#she needs to be forced to confront that failure bc letting someone she loves so desperately die on her watch is perhaps the only thing she’s

[trevisos]

btw she’s so hot with the blight scarring on her face. i need her

these two are going to kill me dead for fucking real actually

[sporksaber]

Ok, I love the role swap concept with zuko and azula, but I feel like they switch their abilities and personalities a bit too and I think itd be more fun without that. Where Azula is an antisocial and unstable genius who wants to gain power and zuko still struggles with being the less powerful and extremely empathetic sibling. So here's how I'd do it.

(Note, this is just for fun. I'm not saying anyone else's version is bad. But I've though about this so much and need it out of my head before I go off cuz make a whole comic and I do not have the time, i need to work.)

First off, Azula wouldn't call out in concern for the men like how zuko did. In my version she's allowed into the meeting because of the aptitude for strategy shes shown. She speaks up because it's an inefficient plan that uses up too many resources when there are other options. This enrages her father and leads to the agni kai. Azula is terrified and feels betrayed but has no idea how to handle any of it. She fights back during the agni kai, but in her panic she sets off a bolt of lightning. Ozai finishes the match and severely burns on her lower back. Azula is banished for her use of lightning on the fire lord (bc ozai fears she will no longer be easy to manipulate and might plot his death) and is forced to leave the next morning.

Some things to note: azula is eleven at this point. I changed the placement of the scar bc I think zuko's is very symbolic in a way that doesnt suit azula. Zuko's scar being over his eye and close to the light chakra shows the way his view of the fire nation and honour obscures his vision and how he is unaware of the truth of the world under fire nation rule. I set azula's over her spine because that chakra is based on survival and blocked by fear. It also represents trust which will fit into her arc with the gaang. Finally, she doesnt have Iroh to guide her. One of the things that bothered me was Iroh writing her off as evil despite her being a mentally unstable child. She did have to be defeated, but the way he talked about it was too dismissive. (Personally I think he was projecting his views of his brother and his perceived failures with him onto her.) Azula isnt sent to capture the avatar so she isnt given soldiers. She's completely alone without an advisor to look to or keep her calm.

Azula is given a manned ship with a disgraced soldier and an attendant when she leaves. The way I see it the soldiers zuko had were probably more irohs than his. The soldier is relieved to not be executed but hates being demoted to playing babysitter to a child at sea. The attendant views it as a punishment and hates Azula for it. Eventually the attendant will betray her and be killed for it. Azula never trusted the soldier and he eventually leaves to start a family in an earth kingdom colony. Azula doesnt miss him, he was no longer useful. The loneliness does get to her though.

Azula is obsessed with getting the underhand, so she had been successfully building connections and planting spies where needed.

(Zuko has been acting as a respectable crowned prince. He holds a zealous loyalty to his nation and father. He still faulters as Iroh tries to steer him from tyranny, but his sights are set on his father's approval and that alone. Afterall, if his prodigy could be discarded who's to say what would happen to him if he failed?)

This brings us to the start of the series. Like Zuko Azula witnesses the trap on the old fire nation battle ship go off. She investigates and finds that an air bending avatar is living at the south pole village. She decides she wants to speak with him.

Azula didn't believe the avatar existed before this point. Hiding didnt add up to her knowledge of the morality of airbenders, so she assumed the air nation avatar from the start of the war would be dead. She would know if one had appeared in the water tribe, as the south had all its benders killed and the north was compacted so close together it would be impossible to hide. Earth would be harder, but they were most likely to fight back and out act. And if in ba sing se they'd be used as a weapon or gotten rid of to preserve the peace of the city. Once the culcle progressed to the fire nation it would either be used to take over the other nations or enf the cycle for good. After all, there hasn't been an air bender for a hundred years even if the rumors of some acolytes surviving were truthful.

Azula kidnaps aang with far more ease than she should of been able to. Once he stops struggling she calmly offers him tea and promises to release him once their discussion is finished. He takes the tea and drinks it without question and besides a wary glare shows no more hostility. She thought him a fool, the tea could have easily been poisoned and promised are nothing but words. His naivete makes her job easier though.

She finds out that he was suspended frozen in the avatar state the last 100 years. And so, Azula informs him of the war and the fire nations crimes, advising him to master the elements if he wants to prevent all his new friends and the avatar cycle from certain destruction. Aang is conflicted, he never asked for any of this. Azula just gives a bitter smile. "The hands of fate were never designed to take requests, they move without regard to any life dependent on it. Dont waste your breath when there is nothing you can do."

Azula wants to see Ozai fail. If helping the avatar is what it takes then so be it. When his friends appear to save him she let's them leave without a fight. Theyll be useful in the future.

As the gaang's travels kick off she sets out to find out if the rumours about the acolytes are true. In this she finds a traveling circus. The youngest daughter and an old friend of hers was eager to escape and found Azula's life exciting. She didn't hesitate after being invited along, insisting that traveling would be easy for her and that she'd pull her own weight.

She encounters the gaang a few times as time goes by. The relationship is reluctant on the water tribe siblings part, they dont trust her and hold a decent amount of fear towards her. Her cold and calculating demeanor was unsettling, but the unhinged way she fought was terrifying. Her form was perfect and her attacks were precise, but the bigger the fight the more lost she became as she laughed and shrieked and occasionally snapped at someone who didnt seem to be there. The only worse reaction was when she zeroed in on one opponent, picking them apart both mentally and physically as she drove them to the ground. )

Things that'll happen as I move through an episode list:

Azula doesn't have her ship attacked do she diesnt run into zhao while doing repairs, instead going straight to ty lee.

Azula learns that the gaang is on kyoshi island and heads ther after them. She has been keeping track of the avatar as they move. Ty lee gets along well with the kyoshi warriors while azula buts heads with them. They dont want her there and azula hates it when people get in the way. Zhao appears to try to capture aang and Azula dips at the same time as the gaang. She tells ty lee she can stay but she insists on sticking with azula. This puts her on edge.

Ty lee gets captured by earth benders, when she escapes on her own she cements her usefulness to Azula.

They run into zhao trying to capture the avatar and azula tells him she'll capture him first. They both attack aang during the solstice, though azula's attacks are all purposefully set to miss and trip up zhao as much as possible. Aang is the best way to prove her father wrong and she's not going to lose that.

They rob the pirates that try to capture the avatar. Azula needs the resources and it gives her leverage over the gaang.

After almost killing ty lee for scaring her by popping up behind her Azula tells her why she was banished. (In more of a "my own mother thought I was a monster" way than an opening up about trauma way.)

Azula learns that zhao has captured aang and frees him. She then sets to reworking her information network as not all of them are scared enough of her to not fail her. She remedies it quickly.

Azula learns that zhao is plotting her assassination and decides it's the perfect moment to fake her death.

Azula enters the north pole to defeat zhao and gain any information she can. Ty lee rades a library during the confrontation. Zhao is surprised and infuriated to see her alive, Azula smiles as she sends him to his death knowing that she is not only helping the avatar but also that he gave her a perfect way to hide from the fire nation. (When news of his sisters death reaches hum, Zuko doesnt know what to think. She was always cruel to him, but she was still his little sister.)

The crown prince of the fire nation is sent to capture the avatar. Azula follows him as he begins his search. (Zuko begins to think he's going insane as he keeps catching glimpses of his recently deceased sister out of the corner of his eye.)

Ty lee keeps running into a girl she slowly befriends. She's gloomy and sarcastic and ty lee thinks Azula would like her. (Zuko's fiance Mai tells him that she thinks his sister is still alive.)

As Azula notices ty lee become more and more distracted as she absorbed herself into the cultures that surround them she decides it's best for them to split up. Ty lee diesnt agree, but Azula leaves anyway. She has work to do.

While traveling alone Azula cant escape the thoughts of her mother. Of her fathers betrayal. Of the life she lost because the idiot elders had no grip on proper strategy that even a child could create. She meets a boy that reminds her far too much of zuko with a mother far to similar to theirs. When she sends the bandits controlling the town running she knows it's more than just controlling a territory that compelled her. But at the same time she doubts not following through on the whim would have bothered her.

Ty lee meets toph and chat for a bit. Ty lee tells her about azula and how she left. When toph tells her she should forget her she insists that azula didnt really ditch her and that they're still friends. They talk about their friends and childhood.

Ty lee finds Azula and immidiently jumps at her, which she does not enjoy. Ty lee insists that she still wants to travel with her and Axula sighs as she let's her tag along to the next location, ba sing se.

Azula slips through guards and protocols as she tries to gain any information she can to help her once they reach the city. Ty lee befriends a guy named jet and his group, the freedom fighters. When he tries to get more than friendship she turns him down and it becomes much more awkward.

Ty lee becomes a street performer and chames everyone she meets as Azula researches the dai lee and how they keep control. After lashing out in frustration ty lee drags her out to enjoy the city's night life.

Azula learns of the presence of the avatar and location of appa. She frees him and sets to work taking control of the dai lee. She let's herself be briefly captured but her plan shifts when katara is thrown in with her. Katara is pissed just being around her and azula plays up a cool kind of annoyance. Katara briefly catches sight of the burns on Azula's back and offers to heal her, only for Azula to freak out and yell at her to stay away, backing against a far wall in a fighting stance. They are saved by the rest if the gaang and ty lee shortly after.

Azula goes back to try and salvage her plan only to be caught off guard by the appearance of her brother and his offer to return to the fire nation. Not willing to lose all possible advantages, she agrees. They battle the gaang, and when they are almost captured azula sends a bolt of lightning at aang, causing them to retreat. Katara can heal him more easily than she can maneuver them out of an execution.

Azula returns to the fire nation with her brother, mai and ty lee, starting the beginning of a large power play between her and her father. They are sent to lo and li beach house. The relationship between the siblings is tense, zuko has always been the child born with nothing who gained everything when his blessed at birth sister lost it all. Azula has always been cruel, but he cant help but let his heart catch on the moments when she's not. ("My own mother thought I was a monster, My father thought i was too difficult to keep around" "Don't let their words blind you, you need to be more careful, zuzu." "I learned the hard way to never turn your back to anyone, and the scars will always be there as a reminder if I need it." )

Azula runs into iroh, who is very disapproving of her presence. He warns her to stay away from zuko and to watch herself while at the palace. Later, zuko comes to her asking about their great grandfather. Upon being pressed he admits that he was sent a mysterious letter. He thought she was going to burn it when he handed it to her but instead the heat from the fire revealed a hidden ink. "Honestly brother, did you ever pay attention at all during lessons?" They find a autobiographical scroll of their great grandfathers life and the secret that their other great grandfather was roku. Azula scoffed at the idea of bloodlines deciding fate and quickly left. But Zuko remained conflicted.

During the day of the black sun Azula confronts Ozai. As iroh and Zuko fight the avatar. She learns that her mother left for zuko's sake and that she was never going to be fire lord. Azula tells him she'll be somthing even better and leaves the palace.

Azula and ty lee follow the gaang to the western air temple. Katara immidprntly attacks but is quickly rendered unable to bend by ty lee. Azula tells them that the only way for them to of gotten out was for Aang to be incapacitated, and she knew katara could heal him. Aang decides they can stay but have to stay distanced from everyone else.

Azula tries to teach aang fire bending but is slowly growing sick while aang is barely able to produce a puff of smoke. Unable to sleep and constantly on edge, it soon affects her bending, sending her spiraling as she loses control on the only consistent power she's ever had. Her and aang journey to find the true source of fire bending to try to help their conditions.

Still sick, Azula is itching to do anything away from the temple. Finding sokka trying to reach the boiling rock to find his father, she decides to go with him as she knows the prison well. Sokka declines but she goes anyway. They dont find his father, but they do find suki. Azula formulates a plan but they postpone when sokka's father arrives.

Azula comes up with a new plan, now reluctant to include sokka. He tells her to trust him but she insists she has no reason to. Her sickness has been getting worse and he tells her she needs to trust him, making her angry. Only when he catches her while they're escaping dies she finally begin to accept trusting him, if only slightly.

(While they're away ty lee tries to convince

Azula goes with Katara to find the man who killed her mother. Azula has no concept of why katara is so upset, which causes her to get angry. But azula tracks the man anyway.

Ember island players- azulas character has the scar across her chest. She's absolutely insane and "not entirely inaccurate, but I'd never come up with such a dumb plan." Shes also heavily implied to be more than close to ty lee, which azula has no reaction to even as the others freak out.

I havent decided the ending, zuko will probably turn to the gaang's side. I'll add more later and maybe write or illustrate a bit.

[aqvarius]

I hope the rmd mc for kasumi is a bit different cuz she rly be hittin on my last nerve and I don’t think she would rly v✨i✨b✨e with kasumi in her current given state

i’ve decided i need to play matsunaga and cc before getting a better sense of the eicu guys but honestly some of these recent asks feel like my own brain jumped out of my head and started sending me anon asks lmao bc i totally agree. anyway i know it’s a controversial opinion to not like the rmd mc and i’m TRYING to be fair and put aside my bias against her and try to analyse what exactly it is that i don’t like, but yeah i just don’t really find that she has romantic chemistry with the characters (that i’ve read, i.e. takado and hosho). not that anyone ever asked for this, buuuuuut this ask has basically triggered yet another mc rant so stop reading here or get ready and settle down with some popcorn lmao.

DISCLAIMER: this is all just my personal opinion! and i’m sure many of you will disagree with me. please place a “i think/believe/feel” before every claim i make as everything i say here is just my own feeling towards her. i also need to disclaim that i have only properly read takado and hosho’s routes (bc i’m still...mad at sen’s route, and i’ve only made it through one chapter of matsunaga so far) and i understand (and fully subscribe to) the idea that mcs read differently depending on the route as well. and as always, please don’t let my opinions affect your own enjoyment of any characters or titles that you love!

ALSO as i was writing this, i went back and read my previous rant about her and i realised that i’m more or less reiterating the same points i made there but in a (hopefully) more structured and slightly more developed manner whoops. 

so here’s almost 3000 words and a whole bunch of screenshots under the cut because i don’t want to spam everyone’s dashboards with my unprompted Opinions(tm).

so anyway i’ve been thinking it’s a translation/tone thing. when i have the time/energy, i might sit down and really try to analyse the actual language, but just going off my intuition, i think maybe it’s because:

1. sometimes they choose to express something idiomatically and so that tone doesn’t come across as sincere. this isn’t a real example, but let’s think about the difference in tone between “oh no!” and “yikes��. because of modern day vernacular, we kind of associate “yikes” with a sarcastic and judgmental tone, whereas “oh no!” might connote a more genuinely concerned reaction. so sometimes i think that the use of very contemporary vernacular (which, lbr, trends towards a more sarcastic tone in general bc us gen z kids are mean) results in a lack of sincerity which makes the mc come across as a little more callous and less... actually kind and nice? i did get the feeling that hlitf mc has recently swayed towards this sort of tone as well and suspected that they had the same translator (which was confirmed later in a voltage Q&A). i’m definitely #biased but i can forgive this more because we had a good amount of content with her being adorable before the tone switch so i have a pre-established impression of her in my mind. 

by the way, i just want to say that while i do have this critique, i do really admire and respect the voltage translation and localisation team (and am... super indebted to them) and i do think they do fantastic translations generally. 

anyway, i believe this linguistic issue is at least partially responsible for my personal perception of the rmd mc’s personality that i expand on in the succeeding points, but my next point has more to do with the writing and characterisation of the most recent wave of mcs.

2. rmd mc has very few visible vulnerabilities. i think this is one of my biggest qualms with the new title mcs like rmd, destind and mk but i think stories are at their best when you get to see the mc fail and be vulnerable and wallow. the reason why i love certain mcs - particularly the ones whose titles and storylines centre around their careers (hlitf, irresistible mistakes, my last first kiss, scandal, celebrity darling, kiss of revenge, sleepless, otbs, arguably msb, etc.) - is because we get to see them fail and then grow. not only that, but you often get to see the relationship between the mc and the love interest deepen in these moments. but if you have a ‘perfect’ mc, then there’s no room for growth, so plotlines are forced to fall back on drama and trauma on the love interest’s side which... is exactly what rmd and mk do. 

this is not to say that rmd mc doesn’t make mistakes, because she certainly does, but i don’t find that they’re ever genuinely serious mistakes. for example, think about hlitf mc’s repeated mistake in season 1 of going after small crimes without seeing the bigger picture and thus potentially messing up an entire investigation. they allow her that space to mess up and be completely wrong for public safety. then they give her the time to be self-reflective and run away back to nagano really think about what her mistakes are, and where to go from there. she is confronted with humbling failure, and is forced to address issues about her own pride/ego, and matures into someone who has a more nuanced idea about justice. on the other hand, rmd mc never has to (consistently, afaik) go through a genuinely humbling experience, so she her pride/ego/arrogance never gets seriously called into question. maybe this is because the premise of rmd has to do with life and death and they don’t want to make it seem like she’s directly responsible for someone’s death, but hlitf also deals with life and death issues and the mc learns that if she messes up to save one civilian, she may actually be jeopardising the lives of tens or hundreds or more. 

anyway, taking takado’s route as an example, because this was our exposure to her as a character, the most frustrating thing is the way that she tries to lecture takado that he’s wrong about his attitude towards amputations, and never actually has to personally experience the potentially disastrous consequence of putting her ideology into practice. i think i would have enjoyed the route a lot more if she had gone over his head and naively made the decision not to do an amputation and then the person ended up dying or having to have a larger section amputated all because she was like uwu we can’t just cut off people’s limbs without waiting. i think if that situation had happened, we could have seen her actually have to confront her own naiveté and realise that she’s a noob and too idealistic and that reading a lot of medical journals does not translate to having actual field experience and intuition and who is she to question him like that when she knows nothing. she only realises that omg... we may have to consider some things with something called nuance... basically when more of takado’s backstory is revealed.  

(maybe this is because i work in academia so it extra-frustrates me, but omg if i had to one-on-one mentor a student like her, i would genuinely go nuts. she reminds me of some students that some colleagues and i have had where they  “well, actually” at everything you say bc they read some stuff on reddit or twitter that has absolutely not been proven through practical application of, or research conducted through the lens of, their theory. like imagine i told my advisors “despite being experts in [their respective fields] and having written numerous very important books, you’re wrong because i don’t agree but i have never myself conducted proper research to counter that!!”)

basically i wish they treated takado’s route like kaga’s routes (bc lbr takado and kaga are maybe... the same person?). look at the self-reflection here:

and here:

she does get down on herself at times, but look at the way that she humbly accepts her mistakes. sometimes she wallows on her mistakes, as anyone would, but look at the way she examines her failures and turns that feeling of inadequacy into motivation to work harder and smarter. 

by the way, these screenshots are from his ms1 and ms2 - so pretty early on - and we get to see her learn from these mistakes because she’s allowed to make them. we also get to learn more about kaga’s strictness and his kindness because of these mistakes.

i don’t know if the whole refusal to allow rmd mc to make significant errors is a response to readers who are like “omg.... why are voltage mcs so weak, why can’t they be perfect women who never get anything wrong” but ANYWAY i just feel like they never confront or address her hubris properly. 

3. following on from point 2, i find her one-dimensional. i’ve mentioned this before in a rant, but i don’t find her to be a very deep character bc to me, she reads as mostly surface level sass. i said: “her dialogue with them often reads as like they put 100 points in “snark” and 0 points in any other personality trait” lmao. so she’s great in one-off screenshots where you can see her bite back with a very screenshottable one-liner, but i find it tiring to have 30 chapters of her just literally running her mouth. because of this constant tone that they keep giving her, i find it really difficult to see any emotional depth in her character. because she’s the perspective character, her internal dialogue is just as, if not more, important as the love interest’s external dialogue in terms of carrying the emotional weight of falling in love, and i just don’t understand how there’s any sense of two people falling in love and getting to know each other when every sentence out of her mouth is just sass. can you imagine you meet someone and you get to know them but never have any genuine conversations bc every line out of your mouth is sarcastic? like your date is opening up and telling you about some difficulties he’s going through (which i’m sure you all know is a very vulnerable and scary thing to do) and instead of being empathetic and kind and understanding, you’re just like “sucks to be you dude”. and instead of saying “you don’t need to carry everything on your shoulders”, you say “you’re STUBBORN and i’m RIGHT”. OF COURSE i’m being kind of hyperbolic here (not even that much tho, see screenshots below) but that’s basically the tone she constantly takes. 

so when takado opens up about the rina thing, instead of being like “oh shit i’ve been judging him all this time and i’m genuinely sorry because i didn’t know a thing about you and yet i’ve been running my mouth”, she says “your head is as hard as a rock ya know?” and then KEEPS GOING. 

where’s the empathy sis? where is it? i’m looking but i can’t find it.

EVEN TAKADO WAS LIKE “I WAS TRYING TO TALK SERIOUSLY ABOUT IT”

and then the writers just push off her rudeness as like “it’s okay it’s chill!! takado laughed about it afterwards and it made the issue sound insignificant!!” even tho it’s obviously an extremely traumatic thing? WHY does he even fall in love with her??? i don’t UNDERSTAND alsdkfjs she has NO FEELINGS!! i just want genuinely romantic moments... is that too much to ask... it’s called romance md...

once again, let’s compare that to hlitf mc, when she finds out about kaga’s trauma. literally the FIRST reaction she has is to consider his feelings.

without even hearing his side of the story, she defends him because she trusts him and immediately empathises with him and the first thing she does is try to understand him and where he’s coming from. 

later on, when she hears him just dismissing things and playing callous, she actually cries on his behalf, which shocks him because he’s not used to people caring about him:

isn’t that a MASSIVE difference in reaction to essentially the same character opening up about their trauma? which do you find more conducive to developing emotional intimacy? in my opinion, it’s so much easier to fall in love with someone who supports you and has your back and trusts and believes in you and tries to understand you and can have a genuinely caring conversation with you when you need it. by the way, it’s not like kaga’s mc doesn’t sass him either! they have great bantery chemistry and she shit-talks him ALL THE TIME (a lot of the time under her breath and he’s like HUH? it’s great). 

and yet... we still actively see her caring about him... instead of being like WHOOPS my tongue slipped, i can’t help that i’m naturally insubordinate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

by the way, i’m not trying to put the onus on female characters/heroines to be caring/empathetic/kind/loving. i’m putting the onus on ALL characters to be caring/empathetic/kind/loving in their own ways if we’re supposed to be convinced that they’re falling in romantic love. sure, kaga’s mc is exceptionally loving but kaga returns that love with his own ALL the time ;~~; anyway i’m gonna stop talking about them for now bc otherwise i would just completely derail and keep going on and on about them. 

anyway, back to takado, i actually find him to be more caring and loving than his mc? i actually genuinely like takado as a character and i think that real life me and him would be great together so i’m like extra offended that he’s with her rather than ME??? i would treat him so much better. 

i consider this lack of emotional depth to actually be a bigger hindrance on my enjoyment of the game than the lack of flaws thing. voltage’s recent wave of mcs with the love choice titles have been trending towards the ‘perfect woman’ type of mc, but while i have some Thoughts(tm) here and there about the other protagonists, none of them strike me as being as hard to get along with as rmd’s mc. so i’ve mentioned my issue with the masukisu mc’s weird moral boundaries (more an overall voltage issue that manifests the most strongly in her character), but i also do find that they don’t let her make big mistakes and they present her as this perfect superwoman figure with no weaknesses which like... unrelatable. but at least her banter is flirty banter and there’s a lot of chemistry there (even if it’s sometimes lacking emotional depth, as in some of kazuomi’s scenes - and that’s not her fault, that’s 100% on kazuomi lol). you can definitely understand why they’re attracted to each other at least, and you can definitely see real, deep love form between her and yuzuru the most. even though the masukisu mc is a ‘perfect woman’, the premise is designed to spark relationship conflict and the writing really helps us understand the emotional turmoil of falling in love with a target because of how much it lets the mc dwell on it. destind too basically has a perfect mc in terms of work/career, but they let her have her very glaring weaknesses and, once again, the premise forces her to address her shortcomings with regards to her idealistic view on soulmates/destiny and explores the head vs heart thing where she has to really examine her emotions and how they potentially come into conflict with her preconceptions of and preoccupation with numerical compatibility. 

thinking about it objectively, i feel like takado’s mc and mlfk ayato’s mc have a couple of similarities in the way that they don’t realise they’re in love for the longest time (although obviously childhood friends to lovers provides a better context for not realising that love - same with my boi natsume), but there’s just something lovable about mlfk’s mc that i don’t see in rmd. without going too deeply into it bc (1) i’m tired and (2) i’ve been going on about this for WAY too long now, i think that comes back to tone or writing (and possibly translation) style. i think at some point, i might actually go and compare the language in the “omg am i in love...?” scenes between takado’s mc, ayato’s mc and natsume’s mc but uh... not tonight haha. 

actually, at some point, i genuinely wondered if rmd mc was aromantic. i really just thought she did not experience romantic attraction because i literally got no sense of it through her internal monologue bc they kept pushing the whole like “i only relate to people’s ~aesthetics~” thing. and then i wondered how they were going to make an aromantic mc fall in romantic love...? because... it’s an otome game? (btw i’m not saying that aro people can’t enjoy otoge, i definitely know people who do! but there’s a big diff between someone playing an otoge vs someone being a character falling in romantic love in an otoge. but please call me out if i’m misunderstanding aromanticism!). anyway, long story short, rmd mc (takado’s especially) falling in love is absolutely unconvincing to me because i find her dialogue - both internal and external - rather unfeeling. 

these three points (1. translation that favours colloquialism over communicating emotional tone; 2. characterisation of a hubristic mc who doesn’t need to overcome significant challenges; 3. lack of emotional depth and empathy/understanding) are basically why i don’t think that she has good romantic chemistry with the love interests in romance md that i’ve read so far. i also have some very petty personal gripes (sekai...........) but they’re not relevant to this particular topic and frankly just... really petty so i don’t want to get into them here.

so anyway, long story short: i agree that i don’t think she would really vibe with kasumi in her current given state. like, they could be friends, maybe.

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

i have the text dump, it has lots of lore and will probably break the text limit-

SO BASICALLY JACIAN AND TAIANA SHIZ BASICALLY ALL I HAVE COME UP WITH FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND PLOT STUFF AND YES-

so basically they first meet in act 1 of the main plot (tm) which is really just adventure to go stop odd thing thats happening (idk exactly what atm but thats not really important).  Jarcian is basically a knight whos working for an unknown(at the time, we'll get to it later) person, and he has been tasked with impeding the progress of the main group.  how does he plan to do this? well, despite literally having troops at his disposal (who all adore him and are 100% loyal to him, they love their goofy captain), of course he challenges the main character group to a one on one duel, because he is just a goofy villain who fights fair and lives by his honor.  Of course Taiana accepts his challenge, being a knight herself, and they proceed to have a draw.  Out of respect, and because he's lowkey thrilled that someone has taken him seriously for once, Jacian concedes and retreats for the time being, but not before he and Taiana declare each other to be rivals (with like 75% of the main group just being so done with both of them and wanting to leave).  They have a few more encounters after this, with taiana always insisting that they take up his challenge fairly rather than just like have everyone defeat his forces because she feels he's not a bad guy and actually at this point considers him a friend, and after a while Jacian begins to think that he might be developing feelings for Taiana, which he really doesnt know how to feel about so he consults his second in command, Anton (short for Anthony; this man is just a side character but he is like the best side character ever and im 100% giving him a unique design bc he's just like the most supportive dude ever-). i plan on making a short comic based off the conversation they have but basically Jacian has his suspicions confirmed, and goes full panic attack and sad mode bc oops literal forbidden love this is so sad : pensive : .  There are like 2 more encounters between the main group and Jacian's group, both of which Jacian is just like being very obvious on accident but taiana has no idea what a social cue is so she just doesnt pick up on any of it, and then major plot shit happens and we're onto part 2.

in part 2, things get kinda angsty and really can split off in 2 different directions, with one being significantly less angsty than the other. basically, shit goes down, and all 3 of the main kingdoms are all just kinda in conflict now.  Taiana ends up becoming the queen of her kingdom (called Serenia) and, despite her appearingly newfound confidence and leadership skills, she is internally in turmoil due to previous plot events (and this only gets worse with future ones) and is beginning to fall into a state of self doubt due to the pressure she puts on herself to protect everyone coupled with the fact that she cant, and failed to protect her own father and brother.  After a bit of rebuilding and strategizing, Taiana decides to lead a counterattack against the neighboring kingdom of Grysia who's king, Natalio, has basically backstabbed every other kingdom and had invaded Serenia while the main group was out doing other stuff (his son is also part of the main group, and some real shit happens there but thats another tale for another ramble-).  It turns out that Jacian serves him, and is having one hell of a moral struggle right now.  His knights honor forbids him from betraying his lord, but he's unsure if he's truely doing the right thing as he's been complacent to so many inhumane atrocities that Natalio has preformed.  But in the end he decides that he must stick to his duty to the very end, no matter what (and let me just say, once natalio shows his true colors he does some bad shit, like really damn bad. but again, another disscussion for another day).  Eventually, the main group is pretty much on the castle's doorstep, and so Natalio makes the decision to send Jacian to put a stop to them. More specifically, to their leader, who at this point is Taiana.  Jacian of course, really doesnt want to (but as he later figures out, Natalio knows of his crush and plans on having the two destroy each other, with the result of one being killed and the other being emotionally destroyed. as I said, natalio is a very bad man), but his duty commands that he must, and so he tells Anton to make sure his troops escape the conflict together, and heads off to his final duel, where he intends to head to his grave and take his secret with him.  When he confronts the main group, he is much more solemn than he normally is, and he challenges Taiana to one final duel. and despite every other duel they had resulting in a draw, this one results in a loss from Jacian.  As a final wish, Jacian begs Taiana to take his life, as he'd rather die at her hands than at Natalios.

now, since im thinking about the plot in terms of it being a game, there actually is a branch in the plot based on a choice made at this point (mainly bc the angsty one is more interesting character development wise but the not angsty one makes me happy and i want to see these 2 be happy together-). so the two choices are basically to take Jacian's life, or to spare him.  ill go over what each choice leads to in order.

choose to take his life:  Taiana tries to take Jacian's life, but she just can't bring herself to.  She already internally feels as if she's lost or come close to losing many of the peopleshe holds dear, and she could never bring herself to kill someone she considers a friend.  Seeing this, Jacian smiles before apologizing to her for everything, and thanking her for the joy she's brought him, before telling her he loves her and taking his own life via stabbing his sword through his chest.  His intent is to save her the pain of taking his life by ding it for him, but this ends up pushing her over the edge, as she blames herself and sees it as yet another failure to protect someone she cared about.  The main group ends up defeating natalio and liberating Grysia, but Taiana is left with menatl and emotional wounds that would leave her unstable for much of the remaining plot. it doesnt help that she eventually realizes that she loved him too.  His former troops, which had deserted the war just as he asked, end up joining the Serenian military, with Anton becoming the captain of the knights.  This mainly leads to alot of character development for taiana, and how she learns to cope with and accept the fact that she cant protect everyone, no matter how much she wants to.  (there also is another really angsty part later bc main villian has some bs powers but uhh we've had enough sad i thinkand this is getting really long-)

choose to spare him:  Taiana refuses to take Jacian's life, to which Jacian retorts that she had to if she wanted to get past.  Of course, she once again refuses as she wont harm someone she cares about, especially when she's already lost people she cares about and is really close to just losing it.  She then states that if one of them had to die, the he should take he life, much to his dismay.  She stands firm on this, and he attempts, but his feelings finally overpower his sense of duty, and he just cant.  but at the same time, his honor won't let him betray his lord, and if he goes back he will just be killed.  He and taiana argue a bit, with taiana trying to convince him to join her before finally breaking down and just letting out everything she's had pent up inside since the the end of part 1 of the plot (different story for a different day)  Jacian lets out some emotional baggage of his own, including confessing his feelings for taiana,which she is completely surprised about.  They talk and mildly argue for a bit more, with Jacian eventually surrendering to his feelings, and vowing to right the wrongs made by his complacency before thanking Taiana for helping him to remember why he became a knight in the first place, and abandoning his old sense of honor to take up arms with the main group and find a new sense of honor, fighting for the people as taiana does rather than just for one corrupt man.  Natalio really isnt suprised by this, and simply says that he'll send them both to the grave by his own hands, before being defeated by the main group with the help of Jacian's troops because yknow, theyre loyal to Jacaian before theyre loyal to the king.  During the 6-year skip between part 2 and 3, Taiana and Jacian end up getting married, and similarly to the other option Anton is appointed captaianof the Serentian Knights, and remains a close friend to Jacian (along with the rest of his troops, theyre his bois).  This mainly leads to more development of Jacian and how he interacts with the other charcaters in the main group, as well as him helping taiana to cope with many of her insecurities and issues, and offering support in a way that none of the other characters in the main group can (i meant to not this earlier as well, she may be very close to other characters as well, such as xayvion, but they just dont understand certain aspects of her personality deep down as well as Jacian does. The two are just a pair of overly excessive goofy knights, and though they may be slightly different they understand each other in a way no one else does).

and uhh thats basically it, this was way more than i meant to write and i really need to go to sleep now so uh yeet- anyways i love these 2, thank you for coming to my ted talk-

[atalana]

Five, and the effects of Reginald Hargreeves' parenting

So like, I see a lot of posts around talking about the effects Hargreeves had on all the kids, the abuse they went through, and who they turned out to be, but a lot of the time when they get to Five this gets somewhat overshadowed by his experiences in the apocalypse, since that's what he's shown to have PTSD over, and is generally on the forefront of Five's mind

But the effects of Five's childhood are hugely evident in his character for me (potentially bc I've been through similar, just to a lesser extent), so I wanna go into them more

Here's the thing - kids can't help but want approval from their parents, even kids like Five. He can mask it in whatever he likes, but as a kid, Five was hugely dependent on Hargreeves' approval. It's more insidious than with most children, too, because when Reginald Hargreeves is involved, gaining his approval means avoiding his wrath - something you definitely don't want to face.

You see this all the time in kids with parents who have too high standards, even if the parents are considerably more gentle than Sir Reginald - the kids who can achieve to that standard become obsessed with it, turn it into their whole identity, while the kids who can't stop trying at all. And this harms both, because the underachievers feel like they'll never amount to anything, and the overachievers become paranoid, knowing they're one bad day away from becoming like the underachievers - the people they've been taught their whole life are the worst possible thing to be - so they try even harder to make sure that never happens.

The overachievers in the Hargreeves family are Luther, Diego, and Five, the underachievers are Klaus and Vanya (Allison and Ben it's hard to tell, maybe they managed to avoid this or maybe it just manifests in different ways), and this constantly affects all of their relationships with each other.

Reginald actively encouraged this discrepancy as well, because it made it easier to control them. The underachievers don't try anything because they believe they have no power. The overachievers won't try anything because one word of disapproval from Reginald and they lose that status, and with it their entire sense of identity and self worth. They can't band together either, because the underachievers think they amount to nothing, the underachievers don't trust the overachievers because they maintain the same standards, the overachievers don't trust each other because they're all competing for the same status, and the overachievers don't listen to the underachievers because they believe the lie that the underachievers can't do anything. It's a terrifyingly effective strategy.

There's yet another layer with the Hargreeves kids, though, and that's their numbers. This was another deliberate move on the part of Sir Reginald, because a hierarchy only adds to this dynamic.

Number one was superior to number two, who was superior to number three, and so on. It's not a coincidence that the overachievers tend to be higher up on the scale, and the underachievers lower. It's easier to excel when you believe you can do it, harder when you think you can't. And the further down the hierarchy you are, the more you're held to the standard of the ones above you.

So now we get to Five in particular, because Five is a special case - an overachiever very low on the hierarchy. He was constantly held to the standard of numbers 1-4, but Five could actually outperform them. And this was encouraged by their father - Reginald would have realised early on that telling Five he wasn't capable wouldn't have worked, because Five had proof he was, it would have only made him more rebellious (see: the reason he ran off in the first place).

So instead he creates an air of superiority in Five that's highly conditional and dependent on him. Five isn't like his siblings. Five can do better. Five gets praise. Which doesn't seem harmful until you realise, Five has to do better. Five doesn't have the option of an off day. Five has built his entire identity around being the best, because as a young child that was the only way he got anything close to the love and attention he needed, and as soon as he fails to outperform his siblings, he's going to lose that forever.

(It also probably contributed to a lot of that cocky attitude - if he ever did have a moment of weakness, he couldn't let anyone see, or it would discredit him, so he covers it up with the whole devil may care thing)

It's pretty obvious in Five's reactions to things that the siblings he got along with best were Ben and Vanya - 6 and 7. I don't think it was a conscious decision to be closer to the two lower on the hierarchy than him, but I also don't think it's a coincidence either - after all, he's never going to be held to their standard like he is the other four. With anyone above him in the ranking, there would have been a tension in their relationship, the knowledge that they were being compared, and Five would have to be constantly on guard for that. Around Ben and Vanya, he can actually breathe, and that makes it a lot easier for him to appreciate the qualities they have as people.

There's two moments in this season where Five's siblings genuinely get under his skin, and force him from exasperated to defensive, and both of them are hugely telling of this. The first is when Luther tells him "You think you're better than us, you always have. But the truth is, you're just as messed up as the rest of us."

Luther's completely right, but there's two things here Five can't handle hearing. Even after 45 years alone in the apocalypse, this is a core part of his identity he can't shake. One is "you think you're better than us", the implication that that's not true. The other is "you're just as messed up as the rest of us", making Five confront the realisation that he has flaws. Five responds "I don't think I'm better than you, Number One. I know I am."

He even refers to Luther by number, the only time in the series he ever does this to anyone. It's a deliberate jab, a way to remind Luther than even though he was supposedly number one, Five still managed to outperform him. It's honestly a really childish move, because it's Five frantically scrambling to get back on a pedestal he's been on his whole life - and not a very stable one either, if one comment from Luther can bring it down. Five believes he's perfect, infallible, because he can't live with himself if he's not.

The second time comes from the same root but the other direction - his conversation with Klaus in episode 9. Klaus calls him an apocalypse addict, comparing the two of them, and Five internally freaks the fuck out, because of all the siblings he can't handle being similar to, Klaus is the top of that list. If Luther was the golden boy Five constantly had to compete against, Klaus is the dumpster fire that serves to remind Five this is what he can never become.

Klaus, of course, is just a person, and has many good qualities, but Five was never trained to see them. Five was trained to see Klaus as a failure, a disappointment, someone it was better to be dead than to be like. (He may be nearly double the age of the rest of his siblings, but alone in the apocalypse isn't an ideal ground for reexamining your relationships with people, and Five still has so much growing up to do.)

Of all of them, Five is the most willing to push boundaries with his powers, to explore new realms of what he can and can't do, and that's also an effect of this - where the others were a lot more controlled or restricted, Five was encouraged to adapt, to be more powerful, to take risks, and Hargreeves probably allowed him more leeway than the others (again, fuelling that sense of superiority), as long as it provided results (and there's the paranoia part, the risks Five took needed to pay off, he didn't have any other option)

Credit to Five though, because the time travel scene was all him. Reginald's influence should have been enough to keep him from running off like that, but Five had a strong enough will to ignore it.

I think this is the mistake the Handler made as well. The Temps Commission employs people easy to manipulate, and a childhood of abuse followed by a lifetime of solitude sounds like the perfect breeding ground for such a person. If she just wanted Five she could have retrieved him at any age, after all, but she waits 45 years. His skills weren't increasing that much in that time, not more than they would have been working for the Commission. It was just that the longer he was alone, the easier he was to control.

But neither Hargreeves nor the Handler really anticipated just how stubborn and steadfast Five can be. He's affected by his childhood, yes, it forms the core of who he is as a person, but he's smart, and he found a way around it - picking a goal and sticking to it no matter what. Klaus was right, in a way, about him being an addict of the apocalypse, Five gets dangerous tunnel vision with a task in mind. He literally admits to Hazel that not once (in 45 years, with precious few distractions) did he think about what he would do after he stopped the apocalypse, focused only on doing it. He doesn't let anything else through, and that can be a detriment sometimes (not telling his siblings about the shrapnel wound and nearly dying because they were close to his goal), but when someone's trying to manipulate you, it's a huge advantage. (It's also a huge advantage when trying to survive in the apocalypse, you don't stop, you don't doubt yourself, you don't question what you are and aren't willing to do, you just do it and move on)

He broke through Hargreeves' control by focusing on learning to time travel, and he's unaffected by the Handler's attempts to do the same with his one goal of getting back and saving his family. She doesn't understand it either, because all she sees are his other traits - his pragmatism, his intelligence, his dissatisfaction with his own body image, and thinks if she can make him look how he wants to look ("we're all looking for happy"), that'll be enough to let his natural affinity for Commission work take over. She vastly underestimates his dedication.

(And also just his love for his siblings, like, I'm framing this potentially too much as a "he does this so he can't be manipulated" decision, and there is some truth to that, but if that were solely the case he'd only be focused on stopping the apocalypse. No, Five cares so much about his siblings that he's willing to compromise with them on nearly everything, even though stubbornness is kind of his thing, and even though he's been trained to believe they're lesser than him. He seriously debates letting the apocalypse happen if it'll save them. The reason they get under his skin (when other people underestimating him don't nearly as much), is because some part of him genuinely values their opinion. Five says he's not looking for happy, but I don't think that's true - it's just that happy for him isn't made of personal gain, but rather finding a place in his family he doesn't have to fight for)

[mamaimpala67]

Scars

Words: 3386

Warning(s): Language, Self Harm, Drug Use, Depression, Song Fic

Request: Hey❣️Can I get a deanxSamxlittlesis story? She lives w/ them but she's feisty & always gets into trouble? She hides her self-harm scars & lies about it but they slowly figure it out & confront her force/her to show them? She tries to run away & they're both mad bc this isn't the first time & she had promised to stop. Time goes by & they find her cutting again & on drugs & is dangerously skinny & they're furious/confused but Cas comes & tells the boys about her eating disorder? Idk I need this rn

Glancing down the hallway, you ducked into the bathroom that was directly between yours and your brother’s room. As you entered, you turned and locked the door, letting out a sigh. You pulled the pack of unmarked cigarettes out from the inside pocket of your jacket. You walked to the toilet, sat down on the lip and took one of the sloppily rolled joints from the package and grabbed the lighter from the front pocket of your jean shorts. Placing the cig between your lips, you flicked on the lighter, and used the other hand to cup the flame before you lit the end of the joint, inhaling a large puff of the smoke. You clicked the lighter shut and shoved it back into your pocket. Pulling the joint away from your lips, you let a cloud of smoke flow from your lips and your nostrils.

The jean jacket that Sam and Dean had gotten you for your birthday was riding up on your arms, exposing the faded and fresh scars that riddled your wrists and forearms. Most were horizontal, but a select few of them were vertical. Each scar represented something to you - a continuous line of failures that came from your life and your actions. The longer the line, the more serious the failure. Using your stained fingernails, you began to trace each scar and even began to sketch invisible lines into your skin where you planned on expanding on your collection later on in the day.

You took another drag and let it out. The cloud of smoke began to dance around your head before spreading to the rest of the room. Already, the drug was beginning to take affect on you. You took a glance at the lit end of the drug and shook your head. It was stronger than last time. You specifically told Scott that you wanted the same strength as you got before. You shrugged and inhaled it again. You paid the same price for a stronger drug. It was Scott that was losing the money, not you.

The joint didn’t take that long to finish, considering the long drags you too. Once it was down to nothing but a small, lit nub, you glanced at it and rolled up your sleeve. Near the joint that connected your forearm with your upper arm, you pressed the end of the cigarette to your arm, hissing at the burning sensation you got from it. The smell of burning skin and marijuana filled the rest of the bathroom, creeping underneath the door and seeping into the rest of the Men of Letter’s bunker.

Suddenly, a loud hammering sound came from the door. The wooden door rattled with the force of the knock. This caused you to jump and drop the joint on the floor. You sighed and picked it up.

“(Y/N)!?” Sam’s voice came from outside and he sounded pissed, like your brothers normally were when they were around you. “What the hell are you doing in there?”

“Taking a shit!” You called back and shook your head.

“Bullshit. Come out here, now.” He growled.

Already, your eyes were starting to get bloodshot and you had a strong urge to buy some bacon soda. You put the end of the joint inside of the box that Scott had given you and then stood up, putting the pack back inside of your jacket, standing up straight. You rubbed your hands down your face and then shook your head frantically. You walked over to the sink and turned on the cold water. It shook you awake and made you shiver. You took your time to wash your hands in the ice cold water. When you were done, however, you shook your hands, the water splashing on the mirror and the corner of the sink and wall. You then turned and opened the door. Sam stood there, blocking your exit. His arms were crossed angrily.

“You were smoking.” He stated.

You shook your head and looked down. ‘I wasn’t smoking.” You mumbled under your breath.

Sam uncrossed his arms and tilted your chin up. You closed your eyes. Without asking, Sam used his index and middle finger to open up your eye. You pushed his hand away. He could see the red color that covered your eyes. He shook his head.

“You’re high.” He said.

“No, I’m not.” You told him and shook your head.

“Give me the drugs.” He held out his hand.

You narrowed your eyes. “I don’t have any.”

Sam shook his head. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you out from the way of the bathroom. He put your arm behind your back, causing a whine to fall from your lips. He began to pat you down, moving from your back to your front. He felt the bulge in your jean pocket and opened your jacket, pulling out the pack of joints. Your eyes widened.

“Give it back!” You shouted and tried to reach for the pack. Sam held it out of your reach and opened it, seeing the bumpy, white rolls. He narrowed his eyes at you.

Without saying anything else, Sam let you go and stormed down the hallway. You began to panic, panting as you ran after him and tried to grab the pack from him, but it was all to no avail. He held the pack right above his head so that you were unable to reach it. Tears brimmed the corners of your eyes.

“Give it!” You shouted, voice shaky.

Sam led you to the kitchen where Dean sat, munching on his lunch. Once Dean saw the two of you, he frowned.

“What’s going on here?” He asked.

“I found her smoking again.” He said as he tossed the pack to Dean. You tried to retrieve it, but was unable to before he caught it and brought it close to himself.

“Give it, please!” You began to sob childishly.

Dean stared at the pack of drugs and growled. He stood up. He walked over to the counter, took the joints out of the pack and began to break them apart. Your eyes widened. “No!” You screamed as you tried to grab them. Dean turned on the water and began to flush the individual pieces down the drain. You stared down with watery eyes. Your lip quivered and your hands shook violently. You began to hit Dean weakly with your fists. “Are you stupid!?’ You shouted.

Dean grabbed your wrists and stopped you from hitting him any longer. His eyes were filled with a mixture of disappointment and anger. You sobbed, as if you had lost someone close to you. Your knees started to feel weak.  

“I paid two-hundred dollars for those!” You cried. “You threw away two-hundred dollars!”

“I don’t care (Y/N),” Dean shouted. His hands moved from your wrists so that he could grasp your shoulders roughly. He shook you. “Why do you feel like you need to do drugs, huh!? You shouldn’t do it! If we catch you doing it again, there’s going to be some consequences.”

“I’m twenty years old, you can’t tell me what to do.”

Dean growled. “Yes, I can, and I will.” He let go of your arms. “Go to your room.”

“No.” You clenched your fist.

“Go to your room, (y/n).”

“No.” You felt the tears flow down your face.

“Go!” Dean pointed to the door.

You inhaled and felt as if you were going to fight back, but you just clenched your fist tightly and stormed out of the room. You ran to your room and slammed the door shut. You collapsed onto your bed, curled into a ball, and began to cry. Within seconds, you tossed off your jacket and reached for the knife that you kept underneath your pillow for safety. There was a small section of dried blood located at the tip of the blade. You knew, that night, you were going to add some new stains to the knife.

Twenty minutes later, you had cut three horizontal lines into the tops of your arms. The blood was dripping down your forearm and landing on the bed sheets that you didn’t plan on changing. You eyed the backpack that was in the corner of the room. With eyes wide, you tossed the knife onto the floor and ran to the backpack, grabbing it. You began to throw clothes from your dresser and closet into the bag, not taking note on what you were taking and what you were leaving. It didn’t take long for you to fill the bag to the top. You took two minutes to try and close it. Stuffing your phone and wallet into your jean shorts, you put your jean jacket on and headed out of the room.

At that moment, you were not going to let anyone stop you. Not Dean. Not Sam. Not yourself. Not anybody. Your eyes, bloodshot and tired-looking, hid a look of determination behind the high. You stormed passed the kitchen and by the library, making your way up the stairs. You heard a pair of footsteps behind you that were frantically rushing towards you. Before you could even reach the door, long arms wrapped around you and picked you up. You let out a scream and kicked your feet.

“Let me go!” You screamed, growling.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Dean asked as he carried you down the stairs.

“I’m leaving.” You said. “And I’m gonna get a place of my own so that I can-”

“What!?” Sam spoke. “Get high and then die on your own?”

“At least I’ll die doing something that I love.” You growled.

Dean rolled his eyes and set you down, turning you around. He placed his hands firmly on the same spot that he had before, which was the exact same spot that you had cut merely twenty minutes ago. You winced. Dean frowned and hesitated before he pushed your jacket off, pulling your arm towards him. He saw the three lines that you had created and his expression slowly softened.

“(Y/N),” He breathed and studied the scars. He looked at you and shook his head. “You told us you stopped.”

“I also told you that I stopped taking drugs.” You mumbled and shook your head carelessly.

Dean looked at Sam, who had a sympathetic look and a long frown on his lips. He shook his head. Dean went to pull you into a hug but you shoved him away. You stared at the two of them. The silence between the three of you was horrible and deadly. When the brothers had nothing to say, all you could do was shake your head and snatch your jacket away from Dean before storming off to your room.

“(Y/N),” Dean breathed, reaching for you. You kept walking, though. He looked at Sam and gestured down to you. “Follow her.” He said. “Make sure she doesn’t do anything.”

Sam nodded as he began to walk after you as you made the trek down the hallway to your bedroom. When you reached it, you stood inside for a minute before you went to slam the door shut, but Sam’s hand stopped the door. You snarled, scrunching your nose up and glaring at your brother as he tried to push the door open. You shook your head.

“Get off Sam.” You said in a small and weak voice.

“Please, (Y/N), let me in.” He begged.

You shook your head and pressed your hand against his chest firmly, shoving him away and slamming the door, locking it. You turned your back and pressed your back to the door, sliding down it. Fresh tears began to form within your eyes. You sat there, quietly, and sobbed.

Dean was bending over the table, palms pressed firmly against the glossy surface. His eyes were closed as his brother entered.

“She locked herself in her room.” Sam informed him.

Dean frowned, his head shooting up at the news. He glanced at Sam with wide and worried eyes. “She what!?”

“Locked herself in her room.”

Dean stood up straight. ‘We have to get that door open.” He said before he turned and hurried out of the room. Before he could get far, however, Sam grabbed his arm. Dean furrowed his brows. “Sam, what the hell are you doing? She might hurt herself.”

“And you really think that tearing her door off will help? All we’ve done is hound on her over and over again and does it look like it’s working?”

Dean opened his mouth, but slowly closed it, his shoulder slouching. “What do you say we do then?”

Sam sighed and shook his head. ‘I don’t know.” He said. “Maybe...maybe Cas can help?”

“What will I be able to help with?” The familiar deep, gruff voice echoed throughout the library and the brothers turned towards the angel. Castiel had his head cocked to the side.

“We caught (Y/N) smoking again.” Sam explained. “And...and cutting herself, and now she won’t let us into her room. Do you think that you can flash into her room and see if she is alright?”

“Sam, she put up wards to keep angels out, remember?” He raised a brow. “But I can read her thoughts if you would like.”

“Yes, yes, please do that.” Dean said frantically, running his fingers through his short hair.

Castiel gave a small nod. He closed his eyes, scrunching up his face to concentrate. The boys waited patiently for the news.

“She’s sitting in front of her door,” he began. “Crying. She’s...thinking about how she’s a failure. About how you and Sam both hate her.”

Sam and Dean both frowned. “We don’t hate her.”

“She thinks you two do.”

Sam shook his head head. “We don’t hate her. Her drug addiction is out of control.” He said.

“She spent two hundred dollars on joints.” Dean said.

Castiel opened his eyes. “(Y/N) thinks she’s a disappointment to the two of you for doing all the drugs.”

Sam looked down. “Dean, it makes sense.” He said.

“What?”

“She’s hurt because she thinks that we’re disappointed in her, so she turns to the cutting, so then she turns to drugs to hide the pain, and then she thinks we are disappointed in her for taking the drugs. It’s one big circle. Wash, rinse, repeat.” He said.

Dean frowned, glanced at the ground, and then at Sam. ‘You’re right.” He said. “Well, what’re we going to do?”

“Why don’t you two try talking to her?” Castiel said and shrugged.

“She won’t open the door.” Dean shook his head.

“It still doesn’t hurt to try.” He said.

Dean looked at Sam, giving him a small nod. Him and Sam walked through the hallway to your door. They frowned and walked slowly once they got close enough. Your sniffles and cries could be heard. Sam and Dean frowned, glancing at each other. It hurt them to hear you cry and to hear what you thought. Their hearts clenched at the thought of you ending your life from the cuts or from an overdose. It would hurt them to see you go, and a part of them didn’t think that you saw that.

Sam walked up to the door first, knocking on it gently with his knuckles. “(Y/N)?” His voice was soothing, calm, and collected. “(Y/N), can we talk to you?’

No response but your cries.

Dean stepped closer to the door, eyes averted to the ground. “(Y/N)?”

Again, only cries.

The brothers met eyes with one another. Sam shook his head and turned around. He decided to sit down on the ground, back leaning against the door. Dean frowned, but followed. Sam knew what he was doing. He was a smart kid and knew how to handle you better than either of them, especially when the three of you were younger.

“(Y/N)?”

“(Y/N), please talk to us.”

“Please?”

They would go back and forth with talking, trying to edge you into talking to them. Still, you gave them the silent treatment. For awhile, they said nothing, not able to think of anything else comforting enough. Suddenly, Sam raised his brows.

“You got your phone on you?” He asked.

Dean furrowed his brows. “Yeah, why?”

“Let me see it.”

Dean grabbed his phone from his pocket and handed it to his brother. Sam searched through his playlists before he selected a song, putting the volume at full blast, setting it right in between them. Dean gave him a confused expression before the song began to play. Dean then raised his brows and nodded as the music began to flow through the tiny speakers on the device.

I heard there was a secret chord,

That David played and it pleased the lord

But you don’t really care for music

Do ya?

It goes like this

The fourth the fifth

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah.

The cries from your room slowly seized. The boys glanced at each other as the music continued to play. Shuffling was heard from your room before the door slowly opened.

I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch

I told the truth

I didn’t come to fool ya

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the lord of song

With nothing on my tongue but

Hallelujah

Sam and Dean stayed sitting on the ground as they looked up at you. Your eyes were bright red from a mixture of the drugs and tears. That song, Sam knew, was the only way to get you out of the room. It was the one song that you grew up on. The one that used to be sung to you when you were down and depressed. It worked back then and, not surprisingly, it worked now.

You walked over to them and collapsed between them. They caught you in their arms and brought you close to them. You sobbed. Sam and Dean placed one of their hands on your back and began to rub it smoothly. Your heart rate began to slow and you moved closer to them.

“We love you (Y/N),” Sam said. “And we just want you to be safe.”

“I hate seeing you when you’re like this, kid.” Dean said. “When you have those red eyes. Your eyes are so beautiful, why would you do this to yourself?”

You sobbed, cries coming out of your mouth in a high pitch. “I don’t know.” You admitted, tears falling to the floor and covering the phone that played the music.

Sam and Dean sighed. “We’re here for you.” Sam said.

“Yeah, we’ll never leave you. We just want you to get better. To be happy. To be yourself again.”

You shook as the sobs slowly came to a halt. You sat up, eyes wide and hands shaking, rattling like an earthquake. “Help me…” You whispered, lip quivering. “Help me.”

It broke their heart to see you that vulnerable, but it made them feel relief to know that you were asking for the one thing that they knew you would have denied one short hour ago. They both nodded. Dean leaned forward and cupped your cheeks.

“We will help you in any way that we can.” He said, giving you a confident nod.

You stared into his eyes, searching for that look of disappointment that you always saw on a daily basis. That day, however, the illusion seemed to vanish. All you could see was strength and love within his emerald orbs. Looking over, into Sam’s eyes, you could see the exact same thing. No longer the invisible disappointment, but the love and adoration that you distinctly remember being present when the three of you were younger. It made your chest warm up. With a nod, you leaned into their touches, sniffling. As you felt yourself relax into their hold, the sorrow no longer filling your heart, but rather the joy and relief that you had been wrong the entire time, you heard the song slowly fade, the words marking the moment with the one thing that saved you and your relationship with your brothers.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah…..

[ookamitsu]

50 more interesting questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

tagged by @acrispyapple​ this was very long 

1. What kind of food can’t you stand? really spicy food, tho recently i’ve been getting better at handling spices. Also food that has cauliflower or cilantro

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? I’d love it if my fish tanks could magically clean themselves and feed the fish, that’d be great

3. Have you got any useless talents? is not being affected by the caffeine in coffee a talent? 

4. If you were really really good at one thing, what would it be? Probably drawing. I have soo many ideas but hardly any artistic talent lol. 

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking gdragon and top from bigbang

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? I wasn’t allowed to go outside really when I was younger so all I did was read books, watch tv, rewatch disney movies and harry potter movies over and over. 

7. What is something you’re proud of? eh, I don’t think i’ve done anything worth being proud about yet...ask me again when I have a career

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? I hate when people don’t have proper manners, it’s so annoying. 

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? oh a follower for sure. I am but a humble, shy sheep~ leading requires effort lol and it just isn’t interesting for me. Although, if i’m forced into a leadership position I’ll do well, it’s just that I do want to do it. 

10. What kind of student are/were you? a pretty good kiddo. Never gto into trouble, and besides my ap physics grade back in junior year I never had low grades. Had to stay in tip top shape academically in order to get anything I wanted and not be disowned by my mom lol. 

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? eh I don’t really think so but maybe

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion SPIDERS, they’re the devil’s animal haha. so that and most most insects ughhh 

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? hmmm...maybe the mc from kiss him, not me? She’s into weeb shit, I’m into weeb shit. She likes yaoi, I like yaoi lol but she is way more into it than I will ever be. Also she’s surrounded by hot guys, which I am not and that is the ultimate tragedy. 

kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I’m still underage so i dunno. Ask me again in January when my bff turns 21, I’ll let you know. At parties I’m super awkward so I’ll either just stand around looking really awkward or follow my friends around. 

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? it’ll take a loooong while. I don’t trust guys (or most people). you can’t unlock my tragic backstory that easily if  you date me. 

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? one. I love having close bonds with people because then I won’t feel lonely. Also who needs that many friends. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? I like to have things clean for the most part. Though I might get really lazy and just throw things down and not put them away for a few hours lol. Also my desk can get pretty messy sometimes and becomes a sort of organized chaos, but I’ll always fix it anyway since the mess will eventually bother me. 

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy. Somewhere where the weather isn’t terribly hot or cold in their respective seasons and is overcast  most of the time. Or Loches, France. I freaking love that place it’s really nice.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? I’d love to have kids, at least 3. 

20. What was your favorite book as a child? I used to read the goosebumps and fear street series a lot. Also harry potter, a series of unfortunate events and the chronicles of narnia (Though fo some reason I couldn’t remember the books in that series at all but luckily @acrispyapple​ told me to reread it and now I have renewed love for it) 

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about yeah fidget spinners are pretty dumb and I see them wherever I go. 

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated learning how to type properly? I think a lot of people barely know how to type and it upsets me to no end. I hate when people finger peck at the keys, they’re so slow.

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? hmm, maybe natsume takashi from natsume yuujinchou. Mostly becuase I really like him. Also being attached to him means I can cuddle nyanko-senesei. Or Nikkari Aoe from touken ranbu because I love him too. 

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? travel all over! 

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? I don’t like confrontation so I keep my mouth shut usually. 

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? hmm, not sure

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? *war flashbacks of being emo*

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? I admire people who can speak their minds without fear, of course they also have to have tact. Also the kind of people who are so good at leading that you’ll naturally want to follow them.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) people like to give me things with cats bc cat’s are God’s greatest gift to humanity. I appreciate money just a little more though lol. 

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? Yup. English, French, and Japanese. I really want to learn Korean, German and Spanish but I usually spend half of my free time on continuing japanese studies so we’ll see. 

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? Neither. I like the suburbs. Either that or smaller cities at least. 

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? sarada uchiha. When I first saw her at the end of naruto i kinda automaically hated her because I hate sakura. But ever since gaiden and the boruto movie I saw her personality and realized that I lover her haha. So whenever I see her in a boruto ep I’m pretty happy. 

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? nope, I get so uncomfortable. I’m happy enough to not be noticed. 

34. Favorite holiday? Christmas! I’m so obnoxious about it haha. I love singing Christmas songs and I’ll gladly sing along to the Christmas music that plays in stores and stuff. 

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? a bit of both. For the most part I’m go with the flow but for most important things that happens outside of home life having some kind of plan is logical and for the best .

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) the dragon age series and mass effect series. 

37. What hobbies do you have? reading, running this crap blog, doodling, studying, video games

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? the ability to make things clean themselves. 

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you I’m super lazy! I give off the impression that i would never ever be lazy which is just a lie lmao. That doesn’t mean I won’t do the work that I have to do. One can’t be remiss about those things you know, you’ll set yourself up for failure that way. I just hate wasting energy  

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out  I can’t work @cyniccat​‘s sewing machine properly for the life of me.

41. Worst injury you’ve had? I accidentally ripped the skin off of one of my toes with a door. 

42. Any morbid fascinations? idk

43. Describe your sense of humor eh idk, I like sarcasm since I have such rapier wit. I also love really lame jokes lol. but I usually find most things 

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? well I wouldn’t want to live in another era because they weren’t such fun times for poc’s. But If I could live in another place, I’d rather live in either Canada or France. Maybe Japan. 

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at I can’t summarize that well without rambling. 

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through school. Even though it made my cry and my workload stressed me out I met my best friends there and more importantly I got an education. 

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) I don’t want a tattoo ever, so the ugly one but like what’s so offensive about it??

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? for a pessimist i’m pretty optimistic 

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? “you fight good”. uh i’m not sure. I don’t take compliments well so even if it was the most flattering thing I probably wouldn’t believe whoever said it and just awkwardly laugh and say thanks. 

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you hmm people who don’t know me think I like talking irl. I’m more of a listener. 

i’m only tagging two people bc I like to see them suffer with me but this is open to anyone who wants to do it

@krazy19kat @dicksoutforzarkon

[originaljediinjeans]

MCU Rewatch: “Avengers: Age of Ultron” (2015)

This post isn’t as long as the one I wrote for Avengers but it’s still pretty long.

In all fairness, after The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier, it was fair to expect Age of Ultron to be just as good, but it shouldn’t have been a surprise that it wasn’t.

But some kind of end-credit scene would have been nice.

The Bartons’ farmhouse has a very nice kitchen

The real villain of the film is the Mind Stone. The opening shot of the film is the Sceptre. The Mind Stone created Ultron and gave him his incentive to destroy the world and attack the Avengers--whether due to some scientific reaction or intentionally. Re: my theory that the Infinity Stones should be regarded as actual “characters”, AoU demonstrates it

The main characters are: the Maximoff twins, Tony Stark, and Clint Barton. 

The Avengers

By the time the film opens, the Avengers have been taking down Hydra and they’ve been unstoppable.

The team has a working relationship with JARVIS--we see at least Steve talking to him

Their teamwork is incredible. Steve is sharing his shield with Nat. I’m sure she’s not the only one but we got her doing it onscreen and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Also Clint tossing the Shield to Steve; the team throwing the robots to each other to beat up, it’s great to watch

The scene in Klaue’s hideout: the big 3 confront Ultron while Clint and Nat are waiting in the shadows

“Code Green” only happens occasionally, not every time

Does that mean Banner plays the “man in the chair” on other occasions from the QuinJet?

On their various missions, they have fought other “enhanced” people

The Avengers have their own satellite. It’s not just Veronica on there, they’ve got surveillance and stuff. It probably helps with their communications.

Wolfgang von Strucker let the other Hydra bases be found bc they didn’t concern him or his experiments. But he didn’t think the Avengers would come for them. An arrogant miscalculation.

But he’s also a coward

Hydra has always more or less wanted an army of super-humans. They weren’t satisfied with just the Winter Soldier--and how could they be?

Ulysses Klaue was in contact with Strucker and they had talked very recently

Golly these people are just disturbing

The Maximoff twins are indeed punks

Tony Stark:

By the end of the film, Steve takes Thor and Tony’s word for it that alien threats are still out there. But Steve doesn’t understand how seriously Tony takes that threat and how personally it affects him

Part of it is because no one was really listening in the scene after Ultron awakens when Tony talked about those fears. As soon as he said “Do you all remember when I went through a wormhole?” they thought he was expressing self-pity. They told him to minimize those fears at least momentarily because Ultron was the bigger issue at the moment.

Also Tony never told the rest of the team about the dream Wanda gave him. 

Probably because he didn’t think they would listen. Chances are, he was right on that count.

Steve and Tony aren’t super-close friends like the way Steve and Bucky used to be. But they were friends. They had a cordial working relationship. So those of you saying Tony in Civil War saying “So was I” was an arrogant assumption are incorrect--but those of you saying Steve at least owed Tony some personal loyalty are also correct.

Tony’s dream: Why didn’t you do more? Tony isn’t just afraid of aliens returning. He’s afraid of his own inadequacy. He’s afraid of failure.

Tony knows the team doesn’t understand what he’s been through. Tony also knows that the team doesn’t understand what the possibility of a permanent solution means: because some of them don’t have real “homes” to go to. And Tony kind of wants to end the personal hell he’s been living in for the last seven years. If he can. I think by the end of this movie Tony realizes that maybe finding something to replace the Avengers isn’t the best idea

There also is kind of something suspicious about him creating an AI that immediately attacked him and his friends. Maybe the Mind Stone tapped into Tony’s self-loathing and his...distrust of the others. IDK how that would already have been written into Ultron but remember we are dealing with cosmic forces here

It’s nice that even without an AI that Tony still has working internet in his suits

Ulysses Klaue knew Tony Stark well enough to recognize one of his catchphrases. What aren’t you telling us, Tony? (Chances are I don’t wanna know, actually)

Trying to harness forces that you don’t understand to solve your personal problems and everybody else’s problems is just a terrible way to deal with life

Watching Tony attempt that is not fun.

The Banner-to-Hulk and back transformation is painful and uncomfortable

Strucker had a chitauri slug monster in that vault. Tony’s PTSD was triggered as soon as he entered the room. Wanda just pushed him over the edge.

Thor had been looking for the sceptre since SHIELD fell. You have to assume that SHIELD had it in some kind of security--or they thought they did. All Strucker had to do was to contact the right Hydra sleepers and he had it for his personal use.

The Mind Stone created Ultron. Also Strucker created the robot bodies. Tony Stark did not create Ultron. Got it?

I like the party scene because it shows how some of the 06 have a life outside of Avenging.

Are those old vets at the party people that Steve knows/has met, or did Tony invite them?

Ultron wearing the mysterious cloak is super dope and my brother agrees

One of the weaker points of this film is that a lot of exposition happens in scenes in between the big action sequences. Like, exposition that explains tiny technical details

Fury and Hill absolutely pwned that Robot

Seeing Peggy in Steve’s dream kills me. Every time.

Natasha: 

Wanda convinced Steve to not trust Tony Stark

At the very least, Steve (A) was very aware that Tony dealing with something he didn’t understand behind everyone’s back had gotten them in the Ultron mess in the first place (B) he felt the need to tell Tony that doing so again was a bad idea, and (C) walking into the lab and seeing Tony already messing with it did not improve things

This whole thing really could have been avoided if someone else had taken Barton to the QuinJet and Thor had personally retrieved the scepter instead of letting Tony do it

Civil War really actually almost started over the cradle

But then Thor showed up and he didn’t say anything to explain stuff, he just did his thing with the hammer and the lighting

Also the tragedy at the end could have been avoided if someone had locked up the QuinJet, or even just hopped it over to the Helicarrier when it showed up--not like anybody had time but still

Thor saves a lady from falling--and she looks up and sees him--is that adoration in her face?

Laura tells Clint that he needs to look after the team and make sure they can work together, subtext: the world kind of depends on it

Helen Cho: *sass*

Clint has probably always wanted to bring the other Avengers to the farm. 

The Barton Farm probably has really great internet security. Probably the best SHIELD had to offer before it fell.

Did anybody get any real sleep while they were at Bartons?

Because it seems to me like the only time the Avengers got any sleep was during their trans-continental flights--but even then whatever jets they were flying in probably weren’t that comfy to sleep in

Ultron takes turns with each of the Avengers to pick a fight with them. He gets real pleasure out of intimidating each of them.

Sokovians hates America. They’ve been under communist rule for most of the last century so what do you expect? They hate American capitalism. They hate Tony Stark because that’s what he stands for. They hate the Avengers because that’s what they represent--or what people in an impoverished country in eastern Europe think they represent

(My headcanon is that American businesses tried to build there and they’ve made it harder for the local economy)

At some point back in the 90s, there was a war in Sokovia and one of the sides happened to be using contraband Stark Industries weapons. That’s what happened. I think Wanda figures that out sooner or later that it wasn’t directly Tony’s fault. If she doesn’t know already.

Wanda and Pietro Maximoff volunteered for Strucker’s experiments so that they could fight for their country. They joined the Avengers for the same reason. After Pietro’s death, Wanda joins the Avengers partly because she doesn’t have anywhere else to go, but she also wants to continue to fight the good fight and make the world a better place

Ultron knew about the Winter Soldier and after he had destroyed the planet I’ll bet you he would have gone to look for Bucky’s remains and then chewed on the metal arm like a drumstuck

the deleted/extended version of the Water of Sight scene was kind of better. They should have at least kept in the shot of Thor drinking the Asgardian liquor to stiffen his courage

Did his buds bring him that?

The scene with Laura and Clint in the bedroom is so tender. Screw what anybody else says, I love that Clint has a family. I’ve admitted this before, but I initially wrote Clintasha into my fanfic, but it just didn’t feel right. Laura and the little Bartons are what I needed 

(Because my Jedi OC who goes to the MCU is Clint’s adopted cousin)

Also, Auntie Nat. Clint and his family have adopted Natasha. I’m just in love with Clint taking in other orphan superheroes. ^_^

Nick Fury is basically the Avengers’ Dad and he knows it

Steve knows that the world he lives in now is different from the one he saved back in the 40s, and he knows that he’s a different person now. But that being said, his arc in this film is still heartbreaking to watch

Tony and Steve are both offended on a personal level that Vision can lift the hammer

When Wanda watches Vision coming out of the cradle, it isn’t “love at first sight”, it’s “okay the monster that Ultron created is out of the bag and it’s alive now, what’s it going to do?”

From my brother: Ultron should have known that Wanda Maximoff was going to “read” what was happening inside of the cradle

Also my brother: Ultron should have just flown off in the QuinJet

Ultron is just all kinds of unbalanced and he is scary

Overall, Age of Ultron isn’t as good quality as some previous MCU films but it still has a lot of epic action, it’s awesome and fun to watch

Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff:

I’ve said this before and I’ll say this again, the only reason I haven’t accepted other people’s theories about how BruceNat was fake or tried to retcon it myself is because I have made bad relationship decisions, I’ve tried to rush into relationships with people I wasn’t compatible with or didn’t know well yet, it’s part of being human

It’s still the worst part of the movie

I didn’t take it personally, I just...ugh

It’s poorly written and it makes no sense for their characters even if they do have a certain kind of working relationship. Even if you don’t ship Natasha with anyone else it’s terrible

The Hulk responds to touch from another person and it relaxes him

The Hulk does have some kind of relationship with Black Widow: he responds to her and he tries to protect her

Bruce Banner is also pretty comfortable with Natasha

Natasha’s lines in this movie really aren’t that great

We did, however, get the Red Room Flashbacks and a lot of kick-butt Black Widow action

The fact that Natasha talks about the trial of being artifically sterilized while the actress playing her was pregnant is kind of disgusting. Really disgusting, actually. But on the other hand (I think partly because of ScarJo’s pregnancy) Natasha is kind of emotional in that scene. Her voice is choking. She empathizes with Bruce and she tries to tell him as much. 

If there is anything redeeming about BruceNat, it is the thematic value

Natasha values her superhero work and she values the team

Everyone was kind of hoping that taking out Strucker in Sokovia would be the last thing the Avengers needed to do. So Natasha was banking on the fact that after they had stopped Ultron they wouldn’t be needed anymore. She was seriously contemplating running away with Bruce. If there was any possibility for her to step away from it all and have a normal life, she wanted it. She wanted some of that happiness in her life.

“I had this dream that I was more than the assassin that they made me into.” Why does no one talk about this line? That is her best line.

But poor Bruce just goes through the mill in this movie. 

When he comes out of the witch-dream in Africa, is he seeing Banner’s worst fear or the Hulk’s worst fear? Both?

Bruce Banner may feel some guilt with how Ultron turned out.

And the Hulk had a good look at all the terrible destruction he caused.

Did anyone else notice the soldiers with the guns surrounding the Hulk before the Hulkbuster finally took him out?

Hulk just can’t deal anymore, okay? 

And neither can Bruce. So no, now is not the time to elope.

I love the Maximoff twins, okay? Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen did a great job portraying them. And I’m biased because her name is Elizabeth and I’ve been cosplaying Scarlet Witch since months before AoU came out.

In spite of its flaws, I still like how Age of Ultron still has thematic depth. Themes include: Belonging, finding home and family, misunderstanding, being a “monster” versus being “human”. All themes that tie back to the greater MCU.

But yeah, it might as well be just a giant trailer for Civil War and Infinity War.

Age of Ultron and Thor: The Dark World aren’t the best MCU movies but Stan Lee has great cameos in both of them

The way I see it, after SHIELD fell (the world was less safe w/o SHIELD). Steve Rogers learned about Hydra having all these secret bases still in operation and Hydra people who had survived/escaped/not been found yet. That was important enough to him to reluctantly leave the search for Bucky (and hope that Sam Wilson would have some luck finding a person who didn’t want to be found). He called on the other Avengers to help him. Tony Stark decided that it would be a good idea to help out...well, more than a good idea, he knew he needed to help. He may have already had a new suit ready. Pepper had to have been at least semi-supportive at the outset. I don’t know what she heard about Ultron or Sokovia but it must not have been good.

[lingeringscars]

👫 surprise me !

Send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship // accepting 

Siobhan & Tyler: 

He knows about her situation. His dad is the mayor after all, and he once had to go over there. He came back drunk, talking about the servant girl and her mother and how he should have thought about that for his own son. it’d cause him less trouble. he met her at a party and recognized her from what little his dad said and what little research he was able to do because maybe there was someone who would understand what he went through and the abuse that followed living in those toxic environments and no one here got it, not Elena or Caroline or Matt and he just needed someone to understand and that’s why he approached her at the party. He saw the natural seductress, recognized her, and thought, why not. 

He only asked about her morals once. She completely shut down and nearly ripped his head off and he decided he liked living a lot more than he cared about her killing people. He was friends with enough morally questionable people, so who could he be to judge? He didn’t see her as Damon Salvatore or Klaus, so he let it slide, and she’s a good lay. He could handle no strings attached and turning the other cheek for a little bit because at least she was killing those who deserved it. Justification is key, huh Tyler? plus he probably tries after his mom died and he just like runs to her basically and just wants her to make him forget and sex does that 

he doesn’t like admitting how much he actually likes the chase that comes with running after her. It’s exciting and it’s a nice break from running. He’s spent so long running away that it’s great to be the one on the chase again, and she’s the perfect conquest because she’s so locked up tight. She flirts and pushes him away, she doesn’t let anyone get too close, and he wants to be the one to break her. ( he’s always the one leaving a trail of broken hearts, apparently he thought it was his turn to have the broken heart ) 

lmao sleeping with the enemy takes a whole new turn when he finds out that she’s Klaus’ informant that he’s public enemy number 1 and he begins to question literally everything bc she’s a master seductress and what better way to get a guy to expose all of his secrets then by pulling him into bed? so like he starts doubting himself and kind of freaks out and freaks on her too because just talking to her puts him in danger and everyone he cares about ( which probably reluctantly includes her by this point ) and he just runs and pants and breaks down by the water fountain where klaus killed his mother and just looks at his reflection and splashes the water and wonders how he could be so stupid 

Siobhan & Klaus: 

He loves seeing the fear in her eyes. like it literally brings him so much pleasure because he knows that she’s not the type to back down or take shit and her reputation follows her but it’s only thirty years old; his is over a thousand. He loves breaking her and reminding her of who is in charge. 

Similarly, he actually respects her a great deal because she understands self-preservation in a way Katherine never did. He sees a great deal of himself in her, and while that also scares him, he can respect her fire. She fights back, knowing that he could kill her, but she doesn’t run. Tyler and Katherine and even his siblings ran, but she stands her ground and has a bite to match her bark. He appreciates it. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t make it very, very clear who is in charge, going back to headcanon one where he loves watching her quake in her boots. 

He uses her to deal with the people that he just doesn’t feel like putting up with. But eventually he learns to listen to her own hit list and even if he doesn’t care about who “deserves” to die ( to him, it’s anyone that opposes him and threatens everything he’s built ), he does admire her skill and while they’ll never be partners, she could be slightly more than a submissive catty there for the pure purpose of letting him know who is raising against his empire. Anyway, basically he lets her kill the small threats, encourages it really. 

He threw his paintbrush at her once when she wasn’t listening. He wasn’t painting with blood this time, but it was red, and it hit her square in the chest, staining her shirt and splattering across her face. Seeing the paint did a disgusting mixture of disgusting him because it looked like a sloppy kill to turning him on for the same exact reason. i am disgusted w/ u klaus but what can you expect from this monster? Anyway, he ordered her to get cleaned up and she defied him and he used his speed to make it so he was towering over her and was just like “i’m not asking” and yiKES 

Siobhan & Ryan: 

he also knew about what she went through at home, but for an entirely different reason... because they were...gasp..friends?? They were those friends that grew up together and dreamed of a world where they could escape their homes and be okay and safe and happy. they would run away maybe and he’d protect his siblings and she would her mom and they’d be fine. they would sit on her bed and talk about it sometimes and then she started to shut him out and he didn’t understand why until everyone was dead and she was gone. He kind of pieced together the pieces later but never wanted to accept it as true. Even if he understood, he knew what it was like to be the family member that they wish never existed, and he would never resort to murder and he didn’t think she could either ( until she did )

he watched the anger sizzle and bubble and sometimes he blames himself for what happened because he didn’t try hard enough to make her stay. he didn’t try hard enough to get her to talk to him. maybe if he did, her family would still be alive, and she wouldn’t have turned everything inside out to become what she is now. ( joke’s on him bc she was always kind of there, he just never wanted to see it ) ( joke’s even more on him and he knows it bc he’s not going to turn his back on her anyway ). Ryan will never condone murder but he’s not going to turn his back on anyone either, and for some misguided reason, he thinks he’ll be able to pull her back and remind her of what she was and who she could be and the future that’s still there and the good she can still do. that she can make it so that no one needs to go through what she did. 

He went to her after the crash when she was still around and it was a few months before she left and he didn’t know who else to turn to because he had just killed his sister and his dad told him that he wished it was him and he wanted to know how you deal with it and how you get over having a father who doesn’t care that you exist and she told him that you don’t. and basically he hugged her. 

the next time he sees her is in the cemetery. It’s been years at this point, but he still tries to go to her grave once a week, as if he’s searching for penance. He keeps trying to make up for his sin, but really he just needs the punishment, and seeing her grave is a big as they come. He relives the crash almost every single night still, and to make it worse, it’s sometimes coupled with the deaths’ of her household. He calls her name when he sees her, almost doesn’t recognize her at first because she’s...glowing..and looks rich..definitely not the same girl he had known. but she doesn’t answer. and he thinks that he hears her utter that that isn’t her name, but as she’s trying to get away, he sees the gravestone and the rose and he sees the girl that he knew who was clinging so tightly to her last shred of humanity, and he just says i know it’s you and forces her to stop and BYE ( makes it even more painful bc of how easily she could have ran and gotten away but she doesn’t )

Siobhan & Lydia: 

So they also knew each other before it all happened but their friendship was different. it was based around status just like it always was with Lydia, but she liked the optimism that this girl had because of how little Lydia had. She also envied the relationship she had with her mom because Lydia didn’t have that, but she understood what it was like to have a dad like that, and she knew how much you liked keeping it buried. so she took her under her wing almost, invited her over after school, worked on keeping her away from the house for as long as she could, even if she didn’t always accept. 

she took her shopping a lot and bought her clothes that her dad would never let her have. lydia offered to keep them at her house because she knew that Siobhan could and would be a bombshell. I feel like they learned from each other what it meant to be a seductress and used it to their advantage at parties where they both loved messing with other boys and using their powers of persuasion to do it. Lydia loved picking out the biggest douches ( barring Jackson ) and making them think that they would have a threesome only to dump their drinks on their head and walk away arm in arm. it’s basically her favorite past time 

Siobhan is one of the few people Lydia let know of her intelligence, but it’s because she found out on her own. She let too many facts slip through the cracks and sibohan finally confronted her on it and she was so relieved because it was so nice not to have to act for once. she could just be herself and not pretend like she didn’t have a thought in her head besides sex and parties. 

She made Siobhan teach her how to shoot a bow and arrow because it’s the one thing she never really picked up on, and she doesn’t handle failure well. She nearly shot her once trying, though. It didn’t come as easily as Latin or Calculus or finding a way to break the space time continuum and she hated feeling like that, so she spent countless hours working on it and really just thought that being a huntress was really cool because you could kick ass and look great. naturally she bought her a lot of knee high boots as gifts and bright red lipstick so she could be fierce and fight in more ways than one. 

[sumergosuigeneris]

February 28, 2019 Part II

After all the years I’ve been in the work force, I still don’t know how to properly signal to someone that I don’t have time (or the inclination) for chitchat. I feel like I always come up brusque or rude or whatever. In this case, it’s someone who is a very chatty person, so if I see her I know she’s going to try to have a whole convo with me, work-related or not, regardless of my busyness-looking or not. I shouldn’t have made eye contact to begin with.

Payday. I really want to go out for lunch, even though I bought a ramen noodle cup last night. I did it. Got a med-type salad. Not as healthy as you’d think, but also extra expensive. Still, it was yummy.

It’s been so cold for so long that my face has these dry patches that dry up again immediately after putting on lotion. Not gonna lie, I could always drink more water.

Doctor Who and the two species that make up Jadzia Dax, et al have a lot in common.

At this going-away party. DeputyDog brings in one of his kids. She’s shy. I invite her to play foosball. And somehow end up the only person not playing. This is me to a tee.

The meeting with DD was fine. So fucking weird. He tells me this whole story about he’s frustrated b/c he wants to move - better (free) schools, more fun things to do - but his wife doesn’t want to commute. I totally get where they are both coming from. Then he talks about trying to get both his kids in a fancy private school (one is, one wasn’t), and how now that the second one got accepted, they can’t move. So fucking confusing. I thought they were literally, right now, debating moving, but apparently this all happened a while ago?? I don’t know. Then, we did some other work stuff. I don’t know. He’s confusing as fuck.

Anyway, it’s nice. A bunch of people kept asking me if I was going to this party thing. If they had been that welcoming when I first started.....I managed to converse a bit, even with people I strongly dislike. Chatty coworker might be ticked with me.

I’m exhausted. Even though I wasn’t the productive I needed to be, I was still productive. Picked up my prescriptions. I remembered to double-check them, which I would have done even without idiot working, but idiot was working. They still refilled them wrong! Their system doesn’t even flag that they double-filled the prescription they filled the other day - I would have had THREE bottles of the same pill (different strengths).Have to give idiot some credit. I still get confused over the different names for the same med, plus this med vs. the anxiety one, so he caught that they were the same pill. Got gas. Put air in my tires. I returned my late library book. Went to the grocery store. Remembered cat food. Bought a new wallet. Bought a new saute pan. Bought the potato chips my cancercoworker friend likes.

At work, I finished a stupid course for pm. Mostly didn’t pay attention bc it’s about a software package, and I think I need to practice that later. It was an almost 6 hr course, so it took a while. I also read a couple articles. What gets me is people thinking that people with anxiety or depression or whatever just need to get up and confront things, or they have these tricks, and I’m always amazed - you don’t think we try those fucking tricks ourselves? Before we even get bad? Like telling yourself you can get through something if you only can just get started. Or that you’ve done it before, you can do it again. Like no shit. That’s the problem - we’ve done it before, we’ve overcome before, and we’re still frightened and immobilized!

Feeling pretty lonely. Been thinking for a week or so about contacting a few people. But I have no desire to converse at all.

Tried to log in to my apartment account so I could see if I got my insurance refunds. I never signed up? But it won’t let me sign up - says incorrect email address??? So I thought, maybe I did already sign up. Checked- incorrect email address. Will have to talk to rental manager tomorrow.

Also, I ‘bought’ my bar crawl ticket.

And while cooking a fake-ass chicken soup, I did a little cleaning/looking for that damn birth control.

I’ve never understood why I wasn’t in the gifted group (a small group that would be pulled out for extra stuff) until I was in middle school. I was just as smart, capable, and accomplished as them in middle school and high school (putting my great life failures aside). Was it because I’m latina? There were a couple (at least one, my memory is foggy) black kids, so that doesn’t seem likely. Was it because there was a number limit, and they ranked me just after the cutoff? Was it because neither my mother nor anyone else advocated for me? Was it because of my social awkwardness? Was it because I really didn’t reach ‘gifted’ potential until middle school? I know my test scores improved from elementary to middle school. We didn’t really get tested in hs. I did end up being a national hispanic scholar runner up, so I did well on the psat. I think I might have done better if I had known the PSAT was more significant than just being practice for the SAT. I know they only counted the first time for those things. I can’t remember if it was the same for the SAT. I couldn’t afford to take it a second time, but maybe I could have done better and been a national merit scholar if the second time counted.

Anyway, I was embarrassingly attached to my teachers all through elementary and middle school. I am still filled with shame/embarrassment on my behalf. And I was embarrassed at the time but couldn’t stop myself. Or keep my secrets lol. I’m not the best at keeping my secrets now, but I’m better than childhood. I remember wondering even as a kid why they were soooo important to me. At the time, I didn’t really think things were that bad with my mother (it started in 8th grade as I recall), and certainly as a tiny tot she was my best friend.

The other thing, among a bazillion others, that I still wonder about. My fav in middle school, we were pretty tight, at the graduation dance called me a femme fatale. She assumed I knew what it meant. I looked it up after, and it’s (to the extent I investigated which was eh) sexual. So maybe she was misusing it?

Ugh childhood.

Looking forward to Got. Wondering how it will end. Hoping the characters who don’t deserve to be screwed over get satisfying endings.

Brown rice man. I don’t get it, and am not the biggest fan. I like it best when someone else is preparing it. Not sure what I do wrong. I added a bunch to the ‘soup’ I was making, and let it sit to cool down. When I went back to it, the rice had sucked up most of the liquid. So...the remainder tomorrow will be interesting.

I love how in 30rock, all the characters are kind of terrible. Liz’ family is very sketch, if the intimations of nazism are true. And Jack, the thing I was thinking is, Jack is actually a romantic. Always willing to give up everything for his love du jour. And it cracks me up that he spends all his tv time with their show, and not the dozens of other shows. Jane K is so talented and should have a bigger career than she does.

[aqvarius]

lol i gotta ask, why do you hate the romance md mc? i haven’t played the game (i hate love choice) she popped up in ayumu pov and err she seemed a litte eccentric ? lol ppl seem to love her from what ive seen so i would a different perspective on her character.

haha okay so i touched on this a bit in my reviews of takado and hosho but let me try to summarise:

basically, i love mcs i can relate to but also find inspiring? like i like mcs who i can see parts of myself in, enough that i look at them and think “if i try really hard to be a good person, i can be like them”. that’s why even with the masukisu mc, i like her well enough, but i like her the most when she fails and makes mistakes bc perfect characters are so boring. 

anyway with otoge, i know a lot of people are like waaa mcs are too emotional and weak and insecure about everything but (and maybe it’s just because i’m Peak Insecure) i love that? i like it when they’re emotionally vulnerable and feel things and get hurt cause it helps me (1) be able to relate based on my own relationship/love/hurt/failure at work experience and (2) feel more invested in their character and relationship and development bc it’s clear through their emotional responses that they’re falling in love (or overcoming a problem in their relationship or at work/school/etc.). and if you’re like me and read with a semi self-insert intention, then it’s easier for me to fall in love with not just the LI/MC as a couple but also the actual thought of being in mutual love with the love interest. 

so for me the problem with the rmd mc is that she is all surface sass with no emotional substance. i found it very incongruous that she’s supposed to be all meta and love this one (v generic) otome game character but have no interest in real men, because ALL OF RMD’S CHARACTERS ARE VERY CLEARLY OTOME GAME CHARACTER ARCHETYPES. her dialogue with them often reads as like they put 100 points in “snark” and 0 points in any other personality trait. she’s really full of herself (she’s literally in a university/training hospital and somehow thinks she knows better than these elite specialists just bc she’s read a lot of journals??). she’s eccentric in a way that i don’t find particularly cute bc it comes off more as arrogant than passionate to me (maybe bc the writing style for her dialogue is so clinical?)

with someone like hlitf mc, she is righteous to a fault and often will try to like butt in where she’s not needed and be like “noooo i can’t compromise my MoRaLs” but she also has respect for her instructors and is humble enough to know that she does need to listen to their advice, and we often see her fail when she just does it her way without taking their expertise into consideration. because of this, we get to see her self-doubt from the beginning develop into confidence and applicable skill as a working detective. we also get to see snippets where she has to compromise on those morals and overcome adversity to do her job. so we actually get to see her realise her own flaws and learn and grow from them.

however, with rmd mc, we basically never see her have to face any adversity and thus we don’t get to see her develop. she hardly has any inner weaknesses to develop or overcome because she has no personality substance beneath that sassy and nerdy exterior. that’s why she’s only ever interesting when she has the entire crew of doctors in that room off which to bounce dialogue but is so bland when it comes to actual relationship development. her inner monologue as she’s supposed to be falling in love is so insincere because she is written in a way that is very... unemotional? so she goes from “i don’t care about men i only care about READING” to like “what????? i love him????/”  and like if your own first person perspective character doesn’t know or believe she’s in love, then how am i as a reader supposed to suddenly believe it. that’s why i find rmd quite disappointing overall because the LIs actually have good backstories and it would be rewarding to see them gradually open up and fall in love but unfortunately that story is wasted on someone who in my opinion doesn’t allow us to see the full emotional potential of that development. 

for example, there are elements of hosho’s route and rei kamiki’s route (from irresistible mistakes) that i find very comparable, in that hosho and dr mc end up cuddling to sleep a lot and rei and the im mc end up basically sharing a bed to sleep together as well iirc? in both cases, we are confronted with having to deal with growing one-sided feelings in a relationship where there is physical closeness but it’s only platonic. and yet somehow, even tho hosho’s back story is way more traumatic than rei’s, the emotional ride of falling in love, having that conflict and then ending up together is so much more convincing and rewarding in rei’s route because of his mc (i.e. the perspective that we read in the MS). 

also tbh i think i just like softness? i think it’s really clear by my posts that my favourite moments are when LIs who are normally more stoic/mean are all soft and gooey for the person they love. but rmd mc has no softness under her prickliness lmao. anyway i said i would summarise but i ended up ranting again so my apologies if you like this mc but i personally think the only time she reads as interesting is if you literally only see like 5 slide screenshot posts on tumblr bc you can enjoy her being sassy without having to suffer through her lack of emotional substance 

EDIT: i do wanna disclaim that in some more recent hlitf stories/chapters (although can’t remember which ones gave me this impression off the top of my head), i have seen dialogue that sometimes gives me rmd mc vibes. i’m not sure if it’s the same translator/translation team or this is just a trend that voltage is heading towards, but i do remember getting that feeling a couple times and then getting a bit anxious lmao that one of my favourite genuine mcs might be getting corrupted. i haven’t yet been able to pinpoint what exactly it is, but i think it’s that the tone can sometimes come across as blasé or is expressed in a more meme-y turn of phrase where i feel it should be more genuine/sincere? but either way, the writing in hlitf is amazing and we’ve already been given so much wonderful development so i’m not overly worried 

EDIT 2: i also wanna add that i know a lot of people like her nerdiness and sassiness i respect that but let’s not pretend that she’s the first nerdy or sassy voltage mc ever lol. hlitf mc forces ayumu to watch freaking era of samurai code of love and nerds out over old school detective dramas (amongst many other things... mizuki fujisaki.....). im mc is a workaholic and a cat lady who could literally talk for 5 hours about tachibana’s ads. bmp mc is CONSTANTLY sassing all of them, esp prince keith lol. mlfk mc is such a dork. scm mc knows every single Greek myth about the stars. msb mc is a theatre nerd. eitm mc does not ever let miyabi or kyoga get away with their shit. however, they are all still VERY CUTE MCs.

anyway i could keep going on and on but all i’m saying is that in so many voltage games, the mc is CLEARLY the only one with a braincell out of the entire cohort of men and the fact that she is the only person with common sense (while also having her own hobbies and interests) while all these men around her are ridiculous is a great selling point so personally i don’t think voltage needed to overcompensate the way they did and delete her emotional capacity function.