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#she is SO different from me but yes i do want her to be my friend for real
mwagneto · 2 days
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hungarian/nomadic magyar tumblr circa 998AD dashboard simulator
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🏞️ vándor-ló-979 Follow
not yall still spreading emese's foundation myth??? she literally claims she fucked a bird????? like either she's lying or she cheated and she's trying to cover it up or well. i dont even want to consider the third option
🪺 magánügyek Follow
tengri forbid women do anything???
735 notes
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🦅 szél-könnyű-szárnyán-szállj Follow
okay im sick of the discourse let's do this.
8,572 notes
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🐎 istván-rovására Follow
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that took so long lmao -> !!!!!!!∧◇ᛏ⋈∧
481 notes
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🐴 csillagösvény Follow
i'm so serious rn if you support """istván""" in any way just unfollow and block me. we do NOT need him or his dumbass god and what he's been doing to our people to spread his religion is shameful.
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
btw we all know your real name is vajk stop larping as a christian it's EMBARRASSINGGGG
✝️ esztergom-örökké Follow
love seeing my mutuals reblogging this /s anyway op has multiple posts on their blog supporting quartering and human sacrifice. in case you were wondering. anyway stand with István
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
1) we dont even do human sacrifices, are you fucking stupid??? show me ONE post where i talk about that. 2) are you seriously forgetting that your bestie istván LITERALLY QUARTERED HIS UNCLE?????
#sorry to put this dumbass on the dash😭 dont even engage just block them #ur not making it up the tree of life lmao #discourse
3,264 notes
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🌅 bolygó-kárpáti Follow
friendly reminder that just because you're white passing doesn't mean you're not a real magyar!! people with mixed parents are just as valid <3
🏇 attila-népe Follow
cranky coz ur ancestors decided to mix with the europeans arent you
🧺 lemezelő Follow
isnt your girlfriend literally frankish????
🏇 attila-népe Follow
you had to have done some serious stalking to find that💀 and first of all i didn't have a choice, my parents picked the tribe, and second of all she's not my "girlfriend" i got her via ritual kidnapping (WITH consent. before anyone gets weird)
🌐 a-kiber-kovács Follow
Couldn't you have kidnapped another magyar woman? Or someone from another mongoloid tribe?
🔅 hadúrsimp Follow
ohh sure so now human pet guy is gonna chime in to advocate for the kidnapping of our women while being lowkey racist. what are you even doing on nomadblr????
🌅 bolygó-kárpáti Follow
what the fuck happened to my post
19,276 notes
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🪔 rakabonciás Follow
for the nth time, you're only a true shaman if you were born with teeth OR with extra fingers OR in the sac. the rest of you are faking & we can tell.
🦅szél-könnyű-szárnyán-szállj Follow
okay people keep spreading this but this is literally just wrong?? like congrats on the 6 fingers op im glad u and Little Golden Father have a special connection (genuinely) but like. táltos and sámán and mágus and garabonciás and javas etc are all different things with completely different requirements and life paths which you should definitely know if you're claiming to be one?? especially since your post says shaman but you're listing the criteria for a táltos, and your username looks like a play on garabonciás so. which is it🤔 maybe get your facts in order before trying to gatekeep
anyway don't listen to op!! your connection to the Upper World is yours alone and you're the best judge of what the Fathers and Mothers want your path in life to be!!
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🛐 mea-culpa Follow
It breaks my heart that the majority of my people still refuse to see the One True God and insist on sticking to their pagan spirits. I fear that when judgement day comes, we will all be wiped out thanks to their foul godless ways.
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
how tf am i godless when i literally have dozens of gods? little mothers and little fathers are in everything all around us & it must suck ass to live in a world where you're not surrounded by the small gods that inhabit everything. manifesting that the fene and the guta tag team beat your ass tonight
🔅 hadúrsimp Follow
hadúr will literally strike op down personally. he told me himself. whispered it to me sweetly even
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
while i agree with you, i feel like you might also have ulterior motives, nomadblr user hadúrsimp
#but live your truth! doubly so on the posts of these freak repressed bible lovers. meanwhile on the #COOL side of magyarhood we walk around butt ass naked!!! op have fun never experiencing joy ever again tho #discourse
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👑 sanctus-stephanus Follow
posting from an alt so i don't get cancelled but lowkey i'm starting to think koppány was right.... maybe this christianity thing isn't gonna work out after all
👑 sanctus-stephanus Follow
WRONG BLOG
👑 sanctus-stephanus Follow
THIS WAS A JOKE. IGNORE THIS
🪺 magánügyek Follow
ISTVÁN????????????? 💀
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peachesofteal · 23 hours
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Simple Math / Part Seventeen
Simple Math masterlist
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Ghost/Soap/female reader - AO3 - 4K words Tags: 18+ mdni. nurse!reader. PTSD, references and descriptions of domestic violence , grooming, manipulation, pregnancy. Simon's back story. Trauma. Bun opens up a bit more. Domesticity, feelings of anxiety, self doubt. Simon is a nervous dad. Emotional confessions.
“It’s Beth.” Simon wipes the countertop, chasing little dirty fingerprints with a wet cloth, before fixing a hesitant set of eyes on yours.
“That’s pretty… I like it.” There’s something odd about his expression, something haunted almost, a deep, dark well filled to the brim with rancid, stagnant water. You sense it immediately. “What’s wrong?”
He motions to the chair and slides your mug into your waiting hands. “Sit.”
“Simon?”
“It was my sister in law’s name. My brother’s wife.” Was. Your throat goes dry, muscles tensing.
“Was?” He pulls your fingers into his, cradled in the palm of his hand, thumb rubbing circles into your skin, over and over on a loop. A mechanism of comfort, connection. A thread stitch into the fabric between your heart and his.
“They died, sweetheart. My family… I lost them.” Grief, a shared experience you know now, froths in the pit of your heart. You tremble, he holds you steady, though it should be the other way around.
“What… what happened?” He sighs, dragging your palm to his lips.
“Let’s sit down on the couch.”
He holds you as he talks, diaphragm rumbling against your ear. You’re laid on his chest, unable to see his face, watch his expressions, but for this, you don’t feel the urge to dissect each one.
You’re content against him. Listening. Mourning.
There’s a swath of silence afterwards, and then he clears his throat. “So, I was dead. Dead until I met Johnny, I think. And then everything changed.” Johnny’s words from weeks and weeks ago make more sense, Simon’s actions and reactions rapidly gaining clarity. “When we found you, I saw it, the look in your eyes. It was the same one that used to haunt my mother’s.”
“You saved her.” He burrows his face in your neck and shakes his head.
“I did what I could to piece them back together. Helped get Tommy clean and on his feet, got rid of the old man for good, but the damage… the way she suffered, it was irreversible. The best I could do was be there as much as often as possible.” You comb through his hair, short strands of silk like Penny’s, and hold him close. “I promised myself, when I met Johnny, when we fell in love, I’d do better by my own family. For him, and then by Penny. And now you. Promised I wouldn’t become him.” Your heart clenches, squeezing in on itself. “Violence may have been a part of my job, but it wasn’t a part of me.” His fingers dance along your spine until they reach your chin, tilting you back to meet his gaze. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.” You whisper, leaning into his touch. He doesn’t need to ask for your trust, he already has it.
“Johnny thinks I’ve got a bit of a savior complex now, but I want you to know… that’s not what this is, bunny.”
“I know,” you clear your throat, fighting through the thick of emotion building there, accumulating in heaps, “I know that.”  
“But we do need to talk about him, you know that?” Darkness creeps along the wispy, dream-like cocoon the two of you built on the couch, and you push it away, try to banish it, basking in the comfort of his arms instead.
“I can’t, I… right now it feels like I’m in a dream where nothing hurts and nothing can scare me or hurt me, and I don’t-“
“You’re not in a dream, bunny. That’s your reality. This is real. Nothing can, or will, hurt you, scare you. No one will ever touch you again.”
“I need more time. Please.” Simon sighs, but doesn’t push, and the two of you lay there, together, suspended in comforting silence. For another moment, your world is a dream. A safe, beautiful dream, where happy endings are real, where love stretches on for eternity, unconditional, limitless, unbreakable.
You’re so different now, stark changes shocking to the girl you once knew, the one who doubled back on her routes to and from work, the one that walked everywhere with her hackles up. Little pieces of black rot now turned a blinding white, a brilliant beam seeking to shine on the whole of your life.
It’s a dream.
One you won’t easily surrender.
“I was really young.” It comes during a lapse in conversation, practically a blurt, an interruption pushing heat to your cheeks. Expelled from your mind, your body without choice, cracks appearing in the preservation that you’ve so defiantly clung to. You have to tell them, eventually. You have to break it all apart, let them see. Johnny’s mouth opens, and Simon’s hand darts to his wrist faster than a snake could strike, a clear signal. Don’t speak. “Obviously now, looking back on it, I realize I was groomed, or I guess, easily influenced. He was older, and I graduated early, started college early. I was in my second year when I turned eighteen. My mom,” the lump in your throat nearly chokes you until you swallow it down, “my mom busted her ass for me. I went to college on scholarships and her hard work.” Metal clanks against ceramic, forks settling on the edges of plates. “Anyway, everyone always thought I was a know-it-all and pretty awkward. We weren’t officially like, together right away but it was pretty serious from the day I met him. Eventually… he started to change me. Change my goals. He even manipulated my career path.”
“What did you go to school for?” Simon asks casually, head tilted.
“Bioscience. I wanted to be a doctor, so I thought it would transition well for med school. Thought I could become a surgeon.” You were a girl then; you know that now. Naïve, misguided by a hand that sought to control you, not love you as you hoped. It’s embarrassing, baring this, showing these broken bits and pieces to them, shattered shards of a mirror never glued back together.
“What happened?”
“He did.” Johnny squeezes your hand. “Made it to pre-med but ended up leaving and starting a nursing program instead. It’s what he wanted, and by then, I couldn’t say no.”
“But ye didnae want it, to be a nurse.”
“No. I didn’t. I love my job now, of course, and I’m happy in it, but originally, I wanted something else. He tricked me, in all honesty. Showed me something that wasn’t real, reeled me in, and then revealed his true colors.” You shudder. “The first time… the first time it happened, I shook it off, forgave him. I-“ the memory is still so strong, it stuns you. The blood from your busted lip is fresh on your tongue, sting on the side of your face turning to a blooming ache.
“Bunny?” Johnny’s grip moves to your elbow, strong, but not too tight. An anchor. You shake your head.
“Sorry.”
“Ye’re alright, ye can stop if-“
“No, I… I want to share these things with you. It feels like I’m supposed to, like you should know me… like this.”
“We already know you, sweetheart. Don’t push yourself.” Simon’s tone is serious, and you nod.
“It’s embarrassing, looking back on it and realizing how bad it was, how bad I let it get. How I let him cut me off from everyone, change my career, squash me like a bug.” You laugh, but it’s empty.
“Ye did nothin’ wrong,” Johnny’s lips press together, muscles in his jaw straining, “was never yer fault.” You don’t answer, just trace the woodgrain of the table, texture moving beneath your fingers. The conversation is draining you, leeching light away like a horizon swallowing the last of the sun.
“He’s rich. Like, fuck you money rich. Rich like make problems go away rich, and his job…” your head shakes again. It’s the most you’ve ever said, heavy buried secrets finally dug up, resurrected, the truth trembles through your bones. “He has resources. Has chased me across the globe more than once. My only saving grace is that when he has to work, he has to work, and it’s usually for long chunks of time.”
“I know you’ve said you’re not really sure, but did he ever tell you what his job entails?”
“He’s in the military. Some sort of security work, department of defense, or something. He never really talked about it.” Johnny shifts in his seat, antsy, and you shrug. “He kept that part of his life very, very private. There was even a room in the house that was always locked.” Your head is heavy, lead upon your shoulders, and Johnny tucks his arm around you, pulling you into his chest.
“I know this is hard bun, but ye’re so brave for us. Lettin’ us know ye this way. I’m proud of ye.” He murmurs, lips to your forehead, and you fully relax, wrapping around his middle.
“I’m tired.” You whisper, eyes closing, and he rubs your back.
“Let’s get ye to bed then.”
“Your child is too big for me to carry!” You announce, hand on your hip, little backpack straps looped around your arm. Simon closes the door behind you, chuckling, and Penny plops onto the floor. She goes to a nursery day program now a few days a week, something that was a contentious subject in the house for far too long, opinions and arguments ping ponging over your head until the decision was finally made.
“It’s not safe.”
“Ye cannae keep ‘er locked up here forever, love.”
“Why not?” Simon bounced Penny against his chest, unimpressed look on both their faces, so alike you almost busted out laughing.
“Because she’s a child. She needs to be w’other children, not just us.” Johnny brings his free hand to his lips, squeezing Simon’s wrist. “I know ye’re scared.” Simon’s not the only one who’s scared, you thought. Phillip lurked at the edge of your mind, worry that he might find Penny plagued you, even though they both assured that wasn’t their main concern.
“She’s too little.”
“Simon. We agreed on this,” Johnny gives him a sharp look, “do yer research, find the best one. Ye know this needs to happen, for her. She needs to make friends, learn how to interact with kids her own age. Ye know this.”
“Fine.”
“She cannae be, not m’wee lamb.”
“She is.” You rub your shoulder. “Sheesh.” Penny’s stomach gurgles at your feet, and Simon grimaces.
“There’s a bug goin’ around the kids, teacher told me today.”
“Not surprising. Nurseries are little petri dishes.” You straighten your back, rolling your shoulder, and wince.
“Hurts?” Simon’s thumb digs into the soft spot there, and your lashes flutter.
“Maybe ye need a hot bath,” Johnny suggests, and Simon ushers the two of you up the stairs.
“I’ve got Pen. Go relax.”
“This is nice.” Johnny soaps your back, lavender and vanilla steam swirling around in the bathroom as you lean against him, his chest to your back.
“Aye.” The cloth drags across your chest, teasing your nipples, and you revel in his touch, soaking in every second he gives you, the brush of his cheek against yours, his lips on your neck. “Like havin’ ye all to myself sometimes.” You blink.
“Does it bother you? When we’re not all together?”
“No. Ye have a relationship wit’ me, and wit’ Simon, and we have a relationship all together. No one is the same. I like it.”
“Me too.” You settle again, loose and tender in the bath, soaped hands running up and down your back, kneading your shoulders, releasing the tension coiled in your bones. You groan.
“Feel good then?”
“Yeah.” He presses a hand over your heart with a deep breath, before he takes another.
And then one more.
“What’s wro-“
“I love ye bun. Wholly. Think ‘ve loved ye since the day I opened my eyes to ye leaning over the bed in hospital.” You turn, twisting to face him, and he dabs your nose with his thumb. “I dinnae have any expectations of ye, or yer feelings, but I had to be honest. I had to tell ye.” The confession fights its way forward, begging to be let out, to be freed.
Tell him. Tell him the truth. Tell him you love them, that they’re your light, that they’ve chased the darkness away and replaced it with the sun.
You can’t.
Instead, you rest your forehead against his, syncing your breathing, sharing the moment, holding onto him so tight in case he slips away.
“I can’t say it.” You whisper, and he nods. “But that doesn’t mean… it doesn’t mean it’s not there. I’m just… I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“An’ that’s okay. I’ll wait, I’ll wait for ye as long as ye need.” There’s no pressure, no demands, just Johnny and his arms, his understanding and patience, his love.
You blink back tears and crash your lips to his. “Thank you.”
Your stomach is what wakes you.  
Something it in is burning, tossing bile around, the sensation strong enough your lips curl, and you try to draw a deep breath through your nose.
You wriggle, trying to pull free from where you’re tangled up in Simon and Johnny, carefully and slow, hoping to avoid waking them though you know even in their dreams, they sleep with one eye open.
 Still, you manage to make it to the bathroom before feet are padding across the carpet on your heels.
You sink to your knees in front of the toilet, stomach bubbling, sending the scorching remnants of dinner up your throat.
The door clicks open. “No, get out. I don’t want you to see-“ you gag again, tap turning on at the sink, a cold washcloth folding over your neck.
“Shhh,” Simon murmurs, rubbing your back, “get it all out.”
“Oh god,” another wave swells, and your muscles tense, body expelling bits of bile and not much else.
“That’s the way, good girl.”
“This is gross.” You gasp. “You should go back to bed.”
“I’ve seen way worse than you puking, sweetheart.”
“She alright?” Johnny half yells from the bedroom and you groan. The guilt of him having to maneuver himself out of bed, still not one hundred percent healthy, still not back to full strength, draws a shiver from your spine.
“I’m fine, don’t come in here!” Your stomach pitches, fingers tightening against your thighs, but nothing comes up, again and again, until everything settles and you’re breathing deeply, steady, back straight.
“Let’s get you some water.” There’s no point in arguing with him. He’s going to do what he wants to do when it comes to taking care of you, you know that now. It’s painfully clear as he tries to help you drink from the glass, and then puts toothpaste on your toothbrush.
“I’m fine.” You assure weakly, but he only watches you, concerned.
“Think it’s the nursery bug?”
“Probably.” You sag, energy drained completely, and he steadies you, cupping your cheek. His touch is cool, and you lean into it, savoring the reprieve it brings against your throbbing temples.
“Want to go back to bed?”
“What if I throw up again?” He presses a kiss to your forehead.
“I’ll jus’ clean it up.”
“Can I ask you a question?” You glance up at the timid mouse of a nurse, brand new, fingers clutched around a tablet like she’s drowning and it’s her life vest.
“What’s up?”
“Can you… can you look at these orders for me?” She looks terrified, and it tells you everything you need to know. She’s probably caught a mistake.
Baby nurses begin their careers in a delicate position. They’re overwhelmed, fresh off a whirlwind of orientation, overloaded with policy and procedure, and depending on their preceptor, either somewhat prepared or completely lost. Pitting a baby nurse against a provider, even a first-year resident, is like sending a lamb in to confront a lion. The result is usually tears.
She hands you the tablet and you spot it immediately. Incorrect dosage.
“Good catch.” You reassure, coaxing a small smile, and she nods.
“What do I do?”
“We go find the provider and clarify the dosage.” You’re not going to leave it up to her, alone, hang her out to dry and probably get run over by whatever moron ordered it in the first place, who happens to be-
Marshall.
Your eyes couldn’t roll any harder. “The pharmacy is also very on top of seeing errors like this, but it’s good you’ve noticed too, for the patient and yourself. Liability for things like this can be very tricky.” She nods again, trailing behind you, brand new squeaky sneakers echoing your own steps.
You can’t stop the sigh that escapes you when you find him, leaned up against a wall, arms crossed, smirking, cocking his head at your companion. “What’s up?”
“Can you take a look at this for me?” You purposefully zoom in on the meds tab, practically painting a bullseye around his error. He scoffs, defensive immediately, dismissive, before he takes a closer look, jaw clenched.
“That’s my mistake.” You blink. Marshall rarely ever takes responsibility so gracefully. Your eyebrow lifts.
“Care to fix it?”
“Of course.” His agreement is punctuated with a smile, though it’s off kilter.
“You can go,” you nod to the nurse, “good job.” Her eyes dart between you and Marshall, and without another word, scampers off.
“She’s new?” His usual interest in new nurses is less enthusiastic than ever.
You hate Marshall. He’s a scumbag. But he’s also been your coworker since day one, and you can’t help yourself. “What’s up with you?”  
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve never owned up to a mistake that quickly, and you didn’t even make some smart-ass remark. Or berate her. Or give me an attitude.” He winces.
“It’s nothing.” But it doesn’t seem like nothing. It seems like something is wrong, like he’s sad, or depressed, and try as you might, your bleeding heart can’t walk away.
“What’s wrong.” You phrase a statement, a demand, instead of a question, and he blows a frustrated breath.
“It’s… I’m seeing someone.” Your eyes go wide.
“Who?” Please don’t say a nurse, please don’t say a nurse, please-
“Anna. From radiology.”
“Oh my god. The cupcake girl?” Anna was a fan favorite. Not only was she kind, but she was also quick with her reads, and baked cupcakes for the entire floor almost once a month. As far as radiologists go, she was better than most.
“Yeah.”
“Okay…”
“I really like her but… she’s always been aware of my reputation and is trying to take it slow. Too slow.” You could lecture him with a million reasons why she’s in the right, but it doesn’t seem like he’s got the resolve to handle it.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s dragging her feet. Doesn’t want to hang out more than once a week, rarely stays the night. I’ve been to her place a handful of times, but that’s it.”
“How long has it been?”
“Two months.” You laugh.
“That’s it?”
“It’s a long time for me!” You hold your hands up in surrender.
“Okay, okay, but seriously. Two months is no time at all. Have you discussed the… reluctance with her?” He seems uneasy, and for the first time, you’re not sure if you enjoy watching him squirm.
“Yeah. She says she’s happy, but isn’t trying to jump into anything,” his air quotes carry a whiff of the condescending asshole you know too well. This conversation couldn’t be timelier, and you think back to what you told Johnny the other night.
“Just because she’s taking it slow doesn’t mean her feelings for you aren’t there. You have to respect that. If she’s still putting up with you after two months, I’d bet she’s just being cautious. Getting hurt sucks.” He nods thoughtfully. “Give her the time she’s asking for, and don’t give up.”
Don’t give up.
The sentiment twists a knife lodged deep in your heart. Is that what will happen to you? Will they give up? Get tired of waiting for you to spill all your secrets, get tired of waiting for you to take the final step? To tell them you love them?
Get tired of waiting for you to let them use your real name?
“I didn’t expect her, didn’t expect to feel this way.” The mask comes down, revealing a hopelessly lovesick heart, the depth of it shining in his eyes.
“I don’t think anyone ever does expect it. That’s the surprising thing about love, I guess.” You sway, a palm pressed to the wall as your hand flattens over your stomach.
“You alright?” Marshall’s voice is far away as you breathe through your nose, trying to fend off the nausea tightening your throat.
“Sorry, I’ve been a bit under the weather. Think I’ve got a bug or something.” Your stomach roils in warning, and you barely grit out an apology before dashing away.
Just in time to toss your breakfast up in the toilet.
“I’m fine.”
“I heard you in the toilet. You didn’t sound fine, and you shouldn’t be working if you’re sick.” Your manager shakes her head like she’s disappointed, and you glare. You both know if you had called this morning talking about a stomach bug, she would have told you to suck it up unless you were actively vomiting.
“Look around. Do you see an excess of nurses on the floor?”
“We’ll manage. Or call someone in.” You shake your head.
“We’re already way past policy ratios.” You bite your tongue when safe nearly slips out, not wanting to piss her off. That’s the union’s job.
“At least go sit down or something. Take a break. Come back in twenty minutes and let me know how you feel.”
Your closet is cozy, and for once during the day, unoccupied. The nausea has subsided, for now, and you shoot a text to the guys, asking about Penny. If you feel like this, you can’t imagine how she feels.
You curl up and imagine you’re home instead, maybe in bed with a sleeve of crackers and some soda, warm chest at your back, a hand stroking over your hip. Maybe you’d have some soup, maybe the three of you would watch a movie after Pen went down for bed. You start to drift in the domestic fantasy, sleeping curling itself like a blanket over your shoulders, until you’re startled by the vibration of your phone, foot kicking forward in a jolt against a shelf.
A box falls to the floor.
HCG strips.
You stare at it for a long time, numbers and dates and weeks mashing together, calculations getting lost in the fray.
You’re not…
No.
Ridiculous. Not even possible. You’re on the pill. Religiously.
You have the nursery bug that Pen brought home. Get a grip.
Still…
You use the fifth-floor bathroom, one of the only single occupant toilets in the whole damn hospital, nausea now coming from a completely different source.
The timer on your phone is incredibly slow, or maybe it’s just time itself, the world turning in slow motion, every second elongated into turbulent silence, too many thoughts, too many feelings, too much of everything to tell where one ends and the other begins.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Panic.
Sadness.
Grief.
It’s grief that is the strongest. Grief for something that Phillip stole, mourning for something that was once so close, so real, and then gone in an instant.
If you close your eyes, you can still feel his boot in your stomach. The press of a steel toe, jammed beneath your ribs, wild, deranged eyes staring down at you in a rage.
But-
Buried so, so far beneath the crushing weight of it all, there is a bright little pocket of sunshine. A small little sliver of light, beams of hope stretching for the sky, warmth spilling over until your hands tremble with the conflict warring inside you.
Nothing has changed, but everything could.
The timer goes off with a shrill chime, and you lean over the sink to where the small strip sits on top of a cup.
A bold pink line.
And then another, more faint, but certainly there. A simple equation, one plus one equals two. Simple math.
Tangible. Present.
Pregnant.
478 notes · View notes
parfaitblogs · 14 hours
Text
fresh out the slammer ❀ s. reid x reader
in which spencer reid comes home from prison, and needs to fulfil everything he has missed about you. 
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: smut & comfort (18+ mdni) tags: post prison!reid. soft dom!spencer. teeth might rot i was cringing during some of this. established relationship. the briefest of breast play because what do i hate? the word nipple! fingering. p in v. no protection is mentioned but imagine what you will. casual nudity afterwards. spencer's got bruises from prison. i lowkey forgot about his thigh wound until the very end.  word count: 5.7k a/n: there's a completely different version of me in a world where i didn't write this. i hope she's doing well. i feel like i've been reborn. this is stupidly long LOL my apologies. pleaseee tell me if you liked this! or if you didn't! i love feedback! here's my monthly smut fic see you all in october!
Three months wasn't a long time, in the grand scheme of things. A quarter of a year usually went by too quickly for anybody's liking, the year sprinting through seasons until all twelve months were complete, and you were repeating it all over again. Usually. Three months without Spencer Reid, however, went by achingly slowly. And you hadn't originally considered just how agonising they could be. 
Each day was another painful mirror of the last, waking up and going to bed with the same sense of dread in your stomach, oftentimes swallowing you whole and leaving you unable to do just about anything at all. 
Living life without Spencer Reid was hard.
You saw him — of course you did. Despite his original efforts to keep you off the approved visitors list, Penelope Garcia had seen one glimpse of your heart shattered expression upon being told, and marched her way to the prison to slap sense into him. You weren't sure if that was metaphoric or not. 
However, seeing him once every other week and living with him were two very different situations. You hadn't realised just how much you had depended on him always being there when you woke up in the morning until you were waking up to cold bed sheets and a pillow clutched petulantly to your chest in hopes of recreating the warmth only Spencer could provide. 
And then he was free. 
From prison, that is. You hadn't heard it all — information about his time in prison had been kept from you in an attempt to protect your own peace of mind. But you knew from at least the bruises he was always sporting no matter when you went to visit him, that something awful had happened to him in there, and his own brain would keep him imprisoned for as long as it wished. 
But he was free.
And he was here, and you were staring up at his face littered with unkempt facial hair and a head of untreated curls, and regardless of everything horrific he had endured brewing behind his eyes, he was staring at you with the same softness he had before any of this happened. 
Despite the beginning of a protest when you wrapped your arms around his torso, you hugged him, and he hugged you, and even the faintest smell of grime and blood couldn't stop you from gripping onto him with so much force you thought your knuckles would break. 
"You're real," you whispered into his chest, muffled by it, and it shook beneath your face as he laughed, quietly. Beautifully.
"I am," he answered, and you could feel him crushing his own facial features into the top of your head, no doubt inhaling your shampoo. "You're real."
"Yes," you confirmed with a nod.
Maybe hours passed, perhaps only minutes. Whichever it was, you were still reluctant to pull away from him until he did, your face stained with tear streaks you don't remember shedding, his own eyes glassy as your gazes met. 
"You don't want to talk about it, do you?" you asked him, walking backwards as you led him out of the doorway you two had been finding solace in, and further into the apartment space you were ecstatic to share together again. 
"Not particularly," he answered, strides catching up to you and encasing your waist between his hands, tugging your body closer to his own. "Is that okay?"
"As long as you promise not to keep it in," you replied, teeth chewing into your lower lip in a contemplative habit. 
"I have counselling at work," he said, and you nodded, your facial features softening only a little — you knew him well enough to know he wouldn't enjoy said counselling sessions. Breath tickled your lips as he leaned in a little closer, inciting heat onto your cheeks. "Any other questions?"
"No," you replied, your own lips twitching in amusement. "That's it. Why?"
"Because I haven't kissed you in three months," he murmured, "and I want to."
"Maybe," you said with a hum, and he said your name chidingly, eliciting a laugh from you. "Yeah. Okay."
To be honest, you had spent a few too many nights allowing your thoughts to wander and end up dreaming about what it would be like to kiss him again. Whether or not either of you would have the patience to be gentle and kind to one another. In those nights, you had decided you would be. Your heart cracking every time you thought of Spencer alone in a concrete cell that it left you with a gaping hole in your chest. All you really wanted was to hold him and remind him how adored he was. 
Right now, you learned you wouldn't be. 
There was a tenderness in the way his hands found your cheeks to cup, and there was a softness in his fingertips against your skin. Yet, everything he kissed with was anything but. Feverish and quick, swallowing you whole and inspiring a spark in your chest that resulted in you kissing back just as hungry. 
Just when you thought there was nothing left to trigger within him, a squeak left your lips as the result of him tugging you impossibly closer, and he was beginning to walk you backwards, even further into the apartment, his kiss growing all consuming. 
"Spencer," you said, breathlessly, jerking your head back, staring at him, waiting for him to realise you weren't returning your lips to his, and his eyes opened. 
"What?" he asked, almost irritatedly. When he watched the slight flicker of hurt flash on your face at the tone, his own expression became gentler. "I'm sorry. Is something wrong?"
Immediately, you shook your head. "No. I just wanted to check how far you wanted to go," your hands travelled up to his hair, fingers scratching gently against his scalp. "I know there's a lot going on up here."
"Actually, right now it's just you," he said, tilting a head to the side to lean into one of your palms. "It's mostly you all the time. But right now you're consuming it."
"I make such an impact on your life," you quipped. 
"I know you're teasing, but you do," he replied, fingers tracing up and down either side of your jawline, eyes searching each small detail on your face he had no doubt already memorised. "I survived in there for you."
"Oh."
Probably not the most eloquent response for the things he had just confessed, but truly your brain had scrambled within an instant, and you weren't sure what to say.
"Sorry," he said, hands stilling on your face. "To answer your question, I don't know. I really missed you."
"I know," you said when a gaping silence followed his words. "We don't have to."
"I think I want to."
Your eyebrows furrowed. "You can't think, Spence. You've gotta know."
"I've definitely said that to you before," he chided, thinking for a moment, before, "yes. I did. First time we had sex."
"Sue me for repeating important sexual advice to you, Spencer Reid," you huffed. He laughed. 
"No, I mean, I do. Want to," he finally replied. "I'm really scared of hurting you."
"Do you want to hurt me?"
"No."
"Then you won't," you reassured him, despite knowing whatever doubt he had in himself would not be resolved just like that, and it'll probably eat at his mind for a long while. "And even if you do, I won't be upset with you." When his face scrunched and his expression mirrored judgement, you stammered to clarify. "Not in a kinky way. Don't look at me like that, Spencer. Stop it. I just meant I'll understand. And I won't be mad."
"Didn't take you to be into masochism," he mumbled, and you groaned at his selective hearing, dropping your forehead to his shoulder, that shook with his laughter. "Kidding, honey. I know what you mean."
"Not funny."
"It was a little," he countered, a hand reaching up to entangle within your hair to pull your head back, gently, so he could look at you again. 
"Hi," you said when your eyes locked once more. 
"Hello," he answered, his lips pulling into a smile. "I'd like to kiss you again."
"You've used up your kiss for the day, actually," you replied, sweetly beaming up at him. 
"Quiet," he shot back, leaning forwards and allowing his lips to brush hesitantly against yours, eyes searching your own with an added hint of desperation. "Please?"
You pretended to think for a moment too long, because he was already mumbling something that sounded a little like 'brat', and pressed his mouth to yours once more. 
You couldn't complain. 
It was the same intensity as earlier, and yet there was something in it that differentiated the homesickness of the kiss from then, and the desperation now. Large hands — that you would probably allow to encase you whole — pathetically held your face lightly, hips knocking with yours as he walked you backwards and up against the back of the couch. 
"Spence," you whimpered embarrassingly, hands clawing at the sleeves of his suit jacket, trialling and failing at tugging it off his body. 
"I got you, sweet girl," he mumbled against your lips, not breaking the kiss for even a second as he helped you, shrugging the jacket off and allowing it to fall to the floor — something he will certainly chastise himself for later. 
"Bedroom," you said, in between heavy breaths and feverish kisses. A request he was more than happy to comply to, for he had nodded, and you were instantaneously tugging on one of his hands in the direction of the room, his eyes fixated on your body as he trailed behind. 
"Missed you so much," he murmured as he tugged you back towards him the second he had kicked the door shut, lips finding the corner of your mouth, then your jawline, then your neck, as he kissed down you. 
"So you've said," you breathed out, tilting your head to the side as he gently nipped at the skin. 
"Do you get off on being mean to me?" he chided, lifting his head to look at you again, and your heart stuttered. 
"No. Just that dominance act that it brings out," you murmured, attempting to keep the mood light. Successfully so, for air huffed out of his nose as his lips twitched, fingers that had dropped to your waist squeezing it gently. In unresolved doubt, you added, "I missed you too. Don't worry."
"I'm not," he replied, and the weight lifted off your shoulders. "Lie down."
"So demanding," you teased, though his tone was anything but firm.
You were met with an unimpressed look, and you merely grinned back as you climbed onto the bed, sitting cross legged atop it, staring up at him expectingly.
Instead of moving over you like you had expected, he crouched at the foot of the bed, holding his hands out on the mattress in front of you. Needing no more than the simple gesture, you untangled your legs and stretched them out in front of you, and he tugged you down towards the end of the bed, breath hitting the skin of your thighs deliciously. 
"I'm supposed to be making you feel good," you argued when his fingers trailed up the sides of your legs, finding the waistband of your pyjama shorts.
"Why?" he questioned, halting his movements as he searched your face. 
"Because you're the one who just got out of prison," his face scrunched at the verbal reminder. "Sorry. But... yeah. I have thought about making you come the day you got home like daily."
"Oh have you?" his eyebrows shot up, and it was then that your brain caught up to your running mouth, and your cheeks heated up. 
"Nope. Forget I said anything."
"No," he pushed himself up from the floor, moving his body over yours on the bed, successfully forcing you to lie back. "Tell me those thoughts."
"Spencer," you moaned, shaking your head as you buried your face into your hands, that he was a little too quick to catch and pry away. 
"I'm not going to judge you," he said, amused. "In fact, I aspire to know every single thought there is up in that pretty head of yours. Especially the ones about me. Please tell me."
"I just thought about making you come. There's nothing more exciting to it."
"Yes, but how?" 
"My mouth, I guess," you mumbled, voice going impossibly quiet. "I don't know."
"You're acting like you have never given me oral," he said, catching your gaze within milliseconds of you averting it, thumb and forefinger straightening your head again. 
"Nobody says oral, Spencer. Say head," your own face now scrunched up. 
"Lots of people say oral," he defended. 
"Yeah, old people. We are not old people."
"Fine, you're acting like you have never given me head." 
Despite it being a jab at him to take the heat off of you, the phrase coming out from his lips sounded exceptionally vulgar for what it was, and it only resulted in your stomach flipping. 
Finally, you regained some control over your own thoughts, and you found it in you to reply. "That's what I want to do. Because I want to make you feel good."
"You underestimate how much I gain from making you feel good," he countered, fingers lazily caressing the skin of your jaw as his eyes studied your face with an intensity that had your stomach flipping. 
"It cannot be as good as an orgasm," you huffed, stubbornly so. 
He nipped at your nose. "It is."
"Can we compromise?" 
"So you don't want me to give you oral?" his eyebrows rose. 
In every other situation, you would not be fighting him on this. In fact, he would probably have already gotten his foreplay of teasing and teetering you on the edge out of the way by now, and you'd be well and truly content. However, the forefront of your mind was still plagued by how little time Spencer had to take care of himself, and the last thing you needed him to be was at your service. Despite his protests. 
"Head," you corrected. "And no."
He searched for remnants of a lie for a few beats longer, before he nodded his head, giving in. "What's your compromise, honey?"
"I don't think there's a sexy way to say to just put it in me," you said, and his lips curled up into an amused smile, followed by a huff of laughter. 
"No, I don't think there is," he agreed. "I do think anything you say can be sexy, though."
You pulled a face, and you shook your head. "No. Don't say that ever again either."
"I can't compliment you, I can't give you ora—head," he rattled off. "Is there anything good I get out of this?"
"You get to fuck me?" you batted your eyelashes up at him. 
"Such vulgar language," he chastised, ducking his head when a hand of yours rose to swat him. 
Despite himself, his head had dropped to the crook of your neck, and he had begun placing feather like kisses along the skin that distracted you just enough to drop your hand back to the mattress beneath you.
Any other day, and you'd probably still be bickering with him until the minute he made you come. However, three months without even the faintest of touches from him left you overwhelmed with everything he did to you, and so the gentle kisses trailing down to the collar of your shirt were enough to destroy any coherent thoughts you could have. 
Cautiously, and with a touch so delicate, Spencer lifted your — his — shirt up your abdomen, fingertips leaving behind the warmest of trails as they skimmed along your skin. One quiet whine from you was all it took for him to hurry his teasing along, and soon enough your shirt was discarded. 
A quiet, sharp inhale of air was the other sound aside from your quickened breathing, and you felt tears sting your vision as another kiss was placed just below your now exposed collarbone. 
The time without you seemed to weigh nothing in his mind as he took every inch of you in separately, lips mapping out your body like it was the first time all over again, though still knowing exactly when to pause and pay attention to for the sweetest of sounds to be ripped from your throat. 
He liked to hear you. 
Fingers found your waist as his lips kissed down your sternum, then back up and over until they reached your nipple. He spent time on each breast, ignoring your impatient whining as he neglected the rest of you for a few minutes too long (in your opinion).
"Spencer," you scolded, and it was all it took for him to accept you were not in the mood to wait, and for him to decide he wasn't either. 
"Sorry, honey," he replied, voice impossibly soft as he returned his lips to your face, a kiss pressed to the corner of your mouth as his fingers found your shorts again. "Can I take these off?"
"I think we're incredibly out of balance," you replied. And though there wasn't really anything wrong with the sentence — you had certainly said it before — he still pulled back, an unrecognisable grey clouding his eyes. "What?"
"I want to keep my shirt on," was his response, the words inciting confusion to your face. 
"What? Why?"
"Do I need a reason?"
You wanted to scream that yes, he did. But did he? Wordlessly, you shook your head, but it didn't help the pang of worry in your chest. 
"Unless there's something like an embarrassing tattoo, I'm not going to judge you," you decided to say instead. "Did you get an embarrassing tattoo in prison?"
"No," he shook his head, and you were comforted by the amusement in his tone. "I didn't have the best time in prison."
"I know," you replied.
"And I wasn't very liked. By the men in there."
You knew that too, to an extent. You knew the bruises on his face weren't self inflicted. "You're liked by me."
"I know, sweet girl," a heart shatteringly sad smile stretched across his face as a hand lifted to your cheek. "It just isn't very pretty. And I don't want you to worry."
Well, now you were. Regardless, you nodded your head, turning your head to the side so you could kiss the palm of the hand on your face. "I won't worry, then."
"I want to keep my shirt on. Can that please be okay with you?" 
Silently, and after a debate inside your brain, you nodded your head. Gratefully, he pecked your lips once more, before his focus shifted back to you and your body. 
"Shorts. Can I take them off?" he asked, again.
"Yes."
"Thank you."
His fingers collected the fabric of your shorts' waistband, and gently pulled them down your legs, cool air washing over you despite the final leftover article of clothing on your body. You shivered, and you could hear him mumbling nearly incoherent apologies as he kissed your stomach.
"These too?" he then asked, eyes flickering between your face for confirmation, and the pair of underwear you still had residing on your body. You nodded your head, and he pulled them down too.
You do not remember a time ever fearing being naked beneath Spencer Reid's gaze, and that did not change even now, as an arguably different man drank in your entire body, the love he had for you not having wavered despite the passing of time. 
And you certainly did not fear the way one of his hands slid up your leg, seemingly soothingly, until it teetered on the edge of too far up the limb to be innocent, and he was intensely watching your face for every reaction you could possibly make. 
Achingly gently, his middle finger ran up the centre, collecting arousal you hadn't realised was there and knuckle gently bumping your clit, eliciting a quiet mewl from you. You watched him smile at the sound, dragging his finger back down, gathering more of your arousal until he was pushing the finger in.
Your eyes fluttered shut, the feeling oh so familiar, and yet seemingly foreign all at once. Too long, you decided then. Three months is too long.
Leaning back down, his lips brushed your jawline, the otherwise odd sensation of there being something — someone — inside of you balancing out with the pleasure that came from the comfort of it being him. And of course the delicate circles his thumb had begun to draw on your clit. 
"Did you do this while I was in prison?" he asked you, lips moving against your skin. 
"Touch myself?" 
"Mhm."
"Yeah," you said, voice breathless. "Was never good, though."
"No?" he asked, curling his finger inside of you and tugging a louder moan from your throat. "Why not?"
"Just never felt as nice. Not like you."
"Oh. I'm sorry, angel," he murmured, pulling his lips away so he could look at you again. Though, your eyes were still planted shut. "I'll make up for it then, yeah?"
You feverishly nodded your head, and he laughed. Fulfilling his promise, he sped up the motions of his finger and thumb, your hands grabbing ahold of fistfuls of the sheets, in hopes that it will provide some comfort from the overwhelming feeling of Spencer touching you again. 
"Can I add another finger?" he asked, and though slightly hesitant, you nodded your head. 
He waited a beat longer before fulfilling your request, and there was something obscene about how easily another finger entered you. Though, Spencer thought it was pretty, and your back arching was pretty, and yes, he had missed this and he had missed you and he was biting his tongue from telling you that all over again. 
"Spencer," a delicately breathy whine left your lips when the heel of his palm collided with your clit — thumb long forgotten once he had gotten distracted with thrusting fingers in and out of you. 
"Hm?"
Your eyes fluttered open to meet his, the kindest smile on his face reminding you just how much he adored you, and your heart sporadically beat in your chest. When you didn't say anything else, he quickened his ministrations, eliciting more whines and moans.
"Is two orgasms too much for tonight?" he asked you, the question seemingly innocent regardless of both it's undertones, and what he was currently doing to you. 
In hindsight you should've probably said yes. It most certainly would've hurried things along to something he would enjoy as much as you. However, if Spencer Reid fingering you was a religion, you were an eternally loyal follower, and you would do anything to keep him there for as long as you could. 
So you shook your head, murmuring a quiet, "No. I can do two," and allowing him to fasten his fingers once more. 
Fingers found and massaged that spot inside of you he had probably engrained into his brain, and he was leaning down to swallow the loud moan that followed from the feeling. Practiced motions tore the same sounds from your throat as he repeatedly brushed up against it, until your eyes were forced to squeeze shut once more, and hands that were once seeking solace in the sheets, found his wrist and wrapped around it. 
"I can't move if you're going to keep my arm locked up, angel," he said when your nails dug into his wrist, lips smiling against your skin. 
A few short jerks of his hand convinced you to let go of the death grip you had on him, instead returning them to the mattress.
Then he was doing that motion again, and again, and you were silently praying he would never stop. Although, if your moans were any indication to where you were at — and they were — Spencer wouldn't. 
Your hips bucking told him more than he needed to know, and the absence of his body above you when he lay down on the bed next to you was long forgotten when a splayed hand on your abdomen pushed you back down into the mattress, your heart stuttering at the feeling. 
Gentle whines of his name, and a repeated mantra of 'please, please, please' was the only thing your otherwise dismantled brain could come up with, and Spencer was relishing in the knowledge that he was doing this to you. And though it is something he knows he's done before, it had been far too long since and the reminder was always welcome. 
"I know, sweet girl," he said against you when your eyes came open and searched his desperately, walls fluttering around his fingers indicating just how close you were. 
"Please don't stop."
"I won't," he confirmed, punctuating the promise with his thumb returning to your clit. He had your best interest in mind — you knew that. He now wouldn't stop even if you begged him to. 
Overwhelming seemed too insignificant of a word to describe what you felt like when you came, nerve endings all over your body sparking, instead of just the ones he was stimulating. 
His thumb rubbing circles and his fingers thrusting in and out of you didn't falter until your shaking body had stilled and your strings of moans had diminished, slowly coming to a stop and leaving your body — seemingly — as fast as they had entered. 
The content smile on your face was interrupted with Spencer's hand lifting to your lips, and instinctively you parted them, already knowing exactly what he was after. 
His middle and ring fingers entered your mouth, and your face scrunched up despite yourself as you tasted yourself on them. He laughed at that — of course he did — and pulled them out soon after. 
"You do that every time," he murmured, hair tickling your skin as he placed open mouthed kisses over your shoulder, up towards your neck. 
"It tastes weird," you argued, and his teeth nipping your skin told you he disagreed. Though, he wasn't in the mood to argue, for he didn't say anything else on the matter. 
"Still got it in you for one more?" he asked you, pulling his head back so he could see you once again. 
"Yes."
"Good."
Your eyes watched him even as he rolled back to take his pants off, and the awkward smile he gave you provided the inkling of comfort that there was still the man from three months prior in there. 
"I really missed you, you know?" This time it was you saying it, piercing the air as his hand came down between your thighs to part them. The head of his cock nudged against you, brushing delicately through your folds and eliciting a quiet whimper from your lips. 
"I know," he answered, pressing kisses on your shoulder once more. "Are you okay?"
"Me? Yeah. I'm fine," you confirmed with a nod, confusion crossing your features all up until you learned why he was asking. 
A broken moan, choked and caught in your throat, left you when he painstakingly slowly pushed inside of you. There's not a lot going on inside your mind when he stops, your entire body aflame and equally desperate for more, as you were for him to take a moment here. 
"I love you," he breathed out, the words hurried and encouraging your heart to speed up, and your mind to melt even more. 
"I love you too," you said back, voice just as quiet, gently nudging hips ushering for him to move. 
"Impatient girl," he muttered, but you smiled nonetheless because he did (move). 
His thrusts were slow, and gentle, but you never truly minded how much time he took with you once you two were here. Even more so now, for you were on the same page as him, and you wanted to savour every single moment of this down to the second. 
A whimper left your lips, followed closely by the desperate whisper of his name, and lips that were still resting against your shoulder smiled. 
"I thought about this a lot," he said to you, his hand that was holding your thighs slightly open sliding up to find your clit. "I definitely shouldn't have."
"Why?" You knew why, but the thought of hearing him answer it aloud excited you a little. 
Unfortunately, he knew you better than that. "Don't play coy. You know why, honey."
"You're cruel," you huffed, and he laughed, rolling his hips to meet yours, earning another moan. "Maybe I don't."
"Use that wonderful imagination of yours, then," he answered, rubbing your clit at the same time as he moved his hips once more, effortlessly rendering you unable to respond to him again. 
A teenage boy probably could've lasted longer than the both of you, but you decided to blame it all on your already sensitive nerves from a prior orgasm, and the fact that Spencer Reid had not had you like this for over 2190 hours (not that he was counting).
Whimpers escaped your throat as he kept his hips thrusting into you at an achingly slow pace, while his fingers working on your clit did anything but. It was an aching juxtaposition that left you reeling for more, and Spencer was now the one shutting his eyes so he could hold onto some semblance of composure. 
"Spencer," you pleaded, and it was a quiet moan from behind you that told you he was exactly where you were. 
"I know, honey," he replied, the desperation in his voice jumpstarting your heart. "Need to come, yeah?"
"Mmhm," you nodded your head quickly, breathlessly moaning. "Please."
"You're going to. Don't worry. Don't need to beg, sweet girl."
Commingled moans and obscenely wet noises filled the air, and your hips stuttered as your stomach twisted into knots. 
Chanting his name like a prayer, you meet him wherever your two souls go in that moment, and it's a shuddering feeling as you come at the same time as him. For the first time in forever. 
His hand drops back to your thigh and he massages the muscles there gently, willing himself to stop before he crossed the line of overstimulation — not that you think you'd complain about that. 
There was an emptiness when he pulled out, but then he was kissing you again to make up for it, and you were smiling against his lips as you kissed him back. This time, without the fever. 
"How're you feeling?" he asked you, quietly. 
"Happy," you answered, forcing your heavy eyelids open when he pulled back. "How are you feeling?"
"Also happy," he agreed, and your heart soared. 
"Good."
"You need to go pee," he said, placing another kiss on your cheek, before he leaned his body away entirely. 
"Help?"
Arguably, you could do it yourself. Your limbs were tired, yes, and your mind was melting, but you were coherent enough to brave it alone. 
Thankfully, you didn't have to. 
He carried you to the bathroom, running the bath water after you had silently begged him for it with your eyes (looking between him and the empty bath with wide eyes and a jutted lip worked wonders), and leaving you to pee. 
"Are you getting in with me?" you asked him as wobbly legs akin to a fawn carried you over to the now full and steaming bathtub. 
"Do you want me to?"
Hesitantly, you nodded your head, fidgeting with your fingers in front of you. "But you'd have to take your shirt off. So you don't have to."
He studied your face for a moment longer, before he nodded, and fingers expertly worked at unbuttoning down the shirt. 
"I'm okay now. That's the important thing you have to remember, okay?" his words provided little comfort, but you nodded your head regardless. 
You had a suspicion already of what sight you were going to be met with, but it didn't stop the guilt settling into your chest when the shirt fell to the floor anyways. 
"Spence," you murmured, taking a hesitant step forwards, heart falling to your stomach. 
Bruises littered the skin, some fresh and still purple, others nearly healed and yellowing. But there were so many, and it was then that you were swallowing the rest of him in with your eyes, catching the bandage on his thigh. 
"What is that?" you nodded towards the covered wound, and when your eyes returned to his face again, he was staring at you with an unreadable expression. 
"A lot happened," he answered, quietly, before repeating, "I'm okay now."
You nodded your head, tears stinging your vision for nothing more than your ridiculous amount of empathy. "Can you tell me about it?"
"I will," he promised. "Eventually. Just not now, okay? I haven't processed it all yet."
"Okay," you replied, and his heart shattered at the sight of a tear slipping down your face. 
"Hey," he took ahold of your hand and tugged you closer to him, fingers running through your hair and resting at the base of your scalp. "I promise, honey. I'm not going to disintegrate from a few bruises."
"It isn't just a few," you answered, voice wavering. "There's so many."
"You have a heart too big for your chest," he decided to say instead, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours. "Most of them don't even hurt now. Please believe me when I say I'm okay."
"I'm trying," your voice is thick with a sob caught in your throat. "I think I'm just really tired."
"Yeah," he crooned, agreeing. "Your body's released a lot of prolactin, which encourages sleep. Alongside the endorphins and dopamine that you're crashing from upon seeing this."
Wordlessly, you nodded your head, and he kissed the tip of your nose in an attempt to comfort. 
"Bath, then we can sleep, and we can talk more in the morning," he listed off, and you merely nodded your head once more, sniffling and wiping your eyes. 
"Okay."
your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡
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wosoluver · 3 days
Text
Oh, baby
Georgia Stanway x reader.
I know nothing about giving birth so bare with me. Also please don't kill me for the plot changes, Hope you like it!
Other players masterlist
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──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
"Fuck!" you said feeling the warm liquid run down your legs. "No, no, no." You were staying over at her parents' house. Tomorrow would be the final match at the 2023 world cup and you would be gathered to watch the game there.
"Jo! We need to go, my water just broke!" you said grabbing her mother's attention. Her dad had gone to Australia to support her, but her mom refused leaving you, pregnant and alone. And you thanked the universe. You were 36 weeks, you were to give birth only next month. You had been feeling small contractions, that were apparently normal in the third trimester.
That was the only reason Georgia agreed to go.
A million thoughts went through your mind. Would the baby be okay? Would they have to do a C-section?
Would your fiancé be okay, knowing she missed the moment se was waiting so excited for? Were you even ready for this?
You started to cry immediately.
"Don't worry love, I'm calling her as soon as you're in the hospital."
"No please! You can't! You know her!" you said followed by a scream when you felt the sharp pain of a contraction hit you. "Please, please wait as much as we can. This is important for her, she needs to be a hundred percent focused."
"But seeing her daughter's birth is too..."
"I know but even if she knows, she'll won't get here in time. Please."
She only nodded agreeing with you. And you asked her to call your parents instead.
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
While you walked around the room, preparing yourself for the ride ahead, in attempt to stay sound, you thought about what had led you here.
You and Georgia had been together for almost six years.
You had met at Man City, both came from a small town and were around the same age, sharing the dream to become big players.
You started dating, and your relationship went through a lot.
You endured for years a long distance relationship, when you moved away to play in Spain and she stayed back in Manchester.
A couple of seasons later you transferred to Bayern, where your girlfriend soon followed suit.
And you both finally managed to start your life together.
She didn't want to wait any longer, all that time had been enough.
From living together to her proposing, life felt like pure bliss.
And after the 2022 euro's title, you felt like it was the right time to have a pause on your career.
It wasn't an easy decision, since the World Cup was around the corner.
But differently from your teammates, you now had a bigger dream, Georgia fully supported you, she herself had always wanted to be a mother.
You didn't expect for it to work so soon.
Along with the risks the doctors had told you, it could take more than one try.
Fortunately the whole pregnancy had been very healthy, and nothing gave you any reason to think something like this could happen.
You questioned yourself if you were doing the right thing, by not updating her on the matter.
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
Georgia's head was buzzing, Spain was winning by a goal. England had slightly recovered at the end of first half, but it wasn't enough.
She sat on the locker room, trying to cool down, zoning out a bit. All she could think of was winning this, to come home as a champion. For her girls.
She could have never imagined you had been in the hospital for the last couple of hours, let alone giving birth. So she didn't bother to look for her phone.
And before she knew, she was walking back to the field for the second half.
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
"Just one more push, yeah?"
And you did as a loud cry filled the room. And they placed her right on your chest.
You felt like you could pass out from how tired you were.
But you couldn't, yet.
"You did great darling." her mom cooed you in between tears.
"Is the game over yet?"
"Yes, they won second place." she handed your phone over.
You cried hard a the sound of that. She had been deprived of being champion and seeing her daughter's first moments in the same day, at the same time. You tried to recompose yourself while you pressed to facetime her.
ongoing call...
"Hey love, what took you so lon-" she managed to get out before shutting up at the realization. A big smile appearing in her tear stained face. "She's beautiful."
before she could say anything else, Lucy, who was prying at the video call, loudly announced to everyone.
"The baby is here!" and you could hear the girls cheering loudly. Running to try and congratulate you.
"You guys are so loud, geez." your soon to be wife said after a few moments, walking to a more private place, so you both could talk.
"I am so sorry." you said eyes filled with tears.
"We couldn't have known." she said giving you a reassuring smile. "I was going to show you this baby here," showing her silver medal at the camera. "But it seems like you're already holding our baby right there."
And for over ten minutes you two sat quietly, just admiring the angel you had brought into the world.
"Is she okay? I mean she clearly looks like it, but since she's early..."
"Better than expected actually. They said she's around 6.30 lbs and over 19 inches. Pretty big for a preterm. They'll run some tests in the morning, just to be sure." you said letting out a yawn.
"You need to get some sleep. And I'm getting on the first plane home."
"I love you, and I'm so proud of you."
"Oh baby, I'm the one who's proud. I love you. Both of you."
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
Maybe another part with G meeting baby Talia?
like & share pls!
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paigesfuturewifey · 2 days
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authors note! IM SORRY FOR BEING MIA college was kicking my ass (still is) and i’m trying my hardest not to crash out but here is an angsty fic :D
this is also heavily inspired by she wouldn’t be gone by blake shelton IK IK country music sue me it is unfortunately part of my roots so yes here she is
“i’m sick of this caitlin!”
you two had been going back and forth for a while about this, both too stubborn to admit who was in the right and who was in the wrong.
it’d been two months since caitlin went first pick in the wnba draft. two months of caitlin continuously forgetting about your date nights, two months of caitlin lagging hours on end and then eventually responding to your messages with one word replies, two months of wondering if caitlin would be home from practice at a decent hour or if you’d go to sleep in a cold, empty bed.
two. fucking. months.
of course, you understood the fact that caitlin’s job required almost all of her undivided attention and you were extremely proud of her and all her accomplishments.
but being second priority to her job was taking a toll on your mental health.
you were tired of being alone all the time. the sacrifices you made, picking up everything and moving to indiana with caitlin to be with her, felt pretty fruitless when you had barely seen her in your own apartment.
caitlin’s response came low at first as she rubbed her temples, “what do you want me to do?” and then she repeated it louder, throwing her arms up in frustration, “what do you want me to do?!”
“i want you to be here! you’re never here anymore, caitlin! i’m alone ALL THE TIME now!”
“that’s not fair. i’m doing this for us! for— for you!”
you shook your head, pointing an accusatory finger at her. “no. no. not for me. this is what you wanted! you wanted this! i didn’t—“
“i didn’t ask you to move to indiana with me!”
the statement felt like a slap to the face. caitlin, of all people, knew how hard of a decision it was to move to indiana. to be away from your family. your sister, your parents.
caitlin never pressured you into it, of course. she was insistent that if you had decided to stay in iowa, you’d make long distance work. but when you ultimately decided to stay with, whom you thought was the love of your life, caitlin couldn’t of been more happier.
the two of your popped a bottle of champagne in celebration and spent the night talking, laughing, planning your futures together.
a bittersweet memory that seemed so distant at the moment.
as you narrowed your eyes, you felt a tear roll down your cheek, followed by three or two more. “you know what, caitlin? you’re right. you didn’t ask. but it was a sacrifice i was willing to make for you!”
“you’re not the only one making sacrifices—“
the mere start of the sentence had you letting out a laugh, putting your hands behind your head as you paced back and forth. “you’re not listening.”
“i am listening—“
“no! you’re hearing me but you’re not listening to me!”
silence fell upon the two of you, both contemplating your next words because you both knew you guys were pretty close to crossing lines that couldn’t be uncrossed.
you placed your hands on the counter, leaning on it while hanging your head low, letting the tears drop onto the floor. “i can’t do this anymore,” you finally let out in a small whisper, but it hit caitlin in the gut. “i don’t want a life where i spend more time waiting for you than being with you.”
“you don’t mean that. please baby, stop.” caitlin’s warm hands were suddenly around your waist, leaning her head on your shoulder and kissing softly. “let’s just go to bed, yeah? i promise, i promise things will be different, okay? i’ll make more of an effort. i’ll try and get home on time for dinner. i know things aren’t easy right now, but i can’t lose you. we’ll figure it out, i’ll— i’ll try harder. okay?”
but even when those words eased your mind a little, you both knew the promise wouldn’t be kept.
so it wasn’t really a shock to you when you sat at the dinner table, candles lit and your meal sitting in front of you with the empty chair across from you.
you cooked caitlin’s favorite meal, wore her favorite set underneath your clothes that was her favorite color. you looked at the clock, and when it read 10:30, you scoffed.
you were fed up. you were well over your boiling point.
and, so, when caitlin entered your guys’ apartment at midnight, her heart ached a little at the sight of your untouched meals at the table, and candle she assumed was lit at one point.
she rubbed a hand over her face, quickly walking to your shared room. then she froze in her spot.
your side of the room was empty. from your nightstand being stripped of its decorations, to your side of the closet being completely empty.
the suitcases you used for when you guys planned vacations were gone. along her your toothbrush, makeup, hair products, basically everything that made your shared apartment shared was gone.
caitlin wasted no time picking up her phone and clicking your contact, holding the phone to her ear. she anxiously waited, suddenly feeling as if her whole life was falling apart.
voicemail. she tried seven more times. all went straight to voicemail.
her mind immediately went straight to denial, there was no way you picked up and left, right? you always said you would, but caitlin never believed you. never truly believed you.
or maybe she just didn’t listen to you.
she snatched her keys from the table, leaving the apartment and shutting the door loudly behind her. she bet all her money that her neighbors hated her.
that’s how she ended up in her car, speeding down the highway on a rainy night, frantically calling all of your shared friends.
she started with your mom, driving down the road at 90 miles an hour and switching lanes like an absolute maniac. she’d gotten honked at at least four times already.
“caitlin.” your mom greeted, though judging by her cold and and distant tone, and her use of caitlin’s full name instead of cait, caitlin could tell the news had no doubt got back to her.
“do you know where she is, mrs. l/n?” her question came right off the bat, figuring she had no time to waste in finding you.
your mom’s answer was quiet. and caitlin learned your families habits quickly enough to know that when she went quiet, she was lying. “please—“
“i’m afraid i can’t speak with you now, goodbye caitlin.”
then the line went dead.
with her left hand on the steering wheel, she punched the middle with her right and threw her head back.
her next call was kate because you three all had been very close throughout your iowa college years. kate always understood you in a way that made caitlin jealous.
and for a while, she she was a topic of argument in your relationship because caitlin constantly needed reassurance that she was the one you wanted.
there was clearly a rift in caitlin and kate’s friendship after, but after the move to indiana, they seemed to be mending their friendship. until now.
kate answered on the first ring with a hard question. “what’d you do, clark?”
“kate, i— i fucked up. she’s gone. i don’t know where she went. her stuff’s gone, her clothes are gone, she’s gone.”
“damn it, caitlin. you always do this shit— you drove her away, again.“
“do you know where she is?” caitlin demanded, arriving to her first destination.
“no.”
“you’re lying.”
“no i’m not—“
“i should’ve figured you wouldn’t help me find her. you’ve always been pathetically in love with her, ever since college.” caitlin scoffed out bitterly.
“caitlin—“
“know what? no. you’ve always been on her side, since day one. i can’t even do this right now—“
“you’re frustrated with yourself, about driving y/n away, so your picking a fight with me.” kate spoke calmly, fueling caitlin’s anger.
“don’t fucking psycho analyze me, right now martin.” with that she abruptly ended the call, getting out of the car and walking into the ice cream shop the both of you loved dearly.
after that, she went to your favorite coffee shop, after that, nalyssa’s apartment, then aliyah’s, then the hotel near your apartment.
she held her face in her hands, finally letting the sobs ripple through her. she suddenly realized how under appreciated your voice was. she was forgetting how sweet it was, how beautiful it was when you hummed her to sleep.
she was forgetting your voice already.
and she realized that she should’ve fought harder. should’ve told you how much she loved you, cherished you, needed you.
maybe, just maybe, if she had done that, you wouldn’t be gone.
safe to say caitlin didn’t find you that night, and no one told her where you might’ve went.
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ghostykapi · 23 hours
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three against me (the trio's love)
misamo & fem!reader // college au
thank you for @cry4mina for the misamo pictures and for being delulu with me about misamo <3 MISAMOOO
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when you said you wanted your college life to be eventful
you didn't expect the universe throwing you three girlfriends, each with their own side of how they got you locked with them
it starts during the first semester of your 3rd year, when you were in a small cafe, getting to a headstart in your pile of homework
it's perfect, a iced coffee by your side, three readings beside you, your laptop on the coffee table in front of you and phone silenced, muting whatever the onslaught of messages nayeon is sending that you can't even be bothered to check
you needed this, you couldn't handled anymore 'dubchaeng babysitting!' when the duo would just make your head hurt with the amount of crazy ideas they had. the change of pace for the day is much welcome, especially knowing that jeongyeon took over with the lure of seeing a band a cafe next university over
it's nice, you can feel like you are in control for even just for a bit
then the cafe's noise dies down when the door chimes
it's too silent
fuck.
you brace yourself at the trio, who’s presence can make the entire student populous go on their knees. the mere whisper of their little group brings the entire college either trembling
misamo.
you can feel her gaze land on you, despite the only indication that it is one of them without looking is the whispers within the cafe. even the baristas know them
hirai momo. softball player, the star athlete that brings medals and more recognition to your university. average grades, stellar performance when she steps on the field and can land a nasty punch
with each step you hear her take, the more you have to remind yourself not to look. you can hear her giggles and the way your heartbeat is now in your ears
minatozaki sana. influencer and model, the unspoken leader of their group. through her bubbly and charming personality, she uses her wit to become the face of the university. part of the top 10% of the whole university, the inspiration to study hard and diligently
you feel a hand on your shoulder, the firm grasp rendering you unable to move, yet it's how you know who it is. she hums in delight at your sharp intake of breath, knowing that you don't need anything else to tell her apart
myoui mina. rising entrepreneur of 3 different business ventures, the deadliest one from the trio. always calculating, always 10 steps ahead of her peers and competitors. sweet, kind, and demur, she brings class to whatever she does
that includes sitting beside you, her bag gently landing on the table, your proximity leaves the others questioning your relationship, but all you know is that you must have done something at your shared class with her yesterday for her too approach you
"i hope you don't mind" she starts, eyes confident and you want to scream and cry because she's wearing a suit. typically worn when she's fresh from visiting one of her businesses. "i heard you were well versed in code"
"programming is my major yes" you keep your voice leveled, after all, being a woman in such a male dominated course has made you what your flock of admirers say, freezingly cold.
"i have a proposition for you" mina starts, keeping a dangerous game of who can keep the eye contact going "you help me with homeworks and projects while i give you money per assessment made"
while mina has a fair share of students that matched her energy, something in your gaze makes her crack a bit
"what makes you think i'll say yes?"
"you can't say no to me"
"yes i can. here watch i'll say it"
and mina can't deny it when she feels her heart start to race when you get closer to her. faces barely a few inches apart
"i don't do things for money. so no"
and you pull back, ready to put back to attention to your homework when mina speaks up
"every time you have to help me i'll pay you in food"
oh goodness free food
"ok i'm in" you hum, hands typing away on your laptop "we start in two days, send me an address and i'll met you there myoui. now shoo, i have to catch up to my work"
she stares at you with a blank gaze, but inside she's dumbfounded at your boldness
nevertheless, she stands up to leave you be, but before she's out of earshot, she says something you don't quite catch
"what?" you ask
"you should call me mina. myoui is too professional even for my taste dear"
three days later, it's momo who bugs you after your morning class
she slips up right beside you, the lack of dress code in the university gives momo a chance to wear a body hugging pink dress, something that makes everyone go crazy. what you don't like is how every guy is looking at her in ways you want to pluck their eyes out
filthy bastards don't deserve to gaze at her at all
"momo" your ears are red because everyone can clearly see you both in the halls, her arm around your waist as you slowly walk to the next building for your next class "what are you doing?"
"accompanying you to class" momo won't admit it, but ever since mina said you were, in her words, 'pretty and sufficient', she had to see you
"why?" you ask, glaring at every man who's looking at her too creepily, making them scurry away
"just because, plus our classrooms are right beside each other" she relaxes more with each less man in the hall, you notice it
"fine" you huff, and before she can even say anything else, you remove your jacket, giving it to her "wear this for today, i don't want any man to look at you. you're too gorgeous for them"
the rest of the walk is silent on the way to both of your classrooms. only thing you can hear is the squeak of every sneaker from each man running way and the whispers in between students
it's the most peaceful walk momo has had since becoming star athlete
so when you wave at her from the door before disappearing to go to the classroom beside her's, she feels like she can breath without panicking
she hates taking anything math related, but she might bare it more when she knows your beside her classroom
she's hooked
later that afternoon, while you lounge around the student council office sipping a red bull, someone barges in, scaring your team who's having a heated debate on who should the rest of the papers
"fucking jesus who the fuck-" ryujin is silenced from who she sees at the door
minatozaki sana, the ever persistent and one of the most notable member under the team of the president.
"someone sent you flowers?"
not a question you were expecting, even your team is gawking at her
dressed to perfection, you can't catch her in a regular outfit at any point, which is kind of ridiculous. sana doesn't care, always styled like she's going to a fashion week in europe. today she's wearing that white dress that she just wore in her feature in some magazine
what is it with the trio and wearing designer clothing every time they are at university grounds? specifically when they are within your eyesight
"pardon?" you know the amount of admires that still try despite cold rejection, even hailing from different courses. hell you think someone from the university over sent you chocolates once, you gave it to your team though
"did you accept some stupid boy's flowers?" sana repeats, anger in her eyes, an emotion she barely shows, and possessiveness in her body language, something you see glimpses of when someone gets close to mina and momo that she doesn't approve of
"minatozaki you know i don't do that" you say calmly, your team in awe at how you keep a calm attitude "if the suitor doesn't have the guts to face me, then they do not deserve my limited time"
"then you'll entertain if i do right?"
you can hear felix and lily choke over their pizza behind you
"you are not serious" you look at her like she's crazy (she loves being called that, you learn from mina later on)
she gets closer to you, faces barely an inch apart, any slip up from her leaning way to closer over your table and she can just kiss you
"try me, i'll see you at tomorrow's meeting miss vice-president"
when she leaves the office, it takes you and your team a total of 5 minutes to recover
"jesus what the fuck was that"
"ryujin shut up, go back to bickering with lia"
no one has ever said no to the trio
maybe a few people had
they're just not as pretty, charming and confident as you
maybe that's why mina keeps sitting beside you during your shared programming class even oustide 'tutor' hours, why momo's insistent at being beside you in between periods to carry your items on days your classes line up, and why sana shows up in every weekly meeting with an expensive gift or a trinket, challenging each suitor head on.
women like them are gonna be the death of you
"you have some crazy women that like you" jihyo jests beside you, giggling at how sana is glaring daggers at how close you both are. you both are now taking a break along with the rest of the internal team to finalize some papers
"yeah well" you don't like to admit it, but ever since their persistence to always either be near you, you have been starting to crack bit by bit "can't really escape them y'know"
"i think you would look cute with them" jihyo hums, swinging her pen between her fingers, making someone across the table keep her stare at the president "misamo and their girlfriend who sucks ass at karaoke"
"ok that was one time" you huff, jihyo's snickering makes sana look up from her phone, jaw tensing up at how close jihyo is "clearly i let you win because you liked it when tzuyu said she's treat you out if you win right?"
that shuts her up. the said tall woman is at the other side of the room, watching the president's face get red, wondering what you just said to make her like this
"get back to work" jihyo then shoos you away, your laughter making jihyo flip you off before returning to work for herself
before you cam even return to work, your eyes meet sana's, her expression unreadable. you wonder what she's thinking of
you look away, a light blush on your cheeks from her intense stare, busying yourself once more with the papers
to sana, witnessing your smile and laughter rewires her brain, heart pleading with her to speed up whatever this stage the three of them are in. each day that passes drives the three of them crazy
mina is messing up in her calculations, momo is missing her shots and sana is losing her composure on the daily
she needs you. they need you.
when sana heads home that night she keeps thinking about you. even when she lets her girlfriends debate what their late night dinner should be (mina wants tacos, momo is craving for some pasta). she blurts out in the middle of it
"do you think y/n would say yes if we offered her sushi as a late night dinner?"
the two stop at their bickering to look at sana, who's eyes are begging for the next move. she's getting itchy and desperate to make it
"satang" mina reaches out to her, letting sana wrap her arms around her waist as momo hugs them both "did something happen?"
"it's just" sana doesn't even try to hide it at this point, knowing that the three of them are nearing their breaking point "i saw her laugh today and it really made me think that 'i want to make her laugh with us' and i-i don't know but it has been driving me mad"
mina hums in understanding and momo speaks up, ready to take that push
"then let's go"
staying late even after meetings is normal for you to catch up with the papers, but for the past few days, you have been staying late in the office to busy your thoughts
mina hasn't been looking at you in the eye or been acknowledging you
momo hasn't been accompanying you to class
sana hasn't shown up to a single meeting this past two weeks
trying to silence your head, you decided to throw yourself into your extra curriculars every night. this night, you are working alone, the only sounds that you can hear are your aggressive typing on your poor keyboard, the music coming from your small speaker and the voices in your head making your heart ache
and now a knock and the door swinging open
"if you have any concerns please drop them by our social media accounts, email, or even the drop box by the-"
you stop your next words when you look up
mina.
you want to curse at the woman, for deliberately avoiding you. it was worse with her, because at least with the two you didn't have the urge to scream because they simply did not show up.
momo.
even clad in that handsome suit, she's still wearing that jacket you handed over to her. devastatingly handsome and gorgeous, you wonder why did she have to leave you wondering in the noisy university halls
sana.
meetings are still the same, but jihyo keeps on asking why your eyes have been straying, always going back to the door. waiting for that laugh to annoy you, waiting for a snarky remark to any stupid men flirting with you, waiting for anything from her
you really want to throw a chair at them for just showing up now and pissing you off
you don't though, because you missed them
each in their own suit, each with their own gift, each one with a nervous smile that no one will ever see, each one wearing their hearts up their sleeves, and each with the same question you didn't know you wanted to hear until now
"we like you. would you like to go out with us? dinner tomorrow night, our treat"
you can't say no
"you guys are horrible at courting. pick me up at 7"
bonus:
in every first date you've been on, you never come over to your dates home. that changes and ends with them
"hirai" you're trying to keep your breath stable as her hands are playing your hair. eyes hazy, but clearly on you, her self control out the door, just like yours
"myoui" she's behind you, her hands on your waist, murmuring what she's been thinking about for the past days. it's all you, and it makes you melt
"minatozaki" you let her kiss you, silencing your worries and doubts, silencing anything that makes you question them. the heart finally getting what it wants
"you my love, deserve to be ours"
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Note
Bucky is the heir to a large mafia empire. He’s worked his way through the ranks and has accumulated a significant amount of financial wealth in the process. His childhood best friend (whom he’s had a crush on for years on end) from his (their shared) humble beginnings never lets him spoil her in any capacity, no matter how much he tries to explain that it doesn’t truly make a dent in his fortune.
Bucky hires a bodyguard for her, and it takes her a while to catch onto it. When she does, she’s livid. How dare he insinuate that she can’t protect and defend herself?
He explains that he’s not protecting her, he’s protecting his biggest weakness.
She’s not weak, how could she be a weakness to him?
His enemies know that there is absolutely nothing that he wouldn’t do for her. Again, she’s not a weakness, she’s not a weak person— she’s Bucky’s weakness, and not how she thinks.
She accepts his reasoning (begrudgingly) and facetiously asks him if he wants to get married so they can’t be forced to testify against each other in court.
He says “yes” so quickly that she finally realizes that her feelings have been reciprocated the entire time.
Mob!AU with a childhood best friends-to-lovers appetizer and an idiots-to-lovers side dish (yum 😏)
Protect Myself » Bucky Barnes (AU)
Pairings: Mafia Boss/Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Best Friend!Female Reader
Summary: You get mad when you find out bucky has hired a bodyguard to help protect you. You make it very clear to him that you can protect yourself. The conversation takes an interesting and unexpected turn.
Warnings: Fluff, language, Best Friends to Lovers/Idiots In Love, Bucky is a big softie in this, kissing, pet names
A/N: Thank you to the lovely anonymous person who requested this🩵
Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.
Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier
GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creator.
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You stormed into Bucky’s mansion full of angry without knocking. You were stopped by one of his security guards.
“Ma’am.” The security guard stepped in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. “You need an appointment to see Mr. Barnes.” He tells you.
“I don’t need an appointment to see my own best friend.” You say.
You tried to walk past him, but he stopped you by grabbing your arm.
“Get your fucking hands off of me!” You say loudly.
Bucky heard the sound of your voice from his office all the way upstairs. He stood up from his desk and walked out of his office. He went downstairs to see you with his security guard’s hand on you.
“Take your hands off of her.” Bucky demands to his security guard.
“Sir, she-” His security guard stopped talking when he seen a look on Bucky’s face that he knows all too well.
His security guard let go of you. You glared at him before walking past him to get to Bucky.
“Go upstairs to my bedroom and I’ll be there in a minute.” Bucky says.
You nodded and went to his bedroom. Bucky looked at his security guard.
“Y/N is welcome here anytime.” He tells him. “And never, I mean never, put your hands on her again or you’re fired. Do you understand?” He says.
“I understand, sir. It won’t happen again.” The security guard says.
Bucky told him to go back to work before going upstairs to his bedroom where you are. He closed the door behind him.
“Sit down.” You demanded, pointing at the bed.
Bucky didn’t say a word and sat down on his bed.
“You and I have been best friends for years and I want to know what was going through your mind when you hired a bodyguard for me.” You say.
“To protect you.” He simply says.
“I can protect myself, James.” You say.
Bucky knows you can protect yourself. He didn’t hire the bodyguard to protect you. Well, he did, but he did it for a different reason.
“I know you can protect yourself.” He says.
“Then explains why you hired a bodyguard for me.” You say, crossing your arms over your chest.
“For a weakness.” He says.
“What weakness?” You asked. “I’m not weak.” You say.
You’re the strongest woman bucky knows. He knows you’re not weak.
“My weakness.” He said. “You’re my weakness.” He says.
“What?” You asked.
“You’re my weakness.” He repeats. “I have a lot of enemies and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He explains.
Now you feel bad for yelling and throwing accusations at him. Bucky was always protective of you, even as kids. You should’ve know that right away, but didn’t think about it.
“If one of them got their hands on you somehow, I would be out for blood.” He says.
There it is… his soft side. Bucky is only a softie for you. He may be a big badass mafia boss to everyone, but deep down he’s just a big softie who has a crush on his best friend who he’s known all of his life.
“What are you trying to say, Bucky?” You asked.
“I love you.” Bucky blurted out. “That’s why I hired a bodyguard for you.” He says.
Your eyes went wide in surprise. James Buchanan Barnes, your best friend and a badass mafia boss, is in love with you.
“So…” You mused at the thought in your head for a moment. “Do you want to get married?” You asked facetiously.
“Yes.” Bucky answers too fast.
You opened your mouth and then closed it. You didn’t expect Bucky to say yes that fast.
Bucky reaches over to his nightstand and opened the drawer, grabbing a small velvet box. Your eyes went wide again and your mouth fell open, already knowing what’s in that small box.
“Question is…” Bucky got down on one knee and opened the small velvet box, revealing the most beautiful diamond ring you’ve ever seen. “Do you want to get married?” He asks.
You were speechless. You didn’t know what to say. What you do know is that you would be lying if you said you didn’t love him.
“Bucky, I-” You were too speechless to say anything. “What about our friendship?” You asked.
“That’s the beauty of marriage, sweetheart. We’ll still be best friends no matter what.” He says with a smile.
You stared at the diamond ring for a moment longer before answering his question.
“Yes!” You finally answered. “I’ll marry you.” You say with a smile.
Bucky smiles widely and put the ring on your ring finger. He stood up straight and kissed you passionately.
“I get to choose our honeymoon destination.” You say against his lips.
“I’m completely fine with that as long as I’m with you.” He says, kissing you again.
🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
-Bucky’s Doll
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maniculum · 3 days
Text
Perlesvaus (Evans translation)
So I'm taking another stab at reading the Sebastian Evans translation of Perlesvaus, for... reasons. Or the High History of the Holy Graal, as he titles it -- funnily enough, the people who put out this reprint apparently looked at the title, said "we're not doing that", and spelt it Grail on the cover.
Despite the bizarre choices in diction, it's still pretty fun, and I want to share some particularly entertaining bits of this text with y'all. (For those of you who aren't up on the two different translations of Perlesvaus and don't know what I mean by "bizarre choices", the Evans translation is from 1898 but pretending to be from, like, 1498.)
N.B.: Marginal notes in red are from the last time I tried this -- they stop showing up roughly a quarter of the way through the book, because that's when I decided to buy the Bryant translation instead.
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I just find this funny because "who cares?" strikes me as such a modern thing to say. To me it is a phrase that seems most natural coming from a teenage character in late-20th-century media. But nope. "Who careth?"
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This is here just for the bizarre scene. We have three women coming into the throne room (riding mules directly into the building, by the way). One is carrying a severed head decorated with silver and gold. Another has "a pack trussed behind her with a brachet thereupon" -- you can see from the notes that I had to look up "brachet", found out it was an old word meaning roughly "female scent-hound", and then had the mental image of this woman carrying around a beagle in a baby-bjorn.
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Again something I find funny. Gawain just leaping through the air to interpose himself between the horses and this hermit, like he's trying to take a bullet for them. This is entirely because he is 100% certain the hermit will handle the saddles incorrectly, and when the hermit assures him he actually does know how this stuff works, Gawain calms down & lets him do it.
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This is, for my money, one of the funniest things in all of Perlesvaus, which is saying something because it is a bonkers text. This lady rolls up and provides that description, and the hermit recognizes who she's talking about. Like, "oh yes I did see a knight with a heart of steel and the navel of a virgin". I want to give this description to a sketch artist. (I kind of want to throw it at an AI just to see what it comes up with, but you know. I don't want to encourage the machines.)
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This time I'm nit-picking the translation, because that strikes me as a misplaced modifier. Obviously it's meant that Gawain is unaware of events, but the sentence is constructed to make it sound like it's referring to the building itself, which is of course unaware because it's a building and isn't aware of anything. (Also, side note, I like the phrase "as methinketh!")
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One more, and I'm leaving this for now...
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Here is a case where I was going to complain, but on further examination, I must hand it to Evans. I assumed that he was just randomly archaizing, but I looked it up after uploading this photo, and according to the OED, this was a valid alternate spelling of sovereign from the 17th to the 19th century. (Interestingly, the latest attested example on the OED is from 11 years before this translation was published, meaning this is evidence it was in use slightly longer than the OED entry would suggest -- does anyone know if there's still a way to submit instances of a word to the OED?)
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pitchsidestories · 17 hours
Text
cause you know I love the players and you love the game II Alexia Putellas x Reader
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masterlist I word count: 1181
a/n: thank you anon for sending us this prompt, we hope you readers enjoy the short oneshot. ❤️
warnings: 18 + smut
It was in the middle of an important game for Barcelona, the last minutes of the second half were on and there was still no goal in sight until this moment.
Emotions ran high between fans and players alike when you’re fouled by an opposing defender in the penalty area.
For a moment the pain was overwhelming, you could feel your girlfriends worried gaze on you as you slowly got to your feet again.
Meanwhile the referee has pointed to the penalty kick, Alexia was readying herself to fulfil her captain duties, but you held her back with your less hurting arm. There was a fire in your stomach which gave you the belief that you’d be able to score.
“Amor, let me do the penalty kick.”,
“What? You?”, she raised her eyebrows surprised.
“Yes, come on move over, Ale.”, you told her unimpressed.
“No.”, Alexia shook her head determined.
“Alexia.”, you replied impatiently.
“You know what you’re doing?”, your girlfriend sighed.
“Of course I do.”, certainty shimmering through your words.
“Make sure you hit it with enough power. To the left, it’s the goalies weak side.”, the blonde advised you.
She knew you were unstoppable when you were in the mood you were in. Her trust was rewarded with you converting the penalty kick. Immediately your teammates gathered around for a group hug.
“Not bad.”, Alexia commented nonchalantly.
“Told you so.”, you grinned triumphantly at her as you started running next to each other, there was still a bit of time to play in the game.
During an injury break she whispered into your ear, her voice being raspy from the match sending pleasant shivers down your spine.
“I still hate being told what to do. Except in the bedroom but that’s a different story.”
“Oh, you do, huh? I’ll keep that in mind tonight.”, you answered in a teasingly tone.
“Girls, we’ve children on the pitch please keep that in mind.”, Marta intervened chuckling.
“I’m 18 now that means I’m an adult, Marta.”, Vicky protested.  
“How did you even hear this?”, Alexia asked the older teammate.
“That’s my secret.”, she winked conspiratorial.
“Anyways. We still have some more minutes to play.”, the blonde reminded everyone.
“Yes, let’s keep focused and not think about tonight.”, you agreed smiling when you noticed your girlfriend shudder at the hinting of later. Tonight sounded like a promise to her.
“Yes, come on, girls.”, she nervously redid her ponytail.
“What did you say to our capi?”, Ona wanted to know curiously after the final whistle.
“Oh, nothing just what we’ll have for dinner.”, you shrugged laughing.
“Alright. I understand.”, the younger defender exchanged a knowing look between you.
Alexia raised her eyebrows and echoed: “Dinner?“
You shrugged with an innocent smile: “Yes, you looked very hungry.“
“I am in fact.“, she winked, playing along.
“Don’t worry, we’ll satisfy your hunger later.“, you laughed and got back into position.
You watched Alexia bite down on her lower lip: “Can’t wait.“
Stifling a laugh, you tried to focus back on the game without thinking too hard about the flirty sound of Alexias voice.
For the first time, you couldn’t wait for the referee to finally blow her whistle and end the game.
Ever since your girlfriend started teasing you mid-game, you felt this pulling sensation in your lower half. Maybe Alexia wasn’t the only one that needed to satisfy a craving.
You walked the perimeter of the football pitch, applauding and thanking the fans for their support when all you wanted to do was go home.
Alexia caught up with you, finally done with signing jerseys and taking selfies.
“Ready to go home?“, you asked.
She nodded, tired but happy: “Very ready.“
“Bye, girls.“, you waved to your teammates who slowly got ready to leave the stadium as well.
Ona gave you a meaningful smile and plainly said: “Enjoy.“
“Thanks.“, you grinned at her before turning to your girlfriend. She was already busy waving to the crowds again. “Come on, Ale.“
“Coming. Goodbye, Mapi.“
“Bye, girls.“, the defender waved with the arm she didn’t have around Ingrid.
You have never been more grateful that Alexia only lived a few minutes away from the stadium. When you finally reached her doorstep, you let out a sigh: “Home.“
“Finally.“, your girlfriend agreed as she unlocked the door and let you go inside first.
You smirked, dropping your bag on the floor and slipped out of your shoes: “Someone’s impatient.“
She didn’t deny it. Instead she flung the door closed and bridged the gap between the two of you, pushing you up against the wall.
“I think I waited long enough.“, she murmured into your ear. Her breath was hot against your skin, her hands trying to find their way under your shirt.
You bit back a moan and gently pushed her away: “Go to the bedroom. I’ll be coming soon.“
The suggestive nature of the last sentence wasn’t lost on you.
Alexia obediently followed your instruction. She was already in her underwear when you rejoined her in her bedroom.
And she hadn’t gained any more patience. She continued where you had left off.
Putting her lips on yours, she pushed you backwards onto her bed with such force that you bounced on the mattress.
You laughed as she kneeled over you, her lips exploring your body, leaving sweet kisses all over your naked skin. Her hands cupped your breasts, drawing small circles with her thumbs.
Every touch filled you with more anticipation. You arched your back, making sure she didn’t take too much time, making sure she knew that you couldn’t wait any longer.
Finally, she moved her hand between your thighs. First, slowly rubbing before she slipped her long fingers inside, curling them extremely effectively.
It didn’t take long until you sighed in blissful relief.
You had gotten what you craved. About time to satisfy Alexias hunger next.
Unlike her you knew you’d take your time with her. First you let your gaze wander at the midfielder’s sight in front of you after you helped her slipping out of the sports bra. She was looking back at you with almost a bit of a shyness biting her lips. A slight blush was creeping on her high cheekbones.
“Don’t let me wait for too long.”, Alexia whispered as you made your way from kissing her mouth to the vein on to her neck to her collarbone, while she shivered pleasantly under your touches.
“Where do you want me to touch you?”, you asked innocently.
The blonde replied with an eyeroll which could only be read as are you serious you know the answer to it.
Despite her impatience you continued your trail of kisses through her body until you reached her pants which you took off in one move, it was already a bit wet.
Softly you parted her legs before you used your mouth to lick first slowly than faster till you heard her moan from pleasure.
The different story had unfolded right here in the bed sheets and you both wouldn’t have it any other way.
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sunny44 · 3 days
Text
No expectations
Pairing: Max Verstappen x Neighbor reader
Warnings: just fluff
Summary: after the day he saw Y/n alone at the restaurant, he thought it would be nice to do something for her.
Part 1
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The following days after the restaurant dinner were tough for Y/n. I saw her every morning, as usual, when I left my apartment. But something was different. The smile that used to light up her face was gone, her eyes looked tired, and the contagious energy she always carried with her had vanished. She wasn’t the same person I used to see every day in the elevator, always ready with a witty comment or a brief conversation.
I knew it had to do with the disastrous date. As much as she tried to hide it, it was clear the situation had deeply hurt her. And, as much as I wanted to do something to cheer her up, I didn’t know exactly how.
After seeing her return from work once again with that sad expression, I made a decision. I couldn’t just stand by and watch her sink into that sadness. I took a deep breath, walked to her apartment door, and knocked.
She opened the door, and for a moment, the exhaustion and sadness in her eyes disappeared, replaced by surprise. “Max? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to invite you out,” I began, trying to sound casual. “Nothing complicated, just dinner to help you relax a bit.”
She looked at me for a long moment, and the surprise in her eyes turned into something darker.
“Max, the last thing I need right now is a guy inviting me out out of pity. And honestly, I’m not in the mood to go to a restaurant just to be humiliated again.”
I could see the pain behind her words, and I understood that this wasn’t just about me. It was about everything that had happened to her recently.
“It’s not out of pity, Y/n,” I said, my voice firm. “I just thought you might enjoy having dinner in a place where you know you’ll be treated well. I was thinking… at my place. No restaurants, no expectations, just dinner between friends.”
She hesitated, her eyes studying my face, trying to figure out if my intentions were genuine. Finally, she sighed and nodded.
“Alright, but no complications, okay?”
“No complications,” I promised with a smile.
***
After she agreed, I returned to my apartment, trying to hide the panic that was starting to build. I had invited Y/n to dinner, but there was a huge problem: I didn’t know how to cook.
I called the only person who could help me: my mom.
“Mom, I need help,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm.
“Max, what happened?” The concern in her voice made me smile.
“I invited a friend over for dinner… and I don’t know what to do.” My mom laughed softly on the other end of the line.
“You’ve always been a disaster in the kitchen,” she said, laughing.
“Stop laughing at me and help me.”
“Alright, you sound nervous. Is this friend just a friend?”
“Yes, just a friend,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“And do you like her in another way?”
“Mom, that’s not important right now.”
“It is important, I want more grandkids.”
“But for that, I need a girlfriend, so focus on helping me with the food.”
“Okay, I’ll help you. Let’s start with something simple. How about lasagna?”
I quickly agreed, and she guided me step by step. It wasn’t easy, but with her help, I managed to prepare the lasagna. I put the dish in the oven, and when the timer started counting down, I heard the doorbell ring.
I rushed to the door, still feeling a little nervous. When I opened it, Y/n was standing there, looking a bit less sad than in the past few days, which made me feel like I was doing the right thing.
“Come in, make yourself at home,” I said, giving her space to enter. “I’ll just take a quick shower and be right back. I got delayed while making dinner.”
She nodded, and I headed to the bathroom. As the hot water ran over me, I couldn’t stop thinking about what was happening. I had invited Y/n to dinner at my place, and even though I didn’t know how to cook, I was determined to make this night special for her.
When I got out of the shower and returned to the living room, I found a scene that made my heart race. Y/n had set the table and was sitting on the couch with Jimmy, my cat, comfortably nestled in her lap. Sassy, my other cat, was lying beside her, purring softly.
“You’ve already met the real owners of the house,” I joked, walking over.
She smiled, petting Jimmy’s fur. “They’re adorable. I think they’ve won my heart.”
“Well, I hope the food wins it too,” I replied, feeling a bit more confident.
She laughed, and the sound warmed the room. “I trust you, Max.”
“Trust my mom, she was the real chef,” I admitted, which made her laugh even more.
We placed the lasagna on the table and sat down to eat.
As we ate, the comfortable silence began to shift into a quiet curiosity in Y/n's eyes. She put her fork down for a moment, tilted her head, and looked at me with a mix of hesitation and sincerity.
"Max, I have to ask... why did you do this? The dinner, the invitation... you didn't have to go through all this trouble."
I sighed, knowing that question was coming eventually. I looked at her, feeling the need to be completely honest.
"After that disastrous dinner at the restaurant, I knew you didn't deserve to go through that," I began, searching for the right words. "I know it wasn’t my business, but seeing you there, alone, waiting for someone who never showed up... I couldn't get that out of my head. Even if this dinner wasn't with me, I wanted to make it up to you somehow. I wanted you to have a good night, a moment where someone cared."
She looked away for a second, as if absorbing what I said. When she looked back at me, there was a hidden sadness in her smile.
"That’s... really kind of you, Max. But to be honest, things like that happen to me all the time." She toyed with her food absentmindedly before continuing. "My relationships have always been horrible. No matter how much I try, it feels like it's never enough. And after a while, you start to wonder... is it me? Is it because I’m not worth the effort?"
Her eyes glistened in a way that made me want to reach out and hold her hand, but I knew she needed that space to open up.
"I feel... insufficient, you know? Whenever I’m in a relationship, I’m always the one left behind. It seems like no one is willing to put in even a little effort for me. And that hurts."
I stayed silent for a moment, processing her words, feeling the weight of it all. It was hard to imagine how someone like Y/n, always so vibrant and full of life, could feel so small because of others.
"Y/n," I began, choosing my words carefully, "the problem was never you. The problem is those people who don’t see how much you’re worth. You’re amazing, and if someone isn’t willing to fight for you, then that person doesn’t deserve you, not for a single second."
She looked at me, surprised by the intensity of my words, and then smiled, a genuine smile, though a little sad.
"Thank you, Max. That means a lot to me." She smiled. “I think you’re the first guy that has put so much effort on something for me.”
“That makes me the only smart one then.”
She laughed.
The dinner was simple but pleasant, and I noticed that, little by little, the sparkle in Y/n’s eyes was returning. She still bore the marks of the disappointment she had suffered, but, at least that night, she seemed to be finding some peace.
And as I watched her, interacting with my cats and laughing at my cooking attempts, one thing became clear to me: I would do anything to keep seeing that smile.
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Bonus scene!
Yourusername Instagram stories
“It feels good to be treated like a princess sometimes”
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lidiasloca · 3 days
Text
more than this (azriel x reader)
summary: after Azriel and reader had a summer together, the last thing Az was expecting was to face her again. (angst).
previous chapter
chapter eight
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆
AZRIEL'S POV
“Do you miss her?”
The question didn’t shock me. It was Cassian who asked, so of course it didn’t surprise me. His eyes silently asked me every time I let him into my apartment—though that wasn’t often.
“For fuck’s sake. You won’t even say a word? A single word?” he asked, exasperated. If my brother was losing his temper, it was only because he’d been trying all day. Well, technically for two whole months. And still, he hadn’t given up. Maybe now he would.
“I’m not in the mood to talk,” you mumbled, just to give him something.
“Yeah, no shit. You haven’t been in the mood to talk for a long time, Az,” he replied, but at least he sounded calmer now. “You can’t go on like this. Your life is waiting for you outside this apartment.” He sighed deeply before adding what I knew would be a low blow. “A life without her.”
I didn’t know what was so different in the air today, but I felt like trying to talk about it. For once, I knew deep down I had to. “I don’t want a life without her.”
“You had a life without her before. And you were just fine.”
Nothing had been fine without her.
I didn’t feel like arguing, so my heart gave my mouth a confession to share. “I want her, but I can’t have her—and that’s my fault.”
“Sometimes what we want isn’t what’s good for us. Maybe she wasn’t the one for you…”
She was not the one for me.
She was not the one for me.
Over the loud thoughts in my mind, I could hear Cassian continue. “Sometimes giving up is the right thing, Az. And you have to—”
“Shut up.”
He met my eyes instantly, alarm and quiet anger in them. “You never let me help you, brother,” he said, defeated.
“You cannot help.”
“You’re not helpless, you—”
“YOU CANNOT HELP ME!” I stood, anger surging through my veins. “You can’t! I HAVE FUCKING LOST MY MATE. MY MATE! AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP WITH THAT?!”
And that was that.
Cassian was shocked. “Your mate?” he muttered.
My lack of an answer was enough for him to stand, walk toward me, and say plainly, “I can help you—I will help you because you’re my brother, Az. Because I love you, and I know you deserve your mate. No matter your mistakes, I know you like no one else, and you are a good person. You’re not defined by one mistake, you hear me?”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “How could you help me?”
He looked down thoughtfully. “I have an idea. It’s not great, but it’s an idea.”
Hope sparked inside my heart. “What?” I asked eagerly. But Cassian suddenly turned and started walking toward the door. “Cassian,” I called, but he kept going. “Cassian?!”
Once at the door, he turned. “You won’t like the idea.”
“Then don’t do it.”
“Exactly. I can’t let you stop me from trying.”
“Cassian,” I threatened, watching his hand on the door handle. “Alright,” I gave in, knowing he’d do it anyway. At least I’d rather know. “I’ll let you do it. But tell me. Please.”
“I’m going to talk to Elain.”
And now she was here. Y/N was in front of me, her eyes surprised as if she hadn’t been the one coming to my apartment and knocking on my door. As if she wasn’t the one with the upper hand here, the only one who with one word could ruin my life.
Or save it.
One word is all it takes.
“Can we go to the lake?” is what she says instead, and it makes me think maybe it doesn’t depend on her words, but simply the sound of her voice.
Yes, the melodic sound of her enchanting voice could save me. So the answer comes easily out of my lips. “Yes.”
The familiar path we take to the lake is uncomfortably memorized in my heart, and I guess in hers as well. Every step I take, I’ve taken many times before with her, but it feels like that was in another lifetime.
No one has dared a word yet, and I fear I am not strong enough to start. I know I should, I know there are many unsaid speeches I owe her. But my lips won’t move to my command.
“Elain came,” she states plainly.
It’s plain and short, but I am still grateful the silence is finally broken. I am not so grateful when I realize I have to reply to that. Talking about Elain is not ideal.
“Cassian might have had something to do with that.”
She turns her face to me, giving me a pointed look that I know means no harm. She’s simply analyzing me so she doesn’t have to ask. “No. She came for herself. And for you.”
I regard her back, still walking. “Did she?” I inquire incredulously. I am sure Cassian sparked Elain’s visit, but of course, she would have had a more relevant reason to talk to her.
But doing it partly for me?
The last time I spoke with Elain had been a very rough night. I remember what I said, what Y/N said. The day had been cruel enough, and I ran to the one I had put through an even crueler time. Elain.
“Yes,” she replies, nodding. “She told me about the last time you saw her. That night…” Her voice turns weak at the last bit. I feel weak at the memories her words bring. The wound feels fresh now that she’s near again.
Silence unfolds upon us, helping both of us swim deep into the ocean of pieces of our shared lives.
As if on cue, the lake finally appears in front of us. It is still the same as the last time we swam in it together, as if it were a space created just for us, only to be undisturbed when we weren't there.
I silently ask her with my eyes if she wishes to get closer to it. She gives me an approving nod, so I walk toward it and sit on a large rock by the lake. She sits next to me.
“I’m so sorry.” I turn to her quickly, my eyebrows rising in utter shock.
“What? You don’t have to be sorry about anything,” I mutter too quickly to come out clearly.
“Of course I do. Yes, you do more. But I will always be sorry about what I said to you that night.” She sighs, shifting her gaze away from my eyes. “I wish you could forgive me.”
I open my mouth, even more surprised. “Y/N, of course, I forgive you. Don’t…” I try, but her words, even if I don’t hold them against her, still feel hard to forget. Hard not to let them kill me slowly. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing. I should. I must.” I wait until she looks at me again to go on. She needs to see I mean it. Every bit. “I’m so sorry. What I did to you and Elain was the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I regret it every day. I’m so sorry I betrayed your trust.”
The air feels thick with unspoken emotions—betrayal, disappointment, maybe even love—all mingling in the quiet. At last, she says, “I forgive you, Azriel.”
My mind goes blank with raw confusion and shock, trying to grasp some coherence in her words. She forgives me. I don’t have to ask her why, for she sees the confusion on my face and continues.
“Because I love you.”
What.
“Because I love you still, Azriel. And because you are my mate. And because I know you truly are sorry.”
Hope sparks inside me, quick and strong. And when I let thoughts of the life we could have together take hold, it’s a fire that roars in my heart.
She loves me—maybe, after all, I still had a chance. Perhaps not everything was lost as I thought. Perhaps I had everything right in front of me.
“You love me…” I blurt out in question, because I still need confirmation.
“Yes,” she replies, and if I weren’t already reeling from this, she smiles sweetly. Her smile. Y/N’s smile. It had been so long since I’d seen it bloom on her beautiful face.
The last time had been in this very place. As if reading my thoughts, her eyes travel to the lake in front of us. Her smile deepens, and to my surprise, I smile as well.
There is a burden I’ve thrown away with her words, with the opportunity she’s given to what I thought I had lost.
Her eyes travel through the beauty of the place as she says, “This lake…”
“Yes,” I quietly mutter, because I know what she’s thinking.
She then turns to me, and it’s her eyes that remind me how much I love her. “Do you remember? This lake? Us?”
“I remember everything.”
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-Characters by Sarah J. Maas
HEY! IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY AZRIEL MASTERLIST HERE <3
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cloudysarts · 3 days
Note
Hi there!!
I want to say that your “Mabel’s muse” Au concept has absolutely called my attention, Bill mentions multiple times (Dipper and Mabel’s guide to mystery and fun and TBOB) how he likes Mabel’s personality and wanted her to be his ally…sooo the idea of an alternative time where he decided to approach her and where she trusts him and considers him as her friend is absolutely full of potential
I just think about how many stuff would change and how bill would be a little more genuine with her as he for once isn’t pretending to be an all-wise being and having to constantly rise the ego of Genius minds…instead he just has to party with a teenager whose idea of fun is quite similar to his…he doesn’t have to be the “supreme being” for once just a silly fella in order to earn Mabel’s trust
Also about how some episodes would have to take a completely different route:
maybe “Mindscapers” wouldn’t even take place…because I doubt that Mabel would trust a Bill if he went inside Stan’s head
Bill possessing her during the “sock opera”episode instead of dipper
Also don’t get me started on “the last Mabelcorn” episode. All the angst and horror that Ford would feel when he finds out about the whole friendship with bill situation reflecting himself on Mabel and probably Dipper being the one who search for the unicorn hair while ford tries to convince her that Bill isn’t trustworthy
I apologize for my rant but I seriously love your idea and sorry if it’s a bit confusing English isn’t my first language
I hope you have a nice day and thank you for reading this silly thing!!
first of all, your english is great!! second of all, i am SO sorry it took me so long to respond to this ask, it just made me so happy that i wanted to take my time to craft a response!!!!!! :DDDD (context: for people who don't know what my 'mabels muse' au is, you can check it out over here!)
you are practically SPOT ON with my ideas for this au!!!!!! but i'm gonna briefly run through all the things you brought up!!
first of all, yes, absolutely!!!! for bill, partner-ing up with mabel was a very nice change of pace. he likes stroking the ego's of genius', just for his own amusement, but he doesnt get the THRILL of just getting to PLAY very often!! he's a very childish being, at the end of the day. he enables mabel's selfishness, while getting to indulge his own, silly passions right alongside her!! and obviously, mabel LOVES being enabled <3 i imagine most of the dreams he gives her would make any normal persons eyes bleed
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as for your episode ideas, you're mostly right!!! :) mindscaperers does, in fact, NOT happen in this au. in my head, i imagine gideon trying to summon him, only for an 'I.O.U' to appear where bill should be. he's busy hanging out with his favorite pre-teen!!! so gideon skips straight to his backup plan, aka, gideon rises ^^
for sock opera, i'm still on the fence a little bit. one of the reasons bill is hanging out with her at all in this au is because, unlike in the regular timeline, this bill actively wants stanford to be brought home. the reason mabel is important to him, is because he can see timelines where she presses the button in not what he seems, and keeps him from returning. in his mind, he has the greatest shot of success if mabel doesn't press it. in this au, she doesnt even hesitate to trust stan, because she has another, trustworthy voice in her head, yelling DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON. its 2v1! ANYWAY, the reason any of that matters for sock opera, is because he wouldnt have any need to possess anyone, because he has no interest in smashing the laptop! BUT.....i can see him doing it anyway. i figure, most likely, he gets mabel to (willingly) let him use her body, so that she can work on her sock opera while her body sleeps. i just imagine a bill-possessed mabel up at 3 am, covered in hot glue and googly eyes as he tries to work it out shjdkfhjsdkf. but......honestly, he probably destroys the laptop in the process :) just to fuck with dipper <3 not that dipper ever finds out its her. he has no idea that mabel was ever possessed/has no reason to suspect her, because at this point, he still doesnt think bill is real. that is....until the last mabelcorn.
IN the last mabelcorn, mabel reveals to ford that she does recognize bill, and that he lives in her brain! she says it really excitedly, at the table, while dipper kind of just rolls his eyes about it. to her, its vindicating, because it's the first time anyone has ever acknowledged bills existence. but to ford, its HORRIFYING, because he knows it isn't just a coincidence. he knows he has to do something, but he doesn't know what, right away. this is where our ideas differ a little bit, because i think that mabel still WOULD be the one retrieving the unicorn hair! ford just didnt tell her what the hair was for. ford sends her off, because he wants to brainstorm a way to get him out of her head, preferably without hurting her/her memories. he also plans to bill-proof dippers mind in the process, just in case mabel is too far gone already. the events here happen basically the same (with minor tweaks), but instead of dipper suspecting that ford is evil/bill-possessed, this is where he finally learns that bill is real at all. ford tells him about his backstory, and explains the REAL reason he sent mabel out to get the unicorn hair, etc etc. he loves mabel a lot, but hes not sure how to go about dealing with this situation yet. its not HER fault she trusted bill, but he knew that if he just tries to tell her hes evil, she wont believe him. shes known 'her muse' longer, and as of right now, he's never lead her wrong. just like what happened to him in the past...
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i wonder how mabel would feel if she only heard the end of that conversation...
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ripdragonbeans · 3 days
Text
Not Him, I Swear // Modern!Aegon x Reader // Pt. 3
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Summary: You go on your second date with Aegon and it ends up being much more fun that you anticipated.
CW: afab reader, profanity, eventual smut, Aegon being an ass, oh but he has feelings??????
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
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The next few days were filled with cute texts and fluffy dates. Aegon respected your wishes and didn't push you to go any further than a make out session. It drove you crazy; you wanted him but you were scared. As much as you wanted to forget all the pain Jason caused you, it was something that stayed. It tainted your views of love, something that can be hard to make new. 
Aegon seemed too good to be true.
But you swallowed your fears and pushed on with your relationship with him. 
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“Hey, man!” Cregan strolled into the room. “How's our bet going? Is she begging for you yet?” He plopped himself down next to Aegon and put his feet on the table.
Aegon rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he murmured. “No, she's not begging yet, but I'll get there.” He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Gods, I almost feel bad.”
Cregan’s eyebrow rose. “Bad? Don't tell me that my best friend is actually catching feelings for someone.”
“No, I'm not catching feelings for anyone.” Aegon got up to grab another beer; his third one already, and it was barely noon.
“The way you talk about her says differently.”
“I haven't talked about her.”
“Not obviously, of course. At any mention of the bet or anything, you tense up. Something’s going on in that head.”
“Whatever, Cregan,” Aegon muttered. “Since you're so focused on annoying me, I'm gonna go to my room.” He gave his friend a mocking wave before leaving the living room to his own.
He put his head in his hands and let out a groan. He couldn't be catching feelings, he shouldn't be falling for her. But he is. 
The way she smiles. The way her eyes light up. The way she tucks her hair behind her ear. It's like looking into a bright light and being engulfed in its warmth. 
But he had to do this. He needed to prove that he could have anyone he wanted. If not to himself, then to his friend. As shallow as it was, he wanted to follow through. He hoped she wouldn't hate him in the end. 
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“Hel, I really can't believe it,” you gushed. “I know you said not to get too involved with him but he's already so much better than Jason!” 
You plopped down on the couch, closed your eyes, and stretched. The wonderful feeling of being loved say well inside your heart. Despite the aching fears and the anxiety that comes along after being cheated on, the feeling of being loved triumphed ever just a tiny bit. 
“I wouldn't go ahead and say that, bestie. Please, be on your guard. You know all the stories, all the rumors, and I can even testify for some of them.” Helaena held your hands and looked you in the eye. “Be careful, please.”
A voice came from the hallway. “Yeah, what she said.” Jace walked over to the two of you sitting on the couch. He wore a grim expression on his face. “I don't mean to hurt you but I've heard that he's just trying to get you to sleep with him, all for some bet.”
Your heart sank at the thought but you pushed it aside.
“Very funny, Jace,” you said. “But I don't need that negativity in my life.”
“It's not negativity if it's true.” He looked at you with pity in his eyes. 
You shook off the expression and took a deep breath. “Why can't you two just be happy for me?” 
Helaena squeezed the hand she was holding. “We're happy for you, we just want you to be careful. We hate to see you hurt.”
“It's a risk, isn't it? All relationships are. I know Aegon and I will either end up together forever or eventually break up. It's up to us, not you two, but me and Aegon, how bad that ending will be.”
Helaena huffed. “Okay, I'll drop it. For now.”
You smiled at her. “Thank you.” You turned to address both Jace and Helaena. “Now, would you two like to know what's happening next?”
“As hesitant as I am, yes,” Helaena said. 
Jace nodded his head in agreement.
You pulled out your phone to read the text messages between you and Aegon.
“Our next date is a movie!” You announced.
There was a beat of silence before Jace broke it. “A movie? Isn't that a little cliche?”
You frowned at him. “Shut up, it's something.”
“What movie are you guys gonna catch?” Helaena cut in. 
“Oh! Um…” you bowed your head in embarrassment and mumbled your answer.
“I'm sorry? What was that?” Jace leaned in. A knowing smirk graced his lips.
You mumbled your answer again, but a little louder.
“Bestie, I still can't hear you!” 
“Shrek 2.” 
You look up in shame. The judgment you feel from them was too much.
“...I'm sorry, did you just say Shrek 2?” Clarified Jace.
“It's the best one!”
Helena laughed. “Considering it's you and Aegon, it makes sense. Weird choice, but yeah.” She clapped her hands together. “Okay, time to get you date ready!”
“‘Date ready?’ Hel, I’ve got five hours until I have to leave. I have time.”
“For what I have planned for you? Nope, five hours is just enough time for me and Jace to get you set.”
Jace froze hearing his name. “Me? What do I have to do?”
“Shut up, you're moral support,” Helaena rolled her eyes in amusement. “Now, let's go.”
Helaena offered you her hand but you hesitated slightly. What if this is just a plot to convince you to not go? But when you looked at your friends all you could see was the love they had for you.
“Alright, let's get this started,” you smiled.
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Four hours later had you sitting in a chair with your back straight and a mirror behind you. 
“Annnnnd done!” Helaena turned your chair around so you could see yourself.
You took in the image, your hair all done nicely, your facial features enhanced, all of it. You couldn't help the smile that made its way.
“Helaena,” you started, “my gods, you did an amazing job!” 
You turned toward Jace, who was sitting on the arm of the couch. 
“Yeah,” he said between handfuls of chips, “you look great. Aegon is gonna shit himself.” 
“I don't know about that,” you rolled your eyes. “He's been with a shit ton of other girls before me, I doubt I'm the prettiest.”
A hand smacked your head. 
“No. You're the hottest he's ever been with and will only be with for the rest of your lives.”
“Wow, and I thought you were dead set on me not being with him.”
“Only to protect you! But,” she sighed, “if this is how it goes then he better not break your heart. He does that. I'll chop up his dick in his sleep.”
“Yeah, and I'll fuck up his face,” Jace added.
You laughed at your friends, your heart full. “You two are so extra.”
“It's called being best friends,” Jace said as he joined you and Helaena at the mirror. 
Looking at the three of you, you thought of all the trials you've been through. All the heartbreak, the laughs, the highs and the lows. Without them who knows what you would be like. You interlocked your hands with both of them and leaned back.
“I don't know what I did to deserve you guys, but I'm grateful for you two and love you.”
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Beep beep!
The sound of the honking car was quickly followed by a text. You picked up your phone and couldn't stop the smile. Of course Aegon would do this. As you readied yourself to leave the apartment, you did one last look in the mirror. 
You were happy with how you looked; all dolled up for the date. Just enough to be enticing but not so much in your face. With a pep in your step, you made your way to the front door. 
Aegon’s eyes went wide when he saw you. “You look…”
You nodded for him to continue.
“Amazing. You look amazing.” Aegon flashed you a big smile.
“You don't look too bad yourself,” you replied as you got in the car.
Aegon’s car was messy but it could be a lot worse. Luckily the trash wasn't food trash but rather random papers and receipts that were strewn across the floor and the back seat. It also smelled vaguely of weed.
“You smoke?” You asked him.
Aegon pulled out of the driveway. “Yeah, and I vape every now and then if I want a flavor or something. You?” 
“I've been curious about it but no, I haven't done either.”
“Wanna try? We can pull over and I can roll you a joint.”
A smile crept onto your face. There were butterflies in your stomach but you were excited to take the plunge.
Once Aegon pulled over into an unmarked parking lot, he pulled out the weed, the paper, and lighter. He was careful to roll the joint nicely for you. Once he finished he looked at his work and gave you a smile. “Ta-da! One joint rolled for my kitten.”
“Okay, cool. I can do this.” You told yourself.
Aegon looked at you with concern. “You don't have to smoke if you don't want to.”
“No, but I really want to.”
“Okay.” He nodded his head. “I'll light it. Then all you have to do is inhale through your mouth, hold it for a bit then exhale through your mouth. Simple.”
“Simple. Right.”
“Okay, here we go.”
Aegon lit it then brought the joint up to your mouth. You gently wrapped your lips around the tip and you did as he said. 
Inhale.
You felt the smoke fill your mouth.
Hold.
You let it sit and go down your throat.
Exhale.
A puff of smoke flew out of your mouth.
As a calming sensation sprinkled through your body you have Aegon a relaxed smile.
“You feeling okay?” Aegon asked you 
You laughed a bit. “Yeah, I feel good.”
Aegon took a drag from the joint himself. “Wanna get high before we watch the movie?”
“Hell yeah.”
Before heading off to the movie theater, you and Aegon shared the joint. It didn't take long for you to get high but Aegon finished it off. He was careful not to get higher than just having a buzz since he was driving. The rest of the ride was filled with you babbling about everything and nothing. Aegon smiled and let you go on. 
Arriving at the theater, you let out a little giggle. “I'm so excited for this, Aegon.” You slurred his name.
“Yeah.” He couldn't stop himself from smiling at you. Getting out of the car, he circled around to open the passenger door. “Time to get out, kitten.”
You giggled again. “I like that you call me kitten. It's cute and it kinda turns me on.”
Aegon gulped down a breath. “That's great; time to see the movie.”
Letting go of Aegon’s hand, you put both of yours on his chest. “I wanna be with you.”
He pushed your hands down and kept them firmly in his. Aegon looked you in the eye. “And we will but not like this. I want you to be sober when I take you.”
You huffed. “Okay.”
Finally getting you to step out of the car, Aegon went back to only holding one hand as he led you through the parking lot and into the theater.
“Mmm I want popcorn and an Icee,” you said as soon as you walked in. The smell of popcorn immediately surrounded you.
“I'll get you popcorn and a water,” Aegon said.
You stamped your foot. “But I want an Icee!”
He tugged on your hand to get you to look at him. “Kitten, you need water. Trust me, okay?”
“Okay.” Another giggle escaped you.
After buying popcorn and water, Aegon led the way to your numbered theater to watch Shrek 2. At first you wanted to sit up front but he pulled you away to the rows in the back.
“No one needs to know you're high,” he said as you made your way up the stairs. 
“But you know I'm high,” you observed.
“I'm the one that got you high, kitten.”
“Oh, yeah.”
As you sat down in your chair, all you could think about was getting as close to Aegon as possible. Thankfully, these were the newer, fancier theater chairs. You reclined your chair and moved the armrest out of the way so you could lean on Aegon.
“You and popcorn,” you said as you snuggled up to him. “The best combination ever.”
“Don't forget Shrek.”
“And Shrek.”
Aegon kissed the top of your head as the lights went down and the movie began.
While Shrek 2 was already one of the funniest moments of all time, watching it high made it even funnier.
“Prince Charming looks like Jason,” you whispered, eyes wide. “I bet his dick is small like Jason’s, too.”
Aegon choked on his water. He stole a look at you but all he saw was a girl high as fuck while watching Shrek 2. Gods, he wanted to kiss you then and there.
The movie continued with your constant one liners about how everything in Shrek related to something or someone in your life. Somehow you were Shrek, Fiona was Aegon (which he was happy about), Donkey was Helaena, and Puss in Boots was Jace. To you, it all made sense. To Aegon, it was simply blabbering that entertained him.
As the credits rolled on the screen, you lolled your head against Aegon’s shoulder once again. “I’m tired, Aeg.”
“You’re coming down from your high, kitten,” he assured you. “Time to get up and head home.”
“I don’t wanna move.” You slunk down in your seat.
Aegon laughed. “They’re gonna kick us out anyway if you don���t get up. What if I helped you?”
You held out both arms. “Yes, please.”
Aegon moved to stand in front of you to pull you up. Instead of letting go, however, he tucked you into his side. Together, you made your way out of the movie theater.
“Can we go to your place?” you asked him as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“No, I’m going to drop you off at my sister’s.”
All of a sudden you wanted to cry. “Why? Do you not like me?”
“That’s not it. You’re high and I’m going to take care of you.”
Your mood instantly switched. “I’d love for you to take care of me.” Heat began pooling in your belly while you placed a hand on his thigh.
Reluctantly, Aegon moved your hand off of him. “Not like that. I’m going to be responsible this one time and take you back to Helaena’s.”
“Come on, be irrisp, irrrrsp, irrisponble this one time.”
“If you want to be in my bed you’re going to have to be sober, kitten.”
You crossed your arms. “Boo, you’re no fun.”
“I know, what a bore.” He turned into the driveway. “Time to go.” He walked over to your side to open the door and walk you to the front. “I loved tonight.”
“I love you too, Aegon,” you yawned.
Aegon stopped, stunned. “I think you mean you loved tonight.”
You hummed. “No, I love you.”
He nodded his head, mouth slightly agape, as he took you Helaena’s room. When he knocked on the door Helaena popped out.
Her eyes instantly went to you, leaning all your weight on Aegon. “What did you do?!”
Aegon shrugged. “She wanted to get high so I let her. I only got buzzed but she is definitely high.”
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“It’s loud,” you moaned. “And bright.”
“Gods, get her in here.” Helaena motioned for Aegon to bring you into the room.
Immediately, you went for the bed and flopped down. Aegon was careful as he tucked you in. Helanea watched in awe of how sweet he was being to you. As soon as you drifted off to sleep, Helaena took Aegon into the hallway to talk.
“Have you been like this all night?” she questioned.
“You mean like the wonderful gentleman I am? Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you being so kind to her?”
He shrugged. “What can I say, Hel. I like her.”
“No, when you like girls you just charm them and then fuck them. This is the second date you’ve gone on with her. Something is up.”
Aegon ran his hand down his face. “Let me do this, just once, let me be the good guy.”
Helaena looked at him warily. “Fine. But if you do anything to hurt her, I will personally destroy your life.”
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slasher-jaxshitposts · 18 hours
Text
TW: vent
I hate not having any control over my own life. I hate not being allowed to choose what I wear, what I do, and what I control. I hate being told to do the dishes everytime the sink is full, I hate being the family therapist, I hate not being allowed to relax without being shamed for it.
I tell my sisters no to something that will make a mess if I don't watch them closely, then being forced to give it to them anyways by THEIR father and still have to clean up THEIR mess.
I hate having to do the dishes when their are other people in the house who can do it, then being told the way I do it is wrong.
I hate being threatened to have my hair ripped out of my skull if I don't do what I'm told.
I hate being told I look TOO good in something by my mother and then those pants or that shirt get taken from me and put in my moms drawer.
I hate being told that only skanks wear cropped tops and not to walk around in only a bra and some shorts when I'm hot because my dad (step-dad) is in the house, or he has friends over that he could bring them in, but my mom wears crop tops, and she walks around in the store, at other peoples houses and other PUBLIC places in just a bra.
^But when I walk around OUR house, I'm asking for it
I hate wanting my hair cut, and eventually getting to the point where I want to cut it myself, but I can't. Wanna know why? Cause I'll get my ass beat for doing something I've been BEGGING my mom to do for the past year or so.
i hate being told the hair cut I want is too short, or too boy like, or it doesn't match my face, that it'll make me look ugly.
I hate being expected to let my mother rant to me, but get scolded if I try talking about my feeling with her.
I hate telling my mom things I wanna do, then her tell me no and that I have to do something because she had to.
I hate being told not to let people see me cry, not to let people see me weak, not to let them think I'm weak, then being told I should cry more, and let my feelings out when my dog gets killed.
I hate having to fake my tears so that my mom thinks I'm alright.
I hate that every time I sit down I'm automatically not doing anything, that I'm always so lazy, that I don't do anything.
I hate being the one who has to talk myself out of panic attacks, then when I tell my mom, she just tells me not to let myself.
"Why are you putting yourself the panic attack? Why are you letting it beat you?" She says
But god forbid if one of my sisters start having a panic attack. And I get it, their 5 and 7, yes worry about them, but I'm 15, I want my mom to about me like that.
I hate feeling like I have to fight my feelings.
I hate wanting to be a man just so I can feel some kind of control, and I still don't feel like I can control anything.
I hate the way my step-father has made me hate men, but I still want their love.
I hate feeling like I need to fight for love.
I hate the empty "I love you"'s that come out of my mom, and stepdads mouths.
I hate the fact that I still love my mom, despite the things she's put me through.
I hate feeling like I'm never enough, like if I'm of no use to anyone, then why should they love or care about me?
I hate feeling like everyone expects so highly of me, and then are significantly disappointed when they actually get to know me.
I hate not feeling much of anything besides anxiety, fear, and anger.
I hate feeling smaller than everyone else.
I hate having to create different personas for every person I meet, just so I can be liked.
I hate not being allowed to be myself.
I hate feeling like crap everytime I'm not comfortable with doing something, because if I'm of no use to you, why should you care for/about me?
I hate not being able to focus on one project, and then feeling terrible because I never finished something.
I hate feeling sorry for others more than I do myself.
I hate not knowing when my next meal will be.
I hate being shamed for not eating because "we have plenty of food."
I hate having issues with certain textures of food, and having to go hungry because I don't like what my mom fixed.
I hate not liking certain tastes, then being forced to eat it, because I'm tired of starving myself.
I hate feeling like I'm bothering everyone else because of my feelings.
I hate feeling bad for snapping at my sisters, when they didn't even do anything wrong.
I hate being shamed for how little I eat, and how much I sleep.
I hate how I never get a break.
I hate getting shamed for taking a break.
I hate how my mom and step dad don't care about my hobbies unless it makes money that they can emotionally manipulate me into giving them.
I hate feeling like I can't trust anyone.
I hate losing weight, but still looking fat.
I hate wishing I had more things wrong with me, just so I feel like I have a reason to complain.
But most importantly...
I hate myself
And I'm sorry if you actually read all of this. You shouldn't have to listen to some stranger that you don't even truly know on the internet. Because you don't know me, no one knows me. They know a carefully designed version of me that was made just for them.
@puppet200 @purpleeggyboi @th3-r4t-48 @zeroisreallygood @im-a-simp898 @luciluck2046 @evry1h8s-me @aflairforthemelodramaticc @caretaleandotherstuff
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idontplaytrack · 2 days
Note
janis is being really mean (like ex regina style mean) to her friends and no one knows why and one day she goes to far and gets yelled at and than she breaks down and regina is her gf and is like wth is goiing on, Janis breaks down and tells her than she has to apologize to her friends.
Do you see me?
Janis 'Imi'ike x Regina George
Warnings: coarse language, angst, implied attempt
They all knew Janis was unafraid to speak her mind, but then things get out of hand and the reason had to be coaxed out by Regina
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"Hey, you." Regina came up behind Janis and kissed her on the cheek. Janis froze, or flinched, Regina wasn't sure. But something out of the ordinary happened.
"You okay?" Regina asks in a quiet voice, obviously concerned.
Janis gave her nothing but a shrug before she proceeded to open up her locker to retrieve a textbook.
Regina wasn’t too convinced but let it slide. Then they went about their days like this brief conversation never happened. All was seemingly…fine until lunch when the whole group was sat together for the break. Aaron said some stupid joke that made everyone laugh— everyone but Janis. Then Karen teased her for being unamused, so Janis got pissed, in seconds. She stabs her fork into the food and was gripping onto it so hard, the plastic utensil easily broke into two.
Everyone saw it, everyone reacted— some more than others. Regina tried to stay nonchalant about it but her worry was steadily growing. Three days in a row something like this has happened now. And as reckless and well— extroverted as Janis tended to be usually, nothing worried the blonde more than when Janis was quiet. 
After the day at school ended, Regina drove Janis home, but Regina doesn’t just leaves. She follows Janis into the garage. The Hawaiian doesn’t object, but Regina was doubtful that she even knew that she was right behind her.
“Janis, will you talk to me, please?”
“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s just stress.” Janis answered curtly, dropping her backpack with a thud. 
“About?” Regina pressed. 
Janis snaps, “I don’t want to talk about it.” 
Regina flinched, startled by the tone. Yes, Regina got scared by the tone. Janis ignored her from that point on, changing into comfy clothes then just crawled into her bed and slept. Regina hung around for a bit then left, defeated. Closing the garage door, she was met with Janis’ dad in the driveway. “Mr. ‘Imi’ike, hi. I was just dropping Janis off.” 
“Hi, Regina.” The man gave her a kind smile, he was always happy to see her. The guy didn’t have a single mean bone in his body— he was too nice. Even after knowing what Regina did to his daughter in middle school. He said he believes that everyone has a reason for why they act differently, as long as they were willing to admit that and change…all was good. And so Regina fought the urge to ask him directly if Janis was okay. It’s only been a few days, right? Maybe it was just PMS. That wasn’t unusual. 
“See you tomorrow.” Mr. ‘Imi’ike chuckles, “Drive safe, stinker.” 
Regina shook her head in disbelief and guffaws. That nickname, from years ago. He randomly started to use it for Regina one day and it just stuck. Janis was ‘peanut’ — even till today, her Dad still called her that. Regina thought it was cute.
As Regina drove off, Mr. ‘Imi’ike enters the garage after knocking on the door. “Hi, peanut.” He poked his head in, “Do you want to have lunch with your —”
“No.” Janis answered quickly, “Not happening.” 
“Okay.” He nodded in understanding. He didn’t want to ask her that, he was forced to.
“Could you just bring it in here for me?” Janis requested, “Please?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” Her Dad agreed, “I’ll be right back.”
Janis moves over to her desk in the meantime, diving right back into working on her art pieces. Art pieces, plural. She’d been busy with a few of them to make the deadline of a portfolio submission for one of her dream schools. She hears two voices in the house, which had only become a thing lately. Janis cringes, she hates it when they are like that— squabbling. Mr. ‘Imi’ike returns with the food: pineapple fried rice and teriyaki beef skewers. Delicious. 
“Wow, thanks Dad.” Janis forced a smile. It was one of her favourite lunches ever, and she didn’t want her Dad to worry any more than he already was. 
Her Dad set the plate down on her desk, stroked her hair and pressed a kiss to her head, “Eat well, ipo. I’ll go get you a drink too. What do you want?”
“Ah, we don’t have that drink here, Dad. You know that.” Janis says with a laugh.
“Hawaiian Sun? Who says we don’t?” He grins, “I brought some back for you when I went home to Hawai’i.”
Janis gasped, “Really? Guava nectar flavour too?”
“Especially that. I know that’s your favourite.” He laughs similarly, “I’ll just be a sec.” 
This little conversation took her mind off of what she was working on, which was a much needed break. Janis had been working on those pieces pretty much non-stop when she was at home. 
“Thanks.” Janis says, immediately cracking open the can to take a sip of her beloved beverage.
“Of course.” 
And so, Janis ate her lunch while watching some TV. She’d moved again, over to her couch and just focused on her meal. Because let’s face it, those school lunches aren’t ever filling enough to actually be a lunch. 
Janis didn’t hear from anyone else that day, not even Regina. And she didn’t even realise. Janis couldn’t be bothered by that, all she could think about was the portfolio completion. That was her only focus. Regina on the other hand, was contemplating whether or not to text the girl, but she of course, ended up not doing so and the rest of Janis’ evening ended up being awfully quiet. Not that she even noticed because she was so engrossed in finishing her art pieces. 
Her current piece? A painting of a wilted hibiscus, with a chrysanthemum growing right by it. She was barely finished, but her Dad came in later that night and urged her to turn in for the night. 
“G’night, peanut.”
Janis chuckles, “Good night, Dad.”
“Sleep tight, love you.” 
————
The next day, the first half of the day was fine. Janis made it through without much trouble. And like yesterday, the problem came during lunch. All the chatter and laughter was driving Janis nuts, and she typically would be joining in on it. But given how occupied she’d been with the portfolio, that was the only thing on her mind. Everything else…was just noise. Loud, irritating noise.
“Janis, what are you thinking about?” Damian asked. She exhaled harshly, not bothering to even look at her best friend, “Did you have one of those silly ass dreams again last night?”
“Shut up.” Janis muttered. 
“Come on, he’s just worried about you, Jay.” Regina continued, “And honestly, I am too.” 
“Yeah, yeah, everyone’s worried about the art freak.” Janis stabs her fork into a dumpling, “Who cares? Stop annoying me.” Her mind quickly drifts again, back to a specific moment on Monday. 
Janis had just gotten home from school on her own since Regina had lacrosse practice on Mondays. And while she was expecting the house to be quiet because her Dad would be at work, but instead, she saw her Dad sitting at the counter with a woman. It seemed so ridiculous, Janis thought her eyes must've been playing tricks on her. The woman, was her mother, who up and left her and her Dad almost eleven years ago without a word. “Oh, my God. Janis!” The woman gasped, smiling brightly at the sight of the teen— like she hadn’t just shown up here after more than a decade of being absent and wanting nothing to do with them. “I don’t know who you are, don’t try to hug me. I won’t like it and neither will you” Janis bit the inside of her cheek, her hand still clutching onto one backpack strap. Before her mother could even walk close enough, Janis disappeared through a side door into her garage. “Leave her alone, Leilani.” Janis hears him talking to her mother as she leaves the side door.
With her garage being soundproofed, Janis knew she could safely scream. So she did, but not without unintentionally smacking some items on her table to the floor. Then she was sobbing, her heart was confused, but her head was clear— she hated that woman for what she’d done, leaving her all alone, leaving her father all alone. How dare she just come back like she hadn’t done anything wrong? Yes, Leilani was her mother, but she’s never acted like one. From the moment Janis was old enough to remember, the woman’s almost never around. Every single early memory? Was just Janis and her dad, Janis and Damian, even Janis and Regina. Never ever Janis and her mom. Why couldn’t her heart agree with her head? Janis hated that, she hated this feeling. It made her feel like shit.
Once she’d stopped crying, Janis picked herself up and sat at her desk, starting a new painting with the wilted hibiscus and growing chrysanthemum. 
Janis wasn’t sure how, but she managed to make it through another day at school without fully blowing her top. But today, Regina wasn’t going to let whatever this was, go.
“Why is everyone here?” Janis leaned against the doorframe.
“To hang out.” Regina answers simply.
“What are you trying to do? I don't need saving or whatever this is.”
“I already said, I’m worried. I wanna help you.”
“I don’t need your help!” Janis snapped, shutting the door. But Regina held it open, so did Aaron when Janis tried to shove it shut again. “Something is going on. I am not leaving until you tell me what is happening because this isn’t like you.” Regina inhales deeply, blinking away tears. “Let me in. Please, Janis. You don’t have to be dealing with it alone.” Janis’ palm falls from the door, and she moves off to the side, Regina enters the artist’s garage with the rest of the gang. “Who’s that with your Dad?” Gretchen asks, seeing the pair talking in the front yard after walking out from the house. Janis scrambled to shut the door and lock it. “Um— it’s strange having all of you here like that but I owe all of you an apology. How I’ve been acting all week with you guys was messed up. I’ve been stressed about submitting my portfolio on time to the colleges I hope to be able to attend, and then my Mom who’s basically been no part of my life showed up here on Monday after school like she didn’t abandon me and my Dad without an explanation more than a decade ago, and I just— I lost it, I was so thrown off I didn’t know how to help myself, pick myself back up and I just also didn’t know how to tell anyone because none of you guys knew at all about my Mom, not Damian, not Regina. So I was in a bad, bad mood, I tried channelling all those emotions into my art but still, it was bugging me, it was bugging me so badly I just became a mess.” 
The group’s never been this silent, a few were stunned, the others were shocked and worried. Each of them felt a combination of those feelings, merely a fraction of what Janis has had to deal with. But even then, it already felt like a lot. “I don’t want my Dad to get hurt again, I can’t lose him too. He’s all I’ve got here, my family’s miles away. He moved us here to get a fresh start after my Mom left us, a part of me died back home in Hawai’i. My home, became the most painful, most traumatic place. Such a beautiful place became so ugly because of one person’s decision. My earliest memory of her, was her leaving. I remember my Dad keeping it together for my sake, but I would always hear him crying when I was up late at night. I’ll never be able to forget any of that— he was always so happy, so carefree. He gave me everything, and then I was the one who almost left him alone too. One thing I did right was not going through with my attempt— I could never hurt my Dad too. But I don’t get it, why doesn’t he just tell her to go? I never told him, after the ‘obsessed lesbian’ shit in middle school got too much, I wanted to end it, the only way I knew how, the only way I knew would end the pain forever. He doesn’t know to this day and I will never be able to bring myself to tell him, I don’t want to give him another blow to his heart. So I’ve just been working through that on my own during therapy. But then, well, this happened. I’m sorry that I’ve been so rude and bitchy, I didn’t mean any of it.”
Regina immediately engulfed her in a hug, “I'm so sorry.”
“I know you are, we already talked about it. We’re good.” Janis sniffled, “Guys, I’m really sorry, it’s just been so difficult.”
They all crowded around the couple for a group hug, which Janis appreciated but would never outwardly admit just yet. The apology in this setting was a big enough step forward. 
“We can ask that woman to leave, you know?” Damian quirked a brow.
“No.” Janis decided, “I’ll do that. Right now.”
Janis entered the house before anyone could stop her. Dumbfounded, they just watch her walk inside. 
“Dad. She has to go, I don’t care what she’s been telling you but she’s history.” Janis stood tall, but was trying to fight the painful lump forming in her throat.
“I’ve missed you, ipo.”
“You’ve missed me?” Janis scoffed, “It took you eleven fucking years to realise that and come here? I don’t know what you’re trying to do after being nonexistent in my life. My earliest memory of you was you leaving us. You have no clue how hard life has been, you have no idea what we had to go through because of you. You’ve got no idea what kind of shit started because of your decision to abandon your own partner and daughter. You see me here now, standing in front of you in one piece. But you have broke me inside in more ways than you could’ve ever imagine so don’t come up to me saying you miss me because I don’t know you at all. We had to leave home, because of you. We had to leave family because of you. Grandma and grandpa hated you, and I couldn’t understand why when I was little because I was just sad mommy was gone. But when I was old enough, I remembered— you, were never there. Dad was there through all of it. Every single milestone, elementary school graduation, middle school, my first fucking period, my first heartbreak, high school, and everything in between. While you…you were nowhere. Then you just waltz in here like you went on a weekend away? No. No! You don’t get to do that and expect forgiveness. Stop trying, it’s already been over the second you thought about walking out on us."
"She's right. Please listen to your daughter if you love her like you claim you do. We don't need any of this— not now, not ever. We don't need you. We've been just fine, the both of us."
Janis felt like she blacked out, but felt a pair of arms around her: her dad's, of course. She hears Leilani getting up from the stool at the same time he shields her eyes from witnessing her mother's second departure. Only this time, it was going to be good for them because they were doing perfect without her before she reappeared.
"i got you. I got you, Jains. We're okay. I promise." Her Dad assured, holding her close, "Regina, I know you're standing there, get over here."
" I wasn't listening—"
"I know." He nods, "Just thought she might want you."
Regina nodded, giving the kind man a tight-lipped smile as she wraps her arms around Janis once her Dad let go. "Guys, don't go yet, I'll make you all something to eat. Dinnertime's soon anyway, just hang around, huh?'
"Thank you, Dad."
"Ah, no problem at all, peanut. You're my baby girl, it's always been you and me. Hm? And it always will be."
Regina held Janis' face in her hands, lightly squishing her cheeks before her thumb caressed her tear-stained cheek. "I love you, I will always be here for you. I swear on my life that you will always have me in your corner. You will always have us in your corner, no matter where life takes us for college or our jobs. We’re gonna be there no matter what it takes, life’s tough sometimes but together we’re sure as hell tougher.”
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🏷️Tag list:
@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128
💭A/N:
I’m so sorry this took such a long time, but here it is! Thank you for waiting🥲
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moodymisty · 12 hours
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So I actually have a 'Uriel Ventris has a kid' story written, If this goes well I'll post more.
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Taking in the scene before him, there was only one thought in Roboute Guilliman's mind; This is all Belisarius Cawl's fault.
He was over 10 millennia old and he had seen some of the worst things the Galaxy had to offer, from competition from other species, betrayal by his own brothers, and the eldritch Tumors called Gods. He didn't believe that anything could surprise him anymore.
And yet, here he was sitting dumbstruck before a baseline woman, three of his sons, and a tiny human who seemed to be the only one enjoying all of this.
He cleared his throat, "So, ma'am, can you care to explain how you ended up having your charge?" He pointed at the little boy, only for said child to pipe up, "My name is Apollo!"
The woman's cheeks coloured despite her dark complexion, "I apologize on his behalf my lord, he does not know what he is saying." The boy was about to speak up, only for his mother to put her hand over his mouth, muffling his voice.
"Yes, now about young Apollo here." Guilliman continued, a part of him wanted to laugh at the small child's antics, but he had a job to do.
Isadore composed herself, she was in front of a primarch, she cannot disappoint him, especially for Apollo's sake.
"Lord Belisarius Cawl had recruited me to assist on a project, and as my family considered it a great honor, I went with him. I assumed that I would be a servant in his lab, cleaning up after his experiments. However, it seemed that he had a different idea in mind."
Her blush deepened, the implications making everyone uncomfortable.
Roboute wanted very badly to smack Cawl for tricking her in such a way. "I see, do you know who his father is?"
Isadore shifted in her seat, "I was not privy to much of the details of the experiment, but from what I could gather, his father was an astartes from the Ultramarines Chapter."
She really didn't know what else to say, before being fooled by Cawl, she was a rather simple seamstress from an Agriworld. She wasn't considered particularly beautiful either, with plain brown hair, eyes, and skin. A bit taller than average, which was her only stand out feature, but that was cancelled out by her rather ugly freckles marrying her face and body.
Never in her life did she think that she would have a child fathered by an Astartes, for one, she thought that it would be impossible for Space Marines to father children at all.
"I see," the primarch's eye seemed to develop a twitch, he didn't realise that when he gave Cawl the orders to research Primarch virility, he should've been more specific as to where to stop. "We will have the young lad her genetically tested to find his father, then we will regroup and decide how to move forward. Uriel, please escort our guest here to one of the serf quarters so that she may take some rest."
She watched as a tall marine with short, cropped, straight black hair with startling blue eyes nodded and motioned for her to follow him.
She bowed before the primarch and left the room, her child looking up at her curiously.
As they made their way down to the serf quarters, Uriel couldn't help but sneak glances at her, she was beautiful in a down to earth way. Gorgeous chocolate colored hair, clear skin, and deep brown eyes. Her height giving her a matronly aura and her full lips seemed soft.
He tried to push the thoughts away. Their father had recently revealed to them that he was going to give them a choice to have offspring to bolster the Imperium's numbers of neophytes.
He didn't know how to feel about that, but as part of this decision, marines were made to go through intense hypno brainwashing to return to them their more base urges.
Uriel hated how they made him feel like an out of control animal. He didn't like not having full control of his thoughts. Besides, the last thing the poor woman would want is to be harassed by astartes when she had already gone through so much.
He secretly admitted to himself that any astartes who fathered her child was a lucky man.
---------------------------------------------------
This is basically how the story would go, as Isadore and Uriel grow closer to each other and some shocking reveals as to whose soul Apollo has in him.
Also, yes, Uriel has a thing for Milfs. Isadore has low self esteem as she wasn't considered attractive in her culture, and Cawl only saw her as an acceptable carrier for astartes children.
So, yeah, tell me how you guys feel about this.
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added your second post to this one so it's all together <3
the 'i don't know the father' mystery! it's a classic XD and poor guilliman having yet another weird thing to deal with on top of all the other weird things in 42m XD
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