#severance crack

[sherlocks-freebitch]

[canary-prince]

I want to write a Severance crack fic where The Marks figure out how to converse in real time through like, drugs and meditation, and they have hate sex, and the other Innies are like "Mark should NOT be cool enough to have psychic hate sex with his outie before the rest of us even think of that. This won't stand."

Que Helly awkwardly trying to seduce Helena while Helena is yelling at her about doing ketamine in their shared body.

[julesnichols]

Been watching Severance lately

[castielrisingabove]

So many of you have these elaborately crafted Severance theories that I think it’s my duty to pitch unhinged ones with very little bearing just to balance it out. Okay here goes. Irving was a navy seal, this is hinted by him returning to the dead seal in the woods. Every innie can play the theremin, it’s just built in with the electrical brainwave interference going on with whatever they inserted during the severance procedure. Rebek impregnated Devon, which is why her name is one of the baby’s middle names. Lumon is getting into the matchmaking business: the references to fertility, gemma behind mark’s screen, cold HARBOR is something used for SHIPPING, need I go on??

[learningfromlosing]

"Uh... Wrong door."

Mark S., "Cold Harbor," Severance, season 2, episode 10 dir. Ben Stiller

[lack-of-surprise]

ben stiller really said „listen…. LISTEN!!! i have a vision. adam scott. but covered in blood. YES. that’s what people really want. we have to give it to them” and i want to really thank him for that.

[ray-green-wicked4good]

*If Severance were a Musical*

Mark: Well, it was nice to meet you, Helena.

Helena: *breathless* You too, Mark.

Mark: *intense eye contact*

Helena: What is it?

Mark: Nothing. Uh, goodnight.

*Mark exits*

*cue soft, melancholy music*

*lights dim*

Helena: *while watching him walk away*

🎶 Well, Helena, you've done it now. Karma's come to tap you,

on the shoulder.

🎶 All the lying that's been festering, plus the identity theft, is coming now to crush you, like a boulder.

*music swells, Helena climbs onto the table to sing her heart out*

🎶 You ruined everything

You stupid bitch

You ruined everything

You stupid, stupid bitch

🎶 You're just a lying little bitch

who ruins things,

And wants the world to burn

🎶 Bitch

🎶 You're a stupid bitch

And your Daddy hates you too

*the other patrons have started to sway with the music now. A line cook passes Helena a microphone*

🎶 I was so close to Paradise

But now the only thing I'm close to

is defeat.

🎶These shards are a metaphor

for my soul

Won't stop the self-pity 'cause

I'm on a roll.

🎶 Yes, Mark completes me,

but how can that be?

When there's no me left to complete?

*music swells, faster tempo*

🎶 You ruined everything

You stupid bitch

Sing with me!

*audience joins in*

🎶 You ruined everything

You stupid, stupid bitch

🎶 Yes! I deserve this!

🎶 You're just a stupid little slut

who doesn't think,

And deceives the people she loves!

🎶 Now he knows I'm not some

innocent lamb,

He sees me for what I am

*big breath*

🎶 Which is a horrible, stupid,

dumb and ugly, cruel and pathetic, simple self-hating

*finale fanfare*

🎶 Bitch!

*the lights come back up. Drummond waits by the door. He looks unimpressed.*

Drummond: Are you done?

Helena: *nods and hands off the microphone*

*She gets off the table and smoothes her skirt*

*They exit*

[skyrigel]

[genderfeel]

everybody ready for the toxic mad scientist exes yuri reveal

[adam-scott]

KENDRICK LAMAR | SETH MILCHICK Apple Music Super Bowl LIX Halftime Show (2025) | Severance (2022-)

[popspocket]

I just sat up out of bed in a cold sweat to write this:

A Vulcan musician named T’Pain.

He wasn’t overly successful back home, but he’s big on Earth.

[sherlocks-freebitch]

My throat: hurting

My nose: broken

My head: concussed

My shirt: covered in blood

My kidnapped wife: just down this hallway

My innie: John Wick, apparently

[canary-prince]

PLEASE tell me more about your crackfic idea for severance PLEASE

FOR THOSE UNINITIATED (x) Outie/Innie hate sex crack fic

FIRSTLY I'm setting it post canon. Jame Eagan is currently on trial and it's a hilarious fiasco. Gemma is FINE. Irving is FINE. Milchick and Cobel and Natalie don't have to go to prison because *makes whooshy noises and waves my hands*. Everybody goes to work every day to A) exist and B) they're still doing Something. I'll make up whatever makes me giggle the hardest.

Helly is inept at flirting that she probably couldn't seduce a guy who was paid to be seduced by her, and Helena blue-screens every time she realizes that's what Helly is doing. Helly low-key assumes that Helena will bang her at the first suggestion of it and is STUNNED when it doesn't go this way. I want her to appear in mirrors pretty much constantly, like, literally chasing Helena from room to room and yelling "COME ON, STICK IT TO THE MAN. SELF-LOVE, HELENA!" But even their flirting must be aggressive and brutal, and they start using the Glasgow Block and the OTC to screw with each other. EG: Helly wrecks Helena's car and leaves a note saying This Is What You Are Doing To My Heart!!! and Helena rigs her keyboard to mildly electrocute her.

Outie Mark keeps saying "that's it, I'm putting a stop to this" regarding his torrid sexual affair with his own sleep paralysis demon, and then, the next morning, just mournfully tells his wife "I screwed him again" and Gemma laughs about it. This has become Devon's favorite TV show.

Ms Cobel just sliiiiiiiides into the Innie convo one day and is like "Maaaaark, I can help you DESTROY that man." Then two days later she's at Outie Mark's house like "Maaaaark, I can help you DISMANTLE that man" because she just wants this to be as weird as possible.

I want to fill the Severed floor with wonders. The Mail Mines, where all of LUMON's paper mail is composted or something. The Pharmaceutical Silo, which holds a hundred floors of every drug that LUMON produces or uses or just likes to have around. The harpoon is for the thing living in the moat surround the silo.

The Severed floor has their own doctor. This doctor is a dog. The dog knows medicine and can perform it. When Helly goes ??? everyone is like it's okay he's severed and she has to be all "he's still a dog!!!"

[wallbang-buzzkill]

rudy did ale's facepaint

[serglesinner]

recently I've been infected by her and it's bad

[poffplay]

Sans boops you.