#to outlive the people you love is the only fate worth fearing. i think.

[trevisos]

btw she’s so hot with the blight scarring on her face. i need her

these two are going to kill me dead for fucking real actually

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/9/2023

the best photo i took this week

listening

i have not been keeping up with either the tuesdaypost spreadsheet or the tuesdaypost playlists so there's a strong possibility i have already talked about Joywave's It's A Trip! off the 2017 album Content. spotify

driving ten hours in one day is ideal for listening to albums and i listened to almost every joywave album on my way home from the eclipse. american indie rock band from rochester ny, i have loved them since early college. i think they were made in a lab to get to stuck in my head bc they tend toward lower register synthier tracks that deceptively amble cheerfully along and talk about dealing with fear. songs for a male protagonist to splash water on his face, look at himself in the mirror haunted by what he's seeing, linger in his children's bedroom doorways, and then drive off into the night for the finale.

i think i listened to this song for an hour on loop yesterday bc the chorus so perfectly got stuck in my brain

When you've gotten what you want (Maybe I should start over) There's nothing left to want (Up and at 'em again) You don't know what you want (Yeah, I'm thinking it over) Just tell me what to Want

they have spent a lot of time figuring out how to have longevity as a band: "The record kind of attempts to figure that out but it doesn’t end in a definitive place. For me personally, it’s just to create things that matter as long as I possibly can, and to make things that are going to outlive me that people can hang onto for at least five to six years after I’m dead." they are deeply cranky about virality/content churn, especially in this interview. i appreciate this in an artist.

could not tell you how i first found them. i think i would have to go back to the proto-tuesdayposts of 2018.

-

reading

when you're not sleeping well you can average a book a night!

Uprooted by Naomi Novik destroyed me. (image from here)

“Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley. We hear them sometimes, from travelers passing through. They talk as though we were doing human sacrifice, and he were a real dragon. Of course that’s not true: he may be a wizard and immortal, but he’s still a man, and our fathers would band together and kill him if he wanted to eat one of us every ten years. He protects us against the Wood, and we’re grateful, but not that grateful.”

my best friend real-life influenced me into reading this book and i have since managed to convince four other people to read this book bc i won't shut up about it. the descriptions of the physicality of magic and how different kinds of magic and different families of spells Feel was only part of the coolest magical system ive ever read about. this is not a dark romance but it is a little brutal in a brothers grimm/this is how battles shake out sometime kind of way. i think a companion piece of media written from the Dragon's point of view would nicely parallel that post going around about how Howl's Moving Castle the movie is from Howl's point of view and Howl's Moving Castle the book is from Sophie's point of view. i would die for Agnieszka.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (image from here)

Miryem is the daughter and granddaughter of moneylenders… but her father isn’t a very good one. Free to lend and reluctant to collect, he has loaned out most of his wife’s dowry and left the family on the edge of poverty–until Miryem steps in. Hardening her heart against her fellow villagers’ pleas, she sets out to collect what is owed–and finds herself more than up to the task. When her grandfather loans her a pouch of silver pennies, she brings it back full of gold. But having the reputation of being able to change silver to gold can be more trouble than it’s worth–especially when her fate becomes tangled with the cold creatures that haunt the wood, and whose king has learned of her reputation and wants to exploit it for reasons Miryem cannot understand.

i don't know if i've ever read a book with seven points of view before? i think it was well handled, but it required significantly more brainpower than screaming through three of kingfisher's light fantasy/romances in two days and it threw me a little. saying this book is about debts cheapens it a little, i think. it is concerned with debts but also safety, and it is very much about cost in a very fairytale way and in the horrible everyday calculus of survival way.

Swordheart, Paladin's Hope, and Paladin's Strength by T. Kingfisher. god these go down So smooth. kingfisher has a niche and i respect that. i am reading the Saint of Steel tetralogy out of order bc even four library systems can only do so much, and i don't think you particularly need to read them in order.

i'm a bit cranky that the terfs took feminist fantasy from me, bc when the protagonist got her period in Paladin's Strength a little alarm bell went off in my head and i had to put it down and google some stuff (the answer is no btw). there is a way to write female-focused lightly historical fantasy without being terfy and kingfisher does it, but it's so rare that i was genuinely expecting some sort of. weird agenda to be at play.

these were all fun, fast reads and i don't have much else to say about them! not that they are better or worse than novik's books but they will not live in my head quite as long. there are fewer tantalizing hints about systems of magic that make me want to graph things out u kno

-

watching

kanopy has Animation April as their focus this month which is how i saw The King and the Mockingbird (1980, dir. Paul Grimault) which is a longer piece adapted from something he'd been working on since the 40s.

This animated fantasy tale follows the romance between a lovely shepherdess and a handsome chimney sweep. The land's imperious king falls for the beautiful woman and tries to thwart her relationship, but a kind mockingbird assists the lovers in evading the ruler. At the king's command, the chimney sweep and his bird friend are imprisoned, and they must escape in order to rescue the young man's true love.

GOD the animation in this. there are so many references to early animation and silent film. there are so so so many gadgets and methods of conveyance in an absolutely architecturally dizzying castle. there is a ROYAL MECH that plays its own theme music. the backgrounds have a very Chuck Jones quality in that they are exactly as detailed as they need to be for the gag to work. the castle is lush and beautiful but not dizzyingly, overwhelmingly lush. there is a clear vision to every shot and a clear path your eye is meant to travel, which i appreciate very much. i think a lot of technically impressive animation (i am specifically thinking of the Nimh movies) muddies itself by trying to jam too much on the screen. just a fucking delight of a film. a delicious confection

-

playing

nothing specific to say about genshin this week ur welcome

-

making

painted a frame (it was a dead basic michaels frame i got at a yard sale and it was giving little boy's room) and framed a thing. this is a poster that came as a freebie with a 1997 album, and i actually bought this CD case without the CD inside bc i was so delighted with the poster. scuff sanded the frame with 120 grit, i went with a matte black acrylic bc i felt that disguised how the poster did not quite fit the frame a little better? and also bc it was what i had in the house.

i did not bother with a mat, i just used the lining paper with the stock photo and painted the back of that. do not do this with particularly valuable or beloved pieces. i do not think this is necessarily acid free and there is some danger that the paint may transfer to the back of the poster over time.

[gendervapor14]

hihi can i ask about your thoughts on bellemere's decision to give herself up to arlong because she can't lie about having daughters?? i still don't fully understand her reasoning or if the choice was rational at all. i feel like you'd have interesting insights about this as someone who loves bellemere so much. thanksss!!! :)

hello!! this is a wonderful question and i'm so honored you brought it to me!! i ask myself the same thing regularly XD it's tricky to say for sure! bell-mere is rather quick-tempered and impulsive, so she does make some irrational decisions. like when she struck nami. (and other people's kids.) i get the feeling she joined the navy on a whim, based on the way genzo explained her backstory to nami. even the adoption of nami and nojiko was rash!! so it's fair to assume there was some impulse going into her final choice.

i believe she was also thinking about the future, too. if she kept up the lie that she had no daughters, they'd have to continue to hide and live in fear of being found. if they were found, god only knows what would happen to them. she wouldn't be able to afford tribute for them, so they'd probably get killed. or maybe they'd kill her. something Bad would happen, basically. and seeing as she and genzo are probably the toughest people on the island, and an east blue batch of marines would likely struggle to successfully take down a crew of grand-line fishmen, if they were somehow called in... she realized she stood no chance against the arlong pirates, and they wouldn't magically vanish anytime soon. they would hunt her and her family until someone tripped up and got them killed.

so, she cut to the chase. figured it was better if she died, rather than the girls. maybe there was hope they could outlive arlong. maybe someone would come along and miraculously wipe out arlong. but it wasn't worth putting her daughters lives in so much danger waiting for a hero. genzo loved them too, so i think she had a lot of faith he would take care of them. and pay for them?? i assume? i kind of hate how unclear their fate is. what happened a month after bell-mere's death, i wonder. did genzo help in the grove? how did they sustain themselves? especially nojiko?? the unknown fills me with great amounts of rage lmao

(this whole backstory fills me with rage tbh. it's why i'm working on a fix-it fic where she does lie and cora and law come in to help her out. they all deserve so much better)

but anyway, thank you for asking!! this is just my take on the matter, i'd love to hear some other interpretations if anyone's got 'em! ♥

[savethelastdan]

loving leads to bleeding (and your beauty is a blessing)

SessKagu off-shoot of this one except Akinori lives :) 

originally written for @sweepingtree 

When fourteen-year-old Akinori returns from the fortune teller’s home, he is ashen and quiet. 

This is not like his son, so Sesshomaru waits until the sky is dark and everyone else has retired, before going to the witch’s home himself. 

He hears of a future where he once again wanders alone; where hope sleeps away the years under a blanket of ice and snow; and Kagura screams curses at his back as she folds herself over their child’s corpse. 

Beneath his choking grip, the fortune-teller croaks a curse, if he is to intervene in fate’s design once again. “Your wife, your human daughter - when will it be enough? You must learn to accept grief, instead of forcing it’s hand.”  

But of all things, this is not one that Sesshomaru will accept. 

The Panther King dies the next morning, and Akinori turns fifteen.

-

Seed

“Mama, when will I have a spider mark like yours?” 

Kagura stills. From the hot spring’s shallow end, Akinori’s bright eyes watch her lips curve down. 

His mother is pretty, and thus so is her frown; but he feels guilty all the same. After all, the rare times she frowns are usually because of Papa, not because of him. 

“You won’t.” Dipping her hands in the water, Kagura scrubs at her neck as she answers. “The man who put this mark on Mama is gone now.” 

“Gone?”

“Dead.” When she says it, her lip curls, and since it’s halfway to a smile Akinori feels a bit better. 

He’s five years old, so he knows what death is, of course. Death is the time his big sister burst into tears because a bird flew into the side of the door during a storm; the thing that means he has only a sword waiting for him to grow up, no grandfather to go with it; the girl named Kanna his mother talks about when he sits on her lap by the looking-glass.

Death is sad, most of the time. But from the way his mother smiles as she wades over to wash his hair, maybe it isn’t always. 

-

Bud

“You’re sulking.” It is a statement, not a scolding. And yet, Akinori shrinks when he hears his father’s voice come up behind him. 

Pouting, he pokes his head around the trunk of the tree. Sesshomaru stands there, arms loose at his sides, and waits. 

“It’s not fair.” He points one claw towards the bottom of the hill, where his favorite cousin is still playing with the annoying boy from the demon slayer tribe. “She’s younger than me, how come she’s taller?” 

Sesshomaru scoffs in the back of his throat. “What a thing to fuss about.” 

Akinori is only eight years old, but he burns with what someday will be dubbed a righteous adolescent rage at his father’s refusal to take this seriously. “Papaaaaaa. I’m the strongest one, I should be the leader. But Minako said it had to be the tallest - “

“She’s taller because you have more demon blood. It will take longer for you to grow up.” Sesshomaru’s gold eyes glance over his son; Akinori doesn’t notice, but his wife or even his sister in law could hear the admittance beneath his words that this is not something he dislikes. When Akinori only pouts further, he moves to let a hand rest on his son’s head. “Let her be the leader for now.”

“But - “ 

“Akinori.” Sesshomaru’s thumb grazes the half-moon on the boy’s forehead; the mark of their family. “Let her.” 

The unfairness of it all puts the exclamation out of his chest, as he shoves his father’s hand away. “Ugh, why?” 

Sesshomaru sighs; his hands return to his sides. “Because you will outlive her.” 

Later, Kagura will scold him for saying it like that (as though she is anything other than blunt, herself). Because Akinori is eight, and hearing his father speak so calmly of his family passing away is scary. Scary enough that, when it is time to leave, he wraps his arms around Minako’s neck and shrieks. 

I’ll save you like Papa saved Big Sister Rin! 

Four parents discuss it in hushed (and extremely frustrated) tones that night; Akinori never finds out exactly what they say. 

So death, he thinks, half-asleep on Jaken’s shoulder as he’s carried out of his aunt and uncle’s hut, isn’t only something that happens to people he’s never met. 

It’s something to be feared. 

-

Bloom 

Pulling the blanket over his shoulder, Kagura sits on the side of her son’s bed. Though she’s watched Akinori sleep his whole life, since becoming a teenager he’s found it creepy. Whenever he complains, she just laughs and admits that she can’t help it. 

“It’s like my heart is outside of my chest again, only this time it’s wandering the world and getting into trouble,”  she says to Sesshomaru once. At the time, he hadn’t said a word. But the slight dip in his chin made it clear he’d understood. 

Now, her husband stands in the door, head held high. Some might think it means he’s proud; but Kagura’s spent too many years by his side to be fooled. 

“She said that he was fated to die.” 

Air rips away from her lungs, ready to fasten itself into a sharp weapon; Kagura forces it back, not willing to wake her child. “When?”

“His birthday.” Sesshomaru unfolds the mokomoko from his shoulders as he speaks. When it drops to the floor, out of the corner of her eye Kagura marks spots of blood staining the white. “It has been prevented.”

She thinks of Kohaku, showing off his latest successful hunt to a line of nieces and nephews; Rin, smiling and laughing within a huge crowd of villagers; her own reflection, growing older in the mirror. “Good. I wouldn’t let you come back here otherwise.” 

The statement is an unspoken allowance for him to come closer, and he does. Their sleeves brush as Sesshomaru settles beside her. “The witch spoke of consequences.” 

She says it without thinking. “Whatever they are, they’re worth it.”

For a moment, they are silent; both entirely focused on the sleeping boy. Kagura regains focus first, turning to look her husband full in the face. A speck of blood marks his brow, and she brushes it away with her finger. 

“It’s quite a lot of trouble, loving something this much.” She tries to keep her tone light; it doesn’t quite work, with the weariness in Sesshomaru’s eyes. Kagura lets one hand rest on his shoulder, and the other on the slight swell hidden beneath her robes. “Do you think your heart can handle another?” 

-

Akinori turns fifteen. He is gifted the sword that fights death, and a fan that makes corpses dance. His confidence in wielding each makes his sister shake her head in disbelief, and his mother show all her teeth in a smile. 

His father’s servant, Jaken, drinks too much and tells him the story of his birth. How he, the spawn of a wind demon, had no air in his lungs. How it was only the sword now hanging at his hip that saved him. 

“And now he’s gone and messed with things again! Oh, please try not to worry Lord Sesshomaru anymore, Akinori,” Jaken wails, wobbling back and forth as his eyes roll back. “I don’t think any of us could survive it if you do.” 

Akinori goes to his father, that night, and cries in his chest like a child. Because whether it scares him or saddens him, love is a bigger part of his story than death will ever be.

ALTERNATE (DARK) ENDING:

“It’s quite a lot of trouble, loving something this much.” She tries to keep her tone light; it doesn’t quite work, with the weariness in Sesshomaru’s eyes. Kagura lets one hand rest on his shoulder, and the other on the slight swell hidden beneath her robes. “Do you think your heart can handle another?” 

Sesshomaru’s lips part, but whatever he plans to say never makes it out; instead, he freezes, chest expanding in an inhale. 

“What is it?” Alarm sends her heart pounding hard against her ribcage as her husband’s yokai energy heats and expands, turning the edges of her vision red. 

He reaches over, clearly fighting to be gentle, and pulls the blanket down. Kagura swears under her breath, blood running cold.

On the back of one shoulder, a brown spider’s mark stains Akinori’s skin. 

[bipercabeth]

I CANT DECIDE BETWEEN "I didn’t mean to get blood on your shirt." OR "Please, just let me carry you." FOR THE PROMPTS YOU PICK :D

(tw injury, blood, and near-death)

One of the first things Camp Half-Blood tried and failed to teach Percy was how to stay calm in a crisis. You are worth nothing to the people you love if you lose your mind trying to save them. 

On one hand, he does succeed. More people will die if Percy leaves the manticore unchallenged at the base of Half-Blood Hill, so he stays. For the kids racing to Thalia’s pine. Nothing else. His heart sits in the grass where Annabeth crumpled after the manticore’s spikes drove up her flesh in a line. Percy is just a body—a machine on autopilot. His humanity has fallen.

Killing the monster is easy after that. Percy thinks of the last time a manticore took Annabeth away, and the anger starts a forest fire inside him, one that could level the Long Island forest. Riptide slices through the manticore’s chest like he’s nothing, which is what he becomes. Dust. Ash. Utterly insignificant. 

The sword falls as Percy rushes to Annabeth’s side. It doesn’t make a sound as it hits the soft earth, just a thump in the grass. It should be ugly, loud, cacophonous. It should echo up the hillside in a metallic cry for help. 

Instead it’s quiet. 

Annabeth’s breathing is low, laborious. The manticore’s poison shouldn’t be enough to kill, but she took multiple hits. Spikes peek out of her left side, poison seeping into her shoulder, side, hip, and calf. It darkens her veins in an eerie spiderweb pattern she would hate. 

All at once, Percy is back on the Williamsburg bridge. There she is at his feet, looking up at him through cloudy eyes and dying. Percy made a promise then: no one touches her. Another bullet point on the long list of promises he couldn’t keep. 

Annabeth’s chest shudders with a raggedy gasp. “Perce?” She asks it like she isn’t sure it’s him. Percy wonders how much pain it takes to plant the seed of doubt that he would be anywhere but at her side right now.

Smoke billows from his lungs instead of a response, thick and choking in the wake of extinguished anger. There is only fear now, and after fear, there is nothing. 

This is the bit Percy can never stomach or sit through no matter how many times Chiron tries to drill it into his head. He sees Annabeth struggling for breath and wonders each time if this is the cruel trick the Fates planned for him all along. Percy never expected to live long, but he always expected Annabeth to live longer. From the moment he learned of the Prophecy, not having to live without her was the one certainty he held close to his chest. 

He fumbles for the emergency ambrosia in his pocket and cups Annabeth’s face, telling her he’s here. They don’t need words for this. She turns into the soft embrace of his palm and sighs, her lungs steady for that single exhale. He slips the ambrosia into her mouth and watches her chew carefully. 

“Tastes like you,” she croaks, gripping his wrist. “Your smile at Montauk.” 

That rallies Percy. Annabeth has kissed enough of his sea-born smiles to recognize the taste. He owes her a lifetime of them. 

“Annabeth. Baby, I’m here. I’m gonna get you safe, alright?” 

Her grip tightens on his wrist. “I love you.” 

Percy has to look away from her then. He can’t watch her say those words like they’re going to be her last. Like she wants them to be her last. 

“I love you too. But tell me that later, yeah? When you’re patched up. Please just let me carry you.” 

One of the newer campers runs over the hill, a son of Apollo who stays year-round. His eyes widen at the scene before him, and Percy wonders if this is going to be his first taste of real grief. 

“Will isn’t here,” the kid squeaks. “He’s gone for the weekend. Our next best healer is...” 

Percy is tired, but not unkind. “Spit it out, kid.” 

“Me.” 

A bit of Percy withers, both for Annabeth and the child shouldering an impossible burden. Percy has no choice but to carry them both. 

Determination solidifies in his bones, fortifying him in the wake of an unbearable weight. He gathers Annabeth in his arms and stands, feeling the burn of loss in his muscles. He is weak in the wake of a life without her. 

His feet carry him, perhaps on autopilot, to the creek running through camp. The son of Apollo senses his urgency and runs to iris message a more capable healer they don’t have time to reach. Annabeth is dying, and the poison waits for no one. Percy can feel her life force drifting away like a tug at the base of his spine. If he loses her, he will spend the rest of his life adrift. 

The cool creek water soaks Percy’s shoes, and he folds. By some miracle, he is steady as he lowers their bodies into the stream, thankful to the shallowness for not allowing him to sink. He holds Annabeth in his lap, lets her head tip back just enough for the stream to color her hair darker. It tugs at her curls like a loving hand. 

This is all Percy has left: a prayer that the water will recognize Annabeth as part of him. She is his life. If the water wants to save him, it will start with her. 

He makes the tough choice and pulls the spikes from her body. She is already dying from the poison. The risk of bleeding out is outweighed by the hope that the water will leech the death from her blood. Hope is all Percy has left. No smoke, no ash. The fire is gone. He is nothing but a body holding his bleeding heart in his hands. 

“I love you,” he chokes out, holding her limp neck in his palm. “I’m here. I’m right here. Stay with me.” 

Percy thinks of his dad watching from above, doomed to outlive everyone he has ever loved. The point of refusing immortality was a life full of love at the cost of length. He thinks of every Montauk kiss, how healing has always tasted like home, and how that somehow because synonymous with Annabeth. If she dies here, healing will taste bitter. He will never be able to eat ambrosia again. He will never want to. 

“You promised.” The current of the creek quickens, painting their clothes a darker color. Annabeth’s blood swirls in the water before disappearing downstream. The ground beneath them begins to shake. “I fought, I burned, and I yielded. For this. For her. Heal her.” 

Poseidon answers. The current reverses, washing over their bodies like a baptism, a rebirth. Annabeth’s veins fade back into her skin and the wounds knit shut. With each passing second, a bit of Percy’s heart returns to his chest. He can feel his fingers again. He can feel. Love and light have not died. 

Annabeth’s chest steadies and she gasps, the life returning to her in one fell swoop. She gasps I love you into Percy’s chest like those are the only words she knows, the only ones she’ll have him hear. He crushes her to him, their shirts sticking from the water, and whispers the same into her shoulder. I love you I love you I love you. 

Their grips don’t loosen. They don’t relax. They just cling to each other, fearful of letting go in the face of another brush with death. This is their life; this is why they hold each other so tightly, even in times of peace. 

“I’m sorry.” Annabeth’s voice is too small, detached. Percy pulls back to look at her and finds her staring at his chest. 

“I didn’t mean to get blood on your shirt.” She frowns. “This is one of my favorite shirts.” 

Percy sees the faraway look in her eyes and puts a finger under her chin, ducking until she locks on him. “Hey, easy. It’ll wash out.” He swallows thickly. “I love you.” It sounds like it’s okay. I love you, and you are still here, so it’s okay. 

Annabeth kisses him, ambrosia still on her lips, and it just tastes like her. 

[iturbide]

I’m reading Cursed Fate and now I can’t decide who’s father is a bigger asshole, Chrom’s or Robin’s. This question will haunt my nightmares.

You know there have been three or four people who have said the exact same thing and honestly I think they’re both equally reprehensible?  But I can provide some behind-the-scenes info for you to help you make a more informed decision and likely make your nightmares worse for which I apologize:

The Exalt

The ruler of Ylisse is hardly a kind man, and his children are not exempt from that lack of care.  He has, on more than one occasion, been physically rough with them – never striking, but grabbing and dragging, often leaving bruises (and sometimes doing real damage, especially when the kids were young).  Lissa has tended to get the worst of this, since her brand never surfaced, calling into question in his mind whether she’s truly his…and that rough treatment has understandably made her fear him outright. 

He also had no love whatsoever for anyone who shied away from doing what he deemed necessary to see a job done (which, in his mind, equates to violence).  His relationship with Emmeryn was fraught at best, and unbeknownst to anyone, he actually planned to skip over her in favor of Chrom as inheritor of the halidom’s crown, since he was the only one of the three children capable of wielding Falchion, which to him was the true measure of worth for his successor. 

On top of his treatment of his own family, he not only allowed but encouraged infighting among the noble houses for his favor.  A great deal of the funding that went into his campaigns came from the aristocracy vying for his approval – and he fanned the flames by punishing any who wouldn’t play the game (contributing significantly to the fall from grace Ricken’s family suffered). 

His favoritism was hardly subtle, either: his draft blatantly skipped over the noble houses, targeting only the common folk and severely impacting the halidom’s ability to sustain itself, which is why the war went through quiet spells: the Exalt’s charisma allowed him to keep things from dissolving into civil unrest, if only barely, and he was at least wise enough not to push his agenda further until the masses forgot the past.  He made extensive use of anti-Plegian propaganda for that purpose. 

Validar

Robin’s father strayed more into the manipulation and emotional/mental abuse spectrum, which was a major part of why Wren insisted on limiting his involvement in Robin’s life.  Validar’s visits were always short and strictly supervised to ensure that he didn’t try anything, since no one trusted him with the Heart of Grima – not after his frankly vicious reaction when he realized that Robin had been taken into the custody of Plegia’s king. 

Validar is and always has been fixated on his own goals, nothing more.  He sees people as game pieces, only worthwhile as long as they have something to offer, and once they outlive their usefulness they’re disposable.  Wren fell as much into this category as his Grimleal lieutenants: had she not reached out to the king of Plegia through Mustafa, Validar’s next course of action would have been to kill her with a virulent poison to ensure that he had full control over the Heart of Grima.

Even without Robin in easy reach, Validar never stopped scheming.  He had always intended that, when the time was right, he would raise the fell dragon through the vessel he’d sired, and he fully intended that when Robin returned from his peace mission, he would take his son’s life himself and restore Grima, wiping out Ylisse and anyone else who moved to oppose him.

[lj-writes]

Finn, Kylo Ren, Rey, and the Cycle of Abuse

This is spun off from @jewishcomeradebot‘s post about the parallels and contrasts of Finn and Kylo Ren in TLJ--how they both kill their abusers but, where Finn walks away and is free, Kylo Ren stays despite the death of his abuser.

Finn and Kylo’s paths diverged from the very beginning of TFA, of course, at Tuanul. It was the start of Finn’s escape and Kylo Ren choosing to enmesh himself all the deeper, and it was the trajectory of these choices that led to them to the events of TLJ.

In understanding Finn’s leaving and Kylo’s staying, not to mention the nature of abuse in general, I don’t think I can emphasize enough that leaving an abusive situation is unbelievably hard. Isolation is a big part of abuse, and leaving often means you have little to no support or resources outside that relationship. Leaving itself may be punished by violence, which was very much true in Finn’s case. Finn had to risk his life and fight through a space fortress just to physically leave. Once he had escaped he had absolutely nothing and could have died in the desert but the Force wouldn’t let him, of course. At the end of TLJ he’s one of about 20 survivors on a space weed van (I will never not be amused by that expression), marked and hunted, his future uncertain.

By contrast Kylo stayed, and he has all the comfort and resources of the First Order at his disposal. He is powerful and important, heck, he played his cards right and he’s effing Supreme Leader now. By all external measures Kylo is way ahead in the game.

Then there is the relational aspect. Finn not only had to brave significant dangers just to leave, he had to figure out an entire new way of living and relating to people. You see him doing that even before his escape was assured, when he built trust with Poe who was a complete stranger to him at the time. Later he became friends with Rey and BB-8 despite a rocky beginning, even earned Han’s trust and respect. When Rey asked him not to go on Takodana, he didn’t tell her she’d be alone without him or she was a bad friend for not understanding his fear. He bared his soul to her but respected her decision completely, something no one had modeled for him in the First Order. He had to start from scratch in so many ways, much like he had to find his way in a trackless desert to survive.

Kylo? He’s clearly had many models of non-abusive relationships growing up in a loving home, but he chose to discard them in favor of Snoke’s way of manipulation and dominance. TLJ’s Kylo and Rey plot was a long exercise in Kylo roping Rey in with superficial charm and shallow appeals to sympathy for his own advantage. I believe he was recreating both the way Snoke manipulated him and the dynamic he had with Snoke, undermining Rey’s self-worth so that she would easier to control, trying to get her to destroy her friends in the ultimate act of isolation like Snoke did with him. This model of relationships was easy for him, intimately familiar through Snoke’s manipulation and abuse. He chose not to explore the possibility of a relationship that did not depend on subjugation and violence, with Rey or anyone else. Despite killing his abuser he chose to continue the same destructive pattern, this time with himself in Snoke’s place.

In a way I can understand Kylo here, because again, leaving often demands a high, seemingly impossible price. I’m pretty sure nothing about Finn’s defection from the First Order inspired Kylo to follow suit, because externally speaking Finn’s life went to absolute shit from leaving and opposing the First Order. Aside from the abovementioned near-death at his former comrades’ hands and wandering in the desert with nothing, Finn was cut off from a once-absolute sense of purpose and became a wanted man. His allegiance went from an absolute power that seems poised to swallow the galaxy to a pack of pitiable losers whose lives could be--and will be, if Kylo has his way--snuffed out at any moment. What could be more foolish? In fact I would not be surprised if Kylo, in his wavering moments, used Finn’s fate as a way to harden his resolve to stay.

Unlike Finn, Kylo also has the additional prospects of prosecution for various war crimes including mass murder, torture, and complicity with genocide to look forward to, not to mention the patricide of one of the galaxy’s beloved heroes. He, like his idol Vader, has earned the kind of hatred and infamy that would outlive him. In addition, were he truly to admit to wrongdoing, the guilt and regret would and should tear his soul apart for the rest of his days. It’s like the line from Macbeth, “I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er.” He could, if he chose, brave the consequences and return to the light. But he chooses to believe he has come too far, and rather than throw away his comforts, his power, his conviction, his purpose, his sense of self-righteousness, and his ability to dominate and control, he chose to continue on his path.

This is why Finn’s and Kylo’s fates still diverge despite killing their respective abusers. For Finn it was a continuation of his journey away from abuse, not only his abusers themselves but the abusive dynamic itself. For Kylo it was a logical culmination of his journey into abuse, to continue the dynamic but with himself as the abuser rather than the victim. Finn chose to break the cycle while Kylo chose to continue it. Rey, who Kylo wanted to take his own place as the victim-apprentice, chose to break out as well and join Finn. She chose to live and fight by his and the Resistance’s side in the uncertainty of freedom, not the glittering cage of absolute power. Snoke may be dead, but as of the end of TLJ he has the last laugh because his legacy lives on through his apprentice, now become the master.

The Supreme Leader is dead. Long live the Supreme Leader.

[motorcyclegirlfriends]

Hello. Do you have any points for someone who might be struggling to write Kara? Maybe five base points that are the most important to her personality? I'm struggling but I don't know who to ask for advice. Most of writers I know don't write from her perspective. You don't have to break out power point it can be short. ;)

(Let it be known that there was an immense internal struggle to not immediately create a powerpoint.)

I don’t know if I have five base points, but I can give you a quick (okay, not so quick ((okay, not quick at all))) rundown of how I approach her character.

Core Beliefs

For every character I write, I try to first figure out what their Core Beliefs (harmful ideas a person has about themselves that inform their perception of reality and thus their decisions) are. You can find examples for Core Beliefs here.

For instance, Lena’s Core Belief is likely of Defectiveness (Applicable example thought: “I am inherently a bad person”) and/or Unlovability (ex. “I am incapable of being loved”). She may believe that she is unlovable because she is defective.

Alex’s is likely Responsibility (ex. “I have to do everything perfectly.”)

Kara has the Core Beliefs of Abandonment (ex. “The people I love will leave me”) and Responsibility (ex. “I am responsible for everyone and everything.”).

These things shape the way Kara interacts with the world.

Writing-wise, if you need Kara to do something somewhat irrational for plot, your best bet is to see if there’s a way to connect it to these beliefs.

Need Kara to be cold to someone in a situation where you’d expect compassion, but can’t figure out why she’d end up doing that? Have her fear that they’re going to take someone she loves away.

Need Kara to hide that something is wrong with her even though she’s generally an open person? Have her recognize that the people around her are burdened and feel responsible for keeping them upbeat.

Abandonment

This is why Kara is so tragic of a character. She lost everything as a child, she was left entirely alone, with nothing that she loved remaining. Even the baby she was asked to protect, Kal, was Clark now. A stranger to her.

And now, she lives out her life knowing that—because of the abilities the yellow sun gives her—she’ll outlive everyone she loves. Unless she dies prematurely, she’ll be left alone, again.

Like all Core Beliefs, this trait presents in many different ways.

In season 3, Kara is deep within the throws of her abandonment issues. She’s distancing herself from everything that she loves about Earth (Note—everything other than her Responsibility) because she thinks, “If I love something or someone, I will be abandoned again.”

This is because she was abandoned again in a big way, by someone who reminded her of the life she would have had on Krypton. And she lost him in a way that directly mirrored her core abandonment event—fleeing a planet in a pod, to never see their loved ones again. (Of course, this time, she wasn’t the one to leave. And yet she was still left alone.)

So this is how she reacts when her Core Belief of Abandonment is triggered in an extreme way. This is her at the end of her rope.

It’s not entirely unprecedented (an example of a similar reaction is Kara dumping Adam in season one because she decided that she doesn’t get to have that kind of relationship. She dumped him so she’d never have to lose him) but on an everyday basis, she’s not usually one to push people away when she fears losing them.

The way she copes with those feelings isn’t always healthy, but it’s also not always quite as self-destructive.

She’s often a fixer by nature, a quality you can see also reflected with her Responsibility Core Belief (like when she sees Cat struggling to write Adam a letter and just… takes it upon herself to forge a letter and reunite them, entirely overstepping boundaries).

You can see this in how difficult it was for Kara to refrain from talking to Winn when he was upset that she rejected him. You can see this in how stressed she was at the prospect of waiting for the public’s minds to change after the Red K incident, rather than finding a tangible solution.

When a relationship isn’t right, Kara is most comfortable with talking it out or taking steps to rectify it.

With Alex, we’ve seen Kara be more of a sulker than a fixer, I think because she fears being more of a burden. This is her Responsibility Core Belief playing at odds with her Abandonment Core Belief.

Responsibility

Kara’s last words to her mother, after Alura told her that she’d travel to Earth to look after her baby cousin and that she’d have great powers and do extraordinary things there, were, “I won’t fail Kal-El or you.”

Her last words were a promise to protect Kal-El and to use her powers to be extraordinary—something she obviously defines to mean helping the Earth. She already failed to protect Kal-El, so her only shot at keeping her promise is to help the Earth.

(Also worth noting, I think it’d be a mistake to believe that the only reason Kara is a hero or helps people is because she doesn’t want to fail her mother. I think she’d do the same kind of things if she’d lived a full life on Krypton. But the aspect of it that is a compulsion—

“I can’t help it. When someone needs help, I’ll help them”

—and the aspect of it that warps her worldview negatively—

“This is the reason my mother and father sent me to Earth.”

“They wanted you to live.”

“No, it’s more than that.”

—stems from this event.)

First, notice how Kara’s feelings of Responsibility present within her differently than Alex’s.

This may connect to their differing world views. Kara has an internal locus of control (“I make things happen”), and Alex has somewhat more of an external-leaning locus of control (“things just happen”).

Alex doesn’t believe that she can change everything around her, so therefore she’s not responsible for everything around her.

Kara, ever the optimist, believes that she can do anything, change anything, if she just tries hard enough/is good enough.

Both of them feel responsible for what they can control, but how much they can control, they have different ideas of.

This is why Alex needs her life, work, and Kara’s life to be perfect. Those are the things she’s been tasked with controlling. But she’s not going to sweat it if some rando enemy doesn’t redeem themselves, because it’s outside of her control.

As for Kara, she needs to save everyone, because she thinks that she can save everyone. But she’s also generally better at letting people take care of her than Alex is, something having a loving adoptive family and a birth family/birth culture that values togetherness helped her internalize.

But that doesn’t prevent her from feeling guilt about being a burden from time to time.

Abandonment vs Responsibility

Sometimes these Core Beliefs compliment each other, sometimes they are at odds.

An example of them complimenting each other is an instance of Kara feeling that if she doesn’t save someone (Responsibility) she’ll lose them (Abandonment).

An example of the beliefs being at odds is when she has to choose between losing someone or Doing the Right Thing.

As we can see when Kara expels Mon-El from the planet to save the Earth, Responsibility wins out.

Generally, if Kara has to decide between her responsibility to do the right thing and the possibility of losing someone, she’ll chose doing the right thing.

You might see her choose otherwise—such as when she chooses keeping her secret from Lena to preserve their relationship, knowing that she’d want to know—but I’d argue that she thinks the harm from doing the wrong thing™ is avoidable.

If Kara had to make a choice between for-sure hurting Lena at some point but maintaining their relationship and telling Lena but risking losing her, I think she’d choose to tell her.

Holy SHIT, revelation— Alura represents her Core Belief of Responsibility, Astra represents her Core Belief of Abandonment.

Alura let Krypton die because she wasn’t willing to compromise her values (feeling a responsibility to Do The Right Thing, as opposed to ‘selfishly’ protecting those she loves). From Kara’s point of view, she even let Kara go to Earth on her own because she felt she needed to die with Krypton. She chose duty over love.

Astra, on the other hand, was willing to sacrifice her ideals to save the people she loved (and she certainly phrased it in such a way that it was clearly about saving Kara and her loved ones).

Kara struggles with her mother and aunt’s choices, but ultimately leans toward agreeing with Alura—that her responsibility to do the right thing trumps her own feelings for what she wants in her life.

Even when she considers Astra’s point of view, it’s within the context of “But was she right?”

Kara often puts what she wants within the context of morality (because she’s a Hero™ and has a responsibility to be Good) in order to make a decision.

Cat is a great mentor for Kara, because she allows her to see that sometimes what Kara thinks is the selfish answer is also the right thing to do.

For instance, Cat convinces Kara that it’s okay to try to save her friends and risk losing an opportunity to ensure the safety of the planet, not by appealing to Kara’s love for them or by telling her that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, but by making an argument for the morality of protecting her friends. She convinces her that love is a value, something to protect, and that it’s Right to choose it.

If Kara hadn’t been given an argument that suggested that it was her responsibility as a hero to protect love as a value, her fear of losing her loved ones would not have been enough to make her risk the safety of the world.

Also something to remember: sometimes her need to save everyone can hinder her actual ability to save everyone. (Such as when she threatened the fate of Earth by stalling the destruction of the Daxamite ship so that she could try to save Rhea’s soul for the 100th time.)

This ties back into her external locus of control. She really believes that she can do it, change everyone. It’s a blessing and a curse.

Her sheer willpower to create change creates a surprising amount of success. She seems to win more than she loses in this regard. But if she does lose, and she is capable of losing in a big way.

Other Qualities

On the other side of the coin that has Kara’s belief that she can change everyone is her belief that everyone is changeable. “She’s been here 12 years, and still thinks deep down everyone is as good as she is.”

She’s optimistic as hell about most things, but some days it’s a choice more than an instinct.

She’s a naturally “sunny” person in general, but sometimes it’s more work than she lets on.

Her difficulty lying seems to stem from how open she is instinctually. Most of her slip-ups are because she straight-up forgets that she has to keep some things to herself.

If she is consciously trying to lie, however, she’s actually rather good (see: her fooling Mr. Mxyzptlk and Mon-El). It’s when Kara isn’t thinking about keeping a secret, or when she has to lie on the spot, where she has trouble.

Of course, this does not apply to her ability to seem happy. That fake smile reaches her eyes, yo.

But there is a question of if this is actually Kara feeling one way and making her face tell a different story, or if there’s a part of it that’s her being a pro at regulating her emotions on the spot.

I mean, suppressing trauma and culture shock and an inability to control what your body at 13 so that you’re not carted off to a government facility and experimented on will force a girl to learn how to keep herself from freaking out in public pretty quickly.

I think the route that Kara took, to handle it all, was to be really excited about the little positives. Things like birds and ice cream and potstickers and friends and daily life became so fulfilling for Kara because they had to be. And I think it’s often a coping mechanism, even for social situations.

But I also think it’d be a mistake to consider her brightness ingenuine. It’s real, it’s just also work.

Kara also seems, to me, to be kinda behind everyone else in a lot of ways. She’s just having her first real friendships, because she’s only just able to reveal her whole self to people. She also just had her first real romantic relationship, at 26.

So if it’s not something we’ve already seen her deal with regarding relationships, a safe bet is to assume that she’s a little clumsy about it.

That is, unless it concerns emotional maturity. She’s supernaturally good at dealing with people’s emotions, if in a way that cuts past one’s expectations for normal behavior.

But that doesn’t mean that she’s necessarily great at reading people’s emotions. At least romantically, she’s been shown to not be great at guessing how people feel, unless she really knows them.

If you’re writing early season one Kara, her view of her parents is childishly positive. “My mother was the best woman who ever lived.”

So if you address anything about Krypton, feel free to have her romanticize the hell out of it.

If it’s post-the disillusionment of her view of her parents, there’s a certain amount of bitterness in how she views them, though I’m not sure if it’d extend to the other aspects of Krypton.

Quick quirks:

Off the top of my head,

—Nervous laughter, but don’t let it go on for too too long. She’s not that bad.

—The Crinkle™ (brow furrow) when lying, in a ‘fake confusion about what they’re talking about’ kind of way.

—The Brow Furrow Of Sympathy, when she’s worried about someone.

—She’s neat and organized. People sometimes forget this.

—When she’s talking about Krypton or loss, she’s still and serene.

—Anger!!! Very very rarely directed at her loved ones (not completely out of character for her to blow up after a long time, but likely followed by an apology immediately after, even if she’s right), but this doesn’t mean she won’t hit her enemies a little harder that day.

(This also doesn’t mean you should have her almost murder someone because she’s angry. Even if someone almost died because of an enemy. I immediately exit fics that have this occur. Her morals always come first, even before the people she loves. It’s at the core of her character and not something she’d forget because she’s emotional. She probably wouldn’t even think of killing as an option to begin with.

If you really want this to happen, just Red K it, or have some other mind-altering thing happen to her.)

—Her Supergirl personality isn’t as different to her Kara Danvers personality as Superman’s is to Clark. She has a whole Confidence thing, and sometimes does her whole deeper-voice put-on business mode, but she’s a very happy and excited hero. Superman has a kind of Cool and Kind feel to him, but Supergirl is a Happy and Respectable Nerd.

—Determined™. Reporting and otherwise. It can sneak up on people, because you wouldn’t expect her to be.

—Has mean thoughts like everyone else but tries harder than most to challenge them

—Can’t spell for shit

[wolves-with-dragons]

Smallville sentence starters

Below you’ll find quotes from the American television series Smallville, the story of Clark Kent before he was superman, that are suitable for roleplay

“ Don't tell me that the world isn't nicer to prettier people. “

“What's the point of protecting life if you've lost your sense on how to live it?“

“ Pain is part of anyone's journey...you can't escape it. “

“ Choosing the greater good is never a sacrifice. “

“ I'd question your integrity, but you're a journalist. “

“I  guess that's the price of having a heart, it can get broken. “

“ If I understood my father's insanity I'd be a much happier man. “

“ A heart beats only so many times in a life. “

“ Call me crazy, but I've always been a firm believer that beauty-it's on the inside. “

“ That's the problem with high school: it's all a façade. “

“ Everyone's hiding who they really are and trying to be something they're not. “

“ Information is also power. “

“ The test of a true hero is to struggle with feelings of loss and to overcome them, not to avoid them. “

“ Assumptions are flaws inherent in the human instincts you have adopted, but they are beneath you. “

“ We all make sacrifices...and every time we do, we lose a little something in the process. “

“ Trust your instincts. When the chips are down, they're all you have. “

“ You're a reporter, (name). You're not saving the world. “

“ A hero is made in the moment, not from questioning the past or fearing what's to come. “

“ The word 'fate' is used by people who have lost sight of who they are.

“ You made a deal with the devil. He always comes to collect. “

“ You must learn to focus...Perception can be the difference between life and death. “

“ For every beacon of light in the universe, there is a pit of darkness. We must fight to keep that darkness from overwhelming us. “

“ We cannot doom another planet's future to preserve our past. “

“ Funny thing about obsession is: it outlives everything, even love. “

“ The enemy of your enemy is your friend. “

“ You don't need to be defined by your past. You can choose a different future.  “

“ Failure is something we all have to live with, but it's how you overcome it that defines you. “

“ Passion will be your greatest strength. So, too, will it be your greatest obstacle. “

“ Your ability to trust others and always see the good in people is what makes you so special, but it's also what keeps getting you in trouble. “

“ That, my friend, is the key to leadership: not only knowing you're right, but convincing everyone else. “

“ The tide of fate is impossible to stop. Even if you succeed in altering one course of events, the universe will find a balance. “

“ Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth. “

“ You really need to take a dip in the 'sane chick' pool! “

“ Sometimes even heroes need to be saved. “

“ Friendship's a fairy tale...respect and fear are the best you can hope for. “

“ My hunger's never satisfied. “

“ Knowledge is what fuels me. “

“ And as savage as human beings are, their collective knowledge is exceptionally rich. “

“ Humanity's capacity for violence is great, but their capacity for hope is greater than any other I've ever encountered. “

“ We can't make excuses for the dark stains on our heart. “

“ Sometimes trust comes at too high a price. “

“ Loving someone is hard. It's difficult. But hate, hate is so...clean. “

“ In every relationship, one person stands while the other one kneels. “

“ There's a dark place inside everyone...what we do with it depends not on who our teachers are, but what we do with the lessons learned. “

“ Paying for the sins of your father can be a bitch. “

“ Pain is a part of life... but you cannot let it blind you. “

“ Life asks of you what it thinks you can handle. “

“ People will gather anywhere as long as there's illegally-purchased alcohol and even the slightest chance of hooking up. “

“ Some risks are worth taking. “

“ Sometimes, we can't outrun our destiny. “

“ We all need to believe in heroes...and even the best ones are far from perfect. “

“ The lessons we learn from pain are the ones that make us the strongest. “

“ You shouldn't wound what you can't kill. “

“ Even with your face in the gutter, you still had the hero in your heart. “

“ Humans...they're so fragile. “

“ You can fear the future or you can embrace it. The choice is yours. “

“ Even with your face in the gutter, you still had the hero in your heart. “

“ We're all confronted with trials...but the true measure of a man is how he chooses to react in the face of those trials. “

“ The American version of closure: you can only get over your grief when you figure out how to merchandise your tragedy. “

“ Something told me that I'd find you here. “

[simontams]

HEY NAT NAT BEN BEN WHAT ABOUT TORCHWOOD 🔥🔥🔥

I feel personally targeted. And I want that in writing.

Okay here goes nothing. *Rolls up sleeves*.

Warning: Will likely evolve into a long, in-depth, Torchwood analysis

Favourite Character:

I’m half asleep as it is and you go and encourage me to talk about Ianto Jones, who is not only my favourite character in this show, but probably overall.

The question is, can I pinpoint why?

Can I articulate how much this character genuinely means to me without just giving up and keyboard smashing at like 2am?

Okay, to start with, he’s not in the first two series an awful lot, however much I try to convince myself otherwise, but the development he does get is credit-worthy. And I think from the start, I was won over by his priceless expressions, sarcastic humour and sweet demeanour. Yet, throughout my numerous rewatches, the occasional bleaker episode, and low-key audio addiction, I’ve learned that there is more than meets the eye and maybe that's what makes him so interesting to me- All characters have more to them that originally assumed but there’s so many aspects to Ianto’s personality that slowly reveal themselves that you cant possibly know everything. You keep on learning and wondering about his past, his motivations, his true feelings- I’ve seen on countless occasions people labelling him as overrated and simply seen as that outside innocent coffee boy (sure, its the button on the top), but I think his clear popularity could be because a lot of people, dare I say, relate to him?

One of my favourite things about the Doctor Who universe especially and, in turn, Torchwood, is that it is real, it has real characters who have real emotions and real flaws, which shouldn't be excluded as they only add to their human degree of complexity- what would the series be without returning home to a concerned Jackie Tyler for a cup of tea every once in a while? without seeing characters reach behind that innate curiosity at the science-fiction and occasionally express fear at what is uncomfortable and unknown?

Doctor Who is not about aliens, it’s about people- and Ianto Jones is no exception. And in some ways, he can be the most human of them all- his excitement and confidence when he’s viewed as Jack’s boyfriend, his maintained calm exterior that he chooses to present to the world, his friendship with Tosh and the others, his weird habits and his humour, right up until his brutally heartfelt death scene.

 Ianto Jones is one of the only characters that I am sure will remain this close to my heart, and I constantly switch between connecting to him and marvelling at how much more there is to see. Not to be too deep or over-exaggerated, but under everybody's excitable obsessions with TV shows, bands, books- there's something that genuinely helped them learn more about themselves and grow as a person behind it, they represent a certain time in that individuals life and that has to be appreciated- in the same way, that can be said for my attraction to Torchwood as a whole and towards Ianto as a character.

Second Favourite Character:

Now that we’ve accepted me as a high-key, over-the-top teenaged fan, hence somehow continuing reading, let’s move on to the impossible choice of, who do I prefer more: Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper or Jack Harkness? (I’ll mention my  Gwen angst later).

Firstly Jack, will always, in my eyes, be one of the most deep and fascinating characters from what I’ve seen of the franchise as a whole- the contrast between the self-assured and flirtatious alien, the darker side of his immortality, and even the earlier con-man interpretation of his endlessly gripping character. Some of my favourite aspects of him in Torchwood are when we see him through his own outlived eyes; his loneliness or anger or even fragility, the latter being especially in regards to his relationship with Ianto and his over-arching knowledge that nothing lasts for him. And while he will always be one of my favourite characters in general, this one is a close call and I regret to view him as anything less than such- but I’m gonna have to go with Owen.

But first, let me appreciate Tosh- underestimated, brave, intelligent and affectionate Tosh, who is so close to Owen in terms of my tribute, it was near impossible to choose between the pair- in fact it still is and if asked this another time I would probably change my mind repeatedly. She tries so hard to gain approval and security, she's just genuinely lovable...and she did good.

I know Owen- apparently I’m having an Owen day- is disliked by the best of us in season 1, and some still after, I mean he is outwardly an arsehole, he's even aware of such, and the way he treats others including Tosh is inexcusable- but it’s season 2 where I genuinely fell in love with him, if not, mid-way through the first season after seeing the affects of Diane’s departure and his more sensitive self. Because like I said before- these human qualities, however negative, only add to him as a character.

When all the ‘dying drama’ goes down we realise how truly fragile he is, and in Fragments we see this to an even greater extent pre-torchwood: he's had a bad time of it, to say the least. And I will place him in second place after Ianto primarily due to this drastic turn and the realisation that he is such a prime example of ‘messed up and imperfect yet completely misunderstood’ and deep down, one of the most sensitive and caring of the lot.

I especially love when he begins to open up to Tosh and the numerous scenes in ‘a day in the death’ such as running into the bay or Ianto telling him to not let himself get beaten after all he has done, and that's also why that is one of my favourite episodes- I love this side of his character and how it contributes to him on the whole.

Character I’m Most Like:

God. Okay.

I honestly think this has to be the shortest reply yet. And for all the explanations worth, it has to be Ianto. Owen is angsty as hell, Tosh is kind and smart, Jack is tired, above everything and Gwen is adamant and sociable-

Ianto is humorous and loyal.

-Yet, somehow has the potential to be all of the other things too, and at times, has been. Which only furthers my previous point of him being relatable to most viewers at certain times throughout because of that.

Favourite Pair:

Now we’re talking.

There’s a word, a cursed, ancient term that’s been floating around the internet for a while now....: Janto.

Typical romance story, boy meets boy, boy is immortal alien, boy falls in love with welsh nerd who looks good in a waistcoat, the usual, yet...

Next, the heavy stuff :)

Ianto has so much love to give and he chooses to give it to Jack. His last serious relationship ended in tragedy and he finds himself in a casual fling with this, said immortal alien guy, who’s also...his mysterious boss. He appears genuinely happy and confident for the first time in a while and his utter joy will purify souls for many years to come.

But it’s not that simple, is it? It never has been. Because it gets serious and they can escape into their own connection outside of their work and all the other crap the team go through. They begin to understand each other on a deeper level despite their differences- and it’s fated to end in disaster:  Ianto’s death.

One of the most heart-breaking yet beautiful and bittersweet factors of the show is this relationship. The most traumatic realisations? moments when Ianto acknowledges his mortality compared to Jacks curse to out-live everybody he loves (The dead line and Day 4, I’m looking at you). Maybe it’s on Jacks behalf that the extent and importance of their bond get highlighted- He unwillingly falls for Ianto and he in no way wants to recognize the unwavering sincerity of what they have, or at least publically, hence his hesitance when Ianto is proud to be seen as a couple at the beginning of Children Of Earth, because he doesn’t want to see something so good end and hurt him, again.

Also, the fact that their relationship is so private? It’s got a significant part to play when prompting the importance of what they have. Jack is characteristically flirty and outgoing, yet he keeps his feelings for Ianto close and guarded-  because they mean that much to him. All of their intimate conversations- they're alone. It just develops and adds meaning and weight to their taboo ending.

That inevitably brings me onto the unspeakable death scene. I can wholeheartedly say that I have never witnessed such an emotional scene where a character has been killed off? It just, it gets to you? and I probably don't need to say that twice.

I don’t even know what it is, and I don’t care about the ‘he should never have been killed off’ or ‘he died for nothing’, god I want him to live as much as anybody, but they did choose to kill him off- and it was art.

The entirety of COE was, it was horrific and too close for comfort and one of the best pieces of television that I will ever have the pleasure to watch. Because it is raw and it’s soulful and it’s real and it breaks you- and god I wouldn’t want one of my favourite characters to go in any other way than something with this level of reputation and emotion.

The way Jack falls onto the floor next to Ianto, the ballad of Ianto Jones playing, the bigger picture of the theme of the series, them out of their comfort zone, beyond their control, influencing this, the government officials overlooking such an intimate moment, the way Jack tells them 'not him’ (that’s where I loose it, god I’m choked up just thinking about it), after Ianto tried to be the hero and stand next to Jack and help him confront the mistakes of his past- showing him that he's there for him when others doubt him, showing him that he can change and resolve it with him by his side, yet seeing that their efforts do not directly succeed? its not showing Ianto died with no final influence, its to show the extent of the bigger issue, it is out of their hands and that's why Children Of Earth is so, for want of a better word, scary- Gwen relating this degree of destruction to the absence of our established hero, The Doctor- terrifying.

How Jack wakes up and sees Ianto, how the audience see this character they've grown to love, dead, how defeated Jack looks with the knowledge that he will have to move on and can’t do anything about what had happened- it is seriously too much and can anybody who is that deeply connected to a scene, really hate on it for whatever reason?

God Jack blames himself, God Torchwood was the death of me-

you know I watched Children Of Earth over the evening of Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning? I watched Ianto Jones die on Christmas day 2015. Yeah.

Least Favourite Pair:

What the ever loving shit is Gwack.

(I like how you tiptoed around this Evie, and I just-)

Okay. I don't like Gwen. 

Now hear me out, I don't like her in the first and second series. She was a cheat and I accept this as part of her character, and Owens, but it doesn't mean I have to ignore or like it- she also treat the others like they didn't understand, like they couldn't feel and aren't affected by what they see like she is when they've been through so much more in terms of their background- she is rash and selfish and Rhys deserved better.

There I said it- however, it is party due to the writing, she had a lot of potential but she can’t be treated as such a ‘nice’ or relatable character and role model, as the person who enters this alien world for the audience to relate to when she gets away with these things. But I’ll hold my hands up and says she grows up a lot come COE and in the books and audios.

Despite my feelings about Gwen- she has still got a boyfriend either way. No offence, meh, ish, but there is nothing between her and Jack romantically- if anything she merely represents the normal life that Jack cant have. The many, many, uncomfortable scenes when she stares at Jack while kissing Rhys, the flirting with who she thought was him on her wedding day, the part where he's teaching her how to shoot, its just that, its awkward and there's nothing to it. Why voluntarily choose to treat her as this person who uses people and makes excuses for herself when you can emphasise and focus on her other truly good qualities like her bravery?

Why dig for something that isn't there, they have a great friendship, why simplify that? he mentors her and she has Rhys, he has Ianto, there's so much depth to that relationship as I've been through, why choose to overlook it?

But ‘don't like’ isn't as strong a word as ‘hate’, I just don't understand why somebody would make it this hard to view her as redeemable- I know she is flawed, like the others- I just find it harder avoid and grasp why people want to  further those parts of her and view it in a positive light and accept or ignore her cheating.

Gwen, I can hesitantly can get on board with, she is still part of the show I love, and while I can’t admit forgiving her I can say that her character, in turn, deserved better and while I acknowledge the problems she has, I appreciate her in COE, etc, because she does begin to develop and prove herself a bit more.

Nonetheless, I will never ‘get’ Jack and Gwen, it just doesn't rub me up the right way and seems pointless, it seems like ‘bait’ that some fans have fallen for and for me, it takes away so much of all of the characters involved and I’d rather view them for who they are rather than hinting at a negative version of who they could be.

And I'm sorry but Gwen and Owen are just bad for each other- they both deserve better than that.

Owen and Tosh? Beautiful and they should have gotten that date, they know each other so well and their death scene- why is this show so traumatic. But don't even get me started on that one-

‘Because you’re breaking my heart.’

Favourite Moment (s):

To be blunt:

Day 4- Ianto dies, yes really, #1, sorry...yeah..

Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, (Janto, in Adam)

A Day In The Death- Owen underwater, also in top 3...

‘No, ‘cause the phones aren't working’,

Captain Jack Harkness- Jack & Jack Dance, close second

‘Who’s for Chinese?’ ft. actually eating it and having a nice time Tm

When, in fragments, Owen first enters the hub and he is talking to Jack about how he's going to try to save as many people as he can but it'll  never be enough

I’m not sure of the episode, likely ‘A Day In The Death’, but Tosh and Owen have a talk, wait was it ‘Dead Man Walking?’...yeah it was...

Broken, audio- Yeah, that- the car scene where their relationship truly begins and ‘stop the car’, ‘my coffee.’

‘Space Pig, Yeah?’

Fragments- ‘Jones. Ianto Jones’. ‘Captain Jack Harkness’

Does the John Barrowman ringtone blooper count? ;)

Not to approach the unapproachable, and it's not my favourite ‘cause that's like twisted but- ‘the Steven thing’ deserves a mention just for the fact that Jacks expression will haunt me forever

‘The world’s always ending, and I have missed that coat’

Did I mention the entirety of COE?

A Torchwood Captain and an ex-time agent walk into a bar...

Virus short story, ending and the part where Ianto goes rogue and badass

The goodbye in COE- should have ended there, it lost its weight

Consider this: In the shadows audio- Ianto, he just-

‘The Sin Eaters’ audio, cat falls through lift, that's all you need to know really, isn't it?

‘house of the dead’ when its all over and somebody approached jack and he answers them but then they go away and he- ‘goodbye Ianto’

‘Gwen....mine’s got a bell’, ‘Jack and Coffee’, ‘Lost Souls, audio

Honestly I've probably forgotten moments that I mention 24/7 but these are the ones that come to mind

I warned you that it was gonna be an uncharacteristically long one

Rating:

10/10...

Did you expect anything else after all of that? For all its imperfections, this show will always welcome me back with open arms, I’ve taken so much from it and it will remain my favourite show along with Doctor Who itself.

Funny Story: 5am

I told you Evie, I did.

[endwhorl]

1. What is your darkest childhood memory?

I was 10, hanging out with my friends on the weekend; we had played a ball game that we’d just made up. We were tired so we all sat down in a circle to talk. They started talking about boys - cute boys, who was interested in who, who was dating who, etc.

I started thinking… why do relate so much? Why do I want to join in? … Why am I afraid to join in?

Then everything hit me. My dad hates me - everyone else will hate me - I’ll hate me… because I feel the same. I like boys. I’ll never be happy after this. I’m not allowed to be.

2. What bad habit are you struggling to overcome?

Doubting myself so much. I’m smart and skillful and intuitive, but I doubt myself constantly. I’m easily gaslit  because of this constant self-doubt.

3. What smell or scent reminds you of your childhood home?

Coal, fire, smoke. We always had something to keep the house warm, even on the hottest days. It was like a strange ritual my parents had to do and they never paused to think hey, let’s not do this today.

4. What is your biggest regret?

Not living my life before I died.

5. Who was your childhood sweetheart?

They never knew I liked them; they probably didn’t even know I existed other than to make fun of me with their friends. I felt I deserved that so I didn’t try to find anyone else - anyone who reciprocated my feelings.

6. What do you fear losing the most?

Ironically, death is my biggest fear. Not so much death itself, but the suddenness, the unpredictability of it - you literally could die this very second in a billion different ways and that’s it, your story is over. You accomplished nothing? That’s all you’ll ever be, that nothing.

7. Is there a secret spot you like to retreat to? If there is, why that spot?

I like to go to a local cafe/bakery. It’s busy but not too crowded, not too empty, so I’m never that noticeable but I don’t get antsy from too many people. It’s the last place I spoke with my parents before dying. It’s a good memory, we said we loved each other before they went home and I went out to a bar. I guess it’s nostalgia, or mourning, but it’s my place.

8. Do you have a family member that's ever let you down? If so, how has that affected you?

Me. I let myself down. I let people take advantage of me; I let them hurt me; I let them use me, because I didn’t think I deserved better, and if someone who loves me is doing this to me surely I deserve it. I’m my own worst betrayer.

9. Are you afraid to be alone?

Physically? No. Alone is safety. Mentally? Hell yes. What if I outlive everyone I know? What if I’m ostracized and have to survive alone? What if I’m just constantly abandoned because I’m not worth sticking around for? Who even am I if I have no one who loves me? Being in my own company just reminds me of how much I hate myself.

10. Are you proud of who you are?

Actually… yes. I think I’m a very resilient person. Nothing other than death has taken me down; and a lot have tried. I’m kind when I don’t have to be, just because I want to be. I want people to feel unconditional love because I never had that. Even if they hurt me, I want them to know someone is there for them no matter what.

11. What keeps you up at night?

Mainly the fact that I hate sunlight.

12. What was your favorite stuffed animal or toy as a kid?

I had a little wooden toy soldier my dad got for me. He was in the army. It’s the only gift he’s given me that has any thought or meaning put into it - otherwise it was clothing or food, junk food which I loved as a kid, but when you’ve eaten it it’s gone. The toy meant something; one time, even if just for a day, my dad loved me and thought about me.

13. What was your worst injury ever?

Excluding the whole death thing…

My dad once caught me looking out the window at our neighbor - a really cute boy around my age. I was looking through the window because I wasn’t brave enough to talk to him in person, admit my feelings, but I was too weak to look away.

I didn’t notice my dad had walked in - I don’t know if he was there for minutes or miliseconds - until my face was smashed into the glass window. It shattered on impact, slicing my face up pretty good, miraculously avoiding my eyes. Most of the wounds were superficial, but I had a large one going across my nose. I never got taken to the doctor for it so it scarred.

My dad didn’t hit me again after that - in fact, he barely acknowledged my existence. I’m not sure which I preferred.

14. What was your bravest moment?

Probably just moving out. I was young, 16, but I knew I had to get out if I’d ever have any hope of happiness. I couch surfed while working until I had enough for my own place. It was tough but I had no choice - or rather I did, and I chose the one that required more work than passivity.

15. What is one thing you always carry with you?

That little wooden solider.

16. Who is one person you would never ever want to see again? Why?

My parents. They think I’m dead. If they see me, they know what it means. I don’t want to do that to them.

17. What, to you, is the worst way to die?

Trust me, they’re all bad.

18. You can bring one person back to life. Who would you choose and why?

… I’d like to say myself, but the truth is, probably not. Probably a grandparent or something, or the old family dog, just make my parents a bit happier.

19. Is it easy to admit when you've made a mistake?

Sure. Easier than arguing over it. Even if I didn’t make a mistake, apologizing is the easiest thing to end an argument that won’t change anything. I have no interest in wasting time.

20. Is it easy for you to forgive others? (Truly?)

Are they worth forgiving?

By that I mean - did they apologize sincerely? Do they know what they did wrong? Is there no suggestion they’ll do it again? If so, yes, it’s very easy.

… If not, I’ll probably forgive anyway, but try not to keep them in my life. They don’t deserve me.

21. You're on your death bed. Who do you want by your side?

… hah. Well, I can say who I don’t want… but the truth is, there’s no one I’d wish that on. Anyone that would have been with me, would have had the same fate. I’m glad I was alone.

22. Your childhood bully has grown up to be a philanthropist. Do you praise him and give to his cause? Or do you turn a shoulder to him and scoff?

Neither - I ignore him. Is he a better person? Good for him. Still not interested. I just don’t care.

23. Who would you want to raise your child if you die unexpectedly?

(boy am I glad this wasn’t an issue.)

Probably my neighbor, that boy. He’s sweet. I think he’d do a good job.

24. Do you suffer from a reoccurring nightmare? If so, what happens in it?

A few. The main one is my death, playing over and over. I also get recurrent nightmares of my death - but I’m the one killing me, and original me has turned into a baby, or a child, it’s different every time; sometimes it’s my parents, sometimes it’s a total stranger. They’re frustrating for sure, but I don’t pay much attention to them when I wake up. I already know what I’m scared of.

25. What do you notice first about a person?

Their scent. Certain people just… have that smell… you can’t get out of your mind, for hours or days or weeks, it’s all that person. You just want a taste…

26. Do you find it difficult to praise others?

Sometimes. It feels like being vulnerable, confessing appreciation to someone. I’m not sure why.

27. Which color do you feel looks best on you?

Red.

28. What's your drink of choice?

What do you think?

29. Which parent do you take after more?

Probably an even mix of both. My dad’s impulsiveness, rashness, anger; my mom’s over-analyzing, people-pleasing, introspectiveness. The combination somehow makes me nothing like either of them…

30. What quality about your parent do you admire? Abhor?

I admire that they’ve stayed together so long, and it seems to be out of love rather than obligation. Keeping a relationship healthy for that long is impressive.

I abhor their passive/aggressive behavior. Very childish.

31. Do you wish to be a loner? Or have a family one day?

I think family is out of the question for me, but I would like to find someone, someday, to spend my life with.

32. What odd habits or ticks do you have?

I play with my hair when nervous; I avoid eye contact with most people because I don’t want them to see me for who I am; when walking in groups I tend to straddle towards the end; when talking in groups I tend to be a wallflower.

33. Have you traveled to other lands? Or planets, even?

Not yet, but I’ve got plenty of time.

34. Do you feel a need to fix or repair problems that don't directly involve you?

No. I have enough to deal with already.

35. How do you view other races or cultures?

Everyone I’ve met so far has been equally tasty. (Even the stick-thin ones have their own unique flavour.)

36. Do you worry about what the future will bring?

Not specifically, no. I could probably handle it; how much worse can it get?

37. If your boss asked you to cheat on your invoice and bill your client for extra hours, would you do it?

Yes. I don’t care. I’ve never met this person, they’re nothing to me.

38. If a Boy Scout comes to your door selling popcorn, do you hide in the kitchen or buy popcorn?

Home delivery boy scouts…? Delicious.

39. How do they want to be seen by others?

Calm, unshakeable, smart, ready to throw hands if you bring it to him; caring but not to the point of vulnerability.

40. On what occasion do you lie?

Oh, I’ll lie about anything. You never know if it’s a lie or not, I’ll lie just for the fun even if I have nothing to hide. (Makes you question some of these answers, doesn’t it?)

[sailorklutzwrites]

What do you do the day before you die? Especially when you've known the day your whole life. I knew I would die young. I didn't know how but my date, just like everyone else's, was tattooed on the inside of my right arm, July 21 2018. It was the date of my 22nd birthday. How do you even try to do anything with your life when you know it will be cut short. There was no point to try in school, there was no reason to go to college. Having friends seemed...cruel. So, I did what I always do. I lived the day like I didn't know what was coming. I woke up, went through my morning routine, ate a simple breakfast, walked the family dog. It was kind of sad that both my parents were going to outlive me by almost 50 years. It was hard for them to except when I was a kid but as I got older it seemed to sink in, they excepted it and made the best of the time they had with me. They were good parents and I was their only child. They didn't deserve this heartache. After I walked our dog, a 2 year old female red nosed pit bull named Freckles, I went into my room to hide from the world. Okay, well, this never used to be a normal day for me but as my date neared I secluded myself more and more. What was the point? I would never be able to do anything worth while with my life. I didn't have enough time. So the day before I would die I laid in bed listening to music until I was called for dinner. My parents wanted to spend the night with me. They let me have the day to myself out of respect but they could let their last chance to spend time with me slip away. From there, it was a little different from the norm. We went to my favorite restaurant even though I just wanted to stay home. We went to the arcade where I was allowed to spend as much as I wanted playing games. It seemed so trivial but I always enjoyed the games at the arcade and I thought maybe I could get some tickets to give my parents something to remember our last day. I did get a lot of tickets so I got my dad a model car set and my mom a stuffed yellow monkey. After we went home and they hugged me for a long time and told me how much they loved me. They went to bed and I could hear my mom's sobs from her room. They didn't except my fate as much as they tried to make me think they did. I laid down but I couldn't sleep. What if I didn't wake up. I didn't want my parents to find my dead body. I couldn't do that to them. So, at a quarter to midnight, I left. I put my headphones in and left them a note explaining I couldn't let them find me if I died at home. I walked to a top of a large hill. At the top there was an area looking over the entire city. It was beautiful, especially at night. I sat on a bench and decided if I die tonight I might as well have a nice view. I listened to music until I slowly drifted to sleep wondering if I'd wake up in the morning. I woke up to the blaring light of the sun rising. I felt a sharp sting in my neck. Sleeping on a bench wasn't the smartest idea. I tried to crack my neck but it was too stiff so I settled for massaging my neck until the sting dulled. At least I didn't die in my sleep. I might as well go get Starbucks. I stood up and and walked towards the oddly low fence blocking people from falling off the cliff that provided this beautiful. As I got close my clumsy ass tripped over my flip flop almost sending myself off the cliff to my inevitable death first thing in the morning. I barely caught myself on the fence not quite ready for what was to come. I caught my breath and stopped a mini panic attack from surfacing before I took in the view one last time. I started my walk to the nearest Starbucks to start the day off with one of the few things I could still enjoy. I ordered a venti white chocolate latte and sat in the cafe listening to the casual conversations of those around me. All with long lives ahead of them. To die at only 22 wasn't a common occurrence although it definitely wasn't unheard of either but I could tell they didn't have the demeanor of someone who would die soon. You could alway tell when you met someone who'd die soon. There was either a sense of expectance and calm to them or fear and anger. All these people were light hearted and happy. At least on the outside. I finished my latte and walked out the door. I was lost in thought figuring out what I was going to do next. I hadn't left the house much in the last year but I was now spending my last hours out and about. Suddenly, I was off my feet the wind knocked out of me. I gasped, my last years of life running through my mind and regret flooding my entire being. I should have lived instead of drowning myself it pity before it was too late. I braced myself wondering for the first time if it would hurt to die. But there was never any pain. I slowly opened my eyes not realizing I had even closed them. I was just out side Starbucks sitting in the sidewalk. But it felt softer than sidewalk. "You should be more careful!" my cushion gently moved me off of him and stood reaching his strong hand towards me offering assistance. "You could have been badly injured." The man who stood before me, a girl branded to die on this very day, was the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen. His sandy skin made his perfectly groom long dark beard seem almost exotic and his soft forest green eyes gleamed behind slick black glasses conveyed the kindness inside of him. His hair was a playful mess of dark brown curls that almost seemed like intentional chaos. He waved his left hand in front of my gaping face. "Are you okay?" Snapping out of the trance he put me in I took his hand, nodding. "I'm okay. Thank you but what happened?" "Uh, you almost walked in front of a bus. You would've been seriously injured. Are you sure your okay?" "Yea, it's just that." I looked away feeling hot tears threaten to escape down my rosy cheeks. I couldn't believe this was happened now, after this beautiful man helped me. Why? Why was I on the verge of tears now of all times? Why was I regretting now? "Today's my day so I guess I'm a little out of it," I reached my arm towards him showing him the curse I wished I could hide. I forced back the tears. "Come with me!" He grabbed my hand ignoring my red eyes and confession completely. Since it was the last day I'd live anyway, I followed. We ended up at an ice cream parlor a couple blocks away. "My treat!" "Oh no, you d-" "Really it's no biggie! Get whatever you want!" I could tell there was no changing his mind so I ordered a scoop of strawberry cheesecake on a cone and he ordered a double scoop of butter pecan. After I thanked him he smiled at me, "sometimes things don't always turn out the way we think they will". "What do you mean?" I wrinkled my eyebrows trying hard to understand. "You'll find out" he walked away waving as he ate his double scoop. It was a strange encounter but I was grateful for his help and kindness. I enjoyed the last ice cream I'd ever have. By this time it was late afternoon and I had walked around all day just listening to those around me living their lives. I was tired so I decided to go a field near my old house. It was just a random lot no one used that had been for sell since I was 4. I laid in the grass and closed my eyes thinking maybe it'd be an undiscovered species of poisonous bug that'd kill me. I hoped not. I hated bugs. I was lost in thought for hours before I my mind became so worn out I dozed off. I suddenly jerked awake unsure what had awoken me. The world was quiet and the moon was high in the sky. I subconsciously checked the clock on my phone, 1:24am. Damn, it was late. I didn't think I'd sleep that long. I stood up and brushed the grass off my clothes before I realized. 1:24am July 22nd 2018, it was the day after my death stamp indicated. They were proven 100% accurate but here I was, alive. I looked to the top of the sloped field to see Mr. Gorgeous who had bought me ice cream. He smiled knowingly as I tried to comprehend what the hell was going on! Why the fuck was I still alive and better yet, did he follow me? "I know this is a lot to comprehend but we should really get going." Mr. Gorgeous was bent down with his beautiful face just inches from mine. Oh man those eyes were stunning. I hadn't noticed before but there were tiny, almost unnoticeable, speckles of burnt orange around the pupils. They reminded me of a dense forest in the beginning of fall when only bits of leaves had begun to change. "Man, Iris, you're really spacey!" His voice snapped me out of the trace his eyes had trapped me in. Why was he so entrancing? "Wait a second, I don't think I told you my name." He smirked at my shock as he straightened his back. "I know you have a lot of questions but we really need to go" he reached out his right hand and that's when I realized. The day before he used his left hand to help me up but I didn't think much of it until now. There, on the inside of his right arm, read June 12 2016. I wasn't the only one to live past there date or even the first. I silently took his hand still trying to understand what this meant. Were the tattoos wrong or did someone mess with destiny? He must have know I needed time to think because he just guided me to his car opening the door for me before getting in himself. We must have been driving for a while because when his words brought me out of my racing thoughts the sun was blaring in my crystal blue eyes. "We're here." He turned off the vehicle and looked at me seeming worried. "I know you're wondering why your alive. It's really hard to explain but basically you're immortal. Actually we both are. In rare cases there are people born with a death stamp depicting an all too early death, some of us don't die on those days but our old lives do come to an end. You're going to notice things changing. You won't have to sleep as much, your senses will improve, you'll stop aging, you'll heal faster, and some of us develop extraordinary strength or speed. More and more of us are being born every day. Basically what I was told was the human race is mutating or further evolving." He looked at me trying to gauge how I was taking this. I wasn't ready to die, this was great but I'd never see my parents again. It was clear this was something we had to keep secret. "You know, you never told me your name" I know it's random but he hadn't and he was as shocked by the question as I was that it had come out of my mouth. "You're right! I'm sorry, It's Ren." He laughed, " I wasn't expecting that." He let out a deep sigh and looked at the ground. "This is the first time I've done this. We get sent to keep an eye on people who have count down that shows them dying at a young age like you. That way if they don't die, we can help them and answer their questions." "That's...really great. I don't know what I would've done if I'd been on my own" I couldn't imagine being more confused than I was at the moment but I at least had answers. "Okay, well this is where we stay for now. We have a bunch of safe houses. Unfortunately, some people know about the mutations and want to run experiments to try to replicate it in those who weren't born with the gene. Apparently some of the first people to evolve agreed to cooperate with scientist but they went too far and innocent people died, both those with the mutated gene and those without. That didn't stop them so there's a bit of a society of us that protect the evolved people. This is the next step for humanity to live on so we don't want the mutated gene to die out just because those without the gene are greedy." Ren led me to a beautiful farm house. We seemed to be out in the middle of no where. "So what next then?" I starting to feel uneasy at the thought of such a huge change. I know, I had taken things really well so far. I mean, I thought I was going to die but now I learn I'm immortal so that's good news. Despite that I'd never see my parents, I'd be living with strangers, and apparently scientists want to dissect me. "No one is here right now and no one will bother you till tomorrow. I'll give you some space and you're welcome to anything in the kitchen. Tomorrow you'll mean the watcher of our base. Her name is Karen and she pretty much finds information on anyone who could be evolved and sends someone to keep an eye on them. She'll let you know more and you can choose if you want to stay here and help us find and protect more of the evolved or do something else." By the time we finished speaking we had entered the farm house and went the stairs. "Well, here's your room. Get some rest and let me know if you need anything. The kitchen is downstairs on right and you have your own bathroom attached to your room. Karen will stop by when she gets back tomorrow." "Thank you" he returned down stairs and I entered my room. I didn't really take in my surroundings as I flopped on my new queen sized bed. I was exhausted, confused, a little sad, and most of all I was relieved. As I slowly drifted into a deep sleep full of vivid dreams I thought about how lucky I really was. I now had a chance to really live my life. Not many get a second chance like this.