#she did all that but it didn't take her years i can tell you that

[whisperofwonder]

Wife Guy

The wife guys of Haikyuu

(The term does have some negative connotations but I don't mean it like that here. They're just some dudes who really love their wife. Cool? Cool.)

Featuring: Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime, Sakusa Kiyoomi x wife!reader - ~300 words each

(if someone else needs to be here, tell me. I might write it.)

BOKUTO KOUTAROU

Come on. He's the ultimate unironic wife guy.

You, his wife, are the light of his life. He adores you. He doesn't shut up about you. Your friends and family know this, the Jackals definitely know this, even his fans know this because he can't resist posting about you even when the social media managers get on his case. The moment your name or the words "my wife" pass his lips, anyone within earshot knows that it's all over.

He never misses an opportunity to tell you how much he loves you. You need to know that, in his eyes, every little thing about you is perfect. Not only that, but he's a really touchy guy. He loves holding your hand, putting his arm around you, barraging you with kisses, any form of skin to skin contact with you. You and everyone around you have gotten used to the constant PDA over the years. He's just so pure and sweet about it that no one can even say a thing about it.

One of the things he loves about being a professional athlete is that it gives him the means to spoil you. Designer items, the latest tech, lush vacations, whatever it is that catches your eye, he's already got his credit card out. He's not trying to buy your love, he's showering you in his. No matter how often you insist that all you need to be happy is him, he can't resist a little treat every now and then.

The day you agreed to marry him was one of the best days of his life. Every time he takes notice of the ring on his finger, a little jolt of joy goes through him, even after all this time. The mere fact that he gets to spend the rest of his life loving you is simply unmatched.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

There's a reason that Iwaizumi Hajime (27) Athletic Trainer is written as a knight in every single medieval AU. He's chivalrous, hard-working, and utterly devoted to his wife. He might be quieter about it, but his love for you is an undercurrent to everything. From the kiss pressed to your forehead when he gets up to start the day to the moment he pulls you against his chest in bed each night, there are a hundred little moments when he shows just how much you mean to him.

Most obvious to everyone around him is the small smile that comes across his face every single time he talks about you. "Oh, my wife picked it out." "Yeah, she did make this." "I'm taking her to dinner tonight, actually."

You will never walk closest to the street on his watch. Forgot your jacket? No you didn't, he tossed it in the back seat. When you're washing dishes after dinner, he's right there with the towel to dry. Craving ice cream at 10 pm? The corner store is only a few minutes walk for him, no it's no trouble, don't be ridiculous. It all just goes to show that he's constantly thinking of you - what you might need, what you might want, what might make you smile. If it's within his power, why wouldn't he do it for you? It's just inconceivable.

You make his life better. All he wants is to do the same for you. He might never say it out loud, but being married to you is the fairy tale life he hadn't dared to hope for. Spending every day by your side is enough to make him the happiest man in the world.

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

His wife is his person. The world is full of irritants, uncomfortable situations, people who rub him the wrong way. You are the one that soothes it all away. His safe space. Coming home to you every day feels like a weight sliding from his shoulders.

He took to the simple day-to-day of married life so well. Dating was never his scene. Truth be told, you've felt married long before he put a ring on your finger. Everyone says the pair of you are the token old married couple. He might scoff, but to him it's the best kind of compliment.

He takes real pride in the home you share together. It's a sacred place that deserves to be kept neat and clean and comfortable. No matter what kind of day he has, he'll always spend at least a little time making sure everything is running smoothly for you, keeping up with the small things that he knows make your life a little easier.

His favorite moments are the quiet ones you share together. When either of you has had a less than perfect day, it's an unspoken rule that you'll be spending the evening together, curled up in your own little world where nothing else matters. Nothing is more comforting to him than the feel of you in his arms, breathing in your familiar scent. Everything else simply melts away.

Marrying you was the easiest decision he's ever made. There was no alternative. In the course of his life, he knows that he's doing something right, because with you by his side, he knows he can face anything else that may come.

[hwaslayer]

the space between us three (jyh) | five.

⇢series masterlist | series playlist

⇢summary: while juggling the demands of life, yunho continues to do his best to raise his independent 11 yr old daughter, seora. throughout the years, they've built a strong foundation, an unbreakable bond— one that consists of late night talks and food runs, father/daughter dates, and sideline cheerleading at her basketball games. so when you unexpectedly come into their world, things shift. despite the uncertainty and the fear of stepping outside of their comfort zone, yunho and seora eventually learn how to open their hearts and learn how to rebuild a home where three can thrive together.

⇢pairing: single dad!yunho x f. reader

⇢genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, single dad au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

⇢word count: 6.6k

⇢chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, more progress between oc x yunho 🥰, everyone is playing cupid because they feel it in the airrrr lol, a lil tiny, casual family meet and greet, oc talks to yunho a bit about her parents, yunho is absolutely smitten but he's def still struggling with his own feelings and thoughts

yunho: what kind of coffee do you like?

you: that's random. lol but anything sweet? i usually go for coffee with extra cream and sugar. or a vanilla latte!

yunho: gotcha. lol

you: why? what about you?

yunho: i usually just stick to an iced americano.

you: mud water.

yunho: don't say that. ☹️

you: you know we're supposed to be meeting in like 3 mins right? lol

yunho: sorry, gonna be a few mins late? 😅 got a coffee order to take care of!

you: yunho!

You playfully roll your eyes and smile when Yunho doesn't respond on Slack afterwards. It had been a few weeks since you and Yunho began meeting on a weekly basis, all meetings considered productive yet easy-going and laid back. Some had turned to lunch meetings, killing two birds with one stone whenever you or Yunho had to reschedule. You had grown comfortable with Yunho quickly, and to your surprise, Yunho was reciprocating the same energy. You would talk about the most random things in between going through the to-do list of items you needed to check in about. You were slowly getting to know him, and him, you. You couldn't help but feel like your crush on him was growing by minute, though you tried to tell yourself to take it slow and not act too obvious about it since:

One, you didn't wanna look like a fool.

Two, you don't even know if he feels the same.

Three, what if he's not even thinking about dating in general? 

Then, you'd look stupid.

You're not gonna lie, though; a part of you felt like he was also interested in exploring this idea. He was just taking his time, too. Probably checking off the boxes on his own list before saying or doing anything.

The Instagram likes were one thing.

Then, it was reacting to your stories. The likes, the messages. The subtle flirting in between the lines.

Yunho was over here in disbelief because he didn't think he'd be shaking off the dust on his instagram page just to keep up with you. He'd even post a few times on his story just to see if you'd do the same— which, you did.

Had him bothering his own daughter to make sure his posts were up to par.

⇢FLASHBACK

"Ace." Yunho calls for Seora as they sit at a café, indulging in drinks and pastries before getting their day started together.

"Huh?" She says, sipping on her iced peach tea.

"How do you add music to your Instagram story?" He furrows his brows.

"The music note at the top right corner .. ?" She lets out a breath. "Wait, hold on. Hand it over." Yunho cocks a brow up before handing his phone to his daughter. "Why are you posting this?"

"It's a nice picture, isn't it? The sun is hitting the drink and the pastry perfectly."

"It's good, but why don't we get some candids? I can take it."

"What, no—"

"Dad, please. It's impressive, but you need to put a little more umph. You've got a face, like jeez .. put it to use." She raises his phone. "Here, just sit and act natural."

"Seora, you don't have to."

"Sit and act natural!" She repeats. "Act like I'm not taking pictures." Yunho chuckles before shaking his head and acting as naturally as possible while sipping his drink. "Amazing." Seora aggressively clicks away before setting his phone back down. "Hm." She goes through the photos she took. "I'll post the best one and add a song to it, okay?"

"Go for it."

"Just so you know, since you are my dad, it'll be free of charge and you don't have to give me credit." He laughs. 

"Noted." She pauses and squints at him, trying to read her father while resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

"Who are you trying to impress?"

"No one! I can't just post?"

"All of a sudden." She continues to give him a look before resuming her work. "Your Instagram has been sitting in the historical section of the library for years."

"Hey, now. That's an exaggeration. What did I tell you about exaggerating?"

"Yeah huh. You didn't even know how to add music. That's how ancient it is to you." Seora laughs. "Dad, just admit it. It's fine. It won't make me love you any less."

"Are you done?" Yunho cocks his head to the side and playfully squints his eyes at her.

"Actually, yup! Just about." She slides over his phone. "Look at your story. In case you didn't know, you press your profile pic—"

"Ace, I know, okay."

"Sure about that?" She giggles, watching as her dad goes through his story— eyes widening in the process.

"Since when did you get good at taking photos?"

"Since ever, duh."

"Thanks, babygirl. Think you might've saved me there."

"You're welcome. Next time, there might be a service fee. Depending on the day."

"Service fee, huh?"

"Payment accepted are stickers, shopping dates and new Nikes."

"We'll talk."

"Great." Seora smiles just as Yunho ruffles her hair.

⇢END

It's the tiny chase. The pre-chase before the actual chase. Surveying the waters before going out to sea.

Yunho likes that part, and so do you.

You smile a bit to yourself thinking about the tiny moments, typing away and taking care of other items on your list until Yunho's figure appears in the hallway. He's talking to someone across the way, two cups of coffee in his hand. He laughs and bids his farewell before walking into the conference room.

"I'm only 7 minutes late."

"Only?" You snort as he puts your cup of coffee down. "Yunho, you didn't have to." You slightly pout and he smiles.

"Did you have coffee already?"

"No.."

"Then, yeah." Yunho chuckles. "Vanilla latte."

"Thank you." You smile at him before taking a sip. It does hit the spot, and you're not sure if it tastes extra good today because Yunho's the one that brought it. "Hey, is this from the coffee shop on the corner of the hospital wing?" You recognize the name as you've made the trek over a few times if you were truly craving their coffee.

"Mhm."

"They give stickers out with every purchase. Did they give you one?"

"Yeah." He digs into his pocket and slides you a cute cartoon drawing of a capybara holding a cup of coffee. You squeal as you take it into your hands, looking up at him with the cutest look he's ever seen.

"It's different every time! Can I take this off of your hands?"

"Go for it." He chuckles. "Glad you like it. I would've probably tossed it."

"I'll give it a good home." You tuck it into your pencil case.

"I know you will." Cute, is what he's trying to say.

"So, how is your morning so far?"

"Kinda hectic. Seora and I stayed up a little too late watching our show. She got up a few minutes later than usual and she was tired. Woops."

"Yunho." He laughs.

"What? We just get too into it without realizing."

"That's cute."

"Anyway, finally shuffled her out the door, then she realized she forgot a folder she needed for class so we had to turn back and .. yeah." 

"Eventful morning."

"To say the least." He chuckles. "What about you?"

"Hm, it's been pretty quiet on my end. But, it is Monday so I'm anticipating the chaos as the week goes on." 

"I feel that. Did you have a good weekend at least? You looked like you had fun at the vintage pop-up." Yunho types away on his laptop, the never-ending notification sounds of Slack going off.

"I did! Sian and I grabbed a few gems."

"The mirror pic was cute." You giggle.

"Thanks. How was yours?"

"Good. Seora and I did a little staycation downtown."

"Aw. Do you guys always do that?"

"The staycation kinda thing? Not really. But, we always spend time together doing different things. She wanted to hit a couple of spots down there so I figured we could just make a stay out of it. I think we'll camp next."

"That's so cute." You chuckle. "Glad you enjoyed yourself." He smiles.

"Yeah." He's doing that thing again. His eyes linger on you for a second and you aren't really sure how to respond or react. You break first, shifting your attention to the notes on your laptop before clearing the small tension in the air.

"So, how are things going with the team?"

"Good. I think we're ready to schedule a bigger meeting sooner than later to showcase what we've built so far. The majority is finished and they can just let us know what tweaks they want before we finalize and deploy."

"Oh, really? That's amazing, Yunho!"

"Don't thank me, I barely lifted a finger. It was the clinical informatics team."

"Shut up." You laugh. "You helped push it through with your guidance, regardless." You take a few notes. "How about the network and everything in the peds unit?"

"Should be good to go, too."

"Okay. I'll send out a poll later to the wider group to find a good time for us to meet."

"Sounds good, boss lady." You chuckle to yourself as you set your own reminders before meeting his eyes again. "How's everything else going on your end?"

"Hm, good. We're just waiting on a few approvals regarding patient transfers and all these other clinical roadblocks."

"Keeping you busy, I see."

"Kinda, yeah. But, I like it."

"That's all that matters." He gives you a toothless smile. 

"Is there anything else I should include in the meeting agenda for the wider group?"

"I think that's it. It'll be key for them to see the build and watch us play around with it. It'll probably take up most of the meeting."

"Should we aim for an hour?"

"Are you gonna stay for the hour?" You cock a brow up.

"What if I leave?"

"30 mins then." You snort.

"Kidding. I have to, silly."

"1 hour's good then."

"Why does it matter if I'm there or not?"

"I like having you around? You .. have a calming presence. It makes me feel comfortable." You giggle.

"Uh huh." 

"Swear. These people can be ruthless."

"I'm sure. I don't doubt that. I'll be there, I have to be. And you'll all do fine, I'm sure they'll be really pleased about the progress no matter what." You sip on your coffee. "Anything else? Going once, going twice?"

"Mm, yeah. Actually. Not to pivot or anything, but they're having food trucks at the hospital courtyard later for lunch. Wanna come?"

"What time?"

"I think they'll start around 11:30am, but we'll probably head down closer to lunch or a bit after."

"Cool. Let me know when you guys are there? I'll try to drag Noeul with me. I'm sure Sian will be there."

"I'll slack you." You shake your head, immediately feeling bold enough to slack him your number.

"My number. So you don't have to Slack me. I don't always check it." He smiles and calls the number before hanging up.

"That's me." He smirks. "Coulda just asked, you know?"

"You're full of it." He laughs as you both stand, gathering your things to head out of the room. "Guess I'll see you for lunch?"

"Mhm. I'm sticking around on this floor to take care of something else. I'll text you where we're at later." He presses the elevator button for you, watching as you safely get inside.

"Sounds good." He gives you a nod of acknowledgement just as the doors slide and close in on you. 

Lunch comes quicker than you can even grasp, the sudden wave of emails and little, never-ending tasks taking up your morning hours. It isn't until Noeul pops into your space that it triggers you to check the time again.

11:58am.

"Um, what are you doing?" She knits her brows at you, watching as you furiously type away. "I was waiting for you to come, but you never came."

"Sorry, time literally flew by with all this stuff coming up. But, I'm almost done." 

"Okay, let me go pee then. I rushed over thinking you might have left without me."

"What, no?" You laugh just as she scurries off to the bathroom, giving you time to type up the last bits of your email before sending it off and crossing it off on your to-do list. 

yunho: we're out here! coming soon? 

you: mhm, just waiting for noeul!

yunho: we'll stick around the fountain until you ladies come!

you: [likes message]

"Ready?" Noeul has her wallet in hand, a big smile on her face as she approaches your cubicle once more.

"Are you ready?" You chuckle as you stand and push your chair in. 

"Definitely. Starving." She sighs. "So, Yunho invited you, hm? Literally can't get enough of you—"

"Stop it right now. Don't go there." You press the elevator button. "We're just cool. He's chill. It doesn't have to be anything." You give her a look.

"Doesn't have to be anything when he could have just left it at your weekly Monday morning meetings. But, no." She smirks and turns to you as you head inside the elevator. "We got lunch dates and now, food truck dates."

"Okay, you know the lunch meetings were because either of us had to reschedule. And this food truck thing happened on a whim."

"Why are you trying so hard to deny all of it? Girl, it's right in front of your face. The man wants you and I know you do, too." She gently nudges you. "Atta girl." You feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you scroll senselessly on your phone just to distract yourself.

"Anyway." You let out a breath. 

"Uh huh." She giggles. 

"Sian's there. Any idea what you're craving?"

"You know, I've been craving a good pad thai." You nod.

"That's sounds right now, actually. With some vietnamese coffee."

"Hope they have a truck for it." The both of you swiftly exit the elevator and start making your trek down the path to the main hospital. There are a bunch of trucks parked around and near the courtyard area, with expectedly a ton of people in attendance from both hospitals. You spot the fountain in the middle, tippy-toeing to see if you can catch a glimpse of Yunho from where you're at.

"Oh, you're here!" Sian says, already with a to-go container in hand. "Where's your guy at?" Noeul laughs loudly.

"Shut up!" You glare at her. "They're by the fountain." You start heading towards the fountain with the two in tow.

"There's so many trucks, I'm overwhelmed."

"All so good, though!" Sian starts talking about what she bought and the other trucks she managed to pass by. When you finally approach the fountain, you find Yunho, Taehyun, Jihoon and a couple of their other team members hanging around— laughing and joking in their usual fashion. His eyes immediately land on you, and his lips turn upward into a big smile. He waves, Taehyun, Jihoon and the others turning your way to greet you with smiles or their own waves.

"Aw, she's here." Taehyun pokes fun at Yunho. "His ears are turning red." Jihoon laughs.

"Never seen that before. Must be a good thing." Yunho squints his eyes at them before you and the girls finally approach the group.

"Hey!" You greet them, along with Noeul and Sian.

"Glad you made it through the sea of people."

"Yeah, there's definitely a lot of people around." You chuckle.

"Hungry? Wanna go find something to eat?" You nod, letting Yunho lead the way. Before you even realize it, You and Yunho end up walking away from the group unintentionally— everyone splitting ways to grab food of their liking without coming up with a plan to meet somewhere in the middle afterwards.

Unless, this was their plan all along.

You can't even spot any of them in the surrounding crowd.

"Anything you're craving?"

"Me and Noeul were just talking about this." You chuckle. "We've been thinking about good pad thai."

"Mm." Yunho hums. "I think they have a truck over there for it. Line is kinda long though, if you're okay with that."

"It's fine. I have time." You look up at him. "What're you gonna eat?"

"Whatever you're eating?" He laughs. "I'm not gonna leave you alone in this line."

"Yunho. I'll be good, you can go find something you like."

"Nah, it's okay. I'm good with whatever. Besides, their garlic noodles sound good." You giggle.

"Okay then! If you say so." You pout a bit and he lets out a tiny laugh.

"How have the past few hours been?"

"The usual. A few emails did wash in and keep me busy. Had two quick check-in meetings over Zoom, too." He nods. "What about you and the team?"

"Yeah, it got kinda chaotic for a second. Lots of things were breaking at once, but we've got a handle on it. Systems are recovering." He checks his phone to make sure nothing else urgent has popped up.

"You guys are always running around."

"We are. Between both hospitals. Gives me a good workout to be running around like crazy." You laugh. "How's your brother doing, by the way? He seems cool. It was nice to see you guys together that one weekend."

"Cool? Please." You playfully roll your eyes. "But, he's good. Living life as he usually does." You chuckle. "We'll probably be back in the next weekend or so. Be prepared to get sick of us. Or, me. I guess." 

"Nah, never." Yunho laughs. "I'm glad you'll be around more often. I'm sure your parents are happy about it."

⇢FLASHBACK

"Your favorite child is here—" You smack Wonwoo upside the head as you two head in through the gate of your parents' house. You and Wonwoo decided to spend the night as an attempt to genuinely give them more time and be around them. "Ah-ow." He squints and looks at you.

"I don't recall you helping pick out their new couch last week."

"Oh, because the one weekend I'm away and can't come, you automatically think you're the favorite? Get a grip." You roll your eyes and gently push him to the side before entering the house. 

Yunho's car isn't in sight next door.

The both of you greet your parents loudly before going to your old, respective rooms and dropping off your things. Your parents waste no time shuffling you two back out of the house, dragging you along on their usual routine— Costco, other grocery stores and a bit of shopping at the mall. Wonwoo and your father start geeking out over golf clubs, fishing and coffee, while you and your mom are too busy shopping for makeup, bags, perfumes and skincare.

It's nice to see your family like this.

Calm, peaceful and enjoying each other without any side commentary and remarks.

Your family decides to grab a pretty early dinner at the food court— you and your brother opting for some rice bowls, while your mom and dad share some cold noodles. You and Wonwoo start updating your parents about where things are at work, with your mom happily praising Yunho when you mention how often you have to meet with him to push things forward on the IT side. Wonwoo talks a bit about how work has been keeping him busy and how him and the boys are planning more trips in the future. Luckily, your parents don't say much about how you both have been spending your downtime— the two of them too busy fighting over the kind of boba drink they wanna share before leaving the mall.

When you get back, you and Wonwoo clean up and get settled, already feeling hungry again after the small, early dinner you had.

"Hey." You lean against Wonwoo's door frame as he stands from shuffling through his duffle bag.

"Yeah?"

"Kinda want a snack. Ice cream. Something we can take and sit by the pit in the backyard."

"Convenience store trip?" You nod, already dressed in your oversized crewneck and sweats. Wonwoo throws on his hoodie over his shirt, sporting his basketball shorts and slippers. You let your parents know you're trekking down to the store, your dad calling out for you to bring back bottles of soju just as you head out the door.

You let out a breath when the crisp night air touches your skin; breath visible in the cold. As you exit through the gate, you notice Yunho's car is parked now, and you suddenly wonder what he's up to.

"It's a little nostalgic making this walk and sleeping in my room again." Wonwoo cuts in.

"Yeah, I know. I kinda miss those times. When we'd get home from school or head down to the convenience store with our friends before walking deeper into town."

"The simple days."

"Tell me about it." You chuckle, head pointed down as you continue the quiet walk with your brother. The door to the convenience store dings when it swings open, causing you to turn your attention back upwards.

You stop, and Wonwoo knits his brows at you when he sees you've stopped moving forward.

"Oh— Yunho." You pause in your steps when you see Yunho and his daughter come out of the same convenience store. A small smile tugs on the corner of your lips when you get a good look at how much she looks like her dad. She's got height to her, too. Makes sense she's an athlete. She's got dark brown hair, long. Eyes are brown, lashes are long. Her eyes and her nose are exactly her father's. She's dressed in a cute puffer jacket and flare leggings, Ugg slippers. Her dad is in a thick Essentials grey hoodie, jeans and brown Nikes. 

"Y/N, hey." He smiles. "Nice to see you."

"Grabbing ice cream after dinner?" You look at the ice cream in their hands.

"Before, actually." He shyly says before chuckling. "Haven't gotten to making dinner yet, we just got home not too long ago."

"Touché. All good. Can't go wrong with that, sometimes." You laugh a bit before turning to Wonwoo. "This is Wonwoo, my younger brother." 

"Hey." Wonwoo does a curt bow, which Yunho reciprocates. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too. This is my daughter, Seora."

"Hi." She smiles toothlessly as she sways from side to side, hand in a pocket while the other holds her ice cream cone.

"Hi Seora." You look at her with a soft smile while Wonwoo waves.

"They're Auntie Love and Uncle Po's kids."

"Cool. It's nice to finally put a face to it. Your parents talk about you alot. Like a lot! But we never see you around." She says.

"We just get busy, is all. But, you'll be seeing more of us from now on." Seora nods.

"Are you guys picking up some ice cream, too?"

"Yeah, and other snacks. Drinks for my dad." You chuckle.

"We're about to hang out in the backyard with our parents if you wanna join. Sure they wouldn't mind." Wonwoo adds with a shrug.

"Thanks, that's really nice of you guys. Don't wanna intrude, though. You should definitely take this time with your parents." Yunho responds.

"Well, I'm sure one of us will be knocking at your door with food tonight."

"I can look forward to that." Yunho laughs. "Anyway, we'll get going. Thanks again, and enjoy your goodies." His eyes land on you, and you can't help but feel the heat instantly rise to the surface of your cheeks. He doesn't break contact for awhile, which doesn't make it any easier for you. It isn't until Seora and Wonwoo start walking off that he finally breaks and gives you a tiny smile before following his daughter home.

"Aye." Wonwoo says when you reappear next to him again. "He seems nice. Is that the guy you were talking about? Mom and dad's neighbor that you work with?"

"Yeah, we're working together for the new department. It's also the same guy I almost spilled my coffee on."

"Damn. No wonder you were crying about it." He laughs. "I saw you two."

"Saw .. what?" Wonwoo clicks his teeth and gives you a look.

"Just looking at each other. That's what. Don't play dumb." He grabs the soju bottles for your dad and slips it into the basket.

"Oh. Jeez, that wasn't anything."

"Uh huh. Cause I stare people down on a daily basis the same way you two do."

"Wonwoo." You roll your eyes. "We barely know each other."

"And? Doesn't mean you won't, especially having to work so closely with him." He throws some of his favorite snacks into the basket, along with your favorite chips.

"Well, you know what, whatever happens, happens. Either way, I'm good. You know this."

"I feel that."

"Besides, I know Yunho is worried about his daughter more than anything. Wouldn't that be kinda weird to step into their life and disrupt their whole flow?" You head towards the ice cream. "I can imagine mom having a lot of shit to say about it."

"Dude, mom and dad love him and his daughter. He wouldn't have to do a damn thing to impress them." You laugh.

"Wishful thinking." You shake your head. "Anyway, let's not get ahead of ourselves." You look at him with both your favorite ice cream in hand. "Ready?"

"Yup." You and Wonwoo head to the counter, allowing your brother to [happily] pay for the snacks and drinks. He carries the bag in one hand while you both joke around in your usual sibling fashion until you head your mom's voice echoing in the street.

"My kids! They finally make an appearance! You met them, right? Seora, you've met my kids?! They finally took time to see us—" You watch as Yunho and Seora turn towards you, tupperwares already sitting in Yunho's hands.

"Mom, jeez. You're the loudest thing in this street." Your brother teases, making you laugh. "Airing out our business to the whole damn neighborhood."

⇢END

"I guess so. Even then, our parents will still find ways to rub it in our faces." You let out a small breath, pushing upwards as the line moves.

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Call me nosey if you want." You cock a brow up as you meet his eyes again.

"Try me."

"Do you and your parents get along well?"

"I guess so. For the most part. We're just like any other family who fights every now and then. Why do you ask?"

"I— I just heard it in your voice that first Monday meeting we had. It just seemed a little deeper, is all. Wanted to see if you were okay."

"Wow, you remember that far back?"

"Well, to be fair, it wasn't that far back. But, yeah. I don't know. I picked up on the shift." You look down at your feet.

"It's really nothing deep. We just argue like any kids do with their parents. They set a lot of their expectations and wishes on us, even if it's not what me and Wonwoo want right now. Or, I guess to put it plainly, they've been putting a lot of pressure on us."

"Which is?"

"Well, you know. The usual settling down and having a family of our own. We have each other, but they still worry that no one else will help take care of us or support us in the long run."

"I know it can get frustrating, but I'm sure the underlying message is that they just wanna see you both happy and taken care of."

"Right, but we're happy with where we're at. We aren't are rushing, but they keep acting like time is running out."

"Hm." He hums again." I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I think we've gotten used to it, and we're both just trying to remember the more positive side of it like you mentioned."

"They care about you two deeply, that's all it is. Nothing about you two doing anything wrong."

"Yeah. I know." You give him a subtle toothless smile before shifting your attention to the front. You finally get to place your order, with Yunho suddenly jumping in right before you get a chance to whip out your card. He relays his order and taps his card against the reader to pay for both meals, walking away with a shit-eating smirk on his face as you follow him in disbelief. "Yunho!"

"What?" He laughs.

"Why'd you do that! You already got me coffee! Let me send you some money."

"No, I wanted to." You pout.

"Are you sure? I mean, the food was kinda pricey, I wanna send—"

"Y/N." He looks at you. "I promise it's fine. I wanted to, so let me, yeah?"

"Okay. Fine. But, I'll get you next time."

"Sure." You whine a bit to protest. The food is whipped up quick, with you and Yunho only waiting another 5 minutes until it's being handed over in a thick plastic bag. You spot your friends and his team members huddled at a table, waving you over to join them while they eat. You plop down next to Sian and Noeul, who have already started eating— to your surprise, Noeul opted for something different than what she was originally craving. The group is engaging in lively conversation, the boys asking a lot about how the pediatrics unit usually is or picking Noeul's brain with HR cases [sparing any sensitive details]. 

Its nice that you, Sian and Noeul are blending in easily.

Conversation comes easy, even when Yunho is looking at you the way he is from across the table.

In the next 45-mins, both Sian and Noeul run off to a meeting, with a few of Yunho's team members heading back up to tend to service tickets. Taehyun and Jihoon are the last few to bid their farewells before they're leaving you and Yunho alone.

"Let me walk you back."

"You don't have to."

"Y/N, what can I do? I can't pay for you, I can't buy you coffee, I can't walk you. God forbid." You laugh at his teasing and playfully push him aside.

"I just don't want you to do extra work when you'll probably have a shit ton of work to get back to."

"No biggie. I can handle it." You nod. "Did you enjoy your food?"

"Oh my god, yeah. It was so good. How about you?"

"Yeah, it was good. Anything else on your plate for today?"

"We shall see." You look down at the ground. Yunho is literally battling with himself right now, trying to figure out if he should keep asking you to lunch or if he should take the leap and ask if you wanna hang out outside of work hours. You don't break the silence for a good while either; it makes Yunho wonder if you were thinking about similar things, too. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Just kinda spaced out. Maybe the food coma is hitting me." You giggle, stopping at the side entrance of the pediatric hospital.

"Try to take it easy then, okay?" You look up at him and the sun hits you perfectly from where you're standing. You're having to shield your eyes and squint at him, and Yunho thinks it's adorable. He steps to the side to help block the sun rays, making you giggle even more at the use of his tall figure. "I guess I'll see you later?" You smile. "Thank you for walking me, Yunho. I feel kinda bad you have to trek back."

"Ah, can get my steps in." He shifts his weight and rocks back and forth on his feet while looking at you. "Lunch again tomorrow?"

"Sure, yeah."

"I'll text you." He smiles, watching as you nod and wave— shuffling over to the elevator. You give him one last goodbye before the elevator doors swallow you whole, leaving Yunho to his lonely trek back to his headquarters.

Should he have asked?

Would he lose anything by asking?

Is he being too much?

Do you even like him like that? What if it's just your personality to be that kind and sweet?

What if you're like that to everyone and he isn't any—

"Hey." His head turns upwards to see Ara coming out of the hospital. 

"Oh, hey." 

"Coming back from lunch?"

"Yeah." She nods quietly.

"I see you've been hanging out." Yunho furrows his brows at Ara. She nods towards the pediatrics hospital and he follows her gaze before returning his attention to her.

"Oh. We're working together on the new unit and she's the bridge from the pediatric end. We just meet weekly about updates." She nods slowly, silently.

"Over lunch, too?" Yunho tilts his head to the side. "You seem like you get along well with her."

"Yeah." Yunho pauses a bit. "We're chill."

"That was fast."

"Ara." He calls her name with slight disappointment in his tone. One, he's a little appalled she'd jump to conclusions so quickly. But two, most importantly, he understands why she would be frustrated but who was he to force feelings? He simply didn't feel the same way she did and he's genuinely sorry about it. He tried to bring her down gently and he still stands by what he said— he doesn't think he'd be ready to take on a super serious relationship right away if anything were to evolve.

He'd need to take his time and build his trust, his comfort.

And he just couldn't see that with her.

"All good!" She laughs it off. "Glad you're happy." She nods before brushing him off completely. "Anyway, I gotta run to eat before I do my rounds. See you around!" She flies right on by without giving Yunho any more time. He sighs heavily to himself, mumbling a low 'shit' as he turns on his heel.

"What was that about?" Seonghwa has his hands dug into his pockets as he points his lips behind Yunho.

"A whole misunderstanding."

"That, or she's just hurt." Seonghwa chuckles a bit. "Was it the whole lunch thing? Lunches, I guess. Lunches, meetings, coffee dates, whatever." Seonghwa corrects himself.

"Sure, yeah. Guess you could say that."

"She'll be okay."

"Where the hell were you, anyway? I tried texting you but you didn't respond."

"I went to go see Yoori." Yunho slowly nods.

"Ah. Got it." Seonghwa chuckles and shakes his head.

"Then I got caught up with some people in the lobby. How was the food truck event?"

"Good, they actually had some really good trucks posted there today."

"Damn. It's okay. Next time."

"Yeah, I'm sure your time with Yoori was eventful, anyway."

"Fuck off. Y/N came?" It's no secret that Yunho had already mentioned you to Seonghwa and Mingi at this point. Not only because you two were meeting frequently, but because he started to open up to his bestfriends about how comfortable you made him feel and how he had been interested in possibly exploring things further. They know what Yunho is like when he genuinely has feelings for someone and is deeply interested, and this is it. The constant messaging, down to meet up during the work day without question, dusting off the Instagram page to catch each other's attention— it feels like forever since they've seen Yunho gush over someone the way he had been doing with you.

They're glad, though.

They hope this takes off properly.

They hope it all works out well.

"Sure did."

"How was that?"

"Good." Yunho smiles a bit to himself.

"When am I gonna meet her?"

"Well you could've if you weren't so busy tending to your needs." Seonghwa clicks his teeth.

"She looked cute."

"She is cute."

"Okay, maybe you do move on fast." He jokes. 

"Correction." Yunho looks at him. "I put myself out there and gave it a shot with Ara just like all you assholes told me to and it didn't work out. Sorry." He shrugs. "I don't know what you want me to say." Seonghwa laughs.

"I'm just teasing. I know, I know. And that's fair. I can't blame you." There's a small silence before Seonghwa breaks the air again. "Well, it seems like you and Y/N are getting along more and more every day. It's nice to see."

"Yeah, we are. It's nice having her around and working with her on all these things."

"When are you gonna ask her out?"

"That's a good question." Yunho kicks at the ground below his feet before shrugging. "Am I?"

"Yeah? Absolutely."

"I don't know. I'm kinda shy to after the whole Ara thing."

"Well again, to be fair, that was you testing the waters. This is slightly different since you both are genuinely interested in each other."

"I dunno if she is."

"Quit that shit, okay? If she wasn't, she wouldn't be wasting time on your ass." Yunho sighs. 

"I should've asked her while she was with me earlier."

"You can always text her if you can't wait."

"I don't wanna be lame, though."

"You're not! It's all in the beginning stages, you're not gonna have everything down perfectly no matter how hard you try."

"I guess so. I'll think about it tonight."

"Don't lose out on it." Yunho licks his lips, interrupted by the notifications blaring through his phone. He sees a few urgent issues coming up, causing him to rub at the back of his neck before groaning and tucking his phone back into his pocket.

"Anyway, gotta run. Got some shit to take care of. I'll talk to you later."

"Don't text or call me unless you have good news to share."

"Fuck you." Yunho mouths out before doing a light jog towards the old hospital to take care of business with Taehyun.

"I mean it!" Seonghwa says loudly before walking towards the café for more coffee.

As the day goes on, both you and Yunho end up getting swamped with tasks here and there— the both of you leaving work a little later than your end times. You swing by the store to grab a few more groceries needed for dinner, while Yunho gets home and quickly showers to prep dinner for him and Seora. Although you had been busy, you had been wondering what Yunho was up to and vice versa.

Yunho, especially.

He manages to whip up some spaghetti, having a good, hearty conversation with his daughter about how school and practice went today. Yunho listens attentively when she complains about her teacher assigning a report due at the end of the week, listens attentively when she talks about a new play their coach pulled out during practice. He listens attentively to all the little quirks and details of her day, exchanging his own when she asks how work was and if he enjoyed the food trucks that came by.

Even throughout all of that, a part of him is still stuck on you.

You.

Torn and getting pulled in all different directions.

Bedtime comes and .. he still hasn't decided. All this internal back and forth is starting to make Yunho feel frustrated because of Ara, because of Eunha— because he thinks he just can't get past losing someone else, or not finding someone who could be a fit for him, his daughter.

He's scared.

He's scared he'll never get to experience that ever again, and if he does, it'll probably just get taken away from him.

Again.

That's why he hesitates. He's not sure if he has it in him, but at the same time, he knows he has to get past this. He has to try, and he has to stop assuming they'll all end badly in one way or another.

"Fuck." He mumbles to himself as he slightly sits back up, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. 

Should he wait? It's getting late.

He watches the minutes pass him by before he pulls up your number and begins to type away, thinking of some kinda excuse to pull himself outta this shit before it's too late.

But, he can't help it. He wants to text you.

Fuck it.

yunho: hey! sorry for the late text. hope i'm not bothering you.

Your eyes dart to your phone sitting on the edge of the bathroom counter while you continue to massage your night cream into your face, slowing your motions and smiling to yourself when you see who has finally put your number to use outside of work hours. You massage the remaining cream down to your neck before picking up your phone to respond.

you: hey you! you're not a bother. ☺️

yunho: oh, you're awake?!

you: i don't sleep that early! haha.

yunho: idk you said you fall asleep at like 8pm. lol

you: i said sometimes i'm in bed by 8pm but i don't fall asleep until later! i just get lazy and don't wanna do anything at the end of the day. lol

yunho: okay fine, fair enough! i'll let it pass.

you: please, hahaha

yunho: soooo .. this is kinda lame and i should've done it earlier but i was shy about it �� 

yunho: but, by any chance, do you wanna grab dinner and kick it at the end of the week? no pressure or anything.

you: not lame! lol. i'd love to, yunho. ☺️ sounds fun!

yunho: really? 😀 cooooool. let me plan and think of a few things we could do.

you: sounds good w/ me!

yunho: i'll let you get to bed. see you tomorrow? 

you: mhm, mhm! goodnight. 😌

yunho: goodnight y/n, sweet dreams.

You bite onto your bottom lip as you giggle to yourself and grab your lip mask before happily waddling to bed. You let out a squeal against your pillow, instantly texting Sian and Noeul about what just transpired.

The end of the week couldn't come any quicker.

⇢taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @nopension @curse-of-art @thechaotictheoryy @likexaxdaydream @dalsuwaha @enha-stars @yasuraokaa @professormingisglasses @yunyunrin @pommelex @astral-trashcan @laura1399 @domfikeluva @tournesol155 @hwaskookies @yusalterego @hwa-stars @hyukssunflower @chngbnwf @jaytheatiny @lucid-galaxys-world @chaotic-floral @sofkloster @honeyrecommends @hwashua-luv @luvv4bby @spicxbnny @pandyandy71 @sanniesaurus

[tinkerbellknockoff]

explosive | fem!katsuki bakugo x fem!reader

bakugo falls for the other loud person in the class- and she doesn't know how to feel about it

warnings: cursing!

requested by @ci3nna-supr3macy

a/n-- short but i wanted to get it out before i procrastinated and never got to around to doing it. maybe part two of i feel like it LOL

bakugo never was used to someone being as... explosive as her. she was always the one causing chaos in the room, controlling the tides, telling things how they are, and how she wants them to be.

that was until she joined 1A, where she had to learn against what she knew- and boy, she was fucking mad about it.

bakugo was always the greatest in everything that she did. top of her classes in smarts and physical ability - her greatness was never questioned or denied. but holy shit did things change for her.

you were similar. you are passionate - almost as passionate as bakugo. heads turned whenever you entered the room, your eyes always seemed ablaze with confidence, which most people cowered away from.

bakugo noticed you the second she came into the room. her eyes locked onto you as she came in with a few people (bakugo never bothered to learn names), all laughing and being so loud. it pissed her off so fucking bad.

bakugo noticed her attention on you quickly. she got mad at herself - she can't afford any distractions. how can she be the best when she's preoccupied with other things? she can't!

but after that, bakugo realized that she could never look away from you. bakugo didn't know your name, but over the year, every time you entered, bakugo had to look. bakugo knew you always entered at 7:43am every single day. but she wouldn't dare ever actually talk to you... she refused.

it took you a bit to pick up on it. after a few months of school being in session, walking into the class your eyes met piercing red ones. she gained your interest so quick- and very easily you learned she was bakugo. and you thought bakugo was so pretty.

her eyes always seemed to be narrowed- angry- but you never hid from it. her blonde hair was always disheveled, like she attempted to keep it tame, but it reacted to her explosive personality. and, now that you actually cared to acknowledge her, you realized how loud she was.

today was another day of hero training (what they literally went to school for), and aizawa had announced that they were going to be randomized to do rescue training. you didn't mind, you knew you were going to be good at it- so what's the big deal?

you didn't even consider it a big deal with bakugo being partnered with you. mina had leaned over, whispering, "oh poor you," and you shrugged it off. bakugo was hot. was there an issue? not for you at least.

bakugo had seemed to take it personally.

"WHAT? with her?" bakugo's strong voice echoed through the room, her arm stretched, and a finger pointed accusatory at you. your eyes furrowed quickly, your arms crossed in front of you as you look over at bakugo.

"what's the fucking problem?" you hiss back. the hot girl has a problem with you? damn. we'll get them next time, i guess.

bakugo continued with a rain of profanities, but the class had eventually tuned them out as partners went to their designated sections, you and bakugo heading to yours.

bakugo didn't know why she felt so annoyed by being partnered with you. from her knowledge and watchful eye, you seemed to actually be pretty good (not as good as her, though).

the training went one way or another. bakugo was always slight pain in your ass but did comply with your requests and instructions, leading to you two accomplishing the training in a breeze - being one of the first teams done. you walked away, chugging down a water, not paying any attention to bakugo... or the way her eyes seemed to never leave you.

and that's how things kept going for a bit. you walking away, doing literally anything, actually... and bakugo just staring. she never said anything.

"(y/n)," deku's voice echoed through the classroom, you nonchalantly scrolling through your phone, but eyes lifted the second he called your name.

"what do you want?" you echoed back, your voice having a tint of agitation to it, but deku didn't mind. bakugo did, though. his eyes were locked onto the two of you throughout your entire interaction, not even paying any mind to what you two were actually saying- how dare he be talking to you?

that should be her.

and so, bakugo made it a note to herself that she was going to talk to you. she was gonna do it! she was going to talk to you and you were going to like it!

it took her a couple of days, but inevitably she did it.

bakugo stomped up to your desk while you were scrolling, causing you to shift your eyes up to look at her. you both were dead silent for a few seconds before you broke it,

"fuck do you want?"

that pissed her off. but she didn't have it in her to be mad.

"when do you train?" bakugo huffed out, irritation lacing her voice, both of their eyes locked.

"um..." you roll your eyes at the question, huffing, "every morning around 6. got a problem?"

"i'm joining you."

"no you're fucking not?"

"you don't have a damn choice! just- shut up and take my number."

oh, score. you were happy about that but you weren't going to let her know that. after some back and forth, you handed over your phone which bakugo snatched angrily, typed her phone in aggressively, and slammed it back onto your desk.

she left aggressively, and you mildly stunned by the extremely brash behavior when she was the one that initiated it (and gave you no choice in the matter). but bakugo... bakugo never felt happier in her life as she left the classroom, her mind only focused on one thing:

getting to be around you.

[lambilegs]

THE TENDER SANCTUARY BETWEEN MONSTER AND HUMAN

contains: vampire!lee, 18.5K words, cursing, graphic descriptions of blood and violence, detailed killing of animals for vampire feeding needs, lots of self-shame and existentialism about being a vampire on lee's end, lee drinking blood from reader (becomes quite sexual in nature), sexual content (so minors dni!!) (+ specifically, making out and dry humping), mentions of shooting + gun usage, injuries (+ a bullet wound described in great detail), internalized shame about kink, religious trauma, reader's genitals are spoken of but aren't referred to w/ any direct terminology

inspired by the following asks: ask #1, ask #2, ask #3, ask #4 (thank you SO much to you guys, you're the ones who really planted the seeds of this story and gave me the ideas + inspo for it mwah mwah)

soundtrack: night shift by lucy dacus, 505 by arctic monkeys, apocalypse by cigarettes after sex, k. by cigarettes after sex, romance in f minor, op. 5 by tchaikovsky, swan lake act 1, no. 5, pas de deux: ii. andante by tchaikovsky, romeo & juliet, balcony scene by tchaikovsky

divider by: @faeberrywine

taglist: @2jewelz, @sillysillyparty, @jinxvex

lee is never going to trust carter's judgement ever again. that's the first thought she has when she's suddenly yanked back into reality, into the throes of life, when she was certain that she was on the edge of death just moments ago.

she had warned him that something seemed off about this case, something bent from reality. but, just like always, he refused to believe her, claiming she was just being paranoid and there were no supernatural ongoings. but, lee felt it. the history of the family they were investigating was seeped with mystery and unexplainable occurrences. people who looked the exact same for years upon years, a tendency to only be witnessed publicly at night, an intense beauty. 

she had known something was off, and now, because of her superior's stubbornness, here she is: convulsing and writhing, tears leaking from her eyes as the daughter of the family, a woman who looked close to her age, but whom she lee suspected of being alive for two hundred and twenty three years, presses a fresh cut on her palm to lee's gun wound, intermingling their blood together. she feels the effects immediately, her body surging with an energy that soaks into her veins and drenches her nerves.

carter witnesses it all from where he was shooting the mother of the family, but to no avail. all she does is cackle, watching him with a wicked gleam in her eye. she makes no move to chase him, or attack him, which is only more unnerving. it implies that even if he gave chase, and had the advantage of her lingering at the back, she's certain she'd still win. carter seems to realize this, for his eyes are wide, desperately flicking to lee. it seems like he finally understands. 

but, it's too late. lee can feel the tight ball of anxiety wedging into her stomach as a new feeling wraps around her body, making her feel lighter and easier to move, as though her limbs no longer weigh anything, as though her bones are made of plastic. it's terrifying, and she finds herself paralyzed to the floor, overwhelmed by the flow of power beginning to push through her body.

"I didn't think you deserved to die," the woman by her side whispers, pressing a kiss to lee's cheek before slinking back to her mother.

the two women let carter and lee go, taking advantage of the vulnerable position the latter is in. lee knows that in their mercy, they're silently telling them to keep to themselves about this and that they won't be so lucky if they pursue this case again. lee hates to leave a case, especially one right at her fingertips, unresolved. but, she knows in her weakening state, body flooded by all the new sensations and unable to cope, along with the abilities both women possess, her and carter will never reasonably be able to arrest them. and even if they did, what would happen then? they'd spend an eternity in prison?

there are too many questions, and lee's mind is a bit too numb to answer all of them. and so, despite her internal protests, she lets carter wind his arm around her waist and help her stumble out of the home. it looks like any other suburban house. if only people knew.

carter insists on keeping her at his family home in the guest room, and lee knows it's not just care for a partner that's driving him, but an acute sense of guilt too. she could detect it in the shaky way he tried to explain what happened to his wife upon the two of them tripping past the threshold, bloodied and bruised.

lee doesn't exactly like it. she's appreciative, sure, but she'd prefer time away from carter after what happened. time by herself, where she can research as to what happened and if it'll result in what she fears most. she felt a change, some change, in her body, that's for certain, but a part of her weighs heavy with the desperate, bottomless hope that it's not what she thinks it is. 

she wants to deal with all of that alone. but, carter is still her boss, so she lets him bring her soup everyday, and she comes down for family dinner with him, anna and ruby. and in the evenings, she talks to ruby about the child's day. if it were under any circumstances, these conditions might be tolerable, nice even. lee doesn't exactly enjoy the constant stimulation of being around people, but here, the carters give her space due to what she's been through (not that anna even knows the whole story). so, it's not too bad. the first day, it's actually surprising to her. it's been years since she's actually had a taste of a family dinner with so much laughter and affection. not since she was a child before her ninth birthday.

on the third day, though, all of her neutrality towards the situation shatters. she wakes up with a ravenous hunger, her stomach wretched with a deep, grumbling pain from how badly she needs it. the back of her mind whispers what it is -- the answer is right there, but lee's always been good at compartmentalizing, and she practically drains that ability of its use through her denial of what she's become. 

that is, until anna comes in with her kind smiles and soft eyes, and lee nearly lunges at her. her mind is screaming for her to sink her teeth into anna's neck, grip her body and let it go pliant as she drinks and drinks. her hands are itching with it, her stomach is rumbling in desire for it, and by the time anna leaves the room, lee nearly throws up at how hard she had kept her body stiff in order to control the urge. 

she leaves that night. carter presses that she doesn't, but all it takes is for lee to say, "carter, I'm becoming what they are. it's not safe."

the firmness of her tone, or more likely, the underlying threat to his family that hides within the words, is what finally has his lips pursing. after some moments of contemplation, he nods and drives her back to her cottage.

the entire ride is torturous, and lee, very unlike herself, slams the door without a goodbye and runs into her home. 

at nighttime, it worsens. exponentially. her gums ache and bleed, and a choked sob bursts from her mouth at the sight of fangs protruding from her teeth. her nose starts capturing everything. every musky leaf amongst the trees surrounding her, every mineral and rock, every animal--

her head whips up when it's near. the blood. 

she makes her first kill that night. a rabbit, a poor creature who froze upon seeing lee leave her door. but, the hunger was too much, too consuming, lacing her body in ropes of it and tugging, too tight. on her porch, her hands rolled into fists, nails digging into her palms, her stomach sunk with guilt and horror for the urges pulsing through her. and she tried, so hard, to go back in. she almost made it, one step in. 

but, then it moves, and lee catches a whiff of the scent again. her legs move faster than she can process, and seconds later, her teeth are sinking into its small, innocent body.

that night, she can't even sleep, mind whirring with memories of what happened. the way the animal's eyes widened, flashing in the darkness, before she gripped it so brutally, biting into it. it barely even resisted, just squirming before accepting its death to lee's mouth. 

the reminder of it makes her sob into her pillow, her chest aching with the weight of what she’s done, the sin she’s committed. what's worst is the fact that her stomach no longer growls and tempts her -- it's satisfied. she's satisfied. 

she knows what she is now. logically, there's no denying it. these urges, these primitive wants -- they've never existed within her until that woman pressed their wounds together, sending their bloodstreams intermingling. she's a vampire. or if not one yet, she's becoming it. 

lee, for days, ignores the revelation, an irrational part of her hoping this is all a nightmare she'll shudder to a brutal awakening from. or that maybe these symptoms are temporary. but, the more she compulsively researches her conditions, sneaks into libraries at night to dive into literature about it (because, yes, the morning after her first kill, she found herself writhing in pain, her skin stinging from all the open windows), and observes her own behaviours, she can't ignore it. this is a part of her now, if not who she entirely is. a horrible, disgusting part she tries to ignore, she tries to shove aside as much as she can.

for months, she isolates herself, sunk into a complete abyss of melancholy and devastation over what's happened to her. she doesn't know what she'll do, how she'll cope with all of this. some days, she throws herself into books and readings, filling her mind with all the information so that she does not have to linger on the more tender, emotional and difficult parts of the situation -- a tendency she approached almost everything in life with. but, other days, when a new facet of her condition rears its ugly head, like the thought of will I outlive mom? after one of their daily phone calls, or will I watch all these people die? when carter talks to her on the phone about their coworkers, she forgoes the rationality and pretense. she cries, screams, tears at branches of trees, disgusted with what she's become and hating herself, carter, and the entire family they investigated, for that horrific day.

she even resorts to praying and reading the bible again. it only lasts a month, for that’s how long it takes for her to reconcile with the fact that she can’t convince herself of the religion even if she’s desperate to do so for the sake of an answer. but, for a while before that, she truly wonders if what she is is linked to the devil – if her mother’s warnings and skeptical tones of evil did indeed have some place in reality. for if vampires exist, maybe all of it does. and so, she prays to the god she gave up on years ago, pleading and begging for something to change. she goes back to wearing her cross, and sleeping with her bible. an irrational part of her, a part desperate to do anything to go back to how things were, even if it means sacrificing her true beliefs, hisses that maybe all this has occurred because she gave up on her faith. maybe all of this is punishment and she needs to earn forgiveness to be released from this horrific state.

but, just as before, when she was a teenager teetering on the edge of disbelief, god doesn’t answer her. and it doesn’t take long for her to lose her hope in him again.

she continues feeding. she soon learns that she needs to do it every three days, lest her body become a rotted vessel for broken reservations and pure instinct. and so, she shamefully lurks in the woods on those days, kills an animal, and uses it to satisfy herself. she whispers an apology to the animal each time. she hopes the practice will help her retain some sense of humanity, a bit more of control.

in a matter of months, she's back to her life before the incident. well, not entirely so, but enough to keep her satisfied. she no longer visits the bureau unless it's at nighttime, and in the daytime, she works on cases from the shadows of her home, only dimly lit by lamps. her and carter spend many long hours reviewing cases and witnesses together at bars or his home, and they only explore places in relation to a case after nightfall. all of this is something lee grasps onto desperately – the normalcy of work, as well as having something less existentialist to devote her attention and skills to, is akin to a cool sip of water on a hot, suffocating day.

what surprises her most is how much she misses the pump of people, of life. she's never enjoyed being in crowds, and has always preferred her solitude, only talking to people when it's necessary of her or when it'd be disrespectful not to. but, having the choice removed from her, being left with no option other than visiting the bureau when the amount of people there is cut by half, being so much more restricted in her interactions from all the late-night grocery runs and unoccupied spaces she visits, feels off. after a while, she actually misses the buzz of people around her, of having faces and bodies to observe. she hated being subjected to conversation, yes, but it was always somewhat comforting to have the option of doing so, especially in the rare moments of longing for something more than herself. maybe a companion.

carter urges her on the one night she confesses to missing going places less isolated, smacking her back and telling her she's young (a sentiment that makes a small part of her stab with hurt, knowing she most likely won't be aging now), and ought to go out and enjoy some night life. when lee asks what constitutes as night life, already having a tentative, and frankly, unappealing, idea of it in mind, carter does nothing to ease her suspicions by saying, "you know, bars, clubs."

which is how lee finds herself exiting a club later that night after a mere half an hour inside, her mouth twisted in disgust over how pungent it smelled in there. she rubs her neck, eyes observing down the rest of the street, trying to capture any sign of life within the other shops. she shortly gives up, walking to a creaking table and chair outside a convenience store still lit up, sitting there and pulling out a book from her backpack.

despite everything, the moment gives her some relief. the quiet of the night, not completely removed from humanity with the hoots and howls coming from drunk inhabitants of the club, the low thrum of music pounding from the building, and the murmurs of conversation from people still lingering upon the pavement, up for whatever reason. if lee listens closely enough, she can capture the content of distanced conversations, but she refrains from doing so for privacy's sake.

"hey."

her eyes snap up, widening at the sight of you. whoever you are, lee's sure the two of you have never met, and her eyes flick away hesitantly before returning your greeting. "hi."

"are you here alone?"

her eye twitches at the question, suspicions immediately swimming in her mind. "yes."

you sit yourself opposite to her, and lee tenses up. she's not sure who you are, and she knows better than to trust a random stranger making conversation with her. she watches you, awaiting some sort of explanation. 

"I just came from the club," you explain, thumb jutting in the direction of it. "it was kind of overwhelming, I needed some air."

"okay.” it’s a sensible explanation. but, it doesn’t account for why needing some air includes sitting with a stranger. “why talk to me, though?"

you flinch, but lee doesn’t apologize. it's a valid question for her to ask, considering you're strangers. and it's not rude, it's simply honest. but, still, the twist of your mouth has her feeling a twinge of regret for how bluntly she worded it. she always struggles with that.

"well, I don't know, you seemed kind of alone out here, and I just thought you might like some company." your gaze drifts from her, head ducking down momentarily before lifting back to her. "did you?"

"not really." lee places her book on the table. at this point in the night, after the torture she endured in the club, she had been happy to resign from anymore efforts to talk to people. but, your company isn't entirely unwelcome. you seem nice, she supposes. "but, it's fine. you can stay."

"no, no, I can go. seriously, it's okay."

lee shakes her head. "I wouldn't offer it unless I was okay with it. really, it's fine."

you shift, shoulders rolling. "you sure?"

"mhm."

you nod, and turn your head to the expanse of the street stretching beyond you two. lee takes the moment to observe your features. you're clearly dressed up for the night, but under your eyes are dark circles, and your mouth seems dry, lips cracking. it's apparent you need some rest. 

you lick your lips, and she looks away from the peak of the pink muscle.

after a quiet moment lingers between you both, you say, "it's a pretty night, isn't it?"

lee's eyes raise to the star-studded sky. "it's peaceful."

"do you prefer the night or morning?"

lee blinks at the unexpected question. "um, night. I'm more productive then." in a way, the transformation actually aligns with the schedule she held prior to it, for she's always stayed up late into the night to do her work. "you?"

"does afternoon count?" you ask, the corner of your lip quirking up. 

"it was your question, not mine."

"mm, true. what do you like about nighttime?"

"it's quiet. easier to unwind and hear my own thoughts."

you nod slowly. "why, what kind of stuff is on your mind that you need quiet for?"

lee's stomach squeezes in discomfort from the question. it's a bit too personal for her liking, but she tries to answer it, vaguely tip-toeing around reality. "I don't know. there's been a big change in my life. so, I guess dealing with that." she pauses right after, wondering if a lie would’ve been safer.

"I see, that sounds rough. I hope you get to figure it out soon."

lee nods, appreciative of your lack of prying. she picks at the corner of her book. "why do you like afternoon?"

"the sun is out, it makes everything bright -- and, you know, it's a period of time in the day where there's still, like, hope."

that catches lee's attention. "hope?"

"hope to be more productive, to do more in the day. to still, you know, take any chances and seize at something you wanted to do that day."

she swallows, a bit intimidated by how open you've become to her. you two barely know each other, and yet your words have taken on a note that feels so private, so exposing to your thought process. 

"that, um, sounds like a good outlook to have. good for productivity."

"I mean, not just productivity. good for any life choices made, really."

lee's mouth twitches. "so, all important life choices should be reserved for the afternoon?"

"yes, of course," you say with a smile. "not too tired, then."

she hums, eyes resting on the table. 

"so, what brings you out at this time?"

"my boss."

your eyes flicker about. "I thought you said you came alone?"

"he's the one that suggested I try coming out and socializing."

you raise an eyebrow at her, your mouth stretching into a grin. "and how's that going?"

she feels a bit self-conscious under your knowing gaze. you both are aware it's not going anywhere. but, she'd rather dismiss that fact than admit it out loud. "you're here."

"I am, aren't I? see, you're pretty lucky -- now, you can tell him you did make a friend."

"friend?" she asks, fingers tapping on her book. "that wouldn't be accurate. I don't even know your name."

"wow," you chuckle, and lee would probably blush at it if not for her bodily conditions. "smooth. was that your way of trying to subtly ask?"

lee nearly laughs. if only she were that cognizant about the ins and outs of conversation. "no, it wasn't." after a beat, she swallows, curiosity beginning to swarm in her. "but, you can tell me it nonetheless."

"if I tell you mine, will you tell me yours?"

her eyebrows furrow. "sure. why wouldn't I?"

"well, you know, mysterious woman, out at night, all by herself."

"except you know why I'm out," she points out flatly. "regarding names and basic information, my name is lee and I'm a special agent."

"special agent?" you shoot back, eyebrows zapping up. "wow, and the mysteries only persist."

lee's lips crack into a smile -- she can't help it. her life isn't exciting enough for her to be considered mysterious. and if it is, it's only because of what she is now. before that, everything in her life was designated into orderly, neat categories. work, home, work, home. that was her life. there was the occasional visit to her mother's, which she supposes was one complicated part of her life. but, it was a part she often avoided and didn't touch. honestly, most complicated aspects of her life received such treatment. both due to a lack of time with how immersed she was in work, as well as an absence of courage.

"it's not that mysterious." she shrugs, drawing her nail along the edges of her book, gaze following the path it makes. 

"yeah, but you seem pretty private."

"'private' and 'mysterious' aren't the same. one is about secrecy, another is about simply wanting things to yourself."

"but, why would you want things to yourself?" you ask, perching your cheek on your open palm, leaning in.

lee clears her throat, shifting in discomfort from the proximity. "what do you mean?"

"it can help so much to share with people."

lee's face twitches. "I think we can disagree on that." not that she would know, really. when she was a child, she barely spoke at all, and her mother was the only one she leaned on in that way. as she grew up, and became more surrounded by peers and co-workers, she was no longer forced to spending most of her days with her mother. but, the privacy stayed, and the isolated feelings made a home in her. she had no desire to burden others with her pain, nor undergo the humiliation of baring herself naked in all of her secrets and dark thoughts. she'd prefer to handle it in her own solitude, where no one can judge her and where she doesn't have to grapple with the weight of unloading things she can barely handle thinking about, let alone giving permission to transform into words.

"and why's that? or would telling me also count as sharing?"

lee's eyes narrow on you, feeling a spark of defensiveness spring to life in her stomach. "I don't because... I don't--" shit, you were right. even admitting the reason why she doesn't share things that are vulnerable is a vulnerable act of sharing in and of itself. "I don't feel comfortable with it."

"why, because you're scared people will judge or something?"

she blinks at you, sighing. she's already kicked the door down. might as well humour you for a bit more. she doesn't expect you two will see each other again, anyways. "amongst other things." at your prodding eyes, she gulps. "well, it's hard for me -- to, you know, communicate sometimes. the topic being one that's serious makes it feel all the more difficult."

"yeah, but if it makes you feel better, it's hard to a degree for everyone, you know? and anyone who cares for you would be patient when listening to you. plus, the comfort you'd receive -- well, it'd make the temporary discomfort worthwhile, you know?"

lee fidgets, her stomach tight with tension at the gentleness your tone takes on. it's smooth and soft, like sand that's been coated by the ocean, so fragile that it just slips through a person's fingers. she'd maybe appreciate it more if it weren't for the embarrassment at feeling so cornered. "why does it matter to you?" she asks, her tone more timid than she wishes it was. "I'm just a stranger to you."

"still a person."

just barely. if only you knew the kind of temptations that raged within her, the violent impulses she needed to lean on in order to survive. she's certain your sympathy wouldn't be so present if so. 

"but, a stranger."

you roll your eyes, and lee might've felt insecure if not for the way your lips still curl up. you don't seem irritated with her, so at least there's that. "my point is that even if you don't share with me, you can still do it with someone else, you know? just take the chance, it'll feel good with the right person."

her lips purse. you seem insistent, but still, she's not entirely convinced that the pros outweigh any potentially harmful repercussions. but, you certainly seem sure of it. and what reason do you have to lie to her? unless you were the kind of person to go around, deceiving strangers. with lee's line of work, she can't say she'd be surprised if you are. 

"I'll think about it."

your face beams as you laugh, and lee feels ambushed by the lifted cheeks glowing from the moonlight, the teeth that flash in the darkness, the lips that crack at the center from the cold. she licks her own, suddenly hyperaware of the direction her thoughts have gone in. she tries to will them back to your words -- which, despite their openness, contain a safer, more comfortable territory than attraction. 

"I suppose that's the best I'll get out of you for tonight?"

"yeah, pretty much."

"then, we'll just have to work harder next time, huh?"

lee's eyes tentatively raise to you, uncertain of what you mean. "next time?"

"yeah." you pluck out a notebook and pen from your bag, and rip a corner off her page (much to lee's alarm) before scrawling something on it. "this is my number and name. why don't we, um, hang out again?"

lee's body jerks a bit in surprise. the last thing she expected was that. she knows she's far from entertaining, or even pleasant, when it comes to conversation. any interaction with a stranger is something she anticipates to be short-lived and reserved to one day only. "uh, why?"

"why?" your lips pinch down.

lee's caught off guard, again, at the onslaught of panic that slams into her at your expression. she tries to pick out her words carefully before clarifying, "I just mean, you were kind of doing the leg work in this conversation."

"yeah, and you entertained it, and didn't shy away." you shrug, and lee's relieved to see the frown melting away. "that's good enough for me."

lee would like to be considered a bit more than good enough, and to be subjected to those words sting, but she supposes it's a natural result of her own reservations. besides, it's surely not the worst thing someone has said about her conversational skills before.

she lifts her hand up to take the paper from your hand, eyes immediately catching the way yours trembles. her eyes flick between the digits and your face. you hadn't seemed nervous, but maybe you were just talented at hiding it. or maybe lee was just unable to detect it. the thought is rather humanizing, and it makes lee ache with the sudden guilt that she hadn’t been more forthcoming.

you stand from your seat, glancing warily at the night club, which continues to pulse with life compared to the deadly stillness of the rest of the street. "so, call me. I should be free, like, saturday morning if you're cool to hang out."

surprisingly, lee is. you didn't overwhelm her, despite the insistent questions, and your perspective was enough to pique her interest. something in her is craving to know more -- a rare sensation on her end, unless it's applied to an investigation. "sure. but, let's meet at night." she licks her lips, trying to keep her voice steady and deprived of any trembles of hesitation. she can't lie for the life of her. "I, um, work a lot during the day, so, yeah." and she's surely not about to invite you into her home during a mere second meeting.

"ah, running on the nocturnal schedule, I see."

lee nearly laughs. you don't even know the half of it.

and so, begins the routine you two weave together through: nightly meetings, talks until the earliest hours of the morning, then an abrupt quiet thrusted upon lee when you depart. you two usually walk through parks, frequent gas stations and convenience stores, and on some occasions, lee picks you up and you two drive around for hours, stopping to walk through the measly, dead grass of fields on the outskirts of town, or to visit abandoned stables and houses. 

for two or three nights a week, lee lets herself forget everything, falling into whatever adventure you drag her into, and becomes surrounded by nothing but the stars, the chirps of the crickets and your laughter at the things she says, even when lee's convinced it isn't funny at all. 

but, she likes your smile, so she’s glad that you laugh. and with time, and more evenings spent with no one to focus or gaze upon but you, she comes to like many things about you.

despite that, it takes weeks before she shares something secretive with you. she doesn't know what coaxes it out. if it's the stress of the case her and carter have been working on, the nervousness derived from wandering along the creaking floorboards of the half-destroyed home, or your eyes, which are so wide, so curious, almost begging for her to give you something. and lee can't find it in her to refuse you. that's what she learned three weeks into your company. she can evade, she can gently deny -- but, if you want something bad enough, there's little chance she has it in her to shut you down.

"my mom collects trinkets like these," she muses to you, fingers brushing against the dusty head of an angel. "even I used to have some in my bedroom."

"does she still?"

lee tenses, rubbing the dust off her fingers -- the only motion her body makes, grounding in its repetition. "yes. but, well... she collects lots of things. she hoards."

"oh." your voice goes soft, faintly echoing in the empty room. "why?"

"I think to have a sense of control after she dealt with some difficult things." she hesitates, a pierce of guilt stabbing in her as she voices out her next thought. it takes her a minute or so to select the words she wants to express herself with. she could only hope her face doesn't come off as so neutral that you think her heartless. she signs in frustration -- this is why it's so hard to open up. "I dislike visiting home because of it. but, I know I should, especially because..." she might die, and I'll be left to mourn her for decades upon decades. "because, you know, anything can happen."

"I'm sorry, lee." you're far, but she can hear your voice, crystal clear. "that must be hard. but, it's okay to step away from it sometimes, you know? better than forcing yourself and getting resentful, you know? the fact that you're already visiting her is admirable."

lee's ears pick up on your approaching step, as well as the way your jacket makes a scratching noise when you lift your arm, then lower it back down in hesitation. after a moment, you reach up again, and lee tenses as you rub her back through the blazer she had on from work. your palm is so, so warm, even through the fabric. lee can't even remember the last time she felt such warmth, her own body more of a freezing corpse above anything else. 

"thanks." she wishes she could be stronger, and visit her mom more. avoid the cowardly decision of staying away just so she doesn't have to face the ruins of their home, and the longing face of her mother. but, your words ease the shame some. it makes her feel like perhaps she isn't too terrible of a daughter after all.

maybe your words from that first night had some merit.

"you're welcome."

lee gulps at how low your voice sounds, quiet and laced with velvet in the silence of this night. she breathes in shakily, before forcing her gaze to lift to yours. your eyes are latched onto her, tracing every inch of her face, and lee feels her skin itch from the focus of it, almost as though your gaze is your finger, dancing along her features and connecting your skin to hers. or as though it's your tongue.

lee clenches her jaw at the thought, unwanted thoughts now flooding her mind of your tongue stroking her cheek as you press wet, slippery kisses down her neck. 

"why are you staring at me?" she forces out, just for the sake of breaking this tension between the two of you. she doesn't know how to handle something that weighs so much despite being intangible. and even if she did, she wouldn't want to subject you to any pursuit of her. no matter how much she dislikes thinking of it, she will outlive you. you'll age, continue to grow, and she'll be stuck here, just as she is. in a matter of years, she'll probably have to leave oregon in order to avoid arousing suspicions over her unaltered appearance. she suspects she'll need to do so every ten or twenty years. and you don't deserve that. a life so utterly detached from normalcy, comfort and the intimate closeness of moving through the years together.

"I just..." you trail off, your hand sliding down her back. lee nearly sags in relief before she stiffens right back up upon your fingers tenderly cradling her wrist.

"you just?"

"I want to, um..."

lee's body thrums under your touch. it's interesting -- her body is drained of life, nothing but a cold, walking stitch of limbs. but, still, your eyes resting upon her is enough to make her feel revived to life, pumped with energy and heat that makes her feel alive. almost as though she's right back at the moment at having been turned, except this time, she's brought back to the depths, the humiliation, and the fleetingness of humanity and impassioned moments that will die in a mere second, that one could choose to seize, lest they face death without having ever really lived with bravery.

but, she doesn't have the luxury of death being a source of encouragement. 

tugging her wrist from your grasp, she mutters, "let's get going," walking through the door, and heading back outside to her car.

something in her aches when she hears you sniffle from inside the house, but she tries to ignore it. you deserve at least a moment to yourself after what she's done.

she can sense your embarrassment and anger during the next week. you handle her less delicately than usual, and even though she didn't think she needed the special treatment in the first place, to lose it after weeks of being on the receiving end makes her feel a bit emptier. 

she's not sure if you're upset that she dismissed your attempt to -- well, touch her, whatever it was, or if it's because she did it so cruelly and without any later mentions of it. she supposes she could've been gentler. at least give you an explanation as to why she didn't want you doing what you did. but, what would she even say? that she doesn't want it, too? that would be a complete lie. there's a smouldering desire that's been burning these past few weeks, flaming to life when you touch her or get close. to deny all of that, and lie straight to your face, makes her feel wrenched with anxiety. 

but, maybe a lie is permissible in this situation. maybe it's not so immoral when it's to avoid hurting you or allowing you to be tied down to an unknown monster for life. and even if she was known to you, exposed for what she is, she still wouldn't want you to suffer through a life with her.

though, it's hard to convince herself of doing the right thing when she's in your bedroom, watching you recall the date you went on as you undress behind a screen. lee fidgets, a burning jealousy scraping at her stomach, fused with discomfort. when the shadow of your figure lowers the straps of your top behind the screen, she can't help but bite down on her lip, her self-control slowly waning with every new glimpse you give her into the map of your body. lee feels like you're unlocking a new secret to her attention with every new spot revealed, it only causes her thoughts to stray to one specific to her interests. would it be coated in wetness? would it be swollen and thick and weeping for some attention?

she nearly releases a small groan at the mere mental image. she's not sure if the vampirism has stirred her desires to a stronger degree. after all, she did always have wants, fantasies and ideas she played into when between her sheets at night, worn out from a long day at the bureau. but, beyond those private moments, she often did a good job at forcing that lust dormant, pushing it to exist in a deep, hidden nook in her mind that was guarded by shame and hesitation from just how depraved her mental wanderings were. in other words, she was good at reserving those kinds of musings for when she was alone, even if there was someone she was attracted to close by. but, now, all it took was a flash of skin, and her mind was whirring with thoughts of bending you over the bed she's seated on, and ravishing you, over and over, until you're so pliant and drained that any dates are the last thing on your mind. 

when you bend over, and her eyes stray to the shape of your ass then flick away immediately, she sucks in a shuddering breath. she can't do this. even if she knows she can't, and wouldn't, act on those desires, there's no need to sit here and undergo this torturous form of voyeurism. especially paired with the frustration that swarms inside when you tell her how the girl you went out with opened every door for you. she can do that too, don’t you know that?

"listen, I'm, um, glad it went well, but maybe you’re tired, so I think I'll just--"

"but we said we'd hang out," you whine, poking your head from the screen.

lee grits her teeth together. she can't tell if you're doing this innocently, or with the intention of riling her up. her romantic experience is both too limited and too lacking in an understanding of social cues to know. frankly, though, as much as she's entertained your petty words and pitiful looks this week, she's not interested in having to go through the frustrating ordeal of this. "yes, under the impression we'd actually be doing something. not just me watching you relay a date."

"I just wanted your opinion on how it went!"

"is that really all there is to it?" lee snaps back, her voice steady and hard. she's not interested in the petty little games. at least her dishonesty and avoidance is rooted in actual care for you. yours is simply spite. "or are you upset because of what happened last week?"

your eyes widen, lips flapping like a fish. she has her answer.

she sighs at your spluttering. "well?"

"no!"

lee feels her eye twitch. from here, she could hear how hard your heart is thumping. you're nervous, and she's tired. might as well call it a night.

when she moves to leave, you slip out from behind the screen, grabbing onto her arm and tugging hard. but, lee has always been strong, and the changes in her body have only emphasized that even more. she stands there, completely unamused as you try pulling her forward, trying hard not to let her eyes stray down to the trimmings of your bra that are revealed from your shirt’s straps hanging off.

"jesus, you're like a rock."

she hums, simply watching you for a few moments before saying, "can I leave now? is the yanking all you had intended to do?"

you huff loudly, planting your hands on your hips. "I was going to say that you shouldn't just leave in the middle of us talking."

"I wouldn't if you'd just be honest."

"I am!"

"you're not," lee hisses, stepping forward to you. immediately, your back presses against the screen, eyes wide as she leans in closer. she's not sure what's gotten into her, but arousal and irritation make for an ugly combination, sending an urge through her to shut you up but also do it in the most filthy way her mind can think of. "you're upset I left when you were doing whatever it is you were doing in the house. and now, you're trying to… get back at me or something?”

your eyes stray down at that, lashes fanning your cheeks. lee watches you quietly. you look so sweet, so pure, like this. fingers fidgeting at the material of your sweats, the warmth on your face flowing right from your skin to hers. eyes, so shiny in the faint coat of light, casted down in embarrassment. lee grits her teeth. something in her goes slack at the sight of you like this, wanting nothing more than to draw out more humiliation from you. she immediately retracts the thought back. what’s wrong with her?

“fine, I– you’re right.” you sigh, a deep frown planted on your face. “I’m sorry, okay? but, you should’ve been more clear about what you were thinking at that moment when it happened. rather than just leave. that’s what hurt me. not that you didn’t want it, but that you left so… coldly.”

she sighs, wincing at the hurt in your voice. even if she has a good reason for avoiding your advances, she never wants to cause you such pain. she makes a silent vow to tread more carefully next time. not that you’ll make another move after this occasion, most likely. rather than reassure her, the thought only stings lee. it’s selfish, but she doesn’t want the sweet gazes and light touches to reside. “fine. I’m sorry, too. I should’ve actually spoken in that moment. rather than just leave.” she gulps hard. “I’m sorry.”

your throat bobs as you swallow, and lee watches the smooth skin of it roll. it looks soft to the touch, so delicate. lee can imagine how easily you’d bruise, how her teeth would sink in so easily. lee blinks hard, forcing her gaze to shift back up, her center beginning to pulse at the thoughts running through her brain. 

“do you wanna go home?”

honestly? “yeah.” she’s tired of the little games and secrecy, and would prefer to go home and devise a plan as to how to handle this new state of your guys’ friendship.

“okay.” your voice is low and meek, like you’re a wounded child, lee hates it, guilt stabbing at her. maybe she should just stay. “can you unzip this before going, though? really, I can’t do it.” with your gaze slid to the ground, you turn your back to her.

“um, sure.” with trembling fingers, lee raises her hand to the zip, tugging it down. when it doesn’t give on her first two tries, she uses her other hand to pinch the fabric and hold it taut, finally getting the zipper down. as more and more of your back gets revealed, a sprinkle of spots and pimples painted upon it, lee feels her breaths shorten. it doesn’t make sense. she doesn’t even need to breathe in the first place. but, habit is a hard thing to let go of, her body all too accustomed to the little rituals its been wound up for since birth.

she can hear and feel every little puzzle piece of your body’s reactions. your increase in heart rate, the heat sinking into every morsel of skin on your neck and face, your breathing shattering into tiny pants. it’s overwhelming, to say the least – she’s always been observant of these things, but ever since she got turned, they’re now thrusted onto her, relentlessly. it stimulates her without limitation, especially considering most of the time, she doesn’t even know what to do with these cues and hints.

when her blunt nails brush against your back, she tenses up at the sight of you squirming, her grip tightening on the fabric on instinct. to know she has this effect on you makes her head spin. she never thought she’d be capable of such a thing.

you lean back against her, your shoulder blades brushing her chest, and she nearly gasps, fingers twisting into the fabric of your top. when your head dips back to lean on her shoulder, her eyes flutter shut. god, she can smell your skin. forget that, she can smell your blood. it smells sweet, the aroma filling her nostrils to the brim and almost making her feel drunk in the way it tips her entire world over. animal’s blood only satisfies so much, she knows that. when she works too many hours, and forgets to feed, she needs to zoom past everyone when leaving the bureau, for close contact makes her muscles seize, her eyes burn, and her gums ache with the fangs itching to lash out and sink. it’s a human’s blood she craves the most. but, she has no desire to put anyone in that position. 

and so, for now, she settles for inhaling a deep whiff of your scent, her nose brushing against your jaw. her eyes squeeze shut as she sucks it in, greedy for it. so achingly greedy. she wants to shove you on that bed, strip you naked so she can push the tip of her nose into every plush point of your body and just breathe you in until it’s as close to drinking as she can get. her hands begin to shake with the want of it. 

you must feel it, for you ask, “you okay?”

god, lee shouldn’t be doing this. she can’t tell you what she is – it’s too much of a burden and responsibility on you, and for her own sake, she swore she’d keep it secret to prevent any complications. and even if she did, in a hypothetical and non-existent future, tell you what she was, she’d have no intention of letting you be with her, nor being on the receiving end of her obligatory feeding. she doesn’t want to hold you responsible for that. she can’t. 

with a jolt, she releases you, backing away. “I–I should go.” her voice is like stone, steady and hard with the way she forces it to be drained of any ounce of arousal or excitement. 

“okay, I–” you swallow, slowly turning to her. lee can’t even meet your eyes. but, she can pick up on the way your fingers rub together. “I’ll see you later?”

she nods. she can’t imagine staying away.

as she turns the doorknob to your bedroom door, you whisper, “lee?” 

she stills herself. “yeah?” 

“do you– did you want what I wanted? last week, at the house?”

she remains silent, her body feeling like it’s been webbed into stone.

“I’m guessing that’s a no.”

the hurt in your voice slams into her like ice, and she continues to freeze in its midst. she doesn’t want you feeling such pain, not in her hands. and lying was an option, but now that she’s faced with the decision of doing so, she finds herself speechless. how can she lie, when you’re so open and waiting? monster she is, she’s too human to resist fibbing under your gaze. she braces herself, choosing her words cautiously. vague enough that she can take time alone to figure things out afterwards, but enough of a confirmation to sate you for now. she could always admit her feelings, then later tell you she’s simply not in a position for a relationship.

and so, she leaves you with, “‘no’ would be the easier answer.”

she leaves before you can say anything.

and in a cruel twist of irony, the next time she sees you is during a moment where most people would expect her to be close to dying. if there is a god, her mom was right about him having a sense of humor. we plan, god laughs.

her and carter hadn’t seen him fast enough, and in a blow to her ears and a jolting tumble to the ground, she was shot in the arm. 

carter had managed to get him in the knee and disarm him, but they couldn’t wait for backup to come. both of them knew if their coworkers arrived, they’d insist on taking lee to a hospital. and if that happened, her secret would be unveiled.

and so, carter had carried her to his car, letting her lie in the back seat, and drove her home quickly, muttering breathless apologies everytime a speed bump sent her lurching, bile rising in her throat. 

she supposed it was a comfort, to know she wasn’t going to die. it ought to have been. but, the fear she first felt when the bullet struck her, seeping into her skin and lodging its way through, had actually been a relief. for a split second, she had been fooled into thinking her life was a fragile thing, the temporary nature of which resurfaces in life-or-death moments like these. she had actually felt human, like she belongs with the people she used to share the label of species with. it felt nice, to feel human again.

but, then, the pain settled in. and it only flashes hotter in her arm when her and carter arrive, and you’re sitting on the steps of her porch, waiting upon her return. 

all she remembers is the deep creases embedded into your forehead as you rushed to her side, shakily gripping the uninjured arm that slings as carter helps her to the door. and the way your voice reaches an inconceivably high pitch as you screech, “what are you doing? we need to take her to a fucking hospital!”

“you should leave,” carter grunts as he kicks down the door to lee’s home, immediately setting her down on the couch. “I’ll look after her here.”

“no, no, but I should help–”

“let me handle this, you can visit her tomo–”

“it’s okay,” lee mutters, her eyes half-lidded, the stinging ache in her arm seizing every inch with a death grip. “it’s okay. I trust…” she nods in your direction, too exhausted to explain your presence to carter. she’s only mentioned you as the someone she met during her night out, but kept it to herself afterwards. as she did with most things when it came to carter or anyone else at work. she probably would’ve never confided in carter about her true nature had it not been for him bearing witness to it. but, in a way, she’s glad. she doesn’t know how she would’ve managed juggling every other part of her life without his help and commitment to keeping her secret safe. even now, he’s still eyeing you warily, as though debating as to whether or not you can be trusted.

and she’s not so sure, either. you two have only known each other for a few months, and maybe that’s not a reasonable amount of time to measure up to trusting you with a secret this gave. but, in the throes of pain, the nonsensical reach for survival, she knows in her guts that she trusts you. and feelings don’t measure to fact, so yeah, maybe she shouldn’t act on this notion. but, she can’t find it in herself to care about turning over and inspecting every possible outcome of having this revealed to you. it’s not like you’ll actually agree to leave, and lee needs to heal herself. now. you’ll see her in her true state, using her powers, no matter what. the worries of burdening you, of you letting the truth out – lee can deal with it later.

“really, it’s okay,” lee murmurs, rolling her head onto her shoulder, panting heavily. “I just… help me.” the words taste new and unfamiliar on her tongue, feeling open and almost childlike in the small plea laced into them. she needs you both right now.

with some shuffling movements and awkward hands, you and carter manage to slide off her work jacket and unbutton her shirt so that one side is draped down her arm, the wound revealed. it’s a gaping hole with metal lodged in, smeared with blood and ripped flesh, searing with pain. she knows it’s not nearly as bad as what a full human would experience upon a gun wound, but jesus, it hurts.

carter turns his back to her for privacy’s sake. “take your time.”

she first did it when she got cut when cooking. she did it again when she had gotten badly bruised during an investigation of an old farmhouse with carter. she’s managed success every time, and she’s certain this time won’t be any different. 

her eyes flicker to you. she doesn’t want to show you this part of her. but, she knows you don’t intend to leave her side. and if you do abide by her wishes and look away, then turn back to see her magically healed, you’ll never believe her if she makes up an excuse or tells you the truth. and she’s not exactly in the right state to come up with a lie, anyways, for the healing process will be exhausting. it’s the truth on display, even in spite of the protest raging in her, the worries that you’ll leave upon realizing how monstrous she is. it’s now or never. 

she clears her throat and wordlessly gathers up spit in her mouth while raising her uninjured arm, hand cupped and ready to gather the wetness that comes dribbling from her mouth. she avoids eye contact with you the entire time, entirely conscious of just how… feral and unappealing this must all look to you. but, she can tell you’re perplexed, disgusted maybe, due to the still silence surrounding the two of you. 

the spilled saliva in her palm is delicately pressed to her wound, and she hisses at the contact. but, immediately, her body begins to run into overdrive, the inner-workings of it churning and rolling to push energy to the tender bit of pierced skin. immediately, her skin starts crawling in on itself, weaving back together and meeting at the center, the bullet slowly getting pushed out of the gaping hole as it sews itself back together.

she drinks in a deep breath, then wills herself to meet your gaze. in another circumstance, she would’ve smiled at the way your eyes bulge out in wonder, mouth agape as your gaze wildly runs up and down her body.

“lee, what the actual fuck?”

at first, you leave, much to carter and lee’s concern, the two of them exchanging questioning stares, which are alert with the question of: will you tell? but, then, in a matter of twenty minutes, you return, and sit right down in front of lee, demanding she tell you everything.

and so, she does. she explains how it happened without mincing words (which may account for why carter winces a bit), how she’s been managing since, and some features of her vampirism, trying to keep the more bloody ones tucked away under vague explanations, such as, “every few days, I need to, um, feed.” but, when your eyes widen imperceptibly, her stomach sinks, and she hastily adds, “not humans. animals.”

your silent question makes her feel slightly sick. did you not trust her at all? though, she couldn’t fault you. she herself doubts her humanity and goodness everyday, and she’s the one living in this lifeless host. the host that would be unfurling and rotting if not for the powers she’s so repulsed by.

that night, you send carter off, insisting you’ll take care of lee. she wishes, privately, that you’d let her be, for it’s only a matter of time until her body will demand replenishment. then, again, she hasn’t suffered from an injury this serious since she was turned. she doesn’t even know if she has it in herself to hunt for prey, not when her body is so depleted and weak. but, what choice does that lead her then?

as you change the sheets to her bed, for she drenches them every evening from over-sweating, her eyes roam over your figure, languidly skimming over every dip or curve. there’s a solution to her problems right in front of her. but, she refuses to engage in it. she can’t help but fear the addiction human blood might trade to her in order to have the sweet taste of it filling her mouth and coating her gums. she can’t put herself in that position, not when it might lead to this happening more than once. she doesn’t want you tethered to that. sure, it may not happen – it may just be a one-time thing and she’ll manage. but, the possibility of an alternative path is too much.

you help her back to the bed with an arm hugging at her waist, warm and soft even though the fabric of her old t-shirt. when you lower her, she’s reminded of past memories, kinder ones, of her mother looking after her like this. she doesn’t enjoy the vulnerability that comes with being taken care of, but every other part of it – the tenderness in your hands, the way you’re alert to all her needs, the brief touches… those feel nice.

by the second day you’ve stayed with her, lee feels it edging on. her stomach is beginning to faintly grumble, the craving beginning to set into its motion. she’d resist it, ignore it, if it weren’t for the fact that she needs it in order to regain energy and complete the final stage of her healing. otherwise, she will continue to be weakened by the exertion it took her body to heal itself.

and, so, she tentatively brings it up with you, mouth twitching in half-amusement when you raise an eyebrow and say, “hunt? I can’t do that for shit.”

“well, I need you to,” she mutters. “carter’s swamped at the bureau right now for his trip to washington, so this is the only option.”

“ah, well, I do love being a last resort,” you drawl.

she rolls her eyes. “it’s not about being a last resort. this is just the situation we’re in.”

you sigh, glancing down at the gun she had handed to you. “but, I don’t know if I have it in me to, you know, do that.”

lee’s lips fold in, guilt piercing through her stomach. she hates to ask this of you. she hates doing it herself in the first place, and she needs it for sustenance. she can’t imagine how it must feel for you, whose life does not depend on it. but, she doesn’t know what else to do. she rummages through ideas for a few seconds, anything that can make this easier. 

“maybe, um, you can drive my car out deeper into the forest. and we park there, wait, then I can shoot it.”

you wince at the proposition, and lee chews her bottom lip, wishing she had been more delicate in the vocalization of it.

but, ultimately, you agree, saying if it’s for her health, you’d do anything. lee supposes it was meant to be a comforting sentiment, but it only makes her feel embarrassed and ashamed. for even when she is at a state where she ought to be stronger, she still needs assistance from someone else. and the worst of it is the fact that in this instance, your assistance requires you to sacrifice your morals.

and so, you drive her car to the woods. you wedge your eyes shut, crinkles and all, as she aims and shoots a rabbit. as per her request, you look away and turn up the music as she weakly crawls to it and drains it of its blood. lee wipes her hands and mouth clean of the sin, her stomach squeezing in hot, curdling shame as she returns to the car. she could only hope you stuck to your word and didn’t look. when she looks at herself in the door’s side mirror and sees a spot of blood remaining splattered on her chin, she feels her eyes burn in humiliation.

you two go back, and she waits for her energy to be fully replenished.

something that never comes.

the blood helps, but only some. she waits, hours and hours, and still, she cannot walk or stand for long before needing to sit down. when you two separate for the night, you resting on her couch just as you’ve been for the past two nights despite her protests that you should take the bed, she can’t help but feel a sense of dread wash over her. this isn’t how animal feeding is supposed to work. this isn’t how it ever works. it usually sustains lee and provides her with enough energy and strength for three days, maybe four if she stretches it out. but, then again, she’s never relied on said diet after receiving such a harsh injury. 

she reconciles the situation by deciding that upping the dosage might be the required course of action. and so, you two repeat the same line of events the next day, and she feeds. and again, she returns home, hands fiddling in her lap as she sits up in her bed. but, still, it doesn’t go away – the light-headedness, the exhaustion, the inability to move for long.

she knows you pick up on it too, for the next morning, you sit on the edge of her bed, shooting her a soft, wary smile. “do vampires have special doctors or something?”

“not that I know of.” she sighs, resting back on the headboard. while your question was spoken light-heartedly, she truly has been meaning to get back into contact with the family that turned her. though part of her, a huge one at that, still despises what she’s turned into, she knows being acquainted with other creatures like herself will make situations like this, ones where she’s still untrained and, therefore, at risk, easier to understand. 

your smile slowly fades, and lee’s lips pinch in, wishing she had joked back with you. “I’m worried about you, lee. you still seem really weak.”

“you don’t have to worry,” she mutters, eyes downcast. “it’s not your responsibility.”

“stop that,” you interject, shifting your body closer, lee instinctively flinching from the proximity. when she feels you move back, she swallows down the protest, waiting for you to continue. “I’m not doing this out of obligation. I’m doing this because I care about you.”

that’s the problem. if you were doing it out of obligation, lee could at least assure herself that you’re deriving some self-satisfaction from doing something that fulfills a responsibility on your end. but, when it’s all dependent on pure care, it feels burdensome for you. you’re doing this all for her. and she isn’t certain how to deal with that. beneath it all, though, is gratitude, warm and comforting. she doesn’t like being anything other than self-sufficient, but if she has to be, you’re one of the only people she’d feel at least mildly comfortable doing so with.

“I know,” she responds, forcing her eyes to meet yours. “but, at this point, our options are limited. and soon, I’ll get too hungry, and it won’t be safe for you here.”

you lick your lips, blinking hard at her. she feels uneasy with the possibility that you’re growing to fear her, now that you’ve borne witness to the uncontrollable nature of her desire for blood.

which is why she freezes when you say, “well, why don’t you take my blood then?”

her eyes, wide and straining, are fixed on the blanket, a flash of thoughts blasting through her mind. why would you ask such a thing? where did you even get that idea from? sure, like most people, you’ve probably always been aware about vampires’ tendencies to feed on humans. but, what could’ve caused you to get the idea that you and her should do that?

worse than her lack of answers is the stirring in her stomach, the quiet rumbling. it’s like an ugly beast has turned its head, reminding her of what she is, what she needs. she sucks in a shaky breath, trying to tame it.

at her pained silence, you continue, your voice slow with what she senses is trepidation, as though she’s a wounded animal. “listen, lee, I did some research with the books in here – the ones you bought on vampires and all that. and human blood is more reviving for you guys than animal blood. so, like, maybe you just–”

“no.”

you blow a puff of air, sharp and hard. “lee, now’s not the time to be stubborn.”

she shakes her head. “no. I won’t let it happen. you can’t– no, we don’t do it.”

“lee!” you scoff, your voice rising to a borderline squeak. “what the hell is the alternative?”

her jaw clenches. she racks her mind for something, anything, other than trying this – especially when this includes something that she’s never done before and therefore isn’t sure how much restraint she’ll have with it, as well as how desirous she’ll be for more afterwards. “I-I don’t know. maybe I’ll continue trying with animals, and it’s just a matter of time until it works. and if it doesn’t, I’ll, I don’t know, call carter. he’ll be back in two days, and–”

“and what? you’ll drink from him, but not me?”

lee’s eyes flick up at your wayward tone. “yes.” 

you splutter, eyes burning into her. “why?” 

“because I–” I know that carter won’t continue giving me his blood if he believes it’s going too far. I know he doesn’t care for me in the same way as you do, so he won’t give up too much of himself. I’m scared for you in a way that’s incomparable. I think your blood will be all the more tempting because it’s yours. “I just think it’s riskier for you.”

“why, because you think I can’t handle it? or, like, it’ll be less effective to drink from me?”

she can hear the way your voice breaks, and inhales a steadying breath to keep her own levelled, firm – rational. “no. it’s not a competition, okay? I just don’t want to do that to you.”

“but, why?”

“because, carter won’t give in if he feels it’s going too far. but, you will.”

you flinch, and lee hisses quietly at the sight. “what, so you think I’m just gonna be, like, stupid and let you do anything to me?”

“I never said that.” she ponders on her phrasing for a few seconds, before slowly saying, “I just– you and I share a… personal relationship. more than I do with carter. because of that, I’m worried you’ll be more lenient about how much or how often I can, well, drink from you. especially considering I may ask for more, or too much, once I get a taste. I’ve never had human blood, so my first taste might make me more prone to requesting for more. but, if this injury really does demand human blood, I want to drink it once, then never again so long as I can help it.”

“okay, so then I’ll leave for a few hours after you feed once, so that there’s no chance I give you more. or, I don’t know, I leave for a few hours, and you call to let me know if you feel energized afterwards so you have to digest it before taking more blood. and if you don’t feel better, we can deal with the situation then.”

she shifts. could that work? no, no – not a chance. even if it could work, that’s only by chance. “still, I don’t want to.”

“why?” you cry out, shifting further to peer into lee’s eyes, which flicker about. “if the difference between carter versus me is that he’ll ensure you stop, and I promise to do the same, then what difference does it make?”

her eyes widen, something in her chest twisting. you care so deeply, so effortlessly, without bounds. lee can’t help but admire it, even if it’s to her own detriment right now. you’re just too good.

“because I–” she turns away, gritting her teeth. “I’m more scared for you.” her voice lowers at the vulnerable admission.

“but, why?”

she says nothing, her fingers curling tighter into the sheet. she trusts in you to put the pieces together. she had already indicated her feelings last week, and has suspected since that you must, at least vaguely, know of them. and so, she doesn’t imagine it’ll take long for you to figure out her meaning.

after a moment, you quietly say, “oh.”

she nods. “so, no. we won’t do it.”

“lee.” your tone softens, breaking at the edges into something delicate and fragile. you shift closer, your hand resting on hers. she jerks in surprise from the contact, feeling her breath still when your other hand slides to her face, turning her gaze towards yours. your eyes are wide and imploring, eyebrows drawn in what she suspects is concern. “please. you need this. and I want to do this because I care for you. and I know that you’ll be extra careful because you… care for me.” you hesitate at the word “care,” and lee wishes you knew just how much she cares, and wants, and needs. “I trust you, okay? we can take preventative measures to be careful. and, wouldn’t you prefer to do it for the first time with someone who’s, um, a friend?”

her eye twitches at that word, but she shakes it off, trying to resist the part of her that is beginning to lean into your proposition. it’s hard to do so, though, considering the rules and regulations you’re laying on the line, which even she has to admit is giving the situation a more comforting level of structure. it’s making her mind wander, wondering if the measures you speak of are enough to secure a safe exchange. she’s aching for it, her bones weary and her insides deprived of the hot, strong energy usually surging through it. and with each argument you put out, her stomach pulsates stronger for it.

“no. I-I might be too tempted to keep going, to keep drinking if I…” she clears her throat, voice lowering. “... like it.”

“then, we’ll tie you up or something!”

that gives lee pause. her lips purse together, mind running a mile a minute. what if that’s the solution? she’s certain she could, eventually, undo anything you could tie or lock her with. but, if it’s something strong, like her handcuffs, it’d take her enough time to undo it to secure your departure if she’s tempted to do anything particularly… depraved.

at her pondering, you seem to realize that she’s considering it. “c’mon, lee, just do it.”

her eyes flutter close. it’s almost as though you think she needs to be coaxed into drinking your blood. but, that’s not true at all. what scares her most is the fact that every cell in her body is pinched and stretched with the desire to lean into you, bury her face in your skin and sink her teeth in until warm, wet splashes of your blood burst in her mouth. the only thing she needs convincing of is how safe it is to give into that desire, how she can ensure you won’t be burdened or pained.

“I– I don’t want you doing it just for me,” she murmurs, her chest still tugging with resistance. “it’s an… intimate process, and you don’t have to do it just for me. we can find another way, or, well, I can and–”

“lee,” you say, your voice hardened with a stern undertone. “I want to, okay? and I am comfortable. a bit anxious, yeah, about how it’ll feel. but, we can stop if it hurts, right?”

“that’s what I mean – what if I’m not able to stop?”

“lee, you just fed yesterday – I don’t think you’re desperate enough to not stop right as we start.”

she shakes her head. you’re too trusting – she can barely stomach herself and how unkempt her desire is. and you’re here, plainly talking about it, declaring the faith you have in her as though she’s not more beast than human. as though you see and know of these monstrous, dark wants in her and are so hopeful of the person she is that you do not notice them. or worst, that you do acknowledge them and have an easier time embracing them than herself. she doesn’t know if it’s a testament to naivete on your part, or proof of self-loathing on hers. “I don’t know.”

“well, I know. and I’m willing to try if it means you’ll get better.” you cup her jaw, tilting her face up. “please?” 

her breath shudders. she shouldn’t she knows she shouldn’t, but you’re going to keep coming up with solutions because you’re sweet. and her resolve is going to keep breaking with each one you serve, the hunger getting too strong. so, with eyes squeezed shut, she gives you a curt nod. 

you go with the handcuffs, chaining lee to her bed post. doing it requires you to sit in her lap, and lee needs to intentionally keep her breathing steady from the warmth of your body so intimately close to hers. but, as you wind your arms around her torso, perching your chin on her shoulder to get a good sight of the handcuffs, she becomes hyper-aware of everything about you. the plush of your thighs entrapping hers, the tickle of your hair brushing her cheek, how your breathing is stuttering and your heart is pounding. you’re just as nervous as she is. it only deepens her own fear, sending it plummeting into the hollow of her stomach. you guys also set an alarm for ten minutes – according to her calculations, it’s not nearly enough time to drain you of a harmful amount of blood, so it works.

when you lean back, your nose brushes past the lobe of her ear and a small shiver snakes down her spine. she prays for some refuge from this desire hanging around her neck and tightening with no relent. but, instead you remain where you are. her eyes remain stuck to your neck to avoid your gaze, which she can feel the weight of resting upon her.

“lee, should we start?”

she licks her lips, anxiety beginning to tie her body into twists and knots, tight and nauseating. slowly. she has to go slowly, cautiously and while paying close attention to how your body responds to her touch. she vows to do that, devoted to ensuring your safety and comfort. 

“mm, okay,” she quietly affirms.

“look at me,” you mutter, voice so breathy and low that it’s almost as though it’s a tangible object on the brink of shattering.

she abides by your request. she’d do anything you ask at this moment, really. anything to make this easier, anything to translate the gratitude that pools beneath the disbelief and fear at what you’re letting her do to you.

you watch her with eyes that are relaxed, steady. nothing like lee, who wishes to break away from the stare as soon as possible. it’s unnerving, yet lee holds onto it as an anchor. your courage and trust in this situation is what’s propelling it forward, what’s holding it at the seams. she wants to rely on it, just as you’re relying on herself to handle you with care. 

“it’ll be okay.”

three words and it makes lee’s mouth twist in emotion, her eyes beginning to burn faintly. but, she doesn’t give herself over to the urge. not like this, not when she needs to remain level-headed.

“I just…” she’s close enough to count your lashes, and she almost does – anything to distract her from the next words she utters. “I don’t want to hurt you. I want you safe.”

your lips slowly curl up, and it makes the skin by your eyes crinkle. how you have it in you to smile in this moment, she doesn’t know. “and you’re sweet for that. but, I trust you to keep to that, okay?”

“why?” she asks. “you’ve only just found out what I am.”

“and? I’ve known for months who you are. and that, to me, matters more. in fact, part of who you are is the fact that you’re this. and I don’t think that that, like, exists separately from the parts of you that are loyal, just and smart. I think it coincides with them. it’s just who you are, and so it wouldn’t make me distrust you. because, well, I trust all of you. not just parts.”

lee’s teeth make a soft click as they crash together and grind, trying to keep her emotions at bay. maybe she could set some time aside to think about this and cry later, but not now. now, the two of you had a goal to complete. but, still, compartmentalizing is easy only in theory after what you just said. for months, she has experienced a range of emotions, from discomfort to complete disgust, with what she’s transformed into, considering it a part of herself that she cannot bear to accept as being infused with her core being. rather, she’s seen it as a faraway facet of her existence, something she was forced into, and may have to adjust her life to, but that she wants bearing no significance in the long run. like a sort of parasite. so, for you to emphasize how infused that part is within her makes her feel not only uncomfortable, but unnerved, because she knows that in the union of these parts, you don’t turn away. you don’t look at her the way she sees herself. you see her as a whole, entirely filled figment that you will openly embrace. because you trust who she is beyond the division of human and monster. 

“thank you,” she manages to force out, not wanting your words to go unacknowledged. one day, she’ll tell you what they mean to her. she has to.

you two lock eyes after that, yours boring into hers with a focus that makes her shift underneath you. instinctually, your hands raise, gripping her shoulders tightly. she swallows hard, the sting of your nails digging past the fabric of her sweater making her body strain with the urge to squirm. and there’s something about knowing you’re depending on her to stay balanced that forms a warm pleasure in her abdomen. 

“of course.” after a moment, you shuffle closer on her lap, and lee nearly groans. you only stop once you two are nearly chest to chest, her eyes levelled with your nose. after a moment, you raise your chin up, revealing the slope of your neck to her. “we can start.”

her breaths begin to tremble, the momentum of the occasion feeling heavy on her mind. she can do this. you can do this. she doesn’t believe herself, of course, but she hopes with enough repetition it’ll absorb into her brain, even if just barely.

she leans in, her warm breath coating your skin. this close to you, she can hear the faint tremors of your breath, and she shuts her eyes in guilt. god, what is wrong with her? you’ve tried so hard to reassure her this entire time, and she’s barely done the same for you, too clouded by her self-doubt and anxieties to do so.

“hey,” she murmurs, raising her mouth to your ear. “it’s me. it’s us. I’ll take care of you, okay? I’ll be careful, and I, um, may not know how I’ll react. but, I’m going to try my hardest to make sure you’re safe. okay?” 

your fingertips press harder into her shoulders, which flex automatically. “I know you will.”

she gulps. “still, I wanted you to hear it from me.” just to emphasize it, she leans back, her eyes locking onto yours, which gleam prettily from the orange light of her bedside table. she forces the thought away – now’s not the time. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. but, I’m gonna make sure you’re okay.”

you nod, your lips curling into a gentle smile. “just–just go slow, okay? so, I can call it quits if it hurts too much.”

she nods immediately. “yeah.” after a pause, she adds, “we really don’t have to–”

“lee, I want to,” you repeat, once again, grip tightening on her. “trust me on this.”

she sucks in a shaky breath. she supposes that’s all there is to this. her trusting your strength, you trusting her fragility. “okay.” 

when you give her one more affirmative nod, she lowers her head back to your neck, slowly, carefully. the sight of the spot, different freckles and pimples sprinkled about it, has her stomach shifting with longing, the ache for a taste beginning to stir stronger. it hisses at her, makes her feel like your neck is beckoning her forward. 

your arms envelope her neck. “is this okay? can I… can I hold you, lee?”

surprisingly, she finds that she doesn’t want to deny you. your arms around her feel steadying, something to focus on and absorb the sensation of when the entire world seems to be spinning. something to focus her thoughts on momentarily, sink into the feel of so that not every single sense of hers is anxiously pinpointed onto the impending bite. something to shudder against and find a bit of comfort and solace in when she’s about to expose to you the horrors of what she’s become. 

“it’s okay,” she breathes, her head dipped against your shoulder. your hands smooth over the fabric of her sweater, easing into gentle, rhythmic circles that loosen the tension in her body. it feels as though this touch translates your support, your affection, and is another way of reminding her that you are here for her despite the horrific display she’s about to put on. and it means so much to her – that kind of unwavering loyalty, especially coming from you, the one she holds in such esteem. the one a stray part of her has been wanting to be held by for an aching number of months right now. your touch is so unfamiliar, and it feels so solid and real against lee. something finally flung out of her dreams. it makes her want to pull away, put distance so that she can reside in the familiar place of physical isolation. but, she knows it’s just her own stumbles and struggles with intimacy causing this strain. because if she closes her eyes, and pretends this is something you two have done before, something she’s good at, she’s able to sag against you, sigh as your fingers dip into the strands of her hair.

finally, she leans back, her breath ghosting against your neck once more. she marvels at your sensitivity, goosebumps immediately breaking over your skin at the cool puff. she can hear your breaths growing shorter, faster, and she repeats, once more, “it’ll be okay.”

your grip in her hair tightens slightly, and her eyes squeeze shut at the slight pain. “I know. I just keep telling myself it’s like a piercing, or a shot.”

her lips twitch, fondness breaking through. “yeah.” she opts to say nothing else, not wanting to shatter your self-assurance.

with a heavy breath, she closes her eyes, letting her fangs protrude out of her gums, the act sending a slight ache into her mouth. once she adjusts to the newly extended teeth, she leans forward, grazing them against the tender skin of your neck, wanting you to get a sense of what’s to come. 

you suddenly shiver against her, and lee swallows down a noise at the indication of how sensitive you are. when she does it again, she knows it’s a lie to say it’s solely to help you adjust, her body feeling completely on edge when you softly gasp again, your fingers wound tight in her brown streams of hair.

“still okay?”

“yeah,” you heave, the nails of your other hand digging into lee’s back. she nearly groans at the sensation, the hunger beginning to grow stronger in her guts, mixing with arousal at having you so close to her, so pliant and waiting. it’s to help her feed and survive, but she can’t help but wonder just how submissive you’d be in other contexts.

“are you sure?”

“mhm,” you hum, the noise slightly squeaky. that, paired with the flush of heat crawling along your skin, which lee catches onto as soon as it snakes over you, are indicators enough that the intimacy of the moment isn’t lost on you.

“I’m gonna do it now,” she whispers. the declaration is for both you and herself. she’s never been a person of words, but in this moment, she believes that her announcement of the act is the only thing that’ll push her forward to go through with it. 

you tense against her, and lee suddenly wishes she wasn’t handcuffed, that maybe she could comfort you too. it’s an unfamiliar urge. “okay.” 

you trust her. you trust her more than she trusts herself. lee reminds herself of this, focused on the fact that even if she doesn’t like herself in this form, nor has a lot of faith in herself in it, you do. and even if you didn’t, she took it upon herself to care for and protect you the moment she first called you to meet again all those months ago. and for those reasons, she owes it to you to store some certainty in herself that she won’t hurt you and won’t lose control. she’ll trust herself, at least for you.

her eyes are wide and focused, her breaths still as her teeth easily give way into your skin, piercing the surface of it, which is soft and taut. it’s almost like biting into a soft, creamy dish, easily breakable and so much more delicate than one ever anticipates. she goes slowly, willing herself with repetitive mantras to take her time and listen closely for signs of anxiety or discomfort from you. while your grip on her tightens, heart continuing to thud fast and hard against the confines of your chest, you say nothing.

her fangs sink in a bit deeper, totally breaking the barrier of skin as the thin tip of them dip in, and lee finds herself entranced by the feeling. becoming a vampire has taught her of the fragility of the human body she encompassed before she was turned. the kind of energy and strength that ran through her body after being turned, the capabilities she possessed in her everyday experience, were unmatched to anything she was physically capable of prior. so, she’s well-aware of the weakness of the human body. but, she never thought your skin would be this soft, this tender.

“ah,” you suddenly wince, gripping onto lee’s head tighter.

she stills her movements, torn between pulling back to ask if you’re okay or remaining frozen. if it turns out you are okay and want her to continue, then she’ll have to undergo the process of re-inserting her fangs, which may cause you more pain. but, maybe you’re in so much pain you need her to stop and take them out now. she racks her mind for a few moments, before humming lightly, hoping that probes you for a response.

“I’m okay, I just,” you softly gasp. “it just hurts a bit, but I think it’s getting better. just keep still.”

lee’s stomach tightens with the knowledge of you in pain, the fact that’s caused by her only making the guilt pierce harder. she takes your words diligently, remaining frozen, tongue still locked into her mouth, not daring to taste your blood until you’ve confirmed you’re okay. god knows what she’ll do if she lets herself taste it right now.

after a few more soft pants, lee can hear your heartbeat slow down, your hands beginning to stroke her hair, nails lightly scratching against her scalp. lee’s eyes flutter shut at the sensation, feeling utterly doted on, the itching sensation giving her an unexpected wash of satisfaction. it’s almost embarrassing – she’s right on the edge of tasting your blood, and head scratches are what have her sagging in your arms. that, paired with your other hand continuing to rub between her shoulder blades, feels like the closest she’s gotten to a massage in years. even in spite of carter urging her to go to one after she spends hours in all sorts of positions and contortions on the ground when sorting out evidence.

“it feels better,” you slowly say, your tone low and hesitant, as though you’re confused. “it just stings now, I don’t know why.”

lee wonders if her saliva is already helping you prematurely before she even heals the wound. maybe it falling from her open mouth, and mixing in with the process of biting, is helping you handle the injury. lee can’t help but desperately hope for that, wanting to eliminate as much pain as she can.

“you can keep going.”

she blinks, her stomach flaring to life at your permission. with her nose digging into the soft skin of your neck, she can smell the sweet nectar of your blood. her limbs stiffen in anticipation for it, shoulder straining as she lets her teeth sink in further. as she enters you, the curve of her teeth curling just right into your flesh, her breaths get shallow, hitching in excitement as she finally feels that first, warm splash along her tongue.

she can’t help it. she immediately moans, eyes squeezing shut as the first drops of your blood, leaking from the puncture wounds of your skin, smear along her lips and run onto her tongue. it’s so warm, sharp in how utterly sweet it tastes, and as it slithers down the length of the muscle, she trembles against you. her stomach twists, begging for more. to let these few measly droplets be the only tastes she gets of you seems impossible, but she scrunches her eyebrows together in focus, tensing as she gives you a moment to feel your way through her first sip. she wishes she could see your face, know what you’re thinking. 

“was that enough?” you whisper softly, stroking through her hair. “hum once for yes, twice for no.”

lee hesitates, then gives her honest answer. the blood she took from you was so little that it hasn’t even slid down her throat.

“take more,” you say, your voice hard with determination and surety.

lee’s head is whirring so much with the first brief taste of you, her entire body shaking in your arms for more, tight at the mere lick of euphoria. she can’t wait for another confirmation from you and immediately presses her lips against your neck in an open-mouthed kiss, teeth fully embedding into your skin. your blood bursts from the two small stabs, gushing into her mouth and sliding down the slope of her teeth and down her tongue. when it travels through her throat, lee whimpers at how easily it runs down, smooth and slippery, burying itself into her guts and infusing with the raging hunger that she’s forced to lay dormant for months. 

she gets so lost in the milky sensation of it, flowing so easily through her body and feeling like a dunk of ice cold water on a steaming hot day. so lost that she nearly misses a soft noise that comes from you. just nearly. but, as her mind registers it, and she hears another, her body tenses with the realization that you’re – you’re moaning.

though her insides wail for her not to, she forces herself to remain still, content to continue swallowing down the gulps of blood already pooled at the center of her tongue as she awaits something, anything, from you. though the spot between her legs is throbbing from the quiet, high noise that had drifted from your lips, she tells herself to focus, listen in for any signs of your discomfort.

but, then, you’re tugging on her hair, and you sound like you’re pleading for mercy when you say, “lee, don’t stop. ah, it feels nice.”

lee’s eyes bulge at that, the news taking her several long moments to fully absorb before she begins to suck again. but, even as she does, her mind is seized by equal measures of curiosity and confusion. why does it feel good? how does it feel good? could it be her saliva?

but, then, more of your warm, velvety blood seeps into her mouth, sliding between the gaps and curves of her teeth, filling the cavern of her mouth with fresh honey that has her feeling nearly drunk off of ecstasy the more she hungrily tightens and gulps down more. and, then, god, you make that fucking noise again – a high pitched, broaken little whine that has lee’s fingers tightening into the metal of the handcuffs still chained to her. you tug hard on her hair, and lee groans at the sting of it, the sensation pulling her out of the chains of logic and rationality and into the hot, burning throes of pleasure. her mind is wrapped in the silks of hunger satiated, the pure delight and high of it softening every sensible truth she’s ever known.

she pushes her mouth harder, teeth pushing in with a fervour her first bite didn’t possess before. she’s about to pause, fear springing into her that she went too far, but then you jerk in her lap, crying out, your arms tightening around her neck. 

“oh,” you mewl out, “do that again.”

fuck. lee will do it a thousand times if it means she gets to become surrounded with more of those noises.

she pushes in harder and you instinctively grind on her crotch again, inciting a grunt from lee. she doesn’t feel much from the friction of it, but the mere fact that your pleasure is so great to stir up movement like this has her tipping into something akin to hazy obsession. 

“sorry,” you gasp, “was that okay? one hum for yes–”

lee gives a firm, short hum. somewhere in the back of her mind, there’s the nagging voice that this can be precarious for your friendship, but she doesn’t care. she can’t care, not when you’re writhing on her lap, pliant for the taking, lost in pleasure just like her. when will she ever have the nerve to do this again? when will lee harker, in any other moment of her life, let herself fling into such reckless abandon, with her reservations crumbled by sheer arousal?

she shoves her face into the warm slope of your neck, prodding her teeth in deeper, your blood gushing into her mouth and coating it as she continues drinking. she whines loudly, her arms straining with the stretch of being handcuffed, rattling her wrists against the metal loops desperately. they pinch into her skin, but she doesn’t care, her fingers itching with the urge to burrow into your hair, your skin, your clothes, anything.

your restraint seems to dissipate just as fast as hers, for moments later, she feels your arms envelop her as you shakily plug in the key, setting her arms free. they immediately fling up to encircle your body, and she keeps you wedged against her as she continues slurping your blood, one hand on your hip digging in and pushing you back and forth on her lap. you cry out, hugging her close. in a string of dissolved moans and squeaky breaths, you say, “lee, yes, please, like that.”

she grips tightly onto your body, helping you continue to move as she keeps her eyes clenched shut. the taste of your blood staining her mouth has her enthralled, adrenaline pumping through her body relentlessly. 

when her nails dig into the dips of your back, you release a choked out, raspy noise, your hips stilling from their motions, letting her drink and drink and drink. she can’t even imagine how this can get better until you’re suddenly convulsing on her lap, entire body jerking wildly as a loud wail flies from your lips, bouncing off the walls of her empty bedroom. lee’s fingers sink deeper into your skin, short, rounded nails pressing into the strip of skin right above your ass as she continues to eat you up, relishing in your warm blood as you shudder in her arms, which grip onto you with a sudden blast of protectiveness. you clutch on just as tightly, hugging her to you with soft coos, shivers racking your body.

the next string of moments unfold too fast before lee’s alarm suddenly goes off, yanking her from her trance. the blaring noise, which stills her movements in shock, are followed by you tugging on her head, urging her to pull away. her mouth is longing for more, but her stomach feels full, sated, and she knows anymore of your blood would be for greed’s sake only. but, god, she wishes she can remain with more and more of it resurfacing on your tongue, but she doesn’t know if your urgency is due to wanting to remain on track or because you’re in genuine discomfort. and that’s enough to have her pulling away, her teeth slowly slipping out of the warm clamp of your body. you let out a soft noise, jolting on her lap as the points slide out, and lee nearly groans at the loss of being so close to your neck.

which, now that she opens her eyes, adjusting back to the orange light of her room, is coated in smears and dried drops of blood, leaking from the two incisions wedged near your pulse point. lee’s stomach flares at the sight of it, a deep, dark part of her relishing in seeing you physically marked as hers. but, when another drop of blood slips from it, she’s reminded of your own sense of comfort, and murmurs, “does it hurt?”

your voice is quiet, fingers still curled in her hair. “a little.”

she sucks in a sharp sigh, before leaning in and pushing out a wad of spit onto the marks. her tongue darts out, spreading it along the patch of skin, trying to ignore the way you gasp from above. when she pulls back, she whispers, “that should take care of it.”

“yeah.” 

she swallows hard, her tongue itching to lick up your dried blood. but, you’ve seen enough of her depravity today, and her hunger is quelled for now. 

which only leaves her to now face you, the heat of the moment dissipated, the goal accomplished, and motive no longer pushing you two to remain in such an intimate embrace. but, she can’t find it in herself to coax you off her lap. and she needs to know what you’re thinking. if you hate her, think less of her, never want to see her agaon. she knows those may not be logical possibilities, considering how much you seemed to enjoy the feeding (a fact which she still is having a difficult time deciphering), but still. maybe the impassioned moment wearing off will reveal to you the grim reality of who – what – she is.

she pulls back, eyes roving from your neck to your chin to your nose before finally setting upon your eyes, which are wide, pupils dilated. lee feels struck from the lack of anger or despair they hold, your eyebrows relaxed and face absent from creases of tension. 

“that was nice,” you half-laugh, head ducking down in what seems like… embarrassment?

lee’s clears her throat. “nice? really?” 

“yeah, I, um…” you trail off, the hand in her hair straying to pick at her sweater. she takes notice of the nervous tic – it’s something she herself would do. “I don’t know why, but it felt, like, so good after the pain subsided. I, um… I came.”

“came where?”

you give her a pointed look, as though you’re silently urging her to piece it together.

which she does a second later, lips parting as a shock pulses through her, stunning her into moments of silence before she quietly splutters, “you, uh – you had an orgasm?” so, that’s what the shaking was.

you bite your lip. “yeah.” 

lee’s eyes flick to the way your teeth sink into your bottom lip, an impulsive thought bursting through her mind about latching her fangs into it and watching the skin split. she shakes it off. she’s demanded enough of that of you today, and now has an unexpected orgasm to deal with. god, even the sentiment has her feeling secondhand embarrassment. how did you come from this? she skims through the possibilities, the only sensical one being that the bite actually felt good enough to cause, or contribute, to you coming. but, how?

“I don’t get it,” she flatly says. “how did you, um… you know?”

“I don’t know. it just felt so good,” you say, your tone lowering to something husky that has lee nearly shivering.

“it–it did?” she quietly confirms, her voice becoming a quiet murmur to match yours. when she looks up, her breath hitches at how close you are, your eyes entrancing, just as tempting as your neck had been just moments ago. similarly to the hunger, something in her throbs to get closer and inch in for a taste. 

but, she can’t, she shouldn’t. your friendship is already hanging on a thread that grows thinner with every new breach of intimacy you two embark on this evening. you guys haven’t even spoken of what occurred when she fed from you and what it means. another intimate act is not the answer. besides, even if she throws caution to the wind, what then? she can’t ask you to be with her, not when it’d succumb you to a lifetime of temporary living situations and outgrowing her. she can’t–

god, you’re moving closer, your eyes half-lidded, so similar to that one time you got high with her. “it felt really good.” 

you’re so close that your moist breath tickles her nose, hot and heady. your lips, a bit chipped from the cold, glisten as you rove your tongue around them to smooth them over. lee nearly whines at the sight, her center beginning to throb as your warmth wraps around her.

your eyes flicker down to her lips, and she immediately shakes her head, her breaths embarrassingly raspy when she says, “no, we shouldn’t.”

“please,” you plead gently, the tip of your tongue hanging out as you gasp softly. “please, lee.”

her teeth grind together at how you say her voice, a little whine lingering at the edge of it. “I– we can’t, you’d suffer for your entire life.”

“I won’t if it’s with you,” you interject, your voice raised in what sounds like broken desperation. “please, we can talk about this, figure out a way to be together.”

it sounds so good, too good. but, she knows it’d only end in pain, and she can’t do that to you. she won’t. “you would get hurt. I can’t do that to you.”

“I’d rather have you and get hurt than not have you at all,” you whisper, your fingers sliding up to softly grip her face, coaxing her to stare into your eyes, which are glossy with tears and earnestly sharp. “please, lee.”

could that really be good enough? having you for just a few years within the long, long life she’s going to live? is the heartbreak and agony that’d result from those years ending better than the emptiness of never having had a chance with you? lee really doesn’t know – both feel like a unique kind of hell, except one is of loss and the other is of an unlived possibility. but, at least the first would give her memories to warm by her side for the rest of her life, no matter how lonely it may be.

that tender thought is only heightened when you chew on your bottom lip, looking like the encapsulation of innocence and purity as you watch her carefully. “lee?” 

can’t she let herself have this with you? just once, have something based on pure want rather than need and efficiency? the prospect feels so goddamn tempting the more it whirls around in her mind. without realizing, she feels an invisible string, hanging between the two of you, tugging her towards you. her eyes are honed in on your pretty lips, so inviting, so ready for the taking with your small pants and excited little sweeps of your tongue.

“we–we shouldn’t,” she whispers as she leans in, eyes hooded as they remain trained on your mouth. 

“please, please,” you plead under your breath, the two meek words making lee’s head spin with thoughts of how else you’d beg under different contexts. “we can talk about it after. let’s just have this now.”

you’re right – you guys should talk about it. but, maybe before you kiss. doing it after seems risky, for the act will have been done by then, already shoving you two past the threshold dividing friendship from romance. it’s not a good idea, it’s not–

lee lunges forward, capturing your lips in hers. her arms are immediately hooked around your torso, shoving you close to her. she’s greedy, so damn greedy for every inch of you, her hands running along your back, nails tracing mindless shapes over the slip of skin revealed from your shirt riding up. you shiver from the cold of her touch, and she adores how your body moulds with hers. you’re so soft, so real, so good for her. a sentiment that only becomes more apparent as the raw taste of your blood swaps between your mouths as the tip of your tongue desperately curls along her teeth, prodding for the bits and pieces of your dried blood staining them. she doesn’t know why you’re so desperate for it, why you want to taste yourself in her mouth so bad. maybe having a part of yourself in her mouth drives you as insane as it does her. though, the notion only sends lee’s thoughts to a much more shameless place, and she finds herself sinking her fingers harder into the plush of your thigh, forcing you to be wedged tighter against her body. your chests press together as you two lick, suck and devour, the union feeling downright feral.

spit begins to leak from your mouth as your lips hang open to release all the noises pent up in you. lee’s mind feels hazy from knowing she’s causing those noises, and she worms her tongue into your mouth. she’s had your blood, and now, she wants to taste every other part of you possible. she wants to suck your chest, bite your lip and lick off all the slithering arousal from that spot between your legs. she wants you all, completely. 

“I wanna do so much,” she mumbles right before wrapping her lips around your tongue and sucking, more of your spit bursting onto her mouth and down your chin. she releases with you a pop to lap at the skin, starving for more of you. 

“then, do it,” you moan.

“some of it is wrong,” she rasps, her mind flooded with all the shameful desires she’s held in her chest for months. 

you pull back from her, resting your forehead upon hers. “trust me, none of it is.” after a pause where nothing rings through the rooms but your little pants, you whisper, “I want you to do so many things to me. things I’m so embarrassed of. but, wanting it must mean it’s not too bad, right?”

still hung up on your admission of wanting her to do things to you, she takes a few long moments to fully digest your words. she’d hate to ever contribute to making you feel ashamed of the fantasies you have, and she’s sure she’d want them all just as much as you. the realization gives her pause – will you be that for her? someone whom she can share with all of these secretive wants she’s always kept buried within, only allowing it to have rare glimpses against the light of day. 

with the way you’re staring at her, so desirous and trusting in your touches and gazes, she feels that just maybe, you can be that for her. you’ve already seen her at her most primal state of necessity and survival. if you can accept her in her desperate, graceless, thoughtless need, maybe you can accept her in all the desires she’s kept hidden for so long. 

“right,” she breathes, her nose rubbing against yours as she pushes her lips against yours again, dragging her nails down your back as you wrap your hands into her hair. 

maybe for a moment in her great span of life, she can let herself fall into the sanctuary of being with you. maybe, for some time, she can be drained of shame with you. maybe, if she hopes hard enough, she can feel human with you. or, even stranger of a possibility, she can be anything but human with you. she can stop pretending.

it seems like a faraway, impossible dream. but, as you seize at her with unfiltered desire, holding her close as though she’s something pure and good and precious, her chest splits open with a flood of hope. a flood that whispers maybe you’ll hold her tenderly as a creature that, yes, is still stuck between monster and human, but just as deserving of a life. despite the coldness of her skin, the breaths she only takes out of habit, perhaps this kiss is a vow that you’ll keep her alive through something beyond physicality, something deep in her that still sparks tears and laughter and empathy. something like a soul.

she lets you write the promise upon her skin that night, drinking and drinking it up, and letting it wash all over her. and she continues to for many years to come.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

I've been reading your posts for awhile now and I genuinely enjoy reading your takes especially with Harry's characterization. so I've been wondering what are your thoughts on the lupin family? especially with teddy? although I still kinda dislike his parents' relationship i still think he's an interesting character and i wished people talked about him more outside of shipping. What would his relationship with harry be growing up? Also Lyall's death was never really confirmed, only hope's was so do you think he and Andromeda raised teddy instead of harry? It still feels odd that remus chose a 17 year old to be his son's godfather surely there were other suitable candidates than a literal teenager.

Thank you so much 💕

So, this is like entirely in my headcanon space since I did not watch/read Cursed Child and I'm not planning to. I don't consider any of the post-book material canon at all except the Quidditch World Cup in 2014, which I accept since it's fun and doesn't go out of its way to ruin established characters. I enjoyed reading it more than the epilogue, so that's something.

That being said, I often prefer to ignore many aspects of the epilogue and the World Cup article when headcanoning post-books events. I also don't engage much with next-gen stuff since I'm more interested in Harry's generation, but I do have some thoughts about Teddy.

With all this out of the way, let's talk about the Lupins.

So, I like Remadora, I think they're alright for the little we see of them. Tonks just deserves so much better than Lupin in my mind. I mean, he wanted to leave her, after he got her pregnant, for his own sense of inadequacy, guilt, and allergy to taking responsibility. Harry was so justified in ripping Remus a new one.

Now, I mentioned here, how I think Remus didn't make Harry Teddy's godfather because he thought Harry was ready (though Harry is more mature and responsible at 17 than Remus is at 37, so...), but as a way to promise Harry that he isn't going to push him, or Tonks, or anyone who loves him away anymore. It was Remus trying to apologize in a weird way that didn't really land. Especially since he goes and dies right after. (can you tell Remus is my least favorite marauder?)

Now, I find it really hard to imagine Remus as a father for Teddy had he lived. Like, I can see Tonks being a cool mom and her and Teddy matching hair colors when walking together and messing with people (and I think she could become more responsible had she lived longer). Remus is a harder one for me to envision as a parent. I mean, I think he'd be relieved that Teddy wasn't born a werewolf, but whenever he'd look at Teddy and Nymphadora, I think Remus couldn't help but feel sorry for himself and like he doesn't deserve them. While making Harry Teddy's godfather was meant to be a sort of promise, I can't see Remus fixing his habits so quickly. I mean, he'd try. But I can also see him, trying to up and leave a few times only to be talked out of it by various characters.

I think his behavior is going to put a lot of stress on Tonks too. Like, While I think they do love each other, I don't know how well their relationship would work in the long run if Remus doesn't bother to work on himself and get his fucking act together.

But in the books they both died, so Teddy is spared the mess his parents' relationship likely would've been and is instead stuck with a different mess of being an orphan with a 17-year-old caretaker. (This kid cannot win. Maybe because both his parents were kinda irresponsible and didn't quite get a grasp on adulthood when he was born)

So, post-DH, Remus and Tonks are dead, Ted Tonks is dead and we are left with a grieving Andromeda who lost all her family (again), a grieving Harry who just keeps losing people, and a newly orphaned barely a-year-old Teddy Lupin.

I think Teddy is an interesting mirror to baby Harry and Neville in a way. His parents died/couldn't take care of him because of Voldemort/his followers and he was left with only a godfather/grandmother. Teddy got both and his godfather isn't in Azkaban, so he has it a little better.

I like to imagine Harry makes sure to be super involved with Teddy's childhood, but I can't imagine a 17-year-old (almost 18) Harry post-war and maybe going back to Hogwarts for 8th year (depends on headcanon) being in a state to take care of a baby full time. I like to think Andy helps out in that first year a lot. I think Andy needs someone, some family to get her through loss. And I think Harry could enjoy Andy's company too. I'm sure she has plenty of stories about a young Sirius, and maybe even a young James, and in my headcanon, Andy somewhat adopts Harry as an extra son too.

Which means she ends up seeing way more Weasleys than she ever expected to. I think the Weasleys, who just lost Fred would understand a lot. I mean, both Andy and Molly lost a child and other family. I want Andromeda be more involved with all of them post-canon. That's my wish.

So Harry is Teddy's official guardian, but he spends loads of time with his grandma and the Weasleys growing up probably. Like, I don't mind him and Victoire being together, though I wouldn't necessarily have been my preferred choice, but I don't really care. They're probably childhood besties because they grew up together.

As for Teddy's relationship with Harry, I think Harry would end up treating him more like a much younger brother than a son. I mean, when Teddy would be 10, Harry would just be 27. Don't get me wrong, Harry could, technically, be his dad, but I think their dynamic is going to be different than that of Harry with his own children. Just because of how young and traumatized Harry is when he gets Teddy.

So, I think their relationship would have its tense points, but they'd also love each other. Like, you know Harry would do his best. He'd be super protective over Teddy, Andy would be, too. Like, no one messes with this kid.

But I also kinda want Teddy making a: "you're not my dad" joke/comment when Harry tries to send him to his room or something and Harry doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry the first time it happens. But I think it would become a recurring joke Harry laughs from.

I think the first years would be the roughest. Everyone's grieving and trying to settle back into a semblance of normal life. Harry never really had a "normal life" he's gonna have no idea what to do with himself and I think Teddy could be a purpose he dedicates himself to. I think these two and Andy could all help each other figure their lives out. But as Teddy grows older and things settle down, it becomes easier.

While I think Harry and Teddy would end up really close, it's not going to be exactly the same relationship Harry and Sirius had. Teddy is going to have a happy childhood, Harry and Andy wouldn't let it be any other way, so he won't have the same grief and trauma Harry did as a child. Like, their dynamic would be less desperate, I think. Like, Harry wouldn't need to stay in a cave and eat rats for Teddy, their situation would be way chiller. Like, I think Harry would be constantly confused about how Teddy ended up being such a cool kid/teen because he doesn't think he could've raised him like that and he would joke about it with Teddy who'd be all sarcastic like: "Obviously, I raised myself here,"

Like, I imagine Teddy with his mother's punk fashion sense and goofiness (the goofiness I believe was 100% shared by Ted Tonks), Remus' voice and constant self-doubt, Andromeda's posture (he sits with his back perfectly straight, okay, Andy didn't let him slouch by the table), and Harry's sarcasm. He's like this mix of them and still his own person.

I think Teddy is likely to go through quite a lot of personal phases to try and figure out his own identity and how he portrays himself. Becouse everyone treats him as the godson of the famed boy who lived, but his dead parents were the last Metamorphmagus and a Werewolf. And he is very close to his grandma, who is a disowned daughter of House Black. Like, this is a kid rip for angst about who he is and who people see him as and him being a Metamorphmagus really leans into it.

Like, a young Teddy making sure to look like Harry in public because he's proud of the connection. Or Teddy mimicking Remus or Tonks' appearance from photos when he thinks about them and misses them or wants to remind strangers who his parents actually are becouse they seem to forget. Like, that could be super fun.

I think Harry's kids would really like Teddy. He's like a cool older cousin/brother who lives with them. Like, I can see them really looking up to him and Teddy would complain to Harry about being followed around by a 3-year-old that won't leave him alone and Harry would just find the whole thing amusing.

(I can also see a post-war Andromeda getting back in touch with Narcissa, so you could involve the Malfoys too if you felt like it. Though I feel like Teddy would just, not like Lucius much)

(Also also, I think Lyall is dead. I feel like if he was alive we would know, yk?)

[aprillikesthings]

*sobs*

....don't judge me

I really, really love the random scenes where they let Aimee (Adora's voice actor) go off the rails a little

(one of my other faves being the bit in Promise where she's like "clearly nothing in this place is listening to me!!")

speaking of comic relief in this episode lolol

the way Catra's eyes go back and forth really quick right here as she's forced to remember what's happening--it's just so well done

hah, you'll carry her like that again in uhhhhhhhh a season and a half

I've said it before and I'll say it again: how much do they think about all of this, during the year or so they barely speak after this? Like. Catra. Girlie. The universe was shattering into pieces--because of something you did--and she still attempts to rescue you.

I say this knowing damn well why Catra rejects it--even if she was ready to give up on being The Villain, the lack of autonomy here, being "rescued" by Adora, would sting too much. Adora still zapped her into unconsciousness (which is a little too close to the way SW tortured her--not only as a child but recently, like an episode ago!) and carried her onto the skiff even knowing Catra didn't want that.

From Adora's POV she's trying to save Catra

From Catra's POV Adora is rejecting Catra

UGGGH I'M NOT OVER IT I'm not not over this. Catra's furious at Adora refusing to play along in the fake portal reality just a tiny bit longer, she's so angry about it, and then Adora decides to just take Catra out of the Fright Zone. This was always going to fail. This was always going to end up going this badly--Adora thinking she knows what's right for Catra without asking her, and Catra being angry at Adora for rejecting the portal reality (and from her POV, herself)

Like, don't get me wrong, the shit Catra does leading up to the portal is so awful, I know, I've talked about it before

But this episode is nearly Greek tragedy levels of them misunderstanding each other, with disastrous results. They're both trying so hard to love each other in their own way, but their circumstances and previous history mean they're just making each other even more convinced the other doesn't give a single flying fuck about them. Aaaaaaaugh. Jfc no wonder they both get worse after this.

look at her!! she's so conflicted!!!!!! augh it fucking kills me aughghghghdka;hgkd;ajkl she wants to listen to Adora and she just can't let herself do it. she can't. it's going to take her getting everything she thought she wanted only for it to be nothing but ashes, until she thinks she has nothing left but deciding how she'll die, before she can bring herself to stop pushing Adora away.

AAAAUGH FUCK

the nuances of "Come with me" vs "Stay with me" is so much of their problem, fuck

y'know, you just SAID you'd rather let the world end then let her win, and then you grab her collar and yank in an attempt to keep her from falling into the abyss

not screenshotting the look of "eh, fuck it" Catra does before letting go and falling herself

anyway

eheheh

okay. look. i'mma just. watch the kinky bit okay.

i don't need to screenshot that distorted "hey adora" i've done it so many times but lemme just tell you, the physical reaction i have every time is just ridiculous

don't mind me

Can’t wait to engage in one of my fave midnight hobbies: get high as balls and rewatch bits of She-Ra and sometimes post screenshots with overemotional/horny captions

[marauder-misprint]

Hi! I don't know if you'd be comfortable writing this and if you aren't feel free to disregard this request lol but I was wondering if you could write a sirius black x plus sized reader hurt/comfort? Like maybe she's comparing herself to the people he's usually seen with and thinks he'd never be interested in her only for him to confront her after a bit of avoidance on her part and tell her that he doesn't think that way at all and that she's perfect and beautiful and he wants to be with her

Again if this is uncomfy or weird it's okay to ignore me- I've just been in a bad place recently and figured I'd try my luck haha

thank you for taking the time to read this! I adore your work ( ´∀｀)

Thank you so much for the request! I really hope I did it justice. I'm sorry that you're in a bad place and I hope it passes quickly ❤︎ I didn't go as deep into negative self talk as I could've - I know how mean we can be to ourselves.

Sending my love ❤︎

Boys like Sirius

Sirius Black x Plus size reader

2k words

cw: hurt/comfort, body issues, Happy Ending

It started in third year. Professor Slughorn grew tired of the Marauders interrupting every single lesson so he assigned them seats with different partners on different sides of the room. Remus in the back, Peter in the front, James on the left and Sirius on the right. It only sort of helped. Some days, it made the chaos that followed those boys fill the entire classroom, rather than their two stations. Other days, it meant that the boys talked to and worked with students they otherwise would’ve ignored. In Sirius’ case, that was you. 

The two of you ran in completely different circles. You had never been partnered together before and when given the choice, Sirius always sat with another member of the Marauders. The first few lessons sat next to each other were filled with plenty of awkward silences, mostly because Sirius was grumpy that he was separated from his best friends during a subject he didn’t particularly care for. But slowly, he opened up and once he actually talked to you, he found that he was enjoying Potions, if not looking forward to it. You were also enjoying Potions, because who wouldn’t want the gorgeous and charming Sirius Black as their partner? 

Your new friendship with Sirius spilled out of the Potions classroom. He’d wave to you in the corridor and talk to you in between classes. You were invited to study and go to Hogsmeade with all of his other friends. There were times when you felt out of place with his friends but Sirius made an effort to make sure you were included and listened to when you talked. In the end, you usually said yes to any invite because you got to spend more time with him.

The more time you spent with Sirius and the older you got, the bigger your crush on him got. You tried to play it cool. You tried to pretend that you weren’t absolutely head-over-heels in love with him, just like half of the girls at Hogwarts. Every time he flashed his trademark grin your way, you believed you had a chance with him, that maybe the stars were aligning and you’d get your guy. Every time he gave you a cheeky compliment or let his hand linger longer than a moment on yours, your heart would flutter with hope. Every invite was accompanied with hopeful eyes and excited chatter when you accepted. How could you not read into it? 

However, with half the girls at Hogwarts in love with him, you knew your chances with Sirius were slim. It was painfully obvious in your sixth year. Girls got more brazen with their flirting. He was single and they wanted to change that. It seemed like in between every lesson and at every meal, there was a different girl twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes at Sirius. And to make it all worse, it felt like every girl was skinnier than you. 

These were the thinnest girls with teeny tiny waists. Sirius could have easily lifted any of them up without struggle. And, well, putting it lightly, you had curves. You had thighs, a stomach, a butt, arms, breasts, a body. Someone once said you just had big bones, like that actually meant something. 

Every time Sirius flirted back with one of those girls who looked like the opposite of you, you felt a knife twist in your chest. It was hard to watch the boy you love flirt endlessly with those girls. It was a cruel reminder that boys like Sirius didn’t love girls like you. You felt doomed to a life without love. At least, without his love.

To lessen your pain, you began to distance yourself from Sirius. He had continued to partner with you in Potions every since third year. You talked less during Potions, knowing you couldn’t switch partners. You still waved back to Sirius when you passed in the corridors, but only if he waved first, and if he stopped to try to talk to you, you made an excuse to keep walking. You stopped finding him in the library to study with him and his friends, you stopped going to Hogsmeade with them. If you were barely friends with him, surely it would hurt less when the girls swarmed him. 

It didn’t. 

If anything, it made it hurt more. 

Those girls had it all, and they got his attention. They got his love. 

---

After a particularly quiet Potions lesson, Sirius couldn’t take the silent treatment anymore.

“Oi, lovely, what’s happened?”

You froze as you were putting your things away. You cleared your throat as his words sunk in.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Sirius,” you said slowly. You hoped to Merlin that you sounded confused and not guilty. 

“Feels like you’ve been avoiding me,” he clarified. “Only ever see you in this class… and even then, you’re… you’re not you. You’re quiet. You won’t even look at me.”

You pursed your lips together. So, he noticed. 

“I’m just paying attention, that’s all,” you lied. 

He scoffed. “Paying attention so much you won’t study with me, ahem, us anymore? You won’t come to Hogsmeade?”

You felt the insecurities rising in you like bile in your throat. You didn’t want to talk about this. You knew it would only lead to you admitting your crush on him and his inevitable rejection of you. You could practically hear him saying already ‘I don’t feel the same about you… maybe it’s better you’ve been avoiding me if that’s how you feel.’ Boys like Sirius don’t fall for girls that look like you, you reminded yourself. 

You don’t look at Sirius. Instead, you quickly finished putting your things away.

“I need to get to my next class,” you muttered before disappearing out of the classroom.

Sirius watched you go. He ran his hand down his face. He missed you, your presence, your smile and laugh, everything. And here he was, wondering what he had done to make you avoid him so desperately. 

He found you after classes were over for the day; he knew he had to minimize your available excuses. He was going to talk to you. Sirius would be damned if he had to go another day without knowing you were acting this way. 

“Hey! Love, can we talk?” he said, grabbing your wrist gently.

“Sirius, I have to-”

“Please, I need to know what I did,” he said, beautiful grey eyes filled with worry.

“What you did?” you repeated. 

Your hesitation, although it was only a slight pause, was enough to allow Sirius to pull you down the hall and into an empty classroom. He closed the door behind you. 

“Yes, what I did. What did I do to make you avoid me? I thought we had a good thing going, you know?” 

You looked anywhere but at him. Even without seeing him, you felt yourself getting choked up. You could see his worried eyes in your mind and it was paired with the butterflies you got from him holding onto your wrist. 

“You didn’t do anything,” you managed to say, although your voice is tight, the obvious sound of someone about to cry. 

He walked toward you, putting his things down on the desk behind you and then taking your things out of your arms to put next to his. Then he held the sides of your arms. You had no choice but to look at him.

“Then why? Why have I lost you?” 

Why have I lost you? You wanted to scoff at him. You wanted to laugh dryly. Like you were ever his to lose. Could you tell him that you were just making space for all the girls that fawned over him? Could you tell him that it hurt too much to be that close to him and knowing he’d never look at you like you look at him?

“I-I… I’m protecting myself,” you decided on saying. “At least, I'm trying to.”

“Protecting yourself from what?” he asked earnestly. He paused as he looked into your eyes which were getting glassier by the second. “You know the boys would never prank you, right? I’d never let them.”

“No, not that.” You shrugged off his hands so you could turn away from him. You couldn’t bear to see him when he rejected you for what you looked like. “From… I’m protecting myself from heartbreak.”

“Heart… break…” There was a moment of silence. Then you felt his hand on your arm again. “Love, please explain what you mean.”

His voice made your heart break more than it already was. He was going to make you spell it out for him. He was going to make you say how much you loved him and that you knew he would never reciprocate it. It made your next words come out more angry than you had ever spoken to him before.

“I thought that if I put space between us, that I could stop loving you and it would hurt less to see every girl flirt with you, to see you flirt with every girl who… who doesn’t look like… like me.” Your words came out scathing like fire. It didn’t help that you could feel the hot tears streaming down your face. 

His hand dropped from your arm and you felt your stomach drop. Here it came. Here came the rejection.

“You think I’m flirting with them?” 

His voice was soft. It sounded almost insulted? It was followed by a soft disbelieving chuckle.

“Love, I may have… partaken in banter, but if I flirted, I never meant to.” His hand found your shoulder and turned you back toward him. “The only girl I’ve flirted with is in front of me.”

His other hand raised to wipe the tears from your face.

“I suppose my intentions could have been more clear, if you’re feeling this way. You should know I don’t invite just anyone to Hogsmeade.” 

You couldn’t find the words to respond. His words didn’t feel real. It felt like the world’s cruelest prank. Your uncertainty must’ve been written on your face because Sirius kept talking.

“Love, I’m gone for you. You’re the most perfect person I have ever seen and had the pleasure of knowing and spending time with. Slughorn pairing us together in third year? The biggest blessing, even if I didn’t know it at first.” 

He gave you a moment to process what he was saying, seeing if you had a response yet. You opened your mouth to try to say something but all that came out was a squeak.

“Let me be clear, I really, really, really like you. I want to take you on dates and spoil you like you deserve. I want to spend more time with you. I want to go to Hogsmeade with you and just you. I want to study with you, even if it ends up with you actually studying and me watching you… which is what usually happens when I’ve invited you in the past, in case you never noticed.”

You were beginning to smile, so he continued. 

“I want to hear you laugh. I want to talk to you in the corridors. I want to sit next to you during meals and be with you in the common room. I want to kiss you. I want to snuggle with you and hug you and hold you. I really mean it when I say you’re perfect. You’re so bloody gorgeous and if I have to blatantly flirt with you every day so that you believe it, I will. You just have to say the word.”

“Okay,” you said quietly in a shaky breath.

“Can… can I kiss you?”

You nodded and Sirius took a confident step toward you. He held your face with both of his hands before bringing your face to his. All of your insecurities don’t disappear in that moment like you’d want them to, but you felt more confident than you had in a while. You felt like you were on top of the world though. The boy you love likes you back; and you know this because you can’t fake a kiss like this.

[professorspork]

Wicked 1/23/25, National Tour @ Hollywood Pantages in Los Angeles

HELLO FRIENDS.

I have just seen Wicked LIVE AND IN PERSON for the first time since *checks notes* holy shit six years exactly to the day, I saw Jackie Burns and Kara Lindsay on 1/23/19 in this very same theater

that's wild

anyway i was very disappointed in past me's note-taking so today i wrote down EVERYTHING

but also i didn't remember to pack my notepad like i thought i did so i ended up scribbling wildly on my hand, and then my arm, and then my ankle like i was possessed by some eldritch horror

no, i can't read a word of that either

anyway COME ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME, SHALL WE?

ngl a massive reason I bought this ticket was to see openly queer Mullet Glinda herself, Austen Danielle Bohmer, so I happily took a photo of the company listing when I walked in:

...only to then be very put out when I opened up my Playbill and saw that in fact I was scheduled to see the second understudy, Allsun O'Malley:

I asked an usher if he knew who would be Glinda and he was like "I'm pretty sure the board out front is correct?" so I had to wait in feverish anticipation to know for sure

In the meantime I saw this note:

...which made me hope I might get to hear the audible electric guitar music variants in Dancing Through Life etc that the LA production used to do in the Eden and Megan days but alas, it did not happen

seeing Austen also did not happen, and I could tell IMMEDIATELY because when the bubble floated in there was a visible like EIGHT INCHES OF CLEARANCE between the top of Glinda's head and the bubble and i was like "well that ain't Tall Glinda"

(Allsun is very aware that she is a short queen, bless)

here's the thing about Allsun O'Malley: she has a DISTINCTIVELY naturally low speaking voice and she doesn't do a thing to hide it as Glinda. Helen was pondering aloud the other day if Every Glinda Does A Voice and I had speculated that yeah, probably, bc if they're not doing Billie Burke they're doing Cheno and if they're not doing Cheno they're doing The Concept Of Glinda and like. nah. she'd sing the operatic high notes and then talk with this brassy alto and it was SO distinctive and interesting. (this is also a surprise tool that will help us later)

i cannot explain why I feel this so strongly, but the closest analog I can come up with to the energy and presence of Allsun's Glinda is like. Nate Stevenson???? the comparison came to me IMMEDIATELY and I could not articulate just what it is if you paid me but i felt it in my bones

okay thoughts scene by scene that's how we'll do this

NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED

I really liked how my Frex, Wayne Schroder, did "I'm off to the assembly, dear." It was like. Actually distracted and off the cuff like real married couples speak and not Hello I Am Union And Delivering My First Big Line and i appreciated that

Glinda got SO close to memory!Boq and almost touched his face, which moved me. Allsun's "it was a long time ago, and we were both very young" was satisfyingly near-tears

DEAR OLD SHIZ

tonight's Boq, Alex Vinh, had a ponytail! spoiler alert his Tinman did not have a silver tinsel ponytail which was a great disappointment

ROOM ASSIGNMENTS

Lauren Samuels is ALSO A SHORT QUEEN pocket sized gelphie made me feral. Lauren's portrayal of Elphie kind of faded into the background at times because Allsun and later Xavier McKinnon (😍🥵 MORE ON HIM IN A MINUTE) were both so charismatic but I did enjoy it very much

her "I'm beautifully tragic" was fuckin great, really leaned into the humor

when Galinda introduced herself as "Galinda Upland... of the Upper Uplands" she held out her hand like she expected Morrible to kiss it

Morrible did not kiss it

speaking of Morrible, Aymee Garcia has a SHOCKINGLY good voice and after seeing so many bootleg Morribles who don't bother to sing at all getting such a strong and lovely singer was a wonderful jolt to the system

Galinda didn't do a full trust fall faint at "something's wrong, I didn't get my way" (totally fair, not something I think is reasonable to expect from a second u/s) but Allsun still linked elbows with her friends, which is notable only because she did it later in the exact same way after Dillamond booted everyone from class like "Animals Should Be Seen And Not Heard" had also affected her (or admittedly possibly like she was worried she'd be blamed for it)

THE WIZARD AND I

Lauren did the thing where when Elphie says "when we work hand in hand" she holds up her best friend Suitcase by the handle and this is a Little Elphie Thing I always love

WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

rather disappointingly, this is one of the moments I honestly don't have big feelings about, which is telling. Allsun's G(a)linda is very obsessed with Elphie but enduringly, tragically straight about it and it was obvious to me as early as here I would not be Getting Everything I Wanted

HOWEVER

she did a full on Tevye-style shoulder shimmy for that last moment when Galinda's dancing and Elphie hip-checks her and it was very good

HISTORY CLASS/SOMETHING BAD

Kingsley Leggs did not get touchy with his students and did do the air quotes for "scapegoat" so perfect Dillamond no notes

I'm also not sure of most Dillamonds do this and it's not in the shot re: boots, but he explicitly shushed Elphaba before she could tell Morrible what happened from behind Morrible's back which I liked v much

DANCING THROUGH LIFE

Xavier's Fiyero is dreamy as fuck and can dance so well and can sing so pretty and i am SO VERY ENAMORED

srsly cannot overstate how fabulous he was, even though he's obviously a fiyeraba truther and not a thropple guy more on that later tho

bc i know my wife will ask, yes Allsun did the pokey stab at "sharp, doncha think" but did not do it hard enough for the hat to actually make contact w Lauren's stomach

Allsun was so short you could barely tell Xavier was dipping her lmaooooo

for the first time i noticed a sad wallflower dancer girl who's by herself near the stairs for most of the Ozdust portion and i want to know what her deal is

Allsun HUGGED Morrible at "how can I express my gratitution?" and lmao Morrible did not care for it one bit

Xavier did the cutest little shoulder nudge at "then what's the matter?" and at hearing "nothing" transformed into The Most Suave Man In The World for "good, let's dance" as like a SEDUCTION line it was great

Lauren's solo dance ruled, peak intense cringe

VERY striking to me that when Galinda first approaches Elphie, the crowd goes "yaaaaas!" like they think she's going to get off a really good zinger. they then LAUGH at "can I cut in?" as though that in itself is the insult they were waiting for. in the boots I've seen I've mostly taken this for audience laughter at that line, but tonight it was VERY clear it was from the ensemble

SECRETS/POPULAR

Allsun started the scene fully belly-flopped on the bed and remained laying down for "Your very first party?" which is the first time I've seen that

Lauren's English accent made its only appearance during the milkflowers monologue when she let out a "mum"

After the popular/LAR moment when Galinda has to dance cross the stage and then return to the bed, Allsun chose to do so by doing a lasso motion and pulling herself back to Elphie which charmed me utterly

Allsun did a full fucking split at "very very popular like me" it was damn impressive

I hope there's an Allsun boot someday her toss toss pose also involves particular foot placement and she MADE Lauren stand up and copy her

Lauren also fully tossed her hair entirely into her face so hard she had to pick it out of her mouth, I'm p sure she must do this every night it ruled

however this Popular still sealed Allsun's fate as Very Straight, the vibes were just. not there alas.

LION CUB

SINCE WHEN IS THERE WIRE WORK WHERE ELPHIE FLOATS TWO OF THE STUDENTS??? WHEN DID THEY MAKE THIS CHANGE??!?!?! i was astonished lmao

Lauren and Xavier really made a meal of "you think i'm really stupid don't you?" "no! not... really stupid" and I knew then for sure this was a Fiyeraba Truther cast

I'M NOT THAT GIRL

another "SINCE WHEN?" moment: the tour cheaped out on getting a bridge the cast could actually walk on, so the bridge is a flat set piece and then in the interlude Galinda and Fiyero actually just run onto the stage to dance in the rain and there's a spinning hug and it is DEVASTATINGLY EFFECTIVE at showing the two of them actually enjoying dating with Elphie on the outside looking in, I loved it, it should be like this everywhere

TRAIN SCENE

they modified the blocking so that rather than drag elphie back after she tries to run after Nessa, Allsun just body blocks Elphie completely from chasing by holding out an arm which I loved

Fiyeraba trutherism cont'd, Xavier *sprinted* past Allsun to give Elphie her flowers before having to cross all the way back for her. she then grabbed the flowers to offer them ALONGSIDE him at "we're both so happy for you" which charmed me but again, it read competitive not compersive

I can't explain how but Allsun delivered "I've always wanted to see the Emerald City" in this sweetly vulnerable way, like it was something she'd mentioned to Elphie before and she was touched Elphaba remembered

ONE SHORT DAY

Ever since Helen told me she heard an audio boot where Lindsay Mendez read the line "finally somewhere I belong" instead of "i belong" and I've wanted one ever since and Lauren delivered

in the long pause after "two BEST friends" it was Lauren who broke and reached first. this was repeated later in "I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this" which is striking to me because I was/am going to make a punctum about how Annaleigh Ashford always did it the exact opposite, where she reached first and let her Elphies choose to take her hand

AUDIENCE WITH OZ

when Elphie was bowing during "I'm Elphaba Thropp your terribleness" Glinda was coaching her through doing it from the sidelines like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls

Blake Hammond's first two credits in his bio are Edna in Hairspray and Pumbaa in Lion King, and he plays the Wizard exactly how you would expect knowing these two things

A SENTIMENTAL MAN

yes Helen he did do "son or daughter" like Glinda was his son, as god intended

LEVITATION SPELL

Lauren was d e v a s t a t e d after "you have no real power," she wasn't even listening to "exactly, and that's why i need you" she was fully head down hair covering her face CRYING crying

DEFYING GRAVITY

Allsun's "STOP" was authoritative rather than soul-rending, but then she knelt down NEXT to Lauren and HUGGED HER AROUND THE SHOULDERS for "maybe you're not as powerful as you think you are"

Lauren delivered "come with me; think of what we could do... together" near tears and i loved it

this was the biggest moment Allsun's second understudy status shined through, for a second there she couldn't get the cape clasp closed and it was an UNCOMFORTABLY long fermata for the orchestra giving her the room to do it before transitioning into the Elphie gets to her feet drum roll

again, not sure if this was a Them Thing or if this always happens and I never noticed because boots are in closeup and I wasn't looking for it before, but at "and if I'm flying solo" Lauren did a full on goodbye wave to Allsun as like a farewell of forgiveness and understanding and Allsun reach-waved back

growl at the beginning of ~battlecry, ty Lauren for my life

INTERMISSION

it was my intention to spend my intermission beginning the draft of this post and frantically try and decipher the mad scribblings i'd made up my arms, but i instead spent most of it talking to the woman next to me, a gregarious mom who'd brought her two girls

she told me she'd only just seen the movie and then DIDN'T GO ON THE INTERNET bc she DIDN'T WANT SPOILERS FOR ACT TWO

!!!!

reader i loved her this woman made my night

she was so into everything and when I told her about how often I'd seen the show she asked me so many questions about what changed over time and was so impressed by what they managed to do on stage

also one of her daughters was like "mom, elphaba's FUNNY!" in surprised delight and uh yeah that is my greatest criticism of Cynthia's portrayal and the fact that these random normies could tell was. a lot. to me.

it was only at this moment that it dawned to me how FULL this audience was of kids and parents in this exact same position, people who legitimately did not know what was coming in act 2

the following are the moments that earned OUT LOUD GASPS from the WHOLE AUDIENCE due to this fact:

Tin Man reveal

Dillamond under the blanket reveal

"use her sister"

"things that don't belong to us" up through the slaps, gasps on EACH ESCALATING LINE/MOMENT

Fiyero turning the gun on Glinda

"she was yours all along" THEY. DID NOT. SEE. THIS. COMING.

anyway

THANK GOODNESS

pitch-perfect "not how you described it to me"/"not exactly but we'll talk about it later"

because, again, the bridge was not something the ensemble could stand on, everyone was just crowded around the platform for this, which made it feel (purposefully and effectively) claustrophobic. despite being an obvious Fiyeraba truther Xavier is so GALLANT to Glinda in this scene, because like-- when Morrible gets the crowd all riled up and they start choking in, he made this protective motion like he thought they were gonna grab at Glinda and he was keeping her safe

then after stalking off, he trotted back to give Glinda a chivalrous hand down from the platform like it was just pure instinct

SINCE WHEN DOES POPULAR MOTIF PLAY UNDER THE GLINDA AND FIYERO TALK???!?

however the fact that I have more to say about Xavier's choices in this scene than I do Allsun says all you need to know i think

WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST

Erica Ito hadn't made much of an impression on me in act 1 but she ATE in this scene. nessa was fierce as fuck and actually scared me at "lost your heart?"

also before that she did the thing Michelle Federer used to do and looked all paranoid over her shoulder after "i'm an unelected official" like people could be listening and i've missed it

Lauren did EXCELLENT reaching as Allsun and Xavier left the stage in the scene transition into Wonderful

WONDERFUL / FREEING THE MONKEYS / REUNION

sorry Mr. Hammond i have nothing more to say abt your Wizard

Allsun got big laughs on her pained, awkward-trying-to-be-chipper delivery of "we all went to school together"

the fiyeraba trutherism comes home to roost, i have never seen any fiyero burst out "i'm going with her" so fucking fast

his callousness there was balanced by how kindly he pulled off the "well it was -- but it wasn't" to both

still, he was fully out the room and expected elphie to just follow him after his exit bc he didn't grab her hand, so he had to COME BACK FOR HER and DRAG her away bc she wouldn't stop making eye contact w Glinda

Morrible did a full on evil laugh after "change in the weather"

AS LONG AS YOU'RE MINE

exactly as horny as you'd expect given everything else i've said so far but Lauren REALLY gave it her all on that front

the mom next to me literally said "spicy!" under her breath after "for the first time i feel wicked"

lauren was THIRSTY going in for that parting kiss after the Kiamo Ko invite

CATFIGHT

this is where it all fell apart a little, because Allsun being 2nd u/s just didn't have the chemistry there to pull off all the transitions

she also couldn't quite manage the wand twirl which was a bummer

i think this became a more common move for Glindas in the late 2010s but she went in to touch foreheads w Fiyero after "he loves her" and it killed me

NO GOOD DEED

not nearly feral enough for my tastes sry Lauren.

i will say a lot of this was not her fault, current tour choreo for stages without the trapdoor entrance demands she just HOLD the grimmerie for half the scene before awkwardly handing it off to Chistery and it is very distracting

MARCH OF THE WITCH HUNTERS

noose lady was VERY front and center my goodness

again bc tour Glinda and Boq had to enter via platforms being wheeled on instead of having the built-ins, and for the first time i noticed Glinda's is her Thank Goodness platform. that made me froth at the mouth.

aymee was PERFECT at "you've wanted this from the beginning and now you're getting what you wanted" but kind of undersold "so just smile and wave and shut up" tbh

FOR GOOD

helen has been keeping a timer of how long it takes gelphie to touch after the song starts in earnest at "i've heard it said" and tonight was zero seconds Allsun started out already gripping Lauren's shoulder

and here is where Allsun's deep speaking voice comes in, because it has this thing where instead of Glinda taking the lower harmony feeling like she's changed it feels like she's finally being honest/herself for the first time musically

FINALE

somehow DJ Smart managed to make "M-Miss? Miss Glinda...." sound not only like Chistery struggling to speak but like CHISTERY HAD A LUMP IN HIS THROAT BC HE THINKS ELPHIE IS DEAD TOO

NOT TELLING GLINDA AND FIYERO IS ONE THING BUT ELPHABA HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL CHISTERY

speaking of, Xavier passed on the Chain Of Forehead Touch from Allsun to Lauren at "no one can ever know" he was SO SAD and i prefer that so much to Fiyeros who are strident or chiding

SERIOUSLY ELPHABA YOU DIDN'T TELL CHISTERY YOU'RE ALIVE? GIRL.

anyway at curtain call Lauren made sure to do Big Gesture at Allsun bc she gets to do this So Rarely and i had an emotion

AND THAT WAS MY NIGHT oops this took me two hours to write and i still have work in the morning

oh well, worth it

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Devil's Night: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Summary: Halloween makes its way around again, and you and Spencer are preparing for the best holiday (according to Spencer). He keeps you busy with decorating while he makes arrangements of his own, arrangements that will completely change both of your lives for the better.

Season Six Masterlist

Author's Note: I know Devil's Night is usually the night before Halloween, but for the sake of this rewrite, Devil's Night is the weekend before.

x

You, Derek, and Emily head over to his house but there is no sign of Kaman. House is a loose word. It's more like a garage of some sort filled with gas cans, shelving units, and a small bed in the very corner. The only source of light comes from the very few lights strung about. You turn them on but they don't provide a lot of light here.

"It's like a cave," Emily comments.

"This guy hides out all year long. With burns like his, he's probably sensitive to light."

"And his own skin," Derek says. "Look around, there's not a mirror in sight. This guy doesn't want any reminder of what he looks like."

"There's nothing personal in here. For a planner like Kaman, tonight's abduction was irrational. He went on private property and took Chris with a witness present."

"Maybe he's finally starting to feel the pressure and he's reactive," Derek shrugs.

"It's more than that. He's meticulous. He'd have a plan if he got cornered. He'd have an endgame."

"He already killed the man he blames for his accident. The other victims are slights compared to that, and now he needs to hurt the person who hurt him the most. The one who drives all of this. The one who broke his heart."

"Who the hell is that?" you ask.

Al and Hotch were too late. Chris had already been set on fire. He ran into the middle of the road while on fire and died right there where everyone could see him. Al didn't have time to take Chris to a secondary location, so he abandoned the van that he used and fled the scene. He's on foot now.

Kaman targeted Chris because he was fired seven months ago. He killed Chris where he did because roadblocks prevented him from going into his comfort zone. The only things inside the van are welding equipment, cans of gasoline, and a cage. Without his car, Kaman is going to lie in wait until he can't anymore.

Then, he's gonna lash out again.

There has to be something in Kaman's garage that will tell you where he's going next. You lift his mattress but nothing is there. You lift his pillow and see a single notebook there. You open it and see multiple pictures of the same woman in there.

"Guys, I think I found something." Derek and Emily walk to your side. "A woman. I think this is a diary. He keeps mentioning the same woman over and over again."

"Jeez. We gotta find out who she is. If this guy's feeling cornered, all bets are off. Tonight's his last chance to get revenge on anyone who's ever wronged him. She's most likely his next target."

You take pictures of the woman, send them to Penelope, and then call her.

"Pen, I just sent you some photographs."

"What do you want to do with them?"

"Blow up the background and see if you can find anything that tells us who this girl is."

"I'll hit you back." You try to figure it out on your own but you don't have Penelope's skills. She calls back five minutes later with Hotch on the other line. "Friends, we're on a three-way."

"What's going on?" Hotch asks.

"Hotch, we found some pictures of Kaman's girlfriend at his place," you say.

"I blew up those pictures. In one of them, she appears to be in a restaurant, so I zoomed in on the sign that says 'O' apostrophe 'S'. I cross-checked that with restaurants in the area, and there are five diners. Three are in the suburbs, two are in Highland Park, and one is in Rivertown."

"What's the name?"

"Jay-mo's. This appears to be Kaman's and that girl's favorite place because all the pictures were taken there."

"Have you heard of Jay-mo's?" Hotch asks someone near him,

"It's a few blocks from here," Al answers.

"Good work, Garcia. We're on the way."

You, Derek, and Emily begin the drive to Jay-mo's knowing Al and Hotch will get there before you. Reports of a fire alert just went out from Jay-mo's which means Kaman is already there. Hotch and Al arrive first and immediately go inside to rescue the man who Kaman was trying to kill. Thankfully, they do, and you arrive just as Hotch pulls the man's body out of the burning diner.

"Hotch, you ran into a burning building?" Derek gasps.

"I didn't have a choice. Her name's Tracy. Kaman's trying to find her."

"That man put his life on the line to protect her. She means something to him."

"She means everything," Hotch adds.

You're already calling Penelope to give her the new information on the case. She looks more into the diner and the people who own it.

"Jay-Mo's real name is James Morris. He was married to Loretta Butler. They have one daughter, Tracy Anderson. She was born in 1987."

"Why does she have a different last name?" you ask.

"When James' wife died, his sister Susan Anderson adopted Tracy."

"Where is she now?"

"Ohio."

"No, he says she's nearby," Hotch says. "Where do the Andersons live?"

"Uh, Indian Village."

"That's three miles away."

"Let's go."

"Thanks, Pen."

While you're driving over to the house, you try to get Tracy on the phone. However, she isn't answering. The line is busy. Kaman is already there. There isn't a fire reported yet, but Al calls in medics and fire suppression just in case. Penelope looks deeper into Tracy and Kaman's relationship only to find out that Tracy got pregnant right before Kaman went into a coma. He doesn't even know he has a child.

"We're here," Al says once everyone arrives. The SWAT team is also in position, waiting for instruction. "Hold your position. We need a single rifle. I say again, all units, hold your position."

"Copy that." Derek pulls off to the side once he has Tracy's house in view. "This is the street." You look at Tracy's house and notice Hotch going inside the house... alone. "Hotch is going inside, and he's on his own."

"We should go after him, no?" you ask, worried for your boss.

"Hotch won't do anything to spin him," Rossi says.

"It's not Kaman I'm worried about."

"This isn't his first time at the dance. We gotta trust him on this."

You have no choice but to trust him, and he did what he was supposed to do. He got Kaman out without him hurting anyone else. All Tracy had to do was show him his son and that is what convinced Kaman to go to jail instead of burning the house down like he planned to do. Now that you got that out of the way, you plan for Spencer's birthday by first, setting up a nice candle-lit dinner inside your apartment the night that you get back from Detroit.

Spencer was told to stay in the bedroom while you got everything set up. Mozart is lightly playing through the old-timey record player Spencer got a few years ago, the dining table is set with a white cloth, flowers you bought before you left for Detroit, fake candles everywhere to create a romantic glow, and three presents you got last month wrapped so prettily.

"Okay, Spencer, you can come on out now," you call out. The bedroom door opens and Spencer walks into the main room. "Happy birthday."

"Wow, this looks amazing."

"I made you your favorite. I got the recipe online so I hope I made it right."

"I'm sure it's delicious," he grins.

Spencer loves Indian food so you made sure to find an authentic recipe that involves everything he likes. You and Spencer sit across from each other and immediately dig in, and he moans at how delicious the food is.

"Seriously, you did a great job."

"Thanks, baby," you grin. "So, I was thinking about something. Maybe we should plan a trip to see your mom. I know she misses you a lot and I think it would do her some good if she saw us. I mean, I don't know about staying an entire week but I don't see an issue with staying a weekend."

"Look, I gotta tell you something and it can't wait," Spencer cuts you off.

"Okay."

Spencer remembers Derek's words loud and clear. Just speak from the heart. Okay, here goes nothing.

"You have no idea how happy you have made me. When I first saw you walk onto that plane for the very first time, do you remember what you said?" You shake your head with a smile. "You said, 'Sorry, but I've read everything you have ever written especially Identifying Non-obvious Relationship Factors Using Cluster Weighted Modeling and Geographic Regression. You have a very intelligent mind.'"

"I wasn't lying," you smile.

"I thought... Wow. How can someone so beautiful and smart ever want to talk to me? I often find myself thanking Gideon for giving me those tickets for the drive-in theater we went to. I don't think I would have found the courage to ask you out if it wasn't for him. We have been through so much and I know we're going to go through so much more... I want you there through it all right by my side."

Spencer reaches into his breast pocket inside his jacket and pulls out a small black ring box. The fork you're holding drops to the table, making a loud clanging noise as it hits the ceramic plate. Spencer gets up from his chair only to kneel on one knee right in front of you. Tears immediately spring to your eyes but you try not to let them fall.

"Spencer..."

"You're my best friend, the love of my life, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me. Will you marry me?"

"This is supposed to be your birthday," you cry.

"Marrying you is the best present I could ever get. So, will you marry me?"

"Yes," you giggle and hold your hand out.

As soon as Spencer slides the ring onto your finger, you pull him in for a kiss. Both of you stand and embrace each other. The high you're feeling right now is like none other because you can now start to plan the rest of your life with Spencer by your side. You slide your tongue into his mouth only to pull away seconds later.

"Is this why you and Derek have been acting weird?"

"I needed his help," Spencer shrugs shyly.

"I'm gonna be Mrs. Reid," you giggle happily and kiss him once more.

Frank wants nothing more than to go over to your apartment and beat the ever-living shit out of Spencer. No one touches what's his. Clarissa has always said he had a bad temper when things don't go his way and she's been trying to get him to work on thinking before acting out. Frank leans back in his seat and clenches his hands by his side.

Think, Frank, think. Frank could storm into your apartment and steal you away from Spencer, but that would only put the FBI on his ass and ruin everything he's worked so hard for. No, he can't do that. The only other option is to wait and come up with a plan. Frank wants you. It's as simple as the day he first saw you. Big beautiful eyes, such soft and supple skin. You're in every one of his fantasies and he's not going to let someone like Spencer take that away from him.

No, if he's going to separate the two of you, he has to get creative... even if it means punishing himself to do it. Frank grabs his phone and dials the one person who he knows will get him out of this alive.

"Frank, I was wondering when you'd call."

"You knew this day was coming."

"I've been counting down since you gave me one of your kids. Two of them, in fact. Such pretty little girls."

"Yes, I bet they're gorgeous." Frank rolls his eyes. "Listen, I need to cash in my favor."

"What do you need?"

"Let's just say I might be visiting you a lot sooner than I wanted. You know Y/N?"

"Who doesn't? All you do is brag about her."

"Yeah, well, she's engaged now and that just won't do. I think it's about time she finally knows who I am."

"Are you sure about that? You're going to go to prison for a very long time."

"That's where you come in. Are you still as good as they say you are or should I go with someone else?"

"You know I'm the best," the man smirks. "Don't worry. You sort your shit out and I'll make sure your cell will be ready for you when you get here."

Frank smirks and hangs up soon after before watching you and Spencer celebrate on camera. You have no idea what's coming for you...

"Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible." - Thomas A. Kempis

x

Want to be tagged? Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[daisywords]

\

[tackrusso]

show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[love-songs-for-emma]

🗡️👨🏼‍❤️‍👨🏻 🦌🫀

.

.

.

so. john has finally seen mizumono & now receives msgs like this when even mildly prompted

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Devil's Night: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Summary: Halloween makes its way around again, and you and Spencer are preparing for the best holiday (according to Spencer). He keeps you busy with decorating while he makes arrangements of his own, arrangements that will completely change both of your lives for the better.

Season Six Masterlist

Author's Note: I know Devil's Night is usually the night before Halloween, but for the sake of this rewrite, Devil's Night is the weekend before.

x

Derek and Spencer walk back to the group who are all gathered in one of the conference rooms.

"The first time I looked at these victims on the map, none of it made sense. There are seven different victims of various ages, sex, and ethnicity."

"What do you see now?" Rossi asks your boyfriend.

"The first victim, Tommy Proctor, often tells us the most. The first kill inspired our unsub. There are two things I noticed. First of all, his body wasn't found for days. He was buried deep in the building. That often tells us that they know each other. Not to mention it took many botched attempts to burn them because the unsub didn't realize how difficult it is to actually burn a human body."

"Or it's overkill," Hotch says. "He wanted Proctor to suffer the most which definitely makes it personal."

"If he knew the first victim, there's a good chance he knew them all. We just have to find out how."

"We can start by talking to Tony Torrell's wife."

Kristy came to the fire department as soon as she got the call from Rossi. Her grief is so strong that it washes over you and clings to your skin like a cashmere sweater. Rossi might have called her in but he wants you to talk to her since you'll be able to connect with her more than he can. You knock twice on the door and enter the otherwise empty office, holding the file of her husband in your hand.

"Hi. How are you doing?"

"Fine, I guess. I'm here to see Agent Rossi."

"Agent Rossi won't be joining us. He sent me instead. I'm Agent Y/N."

"Oh, I'm Kristy Torrell. Uh... My husband Tony was killed last night," she mutters.

Don't react. Don't let her know that I want to cry just as much as she does.

"I know. I am so sorry for your loss. May I sit down?"

"Sure." You take the seat across from her. "Are you working on his case?"

"Yes."

"Is there a picture of him in your folder? I want to see him."

"Kristy, your husband was very badly burned. I don't think that's a good idea. You don't want to remember him this way. Trust me."

"Wait, what do you mean he was burned?" she asks with tears in her eyes.

"The person who did this uses fire as a weapon."

"Was Tony set on fire... alive?"

You shift uncomfortably. "We don't know that--"

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God, this can't be happening." Her panic is rubbing off of you in a not-so-good way. She wraps her arms around herself and cries. "Ohh... Next week was our anniversary."

"I'm so sorry," you whisper with tears of your own.

You don't let them fall because he is not yours to cry over.

"Are you married?"

"No, I'm not but I have been with my boyfriend for four years. I know what it's like to have someone to lose. I know it's hard but anything you can tell us will help us catch the guy who did this. I want to try something that might help us find him."

"I'll do anything," she sniffles.

You look at the window and see Rossi standing outside of it, watching you and Kristy.

"I want you to close your eyes and relax. I want to walk you through an exercise that's going to help you recall everything that happened last night."

"What, like hypnosis?"

"No. I am a psychic and whether you believe in that sort of thing or not, I am very good at my job. I need you to trust that I am doing everything in my power to find this man."

"Okay," she nods and closes her eyes.

"Think about last night. You and Tony went to the Halloween Festival in Greektown. What time was it?"

"Around nine-thirty."

"Was it crowded?"

"Yes. Uh, there were drums and loud music. Some people wore costumes. Tony and I went to the festival every year. We actually met there when we were in high school. This year we decided not to dress up."

She gasps suddenly.

"What is it?"

"A kid dressed in a mask jumped out and scared me. It made Tony laugh."

"What type of mask?"

"Round like a baby."

You can see it now. Kristy and Tony walk through a very crowded area. Most people are wearing costumes and minding their own business, either laughing with one another or shopping at the small booths littered on the sides of the street. Some people are wearing large paper mache heads and others are wearing skull heads. Almost everyone is wearing masks that conceal their identities.

"Okay, what do you see next?" you ask.

"Fire. They were grilling lamb, and people were cheering."

A glimpse of someone wearing a red devil's mask walks past Tony and Kristy. They gesture to the food but Tony shakes his head, not wanting to eat the lamb. They separate and he goes to another food vendor. Kristy picks up the menu and looks at what they offer.

"Do you remember anyone in the crowd, anyone who didn't fit in?"

"No, but to be honest, I was already looking at the menu."

"When you love someone and they step away, there's an instinctive response to glance up to make sure that they're still there. I think you did that last night even if you don't remember. Try to think about what you did next."

"I placed my order. I got the pyro."

"Kristy, where is Tony?"

Kristy looks up from the vendor and notices Tony sitting a few yards away outside the vendor that he wanted food from. Right behind him is a man sitting there eyeing Tony like he has bad intentions. The unsub.

"He's at the Mexican restaurant."

"Is there someone around him?"

"Yes, but I can't really make out his face."

"What about his body? Is it young? Is it old?"

"Twenty-five maybe? Wait. He's wearing a mask."

The man turns his face, giving you a better view of it. It's still hard to see the man's features but you can tell something isn't right.

"Like the baby mask you saw?"

"No, it only covers one side of his face. His ear is gone. He's... He's a black man. I'm sorry, are you done? I don't think I can remember anything else."

"No, you did so well. You actually helped even though it might not feel like it. Again, I am so sorry for your loss."

"I hope you hold onto your special someone and never let him go."

You don't respond to that and rejoin the rest of the group. You explain to them what you and Kristy talked about, and Chief Al doesn't look like he believes it. If the unsub looked like he had a mask on but didn't, then he must have been burned.

"You make him sound like he's Freddy Krueger or something," he scoffs.

"No, but I think he's severely burned. It explains why he chose this time of the year. He doesn't have to hide his scars."

"What about his victims?"

"He's punishing them for wronging him."

"Wronging him? What about his second victim? Have you looked at Josephine's life? She was the nicest woman in the world. How did she wrong this guy?"

"He's had interactions with all of his victims, some more personal than others. It might not seem like much but anything can set this guy off," you say.

"So, he's acting out of revenge? Kristy and Tony didn't even speak to him."

"Maybe not that night but they did at some point in the past."

"Now, wait a minute. Josephine was abducted from her husband. Tony was abducted from his wife. These couples might represent the happiness he wants or has lost. He's a young guy with a deformity. Major insecurities come with that," Derek says. "A trauma like that would be devastating for him and anyone in his life."

"Do you know how rare it is for an arsonist to be a burn victim?" Al asks.

"Less than three-point-five percent," Spencer answers.

"Al, this guy isn't an arsonist. He's a serial killer who uses fire, and that choice of weapon tells us that he's aggressive, driven, and destructive just like fire itself."

"Why would someone so controlling choose the most unpredictable weapon?" Emily wonders.

"This juxtaposition tells us there's more going on with him than we realize. He's probably experienced some kind of loss these past few years that started him down this path. We should look at accidents where couples were burned."

"We're talking about hundreds of fires," Al points out.

"Focus on the ones where gasoline was the accelerant."

Derek's phone rings and he takes the call off to the side.

"Leaving his victims in the heart of Rivertown, in the center of these buildings themselves, may be subconscious on his part, but it says that this affected his very core."

"Alright, hold on." Derek rejoins the group. "Someone else has just been abducted."

"How do we know this is our guy?" Al asks.

"Because his daughter said a monster took her daddy away."

You call Penelope and ask her to gather as much information as she can on the man who was abducted, and she comes through quickly.

"The victim's name is Christopher Edwards. He's thirty-five. He lives in Birmingham."

"How far is that from the Rivertown District?" Hotch asks.

"Not more than forty minutes," Al answers. "He might already be inside."

"Let's lock it down. We'll trap him."

"I'm going down there."

"I'll go with you. Garcia, have Detroit PD set up roadblocks."

"Got it." Hotch and Al leave the station. "Chris is a husband, a father, and a general contractor."

"Check any subcontractors who've worked with him."

"That is a humungous list. What do you want me to do with it?"

"Only look at anything that requires flames like plumbers, electricians, and welders. Did he fire a welder recently?" Rossi asks.

Penelope delves deeper into Chris' life.

"He used Vinnie's Welding and Fence recently, but he hasn't hired them back in months. I have a list of employees but it's still a lofty handful."

"We think he's been following the investigation. Look at volunteers with Detroit's finest."

"Nothing."

"Come on, baby girl, keep checking. There's gotta be a connection here," Derek says.

"Okay, I'm going to long-shot it and cross the Michigan Business Directory with the payroll company and see if I still got what it takes to find stuff." She pauses. "I do. His name's Kaman Scott."

"Do you have an address?"

"I'm working on that." Again, she pauses for a moment or two. "Okay, from the look of Kaman's early years, he was on a fast track to be some kind of hoodlum bad boy super convict. Something happened in 2004 that made him change his evil tune because there were no arrests, there were no suspicions, and there were no signs of rehab."

"Has he ever been arrested with a man named Tommy Proctor?" Spencer asks.

"Once in 2002... Yikes. They collided again in 2005, like literally collided. Kaman was in an accident and his car blew up."

"There's your gas accelerant."

"He was hit by Tommy."

"There's your revenge," you say. "I bet Tommy walked away without a scratch and Kaman suffers third-degree burns, has a boatload of skin grafts, was in a coma for a couple of months, and lost his apartment."

"Tony Torrell was his landlord."

"We were right. He has a revenge list," Rossi says.

"What about family, friends, and acquaintances?"

"No, Kaman is a lone wolf, and his address just came up. Big bad lives at 5923 Mills Ave."

x

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[fairytales-and-folklore]

Chapter 6: Photographs

Abbie wakes to find that an ice pick has been shoved into her temple…or so it feels like. She's running on little more than two hours of sleep, and the massive wine hangover from the night before isn't helping. Rolling over onto her stomach and squinting up at her alarm clock through half-lidded eyes and a mess of dark brown hair, Abbie feels a jolt of panic twist its way through her chest. She'd slept through her morning alarm. Again. Irving is going to kill her…especially when he finds out why. It'll be pretty hard to hide, after all…she's got late night drinking written all over her, and she feels like absolute death.

Abbie rips off the covers, hissing as a frigid gust of air washes over her exposed skin, and vaults out of bed, swaying a bit at the sudden head rush. She makes record timing with a three-minute shower, pulls her towel-dried hair into a taut bun, and slips into her uniform as quickly as she can manage with all of its complicated buttons, badges, and embellishments. At the very least, she thinks with a bitter fondness, years of working in the force and having to leave her home at a moment's notice to take on a call have pushed her into a habitual morning routine. Case in point: Abbie knows how to rush.

She's just heading out of her bedroom when she spots Ichabod's hunched figure perched along the edge of the couch, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he pokes at the touchscreen of Abbie's new phone.

"Whoah, whoah, whoah, Crane," she says, a little harsher than she means to. "What did I tell you about touching stuff that isn't yours?"

Ichabod twitches and nearly drops the phone, locking eyes with Abbie for a brief moment before immediately looking away, a faint pink blush creeping across the tips of his ears. In one swift, graceful motion, he's standing before her with ramrod-straight posture, clutching the phone in his palm and fidgeting as he casts his eyes downward.

"Lieutenant," he says, a little breathless. "I apologize for the intrusion into your personal affairs. I was merely waiting for you to be finished with your morning routine, and I must admit that I grew rather bored, and, well…curious. I thought it wise to continue broadening my knowledge of the modern world by acquainting myself with your…what is it you call this contraption, a smartphone? I must confess that I still understand very little of its inner workings, and much less of its intended purpose."

"Inner wo—" Abbie pauses, shaking her head and reminding herself to breathe. She squeezes her eyes shut and pinches the bridge of her nose, hoping to stave off the migraine that's brewing just under the surface of her pulsating hangover headache. Even the thought of a hot, fresh-brewed cup of coffee is making her sick.

"Crane," she continues, as calmly as she can manage, "tell me you didn't try to break open my phone."

"No, of course not! Or at least, I was unsuccessful in doing so. In spite of its fragile, polished glass surface, (speaking of which, were those marks and scratches there before? I cannot, for the life of me, remember,) the little rectangular machine appears to be rather air-tight, so I suppose your precious smartphone holds up quite well in that category," he says, and that supercilious, self-satisfied little smirk is enough to make Abbie's blood boil.

"Okay, that's it," she says, marching over to the couch and snatching the phone out of Crane's hands. "Curiosity aside, I need you to not mess with my stuff. Like it isn't enough that you live under my roof completely rent-free, eat my food, and deplete my paychecks, but now you can't even follow a simple request?"

Ichabod's expression crumbles instantly as he splutters out a hasty apology, but Abbie cuts him off with a sharp gesture of her hand. 

"Don't even. Just…go downstairs and wait for me by the car. I need to make sure you didn't break anything."

Ichabod opens his mouth to attempt another apology, catches a warning glare from Abbie, and then promptly closes it, shoulders slumped in defeat as he withdraws from the room. Sparing no time for guilt or sympathy, Abbie sighs and flops down onto one of the couch cushions, scrubbing off the streaks of oily fingerprints from the touchscreen with the hem of her shirt and sliding the little bar to unlock her phone. Abbie breathes a sigh of relief when she realizes that the only thing Crane had managed to do (besides embed a few irreparable scratches into the touchscreen, accidentally switch around the order of her app folders, and then open all of her apps in the process) is take a few accidental selfies with the built-in camera.

Abbie can't help but laugh as she scrolls through the seemingly endless stream of photographs featuring Ichabod's scruffy, bearded face in all of the classic first-time-camera-user poses: blurry shots of the underside of his nose and lips, paired alongside slightly clearer portraits of a very confused and distressed Crane as he unintentionally poses from all sorts of awkward and unflattering angles; and of course, there are the ever-attractive blinded-by-the-flash pictures that make the subject look like they've had one too many vodka shots. Abbie scrolls to the very last photo, surprised to find that it's a crisp, straightforward capture of Crane sitting cross-legged on the couch, one arm angled out to hold the phone in place.

Abbie feels an odd little tug at her heartstrings as the man in the photograph stares back at her with intense, bright blue eyes, his eyebrows arched in delight and fascination, a furtive smile playing around the corners of his lips. It's an expression that Abbie doesn't see very often, and she has come to recognize it as the one he wears whenever he's won a small victory. In spite of everything, she feels a little ball of warmth weave its way through her veins and settle into her ribcage. (Abbie would be lying if she said she deleted any of them, convinced herself that she only kept them on her phone because she wanted to have something embarrassing to hold over Crane's head, should she ever have reason to. And no, of course she doesn't occasionally flip through her photos from time to time and smile at his stupid, handsome face. You see this gun? She is authorized to use it if you are to ever repeat a word of this to anyone.)

When Abbie comes outside, she finds Crane slumped against the passenger's side door, the lower portion of his face tucked underneath the lapels of his jacket to shield himself from the cold, and, as is very likely, to hide his somber, abashed expression from Abbie. Only his eyes are visible from behind his navy blue wall of woolen pea coat comfort and warmth, and they follow Abbie with guarded precision as she makes her way to the car and motions for him to get inside. Feeling a pang of guilt glint through her chest, Abbie turns the key in the ignition, waits for a moment while the heat kicks in, and turns to look at Crane. He's staring straight ahead, pointedly avoiding her gaze, and looking for all the world like a disgruntled little muppet. Abbie does her best not to laugh, or to find it incredibly endearing.

"Hey," she says, her tone as soft and gentle as her throbbing headache will allow. "I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I really don't mean to be like that, I promise, it's just…my head is killing me, and I'm exhausted, and we're running late, and I guess I just got a little annoyed because that phone is brand new and kind of ridiculously expensive, and…anyway, it's really not as big of a deal as I made it out to be. So, again…sorry."

There's a little pocket of silence in which neither of them speak, and then, muffled by his pea coat, Ichabod asks, "Do you think that I am a burden, Miss Mills?"

Abbie sighs and shakes her head, offering him a small, saddened smile, and says, "No. Honestly, in spite of everything, I really do like having you around. It might be a little stressful sometimes, and we might fight and say things we don't mean, but you're not a burden, okay? And I'm sorry if I ever made you think that you are. Are we good?"

Ichabod sneaks a glance at her, cautiously surveying her expression, and then nods once, giving her a small, courteous smile.

"If, by that, you mean, do I accept your apology for shouting at me, then yes, we are good. And I, too, am sorry for disturbing your personal belongings. It was very rude of me. I should have asked."

Abbie smiles and breathes a sigh of relief.

"It's fine. Aside from a few scratches, you didn't actually break anything. And I mean, you had the right idea…it's good to be curious, to want to learn how stuff in this century works, especially something as vital as a phone. Just, you know, maybe with a little more supervision next time," she says, chuckling softly as she pulls out of her driveway and heads down the main road toward the station.

"Agreed," he says, mimicking her expression.

"And, hey, if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask, okay? I know how difficult it must be for you, adjusting to everything, so…I'm here to help you out, as much as I can."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he says, and then adds, "I did, in fact, have one question concerning one of the apparatuses—"

"Applications."

"…applications of this smartphone."

"Okay, shoot."

Ichabod pauses for a moment, mulling over the proper phrasing in his head, before inquiring, "How does the magic little man inside the plastic box paint the portraits so quickly, and with such realistic attention to detail?"

Abbie can't help it. Before she can stop herself, she lets loose a loud, bellowing laugh that travels all the way down to her stomach and leaves her feeling lightheaded. Ichabod pulls a face, crossing his arms over his chest in a disgruntled huff.

"I'm sorry," she giggles. "I really am, it's just…how do you even come up with half the stuff you say, Crane? I'd love to live inside your head for a day."

"I thought, perhaps—" he tries, clearly agitated.

"No, look, it's okay…to be honest, I'm not even entirely sure how it works, either. Something to do with certain chemicals and metals reacting to light exposure, or something like that. Truth is, I don't know much more than you do when it comes to the way most things work. Phone signals, the internet, computers…washing machines? All powered by electricity and chemical reactions, but that's as far as my knowledge on the subject goes…and it's the same for most people around here. Funny how we rely on so much that we don't actually understand. All I can tell you is that it's definitely not running on magic."

Ichabod tilts his head to the side, contemplating what Abbie had just told him.

"You most certainly would not want to live inside my head for a day," he says after a few minutes, an impish smile spreading across his lips. "It's rather dusty."

Abbie fights back a smile, taking one hand off the steering wheel to playfully swat at his arm. Ichabod feigns offense, cradling his arm against his chest as if it were wounded, and smiles to himself, pleased that he is once again capable of making her laugh, and that all is well between the two of them again…except…Crane can't help the little sliver of doubt and confusion that needles at him from the back of his mind. As they sit in quasi-comfortable silence, Ichabod toys with just outright asking Abbie what that sweet, simple kiss last night had meant, if it had meant anything at all, otherwise he'll only continue playing host to several more sleepless nights. He shifts closer to her in his seat and leans across the armrest, tugging on the seatbelt that's suddenly become too constricting against his chest. The small patch of skin just below his cheekbone burns underneath an enveloping blush.

"Miss Mills," he hesitates, clearing his throat of its sudden tightness. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

Abbie hums softly in fond recollection, taking her eyes off the road for just a moment to stare at him.

"Mmm, of course I do. And it would appear that you are fishing for compliments, so I suppose, under the circumstances, I'm entitled to oblige," she says slowly, a wry smile creeping onto her lips. "Let's see…you made an absolutely gorgeous meal for the both of us, brought home my favorite kind of wine, which I then proceeded to drink a lot of…and then I woke up this morning with a killer hangover because of said wine. Oh, and I'm pretty sure you talked me into a coma…which, sadly, only lasted about two hours before I had to get up for work. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty awesome night."

"And that is…all that you remember happening?"

"Why? What did you do?" Abbie asks with playful accusation.

"I've done nothing!" Ichabod scoffs, suddenly flustered. "Why must everything I do automatically be at fault, my actions and thoughts and feelings subject to interrogation?"

An awkward silence settles into the atmosphere, and Ichabod realizes that he might have gone too far, his inward conflictions escaping his mouth without his express permission. He covers his lips with his hands in the hopes that he might swallow them back up. Abbie arches an eyebrow and leans in toward him, her shoulder lightly brushing against his arm, which only serves to make matters worse.

"Crane," she says, her voice laced with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"I am fine, Lieutenant. Perfectly at ease," he lies. Abbie frowns.

"Okay, if you say so. Didn't mean to offend. Just, you know, you did scratch the hell out of my phone, so a girl is entitled to worry a little bit about the state of her apartment if she's got a drunken soldier from the 1700's cavorting about. But, to answer your question, no, I don't remember anything else. Why, should I? Did I miss something good?"

Ichabod pauses, choosing his words with care.

"I…am not entirely certain. I do not believe that I am meant to take it as such, as it would stir conflict. Enlightening would be a better word," he decides, relaxing marginally as he shifts back over to the passenger's side window and presses his forehead against the glass, grateful for the contrast in temperature as it cools his flushed skin.

Abbie narrows her eyes at him for a moment, scrutinizing his expression for a hint of something, anything that might give her insight to that infuriatingly cryptic response. But it's way too fucking early, and Abbie is dead tired and in no mood whatsoever to play detective, so she decides to let it go, stores it in the back of her mind for later contemplation. Abbie can't pretend to understand the inner workings of that convoluted mind of his, and right now, with everything that's going on in her life, she can't afford to waste time or put effort into trying. For right now, they've got work to do.

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You Always Want What You're Running From

Sleepy Hollow » Ichabbie

Title: You Always Want What You're Running From

Author: fairytalesandfolklore

Fandom: Sleepy Hollow (Masterlist)

Relationship: Abbie Mills x Ichabod Crane

AO3 Rating: Mature (a complete collection of author's notes, inspiration credits, content warnings and tags can be found on AO3)

Summary: When Abbie invites Ichabod to come live with her, the last thing she expects is for him to start feeling like home.

She'll tell herself, over and over again like a mantra, that it's because she feels indebted to him, that she feels bad for him, that it'll make their casework much easier if she can keep a constant eye on him, that it's convenient.  But really, it's because, in spite of everything, in spite of an impending apocalypse that only they, the unwilling witnesses, can prevent, he keeps her grounded, keeps her sane. For reasons she can't explain, she trusts him.  She hasn't trusted anyone like this since Corbin…and now, Crane is all she has left. In his company, she feels secure. Protected. Cared for. They've only known each other for a short while, and yet…Crane's company feels like home. Besides…how bad could living with a man from the 1700's truly be?

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