#she also hung out with the band at the hotel bar because they stayed at the same hotel

[excelsior9173]

song of the day time! exie is in their feels

this album came out when i was 5 and i have loved it ever since. this song in particular is in tribute to the band’s late singer, michael hutchence. it always hits so so so hard

[sundere1181]

Sometimes i feel like there’s important facts of me an my childhood that i jist forget so here are some things that have happened to me that you might consider odd because i love talking abt myself

-when i was four i got run over by a horse drawn carriage transporting horse shit to dump with my amish grandma. I escaped with only a huge ass leg bruise bc she laid on top of me (thanks grandma u a real one 🙏)

-every single year when i was younger it was a tradition to go to the NFR every year and it was also a tradition for me to get sick and miss it every year. One of those times (also when i was four i think) i got croup, woke up in the hotel room unable to breathe, and nearly died. Also my parents waited for this to happen twice before driving me to the hospital. I now have an extreme fear of suffocating

-my dad hung me on a peg by my overalls once because i was being a brat

-this was much more recent but once i had just run in the rodeo and was getting off and my horse spooked for no reason and ping ponged off a bunch of trailers and trucks with my hanging precariously off the side of him. I also escaped that with only a large bruise (this time on my ribs)

-i have fallen off many, many horses. One memorable time was when i fell off one and slid down a fence, hitting my head on every rung, and my parents friend offered me chocolate to make me stop crying (it worked)

-ive been on diners drive ins and dives when i was seven. I said “its so good i just want to keep eating it”.

-my kindergarten teacher tried to convince my mom to put me in counseling bc i was smarter than her and kept correcting her spelling and grammar

-i grew up on an isolated ranch in Wyoming until i was thirteen (my parents were the ranch foremen and very busy and i didnt see them alot) (i used to think i had gone insane)

-we used to be ‘snowbirds’ which means VERY YEAR we would pack up our shit in our truck and car and horse trailer and move to a different state. We lived in wyoming and arizona. In wyoming we had the ranch and our house, but in arizona we stayed in a different house every single year. When we moved to az permanently when i was thirteen we moved around a lot STILL because we couldnt figure out where the fuck we wanted to live. Long story short, im really good at packing my shit and leaving. Also, on one instance of driving across the country, i stayed in the horse trailer the whole time with nothing but a few books, an ipad that died an hour in, and a chocolate milkshake. It was awesome

-the ONE year our ranch had calves, one of them got sick with deadly diarrhea i think. We named her Loretta and i slept the night with her in the scale house once. We buried her right next to where we dumped the horse shit and i found a drowned squirrel in our horses water tub to bury with her. My parents think it was a rat but i knew it was a squirrel

-one time we went to the top of the mountain that we lived right next and was owned by the ranch (we kept the heifers on it) to spread my grandpas ashes and when we got to the bottom i looked up and there was a very sooty looking tornado at the top of the mountain.

-there was this dinner and show thing we used to go to in wyoming called the bar j and we were friends with one of the guys in the band so we sat at the same table everytime. There was a space outside where kids would play and past the “restricted area” was a little stone memorial for a dead couple that i always went to whenever it got too loud.

[rustbeltjessie]

What are your top five memories?

I have been thinking about how to answer this for days. It's a rough question for someone like me who remembers everything. Also, what do you mean by 'top' memories? Happiest memories? Most exciting memories? Memories that have had the most impact on me/that I think about the most?

In any case, I've decided to answer with five memories which I think of quite frequently, with the caveat that if I were to respond on a different day, I might respond differently.

1. December 2002, Philadelphia. A. and I had already checked out of the hotel we’d been staying at for a couple nights, and decided to drive to South Street and get coffees and wander a bit before heading back to Maryland. Only, when we got to her car, she couldn’t find her keys. First we went back to every store and cafe we’d stopped in to see if anyone had found her keys, and no one had, and then she realized...oh shit. She’d accidentally thrown them into a public trash can when throwing out her coffee cup. We searched through some trash cans we thought they might be in, but at that point it had been hours so really we had no idea where they were. We called her mom, cuz her mom had a spare key to her car, but her mom was three hours away and had to work. So we got more coffees, wandered South Street some more, trying to figure out what the fuck we were gonna do; we didn’t have enough money for any hotels that were in walking distance and obviously we couldn’t get into the car to drive elsewhere. And it was cold, windy, slushy streets, December in Philly. Eventually, like, way later, almost night, we ran into a couple of the dudes from Violent Society. They knew A. because she was dating a member of a band they frequently shared a bill with, they bought us coffee and hung with us for a bit and managed to track down an acquaintance who gave us a place to crash for the night, and A.’s mom came to rescue us the next morning.

2. November 2004, Chicago. At the after-party for the premiere of Brushfires, a film inspired by a poem I wrote. Drinking a martini and someone walking up and saying: “Oh. So you’re the poet.”

3. It was October 2007, a couple nights before Hallowmas. I was in NYC staying with my ladyfriend. We had been stumbling drunkenly across the Lower East Side, stopping into bar after bar, searching for a bar we had been to back in February and vowed we’d find again. We didn’t find that bar, but we did come across one that was pretty alright, not too crowded, good deals on drinks, a photobooth in the back & a good jukebox. As we were waiting for our whiskies up at the bar, a fella started talking to me. It was quite obvious from the get-go that he was hitting on me, and I wasn’t interested, but he seemed harmless enough, so I didn’t outright tell him to fuck off. He was skinny, wearing a black leather jacket & black jeans; I guessed he was probably in his mid-40s to early-50s, but his face was worn from years of hard living so it was difficult to tell for sure. He was also very very drunk, drunker than me n’ my girl were, even. He was swaying, slurring his words, drinking his beer straight from the pitcher. And I noticed his boots - they were these fuckin’ fabulous pointed-toe black-leather motorcycle/cowboy boot hybrid things, with chains wrapped around ‘em. My first mistake was saying: Hey man, cool boots. The way he acted when I told him I dug his boots, you’d think I professed undying love or something. We finally managed to shake him for a bit, and I headed over to the juke. I put a couple bucks in, enough for five songs. My second mistake was that one of the songs I played was by The Gun Club. “Sex Beat.” But there’s no way I could have known. When the song came on, and the drunken fella noticed me singing along and realized I played it, he rushed over to our table and started chattering wildly: I can’t believe you played The Gun Club! I’m from L.A., I was part of the punk scene there back then, I knew Jeffrey Lee Pierce and all those guys! (At least that was the gist of it, what I could gather from his slurred, staccato speech.) I mean, I did think it was pretty neat he knew poor old Jeffrey Lee, but I still was not interested in him, and at that point he was getting kind of annoying. So I just sorta nodded and didn’t really engage with him. My girl and I went back to our own conversation, and he just kept standing there. He asked if he could sit down with us, we didn’t answer. He stood there, swaying awkwardly for a few more minutes, then, with no warning, leapt over our table and landed quite gracefully on the bench on the other side. We stared at him, mouths open, too surprised to be pissed off. He leaned back, half-sprawled across the bench, sipped his beer. I do this, he slurred, because I am like a cat.

4. New Orleans. September 2008. I was paying for my purchases at Esoterica Occult Goods, and the phone rang. The witch behind the counter picked it up, said Hello?, then slammed it down. -Three months of hangin’ up on that motherfucker, you think he’d get a clue. How come no one ever believes me when I say I don’t want a boyfriend? -No one ever believes me, either. Or they say they’re okay with it, then… -They’re not.

5. Oakland, early 2011. I was hanging out with R., whom I’d only just met, but already had a crush on and was imagining kissing her, but she interrupted my reverie when we reached the empty house with the orange tree in the front yard. –Oooh, oranges, she said, then, looking down at her feet, I’m too short to reach them. So I, suddenly very glad to be a tall girl, swiped a few oranges off the lowest-hanging branch. –Thanks, she said, smiling again.We were only a few blocks away from my apartment, at that point. We exchanged phone numbers, started discussing tentative future hangouts to make a zine together, to see a show at Gilman. We passed the street next to the one I lived on – Oh my god, Frisbie Street, she said. Before I could say anything, she grabbed my hand and started to sing: We were a mess, bloody and half undressed in the shelter of the shadows of the Frisbie Street creek. A canopy of trees and leaves, with us hidden underneath. I joined in: Time rolls over me. Time rushes over me. Why try to run so fast? It still passes you by.

Plus a bonus number six, because I was just thinking of this recently:

6. Autumn 1998. I was in Vancouver with my parents (after just having had a truly life-defining experience in Seattle, but that’s another story for another time). There was this big meal for lawyers that my dad worked with, and I was there, bored out of my skull, until this very drunk Scottish lawyer pegged me as a ‘hip young person’ and we got to talking about music, and he just went on and on about how much he loved Dire Straits. His poor wife was mortified, and kept saying, dear, please leave her alone. And I want to make it clear here that he was in no way hitting on me, he was just a very drunk Scottish man trying to talk about rocknroll, so his wife’s mortification wasn’t like “stop hitting on the jailbait,” it was purely “please stop being a drunk nerd and bothering this poor teenager.” (For the record, I found him hilarious and charming; though I did not share his extreme love for Dire Straits he was the most fun person at that dinner.)

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Zebras Can’t Change Their Stripes: Chapter One

Read it on AO3: Zebras Can’t Change Their Stripes: Chapter One

A whole week had passed since The Breakup, and Luka was still reeling.

“You brought this upon yourself,” he reminded bitterly as he rolled over and found the space on the bed next to him empty and cold.

He kept telling himself, “You broke up with her”, “It was the right thing to do”, and “You couldn’t keep waiting for her to move on. That wasn’t healthy”, but the words never quite sank in.

One week later, he was even more of a mess than when he’d finally gotten the courage to break things off. The pain of being without her, knowing that it was really over, was worse than having her by his side knowing that she was thinking about someone else when she kissed him.

At least before he’d had a place in her heart, even if it was only second.

With a groan, Luka pushed himself up to sitting and grabbed his phone off the nightstand.

There was a text from Juleka berating him for drinking too much, not returning her texts, and taking crap care of himself.

Rose had also sent him a message reminding him about family dinner that Sunday.

Jacob, the bassist from his band Eternal Nocturne, had texted him not to be late for the auditions for a new lead singer that afternoon.

Luka cursed, setting his phone down without replying to anyone. He scrubbed his face with both hands and then forced himself to kick the covers off and get up.

It was already almost noon, and the mature, adult part of his brain knew that he had to get his stuff together. He was twenty-six, and he’d been through breakups before. He would survive this one as well…even though it didn’t feel like it at the moment.

He pushed himself out of bed and began to search around for something clean to wear.

He really needed to do laundry. And the dishes. And the grocery shopping.

Luka winced as he uncovered a lacey pink bra with white polka dots under a pile of jeans that reeked of alcohol and stale bar smell.

He needed to make a breakup box, put all of her leftover things in it, and send it back to her.

His heart sank at that realization, the finality of it.

He put the bra back under the jeans and promised himself he’d deal with it later. When he was feeling better…. Whenever that happened to be.

The important thing just then was to find something that could pass as clean so that he could get to the audition and not let his bandmates down. He was already disappointing himself and his family. He needed to do right by somebody at least.

 Adrien was screwed.

He’d been back in Paris for two days, and, already, his funds were almost entirely used up. He’d found a cheap hostel in Pigalle where he’d been able to shower and get a decent night’s rest without having to worry about anyone bothering him, but he wouldn’t be able to stay there for much longer unless he found work.

That was turning out to be much harder than anticipated. In Paris, people were a lot stricter about having to have valid identification to secure employment. They were also a lot more persnickety about hiring Adrien Agreste, even if it was just to wash dishes, clean hotel rooms, or wait tables.

Maybe he could talk to the owners of the hostel about working the front desk. He’d done that before in Nice and Lyon.

If the situation really got dire, he could always try to find someone like Nino from his past who would be sympathetic and maybe let him sleep on a couch or something until he could get back up on his feet again.

He didn’t want to do that, but it was beginning to look like he had no other choice. It had been four years since his father’s arrest, four years since Adrien lost his family, his fortune, and even the ability to use his own name. He’d thought that maybe people would have cooled off and moved on, that it was safe to come back to Paris, back home…but it wasn’t looking like it so far.

He was starting to think that it had been a mistake to return, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He was tired of roaming the country and scraping by, and he couldn’t go on like that any longer. He wanted to establish roots and make a place for himself. He wanted to feel grounded again.

He was determined to figure things out and make it work, and if that meant going door to door to every restaurant, shop, and hotel in Paris until he found a job, that’s what he was going to do. He was through running away; it was time to settle down and make a life for himself.

He wasn’t sure what that life would look like, but if it included years of hard work, a partner who saw him and not his father’s crimes, some children who inherited his mother’s smile, and a pet or two, Adrien would be content.

He just had to find a job first so that he didn’t end up on the street nicking food out of restaurant dumpsters again.

As he descended the steps into the Métro, a flyer advertising auditions for a lead singer for a band caught Adrien’s eye.

He stopped and studied it, noting that auditions had begun twenty minutes prior at a bar just a few blocks away.

He grabbed the flyer and took off at a jog.

 “No one’s coming,” Jacob grumbled half an hour into the audition time when it became apparent that not a single soul was going to show up.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Josie the drummer agreed, tipping back on her barstool so that it balanced precariously on two legs. “So, what are we going to do without a vocalist?”

“Yeah, we’ve got that gig coming up this weekend,” Jacob reminded, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip.

Josie and Jacob both looked to Marc—guitarist, keyboardist, and the band’s unofficial leader/mum.

“Josephine, don’t do that; you’re going to fall,” Marc sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “…I mean, I can cover lead for one night.”

“Who’s going to do your backup vocals, then,” Josie demanded, setting her stool legs back on the ground.

“Luka can,” Marc informed.

Jacob snorted. “Luka’s drunk.”

“Luka is not drunk,” Marc growled defensively. “He knows better than to show up drunk. He’s just hung over, isn’t that right, Luc?”

“Yes, and I’m nursing a killer headache, so if we could take the volume of the talking down a few decibels, it would be greatly appreciated,” Luka groaned, pulling his newsboy cap down a little further to shield his eyes from the bright light emanating from the stage where the people auditioning were supposed to be performing.

“And who’s going to do Luka’s backup vocals?” Josie persisted, lowering her voice out of consideration for Luka.

“I don’t know. Jacob?” Marc suggested uncertainly.

Josie let out a bark of laughter. “Jacob can’t walk and talk at the same time. How is he supposed to play and sing?”

“Josie,” Marc scolded. “Be nice.”

“No, she’s got a point,” Jacob cut in. “I’ve walked into poles before because I didn’t see them because I was talking to someone. Multitasking really isn’t my strong suit.”

Marc opened his mouth to reply, paused to consider his words, and then shut his mouth.

“Excuse me?” a new voice called out.

The band turned their heads to find a thin, scraggly young man standing in the doorway.

He had scruffy, wild blonde hair and piercing peridot eyes, and it was impossible to say how old he was exactly. He looked young, but he had one of those ageless faces that could have just as easily been twenty as forty. His clothes had been expensive, good quality when they were new, but now they were well-worn and showing their age.

“Are auditions over already?” he inquired, taking a tentative step into the bar.

The door closed behind him, and now that he wasn’t backlit by the daylight pouring in from outside, Luka could see him clearly.

His eyes widened as he recognized his former crush whom he hadn’t seen in four long years.

“No, we’re still going,” Jacob informed.

“You here to try out, Kid?” Josie asked with a big smile, turning on her stool to face him.

Adrien nodded, holding up the flyer in his hand. “I just learned about the audition, like, ten minutes ago, so I don’t have anything prepared in advance, but I’m a good singer with a pretty expansive range. I’m a quick study too, so, if you teach me, I’ll pick up your songs right away.”

“All right,” Marc agreed with a grin. “Go ahead and take the stage, and we’ll see what you’ve got. What’s your name?”

“Émile,” Adrien responded with a smile as he took his spot in front of the microphone. “Émile Dupain.”

Luka frowned.

Surely, he wasn’t mistaken. The years had changed Adrien, yes, but he wasn’t that different. Luka knew that face, those eyes, that smile.

“Nice to meet you, Émile,” Marc greeted amicably. “I’m Marc. I play keyboard and some guitar depending on the song. I also do backup vocals.”

“I’m Josie. Percussion,” Josie took over. “This idiot is Jacob, our bassist,”

Jacob gamely raised a hand. “Sup.”

“and Mr. Doom and Gloom over there is Luc,” Josie completed the introductions. “He plays guitar and does backup vocals. Ignore him for right now. He just broke up with his girlfriend, so he’s kind of in a funk. Normally, he’s the nicest person, so give him another week and you’ll be best friends.”

“Thank you for broadcasting all that, Josie,” Luka grumbled as he waved at Adrien, just waiting for him to recognize Luka.

He worried that if Adrien were trying to conceal his identity, he wouldn’t appreciate the reunion, but a part of Luka hoped that Adrien would be excited to see him again. Luka was certainly happy to see Adrien.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Adrien replied, friendly expression not changing in the slightest. “What kind of music do you guys usually play?”

Luka fought down a tsunami of disappointment at Adrien not seeming to recognize him.

“Usually alternative or punk,” Marc supplied, not appearing to notice the way Luka slumped in his chair. “We mostly do covers, but we have our own songs too. Our next show is Saturday, but we’ll just be doing covers for that one, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to get up to speed if we decide to hire you.”

Adrien nodded. “Sounds good. I’m a hard worker, so I’ll get the music memorized right away and be ready for the show.”

“Have you ever been in a band before, Émile?” Josie inquired curiously.

“Yes,” Adrien answered with confidence. “I’m a little out of practice at the moment, but I played keyboard and did a little bit of backup vocals.”

“What kind of band was it?” Marc asked.

“Uh…the genre’s called kawaiicore, if you’ve heard of it,” Adrien informed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Jacob’s forehead furrowed in concentration as he tried to recall. “It sounds familiar, but I’m coming up blank. What’s kawaiicore?”

“You know when I showed you Babymetal?” Luka reminded.

Jacob’s face lit up, and Josie started to nod too.

“Like Kitty Section!” Jacob exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Adrien perked up. “That’s—”

He cut himself off and went pale when he realized that telling them that he had been the keyboardist in Kitty Section was just as good as revealing his identity.

“That’s right,” Adrien completed. “Like Kitty Section. I can do other genres, though. I can sing anything: musical theatre, opera, jazz, pop—whatever.”

“So, what will you be singing for us today?” Marc prompted, very interested in seeing what Adrien would come up with.

“Well, I’ve kind of been living under a rock lately, so I’m not exactly up on what’s popular now,” Adrien hedged. “I mostly listen to music in Japanese, so maybe I could just sing something so that you can see if my voice is a good fit for you guys, and then you can give me a list of songs you usually do so that I can memorize them.”

“Sounds fair,” Josie replied with a shrug. “So, what are you going to sing?”

Adrien bit his lip and took a deep breath, scanning his mind for a song that would show off his abilities.

“Do you know Charles?” Luka spoke up. “That was popular a couple years ago. If you know that one, I could play the guitar part along with you.”

Adrien had been the one to introduce the song to Luka, and they’d played it together with Kitty Section with Adrien doing the main vocals. Luka still played that song from time to time when he was feeling nostalgic.

On stage, Adrien’s eyes widened in surprise. “Uh…yeah. Yeah, I know Charles. It’s one of my favourites. You wouldn’t mind?”

He narrowed his eyes, trying to get a better look at Luka’s facial features, but the hat blocked Adrien’s view, and it was difficult to discern Luka’s face clearly in the dim lighting of the bar when contrasted with the blinding lights on stage.

“I’d be happy to,” Luka assured, reaching down to grab his guitar off of the amp where it lay.

“Thank you,” Adrien replied with a big smile that made Luka positive that he hadn’t been mistaken about “Émile’s” identity. “Ready when you are.”

Luka counted them in and began to play.

Adrien blew the band away with his vocals. His voice was smooth and lyrical, gliding over the notes like a swan across a pond.

“He has really clear intonation,” Marc hummed softly in approval to his bandmates after listening to Adrien sing for a bit.

“And he wasn’t lying about his range,” Josie chuckled as she drummed out the rhythm on her thighs and danced in her seat.

“I certainly can’t hit those notes,” Jacob laughed.

“Neither can I,” Josie snorted. “Well, maybe on a good day, but not the way he does. He just shoots all the way up there and drops back down again like it’s nothing.”

“It’s so clean too,” Marc added. “His voice doesn’t crack or squeak or waver or anything. He hits those notes dead center, and then he stays there until it’s time to move to the next note.”

“I think we struck gold,” Jacob snickered.

“He’s super cute too.” Josie smirked deviously. “He’s sure to attract a crowd. We just need to put some eyeliner on him and get him in leather pants, and—”

“—Distracting me,” Luka hissed quietly so that he wouldn’t interrupt Adrien.

Jacob waggled his eyebrows as he whispered, “What? Imagining Émile in leather pants?”

“Jacques,” Luka warned testily.

“He’s totally your type, though,” Josie joined in helpfully. “I think a new romance is just the thing to get you over your breakup.”

“Jacob, Josephine,” Marc called quietly but firmly. “Leave him alone.”

Josie and Jacob both held up their hands in a placating gesture and let the subject drop.

Luka redoubled his focus on his fingers, trying to banish the thought of Chat Noir from his mind.

“Waraiatte sayonara,” Adrien finished softly and then looked to the band for their judgment call.

Jacob started clapping, and Josie wolf-whistled.

“Can we do that song sometime?” Jacob directed at Marc. “I bet the bass part is killer.”

“Yeah!” Josie cheered. “I can’t wait to get my drumsticks on that.”

“I don’t see why we couldn’t,” Marc agreed and then turned back to Adrien with a smile. “You really can sing. That was great.”

“You think so?” Adrien asked with a breathless giddiness, starting to squirm in excitement.

“Definitely,” Luka assured. “You sing like an angel.”

“Make him sing something else,” Josie demanded of Marc who had the grace to blush.

“Josephine, I can’t just make him sing for us,” he sighed and then looked to Adrien. “Would you mind singing something else?”

“Not at all,” Adrien easily agreed, eager to please.

He needed the job desperately, and if he could get paid just for singing, that was certainly easier than anything else he’d done for money the past four years.

“Um…let me think of something else I could sing for you,” he mumbled, chewing on his lip as he wracked his thoughts.

“…Do you know Ranbu no Melody?” Luka suggested. “That’s another one I could play along with you, if you’re familiar with it. I only know the minute and a half that was used as the Bleach opening theme song, though.”

“Yeah, I think I remember how that version goes,” Adrien fibbed.

Luka and Adrien had watched portions of Bleach together, and Adrien had sung along with all of the openings. If Luka still remembered the guitar part, surely, Adrien remembered the lyrics.

Luka counted them in again, and Adrien proved not to have forgotten at all. He sang with every ounce of confidence and enthusiasm that he had back when they’d been teenagers watching anime together.

It was reassuring for Luka to know that, even though Adrien might have changed in the years they’d been apart, there were some things that remained the same.

“How do you know all this weeb music, Luka?” Jacob wondered.

“The Boy was a total anime nerd,” Luka explained with an affectionate smile.

Jacob and Josie let out soft “Oooooh”s and started to nod.

The Boy was practically a mythical figure at this point in their friendship. Luka had talked a lot about The Boy over the years, just like he’d talked a lot about The Girl. Luka had dated many people and loved a small handful, but no one had penetrated so deeply into Luka’s heart as Adrien and Marinette.

“…He’s really good,” Marc observed, visibly delighted as he listened to Adrien. “He puts a lot of emotion into his voice, and I am loving it.”

“Yeah,” Jacob chimed in. “I have no idea what the hell he’s saying, but I feel it, Man. It’s intense.”

Luka’s smile turned melancholy as he remarked, “If I remember correctly, the song is about soldiering on and taking on whatever difficulty is in front of you and then carrying those experiences forward to present them to the person you want to spend your life with. It’s kind of like…we’re the sum of our experiences, and the singer hopes that the person they love will accept them anyway, even though they’ve got cracks and jagged edges in places.”

“Wow,” Josie whispered. “That’s…deep.”

“That’s what I got out of it, anyway,” Luka quickly added. “The Boy translated it into French for me, and then I kind of interpreted it artistically, taking some liberties, but that’s what I got out of it.”

“I like this song,” Jacob decided, tapping his foot along. “I like this kid.”

“We’re adopting him,” Josie decreed.

“Yeah.” Jacob nodded resolutely. “I need to get him to show me more weeb music. I feel like I’ve been missing out.”

“Wooo!!!” Josie cheered loudly as Adrien finished. “We love you!”

“Sing more!” Jacob encouraged as he clapped.

A blush spread across Adrien’s cheeks like fire catching on dried grass.

He rubbed at the back of his neck and looked to Marc for instruction, sensing that Marc was the leader of their little circus.

“I think it would be good if we all played something together to see if we mesh well as a band,” Marc decided. “Would that be okay with you, Émile?”

Adrien nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, of course.”

Jacob turned to Luka. “What song does he know that we could all play?”

Luka shrank, semi-hiding behind his guitar. “Why are you asking me?”

“You did the psychic thing with the songs in Japanese,” Jacob reasoned with a shrug. “Do it again.”

“Yeah,” Josie urged, reaching across Marc to poke Luka. “Do it.”

“I don’t know,” Luka grumbled. “How about This is Gospel? We play that one sometimes.”

And he had taught Adrien how to play it on guitar, so maybe Adrien remembered the lyrics.

“I know that one,” Adrien offered.

“Awesome!” Josie trilled, jumping down from her stool and heading over to the stage to join Adrien.

Once she reached him, she pulled him into a crushing hug.

It was kind of cute. Josie was a statuesque six-foot-two, and Adrien was only five-eight. (Five-ten with shoes on, he used to always insist, sensitive about his lack of height.)

“Hi. We’re adopting you,” Josie informed him as she pulled back with a grin and then abruptly turned on her heel and headed for her drum set.

Marc shook his head, getting up and making his way to the stage to turn on his keyboard.

“Josephine, don’t scare the poor kid,” he chastised wearily.

“I’m not!” she insisted. “I’m being friendly!”

Marc placed a hand on Adrien’s shoulder as he passed, assuring, “She means well. If we ever make you uncomfortable, just say something, okay?”

“It’s fine,” Adrien assured, wiping at the tears beading at the corners of his eyes, hoping that Marc couldn’t see. “I’m just…I’m not used to people being so friendly. I don’t…people don’t hug me. Ever.”

Marc frowned at that, his mum senses kicking in. “Do you like being hugged?”

Adrien nodded.

“Okay then.” Marc didn’t even hesitate as he pulled Adrien in for a hug—not a guy hug with a pat on the back, but an honest to goodness hug.

He pulled back with a smile, instructing, “Just let us know whenever you want a hug, okay? You’re family now. Family get hugs whenever.”

Adrien had to actually bite his tongue to hold in a whimper. He couldn’t find his voice to reply, so he nodded and rubbed away the tears that were quickly taking the previous ones’ place.

“I’ll give you a hug in a minute, Kid,” Jacob assured, picking up his bass. “I’m just lazy, and I’m already set up over here.”

“Same,” Luka latched onto Jacob’s excuse, figuring that now wasn’t the best time for a reunion with Adrien.

Josie counted them in and started the heartbeat-like rhythm that began the song.

Adrien took a deep breath and sang.

The full sound of the band all playing together resonated powerfully through the bar, giving Adrien chills.

It wasn’t perfect. The timing was a little off in places, and Adrien needed to learn his cues if he was going to sync up with the others. They needed to work out the backup vocals and other little things to make the performance come out smooth, but they were starting in a good place. They could polish this up and make it shine.

It felt good to be playing with a band again. Adrien hadn’t realized how much he’d missed making music with others, being a part of a team.

He’d been so alone these past four years.

Partly that was his own fault. He’d run away both literally and figuratively and shut people out who otherwise would have been there for him. He’d let pride and shame and fear of rejection win…and now he was finally realizing how exhausting it had been.

Now that these nice people were opening up to him and accepting him into their little family, it finally dawned upon Adrien that he’d been foolish to try to make it on his own for so long. He hadn’t realized how draining it had been until he’d been offered the chance to rest.

He needed to call Nino and reconnect.

He needed to find Marinette and apologize for giving up his Miraculous and taking off because he’d been overwhelmed after his father’s arrest and hadn’t felt worthy of being Chat Noir.

He needed to fix things, fix his life.

As the song came to an end, a feeling of calm and peace settled over Adrien.

He was still broke and not sure where his next meal was coming from or if he’d have a roof over his head in the intervening days between now and the show on Saturday when he’d presumably get paid, but, oddly enough, he felt a little better about things.

“We killed that,” Jacob preened as he set down his bass and went over to join the others on stage. “Excellent work, Kid,” he announced, pulling Adrien into a hug.

“I’m guessing I got the job?” Adrien hazarded a guess, looking around at his bandmates for confirmation.

“Oh, definitely,” Josie assured. “You know that one meme? ‘I’ve only known Émile for twenty minutes, but if anything happened to him, I’d kill everyone and then myself.’”

Adrien cracked up, beaming. “I don’t think anyone’s ever felt that strongly about me before.”

“Poor boy. And now he’s stuck with us,” Jacob snickered, giving Adrien’s hair a tussle.

“Let’s exchange contact information so we can get ahold of you,” Marc suggested. “Are you available tomorrow? We’re going to need a lot of rehearsal time between now and Saturday in order to be ready.”

“Yes. I’m available,” Adrien quickly confirmed. “I don’t have a phone, though, so if we could communicate by email, that would be great. I’m le chat de la princesse de la nuit on gmail. All lowercase and run together.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Marc assured, getting out his phone and opening up a new email. “I’ll email you all of our numbers and emails so you can get in touch with us. I’ll email you again later with the place and time. It’ll probably be Phantasmagoria over in the eighth arrondissement. You know it?”

Adrien nodded. “I had a friend whose band played there. He used to sneak me in before I turned eighteen.”

The fond smile on Adrien’s face gave Luka some hope that maybe he was still a good memory for Adrien and that Adrien wouldn’t be too upset when he realized just whose band he had inadvertently joined.

It didn’t occur to Adrien until later to wonder if Luka still played at Phantasmagoria and if Raoul the bartender still worked there and would recognize Adrien.

“Good,” Marc chuckled. “I’m glad you know it. Like I said, I’ll confirm place and time later this afternoon.”

He then turned to Luka. “Hey, Rich Boy. Would you mind picking up a phone for Émile? It’s going to be really inconvenient if we can’t get ahold of him.”

“You don’t have to do to that!” Adrien looked frantically between Marc and Luka. “I’ll-I’ll pay you back when I can. I promise.”

“Don’t worry about it, Angel,” Luka assured with a kind smile as he got up and started to put his guitar away. “My bio dad got hit with a huge dose of guilt a few years ago for never bothering to find out I existed let alone pay child support for me, so I’ve got a ridiculous trust fund that I don’t know what to do with now.”

Adrien’s brow furrowed, and he wanted to protest out of principle, but even he had to acknowledge that it would be really useful to have a phone, and he was too down on his luck to afford one.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it, Luc,” he replied with sincerity.

“Sure thing.” Luka smiled, giving Adrien a wink and doing an internal victory dance when Adrien smiled back at him.

“…Well, I guess if you guys don’t need anything else from me, I’m going to head out,” Adrien excused himself politely, starting to make his way towards the door. “It was lovely meeting you all.”

“You too, Kid!” Jacob assured, and Josie seconded the sentiment.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, Émile.” Marc waved him off. “Be safe.”

Adrien returned the wave and turned to go.

Luka bit his lip, debating with himself.

“What’s that face you’re making?” Josie snickered, coming back to perch on her barstool.

“You should go ask him out to coffee,” Jacob suggested as he came over, making a shooing gesture at Luka.

“Jacob will babysit your stuff for you,” Marc volunteered.

Luka looked to Jacob, and Jacob shrugged.

“We all want you to start feeling better soon,” Josie explained, giving Luka a soft smile. “Spending time with someone new will be good for you.”

“Just don’t come on too strong so that you scare him off,” Marc cautioned. “Don’t do that heart-song stuff. He’s a good kid, and we need him for Saturday.”

Luka rolled his eyes, handing his guitar to Jacob. “Thanks, guys, but this isn’t a romantic thing.”

“Uh-huh,” Josie agreed disingenuously, a cat-that-ate-the-canary smirk pulling at the corners of her lips.

“Have fun,” Jacob snickered.

Luka shook his head, making for the door.

He looked back and forth once he got outside of the bar and just happened to spot Adrien turning the corner.

He raced after him, slowing down as he began to catch up because he figured the last thing Adrien needed was someone he didn’t recognize barreling towards him and making him think he was in danger.

He decelerated into a walk and took a few deep breaths before calling out, “Adrien!”

Adrien froze, every muscle in his back going tense as he slowly turned.

“I’m sorry. I think you’ve confused me with someone el—” he started to say but then stopped short as he got a good look at Luka in the light of day without his cap obscuring the view.

Adrien’s eyes widened, his cheeks lost all colour, and his mouth dropped open.

“Luka?” he breathed, his heart stopping in his chest.

[thorne93]

History Repeats (Part 14)

Prompt: Life’s hard, right? Well throw in a not so great job, a broken heart, and chasing a pipe dream in LA. But could someone come along to make all the bad shit disappear? Or is he just another heartbreak waiting around the bend?

Warnings: language, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, angst/heartbreak, adult themes (??)

Word Count: 2525

Note: Aesthetic made by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo because she’s absolutely amazing Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo . Brainstorming from @carryonmyswansong​

**Song Inspiration: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift; 3AM by Halsey; When The Party’s Over by Billie Eilish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you woke up, you felt like shit, and not because of the drugs and alcohol that only recently vacated your system. You groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. Did you really kick Hayden out? Were you honestly that far gone? 

Yeah, he broke your heart. He wasn’t the first asshole to do it, but he did stick around. Maybe that was because he had to though.

No, you knew better. He had enough money to stay at a hotel, but he stayed with you. He cared about you. It just hurt so bad to not have him any more. You hadn’t said you loved him, not yet, but you did, you loved him with everything you had and he just… broke everything. 

 Maybe you should go apologize.

Pulling yourself out of bed, you slipped on a comfortable shirt and yoga pants before you trodded out to the guest room, Hayden’s room. You knocked on the door before poking your head in. 

Only, there was nothing there. All of his things gone. His suitcases absent. No note, no letter, not even a post-it note. 

A choked sob escaped you. You knew you kicked him out, but you gave him until the next night. He was already gone?

So much for staying. So much for caring. 

No text, no call, no letter. It seemed as if he truly did want to be gone from you. 

Fine. If that’s the way he wanted it… Wish granted. 

------------------------

Months went by and you tried to forget him, tried to turn your pain into art.

Trey worked hard to get your EP ready. You had several tracks that you wanted to feature and he did enjoy your lyrics and tune. He was happy to work with you and the other members of your band to get the sound you wanted. 

By the time the singles were released, you were already becoming a hit. You hit all of the media platforms and your work exploded, sending you soaring to the charts. You weren’t quite topping them yet, but you were definitely being demanded on the radio and your Youtube and Spotify numbers were great, rising all the time. 

As time went on though, your addiction only grew. With Hayden out of your life, the glaring reminders that you lost all your old friends, and none of your old boyfriends seemed to ever love you, there was nothing to stop you from becoming nearly dependent on the drugs and alcohol. 

You’d never been like this in your life, but you’d never been at such an odd time in your life either. On every romantic and personal front, your life was a total flop, a zero sum. But your career, your dream job was finally taking off. The world was your oyster, you were rubbing shoulders with musical big wigs, meeting huge names and musicisinas. 

Between the complete amazement you were in from being discovered and having your heart broken for the last time, you were a mental mess. 

Hayden wasn’t just another guy. Jason was just another guy, just like every ex before him. 

But Hayden, he was different. When you and Jason split up, it wasn’t the man you mourned, but the death of yet another relationship. With Hayden, you missed him, not being together. You missed the light he brought to your life. You missed the way he supported you. You missed the way you two could joke about movies together. You missed how you could act completely goofy and silly and he joined in. 

You loved him, you were in love with him, and he pulled the rug out from under you.

That was why your habit of using coke was slowly getting worse. You managed to keep your job, for a while, keep the desires away. Then you started to get where you were barely sober for that too and just when your boss mentioned it, you decided it was time to leave anyway. You put in your two weeks and left gracefully.

As soon as you were no longer tied to the hotel, Trey put you in every lounge, venue, and club he could find. You were singing all of your songs on your EP. Every night you did a show, you got off the stage, got drunk or high, or both, and then you crashed. 

Same routine, every night. 

Anything to numb the pain of losing Hayden, of feeling like your life was in shambles. It wasn’t just losing Hayden, it was realizing you had no close friends, no one else to lean on. He’d become your best friend, your confidant, your lover. He was everything you ever wanted or needed, and he was gone. 

Neither of you had sent any messages to each other. It killed you, but you had to move forward, if that’s what you could call drowning your sorrows in a bottle or a baggie. 

Tonight, you just got done singing a set and you were hanging out with Darren, Veronica, Brad, and Tai. Unbeknownst to you, Hayden was actually about to make a stop by this bar. He had some contacts in your circle, a few people he knew in the music world that he asked to keep an eye on you, and if you got too out of control or needed help, they should let him know. He also watched your Instagram and Twitter, keeping an eye on your partying that way.

He’d gotten a few texts before about you, just an update on how you were, but tonight was a red alert from a guy that was somewhat in your circle. He watched you as you did a bump of coke, drink whatever was passed to you, and you were all over everyone in the bar. It was a sloppy mix of drunk-high. You held onto everyone, laughing, trying to crawl on the bar, making a complete ass of yourself. 

Typically your antics were cheered on because everyone in your scene was pretty wild, but even tonight some of them were worried about how you were acting. 

Hayden made his way downtown as soon as he got the text, looking for the bar. Finally, as he walked by, he saw you through the window. You were laughing, throwing your head back, hanging on other people, and trying to dance. 

You were a mess, and that was obvious. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line before going into the bar. He made his way over to you. He wanted to say he felt relief when he saw you, but he didn’t. He just felt worse. He wasn’t an idiot about your drug abuse, he also wasn’t stupid to see what had triggered it. He just thought it was stupid for you to get mixed up in this shit over him. He wasn’t worth it. 

He could see how it was affecting you. Dark circles painted your eyes, your clothes hung loosely on your body, you looked as if you were awake solely from the drugs. He hated how bad you looked.

“Hey,” he greeted loudly over the bar music and patrons. 

You looked over and saw him, your eyes going in and out of focus. “Oh my god, it’s you! Hey! Stay! Have a drink!” you encouraged as you fell all over him, putting your arms around him. In your current state, none of the pain that would’ve normally come from seeing him happened. 

“Hey, no, I’m good. This isn’t really my scene. Y/N, you seem really far gone, do you want me to take you home?” 

You pushed away from him, frowning. “What? No, why would I want that?” You reached in your purse and grabbed something, about to put it in your mouth. “I’m having a good time here, Hayden. You should try it,’ you urged giddily.

“Are you fucking crazy?” he demanded as he slapped the little white thing out of your hand. “Was that fucking E? On top of what you already have in your system?”

“The fuck is your problem?” you ordered, angry.

“My problem is you destroying your life and your body,” he informed.  “I’m taking you home,” he stated firmly. He started to turn you around and push you outside. Everyone started to look your way. 

“No, you aren’t!” you protested loudly, moving wildly, but he just persisted. He went around in front of you, grabbed your wrist, and tugged you outside and started walking you down the sidewalk until you got yourself free of his hold. “Jesus! What the fuck is your deal? Those are my friends. I’m having a good time!” 

“A good time?” he demanded, his voice reigned in anger. “You think this is a good time? You’re out of your fucking mind.” 

“Hey, Mr. Entertainment Business newsflash,a  party-girl image is great publicity. Trey encourages this so long as I’m fine to record.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that your producer endorses you getting high and drunk, as long as you’re off the clock.” 

“You aren’t my handler, you’re not my parents, yo’re not my baby sitter, so just fuck off.”

He stared at you, clenching his jaw. “If you want to stay here and become like---If you want to stay here and party, that’s fine, but I’m done. I’m done with this. I’m done watching you ruin your life and throw so much potential away. I’m not gonna stick around to watch you drive your self into rock bottom when I’ve tried like hell to get you to wake the fuck up.”

“You didn’t stick around! Newsflash, asshole! You left! You left me high and dry.” 

“You kicked me out!” he reminded. “After I tried to approach you about your addiction. And I did stick around, you just didn’t know it.” 

“You didn’t approach me about it, you attacked me about it. Besides, what the hell do you mean you’re not going to stick around or watch me? You haven’t been around.” 

Letting out a sigh, he ran his hand down his face. “When I left, I may have asked some friends to keep an eye on you. I told them to update me if you were getting worse or better.”

“You were spying on me?” you asked, gasping.

“No, I just had people keeping an eye on you. If they were at the same party or something, they’d just let me know how you were doing.”

“Oh, nice to know you cared so much,” you retorted, rolling your eyes. You were getting more and more sober with the fresh air and the anger.  

“I do care. I think I’m the only one you know who does’ fucking care about you. I’m the only one not letting you just become an addict. I’m fighting for you.”

“Oh, is that what you were doing when you broke up with me? Fighting for me?”

He glared at you. He didn’t want to have this conversation. “Yes, I was. I was trying to make sure we were making the right choice.”

“Oh, spare me the bullshit!” you shouted, your head falling back. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the lies. Just be honest with me. You didn’t care about me, you didn’t love me, you wanted a rebound. You weren’t worried about the both of us. You’re just like everyone else. You wanted something to distract you from your ex leaving you and I was the perfect replacement. Then when you got bored, you cast me aside.” 

“You weren’t a replacement! You weren’t my rebound,” he yelled. 

“Then what was it?!” you screamed. “Because from where I stood, you and I were perfect, more than perfect. We could spend time with each other, lean on each other, support each other, we lived together, I met your child, we had date nights all the time and all of that just -- you ended it. Without warning. We didn’t even talk about it. You didn’t even ask me how I was feeling, if I cared about you. You just decided for the both of us that it would be better if this wasn’t a rebound. But it wasn’t ever about that. It was about me taking putting someone else before me like I always do, and I’m the one who got fucking hurt, not you.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry that you got hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It hurt me too. And it hurts like hell to watch you do this to yourself. You think I liked watching you come home high and drunk all the time?” 

“I don’t imagine it bothered you too much. We weren’t dating any more.” 

He shrugged. “So? Just because I’m not dating you, it doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about you.”

“See, in my world, it does. You don’t break someone’s fucking heart then try to tell them you still care. You’re the one who decided to date me. I asked, you shot me down. Then, when I was really happy, when I thought this was real, that we had a shot, that this was something that would last and you just ripped it away. No conversation.” 

He shook his head. “Yeah, and I’m sorry for that. I am. I should’ve talked to you, but is this really what you want? You want to be so numb and fucked up on drugs you can’t function?”

“I can function just fine, thanks for checking in!”

“I can’t believe you’re fine with this. You’ve been so strong since I met you. Going after your dream, working hard at your job, you never would’ve given into this bullshit, despite what happened between us.” 

“Yeah, well shit changes. Clearly you know that.”

“Nothing changed. I cared for you then, and I do now.” 

You scoffed. “Spare me, alright? It was clear to me after you left you never gave a shit. I licked your wounds so you could heal and then you left me. Fuck off. You don’t get the right to tell me where I can hang out, what I can do, or when I can do it.” You got in his face, your voice low before you turned around to head back inside. 

He stood there more upset than he had been when you two first broke up. He wasn’t sure what he thought he would gain from coming out tonight. He just thought he could save you from yourself. He knew he was the reason you went on the downward spiral but he didn’t know how to fix it. 

He bit his lip to keep from crying as he watched you rejoin your friends and pick up a shot glass and knock it back. He shook his head as he turned to walk down the street.

He couldn’t keep doing this to himself, or to you. He needed to move on. He couldn’t watch you suffer any more. He had tried to help you. Every time he did though, you turned him down - hard. 

With his heart heavy, he took a taxi back to his new hotel and tried to forget all about you.

If only it were that easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever Tag:

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@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​

@marvel-imagines-yes-please​​

@missinstantgratification​​

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Hayden Christensen:

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History Repeats:

@multifandomblog315​​

[fangirlincorporated-blog]

The Lucky Australian

~~ 19 Alive ~~

I wanted everything I never had

Like the love that comes with light

I wore envy and I hated that

But I survived

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go

Where the wind don't change

And nothing in the ground can ever grow

No hope, just lies

And you're taught to cry into your pillow

But I survived

 They remained under the air con waiting for he heat to pass, Aurora turning on her playstation to game with Henry. Henry noticed she much preferred survivalist horror, he watched her play a bit of dying light before Henry took over.

“It would make a great TV show” Aurora remarked, watching Henry try and escape a group of volatiles during a night mission, he had to admit, his heart rate and adrenalin were up, his hairs were standing to attention all over his body, it was unsettling and scary, but so addictive.

“I have to say, I didn’t really get too much time to get into it, but this is incredible, it’s not easy”

Aurora snorted. “That’s coz I play on nightmare mode”

Henry stole a glance at her.

“That’s hardcore”

Aurora beamed at him.

After a while, Henry noticed Aurora had fallen asleep next to him, her hands curled up underneath her face. Something caught his attention, pausing the game he looked at her arms.

There were white scars littered on them, some thin, some large. They were precise. Henry knew what they were.

He put the controller on the coffee table and hung his head. He felt so drawn out, so ripped from his skin, so weary down to his bones, so sad. All this he felt for her.

How unfair could life be to a person that only seemed to be a light in the darkness, how was she supposed to endure so much death and heartache and still consistently wake up in the fucking morning?

Henry felt the wetness of tears on his face. The burden of life seems so heavy for some, so light for others.

The never ending, continuous stream of emotion, was the pain his heart was feeling for her, as if it could simply reach out to her and out her all back together. For everything she endured, she was stronger than anyone he knew, but life shouldn’t have to throw that shit at you to make you strong. It shouldn’t have you drag you to a place where the demons go to build character. It shouldn’t have happened like that for her.

So why did it?

He cried for her. Her pain, her heartache, for everything she had been through. He cried because in the short time he knew her, he knew she deserved so much more than what life had given her. Yet, she was still here, she was still alive, still breathing, still waking in the morning next to him. Aurora had issues with her existence, she had not been fond of life, but henry was glad she was a living being.

Henry felt pickles nudge her furry little face under his hands. She looked up at him with her endless brown eyes. He smiled down sadly at her and gave her a scratch behind the ears.

“Its been a big day fluffy butt!” Slowly, he raised himself up off the couch and walked to the bathroom. Washing his face, he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

The women he had dated had been easier, this was all new territory, but somehow, he wasn’t shying away from her, from this. Henry knew he loved her, he knew she was all he needed and wanted. Still it didn’t take the sting out of the day.

He walked back into the lounge room to find Aurora waking up. She looked at the spot where Henry had been, confusion plastered on her still sleepy features. Hearing his footsteps she peered up at him and smiled. Holding out her arms, Henry all but ran into them.

He held her for a few minutes before she parted from him.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok, it’s just an intense game. Went to wash my face”

Aurora stared at him, she knew he was lying but she didn’t push it.

“Well, since its 3pm, most of the out of towners would’ve gone home by now, wanna go for a swim? Then we can get a drink at the beach bar? Maybe dinner out?”

“That’s sounds nice. Although you have promised to make me some Italian food!”

Aurora rolled her eyes, a smirk on her face.

“I did, so let’s go to the beach, then I’ll make dinner!” she bounded off the lounge, going to the bedroom, Henry following her.

~~~~~~~~

October rolled into November, with December fast approaching. Henry had spent the whole month getting to know the area Aurora lived in, while she was at work. She had taken him hiking in the Blue Mountains many times, he was still amazed at the travel Australians undertook all the time. A 4-hour round-trip barely tiring her out as well as hiking, meanwhile Henry would be wiped out from the whole day. His favourite days though, were the ones he got to spend at the beach, or even just wandering around the place she lived, day drinking at a few different pubs, watching the ships roll in past the horizon. Or simply enjoying wherever she took him for lunch and dinner. He particularly enjoyed the day she took him to Sydney to Bennelong. Aurora had waxed lyrical about how amazing it was, and it did not disappoint. He had to admit; he was very rarely surprised by anything, now he understood why she had told him to dress up, the restaurant was in the Sydney opera house, with a view looking out at the harbour bridge. It was fucking spectacular. Henry had tried to pay once he figured out it was a fine dining establishment. Aurora has shut that idea down quite fast, given he had taken her out in Venice; this was the least she could do. It was quite sweet. They spent the night in Sydney, Henry had stayed at a few hotels in his travels, but Aurora had pulled out all the stops when he entered the room. The room overlooked the entire Sydney Harbour. It stopped him in his tracks, rendering him breathless. Henry spent that night making sure Aurora knew how much he loved her.

~~~~~~~~

Henry found himself sitting in Aurora’s office, answering mundane emails and going over scripts he had been sent, he could hear Aurora in the other room singing along to crowded house, a new favourite of his she had introduced him too. There was so much he had learnt about Aurora, her favourite band, her favourite games, her favourite sports teams (of which he now followed by default and she had promised to take him to a game come the start of the season), pet hates, favourite ice cream. He came to really love Australia; it was going to be hard to leave. Everything he loved was here.

Suddenly, a video call came through. Noticing it was Charlie, he picked up.

“Are we getting you back to the northern hemisphere?” Charlie asked.

“Fuck no, not when you look as cold as you do! Canada in the minus yet?”

“Unfortunately. More snow too, so how is the land down under?”

“Fucking glorious, it’s so hot, but I love it! Air conditioning is the most amazing thing ever invented.”

Charlie rolled his eyes “you make it sound like it’s the worlds greatest invention you’ve never heard of. You have that in England, and in Florida. You know the other place you also live?”

“It’s not as good in England. I know, but here it’s just on all the time. I really love it here; I’m only a 5minute walk to the beach. We sat a pub the other day watching ships come in, that has to be my new favourite hobby” Henry smiled

“Wow, and here I thought it was hammertime”

“War hammer Charlie!”

“Same, same. Since I haven’t spoken to you much in a month, did you end up finding out what happened with Aurora’s last relationship? I know you were worried.”

“Charlie, hold on.” Henry got up to close the door. He sat back down and told Charlie everything that had happened.

 Henry lost track of the time he and Charlie had been talking. It was nice to be able to talk to one of his brothers. He hadn’t realised how heavy things had weighed on his heart, Charlie listening to him lessened the burden. Another call came in, from his manager.

“Charlie, I gotta go, Dany is calling”

“As long as you’re ok?”

“I am Charlie, I do really love her.” He watched Charlie smile. Saying their goodbyes, he answered Dany.

“Henry, I have an invitation to the Oscars, can you be stateside in Feb?”

“Sure. Add a plus one for me?”

Dany perked up at that

“So its serious with the girlfriend? I have to say; I’ve only seen a few photos of you in Europe with her, and one of you in Sydney. I didn’t know she was Australian. How have you stayed away from the paps for so long?”

“She lives near the beach, it’s a beautiful little place, nice area, I don’t think they give a shit really, plus its almost 2 hours from Sydney, no paps will travel that far.”

Dany nodded.

“Is she prepared for what’s about to happen?”

“She’s already explained things to me for when that does happen, which I need to talk to you about next time I see you. I will do my best to help her through everything, she might not even agree to the Oscars” Henry sat back and folded his arms.

“Why? Would she be uncomfortable? Does she not have a dress?”

Henry’s eyes snapped to her closet.

“I think she has a dress, ill get back to you.”

“Alright, speak soon”

Henry hung up the call, and stood up, rolling his shoulders and stretching out his body, he walked out of the room.

[purplesurveys]

1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave. 

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

[onetwosevensquad]

Good Enough For You: Chapter Seven

Doyoung x reader

Summary: You are your brother Yuta’s songwriter and Doyoung is his best friend and manager. When your brother gets his chance to go on tour, what happens when you have to spend two months on the road with your long time crush and scheming brother?

Warnings: light cursing and that’s like it. Also sorry to anyone named Lexi I’m sure you are lovely a person

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

———

The plane ride to Tokyo was a short, albeit full one. Full of you and Doyoung telling each other stories from childhood. This continued well into the airport and baggage claim, which annoyed Mina as she clung to your arm for support in her half asleep state. Once everyone got their luggage, you were all piled into cars and headed off to the hotel.

Once arrived you found your rooms, yours and Mina’s once again being next to Doyoung and Yuta’s. The four of you, along with Sicheng, a new member of your merry band of misfits, decided to go explore the hotel. Concert prep didn’t start until 4 o’clock and considering it was only 9:30 am, you had plenty of time.

While exploring you found the pool, which you all agreed would be used latter, and the bar, which would also be used later. Upon returning to the lobby you saw none other than Lexi talking with a man you found out was the third intern. You could tell she was hitting on him just by her body language. Poor bastard.

Doyoung had noticed too, and couldn’t help but stare. You saw his gaze fixed on them and reached a hand up to place it on his arm. He looked down at you and saw the concerned look in your eyes.

“I couldn’t help but get a flashback to when her and I first met,” he said quietly so the others wouldn’t hear. You gently rubbed his arm and gave him a reassuring smile, one that he gladly returned.

“I’m hungry!” Yuta announced. Mina was quick to agree and soon enough your little gang was on the way to find some food.

———

After eating an early lunch and doing some more exploring of Tokyo, the five of you headed back to the hotel. You got their just in time to immediately leave again for concert prep.

You all arrived at the arena and settled in for the rest of the long night. Yuta’s sound check went smooth, as well did the run through. You, Mina, Doyoung, and Sicheng all watched as your brother had the time of his life singing to no one. He even dragged all of you on stage to mess around with him.

Soon enough it was time for hair and makeup and then onto the concert. You hung back in the dressing room for a minute, having misplaced your phone, while everyone went to the stage to watch. Finally you found it and turned to head towards the stage.

When you turned around, you were suddenly faced with something that you were not ready for. Lexi. This was the first time you really got a look at her. And in all honesty she did not look like a nice person.

“So you’re Y/n,” she said, almost sneering. She looked as if she was scanning you. You suddenly felt extremely conscious and uncomfortable with everything around you. You had nothing to say. Literally your mind was blank. Usually you could come up with a comeback but nothing. Honestly she scared you a bit.

“Can’t say I’m impressed,” she said. The hell is that supposed to mean? “I was expecting someone more... I don’t know. Someone with a bigger personality given everything I’ve heard about you.”

Oh so she’s heard of you? Yea no shit Y/n, Doyoung even said she was jealous of you. Wait. She was jealous of you. That gave you a new sense of confidence.

“And you’re Lexi,” you said. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Not that impressed either. Can’t say I have too much respect for someone who cheats on their partner.”

“You little bi-“ she never got to finish her sentence and Doyoung called your name and appeared in the doorway. He was faced with his biggest nightmare. The girl of his dreams having to face down the monster that haunts his dreams.

“Doyoungie!” Lexi said. “I was just getting to know Y/n here. Isn’t that right?” She said blinking at you expectantly. You just stayed silent and kept you eyes glued to her.

“Yea I’m sure that’s all,” Doyoung said as he moved past Lexi and over to you. Once he reached you, he did not hesitate to reach for your hand a grasp it with his. Lexi seem a bit taken aback by this as her face faltered.

Without another word Doyoung pulled you out of the dressing room and to the side of the stage where you could see Mina and Sicheng talking and your brother preforming. Before he reached the two others, Doyoung stopped and turned you towards him. He let go of your hand and placed both of his on your arms.

“Are you ok? What did she say to you?” He rushed out, shouting a little because of the noise. You could see the genuine worry in his eyes and feel it in his grip on you.

“I’m fine, Doyoung. Nothing I couldn’t handle,” you said with a smile. Doyoung couldn’t help but smile a little at your confidence. His grip on you loosened a bit but not before he pulled you into a hug. You gladly accepted, only pulling back once he did.

Doyoung slung an arm around you shoulder, something you couldn’t help but blush at, and led you over to Mina and Sicheng. You watched as your brother danced and sang his butt off, and you sang along.

The whole rest of the concert though, Doyoung kept his arm around your shoulders, dancing and singing along too.

———

Finally getting back to the hotel, your little crew decided to go for a midnight dive at the pool. You all got ready in your rooms and met up in the hallway. You hid your swimsuits under some pajamas, as you weren’t allowed to go to the pool this late at night. But who cares.

The five of you decided to also get a drink at the bar, which was open all hours. You and Doyoung stuck with only one while the other three had a few more. Finally, after Yuta, Mina, and Sicheng were throughly buzzed, you headed to the pool.

The three of them wasted no time getting undressed and getting in the cold water. You opted to sticking your feet in on the edge of the pool. Doyoung had sat down next to you after a minute, and the two of you sat in a comfortable silence. The only disturbance being the three children in the pool in front of you.

“Hey, Y/n,” Doyoung said to get your attention. “Are you sure whatever Lexi said was no big deal? I mean I’m sure you handled it fine, but it just bothers me not knowing.”

“Doyoung I promise that what she said really was no big deal. I threw it right back at her anyway,” you said matter of factly. Doyoung chuckled lightly and you started to giggle. Soon enough you two were on your way to having one of your normal conversations.

“It’s getting pretty late. You wanna head upstairs?” Doyoung asked. You nodded and stood up with his to grab your things. The two of you snuck off with out Mina, Yuta, or Sicheng noticing.

Once upstairs you and Doyoung agreed to go change in your rooms and meet back in his. You got into some comfortable clothes and made your way across to Doyoung’s room. You could hear soft music playing from the other side of the door so you knocked a bit harder.

Almost immediately the door opened to reveal Doyoung in sweats and a loose fitting T-shirt. He looked so comfortable and soft like this. He ushered you in the room and went into the bathroom to finish whatever routine he had. The song playing was a slower one and you began to lightly sway to the music.

Once Doyoung came out of the bathroom, he smiled when he saw you swaying to the music. He wanted nothing more than to be dancing with you. So he did exactly that.

Doyoung came up quietly behind you and placed a hand on your shoulder. Once you got over the momentary heart attack and fully turned to face him, he let his hand drop and held in out in front of you.

“May I have this dance?” He asked with a shy smile. You could only imagine how red you looked right now. You carefully placed your hand in his and he he pulled you close to him as another slow song started. He wrapped his other arm around your waist and you placed your free hand on his shoulder. He began to sway while tightly gripping your hand in his and pressing your bodies close together.

You let your head gently fall to rest on Doyoung’s chest. He tensed up for a second, but soon relaxed. You and Doyoung didn’t say a word. You just enjoyed each other’s company and danced the night away. ———

Rose: I’m really happy with how this chapter turned out. Also if the masterlist links aren’t there yet I apologize. My computer stopped working so I can’t put in the links yet. But they will be there eventually. Sorry again! <3

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 59

~*~Emma~*~

The lake had been fun. It was initially awkward, but after we loaded into the boat and were underway it got better. I snagged a spot up front in the bow. I was joined by three girls, now women, I’d known well in high school. We started by talking about our current lives and by the time we'd found a spot to anchor we were telling old stories and laughing through our memories. Once the four of us had reconnected the others were easy with conversations and groupings overlapping. An hour later it felt like old times. There were lots of pictures taken and we were texting them to each other immediately. I posted some on Instagram and sent some directly to Sebastian. I had no problem posting bikini-clad pictures of me in a group, but solo went only to him. I've never been one for posting me. It's usually an activity with people.

There was a dock near the southeast border of the lake for gassing up and they had a sandwich shop. Sandwich included hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries, and onion rings. We decided to eat at the picnic tables. Stowing food was more to pack up and could stink. We were relaxing and waiting for the last ones to finish when my notification went off. Chris Evans was asking permission to follow my account. Interesting. Approved. Not a minute later so was Chace Crawford. Also approved, but with a snarky DM about his pickup lines. He'd hit on me at Kirk's wedding. Very unsuccessfully.

Emma ~ Tell Chris hi and nice to meet him.

Sebastian ~ We’re not talking about you. Much. Ok, we are. Sebastian ~ We're mostly looking at pictures.

Emma ~ The ones on your phone are much better than IG

Sebastian ~ Chace will be the one to figure that out.

 Chris DM'd me, “Can't wait to meet you in person. Hearing very sweet things.”

I sent back, "A few are true. He exaggerates."

"Yeah, he's got a huge crush on you."

"Nice to know."

We watched sunset out on the water. It was beautiful. The haze and clouds made for muted pinks, purples, blues, and grays. I took a dozen of those hoping to catch the perfect one. I was in a group of people, but the sunset had me feeling lonely. It was fleeting and I was back into the party spirit quickly.

Amy thought it was a good idea to take everyone back to our house for a pool party. I did not agree. Our parents were home babysitting their granddaughter and we were about to invade with a hoard of drunk friends. All of whom were inviting more and asking them to pick up booze. It felt very high school and in need of at least a phone call. However, it was Amy’s idea and no one wanted to hear from me last night. I wouldn’t be calling ahead.

I went inside to go to the bathroom and ran into dad. "What's all that noise we just got Katie in bed?"

"Amy invited some friends back to the pool."

"You’re teenagers again."

"Seems like it."

"Try and keep it down."

"I will tell her." Not my party. Not my crowd control. I did my business and went back outside. Amy was making out with Max in the pool. I tapped on her head, breaking their kiss, "Dad said to keep it down."

They went back to kissing. I'd deemed my message delivered and headed to the bar, putting in the code and retrieving a bottle of tequila. When I stood up, I was surprised to see Kai on the other side of the bar. Kai was the boyfriend who broke up with me after rehab. Kai's hands were shoved in the pockets of his swim shorts. He nodded toward the group, "Amy said you'd be ok with me coming. I wanted to check."

My current plan for Amy’s death was drowning. She was already in the pool after all. I pasted a less than genuine smile on my face, "It's fine, Kai. It was a long time ago. How are you?"

Kai was very southern lawyer attractive. Thinking back, he always had been. "I’m good. I did become a lawyer. Work for a firm here in Alpharetta. I got married three years ago. Her name is Melanie. We're expecting a baby in January."

"Congratulations. That’s wonderful."

He nodded, "Thank you. What are you up to?"

"I teach first grade, love it. I play in a volleyball rec league. My best friend's in a band so I go into the city and visit. My boyfriend lives there too."

Kai laughed, "I might have heard about him."

"I bet. He's a good guy. Lots of fun and good to me.”

"Better than I was, I’m sure."

Ah! This was going to be some sort of apology. I cringed and pulled up my shades for a second, "Well Kai, you did break up will me three days after I got back from rehab. You kinda failed at supportive boyfriend."

"Yeah, I did. Sorry. In hindsight, it was a shitty thing to do. Bad timing and a lie of a reason."

"I knew that."

"Sorry. I’ve always felt guilty."

I smiled, "It was a long time ago, Kai. We've grown up. We're both doing well."

"I wish we could go back to friends again. We were friends since middle school."

I don't think he realized that made it worse. We’d been friends before we were anything else and none of that mattered when he left me. It didn’t matter to me now. “I stopped being angry with you a very, very long time ago, Kai. Forgave you for leaving me when I needed you. But there’s no reason for us to be friends now. I come back a couple of times a year. You and I are strangers now. And while I have forgiven you, I’d never trust you again.” His guilt is not a reason for me to welcome him back into my life.

“Wow.” He looked surprised.

I smiled, “I wish nothing but the best for you.”  I leaned back to see under the bar and brought up a couple of glasses. “Drink to old times?”

He looked surprised again. “Yeah, Em.”

“Good.” I poured the tequila and tapped my glass against his. “To happy memories and years of fun times.”

We both drank and he walked around to my side of the bar. It was my turn to be surprised when he hugged me, “I wish nothing but the best for you too, Emma.”

I patted his back, “Thank you.”

Kai let go and walked back toward the pool.

I tell you what, this has been the strangest visit I’ve ever had and that’s saying a lot. I’m starting to get paranoid about what the next three days are going to bring. I poured another tequila and questioned my decision to not hop back on a plane last night. I could be home in my bed or in the city tucked into Sebastian’s bed waiting for him to get home or out with Eli and Angie. All preferable to this mixed bag of what the fuck.

I hung out for another hour before letting Amy I was heading to bed. Family day was supposed to start at about noon. That gave me time to sleep in a little, go for a run, and shower before arrivals started. Of course, because I had time to sleep in, I woke up at my normal time. I texted Sebastian, saying good morning, and was pleasantly surprised when his face showed up on my phone.

“It’s morning, but good is a stretch.”

He looked a little rough, but still handsome. “Good night with the boys?”

Sebastian nodded then winced, “Very.” He filled me in on his night. There’d been lots of laughs and he gave me back story on any conversations. I liked watching him talk. In his hungover state, he was less animated than usual, but his expressions and eyes still conveyed a range of emotions. I laughed at the late-night stories. My favorite was Chris edging between Chace and Sebastian in the bathroom, sharing a urinal with Seb because he couldn’t wait.

My stories weren’t nearly as funny. It’s possible things got out of hand after I’d gone to bed. I’m sure Amy would fill me in. I told him about the conversation with Kai.

“Ouch, you’re tough.”

I rolled to my side, putting the phone against the pillow, “It’s not my responsibility to ease his guilt.”

“True.”

“If we were going to be around each other my response might have been different, but there’s no reason. Haven’t seen him in twelve years, likely won’t for at least that long. We talked at the party, laughed. We’re just not going to be friends.”

“No, no, I get it.” He was shaking his head. “I think you might still be a little angry.”

I laughed, “Maybe I should have been less direct. I wasn’t expecting to see him. More indifferent than angry.”

“I don’t know if you should have. I just don’t want to be on the receiving end of your directness. The indifferent version.” He smiled with his using my word instead of his “angry”. “You were pretty direct with Drew in the bar too. I like you having a little bite.” He looked like he was thinking and I stayed quiet. “You are incredibly kind until you’re not. I mean, I think you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but once they cross over the line where you don’t trust them you have no problem putting them in their place. That’s a good thing. Sometimes people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.”

“Ed tells me I let people get away with too much.”

“Do you think so?”

“Sometimes. I can give too many chances. It all depends on how much I care about someone and the size of the bad behavior. I think I’m usually direct and kind at the same time, but when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough.”

“I tend to sugar coat too much. Then get pissy when nothing changes and sometimes it’s because I wasn’t clear.”

Now I had a question. “Are you sugar-coating and think I was mean to Kai?”

“I was imagining being on the receiving end. I wouldn’t have liked it, but, no, I don’t think you were mean.”

“You’d have to fuck up a lot.” Sebastian’s opinion was important. “I’m direct with the good stuff too.”

“I know you are.” His blue eyes lit up with his smile. “I always know where I stand, how you feel.”

Not always. Not right now. “You read me bedtime stories when I’m sad.”

“And you ask me what I need when I’m anxious.”

“Quite the pair.”

“Yes, we are.”

We just looked at each other for a long time. “Your flight is at three.”

“Twelve, moved up to squeeze in a dinner tonight.”

I looked at the time on my phone, “You need to get to the airport.”

“Yeah.” He turned the camera where I could see his bags. “All packed. I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel for our date.”

Our phone sex date. I smiled and kissed my screen, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Definitely.”

I laid in bed for a few more minutes, just enjoying being happy, before I got up and got dressed to go for a run.  Mom and dad were already downstairs having coffee. I walked around the table, kissing both of their cheeks, “I’m going for a run before everyone gets here.”

Mom nodded over her cup, “How late was everyone here last night?”

I shrugged, “I went to bed about ten. Long day in the sun and then old friends showing up. I was done. Kai showed up. That was less than fun.”

“You left your sister to manage all your friends?”

Notice how they failed to ask how I was after an unexpected visit from my ex-boyfriend. I know I did. I thought about the conversation with Sebastian and what he’d said about some people not deserving the benefit of the doubt. The other night was the first time I’d been so confrontational with my parents in a very long time. Like since I was sixteen right before I moved to Seattle. I took a deep breath and tried to pull in some of the calmness I’d had upstairs in bed. “Guys, we’re almost thirty, not thirteen. Hopefully, we’ve grown out of getting so drunk we knock over patio furniture and throw up in the pool. If not, they are Amy’s problem. They are her friends, not mine. She invited them over. I haven’t seen most of these people for over ten years. And are you telling me in addition to not talking too much about my boyfriend or anything else that makes me happy, I am also expected to babysit my sister?”

“Emma, you’re overreacting.”

Again, with the fucking overreacting. I’m not an overreactor. If anything, I’m an underreactor. I’m positive I’m not overeating here. I guess it’s nice to know it’s not they don’t like Sebastian and don’t want to talk about him. They don’t want to talk about Kai either and I know they liked him. I muttered, “Unbelievable”, as I headed for the front door.

I ran far longer than I'd planned.

It took a long time to calm my mind and get into the zone. What often happens once I let go of my thoughts and get into a rhythm is that the thoughts organize themselves. When I stopped or during cool down I could see things more clearly. What I saw when I slowed my pace to a walk wasn't pretty. It had been my choice to leave rehab when it was no longer good for me. It had been my choice to call Ed to get me away from here when it was no longer good for me. I don't remember my parents favoriting Amy before that summer. Twenty-three days that strengthened me and weakened Amy. Broke my family and gave me a new one.

Choices, even ones that are good for you, have consequences. A tangled web of choices and consequences have led to now. This isn't my home. My parents' focus, as it had been since I went to Seattle or before, was Amy. I didn't agree with how they sheltered her, but I hadn't been here. In their view I was strong, I was fine, and they didn't have to worry about me. I had another family to worry about me. When I thought about it like this, it made sense. I'd left because being here was a threat to me. Now me being here was a threat to Amy. The situation was fucked. We'd all done the best we could. We still were. If what I'd told Sebastian was true, I wouldn't change anything if it meant I didn't know Ed, Jill, Olivia, and Harper. I had to accept the negatives too. I don't know what that means for the future, but as Ed tells me I put up with things too long sometimes.

I arrived back at the house as everyone was finishing breakfast. I'd separated myself from family time by taking a run. Or maybe I'd taken a run because I was separate from my family. I poured a cup of coffee and joined them at the table, helping myself to the container of Greek yogurt and covering it with berries. Blueberries for Sebastian and raspberries for me. That made me smile.

After I showered Amy and I went to pick up my grandparents. Amy told me what happened after I'd gone to bed, including her and Max having sex on the big round double lounger. I told her... nothing. I didn’t tell her about my fights with our parents, I didn’t tell her about the conversation with Kai. I most certainly didn't tell her about my phone sex date later with Sebastian, the early morning just woke up FaceTime, or how he'd read me Winnie the Pooh until I fell asleep. I hated it. I hated how yesterday we were back to talking like sisters and today it was not. Again, my choice, but I knew she’d tell our parents, which under any other circumstance would be fine, but I could not take any more. I could, but I didn’t want to.

The back yard easily held the gathering of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Kids played in the pool while adults talked with glasses of sangria and bottles of beer. The last stragglers were finishing their drinks when Katie crawled into my lap. She wanted me to take her to bed and read her a story. When the book was done, she curled up next to me, looked up, and said, "I love you, Emma."

I kissed her nose, "I love you, too.”

I joined my parents and sister in the family room. Amy explained they hadn't known how long I'd be with Katie and had started a movie without me. I lied and said it was fine, I'd seen it. There couldn't have been much left when “Dancing Queen” started playing from my phone. I stood up, "That’s Sebastian. He's in Canada. I'm going to take it upstairs. See you in the morning."

Mom yelled after me, "We need to leave at nine-thirty."

"OK." I connected the call, "Hey, baby, how was your flight and dinner?"

"Bumpy."

"Which one?"

"Both." His laughter was a balm that smoothed away the roughness of the day. "How was the barbeque and why can't I see you?"

I shut the door behind me and switched the call to video. "I was waiting until I could get you alone."

Sebastian put his arms across his chest, "What kind of a boy do you think I am?"

"A very handsome one." The top three buttons of his white dress shirt were unbuttoned and his tie hung loosely around his neck. "Damn, you look good."

"So do you."

I was in a plain peach t-shirt. He didn't care. To him, I looked good. I went back to his question, "It was fun. Caught up with lots of family. Watched kids in the pool. Mostly sat with my grandparents. Granny was happy to hold my hand and tell me I’m beautiful."

Sebastian's mouth dropped open in a gasp, "I like doing that too." He turned his head to the side looking over my face, "You don't look sad, but you don't look happy either. What's going on with you?"

I looked up for an answer, "I am accepting the reality of the situation. This isn't really home or really my family anymore. Their priority is Amy."

His face fell, "I’m sorry, baby. What can I do? What do you need?"

I smiled a real smile, "Nothing I don't already have." I could see he was struggling to believe me. "Since we were sixteen, they took care of Amy and Ed took care of me. I didn't realize exactly what that meant. Amy is doing better than she ever has. I always thought that when Amy was better." I stopped myself to figure out how I wanted to say this. "It took me coming home while things are good to realize it doesn't matter. Even if she is fine it's all a house of cards. I expected at some time things would be normal, but it won't be. I am changing my expectations."

"How do stop expecting your parents to support you?"

Good question. "You know why Jimmy and I broke up."

"He cheated."

"My parents do not. Amy didn't until Friday."

"Why not?" Sebastian's sadness for me was tinged with anger.

The list of things my parents didn’t know was long. "Just telling them we'd split. I felt like I might drown. The way they wanted to baby and take care of me felt like an anchor around my neck, like I was incapable of surviving a breakup. When I came here for Christmas, they had all these ideas for my life, but they never asked what I wanted. I knew if I told them he'd cheated it would be ten times worse. Does this make any sense?" It wasn't completely clear to me so how could it be to him.

Sebastian rubbed his fingers over his beard, pulling at the grey patch. "I hurt my knee once. They told me to take it easy for twenty-four hours, ice it, stay off it. Then I had exercises and had to move. Walking hurt like hell but it was the best thing if I wanted to heal. Your parents wanted you on bed rest when what you needed was PT. Support to get on your feet. Support should help, not cripple you."

"Exactly!" I smiled and ran my fingers over the video version of his face. "So not having their support isn’t new. I am working on accepting that's not going to change." I watched Sebastian bite his lip and let it slip free. "What's that about?"

"I feel lucky to know you. I'm so fucking proud of you. You don't get stuck in self-pity; you dig yourself out. It's the difference between seeing yourself as a victim or just someone who had something bad happen. They keep Amy stuck and Ed taught you resilience."

My heart stopped and I forgot how to breathe. Not in the good way. In the almost a panic attack way.

"I can do that with work, most things. Relationships." He scrunched up his face and rocked his head from side to side. "I'm learning."

"I'm not always good at it either." Sometimes I needed my ass kicked.

"That’s ok. I'll be here to help. You're still learning too."

I felt a slow smile form across my face and Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching me something tonight?"

I fought back the laugh at the way he squeezed his eyes shut and scrunched up his face. It took a good ten seconds for him to come back to me. I let go of the lip I was biting, "You ok there?"

"You cause me physical pain." He chuckled and smiled looking at me.

I don't think he minds all that much. "Where's it hurt, baby?" I dropped the tone and volume of my voice.

He made the face again and pointed his finger at me. "Turn off the camera."

My eyes went wide, "Why?"

"The first time I watch you get yourself off is going to be live."

"You have a lot of phone sex rules, Bastian." Still, I switched the phone to voice only. My screen went dark. I pouted. Not that he could see.

"Stop pouting and tell me what you're wearing."

I resisted the urge to tell him if he let me turn the damned camera back on, I'd show him. I didn't need to be taught how to do this. I was confident I could wing it just fine. What I didn’t know was if this was to be purely descriptive, giving each other instructions, or a role-play. It didn't matter. Any would be fun.

"I have on a peach t-shirt. It's not tight, but it fits against my body. Soft. My shorts are white. If you listen close, I bet you can hear me unzip them," I moved my phone lower to make sure he could. I left the phone by my hip, "I'm going to go ahead and take them off. My legs are smooth against my fingers."

"Take off your shirt too. Tell me about your bra and panties." His voice had taken on the timbre it gets when he's turned on.

"Nothing special. No one to see them. Simple white cotton. They do look nice against my tan."

"Next time we're together I’m licking those tan lines."

"Mmm, I'm looking forward to that. Tell me about you."

"Dressed from dinner. Black pants, long sleeve white shirt, black tie. You saw. Tie undone. A couple of buttons open and sleeves rolled up."

"Unbutton them all, but leave your shirt on. I like you undone. What’s going on with your pants?"

"They're tight. I’m not completely hard."

"Take them off. Rub yourself over your boxers. I love feeling you grow in my hand or my mouth. Your skin is so soft."

"Spread your legs. Touch yourself. Over your panties. I want them wet.” I heard a change in his breathing. Subtle. “I’m hard. Had to adjust my boxers. My cock's up toward my stomach where I can rub the underside. Feels good." He let out a little moan and I could easily imagine the little smile on his face.

"Take your cock out. I've got my hand over my pussy. Massaging myself. Warm. Panties are a little damp. I can tell I'm wet though. I can feel it."

"What's it like, Emma?"

"All the blood’s rushed between my legs. There's an ache, a throbbing, almost like I can feel my heart beating. An itch I need to scratch."

"My hand's around my cock. Slow strokes along the whole length. I flip my thumb over the tip every so often." His breath caught. "Hits the spot, you know the one, sends a jolt, like a shock through me. Feels even better when it's your tongue."

"Fuck. Your talking has me squirming. My hand is in my panties. My middle finger sliding from my clit to inside me. So slippery. How tight is your grip?"

"Tight. Not stroking my length anymore. Turned my hand around where my thumbs against the vein. Holding tight above the middle to the edge of the head. Feels good. Thinking about you touching your clit."

"Moving up and down, kind of slow. Tightening my muscles like you're inside me."

Words stopped, but it wasn't quiet.

Our breathing had synced up and there were these little catches, sighs, and soft moans.

"Faster and firmer now."

"Me too. I'm close."

I might not be able to see him, but I knew exactly what he looked like. His face, his body, were starting to tense.

"Feels good. Not as good as you touching me. Not even close."

"If I was there, I'd put my hand over yours. Feel how you like to be touched. So, I can match it. I'd kiss along your neck, taste you. My other hand, my fingers, barely touching your side, over your hip, across your thigh." The last word was interrupted.

" Em... fuck... yes..." Then a few seconds of silence followed by a long sigh.

"Where are you, baby?"

"Unhooked my bra. Nipples so tight."

"Perfect for me to suck on. I'd use my teeth. Run my hand up your inner thigh. Touching close. I can look down and see you touching yourself. God, how much I want to shove your hand away and taste you. Make you come."

"Oh fuck... Bastian." Everything tightened up then let go.

His voice was in my ear, "Turn your camera back on."

When I picked the phone up off my chest his face was already there. I hit the button and saw my face appear in the small rectangle. "Now you want to see me." I stretched with a contented sigh.

"I always want to see you after you come. The way your mouth is open and you lick your lips. Beautiful."

I rolled to my side, "What's an orgasm feel like for you?"

"Tonight. Mmm, for a while it just felt good. Like any touch, nothing special, except the where. Only more. Then it's like a switch. Goes from feels good to oh shit this is amazing. Starts where I’m touching and spreads down to my balls and lower stomach, base of my spine. It's like tightening a spring until it can't anymore and just let’s go."

"Is sex different? The orgasm."

"Oh yeah." His smile and eyes told me he drifted away a little. "I'll tell you all about it next time we have sex." Sebastian raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Similar. Like you said just feels good. More of a building for me though. Sometimes it's a slow steady increase. Other times like stair steps. I have to remind myself to relax or I clench my butt and thighs too much."

"I've noticed this. You start to rise off the bed and I have to hold you down." He was clearly enjoying the memory. "Does it change how it feels?"

I nodded, "Tightening up takes the focus away. Eventually, everything gets warm, tingly, and tightens up. Finally, it's like a wave breaking on the shore with muscle contractions."

"I feel those."

"I like the resistance of having something to hold onto." His eyes had questions. I had to search for a workable metaphor. "If you're sitting in a chair and lift your foot you can feel your thigh tighten, but if you're on a leg machine with weights you feel that muscle more."

Awareness hit him, "Really?" I nodded again. "I knew you liked, but I like knowing the why." He laughed, "I love these talks."

I joined in his laughter, "It is fun."

"Hang on a sec." He laid his phone next to him and I could hear him moving around.

"What are you doing?"

Sebastian picked his phone back up, "There was a mess to clean up."

It is so sexy that he told me this. The whole conversation is sexy. Lying in bed a thousand miles apart having a casual chat about a not at all casual topic is sexy as fuck.

"What did you use?" I was amused.

He looked at me with disbelief. Not sure if it was the question or that he was going to answer. "My underwear. They were nearby." He stood up and lifted the tie as he walked. "Can I get rid of this now?"

"Do I get to see your bare chest?"

"Do I get... ok well, there we go. Thank you."

I'd shifted my camera lower and flashed him naked breasts before he finished asking. I moved back to my face, "You're welcome."

He held his phone out where I could watch him free his arm and be shirtless. I made an appreciative noise and he asked, "Enjoying yourself?"

"I am." I hadn’t intended to lick my lips. "I'd like to lay by a pool with you. Or a beach."

"Easily arranged." He stretched out on the bed. "What haven't we done that you want to do?"

"In general, or sex."

He shrugged, "Sex is the topic. Tonight anyway."

"I want you to give me a full body massage that veers off track to a happy ending."

"That will be just as much fun for me." His face showed his interest. "I want you to tie me to the bed, blindfold me, and do whatever you want to me."

I sat up enough to take my bra off, giving him another peek "We're going to need a weekend locked in one of our bedrooms."

"My weekend is free. I think I have company coming Thursday."

"My departure time keeps creeping up to get to you sooner.”

He sang, "Oh what a lucky boy."

“Pretty soon I’ll get there before you, waiting on the floor outside your apartment.” I got hit with a memory, "We need to talk about your birthday. What do you want?"

"Well, that depends on how you feel about birthday sex? I like birthday sex. Not a deal-breaker, not my preference, but fun for a change."

He stretched out on the bed and stuck his phone to his leg. I could see chest up. I propped my head upon my hand and adjusted my phone. "I'm speaking from limited experience here." Sebastian tried very hard not to smile. He failed, but he tried. "You're such a man."

He stopped trying, "You're such a woman." His laughter was a wonderful sound.

"Less than good experience the first time because neither of us realized the amount of prep work required." He winced. I shrugged. "Next time I’d researched. I liked it, he didn't. He was too in his head, worried about being dirty. Then there's you. I knew what I was doing more in theory than practice."

"You should feel free to practice on me anytime you want." He cocked his head to the side. "You can come in and brush your teeth while I pee, but that's as far as I want to go there."

"Women have complete conversations while trading places in a bathroom."

"The group bathroom break cracks me up."

"We don't want to stop talking or want to talk about a cute guy in private."

"Mostly the last one." He wasn't wrong. "Oh..." he shook his head and pulled his eyebrows down, "not into period sex. But you've got an IUD. Do you even have a period?"

"Nope, happy side effect." Condoms eliminated the need for the birth control talk. "How do you know I have an IUD? Can you feel the strings?"

"My fingers are up there a lot."

I smirked, "You're dirty."

"About to be dirtier. Turn off your camera."

[chronicle-21]

My first tumblr post.

I want to discuss something that has been on my mind recently. It has bothered me deep down for many years, and the feeling of not saying anything is painful. I hope that by writing this, others are able to relate.

My high school friends were never my true friends. There. I said it. Years of never saying anything that I wanted to say to them because I was young and too nice. I was afraid of having no friends. If I ever said anything, I made the mistake of pouring my heart out on social media. Dumb mistake, but I was desperate for someone to understand.

I think part of the issue was that our families were way different raising us. My family was lower middle class, and sometimes my father did not have a job. We did not always have much money, but we got by okay. We never took true vacations or went out of state for anything. My parents scrounged at every penny to save up to send us to Disney for marching band in high school. One of my favorite memories. As teenagers, my siblings and I learned the value of money. When I turned 16, my parents made me get a job. I have worked ever since then (I’m almost 30). It was from then on that I bought everything (for the most part) myself. I felt the pain of buying things with my measly minimum wage jobs, whereas my friends had their parents pay for everything. I won’t lie, growing up I’d be a bit jealous. I never spoke of it. It was deep down. I wished that my parents would pay for everything. As an adult, I know and understand my parents situation, and I believe that it has humbled me and taught me empathy for others. My friends didn’t understand this at all. I’m glad their families had the ability to afford their lives, but I also think they did them a disservice.

Once we all graduated high school, we all went our separate ways and went to different universities. People grow and change, and that’s okay! When we first met back up on school holiday breaks, I noticed that they became, I don’t know, egotistical? Narcissistic? Full of themselves? They were all in a similar major dealing with med school, while I was getting my degree in education. I sensed that they didn’t take my major seriously. I understand that they had similar stories and class information that they were excited to share with each other, but it was all they talked about. I could never get a word in edge-wise. I felt like a third wheel. It became so that EVERYTIME we hung out, they would only talk about themselves and their classes. I just couldn’t relate. None of my classes were science or math related (or at least not on that level). It got to the point where I met them a restaurant after not seeing them for six months or more and they never talked to me or asked how I was doing. They greeted and acted like they liked seeing me, but I don’t think they cared much beyond that. I just sat there and listened. I could have interjected, but that would be rude. I could have tried to put my two cents in, but I just could not relate. It was one of the first real breaking points in our friendship that I realized that they didn’t care about me. I was beneath them.

I was sent on this downward spiral of realizing over all these years that I was: 1) Not going to fit in with them, ever. 2) Always be viewed as beneath them. And 3) They didn’t care about me truly. Let me explain. Please. I beg. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Here’s some examples that stick out to me.

-Growing up, we would give gifts to each other and like I had mentioned, we didn’t have much money. My parents would sometimes give $20 to split between three friends for Christmas or birthdays. Sometimes it would be my paycheck money. I would often find gifts at Walmart (for example, cheap jewelry, shirts, cute accessories, etc) or places like Big Lots, or sometimes things at the mall if something was priced right. I can remember one of the friends saying, “Oh, did you get this at the dollar store?” I remember feeling embarrassed. Trying to find a gift on a budget, and I felt like a fool. It gets worse.

-I used to buy jewelry candles back when they were a craze. I loved the surprise of not knowing if you’ll get a real piece of jewelry or not. I remember I found several rings that were real stones and real silver. Not diamonds but I felt excited to have real silver and real gemstones. I wore them out to eat and one of my friends commented that they liked my rings. I explained jewelry candles. My other friend spoke up and said, “Yeah, they look like something you get from a ring candle.” I’m not here to impress you people. I was wearing it because it made me happy. Similarly, they would look at what brand purse or jacket I was wearing and comment on it. Sometimes almost implying I got it thrifting like I couldn’t just buy it full price. (I was an adult at this point and working full time).

-My high school graduation party, none of my friends came. They were all supposedly on vacation. Fine. I can’t do anything about that. Let it be known that I went to all of theirs and bought them all gifts. Better gifts than I had ever gotten them before (had a better job with more hours in school). Never got any gifts from them.

-Was a bridesmaid, in one friend’s wedding. I probably shouldn’t have agreed to do it, but I was. My others friends were bridesmaids, as well plus some of her friends from college. The bride was the one I was closest to. The whole thing with the other bridesmaids was beyond stressful. The bride had no maid of honor but one acted like they were. She was one of the friends from high school. She had us do all these super extra unnecessary things last minute. I found out later that these extra things were part of her gift! I spent hundreds on this wedding that wasn’t mine and she had the nerve to do everything free and play our hard work off as her gift because she was cheap. We had all made that gift ourselves and she had the nerve to make it her gift since it was her idea. She had her masters at that point and was working a good job. I worked at a grocery store going to school part time. I had went and took a painting class for one of my gifts that was customized. I paid $280 for a bridesmaid dress and had it fitted and seamed, plus shoes and nails. The dinner for the bachelorette party at a vineyard. -The bride may have been trying to have been nice to me when she offered to pay for my dress and then I could pay her back. I had been making payments on it since I also had my car bill, phone, and other things. It felt like a slap in the face. I guess the others girls paid theirs off in one payment and she found that out. I splurged and paid the rest of the money on it because I was embarrassed. It wasn’t like it was too outrageous to afford, but I just had other things to pay at the time. All her bridesmaids were in the medical field and came from good money. The one girl’s family owned a lake. That same girl also wouldn’t talk to me the entire time. The night of the bachelorette party, the one girl’s mom paid for our room and all the other girls got a bed. I had to sleep on the pullout couch. It was super lumpy and uncomfortable. Once again, embarrassing. I left the hotel in the middle of the night and drove home. I didn’t live far. I drove back in the morning and got brunch with them. Acted like nothing happened.

-Mid 20s: My friends were all back in town. We decided to meet back up. They decided to meet at bar in downtown. I go and they all have their significant others with them. I would have brought my boyfriend at the time if I had known. I felt like a third wheel. The bar was loud and cramped. Live music was playing. After we greeted each other, no one talked to me. I was sitting on the end and tried to conversate over the music at the bar. I had weird feelings and thought about leaving. The live music ended after a few hours. My one friend got up and went out to her car to get something. She came back in with two pretty boxes with my two other friends’ names on them. They opened them up in front of me. They had been invited to be her bridesmaids. I awkwardly sat there trying not to cry and feeling confused. These were my childhood-high school friends. I played it off like it didn’t bother me. I thought to myself, “Why invite me then?”. Stupid me stayed friends with them for several more years. I went to said friends bridal shower and wedding, like a fool. I got her nice gifts, like a fool.

-One friend has a weird thing about comparing herself to other people. I think it’s insecurity mixed with ego? I’ll explain. She always has to have the best things. A new car, a half million dollar house, private universities, the fact she’s been with her high school sweetheart who is a douchebag, honestly. They have an unhealthy relationship for various reasons. They are mostly together for (what the kids these days call) “clout”. They both have good jobs. She’s in the medical field and he was selling medical equipment last I knew. They like to bring up bad things each other did to each other in front of guests. For example, he tried to cheat on her in college, and she’ll bring it up to guilt him in front of people. “Remember when you tried to cheat on me...”. In public. They do it to each other. He lied about his political party because he was working for a politician and was trying to schmooze his way up. He later admitted he just lied to everyone and didn’t share the same the beliefs. Amongst many other things. They are married now. He wants kids, she doesn’t last I knew. They get on Facebook and use the hashtag #powercouple. Point is, she always wants to know what I’m up to. I’ve had to watch what I put on social media. I used to be more open and now I realize that people use that to judge or compare themselves to you. I don’t put where I work or where I live on there. I realized it’s nobody’s business. When I bought a house with my husband, she was wanted to know where exactly I lived so she could look up how much we bought our house for. I know this because I remembered her saying she loves to creep on people and find out things. We bought a home that we felt was affordable and had character. In high school, her and husband lived off of the high of being our grades most well-known couple. Everyone knew them together. They went to France together. They had their engagement photos done in London. She gets on Facebook for their anniversaries (how long they have been together and their wedding anniversary date) and says something like, “Can’t believe I’ve been stuck with you for 12 years. You gets on my nerves, but you’re a good cat dad to our cats. And you can cook. Haha. I love you. Or maybe I love the cats more”. Cringey.

An ending to this long story? Yes, for the most part. I want to mention that I made my own mistakes with them. I’m not perfect. I also know that I never said anything mean or degrading either. I realize that I never really spoke up to them. When I did it was because I was upset or frustrated with them. I was too worried about being alone. I was friends with these toxic people, and I eventually stopped seeing them. The last straw was seeing them on Instagram all hanging out without me. It’s fine. That’s their choice, and I wish they would have done it sooner instead of stringing me along. I’m not angry. It was my sign that we weren’t friends anymore. I deleted them off of social media. Nothing has been said to each ever since.

I want people to know that it’s okay to grow and change. It’s not okay to make others feel bad. It’s not healthy to compare and feel above others. Please don’t be afraid to speak up like I was. The fear of having no one scared me badly. Sometimes having just one good friend is better than having a group of friends. I ended up find my best friend after all of this! We’ve been best friends for six years now. It’s the most healthy and rewarding friendship I’ve ever had. We build each other up and can talk for hours! We don’t judge each at all. We love the simplicity in our lives.

I really just wanted to vent. I hope other people have similar stories to me. Feel free to share.

[calsgirll]

Paris - Ashton Irwin

Ashton Irwin X Reader

word count: 1711

authors note: this is based around the song Paris by the chainsmokers! I heard the song for this first time in a while and this immediately hit me so here it is!❤️

  We were staying in Paris To get away from your parents

It had been a rough year for you and Ashton, with him on tour and you still living at home with your parents. You felt like he’d had no time for you since he started touring with the guys. Due to your past relationships your brain didn’t settle thinking of all the things he could be doing and you wouldn’t even know. One morning you woke up to the sound of your phone going crazy with text messages from the whole band telling you to open your front door. As you padded downstairs at 3am you tried to keep it quiet knowing your parents where probably asleep, you unlatched the door and peeked out not knowing what it would be and being very wary but you looked down and all you saw was a heart shaped foil balloon with a note and rose attached. You picked it up reading the note which said

‘pack your bags and be ready for 6 am. We’re going somewhere special’- Ash

you smiled rubbing your thumb over the small sticker of the Eiffel tower in the corner of the note.

And I thought, "Wow If I could take this in a shot right now I don't think that we could work this out"

“fuck you ash” you scream at him throwing a mug at the wall in anger “are you serious right now y/n, you really believe a few shitty rumours you saw on twitter?” Ashton asks trying to keep calm while you stand in front of him with puffy eyes and damp cheeks “the paparazzi has photos of you leaving a club with her what am I supposed to think” you say trying to collect yourself “do you trust me at all? Because I’m starting to get the hint that you don’t. you knew what you were getting into when we started dating” he snaps back at you now visibly angry at the fact you’re questioning his fidelity. You grab his hand as he tries to walk out “Ash im sorry, it just gets a lot knowing your out there being an amazing drummer with millions of girls throwing themselves at you” you squeak trying to hold in the tears that are threatening to fall any second, he looks at you with a sympathetic smile and sighs “I know its hard not being together all the time but please stay strong because you know I love you” he pulls you into his large frame.

It felt like that was yesterday, the first real fight you’d both had with each other. It was almost as if it was like a polaroid that was constantly hung up in your head. You where so grateful for him and the fact he stayed with you and allowed you both to get to this point.

Out on the terrace I don't know if it's fair but I thought "How Could I let you fall by yourself While I'm wasted with someone else"

Ashton glanced around at the Paris skyline as you both sat on the balcony. The glimmering Eiffel tower caught his eye, a thought popped into his head as he stifled a giggle you looked at him confused as to what he was so amused about “are you a tower? because Eiffel for you” he says with a smug smirk on his face like he’d came up with the line. You smile at him knowing how much of a idiot he was, you were both glad you had this time together, it felt like you were in a relationship with a ghost as he was almost never home and you were waiting around for someone who was out there with a load of other people probably not even having a second thought about you but he was extremely quick to reassure you that wasn’t the case and if it was as much as it would hurt you both he would break it off knowing that it wouldn’t be fair to you.

If we go down then we go down together They'll say you could do anything They'll say that I was clever

You sipped your latte as you sat on a small metal table in front of a small café. Ashton’s scrolling through his phone while you admire the city around you “what are we gonna do today?” you ask Ash like he’s your personal tour guide since he’s been here before. “whatever you want to do, anything you can think of we’ll do it” he says looking up from his phone and squinting when the harsh sunlight hits his hazel eyes. His eyes where like honey in the sun, he always claimed he hated the colour of his eyes whereas you believed they were the most amazing things you’d ever seen “you know I’m bad at making decisions Irwin” you smirk at him “we could go to the Louvre?” he looks up at you once again, you hum in response as you take another sip of your latte “even though they don’t have the best masterpiece, you” he snickered you kicked his shin under the table “youre so lame you know” you state he nods his head gazing back down at his phone.

You look so proud Standing there with a frown and a cigarette Posting pictures of yourself on the internet

You snapped a shot of Ashton next to the Eiffel tower he looked amazing as always he stays stood in the same spot for a while just staring at you, cigarette between your fingers fumbling with your phone he presumed you were adding filters etc. to the picture you just took he strolled over to you resting his chin on your shoulder watching your phone as you tap away at different things trying to make the picture match the theme of your Instagram. As you add the finishing touches to the photo you switch to Instagram before stamping out your cigarette and post it with a rose emoji as the caption and tagging him in it. He turns his head placing a kiss on your cheek “I love you so much” he states, you turn around facing him putting your hand inside his leather jacket wrapping them tightly around his waist “I love you too Ash, thank you” you say breathing in his citrusy cologne “thank you for what?” he asks with a confused look on his face “just being you and sticking with me through all my crazy meltdowns, there’s no one else id rather be with here than you” you say, you feel him kiss the top of your head as he holds you even tighter.

Out on the terrace We breathe in the air of this small town On our own cuttin' class for the thrill of it

Getting drunk on the past we were livin' in

You and Ashton found yourselves back out on the balcony in only your robes in a comfortable silence, tipsy and tired. Your mind began to wonder to where it all started.

“no you didn’t even get close to the bullseye, take a shot” you laugh as you watch him swallow down another shot after missing a dart yet again “I’m starting to think you’re cheating” he mutters “how can you even cheat in darts? You’re just a sore loser who’s to drunk to know I’m the best darts player ever” you giggle slightly slurring your words. It was nearly 2 am and all your friends had left after a drunken night of embarrassing ourselves which left you in a bar on your own with the one and only Ashton Irwin who you recognised from that one underwear song a few years back. He was quick to correct you that it was called she looks so perfect and was also quick to tell you he had changed a lot since then. You both started talking also noticing how his friends also left one bye one “and then there where two” he giggles “I guess so what are the plans then” you ask him sipping the tiny straws that are floating in your mojito glass “back to my hotel to watch some shitty lifetime movie?” he ask studying your face to see your reaction by the way it lit up he knew that you were in “watching shitty lifetime movies is actually my favourite past time” you say grabbing your bag and drinking the last of your cocktail.

You thought it was strange how that one night you spent with him ended up becoming such an amazing relationship. Youre glad it happened so naturally because online dating wasn’t your thing it felt kinda forced. The story was definitely one to tell the grandchildren you though smiling looking down at the empty beer bottle in your hand.

We'll get away with everything Let's show them we are better

It was your last night in Paris and you and Ashton decided to go on a walk around the beautiful city, it was almost 9pm and the sky was sparkling almost as much as the Eiffel tower in front of you “shall we go up?” Ashton asks quietly “Ash you know I’m afraid of heights” you whined wondering why your boyfriend would ask such a dumb question after knowing you for so long “come on please it’ll be worth it I promise” he pleads and after around 10 minutes of bargaining you find yourself half way up the tower waiting to get to the top. Your tight grip on Ashtons hand not releasing in fear you may just drop and fall without his strong arm holding you. You make it to the top and see the twinkling city which makes you forget how high up you are because of its beauty. You speed walk to railing wanting to get a closer look not noticing Ashton wasn’t by your side anymore “Ash have you seen how beautiful this is?” you ask expecting him to come to your side but he didn’t “ashton?” you say turning around to find him down on one knee with the biggest smile on his face ever. Your hands instantly fly to cover your mouth which was agape in shock. “y/n will you marry me?”

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Lullaby

Keanu Reeves x Reader (Chapter Summary- The woes of family getaways and spontaneous vacations might be the key to finally bringing Y/n and Keanu together.) (A/n- The necklace mentioned, if anyone wants to see it.)

Chapter1   Chapter2  Chapter3

Chapter 4

Los Angeles  Family vacations. They were great, they brought siblings together, encouraged everyone out of their comfort zones and all in all, they could be pretty fun. But, they were also pretty hectic; there was always one person who was a bit despondent with the location, another who’d have to join everyone else a day later and finally, someone who was late despite promises for otherwise. That day, the one late person was Keanu, by no fault of his own. 

Okay, maybe some of it was his fault.

For the first time in a long time, he had slept way past the sounding of his alarm clock, jumping awake just as his racy dream slipped though the cracks of his subconscious. After that, Keanu had hurriedly scrambled out of bed, skidding into the walk-in shower and having the fastest shower of his life. Their flight was at seven am- it was quarter to six. Between the length of the ride to the airport and the time he’d have to spend going through security, Keanu would either have hurry up or miss his flight entirely. Hopefully he could do the latter.

With his hair still dripping wet and his skin barely toweled off, he pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans, the closest t-shirt and threw on a coat over his untidy ensemble. As Keanu grabbed his bags from the corner of the closet, he, or at least, he tried to, put his shoes on, nearly falling over. Within fifteen minutes, he was collecting his keys and wallet, and thankfully, before he had gotten dressed, Keanu had taken a couples minutes to call a car. 

Before his watch, which still hung by the band from his fingers could read 6:05 am, Keanu was locking the front door behind himself, activating the security system. The black SUV already sat patiently on the curb at the top of his driveway, the engine humming idly. When he got it, the driver wordlessly peeled away from the sidewalk, speeding up the street, eventually melding into the thin early morning traffic. 

Greece  When Y/n awoke, pressing up from the pillow, tangled in a thick duvet, it took a minute for her to register that she wasn’t at home, the persistent swaying of the boat a little confusing. Though, by the time she sat up, taking in the room, she quickly remembered her location.

The ultra modern, luxurious yacht, which had been on loan by her parents, had been anchored at an exclusive bay, bobbed gently in the water. Warmth filtered into the cabin from the large windows to her left and when Y/n quickly tapped a switch next to the headboard, a series of little bulbs embedded into the ceiling came on at their dimmest setting, the central light source; a sleek chandelier remaining off. 

The familiarity of the room was barely there, but Y/n had stayed in it before; huge and impressive, though not quite as luxurious as the master bedroom that her parents usually stayed in. Hints of navy blue and pale hardwood fixings complimented bright white in a welcoming mix of contemporary design and homey comfort. The cabin was one of two nestled on the top deck, with the other guest cabins being located on the second. 

The vessel was an unnecessarily large one, sporting eight bedrooms as well as a pool, a sizeable kitchen with a large living area and a dining room. And, though Y/n’s family rarely used, “The Heather“, affectionately named in honor of her mother, it was always staffed and ready for guests. The kitchen and bar was kept stocked and the facilities were kept running, presumably for impromptu vacations like the one Y/n was taking with her friends. 

Shaking off the covers, Y/n pulled on her silk robe over her loose, matching nightgown and headed to the ensuite bathroom. It was significantly smaller than the bedroom but its décor not lacking with cream marble floors and walls.

Lazily, Y/n went through her morning routine before joining her friends on the main deck for breakfast on the poolside. Jillian was the first one to greet her, standing from the set table, pulling Y/n into a short hug, “Loving this,” she winked at Y/n’s outfit; a white, chic, strapless, crochet maxi dress paired with braided sandals.

“Thank you!” When they released each other, Y/n reached for the French press and a delicate looking ceramic cup to pour herself a cup of coffee when Catharine quickly hurried over, switching out the empty tea cup for a mimosa with an orange slice wedged to the rim, “Isn’t it too early?” 

“It’s eleven am,” Catharine argued, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear as she sipped her own drink, grey eyes hidden behind dark designer sunglasses, “And we’re on vacation.”

“And it’s like.....one am at home,” Mathew interjected from his seat at the table, “So really its.....”

“Still early,” Tracy rolled her eyes. There were seven of them, and she was the only one drinking coffee, but considering the fact that there was a bottle of whiskey hidden in the cluster of food and dishes laid out, it was probably spiked, “I didn’t realize you were still a dumbass Matt,” she joked dryly, taking a long sip of her coffee.

Mathew scoffed, stuttering uncomfortably; searching for a comeback, only managing, “Didn't realize that you were still a bitch Trace,”  he frowned and she just snickered.

“I’ve always been a bitch,” she smirked.

“Okay,” Jillian turned to Y/n setting down her slice if toast and taking Y/n’s fork from her hand, “While these two get sexy with the foreplay,” she teased sarcastically, receiving jeers of objection from them both, “We should go see the town.”

“Oh, I’ll go too,” Amanda agreed, excitedly followed by Catherine.

“Sounds fun!” Y/n determined.

It was his first actual day on vacation in Greece, Keanu and his family, despite being barely in time for the flight, had landed just as the sun had set on the previous day. They had slept in late, but the next morning, after breakfast at the hotel, he and his sister had decided to go into the small near by city to look around, though, they had ended up parting ways when she stopped at small boutique, informing him that they could meet back at the hotel

Keanu was strolling through a flea market that had dominated a side street, with booths selling everything from fun clothing items to handmade arts and crafts. The aroma of spices from inviting dishes wafted up and down the mile long street, tickling his senses. Surrounding vendors called out persuasively to potential patrons and sometimes Keanu would stop at an interesting booth, standing under the homemade tents as he picked out little trinkets. 

His eyes scanned the his surroundings, really only looking for possible buys, when he caught a glimpse of someone seemingly familiar. She looked ethereal in a white dress that went down to her ankles. Parts of her legs, the ones he had dreamt of touching, kissing, were visible through spaces between the delicate crocheted pattern. Her hair flowed in soft waves, stopping at her shoulders, highlights more noticeable in the sun. A pair of large sunglasses shrouded her identity, but Keanu thought he could recognize the confidence in her gait anywhere, because even if he had only seen it in person once, it had haunted his dreams every night since then.

At the sight of Y/n, Keanu stood frozen in his place in front of a booth that sold hand-woven baskets, debating his options. Should he call out to her? Approach Y/n and her friends or just pretend that a golden opportunity to speak to the woman who had dominated his sub-conscious for two months was something he could ignore?

Though he went to and fro with his options, Keanu didn’t really have a lot of time to think on the matter, make a hurried decision of even hide like a coward, for, the minute Y/n spotted him in the crowd, she whispered something to the ladies that had accompanied her and then they made their way over to him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have been staring.

“Keanu?” Y/n called as she and her friends drew nearer.

“Y/n,” he smiled despite himself. As she approached, Y/n pushed the sunglasses up a top her head, offering him a bright smile. Much to his surprise, she pulled him into a one armed hug, the other staying at her side, holding her handbag, “I haven’t seen you since-”

“The party, yeah,” she said, her hand lingering on his forearm as they broke. Their stance resembled that of old friends, and Keanu wondered if she’d still greet him with the same friendliness if she knew what crude actions followed the thought of her when he was in private. “What brings you to Greece?” She inquired politely, “Business or pleasure?”

“Pleasure,” and when he said it, her brows raised knowingly, her smile suggestive. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Keanu shook his head, his hands slipping into the pockets of his jeans, “Family vacation,” Y/n’s mouth morphed into an unsounded ‘oh’ and he nodded. “What about you?”

“Same, I guess. We’re having sort of a spontaneous getaway,” for a couple minutes, they just stood there; he didn’t know what to say and Y/n looked as if she’d prefer whatever she was thinking to be kept just between them. After a breathy, deflated sigh and a falter in her smile, Y/n was the one to speak up, “I guess I should let you get back to your family.”

Chuckling quietly, Keanu ran a hand through his wind tousled hair, “My sister and I actually split up a ways back. I’m flying solo for now.”

“Oh!” Y/n chortled, and barely thinking of her next words, she thoughtlessly suggested, “Why don’t you walk with us?”

Before Keanu could even process her offer, a blonde girl, who Keanu only noticed when she spoke, interjected hurriedly, “Or better yet, Y/n,” she put her hands on her friend’s shoulders, “Why don’t you two walk together? Since you have so much catching up to do.”

At that, Y/n turned back to her friends, wide eyed and tight lipped, “I....I thought we were shopping together. And what about-”

“Shhh,” another woman spoke, she was a little taller than the other three, hair dyed red and cut short in a stylish pixie cut. She could have been a model, or someone that Keanu should have recognized easily, but her face was hard to place, “Just go babe, we’ll see you back at the boat.”

“Are you sure?” Y/n glanced at the only other person Keanu recognized from the party, a young lady who he had mistaken for Y/n’s sister, though, a quick internet session had proved that they were actually cousins.

“Yes,” Jillian encouraged, “Go, just text us if you need anything. And take good care of her,” Jillian turned to Keanu, offering him a warning stare.

“Will do,” he chuckled, making a cross his heart motion over his chest.

After quick goodbyes and cheek pecks, they separated and Y/n and Keanu set out on wandering the street together, their hands hanging at their sides, her shoulder barely grazing his bicep. Neither of them spoke for a while, but when Y/n did, she didn’t seem as cheery as she was before. Her tone was softer and more inquiring, “So, what have you been up to?”

Keanu shrugged uneventfully, looking around, trying to not show the effect that her presence had on him, “Not a lot. Just work.”

“Filming?” She probed as she stopped at a ceramics booth, admiring a painted vase. Her hands were so small, barely able to go completely around the curved neck. Keanu wondered if her questions were building to a point, maybe to a bigger one where she’d confront him about not going to her house, or maybe she was just being polite. He couldn’t tell. 

“No,” he replied, short and brisk, only going into a bit more detail when they pulled away from the booth, the formally admired vase now Y/n’s, secured in a bag. “At Arch, we’re preparing for a show early next year.” Y/n nodded in silent understanding, “What about you?”

“Me?” Y/n returned with a shrug, “I’ve just been working,” her face was turned away from him as they continued, her eyes scanning the products of different vendors. “You know how it goes; booze, boredom and disappointment,” her words seemed so careless and completely unrelated to their dwindling conversation yet they stuck him so readily, as if it were her intention.

Maybe she had actually wanted him to come the day after the party, dare he say she was offended by his decision to ultimately not go. Apologize, he told himself. Though, right before the words could not so readily leave his lips, because, after all, he didn’t really know what to say, Y/n took his wrist, dragging him into a pub that initially appeared to be nothing more than a hole in the wall. “Come on,” she encouraged excitedly. 

“Why are we in a pub?” Keanu questioned, more confused by their location than the fact that Y/n’s fingers still lingered on his hand.

“For the.....what do you call it?” Y/n snapped her fingers, reclaiming her hand, eyes squinted in concentration, “Ouzo! I’ve never had it!”

“Never?” Keanu asked curiously as they sat at a corner table. It was a small one, meant for just two people and she sat on the other side, just an arms length away. They were secured near the curve of the wall, away from the other patrons and the dim lights that hung over head. 

“Nope,” Y/n confirmed. A waitress came shortly after, placing in front of them what they had ordered at the bar; two glasses, the ice water added before serving making the clear liquor turn milky white, and a small platter of meze. “The last time I came here, it was my parents, and I was like ten.”

What was Keanu doing when she was ten? The thought was enough to remind him that even though Y/n sat across from him, looking more beautiful than he remembered, she was still very young. He shouldn’t think of her the way he had grown used to, dreaming of her like that. She shouldn’t have been the object of his arousal; the face that got him off. She was someone’s daughter, and though every other woman was too, it was plainly obvious with Y/n’s age. Twenty-three was too young, it was perverse, he thought, scolding himself.

“Do you like it?” Keanu grinned, after Y/n took a lengthily initial sip.

Her pretty eyes widened with enjoyment, her smile growing, “That was amazing,” she breathed, popping a piece of cheese into her mouth. As she chewed, Y/n’s smile turned to a grimace and when she swallowed, presumably to be polite, she downed more of her drink and part of Keanu worried that she might be drinking too fast. Little did he know, she had started earlier that morning, “That was goat cheese,” she frowned, “I hate goat cheese.”

“It’s not that bad,” Keanu argued, though when he ate a piece himself, he had to scramble to wash it down with half his drink, “That was not as good as I remember it.”

The rest of the afternoon went by and neither Y/n nor Keanu paid any attention to how long they stayed at the pub, or how much they drank, but when the light filtering in from outside started to dim and Keanu suggested they leave, they both stood with a wobble. After a short to and fro about who should rightfully settle the bill, they ended up splitting it before spilling out drunkenly back onto the street. 

The sun had almost completely sunk into the unseen horizon and majority of the vendors had long packed up, with only those selling food still open. More emboldened by alcohol, they joined hands as they walked aimlessly though the picturesque night life of Agios Nikolaos. 

Warm, yellow artificial lighting washed the narrow streets , coming from the homes that sat on top of family owned business. Sometimes, Y/n wondered what it would be like to come from one of those families; the ones who didn’t have thousands of employees, who were totally dependent one each other to keep their livelihood a float. They must have been close, she often thought when looking on at homes like theirs, they’re relationships might have significantly paled the one she had with her parents. Y/n hadn’t even spoken to either of them since she had her friends left a couple days prior.

As if sensing her sullen mood, Keanu slowed their leisurely pace, looking down at her, “What are you thinking about?” He nudged her shoulder.

“Nothing,” Y/n waved off his question with her free hand, “It’s just, this place is really beautiful,” she gestured around them, hoping he’d believe her lie. The small, sea-side town really was a gem though. As they walked further and further, more small business mixed with aged villa styled homes lined the pleasantly worn streets. The place was like a chuck of history or maybe even vintage beauty saved in time, a treasure for those who would choose to look for it. 

“It is,” Keanu hummed in agreement, “I’ve never been to this part of Greece,” he went on absently, “But my mom suggested that we come, and I can’t say I regret it.”

Y/n smiled at the mention of Keanu’s mother, just remembering that he had come with his family. When was the last time Y/n went on vacation with hers? They had stopped travelling together for pleasure when she had gone off to college, and after, she’d only take trips with them for events that her mother had been invited too or business trips with her father. 

They continued in comfortable silence, their frames close together as they followed the road. The air felt cool against her skin and the alcohol flowing through her system was the only thing keeping Y/n from shivering. Keanu’s hand seemed to swallow hers up in comfortable warmth and occasionally, she’d steal glances at him, admiring his handsome profile, quickly turning back when she’d suspect that Keanu would notice.

As they walked, something to her left caught Y/n’s eye, causing her to pull Keanu towards the darkened store front of an antique shop, “Where are we going?” He chuckled, “This place is closed.”

“I know,” she frowned, “But look at this, it’s so beautiful,” Y/n pointed out a handmade piece that stood out among other fine pieces of jewelry; set in dark silver, a sizeable pearl dominated the center with other, smaller pearls around it, and finally, even tinier ones to fill the spaces. The round pendant hung on a thin silver chain that looked as if it were shined daily. The price was hidden in the velvet cushion that it laid on, but Y/n was right; it was gorgeous. “It looks Bayzantinian,” she mused, “I wonder if it’s real, and if it is, what’s it doing here?”

Keanu had recognized the necklace’s historical connection from the minute he saw it, asking himself the same questions she had vocalized, but he was a little surprised with Y/n’ s knowledge on it. Needless to say, he hadn’t expected that from her, “How did you know that?”

It took a minute before she turned to look at him, a soft smile still ghosting her lips, “Huh? Oh, when I was in college I.....knew,” dated, “This History professor. He was also an archeology junkie, and had this kind of stuff all over his house.”

Y/n explanation fell off her lips as if it were nothing, as if it were normal for her to just hang out with older men. Surly this professor in question would have to be one; not a lot of men in their twenties or thirties collected replicas of ancient artifacts - or taught college grade history.

Before Keanu could press the issue any further though, Y/n was pulling him along the side walk again, and he tried to shake off his tumultuous thoughts.

When Y/n and Keanu got to the beach, it was late and most light came from the string of beach houses and hotels a distance away from the shore. Having stopped at several other bars in their attempt to be bar hopping tourists; they were far drunker than they had been before. Keanu thought that his eyes might be playing tricks on him and Y/n didn’t think that she could trust herself to get back on the boat without falling into the water. 

“We go should in!” She suggested excitedly at the thought. Without his consent, Y/n was already pulling Keanu towards the water.

“Okay, but only our feet,” Keanu tried to sound stern, but hadn't realized how slurred his words were. Despite his drunkenness, he faintly remembered that swimming whilst drunk wasn’t one’s safest move.

Clumsily, they hastily kicked off their shoes, cold water reaching their just above their ankles as they went in. A shiver racked Y/n’s body and Keanu felt goosebumps raise on his skin. Still, they stayed in and at some point, Y/n’s hand had slipped out of his and she had gone a little deeper in, until the water was at her knees. “You shouldn’t go in that far,” Keanu warned.

“Oh yeah?” She challenged with a smirk, “What are you gonna do about it?” Without giving him a minute to respond, Y/n bent forward, her hands going into the water, arms rearing back. The whole thing happened so fast that in an instant, a wave of cold, salty water was hitting Keanu in the face, soaking his hair and making his grey button up cling to his chest. 

“That was not funny,” he tried to maintain a serious expression, failing miserably.

“I thought it was funny,” Y/n shot back, splashing him again, “But if its not, then maybe you should do something about it,” laughing, her expression illuminated by only the light coming from at least half mile away, Y/n took another step back. Her dress, by then, had started to billow up in the water, and instead of hanging down to her ankles, it was floating around her, waves shifting it how they pleased. Her chest was wet too, and he could see that the dress, much like the one she had worn to the party, didn’t warrant the need for a bra. It all clung to her skin in a way that was so distracting.....and arousing. After another wave hit him in the face, Y/n drunkenly suggested, “Maybe you should John Wick me.”

Keanu threw his head back in rumbling laughter, “John Wick you? What does that mean?” He questioned, taking a few steps forwards, accepting that ‘dipping their feet’ had turned into something far from it.

Y/n shrugged, her hands threaded the water around her, but she wasn’t moving, “I don’t know. But I do know that he wouldn’t just stand there and let me do that, especially if he thought it, ‘wasn’t funny’,” Y/n’s lips morphed into a teasing pout, “But you’re all bark no bite,” she continued taunting him.

Rolling his eyes, Keanu scoffed, knowing that Y/n was just trying to push his buttons. Again she splashed him and her eyes almost shouted ‘I dare you to make me stop’. Without think about it, Keanu was closing the space between them, tackling her, sending them both underwater.

Instinctively Y/n’s arms went around him, their fronts pressed together. He could feel everything, from the rise and fall of Y/n’s chest with each slow breath, to how hard her nipples had gotten from the cold and the softness of her legs on his calves. There was hair in both their faces and even as they regained their composure, Keanu still held her in his arms.

Swallowing tightly, Y/n reached to tangle her thin fingers in Keanu’s wet hair, urging his face down towards hers. That time, she didn’t wait for the air to push them together, for someone to interrupt them or for things to just happen naturally. No, instead, Y/n smashed her lips to Keanu’s. His resistance was all but existent and in a beat, he was kissing her back, his tongue slipping past he barrier of her teeth. 

It was just a kiss. The kind where his hand slid down her back, holding her close, where she gently tugged on fistfuls of his hair. Y/n melted against him, crashing waves nearly pushing them down, cold, gentles breezes threatening to break the warmth they offered each other. It was just a kiss, but as Keanu groped and kneaded her behind and Y/n moaned against his touch, it was turning into so much more.

********

Tagging- @baphometwolf666  @a-really-bi-girl​  @paanchu786​ @harrisongslimited​

[theycallmebecca]

Hey! Can I have 32. "What if I love you?"

You know what happens when your mind is free to think about stories while you spend close to five hours of a work day (including commuting to and from work) in a car? You get an idea that starts out small and becomes MASSIVE. So this drabble is the longest one I’ve written for this whole collection. Thanks to @nomadicpixel for her help with this one.

And since this behemoth took me like three hours to write, I haven’t had a chance to work on any of the three remaining prompts. Which means that I will be taking this weekend off from posting again with the goal of writing the said three remaining prompts to share with you all next week. Since Tumblr can sometimes be a brat about links, I will reblog this post with a link to the masterlist, prompt list and tags.

Title: Band of Misfits

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: a little bit of angst

Prompt #: 32 - “What if I love you?”

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Coming out of the bathroom, you glanced back at the door to the bedroom where you’d left Steve sleeping and silently wished him a good night. A small part of you wondered what it would be like staying all night with him, but that would break rule number one, always sleep at home.

Quietly, you made your way across his Brooklyn apartment and had almost reached his front door when you heard his voice, not from his bedroom but from the dark living room.

“What if I love you?”

His question hung in the air and you froze.

“What if I love you?” He said, again, his tone clear and to the point, letting you know that he wasn’t asking you a question, but stating a fact.

Turning around, you saw him step out of the shadows, revealing his naked body to you. The very same body that had just pleasured your own for the last couple hours.

“Is this really a conversation you want to have naked?” you asked him.

“We both know the second I turn my back, you’ll leave,” he stated.

He was right. Damnit.

He was also waiting for you to give him an answer, but you didn’t have an answer for him.

You didn’t do the love thing. Hell, you weren’t even sure what love actually was. You’d been abandoned as a sick infant and had grown up in the foster care system because you hadn’t been the perfect child every set of perspective parents had been looking for. No one had wanted you and you’d left the system at age eighteen with the desire to see the world.

The next ten years had seen you moving from city to city, state to state and, eventually, country to country. You’d only stayed in a place long enough to plan your next move and make the money, usually by waiting tables or bartending, to go. You’d met people and had hooked up, but nothing had ever lasted.

Then you’d come to New York City and gotten a job at a bar in Brooklyn. That’s where you’d met Steve and, eventually, his band of misfits (or so you called his group of friends). That had been two years ago.

You’d felt a kinship to Steve and his friends almost instantly; a feeling that had been strange and somewhat unnerving to you, but you hadn’t run away from it. Instead, you had embraced it, to a certain extent, and, for the first time in your life, had been part of a group.

And, for the last eighteen months, you and Steve had been hooking up on a regular basis. Always at his apartment so you could go home and sleep in your own bed afterwards. It had been perfect.

After taking a deep breath, you spoke as calmly as you could manage. “Steve, you know I don’t deal with that stuff,” you told him, unable to even speak the word ‘love’. “Why do you have to complicate this? Everything is perfect.”

“Everything is not perfect when you break my heart a little bit each time you leave,” Steve replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “I love you and I want to have a relationship with you. The real kind where our friend’s don’t pretend they don’t know that we’re having sex three nights a week before you go run home because of a stupid rule you made up when you were -”

The pressure built inside of you had he spoke and finally you couldn’t take it anymore. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” you exclaimed.

Steve shut up instantly and watched you.

“You know what I went through as a kid,” you reminded him. “You know why I am the way I am. Why I have to protect myself from the world. No one cares -”

“I care,” Steve interrupted you. “I love you and so do our friends. We’ve all experienced the world telling us we’re not worth it and had those times when we had no one else to turn to. But look at us now. We’re our own, chosen family.

"You’ve been a part of our family for two years and I want you and I to make our own branch of this new, amazing family tree,” he continued, his voice thick with emotion. “My heart is yours.”

You shook your head as a sense of numbness surged through your body. “I can’t, I just can’t,” you told him. You opened your mouth as if to say something else, but no words came out.

Steve stood on the other side of the room for a moment longer before he spoke again. “I’ll wait for you.” Then he turned and went into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

You stood by his front door for a long time, trying to process everything that had just happened. Finally, a single word came to mind:

Run.

You’d left that night, taking everything that would fit in your backpack. It had been hard, parting with some things that reminded you of the misfits, but dropped some stuff off at Natasha’s apartment on your way to the train station. Including a letter to her, asking to take care of a few things for you.

Like telling Steve you’d left.

Wanting to get out of New York, you’d taken the first train that left the state and had made your way down the eastern seaboard. Then you’d headed out west, ultimately ending up in Nashville, Tennessee, where you only stayed for a couple weeks. Too many songs about unrequited love and broken hearts.

Unlike your previous travels, you found yourself finding a fault with every town new town you found yourself in and unable to settle in any of them. None of them seemed like the right place for you.

It took three months of traveling around the United States and a month traveling in New Zealand for you to admit to yourself that there wasn’t a place that could replace New York City for you. Further revelations had come to you in Australia when you realized that it wasn’t the city that was magic to you, but the people you had left behind.

It had taken you another few weeks to admit that the person you missed the most was Steve. But you were still adamant that you weren’t in love with him. At least not in the type of love that was described in sappy movies and books.

With six months of traveling between you and Steve’s declaration, you found yourself backpacking in Europe. You’d gotten used to the strange looks people gave you when you told them that you were traveling alone. It was how you preferred to be.

Most of the time.

It wasn’t until you were walking down an old cobblestone path and saw someone who reminded you of Natasha that you suddenly felt like you weren’t where you were supposed to be. You longed, not for your tiny apartment, but the bar where you’d met the Misfits. Natasha and her tough girl attitude. Bucky and his ability to charm the pants off of everyone. Sam and his stupid jokes. Maria and her ability to see right through you. And Steve…

You missed everything about Steve. Right down to the stupid way he put his hands on his hips when he was disappointed in you.

It was there on the cobblestone streets that tears rolled down your cheeks for the first time since you were a kid. And you realized you were homesick for the first time in your entire life.

You returned to your hotel room and had the sudden urge to hear a friendly voice. You picked up the receiver in your room and started to dial Steve’s number, but chickened out before dialing the last few numbers. You couldn’t talk to him. Not yet.

Instead, you dialed Natasha’s number, hoping you’d catch her at a good time. She answered on the third ring. You timidly told her who it was and felt your heart skip a beat when she exclaimed that she missed you.

Then the connection started to break up and you only caught three words:

“Steve-”

“-wedding-”

“-Saturday.”

The line went dead after that and you felt your stomach drop.

Steve was getting married on Saturday?

“I’ll wait for you.”

Steve’s final words to you came back and you shook your head. Natasha had to be mistaken. Unless your disappearance had opened the door for Steve to find someone new. Or maybe develop new feelings for someone he knew?

You slept fitfully that night and gave up before the sun made its appearance with your mind made up. You were going home.

Two long train rides later, you found yourself in Paris, France, waiting for your flight to New York City that was scheduled to land in New York City sometime Saturday morning. You just hoped you could find Steve in time.

You managed to sleep some on the flight, but the adrenaline to get to Steve in time kept you going as you all but ran out of the airport. You weren’t sure what you were going to tell Steve, but you had to see him one last time before he got married. If he got married.

As the cab driver made his way towards Steve’s Brooklyn apartment, you tried to gather your thoughts, but they were sporadic and refused to come together. It wasn’t until the driver was around the corner from Steve’s place that one word seemed to fight it’s way through the mess:

Love.

“We’re here,” the driver announced.

And you looked up in time to see Steve coming down the stone steps of his building wearing a black suit. Your eyes met his and he missed the last step, but caught himself before he could hit the ground.

“Are you getting out?” the driver asked.

“Yes,” you managed to reply. You paid him and then grabbed your backpack before you opened the car door.

The cab merged into traffic seconds after you closed the door. Leaving you and Steve alone on the sidewalk.

“I’m back,” you announced, instantly feeling like an idiot.

“So I see,” Steve replied. “You look good.”

“Thanks, you look good, too,” you said and gestured to the suit. “Big day today.”

He nodded his head. “It’s about time, too,” he said. “I didn’t think Sam was ever going to work up the courage to ask Maria out and now they’re getting married.”

“Sam and Maria!” you exclaimed, feeling the lead weight that had been sitting in your stomach for the last three days all but vanish.

Steve studied you for a second before saying, “Who did you think was getting married today?”

In the past, you had learned how to read his emotions based on his expression and his stance, but you found yourself unable to as the two of you stood on the sidewalk. You’d seen the initial shock that had crossed his face at your appearance, but had masked his emotions since and you knew you just had to go for it. He’d told you where his heart and mind were months ago. Now you had to do the same.

“I took two trains and a plane to get here in hopes that I’d be able to talk to you before you got married,” you confessed, feeling hints of your exhaustion seep into your body. Or maybe it was more of the emotions you’d tapped into on that cobblestone street.

“You know my background, Steve, you know that I’ve never had a home or a family,” you continued. “And then I met you and your band of misfits. And you guys took me in under your wing and let me experience what it’s like to truly be loved. Only, I didn’t realize it until I walked away from you all.”

“What are you saying?” Steve asked.

“What if I love you?” you said, repeating his question from that night months ago. “Do you still love me? Can I be with you? Can I be a part of your misfit family?”

Instead of answering verbally, Steve closed the distance between the two of you and kissed you, his hands cupping your face in a firm but gentle manner. You’d kissed him before, but it had been nothing like the kiss he gave you now. This kiss told you everything you needed to know.

He still loved you.

He wanted to be with you.

And you were part of his family forever.

The sound of a phone ringing interrupted the kiss and it took Steve a moment to realize it was coming from his pocket. He answered the phone and then glanced at you before telling whoever was on the other end that he was running late but had a surprise for everyone.

Then he led up you to his apartment and opened the coat closet door, revealing all of the clothing and personal items that you had left behind in your furnished apartment because they didn’t fit in your backpack.

“I knew you would come back eventually,” he told you as he watched you grab a dress. “And you’d need clothes.”

Turning towards him, you pressed your lips against his briefly. “I could get used to that,” you said with a small laugh.

“We might not get to if we aren’t at the church around the corner in the next fifteen minutes,” Steve said with a smile. “Nat is stalling for us, but you know how Maria is.”

You changed quickly and then you and Steve all but ran to the church. Bucky was pacing the lobby when the two of you burst through the doors and he stopped when he saw you. He stared at you for a second before he shouted with glee and ran to give you a hug.

His shout brought Sam out of the groom’s room and he greeted you with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He then had Steve lead you down to where Maria and Natasha were getting ready, knowing that the two women would be happy to see you, too.

The moment Natasha opened the door and saw you standing there, she yanked you into the room and slammed it closed in Steve’s face. Then she wrapped you in a hug and told you off for disappearing into thin air. You got the same response from Maria, who, after scolding you, started crying saying she was so happy that the whole family was there for her wedding. Then she insisted that you be a part of the wedding party.

After spending nearly seven months running away from your family, you openly cried as you watched two of them exchange their vows in front of the small group that had gathered for the ceremony. You still had a lot to learn about love and family, but you knew you had the right people around you to learn from.

[stormtrprinstilettos]

Fun’s For Free - Chapter 8 (Roger x Reader) (smut)

Summary: It’s 1978 and you’re assigned to follow Queen on their North American tour to promote their new album. Only problem is the magazine you write for has not been kind to the band in the past, and someone has a hard time letting go of that fact.

Series Masterlist Here

In this “episode”: He can’t keep a damn secret, but that’s ok. But wait… he what??

Word Count: ~4.6k

Warnings: Language, smut and even some fluff. 18+

[A/N: Two more chapters left, y’all. If there’s a desire for it, we can always have a Part 2, so let me know!]

November 27, 1978 – somewhere in rural Ohio

The bus broke down and you’re all standing on the side of the road wondering where you are. You’re trying to lighten the mood, but no one is having it. Daisy left with some of the crew to find help, so at least you didn’t have to hear her whining. You’re kind of wishing you’d have gone along for the ride too, though, because if you have to listen to one more second of Brian and Roger bicker you’re going to scream, which is why you’re trying to lighten the mood. “Could be worse. We could be in Kansas,” you say, finding it funny, but no one else does.

“Oh, fuck Kansas, and fuck Ohio,” Roger grunts. “Fuck all of this. We should have taken a plane.”

“No one knew this would happen,” Brian grunts back. “So how could we have known to take a plane?”

“Oh, fuck’s sake, Brian, do you always have to try to be reasonable?” Roger snaps. “It’s exhausting listening to you…”

You quickly grab Roger’s arm and tug him away. “Let’s go sit on the bus,” you tell him calmly.

“Why?” he snips. “There’s nothing I can do in there.”

“There’s nothing you can do out here either,” you say through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to have to report that Queen broke up because their bus broke down.”

“Always witty,” he replies with sarcasm. “That’s exhausting too, you know.”

You yank his arm and make him start walking. “Your bitchy attitude is also exhausting but I don’t complain about it.” Finally, you got him to laugh. “I like you better this way.”

He drops himself into a seat and pulls you down to sit on his lap. “I’m just ready to get to the hotel and get us out of these clothes,” he chuckles as he pokes your sides.

“Calm down, Blondie,” you giggle. “Last night should hold you over for a little while, don’t you think?”

“No,” he murmurs in your ear. “Last night made up for the whole week I’ve gone without.” He nibbles on your ear lobe two times before pulling away.

“A whole week?” you ask, turning around and looking confused. “You had Nashville Nancy 5 days ago.”

He rolls his eyes and shoves you off. “I did not.” He looks at you with a smirk as you’re standing in front of him with your hands on your hips. “I got pissed at the bar and fucking passed out in my clothes when I got in the room.” You start to laugh hysterically and he’s trying hard to fight back his laugh, but he can’t. “And I guess I was talking and kept calling her your name. I don’t remember any of it.” He pulls you close and hugs you around your waist. “I’m surprised you even spoke to me after that.”

“To be fair, I didn’t really speak,” you giggle and massage the top of his head with your fingers. “It was more like yelling.”

He rest his head on your stomach and holds you tighter. “I deserved it. I deserved more than that, actually.” Before the conversation could get any deeper, the guys walk on the bus in a much better mood than they were. Roger didn’t let you go. “Let’s go in the back,” he groans. “We can go back to sleep.”

November 28, 1978 – Buffalo, New York

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you!” Daisy yells at you from down the backstage hall. “The guys are fun and all that, but you can’t just leave me alone with them!”

Your laughter is echoing. “Stop being so dramatic. They won’t hurt you.”

She looks at you suspiciously and starts to smirk. “You were with him weren’t you?” Your eyes start to glare and her smirk still stays. “Come on, Y/N, just admit it.”

“We have to get out there,” you groan. “We’re in the front tonight.” You grab her arm and start walking, but she yanks her arm away.

“I know there’s something going on here, and the sooner you tell me, the sooner I stop annoying you about it.”

“In case you forgot, I’m here for a story. I sneak off with each one of them from time to time.”

She doesn’t believe any of it. “Then why did the roadie with the black hair tell me about how Roger snapped when that guy touched you the other night, hmm? Or about how he saw Roger leaving your room the other morning…” She notices the look on your face and starts to chuckle. “I knew you were going to do this again. I knew it. I told Mike he was making a mistake sending you.”

“Oh shut up, Daisy,” you groan. “You wanted this gig from the start and you’re so bitter that I got it and not you.”

She snaps. “I don’t even know how you still have a job after what you did during that Zeppelin interview.”

“So I partied with them,” you snip. “Just like I party with these guys. Just like you party with the people you interview. It’s part of our job.”

“It’s not part of our job to have sex any of the band members, Y/N.” Her mouth drops open and she gasps. “You’re fucking Mike too, aren’t you? That’s why he didn’t fire you!” She starts to laugh. “Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.”

“I don’t have time for this shit,” you groan as you walk away.

Daisy starts to follow you, but she’s quickly cut off by Roger. “I don’t appreciate being the subject of gossip,” Roger tells her as he takes a slow drag of his cigarette. “The quicker you learn that the better.”

“Yeah?” she chuffs. “You didn’t seem to mind when people talked about us last February.”

“Excuse me?” he asks.

“I’m not that surprised you don’t remember,” she says as she twirls her hair with a finger. “But it does hurt my ego a little to know that you don’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, almost immediately realizing what she’s trying to say. “Oh really? Well, you mustn’t have been impressive. Because I really don’t remember.” He takes another drag of his cigarette and gives her a wink before heading to the stage.

There were a few hitches in the show tonight, none that you thought made it a disaster, but the guys weren’t happy about the performance at all. A few miscues, Brian’s overextended solo, and Freddie’s inability to hit certain notes frustrated them all to the point that none of them were even speaking to each other on the ride back to the hotel. Once you all arrived back, they all scurried away from each other and locked themselves in their rooms. You and Daisy didn’t even bother trying to talk to them, deciding instead to head to the hotel bar.

“Does this happen often?” she asked as she sat at the bar next to you.

You giggle and take light a cigarette after you order your drink. “Them not speaking? Yeah,” you sigh. “They’ll be fine tomorrow.” You tense your brows and look over to her. “I’m not fucking Mike, just so you know. I’m not exactly his type, since he’s, you know, gay.”

She throws her head in her hands and groans. “Is he really?” she asks. “I didn’t know…” She picks her head up and looks at you, minor frustration on her face. “You’re right. I was completely bitter about you getting this assignment.” She takes a sip of her drink and smiles. “But I can see you’re doing a good job here.” She starts to laugh. “I don’t know how you’re handing them all the time. When I was sent to one of their shows last year I couldn’t handle being with them for very long. And here you are, a whole month and you haven’t lost your mind.”

“Oh, I lost it a few times,” you chuckle. “I just managed to find it.” Suddenly it dawns on you what she just said. “Wait. I didn’t know you…”

“Yeah,” she giggles. “One of their shows last tour. I didn’t use my name on the write up. It was terrible. That was when you were in Florida somewhere.” Her face suddenly turns to one full of guilt. “Can I confess something to you?” You raise your brow, not sure if you want to hear, but you nod, letting her know it was okay. “That night I was pretty strung out. So was…” She suddenly stops and looks behind you, causing you to turn around and see Roger walking up.

“Hello, ladies,” he says with a smile, taking the seat next to you. “Do you mind if I join you?” He orders a drink and lights a cigarette. “So what are we yapping about?”

“You,” Daisy giggles. “Is that okay?” You glare over at her and she laughs. “I’m just kidding.”

“Actually,” you start, “Daisy was just telling me about when she hung out with you guys last year.” His face turns shocked, and you don’t know why. “I didn’t know she was there.” You put out your cigarette and start to laugh. “I don’t think it’s fair I got yelled at for stuff she wrote, Roger.” When you look back at him, his face is still shocked, and now you’re starting to wonder why. “Jesus, you look scared. Was it that bad of a time?” Neither him or Daisy is saying a word, and you’re starting to get annoyed because you don’t know what the hell is going on. “Okay, one of you needs to speak because…”

He clears his throat and takes a sip of his beer. “It seems Daisy here is a hypocrite,” he says. You glare at her again, but this time she’s avoiding eye contact with you. “See, Daisy keeps giving you problems about… you and me,” he says. “But Daisy…”

“Oh my God,” you say as you start laughing and running your fingers through your hair. “Oh my God.” You can’t get anything else out of your mouth. Your laughter immediately stops and you yell. “Oh my God!” You jump up from your seat and don’t know if you want to slap her or walk away. “You two?” you ask. “Are you for real right now?”

“Oh, come on, it was 5 minutes and it’s not like he even remembers,” Daisy snaps.

An angry laugh starts to come through and you can’t stop it. “You are constantly berating me over something I did one time two years ago and now I find out this happened?” You look over at Roger who doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t know if you’re mad at him. “I don’t even care that it happened. I do care that this bitch loves to try to make me feel like a slut when she’s no better.”

“Five minutes, five hours, five times, it doesn’t matter, Y/N,” she groans. “All you are is an easily accessible piece of ass for him when he can’t find anyone else so don’t think whatever you’re doing is any less slut-like.”

“That is not what she is at all!” Roger yells. “I’m actually crazy about this girl. She’s not just some floozy who gives it to me whenever I want it. I will have you know that…” You hurry and cover his mouth, making him shut up.

Daisy is sitting there, mouth open and stunned. “If you say one fucking word, I swear, Daisy,” you grumble.

“Wow,” is all she can muster. “I had no idea. I thought you two were just…”

“Well we’re not,” Roger tells her. “We’re not and do not say a word or I will ruin you.”

Without a word, he looks you straight in the eye, deeply, unmistakably in awe of every inch of you as you lean against the door of his room. “Roger,” you say softly, the way someone speaks when they find something they thought they’d lost and would never find again. Quiet awe.

He reaches his hands up to cup your face. “Y/N.” His tone was not one of awe, but of confirmation, all-knowing, with a total eye contact he had never shied away from before, but this time it never left. Not for a second. You’re still in mild shock, but you never look away from him. Before you can experience the classic pre-kiss hesitation you’ve grown so accustomed to, he pulls your face to his and holds it you kiss, long, slow, and full, your tongues reflecting all the ways you desperately want to trace one another’s bodies.

“I can’t believe you told her…” you giggle before he cuts you off.

“I’m tired of hiding my feelings. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same about me. But dammit, Y/N, I think I’m in love with you…” You smile and move in for a kiss, pulling the waistband of his pants so he’ll be closer to you. He’s tense, and nervous – you’ve never seen him like this before, but you know this conversation is going to go nowhere unless he relaxes. “Did I fuck up?” he asks, still holding your face. “I don't want to ruin everything by going too fast.”

"Oh, so you want me to take it slow?" you smile as you slipped to your knees in front of him. The moonlight shining through the window reflects in his eyes as you look up with a grin, both sweet and evil at the same time. You slowly unzip his pants and slide your hand inside.

"That is not… quite what I meant," he groans with a soft chuckle.

"Then what did you mean?" you ask, playfully, as you unbuckle his belt and open his pants. You pull the band of his briefs down and release his already throbbing hard cock. You looked up at him as you leaned closer, your soft, warm tongue finding the throbbing head of his prick, and circle it playfully three times.

"I have no idea anymore," he moans. You giggle at his reaction then put you soft lips around his cock and slowly started bobbing your head up and down with a slow corkscrew motion, taking more of his cock into your mouth each time you go down. He was starting to relax finally.

"Is this going slow enough for you?" you ask with a sweet smile as your hand traverses his cock from its base to its head painfully slowly. Up and down you move your hand, jerking him off painfully slowly as you looked up and watch his face.

"You are a bad, bad girl," he groans with a chuckle.

"Oh, I'm going too fast, you say?" you giggle as you stop your hand at the base of his cock and grip him just hard enough to drive him crazy.

"Ok, now you're just being mean," he groans as you bite softly on your lower lip, your hand stationary as your eyes sparkled up at him.

"What are you going to do about it?" you smile.

"I will…" he says and then pauses. He truly has no idea what he’s going to do about it. He knows he’s at a very distinct disadvantage. He knows you have all the control, but he has to at least pretend that isn't true, because he never relegates control. He has to show that he has some say, which must be why he says, "I'll make you wait a whole week for sex."

"Oh, really?" you ask with a very amused look. He knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on and so do you.

"No, not a chance," he chuckles as he reaches out and gathers a handful of your hair in his hand. "I can never resist you."

"Good," you say as you look up at him from your knees, your hand still gripping his throbbing hard cock. "As long as we're clear about that."

"We are, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to spank you," he says in his best authoritative voice.

"Mmm, do you promise?" you ask, biting down on your lower lip. He nods, and you smile as you wrap your soft lips around the head of his cock again and start bobbing your head up and down as he holds your hair tightly in his fist. Your eyes look up at him as you take every hard inch into your mouth.

"Fuck… yes," he groans, enjoying what you’re doing to him. He firmly holds onto your hair as his knees grow weak, knowing he won't last much longer. Every inch of his body is in ecstasy as his cock slides in and out of your mouth, your lips massaging his flesh and your tongue driving him over the edge. He lets out a loud groan as he feels himself getting closer, until he finally comes with a vengeance, filling your mouth with his seed.

"Was that slow enough for you?" you coo after sliding his cock from your mouth.

"That was amazing," he says as he catches his breath.

He lifts you up and lays you on the bed, your eyes looking up at him as he soaks you in for a moment before kneeling on the floor. He pulls you closer to the edge and puts your legs on his shoulders as he kisses your thighs over your pants before reaching up and sliding them down. After slowly making his way back up, his tongue finds your clit and makes soft, slow circles that barely even touch. "You are such a tease," you groan as his tongue continues making the soft little circles that were driving you wild. He sucks your clit playfully into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it faster and with more pressure. "Oh, fuck!" you yell as he looks up at you, your head pressed back into the pillow, your chest rising and falling with each deep breath.

"Payback is hell, isn’t it?" he smiles and you stick your tongue out at him as you flip him off. "That's very mature of you," he chuckles as you tightly wrap your legs around him and his face goes back down between your legs. He flicks his tongue playfully across the lips before rolling it and slipping it inside you.

"Yes, that's it," you cry out as you reach down and grab his hair with both hands, he still teasing your dripping wet pussy with his tongue. Every time his tongue slides between the lips, your hips thrust upwards and you hands push his face down harder into your sweetness. Your breathing is getting faster and more labored as your body squirms beneath him.

"I could eat you all night," he moans as he looks up at you with those blue eyes.

"Promise?" you moan softly.

"Yep," he says as he buries his face between your legs again, sliding his hands up your torso. His tongue slips inside you as his hands cup your heaving breasts over the fabric of your shirt. You let out a string of little screams and moans, your legs wrapping around him like a clamp. You scream as your start to reach your climax, and he does his best to devour every drop of your sweet juices. You ride out your orgasm until you go limp on the bed, releasing your legs from around his back. He kisses your body softly as he looks up at you, your eyes closed as you catch your breath.

"Was that slow enough for you?" he chuckles as he stands up in front of the bed, feeling like a warrior that had just conquered his prey.

"Oh, shut up," you giggle. "You’re really good at that."

"I know. I can tell," he says cockily with a wink as he bends over, grabs your hands and pulls you up to kneel on the bed. He kisses your soft lips deeply as his hands work on getting your shirt off. He grabs your ass playfully as you start to make out like teenagers. Your tongues twirl around each other as he reaches around and unsnaps the clasp of your bra, causing it to fall on the bed between you. He breaks your kiss and leans back, drinking you in, his cock rock hard all over again. He leans back in to kiss you, this time guiding you to lay back down.

He slides his cock inside of you, and even though it’s happened before, right now it feels like he’s doing it for the very first time. Your whole body is on fire and your mind reeling with just how much life had changed over the past month. Your eyes meet with his as he starts fucking you with slow deep thrusts. It’s almost as if he’s on auto-pilot, giving you a few partial thrusts and then a full, deep thrust that makes you scream. You love feeling his body above you and every little sound that he makes turns you on more and more. "Fuck, Y/N," he groans. "You feel so damn good."

"Yes, Roger," you moan as you bite down hard on his shoulder, causing him to moan loudly. He gives you a series of deep thrusts before slipping it from your dripping wet pussy, making you whimper. "No! More!" you plead with a pained laugh.

"Oh, there is going to be more," he says as he sits up, pulling you over his lap, letting his hand rest on your ass as your body squirms.

"You're not really going to spank me, are you?" you giggle as his hand goes up into the air and comes back down, making a thwack that echoed through the room. "Ouch!" you yelped, laughing.

"Oh, you think it’s funny?" he asks, chuckling.

He slaps your ass again, and you look over your shoulder at him. "Is that all you've got?" you laugh as he spanks you again.

“I always keep my promises,” he says as he lays on the bed and pulls you on top of him. He guides himself deep into you with one deep thrust, holding your hips. "You like it like this, right baby?" he whispers.

"Yes," you say in a struggled whisper as you hold yourself up by your hands on his chest. His fingertips find your clit and you let out a heavy sigh as he starts to rub as you rock back and forth on his cock. You’re moaning and grinding, every inch of him inside of you.

"Are you ready?" he asks as his hands slide up to your back. You hurriedly shake your head yes, and he pulls you down to him, his cock pounding away, wanting to make the moment last forever. But you feel him explode inside of you, sending wave after wave of his cum deep inside of your box. He doesn’t let you go, even as your pussy grips down hard on him. He doesn’t let you go as all of the energy escapes from your body and you fall completely down onto his chest. He doesn’t ever want to let you go. He looks up at you as you struggle to raise your head, trying to catch your breath, and smiles. "Just stick with me. There’s more where that came from.”

November 29, 1978 – Buffalo, New York, 10am

"You are amazing, Y/N," he whispers in your ear the next morning when he feels you wake up. “And perfect,” he says before giving you a kiss on the back of your shoulder. “Every… single… inch…” he whispers, each words emphasized by another small kiss.

You giggle and groan as you roll over to face him with a smile on your face. “Can’t we just stay here forever?” You bring the palm of your hand to his face. “I don’t want this to end.”

He kisses your forehead and pulls you into him. “It doesn’t have to,” he tells you. “We can always have this.”

You strain to look at the clock on the nightstand and groan. “We have to get up,” you sigh. “The bus leaves in 30 minutes.”

The phone starts to ring and now he groans. “This better be fucking important,” he says when he lifts the receiver to his ear. “Yeah, Deaky, I’m up.” He rolls his eyes and looks at you. “Yeah, she’s here.” Your eyes get big and you’re silently fussing at him as he hands you the phone.

“Get him out of bed and dressed and down here,” John laughs. “And we can only keep Daisy distracted for so long so…”

You and Roger hurry and get dressed, trying to decide who is going to walk out first. You try to find your shirt but can’t, so you grab one of Roger’s that sitting on the chair and throw it on. “I’ll go first,” you say as you rush to the mirror and try to pull your hair up and look somewhat presentable.

“You look fine,” Roger tells you as he starts to get dressed. “Go.” You run over and give him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you at the bus.”

You smile and start to run out the door, but you quickly run back to him. He gives you an amused, questioning look. “I think I’m in love with you, too, you know.” You give him another quick kiss and run out the door before he can even say anything.

When you get to the lobby you see Daisy first, sitting on a chair looking absolutely livid. You don’t know why you’re concerned about her, but you are, so you hurry over to see what’s wrong. She glares at you like she’s about to slash you, and you don’t know why. “Japan? Really? When were you going to tell me?”

“What are you even talking about?” you ask.

She stands up and chuffs. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. How are you getting all of the good shit? You’ve only been at the magazine for a year. I’ve been there for five and I’m not getting anything.”

“Daisy!” you yell, snapping her out of it. “What are you taking about? I’m not going to Japan.”

“Yes, you are!” Freddie says from behind you. “You’re coming with us!” Daisy rolls her eyes and stomps off in a huff and Freddie grabs you into a big hug. “We asked and we are receiving. Of course, now that you and Rog are in love…”

“Woah,” you interrupt. “Hold on.”

Freddie starts laughing. “Anyway… It won’t be as funny since you won’t be getting him testy, but it’ll still be fun!” You look over Freddie’s shoulder and see Roger walk into the lobby. “And don’t tell me you aren’t in love because I don’t even have to turn around to know Rog just walked in. You have the same look he does when he sees you.”

You giggle and look back at Freddie. “Maybe I just have that look because I know what he’s got in his pants.”

“You are too much!” he howls with laughter as he slaps your shoulder. “You and me are on the same wavelength. That’s why I look at that one like I do,” he giggles as he points to one of the road crew. “But don’t say anything. He’s my little secret.” You pretend like you’re zipping your lips and wink.

“Are you two coming or are you walking to Ottawa?” Roger yells. “Get your perky ass on the bus!”

“He’s talking to me, clearly,” Freddie giggles as he walks away.

You follow behind and see Roger waiting for you, giving him a smile when you meet up with him. “Did you know about Japan?” you ask. His smile grows. “And you didn’t tell me?” He winks. “So you can keep a secret.”

“Let’s get on the bus so we can go back to sleep.”

“Canada,” you groan as you sit down in your seat. “Canada in December. Who planned this tour?” you joke.

“Don’t worry,” Roger mumbles as he wraps his arm around you and smirks. “I’ll keep you warm.”

Permatags: @clogwearingspacepoodle @briansfatbottomgirl @culturefiendtrashqueen @jennyggggrrr @shutup-sorry @dontstopmemeow @letmelivetaylor @tommyleeownsme @ziggymay @drowseoftaylor @mariekuuuuuh @biscuit-barrel @givemequeen

Series tags: @toomuchlove-willkillyou @sunshine112 @ohtheseboysilove @luvborhap @painkiller80 @hannafuckingsucks @itsametaphorbriansblog @capsparrowtara @asquiresofftime @aridrowse @geek-and-proud @a19103 @nicholeh7 @caborhapch @catch-a-deak @thebelgiancompanion @ultrablackwidower @maggieroseevans @protectrowanwhitethorn @mercurycrowley @amy-brooklyn99 @bellas2silly @rogxrtaylxr @gylfsz @amagicmess @thessxoxo @luvborhap @bohemiansweede @loveandbeloved29 @radiob-l-a-hblah @technicallykawaiisoul

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Professional Part 3-Roger Taylor

Hi guys!! so this isn't smut, but part 4 will be! I had to split up part three and four because it ended up being eight pages in word and I wasn't going to put you through that. But enjoy!

           A couple weeks later and the tour was in the starting stages. It was their first big world tour and it was your first world tour with them, when you started with them you only went on tours in the states and then separate tours in Europe, but now it was one big ass tour and you were excited to be right along side them. The tour started three weeks ago in the states and it would eventually end in England in five months or so. But this one would be different though because the boys were playing for stadiums, not smaller arenas, and they were selling out every seat available. By the fourth show, as you stood on the side of the stage and watched the boys give their all, you wondered if you should have tried to find bigger venues for them but you, Jim and Paul decided that the venues you got were good enough.

           You took a sip from your water bottle and watched as the boys started singing the opening lines to Fat Bottomed Girls. You laughed when you saw Deaky bust out in dance moves with his bass, shooting you a wicked smile, and Brian start in on his guitar. You loved their music; every line, every guitar solo but nothing hit you quite like when Roger played his drums. You believed that the best part of a song laid where the drums were, it was what carried the songs in the best way. Sure Brian’s guitar playing was legendary and Freddie’s singing was iconic but when Roger started banging on the drums, that’s when you really started to feel the music.

           You would never admit that to anyone, certainly not Roger, but as you started swaying to the music Deaky looked your way and grinned. Unable to help yourself, you looked away from Deaky and at Roger, watching him hit the drums and enjoy the crowd that was singing along with him and Freddie as he sang the backup vocals. Something made him turn his head and he instantly found you, swaying along to his music with a soft smile on your face. Before you could look away, you saw something gleam in his eyes but you couldn’t make it out through the dim light of the stage.

           “Almost regret the venues we picked,” Paul said as he slid up beside you, looking from you to Freddie, who totally had the crowd.

           Paul had no say in the venues you secured for the band, but to save another argument between the two of you, you kept your mouth shut and nodded. “I’ll never underestimate the demand to see Queen again,” you said, smiling while the boys finished up the song and continued on to another one.

           “Only a hundred and some more shows to go,” Paul said and you nodded, which meant a hundred and some more nights of watching them perform.

           You tried to keep your relationship with all the boys professional, but sometimes it slipped to being more friendly. You couldn’t help it, after working for the band for the last few years you liked Deaky’s slight dorkiness and inability to stay still for long, or Brian’s small rants he went on when he heard about something slightly interesting or Freddie just as himself. Even Roger reeled you in before you kept each other at a safe distance. It just so happened that you didn’t have to have a talk with the other boys because they did a better job at hiding the way they all liked you more than the bands’ manager.

           Half way through their set list, during Killer Queen you couldn’t help but sing along to the song that basically made them famous, you were pulled away from watching the rest of the set and having fun was forgotten about as your real job took over.

           Hours later you had wrangled up the boys, pulling them away from the backstage party and playing the mama hen. They needed to get as much sleep as possible, it was only the start of the tour and they needed to start strong, not start off with a bang and end up hating every second of this tour. All four men loved booze, alcohol and warm bodies, you didn’t like pulling them away from fun but you had your reasons.

           “What do you mean there is only three rooms?” You echoed, bewildered at the receptionist. You motioned to the five people behind you, who all hung back in hushed conversation. There was something about being in the lobby of a hotel after one in the morning, it was quiet almost eerie. “I called two months ago and made reservations for six rooms, I got a call a week ago for confirmation.”

           The girl behind the desk gave you an apologetic look, “I’m so sorry, Miss. Y/L/N, there must have been a mix up.”

           You sighed and leaned into the mahogany counter top, “is there really no other rooms available. Miss, I don’t even care if they aren’t on the same room.”

           She frowned, “I can check, but I can’t promise anything.”

           It’s the middle of the summer in New York, Queen was in town for two shows and there was always something big going on in New York. You nodded at the girl and she walked off to check for more rooms. You sucked in a deep breath and lowered your head into your hands.

           “You all right, Y/N?” you felt Roger’s hand slid to your middle back and felt his chest brush your shoulder.

           “No,” you grumbled. You could smell the beer on him, not because he drank so damn much but because he had gotten into the habit of pouring beer onto the top of his drums, all because he liked the sound and it also looked extremely cool. He smelled like beer, sweat and smoke, but the smoke was something that gave you comfort because it was all Roger. You dropped your hands and looked at Roger, “they only have three rooms for us.”

           His dark blonde eyebrows pulled together, “But you said you called.”

           You pursed your lips together and nodded. You motioned towards the girl, who was talking to another worker, “She’s checking for more rooms.”

           “Y/N, it’s okay,” Roger promised you softly just as the girl came back to you.

           “I’m sorry, Miss. Y/L/N, there are no more rooms available.”

           Roger must have felt you three seconds away from a breakdown before his hand touched your arm, “It’s okay, love. It’s one night, we’ll manage.” He looked at the woman and smiled, “Can we just have the keys for the room?”

           The girl nodded, her cheeks flushing from Roger Taylor speaking to her, and she slid three keys over to him. You followed Roger back to the group and he took over, not giving you any time to think of sleeping arrangements.

           “So, we’re going to be crammed tonight. Paul’s in with Fred, Bri and Deaky.” He looked my way, “guess you’re stuck with me.”

           So much for professional.

           By the time you and Roger reached the room, you felt wired. Suddenly all the exhaustion from being up at six am, and starting your day while the bus driver drove into New York, seemed forgotten about. It was disgustingly cliché because your room only had one king sized bed, the windows overlooking the streets of New York, and when you stared at the bed you realized you were in for a long night and morning because no one had to be anywhere tomorrow until their show late at night.

           It was the reason why you guys were staying in a hotel, because New York demanded two shows instead of one because they sold out Madison Square Garden in minutes and you guys were able to squeeze in another show.

           “Hope you’re a cuddlier,” Roger smirked your way as both of you looked at the bed.

           “You know,” you started, “Brian told me you sleep naked, is it true?”

           Roger’s eyebrows lifted, “and if it is?”

           “You’re sleeping in sweats,” you answered swiftly, causing Roger to laugh.

           You placed your suitcase on the side of the bed, closest to the window, and felt your nerves kick up speed. It had been going really well between you and Roger since the night in his car, he actually spoke to you and made it a point to make sure you didn’t feel like he was being cold towards you or keeping you out of his life.

           But that wasn’t helping the situation.

           “I need a drink,” you grumbled.

           “I think the bar is still open, want to grab a drink?” Roger asked after he came out of the bathroom after changing out of his sweaty clothes and showering so he no longer smelled like the beer he bashed when he drummed.

           “You know what, why not.” You answered and Roger smiled.

           A couple minutes later you sat at the bar with Roger, he had a whiskey while you had a rum and coke. You looked at him through the corner of his eye and watched as he relaxed into the barstool, “You played a good show.”

           “Playing in Madison Square Garden is probably my new favorite venue,” Roger said, turning his head so he could look at you. His eyes drinking in the black dress and your legs peaking out from under the skirt of the dress. He loved the way you got fed up with your hair and twisted it into a bun at the top of your head, little strands of hair fell over your neck and your shoulders.

           “You get to play there tomorrow too,” you smiled before taking a sip of your drink, feeling your muscles slowly relax.

           He placed his arm on the back of the chair and turned towards you so he could look at you better. He smirked, “Also get to watch you dance while I play.”

           Your cheeks flushed with a deep red as you glanced back down at your drink, “you saw that?”

           “Hard not too when you’re the only thing I see.” He grumbled lowly, making you lift your eyes back up to his. You felt his low grumble all the way down in the pit of your stomach, the look in his eyes made your thighs clench together just so it could stop the tingling sensation.

           After a couple silent seconds of looking at one another he looked back down at the beer in his hands and looked almost sheepish as he asked, “Can I ask you something?”

           “Am I going to regret saying yes?” you joked, half expecting him to laugh with you and promise you that it was a silly question but he didn’t.

           Instead he continued to look at the label on his beer bottle while he asked, “Did you ever feel what I feel between us?”

           His thumb nail began picking at the labels edge while you stared at him, hoping you hadn’t heard him right. When your silence wasn’t good enough for him he looked back up at him and cleared his throat, “I mean, was it one sided?”

           “Rog,” you started with a soft and barely there shake of your head, lips parted in shock and unable to form any other words than his nickname the boys gave him.

           You watched as he smiled softly and leaned closer to you, hanging his arm on the back of your chair and holding himself up with his other hand against the bar. “I mean, fuck, you’ve got me going mental. I know you feel it between us, I just want to hear you admit it. Tell me I’m not going crazy.”

           Was he really doing this? Inside the hotel bar, where someone could easily hear him or Paul could easily stroll down from his room and see what was happening.

           You shivered as you felt the warmth of Roger’s hand touch your back. “I’ve felt it for years, Y/N. We’ve both been lying to ourselves, love.” He whispered, “Tell me you want me as much as I want you.”

           What would telling him your darkest truth achieve? You and Roger had always been so opposite, it wasn’t even entertaining. He was a rock and roll star, touring the world and constantly at the attention of hundreds of women. He had already mistaken lust for love and had a three year old daughter, that you loved dearly. But you were this pretty, but normal, girl. You were in charge of Roger and his mates, who you had form friendships with. You were the settle down kind of woman, Roger loved the free spirited women.

           So for him to come and beg, pleaded, with you to own up to your truth when nothing would really come out of it was stupid. It was reckless. One night with Roger so he could work out his four years of pinning after you, just so you could risk your job for one night, wasn’t worth it. When was he ever going to get that?

           Frustrated tears filled your eyes and you quickly got off of the chair, you dodged his hands as they tried to stop you, and raced towards the elevator. “Y/N, wait!” Roger called out as you pressed the button to go up, crossing your arms over your chest. The hotel was quiet, almost eerie but there was always that chance that someone would see you two and someone would say something. The elevator opened and you stepped inside, continuously pushing the button of your room number and considering running to Deaky and Brian, but then they’d ask questions. Just as the doors shut, Roger slipped into the elevator and suddenly the two of you were alone again and your frustrations blew apart.

           “What do you want from me?” you exclaimed.

           “I want you to admit it!” Roger yelled back.

           “What good would it do for us?” you asked him. “Of course I have feelings for you, but it wouldn’t change anything!”

           Of course I have feelings for you. It was the words Roger had been waiting to hear you say for the past four years, you admission was like hearing the angels speak as he entered the gates of heaven. Those words were all he needed to press you into the elevator walls and seal his lips over yours. A surprised squeal was swallowed by his mouth as his tongue brushed over your bottom lip and licked its way inside your mouth, his hands grasping yours and bringing them up and over your head. 

A/N: thoughts??

Taglist: @brianandthemays @asquiresofftime @reedusteinrambles 

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Seven

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC); Mama Mia (OFC)

Also featured this chapter: Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Jason Manns

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part seven is from BOTH POVs. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.  

Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Songs in this chapter include: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”; “What About Love”, “The Joker”; “Whipping Post”

Beta’d by @closetspngirl who has contributed so much to this fic! Thank you for not only indulging my lunacy but encouraging it with gusto! She also put together the amazing wardrobe shown in this chapter, as well. I don’t know what I would do without you!!!

Chapter Summary: Realizing that its time to leave NJ again to get back to work on the festival and have a much-needed conversation with Jensen, Y/N meets up with everyone at ChiCon. This gives finally gives her a moment with Jensen and an added bonus of playing with Louden Swain, featuring Briana Buckmaster, on stage for a crowded ballroom; something that affects Jensen more than he was expecting it too.

Chapter Warnings: Ehhh... nothing really. 

WC: 9.5K

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

It had been one month since Y/N left Austin and came back to New Jersey. One month of awkward texts with Jensen related only to work, daily calls or texts from Briana and at least one Skype or FaceTime call from Robbie every few days. When it came to the amount of work and scouting to be done for the festival, the little man was a bundle of nerves and Y/N was the only one who seemed to be able to talk him down.

February came, and that’s when the first real pangs of doubt began to creep in. The life she had begun in Texas was beginning to fade, and she found herself missing it. Y/N missed the townhouse and living so close to a city like Austin with the diversity in the restaurants, the bars, the bands, the nightlife… and of course, there was Jensen. She missed all of it. Not that life in New Jersey had been boring or lackluster. Y/N had gone back to work for Leo temporarily since she was handling both ends of the transactions now for the Brewfest. Being back in her small office in his hotel, living in the bungalow again felt good, but the longer the cold winds of winter at the shore blew through and chilled her to the bone, the more she really missed Austin.

It wasn’t all work, though. She had a couple of occasions to play at one of the bars that were still open in Seaside during the winter, as well as reconnect with a few friends from the Burlesque group. Y/N had even spent some time with Nathan, though when she did, she made sure to keep her guard up, be wary of any promises he made or plans he tried to get her to agree too. Reminiscing with him was a trap that was easier to fall into than she thought it would be, and after the third time they met for coffee, she invited him to go have dinner. Once or twice a week in the time she was home, she would run into him in town, or make plans to hang out. Y/N always tried to keep it in a public place, and never let him get too close. She was doing her best to follow Bri’s advice and figure out what it was she wanted from, not just Nathan, but life itself.

In between all of that, was Jensen. Y/N thought of him every day, and on more than one occasion picked up the phone to actually call him. However, knowing that he was traveling from Vancouver to conventions and back for the foreseeable future, she decided against it. After the way they left things, she thought maybe a random phone call wouldn’t be the best move and wanted to wait until she could see him face to face. When that would be, she didn’t know, but by the time Groundhog Day had rolled around, she felt ready to make it happen soon.

The morning she woke up with the intention to make arrangements to fly back, a winter storm warning had gone into effect, ultimately grounding all flights in or out of the area. Y/N knew the drill and began to run the errands necessary to hunker down for the long haul, getting supplies for two to three days at least. By the time she reached the bungalow and filled the small pellet stove in the corner of the room, the snow had started falling.

As a kid, seeing the beach turn from the beige sand, to white snow had always been sort of magical. Watching the waves crash and spray the icy mist into the swirling flakes made her feel like she was experiencing something majestic, and it always left her feeling a little whimsical and reflective. That’s what she was doing when she heard the knock at the door several hours later, just as the storm was hitting its peak.

Pulling the crocheted blanket around her shoulders, Y/N went to the front door and opened it enough to see who it was.

“Nathan?” she asked, then opened it further and with it came a burst of cold, snowy air. “Come in before the snow does.” She ushered him in and closed the door quickly. “What are you doing here?”

He removed his scarf and hat, shaking off the snow that littered his shoulders and boots. “I came by to make sure you were alright. Didn’t know if you realized that cell service is sketchy, wanted to be sure you had everything you needed.”

“Yeah, I saw the winter storm advisory last night, made sure to hit the market this morning. Don’t tell me you walked all the way here from Seaside Park. That’s a few miles at least.”

“No, I have my dad’s truck,” he said then paused before unzipping his coat. Y/N could see in his eyes he came not just to check up on her, but because he wanted to stay a while.

“I’m fine, Nathan. Just watching the snow, reading and staying warm. I have everything I need.”

“Ok,” he said and half turned back to the door, then faced her again. He wore that crooked grin that she used to love so much. “Well then, maybe you need some company?”

“Sure. But I am going to tell you now, you can’t stay the night. You have to leave before the sun goes down.”

“Of course, Y/N. I just thought we could hang out for a bit.”

“Want some tea?”

“No,” he laughed. “I hate that stuff. I’ll take a soda if you got any, though.”

“Sorry, fresh out,” she said, but there’s water or juice in the fridge.

“Sweet,” he replied as he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the rack, then removed his boots before heading to the refrigerator and helping himself.

Y/N strolled back to the couch and reclaimed her place near the window that overlooked the ocean. She brought her knees up into her chest and watched Nathan as he moved about the kitchen and the living room just as naturally as he did in the old days. When he finally sat, he took the spot on the opposite end of the same couch she was on and rested his arm along the back of it.

Whenever Y/N and Nathan saw each other while she was visiting this time around, things were always awkward in the beginning. It didn’t matter if it was just for coffee, or on the few occasions that she actually let him take her to dinner. It was almost as if neither of them knew what to do with the situation or what to say to one another. But given enough time, they would end up finding a comfortable conversation.

Some of the time she’d watch him as he talked and recognize the man she used to love; same high cheekbones, same crooked smile, and sandy brown hair. Only now, his hair was short instead of the shoulder length it was when they were younger. His sky blue eyes were still able to lock her in and make her wonder how it had all gone so wrong between them. He had been the love of her life, her prince charming, the man who was going to save her from the kind of life that you grew up promising yourself you’d never live. But it had all gone so, so wrong.

She considered asking him, potentially broaching a long overdue conversation that they needed to have; especially if there was any possibility of a future. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to start. She tried to hide the smile that wanted to come when she wondered what Bri would say about that, but it quickly faded when she realized how much she missed Bri, too. That would make her thoughts circle back around to Austin, again, and how much she longed to go back.

“Hey, haven’t seen these in a long time,” he said and leaned forward, and plucked one of the photo albums from underneath the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah…” she replied and craned her neck over to see which one he picked up. They had been there since she showed Jensen the pictures from Grease, which now felt like a million years ago.

“Holy shit, high school pictures,” he laughed and started flipping through the album.

Over the course of the next hour, Y/N sat a foot or two away, yet enjoyed talking about old times with him. It felt good to laugh with Nathan again; it felt good to have her friend back. She didn’t notice that he was inching closer and closer until suddenly the arm that had been draped around the back of the couch was now brushing against her shoulder.

Nathan continued shaking memories loose; he brought up their junior prom, and how they had spent the night on the beach under the Tiki bar, getting drunk and screwing around until dawn before falling asleep together wrapped up in a blanket. She was smiling at the recollection, enjoying the feeling it brought back into her life when she felt his fingers toying with a tuft of her hair.

“I’ve really missed this,” he said softly. “A lot. I’m glad you’ve let me back in and gave me a chance to make it up to you.”

“Nathan, I… I don’t know--”

He inched closer, and what he did next surprised her. Before she could react, Nathan was brushing his lips against hers. Her eyes stayed open, but his drifted closed. It only lasted for a moment, but in that time Y/N realized that she knew everything she needed to know. She didn’t push him away, even though something inside of her told her too. Y/N kissed him back, but timidly, and without passion. His lips parted against hers, making it clear that he wanted it to escalate, but after a moment, Y/N broke away.

She retreated from him and brought her fingers up, pressing them gently to her lips. “Nathan... “

“Don’t, ok? Don’t say it was a mistake. Just, promise me that you won’t shut down on me. If I was being pushy--”

“It’s not that,” Y/N said and swallowed hard. “I care about your recovery, Nate. Seeing how well you’re doing has even allowed me to start forgiving you. But in the spirit of honesty, you should know that I’m not ready to be with you again. I don’t know if I ever will be. That doesn’t mean there is someone else. It means that I am going back to Austin, and I am focusing on work and don’t want anything sort of romantic entanglements.”

“Oh,” he sighed, clearly disappointed. “That doesn’t mean we have to say goodbye though, right? Can I still call you? Keep in touch?”

“Sure,” she said, and genuinely meant it. “As long as you understand, that, for now, I just want to be your friend.”

She watched him process this and had a second where she didn’t know how he would react. He wasn’t the same Nate she knew most of her life, and yet he wasn’t the last version she knew, either. Nathan was turning into a product of both of those men, and she was still learning his mannerisms and couldn’t always tell what he was going to do.

Nathan made it clear he wanted her back, and this rejection could be dangerous if he wasn’t as far into his recovery as he had said. But once his shoulders relaxed, and he picked his head up to meet her gaze, he smiled more like the Nate of long ago.

“Of course, Y/N. I get it. I’m going to keep showing you that you can trust me again though.”

“You just keep doing what’s best for you, Nate. That’s what would make me the happiest.”

Y/N’s cell began ringing in the with the familiar tone of Robbie’s FaceTime calls. She hesitated to answer it, but also didn’t want to miss out on a chance to talk to him knowing there were some meetings coming up they needed to prep for.

“Excuse me,” she said to Nathan and got up from the couch, pulling the cell out of her pocket as she did.

Y/N moved through the room and stood at the precipice of the hallway as she answered the call.

“Hey Robbie, what’s shakin’?” she answered in greeting.

“Thank God you picked up. When are you coming back, lady? I need you in Austin. I won’t be able to get back to there for another week or so. Any chance you’re heading back soon?”

“I’m working on it Robert,” she replied with a sigh. “The damned snow, however, has other plans.”

“Soon-ish, then?”

“Yes, my darling. Soonish. Honestly, as soon as the airports open up, I’m getting a ticket and will be on my way.”

“Did he tell you that the TCAC meeting was pushed back to the end of February?” Robbie asked into the camera, and the concern she saw on his face made her feel guilty.

“No,” she answered softly.

Her disappointment was not lost on Robbie. He hesitated, not wanting to make her feel worse, though he knew Jensen had been avoiding her. He didn’t have all the details about what happened between them but knew enough to know something had. “He’s been crazy busy, you know. Traveling like a lunatic. I’m sure he just forgot.”

“I’m sure,” she agreed and immediately wanted to change the subject. “So, the grant proposals? Any word?”

“Yes! Actually,” Robbie paused, relieved that she was the one to shift gears and shuffled through some papers that were off screen. He held up two and smiled victoriously. “We got two approvals! One from the Austin Creative Alliance and another just came through yesterday from one of the Federal ones. Buuuttt… can’t seem too…” he drifted off to the side, leaning out of the camera frame again.

Y/N chuckled. “Rob, it’s fine, come on back.”

She shifted away from the wall by the hallway and wandered into the kitchen to put the tea kettle back on the stove. As she did, Rob came back into view and noticed Nathan in the background of her call.

“Oh, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had company. I won’t keep ya while I look for it.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah… that’s ok. My friend Nate dropped by to be sure I was stocked up for the storm. He’s leaving soon, so if you need to go over more stuff later, I’ll be here.”

“Oh great. The band and I are going in to talk to a guy about some stuff coming up, so maybe I will give you a call later. This way you can be totally caught up before heading back to Austin. Which reminds me… did you make your travel arrangements yet for Boston or San Diego?”

“Yes. I am heading to Boston, San Diego and Seattle starting end of February through March. Couple days in each to secure all the contracts with the vendors. Oh, New Orleans, too.”

“Perfect. That means you’ll be back and able to head to Chicago with us, right? Same weekend as ChiCon? Thought we could meet up there and go check out a few bands.”

“Works for me,” Y/N said, and then realized that there would be no avoiding Jensen that weekend.

“Fantastic, you’re a gem, you know that?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere Robert.”

“Love it when you call me Robert,” he teased. “Ok, they’re yelling for me. I’ll talk to you later!”

“Bye,” she chuckled and ended the video call. She returned the phone to her pocket and continued to fix herself a cup of tea.

“So, work friend?” Nathan asked, getting up from the couch and heading into the kitchen now that her call was through.

“Yes.”

“Nice guy?”

“Yes, he is.”

Nathan nodded, leaned back against the counter and noticed she had only one cup out. “If you wanted me to go, you could just say so. I mean, you told him I was leaving soon. One cup out…”

Y/N sighed softly and tried to not turn the visit sour. “I thought you hated tea? Besides, it’s getting late. As well as things have been between us, I am not ready for you to stay here. With the weather being what it is, you probably should head back to your mom’s. I’m sure she could use your help with your dad being laid up with his foot in a cast. Can’t be easy for her to manage this weather on her own.”

He nodded, though she could see him straining to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m not trying to shut you out, Nathan. I genuinely have enjoyed hanging out with you again. You know, after all that shit happened--with the fight, and your life spiraling out of control--I never thought you’d be you again. Or that I would even be able to stand to be in the same room as you. But, here we are. Can’t that be enough for now?”

Nathan’s shoulders relaxed. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Not if you want this to continue.” She was blunt, but she needed to be. Y/N didn’t want to take any chances where Nathan was concerned.

“Alright,” he finally replied and pushed off the counter. He went to take his coat off the hook and as he laced his arms through the sleeves, turned to face her again. “I’m grateful you’re giving me another chance, Y/N. I am. So, you call the shots, ok? I know you’re busy, but maybe once your traveling calms down, I can even come to visit you in Austin. Never been to Texas before.”

The idea of him in Austin felt strange. There was a sudden fear that if the two different parts of her life came together like that it would blow up her entire world in some glorious fashion. Trying to neither encourage or discourage the idea of his visit, she simply shrugged, found her most pleasant smile and nodded.

Nathan moved across the kitchen and took her in an embrace before she had the chance to say no. It was a familiar feeling; similar to what one experience when finding an old winter coat they hadn’t worn in years. It may not fit properly anymore, but the quilting of the fabric brought back pleasant memories.

“Call me, ok?” he said before releasing her.

“Sure thing. Take care of yourself, Nate.”

When Nate opened the door to go, the wind whipped through and the day’s fading light allowed him just enough time to get home before going completely dark. When the door latched shut behind him, she felt a mild sense of relief that she was alone again. There were still a lot of things she wanted to have time to mull over before returning to Austin, especially before seeing Jensen again in Chicago. The extended trip home had been good for her, despite the reasons she ended up there. It allowed her time to be sure that Austin and the job were the things she truly loved and wanted in her life.

Even the time she spent with Nate had been helpful in coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t something that had to stand in her way anymore. Her feelings for Jensen were still confusing and muddled, but in her heart, Y/N felt sure that her time as Nate’s girlfriend had come to an end. Though unexpected, the kiss they had shared that night cemented that. She could find room in her heart for him as a friend, but there was no future for them as a couple.

Lost in thoughts, Y/N didn’t move from the counter until the kettle began to whistle behind her. She flipped off the burner, and as she poured the hot water into the cup, she felt determined to settle the Jensen business. With so many of her other uncertainties fading away, she wanted this one too as well. Taking her cell phone back out of her pocket, she went to the contacts in her messaging app and pulled up “Mama”. If anyone could help her sort things out, it would be that tall drink of water.

<<Hey, any chance you’re around once snowmaggedon stops?

It only took about ten seconds for her to respond.

>>I’ve always got time for you, sugar. Whatcha thinkin’?

<<Rehearsal?

>>Cancelled.

<<Damn. Ok, snow should be done by midnight. Coffee at my place in the AM?

>>Be there with bells on.

<<Knowing you, I expect nothing less. Luv u!

>>Back atcha

The following morning dawned bright, with a clear sky and a snowy beach that reflected the colors of sunrise. Mama was knocking on Y/N’s door by quarter past nine, holding a pastry box in one hand and a garment bag in the other.

Y/N opened the door to greet her, and immediately broke out into laughter as she realized that Mama was wearing sleigh bells in her hair.

“You’re a freak,” Y/N laughed and gave the woman a big wet kiss on her cheek. “But you’re my freak.”

“Always and forever,” Mama purred lowly, winking at Y/N as she handed off both the pastry box and bag. “Dear Lord, I have not been here in forever! When was the last time?”

“God… it has to be last spring, maybe. Maybe even Christmas prior.”

“Either way, too long. Though I see you’ve kept the decor fisherman chic. Please, when will you let me redecorate for you?”

“One day, I promise. But for now, I have some things I want to talk to you about.”

Y/N moved around her small kitchen, pouring coffee and unveiling the apple crumb cake Mama brought from Freedman’s Bakery. The smell of apples and cinnamon instantly filled the room and mixed with the aroma of the coffee, Mama began to hum.

“Mmmm MM! It smells good in here. Like a little slice of heaven,” she sighed and pulled out one of the two chairs at the kitchen table. Just as she sat, she gratefully took the hot mug Y/N offered her. “What sort of things do you have on your mind?”

“Well,” Y/N started, then pulled out a seat of her own and began to slice the crumb cake. “I texted you last night because I had something on my mind. However, I couldn’t sleep last night, and I started thinking about work, and had something else entirely to talk to you about.” Y/N was rambling and Mama sensed she was probably already a pot deep into the coffee.

“Honey,” Mama said and covered Y/N’s hands to get them to stop fidgeting with the cake. “Slow down. First things first… what was on your mind last night?”

She hesitated, unsure of how to start. “I didn’t get to tell you because you were in Florida, but I went to a New Year’s party, back in Austin.”

“Ok, sounds fun. Continue,” Mama said and motioned towards her before sipping at her coffee.

“Right. Well, I guess I should start with saying that when I was home for Christmas, Nate showed up here Christmas morning. Then, I went back early so I could go to this party with Jensen. He kissed me at midnight and then I panicked and ran out.”

Mama coughed as she tried to swallow her coffee and then carefully placed the mug back on the table. She grabbed a napkin and wiped at the corners of her mouth like the old southern debutante that she had once been. Once she regained her composure, she sat up straighter and looked Y/N squarely in the eye.

“You best start from the beginning and leave no detail out. Because hearing that you spent an evening with that luscious man is one thing, but also hearing that dickhead’s name in the mix has soured the first bit. Explain yourself, please. What the hell do you mean that Nathan was here on Christmas? Why didn’t you call me?”

“He took me by surprise. He wanted to talk.”

“And you let him in?”

“Yes...” Y/N replied with a sigh, knowing she would get a barrage of crap from Mama for that.

“I’m in shock. After what he did to you!?”

“I know… I just… I don’t know. He wanted to apologize. He’s working the twelve steps--”

“Twelve steps? Ha! Twelve steps…” she muttered. “I didn’t realize you could twelve-step your way out of being a shithead.”

“I know he was terrible then, but for a lot of years he wasn’t and I guess I wanted to know if there was anything good left in him. I saw a glimmer of who he used to be.”

“We need to move on from Nate, cause honey, it just makes my blood boil.”

“Ok, so after he left, I went back to Austin a few days later and went to a party with Jensen. We’ve been getting along great, working together well, and he’s a lot of fun.”

“Yes, he certainly is,” she mused, her expression quickly fading from aggravated to dreamy. “Now I believe you mentioned something about a kiss…”

“He did. WE did… at midnight,” Y/N answered and couldn’t help feeling the twist in her gut that was now associated with that night.

“And?”

“And… it…”

“Y/N?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.”

Mama’s face relaxed into a euphoric afterglow. “Please, dear, sweet Lord in Heaven tell me you let that man have his way with you.”

“No!” Y/N laughed and got up from the seat. She was feeling anxious about it all; mostly because she felt so stupid for having run away from him. “It was amazing, and then I got nervous. Someone walked in and it gave me a moment to basically lose my mind and run.”

“You left?!” Mama’s jaw dropped and she quickly stood from the table. “What the--Child, I should whoop your ass. First, you let Nathan in this house, then you run out on that precious Texas boy? It’s like I don’t even know you,” she huffed.

Mama, for a woman of her generous height and weight moved across the kitchen in a heartbeat and lightly smacked the back of Y/N’s head twice.

“One for lettin’ Nathan in, the other for running out on Jensen!”

“Ow,” Y/N whined and rubbed the back of her head. Her brow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Trust me, I wish I knew why I do what I do. One second we were… you know, gettin’ handsy, and the next minute…” she shrugged.

“That son of a bitch Nathan… he was on your mind, wasn’t he?”

“Partially. It was more than that though. I’ve had two relationships in my life, Mama. Two. Nathan, and he who shall not be named.”

“Mmmm, yes. I forgot you had your own Voldemort. But that was what... six months after Nathan left and lasted for less than a month? You can’t count him… especially cause I can’t even remember his name.”

“Whatever, my point is, that both of these relationships were toxic. The last thing I want right now is another go-round with getting my heart broken. I should never have dated after Nathan, so figured I would try a one night stand. It left me so cold and empty. I don’t want that, either. I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship with Jensen, or have it turn toxic.”

“Sug, I get that. But you can’t push your feelings away every time they try and wake you up.”

“Can’t I? I love this job, Mama. I feel like I finally found what I am meant to do. What if we slept together, and it got weird. I wouldn’t be able to work with him. Besides, it’s not even all that happened.”

“What else?” she sighed and rubbed at her temples. “This should have been a Bloody Mary breakfast.”

Y/N ignored her quip. “The next day I told him I wanted to talk. He said he was busy. So I stopped by to drop off some contracts and it turned out he was home. He lied because he didn’t want to talk.”

“That’s why you are back here, instead of living in Austin?”

Y/N nodded and watched with anxiety as Mama seemed to sift through a host of quiet thoughts before deciding how to respond.

“If I didn’t love you as I do... I would smack you again.”

“Why?”

“He lied? So what?! You ran out on him! You know what that’s gonna do to a man’s pride. Hell, anyone’s pride?! Sugar, you… you need to stop lettin’ that heart of yours dictate all your decisions. That man--I spent time with him, ok? I saw how he watched you on that stage. You didn’t. I saw how his face lit up, and that gorgeous grin spread from ear to ear. You mesmerized him.”

Mama took Y/N’s chin between her fingers and lovingly lifted her face so their eyes could meet. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t like that boy.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, almost pathetically. “I do like him. But I’m also very scared of him.”

Mama considered this for a minute and smiled at her friend. “Then, you need to go back to Texas, make amends, and rekindle that friendship you two had been startin’. I think that will be how you stop being so damn scared.”

“I have a flight out tonight,” Y/N said and laughed when Mama raised both fists into the air in celebration.

“That’s my girl!”

“I mean, I won’t see him for a while, but I think you’re right. I owe him an apology. I just hope he can forgive me.”

“I have no doubt that he probably already has. Now, that’s settled… Nat--”

“No. I’ve given him enough thought lately. I’d rather talk about my burst of inspiration that I had last night.”

“Which was?”

“You, the whole troupe… I want you to perform at the festival.”

Mama’s eyes grew large, her plump dimpled cheeks expanding as the smile unfurled across her painted pink lips. “Shut the hell up! Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean… I am still working out all the logistics, but, we have a few stages to fill and I thought who better than to take on one of the theaters for the Saturday night slot? Whatever you guys wanna do… it’s your call. We have a hotel all reserved for talent, so your accommodations are taken care of. And I am sure I could help you with the travel arrangements. I just need you guys to say yes, and you’re in.”

“Well slap my ass and call me Sally!” Mama cackled and smacked her knee; her southern lilt bolder than usual. “You best believe we’ll be there, suga!”

“Fantastic! I will get you all of the details as soon as I get back to Austin.”

“Well now, hold on one second… you know what’s funny,” Mama said and went into the living room to retrieve the garment bag she had brought with her. “I brought this today because I thought you may want it for something. Didn’t know what, but when Marie brought it into rehearsals last I was there, everyone agreed only you would be able to pull this costume off.”

She hung the hanger on the top door of the refrigerator and slowly unzipped the vinyl bag. Y/N softly gasped when she saw the frock Mama had brought her. It was a full-length strapless dress that had a corset top with a heart-shaped bustier with deep purple accents, streaming out into a black skirt that was shorter in the front and flowed out from the back. The skirt itself had black velvet swirls imprinted on the ebony material and heavily ruffled bottom that would give it an amazing look when it twirled.

“Mama…” she breathed and ran her fingers over the dark purple accents. “This is gorgeous.”

“It is. And in the bottom are the accessories. You have to wear this. At least once. And what a better place than at the festival. So, you agree to perform one number with us, then we will be there to fill your stage for an entire night.”

Y/N considered the offer and knew that she had to say yes. She hadn’t gotten to the point where she thought about her part in performing at the festival. Working behind the scenes had completely garnered all her attention, so this was the first time she gave it any real thought.

“Alright,” she said, “you win. I will take this back to Austin with me and put it aside for a night on stage with The Corsets. Do I get to pick the routine, or…?”

“Oh no, honey. I’m the Creative Director now,” Mama pinched her cheek and took her place back at the table. “Now, don’t think I am done talking about this whole Jensen situation. I wanna hear more details about this New Year’s Eve party…” She leaned back and sipped her coffee before taking a large bite of her crumb cake. “You best start talking.”

For the rest of the morning, Y/N caught Mama up on New Year’s Eve, including playing with Bri, hearing Jensen sing, the encounter with Dee all the way up to her moment in the game room. By the time the coffee was gone and the cake was only crumbs, Mama had heard the tale, soup to nuts, and sat there stunned, letting it all sink in.

They talked a while longer before Y/N realized the time and had to get ready to leave for the airport. Mama had hugged her tightly with both a warning and a promise before she left.

“I promise that we will put on one hell of a show for those Texans. But, in the meantime, stop being stupid and go kiss the cute boy. Let him know that you’re all in, even if it is a slow-moving gamble. You’ll regret it if you don’t. You hear? I’ll keep my promise to whoop you when I get to Austin if you don’t. Got it?”

“Yes, Mama,” Y/N laughed and embraced her again before watching her go out into the cold winter air.

Hours later, as she made her way through the airport and onto the plane, she felt good about going back. There were still a few lingering doubts about how she and Jensen would be with seeing each other again, but there was time to work on that. First, she needed to get back to Austin, her new home, and refocus herself completely on making the Brewfest as big, bold and beautiful as Jensen’s vision for it was. Outside of that, everything would just have to wait.

Much like Y/N expected, there wasn’t much of a chance to see Jensen through the rest of February and March. It was disappointing to her, mostly because she was really starting to miss him. His schedule in Vancouver changed last minute, which caused him to have to miss the Texas Creative Arts Council meeting as well as a few others he had intended to be at, in turn dashing her hopes of finally getting to talk face to face. Her own travel schedule picked up, as she zigzagged across the country meeting with business owners, sponsors, and supporters of the Hometown Brewfest extravaganza.   

The frequency of text exchanges between them increased, and it gave her a glimmer of hope that they could still work through whatever they needed to. As the weeks carried on, and the dates of ChiCon inched closer, Y/N found herself growing more and more anxious about finally having that moment.

Two weeks before, the whole group was in Nashville for a con, while Y/N was wrapping up some last minute business in New Orleans. She was chatting with Rob about a band she found by happenstance, and during the video call, Jensen passed behind him in the background. Her heart lept up in her throat, though she successfully kept her outward demeanor calm and collected. Y/N watched as Jensen did a double take as he noticed her on the screen of Rob’s phone. Leaning over his friend’s shoulder, he shoved his face in the camera and smiled, gave a simple wave and then was called away before he could actually speak.

It was enough to give her that final boost of confidence that they would be ok, but she still desperately needed to clear the air with him. That, however, wouldn’t happen for another two weeks when she found herself pacing the backstage area of the hotel in Chicago where the stars of Supernatural were gathering in preparation for a weekend full of panels, photo ops and a jam-packed concert with Robbie’s band.

Y/N had arrived that Saturday morning well after the festivities had gotten underway. Bri was the first person who she found and was greeted by an over-exuberant hug and the subsequent barrage of questions about everything under the sun. She was quickly whisked away to her panel with Kim, leaving Y/N holding her credentials and aimlessly wandering around the hotel. That was until she found herself on a mission to finally locate and talk to Jensen.

The extra wide hallway of the hotel outside the green room was carpeted with the ugliest yellow, gold and blue carpeting Y/N had ever seen. Though, as she paced it back and forth, she couldn’t take her eyes off of it. Eventually, she found herself pacing along the blue lines that intertwined between the yellow and gold diamond pattern. As ugly as it was, it was somehow keeping her nerves at bay. She could run into Jensen at any time now, and it took all of her willpower not to just turn and run… again.

She wouldn’t though. Her and Jensen needed to set things straight. She didn’t know if this was the way to do it, or what she would say exactly, but she knew it had to be done. Y/N had gotten a peek at his schedule when she checked in and got her credentials to be able to come and go as she pleased. He would be in the green room now, or at least on his way there. So that’s where she headed.

Y/N stalled once she reached the green room door, deciding that maybe just barging in and demanding he talk to her was a bad idea. That’s when the pacing started again and continued for several minutes. She bit on her lower lip and closed her eyes, hanging her head and trying to decide what to do.

She continued walking, but with her eyes closed, she didn’t realize she was walking off her pattern, and straight into oncoming people.

“Whoa there!”

Y/N looked up, and in horrific slow motion, realized she ran square into Jensen’s chest. His hands had gently grabbed her shoulders when they collided, and they lingered there now as recognition touched his features one by one. Seeing him again after so long felt like a shock to her system; her mouth went dry, and she could feel her hands starting to tremble. When she tried to swallow, it stuck like a lump in her throat cutting off the air to her brain and making her feel light headed.

“H-Hey,” she breathed.

“Robbie said you were gonna be here,” he said, then nervously ran his tongue out and over his bottom lip. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah,” Y/N agreed, still unsure of what to say. “How’ve you been?” Her words were hesitant and staggered; her gaze unable to break from his.

Jensen finally realized his hands were still on her shoulders and quickly let go.

“Good. Busy, but good. You?”

“Better now that--”

The green room door opened with a bang, startling both Jensen and Y/N. Half a dozen people funneled out, mostly hotel staff, but Robbie was among them.

“Just who I was looking for!” he exclaimed and walked over to them. “You,” he said pointing to Jensen, “have about two minutes before Rich is gonna call you up for your panel with Misha. And you,” he turned to Y/N, “need to come with me while I got a quick ten minutes and figure out where we are going tonight if there’s time. There are a few clubs we gotta hit between tonight and tomorrow.”

“Can you just give us a minute, Rob?” Jensen asked him, and yet, his eyes still didn’t waver from Y/N’s gaze.  

“Uh, sure. I’ll be right over there, Y/N.” He looked hesitantly between them, and quietly stepped back and around the corner.

Jensen cleared his throat and turned back to her, unable to disguise just how nervous he was. “About what happened… I wanna, I mean, we should talk, but I do gotta go right now--”

“Right, of course,“ she said, taking a step back from him and suddenly scared to say what she wanted to. “We can do it another time.”

“Later, you’re scouting bands tonight with Rob? Sounds fun. Maybe if you’re not back too late--”

“Mr. Ackles!”

A small blonde haired woman popped her head from around the other end of the hallway and waved frantically for him to come.

“I gotta run,” he said but took a beat to hold her gaze a little longer. It took the impatient little woman at the end of the hallway calling him again, to get his feet moving.

Jensen took a few steps in the direction he had to go, then turned to face her as he walked backward down the corridor. He chuckled nervously and Y/N felt a rush of relief when she realized he seemed truly happy to see her.

“Don’t go far, okay? The panel only lasts about an hour. Maybe we could talk after?  I’d really like too--”

“Jensen, please, the panel is starting!” The woman was pleading with him now.

“I’ll be around, Hollywood. Come find me,” she shrugged, trying to be calm, cool and casual. Y/N held back as best she could, but Jensen got the idea that she was happy to see him, too.

“You got it, Trix. I’ll come to find you.” The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk, and as he continued to walk away from her, Y/N could hear his happy chuckle fade down the hallway. Just before he turned and disappeared completely, he paused and gave Y/N a wink before heading off to his panel.

When he had disappeared around the far corner, she sighed heavily and laughed to herself, completely overcome with relief. A moment later she heard Robbie walk up behind her and clear his throat.

“Everything go ok?” he asked hesitantly.

Y/N nodded. “Yeah,” she said and did her best to stow the overwhelming relief she had over that encounter with Jensen. “I think we’ll be good.”

“Good,” Robbie said and slung his arm over her shoulders. “Now, let’s talk about the weekend, shall we?” He turned her around and guided her in the opposite direction.

The panel, one that he normally loved doing, felt like an eternity on that particular Saturday afternoon. Jensen and Misha answered questions, engaged in their usual banter, and of course, made a room of hundreds of people scream and laugh with delight. He did his best to maintain his normal energetic vibe, but even Misha could see that his mind just wasn’t in the game.

Instead, Jensen’s mind was firmly stuck on Y/N.

She was there, in the same city, in the same hotel just a few hundred feet away. All he wanted to do was go and see her, talk to her, hash this dumb shit out that made them lose three months of getting closer; three months of seeing her smile, hearing her voice and getting to know more about her.

Jensen was pissed at himself for weeks after New Year’s Day. Regardless of whether he had the right to be upset at her or not, he reverted to his petty and childish demeanor, where women were concerned, and he beat himself up for it. His knee jerk reaction to her running out had everything to do with Dee, and not so much Y/N herself. He needed to tell her that’s why he lied about something so stupid to avoid her. Y/N would understand… that’s what made her different.

Y/N had made the effort, hadn’t she? She came to leave the envelope, and in it was her plea to talk to him. She wanted to explain herself, but at that moment he just couldn’t let her. Then she ran back to New Jersey so fast, which initially made him angry. But it didn’t take him long to realize that she’d been through just as much bullshit with her past as he had, and instead of being angry, he should try and sympathize.

Weeks later he happened to talk to Rob who’d mentioned in passing that he had a FaceTime call with Y/N. It had been in the middle of the snowstorm towards the end of January that she told Rob she would be coming back to Austin. That wasn’t all though, was it? As Jensen sat on the panel stage, and half listened to Misha tell a story about his daughter that made the crowd roar with laughter, he was thinking about the guy hanging out with Y/N while she was home; the one Robbie saw in the background that day. As if on cue, he laughed at Misha’s story, joining in with the rest of the ballroom, but on the inside, he was simmering with jealousy.

Jensen wondered if that was the same “old friend” that showed up at her place on Christmas, and of course, couldn’t help but be curious if that guy was part of why she’d run out on him. Swallowing down the bile that rose in his throat, he continued on with his Q&A with the fans and tried to forget it for the time being.

Finally, the panel had come to an end, with it also being their last panel of the day. Misha was escorted to his last set of photo ops, while Jensen was able to head back to the green room, hoping that he would once again bump into Y/N.

The hallway where he had left her was now empty, as was the green room. He considered calling her and asking where she was, but instead texted Rob and asked if they were still together.

<<Hey man, is Y/N still with you?

>>Nah, she went to check a few places out while it was still light out. She’ll be back for SNS.

Jensen sighed and sent back a quick reply, then tucked his phone away and headed back to his own room to get ready for that night’s concert.

Louden Swain took the stage around nine that night. They played through a few of their originals, and then a handful of covers with some of the cast. Jensen knew he’d go up for a couple of songs, but he was holding out until the end so he could catch Y/N.

“Hey handsome,” Bri greeted, coming up alongside where Jensen was sitting, startling him out of his thoughts. “How’d your day go today?”

“Great,” he said with a tired smile. “Long day though. How about you?”

“Oh you know, fantastic. Kim and I kicked ass. Had some great ops… a cocktail or two in between. You know, the usual.”

“That’s my girl,” he teased and then perked up thinking she could help him. “Any chance you’ve seen Y/N around?”

“Yes! Earlier today when she first came in, then about five minutes ago. She’ll be here in a second, why? Got something you need to say to her? Hmmmm?” Bri raised one perfectly manicured brow at him, challenging him to open up a bit more.

“Yes. Actually, I do.”

“Good boy. I know she wants to talk to you too--” From the stage, Bri heard her cue to go up with Robbie for her song. “Look, she’s around. Talk. To. Her. Then, keep her close, I’m gonna need her.” She wiggled her brows and stuck her tongue out playfully before bounding up the short set of steps that would take her backstage.

Jensen chuckled as she disappeared behind the curtain and out to the roar of applause from the crowd. He tried to think of what he would be doing that night with the band. Jason was playing too, and they talked about The Joker and maybe Whipping Post. He closed his eyes and ran through both songs, half hearing Robbie and Bri singing “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” coming from the stage. He certainly didn’t hear Y/N and she came from around the corner and stood in front of him.

“Hey stranger,” she said softly. Despite the music coming from close behind him, he heard her perfectly.

Jensen opened his eyes and thought maybe he was just imagining her there. She looked different than she had earlier. Gone was her T-shirt and ripped jeans, a look that he really loved on her. Now she wore the tight blue jeans and knee-high boots with a black and white, long sleeve peasant-style blouse that was loosely tied at the neck and open enough to accentuate her cleavage. Jensen had a split-second thought about what she had on beneath it before he was able to make himself speak again.

“Hey yourself,” he breathed, standing up from the platform he was sitting on. “How’s your, uh, you know, how’s it--”

“I’m good, Jay. Robbie asked me to come back for the concert. Glad you stuck around. Are you going up there tonight?”

Jensen nodded, suddenly tongue-tied and unsure of what to say.

“They sound great,” Y/N motioned towards the stage and took a few steps closer. “That’s a great song.”

“It is,” he said, but needed to say more and was tired of waiting. “Y/N,” he paused and waited for her to face him. She did, and he could tell she knew what he was about to say. “About New Year’s…”

“Jay, wait. Before you say anything… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running away like I did. I shouldn’t have--”

“It's okay. I shouldn’t have lied about the stupid movie. It was all so…”

“Stupid?”

“Childish. I guess I could give you a laundry list of reasons--”

“But they wouldn’t matter,” she said quietly and cast her gaze down to her feet. When she looked up at him again, he saw something in her face that made him relax and understand she wanted to move on as badly as he did.

“Yeah. Can we just,” he sighed and shrugged, “just get back to being friends?”

“Yes. I want that, more than anything,” she sighed in relief.

“Good,” he breathed and took a hesitant step closer to her. Y/N stepped in and put her arms around his neck to hug him. Though it took him by surprise, he didn’t waste a second in returning the embrace. She felt so good in his arms as they snaked their way around her waist. It took a lot of willpower on his part to stop himself from nuzzling his face into her neck and drawing in a deep breath of her scent.

From the stage, the music shifted and while the band kept playing, Bri popped her head through the curtain and saw Y/N with Jensen.

“Hate to break up this very much needed moment, but Y/N, I need you up here please.”

Jensen reluctantly released her and saw the scheming look in Briana’s eyes. He narrowed his gaze at her, and she just slyly winked. “Come on slowpoke! They’re waiting.”

“Who’s waiting?” she asked, looking curiously between Jensen and Bri.

“Everyone…” Bri replied and swept back the curtain so Y/N could see the audience.

“What? Oh no, I didn’t--I’m not--”

“You are, and you can. Come on, lady! Time to get your cute little ass up here and sing on stage with me and Robbie.”

Y/N looked to Jensen to save her, but he just shook his head. “Oh no, I’m with Bri on this one. Like I’d ever pass up a chance to watch you on stage.”

Realizing she was being ganged up on, Y/N sighed as her chin fell to her chest in defeat and she made her way up the small set of stairs. “I hate you both,” she chided and both Bri and Jensen rolled their eyes.

Jensen watched from backstage as she got up next to Robbie who was on the mic and introduced Y/N to the crowd. When he spoke about the Brewfest the crowd cheered, and it was the first time Jensen understood just how much work she’d been putting into it, not just into organizing things, but getting the word out to the public about the upcoming event.

Robbie leaned over and whispered something in her ear, Y/N nodded and faced the crowd, giving them a wave. Jensen saw how they seemed to love her already and they hadn’t even heard her sing yet. Robbie faced the band and signaled the next song as the familiar beat of Heart’s “What About Love” kicked in.

Y/N started to sing, and Jensen felt his knees go weak. It had been a while, too long he would say if someone had asked him since he had heard her sing. She fell right into the groove with the band, completely unaware of how sexy and majestic she was on the stage. Bri was beside her, sharing the verses and singing harmonies together. They blended effortlessly with Robbie’s voice, too. Y/N held the notes and used her strong bravado to carry them out, once again making the crowd go wild.

Hints of jealousy filled Jensen, but not because of the reaction she was garnering, but because he wasn’t on stage next to her. How could he have not sung with her yet? At least strummed a guitar while she sat across from him, her tender pitch humming along with whatever he was playing. It suddenly became of utmost importance to him to share a stage with her, but for now, he just hung back and relished in the way her voice made him feel. Anyone that saw him watching her would know that he was so clearly infatuated with this girl, and almost nothing would have pulled him away.  

As the song wound towards the end, Jason breezed past Jensen, smacking his shoulder along the way.

“Almost ready, brother? Gonna kick it off with ‘The Joker’, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Just like we said, call me in when you’re ready.”

“You got it!” Jason replied before running out on the stage.

Jason handled the first chorus, and during the musical interlude, he brought Jensen up and he easily slipped into the version of himself he brought out on the Saturday Night Specials. He noticed that Briana and Y/N were still up there, yet off towards stage right, and singing along with the chorus of the song. Jensen casually strolled in their direction, just feeling the need to be as close to Y/N as possible. The moment the music came back around to where he picked up the song, happened to be the same moment that Jensen walked around behind her, then was at her side. Without giving it a second thought, he draped his arm around her shoulders and sang the lines directly to her… their eyes locked as if he was speaking solely to Y/N and not to a room of hundreds of people.

“You’re the cutest thing I ever did see…

Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree

Lovey-dovey lovey-dovey lovey-dovey all the time...

Oooey baby I sure show you a good time…”

The song played on, and eventually, he moved back across the stage and sang out to the crowd. But the expression that came to rest on her face was not something he would ever forget. He caught glimpses of her smiling as her eyes followed across the stage. He liked how it felt for her to watch him; he felt uninhibited and free to be himself.

When it was over, he was disappointed as Bri grabbed Y/N’s hand now that their turn on stage was done. They waved to the audience and the band transitioned into “Whipping Post” while they exited through the back.

As Jensen belted out line after line of The Allman Brothers song, he wished Y/N had stayed out there with them and secretly hoped she was watching from backstage. Thank God he was singing a song he knew without having to think about because all his mind could really focus on was how good it felt to have her back around. At that moment, Jensen had felt better than he had in a very long time. 

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