#she already sees what’s so special about him and it hurts her that nobody else sees it

[daynascullys]

how to say "I love you" in x-files [84/?] ⤷ 1.03 — “Squeeze”

[specialgradefckr]

tw: explicit content, incest, satoru/reader, satoru/suguru, shoko/reader, codependency, very twisted relationship dynamics, implied abusive/neglectful childhood

suguru had never known what to make of the two of you.

satoru the six eyes and his twin sister. satoru who was his best friend, and you, the girl who looks just like him.

satoru who let suguru bend him over and fuck him until he cried, only to roll off the bed, pulling out his phone.

god. he knew satoru was a dick, but this?

it hurts more than it should. they'd never talked about it, never even called each other friends. he should have figured this wasn't anything special.

but what the fuck is satoru doing on his phone?

"satoru?" he says, trying to sound casual.

everything has to be casual with satoru. low-key. being with him feels like he's coaxing a wild animal. get too close, and he might just bolt.

bolt, only to hit him out of the blue days later with a picture of a candy and a smarmy comment about suguru's taste in food. or his hair. or his power as a sorcerer, or whatever was going through that malfunctioning brain of his.

god, why the fuck does he even like him again?

satoru turns back so suguru can see his smirking face.

god. that was why. the face of a fucking angel, a smile that made his heart skip. why did it have to be on this asshole?

"what, suguru? you feelin' lonely?" satoru drawls.

it's a question he knows the answer to. keep it chill. don't show your hand. don't get too close or he'll get scared.

it aches. "shut up," he says, "i'm just curious who you're texting right after i pulled my dick out of you."

he smirks back when satoru pauses, hesitates.

"who's this person you're thinking about right after you cum?" suguru drawls. he's proud of how distant he manages to sound.

satoru's eyes dart towards him, all ice blue and piercing.

"nobody," he says, setting his phone face down while he pulls on his pants.

he blinks. "what are you..."

satoru ignores his question, strolling out towards the door while waving goodbye. "later, su-gu-ru~"

"but this is -"

before his eyes can furrow, satoru closes the door behind him.

"...your room."

he'd thought that it meant something different this time. satoru always left right after they fucked, he never stayed.

but this is satoru's room. so he'd either kick suguru out, or let him stay.

he hadn't been prepared for him to just... leave. his own room.

what's wrong with him? seriously.

suguru glances at the downturned phone. flips it over.

nee-chan~ (2)

his sister? it beeps.

nee-chan~ (3)

no, don't. i'll ask shoko

you'll ask shoko to do what? satoru has a lock, so he can't see.

seriously, i mean it

after a moment, there's another message.

are you ignoring me, or just busy with him?

don't come over. slut

...what?

the message notification disappears along with the message.

suguru gets a strange feeling.

he looks around satoru's room. he finds some girl's clothes.

does satoru even like girls? they could be yours. he's seen you in his room before.

the strange feeling starts to get. stranger.

there's condoms in here, too, which is weird because satoru has never asked him to use them. or used them himself. he whined when suguru suggested it, actually. asked if he was scared of getting knocked up.

ugh. stupid, insufferable, endearing little shit. he wants to have him in his arms right now.

but it doesn't mater what suguru wants. satoru just left. like he always does, sooner or later.

picking up the phone, he makes his way out. down the hall, towards the girls' dorm.

shoko is already there when he gets there. holding out an arm to stop him.

he raises a brow.

"she's sleeping."

"how do you know i'm here for her?"

shoko shrugs. "why else would you be? saw gojo go in there. anyways, they're asleep now."

"can't be. i was with him just a few minutes ago."

the look she gives him is... strange. everything about this situation feels... off.

he pushes past her, and she sighs.

there's no noise inside, at least. he looses a curse to twist the lock on the door, turn it form the inside.

and it's surprising because - god, what was he expecting?

you're there, curled up beneath the blanket with satoru laying behind you, arms wrapped around you and holding you close.

it's romantic, sure. intimate.

but nothing weird. well, nothing too weird. satoru's always been weird, and you're just like him, so of course you're both weird together. you've always been close. you're his twin sister. what is he thinking?

with a toss, he lets satoru's phone fall onto the floor.

he avoids shoko's gaze as he closes the door and stalks off.

(he doesn't see her anxious glance at the door.)

"he's gone," satoru whispers to you, brushing his thumb over your nipple as you bite your lip.

"shut up," you hiss, putting a hand over his. "i can't believe you did that. why did he follow you? what did you say to him?"

his other hand, threaded beneath your panties, wriggles playfully.

"whaaat? you said you wanted to go to bed. i didn't want to make you wait." he sighs dramatically, "i'm the strongest sorcerer, you know. i need my rest~"

and without you, there is no rest.

as soon as your body is against his, it's like all the tension leaves him. you're there, with him, and everything is all right.

all his worries fade away when he can wrap his arms around you and feel you embrace him in return. mind blank at the soothing sound of your voice. never mind the words you're saying.

"yeah, but do you need to do... this." you say fruitlessly. "you could have come later."

"didn't wanna come later," he kisses your shoulder, "wanted to see you now."

you wriggle in his arms, too wide and too strong to escape, even if you wanted to.

it's enraging. it's gratifying. you don't know what it is, and never have.

he must have been fucking suguru. and after he got his, he came to you.

should you laugh, or cry?

"i could have asked shoko." you mumble almost miserably.

but a sigh escapes you as he fondles your breast. satoru always knows how to make you feel good.

maybe not as good as shoko does, but you're still nice enough not to say that to his face.

"what? to sleep with you?" satoru scoffs, "you can't sleep without me, either."

neither of you have ever slept alone, not a single night in your life.

not even when you were deathly ill and the clan begged the precious six eyes to stay away and not catch your sickness.

satoru had stayed by your side the entire while. held your hand while your head pounded and your body ached. wiped your tears when you cried.

because you were very young, and very sick, in more pain than you'd ever felt before. you had honestly thought you were going to die.

there had been no servants, no mother or father or caretaker. only satoru holding you close, lifting you to drink some water and medicine. telling you that you couldn't die. he wouldn't allow it.

and to your child's mind, that had been reassuring. your brother never left you. your fever broke and you were okay, just like he said you would be.

now, you know better. now you know satoru would lay in bed with people who weren't you, even if he always came back (for now).

now you knew what it was like to have someone else by your side.

(but was it enough? could it ever be enough? could it ever be what you have with him?)

"i'll never know until i try." you turn in his arms to face him, and he allows it.

blue eyes. beautiful, beautiful blue. a pretty face. almost as pretty as shoko's.

you've been learning, lately. you used to think of the mole on her cheek as an imperfection, the cigarette smoke a bad habit.

now? you still think it's a bad habit, but the mole is charming. and you don't hate the smell as much because shoko took you out shopping for perfume.

she asked you which one you liked the most, and bought it for herself. she wears it every friday when you have your girls night out with utahime.

where you get drunk enough to make out with her until she brings you back to the dorm, kissing and fondling and touching.

she asks you if it's okay. asks you how you like it best. asks you to touch her this way, that way.

it's not like how it is with satoru. but she makes you feel good, makes you happy. she wants you to feel good. when you cry she kisses your tears away, like she knows better than to ask but wants to comfort you anyways.

when was the last time satoru tried to comfort you?

"hey," satoru breathes into your ear, pulling your panties down, "c'mon."

when you think of her, your heart flutters. when you think of satoru, your stomach flips, and your whole body aches.

you don't know what love is. you don't think satoru does, either.

otherwise, why would he ever leave geto's arms? when he's so obviously head over heels for him?

you clasp one arm against his chest as you reach down, stroking his cock to hardness. geto must have made him cum (satoru has never made you cum). must have fucked him.

satoru rolls you so you're on top of him.

his shirt is off, baring his lean, muscled chest. your brother, your strong, handsome, beautiful brother, looking up at you with wandering eyes and greedy hands.

your hands are equally greedy. running over his chest, ghosting over his nipples until he shivers. oversensitive. he always is after he's been with geto.

satoru's got a condom out already. he slips it on, leaning forward and pinning you down beneath him.

he doesn't have to use condoms with geto. he doesn't have to be the one on top all the time, either. geto can fuck him. he must like that.

geto's a special grade sorcerer. geto's a man. he's not his sister.

his cock is sliding up and down against your entrance, wetting the condom as he nips at your breast.

he always leaves marks like this, but never where anyone can see.

does he leave marks on geto?

"do you like him more?" you mumble, anxiety swirling in your gut. your lower half is a hot swirling pool of need, leaking for him.

and he inches in, making you whine, making you claw marks into his shoulder. you hope geto sees them.

satoru groans, low and throaty. it always feels like coming home when he's inside you. a perfectly matched lock and key.

his hand threads through your hair. you're so beautiful, so fucking beautiful. he'll admit he's a vain bitch, but who wouldn't be? looking like the two of you do.

maybe one day he should get you to dress up like him. wear a strap and fuck him, that'd be fun.

for now, you're warm and soft and perfect for him. so comfortable. and you're rambling about stuff that isn't important.

"what," he murmurs, breathy from the warmth of you around him, "who?"

if the frustration shows on your face, he can just fuck it away.

"geto." the name is swallowed by a swift thrust, hands planted on your hips.

you wish he'd touch your clit more (you never ask). you wish he'd answer your question (you're afraid to push). but your brother just doesn't think about other people.

"c'mon," he whines, "don't talk about some other dude. you're with me."

"you were with him."

"so?" he thrusts in harder, stealing your breath, like that'll win him the argument, "you're fucking shoko."

satoru fucks you breathless, then. pumping in and out so quickly that the friction has you shuddering, shivering, close enough that you finally start to squeeze around him.

it's always like this with him. you feel like you're drowning, helpless. all you can do is cling to him.

"satoru," you hate how pitiful your voice sounds, "satoruuuu...."

he's hitting you, so deep and so hard it hurts, pierces through the breathless haze and leaves you clenching around him.

"please," your breath escapes you with his next thrust.

please don't leave me. don't abandon me for him. don't discard me now that you have someone better. don't leave me all by myself...

tears dot at your eyes, squeezing around him. satoru's own eyes are wide and wild, his hips shoving into you staggeringly fast.

"i got you," he says, close, so close, "i've got you."

another deep thrust, painful as it is pleasurable, bruising and fast like his fingertips on your hips. he swallows your moans with a kiss.

he thinks he can eat up all your complaints, all your anxiety. hide away from his own by nestling himself in your body.

you don't want anyone but him, right? he's the only one who touches you like this.

the way you squeeze around him, the way your body feels against his, no one else gets that from you. shoko couldn't do this for you. no one could.

you say his name again and he's ready to burst. you love him always. you're so good for him. you make him feel good just by being there.

a part of his life. a missing limb. his precious sister, his beating heart, right there against his chest.

"there," satoru pants, "fuck, there, cum for me, baby..."

it's tears you blink away when he gasps and cums, burying himself inside you with a wounded sort of whimper.

you never do, when it's him. to be fair, you've never done it to yourself, either.

you only ever came when shoko fucked you. but fucked is such an ugly word for how gently she touched you, how soft she smiled.

"satoru," you whine again, "do you like him more than me? i like you more than shoko..."

satoru doesn't answer you. his hands move from your bruised hips to wrap around you, pull you close, plant kisses on your head.

"you know," he mumbles out your name. "you know."

there's a flash of rage. irrational.

he won't say it. he won't even say it. satoru will fuck you, his own sister. cling to you like he needs you to survive, sleep with you every night of his life.

but he won't say he loves you more than geto. he won't even say he likes you.

and you know - because you know him like the back of your hand, you were born with him, you spent every waking moment of your life with him until you came to the school - you know satoru loves you.

but he loves you like he loves air. it's always there. always accessible. it's not like the air will suddenly leave.

you curl into satoru's muscled chest, let him embrace you closer, sink into the silence that's only comfortable for him.

maybe there's something you can do about this.

[la2yn0va]

Friends…?

Characters: Jiaoqiu, Feixiao, Male Reader (Moze is mentioned)

(Can be taken as platonic or romantic. If romantic it’s a one-sided crush from the characters)

————

-Childhood-

“Hey! Get a load of this loser!” A boy said as he pushed another against the wall. A pink-haired foxian—Jiaoqiu. Jiaoqiu’s ears stayed down as he shuddered fearfully.

“L-leave me alone!” He pleaded shakily, which fell on deaf ears. “Hah~? But I haven’t even started yet you pathetic fox” the bully harshly tugged on his ears as three others laughed behind him and Jiaoqiu yelped in pain, tears forming as they usually do. “S-STOP!! PLEASE IT HURTS!!”

Once again, no one heard his pleas. He was left alone to cry as his four tormentors laughed at him. “Come on! Do something about it you useless loser~! I thought foxian’s were meant to be smart! But you’re just a pathetic freak!”

Then, a boy seemingly appearing out of nowhere, jumped up and slammed his feet against the back of two laughing bullies. “H-HUH!!? WHAT THE—!!” Before the other one could finish, he was met with a chop to the jugular.

The boy then faced the leader, who had let go of jiaoqiu’s ear and stared fearfully at the boy who had just knocked out his three friends “Who—” a punch to his gut quickly shut him up before slamming his bicep against the leaders neck and bashing him against a wall, successfully knocking him out.

Jiaoqiu stared in awe and slight fear. He had never seen someone around his age so fast and easily knock out four boys under a minute! “You okay foxy?” The boy asked making jiaoqiu jump slightly before nodding. He walked up to him and jiaoqiu tried to back away unsuccessfully, still abit fearful of being hit, however, he was…being patted on the head?

“Huh…?” “So fluffy and soft. I’m jealous of you” The boy said with a small smile, easing the nerves of the bullied foxian. “I’m M/n. What’s your name foxy?” “I-I..I’m Jiaoqiu” “well jiaoqiu. I like you. And you’re my friend now”

From that day on, m/n was always seen by jiaoqiu’s side. Weather it was in the library reading on medicine, or in a back alley, beating down on some bullies or even thieves. “Hey jiaoqiu. If a woman can only produce one gender, does that make their womb weak or special?” “Please m/n.. I’m a chief...stop asking me those questions…”

Jiaoqiu dreamed of being a chief yet also a healer to help the military combat the abominations of the abundance. He tried to convince m/n to join the military as m/n was easily the strongest person he knew… well… besides someone else.

“Hey. Why do you want to join the cloud knights? You’re basically giving up your life to some people you don’t have any connection with.. I think it’s pretty dumb.”

“That’s… not how I see it… I want to get rid of the abundance monsters because.. well.. they killed my mom and dad. Not to mention the borisin who ensalved my kind are apparently working with those monsters… I feel like it’s my duty to be on the war and make sure no one dies”

“Huh… I guess I never thought of it like that… At least your not giving up your life for a bunch of nobodies” M/n said, patting jiaoqiu as he usually did making his friend blush a bit. “Sure.. look if you join the cloud knights-” “I already said no” “You will find a person that can beat you!”

That seemed to catch m/n’s interest “Huh? What’re you talking about? I’ve never lost a fight, even with trained cloud knights” “Well… these this girl in the cloud knights. One who I.. owe a debt to. Her name is feixiao and she’s easily the strongest person I know.. maybe even stronger than you” he said teasingly.

M/n stayed silent. He isn’t actually gonna join for a dumb reason like that.. is he? No. No. He doesn’t care about the people of yaoqing, he doesn’t have any connection with them… but then again… being on the battlefield and fighting… meeting this feixiao…releasing his own anger on the enemies of the xianzhou… maybe it is where he’s meant to go… “Fine. I’ll bite”

“M/n… where are your parents..?” “I don’t have any” “Huh?” “Yep. I’ve been a street kid for as long as I remember.” Jiaoqiu felt his tail fall and his ears flop “o-oh.. I-I’m sorry” “why? Did you take them away from me” “I-What!? No I just—” “Ha. Calm down, I’m joking around… plus… I don’t care… I don’t care… I just really don’t care”

—Young Adult Years—

M/n was thriving in the cloud knights. He was easily the best of the upcoming graduates. Hell probably even the best of those who ALREADY graduated! His instructors showed special attention to him, wishing the hone and sharpen his skills even further to battle the enemies of the hunt.

His fellow trainee’s looked up to him. Even calling him ‘Big Brother M/n’. He fought with multiple weapons instead of a sword or a spear, as he wished to be adaptable and unpredictable in the battlefield. Something his instructors agreed on, yet also reminded him to use his great mind for intellectual plays as well. Something m/n was obviously and already planning on doing.

Then one day, the instructors decided to hold a special little event. They would bring a cloud knight here to fight m/n. Just to put on a little show and give m/n the fun he looked for. That cloud knight happened to be Feixiao.

“At ease soldiers!” The instructor commanded, as all the soilders relaxed and faced their commander. “Now. As I’m sure you’re all aware, we’ve decided to hold a special event. Everyone! Greet your senior. Could Knight: Feixiao” “MORNING CLOUD KNIGHT FEIXIAO!!” “Ah…! Feixiao…! That’s the woman…” m/n remembered jiaoqiu mentioning her being stronger than him.

“Trainee M/n! Step forward, Solider!!” M/n walked forward as he met feixiao, who looked outwardly enthusiastic yet her eyes held a type of boredom and interest. “Feixiao. I’m sure you’ve been informed why you’ve been summoned here” The White Haired-Foxian nodded with a charming smile “Yeah. I’m meant to fight your best trainee. This Him? I’ve heard quite the story about you Soilder”

“All good I hope” “Mhm. Shall we get started?” “Straight to the point. I like you already” The trainees formed a circle around the two as they were handed wooden swords. “I’ve heard a lot about you from jiaoqiu” “Ohh! No wonder your name sounded familiar. Jiaoqiu also told me a lot about you” “yeah. Thanks for being with him in the cloud knights” “Thanks for being with him during his childhood” They nodded before getting ready to battle. They stared intensely at each other before the whistle blew and they ran at each other.

They clashed the wooden swords together, leaning in the glare at the other with determination. They then jumped away and swung their swords at each other while trying to kick the other. Feixiao was surprised, usually no one would’ve lasted this long against her, jiaoqiu really wasn’t kidding when he said m/n was impressive.

M/n swung his sword and hit her sword before ducking and throwing a sweep kick, which feixiao jumped over and m/n quickly spun around, planting his hand on the ground and pushing himself up to send a kick to feixiao who once again blocked it with her own kick.

The two stood stun locked as they stared at the other in awe. However, they quickly shoved each other away and m/n threw his sword towards her, which she dodged as his sword was stabbed onto the ground and m/n ran towards her, his arm out to close line her. She dodged and she swung her sword which he slide under, moved up and jumped at his sword. One foot kicked the sword and he used it and his momentum to swing around and send a kick to feixiao, while grabbing his sword.

Feixiao looked suprised at this but quickly blocked his kick and ducked his sword swing before slamming him onto the ground and planting her foot on his stomach, making her the victor. M/n stared in surprise.. he actually lost? While feixiao stared in excitement. A rival. She had actually found a rival. “Hahaha~! Not bad! You’re definitely cloud knight material! I’m surprised you didn’t join or graduate earlier!!” She said, helping him up. And, a smiling m/n held onto her hand as excitement shined in his eyes “Holy shit!! You’re Fucking amazing!! No ones ever been able to beat me before!!” M/n quickly hugged her from excitement, making the cloud knight laugh in embarrassment and amusement.

The instructor watched nervously.. maybe getting two battle hungry solider to fight against each other who also haven’t lost a battle wasn’t a good idea. The other trainee’s stared in awe at the battle in front of them, feeling excitement of their own rise up as they yelled and chanted their names.

A couple months later, the trainee’s were graduating and they were choosing which division they wanted to join. Y/n had gotten a recommendation from every division, But he only had his eyes sent on one division. Feixiao’s who had recently became the lieutenant colonel of said division. Hell the recommendation was from her. So, without a second thought. He already made his decision.

The next day, he was personally greeted by feixiao. M/n quickly jumped up to hug her, excited to fight alongside her AND possible fight her. Luckily for him, feixiao didn’t push him away but gladly embraced him with a giggle of her own, the favoritism for m/n from lieutenant colonel Feixiao was painfully obvious.

The next few weeks, the new recruits were being tested to see which battalion they’d thrive in. The aviation, Medicare, Army Corps, Special Forces, etc. M/n was personally chosen by feixiao to join her own battalion in the special forces, his potential and skill easily exceeded everyone else. That and favoritism. M/n joined feixiao, jiaoqiu and a man named moze who was apparently a prison breaker/assassin… something told him he’d get along with him the most. Those were the only ones who m/n bothered to remember, everyone else were just another number to him.

“And you’ll be sleeping here” Feixiao said as m/n flopped on the bed gleefully. “Ahh~ joining the cloud knights was definitely the right choice” “I’m glad you decided to join. I’ve been much more excited since our battle back at the academy” “Speaking of which. I want a rematch! Me and you! Wooden swords again! Once I beat you with that— THEN we can use our real weapons!” He said excitedly which made feixiao laugh, patting his head “Hahahaha~ Sure m/n. But not now, I have something’s I need to take care of” “Booo” he pouted which made feixiao snicker “cute” she thought, bopping his nose and walking out “see you tomorrow Solider”

She waved and exited his room as another entered—Jiaoqiu “Hey there foxy” “Hello m/n. How’s your first day” “Amazing! Meeting feixiao just made my life even better!! You weren’t being a sly cunning manipulative piece of shit when you said she was strong!” “Ahaha.. indeed”

—Adult Years—

Years had passed since m/n joined feixiao. He was now a fully fledged vice lieutenant along side Feixiao. Battle the borisin and abominations of the abundance, freeing enslaved foxians. Meeting people from different ships of the xianzhou. However, m/n has been off as of late.

No one knows why and when they try to question him about it he just acts like nothing’s wrong. This was especially worrying for feixiao, jiaoqiu and moze. They hadn’t seen m/n like this ever. He was always excited for a battle yet stoic when hanging out, but now he was just stoic. That child like yet charming excitement had seemingly disappeared.

Jiaoqiu tried to up lift his spirits by asking him some of the strange questions he once asked him as a kid. Feixiao tried to battle him daily yet that seemed to fail again. Moze tried to help by teaching him some criminal actions like how to escape from the shackling prison and things along that line, it seemed to work slightly but still no significant changes.

Moze felt uneasy, feixiao felt her heart ache, and jiaoqiu felt useless and pathetic—m/n was his one and only childhood friend yet he couldn’t for the life of him find out why or what was making m/n feeling down. M/n didn’t even come out of his room unless it was for battling. This would not stand any longer. So, feixiao took initiative.

“M/n. It’s feixiao, I’m coming in” She said, walking in to see m/n blankly staring at the celling. Feixiao called out his name a bit louder which managed to get his attention “Oh.. Feixiao… another battlefield to go to?” He said blankly, which irked the lieutenant even more, she hated that tone, that blank, emotionless, robotic tone didn’t suit m/n. “No. I’m here for you” “Huh?” Feixiao sat down next to her friend, facing him with a determined look. “What’s wrong with you?” “Hmm?” “Your demeanor! You’ve been all robotic for the last few months now! Do you know how worried I’ve been…!? How worried Jiaoqiu and Moze are!!?”

“It’s…I didn’t know—” “That too! Since when are you blind to our emotions!? You’re the first that knows when someone’s acting off!” M/n stayed silent, just staring at his worried lieutenant “Come on m/n. Please tell me what’s been eating away at you. I can’t handle it to see you being like this a second longer!”

“….a few months ago. You sent me on a mission to eradicate a Disciple of Sanctus Medicus commander. He was hiding in a remote town in the countryside. But when I was there… I found a family… I found my mom. She looked.. happy. When I approached her she didn’t even recognize me. Not just that but I’ve been.. I-I was starting to care for the people of yaoqing… I ignored my mission and tried to get to know the mom I never had, along with my half sister. But it seemed like my mom felt uncomfortable by me. Because I ignored my mission, everyone in that town were murdered, but my mom… she was turned into one of the monsters. Then.. her dying words were ‘why did you come back! How are you alive!!? I left you for the borisin to get mauled!! You got my husband murdered now you come back and get me and my perfect life without you destroyed!! You were always a demon brat!! You can’t even die properly!! I never loved you, so why the fuck would you think I wanted to bond with you after all these years!!!’ Her last words, before you guys came and saved me… she didn’t even want me to be born. She left me to the borisin to get fucking mutilated. But since I’ve started to care about the people of yaoqing.. this FUCKING itch has been in my mind that I can’t scratch!! I-I feel like because I started to care IM the reason why those people died a meaningless death!! It’s because I’ve been more emotional that I ignored my mission and tried to get to know my—my….My ‘birther’. I just… I don’t know how to feel. I don’t—”

Before he could continue, feixiao quickly brought him into her embrace, comforting the confused and depressed man as he cried into her shoulder “It’s okay… I got you.. I’m here for you… WERE here for you. Someone like you didn’t deserve such a bitch for a mom” she comforted him as he silently cried, slowly he fell asleep from fatigue and feixiao held him in her arms, picking him up to lock the door before laying herself and him on his bed, sleeping while holding him closely.

.

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.

.

.

.

Weeks later, m/n seemed to return to his usual self but much less upbeat. He felt much closer to feixiao now and she was definitely keeping an eye on him much more, much to jiaoqiu’s confusion and sliiiiiiight jealousy. Moze just seemed glad that everything returned to normal. Later they’re was a red alert, the enemies of the hunt had teamed up with the borisin to attack a city.

All divisions quickly ran to the battlefield that was the city, massive clash can be heard from miles and miles away. Slowly, the city was being destroyed and both sides were begging to fall. This battle lasted for 3 whole months before the cloud knights came out victorious. Many soldiers fell yet one person was no where to be found. They searched everywhere, every sinkhole made, under every fallen building, and even a 50 mile radius to find him. But m/n was nowhere to be found.

Feixiao, Jiaoqiu, and Moze were hit the hardest by this. M/n had just started to return to normal, and now he was missing. No body, no scrap of dna, no armor or clothing. He just vanished. Feixiao refused to make a burial for m/n. She refused to accept that he was dead, she wouldn’t even humor it, the same for Jiaoqiu, who became even more attached to feixiao and despite to repay his debt to her, Moze became much more reclusive.

Years later, m/n was found. When feixiao and jiaoqiu heard this news, their face lit up like never before. They begged Moze to take them to him. But instead they were handed a paper. A wanted paper for Stellaron Hunter M/n. Bounty— 10,799,000,000

———

[grapejuicestyless]

Letter To An Old Poet

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: She would have given him the moon, and he only ever realized he wanted it until she couldn’t anymore. Part two to Moon Song

“I think that you’re special.”

He smiled, hands wrapped around the dead lumber he sharpened with his pocket knife, the scraping sound was unavoidably heard swirling around the July fog. The rope creaked each time the wind blew us into a soft sway, and the grass beneath us tickled our bottoms as we hung dangerously close to the soil and it’s roots.

“You think?” He laughed through his teeth, scoffing softly, the breath between his sighs confirming he didn’t really care about my choice of words.

“I know.” I promised him, looking at the way the moon highlighted his waves and the stars casted a glow over his cheeks.

He was focused on his makeshift spear still, carving away like his life depended on it, like it meant something to him.

The rope threatened to snap when I crawled over to him. I didn’t even have the heart to pull his knives and his weapons from his palms, I simply settled between the bends of his arms and laid contently on his chest. I felt the flakes of oak falling on my back, and his arms squeezed me a little tighter as he worked.

“So needy.” He laughed, because he knew it was true. I would lay between him and a flame to feel the comfort of his touch.

I loved him irrevocably, naively, delicately. My whole self was poured into the glass that was him. Yet, he hadn’t been able to fall in love with my overflow. Maybe I didn’t under it yet then, but soon I would.

“I just want you all to myself.” I breathed against his chest, my fingers fiddling with the loose threads on his shirt, one I was already planning on fixing for him. Little acts of service, touch, kindness, and pure love. All languages I spoke only for him.

“You’re so selfish.” He joked.

“Shut up, you dork.” I love you.

“Oh, so now I’m a dork?” I love you.

I nodded my head, smiling and pressing my forearms against his broad chest. I felt his knife settle against the back, closed and not wielding any threats. JJ would never hurt me, not yet, anyway.

I love you.

“Maybe I should just find someone who appreciates me.” He teased. Did he know how hard I loved him?

“Shut up, Maybank!” I laughed into his shoulder. I love you.

“Make me.” He retorted.

So, I shut him up, and I kissed him hard, in the dark, in the hammock.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I loved you.

“How many more times do I have to promise you I don’t want her!” JJ shouted. It seemed like that’s all we ever did anymore. Fought, cried, hugged, and disappeared from each other’s lives.

“You don’t get it.”

“No, I don’t, please, enlighten me, Y/n. Because I’m fucking confused and nobody’s telling me shit!” He pulled at the roots of his hair, dirt kicking up behind him. We walked along a windy road, the one that branched off from the Chateau. I had simply left the last things of his I had left to remind me of what I lost in a box on the porch. But he’s a leech, and he had to have known I would give him back his clothing, because even as selfish as I was with him, it wasn’t mine to keep to myself anymore.

“You think you’re a good person, just because you won’t punch me in the stomach.”

Silence fell over us, my eyes looking up into his, and his mouth hung open like a fish out of water, an idiot trying to make himself sound like a poet. But he never had a way with his words, that was always my dealing of cards.

“And still, I loved you. I don’t know why, I just do.” I spoke softly, sniffling as I used all of my willpower to not cry in front of the man I swore would never see me weak again. Not after he made a fool of me in front of everyone I cared about. The same people I would never get the privilege of meeting again, because our friends were just his at the end of the day.

“Good, then love me. Let yourself love me, because I love you. I love you more than anything else and I can’t…I can’t lose that!” He pleaded, grasping at my limbs like threads that clung to the sleeves of his shirts.

“No, no. JJ, I can’t. You’re not someone who gets to be special in my life anymore. Not then, and not now. Maybe I believed you deserved it then, maybe I believed it when I watched you kissing her, and maybe I believed it when you promised me she meant nothing, but I can’t believe it now.”

“Why not!” He begged for an answer.

“Because you’re not special, you’re evil.” I spoke softly. “You don’t have to hit a girl to hurt her. And you’ve hurt me more than you could ever have known.”

He could have watched me fall down the stairs, and he wouldn’t have shown remorse, so I wasn’t shocked at the stone faced boy that stood in front of me, confused, conflicted, maybe.

“I still think you’re special. No, I know you are.”

I nodded as he spoke. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. The girl he loved would have laid on a wire for him, but the woman I was now would tell him to find another way. She wouldn’t sacrifice herself for a boy who couldn’t love her the way she deserved, and she was coming to terms with understanding that, that was okay. Because the truth was, he had treated me like his equal, and so I became that, but I’m better than him, and he should know that by now.

“You don’t even know me.” I cried, pulling myself together as soon as I broke. I sucked up my tears in a wet mess, my knuckles shaking, dripping with the tears they tried to stop.

“Of course I do, I know you. I love you.”

I shook my head, backing away, even as he followed in my footsteps.

“You hesitated, JJ. You hesitated when I asked if you loved her. When you love someone, you don’t even have to think about saying no to a question like that. If you knew me, if you knew what I would have done for you, for us, you would have known I would have never done that to you.” I spoke bitterly, closing my eyes to stop the tears, I hiccuped between breaths.

“She’s my best friend.” JJ spoke like his reason was obvious.

“And you were mine.”

Silence. Cold, hard, silence. It’s what hits when both people realize they’ve come to a silent ending in their conversation. We didn’t have to keep arguing for us, because there was no more us, and the silence was just the fact of that settling in.

I’m ready to finally walk into a room without looking for JJ. My eyes wander over every corner looking for the boy whose arm I hung off of for so many years. The boy who ripped my youth from me, and the boy I will always be thankful for because now I know that only dogs appreciate the gifts I brought for him.

I want to be happy, with or without him. And soon, I know it will happen for me. I am too good to waste my energy on someone who couldn’t love half as hard as I did.

Maybe he couldn’t have. But maybe he just realized it too late for us.

But I’m ready to love without him, and I’m ready to be happy.

I can’t feel it yet, but I am waiting.

[silverynight]

The nurse and the pro hero

Izuku gets a little bit startled by the chaos outside; by what he can see from behind reception, there are four pro heroes struggling at the other side of the entrance.

He's ready to go out and help, but the head nurse puts a gentle hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"They're not in trouble, we are," she groans. "That's Dynamight right there."

"Oh!" Izuku gets really excited at the mention of the hero name; he's a hero fan boy at heart, even though he decided to go to a medical school. He's a nurse now and very proud of it. "And I think I spot Pinky, Chargebolt and Red Riot as well!"

It must be his lucky day because he works at a hospital for civilians so they don't see pro heroes often unless they're fighting a villain nearby. There's a hospital that specializes in treating pro heroes.

"They are his friends," the head nurse explains. "They always come with him wherever he's being a stubborn idiot," she turns around and curses when she doesn't see any of Izuku's coworkers nearby.

"What is it?"

"Everyone ran away," she sighs, sounding tired already. "Nobody likes that one; he doesn't stay still and always claims to be fine even if he has a broken bone."

"Dynamight?"

"Yeah, that little demon."

"Oh," Izuku mumbles as the four pro heroes finally manage to walk in. Two of them are practically dragging the explosive hero inside.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm afraid you'll have to assist the doctor this time, because nobody else is going to."

"That's okay!" He assures her.

"LET ME GO, SHITTY HAIR! I TOLD YOU I'M FINE!"

"You're bleeding!" Pinky rolls her eyes, not even worried about the amount of curses that come from that gremlin's mouth. "Sorry to bother you this beautiful night, but the angry pomeranian got himself hurt again."

"I'm Midoriya Izuku, I'll take you to an examination room, just follow me."

However, that's when Dynamight stops struggling completely and stares at Izuku without blinking for a while; Izuku starts getting worried even though the wound on his arm doesn't look serious. It might need a couple of stitches but that's all.

Even Charbebolt and Red Riot look at their friend in shock when they don't feel any type of resistance anymore.

"Are you alright, Dynamight-san?" Izuku asks, waving a hand in front of him. "Did you hit your head at some point?"

"Maybe he's lost too much blood already!" Chargebolt worries.

"I'M FINE!" Dynamight finally blinks and then growls at his friends before shaking them off.

Pinky is the only one who looks relaxed, she seems amused by the situation even.

"Lead the way then," the explosive pro hero tells Izuku and it's the first time the green haired nurse doesn't see him yelling at someone.

When they're inside and Izuku asks the pro hero to sit on the examination table, he starts thinking that maybe all the rumors about his bad behavior are slightly exaggerated. Because the pro hero does exactly as Izuku asks him too.

His friends are looking at him with their jaws dropped.

The doctor walks in while Izuku is cleaning the wound and even she looks a little bit surprised at the sight.

"It seems to be only your arm," she observes, leaning closer to Dynamight.

"I'm done!" Izuku beams, finally stepping away from him, looking happy with the way he patched the pro hero up.

Even though the doctor is still speaking, he can feel the pro hero's eyes on him.

"Thank you, uhh... Midoriya."

The other pro heroes and even the doctor herself look like they're in shock; Red Riot even chokes at Dynamight's words.

"You're welcome!"

"I'm Bakugo Katsuki, but you can call me Katsuki."

Izuku blushes to the tip of his ears, but he shakes his head.

"I'm afraid I can't, we barely know each other. Besides, I'm just your nurse."

It seems like Bakugo is about to argue, but instead he nods, looking like a kicked puppy. Izuku regrets his decision almost immediately.

"I thought he was really nice," he comments out loud to the head nurse when the pro heroes are gone.

"It seems Midoriya tamed the angry pomeranian," the doctor says. "I think he has a crush on our sweet boy."

Izuku's face turns strawberry red, he's sure of it.

"That's not true!" He says at the same time the head nurse says: "It makes sense, that's why he finally shut up as soon as he saw him."

Izuku shakes his head, refusing to believe something as ridiculous as that.

***

Bakugo keeps coming back every time he's hurt; Izuku thinks that maybe he's in charge of that area of the city, but another nurse assures him that's not the case, as he shows him a video on YouTube of him fighting at the other side of the city. The video was live just a couple of hours ago.

But that's ridiculous, why would he go to that hospital then?

"He always asks for you," the head nurse points out, to which Izuku shakes his head again.

Sometimes his friends come with him, although they never try to grab him again because the pro hero walks inside voluntarily each time.

"Your eyes are pretty," Bakugo blurts out once, prompting Izuku to almost drop the tray of medical equipment he was carrying.

"Thank you, Bakugo-san." He mumbles, trying not to sound as flustered as he feels.

"Call me Katsuki."

Izuku tries to focus on his task and inspects the wound on Bakugo's shoulder. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be broken, and the doctor confirms it a couple of minutes later.

"Your pro hero is here again," now the entire staff calls Bakugo Izuku's pro hero, much to the green haired nurse embarrassment.

They even say that in front of Bakugo once and the pro hero doesn't even blink.

Bakugo doesn't help his case that much either; he starts bringing Izuku coffee, hot chocolate and All Might merch signed by the former pro hero himself once he found out Izuku was an All Might fan.

One of Izuku's coworkers shows him that the people are spreading rumors about Dynamight being in love with someone from that hospital on Twitter because a couple of people have seen him there.

Izuku thinks he saw one of their patients trying to take a picture of the pro hero once, so it makes sense.

"But that doesn't mean it's me."

"Who else, boy?" The head nurse rolls her eyes at him. "Honestly, for someone so brilliant, you can be quite dense sometimes."

Izuku doesn't believe it, but he does give in and starts calling Bakugo 'Kacchan' mostly because he couldn't bring himself to call him Katsuki; it sounds too intimate for him.

But then Katsuki starts using his given name and Izuku can't help but blush every single time he does that.

Katsuki seems to be very pleased by the situation.

***

"Your pro hero is waiting for you in the examination room," the head nurse smirks and Izuku notices that his other coworkers are looking with interest in his direction.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, sweetie," Pinky says, smiling at him as she stops Chargebolt from stepping closer to him. "We said we would wait outside, remember, Kaminari?"

Chargebolt pouts, turns around and right into Red Riot's embrace. The other pro hero gives him a couple of headpats to calm him down.

"I'm sure Bakubro will tell us everything."

Very confused, Izuku decides to step inside the room. However, for the first time Katsuki is in his civilian clothes and he seems to be completely fine.

"What–" That's when he notices the bouquet of cherry blossoms. "Oh."

"Izuku, I'd love for you to take care of me and patch me up for the rest of our lives."

That sounds dangerously close to a–

"What the heck, Blasty?" Pinky's voice is very clear at the other side of the door. "You said you were going to take it slow!"

"AND YOU PROMISED NOT TO EAVESDROP!" Katsuki yells back before staring at Izuku again, this time blushing to the tip of his ears, completely flustered. "I didn't mean to say that out loud, sorry... although I mean it."

"Kacchan!" Izuku blurts out, heart beating inside his chest like crazy.

"Would you like to go on a date with me, Izuku?"

Despite being absolutely nervous, he doesn't hesitate when he whispers, shyly: "I'd love to."

The cheering outside tells him that Pinky wasn't the only one eavesdropping, but Izuku doesn't care because Katsuki is taking him in his arms and kissing him on the lips.

They pull away, panting and blushing only after a couple of knocks at the door.

"Listen, Midoriya, I'm really happy for you, but you better not be making out with your pro hero in there!" The head nurse yells at the other side, prompting Izuku to giggle and Katsuki to smirk.

"I'll see you at the end of my shift, Kacchan."

"I can't wait."

***

Patreon

[luffyvace]

BSD character’s reactions to screwing up they’re first date with you ( T_T)＼(^-^ )

Includes (most) the ada and port mafia <3

they’ll be pretty short since it’s a lot of characters :P (these exclude kyoka, Q and lemon thing aka kajii)

ADA

Fukuzawa 🗡

he’s probably slightly embarrassed but knowing him I’m sure it wasn’t too bad of a screw up

in fact it was probably a minor embarrassing moment that happened

it was silence for a split second before you two changed subjects from what happened

the date went pretty smoothly after that

the typa detail that gets left out when you talk about how the date went

Ranpo 👓

he’ll probably realize what’s gonna happen to ruin the date before it does, and either act to make sure it doesn’t

or smoothly addresses it and moves on

just cuz he’s like that 😎🤷‍♀️ (LOL)

but if something he doesn’t predict happens that crashes your date he’ll be pretty butt hurt

like? How come the worlds greatest detective didn’t see through this??

🙄

you likely end up assuring him it’s fine and continue the date

he sulks and eats snacks when he gets home

your probability of still going on the next date anyway is 89% but he’s still mad that happened

Yosano🥼

she will be pretty bummed out and will starting drinking wine mid date

she may ask if you want some

she’s not sulking or anything but if like where y’all was gonna go is booked/closed you end up just going to some open public area and talking

about how this sucks, what you’ll do next date, if you can do something last minute, that you both doubt you’ll try and go there for a date again and eventually to lighter topics like your hobbies n such

but yeah the date decently recovers

kunikida🤓

YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS MAN IS UTTERLY ENRAGED

in all seriousness he’s s t r e s s i n g

he kinda panics because he planned this out so perfectly and now it’s ruined??

over course he has a back up plan down to z but it’s was supposed to go PERFECT.

(if dazai ruined it for you two he’s gonna choke him out as soon as he sees him)

eventually he stops mumbling and pacing and just takes you to plan b

which actually goes really well!

thankfully it ended in his favor but he’s still gonna spend everyday of his like repenting his first date

because you were his first date with anyone ever

and it was….spoiled. 😀

Dazai💀

you already know mr. slick bounced back immediately

like he went “oh well” and took you to do something else without batting an eye

made it just as fun as the original activity was gonna be

you’d think he had a plan b in mind but he indeed did not

he just had the money to make it look like it 😉

smooth operator 🤪😚

Tanizaki😅

apologizes like a million times

he didn’t mean to ruin it!!

especially if this is your first date too

cuz this is definitely his seeing as though Naomi won’t let him date nobody else 😃😅

(you only got away with him bc Naomi likes you /j)

you guys probably end up walking around and get some ice cream

sitting on a bench and talking

a cat came up to you two and you pet them

All in all it ended peacefully !! <3

(he sulked to Naomi but was grateful things still went alright)

naomi💗

she went “awwww” 🙁

you all likely end up in a arcade and eat some snacks too

You guys use the money you were gonna spend at the original place

it still ends up being pretty fun but you can tell she’s bummed out

you give her a kiss on the cheek at the end of the date to make her feel better 💖

(she immediately perks up)

Kenji🐄

he was kinda like “that stinks” but didn’t even seem sad about it

you two rerouted but couldn’t find anything to do

so you pretty much ended up wandering

not either of you mind, passerby we’re really kind to you and gave you free stuff

At least you didn’t leave empty handed 🤷‍♀️😋

atsushi🐯

your his first ever date- canon.

so when he realizes he (wasn’t his fault but he feels like it anyway) blew it, he’s utterly disappointed

he explains this is his first date and he wanted it to be special, even more so since it was with someone so cool like you

you hear him out, patting his back and giving him head pats to make him feel better

he even went out of his way to buy some new clothes 😞

you tell him it’s okay but he doesn’t feel that way

he asks if there’s anyway he can make it up to you and insists to buy you something before you go

he gets you something you picked out from a shop

although he’s practically hyperventilating over whether you’ll ghost him or not since he screwed it up

PM

Mori💉

another smooth one

i doubt whatever store/place you were trying to go to was closed because he could just pay to open it back up

so it’s likely something embarrassing/awkward happened instead

HE PROBABLY TOOK ELISE AND SHE SAID SMTH 😂😂😂😂

anyway

if so he immediately corrects her then deactivates his ability……

he wanted her to come on the date so he could take her in the future and have you be used to it

clearly that talk he had about not saying private stuff went in one ear and out the other

he apologizes for whatever inconvenience happened and does what every rich man does :)

throws money at the problem :)

no fr y’all went to every shop and he bought you what you wanted from it

(Hey just the for the record I don’t condone mori’s behavior and i genuinely don’t know why the creator did that—they coulda just left that out he coulda been so much better🧍‍♀️)

Hirotsu👔

he doesn’t let little things bother him, but a date with someone that’s important to him?

and it gets ruined??

now that’s kinda disappointing

he formally apologizes and asks if there’s anything you have in mind or like to do for compensation

or maybe if it’s not that drastic he’ll just apologize and try to direct the conversation else where

he isn’t sweating it or anything but the blunder was a pain for a hot second

either way he gets through it without letting it stop the entire date as a whole

Koyo👘

is really embarrassed for 3 hot secs before she collects herself, sighing

Is blushing a bit when she asks if your upset and apologizes

she likely planned this date and told you not to worry about it because things like this wasn’t so supposed to happen

luckily for her she switched from her original idea to something else, so now that that hasn’t worked out she can go back

from there the date returns to smooth sailing

she spoils you and tries to get you forget as much as possible

she especially doesn’t want that getting on her reputation if you work at the PM as well

Chuuya🥂

really irritated and swears under his breath while facing away from you

tries to make it look like he has it under control but he’s kinda freaking out

he liked you so much he really wanted this to go well :/

In the end he can’t think of anything and ends up muttering an apologizing before suggesting to go get some wine together

gets even more embarrassed if your not a drinker

he’s mentally slapping himself at this point

you probably end up pitching in and throwing an idea out there yourself, to which your idea works and the rest of the night is really fun! ;3

he keeps mentioning how good your idea was because it totally saved him

He’s happy when he walks through the door of his place, but when he remembers he blew it he gets upset again

spends the rest of the night drinking and thinking about it hoping you still wanna date him

Higuchi🔫

she is a lover who wants to do everything for the one she loves

so finally landing a date with you and blowing it is like her whole world exploding 💥

she becomes frantic in apologizing asking how to make it up to you

even if it was just a minor thing

if she can turn things around she still feels successful but makes precautions not to let that happen again

if not she’s totally bawling her eyes out to gin about it

she does her best to get on your good side before asking for another date

Tachihara⚔️

gets a bit flustered and sheepishly looks at you to see if it bothered you

his reaction depends on yours

if you start complaining about how much of a bummer it is he’ll start to feel bad

he tries to cheer you up and suggests to move to something else

but if your calm n cool about it so is he

he kinda shrugs one shoulder and says “so what now/wanna do somethin’ else instead?”

Akutagawa🧥

*coughs*

”err..guess the place is closed. I checked yesterday and they were open so this must be a fluke..”

he probably awkwardly stands there from there

if your response is too negative he’ll apologize for wasting your time and offer to drive you home

he will likely hesitate before asking you on a date again and makes sure everything is perfect this time

”curse the weretiger” (you hear him mumble this like it’s a swear word before you close the door to your house)

If you don’t mind as much you two will probably just end up chatting somewhere

it ends with him apologizing anyway

(say you enjoyed talking with him and you might be met with wide eyes and a little blush on his face <3)

Gin☺️

blushes, stammers and apologizes like crazy

she feels really ashamed since this is your first date and something went wrong

she covers her mouth with her hand to sort of “hide” out of embarrassment

she even took off her mask and dressed up all cute for you!! :(

luckily! She brought you a gift !

you ended up really liking it and you hugged her for it, which made her feel a bit better

you ask to return the favor by buying her something too

she insists you don’t have to but you end up doing it anyway

you wrap your arm around each other’s waist while you walk which was pretty romantic :)

you kiss her atop her forehead before separating to head home

(if your not in the PM or can’t physically hand yourself—she probably follows you home from a distance, BUT NOT IN A CREEPY WAY. In a ‘she wants to know your home safe’ loving way)

she squeals when she gets home and tells ryuunosuke about the highs and lows of your date 💗

yes as I said pretty short but these were mostly a trial run for fun :)

again this is just me branching out and expirmenting ;P hopes to you enjoyed!!

[cherish--these--times]

Okay. Enough of this. I'm trying to be more positive LOL

The ending riled me up real bad for multiple reasons I've already mentioned, and we can't change it. It is what it is. But they gave us a lot to be happy about in regards to Tedbecca in the last episode. I see hope in the way Ted seemed incapable of saying anything. His usual chirpy-self, who was always babbling on, filling the silence at every turn, disappeared when Rebecca was concerned. Because he knew that he was hurting her by leaving. Which in turn hurt him. Because that's what love is. The writers might have tried to avoid making it romantic, but they had created a monster. Lemme explain.

Short answer: They were soulmates, they said. No need for it to be romantic, they said. It can be platonic, they said. Men and women can be friends!! they said.

BUT.

Ted and Rebecca were not friends. And that's the catch right there. That's the mistake the writers made.

And that's why this was a love story, no matter how hard they tried to squash the idea.

Long answer:

Rebecca was quite far down on the list of Ted's go-to people by the time season 3 landed. He had Beard of course, the Diamond Dogs, Dr. Sharon, even Keeley was admittidly closer to him by that point.

Rebecca was in a league of her own. They were both navigating their life separately but somehow showing up for one another at a time when nobody else would do. Understanding each other on a level that can't even be articulated.

And when it was time for him to leave, the only one he could not quite face and say goodbye to was her. Because there was something there, unacknowledged, unsaid, looming over them. Even BH alluded to this in his infamous reddit debacle. About saying I love you to one another. I had to read that section back. What I wouldn't do for you people? :D

In my personal opinion, in the airport scene they are both struggling with whether or not to say it. But they both know instinctively that if they do, it could open a floodgate they’d rather not open.

Had they been the BFF that a lot of people mistakenly painted them as, this would have been a no-brainer for them. But they couldn't. Because there was something there. That is something the writers did to themselves.

I blame and thank deeply Hannah W. for this. She instilled so much care and fondness and tenderness towards Ted in season one; Rebecca always liked him, even when she was trying real hard to hate him. And the chemistry was just off the charts.

So she carved a very special place for Rebecca in Ted's orbit, that even the writers could not help but lean into. Resulting in the soulmate idea which didn't take root until season 2.

And BOOM. They fucked themselves over. Because Ted and Rebecca were now bonded in a way that could not be undone, and could not even be strictly defined. But one thing is clear: they are destined to be together if they want a real shot at happiness. It's just the truth that the writers established without trying to. Because they make each other better. They understand each other in a way that is beyond words. They can kiss each other's bruises without judgement or fear of judgement. And yes, in a way that would not have been undermined by also wanting to have sex with one another, contrary to popular belief. As two straight people who enjoy sex, it would have been the logicial last piece of the puzzle.

So the ending is fucking sad, because Ted left without really wanting to, letting yesterday be in the way of today, as Rebecca put it. But the last episode also proved once and for all that Ted and Rebecca are fucking IT for each other. Even if they were not ready to let themselves go there yet.

[otherwordlyanathema]

GOJO SATORU X F!READER

DESCENT INTO INSANITY

Wherein Gojo Satoru is the anchor that keeps you sane.

A/N: Currently crying because of Leaks 😭

'Satoru is dead?'

Y/N couldn't wrap her head around it. One minute he was standing triumphant after annihilating the majority of Shinjuku with his Hallow Purple, the next thing they knew; Sukuna had disembodied him in half.

Everyone was silent.

The situation changed drastically that they couldn't wrap their head around it.

Gojo's students were in anguish.

Y/N watched as Kashimo jumped down as the next contender against Sukuna.

"No! No!" she mumbled, frantically. "Satoru's body is still there..."

It was Hakari who first sprung into action, dashing towards where Kashimo and Sukuna are clashing and narrowly dodging being cut as he took Gojo's body from the battlefield. Returning back to the others, he laid the Special Grade down in front of his lover.

Y/N was a Special Grade in her own right. She was often overlooked because she allowed Gojo's brightness to shine and allowed herself to stay in the background.

Nobody knew how destructive she could be. She was kept in check because Satoru made her happy. Happy and contented enough that she could keep her unstable powers at bay.

Choked sobs escaped from her throat at the sight of Satoru's body.

It hurt like nothing she experienced before. Seeing him bloodied.

From beside her, Shoko knelt down placing a hand where Gojo was cleaved. With her Reverse Cursed Technique, she healed the skin to reattach despite not knowing what it would do. She figured Y/N deserved to see Satoru as she met him.

'I don't know if Satoru could come back from this but at least this gives him a fighting chance.' Shoko thought, sadly looking at her annoying friend.

Y/N let out a heartbroken scream which broke the heart of the spectators of the Battle of the Strongest.

Kneeling down beside Satoru, her hand caressed his blood stained hair and she wiped the blood on his lips with her sleeve. Her hands covered his once bright Six-Eyes that she loved so much as she moved them closed.

'Satoru did not deserve this. He had done so much only to end up like this.' Y/N thought, bitterly. 'You don't know how much I wanted to shelter you from this world you did so much to uphold order.'

Something else had taken root inside of Y/N.

They said death of a beloved makes you numb.

Not in her case.

Her entire being screamed revenge.

Shoko's eyes widened as her gaze drifted to Y/N. Her friend's Cursed Energy was pulsing dangerously. "Y/N what..."

Y/N's leaking Cursed Energy caused everyone to wince at how intense it was.

"Y/N stop! You'll manifest a curse like this!" Shoko scolded, attempting to get the female to calm down.

To their surprise, the female vanished before one of Mei Mei's crows had spotted Y/N levitating above where the clash of Sukuna and Kashimo were currently happening.

'And here comes the numbness they were talking about during grief.' Y/N thought, mustering up her Cursed Energy at maximum output as her eyes took on a crazed look.

'What good has being good done me? None. I'm done being good. The world is about to witness how bad I can be.'

---FLASHBACK---

"Aren't you tired, love?" Y/N asked an exhausted Gojo, who just returned from a solo mission.

His eyes brightened even more at the sight of the female cooking. He bounded towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his head in the crook of her neck. "I am. But I do it for you and the kids. I think that's enough of an incentive to keep going."

Her eyes widened at his statement and how serious he actually seemed. "I want to be able to protect you too. Or at the very least be a sanctuary where you can actually relax and let your guard down."

His only response was a smile, inhaling her scent that never fails to make him content. 'You already do. Coming home to you is sanctuary enough.'

---END FLASHBACK---

"What is life without you, Satoru?" She murmured before a maniacal look came on her once angelic features. "What use is this world without you?"

Her Cursed Energy continued emerging from her, fueled by her desire to destroy it all. It manifested into a huge black sphere of condensed Cursed Energy, ready to raze anything in its path.

She's slowly realizing she wasn't meant to save the world, rather to watch it burn.

"Watch me burn this world for what it has done to you, Satoru."

[taeaura]

Every time I listen to Inbred by Ethel Cain I think of TCM; Specially the 2003/2006 franchise but I guess the others work just as well. Especially:

"You get off on innocence, so you savor this Does your baby know her daddy's a rapist? He hates the way you look at me You're already dead, you're already dead

If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about

You can't win 'em all Who knows how much longer I'll lay on the floor? Touch me 'til I vomit I'm not scared of God, I'm scared he was gone all along (oh, oh)

Who will take the fall? Who of us is stronger? You'll just want it more If you could, you'd have fought it, but you know you're not From the start, they knew you were wrong, you were wrong"

____

IS THIS NOT TCM?? HELLO?? DOES THIS NOT AUTOMATICALLY REMIND YOU OF HOYT AND THOMAS??

The section mentioned above really really reminds me of Hoyt. The line "If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about" reminds me of the distinction of Hoyt versus Charlie. @demphen hints at this in their fic, Darkest Hour {which is phenomenal, it's a good read🫀,} Hoyt and Charlie are almost two "entities" living in one vessel. Charlie's vessel. I like to think Charlie was permanently altered after the war; As would anyone after experiencing such trauma. I think the town dying, Thomas losing his job, and killing the sheriff was what finally did it. What finally "killed" Charlie. Charlie was hanging by a thread; clawing at the shell which once was his, desperately trying to restore the lifeline only to be shut out and 'killed' once the sheriff was too. The one thing keeping the town inline; Keeping Charlie inline, was gone. Hoyt realized {and maybe always knew} that the "protectors" never cared about his family. Back to how this relates to the Inbred lyrics; It almost feels like Hoyt waking up within Charlie. Charlie is in there, we can see "him" when he talks to the family. But as soon as things go rogue, Hoyt 'awakens.' If he = Hoyt; Wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about = someone gets hurt. This is LITERALLY like the hitchhiker scene in the 2003 remake !! "He's a bad man, he's a really bad man -- you're all gonna die."

This song also reminds me of Thomas; Specifically:

"Older brother made a name for himself with the cops Scumbag fuck, but I swear that he's not He's so good to me and to nobody else So you should watch yourself

Mama's comatose, she can't leave the bed Something smells rotten and it starting to spread I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead We're already dead"

____

"Older brother made a name for himself with the cops - Scumbag fuck but I swear that he's not" reminds me of Hoyt and Thomas' relationship. For one, Hoyt not only "became" part of law enforcement, he was a POW. Now, a POW is not someone who gets "involved with the cops" per se, but he did get involved in serious warfare which for some reason reminds me of this line. The following line "Scumbag fuck but I swear that he's not" reminds me of the intense family pride. I think Thomas knows Hoyt is a bad person. Hell, aren't they all? But at the same time he loves his family; They're all he has. Continuing with this narrative; "He's so good to me, and to nobody else - So you should watch yourself." We know Hoyt cares for Thomas, but he's definitely 'tough-love' and judgmental. So this line reminds me of them more because of the essence: He treats us {the family} well, no one else gets that privilege. Watch yourself :)

Now, the line "Mama's comatose, she can't leave the bed" reminds me of Monty, as opposed to Luda Mae. Monty really can't do anything anymore. He used to help tow the victim's cars and help with mechanic repair; But he obviously can't do that now. So it's more the essence of the line as opposed to the line itself. Following up with "Something smells rotten and it's starting to spread" has always reminded me of Thomas' skin condition. His condition caused his skin to rot to such an extreme that he amputated his nose. His condition obviously spread throughout his face, causing him to cover it fully. I guess the anxiety of "it's starting to spread" reminded me of Thomas in a way. How anxious he must've felt seeing his condition worsen over time; Taking more and more of him until it's all he was. His one defining feature.

"I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead - We're already dead"

We're already dead.

"Anyway, staying around this town, there's no more jobs, no more money, no more food. It's down right suicidal."

We're already dead.

"You can't have a creature like that around normal folk, that's what I'm saying."

I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead.

"People may not remember what we say here tonight, but they sure as shit gonna remember what we do. Thanks to the good sheriff here...We ain't gonna go hungry tonight. Matter of fact, we ain't never gonna starve again."

[parasiticstars]

To Teach an Old Dog: #1

re re re re re re uploaded bc tumblr keeps fucking it up

TW: BBU/pet whump, casual mentions of dehumanization, institutionalized slavery, and suicide idealization, and me being very pretentious

Kavan’s back hurts. Of the numerous things wrong with his situation, this is what he decided to focus on in an attempt to stave off the impeding sensory overload— and this is the only familiar, non-Pet-fuckery problem he has.

The bit was fastened too tight and digs in the corners of his mouth. He can feel drool starting to crust his beard. He’s disused to the shoddy buzzcut his masters captors gave him in an attempt to make him presentable before auction; he'll certainly never take the feeling of hair on his ears for granted again. The ear tag is pulling on already mutilated earlobes, adding to a budding headache just behind his eyes. The concrete floors look and feel like they haven’t been cleaned ever. The auctioneer’s voice is solidly the fourth most irritating sound he’s ever heard in his life.

Alas, nothing Kavan attempts to focus on staves off the visceral, skin-crawling feeling of too much. No matter how many times the man gets shuttled in and out of auctions and captors like a head of livestock, he’ll never truly get used to the non-personhood, the sheer objectification of it all. Nor will he get used to an audience leering and inspecting him and the other Pets people around him like the products they’re advertised and sold as.

Nobody seems to be interested in him, thank god. Kavan’s getting too old for most people’s tastes— even as a labor Pet, being above thirty is automatically considered a liability, as if he’d crumple into dust the second he set foot onto a construction site or a plantation or wherever the hell else. Has he felt close to it? Definitely. But that didn’t mean he would; even though some places, water and breaks weren’t a given.

(Why would they be? Employers and contractors who use Pets rather than workers don’t need to abide by silly things such as OSHA and basic human decency.)

But regardless.

With the slowly increasing amount of times he’s talked about like his expiry date has run out, Kavan wonders when he’s going to just be taken out behind the shed.

He wonders if he’ll do it himself one of these days.

A prod to the small of his back forces him to straighten, making him nearly drop his sign in the process. His attention snaps back to the crowd, all crammed together in this dingy-ass building in those dingy-ass folding chairs betting on dingy-ass people.

Long had Kavan lost the naïvety that Pet owners were this special type of evil, so impossibly cruel and uncaring that they simply couldn’t be human. Regardless, the fact that everyone here is so unassuming still screws with him. He could hypothetically see any one of them, say, at a Starbucks bitching at the barista about their overpriced order, or shopping at Trader Joe’s, or working in their cubicle, or at a PTA meeting. That in particular jars him.

Nobody around them would know that said person was willingly participating in legalized slavery, lacking even the flimsy pretense of “rescuing” their aunt’s-grandma’s-brother’s-husband’s-neighbor’s-girlfriend’s-niece’s Pet or whatever else they’d want to virtue signal on their Facebook wall or status or whatever else.

(Are Facebook statuses still a thing? God, Kavan’s been out of the loop too long. He doesn’t even know how long.)

One woman in particular has set sights on him. Judging by the fine cut yet plain color of her coat, the disgusted-holier-than-thou glances she’d occasionally give whoever she was seated near whenever they did anything particular crude, the brand name Ceilos, she’s probably fuck-off rich trying not to look fuck-off rich. What would someone like her want at a low scale labor pet auction like this? Why is she eyeing him in particular? Why are her irises barely darker than #FFFFF?

Catastrophizing is, it seems, a very time consuming activity. It muffles the rest of the auction, the auctioneer’s droning that would soon settle the man’s fate, the assistant taking away the sign Kavan was holding and tugging at the rope attached to his collar.

He stumbles as he’s led off the platform and into the pen for inspection. Through the buzzing of his ears, the sound of heels clicking follows.

[deadchaoticcosmos]

Starchasersunseeker jegulus micro-fic

Nobody noticed. Well to be fair they weren't acting much differently. They were just happier than ever. Also more clingy. Whenever one of them entered the room they would automatically just seek eachother out. To touch, to talk or just looking. To everyone else it didnt look romantic in any way, shape or form. To everyone else people thought they were insulting eachother ( they were all to far to hear what was actually said) and were just 'accidently' bumping into eachother, all the time. They are on cloud 9 or how ever the muggle saying went. When James proposed it was one of the best days of his life. It was magical, more than any wand or spell could produce. He knows they are still in school but that doesn't matter, so they decided to elope. It was perfect. It would have been nice if their friends were there but it was even more special this way.

They did it on the weekend, spesificky saturday so they could just be alone together on sunday.

They wore their rings on necklesses around their necks so no one would know but them.

They didnt really plan on not telling anyone, it just kinda happened. Well they kind of did but that is besides the point. They didnt want anyone giving them their opinions, also sirius may not have known they were together in the first place. No one new. Only his friends know they are together. Oh shit, they are going to hex him for not inviting or telling them. It will be worth it, and james would never let them hurt him. It is kinda funny that they don't know they are married. They still think they are just dating. He wonders how long it will take for them to figure it out. They say they are all so smart, this will but it to the test.

He was trying to study in the libary. Keyword being trying. His friends were all here with him. They said they just wanted to study with him and that they would be quiet, obviously they weren't. Why did he let them come. He guesses he was just distracted because of the amount of homework he had recieved today. Honestly why cant teachers just let him have little amounts of work so he can spend his evenings with his husband instead of being in the libary for most of it and only being able to see him for a little while.

His so called friends were making that little amount of time to see him even shorter by distracting him. Barty and Evan were fighting about something, they were on the edge of getting us all kicked out of the libary. Dorcas was having some sort of girl issues and complaing rather loud about it. Apperently she has a crush on one of james's friends but doesnt know if she likes her back and is to scared to find out.

And pandora is pandora. Keeps asking him questions about things and his input on others. Eventrually she stopped that to help dorcas out. Both of these 'convasations' seemed endless.

When he was about to just give up and pack it all up and just leave it for tommorow, he heard them. The gryiffendors. Which included his love and his idiotic brother. Also dorcas's crush and the rest of them.

They were all whispering furiously. It seemed like all these whispers were directed at james. James looked about ready to breakdown. No one makes james cry.

He stopped packing his stuff away and got up. He thinks he supprised his friends because they all shut up and stilled. Finally that stupid argument and dating talk stoped. He knows he will probally hear more of that fight later in the dorms but not the dating or crush talk, ugh whatever it was maybe never or atleast until tommorow. They looked up confused until they spotted the gryiffendors. They seemed to understand and let him leave without a word, getting back to what they were originally doing. Out if the corner of his eye he saw dorcas blush.

By the time he got up, they had already found a table and sat down. They were a couple of rows ahead of them but still far enough in the back that no one else was there to see or hear them. Well except for his group. They didnt see him coming up to them. They had stopped whispering now and were just talking a bit lower than normal, all still furious, all still directed at james.

By now he can hear what they are saying clearly.' James just tell us, you're are friend you tell us everything!' Peter whispered. He guesses he was the only one trying to keep their conversation quiet. 'James I can't believe you right now, you're acting like a child, god you are so immature,' one of the girls said. He can't tell who but they sound annoyed. They are all speaking at once he can barely make out what the others are saying. James looks so miserable. He can see that his eyes are watering up.

He moves around the bookshelves fully. He is overflowing with anger, he's furious with all of them. James is their friend, best friend for some of them and they're treating him like this?! Whatever James did, doesn't deserve this reaction.

James doesn't see him. Regulus guesses he is in his own world just taking in what they are saying to him and trying not to cry. He hates crying infront of people. No one sees Regulus, good.

Once he reaches the table he slams his hands down onto it. That got everyone's attention, James looks up a little dazed and manages a little smile when he spots him. No one is talking, all focused on Regulus. They are all probably wondering why he's here,confused about why he's here and why he looks so furious. Confusion over taking their anger. Some of them look a little scared. Regulus wonders briefly how he looks, after all that's probably what's scaring them.

'How fucking dare you speak to him this way, treat him this way. Whatever he has done definitely does not deserve this reaction. What gives you all the right to do this to my husband?!' His voice is low and threatening.

The girl's mouths are practically on the floor. The guys look shocked and sirius looks like he is malfunctioning, short-ciruiting.

Why do they look like this? What had he said, he should just hex them all and leave with.....

Oh, oh fuck. He called James his husband. That's why they all look like this. He chances a look at James to see his reaction. Of course he has the happiest, doppiest, lopsided grin ever. Tears forgotten, what they were saying to him forgotten. All because he slipped up and outed them, their entire relationship to all of his gryiffendor friends. Oh and his brother of all people.

It seems remus is the first to snap out of whatever transe they were all in and mummers 'what?'

James , after hearing that, leaps out of his seat so suddenly that he snaps everyone out of the transe, even sirius, and runs over to regulus in two quick strides. Before he knows it james is hugging him and lifting him to spin him around. Than he's kissing regulus like his life depends on it, like no one's watching, like regulus is the only thing in the world, the only thing that matters.

'Ewww! Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck!? Ewewewewewewewewewew!' Sirius scretched. He was so loud that barty,evan,dorcas and panda came over to see what happened.

After awhile regulus and James broke apart.

Now instead of whatever the gryiffendors were mad at before they all started yelling for an explanation. Regulus and James ignored them, they were now in their own world again like what happens everytime they're together, and both unclasp their necklaces and slip on their wedding rings. Now that they revealed not only are they dating to regulus's friends but are also married, they also join in on the furiously demanding answers.

But James and regulus could care less because they no longer had to hid it, they could now show their love for eachother for eternity without holding back.

Later own they both had hell to pay with their friends for not telling them nor inviting them.

Barty was especially mad because he really wanted to be their flower girl.

Originally it was flower boy but I like this better

My first starchasersunseeker jegulus micro-fic that didn't stay in my head but I actually wrote down

My 2 written micro-fic

Inspired/based off of one of @ducky-sav posts I saw months ago

[shadowqueenjude]

Lucien finally loses his shit and does something batshit crazy part 4

“When he spoke again, there was nothing but Autumn Court fire in his voice.”

Lucien has approached Nesta about the mating bond that has her so worked up!

Nesta’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “I am not mated to that brute.” She spat the word brute like a curse.

Lucien sighed. “Why would I make this up?” He dared a step closer. She didn’t step away, holding his gaze. It felt like her stormy blue eyes were branding him with the look that glittered in them. “Search deep within yourself. It’s how you knew he was about to die at the hands of the Cauldron. It’s how he knew you were in mortal peril at the library. You can feel the thread, deep in your gut. It may not be strong, but it’s there. Lingering. Close your eyes. Concentrate. Then you’ll feel it.

To his surprise, Nesta obeyed with little hesitation. “I see what you mean,” she said quietly. “It’s… like a little tingly. The sensation. It’s faint, but it’s there, glowing just slightly.”

Lucien’s eyes narrowed on Nesta. The magic eye was able to register the thread, thin and feeble as it was. Lucien sent a silent thanks to Nuan, his incredible tinkerer friend who had created this masterpiece for him. “I can see it too.”

Nesta’s brows flew up. “Wow, that magic eye must be really special, huh?”

“Yeah,” Lucien grinned.

“What did you mean when you said you could resolve the mating bond? I thought nothing could break it.”

“No one has succeeded yet,” Lucien corrected her. “But based off of the nature of the bond, someone very powerful with the correct gifts could technically do so.”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “You have fire in your blood.” Not an insult, but a question.

Lucien’s grin turned wider. “That’s not all that runs through these veins.” The power he had only revealed once, and as far as he knew, no one had ever suspected of being anything other than chance.

Nesta looked him over. A frank, cool assessment. “And what makes you think I want to break the bond?”

Lucien snorted. “Please. You’re living in the slums when you could be living as royalty. You didn’t show up for any of the holidays. I already know from your sister that you despise the Fae. All of this together shows me you hate being here as much as I do.”

Nesta blinked. Not in surprise, but to buy herself time. “I see why they call you the fox.”

Lucien smirked. “Who told you that?”

Nesta shrugged, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “Does it matter?”

“I suppose not.” Lucien idly began braiding a few strands of his hair.

Nesta crossed her arms. Then said, “Cassian tried to give me a gift.”

Lucien stilled his hands, waiting.

“I told him I didn’t want it, that I didn’t want anything of his.” Nesta took a deep breath. “He was furious. He threw his gift into a river. Then he followed me all the way to my house. Insufferable man.”

Lucien scowled. “Bastard. I see where the Illyrians get their terrible reputation.”

A small smile from Nesta at that. “The worst part though, was that I couldn’t feel anything. Until now, I thought I had lost the ability to be normal.” A look at him, grateful this time. “Thank you.”

Lucien blushed. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You listened,” Nesta said simply. “Nobody else bothered.”

She offered a hand. He took it. “Trying to break the mating bond- it won’t hurt me? Or Cassian?”

Lucien shook his head. “It’s not a part of you. Think of it like a bridge between souls. A connection. You lived your whole life without such a connection. You will be able to do so once it’s broken.”

Nesta nodded, closing her eyes. “Then, try it. Do your worst.”

Lucien concentrated. He had been tunneling deep into his power for the past several days, rallying enough power to try and break the bond. He now poured all of his magic into that one thread that connected two souls together. He had already warded the Night Court palace where he was sure Cassian would be for an extended period of time, so he wouldn’t detect anything amiss. And since Nesta hadn’t accepted the bond, there were countless explanations for what happened besides him.

At last, he reached the bottom of the thread. The absolute base of the mating bond, the essence of what it was.

And he found out what the mating bond truly was.

The Mother smiles upon her loving descendants. When she is in a loving mood, when her home is bathed in beautiful colors fit for spring, she sees fit to create bridges. Only her bridges aren’t made of anything found on this land, but rather, the unconscious needs that simmer in the abyss of our minds, things we never knew we wanted or needed because it’s something we dare not voice even in our own heads for fear that someone may hear and snatch away our dreams. These thoughts are blended with the threads of destiny. All who are Fae are born have a mate, but only those with great destinies are fortunate enough to meet their mate. Most faerie mates are born in an entirely different era, never knowing that their mate had not been born yet, and had they lasted another 200 years, they may have lived long enough to meet them. Then at last, these threads are woven into the tapestry of desire, for even the most perfect people for each other cannot last without the chemistry that sparks romance. Because a mating bond consists of these three different kind of threads, it is exceptionally rare to meet your mate, have that mate be somebody who actually wants to be with you in every possible way, and have the relationship last forever. After all, a mating bond is not a true mating bond until it has been consummated.

And then the Mother spoke to him.

You dare try to hand back my gift?

The voice was soft and hard, hot and cold, soothing and harsh, beautiful and terrible, all at once.

Lucien managed not to shudder in fear of the voice that spoke in his mind. Steeled himself. When he spoke again, there was nothing but Autumn Court fire in his voice.

A gift she did not ask for and does not want, with a male who will never deserve her.

Impudent male. You dare speak back to me?

I’m not known to fear any man or beast in this world.

I am not of this world, child. I am this world.

See, you say that, but to me you just sound like a typical arrogant superbeing who’s used to getting what they want.

A musical laugh. I’ve never encountered a creation with quite so much impertinence and bravery as you.

Happy to be of service.

He could’ve sworn there was a smile in her voice as she spoke again. For simply daring to speak to me like that, I shall not eviscerate you.

Gee, thanks.

Quiet, child. I have a great destiny lined up for you, and it would be a shame to ruin it now. You wish to break the thief’s mating bond? I suppose it is fair enough. She takes my powers, and I take her mating bond back in exchange.

That’s settled, then. I also want to break Feyre’s mating bond.

Ah, Feyre Cursebreaker. The girl with two mates.

Lucien’s heart stopped. T-two mates??

Surely, you knew the truth, my lovely fox. I gifted you with brains that none can rival. Feyre is indeed Cauldron-Blessed. She not only has two mates, but they’re both High Lords. Rhysand and Tamlin. Didn’t you know? Why else were you so certain Tamlin would seek out Feyre on Calanmai? Did he not bite her on her neck, claiming her as his own in a way only mates do?

But-

Feyre has two distinct sides to her. The person she was as a human, and the person she became after she let too much darkness infect her heart. No light exists without darkness- but Feyre’s has been twisted and convoluted into the kind of darkness that can only be described as wretched. She has lost her sense of right and wrong. She can never picture herself or her husband as wrong in any situation. My creation has been led too far astray. So perhaps I ought to listen to you and break the bond.

Lucien sighed with relief. This was going pretty easy. Too easily if he was being honest. Honesty wasn’t helping him in this situation, however.

But understand, Lucien Spell-Cleaver. Should you have me do this, you will owe me a debt. For every choice you make, there is a cost. Always.

Lucien did not like the sound of that. But he said, I shall pay that price when the time comes.

I know you will, my darling fox. But will you be prepared when payday arrives?

@readingwritingwatching

[xerith-42]

MCD Season 2 Garrance Headcanons because I am experiencing literal brain rot

-Laurance doesn't want anyone to notice or worry about him as usual, so he keeps it to himself how much he misses Garroth. Everyone misses Garroth, why does he have to be special? Well, Laurance, not everyone else wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and falls back into bed in a fit of tears because he isn't there to comfort them. Just an idea.

-Garroth got really good at noticing when Laurance wasn't sleeping well and forcing him to get extra rest if he needs it. Nobody pays as much attention to Laurance or his physical health. Nobody realizes how little he's sleeping until it's staring them in the face.

-That's not entirely true. Travis notices. Travis can tell from the moment he meets Laurance that the poor boy is carrying so much and as far as he can tell, nobody cares. Everyone is so preoccupied with whatever adventure is going on that nobody's slowed down to check in on Laurance. Normally Garroth would do that.

-And even when Travis tries to get past his walls, Laurance has only regressed. The man he trusted with his life is trapped in another dimension after thinking he didn't care about him, and the calling only gets louder every day. How can Laurance open his heart again when all it seems to do is put the people he cares about in direct danger? He tries not to be aggressive, but he's not very good at that. He's so angry at Garroth but also misses him bitterly and nothing makes any sense to him.

-Garroth thinks of Laurance while fighting Zane. Whenever Aphmau comes to visit he asks her about him, how he's doing, and he's increasingly frustrated when Aphmau is vague with her answers. He can't tell if it's because she doesn't want Garroth to worry, or worse, she doesn't actually check on Laurance like he needs.

-When Garroth comes back he has exactly three thoughts on his mind. "Thank Irene I'm alive. Thank Irene Aphmau is alive. Where is Laurance?" When Laurance isn't there, he's filled with a similar emptiness that Laurance experienced. He's never felt so cold. As if it's wrong not to hold Laurance in this moment.

-When Garroth realizes pretty quickly that Aphmau has suddenly moved on, he wants more than ever to have Laurance back to him. To have someone who's already gone through this be there to help console his broken heart. More than anything he just needs to see Laurance's face. To know he's alive.

-Like hold on I can't even gloss over this, Garroth comes back and it is another ten fucking episodes before Laurance shows up. All that time Garroth spent knowing that Laurance was at least alive, but he was suffering. His own brother barely stuck around because he was so worried about how unstable Laurance was. Even if he learned about the time rules of the Irene Dimension, it's still been like 15 and a half minutes for Garroth and suddenly everything is somehow even worse than when he fucked it all up.

-Aphmau is grieving a man who died for Garroth, Laurance is gone, Phoenix Drop is barely what it was before, his friends have been having lives without him, and all of this is Garroth's fault. If he hadn't been so foolish as to fall for Zane's deception, none of this would have happened. He tells himself this a lot. Some part of his mind can hear a fabrication of Laurance's voice trying to tell him that's not true, but it doesn't do a lot to console him.

-AND THE FIRST TIME HE SEES LAURANCE HE NEARLY HAS TO KILL HIM!! I'M SO SORRY BUT I CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS! I just know Garroth was shaking when he saw Laurance because every part of his body is fighting him. This relic he hasn't gained control of just activated and is fully trying to protect Aphmau, ready to slay any enemy in his way. But when Garroth looks forward he wants to let out a sigh of relief and get to hug his best friend. He can't hurt him. But he also has to. It's so awful like I'm actually so mad about this scene and the fact that it seems to barely matter in the long term.

-And for Laurance?? He disappeared right as Aaron died, he knew what happened when he heard the explosion. Everyone was looking for the divine fragment, and he knew what the breaking of realm barriers sounded like. He knew it so well he couldn't even fight his shadow knight form. And just as he's about to reach the crater, he can hear Aphmau scream. Laurance knows he won't be able to hold back, so he has to run from her.

-When he sees Garroth again while trying to kill "Zane", there's a similar split in his mind. The calling is stronger than most of his emotions, he needs to feed it in order to silence it. But then Garroth is there. His best friend. One of the people Laurance cares about most. Then he's grateful the calling latched onto Aphmau. If he hadn't been her guard, it would have been Garroth. He's never felt more bittersweet seeing Garroth's big boy serious face stare him down.

-When things finally calm down, when they finally get a moment alone, Laurance is completely silent. His once endless musings about all the things he finds beautiful are gone. He just sits there in silence glaring at Garroth. He doesn't know if he can trust himself to open up again. What if the calling took over and he couldn't fight it? No reason to make Garroth attached to him and unable to take him down in an emergency.

-Garroth really honest to Irene wants to help Laurance so much but he doesn't fucking know what to do. He feels completely lost on how to get through to his old friend, and even if he asks the same questions once eagerly answered by Laurance, all he gets is silence. He hates how quiet Laurance is.

-The day that Laurance leaves is the first time Garroth has cried since he thought Laurance betrayed him. He's so good at keeping it together that even after the time travel, having his life threatened, learning what's become of this world and his family, learning that Aphmau moved on, he never cried. When Laurance leaves without saying it back, or even so much as a goodbye, Garroth finally breaks, sobbing as he clutches Laurance's scarf to his chest, weeping as his body curls in at the memory of Laurance's arms wrapped around him. Now it is Garroth's turn to mourn.

[angy-grrr]

Why does Hori always choose the complicated way out 😭 like, Iz/och already had a good history together in the timeline of the skip, so idk why he thought it would make sense for them to be so weirdly distant.

And if he worried over Toga, he could have just made Uraraka think about her fondly, and being happy that she was able to achieve something for her, and Izuku being glad that he is a part of it and that she is doing well since what happened years ago.

It was a perfect and chill set up but idk what went down.

you know what went down? That nobody gave a single fuck about the plain ship for years and most of their interactions are vague or just straight up friendly. I wouldn’t call what they had a “good” history, but it was the least worse kind of way to do it -just make them date, don’t focus too much on being dramatic or whatever as it doesn’t fit the characters and their dynamic like at all. It’s a plain ship, we can’t act like they are star crossed lovers when there’s absolutely nothing crossing them apart lol so if it was so important to make them kinda a thing, then making it chill was the best option. This level of drama and repression makes no sense when they are boy and girl on the same side same ideology same ideals supported by everyone and have nothing against each other, and it’s not even like she was feeling guilty over Himiko -she JUST started having those dreams when HE got the suit, which makes everything feel even more off:

1 it implies they don’t talk/see each other anymore. If she just starts thinking about talking more to him and getting even dreams about those “desires” in such a short time, it means they didn’t try to keep in contact really. Terrible setup for a dramatic confession/canonization when nothing separates them besides them not trying to be together.

2 It implies Himiko’s ghost is exclusively there for Ochako’s feelings. While this could be interesting to explore, it feels tone deaf when she only appears in relation to him to push Ochako towards him -as if she would never actually agree or try it if she was completely alone. Makes her look like an incomplete character -she needs Izuku and Himiko to work in the story, she isn’t allowed to just present herself and be strong enough as a character to be interesting for the readers. 3 Himiko’s love is supposed to be equivalent to Ochako’s love for Deku, which is insulting to a queer narrative considering how different they actually are -she isn’t even weird about him, she’s supported by everyone, everyone actually sees that “love” from the start and want her to get together with him, or at least are okay with it, and one of the most important ones, Deku doesn’t reject her nor judge her. I say this bc back when Himiko confessed, Deku was against an idea of love that related to some form of violent act, and Ochako showed us how she accepted it even if she didn’t try to attack. In the end, the love was mutual as Himiko got hurt by Ochako’s love -even if she didn’t do anything actively, as she reached her heart Toga realized she wants her to live more than anything else-, and at the same time expressed that form of love ppl like Deku and Ochako would understand (sacrifice; this act mixed their forms of love in one, having the heroic aspect of Ochako’s and the grotesque aspect of Himiko’s). This is really interesting, especially bc Deku and Katsuki also experienced this -he got hurt bc Deku showed how close he was to his heart-, but instead of exploring any of that… we are supposed to see it as “deku and ochako have the same type of love, they are the good ones, he wouldn’t reject her”, but still they haven’t talked about any of that either. It’s not an “I realized you and I feel the same way about love”, and still, narratively speaking we get no references to his idea of love in relation to Ochako (he says he could never hurt someone he loved, but we never see him in the manga giving her more of a special attention or protectiveness/possessiveness; the “most” is honestly pretty vague, and doesn’t work to come across as “that’s the love of his life and he doesn’t even know it”). They are way too similar, so we can’t really understand why exactly would we be happy about them not talking for years (losing the little nice foundation they had: friends to lovers, which sure, can be tricky, but hey at least it was something) and just now deku realizing she’s super special. I’m sorry, while it could be cute to have him just noticing his feelings and whatever, it doesn’t work bc THEY HAVENT TALKED TO EACH OTHER IN 8 YEARS AND A MONTH AND THEY WERE PERFECTLY FINE WITH IT. They just aren’t friends anymore. you can’t as an author tell us destiny brings them together and they must unite when they didn’t really bothered or payed attention to losing the other -Ochako was just “yearning” once they started working together, she was doing fine before! And deku cared even less! How could we believe they love each other so much when the lose of the other means so little it doesn’t even comes across their mind? I’m not saying making them miserable is good writing, but c’mon, they had a casual nice friendship according to 431 and then just lost contact, and NOW they are supposed to inevitably be together once again? Why would we believe that? The worse part? He knows how to write compelling romance, he did it for La Brava and Gentle Criminal, and he did it with Himiko and Ochako. He KNOWS. that’s why I say he just didn’t care lol

Also, I have seen someone saying “oh but it’s just like what happened with La Brava and Gentle, that the absence of the other just made the love grow stronger”, but that’s just not what happened here: I repeat, THEY DIDNT CARE ABOUT NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER 90% of the separation, and DEKU JUST STARTED NOW BC MULTIPLE PPL TALKED ABOUT SIMILAR THINGS AND HE WAS LOOKING FOR A NEW THING TO FOCUS ON. NO LOVE GREW THESE YEARS, IN FACT THE ONLY ONE WHO STARTED FEELING STUFF MORE AND MORE WAS OCHAKO JUST THE PAST MONTH. AND HE DIDNT GROW ANY LOVE OF ATTENTION TOWARDS HER. LIKE AT ALL. NOT EVEN AS A FRIEND. HE DOESNT EVEN TRY TO TALK TO IIDA. WHO IS THIS MAN. WHO WROTE THIS.

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #28: Lovesick

Masterlist

content: immortal whumpee, captivity, starvation, force to eat

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

If Heather ever bothered to ask, Jackie would have told her that the boredom was the worst part. That was not to say the loneliness or the hunger were bearable. Still, if he wasn't bored, then he wouldn't have been as lonely. Or would isolation drive away all his happiness? Could anything occupy his attention in the heavy silence? If he wasn’t lonely, he wouldn’t have been bored. Or maybe he’d still get sick of his life confined in that one room, that one tiny box. If he wasn't hungry, starving to the point of restlessness, he could have slept his life away. But he would have to wake up eventually, and it was always awful to be torn away from his dreams again. 

Locked down there, his dreams only served to taunt him. He dreamt of all the things he wanted. Going back home, going back to his apartment. Food. So much food, whole feasts of it. Mountains of bread, valleys of fruit, every dessert his subconscious could think of. He dreamt of everything and everyone he missed. His neighbours. His coworkers. His sisters, though he couldn’t quite remember their faces. Heather, the only person he’d spoken to for weeks on end. The sunshine, the grass, the summer sky and the clear treble of birdsongs. He had nightmares, sometimes, but he was used to them.

It was... it would be redundant to tell her how it felt. He would have done anything to get Heather back. It became increasingly clear to Jackie that Heather was the only person who had ever cared about him. She hadn't been the nicest, but she really did care about his happiness. Hadn’t she said so when they first met? She bought him a bed and new clothes and even a book, brought him food and painkillers when he needed it. He missed all her tics, all her charms, the freckles near her eyes, the pitch of her voice. Just to hear another voice, just to see another person. Desperation made all things sweet.

He thought he would never get out. The basement would be his tomb. The locked door, his god, his only companion. He would often sit near the door, on the stairs, just to feel closer to other people. Velveteen rabbits and broken dolls, they knew what a horror it was to be alone. There was only time, and there was only memory. But how long would that last? He was already starting to forget Heather’s face, already losing the sound of her voice. She appeared as a dark figure in his dreams, standing, never speaking, never moving. A shadow at his shoulder. A marble statue. A paper cutout, a silhouette. 

If Heather ever asked him what isolation was like, he would not be able to answer. It wasn't loneliness, melancholy and gentle, all those fragile things that kept people lonely, but not alone. He was alone. Alone, completely alone, stranded in negative space. There was nothing else, nobody else. 

He was terrified of it, of the empty walls, like children were afraid of the dark. It was a savage thing to feel, something feral and inconsolable. Infants couldn’t survive without human contact. Babies born of neglect lost their ability to speak, to walk, then ceased to function at all. Monkeys clung to wire mothers and cloth effigies. What was it about other people? Other living things? What made them so special? These were just abstract punishments and physical barriers. Maybe he was better off without anyone to hurt him, but that wasn’t much of a comfort. Logic and sensibility could rot, for all he cared. He ached for skin and the pressure of touch, hungered for it. Sometimes, he thought he’d prefer being cut open. At least the pain would be felt quickly, then. Things would return to normal, once he healed. At least he wouldn’t be alone.

But his punishment was over now. Heather had decided, on another abstract whim, to let him out. When Jackie woke up, he didn’t know where he was. But he wasn’t in the basement. That, in and of itself, was an immense consolation.

There was a heavy weight on him. There was… a blanket on him. Not his own blanket, but a new one, something knitted and gray. In his chest, where the scalpel had gouged his heart, there was a steady ache of pain.

He tried to open his eyes, but the light was too bright to see through. It sent a sharp force reeling through his head. He became aware of his body, lying down on something soft but rigid-backed. Jackie tried to sit up, but he couldn’t move if the room went up in flames. He became aware of a hand on his head, soothing him back down.

“Shh,” came the voice, though he hadn’t said anything. “Don’t move.”

He didn’t want to stay still. He didn’t want to sleep. In isolation, he fully resigned himself to dreaming his life away, but now he was out. He was free from that locked door. There were better things to do. Sunnier prospects to dwell on. He had received his fair share of silence already, his pound of flesh. The quiet filled him like concrete. He was fully sick of it. That was too much to say, though. It was easier to lie back down.

Nausea came over him, steady as the tides—waves, ebbing and flowing, against the back of his throat and behind his eyes, threatening to make him retch and heave. It was a bit like being carsick, he thought. Where was he? This felt too much like a childhood memory, waking up in those muffled and unfamiliar places. But he wasn’t alone, which was all that mattered. The pressure of skin, the weight of another body. The only answers he needed.

“Can you hear me?”

He would have spoken, but his lips would not move. He instead gave her a small nod.

“Wake up.” She shook his shoulder. “Open your eyes, Jackie.”

He tried, but the light shone in his eyes, so he had to screw and squint against it. He blinked a few times, trying to make out the shapes of things around him.

“Hello,” said Heather. Her features were still blurry, indistinct. “How are you feeling?”

It was crucial that he replied. He opened his mouth… the words failed him, now. How was he feeling? Maybe God knew, but Jackie sure didn’t. Such things sunk to the bottom of his thoughts like rocks in water.

“Feeling better?”

He nodded again, or made an attempt to.

“Good. You look awful, you know. You must be starving. I brought you food.”

A bowl of something hot. Porridge. Thick porridge, nearly the consistency of cake. So hot that it was steaming, white wisps curling above it. In front of the sofa, on the coffee table. He was on a sofa, Jackie realized, in her living room.

She pushed the table towards him. He'd been so hungry, locked down there. Eventually, he started eating pages out of Oliver Twist, though they never silenced his pangs. A mortal could only starve for a few months—how long had he been alone? Long enough that his body had gotten the message, and stopped asking for food at all.

And there lay the problem. He had no appetite. His hunger faded near the end. He barely thought of eating anymore. But what did that matter? Food was a point of contention between them, and he had no desire to incur her wrath again. Better to just swallow and get along with her and keep safe—better to roll over and keep quiet, just to win her affection.

With an uneasy hand, he took the spoon. It had been so long that he almost didn't know how to. The position of the metal felt unfamiliar in his palm. Heather watched him carefully. Would he be graded on this? Oh, ha ha. But this was indeed a test, to see how far his compliance went.

The porridge was hot enough to sear his tongue. He tried to swallow, which triggered a fit of gagging.

"What’s wrong?" 

She sounded so sweet and patient, which he knew was a bad sign. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize."

Comments on Winston Churchill came to mind, but he said nothing back. He tried to swallow again—it was like trying to eat glass, or metal, because his body was adamant about not letting anything in. His gagging was accompanied by spurts of painful, hoarse coughing.

And there lay an even worse problem, another layer to the nesting doll of his terrible, terrible life. He physically could not eat. His biology, his perfect system of flesh and blood, had forgotten how. Not so perfect, then. Enough to keep him alive, but incapable of much else. It was hopeless to try. 

"Jackie."

It was a warning. He knew that, of course he knew. He looked up at her helplessly. 

"Eat."

His voice was cracked, small. "I can't."

"Yes, you can."

He tried to swallow, once more. Tears pricked the edges of his eyes and the tips of his lashes. Revulsion shuddered through his body, and he was afraid of throwing up. That would be bad. If he was in trouble now, he'd be in the maw of hell then.

"Are you going to refuse to eat again?"

He shook his head, trying to keep his stare down at the spoon. "I'm trying."

"You’re not trying hard enough."

There was no way out of this, then. The trap had already snapped shut. This was the consequence of his pride, the consequence of his anger. Why had he ever hoped for escape? Where had that gotten him? Behind the locked door of the basement, left alone to rot and starve and pray for death. This was Heather’s retaliation, the price for hurting her. An eye for an eye. 

"I told you to eat."

He didn't do anything at all. Better to stay still and get it over with. It would be over soon, if he just kept his eyes down and let her do what she wanted. It would all be over soon. He would be okay.

"That was an order."

He winced. But he didn’t do anything, because what could he do?

“Are you hungry, Jackie?”

He shook his head.

She took the bowl from the table, held it above him like a battle-axe, like a sword, like a guillotine glinting in the harsh sunlight. The curtains were drawn, and the room was dim, but she looked so bright then.

"It’s okay,” she said. “But I can't let this go to waste, can I?"

She slammed the bowl down. It smashed into his shoulder, sending pain cracking white-hot down his arm. The scalding porridge splattered, pouring over his clothes and his thin limbs, leeching onto him. He gasped.

It seared like liquid metal, like a branding iron on his lap and chest, pressing a deep and hazy burn into his skin. He tried to pull away, but Heather pinned his shoulders down. The cold fervour of spite lay heavy in her fixed, unflinching gaze. She didn't hesitate. He could only stare back into her eyes and cry.

So this was his penance, the cost of biting the hand that fed. He could not turn away, and he could not hide. He could not fight, not anymore. He could not make her stop. He was like a child again, pathetic and helpless and small. He couldn’t speak. He was stuck, paralyzed. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t move, but he felt it all in such excruciating detail, taking it all in like a prophet’s hallowed words. 

“What did you expect?" she said.

He continued to sob, tearing his gaze away and curling into himself as tight as he could. His entire body hurt, not just the burns and the cuts, but a permeating ache throughout his flesh. Everything hurt.

Her hand lifted away. "Calm down. It's only porridge. You'll be fine."

Jackie barely heard her. Another sob racked him—he coughed, too, which made the pain flare up again.

Her hand came to his face. He flinched, tried to bury himself in fabric, but he couldn't avoid her touch. She tried to tilt his face towards her, but he held on and continued to cry harder. His shoulders shuddered, shook, and his chest went tight.

She let out a small noise of irritation. "Stop moving. You're getting your tears all over my sofa. And—" He heard the sound of shifting fabric as she gestured to the sofa. "You've gotten porridge all over it. Do you know how hard it is to clean porridge?"

He did not reply, only wept. She didn't say anything else. 

The seconds crawled on in silence, otherwise. 

It seemed like she'd gotten what she wanted, or she was bored, because after a while Jackie realized that Heather was gone. She had left, and he was alone again.

This set him into more of a panic than the burn ever could. "Heather?" He forced his hoarse voice to call out for her. "Heather? Come back. Please."

There was no response. Jackie hugged a pillow, which was conveniently placed near his chest, and tried not to cry too loudly. He would have found this whole affair embarrassing, once upon a time, but he was too tired to care. 

Faintly, he could hear the clock ticking on the mantle. The steady repetition comforted him. 

A minute or so passed. At some point, he could hear footsteps echo down the hall. After they stopped, he was startled by a hand on his shoulder. He whimpered.

"Jesus." She exhaled. "You're a grown man. Don't—just, shut up for a minute. Stop that."

He could not, in fact, stop that. He could not help the waterworks any more than he could help feeling pain. It was instinct, as impulsive as breathing. It was simply a reaction of his body, simply a biological response. It would be the end of him.

Heather pushed him over, so he was lying on his back and propped up by a sofa arm. He let her do this, because he didn't want her to leave again. From somewhere, she conjured up a tissue and dabbed at his face.

"Honestly, this is ridiculous." She dabbed at the corner of his eyes, wiped his cheeks. She was oddly gentle in going about it. "If I wanted to baby people around, I’d become a nurse. This is—this is preposterous. Shut up." He stopped his whimpering at once, and she continued talking, still cleaning him up. “You have such a low pain tolerance. I’ve seen little girls who cry less than you. Are you a man or a wet blanket? Hm? I asked you a question.”

She stopped her dabbing for a moment. Jackie stared at her with panic in his heart and a blank mind. What was he supposed to say? He’d barely been listening. All this crying had exhausted him.

“Never mind. God, you’re useless.” She conjured yet another tissue and began scraping off the porridge. “I would have just cut you open, if I knew you were going to be like this. Stop whining.” He swallowed his sobs again. She paused for a second before speaking. “I’m not cutting you open. I’m tired of hearing you mewl all day. That’s what you are. A sopping wet kitten. Like a baby cat. All… damp and stuff. Oh my God, what am I even doing?” 

She stopped cleaning to stare wearily at the rest of the house, a distracted frown in the corners of her mouth. The tissue hung limply from her hand. Jackie took this moment to roll back onto his side, hiding his face under the blanket again. 

“No. Get back up, I still have to feed you.” Reluctantly, he let her push the blanket off. “Sit up straight. You’ll choke if you lay down.”

He did as she asked. From the coffee table, she retrieved a bowl of soup. It was a vibrant red, probably made from tomatoes, purely liquid with nothing inside. It was not steaming and looked easier to eat than the porridge, but Jackie wasn’t taking any chances. He backed up, deeper into the sofa, and shook his head.

Either Heather didn’t see this, or she ignored it outright. In her other hand, there was a spoon. She settled onto the couch and positioned the bowl near him.

“Open your mouth,” she ordered.

He shook his head again. He wondered if it was possible to dissolve into the sofa.

Heather had no patience for all this dallying about. She grabbed his jaw, almost hard enough to bruise. “Open. It.”

He didn’t have such a strong will. Not anymore. He opened his mouth.

She let go, then took a spoonful of soup and placed it in there. “Close it.”

He did as she instructed.

“Don’t just sit there. Have you forgotten how to eat? Swallow!”

Quickly, he swallowed the soup. It went down okay, though he still didn’t want to have a meal. Yes, it was tomato. There was a slight aftertaste of basil. Below that, the metal taste of the spoon. The temperature was a comfortable lukewarm, not cold enough to be disgusting but not hot enough to burn. 

There was a slightly amused look on Heather’s face. Still mostly irritated, though. “Don’t bite down on the spoon. I need it back, you know.”

He opened his mouth again. This was a very degrading experience, even in his exhaustion, but at least she wasn’t hitting him. At least he wasn’t alone… oh, what he’d do for a little bit of company. He wanted her to keep talking. Just to hear another voice.

“Good.” She gave him another spoonful. He swallowed. Another spoonful. He swallowed that, too. This went on for a few minutes. Eventually, all that was left in the bowl was a thin layer of splatter-red, just the scarlet dregs. 

She set the spoon into the bowl, and the bowl onto the coffee table. Jackie never wanted to eat again. He felt awful. Even though the bowl was small, he was way too full. The taste of tomato lingered like radiation, thick and unwelcome. He wiped his mouth against his sleeve. 

“There you go. Don’t you feel better now?”

He nodded.

She regarded him distantly. They had not simply sat together and talked in so long. He missed her, truly and utterly, even if he only missed the kind side of her. But when she was kind, she wasn't hard to like, somehow able to hold his stuttering heart still. That’s what he thought, at least. That’s what he remembered. Was the basement ever so cheerful, or just better in comparison? His memories were a blur.

“Do you still love me?” she asked abruptly.

“Yes.”

“We barely even know each other. You’re just saying that to please me.” Her expression went dark, like a passing shadow. “It’s working. Say it again.”

“I love you, Heather.”

She smiled, a little sadly. “With that look on your face, I almost believe you.”

Maybe she was right, and he didn't really mean it. Attempting to label organic things was never simple, no matter what the biologists said. He would have told her anything if it could get him out of that basement. Of course. That damned basement, that dreaded room, that blasted concrete four-walled hell. Dante would choke if he ever saw it.

He had imagined, many times over, meeting Heather again. It was a good distraction. In the beginning, he wanted to tear into her throat and finish what he’d started, but as his isolation went on, his fantasies mostly consisted of begging for her forgiveness. And there was nothing more compelling than a confession. He would have done anything to leave. Shameful, to give in so easily, but shame was not an unfamiliar sensation. Better to wallow in shame than in agony.

For a moment, Heather tried to say something—but she gave up, and brushed the bangs out of his face instead. He breathed in, breathed out. The tightness in his chest was heavy enough to ache. She was wrong about one thing. He knew her very well. And she knew him. To touch someone’s beating pulse, to nearly kill them—could most lovers say the same? There was nothing as vital as the lungs. There was nothing deeper or more sacred than the heart.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl

@lthrboy

@whumpy-wyrms

@yassifiedinformation

@creppersfunpalooza

[jessjad]

Unexpected

Chapter 6

Summary: After a Halloweenparty Y/N actually didn't want to got to, her life seems to be turned around. The reason is a very stubborn Supe that seems to have her in his visier. Is it just a coincidance or more?

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

Word Count: 2943

Warnings: some language, sex mentioned, tense and dangerous situations, aaaand a cliffhanger...

A/N: So, work was like hell and the flu stayed longer then I hoped she would. But, what can you do. I hope you still like it. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy and let me know! :)

My Masterlist Series Masterlist

"This is not enough!" Victoria Newman laid her hand onto her forehead in frustration as she spoke on her phone outside her office. "Johnson, you promised me results and answers! Why can you and your men not find him, while random people see them walking around in New York?"

"We can not even be sure that it was really Soldier Boy and his... girlfriend...." The man on the other side of the phone answered but it only angered Newman more.

"There are pictures of both of them online! They came out of a privat club around 3 in the morning. TODAY!"

The silence that followed was meaningful.

"Johnson, you told me, that it was your speciality to track down people who are hard to find. And Soldier Boy IS hard to find. So, live up to your promise or else I have to find someone else to do it."

And without waiting for a response she hung up the phone. This was not going as she had hoped for. But nontheless, it was neccessary that she found the former american hero before anyone else. Especially before Homelander, or else they would all be in trouble. After all, he was the only one who had a chance against Homelander and when he got a hold of Soldier Boy first, nobody would know how this would play out.

"So, Victoria..."

Speaking of the devil, she thought, took a short breath in and turned around to face the blonde supe.

"Ashley told me that you are looking for Soldier Boy." John said and crossed his arms behind his back as he walked slowly towards Victoria.

"Of course I am." Victoria replied confident, not trying to show him that he still intimidated her. "I still work with the FBSA after all. We always try to find a rouge supe."

"Interessting. You had any succsses yet?"

He got closer and closer, but Victoria kept her ground. She even held her head up a little higher, but Homelander just grinned.

"Unfortunatly, no. It's like he vanished from earth."

"And how about his girlfriend? Do you know who she is by now?"

"We have her name, but everything else seems like it got deleted. There is no more information about her."

"Hmm... to bad." Homelander looked at the woman infront of him appraisingly, but she did not cower back.

"And what about Soldier Boy? What kind of information do you have on him?"

"What do you mean? All there is to know about him is in the files at Vought."

"Nooo, that's not what I meant." The look in his eyes gave her a shiver down her spine. "I mean information about his time in Russia... and what they did to him."

"I... " this was even more worse than Victoria thought it would be. "I don't know if there even are any files left..."

"Then you should start to look into that, don't you think?"

With another weird grin, Homelander started to walk away again. But he turned around one more time.

"Oh, and let me know what you'll find out about him. Don't think that, just because you made your daughter into a supe, that I can't hurt her."

Another week went by without any changes. The only change happend between Y/N and Ben. After their little dangerous and exciting fun in that club, he and Paul brought her home safe in the early morning hours. But it took not long after they arrieved at home that Ben wanted to do a second round. Y/N had already been asleep when she stirred up by a hot feeling between her legs, just to find the supe's head at her core, playing her like a violin.

And after that the mood had shifted. Ben was not so aggravated anymore and did not try to fight with Marvin again. However, both men kept a good distance to eachother, just to be sure. On M.M.'s face though, Y/N could see that he did not like the new developements that he got to witness.

Also, Ben did not hold back on touching her, or showing general PDA, whenever he could. Y/N felt a little uncomfortable at first, especially with the looks she got from the others. Annie in particular seemed to be very worried, but Y/N could asure her that it was not forced or anything in that matter. Not in the slightest. She actually enjoyed this change and liked all the attention Ben gave her. And the man was not restless. The marks on her body confirmed that.

She felt like she got closer to him, the more time they spend together. He still did not really talk to her about deep or important things, but there was not complete silence anymore. Althought four days ago she thought he would shut her out again. Over something stupid of course.

It was in the middle of the night. Ben had already gone to bed and seemed to sleep, when Y/N came in the bedroom too. She disappeared under the covers and tried to fall asleep too, but Ben's voice interrupted her.

"Took you long enough to come to bed, doll."

He started to use that pet name shortly after they started to sleep with eachother again. Y/N did not really like that old-ass word, but it was definitly better than 'broad' or 'gal'. So, she went with it.

"Annie and I were watching a couple of old movies and we forgot the time. It was really fun."

"Hm-mh." was Ben's only response.

After that Y/N thought that he wanted to sleep again, but she thought wrong. The supe shifted towards her and a few seconds later his hand started to roam her body. She had to grin to herself. Now she knew why he was still awake. It did not take long until they kissed and touched the other, but as soon as Ben had his hand in her panties on his way to her already wet folds he stopped.

When she looked up to him, Ben frowned down to her and it seemed like he was a little angry even.

"What's wrong?" she asked but wasn't sure if she really wanted to know it.

"What is this?" was all he said and now Y/N looked at him questioningly. "What the fuck did you do?"

Still not quite sure what he meant, Y/N needed a moment un til she realized what really bother him.

"I... I shaved... this morning."

"Why the fuck did you do that?" he grumpled and let go of her completely.

"I... because it was time. I needed to shave. You know? Like, all the important parts of my body." she explained and sat up in her bed.

"But when we fucked on Halloween you weren't shaved."

"Oh god..." Y/N hid her face in her hands before she answered again. "That was because I did not think that I would be having... sex... anytime soon."

"And when we fucked again in the club you also weren't shaved."

"I KNOW! But that was just because I did not think, that we would be... having sex again."

Ben did not seemed to be convinced and Y/N couldn't believe that he actually was angry about her being shaved.

"Are you really upset about this?"

"There was no fucking need for you to shave. I like your bush."

"Ben..." she closed her eyes. "Can you... not..." but he didn't stop.

"It's not like I'm kissing a Afghan Hound. It's just right."

"I can not believe we're really talking about this." Y/N said to herself and shook her head.

"Let it grow back."

"What? NO!" the woman protested.

"You have to. I don't wanna feel like I'm licking the cunt of Shirley Temple."

"But...Ben, listen... we... we need to find a compromise here."

And after a long discussion that felt more like bickering, they agreed and made up again. But inside Y/N was puzzled. This grumpy ol' man always found a way to surprise her.

It was on a thursday, when Mallory finally called. After the ruckus that happend in the shop it had been clear that the next outing of Soldier Boy and his girlfriend needed to be better planed out and executed more safely. Y/N did not fully understand the intention Grace had with this charade, but they were already so far into it, that there was no going back now.

They picked a place near the Hudson River in Poughkeepsie. It was far off from the hot spots of New York and noone would probably expect them to show up there. It was supposed to be a normal date night with dinner. The restaurant was already on observation and Malloy had stationed many men.

Annie's network of followers who believed her had been growing pretty strong and they depated if it would be better to get the crowd involved too. But at the end they decided against this idea. If Homelander or any other enemy of Ben would be able to get to them, it would just put all the civilians into danger. But still Mallory thought it would be good to let the people know that Ben is still out there and having a good time.

A day later it was time. While Ben was still in the bathroom, Y/N went out into the living room where M.M. controlled the tv. It looked like, he was searching for something specific.

"What are you looking for?" Y/N asked interessted.

"I just... wanted to show you something..." Marvin answered and after a moment he found what he was looking for. "This. Just wanted to see if you know this by now."

On the screen appeared Ben in some kind of red tinched set with a woman on his side. It was a music video. A caribbean melody started to play and Ben began to sing. At first she had to smlie because he sounded so weird with this fake semi-black accent, but that smile faded very quickly. The song was pure misogyny at its finest.

Her brows started to furrow while she kept watching the video and she missed the satisfied grin on M.M.'s face.

"What's going on here?" Ben asked as he came out of the bathroom.

But it did not take long for him to catch up. He immediatly recognized his song and knew right away that M.M. had put it on on purpose. So, he looked at Y/N. She was watching the video too, but he could not read her face. So, he tuned in onto her thoughts, but what he found was not reassuring.

Wth every stupid lyric that came out of his mouth he saw that she thought of herself and she compared herself to the words he sang. It did not seem as if she was angry, it was more like her selfdoubt grew and he did not like that at all.

Yeah, it was true, that the song represented some of his own thoughts and beliefs, but since he came back, it started to change in a way. And Y/N played a part in that change. Eventhough he would never admit it.

All of a sudden Y/N turned around and disappeared into the bedroom. It left Ben behind a little helpless. Should he go talk to her? But he was not a fucking pussy. He did not talk about fucking feelings. Still, this whole situation did not sit right with him. Finally, after a few minutes, he groaned loudly and then followed her into the bedroom.

Y/N was standing infront of her bed and had her face towards the window. Again, Ben did not really know what to do. Her face was unreadable and her thoughts did not give away much more.

"Are you ready?" He asked, not really knowing what to do else.

But Y/N didn't answer right away. "What are we doing here?" she asked a counter queston.

That took him by surprise, because Y/N knew what was going to happen next. They talked about it long and in detail. But she gave him the answer right away.

"We don't even know eachother. I know absolutly nothing about you and you know barely anything about me. So... how are we supposed to play the lovey dovey couple, when there is nothing to build on?"

That was not what he'd expected. "Well, I'm a fucking good actor, sweatheart. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about it."

"But I do! Once people know we're there, they will take pictures and videos of us!"

"Don't think about it! Let me take care of this." said Ben a little upset. " Why are women always like that? It's my job to think about this."

"So, I'm not allowed to worry about this whole thing?" she now responded a little upset. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. Of course I'm not allowed to think about this. It would probably be the best for me to never think anything again, right? So that I don't give you any kind of trouble!" She refered to the song she just heared some minutes ago.

"Christ on a cross!"

"Hey, guys! You ready?" Annie poked her head through the door and gave Y/N the best opportunity to get out of this conversation.

Sometimes it was just so frustating to talk to the supe who had invaded her life on such a big and drastic scale. He could be nice and funny even. But those times made her forget his mindset a lot of times. She was a strong, independent woman and he would never get to change that. Especially not Soldier Boy!

About an hour later they arrived at their destination. It was a texas style Steakhouse and just across the street you could stand on the Hudson River. The restaurant was a bit out of the way on a not so busy street and it was actually a pretty place.

Mallory had arranged a privat table beforehand and as soon as they stepped inside, the employees stared to whisper with eachother. Ben and Y/N tried to be normal, not noticing anything that happend and sat down. They ordered drinks and something to eat. And after ten minutes Annie had sent Y/N a screenshot of the first pictures that were already floating around online. Clearly a waiter must've shot it.

The uneasiness whitin Y/N became more and more, so much so that even Ben started to see it in her face. So he got into acting mode and took her hand in his. And then he started to talk to her, which took her by surprise. And then he told her a little of himself. Some things about his past and the way he grew up. What he liked and didn't like.

And Y/N soaked it all up. She started to relax, began to ask him questons and told him about herself too. And whitout them realizing two hours passed. The conversation flowed naturally and even Ben liked it. He did not fully open up, but it felt good to talk to Y/N. She was really clever and compassionate.

They had finished dessert some time ago now and people had started to crowd the restaurant, but the employees held them back from the couple.

"This went more smoothly than expected." Y/N said at one point.

She did not think, that the supe would really start to share some of his story with her, but everything new she heared from him, seemed to close the distance she had felt in the last days between them. Sex or not. The emotional distance was even more clear to her after she she saw the video of Ben some hours ago.

And she started to understand why he behaved in a certain way. What made him him. She was still not fine with a lot of things he said and did, but she realized that it came down to bad parenting. And all he ever wanted was to be accepted. He just wanted to have someone who was proud of him.

Y/N smiled sympathetically at him and he gave her a genuine smile back. But then she saw the change in his eyes. The smile disappeared from his face and his gaze lost his focus.

"Ben?" Y/N asked and laid her hand softly on his arm. "Ben, what's wrong?"

And then she heared it, too. There was music playing in the backround and it was getting louder. Some kind of russian song and it made Ben stand up all of a sudden. The chair behind him fell and he started to puff his chest heavily.

"Ben? BEN!" Y/N stood up too and tried to get his attention.

The supe started to groan and his eyes shifted shortly to her. "Get out! Now!"

"Ben, whats wrong? Talk to me!" No way she was going to leave him now.

Two hands grabbed her by her shoulders. "Y/N, we have to go!" It was Annie and she started to pull her away. "Their playing the song from Mikhail Shufutinskiy. That's what the russians played while they experimented on him."

"I'm not leaving him here alone!" she protested, but Ben's chest started to glow up.

"C'mon, Y/N! We don't have time!" said Annie and finally managed to pull her away from Ben.

And while he still heared her screaming his name, Ben's vision went black and his powers blasted from his chest.

A/N: Yeah, we're going there. 🙈 Who played that song all of a sudden? And what will happen to Y/N? Until next time. 🤭

@lyarr24 @leigh70 @k-slla @deadlydivergentgirl @deans-spinster-witch