#she studied early childhood development

[dykeredhood]

It’s so normal for me to want my gender to be obedient lil toy soldier that lives in a dollhouse

I don’t have any weird feelings about agency/agency that I’m technically allowed to exercise while not making anyone angry with me

It’d be great to be loved on and cherished and comforted if (technically “when”) I’m sad but that’s just not in the cards for me

The catch is that I just don’t consider myself to be a real person that has emotions and wants and needs and everything else; I’m just too accustomed to being someone else’s (LITERAL) useful body to have around to help out with things. What I have is my sense of duty and I guess whatever the hell I can do physically with my body since I’m apparently here to be a useful body

[prophetictattoo]

she's so early 2000's baby sitter that you have a crush on

[wildestdreamcatcher]

Why did Summer drop out of college and how did that conversation go with her parents and grandparents (I'm assuming Jude knew since they were living together at the time)

Summer dropped out of college in her 3rd year after being put on academic suspension. She had become very disinterested in college: she was failing most of her classes and just not really going to them anyway because she was so stressed out by them. This and being put on academic suspension made her really not want to study there anymore so she dropped out in the middle of her 3rd year. Summer felt really scared about telling her parents and her grandparents. The conservation went ok: she just kind of told them the truth about everything and how she felt very miserable going to classes since she realized it wasn't something she wanted to do. They helped her figure out a lot after she dropped out.

Jude did know that Summer wasn't going to classes. He noticed she stayed home more or worked more hours, she slept in when she was supposed to go, and then she just told him she wasn't planning on going back to college after being put on the suspension.

@sadlonelyyogurt @blowflygrls @jackvaginal @cusineverreallyknown

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Speech Development

Several stages of development have been distinguished in the first year, when the child develops the skills necessary to produce a successful first word.

FIRST 2 MONTHS

Apart from the cry patterns associated with hunger, pain, and discomfort, the first 2 months of life display a wide range of primitive vocal sounds reflecting the baby’s biological state and activities – as in the ‘vegetative’ noises heard while eating and excreting.

Some of the most basic features of speech, such as the ability to control air flow and produce rhythmic utterance, are being established at this time.

BETWEEN 6 & 8 WEEKS

There emerge the sounds generally known as cooing, produced when the baby is in a settled state.

Cooing sounds do not grow out of crying; rather, they develop alongside it, gradually becoming more frequent and varied.

They are quieter, lowerpitched, and more musical, typically consisting of a short vowel-like sound, often nasal in quality, and usually preceded by a consonant-like sound made towards the back of the mouth.

Strings of cooing noises soon emerge, and the sounds become more varied, as the baby begins to develop a greater measure of control over the muscles of the vocal organs – especially over tongue and lip movements and associated vocal-fold vibration.

BETWEEN 3 & 4 MONTHS

Cooing sounds begin to die away, to be replaced by sounds which are much more definite and controlled, often repeated, and produced with wide pitch glides.

It is a period commonly called vocal play, because the baby seems to take great pleasure in producing these noises, especially those made with the lips.

But it is perhaps more accurate to call it a time of vocal practice or experimentation.

AROUND 6 MONTHS

Vocal play gives way to babbling – a period of syllable sequences and repetitions which can last most of the second half of the first year.

To begin with, the consonant-like sounds are very repetitive:

Example: "babababa"

But at around 9 months, the babbling moves away from these fixed patterns.

The consonants and vowels change from one syllable to the next, producing such forms as [adu] and [maba], and there is a wider range of sounds, anticipating the sounds of the accent of English to be learned.

The utterances do not have any meaning, though they often resemble adult words – and of course adults love to ‘hear’ such words (especially mummy and daddy) in the baby’s vocalizations.

But babbling does not gradually shade into speech; indeed, many children continue to babble for several months after they have begun to talk.

Babbling is perhaps best summarized as a final step in the period of preparation for speech.

The child, in effect, ‘gets its act together’; but it has yet to learn what the act is for – that sounds are there to enable meaning to be communicated in a controlled way.

With the production of the ‘first word’, this final step is taken.

NOTE

However, the first word is not the first feature of adult language to be acquired.

From as early as 6 months, there is evidence that the child is picking up features of the melody and rhythm of the adult language.

Certainly by 9 months, strings of syllables are often being pronounced in conversation-like ways which adults interpret as communicative:

‘He/ she’s trying to tell us something’ is a common reaction to a piece of ‘scribble-talk’, and such speech-act functions as questioning, commanding, and greeting are ascribed to babbled utterances.

The melody and rhythm of often-used phrases, such as "all gone", are also likely to be heard long before the vowels and consonants are clearly articulated.

It is these prosodic features which are the first signs of real language production in children.

Prosody - the linguistic use of pitch, loudness, tempo, and rhythm; the study of versification

Source ⚜ Notes & References More: Children ⚜ Children's Dialogue ⚜ Childhood Bilingualism

[rushman-natalierushman]

omg pls write a nolan x younger fem reader!! nsfw ofc

Eyes Don’t Lie

Warnings: nsfw, age gap, slow burn, toxic behavior, almost getting caught, sexual themes, MDNI

Summary: You and Mark Grayson are childhood friends. Growing up, you always knew there was something strange about the Graysons. At least one in particular. You grew curious and began observing Nolan Grayson closely, unintentionally developing a not so subtle obsession. Meddling your way into their family secrets, you find out there’s a darker side to Nolan. A side you’re inclined to bring out of him.

You’d think living in a world full of supes, they’d have better attention to detail than most. Could they really expect to keep their identities a secret from their community? Especially from neighbors just across the street? Childhood friends and family that grew up together?

Growing up, I spent most of high school guiding Mark Grayson out of his awkward phase. He was the only kid in the neighborhood who was friends with the “older, popular high school girl.” Our families were close to begin with, to the extent they allowed at least. Mark was a few years younger than me, so naturally I took him under my wing.

I’d have to admit, the Graysons had mannerisms that would sometimes come off a little abnormal, but I always assumed they were just a quirky family. At least until my senior year, when I had stayed up late studying for an exam. I caught sight of a man in a strange costume descending into the Graysons’ backyard. I made it a point to bring it up the next time Mark and I hung out. It didn’t take much for freshman Mark to spill his dad’s secrets the minute I started playfully batting my eyelashes at him with a pouty lip.

Years after I graduated, I kept in touch with Mark. Checking in, making sure he was handling academics, and suppressing the urge to kick Todd’s ass every time I heard one of Mark’s tales of how he earned a black eye from “walking into a pole” several times this year. Aside from being his mentor, I was also there to be a friend. The closest he’s had since I found out about Nolan’s identity.  Sure, I was in my early twenties now- but Mark needed someone to vent to. He didn’t want to worry his mom, although she was probably carrying the same burden. It almost made me feel guilty for feeling the way I did. 

After the first time I caught Mr. Grayson flying home, it was as if I always anticipated his arrival. Over time, I understood the many, MANY business trips and bizarre excuses whenever I’d question his whereabouts during my play dates with Mark as a kid.

Some days Nolan would arrive home without a scratch, costume clean just as he left in it. Other days, he’d come back disheveled. Parts of his suit would be torn enough to see skin, but hardly ever wounded. It was as if he was… no, that’s not quite right. He must carry scars from his battles- at least emotionally. Mentally. A man like him couldn’t walk away from such chaos and return as if it didn’t affect him.

Did it affect him? Did he care? Was his family enough to bring him peace? Or was he cold hearted enough to ignore the countless lives of victims that didn’t survive that they call “collateral damage.” The more curious I grew, the more I found myself purposefully looking out my window.  I’d pry my mesh curtains open, peering out the window in hopes to catch that familiar flash of red. Maybe it was much, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he knew I was watching, waiting for him to arrive. It’s become routine at this point. He flies off to save the world, disappears for a few days- weeks even. I’d take a glimpse out my window every so often, scanning the clouds. 

Sometimes I’d get caught by Mark, walking down his driveway on his way to school. I’d have to play it off as if I was daydreaming like some half minded sorority girl, but I was always looking out for his father. Infatuated by him. Since I was young, I’ve had this school girl crush on Mr. Grayson. There’s this gleam in his eye that reels me in. They concealed a darkness; one that intrigued me. I could never pinpoint how I assume this hidden trait, seeing as he’s the strongest superhero. He was kind and nurturing, or maybe it was an act.

Every weekend since I've started college, Mark and I would gather our families to catch up over dinner. The days that Nolan didn’t show, our time would fly with warm greeting and shared laughter, but the days that Nolan showed, there was this looming tension. Lately, every visit felt less and less welcoming. I couldn’t tell if it was in my head, but it always felt like his glares across the table were directed at me. Mark had begun distancing himself, and I was growing worried. Did we offend them somehow? 

It took a lot of courage, but I eventually found myself walking up their driveway. Before I could ring the doorbell, the door swung up with Mark on the other side.

“Mark!” I stated in shock.

“Y/n?” 

“Listen, I wanted to talk-“

“Mark was just leaving,” a deep, gravely voice cut me off. To no surprise, Nolan was peering from behind. His dark, cold eyes sending a shiver down my spine.

“Right…” I stepped aside as Mark nodded apologetically. My saddened eyes followed him as he began walking down the block, at least until I heard his father clearing his throat behind me.

“Mr. Grayson, I-"

“Nolan,” he corrected. “We’re past the formalities, you’re not a child anymore.”

“Sorry, Nolan- sir…” I stuttered, mentally kicking myself. “I just haven’t been over in so long, I wasn’t sure if-"

“Why are you here, y/n?” 

“With all due respect… Nolan. I can’t help but feel that you’re pushing us away.” I calmly pointed out as I caught him intaking a sharp breath. He stood taller than before, if it were even possible. I gulped under his intimidation. “With all Mark has been through-"

“What would you know about what Mark has been through?”

“Sir, I’ve known Mark since we were kids. You can’t be surprised that he’s vented about some things-" before I could finish my argument, I was pulled harshly inside their home. As the door slammed shut, I was pushed into it. Nolan’s arms trapping me in place as they gripped my shoulders. It all happened so fast, my heart was racing through my chest. His scowl was mean. My eyes darted back and forth between his.

“Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?” He whispered rather harshly.

“I-I don’t understand.”

“This house is under extreme surveillance. If you claim to know of any “experiences” or “knowledge”, you will be forced into a life you do not understand.”

“If this is about you being Omni-man-“ Suddenly, I was whipped forward only to be slammed right back into the door. I winced at the impact as I caught that gleam in his eyes.

“You think I haven’t noticed? Every departure. Every take off. I can feel you watching me. You’re not any more discrete than the empty house beside yours, full of agents and fail safes in case I go rogue.”

“Will you?” I narrowed my eyes. “Go rogue?”

His grip on my shoulders loosened. I scanned his features, picking up on his beard. I hadn’t noticed until now that he looked rather worn down. He must’ve just gotten back from a fight not too long ago. Possibly involving the aliens that kept attempting to invade our planet every three days. It suited him. 

“Honey? Is everything alright down there?” Debbie’s voice rang from upstairs. Nolan responded reassuringly without raising concern. It was enough to keep Debbie from coming down, but that didn't phase me. My attention and focus was locked on Nolan. This was always my favorite look on him. Untamed hair, stern expression. I knew it was wrong. He’s married. How could I possibly be fantasizing about the way he has me trapped beneath his form; his wife upstairs. Oh, how I wanted him to overpower me in a far more inappropriate manner.

“Please…” I accidentally let out in barely a whisper. I mewled for him, but I couldn’t let him know that. Could I?

“Please what?” Nolan expressed confusingly. 

“Please, let me go.” I attempted to shrug off my tone.

“So you can run off and expose my identity to the rest of the world and risk the safety of this family?”

“No… because if you keep me trapped here, I can’t promise I won’t do something stupid.”

Nolan’s expression turned from confusion, to a rather lustful one. He was probably trying to contain it, but I’ve studied him for years…

“Unless, of course, you want me to,” I teased as I slowly tilted my chin up so that our lips were hovering over each other. For a moment, he showed weakness. Letting himself linger a second too long before taking a step back.

“Don’t be ridiculous."

“Is it?” I pushed. “Come on, Nolan.” I dragged his name so that my voice stuck in his head. “You said it yourself. I’ve waited for you, longed for you. Hoping one day you’d realize how much I’ve grown.”

Nolan shut his eyes, attempting to ignore my sultry tone as I continued on.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. I see the way you look at me.” As if on cue, his eyelids slowly revealed his ocean filled eyes. They started at my thighs, eyes roaming my form. “Every weekend. In front of my family…” I leaned in close enough to talk lowly in his ear. “In front of your wife.” 

The corner of my lips curled upward into a smirk as the shower upstairs turned on. Nolan used this to his advantage and swiftly moved us against the wall beneath the staircase, displaying his speed and strength. His hand forcing a grip on my throat, pinning me. It wasn’t enough to cut off my air supply, but a scare tactic at best. “Do not speak of my wife as if she weren’t under this roof.”

“Oh, please- I know there’s a darkness in you. Eyes don't lie. I know your thoughts have wandered. You’ve felt conflicted because you know Mark and I grew up together, but I’m older now.”

“Not old enough.” Nolan argued, but it was enough to confirm my theory. 

“You can stop pretending,” I scoffed. “The only way you would have known I was watching you all this time, is if you were peeking through my window too.”

“Enough,” his eyebrows furrowed in denial.

“Did you enjoy the show?” I teased once more before jolting at his fist crashing on the wall beside my head.

“I said enough!” I laughed in disbelief. How far was he willing to go to keep up his charade? Surely the impact on the wall made a dent, but it was also loud enough to be brought to Debbie’s attention.

“Nolan, what’s going on?” Her tone grew concerned, yelling over the spraying water.

“Mrs. Grayson?” I pitched in, earning a tighter grip on my throat. “I’m sorry, I’m such a klutz. I was just-“

“Y/n was just stopping by to bring back some of my books Mark lent her parents last weekend.” I tilted my head, confused at his statement. “She tripped and crashed the box into the wall, leaving a small dent.” Nice cover.

“Y/n, hun, are you alright?”

“Oh, yes, Mrs. Grayson. Your husband is taking good care of me.” I winked as he nervously chuckled to accommodate to my comment. Once Debbie had returned to her duties, my attention was brought back to his earlier statement. “Mark was at my parents? So you’re not pushing my family away; you’re just avoiding me.” I self proclaimed. “Why?”

“You know why.” Nolan finally admits.

“Show me…” I tested. I didn’t know how this would play out. I only hoped- dreamed- that it would turn out in my favor. For a moment, our eyes locked. I could see him pretending to contemplate, but I could feel the lust radiating off of him.

“Fuck it.” 

My lips parted as he leaned in, crashing his lips into mine. The kiss was dominating and full of need. Pent up frustration built up over the years, finally releasing in this moment. Our lips mimicked each other’s movements, groaning ever so lightly as to not alarm Debbie. His hold on my neck pulled me in closer as his leg planted itself between mine, using his knee to make room for him. My core ached as his muscled thigh applied pressure.

Neither of us faltered from our synced movements until I gasped out for air. It was then I hissed out in pleasure as I felt my hip begin to roll against his thigh. His hand on my throat migrated to grip my chin, forcing me to look away so that he had access to my neck. His tongue trailed up my neck before sucking at my jaw. Shutting my eyes in pleasure, I found myself tangling my fingers in his hair. I panted as he rubbed himself against me, working his leg to provide the right amount of friction. In doing so, I could feel his own arousal building up as his jeans tented up. He began leaving small pecks back down to my neck, trailing down to my collar bone. 

With the overwhelming multiple sensations, I couldn’t help but moan out lightly. This quickly earned a love bite at my collar bone, reaching his hand to cover my mouth. My whimpers grew muffled as I felt a familiar coil. My head rested against the wall, attempting to hold back my release to extend the moment. I began tugging on the hairs at the nape of his nick as his bear tickled my chest. The sounds escaping my throat rose higher in pitch, threatening to reach my climax. 

Just as I felt myself crumble under his touch, the upstairs bathroom door swung open. Nolan jumped away from me, leaning back on the counter as my chest heaved and my knees buckled. I used the wall behind me as leverage to hold myself up as I caught my breath.

The cherry on top was Mark entering the front door, catching my flushed expression. I immediately turned away to hide my pleasure written face as Nolan stepped between us to cover me from Mark’s view.

“Mark, you’re home… early,” Nolan attempted.

“Yeah that… project,” we all knew that was bullshit, but for the sake of argument- “was easier to put together than expected.”

“Good, great. Listen, I think it’s time we all have a chat,” Nolan insisted. I snapped my head back in their direction, not knowing where this was headed. “As soon as your mother comes down, I think there are some family matters to be discussed. Some that may involve y/n.”

My eyes widened. Let the reunion begin.

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

Threes a Formula

Word count: 3.7k

Summary: Y/n Müller, a Media Design graduate from Stuttgart, accepts a live-in nanny position with the prestigious Wolff family in Monaco. She moves to care for their young son, Jack, and quickly adapts to the fast-paced lifestyle of the Formula One world. 

Pairing: Toto Wolff x Susie Wolff x Nanny!reader

Masterlist

Warnings: fluff in the beginning. Later; 18+, cursing, age gap relationship, smut, Daddy kink, Mommy kink.

Ch.2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Wolffs

Y/n Müller had always been driven by a deep sense of creativity and a desire to make a meaningful impact on the lives of others. Growing up in a bilingual household in Stuttgart, she had developed a passion for languages and cultures, seamlessly switching between German and English. This dual heritage had given her a unique perspective and a love for connecting with people from diverse backgrounds.

When it came time to choose a field of study, Y/n followed her heart and enrolled in a Bachelor of Arts program, majoring in Media Design. She was drawn to the world of visual storytelling, believing that design could shape perceptions and inspire change. Her coursework was rigorous, covering everything from graphic design to video production, but Y/n thrived in the academic environment.

However, as graduation approached, Y/n found herself at a crossroads. While she loved the theoretical aspects of her studies, she longed for a more hands-on role where she could apply her knowledge in real-life situations. She had worked part-time as a nanny throughout her university years, discovering a natural talent for engaging with children and creating enriching experiences for them.

One evening, while scrolling through job postings, Y/n stumbled upon an advertisement that caught her eye: 

______________________________________________________________

WE ARE HIRING

a live-in nanny position for a family in Monaco. bilingual background (German and English) 

Job description: A high-profile family deeply embedded in motorsports is looking for a bilingual nanny who can travel with them fully and adjust to a dynamic lifestyle.

Required skills: Background in early childhood care.

Job Location: Monaco (base)

______________________________________________________________

It didn't say who that family was, but since she was a new motorsports fan, she had recently started watching "Drive to Survive" on Netflix, it only had 2 Seasons and she just started on episode 3 of season 1. All that she knew about motorsports she got from Drive to Survive but there are so many different categories, not only Formula 1. So she decided she may not know who they were anyway.

But that docuseries had piqued her interest, offering a glimpse into the thrilling and often dramatic world of F1 racing, full of fascinating stories, personalities, and grown men that could be so petty and childish sometimes. Between the drama and the drivers, she felt like watching an episode of "The Real Housewives" shows. Not to forget the lifestyle that comes with motorsports.

She felt an instant connection with the Mercedes team, even though they were hardly spoken about in the first season, since she was born in Stuttgart and everyone knows how interconnected that city is with the brand.

That's why her heart raced so fast as she read the listing. It seemed too good to be true! The chances that I really was anything remotely connected with the Show was slim but she still had a good feeling about it.

It also was just a chance to combine her creative background, passion for nurturing children, and newfound love for motorsports while experiencing life in an entirely new and glamorous setting, knowing that the family had wealth seeing as they live in Monaco. 

The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like the perfect opportunity. All those factors drove her to apply for the job. 

Working for that prominent family would allow her to make a significant impact on a kid's life, providing him or her as nanny a stable and loving presence amidst their busy lives. 

The role also offered her professional and personal growth, which a traditional design job might not provide. At least not in that capacity.

And the opportunity to travel with the family in their fast-paced world and manage the challenges of a high-profile household would push her out of her comfort zone and help her develop a diverse skill set. 

Plus, the exciting idea of living in Monaco, a city known for its beauty and sophistication, was too tempting to pass up. 

She could immerse herself in a new culture, build a global network, and create unforgettable memories. Her twenties were here so she could explore herself and the world so what better way than to travel and make friends.

She could always go back to her design background if she was getting tired of childcare. With her, you would never know.

Being highly interested in the job opening Y/n sent out her resume and a cover letter. Still not knowing who the family is. But she really didn't care who those people were as long as they were nice.

______________________________________________________________

I am writing to express my interest in the nanny position for your family. With a strong background in Media Design and over five years of experience in childcare, I am confident in my ability to provide a nurturing and enriching environment for your child. My bilingual skills and creative approach to education make me uniquely suited to support your family’s needs.

My experience includes designing engaging, educational activities that support children’s cognitive and emotional development. I am adept at managing busy schedules, coordinating travel, and maintaining the highest standards of discretion and professionalism. I believe my dedication and adaptability align well with the high standards you seek in a nanny.

I was born in Stuttgart, Germany, to a German mother and an American father, which afforded me the advantage of being raised bilingual in German and English. This multicultural background has not only enhanced my communication skills but also instilled in me a deep appreciation for diverse cultures. I am passionate about traveling and eager to learn from new environments, which I believe will enrich my role as a nanny.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss how I can contribute to your family’s well-being.

Kind regards,

Y/n Müller

______________________________________________________________

When Y/n sent off her application, she felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. She had poured her heart into the cover letter, hoping her passion and experience would shine through. The following days were a whirlwind of emotions and activities as she waited for a response.

During those two weeks, Y/n kept herself busy to manage the anticipation. She continued her part-time nanny job, investing extra effort into creating engaging activities for the children she looked after. She also worked on freelance design projects, hoping to bolster her portfolio in case she needed to pivot back to her design career.

Y/n spent time with friends and family, sharing her hopes about the potential job in Monaco. They encouraged her, but the waiting was still nerve-wracking. Every time her phone buzzed, her heart raced, thinking it might be an email from the Wolff family.

To prepare herself for a possible interview, Y/n researched more about Monaco and the world of motorsports. She watched documentaries, read articles, and familiarized herself with the different sports leagues and key figures, hoping to impress the family with her knowledge if given the chance.

When the invitation for a video interview finally arrived, Y/n was both nervous and hopeful. The email's subject line made her heart skip a beat. She quickly opened it and read through the details, feeling a surge of excitement. She was thrilled to finally meet the family and get to know them, but also anxious about making a good impression.

______________________________________________________________

Dear Y/n,

We hope this email finds you well. Thank you for your interest in the nanny position with our family. We were delighted to receive your application and are impressed by your qualifications and enthusiasm.

Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are Toto and Susie Wolff, deeply involved in the world of motorsport. Toto serves as the Team Principal and CEO of the Mercedes-AMG Petronas Formula One Team, while Susie is a former racing driver and currently the CEO of ROKiT Venturi Racing in Formula E. Our careers require a significant amount of travel and flexibility, which is why we are seeking a reliable, creative, and adaptable nanny to assist in caring for our son, Jack.

Jack is a lively and curious three-year-old who loves exploring new things and learning through play. We are seeking someone who can not only care for him but also foster his love for learning and creativity. Your background in Media Design caught our attention, as we believe your creative skills can help make Jack’s experiences both fun and educational. Your bilingual ability is also a big plus, knowing you can speak both English and German with him.

We have scheduled a video interview with you to further discuss this opportunity. The interview will take place on January 12th at 3 PM. You can join the call using the following link: [Video Call Link].

During the interview, we would like to discuss your experience, your approach to childcare, and how you envision supporting Jack’s development. Additionally, we welcome any questions you may have about our family and Jack’s routine.

We hope you are as excited about this opportunity as we are about the prospect of having you join our family. Please let us know if you have any questions or need further information before the interview.

We look forward to speaking with you soon.

Warm regards,

Toto and Susie Wolff

______________________________________________________________

When Y/n received the email, her eyes widened in surprise and excitement as she read through it. She had been anxiously awaiting a response, but she never imagined that the family she had applied to work for was as prestigious as the Wolffs. She quickly reread the introduction, her heart racing.

"Wow," she whispered to herself. "Toto and Susie Wolff? This is incredible."

The significance of the opportunity began to sink in. Toto Wolff, the Team Principal and CEO of the Mercedes-AMG Petronas Formula One Team, and Susie Wolff, a former racing driver and the CEO of ROKiT Venturi Racing in Formula E, were offering her a chance to be part of their world. She felt a mixture of awe and determination.

Y/n couldn't help but smile as she thought about little Jack, imagining the lively and curious three-year-old they described. She was thrilled that her background in Media Design had caught their attention and that they saw the potential for her creative skills to enrich Jack’s experiences. Knowing they appreciated her bilingual ability gave her an added boost of confidence.

"January 12th at 3 PM," she murmured, making a mental note of the interview date and time. She clicked the video call link to ensure it worked, not wanting to leave anything to chance.

Her mind buzzed with a hundred thoughts at once. She needed to prepare thoroughly for the interview, making sure she could articulate her experience and vision for supporting Jack's development. She also wanted to prepare insightful questions to show her genuine interest in their family and lifestyle.

Y/n felt a surge of excitement mixed with a hint of nerves. This opportunity was bigger than she had anticipated, but she was determined to make the most of it. She took a deep breath, feeling a wave of gratitude wash over her.

"This is it," she thought. "This could be the start of something truly amazing."

She immediately set to work, planning her preparations for the interview. She wanted to be ready to impress Toto and Susie Wolff, knowing that this was a chance to combine her passions for childcare, creativity, and cultural exploration in an extraordinary way.

The night before the interview, Y/n rehearsed her answers to potential questions and prepared thoughtful questions of her own. She set up her laptop in her parents' house in Stuttgart, double-checked her internet connection, and ensured her surroundings were neat and professional. If this interview didn’t work out, she reminded herself, she could always fall back on her design background. But deep down, she knew how much she wanted this opportunity.

______________________________________________________________

She took a deep breath and clicked the link to join the video call.

The screen flickered, and soon she found herself face-to-face with Toto and Susie Wolff. Y/n had done a quick search on them prior to the interview, discovering their significant influence in the motorsports world, but she still didn’t know the full extent of their prominence.

“Hello, Y/n. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Susie said with a warm smile.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Wolff. Thank you for this opportunity. Es freut mich sehr, dass wir die Möglichkeit haben, so miteinander zu kommunizieren (I am very pleased that we have the opportunity to communicate with each other like this),” Y/n replied, trying to keep her nerves in check.

“Please, call us Toto and Susie,” Toto said, his tone friendly and welcoming. “We’ve read through your application and were very impressed. Why don’t you tell us a bit more about yourself?”

Y/n began to explain her background in Media Design, her passion for working with children, and how she believed her creative skills would be beneficial in engaging and educating their son, Jack. She also mentioned her bilingual abilities and her experience growing up in Stuttgart.

Susie nodded thoughtfully. “We think your background is quite unique and would bring a fresh perspective to Jack’s upbringing. How do you feel about traveling frequently and adapting to different environments?”

“I’m very excited about the opportunity to travel,” Y/n said. “I think it would be an amazing experience for both Jack and me. I’m adaptable and eager to learn about new cultures and environments. Traveling has always been a passion of mine, although I haven’t had the opportunity to see and learn as much as I would like to until now.”

Toto leaned forward slightly. “One thing to consider is the nature of our lifestyle. It can be fast-paced and demanding. How comfortable are you with managing stress and maintaining flexibility?”

“I’m confident in my ability to handle stress and stay organized,” Y/n replied. “My studies and previous nanny jobs have taught me how to manage my time effectively and stay calm under pressure. Zudem möchte ich auch nochmal anführen, dass ich eben deutsch bin. Es liegt mir also eigentlich im Blut immer pünktlich zu sein und mein Leben gut zu managen. (I would also like to mention again that I am German. So it's actually in my blood to always be punctual and to manage my life well.)”

The last part was meant as a joke, but Toto and Susie knew she fully meant it.

Y/N paused before she asked a question she was eager to get an answer to. “I am very sorry to tell you I don’t really know about your work background and I was not comfortable googling the both of you so if you don’t mind what exactly do you do? Also, you spoke about traveling how often would that be and when would you like to have Jack with you guys?” It was a long question but she was confident they would answer her fully.

Susie and Toto exchanged a quick glance, their smiles warm and understanding. They appreciated her directness and respect for their privacy.

Susie spoke first, her tone friendly. "No worries at all, Y/n. I’m a former racing driver and currently the CEO of ROKiT Venturi Racing in Formula E. My role involves overseeing the team’s operations, strategy, and ensuring we’re competitive in the championship. It’s a dynamic and demanding job, but one I’m very passionate about."

Toto nodded, adding with a hint of enthusiasm, "And I’m the team principal and CEO of the Mercedes-AMG Petronas Formula One Team. It’s an intense job, managing the team and ensuring we perform at our best during the racing season. So, as you can imagine, our schedules can be quite demanding and involve a fair bit of travel."

Susie continued, "Regarding travel, we do move around quite a bit, especially during the racing season, which runs from March to December. There are races almost every other week, and they happen all over the world. We'd love to have Jack with us during these travels, but it depends on the location and the duration of our stay."

Toto chimed in, "Ideally, we'd like him to join us for the major races and during the summer break when the schedule is a bit lighter. It's important to us that he experiences different cultures and environments, but we also want to ensure he has stability in his education and routine. We’re looking for someone who can help maintain that balance for him."

Susie nodded, "Exactly. We want Jack to feel secure and supported, no matter where we are. Your role would be crucial in providing that stability while also making the experience enjoyable and enriching for him."

Y/n listened carefully, nodding as Susie and Toto explained their busy schedules and travel needs. When they finished, she smiled confidently, ready to reassure them of her capabilities.

"Thank you both for sharing that with me. Your careers sound incredibly exciting and demanding, and I can see how important it is to you that Jack has stability amidst all the travel."

She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "I have extensive experience working with children in various environments, including situations where parents have high-profile, busy careers. I understand the importance of creating a stable, nurturing environment for Jack, no matter where we are. I am skilled at maintaining routines and providing the educational support he needs to thrive."

Y/n continued, her voice steady and reassuring. "I’m very adaptable and have handled travel with families before. I’m organized and proactive, ensuring that everything Jack needs is prepared and that he feels secure and happy in each new location. I also love finding creative ways to make travel educational and fun for children, turning each new place into a learning opportunity."

She smiled warmly, looking between Susie and Toto. "I’m confident that I can provide the balance you’re looking for—supporting Jack’s growth and education while also making sure he enjoys the unique experiences your lifestyle offers. I’m excited about the possibility of being a part of your family and contributing to Jack’s development in such a dynamic and enriching environment. That of course is if you would have me.” She smiles at them.

After a few more questions about her approach to childcare and her thoughts on integrating educational activities with play, the interview began to wrap up.

“We’re very impressed with you, Y/n,” Susie said, glancing at Toto, who nodded in agreement. “We think you’d be a wonderful fit for our family.”

Y/n’s heart soared. “Thank you so much. I’m really excited about the possibility of working with you and getting to know Jack.”

“We’ll be in touch soon with more details,” Toto said, smiling. “Thank you for your time today.”

As the call ended, Y/n felt a rush of exhilaration. The interview had gone better than she could have imagined, and she felt a sense of validation in her choices and aspirations. The Wolff family represented a new path, one filled with opportunities for growth, adventure, and meaningful connections.

Two days later, Y/n received another email from the Wolffs.

______________________________________________________________

Dear Y/n,

We are thrilled to inform you that after careful consideration, we would like to offer you the position of nanny for our son, Jack. We believe that your skills, experience, and personality make you the perfect fit for our family, and we are excited about the prospect of having you join us.

As mentioned during the interview process, we would like to start with a trial period to ensure that there is a good connection between all of us. Therefore, we propose a trial run of three months, during which we can assess how well we work together and whether this arrangement meets everyone's needs.

We are genuinely excited to welcome you into the Wolff family. We believe that your background in Media Design, your bilingual abilities, and your passion for childcare will make a positive impact on Jack's life and development. We are confident that you will create a nurturing and stimulating environment for him, allowing him to thrive and grow.

Regarding logistics, we understand that relocating to Monaco is a significant step, and we want to make the transition as smooth as possible for you. If you are able to join us by the 1st of February, it would give us ample time to settle in and get acquainted before the busy racing season begins.

Please let us know if you have any questions or concerns. We are here to support you and ensure that you have all the information you need.

Once again, congratulations, Y/n. We are looking forward to embarking on this exciting journey together.

Warm regards,

Toto and Susie Wolff

______________________________________________________________

As Y/n sat amidst the flurry of emotions, her mind drifted to the impressions she had formed of Toto and Susie Wolff during the interview process. Toto, with his focused demeanor and stern yet approachable presence, exuded a sense of determination and drive that commanded respect. She couldn't help but admire his unwavering commitment to excellence, balanced by an underlying charm that shone through in the occasional dad joke or lighthearted quip.

In contrast, Susie embodied elegance and grace in every aspect of her being. Y/n admired the way Susie carried herself with poise and sophistication, radiating warmth and sincerity in her interactions. Behind her poised exterior, Y/n sensed a deep well of motivation, care, and love for others, driven by her passion for making a positive impact in the world.

As Y/n pondered these thoughts, she felt a sense of gratitude wash over her. To be welcomed into the lives of such remarkable individuals, to work alongside them in nurturing and shaping the life of their son, Jack, was an honor beyond measure. She knew that under their guidance and with their support, she would not only thrive but also contribute to creating a loving and enriching environment for Jack to grow and flourish.

With a renewed sense of purpose and excitement, Y/n turned her attention back to the task at hand—preparing for the journey ahead. As she packed her belongings, her heart swelled with anticipation for the adventures that awaited her in Monaco, where she would embark on a new chapter of her life filled with love, laughter, and endless possibilities.

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

@pand-de-pandora-blog @wonderwolffs @laura-naruto-fan1998 @strangegirl974 @totothewolff

[youremyheaven]

Jupiter Dominant Women & Daddy Issues

TW: mentions of rape, abuse, suicide etc

Over the years of my studies, I have noticed that its Jupiter dominant women who tend to have daddy issues more than any other planetary dominance. Solar women (Uttarashada, Uttaraphalguni & Krittika) tend to benefit from positive male influence in their early life, so they have healthy Yang qualities (they're driven, self-motivated, critical thinking) whereas women who haven't had a healthy male influence in their early lives, either develop a heightened but fragile femininity (understood in a very traditional way, this means being passive and excessively reliant on others to get by, I know this is misogynistic but i am talking strictly about a traditional notion of femininity) or they cultivate inner masculinity.

Jupiter is a masculine planet and across the naks of Punarvasu, Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada, women tend to have a very unguarded, open, almost masculine presence. I mean this in terms of what they talk about or how self-assured they seem, traditionally women were expected to be more withdrawn or to talk little. I don't mean to say Jupiterian women are brash or aggressive, they're very poised, and elegant and put across their point eloquently. They're 9/10 times very well-spoken. When one lacks the security of a male figure early in life, one tends to cultivate inner masculinity because it's understood that you cannot rely on any man.

Caroline Polachek, Punarvasu Moon, has spoken about her difficult relationship with her father on numerous occasions. Here's a link to a post where she talks about it. Her lack of a father figure in her own words caused her to be "self-sufficient". Notice how in the post, she speaks about making amends with him later in life and even ended the post with "love you dad". This is the kind of generosity that you don't see from most other nakshatra types. To forgive someone who was never there for you/abused you/hurt you/caused you immense pain, requires a great deal of strength and maturity and not everybody has it. Punarvasu's innate nature is to absorb everything into its orbit and always be the bigger person. Due to the vast, abundant nature of Jupiter, they are ABLE to, accept these people for all their contradictions and see them as flawed, which makes it easier to forgive them. Most people let their traumas define their identity (im not saying traumas don't shape you, only about the kind of perception most people have about their own traumas) and spend their whole lives blaming others for who they've become or what they've done to them. To live a peaceful life, one has to take the high road, look beyond everything and see it as a part of life. It sounds very callous when I say it like that but that's what I mean. Not everyone is capable of being the bigger person or taking the high road.

Jupiter is the guru or teacher and how would one describe an ideal teacher? Someone who forgives the mistakes of their students as having risen out of immaturity and forgives them for not knowing better or being better. A teacher is forced to operate on a higher moral plane than others simply because chaos would descend if the teacher came down to the level of others. They are figures of wisdom, knowledge and higher learning, therefore their behaviour has to reflect the same. Jupiter natives are harshly punished for behaving in ways that are not fit for a "guru" because subconsciously society/those around them subject them to a different standard. Others can do the same exact thing and not suffer any consequences but when a Jupiter native behaves that way, they're ostracized. People kind of expect them to have it all together or be better. Any lapse on their part is judged harshly.

One of the biggest mysteries is how Jupiter natives emerge from often brutally abusive and neglectful childhoods into relatively well-adjusted adults. In the case of famous parent-child situations, there is public proof of their wrongdoing but in numerous other instances many do not believe Jupiter natives to have suffered the way they have or to the extent they have simply because on the outside they seem to have it all/seem so put together. This is yet another manifestation of Jupiter's duality and this not being believed/seen for who they are/how they've lived can be a source of pain/grief for some of these natives whilst others like to pretend it never happened and present a very positive view of their life. They don't hold grudges and often simply overlook the horrible nature of their loved ones, especially their parents and try to make amends with them.

Drew Barrymore, Punarvasu Moon, comes from a very famous family of actors but her father John Barrymore was a violent alcoholic and a drug addict who abandoned her & her mother when she was a child. She did not have any relationship with him and seldom spoke to him until he was diagnosed with cancer. She took care of him and even paid his medical bills until he passed away in 2004. Here's an IG post where she talks about her dad. It's so touching to see the compassion with which Punarvasu natives talk about people who've hurt them so much (in her memoir, Drew recalls how one time her father picked her up as a three-year-old and threw her against the wall). Truly, I don't see this level of kindness in any other nakshatra if I'm being honest. This is a photograph of her with Steven Spielberg who directed her in E.T when she was 7 years old, he's kind of a godfather figure to her and she apparently asked him to be her dad when she was a kid 🥺🥺

I also think Jupiter natives have a complicated relationship with their mothers as well, sometimes they're extremely close but other times, I think Jupiter natives feel the need to be their mother's saviour because they know how much she's gone through in her life. This manifests itself in a very complicated relationship. There is love but there is also a lot of bitterness.

Drew Barrymore has a very complicated relationship with her mother, who used to date the men Drew dated, pushed her into acting and exploited her as a child and admitted her to a psych ward when she was 12 among other things. Drew still takes care of her financially and has mentioned that her mother has even tried to steal money from her.

Charlotte Gainsbourg, Punarvasu Moon is the daughter of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin. Her parents separated when she was a child and she lived with her father. In 1984, she did a duet with her father and starred in the music video for a song called Lemon Incest which describes an incestuous relationship between father & daughter. She was 12 years old at the time.

The music video is creepy, to say the least and features both of them half-naked in bed together. In 1986 when she was 14, she starred with her father in a movie called Charlotte For Ever which is about an alcoholic man whose only link to life is his daughter (Serge was an alcoholic). She has spoken about how difficult the filming experience was for her as he would push her to her extremes.

Here's a very uncomfortable clip of him kissing her on the mouth when she wins a Cesar. She is 16 years old.

Jane Birkin commented on the song saying "It never came as a shock or a surprise or even a worry [to her], knowing Serge's great love for Charlotte". Many believe that Birkin enabled Serge's abuse of their daughter since she left him due to his alcoholism and violence but left Charlotte in his care. She has also stated that her mother would always dress her up as a little boy when she was a child and that this complicated her relationship with her femininity.

Charlotte has only ever said good things about both her parents and denied any abuse.

She's also starred in multiple films directed by Lars Von Trier where she plays gruesome sexually depraved characters and Lars is well known for being difficult to work with. She has said that she sought fatherly approval from him ._. and again has only said good things about him.

Kali Uchis, Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon & Rising has spoken about being abused as a child and that she no longer maintains contact with her family. She was kicked out of the house when she was 17 and slept in her car and worked at a supermarket for years to support herself.

Halsey, Punarvasu Moon. She grew up poor and has spoken about her difficult childhood, both she & her mother suffer from bipolar disorder and in her song Whispers she sings “Why do you need love so badly?/ Bet it's bеcause of her daddy." In the Armchair Expert podcast, she said that she has both "mommy and daddy issues".

Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon, has published a very revealing memoir about her life where she chronicles the abuse she experienced from her family. She had a moderately good relationship with her dad but was estranged from him as an adult. Her mother however continually exploited her for money.

Miley Cyrus, Vishaka Moon has a complicated relationship with both her parents. Currently, she's not on speaking terms with her father after he married a woman around Miley's age.

Beyonce, Vishaka Moon has been performing since she was a child and was in a girl group Destiny's Child which was managed by her father. She dropped him as her manager in 2011 and in the same year, his divorce from her mother was also finalized. He had apparently fathered a love child with another woman in 2009 and this was the reason for their divorce. Some speculate that they are now estranged but in typical Jupiter fashion, she has never bad-mouthed him in public. Jupiter natives do not air their dirty laundry in public ever. Their grace and dignity even in the face of extreme humiliation/shame/pressure is commendable.

Jennie, Vishaka Moon is very close to her mother but she's never mentioned her father in the 8 years since her debut. In the Blackpink documentary, she said that growing up it was just her and her mom. In this interview she spoke about living with her mother and how she never got a chance to spend much time at home as she was sent to boarding school at 8 years old. She remarks that she and her mom are like sisters but she's never said anything about her relationship with her dad, ever. I am not going to assume that they have a bad relationship but I thought it would be interesting to mention.

Demi Moore, Vishaka Sun

Moore was born to a 19-year-old mother and her biological father left before she was born. The actress' mom remarried a man who worsened her problems with alcohol, which led to violence and instability. The family moved many times throughout Moore's childhood and when she was 17, her stepfather committed suicide. In the early '80s, she embarked on her acting career and helped her mother stay in rehab throughout the years. In 1997, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer and she reunited with her in the final months before her death.

Lily Collins, Purvabhadrapada Sun

Lily had a strained relationship with her dad growing up“Because my dad was often gone, I never wanted to do anything that would make him stay away even longer,” she wrote. “I became extra careful about what I said and how I said it, afraid he'd think I was angry or didn't love him"

She penned an open letter that said: "I forgive you for not being the dad I expected. But it's not too late”.

Alia Bhatt, Purvabhadrapada Sun has said that growing up she saw very little of her filmmaker father Mahesh Bhatt who is known in the media for being a very problematic figure. He once posed for a magazine cover in the 90s with his daughter Pooja Bhatt where they're kissing on the lips (Pooja is Alia's half-sister) and said that he would have married her if she weren't his daughter 🤮����Mahesh is known for being a very temperamental man (you'll be hard pressed to find a video of him not screaming) and it's quite well known that he and Alia's mother had a pretty rocky marriage that her mother could not leave as she was financially dependent on him. Her sister, Shaheen Bhatt has talked about struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies since she was a child.

Rekha, Purvabhadrapada Moon is the illegitimate child of actors Gemini Ganesan and Pushpavalli. Her father was already married to another woman when she was born. He refused to accept the paternity of Rekha and her sister Radha and she grew up in the same city that her father and his "legitimate" family lived in and attended the same school as her half-siblings where she occasionally saw glimpses of him dropping his other kids to school. She has stated that growing up she was called a "bastard" and that the only male figure in her life was "God". She made her debut as an actress when she was 13 against her wishes because her family had fallen on bad times and she had to work to support her 6 siblings and ill mother.

This interview of hers offers a glimpse into her early life. Regardless of what she's been through, Rekha has always been stoic and conducted herself with immense grace and dignity even when she received an award from her father who was never a part of her life. She said this in response:

“Why should I grieve for him when he’s so much part of me? Why should I grieve when I’m so grateful for his genes, his teachings, his rich life and his sheer existence? Grieve for what??!! I’m happy I didn’t have to share unpleasant moments with him. He existed for me in my imagination. And that’s so much more beautiful than reality. Everything I love is unqualified by worldly time constraints. I’m just a small link in the larger scheme of things. I’m not the first one to go through death, nor am I the first one to receive an award. I’m enjoying everything that comes my way…good bad or ugly. I try to make good use of what life’s experiences offer. I think I’ve done a good job of my life, whatever others may think.” 

The Jupiterean ability to always look at the bright side and forgive people who don't deserve your forgiveness is heart-breaking but enlightening at the same time.

Rita Hayworth, Purvabhadrapada Moon confided in her husband Orson Welles that she was sexually abused by her father as a child and had been repeatedly raped by him.

Elexus Jionde aka Intelexual Media, Punarvasu Moon has mentioned that she's estranged from her father.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising & stellium has spoken about being emotionally and physically abused by his parents especially his father who would beat him up. They also abused him because they thought he was gay due to his preoccupation with the male physique (he wanted to be a bodybuilder and would later become Mr World).

Keanu Reeves, Punarvasu Moon has been estranged from his father for the majority of his life. Charles Reeves abandoned the family when Keanu was 3 yrs old.

Kaia Gerber, Purvabhadrapada Moon has like most other Jupiter natives kept a low profile and seldom spoken about her personal life and has only ever said nice things about her parents. Her father Rande Gerber has been accused of sexual harassment by multiple women and there have been blind items about Cindy putting Kaia on a calorie deficit diet since she was a child to prepare her for a modelling career (this is awfully common among celebrities so I don't even think this is a stretch). When Kaia was 7 years old, her parents were threatened with a picture of her, barely clothed being gagged and bound. It was said that the picture was taken by a female babysitter during a game of cops and robbers because she wanted to prank the Gerbers by pretending to kidnap Kaia (sincerely, wtf) but there have been conspiracy theories that perhaps Kaia was abused by her parents and this picture was leaked from their collection. Anyway the matter has been settled and it feels wrong for me to speculate too much but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

Asia Argento, Purvabhadrapa Moon, is the daughter of filmmaker Dario Argento and has said that she never saw her father as a child and had no kind of relationship with him until she started acting in his movies when she was 16. She said "I never acted out of ambition; I acted to gain my father's attention. It took a long time for him to notice me. … And he only became my father when he was my director."

Her characters in his movies were undressed, raped and generally psychologically traumatised on screen. She once said:

"But I always had this feeling of never being a part of anything, not even of my family. My parents forgot about me. I did everything I could to get their attention."

Chyler Leigh, Vishaka Moon. Her parents divorced when she was 12, following which she was estranged from her father for many years. Her mother moved her to LA when she was a teenager so that she could pursue an acting career. At 15 years old she starred in a movie called Kickboxing Academy as her biological brother's love interest (he was 19). She is said to have been manipulated into doing so by her mother. She has said in a recent interview that she's been estranged from her mother for over 20 years and that like her mother, she too suffers from bipolar disorder. She said, "Because I was put in a position to support my mother, I didn't get the opportunity to speak about my own feelings when I was in my teens." She moved out of her mother's house to live with her then-boyfriend and now husband Nathan West.

Han So Hee, Vishaka Sun was in the news when her mother using her name to borrow bank loans and her debt became public news. Its very rare to hear about the private life of a celebrity in Korea but Sohee came forward to clear things and said her parents divorced when she was 5 following which she was raised by her maternal grandmother with whom she lived until she was in highschool. She's estranged from both her parents and only realized that her mother had been in debt after she turned 18. She found out that her mother had been borrowing money under her name illegally ever since she was a minor. She paid off this debt and apologized to everybody concerned.

IU, Purvabhadrapada Moon grew up in poverty. Her family fell into debt and she was raised by her grandmother who could barely take care of her and her brother. She saw little of her parents growing up. Its unclear how close they are now.

I realize just how many of them are nepo babies lol but I'm kinda glad because it means so much of their life is on public record. Its really unfortunate to see that so many of these natives had absent fathers or fathers who were present in their lives and very abusive.

[auren-zagarra]

not sure if this counts as a analysis or kink analysis??? But what do you think about Riddle "mom issues" becoming a "mommy kink"

To me I personally dont see it but curious about your take on it

Riddle Rosehearts: Maternal Attachment and Fetishistic Dynamics

Disclaimer: Although this post is written by a professional psychologist, it is not intended to serve as a formal diagnosis. Rather, it is a character analysis of Riddle Rosehearts, created out of personal interest and passion for world-building. In psychological practice, accurate assessment should never be based solely on external observation. Also, just to clarify—I am not a sexologist. My area of expertise is in clinical psychology. While I don’t professionally endorse Freud’s Oedipus complex theory, I’ve included it here given the nature of the ask and its thematic relevance - discussing both the maternal fetish and the "mommy kink". MDNI.

Riddle Rosehearts is a character who epitomizes authoritarian rule-following. His profile emphasizes that he has a “strong commitment to maintaining order,” enforcing even trivial rules and punishing any infraction. He is highly perfectionistic and devoted to his studies, becoming irritable when challenged.

In his backstory, Riddle was raised by a single, unnamed mother in the strict Queendom of Roses. From early childhood she taught him how to be a powerful magic user and “controlled every aspect of Riddle’s life” – dictating his clothing, diet, friendships, and study schedule. This upbringing made Riddle extremely obedient to authority (mirroring the Queen of Hearts’ edicts) and left him with few friends or free-time experiences. In short, Riddle is characterized by rigid self-discipline and a harsh maternal influence from a young age.

Maternal Relationship and Childhood Trauma:

Riddle’s relationship with his mother can best be described as authoritarian and emotionally harsh. As the Twisted Wonderland biography notes, his mother “controlled every aspect” of his life and insisted on constant study, even forbidding simple pleasures (like sweets). On one documented occasion, Riddle ate a strawberry tart while sneaking out to play with friends – only to be caught by his mother and “dragged back home.” She “harshly scolded and reprimanded” him for disobedience, crying and begging notwithstanding, and then further restricted his freedom (even banning his friends from visiting). These episodes illustrate a childhood of emotional abuse and neglect: Riddle had no privacy or autonomy, and any small deviation (like playing or tasting a treat) was met with severe punishment. Such chronic maternal control is a form of developmental trauma. Psychological research shows that childhood emotional abuse and neglect can have profound long-term effects. Trauma studies report that maltreatment – especially persistent emotional abuse – is associated with a “wide range of long-term adverse health and developmental outcomes”, including anxiety, depression and other psychopathology.

In Riddle’s case, growing up under fear of his mother likely produced chronic stress and anxiety. Furthermore, attachment theory suggests Riddle’s maternal bond was insecure. Bowlby’s theory and decades of research indicate that when caregivers are inconsistent or harsh, children often develop insecure attachment styles. For example, if a parent is physically present but emotionally hostile (as in Riddle’s case), the child may become anxiously attached: perpetually worried about abandonment yet fearful of displeasing the parent. Indeed, Cleveland Clinic reviews note that infants whose caregivers are “less attentive” tend to have difficulty forming healthy relationships later.

In Riddle’s behavior, we see echoes of an anxious/resistant attachment: he urgently seeks his mother’s approval, fears punishment (crying and begging for forgiveness), and later in life he rigidly seeks order (perhaps to preempt any disapproval). In sum, Riddle’s childhood under a domineering mother was psychologically traumatic and would foster an insecure, anxious attachment style

Fetish: Definition and Psychological Theory

In psychological scholarship, a fetish is not a general obsession but a specific type of sexual fixation. Encyclopedic sources define fetishism as a sexual interest focused on an inanimate object or a body part that is not normally considered sexual. In other words, a fetish involves requiring a non-genital object (such as clothing, shoes, or a particular material) or a non-sexual body feature (feet, hair, etc.) for sexual arousal. According to clinical nosology, fetishistic behaviors qualify as a paraphilic disorder only when they cause significant distress or impairment. Otherwise, a mild fetish (e.g. a shoe or foot fetish) may be a benign sexual preference.

Common fetish objects cited in research include shoes, lingerie, rubber or leather, and specific body parts (notably female undergarments or hair). Historically, sexologists Krafft-Ebing and Ellis noted in the 19th century that fetishistic interests often arise from learned associations in childhood.

Fetish vs. Kink: Definitions and Distinctions:

The DSM‑5 defines fetishistic disorder as recurrent, intense sexual arousal from nonliving objects or specific nongenital body parts, to the point of causing distress or impairment. In common usage, a fetish often implies that the person needs that object or scenario for arousal. By contrast, a kink is a broader, colloquial term for any non‑normative sexual interest or practice – especially within BDSM or role‑play contexts. Kinks include a wide range of activities (bondage, power exchange, role‑play, etc.) that go “beyond conventional sexual practices” and are not inherently disordered. Importantly, modern clinical views emphasize that neither kinks nor fetishes are pathological unless they cause the person significant distress or harm.

Fetish (sexual): a focused sexual fixation on an inanimate object or body part (e.g. shoes, feet) that may be necessary for arousal. DSM‑5 regards this as a disorder only if it persists for at least 6 months and causes serious psychosocial problems.

Kink (sexual): any consensual, unconventional sexual behavior or fantasy (often involving power dynamics or role‑play) that enhances pleasure but is not required. Kinks are not defined in diagnostic manuals and are generally considered normal variants.

Overlap/Distinction: A given behavior can be both a fetish and a kink depending on its role for the person. One clinician notes that fetishes are kinks that an individual finds indispensable, whereas kinks in general are optional interests one can “take or leave”. In short, fetishes tend to be more specific fixations while kinks describe a broad spectrum of atypical sexual interests. (Both are considered non‑pathological forms of sexual expression unless causing dysfunction).

Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Maternal Fetishes:

A “maternal fetish” – i.e. an erotic fixation on the mother – is not a standard category in modern psychology, but it can be discussed via psychodynamic theory. Freud’s classic Oedipus complex is directly relevant: it posits that during the phallic stage (about ages 3–6), a boy develops unconscious sexual desire for his mother and rivalry with his father. Normally this Oedipal phase is resolved by the boy identifying with his father and repressing incestuous impulses. However, if the Oedipus complex is not fully resolved, one could imagine a lasting maternal fixation. Britannica succinctly defines the Oedipus complex as the child’s “possessive sexual desires for their opposite-sex parent,” which are supposed to be overcome in healthy development. In psychoanalytic terms, an unresolved Oedipus might leave a man with an enduring, possibly unconscious, erotic attraction to the mother.

Freud also formulated theories of fetishism in general: he considered fetishes as defense mechanisms against castration anxiety, often involving overvaluation of a substitute object. In this framework, a fetish functions symbolically (e.g. the fetish object represents the lost phallus). Some analysts have suggested that a fetish might grow out of an intense early attachment; for instance, if a boy unconsciously equates a favorite maternal item (like her shoe or dress) with sexual pleasure, that object can become fetishized. More broadly, fetishistic interests usually originate in childhood or adolescence when sexual feelings first emerge. A “maternal fetish” specifically could be viewed as an extreme case: the mother (a human figure) becomes the focus of erotic fantasy. Psychoanalytic literature warns that such incestuous fixations are outside healthy development; some older theories even regarded fetishism as a way to disavow uncomfortable aspects of the maternal image. While mainstream psychology lacks empirical studies on “mother fetishes” per se, theorists would typically interpret them through the lens of unresolved Oedipal conflict and early conditioning.

The “Mommy Kink”:

A “mommy kink” generally describes a sexual role‑play in which one partner assumes a dominant, maternal persona (“mommy”) and the other takes on a younger, more submissive or childlike role. Psychologically, this can be seen as a form of eroticized caregiver/child dynamics. People report various appeals: nurturing comfort, authority, or even gentle humiliation under a maternal figure. For example, some participants say that playing the “mommy” role provides a “sense of safety” and allows the submissive partner to feel “small and cared for” while also experiencing the dominant’s authority. Others describe craving the “nurturing nature” of a mother figure they felt was lacking in childhood. In academic terms, mommy kink is related to age‑play or parental roleplay within BDSM, and is not inherently pathological when practiced consensually by adults. Psychological theories that might be invoked include:

Psychoanalytic (Oedipal) Roots: Freudian theory posits an unconscious desire in early childhood for the opposite‑sex parent (the Oedipus/Electra complex). If an individual’s psychosexual development were fixated at that stage, they might later eroticize maternal images. While modern psychology does not treat Freudian complexes as literal determinants, the idea suggests that early maternal bonds can influence adult eroticism.

Attachment Theory: John Bowlby’s attachment framework emphasizes that early mother‑child bonding shapes later relationships. Individuals with insecure attachments (anxious or avoidant) to caregivers often carry those dynamics into adulthood. For example, someone anxiously attached to a cold or neglectful mother might subconsciously seek out maternal figures to fulfill unmet emotional needs. In lay terms, “mommy issues” can involve an adult seeking partners like their mother. Thus, an adult might fetishize a caregiver role if they yearn for a maternal sense of safety.

Dominance/Submissive Dynamics: In BDSM psychology, the “mommy” figure is usually a form of Dominant or caregiver, while the “little” is Submissive. The appeal can be partly power exchange: the submissive feels guided and disciplined by a maternal dominatrix, which some find erotic. Participants report that dual feelings of comfort and intimidation under a maternal dom (as noted by a professional dominatrix) can be especially potent.

Coping and Role‑play: Some theorize that such kinks may serve as a coping mechanism or fantasy to replay childhood dynamics in a controlled, consensual way. If someone lacked nurturing or experienced trauma, the role‑play might symbolically provide care. However, systematic studies show that kink practitioners do not generally have higher rates of childhood abuse than others, suggesting that mommy kinks are not simply “trauma responses” but rather complex fantasies or preferences.

In summary, a “mommy kink” is best understood as a form of consensual role‑play or fetish involving maternal imagery. Its psychological underpinnings draw on attachment needs (seeking care), developmental imprinting (unconscious attraction to parental figures), and BDSM power dynamics. Notably, participants emphasize emotional themes (care, praise, discipline) rather than literal sexual abuse of minors. Therapists today view such kinks as within the spectrum of normal adult sexuality when consensual

Likelihood of a Maternal Fetish in Riddle Rosehearts:

Assessing Riddle’s profile against these theories, a maternal fetish seems unlikely. On one hand, his intense upbringing did center on the mother, and Freud might note the absence of a father could leave maternal attachments unchallenged. However, all available evidence points away from any eroticizing of the maternal figure. Riddle’s experience of his mother was predominantly negative (she punished him for play or treats), instilling fear and guilt rather than comfort or sexual attraction. For example, after Riddle was caught with the strawberry tart, he “begged and cried to his mom to forgive him” – a response of submission and anxiety, not of romantic longing. His emotional bond is anxious/dependent rather than affectionate or erotic. Moreover, Riddle’s own behavior shows no signs of unusual sexual interest in his mother. He has internalized his mother’s moral code so strongly that he “considers his values to be morally right no matter what”. In other words, his psyche is dominated by duty and fear of wrongdoing, consistent with a highly punitive superego (internalized maternal voice). Paradoxically, such a rigid conscience is more likely to suppress taboo fantasies than to foster them. Empirical trauma research supports this: children raised by punitive caregivers typically develop anxiety and hypervigilance, not fetishistic arousal. Studies show that early emotional abuse leads to anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties – outcomes congruent with Riddle’s anxious demeanor, but not with any erotic preoccupation. In fact, Riddle channels his fixation on rules and study rather than sexuality. In summary, although psychoanalytic theory allows for the possibility of lingering Oedipal feelings, the content of Riddle’s childhood suggests a maternal fetish is not realistic. He lacks the nurturing, affectionate context that might give rise to erotic fantasy; instead, his memories of his mother involve domination and punishment. His attachment appears anxious and fearful, which typically produces compliance or rebellion, not erotic fixation on the caregiver. Thus, based on his personality and history, Riddle is far more likely to carry an exaggerated superego and social anxiety than to develop a maternal fetish. In evidence-based psychological terms, the hallmark features of fetish development (positive early associations with the object of desire, sexual conditioning) are absent in Riddle’s case, so a maternal fetish would be a highly improbable outcome.

Assessing the “Mommy Kink”:

Given this background, several points argue against Riddle having a mommy kink as well:

Lack of Maternal Nurturing: Riddle’s mother was a disciplinarian, not a caregiver who offered affectionate comfort. The typical “mommy kink” fantasy emphasizes feelings of being comforted or praised by a mother figure. Riddle’s lived experience was the opposite – he begged to be treated kindly and was rebuffed (his tears and pleas in childhood went unheard). Psychologically, one would expect that a fetish or kink develops around what was missing (e.g. idealized care) rather than what was unpleasant. There is no indication Riddle idealizes maternal kindness; instead, he mimics maternal strictness.

Role Identification: Rather than remaining in a submissive “child” role, Riddle grew up aspiring to be an enforcer of rules. He essentially became a smaller version of his mother – a young authority figure himself. From a psychoanalytic perspective, Riddle may have resolved any Oedipal tension by identifying with the parental role (similar to how he became a “little Queen” in effect). This suggests his erotic or relational scripts would favor dominance and rule‑making over submission to a maternal authority.

Attachment and Autonomy: An adolescent who has internalized a fear of his mother’s disapproval might develop an avoidant or anxious attachment style. Riddle exhibits anxious‑compliant behavior (studying obsessively to please her), which later translates into a rigid work ethic. Such individuals often crave acceptance but may express it through achievement rather than dependency. In adult relationships, Riddle might seek admiration and deference (his way of earning “approval”) rather than comfort. In other words, he is less likely to seek maternal care and more likely to demonstrate maturity and control.

Alternative Interpretation: Psychological Indicators Supporting a “Mommy Kink” in Riddle Rosehearts:

While Riddle Rosehearts canonically exhibits traits of rigidity, control, and internalized authoritarianism, there are also plausible psychological arguments that could support a headcanon of him developing a “mommy kink” in adulthood. This interpretation draws on psychodynamic, attachment, and trauma-related frameworks to assess how early childhood experiences may influence erotic preferences later in life.

Unresolved Childhood Yearning for Affection: Although Riddle’s mother was cold and punitive, he demonstrably longed for warmth and acceptance. His emotional reaction to small pleasures—such as secretly eating a tart or crying when scolded—suggests deep emotional deprivation during critical developmental years. In psychodynamic theory, unmet needs can be eroticized later in life as the mind seeks symbolic compensation. A maternal role-play could offer a controlled environment where Riddle re-experiences the maternal presence—not in its traumatic form, but reimagined as warm, validating, and affectionate. This aligns with concepts from object relations theory, which propose that individuals internalize both idealized and punitive images of their caregivers. A “mommy kink” might thus emerge from a fusion of unmet longing and power dynamics—a way to reclaim control over a past that once left him helpless.

Kink as a Mechanism of Psychological Reversal:  In trauma psychology, erotic reversal is a concept wherein individuals transform distressing experiences into controlled, pleasurable ones. Clinical literature in BDSM studies suggests that role-play involving dominant parental figures may serve as a reparative fantasy. For Riddle, consensual maternal-dominant role-play might allow him to process and symbolically “re-write” his childhood narrative: he is now choosing the maternal figure, receiving structured affection, and experiencing rule-enforcement in a safe, affirming way. This theory also draws on mastery repetition—the idea that people sometimes repeat early traumas in new contexts in order to master them emotionally. A maternal kink might thus offer Riddle an outlet to safely engage with the themes of discipline, love, and approval that once hurt him.

Submissive Traits Under Control-Oriented Mask:  Despite his authoritarian behavior, Riddle frequently displays signs of underlying vulnerability and fear of rejection—hallmarks of an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. His need to follow rules, gain recognition, and suppress emotion may be defense mechanisms against feelings of inadequacy instilled by his mother. In adulthood, such individuals may be drawn to caregiver-dominant dynamics in which they can temporarily surrender the burden of control. A “mommy kink,” in this case, would allow Riddle to engage with a nurturing-yet-structured authority figure who guides and praises him—precisely what he was denied as a child. Research on kink communities confirms that submissive individuals often seek emotional containment through structured power exchange, especially when they come from high-control or emotionally deprived backgrounds.

Regressive Coping and the Desire to Be Cared For: Another explanation comes from the idea of regression under stress. Highly rigid, perfectionistic individuals—like Riddle—often experience psychological exhaustion or breakdowns when they can no longer meet their self-imposed standards. In adulthood, this can manifest as an intense desire to temporarily surrender control, sometimes through erotic or emotional regression. The “mommy kink” can fulfill this need by allowing a controlled, adult-safe form of being cared for, disciplined, and forgiven.

Conclusion:

Based on his canonical profile, Riddle Rosehearts does not fit the pattern of someone with a “mommy kink.” His strict upbringing under an authoritarian mother seems to have instilled in him a desire for control and perfection, not a craving to be cared for or disciplined by a maternal figure. His psychological development emphasizes rule‑following and self‑discipline rather than maternal submission or infantilism. In summary, Riddle’s personality and history suggest he would be highly unlikely to manifest a mommy‑role sexual fetish; instead, he embodies the authority he once feared.

However, while canon Riddle Rosehearts internalizes his mother’s strictness and presents as a rigid authority figure, a psychological reading allows room for a nuanced alternative. Based on established psychological theory—including attachment dynamics, trauma repetition, and kink psychology—it is plausible that Riddle might develop a maternal-dominant kink in adulthood as a way to fulfill unmet emotional needs, explore repressed desires, and process early emotional deprivation.

Simply put, I don’t personally think Riddle fits the criteria—but that doesn’t mean the headcanon comes out of nowhere. It can be justified; I just find it a bit unlikely in his case.

[homeboundmonsters]

Javert: Prison and Desire.

Struggling to formulate this but here it is anyway, a mini essay. This is a very abridged version of some ideas that have been percolating in my mind.

I think something not often discussed is the effect being born and raised in a prison would have on Javert’s understanding of affection and love. I think a lot of Javert’s confusion over his desire for Jean Valjean come from his early experiences and upbringing.

Javert’s desire for Jean Valjean is often expressed through violent imagery: tiger’s claws and teeth -leaping to bite; a spider catching a fly in its web; a cat toying with a mouse in its claws. Javert struggles to process desire as something that can be tender or intimate. He struggles with gentleness and affection. This can even be seen in how when he finally realises and recognises his own desire for Jean Valjean it is considered a form of destruction or forced change: claws being made to unclench, ice being melted; or as a form of submission: a dog submitting to a master. For Javert desire can only be expressed by violent taking or through complete submission of oneself to another. The roots of this can be found in his childhood.

We see the effect of prison on Jean Valjean: it takes a normal, loving family man and turns him into a man capable of murder, a man who interacts with society and processes his emotions through bouts of anger and violence. Javert has experienced what changed a grown man into a potential murderer in his most formative years. We know from his pre-suicide letter that Javert spent sometime in a woman’s prison witnessing the abuse of female prisoners who were given more space between bars most likely in order to facilitate sexual favours that would be coerced from them by guards. It is highly likely that during his developmental years he witnessed acts of sexual violence alongside acts of generalised violence. His small skull is associated, during the period Hugo was writing, with childhood neglect as it was caused by a baby being left too long lying on their back. This suggests that he lacked motherly attention or affection. Not to say that his mother did not love him, but it is highly likely that due to her circumstance she would not have been able to give him the input required. This was common for many children of the poor, but combined with growing up in a hostile environment surrounded by violence, sexual violence, and the removal of freedoms as a punishment for non-compliance we can begin to understand how Javert might grow up to associate violence with desire or love.

Javert’s natural submission to authority, his ability to disappear, his acute observational skills, his unwillingness to criticise those in power, the correlation he makes between destruction of identity (giving up his career and leaving into obscurity) and punishment can all be tracked to his experiences in childhood. Javert has spent his formative years living in fear, learning to make himself small and becoming hyper aware of what is around him at all times to avoid abuse. This has left him a damaged and vulnerable individual with no solid sense of internal security. He has never had love or stability, he has been deprived of affection, and has lived in an environment of constant physical and psychological abuse. We know from modern studies that these things quite literally change the brain anatomy of children growing up in these conditions. For a newborn baby the earliest form of love is being fed by their mother, and so food comes to be one of the earliest forms of comfort. Javert was no doubt seeing sex traded for food and for safety from physical violence, hence it would formulate in his mind not to equate to love or emotional intimacy but as a form of currency. Affection too, feigning love or preference, a tool for survival. How, in these conditions, can we expect him to develop into a psychosexually healthy individual? Hugo states that Javert is a virgin and, although we know Hugo did this because of his weird hang-up about virgin= good person, we can suppose that Javert’s virginity stems from a deep-seated trauma associated with his development within a sexually violent environment.  

Then, as young adult, Javert moved to working in male prisons. In France, during the 1800’s, prisons had some of the highest rates of recorded homosexuality in the country and it is likely that all throughout his career as a prison guard Javert was witnessing acts of sexual violence, or acts of consensual but unlikely to be safe sodomy. As he went through puberty he would have been only interacting with male/male acts of sexual violence. Whatever he might have felt would have been confused with fear and awareness of the inherent danger that existed within male/male sexual relationships in prison. Male/male sexual desire, although legal in France by the time of Les Mis, was still something considered morally reprehensible and as belonging in the underbelly of French social life. When Javert desires Jean Valjean, he desires him through the framework of violence because he has spent a lifetime witnessing sex as an act of violence or as a framework through which power and control can be expressed. He wants to have power over Jean Valjean- that is to say arrest him- and at the same time experiences this strange conflicting but also correlating desire to possess and ‘devour’ ‘his convict.’

When he finally recognises his desire for what it is, and detaches it from his desire to arrest Jean Valjean, his desire transmutes itself into a desire to submit. This is because, for Javert, submission has been his norm: one must submit to authority in order to survive it. When he sought to destroy Jean Valjean, he was secure in his understanding of male/male desire, when he realises what he desires is something more tender- a dog licking the intruders hand- he finds himself adrift unable to process his feelings. How can male/male desire be tender? How can it be loving? How can it mean devotion and choosing to submit in the understanding that you will be safe and unharmed? This is outside of Javert’s psychological vocabulary. This is also why Javert cannot understand Valjean’s freeing of him at the barricade: authority means violence. Valjean has authority and chooses mercy. Javert has no previous experience with or understanding of love and so has no groundwork on which he can build. Valjean at least had familial love in his sister/mother figure, his father, and the love of his nieces and nephews, but how does one begin to approach loving another human being when they have lacked even that? Love is not a natural occurrence it is a learnt behaviour and one Javert has never been taught.

I think this is part of what I find so interesting about Javert, so often he is criticised for not living up to modern moral expectations and yet so little consideration is given to the traumatic circumstances that existed throughout his childhood and which formulated his rigid perspective of the world. How can one who has never experienced mercy be expected to know how to give it? How can one who has never been loved be able to offer it? Javert has lacked the basic structure of society and has learned to survive under tyrannical rule, that is not something so easily shucked off in adulthood. Despite leaving prison, prison never left Javert and it shapes every decision, every flaw and every fault he struggles with throughout his life.

[clownakai]

Hi! It's me again! Let's talk about: Shiho's trauma and how Gosho's portrayal of it comes as a pleasant surprise within Detco's rather abysmal landscape of in-depth representation

Very important disclaimer(s): I am not a licensed professional yet, and I am not diagnosed with any kind of trauma-related disorder. I nonetheless hold this topic dearly and wish to gather in one place at least a few of the things that made me truly appreciate the portrayal of Shiho's trauma in a way others haven't. Lastly, this remains of course a personal opinion first and foremost, so keep that in mind if you decide to dive into it!

P.S. - While I always try to start from canon material, we lack a lot of details re: Shiho's backstory. I will generally attempt to hypothesize what could have transpired in the past considering the repercussions we can observe in Shiho's attitude and behaviors, but my own speculations cannot compare to canon actually filling in those blanks (which I highly doubt we'll ever get in the first place).

P.P.S. - this thing got long. Like. Really long. And because of tumblr’s newfound habit of flagging random things as nsfw, I couldn't add any manga screenshots. Get ready for a wall of text, gamers

The Roots of Shiho's Trauma

Trauma is in itself an incredibly complex topic— even the mere fact that a set threshold past which events can begin to be considered traumatic doesn't actually exist on the grounds that individuals tend to react differently to the same stimuli (e.g. I once had to watch my father get the shit beaten out of him by a man twice his size to the point he had to go to the hospital, but neither I nor my dad ended up developing any sort of trauma response afterwards— I'm no warier of strangers than I'd been prior to what happened, and my father is as polite and non-threatening around really tall strangers as ever. This isn't to say that the event itself didn't have an impact on us, of course, but it didn't significantly affect our day-to-day functioning in distressing ways either. I do however know of people who, after experiencing this type of assault, developed an all-consuming agoraphobia— among other trauma-related symptoms—, for example) renders things all the more nuanced from the get-go.

With that said there is of course a point to be made about the kind of trauma Shiho herself has been subjected to. In her case, the very environment she grew up in was traumatic: from a very young age— as soon as her giftedness was identified—, she's been pressured to excel, and while studying in the States, although I imagine she hadn't been strictly beholden to furthering the Organization's goals just yet, there must have been BO members or at least affiliates watching her every move.

Later on, she is constantly required to produce results via researching something we can't even be sure she was truly interested in: being a child prodigy and yet leading the research on the "wonder drug" means she was thrust in yet another environment full of adults that likely didn't much appreciate having to listen to a literal teenager, and on top of that her social life was considerably stunted in favor of the job she'd been assigned. At any and all times she'd been under scrutiny, and her own sister was made into an incentive for her to behave herself and stick to her duties. After Rye was outed as a NOC, the situation could only have degenerated— Akemi being most likely compromised meant there was a chance Sherry was as well, which would have translated into stricter regulations and increasingly more controlling behavior from the Organization.

Considering her backstory and how it's presented to us, we also know Shiho didn't have a childhood complete with stable parental figures, and she was separated from her much less useful sister very early on. That too is a kind of instability that deeply affects the developing individual, and if unaddressed it has a high chance of leading to widespread issues later in life.

So, we already have three pretty relevant points to start with: prolonged exposure to stress, perceived (but also very real) threats and instability that spans a decade at the very least. But fear not, for we can add more.

While I think this is somewhat of a point of contention within the fandom, I myself believe that there has been some sort of abuse perpetrated towards Shiho from within the BO's ranks. Her panic reaction extends to any and all members, yes, but Gin (and for some reason Vermouth) gets the biggest externalizations of it (let us never forget that he canonically stars in Shiho's nightmares).

Now, regardless of whether we're going to find out what kind of abuse Shiho went through (psychological, physical, sexual), and considering that we most likely never will, the implications on Gin's part abound in the early manga (and one can even posit that a few specific remarks made by Shiho are a direct consequence of her own experiences, expressed through dry humor and snark as a way of feeling more "in control" of the situation). I understand that Gin is literally "guy who will hunt you down and kill you with a smile", but so are basically all the other BO members, and Shiho only ever reacts so strongly to Gin. To me this means she either directly experienced some form of abuse at his hand, or that she projected well over a decade of stress and fear of the Organization onto Gin, thus turning him into a sort of boogeyman— a herald of every horrifying thing the BO is capable of.

Lastly, the impact of Akemi's death should also be taken into consideration, above all in relation to the role Shiho is firmly convinced she herself had in it. Considering how attached Shiho was to Akemi, and how her older sister's continued safety had been the biggest incentive for Shiho to have behaved herself especially in the past few years, her execution (delivered by Gin himself, once again cementing him as a big player in Shiho's trauma) definitely "breaks" her for good.

It's worth noting that the way Shiho breaks leads her to rebel against the system that's been suffocating her all along, but doing so is insanely hard and given the lack of a solid support system to fall back on, it doesn't go far: her actions aren't even that explosive— she announces that she will no longer work on the APTX until someone tells her the truth behind her sister's death— but they nonetheless elicit an extreme reaction from the Organization, thus further confirming its status as a massive threat to Shiho in her mind. Before the BO she is entirely powerless: they decide whether she's useful or not, they decide whether she's worth keeping alive, they decide what she should do, they decide that she's expendable the moment she displays independent wishes.

We have therefore unspecified abuse and grief accentuated by strong feelings of perceived responsibility re: the loss that transpired in addition to our first three big stars in the constellation behind most, if not all, of Shiho's trauma responses.

While frustrating to my perfectionist mind (everything must have a specific cause and if I do not make an effort to clarify or at least imply what it is in my work I perish; it definitely shines through via my poorly restrained desire to compensate for the chunks and details of Shiho's backstory we're missing), the fact that a great deal of what caused Shiho's trauma in the first place is quite nondescript at first glance, almost as if Shiho were trying to convince herself and others that "it's not a big deal" by rarely— if ever— bringing it up (and when she does she recounts the events matter-of-factly, as if she were largely unaffected by them), is something I've found myself appreciating more and more as the story progressed. Not because it truly isn't important, but because it can actually be pieced together through Shiho's every action, time and time again. At long last, a character whose trauma doesn't only make itself known when a specific trigger is at play, but rather pervades every single aspect of the survivor's life whether they're conscious of it or not.

Now, one thing I won't be doing is attempting to put a clinical label on what Shiho is experiencing: this is because her position in the manga is quite complex, and seeing as the plot itself isn't centered around her and her trauma, things aren't necessarily clear-cut. For example, Shiho did indeed get out of a stressful and traumatizing environment, but that doesn't mean she's out of danger for good just yet— if we were to attempt to categorize the symptoms she displays with the goal of making a diagnosis, we just wouldn't be able to do so due to the very much still present stressors and traumatic elements.

Applying a label to Shiho's experiences is also not the point of this post in the first place, and so I decided not to. I wanted to focus on the visible effects of her trauma, and how she's shown to be willing to at least try to break away from the mechanisms and mentality she's developed.

Which is how we get to the next section of this bad boy:

Haibara Ai And Living With Trauma

From the very moment we begin to learn about Sherry's backstory, her words and behaviors indicate a deeply rooted pessimistic outlook on her predicament— and quite possibly life itself. The very name she picked for her new identity specifically includes the Japanese character for 'sorrow', as opposed to that of 'love' suggested by Agasa. Even with said choice being played off as Shiho— now Ai— intentionally trying to unsettle Conan in every way she can, I can't help but read way too much into it and see a young woman who genuinely sees herself in that Kanji. Pain is all she is. Pain is all the world offers. It's inescapable the way a name is, and she made it into a reminder she's going to hear daily from now on.

It's also interesting how Ai brings up time and time again how Conan is the only one who can understand (and therefore help) her, with specific references to their shared predicament: Conan knows about the Organization, ended up shrunk because of the APTX, and has to constantly hide from them by playing the part of a grade schooler. While a freshly shrunk Shiho's options were insanely limited from the start, she still opted to head for Kudou Shinichi's house because in her mind he was the only person who could ever understand her situation by virtue of sharing the same experience.

As the plot slowly moves forward and we get to see more of Ai interacting with the world around her, multiple other things become very clear: an especially pronounced trait of hers is that she struggles to hold on to positive emotions and trains of thought, most notably very early on in the manga. She always finds a sour note even in the happiest of situations, because her thinking patterns cannot break out of that constant negative spiral— she is effectively still trapped, at least mentally.

As an additional example of this, even though she's been away from the traumatic environment for months, Ai cannot stop thinking about it (this can technically be countered by the fact that the danger itself isn't entirely gone. Shiho is safe for the time being, but the danger is always lurking somewhere. The problem is that she sees it everywhere instead, and cannot let go of the notion that she's going to get got if she relaxes even for a moment, which is what actually makes this kind of reaction encroach into unhealthy territory).

There's a also very obvious disconnect between her and her peers (both perceived— the Detective Boys— and real— other teenagers). To Ai, all these people are too naive for this world, and they aren't ready to handle its cruelty. She is quite defeatist in her outlook on life and has difficulties understanding how the people around her can be so optimistic, which in turn makes forming new bonds much harder for everyone involved: by keeping others at arm's length, Ai acts on the fear of having to experience a loss as devastating as her sister's ever again— here we have the avoidant aspect of her trauma reactions.

Speaking of: she also projects Akemi on Ran multiple times in canon, and always in contexts where danger and death are at the very least in the background. She's just like Akemi in that she decides to protect Shiho by putting her own life on the line. She's just like Akemi and like her she's going to die. Ai's reluctance to even introduce herself to Ran, and especially her shark-dolphin metaphor, is in my opinion pretty indicative of yet another tendency that can be found in trauma survivors, and that is the belief that there is something about yourself that is inherently dirty and shameful (traumatic event(s)), that sets you apart from normal, even good people, and it is a gap that can never be filled because you're now irreversibly damaged.

Dipping our toes into a more cliché detail re: the portrayal of trauma in media, let's not forget that Ai has nightmares featuring one of the sources of her trauma (and while Gosho kind of actually uses the Gin one as a "prophetic" dream, Conan does canonically comment on the fact that Ai is a night owl/doesn't sleep nearly enough, and we could interpret that as her being unwilling to fall asleep and risk yet more nightmares).

A considerable portion of Reunion With The Black Organization is dedicated to showing us just how much of an effect a single nightmare about Gin has on Ai. She's even more withdrawn than usual, prone to getting lost in her head (possibly even dissociating), receptive to the tiniest details that inevitably rouse her memory of the nightmare to the point she fails to assess the non-existent risk factor of her current situation and has a panicked outburst towards a very confused Ayumi, who did nothing apart from touching Ai's arm. Her emotional dysregulation in these panels shows us a clear see-saw between numbness, then mounting fear up to her breaking point (startle reaction), then an unfiltered externalization of her anguish that is ultimately played off as a joke so as to avoid further scrutiny from the Detective Boys.

We also get to see Ai's reaction to the mere sight of a black Porsche 356A, Gin's favorite car. The interesting part is that said man isn't even around at the time— this could be anyone's car. But it's still enough to trigger Ai's freeze response and put her on high alert. Later on, in The Four Porsches, we find out that said car doesn't even need to be a specific color for Ai to start spiraling, which is a pretty good example of how something innocuous and only vaguely analogous to past events can be more than enough to remind a survivor of their trauma.

Even with what little we are given, it's also laughably easy to tell how utterly terrified of "going back" or otherwise re-experiencing the effects of the environment she grew up in Ai is, which naturally includes an abject fear of the people that used to be around her. Ai's "sixth sense", although specifically primed to hone in on Organization operatives, feels to me like a magnified version of the hypervigilance that trauma survivors experience.

Surprisingly enough, as that isn't something I see often in media, we even see her considering (and attempting not once but twice) the ultimate escape as an option: killing herself (or letting herself be killed) would definitely solve all of Ai's problems. It'd free her from the constant fear and misery that characterize her every waking hour— and undoubtedly her sleep as well. It'd even rid all the wonderful, untainted people she somehow managed to surround herself with of the most dangerous burden they could have ever found themselves dragging around.

This constant devaluation of her person plays such a big part in selling Shiho's trauma, at least to me. It doesn't come off as edgy or disingenuous because it has solid roots in her past, in the things she's done and what she's been through. Sherry's value lied in her brain, her genius: in a way, even Ai's working on an antidote, producing prototype after prototype at a frankly insane rate for a person who's working alone and with fragmented data to start with, can be traced back to the unhealthy notions that have been drilled into her by the Organization. She actively relives her day-to-day life as Sherry after she's gotten out, and it's fine because it's familiar. She knows how this works much better than she knows how to hold a friendly conversation with a peer: she's back under pressure, but at least she's in control. And this way she can prove that she's good, that she's useful, that she's worth keeping around.

Truly, having reached this point, the question comes naturally: can it get better? The answer? Yes. Yes, it can.

The Ups And Downs Of Recovery, Between Healing And Fighting Back

Let's not kid ourselves: recovery is hardly a straight line. There's no magical fix-all cure that entirely erases someone's trauma and associated triggers in the blink of an eye simply because the current situation requires it, or because “it's been long enough” and other people just want them to get over it already. Trauma doesn't just “go away” because you really need it to. It doesn't stop affecting you, but there are ways to ensure it no longer takes over every moment of your life.

For Shiho, the first step towards recovery consists in acknowledging that 1) she is not alone anymore, and 2) she may be deathly afraid, but letting herself drown in that fear, only ever running away from it, isn't going to make things better.

Still, “fighting back” isn't all about acting like Conan. Ai is hardly expected to hunt down the Organization the way Conan does, and she honestly shouldn't be. Her experiences with the BO largely differ from Conan's, and even without taking that into consideration, different people may react very differently to traumatic events.

Ai's abject fear and general unwillingness to confront the Organization face to face (or investigating it in general) aren't a sign of weakness on her part, nor is it necessarily bad writing on Gosho's end. I am actually elated to see how consistent Ai is in her avoidance of those massive triggers. She rightfully wants to know when they're around, wants updates on their movements, but she loathes the idea of actively interacting or facing off against them even after Sherry's supposed death on the Mystery Train. Everything about the BO is bad news and bearer of bad memories, and she wants those reminders as far away from her as possible— which is an absolutely valid position for her to maintain.

However, in the eventuality that Ai decides to start facing her fears in a healthy, constructive way rather than as a way to get herself killed (which is in fact what eventually happens in canon), starting small is key— and it's to my delight that Gosho made a point of having Ai do just that. It takes her so, so long, but she decides to stop running because she's reached the conclusion that even if she does, she's never going to be truly safe and free (which is, coincidentally, what happens if trauma goes unaddressed); by refusing to go into Witness Protection, she acknowledges her fears but also the fact that she's not alone in facing them, and that she can't ever expect to find peace if she doesn't start doing just that.

Later on, during Black Impact, we see Ai being proactive and helping out in a small way by providing Jodie with the number she needs to call. Albeit tiny, the action doesn't go unnoticed by Conan, who comments on how unlike Ai that was, nor by Jodie, who shoots her a thumbs up. And here's the thing: of all people, Jodie is maybe the one who actually comes the closest to understanding at least some of Shiho's feelings, especially in regards to the abject isolation of having your family ripped away from you all at once (only to immediately find yourself in danger in return) and consequently the Witness Protection Program.

I'm definitely more than a little biased when I say I'm sad that Gosho didn't explore their parallels further, especially when Jodie herself canonically acknowledges their similarities as well as what sets them apart: unlike her, Ai refused to go into Witness Protection, because she's already found more than enough reasons to keep her in one place, and those reasons— those people— give her courage. It's pretty simplified, of course, because this isn't what the manga itself is about, but it is nonetheless a heartwarming moment that showcases how building meaningful relationships anew can literally be life-changing in the face of trauma. Regardless, I immensely appreciate the fact that these scenes exist at all.

Now, is this all there is to Ai’s path to recovery? Of course not. The Organization itself isn't the only thing weighing her down, after all: her grief and feelings of responsibility regarding Akemi's death play a big part in her day-to-day problems as well. To put one of my earlier observations about the visible consequences of Shiho's trauma to good use, let's jump back to The Mystery In The Net, where we see Ran initially remark on how Ai refuses to even look at her when they're near each other; at the tail end of the case, seemingly out of nowhere, Ai surprises the other girl by willingly introducing herself and offering a handshake. It's genuinely touching to see, most notably because we as readers are privy to information Ran doesn't have— she doesn't know how Ai sees her, nor how the little girl sees herself. She has no idea that what makes her a lovely person to interact with is exactly what's causing Ai to keep her distance, but we do, and Ai managing to put aside her fear and shame in order to reach out to someone like Ran is definitely a massive step forward as far as her interpersonal relationships go.

Along with all this progress, however, come many relapses— usually due to a close encounter with a member of the Organization. In these cases, but most importantly in their aftermath, we're shown just how debilitating Ai's trauma responses are. After The Mysterious Passenger, wherein Ai “only” spent her time in freeze mode because of how close she was to an Organization operative and then proceeded to try to stay behind on a bus that was about to explode because she'd convinced herself that only by dying could she do the right thing, we're plunged into a relatively low-stakes case where a small dog disappears. More than anything else, it's Ai's attitude, her words, and the things we find out through the Detective Boys and Agasa that paint the true haunting picture of the day. Ai has retreated into herself, unable to escape the vicious cycle of her negative mindset, and it's a wonder Agasa even managed to get her to step foot outside— all of this from a girl who was teasing the old inventor for catching a cold right before having to go skiing just a few days ago, seemingly completely at ease in her skin and with the world around her.

I'm not going to lie: this is the kind of up and down that only brings me closer to Ai. It is frustrating to see it happen, and that's good! That's exactly right! Because imagine if, instead of just witnessing it, you were the person this is happening to: opening up the tiniest bit, daring to stick your head outside because you think that maybe, just maybe, today is going to be a nice day, only to be sent spiraling right back into fight/flight/freeze mode and having to start the process of loosening up all over again. Rinse and repeat. It's infuriating. It's maddening. It's despair-inducing. Will it ever end?

That's what I love about Shiho, Sherry, Ai. This feels so real in a way I don't see often, and it's the reason why, despite all my gripes with Gosho's writing (particularly that of these last few years), I actually think he's done a pretty damn good job with Ai. Yes, even now that she's “so annoying”. Even now that she snaps and snarks and externalizes her emotions in a way that clearly doesn't appeal to everyone. Because that, too, can be what it looks like when someone starts taking their life back piece by piece: their personality, if carefully repressed in the past, begins to unfurl. And it's not always one-hundred percent pleasant, but honestly? I wouldn't expect it to be, especially not from someone like Shiho, and especially considering that yes, she's beginning to heal, but it's not a monitored process. She isn't actively being helped nor taught about ways to manage her trauma, and it's amazing that she's made so much progress on her own. It's amazing that she wants to live now (most days).

And it's going to get better. It's going to get better, and she's going to be there for it.

[luvmahae]

live, laugh, y/n!

‣ y/n (my melody): business admin/management major, wants to be a human resources manager for a corporation in the future. she's addicted to matcha lattes (specifically with oat milk) and has a huge passion for music festivals and concerts, particularly electronic dance music events. her chaotic yet fun-loving spirit is what her friends love most about her—she’s always down for anything and everything. in chenle's words, "what a down ass friend fr".

‣ karina (cinnamoroll): majoring in early childhood development with a psychology minor, she dreams of becoming a kindergarten teacher. her natural nurturing qualities make her the "mom" of the group, always giving great advice and is the #1 person you run to for comfort. poor girl is a lightweight with everything... but at least she can hang! she's patient, empathetic, and did i mention she's drop dead beautiful?

‣ ningning (kuromi): the sassy bombshell who's a hospitality major with aspirations of becoming a corporate event planner. she's the organizer of the group, always making sure their trips and events go off without a hitch. whether it’s a casual hangout or a full-on vacation, she's the reason why they "made it out of the group chat". queen of standing on business... literally.

‣ chenle (pochacco): a sports management major not because of stephen curry but because he's obsessed with the sports industry as a whole. he's the type to always has some game or match streaming, no matter where you are. like why are we watching basketball reels at the club? not to mention, he's the king of scoring tickets for events, count on him during presale!

‣ renjun (pompompurin): surprisingly, he's a nursing major on track to become a pediatric registered nurse. like karina, he loves working with kids but has chosen the medical path instead. he's the responsible one in the friend group, always prepared and looking out for everyone. he's actually crazy— not in a bad way, more like how does a nursing student pull all these missions and benders back to back? renjun is just god sent according to ningning (is she wrong tho) (all hail renjun)

the "sanrihoes" group formed during their first year of college when they all lived in the same dorm building, just on different floors. karina and y/n were roommates and ningning roomed right next to them (she basically had the room to herself because her assigned roommate never came... rip). initially, they met through a series of study sessions and campus events, but their bond truly solidified after attending a university-hosted music festival together. despite their different majors and interests, they found common ground in their shared energy for college life, late-night hangouts, and their love for edm. since then, they've been inseparable.

masterlist — haechan's group

notes: i highkey love this friend group so much... just reminds me of the good ol times! just a couple of besties battling college together!!!it took me forever to make both yn's group and haechan's group... im just so nervous doing this LMFAO </3 also it took me so long to even finish up half of these things bc ive been traveling!!!

[dykeredhood]

I genuinely can’t stress enough that if you ever refer to your own child as “a useful body” (within earshot/in any context) then it will really screw up your child’s self image

[twistedheartsclub]

Yandere Sugar daddy X Fem Reader

Content Warnings: obsessive behavior, stalking, age gap relationship, power imbalance, manipulation, sugar baby/sugar daddy dynamic, dubcon, noncon, psychological control, emotional abuse, sexual coercion, isolation, forced dependency, pregnancy kink, breeding kink, past trauma, toxic relationships, gaslighting, possessiveness, jealousy, violence or threat of violence, sexual content (18+).

Y/N’s dorm room – late evening, soft lamp light, the hum of a laptop screen.

Y/N sat cross-legged on her bed, staring at her bank account.

$8.43

She bit her lip and tugged her oversized sweatshirt tighter around her frame. Her tuition deadline loomed, her work-study hours had been cut, and her dad—what little he had—was already stretched thin supporting her younger siblings.

Across the room, her roommate Zadie rolled onto her stomach, bubblegum pink nails tapping at her phone. “You know there’s a solution, right?”

Y/N glanced up. “Selling plasma again?”

“Nope.” Zadie grinned. “Men.”

Y/N blinked. “Men?”

Zadie sat up, grabbing her laptop. “Sugar daddies, babe. Just companionship. You talk. You let them feel important. They send you rent, tuition, maybe a little extra for lingerie if they’re feeling generous.”

Y/N frowned. “I don’t know…”

“You’re gorgeous. Sweet. You give off innocent little bunny vibes. These guys eat that up.”

Y/N hesitated. She’d never even had a real boyfriend. The idea made her stomach twist—but the thought of dropping out twisted harder.

One hour later, with Zadie coaching her, her profile was live.

Username: SoftPetal19 Age: 19 Major: Early Childhood Development Bio: “Just a college girl who loves books, baking, and big dreams. I’m kind, loyal, and always trying to do the right thing.”

They picked her best photo—one Zadie had snapped while Y/N was reading on the quad, sunlight in her hair.

Then… nothing. Until three minutes later.

A new message. From S.Vale.

Silas Vale (Age: 42) — Verified

“You look like you belong somewhere soft. I can give you that.”

Y/N stared. Her hands trembled as she clicked his profile.

CEO. Investor. Ivy League grad. Salt-and-pepper hair, sharp cheekbones, a dark tailored suit. Eyes that made her want to look away.

Zadie whistled low. “Damn. Daddy’s got cash.”

Y/N read the message again. She didn’t reply.

Not yet.

But she didn’t close the laptop either.

Two nights later, Y/N was still staring at the unread message from Silas Vale.

She hadn’t replied. She hadn’t deleted it either.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard when Zadie burst into the room, heels clicking against the cheap dorm floor.

“Guess who just had dinner with her sugar daddy at Del Mar?”

Y/N blinked. “You?”

Zadie dropped onto her bed with a dramatic sigh, lipstick still perfect, eyes gleaming. “Babe. He ordered for me, handed me his card, and then—” she paused, grinning, “—slipped a little something extra in my panties before I left.”

Y/N flushed. “Zadie!”

“What? He was sweet about it. Tucked a couple hundreds right between my thighs like I was a vending machine. Men like gratitude, babe.”

Y/N turned back to her laptop. The message still stared at her.

You look like you belong somewhere soft. I can give you that.

Zadie leaned over her shoulder. “He messaged again yet?”

Y/N shook her head. “No. Just that one.”

Zadie bit her lip, reading it again. “He’s into you. You should answer.”

“I don’t know. It just feels… weird.”

Zadie’s voice lowered. “You know he could pay off your whole semester without blinking?”

“I’m not you.”

“No,” Zadie said, curling her fingers under Y/N’s chin to make her look up, “you’re better. Sweeter. He’s gonna love that.”

There was a pause. Then—

“You want to make him wait? Send him something instead.”

“Like what?”

Zadie reached into her bag, pulled out a cherry red gloss and handed it over. “Kiss your mirror. Wear the sweatshirt that shows your collarbone. Sit on the edge of your bed and smile. Sweet. Nervous. Like you’re not sure if this is okay.”

Y/N hesitated. “Zadie…”

Zadie shrugged, standing up. “Or don’t. Just say goodbye to this school. And your dreams. And your Starbucks addiction.”

She tossed her wallet on her bed and headed for the shower.

Y/N stared at the gloss.

Then the mirror.

Then the message.

And slowly… she picked up her phone.

Y/N’s phone buzzed just after sunset.

S.Vale:

I want to see you tonight. No pressure. Just dinner. Say yes and I’ll send a car.

Her heart skipped.

Zadie squealed the moment she read over Y/N’s shoulder. “Oh my god. This is it.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

“You will. And you’re gonna be stunning.”

Zadie was already dragging her toward the closet. Heels clattered. Hangers flew.

“Not the cardigan—hell no. You’re giving soft sex kitten. Think Chanel, but virginal.” She shoved a silky black slip dress into Y/N’s arms. Thin straps. Low back. Lace at the hem.

“I can’t wear this.”

“You can and you will.” Zadie grinned, already applying gloss to Y/N’s lips. “He wants a fantasy, babe. Innocent on the outside, temptation just barely peeking through.”

Y/N sat frozen on the bed while Zadie did her hair, added soft shimmer to her cheeks, spritzed perfume behind her ears. She felt like a doll being dressed for sacrifice.

At 7:45, her phone buzzed again.

Unknown Number:

Your car is waiting outside.

Y/N stood, wobbling in the heels Zadie forced her into. Her stomach turned. The dress clung too much. Her chest felt too exposed. Her thighs were shaking.

She turned toward her roommate. “Do I look okay?”

Zadie’s gaze softened just a little. “You look… like a girl a man like him would ruin.”

Y/N’s breath caught.

Zadie smirked, opening the door. “Go get your tuition, baby.”

Outside

A sleek black town car idled at the curb. The driver stepped out wordlessly and opened the back door.

Y/N slid inside, the leather cool beneath her thighs. The city lights blurred past the tinted windows. Her hands fidgeted in her lap the entire ride.

Her mind raced:

What if he’s creepy? What if he tries something? What if he’s disappointed?

But she didn’t text Zadie. She didn’t ask to turn around.

She just waited.

At exactly 8:02, the car pulled up in front of a quiet rooftop restaurant. No sign. No crowd. Just elegance. And him.

Silas Vale stood at the entrance like a shadow come to life—charcoal suit, tailored perfectly, salt-and-pepper hair swept back, sharp jaw tense until his eyes landed on her.

Then he smiled.

Slow. Approving.

And everything inside her clenched.

He stepped forward, offered a hand to help her out of the car.

“You came,” he said.

His voice was low. Refined. Dangerous.

Y/N nodded, too nervous to speak.

He didn’t let go of her hand.

“Good girl.”

Y/N stepped into the restaurant, heels clicking nervously against the polished floor. She expected other diners, maybe soft chatter and silverware clinking.

Instead—it was empty.

Just her.

And him.

Silas stood beneath the warm glow of golden sconces, a private table already set with candles and wine. Everything about him was crisp. Clean. Sharp. From the glint of his cufflinks to the way his dark eyes trailed down her body—slowly.

“You’re trembling,” he murmured.

Y/N swallowed hard. “I’m not used to... this.”

He offered his arm. “You will be.”

She didn’t take it, but he walked beside her anyway, guiding her to the table. He pulled out her chair himself. When she sat, she realized: the view behind him was the entire city—blinking, alive, too far away to touch.

He took his seat across from her, folding his hands, eyes unreadable. Then:

“You bite your lip when you’re nervous.”

Her cheeks flushed. “I—sorry.”

“Don’t be. I like it.” He poured her a glass of deep red wine. “Drink. It’ll help.”

She hesitated, then took a sip.

And another.

And another.

By the time the waiter brought out the first course, she’d forgotten to be scared of the silverware.

Silas watched her with a quiet sort of fascination.

She wasn’t like the others.

No questions about allowance. No eager demands. No caked-on makeup or sultry pouts rehearsed in mirrors.

Just this sweet little thing, in Zadie’s too-short dress, fidgeting with her hair, eyes wide and cautious. Biting her lip. Blushing when he looked too long.

And asking him things no one ever did.

“Why me?” she’d asked, voice soft and slurred from her third glass.

“You seem lonely.”

“You don’t know me.”

He leaned back, watching her, amused. “Then tell me.”

She did.

She talked about her major—Early Childhood Development—how she always loved little things. Playdough and picture books and crayons. About Her siblings, and how she wanted to teach the kind of patience she wished someone had taught her.

She told him about her dad, how he lost his job just before retirement, and now they lived in a rented apartment too small for dreams.

She even told him she’d never had a boyfriend that lasted more than three months.

“I’m… a lot to deal with,” she mumbled. “I think. Or I’m just boring.”

“You’re not boring,” Silas said quietly. “You’re unspoiled.”

She blinked. “Is that… good?”

“It’s rare.”

By the time the waiter cleared the last dish, her fourth glass of wine was gone. Her cheeks were flushed, her laugh soft and uncertain. But her shoulders were looser. Her eyes no longer darted toward the door.

She was melting.

He reached across the table, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’ve been very brave tonight.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You showed up. That’s more than most people ever do.”

His fingers lingered along her jaw, then dropped—grazing her hand as he stood. “Come. The couch over there is far more comfortable.”

Y/N hesitated. “There’s a couch… in the restaurant?”

“I bought the place out for tonight.” He offered his hand again. “It’s just us.”

Something inside her twisted. Nerves. Fear. Want.

She took his hand.

The Couch

It was tucked in the back corner, under low lighting. Plush. Velvet. Rich blue with gold buttons. She sank into it, suddenly realizing just how short her dress really was.

Silas didn’t sit beside her.

He stood in front of her.

Looking.

Devouring.

“You don’t know what kind of man I am, do you?” he said, voice low.

She blinked up at him. “I—I think you’re just… lonely too.”

Something dangerous flickered behind his eyes.

“I am,” he said. “But I’m also greedy.”

He knelt down, one hand resting lightly on her knee. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

Y/N froze. “Done what?”

“Been touched.”

Her throat went dry.

He leaned in, his hand trailing higher—slow, deliberate. The wine, the warmth, the weight of his voice—it all made her head spin.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered. “And I will.”

Her lips parted.

But nothing came out.

And that was all he needed.

He kissed her.

Soft at first. Almost reverent. Then harder. Deeper. Like he was claiming something he believed had always been his.

She whimpered into his mouth—her first kiss stolen, soaked in wine and perfume and things she didn’t yet understand.

When he pulled back, she was breathless.

He smiled against her lips.

“I want more, little one.”

A Hotel Built for Secrets

Silas didn’t ask—he instructed.

As they stepped out of the quiet restaurant, his hand found the small of her back. Warm. Steady. Too firm to ignore. A black car was already waiting at the curb, the door opened by a driver in a sharp suit who never made eye contact.

Y/N paused, suddenly sobering under the buzz of city lights and red wine. “Wait… I thought you were taking me home.”

“I am,” Silas said smoothly, helping her in. “Eventually.”

His voice curled around her like smoke, thick and unreadable. The door shut behind her with a solid thud, sealing her inside the leather-clad interior. Her heart beat too fast.

The ride was quiet—except for his fingers brushing hers. Not forceful. Just… waiting.

The hotel he brought her to wasn’t flashy. Not a towering skyscraper or gilded palace.

It was discreet.

Expensive.

The kind of place men like him brought things they wanted to keep quiet.

The elevator ride to the top floor was long, silent, and suffocating. She stared at the glowing numbers, wine swimming in her veins.

“Why here?” she asked.

Silas turned to her slowly. “Because I wanted you somewhere soft. Somewhere private.”

She swallowed.

The suite was dark wood and velvet. Warm lighting. Expensive champagne waiting on ice like he’d planned this all along.

Of course he had.

“I—I’m not sure…” she started, staying frozen by the door.

He turned, walking toward her with slow, graceful steps. “You’re free to go,” he murmured. “I won’t force you.”

But he stepped close. So close she could smell the wine on his breath and the woodsy cologne clinging to his suit.

His fingers brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.

“You’re just… so beautiful when you’re nervous, sweetheart.”

Y/N’s heart thundered.

“I didn’t think we’d come here,” she said softly.

“I didn’t think I’d want you this badly,” he replied.

He picked up a glass from the side table, already poured. “Just one more. To take the edge off.”

Her hand trembled as she took it.

He didn’t pressure her.

Not directly.

He let her drink.

Let her sit on the velvet couch, curled up with her knees tucked beside her. He made her feel like it was her idea when she kicked off her heels. When she let her hair down. When she laughed again.

Then he sat beside her—close.

His hand brushed her thigh, warm against the bare skin left exposed by the dress Zadie picked out.

“I’ve never done this before,” she confessed, eyes fluttering.

“Done what?” he murmured.

“Been with someone… like this. So much older. So…”

She didn’t finish.

“You mean powerful?” he whispered against her ear.

Her breath caught. She didn’t answer.

And he smiled.

The first kiss was slow. Stolen. She hadn’t even realized how close he’d gotten.

She gasped against his mouth, startled, unsure whether to pull away. His hand cupped her cheek gently.

“Easy,” he said. “I’ll teach you.”

She blinked up at him. “Teach me?”

His fingers trailed down her neck. “Everything.”

Her thighs clenched. Her body was hot—buzzing. Maybe the wine. Maybe the softness in his voice. Maybe the power.

His lips found hers again, deeper this time. Her hands fisted in the velvet of the couch.

He didn’t stop.

Didn’t push either.

Just coaxed.

Let her feel.

And when her legs parted just slightly under the hem of her dress, he slipped his hand up—slow, firm.

She gasped.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked.

She didn’t say yes.

But she didn’t say no either.

That was enough for Silas

The wine had dulled her edges, but not enough to erase the nerves coiling in Y/N’s stomach. His touch was soft—but insistent. Her body responded before her mind could catch up, shivering under his fingers as he whispered against her ear.

"You’re trembling, sweetheart."

She nodded, lips parted slightly. "I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing."

Silas cupped her cheek, eyes drinking in every flicker of doubt. "That’s what I like about you," he murmured. "You're untouched. Pure. But I’ll take care of you."

Her breath hitched as his hand slid higher along her thigh.

"Maybe we should—" she whispered, but the words died in her throat as he pressed a kiss just beneath her jawline.

“Stop?” he asked, still kissing, still stroking her gently. “You can… if you really want to. But I think you’re just scared because no one’s ever made you feel good before.”

His voice was a balm and a trap.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he whispered. “Not when I’m the only man who knows what your body really needs.”

Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut. Her skin felt too hot, too sensitive.

Then his hand reached the soaked silk between her legs.

She gasped, thighs twitching. “Silas—”

“Shh,” he whispered. “It’s okay, baby. You’re already responding to me. Just trust me.”

Her head dropped back against the couch. She tried to speak again—but then his fingers moved in slow, practiced rhythm. She choked on a moan, biting her knuckle.

“That’s it,” he murmured, watching her fall apart. “That’s my good girl.”

And when her body trembled from the unfamiliar rush that flooded her senses—he smiled like a man who had just claimed something sacred.

Like he had just won.

After, she curled in on herself, flushed and blinking, confused and dazed.

Silas didn’t leave.

Instead, he picked her up—carried her, bridal style, into the king-size bed like she weighed nothing. He laid her down on the silk sheets, pulled a blanket over her trembling frame.

Then… he stayed.

He didn’t fumble for clothes. Didn’t head to the door.

Instead, he slid in beside her.

The lights dimmed.

And for the first time in his life—Silas didn’t leave a sugar baby behind.

He stared at the ceiling, heart thudding, one arm wrapped tight around her waist.

This wasn’t a transaction anymore.

This was possession.

She was his.

And when her sleepy voice whispered, “Why are you still here?” into the dark, he only kissed the back of her neck and whispered:

“Because you belong to me now.”

Saturday Morning – 

The sun poured through the windows of the penthouse suite. High ceilings, silk sheets, and the distant hum of the city below. Y/N blinked awake, her body sore, limbs heavy. Her thighs ached. Her lips were swollen. Her neck tingled where his mouth had branded her.

Her gaze swept the room. He wasn’t in bed.

She sat up slowly, wincing as pressure flared deep between her legs. There was a faint trace of dried blood on the sheets. Her panties were nowhere to be seen. Her first time… and she didn’t even remember falling asleep.

The bathroom door opened. He stepped out.

Silas.

Shirtless. Towel slung around his hips. Steam rising off his chest. He looked so composed, so untouched, while she felt destroyed.

“Morning, sweetheart,” he said softly, crossing the room. His voice was warm. Like honey coating something sharp. “Did I wear you out?”

She didn't answer. He leaned down, brushing a kiss to her temple before handing her a credit card.

Her name was engraved on it.

“What is this?”

“Your tuition’s covered. So is your housing. And this—” he tucked a little velvet box into her hand, “—is just something to make you smile.”

Inside was a diamond-studded necklace. Small. Elegant. The pendant? His initial.

She stared at it.

“Why would you do this?”

“Because I take care of what’s mine.”

Saturday Afternoon –

She tried to leave.

“I just need to go home—”

But he stopped her at the door. Pressed her back against it, his hand on her waist.

“Home?” His mouth ghosted over her ear. “You are home, baby.”

She didn’t resist when he picked her up. Didn’t resist when he laid her out again on the bed, lips trailing down her stomach. “You were so good last night. I want more.”

His hands parted her thighs.

“No… wait—”

But he already had her, burying himself inside with a guttural groan. She gasped, back arching, nails digging into the sheets.

“You’re perfect like this,” he whispered. “Your first… your only. Let me ruin you.”

And he did.

Over and over.

He didn’t use protection.

Because why would he?

Saturday Night – 

He took her out to a private restaurant—just the two of them. The place was dark, romantic. He dressed her himself, sliding a tight little black dress up her shaking thighs. He clasped a diamond bracelet around her wrist.

“You look edible,” he murmured.

She barely tasted the food.

Four glasses of wine and his constant hand on her leg made it hard to focus. But she relaxed. Even laughed. He asked her about her childhood, her classes, her siblings. She told him everything.

He gave nothing in return—except charm. And eyes that never left her face.

At the end of the meal, they didn’t even make it back to the car.

He kissed her in the velvet-lined lounge. Deep, slow. Her first real kiss.

And then he laid her down on the couch, right there in the shadows, whispering against her lips:

“Mine.”

Sunday Morning –

She woke up sore again.

There were fresh marks on her hips. Her inner thighs.

His scent clung to her skin.

“You’re glowing,” he told her, climbing back into bed. He spooned her, one hand on her breast, the other tracing lazy circles on her stomach.

“You gave me your firsts,” he whispered. “And I’m going to give you your future.”

She didn’t speak.

Just laid there.

Then his lips pressed to her ear.

“More nights like this,” he murmured, “and you’ll never want anyone else.”

Sunday Night – 

When she finally stepped through the door of her dorm, she was dizzy. Not from the wine or the sex—but from the overload of it all. Her body ached in ways she didn’t have words for.

Zadie pounced.

“OH MY GOD—you’re glowing—what happened?!”

Y/N hesitated.

Then laughed.

And spilled everything.

Zadie squealed. “Girl, this is a dream. This is like some pretty woman fantasy meets mafia daddy-level realness!”

But once the lights went off…

Once Zadie was asleep…

Y/N curled up in her twin bed. Her thighs still sore. Her heart pounding.

She stared at the ceiling.

And whispered:

"I was supposed to wait."

"I was supposed to fall in love first."

And across town, Silas watched the camera feed from her dorm, a glass of wine in hand.

“You are in love,” he whispered to the screen.

“You just don’t know it yet.”

Monday morning arrived like a slap.

Y/N sat in the middle of her Early Childhood Development class, highlighter clutched in her hand, but her eyes weren’t following the words on the page.

All she could feel was the soreness between her legs. A ghost of his touch still lingered on her skin.

Every time she shifted in her seat, she flinched.

She kept tugging at her sweater sleeves, hiding the faint marks on her arms and wrists—his hands had been rough, possessive. Her bra was uncomfortable too. Everything felt like too much.

The professor called her name twice before she realized. Her cheeks flushed as the class turned to look.

“Sorry,” she whispered, forcing a smile. “Long weekend.”

After class, she hurried to her shift at the campus coffee shop. It was her one stable place—quiet, warm, safe. The smell of espresso and vanilla syrup helped calm her mind.

She tied her apron, pulled her hair into a bun, and went to work.

But every time the bell above the door rang, she tensed.

Would it be him?

Did he even know she worked here?

She had never told him.

Not about this.

Not about the part-time job she kept despite the credit card he’d slipped into her purse.

That card stayed untouched.

She hadn’t even looked at the balance.

Every time she saw it, she felt sick.

She didn’t want to owe him anything more than she already did.

Silas’s POV –

She hadn’t used the card.

Not once.

Silas sat in the back of his black SUV, parked two blocks from the coffee shop, watching her through tinted windows. He stirred the drink in his hand slowly, his face unreadable.

She was smiling.

Taking orders.

Acting like nothing had happened.

Like he hadn’t wrecked her all weekend.

Like she wasn’t his.

His jaw tightened.

“You give a girl your everything,” he murmured, watching her hand a latte to a tall guy who smiled too long, “and she dares go back to minimum wage?”

He tapped his finger on his phone screen, scrolling through her location, class schedule, security footage.

She hadn’t even logged into the bank account.

Did she think he wouldn’t notice?

Did she think she had a choice?

Later that night, Y/N walked home with her earbuds in, listening to soft music and ignoring the rush of traffic around her.

She hadn’t texted Silas once since she left.

Zadie was out, the dorm was quiet, and she sank into her twin bed with a long sigh. She hadn’t been able to focus all day.

During her shift, she’d accidentally given a customer almond milk instead of oat and got chewed out by her manager.

In class, she couldn’t stop thinking about how he kissed her throat while saying “mine.”

She felt...

Used.

And guilty.

And worse—craving him again, just a little.

It made her stomach twist.

She was supposed to be strong. Smart. Innocent.

Not this.

Not his.

Silas –

By the time she opened her phone and saw a new message, it was nearly midnight.

Silas:

Do you not understand how this works?

Her heart skipped.

She stared at the message.

Then another came.

Silas:

I gave you the world. Tuition. Safety. Love. And you repay me by pretending nothing happened?

Her hands trembled.

Silas:

You think you can ignore me, little girl? You think I’ll allow that?

She locked her phone.

But it buzzed again.

This time, a photo.

Her. From earlier. Taking out the trash behind the coffee shop. Alone.

She covered her mouth.

He knew where she worked.

He was watching.

Tuesday Afternoon – 

Y/N walked out of her child development class, hugging her notebook to her chest like a shield.

She hadn’t slept.

She hadn’t texted him.

And yet, her skin itched like he was near.

The hallway buzzed with noise—students chattering, footsteps echoing. She weaved through the crowd, head down, heart pounding. Her part-time job started in an hour, and all she could think about was surviving the day.

Then she felt it.

A hand wrapped tight around her arm.

Not rough, not bruising—yet—but firm.

She turned and froze.

Silas.

In a tailored black coat. Sharp jawline clenched. Brown eyes dark and furious.

He looked completely out of place and yet everyone parted for him like they could feel the danger radiating off him.

“Walk,” he ordered.

Her legs moved before her brain did.

He pulled her into a quiet side hallway near the faculty offices. Empty. Too quiet.

She yanked her arm back, voice trembling. “You can’t be here.”

“Oh, I can be anywhere you are,” he said coldly. “Especially when my girlfriend forgets how to respond to my messages.”

“Stop,” she whispered, glancing around. “Please.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“I never asked for any of this,” she said, choking on the words. “I just needed help—just for school—I didn’t mean to—”

“You didn’t mean to what?” he snapped, stepping closer. “Let me inside you? Cry my name? Fall asleep in my bed like you belonged there?”

Tears welled in her eyes. “Silas, I— I was drunk. It was too fast. I can pay you back—”

His laugh was sharp, bitter. “Pay me back?”

“I don’t need anything else. You can take the card back. Just leave me alone—”

He moved so fast she gasped.

His hands were suddenly on her hips, backing her into the wall. Her notebook hit the floor with a soft thud.

“Leave you alone?” he hissed. “Is that what you want, sweetheart?”

She was crying now. “Please—”

“You used me. Took what you needed. And now what—run back to your little coffee shop and pretend I didn’t break you in that hotel room?”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Liar,” he growled, low in her ear. “You begged for me.”

She flinched.

“I should ruin you right here,” he murmured. “Let them all see who you really belong to.”

Her chest heaved. “I don’t belong to anyone.”

Silas leaned in closer, eyes burning into hers. “You belong to me.”

And before she could speak—he kissed her.

It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t gentle.

It was punishment.

It was possession.

Her lips were wet with tears, her hands pushing weakly at his chest, but he didn’t care.

He devoured her mouth like he had every right to.

When he finally pulled back, she was trembling, cheeks wet, mouth parted in shock.

He fixed her hair with terrifying tenderness.

“You made me chase you,” he said, smoothing a thumb over her cheek. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Then he picked up her notebook from the floor and tucked it into her bag.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said calmly. “Wear something pretty.”

And just like that—he was gone.

Y/N stood frozen against the wall, heart racing, lips bruised.

She wanted to scream.

She wanted to run.

But worst of all…

A tiny part of her wanted to say yes.

That Afternoon –

Y/N wiped at her lips with the back of her hand for the third time, her bag clutched in her lap like a lifeline. Zadie paced the living room in a crop top and fuzzy socks, eyes blazing.

“He kissed me in the hallway,” Y/N said softly.

Zadie stopped cold. “What?”

She nodded slowly. “He found me on campus. He pulled me into a hallway. I tried to say no—I told him I didn’t want anything from him—but he didn’t care. He just…”

“Kissed you?” Zadie snapped. “Or claimed you?”

Y/N flinched. “He said I belonged to him.”

Zadie stared at her for a long moment, then crossed her arms and sighed sharply. “You know what your problem is? You still think this is about love.”

Y/N blinked, shocked. “What?”

“This is a transaction, Y/N. A game. He’s obsessed. So use it. Take the money. Let him pay. Play your role. Then walk when it benefits you. That’s what you should’ve done from the start.”

Y/N’s stomach churned. “It’s not that easy.”

Zadie rolled her eyes. “It is. You just want it to mean something. But men like him? They don’t love, baby. They collect.They own.”

Silence.

Then Zadie reached for her makeup bag and pulled Y/N to the mirror. “He said dinner tonight, right?”

Y/N nodded, hesitant.

“Good. Let’s piss him off.”

Later That Evening –

The driver arrived at exactly 6 p.m. Y/N stepped outside in a satin wine-colored dress Zadie had chosen—low cut, cinched at the waist, hugging curves she usually hid.

Her eyes were lined, lips glossed, cheeks glowing.

She looked like a fantasy.

But not his fantasy.

When the car door opened and Silas saw her—he went still.

She slid inside quietly, smoothing her dress and trying not to shrink.

His jaw was tight. “You wore makeup.”

She bit her lip. “Zadie helped.”

He didn’t respond. Just stared at her for a long, loaded moment before turning to face the window. His silence was sharp, violent in its restraint.

He’d bought out another place. Intimate. Private. Luxurious.

He didn’t speak during the first course.

Didn’t compliment her.

Didn’t even look at her.

The silence gnawed at her bones.

Y/N pushed her food around with a fork, her voice barely audible. “You’re angry.”

He looked up, slow and sharp. “Do I seem angry?”

“You haven’t said a word—”

“You think makeup makes you brave?” he asked coldly. “You think you can pout your lips and bat your lashes and suddenly I’ll forget that you ran from me?”

Her breath caught. “I didn’t run—”

“You disappeared. You ignored me. You pretended that weekend didn’t happen.”

“I was scared, Silas.”

He leaned across the table, eyes dark and low. “Good.”

Her heart pounded.

His voice dropped. “You don’t get to disappear and waltz back in wearing another man’s fantasy.”

She shook her head. “It’s just makeup—”

“It’s a lie,” he snapped.

She shrank back in her seat.

“I want you,” he whispered. “Not some painted doll.”

Tears stung the corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He stood.

“Come.”

She followed him through the grand double doors, legs shaking.

He didn’t speak.

Didn’t even turn the lights on.

He dragged her into the bedroom, then paused at the foot of the bed.

“Take it off.”

Her breath hitched. “W-What?”

“The dress. The makeup. All of it. I want it gone.”

She hesitated, frozen.

He turned slowly, eyes burning.

“Now.”

Her hands fumbled with the zipper. The dress slid to the floor. She wiped her lips. Her eyeliner smudged as her tears slipped down.

When he stepped forward, it wasn’t tender.

It was hungry.

He pressed her into the mattress, her back arching as he growled in her ear, “You don’t get to run from me. You don’t get to pretend you’re not mine.”

His mouth found her throat, her collarbone, her trembling breasts.

His fingers bruised her hips as he yanked her closer.

She gasped. “Silas, please—”

But he was already pushing inside her—raw—claiming her again.

“I should fuck you until you forget how to speak,” he snarled. “Until all you remember is me.”

She sobbed.

And still, she clung to him.

Because even now—broken and breathless—part of her wanted him to punish her.

And when he came inside her again, gripping her like she’d disappear—she knew:

This wasn’t over.

This was only the beginning.

She didn’t expect him to show up.

Not at the coffee shop, not while she was wiping down tables in her faded work polo, cheeks flushed with exhaustion after a long shift. But there he was—leaning against the wall like he owned the place, dressed in dark designer clothes, black eyes burning through her.

Y/N froze. Her rag slipped from her hand and hit the floor.

“Silas—”

He didn’t say a word. Not yet.

He just held up a small velvet box.

The kind that made her stomach twist.

Her manager gave her a nervous glance, but said nothing—Silas had that effect. Even strangers sensed it. He waved them off with a nod and stepped closer to her, crowding her in the back hallway. The door shut behind him with a soft click.

“Open it,” he said, voice low.

With trembling fingers, Y/N flipped the lid.

A necklace. Platinum. The smallest, most delicate diamond she’d ever seen.

“I don’t want—”

“You’ll wear it,” he interrupted. “Every day. Starting now.”

She blinked, the shame from the last time they’d seen each other creeping up her spine. “I told you—I didn’t need anything else. You already paid for my tuition. I—I'll pay you back, I swear—”

He laughed. Cold. Cruel.

“Pay me back?” He stepped closer until her back hit the wall. “With what, little one? Your part-time coffee shop wages? Or were you going to hand me your virginity again, see if I’d charge you for the orgasm?”

She flinched, eyes burning. “Don’t be cruel.”

“I’m not.” His voice softened, dangerously so. “I’m being honest. You don’t belong here, Y/N. You belong with me.”

Her lip quivered. “I just needed help. That’s all I ever asked.”

“And you got it,” he snapped. “Now you belong to me. That was the deal, even if you were too innocent to say it out loud.”

Tears slipped free, and that only made his smile widen.

He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a sleek black card.

Her name was printed in gold.

“This is yours,” he said. “For clothes. Books. Makeup, if you insist on pretending to be someone you’re not.”

“I’m not taking—”

“You already have.” His hand gripped her jaw, not hard, but firm enough to make her fall silent. “And you will again. Because I said so.”

She hated how warm his touch felt. Hated the way his scent made her knees weak. Hated how, beneath all the shame, there was still a flicker of something that burned for him.

He leaned down, his breath brushing her lips.

“Quit the job,” he whispered. “After your classes, you come straight to me. Understood?”

She couldn’t speak.

He kissed her anyway.

Hard. Deep. Possessive.

When he pulled back, she was breathless, trembling.

“Good girl,” he murmured, brushing a tear from her cheek. “Now go tell your boss you’re done. And when you’re ready to be spoiled properly, come home.”

He walked away without another word.

And Y/N—necklace still trembling in her hand—realized she had already crossed a line she could never come back from.

Y/N slammed the front door behind her and kicked off her shoes, the necklace still dangling from her fingers like it might burn her. Her bag hit the floor next. She wanted to scream. Cry. Shake it all off.

Instead, she stood there frozen.

“Whoa.” Zadie poked her head out of her room, a green face mask halfway dry. “You look like someone just proposed or slapped you with a legal contract.”

Y/N held up the necklace.

Zadie blinked. Then broke into a grin.

“Holy shit,” she whispered. “That’s—real?”

Y/N nodded numbly.

Zadie didn’t hesitate. She grabbed the velvet box, inspected it like a treasure chest, and gave a low whistle. “Damn. I’m so jealous you’re this close to marrying that rich bastard.”

Y/N winced. “Zadie—”

“No, like for real,” she said, plopping onto the couch and tossing her hair up. “You’re living the dream. All that wine, the expensive dinners, the hotel, and now this?” She lifted the necklace like it was sacred. “You know what this means, right? He’s already got wedding bells in his head.”

Y/N sat down slowly, her stomach churning. “He told me to quit my job.”

“And?” Zadie blinked. “That’s great. Why would you still be working anyway?”

“Because I like it.” Y/N’s voice cracked. “Because I like school. I wanted to teach—work with kids—”

“Oh, sweetie.” Zadie shook her head, smiling. “You won’t need to anymore. What’s the point of breaking your back for a paycheck when you’ve got Silas feeding you caviar and buying you designer shoes?”

“But what if he—” Y/N swallowed. “What if he makes me stop going to school too?”

Zadie froze. Just a second. Then she shrugged.

“I mean… he did pay off your whole tuition, right?”

Y/N nodded. Slowly.

“Girl, he’s not even blinking at money like that. If I were you, I’d be begging for a ring and a private island by now. Stop your whining. Does he have a hot brother or son I can marry?”

Y/N tried to laugh. It came out choked.

Because the truth hit her like a weight.

She had nothing to bargain with. No leverage. Silas could take anything away from her—and she’d already accepted so much.

Her dreams. Her future. He might erase them all.

And to him?

It wouldn’t even count as a loss.

Y/N sat curled up on the leather couch, her hands in her lap, trembling slightly. She hadn’t touched the wine. The lights were dim. Silas stood in front of the towering windows, city lights painting him in gold and black. One hand in his pocket, the other holding a glass of scotch.

He was still in his suit—tie loosened, sleeves rolled up, hair slicked back.

“I visited your little coffee job today,” he said, voice low. “You weren’t there.”

“I quit.” Y/N’s voice was small.

He turned, raising a brow.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you again,” she added quickly. “I… didn’t want you to be mad.”

Something flickered in his eyes—satisfaction. Then he approached her slowly, crouched in front of her, fingers sliding under her chin.

“Good girl,” he murmured. “You listened.”

“I’m still going to class, though—”

Silas’s smile faded.

He reached up and brushed her hair behind her ear, his touch gentle but firm. “You know… the more I think about it, the more I realize—school’s not really necessary for you anymore.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped.

“I paid for your degree because I wanted to help. But now?” He tilted his head. “I see how tired it makes you. How it pulls you away from me. And if I’m being honest, sweetheart…” He leaned in, lips brushing her cheek. “You’ve already found your purpose.”

Her breath caught. “W-What do you mean?”

He looked down at her stomach. Smiled.

“You’re going to have a child of your own one day. A real one. Not someone else’s. Not a classroom full of brats.” He leaned closer, voice deep. “Ours.”

She froze.

“I know you think you’re too young, too inexperienced, but that’s why you have me.” His hand slid to her thigh. “I’ll guide you. Protect you. Love you. And one day, you’ll be the perfect mother. You already have the heart for it… don’t you want a baby, dove?”

Her lip trembled. “I—I don’t know…”

“You will.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Silas Rowe wasn’t just wealthy—he was powerful. Ruthless. He ran a series of international firms, many tied to global real estate, high-end tech, and private security. But that was only the surface.

He also controlled backchannels.

He owned judges. Senators. Universities.

When he said jump, people jumped.

He didn’t do public interviews. He wasn’t flashy. His empire grew quietly, built on smart investments, intimidation, and favors no one dared question.

His assistant once said, “Mr. Rowe doesn’t make threats. He makes decisions. The kind no one can undo.”

And lately, his obsession with Y/N bled into everything. His phone background. The security footage he checked hourly. The university professor he bribed to keep her GPA spotless.

She didn’t even know half of what he did to keep her safe, to keep her his.

But she would.

Silas’s POV It had started with a drink and a woman he didn’t care about.

Zadie was bold, pretty in a wild sort of way—tight skirts, loose morals. The kind of girl who liked powerful men and whispered filthy things in their ears just to see what she could get. He had no intention of keeping her around. But she served her purpose.

It was their third drink when she mentioned her roommate.

“She’s such a prude,” Zadie laughed, swirling her cocktail. “Barely goes out. Straight-A student, works at the campus café like some humble little princess. You’d like her, actually. Real sweet. Pretty, too.”

He’d only half-listened—until she pulled out her phone. “Here,” she said, grinning. “Look. This is Y/N.”

And that was it.

That moment. That photo. That smile.

A soft, bashful expression. Hair pulled back in a ribbon. Her hand tucked nervously under her chin. Innocence radiated from the screen like heat, and it snapped something loose inside him.

She was perfect.

Untouched. Unaware. A lamb wandering near wolves.

Zadie didn’t notice the shift in his body—the way his grip on the glass tightened, the way his breathing slowed. “She doesn’t date. Said she’s saving herself. For marriage or some crap,” Zadie added with a roll of her eyes. “You’d eat her alive.”

He leaned back, eyes never leaving the photo. “What would you do to help me get close to her?” Zadie blinked. “What?”

“I’ll pay you,” he said smoothly. “If it works, you get ten grand.”

She laughed, thinking it was a joke. He didn’t smile.

And that’s when Zadie realized she wasn’t in control.

The Plan Was Simple. Effective.

Zadie started inviting Y/N to parties she knew Silas would be at. She “accidentally” left the sugar dating site open on her laptop, encouraging Y/N to sign up.

She even took the damn photos for her.

In the meantime, Silas crafted his profile like a spider spinning silk. He didn’t want her to know who he really was—not yet. So he softened his edges, played the part of the caring, curious older man. Someone safe. Someone she could trust.

And when she matched with him?

He made sure she felt seen. Heard. Adored.

Every word calculated.

Every meeting orchestrated.

And when she finally gave herself to him… That first orgasm? That first cry of his name in a hotel suite?

Zadie got her money.

But Silas got everything.

Now

He watches Y/N sleep some nights, curled in his bed, unaware of how deep she’s fallen. Her hair spread over his pillow, her body marked by him. She still doesn't know what Zadie did. How it was all a lie from the beginning.

But she will.

One day, when she's too far gone to leave, he’ll whisper it in her ear. Tell her how even her innocence was staged. How everyone she trusted led her right into his arms.

And she’ll cry. Of course she will.

But by then…

She’ll love him too much to run.

Y/N sat curled in her desk chair, laptop open, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Something wasn’t adding up.

Her schedule had been fine last week—lectures, practicum, her early childhood development lab. But this morning when she’d logged in…

Her campus classes were all replaced. Online modules. Pre-recorded lectures. Zoom links with flexible attendance.

She blinked at the screen, refreshing. Once. Twice. Same thing.

Even her advisor’s email was strange: Hi Y/N, I understand you’ve made a request to switch to remote learning for personal reasons. Best of luck this semester! Let me know if you need anything.

She hadn’t made any request.

Something cold spread through her chest.

The door to her apartment opened.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Silas called from the entryway like he owned the air around him. “Got your favorite.”

He walked in with a soft bag of pastries and two coffees, looking sharp and relaxed, dressed in tailored slacks and a navy shirt rolled to the elbows. Like a man who hadn’t just destroyed her autonomy.

Y/N didn’t speak right away. She stared at her laptop. “Silas.”

“Hm?” He was already behind her, brushing her hair off her shoulder to kiss the side of her neck.

“Did you… change my school schedule?”

He paused. Just for a second. Then smiled. “Yes.”

Her heart dropped.

She turned, slowly. “Why?”

Silas crouched beside her chair, looking up at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. “Because you were overworked. Exhausted. Always running around. It’s not good for you—or the baby.”

“I’m not pregnant.”

“Not yet,” he said softly, cupping her cheek.

She flinched.

“I never asked to be switched—”

“You didn’t have to.” His voice darkened slightly. “I take care of what’s mine. You don’t need to ask. I already know what’s best for you.”

“Silas… this is my education. My future.”

He tilted his head, his expression suddenly unreadable.

“I am your future.”

And just like that, the air thickened. She tried to back away from him, but he gripped the arm of the chair. Firm. Steady.

“You’ll still graduate, Y/N. I’m not cruel,” he said gently. “I’m just… adjusting your path. Making sure you’re available for more important things. Like me.”

His hand trailed down to her stomach, fingers splaying across her belly.

Like he already believed something was growing there. Like he already claimed it.

“I don’t want this,” she whispered.

He stood slowly. Towering. Calm. Cold.

“Yes, you do. You just don’t realize it yet.”

And then, as if to punctuate his godlike grip on her world, he reached into his coat pocket and set a velvet box on the desk.

Inside: a delicate rose gold bracelet with a single charm.

The engraved letter: S

“For Silas,” he said with a small smirk. “Or submission. Whichever you prefer.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

He leaned close, his voice a breath at her ear: “Online classes, sweet girl. No reason to ever leave again

Zadie was lounging on her bed, filing her nails, humming under her breath when Y/N walked in—pale-faced, the weight of her shame still heavy on her shoulders. She barely made it through the door before the words tumbled out.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

Zadie blinked, then gave her a slow, mocking smile. “Oh no, don’t tell me you’re catching feelings for him.”

“I just… I wanted help with school, that’s it. Not—this. I didn’t think he’d—”

“Control you?” Zadie offered with a laugh. “Babe, that’s the whole point. You don’t get a man like Silas without giving up something in return.”

Y/N flinched. “He’s changing me.”

“You should be thanking me,” Zadie purred, standing now, sauntering toward her. “You think you’d even know a man like that if I didn’t play Cupid? You’d still be flipping lattes and crying over student loans.”

Y/N’s voice cracked. “You… played Cupid?”

Zadie’s smirk deepened. “You were always the sweet one. The quiet one. The good girl. He liked that. I showed him your picture once—just once. Next thing I know, he’s offering me ten grand to set up your little meet-cute.”

Y/N’s knees nearly buckled.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Zadie leaned in, whispering like it was gossip. “He said if it worked out, he’d make me his assistant or some shit. Guess you were worth the price.”

The second Zadie called him, Silas was already in motion.

He hung up the phone and signaled the staff. “Get her things. Everything. Clothes, books, personal items. Burn anything that looks sentimental. I want her completely moved out by tonight.”

The servants didn’t ask questions. They didn’t have to. They’d done this before—for other girls.

He booked her final semester classes online, forged signatures, and made a few calls to have her in an accelerated remote program. A perfect little housewife schedule: early mornings for school, afternoons for him, nights in his bed.

When the dorm was cleared out, he sent a photo of the empty room to Y/N’s phone.

No caption. Just proof.

Y/N stood frozen in the middle of her now-empty dorm, heart racing. Her mattress was stripped bare. Her desk was cleared. Even the tiny frame with her siblings’ photo was gone.

She backed out of the room like it was haunted.

Her phone buzzed.

Silas:

You're coming home. Don’t be difficult.

Tears welled up, blurring the screen. She didn’t respond.

Ten minutes later, a black car pulled up in front of the dorm.

The driver didn’t say a word. Just opened the door.

When she stepped into Silas’s penthouse, he was waiting. Standing at the balcony, wine in hand, like he hadn’t just uprooted her entire world.

“You moved my life without even asking me,” she said softly.

He turned slowly, smile calculated. “You didn’t seem to know what to do with it.”

“I had a life, Silas.”

“No,” he corrected, walking toward her. “You had chaos. Now you have me.”

She flinched as he reached for her, but he was too fast, too calm. His fingers slid around her waist.

“You’re angry now,” he murmured, voice silken. “But when you have my child in you, you’ll understand. You were made for this. For me.”

“I’m not some doll,” she snapped.

His grip tightened. “A doll doesn’t talk back.”

Her mouth opened—then closed. Because she saw it in his eyes.

He would break her if she kept fighting.

So she said nothing.

Let him hold her. Let him kiss her. Let him whisper promises against her neck.

And as he guided her toward the bedroom, murmuring how beautiful she’d look with his ring, how much she’d love being pregnant with his heir—

She wondered what it would take to disappear completely

The Bedroom – That Night

He carried her from the wall like she weighed nothing, her body limp in his arms.

Y/N didn’t fight. She didn’t speak. She just let her head fall against his chest, eyes wide and unblinking as he laid her down on the bed.

Silas hovered above her, brushing her hair back like she was some delicate, fragile thing he had to worship. But his eyes—his eyes held hunger. Possession. Madness.

“You’re mine,” he whispered, kissing her cheek where a tear still clung. “All of this—” his hand slid down to her thigh, pushing it open, “—belongs to me.”

She turned her face away.

It didn’t matter.

He peeled the nightgown off her slowly, like he was unwrapping a gift. She covered her breasts with her arms, but he only chuckled and pried them away.

“Don’t hide from me,” he murmured. “I want to see all of you. I deserve to.”

Tears streamed silently down her cheeks.

“Please don’t,” she whispered.

He shushed her. “This is love, baby. You just don’t understand it yet.”

Then he entered her.

No warning. No gentleness.

She gasped, her legs trembling as he filled her, her back arching from the sudden pain. He groaned, lowering his mouth to her breasts, kissing and licking, leaving wet trails and soft bites as he moved inside her with slow, dragging thrusts.

Her hands clutched the sheets.

Her tears soaked the pillow.

He moaned into her skin. “You feel that? How perfect you are for me?”

She didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Her voice had vanished, swallowed by the ache, the shame, the confusion.

“I’m going to fill you,” he whispered, rocking harder, more desperate now. “And you’re going to take it. You were made to.”

Y/N sobbed quietly, her body shaking beneath his weight as he rutted into her like a man possessed.

When he came, it was with a low groan of satisfaction, his hot release spilling deep inside her. He stayed there, pressed against her, breathing hard, eyes closed like he’d just experienced something holy.

And then, after a long moment, he kissed her damp cheek.

“All you have to do,” he murmured, “is let me take control.”

He smiled down at her, brushing a tear from her chin.

“I know what’s best.”

The Morning After

The light in the bathroom was too bright. Harsh. Unforgiving.

Y/N stood in front of the mirror, arms wrapped around herself, wearing nothing but one of Silas’s oversized dress shirts. Her thighs ached. Between her legs, the soreness lingered, a raw reminder of the night before—of what he took.

Her face was expressionless. Pale. Hollow-eyed. Dried tear tracks clung to her cheeks.

She didn’t cry anymore.

She just stared.

At the bruises on her hips. The red marks on her breasts from where he sucked too hard. The faint impression of his fingers on her jaw.

She pressed a hand to her stomach, swallowing down the rising wave of nausea.

Was it just nerves?

Or was it something else?

Behind her, the door creaked. She didn’t turn around.

Silas appeared in the mirror, shirtless, casual, as if nothing had happened. He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and kissed her neck with sickening tenderness.

“You’re quiet this morning,” he said, his voice low and warm, like nothing was wrong.

She nodded slowly. “I’m just tired.”

“I know,” he whispered, resting his chin on her shoulder. “You’ve been carrying so much. But you don’t have to anymore. That’s what I’m here for.”

She flinched when his hand caressed her lower belly.

“You felt it last night, didn’t you?” he murmured, his lips brushing her ear. “That shift. Something changed between us. I know you did.”

She stayed still.

“I think you’re pregnant,” he said softly, almost reverently.

Her throat tightened.

He kissed her temple. “And if you’re not… we’ll fix that.”

Her eyes met his in the mirror. He was smiling.

She wasn’t.

[intraterrestriall]

I think most people who have some exposition to psychology are familiar with the Critical Period Hypothesis. But just in case anyone isn’t, I’ll explain it real quick and how it connects to Cass Cain and BG2000.

Long explaination below:

The Critical Period Hypothesis (CPH) asserts that language acquisition occurs exclusively in childhood. After childhood, the brain looses the plasticity that would allow it to adapt and organize stimuli, rendering language acquisition difficult (or impossible).

The CPH states that if adequate stimulus is not provided within the first few years of life, the individual will never achieve a full command of language.

Though the CPH cannot be technically proven because of how crazy unethical it would be, proof of the CPH is seen in case studies of “wild” and deaf children who were deprived of language in early life. I’m going to refrain from mentioning any specific cases, because as you can imagine any child deprived from language for the entirety of their early childhood suffered tremendous abuse.

Here is of course, unfortunately, where we bring this back to Cass. Cass spent the first nine years of her life isolated and deprived of language (often in bg2000, Cass and others will refer to her ability to read and analyze body language as “language” but it is inherently not language in the sense we’re referring to here).

Whether Cass, at age nine, would be able to learn language following her deprivation from it is unclear. In real life cases, children who were deprived of language until the age of six years old were often able to learn language later in life, but children deprived until the age of 12-13 were often unable to learn language. Batgirl 2000’s explanation regarding Cass’s neurology suggested that the neural pathways responsible for processing spoken language were underdeveloped to allow greater development of neural pathways specialized for processing and interpreting body language. Under this assumption, we can assume that similarly to other “wild” children, Cass’s struggle and inability to learn language stems from her missing the Critical Period of language acquisition.

This explains why despite relatively frequent interactions with people, Cass never learns any language from the ages of nine to sixteen (fleeing cain to no man’s land). This also clarifies the interaction that Cass has with that Psychic in BG2000 #4. The Psychic explains this to Cass in simple terms, but he doesn’t magically transfer the knowledge of english to Cass’s brain, but instead gives Cass’s brain the ability to acquire language. Which is why Cass struggles to learn english for the rest of the run, because even after the Psychic’s intervention, she is still a seventeen year old girl who was never taught language. And even though now she has the ability to learn, she still needs to fight to learn how to speak every word.

We can also assume that the psychic changed Cass’s enlarged and shrunken neural pathways, hence why her ability to read body language suddenly declined. But that reverted following Cass’s discussion with Shiva (did we ever get an explaination for that? i don’t remember). Either way, Cass is disabled as an outcome of the abuse David Cain inflicted on her and even as her speech improved throughout comics, Cass will always be disabled.

[snezka-049]

Snezka and SCP-049 beginning (lore)

1. Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski lore (Snezka)

(Events before the containment breach).

In the corridors of the SCP Foundation, where secrets and anomalies are hidden from the public eye, Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski worked. Her life was full of mystery, and this is what drew her to the world of anomalies.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Name: Snezhana Lewandowski

Age: ██

Date of Birth: 27/08/ ████

Clearance Level: Third

Personnel Category: B

Specialty: IT Specialist. Psychologist.

Place of work: Zone 19

Foundation experience: 5 years

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Education

First: IT-Specialist.

Snezhana enrolled in the Faculty of Information Technology at a state university. During her studies, she specialized in cybersecurity and data analytics.

After graduating with a Bachelor's degree, then a Master's degree, she continued her education in graduate school, where she focused on research in the areas of:

1. Information Security.

2. Big data analytics.

She defended her doctoral dissertation on "Anomaly detection methods for system and big data", which attracted the attention of the SCP Foundation.

Second: Psychologist.

After achieving the success she needed in technical education, she decided to fulfill her life's main dream of working in the field of psychology. Due to some unpleasant events in her childhood, she did not have the opportunity to study in this field, so she had to temporarily change her orientation in life.

From an early age, Snezhana has shown an interest in psychology and human behavior. The motivation for this comes from a tough youth and personal traumatic experiences. Her goal was to help those who couldn't make it on their own, as she once couldn't. After enough time had passed, she managed to apply to the academy to study psychology. Upon graduating from the academy, Snezhana specialized in the areas of:

1. Clinical psychology.

2. Experimental psychology.

3. Counseling psychology.

After she got a job in a psychoneurological dispensary, gaining valuable experience and practice, a broader understanding of the inner world of people.

Invitation to the Foundation

Finding contacts and personal information about Snezhana was not difficult for the Foundation. Having noticed her abilities, the Foundation ordered to send a recruiter - ████ ██████ - into her social circle to get more information about the candidate. As a result, the recruiter ████ and Snezhana became close friends.

After some time of observation and communication of the recruiter with her, having received all the necessary information, the Board of the Foundation came to the decision to give her the invitation to work.

Realizing the risks and danger, Snezhana accepted the invitation, having resigned from her previous job after working for about 2 years.

After testing, interviewing and training, she became an employee of the Foundation with a level 2 security clearance.

Career at the Foundation

Snezhana started her career as a junior specialist in cybersecurity, a little later gaining a junior position in psychology.

Her specialization is a unique combination of programming and psychology, allowing her to look at anomalies from two perspectives: both as complex systems that require analysis, and as entities with their own consciousness and motivation.

Incident

While analyzing data, Dr. Lewandowski came across strange signals on the network. These were not just hacking attempts - they were coming from an entity known as SCP-███ She and others in the programming field developed a comprehensive defense strategy. In the process, they faced many challenges: the SCP-███ system was constantly adapting, and they had to find new solutions. Under conditions of stress and strain, Dr. Lewandowski managed to implement their real-time protection algorithm.

After that, for some reason, she was assigned more work in the field of psychology. Also, her success in the incident gave her a promotion to level 3 clearance.

In psychology

Dr. Lewandowski researches and analyzes object psychology. She develops methods of interacting with abnormal entities and helps in understanding their behavior.

Real security is achieved not only through physical barriers, but also through the emotional stability of employees. She took time to help her colleagues through seminars and psychology trainings for the staff of the Facility, trying to create an atmosphere of trust and mutual support among the employees.

For about 2 years, Dr. Lewandowski worked only with Safe Class facilities, and after being promoted to Senior Specialist in Psychology, she was ordered to work with Euclid Class facilities.

This promotion led her to meet one subject that changed her life, and in the future, his too... SCP-049 - Plague Doctor.

2. Lewandowski and SCP-049

(Events on the eve of the containment breach).

Experiment

The first days of Dr. Lewandowski and the SCP-049 subject were formal, protocol-driven. Lewandowski conducted standard interview sessions in an attempt to understand the motives and nature of his subject. The subject was cool and detached.

She knew SCP-049 was dangerous, but she saw him not only as an anomaly, but as a complex, multifaceted individual. His words were full of sadness and loneliness, imbued with longing and melancholy. She understood his logic, his pain, his desire to “help,” even if the methods were questionable, but perhaps all is not what it seems at first glance.

And yet she too had thought similar things to what SCP-049 had said, that the world was sick, humanity needed to be saved. Ever since she was a child, she had had thoughts like his in her mind.

She had a theory that there were no bad people in the world, but wounded people who had not been healed. She believed that a person becomes wounded, after being treated unfairly or cruelly, by similarly wounded people. If a person does not work on their wound, it will not heal, because there are many wounded people in the world that will scratch that wound, making it bigger. And this pain and resentment, like a virus or rot, infects his soul completely, making the person the same as the one who once inflicted the wound. Later that person carries this pain and resentment further, taking it out on others, making more infected. It is an endless cycle that cannot be eradicated completely, but can be minimized. Some can handle it, and some need help. You have to want help, you have to understand the situation and try to solve it too, because no one can help you better than you can help yourself, and that's what Snezka had to go through.

She thought these thoughts were strange, but after so many years, there was a creature that literally reflected her thoughts, with whom you can share this theory, and perhaps get understanding.

She saw herself in him, only a better version of herself, but with the same mental problems.

— How can that be!? He's just an abnormal object, why can't I stop thinking about him!? I can't stop thinking about him, his words. Maybe it's my soft nature, too compassionate, empathic, or maybe it's his anomalous action?

Dr. Lewandowski felt a kindred spirit in him and wanted to have more sessions with him, and most importantly, she wanted to get away from formal conversation, and share her thoughts with him about their common problem.

She decided to send a request to the management above about the idea of having experimental conversations with SCP-049, so that he would see Dr. Lewandowski as genuinely understanding, get comfortable with her, and tell her more about his treatment, himself, and the fever. Approval was granted, but it was a long wait. Finally she could be sincere with him.

Trust

New conversations with SCP-049, but not as formal as before, it took several such conversations before SCP-049 settled down with Dr. Lewandowski.

He told her more about the fever, about the treatment, they began to have deep dialogues about life and death, about philosophy, about society, SCP-049 even began to tell stories from his own life. Lewandowski also told him about her life, but she liked to listen to him more.

She found comfort in his monologues about the world, about death, about eternity, his stories about medicine. Her mind resisted, but her heart could no longer deny it: she felt something more than professional interest in him. It was a dangerous game, bordering on insanity. She knew it, but she couldn't stop. Lewandowski realized that her feelings were illogical, unacceptable, but they were there. Her greatest fear was that the Foundation would suspect something and restrict her access to him, which unfortunately happened...

Another conversation between SCP-049 and Lewandowski, the subject had already started addressing her by her favorite version of her name, Snezka, while she addressed him as Doctor. Suddenly the object fell silent.

— Doctor? Is everything all right?

— ...Yes. Snezka, let me demonstrate something to you, you should know....

The subject held out his hand, as far as it was possible being handcuffed for safety's sake, and nodded, offering to touch her. Sensing that this venture might not end well, Lewandowski extended her palm, and SCP-049 touched it.

— Wait, what...? Oh... My thoughts about your abilities were valid. - Was the last thing Snezka said before the cell door opened and she was summoned to leave.

Reprimand

— Dr. Lewandowski, your experimental conversations with the subject have come to an end. We have all the information we need, you will no longer have to work with SCP-049. Let's be honest, it seems you've begun to abuse your access to the facility, and the Foundation board has some questions about that.

— ...It was part of an experiment, you see.... It gave you a lot of new information, before such experiments such informative results were not observed. - said Lewandowski in her defense.

— Lucky for you that it didn't end in your death! Objects like 049 are dangerous, you can't trust them or reach out to them. Or have you forgotten what he did to Dr. Hamm? And everything was fine at first, too. This object is unpredictable! You're lucky you're a valued member of our staff, and this is the first time you've had an incident like this, otherwise we'd be forced to take action.

Separation

More work with other facilities has now fallen on her. One day, she dared to inquire about SCP-049. But she didn't get a clear answer.

Meanwhile, SCP-049 was asking the same question to the staff - when would Dr. Lewandowski visit?

— We're sorry, but Dr. Lewandowski has declined to work with you, SCP-049.

— ...That can't be true, you're lying! She couldn't have done it, I can feel it!

Subject SCP-049 became hostile to the Foundation, uncooperative and drove all attempts at contact away.

All or Nothing

— "Is the dream and freedom worth risking the lives and safety of others?" — Pondered by Dr. Lewandowski . — "Risking everything, insanity, selfishness(?). But if it's for a great purpose, for the good of all mankind..."

INCIDENT ██-████

(Latest walkie-talkie recordings)

(Static noise and warning signal sound)

Operator One: (Confused) This is operator one. Security protocol has failed! Repeat, security protocol has failed! All subjects... all subjects are at large!

Agent █: Reporting a security breach in Sector 3. Doors unresponsive, cameras disabled. Looks like SCP-███ is out of control.

Commander ███████: be careful! Confirm the presence of the intruder and take action to apprehend him.

(Noise, sound of gunshots)

Agent ██: (panic) This is crazy! Reporting SCP-███ is not alone. There are several other objects present. Very aggressive, we need help, repeat ████████████████ (interference).

Commander ████████: Come in, Agent ██, come in!!! (communication lost).

Commander ████████: Fuck...

Dr. █████: It could be SCP-███! He could have hacked into the security system and released the other facilities.

Commander ████: █████, are you sure? How?!

Dr. █████: I can't say for sure, but... (struggle noise) HOW ARE YOU!? STOP, DOCTOR... (interference).

Commander ████: All personnel to the assault! Stop the targets at all costs! What the hell's going on! Where's all the security personnel!?

(explosions, shouting)

Agent █████: They're all over the place

Agent ██: Where's the ██ squad?

Agent █████: they're holding back SCP-682

Agent ██: he's the last fucking thing we need!

SB-2: SB-1, this is SB-2! We've got-- we've got SCP-███breaking through! We can't stop him!

SB-1: Hold him off at all costs! Support is on the way.

(Siren and explosions)

Operator Three: SB-1, this is Operator Three! The ██ camera signal is gone! SCP-█████... he's out!

SB-1: All SB personnel to camera ██! Isolate SCP-█████! Repeat, isolate SCP-█████! (radio interference)

End of Calm

There has been a massive failure of the entire Foundation security system in Area 19, as well as a power failure. Security protocol, alarms, and warnings went off with a delay with most of the dangerous objects wreaking havoc in the Foundation. The alleged culprit of the SCP-“”" incident. Likely had accomplices, an investigation is underway.

During the incident, a large number of soldiers and staff died. There was a leak of several objects to freedom. The lists of dead and missing were equal. Dr. Snezana Lewandowski and SCP-049 were also listed as missing, among dozens of personnel and facilities.

The SCP Foundation, having suffered loss and damage, is doing its best to restore order after the chaos, but the world is no longer safe as before.

3. Conversations between Lewandowski and SCP-049

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Area 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Good afternoon, SCP-049. I am your psychologist, Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski. It's a pleasure to meet you!

SCP-049: Greetings, doctor, I hope we can work together.

Dr. Lewandowski: I think so! So, how are you feeling today?

SCP-049: (pause) I feel... A burden. A burden that is hard to describe in words. Every day I see suffering, and it depresses me.

Dr. Lewandowski: Are you talking about human suffering? About those whom you refer to as sick people?

SCP-049: Yes. The weathering is not just a physical condition. This world, this wretched piece of the universe, is forever doomed to suffer. (Irritated) Mortals, powerless over their own weaknesses, forever seek salvation in false doctrines and vain hopes. They build cities out of flimsy material, create weapons that can destroy themselves, and cling to life without realizing its true nature. I see their pain, their despair, feel their fear of the inevitable. And I know I can help them. But they don't understand. They fear me! They reject my mercy! They call me a monster, a monstrosity! I see them trying to stop me, lock me up, impose their rules. But can you limit what is beyond their comprehension? Can one defeat that which is eternal? Their attempts are futile. I will always exist. Let them resist, let them fear. It only confirms their blindness.

(A moment's silence)

Dr. Lewandowski: (Sigh)...Have you ever thought about why this “fever” bothers you so much? What exactly causes you to feel so strongly about it?

SCP-049: (sighs) I have witnessed a lot of suffering. I have seen people lose hope, I have seen them fall victim to their weakness. This makes me want to help, but sometimes I feel that my efforts are futile.

Dr. Lewandowski: Do you feel that your help is really effective? Or is there any doubt about your methods?

SCP-049: (with some irritation) My methods are the only way to free people from their suffering! I cannot afford to doubt my vocation. But sometimes... It catches up with me.

Dr. Lewandowski: It is normal to have doubts. Many people face similar feelings. What do you do to deal with these emotions?

SCP-049: I continue my work. I focus on my goals.

Dr. Lewandowski: Maybe you should take time to reflect on yourself and your feelings. It may help you better understand your motivation and calm your mind.

SCP-049: I don't think so, but... You may be right. I worry that if I stop, the darkness around me will consume everything.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Pause)...How I understand that. Sometimes you have to take a step back to see the big picture. It doesn't mean you stop fighting the disease. It can only make you stronger.

SCP-049: Perhaps...

Dr. Lewandowski: This is an important step. And remember, you are not alone in your experience. I'm here to help you make sense of it.

SCP-049: Thank you... I'll try to remember that.

[END RECORDING]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Area 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Good evening Doctor, how are you feeling?

SCP-049: It would be better if I were allowed to return to my work.

Dr. Lewandowski: Don't worry Doctor, you will definitely be given that opportunity...

SCP-049: Really? Really!? I'm finally going back to work, I'm glad to hear that! When do I get a patient?

Dr. Lewandowski: ...Unfortunately, I don't have that information.

SCP-049: Maybe you could influence this situation? Explain my urgent need to progress with my treatment!

Dr. Lewandowski: I don't think I can... Doctor, you need to rest, you've been working hard. As a doctor, you should know that rest is very important for high productivity.

SCP-049: (Sighs) I wish I had something to do in these four walls...

Dr. Lewandowski: I have a suggestion. Do you like to read? I can bring you some books if the Foundation leadership says so.

SCP-049: That's a very marvelous idea.

Dr. Lewandowski: What kind of literature do you prefer?

SCP-049: I was interested in modern books about medicine, it is interesting to study what is being written about it now. It would be interesting to read something from philosophy.

Dr. Lewandowski: Excellent choice Doctor, we have the same taste in literature. Would you mind if I brought a couple more books on my recommendation for you?

SCP-049: Sounds good, I agree.

Dr. Lewandowski: See you, Doctor.

SCP-049: See you, thank you for such an interesting proposal, Dr. Lewandowski.

[END OF RECORDING]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Area 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Good evening, Doctor.

SCP-049: Good evening, Dr. Lewandowski.

Dr. Lewandowski: I want to understand how you feel when you look at the world through the prism of your...your uniqueness.

SCP-049: (hesitantly) Uniqueness?

Dr. Lewandowski: I'm talking about wisdom. You have lived for centuries, watching the birth and decline of civilizations. What have you learned in that time?

(Minute's silence)

SCP-049: I've seen nations rise and fall, empires born of dust and turned to stone, ideas ignite people's hearts and turn to ash. (Pause). I realized that existence is a perpetual cycle of birth and death, a constant struggle for survival. People are so hungry for meaning, but it eludes them.

Dr. Lewandowski: Isn't this struggle, this longing for meaning, the very essence of being?

SCP-049: (With sadness in his voice) Meaning... (Pause) It wanders like a ghost through the labyrinths of our consciousness. We search for it in religion, in science, in art, but it eludes us, leaving only emptiness.

Dr. Lewandowski: But don't you see, Doctor? You create your own meaning by helping people to get rid of the disease. You believe in what you're doing, Doctor. You believe it's necessary.

SCP-049: Faith... (Pause) This is another one of those ghosts that haunt us. I see things that others do not see, and it pains me. It pains me to see the suffering that is inevitable for all living things.

Dr. Lewandowski: And you're trying to help, Doctor...

SCP-049: (Interrupting) We are but pawns in the hands of fate. Our actions are insignificant in comparison to eternity.

Dr. Lewandowski: Don't say that, Doctor. You are not a pawn. You are the creator of your own destiny. And I believe you will find your path, your meaning.

SCP-049: (Heavy sigh) But not in this place, not here, not now.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Pause) You know Doctor... I'd like to share with you a thought that has been on my mind since I was a child.

SCP-049: What is it that's bothering you?

[recording interrupted for 5 minutes]

Dr. Lewandowski: I almost forgot, the Foundation gave me permission to bring you some books.

(Took several books out of her bag and placed a stack on the table next to the subject)

SCP-049: (With joy in her voice) Glad to hear that! Immensely grateful to the Foundation and of course to you, Dr. Lewandowski.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Smiling) I'm glad it lifted your spirits. See you later, we'll be sure to discuss what we read next time.

SCP-049: I look forward to seeing you.

[END RECORDING]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Zone 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Hello, Doctor! How are you today?

SCP-049: Good afternoon, Dr. Lewandowski. I'm feeling... quite well. I've been studying some of the books you brought me at the last meeting.

Dr. Lewandowski: Excellent! Which books did you enjoy the most?

SCP-049: I was impressed with the works on human nature. Their authors convey emotions and experiences in a very subtle way.

Dr. Lewandowski: Yes, literature can indeed be a great way to understand people. Is there anything that surprised you about these books?

SCP-049: I was surprised by how diverse human feelings are. Everyone experiences love, fear, and hope in their own way.

Dr. Lewandowski: Yes, humans are amazing creatures! What about you? Have you ever experienced something similar to love?

SCP-049: (Pause) I'm not sure. My life has been devoted to fighting the windfall, and I haven't given much thought to such feelings. But... sometimes I feel warm when I talk to you. (turns away)

Dr. Lewandowski: I'm glad to see your condition has improved markedly. I feel warm when we talk, too. (Pause) You are an unusually interesting conversationalist.

SCP-049: (surprised) Interesting? I've always thought of myself as rather... odd. But it's nice to hear you say that. You don't hear that very often in this place, in general... I've never heard it from you.

Dr. Lewandowski: Weird people can be very interesting! We all have our unique qualities. For example, your view of the world is something special, not strange. By the way, have you read that novel?

SCP-049: The Master and Margarita? Yes, an interesting work about the power of love and the struggle against darkness.

Dr. Lewandowski: I think there are so many layers and philosophical themes there. You know, you sound like the Master (Laughs).

SCP-049: Hmm... There's something, maybe, and you remind me of Marguerite.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Laughs) That's probably true. Unfortunately, I have to go. Don't forget, you deserve to be understood. And I'm here to help you do just that.

SCP-049: (With a slight sadness in his voice) Your support gives me strength.

Dr. Lewandowski: We all need each other's support.

SCP-049: I look forward to our future conversations.

[END OF RECORDING]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Area 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Good afternoon Doctor, I would like to know what your thoughts have been occupied with lately?

SCP-049: Greetings. (Pause) Relatively recently, I've been thinking about the nature of human cruelty.

Dr. Lewandowski: Cruelty... (Pause) Unfortunately, it permeates every facet of existence, like a shadow that follows the light.

SCP-049: Yes. (Sighs) I watch people, and it makes me sad how capable they are of terrible things. There is a darkness lurking in their hearts that sometimes overshadows even the brightest impulses.

Dr. Lewandowski: As it happens, humanity is a paradox. On the one hand, it creates beautiful works of art, science and culture, and on the other hand, it is capable of ruthless acts of violence and hatred.

SCP-049: Exactly. I see how people can be kind and compassionate, but at the same time they easily cross the line into becoming instruments of destruction. It causes me deep sadness and bewilderment.

Dr. Lewandowski: I share your feelings and support your thoughts, Doctor.

SCP-049: It is most gratifying to know that, Dr. Lewandowski. My mission is to rid mankind of disease. At times I am at a loss as to what to do about this inner cruelty? How do you heal a society that is tearing itself apart?

Dr. Lewandowski: You see, many of these atrocities come from fear, ignorance and hatred. Or perhaps they were mentally wounded once, and that wound, without proper treatment, began to fester, infecting the whole mind and soul.

SCP-049: (Interested) I like the way you think. Abuse is not just physical violence. It is also words that hurt, betrayals and indifference to the suffering of others. In each of these acts I see a reflection of the disease.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Sigh) Sadly, dreams of a world where humanity can overcome its cruelty and learn to love are utopian.

SCP-049: I'm not so sure about that. It's certainly not an easy task, the whole world and one me, the road to healing is long and thorny. But the more I work at it, the closer that peace comes.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Pause) Perhaps someday people will realize that cruelty is not part of their true nature. Perhaps they will learn to see in each other a reflection of themselves and learn to care for those who suffer. Perhaps... (Pause) But sometimes you get the idea that some people are so rotten in their souls that treatment will be useless, and the only thing left to do is to rid the world of that person so they don't hurt others. This is not humane, but in such a case it is possible to make sure that this person stays alive but is not capable of hurting others.

SCP-049: (Surprised) Your thoughts make sense. We've had a rather pleasant dialog. I've never had such an in-depth discussion with anyone else. I feel much better.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Smiling) That's wonderful, Doctor, I confess I don't often have someone to talk to about this either.

[END RECORDING]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Area 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Good afternoon, Doctor, how is your mood?

SCP-049: Greetings. My mood is a little down, without my work I'm having a hard time mentally.

Dr. Lewandowski: I'm sorry to hear that, Doctor. (Pause) Let me ask you something.

SCP-049: I'm listening to you.

Dr. Lewandowski: Do you have any pleasant memory from your life?

SCP-049: (Sighs) Unfortunately, there aren't many... (Pause) I do recall one. Yes, it was a time when I was out in the wild, searching for rare herbs and plants in the forest. No people and just the sounds of nature. And then I came to a field, a field of lavender. (Sighs) It's... It was a magical feeling. The field was filled with bright colors and the air was full of a light, slightly spicy aroma. I felt like I was in another world, away from my worries. I walked slowly among the flowers, watching the bees as they worked to gather nectar. The bees are not aware of the suffering that humans are experiencing, they are just doing their job, benefiting the world around them. It made me think: maybe that's what humanity needs - the simple pursuit of the good. (Pause) The whole day I was there. It was wonderful. I dream of being in that moment again one day.

Dr. Lewandowski: That's... It's a wonderful memory, very beautiful.

SCP-049: Yes... It's beautiful. You know, I feel a little better.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Smiling) That's wonderful to hear. Try to remember something else, good thoughts can smooth out your condition within these walls.

SCP-049: I'll try. Thank you for encouraging me to remember this.

[END RECORDING]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Interviewer: Dr. Snezhana Lewandowski, Area 19

Interviewee: SCP-049

[START RECORDING]

Dr. Lewandowski: Good afternoon Doctor, how is your mood?

SCP-049: Good afternoon Snezka. I guess my mood is somewhere between average and good. Good to see you, how are you feeling?

Dr. Lewandowski: I'm not bad. I have something I'd like to give you. I had a hard time getting permission for it from the foundation, but....

(Took out of her bag a small pillow with a lavender flower print pillowcase and placed it on the table in front of the subject).

This is for you. I remember that you don't need sleep, but that's not what it's for. Rather it is for coziness, and your favorable mood. This pillow is stuffed with lavender.

SCP-049: (Surprised) It's for me?! What a wonderful gift, lavender really calms me down.

Dr. Lewandowski: I'm glad the gift is useful to you. I would have brought you something else, but unfortunately the Foundation has only authorized this one so far.

SCP-049: I am honored by such attention, thank you, Dr..... Snezka. (Pause) ...How did I not notice that... Your last name is...

Dr. Lewandowski: (Interested) Hmm?

SCP-049: Lewandowski, that last name comes from the Old Polish word levanda, which means lavender. What a wonderful coincidence, my favorite plant.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Smiles) Yes, that's right, my favorite too by the way. I am amazed at your knowledge, Doctor!

SCP-049: It is a pleasure to be appreciated and understood by you. I must admit, you are not out of my mind.

Dr. Lewandowski: (Embarrassed) Oh... You know, it's mutual. Doctors aren't supposed to have favorites, but I have to admit...(Pause) You're my favorite patient.

(momentary silence)

SCP-049: I wish we could meet more often...

Dr. Lewandowski: I'd like that too, Doctor...

[END OF RECORDING]

Supplement

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[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive (Daily updates!)

Under 1s account for 64 per cent of all childhood hospital admissions with Covid, study finds

By Tom Bawden

Under 1s account for 64 per cent of all childhood hospital admissions with Covid, study finds

Covid is almost as bad for babies now as it was in the early days of the pandemic, while the risk of serious illness among all other age groups has sharply reduced over time, a study has found.

Researchers found that 6,300 babies less than a year old were admitted to hospital, either wholly or partially because of Covid, in the year to August 2023.

As such, infants accounted for 64 per cent of all child admissions for Covid for that year, according to the new study, published in the Journal of Pediatrics.

The study shows the rate of hospital admissions among infants has hardly changed as the pandemic has progressed, with a total of 19,790 under-ones admitted between August 2020 and August 2023 (an average of 6,596 a year) – representing 43 per cent of all child admissions over that time.

Meanwhile, during the period when Delta was the dominant variant, from May to December 2021, infants made up less than 30 per cent of children’s admissions.

Taken together, these figures show that while serious cases fell sharply among children aged one and older, they are little changed among the under-ones.

The continuing high rate of hospitalisations among babies is largely because babies are born with no immunity to Covid and weak immune systems more generally.

This is in contrast to many older children, who have built some immunity from Covid infections and vaccines.

Most infants are only in hospital for a short time – about two days – but about 5 per cent needed intensive care.

“The pandemic is as bad as it ever was for babies. Under-ones are the only age group where admissions have not gone down over time,” said Professor Christina Pagel, of University College London.

“As children over one year old gained some immunity from infection or were vaccinated (with vaccination mostly in teens), their risk of needing hospital fell. But this doesn’t help infants in their first encounter with the virus.”

She expects the picture among infants to have been “about the same” in the year to August 2024 as they were the previous year, “as we’ve continued to see waves of Covid and immunity in newborns remains low”.

This is the first study to show that UK Covid hospitalisations among babies have hardly fallen during the pandemic.

Although a vaccine has been developed for children aged six months to four years, these are only given to those who are clinically vulnerable.

As such, the best protection a baby can get is if the mother is vaccinated during pregnancy – ideally in the third trimester, scientists say.

The baby builds up some protection from the mother’s vaccination “in utero” and boosts this further after birth from breastfeeding, when antibodies are passed on through breast milk. The vaccine also reduces the risk of the mother catching Covid and passing it to her baby.

Professor Pagel points out that vaccine uptake in pregnancy is quite low, at about 40 per cent, and urges more pregnant women to get vaccinated.

“Not enough infants are being offering the protection of a vaccine – from six months – and the benefits of maternal vaccinations aren’t be promoted enough,” she said.

A study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that a vaccination during pregnancy reduced risk of hospitalisation for Covid among infants under the age of six by 61 per cent.

Analysis by the US Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has shown that Covid hospitalisations in babies under 6 months old are higher than any other age group apart from over-75s – although the difference is that hospital admissions among that age group have fallen sharply over the course of the pandemic, even if they are still higher than for babies.

Dr Simon Williams, lecturer at Swansea University, who was not involved in the research, said: “The findings of this new study are very concerning and help to debunk the myth that Covid is harmless in children. Although a majority of children will not be seriously ill from Covid, this study shows that in some cases it can be serious, and particularly in babies, who are vulnerable and with low immunity.”

Sheena Cruickshank, professor of public engagement and biomedical science at the University of Manchester, who was also not involved in the study, said: “Young babies are exceptionally vulnerable to Covid as their immune systems are still developing.

“This paper shows that even while older children are being hospitalised less, this is not the case for younger children. If mothers are able to breastfeed and have been vaccinated during their later pregnancy, then their maternal antibodies can protect the baby.”

“However, takeup of these vaccines has not been quite as good as it could be leaving a lot of mums and their babies vulnerable,” she said.

Dr Mary Ramsay, director of immunisation at UK Health Security Agency, said: “The Covid vaccine for pregnant women is offered during a relatively short window during Autumn [October to December], so we advise them to take it up when it’s offered this year and not delay.

“This way the vaccine can protect more pregnant women and newborn babies, whatever stage of pregnancy they might be in and if they were to deliver prematurely.

“The Covid-19 vaccine is already offered to ‘babies over 6 months of age and children who have certain long-term conditions’, who are among those most at risk of severe illness.

“For other babies and children, Covid-19 will generally be a mild illness. Our surveillance shows that whilst infants under 6 months of age currently have the highest rates of hospitalisations, the number requiring intensive treatment remains relatively low.”

“As with all vaccination programmes, the JCVI keeps the Covid-19 vaccination programme under review and informed by best available evidence.”

Study: www.jpeds.com/article/S0022-3476(24)00473-6/fulltext