#she knows fuck all about space
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Iâm on my way to Hull rn and my grandad just texted me saying that you can see Venus next to the moon đ
British space nerds look out ur windows it looks so cool!!!
#space#astronomy#I love space so much#my sister tried to say it was a star#and I was like itâs not#she knows fuck all about space#apparently itâs super rare to see a planet next to our moon
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Hey girl, what the fuck is your problem?
#do you think that Adaine and Fig ever use Kristen as a night light when they want snacks at night?#considering that she glows and all#through the massive scarred over empty space in her chest#check out the fy faebees doodle here too because thatâs a thing I think about#fig looks so fucking goofy in the last one#whatever sheâs having a good time#ignore tenderness by Julia Jacklin has been eating me alive forever since the beginning of time#blood cw#cw blood#cw violence#I donât know how to tag being impaled?? Iâm sorry if someone knows what to do for that let me know#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#d20 fanart#fh#fantasy high fanart#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fhsy spoilers#kristen applebees#kristen chilis applebees#cassandra fantasy high#fig faeth#undescribed#my art
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actually you know what now that iâve had a minute to process
WHAT on earth was that odysseus/athena reunion. no âitâs been 10 years wtfâ??? no âodysseus iâm the one that freed you from calypsoâs islandâ???? no âi called for you and you still cameâ??!?! no âhey athena why do you look like you took a lighting bolt to the face?â âhaha funny story actuallyââ ????????????
at least we got confirmation that athena did in fact survive zeusâs electric temper tantrum but NO CLOSURE??
#this is not to rag on jorge or the ithaca saga at all!!#i realize that this last leg was supposed to be odysseus/penelope-centric and that there wasnât much available space#and i know that itâs really supposed to focus on odysseusâs morality and character post-vengeance saga BUT#iâm just insane about athena and especially insane about love in paradise/god games#and sheâs important to his arc !!#and i really want to know how badly that lighting bolt fucked her up!! sue me!!#anyways i miss athena </3 come home queen#epic the musical#epic athena#the ithaca saga#lettieâs letters
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Ink October day twenty-five: Contexture
The act of weaving or assembling parts into a whole.
An arrangement of interconnected parts; a structure.
The arrangement and union of the constituent parts of a thing; a weaving together of parts; structural character of a thing; system; constitution; texture.
#will I ever be normal about them? no. fuck you.#kh xion#kh roxas#kh sora#xion kh#roxas kh#sora kh#roxas#Xion#kingdom hearts xion#xion kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts sora#sora kingdom hearts#roxas kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts roxas#kingdom hearts#kh#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 25#thinking about how Xion isnât just Soraâs replica but Roxasâ as well. girlie has more identity issues then you can shake a stick at#she fights like Roxas she fights like Sora she might even like fighting but she was made for it after all#does the weopon like violence because it enjoys it or because it is a weopon to begin with#Iâd say Sora to a certain extent enjoys fighting (see: the colosseum and the play fighting during childhood) I think he likes fighting peop#and likes fighting with people when the stakes arenât too high. itâs fun. on the other hand I think the closest thing to fighting Roxas#likes is struggle. maybe with some play wrestling or something. but if the person your hitting isnât dropping colour balls he isnât into it#it becomes at best a chore at worst something that would fuck with his trauma. he doesnât wanna be a keyblade master he wants to be normal.#Xion on the other hand is much more complicated. I think she enjoys it (her choosing to train on their day off) but more in the way that#she finds it satisfying instead of fun. she likes Completing Tasks and Improving and things that when she focuses on past reveal she finds#uncomfortable. running out of space but Phemiecâs All I Want. âall I want is to know the wanting is my ownâ ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgg
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of tenâs companions, if the doctor couldnât handle losing them and crossed his own timeline to trick them into traveling with future!him instead of past!him so that heâd have a little more time with them:
rose would do it. first because bless her but she has the situational awareness of a rock, and legitimately would not realize this isnât her doctor until his facade starts to break down and he starts bleeding grief-laced love for her at every turn. but once she does realize it, sheâs both deeply sympathetic and a little scared that she could make him into this. itâs a lot to be confronted with having that much power over someone, to break them so thoroughly. rose would try to get back to her doctor, but while sheâs with the future version, she tries to do what she can to ease his pain. (she also tries to figure out a way to subvert her fate. she fails.)
i think martha would be harder to trick. she can smell desperation on the doctor like a bloodhound. she is so tapped into the fact that this man wants to off himself so bad and that sheâs 90% of his self-restraint, so present her with a doctor who is lacking that and sheâs onto him immediately. however, assuming he gets her to come with him, explains why heâs doing this, thereâs like. a minute where sheâs kind of. not flattered exactly, but surprised, giddy with the realization that heâd come back for a little more time with her, especially if this is early season 3 martha. which would all come crashing down around the time that he reveals that he wasnât pushed to this by losing her to some tragedy or her death or anything- but that she chose to leave. that is the point at which martha goes âoh i need to get the fuck off of this tardis right nowâ and ghosts the past!doctor that she was also traveling with because holy shit, man.
donna, like rose, is easily bamboozled into following the wrong doctor home, provided that he shuffles her along into his tardis too fast for her to argue. but she catches on far quicker than rose does. like, three minutes tops of watching the doctor move through the tardis in a way thatâs definitely not enthusiastic piloting and looks more like guilty panic. and then she yells at him for lying to her. and she yells at him for kidnapping her. and then she stops yelling because heâs gone sort of still and quiet and his eyes are just broken. and he doesnât explain himself, he confesses. donna is going to try to stay with him after this btw. because how do you go back to looking your best friend in the eyes when you know heâd take everything youâve become away from you, even to save your life? and this is still the doctor, he still did that to her, but he regrets it. regrets it so much that he canât live with it, heâs breaking time and space just to hear her say his name again. and donna doesnât want to lose him anymore than he wanted to lose her.
#i am so enthralled by this concept you have no idea#also like. i mentioned in roseâs section how this is a genuinely scary situation for her.#but to be clear. it is for all three of them the moment they realize that this Is Not Their Doctor#because theyre suddenly on a ship going through time ans space with. almost a stranger. and one who has proven that heâs break laws#fundamental to his worldview rather than let them go#doctor who#rose tyler#martha jones#martha girl get the fuck out of there oh my god#the doctor comes out looking the worst in her section rip to him for not handling her leaving him in a normal and healthy way very well#i think it would be very funny if the doctor said goodbye to her and then immediately went. âoh! right! martha is the only thing keeping me#from jumping off a cliff! brb i need to get martha back at whatever cost!â sir go to therapy#donna noble#also also to be clear im not trying to insult rose in her section thats just how she is#remember that time her boyfriend turned into plastic in front of her and she. didnt notice. or that time the doctor was being strangled in#the other room and she. didnt notice.#rose tyler girl that you are. you never know what the fuck is going on around you and i love you for that. how are you still alive.#REMEMBER THAT TIME SHE GOT BACK FROM AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION AND DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THE DALEK ABOUT TO SHOOT THE DOCTOR IN THE FACE#ROSE TYLER. GIRL. LOOK LEFT AND RIGHT BEFORE CROSSING A STREET AT LEAST#donnaâs here is the most fucked up i think because even if this situation is âresolvedâ and she goes back to her doctor like. how does she#keep going with that fact in the back of her mind at all times. that he can and will do this to her. that heâll take himself and everything#else away from her while she begs him not to.#angst <3
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Can we not just stop birthing men like... women have to stop giving life to men.
I'm doing my part âïž and I agree but collectively most women wouldn't. I remember when there was discourse over a radfem having & celebrating giving birth to a baby boy. I've seen radfems praise lesbian couples adopting baby boys.
Tbh a lot of women are sellouts, they sellout other women & even betray themselves for love or having a slightly higher social status in society. When forced to cohabit with predators that have more power & essentially want to reproduce a copy of themselves, women giving them that could elevate or secure their status in society - it's an incentive & many would go for it.
Another thing to consider is that many women birth maIes to spare their lives, there's been cases where maIes would kill their partners & daughters for the woman not having a son (even though the sperm determines the sex). Part of me considers maternal instincts of women not being able to kill their maIe offspring bc that's still their child but then I think of post partum psychosis & cultures where daughters are routinely killed when they're born. If these instincts applied to maIe & female children I dont think things would've gotten this bad. Also a lot of women treat their sons much better than their daughters.
In a patriarchial society, birthing sons lets boymoms live out their power fantasies through their sons. They 'borrow' power from their sons or use their sons as a proxy for power. Like toxic mother in-laws treating their daughter in-laws like shit bc it's through the association that this woman is married to their son, women that cover up their sons sex crimes, in some cultures; boymoms look for women who've undergone FGM for their sons.
Bear in mind so many women still have faith in maIes as a collective, they think they'll raise the "good ones". This notion is popular in feminist spaces, women think they'll magically train & raise maIe allies. There's a saying of how several boymoms have emotional incest with their sons, they see there aren't good maIes in society so they want to create their own one(s).
However I think the biggest issue is that women are never going to be sociopathic or apathetic enough to moids. It would take a high level of apathy to abort maIe fetuses & refuse to birth another xy solely on the basis of their sex, to get to this point you'd need to have this feeling towards maIes generally and most women dont have this. MaIe survival is contentigent on female subjugation, women dont need to subjugate maIes to survive, we carry life, we can also provide for ourselves & maIes know it which is why they've set up societies the way they are and they're brutal about it because they and their bloodlines would be dead anyways if they dont have a system forcing women to rely on them to survive. That said; In the end despite everything, many women still want to partner with maIes, many women still love & believe in maIes. Most women wont disassociate with maIes collectively, catherine mckinnon goes into this in her book "the second sex" where she speaks about how women are scattered everywhere & identify with the tribes maIes put them into as opposed to seeing themselves as a sovereign group.
I personally dont think birthing another oppressor is worth it but people are different. Of course this can (& does) backfire against women but by the time the damage is realised it's too late. Ultimately for a shift in gender ratio & for women to refuse to birth maIes at any cost, they need to think bigger than themselves individually. Think of womankind instead of maIe supremacy & its structures but this will never happen & I wont kid myself otherwise.
#Slightly off point but the greatest maternal instinct of all is refusing to bring life to this hellhole#Going back to my point on women believing in males changing I guarantee even if males genuienly apologised for their actions#and also committed to change; most women would overlook the terrorism moids unleashed#This was so blackpilling to see in feminist spaces; despite all thats seen about male violence many women would still go to bat for males#at the end of the day. This is hinted at with how many women say they dont want revenge they want equality like fuck no#i want xys to suffer for everything they've done idc how forgiving they are. I recently saw a bunch of women coddling a moid who admitted t#creeping on women but claimed to have changed & was sorry.#Also back to radfems celebrating birthing baby boys; prior to this person giving birth she made an insightful tweet on the way#males dehumanise women through sex bots and it was like damn after all that you still happily give birth to & celebrate a baby boy claiming#you'll raise better. Very unserious; all of this is a game to most.#Also before anyone starts boymom apologism best believe majority of these women know the risks of what they're birthing into this world#when birthing a maIe bc they know what maIes are like.#zeeanswers#blackpill feminism#blackpill feminist
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draw ONE short and fat character from a piece of media as a skinny miss thing and I'm side eyeing. do it to TWO and I know you're just a bitch
#dude sorry i saw art from some artist of a fuckin DISCONCERTING sans like he was all leg and super thin??#and i was like âoh this is wrong and upsettingâ and it was so obviously intentional#and i went to their blog to see if maybeeee it was a one time thingggg#and i saw they'd drawn alphys the SAME way like skinny and with a lot of leg#and the art wasn't BAD it was pretty good so i was like ohhhhh okay#no its okay i get what's happening here. i see what you're doing. BITCH#like guys if you can't bring urself to draw sans fat you shouldn't get sans privileges sorry BUT YOU DONT DESERVE HIM#obviously the same for alphys and as she is a lil short chubby woman i'm like ohhhh so ur like a BITCH bitch okay#i know people like to whine about âohhhh let artists draw things the way they want to wahhhâ but consider... shut up <3#i didn't say shit to em and now i'm here in my FAT FUCKIN SPACE FOR MY FAT SLOB ASS hating on them#but fr you lose me w skinny sans and alphys like guys did we play the same fucking games lol#baffling bc they have SO many skinny characters to choose from but they go outta their way to remove the fatness from the fat ones#like hmmm how curious you would do that... its almost like you.... like you don't like it when.... no i shan't say it
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little secret just for you guys that I haven't talked to anyone irl about: I haven't read a single book in full since I quit working at the library (after being continuously harassed by my boss and hr for being disabled) over a year ago. I've only been back to that library a handful of times and haven't checked anything out since then either
#every time i try to read like all i can think about is the way they treated me#it hurt a lot having my childhood safe space ripped from me. literally the library ive gone to since i was a baby#and i feel like i cant talk to anyone about it because everyone has this rosy idea of what working in a library is like#administration in a lot of libraries across the country is completely fucked#a few months after i started working there a coworker drove me home. it was her last day there after quitting#as i got out of the car she very firmly said 'do not let the library fuck you over. dont let them walk all over you. stand up for yourself'#its crazy how many former employees i know who they completely fucked over in a thousand different ways#they think that because theyre a nonprofit they can treat people however they want. and they say that out loud
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the way i see people talk about michelle like. did we see the same show lmao
#''she SENT ted AWAY'' she asked for space (btw a suggestion by the therapist wanting to fuck her) and HE moved to a whole other country#she also? told ted to pack a suit with him like she HELPED ted pack at least to move too#i also think some people absolutely refuse to see constant optimism as a flaw when the narrative 1000% lays it out for you#that it IS a flaw of ted's. like watch s2. ted refused to let walls down until sharon basically made him ?????#until his trauma broke out and he was forced to confront things like#imagine you're in a struggling marriage and your husband absolutely refuses to let those walls down and hides behind optimism all the time#IT'S IN THE SHOW GUYS. THAT'S HIS S2 ARC. LETTING HIS WALLS DOWN TO HEALLLLLL#to actually be serious about what he's been through and how he feels#the show says that his optimism ad good outlook are masks to how depressed he feels#idk man like. watching some of tan lines and feeling a way#she also was willing to force herself to love him and ''keep trying you know i will'#also midwestern middle age woman willingly goign to therapy like something must've been going on w her ?????????
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i think i mightve talked abt this a bit in my longpost about how insane phi as a character is to me but yknow what i really wanna point out? all the nonary game shit she has to go through happens in really quick succession to her - she doesn't really get a proper "break" in between VLR and ZTD for her mentally. junpei and akane at least have about a year between the two, and sigma has 45 years (not that either of those situations were particularly good either though, looking at how sigma and junpei especially turned out, and sigma spent years WORKING on the AB game, just not participating in it). but for phi? she has a matter of DAYS in between the two. the time sigma spends she spends in cold sleep, so mentally to her, her consciousness goes from the events of VLR's phi end to DCOM almost instantly. dcom only ends up lasting for about 5 days, and even then the prologue states that phi/sigma/akane spent most of it worrying about radical-6 and the future + the flashback with diana shows phi is just so Tired after everything after just that. and then the decision game happens. my point is just that i cannot imagine being in a death game like that (not to mention everyone had radical-6, so she went from a body that Did have it to one that didn't, which i can imagine would probably a pretty weird experience considering one of its symptoms is messing up your perception of time. and also she was on the moon.), spending 5 days like god how did the apocalypse start i can't let it happen this time and then being in Another death game that is much more gruesome and violent. not to mention both of them in a way HAD to happen because of her (2074 nonary game bc it needed to train sigma and phi's SHIFTing abilities to a good enough degree and decision game one of the reasons was to ensure she and delta were born). in summary: i would fucking die at that point if i was phi dealing with that All At Once. in the span of a few days. and with the memories of my + others' deaths. what the fuck
#trevor.txt#zero escape#zero escape phi#phi vlr#vlr spoilers#virtue's last reward#zero time dilemma#ztd#like. not that junpei/akane/sigma Dont also kind of go through it a bit in the space they're given#especially in sigma's case how LONG it is is one of the things that messes him up a bit#but phi gets like. a matter of days mentally#which is insane. what the fuck. i personally could not handle that she is stronger than i am#like i talked abt this in the post where i mentioned how the characters chsange from 999/vlr to ZTD but like!#it makes sense that phi's notably more emotional + doesn't really care if she dies or not. its all kind of Recent#just messes me up thinking about it. especially with the whole âgoing from a body with radical-6 to a body that doesn'tâ thing i mentioned#and the flashback with diana !!! Good Lord#who else up being known for being cold and unemotional but having a moment where you're just so tired after everything youve been through#that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't even know that well#i dont know. im fucked up. does anyone understand this fucks me up a bit#phiposting#<- making a tag for this bc i talk abt her A Lot on here
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getting to the bottom of the new area and going oh 1. ajaw was telling the truth about what (he thinks) he was 2. so that's why he looks like that 3. did kinich go to ochkanatlan to meet him or was he set up somewhere else
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#I MEAN. I PRESUME??#otherwise it's just a coincidence that he's named Divine Rulership and mentioned by name. maybe he named himself that but c'mon#anyway head in hands oh my god. lore.#automatons modeled after dragons....yeah.... like the humans made automatons modeled after humans. wouldn't dragons do the same#cannot believe we just. killed them. no questions asked. they had 30 years to go we couldn't have like. asked them some questions first.#but anyway yeah presumably the land of seven flames was pretty big? not Just ochkanatlan. so ajaw Could have been elsewhere#were they in different places? or was ochkanatlan pretty much it. hm#anyway haha. what the fuck were those holy sovereign's notes huh#''she showed me all there was to know about the ancient empire:#''that ladder that climbed up to the firmament. those weapons converted from (...); those cannons that could tear (...) to pieces;#''those (...) that fell from the three moons; the research about (...) and wishes...''#HELLO? HELLOOO??#IS ANYBODY THERE.#[we knew most of this stuff already but hearing it CONFIRMED like this is making me insane]#the divine ladder [hinted at in the spiral abyss description] climbing up to the firmament [false sky]#those weapons [gnoses perhaps?] converted from [third descender's corpse if so]#are ''the cannons'' referring to the same thing? or does celestia have. oh fuck sentence canceled. the nails???#the research about something and wishes [visions]. but what was the other thing. hmm#ALSO WHAT FELL FROM THE THREE [destroyed] MOONS. WHAT DON'T WE KNOW. HELLO.#also i initially took her ''as a long lived species memory is a curse'' to mean like. mara. or erosion#which might be the case but also like. storage space. memory. on a computer...
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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two of you. always in sync
#you know what i wasnt gonna do this but i rewatched prodigal son and uh. some of the frames made me crazyyyy this time around#and i love imagery it has to be said#its like. this time around i actually Perceived them. and not watched them like. every time liv looks at el its like. she cant believe it#like she's looking at a ghost. like he's gonna disappear any second#and at the same time. she can barely look him in the eye. she looks at him when he isnt watching. lest he sees. lest he recognizes her#and what shes feeling. lest she recognizes that he still knows her and *sees* her even after all this time. and she cant have it. she wont#so she watches him and observes him like shes both memorizing him and recognizing him.especially in that interrogation room... fuck me bro#that metaphor. of her standing right between el and the suspect. up against that mirror. and we're seeing her reflection.#the present liv the captain watching like a hawk and the past liv. right behind her back in the room with el sensing him and seeing#him getting ready to pounce. like the shot of her with el's fists in the background. oh mama. she just knows âdo you need a break detective#and then them being literally divided in some of those shots. by the window binds by kathy and space and actual doors#(and her sliding those doors in the first place and then watching from the other side and the cut to her again watching through the door an#OPENING IT???)#and i havent even talked about el lmao. but it's svu it's supposed to be liv centric (well) but anyway#i havent essayed in the tags in so long i forgot to tag this in the beginning oopsie daisy#svuedit#bensleredit#eo#lawandorderedit#svu#benson x stabler#*mine#*svu
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Yeah me... I'm waiting patiently for your oc art, they're so beautiful, cool and elegant on your arts/sketches. Not to mention how your anatomy absolutely amazing (especially the wings, you draw them so good!) and color palettes so soft and nice. And concepts for your ocs cool too, they're simple but your presentation of them is so unique and beautiful! The lore is also sounds interesting, would love to hear about them more!
So anyways, you're amazingđ«
And I'm sorry, if this is too much
đ„č thank you, it's really nice to hear people do see my OCs
#i can share that the lore of that new moon fox oc of mine is that 'she ate the moon' but my brain refuses to elaborate on what it means#like alright she got something with the moon that also granted her some...moon...space.. whatever.. powers and those stars in her mane#but my brain also wants to keep the moon in the sky so like. did she eat a moon rock? got a mouthful of moon dirt??#fucking gulped water with moon reflected in it i do not know#but hey thats already basically a deity so she can do whatever she wants#cloud has been asked#the lore is all over the place so i often think theres just nothing to share#the characters dont have one established world theyd exist in#but at the same time i dont share anything about their stories really
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're âweirdâ. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now âFuck it we ballâ#sorry for the personal post
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frickin shite that was the worst small group I've ever been to in my life
#the eisegesis made me want to rattle out of my bones in frustration#got corrected for trying to cross-reference because ''we only stick to our one passage'' and nearly fucking cried about it#I PHYSICALLY CANNOT NOT CROSS-REFERENCE SCRIPTURE#not only is it a shitty hermeneutical process but it's also just Not How My Brain Works!!#y'all have seen me crossreference on this blog it isn't just the Bible! I can't Not crossreference things to save my life#and I basically got (admittedly she was trying to be kind about it) corrected in front of the entire group of 20somethings#and the couple that leads it are so PARTICULAR and nitpicky and it has to be done their way or you're gonna get corrected#my first introduction to her was her coming up to me while I was working the sound booth and telling me about something#wrong with my production setup that I KNEW ABOUT and WAS AND STILL AM NOT ABLE TO CHANGE#(our camera for livestreams doesn't have a high enough mount and I don't have space to extend it higher so we catch the tops#of people's heads in the camera shot)#and the girl I went bc I want to get to know her better WASNT EVEN THERE#I spent the entire time trying not to cry or look at anyone#I need to find a different small group... sorry all the kids my age were nice but I can't handle the structure or leaders#Lu rambles#adulthood woes
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