#one fuck up doesn’t negate years and years of love and sacrifice

[swiftiefirefighters]

the one thing that just makes me feral is when people imply that eddie doesn’t care about christopher and never considers him about any decision he ever makes when actually part of the problem is that at times he considers christopher to a fault and to his own detriment. he has made one shitty, horrible, selfish decision in like 5 years (bc i can’t ignore fight club arc, obviously) and it blew up in his face. my man saw a woman who looked exactly like his dead wife and idk WHO would act normally in that scenario, but having a little insanity about it probably makes him a bad boyfriend but NOT a bad man and definitely not a bad father.

this is not me saying chris doesn’t have the right to be angry. he does. i do think it’s been 3 months and at this point what is going on in el paso that he still won’t say 2 words to his father and i think eddie’s parents can shoulder some of the blame for continuing the cycle of diazes just running away from their problems instead of trying to face them.

i saw someone say that eddie hadn’t even tried with his son. that he hadn’t been genuine or vulnerable and that is just. he literally knelt on the ground in front of him heart open and said you are my son and i love you and you can always come home i will always love you. what more could you ask for with vulnerability. we don’t know what has happened in these three months. i don’t think a silly little party is the only contact he’s tried to make. it was just his latest attempt. it’s clear apologies aren’t working. it’s clear chris doesn’t want an explanation. so what is he going to do besides continue to show chris that he’s here even if chris doesn’t want to hear it.

and let’s be real. helena has thought from day one eddie was unfit to raise christopher on his own. this has just given her true ammo to feel like she’s right. who knows what she’s saying, maybe not even directly to chris, but where chris can hear, about BOTH of his parents because she hated shannon too. as someone with a shitty manipulative grandmother who did something very similar to my own mom with my old brother i just feel like even if she doesn’t realize it she is not even trying to do what’s best for ANYONE in this situation except for herself.

anyway, tldr, eddie diaz is a good man and a good father and he loves his son more than anything in this entire god damn world. he said years ago he would fight for him and he’s doing it in the best way he knows how - by showing his son he’s still there.

my man fucked up. he went a little insane and did some messy dumb shit. but he is NOT a bad person and fucking up doesn’t make you a bad parent. i can’t help but wonder if that’s part of the problem tho. that now chris has to see his dad as a human who fucks up and not just a hero who saves people. and that’s a hard fucking lesson to learn.

[troquantary]

Edward Cullen: That Boy Ain’t Right

So I was doing a reread of @therealvinelle 's collection of Twilight metas, as one does, and in "Edward, Denial, and a Human Girlfriend" she mentions that she doesn't believe Edward is sane. I thought, "ha, yeah, he's definitely not," and also, "but wait, what does that mean exactly, please say more about that." But since she's already inundated with asks, I've decided to use my own head-muscle and explore this idea. (TL;DR: I start out more or less organized, synthesize some points Vinelle has made across several posts (and have hopefully linked to them all where relevant but please tell me if not), touch a little on narcissism, then take a hard left into the negative effects of being a telepath.)

Just a couple things to note at the outset, though. Theses have been written already (probably) about Edward as an abuser. Edward being insane doesn't negate that at all; he's definitely an asshole and just...a disaster of a human being. (I find it more funny than anything, but YMMV.) I'm also going to try to avoid talking specifically about mental illness and how it relates (or doesn't relate) to abusive behavior -- that's territory I'm not really equipped to discuss, like at all. My starting point is "Edward has a deeply warped perception of reality," not "Edward has X disorder."

So: deeply warped perception of reality. The evidence? Goes behind a cut, because my one character trait is Verbose.

Vinelle provides a great example of it in the post linked above, which I'll just quote because she does words good: "[Edward] keeps acting like his romance with Bella is a romantic tragedy, and all the cast of Twilight are actors on a stage making it as sublime as possible." Edward's the one to pursue Bella, but he does so with the full belief, from the very beginning, that it will never last; Bella will "outgrow" him, go on her human way, and he can spend the rest of eternity brooding magnificently over his too-short romantic bliss. [Insert premature ejaculation joke.] Turning her is never an option, even though Alice, Noted Psychic, says that romancing Bella will either end with her dead (exsanguinated) or dead (vampire).

This framing, where he's a dark anti-hero in love with -- but never tainting! -- the pure maiden and eventually leaving her in a grand, tragic sacrifice to preserve her soul? It's fucking bonkers. Bella isn't a person to him in this scenario. As Vinelle points out, Bella's never really a person to him at all; he falls in love with his own mental construct, cherry-picking from what he observes of her behavior and her responses to his 20 (thousand) Questions to convince himself that she is the ideal woman.

Bella's not the only one who gets the projection/cardboard-cutout treatment. Edward sees everything and everyone through a highly particular, personalized lens. He filters his entire reality, which we all do to an extent, but the thing with Edward is that he starts with his conclusions and then only pays attention to the evidence that supports those conclusions. Often that evidence consists of what he admits in New Moon are only "surface" thoughts -- but recognizing that limitation doesn't keep him from taking those thoughts as representative of what people are. Edward then becomes absolutely convinced by his own "reasoning" and won't be swayed from what he has decided is Objectively True. It's obvious with Bella; it's also painfully obvious with Rosalie. (Vinelle explains this and brings up Edward's raging Madonna/Whore complex in the same post, so refer to that again -- she's right.)

He also catastrophizes. Everything. Bella's just vibing in her room, rereading Wuthering Heights for the 87th time? She's gonna be hit by a meteor, better sneak into her room while she sleeps. Bella's going to the beach with the filthy mundanes their human classmates? She's gonna fall in the ocean. Jasper's cannibal pals are stopping by for a visit, but know not to hunt in the area? DISASTER, DEFCON 1, ALSO FUCK YOU JASPER FOR EVEN EXISTING IN MY AND BELLA'S SPHERE YOU UNSPEAKABLE BURDEN. Edward must believe that Bella is vulnerable and in near-constant peril, to support the reality he has created in which he is the villain turned protector and maybe?? hero??? (!!!) for his beloved. So when the actual, James-shaped danger arrives, he goes berserk, snarling and flipping his shit and generally not helping the situation. His fantasy demands that Bella remain human, so instead of doing the very thing Alice, Noted Psychic, assures him will neutralize the threat (and not just a threat to Bella, either, but to Bella's family and any other human James might decide to include in the "game"), he vetoes it immediately, no discussion. Bella Must Not Turn, and he sticks to those guns despite James nearly reducing her to ground beef, despite leaving Bella catatonic with depression (but human! success!) in New Moon, despite Aro's order and his family's vote and, let's not forget, Bella's clearly and repeatedly stated desire to be a vampire. It's going to happen. But he doesn't accept it until Renesmee busts out of Bella like the Kool-Aid man and the poor girl's heart finally, unequivocally stops.

Sane people don't behave this way. I don't want to slap labels on Edward, but I can't help but note that he comes across as highly narcissistic. He's the only real person in his universe, the lone player among us NPCs. That probably has a lot to do with him being frozen in the mindset and maturity of a seventeen-year-old boy, but I think it's also just...him, on some fundamental level. His failure to connect with others and recognize them as full, independent beings with their own wants and priorities isn't like Bella's failure -- she's badly depressed. Edward is...something else, and I get the sense that his sanity has been steadily deteriorating over time. And a cursory google of narcissistic traits turns up some familiar-looking stuff. He's self-loathing, yes, but also grandiose; he hates himself for the monster he is (and hates most vampires besides Esme and Carlisle for their monstrosity, too) but still feels superior to humans, to the extent that he felt entitled to human blood and resented Carlisle for depriving him of his "proper" diet. He eventually returns to Carlisle, but he's far from content -- the beginning of Midnight Sun finds him in a state of ennui, bored and dismissive of (if not outright disgusted by) everyone around him, that has apparently persisted for years and years. He doesn't play the piano, he doesn't compose, he doesn't enjoy anything...at least until Bella comes along and then he becomes obsessed to a disturbing degree with her and his new, romantic tragedy spin on reality.

[Next-day edit: I’m not sure where else to fit this in, but the way Edward casually contemplates violence against people who have, at best, mildly annoyed him is...chilling. I have a hard time writing off his strategizing how to murder the entire Biology class as a result of bloodlust -- it’s so calculated, nothing like the blackout state of thirst Emmett describes when he encountered his own “singer,” and that is probably the default for when a vampire is extremely thirsty. But even ignoring the Biology class incident, Edward still does things like consider, with disturbing frequency, how he might grievously injure or kill Mike Newton, all because...Edward considers him his romantic rival (despite Bella barely giving the kid the time of day). He thinks about slapping Mike through a wall, which might be an amusing slapstick image, except as a vampire Edward’s actually capable of turning this boy’s skeleton to a fine powder. So it’s, y’know, kind of sick when you think about it.

But even worse than that, when Bella tells Edward about how she flirted with Jacob to get at that sweet, sweet vampire lore, Edward chuckles and then, after dropping Bella home, flippantly observes that now that the treaty’s broken, why not genocide? I’m not even kidding, it’s right there in Midnight Sun; he seriously thinks about the fact that he’d be technically justified now in wiping out the entire tribe because a teenager tried to impress a girl with a spooky story. That is fucked. Remember, Edward was there with Carlisle when the treaty was first established. He knows how remarkable it is that they even came to a truce in the first place, that it was only ever possible because Carlisle is...well, Carlisle, and that it marks a pretty significant moment in supernatural history. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t respect it, or he’d never think something like “Ha ha, if I went and killed them all, I wouldn’t even be wrong. I mean, I won’t do it, but I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be wrong.”

Again: not the thought process or behavior of a sane person. (Or a person that respects life in general -- sorry Carlisle, big L.)]

Finally, whether he's a narcissist or not, I think the fact that Edward has constant, unavoidable access to everyone's thoughts is a powerful contributing factor to his instability. He can tune out the mental noise to an extent, but he can't stop it -- so he comes to rely on it like another sense. This causes issues with disconnect and lack of empathy, of course, but there's another facet to this shit diamond: he's basically experiencing a ceaseless flow of intrusive thoughts. His narration in Midnight Sun suggests that he "hears" the words people think, can "see" what they visualize in their mind's eye, and can sense the emotional "tone" and intensity of their thoughts. Therefore, perceiving Jasper's thirst through his thoughts makes Edward more aware of his own, "doubling" the discomfort. This would be a lot to deal with even from just his immediate coven members, but Edward gets all of this pouring into his head like a firehose on a day-to-day basis because the Cullens live right alongside humans. I know Meyerpires have galaxy brains or whatever, but that's a ton to process.

Besides the compounding effect on his own thirst when he "feels" the thirst of others, Meyer never suggests that Edward has difficulty separating his own thoughts from other people's; even when he was newly turned, he recognized Carlisle's "voice" in his head as Carlisle's. That would create a whole different host of issues around identity, but it looks like Edward's escaped that particular torment. However, I can easily imagine that what he does experience is just shy of unbearable nonetheless, with an eroding effect on his sanity over decades. He can't sleep to escape it; he's on a dishwater diet and probably (like the rest of his family) experiencing a perpetual, low-grade physical discomfort due to his thirst never being fully satisfied; and he's around far more people than is the norm for vampires -- even discounting all the humans, his own coven is unusually large -- meaning more noise.

Honestly, it would be weirder if he were all there, considering.

And even though I feel like I lost a sense of structure around where I started ranting about telepathy, I've written like 1.5k words about Edward fucking Cullen and I think that's enough for one post.

[athys-obelia]

[ 1 • 2 ]

"have you ever fallen in love?"

two years after tlp!athy's execution, tlp!claude knows he stands mere months away from death.

he still remembers that first sudden stroke, the one that robbed him of most of his physical strength and mana - it is a bodily illness, the medics say, but after all, he is no stranger to curses.

it is all bearable, though - everything is bearable as along as his athanasia is beside him, after all. her kind smile, her free eyes so unlike his. claude de alger obelia is not afraid of death, never has been.

the absurdity of his inquiry strikes him with his daughter's startled expression, and he elaborates, "your mother - she used to say that if nothing else, she wanted you to fall in love. wholly and truly, with someone who understands and accepts you as you deserve to be understood and accepted. so i ask - have you, athanasia, ever been in love?"

the question resounds, echoing off of the walls of the obelian imperial family's mausoleum. jennette would hate this, him secretly leaving the palace to come here of all places, but he needs to see. how have his children constructed his final resting place? he had barely shown up to his own father's funeral.

"twice," athanasia answers, as he had known she would.

his hand trails over the gold crest of the empire on the door, the coolness of the metal lingering on the pads of his fingers. his chest pains so very much now that he's away from jennette, but he can't react. shouldn't react. athanasia would fret and worry herself to her own death before his, and his child's funeral is not something claude wants to witness. "twice?" he presses for details, voice barely above a whisper, lest she hear the pain searing through his chest.

almost as if sensing his hesitance, his veiled unease, she steps into the mausoleum before him. claude follows.

"he was like the moon, one of them," she tells him, the words whispered carefully as if the princess were scared of the ghosts of her ancestors overhearing. "enchanting. kind. he inspired me to start writing songs again - the ones jennette found in my room, remember, papa?"

"ah, yes - the ones she gave to the alpheus boy." claude approaches his casket, raising an eyebrow at it. "and yet you never mentioned him to me. i could've had you married." he traces the fine lettering on the stone - his name was already engraved into the marble, along with all his titles. claude's eyes linger on 'father'.

"you could've," she agrees, "but he was not worth the sacrifice, was not worth family. my fate, like everyone else's, was to admire him from afar."

"and this other great love of yours?"

"complicated," athanasia lets out a humourless laugh, "he was more like the sun, actually."

claude really doesn't have it in him to hide his smirk - even athanasia wouldn't be brave enough to liken someone other than him to the sun. "was he, now?"

"yes! bright and strong and warm, everything i ever wanted, and...so very far away."

he frowns, nose crinkling at the familiar scent of roses. "what does that mean?" claude turns then, to find the source of the floral odour.

to claude's right is a smaller casket, the lead of which bears the beautiful insignia exclusive to the crown heir. a single red rose - from jennette's garden, he recognizes - lays against the lid. beloved daughter and sister, it reads. princess athanasia de alger obelia.

the lid of his own casket rests against its side - hers is shut, tight. the ache in his chest spikes, triggering a violent coughing fit. his handkerchief clutched in his trembling hands, claude stares at the splotches of red.

athanasia chuckles dryly. "i didn't even get a chance to beg! so bright he was, his own light blinding him to the truth."

strength abandons his legs and his knees buckle, leaving the emperor of the world's strongest empire on his knees against the cold, hard floor. claude inhales shakily, fingers gripping the coffin with whitened knuckles.

"wh- what nonsense is this?" he manages to croak out weakly, eyes unable to look away from the name.

athanasia leans down, inches away from his shocked face. "all i ever wanted was to be your shadow, your anchor, your student. i wanted your love, too, so that i could return it tenfold. but you - you were so, so strong, papa. and strong emperors don't need weaklings like me at their side, do they?"

he stares as she leans down to brush hair out of his face, the touch nothing but a soft breeze. "shut up- shut up. i don't want to hear this anymore. i don't know what's-"

she smiles sweetly. "i used to think about you a lot, you know - 'i have the strongest papa in the world' i'd tell lily. you were my pride! they don't call you the sun for nothing, though, i suppose."

her words stir up a distinct...vision? a memory? he can feel the image forming. claude's hand shoots up to claw at his chest, trying to free some of the heat, get some air.

yes, he remembers a blade, now.

"you," athanasia calls joyously, as if she were some royal announcer, "need to come with a warning label. the people's hero, the hardworking emperor, the wise ruler! does everyone who get too close to you burn, papa?"

"guards," he calls weakly, "call the guards."

it's almost as if he can feel the life slipping out of him, but the image returns. was it an execution? a public execution? the crowd seems restless, uncomfortable. beside the chopping block lays a young girl.

"do you regret it?" athanasia asks curiously.

claude watches the executioner's cold eyes and he know exactly what is about to happen to the girl. obediently, she lays her head where the man directs it, already lifeless.

"yes!" he cries as the man's sword rises in a sharp, practised move. claude shuts his eyes, wanting nothing more than for the scene to disappear. but over, and over, and over, the girl dies. the blade falls. the townspeople cry. felix's hands keep bleeding, fisted around his own sword to keep himself in place. "so fucking much, just, please, make it stop-"

"i meant," athanasia corrects with a light grin, "did you regret hiring an executioner? tell me the truth, now, papa, haven't you always wished that sword, that hand was your own?"

he wants to negate her claim, wants to tell her no, he would never, he'd rather end himself - but the words are stuck. the air thickens.

her thumb brushes against his pale cheek. "you're dying now, aren't you? did i at least answer your question properly?"

the image of her blurs.

"if mama asks, you can tell her i did love," athanasia whispers, as if lulling a child to sleep, "i've loved twice. tell her that for one of them, i didn't dare chance a thing - and for the other, i risked it all."

® all rights reserved, do not repost without permission

[t0bey]

plum drop the essay on fuyu/peko and mondo/taka paralelles !!!! i am curious

ask and u shall recieve (inserting my first ever page break because holy FUCK this got long) 

oke! I guess I’ll start off with Peko’s initial conception as a character, which was the main initial comparison danganronpa intended between Peko and Kiyotaka.

I’ve noticed danganronpa has a tendency to re-use character tropes or roles after each game, tho their fates end up differently. For example, Chihiro was the smart, cute, and sweet character who ended up dying early on and had little significance outside of alter ego afterwards. Chiaki is the same, except if Danganronpa took Chihiro’s character and made her one of the main protagonists that has much more significance in the game. 

The staff of SDR2 confirmed that they based Peko off of Kiyotaka, from their intense red eyes (which was intentional) + predominately b&w colorscheme, they both have swords, and their characters are tied to justice, though in different ways. Not to mention both are meant to be extremely disciplined, but ultimately struggle at socializing due to their rough backstories. But that’s where Peko’s ties to Taka as an initial concept end there, because the parallels between Peko/Taka and Fuyuhiko/Mondo are a whole ‘nother ballpark.

Before bringing that up though, we should note that while their designs are significantly different, Mondo and Fuyuhiko are extremely similar in terms of their backstory and personality (down to their ability to curse like a sailor). Both struggle with an inferiority complex (Fuyuhiko w/ how he isn’t taken seriously because of his babyface, Mondo w/ how his self esteem is really fragile and gets jealous of others when he acknowledges them to be stronger than him). Both act like tough, aggressive lone-wolfs (well, Mondo pre-sauna anyways), but have been stated to have a soft side, to the point they doubt their capabilities of being a tough leader because of it. They both even have a sibling they both believe would be a better leader than them (Daiya and Natsumi). BASICALLY fuyuhiko and mondo are the same role, being the intimidating gang leader that no one should fuck with, but in actuality has a lot of insecurities behind that facade. 

Ok, ok, time to the ACTUAL relationship parallel analysis. We now know why Peko/Taka are meant to be parallels, and we can definintely make a solid claim for Fuyuhiko and Mondo. This isn’t new for Danganronpa, in their tendency to use patterns but give them a different twist depending on the game. Which is exactly what happened in  regards to chapter 2 of THH and SDR2, respectively.

The games’ chapter 1s are simple: meant to introduce the characters/game/stakes. Leon and Sayaka’s deaths were tragic, but the emotional impact of them wasn’t the main priority by the writers. Only to show that this was, indeed, a Killing Game where anyone’s possible to die. But chapter 2 of danganronpa is intended to be the chapter where you’re introduced to just how emotional and tragic the games can actually be, meant for maximum heartbreak (for both the characters and the player).

Chapter 2 of THH was where the different students’s relationships between each other became more solid. Sakura and Aoi were good friends. Toko’s obsession for Byakuya first solidified. Hifumi being Celeste’s servant, etc. Taka and Mondo’s fast developed friendship is no different. After the sauna, the two clicked so much that they believed calling each other just a friend wasn’t really accurate, and settled on calling each other brother instead. While they don’t have memories of their close friendship during Hope’s Peak at this time, it’s heavily implied that their closeness during that time made them subconsciously gravitate towards each other so fast, which could also be seen with Sakura and Aoi, and how Chihiro was able to find Makoto familiar during their introduction. 

Peko and Fuyuhiko’s relationship could be considered to be just as close. The two grew up together, quite literally since they were kids. Like Taka and Mondo’s relationship pre-sauna, Fuyuhiko and Peko’s relationship was somewhat strained, though it’s more deeply rooted than two extremely contrasting guys clashing over their perceptions of each other. Fuyuhiko is extremely insecure in his place as the Kuzuruyuu clan’s head, and sees Peko’s desire to protect him and carry out his commands as an unwanted crutch that challenges his desire to be independent, as well as extremely worrying considering how because of this, Peko devalues her own life and worth as a person. Fuyuhiko very much loves Peko as a person, and as such tried to distance himself from her during their time on Jabberwock Island. Though unfortunately, Peko took this as him loathing her in general, further cementing her desire to be his “tool” because if he couldn’t stand being around her, she might as well make herself useful to him.  

Now. Finally to get into the explicit parallels between the relationships of Kiyotaka/Mondo, and Peko/Fuyuhiko. Peko and Taka’s perspective on their relationships is a great starting point. 

Each game’s chapter 2 shows just how willing both Taka and Peko are willing to go in order to protect Mondo and Fuyuhiko. Peko’s motive for killing Mahiru wasn’t to escape, but to in her eyes save Fuyuhiko from the Killing Game, by using herself as his tool to carry out muder, and have everyone incorrectly vote for her so Fuyuhiko could get away. She was his bodyguard in the truest sense of the word. Now in THH’s chapter 2, instead of fighting against Mondo in proving his guilt, you’re fighting Kiyotaka. He refuses any evidence you throw at him, arguing relentlessly to prove Mondo’s innocence, to the point the only reason he stopped was because Mondo told him to. And you later find out, in chapter 3, that Kiyotaka felt so determined to prove Mondo’s innocence was because he felt like it was his responsibility to, as he cared for Mondo so much. 

So, in a way, Taka considers himself Mondo’s bodyguard. Just without the years worth of reinforcement that you’re nothing but a tool to be used which makes you devalue your own worth as a person. (Not that his self esteem and willpower wasn’t ultimately crushed by Mondo’s execution, but that’s only because the circumstances he lost him was undenyingly brutal considering the Killing Game). While the circumstances of Peko’s desire to protect Fuyuhiko are really murky and problematic considering how she was raised, Danganronpa confirmed that she protected him so much because of her care for him, to the point she was willing to sacrifice her own life to assure that Fuyuhiko is safe. And Kiyotaka was willing to go to the exact same drastic measures, by voting for himself. 

It’s also worth noting that in the stage play, he willingly accepted to be punished alongside him by doing this to make sure Mondo doesn’t die alone. 

So from my own understanding, Super Danganronpa 2 took the tragedy of Mondo and Taka’s relationship, and flipped it so that while it still follows its signature use of repetitive patterns, they made the circumstances different, but just as heartbreaking. And how? Because they took the Taka of the relationship, and made Peko the culprit. It’s not the Mondo this time, which is who you’re supposed to expect to be the culprit, because of your expectation from THH’s trial 2. 

Peko tried her best to protect Fuyuhiko, much like Kiyotaka tried to after he recognized the fact Mondo was the blackened. Both were, at the expense of their classmate’s and their own lives, were willing to protect them both, no matter what. Peko took a more active role in trying to do this however, which is what Kiyotaka severely regretted not doing, as stated in chapter 3. 

And Fuyuhiko is what would have happened if Mondo was forced to face the consequences of his actions (in Fuyu’s case, being partially responsible for Mahiru’s death, in Mondo’s case, Chihiro’s). Instead of Taka arguing to prove Mondo’s innocence, it’s Fuyuhiko who’s doing that for Peko. A deliberate use of subverting the pattern given to us by THH’s chapter 2.  

That’s the main takeaway, but I suppose I should also address the romantic parallels while I’m at it. I personally don’t like Kuzupeko as a romantic relationship, mainly because of how Peko’s self worth and personal value of herself as a person was as a direct result from being considered Fuyuhiko’s “tool” and their professional relationship as yakuza leader/henchman. Fuyuhiko does love her as a person, but that doesn’t negate the years of psychological degradation Peko endured to consider herself as a tool. Though in typical Danganronpa fashion, they choose to gloss over the problematic aspects of their relationship while heavily implying romantic subtext between them. So while I can’t say I’m a fan, I know the game/DR3 anime says otherwise. 

And as for Ishimondo, I know some will disagree with me, but I definitely feel that their relationship is heavily lined with romantic subtext as well. Not much is really explicit in the game outside of Ishida and Hifumi’s romantic rivalry for alter ego (who Taka considers Mondo), but the mangas and posters definitely show their relationship that most would consider normal for couples.

But at the end of the day? Both Peko and Taka love Fuyuhiko and Mondo, whether or not you consider both, one, or none of their relationship to be romantic. They wouldn’t have put their own lives on the line if it was anything else. And it’s that emotional connection between Kiyotaka and Mondo, and Peko and Fuyuhiko that’s meant to give you an emotional punch in the gut for THH and SDR2’S chapter 2’s, because of how far the two were willing to protect them.

[bthump]

I know this is very nitpicky, but what do you think is the level of awareness Griffith has during the stairwell scene? For a very calculated and rational guy like him, it's hard to imagine that he hasn't even tried to decipher where these strong reckless reactions come from. I mean... even king of denial Guts has reflected a bit on it. Enough to ask Griffith about it. I know yoy mentioned in a recent answer to an ask, that you don't headcanon Griffith as pining, so would you say that you (cont)

Would you say that you imagine that he compartimentalizes his thougts and represses to the point that he doesn't aknowledge at least to a certain extent, that his feeling for Guts are more passionate, than what he feels for other comerades. The fact that he fully realises the depth of those feelings once Guts leaves is clear. But Idk the stairwell scene makes me think that he is at least aware, that he has a bit of a crush, but choses to not give it much importance. Curious about your thoughts 

hmmm. okay first off I just want to say that I can see multiple possibilities, from full on repression and denial, to recognizing his attraction but not acting on it, to knowing he cares for Guts and wants him as a True Friend(TM) but often downplaying that because he believes Guts sees him mainly as a superior officer. But yeah I do prefer the denial and compartmentalization explanation and I want to go into why, because I think it’s fun to talk about lol.

So the big reason I read Griffith as refusing to acknowledge his feelings to himself is because that’s how he deals with all his other inconvenient feelings, like his guilt and fear and the fact that he cares about the Hawks. Like eg when he tells Gennon that he doesn’t feel a single emotion about him whatsoever, or when he tells Casca that he doesn’t feel guilty over the deaths of the Hawks, I don’t think he’s just lying to them, I think he’s convincing himself too, to the point where he really believes it.

It’s sort of hard to explain how I see this working in Griffith’s head bc it feels v intuitive to me but I know that’s not the case for everyone. So yk it’s not that I think he like, eg makes himself forget that he nearly had a breakdown in a river, but I think he doesn’t ask himself why he nearly had a breakdown beyond maybe a shallow ‘sex with gennon was unpleasant and made me uncomfortable for a couple hours but i’m completely fine now’ and doesn’t think about it afterwards if he can help it.

And when he tells Charlotte he doesn’t have any friends and tells Guts he belongs to him during the second duel, I think he’s telling himself lies/rationalizations he genuinely believes there too. In fact, I think his denial of his own feelings is straight up meant to be his tragic flaw, which is why he’s only able to finally acknowledge them in the torture chamber, after it’s caused his downfall.

In the torture chamber we see him remember the face-off with Zodd and acknowledge that it was an irrational thing to do and wonder why Guts is so important to him, and I think part of the reason the monologue works so well is because it’s the first time we see that kind of self-reflection sans lofty rationalization from him, because before he ended up trapped in his own brain for a year with nothing to distract himself in between bouts of torture he didn’t really ask himself these kinds of questions. If he had, things probably would’ve gone better for everyone.

And like, I don’t think this makes Griffith less intelligent, or negates his rationality in other areas of life. I don’t see a contradiction in someone being able to analyze a battlefield or read other people well but avoiding genuine soul searching whenever possible and lying to himself a lot. I think it’s actually pretty realistic - I don’t think very many people fully understand themselves or their feelings, even really self-reflective people, and it’s very easy to rationalize away inconvenient cognitive dissonance. and I include myself in that lol.

Griffith’s life is kind of a contradiction that would really fuck him up to untangle (he sends people to their deaths to achieve a dream for the sake of assuaging his guilt for sending people to their deaths to achieve a dream), so he doesn’t try to untangle it, he avoids the question and hides behind a philosophical ideal. And his feelings for Guts add to that cognitive dissonance because if he values Guts over the dream, that kind of proves his entire defensive life philosophy is bullshit and his whole life plan is built on a precarious house of cards, so it makes sense to me that he’d avoid examining those feelings closely too.

And you can look at Guts too, who does navelgaze a lot and tries to analyze his own feelings and motivations - when he’s faced with a contradiction (I want to become independent of Griffith and do my own thing solely to gain Griffith’s approval) he actually notices it and briefly questions himself... and then he still puts it out of his mind and continues pursuing his contradictory goal anyway, and manages to stay in denial for 3 days even after learning that Griffith ended up in a torture chamber because he left.

Along those same lines, Guts eg realizes that he kills things because it makes him feel better but he doesn’t make the connection between his irrational urge to fight powerful enemies and his childhood trauma the way the readers can, the King didn’t acknowledge his incesty feelings til Griffith shoved them in his face, Count Slug kept denying having human feelings til Puck went on a tirade against him and he couldn’t sacrifice his daughter, Casca lies to herself about her feelings for Griffith for a long time before finally acknowledging she’s in love and then doubles down on her Griffith feelings when her newer feelings for Guts threaten them until she has a breakdown and admits some things to herself (I mean I find that last one disappointing lol, but it’s also a really straightforward example of someone living in denial of romantic feelings and therefore a good comparison point to show that Miura does this on purpose), etc. So I think this interpretation of Griffith is also consistent with how Miura just like, tends to write people.

Like imo Griffith has moments where he comes close to self awareness and could’ve started potentially reflecting on his feelings and coming to better, more accurate conclusions, and those moments definitely include the Zodd conversation (as well as the river scene with Casca, and “do you think I’m cruel?”) but none of those scenes lead to useful self-reflection because they all go wrong. Casca tries but fails to reassure him bc she’s out of her depth, Guts reminds him of his dream, the King interrupts their conversation and Charlotte reorients Griffith towards his goal so he can move on from that moment of irrationality and refrain from thinking about it further for a while. Even after the duel Griffith tries to avoid self-reflection by fucking Charlotte imo (”take all the sad and frightening things and cast them into the fire” ie hey girl wanna repress some shit w/ me?), and imo his previous ability to do that makes it all the more impactful when it doesn’t work this time and he breaks down.

BUT YEAH all that said I don’t think this is the only reasonable reading of Griffith’s awareness of his feelings lol, it’s just the one I like best and consider the most satisfying and interesting and fun to think about. And honestly that’s partly because I love dramatic irony and have a real thing for characters who lie to themselves, so I’m biased in favour of it too. Nothing about Griffith being good at denial contradicts the idea that he could still be aware of an attraction to Guts (in that case he’d probably just write it off as irrelevant and deny the associated internalized-homophobia-related self-loathing lol until it all pours out while he’s projecting at the King), and he could eg be aware that he irrationally cares about Guts above and beyond anyone else and just doesn’t even try to reconcile that with his dream, ie compartmentalization in another way.

But I think the idea that he only fully admits it to himself in the torture chamber is just very narratively satisfying.

[asterekmess]

S3A - E8

I’m realizing just how damn far behind I am on working on season 3, but I don’t wanna skip any episodes of the rewatch, so let’s get to it! Double time, double time!

Content warnings for discussion of cannibalism.

Forewarning, this one is a doozy, so be prepared to Read More:

Lesgo!:

First thing’s first, Derek has experience with those awful sound thingies? Can you imagine how freaked he must’ve been seeing Chris bring those out when they were tracking Boyd and Erica?

Also, Chris Argent has been hunting Derek one way or another since he was a child. Even BEFORE Kate. Why the hell do we have a Derek & Chris broness in the later seasons? This kind of shit doesn’t just go away. I can’t believe I forgot about it.

I love how awkward sweet bby Derek is trying to run through the trees and tripping on branches everywhere. It’s honestly so much more realistic for a teenager than just the crazy cgi stuff. Also, since we know Derek is comfortable in the woods, it really gives you a hint as to how truly messed up he is from fear right now. He’s off balance in a dozen ways.

DEREK HAS BEEN WATCHING PEOPLE DIE IN FRONT OF HIM SINCE HE WAS 15. I’m gonna CRY. If I wanna hurt myself even More, you could argue that the Random Beta (RB) got shot bc he stopped to talk to Derek. So...guilty minds would assume Derek has been watching people die because of him since 15. I hate everything.

PETER comin’ in clutch. Also, hilarious that they use that arrow catching move so much.

I almost like how they tried to make Gerard look younger by just having him wear a douchey leather jacket instead of the serious grandpa one he wears in S2. He swaggers over to the body of RB, and it’s hilarious.

Okay, what is this bullshit about “Bring them back alive, we go by the code?” If you were going by the code then you wouldn’t be fucking hunting them AT ALL. They’re innocent! Why the fuck are you ‘bringing them back’ in the first place? Chris, you piece of shit. This is supposed to demonstrate that you’ve always been a stickler for the code, but all it does is emphasize how little that code actually means. “We hunt those who hunt us.” Fuck off, you hunt anything you deem ‘dangerous’ and find excuses to kill them so you can feel righteous.

Gonna casually note that RB was shot in the Throat with an arrow, but bc of makeup necessities they moved the arrow down to his chest when he’s shown on the ground. It’s funny. :)

It’s seriously so hard to hate Peter, do the writers realize that? Like, yes, he did horrible shit and I’m not denying that, but when you show him running into the hunter-filled woods to save his nephew’s life at 24 years old, then hiding with him in a cellar for two fucking days when he could probably have escaped on his own, it’s hard to see him as a heartless bastard.

I’m almost afraid to find out why Cora knows the details. Can you imagine? She would’ve been, what, 9-10? Her big brother and uncle both go missing for two days after a hunt and she had to stay at home waiting for someone to say they’d found their bodies. God, the lives of the Hales are so fucked up.

The rain is really making the mood here.

I gotta say, I’m confused about this initial Cora-Stiles interaction. He goes on about everyone who’s died or nearly died, but then Cora assumes he wants Derek to do something about the deaths, and Stiles agrees? Except that Derek currently fits the COD that all the other sacrifices have hit. Missing for about two days. Everything Stiles has said implies that he’s worried Derek is also dead. I don’t get why they go with ‘I’m worried about the missing man that I’ve been helping for the last four months because I blame him for the Alphas even coming to town”?

One thing they got on point here is just how disgusting they made Gerard. The slime and the spitting and ugh *shudders* it’s just so gross.

I’m also...I think intrigued is the right word--that they shoved this whole story into the episode without ever addressing the fact that Derek IS missing and they should go looking for him or something. It starts with Stiles asking where the hell he is, but then everything else is about this past moment. Talk about going off on a tangent. I mean, I don’t blame them, but if I shoved this much character background into one chapter people would call me out for the infodump that it is.

Which is all this episode is. Info-dumped exposition. Here’s how werewolves were made. Here’s why Derek’s cranky. Here’s why Duke’s an asshole. Here’s why the Hales are ‘special’

Again, I don’t blame them. It’s just...a lot.

Just a tiny thing: Why do they both roll up their sleeves when Scott only has to touch Gerard’s hand?

It is also very hard to believe that either Allison or Scott are remotely good people when they’re both lying to everyone about Gerard’s existence.

*finger guns, bc now i have to use the tag* I think this is the longest I’ve ever gotten before using it.

Another thing: Why does Gerard make the gross noises like he’s in pain, when we know it doesn’t hurt to get the pain taken away from him? It certainly didn’t hurt that lady in the ER.

I know this is a weird thing to notice, but I find it interesting that Paige is wearing actual makeup. Not just the ‘natural’ look, but eyeshadow that’s visibly dark. *shrug*

Is she Actually playing the cello? The notes Don’t look like they match up with her bowing and fingerings.

HA that music cut in is fucking Hilarious. Derek turns around like he’s in a teen rom-com, with that casual “I never stop smiling all the way bc I’m the coolest guy around” grin and the music just WHAM. That’s right, Derek Hale used to be a JOCK. He didn’t used to be ‘a lot like Scott.’ He was a lot like JACKSON.

So, this group of cronies Derek has. What is that about? He’s gotta have that posse just like Jackson did in S1? Unnamed people to cackle at his jokes.

Paige’s face, right there? That is the SHIT for me. That’s not hidden attraction, that’s genuinely “What the fuck is my life, why are you so lame?” and I am LIVING for it.

Derek peacocking is also hilarious. Peacocking so hard he (THE WEREWOLF) didn’t notice that she’d left the hall, is even more so.

I hate to tell you this Paige, but THAT is where I could tell you liked him. Giving in to his bullshit offer was the first step, that look on your face when he said, “Hold on” was Blatant “Holy shit, my crush wants to talk to me” but then all you idiots did was make eye contact. Paige, if you’re trying to get the ball, try looking away from those pretty eyes, okay?

Derek, you always go too far. You can see Paige lose interest when she realizes that he’s not actually into Her, he’s into showing off.

OOOF, i guess they weren’t such good friends after all, cus’ they left when Paige did.

I also feel the need to point out Derek is WEARING A CHECKERED SHIRT. *inarticulate screaming* Everyone who makes jokes about him thinking plaid is disgusting owes me five bucks bc he CLEARLY didn’t think checkers/plaid were that bad when he was in high school.

I’ll admit...the instant sorry is like...really good. If they’d had him come in and be More of a dick and then end up together, I’d be a lot more bugged. But his First real introduction to her is an apology.

THEN he goes back to being a dick. But at least this time it’s not about him, he wants to know about Her.

And I LOVE the turnaround! THIS is flirting. THIS is cute teasing. She plays his game Back at him, shows her own skill and forces him to get on her level. Then he weasels out of it, but in a Cute Way.

If there’s one thing that I’m routinely impressed by in TW it’s the scoring. They’re Really good with music to fit the moods and the vibes of the whole episode. For instance, all the transition music in this episode is Cello, bc it’s about Paige.

I hate agreeing with Gerard on Anything, but he makes a good point about the Dark Druid taking and killing someone else right alongside Deaton. Why would she take 4 people when she only needed three? She wouldn’t know that Deaton got a message out or that Scott would save Deaton. Plus the addition of the mountain ash circle is kind of weird, don’t you think?

Yah, I have no clue why your body is producing anything Either. You literally make no sense and you shouldn’t be alive. Period. Bringing you back was a lazy way to have someone who could be a sub-sub plot and hand out exposition and red herrings that are totally useless.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT GERARD? You weren’t There when Deucalion found out he could still see with his Alpha Eyes (Which makes no sense btw, he doesn’t have TWO sets of eyes???) and if you’d interacted with Deuc since then he’d have ripped you to shreds.

SERIOUSLY people, why the FUCK are we getting this information from Gerard when it makes WAY more sense for Deaton to tell them this? He was THERE for the whole thing!

I get that the point of the episode is supposed to be “Unreliable Narrators” (The whole show has an unreliable narrator.) but you had that covered with Peter’s story. You could’ve Instilled TRUST in Deaton by making a contrast and having Deaton TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Show the difference between reliable and unreliable. Gerard doesn’t need to be here!

Stiles, asking the real questions.

AND GETTING THE MOST BULLSHIT ANSWER IN THE UNIVERSE.

Could these writers GET any lazier? Put some fucking effort in and give us some information about Werewolves IN YOUR WEREWOLF TV SHOW.

What the fuck were Paige and Derek into that they knew where an abandoned distillery was when it wasn’t even in TOWN? And you’re telling me they left town every time they wanted to make out? Even worse, are you implying they had SEX in that distillery? And then trying to tell me that none of the fucking Alphas and their packs noticed the smell of Derek and his girlfriend all over the building?

...what...do people seriously not remember being teenagers? What the fuck Peter? In what fucking universe  is “one minute it’s ‘i hate you, don’t talk to me’ the next it’s frantic groping in any dark corner’ remotely accurate to real life?

Teenagers in the majority don’t DO that. I really fucking hate that all teenagers are made out to be like this. Like they’re “run by their hormones” and “everything is sex to you” STOP. Seriously, STOP. Saying shit like that completely negates the fact that Teenagers are Real fucking People. They’re not just buckets of hormones and sweat that need to be shaped into an adult. They’re fucking PEOPLE and reducing them to sex-crazed idiots is lazy and stupid.

Are you ALSO telling me that the hunters dragged RB’s DEad Body to an abandoned building, then strung the corpse up and cut it in half? AND that someone happened to go the abandoned building and found the body and called the cops, or that they MOVEd the two halves somewhere they would be found, Or that They were the ones to call and report the body?

Has teen wolf got even a Single brain cell?

ALSO, what the fuck is this timeline? Derek and Peter went missing for two days after RB was killed, but the packs don’t get together to discuss RB’s death until After Derek has run out of the building with Paige because he could smell blood from RB being hemisected. So, they waited at Least two days before talking to each other about RB’s death? And Derek apparently recovered Instantaneously from his two day nightmare and went right back to macking on his girlfriend and laughing freely the Day he was found? Or did they wait even longer? I’m so fucking confused!

Okay, you tell me that this place is their favorite makeout/groping spot, but they seriously just walk in the door and start kissing in the middle of the room? You guys didn’t bring some blankets and pillows here? You’re gonna stand there the whole time?

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING PETER A PERVERT? He was fucking watching his nephew make out with his girlfriend through the wall??? WHat is WRONG with you?

ALSO, Cora was alive and active in Derek’s life at that point. She wasn’t That young. She could easily point out that Peter being Derek’s best friend is total bullshit if it weren’t actually true. Which means Peter is telling the TRUTH here. Hell, she doesn’t call out his heartbeat for lies the entire time, and while they imply at the end of the episode that Really Good Liars can just force their heart to be steady while lying so they don’t get caught, that isn’t a thing for the entire rest of the show. Derek trusts KATE when she says she’s not lying. So the evidence actually points toward Peter telling the TRUTH in this entire episode.

THAT is accurate to teenagers. Using the word “like” and “liking” so many times in a conversation that it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore.

Paige...dude, I’m so torn. Like I’m glad you’re being honest with Derek about your worries, but also it’s a complete dick move to just Assume that he’s gonna bail? To say to his face that you Know he’s leaving you and you’re just waiting for it? Fucking rude.

Ennis...bro...how exactly did your Beta “Accidentally” kill a hunter? How would that happen?

AGAIN WITH THE TIMELINE. If the packs only CAME to beacon hills because of Ennis issue with the hunters, why was RB running through beacon hills when he was killed?

Also, side note: Where are all of these werewolves staying? Are they territorial so they like, all claimed different hotels to take over? Or do they not mind, and THAT’S why the Hale house is so big for such a small family? Because they had a ton of guest rooms for packs that visited to get that sweet, sweet Hale Wisdom?

I firmly believe that werewolves are clothing-optional people. Talia straight shifts into a naked human form in front of over a dozen other wolves.

Also, where the hell is the Hale pack here? Some random chick comes up and gives Talia a robe, but that person is standing with Deuc’s pack. So....what?

I’m so curious about the formation the wolves make when they hear Talia coming. Everybody backs away, except Deucalion. And they do this weird focus on his face as he watches her come in. And her eye contact is JUST with him.

OH GROSS. DID DEUC HAVE A THING FOR DEREK’S MOM????

I will admit that watching things with subtitles sometimes ruins the surprise. There’s that little pause before “I’m just a deputy” like it was supposed to be shocking to the audience, but the subtitle on Amazon Prime just Pops up right away and it kind of ruins the effect.

Here we go! The one piece of concrete information on “Packs” and “pack members” that we’re given in the whole fucking show. Word for Word. “Losing a member of your pack isn’t like losing family, it’s like you lose a limb.”

That is....severe. Now imagine that your entire family IS your pack. And losing almost every one of them. Is it any wonder that Cora, Peter, and Derek are so messed up? That they’re so dark and wounded looking?

I s2g sometimes Peter literally just sounds like he’s a self-insert for the writers. He explains shit that the writer’s are showing Really Badly as if to wave away the fact that the Ennis flashback is pretty much Completely unnecessary. “You just don’t understand my artistic genius, it’s never just a single moment, it’s a confluence of events. I have to show you all these random flashbacks because you need to understand why Derek is soaked in MANPAIN all the time. Which is totally relevant to the current plot bc....bc....bc ART (and also Tyler Hoechlin was busy so we could only get one shot of him for the entire episode)”

That is just the cutest shit oh my god. Derek listens to Paige’s music while he’s in class and doing homework. THAT is love, you realize? He doesn’t just deal with her dedication to her music, he loves it.

THat little wince when he says “Are you sure about that?” Paige knows he’s gonna screw with her.

THAT IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. He gives her space! She likes studying during lunch so he Leaves her Alone. I LIKE IT.

What do you mean “Laura told you about the packs being here.” Derek KNOWS they’re here because he watched RB DIE IN THE WOODS. Seriously, I”M SO CONFUSED.

FUN FACT (that I might’ve already shared) Oak wood was liked by the Celts because it was really sturdy and hardy and bore food, but it wasn’t their favorite type of wood! Rowan was the favorite, and Irish pagan practitioners used to sleep in rowan trees so they could have prophetic dreams. After that, it was Hazelwood. :P

I...do not enjoy when they bring up the Celtic Druids. *Scuttles to get my textbook bc this is my nerd shit*

“We’re in a Nemeton” This is the correct wording, actually! A “Nemeton” isn’t a thing, it’s a “sacred meeting place” as Chris calls it. Go chris! Nemeton refers to the entire grove/area around the main tree.

I can’t speak to whether they chose a ‘Large, older tree in a grove” but it does make sense bc if we’re talking about Oaks they were a symbol of food and safety (acorns were a staple to Celtic diets) so choosing an older tree would not only look more impressive, but it would probably bear more acorns for the clan.

“It would represent the center of the world” *Puts on vine voice* THat is NOt Correct! The tree at the center of the Nemeton was called a “crann bethadh” or “Tree of Life” and it was essentially a Totem that marked the center of the tribe’s territory. It was not ‘the center of the world’ it was the center of THEIR world. Their land.

“There was a belief that cutting or harming the tree would cause serious problems for the surrounding villages” Not sure if ‘villages’ is the correct term for the era, but the rest of it sounds like a close mistranslation. See, in Ireland there were raids people would do against other clans where the SOLE PURPOSE was to destroy their crann bethadh, because it was demoralizing. It’s like graffiti-ing the front of a church. But technically, it WAS severely frowned upon to harm the tree in any way.

This is mostly because in most Celtic areas, Oak trees were considered symbols of the “Father of the Sky” or the “God of Thunder.” Of course you don’t wanna piss off Thunder man.

Also, you notice how I’m saying CELTS and not DRUIDS. It’s because DRUID isn’t a cultural label, it’s a SOCIAL CLASS. It’s like saying “The Educated”

Okay, back to the--OH WAIT. Before anyone gets any ideas, the blood on the crann bethadh isn’t human. Estonian Celts smeared animal blood on the tree roots as an assurance for rain and good harvests. This is the same concept as TONS of other religions, including Christianity. (Abraham was supposed to sacrifice his son, Isaac, to God, but God stopped him and had him sacrifice a Ram instead. So, Yes. Christians used to perform animal sacrifices.)

NOW back to the show.

THe fact that gerard doesn’t know this stuff implies that Chris is the nerd of the family.

I LIKE THIS. I hate that I like it bc it’s Gerard, but I LIKE IT. Gerard gets up from his wheelchair. He doesn’t need it All the Time.

I’ve never seen another show that bothered to have a wheelchair user who wasn’t wheelchair-bound, which is stupid because it’s Very Common for people using wheelchairs to not need them all the time.

though it does beg the question of why he’s sitting in a wheelchair when he’s in his own bedroom? Was he going somewhere? Or did he know he wouldn’t have enough chairs and didn’t want Allison or Scott to sit in his chair?

The story of Lycaon, who was considered a savage ruler of Arcadia and Zeus went to his house disguised as a human (this is v common in myth) to find out if he was batshit. Lycaon and his FIFTY SONS (he also had one daughter) wanted to know if the stranger was a human or a mortal, so they fed him human flesh in stew. Zeus flipped shit and blasted the room with thunderbolts, murdering all but one of Lycaon’s sons, and then turned Lycaon into a wolf.

So...this whole ‘myth of lycaon’ is totally fucked up when it didn’t need to be? Like, they didn’t NEED to change it to make it a messed up origin story of wolves. It already was.

There’s three major versions to choose from

Lycaon was a pius man who founded the city of Lycosura on Mount Lycaeus and used a child as a sacrifice to Zeus, thinking it would please him. Zeus flips shit and turns Lycaon into a wolf. FROM THEN ON; at every sacrifice made to zeus a man was transformed into a wolf and if he managed to restrain himself from eating human flesh for 8-9 years, he would be turned human again.

The same story as the first, except Lycaon Knew Zeus was in disguise and the child he fed him was Zeus’ own son, and it was revenge for seducing his only daughter Callisto.

If you want to make it match what you’ve already said about wolves in the show, they could’ve used the last one and it would’ve demonstrated how Ingrained the concept of vendetta/revenge is for wolves.

If you wanted to focus on the Turning Human part and working with Celtic Druids to learn to become werewolves, you could’ve used the second one.

there was no reason to add in the bullshit about Prometheus except as an excuse to make Deucalion look like he picked his name to be an asshole, which he fucking didn’t.

 I’m so sorry about all the classical shit (i’m really not) but I studied it in college and I can’t just let this bullshit stand.

I’ll give them a pass on the ‘the lesser known part’ bc it’s technically plausible for the wolves to have run north to the Celts and beg for help, And the Druids (those who’s education was specifically in magic, not all of them) were known for shapeshifting (though not usually into animals. They did that to Other people, not themselves)

I cannot believe this is so long, i’m so sorry.

But WHY tho, Cora? How is an Emissary supposed to keep you connected to humanity if No ONe KNows Who They Are?? How are they supposed to do their job??

Yeah, well now Deaton is a sour bitch who has a chip on his shoulder against the Hale pack so like...fuck his advice.

I will say though! Pre-fire Deaton doesn’t give me the heebies like post-fire Deaton. He’s much more clear about the advice he’s giving, and it’s actually helpful! He still has a dumb little anecdote/parable about the scorpion and the frog (which...in most circumstances I hate. It doesn’t even match what happens) but he gives Real Advice instead of vague asshole nonsense.

“I’m an Alpha, I never walk alone.” I have an inordinate affection for this line.

Paige is clearly some kinda bad bitch if she thought nothing of going to hang out in the school in the middle of the night with Derek.

Okay, but like...why would he attack Ennis like that if he was the one who asked him to bite Paige? And why is the moment played up “A fifteen-year-old boy against a giant” Derek was literally swatted to the side while Ennis walked out of the building. this wasn’t some big showdown.

If she’d already been bitten, why was Ennis still grabbing at her??

....seriously? Peter is literally right there? And no one noticed?

Again with the “Scott is a genius now” LIsten, bro, why the fuck would Scott know a sanskrit fable? If he Did know a story like that, it would be bc Deaton taught him. In which case he would know the FROG and the scorpion. Come on, guys.

OH MY GOD GERARD DOES IT TOO. GERARD, PETER, AND DEUC all have a CHRONIC case of verbal diarrhea when they’re trying to be intimidating.

I do NOT understand this warehouse scene. It’s a GAS gerard, if you stabbed yourself with some sort of...antidote or whatever it wouldn’t save you from the GAS you’re inhaling. At the very least you would be shouting like everyone else because it HURTS going in.

why did it take so long for Talia to come? It’s implied that Peter left to get her, so why did it take so long? Even PAST peter looks fucked up at seeing that Paige is dying, it’s not like he would wait.

I’ll be real, i get weepy so i’m skipping the actual death. Just know that it hurts me. Severely.

Y’all know how much I hate this ‘innocent life’ bullshit for blue eyes. It’s very True Alpha-y in that it’s impossible to pin down the specifics. What constitutes an ‘innocent life’? What constitutes taking it? With wolf claws? With a gun? What counts and what doesn’t count? Ugh.

Eyyy, so I’m exhausted and this is so long that my computer is fritzing. There are five minutes left and nothing happens in them at all. Just Scott pointing out the heartbeat thing and threatening to kill Gerard (so he’s still fine with murder at this point in time. Good to know). Stiles telling Cora that he doesn’t think Peter was telling the truth (which she would Know if he wasn’t) and that he’s gonna ask Derek about it (which we never got to see). And Deucalion murdering his own Beta (who, tbf, tried to kill him first. Which, again, what the fuck is up with Deaton’s office that wolves are able to rip each other apart in it, but it’s still ‘hard for someone like Scott to cause me any trouble.’ I’m just so confused

Final Thoughts: This episode actually had some interesting stuff in it, which is kind of sad considering there was no PLOT, just Exposition. I look forward to tweezing the bits out that I want and dumping the rest in the garbage where it belongs. Oh, and like I said, the music was on Point.

[honestlyinnerglitter]

My top five worst possible Supernatural endings:

1. Dean marries a random woman and has kids with her. 

Why this would suck: The writers know we have no patience for the random girls the boys hook up with, they know that introducing a new character in the very last episode is stupid and it honestly wouldn’t fit Dean’s story at all. He tried the white picket fence life with Lisa, and it didn’t work - why would a new woman be any different? 

2. Cas is back in a female vessel. 

Why this would suck: Just...just...where to begin, holy shit. This would be the most homophobic bullshit they could ever pull and it’s disgusting to even think about. Plus, Dean would hate it - he’s always been so against the use of vessels, and he knows that Jimmy died and Cas essentially owns his vessel now as his own body. Why on earth would he just accept that Cas had taken a random female vessel now just so they can make out? 

3. Cas is forgotten about and left in the Empty. 

Why this would suck: Honestly, if the writers have come up with an ending that doesn’t involve Cas, then they must be absolutely kicking themselves based on the reaction from the fans. He’s one of the most popular characters on the show, and they’re just casting him off to episodes before the end? Whilst everyone else comes back safe and sound, they’re leaving a fan favourite trapped in Emptyhell forever? What would be the point? 

4. Cas is back, but not with the boys.

Why this would suck: Ok, right. If Cas is back as a fucking tree, then that’s the stupidest thing they could ever write. His whole journey as a character has about finding a home and a family, and then he gets yanked out of Hell just to be alone again? He has be rejected by so many different people over the years, he deserves to find happiness and peace in the end. He deserves to feel wanted and loved for the first time. 

5. Time jump to the past, re-writing history. 

Why this would suck: If the intention of the finale is to essential negate the entire history of the show, then what was the point of us watching it? If they go back in time, revert to their Pilot episode selves, if all of the characters they met along the way have normal lives - what was the point in all of their sacrifices? Cas is still an angel, with broken wings, where does that leave him? Do monsters and demons still exist or are they wiped out too? What does that mean for people like Garth, Alex, Benny, Adam... All of the hunters, everyone? It’s the lazy equivalent of ‘it was all a dream’ and it’s crap. 

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 73 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch and co. are still stuck in China and Xingke’s flipping out because the Chinese assholes are gonna kill the Empress and go with someone less problematic for their political marriage to Britannia’s creepily overaged prince. However Lelouch pulls out a Knightmare that’s basically the Twink version of the Gawain and busts everyone up as well as pulling a Father Cornello on them and letting the people know they’re all elitst 1% assholes that don’t care about them, which I suspect all countries probably know about their leaders but it sucks to hear it in a recording so riots show up all over China and CC Geass Flashes Anya to take her out so Britannia has to back out because the Chinese Hierarchy are now the least popular people in the world. So Xingke gets to be with his Empress and joins the Black Knights but Dietard wants the Empress to marry someone on their side so they can basically do the asshole move Britannia just tried to do but for them. All the girls are like ‘hey no’ and Lelouch is like “Oh hey Tamaki buddy, let’s go talk and get me the fuck out of here” so before Lelouch actually has to give Tamaki more lines and elevate him beyond the Black Knight’s Yamacha Shirley calls and Lelouch just straight up asks Shirley about love in a weirdly forced series of circumstance. But Shirley’s like “Yeah don’t fuck with love, don’t you love anyone?” and Lelouch is like “Yeah I do, Nunally!” and I don’t think that’s at all what Shirley meant but it does mean Lelouch sees that fighting for something beyond politics is powerful and agrees to not marry off the twelve year old girl, so that’s good. Lelouch decides to return home while they hunt down the Geass cult which is in China for some reason despite that being one of the like two places on earth Britannia doesn’t control and the Geass Cult largely being a Britannian affair. Meanwhile Sayoko is basically a Lelouch Vtuber at this point with her insanely accurate Lupin III mask of Lelouch and kisses Shirley so Shirley’s a little bit more gay than she was before and is not sure how to feel about that. When she’s about to tell the real Lelouch he kisses like a girl, Anya and Gino show up because we’re retreading the whole ‘sleeping with the enemy at school’ thing from the first season except with way less interesting enemies. Also the preview for the next episode is Lelouch dramatically talking about enemies finding out he’s Zero overtop footage of Shirley and Milly absolutely naked in a batthouse scene so I think we know what kind of episode that’ll be.

Inuyasha: The Panther Demon filler concludes with everyone meeting at the site where the Panther Master is being revived behind a strong barrier, if only someone just got a barrier upgrade to their sword, oh wait. But yeah everyone manages to free the hostages so even though Kagome’s jewel shards revives the Panther Master he’s still a zombie without a sacrifice which is weird since Naraku managed to completely revive the Band of Seven with one jewel shard each from skeletons and the Panther Lord has three shards so idk the rules here but yeah he steals the souls of his own men to revive and is Wind Scar Proof because he just is. It’s pretty cool to see him shooting his claws and lightning and shit but he’s too big and slow for it to be much of an interesting fight. Sesshomaru’s about to go full demon which would be interesting since we haven’t seen his full demon form since he lost his arm but in a neat bit of character development, Tenseiga calms his rage and tells him to use it instead. You get the feeling Sesshomaru only goes full demon when he flies off the handle and forgets about speed and strategy so him opting to not repeat the mistake he made against Inuyasha is pretty cool. Anyway Tenseiga heals the souls of the Panther Demons and drains their energy from the lord so he’s back to Zombie Cat Man which Inuyasha can Wind Scar because that’s what happens to villains on this show, all Wind Scars all the time. The Panthers don’t wanna fight anymore since their boss just killed them and tell Inuyasha to tell Sesshomaru the feud is over and they’re going back to the West. Honestly this is basically the same backstory they gave Kirinmaru in Yashahime so it’s funny for them to say they’re going back to the same place Kirinmaru is from, wonder if it’ll ever come up in Yashahime since most filler seems canon there.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke and Kuwabara continue the assault on Tarukane’s compound and basically plow through the lower demons easy since they’ve been fighting minor deities up to this point. It’s always pretty cool in Shonen to just have a few rounds to show how much power creep the heroes have had where certain things just don’t bother them anymore. Toguro murders a Chimera which has an oddly similar backstory to Nina from FMA and he seems really bummed about it but he’s like “Hey we’re both monsters made by humans telling us to do shit, so sorry for killing you bro”. And Tarukane basically sees Toguro is the next boss and is like “Yup time to scam some people off of this” and he sets up a betting ring for how far Yusuke and Co will get into his compound. This is kinda neat because it puts Tarukane in the weird position of betting against his own guards and hoping Yusuke will make it all the way to Toguro and then lose after everyone else has seen how awesome Yusuke is and bets on him. And funnily enough Sakyo’s in on the betting and he’s watched anime before so he knows to bet on the plucky teenagers with weird powers. So yeah Yusuke and Kuwabara finish plowing through the demons while Hiei kinda stalks them and remembers getting his eye surgery and wanting to help his sister but it’s kind of against spirit world rules for demons to just go plow through humans even if they’re scumbag humans so now Yusuke and Kuwabara have to go fight the Triad of boss demons Toguro has under him before Hiei busts in and just murders everyone for kidnapping his bird-loving jewel-crying little flower of a sister.

Fate Zero: So Kiritsugu can break Kayneth’s Terminator 2 Gaara defenses with rib bullets that just say ‘no’ to using magic and fucks his arrogant ass up. Saber and Lancer do some combo shenanigans to stab Caster right in the book and disrupt all his hentai tentacle demons but the book heals so idk why he can’t just make more. Kirei fucks up Maiya and Iris but didn’t double tap Maiya and DID double tap iris but she’s got Saber’s bullshit healing scabbard on her which no one knows about so Saber’s like “uhhh why are you healing” and Iris can’t tell her so she’s basically “Uhh internet?” Lancer comes in to save Kayneth’s worthless ass and tells Kiritsugu to stop being a dick to Saber because she’s pretty dope. But as usual for an early Fate encounter, no one dies and nothing of terrible consequence happens despite it being teased a couple times. I’ve noticed a trend with Fate that it really doesn’t like killing characters early so you’re basically guaranteed to have the first 2-3 major battles have a zero net gain/loss. Rider in UBW was probably the subversion to that since it happened crazy fast and anticlimactic but even that wasn’t till like ten episodes in.

Konosuba: So we finally meet Wiz the big booby Lich and Kazuma learns a new skill, both fun things. Also the gang gets a house to stay in after escapades with an army of haunted dolls and the most “I need to pee” in a horror setting since Corpse Party. But yeah, good progress this time honestly, the living in a stable gag was getting kind of old so Kazuma’s a bit stronger now and they have a home base so that’s pretty cool. Also Wiz is a Demon General or some shit but no one cares cause there ain’t no money in murdering busty zombie waifus.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So turns out Minako is Princess Serenity, except everyone who knows anything about Sailor Moon or indeed plot structure knows Sailor Moon is Princess Serenity, that’s like the Luke I Am Your Father of this series. But still turns out Minako has been guiding everyone with the power of video games but also thinks the power of friendship sucks and she’s gotta go do everything alone. This makes things super awkward because Mamoru’s pretty sure he was in love with the Princess but likes Usagi, now instead of running with this interesting thread of a reincarnation falling in love with someone new we’re gonna do the reveal that Usagi’s the princess and the whole ‘till death do us part’ part of marriage was just a metaphor and you’re stuck with one person no matter how many times you reincarnate. But yeah, Minako fights the bad guy on top of the tower but he has Naraku’s Barrier now and Minako doesn’t have the Red Tessaiga upgrade yet so she needs the power of friendship but this barrier is friendship-proof and this fight is basically a bunch of kids on the playground making up increasingly stupid powers that negate the other powers the other guy just made up. Anyway Tuxedo Mask shows up and is like “Holy shit Sailor Moon I love when you kiss me and kick ass, go get em sweetie I’ll hold your flower” and they kiss and Usagi has learned that if she just pretends she got this the power of her confidence will beat the bad guy. Unfortunately she does not got this and Tuxedo Mask has to pull a Piccolo and throw himself in front of the blast.

Durarara!!:  So now that we’ve had our climax for the arc we have a six month timeskip and everyone’s just kinda living life, Mika and Seiji are being clinically insane together, there’s cops harassing Celty to the point of mental breakdown (normal cop stuff) Shinra’s dad’s in town, Namie’s become Izaya’s secretary for blackmail shit, you know, normal stuff. Also there’s a katana-wielding maniac going around slashing people and Anri’s being bullied and sexually harassed to the point of mental collapse, normal stuff.

[ilonga]

rise of skywalker and sequels salt time, y’all

things I’m salty about in the rise of skywalker and the star wars sequels, in no particular order:

- Finn was sidelined 

- FINN WAS SIDELINED

- he was such an interesting character with so much potential (a stormtrooper who deserted!! pretty sure that was the first time we’d ever seen that!!), and it was all ignored and he was turned into background noise for what?? kylo ren??

- seriously! after TFA, the movies should have explored his backstroy! we should have seen his stormtrooper past affect him!! maybe a stormtrooper revolution!! he should have had a CHARACTER ARC!

- also his force-sensitivity being turned into a joke and comic relief was frankly insulting

- they could have done so many things with that side of the character (even though it was kind of out of nowhere)! parallels between finn and rey, finn questioning his identity, the whole a former stormptrooper being force sensitive thing should have been explored!

- Poe was sidelined

- Poe was a spice runner for no reason?? 1) isn’t that a rude stereotype, and 2) Poe is not Han Solo 2.0!! he was his own, different character!

- Finn/Poe didn’t happen

- gonna be salty about that forever, though I guess I saw it coming :( (it’s disney, what did I expect?)

- but they gave Poe a straight love interest that we’d never heard of before this movie and who he had like two lines of dialogue with just to rub it in?? like, really?

- they completely forgot Rose existed

- like, listen, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the finnrose kiss either, but you can’t just pretend it didn’t happen and hope everyone forgets about it

- and sure, rose’s introduction and character in TLJ was a bit clumsy

- BUT YOU CAN’T JUST IGNORE HER AND PRETEND SHE DIDN’T HAPPEN

- she had a lot of potential as a character, and interesting backstory, a practical pragmatic personality, and a lot of ways she could play off the other characters

- TROS could have been where we saw Rose grow as a character and really shine

- instead, she was forgotten

- ugh

- REY PALPATINE WAS THE DUMBEST FRICKING THING OKAY--

- like, first of all, palpatine coming back for some reason somehow was the most ridiculous direction this movie could have gone and didn’t work, at all

- their enemy for the first TWO MOVIES was the First Order and Kylo Ren

- they had a huge moment in TLJ where the Resistance is steadily being destroyed and they won’t last long against the First Order

- now they’re supposed to take on the First Order and a now-supposedly-immortal emperor palpatine who has a collection of unmanned star destroyers he can control for some reason??

- both of them at once? the resistance is barely alive as is, now you’re adding an OP extra army + sith lord to the mix?

- I mean, this is ridiculous. Palpatine’s dead. Anakin’s big sacrifice in return of the jedi was KILLING palpatine. now he’s back, and the resistance somehow realises he’s back and decides he’s enemy #1 now?

- how did the resistance find out a dead sith lord came back to life on a remote planet anyways?

- and WHAT ABOUT, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST ORDER? AND KYLO REN?

- Kylo Ren, who they finally decided was going to be the main villain in TLJ (even with that stupid “rey trying to redeem the mass murderer” plot going on in the background), and now they don’t have the guts to commit to making him evil (which he was for the LAST TWO MOVIES AND THE MAJORITY OF TROS)

- so, since they weren’t committed enough to make Kylo a villain like he actually was and didn’t have the groundwork for a redemption, they just decided to ignore the fact that he was evil and hope it would go away

- like, are we going to forget that he literally MURDERED HIS DAD, HAN SOLO

- or that he and his first order destroyed a whole SYSTEM OF PLANETS? filled with billions of innocent people?

- he personally tortured Poe, he personally tortured Rey, and he was complicit in a system that kidnapped Finn, took him from his family, and brainwashed him

- not to mention that one of the opening scenes of TROS was him literally massacring people

- but no!! it’s all fine now, bc he looked at his dad’s ghost a little sadly and got a new lightsaber color

- like, no. he isn’t “redeemed” because he’s decided he has the hots for rey. heck, that makes it even worse. he’s been trying to manipulate her for all three movies, he’s gaslighted her, he’s threatened her, he’s hurt the people she cares about. NONE OF THAT IS OKAY. and it’s even less okay that all of his evil deeds can be written off because rey’s “”love”” for him “healed” him or whatever the fuck they want us to think

- and why would they have Rey HEAL him? after SHE stabbed him? in what universe does that make sense?? even if rey didn’t defeat him fairly bc he was distracted or whatever, this is still the supreme leader of the army rey and the rebels are trying to defeat. like, rey, are you a part of the resistance or not? it doesn’t matter if he was “nicer” to you than the rest of the rebels. He’s still your ENEMY. Your “”empathy”” here helps no one, least of all yourself. Kylo Ren dead would have been a massive victory for the resistance--maybe they’d even have had a chance against the first order then! you know, the first order? the enemy you were fighting for the last two movies? 

- is this the message you want to be sending to young girls in the audience? that it’s ok if their partner hurts them, hurts other people, is a bad person in general, because their love can “”heal”” him? and that eventually, he’ll turn good if you just try hard enough?

- this is how people wind up in abusive relationships!! that shit is NOT okay

- and the kiss is ridiculous for the same reasons. you don’t owe kylo ren anything, rey. Not in the least for “rescuing” from a situation that was pretty much created bc of him. He’s the one who teamed up with palpatine at the beginning of the movie, remember?

- sometimes I feel like this movie forgot that kylo ren is, you know, a bad person, which the other two movies spent their entire runtime showing us

- like darth vader’s sacrifice was one thing. first of all, it was for his son, his child, and secondly, vader was very much under the power of the emperor and debatably had the mindset of a slave

- kylo ren, on the other hand, was completely under his own power. HE was making the choices, and calling the shots. HE murdered Snoke. And he died for a girl he was manipulating and gaslighting constantly and that he didn’t have much of a connection to other than “the force”

- like, darth vader’s “”redemption”” definitely wasn’t perfect either. you can argue that him killing the emperor and sacrificing him self to save his son didn’t negate any of his actions or him being a bad person. but it was definitely more meaningful and better handled.

- and let’s talk about rey

- I will forever be bitter that rey didn’t get a meaningful character arc and character growth

- which is so disappointing because she was SUCH an interesting (& mysterious) character with so much potential in TFA

- I feel like, in making her palpatine, which was pretty out of nowhere and contrary to the last jedi, they were so busy trying to fit her heritage into the movie in a way that sort of made sense that they forgot to make the movie about her growing as a character and person

- couldn’t they at least have given her her own lightsaber?

- I mean, her being a palpatine is already ridiculous because since when does palpatine have a son? (clone, whatever) And since when did that son have some sort of epic struggle where he refuses to join palpatine and runs away? and when did that son find someone he fell in love with, and have a daughter? and then subsequently abandon her, a seven-ish year old, on a dangerous desert planet? (I mean, wasn’t palpatine dead by then anyways?)

- it just doesn’t fit with the already established star wars universe. we already know palpatine’s story (well, not the beginning of it, but enough). It was movies 1-6, clone wars, and rebels. if he had had a son that had a luke-esque struggle against the darkside, it would have shown up.

- it just doesn’t fit

- but anyways, back to rey

- I guess they were trying to give her some luke-style struggle where she struggles with her heritage and a pull to the darkside that she has to ultimately triumph over? but it doesn’t work

- one, because she never HAS any struggle with the dark side. shooting lightning out of your fingers out of nowhere doesn’t count (and wasn’t that a ridiculous scene. it was more comical than anything else, which is definitely not what they were going for)

- a struggle with the darkside is about being tempted to give into anger, fear, and hatred, and struggling not to do the wrong things and turn evil. In luke’s story, we SAW that. we also saw luke’s horror and eventual acceptance of his heritage, which we never really saw with rey. It was just like, “okay, guess I’m a palpatine?” and it wasn’t nearly as impactful bc palpatine had been dead for the past thirty-ish years. as a contrast, vader was a living and very present villain who the heroes had to contend with, and it was personal for most of them.

- so I guess they tried to make that her character arc, but it didn’t work. so we were left with a stale character who didn’t really have any meaningful victories or losses.

- is she really a “”mary sue”” like everyone’s claiming if they never really made the story about her?

- I think that was the biggest thing that was so unsatisfying about the sequels

- she was hyped up to be the first real mainstream female jedi protagonist (obviously clone wars got there first, but movies are definitely more mainstream than a show, sorry cw :( ), but she never really got a journey, struggles, or real triumphs. which is such a shame because she was this really empowering character in TFA that I was so excited to see more! but her trilogy-wide character arc just wasn’t satsifying

- I wanted to see her really struggle, and rise above her struggles! I wanted her to have meaningful triumphs!

- also I don’t think she ever got injured either, which is definitely a deviation from the star wars trilogy pattern. that’s kinda strange. (luke lost his hand & got electrocuted, han got frozen in carbonite, leia got tortured & shot, anakin got, well, a LOT of injuries, but even before becoming darth vader w/ the foregone conclusion, he had his arm cut off, padme was pretty heavily injured on genosis, and obi-wan was injured in the fight against dooku)

- yup

- also the sith wayfinder was kinda dumb, and I never felt like there were real stakes in TROS

- and let’s address the rey skywalker thing: ok, fine, I get what they were trying to say, kind of

- and I’m not foaming at the mouth about it like some people are. I’m fairly indifferent

- but it would have been a lot more meaningful if rey had had like, a really close, deep relationship with Leia and Luke, so she could say that she and they considered her a skywalker

- but she didn’t have that sort of relationship with them, not really. Sure, she and leia were friends on-screen, but that was it. and luke didn’t really seem to like her all that much. 

- so like, “meh”

- especially since Leia’s technically a Solo or an Organa, so that line working really relied on her relationship with Luke, which wasn’t strong enough

- yea, so that’s that

- the “jedi voices” scene was pretty cool though (AAAAH AHSOKA!! AND ANAKIN!! AND ALL THE OTHER JEDI!!), and I liked her yellow lightsaber (although she could have built her own lightsaber at the BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE, instead of carrying luke’s the whole time)

there are things I like about the sequels, mind you. a lot of things!! but there’s a lot I was disappointed in too.

congrats if you got this far, that was a LOT of salt

[altairattorney]

In response to your little rant about Homura's depiction in Rebellion, here's this.

"The end of Rebellion is... controversial, but let's unpack what happened here. What occurred?

Well, firstly, Homura was traumatized and tortured; the Homura at the end of Rebellion is not the Homura of PMAS; she's gone through trauma and loss that PMAS!Homura can't even conceive of. She literally turned into a fucking witch because Kyubey gaslit her into thinking she made up Madoka Kaname, according to Wraith Arc.

Then, during this process, she learns two important facts that fucks her worldview: 1) Madoka didn't want to leave her loved ones and give up her normal life if she had any other alternative, and 2) Kyubey is trying to destroy the Law of Cycles (that is, Madoka Kaname), and has figured out a means of stopping her from interacting with Magical Girls under controlled lab conditions, meaning they could eventually succeed in their objective.

That means if Homura let herself go into the Law of Cycles, she would be unable to protect Madoka, and the Incubators would eventually destroy her. Madoka will have been erased and forgotten with nothing to show for it. Homura could only cope with everything with the promise of being reunited with her and the solace that Madoka's sacrifice was worth it, and Kyubey took that away from her.

And, more importantly: Homura's wish had yet to come true. Homura's wish wasn't to be with Madoka, or to save the world. It was to protect Madoka. To be the one to protect her.

To put it in other terms, Homura was self-loathing to the point of suicide-ideation because she was worthless, good for nothing, a burden on everyone. That she should just die. Madoka saw worth in her, and tried to change that, but Madoka died.

Only one person in her entire life ever told Homura she was happy to have met her and this wonderful, kind, happy, heroic, courageous, beautiful, miracle of a person who walked into her life to tell her those words died.

DIED. FOR. HER.

Died to protect her. Died so that a worthless piece of SHIT like herself could live. Someone who had EVERYTHING in the world died with a smile to protect someone who didn't even want to. Not without her.

Not instead of her.

She was good for nothing before and now her mere existence caused the best person she'd ever known to die. She ruined Madoka's entire life by having been a part of it.

She has to fix it. She has the chance to.

She wishes, wishes, WISHES to go back, to unfuck this, to undo this, to be cool like Madoka said she could have been. To protect her. To be her shield. To be WORTH something because she protected something valuble. To pay her back for all her kindness like she'd never been able to do and finally, finally in her life, have done something that justifies everything else.

She didn't wish for Madoka to live. She didn't wish for her to be saved. She wished to be the one to save her so she could support her and reinvent herself as someone who isn't a garbage shit person.

And every single time, she fails.

No matter what she does. No matter how she compromises herself. No matter what disgusting sins she does (and she never crosses so many lines that she says she WOULD cross). Madoka keeps dying.

And most of those times. She dies for Homura. She dies, again, for Homura. She dies again and again and again and again in order to help Homura.

Until the very last time, she wishes to save Homura (and everyone else), so much that she never existed at all.

Dammit. Dammit. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. This is worse this is WORSE THIS IS WORRRRSE!

But she still tries to cope. Madoka's in heaven. She's saving everyone. Madoka had a smile. The world is BETTER, and she'll see her again.

Until the above happened. And Kyubey is going to destroy Madoka Kaname. She won't have ever been born and she won't even be saving Magical Girls. She'll truly be nothing.

Because she came to save Homura, fucking AGAIN.

And all this time she still never saved her. Never ONCE saved her. Not a single time has she ever, ever, EVER fucking saved her. Not ever, has she ever saved her, not even when Madoka made her final fucking wish.

Homura made a wish that never came true. So she never stopped being Good for Nothing. She has never made up for Madoka's kindness. She has never, emotionally, left that moment where she sobbed over Madoka's dead corpse in the water and the rain. And she's done that so many fucking times.

So that's her mindset. So when she saw the chance. She took it. If you can interact with Madoka, you can effect Madoka. So.

God dammit. Fucking for once. Fucking finally. This time, her last chance she'll EVER HAVE... she will save her.

Save Madoka Kaname. Not a vague concept. Not a hero. Not a law or a god. Not a cosmic idea. Madoka. KANAME. The person who smiled at her and said she was cool. The person who helped her buy a cellphone. The kind, wonderful person who loved and named a stray cat and pressed her face to hers and laughed and congratulated her for her accomplishments. The person who said that meeting Homura was her happiest memory.

Why can't this person, of all people, be happy? All Madoka Kaname wanted was to live her fucking life. With her family. With her friends and classmates. Living her day to day life which wasn't anything special but it was so special to her.

She WILL save her. Goddammit, she failed so many times because she always kept holding herself back but if this is her last chance then GODDAMMIT fuck it all, damn herself too.

She never cared, really, about being with Madoka. She was willing to die for her. She explicitly had plans to leave the town to Kyouko after Walpurgisnacht and LEAVE (probably to kill herself so her Witch didn't come for Madoka). She was going to die for her in Rebellion so that she'd be safe from the Incubators.

If she could save her, if she can finally succeed and protect that human smile living her human life, it's fine if Homura Akemi isn't a part of it. If Madoka can smile, she doesn't have to smile at her anymore. That's PERFECTLY FINE.

So she did it. She stole a piece of the Law of Cycles. Not a big piece. Not the Law, or the Power, or the Salvation. The Law of Cycles still functions in some sense, because there's still no Witches, there's still Wraiths, there's still Angels.

She stole "Madoka Kaname", the human being that the Goddess used to be. She stole her, yes. She took over the universe, yes. But what did she do?

She made it so Madoka Kaname existed, again. Reunited with everyone she cared about. She gave Kyouko, Mami, Sayaka, and everyone else the happiest lives she could give them without undoing their pasts (disrespecting their agency and core selves), even if it was only to keep Madoka happy in her silver garden.

She tortures Kyubey but no one's crying tears over that fucker. She seems to be letting the world run its course as naturally as possible, save for suppressing people's memories of what's really going on.

Sayaka, alive. Nagisa, alive. Living with Kyouko and Mami respectively. Madoka, alive.

Hell, the only change she made that we know of to Madoka's memories is three years in America.

Because, canonically, English is Madoka's worst subject.

And now, she's great at it.

No matter what it takes. Madoka Kaname will be happy. She deserves it. And Homura will make that happen, even if she, herself, never is.

But yeah go off about how Homura is a yandere stalker who likes to kill people."

Hey there! I thank you for your post and your insight, and I wanted to clarify that I don't disagree at all with this view of Rebellion and how it ended. I think it is all correct, actually. The problem I have with it is 1. Rebellion existing at all, and 2. the way they portrayed her choice as an act of evil conceived by a demon.

To begin with, there are a few details that I don't think really make sense considering how pmmm worked. Homura shouldn't even be a witch, first of all. Secondly, even though she cannot know for sure, I don't think Homura would have willingly told Kyubey about the world of before if there were any danger. Heck, I don't even understand how Kyubey could possibly have stolen Madoka, now that she is not an entity but a literal concept, a rule of the universe. Imo that is beyond absurd. Third, I am doubtful Homura would have gone against Madoka's wish, even though I totally understand why she did in the context of Rebellion.

The problem I have with Homura is that people thought about her as a yandere emotionless stalker who has an unhealthy obsession with Madoka even before Rebellion existed. That was a popular sentiment, and the big, big problem I have with this film is that while what she did isn't inherently bad or wrong - as you explained - the movie paints her as a LITERAL DEMON in the moment she makes that choice, and ALSO at the exact same time she declares her love canonically. That is so fucked up in so so so many ways. As not literal it may be, they gave her that creepy smile, and show that Madoka is confused in her new bubble and feels like she is someone else but can't remember why. And Homura brushes it off. As wonderful as it is that she is there, Madoka is uncomfortable, Sayaka is obviously enraged and Homura plays the part of the Evil Character.

This is just all so unfair and so wrong. It doesn't only negate the way this anime ended - and of course Homura deserved to go with peace and quiet like everyone else. No magical girl has to ever suffer like that again, including Madoka, right? (There were so many ways to reunite her with Madoka, but no.) It also visibly paints Homura as being on the dark side, and validates the horrific lens people saw her character through even before the film. It canonizes her as a lesbian in the same moment she is doing something clearly framed as wrong, and, on a surface level, reinforces her obsession. This is just a textbook predatory lesbian trope. I am sorry if you don't see it the same way, but it is just horrific to me.

I will never agree with Rebellion existing. I cannot stand the ending of this anime being undone and Homura being punched in the face and further tortured both in universe and as a character, after all the crap she went through. It is just disrespectful.

And as I said, she deserved better.

[darkshrimpemotions]

The sheer existence of a J*hn Winchester defense squad fucking baffles me. Like, here you have this character that shows up in 22 episodes out of 328 total, and that’s counting flashbacks, voice-only appearances, and time travel. And beyond that he literally only exists in canon as the source of ten kinds of trauma for his deeply fucked-up children, who struggle their whole lives both with the cognitive dissonance of remembering him vs. loving him and their inability to ever fully move past all the big and small ways in which he fucked them up.

Yeah, Sam and Dean were fucked with by lots of outside forces over the years, but the first and most lasting trauma they ever suffered was from their father. Losing their mother was terrible and traumatic, but that one night is not the reason Dean struggles with expressing his emotions, has a martyr complex, fears abandonment, is codependent as hell, thinks of himself as worthless/expendable, and overcompensates like its his goddamn job. All of that came from being raised by John.

And that one night is definitely not the reason Sam sees himself as a freak, fears letting people down, is conflict-avoidant, struggles to own his own mistakes, and has control issues and an overdeveloped flight response. Because he doesn’t remember that night at all! He said himself, he has no memories of Mary except what Dean and John tell him until he meets her via time travel.

Every problem Sam and Dean have when we first meet them, every character flaw and emotional issue that gets exploited by later agents of trauma, was formed in the crucible of John Winchester’s A+ parenting skills.

And yet there are so many people that get absolutely livid if you just...list off John’s canonical actions and call them what they are, which is child abuse. People will bend over backwards to try and explain why leaving a twelve-year-old alone looking after an eight-year-old with loaded guns in the room for days at a time is fine actually, because they had spaghettios and cereal and the door was locked and the twelve-year-old knew how to use the gun. Or why Dean or Sam’s own words about their father aren’t to be taken seriously (serious fucking yikes).

Or they’ll try to rules-lawyer you and say that you’re being “interpretive” by making extremely fucking basic logical connections like “John left his kids alone for days at a time” because we don’t actually see like, a time-and-date-stamped episode showing Day 1-5 of Sam and Dean alone in a room with a voiceover telling us “John left his two children alone in this hotel room from December 20th to December 26th with no adult supervision whatsoever.”

Or they’ll point to the fact that Sam and Dean love their father as proof he wasn’t abusive, or his sacrifice to save Dean as proof that he wasn’t abusive, as if abused children don’t love their parents all the time, as if one act of love negates or absolves John of everything else.

And I just...don’t understand the reason why? Like what are your stakes here? What is the reason? Can you just not accept that you find an abusive, fucked-up character compelling or interesting? Can you not reconcile the idea of abused children still loving their parents because you’ve never been abused? Or do you have parents like John that you don’t want to look too closely at? Like what is your deal, because there is no logical fucking reason to be this invested in “proving” a tertiary fictional character is not abusive, especially when it regularly requires telling people who say point-blank “John’s behavior reminds me of my own abusive parent” that John’s actions aren’t abuse, actually, because reasons.

And don’t even get me started on this new “John was not homophobic!!!” hill his stans want to die on, which is fucking laughable like. You want to tell me an ex-Marine who served in Vietnam and grew up in Kansas in the fucking 60s and raised his sons within a toxic, violent hypermasculine underground subculture of vigilantes was...what? Massively more progressive than his general surroundings, because you said so? Do you think Dean grew up hearing “gay is okay” and seeing his dad defend queer people and is just Like That because he thinks it’s fun? Do you think the JW in SJW stands for John Winchester?

Is this what purity culture does to people? Makes them bend over backwards to defend a canonical child abuser because otherwise they’d have to admit to having a Problematic Fave and we can’t have that?

Listen. It’s okay. You can rest now. Just whisper your truth in my ear. I promise I won’t tell the mean old purity police. You can admit that John Winchester is an abuser and was probably a homophobe, but you still find him interesting. It’s okay. It’s okay. Shhhhh.

[nickelkeep]

Try Something New

Pairing: Sam/Eileen/Gabe Rating: T Word Count: 2.1K Warnings: Season 15 Fix It, Pre-Poly, Poly Negotiations Written For: FicWip’s Holiday Exchange Nope, still not on Ao3. Still Working on that.

Sam sat at the War Table. His laptop was open, and the software that Charlie had made so long ago was scanning newspapers across the country. While it was scrolling dutifully, it was the last thing on his mind. Sam’s attention was focused on the small cell phone in his hand. Every time the screen went black, he would hit the button to wake it back up. His own face would look back at him, smiling.

Even after everything Chuck had dragged them through, Eileen had kept Sam’s picture as her phone’s lock screen. Sam shivered involuntarily as he thought of Eileen.

Everyone who had been snapped by Chuck had been returned. Charlie. Stevie. Bobby. Donna. Jody. The girls. Every single one of them had been restored by Jack. It didn’t make sense. Even Cas, who had been taken by the Empty, was returned sans grace by Jack.

So where was she?

It wasn’t like Sam didn’t pray to Jack. He did, once a day. The kid might be the new God, but he was still his, Dean’s, and Cas’ son first. And every time he prayed, Sam asked for some sort of sign that Eileen was alive.

Sam set down Eileen’s phone and picked up his own. There were no new texts, no missed calls.

Fuck, he needed something to distract him from the growing chasm inside his chest. It was time to take a page from Dean’s book of coping. A visit with the other Jack.

...

Several shots later, Sam groaned as his head hit the table beneath him. “Why did I think this would be a good idea?” A hand rested on his shoulder, and a cool wave of relief rushed through him.

“I’m not sure.” Sam turned his head to the side and looked up, his eyes finding the mischievous golden eyes of Gabriel smiling down at him. “You had a choice of two Jacks, and you chose the one that comes in a bottle.”

“Gabe? No. You’re in the fucking empty. I’m fucking hallucinating.” Sam rotated his head back so his forehead rested on the chilled wood. He let out a sigh. “If I’m talking to a ghost, I might as well get it off my chest. Jack wasn’t answering.”

“I’m as real as they get, Sam.” For a hallucination, Gabriel was actually pretty solid. “As for Jack, I’m not surprised. The kid’s following in Pop’s footsteps. A hands-off approach.” The inflection in Gabriel’s voice betrayed his annoyance. “So, you pray to Jack, you tell him about your day.”

“I ask about Eileen! I ask him every day for some sort of sign she’s alive.” Sam scoffed as he sat up. “I don’t get anything from him. There’s no response.”

Gabriel’s smile broadened across his face as he laughed. “I’m sorry, Sam. I know it’s not funny. You’re clearly missing her. But, as the last remaining Archangel, I thought you were getting my sign.” He handed Sam Eileen’s phone. “Have you needed to charge it? Has it died once since you started asking if she’s okay?”

“What?” Sam took the phone hesitantly. He pressed the button to wake it up and promptly looked at the battery. 100% Charge. “You kept her phone charged to show me that she’s alive?”

“This is me we're talking about. I thought it was clever. You’re always looking at it, flipping through the pictures Eileen keeps on it. Re-reading your messages with her.” Gabriel walked around the table and sat down across from Sam. “I figured that as long as it was alive, one, you’d be able to smile on your memories with Eileen, and two, you would know that she’s alive.”

“Gabe, I didn’t notice until just now.” Sam ran his fingers through his hair before setting her phone down. “I mean, I should have. But it’s been the last thing on my mind.” He rubs his face before resting his head in his palms. “So wait. You’re alive, and she’s alive?”

“Very much so,” Gabriel replied. “I’m sorry my message wasn’t clear.”

Sam jumped up at the confirmation. “Gabe, she’s alive?!”

“Yeah, Sam. I think we need to get your hearing checked as I already confirmed it several times over.” Gabriel tilted his head, watching Sam’s reaction. “I thought you would be happy to know that I’ve been keeping an eye on her. When Jack restored everyone, I made sure that I was there when he restored her. Someone needed to be with her. Jack was a little focused on reviving Cas to focus on the people he UnThanosed.”

“Why isn’t she here? Where is she? Is she hurt or stuck? Do I need to go get her?”

Gabriel did his best to appear innocent. “She wanted to learn to believe again.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Over the months, you all did something unthinkable—you, Dean, Cas, Rowena, Eileen, even Jack. You guys saved the world. There were sacrifices. You lost loved ones.” Gabriel reached across the table and picked up Eileen’s phone. “And even though you succeeded in the end, it was still with great sacrifice. Dean lost Cas. You lost Eileen. The Winchester found family was dust in the wind.

“Once you guys defeated Chuck, and Jack took his power and absorbed Amara, he tried to reset the world as best as a three-year-old could. He brought back everyone. He returned your loved ones.” Gabriel gestured to himself as he looked up at Sam. “When Jack restored Eileen, I made sure I was there. I didn’t want her to forget what happened, so I was there.”

Sam sat back down slowly. “She wouldn’t have remembered Chuck erasing her?”

“Jack brought everyone back, and despite what you may think of me, I wanted to make it as minimally traumatic as possible. So when everyone returned, I erased the memory of them not feeling so well. For the majority of the world, it was like no time passed at all.” Gabriel twirled a finger, and a sucker manifested. He unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth.

“I can understand that. But what does that have to do with Eileen?”

“She remembers everything. Eileen remembers you bringing her back to life, how it was Chuck’s manipulation. She remembers your proclamation of love before she left the bunker to find herself.” Gabriel looked around the library before leaning forward like he had a secret. “Eileen thinks that she let you down.”

“What? No!” Sam shook his head. “What happened was out of her control. Chuck did manipulate her, but her feelings, our feelings? Those were real. They belonged to us!”

Gabriel nodded. “I am well aware. However, Chuck also knew this and lied to make you believe that they weren’t.”

“I thought we had moved past that.” Sam hung his hand between his heads.

“Well, being erased, then brought back by Jack, being welcomed back to life by me, it kinda threw her faith again.” Sam’s jaw dropped, and his mouth gaped open, causing Gabriel to quickly explain. “She wants to know she’s going to stay on Earth this time. Eileen doesn’t want to go back to hell or go to heaven yet. She thought I was there to take her up to the pearly gates.” Gabriel pointed his lollipop at Sam. ”She doesn’t want to be nothing or forgotten. She doesn’t want to just be. Eileen wants to know her place in this world.”

“That’s all fair and good, Gabe, but I’ve been worried sick, no way to find her.” Sam looked at the Archangel sitting across from him. “Does she not want to be with me?”

“She thinks that you may not want to be with her.” Gabriel kicked his feet up on the table and leaned back in his seat. “Something about Sam’s angel is back to watch over him.”

Sam nodded. Then realized what Gabriel said. “Wait, what?”

“When she realized I was alive, since you know, I’m the one who went to her, she thought it was me staking my claim on you.” Gabriel held his hands up when Sam scowled. “I didn’t. I actually told her otherwise. That you mourned me and moved on.”

“That’s not entirely true.” Sam blushed. “Eileen knows how much I love you, Gabe. She and I have a different love from what you and I had. Have. I don’t even know right now.” He shook his head. “I need to find her, Gabe. If I had known she was actively hiding from me…”

“You’d what? Try and find her? Eileen’s one of the best hunters out there. She’d outrun you every time.” Gabriel pulled his sucker out of his mouth again and stared at it for a moment. “Ever think that I may have made myself known to you right now because maybe now she’s ready?”

“Is this one of your tricks, Gabe?”

Gabriel at least pretended to be offended. “Me, pull a trick in regards to something this serious?” When Sam’s face twisted into trademarked bitchface number 135, Gabriel shook his head and laughed. “Sam, I’m serious when it comes to this.“

"So what makes you think she wants to see me now?”

“I’ve been with her this entire time, Sam.” Gabriel paused to let that register. “We’ve spent the past couple of months getting to know each other. I certainly wasn’t joking when she said that she wanted to know her place in this world.”

“Where is she?”

Gabriel closed his eyes, and a moment later, Eileen walked into the Library. “Hi, Sam.” She looked nervous, almost afraid, and Sam hated it. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Sam signed as he asked his question.

“I assume Gabe told you already? About me wanting to find me again?” Eileen waited for Sam to nod before continuing. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that while everything may have been a part of Chuck’s story, that it didn’t negate what I felt for you. Or what you feel for me. I know that we had started working on it, but when Gabe found me, everything I had started to build came falling down like a house of cards.”

Sam shot another bitchface – number thirty-seven - at Gabriel, who held up his hands in defense again. Sam deflated and looked at Eileen. “I would have been happy to talk to you.” He looked at Gabriel, continuing his signing for Eileen. “Both of you.”

“I know, Sam. Gabe knows too. But the truth be told, I really did need to figure out what my role in life, especially now that Chuck is gone, and Jack is in charge.” Eileen looked at Gabe and smiled. “I’m still my own woman, I can still kick any monster’s ass, I’m still independent. But I have two very dedicated people who love me.”

“Two?” Sam followed Eileen’s gaze to Gabriel. “Gabe?”

Gabriel shrugged. “What can I say? I see why she means the world to you.” He offered a hand to both Sam and Eileen. “I don’t see a reason why this can’t work, Sam. You and ‘Leen have your relationship. ‘Leen and I have ours, And then we have ours. Three separate relationships between three people who care deeply about each other.”

“You make it sound easy.” He looked back to Eileen and repeated his statement in Sign for her. “What do you think, Eileen?”

“I think nothing in life is easy. Especially the things you want. You work for what you want.” She looked at Gabriel and smiled before looking back at Sam. “It might not be easy, but it’s something we deserve. Happiness.”

Sam worried his bottom lip as the words of both his lover and former lover embedded themselves in his brain and heart. He could have both. They had gone searching for answers together, and both agreed on one thing.

Him.

“This is new territory for me”— Sam held up a finger when Gabriel tried to interject. —“for all of us. But if you both are willing, then I’m willing.” He looked over at Eileen. “But we need to be open with each other.” He turned to Gabe. “And we need to be honest with each other.”

Gabriel wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist at the same time he pulled Eileen in for a hug. “We get it, Sam.” He kissed the top of Eileen’s head before standing on tiptoe to kiss Sam. “And you got us.”

[miggydiaz]

for the salty ask: 3, 7, 10, 11, 15, 16, 19, 22, 23, 24, 25 and 27 for spn

I had to do this one today because I have a LOT of Supernatural feelings and so a lot of these are even longer than my CK one. But thanks for the ask @wonderwolfballoon!

UNPOPULAR SUPERNATURAL OPINIONS AHOY: INCLUDES ANTI-DESTIEL SENTIMENTS AND OTHER UNSAVORY ELEMENTS

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? 100000000% I have unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion in the SPN fandom. SPN was the fandom that taught me to make JUDICIOUS use of the blocking feature tumblr offers in order to curate my experience. I would actually encourage anyone and everyone to use the blocking feature if they disagree with people. Honestly, we don’t owe anyone our time or energy, especially on the internet! It is much healthier than sending or responding to hate, IMO. 7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?* This is actually a hard one for me to answer, so let me start by saying -- I have not seen a SINGLE episode since 9x05? I think? Whichever episode was the Dr. Deanlittle one where he talks to animals. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the first 5 seasons, and they are all I watch anymore and I pretend nothing else exists after that (except The French Mistake because that episode is hilarious). But uh... I guess the simple answer is when I was originally watching it, I really loved Dean. He was brash, snarky, rough around the edges... but kind of soft in a I’m too toxically masculine to deal with my softness sort of way that I love seeing characters grow out of as they mature. But when I go back and rewatch now, much older than I was in 2006 when I first started watching, I see how awful a lot of his older behavior truly was. I still love Dean, and I will be a Dean girl until I die probably, but sometimes you gotta remind yourself that your faves have been problematic in the past so you don’t put them up on fandom constructed pedestals.

10. Most disliked arc? Why? AND AS A BONUS, MY ANSWER to 11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? I could write a literal essay about all of the problems I have with the later seasons (the ones I watched, which encompasses 6, 7, 8, and a few episodes of 9). But by far and away, the thing I hated most, was the Men of Letters.

Okay, this is where I am going to recognize my love of certain characters is at FUNDAMENTAL ODDS with how that character develops later and what history and background we get later on them. I RECOGNIZE this character is problematic, and I would NEVER STAND for his shit IRL, but fiction is complicated and nuanced, and fantastic circumstances do not make for normal behaviors. That being said, with all warnings I could possibly give, and with the full understanding that what I am about to say is basically fandom blasphemy of the highest order...

I like John Winchester’s character.

I know, I know. If you wanna stop reading and block me now, you are free to do that. I will not hold it against you. I am not about to apologize for anything he has done. I just need to contextualize why I have such an issue with the MOL storyline and it starts with the simple fact that I liked John Winchester as he was originally presented.

To me, and with the full understanding that I am answering this from the perspective of someone who DOES NOT regard anything past season 5 as personal canon, John Winchester is the perfect example of a truly complicated character. Here’s a parent who, if we take the pilot and the original s2 Djinn episodes at face value, could have been a great parent, who then got shoved into a fantastically impossible situation and made terrible choices that he thought were necessary in order to keep himself and his sons safe. That does not EXCUSE the heaps of abuse that he piled onto Dean in any way. We know John and Mary didn’t have a great marriage. But we also know from the pilot that John was at least a caring and present father, mostly,  for the 4 years he got to parent in a normal world, and that if Mary had lived, John would’ve been a softball playing dad who raised his kids and had a loving marriage with his wife. (Again, I need to reiterate, I did not watch anything past the early episodes of s9. If there is later canon that negates this, I do not know about it, nor do I want to because I don’t think of anything past 5 as canon) This is all important to me because these things emphasize that John was “NORMAL”. He was a mechanic, from a family of mechanics, whose father didn’t bail on him (a man in the episode where Dean is transported back in time to Lawrence tells John to ‘say hi to your old man for me’ or something to that effect). He was just a midwestern dude. Giving John Winchester a fantastical background through this Men of Letters bullshit made me SO MAD. First of all, I hate when later canon negates previous canon. I cannon TELL you how much I hate it. And the later seasons of Supernatural are riddled with stuff that doesn’t make any damn sense in the context of original, Kripke written canon, which is exactly why I stopped watching. That’s not ~Evolution of the show.~ That’s conveniently forgetting stuff that made your show and its premise so successful to begin with in order to keep filming episodes so you can keep making money. It’s the sacrifice of art for capitalism and yes I know this is a stupid TV show but as a writer myself it PISSES ME OFF.

/rant

ALSO, the idea that this toxically masculine family was set on this path by Heaven, and inherited this curse that put them on this path from their mother was such a good plot twist in its heyday. We spent four seasons thinking of Mary Winchester as a victim of circumstance, whose fate could not have been avoided because she was the mother to Sam, who is effectively cursed. And then, we learn that its BECAUSE of Mary that this ball even got rolling in the first place. IDK if you were around for that time in the fandom but at least in my circle, this was a big fucking deal. There had been so much (rightful) discourse about John before this, and what kind of parent he was, that Mary became almost deified in the same way Dean deifies her. And then we find out that this whole story gets set in motion by a decision she made because this was the life she found herself in. This was great. It was interesting. And even though the MOL doesn’t negate any of this, it does give John this weirdly fantastical that isn’t necessary. Let this guy be just some Joe Schmoe who fell in love with a kick ass hunter and had no idea any of this even existed. Let Mary and her want to be ‘normal’ be a complicated moral choice that fundamentally altered the paths of her husband and sons. It’s good tv!

Also, I fucking hate the bunker. The best episodes are Dean and Sam having moments in the car, or while in motel rooms on their cases, or whatever. I don’t mind them having a home base. I’m fine with that. But if a building could ever be a Mary Sue character, the bunker is it. I hate all of the MOL storyline, starting with this place.

I may not even tag this as Supernatural, I don’t need angry later season stans in my inbox.

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

There’s nothing good about anything that happened after season 6. It’s all a bunch of retconning bullshit. Season 6 had its moments where it was interesting, so I cut it a little bit of slack, but as far as I’m concerned, the show ended in season 5. I’m not sure that’s necessarily unpopular, but it does feel that way on tumblr, so. 

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

Aside from ending it in season 5?

Oooh, I’m about to blaspheme again. I am definitely not tagging this as Supernatural.

I would never have introduced Castiel, and I would’ve given that entire storyline to Anna. Or, alternatively, I would’ve flipped their story lines.

Look, for whatever it’s worth... I agree with the idea that Dean Winchester is a repressed bisexual. His Dr. Sexy love, the entire storyline with Benny in season 8, etc. I just don’t think he feels romantically about Castiel. And like, that’s okay! Just because you’re not into someone who is into you doesn’t mean you owe them a relationship or anything, no matter what the fandom thinks.

But I also think Dean has a big problem when it comes to women. Again, obviously later on in the series, Dean shifts and Charlie happens and Claire Novak and I know all of these things from gifs okay, context is not applicable here because I have none. But early on, Dean struggles A LOT with thinking of women as A) capable and B) trustworthy. He exists in a perpetual state of identifying women along the Madonna/Whore binary. Even Jo, however you feel about her, and to be clear, I loved Jo, but he doesn’t stop thinking of her really as a kid until they’re about to shoot the devil. Up until then, he’s genuinely surprised Ellen lets her out of the damn house.

Giving him a strong, capable woman who rebels against Heaven for HIM would have fundamentally altered Dean’s perceptions of women much earlier on than we get and would have forced him to examine some of that misogyny head on.

Dean has no problems trusting men. This is why the entire Gordon fiasco happens, right? It was less work for him to trust Castiel because Castiel is the inverse of Ruby. Angel to her Demon. Angels and demons don’t really have genders, but for the sake of presentation of vessels, man to her woman. Not even getting me started on the problematic parts of having significant demons mostly symbolized by women (Meg, Ruby, Lilith) and having significant angels mostly represented by Men (Castiel, Michael, Lucifer, Zachariah, Gabriel, Raphael), and how that ties into the idea of Original Sin and yada yada, but just like it’s interesting to have Mary and her decisions be the catalyst for the story, it’s interesting to have this badass warrior angel in Anna who marches down to Hell to yank Dean out, and through her interactions with him, decide to rebel against the ultimate patriarchy, while Dean gets an equally strong female counterpart to Sam’s Ruby, a woman for all intents and purposes that he respects as a soldier and an ally and not just a potential piece of ass.

Also, Castiel fans being literally unbearable is why I left the fandom. Nothing against Misha or anything, and not even anything against Cas as a character (who I very much enjoyed in seasons 4 and 5), but his fans have always been the worst and they try to insert him into everything.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Castiel/Destiel fans, which even though I also hated the direction the show was going, drove me out of the fandom. Not like, personally or directly, but just the sheer mental hoops they had to jump through in order to make their ship work and I just got tired of seeing all of the contrived meta on my dash. Oh, and the rampant misogyny that came out of those early Castiel fans. I didn’t appreciate it from the Wincest corner, and I definitely didn’t appreciate it from the fans of the new guy. Gross.

22. Popular character you hate?

Oof. I don’t know. I don’t really hate Castiel, because again, I liked him a lot in seasons 4 and 5. Even 6 was interesting, even if I don’t regard it as my own personal show canon. I don’t think there was a popular character in those first five seasons I ever really hated. I didn’t fundamentally hate a character at all until the MOL stuff came around. Um. Yeah, I don’t really have an answer for this.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Pretty much every female character ever. Jo, Ellen, Ruby, Meg... although Meg became more popular as the series went on, Anna. Um. OH, BELA. Bela ESPECIALLY, I recently rewatched season 3 and I cannot emphasize how MUCH I love Bela. She was the best purely human foil ever. Bela is hands down the character I love most that the fandom had frothing at the mouth hatred for. It doesn’t help that I legitimately think Lauren Cohan is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. But seriously, Bela. Hands down.

24. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not? 

I have! Many of times, and ALWAYS WITH THE CAVEAT to stop at the end of season 5. Not a single one of them has listened to me and almost all of them came to me at the end of the finale and were like WHY DID I WASTE SO MUCH TIME, and I don’t want to say I told them so, but like, I explicitly in neon colored text once told them so, so like, idk what to tell them. But yes! I think if someone is interested in some classic mystery television that has an overarching theme of family and forgiveness and striking out against the boxes that life tries to put us all into, SPN is a great show. But only the first 5 seasons. Also, be prepared for some thematically problematic parts of the show because there’s a lot of cishet toxic masculinity in those early seasons, and we should examine our media critically. There’s also a lot of good though too, and IMO, the good outweighs the bad.

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

I would’ve ended it at season 5. I would’ve had Sam escape the pit and seen him standing under the street lamp, but then I would’ve had him walking away to leave Dean with Lisa (btw, side note, I DIDN’T like Lisa because I don’t think Dean would ever be truly happy with someone completely outside the life). Not because Sam doesn’t love his brother, but because he *does* love his brother, and because he would want Dean to be happy, even though Dean and Sam’s ideas of what makes the other happy have always been a little bit screwed up.. but that’s a different story.

27. Least shippable character?

Probably Zachariah. God, could you imagine? And... maybe Alastair, but I’m sure there are fics out there that I do not want to think about.

[inwardphae]

Not my Steve (please share!)

Alright, it took me three days to digest Avengers: Endgame enough to be able to write this rant and it’s SOLELY about Steve Rogers. Please, read and share if you agree ‘cause I believe that there are things that Marvel should be made aware of. 

Thanks for the help, love you all xx Obviously, spoilers from now on.

First thing I wanna say is that I loved the movie, I found it a great homage and the rightful conclusion after 11 years of movies, and the right conclusion for so many characters with their specific arc and personal development (never been a fan of Tony Stark, but I truly appreciated his arch in the movie). Except for Steve Rogers. Here’s why.

I found Steve splendid and so well made throughout the whole movie, him trying to help others to move on but at the same time being unable to do it himself exactly because Steve is Steve, because of what he represents. I LOVED the fact that they let him hold Mjolnir -honestly, it was long overdue.  (There’s a bit of a debate about whether or not he should have been able to call the lightning: we know that both Mjolnir and Stormbreaker are catalysts that help Thor direction his own lightning, and in that sense Steve shouldn’t be able to do it. But it’s also true that in the first Thor Odin said “Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor”.)

But let’s get to the true problem, the absolute bullshit, the denial of 10 years of work on the character: THE ENDING. There are literally tons of reasons why this conclusion doesn’t work, let’s start from the more obvious ones. And please, note that I’m saying all this not because I personally ship Stucky -I doubt that any Stucky shipper in their right mind would have expected for it to become canon, honestly-, I’m saying his because I’m a person with eyes and that’s enough to realize that there’s something terribly wrong with this choice. Regardless of whatever I wanted or hoped for Steve in this movie.

I find this conclusion an utter and complete disservice to a character who’s had his arc and a specific characterisation: it negates all the efforts, the pain, all the space in the world that Steve managed to carve out for himself in the 21st century. It’s a disservice to Peggy who loses her autonomy as a character, who loses her personal history -we know from TWS that she was married, with kids at least a niece that we know of, she lived her life. It’s a disservice to her own words “none of us can go back, sometimes the only thing we can do is start over”- WHICH, just to remind everyone, was also a quote used in one of the Endgame teasers. I’m saying all this despite the fact that I personally appreciated Peggy very much and despite having loved Peggy and Steve together at the times of TFA. And moreover, after all the pain, the family that Steve managed to create for himself, the battles he fought, what does Steve do? He goes back? He goes back instead of going forward? Steve, “the kid from Brooklyn too dumb not to run away from a fight”, Steve fucking Rogers RUNS AWAY and goes back to the past? Steve denies himself, abandons everyone and goes to the past? No way, no fucking way. I swear I’ve never seen so much OOC in one scene.

There’s also the problem of the potential huge plot hole. There are two options: let’s break it down.

Option 1: Steve goes back to the 1950s, marries Peggy and, as suggested by the timetravel theory used in the whole movie, he creates an alternative timeline to the main one where they live together. And where he (presumably, I hope) goes to save Bucky to prevent 70 years of torture, brainwashing and conditioning, and to prevent the reconstruction of Hydra. Then again, presumably after Peggy’s death in this alternative timeline, he travels through the quantic realm again and gets back to the main timeline where he meets Sam and Bucky. Problems with this option? Well, it doesn’t contradict the timetravel theory of the movie, but there’s still the problem of the other Steve in the alternative timeline, who’s currently frozen in the Arctic. What happens to him?

Option 2: Steve goes back to the 1950s, marries Peggy, he doesn’t create a different timeline and simply lives his life to the point that he meets with Sam and Bucky in 2023, as it seems to be suggested by the fact that Steve is already there, sitting on the bench, when Bucky spots him. He doesn’t get there through the portal. Problems with this option? TONS. First of all, it contradicts the whole timetravel theory of the movie (see above), it implies that at some point Old Steve and Young Steve must have coexisted, and especially it implies that Steve radically changed the past. If he marries Peggy, Peggy doesn’t marry her husband, and the whole future should change. Does it mean that Steve has been Peggy’s husband all along, like in a time loop? Then does it mean that he kissed his own nephew? Sharon *coughs* Carter? As you can see, there are HUGE problems with this option.

But let’s move on from these incongruences for the moment and let’s get to the other utter bullshit: BUCKY BARNES (how handsome was Sebastian Stan in the three seconds that he was on camera by the way?). Now, whether one believes that between Steve and Bucky there’s a romantic interest or just a platonic, brotherly love, it doesn’t really matter. Bucky and Steve’s dynamic has been the focus of the whole Captain America trilogy, and there’s no denying that. Steve, when he tries to distract his double in the 2012 timeline, says “Bucky’s alive”, and honestly that’s the most honest moment dedicated to their relationship, and Bucky wasn’t even there! They drowned us for a whole trilogy with “I’m with you till the end of the line” moments, and the only thing that they leave us with, and the very end, it’s a come back from the first movie with “Don’t do anything stupid until you get back” and the famous reply “How could I? You’re taking all the stupid with you”, and THAT’S IT? Steve goes to live his life and all the best to everyone? Not even a word once he comes back as Old Steve, he’s just there to pass the shield to Sam?  Bucky, the best friend of a lifetime? Bucky for whom Steve fights against the Avengers? Bucky for whom he’s ready to die, Bucky for whom he’d sacrifice himself thousands of times? Bucky for whom he stormed into a Hydra base without proper training and without even knowing if his friend was alive? Bucky for whom he gave up the shield not once, but twice? No way. No fucking way.

This is not about appreciating Bucky and Steve and their dynamic or not, this is about the absurd choice of denying the entire arc of two characters that occupied the space of a whole trilogy. But why?

And come on, Steve’s at least a hundred years old, probably about to die, and they don’t even exchange a few words? I could have handled something like “Hey pal, we made it to the end of the line", I could have lived with that. But not this way. Some part of me tries to think that if anything, at least Steve got to come home from the war. He lived his life. But it’s so terribly wrong, and Steve would never deny himself and his choices, and not because he can’t live without a war, but because he’s always been true to himself. And he would never leave Bucky behind to go back in time and live a life with a woman that -let’s be honest- he knew for two years back in the 40s and with whom he’s already got closure after her death in CA:CW. He moved on. And so did Peggy, to be perfectly honest. Let’s all remind ourselves how utterly destroyed Steve was after Bucky’s ‘death’ and how much he blamed himself: his guilt is literally what moves the two following movies. But the Russos decided to ignore this.

It’s such a horrible thing to do and it’s so unfair that I feel like I want to cry again. And in all of this, Steve didn’t even die, he’s not dead but he doesn’t even get a closure that works for his character. He’s still there, but he’s not really there anymore, is he? And for all those who keep saying how nice is that he got to dance with Peggy, sure it’s nice. But then you really don’t know Steve Rogers at all.

In conclusion, I loved the movie and I’m totally happy with it as a farewell to the MCU as we know it, as a farewell to characters like Tony and Natasha. The only discordant note, sadly, is Steve and his dynamic with Bucky. I don’t know if the Russos did it cause the shipping fandom made them uncomfortable, and honestly, I don’t even want to know. It’s just something that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive Marvel for. And they need to know.

#notmysteve

[frizz22]

Prompt! Zelda/Sabrina mainly. Could you do a one or two shot where Sabrina never gets her powers back and ages like a mortal? So the story is kind of the slow progression of her aging and dying while her family remains the same? Morbid, yes, but I think it could be beautiful. Thank you!

Note: Sorry this one took a while. I had trouble figuring out what snippets I wanted to include and ones that could be cut so that this wasn’t a stupid long one-shot (though is still kind of is). Hope you still enjoy! Read on ao3

~~~ indicates time jumps

Warning: very brief mentions of self-harm

Lilith took Nicholas from Ambrose’s arms and glided through the gates of Hell with ease. It was only when she didn’t turn back, didn’t offer some kind of reward for their efforts and sacrifices that Zelda called after the witch.

“Lilith!” The demoness turned gracefully, the boy’s weight nothing to her now that the full powers of Hell burned through her. Zelda came up behind Sabrina, resting her hands on her girl’s shoulders. “Can you restore Sabrina’s powers? Not the enhanced ones Lucifer bestowed on her, but the ones she was born with?”

A sad smile touched Lilith’s lips. “I can’t.” 

The words were another blow in a long line of blows the Spellman family had received recently. But Zelda refused to let this one go unparried. “Why not?” She demanded, a hard edge in her voice. “You’re the Queen of Hell, surely you can do as you please. Especially to help those who put you on the throne.”

Shaking her head, Lilith looked at them apologetically. “I cannot. Sabrina gave up her powers, and not only gave them up, but also sacrificed the vessel she’d stowed them in.” She looked between Zelda and Hilda, “it would be as if you’d destroyed the tooth containing your and Hilda’s powers during the trial. You cannot create power out of nothing.” Lilith turned her attention back to Sabrina. “You are mortal, dear child. I am so sorry.”

Stepping around Sabrina, Zelda partially entered Hell. “Then transfer my powers to her.” A volley of objections rose up behind her, all of which Zelda ignored, her eyes trained on Lilith. “You said it cannot be created, fine. Merely take mine and give them to Sabrina.”

Brow arching, Lilith assessed her. “You’d die rather rapidly without your powers. Much faster than when you lost your powers for the duration of the trial.”

Zelda shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, what matters is Sabrina would live a long, witching life. Not one of those dreadfully short mortal ones. I’ve lived over two centuries; I don’t need any more.”  

“Auntie—” Sabrina took her hand and squeezed it hard. “I can’t let you do that.”

Smiling softly at her niece, Zelda touched Sabrina’s cheek. “It’s not up to you, sweetheart.”

They both turned back to Lilith who was watching them in astonishment. “A noble suggestion, Zelda, but still an impossible one.”

Rocks and debris rose up and hovered inches off the ground, the papers Sabrina’s mortal friends used to stay the release of Hell swirling around them. “No, it’s not impossible. You merely wish to negate a potential threat.” She spat, walking closer to the demoness. “Sabrina, as much as we may hate it, has some claim to the throne you now sit upon. By denying her her powers you’re solidifying your claim and preventing her from overthrowing you in the future.”

Fire flared behind Lilith at the accusation. She put Nicholas down and strode forward, deflecting Zelda’s spells before taking her face in her hands and muttering a spell. Images flashed through Zelda’s mind at a painful speed. And when Lilith released her, the images stopped, leaving Zelda gasping.  

“I am speaking the truth, Zelda. As you’ve now seen. If I could help, I would. You are right, I should reward those who helped me ascend. And after everything I’ve done to your family, well, I do owe you. I’m sorry it cannot be in the way you want.” Lilith peered over her shoulder to where Nicholas lay, inert, on the ground. “Young Mr. Scratch is also beyond my help, for now, at least. Though I will look for another flesh prison to keep Lucifer in, I don’t foresee something sturdy enough coming along anytime soon. Now for the rest of you—"

Zelda cut her off, voice raw and ragged. “We all want our reward to be extending Sabrina’s mortal life.” She didn’t bother looking back to see the others’ responses, she knew they were nodding.

Tears streamed down Sabrina’s face. “Except mine,” she whispered, eyes locked on Zelda before she turned back to Lilith. “I want mine to be something else. Something I need to word correctly and will pass on to you later.”  

Nodding, Lilith stepped forward and kissed Sabrina’s forehead, a slight golden aura surrounding the girl before fading. “You will now have a long life, Sabrina Spellman. Short by witching standards, but one of incredible length for mortals.” Giving them a close-lipped smile, Lilith picked up Nicholas once more and was gone, the gate slamming shut and leaving them in a dark tunnel.

Numbed and their victory spoiled, the group trudged out of the mines and into the night air. Awkward goodbyes ensued as Sabrina’s mortal friends walked away, glancing over their shoulders as they went.

Prudence remained there, twisting her hands. “I understand if your family wishes to be alone. But my sisters—"

“Of course, you’re coming back with us,” Zelda interrupted her, “can’t very well send you back to the academy by yourself, not when it’s empty.” The young woman sighed in relief, nodded her thanks and teleported away, clearly sensing they needed to be alone.

It was a long walk back to the mortuary, one they made downheartedly, but it provided them time to process everything that happened. She and Hilda bracketed Sabrina as they slowly made their way home, Ambrose slipping his hand into Zelda’s free one and holding on tightly; as if he could sense her entire world was a bit off kilter and her blood pressure spiking dangerously.  

They only released one another when they reached the front porch, the width of the stairs forcing them to break apart to fit. Zelda kept a tight arm around Sabrina, though, refusing to let her girl go just yet.  

Once inside, Zelda sent Ambrose and Sabrina into the kitchen to make tea—and pour out some whiskey—while she and Hilda checked on the rest of the coven currently recuperating throughout the rest of the house.  

When they’d ensured everyone was still stable, the two of them joined Ambrose and Sabrina in the kitchen. Both were sitting silently, staring into the depths of their cups. Swallowing, Zelda took the glass of whiskey they’d set out for her and leaned against the windowsill behind the table, feeling too restless to sit. “Well,” and that was all she could manage, unsure what else to say. So, she took a drink.

Hilda seemed to be at an equal loss, slumped in her usual spot at the table, swirling the liquid in her glass around. “Well, Baxter High will have its star pupil back full-time.” She attempted to sound cheerful, but the tear that escaped down her cheek gave her away.

“For Satan’s sa—” Zelda cut herself off, the phrase leaving her lips out of habit. “Fuck Satan,” she muttered under her breath, taking another drink.

Sabrina finally raised her eyes then, tears brimming on the lids. “Was, was he telling the truth? Am I really his daughter?”

Clearing his throat, Ambrose looked at his cousin. “Lucifer is also known as the Father of Lies. He could have just been saying those things to try and get you to fulfill the prophecy…”

“But, but what if he really—" Sabrina began, chin trembling. This girl so different from the one who’d, hours earlier, confidently claimed she was a Spellman now and always.

Scowling, Zelda slammed her drink down. “You’re our girl. I don’t care what he says, or claims. You’re ours.” The words came out rougher than she’d intended, her voice raw with emotion, but it was the truth. Sabrina would never be anyone else’s.

They had raised her, loved her, protected her. Sabrina was their daughter, no one else’s; not even Edward’s.

The declaration was apparently all that was needed to send Sabrina over the edge, her niece bursting into tears as she shot out of her seat, rounded the table and hugged Zelda hard. “And you’re mine.” She mumbled, tightening her hold and pressing her face into Zelda’s shoulder.

Stumbling back a bit at the impact, Zelda quickly steadied herself and returned the embrace; clutching Sabrina tightly to her as the tears she’d ignored for the past hour dripped down her cheeks.  

After a few moments, Hilda stood and joined the hug, cocooning Sabrina between them. Ambrose gave a good-natured huff and pushed up from the bench and joined as well, his arms encircling both her and Hilda.

“You are ours.” Zelda repeated, this time in a teary whisper. Sabrina sniffled against her and burrowed deeper into Zelda.  

They only broke when Prudence came in to fetch some of the others water. She’d ducked her head apologetically and rushed out of the room. But it was enough to have Hilda and Ambrose retaking their spots at the table; Sabrina, thought, remained in Zelda’s arms, quite to her surprise.

Glancing at the clock, Zelda sighed and rested her cheek on top of Sabrina’s head; it was nearly two in the morning. “How about we all head to bed, deal with the rest of this in the morning?” And it was a testament to how exhausted they all were that no one objected. When Sabrina didn’t move, though, Zelda ran a hand over her back. “Would you like me to tuck you in, darling?” She offered hesitantly. Though Hilda indulged in some of Sabrina’s still childish inclinations, Zelda hadn’t done so in years; the last time she’d tucked Sabrina in had to be when the girl was about nine.

“Yes please, auntie.” Sabrina murmured, finally releasing her and going to clean up her tea and put it in the sink.

Zelda silently followed Hilda into their bedroom, neither of them sure what to say as they changed into their nightgowns. As Zelda moved to go to Sabrina’s room, she let her hand brush against her sister’s shoulder in comfort—knowing no words would suffice for the death sentence that had just been handed down to their niece. Hilda caught her hand and squeezed it hard, a sniffle escaping her, but she kept her eyes averted, releasing Zelda and then hurrying into the bathroom.  

It would be some time until they came to terms with everything. “She’s ours, Hildie.” Zelda called after her sister, her voice stopping Hilda in the doorway. “She is. Ours. No one else’s. No matter who claims it, or what they claim, Sabrina is ours and we will do everything in our power to keep her safe, healthy and alive.”  

Nodding jerkily, Hilda gripped the doorframe tightly. “I know, Zelds. I know.” With one final shaky glance back at her, Hilda disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door.  

Taking a moment to compose herself, Zelda exhaled then made for Sabrina’s room. Her niece was already in bed and patted the spot next to her. Smiling sadly, Zelda climbed into the empty space, Sabrina curling into her side immediately once she’d settled.  

“I feel so empty, Aunt Zelda.” She said quietly, pressing closer. “I know I gave my powers up, it was my choice. But I—" her voice cracked, “I always thought I’d somehow get them back.”

Of course, she had. Because up until now, despite everything Sabrina had gone through, she’d never paid a price for her actions. Not truly. Others around her had. Mildred at the Feast, Jesse Putnam, Tommy and Harvey Kinkle… each of them paying the highest prices possible while Sabrina experienced mere by-blows.

But now, now her girl had finally learned. And it had cost her her life as well. Not in the same sense as Mildred, Jesse and Tommy. But her life, nonetheless. Now wasn’t the time for lectures though, there was no need to rub salt in the wound they all shared. Instead, Zelda cradled Sabrina close.  

“I know how it feels,” she murmured, stroking Sabrina’s hair, “to have your powers taken from you, lost.” Her mind too easily going back to that awful week she and Hilda had their powers and youth stripped for the duration of Sabrina’s trial.  

How it felt as though her very essence had been sapped from her; leaving Zelda drained. She’d been forced to grip the back of one of the kitchen chairs to steady herself as she came to terms with how it felt having the magic that had sung through her for centuries ripped away. The vast, empty cavern stretching inside her had seemed limitless and Zelda then realized that she’d greatly underestimated how defenseless she would feel.

Yes, she knew how Sabrina felt. And, just like her niece, she’d anticipated getting them back. The difference, the difference was that her girl hadn’t and would never have her powers restored. Oh, the sheer arrogance that ran in their family… looking back it took Zelda’s breath away.

“I am so very sorry, sweet girl, that I could not get yours back for you. That I could not save you.” She managed, voice thick and tears sliding down her cheeks despite her best efforts.  

Sabrina’s arms wound around her waist, squeezing hard. “You’ve been saving me a lot these past months, Auntie Zee. I suppose the only thing you couldn’t save me from was myself. I should have listened. To Nick, to Ambrose. They both told me to wait, and I didn’t.” She sniffed and buried her face into Zelda’s neck. “It’s my fault. You can’t clean up after me on this one, auntie, I have to clean up after myself.”

Though her heart was breaking, a small part of Zelda couldn’t help but appreciate how maturely Sabrina was handling this; be impressed by it. This, added to the fact that at least now the Dark Lord had no use for Sabrina even should He escape, heartened her; just a bit. Silver linings.

She’d keep these silver linings to herself though, Sabrina likely wouldn’t appreciate them as she did. Unable to think of anything else to say, Zelda just held her girl and hummed softly, running a hand soothingly up and down Sabrina’s back.  

After some time, Zelda was debating whether to extract herself from her now sleeping niece. Her hand was itching for the whip hidden in the trunk at the foot of her bed. Though Hilda had made her promise not to practice flagellation anymore, this was a failure that could not be overlooked. She needed to be punished. Punished for everything that had happened, for not predicting it, for not protecting Sabrina once she was aware. Deciding that Sabrina wouldn’t miss her if she left for a bit, Zelda shifted to move when Sabrina’s voice stopped her.  

“Don’t go. Please.” And Sabrina’s voice sounded so small, so wounded, that there wasn’t a choice to be made.  

Zelda settled back into the bed once more, knowing she wouldn’t be able to conduct her punishment tonight. Closing her eyes, she forced her failure from her mind and focused on her niece. “I’m right here, sweetheart, always.”  

Nodding against Zelda’s shoulder, Sabrina tightened her arms around Zelda’s waist and cuddled closer before drifting off. Zelda wished sleep would find her so easily.  

~~~~~~

It was stressful. The adjustment period of Sabrina not having powers. For all of Sabrina’s maturity that first night, that thinking was difficult to maintain when there was an emptiness lurking inside her where once power resided. And though Zelda and Hilda could both relate to Sabrina; neither of them could comprehend having to deal with that feeling for the rest of their woefully short lives.  

So, they all did their best to be a bit more patient with Sabrina’s moods than they normally would be. Understanding that she was coming to terms with the loss of her magic, with a part of herself.  

There were screaming matches and sudden outbursts of tears when one of them unthinkingly flicked a wrist to accomplish something small with magic. As time passed though, things began to settle into a routine.  

Though when Sabrina finished the 10th grade and prepared for the 11th, it became apparent they could not continue this routine forever. So, over breakfast one Saturday morning, Zelda brought up the topic of when they would leave Greendale.  

“Leave?!” Sabrina sputtered, her fork slipping from her hand and onto her plate.  

Hilda reached over and gently patted her hand. “Well, yes, love. We can’t stay here forever.”  

Inclining her head, Zelda started to butter her toast. “It really would be most prudent to leave after you graduate from Baxter High. Hilda and I are already getting a few odd looks from the local mortals, we haven’t aged in almost two decades. Not a wrinkle or white hair between us.”  

Hand come up to touch her hair unconsciously, Hilda nodded. “She’s right, dear. If we’re to remain hidden we must leave. Esp—,” she faltered and pressed a finger to the corner of her eye to stem some tears, “especially since you will be aging normally and we…”  

Eyes downcast and poking at her food, Sabrina sighed. “And you won’t be aging at all.” She finished morosely.  

Smiling sympathetically, Zelda placed a hand on Sabrina’s forearm and squeezed. “Our excuse will be that once you leave for college, we see no reason to remain here. We can claim we’re moving somewhere warmer.”  

“We… I can’t just leave Nick.” Sabrina balked, eyes glazing over.  

Zelda sighed and withdrew her hand to finish buttering her toast. “Darling, Nick chose this. He sacrificed himself to save you, to save all of us. He is safe. Lilith is protecting him, and we can research how to free him and entrap Lucifer in another vessel anywhere. But we cannot stay here.”

Lips twisting Sabrina nodded at her plate and excused herself.  

Flapping her hands a bit, Hilda pressed her lips together to prevent her own tears from falling. “It’s not fair.” She murmured, standing to clear the table. “None of it. Couldn’t, couldn’t we stay just a bit longer? Didn’t Lilith ask you to be high priestess?” She asked it innocently enough, but the question set Zelda’s teeth on edge.  

It was true, Lilith had asked her to take up the position; more than once. She’d refused. Of course, she would help get the church and coven back on its feet; especially after the horrific damage Faustus wrought. But she couldn’t be in charge, didn’t want to become so engrossed in the church that she didn’t have time for Sabrina.  

Also, Zelda knew she couldn’t bear to work with the witch who helped orchestrate everything that brought Sabrina to losing her powers; her long life.

Exhaling slowly, Zelda took a deliberate bite of her toast and chewed. “She did.” She answered tersely. “You know full well why I cannot, and will not, take that position.” Zelda abandoned her breakfast and opted to light a cigarette. Eyeing her sister, Zelda rubbed the back of her neck, realizing what her sister was avoiding. “It is not the church you are concerned with. It’s the incubus.”  

The comment made Hilda blush, but she nodded. “I, Zelds, I love him. He loves me and I—” she twisted a dish towel between her hands. “I knew our time would be short, but never imagined it be this short. I don’t want to leave him. Not now, not in a year when Sabrina graduates…”  

“Sister,” Zelda murmured, standing up and rounding the table to touch Hilda’s shoulder. “Staying here is not an option for us any longer. Even,” she sighed, “even for lo—, for love.” She managed to get the word out without too much of a grimace. And though she knew she’d come to regret it; Zelda squeezed her eyes shut and took a bolstering hit of nicotine before making her offer. “You could ask the hybrid to come with us.” When Hilda’s head snapped towards her, Zelda waved a hand as though it were nothing. “Just a thought.” She muttered, briskly leaving the room before her sister could say anything.  

They needed to find happiness where they could, while they could; Sabrina’s predicament hammered that home in a way Zelda never anticipated learning as a witch. And if the incubus made her sister happy, well, Zelda wasn’t going to be the one to deny Hilda the small piece of joy she’d managed to hold onto throughout this entire ordeal.  

Rolling her neck and taking another long draw of her cigarette, Zelda headed to the library to start researching ways to prolong Sabrina’s life. Yes, Lilith had promised to extend it as long as possible as their reward for bringing down Lucifer, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t research additional ways to further extend her girl’s life.  

~~~~~~~

She blinked.  

That was all Zelda did. She could have sworn all she did was blink. How was it that Sabrina was graduating from Baxter High in a few months’ time? Though how she didn’t notice before with all the brochures and pamphlets arriving at the house Zelda wasn’t sure.  

Perhaps she was still adjusting. For so long, years bled into one another without another thought, when witches had so many to live such a short period of time felt like nothing at all. And, truthfully, that was still Zelda’s reality, it just wasn’t Sabrina’s anymore.

All of this swirled through her mind as she and Sabrina were sitting at the kitchen table one Saturday—Hilda at the bookstore and Ambrose at the academy—and Sabrina pushed aside yet more college brochures that had come in the mail.

Lowering her paper, but keeping her eyes on the text, Zelda arched a brow. “Not going to college, are we?” She drawled, trying not to sound too interested.

Sabrina picked at the muffin in front of her. “Would it be so bad if I didn’t?”

The comment surprised Zelda and had her folding her paper and setting it aside. “I understand if you don’t wish to attend any of the institutions near Greendale, I’ve had enough of this dreary place myself. You can attend anywhere you like; cost is no issue. We’re witches, we’ve built up money over the centuries.”

“No, I know.” Sabrina murmured, still not meeting Zelda’s eyes.

When her niece did not elaborate, Zelda probed further. “Your Aunt Hilda and I would move with you to wherever you wish to attend, Sabrina. Unless,” a horrendously painful idea came to mind, “unless that’s the issue.” She managed to finish with a clear voice, though her heart was contorting itself painfully. “Perhaps you wish to have a normal mortal college experience? One free of old aunts trailing after you?”  

The very thought broke her heart, the thought that Sabrina wouldn’t want to be near them. That just because their time together had been cut short didn’t mean she wanted to spend as much of it as possible with her aunts.

Hand covering hers, Sabrina interrupted her spiraling thoughts. “That’s not it at all!” She exclaimed, squeezing Zelda’s hand tightly. “I, I want to be with you guys as much as possible. And I know that even if my life is going to be shorter that I need to decide what I want to do with my future… and,” she chewed her lower lip. “I came up with an idea.”

Carefully keeping her face blank, Zelda lifted a brow. “Oh?” She remarked, not trusting herself to say more. Sabrina’s ideas weren’t often good ones, no matter how noble the situation that inspired them, no matter how well-intentioned her niece was… Sabrina had a track record, and not a good one.  S

abrina’s voice recaptured Zelda’s attention. “I, I was thinking that I could be a midwife. Like you.” She looked at Zelda earnestly and tears sprang to her eyes. “Could, would you mentor me, Auntie Zee?”

“Oh darling,” Zelda smiled widely and flipped her hand over to grasp Sabrina’s. “Of course! I’d love nothing more; I’ve had quite enough of this death business if you ask me. But I don’t want you limiting your options because of us. You, you can go off if you’d like.” Zelda managed, swallowing past the lump in her throat. Though it was hard to think of being separated from her girl, given how short their time together would truly be—already Sabrina was aging, maturing into a lovely young woman—she wasn’t going to let Sabrina squander what little time she had by forcing her to remain with them.

“I know. But if I do that, it’ll be like I’m cutting my ties to the witching world for good. And I don’t want that. And I want to be a midwife. It’s a very noble calling and I want to follow in your and Aunt Hilda’s footsteps.”

Pressing a finger to the corner of her eye to stem impending tears, Zelda lifted Sabrina’s hand and kissed the back of it. “Then welcome aboard to the Spellman midwifery practice. Now, we just need to decide where to move and open our new business.”

A smile the likes of which Zelda hadn’t seen in ages lit upon Sabrina’s face and she shot up from the table raced away and came back with a notebook. “I’ve been thinking about that.” She started, opening the book and scooting her chair closer so Zelda could see.  

They narrowed down their choices to three cities, figuring Hilda and Ambrose should have a say in the matter as well. Still grinning, Sabrina flipped forward in her notebook, the pages covered in handwriting evidencing to Zelda that Sabrina had been considering this for some time.  

Sabrina’s enthusiasm for the topic was reassuring, she’d been depressed for so long after the defeat of Lucifer and the loss of Nick and her powers that Zelda hadn’t been sure what to do. But this, all of this planning for the future, these smiles… it heartened Zelda more than she could express.  

“And I don’t need powers to mix most potions or balms, don’t need powers to analyze results.” Sabrina stated, emphasizing her points with hand gestures. “I’ve been doing research and most of them only involve mixing ingredients and the ones that do need a bit of magic, well, you, Aunt Hilda or Ambrose could do that part. Besides, I’ve been thinking about certain mortal techniques we could incorporate to bring in more clients.” She bit her lip and looked at Zelda; anxious for the first time since they’d started their conversation.  

Reaching over to cup Sabrina’s cheek, Zelda beamed. “That sounds marvelous.” She winked and Sabrina’s smile returned once more and Zelda wanted to keep that expression on her niece’s face; especially when it’d been missing for so long. “If that is the case, though, you’ll need to attend some kind of mortal midwife schooling. Hilda and I will be of no use to you there, you’d have to be the one to teach us.”  

Nose wrinkling a bit with joy at the thought of teaching her several centuries old aunts something, Sabrina nodded and started to flip through her notebook once more.  

They moved their conversation to the parlor, where they could lounge on the couches, Zelda’s heels forgotten on the floor, and discuss recruitment strategies for clients, how they’d advertise as a naturalistic midwifery practice so mortal patients weren’t suspicious of their methods, and courses Sabrina could take.

~~~~~~~~

Before they knew it, Sabrina was graduating. Hilda cried of course, blubbered really, and Zelda had rolled her eyes but clapped louder than anyone else as her girl crossed the stage.  

They’d decided to wait out the summer. It would make the most sense, mortal college was on the same schedule as the rest of the schooling system and wouldn’t start until Fall. This made it more believable that Sabrina was going off to college somewhere and not just packing up with her whole family and moving to another state.  

And, well, it gave Sabrina time to say goodbye. Her mortal friends knew what had happened, certainly, knew of Sabrina’s plans. No, the charade wasn’t for them. It was for the rest of Greendale. It’d already been odd enough that Mary Wardwell had disappeared without a trace, her cottage deserted and fiancé missing as well; Lilith could have done a better job with the loose ends on that, but Zelda digressed.  

So, they were waiting so Sabrina could say goodbye to the place that had been her home her entire life. As they neared their departure date, Zelda realized she was more than ready to put Greendale behind her. While it held a multitude of happy memories, it also held numerous painful ones and a couple of decades away would help rinse the place of its history—to an extent.  

The only one who seemed nervous about their move was Prudence. The young woman had become a regular fixture in the Spellman house over the past few years; constantly asking Zelda for advice in her efforts to restore the church to its previous glory.  

While Lilith had asked Zelda to be her high priest on a regular basis in the beginning, each time adding some kind of enticement to the offer. But she had turned down the Queen on enough occasions that the witch stopped asking. Instead, Zelda suggested Prudence be the one to lead the church into its new era—she had been the one to save the coven, after all.  

Despite the fact that Prudence was perfectly competent, and Zelda was unsure what else she could teach the girl after working together for a few years, Prudence was still reluctant to see Zelda go.

“Are you sure—” Prudence began, wringing her hands as she watched Ambrose load most of their belongings into the car; they’d be leaving the contents for the office and the morgue, one never knew when one might need either of those and Zelda wanted Prudence to have whatever she needed at her disposal.  

Taking the young woman by the shoulders, Zelda steered her out of earshot from the others. “You are a direct descendent of the previous high priest, this is your birth right. You, Prudence Blackwood, will redeem the Blackwood name, will lift it once more into glory all the while leading the coven and the Church of Lilith into the future. I would not have suggested Lilith ask you if I didn’t think you up to the task. And Lilith certainly wouldn’t have followed my advice had she not thought it sound.” Gently bringing her hands up to cup Prudence’s face, Zelda smiled widely at her. “You will do marvelous things. I look forward to hearing all about it. Not only from you but also the grapevine. Contact me on the witching board or via mirrors if you need anything, though I have a feeling you won’t need to.” Zelda leaned in and kissed Prudence’s her forehead.  

A trembling smile spread on Prudence’s face and she lurched forward to hug Zelda hard. “Thank you for everything, Zelda.” She breathed, tightening her hold. “You are the mother I always wanted. Please keep in touch.”  

Stunned, but deeply touched, Zelda embraced the young woman back before pulling back. “Oh, my dear girl, of course I will. Take care. Stay safe. Don’t overwork yourself. Rely on your sisters. They are everything.” Her eyes glanced over to where Hilda was casting a few more shrinking spells to fit their belongings into the car and smiled.  

Nodding, Prudence cleared her throat and broke all contact between them. “Goodbye, Zelda. I hope you return in the future.” With a small smile, Prudence winked out of sight.  

Sabrina came up then and touched her arm, “ready, Auntie Zee?” Her eyes were a little red, her mortal friends having just said their final goodbye as well—each of them going their own way for college.  

Lips quirking up into a reassuring smile, Zelda wrapped an arm around Sabrina’s shoulders and led her to the car. “Absolutely, darling. I am most certainly ready to live somewhere sunny and warm.”  

~~~~~~

They moved somewhere sunny, so tired of the dreary Greendale weather. Cerberus joined them, to Zelda’s slight chagrin, but she’d offered, and he made Hilda happy… and by giving him the same potions and tinctures they made for Sabrina he would live longer as well.  

Ambrose was with them too. Though he was free to travel as he wanted, he didn’t go anywhere; claiming who else would help keep Sabrina young in spirit but him? Despite his flippant and teasing manner, they all knew he stayed because he wanted to be around Sabrina as much as possible while she was alive. There’d be time later, to travel and fun. But his cousin won’t be around for it as he’d once thought; so, he stayed.  

It didn’t take long to set up their midwifery business, Sabrina having completed the mortal schooling within a few years thanks to an accelerated program she’d found. And, to Zelda’s slight surprise, business was booming.  

Mortals and witches alike came to their practice, some came for the full services, others for their magical ‘natural remedies’ that all but cured morning sickness, reduced bloating and swollen ankles and sped up labor. Regardless of why they came, they came.  

While they were doing very well, one day Sabrina brought home a machine that would help them remain competitive.  

“An ultrasound?” Zelda repeated dubiously, eyeing the machine as she laid back on one of the exam chairs so Sabrina could show her how to use it. “We’ve made do without this contraption for ages, Sabrina, I don’t really see how it will improve our outcomes.”

Huffing in amusement, Sabrina shook her head. “It probably won’t change the birth outcomes, but,” she squeezed a copious amount of gel onto Zelda’s stomach, making her squeal uncharacteristically. “Parents will love being able to see their baby.” When Zelda shot a glare at her for the cold gel, Sabrina grinned. “I tried to warn you it’d be cold; you were too busy complaining that we didn’t need the machine.” She teased, poorly smothering a laugh at Zelda’s expense.  

Clearing her throat, Zelda composed herself. “Yes, well, it seems cold was an understatement. Was it necessary?”  

A small frown of concentration tugged at Sabrina’s mouth as she moved the device along Zelda’s abdomen. “Was what necessary?”  

“The cold? Does it make the machine work better?” She clarified, watching the screen in astonishment.  

Eyebrows raising as though she’d never considered it, Sabrina shook her head. “No, I think that’s just how the gel is stored.”  

Zelda harrumphed and twitched her fingers to warm the gel on her stomach. Her niece didn’t miss the action and smirked. “What? We can make it a little thing of our own. Warm gel. I’m sure we’ll get good reviews on the website Ambrose set up for us.” Before Sabrina could tease her further, Zelda reached for a towel and wiped her stomach off before standing to switch spots with her niece.  

She squirted the gel onto Sabrina’s stomach and the girl squealed. “Auntie Zee! I thought you warmed it up!” She exclaimed, giving Zelda and accusatory glare.  

“Just being fair.” Zelda intoned, eyes glittering mischievously even though they didn’t leave the screen as she maneuvered the device along Sabrina’s stomach. As the images rolled on the screen, Zelda cocked her head and then muttered a small spell to enhance the clarity.

Sabrina exhaled sharply in awe. “Auntie, that’s brilliant,” she grinned grabbing a fresh towel as Zelda pulled back. “That kind of clarity will definitely get us some good reviews! Women will be clamoring to come here just for clear pictures of their growing babies.”  

Inclining her head in acknowledgment, Zelda put the device away and attempted to broach the topic she’d been trying to discuss for some time now. “Not just the pregnant women, but their partners too.” She remarked, not quite managing to sound as casual as she’d have liked.  

Not missing her tone, Sabrina sighed. “Aunt Zelda, I told you—"  

Clasping Sabrina’s hands between her own, Zelda cut her niece off gently. “I know, sweetheart, it’s just, it’s been almost 7 years since Nicholas and where I normally wouldn’t badger because once you could have waited centuries to decide if you wanted marriage or children that’s no longer the case. And I don’t want you to have to spend your life alone with only your old spinster aunts. You’re allowed to have a life Sabrina, with a partner and love and children… if you want them.”  

A sad smile curled Sabrina’s lips as she stood and hugged Zelda hard. “Thank you, Auntie Zee. But my heart is still a bit broken. I don’t think it was fully healed after Harvey. Nick was helping it heal faster than I ever thought possible and then, then my heart shattered when he, he….” She sniffed and pressed her face into Zelda’s shoulder, the memory still painful. “I’m still picking up the pieces.” Sabrina finished.  

“Oh darling,” Zelda breathed, rocking her girl gently.  

“Anyway, Sabrina cleared her throat and pulled back, wiping her eyes. “I have no idea how to explain my world; for whatever partner I take would be mortal—what witch or warlock wants to strap themselves to a disgraced, now powerless witch? And how do I explain I was a witch but not anymore? Or do I lie about it all and ask you, Aunt Hilda and Ambrose to hide your true selves? Neither one seems fair or feasible right now…. I want to figure that out before I even consider dating again.”  

It wasn’t fair. That Sabrina should have to worry about this. Should have to choose once more between the sides of her duality when she didn’t even possess one of the sides anymore.  

But Zelda let the matter drop. If her heart was aching for Sabrina, for the life she would suddenly have to plan out in a few years and not a few centuries… well, she could only imagine the hurt her girl was experiencing.  

She gently kissed Sabrina’s forehead and turned back to the ultrasound machine. “This was a brilliant idea, darling, witches and mortals alike will love it. You have a shrewd eye for expanding our business.”  

Glad for the change in subject, Sabrina shook her head and smiled. “Just adding to the empire you and aunt Hilda already built.” Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, Zelda turned back to the machine and asked how to print pictures of the babes they viewed.  

~~~

They moved again when Sabrina turned thirty; once again her, Hilda and Ambrose’s decelerated aging gave them away. They could only claim good genes and secret nighttime skin routines for so long. Sabrina was noticeably older, now a lovely adult, while the rest of them had barely aged a day; she and Hilda had only gained a grey hair or two in the years since they moved and Ambrose changed not at all.  

Having grown rather accustomed to the sun, though, they didn’t move too far. It was after they’d settled into their new home, already advertising for the Spellman Midwifery Practice, that Sabrina found her playing with spells.  

Zelda had been sitting in front of her vanity, tweaking her spell a bit here and there until she was satisfied. Once done, she’d leaned back to get the full effect of her work. It was then Sabrina walked in; surprising her.  

“Auntie Zee, what—,” Zelda saw her niece freeze in the mirror in shock and then horror transformed her features. “What are you doing?! Are you okay,” Sabrina rushed forward knelt in front of Zelda, taking her hands. “Are you hurt? Who did this? Who took your powers? You didn’t figure out how to transfer them, did you? Because I’ve told you so many times—"  

A small chuckle emanated from Zelda and she brushed Sabrina’s hair back, tucking it behind her ear. “Nothing happened, darling. I’m just playing with glamor spells.”  

Brow wrinkling in confusion, Sabrina sat back on her heels. “Why?”  

Trying to give a nonchalant shrug, Zelda turned back to the mirror and inspected her handiwork, there was grey intermixed with her red locks now, a few choice wrinkles that aged her but didn’t make her a hag. “I thought since we were moving, I might try something new.”  

“Why?” Sabrina drew out the word, standing to rest her hip against the vanity, arms crossed, to look at Zelda.  

Sighing, and knowing her niece would not let it go, Zelda shifted to face her once more. “So that I may still be your aunt.”  

Taken aback, Sabrina blinked. “What are you talking about? Auntie, you’ve always been and always will—"

Shoving off her stool, Zelda shook her head. “I won’t look it soon enough. Not unless we claim Edward had you when he wasn’t much more than a boy himself. We’ll have to claim to just be bus—,” the words stuck in her throat, “business partners.” She spat out, spinning to face Sabrina once more, not caring if the girl saw the tears in her eyes. “I can’t stand that. I won’t. You’re my girl, and I won’t be claiming you as anything other than family. So this,” she gestured to the glamor she still had in place, “was my solution.”  

Chin trembling and eyes wet, Sabrina closed the distance between them and hugged Zelda hard. “Oh Auntie, and you’re mine. But I won’t have you exhausting yourself with glamours.” She pulled back and framed Zelda’s prematurely aged face in her hands. “You know better than anyone how difficult and draining it is to maintain glamours for extended periods, even one as simple as this,” she touched some of the grey in Zelda’s hair. “We’ll come up with something better than business partners. I promise.”  

Exhaling slowly, Zelda nodded and dropped the spell before hugging Sabrina again.  

“How about some hot apple cider? Aunt Hilda just finished making some.” Sabrina offered when they broke apart. “We could spike it.” She grinned wickedly, wiggling her eyebrows.  

Zelda laughed and smiled tremulously at her niece, wondering how she’d gotten so lucky. “That sounds perfect.” Zelda slipped her arm around Sabrina’s shoulders and her girl wrapped one around her waist as they made their way down the stairs and to the kitchen.  

~~~

It wasn’t just all work, though. They took turns traveling, each of them taking Sabrina to their favorite country; wanting her to see as much of the world as she could before it was too late.

They’d offered years to just run off years ago; when Sabrina first lost her powers. Why bother with work or school when life was so short? They could travel, explore, eat and drink their way across the world until Sabrina was no longer able. Money was no issue, interest a beautiful thing when you had the same accounts for centuries.  

Sabrina had declined. While she wanted to see the world, she didn’t want to give up on a normal life altogether.  

Not wanting to argue with how their niece wanted to live out the remainder of her short life, neither Zelda nor Hilda argued. So, they just traveled occasionally; Ambrose taking her to Italy, Hilda England. Zelda took Sabrina to France for two months; the two of them drinking, sightseeing and exploring all the places Zelda used to frequent when she was younger.  

They hit the main attractions, of course, Sabrina wouldn’t have let them miss the Eiffel Tower for anything. When they reached the top, Sabrina gripped Zelda’s hand and pulled her to the railing; gasping at the view.  

“Auntie,” she breathed softly, as had become her habit of late.  

They’d gotten a few odd looks recently when Sabrina called her or Hilda by their titles. The adjustment had been painful for all of them, she and Hilda both forcing back tears whenever Sabrina called them by their first names in the beginning. But, just as Sabrina had promised that day she’d caught Zelda playing with glamours, she’d come up with another solution for their relationship.  

”I could be your sister too,” she suggested tentatively one night after they experienced yet another mortal side-eyeing them at the Sabrina’s use of ‘aunt’. “Sisters, they’re, they’re closer in blood than aunt and niece.” Sabrina twisted her fingers anxiously, waiting for them to respond. When all Zelda and Hilda could do was burst into tears, Sabrina hurriedly backtracked. “I’m, I’m sorry. I, I know you lost your other siblings, I wasn’t trying to replace—, I can be a cousin, or, or—

Zelda had tugged her niece into a tight embrace, cutting her off. “We’d be honored to have you as our sister, sweetheart. Even if only in pretend.”  It hurt.  

Hurt to pretend they hadn’t raised Sabrina, hadn’t cradled her at night when she was colicky, hadn’t tended to every scrape and bruise, soothed every nightmare, hadn’t attended every school play or taught her Latin and spell work. It hurt.

Sabrina’s arm looping through hers as they leaned against the railing, her head coming to rest against Zelda’s shoulder pulled her from the painful memory. “Thank you, Auntie Zee,” she murmured, a wide smile spreading on her face. “This is incredible. I can see why France is your favorite.”  

Needing to lighten the mood further, Zelda tipped her head so it rested on Sabrina’s. “Does this mean our trip is your favorite?” She intoned, a smile playing about her lips.  

A laugh escaped Sabrina. “I’m not saying that!” She exclaimed, though she leaned more heavily against Zelda’s side. “I’d never hear the end of it from Ambrose or Aunt Hilda if I picked a favorite, especially if it wasn’t theirs.”  

Huffing in amusement, Zelda grinned fully. “That’s code for it’s your favorite trip.” She teased, and before Sabrina could argue that Zelda was putting words in her mouth, she started to point out various landmarks to Sabrina, a story going with each one.  

~~~

They were sitting in the basement mixing potions for patients when Sabrina let out a squeak.  

Looking up from the ingredients in her hands, Zelda saw her niece fixated on separating one of her hairs from the others. When she managed the feat, Sabrina huffed and plucked the hair out, examining it closely.  

“Darling?” Zelda murmured, pushing her glasses up into her hair.  

Sabrina deposited the offending strand onto the floor. “A grey hair…” she murmured, emotions flickering across her face too quickly for Zelda to identify them. Swallowing, Sabrina sniffed. “I suppose it was only a matter of time. Should have had them a while ago, I am 67, though thanks to you and Aunt Hilda I don’t look or feel it.” She attempted a smile, but it faltered, and Sabrina dropped her eyes and tried to look busy with her work.  

Easily sensing that Sabrina didn’t want to discuss the matter, and unable to compartmentalize for once, Zelda excused herself and hurried to her room. She was barely able to lock the door and cast a silencing charm on the room before the tears came in great ugly, gulping sobs.  

A grey hair? If those were appearing wrinkles wouldn’t be too far behind. And those, those meant… more sobs wracked Zelda’s body. Signs of aging were things that shouldn’t have appeared for centuries. Even now she and Hilda were only just beginning to get a few grey hairs of their own.  

Despite all their efforts, despite the potions and charms and spells and the deal with the literal Queen of Hell, Sabrina was still aging much faster than she would have with her powers.  

She was aging and that meant they would lose her in matter of decades.  

Curling into herself, Zelda allowed grief wash over her anew as fresh proof that Sabrina was mortal was hammered home.  

Hilda found her there about 15 minutes later, having ignored both the silencing spell and the lock. When she saw what state Zelda was in she tutted and hurried over to the bed. “Oh Zelds, what is it?” She asked, smoothing Zelda’s hair back and rubbing her back.  

Hiccupping, Zelda shook her head. She didn’t want to share, didn’t want to break the bad news to her sister. But Hilda was having none of her silence and manhandled Zelda into a sitting position. Conjuring some tissues, Hilda pressed them into Zelda’s hand and then crossed her arms expectantly.  

She took a moment to gather herself, hating that someone was witnessing her breakdown… at least it was only Hilda. When she was ready, she kept her eyes in her lap, shredding the tissue in her hands. “Sabrina had a grey hair.” She whispered, as if saying it louder would bring about Sabrina’s death faster.  

At the explanation, Hilda slumped onto the bed, her mouth moving but no sound coming out. Eventually she cleared her throat and managed a, “are you sure?” The words were horrendously pain laden and Zelda could sympathize with Hilda.  

Sniffing, Zelda nodded. “Sabrina found it herself.” She informed her sister, reaching over and clutching Hilda’s hand tightly.  

A soft, “oh,” was Hilda’s only response. She turned her head and pressed an extra tissue against her eye, trying to forestall the tears threatening to fall.  

Humming quietly in acknowledgment, Zelda shifted so she could wrap her arms around Hilda. Once settled, the two of them remained there for some time, once more trying to come to terms with the fact that Sabrina wouldn’t be with them much longer.  

~~~~

Zelda handed the potion over to Sabrina; it was her latest experiment. They’d noticed in past several years that their potions and charms worked less efficiently with each use.  

Panicked, Zelda had been working tirelessly to fix this problem ever since. So far, though, she’d been unsuccessful. When Sabrina didn’t complain about the taste or the thickness of the liquid like she usually did, Zelda looked up. Sabrina wasn’t taking the potion.  

Instead, her niece carefully set it aside. “Auntie Zee,” she started, shaking her head.  

Fear seized Zelda then, because from Sabrina’s tone, from her actions, it seemed as though she were giving up. And she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t. “Drink up.” Zelda instructed, picking the potion back up and setting it firmly in front of Sabrina, brow arched expectantly.  

Years ago, that look would have sent Sabrina running to complete whatever task Zelda had set for her. Now though, now Sabrina just smiled at her and shook her head again. “No, Aunt Zelda, it’s ove—“

Slamming her hands on the table so hard she almost spilled the potion, Zelda cut Sabrina off. “No.” She ground out, pain, grief and anger swirling inside her. “It’s not. Not for a few more decades. We’ve had a bit of bad luck, that’s all. Your Aunt Hilda and I are both working on new ways to further extend—"

Sabrina sighed and stood slowly, her aging body not allowing her to storm out dramatically as she once might have done in her youth when the two of them fought. “I think it’s time for a family meeting.” Was all Sabrina said before she picked up her cane and made her way out of their greenhouse and into the kitchen; calling for Hilda and Ambrose as she went.  

Breath coming in short, inefficient bursts, Zelda snatched up the potion and followed Sabrina into the kitchen where the rest of her family was already sitting at the table. She moved to join them, stubbornly placing the potion in front of Sabrina once more as she took her seat.  

Eyeing the potion, and Sabrina’s silent refusal to drink it, Hilda cocked her head. “What is it, love?” And despite her calm demeanor, Zelda noticed how Hilda tugged at the cuffs of her cardigan anxiously. Her sister clearly sensed something was wrong but held her tongue so Sabrina could get to it in her own time; she’d been the one to call the meeting, after all.  

“I want to move back to Greendale.” Sabrina informed them baldly, not hesitating to jump right in. “It’s time, I want to die where I grew up and I want to be buried next to my parents’ graves. I—"

“You are not dying!” Zelda interrupted hoarsely, her heart pounding so hard she could hear it in her head. “Now stop this nonsense and drink your potion.” She ordered, volume raising.  

Sabrina looked at her sympathetically. “Auntie—" she began, eyes locked with Zelda’s; and when had her niece’s eyes gotten that wise look in them? When had her eyes gotten so old? As though they held the weight of worlds in them.  

Jaw working side to side in an effort to hold back her tears, the attempt giving her a horrendous headache, Zelda shook her head. “No.” She repeated firmly, though her chin quivered a bit even as she tipped it up in defiance. Sabrina wasn’t anywhere close to death; she simply couldn’t be, and Zelda refused to let her niece believe she was.  

An exasperated huff escaped Sabrina, though an amused smile tugged her lips. “I’m almost 120 years old, Aunt Zelda, I think I’m old enough to be making my own decisions.”  

She wanted to push back from the table and pace the room, but the edges of her vision were darkening, forcing her to remain at the table. “Old enough?” Zelda scoffed and reached for a cigarette. “You’re still a child, 120 is—"

“Ancient, by mortal standards.” Sabrina finished before Zelda could. “And that’s what I am. Mortal.” The reminder was a knife to Zelda’s heart, while she’d been forced to get used to Sabrina’s changing appearance, she still couldn’t stomach the reminder of Sabrina’s mortality. It hurt too much. Sabrina’s voice recaptured her attention. “I may only look 80 because your and Aunt Hilda’s work, but for the past year I’ve felt every second of my stolen time. And that’s what it was Aunt Zee, stolen time. I’d steal it all again just to spend more time with you all, but it’s done now. Mortals aren’t meant to live so long and I—" Z

elda took a fortifying drag of her cigarette, but the nicotine only made her lightheaded. Blinking rapidly, Zelda stubbed the thing out with unnecessary aggression. “You are not any mere mortal, Sabrina. You are a witch and we are witches and we will do whatever’s necessary to—"

“You’d put down an old dog out of mercy! You wouldn’t keep forcing potions down its throat.” Sabrina shouted, some of the spark that Zelda hadn’t seen since Sabrina was a teenager returning. “There is nothing more you can do,” she added softly, gripping Zelda’s hands where they rested in the table as tightly as she could. “You’ve already done so much for me. So much I can never thank you enough for, can never repay you for.” She reached for Hilda’s hand as well, so she could hold them both. “All of you have.” Sabrina let her eyes sweep over the three of them lovingly. “I know this is hard, and it’s not fair. But I did it to myself all those years ago and now it’s time for me to pay my price. I’ve learned my lesson, made peace with it; I hope you can too. Because my time is coming soon, and I’d like to be home in Greendale when it happens, and I want you all with me. Please, please don’t fight me on this.” Her voice trembled a bit, but Sabrina met their gazes levelly.  

Loosing a shuddering breath, Hilda nodded. “Of course, love, we, we can do that for you.” Ambrose murmured his assent gruffly, as though he were trying to disguise the tears in his voice.  

How could they?  

How could they give up like this? They’d never given up on anything before. They’d performed an exorcism on a mortal, they’d stopped the Feast of Feasts, held back the Greendale Thirteen and the Red Angel of Death, Heaven, they’d taken on Lucifer himself. Twice. Defeated the bastard and put the current Queen on the throne.  

How could they face, and conquer, all of that and see this and believe they could not beat it as well?  

They all turned to her, waiting, but Zelda couldn’t. She couldn’t accept this, wouldn’t.  

And though the world was spinning and she couldn’t breathe, vision narrowing to pinpoints, Zelda shoved away from her family and shakily stood.  Before she could muster up another argument, before she could even take a step, her surroundings tipped, and Zelda’s vision went black.  

~~~

“Blood pressure…”  

“My fault…”

“Should have expected—“

The voices around her ebbed. She couldn’t hold onto any one before her attention slipped away. Slowly, though, Zelda managed to open her eyes and sharpen her focus. “What?” She asked roughly, her mouth dry as she forced herself up into a sitting position.  

Hilda and Ambrose fluttered around her; Ambrose pressing a potion into her hand to drink while Hilda grasped her wrist and started to check her heart rate. Sabrina, Sabrina hung back, leaning against Zelda’s vanity, clutching her cane in both hands and looking apologetic.  

It was only when the other two finished checking her that Sabrina came forward and sat on the bed by Zelda’s hip. “If I’d known you were going to pass out, I’d have made my announcement in the living room, given you a softer floor to land on.” She tried to joke, but her small smile fell away at Zelda’s expression. Sobering, Sabrina exhaled slowly. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, Aunt Zelda, but this isn’t something you can protect me from. Not anymore.”

Chest heaving with emotion, Zelda looked past her niece to where Hilda and Ambrose stood. Their solemn faces told Zelda that Sabrina was right. That it would be unfair to force her to continue to age solely for their benefit. Breath hitching, Zelda wrapped Sabrina in her arms and sobbed, Hilda and Ambrose joining the embrace moments later.  

Their little family unit rocking back and forth as they came to terms with what would be an inevitable loss.  

~~~

So, they prepared to move back to Greendale. Though all the mortals who had known them would be dead, they sat down at the kitchen table to come up with a new backstory just in case.  

While they could have tried to continue to claim Sabrina was their sister, it was becoming increasingly difficult to explain the apparent age difference between them.  

Giving them a wavering smile, Sabrina cleared her throat. “I could be your elderly mother,” she looked between them. “You know, to return the favor for all the years you mothered me. And it’d be kind of poetic, don’t you think? A full circle, you becoming my mothers so unexpectedly and now I become yours.” Tears slipped down her wrinkled cheeks and Zelda rounded the table to hug her, tears of her own forming.  

“Oh, sweetheart,” she murmured, throat tightening at how Sabrina’s hands shook slightly when they fisted Zelda’s dress. Their girl was losing strength, losing agility, health… and there was nothing they could do about it. Banishing the thought, Zelda clung to Sabrina harder. “That’s such a lovely idea, don’t you think Hildie?”  

Her sister nodded earnestly and then nudged Zelda aside so she could embrace Sabrina as well.  

~~~~

Bereft.  

That was all she felt as the coffin was lowered into the ground. Even with the absurd amount of the heart break balm she was using to numb herself, it hadn’t been enough to even diminish the pain.  

Her girl was gone. And nothing would ever fill the void Sabrina had left.  

The service had been nice. Prudence allowed Sabrina the funeral rites offered by the Church of Night even though her niece had been mortal far longer than she’d been a witch. But Zelda had been grateful to have it in the church and not the mortuary, she couldn’t bear for Sabrina’s lifeless body to be in the house any longer than it needed to be.  

As Prudence led the event, as was her place as high priestess, Zelda couldn’t help but notice that the young woman had barely aged in the past century. That should have been Sabrina, she thought; young and pursuing her dreams. The thought echoed every time in her eyes swept over an old classmate of Sabrina’s; Agatha, Dorcas, Melvin, Elspeth and a number of other students Zelda didn’t bother to put a name to.

When Lilith appeared at the end, to pay her respects she said, it’d taken half the coven to hold Zelda back. The church itself shook with her anguish and fury.  

How dare she.

How dare that woman come to Sabrina’s funeral when she was the one who’d all but put her girl into the ground. Zelda spewed hate at the witch, struggling against the hands and spells restraining her.  

To her credit, Lilith bowed her head respectfully and made to leave. She paused by the door, though, pivoting slightly to look at her. “I did love her too, you know, in my own way. Not, not in the way I should have, or that she deserved, but I did lov—"

Zelda roared and the people holding her flew back. Before she could cast another spell though, Lilith disappeared.  

The rest of the funeral had been… uneventful. After they buried Sabrina, the others had drifted away slowly, making their way inside where likely countless, tasteless casseroles awaited them. Ambrose and Hilda were the last to leave. Her nephew eventually wrapping and arm around a sobbing Hilda and supporting her back into the house. When he looked back, likely to offer to come back and usher her inside as well, Zelda shook her head. She needed more time.  

They’d buried her next to the empty plots of her parents. Another Spellman gone too soon, wrenched from Zelda before she was ready.  

Her mind flashed back to that morning, so many years ago, when Sabrina asked when the pain of losing Harvey would end. How she was supposed to cope with it and Zelda had given her the only advice she could think of:  

“And tomorrow, you’ll do the same and it’ll hurt a tiny bit less. And the next day it will hurt even less.”

She repeated this to herself now, over and over. Because this pain, this searing, blinding and incapacitating pain could not last. It could not sustain itself. Surely, it couldn’t.  

She wouldn’t survive if it did.  

Collapsing to her knees, one of Zelda’s hand gripped Sabrina’s headstone so tightly her fingernails cracked against the marble as she sobbed, her other arm curling around her middle as she trembled.  

Lilith appeared before her once more, hands held up in surrender. “I’m here on behalf of Sabrina.” She murmured, eyeing Zelda warily as she took a few steps closer. “Her reward, you remember, for helping me onto the throne was different than the extension of her life. She wanted me to give it to you once she’d passed.”  

Though Zelda wanted to rip the witch to shreds, she held back. If Lilith truly had something from Sabrina, she couldn’t risk angering the witch and her withholding whatever it was out of punishment.  

Roughly wiping her eyes, Zelda stood shakily, but tall, the mask she’d crafted centuries ago falling into place. It was difficult to maintain, but while she wouldn’t anger Lilith, she refused to grovel for this final piece of Sabrina.  

A tired sigh emanated from Lilith as she pulled a disk from thin air. “You are a proud, competent witch, Zelda Spellman, one I admire. I know you can never forgive me for what happened to Sabrina and I am not asking you to. But I do not want you as an enemy. I know what you can do when properly motivated.” She inclined her head in acknowledgment to the fact that she likely wouldn’t be Queen of Hell without the Spellman family. Lilith then held the disc out to Zelda like a peace offering.  

Lips twisting, Zelda took the disc from her, brushing her fingers over the case gently. This was from Sabrina, her girl, the last thing she’d ever get from her. The last piece of her Sabrina.  

Squeezing her eyes shut, Zelda brought her gaze back to Lilith. “Never appear before me again and we won’t have a problem.” The words came out more of a growl than Zelda intended, but thankfully Lilith didn’t take it as an insult. The witch merely inclined her head and turned to leave.  

“I truly am sorry.”  

The words were spoken so softly Zelda wasn’t sure she’d actually heard them, but before she could challenge Lilith and likely get herself killed in the process, the witch was gone.  

Summoning courage, Zelda teleported to mortuary office, knowing no one from the wake would be in the room, and hurriedly turned on the computer and slipped the disk inside.  

Sabrina’s face filled the screen.

A wounded gasp escaped Zelda, her girl, there her girl was, looking just like she had after they defeated Lucifer. Her hand reached out and touched the screen involuntarily, as if she could truly cup Sabrina’s cheek.  

Sniffing and wiping away a tear, Zelda pressed play, scooting her chair closer to the desk; to the computer.  

A montage started. Snippets from Sabrina’s entire life with Zelda appeared on the screen. Zelda would have suspected they were home videos had she not known for a fact that they rarely had the video camera out and when they did, Zelda wasn’t in the frame.

These, these were memories.  

Lilith had helped Sabrina enter her own memories, view them like a third party, compile them, and save them in a physical form. And not only did the video show their lives together, Sabrina’s voice spoke over the soft music in the background; recounting her favorite moments, laughing, telling her sorry, thank you, she loved her.  

As the video progressed, Sabrina’s voice aged along with Sabrina’s physical appearance in the video; evidencing that her girl had gone back over the years and added more memories, more love. Sabrina had been creating this for years; preparing for the day she would no longer be with them.  

The last scene froze, an image of her swinging a 4 year-old Sabrina around the back yard, bits of them blurry but the wide grins, the happiness in their expressions, were crystal clear, holding on the screen as Sabrina said her goodbye. When the image faded to black Zelda slammed the button to replay the video; desperate to see her girl, to hear her voice, again.  

Getting to watch her girl grow up all over again… Zelda stuffed a shaking fist into her mouth to try and stifle her sobs. Her smart, compassionate, beautiful, wonderful girl…. She’d known from the start that her family would outlive her, by decades at the least. And yet, she’d found a way to return to them, to be there for them always.  

Her girl was gone, but she’d never be forgotten.  

Pressing the replay button again, a watery smile spread across her face as a tiny Sabrina toddled across the screen, screeching with joy when on-screen Zelda swooped her up and rained kisses on her face.  

It’ll hurt a tiny bit less.

The words sounded in her mind again, and for the first time since remembering them, Zelda actually believed that maybe, just maybe those words could come true.

Not today. Or tomorrow. But some day.

Notes: I know there are many things I didn’t address or only referred to briefly, like Nick, Prudence, Lilith, Blackwood, the twins, Cerberus, Sabrina’s love life, whether Salem would stay with Sabrina not being a witch… but this fic would’ve been a multi-chapter stand alone had I included everything and I didn’t have the energy for that. So, I picked out snippets of their lives and went from there, I hope you still enjoyed!

I also reused the ‘entering your own memory idea’ that I had in my 'Everything Has a Price’ fic, couldn’t help myself :)

[mst3kproject]

1110: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

I only saw this episode once, while I was on my two-day binge back when season eleven first debuted – and by then I was kind of running out of binge-watching oomph, because I don’t think I paid much attention to it.  If I had, I wouldn’t have been so blindsided by shit like the mermaid and her rainbow bridge or the flying lion-centaur whatchamafuckit.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is depressingly cheap and desperately amateurish, but it's also unbelievably fucking weird.

There’s a great evil abroad in the land or something.  The Castle(TM) is Attacked and the resident Bearded Wizard(TM) gives his son the Callow Youth(TM) a Magical Ring(TM) to keep safe – but of course the stupid kid drops it on the way out.  After gathering a few allies, slaying a few monsters, and dabbling in casual necromancy, the boy sneaks back into the castle to retrieve the ring and do wizardly battle with the bad guy.  The day is saved, the princess is rescued, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  The music attempts to convince us that this is epic and exciting, rather than corny and embarrassing.

I have rarely felt as bad for a group of actors as I did watching Wizards of the Lost Kingdom.  I kept wanting to hide behind the couch so I wouldn’t have to look at the expressions on their faces as they humiliate themselves by being in this movie.  Even Crabby the Crab Hat doesn’t want to be here.  The whole thing looks like a third grade class put on a play starring everybody’s parents.  The only person who gets out with any shred of dignity is whatever poor bastard was hiding under the Gulfax suit… oh, no, wait, no he didn’t, because according to IMDB the same actor also played Dad the Wizard.

Let’s look at our characters.  There’s our hero Simon, who is about thirteen and seems to be familiar with the concept of a quest but would probably much rather be reading a book somewhere.  His buddy is Gulfax, a dude who paid way too much for his alpaca fursuit.  Kor the Conquerer is supposed to be a troubled alcoholic mercenary, but he really does look like Gordon Ramsay except not as badass. The wicked queen dresses like she’s trying to look sexy for the Swamp Thing.  Princess Aura acts like your nine-year-old sister parading around in one of those Disney Princess gowns.  The bad guy is less impressive than his own fashion accessories and can disintegrate people except when it would be inconvenient for the plot.  Simon can disintegrate people, too, but saves it for non-humans despite the fact that they’re shown to be sentient.

Then there’s what all these people actually do. Despite a much more kid-friendly tone, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is a lot like Ator: the Fighting Eagle.  Both movies present us with characters who are supposedly on a heroic quest, but all we see is them wandering around the woods while random things happen. When I tried to describe this film to a co-worker, I realized I could talk about the various incidents in whatever order I liked, because none of them really contribute to the plot or even connect to each other.

Take, for example, the bit where Kor is captured by the cyclops who wants him to marry his sister (the cyclops’ sister, that is.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom isn’t that much like Ator).  It comes and it goes, and that’s it.  Kor had earlier said he didn’t know who this mysterious bucket-helmeted figure was, and Simon pouts a bit because that was a lie. It really, really doesn’t feel like the major betrayal the script wants us to think it was.  It comes across as the cyclops’ sister being an embarrassing ex-girlfriend Kor just didn’t want to talk about, and he and Simon argue for thirty seconds and then hug and make up, completely negating whatever small emotional impact the whole thing might have had.

Or how about the part where Simon straight-up raises the dead? In most fantasy settings that would be considered a turn down a dark path, with far-reaching consequences for both the plot and the character development.  In Wizards of the Lost Kingdom the corpses get up and basically tell Simon to get fucked because they want to rest, and then crawl back into their graves.  This is a world where black magic exists and can claim your soul, but apparently necromancy isn’t in that category.  All that happens is Kor tells Simon to respect the dead more.

What about the bit where Simon realizes the bad guy and his Crab Hat are spying on them through a magical birdbath?  The kid casts a spell that makes the water explode in the evil dude’s face so he can’t see them anymore, but this has no plot consequences because a scene or two later the bad guy has simply re-filled the birdbath and is watching them again.  Why did we even need to see that?  Why did we need the bit with the little gnome dude who enables Kor’s alcoholism? The drinking is never a plot point because this is a kids’ movie (unless marrying the cyclops’ sister was something Kor promised to do while drunk), and the gnome promises to re-join them for the climax but when he does he just watches.

How about the part where Kor tries to save a drowning topless blonde woman in the weirdly orange river (this is the only place where I can definitely identify a shot MST3K cut, since we got one very brief look at her tits)? She vanishes only to reappear on a rock with one of those mermaid tail blankets over her legs, telling them she was testing their manhood to see if they were worthy of her help!  They were, so she creates a rainbow for them and tells them to follow their hearts across the river!

Uh.  Okay. So I can see how Kor was worthy, since he jumped in and all, but Simon stood on the shore yelling at him to stop because it’s too dangerous.  Shouldn’t his unmanly ass get left behind?

Unquestionably, however, the weirdest thing in the movie is the fucked-up trippy vision Simon has while bug-woman plies him with drink and flower petals.  This scene fascinates me.  So there’s a bunch of Satanists sacrificing women on a spray-foam altar, while a voice tries to tempt Simon to the dark side.  In response, he summons up the ‘forces of good’ to deal with the situation, and they appear in the form of this stop-motion… chimera… thing. Imagine a lion centaur, only both the horse part and the human part are lions, so it’s like a six-legged, two-torsoed leonine centipede abomination, but instead of arms on the upper set of shoulders it has weird veiny bat wings.  It hovers there snarling while the Satanists complete their sacrifice, which summons a giant floating semi-transparent head in some scaly makeup.  The head makes faces and breathes green fire, until the lion thing glares cartoon lightning at it and it explodes.

What the actual unmotivated fuck. What even was that? I want to say it’s demonstrating that Simon is pure of heart and can’t be tempted to evil but like ten minutes later he’s raising the fucking dead.  What the hell is with the lion monster?  Is it a metaphor for something?  Is it saying that the forces of good can be just as terrifying as those of evil, like how if you read descriptions of angels they actually look like beasts from your nightmares?  Was it actually supposed to be pretty and the model-makers just weren’t up to the task? What am I looking at?

Did anybody actually realize how weird this all was?  One does get the impression that the writers were just scribbling down whatever bullshit came into their heads without regard for continuity or anything.  Can we have a mermaid in our movie?  Sure, why the hell not.  Zombies? Awesome, everybody loves zombies, throw ‘em in there.  A garden gnome?  A goat-man playing the pan flute?  A jilted cyclops with a spiral perm?  Absolutely, the more, the merrier!  Concepts!

And yet for all that, the single worst failure of writing in Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is the anticlimax of the ending.  Through the whole movie everybody’s been looking for the Ring of Magic, which makes the wearer all-powerful.  One of the wicked queen’s dwarves (played by actual little people who should all have been paid double for being in the same movie where the queen says we’re running out of dwarves) finds it, but Simon snatches it back a moment later and goes out and saves the day.  Of course he does – he’s all-powerful.  It’s a foregone conclusion.  The only tension comes from wondering how many of those kids who were freed from prison are gonna get swords in the gut while Simon worries about making pretty special effects in his wizard’s duel.

One last bit of illogical crap.  After the battle, Kor wanders off to go back to his ‘itinerant boozehound’ gig, and tells Simon to be a good king.  Uh… Simon’s not gonna be king.  The rightful heir is Princess Aura, who’s literally right there.  Simon can marry her and be royal consort if she still likes him once they’ve both been through puberty.  Is there a law in this kingdom that if you save the day you get to be in charge?  That does seem to be where the last guy got his throne… and yet I have a faint suspicion that the writers just assumed Simon would rule instead of Aura because he’s got a penis and she doesn’t.

All that may have given the impression that I hate this movie but I really don’t.  Wizards of the Lost Kingdom just isn’t worth the effort.  Instead I just pity this movie and everybody in it.  Every last one of them did a terrible job, and yet they still all deserved better.  On every possible level, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is truly less than the sum of its parts.