#she probably would have a mental break down since she would thing that she lost it and her dad would be mad

[thetoonstation]

Alone…

During a battle with the autobots and the decepticons for the matrix, starlight get caught in between it and ends up getting lost from the autobots with the matrix’s of leadership. Now she’s alone and uses the matrix to comfort herself as she wonders on the surface of cybertron.

[sunaluv]

I love the "Come get your man" series could you make a pt4????[you do not have to]

I love your work sm!!!keep doing what your doing!!!

Drink water, take breaks when needed, take care of your health both mentally & physically!!and see you next ask♡

wooo we back at it again! thanks for checking in on me bae 🥲 take care of yourselves too!

also thanks for 1k followers 🥳

part 3

feat. kenma, tsukishima, iwaizumi

steamer!KENMA

kenma loves his job. as a professional streamer he’s his own boss, he doesn’t have to be around people too often and he’s become really fond of his little online community (not that he’d admit that out loud).

it’s been a week since your unplanned debut on his channel. you didn’t realize he was recording when you came to drop of his snacks, doing your daily check in. ever since, all the tags with his stream name were aggressively loving, basically demanding him to bring back their ‘mother’ to the screen.

you drop in every now and then to remind his viewers to look after themselves, jokingly scolding them for not looking after your man aswell but it’s all fun and games on both ends.

whilst watching his stream in the room next door, you can help but notice a user in particular.

@/kodzubae: LMAOOO i thought he would be dating someone much prettier😭 didn’t know kodzu did charity cases.

even though the chat was moving before you could read all the comments, your eyes always managed to find whatever the user said about you, and none of it was nice. you didn’t have to be told not to read the comments— it’s an unspoken fact but your eyes and brain always seem to betray you, feeding into your minor insecurities.

you haven’t even realized you were staring at a blank screen. kenmas’ stream had ended whilst you were too lost in your thoughts.

“…you alright?” he asked hesitantly.

though your eyes lit up and your lips quirked at the sight of your boyfriend, he knew something was up— call it a sixth sense of his.

you wordlessly tried to convince him that you were okay, talking and joking the rest of the night until you fell asleep in his embrace but none of it felt genuine. he didn’t want to pry, but it physically hurt him to see you hiding things from him.

totally disregarding the first rules of boyfriend 101: “don’t go through your partners phone!”, kenma unlocked your phone, instantly frowning at the screen before him.

it was her twitter page. kenma knew his lifelong fans, and the handle on your screen now was one of them, except it was full of fan behavior for him and blatant hatred for you.

he felt bad.

it wasn’t exactly his fault, but he still felt responsible for the digs at you that were happening on his live.

the next day, you had woken up hours after kenma. you tend to do that when you sleep with a heavy heart.

in the distance, you could hear him talking, probably streaming. so you opened his stream on your phone and tuned in right on time.

“hey guys,” he greeted. “before we start i want to say something…i’ve become aware that ever since ‘mother’,” he emphasized on the quote marks. “made her first appearance, some of you have not been the nicest to her online and i just want to say that that’s a boundary that absolutely cannot be crossed.”

@/user1: WHAT? WHO HURT MOTHER

@/user2: i hope she’s okay :( luv u mom

@/user3: we’re just going to skip over the fact that he acknowledges them as our parents? okay…

@/user4: cross ken >:( cross ken >:(

“so from here on out, any hate towards her will be an instant block. i’ve told my mods too so behave…” he firmly, yet gently scolded.

“now that’s out of the way, today we’ll be…”

you watched the rest of the stream with a smile on your face. though you were working on voicing your concerns and discomfort, it was nice to know that kenma is willing to work for you whilst he waited.

TSUKISHIMA (tall!reader)

“you look so much taller when you’re not welded into tsukkis’ side, ya know?”

startled, you angled your neck down to see one of your classmates.

you had been avoiding her, and she, you. but it seems she’s finally willing to break this ongoing silent tension fest between you two.

“what do you want.” you deadpanned.

she gasped. “you’re too mean! tsukishima doesn’t deserve to be with someone like you, he deserves someone who is more down to earth, you get me?”

she eyed you up and down to emphasize her point.

taking your silence as willingness to listen, she continued. “i mean your too tall! granted he is too but opposites attract, he needs someone who will look good with him, like me.”

you folded your lips inward to contain your laughter. you and basically everyone knew about this girls love for your boyfriend, but you never pegged her as the type to come at you like this.

“you can have him if you want,” you waved. “kei looooves short girls.”

her eyes lit up in victory, obviously not sensing your sarcasm. “cool, just make sure you break up with him today because-“

“nobody is breaking up with anyone.” a voice shot.

low and behold, your six foot something boyfriend shutting down any advances you were planning to set him up with. though he joined the conversation, he only appeared to be addressing you.

“kei! i-“

“tsukishima.”

“tsukki! i-”

“no.”

he made eye contact with your smirking face over the girls head. “you were just gonna throw me to the wolves like that?” he asked offended.

you chucked. “there’s no wolves kei, look at her” you pinched the cheek of the stunned girl stood in between you two. “she’s harmless, like a poodle.”

she stood, mouth open seemingly in shock.

looking back at him, his face did not let up. you sighed.

“i’m sorry kei,” you breathed through your nose. “i will never subject you to such a horrible, earth shattering, torturous-“

“that’s enough, my god” he groaned. grabbing your wrist, he dragged you by the wrist, only slowing down when you rounded the corner, out of the girls view.

“you know i was joking, right.” you poked his cheek, to which he swatted your hand away.

“i know you’re joking,” his signature smirk appeared. “after all you wouldn’t throw away the opportunity to date the guy you’ve been crushing on for as long as you’ve been here. if i recall, your confession went along the lines of ‘i-“

you slapped your hand over his mouth in embarrassment. leave it to the guy to turn your confession into a weapon against you.

you playfully bickered down the rest of the hall, forgetting all about the girl who had tried to take your place earlier.

IWAIZUMI

“are you sure you’re not only using him to like, get to oikawa or something?”

the first words this girl had spoken to you. you don’t know who she is, or where she came from but she has some nerve coming with such a ridiculous question considering you haven’t formally met before.

“excuse me?”

“you heard me,” her tone was now accusatory. “i’ve seen many girls do iwa dirty because they want oikawa so if that’s the case save yourself an ass beating and leave him alone!”

you don’t know if you have bad memory or what because you don’t know who this girl is and as far as your concerned, neither does your boyfriend.

“i’m sorry, are you a friend of his?” you were more confused than anything.

“i am his and he is mine.”

woah.

you didn’t want to accuse her, but every sign she was showing pointed to a major case of FDS (fan delusion syndrome), a case of the crazies found in fans of the oikawa toru founded by you, maki and mattsun, but you were unaware that this case was also present in your boyfriends own… supporters.

you don’t blame them though because your man is a total hunkkkk. anyways.

right on queue, the door slid open and both of your heads turned to meet hajime’s, and of course he has to show up with a sweaty face, shirt practically clinging to his defined body.

“hajime!” the girl called, running and stopping infront of him. “she’s using you do get to oikawa, break up with her!”

he followed the finger that was pointed to you— confused and lost in the middle of the gym.

“that’s my girlfriend, she doesn’t like him like that.”

the sound of a shattered heart pierced the sudden silence. “w-w-what do you mean girlfriend, she’s after toru i’m sure of it!”

a humorless chuckle sounded from his throat. “trust me, she doesn’t ”

being cautious not to set the girl off, he traversed around her, and straight to you who watched the whole interaction both concerned and amused.

“wowww,” you breathed. “i didn’t know you were also a cause for FDS.”

“what?”

“nothing,” you straightened. “i don’t blame her though. i would go crazy if you walked around looking like that too.”

his face flushed and he turned away. “stop saying things like that…”

you smiled, poking his cheek. “what, i can’t appreciate my boyfriend who’s built like he was carved from the greek gods himself?”

he walked away after pushing your face with his hand, drowning your chuckle.

“c’mon haji, don’t be like that,” you chased after him. “you have to be feeling yourself a little after seeing the affect you have of the seijoh population!”

the girl watched as you made her ‘man’ flush, comment after comment, feeling numb as she watched him get more and more out of his reach.

[jjkamochoso]

I have a Gen Narumi request!

So basically Y/N turned very cold and distant to (almost) everyone, after she lost EVERYONE they care about from a kaiju attack, being scarred both mentally and physically, she closes off from the world trying to protect themself, but they're wonderful, weird, game addicted captain, just so happens to have broken that ice wall a tiny bit (Y/N's even giggled once in front of him!!) , but he's never seen her cry...until one day he heard quiet sobbing from her office, he checks it out being the great friend he is, but sees Y/N curled up in their chair in fetal position ,tears flowing down their face (Gen tries to comfort her obviously, he would be the best friend ever I swear)

Fluff/angst because I've been reading to much unholy stuff :)

Oooh I like this idea!! Angst and fluff is the best combo🤭 thanks for putting your trust in me for this story and I hope you love it!! 🫶❤️

Comfort from Your Captain

Angst, fluff

Gen Narumi x f!reader

Warnings: mentions of death, depiction of panic attack, small instance of cussing

“Hey, L/n! You wanna grab some lunch with us?”

“No, thank you. You guys go ahead.”

That was a common occurrence for you. Your teammates never failed to extend an invite to their favorite platoon leader and you never failed to deny their requests. They were all extremely nice people which was why you didn’t want to get to know them better—it would make life even more unbearable for you when it was their inevitable turn to die on the battlefield against the kaiju. You had already lost your entire family and friends years ago when a kaiju ravaged your neighborhood, that tragic day leaving an irreparable mark on your heart and mind. The attack hadn’t left you unscathed physically, either; you were haunted by it everytime you looked in the mirror and saw the scars littering your face and body, reminding you of all you had lost, all you were too weak to protect. Since then, you had sworn to never get close to anybody because you knew it was only a matter of time before they got ripped away from you as well.

Until a certain captain entered your life.

When you were transferred to the First Division, you kept to yourself as per usual, but somehow along the way, Gen Narumi was able to break down the walls you had built up for so long. Was it because you knew he was strong, so strong that he probably wouldn’t die in the hands of a kaiju? Was it because of those countless nights you spent together, when both of you found sleep evading you, up until dawn, him playing video games while you silently enjoyed his company, just not wanting to be alone for once?

Was it because you finally found someone who understood what it was like to have nothing and no one at all?

It was a mix of all those things, you thought. Whatever the real reason was, anyway, you didn’t care; all that mattered was Gen Narumi had become the only friend you could tolerate having. He was the only person in the past few years to have seen you crack a smile and let out a giggle when he was being particularly ridiculous. And, as neither of you were team players, you worked well together in the field for that very reason. He would always charge for the large honju while you would take out all the smaller yoju surrounding him. It was a silent agreement between you to stay out of each other’s way and you were glad to have that level of trust in someone for the first time in many years.

Oftentimes, especially lately, you wished you could embrace the happier, more communicative side of yourself you’d had to suppress all this time. Your division was comprised of many kind people who you would’ve loved to learn more about, but your fear of loss was much too strong to allow you to be so vulnerable and open with anybody else other than Gen. It pained you to turn down their many offers to dine together or hang out, but you really couldn’t bring yourself to agree to any of it. However, you were starting to tire of being so lonely all the time. Keeping up your cold demeanor around your team was starting to take a toll on your mental health and you found yourself becoming wrought with despair much more often than normal. When you bid the members of your team farewell, your heart began to quicken its pace and your breathing was becoming rapid. Words flowed through your brain at a swift pace, so quick you could barely create a coherent thought.

What is going on? I feel like I’m dying. Why am I doing this? I’m losing control.

I need to get out of here.

Your body was on autopilot—you ran to your office as fast as your shaking legs could carry you. You hoped the slam of your door wasn’t echoing across the base because the last thing you needed was someone seeing you in this state. Throwing your body onto your desk chair, you tried to even your breathing but your lungs weren’t cooperating. All of a sudden, akin to a thundering storm, came an onslaught of tears from your eyes. You began to sob, your body wracking with each cry you tried so desperately to hold in.

“It’s too bad L/n couldn’t make it to lunch with us. Maybe sometime later this week?”

“Maybe. She always seems to have something going on though.”

Gen listened intently to the conversation happening between your teammates as they walked past him, throwing up lazy salutes to the captain on their way to the dining hall. He frowned, letting their words settle into his head. He knew you had a hard time with opening up to others but it pained him to see you so blatantly blow off people who genuinely wanted to connect with you. He knew all the great qualities you had to offer with your friendship and he wished that you could see it was okay to lower your guard sometime.

I’ll go check on her, make sure she’s alright.

He waltzed toward your office, video game in hand. He had just beaten the level he was on when he raised a fist to your door but stopped in his tracks. Holding his breath and putting an ear to the barrier between you two, his heart immediately sank.

Is y/n… crying?

Gen didn’t know what to do. He had never seen you cry, let alone show sadness in any real sense of the word. You favored the emotionless side of yourself, never letting others see what you were going through internally. Now, with only a door separating you two, he hadn’t the slightest clue whether he should barge in or not. He waited for a moment, but you didn’t let up. In fact, it sounded like you were crying harder, if that was possible. With a gentle touch, he tried the door handle—it opened without protest.

She must’ve ran in here in a hurry.

He knocked on the door as he swung it open slowly. “Hey, uh, y/n? You alright?”

When he entered the unlit room, he could barely make out your figure, currently huddled up in your chair. Your knees were drawn close to your chest, your face hidden in the darkness of the arms covering it. Even with the curtains drawn, he could tell you were quaking in your position. When you didn’t answer him with so much as a threat to his well being, he knew you weren’t doing well. Your labored breaths, along with your sniffling cries, hadn’t calmed and it pained him to the core to see you hurting in such a manner. Without a second thought, he quickly ran to you and took you in his arms the best he could.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. You’re alright,” he consoled, rubbing his hands up and down your back. “I’m here. You’re safe.”

“Gen, I-I can’t,” you hiccuped, not daring to show your face.

“Can’t what? It’s alright, you can talk to me.”

“Can’t keep doing this.”

His eyes widened in concern. “Doing what?”

You didn’t answer, a fresh wave of sobs taking over your body. He didn’t let up in his care for you, hugging you tighter to his body. After a few minutes, your crying finally seemed to slow but Gen never loosened his grip, adamant on proving to you that he was there for you in your lowest of lows.

You raised your head from its downward position, tear stains all down your cheeks. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what, silly girl?” He cracked a smile, softly rubbing circles on your back.

“He-helping me. I’ve pushed you away f-for so long but you’re here.”

Gen shrugged. “We’re friends. And that’s what friends do.”

His answer came out like it was the simplest fact in the world to him. The response was almost enough to send you into another spiral of emotions, but you held back as much as possible.

“You know, there’s a lot of other people that wanna be your friend, too. I’m not happy about sharing ya,” he playfully nudged you, “but I will for your own sake. You deserve to be happy and feel loved. I know how hard it is to get to that point of opening yourself up to others, trust me, I do, but we can work on it together if you want. You, me, and the rest of the team. We all have your back.”

You nodded, wiping your bleary eyes. “Earlier, when I was having that panic attack, I was thinking I couldn’t continue pretending not to give a shit. I just don’t wanna see anybody else I love get hurt. I don’t need any more scars.”

“I know.” The captain pulled you closer, resting an arm around your shoulders. “But that’s why we train. We get stronger so we protect the ones we love. This world is cruel and unfair. That can’t stop us from experiencing joy in the meantime.”

“Joy from things like video games and Yamazon?”

Gen stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “You’re already back to being mean to me? After my heartfelt pep talk?!”

“I’m joking,” you said, a faint smile gracing your lips. “Not used to that, are you, Narumi?”

“Not in the slightest,” he answered, his two toned hair flopping around with every word, “but I’m not mad about seeing you smile more.”

You broke out into an even bigger grin. It might take a long time and a hell of a lot of work, but you were ready to open your heart again—thanks to the comfort from your captain.

[thefanficmonster]

Piss off your parents pt.2

PART 1

PART 3

Colby Brock x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Drinking, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Fake Dating, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Turns out, LA is packing way more surprises than you were prepared for.

He's still nursing the same drink he started the night with. Not by choice - he just knows that he might make some serious mistake if he indulges in anything more or stronger. The beer is treating him well.

Then again, if he sees Nate and Y/N making out one more fucking time he might steer to the whiskey.

He feels like a terrible friend, unsure of who he's being more unfair toward of the two. He should be happy for them. Like Sam. He can't take a page from his book, though. He can't be openly supportive and encouraging of the blooming romance between his friends. The most he can do is plaster on a strained fake smile and try to enjoy his night, keeping himself away from them. If he can't be a proper friend, the least he can do is not let his displeasure - and borderline selfishness - swim up to the surface.

Although his features are definitely giving a clear glimpse into the warzone that is his mind. Hard glare, set jaw, gritted teeth, furrowed brows. If Sam wasn't already several rounds deep he'd probably pick up on it instantly.

Thing is, he already has picked up on it. The avoidance, the cold shoulder, short-spokenness. He's been picking up on the clues for months but dared not bring it up. In his head, it makes no sense. To him, it always seemed like Colby and Y/N were the rom-com waiting to happen. Stolen glances, gentle touches, subtle affection, their own love language. All trademark Colby-Y/N stuff. Where Nate came into the equation is unclear to him.

Truthfully, nothing is clear to him right now. Which is why Colby is currently helping him off the table he can't remember climbing onto.

"Come on, dude. You're gonna break something important." He says, steadying his best friend when he hops down too enthusiastically for someone in his state.

Sam slurs a response but is grinning from ear to ear so he can only assume he's enjoying himself enough to not mind Colby gentle-parenting him. But also enjoying himself too much to be trusted and left to his own devices.

Scoping out the hotel club with a quick glance, Colby's gaze thankfully finds Corey. Who it doesn't find is the main culprits responsible for his deteriorating mental state. Where's a shot of whiskey when you need it?

"Mind watching over him for a bit? Imma go get a drink." He yells over the music directly into Corey's ear, nodding to the inebriated blonde who's swaying to the beat of the music without a care in the word. Colby aspires to be him in an hour, the risks of it be damned.

Corey accepts the duty, earning himself a grateful pat on the back from Colby who disappears into the crowd the same instant. He's heading toward the bar, eyeing the bottles lining the wall behind it greedily. He's sees the amber liquids as a sea he's about to drown his worries in.

That is if he can shake them, though.

And, try as he might, he can't.

Surveying the venue a couple more times, he feels a sickening pit settle into his gut at the absence of his two best friends. He can't remember when he lost sight of them nor how, especially since his eyes were glued to her the whole night.

Others would be a lot less concerned with this predicament. I mean, when two people like each other veryyy much, have had several drinks throughout the night and have disappeared from the party, it's pretty clear where they might be and what they might be doing. But Colby doesn't even wanna let his train of thought travel that way. Neither his heart nor his liver can handle that.

But that's when he spots Nate with Sam and Corey. Yet still no Y/N in sight.

Colby decides this calls for a search party.

He checks each and every corner of the club with upmost diligence. She's wearing a little black dress that is for sure to help her blend into the blur of the party with the minimal lighting and packed crowd. It's not a problem for him though, he could spot her from a plane. Which makes his lack of findings all the more concerning.

He eventually takes his search outside the club and into the hotel lobby. Then out on the sidewalk, then in the parking lot. He has soon scoped out the entire perimeter around the hotel without finding a trace of her. He's all out of places to search and chock-full of sickening worry. It's as if she's disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Speaking of smoke...

As he's making his way back to the hotel entrance, he catches something out of the corner of his eye. A small plume of smoke emanating from the cracked open window of one of the club bathrooms. That's when the idea pops up in his head.

He never checked the ladies' room. For obvious reasons, of course.

But his rationality and reasonability were checked clear from his system ten minutes ago when his body entered full panic mode. So...

Still he tries to reason with himself: Play the drunk card. Just accidentally stumbled into the wrong bathroom, that's all. 'I'm not a creep I swear, I just mixed up the doors'. That could work, yeah....

And so, with a quicker pace to his step, he steps out of the humid LA air and into the chillier and more pleasant hotel lobby. He stops for a second under the cold AC breeze to take a breath. Collect himself.

What if it's not her? What then?

That depressing train of thought is interrupted by a slight ping coming from his back pocket. He nearly drops his phone he takes it out so damn fast. He'd sent Y/N a string of messages and even tried calling her a few times, all attempts with no success. Therefore, for a split second, he's hopeful that maybe she's finally replied.

Much to his dismay, it ends up being wishful thinking.

Much more to his dismay....

"Hello Cole. How is Y/N?"

...it's her mom.

It's been eight months since the incident, six since they moved to LA. In that time, Y/N's mom has come around approximately half an inch closer to tolerating him. Mostly because he's her only intel on her daughter since she's so adamant on being stubborn and not talking to her. And Colby is more than happy to be of service, he just wishes....

What exactly?

Wishes they could mend their bridges? Wishes he didn't have to lie on both his and Y/N's behalf? Wishes he didn't feel s fucking guilty?

Wishes it wasn't all a ruse?

Mrs. Y/L/N checks in once every couple of days, often with texts at odd hours like this. She has a lot of night shifts to handle at the hospital so, when she gets downtime is when she stops to reach out with a message to Colby - who she believes is her daughter's boyfriend, mind you - to ask about Y/N.

And he's always been instant with the replies. 2AM, 4AM, 7AM, you name it. Never once has he taken more than a couple minutes to reply. He can't remember sleeping more than two to three hours a night if any since they moved here. He'd blame it on the weather change. Then again, he knows better.

His correspondent noticed this too...

"Why are you never asleep? Is something wrong?" She'd asked him at one point, showing genuine concern which truly warmed his heart. And then broke it right afterwards when he remembered he can't tell her what's wrong. He wishes he could tell her for whatever reason. He has a feeling she'd understand, maybe even like him better because of it. But how could he tell her? The charade needs to be upkept, the show must go on, and he'll just...well, suffer, really.

With a quick confirmation of Y/N's well-being, he continues his venture back into the club, making a quick beeline for the dark hall leading to the bathrooms. And yes, he feels like a creep but no, he can't turn back now.

So, he pushes the door to the women's restroom open.

Thank the heavens, he thinks to himself. For two reasons.

Firstly, because it's a single stall bathroom.

Secondly, because on the sink counter outside the stall sits Y/N and suddenly he's getting deja vu.

Mascara is staining her cheeks, a cigarette is hanging between her lips, her hair is a mess. But she still gives him a smile when she sees him come in. "Hey." She greets him, voice barely above a whisper, "You're not supposed to be here."

Colby quickly locks the door behind him, approaching her with a newfound shake in his knees. Given her state, he's quick to assume the worst. "Jesus Y/N, what's wrong? Did something happen? Talk to me."

She shakes her head, a few more strands of her disheveled hair going awry, "Nothing happened, nothing's wrong. I'm just...having fun." She sounds bitter. Not sad, not angry. Just bitter, regretful almost.

For some reason he chucks up to human nature, he feels anger start boiling in that lingering pit in his gut, "Where have you been?"

She motions to the counter below her nonchalantly, slurring a little "Here" in response.

"Where'd you get that?" He asks, nodding at the cigarette between her fingers.

She laughs, whether drunkenly or genuinely he's unsure. "Some girl gave it to me when she heard me crying in the bathroom."

Alarms start goin off once again. She's unaware she's playing him and his sanity like a yo-yo with each spoken word, "Why the fuck were you crying? What happened?!"

Y/N finds the audacity to roll her eyes at him, "Nothing! For fuck's sake, Colby, nothing happened!"

"How can you say that and expect me to believe it? Look at yourself! You're a mess!" He tries subduing his anger but it's impossible. He doesn't know where it's stemming from. Maybe it's all that pent up adrenaline from twenty minutes ago coming loose. Maybe his worry is mixing with the relief and melting into frustration. Maybe he's taking out his bitterness - piled on for months, mind you - on her. Even though she doesn't deserve it. And he knows that.

She deserves the world.

He just doesn't deserve her. And he's yet to come to terms with that.

"I'm perfectly fine, thank you." She sasses him, taking the last puff of her cigarette before tossing it out the window.

"You're mascara is running down your face, your hair is all over the place, your lipstick is smeared as fuck. There's a party going on out there but you prefer sitting on cold marble and smoking in a bathroom. You can't tell me there's nothing odd about that." He's losing it, he can feel his sanity slipping from his grip and he can't get a better grasp on it. All he can do is watch as it leaves him.

Y/N, in her usual fashion, is quick to clap back, "You're the odd one! You're fully sober at your own party, angry for whatever reason. You're standing here lecturing me instead of being out there having fun. Oh, and need I remind you, you're in the ladies' room."

He laughs humorlessly. Exhaustedly. "I haven't been on a wild goose chase the whole night for you to...."

"He doesn't want me."

Her words cut him off and cut him deep. The confusion is brief but the pieces fall into place almost immediately.

Nate

"There's no fucking way. You've been all over each other..." He stops himself when he realizes how upset he sounds recollecting all the instances he caught the two in their own world. The pit rattles, a sickening feeling climbing up his throat.

She scoffs, "Yeah, well that's all there is to it. It's all physical. And always prompted by alcohol." A long sigh escapes her lips, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I'm just disappointed I didn't notice it sooner."

Colby Brock, for once in his life, has been rendered speechless. But he's aware staying quiet isn't an option. So he makes a weak attempt at a consolation, "Y/N, I-"

"Did you know?" She thankfully cuts him off before he can continue word vomiting.

He quickly shakes his head, "No. I swear I didn't. I would've told you."

"Yeah, I know. I know you would've. I just don't know why he told you he liked me when you asked him..." She sighs, picking at the hem of her dress, thankfully oblivious to the sudden paleness of Colby's face.

The sickness gets worse as he remembers his huge mistake. A lie he told months ago.

Y/N had asked him to fight this one battle for her and he still didn't do it, for utterly selfish reasons. She'd asked him for something so simple - ask Nate about his feelings for her, if there were any. And what did he do? He kept his tongue behind his teeth and quietly hoped she'd forget about it. Such a foolish thing to expect from someone completely head over heels in love.

So, when she inevitably checked in to find out the response, he had to lie. Lie and give her false hope he didn't even know was false at the time. There was a devil on his shoulder telling him to tell her the complete opposite but he could never be that evil.

He'd rather drink and sleep his way into coping through it all than watch his best friend be brokenhearted.

In the end it seems he somehow swerved the situation into hitting both those nails on the head. And he completely and utterly hates himself for having done that to Y/N.

The least he can do is come clean.

"I never asked him."

Silence. Fucking crickets. They can hear each other's heartbeats. And he can't bring himself to look up at her, let alone meet her eyes.

It feels like forever before words are spoken between them. She's the one to break the silence with one simple word: "Why?"

He can't tell her why. He doesn't know why.

Actually, you know what, fuck that. He knows exactly why and that's the reason he can't tell her.

"I don't know." He feels like such a coward. But the consequences of the truth terrify him.

"Why did you lie to me?" She doesn't sound angry. He wishes she did. Because the hurt he can hear in her voice is far worse than any furious wrath she could unleash upon him.

"I don't know."

"Fuck that, Colby. You're my best friend, for fuck's sake. You're the last person I'd expect to lie to me and you-"

"You don't wanna know why, Y/N." His restraint is growing weaker. He regrets the words as soon as he says them. He's aware she most definitely not leave it alone now. They're both stubborn, so fucking stubborn. Mules, if you will. Legends say they still reference something they bickered about a decade ago today.

"Yes I fucking do, Colby."

"It could ruin a lot of things."

"It won't."

"I don't wanna lose you."

"You won't."

"You promise?" He feels horrible asking for a promise from her after having revealed the biggest lie he's ever told her.

Well, second biggest anyway.

But she doesn't second his opinion because her response comes out faster than a bullet, "I promise."

In this moment of honesty, raw and bare honesty, how could he lie? How can he look her in the eyes and not tell her the truth? How can he even look at her? He owes her that much but doesn't know if he has it in himself to do it.

Forcing himself to look up, Colby swears he can feel a sharp pain in his chest. Her eyes are dry of tears by now but the shine remains, accentuated further by the fluorescent lighting. He swears he can feel himself fall for her all over again, even deeper.

"Because I'm in love with you, Y/N."

The crickets are back. The silence is eating away at him. He can feel her slipping through his fingers. Their decade long friendship flashes before his eyes. It feels like he's saying goodbye. To the memories, to the friendship. To the love of his life that never was.

The weight of the realness knocks his head back down, his gaze fixated on the black tiles beneath his feet. Shame, pain, dread and fear are all battling for first place, causing a whirlwind in his brain that nearly knocks him off his balance.

It's astonishing how much it hurts losing something you new you didn't deserve all along.

Tagging: @benbarnesprettygurl @beanredacted

[huggybearhughes43]

omg can you write like a jeremy swayman smut pls there isn’t enough for this fine ass man 😞

You asked him?!

Jeremy Swayman x Fem! Reader

Warnings- enemies to lovers (ur not human if you hate this man idc), smut smut smut smut, PnV, anal penetration🤫, love bites, cursing, creampie, lmk if there’s anything else

Summary- Since the day you started working as the bruins management the goalie had it out for you. Nothing in particular set him off but now you two couldn’t go a day without arguing. Your best friend told you to forget your resent argument but you couldn’t. So you showed up to his apartment to ask what he meant by what he said.

Word count- 1.7k

Ever since the very first day of working for the Bruins, Jeremy and I had it out for each other. Nothing happened, but the second our eyes met we hated each other. Every bitchy remark or roll of the eyes had me closer and closer to slapping him everyday.

Soft chatter filled the air of the hallway to the locker room. The boys had just finished with their game and were on their way home. After every practice, it’s my job to close up the rink, which includes making everyone is out. I sigh as the last of the group walks out, or what I thought was the last.

I rub my eyes and make my way into the humid (probably from the showers) locker room. It was mere silent as I walked in. Looking down at my phone I run face first into a firm chest. I look up, so ready to apologize. My worried expression faded to an annoyed one when my eyes meet Jeremy’s.

“Could you take any longer? I have a job to do and an apartment to get back to.” I huff and put my phone in my pocket before crossing my arms.

He rolls his eyes and steps out of the way for me to enter. His hair was dripping wet with sweat and his eyes droopy, sad even. The team had just lost against the kraken. I rub my neck as I walk in, guilt hanging in the air.

“Look- I’m sorry, I-“ I begin but he cuts me off.

“I don’t need pity from some girl who knows nothing about hockey.” He chucks his bag over his shoulder.

I scoff, my arms never leaving the crossed position on my chest. “I was literally trying to be nice!”

“Shocker.” I bite my lip, trying to hold back a bitchy remark that was so close to slipping out.

“Fuck you.” I say, trying my best to not say something that I’d ultimately feel bad about later that night.

He smirks and rubs his eyes. “Word is you want to.” He shrugs and walks out of the locker room, leaving me stunned.

I do my job quickly and get out of the arena. Stepping into the apartment I’m met with the stare of my roommate, also my best friend. I’m slightly taken aback, “what?”

She breaks the stare with a blink. “Nothing, you just look like you’ve seen a ghost.” “Oh,” I tsk and set my purse and keys down on the coffee table before sitting on the love seat we had in our living room. “Jeremy.” I shrug.

Lana, my best friend, groans and spins dramatically before looking back at me. “Just slap him already, please, for the sake of your mental health, I’m begging you”

I smile lightly and look at her. “I wish” I start, “he said ‘the word’ was I wanted to fuck him.” Lana huffs “he wishes” “I just wanna know who told him that. Because let me tell you, that’s the furthest thing from the truth.” I pause, “you know what, I’m gonna ask him.”

Lana furrows her brows. “Like… now?” “He lives a few roads down,I won’t be able to sleep until I know.” I grab my keys again and leave Lana in the dust as I storm outside and back into my car. It’s five minutes in the car before I’m parked in his driveway. I contemplate for a moment then get out of my car.

I knock hastily on his door, not stopping until he answered. The bright sun setting casting a purple-pink haze on the sky. He opened the door with his brows furrowed, his eyes drop down to mine before his expression softens but only an amount I would notice.

“What the hell are you doing?” His hair was dripping wet with water this time, his chest shirtless, he was only wearing a grey pair of sweatpants.

“I wanna know what you meant, when you said ‘the word is you want to’” I cross my arms bitterly and a smile cracks on his face.

He steps to the side to let me in. I gladly take the offer, not wanting to stand in the cold Boston air anymore. He closes the door as I turn around, our eyes meeting again.

“You’re telling me you came all this way to my house because you wanted to know why I said you wanted to fuck me?” He crosses his arms, his muscles flexing. I curse myself under my breath for staring. “Is that not supposed to confirm my suspicions?”

My jaw drops with a gasp. “What?! No! I don’t wanna fuck you!”. Jeremy tilts his head with a cheeky smirk, “yeah?” He takes steps closer until he was so close I could feel his breath fanning across my face. “Y-yeah.” I clear my throat. “Then tell me to stop” “wha-“ my words are cut off by his lips attaching to my neck. Soft nips every now and then between the kisses made my breath hitch and involuntary moans leave my throat.

“Jeremy- this isn’t a good idea…” his teeth pull at my skin as he moves his head to be level with mine, a smirk playing on his now plump lips. “Why? You don’t like the idea of actually liking me?” The sun was now fully gone, the only light illuminating the room was the light coming from the lamp in the corner of his entryway.

I contemplate for a moment, liking him for a change does sound nice. I sigh and move up a millimeter, connecting our lips in a harsh, hungry kiss. I felt his shit eating grin against my lips, not caring anymore I force my tongue into his mouth.

“If you think you’re in control here, you’re crazy.” He loops his hands around me onto my ass. “Jump” he whispers breathlessly. I do as he says, my legs wrapping around his waist as he hoists me up. He smirks, “good girl.” He kisses me again as he walks us to his bedroom.

He lays me on his bed softly before crawling on top of me, our lips connecting again. I moan softly into the kiss, my fingers fumbling with the waistband of his sweatpants. He tsks “I wanna see you first.” He pulls away and lifts my sweater over my head, my black Lacey bra on full display for him. He mumbles a low ‘fuck’ and places a kiss on both of my breasts before looping his fingers around the waistband of my jeans, pulling them down. I was now only left in my matching Lacey set.

His obvious bulge shown through his sweatpants. He looks up at me as he presses a kiss to my stomach before coming back up, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “And you said you didn’t wanna get fucked, huh?” My face flushes with a pink hue “it’s comfortable-“ “mhm” he kneels between my legs, kissing soft kisses before kissing my cunt through my panties. My breath hitches again as I squirm from the sensation.

He smirks and connects our eyes as he softly bites my panties before pulling them down with his teeth. “Jere- fuck” I moan as the cool air hits my wet pussy. He hooks his arms around me and undoes my bra, pulling it off. I was now left completely naked, squirming on his bed. “Jeremy” I whine as I tug on his waistband again. “Dirty girl” he whispers then pulls off the sweatpants that I had grown to hate.

My eyes slightly widen as my eyes drift down to his enlarged hard cock. “Flip over for me, yeah?” I nod and flip over for him, pushing my ass in the air for him. “Good girl” he runs a finger through my already wet cunt, forcing a moan from me. “Already so wet? Don’t even think I need to get you ready.” He squeezes my ass then I feel him press his dick against my entrance.

“Please~ I need you- I-“ my words are cut off by him easing into me. I gasp and moan out as I feel the sting of the stretch. He lets out a throaty groan as I squeeze around him. He bottoms out and the sting soon fades to pleasure. “Please move, Jere” he smirks at the nickname and retracts before slamming into me. I moan out loudly as I arch my back, my ass pressing into his pelvis.

Jeremy lolls his head back in pleasure, pinching his eyes shut as he pounds into me. I could think of anything but him and his cock as he fucked me dumb. I press my face into the pillows on his bed, muffling the moans. My head turns to the side, I gasp out quiet sobs of pleasure, feeling a calloused thumb prod at my tight asshole.

“Jeremy m’gonna cum” I manage to gasp out, my cunt clenching around his thick shaft. “Cum for me, pretty girl.” I cry out as I cum around his cock, breathing hard to catch my breath. He leans down to kiss my shoulder softly. “Where do you want it?” “In me Jere, I’m on the pill” I hear his light chuckle turned in a groan as he fills me up with his warm ropes. He pulls out slowly before collapsing beside me.

“We should’ve done that way sooner, baby.” He moves a hair out of my face. Still on my stomach, I smile softly. “I don’t think I can ever hate you again.” We share a laugh as he gets up. “Be right back.” Moments later he comes back with a warm cloth and a glass of water. He sits the water down on the side table as he moves to hover me again, pressing a kiss to my lips before cleaning me up with the cloth.

He lays next to me once again, pulling the covers over both of us. I nestle into him in a cuddle and drift to sleep.

After soft morning kisses and protests I insisted that I needed to get home to get ready for work. Jeremy pouting when I remind him I’d see him in a hour at work.

I was met with a judgmental stare from Lana as I walked through my front door. “You asked him?! And what did that get you?” I smile sheepishly.

“The best fuck of my life?”

~~~

Me when I got this request:

If Jeremy Swayman has no fans I’m DEAD

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA if I actively worsen my family’s sanity as revenge for worsening mine?

My family is that if two parents and three children (all in our 20s).

Without getting into deep specifics, basically, I’ve lost all the patience I’ve had for my family. My mom who is manipulative, my dad who is neglectful, my siblings who are egotistical and dismissive.

because I’m the middle child and oldest daughter I’ve been the brunt of every negative thing you could think of, and I dealt with it for… 25 years.

but this year as my New Year’s resolution I swore to treat them worse than they treat me. So every time my mom tried to manipulate me into feeling bad for her and to love her and to do the house chores, I threaten to kill myself and tell her that she was an awful mother and that if she really cared for me she wouldn’t ask me for things. (She knows I have mental illness that makes it hard for me to do things)

and when my dad puts my pet in danger I slap him and threaten to take his pet to a shelter to have him euthanized and tell him he should die alongside his pet (he is in his mid 60s)

I don’t do anything directly to my siblings because our relationship honestly isn’t that bad, but I did make a fake Instagram account that I use to call out one sibling for all the stuff they do to keep their image up or whatever (some bullying might be involved in their part)

and for my other sibling, who collects vinyls, occasionally I go and scratch up a vinyl they have. Just enough to make it seem like normal wear and tear, they haven’t noticed yet lol.

whenever my parents try to bring up my behavior to me I start yelling at them about how I’m crazy and they raised a crazy daughter and that everything I do is a result of their own creation. And my dad has offhandedly said to let a (female) pet die after she got injured once, so I bring that up all the time.

I tell him that since he hates women so much he should just shoot me like I know he wants to.

Over the past few months I’ve noticed that one sibling has become extremely paranoid, while the other has gotten very frustrated. My dad avoids me now and my mom is very obedient and quiet.

I don’t feel bad about this, and I know there are other things I could have done, but I feel like this has been worth 25 years of repressed anger. Now that the year is almost over, I’m considering that my New Year’s resolution be to try to fix whatever shit show has become of my family, but that’s not the point.

AITA for taking this revenge, or am I justified in paying them back?

the reason I don’t think I’m the asshole in this situation is that at least for the first several months, they tried doubling down on their bullshit. My mom got more manipulative, pulling out everything she could to make me feel bad for her and to submit to her again. And my dad became violent toward my pet, whom I’m protective of to the point where I’ve told every single person I’ve met that if anything happened to her I would kill everybody and then myself. (Luckily I was able to prevent my dad from actually hurting her, but the fact that he tried drove my goal further).

honestly, my sibling probably didn’t deserve it because we all pretty much ignore each other, but I’m holding the grudges from childhood when they would beat me up and break my stuff.

and before anyone says it, I went to therapy for four years and it just made me more angry

What are these acronyms?

[prettypinkporkchop]

I had an idea- what about Quil breaking up with his imprint. She dumped him after several years of dating. (Maybe not cheating but something to cross a boundary? It would have to be super crazy for an imprint to leave.) so when she does, he replays all the memories in his head of their time together…you can decide happy ending or no ??

Much love to your writing 😘

Quil has been distant lately. Not only that, but an asshole. You've tried to talk to him about it multiple times. He stops for a while and then goes back to being a dick. You guys have been together since you were in high school. Now, you both are older. (20s).

You pick up your phone from the circle booth table to check the time. Of course, he's late. Maybe Sam made him stay longer. Quil has made reservations for you two at a nice restaurant for a date. You know he's just trying to suck up and make it up to you.

Finally, Quil shows up. You see him walk in the restaurant. He looks around and sees you. He smiles and makes his way to you. He leans down to kiss your cheek and sits beside you.

"Hey, pretty lady." He eyes you up and down.

You blush even though you're mad at him. You love him so much and just can't stand the thought of being without him. "Thanks, handsome." You softly nudge him.

He sighs and moves his silverware around and lifts up a menu.

"Why were you late? Patrol stuff?" You smile.

"Yeah." Is all he said.

You sigh and put your elbows on the table, resting your chin in your hands. If it's his alpha, then you'll have to let it slide. It just sucks.

The waitress walks up. "Hey! What can I get you two?" She smiles.

"I'll have (food you like.)" You go first.

"Alright." She jots it down. Then she looks at Quil. "You?"

"I'll have the sixteen ounce steak with Mac and cheese and green beans." He smiles up at her.

She grabs the menus and nods her head. "I'll be right back." She walks away.

Quil looks at you, and your phone screen lights up while buzzing. You got a notification. Quil rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, leaning back.

"What? You gonna post our date on social media?" He asks in a cranky tone.

"I rarely do." You snap at him.

"Mm, okay. Who texted you?" He asks.

You pick up your phone and look. It's just a snapchat from Emily. She probably sent you something she baked. You slide your phone over to Quil. You look out the window that sits next to you.

"Who's this?!" He nearly yells.

You jump and look over at your phone. His finger is hovering your cousins snap. Your lip quivers. "My cousin who you've met plenty of times." You look around and see a few people looking at you two.

He scoffs and slides his phone back over to you. "Sorry. Let's just have a good time." He places his hand on your thigh.

You look back out the window, hiding the fact that your eyes are watering. You're tired. Mentally tired. How can things change this bad? Why have you dealt with it this long?

"Alright, this is yours." The waitress walks up and then places your plate in front of you. "And yours." She sets down Quil's. "Enjoy!" She walks away.

You have lost your appetite completely. You pick up your fork and pick at the food. Quil is already digging in. Finally, he notices you and stops.

"You okay?" He asks.

"No. I have a lot to say." You whisper.

He drops his fork and scoots a bit backward from you and looks at you.

"I love you, but you don't love me. That's apparent."

He raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean? You're my imprint. I do love you." He says.

"You've changed the last two years. You're distant. Cold. You keep me in a cage. I can't text anyone without you thinking I'm cheating. You're watching my moves and going through my phone. When have I ever cheated on you, Quil? You're the one that's barely home."

You watch his face. He seems to be listening. You think you're getting to him.

"I've just been busy with patrol." He says.

"I am going home and packing my stuff." You look at him.

He crosses his arms and nods his head:

"I have to go." You whisper and get up, leaving the restaurant.

You drive home, screaming to songs and crying out in pain. You park and go inside. Your phone buzzes and you look to see a text from Embry.

Embry: can't get a hold of Quil. Tell him I found the quest in the game from this morning. Lol thank you

Quil wasn't patrolling. He was at Embry's all day...

You get home, pack up as much as you can, and call a hotel room.

As you're driving, boxes in the backseat of your car are squeaking together. You're crying. You're hurt.

----

As Quil lays in bed alone for the second night, he stares at the ceiling. He's so angry with himself. He's hurting. He doesn't know what to do with himself. A piece of him left with you.

He let's tears fall down on the sides of his, running down his temples. He begins to replay his memories like a movie.

You first met in school.

He shifted and looked at you. God, he was happy to imprint on you.

He remembers how your hair would get stuck under his arm in bed, and you'd say a little, "Ow."

The first time, you guys had sex. It was in the moment, not planned. It started as a Makeout session in your bedroom.

You moved in with him, and he had you beside him every night.

He slightly sobs at the memories and rolls over on his stomach. His hand touches your pillow. He pulls up a strand of your hair and smiles while crying. Your hair is always shedding!

----

Quil hasn't even been patrolling. He hasn't been on his phone. He hasn't eaten. It's been four days. He opens his eyes from his sleep from a loud sound and familiar smell. Embry.

Embry barged in the room. "Quil. Dude, what's going on?!" He sits on the bed. He then covers his nose. "Dude, you need a shower." He looks down at him.

"She didn't tell you?" Quil whispers.

"No?" Embry furrows his eyebrows.

"She left me. I was mean to her. I treated her bad." Quil sniffles.

Embry gulps and looks down. "She hasn't answered any of us. I know she's been talking to Emily, but she's kept everything private." Embry continues.

Quil doesn't respond. He just looks up at Embry with the saddest eyes.

"What did you do to her?" Embry asks.

"I was mean. I lied about being on patrol when, really, I was hanging out with you guys."

Embry scoffs, "How could you want to be away from your imprint?"

"I didn't really want to be away from her. I just wanted out of my house. I realized that I was away to distract myself by hanging with you and the others. She could lose feelings and cheat on me. That thought made me spiral."

Embry opens his mouth and then looks forward. He's stunned at his friend. "What were you escaping from?"

Quil's heart clenches at the thought. "I'm scared of her dying and leaving me like how my dad died, leaving my mom alone. I remember the pain she felt. I remember missing him." Quil rolls over, his back facing Embry. "It's been bothering me. I'm scared of emotional pain."

----

"Quil!" You bang on the front door that's locked. You're tripping out. It's been two weeks. You knew you shouldn't have asked how he's doing. He's not good.

Quil opens the door, and you gasp at the sight. He's so skinny. His eyes have dark circles, and he looks lifeless. But he slowly looks up at your eyes, and his lips turn up into a smile. "I love you." He whispers.

"I.. love you, too. I just came to check up on you." You say.

"Thank you." He says softly.

You turn around to leave.

"Hey, if you want to, I have something to say." He says.

You turn around and face him. Does he deserve a chance? You think for a moment. What he says will determine. You sit down on the step and pat the spot next to you.

He sits down beside you, and you feel the warmth that you've missed. "First off, I want to say I'm so sorry. If you let me try again, I promise on my FATHER I will never treat you like that again." He looks you dead in the eye. His face is as serious as ever.

You are shocked. He's never mentioned his father let alone make a promise on him.

"I was scared of you dying and leaving me just like my dad. It started to kill me, and it was all I could think of. I figured I could escape by being with the guys. The thought of you getting upset and finding love in someone else came up, and I was scared of that. That is not a good excuse to treat you like that. There never is an excuse. You're precious. You're divine. I've hurt the only person I had found a reason in. And I'm sorry." His eyes never leave yours.

Your eyes never left him. But they begin to shed tears. Your mouth is slightly open. As you stare into his brown eyes to find any reason not to believe in him, you have a flashback.

Quil is hovering over you just after you two finish. You're out of breath and still high on the feeling he has given you. "I love you." Quil breathes out for the first time.

You come back to and lay your forehead on his chest. You start crying. His arms make their way around you. His hands rested on your mid back. He places his chin on your head, rubbing his thumb over your jacket. He smells awful, but it doesn't matter to you at this moment.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. He presses a kiss on your head.

You sit up and look at his face. "Quil Ateara."

"Yes ma'am?" He asks.

"Let's go to bed. Would you grab my stuff from the hotel tomorrow?" You wipe your face.

His eyes widen, and he smiles big. "I love you!" He says loudly. He pulls you against him, holding you tightly.

You sniffle and laugh a little, placing your hands on his hips. "I love you, too. Before bed, can you shower?" You giggle.

"Yeah... I probably should." He pulls back and looks over your face.

You lean up and press a kiss on his lips. It felt just like your first kiss. The fireworks, the tingles, the love. He kisses back slowly. His breathe about stings your eyes and you pull away.

"Oof, brush your teeth too." You wipe your nose on your jacket sleeve.

He jumps up. "On it!"

[thecat620]

Blitz and Performance Anxiety

From the latest Helluva Boss short, it seems like Blitz isn't very good at performing...certain acts when under pressure. Moxxie was able to activate the crystal by...pleasuring it since it's from Lust. Even Blitz was impressed and possibly turned on by it.

Now people are thinking he might not've been a good top if he couldn't pleasure in certain ways but I think there's more to this than what's on the surface. He isn't a selfish lover but he might be self-conscious about how he performs because if he isn't the best, he can't perform well.

I think this episode takes place after Apology Tour since he's under a lot of stress and trying to get used to the crystal being a part of his life. Stolas doesn't want to see him right now and he has a lot to figure out about himself after that talk with Verosika. His mental state isn't in the best place so he's gonna have his off moments.

But to be fair to him here, it was very cold and they were under a lot of stress from being attacked by killer penguins so he's gonna be a bit off.

And I think performance anxiety started when he was young at the circus.

Blitz was trying his hardest to make a balloon horse but the more he failed, the more flustered he got. When he made "Worm Horse", he was happy he got something and Stolas was happy from the jokes he made, giving Blitz a bit of an ego boost. But Fizz unintentionally coming in to show him up with his perfect balloon animal no doubt hit him in the ego and hurt him since his crush was getting more attention.

If he isn't perfect, I think he gives up too easily.

Also I want to point out something from the selfie he had with Verosika when they were still dating.

Notice the bags under his eyes? I think being with her was a lot more exhausting than what was let on. She even mentioned he was the "fun guy" while they were dating and that no doubt was tiring for him trying to keep that up constantly. He was mentioned as a partier but that much drinking and partying can take a lot out of a person.

Not to mention she is a Succubus so when they do the deed, that is gonna take a lot of energy out of him even with his stamina lasting a long time. If his performance isn't the best afterwards and he should've try a bit more, you can understand if he's not at peak perfection in the bedroom.

And I don't quite believe entirely her saying he was that bad in the bedroom. If things were going that well in her mind to the point where she said she loved him, I think their time in the bedroom wasn't as bad as she was claiming. When he broke up with her, I'm thinking she used a lot of the bad moments with him as ammo to try and tear him down to make herself feel better.

Plus with her personality, she might've been bossy in bed too but we'll probably learn more about that later. The reason for the break-up is 50/50 in terms of fault after all. I'm thinking when things were bad, they really were bad. They probably said and did things that hurt each other.

But I think what's really telling is how Blitz reacted when Stolas gave him the crystal.

He was desperate and begged he could do better. He didn't want to lose Stolas even if in that moment all he cared about was "the book". He was in tears and begging not to lose this since sex and killing were what he was best at or what made him feel like he mattered.

If he couldn't do those, who was he?

I think it isn't even he's not eager to do oral. In the song at the beginning of The Full Moon, he was eager to eat Stolas out so it isn't that he won't do that act but if he gets in his own head too much, he won't be able to perform that well. And he does pay attention to Stolas's preferences in bed when he's talking to the clerks in Lust, he's focused on what would make Stolas feel good. Blitz tells Fizz that Stolas isn't into beads, showing he does pay attention to him.

When you're lost in your own head and self-loathing, it can be hard to see anything else around you but Stolas has helped him get past that in some capacity. Blitz is happy to get back in the sack with Stolas and wants it to be a good night after a few months of not being in bed together. He is slowly realizing that he cares for Stolas and is on track for falling in love with him but his own traumas and self-loathing make it hard for him to realize that someone does genuinely want him for him and not just to get something out of him.

It hurt a lot but Apology Tour did give Blitz the wakeup call he needed to try and be better for himself and those around him. It's gonna be a long journey but taking that first step is a good start.

[burning-academia-if]

Since its Christmas 🎄. It can be naughty if you want it to be 😜How would the Ro's spend it with Mc? Also what would they like as a present 🎁 and what would they give Mc?

MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!!!

Also, I answered what the ROs would like as gifts here!

Rook: He honestly doesn't like most holidays for a variety of reasons, and usually pretends they don't exist. If it's something you'd like to celebrate though, then he'd go along with it, and it's one of the few occasions where he's going completely at your pace. For a gift for MC, I think it's something practical or something you've been needing that you mentioned offhandedly and he kept a mental note of it for later

Beck: Christmas used to be family time! If you've been together long enough, you're definitely being dragged to his parents house, and they are definitely going to try to feed you everything you're willing to eat lol It's also a pretty melancholy time for him, though, since it's a bit of a reminder of things he's lost. I think after all the family chaos winds down, you're left with him and a very fragile peace. He'd give you something from a show or game you like! Like a cool shirt or mug or something lol

Rhea: She doesn't want you near her home because she knows how that would go down, so you're spending Christmas Eve together instead! And since its Christmas Eve, things are still opened so the two of you can order in from your favorite place and just hang out. She'd probably make you watch classic holiday movies just because she never really got the chance to growing up and she wants to make up for lost time. I also think pre Christmas, she'd make the two of you decorate your own ornaments together too. Anyway, her gifts remind you that she comes from money because it's like Rook but like times ten. Multiple things you need all from the high end brands. She just blinks if you comment on it. There will also be a hand made card in there, somewhere in the depths of that giant bag she gave you

Zoe: Christmas is also family time, but this is the chaotic cheerful version ft siblings! You're being dragged into all the holiday activities. Gingerbread house competitions, baking cookies, all the Christmas games where the winner earns ten bucks about. It's non stop, and at the end of it Zoe just drags you to bed for cuddles and sleep but they're likely exhausted lol I think anything Zoe got you would be related to your hobbies, but they'd also include a care package of your favorite snacks or drinks.

Lars: You probably couldn't convince him to celebrate a holiday if you tried, but he is going to get you a gift because he knows you probably got him one. (Idk why, I'm also having flashbacks to the 'MC tied themselves up as the present' ask fakslfja). Anyway, his gift is probably a replacement for something you should have replaced a million years ago. Those busted shoes you've had for five years, the threadbare jacket, maybe even a new laptop if yours looks about ready to break down. ALSO, if your into a specific band he might grab concert tickets for the both of you to go.

???: Not necessarily Christmas day related, but I think they would be enamored with the idea of decorating a tree, so they'd ask if the two of you could get a small one and decorate it together askjskj They've never celebrated Christmas before, just like they've never celebrated anything else. They'd probably have fun just doing festive things for the novelty of it, but ultimately, they'd treat the day the same as any other day more or less. Unless you want something more from them, they'd be happy to provide. Gift wise, it'd probably be that one guilty pleasure thing where you want it so bad but you have no real reason to get it, so they just get it for you lol

[ageofevermore]

TOMORROW AT ONE

SUMMARY — after spending the day with natasha, you’re not ready to let her go, but she reminds you how quickly tomorrow will come

WARNINGS — omegaverse, soulmates, mentions of panic attacks and the aftermath of panic attacks, natasha showing off some dominance

heart masterlist, previous chapter, strawberry peanut butter sandwich

You had come out of your shell significantly since your conversation with Natasha and being released from the infirmary. A once stuttering omega, you’d found your voice again, this time not so uneasy and on edge. She brought a calm over you, like waves crashing on the shore. The newfound exuberance in your being left Natasha feeling light on her feet, following just a step behind you as you led her through the city. You’d spent the last few hours talking, getting caught up in yourselves and the stupid jokes that to anyone else probably would have fallen short.

“You don’t have to walk me home, Natasha.” You whisper, stopping to look fully at the red haired assassin that's followed you protectively since leaving the convention center. Your cheeks are flush a color like her hair, and Natasha smirks playfully.

“Who said anything about taking you home?” Natasha teased. She really hadn’t intended on bringing you home so soon. It was only after seven, and although she told the boys that she would be home from the convention by three at the latest, she was sure they’d have no objections to her lateness after she told them about today's events. Natasha watched you slowly begin to tense again, making a mental note that surprises aren’t something you enjoy. At least not yet anyways. Natasha could understand. After the anxiety attack you suffered earlier, and albeit being soulmates, she was still just a stranger. She’d take her time getting to know you. Sweet and slow was how she liked it anyways. “I hope you like ice cream.”

At the prospect of at least knowing where Natasha planned to take you, your shoulders began to loosen and the rosy color of your cheeks faded, although not entirely. An innocent blush, almost childlike, somewhat whimsical, was permanently etched across your skin. You nodded, dropping your eyes from her face to her hands, noticing how they were empty, and how soft they looked. Having a million things she could’ve said to you, Natasha opted for staying quiet, and making the move for you. When her hand found yours, it was like fireworks exploded in the pit of your belly and sent sparklers down your arms and legs. Everything felt warm, but despite what you’d thought, the palms of Natashas hands were calloused.

“You let me lead the way for twenty minutes.” You spoke softly. Natasha loved how soft your voice stayed, even when you were comfortable and content. It was a stark contrast to how deep and stone Steve and Bucky were. And unlike Tony, who had a sarcastic quip for everything, You were honest and didn’t evade her point or emotions. “Why?”

“Wanted to see where you’d take me.” Natasha shrugged, “Although, I’m a bit disappointed you thought I’d let you go so early in the evening. New York's beautiful just after nine.”

“I like it at four. The sun hasn’t come up yet, but it’s starting to break apart the darkness. That’s when it’s quietest too. It’s never empty, but between four and five is when it’s the least busy. My apartment is pretty high up, I can see the stars for almost twenty minutes before everything turns orange and pink.” You blush when you realize that you’ve gotten lost on a tangent at Natasha’s simple revelation, but despite it, you think the night fits her perfectly. Just as she thinks the early mornings of New York City perfectly fit you.

“You’ll have to let me see it sometime.” Natasha smiles honestly, meaning her words fully. To spend an early morning in her soulmate's bed, watching the stars melt into sunshine sounds like the perfect way to fall in love. Especially if it’s accompanied by cuddlings and kissing, but she’ll work you up to that level.

“You’d want to?” You wondered beautifully, shocked that Natasha hadn’t made a comment about your romanticized storytelling. Most people did. Most people that you’d shared that beautiful description with had laughed in your face and told you they’d rather be asleep. They stomped on your heart without a care in the world.

“Sweetheart, I’ll watch every sunrise with you.” Natasha smiles, “And you have four other mates waiting to meet you that I know would do the same.” Your cheeks burn for a few moments before your heart sinks and you completely freeze at Natasha’s side. In seconds you revert back to the anxious girl you were at the convention center.

“Oh god! I’m so sorry! I’ve completely taken you away from them all day! I’m so sorry! You should go! Really! I didn’t mean to hold you up for so long!” You fret, avoiding Natasha’s eye. You didn’t want to see the look on your Alpha’s face now that you realized that you’d been nothing but selfish since being released from the infirmary. Guilt began to gnaw at your belly, and that familiar fuzzy feeling pulled at the clarity in your head. Most Omegas didn’t do well with guilt, it almost always caused an unexpected drop, but with your anxiety and fear of disappointing people, it presented ten times worse in you. Natasha could recognize the signs and cursed her sweet hearted Omega for being so hard on herself always.

“Y/N, sweetheart, I want to spend my time with you. I promise, the boys will understand. We’ve been so excited for when we finally got to meet our Omega. The only complaint they’ll have about me being out so late with you is that they didn’t get to steal your time themselves.” Natasha promised, hoping she’d save you from the guilt and the drop. She really didn’t want to rush into the intimacy of your relationship, and handling a drop would force her to. She wanted you to come around on her own terms. “Would it make you feel better if I text them?”

You nodded before she softly added, “Ask them if it’s okay.”

“Sweetheart, I’m second in command, I don’t need to ask anybody how I spend my time.” Natasha informed teasingly, but the persistent pout on your blush color lips was unwavering. You were worried for the feelings of her other mates, and who was Natasha to deny you the satisfied feeling of knowing they didn’t mind.

[ Natasha ] Without too much information, I’ve met our Omega. She’s incredibly worried that I’ve taken away from our time together and is hoping it’s okay with you all that I take her for ice cream before I come home.

[ Tony ] YOU MET OUR OMEGA ?!

[ Steve ] I believe an ice cream date for our Omega is the only acceptable way to spend your time

[ Tony ] STILL NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION NAT

Natasha smiled down at the messages coming through on her phone, pulling you into her side so that you could see the messages for yourself, Natasha having a sinking suspicion that you wouldn’t have believed her if you didn't read them herself anyway. Your skin was on fire with the remnants of a persistent blush, and it only got hotter as you read what Tony and Steve had to say. You subconsciously dug your face into Natasha’s neck, letting out a sweet embarrassed whine.

[ Bucky ] Doll deserves an ice cream date, but only if we get to hear all the details not a second after you return home

You whined again, your hot breath tickling Natasha’s skin. If your mates had this effect on you when they were miles away and not even really talking to you, you knew that you were screwed to ever live another day without blushing. Natasha laughed, looping her arm tighter around your waist.

[ Natasha ] Said Omega is reading these over my shoulder. You’ve made our girl a blushing mess, FYI

Natasha’s chest trembles with laughter, feeling you huff against her neck, attempting to be mad as you dig the tips of your fingers into Natasha’s side, but all your teasingly bratty actions do is make Natasha feel like her heart is about to burst with love and admiration. For the very first time, Natasha feels completely complete and content.

“I have to be back in the area tomorrow for a meeting. I don’t want to rush into anything, but would you be up for meeting another one of our mates? Just one, we’d never want to overwhelm your pretty little head.” Natasha enlightens, tucking her phone away for the time being. She hadn’t planned on asking you until after she’d bought you ice cream and brought you home, but Natasha had a feeling you wouldn't mind.

“R-Really? I can see you again tomorrow?” The girl was in shock at Natasha’s invitation. Every nerve in your body was on fire and the skin of your soulmarks burned beautifully. Your soft hand instinctively fell down onto where the ballet slipper soulmark lay, which subsequently made Natasha’s breath hitched. God was she falling fast.

“You can see me whenever you want, dorogoy.” Natasha promised, cupping your jaw. The both of you were so close that they could feel the other exhale, and Natasha almost melted at the scent radiating off of you. She smelled sweet, like vanilla and strawberries, but a hint of rain on a spring morning was added as well. Natasha was easily addicted. All she wanted was to dig her nose into the Omega’s scent gland and memorize it; mark it. “But, I need an answer. Would you like to do that tomorrow, sweetheart?”

You nodded, your brown eyes glazing over in a beautiful submissive trance. Natasha hummed, raising an eyebrow at the blissed out Omega becoming putty in her hands. “Words, Y/N.”

“What?” You frowned before realizing what Natasha was asking, and the tips of your ears burned a dangerous shade of red. God would Tony have fun taunting you if you were always this responsive. “O-Oh, right. I would like to see you tomorrow, Natasha.” You didn’t want to see the look on Natasha’s face, your belly burning with anxiety and embarrassment at being so vulnerable despite Natasha initiating the situation, so your eyes danced along the surroundings around you.

Natasha giggled, dropping her hands from your face and again grabbing your hand. She didn’t want to lose her already floaty headed Omega in the sea of people rushing home from office jobs. You didn’t seem to mind either, taking the hand that Natasha held in her empty one and playing with her rings. Natasha’s heart was sure to burst if you kept making her stumble over her breaths with your cuteness. God, her mates really did have it out for her most days.

When they got to the small shop just around the corner from your apartment, and after Natasha opened the door for you, you melted into the superheroes side timidly. Every instinct in Natasha’s body (romantic, Alpha, dominant, maternal) burned horribly, screaming at her to protect the Omega in her arms at any and all costs. God you proving to be the sweetest girl she’d ever come across. She’d have heart problems by fifty if you kept it up like this.

“Sorry.” You whimpered, pulling away from Natasha’s side when you realized just how close to the older women you had gotten. You didn’t have to apologize, but you didn’t give Natasha any chance to tell you that before you was nervously rambling. “A-After an attack I get overstimulated a-and it’s loud in here.” You blushed profusely, wishing that you could take your words back when Natasha’s expression melted into one of regret. “It’s not your fault, I’m sorry. It’s stupid. I’m okay.”

“Honey, you never have to apologize for something out of your control. Do you hear me?” You nodded, fiddling with the clasp on Natasha’s thin chain bracelet, trying to distract yourself from the burning feeling in the pit of your stomach. “Good. You can drop your walls, sweetheart. Nothing you do could ever push me away. I know you can’t trust that just yet, but I hope I can prove it to you soon, okay? We’re going to go at your pace, dorogoy.”

“My pace?” You whispered, meeting Natasha’s eye for the first time since the infirmary. You melted at the comforting expression in her green eyes, not a trace of annoyance or judgment in her stare.

“Your pace.” Natasha confirmed, beginning to lead You towards the counter where an array of ice cream flavors was displayed. Natasha knows what she wants, and it isn’t served in those white plastic containers, but she doesn’t want to sway your decision. She has an inkling that your easily persuaded. “What’s your favorite, sweetheart?”

You look at the flavors. In truth, you aren’t crazy about ice cream, you much prefer a tropical fruit smoothie, but they’re expensive and her favorite little hole-in-the-wall cafe relocated farther into Times Square and truthfully, you couldn’t be bothered to make the trip as often anymore. That was probably good for your bank account, but not so much for your late night cravings.

“Strawberry.” You contemplated telling her the rest of your typical order. When you were younger, your siblings had tormented the hell out of you for liking what you did, and you weren’t fond of being made fun of, but Natasha had promised so many times not to do that. Natasha had promised so many times that she would be different, so you continued. “With peanut butter sauce and hot fudge.”

Natasha quirked an eyebrow, and for a second you thought that she was going to quip back at you about the disgusting combination of peanut butter and strawberries, but instead she smiled fondly. “Bucky likes peanut butter and strawberries. He’ll sneak out of bed sometimes if he can’t fall back to sleep and make peanut butter and strawberry sandwiches.”

“My mom used to make them for me. Not a sandwich, but when I was having a hard day, she would just up strawberries with some peanut butter. My brothers made fun of it more than they didn’t.” You enlightened, your eyes shining as she looked up at Natasha. God, all the assassin wanted to do was squeeze you until you popped.

“Well, I think Bucky would enjoy your company with his strawberry sandwiches. Don’t tell him I told you, but I know he gets lonely watching the sunrise alone with his snack.”

Natasha ordered for you at the counter, not even giving you a chance to worry about if you were going to have to do it yourself or not, which effectively made your knees weak, and you had squeezed Natasha’s hand in thanks. Your blush doubled when Natasha ordered a double scoop of ice cream, adding a soft whisper of praise in your ear after the employee had turned away, which hadn’t gone unnoticed. The whispered praise had been along the lines of how you’d been nothing but a good girl all day for Natasha, and you deserve the reward.

You ended up back at your apartment entirely too soon, and the pout written across your lips told Natasha that you thought as much.

“It’s just until tomorrow, sweetheart.” Natasha giggled, enjoying the sight of her pouty Omega in the dim hallway lighting. It made your eyes glow a color similar to gold. She’d never seen a shade of brown like the color of your eyes.

“Tomorrow is a far ways away.” You reminded, pulling at the hem of your soft colored shirt visibly upset. You didn’t want to seem clingy, but you’d been waiting so long to finally meet your pack, and as overwhelming as it had been and still was, Natasha was already so well versed at helping you feel safe and loved. You didn’t want to lose that for so many hours.

Natasha smiled fondly, wishing she could stay the night but she knew she couldn’t. They had just met. You were overwhelmed and overtired, and she was sure that come the morning you would be glad that you were alone in the safety and private space to understand and come to terms with all that’s happened today. “Y/N, sweetheart. I promise, first thing tomorrow afternoon, I’ll be out here waiting. Okay? No later than 1 o’clock. Go inside, get ready for bed, and think about today, okay? I want that pretty little head of yours asleep as soon as possible, you’ve had a long day.” The gentle instruction made you want to melt into the floor, your body itching to follow Natasha’s instruction and make her proud.

“You’ll sleep soon too?” You fret, and Natasha couldn’t help herself from audibly cooing at the well-intended innocent worry from her Omega.

“As soon as I tell the boys, I’ll be asleep, dorogoy.” Natasha didn’t need to tell you that she probably wouldn’t head to bed until some time after midnight, but the worried little Omega didn’t need to worry her head off about that all night, so she left it out. “Tomorrow at 1.”

“Tomorrow at 1.” You repeated, stepping into her apartment and closing the door when Natasha nodded at her one last time. Your heart was fluttering in your belly as you did as she told you to do and got ready for bed. You were asleep and dreaming about tomorrow afternoon before Natasha had even gotten home to the tower.

[fuckinthewholetown]

Fallingforyou - Matty Healy Chapter Two

Chapter two is finally here!!! Thank you all for the support on chapter one, none of the comments made me cry which means I’m clearly doing something right. I’ve tried something a bit different with this one so you finally get some insight into what the hell Matty is doing.

Tags: Angst, slight mentions of smut, swearing

Word Count: 4985

Minors do not interact!!!

Your POV

The UK/Europe leg of the tour was over in a flash, doing a full lap of Europe before you end back where you started, Wembley Stadium. Now, you have three months to relax until you kick off the North American portion of your tour in Arlington, Texas. However, there’s one thing the Lost Atlantis girls don’t know how to do and that’s take a break. Somehow, despite all of your success, you end up in a dingy Premier Inn just North of central London on a random Sunday in the beginning of July.

“If I knew you’d get free tickets to 1975 gigs, I would’ve slid into Ross’s DMs for you years ago.” You say, slicking your hair back into a low ponytail in the dim lighting of the bathroom.

“This is why I was hesitant to tell you, because now you’ve got us dressing up like we’re spy’s.” Maddie says, chuckling as she sticks a skinny black tie around her neck.

“I thought considering you’re shagging a member of the band you’d understand this but I’ll gladly explain it to you again. This is a formal situation, and there’s a dress code. It’s essentially a Matty Healy cosplay competition disguised as a concert.” You reply, exiting the bathroom and doing a spin to show Maddie your entire get up.

“I understand the whole dress code thing, what I don’t understand is why you want to follow it. All you’ve been doing for the last two months is performing and slowly falling into a downwards spiral over Matty hating you. The last thing you want to do is look like him.”

“Maddison, when will you learn? Yes, I am constantly having a mental breakdown over the fact he hates me but my power as a fan girl trumps that any day of the week. I tried getting tickets for this gig and I couldn’t, so now that God has dropped free tickets into my lap I’m going to seize this opportunity.” You respond, sitting down on the rock solid mattress probably worth about a tenner.

“That was an excellent speech, there’s a reason we make you do all the talking.” You both fall into a comfortable silence, doom scrolling until the rest of the girls are ready.

Truth be told, you were putting on a front, acting all excited to see the boys again. And you are, both because you missed them and because you’ve spent the last four years waiting to see The 1975 at Finsbury Park. Despite this, there’s still a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. The thought of seeing Matty again and once again being rejected leaves a lump the size of a golf ball in your throat. Maddie was right, you haven’t been able to enjoy the last two months of tour. Despite traveling Europe with your best mates, performing at some of the biggest stadiums in the world, you’ve only got one thing on your mind at all times. Matty.

How he brushed you off when you first met, the snarky comments made in your direction, the infuriating nickname meant to be a jab as your band name. Despite this, the thing on the forefront of your mind is the hug. You know it was a group hug that he was forced into, and knowing how he acts towards you he would have rather been standing next to anyone else. However, all you’ve been thinking about since you last saw him was the fact the area his fingers touched has been noticeably colder since he pulled away.

You’re quickly pulled out of your shame spiral by what could best be described as an assault on your hotel room door. That means one of two things, either a mob of angry fans have found where you’re staying or the girls are finally finished getting ready. Luckily for you, it’s the second one. You have about 30 minutes until you need to leave so conversation fills the room, with the dulcet sounds of Being Funny in a Foreign Language playing in the background to hype you all up. Final touches are made to hair and makeup and next thing you know, you’re all barrelling out to the streets of London.

Despite not growing up here, London feels like a second home to you. Even though you’ve been on tour most of the time, you’ve lived here since you were eighteen so navigating the streets comes with ease to you. It’s also the one place where no one cares who you are. Everyone’s so focused on themselves, they don’t pay attention to the fact that one of the biggest bands in the world is just casually walking around next to them. It’s an introvert's dream.

You eventually get to the entrance of Finsbury Park, blending in with the thousands of fans wearing the exact same thing as you. You knew these outfits would be a good idea. Bypassing the general admissions entrance, you and the girls walk over to the VIP entrance. Introducing yourselves to the security, you’re quickly escorted through the park towards the side of the main stage.

Before you even see anyone, you hear them. The rowdy conversations echoing in the corridors, long before you even get close to reaching their dressing rooms. You hear him, his laugh as George says something out of pocket. That stupid laugh that you know you’ll never get to hear unless you’re outside the room.

“Hey boys!” Ava says, entering the dressing room and making your presence known. The room erupts with cheers at your arrival. Matty seems happy, until he makes eye contact with you and his smile drops. This is going to be a long day.

When he sees you, George immediately wraps you up in a hug that makes you actively try to keep both your feet on the floor. It’s the kind of hug that makes you forget all of life’s problems. It’s the kind of hug that makes you forget that the man you’ve dreamt about since you were sixteen is currently sitting in the corner giving you a look that could burn through your scalp.

“Todays gonna be a good day, pretty girl! We’re performing at fucking Finsbury Park! I know that’s not a big deal to miss ‘I casually play Wembley Stadium’ but it’s a big deal to us.” He says, slowly putting you down. You chuckle at his slight dig at you, knowing full well he means no harm.

“Oh George, I love how you’re always here to remind me how much more successful than you I am.” You laugh, playing into the egotistical role he’s forced you into, “but seriously, this is gonna be one hell of a gig. I had tickets back for the 2020 show, but that damn covid ruined all my dreams.”

“I always forget you’re a fan. Like, it’s so weird to imagine you just casually listening to our music before you win a Grammy.” He says, sitting down on the edge of a chair and pouring a glass of water.

“I don’t listen to music before a gig, it stresses me out too much. But you know what I make sure I do before every show? Cleanse the space.” You say, pulling out a stick of incense from your bag. George gives you an apprehensive look, clearly not buying into the hippie shit you know and love. “Come on, it can’t hurt. It’s won us 2 Grammys for album of the year. You can argue with that logic.”

“Fine, but if Matty shits himself on stage it’s on you and your incense.” He laughs, holding out his lighter. You go around the room, getting some weird stares from some and knowing stares off the girls.

“Hey, don’t knock it. She forgot to do it before a show once and the sound system stopped working halfway through and a rogue pyro burnt me and I ended up in A&E at 3am. That shit works!” Moon yelled, somehow making herself louder than the countless conversations that we’re going on at the time.

Then you got to Matty, who’s been side eyeing you the entire time you’ve been walking around the room. You make sure to linger in his area for longer than the rest, aggressively cleansing him of any negative energy.

“This is the biggest gig of your life and yet I’m getting a lot of negative energy from you. Might wanna fix that before the show.” You say, refusing to make eye contact with him.

“Whatever you say, Princess.” He scoffs, you instinctively roll your eyes as the horrendous nickname before walking off towards the rest of the group.

Luckily, you could ignore the side eyes and the snarky comments by supporting all your friends. The highlight of your day being The Bleachers. You’ve known Jack and the rest of the band for years, almost as long as you’ve been in the industry, so seeing fifty thousand people yell the lyrics to their songs makes your heart swell with pride. However, nothing will beat hearing the entire crowd chant the name of Mattys mum. Knowing the entire audience is secretly there for Denise, makes you and the rest of the girls burst out with laughter.

Before the boys go on stage, you meet them all at the side. Giving each of them a hug and your best wishes for the show. You can’t hide it, your inner fan girl starts coming out at this point. You go up to Matty, trying to create some element of peace.

“Do me a favour and play Love Me?” You say, a glint of a smile on your face. He doesn’t return the favour.

“In your dreams, Princess.” He responds, before walking off to do some final preparations before heading on stage.

However, you could forget all about this when you hear the first few notes of The 1975 from Being Funny in a Foreign Language. All of a sudden, you’re no longer the lead singer of a world famous band. You’re just a girl, standing in London, watching her favourite band perform her favourite songs. All your problems wash away, and you get absorbed by the charismatic nature of Matty.

Every so often, you’d catch the eye of one of the people on stage. Throwing up a heart to Polly, blowing a kiss to George, and giving Hann an enthusiastic thumbs up. That’s until you meet eyes with Matty. Not sure what to do, you stand there staring at him. A mischievous grin falls upon his face, a smirk that’s going to haunt your dreams. And also, the first bit of actual emotion he’s shown you. You’re unsure what to think of this, until the end of Happiness comes around.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” He says into his mic, despite putting on an act his charisma is palpable. No wonder you fell for the act. “Welcome to The 1975 At Their Very Best! Now normally, we don’t take requests this early on. Especially not from blonde bimbos who think crystals do shit. However this songs a banger and you all deserve it!”

You know what’s coming next, however it’s still whiplash hearing the opening notes to Love Me. You’re not sure how to feel. On one hand, they’re playing one of your favourite songs. On the other hand, the man who you’ve considered to be your musical inspiration just called you a blonde bimbo on stage. Clearly, you’re not hiding your disappointment as well as you thought you were as you feel Maddies arms snake around your waist.

“You good?” She whispers, barely loud enough for you to hear.

“Yeah,” you nod, “I’m great.”

The rest of the show goes off without a hitch. If you ignore the comment Matty made early on in the show, you’d go as far as to say it’s the best gig you’ve ever been to. Tim Healy singing All You Need To Hear, About You with Carly at golden hour, Be My Mistake. It’s a show teenage you would’ve dreamt of seeing.

You head backstage after the show, the energy from everyone is radiant and even Matty can’t keep up his stoic demeanor. Annoyingly, his smile lights up the room and you find yourself feeling things you haven’t felt since you were in your peak tumblr days. These feelings quickly get diminished when you realise that everytime he looks at you, the light behind his eyes dwindles.

All of your fears are washed away when you hear the familiar voice of Charli. You first met six years ago, when she opened for your band on the UK/Europe leg of your second world tour. You’ve stayed close friends since, however both of your busy schedules have kept you apart. You spot her, realising she’s mid conversation with Matty and George. Deciding to talk to her later, you turn to look for one of your bandmates however fate has other plans.

“Holy shit, come over here you sexy, blonde bitch!” She yells, dragging you over to join the conversation. She pulls you into a hug that rivals George’s from earlier in the day.

“Damn, I forgot you two know each other. Don’t know how, Charli constantly reminds me that she’d leave me for you in a heartbeat.” George laughs, handing you another drink.

“I have that effect, the girlies love me.” You reply, taking the drink off George and winking at Charli. Matty scoffs.

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Matty responds, taking a sip of his drink to muffle what he was saying. It doesn’t work, silence falls over the group. The silence is palpable, until someone decides to play Boom Clap over the speakers and the group erupts into laughter.

You can’t help but feel guilty for bringing the mood down backstage. You know it’s him who started this, but you play into it. When Ava comes over to you to inform you that everyone’s going to a local bar, you decide to opt out of it. Using the excuse that you’re tired after a long day and you just want to go back to the hotel to sleep. Once you get back, the silence envelops you. You realise it’s the first time you’ve heard nothing all day. Before you knew it, tears started rolling down your face. Over analysing the day's events didn’t help. Every comment, every look, everything he’s done towards you crosses your mind, and the more you think about it the more tears stream down your face.

You did not expect sobbing in a Premier Inn to be how you end your day.

Mattys POV

The 1975 at Finsbury Park has been a long time coming, getting canceled due to Covid when it was first announced. He’s waited for years for this moment, and it’s finally arrived. He’s sat in the dressing room with the rest of the band, conversations about who knows what are flowing. The adrenaline in the room makes everyone unusually talkative.

“I’m just saying, would we be as successful if we were worms?” George said, with the most deadpan look on his face. The room erupts into laughter, joy that is only boosted when five unexpected guests walk into the room.

“Hey boys!” The drummer of Lost Atlantis, Ava Fletcher, yells over the roaring conversation. It’s all fun and games until he spots her. They’re all dressed in their best 1975 concert attire, dressed in different variations of his suit getup. It’s her outfit that catches his eye first though. Opting for a short sleeved shirt and a mini skirt that perfectly frames her body. Her blonde, curly hair pulled up into a low ponytail. She looks annoyingly beautiful.

His face drops instinctively when he sees her, refusing to have any feelings that may give his thoughts away. He recognises the disappointment on her face, and he knows it’s his fault. He can’t help but feel guilty, knowing he’s the reason she never truly has a real smile when she’s around them. Yet he’s not sure why he does it, maybe it’s because he’s been hurt by women like her before, maybe he’s afraid of rejection. Who knows?

He can pinpoint the exact moment these feelings started, he was on a night out with the boys when Ross pulled up a video on his phone. It was a video of a girl, clearly pissed out of her mind, singing the ending of Robbers. Ross informs them it’s the lead singer of Lost Atlantis, who’s apparently been very open about being a fan for years now. However, for some unknown reason he’s never seen her face. Even drunk, she’s beautiful. The way her curls perfectly frame her face, the makeup that’s clearly been smudged by a night of drunken antics, the dress that perfectly frames her figure. She’s everything and more.

Despite acting cold towards her, the secret looks still brings a smile to his face. Watching her interact with his boys as if she’s been a member of their inner circle for years. Watching her perform at Wembley, like she was made for that stage, hiding her fear with bravado and excellent stage presence. He’s never met anyone like her.

After sitting in the corner for what feels like hours, she finally walks over to him holding a stick of incense. He’s never brought into any of that shit, but when she does it it’s weirdly endearing. The fact that she’s so set in her belief system, it just makes her more beautiful.

She stays near to him for longer than she does elsewhere, giving him the opportunity to bask in his presence for a second longer. Her perfume envelops him, luring him further down the rabbit hole. She aggressively incenses the area he’s sitting.

“This is the biggest gig of your life and yet I’m getting a lot of negative energy from you.” She says, her voice acting like a siren luring him in and yet he continues to walk to the other way. “You might wanna fix that before the show.” She continues, almost at a whisper. Without warning, his trousers suddenly become two sizes too small. If she keeps acting like this, it’s going to be a very long day for him.

“Whatever you say, Princess.” He responds, clearing his throat to try and hide any arousal that the previous comment caused. Rolling her eyes in response, he can’t help but let the intrusive thoughts roll over his mind. The thought of him being the reason she’s rolling her eyes, but instead of it being out of frustration it’s when she’s lying naked underneath him. Now his trousers are three sizes too small. He watches as she struts away from him, going back into idle conversation with the rest of the boys.

He tries his hardest to ignore her the rest of the day, which is an impossible feat when she’s so unknowingly beautiful. Watching as she jumps around to The Bleachers, or whooping and cheering George on as he steps on as drummer for The Japanese House. She’s always there, just in the corner of his eyes. He knows he hasn’t had a great life, but this is a cruel act even for God.

Despite this, he manages to pull himself together by the time he needs to get on stage. Standing in the wings, silently hyping himself up, he’s joined by the rest of the band as well as the Lost Atlantis girls. They’re wrapped up in hugs, which he reciprocates for most members of the band. Before he knew it, she was standing in front of him like a sight out of a dream.

“Do me a favour and play Love Me?” She says, a smile on her face, the only smile he’ll get from her for a while. That damn smile.

“In your dreams, Princess.” He responds, knowing full well they were already planning on playing it early on in the set. The thought that maybe he’d get to see her enthusiastic reaction is the only reason he can justify his response.

He stands behind the door at the back of the stage, reveling in the cheers from fifty thousand fans standing in the field before him. The adrenaline is enough to forget everything around him, he’s no longer a love struck boy from Manchester, he’s a performer ready to put on one hell of a show for the fans who have traveled far and wide to see them.

The opening notes of The 1975 blares over the sound system, somehow still quieter than the screaming fans. He looks out, reveling in the moment of fifty thousand fans screaming along the lyrics he wrote. He also notices how she reacts to making eye contact with other members of the band. Throwing a heart up to Polly, blowing a kiss to George, and meeting his stare with a deadpan expression and quickly looking away.

The first three songs are over in a flash, and before he knows it it’s time to speak.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to The 1975 At Their Very Best! Now normally, we don’t take requests this early on. Especially not from blonde bimbos who think crystals do shit. However this songs a banger and you all deserve it!”

He’s not sure why he says it, it just slips out. This whole hating thing is way too easy to fall into. It doesn’t make seeing the look on her face any easier. The way her smile drops at what she hears is heartbreaking, turning a moment of joy into something she’ll have nightmares about. He knows the bimbo label has tormented her on the internet over the years, but he guesses hearing it on stage come from someone she’s been a fan of for years affects her differently than when it’s coming from an anonymous journalist.

He manages to put this at the back of his mind as the show goes on. And he can’t deny, despite some hiccups the show goes amazingly. Bringing his dad out for All I Need To Hear cemented this show as one for the history books, getting deservedly emotional over how far they’ve come since they were 12 playing in his mum's garage. He occasionally looks to the side of the stage, hoping to catch her eye but it never happens, either catching her eye at the wrong moment or she’s refusing to look at him for the rest of the show.

Once the show’s over, they all head backstage for a post show party. He’s dragged around left, right, and center, forced to take part in some of the most mind numbing and repetitive conversations known to man. That is, until he’s saved by George and Charli. He’d much rather be a third wheel than have corporate conversations with sleazy businessmen trying to profit off his success.

He’s too distracted to take part in the conversation though, his eyes constantly finding the cheery, blonde figure in the room. Her smile emits a light source, drawing everyone towards her including Matty. His feelings are only heightened when Charli calls her over.

“Holy shit, come over here you sexy, blonde bitch!” Charli yells, grabbing her by the forearm and dragging her over to the group and pulling her into a hug. He forgot that they knew each other, making his situation ten times more awkward.

“Damn, I forgot you two know each other. Don’t know how, Charli constantly reminds me that she’d leave me for you in a heartbeat.” George chuckles, handing her a drink that he ,not so sneakily, puts extra alcohol in.

“I have that effect, the girlies love me.” She says, looking at Charli and winking at her. A soft groan escapes his lips that he manages to cover with a cough.

“Yeah, whatever you say.” He responds, taking a sip of his drink to calm him down. An awkward silence falls over the group, no one really sure what to say in response. Luckily, someone starts blaring Boom Clap over the speakers, causing an annoyed groan to come from Charli before she starts loudly exclaiming how the song was a quote unquote “mistake”.

He jumps at the opportunity when Hann asks if he’s coming out with the rest of them to a local bar. However, when they get there he notices one person is missing from the group.

“Hey, um where’s your little friend gone?” He says to the four remaining members of Lost Atlantis.

“She’s gone back to the hotel.” Maddi responds, clearly annoyed. “She claims she’s tired, but I think it has something to do with the fact an egotistical asshole called her a blonde bimbo on stage.” A look of regret floods his eyes, he knew it would affect her but he didn’t think it would be that bad.

“Look, I'm sorry but,” he starts talking but is quickly cut off.

“We don’t care about how sorry you are, Matty. We just wanna know why you did it? You’ve been an ass to her ever since the Wembley show. She’s been nothing but nice to you, and you’ve responded by being a childish dick head.” Ava snaps, giving him a glare that resembles daggers.

“You’re in a band as well, I’m sure you understand why we’re being so protective. But whenever she’s around you, she isn’t herself and we’re not losing her over some petty grudge you hold for god knows what reason.” Moon follows up, not giving Matty enough time to respond.

“Disrespectfully, but we’ve lost all respect for you after the bimbo incident, so fuck off and leave us alone for the rest of the night.” Maddie continues, walking off before he could say anything. He walks over to a booth in the corner of the bar, cradling his drink and thinking how he’s going to grovel at her feet the next time he sees her. This self pity spiral is quickly ruined when Sienna Turner walks over and sits down next to him.

“I know why you’re acting like this.” She says, giving him a sympathetic look. “I get it, I don’t agree with the way you’re doing it, but I get it.” The confusion is obvious on his face, unsure of what the hell she is on about. “You like her, trust me I totally understand. She’s a total smoke show, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my best mate. And I get that you probably have commitment issues, you’re not the first rock star I’ve met, but being a little bitch and calling her a bimbo on stage is not the way to cope with it. You’re just getting a one way ticket into us five shunning you, and that wouldn’t be fun for you because as long as Maddie and Ross are sleeping about you’re stuck with us.” She finishes, leaving the two of them in a comfortable silence.

“I’ve been hurt before.” He starts, unsure of why he’s spilling his secrets to who is essentially a stranger but he continues anyway. “And when I first saw that video of her, drunk and singing along to Robbers, I was smitten. But I never expected to meet her in real life, I mean you girls are stars and we’re just four men in our thirties. So when I did, I panicked. I mean, she’s somehow even more beautiful in real life than she is in that video.” He chuckles, taking a sip of his drink to collect his thoughts. “You know flight or fight? My response was to be a dick, and now I’ve pushed her away and she thinks I’m an asshole which I guess I am after what I said today. It’s probably for the best, your songs are amazing but those breakup songs are brutal. I think I’d have to go into hiding if one was written about me.” He laughs, making eye contact with Sienna for the first time since the conversation started.

“I’m going to give you some advice, and don’t take this as me liking you, I’m doing it for the beautiful woman who we need to be as mentally healthy as possible because she pays my rent. She’s been hurt by men before, and I’ve just sat back and let it happen but I’m not going to do that again. Despite everything that’s gone down in the last couple of months, I want to believe that you are a good person. However you need to prove that and apologise. I know it’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but you will do whatever it takes to make her forgive you. I don’t care if you have to get on your knees and beg, next time you see her you will be a groveling little bitch.” She says, with the most serious expression on her face. He knows she isn’t joking, those girls are protective over each other and will fight heaven and earth to make sure each other is safe.

“To being a groveling little bitch.” He says, holding up his drink for a cheers. Sienna clinks her glass with his, giving him a small yet comforting smile.

As harsh as it was, he needed that reality check. And not from someone who was close to him, but from a stranger who doesn’t care about his feelings. Sienna was right, he can’t keep hurting the people around him just because he has been hurt before.

He goes back to his apartment, ready to start planning the best apology ever given. But he doesn’t know where to start, considering he writes songs for a living he can’t seem to find the right words to explain how he’s feeling without exposing all of his feelings. He decides to give up, closing his laptop and falling into his bed. Letting sleep take over him as images of her flashes in his mind.

[emeryhiro]

What are your thoughts about the whole bethyl thing? I personally saw it more as Daryl finding hope and light when he was in a place of deep despair - she showed him that there's still good to be seen in the world. And so it was a major loss to him personally when she died. Plus she helped him process part of his past trauma.

But I've seen Norman Reedus and Greg Nicotero say that while romance wasn't scripted, there was a taste of it in the air when it came to acting choices. I hate that idea bc she was a teenager and it makes me feel less good about Daryl. I guess I'd hope that if he started catching some feelings "he didn't understand" (as NR puts it), then he would see that they're too far apart in other ways for it to go beyond a father/daughter big brother/little sister sort of bond. What do you think?

Hey Anon!

Thank you for your questions 😊 I'm sorry it took me some time to respond. I just wanted to be careful with what I say and how I explain my opinion since the last thing I want to do is disregard or disrespect anyone else's opinions on the topic.

I agree with you. I always saw that the reason Daryl grew to care so much for Beth was because she gave him hope and didn't allow him to shut off from the world after he thought he'd lost everything and everyone that mattered to him. This ultimately made him feel like he owed her because she saved him, maybe not in the literal sense, but definitely mentally. Her persistence ultimately leads him to finding everyone again.

Only hours before having to be on the run with Beth, Rick had told Daryl about how he'd sent Carol away for killing Karen and David, and we saw how defeated that made Daryl feel. Realising that Carol had to shoulder that responsibility on her own and that he wasn't able to be there to stand up for her put him in a really bad place mentally.

This guilt was then compounded by the governor returning to the prison and killing Hershel infront of everyone, and the guilt that Daryl felt for giving up his search for Governor, which in his mind was the reason Hershel died and they lost the prison.

So all these things combined meant that Daryl felt responsible for EVERYTHING that had just happened TO EVERYONE. And no one was there to help him sholder that pain and responsibility.

Ultimetly his instincts kick in, all the walls that he'd slowly been breaking down come right back up, and he starts to go cold again just to numb himself from everything he's feeling.

And this is where Beth came in. Firstly, her innocence and optimism was the only thing stopping Daryl from completely shutting off from the world. She kept reminding him that the other's could have made it and that if they got out then odds are others must have as well. And secondly, she kept him busy, she was something that needed his protection and that gave him porpose and a reason to keep going.

After Beth gets taken, Daryl ends up with The Claimers, who he thinks are exactly the type of people he deserves to be around, because (in his mind) he can't seem to be capable of keeping and protecting anything good that comes his away, but by some miracle he's reunited with Rick, Carl and Michonne again, and this is where he realises that Beth was right, and if Rick and co have made it then it probably means others have as well.

I think this moment above was the beginning of Daryl starting to believe that he has value again. Rick's words begin to soften him again, but even after reuniting with almost everyone again, we don't actually see Daryl's guard come down until this moment below.

Every single shield/wall he'd been putting up until now is instantly shattered. He's completely exposed in this moment. His mind and body take a few seconds to register what his eyes are seeing and what his heart is feeling, and he's instantly running to Carol and into her arms without any other thought. This is the moment we can get a true reading of his feelings.

Regarding how he felt for Beth...

Yes, I think there may have been some confusion from Daryl's side about what he was feeling for Beth, just like how Norman has described it previously; he cared for Beth, she was nice to him, and that was so rare in his life that he misread the whole situation and couldn't interpret what he was actually feeling. In my opinion, there was no romantic feeling or intent on either side; they were both just navigating a new form of friendship that they'd never experienced before. And if I had to, I'd compare his relationship with Beth to his relationship with Lydia. To put it very simply, he felt responsible for protecting these young girls who, at the time, had no one else on their side, and ultimately, both girls saved him in return and looked up to him as a role model.

~~~~

Thanks again for the questions 🩵 I really hope I did this justice because my main goal is to keep my blog a positive place for everyone.

I know there are many varying opinions on this topic, but I'm glad I got the chance to share mine, and I just wanted to once again say that this is my opinion and not meant to invalidate anyone else's 🩵

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Rem's Last Words

[ID: A panel from Trigun Maximum Volume 14. Against a blank white background, Rem stands, holding young Vash's hands, who leans back against her, looking at Knives with a smile. Young Knives stands next to them, smiling back and winking. Rem's voice says "Vash... don't leave Knives on his own." End ID.]

Rem's last words to Vash are never going to fail to completely mess me up. It totally changes the context of the twins' prior scenes.

All that time, that 80 years spent with Knives after the Big Fall, slowly growing to resent him more and more... do you think, even though he said the noise was such that he didn't hear her words, that somehow the message got through to him anyways? That Vash felt compelled to stay because this was his brother, and because Rem asked? And because Vash eventually swore to take down Knives in her name and for all those lost in July... do you think that counts as the breach of her ideals and memory he was so afraid of committing all along?

But could Vash really have been expected to stay with Knives when Knives took every opportunity to pull up a wall between them? Was Vash really in any state to have helped Knives the way Knives so desperately needed? I think, honestly, that this was a bit of an unfair request for Rem to make of Vash. But what else could she do?

She knew she probably wasn't going to make it out of there. She knew Knives wasn't ok. She may have even known that it was Knives who caused the Fall in the first place. But more than any of that, she knew that neither of these boys were ready to be left all alone in this world that they were both still so desperately afraid of.

I find it fascinating that Rem phrased it as "Don't leave Knives on his own" rather than "make sure you and Knives stick together" or that sort of thing. No matter how you look at it, it does appear to put responsibility on Vash for Knives, rather than a mutual "look out for each other" request. I have a suggestion for why she might've said this instead of the more mutual alternative.

We know Knives did not get any of the healing that he needed, and Rem was aware of this. He was keeping it all inside, and rapidly walling himself off. Rem, faced with the reality that she didn't have enough time to offer him the support that he needed, can only hope that he wouldn't close himself off from the one other person who had a chance of understanding him. Knives can't be alone, or he will spiral even worse.

And Vash? Well, I think it's easy to say that he was in a better place mentally than Knives, and while that may have been the case, it still doesn't mean he was in any way "recovered" from that trauma; how could one be? The only thing Rem promised him was that they would see the world together - that she would show him that the world wasn't full of terrible people. But they never actually got to do that - Vash was a suicidal child hanging onto her hopeful words and the emotional honesty she'd shown him thus far as a reason to keep trying, as a promise - and now, Rem finds herself having to break it. So, what will keep Vash going when she's gone? Having someone to look out for might do it, especially since young Vash is already shown in the flashbacks to be very "other" focused - note his other directed speech when speaking to Rem, and the way he seems more comfortable around Conrad when he shows acceptance of Knives. Rem probably knew that Vash was far more likely to look out for himself, paradoxically, if he had someone else to look out for.

[ID: Two panels from Trigun and Trigun Maximum. The first is from Trigun Volume 2, and shows young Vash with arms outstretched, his back to the reader, looking at Rem, hands in her pockets and smiling. They are against a white background, as young Vash says "Rem! Rem! I want to stay with you! You won't be all alone!" The second is from Trigun Maximum Volume 7, and shows young Knives, who quietly says "Ah," as he starts to cry. Young Vash approaches and puts his arm around Knives neck, who is still sobbing. He smiles and says "Thank you Mr. Conrad." End ID.]

Rem's last words, then, were intended to a) make sure Knives would have someone who could stick with him and help him where she didn't have the time to, and b) provide Vash with a purpose so that he will keep himself going.

Unfortunately, this didn't work at all the way she'd intended. Knives' unintentional killing of Rem (and I stand by the notion it was unintentional) messed him up even worse and forced him to fully take on the stance of hatred against all humanity in order to cope with the guilt, throwing a huge wedge between him and Vash, so stricken by grief and blindsided by his brother's actions that he'd throw himself into trying to be as much like (ideal) Rem, and as little like Knives, as possible. Knives spends the story desperately wanting Vash (or his ideal of him anyways) to stay with him in order to cure the loneliness he feels from being all alone, and Vash spends the story eternally guilt-ridden, taking on the blame and responsibility for his brother's actions.

And the tragedy to me is that you can't say any of this was for a lack of Rem trying. She just didn't have enough time to minimize the damage caused by the trauma of Tesla and her discovery. She just wanted them to at least have each other, and that... was the only thing, asides from "don't say you'd rather die", that she actually asked of Vash. Fucked up!!!

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

How would the ros react to mc wanting to break things off in the relationship stage?

So very sorry I took forever to answer this!

Oh how you hurt me, I like a pinch of angst but break ups always wreak me. Kinda funny since I have actually never been through one myself yet.

Their specific reactions I gotta keep saved for when I present this option in game but for now I will summarize.

Cassandra: Hurt but much too prideful to show it. She is calm and collected as she calmly asks why and if there is anything that can be done to avoid this. If there is no saving the relationship she thanks you for the time/memories you have given her, she then bids you farewell and wishes you the best. She will be a crying mess in private and her dad will take her out hunting to comfort her, he may or not tell her to visualize that she is shooting you instead. It will take time but she will eventually move on, however MC will sadly always be her first love.

Valeria: Tries to reason with you and begs you not to go. Cries a whole lot and yells for you just to leave then, before she calls her brothers. MC better not come around her village anymore, Valeria is the town's ray of sunshine and nobody will tolerate you breaking her heart. Her brother's least of all, it's on sight if they see you. The breakups hurt lingers for majority of the following year, Valeria is young and like young people do; she does eventually grows up. She moves on in time and finds someone else, her time with MC was a learning experience. One she does grow from because the next time MC sees her she will be tougher, less naive and trusting.

Tomas: For the love of God, please do not break my son's heart. I honestly don't even want to think about this but if he let you in and you decide to leave? Congrats, you are an asshole and just cemented the fact that he will never be vulnerable or let anybody else in for the rest of his life. Assuming you did not cheat on him; he will hate you but still long for you. He keeps everything he has of you and curses your name as he holds the last remaining bits of your memory for dear life. He would take you back in a heartbeat, curses God while silently praying you would change your mind and come back home to him. If you did cheat?... You are absolutely dead to him. He loathes you and curses the day he ever met you, prays daily for your demise.

-

Ludovica: My poor brain child. Begs you not to go and promises to do absolutely anything you could ever ask of her, if it means you will stay. MC was the last light in her life, the one she prayed for. The knight in shining armor who was supposed to save her and love her truly. She always knew deep down that those sort of fairy tales were mere fantasy but she really saw you as something right out of a storybook. If MC leaves her after she lets them in, she would probably have a really bad mental break as you just shattered her hopes and dreams. Her servants would become her caretakers as she would likely become completely catatonic as a result.

Aurelio: Doesn't seem too bothered, looks somewhat disappointed but honestly understands. He wishes you well and lets you go, the local news for the next couple of months will be filled with his scandalous escapades as he tries to take his mind off of you the only way he knows how. Him and relationships never last so he can't say he is exactly surprised but he is hurting because he had really hoped this time would be different. He really did like you.

Elio: Um, you taught him how to feel emotions and truly love another person besides himself; and now you wanna leave? That's cute, you might think your relationship is over but he sure as hell doesn't. He will follow you around like a lost puppy and act as if you never wanted to end things, flat out ignores you when you mention breaking up. In time, he might let some physical distance grow between you; he might even let you think you 'fell in love' with someone else. But he knows you're still his, and soon you will too.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

With you, everything's okay (USWNT x ADHD Reader)

This is part 3 of the ADHD reader series. It's kinda long, but hope you enjoy!

Part one

Part two

Words: 4.6K

Due to the Adderall shortage I didn't have much of my medication, which was not great. I was supposed to get a refill a couple of days ago, but I wasn't able to yet. It could be a few days, weeks or months until I got more. Given what's been on the news, it was something I had anticipated so I had a few days worth for when I really needed it. I had a doctors appointment next week to try figure out a different medication, but I was almost tempted to just not do it. When I first got medication for my ADHD it was a long process of dose adjustments, and dealing with side effects. It was mentally and physically draining. It was something I didn't really want to go through again. The headaches and sleepless nights when I didn't take it were bad enough. Though I didn't know how I would cope long term without it. 

We had just started another month long camp which made this whole thing just a bit more difficult. Ally wasn't with me and I wasn't sure if or when she would be able to visit. For now I was trying to distract myself. I had spent hours so far scouring the internet and going from jeweler to jeweler with Ali trying to find the perfect ring for Ally. None of them were good enough or matched who Ally was. She didn't like fancy rings with big stones or really any stones. She preferred more plain, flush bands with maybe a tiny stone. Ally deserved more than a plain band though. I just had to find the perfect one. 

For the third or maybe fourth time I had dragged Ali out shopping with me. It had probably been hours and I still hadn't found anything that was right. I was starting to get frustrated when Ali literally dragged me away from the mall to the park across the road. 

"You need to take a break."

"But-"

"No, you're getting frustrated and irritable so we're taking a break."

My eyes started to water as I hid my face in my hands, "I just want to find the ring she deserves Ali."

Ali sat down beside me, pulling me into her side, "I know and we will. It'll just take some time, it's only been a few weeks since you got engaged. Have you looked into custom design rings?"

I had gotten Ally a cheap ring in the mean time, but I hated that she had to wait for a proper one. "I didn't even think of that."

We went back to the hotel after getting lunch. Since Ali mentioned it, I was itching to look into designer rings. I had briefly on my phone, but Ali quickly stopped me so I would actually eat. It was a free day so I locked myself in my room quickly going down the rabbit hole of custom rings. I spent hours comparing different companies and small businesses, calling or emailing them to figure out more around pricing and what type of designs they could do. I ended up finding a small business that could get it done in about 2-3 weeks once the design was decided on. 

The design was the next thing I got lost in. I wanted to get it done as soon as possible so Ally could finally get the ring to go with the proposal. There were a couple of ideas that I was playing around with, but it was hard to choose just one. I don't know how long it had been when my phone rang breaking me out of my fixation. Of course it was a facetime from Ally, her ringtone always brought me back to reality. 

Hey baby

Hi

What's got you so distracted that you didn't even look at me? I miss my beautiful smile

I laughed, quickly glancing at her, involuntary smile stretching across my face,Nothing, sorry

Right, I'll pretend I believe you. Did you eat?

It's not dinner yet

Baby, it's 9pm where you are.

No it's no- Oh shit, I got distracted

Ally giggled, the sound making my heart skip a beat. I wished she was here. I figured, Ali is going to bring you something since I know you won't leave whatever it is you're doing.

Thank you Al. Can I ask you something?

Anything

If you had to pick one thing from our relationship, date, holiday, whatever really, what's your favourite thing?

That's a hard one. Do you remember our snowboarding trip?

Our first trip together was a snow boarding trip. We hadn't been together very long and we ended up getting snowed in with no power for 2 nights. All we could do was read, cuddle, play board games, talk and try to keep the fire going. Ally and I had connected from the start, but that trip was a sort of turning point in our relationship. We got to know each other on a deeper level, telling each other all the intimate and deep parts of ourselves. That was when I told her about my adhd, my family, how they acted and how I felt growing up. 

It was the first time I ever cried in front of her. There had been a sense of shame wash over me. I wasn't one to cry in front of people, it had been ingrained in me since I was young. Ally had just held me tightly, whispering reassurances then making me laugh harder then I had in a long time. She had never judged me about anything. Sure, occasionally she would tell me I was being stupid, but she always had my back.

Where's that head of yours baby?

Sorry, I was just thinking back to that trip. It was a disaster, but I loved that trip.

Me too. I think that's my favourite

There was a knock on the door before I could reply. My stomach growled when I saw the food Ali was holding. I hadn't realised how hungry I actually was. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have eaten if Ali hadn't shown up with food,  "Thank you Ali."

"You're welcome. I'm just glad someone could get through to you. We've all been texting and calling you, even knocked on the door. We figured you were asleep or completely zoned out."

"You got Ally to call me?"

"She was already going to. I just asked if she had heard from you. I didn't want to wake you up if you were asleep, I know the last couple of days have been hard."

"I appreciate that. I got stuck into that thing we were talking about. I'll show you later."

Ally and I continued to talk while I kept working on the design and she started to fall asleep. I stayed on the phone with her even after she fell asleep. We had always slept on facetime together when we were apart. It made us feel closer when we couldn't be. 

By time 4am rolled around I had finally finished the design idea. I had done a rough sketch, but also described my idea so the person could adjust if needed to what they could do. My design idea was mountains that wrapped around the entire band. A textured sky to resemble a snowy day with a small set diamond to look like the moon and hopefully someway to make the mountains look like it was covered in snow. I didn't know if it was completely possible, but even something remotely like that would be okay. I quickly sent it off before I could overthink and change my mind. I was very glad that we had another day off tomorrow. 

---

"Ally!" I ran, jumping in her arms and hugging her tightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I would surprise you again."

"Not that I don't love that you're here, but aren't you busy at work?"

"I am, but I can work remotely now."

"You can? Wait, you got the promotion?" Ally nodded, huge smile on her face as I picked her up and spun her around, kissing her hard. "Oh my god, this is amazing. You are amazing. I am so fucking proud of you Ally."

The girls wandered into the lobby, greeting Ally with quick hugs, "Guys! Ally got the promotion!"

Some of the girls practically jumped on Ally telling her how proud they were. They had even dragged her out for dinner that night saying that we had to celebrate her achievement. Some even going as far as doing speeches. I loved how much they adored Ally, how they had welcomed her into the team without hesitation. 

We were lying in bed that night, wrapped up in each other. I brushed a piece of hair out of her face before kissing her softly, "I really am so proud of you Ally. You're amazing. You've worked so hard for this, you deserve this."

"Thank you Y/n. I couldn't have done it without your love and constant support even if my job bores you."

"Yeah well, for you I will go through all the boring shit in life a million times over." I kissed her softly before sighing, "I'm sorry Al."

Ally's forehead creased as her eyebrows drew together, "What are you apologising for?"

"I'm sorry that it's been weeks since I proposed and I haven't gotten you a proper ring yet. You deserve the perfect ring and I'm sorry you don't have it yet."

She smiled softly, cupping my cheek and making me look at her, "Do you remember what I said when you asked me to marry you?" I shook my head. All I remembered was her saying yes and being very excited. "I told you that I don't care about a ring and I meant it. If this was the only ring you got me, I wouldn't care. All I care about is being with you okay?"

"I love you Ally so fucking much. I just- Your ring is on the way, I just don't know when it'll get here."

"It's okay, I already know I'll love it."

---

Arms wrapped around me from behind, kisses being placed along my jaw. I turned my head, connecting our lips in a long kiss as I pulled her round to my lap. Ally squealed against my lips, giving me the opportunity to slip my tongue into her mouth. A breathy moan slipped from Ally as our tongues met. After a couple of seconds, Ally's fingers dug into my shirt as she pushed me away, "We're in the meal room."

"That can be changed besides no one else is here."

"I have a meeting in half an hour so stop being a horndog and show me what had you so focused."

"You can't blame me, you know what your work clothes do to me." 

I had been looking at different wedding themes on Pinterest, but I was struggling to find ones that might actually suit Ally and I. We were very simple people, we didn't need anything fancy to be happy. We weren't traditional either. It was something we used to make jokes about, how we would go the complete opposite way, have some random colour instead of white, casual clothes and a barbeque. Just one big party. I didn't know what we were actually going to do. When we talked about it, it was just an idea, far off in the future. Now it was a reality and I was so excited to marry Ally. I knew we actually had to talk about when we wanted to do it, but I couldn't wait to marry her. 

I turned my computer so Ally could see, "Anyway, I'm looking at wedding ideas. We should talk about when we want to do it, soon, sooner, soonish, far away, somewhere in the middle. I mean, I'm really fucking excited to marry you, but if you wan-"

"Okay baby, take a breath. You just named three times that are pretty much the same and aren't actually times."

"Sorry, I'm just excited. You know I never thought I would want to get married, let alone be this excited about it."

Ally wrapped her arms around me, kissing my temple, "I know Y/n/n. Don't apologise for being excited, I never meant to make it sound like a bad thing. Trust me, I can't wait to marry you and I love that you are excited to marry me, I would be kind of mad if you weren't."

I giggled, nuzzling my nose against her neck, "So what do you think?"

"Well, I think the sooner the better."

"Exactly what I was thinking. The more I look, the more I'm convinced on a court house wedding. It's such a process."

"A court house wedding would be a lot easier."

"No! you can't have a court house wedding," Kelley yelled making us jump and me glare at her. 

---

Today was the worst day yet without my meds. I was exhausted, my head hurt, I was irritable beyond belief, every little sound or touch felt a hundred times worse and I couldn't focus on anything. There had been a very small handful of times in our relationship that I couldn't handle Ally's touch, this was one of those times. It always made me feel like shit, guilty that my own girlfriend couldn't even touch me. That didn't help me feel any better. Ally was always so understanding about it all, reassuring me that it was okay and dealing with my over touching afterwards to make up for it. Today was no different, Ally had been amazing, giving me space, reassuring me.

Ally had brought me lunch so I wouldn't have to be around the team. We were sitting on the floor in silence after eating. Normally, just being near Ally would help but everything was starting to get too overwhelming. I felt like I was about to explode, like any second I would break. And I did. I didn't mean for it to happen, things just boiled over. Ally suggested we go for a walk, she knew it would help, so did I but I couldn't bring myself to leave the room. I ended up snapping at her.

"Come on Y/n/n, you know it'll help."

"Just give it a rest! I don't need you pestering me, I'm not a child, I'm an adult, I can handle this myself. Just back off."

Ally just looked at me for a second before getting up and walking out. I buried my hands in my hair, pulling slightly. Maybe it wasn't the most healthy thing, but it helped ground me. Well normally it would. It helped enough to snap me out of it and realised I fucked up, "Fuck."

Tears fell before I could stop them as I curled up in a ball and cried. I had never snapped at Ally like that before. Sure we had fights occasionally, but there was never yelling. I cried and sobbed, letting everything from the last week or so out. Being off my meds was exhausting, physically but mostly mentally. My mind was almost constantly a mess. It took me back to how I felt growing up. Like I was annoying, a burden, stupid. That the people around me only put up with me because they had to. Ally included. 

Once the tears finally stopped, I just lay there staring at the celling. It's like I was stuck there, I knew I had to go find Ally, but I couldn't move. The door opened then I felt someone sit down next to me. I knew it wasn't Ally, she always wore a perfume that I would recoganise instantly. 

"What's going on Y/n/n?" Christens soft voice filled the silence.

"It's too much. I-I don't know if I can handle this. I'm just a burden to everyone around me. I fucked up, Ally hates me. It's just too much Chris."

"Y/n Y/l/n you are not a burden. I know things are hard without your medication, but that does not mean you are a burden. We love you, we are here for you okay? I know it's hard, I know it feels overwhelming, but we've got you. We've always got you Y/n. Ally could never hate you, she loves you. Did something happen with her?"

"I fucked up. I snapped at her when she was just trying to help. I've never done anything like that before. I fucked up Chris," My voice cracked, tears somehow welling up again. 

Christen pulled me into her. I didn't fight it, instead gripping her shirt tightly as sobbed wracked through me again. She rubbed my back, whispering quiet reassurances. Eventually Christen moved, being replaced by someone else who held me tight, hand slipping under my shirt and drawing patterns along my skin. Perfume overtook my senses, that sweet perfume I knew so well. I sobbed harder, gripping her shirt as if my life depended on it. In a way it did. I couldn't imagine my life without Ally in it. She understood me in a way no one else did, she knew how to calm me down, how to support me, how to make me laugh. Most importantly she loved me despite my flaws. 

"I'm sorry Ally, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I'm so-"

"Shhh, it's okay, I've got you baby, I've got you."

It took a while, but eventually the tears stopped. I sat up, moving away from Ally to sit against the bed. I felt myself go numb. Over the years, it had become my way to protect my self when things, especially emotions got too much. It hadn't happened in a while. Things were never too much when Ally was around, it was manageable. Right now I didn't know where we stood and I was scared.  

I felt two warm hands cup my cheeks and soft lips press against my forehead, "Don't do that. Don't blank out on me. Come back to me."

"W-what are you doing here?"

"Chris texted, she was worried about you, said you needed me."

"You came even after I said what I did."

Ally laced her fingers with mine, "Of course I did. While I didn't appreciate what happened, I know you didn't mean it. Besides, you needed me. I will always be there for you when you need me."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, I was just so overwhelmed. I don't know if I can do this Al. It's just so much."

She pulled me up, wrapping me tightly in her arms then guiding me so we were cuddled in bed, "I know it's hard baby, I know it's frustrating, but we've got this. I'm right here by your side every step of the way, I'm not going anywhere."

"We're okay?"

"We're okay baby. You owe me a massage though, when you're feeling better to make up for this."

I chuckled, cuddling into her side, my eyes getting heavy, "Deal. I love you Al."

"I love you Y/n. Try and get some sleep. I'm finished work for the day. Chris is going to bring dinner for us a bit later."

---

The ring had just arrived at the hotel and I was scared to open it. I ran straight up to Ali, pulling her away much to the confusion of Ally and everyone else. I shoved the package at her, making her stumble back a bit.

"Calm down a bit Y/n/n. What is it?"

"The ring. Can you open it? I'm kinda scared."

Ali carefully opened the package then the box. I was way more nervous than I expected to be. I had spent so long trying to find the perfect ring, I guess I was worried this wouldn't be it, that it wasn't anything close to what I was hoping for.

"This is beautiful Y/n. It's perfect."

I slowly took the box from Ali, freezing when I saw it. It was exactly what I had envisioned. Seeing the ring felt like a weight had been lifted. After spending so much time searching, I finally had the ring Ally deserved. Thoughts of her not liking it tried to creep in, but I managed to push them away. I knew Ally would like it. "It's exactly what I wanted. It came out way better than I expected."

"So are you just going to give it to her? Or do another proposal?"

"I'm not sure. I was kind of thinking about proposing again just for the fun of it. The original proposal wasn't that special."

"I think you'll find to Ally it was. Even if it wasn't extravagant, it was just the two of you. Personal and intimate." 

"Probably. Let's be honest, I just want to spoil her. Can you hold onto this for me? I'm terrified of losing it."

Ali wrapped her arm around me, trying not to laugh, "Of course I will. Let me know if you need help planning it. Let's get back before they start to question it."

Ally was going to say yes. Knowing that let the excitement bubble up instead of the nerves. I was incredibly excited to propose to her, the plan was already coming together in my mind. I didn't want to wait, all going well it was going to happen tonight. 

Once we got back, I beelined to Ally, "I have two questions. First, will you go on a date with me tonight? Second, do you want to go make out?"

"Yes and definitely yes."

---

Since we started dating, picnics were a big part of our relationship. We both had jobs that meant we dealt with a lot of people. Picnics were the way we escaped reality and people without being inside or around our flat mates at the time. I figured there was no better place to propose then on a picnic. 

Because our date was last minute and we had practice today, I hadn't had enough time to set up the picnic. Ali had agreed to set up the picnic while I took Ally bowling. She loved bowling and it gave time to set everything up. Ally had won by a lot which was not a surprise, I sucked at bowling. Of course she had gloated about it, but with the proud smile she wore, I couldn't even be annoyed. 

Before we left, I had texted Ali to make sure everything was set up so we didn't get there too early. I was driving when the reply came in. Ally went to check like normal, but I quickly stopped her, much to her confusion. 

"You can't check that one, it'll ruin the surprise." I pulled over checking the message, making sure to hide it from Ally. Thankfully she didn't question it. 

Ali: Food took longer then planned, just picked it up, need 10 minutes to finish everything. Also found the perfect place to film it.

Ally was wearing a grey sweater, white blouse underneath with the collar showing and black jeans. I don't know what it was, but I found her incredibly attractive when she wore stuff like that. It was mostly for work which is why I got kicked out when she was working. I couldn't keep my hands to myself. "So we need to kill 10 minutes. You look incredibly beautiful so lets make out." 

"Yeah okay."

Ali had set up a blanket on the beach with candles, rose petals and a small speaker for music. Instead of doing the classic picnic foods, I got Ali to pick up some Thai food because it was Ally's favourite and another one of our traditions. 

I watched Ally's eyes light up as we approached the picnic, "Baby, this is beautiful. How did you set this up?"

"I may have gotten Ali to help set it up. You like it?"

"You don't even have to ask, I love everything you do. This is perfect baby. Is that Thai? I'm starving."

I had planned to do the proposal first for 3 reasons. I was terrified of losing the ring, it was likely I would get more nervous as time went on and Ali was waiting to film it. "It is, you need to wait a minute before we eat."

I found the ring before taking Ally's hand, "Growing up I never thought I would find someone who loved me so unconditionally, who loved me as I was. Who would stick by me and support me through everything. But I did. I found you and I never want to lose you. I want you, no I need you by my side for the rest of my life. I love you Ally, more than you will ever know. I know you've already said yes, but I wanted to do this properly." I sunk down on one knee, opening the box, "Will you marry me Ally?"

"Yes, a million times yes." I easily slipped the ring onto her finger watching her eyes widen as she looked at the ring closer. "Holy shit Y/n, this is amazing. Where did you find it?"

"I designed it. It's based on the snowboarding trip."

"Just when I thought I couldn't love you more, you prove me wrong. You are amazing baby. Words can't describe how much I love this. I want this to be my wedding ring as well. It's too perfect to just be an engagement ring. Is that allowed?"

"We can do whatever we want. Ali filmed that by the way, I wanted it for our memories." 

---

Ally and I were looking at wedding ideas together for the first time. At first I was slightly worried that we weren't going to be on the same page, that it might cause fights. I had seen it happen to couples before. I quickly realised that it was a pointless worry, we were on the same page about everything so far. We wanted simple, non-traditional. 

We had started looking at things we would need for the wedding, such as the venue and catering. Everything we had looked at so far was expensive, which I guess wasn't that much of a surprise, everyone always says weddings are expensive. 

I sighed, pushing the laptop away and turning to Ally, "Why are weddings so expensive? Like I know we can afford it, but it just seems like a waste."

"I know, it's just one day, we could use that money towards our honeymoon or a house."

I straddled Ally, hiding my face against her shoulder. As much as I loved planning things, without my meds, even that was slightly overwhelming after a bit of time. There were so many options and things to consider, "We could do a backyard wedding. Ali and Ash might let us use their place if we asked nice enough."

"Of course we would." I jumped, turning around to find them both standing there. 

"I swear the word wedding is like a magnet for all of you. Every time it's mentioned, someone shows up."

"Well you guys keep talking about it in places where there's a high likely hood of someone being around. Anyway, we would love to have your wedding at our place if that's what you wanted."

Reluctantly, I climbed off Ally, moving to stand by Ali and Ash, "You would really do that for us?"

Ali smiled softly, pulling me in for a hug, "Of course we will kiddo. You're family. You're family too Ally."

I noticed Ally trying to hide her smile. No matter how much they showed they loved her or treated her like part of the team, I still got the same warm, almost ecstatic feeling. To me the team was family. The fact that they saw Ally as family was really important to me. "We're not planning anything over the top or even overly traditional, just simple with friends and family."

"Are your parents going to be there?" Ashlyn tried to hide the annoyance in her voice when mentioning my parents, but it didn't work. I wasn't surprised by it, when they found out what it was like for me growing up, they were pissed. 

I had opened up to them about a lot of things, especially Ali, but besides vague information about how they treated me, my parents never really came up. "No, I um cut them off about 3 years ago. They were just destroying my mental health. Ally's parents will be there though, they pretty much took me in."

"They like you more than me sometimes."

"Well we can't wait to meet them."

[rainbowfey]

08 Chopping and Piling Wood

@flufftober

The first he heard of his foe was a high-pitched buzzing close to his ear. He whirled around, his hand lifted, ready to strike at any moment. But behind him was nothing than the endless green and brown of the forest. With a sigh, he let his hand sink down and hesitated before he finally turned back around and started following the path again that led him to the place of a person who was an arguably even bigger foe than the one he had just heard approaching. He scrunched up his nose at the thought of what awaited him in the depths of the forest. But before he could linger at this thought any longer, he heard the buzzing sound again, this time so close that it made his skin crawl. He jumped forward, flailing with his arms in hopes to avoid the unavoidable but the sudden onset of itching proved him wrong.

When Giyuu finally reached the edge of the clearing a while later, he had already given up on the hope of not becoming mosquito prey for once. His whole body itched, even on spots where he would not have thought it to be possible that mosquitoes would break through. Somehow, those damn things seemed to not only have taken a liking to his blood but they also seemed to have obtained a foolproof sense of where they could bite and sting him, no matter what he did to prevent it. Even Shinobu’s anti-bug spray – that she had only very begrudgingly given him – had shown no effect. If anything, it had only made the mosquitoes more aggressive.

A loud thud snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked up. He had not even noticed that he had come to a halt at the edge of a clearing, standing around lost in his thoughts. Now, he shook his head and brought his attention to the sight before him. Since he had never been here before, he had not had a mental image of what this place would look like – but somehow, it seemed very fitting. Before him, a wooden cabin sat at the other end of the clearing. It was fairly big, considering that it had been built by only one set of hands. The walls were made of honey-colored wood and, lined with bushes and small patches that seemed to grow vegetables, it did look rather inviting. A stone chimney was nestled in the shingles of the roof and Giyuu nodded to himself at the thought of a cozy fireplace to keep the cabin warm. He slowly meandered across the clearing, soaking up every detail. In some way, he was surprised by how warm and put together everything looked. This did not fit with his image of the person who had created this home all by himself.

He winced when another thud echoed through the forest. If he was not mistaken, it came from somewhere behind the cabin, probably at the other end of the clearing. His calm grew wings and flew away as he thought to recognize the aggressive nature behind the thuds. He slowed down, dreading to walk around the corner of the cabin. Instead, he carefully tiptoed closer, hoping that he would not instantly be noticed. He waited for the next thud and when it came, he peered around the corner.

Behind the cabin was a stretch of land that seemed to serve as a garden that reached the forest edge. And in the middle of it, Giyuu saw a tree stump – and behind it, a very familiar figure that lifted an axe high up in the air before bringing it down on a piece of wood, chopping it cleanly in half. Giyuu held his breath when the man turned a bit until he could see his face.

It took Giyuu a moment to realize what caused the strange feeling in his stomach at this sight. Of course, he recognized Sanemi’s white hair and his prominent scars in an instant. But what he had not expected was the calm and placid look of his face. His normally bloodshot eyes looked way less irritated, his brows arched in a relaxed manner and for once, his features did not look tense with rage. Instead, Sanemi looked like an entirely different person when he calmly set the split wood aside and picked up another piece of wood, placing it on the tree stump before raising his axe high into the air again.

And suddenly, Giyuu was uncomfortably aware that he was intruding on something that was not meant for his eyes to see. While he contemplated whether he should quietly steal away and wait for Sanemi to show up at another place, his gaze absentmindedly wandered over Sanemi’s shoulders down to his chest. And with a start, he realized that Sanemi was shirtless, revealing even more of his impressive build than usual. Giyuu stopped dead in his tracks and suddenly he was not sure anymore what he had thought about only a moment before. His eyes fixed on Sanemi, he watched as the axe came down another time, producing another thump. Giyuu’s mouth felt dry when Sanemi bent down and grabbed another piece of wood from the shrinking pile next to the tree stump, his muscles moving under his skin. Watching him, Giyuu absentmindedly thought to himself that Sanemi’s body looked like a stone carver had crafted it as his masterpiece. Mesmerized, he stared at his broad shoulders that tensed up for a moment as Sanemi wielded the axe.

He was so lost in thought that it took him a while to realize that he had not heard the characteristic thump in quite some time. Reluctantly, he tore his eyes off Sanemi’s upper body – and froze when his eyes met Sanemi’s gaze who stared directly at him. Giyuu’s heart stopped and his face started burning when a million thoughts at once raced through his head, the loudest one of them being ‘fuck’. He quickly contemplated just turning around and pretending that nothing had happened – only to run away and bury himself somewhere deep in the woods so that he would never have to see Sanemi again – but Sanemi’s expression made it clear that he would not get far.

So, Giyuu took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and forced a casual expression to his face. Slowly, as if he had not just felt the sudden urge for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, he walked towards Sanemi who looked at him with an expression he could not place. The only thing he could clearly see was that any calm had vanished from Sanemi’s face as if it had never been there in the first place.

“Uh, hi,” Giyuu said not very eloquently when he had come a bit closer.

Sanemi stared at him wordlessly, not moving a muscle – muscles that were well defined as Giyuu noticed while walking closer. Sanemi’s body was covered in a thin layer of sweat that made his scars shimmer. Giyuu swallowed hard and quickly looked back at Sanemi’s face that still did not show any emotion which made his heart beat even faster. He glanced at Sanemi’s hand that was still holding the axe and Giyuu decided to stop a few steps away from Sanemi, just in case.

He nervously wrecked his brain for something to say and finally came up with, “Beautiful cabin you have here.”

He instantly regretted it as Sanemi’s face now took on an almost murderous look. Giyuu could not help but notice that his grip of the axe tightened and when Sanemi spoke up, he winced. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Giyuu stared at him helplessly. He was sure that he had had a reason to come here but somehow, he could not remember it anymore. Spellbound by Sanemi’s dark eyes, he squirmed and desperately searched his brain for the answer. When he saw Sanemi’s expression growing even angrier, he quickly said, “I … I don’t remember.”

That was very obviously the wrong thing to say as Sanemi looked like he was about to throw the axe at him. Giyuu nervously raised his hands in defeat and stuttered, “I - I’m sorry. I promise I had a reason! I just don’t remember it right now.”

Sanemi did not seem to believe him and Giyuu eyed his surroundings for cover. In a training fight, Sanemi was a formidable opponent already but right now and with the axe in hand, he was downright terrifying. Giyuu’s heart beat so fast as if it was about jump right out of his chest and he desperately asked himself whether he would be able to get away quick enough before he ended up with Sanemi’s axe in the back of his head.

And before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Please don’t throw your axe at me!”

The words had just left his mouth when Giyuu already cursed at himself for it. If anything, he had now given Sanemi the idea. He quickly lifted his hands, trying to shield at least his face before the impact. He flinched when instead, he heard a weird noise. Scared, he peeked through his hands – and managed to catch a twitching of the corner of Sanemi’s mouth just in time before it vanished again. Giyuu froze, now entirely confused. Had he just seen Sanemi … grin? Or was it just a muscle twitching before he sprang into action?

Confusion made him breathe quicker and the alluring sight of Sanemi’s bare chest was not helping either. His gaze fluttered between Sanemi’s face, his body and the axe and all of this together seemed to short-circuit his brain. Through the mess of fragmented thoughts, one idea gained the upper hand. Even though he was stuttering nonsense, Sanemi had not attacked him yet. So maybe he just had to keep talking until he could find an out of the situation.

“I- I love the wood you chose for the outer walls,” he stuttered the first thing that came to mind. “It has such a beautiful pattern.”

Sanemi tilted his head and glared at him. “The wood?” he snarled and Giyuu nervously took another step backwards.

His gaze jumped to the cabin behind him and he nodded frantically. “Y- yes, it gives the cabin such a warm look. See how it catches the sunlight?”

And to his bewilderment, Sanemi actually followed his gaze and nodded slightly. “That’s why I chose it,” he said reluctantly.

And before he could stop himself, Giyuu blurted out, “Did you really build all of this with your own hands?”

Sanemi paused and stared at him for a moment before he slowly nodded. Giyuu took another look at the cabin and the garden surrounding it. This time, he noticed the fruit trees that lined the garden on one side and the neat vegetable patches on the other side. But before he could give it more thought, he remembered the axe and hastily turned around again. Relief washed through his body when he saw the axe still in Sanemi’s hand instead of flying towards him.

“That’s impressive,” he said and to his own surprise, he meant it. He had not known that Sanemi even had these skills and much less that he was this brilliant at it. “This would be such a wonderful home.”

Sanemi looked at him for a moment before he said, “This is my home.”

And suddenly, Giyuu felt bad about it. Sanemi was right. This was in fact his home, one that he had built all by himself and that was his refuge where he could go whenever he needed time to himself. It was the one place where he could feel safe and be himself, no matter what. And Giyuu had intruded on this peace even though he knew that Sanemi did not appreciate his company. His shoulders sank down and he looked to the ground when he quietly said, “I’m sorry. I should not have come here without your permission.”

For a while, they both kept silent and Giyuu did not dare to look up. His heart felt heavy and even though he was not keen on making the acquaintance of Sanemi’s axe, he would have understood it if Sanemi hurled it at him.

“You really shouldn’t have,” Sanemi finally spoke up. Then, he heaved a deep sigh. “But now that you’re here, you might as well make yourself useful until you remember why you came here.”

Giyuu’s head shot up and he stared at Sanemi, his eyes wide open, asking himself whether he had actually heard it right. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Sanemi’s hand with the axe slowly sinking down. His body now seemed less tense when Sanemi looked at the pile of wood that he had already chopped.

“Go and grab some more wood from the stack over there,” he then said and pointed to a wood stack at the back of the cabin.

Giyuu did not dare to question this change of mind and he hurriedly followed Sanemi’s order. He ran over to the area where Sanemi had stored the firewood and grabbed a first armful of it, only to carry it back to Sanemi who now chopped the last pieces of wood from the first pile. When Giyuu saw that Sanemi’s face now looked slightly calmer again, his whole body trembled in relief. And while he walked up to Sanemi, he allowed himself another sneaky look at his bare chest, a strange feeling stirring in his stomach. All in all, he was glad that he had gone on this adventure.