#shannon do you know how insane that would make me

[camelspit]

stina on the book 10 cover (pleading)

[buckets-and-trees]

I’d like to point out this man’s insane hotness🥵

Also… imagine needing a place to sit and Bucky tells you to sit on his lap😍

I've been sitting on this one for ages, Shannon, I'm sorry! But I was waiting for a storyline that truly swept me away because this look and the potential for this moment couldn't be squandered if I was going to take a stab at it...

Poison Blood from the Wound of the Pricked Hand

Characters/Pairings: Post TFATWS!Bucky x curvy!Millennial Female!Reader Word Count: 3k Summary: You've made a life-altering decision, and even though it feels like the only choice you could have made, you hope it's the right one, and you hope the man you're being forced to rely on tonight will help you accomplish what you need to, or else your life could be at stake - not to mention the safety of so many others.

Content/Warnings: intense physical intimicy, but no actual smut (I know, shocker)

Author Notes: Possibly the last piece for the Deliciously Debauched Labor Day Weekend! And, yes late, but the final piece to complete out my collection for @buckybarnesevents Hot Bucky Summer - week twelve "what should I wear?"

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

“How are things going in there?” Bucky called loudly to you.

“Um…” There was a long pause, before you called back, “Fine.”

You glanced at the clock.

You knew at this rate you were going to make the two of you late. But that only ate at you more. You weren’t trying to cause problems.

Or, rather, you weren’t trying to cause more problems. You already felt like a walking liability.

All you had tried to do was get out of the danger of your brother’s organization.

You had finally gone to the authorities, looking to make some kind of deal for safety, maybe witness protection, you didn’t know exactly how these things worked, only that you had to leave.

But evidently things had been even worse and more complicated than you knew, and the price for safety had come with strings.

They needed more information, and they saw you as a means to be able to get it.

And so they’d dangled a deal that required you to play your part as a trusted member of the family one more time.

You had only been gone for just over twenty-four hours, so it wasn’t likely that your brother would suspect your defection yet. But it was so recent that you still felt unsettled over whether you’d made the right decision - especially now that it wasn’t a clean break and you were being used be the people you expected to be the good guys.

“Are you sure?” Bucky’s voice broke through your thoughts again.

You shook your head. Since he was in the other room, there was no danger in him seeing your doubt and uncertainty.

Of all the moving parts in this scheme, Bucky was possibly the only piece you thought you might be able to trust. His reputation preceded him as someone more than capable of handling any dangerous situation, but he also seemed to harbor a question in his mind over working this operation and trusting the government agencies who had a hand in this.

You sighed, then bit your lip. The clock ticked relentlessly, each second a reminder of your indecision. Your eyes darted between two outfits laid out on the bed, both chosen with care but now seeming woefully inadequate for the task ahead.

You sighed, your eyes darting between the two outfits laid out on the bed. One was a sleek black dress, form-fitting and elegant, with a high neckline and long sleeves that would conceal the nervous goosebumps prickling your skin. The other, a tailored pantsuit in deep navy, exuded an air of professionalism and confidence you wished you felt.

Both outfits were carefully chosen to blend in at the high-stakes charity gala where you'd be making your reappearance in your brother's world. But which one would better sell the lie? Which one would make you look like you hadn't just betrayed everything you'd ever known?

You ran your fingers over the cool silk of the dress, then the crisp wool of the suit jacket. The clock's incessant ticking seemed to grow louder with each passing moment, mocking your indecision.

You needed to look like your old self, the trusted sister, and you’d worn clothes just like these a hundred times before. But now?

And with the added caveat of needing to have a brand new man on your arm and sell that he was a valid new part of your life, too?

You grabbed both hangers and went out into the living room of your apartment where Bucky had been patiently waiting for you.

Bucky's eyes widened slightly as you emerged from the bedroom, clothes in hand. He was sitting on the couch, hands in his lap, already dressed in a sharp looking suit with leather lapels - edgy but impressive. For a moment, you were struck by how different he looked from the dangerous operative turned superhero you knew him to be. He looked like he could effortlessly blend into the opulent setting you expected tonight.

"I can't decide," you admitted, your voice hesitant. "Which one do you think would be more… convincing?"

Bucky's gaze flickered between the two outfits, then back to your face. His expression softened, and you saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes.

"The dress," he said after a moment. "It's more in line with what you'd typically wear to these events, right? We don't want to raise any suspicions by changing your style too drastically."

You nodded, grateful for his insight. "You're right. Thank you."

As you turned to go back to the bedroom, Bucky's voice stopped you. "Hey," he said softly, his blue eyes searching your face. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready."

For a moment, you were tempted to take the out he was offering. To tell him you couldn't go through with it, that you'd made a mistake. But then you thought of your brother, of all the people he'd hurt, and you steeled yourself.

"No, I can do this. Besides,” you thought of all the things you’d learned in different meetings and conversations and reports today, “this is our best chance to get the information we need to bring him and the rest of the organization down.”

“But it doesn’t have to be you,” he insisted.

You tilted your head and smiled sadly. “But it should be.” They had been planning to try and infiltrate tonight’s gala before you had presented yourself, but with you, you were practically a golden ticket into the event and into so many more of the areas once inside.

Bucky nodded, a mix of admiration and concern in his eyes. "Alright. But remember, I'll be right there with you the whole time. If anything feels off, just give me the signal and we're out of there."

You nodded, grateful for his reassurance. As you headed back to the bedroom to change, you couldn't help but wonder how convincing you and Bucky would be as a couple. You'd only known each other for a day, and while he seemed kind and protective, there was still so much mystery surrounding him.

As you undressed, you tried to calm your racing thoughts. You'd been to countless events like this before, schmoozing with the elite and corrupt. But never as a double agent, never with the weight of so many lives hanging in the balance, and certainly not since discovering the secret that had shattered your world and opened up your eyes to the fact that everything your brother was involved in was corrupt and dangerous.

As you slipped into the black dress, you couldn't help but feel like you were putting on armor for battle. The silk clung to your skin, cool and familiar, yet somehow foreign now. You zipped it up, fingered the neckline, then pressed your hand to your heart and took a deep breath.

In the mirror, you saw the woman you used to be—poised, elegant, the perfect sister to a powerful man. But your eyes betrayed you, filled with a storm of emotions you'd have to learn to hide in the next few minutes.

You applied your makeup with practiced precision, each stroke of mascara and swipe of lipstick another layer of protection, of disguise. Once satisfied with your appearance, you squared your shoulders, and put the lipstick in your clutch.

You emerged from the bedroom, smoothing down the fabric of your dress. “I’m ready.”

Bucky’s eyes roamed over you appreciatively, and you felt something pool in your stomach - the attraction to this man you’d been trying to ignore since you’d been introduced to him early this morning. You could not have a crush on this man who was supposed to infiltrate your brother’s organization with you, steal information, and try and get both of you out safely.

It would be too much of a distraction.

Bucky's lips quirked into a small smile.

“What?” you asked, suspicious.

“You forgot your shoes,” he said simply.

You looked down and sighed.

“Nervous?” he asked, his tone kind, soft.

"Bucky," you said, looking back at him, "how are we supposed to explain your presence? Won't my brother be suspicious of a new man in my life?"

"We've got a cover story. I'm a potential new investor in your brother's 'business ventures.' You met me at a networking event last week and thought I'd be a good fit for tonight's gala."

You raised an eyebrow. "And you just happened to sweep me off my feet?”

"Something like that," Bucky replied with a roguish smile. "We'll keep it vague - a whirlwind romance, sparks flying. Your brother will be more focused on the potential investment than on our relationship."

You nodded, trying to quell the butterflies in your stomach. It wasn't just nerves about the mission now; the idea of pretending to be swept off your feet by Bucky wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"Right," you said, forcing yourself to focus. "I'll just go grab those shoes."

You hurried back to the bedroom, slipping on a pair of elegant black heels. As you turned to leave, your eyes fell on a framed photo on the nightstand - you and your brother at last year's gala, both smiling widely. Your stomach churned. How had you been so blind?

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the guilt down and away. You needed to do this. There was no other path in your mind now that you knew the truth. Your eyes flicked from the frame to the luggage packed next to your door. When you’d left yesterday, you hadn’t taken anything with you, not wanting to draw suspicion. With this return to your place and the cover of being swept into something with Bucky, it gave you the cover to pack some of your things - luggage that was being picked up and taken care of for you by one of this “rich investor’s” staff to go with you on a two-week vacation to a private island in the Phillippines. It was a perfect cover, provided you could sell it.

He was so handsome, with his dark hair styled perfectly and his strong jawline. Still sitting on the couch, he radiated confidence and charm, making it easy to see why he was chosen for this mission. You couldn't help but feel slightly nervous under his intense gaze.

Bucky's eyes flicked over your ensemble. "You look beautiful," he said, his voice low and husky.

Your heart skipped a beat at the compliment, feeling self-conscious under his scrutiny. "Thank you," you replied shyly.

You’d been so worried about all the other logistics of tonight, you hadn’t thought about the believability of you and Bucky until now.

“Come here,” he said, holding a hand out to you. You crossed the room and took it, gasping as he pulled you down to sit across his lap.

“Bucky,” you protested, insecure about sitting all of your plus-sized body in his lap. You had never been comfortable with your few previous partners in this situation, but he pressed one cool vibranium finger to your lips, while his other hand moved softly up and down your back.

“Don’t be nervous,” he whispered. “You’ll need to look comfortable around me when I touch you, and if your brother is going to believe you’ve agreed to go away with me tonight, I can’t touch you for the first time while we’re there.”

You nodded. He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, and you shivered.

You felt a flush creep up your neck as Bucky's lips brushed your cheek. His touch was gentle, almost reverent, but you could feel the strength in his arms as he held you. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself further. He seemed unconcerned, even happy to hold all of you, and the contrast between his warm flesh hand and the cool metal of his other arm sent tingles down your spine.

"Is this okay?" he murmured against your skin, his breath hot on your neck.

You nodded, not trusting your voice. Your heart was racing, and you weren't sure if it was from nerves about the mission or the proximity of this dangerously attractive man.

Bucky's hand traced lazy circles on your back, and you found yourself relaxing into his touch despite your better judgment. "We need to look natural together," he explained softly. "Like we can't keep our hands off each other. It'll sell the whirlwind romance angle."

You swallowed hard, trying keep it together.

Bucky's hand continued its soothing motion up and down your back, and you found yourself leaning into his touch despite your better judgment.

"Tell me more about your brother," Bucky said softly. "What should I expect?"

You tensed slightly at the mention of your brother, but Bucky's steady presence kept you grounded. "He's… charming," you began, choosing your words carefully. "Charismatic. He can make anyone feel like the most important person in the room. But there's always an agenda behind it."

Bucky nodded, his fingers still tracing patterns on your back. "And how does he usually react to you bringing someone new around?"

You sighed, leaning your head against Bucky's shoulder. "He's protective. Suspicious. I haven’t brought many men around. He'll probably try to get you alone, size you up."

"I can handle that," Bucky assured you, his voice low and confident.

You lifted your head to look at him, suddenly struck by how close your faces were. His blue eyes were intense, searching yours. "Bucky," you whispered, "what if I can't pull this off?"

His hand came up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing softly across your skin. "We will," he said firmly. It didn’t escape your notice that he’d said we, not allowing you to feel alone. "You're stronger than you think, and I've got your back.”

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself. "Underneath that charm, he's calculating. Always looking for an angle, a way to use people. And he's dangerous when he feels threatened."

Before, you hadn’t questioned his cold side, thought it to usually be warranted, protective of you and the family and his organization. But now you knew better, illusion shattered.

Bucky nodded, his expression grave. "I'll be on high alert," he assured you. "We'll have to make sure he sees me as an asset, not a threat. But remember, we're not there to confront him tonight. Just to gather information."

"Right," you said, trying to calm your racing heart. "Just information."

Bucky's hand resumed landed on your thigh, and he squeezed reassuringly. You put your hand over his.

"Good," he murmured, eyes dropping down to your coupled hands. "That's the kind of reaction we need."

You nodded, trying to focus on the mission, on the act you needed to sell. But it was becoming increasingly difficult with Bucky's strong arm around you, his warm breath on your neck.

"We should practice," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "What if... what if we need to kiss?"

Bucky's eyes met yours, a mix of surprise and something darker, more intense. "Are you sure?"

You nodded, your heart racing. "We need to be convincing, right?"

Without another word, Bucky's hand slid to the nape of your neck, pulling you closer. His lips met yours, soft at first, then with growing intensity. You melted into the kiss, your hands instinctively moving to his chest. The stubble on his jaw scratched lightly against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

For a moment, you forgot about the mission, about your brother, about everything except the feel of Bucky's lips on yours. It felt electric, a spark of something real amidst all the deception you were about to undertake. His metal arm tightened around your waist, and you gasped softly into his mouth.

When you finally broke apart, both slightly breathless, Bucky's eyes were dark with desire. "That was..." he started, then cleared his throat. "That should be convincing enough.”

You nodded, unable to form words. The kiss had felt all too real, and you were struggling to remind yourself that this was just part of the act. You couldn't afford to develop real feelings for Bucky, not with everything at stake.

"We should go," you managed to say, glancing at the clock. "We don't want to be late."

Bucky nodded, but neither of you moved.

Then you leaned in and kissed him again. He returned your kiss, metal arm pulling you even closer. Your hands tangled into his hair, and you shifted in his lap so you could press your chest flush against his.

"We really should go," you murmured against Bucky's lips when you had to break off for another breath, but made no move to pull away.

He hummed in agreement, his fingers tangling in your hair as he deepened the kiss. You melted into him, all thoughts of the mission momentarily forgotten. There was only the warmth of his body, the softness of his lips, the gentle scrape of his stubble against your skin.

Your hands roamed over his broad shoulders, feeling the strength coiled beneath his suit jacket. Bucky's flesh hand slid from your hair down your neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps. You gasped softly at the contact, and he took the opportunity to trace your lower lip with his tongue. Heat pooled in your stomach as you parted your lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss further.

His vibrainum hand continued its exploration down your body, while his warm, flesh hand stayed at the small of your back, anchoring you. You lost yourself in the sensation, forgetting for a moment about the dangerous mission ahead. Bucky's kisses were intoxicating, making you dizzy with desire. His metal hand traced the curve of your hip, sending shivers through your body.

Suddenly, the sharp ring of a phone cut through the haze of passion. You jerked away from Bucky, reality crashing back. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a sleek black device.

"It's time," he said, his voice husky. "The car's waiting downstairs."

You nodded, trying to catch your breath and calm your racing heart. As you stood up from his lap, you smoothed down your dress, acutely aware of how close you'd come to losing control.

Bucky rose as well, adjusting his tie and running a hand through his slightly mussed hair. His eyes met yours, filled with…

Filled with what, you weren’t sure.

If you made it out tonight, maybe you might have a chance to find out.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Read more stories from the Deliciously Debauched Labor Day Weekend!

👀

What do we think? Do we want to see more of them?

I think this could be a post-TFATWS and pre-Thunderbolts kind of thing maybe. idk.

[mbirnsings-71]

SOBS AT THIS

Anytime I stay up past midnight I start thinking 9-1-1 plot points and make myself cry.

For example that hug Eddie gives Bobby in s2 after Peppa picked Chris up. I’m sure it has already been talked about but THAT was the first time someone supported Eddie so he could take care of his son.

Bobby walks in and Eddie is ready to defend himself, his decision. But Bobby immediately validates Eddie’s decision and gives him his support.

“I had nowhere to take him.”

“Yes you did. Here. Buck gave me a heads up and I cleared it up with the chief.”

Can you imagine? Coming from 2 years of constantly being corrected and challenged with every choice you make for your kid. Constantly being made to feel like a bad dad and incompetent. Then you get to this place and this person of authority that is Dad shaped tells you “you made the right choice , and I cleared the path for you to take this choice”

He wanted to be a firefighter because he missed the camaraderie. He needed to feel like people had his back again. But I don’t think he ever imagined to what extent the 118 would give him that.

Bobby being a Dad is so special to me. Eddie got home that day. He finally got home.

[buddierecs]

secret relationship buddie fics

all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

our love is all we need (to make it through) by: chimneysrebar "buck and eddie decide to hide their relationship from their friends. It goes about as well as you would expect" word count: 3.1k important tags: sleepy cuddles, eddie diaz loves evan buckley, firehouse 118 crew as family, fluff

no thing defines a man like love that makes him soft by: justhockey “i don’t think you need a dad, that’s not how families work, right? like, they all look different,” chris says. “but it’s okay if you want one. there’s nothing wrong with that.” “what’s it like, having two?” denny asks, and buck has to cover his mouth so he doesn’t give himself away. christopher’s laugh is loud, and sweet, and tugs on buck’s heartstrings in the same way that it always has done. he doesn’t even hesitate to say, “it’s fun. i love them.” word count: 4k important tags family fluff, soft eddie diaz, christopher diaz has two dads, firehouse crew as family it's golden, like daylight by: rarakiplin "the sun comes up" word count: 8.7k important tags: getting together, weddings, fluff, first dates when you come home by: 7ate9 "buck was surviving. that was the least he could do. survive with his son, his new position as a probationary firefighter, while his fiance was overseas. it was too painful to talk about. so no one could know." word count: 19k important tags: army!eddie diaz, reunions, firehouse 118 crew as family, engaged!evan buckley/eddie diaz don't tell my husband (he'll kill me) by: coupe_de_foudre all bobby has to say, as buck is hightailing it towards danger, is a low, threatening, “don’t make me call eddie.” and buck will skid to a stop, pause, and eventually turn around and slink back towards the team like a scolded dog with his tail between his legs." word count: 2.6k important tags: army!eddie diaz, hurt/comfort, light angst, married buddie, pov outsider blindspot by ashwinmeird "hen was starting to accept that buck's life would always be a mystery to her and the others. Then the 136 gets a new probie, eddie diaz, and buck doesn't appear to be the guy's biggest fan. but there's something, some secret, hen isn't privy to and she was going to get to the bottom of whatever was happening between buck and eddie." word count: 10k important tags: alternative universe, pov outsider, oblivious, confusion, relationship reveal

give me a sign, i want you next to me by: 42hrb the 118 knows buck has a really cute kid and a partner he loves, they just think that partner is his husbands ex. word count: 7k important tags: army!eddie diaz, different first meeting au, married buddie, evan buckley and shannon diaz friendship, family fluff and the winner is.... by: heartsdalliances "when maddie convinces buck to join her and the rest of the couples of the 118 on a couples game-show with eddie as his partner, he does so hesitantly, if only because he knows that by the end of it -- the rest of the team will realize he and Eddie are way more than best friends." word count: 18k important tags: game show, fluff, angst, 118 team as family

there's a rumor going around (about me and you) by: justhockey “$100 says he’s not taking a girl home tonight,” eddie wagers. all four of them look at him with stunned looks on their faces, as if they can’t possibly believe eddie is being so stupid. eddie shrugs, holds his arms out in a take it or leave it kind of gesture. of course, they all think he’s insane, so -- “deal,” athena says." word count: 3.1k important tags bets and wagers, drinking, clingy!eddie diaz, karaoke, coming out, flirting welcome to the family by: shutupheather "eddie gets hurt on the job. the team meets and comforts his husband in the hospital waiting room." word count: 3.4k important tags: married buddie, alternative universe, hurt!eddie diaz, worried!evan buckley finally found it right here by: justhockey "he just wants to sleep. but then eddie is placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and shaking. - “buck, what did you just say?” - buck huffs out a sigh. “i said maddie is in lab-“ - Oh fuck. word count: 3.4k important tags: coming out, babies, fluff

explicit rated secret relationship fics mature rated secret relationship fics

[deeplyobsessed]

ok so i’m gonna ramble in sections

section 1: cgi moustache

FUCKING HILARIOUS like it was so bad it was funny HELP also buck’s hair was season 8 hair too it’s so funny like WHY did they reuse this HAHA

section 2: confession part 1

as short of a scene as it was, this was really nicely shot imo. and the tears in eddie’s eyes when he spoke like RYAN GUZMAN UR SO GOOD. but also how does buck (best friend) rank about girlfriend like hmmmmmmm

section 3: FUCKING ABBY

I CLOCKED IT I KNEW IT i know we always joke about 911 having continuity issues but THIS was such a good way to call back season 1 like insane writing tim minear and i love u for it

section 4: the divorce call

i wish they did more with this call like there was potential to call back to eddie/shannon but they didn’t. other than that i think honestly this is one of the grossest calls they’ve ever been on like genuinely icked the hell out of me with the guts like ugh gross

section 5: josh’s speech

as much as people hate on tommy, i do think josh’s explanation of things does give some sort of context to the way tommy acted in the past. like yeah racism and sexism is bad don’t get me wrong, but tommy did make an effort to change. it’s just that with society and his own work place back then, tommy prob had a lot of internalised homophobia that he expressed negatively outward to others (chim and hen in particular). but josh made a very good point with his speech about pre glee and post glee world (great reference, 10/10) and i think this was one of my favourite parts of this episode

section 6: confession part 2

ok first of all there was literally NO NEED to add that “im straight” “im celibate” part. like that was intentionally written into the script for something bcos that entire section could have been done without the sexuality mention. tim minear i see you. other than that FATHER BRIAN YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS. my fav line he said was “but we can’t take care of others if we don’t first take care of ourselves”. bcos this is true!! and also a line used in therapy a lot cough. anyway i think the conversation eddie had with the priest was like a wake up call to eddie to start getting his head out of his ass and start working towards something. love this scene 10/10

section 7: brothers and pipes

most of this call was focused on the brothers part more than the well scene call back, tho there was a throw away line from bobby to eddie about how (eddie) wouldn’t fit this time. i do wonder if this happened irl would fire departments legally be authorised to allow children to help with rescues tho. otherwise honestly this was a very cute scene that helped chim get some introspection. i do wish there was more of a well scene call back tho :(

section 8: buck tommy breakup

as a buddie fan, i am overjoyed. but as a buck fan, i am devastated. tommy is actually one of my favourite love interests for buck, and its not just because he’s a dude and sexual awakening all that. i genuinely do think buck and tommy could have had a lot of potential if the show had decided to go through with it, but at the same time ending it here was also a relatively good note. i think in this relationship it wasn’t actually buck who wasn’t ready, it was tommy. tommy is afraid of things not working out in the long run bcos he doesn’t believe in buck’s affection for him being long term. this whole breakup was bcos tommy wasn’t ready imo. i do see the point tommy was trying to make but i also think it was a bit of a dick move to do the whole breakup immediately after buck asked tommy to move in with him. like the timing could have been better tommy. tommy being the one who decided to end things did surprise me tho. but now i feel really sad for buck bcos buck did like tommy a lot, and also as a queer person your first queer relationship is always going to mean a lot to you

section 9: MADNEY MADNEY MADNEY

HOLY MOTHER OF- i didn’t see this coming i didn’t but i am so here for it. the amount of trust and communication between chim and maddie is literal relationship GOALS like they lay out the boundaries and have healthy discussions about having another kid and it’s just so UGHHHH I LOVE YOU also maddie already being pregnant FJSJCKSK MORE BABIES

section 10: eddie, the moustache, and the dance

this. was. everything. the significance of shaving off the moustache. the dancing at the end?? no pants too was a choice. like when eddie flops back onto the couch and you see his smile, it’s like you truly see him deciding to finally forgive himself. maybe not completely, because there’s always going to be some guilt he carries around, but he’s moving forward and i’m so, so happy for him. it’s just a fun goofy feel good scene and i love love love this.

special mention: buddie and the couch

i actually think this is the first time both of them are on the couch together. like sitting next to each other with no one else. RETURN OF THE COUCH THEORY WELCOME BACK. ok but the ending scene?? the way they don’t even need words to communicate like- buck not even bothering to question why eddie doesn’t have pants, and eddie not even questioning why buck is here with beer in the first place. the level of mutual understanding has my HEART IN PIECES

overall this is honestly my fav ep this season and one of my fav eps of all time. i can’t wait to see how the story moves on from here ahhhhhhh

[swiftiefirefighters]

the one thing that just makes me feral is when people imply that eddie doesn’t care about christopher and never considers him about any decision he ever makes when actually part of the problem is that at times he considers christopher to a fault and to his own detriment. he has made one shitty, horrible, selfish decision in like 5 years (bc i can’t ignore fight club arc, obviously) and it blew up in his face. my man saw a woman who looked exactly like his dead wife and idk WHO would act normally in that scenario, but having a little insanity about it probably makes him a bad boyfriend but NOT a bad man and definitely not a bad father.

this is not me saying chris doesn’t have the right to be angry. he does. i do think it’s been 3 months and at this point what is going on in el paso that he still won’t say 2 words to his father and i think eddie’s parents can shoulder some of the blame for continuing the cycle of diazes just running away from their problems instead of trying to face them.

i saw someone say that eddie hadn’t even tried with his son. that he hadn’t been genuine or vulnerable and that is just. he literally knelt on the ground in front of him heart open and said you are my son and i love you and you can always come home i will always love you. what more could you ask for with vulnerability. we don’t know what has happened in these three months. i don’t think a silly little party is the only contact he’s tried to make. it was just his latest attempt. it’s clear apologies aren’t working. it’s clear chris doesn’t want an explanation. so what is he going to do besides continue to show chris that he’s here even if chris doesn’t want to hear it.

and let’s be real. helena has thought from day one eddie was unfit to raise christopher on his own. this has just given her true ammo to feel like she’s right. who knows what she’s saying, maybe not even directly to chris, but where chris can hear, about BOTH of his parents because she hated shannon too. as someone with a shitty manipulative grandmother who did something very similar to my own mom with my old brother i just feel like even if she doesn’t realize it she is not even trying to do what’s best for ANYONE in this situation except for herself.

anyway, tldr, eddie diaz is a good man and a good father and he loves his son more than anything in this entire god damn world. he said years ago he would fight for him and he’s doing it in the best way he knows how - by showing his son he’s still there.

my man fucked up. he went a little insane and did some messy dumb shit. but he is NOT a bad person and fucking up doesn’t make you a bad parent. i can’t help but wonder if that’s part of the problem tho. that now chris has to see his dad as a human who fucks up and not just a hero who saves people. and that’s a hard fucking lesson to learn.

[lesbianrobin]

the Way I would Totally Read the BuckAbby fic you just described,, concept so delicious, but so curious how and if maddie coming back and or eddie joining the 118 would have any impact at all!! esp cuz maddie's return had her be like this is my brother's longest relationship and i can't help but notice she hasn't been there for most of it

but what if she is there??? and the people around buck can kinda tell she's checking out but stayin g out of guilt, and like what do you even say that at that point???

and like does lawsuit play into this? THE POSSIBILITIES

RIGHTTTTT like oh my god. the maddie-abby dynamic would be INSANE.

so i think maddie is actually like. the first thing that makes abby stick around. like suddenly this sister shows up and she's clearly fleeing an abusive relationship so abby's like ok well i shouldn't just ditch him rn he didn't ditch me when my mother got worse! and she figures she'll hang around until maddie gets settled in la. and at this point maddie's mostly just intrigued by this woman that her brother's in a serious relationship with like i think she's excited to get to know her!

and then just when abby thinks that she's good to go, maddie gets kidnapped. and as soon as she thinks enough time has passed since maddie's kidnapping, buck gets ladder trucked. etc etc. and somewhere along the way the buck/abby relationship gets just poisoned with resentment and buck refuses to see it meanwhile everyone else but Especially maddie is like buck... this is Not Good... and i think that maddie actually becomes extremely anti-abby because after her experience with doug she's like sorry but Zero tolerance for unhealthy relationship dynamics with my baby brother. and this isn't me saying i think abby becomes abusive or anything just that i think the relationship becomes very unhealthy and maddie's sensitive to that which perhaps drives a wedge between her and buck as maddie tries to ask prodding questions and he gets defensive of his relationship.

also. this is gonna sound very bold but i think witnessing a relationship where one party is obviously staying entirely out of guilt and obligation might have gotten eddie on the divorce train with shannon sooner. like i'm not saying it would have butterfly effect saved her life but i Do think it could have potentially aided eddie in his processing of their marriage after her death.

re: lawsuit here's the thing. i do think that at some point abby hits her limit and she just Leaves. like she can't face buck and say it so she straight up just leaves him a note and dips. and i think it might be incredibly likely that this limit comes after the tsunami. it's like a Sign for abby yknow this insane natural disaster occurs and she's like ok there's literally Never gonna be a good time to leave him i just have to bite the bullet and Do It. plus assuming she was working during the tsunami i see her being like i am DONE with this fuckass hell job.

so. now i am imagining lawsuit era buck except he is also trying to process the fact that his girlfriend of like two years just left him without even having the courtesy to break up with him to his face. and the humiliating realization that everyone around him saw it coming before he did and Told him and he insisted they were wrong. GOD. wow. okay.

[lover-of-mine]

What is your sunlight theory about?

Hi, baby, buckle up, because this one is crazy. I don't know if you're familiar with the construction on sunset theory, I'll link some posts that will explain that better than I can here and here, but basically, you have the way everything about Ana in season 4 and the beginning of that relationship, happens around Sunset Boulevard, and you have the way Eddie is late coming back from the date in 4x08 because "there was construction on sunset" and he had to take a detour and then Buck and Eddie proceed to have one of the most domestic buddie scene in the show, all that after the most awkward date ever with Ana, created this whole "Ana was a detour on Eddie's way to Buck" (particularly, I love this as someone who views the shooting as Eddie's oh moment, and I know the show is gonna take that away from me, but it will be my truth until they do) and considering we as a fandom like to take things and run with them, that became a whole thing because Eddie has some sun imagery attached to him when it comes to relationships, which is definitely not just about Buck, even more with the way he's sitting on the sunset reading Shannon's letter, but like, we have the painting on Pepa's house behind Vanessa, stuff like that, but we also have things like Buck using sunset colors to draw his heart on the "I misunderstood the assignment" scene. I have been curious about the sunlight of it all since I wrote this post, because with one episode, and the fact that we don't know if the sun is setting or rising during the locker scene, I couldn't really create a pattern that would lead me anywhere. Then the loft stills leaked. Because then we would have 2 scenes where the sun seems to be important a few episodes apart, but I hadn't really thought about the construction on sunset angle until this picture.

Because paired with the sunset light on Buck's bi awakening, and the sunset light here, I'm making the executive decision that yeah, the sun was setting in the locker room.

I don't want to say Tommy is a detour, Tommy started a huge discovery for Buck that Buck wouldn't realize alone, but an anon pointed out how maybe they hurt Eddie so that he couldn't show up at the loft so that we could have the Tommy, so they quite literally had some detour happening during a sunset, like what the fuck?

But I'm really interested in the blue aspect of the scenes. @stagefoureddiediaz has some really interesting color and costume metas, including one on the use of yellow and blue in season 5, that talks about how yellow is a color used for communication and blue is a color used for, like, introspection, which could mean something interesting is cooking here. Because Buck's shirt in the basketball is blue, his shirt on the loft is blue, Eddie's shirt in the locker room is also blue and Buck's jacket also has blue detailing.

We know Buck and Eddie will have an important conversation, but that associated with the sunset theory, and they were literally on the sunset, I think the sun is finally actually setting now. No more detours. Only the discoveries they need to have in order to work as a couple. Buck's bisexuality is huge on that front, and I don't wanna say Eddie is gonna suddenly look at Buck after he comes out and be like 👀👀👀, but at the same time Eddie "questioning his place in the world" could very much be Eddie looking at Buck and being like "oh, that's an option?" especially if he's having trouble connecting with Marisol (random addon but with the sunset being a detour for Eddie, I think is hysterical that Marisol is named Marisol, because her name sounds like "Mar e Sol" and that's literally "Sea and Sun" in Portuguese, Spanish too but I don't really speak Spanish so it wasn't my initial connection there, and the sun setting on the sea it's a thing, and I feel insane for typing this out, but it's there, her name is the detour), this could mean they are gonna talk, and work through things, and get closer the way Ryan and Oliver keep teasing and reach the conclusion they are meant to be together.

Okay addon you don't know it's an addon because you're seeing this post as a whole thing at once but I hadn't thought to look at other buddie conversations until right now, but that particular pattern of light being present in 2 scenes where we see them finally be honest with each other makes it even more interesting to me really.

Because if you look at Buck's bisexual awakening as a moment of Buck being honest with himself and the locker room as Buck being honest about why he got in the relationship with Natalia, the sun behind Eddie, if it's only behind Eddie, could sparkle Eddie into some honesty himself and about himself, and that's what they need, open and honest communication. Because if yellow is used for communication, the sun could be being used for honesty.

But that's just a theory. A game theory. (sorry I said it out loud and had to add it oskaoskaoskas)

Anyway, that's all I have right now, if you read this I love you 🫶

[thetokentrans]

so I have thoughts about this week's episode of 911. My partner and I ranted at one another when we watched it yesterday, and I need to put my thoughts out into the world. Spoilers under the cut. Also tagged though, just to be safe.

Alright so, I wanna say first that while I've mostly enjoyed this season, some of the arcs and basically all of the pacing has me really frustrated? And not frustrated because of cliffhangers and not frustrated because the writing wants me to be. Frustrated because the pacing has been far too quick - though, I expect the super truncated season is to be blamed for that - but also some of the writing and character arcs just..... Do not fit the vibe of the show up until this season? Plus, the lack of calls/focus on characters personal lives has also got me sad. Like, I love the characters and love seeing the peeks into their loves, but I really hope the show doesn't maintain the equation of one big emergency, a few calls sprinkled through out the season, and then mostly focused on the characters lives because *I* preferred the balance it was before. Or would have been happy with a tiny bit more focus on their personal lives, but not to the extent it is now, know?

Eddie and Kim are a great example. Especially what it culminated to in 7x09. It just makes no God damned sense and does not fit Eddie's characterization in my opinion? It came out of left field. It's a really, really weird god damned story line. I *am* glad that Buck approached Eddie about it AS SOON as he learned about the situation though. Like if it wasn't anything, Eddie... You wouldn't have hid her from Buck OR Marisol. If it wasn't anything, you wouldn't have lied and said you didn't have a gf. And it frustrates me that before this episode, he had been looking back on his relationship with Shannon with such rose colored glasses and forgetting the very large, sort of insurmountable issues that they had. Though that isn't out of character for him, I just hated it. Lol

And the stuff with the councilwoman in this episode also made me insanely angry. And went way too quick. Politicians can grease a lot of wheels but that entire situation - Maria's adoption getting stopped, AND her getting ripped out of their house because their foster license got revoked - really felt like it happened way too quick and should have raised some red flags/encountered some road blocks in the system???

Also I hate that NO ONE outside of Athena seemed to question Bobby's definitely very weird behavior. Like I feel like super anxious to every change in someone's demeanor Buck, and INSANELY perceptive Hen would have picked up that something was wrong????

Also idk man, Athena going to Amir, AND BRINGING HIM INTO HER HOUSE THAT HAS ALL OF THIS EVIDENCE OF HOW GOOD BOBBY HAS IT NOW - even if Bobby doesn't think he deserves it, even if Bobby has been stewing in his self loathing basically since childhood and his dad dying - to help with Bobby's spiralings/self destruction cycle felt a little out of characterly naive of her?

Like.. I don't think he's the one who set the house on fire at the end of the episode - I did at first, but my partner pointed out that it'd be the too obvious choice - but I just don't think either Bobby OR Amir are ready for that. And I feel like history shows, and her characterization shows, that she'd be more perceptive and realize that.

That being said, some things I *liked* about the episode:

Chim getting to clapback at racist homophobic Gerrard (spelling?) at the award ceremony

Bobby telling Buck that he knows Tommy is good for him because Buck hasn't spiraled about their relationship/ranted about it to him.

Buck telling Eddie that he's worried about him. That interaction, Buck calling Eddie out, it felt good and like the 911 I'm used to.

Athena calling Bobby out on his self destruction cycle. I do wish she would have pointed out how often she has leaned on him (as much as a chronically independent woman like her, can anyway) especially when it came to finally solving her fiancé's murder for instance.

Idk man, the show just doesn't feel the same as it has in the past and I'm really hoping it's because of the change in network and is just an adjustment period.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Ok so I’ve been chatting on discord with @theladyyavilee @mistmarauder and like you do I had a lightbulb moment!! Jess is an enabler and made me make this post so I’m sorry everyone in advance!!!

We are talking tsunami and the next level layering the writers have been doing. I really love that this show rewards us for rewatching and really looking at the details! 

I was rewatching the tsunami arc for watery reasons and it got me thinking about the line the incident command dude says (3x02 15:29 if you want to watch for yourself!)

 ‘we’ve already had two [waves] so far and can expect another 4or 5 before it starts to recede’ 

Well that got me thinking about it being deeper than a throw away line about the fact that tsunamis aren’t just a single wave of devastation, but actually multiple waves. We’re currently doing so research to establish when the water theme actually starts but I’m currently wondering if this line is the possible beginning of the water metaphor - the two waves we’ve had being what precedes the tsunami - so the truck bombing and Shannon’s death. 

Then the 4-5 expected waves to come after being the show telling us that there will be 4-5 things happen before we get to canon Buddie - before the water finds it’s level. The waves we’ve had since then are the well, the shooting and the lightning strike making 3 and we can maybe include Eddie’s breakdown as another one (although I’m not sure) which makes 4. We also know there’s going to be some big disaster at the end of the season (two trapped dads theory my beloved) which could take us to either 4 or 5 (depending on if we include the breakdown or not) suggesting that perhaps water will find its level the the end of this season/ the beginning of the next season and therefore Buddie canon will happen shortly thereafter!

If we think about everything in a little more detail and think about how those 4-5 more expected waves would decrease in strength each time (as the water settles back to its level) and them being key marking points in their relationship - the most intense ones that have the biggest impact - being at the beginning and clearing a path for the subsequent ones which are no less important, but having seemingly less dramatic results as they are just building on what’s already there.

But lets, for a minute, go right back to the beginning - back to season two - things then begin to make even more sense - tsunamis are started/created by underwater earthquakes which means the earthquake in s2 is the starting point for everything (If that’s how this came about the writers of this show are so genius I can’t even begin to put into words how much I love them and their insane cleverness!) it is the big event that sets everything that comes after into motion - and it is the event that actually establishes buddifer (Buck mets Chris post earthquake when he drives Eddie to pick him up from school).

Then you get that vacuum where all the water heads away from land as the tsunami builds its strength - Christophers line ‘Where did all the water go’ is kind of a metaphor for the vacuum created with Shannon’s death. She was Christopher’s previous water level - his having two parents (even if she was absent he still carried hope that she would return - then she did. Her loss creates turbulence for him (and Eddie and by extension Buck) and his waters are no longer level. I love the idea of this vacuum being created at this moment, but the events leading to it had already been set in motion before she even came back into the picture - that this massive change was already incoming. 

The truck bomb is the first wave - and actually thats when we see Eddie’s attachment to Buck in a physical way - the hand holding - and it leads to our first Buddie hug (and technically the second as well). It also marks the point where we end up with both of them being single.

The tsunami is wave 2 - the big shift here is obviously the deepening of  Buck and Christopher’s relationship - the biggest and most important pivotal thing after Buck and Eddie’s own developing relationship - because Buck having an independent and strong relationship with Chris is a requirement if buddie are going to work - the show needs to establish them having their own special bond which is separate from Chris and Eddie and from the 3 of them together as a unit.

With those two things established - the two big waves - then the smaller waves can surge in - they don’t need to reach as far because the base has been created by the first two waves - their path has already been cleared making these subsequent waves’ jobs are ‘easier’.

So wave 3 (or wave 1 of the 4-5 further waves) is the well - with it comes the big and key change of the will - and we continue the link to water.

Wave 4 (wave 2 of the further waves) is the shooting which as well as revealing the will, independently continues to further the father-son relationship between Buck and Chris. I can’t think of any obvious watery connections here - beyond the pool of Eddies blood we see spilling onto the asphalt. 

If we assume Wave 5 (wave 3 of the further waves) is Eddie’s breakdown - which ties all 3 of them closer together and establishes just how deep the level of trust is between Buck and Eddie. there isn’t an obvious water connection to Eddies breakdown - beyond the tears - but the episode itself involves several water related accidents or scenes (Shark cage rescue, and all the fish from the freezer and we get Maddie playing with Jee in the bathtub as well).

Then wave 6 (wave 4 of the further waves) is the lightning strike - which just continues to build on all that’s come before - it doesn’t really reveal anything new just leads to a big jump in the amount of buddifer scenes we’ve had since. again we have a watery connection with the heavy rain!

And the potential final wave is the one we haven’t seen (which would be wave 5 of the further waves)- but could be the two trapped dads of it all - both of them being at risk at the same time and the realisation that potentially comes out of that - it not necessarily being a confession moment, but the moment before it - before the waters calm and find their level and then they’ll be in the right place to move forward - together!! We know there is a watery connection to whatever this happens to be from the bts we’ve had - filming at the Queen Mary and the road collapse is next to/ over water.

So there we have it - either the writers set out the roadmap to Buddie way back when, or I’ve gone insane and should probably be locked up in an institution - I leave it to you to decide which!

[elvensorceress]

tease tidbit tuesday tagged by @spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @hoodie-buck @wikiangela @tizniz @disasterbuckdiaz tagging @demieddiediazz @demisexual-eddie-diaz @try-set-me-on-fire @giddyupbuck @daffi-990 if you want to share something

from the Unless chapter I just posted 👀

Eddie has never had so much sex in his whole life. 

Attempted sex? If it’s not really what most people would consider sex in a technical sense and it ends up more or less one-sided but there’s still sexual contact or intention, does that still count as sex? Eddie thinks it counts. 

Everything with Buck counts. 

Though Eddie doesn’t know what the hell other people actually think or do in bed. Or wherever they choose to fuck that is not a bed. He doesn’t know normal from batshit insane. Not when it comes to sex. Not really. Eddie has never done this so much. Not even when he and Shannon were first experimenting with it. Not when they were trying to rekindle or salvage whatever they could and met up once or twice a week. Never this much sex in such a short time period. 

Every chance he and Buck have, they try something. Whenever they need to shower, when they wake up tangled together, whenever Chris is asleep, as soon as they arrive home from dropping him off at school because he’s finally healed and so happy to be out of the house even if it is for education and not recreation. Then Buck and Eddie have most of their whole day to do nothing but be together. 

Try to be together? 

It’s still— Eddie’s trying.

Everything is very new and unfamiliar. Not because he’s never had sex and doesn’t know what to expect. But having someone around who wants to kiss him and hold him and touch him, who Eddie wants all those things from, that is so different. It is so unusual. He needs to get used to it. 

They’re working on it. He’s working on it. He’s the problem, not Buck. And it takes time and effort and there are steps that unfortunately can’t be skipped. Sometimes it’s just intense making out and grinding against each other. Sometimes hands slip under clothes and there’s rubbing and squeezing and heat almost touches Eddie because Buck shudders and sobs and comes underneath him, in his arms. 

It’s good. It’s so good and Eddie kisses him and loves him and tells him how good he feels. Because he feels so good. Being with him is so, so good. 

It’s just not quite enough to get Eddie there with him. For whatever reason. All the reasons? But he’s trying. They’re trying. They’re working on it. 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

126!!! You might get this chapter finished damn.

---

She wouldn’t want him there, anyway. 

“It’s not what I want,” she says, in a very tiny, very tragic voice.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“It’s not what I want, Eddie. It’s what I thought I should do. For all of us.”

Eddie stays silent. He has no idea what she means by that. Obviously another kid wouldn’t be easy. Obviously it would change a lot and stretch things even thinner. He’s not stupid. He’s the primary caregiver for the kid they have now. But he’d said he was game, hadn’t he? How could ending the pregnancy and leaving him possibly be for his benefit? He wants them to be family. Whether that be with one kid or two. 

“But…” Tears spill down her cheeks. “I don’t think I can. When I was hit, and I thought… I can’t do it, Eddie. I’m sorry.”

Eddie sighs. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

She frowns. “I don’t want you to say anything.”

How can that be true? He needs to do something, right? He needs to do the correct thing. He tried. She didn’t want it. That was without a baby in mind. Now there is a baby in mind and he can’t do the correct thing. Right? He can only fail. All his fucking life, all Eddie can do is fail.

“Do you still want a divorce?” Eddie asks. 

She looks exasperated. “Yes, Eddie. That… None of what I said has changed.”

Right.

“But you do want to keep the baby?” Eddie asks.

“I think so… I… Yes. I can’t… Yes.”

Eddie sighs. “I don’t want to have a child out there and not be involved in their life, Shannon. I won’t do that again.”

“I wouldn’t want you not to be,” she says. “I swear, Eddie. That was never the goal here.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s not sure he believes her. He hates it, but he’s not sure. But what’s the alternative? What choice does he have? Forget keeping their marriage together. If they can’t get along now, what? She disappears again and takes their kid with her? Eddie can’t live with that.

“Stay married to me, then.” He says.

“Eddie,” she groans. 

“Just until they’re born,” he amends, motioning vaguely at her abdomen. “My health insurance is way better than yours. You might need physio after this, for your shoulder. Just… Just do that, okay? Let me do that.”

If she won’t let him provide a home and a family, at least that. And, at the very least, it gives him a buffer window to try and fix things.Though, after today, a rather significant part of him says that he shouldn’t. Even if it’s what’s right. 

She sighs. “That’s… That’s kind. Thank you.”

A silence falls between them. There’s so much to figure out. So much. And Eddie doesn’t have a blueprint for any of it. He has always had a path to follow. And somehow, she always manages to do things that knock him off course. 

iii.

Buck christens his new apartment right away. The modern-feeling, bachelor-style loft with exposed bricks and natural lighting to die for. It’s kind of a steal, at the price he’s getting it. 

Before anything but the bedding is unpacked, Buck and Ali are breaking it in. So to say. Or maybe she’s breaking him in, really. He really has no idea where she’s got the energy, after a morning spent moving boxes. 

She’s on top of him, setting the pace, holding his wrists back. She likes to take control. Always has. He’s into it. He’s flexible. Sometimes it’s nice to turn your brain off and let someone else do all the decision making. Especially when it involves watching her - naked, lithe, and gorgeous - and orgasming. He really can’t complain. 

“Isn’t this nicer?” Ali says when they’re done, and she’s climbing off of him. “Your own big boy apartment, where we can screw whenever we want?”

He exhales through his nose, a little surprised. It’s an odd way of thinking. He’s not even two full years into his career, living in one of the priciest cities in the country, and had to try and find a new place after a sort of complicated break up. Is it really that insane that he spent a few months on an air mattress at his sister’s? 

He doesn’t argue this point, though. 

“I like the sound of that,” he says instead. 

“What time is Eddie coming to help you put the furniture together?” Ali asks. “Do you have time for a long shower?”

Buck likes the sound of that, too.

“Uh, I don’t know if he is anymore,” he admits. “What? Why?” Ali asks. 

“Uh… His wife got hit by a car two days ago and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Not that Buck hasn’t tried texting him. He has definitely tried to check in.  “What? His wife died?” 

“No!” Buck is quick to assure her. “No, Jesus. She’s just injured. But it sounded… Complicated.”

[sortasirius]

Another day, another episode I’ll have to put myself through again because I was too stressed out and I know I missed a ton.

But in the meantime, here are my buddie centric thoughts, I’ll do another post on just Buck:

This is the first time that we’ve really had Buck in a life-threatening situation in front of the whole team that they could rush in to immediately. The crew wasn’t there during the tsunami and they couldn’t just run in when he got crushed by the truck because of the bomber, so to see the reaction from all of them about this horrible freak accident, it was something else.

We’ve seen Buck lose it twice when Eddie nearly died (buried alive and shot) and that desperation that he showed is mirrored in a way with Eddie. Screaming Buck’s name, the parallel of Eddie trying to drag him back onto the ladder, the same way Buck dragged Eddie under the rig when he was shot. Two sides of the same coin.

Eddie trying to take over compressions from Chim before Bobby has to actually rip him away and tell him he’s driving.

“We’ll do our best.”

“Do better.”

The way Eddie is clearly about to lose it when they wheel Buck away, held up by the rest of the crew.

And then…Chris. Chris, who insists on seeing Buck, “I have to talk to him.” Yet another parallel of Eddie having to talk to Chris about what happened to Buck the way Buck had to talk to Chris about what happened to Eddie. How they both lose it when they talk about losing the other.

And you can see, when they’re in the room and Chris is asking questions, how Eddie is at a distance, and shakes his head at once point when Chris can’t see, never directly looking at Buck the entire time he’s in the room.

The most insane thing about this is that it’s the only time we see Eddie in Buck’s hospital room when he’s unconscious. We see everyone else in there repeatedly, but not Eddie. Why? They’re best friends, surely he would want to be there for him.

But the thing is, I don’t think he can. Looking at the scene with Chris, how he refuses to get near Buck’s bed, how he won’t even look directly at him, Ryan Guzman says it all without saying a word.

He can’t be in there, he can’t look at Buck because looking at him like that, with the tubes and the ECMO, it makes it real that he could die. That Eddie could lose him.

Plus, Eddie is a paramedic, he knows what an induced coma and ECMO mean, even more so when you take into account that Chim literally tells him when Shannon is dying that, if they intubate her, she likely won’t wake up. He’s reliving that all over again, grappling with the idea that Buck will never wake up, that he’ll never speak to him again.

I truly think the only reason he went in that room was because Chris demanded it. And it’s not because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to, it’s because he can’t stand to think that he might lose him.

It’s so fascinating how similar their reactions are, but are marked by their distinct personalities. Buck goes to pieces, screaming and desperate, while Eddie shuts in on himself, so that not even Chris can really get through to him. Eddie trying to pull Buck up while Buck tried to dig Eddie up. Eddie keeps his distance when Buck wakes up, where Buck was there the moment Ana called.

This feels important, to finally have a similar moment for Eddie when we’ve had it twice for Buck, the idea of losing one another, reckoning with that potential grief, a window into what would happen to one of the other died. Truly haunting acting choices from Ryan, it made me see more than ever that Buck is truly number two in Eddie’s life, only behind Christopher.

[welcometololaland]

wip wednesday

y'all - i feel like i've been so fucking annoying lately but i'm here to request one thing of you - give me some juicy snippets to read because i'm finally on top of my shit. and i've always wanted to start wip wednesday (for all i know someone has already started it but don't rain on my parade! let me live in denial) and now i maybe can. This is from ALTA which is (omg) so close to being posted. 10 days. fuck. i'm not ready (i am).

“She’s really gone, isn’t she?” TK asks, his voice breaking as his head remains burrowed into Carlos’ shoulder. He’s stopped shaking now, which Carlos takes to be a good sign, but he’s cried so persistently that the whole front of Carlos’ jacket is wet. 

He pauses, leans back and cups TK’s face in his hands, using his thumbs to brush away a few errant tears. He briefly considers making a passionate speech about TK’s mother being dead but not gone – living on in his heart – but then he decides for pragmatism. He thinks TK will appreciate that more, anyway.

“Yes,” he says simply. “But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to accept.”

TK sniffs, his glazed eyes staring helplessly into Carlos’ own. “What do I do now, Carlos?”

Carlos sighs, brushing away another of TK's tears. “I’m not really sure, TK,” he admits. “But right now, I can take you home. It might be nice to cry somewhere that isn’t your high school computer lab.”

A tiny, hesitant smile appears at the corners of TK’s mouth. “I think my dad will be relieved,” he says. “He keeps asking why I haven’t cried yet, like it's some kind of crime.”

“Well, he’s definitely going to be pleased to see you,” Carlos points out, as TK nods tearfully. 

“Could you— Do you mind coming with me?” TK asks as Carlos steps back and drops his hands. “I don’t really want to be alone and my dad is driving me nuts. My other friends…they wouldn’t understand.”

“I hope they do understand, TK,” Carlos replies solemnly, collecting his books and following TK out of the darkened classroom. “I think everyone will do their best to support you.”

TK makes a non-committal sound as they walk down the empty hall – devoid of students – amplifying the sound of their sneakers on the linoleum. “Not like you,” he says, after a pause. “I know we’ve only been friends for a little bit, but you’re different.”

“Oh yeah?” Carlos asks, pushing open the front doors and following TK down the steps. “In what way?”

TK pauses, looking back up at Carlos as he descends the stairs, a pensive look on his face. “You’re good, Carlos,” he replies simply. “You’re good for me.”

Open tag for anyone to share but also some targeted attacks under the cut (with insane requests, feel free to ignore me)!!!

@theghostofashton (need some exes to lovers PLEASE), @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut (boxing AU boxing AU!), @goodways (got a tasty treat shannon?) @reyesstrand (food fic???) @strandnreyes (please don't hurt me but you can if you want) @rmd-writes (just because i love you) @heartstringsduet (FIRST AID?!) @carlos-in-glasses (what's next up CIG?) @birdclowns (your wip snippet game has me blurry eyed, i must know more) @fitzherbertssmolder (any comic progress?) @louis-ii-reyes-strand (been loving your snippets) @lilythesilly (fighter pilot AU?!) @kiloskywalker (tarlos fighter pilot AU????) @sanjuwrites (soulmates????) @three-drink-amy (teacher AU teacher AU teacher AU!!) @chicgeekgirl89 (any yachts about?) @lemonlyman-dotcom (some music fic for my ears???) @wandering-night19 (4 x 18 coda???) @thisbuildinghasfeelings (cross stitching update??!!!) @freneticfloetry (something from the soulmates timer fic???) @alrightbuckaroo (summer parisian au my beloved!!!!) @cha-melodius (you've got mail AU????) @redshirt2 (anything you would like to contribute, i'd just love you to keep feeding me!) @iboatedhere (how are those prompts???) @orchidscript (lovingly bullying you to keep writing) @marjansmarwani (i know the words are hard but also i am lovingly bullying you as well <3) @morganaspendragonss (has angst queen got anything this week?) @lightningboltreader (THAT ANGSTY ONE BED THING I AM SCARED BUT I WANT)

[phoenixexho]

9-1-1 Fic WIP

Lena laughed, “Maybe you’re just gay.”

“Ha ha. But I’m being serious here. I don’t know what my issue is. I mean she’s the perfect woman for me.” He dodge out of the way of one of her incoming punches.

“I never met her but she’s fucking gorgeous. Like insanely so. You lost big time.”

“Gee thanks, you really know how to make a guy feel better.” He landed a particularly hard kick to her side knocking her balance for a moment. “Yeah, she’s pretty.” He said, stepping back out of her space. “Her and Chris got along so well, I feel bad for taking her away from him.”

“You feel bad about your son not being able to see your ex? Not about the breakup?”

“Ugh I don’t know Lena.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“I do feel bad about the breakup. I miss her, but I was having panic attacks. Like every time I thought about a future with her I just…”

He shook his head, squaring back up. Lena hesitantly matched his stance, she probably wanted to stop and have this conversation. But that was one thing he loved about Lena, she wasn’t the touchy feely type, if he didn’t want to talk about feelings with her, he didn’t have to.

“Maybe I’m just not over Shannon. Being with Ana didn’t ever feel as comfortable as being with her. I don’t expect all my relationships to feel the same, I’m pretty sure it’s normal for them not to but that would sort of make sense.”

Lena scoffed, “What do you mean you're ‘pretty sure that’s normal’?” her tone lightheartedly mocking.

“Ana was only my second girlfriend” He admitted, suddenly a bit embarrassed.

“Shit, dude. You married your first girlfriend ever?” She sounded shocked.

He shrugged, “I got her pregnant. Not like I had much of a choice.”

“So you didn’t want to marry her?”

“I- I probably wouldn’t’ve married her if she didn’t get pregnant, no. But I loved her. I loved her a lot. And I think she might have been the only one I ever could marry. I don’t know that I’ll ever find someone I feel that comfortable around again.”

“Marriage isn’t about comfort, it’s about love.”

“Yeah, but you can’t marry someone you have panic attacks over a future with either. There’s gotta be comfort too.”

“Usually comfort comes with love.”

“Yeah. Well I don’t think I loved her either if I’m honest with myself.”

Lena didn’t say anything.

Eddie sighed, “Look, I don’t understand it so don’t expect an explanation. But I just kept waiting for the feelings to come and they never did. I mean, she’s everything I’ve been looking for, she’s so good with Chris and yet I never felt a thing for her.”

“Why’d you ask her out then?”

“I just said? She’s everything I’ve been looking for and she was interested in me. Why wouldn’t I have?”

He couldn't quite read Lena’s expression, something akin to pity in her eyes, “Why’d you ask Shannon out?”

He cocked his head at her, “Uhh I didn’t. She asked me out. We were best friends. I loved her before we even went on our first date. Not really something I can re-create. I know love takes time, it did with Shannon, that time just passed before we dated.”

“Sure, yeah. Why didn’t you ask her out then?”

He shrugged, “Never thought about it. I didn’t really put my feelings into context until she asked I guess.”

“You don’t have to question your feelings like that when you actually have a crush on someone.”

“Lena, what are you trying to say? I loved her. I have never doubted that for a second. I loved being married to her.”

“The marriage you spent running away because you didn’t want it?”

“I was a kid, I wasn’t ready, and I lost her by the time I finally was ready.”

“And I am sorry for that. But…god please don’t kill me for saying this. Are you sure your love for her was romantic?”

“Lena, she was my wife.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It should be!”

“Look, Eddie, I’m trying to help. So just like, hear me out a second. For a long time I thought I liked men, I came out as bi before I realized I’m a lesbian. Society has these expectations of us. Especially for women, but knowing the bit I do about the way you grew up, you can probably relate more than a majority of men. We’re expected to fit inside this box, we grow up hearing what our relationships are supposed to look like and it gets hard to separate what you’re ‘supposed’ to want from what you actually want. But when I really sat down to think about it, I just liked the idea of being with a man, the way it made me seem ‘normal’ to an outsider. It wasn’t an easy realization but I am so much happier now that I’m not trying to be something I’m not.”

“Lena...”

“I’m not saying I know better than you do. I just want you to consider it.”

“I’m not- I thought you were joking?”

“I was, but then you started talking and it sounded familiar.”

“Well you’re wrong.”

“Okay.” She didn’t look like she believed him but dropped it anyway.

[faybellesbeauty]

A info dump you say?

I also just LOVEEEEEEEEEE dexven i made it clear on my blog but GOD! I just love the amount of love and devotion they have for one another, it's so wholesome and fluffy and i feel like both deserve to be with someone that loves them for THEM! and is supportive! And they honestly just deserve the world after being treated like outcasts, i also love how dexter understands raven so well because he's also familiar with the feeling of being a outcast🥹❤️

I would also like to wholeheartedly say that The first book was just 10/10 it was really the book where Shannon had explored dark themes, but i also like the wonderlandiful world because it gives us more on cedar and the wonderlandians!

I also kinda dislike the whole "Snow white is a villain" thing because it's practically the same as saying Apple is evil or a villain and i think it just takes a lot from both their characters, ok granted Snow doesn't have much but when you think about how the system and Grimms control has been going on for generations you can maybe take a few hints that Snow white is basically just a Version of what apple would have become(i also find it ridiculous to claim she's more evil than the EVIL queen simply because she was lacking on parenting skills, mind you! The evil queen was equally bad or even worse at being a parent)

I don't ship rapple mainly because the toxicity and all makes me so damn right uncomfortable when i imagine them in a fluffy relationship or such knowing that's not the case, i also just find their angst to be much more enjoyable? I see a unrequited love mainly because i always imagined it to be a fail romance where they both love each other but the attraction is at different levels, such as raven simply loving apple as a friend and Apple is just madly in love with her, i also think it would be such a slap in the face for apple and would be hurtful but let’s be fr, Rapples relationship is rooted in nothing but pain makes sense that even when it comes down to romance it’s hurtful somehow.

I actually didn't like Apple first(or so i thought) because of her selfishness, but really it was because her defenders/stans made it hard for me to genuinely fully like her took me some time but i absolutely fell in LOVE With her character, yeah she’s shitty,selfish and can be a bitch but she genuinely has such a valid reason to it! And she’s ambitious and can do some fucked up shit but damn i like it because she’s genuinely such a well written antagonist who’s driven by Trauma.

I am in Full support of Toxic bribelle cause let’s be fr everyone they would have some insane issues 🤞🏽

!!

(posting this without a response again because i dont have anything to add ^^)