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irondad-defensesquad · 9 months ago

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To be yourself is all that you can do

Also posted on AO3!

TRIGGER WARNINGS - self-harm (not explicit), past temporary character death, anxiety attacks, and grief/mourning.

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

Someone falls to pieces, sleeping all alone Someone kills the pain, spinning in the silence She finally drifts away Someone gets excited in a chapel yard, catches a bouquet Another lays a dozen white roses on a grave Yeah, and to be yourself is all that you can do Hey, to be yourself is all that you can do - Be Yourself, Audioslave

Peter forgets where he is, until he hears a little girl’s concerned voice.

“Petey, did you get hurt?”

That’s when he realizes he hasn’t covered his arms under his sleeves, and Morgan is seeing all the ugly cuts filling his skin. Peter also goes cold when he remembers that Tony and Pepper are home, though they don’t seem to pay attention. They’re bantering in the kitchen. In fact, they were all cooking together when Peter lied that he was tired so he would go to the couch. Tony could always read him like an open book, but he was having a good time with his family, and Peter at least didn’t ruin it.

So, Peter went to the bathroom. And then he went to the couch, silent as a rock.

But now the worst outcome has come true. Peter has tainted Morgan’s innocence. How is he going to explain it to her? She’s so young to know about self-harm and how little sense it makes.

“I’ll get Daddy-!” Morgan is about to jump out of the couch to run to the kitchen and he’s going to ruin Tony’s happiness–

“No! I-I mean-!” Peter lets out, thankfully not too loudly. “It’s fine, I swear.” The cuts still burn a little, wearing the knit sweater Tony got him is quite itchy. “I have super healing, remember? They’ll be gone soon.”

If anything, they’re not healing properly.

Morgan can probably tell.

“Do you need ice? Band-aids?” She suggests. “You’ll need a lot of them though…”

“I-It’s okay, Mo. I can handle it.”

Peter gulps, glancing at the kitchen. He can hear Neil Young playing. It’s not like the AC/DC Tony would blast in the workshop… Peter might miss it, but this little life he built here with Pepper and their daughter is nice.

“Just promise me you won’t tell your parents, okay?” Peter asks (begs). He knows it’s unfair to do this to Morgan after what she has just seen. “I don’t want them to freak out or anything.”

She doesn’t look as shocked anymore but she looks very sad for him.

“Okay,” Morgan replies simply. Meaning it.

Peter doesn’t know why Morgan isn’t asking anything. She doesn’t question where the cuts come from. She doesn’t ask why Peter did this to himself. She doesn’t get mad. She doesn’t cry.

Instead…

Morgan wraps her small arms around Peter’s neck. That makes the boy’s eyes tear up, but he has to swallow them for now.

“There, there,” Morgan pats his back. That action makes him snort. She’s imitating Baymax, since they watched Big Hero 6 the other day.

“T-Thanks.”

Morgan really does love him. He’s her “super big brother”.

Then she lets go and smiles at him. Morgan is so cute. Peter would’ve squeezed her but his arms hurt and he doesn’t want to hurt her, too.

Suddenly, her eyes sparkle.

“You wait here!” Morgan says, suddenly sprinting away.

It seems like she’s running upstairs.

Peter frowns, trying to figure out what she’s up to. At the same time, he sees his cuts again, glaring at them. He feels so stupid for relapsing, but he had such an awful night of sleep and he needed to distract himself, he couldn’t have an anxiety attack when everyone else wants to have fun–

Morgan has returned with a fuzzy blanket that she probably got from Peter’s room, as well as a little stuffed bunny that she gave him.

“Here! Now you’re warm and you’re not alone!” Morgan says proudly.

Peter laughs, rather broken. He hugs his bunny. “Aww, thank you.”

“Now one last thing!” The girl runs again, but she goes to the kitchen instead.

Morgan is likely looking for something as she runs all over the kitchen to get specific things. She’s even panting at this point.

“Whoa there, speedy, what’s all the rush for?” Tony questions, teasingly.

“I need choco milk!”

“Nice try, young lady, dinner will be ready in less than five minutes,” Pepper points out. She must be crossing her arms, even if she’s not too serious, either.

“No, it’s an emergency! Petey is sad, so he needs choco milk so he doesn’t feel so sad anymore!”

Oh f…

Okay. Okay, at the very least Morgan didn’t tell them Peter is hurt.

And is it really her fault? Morgan just wants to help. And she’s doing the right thing getting the adults, too. No child should be forced to take care of a teenager who can’t handle his own brain.

Anyway, the happy environment is definitely over. Peter can sense the tension coming from Pepper and Tony. They might even be looking at each other to figure out what to do next.

Peter stays quiet.

“Hey, Morguna,” Tony resumes his sweet dad tone, “how about you and Mom get Peter a really nice book while I make the choco milk?”

“Yeah! Story for Petey!” Morgan loves the idea.

Two people leave the kitchen. “I’ll be back, Petey!” Morgan reassures from afar.

With the mother and daughter upstairs, the floor seems awfully silent. Save for the music.

Peter can also hear Tony sighing to himself.

He hates that.

The man seems to handle both the chocolate milk and dinner. Peter knows his mentor is going to confront him soon, and his heart is beating faster. And the teen knows he can’t run to the restroom again.

Peter spends so long overthinking that when the steps are coming towards him, he hides in the blanket to pretend he’s not there. Wow, he used to do this so much as a kid. Especially when he was sad and Uncle Ben would come and find him…

“... Hello, strange lump. I’m looking for my teenager who could use some chocolate milk right now,” Tony jokes. “Can you get him for me?”

Peter pretends he didn’t feel warm when Tony called him his teenager.

Gulping again, the boy comes out.

“Um, hi.”

“Hey, kid. Brought you milk.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

As Tony hands him the cup, he’s actually cupping both of Peter’s hands, too. Tony is kneeling down in front of him. Peter doesn’t dare look up.

“What happened?” Tony whispers.

“I dunno. I had a bad night.” Peter is not completely lying.

“Nightmare?”

The teen shakes his head. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh, Pete, you can let me know when you can’t sleep.”

The gentle reminder, without a hint of annoyance, certainly won’t help Peter hide his tears. He looks down, staring at his hidden lower arms.

“It was stupid and… I didn’t want you to know.”

Peter doesn’t want to see Tony’s sad face. He doesn’t want to be reminded of someone who looked out for him that bore the same expression. The sadness of unconditional love, despite all of Peter’s mistakes.

“Hey,” Tony calls, “look at me.”

The teenager almost shakes his head, knowing it would be rude.

Knowing he’ll just regret avoiding Tony, too.

The man is smiling.

“I love you, Peter. Pepper and Morgan love you, too. We’re here for you through anything, including your lows,” Tony tells him.

With that, he kisses Peter’s forehead without a second thought.

Tony has always been affectionate, but now, it’s like he’s opened himself more. That likely has to do with Morgan.

Everything has changed so much…

“Now, I just want you to get warm and get ready for a story,” the man breaks him out of his trance. “Does that sound good?”

“Of course, Mr. Stark.”

Soon, Morgan and Pepper are back with quite a handful of books.

“Whoa, that’s a lot you got there,” Tony comments.

“I didn’t know what to pick! There are so many good ones! Maybe Petey can tell us which one he likes the most,” Morgan suggests.

“Okay, you kids settle down now. You leave the stories to the pros.”

Pepper rolls her eyes. “I’m obviously the pro here.”

Morgan joins Peter on the couch, snuggling against him, the two protected by the blanket. Tony and Pepper sit on the floor, all the books lying around. They show Peter some of them. Of course, the one about the spider that couldn’t web attracts him.

The spider could stick to the walls like any other spider, but she couldn’t make any of the beautiful webs. She felt lonely and alienated. Eventually she finds a group of spiders that have other “flaws” that accept her the way she is.

Tony and Pepper will make silly voices together. Morgan always laughs or gives snarky comments like her parents do. Peter doesn’t really say much, but he feels his body relaxing more and more.

They don’t read all the books, mostly because they still have to eat dinner which has gotten cold. They reheat it and eat together. Peter can feel their eyes on him but he can’t blame them. Other than that, it’s pretty calm.

Morgan is tired after doing everything to make Peter feel better, so she goes to bed rather early (even if she tries to convince them otherwise). Once Pepper and Tony tuck her in, Peter shows up. Morgan is already with her eyes closed, breathing in and out…

Peter grins, kissing her forehead.

“Thanks, Morgan. You’re my hero, too.”

“You’re welcome, Petey-pie…” the girl says sleepily.

Peter smooths her hair gently, soon turning off the lamp for her.

When he leaves, he can tell Pepper and Tony were watching them.

The two plus Peter hang around in the living room. The adults are talking more. Peter is actually in the middle of them, like he’s their kid, too.

Sometimes they ask him stuff to include him. Peter might unintentionally make funny comments every now and then. Pepper laughs out loud, mostly because Peter is just telling her an embarrassing thing Tony did years ago. The man’s look of betrayal makes it all the funnier.

Peter faintly hears Harvest Moon by Neil Young in the background.

The whole time, the spider-teen tries not to scratch his arms and likely tear them apart again. It must mean that his wounds still haven’t healed. And he feels like he can’t just leave to go to the restroom again. Peter is really bad at hiding things and Tony is more than familiar with it.

Millions of “what-ifs” race in a loop inside Peter’s head, which has him not realize the snapping fingers in front of him.

“... hello? Peter?” Tony calls him.

“Oh? Hey. Hi. Sorry. I totally spaced out right now.”

“You’ve been scratching your arm for a bit… Is the sweater bothering you?”

“No! No, it’s just a tic.”

Tony and Pepper eye each other again. Peter wishes he could hide in the blanket lump and never, ever come out again.

“I’m, uhhhh… going to get some water,” the boy panics, leaving the couch even though he doesn’t want to. But he does need a glass of water.

Neil Young is the main thing he hears in the kitchen. Peter, however, can tell the adults in the living room are whispering to themselves. He tries to distract himself with his phone; there aren’t new messages from Aunt May or Ned. They’re both out of town, the former is with her friends she hasn’t seen in five years, and Ned is spending time with his family as he should. Peter doesn’t know about MJ since she doesn’t often open up about her personal life.

Maybe some part of him wants to run away right now. Literally right now. He can do that. But Tony and Pepper are going to look for him. Morgan is going to blame herself because she can’t heal Peter’s wounds – the mental and the physical.

Peter finishes the water in one swallow, nearly choking. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen.

Thus, he returns to the living room. Pepper is standing up while Tony remains on the couch. She sees Peter and smiles.

“I’m going to bed,” she announces. “You two don’t stay up too late, alright?”

“I would never,” Tony jokes.

Peter smiles nervously.

Pepper approaches him and gently kisses his head.

“Good night, honey.”

Honey…

“Hey, don’t I get a kiss, too?” Tony whines.

Pepper rolls her eyes but she kisses her husband, too.

“Um, good night, Pepper,” Peter waves awkwardly and she waves back.

Finally, she’s going upstairs, leaving Tony and Peter on their own.

“So kid, wanna spend some ‘us’ time now?” The hero wonders.

Peter, for some reason, cannot answer right away.

He knows that if he goes to bed, he won’t be able to sleep.

But he doesn’t want Tony to know about his arms.

He has no way out.

“... you okay?” Tony softens his voice a lot more.

“Y-Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, Mr. Stark.”

“Hey now, I don’t bite.”

“I-I know.”

Tony is trying to be that jokey man from before, but his worry only grows. Peter knows that Tony is not going to bed anytime soon BECAUSE of Peter. He’ll stay there forever. And ever.

For once, the boy returns to the couch, but this time he sits on the other corner of the couch, away from Tony. He’s hugging himself as a pathetic form of comfort. And he knows that’s only going to hurt Tony further. Why is Peter like this?

Regardless, the man is stretching an arm, inviting Peter to come closer.

The latter wants to cry.

“Kid?” Tony urges. “What do you need right now?”

Peter gulps. “I-I…”

He can’t hide the sniff.

“I dunno. B-But I don’t want to go to bed,” he replies. “I-I don’t want to go home, either.” I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone again.

“It’s alright, buddy. You can stay here.”

“I-I feel like I’m getting in the way.”

“You aren’t.”

“It’s like I don’t belong here, Mr. Stark.”

These last words feel like a stab to the heart.

“I’ve been away for five years and- and when I come back, suddenly I find out you have a daughter and you’re not living upstate anymore, and our workshop is gone, and there isn’t hard rock playing in the house… a-and it’s not like this life you built here is bad , it’s just… I wasn’t here for all of it. And you look so happy, Mr. Stark. You have an actual family. And I’m just… here.”

Peter’s vision is blurring.

“... you miss the life we had, right?” Tony whispers.

The teenager nods, trying to contain his sobs.

“Like the nights I spent at the Compound… the movies we watched together… that awesome, open view… all those big rooms… Happy, Rhodey, even Vision who didn’t always show up… When we built stuff together and we had all the bots with us, and when we couldn’t sleep we would just stargaze…” the more Peter talks, the more he breaks. “But now? Everything’s changed. A-And they’re not bad changes! ‘Cause this place here is nice, I-I love Morgan, I love Pepper, but it’s not the same and I feel like I–”

Tony has slowly scooted closer, still not touching Peter.

“... I came back wrong. I… I’m still the same sixteen-year-old from before, but somehow I’m not. You still grew up without me and it doesn’t feel right.”

The man is completely silent, but Peter can tell he’s listening, and every word that comes out of the boy must be killing him inside.

“You guys look so happy together, and with me here… I dunno, I feel like I’m ruining everything.”

“Peter…”

“... I ruined Morgan specifically.”

Tony frowns. “What do you mean?”

Peter freezes and swallows. Now he has to tell the truth.

“Mr. Stark, I… I did… I did something stupid. Something really stupid. The thing is, what happened last night… is that suddenly this dread will fill my gut and it’s like I’m”– he knows it’ll be awful to say –“I’m going to turn into dust at any moment.”

Tony’s tension rises even if he doesn’t say anything.

“And I usually just distract myself, and I can’t sleep anymore because what if I never wake up again?” Peter argues. “But then it happened again in the kitchen when you guys were having fun, and I rushed to the restroom before you noticed and I…”

He sighs deeply, clutching his own arm.

When he pulls up his sleeve, the cuts still look ugly. They don’t look any more healed. The sweater is probably making it worse.

Sensing the horror coming from Tony, Peter cries harder.

“M-Morgan saw this! She saw all of this, and I was so stupid, she’s just a child, she wasn’t supposed to know. S-She didn’t ask any questions but I know she probably wondered why I did this. She just wanted to make me feel better. And she can’t, and it’s not her fault. But what if she blames herself? I even told her to keep this a secret from you. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done this in the first place. I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark.”

As Peter sobs, quiet enough so Morgan and Pepper won’t hear it upstairs, he can sense Tony leaning closer. What is he going to do?

“... It’s not healing,” Tony observes.

“I-I don’t know why. It should’ve healed by now.”

“Hey, I can help my way. You don’t have to force yourself to feel pain.”

“B-But I did this to myself–”

“You don’t deserve it. You’re suffering, Pete. You did it because it made sense at that moment. But even if it wasn’t the best choice… you don’t have to beat yourself up for it.”

How is Tony not angry with him?

While he looks broken, he’s also determined.

“Alright, follow me, kid.”

Tony stands up and heads to the kitchen. He tells Peter to sit on a chair as he likely grabs a first-aid kit. He takes a piece of cotton and likely applies salina.

“You let me know if it burns, okay? I’ll do it slowly.”

Peter may wince, but it’s quite familiar. He used to get hurt pretty often as a kid. Guess that hasn’t changed since.

“After this, you should change into something more comfortable. That sweater isn’t doing good for you.”

“I didn’t want to take it off because you made it.”

“I’m not going to get mad over a sweater, kid. If it’s bothering you, then you don’t have to keep wearing it.”

While saying all of this, Tony’s entire focus is on his arms.

Peter realizes something and tears up again. Some tears might fall.

“Does it hurt?” His mentor asks, concerned he might be making things worse.

“N-No, no, it’s just… I-I don’t remember the last time… we had this.”

I don’t remember the last time you took care of me like this.

Definitely five years ago. Those late nights where Peter came from a bad patrol and Tony had to treat him, along with the doctors he trusted to help Peter. But most of those nights, it was just mentor and mentee, both trying not to mess up but still messing up, and yet learning better.

Peter feels so childish for this. It’s like he hasn’t had parental affection in forever.

Tony chuckles sadly. “Yeah, me neither.”

He looks mournful.

Peter tries to be quiet.

“... I missed this, too.”

The teen looks at Tony, finally.

“I mean, obviously I don’t like that you’re hurt, it’s mostly… I do this all the time with Morgan. I would never trade her or this life here for anything. But in the back of my head… I miss our workshop too, buddy. I miss our sleepovers. Everything seemed so simple back then, right? And all these years, I always had you in my mind. When we bought this cabin… I made sure to have an extra room. Not a mere guest room, but a place for you.”

Tony has stopped treating Peter’s cuts for now, as they’re sharing a meaningful gaze.

“My family… Pepper, Morgan, Rhodey, and Happy were all here. But you weren’t. It never felt complete to me. To any of us, honestly. I didn’t want you to be forgotten. That’s why I told Morgan all about you. We still celebrated your past birthdays. I hoped you’d be here again so we could be together again.”

The hero’s eyes are filled with water.

“I’m glad you’re here with us, Pete. But I understand how you feel. You haven’t had the time to mourn what you lost. You just suddenly returned and all that life you knew was gone.”

Peter tenses. “I-I hope I’m not being ungrateful or anything–”

“No, you’re not. You’re right to feel sad.”

Tony stares at him for a while, until he resumes his job. Peter just watches him in the meantime, looking more exhausted. The boy replays all the things he said…

Somewhere in the back of his head, Peter always had the impression Tony didn’t miss him and would’ve probably been okay without him. And he only welcomed Peter again because Tony didn’t want to ignore him. Or he did it out of pity.

Now, Peter feels stupid for even feeling this way.

After drying his arms with the cotton, Tony seems to apply some ointment onto the injuries, slowly massaging Peter’s arms. Not a word is shared between them.

When the man is over, he sighs in relief.

“You should let them breathe now,” Tony tells him. “If they don’t get better in the morning, we’ll figure something out.”

Peter looks at the cuts, which are still red. At the very least, they’re not burning and itching like before.

“Thanks…” he mumbles.

“You want me to get you another sweater?”

“N-No, no… I'm not cold.”

Peter takes off the one he’s currently wearing, revealing an old t-shirt beneath. The kind that has science puns.

Tony takes the knit sweater for him, folding it neatly. Following that, he puts away the first-aid kit. Peter waits in the chair. Later, they return to the couch. This time, Peter is glued to Tony. The music has been lowered but it’s still there.

The teen, however, wants to cry again.

He knows he can’t change the past and that he has to accept it at one point. But it didn’t have to be this painful. There wasn’t any point. And while he may be with Tony now, Peter will never know if something will separate them again. He doesn’t want to deal with that again.

He can’t stop thinking about it.

Tony, of course, notices. With his arm wrapped around Peter, he rubs the latter’s up and down.

“It’s okay, buddy. You can let it out.”

That way, he cries what is still repressed inside him. Tony allows him, making sure Peter doesn’t cry alone.

Eventually, Peter is lying his head on Tony’s lap, the latter smoothing the former’s hair. Peter has relaxed significantly, though knowing that anxiety is going to bite him back later. In fact, he’s already wondering what time it is. He assumes it must be late.

Tony senses it. “It’s alright, kid. No rush.”

“You should go to bed…”

“I’m not sleepy. Are you?”

“Not really. There’s too much in my head.”

“Same here.”

Peter doesn’t want to be selfish and take Tony down with him, but he figures that’s not true. Tony Stark can do whatever he wants.

“You want to stay like this?” The man asks. “Or maybe we could watch something. Your choice.”

“Hmm… maybe.”

Tony snorts as Peter melts in the touch.

“You really needed this, huh?”

“Yeah…”

Peter faintly hears a remote and the TV speaking at a lower volume. He supposes Tony turned off the music for good. Some goofy cartoon might be airing judging by the noises. Tony switches channels for a bit. Meanwhile, he keeps running his fingers through Peter’s curls, not losing any concentration.

If he’s not mistaken, Tony might have put Finding Nemo. Which they already watched years ago. And it’s right on the scene where Marlin finds the only remaining egg from the barracuda attack.

The soundtrack for this movie is nice.

As well as Marlin’s reassurances and Tony’s presence.

Those two aren’t too different from each other, honestly.

Peter doesn’t actually see the movie now, but he hears the whole plot. He remembers it well.

His eyes are closed.

It’s only the movie, Peter and Tony.

It’s just them again.

Even if everything else has changed… that at least hasn’t.

Peter is home.

He finally feels home.

When he wakes up again, he realizes Tony has lied them both down on the couch. And the man is snoring.

Honestly, as loud as it is, Peter doesn’t mind it.

He just falls asleep once more.

Eventually, Morgan joins them, lying on top of Peter.

Pepper might take pictures.

And Tony complains he’s being crushed.

Peter’s cuts have gotten better. They haven’t quite disappeared, but they’re not red anymore.

As he eats breakfast with Tony, Pepper, and Morgan… Peter realizes he’ll be okay. And sometimes he won’t be okay. But he’ll get through.

#lotus speaks #irondad #ironfam #fics #my fics #self-harm tw #self harm tw #sh tw #death mention tw #grief tw #anxiety attack tw #vent fic #suicide mention tw #(in the song lyrics)

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petersbaby · 2 years ago

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This is rough, probably the most triggering thing I’ll ever post. It’s very emo, very dramatic, very stupid but I digress. This sucks but I wanted to get it off my mind. It’s probably best to skip this one

TW SEWERSLIDE TW SH TW DRUGS ANGSTY AND SAD, POTENTIALLY UPSETTING CONTENT ‼️

Eddie x su!c!dal reader

“Hey, eds, I love you and I’m so sorry.” You weakly said into the phone.

“I love you too but wait-“ the receiver clicks.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” He scrambles to throw on a jacket and shoes and stumbles out the door. He jumps in his van and prays it doesn’t go dead this time, because it was a life or death situation. Thankfully, it turned over right away and he started to speed to your house.

The front door was unlocked, but nobody in the driveway so you were definitely there alone. He enters, and starts calling out your name growing more and more desperate each time. He checks your room first, no sign of you. He starts to freak out, he looks down the hall where the bathroom door is closed with the lights on. “Oh fuck.” He goes to try the doorknob but it was locked. “Hey, let me in. Please fucking let me in.”

You heard him faintly, but couldn’t really move or speak, so you stayed on the cool bathroom tile floor. Outside the door, he fumbled with his wallet, digging out an old gift card and starting to unlock the door. The knob clicks open and the door swings in on you. He finds you in the corner, balled up and spaced out.

“Hey hey hey, what the fuck did you do?”

You just start crying. You failed and now he was mad at you.

“Pl-please don’t yell at me..” you slurred, with fear and upset in your voice

“Okay no I wasn’t trying to, I need to know what you did. Let me see your arms.” He grabs your wrists, pushing up the sleeves of your sweater. There were some cuts from a few days prior, nothing recent.

“Hello? Can you tell me? Please tell me.” He scans the room, finding 3 empty medicine bottles lying next to the trash can. He grabs them, frantically trying to assess the situation. One was just a higher than average dose of ibuprofen. One was fluoxetine, your antidepressants. The last was something he did not recognize and it wasn’t your name on the bottle.

“What were these? Who’s were these?” He shows the bottle to you.

“I-dunno, found em in the cabinet…”

“Okay, shit. You’re not gonna die but I do need you to throw up.”

“Please let me. It could still work, I wanna leave.” You beg him desperately.

“You can’t fucking leave, okay??” He shouts, and you flinch. “Now come here.” He grabs you from under your arms and tries to maneuver you to the toilet.

“Please try. The quicker the better, try to get it out.” He asks, as he slides the hair tie off your wrist to messily put your hair back.

“You won’t FUCKING TRY.” He’s just so scared. He gets closer and puts two fingers in your mouth harshly, hitting the back of your throat and making you gag. He does this a few times before you start to finally show signs of being close to vomiting. Eventually, you start to throw up right as he removes his fingers to get them out of the way. You continue, esophagus burning and tears streaming down your face.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, keep going. I know there’s more.” There was, and once you had nothing left in you, you weakly fell backwards, almost hitting your head on the wall. “Umm, shit, stay here.” He runs to the kitchen to get a glass, filling it up with sink water and then handing it to you.

“Drink it, please, for me.” You still had not stopped crying, so upset that you failed again and that you just ruined your friendship with Eddie forever. Not only that, but you probably scarred him for life. You do your best to drink between sobs. He sits in the floor next to you and pulls your body to him, holding you with his arms around you. He pets your messy hair, getting the sweaty strands off of your forehead.

“I’m so tired.” You murmur against his chest.

“I know.”

He doesn’t know if you mean literally or mentally, but either way, he understands.

About an hour later, he helps you to your bed and sits on it with you.

“You’re gonna tell, aren’t you? I’m gonna get sent away.” You say, staring blankly into the distance.

“I know you don’t want to get sent away, trust me, I don’t want you to either. I’m gonna have to talk to your mom, okay, and we’re gonna figure out what’s best to do for you.

“Okay.” You confirm, defeated.

“God, just- just let me appreciate the fact you’re still alive. I’m so glad you didn’t take more than you did. You scared the fuck out of me.”

“I’m sorry. We’re not- I know we’re not friends anymore” you say, having already accepted that. You fucked up really bad and there was no coming back from it.

“What? You don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” His expression is hurt.

“No, you.”

“Me… me what?”

“You,” you slur, pointing at him, “you hate me after this. If you don’t already, you will. I promise you will.”

“No, no, I could never hate you. Never. I’m not mad at you. You’re hurt, you’re just hurting and that’s not your fault.”

You start to cry.

“Do you mean that?”

“Yeah, of course. I mean it.”

“You aren’t gonna leave like everyone else?”

“No, I’m not leaving.”

“I love you,” you say meekly between sniffles.

“I love you too. I’m gonna go see if you have anything to eat, okay? You need to eat, soak up any shit that’s still in your stomach.”

“Okay.”

You drift away to sleep as soon as he steps out the door.

#eddie munson imagine #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic

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oceanwithinsblog · 2 years ago

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ok nobody asked for this but let me present you

✨my personal evaluation of each eurovision 2023 entry✨

where should i begin? i've decided to quickly comment this year's participating songs !! these are all personal opinions so don't take them too seriously ! hope you enjoy this sh!tpost of mine and, most importantly, happy eurovision grand finale day to all those who celebrate !! 💙💛

a quick legend: ❌ = song i don't like | ✅ = song i enjoy | ♾️ = song i have on loop (and is therefore among my faves)

as for the order of the songs, i'm using the eurovision 2023 playlist on spotify ^^

tell me more (turalturanx) ✅

this song is very simple and cute imo, still i'm not surprised it didn't make it to the final

aijā (sudden lights) ✅

this song is soooo good once you listen to it a couple times !! they were robbed, i really wished for them to qualify :((

we are one (wild youth) ❌

honestly? no. this doesn't quite do it for me. plus their staging was pretty awful during the 1st semi so yeah ... hopefully ireland will do better next year !

dance (our own party) (the busker) ✅

can i be totally honest ???? I DO NOT UDNERSTAND HOW IN THE EUROVISION THEY DIDN'T GET THROUGH THE FIRST SEMI I WAS AND STILL AM IN AWE WTH i have to admit the song didn't really catch my attention the first time i listened to it on spotify, but the performance they did on tuesday night left me speechless. so much fun ! so much color ! so much dinamicity ! plus those references to michael jackson the king of pop ! not my fave entry but they deserved to take part to the finale imo :(<3

burning daylight (mia nicolai, dion cooper) ✅

this song is actually pretty good to hear on earphones (on spotify), the chorus got stuck into my mind for days lol but after watching their performance i do agree with the televote - the live singing wasn't really nice. unrelated but the netherlands should try singing in their native language more often at eurovision !!!

like an animal (piqued jacks) ❌

i'm sorry fellow italian compatriots but i don't vibe with this song ... you tried and did your best on the thursday night tho !! kudos to you and good luck for your future ^^

d.g.t. (off and on) (theodor andrei) ❌

romania ... what happened to you ... don't tell me that hola mi bebebe was your peak at eurovision .... i don't wanna believe it .... but this whole song and performance really isn't it ... deeply unsettling for me

what they say (victor vernicos) ❌

greece ! i don't really know what to say about this, the guy has a nice voice but the song just doesn't work for me. i'm sad he didn't qualify 'cause he was very excited (and you could easily see it during his performance) but i think it didn't qualify for the best..

breaking my heart (riley) ✅

might come off as a surprise but i do enjoy listening to this song from time to time (on spotify) ! this boy is a personification of tiktok and that scares me ngl but i think the song itself is catchy. surely not suited for eurovision tho. the live version of breaking my heart loses all its catchiness but it's ok he tried

echo (iru) ✅

WHAT ! A ! VOICE ! iru's tone is so powerful and beautiful to listen to !! too bad i can't understand a word she is singing :// i was actually rooting for her to qualify on thursday but apparently european are deaf lol

power (diljá) ✅

i genuinely like the song and i think she has a great voice ! the performance at the second semi wasn't even close to one worth of qualification tho :( she was left alone on the stage and it felt pretty empty imo :( she's the cutest tho <3

mama šč! (let 3) ✅

OH MY LORD !!!!!! THIS IS MADNESS !!! THIS IS EUROVISION !!! HEAVILY POLITICAL LYRICS FIREWORKS COLORFUL CLOTHES THOUSANDS LIGHTS SCREAMING TRACTORS SILLY COSTUMES HIGH HEELS HEAVY MAKE-UP ROCKETS GO CROATIA FEED US

ps. i wrote that i enjoy the song - which i do - but i never listen to it on spotify honestly

blood & glitter (lord of the lost) ✅

germany has finally submitted a good entry !! love the alt rock vibes !! still no idea what the live performance looks like but i feel pretty good knowing these guys have a lot of fun on stage ^^

bridges (alika) ✅ ♾️

she's like a goddess ... vocals are super on point !! i'm kinda rooting for her, the staging is very nice, simple and neat. love the details !! go estonia !!

because of you (gustaph) ✅ ♾️

OMG PLEASE I'M LOVING THIS !! the live performance is even better than the studio version imo; the stage presence, the '90s vibes, the VOGUEING, the back up vocals, the dancer EVERYTHING IS SO ON POINT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT totally my cup of tea <3 GO BELGIUM !!!

eaea (blanca paloma) ✅

it took me a few listens to really get the vibes and the lyrics, but i have to say i love this entry ! most importantly i love that spain is always doing spain ! vamos blanca ! love the union of traditional and modern elements into this, i hope it does well in the final ^^

break a broken heart (andrew lambrou) ❌

big no for me. any straight man singing about heartbreak is a big no for me. we don't care. ok, yk, you have a nice voice mr. lambrou, i'll give you that, but you shouldn't have gotten to the final imo. no hard feelings. plus wearing a tuxedo and singing on stage shoeless ??? ugh.

promise (voyager) ✅ ♾️

hell yeah !! aussies doing rock'n'roll and showing up on stage in a random car are also my thing !! they understood the assignment and i'm glad they did. can't wait to watch their performance again tonight !! kinda rooting for them ^^

ai coração (mimicat) ✅

again, kudos to portugal for always being portugal and bringing such gems to eurovision. i like this one. i don't listen to it often, but i for sure enjoy it when i do ! wishing her the best for tonight's finale !!

samo mi se spava (luke black) ✅

it took me a while to appreciate this song ngl ... luke gives an incredible performance on stage tbh, i'm happy he qualified for the final. plus singing in your native language and naming yourself after the dead serbian music panorama are big reasons to give you bonus points. slay king !!

due vite (marco mengoni) ✅ ♾️

i might be biased (i'm italian after all) but i love this song. i relate to this song. a lot. marco's voice is sublime imo, i'm so very glad he is representing our country in liverpool. <3 tbh i actually can't wait to see what he prepared for the finale !!!! i have really high expectations but i know he's gonna leave me awestruck <3 vai marchettooooo <3

stay (monika linkyte) ✅ ♾️

my lithuanian queen !!!!!!! love the song ! love the live vocals ! love the lyrics ! love the orange themed performance ! love the interactions with the back up singers ! totally 10/10 for me. sending her a big hug !

duje (albina and kelmendi familja) ❌

i don't know how to feel about this song. i personally don't get the hype. it's very albanian and very traditional and i appreciate it a lot, but i can't quite come to like the final product :(

watergun (remo forrer) ❌

sort of the same scenario 've already described for greece, he's got a nice voice but the song isn't right. plus it's a bit funny to hear a swiss guy saying he doesn't want to be a soldier ....

solo (blanka) ❌

poland is another big no, rigged. rigged. rigged. if anybody asks me, poland didn't participate to eurovision in 2023. shoutout to jann, i hope you're having a wonderful day <3

carpe diem (joker out) ❌

very much appreciating their outfit and vitality and sort of silly joyous queer vibes, but i personally can't come to like the song. still, i'm glad they made it to the final ^^

soarele si luna (pasha parfeni) ✅ ♾️

moldova has me clapping and singing and dancing and trying to learn how to play the flute. 10/10 chef's kiss. constantly on loop. great job pasha and friends, i'm partially rooting for you tonight !!

future lover (brunette) ✅

very interesting song, from the lyrics to the musical structure, from the outfit to the staging. brunette's voice is lovely. i wish she had sung the entire song in armenian, but still - it's good!

unicorn (noa kirel) ❌

a total ... skip for me ! shouldn't have qualified for the final ! and as i keep saying for years, israel shouldn't be allowed to participate to eurovision anymore ! good bye.

my sister's crown (vesna) ✅

the song is great, the message is nice (if i understood it correctly) but the whole pink outfits don't match any element of the performance. still, a nice entry for czechia !

#eurovision 2023 #esc 2023 #4771

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chaoticookie · 2 years ago

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Ok, so hear me out.

Once Bruno returns, despite being on their 40-50s, the triplets decide to play what they used to play the most when they were young: pretend to be each other.

The most hilarious part is that they don't even look like each other but when young, were convinced they were identicals.

So, it goes like this:

Julieta, pretending to be Pepa: oh my, I better smile so the skies can be clear!

Dolores: Tía Julieta?

Julieta: No, mi amor, is Mama!

Antonio, already in character: *launches himself onto Julieta* Mamá!!

Camilo: I'd beat everyone in this game. Why can't I be a triplet?

Pepa and Bruno: okay, twenty points to Julieta.

Bruno as Julieta: MIRA!!!

Mirabel: QUÉ PASA TÍO?

Bruno: Mi hija, quieres ayudar a tu mamá?

Mirabel glances him from head to toe and grasps the situation: Sure.

Minutes latter:

Agustín: mi amor I just need to know HOW did you BURN the WATER?

Bruno and Mirabel: WE DON'T KNOW *sobs*

Pepa: Ok, Bruno gets-

Julieta: *already making arepas to heal the three burned idiots* One.

Pepa as Bruno with four rats on her hair: BOOOH!

Camilo, that little bastard: AAAAAAH! SEVEN FOOT FRAME AND RATS ALONG HIS BACK?!?!?!? HELP SOMEONE PLEASE!!!!

Bruno:

Julieta: pff-

Bruno: *glares*

Julieta:

Bruno: That's it. Round two.

Round 2 goes:

Bruno, as Pepa: Oh my I am so happy and joyful, look at these clear skies! *the rats jump from his hand dressed in rainbows, one as a sun, and others as white clouds.

Dolores: Mamá, mamá, Camilo pretended to be Mariano and told me I am ugly!

Bruno: what?!?!? *throws the rats now dressed as black clouds and thunder*

Bruno: I AM SO MAD! BOOM! BOOM! ZAP ZAP! CHOOOOOOOOOOO (sound of rain)

Pepa:

Julieta: look he isn't wrong-

Pepa: this little sh-

Pepa, as Julieta, but afraid to attempt to cook after Bruno's disaster: *preparing sandwiches*

Pepa: Isabela! Luisa! Mirabel! Let's have a bonding moment and talk about our feelings!!

Luisa: I'm sad.

Pepa: we know, dear.

Julieta:

Julieta: I'm not so condescending. And I don't talk about feelings all the time!

Bruno: pff- 20 points for Pepa.

Julieta: BETRAYAL?!

Julieta as Bruno: *knocks at Abuela's door* Mamá?

Abuela: Sí, Jul- I mean, Brunito?

Julieta: I am in need of validation and comfort because of my loneliness.

Bruno, hidden: oh, she wouldnt

Julieta: I am also very self counscious about returning.

Abuela, grabing "Bruno"'s face and kissing his cheeks: Oh, Brunito, I'm so sorry. I love you.

Bruno:

Pepa:

Pepa: *hugs Bruno*

Pepa: she still gets 10 points tho.

love a good hair swap

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justvent314 · 3 months ago

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Tw: idk don’t read it if you don’t want to get triggered? SH ig

I feel like I’m just dancing on a fucking edge man, like nothings ever real for me. I cut myself but not like girls in our school who actually cut themselves, I don’t have an eating disorder but I get so fucking happy when that number on the scale drops, I’m at 98 pounds and I’m scared to go over 105, but I’m not starving myself nor throwing up, even if I try attempts are always short lived. I don’t really want to die but I can’t bring myself to throw away my old prescription because what if I want a way out, I love my mother and she doesn’t hurt me physically nor mentally like yours does but she never really knows how to react, she says ‘I want you to stop cutting yourself’ not like she’s truly sad, but like this is a teenage thing that just frustrated her, similar to ‘I want you to stop drawing on your arms’ like you think I fucking want to do this? That I wake up with the intent to make her mad, at this point if I attempt and survive I think she’d be more disappointed than sad. I’m not ‘gifted’ but I’m not dumb either, I know I’m intelligent but I can’t seem to bring myself to put any effort into anything, I can’t call it burnout because when have I ever even tried? I’m not hardworking like Rhea, or naturally smart like any of you, I’m not dedicated like Rahaf either, shit I honestly don’t know what I’m good at, I know random useless shit and I feel like I can’t change anything in the world. I like to pretend I have a plan, ‘be a psychology professor’ but honestly I don’t know if I’ll make it that far, hell a plan is all I have bro, without it. What am I? Mediocre, a 13 year old girl toeing the line between ‘brilliant’ and average, unable to ‘apply herself’ All in all I’m just glued to a line, but no matter how bad I want to let go, how fucking bad I want to suffer, and let everyone know, how I want to burn, and make everyone see who the hell I am, how I want to relish in their fucking disappointment, to truly give up, I can’t bring myself to do so. I can’t bring myself to try either honestly, I’m just second in all I do, never enough to fall into a category, good or bad

#Vent #personal vent #vent post

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holorform · 5 months ago

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Sibling's Love.

A door slowly closed as to not alert anyone inside his home and tip toeing his way to his room upstairs. "Now what were you doing outside, little man? Or should I call you: little woman?" A voice stopped his track, he look over to his shoulder and saw his older brother standing behind him, looming his smaller figure. His single eye that inherited their mother is looking down at him. He was tall like their father, about 8 feet high and Teviallio needed to crane his head high to look at his brother. "!ʎoq ɐ ɯ'I ʅɹᴉᵷ ɐ ʇou ɯ'I" He sighed and crossed his arm over his chest. "We all know that your a girl, Teviallia. Your mind is just telling you that your a boy."

"!ʎoq ɐ ɯɐ I ʇnꓭ" Turning around fully to face him with that emoticon of sadness as he stomp his way back downstairs to be in front of him, clearly upset. His brother look down and sighs "Listen, you've been out there recently, don't know why you did that and you only come home at night almost bed time! You could've been kidnapped or something worse could happen to you, your a girl remember that."

"--ƚuᙠ"

"No buts"

"!uɐǝɯ os ɹno⅄"

He ran upstairs as he yell those words to his brother, crying. "Wait Tev I didn't mean it!--" The tall TV man then hears a door shut, he admitted he is mad that his little sister came home late. But he just need to remind her that she's a girl not a boy, she's been going out lately. He remembered she was not always like that, not an outdoor person but an indoor person. And he also noticed she's been avoiding him and their father as best as she could do. She really did changed after what happened to their mother...

After their father killed mother....

He shook his head, he shouldn't be thinking that incident years ago. He walk upstairs and head towards to his sister's room, due to his height he crouched down to knock on the door lightly. No response. He knocked again but he was met with silence, he lean his head on a door and says. "Teviallia, it's me. I wanted to apologize for what I said to you."

"...."

Still, no response from his little sister. "I didn't mean it, I was just worried when you weren't coming home. You've been coming home lately than normal, you weren't always like that. And I thought you were kidnapped or-- or worse! Killed..."

"...." Once again, he was greeted with silence. He sighed as he lean away from the door and stood up. "I understand that you don't want to talk to me... Please remember that I still always love you." With that, he walked away from her room. Giving her some space, and maybe she'll come out from her room and talk to him again like they always do before the incident.

He was right. He's not a boy, he's a girl. It was a harsh truth. But she wanted to be a boy rather than to be a girl. She wanted to be with Tâe forever, but she remembers the rules in Porcelain Kingdom where Tâe lives. A man can marry a woman, but a woman can not marry the same gender. It is impossible to bear a children when both individuals are the same genders.

If she confessed to her, then she'll immediately rejected her because of their rules. She will never have a chance, nor have a future with just the two of them. It was sad, really. Or one should say, cruel reality.

And if-- ah... She's over thinking again. Her small figure curled up into a fetus position as she wrapped her arms to herself like hugging by just herself. She needed a distraction to push those thoughts away. She sat up and slid off the bed, opening a drawer near bedside, she grabbed a headphones and closed the small drawer. She then picked up her phone underneath the bed and turned it on if it is still in full battery, she put out her headphones on and connected it with her phone's Bluetooth.

"Bluetooth connected." After hearing that monotonous voice she immediately scrolled her phone for a perfect music that could sooth her down. And she picked a song called 'A burning memory.' the music sounded old but that's what makes her like it.

Approaching her desk, she pulled the chair and sat down as she lean both of her arms on the table. The music is slowly putting her at ease. Her mood had lighten so she grabbed her sketch pad, pencils, and an eraser from her drawer and begin to draw on what's forming on to her mind. Let her hands control on it owns.

Teviallio-- I mean Teviallia's brother was in his room, sitting down on his desk as he holds a picture of him and his little sibling. If only their mother is still here, none of these would've happened. Tev wouldn't be avoiding him and father every day. Avoiding them like a plague... it hurts, his chest ached when seeing his only sibling avoiding-- ignoring him every day..! If only father did not kill her, then Tev would have been happy like always, not upset like now.

Three days ago, he purposely pretended he was busy with something so father could ask Teviallia. He did that for a reason, he saw how father was pretending like he wasn't hurt by her actions, always avoiding him like a plague. But on the inside, he is in pain-- no, in guilt. Guilty because of what he did, and he should be. He was the reason why she is like this, and the reason why she avoided them both.

When father tried to approach her, she ran away from him. When he tried to make a small talk to her, she stayed silent and did not spoke a single word. That's why he lies about being busy so father could have time with Teviallia. He knows that father wanted to bond with her again after an incident years ago…

The same goes for him too, he wanted to bond with her again and not avoid him like when they were first introduce to each other.

He still remembers how they met, how she had black tv before painting herself to a baby blue colour. He also remembered how Skittish she was when seeing him because of his height that loomed over her small figure, how scared she was when his near. He remembered every detail.

So it is sad to see the progress he did all years ago to gain her trust only for it to be broken to a million of pieces when an incident had happened.

And he wished it never happened.

The image inside the picture he is holding:

#backrooms #liminal reality #weirdcore art 📺#weirdcore #Art is created by me originally.#Warning: angst #What an interesting drama.#Wonder what will happen next.#Chapter Eighth: Past Incident #Weirdcore #liminal spaces #liminal

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geekbarprincess · 6 months ago

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I have a normal relationship with food and my perception of myself

Ever since I was young my dad was weird about food. I mean, when I was really young he was in the army and not home so I don’t even know. But then as I got older he eventually got fired for not being fit enough (I think?). After that he lowkey went crazy. Well, no. This man was crazy from the start. But he went more crazy. This time it was about food.

I remember in elementary school coming home from what felt like a long day, but what was probably just a ‘long day’ of learning multiplication. Whatever. I had math hw to do and I knew it would end with my dad yelling at me and me crying. My thought was “I should eat a snack BEFORE hw so that when dad makes me cry I can just go to my room and go to bed.” It was a rule to ask for food before you ate anything. I always thought it was normal to have to ask before you ate anything. Honestly I’m still not convinced that it’s not normal. I mean it does kinda make sense. If ur kid wants to eat a bunch of junk, they should ask so if it’s around dinner or smth you can tell them no so they’ll have room for dinner. But I had to ask before literally anything. If I hadn’t eaten in 3 days and I was starving, and I went to get something without asking, my dad would freak out.

I remember one time in 9th grade after my parents broke up. I was alone at my dad’s. My dad’s car pulled into the driveway while I was cooking ramen. I hadn’t asked to eat the ramen. I immediately freaked out. Thankfully I didn’t put the noodles in yet. I had only boiled the water. I was so scared my dad would get pissed at me for making something without asking. I was doing online school at the time and he was at work. I hadn’t eaten anything yet that day. It was like 5 pm. I just wanted ramen but I got so scared that he was going to yell at me about it. I got scared I was going to make him mad, and I don’t like being around angry men. He is the reason for that. My first thought was to get rid of the water and put the pot away and take the noodles to my room to eat dry. I picked up the pot, but too fast apparently, because it splashed the boiling water on the side of my lower stomach. It hurt so bad. I was crying. I didn’t want my dad to know. I went to my room crying and put ointment on the burn. I ate the dry ramen noodles.

I guess that’s just some backstory of part of why my relationship with food is weird. Here’s another part of it- I’ve felt fat for my whole life, but I’ve only BEEN fat for a year or 2. When I was in middle school I weighed around 110 lbs. I felt so insecure and big. I wanted to be less than 100. I wanted to be skinny. I started restricting, counting calories, fasting, and purging. I was cutting myself a lot too. I was just doing really bad. I was heavy into sh and ed instagram. I was literally 12. That’s so sad. Thinking about it being me isn’t sad, but like if it was any other 12 year old I would feel awful for them. Whatever though. So my disordered eating behaviors started around 2018/2019.

It got worse again in 9th grade. I was dating a girl who would constantly talk about how she hadn’t eaten in days and how skinny she was getting. I was jealous. I was super skinny at the time, but not good enough. I weighed about the same until the end of 10th grade. Or like the start of 11th grade. I started meds and I gained weight. I’m genuinely convinced the meds are what made me gain weight because I didn’t change my eating habits. It makes me so sad to know that if I never started these stupid fucking meds that don’t even work, I would still be skinny. Maybe. I honestly don’t know. It’s a hunch. Whatever

I’m now 170 something and I hate myself. I have a tummy, which I even had when I was skinny, but obviously it’s bigger now. I hate it. I started going to the gym w my fwb but we stopped talking because I got back w my ex (I mean it’s a W bc I have the love of my life but an L because I lost gym buddy). But ig the perk is, I got boobs. I don’t really know if it’s completely a perk. I mean I kinda like them and they’re really soft. Also I got my nipples pierced and it’s sick asf. If I didn’t have boobs it would look more weird. Whatever. My point is, I used to have a really skinny waist. I’ve never had hips, but I at least was skinny. Now I have no hips, no ass, and I’m fat asf. I hate myself so much.

I’ve been eating so much less lately. I mean when I do eat, I usually eat more calories. But I don’t eat more than a meal a day. I’m trying to cut down to nothing. I’m fasting right now. I’ve decided to go until tomorrow, I mean basically the day after tomorrow. I got a cute little app. I hope that I don’t fold. I don’t have money to be ordering anything and there’s nothing I desperately want here at my house, so I will probably do fine. As long as I drink a lot of water it should be fine. I hardly get hungry anymore. Idk what it is, but I’m really glad. I love it. I’m not losing weight yet because this started fairly recently and I don’t have a scale to know how much I weigh. But I can definitely notice the difference in how much I’m eating and I’m really proud.

This isn’t like…. And Edtumblr account.. I just felt like since nobody will find my page this is an okay place to talk about it. Idk. I mean it went on forever lol nobody would read this all.

Something else that kind of contributes to my issues in this department is that the love of my life also had food problems. He used to/maybe still does, maybe fast and purge, and occasionally work out. It makes me really sad to think about it, but also it feels like competition ? I know that’s an awful thing to say, that you view your romantic partner as competition. But I just felt if he was going to lose weight then why wasn’t I going to? I felt fat. And then after him I did talk to a couple gym bros and they also made me more self conscious about eating and working out. Whatever. I just felt like that part was an important contributor.

I don’t really have much else to say and I don’t know how to end this. More recently I’ve been an observer on edtwt…I just look at thinspo and save weight loss tips. I don’t post anything, god no. Also more recently, as I previously mentioned, I’ve had less appetite lately. I don’t know the reason for that. Maybe it’s because I feel so fucking depressed and suicidal. Literally all I want is to fucking die. I try not to think about it but it’s bad right now. Ermmm LOL sorry for turning emo right there. Anyways, my point is that I have less appetite and GOD BLESS THAT….

Seeing my psychiatrist today! Wish me luck

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galindathrop · 2 years ago

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Eras Tour Setlist and Surprise Songs (as of May 23, 2023)

Taylor Swift

Tim McGraw - March 17

Picture to Burn

Teardrops on My Guitar - May 5

A Place in this World - April 22

Cold as You - April 23

The Outside

Tied Together with a Smile

Stay Beautiful

Should’ve Said No - May 19

Mary’s Song

Our Song - March 24

I’m Only Me When I’m with You

Invisible - May 20

A Perfectly Good Heart

Fearless (Taylor’s Version)

Fearless

Fifteen - May 6

Love Story

Hey Stephen - May 14

White Horse - March 25

You Belong With Me

Breathe (feat. Colbie Callait)

Tell Me Why

You’re Not Sorry - April 21

The Way I Loved You

Forever & Always - May 13

The Best Day - May 14

Change

Jump Then Fall - April 2

Untouchable

Come In with the Rain

Superstar

The Other Side of the Door - April 28

Today Was a Fairytale - April 22

You All Over Me (feat. Maureen Morris)

Mr. Perfectly Fine

We Were Happy

That’s When (feat. Keith Urban)

Don’t You

Bye Bye Baby

Speak Now - Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) was announced on May 5. Coming on July 7th, 2023.

Mine - May 7

Sparks Fly - May 5

Back to December

Speak Now - April 13

Dear John

Mean - April 15

The Story of Us

Never Grow Up

Enchanted

Better than Revenge

Innocent

Haunted

Last Kiss

Long Live

Ours - March 31

If This Was a Movie

Superman

Red (Taylor’s Version)

State of Grace - March 18

Red - May 21 (Performed on Guitar instead of Piano due to rain damage from May 20)

Treacherous - April 13

I Knew You Were Trouble

I Almost Do

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Stay Stay Stay

The Last Time (featuring Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol)

Holy Ground

Sad Beautiful Tragic - March 31

The Lucky One - April 2

Everything Has Changed (featuring Ed Sheeran)

Starlight

Begin Again - April 23

The Moment I Knew

Come Back… Be Here - May 12

Girl at Home

Ronan

Better Man - May 19

Nothing New (featuring Phoebe Bridgers)(added to the setlist on May 5, only to be performed when Phoebe Bridgers is one of the opening acts.)

Babe

Message in a Bottle

I Bet You Think About Me (featuring Chris Stapleton) - April 30

Forever Winter

Run (featuring Ed Sheeran)

The Very First Night

All Too Well (10 Minute Version)

1989

Welcome to New York

Blank Space

Style

Out of the Woods - May 6

All You Had to Do Was Stay

Shake It Off

I Wish You Would

Bad Blood

Wildest Dreams

How You Get the Girl - April 30

This Love - May 13

I Know Places

Clean - April 1

Wonderland - April 21

You Are in Love

New Romantics

Reputation

…Ready for It?

End Game (featuring Ed Sheeran and Future)

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

Delicate

Look What You Made Me Do

So It Goes…

Gorgeous - April 29

Getaway Car

King of My Heart

Dancing with Our Hands Tied

Dress

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Call It What You Want

New Year’s Day

Lover

Forgot That You Existed

Cruel Summer

Lover

The Man

The Archer

I Think He Knows - May 21

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince

Paper Rings

Cornelia Street

Death by a Thousand Cuts - April 1

London Boy

Soon You’ll Get Better (featuring The Chicks)

False God

You Need to Calm Down

Afterglow

Me! (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco)

It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Daylight

Folklore

The 1 (era opener as of March 31)

Cardigan

The Last Great American Dynasty

Exile (featuring Bon Iver)

My Tears Ricochet

Mirrorball - March 17

Seven (spoken)

August

This Is Me Trying - March 18

Illicit Affairs (era opener on May 5)

Invisible String

Mad Woman (w/ Aaron Dessner) - April 15

Epiphany

Betty

Peace

Hoax

The Lakes

Evermore

Willow

Champagne Problems

Gold Rush - May 12

‘Tis the Damn Season

Tolerate It

No Body, No Crime (feat. Haim)

Happiness

Dorothea

Coney Island (feat. the National) - April 28

Ivy

Cowboy Like Me (w/ special guest Marcus Mumford) - March 25

Long Story Short

Marjorie

Closure

Evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

Right Where You Left Me

It’s Time to Go

Midnights

Lavender Haze

Maroon

Anti-Hero

Snow on the Beach (feat. Lana Del Rey) - March 24

You’re on Your Own, Kid - April 14

Midnight Rain

Question…? - May 20

Vigilante Shit

Bejeweled

Labyrinth

Karma

Sweet Nothing

Mastermind

The Great War (w/ Aaron Dessner) - April 14

Bigger Than the Whole Sky

Paris

High Infidelity - April 29

Glitch

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve (w/ Aaron Dessner) - May 7

Dear Reader

Hits Different

#taylor swift #the eras tour #jessielynnposts

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mitchellwrites · 6 years ago

Photo

ADAM HAYWARD & DANIELA SANTOS | @kirkewrites

How do you make love stay? You don’t. You just ache. You just ache. // Haunted Heart

Send me “♔” for an aesthetic of our muses’ relationships.

#kirkewrites #sh: burning with love mad with sadness #c: daniela santos #opp: adam hayward #meme #mine #edit #i hope u enjoy :*

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absolutewhore101 · 2 years ago

Text

I'm Here When You're Ready

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x GN!Reader

Summary: Luke is there when you're ready to let it all out

Warnings: depiction/talk of mental health

Word Count: 800

Minors DNI

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The love you and Luke shared was nothing short of pure.

The light touches, the lingering stares, the soft words – it was innocent, the definition of love.

You could read each other easily. It was easy to tell when the other was having a rough day, when they needed a little help.

The only problem was, after years of practice, you got incredibly good at acting like everything was okay. Like you weren’t entirely breaking inside. Like you were fine.

Luke could see right through it. Right through the carefully constructed mask that fooled the rest of the world, right to your heart. It was very, very frustrating.

The look on your face immediately gave away how you were feeling. Your lips were slightly turned down, your brows furrowed just barely, but it was the look in your eyes that truly gave you away.

The look of desperation and hopelessness. The look of sadness and anxiety.

Luke knew that you had a hard enough time with him knowing how you felt, so it was easy to imagine how you would’ve felt about the rest of the boys knowing.

So he kept it to himself, waited until he could get you alone to ask what was bothering you so much, how he could help.

Your eyes followed Luke around the room, watching as his eyes flicked over to you every few seconds. You wished you could be mad that he knew, but you truly couldn’t. There was no feeling quite like someone knowing you enough that you didn’t have to say anything was wrong for them to know.

Ashton got up to go to the bathroom, leaving you, Luke, Mikey, and Calum in the room.

Mikey left to get food, leaving you, Luke, and Calum.

You were hoping that Calum would stay until one of the other boys returned. You knew Luke wouldn’t say anything in front of them, and you weren’t quite ready to talk yet.

Unfortunately, Calum got a phone call and left the room to take it, leaving you and Luke on your own.

You quickly pulled out your phone, busying yourself with scrolling through whatever app you clicked on first.

“Honey,” Luke started, making his way over to you, “do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” You answered shortly. Luke couldn’t say he was shocked by your answer or your tone. It was always a challenge to get you to talk about how you were feeling, even harder to do when you were upset.

He nodded, sitting down next to you. You leaned your head on his shoulder, enjoying the warmth he provided. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, bringing a smile to your face.

Ashton walked in, taking his seat back on your other side. You turned your body, kicking your legs up into his lap as you laid across Luke’s lap.

Luke’s hand immediately fell into your hair, Ashton’s resting across your shins as he allowed your legs to stay there.

A few hours later, you and Luke were finally alone for the night, and he could tell that whatever was on your mind was bothering you more than it was a few hours ago.

“If you still don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I’m here when you’re ready.” Luke told you as you were cleaning up the kitchen.

“I know.” You said, not turning from where you were.

He nodded, slightly hurt that you didn’t seem to trust him enough to talk to him.

His words were bouncing around in your head.

I’m here when you’re ready. I’m here when you’re ready. I’m here when you’re ready.

Tears burned at the back of your eyes, but you willed them not to fall. You finally turned around, and one look at Luke made it all spill out.

The thoughts plaguing you for the past week were finally out in the open, finally in Luke’s head just like they were in your own.

When you were finished, there was a few seconds of silence before Luke reached out to you, gently grabbing your shoulders and softly pulling you into his chest.

When you were firmly situated against him, he leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on your forehead.

Within seconds, you were broken down into heaving sobs, your entire body shaking as you finally let it out.

Luke held you, not saying anything, just rocking the two of you back and forth. You weren’t sure how long passed before your eyes were dry and your throat sore, but eventually you pulled back to look up at Luke.

“No one’s ever done that for me before.” You told him.

He smiled, squeezing your waist.

“I’ll always be here to do it for you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell me your thoughts! Thank you for reading :)

#luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos x reader #x reader #luke hemmings x y/n #luke hemmings fanfic #luke hemming imagines

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parchmentedpetrichor · 3 years ago

Text

➳all the king's men ♡ ☾

in which all the king's men couldn't put the pieces of y/n l/n together. we all have the days where we're insecure and broken, this is one of hers.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.8k

tw: insecurity, bullying

please if you are having overly harmful thoughts about yourself, talk to a friend or a professional. you are perfect the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

it's so sad that the best people tend to think the worst of themselves

all the king's men

y/n, for lack of a better description, was feeling like humpty dumpty. she had seen herself in the mirror last night, and felt positively traumatised. she had come back from a quidditch practice session, and the results were quite terrifying.

she didn't understand. quidditch made the guys more toned and even a few of her teammates had abs. what did it do to her? well, it made her shoulders broad, which she thought was highly unattractive to anyone, and not at all slim! sure, it was fun and kept her fit, but terribly horrible, in her opinion, in trying to fit in to the beautiful girls that went to hogwarts.

she admired angie johnson and cho chang and ginny. she really did. y/n knew how hard it was to be beautiful, and she liked when other people were so beautifully beautiful. it just made her feel terrible, because what was the chance of her keeping her boyfriend in fred weasley when fiercely pretty girls were dancing elegantly around her?

there wasn't any time to be mopey and sad, so she gathered all her books and immediately went to breakfast. she didn't even bother going over to fred and greeting him. she saw how happy he was laughing with george and lee. surely she wouldn't bother him. instead she plopped down next to alicia.

"you ok?" alicia spinnet asked her.

she nodded, "fine."

"you sure?"

"no."

"wanna talk about it?"

"do you think it's too early to get plastic surgery?" y/n joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"what the fuck, no. what's up?" alicia's eyes were lit with concern.

"i don't feel pretty," her voice was but a whisper.

alicia caught it.

"why? you're literally adorable."

"you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me that."

"hmm, nah, i truly believe it."

"well i don't," y/n said miserably.

"oi, l/n, your hair down today?" adrian pucey snarled, "it's gonna give me aids."

a few students snorted.

"you can get aids then. shut your mouth," y/n retorted back.

the whole school look startled. was this the same, prefect, goody-two-shoes y/n l/n?

adrian pucey opened his mouth.

"i said shut. your. mouth."

fred weasley watched in a mixture of furiousness and pride. he knew that pucey had a crush on y/n too. he was just terrible in expressing it. fred didn't like the way y/n's eyes sadly flitted to alicia afterwards. and she hadn't come up to him and given him a kiss today. maybe she just wanted a bit of space??

"see?" y/n sighed, "not even my hair is pretty." she tied it up.

alicia laughed, "adrian just wants your attention."

that made y/n laugh. "why? why?" it was a rhetorical question. she got up, and smiled at adrian in the most menacing way that he shrunk.

"miss l/n, your outburst was quite rude-" snape began.

"my apologies professor, of course, i was in the wrong. adrian pucey brought the topic surrounding my hair up, called it ugly. now what would you do if a student called your hair ugly?" y/n said, eyes burning with fury but conscience too good to lose her temper.

"i-i would give them a scolding."

"likewise. good day, professor."

"fucking hell, he is such a sh-" alicia muttered as she got up and followed y/n out to class.

"ali, that's enough," their retreating voices could be heard.

fred kept his eye on y/n through the day, giving her the space he thought she needed.

she looked very like her normal self, until she encountered pucey again.

"l/n, nice squinty eyes," pucey laughed.

y/n's shoulders sagged. her eyes dimmed and she let her ponytail fall in front of her face.

"ponytail won't fix them," he laughed meanly, "can they fix your dumpling body?"

fred frowned deeply, "fuck off, adrian," he angrily said, "that's my girlfriend you're talking to."

"oh, you have someone like weasley to save you? i don't even think you deserve him as a boyfriend."

y/n didn't answer, fearing that tears would spill out of her eyes. she had just been feeling worse and worse about herself. instead, when the bell signalled the end of classes, she hurried quickly off to wherever, trying to pull herself together.

she felt like she was at the bottom of the earth. her eyes finally let go of the tears that needed to be spilt. she leant sobbing against a stout tree in the forbidden forest, head slumped gloomily against the trunk, eyes trying to find anything, anything, that could be remotely comforting and hands fiddling nervously with the flowers that bloomed happily around her. her whole body shook in anxiety. she wished she had her mum or dad here to help her. but they were back at home.

how did fred love her?

she wished she didn't have stupid hair or squinty eyes or a dumpling body. but she couldn't ignore the mean, yet so true, remarks about her body adrian made. they were morally wrong and he deserved to be stabbed, but they were factual. she used to just laugh and joke about him too, but now she realised that maybe she should pay more attention to the way she eats and works and the way she talks and looks and presents herself and put more makeup on and-

fred found her crying there, by the little pond, shrinking away from the mere sight of her own appearance. he didn't get it.

well, he did, but he didn't know why such a beautiful girl like his girlfriend was crying.

"y/n?"

she flinched and stopped crying.

"sorry, i'll leave. i don't think you want a dumpling of a girlfriend sharing this nice space," she attempted to joke, but it fell short. she wasn't joking anymore. her tone was serious and genuine. the unexpected good nature pucey's remarks were received in usually was gone, and for good reason. it had broken her into the tiniest little pieces.

fred felt it. he felt his heart stop.

"is this about what pucey said to you, lovely?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek, and pulling her close to him.

she nodded, feeling immensely better already. the smell of him made her calm down insanely.

"so you don't want space?"

"n-no, i was just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"mhm?" he looked at her and waited.

"it's silly."

"well, it's got you crying, i don't think so."

"the stuff a-adrian says is true," her voice was quiet and small.

fred frowned.

"i'm not cute or elegant or even hot," she continued, "i-i'm not as pretty as anyone here."

"well, my little love, if my opinion even matters, you are stunning. i think you're the prettiest person in the world, both on skin and in here," he patted his own heart, "do you know how long i pined after you?"

"no?"

"i'm still pining after you, gorgeous."

"d-do you mean it when you say gorgeous?" her eyes were broken and teary.

"of course. it hurts me when you are upset. because you are gorgeous and much more because you are so nice and good to me and to everyone else too. pucey's a complete shithead and when i next see him i will bash his head in. i'm so sorry i didn't notice, love, i thought you were mad at me."

"no it's fine, i just don't understand. you're fred weasley. so many girl's want you and you-you choose...me?," a sad frown was etched on her face, her tone confused.

"y/n, you're my only choice. i don't want the other girls. i can see the appeal of you. i-i know i'm not the best with words like you, but i really care about you. i love you, i adore you, you're the bestest person i've ever met."

and he knows he's brought the happiness back in her. she giggled. he felt relieved, because he knew he wasn't good at all at comforting people and y/n was so special to him- why didn't he say that earlier to her?

"bestest isn't a word, freddie."

"well you get what i mean, right? you're really special to me," there it was.

she nodded slowly, a small smile forming on her lips as she kissed him on the lips, before snuggling closer to him.

"darling, wouldn't you rather go back to the castle to cuddle?"

hesitantly, she shook her head.

"why?"

"'drian's there."

"adrian cannot hurt you, okay? whatever he tells you is wrong. he's wrong," he gently says, pulling her close to him, "besides, if he does, i'm here, and you're strong."

"i just cried about it, i can't be strong."

"crying doesn't mean you're weak, darling, sometimes we all cry and that's okay."

y/n nodded.

"here, i brought this for you, maybe it's a comfort??" he blushed as he handed her his quidditch hoodie.

she grinned and put it on.

he couldn't stop blushing at the sight of her, so he tilted his face away to save himself the embarrassment.

noticing and mistaking his turned away head for disgust, y/n took the hoodie off, downcastedly handing it back to him.

"sorry," she gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as fred looked at her in confusion.

"y-you can have it back, yeah, there's no need to hide your shame, here, s-sorry," she stuttered out.

"shame?" he asked, looking worriedly down at her.

"mhm," she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "sorry."

he finally understood.

"angel, look at me."

she reluctantly looked up at him.

"i wasn't feeling disgusted at all. i-i was actually embarrassed because i was blushing," his cheeks heated up again, "like i probably am right now. you're too beautiful. i was blushing too much."

"oh."

"yeah. now put it back on," he demanded, as he cheekily tugged the jumper over her head, blushing again as he saw her standing there in his jumper.

"c'mon!" he said, carrying y/n's school bag as they made their way to the castle, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist and the bright gold letters on the back of his sweater shining for anyone and everyone to see.

they didn't see pucey, thank goodness and they ended up talking with george and katie bell and angie and alicia by the fire.

as y/n smiled and giggled with katie over something highly scandalous, fred had his eyes on her, not so much monitoring her, but he couldn't keep them off of her.

when he had noticed her words start to become short and slightly slurred by tiredness, he lead her back to her dormitory.

"feeling better princess?"

she nodded, "you're so good to me, freddie. i love you."

it made his heart swell with happiness.

"i'd go to the moon and back for you, y/n."

she smiled drowsily, "and i, you."

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httpdabi · 4 years ago

Text

"Swallow it“

Step siblings, enemies, to lovers.

Word Count: 8.1k

Genre: romance, smut

Warnings: 18+, spit kink, public sex, creampie, unprotected sex, fingering, stepcest (THEY ARE NOT BLOOD RELATED)

,,Open your mouth’’ little Touya said, hiding the small piece of sweet chocolate behind his back happily. Tapping in one place as he waited excitedly. You did as he told hoping he won’t pull any of his stupid pranks. But somehow, you always end up doing what he wanted, trusting your Niichan.

You excitedly clapped your hands once you tasted the sweet taste of the chocolate, smile appearing on your face. ,, Don’t swallow it so fast’’ he said, a little bit disappointed that you didn’t enjoy the taste a bit longer, but it was already done. Chewing few times, you swallowed it.

At the age of 6, your father met Rei. Divorced mother, giving her best to raise her child as good as possible. It didn’t took them long to fall in love with each other, finding the comfort in each other. They both suffered the same way, so it was like a match made in heaven.

Once they married and Rei moved in with her son that was just one year older then you, your heart was almost blowing from all the happiness. You always wanted to have older brother to play with, to protect you and to love you. And Touya was all you wished for. Touya accepted you, not minding that you aren’t blood related. None of you didn’t mind it, since your parents taught you better.

,,Kids, dinner is ready’’ your stepmother said loud enough for you two to hear her. Annoyed that you have to stop the play, you and Touya made your way downstairs, Touya mumbling under his breath how he’s not even hungry.

Your smiled widely once you saw that Rei made your favorite dish, Lasagna. Jumping on the chair, you took the fork and waited for everyone to sit down so all of you could thank God for the dinner and finally eat.

,,Ahhh’’ Touya said, ready to feed you with your favorite dish. Opening your mouth you couldn’t wait to taste it finally, it was such a long time since you’ve ate it. Chewing it fast, you swallowed it in a second, making Touya roll his eyes on you ,, Don’t swallow it yet omg ‘’ he said frustrated with you, making your parents laugh finding it adorable how their kids get along.

,, He told me that I’m ugly Niichan’’ you cried out loud, feeling embarrassed and disappointed. It was your first crush, and yet he called you ugly in front of everyone in the class. You didn’t cry in front of them, but once you found yourself in front of your older brother, you couldn’t stop the small sobs coming from your mouth. You knew that kids were rude, but you still expected less.

,, You are the most beautiful girl in the whole world’’ he said angrily. How dare someone breaks his little sisters heart ? Even tho he was so mad he could burn everyone down, he calmed down, taking one small Schoko-Bon out of his pocket and unwrapping it.

,,Close your eyes’’ he said smiling, his hand on your head patting it slowly. You did as you were told, tears rolling down your cheeks. He didn’t even have to tell you what to do, you opened your mouth waiting for Touya’s surprise. Once he placed the sweet in your mouth, you started chewing it.

Touya’s blood was boiling, that’s not how you eat Schoko-Bon. If you weren’t so sad, he would definitely lecture you how you have to let it melt in your mouth to feel the beautiful sweet taste, but he simply let you have it your way.

,, Should I swallow it ?’’ You rubbed your eyes, cleaning the tears away. You hoped you ate it how he wants, but every time you eat something, you simply had to eat it fast.

,, Swallow it’’ Touya said. It was already too late, you’ve already destroyed the real pleasure the candy was offering you. You were so weird, he thought to himself.

It was midnight, when you tiptoed into Touya’s room, not being able to fall asleep. At your luck, Touya was still awake, playing with his Dragon your father bought him. He was happy that you were there, even tho you were a girl, he always loved to play with you.

,, Oh my god, yess, yess, yess. ‘’ you two heard Rei, giving each others confused looks. ,, Niichan, what is mommy doing?’’ you asked, petting his Dragon slowly.

,, She’s praying, obviously’’ your Niichan said proudly, telling you how it’s probably the best if you two pray too. Of course, once again you did as he told you, praying together with him.

At the age of 16, you found yourself having more friends then you expected. Even tho your parents were encouraging you to live a little, you loved more to spend your time with Niichan then with your friends. If you could, you would spend every minute, every second with him. Your lovely Niichan. If only he felt the same. You were sad when his friends would come over, and he would ignore you.

Once he finally called your name, even tho his friends were over, you almost died out of happiness. Making your way to his room happily, you hoped they will let you spend some time with them.

,, Sit here’’ Touya was tapping with his hand beside him. His friends sitting on the floor. You sat fast beside him, listening to your older brother not wanting to embarrass him in front of his friends.

,, Want something sweet ?’’ Touya asked, making you smile innocently. Once you closed your eyes and opened your mouth , you felt one long and sour Haribo in your mouth. It wasn’t so sour as it was supposed to be, but you still didn’t like the taste of it. Still, chewing it fast and swallowing it, making a weird face.

Touya and two other boys laughed, while Touya was petting your head. ,, Go do your homework, your Niichan will correct it later’’ he said smiling. Once you got out of the room, you could hear the boys laugh saying something about indirect kiss, which you didn’t understand.

,, IT’S HER FOULT TOO! ARE YOU BLIND ?? SHE WAS LEADING HIM ON ALL THE TIME’’ you heard your stepmom scream, not sure what was going on you just ignored them and made your way upstairs slowly.

,, YOU ARE INSANE, HOW DID SH-´´ your father was cut of in the middle of yelling. ,, CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT SHE’S WEARIGN? HOW SHE’S BEHAVING??’’ Rei screamed, loud steps coming your direction as you were about to knock at Touya’s door.

,, DON’T YOU DARE GET INSIDE THAT ROOM’’ Rei screamed. You didn’t understand what was going on. When you left home, everything was very normal, but just two hours later you faced the scary fight your parents prepared.

Their first and last fight. Since after that fight Rei packed her and Touya’s stuff leaving that same night. Looking at Touya, he just passed by you, afraid even to look at you, while his mother was pulling the sleeve of his sweather.

After that night you didn’t see Touya or Rei. Your father was trying to explain to you what happened that night, failing completely. Every night you would cry yourself to sleep, missing Touya. Every day your father would tell you tons of shit about Touya, saying how that boy was devil. How it’s much better it ended this way.

You remembered how your parents weren’t that happy as he was feeding you with the strawberry. Both of them looking at each other as if you did something so terrible.

As the years passed, instead of sadness, you felt so mad. You developed so much hate toward Touya. Why didn’t he contact you ? Not even once. You heard that he and Rei moved in other city shortly after the huge fight. No one told you directly, it was just a rumor for you. Sadly that rumor ended up being truth, since after that night every trace of him disappeared.

Every night you would check your phone, getting mad after seeing that he didn’t contact you, even tho it was so easily to. With instagram and facebook, it was so easy to contact anyone these days. Every time you saw a message or call from unknown number, your heart would go crazy only to find out it was a mistake and on the other line wasn’t him.

,,You have to keep your elbow up and don’t move your upper arm once you throw it’’ Shiggy told you calmly, trying to teach you how to throw that fucking dart. If someone told you that you will start hanging out with your ex brothers best friends, you wouldn’t believe them. Throwing the dart, it ended up at the end of the board, giving you no points.

,, She’ll never learn’’ Kai chuckled, wrapping his arm around your best friend Momo. Rolling your eyes, you wanted to prove yourself, throwing another one but missing again.

Shiggy’s cellphone started vibrating. Not paying any attention to it you just continued throwing the darts around uselessly, while he was facetiming someone. ,, Look who I’m hanging out with’’ he said, placing the phone in front of you, as his head popped beside your own with a big smile formed on his face. Once you moved your focus from the dartboard to his phone, you felt your heart sink, making you feel sick in your stomach.

,,Get that motherfucker out of my face’’ you hissed, pushing the phone away from you and throwing the darts with all the power your had, not giving a shit about the instruction Shiggy gave you few minutes ago. The fact that Touya was in contact with him almost made you throw up from all the anger. Shiggy froze in shock, not expecting that kind of reaction from you, fast moving away from you.

Years passed, and he never contacted you even once.

NASTY MOTHERFUCKER, you thought to yourself, biting your lip in anger.

After the call ended, none of them had courage to ask you what was that about, letting it go simply as that and never mentioning anything about it again. Not even Momo.

You were excited for your hard earned summer holidays. You didn’t plan much, but you were just happy that you could spend the time with your friends without stressing about work or anything.

,,What movie do you want to watch tonight ?’’ your father asked, placing the pizza you just bought in the oven, while you were preparing all the snacks.

,,Hmm..’’ you sighed, thinking. ,, Dumbo’’ you said happily. Momo always laughed at you for watching Disney movies. But in your defense, no one is too old for Disney. You just loved to cuddle yourself in blanket, with warm cocoa drink in your hand and watch some old Disney movie.

Your father laughed loudly once he saw you tearing up, then sobbing when those assholes started separating Dumbo’s mom from him. You were a crying mess every now and then.

,,So, do you have a boyfriend?’’ your father asked, trying to be a good father figure to you and open a conversation, telling you that he would love to meet your boyfriend in the future, only to push his lips into a think line once you told him that you don’t have one.

You laughed when he asked you if you are a lesbian, telling you how he would support you. ,, No dad, I’m not ‘’ you laughed out taking your phone and opening your Instagram feed.

,, Darling, you are really paying so much attention to that silly device ’’ he said. He was always against phones and almost any electronic, always telling you how was it when he was younger.

,, Dad, I want to delete all my social media so bad, but what the fuck am I gonna do ? Go for a walk?’’ you said, as you replied to a text from Momo.

,, Ah whatever, I’m gonna take a nap.’’ He said, standing up as he took the glasses from the table, making his way to the kitchen to clean them.

,,And I’m gonna make your wish come true, and go socialize with people’’ you said, helping him out with cleaning.

Since it was pretty warm, you wore your plaid skirt and simple white shirt. Hopping into your nike airforce, you took wallet and made your way out, to meet Momo in the café.

She wasn’t alone, of course. Shiggy and Kai were there as well, waving their hands at you, like you couldn’t see them. You loved the dull lightning of the café you spent so much time in. Greeting them all, you hopped in the armchair beside Shiggy, crossing your legs as you decided what you want to drink.

,, Dabi, my man’’ Kai said, standing up, hugging the man that just walked in. Still focused on the small menu with different kind of drinks. Looking up at the tattooed man, your felt your blood boiling as he offered you his hand. You just ignored him, acting as you still didn’t decide what to drink.

A knot formed in your throat, giving you the feeling if you say even one word, you will end up sobbing in front of them.

,, It was about time’’ Shiggy said not hiding his happiness, while all you wanted to do is vomit all over the table.

,, Yeah, I wanted to visit sooner, but I couldn’t’’ Touya said, as you played with your phone, trying to ignore his whole existence. In the moment the waiter asked you what you want to drink, you were too scared to say anything. Knowing that you were about to break down any time.

,, Hot chocolate please’’ you said quietly, smiling softly to the waiter you knew now for the ages. Standing up, you excused yourself and made your way to the toilet. Taking few deep breaths, you took a cigarette out of your bag and lit one in the toilet.

Trying to think about how much he hurt you. You made yourself believe that he doesn’t deserve your sadness. ,,Get your shit together’’ you said to yourself, inhaling the smoke of the cigarette deeply, before going back to your friends and that fucking asshole.

,, Hawks bought you a cake’’ Shiggy said, pointing at the cake beside the hot chocolate. You turned off cigarette and sat down, fixing your skirt.

Touya couldn’t keep his eyes of you, the fact that you were ignoring him was eating him alive. He didn’t give a fuck about all the questions coming from Shiggy’s mouth, all he wanted to do is talk with you. Looking you vacuuming the cake in front of you, he couldn’t help but smile.

,, I love youuu Hawks’’ You screamed, eyes closed and mouth full. ,, Taste’s good?’’ you heard his voice and you nodded happily to him, thankful that he noticed your fucked up mood.

,, How’s your mother ?’’ Kai asked, curious about Touya’s life.

,, Yes Touya, how’s your mother?’’ you gritted, finished the cake. If a stare could kill, Touya would be long dead by now. Momo looked at you confused by your sudden behavior.

,, She’s good. Always stressing me out’’ he laughed, taking a cigarette and lighting it up. You did the same thing as he did. Every word coming out of his mouth making you more angry if that was even possible.

,, I saw a photo of you two on your instagram, I’m glad she’s good’’ Shiggy said genuinely, being a good friend as always.

,, Yes Touya, I saw it too. I love the feed of your instagram. So aesthetic’’ you hissed puffing on your cigarette. At this point you didn’t care about the fact that you made the air hard to breath for everyone. They didn’t know what actually happened.

Touya’s eyes were getting darker with every word you spat, like he was getting mad about it. None of your friends dared to say anything, afraid that you’ll spill more oil onto the fire.

,, Anyway..’’ Shiggy broke the tension. ,, your username is so weird’’ he said, trying to find words that won’t make the situation worse, but failing miserably.

,, Such a weird username Niichan’’ you said, saying the last word thru your gritted teeth as you bit hard onto the straw, finishing your hot chocolate.

,, What’s your problem ?’’ Touya hissed, leaning over the table.

,,You are my problem, you tattooed piece of shit’’ You hissed, biting the straw even harder as you leaned over the table. Your behavior surprised him. He didn’t expect from you much after everything that happened. But what he didn’t expect at all, was the rude behavior you were giving him at the moment. You were always so sweet to him.

,, Guess you’ll have to deal with it then’’ he said. You wanted to wipe that fucking smirk from his face away. In your opinion, he was the one who was supposed to stay quiet. He was the one who didn’t bother to message you even once, he was the one who hurt you.

,, I dealt with your shit for a long time, so sell it to someone else’’ you said, as you placed the money on the table, getting ready to leave. Sure, you could sit there and argue with him till tomorrow, cursing him out and saying anything that got on your mind, but there was no need for it. He didn’t deserve even the bad words coming out of your mouth.

,,Ah come on guys, don’t fight’’ Shiggy said awkwardly, standing up once he realized that you were about to leave. You just ignored him, as you took your bag and made your way out.

,, Wait’’ you heard Shiggy’s voice once you got out. You didn’t want to turn around or stop, but of course he was fast enough to catch you. If he thought that there was even the smallest chance to change your mind, he was so wrong.

,,What ?’’ you snapped, still walking. You didn’t want to listen to anyone at all. Not even Shiggy, or Momo or anyone on this fucking world.

,,What was this all about? Don’t you think you’re overacting ?’’ he asked as he stopped you from walking. Your eyes widened at his words, almost shaking out of anger that he dared to say these word without thinking at all.

,,OVERACTING? WHO EVEN INVITED THAT MOTHERFUCKER’’ you yelled, ready to burn the whole place up.

,, We did, we thought you’ll be happy about it too’’ he said placing his hands in the pockets of his black hoodie. Happy? Happiness was the last thing you felt the moment you saw him.

,,Well, I’m not. Call me when he leaves’’ you said, leaving Shiggy all alone. Shiggy didn’t have his hopes high, but he still wanted to try to stop you from leaving.

Once you finally got home, you were glad that your father had change of plans. You were keeping your shit together, not wanting to wake him up. But once you found a small piece of paper on the kitchen counter saying that he’s out with his friend, watching some soccer game, you started crying. Loudly.

You wished he was dead.

How could he do this to you? Come back and act like you were someone he just met. You cried a lot because of him, but nothing could compare to tears that were rolling down your cheeks at the moment. You forced yourself to wash the make up of your face, before you found yourself buried into your pillow, sobbing into it.

The moment you heard the lock of the door and your father entering the house, you chocked your last cry, not wanting to worry him or to find out that Touya was back.

,, Did you fight with your friends?’’ Your father asked as he ate the eggs you prepared for him. Of course your father noticed the sudden change in your behavior. Of course he noticed that you didn’t leave the house last three days.

,, Yeah’’ you lied.

The three of them contacted you more times, begging you to meet them. Saying how you can simply ignore Touya and just meet them. It was easy for them to say something like that, since they didn’t know what happened. They didn’t know how much you suffered all these years.

When your father left for work, you found yourself alone once again. Since it was pretty early, you thought it would be alright if you go grab a coffee. As much as you remember, Hawks has morning shift on Friday, it wouldn’t harm you to chat with him a bit.

You wore your simple skirt, and choose a random baggy shirt, before you lazily made your way to the café.

Even tho the morning sun was really strong, the dark windows and the dull lights of your favorite café killed every sign of it. You loved the chilly and relaxing atmosphere of the café, and you loved that always the same people visited it.

,, What’s my favorite girl doing here so early’’ Hawks smiled, once he saw you sitting on the table he chills at when there aren’t many costumers. Somehow he always managed to figure out your feelings, trying to cheer you up with a cake or too much whipping cream on your hot chocolate.

,, Missed me a bit?’’ he joked as he prepared your favorite coffee for you. You just rolled your eyes lazily at him, as you took one cigarette and placed it between your lips.

,, You make the best coffee Hawks’’ you said honestly taking a sip of it. The too sweet taste of it made you close your sleepy eyes and enjoy it fully.

,, It’s because it’s made with love’’ he said as you cringed on his comment. You took the cellphone out of your bag and scrolled your Instagram feed, liking some photos of the strangers you follow.

While you were just scrolling thru your phone, and chatted with Hawks, every now and then he would sit down with you, you noticed the tall figure that entered the café. Eyes meeting with his, you broke the eye contact like it never happened.

He sat in the armchair on the other side of the room, facing you as Hawks made his way toward him happily.

Not paying any attention to him, you just tried to stay focused on your phone and the tasty coffee Hawks made for you. But you could feel him stare. You felt his eyes burn into you and once you looked up, you were right. Touya was simply sitting there, his head leaned back into the armchair as he looked at you shamelessly, not trying to hide it.

The whole time he sat there, he didn’t even touch his phone or coffee, totally focused on you. Not caring if he’s making you uncomfortable or anything like that. At one point you were done with his shit, you rolled your eyes and told Hawks that you will go out on the terrace. You didn’t really want to go out, but you wanted to avoid his stare in any way possible and going home wasn’t really a solution for you, since you would show him that he’s winning again.

You didn’t want to watch his face.

There were more people on the terrace, since everyone normal would like to enjoy the sun and beautiful weather. Greeting the people you knew, you sat under opened window where Hawks table was.

,,Want another iced coffee?’’ Hawks asked, his upper body peeking from the tall window. You nodded your head, as you placed your legs on the other empty chair, getting yourself comfortable and trying to ignore Touya’s presence.

,, How are you and I missed you is more appropriate way to greet someone you didn’t see for such a long time’’ you heard a deep voice you didn’t want to acknowledge. Looking on your phone and acting as you were actually busy with it.

,, Fuck off’’ you hissed, looking up at him when you realized that he isn’t leaving.

,, That’s not a nice way to talk to your Niichan’’ he said as he comfortably sat beside you. You were about to stand up and leave him, but a firm hand was on your tight putting you back into the chair.

,, You’re not going anywhere’’ he said, his hand still on your tight.

,, Would be much better if you just ignored my existence like you did all this years’’ you said, trying to push his hand away, only to end up failing. He got so much stronger over these years. Touya swallowed at your words, taking a deep breath not knowing what to say, as you tried to wiggle out of his grip once again.

,, Didn’t think you would hate me this much’’ He said as he took one cigarette and lit it up, doing it all with one hand, while his other hand was still making sure you won’t leave.

The message you’ve received from your father made you forget about the person sitting next to you for a second.

,, I don’t know what happened between you and your friends, but don’t let some silly reason break your friendship. You will regret it later. Say if you need some snacks, ly’’

He was right. Why would you ignore your friends just because this piece of shit came back after all those years.

He. Was. Not. Worth. It.

,, Move that dirty hand away from me before I break it ‘’ you hissed at him.

,,Ouch’’ he said sarcastically acting all hurt suddenly, placing the same hand over his heart. He was about to say something, but was stopped with Shiggy’s voice all of sudden.

,, Finally’’ he said hopping beside you two. You were about to leave, but your fathers words were in your mind.

You sat there quietly, answering to Shiggy’s question every now and then and ignoring Touya’s existence. Shiggy didn’t want to push you, so he just let you be, he was glad that you were with them at that moment.

,, We are going to Momo’s holiday cabin this evening. Come with us!’’ he said. Momo planned to visit you today and ask you, but since Shiggy already met you, he hoped luck will be on his side.

,, Sure. What time ?’’ you simply asked. Touya raised his eyebrows in surprise, while Shiggy gave you a high five happily.

,, We’ll pick you up at 17PM. OK?’’ he said and you just nodded in agreement. There’s no way you’ll let him ruin your summer holiday you were so looking forward to. You deserved to have some fun with your friends. Fuck that tattooed grinch.

Since a sleepover was planned, you packed your pajama, phone charger, hoodie and few things you needed into you bag. You sent a message to your father thanking him for his message, and saying that you will spend your night with them.

When they arrived, you saw that Momo was sitting next to the Kai who was driving. You were about to hop behind Kai, but Shiggy told you to move in the middle since you were the smallest one and don’t need much place as he and Dabi need.

Discrimination, you thought to yourself, as you sat in the middle. Trying to cuddle yourself to Shiggy and get away from Touya as much as possible. Acting like the smallest touch of him would actually kill you.

,, Can you move your fucking legs away, you are acting like you own this fucking car’’ you hissed pushing his long legs to the side with your knee.

,, Then sit in his fucking lap if I’m bothering you so much’’ Touya snapped back while taking even more place from you on purpose.

,, Who let this sidekick tag along anyway?’’ you said pushing his legs once more, making Momo laugh. Dabi found it cute how you weren’t even try to hide all the anger that was boiling in you and he only wanted to trigger you more if it was possible.

It was 8PM when you finally arrived. Maybe you could have arrived sooner, but every time Kai would speed up a bit, Momo would start to scream around how he drives like a maniac, and how he will get you all killed.

You were glad when you finally got out of the damned car. Stretching your body out, you took a deep breath. Making your way to the cabin, you placed your bag on the old couch once you got inside.

Not wasting any time, all of you started making plans. Momo and Kai prepared the dinner, while you were changing the sheets for everyone.

Shiggy and Dabi were preparing the table and everything that was on the terrace, like cleaning the chairs and everything else.

You sat on the swing seat, slowly moving with your legs while you waited for food to be ready. The smell of the food made you much hungrier then you expected, making you wish it will finally be done so you can dig in.

The evening was really beautiful. All of you were enjoying it to the fullest, talking about random things and choking on the food. The cold wine was also helping you all with the good atmosphere.

,, Yeah, Toga was always so sick’’ Shiggy clamed as he talked about the girl you all knew from your high school days. He talked about his experience, saying how she turned from such a cute girl into a crazy psycho, stalking him all the time.

,, She seems so cute tho’’ you said taking a sip. You never talked with her, but she looked too cute to be such a psycho.

,,Yeah right, if she had a chance, she would skin you alive’’ Kai said laughing a bit.

,,True, she couldn’t stand you at all. It was all Touya’s fault’’ Shiggy laughed, explaining to you how she had such a huge crush on Touya back then and how she couldn’t stand the fact that you were spending so much time with him.

,, We have a little problem’’ Momo said, coming back to the terrace. ,, We forgot the bag with the rest of the alcohol’’ she added, smiling awkwardly.

,,That’s fine, I’ll go buy us some wine or something’’ you said standing up. You wanted to take a walk anyway.

,,Shiggy get your ass up, you’re coming with me’’ you added as you pulled the sleeve of his hoodie a bit, making him whine loudly.

,,I’m coming with you’’ Touya said, grabbing your arm, not giving you a chance to protest normally. Your friends laughed loudly once they heard your loud curses coming from the inside.

,,Don’t be such a brat and just go, why are you making every single thing so complicated’’ Touya hissed as you were bragging how you won’t go then at all.

Rolling your eyes, you took your wallet and made your way out, speeding up as much as you could, trying to walk away from him.

Maybe it was the wine that was already in your blood, but as much as you tried, you couldn’t escape him at all.

,, Can’t you see that you ain’t fast at all’’ he said annoyed. You raised your eyebrows, ready to complain. You were pretty sure that you were fast as fuck there. At the end you finally gave up, deciding it would be the best to ignore him and deal with it.

,, How long will you keep this shit up?’’ he asked, walking lazily beside you. The fresh air was brushing your skin, as you hugged your wallet close to your chest, ignoring his words once again. When Touya realized that you won’t speak up, he rolled his eyes as he grabbed your arm and pulled you with him into the small alley, left from the sidewalk. Your eyes widened at the sudden change of his behavior.

,, You think you were the only one hurt ? ‘’ He said looking you in the eyes. ,, You think I didn’t want to contact you every day ?’’ he added while his grip got stronger.

,, Oh please, if you wanted you would have contacted me long time ago’’ you said, as you tried to pull your arm away from him.

,, You stupid little girl. There wasn’t a day I wasn’t thinking about you. Every time Shiggy sent me a picture of you, it was eating me alive’’ he said as his eyes were getting a shade darker.

,, I was going thru a fucking hell and you think I had it easy ?You think that you were the only one that suffered ? Doll, I was so in love with you that my mom found me a fucking therapist ‘’ he said not breaking the eye contact. You froze once he started saying all those words.

In love ?

,, You fucking drove me insane’’ he said, pushing you against the cold wall of the building. You couldn’t progress what was going on at all. You never knew that he had that kind of feelings for you. You never knew anything about it. You wanted to think about it, to try and figure out what happened back then. But you couldn’t. His face being so close to yours didn’t let you focus on anything else besides of him

,, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry that I couldn’t contact you. But I didn’t want to make things any worse for you’’ he said making you even more confused, unsure of what he meant with that.

,, But I’m back. Can’t you see ?’’ he said placing his forehead on yours. You could feel the pain in his voice. You didn’t know what happened back then, but at that very moment you decided to forgive him and purge all the terrible feelings that were choking you for such a long time now.

Once you two got back with more wine, your friends were surprised when they realized that you didn’t bark at him like you did just 20 minutes ago. They were surprised that instead of being all aggressive, you were trying to avoid eye contact with him, but none of them tried to question it.

It’s not that you were shy, but guilt was eating you alive at the moment. The fact that he went thru as much as you did or even worse, made you feel bad. But hearing him laugh at Shiggy’s jokes and thinking about how he’s here now, you decided to get drunk with them now and think about it later.

,, What took you so long that day anyway?’’ Shiggy asked you, as you guys talked about that one time when Shiggy and you visited your old friend and his girlfriend Melissa one year ago. Talking about how he accidentally came in her, and you had to go buy the DAY AFTER pills for her while she was bawling her eyes out thinking about of the risk that she might get pregnant.

,,Bitch, I didn’t know the city at all. How the fuck could I know where the pharmacy is ???’’ you raised your voice in defense. ,,Not even google maps could help me. How the fuck can I know what HEAD WEST IS ??? I’m not a fucking sea captain’’ you hissed making everyone around you laugh, as you mixed your fourth glass of wine with cola.

All of you laughed and talked about everything. Talking about intimate topics as much as about crazy ones. Kai talked about how he fall for Momo, when she liked his picture on Instagram from 2016. ,, You just didn’t look good in a while’’ Momo said, kissing him on the cheek with a huge grin on her face.

They were so cute.

First one to go to bed were Kai and Momo. The things were getting hotter between them with every new drink they had. Next one was Shiggy, saying he wanted to face time Melissa before bed, leaving you and Touya all by yourselves.

At first none of you talked, focused on the drinks you were too scared to say anything somehow. But you wanted to say so much to him, you really did.

,, So, how have you been?’’ he broke the silence, making you laugh at the random question he asked. The fuck with the formalities.

,, Oh shut the fuck up, don’t how have you been me’’ you choked out while drinking your drink, making him smile at how you were trying to break the tension.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol, or if he was always like that, but he totally opened up, talking about his stupid therapy and about everything his mom was telling him on a daily basis. He was joking around about it, but it broke your heart when you learned about what he went thru.

You talked about all the anger you had for him, about how much you were waiting for him to contact you. You told him about your work, and about billion small and unimportant stories that he gladly listened to.

,,Yeah, I remember that day’’ you laughed as you remembered the day when Touya fed you with the sour candy in front of Shiggy and Kai. ,, But I don’t understand what you did with that candy ‘’ you said as you placed your glass in front of you.

,,I literally sucked it’’ he laughed out, making you roll your eyes at him.

,,Let’s go buy some candies’’ he said as he stood up. Tipsy like that, you clapped your hands and hopped up. Since the night air was getting a little colder, you wore your hoodie and followed Touya outside.

The two of you bought all possible sweets, happy that the shop was the one that was 24h a day opened. Once you got out of the store, you opened the pack of Schoko-Bons, immediately unwrapping one and eating it fast.

,,Oh my fucking God stop it’’ Touya hissed while smile was forming on his lips. ,, Open your mouth’’ he laughed as he grabbed the pack out of your hands. You laughed with him as the memories of you two were going thru your head.

Touya unwrapped the candy, as he explained to you how to eat it. Once he placed the candy between your lips he told you how you shouldn’t chew it at all, how you should just melt it down and enjoy the taste.

,, You are crazy, I don’t see anything special in this method of eating’’ you said trying not to laugh.

,, Sure, nothing is special to you if you can’t vacuum it in a second’’ he said as he ate one of the bon’s. He couldn’t keep his eyes of you, smiling as he watched you trying to melt the candy in your mouth. He missed you so much.

,, Wanna know a secret ?’’ he mumbled to you as you nodded your head in a second, curious what he will tell you. Ready for the tea.

,,Come here’’ he said, leading you to the small alley you were few hours ago in.

,, Wanna know what happened that day ?’’ he asked, smirk forming on his lips as you choked onto the candy not expecting him to start that topic at all. You nodded your head still, wanting to know what made your father and Rei break up in less then one day.

,, Rei caught me masturbating with your panties in my hand’’ he whispered to you, making sure only you heard it, even tho only the two of you were standing there. All alone.

,,Wha-‘’ you caught out in shock. You thought about many reasons of what could happened that day. But nothing dirty as that was on your mind. You immediately started laughing loudly imagining Rei’s reaction.

Thinking about it, you would lie if you said that the image of him masturbating with your panties in his hands didn’t turn you on. Maybe you would be freaked out if you found it out few years ago. But in the image you had in your head wasn’t Touya as your ex brother, it was the attractive tattooed Touya that was standing right in front of you.

He saw the little blush on your face, and immediately commanded you to close your eyes and open your mouth for him. Leaning on the cold wall slowly, you did as he told you.

He placed the small candy in your mouth again. You ate it your way, finding it funny how easily he gets frustrated over it. A quiet laugh escaped his lips, as he got a little closer to you.

You twitched once you felt his gentle hand around your neck, making you open your eyes immediately. ,, Close your eyes’’ he commended again, as his thumb was rubbing your neck gently. Touya told you again to open your mouth.

You smiled and opened your mouth, waiting for the sweet taste of the candy, totally ready to provoke him a little more.

You froze when you felt a warm and watery texture, instead of the sweet candy. Realizing that he literally spat in your mouth, you opened your eyes in shock. Touya tightened his hand around your neck, forcing you to close your eyes again.

,, Now, swallow it for your Niichan’’ he whispered in your ear, spitting loudly in your mouth again. You were surprised when you found yourself obediently swallowing it. The moment you swallowed it, he crashed his lips with yours, pulling you up in his arms with his free hand, only to smash you back against the wall again.

You could feel him smirk into the kiss when he realized that you didn’t hold back at all. Holding onto his arms and kissing him back. Every time his grip around your neck would get tighter, you would open your mouth without him telling you to do it as he would spit all over again.

,, Don’t swallow it yet’’ he said spitting again. ,, Your Niichan has to teach you how to enjoy things properly. ‘’ he added as his hand left your throat alone and made it’s way toward your clothed pussy. Pushing the shorts to the side and rubbing your clit gently.

Once you moaned, Touya spat into your mouth again, while sticking his one finger inside you, slowly pumping it in and out of you. You found yourself swallowing the saliva inside your mouth, a quite but now more clear moan escaping your lips.

Touya added his second finger in, as you started to breath more heavily because of his touch. Wrapping your legs around him, you threw your head back, leaning onto the wall more while his fingers were thrusting in and out faster and faster.

,, Oh my fucking god’’ you moaned out, while his fingers were doing wonders on you, rubbing your walls like no one ever did.

,, Oh, you wanna pray, I see’’ he said, making you laugh unlocking the memory from the past. You tried your best to get the closer you could to him, moving in his arms and trying to get off on his fingers.

,, Does my doll want to cum?’’ he asked, as he sped up turning you into a whiny mess. You wrapped your arms around him and burred your head into his neck, trying to hold your moans since you were in public. Once your orgasm hit you, you had to bite onto his shoulder to keep your moans down.

Touya once again grabbed your throat, and pushed your head against the wall. You whined at the sudden loss of his fingers. Taking his chance he spit into your mouth once more, and placed the two finger between your lips, making you taste yourself.

,,Suck’’ he said, playing with his saliva in your mouth. The fact that you were obeying to every word, was driving him crazy. All he could think of was fucking your brains out.

,, Swallow it doll.’’ He said, and you swallowed it gladly.

The way home felt like forever. The moment you entered the old cabin, you were again in his arms kissing him passionately. Both of you having trouble walking, too focused on each other, you didn’t give a shit if your friends were maybe awake.

Touya couldn’t keep his hands to himself, grabbing your ass while kissing you with desire. Once you finally got into the room prepared for him, he pulled your hoodie together with your shirt over your head and threw it on the floor. Grabbing your hair, he yanked you towards the bed, pushing you onto it and immediately hovering over you. He started kissing your neck and chest, leaving wet and sloppy love bites all over it. Grabbing both of your wrists into his one hand, he pinned them above your head, trying to give you biggest hickey on your neck for everyone to see.

He wanted everyone to know who you belong to.

,, Touya please’’ you beg. You wanted to feel every part of his body. You wanted to touch him, to feel him inside you.

Leaving your arms alone, he pulled your shorts and panties down, not being able to wait any longer. He wanted to tease you, to beg you for him more. But he couldn’t, he had to be inside you. He was waiting for this moment for too long. Without a warning he slammed into you. You were still wet from all the fingering, so he slid in without a problem, still stretching you out with his size making you moan in both pain and pleasure.

,, So tight for your Niichan’’ he breathed out, as he started to move in a steady pace. His hands on your hips now, holding you firmly in place. Every move was getting faster and stronger, making the bed shake and hit against the wall.

You were a moaning mess, hands grabbing onto the sheets as was fucking you hard. Rocking into you roughly as the bed shakes, you didn’t give a single fuck if your friends could hear you, moaning his name out loudly and shamelessly.

,,Touya, I’m so colse’’ you managed to say somehow, as he was kissing your neck roughly, his hips getting more erratic.

,, Cum. Cum all over my cock’’ he said as he started rubbing your clit roughly, while fucking you even harder. Closing your eyes, you moaned his name out loudly as you finally cum again.

,, Fuck’’ he breathed as your walls squeezed his dick. Closing his eyes, he started moving roughly reaching his own climax. His dick twitching and spilling all his seed inside of you.

Just when you thought that he was done, he flipped you over onto your stomach, and started roaming into you again. Grabbing your hair, he pulled your head back harshly as he abused your neck with his lips.

,, Touya, ahh, too much’’ you moaned as he pushed your head into his pillow.

,, You are taking it so good.’’ He moaned as he fucked you recklessly. At this point you were sure that your friends were awake listening to you two.

,, Such a good girl for Niichan’’ he said. Touya wasn’t turned on because he was fucking his ‘’EX sister’’. You two weren’t blood related anyway, but once he felt your walls tighten around his dick again, while you called him ‘’Niichan’’ he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

Fucking you thru your third orgasm, Touya pulled out of you, commanding you to get on your knees.

,, Open your mouth’’ he said, wanting to do something he always wished for. Stoking his dick, one look at you, with your mouth open and tongue out was enough for him to cum in your mouth.

,, Swallow it’’ he said, breathing deeply.

,,I already did’’ you said, as he pulled you up and kissed you passionately.

The next day, you didn’t know how to face your friends. Dabi was acting quite the opposite, looking at you proudly, yet so lovingly once you showed up in his shirt, with bruised neck. No words could describe how much he loved you, how much he was ready to fight for you.

Pulling you into a warm hug, he kissed you in front of everyone. He didn’t know how will he go against your dad and his mother. But in one thing he was sure, he will never let you go again.

You are his, and only his.

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