#shame on me i guess for talking.
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i was the only one at the fair today locally with a mask on
and as we were leaving and someone else was coming in, a dad with his probably 5 yr old daughter, he leaned over in front of my face and coughed hard on purpose
fucking jackass i hope he gets humbled so hard, and maybe hope he falls on his face on the hot pavement.
#i also used sanitizer that smelled like actual shit and it was dirty on the outside of it too and so#i was already freaking out about that#then on the way home my dad ARGUES with me bc i said food is a human right. like? ok.#yes it was about america being the only one who said No about food being a human right#he started going into conspiracy theories at me and i just#gave up.#also mentioned a guy in a movie was a white supremacist and he blew up at me too#saying instantly without looking things up that hes not#okay budy okay pal you jsut wanna take your anger out on me its cool idk why i said anything at all though#but it was of topic he was already bringing up#shame on me i guess for talking.#im so fucking tired.#also everything at the fair wasnteven set up when there was tons of people there alerady like.. jfc
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look at this idiot not aware that his body is warm and his touch comforting everyone point and laugh
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#admin draws#fanart#i got sick of looking for a ref so i doodled this real quick yesterday#ive been in a 'need hug' mood especially after the exam and sleeplessness preceding it#and thinking stuff#so what better way to process all of this than you guessed it. shoving it onto dirk#short tags this time cos im doing something else but i have lots of things i want to make.... its a shame im not feeling it again#if someone wants to give me excuses to talk about them the ask box is open for more than just rqs
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baby👶 drawings. these are very dear to me rn.. 2nd pic is my Nelavis with @barvin0k's Varonur 🩵 last one is a baby bosmer and snow elf, hairiest of them all. although the bosmer was meant to be my girl Barletta too lols
#tes#skyrim#my art#oc#nelavis#barletta#😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 babies are so sweetum ugh my heart is crumbling rn#referenced some anne g*ddes stuff for dis#i call them snow elves instead of falmer like g*lebor would want me to#i never really get to talk about my elf anatomies at length cus i'm lazy but i sprinkled some info in the first pic#altmer society is EugenicsLand so you could only tell if your child has 'good' traits when they hit puberty#ex. height and shoulder width is something very important to them#if you don't have those traits ur pretty much a failure#other elves have it easier 🤓#idk i still might make some kinda infographic for the way i picture them but umm maybe not who knows#on snow elves and bosmer the fur is still 'confused' when they're in baby stage and is pretty much everywhere#it evens out w/ age and stays on the back; neck; sides of face the most and in places where human body hair wud be#idk ummm..and i think all elves grow their nails out unless they're very intertwined with humans in their life#ex. my snelf elisif; she has her nails trimmed to be regarded as more human i guess#nails are most important to altmer tho and might be a status symbol of some kind... they like using them in combat too#it's shameful for an altmer to not have long nails for any reason but there can be exceptions#like my el*nwen that can't physically grow nails out because of burn injury#so she has fake ones on her combat gloves#it's cute#elf nails aren't as frail as human nails and are more like an animals claws (corny) but bosmers' are the sturdiest#and their nails are curved in shape. for U know. Climbing and stuff#cause dunmer and altmer etc. have straight nails. they can hit the nail salon
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sometimes its weird to think of ordis as ordan karris
#ramble time#i think im in some kind of art block#again#i guess it just happens every now and then#i have like 3 drafts and i don't wanna finish any of them#idk#i drew someone else's oc yesterday and that's probably the only thing that piqued my interest enough to make me spend effort on something#but im too cowardly to ask if they would allow me to put that in my blog with ref so fuck it#or just show my art to them in general#ykw the only reason i can put anything on here is because i am effectively talking to air when i post so i have less mental burden or shame#whatever#i talk too much#this ramble is supposed to go to plurk but i guess i can't stop rambling about everything when im writing tags#warframe#warframe ordan karris#my art
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A butterfly taxidermied by its broken claws To think I wouldn't notice, your fraudulent applause A cocoon made out of plastic, almost crystal-clear Yet still trying to hide, for oh so many years
bonuses
#cacterart#cacterverse#tptm oc#tptm#i guess#“hey cactus didn't you post about her once” we don't talk about that#in reality yeah i did post about my tptm oc once but then deleted it out of shame :)#cbgirl made me remember about him and then it. spiraled out of control#i still think the fact she came to me in a dream where he was personally shown to me by towne is really funny#anyway. sorry to the one (1) person who saw the previous version of this post
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i think what's wrong with me is that everyone infodumps on me but i never infodump on anyone
i should inflict that on someone
#fran talks#friends infodumping on me (blessed) (affectionate) (positive)#me infodumping on friends (derogative) (self-conscious) (shameful)#but also i miss having friends into the same specific things i am#so we could tism together and get caught into a happy loop#now i don't rly make friends easily#and i feel bad bothering friends w things they're not into#even tho they have not the same problem w me#(this is not a bad thing im fascinated w things my friends are into even if im not personally into them)#so i guess i'm just stuck into never talking about things i like#just rotating them in my head compulsively and quietly#friends: u can infodump on me#me: what if i did not do that tho#me trying to ease myself into talking about things i love w friends who are not inot them: :)?#friends: suspiciously quiet right after i do that#me: ok ill never say a single word about things i love ever again#its the anxieties(tm)
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I feel like a terrified animal on Bluesky and I just found out you can't make your profile private so WELP
#i gave it my best shot....#this sounds weird i know but the formst of twt and bsky feels so#idk its not Great for my autism#like on twt/bsky i feel so exposed and awful and self conscious#like it feels like theres a social etiquette that i just can never seem to succeed with#and due to everything being public its as if thats more shameful of me#i just feel so stupid and weird and out of the loop socially in that format#though to be fair it doesnt help with other issues such as like#being stalked irl and online and have everything monitored for a decade and then psychotic paranoia for years might not help either#tumblr feels like i have a barrier between myself and other people#where i can interact with others but on my terms#and where i feel more secure in that i'm not missing cues that im too much or overstepping#it makes people as a whole feel less daunting and scary#combined with no character limit + better archive and viewing images and i just#idk for all its flaws i think tumblr is the best place for me online#i'm not deleting my bsky account but im seriously considering if i should just. remove everything ive posted thus far#idk though maybe ill just stop posting anything new for the time being and leave it at that#if i didnt know people there who id like to keep up with i mightve deleted the whole thing but yeah#i guess we'll see#DHSADHGDFJ i feel so stupid typing all this but gosh#silvi talks
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it feels like kids projecting onto teruhashi the entities that other them at school maybe.
yeah there's definitely a pattern of people who associate teruhashi with their irl bullies or mean girls, i see a lot of people say things like "she reminds me of this girl i hate" "shes just like my ex best friend" "i would hate her irl" when i can 10000% guarantee that that isnt true, because IF YOU KNEW HER IRL, YOU WOULD NOT KNOW THE THINGS SAIKI KNOWS. its like the main bit, im not sure how people miss the mark so severely. if their bully or ex friend was like her, they wouldnt be a bully or ex friend. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
#i guess im referring to people who are like the actual audience saiki k should have#isnt it rated 14 and up#14+ year olds should know better than this tbh#im not talking about like the whole internalized misogyny thing cuz that was definitely still me and many other people at 14#(quite literally teruhashi herself also)#im talking about the very basic comprehension of her character and the separation between her thoughts and actions#🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️yeah idk#not trying to shame anyone for lack of comprehension skills but that IS what it is
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the day am fans realise that miles/milex shippers are less problematic and harmful to the fandom than lv/her supporters will be one of the best days of my life
rant incoming because I'm going insane:
i will never ever understand why am fans have so much beef with milex shippers.
i have been in SO many fandoms throughout my life, I've been obsessed with SO many bands whose members are shipped to the point of insanity, and it was never a problem. sure, some people didn't like the ships, but why are so many am fans acting like this is something unique? bts, mcr, dan and phil, harry potter, I've seen fucking everything. every other fandom in the world are just this obsessed with their ships, trying to prove that two men are fucking, posting theories and so on. shipping was always a thing in fandoms and always will be, especially if we're talking about male celebrities and teenage girls.
having said this, the kind of fandom i have never been in is one where grown ass women bring this much toxicity to the community and behave like children. there are hundreds of celebrities whose girlfriends are not liked by the fans, but no girlfriend ever engaged this much with the haters, probably because they realised that it would only make things worse, and the fans would hate them even more.
we could've had some peaceful end of the tour content, but no, we have this instead. every few months something has to be done by a certain someone in order for people to pay attention to her, and so that in the end fans will forget the reason they're fans and engage in stupid shit like this, defeating the whole purpose of being a music fan.
all this drama is slowly making me not want to have anything to do with am or the fandom anymore. if not for miles and him being connected to am, i would've stopped giving a fuck about alex years ago (technically not through his fault, but then also because of him). this whole thing just makes me sad because miles does not deserve to be associated with these people and the fact that he will never be able to get rid of them is so not it.
#look i could talk about this for hours but it makes me so angry it's best to just stop#i saved the spiciest things for the tags#matt used to be my favourite but now i cannot even stand to hear his name#such a disappointment i really thought he was better than this#which also makes me question what the hell alex sees in him#and then again alex is probably not the best person in the world#which i guess we knew ever since the absolutely disgusting behaviour towards taylor and him being friends with ppl like josh homme#and cameron avery#sigh#it's just a shame that his music is really good#(anyone looking to buy some am vinyls? 😂)#oh miles the things i endure for you#i have such a love/hate relationship with alex it's crazy#one second i love him the other i never want to see him again#which then makes me think about how different things would be if he had a different girlfriend#she really ruined absolutely everything#(not) sorry#rant#alex turner#milex#louise verneuil#arctic monkeys
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Just a thought I had while cleaning but realistically would anyone know Sol’s birthday? Like. Since he’s a clone and all. Like imagine the weird situation with that right?
Sorry my memory for the beginning of campaign three is hazy and maybe I’m being dumb but like. He wouldn’t. Know his birthday. Right? MAYBE He would consider his birthday the day he and Albin met? Maybe he celebrated alongside Albin’s birthday? Maybe he wasn’t celebrated at all?
If he and Swag got the chance to talk then would he consider Swags birthday to be his birthday as well? Maybe he hasn’t even thought about the fact he doesn’t really know or have a birthday. Maybe he only realizes once Callie and Calder start talking about their own birthdays? If something about a Sol birthday is mentioned in canon then unmm ignore this post pretend you never read it but regardless I think it’s fun to think of the duck team scenarios that spawn from that.
#not another dnd podcast#naddpod#naddpod campaign 3#sol bufo#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#albin pembroke#like idk wouldnt it be cute if duck team finds out he doesnt have like a birthday birthday#and then just throw him a surprise party#listen because sol is my favorite i HAVE to make sol angst its the LAW#if anything i talk about was easily explained in canon and i just dont remember then. shame on me i guess#if im deadly wrong maybe ill crawl into a hole and never post again. thats just how the cookie crumbles
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Honestly Rayla is equally 100% ride or die for Callum too.
That's so true I almost mentioned it in that post. They're so ridiculously feral for each other it's hilarious to watch. Callum's the legitimate "we ride AND die together" whereas Rayla is the "I will ride and die FOR you" sort of deal yknow?
Could be literally any situation, no matter how dangerous, and she's already decided she will die here. Does it ensure Callum lives? Then batter-up buckeroo we're going in swords blazing! Everyone cheer and clap for her human or she'll blow this whole place up. Kinda person who says "even if you hate me I'd still lose everything if it meant you were okay". She thinks they're in a tragic love story where she's always at risk of losing him but that's okay as long as it keeps him safe and happy like y'know Viren parallels, she'd risk losing her very self for him over and over. Except Callum would wait until the end of the world itself, and even beyond, and she wouldn't even have to ask.
The difference between them, really, is that Rayla will die for Callum on any given day. Callum will kill for Rayla on any given day. Something something matching sets
#tdp#the dragon prince#asks#rayllum#tdp callum#tdp rayla#talk#someone in the tags of that post said 'raylas self loathing works hard but callums devotion works even harder' and they own that post now#its theirs. they summed it up beautifully. they own it#'yes hes cringe but hes MY cringefail loserboy!!!!! get your OWN'#everyone else would say the 'hes a 10 but--' except for rayla. shes just 'hes a 10. hes just a 10 striaght-up'#he is not. he is so not a 10 i love him but hes not a 10 shes just so ill for him#so insane that the girl who has issues abt not being or being wanted by anyone or not good enough for ppl to stay/want her#proceeds to find maybe the 1 guy in the entire world who will choose her no matter WHAT#and even when SHE was the one who left & he was pissed he was still 100% sticking by her. hes staying#oops she showed him affection. now hes stuck forever! shame. welp guess thats how it goes!#and its partially bc of that she'd die for him. she needs him to b okay even if shes not there. mix of that loathing like#'he could still b happy without me so i need to ensure he lives so he can STAY happy at my own detriment. he means more than me'#girl if you died he would literally crumple into dust. fold in like cardboard in the rain. lay face-down in the sand & just die there#same w callum hes like 'i can hurt myself over & over for her if shes alive. if the danger is dead then she can live longer. i will live bu#tear myself apart so long she is safe'#bestie. if you reach the point of no return she will sacrifice herself to get the old you back WHAT THEN
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‘I do not have a favorite animal,’ I think to myself. ‘All animals are unique in their own way.’
And then a picture of a horseshoe crab enters my dash…
#perfect littol creachur#holy shit I love them#and it’s such a shame I only realize I do whenever I see them#I guess it’s like a ‘out of sight out of mind’ kind of thing with me#it happens a lot of the time#toast tries to talk#random#random stuff#horseshoe crab
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my most clear-headed stance today is that people who think SNL is funny should die. people who write for SNL and the cast should also die 👍
#just watched a snl woman in a wig talking like an idiot for five minutes trying to shame people who find luigi mangione hot#and‚ you guessed it‚ not a single giggle out of me#i'm with the freaks on this one 🫡 i dont find him hot but i support people who think he is idgaf#📓
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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Been thinking abt this a bit lately, and I haven't wholly committed, but if for no other reason than curiosity's sake, if I did some sort of like, romance hc / self ship focused "ask event" on my ship blog, would that be smth anyone's interested in?
#on one hand. it's just not smth im personally interested in at all. but on the other. I love to yap abt my guys and frankly ppl just don't#seem all that interested in them when it's not romantic#and that's not to complain per se. guess it just makes me a little sad since it's like the circles that I'm in don't really overlap with#many others in this fandom. I think a good middle ground would be doing an ask thing like this on my side blog for stuff more of this#nature. nature. And having it just be a temporary thing. I don't want ppl to associate me w/ selfship stuff bc it's not smth I care abt#much beyond enjoying talking abt my Various Guys in almost any capacity#<- trying so hard not to sound like a hater I love self shipping I think it's great I just don't do it and don't wanna be boxed into a#corner where ppl are asking me/making requests for this stuff exclusively bc that'd. Not be fun for me!#like...I'd like to entertain it a *little*. Just a little. Any only if it'd be fun for everyone yk?#rambling. ough.#I'm tired. if you couldn't tell. I'm super tired and it's almost 4am here#sunny with clouds#maybe delete later if the Shame gets me
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I’m just saying, the human brain is not equipped for worrying about bank accounts and unemployment and whether unions can hold out and potential show cancellations and climate change and genocide and upcoming elections and parental health and insurance claims and home repairs and ongoing covid surges and political corruption and existential terrors and and and and and
all at the same time at 3 in the morning, as if all of these things are remotely equal and remotely controllable, when you can do NOTHING about any of it because you are small and your room is dark and your dog is asleep and it is 3 in the goddamn morning
#personal#hey hi hello the world is really bad! actually! really bad right now!#this isn’t the place where I come to talk about current events and the like most of the time#but uh. it’s cuz I can’t stop thinking about it. we’re living through so much. so much Bad.#and I want to fix literally all of it#from the comparatively small art things to the incredibly enormous human rights things#and I am. barely able to keep my own house.#and it feels shameful to be so overwhelmed by a world that’s being comparatively kind to me even when it’s been awful#and I sometimes just need to. say it. I guess.#anyway. back to the regularly scheduled gay fiction in a second I just um.#vote please. and stand with Gaza. and…try to rest. when you can. cuz it’s. a lot out there.
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