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one-squash-one-end · 8 months ago

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>1.6k words on bi Gansey

Hi! This belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost.

Today we are diving into all the reasons why I think Gansey is a bi king (and then some more). Enjoy!

(I think there might be mild spoilers up to trk, nothing too bad though, more character interactions than plot)

b) Gansey

Alright hear me out. This man. There is nothing this rich boy can do to beat the fruit allegations. He is a bi king, through and through. Everyone but him knows, including you, because what I have to say is the absolute truth and I am great at convincing. I once saw a tumblr post that said “Gansey has to physically restrain himself from kissing all his friends” and there has never been anything more true.

And it’s important to note that this is really not only reader interpretation. Or, at least, reader interpretation includes other character’s interpretations, which are sometimes incredibly straight(lol)forward.

After doing Adam a big favor, Gansey’s sister Helen (who is aro-ace btw, because I said so) immediately assumes he is sleeping with him, which is a conclusion she jumped to way too quickly if Gansey has never previously shown any interest in Adam or other boys. Like, she seems to know him quite well, and for her to just think he’s in a relationship with Adam says a lot about the homoeroticism prevalent in Gansey’s friendships with both Adam and also Ronan.

Because then we have Kavinsky, another canonically queer character, who thus might arguably have some sort of gaydar, assuming Ronan and Gansey are in a romantic (but most of all, sexual) relationship. Admittedly, this has largely to do with Kavinsky assuming things about Ronan and his sexuality, as is explicitly mentioned in the book. However, you can very easily speculate about someone’s sexuality without knowing their (previous) partners, if there have been any at all, so to correctly believe Ronan is gay does not have to randomly entail relationship speculations. So somewhere, even from not interacting with them so much, Kavinsky must have gotten that idea. That somewhere is the deep affection the two of them share, which is absolutely palpable for everyone around. Yes, I know their relationship is described as brotherly (please note I do not condone incest!), but also somewhere within “they’re bros” lies the implication they are gay. Two bros chilling in a hot tub. They’re having a bromance. Let bros kiss.

Another person who seems to believe in a Gansey romance above bromance is Henry, who at that point of book three had only interacted with him at school very superficially. We can assume the way Gansey behaves with Adam and Ronan at school is very much homoerotic, or elsewise Henry would have no reason to be surprised about seeing Gansey with Blue (“a chick”). He can’t be surprised about Gansey pulling… someone, considering he is apparently super good-looking, he just never had reason to assume Gansey was anything but achillean.

Now this was mostly people who don’t know Gansey that well, or at least people not part of the inner circle, so it can’t mean that much, right? Surely there would not be anyone who truly, deeply knows Gansey, who would assume he is queer. Right? Wrong. I have since forgotten the context of that quote, but Adam, someone who is very close to both of them, thinks that Ronan and Gansey could date. Make of that what you will, but I will it to be homoerotic subtext. (Or text, as what Adam says is what he says, no room for interpretation there.)

Lastly, Adam’s father called him the f-slur. Ok, I will admit that it’s not completely confirmed to be that, but what else would a censored word with f stand for? Again, it’s hard to tell, because my two options would be the slur and just straight-up “fucker”, but both “f*g” and “fuck” are used directly in the following books. The f-slur was used directly in Ronan’s narrative though, in that of a character who talks very obscenely in general, so I have no trouble believing Gansey just wouldn’t have wanted to repeat that word, especially if it’s just a memory.

The line between romantic and platonic interactions is thin enough in this series as it is, but Gansey seems to blur it especially. I am going to touch on that at a later point, but platonic affection is given a very important role, so much that in some parts it carries as much significance as romantic actions do (as it should- relationship anarchy rules), if not more. With Gansey that seems to be especially strong, a lot of the things he does with his friends seeming romantic.

First of all, he is co-parenting with Ronan. Yes, it is a bird, but Ronan loves her like a human daughter so the point stands. The two of them even squabble about it like an old married couple, Gansey’s legendary “this is exactly why I didn’t want to have a baby with you” speaks for itself.

Then there is the insomnia quality time, as I like to call it. We, as the readers, are probably supposed to focus on the late night phone calls and drives with Blue, the fact that “she makes [him] quiet”, and that he can sleep after talking to her. But what I find equally important is the time he spends with Ronan at Monmouth during those sleepless nights, them getting orange juice at three a.m. While it might not be something super comforting that makes them both fall asleep, this routine they seem to have fallen into, just spending time while not expecting anything from the other, is something that means a lot to me; they are very much giving platonic soulmates, but also what if they kissed?

Of course I cannot not mention “While I’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” That boy is being unnecessarily dramatic about going away for literally one weekend. And why? Because “they had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reasons why he couldn’t say it.” What are those reasons though? Is it because he is actually in love with Ronan but admitting to that would make the friendship super fucking awkward so he whips out a dramatic, half-romantic metaphor quote? Yeah, that makes total sense.

Staying on my Ronsey bullshit, let’s not forget the glorious, deleted pool table scene. In case you are not familiar with it, or have forgotten the way it sounds (probably the reason it was deleted), I’ll just let two quotes speak for themselves. “There was something suggestive about how [Ronan] wore the suit” Oh yes, of course there was. Sometimes you wear clothing with a certain intention, and in Ronan’s case, that intention is to be bent over the pool table by Gansey. This becomes even clearer here: “Gansey was well aware that Ronan rather fancied the way he looked while he played pool, and the way he reached across the felt now, intentional and elegant and coiled, indicated that he was fancying himself at this very moment.” Once again, everything is super intentional, and Gansey wants to fuck him so badly. Not even kidding at this point, the way Maggie wrote this scene really makes it look like Gansey finds Ronan super hot; even as an aromantic asexual person I have to say, this is a lot more than “bro appreciating his best friend’s glow-up in a completely heterosexual way”. This iconic scene is gay brainrot, which is exactly why we did not get to experience this masterpiece within an actual, published book. The Ronsey shippers would have gone too wild.

[Speaking of which, I’d like to clarify that I do not ship Ronsey in the way some other people do, I do prefer them with their canon love interests, however I clearly see the potential of them having had some kind of mutual attraction in the past, I just think it makes the dynamic a lot more fun and interesting, sort of like how Jesper had a crush on Kaz in Six of Crows.]

Gansey has received at least one (1) dick pic of Ronan. The circumstances do not say anything about either Gansey or Ronan, but I think it’s funny, it builds character, so I chose to include it in this.

Perhaps the strongest evidence for him running with the lgbtq+ is the fact that he goes to an all-boys school. Come on, what is he supposed to do, surrounded by all those guys rich enough to afford good haircuts and a private trainer? Should he just not have gay thoughts? Impossible.

Now all this was mostly evidence for Gansey swinging that way, somehow, but of course he’s one of those doors that open both ways. Yes, he has a girlfriend, but there is even more proof for him being specifically m-spec, just you wait. To begin with, apart from his friends Gansey has two true loves. Henrietta (the town with a female name, who his sister refers to as his girlfriend- the same sister who assumes Gansey is sleeping with Adam; Helen is a bi Gansey truther) and Glendower, the dead, male king. Obviously, this is totally serious business. Additionally, I have talked through to a very full extent how he is in love with Ronan, but of course he is also in love with Henry, I do not have to elaborate on this. He is also very much jealous when Blue and Adam are dating, as is described multiple times, but we don’t find out exactly who he is jealous of. Yes, he likes Blue, and he is sad that his best friend is sort of being stolen away etc., but what if he also just wanted to hold hands. With both of them. At once.

It’s not only Gansey being in love with all of them, it’s also all of them being in love with Gansey. His bi swagger. It was this: Blue finding him irresistible. It was this: Ronan wanting to smash his fist through a wall because of how hot Gansey is. It was this: Henry saying Gansey is a “Caucasian with great hair”.

Bi Gansey is the truth and I will defend that until the day I die.

However, I will admit that he is absolutely a cis guy, no question. At no point in his life has he had to be afraid to take up space or anything, but that man supports trans rights of course. He would not wear a crop top on his own, but considering how he is in love with them, Blue, Ronan and Henry could bully him into it and he would rock it.

#trying a catchier title with this one #trc #the raven cycle #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #gansey #ronan lynch #adam parrish #blue sargent #henry cheng #bi gansey

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citnamora · 1 year ago

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Loonatics Unleashed is honestly nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be. I'm a big critic when it comes to writing but I mostly had no issues with it. The characters, at times, can be bland but they're not atrocious or annoying. The re used jokes can get old fast but it isn't a crime against humanity calling back to something. And sometimes loose ends are left untied (ex: Pink the Pug and Danger Duck) but it makes sense considering the show had a horrendous first impression which resulted in the hate sinking it. A lot of the problems the show has are a result of it being canned too early. It's clear from the second season that LU listened to its critics so I believe, if given the chance, a third season would have showed great improvement in all of the above.

So now that I've got my nitpicks- that are just that, nitpicks!- out of the way. One of my favorite aspects of LU is the animation. Which is, ironically, one of the more criticized aspects. Is it perfect? No. Does it have its wonky moments? Yeah. But does it do the job of portraying what needs to be portrayed? And does it treat us with cute little details sometimes? Absolutely! I might have skipped the season 2 intro every chance I got but it wasn't for the animation. The new clips they had were charming! The LU style in particular is reminiscent of anime, a common trend in shows at the time, but it's also got some twang to it that helps the characters really pop.

My favorite animation in particular is the final fight scene in the series. Intense, fast, with incredible choreography. And the shot moments later of Ace, sharp ears shriveled, weakly holding himself up with a smile as his teammates rush to him. It's full of so much character! You can feel the emotions in the scene!!

The backgrounds, too, are very gorgeous! The lush, subtropical forestry of the Apocalypso come to mind. That entire episode is an ethereal palette! It's also a great detail how well Lexi's pink and green blend so well with her environment- making her appear as if she belongs there, which can work as foreshadowing for her strong connection with the plant life.

And of course the cheesy dialogue with sometimes nonsensical reference but ultimately silly intentions. It's fun, it's snappy, and it's maybe a bit dated- but who said there was anything wrong with being a product of it's time? Maybe what everyone says isn't the most memorable but Rev's rambling, Tech's techno babble, and Ace's play on words are a distinct aspect of their characters. And distinction is very important with your cast- especially your main characters!

Lexi is Lola's descendant but not once in the show is she sexualized. She's a respected member of the team who is viewed highly by Zadavia and the other Loonatics- so much so that she took over for Ace as leader one time! She's the action girl who is kind and fierce and incredibly dedicated to her passions. And, it's a small detail but after watching lots of shows with the sole girl ending up with the main guy, it's refreshing that her relationships remain wholly platonic! She and Ace are more like best friends than future (romantic) partners. Small, I know, but for an aro like me who is sick to death of that trope it's such a cool thing!

LU is far from a perfect show. Everyone and their grandma seems to have slready swung a bat at it. But there's a lot to praise the show for! Moral of the story- WATCH THE SHOW!!!

#loonatics unleashed #yes it's flawed yes it's dated yes it's cheesy and cliche and arguably a bit of a mess. but it's far from the worst thing ever!#I enjoyed it and I hope you did too! this show needs more praise!!#feel free to add on if you'd like!!

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thearcher1003 · 7 months ago

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how did you know you were aro?

I don't know what I am gonna type out here or even if it will make sense. A lot has happened in the last 3 years since the time I started to question my sexuality. I will try to put it into words and keep it short (I did not in fact keep it short and I am sorry for that but you don't have to read through this messy story).

So first, my exposure to queer media. During lockdown I started reading Percy Jackson books where they mentioned the hunters of Artemis, one of the conditions to join them is that you have to take an oath to turn your back on company of men and any kind of romantic approach from any gender or sexuality. I found that idea interesting and I thought to myself how hard could that be, if that's the condition I would happily join them in an instant? When scrolling through some posts about hunters of Artemis I came across the term aro/ace. At that time I didn't think much of it. I never had a crush on anyone and I always thought it was because I was too young to be interested in romance (I was 14 at the time) and assumed that everyone my age was like that, note that it was lockdown so I wasn't going to school which is why I didn't know about the crushes and romantic interests of kids my age. So, the whole lockdown was the time when I became very interested in the queer community, I saw several posts on pinterest regarding this and made a board and thought of myself as merely an ally.

Then schools opened and there were couples all around. I was like gotta focus on studies, don't have time for this, blah blah blah. Also, that year a lot of other shit happened and the pressure of exams and getting good grades was taking toll on my mental health. I was too busy breaking down every other day because of that pressure to think about anything else.

Anyways that shit passed, I was in 11th grade and then came the real sexuality crisis. Some new students transferred to our school and one of them became really close friend. She got a boyfriend and started spending more time with him (which is bound to happen I know now but past me was experiencing it all for the first time) and I felt left out because now we were spending less time together and even when we were together she mostly talked about him. Tbh I was jealous and I thought this was a crush. I thought I liked her (romantically) and I thought a lot about the whole "turn your back on company of men" and came to the conclusion that I am not interested in men still and not even women but just her. That's when I also learnt about demiromanticism and it did click a lot of things in place for me. Like I always thought that the idea of love at first sight was unrealistic when it was shown in movies and questioned how can you fall in love without knowing a person properly and also believed that you need to be really close to a person to actually know them, so overall that term resonated with me. I knew I was asexual but at this point I started to dive more into the concept of aromanticism and the whole spectrum. I was convinced that I had a crush on her. Again a lot of shit happened and I realised that it wasn't a crush, my feelings weren't romantic, it was purely platonic and I was jealous because I became very close with her and suddenly the focus of our friendship shifted from us to him, I was very emotionally attached to her as well because I haven't had a friendship like that in a long time so when she became entirely focused on her boyfriend, I felt like an outsider. It took me a whole ass year to figure this out. And in between that time I gaslighted myself into thinking that I had a crush on this another guy because she asked me if I did and I thought this is what a crush must feel like so I said yes. But as I talked more to that guy, I just, idk how to describe it but it was not exactly comfortable for me, as long as we were having a normal convo about our interests I was fine and actually talked happily but when he started to flirt and I imagined myself in a romantic relationship with him, it felt weird to me, it was not something I wanted, it was just ugh. Anyways, what I realised from that time with that guy is that what I thought was romantic attraction was just me being excited to interact with a human being who was actually interested in me and gave attention to me (you can blame my childhood for that). I also kind of realised that it was how I felt about my friend. But it was more difficult for me to distinguish between romantic attraction and a wish to have a close friendship in her case because I was already emotionally attached to her. End of the story, a series of very chaotic events and break downs lead to me realising that I only wanted her as a close friend, I couldn't imagine myself in a romantic relationship with her and I was only bothered by her having a boyfriend because it momentarily threatened the close bond that we had formed. Now, everything is fine (more or less), there is more clarity between us and we are still very close. During this mess I also questioned if I was poly but I figured I am not. There's more to this crisis but I have already written a LOT so not going into the chaotic details. Sorry for making it so long.

(Edit: One more thing I realised about myself is that I was always so unaware about the supposedly romantic interactions of allos around me unless it was really obvious, blatant or put right into my face. Like even when my best friend and her boyfriend were in the flirting stage I didn't realise they were actually flirting, I just thought they were close friends and that was pretty normal thing for friends to do, so, yeah this realisation had a great hand in me figuring out I am aro. Thinking of romance in other people's life is fine but when it comes to me I find it hard) So sorry for making the post even lengthier :/

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writing-with-olive · 3 years ago

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How to show that a character is bi/ace/pan/gay/lesbian/aro etc when worldbuilding doesn't let you use those words

So first of all, this is a post brought to you all by popular demand, as it was the top-ranked topic in this survey: https://forms.gle/qN4zsEX3oCy1Btwq7 (if you want to voice opinions for future posts, please hop over there and fill it out - it only takes like a minute)

Getting into it, I will acknowlege that yes, technically you are the one who is doing the worldbuilding and thus, there is nothing you technically cannot do with it. This post is mostly made for people who have a certain vibe going with the universe they've constructed that doesn't support words that feel very modern-day or have those kinds of modern connotations to them. (other such words might include things like millionaire, HIV, rylon, etc).

Step 1: break it down.

Each of the orientation labels listed above (as well as other orientation labels I didn't include) are designed to be a shorthand to communicate an experience or facet of someone's identity. That means if you take away the label, there are still words to describe it. So maybe your worldbuilding doesn't have the term pan in it, but it does include people who are attracted to others without regard to gender. Maybe your worldbuilding doesn't have the term aro, but it does include people who are interested in are interested in friendships, and/or sleeping with people, but don't really have any intent of finding a partner.

For each character's orientation you want to include, figure out what the definition is, and use the words that exist in your world to describe it.

Step 2: show it.

Because most media plays into that "straight by default" worldview, unless you show that your character is cononically queer, readers are going to assume that they're straight (and no, avoiding it on page, and then just saying "wait actually they really are queer" after the fact is not the way to go about this - it is a form of queerbaiting).

You have a couple options when it comes to showing a character's orientation thatyou can mix and match.

The first is showing their attractions/relationships, or referencing past attractions/relationships they've had. If a character is a lesbian, she may have had a girlfriend in the past. In fact, she might even have one now. Show it. If a character is pan, maybe they've had relationships with people of different genders.

The other thing is pretty much just getting a character to say it.

Some examples:

"oooohhhh does protag have a crush????" friend teased. Protag swatted them "shut up. you know I don't get crushes."

"I dunno. The whole boy/girl thing's never really been a factor. If they're cute, I'm done for."

"I know her," she said, "we used to be together."

Another thing I've found is that using terms like bi or ace sometimes feel off, but using the full word - so bisexual or asexual - has a tendancy to fit in a lot better. I'm not entirely sure why, but my guess is that it feels a lot less slangy.

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 years ago

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Hello! I just wanted to start off by saying that I love all your TWST analysis posts. They're so insightful and well-thought-out. They've made me consider a lot of characters from new angles too (something I appreciate; I absolutely adore reading a take on a character I hadn't considered before and being like "...Dang."). I read your critiques of TWST as a dating sim and dating sims in general and I have to say... Sweet Snapdragons, those were some of the most validating takes I've read in...probably ever. I'm aro/ace and, since I don't feel romantic attraction, I place a greater emphasis on the platonic and familial bonds in my life. Personally, some of my favorite things about TWST are its nuanced views on romance (showcased in the Ghost Marriage/Phantom Bride event) and the lack of overt romance in the game as well as the focus on other types of love and relationships. I can certainly understand why so many people want a TWST dating sim and I'm by no means trying to shame people for that. Heck, the TWST fic I'm working on has a romance element to it (mostly I just looked at my OCs personality and picked four potential love interests based on who I thought she'd gel the best with), but her platonic relationships (and those of the other characters) are just as important and her bonds with her family, whom she's currently separated from and desperately wants to get back to, are probably the most important ones for her. I don’t think I would've been able to make my story or my MC work if the source material was a dating sim, especially the Harveston event since none of her love interests are present for that one. I 100% agree with what you said about TWST offering fans the creative freedom to make so many unique OCs and takes on bonds (platonic or romantic) with the boys because there aren't rigidly defined routes or guidelines. Again, I'm not trying to shame anyone for what they like and I sincerely hope this doesn't come off that way. It was just...amazingly gratifying to read similar takes from someone else, especially someone whose opinions I've really come to respect. Thank you for taking the time to read this rambling. Have a great day!

[Referencing this post and this post!]

Hi, I’m glad that you enjoy my own ramblings so much 🤣 and that those ramblings have helped you in some way. I often feel like I’m alone (or at least in the minority) when it comes to a lot of my TWST takes, so I’m really happy that other people feel gratified and validated by reading the thoughts that I put out into the fandom.

I agree with you, I really enjoy that TWST has really nuanced views on romance (I happened to write an analysis on that if you were interested and haven’t already taken a look!) and that it stresses the importance of friendship and familial love too. A lot of us love TWST because it offers us so much freedom of expression and freedom of interpretation when it comes to its characters and its relationships. I always love seeing what kinds of creative things the fandom comes up with! ^^

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us! And please feel free to do it again if the urge ever hits you, the inbox is always open for word vomiting 🥰

#notes from the writing raven #feedback for the writing raven

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thatsamericano · 3 years ago

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Some Sexuality Headcanons for this Story

Since Alfred trying to figure out his sexuality has become a bigger part of this story, there will be at least some brief mentions of the sexualities of some other characters in this story. So here are the headcanons I’m using.

Matthew: straight, and he hasn’t looked into it much, but I think if he did, he might realize he’s on the ace or aro spectrums too. He hasn’t been interested in that many girls other than Katya, but I don’t think it was quite as extreme as Alfred’s fixation on Savino and no one else.

Katya: bisexual, and she’s really happy about her boyfriend wearing his ally shirt to school even though he was doing it for his brother after he got bullied because it feels like a statement of support for her as well. Her boyfriend is straight, but she feels comfortable talking about her attraction to girls with him because he’s a secure, supportive straight guy.

Magnus: gay, and his type is dudes that are smaller/skinnier than him (so his boyfriend Lukas, and Savino just a little, although Alfred is completely oblivious about the Savino part, LOL)

Tolys: bi, and his boyfriend Feliks is pan. They’re fine with each other using the terms that make them most comfortable.

Emma: lesbian, and right now Savino and Katya are the only ones who know. Savino because he’s Emma’s ex-boyfriend and their breakup did have to do with the fact that she’s a lesbian, and Katya because she asked why Emma had been avoiding eating lunch with everyone even after getting back in touch with Savino. They become closer after Emma comes out to her because they’re both WLW, but in a friendship way since Katya just wants to be with Matthew and Emma is fine being friends too after she gets over her one-sided crush.

Kiku: I’m leaning towards making him ace/aro since I haven’t given him a boyfriend or girlfriend, but I’m not sure if he has officially labeled himself yet. This factors into the plot because Kiku senses that Alfred is like him in this respect and just doesn’t like people that way (which was true before Savino showed up in his life). He’s known Alfred since the third grade, and Alfred has never had a crush on anyone or even mentioned finding a celebrity attractive. When Savino asks him about Alfred soon after he starts sitting at their lunch table, Kiku basically says Alfred is ace/aro without using that exact terminology since he doesn’t want to label Alfred without his permission. It also factors into why he’s so awkward when he runs into Alfred and Savino in the library, because they were making out in a very heated way. Even if Kiku could be romantically interested in people, I don’t think he’d feel comfortable making out with them like that even behind closed doors, so he felt very uncomfortable seeing his friends like that in a semi-public setting.

Antonio, Augusto, Savino, and Feliciano: All bi, and Chiara is in the midst of figuring herself out, but I think she’ll end up calling herself bi too. For Savino and Feliciano, part of the reason they go with bi rather than other terms is that Antonio and their nonno call themselves bi, so they like the family connection. Savino also isn’t a fan of explaining his sexuality to people, so he doesn’t want to use some term and then get a “what’s that?” in response. With Savino specifically, he’s more frequently attracted to girls or woman-aligned people, so he can’t say gender isn’t a factor for him, and pansexual is not a good fit. I think Chiara will end up using bi for all the reasons Savino does (liking a girl is new for her, she doesn’t want to explain it to people, and she likes calling herself bi the way some people in her family do).

Arthur: gay as the day is long, and he was particularly loud about it back in high school when he was dealing with his homophobic parents (hence stuff like rainbow glitter jeans). He can still be loud about it as an adult, like with his Elton John Halloween costume he wore a few years before the story starts.

Francis: pansexual, though for most of his life he would have used the term bisexual since that’s been around longer. When he found the term pansexual, it really resonated for him, so he mostly switched over to using that. He doesn’t mind explaining it to people, though he does get tired of the jokes about being attracted to pans (but he thinks if people are being that shitty about it, they wouldn’t be much better if he said he was bi).

Alfred: At this point, he definitely knows he is capable of being attracted to Savino and gender-variant versions of his boyfriend. Pansexual might fit him, but he isn’t sure about using that as a label since his sexuality is so confusing to him already that he doesn’t want to get more questions about it and would be more sensitive to jokes about him being attracted to pans than Francis is. Before this story, he basically thought he was ace/aro but didn’t have the words for it. He’s definitely not completely ace or aro because of Savino, but he’s on both spectrums, and I think he might settle on calling himself gray-romantic and gray-sexual eventually. Demisexual is sort of close too, because he only realized he was attracted to Savino that way after knowing him for months but may have had unrecognized sexual attraction before that, but demiromantic doesn’t because he definitely fell in love with Savino at first sight even if he didn’t get that’s what was happening to him at the time. He avoids discussing his sexuality with specific terminology most of the time because it’s not anyone’s business and he’s insecure about the fact that it seems weird and complicated compared to everyone else’s. He might use the bi/pan label and then follow it up with the ace and aro spec labels because the ace and aro spec part is just as important to him as the gender thing if not more so. But he’d only do that with someone he’s close to who he feels he can trust and who will believe him when he says he’s bi but really only attracted to his boyfriend and imaginary gender-variant versions of him.

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kraiyan · 3 years ago

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i made my own little headcannons to fit in if michael and jeremy were dating and a bunch of other stuff that i don’t want to spoil so take my headcannons and please don’t pay attention to my overuse of the words ‘so’ and ‘like’

i wrote this headcannons for me in my notes so there are mentions of panic/anxiety attacks, light mentions of an eating disorder, nightmares, and self harm but i’ll just put a trigger warning for when those parts show up and if i missed anything that is triggering please let me know

- michael is trans and gay and jeremy is bisexual

- i think they would’ve been friends since kindergarten so they grew up telling each other EVERYTHING

- i feel like michael was really girly as a kid but in like 6th grade he just completely switched to like tomboy but he didn’t do on purpose it just happened

- then in seventh grade michael told jeremy he wanted to be a boy then after that with help from jeremy he came out to his moms

- michael had a crush in jeremy since 7th grade but i don’t think jeremy was his first crush

- i think since michael was straight when he was a girl he just assumed he was straight as a boy and his sexual awakening was captain sparklez

- michael has two moms and jeremys mom would’ve died in a car accident so it’s just him and his dad

- i imagine they confessed to each other in their second year of high school

- (TW: mentions of abuse) jeremy realized he liked michael in freshman year and it was really bad he could not stop thinking about him so when he got squip squip l would not stop punishing him for it

- so jeremy definitely has some problems with his bisexuality

- after years of pining for each other when they finally kissed jeremy could not stop panicking about it

- like they went to sleep fine but he was internally panicking and he tried to keep it together but the next day he absolutely broke just started sobbing saying over and over again “is this okay, are we okay”

- michael is the type to listen to a vulgar music to help his dysphoria

- so him and jeremy are in his car michael plugs in his phone and just starts singings “hoes want to be seen with me and i like their big thick titties”

- and jeremy can do nothing else but be like michael what the fuck

- they decided to keep their relationship a secret and not tell anyone bc of jeremy still coming to terms with himself and he didn’t think his dad would understand

- but i feel like michael moms had already pieced together that they were dating and jeremy didn’t mind that they knew bc they’re literally lesbians but every time jeremy came over from that point forward they had to keep their door open

-(TW: mention of an eating disorder) in a different angstier au jeremy would struggle with eating as a control thing after squip

- (TW: mention of an eating disorder) in an angstier au michael would have an eating disorder cause dysphoria

- i feel like once he realized he was trans he had really bad dysphoria but like with therapy and stuff he got over it

- so i think michael really liked afycso and had it on a vinyl and now jeremy knows all the words

- they don’t do anything at school because jeremy is still uncomfortable so they just pursuit their relationship between closed doors and michaels car in an empty parking lot

- i feel like they both got really excited when michael got referred to as sir for the first time

- jeremy and michael grew up together but ironically when puberty hit michael started to wear baggy clothes than he wore a binder than he wore super baggy clothes to hide his tits after coming out but during squip he had time to self reflect and work on his dysphoria so when jeremy saw michael outside of school he kinda said TITS and was so caught off guard by them

-(TW: mentions of self harm scars) i think michael has sh scars due to losing his childhood best friend and the whole panic attack in the bathroom thing and jeremys seen them but didn’t bring it up to michael because they’re fading so he obviously doesn’t do it anymore but it was a huge shock for jeremy to find out

- they never brought it up tho and it was never discussed bc who cares it was in the past

- michael pants his nails black and i think on some very rare occasion jeremy would paint his nails too (like the way karl paint his) and michael has lots of nail polish cuz on the rare occasion he paints his nails different colors and he repainted his nails every two weeks

- no matter how many times michael has changed in the same room as jeremy even let jeremy help take off his binder jeremy will never not get shy when he changes and will always ask to go into another room

- jeremy is a coffee person but not hot coffe because he always drinks it too early and burns his tongue

- he originally bought his hoodie™️ in really huge size to battle dysphoria but that just made the hoodie last for years

- jeremys name in michaels phone is something very gay and lovey and shit and michaels name on jeremys phone is just michael :)

- jeremy would come home all suspicious and and red faced after him and michael came from an empty parking lot that his dad would not stop begging him to meet this girlfriend of his

- i don’t think jeremy told his dad him and michael were playing a game or something and they kiss jeremys dad comes in and is like what 😦

-and his dad is shocked that he has been pushing girlfriend but he has a boyfriend and is just soooooo awkward about it and never sees michael the same but never makes any rules about them bc he doesn’t want to be homophobic 😭

- i don’t think he was really not supportive but it took him a bit to get used to it but it was so new to him and he was just so phased he just kinda talked to jeremy about his sexuality then left it at that

- they are like gendebend bubbline (marshal lee and the other one yk)

- michael has a queen vinyl the listen to a lot

- so i think michael would still smoke a bit and one time he convinced jeremy to do it with him and jeremy mainly coughed a lot then they just made out the rest of the time but they didn’t tell their parents they would be staying out after school and they both got in trouble

- michael gets blue raspberry and jeremy gets cherry but he also gets coke sometimes too (slushy flavors)

- at the beginning of their relationship they had to take it really slow so that jeremy would feel coqmfortable

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) so jeremy has nightmares of squip and he wakes up having panic attacks and it’s really tiring bc he only gets 2 hours of sleep if he has these nightmares

- (TW: mentions of panic attacks) i feel like along with his nightmares he also had panic attacks that squip would punish him for pursuing a relationship with a guy let alone michael

- so after he got over his nightmares he just struggled with sleeping and nighttime in general like just fear around going to sleep

- so he often stayed up alll night to avoid sleeping and would like go to bed at 6 or on a good day 4 or 5

- so i think to get over his fear he had to make a routine first he would make some sort of hot drink or just water (mostly sleepy time tea) then he would text michael that he was going to sleep he also wears the same pajamas every time he goes to sleep just to make sure the routine really works then lastly he reads a comic book then he goes to bed

- i think the reason jeremy couldn’t sleep well after getting over the nightmares is because even if squip doesn’t haunt him enough to show up in his dreams anymore it still haunts him enough to stress him out constantly so he doesn’t sleep well

- to conclude the nightmare and sleeping saga jeremy basically has a night routine and sleeps with a night light

- i feel like they both go to therapy but we’re to scared to tell each other (and they both started going to therapy before they started dating)

- so fast forward they’re dating and are trying to plan a date and jeremys like i’m busy on monday at 1 and my dad needs me to help him with something on tuesday so how about wednesday at 3 and michaels like i have somewhere to be like at 3:30 and jeremys like where do you have to be and michaels like where do YOU have to be and so they count to three and say where they’re going to be and they both say therapy and then they’re like you go to therapy i think that would be so cute

- so michael has really thick glasses like his vision is awful so if jeremy is mad at michael he would wake up early and move his glasses over so michael would have to struggle to get out of bed and look for them with his poor ass vision

- he can see things right in front of his face but as soon as it moves a bit too far it’s blurry

- and speaking of his galsses if they’re really kissing along the way jeremy would take of his glasses so they could get closer to each other’s faces (like how elle and tao do in heartstopper )

- michael and jeremy have been friends way too long to not have practiced kissing with each other

- i think christine was a long time crush for jeremy so he definitely practiced kissing michael a lot since they were in 6th grade and michael was just soaking that shit up

- he’d be like what if she wants to make out we should practice that and jeremys like oh yeah you’re right and michael would be so freaking happy

- but they definitely got caught by jeremys dad and he laughed it off cause what else are you meant to when your 11 year old son and his 12 year old best friend are kissing each other

- they didn’t do it anymore after that cause they were soooooooooo embarrassed

- so i don’t talk about the rest of the characters but i’m about to make a headcannon including them so i’m gonna say my headcannons

- so chole is demisexual and panromantic

- brooke is a lesbian

- rich is bisexual and trans

- jake is pan

- jenna is questioning or straight

- and christine is aro/ace

- so i think jeremy and christine dated for a bit then christine broke up with him cause she was all like i can see the way you look at michael and also because she realized she was feeling intense platonic attraction not romantic

- and also i think they’re all friends so they have a group chat where they send homework answers and stuff

- so i think one time jeremy is doing his nighttime routine but this particular night he’s really tired so he texts michael goodnight bby <3 love u then skips the comic book reading and goes to bed but he sent it to their group chat so as soon as he got situated into bed all he hears is his phone going off so he has to check and it’s just everyone freaking out

- so he like fully sits up is looking at his phone in complete shock then realizes he never said a name so they are like who’s this mystery girl

- so he calls michael tells him about the situation then decides he’s ready to come out

- so the next day they’re more handsy then usual like jeremy wiped something off his face michael saw that he was cold and pulled him real close and their friends are like okayyyyy

- but mind you christine knew that jeremy liked michael so she knew exactly what was happening

- so at the end of the day their friend group is making plans to hang out but everyone was busy so jeremy goes well i’ll see you guys tomorrow waves at everyone kisses michael then starts walking to his house then michaels like yea i’m gonna head home to and like drives away and from that day forward their friends would not stop teasing them and were impressed they could keep there secret for so long

- so i feel like michaels moms both have jobs that run late so mom #1 is an er nurse and mom #2 is an account so this leaves michael a lot of time of being alone in his house so naturally you need to take advantage

- so one time mom #2 gets home and walks in just to see jeremy fully on the counter making out with her son

- i don’t think they got in trouble but his mom was like please not on the counter

- and then there was another time where mom #1 came home on her break cause she doesn’t live far from the er so she like yells to michael that she’s home

- and so naturally you come down to hug your mom so he comes down to greet his mom with a red faced jeremy behind him and his mom thought this was so fucking funny but as soon as she’s done laughing she immediately goes anytime jeremys over the doors open and that was the end of it

- everyone has this one thing that someone does that make them all blushy and stuff

- for jeremy it’s when michael wears fitting clothes cause michael is known to wear hoodies or just baggy clothes in general so when michael does get hot and needs to like put something on he puts on one of those body fitting v necks and jeremy losses his shit like he’s fully blushing and avoiding eye contact and since michael changed cause he was hot he’s sure that jeremy is so hot that his face is turning red and he’s embarrassed to say to take off his cardigan so the entire time jeremy is being full homo for his boyfriend michael is thinking he’s about to pass out from a heat stroke

- so i think jeremy enjoys this so much that for the first week of spring michael will only wear fitted clothes because jeremy loves it

- for michael it’s when he’s kissing jeremys neck and jeremy runs his hand thru his hair and pulls it a little when this happens michael loses all common sense one because jeremys enjoying himself so much that he has to kinda tug on michaels hair and two he’s enjoying it so much he doesn’t have time to think that squip is going to punish him and that makes michael just lose his mind so by the time they’ve pulled apart jeremy as sooooo many hickies and they both look at each other like what the fuck did we just do

- moving right along i feel like when jeremy wakes up at night and is terrified to go back to sleep if him and michael are sleeping together he will like hug him until he gets back to sleep and it works every time

- when they were like 7 jeremy got really sick with the flu and michael was so scared that he was going to die so he kissed him while he was sleeping because if his best friend was gonna die so was he and the next day he got really sick with the flu and jeremy would not stop crying because he thought that since michael refused to leave his side he got him sick…they’re idiots

- jeremy is the type to go to school with the worst fever ever he could throw up in the middle of the school day and still not go to the nurse and if he got sick during junior year forget it you had to strap him down to his bed if you wanted him to take a day off like michael had to sedecue him into staying in bed and taking medication so that he could feel better

#be more chill #boyf riends #bmc #bmc headcanons #bmc michael #bmc jeremy

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captainkirbypunch · 4 years ago

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My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted.

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often.

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly.

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things.

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in.

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there.

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

#Invader Zim #zadr #tagr #rapr #zagr #mdzadr #MelodyoftheVoid

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divagonzo · 3 years ago

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Little bit of Ace History***

... for those who are doing headcanons for Pride month.

*** History being from the last generation. So... recent history.

***************

While Asexual was in the grad school text books, it was, as a queer orientation, on the fringes for considerably longer than Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans. It wasn’t spoken of except in queer spaces and even then, it was more of an after-thought. Like the Mesopotamians (and Mayans independently) - people couldn’t and, somewhat, can’t fathom those who don’t feel sexual attraction (or those who don’t feel romantic attraction or some who have no attraction romantically or sexually.)

Since society is built on populations, the presumption that everyone wants sex or engages in it and those who don’t are aberrant - is a hindrance to those of us who don’t feel it (or, like some, like the idea in theory but not in practice, or those who it’s once in a lifetime (my spouse) or those who have to know someone for a long period of time before thinking, “Would I consider getting physical with them?” (aka Me!) or those who have sexual repulsion - and they are as valid as anyone else under the Asexual spectrum umbrella.)

Asexual was, originally, under the Bisexual umbrella - and like many Bi people of the earlier eras (and sadly still happening) being told they aren’t queer enough for A) The community and B) not Gay enough to be included. (Hence my absolute loathing to gatekeepers for having gone through it back in the early 90s!) Toss in the derision towards bi/pan people who “are selfish/greedy/can’t make up their mind / teases / etc” and you have a boiling pot of potential gatekeeping, especially for those who could really use some informational resources so they know that they aren’t broken & nothing is wrong with how they are.

Yes, Asexual was listed on the fringes but it wasn’t until the early Naughts that the word even made it to notice - much less being more accepted openly. But the biggest kicker is that while being Gay was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Model (what is used by American Psychiatry for diagnosing not normal behavior) in 1973..... being Asexual wasn’t removed until 2013.

Yes, you read that right. 2013. The first published college text on Asexuality wasn’t published until 2012 - and written from a heterosexual white male perspective (and it’s a bit rubbish by comparison to casual anecdotes from those in the community and on AVEN. I know. I bought the book and read it.) While the elderly spinster dowager is more socially acceptable, being a man/male and being Ace in a society that says that men have to be hypersexual.... is harmful to them, too, especially when they are too hindered to be able to come out and say, “I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone.”

Having no sexual attraction to others was considered aberrant behaviors. And for some, it still is, especially those who think that Ace people (and Aros too, y’all aren’t being forgotten!) should be sexually available to anyone and everyone - and some sods think that the attitude of “You’ve not met the right one” or “I’ll f* you to fix you” is helpful and not actively oppressive or harmful.

Obviously (insert professional quality eyeroll here) people need medications because they don’t want to f* every walking human who passes by - which is toxic even in a hypersexual society. There must be something wrong with them if they aren’t out at a bar looking for a casual hook-up / one night stand.

Why do I bring this up?

I read a posting and it mentioned a fictional character being out as AroAce in 1994.

Jessica Rabbit was a thing back in 1988. But the terms for her besides the negative ones weren’t there ‘til a decade later, if not longer.

While I love the idea that this knowledge was available in the era, I have to take Umbridge (while not detracting from their post) that this is vastly incorrect and harmful to those of us who lived through this era and struggled for decades (yes, I said decades) to know that being Ace is fine and dandy. It’s hard to research harder when you don’t even know a starting point to go look this information up - especially when it was mostly limited to just blooming Queer studies courses in colleges and everything was either published journals or hidden inside academic speak of graduate schools. (I took a couple of undergrad psychology classes and I went back and looked and the terms weren’t even in the books. This was 1995, for those in Rio Linda and Blackpool.)

There’s plenty of my peers who are just now coming to understand that the feelings of dissociation, loathing, guilt, apathy aren’t because they are with the wrong person. It’s performative behavior towards others and personally harmful. It’s letting people f* you so they are content when it’s personally harmful (especially if consent isn’t completely clear.

What would have been said in 1994 was that “he must be gay” even if he was dating a girl and nothing was happening physically. “She must be his beard” would have been said too if performative behaviors weren’t happening. Why? Because being Asexual wasn’t a thing in the era AT ALL. It wasn’t even considered.

Hell, even now there are people*** who will not believe you when you say that you don’t want to have sex - as men or women or non-binary. No, they must fix you by non-consenting means & their warped logic for the resultant trauma will magically make you want to have sex with people.

Ewwww. Hell no.

I have someone I know who has been repeatedly subjected to their consent being violated when they said no - because they are Ace and people (both of the binary for this person) refused to take No for an answer and.... well, you can fill in the blanks.

Or the not funny bits of “Oh you must be a potato” and other derision of you not being potentially sexually available for other people. This especially goes for those who are Heteroromantic Ace people - like family I have.

I was the first one they came out to, because I’ve been pretty loud about it in SM spaces. They felt safe to say such to me, especially with an, “OK. Cool” reply to it.

I didn’t want them to struggle mentally and emotionally (when they were already neurodivergent) thinking something was wrong with them by not wanting to have icky squicky physical relationships. But by being there, armed with knowledge now it saved them decades of grief and emotional turmoil.

My radical kindness is being the space the baby aces need so they can have a human resource for them, so they know they aren’t broken, that they are valid and accepted, and that they don’t have to behave in certain ways to feel accepted - especially in the queer community.

So yeah, sex might be cool but how about acceptance of people who lived in the era who didn't have the world at their fingertips to know themselves, much less the language to even have a label that fit.

#Ace discourse #Ace History #cw:#cw: generic mentions of non-consenting behaviors #I didn't wish to detract from the Cho post #but I couldn't let it slide either #it rankles me that some think that the knowledge has always been widely know #and accepted #when that's a load of rubbish

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alumort · 4 years ago

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@lotus-baby @depressedhatakekakashi

Today I offer you, the fix-it au of sorts i have regarding shippuden/boruto and that, because i keep forgetting to write it down:

- this is kinda self indulgent and is the general canon(?) of some of my fics so this is for reference, too xd (though i don't focus on more detailed aspects so this is for that). i can't focus on all characters but there's mostly stuff for; naruto, hinata, sakura, team gai and kakashi.

long post ahead:

Naruto

(trans, bi & poly)

he always wanted to be hokage, but it was more about the respect the hokage gets– few people treated him well. but if he became the leader of the village, he would be finally respected by civilians and ninjas alike.

they would stop being so mean with him without apparent reason. and after the pain arc, he becomes a hero and they all finally start treating him with the respect he had wanted for so long. so i think he would be satisfied with that and become a jounin instead. maybe even an anbu.

he still gets married with hinata and the last happens, though neither of them feel like it's... genuine. they're friends and all, they still have himawari and boruto– but they're not really happy?

naruto still likes sasuke, and had been hanging out with gaara since he came back from his trip with jiraiya. hinata realizes that the kind of love he feels with sasuke is stronger than the one they both have.

the next time sasuke comes to the village, naruto and hinata separate– but they're both alright with that. Neither naruto nor sasuke have many ties with the village and naruto started kinda crushing on gaara after a while, so they both move to Suna with him and are very happy together(sasuke sometimes goes nomadic for his missions but always sends letters to his boyfriends).

without the responsibilities of naruto being hokage, he in turn becomes a more present dad with himawari and boruto and they're very happy :) they see each other on weekends and naruto doesn't miss any important dates anymore.

gaara still adopts shinki, who loves his siblings very much and is very protective of them.

Hinata

(non binary, grayro & bi)

They're known for doing very good medicinal balms since the first Chunin exam. i think she could just.. Straight up sell some, if she needs to. i think they like gardening so maybe she grows her own herbs and plants, and starts a mini store of natural remedies that are very good. and shampoos and soaps and they becomes actually popular with their crafts.

this started becoming more occurrent when she and naruto were about to go on their own ways. They move back to the hyuga compound with her kids for a while and works more on that, with boruto helping her on this and him finding out that's actually very relaxing. it becomes their shared hobby and they bond with that, too. himawari just likes drawing but helps from time to time too.

Hinata became friends with tenten because she was interested on the spiritual side of the plants, as she likes fortune-telling. i think tenten does witchcraft too, more as a family tradition thing but still being very passionate about it.

after a while hinata kind of started having a crush on tenten because, well. naruto was someone that always did his best to get what he wanted, and tenten is like that too– with her weapons shop and that.

so they just... told her. but tenten didn't like her that way, or anyone. still holds hinata very closely in her heart, but not in a romantic/sexual way– they move together some months before boruto's seventh birthday, and they may not be dating but they still make it work.

later, when they have been together for years and years and people still wonder the nature of their relationship, they discover the term 'queerplatonic' and they feel like that's the word for what they have.

Tenten

(trans, non sam aro)

she is very happy with her weapons shop. started getting closer to hinata, though it wasn't romantic love what she felt– it was stronger than friendship, but. didn't had a name.

after hinata confesses, tenten is very confused and turns her down. she doesn't feel the same way, but... the thought of living with them was really nice. they end up moving together after a while, and enjoy each other's company a lot.

tenten still does her fortune-telling and ends up teaching hinata, boruto and himawari too. its a thing from her family, so it made sense for her to teach to her partner and kids.

Sakura

(demiromantic)

in part one, she was considered the best one out of her team. even sasuke said she was better than him, on genjutsu. she was smart until misogyny from kishimoto acted up, so we'll use the original concept without the misogyny.

smart, even better than an uchiha who even said to her that she was better... it's no wonder that she ended up being the hokage after kakashi. she was trained by a sannin, who was also hokage before kakashi... it makes sense if you really think of it!

well. she's the hokage and is living with ino, they have two kids- sarada, which sasuke helped conceive, and inojin. inojin was an orphan from the yamanaka clan that ino took in.

(sai is a father figure for him, and inojin even calls him dad– nobody minds, sai even smiles when that happens.)

back with sakura. she is a very strong and lovely woman, and is organized though she gets irritated easily so everyone knows to not mess stuff on purpose.

she has a long time as the leader of konoha, and is very loved and missed on the time of her retirement.

Kakashi

(trans, gay)

He pretty much spends most days with his husband after retirement– always made up excuses to cuddle with him instead of going to work when he was Hokage. Is more clingy than he lets show publicly.

He is very happy now than before. Takes a lot of photos as Suikea, and so far only Gai noticed it was him, but doesn't really mind.

Gai

(genderfluid, demisexual)

He moved in with kakashi after he recovered from the war. they were planning it since pain's invasion but life happens™ and they couldn't, then war started...

after everything is over, he makes sure to stay on contact with his team- they're his kids and he loves them with all his heart. makes sure to send them letters when they can't meet for a while for reasons. sometimes they all have dinner together and are very happy :)

Neji

(non binary, reciproro ace)

Neji almost dies in the war, but sakura managed to save him and that kind of started a friendship between the two. They get chronic pain because of all the injuries he suffered, but it's getting manageable with medicine and physical therapy. though sometimes its too bad to get up, but they go walking with hinata almost daily- she goes to his house and usually realizes something is wrong. either her, metal or lee realize and help him on the really bad days.

neji also has some birds and they all have silly names/names that rhyme– the older ones are called feather and heather, for example. they really love them.

Lee

(bi ace, sometime i write him as trans too)

He's still a jounin here and is very good at it. Sometimes he has to leave the village for entire months, but he always send his family and team stuff so they know he's alright.

Neji and him at first weren't going to have kids at all, but lee just saw metal and grew attached to him. They end up adopting him and the three are really happy, even if at first its complicated to adapt™ the two love their kid with all of their heart.

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toysoldiers-rwby · 4 years ago

Text

[CS] 7. Intermission

Cutting Strings

Characters: Team APCX, Winter, May Word Count: 4k

A small break before Atlas Academy starts.

Read on Ao3

PREV - NEXT

Error: File Protected. Reason: Intermission.

General Ironwood called a meeting with his most trusted leaders. Penny stood next to her father and the pair was mostly silent. Winter and Clover did a wonderful job reasoning with General Ironwood. But, must to Penny’s pride, it only took one line and a serious look from Winter.

"You paired Aurora and Xanthic together, sir."

The room was silent for a long time. Everyone was tense, even her own father. Whatever history that brought up seemed to subdue the General a little. He passed Team APCX to the Specialist Schnee under two conditions. The first is that Xanthic will continued to be tightly monitored. Winter agreed. Penny watched her carefully, trying to separate the lies and the truth. She had a small tell, a micro twitch of her jaw when she lied.

“I guarantee Xanthic will have no unauthorized form of communication.” Winter said.

She kept the backdoor Scroll a secret.

Aro and her father redesigned the gravity cuffs to looked more like normal bracelets. Xanthic requested some thickness to be returned to it for a ‘punk’ aesthetic. Aro increased it by a few millimeters and added unnecessary studs and lights.

Winter had Military Technicans outfit Xanthic’s home with surveillance equipment with the exception of the bedrooms and restrooms. A member of the Ace-Ops or Robyn’s team would be with her at all times.

Over the past week Penny learned it was formal talk for ‘hanging out’ as Joanna had put it. Everyone seemed fond of her garden and the rare patch of grass on Atlas. During one visit with Winter, they had found Xanthic lounging outside, basking in the rare sun while Elm and Joanna argued about the correct methods of eating a tomato growing in the garden. Joanna bit into it like an apple much to Elm’s cringe.

In the mornings she’d work on Billy, who now had more than a headbutting function and could understand simple commands such as sit and stay. Afterwards she’d visit Xanthic then return to the facility together to train. Aro and Ciel’s schedule varied due to work and school, but they were there for at least an hour every day.

Penny greatly enjoyed her new routine. Until it became routine for her to fail. She was an engineering marvel of software and hardware, yet all members of the Ace-Ops, Winter, and even Fiona had beaten her with ease.

Today her opponent was Aro. It felt like a downgrade even if reason told her the usual elite graduates were just away on a mission. Penny wasn’t as confident as she should be. Her algorithms calculated a 0% chance of losing. It was the same software that provided an inaccurate of assessment of Winter’s summons. Still Penny was determined not to fail.

But the mechanic was nearly impossible to hit.

No matter the angle Penny attacked from, Aro was able to dodge like she was a fish in the sea. Gliding left, skidding right, hovering in place when idle or flying like a bullet during attacks.

Penny pulled back Floating Array and deleted her previous assessment and calculations. They favored in a normal civilian. Not one with a stylish audio and Aura sensing instrument that acted like a 360 camera.

Aro grinned. She stopped floating, Penny could hair the faint clicks and other mechanisms in her legs as it ejected empty Dust cartridges. She opened a vent to release the built up steam. Penny was instantly on edge. Her own systems weren’t as sophisticated as Aro’s sensory horns, Penny heavily relied on visual analysis. If Aro used that as a smokescreen…

“If you figure out a way to look any cuter I’ll consider forfeiting,” Aro said. In a voice that didn’t sound winded, like it was effortless. Like the elite graduates. Penny didn’t smile but she could feel her Aura warm her systems and the air in her chest. She huffed out air almost visible in Solitas’ cold atmosphere. Then alarm flickered across Aro’s features. “Down!”

Penny instintively listen, diving as low as possible. A powerful arc of hard-light dust flew above them. It stressed against the barrier for half a minute before finally shattering.

The pair looked at their teammates. Xanthic was sparing against Clover. The man took a few hits, proving Xanthic’s accuracy was not luck but also not a refined skill either. On the far end of the room was Marrow and Ciel. In front of them was a few Atlesian Knights they were using for semblance training.

Penny heard a loud explosion. Hard-light blades and metal took up nearly all her vision. Aro’s unsmiling face focused on attacking. She tried to lean back and bring up her arms or bring down Floating Array to block but Opponent Aro was too fast. Another loud explosion pushed those blades hard against Penny’s Aura and sent the metal women flying back a few meters.

Several blades dug into the metal tiles, immediately stopping Penny’s slid. Two guns fired at Aro while other components, both swords and guns, hovered close for defense. It was both a deterrent and precaution.

Mostly a deterrent.

Aro must have realized it. The swift hit and run pattern was thrown aside. She charged forward again. By now Penny was familiar with Aro’s speed. She was visually aware of her opponent but her analysis programming was searching for something unfamiliar. Sudden movements or an unnatural bend in Penny’s lasers- as if it a comet just escaped orbit.

Of course! All that gravity Dust!

Direct attacks would be ineffective. Penny could swing Floating Array in from the sides but Aro was too agile. The only openings were when her opponent attacked and Penny was forced to defend.

Again, Aro broke through her defenses. Her velocity was unhindered by gravity, boosted by combustion, with a weight of a heavy women and metal limbs thrown into the attack. Penny bolstered her Aura, this time taking the hit with open arms and closed them tight around Aurora. She leaned in, fired Floating Array in a constant stream to counter balance the momentum.

“H-Hey!” She squirmed. It may have been sheer luck that had Aro’s arms pinned in the bear hug but ten blades and four guns pointing down at her defeated opponent was calculated.

Penny grinned looking up at Aro. “I win!” Aro seemed to… growl in effort? Her sensors and systems couldn’t quite understand it. Was this a Faunus warning or was Aro’s gravity Dust causing a minor glitch again. Aro wiggled in her grasp and carefully kicked her legs as if she would find purchase in the air. It added many new sensations Penny would try to understand later but right now she focused the feeling of accomplishment and success.

Aro let out a whine, Faunus ears peeking out as they lowered and her posture deflate. Finally Focus flickered off. Penny was rewarded with those unmasked sea-green eyes. The glow hid many things, mostly the embarrassment Penny saw now. She giggled and grinned, cuddling into her soft and temporary trophy.

“Wait!” Fiona’s voice echoed through the entrance. She was covered in dirt and mud, boots tracking in the outside environment as she skidded in. Winter was right at her heels, and barely manage to dodge the tiny Huntress when she finally stopped. “Aurora- Aura. Ah!” Whoever was following them didn’t see Fiona. May and Joanna collapsed onto their teammate. "Get off me, you gigantic assholes!!"

“Sorry!”

Elm quickly ran in and picked the pair off. Winter helped Fiona onto her feet, a bit clumsily as her eyes was looking at Penny and Aro.

“So,” Winter tried to level her voice, “You’re training is… going well?” She asked.

“I won!” Penny said with a large smile. Floating Array folded into her pack and she jogged towards Winter. Aro grumbled and wiggled. Penny didn’t let go but loosened her trophy enough to be comfortable in her arms. Her voice took on a serious and honest tone, “Civilian Aurora fought valiantly!”

“But you won,” Winter said slowly. She and May looked at each other, over Fiona who held up a middle finger at her teammate. May scoffed at her and pushed it away while Winter gave both Penny and Aro a skeptical look. “By… a hug?”

Penny looked at her arms still around Aro. By now the women wiggled one arm free and used it to slightly brace herself against Penny’s shoulders. Penny’s grin went back up to Winter, “That is correct!”

“It works, just not for everyone.” Joanna said with a shrug. “She has all those swords and Winter has her summons-”

“I don’t like this conversation so I’m awkwardly changing it,” Aro declared, voice very blunt but still very embarrassed. “HHZT (Hazelnut) and SGME (Sigmarite) finally broke the tie?” Their elite group of Huntsmen and Huntresses had an unfinished competition back from their Academy days. As part of the Accelerated Program, the Academy would rearrage them for certain missions. Or maybe it was an unoffical team? Like Robyn and the other freelancers.

“HHZT, won. Of course.” Fiona said hands on her proud chest with an grin that was far too innocent and confident. Penny recalled Xanthic using the term ‘shit-eating grin’ which Penny was greatly opposed to. Ciel explained the phrase as smug.

The other members of Team HHZT trickled in. Harriet and Vine raised a brow at Penny and her trophy while Robyn gave a smile.

“I’m guessing you won? Congratulation, Swords.” The leader Mantle’s happiest Huntress team said.

“Thank you ma’am!”

“Can I- down? Please?” Aro asked softly. So softly Penny was tempted to ignore it. The tone of voice was new, too high pitch and nervous. Unsure if it was a positive or negative response, Penny decided that caution was better and set Aro down. She took a deep breath, as if it would help the blood rushing through her cheeks and neck.

“Sorry if I held you too tightly!”

“Apologize for something you actually do,” Aro said in a very Xanthic-like drawl. Complete with a roll of her eyes but it was so much softer. So more like Ciel when she was sleep deprived. Maybe a tad softer. Penny couldn’t help but to respond with a bigger smile. It was after Aro flustered and floundered that Penny decided she liked this new behavior.

"Goddess curse your fucking fishing rod!!" Xanthic screamed. Clover laughed slightly, not a true laugh but still a sound of enjoyment and amusement. Like a fish the hacker was dangling off the string, body awkwardly tangled in the wire. While this was a common sight over the past week, Penny wasn’t aware of how flexible Xanthic was. “How is this a weapon anyway?!”

“My semblance and skills are pretty consistent.”

“Don’t let Ironlimp rub off on you. Just spit it out-”

“You’re talented, not skillful.” Clover said. Xanthic’s jaw snapped shut and she muttered curses under her breath as she tried to free herself again. Elm and Harriet chuckled. “Marrow and Ms. Soleil are almost finished. How’d the search and destroy mission go?”

“Xanthic’s drones were accurate.” Winter said. No matter how many times Winter needs to slip back into work mode, Penny still haven’t grown to like it. “All essential and optional targets were eliminated.”

Clover smirked and raised a brow. “Who won?” All team members of SGME; Winter, Joanna, May and Elm, either scowled or pouted. “Congratulations HHZT.”

“It feels so nice to finally settle that score.” Fiona said grinning up at SGME. May groaned and playfully shoved the troublemaker away. She then gasped, fist landing in a palm. “Oh right! Aro you are projecting an Aura. Right?”

“Uh… haha,” Aro couldn’t even formulate a lie without Focus. She huffed looking extremely guilty as a green shimmer covered her body-

“Aurora!” Penny gasped while May yelled. She could feel her power unit both decrease in performance yet go into overdrive. She hadn’t hold back during training. If Penny had taken a different approach for to win- Her simulations were vivid in her mind even as Penny grabbed Aro’s upper arms. General Ironwood requested Penny knew the outcomes of failure, she was preprogram with the knowledge of death and dying but not the emotional connections of loss until now.

“You- What if you got hurt!” Penny said.

Aro held steady eye contact, “You didn’t land a hit. The only time you touched me was the hug.” It wasn’t a challenging stare but not the lively glowing one Penny was used to. Easy to fluster but possibly even more brash without her semblance? She didn’t backdown but the defensive tension melted a little. Aro wasn’t a different person with Focus off but it was still a shift in personality. “I’m sorry.” The words quickly tumbled out of her mouth and seemed to surprised even Aro.

The silence in the air was so thick it nearly shocked Penny.

“Oh.” May blurted out in quiet surprise. Aro frowned, glaring at May who fumbled a little more. “W-What? You’re one of the most arrogant and narcissistic person I know!”

“Because I deserve to be.” Aro said quickly. Organic defensiveness quickly resorting to a bit of aggression.

May took a deep breath, pinching the bridge on her nose. “Focus on the Aura problem, we can talk about the other stuff later,” She muttered quietly to herself. Of course Aro heard it and she tried to relax. “Please, promise me you’ll actually try with the Aura stuff?”

There was an instinctave and resistant growl-like whine.

“Aurora!” Three people yelled. Penny was much softer compared to May but Winter’s was the sternest. Aro flinched. She took a deep breath. It took a little bit for the mechanic to meet May and Winter’s gaze. Her eyes flickered to Penny who still looked worried and guilty.

“I’m sorry,” Aro blurted out again. “I’ll take this Aura projection thing seriously.”

“We’ll add Aura training to your regimen.” Winter said with a sigh. “Both you and Xanthic are far from adequate-”

“I’m what now?!” The two genius yelled loud enough for it to ring around the trainng room for a few seconds.

Winter tried steeling her features, but her brows kept twitching together in frustration. She coldly stared at Xanthic as the hacker yelled and Aro’s furious eyes glowed bright with Focus. The mechanic’s body went taunt, the fabric across her shoulders and chest straining. "You’re talking to the pair that made the world’s smallest portable hard-light printer and scanner you piece shit-"

“And that’s our cue to leave,” Marrow said smoothly walking past the large group while Ciel reluctantly stood next to her teammates. The Ace Operatives that weren’t already filing out of the room sneered. Only Marrow and Clover gave their superior officer good luck wishes as they left.

Robyn gave Winter a pat on her shoulder, “I’ll be sure to write 'Death by Iron-Knee’ on your grave.” Fiona and Joanna chuckled safely from the exit.

“Ugh. Get out,” Winter said with a tight jaw. Her hand suddenly shot out, a tight grip around May’s wrist. “Not you.” May glared at her. With a look they came to an unease agreement and faced the furious pair.

Aro glowered, almost intimidating with her bright eyes and sharp horns. “We did survive encounters against the White Fang and Grimm!” Her cold tone almost sold it.

“You two are talented, yes.” May said slowly. That did little to calm Aro and Xanthic down. “But… this is not… your area of expertise?”

“You two are highly unprepared.” Winter correctly flately. Penny watched as frustration boiled over both Aro and Xanthic’s wounded ego. Winter gave May a sharp glance, “Don’t coddle them.”

“I grew up in Menagerie where we don’t have the luxurious kingdom defenses.”

“Aro, it’s not the same.” Winter tried to reason.

“Perhaps, ma’am,” Ciel spoke up. The group turned to the officer-in-training. Penny stepped closer to her, a little protective with a smile that almost defused the situation. It worked on three, Xanthic seemed to grow a little more furious. “Glade and Xanthic would respond better to a demonstration. The Atlas’ Welcoming Fair is focusing on the third and fourth years this week.”

“Oh! Good idea,” May gasped.

“No, bad idea,” Aro said nose wrinkling in disgust. “Atlas Military and Hunts Associations are scouting for recruits. Business companies are looking for a new face to slap on their product. It’ll be filled with people trying to make connections with people like me.”

Aro was right about one aspect, she did deserve to be arrogant- “Oh!” Penny gasped, eyes wide. She looked at her Faunus, “Does ‘Aro’ stand for arrogant?”

Ciel’s professional demeanor completely broke beside her. She coughed on air, trying not to laugh but still somehow managed to murmur, “Holy shit.” May just immediately crackled, head thrown back in laughter while the last three stared with disbelief for a few seconds. It broke around the same time Penny tilted her head in confusion.

“Now it does,” Winter mused with a smile. She cleared her throat, trying to calm May down. The Huntress only squatted, hands clasp over her mouth with tears pricking her eyes. “Aro,” Winter’s professional demeanor cracked with a brief smile. The Faunus softly growled, a weak show of teeth and ears poking out low. “Would draw unwanted attention.”

“Like your white as fuck hair wouldn’t,” Aro quickly shot back.

“According to the search algorithms, her defining traits are sharp gold horns and glowing eyes.” Xanthic said. She rubbed her chin eyes glancing upward in thought. “I think I erased or edited a lot of her old photos. So if she uses her old horns and manage to keep her semblance off she might be okay.”

“I think the average person would connect Winter and a women with green hair,” Penny said steadily with a raised brow.

“Average person,” Xanthic gestured to Ciel. Her teammate huffed and rolled her eyes though she gave no verbal comment. Ciel did have excellent marks but compared to the elite huntresses and geniuses in the room she did fit the definition of average. “See? We can use Ciel for a test run.”

“My father has your previous model for research purposes! I’ll get them.” Penny said walking off. Winter called Fiona to deliver something from her room.

Out of sight but not out of hearing, Penny heard May gasping for breath, “Oh that settles it, I love her.”

It took longer than expected. Without daily and meticulous organization their storage was in minor disarray. Penny wondered if Xanthic would permit her bots to help her father out. The AK-200 had mistakenly placed Aro’s previous sensory equipment under weapons.

“Of course Fiona would choose this outfit,” Winter’s murmur came from the kitchen.

When Penny returned to her team and supervising Huntresses she nearly dropped the military grade case. The two most noticeable members of their group underwent minor physical changes. It was simple clothing and hair alterations but Penny’s visual analysis struggled to link the names Winter and Aro to their appearance.

Seeing Penny’s reaction, Winter immediately stood up, “I’m changing back into my uniform.”

“Nope!” May used one hand to shove Winter back into her chair. Then she went back to braiding Aro’s hair. Penny stared at Aro for a moment and the women just raised a brow. Without her horns May was free to run her fingers through wavy pale green locks uninterrupted. She brushed them behind her heavily scared Faunus ears that twitched around with a giggle. “The entire point of this is to look different.”

“I can’t believe she found this…” Winter murmured. Penny had perfect memory. Just a glance was enough permanently capture the leather shrug tight around Winter’s arms and shoulders. Some odd code in her programing told her to double check the metal buckle that clasp the collar of the shrug snug to her neck.

Luckily Aro’s sign language was a good distraction. Xanthic interpreter what Winter and May was saying, her expressions mimicking the individuals. Aro sneered and giggled. Penny was surprised she could at least differentiate interpretation from a conversation.

“Penny, would you like to enter the betting pool?” Ciel asked.

The metal women jumped slightly with a small gasp. She turned to see Ciel raise a brow slightly but much more focused on her scroll. “Fiona is betting no more than four of them will be able to find Specialist Schnee and Ms. Glade at the Fair.”

Penny set the case containing Aro’s outdating cybernetics down and tilted her head in thought. “Hm… I think I’ll pass. Betting and gambling doesn’t seem like a positive habit.” She remembered the tense conversation Ciel had given Penny after losing to Xanthic.

“I agree with Ciel but I’m pretty confident that no one will recognize us even if we are together.” Xanthic interpreted. Aro continued signing, this time with a large grin and finished pointing to May who smirked. “We do have a spymaster with us.” The hacker finished, voice surprisingly faithful to Aro’s fluctuations.

May tied the braid and walked to the front to admire her handiwork. It was a much more roguish appearance than her usual gentle or business persona. The top fluffed out like a Mohawk while the sides were pulled tight and flat, revealing scars and cybernetics that glowed under her skin or on the surface. Aro popped open the case. Instead of sharped angle and shining horns this was a matted metal with ram curls that framed her ears and taper to safe round tips. May stepped around to help guide then into the ports and lock them in. Even the cybernetic glow was muted.

Though Ciel was there for the transformation she stared hard and squinted at Aro. Her ears fluttered and she nervously shifted. “Huh…” Ciel muttered. Then she gave Winter the same cold calculating stare. The soldier didn’t flitch but Penny had the time to confirm the metal buckle around her neck. Winter’s hair was long enough brush past her shoulders and due to the constant bun had some waves imprinted into her locks.

“Yeah, I’m betting they won’t recognize either of you.”

“Really cute,” May pointed to Aro, “Almost illegally hot.” She smirked at Winter who glared.

Penny looked between Winter and Aro. Her programing was drawing a blank. Visual analysis was focused on identification and injuries, though she could feel an odd glitch triggering a reaction in her power unit and her aura. A systems check was telling her that her temperature was higher than normal but well within functioning range.

Error: File Protected. Skip Intermission?

#Penny Polendina #fic #cutting strings #pre-fall of beacon #APCX #Aurora Glade #ashley xanthic #ciel soleil #winter schnee #may marigold #qued

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thoughtsdying · 4 years ago

Text

The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another.

And I’m ok with that.

#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #personal #real experiences and problems

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greatneedtotakeanap · 4 years ago

Text

i binge read

the finale, episode 15 - the tower of nero

!!!SPOILER ALERT FOR THE TOWER OF NERO!!! this post under the cut will be completely riddled with spoilers, as it is a personal account of my views on the book as a whole.

it will be spoiled!!

(obviously.)

I’m almost too heartsick to write this omg. It’s been such a long, heartwarming journey, and it came to such an electrifying ending.

I’m quite proud of Apollo. I knew I was going to be, but the way he realized it, the way he realized everything... how Nero’s abuse mirrored Zeus’ and affected him just the same, how much of an asshole he’d been because of it. He made the conscious choice to change, and he decided he could love. He was capable of true love, he was capable of moving forward and being better. And he was. I was just,,, I was so proud of him. Seeing him mature was a really eye-opening experience, especially in this book, when he talked so much about the small complexities of Nero’s abuse, how every move was calculated and how it affected Meg. We’d seen wisps of discussions of abuse before, mostly in the lightning thief (smelly gabe) but we’ve never before gone into the complexities of emotional abuse. The way it was described was fantastically clear, in a way that undoubtedly painted Nero as the true villain, but also gave us the chance to see him try and convince his children that he was good. Apollo breaking down his every move was good for the audience to distinguish the meaning behind his words. Fantastically portrayed. The way it helped him realize his own abuse, too, was good.

And Meg. My sweet darling Meg. What an absolute baddie, I swear. She made the same decision - she went back to Nero to fight him, to test her own strength and power of will. Her decision to drop her rings and refuse to dual wield anymore was strange to me at the very beginning, but I understood it later. It was her refusing to use the weapons he forced her to use, to even defend herself against him. It was her turning her back on the methods he’d armed her with and deciding to take her own path. “The Beast is dead” is the rawest f-ing line in this entire novel, the Beast representing Nero’s psychological abuse. “I killed him” - she liberated herself by believing she was better. I’m so insanely proud of that girl, too. She’s come a long way as well.

Okay. After that analysis, let me just say:

THE GAYS WON.

I spent this entire book terrified that Will Solace was doomed. There was a line in the prophecy about the terrible ending of ‘Apollo’s flesh and blood’, and I figured that meant his offspring - his son, rather than his human form. I kept muttering to myself ‘Will’s gonna die Will’s gonna die and it’s gonna BREAK Nico’. I was just so worried. I didn’t think anyone, even William Andrew Solace, could survive Rick Riordan’s patented Blond Boy Curse.

But he was fine in the end! As fine as you can be. Solangelo boyfriends lived to fight another day. And their development as a couple was also quite nice. I loved their dynamic. We only saw a little of it in the hidden oracle. Though it was great there too, we were able to go more in depth and explore how they truly function. Nico’s dry sense of humor combined with his whole lord-of-the-darkness aesthetic x Will’s genuine compassion and joking nature combined with his glow-in-the-dark-ness was fantastic to see.

Speaking of Solangelo - they not only got stronger as a couple, but as individual people as well. To be completely honest, we really haven’t seen much in the way of Will Solace. He healed, he was nice, yeah, sure, but what about him? What was his personality like outside from other people? In this book we find out. He’s kind, compassionate, easily flustered, overly protective. He craves parental approval, hence him repeatedly referring to Apollo as ‘dad’ and being so watchful over him. He gets embarrassed when asked to glow on command and upset when people mistake him for a lamp. He’s impulsive and a little hypocritical - he follows his instincts (being led off into the tunnels by a random voice) but gets very worried when Nico pulls the same thing. He’s a fantastic character, and his contrasts to Nico and the rest of the ton crew were great.

Nico - he seriously was the hero of this book. Or at least the secondary hero. He saved them all so many times over - he took everyone through shadow travel away from the bulls, he met the troglodytes, saw an opportunity, prepared an offering to said troglodytes because he saw an opportunity, became an underground ambassador, later saved Apollo’s life again by turning a germanus into a skeleton. He led this quest, and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. And that one paragraph about him enduring all this shit?? MASTERFUL. He’s had such a boatload of trauma and still he stands. One of my very favorite consistent Nico traits is this: no matter where he is or what he’s doing or how he feels, he ALWAYS takes the chance to talk with those who feel alone, because he knows what it’s like to be truly fighting one’s battles alone and he’d never wish that on anyone. It’s consistent, too: him being the only one to talk to Hestia at the hearth in Camp Half Blood, him talking to and befriending Bob the Titan, him talking to the troglodytes. And I have really gotten to see his progression firsthand, sped up - I read the Titan’s Curse in my binge read series maybe two weeks ago, back when he was this hyperactive ten-year-old with a Mythomagic obsession and now he’s this prince of darkness saving people with an adorable glowstick boyfriend and man. I love this kid. If he wasn’t my favorite character in this universe, he is now.

Also, even though with this book Rick has closed the gateway to this world (sad), the end alluded to a possible journey through Tartarus again to look for what’s been calling him, but this time he’ll have Will. Rachel Dare even whispered a prophecy at the end, probably pointing to it (but we’ll never know for sure). Will and Nico through the depths of Tartarus - now that’s a series I’d want to read for sure. It’s really too bad we’ll never get to see it in canon. Sigh.

SPEAKING OF CANON.

Another way the gays have won: Piper Mclean.

She has a canon girlfriend!! We really struck gold. I figured she was aro//ace when reading the Burning Maze - her whole monologue about being forced into love - but it turns out she’s just wlw!! I love this, I love this. We seriously won with this book.

Other noteworthy thoughts I had while reading below:

- The scene with Apollo defeating Python and hanging on the edge of Chaos was great. Especially when the goddess Styx came out. I was wondering how all of his broken oaths would serve him and come back to haunt him. It was quite well portrayed. A serious rip to the Arrow of Dodona though. I always loved it,,, a lot. It made me laugh and sometimes grind my teeth in frustration, but it was always a nice presence.

- Apollo’s return to Olympus was better than anything I ever could have hoped for. I was really hoping that returning would give him a new insight, not just of being mortal, but of Zeus as well. And it did. It did! I’ve said it before but I am quite proud of him. His new perspective on the Olympians was refreshing. You can really see the change in narrative if you go back to the Hidden Oracle.

- It is always always always nice to see Sally Jackson. Woman of many talents, including novel writing, blue chocolate chip cookies, and excellent seven-layer dip. She was my favorite character at the beginning of this binge-reading frenzy (as stated in the first post). Now she is still very up there. Definitely top 5.

- Why does Estelle have Percy’s green eyes?? I thought Percy had his father’s eyes????

- Grover knew about Jason dying. If Grover was on the cross-country field trip with Percy and Annabeth, and they didn’t realize Jason was dead until they got to New Rome, then was he just sitting on Jason’s death this whole time??? Rip to Grover, he must have been seriously traumatized for THAT to have happened.

- The last two chapters were basically just Apollo making his rounds and wrapping everything up, so Percabeth isn’t just in a perpetual cross-country ride and Piper doesn’t live out her life forever in a grief-stricken taxi. I’m glad those chapters were there, though. Nice to see everybody again in their element.

Okay but you don’t understand the fear in my heart. I seriously thought Will Solace was a goner. I cried out of relief because he DIDN’T die. It just makes me love the two of them all the more.

This post has been way too long already, but I gotta add an obligatory outro - I read these books once as a little kid, and the past two weeks has been amazing getting back into them. It’s been magical and wonderful, falling in love with these characters, and I’m so sad to leave it.

#tower of nero #the tower of nero #ton spoilers #toa spoilers #tower of nero spoilers #nap binge reads #(the final episode)#wow #what a ride the past two weeks have been

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