#she has an adhd diagnose and read way to many research papers about adhd and autism

[akikos-tribble-army]

Instagram thinks I have ADHD. Tiktok thinks I am autistic and aroace.

Tumblr is still trying to sell me viagra.

[try-and-try-and-try-again]

Admittedly I haven’t read the entire article but things with headlines like this scare me a bit. It seems as if the BBC are saying ADHD is being over diagnosed.

I’m on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment. If I do get diagnosed with it I’m scared things like this will make most of the population think my diagnosis is invalid, especially because the NHS referred me to ADHD360 through Right to Choose (they didn’t actually give me a choice of who I was referred to, they just did it) which the BBC was previously scathing of.

They don’t hand out diagnoses to anyone who asks for one, which I fear may be a lot of people’s perception. My sister had an ADHD assessment and was told she didn’t have it.

I hope attitudes towards ADHD diagnoses don’t stop me from being able to try ADHD meds if I am diagnosed. I think I would like to, I wonder if they would help slow down my brain and make me more calm and focused in the way that starving myself used to. And I was shown some research papers about ADHD meds helping people with pain due to HSD/hEDS and nothing has helped with my pain so far.

[pomegranategay]

So let's have a talk about self-diagnosis!

I just got formally diagnosed with autism today, but I've known I was autistic for years. I started doing research after I found out my sensory overload and meltdowns and shutdowns were not, in fact, the norm, and when I read about autism and the symptoms and signs it made so much sense.

And when I talked about it to my mom, and brought up my suspicions, she freaked out and told me I wasn't autistic. That was nearly five years ago.

Over the years, I did more and more research, read posts by autistic people about their experiences, watched videos. I became close friends with one of my mutuals, @pyrose-the-flame, who is autistic and has ADHD, and we talked about our experiences and through all of it I saw so much of my own life in these snippets of other people's lives. But I never really felt comfortable calling myself autistic because I wasn't diagnosed.

And I knew that the vast majority of the autistic community are accepting of self-diagnosis, because it can be really hard to get a diagnosis. It's harder if you're older, if you're not white, if you weren't assigned male at birth, if you don't have the financial ability to get diagnosed, if there's nowhere in your area that has professionals that can diagnose you. There's so many barriers to diagnosis. And I was accepting of everyone who self diagnosed, with the sole exception being me, which was frustrating. I felt like I couldn't speak to anyone about my experiences or suspicions, especially after the extreme reaction my mom had had. I felt like if I opened up about it again I would just be shot down. I had a notebook full of the DSM-V criteria for autism with notes and examples of how I experienced each of my symptoms. I fully expected to have to defend myself with sword in hand and prove to everyone that I was autistic, and that I wasn't lying or uneducated.

But then I started opening up to people in my life about it. My lovely boyfriend @crossedjuxtapose, my friends. They all basically just paused for a minute and went, "Yeah that makes sense." I was so flabbergasted, and so grateful to be taken at my word about it. Even the professional who diagnosed me didn't grill me, just asked questions, listened to my answers and examples, and at the end of the hour she told me that I had a very textbook case of autism spectrum disorder and to email her if I needed paperwork for accommodations.

I actually spoke to my friend and roommate about how I'd gotten diagnosed after my appointment had ended. And he told me how his mom, who teaches neurodivergent children for a living, after I had left their house, had turned to him and asked him if I was autistic. It was so comforting to hear that my experiences weren't invisible to other people, that other people could tell and wouldn't disbelieve me.

I texted my mom after my appointment today and she was very shocked. She questioned how knowledgeable the professional that diagnosed me was, what their credentials were. She asked me "So? What do we do for that???" She said that I must have "a very mild case," that I was "totally functional," despite the fact that I am literally dropping out of college because I cannot function in such an unstructured environment. It was discouraging. I know she didn't intend any harm, but it felt like she still didn't believe me, like I still wasn't being taken seriously about the way my mind works.

The point of all my disjointed rambling is, I am incredibly fortunate and privileged to have been able to be diagnosed. But my psychiatric nurse practitioner, as wonderful as she is, didn't speak my autism into existence. It was already there, for my whole life. And I should have been taken seriously about it from the moment I said I had suspicions. Self-diagnosis really needs to be destigmatized. Even if people who self-diagnose end up being wrong, they clearly experience some of the symptoms of autism and have common experiences there, and benefit greatly from the resources the autistic community provides. There is no harm in self-diagnosis, none at all.

So to all the people who might be reading this who are self-diagnosed and unsure of themselves, I love you, and I believe you. You don't have to explain anything. You don't owe an official diagnosis to anyone. There's no official paper or membership card, there's no complimentary chicken nuggets. Really the only reason to get a diagnosis is if you need school or workplace accommodations, or if you just want one and can do it. But please know that you don't need one. You are allowed to speak about your experiences and take up space in autistic communities. And anyone who says otherwise is full of horseshit and can eat my sword. <3

[ladyofpurple]

here it is: the post Literally no one was waiting for. i'd put it under a read more thing but i'm on mobile and can't be assed to get out of bed so fuck it. we air our dirty laundry on main for the world to see like men.

so waaay back in february or something, i started seeing a psychologist again. i'd been seeing a psychologist for a while last year, but she had a private practice and got too expensive over time, so i had to stop. now, however, i finally got a referral to the public mental health offices in my county. which is nice, because norway has this neat thing that means when you go to the doctor, public health care facilities, refill prescriptions for medications you have to take daily, etc, the money you spend on those things gets recorded and after you've spent like $260, you get a free card that gets logged into your medical records and you don't have to pay for any of those things for the rest of the year.

anyway, i mentioned a couple of years back that i finally got put on antidepressants for the first time. they helped a lot, but then i just... stopped taking them. there wasn't a reason, really. i just forgot to take them one week when i was stuck in bed with a headcold, and then it was hard to get back in the habit again. i tried to get back on them off and on for a long time, but i'd inevitably just forget again. until, like, i wanna say november/early december last year? i started taking them again. there were still some slip-ups every now and then, but for the most part i took them almost every day. any gaps were no longer than two, maybe three days at the most, and those gaps were maybe once a month or so on average. averages aren't really useful in this context, but i hope you get the idea.

anyway, i finally convinced my doctor that, no, seriously, i really need to see a psychologist, i've always needed to see psychologists my whole life, seeing psychologists help me, i can't afford a private psychologist so i need a public one, and after a lot of begging and insisting on my end and a lot of hemming and hawing on her end she finally agreed to refer me. except she forgot to actually send the email she'd been typing in front of me, and then she quit, so there was a lot of confusion and time spent sorting things out until i got my first appointment.

i didn't like my psychologist at first. she was way older than i'm usually comfortable with (that's a personal me-problem that i know is irrational, and i'm not gonna go into the why but yes i'm working on it), and very blunt in an exasperated sort of way. she made me angry sometimes. she made me feel like i wasn't trying hard enough. but she helped me get shit done, so i guess she was doing something right.

in june she called in a psychiatrist to help adjust my medications, so i started taking zoloft in addition to the other medication (remeron, aka mirtazapine) that i was already taking. the mirtazapine was helping with my depression, but my anxiety was still pretty bad. the zoloft helped.

by my second appointment with my psychologist, she asked me whether i could have adhd, or if there was a history of it in my family. now, i have a lot of family with adhd (how closely related we are by blood is a bit of a mystery to me, my family tree is more like an overgrown hedge and who knows who fits where), and my grandma used to joke that the women in our family "all have a little bit of that adhd brain in us", but as far as i knew, nobody in my immediate, direct bloodline had such a diagnosis. i had my suspicions about myself, of course — i knew that not every focus or attention related problem necessarily has a specific attention disorder source, but i also knew that what i was experiencing couldn't be "normal," in the sense that if i walked into a room with 100 people in it, 86 of those people wouldn't necessarily look at a list of my symptoms and go "oh same hat." i've had add on my about me for a while now. maybe that was silly of me; i hadn't been diagnosed with it, and what i knew about the specifics of it were picked up piecemeal off the internet. you know, that super-reliable place where everyone is honest and factual all the time?

anyway, this began the process of investigating the merits of such a potential diagnosis. research was begun. questionnaires were taken. my mom was invited to one of my sessions, in which she revealed that, oh yeah, bee tee dubs, she's always suspected i have adhd. did she mention that she has also apparently always suspected ocd and that i'm autistic? no? whoops, well, she has now.

end of june i was referred to the neuropsychologist devision of the public health care place. over the course of a little over 6 weeks i went in for 2 interviews, in which i answered several questionnaires, talked about my life and childhood and traumas and what my mom had told me about her pregnancy and labor, every possible symptom i'd ever had, and was sent home with even *more* questionnaries. in addition to these, i went in for two rounds of "testing," in which i was tested on my memory, pattern recognition, reaction time, impulse control, and probably a dozen other things. i was nervous. it was exhausting. i wanted answers but was terrified of what those answers would be.

end of august, my mom came with me for the big reveal. and guess what? she was right. primary diagnosis: adhd, special emphasis on the attention deficit part. bonus diagnosis: asperger syndrome. surprise! i'm autistic, i guess.

it was hard to come to terms with. which sounds really silly, since i wouldn't have even been taking those tests if i didn't think the outcome was a possibility. and it's not like the diagnoses were surprising either. the adhd part was easier to accept, mostly because i already felt pretty confident i had it. but the asperger diagnosis was harder. having to unlearn all those ingrained ableist stereotypes and social stigmas is hard, especially when you had some you didn't even realize were there. it's very surreal to think a thought and be like "no, wait, i do that. that joke is about me." it's a very surreal and slightly upsetting experience to realize how biased you are as general rule, but especially about a facet of your own identity you weren't aware of. and the feeling of everything and nothing changing all at once. i've always been like this. a doctor telling me i have two cognitive/developmental disabilities isn't an event that magically gave me these disabilities. my brain has always worked like this. the only difference between me now and me a year ago is that i have an official, medical reason for Why now.

that's another thing: coming to terms with the idea of being "developmentally disabled." it's not like i'm suddenly a different person — i have to constantly remind myself that my brain has always been like this. but having a piece of paper confirming that i am legally entitled to special allowances in the workplace or at school because i have not one, but two "disabilities" is absolutely buckwild to me.

it makes me reevaluate my life and my past. how many situations did i make worse because i did not have the capacity or knowledge about how my own brain works to self-reflect? was i high-functioning in the past because life was simpler? was it because i subconsciously had a better handle on what works for me and what doesn't, and somewhere along the way i lost that? or was it simply because i didn't have the option to be anything other than high-functioning? it's confusing.

i also lost my spot at college. i can still reapply next year if i want, but at least now i know why i was failing out lmao

anyway, by my birthday in september we started the process of adjusting my medication again. upping my zoloft, getting me off remeron, and as of 6 weeks ago or so, beginning ritalin.

it was a rocky start, but i'm up to 60mg now. two pills in the morning, one in the afternoon. i have a goddamn alarm for 8am every day, even weekends. my sleeping is still wonky, but at least im genuinely tired by 8pm every night. the psychiatrist still wants me to try melatonin for a month (even though i told her multiple times it has never worked for me, and my problem has never been "i'm not sleepy enough"), so i'm on a whopping 2mg of melatonin for the next 30 days. norwegians are fucking WEIRD about melatonin, don't even get me started.

a slightly unexpected side-effect (on my end) of these medication changes: remeron made me gain weight. like, a lot of weight. and i was constantly hungry all the time, overeating to ridiculous amounts. why did nobody ever tell me that weight gain and metabolism changes are a side-effect of anti-depressants? i was more active this summer than i'd been in, like, three years and i just got fatter. which was incomvenient because i kept outgrowing my clothes. anyway, a side effect of ritalin is a loss of appetite and general weight loss. the combination of regularly taking ritalin and dropping remeron entirely? i eat a fraction of what i used to before, i've almost entirely stopped snacking, and i've lost 15 lbs in less than a month. i've already noticed my face is slightly slimmer now. maybe by christmas i'll be able to fit into my old tshirts again.

anyway, my psychologist quit, so i have a new one now. i've only seen her a few times, but she's veeeery different from my old one. i can't decide if i like her or not.

in the middle of all this, i've been going to the social security office as well to kind of get some of my own money, possibly help me get a job at some point in the future. my caseworker is super nice. if she's over 30 i'd be shocked. i relate to her really well, she's very helpful and understanding, and she's very patient with me and my bullshit. she's the kind of person where if we met at a party or something we could probably hang out.

anyway, she's helped me get out of the house sometimes. she introduced me to this youth club volunteer group thing called the fountain house, designed for young people who've dealt with or are currently dealing with mental illnesses and such. i hung out there yesterday and the day before and did some basic office work. it's nice. and then there's a work placement place that can either give you a job on site in one of their four departments, or help you get a job at an actual business elsewhere with more support and leniency than you might get if they just hired you off the street. i'd start in their second hand store. they clean and restore all donations they recieve, and they're super fucking cheap. i treated myself to my literal lifelong dream of owning a vintage typewriter (!!!!!) yesterday, because it's almost christmas and goddammit, i've been doing so much shit the past couple of months i deserve it. do i have space for it? not really. do i have a plan on what to use it for? no. was it heavy and miserable trekking through the snow and rain yesterday back and forth? was it worth the backache in the morning? fuck yeah it was.

a fucking lot of things are happening all at once. diagnoses, medications, lifestyle changes, work placement, social clubs, dealing with bureaucracies on all sides just so i can feel like a person again, not to mention juggling hobbies like writing and drawing and maintaining my irl friendships. i'm getting as many balls rolling as i can while i have the opportunity and mental/emotional capacity to, but i'm worried i'll burn out again. i'm stabilizing and slowly building my life back up, but jesus christ it would suck if this stupid house of cards collapsed again. but i'm tentatively optimistic. who knows, maybe it's not to late to course-correct my mistakes.

so long story short, that's why i've barely been active on tumblr for months. that's why i haven't been writing, drawing, or reading fic. it's coming along, but it's slow.

i guess the most important thing is that it's coming along at all.

[kissthehydra]

ADHD talk

Ok. So I got tested for ADHD this summer and the psychologist concluded that I didn’t have ADHD; I scored really well on the tests, and my executive disfunction and inattention were attributed to my anxiety and depression (which were moderate-severe at the time). I didn’t know what to expect for the results, so I didn’t have a strong reaction to hearing my diagnosis, but I also felt unsatisfied that some of my behaviors were still unexplained. I’m very analytical and overthink everything. I can’t just accept that I am experiencing something, I have to know what triggered it and why I responded the way I did. (I took CBT a little too hard.) But I got a job and then the semester started again so I didn’t think too much on it.

Anyway, I have a new therapist (who’s given me some of the most effective advice/hw for dealing with anxiety and depression) and after a few months she mentioned the possibility of me having ADHD. I bring her a condensed copy of my ADHD testing results for her the next week. She goes straight to my scores. She notes that my scores range from high above average to average. She looks at me and says something along the lines of:

“I’m not saying the psychologist that did the testing isn’t qualified or misdiagnosed you, but it’s possible that a different psychologist might have interpreted the variability of your results as indicative of ADHD.”

Well, shit.

Time to do some research.

I do some extensive searches on adult ADHD. I pull up some academic papers, some study abstracts, and some web articles. Some of my findings that freaked me out a bit:

adult-onset ADHD is often under-diagnosed, especially in women, since adults experience ADHD differently than children (child-onset ADHD symptoms are used to diagnose ADHD in adults)

I can relate to many descriptions of what it’s like to have ADHD, such as difficulty paying attention to things that bore me, struggling to “just do it”, can’t be inactive (I can sit still in a chair as long as I can do something with my hands. I’ve been pulling out my hair since I was like 8 years old and have been picking my skin for about three years. Fidget toys are helpful to me. If I’m just standing I need to be moving. I’m always kind of dancing)

in people with ADHD, achievement does not necessarily correspond with intelligence or skill (always 100% in-class participation, did well on most tests with little effort in middle and high school, usually learn new material/skills quickly, but I don’t get the best grades. I’ll ignore homework or forget about deadlines. I often feel that others get more recognition for things I can do. I can write a really good essay...if I ever get around to it.)

if a child has a good support system and is well-engaged as a child, ADHD symptoms may not be evident or debilitating until adolescence or adulthood, when the kid’s lifestyle and social interactions are forced to change (like in high school and college). Life changes can have huge impacts on people with ADHD. (The majority of my freshman year of college was me wondering why I couldn’t function like my peers. My anxiety and depression came back strong. mental health deteriorated, ended taking a medical leave.)

Adults with ADHD are often diagnosed with another psychiatric disorder before they are diagnosed with ADHD. 

There’s quite a bit more. But I’ll leave it at that.

Prior to my ADHD testing, I never really thought I had ADHD. Looking back on my childhood, I didn’t think there was much to point in that direction: I did well in elementary and middle school, if the subject wasn’t boring or required a lot of work I could focus no problem, never had behavioral issues, I got along with everyone and could talk to adults no problem, good at math and reasoning, I could “sit still”.

However, there are some things that I experienced as a child and still experience now: I am a deity-level procrastinator (took me a full year to finish an incomplete college class, I barely passed with a D), I get bored easily (I have so many hobbies and can’t stick with one for too long), organization and task execution is not a strong suit, even if I clean up, my spaces never stay neat and tidy for long, when I was a kid, I’d take my time to do things, and, often, a very long time, I start a lot of things or become interested in new things, but quickly leave them for other things, I’m super distractible, if I’m standing unengaged, such as in a line, I can’t stand still, if I don’t have reminders and a calendar, there’s a high chance I’ll forget about it, I zone out a lot—daydreaming or overthinking, being idle makes me anxious, I somehow have a lot of energy (according to people around me) even when I don’t feel that I do (this manifests as physical movement or being very vocal), I try to tell people things when they are in the middle of an activity that requires their attention (such as parking, speaking on the phone, texting, working, etc.) I’m better about it now, but sometimes still struggle a bit or get irritated when people don’t give me attention, I get really restless sometimes, time management? who is she?....

Just wanted to share this in the hopes that someone might read and have some insight. Or just moral support. I don’t really know what to think, and I don’t know how a different diagnosis might affect my life. I guess I’m just trying to figure myself out. What are your thoughts? Experiences?

Thanks for reading.

[ddonggeun]

Hey! So I’m suspecting if I got adhd/add but is there any symptom idk. It’s really exp here to get it diagnosed

sorry it took me a while to get back to you because honestly i dont know whats a good alternative for you can be so i guess i can share my own experience? 

first of all i think googling symptoms and types of adhd and reading peoples account on how adhd/add manifest is a good start? my doctor and the reddit /r/adhd REALLY help me to accept myself (which is the first step i think) but the way i get diagnosis (i am adhd with predominately inattentiveness - but at the same time i have depressions and dyslexia which is like a killer combo 10/10 would never rec) is that i came across with an article a couple months about how girls with adhd are more likely to be (mis)diagnosed with depression and it basically fucks up multiple generations because they cant get the help they need and i was like wait whats describe in it sounds kind of like me but at the same time i have always been very lethargic and rather well behaved in class growing up i am nothing like what you would typically associate with adhd (you know the hyper-activeness) so during my next visit to the doctor (im getting treatment for my depression) i mention to the article to her and she said wait you know what describe how you feel in a classroom setting growing up and is there anything you do that teachers complain about repeatedly and tell me how studying and doing homework is like to you and so i did (i can go further into details of my life since a lot contributes to why i only get diagnosis when im 21… let me know if you would like to know i guess?)

my doctor (who just so happens to be an adhd specialist and is quite active in the research area i didnt know before then we stan forever i love her really she is so encouraging and so good at her job) took some notes as i was talking and after im done she said you know what i think you might be onto something but i cant be sure yet (since i have depression and dyslexia which both overlaps quite a lot with adhd/add) why dont i first explain to you what adhd is and i’ll give you the set of official diagnosis questions you dont have to do it just take a look at it first do some research organize your thought talk to your parents about it and if you think getting a test on it is something you want we can set up another appointment and we can go from there - which is really really nice because adhd has always been a taboo at least with my upbringing it makes you a loser socially academically and you know just in general its not something you will want to have…. 

in hind sight there are SO MANY SIGNS even in early childhood how come no one notice i dont know prolly because i grew up in the 00s if you are different you need to kys lmao rip: 

trouble paying attention in school or work,

the appearance of not listening - although im an audio learner funny enough

avoidance of activities that require sustained focus,

being easily distracted 

restlessness

fidgeting and cant sit properly - i shake my legs or click my pen so much especially when im thinking or anxious lmao, i got into trouble a lot when i was younger because i only sit in my seat facnig the teacher 5 mins max at at ime then i move around or i move the chair around i think better when i cross my legs but i went to a uniform school and i always make my skirt too short so you know

interrupting - if i dont say what comes to mind when it comes to mind, the thought is gone forever

frequent talking and talking way too fast - i get the exact same comment every single report day class from when i was 4 till i graduated high school im not even kidding “she has excellent comprehension skill and reading speed. it would be great if parents can help her out a bit in maths or chemistry.  she has a lot of potential if she applies herself, she seems distracted although when we ask her questions she can answer. very helpful and bubbly and yet she talks too much in class. she is not disruptive and her seatmate never complains but she just doesnt stop talking. we have been pairing her up with quiet students in class in the hopes that she will talk less in class but she just turn the quiet student talkative”

trying to do multiple things at once - i cant do one thing at a time, even when im say writing a paper i need to be listening to music or talking to someone if not switching between tabs or word files

mood swings

hyperfocus - oh boy oh boy oh boy

impulsiveness - i dont know if i get better as i age or is it getting worse i just know how to clean up my mess lmaooooo

poor time management - although i would say ever since i start listening to stuff 24/7 it really helps build a sense of the passage of time or whatever? its like now i know ok by the time i get to the third song in the shower i need to be washing out my conditioner; or say i need to go somewhere in 40 mins which is really abstract to me i set timers and put on a show thats 35ish mins even tho im not watching it just so im aware of time is actually happening if it makes sense

fail to follow through - i start things and once i have it figure out in my head i struggle to put it down in words or explain it to others i work well with other adhd peps tho

doesnt follow instruction and only do stuff their way

burnout - this is the worst especially if you are a perfectionist or a control freak and guess who is both 

trouble coping with stress - 

i luck out because im canadian and my doctor (in my schools clinic) just so happens to be a specialist who is very passionate about helping undergrads and grad school students to achieve as much as they can - so doctor and diagnosis for me is free. i do have to pay for my medications out of my pocket for a bit since im on vyvanse (to treat both my adhd and depression-lead anxiety its complicated but it makes sense when my doctor explained it to me lol) and this drug isnt covered by Pharmacare (CAD $130ish for 3 weeks worth of 30mg, im mostly on 30mg but on days when i dont have work on stuff or go to school i take 20mg just so my anxiety dont cause me to explode lmao) and very expensive but recently my doctor and i have agreed that vyvanse really work for me and it is something that i should be on daily for the foreseeable future we applied for special authorization which means i only gotta pay the tax… of course medicating isnt a must but it is what works for me and we figure out a way to make it affordable so i cant be more happy about that

at the same time i work with my psychiatrist to you know configure the whole adhd thing cause you know 21 years of repressing and forcing your feet into a shoes that not even your size frick you up thats something people dont tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️

what my doctor said to me then stuck with me - she told me adhd or add really is no monster or flaw in fact it is a very valuable set of traits we inherit from our ancestor - we hate it now because modern society render these skills useless well you see adhd isnt all about the hyperactiveness you see in the media people with adhd are extra sensitive to their surrounding and prefer hands on experiences (today we call them distracted) they are always aware of the change around them and is capable to attend to a couple things at a time and act fast because their brains are always making sense of things even when they arent consciously doing it. in todays society we dont want these kind of people why? because they ask questions they are curious people who notice trivial stuff that dont contribute to productivity they cant sit still which makes them not the ideal factor workers or pupils BUT! you have to remember that industrialization started like a century ish ago before that our ancestors live in predominately tribal society - adhd people then are the perfect caretakers and protectors, why? because they are always noticing things they adapt and react fast… so yeah it kinda suck for us growing up in a system thats designed to be everything we are and it is something that need to be changed but for those of us who “made it out alive” especially people who only get diagnosed in adulthood more often than not they look back and realize they have developed so many incredible ways to cope to make things work - are they always the perfect way? are they always health? no definitely no but at the same time it shows you how incredible these people are they make things work yes things are really hard sometimes but you got to give yourself a pet in the shoulder for not giving up… with the help of science and research we now know a little more about how adhd affect people we now have medication and programs developed to help people with adhd - they arent to dumb you down or numb you but instead it helps you to focus better so you can actually hear your entire thought and not just phrases or sentence fragments

[madd-information]

Hello I'm a teenager and I don't know how I can explain MADD to my parents without thinking I'm crazy. I tried with my mom and it didn't go well. I also have trouble studying because I'm too distracted by my daydreams. What can I do? Thank you.

Anonymous said:

I recently found out that maladaptive daydreaming is something I’ve been doing for years… I tried to tell my mother about it but she didn’t really listen and said daydreaming and stuff makes me creative. I’m now doubting that I actually have it and I don’t know how to carry on. Do you have any advice? How do I know if I really do do this?

Two similar asks came in so I am going to answer them together.

Talking about MD is tricky, there’s no great body of literature we can rely on and no clinicians who can diagnose us. Here is the proposed diagnostic criteria which may be able to help you figure out if what you are experiencing is clinical MD.

When discussing this with parents it might be helpful to talk about something else first; MD is comorbid with several other conditions which are recognized by society and mental health professionals (ADHD, anxiety, depression and OCD being the most notable).  If you suspect you may have one of these issues not only is it advisable to be screened and treated but it could also help you open a line of communication about MD or get your foot in the door with a therapist.

The best thing you can do is educate yourself.  I have a number of papers and resources listed here on my blog, you can also flip through the University of Haifa’s MD Research Lab website. Make sure the information you are reading is reliable, Tumblr has a lot of great blogs and MDers who do their best to represent MD accurately, it is also a place filled with anecdote, emotion and sketchy sources. Read the primary sources for yourself and don’t trust any of us, not even me, I make mistakes all the time (I think we all remember the ‘MD Themes’ fiasco of 2017).  The more you know, the better you will be able to advocate for yourself. 

I also advise writing it out in the form of a letter.  No one ever has to read this letter it’s just a good tool for organizing your thoughts and making sure everything that needs to be said get’s it’s chance, write rebuttals to yourself answers to questions that may come up and a description of what you are experiencing, why it’s important and what you want to do about it. 

When talking to someone about this you may want to let it come up naturally or pick a slow moment to bring it up.  Sitting people down for a big discussion can put them on edge or make them feel trapped.  Don’t get me wrong, in no way do you want to down play your mental health concerns, just try to find a time and place in which everyone is suitably calm and comfortable and less likely to become defensive or immediately dismissive. 

While explaining MD stick to the facts, talk about how it makes you feel and how it is effecting your life.  Do not talk about the details of your daydreams, if asked gloss over it and answer vaguely as best you can.  The details of the daydreams don’t really matter to MD, they are often insane and violent and sexual and weirdly obsessive and a million other things which may prompt people to want to analyse or discuss these themes.  Daydream details are simply not that important, they may be helpful to explore in therapy but in this initial conversation they are next to useless and will only bog down a conversation about your mental health with trivialities.

Explain how you’re feeling. Say what you’re having trouble with, and how it’s affecting you. Talk about what they can do to help.  Having a way forward dispenses with some of the anxiety of “I don’t know what to do about Kid.” And keep trying…

They’re probably not going to get it. “You’re just creative.”, “Everyone does that.”, “You just want attention.”  Try not to get angry or frustrated, fighting tends to make people 'double down’ and can damage your chances at getting parents on-board.  Remember, accept and expect that they won’t understand, and that’s ok.  You can prepare for this, they can’t, from the other side of the table it often seems like someone who has, throughout their lives, been normal and well adjusted is suddenly claiming to have an outlandish made-up disease. It’s going to take them some time and do not feel like you haven’t made progress if you need to table this topic and revisit it later, the seed is planted, let them mull it over at their own pace. 

One thing you can do to help is to provide some reading material or videos for them to flip through.  Whatever you give them make sure you read or watch it first.  Many sources talk about the childhood trauma pathway to MD (27% of MDers experienced childhood abuse and neglect), this, even though it is not the majority, is a startling number and many people seem to latch on to it. It may not be something you want to come up right away, whether it’s true or not. Whatever you show them make sure it is accurate, clear and not too extreme.

If you are feeling really alone and just need people to talk to, you can find some MD communities here. And if you simply can’t seem to make your parents understand that this is an issue which needs to be taken seriously you should consider (assuming minors) speaking with another adult. Teachers, counselors, family or clergy are all  good options, adults will often listen to people in authority that they respect and who are seen as honest, caring, and helpful.  You can also try to help yourself by reading up on CBT and Mindfulness, two of the most commonly suggested treatment pathways for MD, some helpful links can be found here. 

Good luck guys!

[haunthearted]

I wanted to recommend a very good website, especially to my trans, dysphoric or dissociative followers.

Gender Analysis is a very well researched, well-sourced website about the trans experience. I take whatever opportunities I can to write polite, good-faith, educational replies to people on Reddit who don't "get" trans things, and I always rely heavily on GA because whatever the topic, there will be an article filled with the original scientific papers rebutting transphobic viewpoints. It can also be useful for supporting conversations with parents/friends, because it has the primary research right there. For example, today I learnt that all the concept of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria ("my kid got a tumblr and now she says shes transgender because of peer pressure!") originated on three anti-trans websites, and despite its official-sounding name, has no research behind it. I knew that intellectually, but it's powerful to have the evidence clearly there for you.

Zinna Jones is one of the key writers there, and you may know her other work as she's been a prominent internet trans human for many years (how she has the courage and spoons for that, I will never know). One of her key experiences of gender dysphoria was depersonalisation: a weird, fuzzy, not-quite-thereness. On beginning hormones, it cleared up immediately: she had an "I didn't know what wrong felt like until I started feeling right" experience, as well you might if feeling oddly absent is your normal day-to-day experience. Because it wasn't a focus of how dysphoria was written about while she was coming up, she's done a lot of writing and research on it at Gender Analysis: describing what it felt like, researching comparable experiences in other trans narratives, and most recently trialing an anti-dissociative drug to see how it affected her.

Many of us come to ghosthood due to experiencing similar things to Jones - a not-quite-thereness, an oddness, a sense of timelessness and dislocation. Some of us very clearly associate it with trauma, a mental illness, or gender dysphoria; for others, it's just part of the fabric of life. I would like to recommend reading her posts on this particular topic to anyone who experiences something similar.

Now, if you relate to what she writes it doesn't mean you're transgender - don't panic - as varieties of depersonalisation can be a symptom of all sorts of other things - especially trauma and trauma-related conditions like BPD/CPTSD. But you might still find her descriptions useful.

On the other hand, if you are identifying as transgender and wondering if hormones are for you, you might find it validating or helpful.

(and because the world is horrible, there's no small chance that trans people are also traumatised. There's a great pair of posts that I'm sure you've already read, "That was dysphoria?" - but also her follow up, in which she re-experiences some of those symptoms as a depression.)

Finally, a recent post series explored an anti-depersonalisation drug, which you might be interested in exploring as an option for yourself. I had no idea there was such a thing!

In short, I was re-reading the archives this morning, and it occurred to me that a great many followers here might appreciate or find these posts useful. Make of them what you will, and best wishes to you all x

A tonne more thoughts after the cut:

This isn't meant to be "a trans blog", so I'm not going to focus on this too often. But certainly for me, Jones' posts really spoke to me and my experiences. I think there's a real danger in underselling how weird gender dysphoria feels. One sort of expects or assumes gender dysphoria is "I hate my breasts because I am a man"; there isn't so much written about how it can be "I'm tired, I don't really care, everything seems hollow and false, but I can't imagine life being any different because it's what I've always known, and it's not clearly anything to do with gender". That's been my experience - and it's incredibly hard to spot. I've been through six diagnoses since I was a teen (OCD, depression, anxiety, BPD, ADHD, autism), because while I've always been clearly unwell, it's hard to pinpoint gender dysphoria when it just manifests as brainweird, especially when that brainweird is you normal, as it was for Jones.   For example, I've never really recognised my own face in the mirror. Weird, but whatever. When I was considering hormones last year, I decided to take up weightlifting as part of my experimentation process. It would allow me to see how I felt about developing a more masculine body, in a controlled way, and as someone who *hates* exercise, it would also be a useful test of commitment: was I dysphoric enough to motivate me to go to the gym? Because if not, I probably was not dysphoric enough to transition either. Well, I went three times a week and followed the correct food recommendations for building muscle until I could no longer afford either; and then it happened. I looked in the mirror and it was like a visceral, immediate shock of recognition. And now I can't unsee it. Every time I look in the mirror, my brain immediately pings back "nice Robert Plant vibe you got there man", which is ridiculous; no one else on the planet would see me and think that. But that very small amount of muscle, and slightly-more-masculine-shoulder/arm-profile, was enough to make my brain recognise itself for the first time.

Sometimes you don't understand what "wrong" feels like until you have "right" to compare it to.

(I think those of us with early experience of abuse might also relate to that; the way that being loved and respected by a good person later in life can be both shocking, and bring on a period of processing and heavy reflection because it illustrates how very wrongly you were treated before. Even if you know it intellectually,  just the experience can be profound. Certainly, I've got a few experiences of not-being-taken-advantage-of which were absolutely shattering, like I was being taught how to love myself for the first time.)

And as you might expect, I'm also feeling very reluctant to pursue transition. This sort of nebulous dysphoria is, well - . I envy very much the "I knew I was trans from the moment I hit puberty because I hated the gender I was living in" people, who clearly see gender as their problem. It's very hard to contemplate something as life-changing as transition when its motivated by an increasing certainty that the only cure for my incurable mental ill is a different hormone balance, and as many days I have where I ask myself why I didn't transition 5 years ago already, I have others where I know I'll have to be dragged kicking and screaming through the process as my last resort.

Like, a few years ago I was at a "Even if I am transgender, I think I'd rather live as a woman [for reasons]" point; and now I'm at a "I would still rather live as a woman, but I am desperate to have enough disposable income to buy a really nice set of towels and maybe transition would make me well enough to not only work, but have a real career, and maybe I could buy a car, and go on holiday, and start buying tailored clothes instead of charity shop, and maybe redecorate my house in faux-Victorian style, and I really don't care if everybody hates me and I no longer have a coherently cisgender body, I would do anything to be able to afford unusual cheeses and teas rather than subsisting on stew" point. It sounds so shallow, but there it is; because so many of the problems I have don't feel dysphoria-related, because I'm only understanding them as dysphoria-related because nothing else has made an impact, my focus is increasingly on the little things in life I want to achieve, and maybe could achieve if my brainweird was fixed. I'm now fairly sure that if/when I do transition physically, I'll continue to recognise myself more, and realise how much of an impact physical dysphoria was having.

But it's what I know. And like Hamlet says, easier to bear the struggles we know than fly to others that we know not of.

Sidenote:

Intermittently, you'll see approaches which try to set up trans or mentally ill people as enemies to otherkin people, like the two experiences cannot co-exist, or like otherkin people ought to take the fall for the way transphobic use them as an anti-trans "gotcha". I personally find this very frustrating: I prefer approaches which are open, rather than closed off. Many/most of my followers here are either trans, mentally ill, have trauma, experience dysphoria or some other unspecified bodyweird/brainweird. In real life, I have four otherkin/therian/furry friends - and they too all meet that description. {There are also many otherkin who see their history as spiritual or religious, who aren't trans/mentally ill/traumatised, or who don't really know the source of their experiences - all of which is also OK!}.

I would always prefer to take a holistic and compassionate approach to the way experiences can overlap, rather than a combatative/competitive/polarised one; any hostile or fightin' talk messages/replies will be ignored, blocked or deleted as appropriate, because that's not a value I have for my online space. Although I'm open to discussing or exploring it, so please don't hold back if you want to talk about your experiences in good faith.

In short, there is a fairly significant overlap between people who come to identify as transgender/dysphoric/mentally ill, and those who come to identify as otherkin, or who might temporarily identify with one of those experiences while figuring things out  - and this post is for them. Politics makes things sound so simple and clean-cut, but people are messy and complex, and I'd much rather help individuals navigate and explore their experiences - even if they are contradictory, or don't support my political goals. Trying to figure out brainweird and bodyweird is challenging enough, without making people tread on eggshells during the process.

[horsebitesfence]

On Chronophobia and ADHD – RB with Hestia Peppe

RB: hey, i think i just self-diagnosed with ADHD, am i right in thinking that's something you know about? would welcome any recs you might have for reading/resources

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RB: (it would explain so muchhhh)

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RB: (also wondering about the rel between ADHD and trauma)

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HP: Oooh yes! ADHD is definitely the errr paradigm I am working with right now if that's a way to think about it.

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HP: I am actually amazed by how practically useful it has been to think in these terms.

But I will say in terms of research/resources stuff is thin on the ground and mixed up with a lot of neurocognitive research which i find quite dodgy in places, not to mention the (very american) pharmaceutical agenda.The best stuff i found has been self advocacy descriptive personal account stuff, and that has been very much a process of reading between the lines.

Basically, people with ADHD tend to at least appear quite ‘high functioning’ (not an ideal phrase because hierarchies) so go undetected often, and then its very very stigmatised, i would say, in that often symptoms or traits are judged in moral terms. The most important sort of secondary ideas i have found are about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, and anxiety as a hugely comorbid secondary issue which is more likely to be treated than the ADHD itself.

The relationship to discipline and goal-setting is formative, as is chronophobia or a traumatised relation to time, and sometimes memory. The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so process is more fulfilling than completion of work; but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.

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HP: As far as its relation to trauma goes, i would say it probably renders us more vulnerable to CPTSD. Lack of diagnosis or 'management' of ADHD leads to problematic coping mechanisms, leading possibly to abusive or addictive behaviours or on the other end vulnerability from a lack of or funky interpersonal boundaries. But whether anything is causal/symptomatic or comorbid seems always particularly hard to tell with ADHD, partly because of the non-typical relation to time.

HP: The neurocognitive hypothesis is that it’s a problem in the dopamine cycle, so [that] process is more fulfilling than completion of work, but i am super skeptical about neurotransmitter theories.

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HP: On the plus side, [my] university and NHS [practitioners] have both been really encouraging about seeking help for it and getting a psychiatric diagnosis, which i am interested in, tho will no doubt have its downsides.

Most important, i think, is that mental health problems are treated in the context of ADHD as a constitution, rather than [in isolation], and i think that would go for trauma stuff too. Apparently ADHD folks have less success with SSRIs than others.
I think a body focused/somatic approach [is] v. v. productive, for both ADHD and trauma.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria [also] seems key. It’s the idea that the emotional impact of rejection is almost irrationally high in many ADHD folks, but [then again] this may be a traumatised relation from the stigma of ADHD, and literally being reprimanded more often than neurotypical folks, rather than being an essential difference. So if there's an interaction with trauma specific to ADHD it might be related to emotional response to external stimuli being higher.

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RB: gosh, yea.

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HP: Sorry so much.

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RB:  Wondering how receptive my gp would be to my requesting an adult diagnosis

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HP: My GP was like ‘yes, will refer u immediately’, but that’s with a recommendation from an Ed Psych which uni paid for. *UPDATE: NHS maybe aren’t doing this as quickly as i thought, so it remains to be seen if they follow through; and university seems to just be sending me through as many hoops as possible, lots of assessments, minimal support systems.

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RB: ok

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RB:  i saw this on Twitter – ‘ADHD Explained Using Comics’ by Dani Donovan,1

and, like, so much of it is me. ,2So much. idk what chronophobia is but def. have weird relationship with time. Very weird.

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HP:  I have sort of made up chronophobia but am sure its a thing.

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RB: 'comorbidity'

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RB:  i feel lost in time.

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HP: It seems to me the best stuff around is DIY stuff exactly like the comics u link to

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RB: also – trouble starting anything; trouble finishing without hard external deadlines – so me.

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RB: why i never write

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HP:  I think these are like the defining traits tbh

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RB: even tho i want/need to be writing

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RB: + procrastinating

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HP:  Comorbidity is the creepiest word

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RB: as described ^^

HP:  Same!

RB: do u medicate for it, may i ask? seems like mindfulness / meditation cld really be helpful

RB:  i had an insane year on citalopram

HP: In America they see it as essential to medicate for it from a v early age but i am like v v v skeptical

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RB: sertraline seemed better

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HP:  I took Prozac for 5 years; it didn’t do much except make me sleepy and a bit ok with shit life, but for ADHD it’s Ritalin or Vyvanse, so treatment with low constant dose of stimulants (*sometimes also something called dopamine blockers, but I don't know the details).

RB: ok; so, like coffee? just on my risky 2nd cup.

HP:  I dont myself want this prescription.

HP:  Am sure mindfulness etc v. good, but i do think body-focused methods best.

RB: ok

HP: I read this Twitter by Erynn Brook (sp?), and she advocates meds but also talks a lot about building in good coping mechanisms like how you organise yrsrlf in space/time in ways that work for u.

RB: yea; more interested in strategy

HP: So yeah strategy v. key.

RB: hey thanks so much, also in as much as i may unconsciously have posited u as gatekeeper. couldn’t have hoped for a more helpful reply.

HP: No worries! It’s good talking to other people about it cos the grand narrative of it is well shaky

HP: One thing i have worked out is that it’s all just emerging now so u can’t really gatekeep it, thank fuck. Glad to be helpful always. Check out Erynn Brook and remember being kind to yourself cos probably u havent been being if u just got to this point.

[time passes]

RB: hey, i'd really like to hear a bit more about your thinking on chronophobia;

it stayed with me as a strong motif.  felt so 'full' when you said it it took me a while to realise i hadn't asked u to describe it.

HP: Yes I would love to see you and talk about all this stuff. I have thoughts tjoughts thought ... Google searching ‘Chronophobia’ brings up this book from MIT about art in the 60s:

https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/chronophobia. It appears to be also a term in use in psychology/self help; is in wiktionary, and appears to mean the obvious: fear of the passing of time. Associations with incarcerated people, particularly, suffering from it and also anyone suffering from heightened stress and anxiety. Searching chronophobia + ADHD, there are plenty of hits, so, again, this seems a well-made connection. I’m also thinking about ‘Chrononormativity’, an idea i was first introduced to by my friend Helen Stuhr Rommereim, and which I think she gets from Elizabeth Freeman (possibly via Lauren Berlant), in relation to ‘queer time’ or a failure to achieve normative milestones in the time allotted, such as maturity, childbearing, marriage. Her paper on this is included in the documentation of a conference about Chris Kraus we both attended in 2013, which is where we met as we were on the same panel. 3

HP: Context in my work right now – all of this to do with ideas about speculation, past/present/future, chance/fate, resistance to goal/plan/target, not knowing what to do.

I’m currently doing some early/cursory research into the mythology of the fates (Ancient Greek and other cultures) as spinners, and thread as line; trying to parse linearity and how it might or might not relate to neurodivergence/neurotypicality. I like lines as a way of following or tracing, and also drawing as well as writing –thinking a lot about the work of Renee Gladman, who is interested in architecture and fiction (prose architectures), and works with drawing and writing and the relation between the two – so, also automatic and asemic writing. I also think a lot about Ariadne’s red thread in the labyrinth, and now that i am trying to learn to spin, how all threads are made of many tiny ones. This trying to spin has grown out of an old durational performance work i have done for years – so, durational performance, as a form, is part of this, maybe, for me. I always like the durational form, as it is more about setting up boundaries in space and then letting time happen than [it is about] existing in linear time. Chronophobia as anxiety about mortality, and control, or volition/agency; or the trace of subjectivity in the world (cf maybe tim ingold). Also, there are two types of time in the classical sense: Kairos (the now) and Chronos (history), or something like that.  None of this is fact-checked, I must say.Tarot cards relating to time are: wheel of fortune, temperance, death, the hanged man.

HP: Not sure i am doing this right, but thought some context to the earlier conversation might be useful for orientation, at the same time as thinking about my own self-diagnosis of ADHD and how it relates to knowledge and action and intention and access. Not sure if you saw this on my Twitter, but I thought it was a very good overview of neurodiversity discourse as it stands: https://www.janinebooth.com/content/two-and-half-cheers-neurodiversity

RB: Thanks. You’re doing this very right, I’d say.  Like somewhere back in the transcript there is a ‘gosh, yea’ of mine which stands in as a marker for the point at which my mind was blown, began to make new neural connections, bathed in a sort of speechless radiant awe for what you said; and this feels the same only more so, galaxy brain in mandelbrot – only grounded in and by your efforts to verbalise it and connect it with your work and that of others. That this is what you’re working on for your doctorate – I am awed and excited to know it. I would really like to be present when you perform.  I’m really impressed by your articulation. I feel such a relieved shock of recognition for chronophobia as you describe it, as something I had begun to acknowledge and articulate internally, but never outside myself, verbally or otherwise; nor had any inkling that it might be tangled up with ADHD ... nor that it is something other people experience or know about, nor that you are working on it in this profound way. I feel less alone and am honoured that you shared this here with us.

RB: Also – ehheh!  I saw today that we both liked this tweet

RB: Another highlight, for me, of today’s feed –

RB: I’m always keen for writers’ writing on technique, scanning in case I find a key there to my own outward articulacy and/or the means to vanquish distraction/avoidance. Just remembered when the poet Lucy Mercer said to me that as a writer, I’m a weaver. I was happy with that then and I am happy with it here, in this context. 4

HP: Hey! This is all so kind of you to say I am sort of overwhelmed. I can't believe i have even been paid for this already, so shout out to that. I made up chronophobia because  i wanted a way to describe my fear of time. I dont think it was really to talk to anyone else about it. I looked it up afterwards when I mentioned it to you I guess i have really let you have it with the inner monologue. I looked it up after I mentioned it to you. I figured that this had, you know, happened before, that other people would already be using this word. And they are. As a sort of intra-post-script, it is important to say that in terms of ADHD I came to this knowledge or understanding after like 12 years working as a private tutor, and without the students I worked with in that time I don’t see how I would have got to this articulation, so immense gratitude and respect to them for the thinking we did together about how thinking and learning work for different people.

HP: I was going to email you and ask for a deadline today but in the end i didn't write any emails because i was just spinning yarn on the wheel. It’s an amazing process learning to do it. Like a truly never-has-to-end embodied action. I think it could be the best way to replace some obsessive Twitter scrolling. My dad totally gets it. He says singing while spinning, that's the thing, he's heard. I learnt how to learn things from him mostly. I think maybe both my folks have ADHD. It’s supposed to be super heritable.

HP: My mum's a doctor. That's maybe where I get the cavalier attitude to discussing stuff like this you are supposed to be an expert to be allowed to think about. I am absolutely not an expert except perhaps of my own experience. Which this is, but but i push it, i know that. tho I don’t want the meds, I absolutely want to stress i am not like totally against meds. Chemicals are fine and good. Like coffee or you know whatever works. I am just in favour of people being given the best possible understanding of any treatment they undergo. I feel like i wanna unwind my own coping mechanisms like manually. Maybe that's a perk of late diagnosis – for me, anyway.

HP: I have to stop now. I am in a park and it’s dark now. I was sitting in the park cos i was an hour early to get a lift from my friend because i was so worried about being late. It’s perfect timing though. If you like sitting in parks watching orange street-lamps through blossom as if they are the sunset like some kinda shook moth. Which I do. And then type super fast into a phone cos you know someone asked.

HP: Thanks xx

RB: <3

RB: Thank you

1 –   https://Twitter.com/danidonovan/status/1100414551932030984

2

3 (http://www.metamute.org/editorial/books/you-must-make-your-death-public-collection-texts-and-media-work-chris-kraus )

4 mercer | ˈməːsə | noun British, chiefly historical a dealer in textile fabrics, especially silks, velvets, and other fine materials. (Oxford English Dictionary Version 2.3.0 (203.16.12))

[catholiccruisesandtours]

St. Nicholas Day (December 6th) Our Family Traditions | Wellness Mama

The Tradition of St. Nicholas Day Around the World (December 6th) Katie Wells 18 Comments Updated: December 1, 2018 This post contains affiliate links Thanks to a European influence on both sides of the family, my husband and I both grew up celebrating the tradition of St. Nicholas Day on December 6th. Many people just know St. Nicholas by the name Santa Claus. While the modern figure of Santa derives from St. Nick, you’d hardly find this patron saint of children making toys in the North Pole. Who Was St. Nicholas? The real man behind the fictitious modern day Santa Claus was St. Nicholas of Myra. Born in 280 A.D. in Asia Minor, he lost his parents at an early age, though they left him great wealth when they died. He was known for giving anonymous gifts to help those in need and was eventually made a bishop. The good bishop died on December 6th; thus this day is now St. Nicholas Day. (For a fascinating explanation of how a man with a beard, reindeer, and the North Pole came to be associated with St. Nick, see this podcast episode about Santa Claus and the roots of the story in Finnish culture.) Why the Gift Giving? The history of leaving shoes or stockings out for St. Nicholas likely stems from the story of him leaving small bags of gold for a man and his three daughters. During those times women had to bring a dowry to a marriage in order to find a good husband. St. Nick heard of a man who had three daughters but could not afford the dowry. Without it, the daughters would most likely enter a life of prostitution instead of being able to marry. According to legend, St. Nick threw three bags of gold through their window at night, saving them from a life at a brothel and cementing his place as the patron of gift giving. St. Nicholas Day Around the World The feast of St. Nicholas is celebrated around the world in various cultures. Our own family tradition is a hybrid of several cultural traditions related to St. Nick. This is how some cultures around the world remember this day: Shen’Kollë in Greece In Greece (as well as Albania, Serbia, and Bulgaria), St. Nicholas is celebrated on the eve of his feast day, December 5th. This day is known as Shen’Kolli i Dimnit (Saint Nicholas of Winter). In these cultures, this day is one of fasting, not gift giving. In fact, on this day, most people abstain from meat or fast completely or prepare a feast to eat just after midnight. Sinterklaas in Belgium & Netherlands In these countries, children leave their boots in front of the fireplace for St. Nicholas. Often, they include a carrot or a treat for his horses, as legend has it that he arrived with his horses via sleigh or steamboat in these areas. St. Nicholas and Père Fouettard in France In France, St. Nicholas arrives on December 6th and gives children small gifts and chocolates. In the weeks leading up to this day, parents and grandparents tell stories of the legend of St. Nick, including a disturbing but popular one. The story goes that three children wandered away and got lost. A butcher lured them into his shop where he killed them and salted them away in a large tub. According to legend, St. Nicholas revived the boys and brought them home to their families. (At least there’s a happy ending!) This story earned St. Nicholas his reputation as protector of children in France. The butcher (known as “Père Fouettard,” meaning “Father Whipper”) is imagined to follow St. Nicholas in penance and leave lumps of coal or even whip misbehaving children. In France, statues and paintings often portray this event, showing the saint with children in a barrel. Sankt Nikolaus and Krampusnacht in Germany and Austria The way our family honors St. Nicholas mainly centers on this tradition. In Germany and Austria (and some other countries in this region), children leave out a boot for St. Nicholas and receive small toys, coins, or candy. In these areas, St. Nicholas still dresses like a bishop and often is portrayed on a horse. Like the French story, a sinister companion accompanies St. Nick, in this case the even more terrifying demon-like Krampus. In these areas, they don’t mess around with an Elf on the Shelf to encourage kids to be good: they invoke the legend of the Krampus! This beast is thought to punish children who misbehave and to capture particularly naughty children in his sack and carry them away to his lair. The Krampus has roots in Germanic folklore and its influence has spread to Austria, southern Bavaria, South Tyrol, northern Friuli, Hungary, Slovenia, the Czech Republic, the Slovak Republic, and Croatia. December 5th is known as Krampus Night, or Krampusnacht, in which the hairy devil appears on the streets. Traditionally young men dress up as the Krampus on the night of December 5th and roam the streets frightening children with rusty chains and bells. How We Celebrate St. Nicholas Day Spooky stories are fun in their own way, but never fear … there is a more cheerful way to celebrate St. Nicholas Day! He was a good bishop known for helping others, after all. We honor St. Nick’s feast day in our family by celebrating in a few ways, adapting a mix of celebrations from around the world. Leaving Shoes or Boots Out on December 5th We leave out a shoe or boot in the hallway on the evening of December 5th for St. Nick’s arrival on December 6th. This is similar to the idea of doing stockings, though we do that as well on Christmas Day. In the boots, our kids usually find: Coins: Each child receives some quarters in their shoe to signify the money St. Nicholas gave. Healthy Treats: We also give some healthy treats like dark chocolate, small bags of nuts,  or homemade marshmallows. Oranges: These signify the gold St. Nick gave away and our kids love oranges this time of year (which we don’t usually get because they aren’t in season). Random Acts of Kindness The most important lesson from the legend of St. Nicholas is his generosity. To help us all remember this, we make a point to do random acts of kindness this time of year. We brainstorm creative ways to help those in need in our local area, and set about our “secret” mission to bring some joy to others. In the past, we’ve done things like: Drop off grocery store gift cards to families in need. Give a big box of wrapped gifts and clothes to families who need them. Anonymously pay the utility bills of someone in need. Wrap gifts or donate items to local foster programs. The list of possibilities is endless, and it’s always a good lesson in gratitude for all our blessings. The Traveling Christmas St. Nicholas (or Angel) This is perhaps the most fun tradition and one I hope you’ll consider starting in your own area. In the spirit of St. Nicholas Day, we start a traveling Christmas St. Nicholas (or Angel) tradition to spark generosity all over our area. Here’s how it works: Get some kind of small St. Nicholas statue or angel statue. Think of another family in your area you want to pass on the statue to and something kind to do for them. This could be a small gift, a family activity, or just an act of kindness. Anonymously leave the statue on their front door mat one evening with a letter indicating that they’ve been touched by the spirit of Christmas generosity and that it is now their turn to pass on a kind act to another family in the area. We also print out a paper that “We’ve been visited by St. Nicholas” that they can post in their front window so others know they’ve already been visited. Whether you celebrate St. Nicholas Day or not, a random act of kindness is a great way to honor the Christmas season and we certainly need more of it in the world. Happy Feast of St. Nicholas, from my family to yours! Does your family celebrate St. Nicholas Day? What are your traditions? Filed Under: Natural Home This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my affiliate policy. Twitter Facebook Google+ Pinterest Linkedin Reddit You May Also Enjoy These Posts... Healthy Irish Recipes for St. Patrick's Day 39: Is ADHD Under Diagnosed? 101: Critical Thinking in a Social Media World (What You Didn’t Learn in History Class) About Katie Wells Katie Wells, CTNC, MCHC, Founder and CEO of Wellness Mama, has a background in research, journalism, and nutrition. As a mom of six, she turned to research and took health into her own hands to find answers to her health problems. WellnessMama.com is the culmination of her thousands of hours of research and all posts are medically reviewed and verified by the Wellness Mama research team. Katie is also the author of the bestselling books The Wellness Mama Cookbook and The Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox. Primary Sidebar Enter your name & best email address below to join the Wellness Mama community and get the latest articles, podcasts, & healthy discounts delivered to your inbox!

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A look at the Traditions of #SaintNicolasDay around the World. #CatholicCruisesAndTours 

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Why are our kids so miserable? — Quartz

Why are our kids so miserable? — Quartz

Reuters/Vincent West Hold on. A SAD STATE Why are our kids so miserable? By Jenny Anderson March 21, 2016 “Something in modern life is undermining mental health,” Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, wrote in a recent paper . Specifically, something is undermining young people’s mental health, especially girls. In her paper, Twenge looks at four studies covering 7 million people, ranging from teens to adults in the US. Among her findings: high school students in the 2010s were twice as likely to see a professional for mental health issues than those in the 1980s; more teens struggled to remember things in 2010-2012 compared to the earlier period; and 73% more reported trouble sleeping compared to their peers in the 1980s. These so-called “somatic” or “of-the-body” symptoms strongly predict depression. “It indicates a lot of suffering,” Twenge told Quartz. It’s not just high school students. College students also feel more overwhelmed; student health centers are in higher demand for bad breakups or mediocre grades, issues that previously did not drive college kids to seek professional help. While the number of kids who reported feeling depressed spiked in the 1980s and 1990s, it started to fall after 2008. It has started rising again: Kids are being diagnosed with higher levels of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and everyone aged 6-18 is seeking more mental health services, and more medication. The trend is not a uniquely American phenomenon: In the UK , the number of teenagers (15-16) with depression nearly doubled between the 1980s and the 2000s and a recent survey found British 15-year-olds were among the least happy teenagers in the world (those in Poland and Macedonia were the only ones who were more unhappy). “We would like to think of history as progress, but if progress is measured in the mental health and happiness of young people, then we have been going backward at least since the early 1950s,” Peter Gray, a psychologist and professor at Boston College, wrote in Psychology Today . What’s going on? Researchers have a raft of explanations for why kids are so stressed out, from a breakdown in family and community relationships, to the rise of technology and increased academic stakes and competition. Inequality is rising and poverty is debilitating. Twenge has observed a notable shift away from internal, or intrinsic goals, which one can control, toward extrinsic ones, which are set by the world, and which are increasingly unforgiving. Gray has another theory: kids aren’t learning critical life-coping skills because they never get to play anymore. “Children today are less free than they have ever been,” he told Quartz. And that lack of freedom has exacted a dramatic toll, he says. “My hypothesis is that the generational increases in externality, extrinsic goals, anxiety, and depression are all caused largely by the decline, over that same period, in opportunities for free play and the increased time and weight given to schooling,” he wrote. What’s so great about play? If play seems trivial, it’s not. Play is brain-building for babies and young children. There is a sequence of how children develop, from the moral and emotional to the social and intellectual, says Dr. Ellen Littman, a clinical psychologist and co-author of Understanding Girls with AD/HD. Each phase requires building certain muscles, whether to do math, or make a friend. “There is a developmental sequence and you can’t violate it all that much ,” Littman told Quartz . For example, circle time in preschool is not about learning the alphabet or mastering Old MacDonald as much as it is learning to be part of a group, mastering the art of taking turns, and starting to listen. But preschool is increasingly about preparing kids for kindergarten, which itself used to be about play, but now operates more like first grade . Kids are expected to sit for longer and focus on more academic tasks, relegating play to recess. According to Daphna Bassok, an assistant professor of education and public policy at the University of Virginia, in 1998, 30% of teachers believed that children should learn to read while in kindergarten. In 2010, that figure was at 80%. “They can do math in first grade, but they are not attuned to subtle social cues,” Littman says. “They are not developing the normal skills that come from interacting with play, including how to manage their emotions.” Gray agrees. Playing—unstructured time, with rules set by the kids (no adults acting as referee)—is how kids learn independence, problem-solving, social cues, and bravery. Now, parents jump in to to solve the playground kerfuffle, spot with eagle eyes the dangers of tall trees and steep hills, and fail to let kids have any independence for fear they will be abducted or hit by a car. “Where do children learn to control their own lives? When adults aren’t around to do it for you,” he said. “If you don’t have the opportunity to experience life on your own, to deal with the stressors of life, to learn in this context of play where you are free to fail, the world is a scary place,” he say. Beyond play Not everyone buys the play explanation. Twenge, whose latest book is Generation Me , notes that it is impossible to scientifically test whether the lack of play, or anything else, causes these problems: we can observe correlation, but not causation. She sees many potential factors contributing to the rise in symptoms and reported feelings of depression: a rise in broken relationships, such as divorce, a shift away from intrinsic to extrinsic goals, which can lead to a sense of not being able to control things, and higher expectations. The percentage of people who expect to get graduate and professional degrees, for example, has surged as have the number of people who aspire to secure a professional job. But the numbers of people getting these degrees and jobs has stayed flat. “Expectations have risen, but reality has stayed the same,” she told Quartz. She also refutes many popular explanations for why kids are increasingly stressed out. She does not believe the rise in anxiety and depression is due solely to more awareness about it. More kids are reporting huge increases in symptoms that predict depression, like inability to focus or trouble sleeping, without reporting an increase in feeling depressed. “People don’t even know these symptoms indicate depression, but they are reporting more of them,” she said. Many others blame technology for addling our brains. It is hard to imagine that it has not had some impact due to its pervasiveness and addictiveness. But Twenge says the data indicate anxiety and depression started rising long before SnapChat kidnapped our kids. “These increases started long before cell phones were in common use,” she said. Look in the mirror Parenting plays its part too. Some parents aren’t involved enough; others border on the obsessive. More work, meaning kids are in adult-led extra curricular activities, or home on the computer. But psychologists say it’s not the absence of overworked parents that is causing the problem, but how we parent when we are home. “We are enabling children to an extent to which they are almost helpless,” says Littman. “I have to stop parents from calling college professors to change their college grade,” she said. Maybe driven by love, or perhaps a sense of paranoia, some parents are veering toward micro-managing our kids’ every mini-success (while extolling the virtues of failure ). We help with the science project , edit the college essay, advocate for the better grade, and apologize on the playground when little Lucy won’t share the way we grown-ups think she should share. We set lots of rules for our kids, and wonder why they can’t set their own. Parents also play a critical role in setting those high expectations. At the upper end of the socioeconomic spectrum, we may be too evolved to push them toward the Ivy League, but we certainly want them to try their hardest—at everything: school, music, soccer, piano, judo, street dance. We say it’s not all about winning, but celebrate wining in spades. We encourage kids to find a passion—maybe for them, maybe for the college application—and do anything to make sure they are not sitting at home on their phones, or—god forbid, feeling bored. A new way forward Gray says all is not lost. The first line of attack is to recognize there is a problem. “Parents and educators need to understand that free play is not optional,” he says. “It’s essential to their healthy development.” He suggests ratcheting back organized, adult-led activities, and facilitating more open-ended ones where kids set the rules and parents play a less dominant role. One (lofty) idea: get schools to open in the afternoons with monitors, but not organized activities. He wants a shorter school year, which won’t go over well with those hell-bent on raising America’s weak academic standards, and a ban on homework for young kids. “ All of this school is doing more harm than good,” he said. Parents can of course try to set reasonable expectations. Many parents scramble for a tutor at the first sign that their child is struggling . But maybe that struggle is okay, and maybe not every kid is going to be good at every subject. Colleges are starting to take measures —albeit small ones—to de-escalate the college admissions arms race, which parents and educators should support (high schools tend to blame colleges, or parents, for why they push kids so hard; parents blame schools, and so on). Like many things in life, intentionality is key. If we want our kids to play and have some freedom, we have to plan how to do it (yes, it has come to that). Facilitating time and space has to be a pre-meditated act, like signing up for soccer, or posting your daughter’s Girl Scout cookie sales target on Facebook. It won’t be easy. But if we believe that our kids’ mental health is at stake, we should certainly give it a try. Tags college , healthcare , depression , anxiety , ADHD

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Adults with ADHD: How I Overcome My Biggest Challenges to Get Things Done

People with ADHD often see themselves as unproductive, or worse, as lazy and incompetent. Getting things done, especially boring, tedious tasks, may feel impossible, and you might feel utterly demoralized.

But it isn’t that you’re ineffective or inept or hopeless.

The problem really resides in not having the right ADHD-friendly strategies, according to Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D, a clinical instructor and psychologist who specializes in working with individuals with ADHD and also has ADHD. He suggested adults with ADHD think of themselves as “producers in progress.”

Challenge: Sinking Motivation

For Olivardia the biggest challenge in getting things done is lack of motivation for tasks that aren’t urgent or exciting. Which is why he creates a sense of urgency with timers. For instance, he doesn’t like mowing the lawn, so he sets a timer for 34 minutes and 32 seconds, and tries to beat that time. “It provides some stimulation to the task.”

He also separates a task into steps that are so small they seem manageable and require little energy. For instance, when Olivardia writes a research paper, he breaks it down into these steps: 1) Outline paper 2) Make sure printer ink and paper are ready, and desk is clean 3) Write bibliography 4) Write introduction 5) Write methods section 6) Write results section 7) Write conclusion 8) Read draft and make any edits.

He might work on each step on a different day—or, if he gets into a good rhythm, he’ll tackle several steps.

And, finally, Olivardia reminds himself that boring or challenging tasks will be just that—boring or challenging—no matter when he does them. “There is no magic way of making them pleasurable, so the ‘right’ time is really now.”

Challenge: Too Much Unscheduled Time

For Bonnie Mincu, a senior certified ADHD coach who was diagnosed with ADHD in her 40s, the biggest challenge is big blocks of unscheduled time. As an entrepreneur, she controls her schedule. “[W]hen there isn’t an appointment or a deadline attached to a task, it’s not as likely to get done,” said Mincu, founder of the coaching practice Thrive with ADD.

What helps Mincu is being intentional about the tasks she’s doing, along with when she’s doing them. Instead of only creating a deadline, she also sets a start time. Instead of writing “work on website,” she identifies which web pages she’s working on, when she’ll work on them and what the results will look like.

Challenge: All Sorts of Distractions

For Dana Rayburn, a senior certified ADHD coach who also has ADHD, the biggest challenge is getting distracted. “Facebook, email, phone calls, text messages, TV shows, books, family and friends. You name it, and I can get distracted,” said Rayburn, who leads private and group ADHD coaching programs.

She developed a 3-step process to deal with distractions: notice, corral, and direct. Naturally, first it’s important to notice that your attention has actually shifted. For instance, while writing her responses to my questions, Rayburn saw an email notification and started completing a survey from her daughter’s school. “It took a minute for me to realize I was distracted from what I intended to do, which was answer the questions.”

Secondly, to control the distractions—so they’re not tempting her—Rayburn shut down her email. In other instances, she’s silenced the sounds on her phone, put her phone on airplane mode and turned off the TV.

What distracts you from getting things done? How can you stop these distractions from shifting your attention?

And, lastly, she redirected her attention back to the task—the questions.

Similar to Olivardia, Rayburn also likes to play “Beat the Clock.” She sets a timer for 20 minutes to see how much she can accomplish before the alarm rings. “Just knowing the timer is going can help me focus.”

Your Productivity Pitfalls

What stops you from being productive?

Not knowing the specific culprit is actually the biggest roadblock in getting things done, Mincu said. She frequently hears people with ADHD say: “For whatever reason, I didn’t do [the task].” However, there’s always a reason, and identifying that specific reason or reasons can help you find the right solution and strategy to overcome the challenge.

For instance, maybe you’re paralyzed because it seems like there are too many things to do. Your solution is to get a planner, and create a schedule, which helps you see that there’s time for everything on your list.

Of course, identifying your productivity pitfalls might not be that straightforward. This is when it can help to work with a coach or therapist, or ask a loved one what they’ve noticed. It’s also important to observe yourself. Every time you try to perform a task, what happens? How do you feel? What thoughts do you have? When you’re able to complete a task, what kind of task is it? What is your environment like? In other words, what seems to be helping you in accomplishing that task?

Getting things done when you have ADHD can be challenging. Because ADHD affects everything from your ability to sustain attention to your ability to prioritize. But, as the above individuals with ADHD illustrate, you can absolutely overcome your obstacles. The key is to identify your personal pitfalls and find ADHD-friendly solutions that work for you.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/07/03/adults-with-adhd-how-i-overcome-my-biggest-challenges-to-get-things-done/