#she is a strong independent black woman who don't need no man

[rockybloo]

A pet peeve of mine is how fandom will usually labeled a black girl as a lesbian which there’s nothing wrong with that however they tend to do this whenever the media show her and a guy lead having a romantic interest and says she’s a queen she need no man or she’s into girls so they can’t be together. It just sound coming from a place of malice cause they never explore her sexuality in their hcs or fanfic they just use it as an excuse to now ship her with the male lead saying there’s no way men will find her attraction. And it just using black lesbians as a scapegoat rather then exploration

The "She's an independent woman who don't need no man" is a double edged sword for black female characters because while it's meant to paint them as strong female characters, it is also an expectation for all black girls both fictional and real.

Not every black woman is super independent. There are plenty who need a helping hand or are more quiet or more shy but they get shoved under the "STRONG AND INDEPENDENT" label because that's what everyone and the media portrays them as. And this is SO rampant in fandom spaces sadly because a lot of series feed into this mentality.

And often when black female characters get this label slapped on them, they wind up in a more dominate role in a romantic relationship, and then people start writing them...weird. Some make them more masculine, some make them weirdly maternal - but they typically have to take on more responsibility than other female characters in the same series.

It's so damn rare for me to find fiction that features soft black girls...at least in fiction that isn't written by another black person (occasionally I will find other creators of color that manage to steer away from this independent trope).

ANYWAYS Fandoms will always fumble black girls because people don't bother to look into how something that might seem like a positive and harmless thing for one race may be a stereotype and expectation for another.

That and tons of people don't bother to look into other ways they can portray a female character as strong without using independence. IT IS POSSIBLE and VERY ENCOURAGED!

ESPECIALLY WHEN WRITING BLACK GIRLS

YOU DON'T ALWAYS GOTTA MAKE 'EM SASSY

[sukibenders]

Some in the Arcane fandom think they are being helpful when, regarding Mel having romantic relationships, they say "She's a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a (in this case) man", but they really aren't. Even if they don't mean to, or were being genuine, the statement is still riddled with many undertones because the "Strong Black Woman" trope is often placed on so many black female characters to often deny them the opportunity of love and care and protection that they, in fiction and real life, are often not given or given right off the bat in comparison to their counterparts, to the point where they don't even get the choice either, as well as to push them aside.

It's not even a compliment because, oftentimes, when this term/trope is used, it doesn't even take into account the amount of stress it takes to be strong, let alone strong and alone. Another thing, which also makes it very backhanded, this trope really rears its head regarding Mel from a lot of JayVik fans, some who I will give benefit of doubt while others know exactly what they are doing. Using this term to brush off the fact that, whether you ship them or not, Mel and Jayce shared a bond with one another and she would obviously be saddened to hear of his demise (unless some of you are still running with the trope of her being heartless or just like Ambessa, and even that loses weight when you see Ambessa call Mel her literal weakness). Like, apply this to real life, why would you automatically assume that a black woman doesn't need love just because she's strong? Why do you think she doesn't need to be held or consoled? Why don't you think black girls and women want to see black female characters who are, not only, strong and have power, but also loved and cherished in the same breath?

To add on, there's this trend in fandom of labeling a female character as a "girlboss" or "queen" or just any of these terms, but not doing/adding anything else to her character besides "She's strong!" but will write 1000 word essays on the male characters within the same media. Do you see the problem here? This happens with Mel so much to the point where people don't even know who she is as a character. People (specifically toxic shippers) said that she's just like Ambessa, but the show went out of its way to show you again and again why she is not. Or did you just ignore it/watch with your eyes closed?

[ladyniniane]

The worst Greek mythology retelling?

Unless you live in a cave (lucky you), you can't have escaped the wave of Greek mythology retellings. Some are bad, some are good and most of them are mediocre. Among those I've read, one was particularly bad and cringe and we are going to dissect it today.

PSA: As you can see, I didn't include the book's title in the post, nor use specific tags. This post is primarily aimed at me and my mutuals. If you disagree, feel free to block me and mask my username. You're the master of your ship and the only one who can curate your internet experience. Rude comments will be sent to the Tartarus blocked. And I mean, you aren't going to change my mind anyway so don't bother trying😎.

Now that we are done, let me introduce you to this book.

I already see some of you in the back rows being like "But Niniane, why did you bother with this? It's obviously going to be bad!". Well, sometimes I need things that are light and easy to read. Everyone needs to turn their brain off from time to time.

And besides, it looked inoffensive. The idea of modern women being isekaied during the Trojan War is fun. As a writer and enjoyer of OC fanfics, I absolutely love new takes and dynamics with existing characters.

Except that...it wasn't fun at all! Let's dive! And I hope you're prepared because it's gonna be a ride.

-So it starts with the goddesses being fed up with the Trojan War and male egos (Lego des Zhommes if you're French). They decide to find a way to stop the war. So far, so good.

-And their solution is to...send modern women back in time. Yeah, because they think that ancient-era women are too weak and meek. Only independent modern women will be able to handle those strong warriors:

"modern mortal women are different from ancient women [...] they're independent and smart and not used to bowing down and taking orders [...] maidens from the ancient world are not equipped to handle such a man, but I know that modern mortal women are different ---stronger, smarter, more independent."

Yes, you've read correctly.

First of all, it reeks of victim-blaming. If the Trojan women had been more assertive, they could have stopped this. It could have prevented them from being raped and enslaved! They just had to lean in and...Stop, stop. And I'm sorry but those ancient women are more equipped with dealing with that sort of men because they live with them every day. Idk the goddesses could have just...empowered the Trojan women so they could resist? Send the Amazons to help (with more success than in the original myths)? Give them a safe place where they could be protected?

-So, anyway, the heroine is transported in the body of a Trojan princess. But there is another problem. The heroine's friend who transmigrates with her is black. And she gets turned into a white woman. The reason? "Jacqueline’s lovely dark skin would be too hard to explain among the golden Greeks"(sic.). Here, we can see that the author didn't bother doing her research. Many stories regarding the Trojan War have an African king come to the Trojans' aid. The ancient world was furthermore interconnected. So yes, it would have been f*cking easy to explain. And to add insult to injury, our black woman turned white becomes the servant of the main character and is treated as her property.

-So anyway, MC becomes Achilles' war prize. And being a war prize is such a cool and fun life! You can wander around the camp, with no fear of being sexually assaulted!

-MC is a therapist and wants to try to help Achilles. She thus practices hypnosis on him and decides to have sex with him while he's still in that state. So, she basically rapes him. The worst thing: she knows it's wrong, but she does it anyway and she isn't sorry.

-Then, Achilles tells the MC that he has frequent bouts of berserk rage and that he even raped a woman. But he didn't mean to do it. Poor meow meow.

Needless to say, I stopped here. This wasn't fun, this was downright insensitive. The ending is predictable: MC ends up with Achilles and MC's best friend with Patroclus because no one can stay single!

Anyway, that was, imo, the worst Greek mythology retelling.

[thequeenofthedisneyverse]

TO ALL WRITERS: Here's some character stereotypes to avoid

Sassy black woman stereotype: Seriously, it paints us all as this ignorant, loud, disrespectful woman and I hate it. STOP IT! We all have varying personalities. A black woman can be shy. A black woman can be timid. A black woman can be naive, optimistic, nonchalant, observing. She CAN be sassy but what else? Is she sassy and classy? Is she sassy but caring?

This also ties into the strong independent black woman trope, and it needs to stop. This stereotype is harmful to black woman and make people think "Oh she's strong enough to handle it on her own" or "Oh she's so strong to keep all her trauma inside". For the love of god, have black woman characters be vulnerable. Let them cry. Let them experience negative emotions besides aggression or "I can do it all on my own"

Feminine gay man stereotype: A man can be gay and feminine, but don't make that the whole core of his personality. What does he like to do for fun? What was his childhood like? What are his hobbies? What are his flaws? What are things that disgust him texture, tasting, or personality wise? How bad are his flaws? What are his morals? Does he have neutral morals? Is he clumsy? Street smart? book smart? Both? Also, not gay men aren't attracted to every guy they see. They have types!

And another thing! Feminine pansexual men exist! Feminine bi men exist! Feminine straight men exist! Feminine asexual men exist! Feminine aromantic men exist! Hell, feminine AROACE men exist! Get that in your head.

ENOUGH with the girlboss characters "who don't need no man". Disney has run this trope into the ground and I'm tired of it. A woman can still have her prince and be a girlboss too!

Let your female characters make mistakes, let them have flaws, let them get hurt. They don't ALWAYS have to win. And when they don't win, let them see their failure as something to learn from.

Also, I'm not entirely sure if this is a stereotype but someone in the Arcane fandom pointed out how people just assumed that Victor and Jinx couldn't possible form romantic or sexual relationships because of their physical/mental illness...

Victor just simply has a physical illness that slows him down from time to time. That has nothing to do with his sexual/romantic orientation. I full heartedly believe Jinx can be in a romantic relationship and feel sexual attraction.

People's Physical and mental illnesses have NOTHING to do with how they form romantic/sexual relationships. It's how they navigate them that matter. Now, as far as characters (and people IRL) go with mental illnesses, as long as the character is in therapy and taking necessary precautions to keep themselves and their s/o safe, that's fine. But if not...I'm not sure if I'm qualified to speak on these things but if a character or person isn't taking care of themselves mentally the last thing they should be in is a relationship (but that's just my opinion, I hope I didn't offend anyone).

If anyone else have some stereotypes that people need to avoid feel free to reblog or comment.

[shrinkthisviolet]

8, 9, 10 for the Choose Violence ask game?👀

8: common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Caitlin did not “kiss back” in 1x19 due to romantic feelings, she was being assaulted and was forced into both kisses. Using it as shipping fuel is disgusting—you can make ship content without it, I promise. Plenty of fanon ships manage just fine

Same for the KF/Barry kiss. Killer Frost was literally trying to kill Barry! She uses this same trick to kill a guy in s2—it’s literally her MO as a character (even as far back as the comics, which is literally where she comes from)! I don’t see that used as often for shipping fuel, but I still see it enough to be annoyed by it

9: worst part of canon

…you know, between the Forces arc, the Godspeed arc, the Cobalt Blue arc, the Negative arc in s8, and the whole plotline with Khione and Chillame (also Frost/Blaine in general tbh), it’s hard to choose. I think the Forces arc takes the cake, but man, there’s so much about s7-s9 to hate

(honorable mention goes to the Mirrorverse arc for having Barry be canonically raped, as confirmed by Mirror Iris’s gloating (“sharing your bed”), and then 5 minutes later having Barry cradle his rapist in his arms and sympathize with her. While also encouraging us to sympathize with her. And then never mentioning the rape again)

10: worst part of fanon

The fact that hating on Iris and wishing death on her, in tandem with shipping Barry with a white woman (no seriously, the Iris hate always goes in tandem with “it should’ve been Caitlin/Kara/Patty” + “Savitar should’ve finished the job*”) is such a common fandom opinion that you are incredibly likely to find it outside of Tumblr even in a video that doesn’t even have Iris in it…so frustrating. You have to look to find Westallen shippers and carve out a niche…and you have to weigh “can I trust this Flash clip to have normal comments?” (The answer is usually no). It seriously pisses me off (I've found one channel that reliably does not have Iris hate in their comments, but...*sigh* those comments have their own problems)

Also, even some SB shippers who don't outright hate Iris still have such a microaggressive way of talking about her. Calling Iris “annoying” while saying Caitlin is perfect, criticizing Iris and then laughing it off as a joke, saying she’s a “strong independent woman who doesn't need a man”...ugh. Saying that about a WOC is not as progressive as y’all seem to think (it plays into the Strong Black Woman trope, actually)! Say it about Caitlin more—girl kept getting trapped in mediocre (post-Ronnie) love stories until Danielle Panabaker had to put her foot down in s5 and say no. Oh, but y’all don’t wanna say “she doesn't need a man” about her? Interesting...

Also, on that note, I guarantee that if Caitlin had been the one to say “you are not the Flash, Barry. We are”, it would be incredibly beloved as a line. Even in canon with them not being an actual couple, I’m sure that line still would’ve been used as “proof” for the ship (and if Caitlin were in Iris’s place, married to Barry? No one would’ve dared question her right to say that, even the people who wrongly mock Iris for it!)

*usually if I deign to respond to comments like those, I like to remind them that Iris shot Savitar with a normal gun, and that killed him. He got erased after being shot by a normal gun. And that's after he literally melted at Iris’s touch! He wasn't gonna kill her after that 😂

choose violence ask game!

[bohemian-nights]

your attitude towards Black queer women is nasty and there's nothing stereotypical about a Black (possibly) lesbian character. on top of that, yall was on here the other day talm bout some "taking stuff from black men" but who woulda been seated for a yet another Black man chasing after a yt woman anyway and tryna use sex to control her??? franchaela are going to have a happy ending even if a little bit unconventional (we literally don't know how bridgerton's societal landscape will change by then) but what's the difference between them already living out quiet lives away from the ton and.....continuing to do that? it wouldn't be out of shame but out of what they want while it just so happens to protect them? what exactly would be different than what benophie woulda had to do??? who also had to go to the country to limit the risk of folks inquiring about sophie. it's the same thing and yet your issue seems to be that it's not a Black woman with a white man who harassed her to be his mistress and refused to see her as anything but that. i have no doubt the show will change that part of their dynamic but that seems to be something you want to stay in tact and you need to unpack that cause it's pathetic. you should want better.

They aren’t going to change shit because their MO isn’t to uplift Black women of any kind. So what you really want me to do is cheer on what will be a promiscuous Black woman chasing after or romancing a married white woman(her cousin-in-law) who will have to end up hiding out in the country for the rest of her life to escape persecution. You want me to pretend like it’s somehow the same/a better story than a Black woman being chased after, who gets the marriage, the adoring spouse, the children, doesn’t have to live in hiding or else she’ll be jailed, etc.

You don't care that they also ruined a Black man’s image too? Fine, but this isn't being done for us. We keep getting handed the “unconventional” which is why our image is always a fucking mess in the media.

If you want to play stupid play stupid, but I'm not playing dumb with you.

I’m not happy that they made Marina half-Black when they know she has to die to give Eloise a happily ever after. I’m not happy that they had Lady Danbury get raped every five seconds in Queen Charlotte and tried to play it off for laughs. Or that she remained alone with her children hating her. I wont even mention Guinevere, who is only there either to be a sexual experimentation or a side kick to the non-Blacks. Not to mention she like Lady Danbury is just another iteration of the strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man.

Alice is another side character so I'm not happy that the best we’ll get in terms of a Black-ish main character is Queen Charlotte who unlike the Bridgertons doesn't exactly have a fully functioning marriage. Lastly I’m not happy that they pulled this stunt after pulling the other fifty eleven stunts when it comes to their Blackish female characters. They do the bar minimum and give us the worst shit so no I’m not going to pretend like it’s all hunky dory.

I’m absolutely disgusted by the treatment we have received by this show. I’m tired of the disrespect. It’s one thing to add drama it’s another to add unnecessary trauma which is all they have given us.

I’m sorry, but it should tell you everything that they refuse to show a Black woman in a loving relationship with a man where shes desired and wanted. Every woman is afforded that but us? No ma’am I’m not falling for this bs.

Sophie should've been Black and this character they've created should’ve stayed in the rough drafts. No ifs ands or buts about it.

Actually read the books and pay attention to this show rather than listening to a bunch of psychotic racist ass non-Black women who are trying to sell you shit on a platter cause they don’t really give a damn since they have and will continue to get theirs.

[jtownraindancer]

The Burn Collection

Hello friends! I've been hunting down Burn Gorman's works (film, screen, and radio) over the past few months, and since sharing is caring~

Audiobooks

Arkham County- From within the walls of Arkham’s asylum, reclusive writer Randolph Carter tells the story of orphan Violet Flintock, who arrives in Arkham County in search of her own history only to be instantly greeted by the bloody realities of this small town, whose foundations are built from the lore and mythology of HP Lovecraft. Horror; mature themes. 2020. Ensemble cast. Wilbur. [complete]

Torchwood: Everyone Says Hello- Across Cardiff, ordinary people are behaving in odd ways: saying hello to complete strangers, and going out of their way to greet one another. Torchwood discovers that an alien communications field is gathering strength in the area. The team must find the device responsible and shut it off - before civil unrest engulfs the whole city. 2008. Narrator. Owen Harper. [complete]

Torchwood: Slow Decay- A friend of Gwen's has recently done an impressive bit of slimming, thanks to a new Cardiff weight-loss clinic with an incredibly simple system, and now Rhys wants to give it a try. Elsewhere in the city, an ordinary woman with superhuman strength and a extraordinary hunger is attacking people and eating her victims. 2007. Narrator. Owen Harper. [complete]

Films

Agatha Christie's Marple: Ordeal By Innocence- Old wounds are reopened for the Argyle family when a man suddenly turns up after being abroad and claims that the black sheep of the family could not have murdered its tyrannical matriarch. 2007. Ensemble cast. Antagonist. Jacko Argyle. [complete]

Cemetery Junction- In early 1970s England, three friends spend their days in banter, drinking, fighting and chasing girls. Freddie wants to escape their working class world but cheeky chappy Bruce and kind-hearted slacker Snork are happy with life the way it is. When Freddie gets a job as a door-to-door insurance salesman and bumps into his old school sweetheart Julie, the gang are forced to make choices that will change their lives forever. 2010. Ensemble cast. PC Renwick. [complete]

Color Me Kubrick- The true story of a man who posed as director Stanley Kubrick during the production of Kubrick's last film, Eyes Wide Shut (1999), despite knowing very little about his work and looking nothing like him. 2005. Period typical -isms. Ensemble cast. Willie. [complete]

Crimson Peak- An aspiring young author travels to a remote Gothic mansion in Cumberland, England with her new husband and his sister. There, she must decipher the mystery behind the ghostly visions that haunt her new home. 2015. Ensemble cast. Mr. Holly. [complete]

Dalziel and Pascoe: A Death in The Family- When a transit depot is robbed of £600,000 in used banknotes, the thieves left one thing behind: a dead security guard. The victim is revealed to be the inside man and telephone records lead to Steve Pitt, found dead in his restaurant. 2006. Ensemble cast. Jerry Hart. [complete]

Enola Holmes- Enola is the youngest sibling in the famous Holmes family. She is extremely intelligent, observant, and insightful, defying the social norms for women of the time. Her mother Eudoria has taught her everything she needs to know to be strong-willed and independent. But on her sixteenth birthday, Enola wakes to find that her mother has disappeared. 2020. Ensemble cast. Linthorn. [complete]

Fred Claus- Santa's bitter older brother, Fred, is forced to move to the North Pole to help Santa and the elves prepare for their big night in exchange for cash. But what started out as an easy way to make money soon turns into a desperate attempt to save Christmas. 2007. Cameo. Elf. [complete]

Guernica- "Listen, George. Here's your damn war story. Twenty-six April, 1937. Gernika. Don't give a damn if you use my name or you have someone else sign it. But it's the story I want printed. Ready? A very small town in the north of Spain is about to become very famous, but for all the wrong reasons." 2016. Ensemble cast. Soviet Consul. [complete]

Imperium- A young FBI agent, eager to prove himself in the field, goes undercover as a white supremacist. 2016. Mature content. Ensemble cast. Morgan. [complete]

In A Valley of Violence- A mysterious stranger and a random act of violence drag a town of misfits and nitwits into the bloody crosshairs of revenge. 2016. Ensemble cast. Priest. [complete]

Jimi: All Is By My Side- In 1966, an unknown guitarist named James Hendrix leaves New York for London, changes his name to Jimi and begins to make his mark in the world of rock music. Ensemble cast. Michael Jeffrey. [complete]

Johnny English Reborn- Johnny English is retired in Tibet and in disgrace in MI7 after a washed-up mission in Mozambique. Summoned unexpectedly by MI7 to stop assassins from killing Chinese Premier Xiang Ping. 2011. Ensemble cast. Agent Slater. [complete]

Layer Cake- A successful cocaine dealer gets two tough assignments from his boss on the eve of his planned early retirement. 2004. Ensemble cast. Gazza. [complete]

Lift- A master thief and his Interpol Agent ex-girlfriend team up to steal $500 million in gold bullion being transported on an A380 passenger flight. 2024. Ensemble cast; antagonist. Cormac. [complete]

Love is Not Enough- DV Indie filmmaker due to shoot promo for unsigned Welsh pop group takes the money and uses it to finish the film he's been working on for 5 years. 2001. Mature content. Period typical -isms. Slurs. Ensemble cast. Al Weisberger. [complete]

Pacific Rim- As a war between humankind and monstrous sea creatures wages on, a former pilot and a trainee are paired up to drive a seemingly obsolete special weapon in a desperate effort to save the world from the apocalypse. 2013. Ensemble cast. Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. [complete]

Pacific Rim Uprising- Jake Pentecost, son of Stacker Pentecost, reunites with Mako Mori to lead a new generation of Jaeger pilots against a new Kaiju threat. But this time, the threat comes from somewhere much closer to home. 2018. Ensemble cast. Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. [complete]

Penelope- Penelope Wilhern was born with the snout of a pig due to a curse that was placed on her family by a vengeful witch. The only way to break the curse is for "one of her own kind" to love her. 2006. Ensemble cast. Larry Bunter. [complete]

Ransomed- A young diplomat is assigned the task of carrying the ransom money to rescue an abducted diplomat in Lebanon, and a local taxi driver accidently gets involved in the mission. 2023. Ensemble cast. Richard Carter. [complete]

Red Lights- Psychologist Margaret Matheson and her assistant study paranormal activity, which leads them to investigate a world-renowned psychic who has resurfaced years after his toughest critic mysteriously passed away. 2012. Ensemble cast. Benedict Cohen. [complete]

Sex, The City and Me- Jess, a high-flying banker, is sidelined in her job by her Machiavellian boss when she returns to work after having a baby. She decides to sue the bank and ends up risking everything, including her marriage. The drama is inspired by in-depth interviews with women who have fought major cases in the City. 2007. Ensemble cast. Lawrence. [complete]

The Curse of Steptoe- Aspiring stage actor Harry H. Corbett jumps at the chance to star in a television comedy show 'Steptoe and Son'. The show's success proves to be a poisoned chalice, thwarting his stage ambitions. Wilfrid Brambell, the actor playing his father, is a gay man in an England where homosexuality is still illegal. Both, in their own way, feel that they have invoked the curse of Steptoe. Ray Galton. [complete]

The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: In Divine Proportion- While investigating the murder of an interior decorator, Inspector Lynley and Sergeant Havers quickly learn there is a connection between the victim's murder, and the death of her sister 15 years earlier. Mature themes; references to rape & suicide. 2005. Ensemble cast. Billy Verger. [complete]

The Oxford Murders- At Oxford University, a professor and a grad student work together to try to stop a potential series of murders seemingly linked by mathematical symbols. 2008. Ensemble cast. Yuri Podorov. [complete]

Undergods- A dystopian anthology set in a post-apocalyptic landscape. The breakout film of director Chino Moya, "Undergods" offers a prophetic warning that we will be the instruments of our own undoing if we refuse to address rising authoritarianism alongside growing inequality and scarcity of resources. 2020. Ensemble cast. Tim. [complete]

Up There- Martin (deceased) is stuck in a dead-end job, welcoming the newly departed into the afterlife. All he dreams of is going 'Up There'. But his plans are thrown into disarray when he has to team up with the relentlessly chirpy Rash, and together they lose a new arrival. 2011. Ensemble cast; protagonist. Martin. [complete]

Walking With The Enemy- A young man, separated from his family in World War II, disguises himself as a Nazi S.S. Officer and uncovers more than just his family whereabouts. 2013. Ensemble cast. Lt. Colonel Otto Skorzeny. [complete]

Watcher- As a serial killer stalks the city, Julia -- a young actress who just moved to town with her boyfriend -- notices a mysterious stranger watching her from across the street. 2022. Ensemble cast; antagonist. Watcher; Weber. [complete]

Guest Appearances

A Lark Rise in Candleford: Season 4, Episode 3- Thomas is euphoric when he lands the job of organising the church bazaar. But his joy soon evaporates when the vicar falls ill, and the controversial and free-thinking curate Reverend Marley takes charge. Thomas is convinced that Marley is evil incarnate, and when he comes across a snake on his postal rounds, he sees it as a sign that the devil is indeed amongst them. 2011. Ensemble cast; guest star. Reverend Benedict Marley. [complete]

Casualty: Not Waving But Drowning- Penny's medical skills are tested to the limit during a diving expedition, and Holly is mystified at the collapse of a promising teenage dancer. 1999. Ensemble cast; guest star. Geoff Simpson. [complete]

Coronation Street- 1998. Ensemble cast; guest star. Ben Andrews. [coming soon!]

Forever- Dr. Henry Morgan is a New York City medical examiner who studies the dead for criminal cases, and to solve the mystery of his own immortality. 2014. Ensemble cast; guest star. Lewis Farber/Adam. (Appears only in episodes 11, 14, 18, 21 & 22, but all episodes are here!) [complete]

Game of Thrones- Nine noble families fight for control over the lands of Westeros, while an ancient enemy returns after being dormant for millennia. 2011. Ensemble cast; guest star. Karl Tanner. (only featuring Burn's four appearances) [complete]

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Flowers For Charlie- Charlie being used as a test subject for a new intelligence pill that makes him smarter and more aware of his messed-up life, causing him to quit his janitor job. Meanwhile, Dee, Dennis, and Mac try to do Charlie's work but get sidetracked and high on gasoline; and Frank tries to bring Charlie back to his dimwitted self. 2013. Ensemble cast; guest star. The Scientist/Science Bitch. [complete]

Lucky Man- From the mind of comic book legend Stan Lee comes a bold new action crime series about a brilliant but flawed police officer with the power to control luck. 2016. Ensemble cast; guest appearance. Doug. (Featuring only the three episodes in which he starred.) [complete]

Merseybeat: Coming of Age- Sgt. Gentle decides it's time for a change and decides to go out on the beat with PC Traynor, and the pair investigate a burglary at the home of an antiques dealer. Meanwhile, Ch. Insp. Oulton tries to help out an old friend who has found himself on the wrong side of the law. 2001. Ensemble cast; guest appearance. Sean Finnigan. [complete]

The Man in The High Castle- In a dystopian America dominated by Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, a young woman discovers a mysterious film that may hold the key to toppling the totalitarian regimes. 2015. The Marshal. (Featuring only the two episodes in which he starred.) [complete]

Miniseries

And Then There Were None- Ten strangers are invited to Soldier Island, an isolated rock near the Devon coast in southern England. Cut off from the mainland, with their generous hosts mysteriously absent, they are each accused of a terrible crime. As members of the party start to die one by one, the survivors realize that one of them is a killer and start to turn on each other. Mature themes. 2015. Ensemble cast. Sergeant Detective William "Bill" Blore. [complete]

Bleak House- Jarndyce and Jarndyce is an interminable law case in the Court of Chancery, concerning two or more wills and their beneficiaries. Eventually, after several decades, a verdict is finally reached, but not without a surprising number of twists along the way. 2005. Ensemble cast. William Guppy. (Video formatting issues in a couple episodes- i.e. fuzzy and/or black borders on sides in several sections. Full picture still visible, just with weird borders.) [complete]

Cheat- What starts out as what appears to be an open-and-shut case of academic dishonesty, soon spirals out of everyone’s control, proving there’s far more to the story than just a plagiarised essay. What lies behind the shocking events and tragedies that unfurl? Mature themes. 2019. Ensemble cast. Ben Jarvis. [complete]

Spies of Warsaw- A military attaché at the French embassy is drawn into a world of abduction, betrayal and intrigue in the diplomatic salons and back alleys of Warsaw. 2013. Ensemble cast. Jourdain. [complete {with Portuguese subtitles}]

The Hour- 2011. Ensemble cast. Thomas Kish. [coming soon!]

The Offer- A series based on Oscar-winning producer Albert S. Ruddy's extraordinary, never-revealed experiences of making "The Godfather." 2022. Ensemble cast. Charles Bluhdorn. [complete]

The Runaway- Cathy Connor and Eamonn Docherty are childhood sweethearts who are desperate to escape their East End roots. When Cathy murders her Mum's pimp in self-defense it changes their lives forever. Mature themes. 2011. Ensemble cast. Richard Gates. [complete]

Wuthering Heights- Based on the classic novel by Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights is a story of love, obsession, hate and revenge. The protagonists, Cathy and Heathcliff, form a love that is dark and destructive and affects the lives of everyone around them. 2009. Ensemble cast. Hindley Earnshaw. [complete]

Podcasts & Radio Dramas

Curl Up & D.I.- Gemma and Andy are two feckless coppers patrolling the mean streets of Slatby, a faded North Yorkshire seaside town with an unsolved murder problem. With conventional leads exhausted, local hairstylists, gossipmongers and armchair crime-solvers Yacky and Reuben are enlisted, and their salon unwittingly becomes the beating heart of all ongoing detective operations. Welcome to the murky hinterlands of soft perms and slaughter. Mature content. 2022. Chief Steve "Wendy" Concern. [complete]

Doctor Who: Timelord Victorious: Echoes of Extinction- Trapped, a haunted monster waits to consume new victims. It needs help. It needs a doctor. Unfortunately, it also needs to kill whoever it meets. Thrust into immediate danger, and on the back-foot, it will take all of the Doctor’s ingenuity to triumph. Two interlinked adventures. Two Doctors. One foe. 2021. Ensemble cast. The Network. [complete]

Glad To Be Back- Opera-loving Lezzo is on home leave for the weekend. His prison term is due to end in four weeks' time, and he is looking for a little innocent enjoyment. His friends have other plans in mind however, and his mother has some worrying news. 1999. Ensemble cast. Norman; Various. [complete]

He Died With His Eyes Open- A detective in 1980s London investigates a brutal murder, but has little to go on except for the victim's cassette diaries. 2013. Ensemble cast; narrator. The Detective. [complete]

King Trash- Mike Hodges adapts King Lear in a gritty retelling following KT, an 80-year-old criminal despot who owns a landfill site in the outskirts of London, and his daughter Honey, who is anything but sweet. Mature themes. 2007. Ensemble cast. Clint. [complete]

The Babington Plot- During the reign of Elizabeth I, a group of Catholic gentlemen conceived a plan to assassinate the Queen. The story of the failed conspiracy, told in documentary fashion on its one-year anniversary, is revealed via the different perspectives of several participants in the events. 2008. Ensemble cast. Robert Poley. [complete]

The Battersea Poltergeist- A paranormal cold case, re-investigated through a thrilling blend of drama and documentary. The true story of one of Britain's strangest hauntings. 2021. Ensemble cast. Wally Hitchings. (includes original adverts.) [complete]

The Mayor of Casterbridge- Michael Henchard spends his life trying to atone for the terrible action that led to the loss of his wife and child. But his past refuses to be buried, no matter how hard he tries to conceal it. Dark themes. 2008. Ensemble cast. Abel Whittle. [complete]

The Reckoning: The Death of Christopher Marlowe- In London, 1593, playwright Christopher Marlowe, a young writer, is stabbed in a disagreement over the bill, and the authorities find that Marlowe was killed in self-defence. History says it was just a drunken quarrel, nothing more. But Charles Nicholl thinks it was murder, and an unsolved murder never grows old. 2022. Ensemble cast. Robert Poley. [complete]

The Spy- Henry Wharton, a young British soldier, sneaks into No-Man's Land in civilian clothing in order to visit the family he hasn't seen in over a year. But the happy reunion is cut short when he is captured by American soldiers and must stand trial as a spy. 2012. Ensemble cast. Harvey Birch. [complete]

The Taming of The Shrew- Petruchio, after collecting money from both her younger sister's suitors and a dowry from her father, is ready to marry Katherine, even against her will. Have Katherine and Petruchio learned to love each other? Or is the marriage based on terror and deception? 1998. Ensemble cast. Grumio. [complete]

The War Master: Escape From Reality: The Adventure of The Deceased Doctor- When Dr John Watson is informed of his own murder, only the world’s greatest consulting detective can assist. He just happens to come from a different world. 2022. Ensemble cast. Lestrade/Moriarty. [complete] (included the other three parts of Escape From Reality saga; will have Parts 1-4 indicated in titles)

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz- When a tornado strikes her farmhouse in Kansas, young Dorothy is lifted to the magical world of Oz where she embarks upon a perilous journey to find her way back home. 2009. Ensemble cast. Tin Man. [complete]

Unauthorised History: The Killing- Four men have rented an upstairs room in a tavern to have a "meeting". Sometime later, a violent commotion is heard, and only three of the four men come out alive. The coroner rules that Christopher Marlowe, contemporary of William Shakespeare, was killed in self-defense. One man is not so certain, and he's determined to uncover the truth, no matter where the trail leads. 2010. Ensemble cast. Robert Poley. [complete]

Television Series

Halo- Aliens threaten human existence in an epic 26th-century showdown. 2022. Ensemble cast; antagonist. Vishner Grath. [complete]

Jamestown- 1619. Alice, Verity, and Jocelyn are among several women arrived from England, duty-bound to marry the men who have paid for their passage to Jamestown. Also arriving from England are Governor Yeardley and his wife Temperance, who will quickly discover the difficulties in both running the settlement and preventing a Company Secretary from undermining his position. 2017-19. Ensemble cast. Virginia Company Secretary Nicholas Farlow. [complete]

Torchwood- The members of the Torchwood Institute, a secret organization founded by the British Crown, fight to protect the Earth from extraterrestrial and supernatural threats. 2006. Ensemble cast. Dr. Owen Harper. [in progress- Seasons 1 & 2 posted!]

TURN: Washington's Spies- Long Island farmer Abe Woodhull bands together with a group of childhood friends to form an unlikely group of spies, The Culper Ring, who turn the tide in America's fight for independence. 2014-18. Ensemble cast. Major Edmund Hewlett. [complete]

Torchwood Audios

Corpse Day- PC Andy Davidson is very excited. It’s Corpse Day – the day when the local constabulary get help on dead cases from Torchwood. This year, he’s volunteered to act as liaison, and he knows he’s going to have a brilliant time. For Dr. Owen Harper, today’s just like any other. There’ll be bloodshed, screaming and murder. At the end of it all, he doesn’t care. After all, life’s just for the living, and he’s long dead. 2017. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Gooseberry- Andy has a girlfriend. She's called Caite, and she's utterly lovely. And then she meets Owen. Owen finds out that Caite has a secret. One that he's desperate to understand. But the more he discovers, the more dangerously close to Caite he becomes. What's going to happen when Andy finds out? 2021. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Iceberg- Dr. Owen Harper gets a call from an old friend in the middle of the night. She's got a ward full of coma patients, all of them checking in with a dead relative as their imaginary friend. Is it mere coincidence, or have they discovered a bridge between the living and the dead? 2020. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Lease of Life- 3 bed, 1 bath, shared house in a vibrant area with easy access to Cardiff city centre. Has a real lived-in feel. Note to interested parties: There is a small spreading mould issue, and an investigation is being undertaken on site. Those worried are advised to contact the Council's Mould Expert, Dr. Owen Harper. 2021. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

The Hope- Megwyn Jones is one of the most hated women in Britain. She used to run a home for troubled children in an isolated part of Snowdonia called The Hope. For a long time there were rumours about what was happening there, and then one day it was realised that the children had gone missing. The years have been long and hard, but now Megwyn’s dying, and she’s agreed to go back to The Hope, to reveal the horrible secret she’s kept all these years. 2019. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

The Last Beacon- A signal in a Welsh mountain is calling an ancient battlefleet to Earth. Owen Harper and Ianto Jones head up into the Brecons to stop it. The problem is - Ianto really loves camping. Owen? Owen does not. 2018. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

The Three Monkeys- Andy Davidson's been ordered to watch over a local businessman, and he's suprised when Owen decides to tag along on the stakeout. Andy knows it can't just be coincidence- Owen knows something- the businessman's attracted Torchwood’s attention. Tonight, the two of them are going to take him down. But will luck be on their side? 2020. Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

Torchwood Special: Believe- The Church of the Outsiders believe that mankind is about to evolve, to reach out into the stars. Owen Harper believes that Torchwood has to do whatever it takes to stop them. Mature content. 2018. Main cast! Ensemble cast. Owen Harper. [complete]

*This post will be updated as I find more content. **Quality may not always be the best due to age and/or limited availability. Will do my best to clean audio/video up, and will hopefully be able to find better quality replacements in time.

[fashion-foxy]

Heyyyyy so you know how in modern Disney channel movies (Im specifically talking about the Zombies and Descendants franchises as those are movies ive seen but I do think some of these traits are in other disney channel movies like Highschool Musical) the bad guys are always loud flamboyant theater kids? And how the good guys are always good morally upstanding people who have either were raised in the American Dream(tm) (nuclear family, upper middle class, perfect grades everything's going great) or live in a poorer situation but are still good people who will eventually get the picture perfect American Dream(tm)?

Yeahhh I hate to say it but that's kinda based off the formula of classic (when i say classic i mean Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty. Not Renaissance era) Disney Princess movies where you have the same villain and hero formula.

Now, why am I treating any of this as a bad thing? Well, that was probably based on how villains were deliberately given queer traits to seem more villainous. You see, back in when Snow White and other classics were being worked on there were codes in place to ban queerness from being shown on film because queer people are the devil and they're gonna corrupt you and your kids if you don't watch out! Or some other stupid homophobic shit like that. So, it being the 30s, naturally, people aren't too keen on the concept of gay people. So, what's an easy way to get people to immediately let your audience know just from looking at them that your villains are evil? Give them stereotypical queer traits, of course!

And it's the exact opposite with Disney heroes! Have princesses be traditionally feminine whatever that time periods version of being a 'good woman' is. Could range from being good at cleaning and never going against authority, and even if she eventually does, make it be in the nicest way possible. Or, have her be a strong and independent woman who doesn't need a man. But, you usually focus on the woman because she's the driving force who goes through all the terrible things, and the men shouldn't be all too present because she either doesn't need a knight in shining armour or he's only there to provide the American Dream Happily Ever After.

Another thing we see in classic is the movie must always return the status quo. We can change some things about the poor area but not change it too much. I.e. we can get rid of the border but not actually do anything to combat classism or help the poor people not be poor. If the our main character is rich they stay in on their side of the border in their rich area. If the main character is poor they get to be honorary rich person but they'll have a plot line where they're not like the other girls and are having a really hard time being rich. This will conclude with them saying something about how, "They're not rich they'll poor at heart!" Which means they'll gonna be rich and wear black and be a bit quirky.

So, in classic movies the heros have a very conservative/heteronormative view of the world and way of life. While the villians possess queer traits and our the ones trying to make any changes to the system. But the thing is, NOTHING has actually changed in these modern Disney channel movies! They still use the same formula! The only difference now is that they get to queer bait audiences now!

Here are some great videos about how the formula of Disney characters has changed over the years. If you want to hear more on this subject:

https://youtu.be/OkadXlv_eA0?si=Z_avjkQKIpxGRyvf

https://youtu.be/HYh4e9u5HuE?si=4eFwcBd-iI-PTq03

Sidenote:

This is also why I love eah so much. Literally subverts the very idea of Disney style fairytales in a brilliant way. I'll never get over the fact that it lost to descendants.

[justapersonfloatingonarock]

Alex Claremont-Diaz's pov of the election results

Disappointed is a wild understatement for Alex Claremont-Diaz’s feelings right now. It’s 2024 and Trump was just elected the next president. As soon as that last state filled in red to win Donald Trump 270 electoral votes and the presidency, Alex burst out crying. He feared for his country, all the women he knew, and members of the LGBTQ+ group including himself and his now fiance Henry. That sadness and those tears quickly turned to red-hot anger. Why should Trump get to be the leader of this country? What makes him in any way qualified? Not only is he not intellectually smart or have a plan but he actually wants to tear down this country. He is a homophobic, racist, sexist, and convicted felon. Alex belongs to 2 of the groups he is going after and has publicly proclaimed he does not support or have their best interests at heart. As a Congressman Alex did all he could; he campaigned and openly endorsed Kamala Harris in her efforts to be elected. Even though she did not win, she took it with grace. Alex wants to scream. Wants to run away to England with Henry and take all the people who voted blue with him. He is not giving up this fight because he must protect himself and his country, which he loves dearly but is currently extremely disappointed in. A speech must be made.

November 6th, 2024 Alex Claremont- Diaz addresses the 2024 election results

Hello everyone. Thank you for coming. Today I am sure many of you woke up to the devastating news that our next president will not be a strong, independent black woman who is fighting for the rights of the people, but instead a man full of hate and messed up beliefs for the country. I am not here to talk about Trump though. I am here to talk about you. You have the choice to give in to his power. To give up the fight. That is not what I will be doing. For the next 4 years, I will be doing my best in Congress to fight for what is right, for the American people's rights to be who they are, love who they want, and control their own bodies. So now, with a heavy pleading heart, I ask you to do the same because as Kamala said, "We fight, we win". Yes the fight may take longer after today's setback, but we must keep up hope that the world will keep spinning and that the beliefs of the American people shine through again. Thank you.

Alex exits the stage to a roaring crowd. Of course, he knows there will be backlash on the internet. When is there not? But right now he feels good about his speech and Henry is waiting backstage and pulls him into a proud kiss that loosens the tension in his shoulders. We fight we win he thinks to himself again.

Notes: Hi! So these were my feelings about the election but I edited it to be through Alex's eyes because I am sure he would support Kamala and be in Congress supporting her. I was very disappointed and wanted to do something with my anger so here it is. Please do not comment if you are a Trump supporter, just move along. I am deeply saddened today and don't need any more hate. I hope you like this and I will write more fan fic's in the future just about Henry and Alex and other characters and fandoms. Enjoy!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: july 2023

I don't have a cool and witty opening for this one. I read a fuck of a lot of books this month and I want to tell you about them LET'S GO

Black Water Sister (Zen Cho, 2021) - Black Water Sister has a very fun premise: a closeted lesbian and unemployed recent graduate moves back to Malaysia with her parents and is already having a bad enough time when she starts hearing the voice of her dead grandmother, who turns out to have been deeply involved in supernatural organized crime. our hapless protagonist becomes a medium against her will, and has to navigate to world of Malaysian spirits and superstition to lay her grandma to rest. unfortunately the actual style of the story wasn't more me; although definitely adult fiction, the prose is breezy in a way I affiliate strongly with YA, which is not to my personal taste but is still so hashtag valid. if you're one of the countless people trying to make that jump from YA to adult fiction and you like queer urban fantasy then Black Water Sister might be a great fit for you, although I should provide a warning for a pretty surprisingly graphic near-rape in the book's climax that really took me by surprise in a story that's otherwise pretty zany in its violence.

The Bride Test (Helen Hoang, 2019) - I think I said last month that Alexis Hall's A Lady for a Duke was the best so far of the romance-novel-every-month scheme I'm trying to pull off this year. the Bride Test has pretty swiftly displaced it; have I finally discovered the really good romance novels? (worry not; I know what I'm reading for August and my hopes are. low.) our two protagonists, Mỹ/Esme (her chosen American/English name) and Khai, are both genuinely charming and are pretty strong characters independent of each other, which cannot be said for A Lot of romance protags. despite the absolute insanity of how they met (yes, Khai's mother went to Vietnam and offered, uneducated a poor single mother a tourist visa in exchange for trying to seduce her autistic son. yes, that's shady. don't think about it too hard) and Esme waiting until WAY too late in the game to reveal the existence of HER LIVING HUMAN CHILD, I liked this book a lot. it's silly and heartfelt and I had fun; what else do you need? 5/5 eggplant emojis.

Giovanni's Room (James Baldwin, 1956) - there's probably nothing I can say about Giovanni's Room that I could say that someone smarter and gayer hasn't already said, but god. it really is breathtaking. I so often see this book talked about as a gay tragedy, and honestly that feels like almost too glib of a description. it's a really meticulous dissection of white male masculinity and the claustrophobic constraints there of, and our narrator's claustrophobic fear of divesting himself from the power that he's entitled to by virtue of being a white American man perceived as a heterosexual. this man would rather live in repressed misery for his entire life than risk being like those effeminate faggots at the gay club, but spoiler alert! being miserable doesn't make you better than your fellow fags; it just means you're miserable AND a fag. sharp and painful and so so so smart. also I'm going to summon @zaricats because I was supposed to tell you what I thought about this book. oops!

Lone Women (Victor LaValle, 2023) - okay so listen. did I just say Black Water Sister wasn't really for me because of the simplistic prose? yes. did I really enjoy the very sparse, straightforward style of Lone Women? also yes. leave me alone, I contain contradictions. anyway, Lone Women is a ripping piece of historical fiction spliced with supernatural secrets, based on LaValle's research into 19th century Black women homesteaders who made their lives in Montana. LaValle opens on a scene of irresistible intrigue - Adelaide Henry, lone woman, sets out for Montana with a mysteriously heavy trunk after burning down her family's California farm with her parents' mutilated corpses inside. and boy, does it escalate from there! it's a story about isolation and community and the people who are failed by so-called close knit small towns, and the ways in which vulnerable people band together to protect one another. it also makes the compelling point that maybe, just maybe, the real monsters were your local transphobe and her husband's lynch mob all along.

Black Disability Politics (Sami Schalk, 2022) - what a cool book! Schalk's argument begins with the idea that Black disability politics are distinct from predominantly white mainstream disability politics, and are therefore often overlooked in conversation, activism, and academia. Schalk analyzes the historical work of the Black Panthers and the National Black Women's Health Project to showcase what she describes as Black disability politics in action. in Schalk's conception, Black disability politics take a much more holistic approach to disability, conceptualizing as just one form (and, frequently, as a result of) of oppression tangled up with a myriad of others that cannot be meaningfully addressed when they're treated as separate issues. the book concludes in interviews with contemporary Black disability activists and organizers that shed light on ways in which the wider movement is often unwelcoming to folks of color, and an exhortation from Schalk for readers to continue the conversation well beyond the confines of the book. in a killer show of praxis, the entire book has been made available to read in PDF form, and I strongly recommend giving it a look!

The River of Silver (S.A. Chakraborty, 2022) - mentally I am kicking myself a little for waiting so long to read this continuation of my beloved Daevabad trilogy, because it did take me a minute to get back into the swing and mythology of the world and that did make me feel unpleasantly like I wasn't appreciating these character-focused short stories as much as I could be. but even having said that - man! fuck I love the world of Daevabad, and I adore these characters so much. getting to see them again, even briefly, was a delight, and I am once again congratulating Nahri and Ali on being the invention of heterosexual romance. (also, on a related note, but I ADORE the way Chakraborty writes her characters having crushes. they crush SO hard and it's very sweet. these books are such big drama all the way down.)

Men We Reaped (Jesmyn Ward, 2013) - an absolute powerhouse of a memoir, and devastating the whole way down. in Men We Reaped Ward attempts to make sense of a series of tragedies that befell her community when five young Black men - beginning with Ward's younger brother - died between 2000 and 2004. the word 'unflinching' is hopelessly played out, but it's difficult to figure out how to describe the head-on way Ward explores each young man's life and ultimate end and her own upbringing. the men in Ward's history - her brother, the friends she lost, her father and other male relatives - are never idealized; their demons, miseries, infidelities, addictions, and violence are placed on full display. but Ward is also insistent on displaying these men with dignity, compassion, empathy; showing them at their best and, most importantly, as men who were loved and deserved better than the violence that poverty and racism wrought on them. it's a furious memoir, one that will leave you mourning too.

Nimona (ND Stevenson, 2015) - did I only read this so I can make more informed complaints if/when I end up watching the netflix movie with my wife? YES. but listen, it wasn't JUST petty hater behavior. Nimona is just really good, and I think I got a lot more out of it this time around that I did when I first read it years ago. this comic is wild and unfettered and so spectacularly weird; I wish more things felt the way Nimona does. I also with more things starred small girls begging to kill cops and stage a violent overthrow of the government, that rules hard. also man I love Ballister, he's SUCH a good protagonist. he's curmudgeonly, he's deeply principled, he's held a grudge for years, he's paternal, he's even gay. what a guy!

[forgodsgoddamnsake]

HELL'S ANGELS - 1st

Hello, girlies!

I have a new fanfiction which is this one obviously. Let me tell you that I'm falling in love with strong women. I have this urge to write about strong women, not lovey-dovey girls. I think that we need to focus on ourselves more, women should be the heroines of their stories. That is why I like girls in my stories to be strong and be the main character. This doesn't mean that Harry in this case is not considered a main character or a hero, but I feel like we all need to appreciate being loved with our strengths, weakness and everything.

Please note that it's called fiction for a reason, I AM IN LOVE WITH ITALIAN culture whatever it is. The whereabouts of this story won't be mentioned at all and you'll know why. Though this story contains italian names and language, it's not in Italy. It's not in america, it's not anywhere. Just expand your imagination;)

Warning: THE WHOLE STORY will include either smut, guns, language, mentions of rape, mentions of prostitution, drugs, murder, and so much more.

Don't forget to give me your comments, it keeps me going.

--

Like most girls? No, I am not.

I am the daughter of one of the most powerful men in the whole world. The one and only child of Paolo Cappitani, the older son of Donatello Cappitani, the mafia king. Paolo Cappitani doesn’t have children other than me, Y/N Cappitani, and he didn’t raise me like most fathers raise their daughters in out community. Most girls were beautiful things that get married and have kids just to tighten the strings among the powerful families, but not me. I was raised to be tough enough to take a full-grown man down with my bare hands. I’m so involved in my family business and that makes me the second powerful member of the Cappitani family. None of my family members could break Paolo's orders and that grants me the full respect of every single one of them, although some of them objected on how a girl be the second ‘Man’. Paolo Cappitani had one wife, Alessandra Cappitani, my mother, they had me before she died of complications of giving birth to me. So, I grew up without my mother and only had my father take care of me. Paolo never wanted another woman in his life, that was why he refused all the requests he received from his family to re-marry. He loved one woman only, and only one woman shall stay in his heart till he followed.

I look like my mother so much, that makes my father love me even more, because I’m his daughter from the woman he loved so much. He wanted to give me the world, not wanting to raise me like other girls just to give me off to another man. Paolo’s daughter must be a powerful, independent girl who wouldn’t need a man in her life. The way he raised me made me turn down all men that took interest in me, I don’t need them. What a man can add in my life? Nothing.

I’m experienced with guns, all kinds of knives and boxing. The exact opposite of typical lovey-dovey daughter of a mafia head.

But. But I kept my feminine appearance. Although I’m not a ray of sunshine, I am definitely a beautiful woman. My taste of clothes doesn’t match other girls, I prefer staying in the men’s gatherings other than having to sit all day with girls speaking of their dream knight in shining armor. I am my knight in the shining armor, so no need to hear about all the gossip and little talks about men and boys.

There is this day, my father is sick enough to not attend a business meeting with one of the most powerful families in the world. The Styles’ family. Since I’m the second in command, I take it upon myself to attend the meeting with my uncles and cousins. I stand in my room, giving myself the last look in the mirror. I wear short black leather skirt and a black shirt; my hair is up in a sleek bun. I keep my gun wrapped around my thigh and the silver knife in its housing under my shirt as I make my way out of my room. We are having the meeting at my family’s mansion, having dinner with the Styles before talking business. The Styles has already arrived, and my uncles give them the warmest welcomes before they sat at the long dining table.

The mansion is modern-styled, bullet-proof glass and mafia scents.

I make my way down the stairs, making sure I don't trip in the high heel boots. Bianca, my cousin, walks to me, excited. Bianca is a beautiful girl, raised in the traditional way, has long hair just like mine and hazel eyes. Hazel eyes are the signature gene in the Cappitani family, I have these as well.

“Y/N, the Styles are here! You should see Edward’s son, he’s so cute!” She said in her excited tone, holding a bowl of salad in her hand. I give her a small smile, looking at the bowl she’s holding. If I wasn’t the only daughter of Paolo, I could had been in her position. But I'm not in her position, Bianca has a bowl of salad in her hand, while I have a gun under my skirt and a knife under my shirt.

“I’m sure he’ll be interested meeting my beautiful cousin.” I wink at her before walking towards the dining room.

The dining room is spacious, has bullet-proof panoramic windows, a few portraits hanging on the wall. The most significant portrait is the one that had my father’s face on it, sitting on his armchair in a black expensive suit. A crystal chandelier hanging from the high ceiling; black chairs surrounding the glass dining table.

I go in the dining room, my boots clicking on the floor. The seat of my father is empty, so then, it is mine to claim. I take a seat at the head of the table, men on their chairs. The only faces that are familiar are my family's, all of them have hazel eyes, but the green ones are the Styles’. Edward Styles sits next to my uncle, and next to Edward is a handsome man, must be his son, Harry Styles. I don't give a smile, but I nod my head in respect.

“It’s an honor to finally meet the Styles family and at our home.” I welcome in a professional tone.

“Thank you, young lady, I’m not quite familiar with you, yet.” Edward Styles nods back.

“This is-“ My uncle, Antonio Cappitani, tried to answer, but I interrupt him.

“I’m Y/N Cappitani, the only child of Paolo Cappitani. He sends his apologies that he can’t attend our little dinner due to his illness.” I answer without giving even a hint of a smile.

“May god heal him.” Edward says, inspecting my attitude. “I’ve heard so much about you, Ms. Cappitani. Your father must be so proud to raise such a beautiful girl like you.”

“Thank you, sir, but I’m not a girl. I’m the woman of the Cappitani family.” I correct him as the girls of my family bring the food to the table.

“You sound so arrogant.” Harry comments. It is the first time I hear his voice. His voice is deep just like his father’s, but that shall not be something to intimidate me. I can intimidate a whole country; a pair of green eyes and a deep voice cannot intimidate me. The girls have left us alone to eat.

“I am, thank you.” I give a half smirk.

“Let’s eat, please.” My cousin, Leonardo, says.

I start eating in silence, everybody is making small chats during eating. Cousins are chatting with Harry and his cousins, my uncles chatting with Edward and his brother. I prefer to stay silent.

Silence means so much to me. I don't speak too much because I want my words, whenever they come out, to matter. People can only appreciate the words of a person that doesn't talk much.

Harry’s eyes look at me from time to time, he isn't used to seeing girls in meetings, but he has heard so much about me already to know I am different from other girls.

The first time he heard about me was when the rumor had it that I killed a traitor when I was only seventeen. Killing is a big deal, and when it comes to women, it was a major deal. But he never imagined the girl that everybody talked about in the mafia business could be this beautiful with long hair and captivating hazel eyes.

I don't smile much or give expressions. He notices that, but he doesn't know that I am raised to not give too many expressions. Expressions can be easily read, and a readable person can never rule, and since I was raised to rule, my expressions are little.

“Tell me, young lady, how are things going on in your life? Found a husband yet?” Edward asks me. I raise my eyes from my plate to look him in the eyes, not giving an expression as usual though I am startled by the question. I swallow the food in my mouth, “No, sir, I’m not planning on finding a husband.”

“That must be a shame, a beautiful woman like you can easily get herself a husband.” Edward says and my uncles nod in agreement. I swipe my eyes at my uncles, glaring at them with my expressionless eyes.

“I can easily find myself anything I want, Mr. Styles. A husband is the least of my worries. There are better things to look forward to.” I raise my chin up as I finish my sentence.

Harry’s eyes are on me, he likes the arrogant attitude of mine though he hates admitting that to himself. The way I am dressed, the look in my eyes, my soft expressionless face and the smile I never give are all different from what he's used to see whether among the families or girls in the outside world.

“And what are those things?” Edward asks with an arched eyebrow.

“Keeping my family’s name up, making more money, and last but not least, making my father proud of his only daughter.”

Edward likes my answer, and he likes me even though he is provoking me to get answers.

“Since we all have finished our plates, would you like to join in the study?” I politely ask them, and they nod. I am the first to stand up and walk out of the dining room to the study. That is another thing I was taught, the first to stand up is the boss.

The study has warm colors, beautified with plants and portraits. The desk of my father is gigantic and his chair that stands behind the desk is long enough to give superiority to whoever takes a seat. I make my way to my father’s chair, take a seat and behind me are the men. To say the least, my family hates whenever I am in control, but the power of my father’s word and the way I rule things have them muffle their nasty words.

There are enough seats for all members of all families, and they all take their seats, chatting and waiting for the drinks. I pull out my pack of cigarettes and pull one to place between my lips that are covered in red lipstick, I light the tip of the cigarette and watch everyone’s faces.

I grew the habit of smoking when I became nineteen years old, my father doesn't like seeing me smoke so I don't smoke in front of him, but the rest of the family cannot disagree. I was raised to have a man’s brains in the body of a golden girl so that was no surprise for them.

Most of the men also start smoking, and I can only picture the power I have at that moment. With bookshelves like a library behind my chair, portraits of the most-known painters in the world hung on the walls, my cigarette and my attitude.

Girls of my family bring drinks, wine and tea. One hell of a mixture. Some of the girls giggle a little, looking at the young men, especially Harry. I just roll my eyes at their attitude and order them to step outside.

“So, tell me Mr. Styles, how can the Cappitani tighten their strengths as you previously mentioned to my father?” I hold my glass of wine in the same hand that has the cigarette, pulling the glass up to my mouth.

Edward clears his throat, knowing very well that he shall not discuss that topic with me. “Ms. Cappitani, you must know that our families have the upper hands in this country. We need to know that there will be no conflict of interest going on between the Styles and the Cappitani.”

“Of course, tightening both families will give us unlimited opportunities in the business.” my uncle, Antonio, says.

“Right, we need to know that anything between our families will be discussed with anything but blood.” my other uncle Lorenzo, agrees.

I can smell an arranged marriage from a mile away, their eyes must have been on one of the girls in the home of the Cappitani.

“Tell me, what do you have in mind, Mr. Styles?” I ask, chin up.

He smiles, “As you know, young lady, all’s fair in love and war.” I nod at his words, encouraging him to continue.

“We don’t want war, we want the love. That’s why we would like to ask for your hand.”

Surprise? Absolutely. But they can't know that, so I keep my face as it was before he gave me his request. I raise my glass to my lips again, take a sip and place it on the desk. My cousin, Leonardo, says, “We would be hon-“ I interrupt him with the knife I pull out of my shirt and let its sharp tip hit the hard wood of my father’s desk.

“Leo, think twice before you speak.” I glare at him. I look at Edward again, “Mr. Styles, as I said, I’m not looking for a husband. We have the most beautiful girls you could see, any of them would be honored to marry one of the Styles.”

“You wouldn’t?” Edward narrows his eyes a little.

“Of course, I would, but I have different goals in life, and since your request’s base is to tighten the relationship between our families, then any girl will be happy to be the one.”

“But we want you.”

The man is intent, I give him that, but just when I am about to refuse politely once again. The door of the study has opened to show my father’s face, Paolo Cappitani. He looks sick, his face is pale, and he can barely hold himself on his feet. I stand up from my chair as all of my family members do, I walk to him to help him take his seat that I had a moment ago. He sits down and I stand next to him.

“How are you, Edward? I haven’t seen you since your mustache.” My father points at his mustache, referring to the mustache Edward has, my father laughs as everyone else.

“I’m very good, Paolo. I hope you feel better soon.” Edward is extra polite with Paolo. My father is much older than Edward so that makes sense.

“Thank you, my friend. I heard you were asking for my daughter’s hand.” Paolo’s voice is hoarse, he is very sick, but he has to have this discussion by himself, because he knows I'll start war if he isn't there.

“Yes, Paolo, Ms. Cappitani is a nice lady.”

“I think you heard her saying that we have many girls, why her?” Straight to the point, score, Paolo.

“Our family needs a powerful female figure, I-I have cancer, Paolo. I’m not going to stay on this earth for too long, so that’s why we need two powerful personalities to rule my family.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t, I made peace with my cancer. The serious problem here is that my family will face serious trouble if only one-person rule after me, because of the issue you know about.”

“Yes, yes, I know. Go on.”

“I’ve heard so much about Ms. Cappitani. You raised a really powerful, beautiful woman, and a woman like her will be a huge addition to my family.”

“But, Edward, you must know that my girl puts her family first. She’ll like to only serve to her family’s side.”

“I know, but we will be one family by marriage. I just need her to pull my family together along with my son.”

“Oh, so you must be the groom, young man.” Paolo directs his words to the green-eyed Harry sitting next to his father.

“He can’t rule his own family and needs assistance?” I scoff.

“Y/N, go get some fresh air.” My father orders without taking his eyes off of Harry.

I nod and get out of the study, feeling disrespected, but he is my father so there is nothing to do about it.

I take a walk in the garden of the mansion, putting another cigarette in between my lips.

There is no way my father is going to throw me to the Styles. I only want to rule my own family, never not even for once I thought of marriage. Not too long after, I feel a figure stand next to me, pulling his own cigarette. Without even glancing, I know that he is the green-eyed jerk.

Harry is handsome just like his father, but I couldn’t care less about his appearance at that moment.

“I don’t want to marry you, by the way.” Harry starts, exhaling the smoke.

“Do I look like I give the teeniest, tiniest fuck about what you want?” I look at him, glaring at his provoking green eyes.

“No, but this arranged marriage is the best option for our families.”

“For your family.” I correct, throwing my cigarette. “Not my problem that you’re a fragile guy that can’t rule on his own. Grow some balls, will you?”

“I could strangle you right here, right now.” He smirks, getting irritated and throwing his cigarette.

“Well, let’s see who’ll do it first?” I pull my gun as he pulls his. The tip of my gun is under his chin, his is right on my chest. We both stare into each other’s eyes, glaring.

Though his eyes are so beautiful, they only provok me more to shoot him.

“Hey, kids! Play nice.” Edward’s voice yells, walking out of the mansion and behind him his family’s men and some members of my family including my father.

“Y/N, put the gun down.” My father says, but my eyes are still on Harry.

“Harry, you too.” Edward says.

I bite my bottom lip to contain my anger while Harry glares at me one last time. We both put our guns down, I gave Harry an eye of disgust before walking away.

“Bitch.” Harry mutters to himself.

“Son of a bitch.” I mutter to myself as I walk by the men and into the mansion.

“They’re meant for each other.” Edward laughs, looking at Harry who’s walking towards them.

“I’ll give you an answer to your request as soon as possible, Edward.” Paolo assures Edward before they say their good-byes.

--

Harry is in the car with his dad, driving back home. Harry can't keep silence like Edward, so he speaks as he’s driving with his two hands, he only does that when he’s anxious. Usually, Harry would drive with one arm.

The arrogance that surrounds you like an aura, he’s not fond of, so he has to fight to not marry the girl with an attitude of a rebel man.

“Dad, I hate her! Let me marry any other girl, but not that bitch.”

“Language, Harry.”

“I’m not fifteen, dad. I HATE HER. She’s so arrogant, did you see how she spoke?”

“She was raised to rule, Harry. It’s not easy for her to act all girly like the girls you do every day!”

“I don’t need her.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Dad, please, she’s acting like the queen of the world.”

“She was raised this way for god’s sake, Harry. A girl like her will be a great partner for you. We need her, and that’s final.”

Harry huffs at his father’s words. Is fate easily broken? No, it is not. If it’s his fate to spend the rest of his life with a woman he wishes he could kill every day, his hands will be tied, and he’ll be forced to act just like the fate has decided. The bleak fate of his marriage to Y/N Cappitani, the second ‘Man’.

--

“If you’re even considering their request, father, I’ll kill myself. If he desperately wants my hand, I’ll chop it off for him.” I angrily threaten, standing in my father’s study, surrounded by my family.

“Y/n, you need to calm down.” Paolo rolls his eyes at me as I’m walking back and forth.

“I’m not calming down, why does he think I’ll just accept?”

“Back in my days, girls didn’t have a say in marriage.” My uncle, Antonio, scoffs. Uncle Antonio is a thorn in my side, he is the second born to my grandfather. I’m certain that he wishes that my father dies so he can get rid of me so he can rule, but to his misfortune I’m not going anywhere. He can rule over my dead body.

“When was that? The pharaohs era?” I sarcastically ask, crossing my arms and looking directly to him.

I am perfectly aware that this shouldn’t be my attitude, especially to my uncles, but I am unable to control my anger if somebody lays a finger on my future.

“Y/N!” My father warns before he takes a look to our family members. “Please, give me a moment alone with my daughter.”

As they do as they’re told, my uncle Antonio while walking out past me, glares into my eyes, but that shall not be a problem, I can glare, too. A boy is all it takes to avoid such conflict in the family, but my father could never betray his beloved Alessandra. Paolo Cappitani knows for sure that this is only the calm before the storm. He knows that I will start war in my own family, not because I’m so determined to rule, no. It is because this is what my father raised me to do.

When everyone is out, Paolo sighs deeply, like he’s carrying a hundred stones in his chest that he can’t get rid of. The storm is coming.

“Take a seat, y/n.” He softly asks me.

I take what he says as an order, so I do what I’m ordered and take a seat on the chair by his desk.

“Sei diventata una ragazza così bella.” Paolo says, looking into the figure of his only daughter who only took so little of how he looks, rather I took every beautiful feature of my mother. Telling me that I’ve grown to become such a beautiful girl, means a lot to me, but he only gives the first sweet talks when he wants to get me to do something I don’t want.

“Thank you, father.” I, politely, nod.

“The Styles and our family have one common enemy, as you already know,”

“Yes, the Scavo.”

“Exactly. The Styles, currently, are facing serious trouble with the Scavo, some of their family members are turning against their own family and joining the Scavo as they think Edward is about to die and that Harry is not fit to become the ruler of their family. The situation, if you noticed, is so similar to ours. When I die, some of the family will turn on you and object your ruling. This situation requires a powerful tie so you and Harry could take down the Scavo and keep the families intact.”

“But, father-“

“Let me finish, will you? Harry, also, is a tough guy and that is why you both need to get married. He is not in need for just a pretty wife to have his kids, he needs a strong woman like you to keep his family together. And when my time comes, you’ll need him, too. The next heirs of both families marrying, you are a perfect match, y/n.”

His words have this undeniable effect on me, I never thought of the situation like this. Unfortunately, he sounds so right. My uncles will turn against me once my father dies, god forbid, and the battle I had in mind will not be an equal one if it’s me against my family and the Scavo.

“Okay, father, but I have two conditions.”

--

The day has come.

I’ve never even thought that I will be engaged before Bianca, my cousin, on the contrary, I’ve thought that I’ll be the last to get engaged if not ever. Today, I’m looking into the mirror to see myself wearing a Champagne silky long dress, unlike the other girls’ dresses, my dress is not so modest. The Champagne dress was satin silk, the V-neck showing enough cleavage while my back is in full exposure in the backless dress. The spaghetti straps holding the dress up on my shoulder as my long leg is showing from the long cut in the side of the dress. I let my hair fall down on my back, put enough makeup and just a golden bracelet are enough accessories. Looking over to the girls in my room, giggling in their floral modest dresses, I can clearly see the difference between me and them. None of the girls has trained to become the heir, none of the girls is hiding a gun under her dress, but I am.

A knock on the door brings me to reality, and there I see my cousin, Elio, snoop his head through the door, winking at the girls.

Elio is more like a brother to me.

Elio is a handsome man, hazel eyes and two sets of eye-lashes like mine. Muscular guys tend to draw girls in, but he isn’t a just a muscular guy with perfect jawline, no. Elio has a heart of gold, good manners and courage of a lion. His father, my uncle, has died a long time ago and we were raised together by my father so we lived most of our lives under the same roof. I can, without a doubt, give him my back and I know that his knife will only reach my enemies.

“Aren’t you pretty all dressed up like a girl?” He says, walking into the room, holding my hand and giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. He is wearing a navy blue suit with no tie.

“I am a girl, El.” I protest, smiling at him.

“You’re the most beautiful girl, Y/N/N.” He smiles back. “Are you ready to get engaged?”

“No, I’m not, let’s kill them.”

“Nice idea, but let’s call it plan B.” He chuckles, putting my arm around his. “Let’s go?”

I nod and walk out the room with him by my side and the girls walking behind us. We take our steps slowly because the heels I have on can trip me in a blink of an eye. The walk down the stairs feels endless, maybe because I never intended to be the one getting engaged to a pair of green eyes. The mansion has been decorated gracefully, veins of flowers along the handle of the stairs, romantic light system and many figures of people that matter. An occasion like this doesn’t happen often, the heirs of two of the most power families getting engaged, that is unheard of. The smell of fine wine and champagne stuck up my nose, as well as the scents of the expensive fragrances our guests have dived in. I can see that the guests have made an effort to dress perfectly for the occasion, over-priced suits and designer dresses. None of them catches my eyes, not even the figures of my own family, I only feel Elio having me in his arm and my father who sits on one of the fancy armchairs. And the pair of the green eyes, the damned groom I’ll be married to for the rest of my life.

Harry is not bad looking, oh no, he is not. He has the eyes, the smile, the aura of an angel, but he is certainly not one. Those green eyes, to me, looked like grass after a rainy day, while his lips were pinker than a barbie dress; the features of a handsome man, that is all that can be said to describe his appearance. I like handsome men, but my only prospective of a handsome man is Elio, and Harry is for sure just as handsome as my dear Elio. I can say that Harry is attractive, but his attractiveness provokes me, not that I want my future husband to be unattractive, but I hate that guy so every little thing about him pushes my buttons. Harry stands by the end of the stairs in a fancy black suit with no tie, he has a taste. I never liked ties.

The classical music. I love classical music when it’s not played in my engagement. As Elio and I take our last step on the stairs, he gives Harry a small smile and hands him my hand after shaking hands with him. Harry takes my hand and walks me to where the stage where we should sit. There are beautiful golden-colored chairs and floral backdrop right behind them. The girls really made an effort in the decorations, I can see a welcome stand by the front door in the mansion, decorated with golden leaves and white flowers. The welcome stand says ‘Welcome to our beginning, Y/N, Harry.’

“Beginning my ass.” I comment, rolling my eyes.

“I hope you trip in this beautiful dress you’re wearing, y/n.” Harry comments back, not changing his smiley expression and not even looking at me.

My smile widens as we both sit on the chairs, “Bite me, Harry.”

Harry unbuttons his suit jacket before he sits down, both of us giving the best smiles we have, looking to the guests that are clapping and smiling at us.

The atmosphere is filled with fake happiness and guns hidden under fancy clothes. Various families have come to bless the engagement of two people they’ll be afraid of one day. My two conditions are plain and simple, one is that I get to keep my surname and become Mrs. Cappitani-Styles – I wish this day never comes -, two is that I’ll be guaranteed that I’ll be the one to rule my family.

The smell of toxic cigars between men’s lips, mixes with the pretty faces of girls and women. Trays of champagne and wine are going back and forth only for the hands of the guests to snatch a glass or place an empty one. Air is filled with signs of luxury and bleak dark souls dressed in mafia silhouettes.

People come and go, congratulating us and our fathers on the wonderful engagement party, wishing us the happily ever after I’m not planning to have.

“Your fiancée is beautiful, Harry.” A woman I don’t recognize compliments me, giving me a tight hug. The woman is beautiful and she sounds sincere.

“Right, isn’t she, mom?” Harry says to the woman who goes to give him a kiss on the cheek. Without even giving it second thoughts, I know he’s being sarcastic, but to hell with him, I am beautiful whether he denies it or not.

“I’m Anne, sweetie, Harry’s mother.” She smiles at me and I politely smile back.

“Nice meeting you, Mrs. Styles.”

“Soon you’re going to be Mrs. Styles just like me.”

“Mrs. Cappitani-Styles.” I correct her and immediately regret my harsh tone. “You look beautiful in this dress.” I say, complimenting her attire to soothe her of the words that skipped my mouth.

“Thank you, sweetie. I’ll go check on your father, Harry.” She smiles at us one last time and goes to Edward.

“Aren’t you lovely?” Harry rolls his eyes.

“What a coincidence! You’re just as lovely.” I scoff back.

“My gorgeous fiancée.”

“My fiancé, the apple of my eye.”

I can suffocate right now from just having him sit next to me. I can’t quite get why I hate him, but I don’t want a marriage so that’s enough reason to despise his guts. On the other hand, he shares the same feeling about me.

After a short time, he takes a velvet box from his jacket, looking at me with the most sarcastic look I ever saw. He opens the box that contained a diamond ring with a fat rock. I hate diamond. Every set of eyes are on us, so I shouldn’t snatch his head off just yet. He takes my right hand in his as he slips the ring around my finger as the applause starts.

I feel Elio whisper in my ear, “Please, smile.”

“What smile? I’m trying not to shoot him.” I whisper back.

“God, you have a gun on you?” Elio sounds surprised, of course, no bride-to-be has a gun under her engagement dress.

“Don’t sound so surprised or I’ll shoot you too.”

“Just smile for fucks sake.” He whispers one last time and goes off.

Harry has his friend whisper in his ear, “You look like you’re in the funeral of your enemy, stop with the act.”

“I’m barely holding myself from stabbing her arrogant ego.” Harry whispers back.

“You’re going to hold yourself for the rest of your life, mate.” With that, his friend goes to congratulate me.

“I must say, you look beautiful, y/n. Congratulations on the engagement.” The man doesn’t look so much like Harry, and doesn’t have green eyes. He has dirty blond hair and blue eyes, he can’t be a Styles.

I shake his hand that he spreads for me, “Thank you, you are?”

“I’m Tyler, Harry’s friend.” He answers and pulls away his hand.

“Well, well, well, two families against one, not nice.” An annoying voice interrupts the conversations, breaking the rhythm of fake happiness with his pure evil voice.

A figure of a man comes into sight, wearing an expensive suit that matches the guests except the daisy he has in his suit jacket. A clown to say the least. The grey hairs give him the benefit of the doubt as if he’s a middle-aged man, but he is not, he is my age. The grey hair is only a gene he got from his mother just like his perfect teeth that are shown between his lips that are turned up into a smirk, make him look like a decent gentleman. But that person with black eyes is not a decent gentleman, he is the definition of a devil with angel wings.

A man escorts the women and girls all inside a room while the other men stand tall pulling out their guns and pointing them at the man and his entourage. The guns pulled out are all of different types and sizes, machine guns, typical guns and so much more. Perks of being born in a mafia family. Harry’s hand finds its way to the gun hidden under his jacket, but not pulling it out.

“Woah, why all aggressive? I’m here to congratulate the beautiful bride.” The grey-haired man, also known as Alessandro Scavo, raises his hands as a symbol of peace and surrender. None of his men has pulled out their guns, so he must be here just to cause chaos.

I stand up, raising my chin up as my father taught me. The clicks of my high heels can be heard clearly from the silence that suddenly hit the party. Harry looks at me with furrowed eyebrows as he also follows me into standing up. I stop right in front of the face of Alessandro, his features disgust me.

“Party crasher, why are you here?” I ask with no expression, maintaining my calm. His eyes look me from head to toe, admiring me in his mind. His eyes sparkle every time.

“You’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, y/n.” He whispers and I know I’m the only one that can hear those words. “I just answered, I’m here to congratulate you on the engagement.” His voice becomes loud as the words skip his mouth, putting on a fake show of crazy happiness.

“You’re not invited.” I simply say, not falling for his shows. I can’t see, but I feel someone’s body behind me, but actually there are two, Elio and Harry.

“Do I need an invitation? I thought we were practically family. And look who it is! Harry freaking Styles, man of the hour, whom gets to have Y/N Cappitani on a silver platter.” His voice is so loud, I want to smack him. Alessandro’s eyes are insane, wide and black. Harry’s gritted his teeth, glaring at the pair of black eyes. “Eh, Paolo, don’t you think it’s unfair to connect both heirs in one marriage? I don’t stand a chance.” Alessandro’s words are directed to my father who is drinking his glass of wine in silence, not even looking at the situation.

I bite my bottom lip before speaking loud and clear. “Speak to me, Alessandro. You want to congratulate the bride, here I am! But if you want to start war right now, I can take you down in one move as I always have.”

“No, baby, I can never lay a finger on you.” His eyes are soft but quickly change as they turn to look at Harry, pulling out his gun in Harry’s face over my shoulder. “But him, I can.”

I can feel three guns over my shoulders as Harry pulls out his own gun to Alessandro’s face while Elio’s gun is over my other shoulder. And just like that, Alessandro’s men all pull out their guns in everyone’s faces.

Maintaining calm. Lesson number one.

“Let’s all calm down, tell your men to put down their guns, Alessandro.” I calmly ask, his eyes look into mine and draft to Harry again then back into mine. “Alessandro, tell them to put their guns down.” I repeat.

He bites his bottom lip and puts down his gun and motions to his men to follow. I follow him, motioning to the men to put down their guns, everyone obliges but Harry. His gun still pointing at Alessandro over my shoulder. I raise my hand to softly take the gun from Harry, to my surprise, he lets me have it.

“Now, I’ll appreciate it if you leave, Alessandro.” I say sternly.

His face looks hurt, but quickly puts on a smiley face. “Anything for you, baby.”

Alessandro’s face comes closer to mine, but his face actually is getting closer to Harry’s over my shoulder.

“You’ll have her over my dead body.” Alessandro glares into Harry’s face before turning around to leave.

Harry is clueless of what is happening or why Alessandro has this grudge that can’t be explained, but he feels possessive of me for the first time. He thinks that I am his fiancée, so no one can have me even he wishes to cancel my existence.

“Let’s continue with our celebration as if nothing happened.” I clap my hands before nodding to my cousins that stand by the door of the room which contains countless women and girls. My cousins nod and open the door for the girls as I make my way back to my chair.

Edward, who’s sitting on an armchair next to my father’s, is definitely impressed by the situation. He thinks this is exactly what Harry needs, a woman that can contain the situation and maintain the stability.

“Not many girls can be that brave and calm with a hundred guns around them.” Edward comments, smoking his cigar.

Paolo smiles, he appreciates the compliments he gets when it comes to his beloved daughter. Every time he watches how I handle situations, he grows prouder of his way of raising me. “She is raised to rule, what do you expect?”

“That’s what Harry is missing, to handle tough situations.”

“She has her bad moments, too.”

“They may not see it, but they’re perfect for each other.” Edward smiles to himself.

Edward cannot leave his son without being sure that he has backup. His little Harry grew to become this handsome man, ready to be the ruler, but with the rebels in their own family, that cannot happen without war starting. Edward cares about his family, that’s certain, but he cares about his son more. And war means that his son can get hurt one way or another, and he cannot let that happen to his own flesh and blood. And since the day Edward has known that Paolo Cappitani is raising his own flesh and blood to rule, adding that it’s a girl, Edward made up his mind to make her a part of his family.

--

Since the engagement, Harry and I never spoke. We’ll be married in three months because Edward only has a few months left to live and he wants Harry to be prepared before he takes his role. Harry is caught up in work, making deals, having fights with his family, the normal days. Though, he isn’t so fond of me, he is interested in knowing me even more. He hates to admit that he finds me attractive, but that is the truth even if he denies it. My beautiful face and body attract him, that’s for sure, but my attitude is another thing that makes him wanting to get to know me. The life of his was not a desert before our engagement, he has had his fair share of women to fool around with. Short girls, tall, thin, thick, flat, busty, and all types of girls. But not ever has he ever crossed ways with a girl like me.

I am raised to be a champion, to speak up and make everyone listen. Bravery is the root Paolo has planted in me and Elio. Elio and I can fight an army alone and not even blink in fear, it’s either we win or die in dignity. Paolo used to wake us up in the middle of the night to practice shooting, practice knifing, boxing. Sometimes, the training was hard, but I never hated my father because of that, I love him more every time I see myself equal to all men.

The same way, harry is raised. Fear is not in his dictionary. If the whole world was against him, he’d pull out his gun and shoot to his victory. Everywhere, anywhere, he can manage to be the alpha.

Only a month till our wedding, the girls are taking care of everything I should take care of. They are designing my wedding dress while I’m going to the gym with Elio. I have a sports bra on, gym shorts and a pair of sneakers, my hair is in a messy bun. Elio’s muscular upper body is hidden under his white t-shirt, he’s having a nap on the passenger seat though the distance to the gym is not that long. I pull over at the gym parking roughly only to freak out Elio. He snaps his eyes open in surprise, only to find me laughing.

“I hate you.” He glares at me as I get out of the car.

I open the backseat door to get my gym bag and let it hang on my shoulder, Elio does the same and we head together to the gym.

“I’ll kick your ass today.” He smirks at me, opening the door of the gym for me.

“Huh, you wish!” I roll my eyes, getting in.

The gym we’re used to go to is the one we were trained at, we can do boxing and kick the hell out of each other. Our trainer, Simon, is an old man that has always kicked both our asses to teach us how to knock out people in one move. We make our way to the lockers and when we make our way to the machines we start with some warm-ups.

“Children, long time no see!” The voice of Simon interrupts our warm-ups. I look up at him and give him a warm hug, he pats on my back before he lets go of me to hug Elio who now is shirtless.

“We were here two days ago, Simon.” I laugh, doing my warm-ups.

“That’s too long.” He smiles, letting go of Elio.

Simon is an old man, bald, white beard and has the body of an old champion. He is the one that taught us everything we know about boxing.

“When you finish with the gym, hit the door. We have some people to send to the hospital.” He says, going through the door that leads to where our boxing sessions take place.

After a while and as we’re finished with the gym, we refill our water bottles and hit the door, just like Simon said. Huge, is the perfect word for the boxing stadium -as we like to call it-. There are many punching-bags hung from the walls, speed-balls and all you can imagine and last but not least the square where the magic happens. I still remember the first time I was knocked out with a bloody nose on that damn square.

Some of our boxing friends high-five us, say their hellos as Elio and I enter.

“Holy shit!” I gasp, looking at the man boxing on the boxing square.

“What?” Elio asks looking at me and I nod towards the arena. Elio looks where I am looking.

The green-eyed jerk is boxing with some other guy. He has the boxing gloves on just like his gym shorts, he is shirtless. Looks like he has many tattoos, but I just roll my eyes and look away before I can mesmerize his image.

“Oh, Harry, Hi!” Elio yells to get Harry’s attention through the guys surrounding the arena.

I kick Elio who laughs as I walk to get my pair of boxing gloves. I wear the gloves and make my way towards one of the punching bags and start hitting the bag.

“How many times have I told you to protect your face?” Simon’s voice sounds annoyed at me before I even start, walking towards me with a face of annoyance.

“I barely started, Simon!” I roll my eyes as he leans his arm on my punching bag.

“I don’t care if you’re good at this, protecting your face is the most important thing. Now, stand in position!” He yells the last part and backs off from the bag as I take my position, raising my hands to my face in protection, steading my legs on the ground and start punching the bag.

“Now that’s a good girl!” Simon, loudly, encourages, clapping his hands. I keep on punching the bag, giving side punches from time to time.

“You punch like a girl.” That smirky voice I know very well by now.

I stop what I’m doing, panting, and look at the pair of green eyes that are standing near me.

“I’m a girl, want a taste?” I pant, chest and chin up. Harry’s arms are crossed on his chest, taking in how good I look in gym clothes.

“I don’t hit girls.” He smirks.

“Unfortunately, I hit boys.” I reply, giving him a punch in the face. He takes two steps backwards, holding his jaw that’s just received a punch, but his smirk fades for a second before it appears once again. Not that I punched him with my full power, I just wanted to prove a point.

“Woah, y/n, let’s slow down.” Simon says as I lock eyes with the smirky face.

“I’m gonna look for Elio.” I say, walking away to Elio who’s the one fighting now.

I can feel the pair of green eyes watching my every move as I walk towards the arena where Elio is having a boxing fight with one of the guys. Elio’s punches are good and precise, hitting the right spots and protecting his face all of the time, unlike me. An attacker is me, defender isn’t. Waiting for an attack so you can pull up your defense sounds so cowardly to me, attacking always sounds better.

Elio always gives his best during boxing and that’s what I see as I stand by the arena, watching him through the ropes that surround the square arena. The other guy has given Elio a punch that is totally a boxing foul, hitting him below the belt. Elio, as any boxer, falls down to his knees as he was totally caught off guard with such behavior during a match. I can feel the blood rushing into my head through my veins. No one is to hurt Elio as long as I’m alive, his dignity is mine. I skip through the arena ropes, making my way to Elio while the douchebag is laughing with his friends at the rule he has just broken.

“You did that on purpose!” I yell, helping Elio back on his feet.

“You need a crazy bitch defending you, now?” The guy laughs and I can only feel myself getting angrier. I let go of Elio and walk towards the guy. I will erase that smirk off of his face.

Throwing a powerful punch to his face, that I do, and right before he adjusts to this punch, I throw another punch under his belt, making sure I hurt him badly. Grabbing him by the neck with my forearm and tightening my arm around his neck, I let him fall with me on the arena, still strangling him, but as I feel myself slipping, I hold him closer by laying my legs on his body to keep my control. All he can do is try to hit my arm to force me to let him go, but that won’t happen.

“Do you know now that I’m a crazy bitch?” I whisper in his ear, tightening my grip around his neck. I feel Simon and Elio trying to save him from me.

“Let him go, Y/N!” Elio yells, grabbing me by the waist, but he only drags me and the guy back a little on the arena.

“Get off, Y/N, at once!” Simon yells at me, trying to grab the arm I have around the guy’s neck.

“Not before he apologizes!” I yell back, forcing the guy down.

The guy coughs with an open mouth due to the strangulation. “I-I’m s-sorry.” He manages.

With that, I let him go and immediately he runs away, tripping on his feet. I stand up, panting.

“Y/N, that’s not how we do things!” Simon sternly tells me, I only roll my eyes at his words.

My eyes drift to the guy who’s panting, holding his neck among his friends. I take off my glove and throw it at him, it lands on his head directly. Grunting, I get off of the arena, walking away and leaving Simon and Elio standing.

I take my things from the locker and storm away to the parking, not even bothering to take a shower. As I approach my car, the man I’m supposed to marry is leaning on it, arms crossed.

“Have anything to say, smirky?” I scoff, opening my backseat to throw the gym bag and slam the door close.

“You need to work on your anger issues.” He smirks as I stand in front of him.

This guy has a face created perfectly by God. His features could make hearts stop just so his features can be the last thing seen by the eyes of the beholder. Love is blind, but his handsomeness can be seen by the blind. And even though I hate him, I am incapable of not seeing his sweet face and admire every gene that made his face.

“Two things I can’t stand, smirky. One, being disrespected or underestimated. Two, someone harming Elio.” I say, holding up my fingers to count.

There is something about me that he can’t comprehend, though he is trying to. It must be the way I handle things in different situations, I can be all angry and violent, but still can maintain my temper and handle unbearable situations. Or it can be how tough I am, standing up to whoever. Certainly, these qualities make him, by all odds, curious.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” His question, or rather, statement startle me a little. Indeed, I am beautiful, but I am told that I’m beautiful by an unexpected person. A person whom I just punched in the face for disrespecting me.

“I don’t have time for this.” I roll my eyes, but his face’s still keeping the same expression.

“I don’t care, I’m just spelling facts.” He says before patting on my shoulder and leaving with no other words.

Irritated, I am. But I can describe myself to be more startled than irritated. And as I stand there, only the voice of Elio brings me back to reality. On our drive back home, I repeat his words in my head just to understand what kind of situation was it. Getting a grip, I let my encounter with Harry slip off of my mind.

--

My mother is far

Far, far away

They tell him to find another

But he stays

They say, ‘You brought a daughter’

But he lies

They tell him, ‘That can’t be’

But he flies

Fly away

Far, far away

My mother is away

The ‘Away’ is dead

This is not the end

They say, ‘You brought a daughter’

The song Paolo used to sing me and Elio when we were young, keeps playing in my head as I stand in my kitchen after returning from a business trip. All is dead once the mother is dead. Losing a mother is the only thing that hurts you and leaves an open wound till the day you die. You can never be healed of losing the one person whom never felt love towards anyone like they felt towards you. A mother faces thousand hells to bring to the world one tiny person. All my mother did was give me the gift of life before leaving me, vulnerable, tiny, weak and in need of a mother. No blame is on Alessandra for leaving before I could pronounce ‘Mama’, but deep down I blame her for not giving me the gift of knowing who she was. There is, in my mind, the need to argue with her, fight with her, hug her and listen to her tell me that she loved me. I didn’t get the opportunity to know Alessandra, and though it may feel that people like me don’t get hurt as much of losing a mother, it still hurts. All the time, I feel like a prisoner to the grief of losing a mother I never had. Why did you leave me, mama?

 My father once told me that losing a child is worse than losing a mother. He told me that losing a child is similar to having your heart snatched off of your chest. No one could imagine the pain, no other deaths could come closer to losing a child of your own and no matter what happened in life, you’d still feel the pain. You could no longer dream of them getting older before your eyes. The blame is the only thing you could do, blame your own child for dying and leaving your arms, blame God for taking them from you, blame the wings that flew them away from life. They take everything with them, your life, your age, and your happiness and they only leave you grief and bleak years.

That is why my father raised me to become the heir. Paolo wants me to fight and never risk me to life.

Paolo lost the love of his life, he cannot afford losing the love he can never replace. The love which was born by the love of his life. Me.

Bianca snaps me out of my thoughts, slamming a huge file on the kitchen counter in front of me. My eyes look at her floral, angelic aura and I see the big smile on her face as she opens the file to show me wedding dresses.

“You’re too busy to go find yourself a dress so I had the designer give me all the dresses he has in this file.” She smiles, going through the pictures of white wedding dresses.

“Do I look like I care, Bianca?” I arch an eyebrow at her, but she just shrugs at me.

“You need to choose one and come with me to the damned designer, or else I’ll make Elio force you.” She never curses, so she must be so irritated by me.

“You know I can take him.” I smirk and she rolls her eyes, playing with the strap of her floral dress.

“Y/n, I’m not kidding, the wedding is in two weeks! We already took care of everything else on your behalf, but the wedding dress can’t be chosen by anyone but you. Look! This one is so pretty.” She points at one white dress that I don’t like.

I huff. Bianca is right, they did take care of everything. I don’t even know where the reception or the actual wedding is going to be. “Fine.”

My fingers turn the pictures as Bianca squeals, clapping her hands, “Yay!”

As I look at a dress after another, I huff even more. This is not something I want to do. There is a dress catches my eyes, it’s not like me but I think it’s good.

The dress is silver-colored and can blind a blind with the sparkles, it’s off-shoulder and shows much cleavage just like I love dresses to show. The dress is huge, tight in the upper-half while the lower-half is huge. You can call it a ball gown wedding dress.

“I like this one.” I point at the picture and she turns her head to see the dress clearly.

“Oh, never thought you’d like a dress like that. It’s so pretty and sparkly!” She squeals at the end, closing the file. “I’ll make an appointment for today. Don’t even think you can get out of this, understand?”

I smirk as she walks away just to be replaced with the ringing of my phone. This number I know very well, it has been calling me for the past two months. I think, it’s time I answer.

--

Harry has been drowning in work. The Styles have been a thorn in his side, his uncles are turning against him, claiming that he’s no fit for the role. Trying his best to redeem his family members from betraying the family, but all efforts seem to vanish into thin air. While he is sitting in his office at the headquarters of the Styles Co., he hears the voice of his secretary through the phone speaker, “Mr. Styles, there’s a girl claiming that she’s your fianc- Ma’am, you can’t just ent-“

The door of his office suddenly slams open only for him to see my face. I stand there in my black bodysuit and black jeans, my hair falling down my shoulder freely. His eyes look me from head to toe, taking in how I am his fiancée. I can see why girls drool for guys like him, as he’s just as a delicious meal for a starving man. His attire matches mine, black shirt unbuttoned halfway and black dress pants.

His eyes look to the secretary who has followed me and he just nods at her. My eyes turn to look at her, as well. She gets out and closes door on her way. I turn my attention to him, crossing my arms.

“We need to go. Now.” I pull my chin up, ordering him.

His eyes speculate my appearance as they speculate my attitude. He gives me no expression, but inside he is trying to calm his curiosity. He sees a strong woman that stops at nothing, wants what she wants and gets what she wants. A woman that he barely knows, but still is pushing his buttons and talking like she has known him for years.

“Is that an order?” He smirks, crossing his arms, imitating my position. He gets more comfortable in his leather chair behind the modern desk.

“It can be if you don’t get your ass up. Alessandro has been calling me, he wants to see me alone. I can’t go alone, I have to have my gorgeous fiancé next to me. Just to prove a point.” I say, not giving him the expression which he’s craving so he can read me.

“Go on your own.” He says, briefly, before he gets back to typing on his laptop.

I free my arms, walking towards his desk and slam his laptop shut on his fingers, leaning in to be at the same level as his face, “Listen, smirky, Alessandro is not to be underestimated. If he threatens, then it has to be taken into consideration. If I go alone, then this messes up the whole point of the marriage.”

He frees his fingers and just admire the color of my hazel eyes while his damned smirk is not backing off of his face.

“I’ll go under two conditions.” He says as I straighten up my posture. I give no answer so he continues, “First, we will have a cup of coffee. Second, while we have our cup of coffee, you’ll tell me what is the history between you and that fucker.”

“Agreed. I’m waiting in my car.” I say, storming out of his office.

As he stays there, on his chair, in his office, he wonders. He wonders why I accepted his conditions without arguing my way out, he wonders if he’s going to like the story of me and Alessandro. He sighs, feeling the gun wrapped around his chest before he stands up to wear his suit jacket. He is the man, and I am the woman. We are not like Adam and Eve, we are the complete opposite, or so we think.

Harry and I can’t see what our parents see of us. We can’t see how we fit. We can’t see.

As I am scrolling on my phone, waiting for him in my car right in front of his company’s gate, the passenger door opens and he takes a seat next to me. I don’t even look at him, just as he closes the passenger door, I put my phone down and drive.

Harry notices that I’m a confident driver, driving with one arm just like him. Just like my driving, he notices how beautiful I am. The little makeup I have on doesn’t interrupt my beauty or put too much effort into making me more beautiful. To him, my hazel eyes that shine every time the rays of sun touch my eyes look like the sun after it rains. He doesn’t know that I see his eyes as the grass after a rainy day. We can’t see our similarities.

“Are you going to stare at me the whole day?” I ask, not taking my eyes off of the road.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to meet him all by ourselves without backup?” He changes the topic.

“Alessandro won’t come with any guards, he thinks he’s going to meet me alone.”

“Are you used to meeting him alone?” He asks, trying to hide that the answer can annoy him.

“I’ll tell you all about it after we’re finished with meeting him.” I answer, trying to calm the urge to kill Alessandro once I see him.

Harry nods and focuses on anything but me. After a while of silence, I pull over by a bar. I grab my purse and open it to make sure I have my gun, then I reach down to feel the knife I’m hiding under my bodysuit. Harry watches me as I make sure I’m prepared and as I put on a leather black jacket on.

“Let’s go.” I say before we both get out of the car.

We walk, side by side, inside the bar. The smell of alcohol suffocates me as I enter. Desperate, lost souls wandering the place, looking for another drink to soothe their wounds of agony. This bar is built over the lost souls, not the ones looking for fun.

Harry’s eyes scan the place to make sure there are no signs of threats. I walk to Alessandro just when I notice his silver hair, he is sitting on a barstool, having a glass of whiskey on the rocks. I take my seat next to him and I feel Harry taking the seat next to me.

Alessandro’s face lightens up as he sees me, just to darkens when he sees the face next to me.

“Hey, Alessandro.” I say as I motion to the bartender. “Martini, please.”

“Whiskey. Neat.” Harry says to the bartender. As if having neat whiskey can make him have the upper hand in this situation.

“I didn’t know we were going to have a third-wheel.” Alessandro scoffs, turning his body to face me.

“You asked to see me, here I am.” I say, not changing my poker-face.

“She’s my fiancée, if you don’t know.” Harry smirks and Alessandro bites his bottom lip in ire.

“I am worthy of you, y/n.” Alessandro states, looking into my eyes.

“No, you’re not. I rather be with a devil than be with you, Alessandro. You know that by now.”

“Two years and you can’t just forget about it.” Alessandro’s voice is hurt.

I grab my glass and take a sip. “I don’t forget, as if what you do is forgettable.”

“I can’t see you marry this bastard, I am the one you’re meant to be with.” Before Harry does something, I reply.

“This bastard is my fiancé, Alessandro. Disrespect him and you disrespect me. You are an evil person, whether you admit it or not. All we had is gone, none of it matters anymore. You’re stealing members of the Styles and you’re causing chaos between us and the government. As a matter of fact, all you care about is to bring us all down just to prove a point.”

“It’s my right, y/n! Your families took everything from us and we were left with nothing. And I’m not here to talk about whatever the fuck is going on in business. I’m here because you can’t marry another guy you only met once.”

“Oh? Watch me. By the way, business is a part of why I don’t ever wanna see your face again.”

“You’re the reason I’m doing all of this!”

“Spare me the ‘You’re the reason I’m fucking people up’! You do all of this shit just for yourself. Do you think you’re gonna stop whatever you’re doing if I just ask?”

“Of course!”

“Your audacity, man!” I shake my head, sipping my drink. “You’re going to continue at all costs. And I am telling you, Alessandro, if you think I’ll let you fuck up the Styles and us, you’re damn wrong. We built the empire; Harry and I are going to keep building it. We’re going to become your worst nightmare, Alessandro. Just as much as I respect your threats, you must respect ours. You love me? Let’s see if you’ll love me when I suck your soul out. Your whole family won’t be enough for us, if you come near us again. I’ll make you regret the day you met me, you’ll wish you can rip your heart off. We’ll be the nightmare that visits you every day. “

His face is stunned, not believing that this is the girl he’s fallen in love with. The girl he’s loved his entire life is swearing to take him down. Enjoying her visits in his dreams will turn into fear. Alessandro can act tough as he wants, but we will turn him into a panicked chicken. He can stand tall, but we will make him fall. He can build walls, but we will crack them. Harry and I, all we have is our families, we won’t let Alessandro demolish it just to prove that he has the upper hand. Although Harry isn’t enjoying not being a part of the conversation, he’s enjoying listening to me involving him in my words. Alessandro’s heart aches as he watches the look of evil I own in my eyes towards him. Those same eyes that he has fallen in love with, contain the purest aversion. He wants to threat back, but he can’t do so to the love of his life.

“You want to marry him?” Alessandro asks with hurt eyes that’re trying to keep cool, nodding his head at Harry. As if Alessandro hasn’t been listening to my threats, he is only concerned with me.

“Yes, I want to and I will. Get out of the picture. I don’t ever wanna see you again.” Alessandro nods at my words before he looks at Harry.

“I’m not gonna let you have her.” Alessandro says to Harry.

Harry arches a brow and smirks, he holds my right hand up, “You see this? This is my ring wrapped around her finger. In two weeks, she’ll be my wife. I already have her, Alessandro.”

Throwing some dollar bills on the counter, Alessandro stands up. “I can never hurt you, y/n, even if I want to. You, Harry, on the other hand, it’ll be my pleasure to watch you suffer.”

With that he leaves me and Harry alone.

--

I WANT COMMENTS

[lizzibennet]

Hiii you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but what made you realise you were a lesbian rather than bi? As someone who has always identified as bi since discovering the concept of it, sometimes I really do wonder.

Or do u think of it as more fluidly- something that changes with the time of life and people you surround yourself with and other factors.

And are all the sexuality phases you have been through just as valid as the current one or can the past be negated by the strong sense of change at that moment?

Idk I just want your thoughts on it (again feel free to ignore!) (Ps: also i would love to hear your recommendation on bi lit books, fiction or otherwise!!)

sooooo to put it very simply, i realized my “attraction” to men was actually just a sense of me wanting to get recognition and validation from them. this was truly SHOCKING to me as i’ve always considered myself a pretty independent person who didn’t give a shit about what anyone thinks, and on a surface level that is true, but this was something unconscious, in such a deep level that i needed help in therapy to be able to understand it! there was just something about being *desired* by men that made me feel good, but things like, say, sex or the actual romantic relationships i pursued with them were never fulfilling to me, emotionally or physically. i also was always into men who just were not good to me and i sought it out, i think, as a form of self harm. i just thought that’s how i was! and then i met my girlfriend and just so much slotted into place. i think a lot is different because she is the love of my life, but i also needed to admit how many things seemed to be different because she is a woman, how many things are good and easy with her and were good and easy with my ex gf but were terrible headaches when dating my ex bfs. so much of my demeanor just unconsciously changed when we started dating and i felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, like i didn’t need to “perform” as a woman as much, and as someone who DI DN’T think i performed before i knew there was something to examine there. truly there is so much!!!! a lot of my life seems to make more sense now! i always had a little bit of doubt and even tested the label when i was like 16 but in the end i just realized even if the gf and i broke up i would simply never want to date a man again ever in my life and would only ever pursue women from then on. i also realized the things i did like about the men i dated were simply things i could get from friends. i could never be wholly fulfilled only being friends with women, i’d want to date and fall in love with them, but i do not need or want that from men. the few parts of my relationships w men i did like (which were pointedly not the sexual or romantic part of it, more like the camaraderie of it i guess) i easily get from my male friends now. saurrrr this is totally rambly because it’s still very much not tidy in my mind yet tbh but yeah comphet and a lot of self hatred did a number on me LMAO

i think sexuality can definitely be fluid and i could very well have been bisexual and then later become a lesbian! i personally don’t think that was the case with me, i think i’ve always been a lesbian and just now with the clarity of AdulthoodTM and so many relationships and experiences i can have more context and know that i’ve probably always really been attracted to women and thats all. in the end even when i id’d as bi i always said i did not want to marry a man and always thought i’d end up with a woman so i think at some level i probably always knew a little bit.

(of course bisexuals with preferences exist and having been on the receiving end of biphobia so many times over the course of the last decade i feel very strongly that bi experiences and the bi community and its history are very important for all lgbt people to know! id’ing as bi, i always felt like the fact a ton of our experiences were not black and white and uniform made other members of the lgbt community uncomfortable, and, well, now i’m a lesbian with a track record that can only be defined as contentious lmao, so i relate stoll. the discussions happening within bi spaces are all very enlightening and important. i always felt safe and very welcomed in bi spaces and i loved the local community. i just felt like i had to say this- i need it to be very clear that my experience does not invalidate bisexuality in any way shape or form)

i have no like ill will towards past me for not “seeing it” sooner, i simply do not want to be that anymore. idk if “negate” is the word i’d use, i think all my past experiences as they happened then were valid and important and tbh if interpreted them as i was back then then i have no interest in going back and revisiting all of it. i thought of myself like that back then, i lived my life as best as i could then, this is what i think now and i’ll live my life as best as i can from now on. i’m not really the type to latch/hold onto past deeds. i’ll reexamine something if i think it’s worthwhile for current me but i don’t feel the need to go and recontextualize my entire life it that makes sense. that’s how i was then and this is how i am now, both phases are just as valid in my opinion

tldr i 🩷 my gf!!!!!!!!!!

[itsclydebitches]

I don't go here, but I really dislike how ubiquitous the notion has become in fandom that 'strong and independent woman' is somehow mutually exclusive with 'woman in a romantic relationship/prioritizing romance'. I feel like that's the kind of attitude that leads to terrible readings like 'The Little Mermaid is anti-feminist because Ariel gives up her voice for a man' which requires ignoring several key aspects of the film's plot and Ariel's character specifically (such as the fact that she sings Part of Your World before she ever lays eyes on Eric, and she spent her entire life collecting artifacts from the surface world and arranging them in her grotto), nevermind the fact that a story where someone falls in love and values that highly enough to make significant changes to her life to fight for it would still have value! Because love has value!

Like you said, just because there are a lot of cases where female characters are reduced to love interests and nothing else doesn't mean a female character caring about love and being motivated by love means she can't also be strong and independent. I feel like a lot of people just swing the pendulum way too far in the other direction and seem to think that being in love is what devalued those female characters, and not the fact that they were (by and large) written to be accessories for the male characters they were attached to and had nothing else to contribute to the story.

That is the problem, not romantic storylines themselves.

Precisely, anon! I'm really glad you brought up The Little Mermaid, both because the latest adaptation showcases how important intersectionality is (a black mermaid getting the "generic" love story is not the same thing as another white mermaid getting it) and because I've had similar gripes about many fans' readings of Cinderella. To be clear, I think the Disney + princess craze is a complicated subject with an equally complicated impact on kids, but a lot of people will attempt to simplify that conversation down to, "It's bad because she wants a man." Putting aside that this is not, as discussed, inherently a bad thing... did we miss the part where she's in a clearly abusive household, wants only to experience one fun night, and happens to meet the Prince without ever actively aiming for that to happen? This is a debate my friend and I have had for years, to the point where "Cinderella" is a bit of a code-word for, "We're never going to agree on this topic and others are getting annoyed at our impassioned arguments, so can we just move on now?" lol

I experienced similar frustration back when Jupiter Ascending came out and -- putting aside the quality of the film (or supposed lack thereof) -- people were up in arms about how terrible it is that the woman lead needs to be rescued by the guy, with the reason for that terribleness boiling down to, presumably, the idea that a woman is automatically weak if she needs help. Meanwhile, I was reading things through the lens of the show's realism (of course the average cleaning lady is not going to be able to fight off alien kidnappers without assistance) as well as the joy of seeing parts of myself in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy story. I'm not physically strong. I'm not a martial artist. I'm not someone who's going to immediately come up with a cutting remark and satisfyingly punch someone in the face. As cool as that archetype is, it's reductive to present a Strong and Independent Woman as solely physically strong and romantically independent. That definition should -- and does -- mean a thousand different things!

I do get it. I often have a knee-jerk reaction to certain writing choices for women (there was a maybe baby plot-line for one of Ted Lasso's characters this season that, far more than Keeley, I've been side-eying), but overall I try to approach each story as the individual text that it is. Yes, there are issues with these trends across media... but is this story actually falling into those stereotypes and harmful depictions, or have we just trained ourselves to reject anything in this category by default?

[ikuzeminna]

Uhura casting in SNW

I saw your post about the uhura miscasting. Do you believe in the theory some fans have that why they chose an ugly actress to play uhura was because they did not want her to be a threat to chrsitine chapel? I am glad I am not alone in thinking the new Uhura is highly very unattractive. So unattractive that it breaks the 4th wall. Like he creators don't see it. I was scared to say anything because I did not want to be labelled as a racist that hate dark skin black girls. There are very pretty dark skin black girl actresses.The Uhura actress is just not one.

Oh, Ce|ia Gοοding looks perfectly fine, my dear crap-stirring anon. Large, soulful eyes that draw the attention, a soft smile. Soft lines and curves. It's all there.

The creators of SΝW simply choose not to portray her Uhυra as attractive. And that's very easy to tell because they sure choose to do so with Chaρel. We see Chaρel be confident and cool and in a dress in a bar, we see all the ship teasing with her and Sρock and get to hear her talk about past trysts or a relationship or whatever that was. Her kissing Sρock has him feel~ things. Chaρel is actively painted as desirable by the narrative. SΝW Uhυra? We get to see her in her PJs and stuff her face hurriedly. She doesn't get to flirt with anyone. She randomly hums during a get-together to introduce a MacGuffin for later that is done so clumsily that Uhυra just comes off as a weirdo. Honestly, SΝW Uhυra's mannerisms remind me of Rοry Gilmοre. A book-smart, overachieving oddball, complete with juvenile exclamations during life or death situations ("And the crowd goes wild!").

That is not what TΟS Uhυra is like. TΟS Uhυra is refined and graceful. TΟS Uhυra is someone who is in control. She is someone who is confident. She is someone who draws attention to herself because she wants to. When she hums in the rec room and disrupts Sρock's playing, she owns it. She openly flirts with him. When Sρock tells her to hurry with the comm repairs she doesn't cave. You piss her off, she'll lock you in a closet. There was a slew of people who found her gorgeous. TΟS Uhυra was actively shown to be highly desirable (even if it couldn't go anywhere due to racism).

Hmm, did I just describe SΝW Chaρel? Oh my, what a coincidence.

If SΝW Chaρel and Uhυra switched personalities and backstories and Chaρel was written less like a 14-year-old's self-insert it would already make the characters more consistent with their TΟS counterparts. In fact, it'd make a lot of sense if Chaρel had massive daddy and self-esteem issues, explaining why in TΟS she'd latch onto the intentionally most emotionally distant man in the universe. Goodness, imagine. Exploring the reason for a woman's biggest character flaw in-depth instead of relegating her to just a dramatic love interest again. Because that's all Chaρel still is. Her modern upgrade has been knocking people out and being a spunky wisecracker, but she still has no relevance outside of her feelings for Sρock.

What an update.

To answer your question, I don't know what the creators were thinking, but it was definitely not casting an unattractive woman to get rid of competition. You can't even be unattractive as an actress. That's not how the show biz works. To me it looks more like yet another of the misguided takes about female empowerment that have been trending for the last 10+years that demand that "strong women" need to be independent and emotional hermits and not sexy because that is demeaning and women are not objects of desire or just there to be girlfriends, how dare you! what do you mean, that's what we do with Chaρel? that's completely different, oh em gee..!

The only character in SΝW who got the better deal is Τ'Ρring. She is actually a character now and not just more shallow drama for Sρock. Whoever is in charge of writing her should get a raise and be given the other characters, too, because SΝW started out strong but quickly became a kiddie pool of character depth.

No, I'm not a fan. The first half is fine but then it flushes itself down the toilet. Ηemmer dies and the focus is on Sρock's ship tease with Chaρel. Are you kidding me.

And then I have to sit through Ρike angsting about his fate yet again because the creators apparently hate disabled people.

People can scream all they want about JJ Τrek, but it got things right. It introduced new dynamics and elements that make sense and are interesting. JJ Τrek wasn't afraid to use romance and attractiveness to give depth to Uhυra and realize something that wasn't possible decades ago. It gave an attractive woman agency in her relationship that reveals as much about who she is as a person as the man she's with. Was JJ gunning for feminism? No, he was gunning for badass but got a lot of things right in the process.

They introduce her right after Sρock tells the Vυlcans to go eff themselves, showing us someone who is popular as she greets people here and there until she gets to the bar. Then Κirk comes leaning into the shot and immediately starts hitting on her. JJ Uhυra is not just popular, she is hot. So hot that the main guy sets his sights on her. And then they just start deconstructing the Hero Gets The Girl trope. You buy her a drink, she'll want something from you? Sorry, bro. You impress her with your knowledge, she'll want something from you? Nah, man. She smiles at you, she finally took the bait? Go sleep with some more farm animals, my dude.

Uhυra turning down legendary womanizer Κirk is such an important thing.

She is in control when Κirk is hitting on her, she is in control when she confronts Sρock about the Farragυt posting. Even when she's scared for her life facing the Κlingons, she remains in control of her emotions just like TΟS Uhυra when she admitted to her captain she was often scared but drew strength from him. One of her defining traits is being able to still do her job despite her emotional state.

SΝW Uhυra has none of that refinement and control. It's a completely different character. And I don't care if she is young because JJ's Τrek showed an Uhυra who was just as young, but where her core character traits were all present.

As for female empowerment, again, people can scream all they want, JJ Τrek still did a better job at it than SΝW. And why? Because an attractive woman doesn't automatically mean a sexualized woman. Yes, there is the underwear scene that was completely unnecessary and stupid, I'll own that. But aside from that dumb shot no one in the movie cares about, Uhυra being an attractive woman during the bar scene was not sexualizing Uhυra, it was portraying Κirk as a lecherous idiot. If people take a scene like that and think "Look! She's only an object of desire! She's only there to be the girlfriend!" instead of "Wow, what a jerk. Which part of no is so hard to understand, you loser?" that's on them and their male view interpretation and the bullcrap, internalized opinion that being attractive is an open invitation for every numbnut to hit on you.

It's not necessary for a strong woman or a non-sexualized woman to not have any sexuality at all. That's stupid and limiting. Like having to be allergic to nuclear families. This whole "You can’t want that, it’s demeaning!“ nonsense is pretty much the opposite of feminism. There's a reason Νichelle Νichols was wearing a freaking mini skirt during ΤOS. Because she wanted that right as a woman, not because she wanted to be a floozy.

Side note: I'm not gonna tag this anything because I have better things to do than get into arguments about a show I couldn't care less about. But I wanted to answer the ask nonetheless. I know anon will see it.

[nitewrighter]

Sojourn if you are still doing the "niche" ask, please

a song that reminds me of them: 15 Step by Radiohead

what they smell like: There's the obvious kind of metallic-exhaust smells of her prosthetics, but as far as her taste in soaps/perfumes goes, she like red fruit notes and warm floral mid-notes. Raspberry and jasmine and amber. Surprisingly feminine but not overwhelming. Like her prosthetics already have this kind of sharp smell to them, she likes smells that have a kind of softness to them when combined with your own body heat. Also it was a scent Liao used to wear a lot and she's nostalgic.

an otp: I like her with Liao a lot. "Engineer and Her Soldier" is the pairing name, I think? I still need to read her novel.

a notp: Don't really have one. I don't want her to get slapped with that "Strong Independent Black woman who don't need no man" trope, but also you can tell she's the kind of character where her love life takes a back seat to... pretty much everything else going on in her life. Actually I just found an interaction with Mercy where Mercy asks "How's that man you were telling me about?" and Sojourn says, "Angela I'm not discussing my love life on a mission." so that's interesting!

favorite platonic/familial relationships: I like how she intimidates Winston and she knows she intimidates Winston but she has a fun sense of humor about it. I'd be really interested in seeing her interact with Echo more!

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: Again, this fandom is terrible at remembering black characters exist despite begging for Sojourn for years. I do like Canadians slapping cute little Canadian cultural bits on her. I just think it's funny when they say "Sojourn drinks Tim Hortons."

the position they sleep in: Pretty average side-sleeper, but she takes her damn legs off to sleep. There's just... a lot of hardware and hydraulics that she doesn't want to bother with when she's going to sleep. She keeps a pair of leg blade prosthetics next to the bed in case she needs to run right out of bed, but she'll also not give a fuck and crawl to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in: I honestly have to incorporate her more into my fics, because she's been a vital addition to my pre-fall stuff and she deserves to be in more of my recallwatch fics. I wish she was more on-theme with Junkenstein's revenge... the gumshoe skin is so out of place...

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn: Sojourn I am so sorry that Blizzard is not even remotely trying with your skins. But that being said I love the Aliens Vasquez vibes on her commando skin.

[spider-xan]

I liked Spider-Gwen at first, but then actually read the comics and they weren't. That Good. She is a good character in ITSV/ATSV, but idk I still feel indifferent about her. And she's been, once again, relegated to just The Love Interest by the majority of fans. Regular Gwen is Peter's love interest and Spider-Gwen is Miles' love interest. Nothing else. It wouldn't bug me if people weren't so obsessive about her, most fans are like "Gwen HAS to be there she HAS to we NEED Gwen!!!!" and it's very annoying. It especially annoyed me that people were drooling about the fact that Insomniac might (or might not) include her and make her Miles' age, so they can be together. Completely disregarding the fact that Hailey exists.

I like her design and all, but she's very meh to me, speaking as a woman myself. Beside the things I've mentioned, my biggest gripe with her that she feels like a completely different character and not a variation of Gwen Stacy. With alternate versions of Peter, while they feel slightly different, they still have the character's essence. The only thing she shares with the OG Gwen is the blonde hair and name, she might as well could've been an OC.

Yeah, this actually is p much how I feel about Spider-Gwen as well tbh! I actually do remember when she debuted and it was coming off hot from the massive spike in mainstream popularity she got after the first TASM film came out in 2012, and I think a major selling point was that her comics would explore what if Gwen lived and got spider superpowers - so I was surprised when I read the comic and aside from having blonde hair, a strong personality, and a cop father, she was basically a new character, rather than if 616!Gwen had a different life; I know a big Spider-Man fan on here wrote a really good meta post examining why Spider-Gwen fell flat for her that I don't have the link for on hand right now, but I remember it discussed the odd choice of taking away Gwen's science skills from 616 when that was a trait that set her apart back in the 1960s and would have been interesting to explore if she had spider powers.

But yeah, like, I would consider myself on the flexible side with adaptations instead of being a strict textual purist, but I agree that you do have to keep a core spirit to a character or else they may as well be a new character with a superficial resemblance, and that's what Spider-Gwen felt like to me - if she had been branded as Spider-Liz Allen or just a new Spider-Woman, I wouldn't have thought of her as actually being a Gwen with someone else's name.

And yeah, you're right that Gwen in general often gets reduced to a love interest who doesn't exist independently of Peter or Miles. (My controversial TASM opinion is that she's not really written as an independent character so much as the perfect girlfriend for nerds.) In Miles' case, it also happens in reverse where the non-Black fandom struggles to think of him as a character separate from Gwen, in stark contrast to how Peter is not treated that way by fandom unless they're hardcore shippers who only ship - and then yeah, you get misogynoir like people screaming, 'Where is Miles' girlfriend??', re: Insomniac Spider-Man 2 while posting a picture of Spider-Gwen and erasing Hailey.

Anyway, yeah, I agree she does not and should not be in everything, and it honestly bugs me when people try to point at Miles by comparison and act like she's on par with his importance when she's not - Miles was groundbreaking and still important to this day on a meta level bc he was an Afro-Latino Spider-Man who became THE Spider-Man in his universe and took Peter's place originally amidst a lot of racist backlash to that change in the (Ultimate comics) status quo, whereas Gwen is far from the first white woman Spider-Woman, nevermind the only one, like, no, she is not the Miles Morales of (white) women.