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thearchivistsjournal · 1 year

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Day 363,

Author's Note: The first half of this story-within-a-story, this tale of the Merchant and the Blacksmith's Daughter, was told back in Day 98.

At first, when the merchant returned to the village, she was nervous. What if the medicine had not worked and the blacksmith’s daughter now resented her? What if the gift she now brought was rejected? Was she being too forward?

As it happened, these fears were unwarranted. The blacksmith was more hale and hearty than he had been in years. And his daughter, already grateful, was delighted with the simple hair ornament the merchant presented to her; ostensibly as thanks for sending her on such a journey that led her to contacts that would be profitable in future seasons. It was a small, plain thing, for the merchant could not yet afford more, but its color shone brilliantly against a head of white hair and it was most effective at keeping that hair out of the way when working a forge.

As in the last spring, and in springs to follow, the merchant lingered for longer than was profitable in that little village so that she and the blacksmith’s daughter might spend as much time in one another’s presence as their respective callings would allow. But, leave once again the merchant always did, although always with a promise to return. And return she always did, with news and tales and goods, traded for coin and horseshoes and a nostalgic taste of a slower life.

And so the seasons turned, and with them the years. The claim the merchant once made to impress the blacksmith’s daughter about her purpose not being money but to fulfill the needs of those who cannot for themselves became a guiding principle in truth. And in this way she gained a reputation for being fair and compassionate in balance with being cunning and capable. And in this way she wove a web of connections and esteem greater in value than the coin of any one great trade. Of course, there was an ever-increasing amount of coin too.

Meanwhile, the blacksmith’s daughter came into her own as well. There came the day when she matched her father’s skill and took on an equal share of the smithy’s work. There came the day when she surpassed her father’s skill and took on most of the smithy’s work. There came the day when - to both their surprise - her father received a commission from outside their village. She smirked as she cursed the merchant for spreading overwrought tales of the talent of a humble village blacksmith and pushed herself to ever further mastery so that she might live up to those tales. And then surpass them.

And then give the merchant much playful grief over the whole ordeal when she next returned.

Yet, for all the sweetness of those years, there were still the subtle bitternesses. The merchant still had to pretend to be a man for her own safety and status. The blacksmith still got the credit for his daughter’s work while asking her more urgently every year when she would find a husband to continue the family line. And for all the time the merchant and the blacksmith’s daughter spent with one another, growing ever more mutually smitten, neither had the confidence to admit to the other of being more than close friends.

And when at last the merchant shared her secret with the blacksmith’s daughter, her faint hope that one day the merchant would settle down as her husband and fulfill her father’s wish for grandchildren was dashed. And yet, the revelation left her more smitten still.

So, turned the seasons and years with their bright joys and quiet sorrows, until one hot summer’s day brought a change.

The merchant had stopped at a pool beneath a waterfall, far off enough from the road that she might water her steed and bathe in private. It was a pool she had stopped at often enough before and had never encountered another, so - for a short time - she allowed herself to relax the guard she kept up on those dangerous roads. And so she found herself half-disrobed at the water’s edge when the malicious spirits of that place’s wilds - far crueler than any sprite of this world - set upon her with the hunger of wild animals and the cunning of men (in the original version, these were bandits, but I’m making the usual adaptational censorship for this Village’s sensibilities).

Now, the merchant was not unskilled at defending herself - one must be capable of such to travel those roads - and indeed she had done so handily in the past more than once, but on this occasion she was caught unawares and with the spirits between her and her bow and her spear. And so, after trying and failing to reach her armaments, for all it hurt her pride she shouted for help she did not believe would come.

The spirits laughed at her despair.

The merchant steeled herself for her fate.

The wind picked up, carrying with it a scattering of petals and the scent of flowers.

A glint from the forest.

A blur that seemed to ride the wind.

A whistle of sharp metal.

The first of the spirits fell.

The laughter ceased.

The merchant beheld the beautiful swordsman.

His mocking grin drew the enraged spirits unto him.

His dancing feet spiraled amongst them untouched.

His gleaming sword flowed in and out and across.

The last spirit remaining slipped behind the beautiful swordsman.

The merchant cried out a warning.

The blow that would have torn spine from back tore only skin from shoulder.

A final flash and it was over.

A final flourish and the sword was sheathed.

A final flower on the breeze and the air was still.

The merchant and the beautiful swordsman stared at one another for a long moment with no sound but the nearby waterfall.

And then the moment ended as the swordsman winced and gripped his injured shoulder, making a self-deprecating joke about being too reckless (actually say the joke when performing the telling) and then thanking the merchant for saving his life. The merchant thanked him for saving hers and began to bandage him up.

While they recovered they talked, and as they talked they found they had much in common. Both were wanderers of the roads; her to bring people together and him to keep them safe. Both thought they were the only ones who knew of this pool. Both knew of the other by reputation, although the merchant’s secret, now revealed, was news to him. Both had a similar sense of humor and played off one another well. Both were beautiful, although on this one point the merchant disagreed for none had ever told her such before.

How could she compare to this man who was more beautiful than any she had ever seen? Who moved with a dancer’s grace? Who smelled of iron and flowers in bloom? Who had saved her life?

He smiled and reminded her that she had saved his as well. And then he offered to show her how she might compare.

She did not object when he moved to kiss her.

Over the days it took to travel to the next village, the beautiful swordsman convinced the merchant to try - just this once - to present herself as a woman while conducting her business. It was an out-of-the-way place where her wider reputation would not suffer if things went poorly. To her surprise, it did not. It was frightening at first, yes, and there was some initial skepticism, true, but she was known here and her skills had not changed with her appearance.

It felt better than she’d expected. She had not realized how much hiding herself had worn her down. She knew it was reckless, but she tried it again in the next village. And the next. And before she knew it, the rest of her stops on the year’s circuit.

It did not always go so well of course. Some fell back on old prejudices despite their past relationship and dealings. Some felt they had been lied to all these years and resented the fact. But the greater number accepted her as the same merchant who had always served them so well or even befriended them in the past and continued business as usual. Some even lauded her cleverness in keeping up the ruse for so long or called her brave or skillful at having succeeded so well at a disadvantage.

Although, of course, the merchant knew that having already built up wealth and reputation made things far easier than if she had risked being herself from the start. And having a famous swordsman at her side as a personal guard didn’t hurt matters either.

If there was one blemish on that unexpectedly exhilarating year, it was the guilt. The merchant could not help but feeling that she had betrayed the blacksmith’s daughter. She told herself that since the two of them had never claimed to ever be anything more than close friends, there was nothing to betray. But the feeling persisted, and so the merchant revised her route so that she would not pass back to her favorite village until she was on her way to the city for the winter. Of course, that only made the gnawing feeling worse.

When the blacksmith’s daughter next saw the merchant, riding openly as she had only shown herself to her in private and with a beautiful man at her side, she felt a stabbing pain in her chest that she refused to identify. A moment looked forward to for months, suddenly turned to a fear she dared not name.

Over the following days the time that had once belonged to just the two of them was now shared by the three of them. Their favorite private place now had a beautiful intruder. An intruder who was never anything but gracious, and funny, and kind, and infuriatingly hard to resent.

It hurt how happy her best friend was, and she hated that it hurt. She knew that she should be happy for the merchant’s happiness. And so that was the face she showed. A facade that all was right in the world, when every hour she wished that she had spoken her feelings sooner while chiding herself that to voice those words now would be nothing but hurtful selfishness.

And so the blacksmith’s daughter spent those last days of autumn smiling and those last nights silently weeping.

As the merchant returned to the city for the winter with the beautiful swordsman still at her side, she was happy that the two people in the world she cared for most had gotten along so well.

And so again the seasons turned and the years turned with them. The merchant grew yet wealthier and more connected, while the blacksmith’s daughter became ever more skilled. Ministers in the city asked the merchant to handle their affairs. Warriors from afar journeyed to a once little-known village for blades and armor like no other. Young traders sought out the merchant and asked to work for her. She gave advice to all but hired none. Would-be smiths sought out the elderly blacksmith and his white-haired daughter for apprenticeship. He would take no apprentice but a non-existent grandchild and she sent all away without a word.

Masks cannot hold forever, and lies to oneself can only be believed for so long. The merchant’s guilt began to gnaw again. She began to question her relationship with the beautiful swordsman. Had she made a mistake? Had she simply done what was easy, useful, and expected? He was dear to her, and she enjoyed his presence and his touch, and had done so much for her. He seemed as near to perfect as a mortal man could be. He had never been anything but loyal to her. But if he had deeper depths, he never revealed them to her. So how could she ever truly open up to him in return?

And why did every visit to the blacksmith's daughter feel so painful these days when all three of them looked and sounded so happy?

Meanwhile, the blacksmith’s daughter closed herself ever further off. She spoke to no one except her father. And the merchant and the beautiful swordsman when they visited. All commissions would go through her father and she would make creations that each put the last to shame without a question of payment or word to the patron. Suitors stopped calling after a thrown hammer grazed the last one’s ear.

The beautiful swordsman, while a carefree man, was not an oblivious one. And he knew what he was well enough, perhaps even better than most know themselves. He knew his bonds were not as strong as most, no matter how easily he formed them, and he had long since made his peace with that. He saw himself as a simple man of simple pleasures, and saw no shame in that.

He was not unaware of the merchant's growing melancholy, nor was he blind to the masked pain of the blacksmith’s daughter. Nor the other buried feelings between the two. He’d hoped all that would either blow up or fade with time, but he hadn’t anticipated it festering this long.

He liked to think he knew when to end a good thing before it goes bad, but admitted to himself that this time he may have been complacent.

And so, on spring day, he sighed to himself and declared he needed a new sword.

Of course, there was only one smith who would do.

It was raining when they arrived in the merchant’s once-favorite village. She found it fit her melancholy these days. A place she’d first seen full of light and color, now dim and drab. She hated that she now felt dread instead of joy in coming here. She was surprised when the beautiful swordsman said he wished to speak to the blacksmith’s daughter in private about the commission, but secretly relieved. It was strange though that they talked all day, and through the night.

She never did learn exactly what they spoke of.

The blacksmith’s daughter did not know what to make of the long conversation herself at first. Nor of the commission. Her voice was sore the next day, she had not spoken at such length for… well, she didn’t know how long it had last been. The next day she did not pick up a hammer. She only sat, and thought, and paced, and planned. And then the next day, she worked. And the next and next until she quenched the metal in her own blood and tears. Only once her frenzied work was finished did she pause to rest for a moment on the floor of her workshop. A pause that became a deep sleep.

She never did learn what the merchant and the beautiful swordsman spoke of during those days.

When the merchant woke the next morning, the rain had stopped and the beautiful swordsman was gone.

When the blacksmith’s daughter woke the next morning, the rain had stopped and the sword she made was gone.

The other item from the commission remained.

When the merchant reached the door of the workshop, she hesitated, unsure if she was doing the right thing.

When the blacksmith’s daughter reached the door of the workshop, she hesitated, unsure if she was doing the right thing.

The knock came at the same time the handle turned.

The two of them stared at one another as if for the first time.

The blacksmith’s daughter invited the merchant inside to see the second half of the beautiful swordsman’s commission. As they walked through the maze her workshop had become, she nervously explained that the first part of the commission had been the easy one. Only a blade finer than any seen before, worthy of its own name and stories. The second half had been the most difficult piece she’d ever attempted to forge.

“Her own heart’s desire.”

The simple hair ornament was a small, plain thing, but it shone brilliantly against a head of graying hair.

And that’s the rest of the story. It’s an amateur thing, clunky for reading and even worse for telling, and with all sorts of issues that I cringe at even now as I read over what I just wrote. I’d considered including more, like a word implying things about the nature of the beautiful swordsman, or an epilogue of how the couple set up their lives and professions and legacies afterward, or even even ending on a kiss, but ultimately it had already grown far more bloated with more details and plot elements than I originally envisioned and I felt like this ending’s imagery made for a more sincere romantic gesture than physical affection given the context.

But, yeah, that’s that. It’s not very good and could probably stand to have at least half of it cut out altogether, but it’s mine for better or for worse, and it felt wrong to let it go unwritten.

<==Previous Next==>

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owlmylove · 3 years

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Just had the very distressing thought that if I ever want to have a girlfriend I'm gonna have to TALK to a girl?!?!??!?!?!?

I'd have to talk to a girl that I LIKE and HAVE A CRUSH ON?!?!? Impossible! Please help a distressed lesbian if you have any advice

okay so: in my personal experience 90% of all lesbian flirting is eyeing up fellow women to discreetly try to determine if they, too, are wlw. then you compliment each others button downs and never speak to each other again

BUT if you would like to painstakingly attempt to challenge the starfish fallacy then read on for my comprehensive guide on flirting w/ women! (credentials: i have accidentally flirted with So Many Women oh my god)

first up: start with the art of compliments! if you're too shy to tell a girl they're gorg out of nowhere, then focus on their clothing, their haircuts, their cool shoes, the patches on their denim jackets, etc. opening a convo with a compliment is one of the easiest shortcuts, as it neatly prevents you from having to come up w/ a witty rejoinder right off the bat (save those for later)

physical proximity makes it easy to do this to someone standing or sitting next to you. if, however, they're on the other side of the room/otherwise engaged, it gets trickier. if ur confident enough to walk up to a girl in a coffeeshop + compliment her, GO FOR IT. but if you're too anxious to just coldcall her, approach with a question.

you can warp the compliment to fit the question, i.e. "Hey! Sorry to interrupt [your reading], but your book looks super interesting/I've seen it around & am debating whether to buy it. Would you recommend it?" or, re: outfits/haircuts "Hey! Your ____ is super cute, can I ask where you got it [done]?" if they're a classmate/coworker, you can make it even less direct: "Hey! Do you know when we're scheduled to do ____?" (<- this one comes w/ the perk of, pending her response, immediately asking for her # to swap shifts or trade notes, which can quickly allow for inviting her to a study group/after work drinks with coworkers. speedrun!!)

once Conversation is Initiated, maintain eye contact, listen attentively to their replies, and keep smiling/smizing. if they're reticent, follow up with more questions unless you're getting fuck off vibes ("I'm trying to get more into reading lately, would you have any other reccs?" or, "I haven't found a hairstylist yet since I moved here from _____, are there any other local spots you'd recommend?")

BUT if they're returning eye contact, smiling, and keeping open body language towards you, make it a full-on convo! offer some personal details in return, don't be afraid to make (non-risky!!!!) jokes, and (if you can control when & where you're moving, i.e. not during a job or class) have a built-in exit.

even if convos are going good, it's polite (+ leaves them wanting more via scarcity principle, etc. etc.) to end a brief first-time convo after a few minutes, ideally before the energy winds down & you're left feeling awkward. "it's been so lovely meeting you! [insert name here], right? I've got to get going, but thanks for the ___!" if you wanna play the long game/are in a coffeeshop/aren't confident enough yet (no shame!) ask if she comes here regularly and say you hope to see her around sometime soon.

if you've managed to get a good enough energy going: ask if she has an insta/social media you could get for _____ purpose, i.e. letting her know if you like the book/music/media she recc'd or asking for more local spots. IF, however, you don't wanna put yourself at the whim of her generosity: give yourself a cheat code during the initial conversation.

namely; reference something you'd recommend, think she'd find funny, or can't believe she hasn't seen yet, etc. etc. then, at the end of the convo, you can naturally offer "Oh! Lemme send you that X I mentioned--do you have an insta/social?" et voila. asking for social is always less awk/direct than asking for phone numbers, AND it lets the flirtee decide whether she wants to offer that level of trust just yet

if you're not coldcall flirting a girl in public, but rather have an object of your affections at work or school: this formula works p. much the same, but on a slower scale (if you don't use my speedrun ofc) start building a rapport via compliments/questions, progress to chatting briefly whenever you see each other, and third step: say "I saw something yesterday that totally reminded me of you/I just have to send to you!! Here-do I have your insta yet?"

once you have someone's insta: continue chatting when you see them irl/replying to their stories over social, and see if you can pay close enough attention to what she likes to do. judging by the number of accidental lesbian dates i've been on, it's probably

art museum

botanical gardens, or

burlesque shows

however, hikes, used bookstores, underground shows, and grocery shopping together for a subsequent picnic also feature prominently. invite her to do whatever activity you think you'd both enjoy most (over social or irl, whichever you're comfortable with [tho irl gives you a better judge of facial expressions/body language]) and boom. if she says yes, shoot back "it's a date!" after setting the day/time, bc if she's anywhere near as clueless as i am (i'm so sorry wlw) they may honestly think you're still just friends.

if, over the course of your irl convos or DMs, you have the chance to casually mention your sexuality (patches, pride is coming up, mention "my teenage crush/my ex-girlfriend") and ask for hers, go for it. if you can be direct: ask directly. it will save you time, trouble, and mild heartbreak. but if you suffer from the conflict avoidance that plagues lo so many of us: just lean into the subtext.

offer your celebrity crushes and ask what hers are. mention an ex (BRIEFLY, in connection to another topic entirely [she recc'd this cool band to me!] and always in a positive context). wear birkenstocks or docs and say Portrait of a Lady on Fire is the best film of all time, say you listen to girl in red or w/e those charming youths do. just lay the foundation in barely-subtext and keep an eye on her responses, while accepting the risk of wooing what may or may not be a fellow wlw

once you are, in point of fact, ON the date: standard rules and rates apply. relax! be urself!! enjoy spending time with a cool person, regardless of what may or may not come of it!!!! if she seems into it lean into physical proximity, do the whole Tarzan hand-comparison wlw are addicted to, offer to feed her bites of food or swap sips of each other's drinks, and casually set intentions for future plans ("I've never heard of X cafe--we'll have to do that next time!" or, the infamous buy-her-smth-secretly and then offer "You can get mine next time c:")

again, the most important thing is to be sincere. it's good not to place too many expectations on the other person, but don't force yourself to be overly "chill" if you are not, in point of fact, a chill person. dating is always a process of getting to know one another, and it's important to be polite but pls don't feel like you have to follow a script or be someone you're not. just be you babe: you're already plenty lovable. godspeed + good luck!!<33

#long post #lesbian #wlw #how to flirt #lesbian dating advice #dating advice #sorry for the stereotypes but sometimes they're useful!!!#anonymous #reply

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lessonsfrommadamexmas · 4 years

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EREN JAEGER AND THE ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6

First of all, to my followers, please excuse me. This account isn’t for SNK but it’s the one I have and I wanted to write this.

Secondly, I hope this post finds the fandom lol. But if you’re expecting this to be another meta to judge Eren’s actions, don’t waste your time. The enneagram is a tool of understanding, not judgement, and I just wanted to share one thing I appreciate immensely about Eren’s characterization.

Well, why don’t we start with chapter 137? There, Zeke states that life’s purpose is to propagate and it’s core fear is to be extinguished. In other words, from the moment we are born, our organisms need to survive. As humans, we are on our own: suddenly, you gotta breathe on your own; the food is no longer provided. Everything is scary. A baby cries because everything is hard and far away and something in their biology tells them to keep fighting to survive.

Now, onto a more spiritual approach. In El Eneagrama de la Sociedad, Claudio Naranjo says that several cultures have their own ideas and tales regarding a disconnection from a primordial state of wholeness. Once born, we become individuals and are separated from the Universe, as if we’re no longer in sync, and something is lost in the process. How can we survive? Our defense mechanisms start with that question. We need love, we need resources and we need to stand our ground in this cruel, but beautiful world. This, on the enneagram, is called “childhood trauma”.

What I want to do in this post is to break down Eren’s character development through the lens of the enneagram, but for that, I need to give you an overview of the system. It is cruel and beautiful, just like the SNK world. It sees us with care and understanding but it also exposes the harsh truths we don’t want to see.

The enneagram, first and foremost, is an ancient symbol, a figure of nine points connected within a circle. There’s a lot of fascinating history to it, but I’m gonna focus on what matters to this post. The enneagram is a personality system that encompasses nine essences of the Universe, and once our childhood trauma sinks in, we attach to one type which defines our worldview. Here’s how each enneatype manifests itself:

Type 1, the reformer: this person seeks to not make mistakes. They are principled and meticulous in everything they do but highly critical of themselves and others.

Type 2, the helper: this person seeks to be needed. They are proud of their independence and helpfulness but believe they can only receive love if they give first.

Type 3, the achiever: this person seeks to be worthy. They are motivated and ambitious but shape themselves around what is expected of them.

Type 4, the individualist: this person seeks to build their identity. They are sensitive and creative but reject the ordinary and focus on what is harder to reach.

Type 5, the investigator: this person seeks to be a specialist. They are perceptive and curious but withhold themselves and their resources and worry they’re never prepared.

Type 6, the loyalist: we’ll talk about it in a moment.

Type 7, the enthusiast: this person seeks to avoid pain. They are joyful and spontaneous but afraid of facing hardships and being swallowed by negativity and sadness.

Type 8, the leader: this person seeks to be strong. They are fierce and protective but don’t allow themselves any vulnerability and need to be on top.

Type 9, the peacemaker: this person seeks to be in peace. They’re kind and their inner stability is unshakable, but have a hard time asserting themselves.

So what does it mean to be a type 6?

Some of you might not believe if I told you that Eren is moved by fear. But that’s what it is. The type 6 represents fear itself. It’s our search for safety and support. The person who is a type 6 has disconnected from their inner guide and they don’t believe they have the same capability to make decisions as everyone else. That is more of an unconscious state, which manifests through an overly alert stance. Sixes are always on the lookout for threats and danger, their minds work predicting things that can go wrong, so they can be prepared. In other words, the type 6 fears how imprevisible life is, because they truly don’t find in themselves the compass to the answers they need “in this very moment”. They have to be one step ahead and they have to find outside structures for support, people in whom to trust and who’ll give them the guidelines and sense of balance. Fellowship and loyalty are essential to the type 6 as they look for reassurance in their concerns.

In Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery (1996), Don Richard Riso has described nine levels of development for the enneatypes. They are the path from our healthy, healed state where we’re closer to wholeness again (Level 1) down to our most broken state where we’ve abandoned ourselves (Level 9).

When we start Attack on Titan, Eren is on Level 6. Here’s what Riso says:

“In its innocent forms, counterphobia is well employed by people to master their fears — for example, children who are afraid of the dark might purposefully go to a dark room to overcome their fear.”

Eren, too, wanted to overcome his fear since he was a kid. He wanted to go outside and face those faceless titans. He wanted people around him to be prepared, but since the Garrison was incompetent and lazy, he needed to be prepared. Grisha seems to be Eren’s first authority figure. From what we know, Grisha allowed Eren to have his own thoughts and didn’t impose anything on him, which is a kind of reassurance. Thus, with his father, Eren felt more understood.

Carla, on the other hand, wished for Eren’s immediate safety and cared about him living a quiet life. But that also means she couldn’t understand his concerns, and the type 6 interprets that demeanor as vulnerability — his mother is more exposed to the threat. If the type 6 is a room where nobody is vigilant, the only option they see is to step up and become hypervigilant.

This relation to an authority is very specific for the type 6 as they search for people and systems in whom to rely on. Since the Garrison aren’t the most reliable soldiers around, Eren turns to the Survey Corps. That section of the military consists of the rebels, those who want to explore the unknown, understand the titans and figure out the best way to fight the enemy. The SC wants to be free, so they become Eren’s next “authority figure”.

Riso also says that the type 6 in Level 6 has a more aggressive stance and wants to prove to others that he isn’t indecisive and can’t be pushed around.

“They blame and berate whatever threatens them. They become rebellious… and are desperate to latch onto a position or stance that will make them feel stronger and dispel their feelings of inferiority.”

The type 6 feels inferior because they feel lost inside. Eren, too, knows that the threat lurking behind those walls is much bigger than him and a single human doesn’t stand a chance. And he berates people around him for not seeing what he sees, or for disrespecting his “heroes”.

Eren will be back to Level 6 later, embodying other aspects of it, but let’s talk about the moment he joins the army.

At this point, Eren reaches the stable position he has been eager for. He is part of a group and working towards his goals, he feels more confident because he’s preparing for the next attack. He has climbed to Level 4:

“The security which groups and institutions provide far exceeds the strength of any individual members...”

As we know, Eren sees his mission to eradicate all titans also as a social responsibility. The type 6 can easily fall into “us versus them” mentality where they are putting effort into something and will trust only the people who understand the importance of it. Eren’s bickering with Jean, as well as his admiration for Reiner starts from there.

“And even within their own group, average Sixes make it their business to find out who is pulling the weight and who is not... If others are not loyal or committed, it not only makes them angry, it threatens them.”

Eren talks over and over about how he’s going to join the suicide squad, to the point people start making fun of him. But he is testing everyone’s commitment to the cause of “fighting titans” and he finds people like Jean, who only really want their safe life, as well as Reiner, who is dedicated and understands him immediately. Reiner becomes his new “authority figure”: whenever Eren’s failing, Reiner is there to understand him, to offer help and to remind him of why he’s there.

“The loyalty of average Sixes for the people with whom they have identified is almost without bounds. They find it extremely difficult to break their emotional bonds, even should they desire to do so… Their love may, in time, turn to hatred but never to indifference.”

That one speaks for itself. It’s exactly how Eren felt upon RBA’s betrayal. He’s in total denial about Annie, while for Reiner/Berthold all he has left is rage.

Choosing who to trust is part of the type 6 identity. All of their beliefs, all their inner world is shaken if they are betrayed, because the network they build is how they find a safe space for themselves in the world and how they orient themselves. Annie was Eren’s parameter of fighter, Reiner was Eren’s parameter of leadership. The first backstab is too hard for him to process, we see it all unfold. He can’t admit she’s a traitor, and he doesn’t even have the will to transform and fight her.

The second one, however, is embraced somewhat faster and he’s even able to contain himself and play along. But it doesn’t change how deeply it affected him and how vengeful he gets. Years later, that hatred would dissipate, but never to indifference — Eren still feels a need for some closure between them.

I got ahead of myself on the timeline, so I’m going to rewind to the moment Eren joins the Survey Corps, which is his childhood dream. Erwin is his main authority figure now and you see that, even though Erwin locked him up, he trusts the guy. As Don Riso explains, the type 6 on Level 4 plays by the rules of his group because he strongly believes in those rules and they bring comfort to their minds. In reality, the SC doesn’t really know what they’re doing. Erwin himself doesn’t know how he’s gonna cross the walls and find out the truth. But Eren is devoted to them. Their cause is his cause and he knows how hard it is but what matters is they’re trying. Besides, they embrace him. They want to reach the basement and want to defend him on the court and want to investigate/use his titan power. Thus, for Eren, the SC is the most solid and welcoming place to be. He’ll do whatever they want from him.

However, Eren was about to find out that things were far from glorious out there. Although the Survey Corps work under strict “plans” that soldiers are supposed to follow blindly, Eren can’t just watch people being sacrificed to protect him. Especially when he has enough power to act in a more significant way than those individual humans. But how much control does he have over his own power? Eren can’t answer that, and he feels immensely conflicted as soldiers continue to drop dead.

In that moment, Levi could’ve forced him to follow his orders, and perhaps that would’ve eased his mind when he chose not to transform. But the captain is a different kind of leader than Erwin, and he challenges Eren instead:

And I really appreciate how fitting that is to the type 6 conflit. It’s very difficult for them to accept it, sometimes there simply isn’t a clear path, sometimes it is okay to trust yourself and act on your own. But this is what Eren’s thinking:

That didn’t turn out very well, did it? At the end of the expedition, Eren is forced to admit that the SC don’t have all the answers and that all his power and training can’t always keep everyone safe. He’s once again reminded of that after activating the Coordinate — not even the power to control titans can avoid sacrifices.

Ideally, the type 6 can only reach the safety they seek once they allow themselves to move in the chaos with the courage to face it step by step, instead of predicting it. This may sound easy for others but not for them, especially if they are inserted in a reality where the cost of a mistake is lives.

So we get to the Uprising arc. It starts with the Survey Corps planning the retake of Wall Maria while they put Eren through hardening experiments. Time is not on their side and Eren’s determined to go beyond his limits during the tests.

“They consequently try to further strengthen their ‘social security’ systems by working harder to be accepted and approved by their allies and authorities… Others wonder if they resent the workloads and pressures they seem to be under, yet Sixes seem eager to fulfill their obligations and duties...”

Eren’s entire world would fall apart again once he’s kidnapped by Rod Reiss and discovers the truth of his father’s sin. Like I said earlier, Grisha was one of Eren’s authority figures, and even though he was absent, the basement key and the promised truth kept son and father connected. Wherever Grisha was, Eren could still count on the answers he’d left behind.

That is, until he is hit by a trainwreck of a revelation that his father killed an entire family and sacrificed himself to pass on the titans to him. Eren’s left completely lost, he no longer knows what to think of himself, of the world, of his father.

He falls from Level 4 to Level 7:

“Sixes become trapped in an unhealthy pattern of self-disparagement and massive insecurity which reinforces feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, a marked deterioration from the indecision and evasiveness we saw [before].”

This shift to a much more confused and self-loathing state doesn’t last long because Eren has his friend’s support for now. Historia chooses to see his worth and let him live. Levi once again challenges him to make his own decision, and Eren manages to save the day.

As Eren becomes aware of those destructive feelings, he tries to get rid of them by “fighting” himself, in an attempt to put himself back up.

He realizes he isn’t alone and he doesn’t have to do everything on his own, people around him are also strong enough to stand up for themselves. That helps him return to a more average stage and it could have been the beginning of his growth...

Well, if only life wouldn’t have a surprise waiting for him at every corner.

I hope you’re being able to follow and understand that we all have ups and downs in life. The levels of development represent exactly that, so it is common to find yourself in the same stage in different periods of your life. Nevertheless, after Eren learns the truth about the world and sees his future memories, it all goes downhill for him, no turning back anymore.

Here is what Riso comments on the ambivalence of the type 6 on Level 5:

“Sixes begin to follow the narrow path between the expectations of their allies and authorities and their need to resist having any further demands placed on them.”

Eren is overwhelmed by the view of the outside world. He has experienced his father’s memories first hand and it’s nothing like what he expected. No one around him has the same perspective. A lot of self-awareness and self-doubt emerge from the future memories he saw through Historia. Riso explains that on Level 5 the person starts to become more worried about how their allies feel about them.

“They become skeptical of new views and ideas, feeling that they have already put a lot of effort into understanding the perspectives and approaches they already know.”

Eren went from “I HATE TITANS ALL TITANS ARE MY ENEMIES DESTROY ‘EM ALL” to “titans are my people and they haven’t chosen this horrible outcome”. And that’s A LOT to process when you wrapped your life around that initial idea. But things are changing even faster, and his friends are talking about how the enemy could be reached out too. This thought needs to coexist in Eren with the clear image he has of the enemy, one that only he has accessed. Add to that how Eren was kept away from the Marleyan prisoners as Paradis also feared some kind of betrayal. As long as there’s people out there against them, he can’t so easily rest.

Who knows at what point Eren returns to Level 6. The time skip is covered very loosely. But probably when he is feeling so lost that he actually comes to Historia to vent.

“As in other types, to be functioning in this Level or lower usually indicates that there were extremely dysfunctional elements in the child’s environment.”

Self-explanatory. It’s even hard to talk about Level 6 because it is a point where Sixes start to overthink threats that aren’t that big, but in Eren’s case, the threat is 100% REAL and there’s a world isolating them and wishing for his people to die and throwing gigantic creatures at them. No big deal at all.

Eren turns to the people who actually understand the urgency he feels. Floch is eager to follow him, while Zeke and Yelena have an actual plan. Eren says he’s acting out of his own decisions, and he sure is, but he has also left it in Zeke’s hands to set the course. At this point, it no longer is a positive thing for the type 6 to have reassurance instead of a grounding support, it’ll only leave them trapped in the current mentality.

What would be more appropriate would be a balance between rejection…

…and full acceptance.

(By the way, I can’t even know where Historia stands, since she let him do his thing, but I’m still using her here because of how immediate her reaction was, which could lead Eren to think he can’t risk telling anyone else. Unhealthy Sixes are just that paranoid.)

Zeke could have been Eren’s new “authority figure“ if their goals were the same. But more and more the only thing Eren is starting to rely on are the future memories.

Riso talks about how a violent environment would lead to violent actions and “they end up using the same aggressive tactics on others”. And I can draw a parallel with how Eren has been facing titans for so long and watched them take people from him, that he just feels aggression arise whenever he thinks of all the injustice he has witnessed. Same would happen later on, when he sees Ymir’s memories and finally decides to unleash this pain on the world.

“It’s hard for Sixes to work for something. Instead, their energies are galvanized by being against people and things.”

Despite being highly conflicted and problematic, Eren so far has waited. It’s too hard at this point to fully engage with those dreams, but he has watched things unfold and allowed the Survey Corps to do their stuff and try to contact the outside world. On Level 7, the type 6 is just going through the day with little hope. When the SC reaches Marley and Eren meets the boy of his memories, he can no longer escape from facing himself.

“Tearful and obsequious, they are disgusted with themselves for not having been tough enough to stand on their own two feet, to defend themselves, to be independent.”

Not only Eren, but Paradis as a whole, have been unable to be independent in a much bigger world, or this is how he sees it after Kyiomi monopolizes the resources and the pro-Eldians group rejects the island. Finally, Eren recognizes in himself the person who would be capable of trampling the kid he currently wants to save, and that leaves him disgusted.

“They do not necessarily deceive others maliciously, but to escape punishment or abandonment. They believe they may be able to repair the damage they have caused...”

What Riso is saying here is that the type 6 feel the need to hide (themselves) so their loved ones won’t abandon them. And again, in Eren’s case, he has a damn good reason to think his loved ones might not be super happy if he said he was going to destroy the whole world. Let’s not forget they are the people who counted on him to save the world this whole time, and he is the person several people have been sacrificed for.

All this pressure has brought him this low, but Eren reaches rock bottom when he allows himself to admit he wished for it all to be destroyed. Now, he can no longer face his family (as he would tell Falco) and he has little faith in himself.

Again, Eren’s paranoias aren’t so far from reality because there is, indeed, a world against them, and that keeps feeding into his anxiety. Paradis’s progress is little and the future is uncertain. When the type 6 reaches Level 9, they can no longer get out of this spiral. They know it’s only a matter of time until the threat comes to them. So they call the threat upon themselves.

Eren allowed himself to go as far as understanding his enemies and accepting that they’re the same, but with the declaration of war, he can’t wait anymore.

I already told you the reason: the type 6 needs to be able to predict. That’s the very core of their beings, their minds seek to control events. Striking first is their final attempt to make sure they won’t be taken by surprise. Ultimately, they are lost and desperate to find support again. Here’s what Riso says about the type 6 on Level 9:

“They may drop out, abasing themselves as vagrants and living in skid row conditions, thus allowing their health and minds to deteriorate to the point of no return.”

It almost feels like Isayama has read this book, I swear to God. Yeah, that’s word by word what Eren does. He goes to enemy territory, injures himself and throws himself in war. Despite resisting for so long to a new perspective of his enemies, Eren allows himself to see them with his own eyes. All because he’s desperate to understand his enemy, desperate to understand himself (and what would lead to his decision) and desperate to run away from his friends. He is ashamed of choosing those future memories as his new authority figure, get it? They are the most certain thing in his life now. As much as he waited and as much as the SC tried, they don’t have any guaranteed future and it’s just too hard for the type 6, especially unhealthy Sixes, to wait. It’s impossible.

Remember I said that Sixes want to feel understood? Well, I think Eren feels understood, to some degree, when he’s among those broken soldiers. They are relatable, more than anyone else.

“Neurotic Sixes bring disaster of some sort upon themselves not to end their relationship with authority figures, but to reestablish a protective one. [...] It is also important to notice that neurotic Sixes are masochist not because they take pleasure in suffering as such, but because they hope their suffering will bring someone to their side who’ll save them… as if to say, ‘Punish me, because I’ve been bad. Then you can love me again.’”

In the mind of the unhealthy type 6, if he can’t find the answers, he can’t be there for his allies. If he fails his allies, he doesn’t deserve their support. But even when he feels he doesn’t deserve it and feels they won’t forgive him, he desperately needs it — the type 6 doesn’t know how to live without support. He is completely aware of his cowardice, he may unleash his despair in innocent people, he seeks punishment for his behavior and hopes for someone to end his pain.

“Unhealthy Sixes are self-defeating persons who are their worst enemies. If they persist in their masochist behavior, neurotic Sixes will drive away everyone on whom they depend. They will be abandoned and alone, the very things they most fear.”

Eren pushed everyone away, but deep down he waited for them to come to his rescue. He knew he was a lost cause, but still couldn’t let go of what he saw as a compromise, a duty to them. His completely cruel and extreme actions are, in enneagram terms, his way to not leave his allies adrift. But aren’t all his actions for his own freedom? I don’t think so, not entirely. There’s a reason the type 6 has been named “the loyalist” — they always, always see themselves as part of a group. And in the end, he saw himself in Ymir, someone who was trapped and waiting to be rescued, understood. Don Riso says the worst part of coming this low is how much Sixes hurt others while they hurt themselves, both because they want to harm everyone who doesn’t understand and to show people the worst in themselves; they want to punish and be punished at same the time.

That is what I wanted to break down — Eren’s inner process. Yes, the type 6 is an ambivalent, contradicting personality type, precisely because that’s how they feel inside. Other enneagram types don’t escape from their own personal conflicts, that’s also important to point out. The enneagram does not define integrity, people capable of causing great harm exist in all types and no one from type 6 is fated to destroying the world — just in case that isn’t obvious.

This post is heavy, I know. One of the things I love about SNK are the emotions it evokes and how human characters are. I’m so thankful to have followed Eren’s fascinating journey. He has never hit me as a one-dimensional character as some people claim. To me, Eren is not a chad, he’s not a monster, either. He’s just human.

I’m thankful for this fandom as well. We’re a total mess but the monthly wait would’ve killed me without the crazy theories and the heated discussions.

#snk 137 #snk 138 #snk 139 #Eren Jaeger analysis #attack on titan manga and anime #enneagram #LONG post #eren jaeger #snk analysis

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womanstudiesforwomen · 3 years

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Summary of V. Solanas’ SCUM manifesto

By @womanstudiesforwomen

Disclaimer: this is a section-by-section summary of the manifesto. It is not a substitute for reading it oneself and forming one’s own opinion, it is merely a tool to aid in the organising of the ideas represented.

Section: summary of the statement made in the section

Opening : it is the responsibility of women (humans of the female sex) to “overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex”.

Several paragraphs of what appears to be satire: reversing the script of many male philosophers who posed that women were inferior to men in make and mind, Solanas poses that it is instead men who are inferior to women in make and mind.

War: men resort to violence to prove their worth.

Niceness, Politeness, and ‘Dignity’: to conceal the feelings of self-hatred and contempt created by their poor self-worth, men have devised a social code which prioritizes emotionlessness and the absence of opinion (objectivity).

Money, Marriage and Prostitution, Work and Prevention of an Automated Society: there are only six reasons for there to be a money system, and they are all generated by men. Essentially, money buys (1) companionship, and gives men (2) purpose (usefulness), (3) power and control, (4) a substitute for expressing love and affection, and (5) an “eternal, never-ending goal” as well as (6) a basis for fatherhood.

Fatherhood and Mental Illness (fear, cowardice, timidity, humility, insecurity, passivity): through emotional distance and frequent absence, the father becomes a figure from which children seek approval. Since men disapprove of emotions and opinions, children are trained into passivity. Particularly, young girls become Daddy’s Girl, that is, girls who praise their fathers and are unwilling to examine their flaws (and by extension, those of all men).

Suppression of Individuality, Animalism (domesticity and motherhood), and Functionalism: men are utterly dependent upon mothers, turning every woman they encounter, even their own daughters, into substitute mothers. For this reason, men seek to keep women interchangeable in function with every over female.

Prevention of Privacy: men do not care for women’s privacy and, in fact, seek to invade it at all times. Indeed, the familial structure is characterized by the constant “(violation of) the females’ rights, privacy and sanity.”

Isolation, Suburbs, and Prevention of Community: through keeping society divided in family units, men keep women isolated from the rest of civilization. They fear sharing women, their favourite commodity.

Conformity: men define themselves through a strict set of rules which they are afraid to cross when seeking individuality. Thus, they do their best to establish themselves as a Man, and define women as the opposite.

Authority and Government: wanting guides (mothers) in their lives, men put in place authorities. But since they refuse to accept their dependence upon women, men make all the authorities male.

Philosophy, Religion, and Morality Based on Sex: in order to give their lives meaning, men invent philosophy and religion. Men use religion as a tool to “keep women tied to men” and to “try to expiate the guilt and shame (they feel)… at being male”. On the other hand, male philosophy only represents the perspective and realities of men, not those of women too as they like to believe.

Prejudice (racial, ethnic, religious, etc) : the choosing of scapegoats by men creates a hierarchy where the men on top have the greatest access to women.

Competition, Prestige, Status, Formal Education, Ignorance and Social and Economic Classes: the men who have these appear to have the greatest worth, and they may keep women company because women are kept ignorant and unable to detect the incompetence of men. Additionally, men favour the status quo and only ever upend it if they want to be on top.

Prevention of Conversation: “Male ‘intellectual conversation’ is a strained compulsive attempt to impress the female”. Daddy’s Girl was taught to pander to men and so she keeps her conversational skills on the same level.

Prevention of Friendship (Love): since contempt is rife in society because of men’s imposition of rules which define men and women, friendship cannot exist in society, and neither can love, of which friendship is the basis. Men offer two substitutes: ‘Great Art’ and ‘Culture’ and Sexuality.

‘Great Art’ and ‘Culture’: male art and culture are believed to be the epitome of great thinking. Their greatness cannot be contested: their appreciation is a mark of superior thinking.

Sexuality: when sex is sacred, it reinforces women’s attachment to men. When women banalize sex, they stop associating it with male holiness.

Boredom: society as engineered by men for men is utterly boring because men themselves are boring.

Secrecy, Censorship, Suppression of Knowledge and Ideas, and Exposes: to keep their feelings of worthlessness hidden and to maintain their dominance in society, men censor ‘dirty’ words, suppress anything which reveals their weakness, and expose others as Others to divert attention away from themselves.

Distrust: since men lie about their self-worth all the time, they distrust others and think them to lie as well.

Ugliness: the results of men’s decorating skills are ugly.

Hatred and Violence: violence allows men to express their hate and gives them “a little sexual thrill”.

Disease and Death: the cures to aging and death are findable, but male institutions won’t be able to find them due to (1) the need to prove one’s Manliness, (2) the exclusivity of education, (3) the guarding of knowledge, (4) the lack of female scientists, (5) the lack of automated sorting of data, (6) the fact that the institutions are money-driven, (7) that men like death, and (8) that money-bias means the hiring of male-superiority thinkers.

Closing paragraphs: men are eliminating themselves through a variety of means. More and more men are encouraging women so that men can claim as their own the achievements of women. Eventually, men are going to decide that women are not necessary for reproduction. SCUM proposes women take control of the country through criminal disobedience (rather than civil disobedience) whilst never being a nuisance to the necessary institutions of society (ex: hospitals); that the money system be eliminated and automation occurs, both of which would negate the need for a government. During the takeover, SCUM suggests women kill the men who do not adhere to SCUM’s principles.

#scum manifesto #valerie solanas #disclaimer: we do not necessarily agree with the content of the post #disclaimer: we do not endorse violence #summary

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justhewayfaringstranger · 3 years

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So, I've wanted to address this topic for a while and this post I read this morning while having breakfast is a sort of response from the universe.

I would say to start by explaining a simple concept.

Demons and spirits are not the same thing, but rather, they vary from each other. Likewise, spirits and ghosts are not the same.

• Creatures understood as "demons" exist in all religions; they are supernatural beings, typically associated with the evil, historically prevalent in religions, occultism, literature, fiction, mythology and folklore;

• "spirits" are instead organized energy with at least a certain level of sensitivity that has an energy body and in most cases also an astral body. The Latin word is a translation of the Greek prneuma ("breath", "air", "vital breath") and to some extent it can be seen in the apeiron of the Presocratic Anaximander, who had to some extent dematerialized the archè (Greek: ἀρχή ) of the other Ionian naturalists, the original principle of the universe and of every part of it, impalpable and invisible but still material, as shown by another void that, blowing inside it, fills with air matter. With the Stoics, the term begins to be compared to today's one of spirit. The pneuma belongs to the god who gives life to things and guides them according to his wishes. The pneuma is a force that manifests itself not only in the individual man but is present in all things as the "soul of the world". They are ancient entities like the world itself, part of the primordial chaos and consequently neutral in themselves;

• the term “ghost” refers instead to any incorporeal entity. The term ghost comes from the Greek φάντασμα phàntasma, which in turn derives from φαντάζω (phantàzo, "to show"; from the root φαν-, which expresses the idea of "appearing" and "showing"), and had the meaning of apparition (understood as a supernatural manifestation) and only with time has its meaning been restricted to indicating the apparition of a deceased.

In 1800, with the birth of the practice of spiritism in France, it ended up rendering in the common imagination "spirits" and "ghosts" similar entities, if not true synonyms.

The French pedagogue Allan Kardec after observing a series of phenomena, formulated the hypothesis that such phenomena could only be attributed to incorporeal intelligences (spirits). Spiritual communications took place "thanks to the intervention of a medium", that is a person with particular skills who acted as mediator between spirits and living beings, during the so-called séance. This became a busines for many and most of the spiritualists were actually charlatans who swore to the victims that they could talk to the dead. In most cases, those who could afford to turn to a medium, were economically wealthy and of high rank lost and therefore for the scammer it was certainly not difficult to obtain information (even intimate) about the deceased and those around him, if at this was added some well-orchestrated play of smoke and lights, here is the "grandmother's ghost".

Having understood this, one wonders what it is then what we understand as a "ghost of a person". It is a trace left by the living. On a scientific level, death doesn't exist. From the chemical-physical point of view we are isolated systems that receive energy and produce it. But the universe itself is a closed system. So our energy is the energy of the universe. We are universe. What happens when we die? Our energy returns to the universe system. But as we know, energy is neither created nor destroyed, but it changes. So our energy is energy that has been changed in the past by others, and will be changed by others when we are gone. Death doesn't exist because energy is immortal. The energy that I am using now to tap on my laptop keyboard is the same energy that Gaius Julius Caesar used to pull the reins of his horse and to cross the Rhine. And it will be the energy that in the future a scientist will use to to be able to travel between the various space-time dimensions. Death doesn't exist, and the life of one is the life of all.

To simplify then, what we mean as the ghost of Marilyn Monroe for example, is nothing more than a sort of energetic gif of Marilyn Monroe.

I'll give you another example. Anne Boleyn died by beheading, therefore by a violent and unjust death. In this situation, she is likely to have felt strong emotions and released a huge and consistent huge amount of energy as a result. Let's say that Henry VIII was present at the execution along with a bunch of other people, let's also say that he went back to that place (or others where Anne felt strong emotions and therefore released large amounts of energy) and thought about her, let's say that Elizabeth I also thought of her mother and so many other people. All these emotions have turned into energy. If we saw energy as a palette of colors, it would be as if: the more consistent the emotions, the more intense the color, therefore, the more energy we send (even unconsciously) to the energetic image of Anne Boleyn (the energetic gif), the clearer this will be where most of the energy is concentrated (eg the Tower of London, a room in the building, etc.).

So when we go to a "haunted" place, what we see is not the "person", but a kind of still image. And according to the speech above, it is therefore normal to find this type of freeze frame in places such as castles, hospitals, etc. then if these are found on natural energy centers or lines… bingo!

Speaking instead of spirits, as mentioned before, there are no good or bad spirits. Good and bad as well as light and dark, like day and night, are a contrast present in many traditions, including native ones. This duality can also be referred to the human being and represent a moment of acting or thinking of a person. You can think and act towards the light or towards the darkness and this can also happen to shamans.

Just think of the ego and when it takes over, or when you try to manipulate, at that moment you are not in the light. But it can happen and that doesn't mean being good or bad. Acting, in fact, can also be connected with a person's karma and precisely follow what is required by this spiritual law.

Light and darkness, as in the human world, are also reflected in the world of spirits and even in this case they do not absolutely determine the condition of goodness or badness. Spirits, who in the light can be protectors, guides or allies, can also move in the dark dimension.

And if we think like the natives that everything has a spirit and that it can move between light and darkness, we can understand how there can be spirits that are particularly powerful and able to move very strong energies such as to create an effect in ordinary reality.

It is important to know the distinction between light and shadow because, from an early age, we were educated to separate the good from the bad, the right from the wrong, but for this we have become very sensitive when it comes to going to work on our shadows. As I told you, light and shadow are states of being that we all have within us. Working with shadows doesn't mean black magic, witchcraft or whatever. Simply observe the aspects of light and be able to deal with those of shadow as well. Light and darkness are two sides of the same coin that it is important to integrate.

Being half Latin, therefore leaning towards a culture extremely linked to its roots and above all to the relationship with mental spirits, it isn't difficult for me to understand this concept, and therefore despite being a Christian, I have no problem in defining myself as a witch. Of course, coming to this awareness wasn't easy, as I am partly European and therefore I grew up in a society in a Western society that is scared of what it cannot control. After years of researching my origins, my culture and theological studies, I have come to find my balance.

Returning, however, to the main reason for this post, having made the necessary explanations (and given the tools for a critical analysis of the matter), here are the points on which I personally disagree and why:

Reading books about witchcraft: Knowledge for educational purposes is by no means negative, quite the opposite. The question is whether the aforementioned "about witchcraft" book is a "spell book" or some sort of "sacred book". For example, if I find the Necronomicon tomorrow and start reading it without knowing what it is, it is likely that I will find myself living the remake of The Conjuring in the real life.

Casting most types of spells, including hexes: Same speech made in the previous point. One of the first rules of witchcraft is "know your practice". You must be aware that what you are doing is not a game and every action has consequences, even if you don't believe in the rule of 3 (everything you do comes back to you 3 times). In the specific case of curse and hexes spells, they are the most treacherous and dangerous, because you are working with dark and malevolent energies. This type of practice in particular is a double-edged weapon, which is why many witches advise against them and propose alternative methods if possible.

Practicing divination: It isn't always negative, but in some types of divination the help and guidance of spirits and divinities is sought. For example, I often do bibliomancy with the bible and even if I first ask for God's guidance, in front of each answer I ask for confirmation, because the devil was the most beautiful angel in heaven and just as darkness does not allow us to see. where we go, even a dazzling light can deceive us.

Playing with Ouija or other talking boards: Ouija is not a game and it is an extremely dangerous tool, precisely because what you do is contact spirits and entities and you cannot know who will answer the other side. Nothing good anyway.

Putting up fantasy or non-Christian artwork: Have you ever seen Annabel? Here, the principle is the same. Be careful what you bring into your home, as home is a sacred space, and nothing can enter without you giving it permission. So if you not only invite it, but rather you bring it inside and give it a space, don't come and complain to me if it is difficult to send it away.

Celebrating pagan holidays: If it's a holiday of a closed religion, avoid ruining your life. Holidays basically consist of performing rituals that often involve spirits. Learn about the history of that holiday you want to celebrate, the symbols, the rituals, and why it is celebrated in that particular way.

Celebrating Halloween: The same as the previous point, except that we all (or almost all) know that samahin is the day when the space where the veil falls and the two worlds come into contact.

Watching scary movies and TV shows: I'm not saying that if you watch The Exorcist you will be possessed, but I can't assure you otherwise either. I took The Exorcist as an example because it is known that a real ritual is performed in the movie and a lot of "disturbing" things have happened on the set of the film and to the actors. When you watch a movie, even if it is fictional, if for example it performs an evocation or a ritual you are not only witnessing, you are participating in all respects. Be careful, every person is different.

Reading (horror novels, fantasy books, comics and graphic novels). Playing (tabletop RPGs, LARP games, video games): Same as the previous point.

Listening to heavy metal music, dancing: It goes for any kind of music actually. Do you know how many pop songs I use as a spell?

Dyeing your hair: I'm not saying you'll invoke a demon, but for many cultures cutting your hair makes you more vulnerable to spiritual attack and color is an essential aspect of witchcraft.

Swearing: Wishing someone who has crossed your path death is considered a curse in all respects. Even if done unconsciously.

Drinking: Drinking, smoking… shamans have used alcohol and drugs for centuries to connect with in the spiritual world.

Having tattoos and piercings: As long as you don't tattoo Aramaic words that you don't know the meaning of, everything is fine. Before getting a tattoo in a symbol you saw in a temple in Mexico, find out the meaning of it. I'll give you an example: my cousin once bought a T-shirt with the words "puta madre" (mother whore). He had bought it only because he liked it, without knowing the meaning of the word.

Now, most of these points are mainly related to intention. As I said before, I often use music in my spells, but if for example, I use "can't be touch by Roy jones" for a protection and encouragement spell (eg a manifestation) and a few months later I listen to the same song on the radio doesn't mean it will work like a spell again. In many cases it is a question of intention. Yhat's why it is important to educate yourself.

#witch #christian witch #afro witch #green witch #witchraft #education #educate yourself #witchblr #witchy things #spirit #ghost #demon

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tentendeservedbetter · 3 years

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home is where my team is - Chapter 3

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“Today will be the final test I have to take in order to become a Genin, just as you and father have been before. Please, watch over me.”

She bowed slightly, her hands together in a prayer sign in front of her nose, before opening her eyes and pushing herself off of her knees to stand. She quickly patted her black pants, getting rid of any left over lint from the pillow she sat on, and she stared at the Dainichi Buddha that stood tall and proud with his eyes closed, in the middle of the elevated floor surrounded by the four other slightly shorter Buddhas on each cardinal sides.

Lines of black tiles, rectangular and short with white paint engraved in kanjis, sat in rows and columns along ascending stairs that flanked beside the Buddhas closer to the wall, with bigger tiles reserving their spots closest to the statues. The big tiles soon transformed into framed photos with a tablet in front of it as you descended the stairs, with the most recent addition being the only one in colour.

The Hyuuga Shrine found in the northern part of the Hyuuga Compound is a homestead for the gods and the names of their ancestors and recently departed. While the Konoha cemetery was where most of their relatives would be buried, allocated under their appropriate place reserved for specific clans or among the fallen, this shrine was more so a safekeeping of their past, of their legacy, and of their tradition. The walls, though faint and dull from age, had traces of paintings of the Hyuuga clan's rich history and unique style of fighting, tracing all the way back to before the formation of Konoha as they know it today.

Rarely did Hinata come to the family shrine to pray, and rarely does she pray at all. She was unsure i f she truly believed in the gods that protected their family, and she was much more unsure of whether the spirits of her ancestors were truly watching over her. If anything, they were probably looking down at her with disappointment in their eyes and disapproving shakes of the head at how the heiress of the Hyuuga Clan turned out.

Poor Lord Hiashi, they were probably whispering amongst themselves. It was bad enough that he had no sons, but the eldest daughter is weak in nature! What will become of the Hyuuga clan at if Hinata were to remain heiress?

She only came to the shrine when she needed time alone and away from the entire compound, a place where she may talk freely to the air and without having to feel the weight of disappointment from the elders of her clan. Solace was found in the shrine that was hidden amongst the trees, away from prying ears and scrutinizing glances. Though, it was the limited access to the shrine that allowed the shrine to be almost always empty; this sanctuary is only allowed to be accessed by the lucky few that were born into the Main House of the clan.

The lucky few like herself.

Hinata wasn't fond of that rule, thought she was never fond of anything concerning the divide between the Main House and the Branch House. She was taught from a young age about the relationship between the houses from the elders that watched over her: the Main House was the brain of the clan, the most important organ that allowed all the knowledge and secrets hidden within this family to carry on throughout the generations, while the Branch House was the vessel that protected this important organ, working only as a reactionary mechanism of the Main House.

The Branch House's purpose in life, the reason they were born, was to protect the Main House from outsiders who sought to obtain the ultimate knowledge of the Hyuuga Clan, and inherently, want to obtain their prized kekkei genkai: the Byakugan.

But the shrine is a place for someone to seek solace and guidance in the gods, with the Buddhas being those who transcended into omnipotence, a teacher to all who wish to pursue their knowledge.

Why, then, should the Branch Family, who, despite only being seen as protectors of the Main Family, not be allowed to enter this shrine that praises the gods that guided the principles of their clan? Do they not carry the same clan name? If their sole duty is to protect the Main House, then they are in an equally honourable position as them; without the members of the Branch House, the Main House lineage would have to fend for themselves. They should have the right to seek solace, the same right as the Main House have to seek faith.

That’s what Hinata wished she could say.

But she knew that the house dynamic in the Hyuuga clan was much more complicated than that, running deep into the roots of their lineage. She knew it was a game of power, a game of authority. They were the Hyuuga clan, after all, and they were considered to be one of the most prestigious clans in Konoha, one of the four noble clans to actually found the village; control was a given to a clan as secretive and powerful as her own.

That’s why they performed that cruel technique that even the Hokage had to turn a blind eye to; to maintain power and control.

Maybe one day she could change the way the Hyuuga clan was. Maybe one day, the Main House would come to co-exist with the Branch House in a more equal way. But if she wanted to do any of that, she needed to be stronger than she is now.

And the only way to do that is to pass today’s test.

If you’re there, Mother, Hinata thought as her eyes returned back to the coloured image along the ancestral lineup. The woman in the photo, with deep blue hair that hung behind her shoulders with a few strands shaping her face and pale irises, looked back at her with a soft smile. Please give me the courage you had.

She took her white hoodie and backpack from the floor beside where she sat and put it on as she started to walk across the wooden floor towards the doors of the shrine. As she gets to the bottom of the stairs, she took one last breath of the incense scented room.

She had plenty of time to spare before heading out to the Hokage Rock, her usual morning practice session (or, as she liked to think of it, her usual morning torture session) with her father and grandfather was put on hold for the time being. But first she had to pick up her lunch from the kitchen- her grandmother was likely there to make sure Hinata would pack more than enough to eat, insistence that if she wanted to become stronger for the clan, she would build her body that way.

It was conflicting with what all her aunties would say. They would tell Hinata to cut down on the food, or else she would gain weight. Or worse , they would say when her grandmother mentions being stronger, you’d look like a guy with big muscles . It didn’t help that ever since she turned 10, for some reason, her waist had gotten wider and her chest was bigger than most girls her age. Luckily, the hoodie she had was not only useful for the cool January weather they have in Konoha, but also helped hide her body from judging eyes.

She crossed a short way into the main house found in the centre of the compound, trying to maintain her step as she crossed the floorboard that lined around the perimeter of the house. She kept her eyes glued to the ground whenever she could see an elder Hyuuga walking down the hall, trying to ignore them and save herself from an impending lecture.

As she entered the hallway towards the kitchen, Hinata turned the corner quickly, when she suddenly felt a sharp collision with someone that made her rebound back onto the floor.

Her face twisted slightly at the pain of her nose hitting against the other person’s shoulders, and she let out a small ‘ow’.

“Watch where you’re-” a sharp voice suddenly scolded her, before abruptly stopping. Hinata looked up towards the person she had just hit, and she could feel a slight sense of dread building up in her stomach.

“O-Oh,” Hinata managed to mumbled, as she scrambled to get herself up, not wanting to seem completely knocked out from what was a simple collision (even though her nose was still stinging). "Neji-niisan."

Her cousin stood before her in his usual shinobi garb of brown shorts and eggshell washed shirt, looking down at her from his slightly taller stature, his angular eyes narrowing. His headband with the Konoha symbol gleamed slightly when he tilted down, the metal rectangle being stitched onto a brown headband instead of the usual blue, with long buckles hanging from each of his temples and going past his shoulders.

Neji was her cousin through their fathers, his father Hizashi, who had passed away when she was too young to remember what had truly happened, being her father’s younger twin. He was Hinata's senior by only a year. He had graduated from the Academy and became a Genin during the previous year, yet he looked much older than the average 13 year old that he should be. It could be because of how hardened his face looked compared to a lot of kids around their age, making his face look sharper than it actually was. He balanced it out with his long brown hair, that flowed up till his waist as it would traditionally be grown by the men of the family, held by the end with a hairtie.

Hinata was often time envious of Neji. He was considered what a Hyuuga should be, disciplined and stoic, and efficient when it came to mastering the basic forms of their family’s fighting style, the Gentle Fist. She wished she had not only his natural gift of picking up skills with ease, but also his confidence and surety with every calculated strike he made- it would definitely make her life easier if she were that way.

That, and she wished she had his looks as well. She had heard the long running comments made by the women of the family; “ Hiashi’s eldest is cute and all, but Hizashi’s child is the prettiest out of all the cousins” and “I wish my daughter looked like Hizashi’s child”.

And most of the times, Hinata agreed with them.

“I’m sorry!” Hinata quickly exclaimed, feeling nervous by how his white pupils seemed to be looking into her soul. “Are you alright?”

She could see that he was trying not to show his scowl at her, but was proving to have difficulties when she saw the corners of his mouth twitch downwards, lines evident on his pale skin.The dread seeped in deeper, and she could feel her shoulders curl inwards, trying to make herself small under his gaze.

Neji never smiled at her.

He always frowned.

Even when Hinata was younger and tried to talk and play with him, Neji never smiled at her. He only forced out a reply here and there, and that’s only if her father was around.

“Lady Hinata,” Neji replied courtly, his tone much cooler than before, but he still glowered at her. “Please watch your step. You can hurt yourself by not being careful.”

“O-oh,” Hinata muttered as she glanced away, his piercing eyes making her nervous. “Okay. But are you-”

Before she could finish her sentence, Neji immediately walked past her with a quick step, turning the corner she came from without a single word, leaving Hinata alone.

“...hurt,” she finished in a whisper, the dread now turning into hurt at being dismissed this way.

She really did try her hardest to get to know Neji but to no avail. The young boy never seemed to want to talk to her, never mind be around her. If he was, it was only because Hinata couldn’t be left alone and needed someone from the Branch House to watch over her; and usually, Neji would be the prime candidate, handpicked by Hiashj, being the closest to her age compared to the other clansmen. It has always been this way, their relationship has always been rocky, but Hinata never understood why Neji always refrained from talking to them.

Were they not cousins before anything else? Was he not supposed to her older brother, the one she should seek guidance from?

What had she done to Neji, except be born into the Main House?

But at the same time, if she were him, would she not resent her as well?

Hinata didn’t have time to ruminate over what had just happened, and tried to push it down to the back of her mind, as she often does. She fixed the straps of her bag so it fit snug on her shoulder and continued to walk down the halls at a slower pace.

She got to the part of the complex where the faint sounds of pots clanking against one another and fresh fish and eggs sizzling on top a pan could be heard, and Hinata could feel her mouth salivating. She was just in time for a quick breakfast on the spot.

She slid the door with a gentle hand, revealing a pair of woman, both relatively young and wearing a white bandana across their forehead, swiftly shifted between the countertop and the stove. Another woman, middle aged with a few grey hairs, stood near a giant pot on top of a coal fire near the open doorway on the opposite side, letting the steam from the rice cooking waft out to the back court. An elderly woman with grey hair secured in a bun and slightly hunched shoulders shuffled along the countertop, a bento box sitting in front of her as she stuffed sliced vegetables inside.

"Lady Hinata," all three women acknowledged her as they did a bow to the young heiress. Hinata bowed to them, them being her aunties, even if they were apart of the Branch House - she was still raised to be respectful of her elders.

And even then, Hinata found that it was harder to maintain a separation of houses between the women of the Hyuuga clan- regardless of the house they belong to, and regardless of whether they are of a lower branch, it seems that often when the women and girls are together without the demeaning eye of men, there is not as big of a drift between them, save for maintaining standard titles protocols.

It didn't help that often times, marriage between the Main House and the extended Branch House. After all, her own grandmother, her father's mother, was from the Branch House, further along the line, and married her grandfather of the Main House. These marriages blurred the lines of formality at times.

Though, what the women lacked in standard house tensions tends to take the form of more personal grudges towards certain family members, from meager things like forgetting to return the favour to downright gossiping about an aloof relative over tea.

Ah, the benefits of having a large family.

While Hinata would try to avoid having a conversation with relatives (mostly because it causes her an existential crisis with their incessant questions and because she already had enough whispers about her), these three aunties were the ones she was most comfortable with. They were often the ones in the kitchen, the ones making the meals during the day for the entire clan; diplomacy was the least of their concern when they had to make copious amounts of food.

"Good morning, Aunties," Hinata replied in a soft tone, smiling as she stepped towards the elderly lady, to look at the contents of the bento box. She could feel her stomach churn at the amount of rice that was on the exposed layer, and that was just one of the two. "Grandmother, you know I can't eat that much food..."

"Nonsense," her grandmother said without looking at Hinata, her frail little body shaking as her hands closed the lid of the bento box. She started to fold the cloth, a baby blue cloth, around the box in a slow manner, the slight twitching of her hand with each tug worrying Hinata, but she didn't stop the woman from doing it. "You need all the energy you can get to become stronger. How would you bring honour to the Hyuuga name if you do not become a strong heir like your father, and his father before?"

Maybe I don't want to be the heir , Hinata wanted to say, but just smiled shyly, eyebrows pulling in. "I can be strong without eating a meal for two."

“Mother Homura," one of her aunt's with the white bandana started from the stove. "Lady Hinata does not need to eat more than she needs to. They won't put her on any taxing missions right away."

"Aunt Kayake's right, Grandmother," Hinata nodded along. "I'm just doing a test-"

"If it's the same type of testing they did with Hiashi, then you most definitely need more than this," Homura replied, her eyebrows, fine and grey, raising as she tried to turn her body to put the bento box back onto the table.

"N-no, it's alright!" Hinata took the box with both hands before Homura could set it down. She started to guide Homura towards a rocking chair in the corner of the kitchen, where a tea set has already been placed on top of a table nearby. "This is enough! Thank you."

"Have they already assigned your team?" the woman stirring the pot of rice, her Aunt Suzume, distantly related to Hinata as is Kayake, started, drawing Hinata’s attention towards her after she allowed Homura to take a seat.

"Yes, we were assigned to them yesterday," Hinata said, unraveling her grandmother's hands to hold onto the bento box in the blue cloth. "I have been placed on a team with Kiba Inuzuka and Shino Aburame."

"An Inuzuka?" The other woman with the bandana, Kayake's younger sister and Hinata's Aunt Mitsu, giggled. She continued to slice open the shrimps from their shells on a cutting board, placing them in a separate bowl. Mitsu leaned forward slightly towards the other three woman, keeping her voice low so that only Homura, with her age causing her poor hearing, could not hear.“The Inuzuka men are quite rugged, don’t you think?”

“Mitsu, we do not care for your love affairs,” Kayake waved her sister’s comment off, returning her attention to the stove, but Suzume’s face contorted in a frantic frown.

“Mitsu! Do not plant such ideas in Lady Hinata’s mind!” Suzume scolded her with a hiss, lifting the rice paddle from the pot, waving it slightly as if she were about to hit Mitsu with it. Hinata could feel her neck start to flush slightly as it started to reach her cheeks at her implications. “She is still a child!”

“Tell me, Hinata,” Mitsu ignored them and ushered Hinata to come closer. The young heiress gravitated towards them. “What are your teammates like?”

“They’re…” Hinata started, hesitating slightly about the words she could use. How were her teammates like?

She was apprehensive of being placed on Team 8, and she was sure Shino and Kiba were too. She saw how Kiba’s friends, the two boys and the girl he always sat next to, snickered and whispered amongst themselves when they heard Hinata and Shino's name, and something about them being 'weirdos'.

Hinata wasn't surprised by their words. She knows that, compared to the rest of her classmates, she was off. Painfully shy and quieter than a mouse, Hinata was a stark contrast to what the usual kid her age was like. Her mannerisms, her voice, hell, even her looks, made her a wallflower, a pale white wallpaper that people know is there, but never bothered to be looked at. Only her blood made her truly visible. The only times that people willingly engaged with her is when her family's name is mentioned during a lecture, in which all the kids would turn over to wherever she was sitting to look at her, to see her reaction.

Most of the time, she would look away.

She didn't like looking at people. She didn't like making eye contact.

She felt it was too heavy, too intimate, too much for her soul to handle. She feels like people try to analyze too much of what she says, trying to reach into her soul, trying to unlock the pandora box that is her emotions.

And she didn't like that.

That's why she liked Shino a lot. She knew they would get along well, he was equally as quiet as her, though he was by no means shy. If yesterday's team meeting probed anything, it was that Shino Aburame was vocal, raising himself as an equal to whoever he spoke to. But he respected their space, respected Hinata's space, not looking at her unless she initiated (though, it could be because his glasses made it hard for her to see his irises, making her feel at ease).

Kiba on the other hand, she wasn't sure what to say. He was on the opposite spectrum to her, being outgoing and rowdy with his ways, and the confidence he exudated made Hinata envious. She didn't mind loud people- she found them fascinating and admirable.

But he was also subtly witty, something that she didn't think she would describe the Inuzuka as. Usually he is vocal about how he feels, calling someone out on their nonsense without a second thought, but yesterday showed her that there was more to him than meets the eye.

She had to admit thought; while envious of Kiba's personality, she was incredibly intimidated by him. It's not as if she didn't see his bad side, when he would dive head first into a fight against another kid if they talked smack about him to his face, his fists brimming purple with bruises and face speckled with blood. And he always came out victorious with a grin on his face, and Iruka-sensei fuming as he had to drag him off of the poor kid who tried to get a rise out of him, only to be crying on the ground with a bloody nose.

Just remembering it sent chills down her spine.

She definitely did not want to get on his bad side.

"They're nice," she said, fidgeting with the bento box as she glanced away, the way Mitsu looked at her with anticipation making her nervous. "A-and, they're very interesting."

"Interesting in what way?"

"U-uh-"

"Mitsu, you'll get in trouble if Lord Hiashi hears what you insinuate," Kayake warned her sister with a weary look towards Homura, but the old woman barely heeded their words, enjoying a cup of tea as she swayed slightly in the rocking chair.

Mitsu giggled at her words and straightening herself, before continued slicing the shrimp's shell in her hand. "Can't I ask the young heiress about these things? It's not like they won't ask her about it later."

Hinata could feel herself blush at her aunt's notion.

There was someone that she admired in her life...but she was not going to disclose that to them, not until the entirety of hell freezes over.

"Do that when it is time to do so," Suzume scoffed. "Knowing Lord Hiashi, however, it would be a long process."

I hope it doesn't happen anytime soon, Hinata thought, biting the bottom of her lips slightly. Talks of marriage and whatnot were not her main concern- perhaps one day, but right now, she had more things to worry about than her supposed betrothal.

"Isn't it interesting though," Kayake suddenly started after a pause, turning back to look at towards the two other women and Hinata. "That they always put an Aburame, an Inuzuka, and a Hyuuga on the same team whenever the graduating class had all three?"

To this, Hinata's eyebrows raised slightly. Her words were too precise not to ignore. "A-always? Who was apart of the last of this group formation?"

All three women looked at one another when Hinata asked her question, their faces suddenly become weary, and Hinata could feel the room fall still all of the sudden. She glanced between them, not knowing what to do, and suddenly felt like becoming very small to hide herself, not knowing what had warranted this tenseness.

"Lord Hiashi hasn't told you yet?" Suzume asked in a suddenly low tone, hushed as if she didn't want anyone else to hear. When Hinata nodded, she glanced around for a second, her eyes flitting cautiously towards the door, before landing back on Hinata. "Well...it doesn't hurt to know but...the last time they had a Aburame-Inuzuka-Hyuuga team was with-"

They suddenly heard the tatami door wiggle a bit and abruptly stopped talking, waiting for the person to reveal themselves.

“Lord Hiashi,” all the women in the kitchen said in unison as they bowed, and Hinata turned around towards the tatami door, a tall man in a deep blue yukata and a darker grey jacket standing between the frame.

Her father had his usual stoic face, his eyebrows naturally arched to look like he was frowning most of the times and his mouth in a straight line. He gave an acknowledged bow to Hinata’s grandmother, his mother, before looking over to Hinata.

“G-good morning, Father,” Hinata quickly whispered with a slight bow of her head, gripping the sides of her lunch box. Hiashi stared at Hinata for a moment, as if analyzing what he saw, trying to pick out any sort of flaw in how she appeared.

“Today is your final test, is it not?” Hiashi asked in an even tone, never breaking eye contact from Hinata, who glanced away towards the lines of the floorboard. “Why are you still here? And look at me when I speak to you.”

“Yes!” she squeaked at how much sharper his tone became, and straightened her gaze. “I just had more time left so...so I thought I could take my time today.”

Hiashi narrowed his eyes.

“ Heedfulness is the path to the Deathless. Heedlessness is the path to death. The heedful do not die. The heedless are as if already dead* .” Hiashi quoted the proverb from ancient scriptures without missing a beat, and Hinata could see the frown lines deepening on his tanned face. “If you were going to mindlessly be on the compound this whole time, then you could have been practicing your forms. Your sister has already mastered all of the basic forms; you have yet to perform them efficiently.”

“I-I,” Hinata started, now feeling her neck burning in embarrassment of being put on the spot in this way, but she couldn’t finish her sentence, feeling the heat rising to her face.

“Mother,” Hiashi turned his attention towards her grandmother, who had simply been keeping her mouth closed as Hiashi gave Hinata the third degree. “Hinata is grown and she can make her own meals. You’re spoiling her by making her lunch.”

“Hiashi,” Homura said with a slight hum to her voice, soft and slow, as she started to sway lightly on the chair. "If you believe this to be true, then you should make your own tempura from now on, do you not think so?"

To this, Hiashi eyes slightly widened in hesitation for only a split second, but he quickly fixed himself back to neutrality. Hinata had to stifle her laugh, and she looked down to hide the amused smile she couldn't suppress.

Leave it to Homura to be as eloquently blunt as her son.

"That is not the same," Hiashi replied coolly. "The food you make is for the entire family."

"Tempura is usually reserved for dinners," Homura said as equally calm. "But you still insist on eating it for breakfast as well. You should eat better; you're a grown man."

Hinata could see her father's jaws clenching, muscle along his jawline flexing- being told off by one's mother in front of an audience was not on the top of every clan leader's to do lists.

"Hinata." His eyes returned to her, and she quickly kept her lips in a line. "It is best if you left for your test. You don't want to keep your team waiting for you."

I didn't even eat breakfast, Hinata thought, but refused to say this outloud. She didn't want to be scolded anymore than she needed to be. "Yes."

“Do not be a burden to your teammate,” Hiashi said courtly, before stepping aside to let Hinata walk through the open doorway.

Hinata gritted her teeth, feeling her throat suddenly lodged with emotion, but she kept it to herself. She nodded, and quickly exited the kitchen, giving a quick bow to her grandmother before she made her way towards the courtyard to leave the compound.

I won’t burden anyone, Hinata thought as she inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying her best to maintain her confidence, but she could already feel the tips of her eyes started to sting with tears. I promise, I won’t burden anyone.

----

When Hinata made it to the top of the Hokage Rock, she was surprised to see that Shino was the only one there, waiting underneath a tree. She glanced up to the sky, the morning sun bearing white in the east slightly above the horizon. It was nearly time for their test, she could tell, but where could their sensei and Kiba be?

She wasn't sure where Shino was looking at, his dark frames shading his eyes from anyone to see, but from the way his face tilted down, she could tell she was looking at the ground with intent.

Should I call out to him? She thought, ready to raise her hand to wave towards him, but hesitated slightly. No, he looks busy...I don't want to disturb him. But, then again, I should ask him where everyone else is...

Hinata continued this debate on whether she should call out to Shino or walk up to him as she crossed clearing, but she wasn't given the opportunity to think it through. All of the sudden, she heard a high pitched bark becoming louder from the trail she just walked on, and a voice yelling, "Akamaru! Wait up buddy!"

She knew who it was immediately, and spun on her heels to look behind her. Unfortunately, she was not prepared for the small flash of white coming towards her at full speed, already a metre away from her.

Hinata didn't have time to react, and she wasn't sure whether she could or not- by the time she blinked, the flash of white had jumped up towards her and hit her chest, pushing her backwards and making her land on her behind, before laying flat on her back.

Talk about a double whammy. This is the second time she was sent flying onto her back. Her tailbone was starting to hurt a bit. It didn't help that she had her backpack on during the fall, and had placed her bento box inside, making the impact harder against her lower back when she fell, the side of the bento box digging into her sharply.

Hinata blacked out for a few seconds, eyes closed in shock and her ears momentarily blanking. When she slowly opened her eyes, she was greeted by a little brown nose against hers and the sound of slight panting.

Her eyes started to take in everything beyond the nose, seeing it attached to a white puppy with long, floppy ears and small, brown eyes that looked at her with excitement. The puppy barked at her once, and she could feel a thump thump thump on her abdomen, his tail wagging happily.

"H-hello...Akamaru," Hinata managed to say in a soft voice, remembering the puppy's name from how Kiba had introduced him as yesterday. This only made Akamaru even more excited because he barked a few times and his tail wagged faster, before he gave Hinata's cheek a little lick.

Hinata could feel her heart soar at this little gesture by the puppy. Is this what feeling wanted is like?

"Akamaru!" Kiba's voice exclaimed as he ran up towards Hinata, who was still being licked by the puppy. "Get off of her! Sit!"

Akamaru did as he was told with a slight whine, and hopped off of Hinata's chest, sitting down beside her as he looked expectantly at Kiba. Hinata managed to prop herself up with her elbows, lifting her back up into a sitting position. She glanced up to see Kiba standing near her feet, both hands on his hips as he gave Akamaru a disapproving look.

Hinata could feel her heart start beating fast while looking at her now teammate; he was much more intimidating from where she was sitting, narrow eyes shifting around with a frown on his face. Kiba had always scared her slightly, with his red markings making him look like a warrior on his way to a battleground, and the way his eyebrows, sharp and fierce, made his narrow eyes look even more piercing. She was half ready to apologize, but then she saw his frown disappear as he softened his look, now looking at Hinata with...was it concern?

"Sorry about that," Kiba said, almost in a mumble, and Hinata could see that his cheeks flushed pink suddenly, as if embarrassed. "I swear, he's usually better behaved than this."

"It's okay," Hinata replied softly, and Akamaru barked at Hinata, taking a step closer.

"What d'ya think you were doing, Akamaru?" Kiba looked at Akamaru with a stern look, his arms crossing over, eyebrows pulled in. The puppy stopped in his tracks and looked up to his owner, his dog wagging in the air.

"Arf! Arf!"

"So what? You could've hurt Hinata!"

"Arf! Arf, arf, arf!"

"I don't want to hear it," Kiba huffed. "Now sit and think about what you did! You're not getting any treats until you obey!"

Akamaru let out a whining sound, his happy demeanor dropping as his tail stopped wagging, his eyes looking back at Kiba big and glistening in woe. When Kiba raised an eyebrow at Akamaru, waiting for the puppy to continue, Akamaru stopped his attempt at persuading Kiba to let him be and he laid down on his stomach sadly, a whine emitting from his throat.

"...you need a hand?" Kiba asked after a moment when Akamaru settled down.

Hinata, meanwhile, was preoccupied staring between him and Akamaru in awe, watching them have a conversation she couldn't understand, only going by Kiba's words. What kind of technique helped you communicate with animals? She knew about shinobi being able to summon animals for their services, forming a blood pact between the master and the animal, but she often heard of summoning animals being able to speak in their tongue.

When she noticed Kiba's hand reaching out towards her, she looked at him for a split second, feeling less intimidated by her new teammate. Should she accept his aid?

I won't be a burden, she reminded herself, while shaking her head lightly. I won't be coddled.

"N-no," she said quickly, her inflection making her voice crack, and she stood up, brushing her behind while doing so. She added in a much more normal rhythm, "Thank you, t-though."

"Hinata, are you hurt?" a low, monotone voice suddenly said behind her. She nearly jumped by how close the voice, low and soft, was, but she stopped herself from doing so upon recognition, and turned around towards the source.

"I-I'm not," Hinata said with a slight smile, tilting her head up to look at Shino, him being taller than she, even with her sandals. She placed her arms slightly in front of her, refraining from showing any signs of pain from her back. "I'm fine."

Shino stood by with his hands in his coat pocket, half his face still being hidden the collar, not saying anything for a moment. Hinata couldn't tell where he was looking, but from the way his arched eyebrows pulled in slightly, she assumed she was looking at Kiba. He softened his face again quickly, as if realising that they were staring at him.

"Did something break in your bag?" Shino asked smoothly, without moving whatsoever. He paused again for a split second, before continuing, "Because I heard a crack when you fell."

"Oh!" Hinata exclaimed in a light voice, swinging her bag around in front of her quickly, remembering her poor bento box that she had inside. She opened her bag and peered inside and…

"Oh no," Hinata moaned as she looked at what was supposed to be her lunch. The rice, vegetables, everything was outside of the bento box, scattered everywhere and she could see the box has a slight fissure along the side, likely due to her landing.

"My l-lunch," Hinata mumbled, and she could feel her stomach churn at the sight of food being spoiled. She really should have eaten something before leaving.

Shino leaned over slightly, head barely moving downwards but Hinata could tell he was looking into her bag. He stood there motionless for a moment, before tilting his head slightly on the side, looking beyond Hinata.

"Can't you keep your dog on a leash?" Shino said suddenly, his voice low and a bit forceful, inflecting slightly at the end as if unsure how to end the sentence.

Hinata could feel a shift in the atmosphere amongst them at Shino's words, and she stared at him wide eyes before looking over at Kiba. Kiba stared at him for a split second, eyes blinking at Shino, before his eyebrows pulled in quickly, jaw clenching, when their teammate's words were finally processed in their minds.

"What did you say?"

"I said 'can't you keep your dog on a leash'," Shino repeated in an equal tone. The atmosphere was tense as they stared at each other, and Hinata took a slight step back, not wanting to be caught in between, fidgeting with her fingers slightly.

"His name is Akamaru, " Kiba replied sharply, his words punctuated with a slightly louder tone, and Hinata could see the flame of anger spark in his eyes as he glared at Shino. "And Akamaru isn't some pet I can put on a leash. Like how you don't put your bugs in a container ."

"We're talking about Akamaru, not my insects," Shino replied stiffly. "Maybe you should train him to listen to you more before using him on our mission. Because it looks like he doesn't even obey simple commands."

"Arf!" Akamaru barked lightly, looking between the two of them, but Kiba ignored him.

"She said she was fine, didn't she? It wasn't like he was attacking her- and besides, you don't need to tell me what I should do with my ninken!"

They had an important test that would determine whether they could become Shinobi, why were they having an argument at this very moment?

Hinata wasn't sure what to do with herself at that moment, finding herself hesitating to even look at either of the boys, fearing they might explode into an altercation if she dared to see. Should she stop them from arguing? How would she even stop them? What if they start getting into a fight? Would she be able to stop them? No way.

She was too weak, too cowardly, no way would she be able to stop a fight.

"U-uh, guys," Hinata started, but her voice barely came out, a light airy tone that was easily overpowered by Kiba's voice.

"What's your problem with me, huh?" Kiba started, suddenly taking a step forward passing Hinata to stand directly in front of Shino, his fists clenching. "If you got something you want to say about me, then say it to my face!"

"I have nothing to say to you," Shino replied. "I was talking about your dog."

"If you have a problem with Akamaru , then you have a problem with me ," Kiba said, his voice filled with venom as he looked up to Shino, who didn't flinch in the slightest. "Yesterday you had a lot to say- why are you acting all mute now?"

They stood there for a moment, neither of them moving. Akamaru let out a slight whine, and shuffled closer to Hinata's leg, as if seeking some sort of comfort, but she couldn’t move. The pressure in the atmosphere is making her head tense up with adrenaline, and Hinata could feel her forehead starting to scrunch up. She couldn’t activate the Byakugan, not now, no, and she tried to focus by glancing between them, waiting for someone to say something.

Shino was the first to break the silence.

"If you don't know how to use him, then you shouldn't have brought him today," Shino said slowly and dully, as if talking to a child who didn't understand what he did wrong. "It would only hold us back. This test is important and we can't jeopardize our chances."

Kiba gritted his teeth, and Hinata could see his fists started to clench.

Oh no.

Was he going to swing at him? She shifted her legs slightly apart, ready to intervene, but she could barely move otherwise.

Before Kiba could move, the wind started to pick up pace around them, swirling in front of the trio and forcing them to plant their feet on the ground and concentrate on not being blown away. Hinata could see the leaves from the trees nearby creating a sparse tornado as a sudden figure appeared in the middle of the vortex.

“K-Kurenai-sensei,” Hinata mumbled as she watched with wide eyes as the leaves settled around the figure, revealing their long black hair and deep red outfit.

"Looks like everyone came here on time,” Kurenai looked between them with a nonchalant smile. “I was going to give you guys some time together, but it looks like something was happening. Is everything alright?”

Kiba unclenched his fists and placed them in his hoodie pockets, balling them up inside. He gave a dejected, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

She glanced over to Shino, who didn’t say anything and was looking away from her, before her eyes landed on Hinata. Hinata felt flustered and started to glance away, her nerves getting the best of her as red eyes scanned over her, waiting to see if she had anything to say.

"Y-yes," Hinata said, still glancing away. "All fine."

"Alright then," Kurenai replied after giving them another questionable look, and she reached into her dress pocket and pulled out what appeared to be a small clock. "Since everyone is here, we can get started with the test. Gather around."

All three of them obeyed and followed Kurenai as she walked towards a wooden picnic table underneath a tree nearby. After leaving their bags on the table, they formed a semi circle around Kurenai, with Hinata standing between Kiba and Shino as Akamaru rejoined his master by his side with a few little bounds off his small paws. It took a good amount of self-restraint for Hinata to not look at the puppy and coo at how cute he looked as he sat down, his tail waving around slowly as he waited for Kurenai to speak.

"Since this is my first time having a Genin team, I decided that this test would be much easier that I had originally planned,” Kurenai started, her gaze resting on them as she spoke. “Your test will be…”

There was a fraction of pause in her sentence, and Hinata could feel the anticipation in the air as they hung over her every word. What was the test going to be? Are they going to have to prove their worth by winning a match? Would have to fight each other?

Or worse; would they have to win a fight against Kurenai?

Hinata gripped a string of her hoodie, her hand already placed over her chest while she was standing and listening to Kurenai talk, and she swallowed.

“A little game of hide and seek tag," Kurenai said, and Hinata could have sworn there was a flash of amusement on her face. "With a little added twist of capture the flag. Sounds fun, right?"

Hinata glanced over to her teammates, and she could see Kiba shift his eyes around to them as well, apprehensive and wary about her intentions.

"You've played those games before, haven't you?" Kurenai asked with a slight quirk of her fine brow, looking between them as they stared silently back, uncertainty in the atmosphere.

"We have," Shino responded for the group. "As children, though. "

Hinata noticed the slight hesitation in Kurenai at his words, her lips pursing slightly, but it left as quickly as it came. She smiled instead, and continued in a much softer voice, "Then you should already know the rules. But there are a few things I added and changed for this test."

She held a hand up and placed a finger onto the metal plate of her red headband, right beside the Konoha symbol edged deep. She tapped it with the tip of her deep red nails.

"This headband right here is the flag,” she said in the same tone. “The goal of this test is to get this headband off of my forehead."

Hinata felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and worry building up in her stomach at Kurenai's words, and her eyebrows refused to relax from the frown. This doesn't sound like a hard task, but considering that this is a Jonin they were facing, only a rank below the Hokage, makes this little task...well...much more difficult than anything they had ever gone through before.

From her ranking, and from what Hinata remembered from the previous day, she knew Kurenai's strongest skill was in the realm of Genjutsu. Genjutsu in itself was such a vast field, limited only by the users' own unbrittled imagination. It is the art of illusion, after all, preying on the senses of your opponents by affecting the specific parts of the brain in order to make them believe that the illusion are true, making them vulnerable to experience things that are not happening in the physical world. Unlike Ninjutsu, though, it was much harder to control, with the user having to be able to control their chakra as well as being able to come up with a way to reach the opponents senses, those being five more extra things to worry about, unlike the other ninja arts.

The expanse of Genjutsu was not taught during their Academy years, instead focusing on Ninjutsu and Taijutsu to prepare them as shinobi. The only Genjutsu they had to learn was the Clone Illusion Jutsu, but even that D-level jutsu was incredibly hard to master, taking many a year to make at least one competent clone illusion.

Even Iruka rarely employed that technique during the mock battles he would have with another teacher, opting for the easier Ninjustu, Clone Jutsu , telling them that clones are better used to distract the enemy and less taxing for them to control.

"Okay," Kiba replied slowly, eyebrows furrowing slightly. "What's the hide and seek part for?"

“That’s the fun part," Kurenai replied. “Like a usual game of hide and seek, I'll hide around the Village with the flag, and you three would have to find me in order to capture the flag. I’ve decided to make it easier, though, since this is the first time I’m doing this test. The only places I’ll hide is on the Hokage Rock or the training grounds. Nowhere else in the Village."

A game of capture the flag that required them to find the flag in a pretty expanded area ...

This was definitely not an easy task, but it was definitely not a hard one. They’ve played these kind of games in the Academy, in the form of a treasure hunt in the middle of one of their training grounds in order to utilize their survival skills for a few hours, but it was limited to a certain area and one target. That, and they usually had a much more obvious trail to lead them on the right path.

It was clear to Hinata as why Kurenai set up the test in the way she did. She must have read their datasheets when they were first assigned to her: with Kiba hailing from the Inuzuka clan and having a keen sense of smell, and Hinata having the Byakugan that allowed her heightened sight, this test was to see how they would do in tracking a target. Hinata wasn’t sure exactly how Shino fit into the team, but she knew he was extremely perceptive, more so than she was, even without her clan’s abilities.

Hinata felt like she should have an advantage for this task, with her Byakugan and all, but she still had an immature grasp of the skill. It was taxing to control, and took up a good amount of her strength to maintain; even with all those years of training, she couldn’t understand how to control it efficiently.

And that’s what worries her the most.

She should have an advantage, but this advantage was easily be a disadvantage.

"That's it?" Kiba said, a smirk growing on his face. "That makes this too easy!"

"There’s three extra rules, though,” Kurenai added as she smiled at Kiba's enthusiasm, as she held up the clock. “The first one is the time limit. I’m only giving you exactly five hours from when we start to find me. I’ll leave the timer here.”

“Would that be wise?’ Shino suddenly asked. Hinata looked at him questionably, as did everyone else, and it took him a minute to continue his though. “It’s possible that one of us could change the clock, and give us the advantage of having extra time."

“Good point Shino, but this is mostly for you three,” Kurenai said. “I don’t need a clock to tell time. Besides, if one of you touch this clock, it would self implode. You could try it yourselves if you don’t believe me though.”

Hinata gulped as she stared at the clock in her hand as it sat on the table. No way is she going anywhere near that.

“This leads me to the second rule. If none of you get the headband before the designated five hours, then you all will fail the test and be sent back to the Academy.”

That made sense. This was like a final exam, it made sense for her to be this strict on them.

"The last thing is the most crucial part, so listen carefully," Kurenai continued. "The reason why the Academy decided to put you in a team because each of you possessed the abilities to become impeccable trackers.”

"But after meeting all of you yesterday, I gave it some thought," she said slowly. "I figured that there's no point in having all three of you become Genin when we could use the person with the best tracking skills so far. Therefore, the first person to find me and capture the flag will become a Genin. The other two will return to the Academy."

“Wha-” Hinata muttered in shock, taken aback by her words, her fist clenching tighter on her chest.

"Are you even allowed to do that?" Kiba asked. "There must have been a reason to put us all together like this!"

"Yes, there must have been. But at the end of the day, I'm the one who has to teach and guide you to becoming a remarkable shinobi during your time as a Genin," Kurenai emphasized. "The Academy doesn't have control over who passes here on out- but I do. And I have decided that whoever is the most capable gets to be Genin."

That’s not fair, Hinata wanted to say, but she held her tongue, realizing the stupidity in her thought. The ninja world is never fair to begin with; so why would this testing be?

"Remember you only have 5 hours," Kurenai said as she hit the button on the clock. The clock hand started to tick, and Hinata instinctively took a shuriken from the blue holster around her leg, readying herself. “Do you have any more questions?’

"Do we need to give you time to hide or-" Kiba started, his question tapering off as he took a stance, readying himself for Kurenai to move. Hinata’s eyes never left her sensei, who simply smiled at them.

"There's no need," she said as the wind suddenly picked up pace around her, the grass around her twirling at a rapid pace. "The real me is hiding already. This…"

Hinata’s eyes widened as Kurenai’s legs started to blend into the background, fading away and being replaced by pink petals. Her body morphed against the gradience, rising up to her body as more petals fell, as she watched in amusement with how taken aback they were.

"Was all a genjutsu."

Her face faded as an echo in their minds, and the wind stood still as the last petal from the top of her head fell to the ground on top of the rest. The three of them stood still, none of them knowing what to do for a split second.

Shino was the first to move, taking a step forward towards the stacks of flower petals.

“Hey, wait,” Kiba started as Shino squatted down, holding one of the petals between his thumb and index finger, carefully surveying. “What are you doing?”

“Checking if this is real or not,” Shino said. “It could be useful to track her down.”

“Whoa, don’t hog the whole thing to yourself!” Kiba exclaimed as he ran towards Shino, Akamaru barking as he ran behind Kiba.

Hinata snapped out of her faze and found control over her feet, trailing behind Shino, unsure of what to do.

“You got her scent?” Kiba asked Akamaru, who let out a bark. Hinata could see Kiba’s nose move a bit as he inhaled sharply, moving his head around until he set towards east to where they were standing facing the other side of Konoha. “Alright. We got this. Let’s go Akamaru!”

“Hold on,” Shino said suddenly, making Kiba halt in his spot, and turn around quickly.

“There’s no ‘hold on’,” Kiba said, crossing his arms as he frowned. “This is a test and only one of us can pass.”

“That’s why I said hold on,” Shino continued. “There’s something weird about it.”

“And?” The Inuzuka asked sharply, his patience running thinner by the second. “What about it.”

“Listen,” Shino replied equally as fast. “It’s weird because her reasoning for only passing one of us is incredibly vague. Don’t you find it strange that they would go through the trouble of putting us in specific teams only for one of us to pass?”

Kiba grimaced, staring at Shino for moment, as if conflicted with his words. He then replied, slight hesitancy in his voice,“It...It doesn’t matter who I’m with. Even if I weren’t with you guys, I’m pretty sure the rules would be the same.”

Hinata felt a slight pang in her chest when he said those words, the bitterness seeping through like tea through a filter. She had to grit her teeth to refrain from being too hurt.

“Besides, she said it herself,” he continued as he started to turn his back towards them. “She’s in charge of us. There’s nothing stopping her from booting us back to the Academy. And there’s no way I’m going back there.”

“Kiba,” Hinata tried to start, but she couldn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t know what to say.

An uneasy silence fell over them.

“She’s headed towards Training Ground 1,” Kiba suddenly said in a quiet tone, never turning back to look at them. He tilted his head down, and said “Let’s go, Akamaru.”

With a bark of agreement from the puppy, he sped off at full speed, towards the direction of the training ground he mentioned, the one closest to the Hokage Rock and filled with hills and forest near the wall that encompasses Konoha.

That’s one of the larger ones , Hinata thought, as she stood there, trying to gather her thoughts. She could see from the corner of her eyes Shino looking at her, not saying anything, as if waiting for her to move.

Her gut was telling her the same thing that Shino was doubting; the reason for only one of them felt too vague, as if Kurenai wanted them to break that rule. Sure, they all have skills for tracking, but there’s something more to it than that.

But no, that wouldn’t make sense; she was very clear that she only wanted one. Why would she deceive them into believing a fake rule? Was Hinata thinking too hard into this?

“He’s right,” Hinata said when she made her decision, and she glanced up towards Shino. She looked directly at his glasses, dark enough to cover his eyes under the sun in the atmosphere, and maintained. “Even if we all work together, only one of us can pass.”

“Hinata-” Shino started, but stopped abruptly. He just stared at her in silence for a moment, and Hinata couldn’t tell what he was thinking, or even why she was standing there to begin with.

“I’ll see you there, Shino,” Hinata offered softly, and she started to run off towards the direction, focusing her chakra towards her legs to help them pick up her pace.

I won’t be a burden to myself, Hinata thought, a new sense of determination swelling in her stomach. I can take care of myself.

Can I?

#home is where my team is #naruto #team 8 #hinata #shino #kiba #naruhina #homeiswheremyteamis

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ampleappleamble · 3 years

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— His voice echoed in her mind still. The entrance to the catacombs was exactly where the apparition in the burnt temple had said it would be– tucked away in an inconspicuous corner of Copperlane, unguarded and easily accessible to those who knew what they were looking for. But as she stood before the humble stone archway, steeling herself for the ordeal to come, Axa had suddenly found herself swept away from the here and now into a memory from another time, another life– –It was her turn, at last. He smiled at her approach, warm and fatherly. "You are from Creitum, my dear?" "I am, Your Eminence." She smiled back, bashful and slightly starstruck. This was an honor, she reminded herself, an immense honor for such worthless caitiff as herself. "I was born and raised in Creitum." His smile broadened–

Axa had never heard of any city called Creitum, but she had heard the name, had heard him ask her that same question before. In dreams, in memories hidden deep within her soul. "Axa? Y' okay?" She felt Edér's hands gripping her shoulders as the vision faded away, ready to prop her up should she need him to. She had wavered, but she had not fallen. Her little hand found his, squeezed it gently as she smiled up into the bearded man's face. "Yes, Edér, I'll be... I'm fine. Thank you. Let's just get this over with–" –"A fine city, one of the very finest we have encountered outside of our own. Creitum has produced many strong, principled women and men who have heard the call of the gods and answered that call with reverence and devotion, determined to spread the truth of Their word." He laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder, his smile as warm and nurturing as the sun, and she felt her heart swell with respect and adoration for him, for the gods who had lead her here. "And how did it come to pass that you should hear Their call, my child?" She had hoped, before, that he might not ask about her previous life, pathetic and meaningless as it had been. But now beneath his benevolent gaze, her answer came easily– The vision replayed itself over and over in her mind, even as she knelt before the dead man just beyond the bottom of the entrance stairs. The essence still clinging to his rapidly cooling body had revealed to Axa that, for better or for worse, they'd come to the right place to find the Leaden Key. Axa heard Itumaak growl behind her, heard Edér and Pallegina draw their weapons and Kana start chanting. She whipped around just in time to see the troll lumbering out of the shadows at them, flanked by black oozes that undulated grotesquely in the torchlight. There was no turning back now– –"I suffered through... troubled times in my youth, Your Eminence. Dark times." She was surprised at how easy it was to admit now, how the shame and sorrow that had seemed heavy enough to crush her before now slipped from her shoulders like an old shawl as she spoke. "I was lost, adrift in a meaningless world without light, without hope. Nothing made sense. But that all changed when your order brought the word of the true gods to us." He nodded sagely, his grip briefly tightening on her shoulder– "Gee back, ye clods! These hooded fiends is nae t' be trusted!" Aloth's hand shot out to grab her by the shoulder, but Axa spun on him instead, eyes wide with alarm, surprising him just enough to allow him to regain control. Strong hands seized him then, shook him roughly as he coughed and stumbled. "Postenago, what are you doing? You will give away our position!" Pallegina's golden eyes narrowed to slits in her anger, baring her teeth as she hissed at the trembling elf. He opened his mouth to stammer an apology, an excuse, anything to get the Godlike to ease off, but Axa beat him to it. "It's alright, Pallegina, he didn't do it on purpose. He can't–" She glanced at Aloth's face, winced, continued– "he can't help it." To her surprise, he didn't look betrayed or even angry with her for spilling his secret. He simply lowered his gaze to his feet, apologized again, hugged his cloak tightly around himself as Kana gently ushered him off to the side of the damp, earthy passageway to sit and collect himself. "Forgive me, I... I don't know what came over me." He smoothed his hair back with shaking hands, eyes rimmed red and watery. "But... when we're finished here, I–" "When we're finished here," Sagani snapped, "you're going to have some explaining to do, I wager." The little huntress regarded him with that mix of righteous anger and genuine concern that only a parent could truly master, hands planted squarely on her hips. "Until then: Watcher, you've a job to do. And by the sounds of it, you've not much time to do it in." She thrust her chin at the door at the end of the corridor, voices behind it rising to a crescendo before coming to an abrupt halt. Axa nodded, pulled on the itchy, stifling hood and mask– –"I see. Indeed, very little makes sense taken in the context of the falsehoods under which so many innocent lives have labored for so long. Too long." His kind, gentle smile had been warped by pity into a rictus grave and sorrowful, and she feared for a moment that her words might have actually caused him pain, somehow. But the smile slowly returned as he continued speaking, like storm clouds breaking and drifting apart to once again reveal the beauty and power of the sun. "It is by the mercy of the gods alone– praise be to Them!– that we have been permitted to bear the torch of Their divine truth to these distant shores, to enlighten so many of the lost and heathen in these chaotic times." His hand tightened on her shoulder again, and the tears she had not even known were there spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks. He brushed them away with the back of one finger, showing her such compassion as she had never known in her old life. "Are you ready, initiate? Are you ready to take the oath, to devote yourself body, mind, and soul to spreading the word of the gods? To bring to the ignorant the light of the truth?" She found the courage to look into his eyes at last, and in them she saw salvation. Finally, she was saved. And in turn, she would help the order to save them all. "I am–" "State your name and purpose." Axa was not able to tell if the masked woman was speaking to her with her voice or with her mind alone. But neither had she the luxury of dwelling on such minutiae. "My name belongs to the gods, and my hand to their service." She had never been a particularly devout woman, but somehow the words felt familiar as they left her mouth. As though she had not learned them mere moments ago from some fidgeting neophyte, but had always known them, deep in her soul. "What company do you seek?" A vision of her friends outside flashed before her mind, the five of them huddled together in the little hallway, nervously awaiting her return. She pushed the thought away as quickly as her wits would allow. "I seek the company of shadows, that our labors may remain secret." Secrets and shadows seemed to dominate her life ever since coming to the Dyrwood, that much was certain. Ever since that night, the bîaŵac, the machine– "Tell me of your labors." She had yet to fully recover from the day's efforts, her body still aching from physical exertion, her nerves raw. All the problems in the city– was it all the work of these people? How could that be so? "To see that the craft of kith and wilder does not disturb what bones the gods have buried." For all that the robed man in her past life had spoken of bringing the "truth of the gods" to the people, this cult seemed awfully keen on obfuscation. Burying secrets, hiding in the shadows, locking it all away– "How do we know your purpose?" And they demanded knowledge while offering none themselves? Threatened with death those who opposed their hidden will? She thought of Kana, pursued across two continents as he quested for the truth of his homeland's history. To what end...? "You shall know it by the confession of my tongue, the deeds of my hand, and the oath on my soul." Sins kept secret. Atrocities committed against the innocent. Promises broken and falsehoods unchallenged. Axa's heart pounded in her chest. These people were very dangerous. But a choice between provoking their wrath by opposing their will and allowing them to continue their nefarious operation unabated was no choice at all. "And how is your oath guarded?" She looked into the acolyte's masked face, and saw an emotionless, inscrutable void. Whoever these people were, whoever guided them from the shadows, she would not let them subdue her, or Kana, or anyone who sought the light of the truth, ever again. She swore it. "It is sealed by the Leaden Key." —

#pillars of eternity #poe anthem infinitum #tumblo ate this fucking post twice #and i had to jump through some FUCKING HOOPS to get it on my desktop #fix your shit tamblo.#anyway plz enjoy chapter 10 is almost done~#fic wip

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josefavomjaaga · 3 years

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Letters from 1814

All texts, as usual, from Helfert, "Joachim Murat"

Mier to Metternich. (postscript, in chiffres]. Naples 8 July 1814.

My Prince!

The Sieur Baudus who, when the King of Naples declared war on France, had given his resignation from the place of Sub-Governor to the Princes, who is among the most vocal against the party that the King had chosen, and who intrigued together with the Minister of Finance to tie the King to the interests of Napoleon and to make him break all the engagements contracted with our court, and did all he could to make him slow and indecisive in his steps and to inspire him with distrust against Austria (protected moreover by the Queen and enjoying her confidence), he remained until now in Naples under various excuses always hoping that the King would restore him in his place. Seeing himself deceived in his hopes he determined to choose another battlefield for his intrigues. He succeeded in persuading the King and even more the Queen that by means of his relations with Talleyrand he could be very useful to them at the Congress of Vienna where this Minister is due to go.

The day before yesterday he left for Munich, from where he plans to go to Vienna. As this clever and skilful man will not fail to present himself to Your Highness, I thought it necessary to give Him an idea of this in order to put Him on his guard against the machinations of this intriguer.

I have the honour etc.

When I read »Munich«, I think »Eugène«. Unfortunately, I could not find out if Baudus met with Eugène there. But it would have been possible, Eugène seems to have remained in Munich for most of July and only went to Baden in August.

I did however find an interesting passage in a biography on Caroline Murat by Florence de Baudus that relates to this departure. Apparently, Murat got so anxious and desperate about the last French of his suite leaving his court that Caroline had to ask Agar to calm him and prevent he actually acted against them in his outrage.

In Vienna, Baudus met with Metternich and seems to have received plenty of reassurance for Murat. Beugnot, chief of police in Paris, already knows that Metternich has declared himself a friend of the Murats, much to te chagrin of Louis XVIII.

Mier to Metternich, Naples this 21st October 1814.

My Prince!

Not having been informed about Capitaine Malkzewski being sent as a courier to Vienna, I was not able to take advantage of his departure to pass on to Your Highness my present report: General Boulnois in the service of France, lieutenant in the Garde du Corps, who last had been charged with handing over Corfu to the allied troops, arrived in this capital during the night of the 12th to the 13th. He immediately asked to be admitted to the King. His Majesty granted his request. He began his speech with a thousand protestations of attachment and admiration for the King and told Him that he would take charge of the overtures or proposals which His Majesty would like to make to Louis XVIII, and which would be accepted only through his channel; that he would send a courier to his government on the spot or would bring them to his attention himself; that Louis XVIII was a great admirer of the King's military talents; that Sovereigns must put their personal and family interests above those of their people; that one wished to know in France the views and the policy of the King, the conduct which He would hold if war were to resume; that by his position and the means which He has at his disposal, He could not remain a simple spectator; that He could play a great role in Italy whose inhabitants are dissatisfied with the present order of things and ask only for a leader; that one could agree on many things etc. etc.

The King, who immediately became aware of the purpose of this chatter, asked him if he had any full powers in writing; if he was authorised by his government to enter into negotiations on this matter. On his negative answer His Majesty told him that He had no overtures or proposals to make to France, that He only asked her to be recognised as King of Naples, a thing she could not refuse, in conformity with the treaty concluded with Austria; that He hoped that the tranquillity of the continent would not be disturbed, but that, if unfortunately the war was rekindled, the course of his policy and his views would be entirely in conformity with those of Austria, his ally; that He and his army were at the disposal of this friendly power, and that united with it he was responsible for the tranquillity of Italy; that He nourished no other desire than to remain quiet possessor of his Kingdom and to work for the happiness of his subjects etc.

General Boulnois, seeing that he could not lead the King on this line to some false steps which would compromise him with respect to his Allies, set up his batteries in the opposite direction and said to the King that the principal goal of his voyage to Naples was the business of Marshals Macdonald and Oudinot which relates to the donations which they have in this Kingdom. This matter gave him occasion to speak of the discontent which reigned in France, of the spirit which animated the Marshals General and the French army in general; that Louis XVIII would support himself with difficulty on the throne; that the King possessed the confidence of the French army; that He led it so often to victory that his will and his person could bring about great changes in France; that He could count on being supported by the whole army and a large part of the nation; and many other similar statements, in opposition to what he had just said at the beginning.

The King treated this gentleman as he deserved, and made it clear to him that He was not the dupe of the schemes which were being set up to lose Him. This General, who stopped for a few days in Genoa, then in Ancona, and travelled through part of the Kingdom of Naples, is still here. As he has spent a fairly long time with the French army in this Kingdom, he has a lot of knowledge and is trying to gather information on what relates to the internal position of this country. I suppose that the government will not allow him a long stay in this Capital.

I have the honour of sending herewith to Your Highness the Moniteur de Naples, which contains the royal decree on the endowments made by Napoleon in this Kingdom, motivated by the order of 18 September published in France.

May Your Highness accept the assurances of my highest consideration.

It is interesting how Louis XVIII, having barely been properly seated on the throne, was already preoccupied with the fate of his distant Neapolitan relatives.

The next letter Helfert offers in his book already is from after the Congress of Vienna had been opened (do we need another timeline for this period?).

Metternich to Mier (concept). Vienna on November 6, 1814.

The Duke of Campo-Chiaro sends today General Filangieri as a courier to Naples, and I take advantage of this occasion to send you the present dispatch.

The Duke's reports undoubtedly contain very detailed data on the present position of things in Vienna. There are very great objects occupying the powers gathered under the name of Congress; united by the intention of removing the difficulties which would arise from too complicated forms, the powers with objects of open discussion have taken the step of establishing direct negotiations, to which the presence of the sovereigns and of several heads of cabinet lend every facility.

France, together with the other branches of the Bourbon House, has up to now aimed at bringing the Neapolitan question into the arrangements of Europe in consequence of the treaty of Paris. Our cabinet has constantly resisted this move, basing itself on the text of its treaties with the Court of Naples, and on the principle that it cannot question the existence of an independent power whose fate is in no way linked to that of the dynasty which has been expelled from the throne of France.

Oops. Sorry, Caroline. Seems Metternich just erased your name from the Bonaparte family tree.

I beg you, Count, to invite the Duke of Gallo to bring you up to date on the details which Monsieur de Campo-Chiaro is bound to send him of the discussions that have so far taken place on these important subjects. They will prove to the Court of Naples the constancy of the course of His Imperial Majesty in accordance with the principles which have always guided his cabinet. The Emperor has never violated the faith of treaties and he never will.

Uhm. Can I please quote Archduke Charles here? »Of course I have no problems breaking a treaty...«

The more His Majesty should be reassured about the impossibility of her being exposed to an attack from the coast or on the land, the more it would be desirable that He should not, by extraordinary measures, reawaken the fear in Italy about chimerical dangers. Complications are often created by wishing to forestall them in too anxious a manner. The attitude of the King, the only one in conformity with his true interests, must be that of calm. He is at home, his army is fine, he has between him and France all the Austrian forces; let him come to an agreement with the only immediate neighbour, let him follow the indications which must also have been given to him by the Duke of Campo-Chiaro, and let him put himself in the position of a power which does not seek quarrel with any other, but which would repel any attack. The only possible one being on the side of the sea, any demonstration on the opposite side is not only useless, but it is harmful to his interests, in that it furnishes pretexts to the malicious to slander the intentions of the King, and gratuitous grounds for supposition to the opposite party, that the Court of Naples is not entirely confident of the intentions of Austria.

These considerations, which arise from the very nature of things, may be brought to the King's attention by you, as having come directly from me. You will add the assurance that, if ever the rest of Italy were to be threatened (which there is no appearance of) by an enemy outside, or by parties within its bosom, His Imperial Majesty would not only count on the support of His Majesty in the same cause, but that He would be the first to call upon the support of the King.

The Duke of Campo-Chiaro finds himself placed as a Minister in Congress in the same attitude as are those of all the other powers. I congratulate myself on having been able to put aside all the questions which might have complicated his position by isolating him, it would in no case have been entirely so, for the existence of the Grand Duke of Tuscany is no less contested by the Spanish Court than that of the King of Naples.

Receive etc.

I guess what Metternich is trying to say here is: Mier – for the love of god, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid!

#joachim murat #napoleon #naples #louis xviii #congress of vienna #Baudus #helfert murat

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divinaes-bookofsecrets · 4 years

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Private. Hello there I would like a spirit guide reading please -Rochelle (RS) ♉️

Hello 👋hi 👋 (🌺Rs)Rochelle are you a 🐂 ♉?

Really ... if I guessed you correctly you are Taurus in your natal birth chart (I am an aspiring astrologist and zlso do in-depth Astrology Reports based off of your natal birth charting so please do nog hesitate to ask for That next !

Your SpiritGuide is Cressida

💎🦋Galactic-Arctic Fox🦋💎

She is a mystical interterrestrial being from a galaxy through another realm not too far away but just out of reach !

Cressida has been with you since 2018 and should remain by your side as a companion, spiritual guardian 🙏 ✨ and your synchronicity lessons for the rest of your life.

Why is Cressida with me and trying to help or heal my situation and past situations or for future situations anyways? Well.. heres an in depth description of what this particular animal spirit totem means ..

Whats Cressida doing? How can I place her in my life and recognize her?

🦋Whether the White Arctic Fox appears in dreams, visions, waking life or synchronicities, it is a sign and message that you are to keep going, amid the test of your nature and character. Some powerful forces are working on your behalf to sort things out in a favorable outcome or way soon. Whatever you may be going through will soon pass. These tests and trials have made you stronger, and giving in is for the weak. You should realize how far you have come. You will be arriving to a place of rest and completeness soon. 🦋The Arctic Fox is a sign to trust yourself, above trusting anything or one outside of you. At least for the purpose of clarity. IN other words, it is time to pause, breathe, and receive insights from your oversoul or higher self. As a seeker of truth, you cannot allow someone or something else to dilute what you sense. Take time out to refuel so that you can come from a place of neutrality.🦋 You will need to be stubborn in a forthcoming opportunity and trust your instincts. Even if you collaborate with others, or cooperate with them, you must keep your eyes open as no one can look out for you the way that you can for yourself. In other words, watch your own back. Don’t give that responsibility entirely to others.🦋 The Arctic Fox teaches us that, we are only beings and we are all doing things to survive. Your trust is only owed to a higher source. You can cooperate with others, but the key is to look out for yourself always. Don’t just expect others to put you first. 🦋Always follow up, and if possible do things yourself when it comes to projects that require your creativity. The White Arctic Fox is a message that you want others to be better than what they are showing you. In other words, you are looking at the aspect of how a person can be and not what or who they truly are. If you are a part of a group of people who are being intentionally deceptive, it is best to clear up your acts now rather than later. 🦋The Arctic White Fox is about seeing beyond what we are shown, and hearing beyond what we are told. Your psychic senses will be heightened at this time.💎 Pay attention to what is being revealed. 🧿

⚠️This message isn't, obviously resonant with all whose paths it crosses, as perhaps you may come into contact with someone of this vernacular, mastery or skill. Therefore, it is a sign from the universe that you're meant to work with such a person. ⚠️

🦋What does She look like? 🥀

Her fur is multidimensional and is actually the softest known material other than silk in this universe and all other universes including hidden realms..

Since she is a Galactic Arctic Fox you'll expect to see that she looks rather like a regular Arctic White Fox from our home planet Earth🌍But has different highlights and dimensions to her skin and her fur body. She has *fur tattoos* which are blue-- they represent the Element Water(do you have a lot of water 💧in your natal birth charting , I suspect you do 😉 )Her fur tattoos are like a war paint that was branded onto her when she became fully mature and with the seasons her other markings show up - each season - has a different shade of white to blue hue or even teal like transference that takes place , its quite magickal to see.

What is Cressida's personality like?

🦋Cressida has a strong, but warm and gentle but also courageous and brave personality and soul as a Galzctic Arctic Fox 💙 ❤ 💖 She conducts herself with a sense if integrity in every situation(no matter what!) 🦋Integrity is a personal trait that has strong moral principles and core values and then conducting your life with those as your guide.🦋 She has a lot of compassion for all of humanity but especially you (Rs) ♉ This character traits example feels deep sympathy and pity for the suffering and misfortune of others, and you have a desire to do something to alleviate their suffering..She sees that you may be suffering maybe and has messages for you just about to come up .. old on we need to finish her character profile (bio)

🦋Cressida is an honest Galactic fox just as much of them are but there are more certainly the few bunches who are so mischievous that they are notdared to be messed with (worse than the worst fae)

🦋She has strong reliability. This SpiritGuidr's character quality can be consistently depended upon to follow through on your/her commitments, actions, and decisions. She does what she says you she will do.🥀🌍(88% of the time)

😷She hopes you wear a mask because she is very worried and concerned about your welfare during this coronairus. Please don't fall asleep 😴 🙏 😫 😪 😩 😭yet 😴you'll miss her message for you... im going to stop talking zbout her personality there id so much lol.

What is my SpiritGuide messages?

Cressida has a numerology message she has been sending you many other synchronicity but she asks that you pay attention next for the number # 536 if you haven't seen it by now already...

WHATS IT MEAN ANYWAYS?

Number 536 is a blend of the energies and attributes of number 5 and number 3, and the vibrations of number 6. Number 5 resonates with major life changes, making important choices and decisions, promotion and advancements, adaptability and versatility, personal freedom and individuality, life lessons learned through experience and resourcefulness. Number 3 offers assistance and encouragement, communication and enthusiasm, growth, expansion and the principles of increase, broad-minded thinking, self-expression, talent and skills. Number 3 also resonates with the energies of the Ascended Masters. Number 6 relates to love of home, family and domesticity, honesty and integrity, responsibility, compassion and empathy, finding solutions, grace and gratitude, the ability to compromise, emotional depth, provision and providing and the material aspects of life.

Angel Number 536 brings a message from your angels to maintain a positive attitude in regards to your monetary and financial circumstances as changes are taking place that will ensure that your material and monetary needs are met. Your positive affirmations, prayers and optimistic outlook have manifested opportunities to attract prosperity and abundance into your life. Trust that your Spirit Guide(s) especially Cressida.. will surround, support and guide you through these important changes.

Number 536 is a message to trust that the changes you may be going through are happening for your highest good. These changes may involve your career choices, your place of residence and/or an important relationship. Your angels support you through these changes and offer guidance and assistance to make transitions easier. Trust that these changes will have positive effects on your life and will ensure a continued supply of abundance to meet your daily wants and needs.

Number 536 encourages you to move forward with positive plans and ideas as they will prove to be most beneficial in all ways for yourself and your loved ones.

Spiritual Messages...

Cressida wants you to be inspired, creative and most of all live out your destiny!!

🙏 Please take this advice seriously! You need to think about:

Surrounding yourself with people who reflect the character traits you want to embrace.

🦋They will inspire and motivate you to build these traits in yourself.

🦋Try to avoid people who have a weak character and make bad decisions.

🦋When you live your life being true to yourself and honest with others you manifest positive energies and desired results and outcomes. Speak your truths with gentleness and love and accept others with grace and understanding.

Monthly Message from your Spirit Guide ✨ 💛 ❤ ��

A creak you hear in the dark could be the settling of an old house, or it could be a burglar creeping on the stairs. Loud voices you hear coming in through the windows could be your neighbors arguing, or it could be those same neighbors sharing good news. The lamp going out on your nightstand could be a sign that electricity has shut down, or it could mean you need a new bulb. There is often more than one way to interpret something, and usually there's nothing to worry about. Remember that today, Taurus, if you are tempted to follow worrisome thoughts. It's more likely there's nothing to worry about.

🦋🌍🦋

This is a great week(jan 11th to jan 17th) for you to finally finish one or two of those big projects you put on hold a while back. You may have thought you would never be able to get to them, but if you actually put this into your schedule and get started, you should see that it will all fall into place, and you'll get everything else done that needs to be done. This is also an ideal time to complete important conversations that were left dangling, maybe because there was no answer at the time, or because someone was being elusive about responding. You should find it easier now to get answers and receive honest reactions. Crossing all of these things off your long list will give you a great sense of satisfaction. You may even find that because of this efficiency, you will be inspired by a new idea that allows you to tap into a talent you have not used lately, and that would be a great idea. You have been very assertive in trying to attract an investor, team member, or partner for some project you want to take on. However, you are advised now to take a wait-and-see approach and be patient. What you need will materialize if you kick back a bit and let it come to you.

Thank you for meeting your Spirit Guide!! If you have any questions, concerns, or additional specific questions to ask your Spirit Guide you can always Astral travel and speak to her directly but; if you prefer that I take another independent in depth dive into your world I will 🌍🦋 🌎 I will answer up to 2 questions per ask Thanks for allowing this experience to take place, please 🙏

🦋Like && Share this post 📫 ✨

Much Love😍 ❤ Divinae

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

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One thing that felt uncomfortable to go along with in the CF route for me was when Edelgard lies about what happened at Arianrhod to her closest allies (Black Eagle Strike Force) and blames it on the church. Can you give some insight as to why she does this? Especially when Edelgard criticizes the church for lying to the people of Fodlan, but isn’t she doing it here?

That’s certainly a moment that is genuinely ambiguous / a valid point of criticism and something I’d laud a whistleblower for exposing if it were a RL politician, but also the sort of realpolitik / appearance management that has taken place in most RL wars.

Once you’re the leader of anything, allowing panic, division, etc. at bad moments comes with its costs. Of course this is hardly a carte blanche (see: Beating down legit protesters for superficial “order”), but neither is it a factor that can be ignored completely.

At the point of the Arianrhod attack Edelgard was one month away from seizing control of the landmass and ending the large-scale fighting, having one enemy taken out (the Church) and being able to turn all her resources on the other (the Agarthans)

The agarthans at this point know they’re losing control of Edelgard and they’re not stupid enough to have any illusions about her loyalty. So they fire a warning shot to demonstrate their superior weaponry. Arundel makes a thinly veiled threat to fire it on Enbarr.

Of course at this point he basically gave away his location and allowed Edelgard & Hubert to come up with countermeasures, but they don’t want him to know that yet, their strategy involves that they keep being underestimated, let the Agarthans keep thinking that the “beasts” have no counter for the nukes pointed at their heads.

But they still destroyed half a fortress killing the ppl inside. If she reveals that she’s got a rogue faction infiltrating her ranks that’s firing frightening superweapons nilly willy, there will be chaos outrage and disunity right before the final battle. If she doesn’t make a statement at all and declares it a mystery, no one will believe it and her own faction will get the blame throughout the country. So what does she do? Pin it on the enemy she is currently fighting anyways. The purpose here is not to reveal the Agarthan situation too early so they can focus on the church for now.

It’s unclear if this was ever revealed to the public (probably not, I don’t think she’d cause a stir on principle alone) but the ending cards make it quite clear that the Strike Force was let in on the Agarthan situation later and helped her mop them up.

Yeah, it’s defamation, an indisputable textbook government cover up and maybe even technically a kind of propaganda, but her casus belli existed before it’s not like she’s basing it on the lie, and in most wars throughout history the factions have hidden or made a spin of failures & mishaps and made the enemy look bad.

There are certainly many historical examples of such actions creating problems, such as fueling lingering resentments or creating general mistrust that can led to real information not being believed etc. so it’s by no means a safe action that is no big deal and I can see how it could be a legit dealbreaker for some, you certainly weren’t supposed to be 100% comfortable with it, or anything on the CF route, everyone involves is well aware that they’re doing ugly, costly things because (or so they see it) the alternatives are all worse. In that sense it’s the most self-aware one. It’s about actually looking at the bottom line of consequences, not what makes you feel like a hero.

At the same time, doing things like that that squander her moral credibility genuinely IS a flaw in Edelgard’s leadership style - it’s probably why more ppl didn’t believe her manifesto, “she already lied to us cooperating with these shady guys”, making it look like a ‘he said she said’ situation to the wider public that can’t go & confirm the evidence for themselves. This is why Claude thinks he has a better shot at winning& implementing reforms in VW (”too shady for the ppl to get behind”) - just like Dimitri has no plans and Claude’s secrecy creating mistrust even when his secret plan is utterly benevolent. Doesn’t matter how altruistic you are if you look suspicious it will have consequences I mean that’s how she loses on the other rouses, everyone ganks up on her cause she antagonized them all with suspicious actions. I’m not saying she’s any more perfect than the other 2.

but putting that on the same scale as what Rhea did is comparing a candle to the sun.

And maybe the Kantians in the audience will disagree with me but it can be a bit unhelpful to classify different actions of vastly different consequence and magnitude as “Lies”. There is a common principle (telling things that aren’t exactly true) but different magnitude. Clearly “The Confederacy was all great and glorious” and “I totally didn’t eat my little sister’s share of toffees” aren’t on the same level of immorality.

Neither is below the “everythings fine and dandy” line but one is a lie about one incident for one clear purpose, and the other is creating a whole fake world view for the express purpose of control, maintaining harmful systems, suppressing any advancement of science & technology... for 1000 years.

Scale, purpose and consequences are totally different. The arianrhod coverup coming to light would spark controversy & discussion on wether she should have done it under those circumstances; Some might change their opinion about her but overall everyone already knew that she’s not above dirty methods. If you told the average citizen of Fodland about all of Rhea’s lies, everything they know would be wrong. They would go from Adoring & worshipping her to being very confused about what’s true.

It’s the difference between your average modern-day politician doing backroom deals with diverse industry lobbies to accomplish their other goals, and a place like Saudi Arabia.

To get perspective here, let’s look at another example: Claude’s deceptions.

He, too, ultimately wants what’s best for everyone and a lot of the time he decides to fool people to avoid fighting them, I don’t mean to bash him at all, but let’s look at his actions in and of themselves:

Look at the sequence where he, Hilda & Byleth rope the church into helping them - that’s even more outright with the slimy politician tactics: He tries to downplay alliance involvement though he is totally in control, he says that “getting the church on our side will make fighting the empire look like a moral cause” implying that he doesn’t think it is one but wants to portray it as one to get ppl’s support, we’re told he made lots of promises to the merchants to get them on his side (so like that’s literal lobbyists), he installs Byleth as a figurehead, he tells the church ppl he wants to help them get back their old power when he really wants it to diminish and to drastically reorder the society.

He tells everyone he’ll help them save Rhea but while he still has basic human empathy for her & what happened to her he makes it clear he doesn’t want her to go back to being archbishop... at all. He even does this with Byleth: “Yeah, sure, teach we’re totally gonna save her” though in their case he tries to hint that she’s not to be trusted for their own good. Despite his dishonesty, he’s actually a very good friend to them imho. (#broTP)

In the end the power struggle between Claude and Edelgard isn’t personal nor a righteous struggle - he’s just taking advantage of the chaos she caused and he needs the seat of power to reach his own goal. He thinks he can do it better and she’s in the way (and to be fair, she thinks the same about him)

It’s your classic slimy politician: “he’s pretending to be for family values etc thing but really he wants power & is in cahoots with economic interests and he won’t do what he promised” etc. ... except with the plot twist that he’s deeply good and not actually all that ruthless. In a sense he’s as much a total subverted trope as Edelgard.

So doesn’t he have the right to criticise Rhea either? Or do you see how, while not per perfect, he’s miles better and not remotely the same?

Edelgard isn’t 100% truthful, but by and large, she made her intentions very clear with the pamphlets and stuff (even if it meant antagonizing ppl who were against that) and all her soldiers generally know what they’re fighting for and are going to get out of it if they support her, or what the consequences will be if they fail, even if she kept some of the “how” to herself.

Which isn’t to say that Claude ever makes ppl act against their interests even if it’s sometimes what he sees as their interests.

Under Rhea’s rule no one knew what the government’s doing, why it’s doing it, or to some degree, even that she IS the government... for 1000 years. There’s some cult of personality going on. She probably genuinely believes that it does benefit the sheeple to be “guided” by her, but she hasn’t even told Seteth about all she’s doing, she’s pretty much accountable to no one.

In terms of honesty, we could probably rank the lords like this:

Dimitri (a few omissions at worst)

Seteth (lies mostly out of self-preservation)

Edelgard (some convenient secrecy here & there)

Yuri (about the same as El but I’d put him slightly higher for the fake betrayal)

Claude (no one rly knows what he’s up to, but he gets ppl what he promised them and doesn’t outright betray them)

(very)

(big)

(gap)

Rhea (fake history, isolationist bubble, abuse of power left & right, manipulation, will smile in your face while planning to make you a meat puppet for her mom)

#fe3h #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses #three houses #edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard

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jennaalexandra · 4 years

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Recovering after my Thanksgiving Holiday

It has been quite a few months of struggling with Intuitive Eating. Meaning, feeling back to food-obsessed, bloated, sick, full, less purposeful, out-of control, mindlessness, & so on.

It was quite frustrating because I remember how I felt after discovering Intuitive Eating and living that IE lifestyle. It truly does feel like a lifestyle shift - a lifestyle that ends food obsessive thoughts, bloating, overeating, feeling sick from food... and one that sparkles with a sense of calmness at potlucks, a body that feels light and right, a mind consumed with purpose and goals, exercise that feels empowering, etc.

I have never been into dieting. I always felt that don’t work. I came to realize that my body woudl fluctuate between 10 pounds no matter how hard I dieted and exercised because I would be in a cycle of yo-yo dieting. I would stricly eat “whole foods” only or do “reset” diets and lose 5-10-ish pounds for max a week; then I would be right back up 10 pounds, sometimes more, and not to mention ravenous! I figured, why not just chill the fuck out and stick to somewhere inbteween these 10 pounds. Its not worth it.

So, I would do this. But I would stil feel out of control with food and obsessed with food. I am just weird, I just really really like food. This is part of being an adult and your metabolism slowing down. It’s normal?

When I began to learn about intutive eating I didnt know I was learning about intutive eating. I was just listening to some dietician talk about how there’s no good food or bad food. WAHHHT? This makes no sense and she’s just used to working with highly disordered eaters. I am not that. She also told me that its not normal to overeat and be food obsessed. OK, THAT I COULD AGREE WITH.

Wait, if its no normal is there a solution?!?!?

I started researching ways to end my late night sweet binges since it wasnt “normal” according to her.

Through my research I learned girls are on to this type of thing!! There is a cure? The cure isn’t with some diet, brain surgery, or stomach stapling (which, by the way, I thought was ridiclous, no amount of staples could stop this girl from pushing her belly to the point of just before explosion. I ate until i was “thanksgiving full” on the regular. oh god, would I actually pop the staples out of my stomach from overeating?!?! ).

Anyways, I started to undersand how labeling foods as good and bad give power to foods making them even more desirable. How assigning foods a neutral label allows you to tune into and listen to your hunger fullness cues more. How breaking up with diet culture is liberating. How are bodies naturally want to be at their “set point” - I agreed with that! And, how to self-love, self-soothe without food, and the list goes on!!!

Now, as I have said before. This IE journey has been a bumpy rode. In fact, over this recent thanksgving (and, even the months prior) I had experienced my old ways of eating and thinking about food. Worst of all, feeling! Gah!

I even had thoughts of “Gosh, maybe I should go Paleo to just reset myself”. But, I held off. NO. Even if intuitive eating isn’t working for me right now, the later wont either. it will just postpone the inevitable. Give it time, trust, and figure it out again.

Here I am, four days post holiday. I have spent the past two days eating more intutively with the help, I think of consuming a lot of positive, gentle, empowering IE content through an IE course I had purchased.

The skeptical side of me thinks “You are just coming down from a week binger. Of course you feel more “intuitive”, your body will start to feel bingy again soon. I also just started my period - maybe my hormones are finally relaxing for a day or two.

This time, I refuse to believe it. I am back to consuming kick ass empowering content from bad ass women across the web. I am back to feeling purpose again. To looking at my favorite bakery’s muffins IG post and saying “oh, wait, i dont really love those becuase they made me FEEL like shit. esp in the am!”

So, here I am, lets just say 2 days into being a solid Intuitive Eater. Feelin light and free, but honestly, a little skeptical. So, here I am documenting my experience to 1. journal my experience 2. record/document for future reflection 3. share with others.

I hope this will help guide me back to IE when i start to “fall off”.

I cant wait for my next post. Because sometimes certian intutiive eating principles really resonate with you at a certain given time. This one that really reosnated with me was about purpose, and finding mine. Stay tuned as it might help you find yours!!

Until next time,

xoxo

P.S Please share your thoughts!

#weight loss #intutiveeating #overeating #health coah #fitness trainer #fitness #fitnesstranformation

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years

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Pluralistic: 20 Mar 2020 (Who Has Your Face?, Monkey law firm vs covid, Blurred Lines sharpened, Consumer Reports on covid, Right to Repair during pandemics, secret GOP senate panic trading, Trump is outbidding state agencies for medical supplies, Coronavirus Sean of the Dead, Ifixit medical device guides, crowdsourced open source ventilator, Dafoe's plague diary)

Today's links

Patent trolls spin their shakedown of covide testing tech: Monkey law firm hired by Softbank patent-trolls to use Theranos patents to attack covid testing engages in spin.

Who Has Your Face? A short and sobering quiz from EFF.

Judge overturns terrible copyright decision against Katy Perry: Sharpening up the "Blurred Lines" principle.

Consumer Reports' covid-19 guide: Consistently the most reliable source of unbiased product info.

Right to Repair during pandemics: Hospitals are the new farms: isolated, with systems that need to be fixed NOW.

Republican senators told us everything was fine as they secretly panic-sold their stocks: But they made sure to clue in the donor class.

Trump is outbidding state agencies for medical supplies: He says federal coordination would turn him into "a shipping clerk."

Simon Pegg's coronavirus Sean of the Dead remake: "What's the plan?"

Ifixit's new database of med-tech repair guides: They need your help.

Open source hardware ventilator enters testing: From zero to prototype in 7 days.

Dafoe's plague diaries: Party like it's 1665.

This day in history: 2005, 2010, 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

Patent trolls spin their shakedown of covide testing tech (permalink)

Remember the garbage-matrioshke of a story in which a Softbank-funded patent troll was using bogus patents bought from the wreckage of Theranos to shut down covid testing, through a firm that once claimed to represent a monkey for copyright purposes?

https://pluralistic.net/2020/03/17/pluralistic-17-mar-2020/#fortress-investment-group

It gets worse!

Irell and Manella, the monkey lawfirm, has been claiming it's all a nonstory because their Softbank-backed patent-troll client offered a "royalty free license" to their garbage Theranos patent.

But this is worthless. Labrador (patent troll who make nothing but lawsuits) has offered a royalty-free license to only some of things that Biofire (biotech company that makes covid tests) needs, while banning the rest.

https://www.patentprogress.org/2020/03/18/patents-in-the-time-of-coronavirus/

They're "offering to allow a royalty-free license for the COVID-19 test… [but] they're still trying to block the technology that's needed to run the COVID-19 test."

What's more, that license doesn't extend to other companies working on covid tests.

Even by the low standards of deceptive spin from predatory lawfirms, this is garbage behavior. Not as bad as hastening the extinction of the human race by blocking covid testing, but worse than anything you or I are likely to do in our lifetimes.

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20200318/16113044127/why-softbank-patent-trolls-promise-royalty-free-license-theranos-patents-covid-19-is-bullshit.shtml

Who Has Your Face? (permalink)

Who Has Your Face? is a new interactive from EFF that tells you where the biometrics you had to give up – for a driver's license, say – have proliferated. We are in "perpetual lineups," our faces being continuously assessed by algorithmic guilt systems.

https://whohasyourface.eff.org/

The project announcement delves into this in depth:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/03/announcing-who-has-your-face

There is a stunning lack of transparency on biometric sharing. And the pandemic is making it worse – even as grifty beltway bandits are promising to use mass surveillance to prevent the spread of the disease…for a price.

It's time for a national ban of government use of facial recognition tech!

https://www.eff.org/aboutface

Judge overturns terrible copyright decision against Katy Perry (permalink)

Here's some rare good copyright news! A judge has overturned a copyright claim against Katy Perry that would have had her paying $2.3m because she recorded a song in which eight notes were similar to many other songs, including an obscure piece of Christian hiphop.

The ruling does not overturn the jury's finding of fact – that Perry's song had similarities to this other, obscure song – but rather, it overturns the legal principle that this similarity constitutes a copyright infringement.

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20200319/00094444129/surprise-judge-throws-out-jurys-awful-copyright-infringement-decision-over-katy-perry-song.shtml

And although the copyright trolls who came after Perry might appeal, this decision chips away at an even worse copyright precedent, the "Blurred Lines" argument that a pop song is illegal if it reminds the listener of Martin Gaye, even if it was not copied from a Gaye song.

One of the best things about this decision is that it cites the plaintiffs' expert witness's own testimony – the musicologist the copyright trolls hired basically admitted that this was not a copyright infringement.

This case is a victory for fairness and Fair Use, though Warner Chappell, Perry's publisher, has not covered itself in glory during this affair. Most notably, they attacked a prominent supporter of their cause with a fraudulent copyright claim.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/03/05/warner-chappell-copyfraud/#warnerchappell

(Image: slgckgc, CC BY)

Consumer Reports' covid-19 guide (permalink)

The most consistently reliable US source of unbiased product reviews and information is Consumer Reports, and now they've published a covid-19 guide.

https://www.consumerreports.org/issue/coronavirus-covid-19

Included: products believed to be effective at destroying the virus on skin and surfaces, guides to sanitizing your devices, how to work from home, what kinds of novel scams have popped up, and what to do if you feel unwell.

Right to Repair during pandemics (permalink)

Farmers lead in Right to Repair is because when you're isolated and need to get the crops in, you can't wait for a distant part or service tech to come to your site – that's why farms have workshops (even forges!).

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/03/right-repair-times-pandemic

Pandemic puts us all in situations like those farmers, with important things to do that can't wait for the authorized tech or official parts.

But especially, it puts hospitals in this situation.

That's why Right to Repair is so urgent at this moment.

The right person to decide whether a field repair should be attempted, and whether the repair is solid enough to rely upon are medical professionals, not the shareholders of med-tech companies or the lawyers who write their terms of service and patent applications.

Republican senators told us everything was fine as they secretly panic-sold their stocks (permalink)

The Senate and Congress have incredibly lax insider trading rules. They let elected politicians use the private information they glean from closed-door hearings and legislative planning sessions to take market positions that enrich themselves when the rest of us are clued in. That's how GOP lawmakers cleaned up in 2017, buying up health insurance stocks before announcing the full-court press to kill Obamacare, which sent the insurers' stocks skyrocketing.

https://theintercept.com/2017/07/06/republican-lawmakers-buy-health-insurance-stocks-as-repeal-effort-moves-forward/

But it's not just Congress and the Senate! Lawmakers have a long tradition of laundering their insider information for politically connected types: rich donors, lobbyists, party bosses.

https://legaltimes.typepad.com/blt/2013/04/government-report-examines-political-intelligence-but-questions-remain.html

It's no surprise that Senate Intelligence Chair Richard Burr [R-NC] secretly sold off $1.7m of his stocks after being briefed on coronavirus, even as he was publicly reassuring people that Trump was right, it was no biggie, and everything would be fine.

https://www.propublica.org/article/senator-dumped-up-to-1-6-million-of-stock-after-reassuring-public-about-coronavirus-preparedness

Not just Burr, either. Even as he was publicly claiming that coronavirus would fizzle, he was briefing North Carolina's elite $10,000/person members that they, too, should be panic-selling before us plebs got wind of the real scale of the crisis. The secret recording of that meeting has Burr saying "There's one thing that I can tell you about this: It is much more aggressive in its transmission than anything that we have seen in recent history … It is probably more akin to the 1918 pandemic."

That's what he told plutes. Here's what he was saying for public consumption: "he United States today is better prepared than ever before to face emerging public health threats, like the coronavirus."

https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/coronavirus-prevention-steps-the-u-s-government-is-taking-to-protect-you-sen-alexander-and-sen-burr

It wasn't just Burr, either. Other GOP senators who panic-sold while telling us that Trump had it all under control and nothing bad would happen include Kelly Loeffler [R-GA], Ron Johnson [R-WI], and Jim Inhofe [R-OK].

<a href="https://www.reviewjournal.com/news/politics-and-government/4-senators-sold-stock-before-steep-market-losses-from-virus-1986546/">https://www.reviewjournal.com/news/politics-and-government/4-senators-sold-stock-before-steep-market-losses-from-virus-1986546/

This insider trading is so egregious that it might have actually breached the Senate" s="" farcically="" loose="" rules.="" aoc="" is="" calling="" for="" burr="" to="" resign.<="" p="">

https://twitter.com/aoc/status/1240759241847308293

Trump is outbidding state agencies for medical supplies (permalink)

Trump has refused to coordinate federal procurements of emergency supplies for states, saying the fed is not "a shipping clerk" for state governments.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-03-19/trump-told-governors-to-buy-own-virus-supplies-then-outbid-them

Now, state agencies are routinely getting outbid by FEMA when they try to buy things like masks.

Trump brought Mass Gov Charlie Baker onto a FEMA videoconference to boast about his performance, only to be told that Baker's officials had been outbid by FEMA. Three times.

Baker (to Trump: "I've got a feeling that if someone has the chance to sell to you and to sell to me, I am going to lose on every one of those."

Trump: "Prices are always a component of that also. And maybe that's why you lost to the feds, OK, that's probably why."

Simon Pegg's coronavirus Sean of the Dead remake (permalink)

Gorbless Simon Pegg and Nick Frost for this delightful coronavirus-themed reenactment of "the plan" call from Shaun of the Dead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO6FW1aJkTw

Ifixit's new database of med-tech repair guides (permalink)

The latest Ifixit project is a database of indepedent repair manuals for medical devices:

https://www.ifixit.com/Device/Medical_Device

They need your help to improve it. If you have photos, manuals, etc related to medical device repair, please submit them:

https://www.ifixit.com/News/36354/help-us-crowdsource-repair-information-for-hospital-equipment

They're carrying on the work of Frank's Hospital Workshop, an amazing, one-person site based in Tanzania:

http://www.frankshospitalworkshop.com/

Ifixit turns crowdsourced photos, tips and guides into easy-to-read, consistently formatted, tested manuals that are aimed at both laypeople and skilled technicians.

https://www.theverge.com/2020/3/20/21187981/ifixit-medical-device-repair-database-guides-ventilators-coronavirus-covid-19

As supply chains break and parts and technicians become scarce, hospitals need to carry on their long tradition of effecting field repairs on their own – but these repairs may need to be longer-lived and serve more urgent needs than ever before.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/03/right-repair-times-pandemic

Open source hardware ventilator enters testing (permalink)

7 days ago, a group of open source hardware enthusiasts put out an open call for help in designing OSHW ventilators. After contributions from 300+ engineers, med techs and researchers, they have a prototype ready for testing.

https://techcrunch.com/2020/03/19/open-source-project-spins-up-3d-printed-ventilator-validation-prototype-in-just-one-week/

Ireland's Health Services Executive, which regulates medical devices, is evaluating the prototype.

The group has since changed its name to "the Open Source COVID19 Medical Supplies community" and has broadened its focus to "masks, sanitizer and protective face guards."

Dafoe's plague diaries (permalink)

I spent 13 years in London, off Pitfield Street (named for the plague pits that still line it), near Bunhill Cemetary (a "hill of bones" made from the plague dead). Bunhill has some incredible inmates, including Thomas Bayes, but also Daniel "Robinson Crusoe" Dafoe.

Dafoe was five in 1665, when the bubonic plague came to London. It made an impression on him. 57 years later, he published "A Journal of the Plague Year," featuring his recollections of the time.

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/376/376-h/376-h.htm

This excerpt, dealing with the economic terrors of the city shutdown – and the ways these exacerbated the health crisis – bears reading now.

https://www.wired.com/beyond-the-beyond/2020/03/plague-economics-1660s/

The economy froze up: sailors couldn't sail, so shipwrights couldn't build, so tavern keepers couldn't pour, so brewers couldn't brew. Centuries later, it's pretty familiar stuff.

But this longer excerpt is even more fascinating and relevant. As the plague loomed, people hallucinated angels and devils, sought out prophecies, blamed it on foreigners, and sought out scapegoats.

https://www.wired.com/beyond-the-beyond/2020/03/fears-people-young/

They were terrified that they would die, that they would be cast out, that they would be denied care, that they would be left to die. They panicked, and it spread.

Also eerily familiar sounding.

Dafoe says out that the only reason London survived is that it had a crude safety net, which kept absolute chaos at bay.

People lost their jobs, or panicked thinking they would, and left the city, carrying plague through the land.

This day in history (permalink)

#15yrsago Yahoo! bought Flickr! https://blog.flickr.net/en/2005/03/20/yahoo-actually-does-acquire-flickr/

#10yrsago Peter Watts may serve two years for failing to promptly obey a customs officer https://www.rifters.com/crawl/?p=1186

#5yrsago Suspicious people, American Airlines edition https://secure.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/16690196059/

#1yrago Sponsor of the "Discouraging Frivolous Lawsuits Act" sues Twitter cow-account for $250 million https://lawandcrime.com/crazy/devin-nunes-sues-twitter-and-devin-nunes-mom-for-a-whopping-250-million/

#1yrago More Than 130 European Businesses Tell the European Parliament: Reject the #CopyrightDirective https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/03/more-130-european-businesses-tell-european-parliament-reject-copyrightdirective

#1yrago California's Right to Repair Bill, killed by Big Ag and Apple, has been reintroduced https://appleinsider.com/articles/19/03/18/california-reintroduces-right-to-repair-bill-after-previous-effort-failed

#1yrago Health industry lobbyists are posing as "ordinary citizens who don't want Medicare for All" https://splinternews.com/look-at-these-absolutely-ordinary-americans-who-hate-me-1833380461

#1yrago IBM supplied surveillance gear to Davao while Duterte was mayor and cheering on the city's police-linked death-squads https://theintercept.com/2019/03/20/rodrigo-duterte-ibm-surveillance/

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Naked Capitalism (nakedcapitalism.com/), Slashdot (https://slashdot.org), Geekologie (https://geekologie.com), Geoffrey MacDougall (https://twitter.com/taliesan).

Currently writing: I've just finished rewrites on a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I've also just completed "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel next.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: The Masque of the Red Death and Punch Brothers Punch https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/16/the-masque-of-the-red-death-and-punch-brothers-punch/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020. https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250757531

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a new introduction by Edward Snowden: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583

#pluralistic

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