#several things i'd do differently if i made it again but oh well not bad for a relatively quick project

[dubiousbird]

The Hero and the Beast // The Princess and the Dragon

You are here to [Slay / Save] them.

-

(sketches and notes under the cut)

inspired by the parallels between the den / beast originally being inspired by questing beasts and the archetypal naming of the long quiet as a dragon. took some liberties with the designs and anatomy.

i chose to title it 'the hero and the beast' rather than 'the den' despite using den's design because i felt 'the beast' was more evocative of that mythical monstrousness, but narratively and aesthetically i like the den better than the beast route for this. similarly, the cage fit narratively and in environmental aesthetics for the princess' 'save them' scene but the body was too far from the baseline (the center 'choosing' characters are intended to be gestalts rather than any one particular form) and the scale was too small to cleanly draw all of the chains so i went with the prisoner as the chapter ii that leads to the cage.

drawn in pencil on 5.5" x 8.5" paper and digitally rendered in medibang.

[nyaskitten]

EDIT: THIS POST IS INACCURATE !!!

I made the assumption Olive was editing the wiki articles, and while that's a very logical conclusion to reach, it was actually someone who shares the same viewpoints as them!!! Anything including the wiki articles and Olive's involvement is wrong and that's my bad!!!

Alright fellas, I guess we did it. We have reached the tipping point. I'm going to dedicate this post to calling out one specific person, @olivescales3, and their very toxic behavior. This post will be a bit messy, and I do apologize in advance, I'm writing this from the perspective of a Ninjago fan who also thinks beyond just the petty fandom stuff, what they're doing is just not cool.

I will clarify, I do not make this post for petty fandom drama, I make this to better spread awareness on some of the bullshit they're doing, so you can look out for and understand that they're bullshitting. Without further ado, I think we should just get into it.

So, what have they done?

Now, I should say while there is no 100000% concrete link between hyenabro and olivescales, I think based on their talking points (as well and the information I've recieved from friends in the Chima fandom, who have a bunch of prior experience with them,) it's safe to make this assumption!

So, what has olivescales DONE in this case? Simple, they've vandalized the Chima wiki on NUMEROUS occasions, even after several different people have revised their revisions, so as to discredit any conenctions between Dragons Rising and Chima.

(Green is their edits, red is the ones prior to theirs, I found this while going through their contributions section on their Fandom account, HyenaBro119)

As seen here, they have (under the username HyenaBro119) edited the pages for Chima AND the Forever Rock (I have two similar screenshots of essentially the same thing, one was from the Forever Rock article, the other was from Chima) and claimed Ninjago's lore to be some alternate universe. To further validate it, they write "Ras' visit to," but Ras NEVER claimed to have VISITED these locations, just that he knows them. They also claim the Forever Rock was destroyed, a blatant lie. Only a small section of rock on the Forever Rock was actually destroyed, not the whole thing.

Now, you're gonna ask "but Raine, how can you 100000% say it's them?" and I will cite common sense. While I cannot directly tie Olive to hyena, I CAN say their wording is SO very similar.

Both Hyena and Olive call DR "a parallel/alternate universe," and again, claim Forever Rock was destroyed, WHICH IS A FULL ON LIE. They're so adamant to protect "the sanctity of Chima's pre-established, set-in-stone lore" that they can't stop to think maybe, JUST MAYBE, sometimes a story can get new lore which can ALSO be canon!

I'd also love to share this HILARIOUS screenshot of one of their many posts, which not only backs up what I'm saying, but it's like damn they really set themself up huh!

Gee I wonder why you feel alone! Maybe it's because you are! Maybe it's because you're lying and making shit up to prove yourself right! No one is as big of a hater as you!

The also LOVE saying Ninjago cannot do anything with Chima unless they get express permission from the creator of Chima, some guy named John Derevlany, but oh man what's this I see before me?

CO-CREATOR? Oh but Olive, I thought he was the CREATOR of Chima, not CO-creator... ALSO Lego owns the rights to Chima, and Ninjago, and every other theme, as said by Doc himself! If anything he wasn't really dodging the question, just giving a vague answer, because he doesn't know much about the old contracts!

From what he said, it's clear that if they wanted to use anything from the other themes, they'd have to consult folks over at LEGO, not John Derevlany or Tommy A.!

Now here's the THING, I GET where they're coming from, it CAN be annoying to have people only care about a thing you like in relation to something else, but when you're going out of your way to argue that none of it can be canon and it's all an alternate universe it's like... god it's so sad and pathetic really.

Their lies and BS don't even end there with the wiki shit, because I have THIS glorious gem.

A) They bring up that the Ninjago folk do not know who the Phoenixes are which is like, okay??? Why the fuck are they gonna know about how another universe was created??? That's like if someone told me I don't exist in the same universe as my glasses because I have no clue who made them, that is to say, that's stupid as FUCK to say!

B) OH they say something REAAALLL funny ohohohho I am actually dying. Olive says the Phoenix icon "appeared in a Ninjago episode" and "Ninjago tends to reuse assets." Yep, NINJAGO is the one who reused the phoenix symbol, mhm. The symbol that was made in 2011 for NINJAGO, which cameoed in CHIMA in 2014, was actually just an asset reuse by Ninjago. I feel like this actually goes to show how desparate they are to feel right and validated, because this? This a lie! Ninjago made the symbol, and because Tommy A. is co-creator to both, he wanted to slip in a neat Ninjago reference, so he slipped in the Phoenix symbol Nya uses for the Phoenix tribe, not the other way around!

Another REALLY funny thing they did, aside from the wiki and Phoenix symbol shit, was this hilarious attempt at being right!

Yes, the compared the WOLF Masks to BATman's cowl, and did a horribly rough comparison illustration that very much does not make sense. If you actually compared them side by side, the only similarities would be they're both angry animal themed mask with pointy ears, which does NOT go very far in the long run. The foreheads they drew aren't even the same fucking shape lol.

OH ANS WE CANNOT FORGET THIS ONE! Their using a post about the Palestinian genocide and boycotting Lego in order to complain about Ninjago.

They claim Ninjago is produced by Lego, unlike other Lego shows, which is an EXTREMELY bullshit fucking claim. Just like Chima and Nexo Knights, Ninjago is produced by Lego, it's not JUST Ninjago produced by Lego, they are all Canadian-Danish CGI action shows, and they're all known to have Tommy Andreasen involved in the creation of them.

They're using a post about boycotting for the sake of innocent people DYING to complain about a lego ninja show for... killing evil people? It doesn't glorify war, the worst it does in regards to war is like not address how fucked up it can be in regards to the Serpentine War, but that's like it. I think it's so funny they want to single out Ninjago as if it's the only TV series where villains die for trying to conquer/destroy the world.

So, what do I want the takeaway from this post to be? What do I want you to get from it? I don't really know anymore, I just don't want Olive's horrendously toxic behaviors, and straight up lies to stop. If anything I think it's beautiful that Ninjago is making others interested in revisiting Chima again, stop being such a fucking hater dude. They act like Chima is some holy grail of Lego, the greatest thing since bread, but it, just like Ninjago, Dreamzzz, Hidden Side, and Nexo Knights, have Tommy in creative roles.

To act like Chima is somehow greater than is to place it on an unrealistic pedestal as if it's a godsend, when in reality it was co-created by Tommy Fucking Andreasen.

If you read through all of this, I do THOROUGHLY appreciate it, I didn't mean for this post to descend into an angry ramble but ehhh yk how it is. And Olive, if you see this, please, just stop with the bullshit.

[beauty-and-passion]

Lore Olympus: a golden mine of bad writing

As I said, one post wasn’t enough.

There is still a lot to say about this webcomic and in this post I would like to talk about how Zeus, Apollo and Kronos have been treated. Here I will focus on the first two acts only, because the third act is not over, as well as the story. And yes, that means I will write another post when this whole thing is over.

I wanted to focus on these three gods in particular because are treated in a way that baffles me and makes me question what did they ever do to Mrs. Smythe. Tell me, Rachel: was it something personal? Did they do something to your family? What happened?

But maybe you don’t understand my point, especially if you haven’t read the Greek myths at all and you think that these three are just “Unfaithful Guy”, “Rapist” and “Evil Villain Har Har Who Also Wants To Rape”. Seriously, what’s with this weird obsession with raping everyone and with sex? Did Mrs. Smythe ever see anything else in myths, besides sex?

So please, allow me to explain why their characterizations are wrong and boring - and no, not just from a mythological point of view. 

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Zeus: the walking clichè

Making Zeus an asshole is understandable, even if utterly boring and clichè. Oh wow, he's an unfaithful husband and he's vain. Very original. Groundbreaking, I'd say. I’ve never read about him being unfaithful to his wife, not even once in all the 200 million retellings made during the history of mankind.

It's a shame because Zeus is much more than that. He's a mighty ruler with a strong sense of justice: in several myths, he punished the assholes for their wrongdoings. He's very clever and strong. He's also associated with xenia, the custom of offering protection to strangers, which means Zeus is also a protector of foreigners.

I mean, this information alone offers so many new perspectives about him! Just imagine if, instead of hanging around and doing nothing useful aside from being everyone’s favorite punching bag, Zeus fought against every corrupt system of the mortal realm, in order to protect the foreigners and the innocents. It would’ve been so cool to see a different side of him, instead of the same thing over and over again!

But nope, Zeus = unfaithful husband only. Let’s ignore all the other aspects of him, to focus on the one everyone focuses on. Let’s make him the umpteenth version of the same guy, instead of offering a new vision. This will surely make the story worth everyone’s time!

Rachel, this could’ve worked if I was 12 and had never read a retelling in my entire life. But since I’m more than twice that age, seeing Zeus as an unfaithful husband again doesn’t get my interest. And I’m sure this doesn’t only apply to me, but to everyone who already saw at least two retellings of him. Isn’t this story supposed to be new and original? Then why are we still picking from the same old clichè visions of these gods? Where is the writer’s personality and ability?

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Apollo: king of wasted potentials

I am absolutely, completely, 100% baffled at how Apollo has been treated in this story.

It's insulting to see the most beloved Greek god treated as a bidimensional piece of shit. Not only because he doesn't make any sense in the story (why is he here in the first place? Did Persephone and Apollo even interact in any myth?), but also because there are so many different possibilities for him, that seeing him being this is the biggest waste of potential I’ve ever seen.

A brief recap of who Apollo really is: Apollo is the embodiment of the sun. He is the god of arts and crafts. He's the most beautiful god, he embodies the concept of perfect Greek beauty. And he is associated with a lot of cool stuff, like medicine, truth and oracles. Also, like most of the other Greek gods, Apollo had many male and female lovers.

Now, look me in the eye and tell me that, with all of this, your first idea about him is "yeah, let's make him a stupid rapist, so stupid to not realize that hey, maybe forcing a girl to sleep with you will not make her fall in love with you". Oh and let's not forget he randomly decided he wanted Zeus' throne just after the fertility plot point had been introduced Because Yes. And he’s running for president of Whatever-Land Because Yes. Also, he’s currently involved again in another evil plot Because… yeah, you got it.

It’s just so frustrating to see him being the biggest loser of all time, considering how much cooler he could’ve been. Just think about it: we could've had a bisexual musician, who does concerts with his band (the Muses) and has a shit ton of lovers. We could’ve had a heartbroken doctor, who does his best to save everyone because he has not been able to save his own son from death (Asclepius). We could've had a mysterious advisor who can see the future because of his foresight powers.

What did we get instead? A fucking rapist.

Apollo is nothing but wasted potential. He’s an insult to himself, the story, common sense, and the Greek culture. Of all the incredible things he could've been, he became the most insulting of them all. I really cannot bear to see this fucking idiot and his punching-bag face, pretending to be Apollo. He’s not Apollo.

But if there is a guy I can see less than him, then let me introduce you to…

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Kronos: Supreme Master of Wasted Potential

First of all: why is Kronos here? Why does this love story need Persephone to defeat a big bad guy? Just to show how cool and badass she is? Considering that their fight was a joke, it didn't work very well.

But okay, let's say we need a villain Because Yes. Kronos is still a huge waste of potential, probably the biggest waste of potential of the whole series until now. He could’ve been an interesting, multifaceted character, but he became a cartoonish supervillain har-har I want power.

Sigh.

But let’s take a step back and talk about the real, mythological Kronos. His story starts with his parents, Uranus and Gaia. The two had a lot of sons, including Titans (like Kronos) and Hecatonchires (monsters with fifty heads and one hundred arms). Disgusted by their monstrous nature or maybe just out of fear of being overthrown, Uranus chained his sons away into Gaia's womb (aka the Tartarus) so that they could never come out again.

Gaia suffered from this decision, so she devised a plan: she made a stone sickle, gathered her sons and tried to persuade them to castrate Uranus.

All of her sons were afraid of Uranus, Kronos was the only one brave enough to do it. And he was successful: he overthrew his father and became the new ruler of the universe, along with his wife/sister Rhea.

However, after becoming king, he didn't free all of his brothers as his mother wanted, but locked Hecatonchires and Cyclopes away once again. And so, Gaia told him that, one day, he would meet his father’s same fate and be overthrown by one of his own children.

Scared by these words, Kronos devised a plan: every time he had a new child, he took the baby from Rhea and swallowed them. Rhea was desperate and, in order to save her last son Zeus, she sought Gaia's help.

So Rhea gave birth to Zeus in a secret place, then handed Kronos a stone wrapped in clothes: he swallowed it, thinking that it was his son. This way, Zeus managed to escape the same fate as his siblings and was raised in secret, away from his father, until he was old enough to come back and fulfill his destiny.

And now, you may think Zeus overthrew his father with a sword and killed him and nah nah nah, myths are not that stupid and predictable. Zeus didn’t use violence to overthrow his father, but intelligence. He disguised himself to reach Kronos' court and, at the right time, he gave him a drink. That drink was an emetic (given by Gaia), that forced Kronos to throw up everything he swallowed, in reverse order: first the stone he thought was his last son, then Zeus' brothers and sisters.

After freeing his siblings, Zeus did what his father would've never done: he released the Hecatoncheires and the Cyclops to help him in the following battle against Kronos and the other Titans, a battle known as Titanomachy.

The war ended with the victory of the Olympians (i.e. Zeus and his siblings). Many Titans were confined in Tartarus, under the Hecatonchires' control, others were not imprisoned and kept appearing in other myths.

And Kronos? His fate differs depending on the myths. In some versions, he was imprisoned in Tartarus. But according to other, more interesting versions, Zeus forgave him after years, freed him and Kronos became king of the Elysian Fields: the famous earthly paradise reserved for the greatest Greek heroes.

Now. Just look at all of this beautiful, beautiful potential.

We have Gaia, a powerful goddess who overthrew two rulers of the universe, without moving a finger. A goddess strong and clever, but also a mother who wanted all of her children to be free - even the most hideous ones. She could’ve been a tragic figure, a master manipulator, or an evil schemer. Or all these things!

We have the Hecatonchires: fighters so powerful, to turn the tide of any battle. They could’ve been scary and intimidating, but also tragic monsters who just wanted to be accepted. They could’ve taught a beautiful lesson about the importance of accepting the ugly and giving everyone a chance to prove themselves.

Then we have Kronos. And Kronos had everything to be the greatest character.

Think about this concept: Kronos has always been afraid of Uranus, just like his brothers. He was just better at hiding his feelings. And that visceral fear is still inside him, it still haunts him after centuries, just like the memory of how he overthrew his father. And that fear takes the shape of paranoid thoughts about his father coming back to take the throne.

Kronos could’ve seen his father haunting him, but he could’ve also dissociated and seen himself as his father. In his altered state of mind, he could’ve been both the king and the one who overthrows him.

That could’ve made him a truly dangerous, unhinged character. A god who can’t see what’s real anymore, obsessed with the ghosts of his past. A god with nothing to lose and everything to gain. After all, if he kills his children again, the throne would be his once more. And, since he sees himself as himself and as his father at the same time, he would think that he is the "true king" coming back to take his throne.

That could’ve been awesome. Kronos could've been complex, desperate and multifaceted, a villain to pity and to be afraid of. A truly new, interesting version to know and love.

And do you have any idea how incredible Zeus could’ve been in this version? We could see him facing Kronos again, still as strong and determined as when he was young. And while everyone would expect him to kill Kronos, he would use his intelligence once again. He would prove to Kronos (and to everyone else) how intelligence is always superior to violence and how he's a good leader, despite his thousands of flaws.

Also, we could've seen Zeus talking to the defeated Kronos and making him the ruler of the Elysian Fields. We could've had a meaningful ending, in which Zeus understands Kronos' fears and shares his own.

I would’ve adored this, because according to the myth, Zeus was also supposed to be overthrown by a son! Hence why he swallowed Metis (his first wife) while she was pregnant.

The myth never truly clarifies who this supposed "son" is, but according to the different versions, Metis was pregnant not with a son, but with a daughter. A daughter who, one day, would be born, full grown, from Zeus' head. A daughter who would become Zeus' favorite child: Athena.

Honestly? I ADORE the idea that there was never a son to overthrow Zeus, but a daughter. And she would not overthrow his father by violence like her grandfather or by intelligence like her father, but by love. Athena doesn't need to take the throne from her father physically, she doesn't even need to sit on that throne: not when her father loves her more than anything else.

And I love the idea that Zeus is aware of that. He knows his daughter is his weakness. He knows that, if she asks, he will willingly give her that throne, because he loves her too much. And I would've loved to see him sharing these thoughts with the defeated Kronos. It could've been a beautiful moment, to see Zeus talking with the fatherly figure he always missed from his life. It could've led to a beautiful, meaningful ending for a dramatic story.

But can you see the problem here? This concept works for a story about Zeus, not about Hades and Persephone! These two have nothing to do with Kronos! Heck, even Rachel Smythe knows it, considering she had to pull a stupid plot point out of thin air, to explain why Kronos would give a damn about Persephone!

In case you were wondering: yes, the fertility-magical-power-battery-thing is bullshit. Gods don’t need a magical battery to be powerful. And no, fertility goddesses are not rare either: Aphrodite, Demeter, Hera, even Artemis are just a few of the fertility goddesses in Greek mythology. Kronos could’ve picked his favorite from a large pool, instead of becoming an absolute creep with Persephone in the stupidest fight of all time.

And speaking of that, two words on the supposed “fight”. First of all, apologies to all fights for being associated with this thing, because this was anything but a fight: it was a cartoonish conversation accompanied by the umpteenth sexualization of Persephone, who first appeared fully naked, then with a dress so stupid to defy the laws of physics and perspective.

And if you don’t believe me, please see it by yourself: this is how the dress was supposed to be, according to episode 75

This is how it ended up. Apparently, the Fates didn’t predict how huge Persephone’s boobs would be and the neckline didn’t grow accordingly: I feared to see one of them slipping out from it anytime during the “fight”

Also, please appreciate how Persephone is turned to the side, but the dress’ stupidly huge neckline is shown from the front, otherwise we would’ve seen her full naked boobs.

And that stupid neckline kept bothering me throughout the whole “fight”, because it kept changing size. Check the episodes and see it by yourself: sometimes it’s smaller, other times it’s wider and it keeps moving in impossible ways. It drove me insane.

But since we’re talking about drawings, please allow me a very brief parenthesis about them too.

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The drawings are a joke

I am not an artist. I can barely draw a straight line by hand. But I studied art history, perspective, proportions and colors, so I’m not completely clueless.

But you don’t need to be clueless, to notice how bad the drawings became. If you have two eyes and saw another human being in your life before, then you can notice by yourself how bad they are.

It’s not a secret that Lore Olympus’ art style changed over time. In the beginning, this comic was characterized by a lot of straight lines and geometric shapes, alternating and mixing with gentle curves. There were blur effects, colored outlines, a lot of details that gave an overall dreamy, ethereal vibe to every chapter (like the soft glow that accompanied the gods).

But as the story progressed, these elements disappeared. The geometric shapes gave way to an overall “softness” and roundness. The dreamy vibes and blur effects were replaced by sharper, clearer drawings. A distinct black outline now marks every character.

And speaking of characters, they were the ones who changed more. Lore Olympus always had funny, silly faces but the characters were also able to be serious and look natural. Now all we have are grotesque faces: the characters are a collection of caricatures and no one has a normal expression anymore. Check by yourself, by confronting a random episode of the third act with the first one: they’re two different worlds.

The disproportions were common too, since episode one. But at least they were somehow plausible, while now they’re completely absurd. It’s as if Mrs Smythe completely forgot what a human being looks like.

And this is pretty evident in how all characters became a rough draft of the two protagonists: all women got Persephone’s face, all men become buff and huge, with wide-ass shoulders and teeny tiny heads. This is particularly obvious at the end of season 2 / start of season 3, when we see some of the funniest images ever, like Hades with a tiny head and shoulders as wide as the entire USA

Or this hilariously bad image of Zeus with clown shoes and a head as big as his deformed hand.

No excuse can justify these drawings: no one is running after Mrs Smythe, nor forcing her to draw, and people are paying her real money to work on this webcomic. The least she can do is draw something that doesn’t look like a bad distortion of a human being.

Unless this isn’t her drawing, but her staff’s work. In that case, they are still paid to do their job, right? Or do they think this story is a joke and decide to show how much of a joke it is, by turning everyone into a grotesque caricature?

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In conclusion

Lore Olympus is hilarious because of how bad the writing is. It’s a manual example of how not to write a climax for your story. It’s a perfect demonstration of how you can still fail, even with great characters with endless possibilities. It’s a list of all the mistakes you can make as an artist.

If you’re a writer or an artist in general, please check Lore Olympus and study it. Here you will find everything you should never do and all the mistakes you should never make.

As a writer myself, I appreciate Lore Olympus, because I need works that teach me what I shouldn’t do. Good teachers are useful, but bad ones are even more useful, because it’s thanks to them that I can learn and grow and make better stories. Lore Olympus might be a failure from an artistic and writing point of view, but it might also serve as a foundation, from which other people can develop better ideas.

Actually, it already did it! Do you want to read a better story, rose from the disappointing ashes of Lore Olympus? Then check Lore Rekindled and @genericpuff: you will find their work here on Tumblr. They planned everything ahead and it’s pretty clear by reading it. The characters make more sense, the events have a more logical explanation. And the art style is much, much better than the last Lore Olympus.

We will meet again for the third and (for now) final post about this series, a much-needed post about the protagonists of this story: Hades, Persephone and Demeter.

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(How about a coffee? ☕)

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset at how my former friends treated me?

tw: suicide and animal death

So for some context this was a very close knit friendgroup, for several years, of about 10 people, including me and my then partner. Also, everyone here is an adult.

Basically, one day I was in a really really bad place mentally. A beloved family pet was going to be put down soon, this dog had been a part of my life for almost half my life, and I was inconsolable and struggling to cope with this. During a discussion about some random interest I got too mean/harsh about it and it turned into an argument.

I know this was not justified and my grief wasn't an excuse, and I knew it then too and apologized to the people involved, and was met with overwhelming support, I was told "it's ok, we understand you're going through a rough thing right now, we're here to support you and you'll always have a place in this group"

Then my partner messaged me. They had not been part of the discussion at all, but they told me they felt hurt and wanted us to take a break. However, I misinterpreted that as a break up (combination of language barrier and me already being in shambles. This miscommunication is not something my ex can be blamed for)

This was an extremely serious relationship, we had been together for 2 years at that point and had a lot of future plans and such, so that on top of already grieving made me have a mental breakdown.

So, I vented on my personal tumblr. My vents did not mention/vague/allude to the situation at all, they amounted to "I feel terrible I can't do this anymore" and could very well have been only about my dog, or just about my depression in general. I also should point out that my ex doesn't use tumblr at all, so I didn't think he'd ever see those vents, and I certainly didn't want him to. And I also would not have reacted like that if I had known it was a temporary break. I know I still shouldn't have vented on a public blog, and it was hurtful no matter what. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.

The next day, after our dog was put down, I sought support from my friends, but was suddenly met with "we're not impressed with how you've acted, get therapy, bye" and was kicked from the group. Several of them blocked me everywhere instantly.

Unbeknownst to me, someone had sent my vents to my ex and they had shown them to the others, and they'd drawn the conclusion that I was upset about a temporary break and was venting to try to guilt my ex into getting back with me. And not a single one of them brought this up to me. Again, we'd all been friends for several years at that point and this was literally the day after telling me I'd always be a part of the group and they were here for me. I couldn't even defend myself because no one would tell me anything, I asked many times but was told "you know what you did" even though I clearly didn't. I thought they'd all changed their minds about the previous day out of nowhere, or that this was because of (what I thought was) the breakup. I only learned what they actually thought much later. Oh, and my ex told me I needed therapy and he never wanted anything to do with me again (which is when I learned I'd been wrong about the breakup).

Again, I know me venting was harmful no matter what, so in that regard I am the asshole, but I still feel like there's a difference between what I did and deliberate manipulation, and surely people I'd been friends with for years could have spoken to me before assuming things?

So at that point I'd lost a beloved pet, my partner, and most of my close friends, within a day. So at that point I tried but failed to commit suicide, and was hospitalized.

While in the hospital, I didn't get a single word from any of my friends, except for one person. Supposedly, everyone had been "worried out of their minds" when they saw my suicide note. But not worried enough for a single word.

Even the one person who talked to me got extremely defensive and angry if I so much as implied I felt hurt by the group's actions. They even tried to hold it over my head how "despite everything you did X and Y were super worried about you" as if being worried about someone comitting suicide is some kind of heroic saint.

I asked to be allowed to talk things out with them, but was told "the others aren't comfortable associating with you", so I had to write a fucking google doc letter. I explained the situation from my perspective, apologized for my actions etc, but also made it clear that I felt hurt and didn't think their reaction was justified and that they should have at least talked to me first, and that I was very open to talking things out in person if any of them wanted to get back to me.

None of them did. Apparently they were writing a formal collective response letter to me. At which point I had enough of the silent treatment and said that if any of them had anything to say to me they could do so in person. Which made the group extremely angry because I was "silencing" them.

About three people got back to me, and all of their responses amounted to "we don't owe you an apology, our actions were justified because we thought you'd done something bad and we were just trying to protect [my ex] and the fact that you're upset about it proves you are bad" one of them compared me to their abuser.

They also said they'd been "having issues with my behavior for a long time now", I wish I could elaborate here in case it'd impact judgement, but I can't because none of them specified, and NOTHING of the sort had been brought up to me previously.

So. Again, I know I am the asshole to some extent, because regardless of my mindset me venting on my tumblr was still harmful, but I also feel like I was treated unfairly and cruelly by my former friends. AITA here?

What are these acronyms?

[linksthoughtbrambles]

Thought I'd give you a one word prompt for any of the Zelinks: Ghost.

@nocturnalfandomartist, thank you, thank you, thank you for this prompt. This astonished me more the more I wrote - and I couldn't stop writing. It may be longer than you bargained for at 9K words, but I enjoyed writing every single word of it. I will write at least one follow-up. This is a canon-compliant sequel to What to Expect When Fetch-Questing and a loose sequel to The Seeds of Love, Well-Worn and What Once Rang Hollow (with a few continuity differences for that last one) but it can stand easily on its own. Rated T, post-TotK, humor, drama, and romance. Also available to read on ao3.

Eternal

Link was extremely pleased he had his own arm back.

Unfortunately, he was the only one.

Purah (“Are you fricking KIDDING me?! I wanted to study that thing!”), Robbie (“I must repair my balloon myself?!”), Impa (“Mmm—a pity. With it, we might have learned how to create our own constructs—perhaps incorruptible ones.”), Paya (“That’s too bad, Link—it looked good on you!”), Tauro (“Ahhh. I’m sure you’re feeling better, but I was hoping I could learn more of the Zonai language from it, somehow.”), Calip (“It’s gone?! What did you do with it? You should’ve given it to me as an expert in these matters!”), Sidon (“My dearest friend! Where has your adult arm gone? Are you well?”), Yunobo (“Oh NO, Link, you lost your cool arm!”), Tulin (“Oh mannn. You still have my pledge, Link, but I don’t think I should just…slap my rune on your body. We gotta get you some rings or something.”), and Riju (“I didn’t expect you to look so much smaller without it.”), not to mention every single member of the monster control crew, and essentially anyone in Hyrule who ever recognized him, all thought he’d been better off with part of Rauru grafted onto his body.

Even Zelda wasn’t (entirely) an exception.

She did appreciate Link’s hands during their personal time (“I must admit, Link, I’d have felt strange were you doing this with a Zonai’s hand rather than your own”), but the scholar and sovereign in her definitely mourned the loss of such a unique artifact.

“Link, is there any chance you still share a psychic connection with Rauru?”

“Nope,” he said.

She blinked at him.

“Sorry,” he said, blushing and sheepish.

Now that the depths, sky, and newfound caverns had created vast opportunities for exploration, research, and innovation, Zelda’s original aim of rebuilding Hyrule had essentially tripled. She and Link knew if they didn’t make depths exploration and settlement official, people would do it on their own and get themselves killed (or the Yiga would claim it, and Hyrule would be threatened again in a few centuries). So it was, indeed, official as were new initiatives to investigate Zonai technology—making the Great Abandoned Central Mine one of several hubs of Hyrulean activity in the depths. Its proximity to the healing spring directly beneath the Shrine of Resurrection had made it a frequent destination of theirs.

Link and Zelda materialized beneath the Koradat Lightroot to the weighty vertigo of silence in the dark beyond the root’s oasis.  It was the same every time—some quiet dread sinking into the deepest pit of Link’s belly, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.  He kept telling himself it would be better once people settled, with their warm lights and the sounds that come with them going about their daily business.  Zelda kept telling him otherwise. (“We oughtn’t fill this place to the brim with light, Link. We would disturb its ecosystem severely”).

Link was usually on board with leaving nature undisturbed for the most part.

Maybe it was the time he’d spent down here in utter silence but for his own footsteps, utter darkness but pale flowerlight shot into a black so matte it may as well have been death’s void; the pressure of vast expanses of pitch-black felt nothing like a sea of undisturbed trees far above in the light.

There wasn’t even any wind.

Were both nature? Yes. Were both natural?

It didn’t feel like it.

“Shall we?” Zelda said.

It severed Link’s fledgling reverie. He tore his eyes from the lightless maw beyond Hylia Canyon and turned to join Zelda in descending the steep slope on the path toward the Great Abandoned Central Mine. He gave her a small smile, though he knew, from her face, it didn’t reach his eyes.

Her return smile did. “I hear one of our survey teams discovered another root in that direction,” she said. “We merely- ah- well-“

“Have to figure out how to light it up without my arm,” Link said.

A hint of pink dusted Zelda’s cheekbones. “Yes. Sorry, Link.”

The mine’s central structure loomed in the distance, its light cold, the highest statue of the ancient Gerudo sage always watching, an intimidating glower over the hilt of her sword aimed at any who would ascend the formidable stair toward its main entrance.

“Hello, Aratra,” Zelda whispered, as she always did, as though the woman herself could still answer her.

As they neared the bottom of the hill, blue flickered in Link’s vision. “Zelda,” he said, pointing to the small cluster of poes coming into view on the left.

The spectre of that intimate grief between them passed over her face as she nodded.

He didn’t say it wasn’t her fault.

Since he didn’t say it, she didn’t say it could be.

The words floated between them, spoken so many times they’d become an immutable understanding: that she’d been too slow, that he’d been too silent, that they’d both been too obedient to the long-dead king whose grave Zelda still brought blue gentians to in the early days of each summer.

That neither of them blamed the other for it.

That they’d both spend the rest of their lives making up for it.

And that they’d do it together.

Neither of them knew whether the spiritual flames were casualties of the Calamity.

Link only knew the vague sense of relief he felt when they entered him. It felt like they felt safe—sometimes, he even sensed joy—and they clung to him so hard.

They clung to Zelda, too, it turned out.  As they approached, the spirits snapped eagerly into whichever of them was nearest, nestling somewhere unfathomable within them until released to a bargainer’s care. Link still didn’t trust the bargainers, exactly, though they intended to visit the one in the mine that day.

They didn’t talk much. They usually didn’t when sliding through the depths’ silence—sound felt like a beacon to whatever might be beyond the lightroot’s reach; yet they moved in unwavering agreement, sweeping up every poe in their path and off it within sight. It’s why they took the long route to every work site.

They veered far off the path at one point to collect a dozen wayward souls atop a half-buried ruin of a toppled archway.

“If we go much further, we’ll be at the spring rather than the mine,” Zelda said.

“Yeah,” Link answered quietly. They turned to rejoin the path further up, hugging the rounded base of a monumental column presumably carved by nature, reaching the impossibly high ceiling of what was far, far too large to consider a mere cavern. It was like a space willed into existence by the gods themselves.

Link’s mood lifted as the sounds of civilized activity reached him, more and more distinct as they neared the foot of the quadruple-flight of stone stairs beneath the statue’s feet. Link caught a glimpse of a Sheikah scientist, little but a few motes of color on the highest level of the structure, cheerful construct “Brrrp!”s reflecting toward them off any of hundreds of stone facades: every surface the same pale grey—every light cool and lifeless.

Link couldn’t imagine living in such a place. With an irritated grind of his teeth, he realized he strongly preferred the haphazard Yiga structures, with their paper and oil lights and bound wood. The real, green-leaved brightblooms were also better than the Zonai’s artificial torches.

“Rupee for your thoughts,” Zelda whispered.

Link huffed. “The place needs some color.”

She paused on the stairs, a third of the way up, her torso shaking with laughter and her hand squeezing his tight.

Link tried not to smile. He didn’t want her to think he liked being laughed at.

“Link,” she said, holding her stomach, “that is…precisely the sort of observation I ought to expect you to make.”

He really tried to keep a sour grimace on, but he knew his lips were going twitchy.

“Unfortunately,” Zelda said, eyeing his lips with suspicion, “I am no longer in a position to pass on your criticism of Zonai décor.”

Link snorted. “Neither am I. But I definitely would’ve said something to Rauru if I’d seen this before he disappeared.”

“I have no doubt! And truly, you’re right. I cannot imagine spending any great length of time down here with nothing but grey stone and white light.”

Link nodded. “At least not without experiencing crushing environmental depression.”

Zelda inclined her head, no longer laughing. “Indeed. It makes one wonder.”

“Wonder what?”

“…Whether the monsters find it as unpleasant as we do,” she said, her eyes sweeping the far-off dark.

Link let that one sink in as they made the landing. Zelda touched the dais on which her old ally stood with reverence. When her hand slid from the porous stone, they continued up the staircase on her right. The chamber below would wait until later.

They ascended among tents clustered on the flagstones before the forge, lining the walls both natural and Zonai-made right up to the great arch.  They littered the circular courtyard on the other side of the building, too, the royal crest and symbols of the Sheikah, Zonai Survey Team, and Gerudo adorning many. The familiar sound of a fan whirred somewhere above them, out of sight.

It had been quite a stroke of luck, really, that Link had activated these facilities before Rauru’s arm vanished. The constructs had still recognized him as their “primary authorizer” and he’d been able to grant access to others.

He admitted, though, it was getting cumbersome; the moment he saw Ponnick, he knew he’d run out of time to think about Zelda’s monster-wonderings.  He flagged Link down (as if Link wasn’t looking straight at him) with arms wild above his head. “Thank the skies you’re here, we have new recruits!”

Link then spent the obligatory hour introducing them to all the constructs in the facility.

Zelda had her own work in store for her. Between decisions regarding distribution of newly acquired zonaite and reports from the excavation, inventory, innovation, and engineering teams, she easily had a full day of deliberation and arbitration ahead. Link joined her for much of it once he’d fulfilled his authorization duties—after all, he’d become something of an amateur engineer himself. It was nice to have something scientific to contribute when talking with Zelda.

“You can totally build a wing/hot-air-balloon hybrid!” he’d said.

 “Link, that sounds quite impractical-“

“No, no, you don’t put the balloon in the middle, you put it on the nose at an angle, see?  Then it drags the wing upward.”

“L- Link- what of the flame needed?“

“Oh, no, it’s fine, you only get burned a little bit.”

“What?!”

“And you still put the fans on the back, you know, to help out. Oh, and the steering stick.”

“Link, forgive me, but the flame shall not be directed straight up. It is inefficient and unsafe.”

“Yeah but the LIFT!”

He’d quite liked his flaming plane. So had Robbie.

Today, the engineering talk had more to do with shoring up mining tunnels, which while important, did not require Link’s particular flair for incendiary devices. All their talk of angles, sines, and cosines seemed a bit more precise than his higgledy-piggledy constructions to hold up Addison’s signs, so he eventually left them to it, jogging instead to the rim of the courtyard, climbing up, and inviting all the poes newly showing themselves to join him—then scouting for more from his higher vantage point. He’d grown used to the quizzical looks from everyone else but Zelda.

“What?” he’d asked as Ponnick watched him jog, zig-zagging, in a roughly circular area covered in pale grey and lavender fungi.

“What are you doing?”

“Collecting the poes,” Link said.

“Poes? Where?!” Ponnick spun, wildly searching for spirits which glowed blue, plain as day, in Link’s vision.

At least Zelda could see them, too.

On balance, between the poes, soldiers’ spirits, koroks, Hestu, and the dragons of the springs, he’d have presumed himself insane if no one else ever saw what he saw.  He almost had after the ghost of King Rhoam disappeared right in front of his face in the Temple of Time: an insane amnesiac with delusions of heroism.

Except they hadn’t been delusions, because he’d killed the crap out of Ganon.

Twice.

Or, of course, he imagined it. Twice.

Link shook his head. No point going down that route. If he imagined that, he imagined everything, and if that was the case he might as well relax and start attaching rockets to every exhausted korok’s backpack like that one by Outskirt Stable.

Poor little guy. At least he made it the eleventh time.

He huffed to himself. Sometimes, Zelda thought he was a little nuts. He supposed he could see why.

As a particularly large poe with a bright pink fringe zzipped its way into his body, Link caught a wink of blue between boulders at the stone circle in the distance to the north—a small zonaite deposit he’d cleared of monsters for what seemed to be the final time, the blood moons having ended.

It sparked his curiosity.

He sprinted the first hundred feet, then slowed to a reasonable pace. He didn’t want to go too far and worry Zelda, but if there were poes at that old monster nest, he didn’t want to leave them there.

Ten minutes later, he entered the mouth of the circle, three moldy, rickety old watch-posts within and another gap in the rocks across from him. Blue flickered beyond it: five poes huddled together. As he approached, flashes of his last encounter there played across his mind’s eye. The bokoblin on the platform before him had seen him first and tried to rain fire-fruit-arrows on him. Two silver moblins had slouched toward him, intent on splitting him open with their horns or the decayed royal claymores they’d somehow gotten. The other two bokoblins had fallen quickly to Tulin’s duplicate. Five monsters in all.

Link’s lip curled.

He hesitated on the brink of turning back, the thought of helping anything that may once have been a bokoblin sending a shockingly wicked taste of bile up his throat. He brought a fist to his mouth, pressing it deep to his skin, the imprint of his teeth stark against his lips.

No one memory stood out.

He’d never met a bokoblin that hadn’t aimed to kill on sight—never known one to show mercy, or even disinterest. Once they knew a person was near, they entered an unstoppable, murderous frenzy until they succeeded or someone put them down.

Link shut his eyes and took breath after deep breath.

He didn’t know anything for sure, and the bargainers never said.

Except they did say.

“Good… Evil… That’s the futile perspective of narrow-minded beings… There is no such distinction in wandering spirits.”

When he next looked, the flames flickered every bit as forlorn as they always did. He shook his head, his feet finally choosing forward for him.

When the poes joined the others in Link, he felt the usual sense of relief. Whoever or whatever they were, they seemed glad to be with him—not as happy as the ones he’d found in the deepest pit of the mine beneath Hateno, but if he was stuck for Goddess-knows how long at the absolute bottom of a pitch-black pit, he’d have been overjoyed to get out, too.

He took his time on the way back to the courtyard, half-watching a team excavate a buried section of the cracked enclosure and half-scouting for more glints of spirit-light, pensive, wrinkling his nose as he became aware of the sticky sheen on his skin. He pulled a handkerchief from his pouch and took it to his face. It came away slightly green with the powdery spores always floating in the too-still air of the depths.  Zelda collected them to study, but Link preferred not to be the collection vessel.

Zelda herself appeared over the edge of the wall as he swept the cloth beneath his left eye a second time. He watched her make her way down the inclined stone the natural grace she’d always had.

When he reached her, she was busy snapping images of the newly excavated section of stone.

“It is remarkable how they accomplished this precision on such a massive scale.” The Purah Pad clicked. “These structures were erected before my time with them—long before for most. They are scattered so far and wide and yet certain markings on them are precisely identical. I suppose they may have mass-produced stones as they did construct parts and delivered them afar.”

Link grew a soft, sideways smile as he listened. He could imagine her doing exactly this in the sunshine, her hair brushing the small of her back, himself silent as always, allowing her voice to wash over him until she inevitably remembered who she was talking to.

“The compendium feature is still something of a mystery,” she’d said, snapping a carefully-timed shot of a warm darner just as it paused, searching for prey.

“It recognizes certain species, but not others. Initially, Purah and I believed its recognition to be related to useful effects. Warm darners are of use in elixirs to resist cold temperatures, for example. Yet despite being unable to identify any species of tree, the Slate recognizes certain perfectly ordinary fruits, including apples.”

Link thought apples were too delicious to be ordinary.  He didn’t dare say so, but the phantom flavor of hot buttered apple flooded his mouth and his stomach betrayed him with a thoroughly embarrassing hunger-pang much-too-much like the sound of a hopeful retriever begging for an appley treat.

Zelda’s back stiffened. She glanced over her shoulder at his now-pink face, her eyes flicking to the blue pommel peeking out behind his ear. Link remained perfectly still, and that included not swallowing his imaginary-apple-induced-saliva.

Then-Zelda had returned to imaging wildlife in a rankling silence.

Now-Zelda heard him huff a laugh and turned with a smile sparkling despite the cold light of this place. She hooked the Purah Pad onto her belt. “May I ask what’s amused you so?”

Link shrugged a little. “Ways you haven’t changed.”

“Ah,” she said, threading her fingers through his. “And what of ways I have?”

His voice emerged low and soft. “I love those.” He squeezed her hand.

It made her smile at him in a way far too similar to how she had much earlier that morning, not long after waking up. He swallowed as she pulled him toward her—then she squinted at him and laughed a little through her nose, taking the handkerchief still in his other hand and beginning to wipe his forehead.

“I did that already,” he chuckled.

“You missed your hairline,” she said with the soft laugh he’d come to recognize as her equivalent of a giggle. “It’s fortunate this substance does not irritate your lungs as it does for some.”

“Especially Nappin.”

“Indeed, yes, especially Nappin. I do not believe depths research is his calling.”

“Nope.”

“You must have walked through a thick patch.”

“Ran through, more likely.”

“Oh? Where did you go?”

Link motioned toward the stone circle in the distance.

Her brow pinched. “Monsters?”

“Poes,” he said, wondering if he should tell her about the coincidence of the number. It might make her feel better, to have some hint these weren’t all souls marooned by the Calamity, but he wasn’t sure how she’d take the possibility they might be doing favors for monsters who’d been intent on murdering them in life.

She must have seen it in the motions of his mouth, nearly but not quite speaking. “Something else?” she asked.

He sighed soft through his nose. “Just something that made me think.”

The corner of her mouth quirked. Then her whole face opened up in mock-surprise. “Incredible!”

“Pfff,” he said with a poke to her ribs.

She squeaked. The three people working on the excavation behind Zelda went from studiously ignoring them to unabashed staring. Link gave them a small wave just as he registered Zelda’s eyes narrowing at him.

She began to rub the handkerchief all over the crown of his head with unnecessary vigor.

“Hey!”

The sounds coming from her as he pushed her hands away were much more like a girlish giggle than anything she usually produced. “It was in your hair, too,” she pointed out.

“There’s probably some in yours, Princess,” he warned.

Her eyebrows shot very close to the hairline her hands had risen to protect.

Link smirked. Her braid was much more difficult to fix than his ponytail. He made short work of his, shaking his now-mussed hair out and re-gathering it in the tie. Hyper-aware of the team still at rapt attention in the background, he finished up and offered his hand to Zelda. “Truce?”

She took it with a small smile. “Yes, please—but sincerely, I would like to know what gave you pause in the short time we were separated.”

His smile ebbed as he began to lead her over the shallower side of the half-buried stone walkway. It was no use, really. He’d only been good at hiding things from her when she refused to look at him, so long ago.

“There were five poes,” he said, “same as how many monsters I last cleared out.”

Their feet fell so quiet on the soft courtyard ground covered in pale, fuzzy flora he had no real names for, some soft and mossy, others more like wisps or powders. A few prickled. He liked the purple ones best for breaking up all that grey.

Their feet followed the same path without any hesitance or need for confirmation—toward the great central corridor. Zelda finally answered ten feet from its first stones.

“The statues say… good and evil… are meaningless for them.”

“…Yeah.”

“For a few moments, I was wondering whether only the spirits remaining clear in the shape of Hylian soldiers were people, but… no.  For they aren’t poes at all, are they?”

Link shook his head. “No. They… find their way on their own. Once they’re done.”

Zelda nodded. “They had a purpose—to help you,” Zelda said.

“To help someone, anyway. Whoever came around to fight back.”

A series of clanging sounds echoed down the stone steps into the corridor, along with quizzical "Brrrp!"s and a Hylian's grumbling. Link's right hand flexed. No more convenient ultra-glue. He kept walking.

“Why down here?” Zelda asked.

She’d spoken so quietly he had to think to process her words over the noise.

“You mean why in the depths?” Link asked.

“Yes. Why so far beneath the place they perished? There seems little hope of aiding someone here, doesn’t there?”

“I came along.”

“Yet they can’t have known you would. They wouldn’t even have known the depths were here to travel here intentionally.”

Link shook his head. He had absolutely no idea.

They descended in thoughtful silence to the base of Aratra’s main statue, then behind her into the yawning chamber tucked deceptively beneath the center of the great structure.

It struck Link, as it often did, as the offer of an embrace. As the chamber opened before them, the long bridge leading from the entrance directly to the four-eyed face of the greatest bargainer statue, the platform running abreast its shoulders combined with its massive arms and it appeared so ready to encircle whatever came before it. When he’d first stood there, he expected it, watched those hands out of the corner of his eye, waiting for movement.

It had never come.

Instead, a distant but surprisingly level-headed voice had issued from the alien face. It had helped him—no question about that.

The poes gladly rushed into its waiting arms—no doubt about that, either.

But this entity had also played a trick on him to get him down here. He would never trust it the way he trusted the Goddess.

The Goddess statues were another matter entirely. Now that he knew more than one thing could talk out of them, he was a lot more wary than he’d been before.

They came to a halt near the great statue’s face.

“You who stand before me,” it said in tones of single drops of water echoing in a deep, black lake, “offer poes to me. They are spirits that ought to return to the afterlife.”

As always, the poes simply left them. With hundreds or thousands of spirits somehow housed within him, Link always expected there to be something like a whirlwind, or flashes of light—but there wasn’t. It was swift and gentle as a sigh: barely a murmur of any motion or sound. It took merely a moment.

Then a wave of desperate grief seized the core of Link’s body and he cried out, clutching at an anguished heart, though neither the cry nor the heart were his own.

“Link!” Zelda gripped his biceps, her face stricken.

“Z-elda-“ he said, more to answer her than anything else, at a complete loss.

“Two do not wish to leave you,” said the bargainer.

Link’s breath caught.  Zelda’s eyes flew wide, and she looked him up and down as though trying to find them. “Can you- pull them from him?”

“I can do no more than guide,” the bargainer answered. “I show the way home.”

“They usually seem quite pleased to go home. So- why?” Zelda’s face seemed approaching a panic like none he’d seen in over a hundred years.

“I’m fine, Zel,” Link said, “really- NO, really, I’m fine, I’m just- I feel what they feel.”

“Yes, I do as well, but this-“

“This is them not wanting to go,” Link said, shaking. His eyes met first the lower, then the upper pair of the bargainer’s. “Can you talk to them?”

“After a fashion.”

“Can you figure out why-“

“I know why.”

Link and Zelda waited a few beats.

“We would appreciate it if you would inform us,” Zelda said, a hint of exasperation in her voice.

There was a depth of quiet, as though all sound plummeted into some unseen pit, unable to return, siphoned, whenever the bargainers spoke across fathoms to their brethren.  It muted Link’s accelerated breaths. Zelda’s grip tightened, her mind visibly whirring behind the eyes flicking between his features.

“…You have made a substantial offering,” the bargainer said at length.

Link and Zelda exchanged a glance.

“You have made many offerings,” it continued, “many more than any other being in countless ages.”

Link experienced the distinct sensation of someone…curling around him, like Zelda would, holding him tight, but inside his own chest.

“If you agree, I will honor these spirits’ requests as repayment for your offerings.”

“Agree?” Zelda asked. “What requests?”

“They would speak with you,” it clarified.

The curl tightened. It felt like far, far more than a desire to speak. A creeping dread rose in him—his own—of what spirits would choose to cling with such desperation to his body.

Someone terrified of death? Of the afterlife? Maybe someone with a last request—a regret? Two someones—at the same time, when it had never happened before?

Or did the bargainer mean… “W-wait,” Link said with a swallow. “Do they want to speak to someone in general? Or is it just me? Or Zelda?”

Link resisted an inexplicable urge to whimper.

“It is you who stand before me,” the bargainer said.

“Meaning Link,” Zelda said squinting at the statue.

It stared as though its answer had been obvious.

“Do they mean him harm?” Zelda’s tone had hardened considerably. “We have seen spirits lift weapons- perform magic.“

Link lurched with a sudden fear—could he have picked up Ganondorf’s soul?

“I offer you a boon,” the bargainer said, “not a curse.”

Zelda blinked, taken aback, while Link registered the depth of the anguish invading his heart.

It didn’t feel like Ganondorf. He’d have been hatred—envy—fury.

No, that wasn’t it.

This was regret. Something undone or unfinished.

Link closed his eyes and tried to… reach—within himself, where this spirit wound around him. So tight—clinging—stubborn. Something made him breathe an incredulous laugh, and he didn’t even know why; but the more he seemed to press into the spirit’s space the more familiar it seemed, an intense vertigo hurtling toward him from an invisible horizon slamming his awareness into long ago, when the world was over a hundred years younger.

Link’s body gasped.

Link’s mind looked down at a very spiteful young girl with a thick mop of mixed sand-and-straw-and-acorn-colored hair which he’d wrestled into a braid for her earlier that day, springy strands poking out at odd angles as she narrowed her eyes at him, her gangly arms vice-gripping his ribs, her hands fisted, and her feet planted wider than shoulder-width apart, as though to brace him immovably in-place.

“This isn’t going to work out for you, cheeter,” Link said.

“You’re not going,” she answered, her voice a mix of petulant and acrid.

“I… kind of am.”

“Nope.” She sniffed, a bit of her own hair having tickled its way to the edge of one nostril.

“I mean, if you won’t let go, I can just drag you all the way to the castle.”

“Good.”

“Good?!”

“Dad takes you everywhere. My turn.”

“You clinging to my midriff isn’t the same as Father taking you somewhere.”

Her lip curled and Link felt kind of bad, but what did she expect? “You’re eleven.”

“So?”

“So you’re not even out of school yet!”

“Castle Town has a school.”

“So you want to go to school in Castle Town while I’m in training all day and pretty much not see me anyway?”

“At least I’ll get to do something.”

Link laughed so hard he went silent, the girl’s chin bopping his ribs painfully with each spasm of his diaphragm.

“What are you laughing at?!”

“Chee… for Hylia’s sake, you’ll just be at a different school!”

“With you.”

“What about Mom?” Link said.

Chee went quiet for a moment, her eyes softening a little, though they still shone like tiger’s-eye. He could tell she was trying not to grimace.

“That is totally your sheepish face trying not to come out,” Link said.

 “Dad leaves her alone,” Chee said quietly. “A lot.”

Link’s smile left him. “No… he doesn’t. Because she has us.”

“You mean me.”

“Yeah, okay… so it’s been you more than me. But do you really want to leave her here while we both go?”

“She could come.”

Link shook his head. He was getting sidetracked. Mom wasn’t really what this was about, and neither was a different school, or Castle Town, or even his sister getting to do more exciting things. “Look, Chee… I know you’ll miss me.”

She grunted and pumped all the air from his lungs with her bony arms (damn she was strong).

“I’ll miss you too. A lot.” He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, hard, but not too hard. He was way too strong for his own good, or hers. “More than anyone,” he whispered.

“Link?”

“No way.”

“Yep.”

“You’re a total mommy’s boy.”

“Yeah, well, doesn’t mean my sister can’t be my favorite person.”

“Link, please- answer me!”

“He communes,” the bargainer said, the sound of distance itself as the image of Link’s little sister faded.

The feel of her arms around him remained.

“I agree!” Link blurted.

“What?!” Zelda said, her thumb swiping at a wetness on Link’s cheek.

As the embrace of his innermost self bled from Link, he tripped forward, his arms desperate, seeking to return it. His hands found Zelda’s waist, and his eyes found hers—whatever she saw in them made her hug him tight about his shoulders.

“Link?” she said.

He held her too, unsure how to begin, but any words died on his lips at the sight of blue flame coalescing behind her. He tapped Zelda’s back, taking her by one shoulder and turning her to look.

Two spirits came into slow being before them, veiled in a pale blue glow, their features weaving into existence as patches of light, seamless once in place. Flames licked their feet, one moment there, then gone. They were old women, but as Link watched, their edges shimmered, and they took the forms he knew they would—some hidden heart within him had already known, had felt their shades only in his most dreamless of sleeps, in the darkness with them.

One woman stood almost exactly his height, about forty years old, and looked very much like him. The other had become the girl who’d insisted he stay home with her over a century ago.

How could his waking mind have forgotten them so thoroughly? He really was an insane amnesiac with delusions of heroism. He’d have to be insane to forget people he loved so much.

“Mom. Chee,” he said, and as he did, their tears fell, too. They rushed to embrace him, both at once, and he could feel them, they were real, and his deepest core spoke a wordless vow to offer a gift worthy of the bargainer’s extraordinary blessing.

--

Zelda balanced privacy and caution, wandering the length of the bargainer’s platform, the communion of three always at the corner of her eye, sitting cross-legged, knee-to-knee and hand-in-hand.

She’d known of his mother and sister, but they’d never met. He’d spoken of them only in bare, short spaces, quiet moments when Calamity’s imminence dulled.

How their Hateno home had not brought their memories forth long before now, she didn’t know. She’d sensed, sometimes, as Link stared at a piece of pottery or brushed his fingertips over a length of wood-grain on the banister, some glimmer of their former reality floating near to the surface—but it never emerged.

It’s why she’d delved into the mystery of the Shrine of Resurrection—into the healing spring beneath it in the depths—as though the missing parts of him had drifted into its bed, lying nascent against its darkest earth, far below.

They’d have stopped there again after this, on an ordinary day. She’d have given him her most sincere of smiles as she removed his leather—his bracers, his belts, his boots—her eyes never leaving his. She could feel the way his chest would rise and fall, quickening against the heels of her hands. They’d have entered the water together.

Zelda reached the platform’s edge. Hundreds of feet below, a small cluster of poes huddled in the great chamber’s corner, near the bargainer’s ankle; Zelda wondered that they’d come so close to the guiding statue, yet not found their way to the afterlife.

“They do not wish to cross,” the bargainer said.

Zelda gasped, one hand pressing flat to her chest. It had heard her?

“I can hear only you who stand before me.”

Zelda craned her neck toward the statue’s head, half-expecting it to have turned toward her. It hadn’t. “Not the others above us, then?” she whispered.

“Only you who stand before me.”

Zelda sighed, the bargainer keeping its secrets as always. She centered Link in her vision, speaking quietly with his lost family, so engrossed he’d not spared the statue a glance as its voice sounded.

“I spoke to you alone,” the statue said.

“Oh?” Zelda’s curiosity piqued. “I didn’t realize you could.”

She waited for a response, the spark of excitement slowly fading in the silence.

She oughtn’t have expected anything else. These beings showed interest in nothing but the welfare of the spirits they shepherded. She peered over the railing once more, at the flames flickering far below.

“If I go to collect them, will they come?”

“For you, yes. Undoubtedly.”

“And would they then move on as the others have?”

“Almost certainly.”

She wondered why her carrying them a few hundred feet would change their minds.

“Listen with he who also stands before me. You will understand.”

Zelda’s brow tightened, taken aback and hesitant to simply eavesdrop. She shuffled her feet.

The bargainer remained silent.

She approached the three with great reservation, her hands clasped before her, unwilling to simply insert herself within their conversation. She stopped partway across the platform. Should Link wish to include her, he would—yet he was rapt. He appeared as though drinking in every detail of his mother’s face over and over again. Perhaps he feared a more ordinary forgetfulness would take her from him a second time.

Zelda’s lower lip rose in understanding. Some days, she, too, struggled to see her father’s face clearly. Her mother’s had long been wiped blank.

She gasped, her hand touching the Purah Pad.

Link looked up at the sound, giving her a small smile, and as he did, the spirits looked at her as well, as though only just noticing her presence.

The spirit of Link’s mother smiled wide. “Link! Is she with you?”

Link turned deep crimson, his face twisting in a smiling grimace Zelda had never seen on him.

“Oooh!” his sister said, her face full of mock-scandalization. “Your face, Link. Wow. Is she… with you?” she asked, her eyebrows inching upward.

Link’s rested his face in his hands as the spirit-women giggled at him. Zelda couldn’t help but quirk a smile, herself, though she felt strange. She could not ignore the hesitance in her heart.

Transient.

It would be transient.

Her eyes threatened tears as she watched her lover, watched him be with them as though they yet lived.

Their departure would sink him as his forgetfulness never could have.

It took Link a minute and a few resurgences of giggling to recover enough to peer over his hands at her.

Then he held one out in invitation, turning that smile on her- the one that was for her alone. She drew a steeling breath, her fingers worrying at the pad’s cool surface. “Are you certain?” Zelda asked. “I’ve no wish to intrude.” I’ve no wish to cut your time short.

“I’m completely sure,” Link said, beckoning her toward him.

Her shoe scuffed on the first step and she swallowed, extending her hand. When he took it, his mother’s spirit slid to make room for her. Zelda sat as they did, her knee to Link’s, unable to smile and unsure what to say—though she had no intention of asking questions about the mechanics of spirithood, despite the bargainer’s nebulous words.

Link seemed to sense her uncertainty. He threaded his fingers through hers and moved closer, drawing her hand warm into his lap, his shoulder to hers. Zelda couldn’t help but find his eyes, and though she knew his smile and the squeeze of her hand were nothing but sincerity, a truth to reassure her, the smile she gave held a depth of sadness for the future this would bring.

“That is so a yes,” his sister said, snapping the moment in two. Link’s eyes rolled and fluttered shut, and a small laugh left Zelda’s nose despite her visions of Link falling apart.

“The sky’s sake, Chee,” his mother chuckled. “You lived to be ninety-two. I’d expect you to have matured eventually.”

“Are you kidding? This is my chance to be a kid again. I’ll take it!” The girl smiled at Link, but an intense sadness lay in the core of her eyes, the precise contours of her lips. Zelda recognized its longing.

It was in his mother’s, too. “Link, my little love,” the older woman said, shifting a soft smile between him and Zelda, “why don’t you introduce us?”

Link huffed a laugh and gave Zelda a look so like one he’d given her just before the Calamity struck—on Mount Lanayru—something sad yet loving and utterly immovable all at once. She wondered wildly for a moment exactly how he’d introduce her—for she wasn’t his wife, not yet, but “fiancé” seemed an entirely inadequate word.

Fated. Soulmate. Destined. Those- those began to approach the magnitude of whatever connection had laid between them even from the beginning.

“Mom- Chee,” Link said, his eyes and smile still soft, still on her. “This is the love of my life.” His thumb stroked the edge of her hand. “Zelda.”

She and her smile warmed, his words an anchor to the present. Her free hand curled around his bicep and their foreheads somehow met, though she’d not intended to approach him.

His eyes on hers.

Those calm waters she always wished to dive deep within. They seemed to go on forever, further than Link himself could know, to a place warm, safe, and eternal.

Should she ever tell him so, he would give her his lopsided smile with that deep dimple of his. He would tell her the reverse—that she was his eternal goddess, and he worshiped her—that it wasn’t about him.

But it was about him. She knew it in her deepest self. They two were as one. When it came time for her to pass into the afterlife, she knew she would not go without him.

A sudden understanding drew an aching smile on her face for all the little lights in the darkness.

Though the silence between them bore no tension, its length emerged in her awareness. No irreverent remark issued from his sister; his mother had asked no questions of her. She turned with a flutter of dread, expecting, somehow, the spell to be broken—to see empty space where the spirits had been. Instead, she found their gazes on them, awed.

“What is it?” Link asked softly.

They seemed at a loss for speech. Their eyes traveled all around and above and below them, their hands locked together. His mother’s eyes fell on Zelda’s, and his sister’s on Link’s.

“It was you,” his sister said.

Link shook his head. “What was?”

“You… shine,” his mother said, her voice like a whisper in a cathedral. “Together. Like- the light of a thousand Suns.”

Link turned as though searching for that light himself. “Zelda does- she shines with her magic.”

 “No, Link. Both of you,” his sister said, shaking her head hard, her eyes shut for a moment. She opened them, squinting at Zelda. “I see you both ways right now. Before, I didn’t have eyes, not anymore. I do now, and I can see you sitting there, but I could see you before, too. You… you were the lights. You…” she gestured at them, her palm wide, “are the lights.” She swallowed. “Mom? Same for you?”

“Yes,” the older woman breathed. “Yes. I thought- Link, I’d thought the light had led us to you. I felt- so happy to finally be with you again. My little boy-“ tears slipped down her cheeks again, and she reached for Link, cupping his cheeks. “I thought- I still don’t understand- I thought I’d outlived you. I kept wishing, and wishing, and wishing in a sea of darkness to find you again.”

“We all thought you died at Fort Hateno,” Chee said quietly.

“But the light didn’t lead me to you,” said his mother with a tearful smile. “The light was you. And…” she smiled at Zelda, “you. And together…” she shook her head.

“Together you get a lot brighter,” said Chee. “Like, a lot. Way more than double.”

His mother laughed. “I don’t have the right words- to tell you- just how beautiful it is. I wish you could see it.”

Link’s sister raised her hand like a schoolchild, her eyes on Zelda, one eyebrow intensely arched.

“…Yeah, Chee?” Link asked cautiously.

“So… are you Princess Zelda?”

Zelda couldn’t help but laugh. “I am.”

Chee gawked and whacked Link’s arm.

“Ow-“

“You landed the Princess?!”

“It’s not-“

“And you didn’t even INTRODUCE her as the Princess?!!”

“Well, I didn’t want to- to-“

“To what, brag?”

“No, it’s just not what’s im-“

“It is so important-“

“Children,” their mother said.

They ceased so completely their hands froze mid-gesture.

The older woman offered her hand, palm up, to Zelda with a kind smile.

She took it, astonished to feel warm skin, no different from anyone else’s, a mere shimmer of blue at the outline setting her apart if she looked hard enough.

“My name is Junilla,” she said, placing her other hand over Zelda’s. “I am so sincerely pleased to meet you, Princess- and overjoyed that my son has found such love in his lifetime.”

Zelda returned the gesture, placing her other hand over the spirit’s. “I am grateful,” she said, “for this chance to meet you. That Link has been reunited with you after all this time…” she took a breath, “is a blessing.” Her gaze rose from Junilla to the eyes of the bargainer. The others’ gaze followed hers.

Chee traced the unfamiliar shapes of the statue’s eyes, a hand worrying in her lap. “How- how much time do we have?”

Junilla’s hand tightened for the space of a pulse around Zelda’s, searching the stone for an answer.

“The- bargainer didn’t say how long we could speak,” Link said softly, suddenly breathing strangely.

“The choice to move on is never mine,” the statue said.

Link blinked. “So- there’s no time limit?”

“I impose nothing. Yet my gift cannot extend beyond these walls.”

Link nodded, his face flat.

--

Ponnick and several Sheikah entered the space several times to check on them, so long they remained below.

They never appeared to notice the two strange women, though the Purah Pad had been able to take their pictures.

When she and Link finally left—at 5:17am according to the Purah Pad—the women faded without even a whisper of sound to two flickering blue flames, resting together beside the bargainer.

They would wait for Link’s father.

He and Zelda would begin their search in the depths beneath Akkala to find him—under the Citadel—though the bargainer warned that spirits may drift or become bound.

“End the final tide of gloom,” the bargainer said. “Only then may they all return home.”

Link seemed to understand.

They kept their appointments in Lookout Landing and Goron City for that morning and afternoon, having skipped their detour to the hidden spring of resurrection in favor of them. Link was unusually subdued as she’d expected, and her heart fell further and further as the day lengthened.

He’d barely smiled at Yunobo’s fist-bump.

He broke down in her arms, as she’d thought he would, at home in their bed, exhausted and shuddering with a grief which should have been foreign to him, as it should be to anyone—yet he had felt it before in lesser magnitude when the spirits of their friends, their allies, had become known to him, one by one and memory by memory, a sudden knowledge of what had been lost.

He’d even grieved over her in this way, for he’d no way to know she would emerge from the Calamity’s innards as a living being.

Zelda could not imagine it.

All she could do was hold him, kiss the crown of his head, stroke his hair, tell him it was alright.

“I am here, my love,” she said. “I am with you, and I shall stay.”

He nodded, unable, for the moment, to speak.

It was days later, the Sun a deep gold resting in a bed of lavender above the stand of trees west of their garden, when Link suddenly took her by the waist with his only-for-her smile and kissed her, gentle and questioning, then deeper as she rose to meet him, passionate, her arms wrapping about his neck, their bodies moving as a single unfettered wave. Her mouth parted from his breathless.

“L- Link,” she said.

He kissed her again, on her jaw—behind her ear.

“Are- you alright?” she breathed despite her body’s insistence that now was not the time to worry.

He breathed a very soft laugh in her ear and pulled back to look in her eyes. His hands left her hips to cup her face.

He spent a very long moment just like that. When he spoke, the sweet summer breeze danced with the sunflowers, his soft voice like its rustle through the birch leaves.

“I don’t want to remember what I’ve lost only to forget what I have.”

Her hand covered one of his, pressing it to her cheek.

“I love you so much,” he said, his smile growing, a joy nestled there despite the shadow always upon his features. A hint of mischief twitched his mouth. “So much we attract poes in the dark.”

A laugh burst from her. “Link- you are indeed the love of my life, but I’d rather thought it was our magic-“

But Link was shaking his head. “Magic, sure, for glowing when we’re alone, but… the light of a thousand Suns? That’s love. I know it.”

A memory burst to her mind’s eye, of a power as though the surface of the Sun itself, flowing from her as her knight clung to the thread of life behind her.

It had been love then. She knew that. Love of Link which had hurled her bodily before him, willing to die in his stead.

She pulled him close and tight—placed a long, gentle kiss on his cheek. He breathed a laugh and nuzzled her hair.

“You are- absolutely right, Link,” she said. “Absolutely right.”

They held each other, quiet, unhurried as the soft changes in the palette of the sky, restful as the setting sun, resting in the place sought by all the little lights far below—that place in Link’s eyes: a far deeper depth than any within this earth, for eternity had no limit.

She ought to have understood it sooner.

The lifetime of the Light Dragon had been a mere blink of an eye.

Link would love her far longer.

It wasn't transient.

Nor was his love for his sister, his mother, or his yet-unfound father. What resurrection had taken from him in life would have been found beyond the bargainer's crossing, just as she and Link would follow each other to the spirit realm, to whatever lay beyond.

Some well deep within herself whispered in the language of forgotten memories, a truth woven of silent echoes, veiled shades of her many selves passing through her as a thick-muffled feeling—and in that moment, safe and warm in Link’s arms, she felt they had done so before. Over and over again, passing in and out of death and life and realms and voids and time together, and always each other’s light.

She looked at Link, eyes and mouth wide open in a sort of shock, as though seeing him for the first time—as though just having remembered him.

“Zelda?!” He ducked, flickering from feature to feature of her face, his thumbs brushing tenderness on her cheeks and temples. “What is it? Are you okay?”

“Oh- oh yes,” she said, her voice shuddering. Her next smile glowed, for him and only him, all else in reality falling from her present. “I love you, Link.”

He grew a smile to match hers and then some. “You sound surprised,” he said with a chuckle.

She took his face in her hands and kissed his mouth, softly, full of reverence, and it felt like a first time. Link’s palm came to rest flat on the table beside her, pressing hard, bracing himself against a force Zelda felt, too, and welcomed—a compulsion to rejoin, to reunite. A shocking elation flooded her that he was wholly him, that he carried no spectre of an ancient king, no matter how benevolent, by his side, and she surged forward against him, delving, caressing: worshiping.

Her kiss released by a hair’s breadth, the heat of their lips a promise of imminence. Link’s heart raced against her elbow where it met his chest. “Z- el,” he said, utterly breathless, even more than he’d made her.

“I’ve always loved you,” she said, her voice quiet’s paramour. “And I always will.”

He stood before her, an avatar of adoration, every aspect of his being focused on her, the softness in his eyes unlike any she’d seen outside those moments he watched her at pleasure’s height. He brushed his lips to hers—not a kiss: a caress.

“You understand,” he said.

She kissed him again, her hands carding through his hair, thrilled when his eyes fluttered shut. She pulled back, a pause. “I do, now.”

“Forever,” he said.

“Through death and life again,” she answered.

In bed that night, Link slept soundly, his arms wrapped around her and his head resting on her chest. She sat partway up against the pillows, stroking his hair and thinking in a way she hadn’t in her waking life: a thinking more like feeling—more like acceptance.

This life was a gift.

A time to feel with skin, with heart and blood.

A time to be separate.

Not because they wished to be—but because it made their reunions that much more joyful.

And when it came time to fade from the physical, there would be nothing to separate them. They would be as one.

Death was not the end.

Birth was not the beginning.

And love…had neither.

She held Link a little tighter, smiling at his sleeping grumble, and closed her eyes.

[kristophgavinsbottomeyelash]

HEADCANONS - TW FOR MENTIONS OF DYSPHORIA, PARANOIA, AND OCD

- Kristoph is transfem genderfluid and uses he/she pronouns but he doesn't really talk about it - his physical presentation doesn't typically change a whole lot

- She has a very difficult grasp of her genuine identity which is why she sticks to a lot of the same clothes/make up/hairstyles in order to feel grounded

- He is dysphoric, like hella, but again will never talk about it

- Kristoph has severely damaged hair from constant bleaching. She refuses to let her roots show which means a very strict hair routine, it's also permanently wavy from the constant styling

- My version of Kristoph has darker skin with no definitive ethnicity, but if anyone has thoughts on feelings or vibes for that I'd love to hear them! I am not personally someone with naturally dark skin, so I'm most definitely not an expert in representing someone who is (however i am very willing to learn the proper way to do so!)

- He knows how to play the violin but only does so in private. klavier and phoenix are the only two who know aside from his parents

- Oh yeah! Her parents are what you'd expect. neglectful and generally just. really bad. Leaving Kristoph to become independent at a young age with the responsibility of klavier

- Kristoph loves borscht. It's a comfort food.

- Kristoph has paranoia induced compulsions and delusions, such as needing to make sure everythkng is in its exact place or something horrible will happen, needing to be around someone for a certain period of time to ensure that they aren't plotting to expose her

- Kristoph doesn't "get upset", he has full on breakdowns, even over seemingly trivial things - though it's unlikely that the breakdowns are seen

- Because I think she's autistic, her knowledge of physical touch and physical boundaries is really severely messed up, in that it's difficult to tell when he's too close or grabbing something too hard

- Kristoph doesn't "feel emotions" in the typical mental sense, he feels physical symptoms of those emotions which cue him in; an onslaught of symptoms negative or positive, is physically painful

- She paints her nails to feel calm

- Heavily, heavily apathetic

- Kristoph refuses to wear anything that isn't made of expensive, silky materials; both to appear put together and also because of sensory issues

- She has a practiced habit of tilting her head when feigning curiosity

- He wears tights instead of socks because they're less irritable to his skin

- Has definitely told a kid to [redacted] themself before. Thinks of the memory fondly

- There is an eerily stark difference between her real laugh and the fake, charitable chortle of pity that makes it very difficult to sit with; it doesn't happen very often

- Kristoph has a lot of thin features like thin nose, thin lips, thin fingers etc. She's very angular. Hugs from her feel like hugs from a very spindly tree

- She is constantly cold to the touch, like unnervingly so

- "An overly moisturised snake" - my girlfriend (he moisturises his hands and refuses to grow out body hair)

- Pretty eyes/eyelashes that are offset by the cold grey of her irises

- Kristoph applies daily makeup that blends in well with her natural appearance, but when taken off, it's obvious that he's very. Tired.

- Not good with kids in the slightest. Extremely overcompensating and patronising. cue that one art post of Trucy seeing him for the first time and breaking into tears.

MORE TO BE ADDED!!!

[zanarkandfayth]

Would love to read your answers to questions 3, 9, 13, 17, 18, 26, 29, 31, 32, 50, and, if there's another number (or several) you really wanna answer, please add those too ✨

thank you for the ask!! <33 I wrote you novels in return gjdskglj

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

oooh this one is so hard because I love most of my fics for different reasons, even my older ones (at least the ones on ao3. we ignore the ones left behind on ffnet lmao). hhhh, of completed ones that are posted, imma have to say monsters honestly, because damn did I put some heart into that. but the one I'd probably consider absolute best is the still ongoing, not yet posted 600K+ beast of a fic I usually refer to as "nanofic" that I've been working on since 2019. it won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it just gets so deep into noct's trauma that I inflict on him and his slow recovery from it, more than I've done for any other fic, and I've poured so much blood sweat and tears into that thing, it's kinda everything to me.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

written, no. been tempted to in the past, but it was too much effort and I already had too many fics for my main fandoms. I have read fandom blind for both harry potter and supernatural in the past though, like lates 2000s into mid 2010s. both were kinda on accident. supernatural in particular is because it kept getting crossed over with MULTIPLE of my fandoms. psych, house md, and criminal minds. so I started reading non-crossover supernatural fics in self-defense gsdklgjdks

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

I mean… this is the first paragraph of one of my fics from my first fandom when I was fifteen. you tell me 😂

"Relena smiled as she sipped her tea and mentally reviewed the day's schedule. 8:00 am- peace talk to the world. 10:00 am- conference with Romefeller. 1:00 pm- try to convince Dorothy to become a pacifist because she was to stupid to understand that Dorothy loved war. Rest of the day- annoy the HELL out of Heero Yuy. Smiling happily again (PLEASE! Her smile is SO annoying), she stood up and was just about to take a step when …. suddenly a freak falling cow killed her!!! =^.^= The gundam boys all burst out of closets around the room and rejoiced."

the biggest change is probably that I actually write well now lmao. and don't character bash. and don't throw author's notes and emoticons in the middle of fics, and have learned to format better, and, and…

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

oh god. let me hide before I answer this. hands down, it's shadows growing. like let me be clear, it's not bad by any means. I'm still fond of it. but I did not have a clear plan when I started writing it, and I really feel like that shows. it was not meant to be a fix-it fic. it was not meant to be a longer fic. it was not meant to be much of anything, tbh. I saw the prompt on the kink meme and the prologue literally started writing itself in my head and I was like "nah idk what I'd do with that" and I scrolled past, but I couldn't focus on reading other prompts and so I went back and just started typing the fic in a reply to the prompt. honestly I figured I'd write whatever I could and then when I left it unfinished, no one would know because I was anon and I had like one fic posted on ao3 for ffxv at the time and I was used to being a complete fandom nobody. the fact that shadows growing got me even somewhat noticed was unexpected and I was not prepared gdjskgjdskl

it definitely affected the fic because once the readers started picking up it made me feel suuuuper stressed and I was so afraid to stray too far from canon because I thought people would hate that??? for some reason??? no there's logic there. I was just overwhelmed. and I do get why people love it, because the whump and the friendship between the boys is really good. but I cannot help but look at it and remember how out of my depth I felt at the time and wish that I had been brave enough to diverge more from canon and smart enough to come up with a better ending. I still suspect there were quite a few people who felt let down by the ending and that's fair honestly. anyways, yeah, it's a good fic and I'm fond of it and most of the attention and the recs it got were in the first couple years of the game being out and I don't begrudge it being my most popular fic, I just. have better ones now I feel like gjsdgjskgsj but maybe not ones as many people would want to read. which is fine with me tbh.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

the gladio oneshot in my "fayth's daddy issues week" series! (I wrote all those fics so back to back that I can't remember the titles for any of them whoops.) I adore that fic and it got so little attention compared to most of the other fics in that week, or my fics overall tbh. the only one that got even less was the one about iris 🤣 but I don't care much for the iris one either, even though I think it has some stellar banter between the boys and cute/funny prompto/gladio moments. I really love the gladio one though, because it was fun to revisit gladio's pov in a fic and I got to develop a bit of backstory for him that's been evolving into headcanon and there's a good chunk of ignis and gladio friendship that was the precursor to all their friendship in monsters, plus I got to make gladio cry, so. I love it <3

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

characterisation, for sure. it's the one thing I agonise over and actually worry about what readers might think at times, especially as I get further away from having played the game to keep it fresh in my mind. so anyone commenting that it feels right makes me roll around on my bed in glee. the other aspect I equally enjoy is people commenting on the emotions. like, that the ones I wrote the characters having feel real/deep, that it made the reader feel them too, etc. stuff like that. cos the emotions are literally why I write fic lol.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I am dumb and am struggling to understand what this question is asking, tbh. is it like, do I write for as many fandoms as I read, or something? because fuck no in that case, haha. the only fandoms I've done major writing for (more than one or two fics) are gundam wing, digimon adventure, final fantasy x, and final fantasy xv. and I've read for something like 100 fandoms, idk. at one point I had a list but I stopped keeping track eventually.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

well… I didn't really understand the concept of characterisation for fanfic until a little before I started writing for ffx. so uh, it's kinda non-existent in my gdw and digimon fics. but once I actively started trying for it… honestly maybe just yuna from final fantsy x. I had some things featuring her meant to be longer fics that were set during the game (most of my posted stuff is set pre-canon, with no yuna in sight) but I never finished and/or posted them because I always felt shaky on yuna's characterisation. I don't think I've majorly struggled with anyone in ffxv to the point that I've felt too dissatisfied with characterisation to post. but at the same time I'm sure none of them are actually perfectly right xD but they FEEL more or less right to me, which is all I care about.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

noct. I mean. he's my blorbo for a reason xD my beloved, I relate to him so much and the rest of it I just project lololol. I make a point to not actually just write myself as noct, cos I personally ain't about that, but it feels very easy to write him without needing to think too deeply about his thoughts/feelings/reactions most of the time. they feel instinctual to me, even when it's something that would differ from my own thoughts/feelings/reactions if I was in a similar situation.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

YES and the answer to this question is one of the reasons antis/purity culture upsets me so fucking much. it's a personal/sensitive answer though so skip if you don't want to read that xD but. reading rape/sexual abuse & aftermath fics as a teenager is what helped me to understand that, even though there was no outright rape happening, I was still being abused. seeing my favourite characters have the courage to tell someone about their abuse and get help is what encouraged me to tell one of my friends during an AIM conversation late one night when I was sixteen, and she convinced me to tell my therapist at my next appointment, who then told my mom, and yeah let's just say that was a very significant and eventually positive impact (it was a rocky road) on my life. if none of that had happened I genuinely think the CSA would have continued escalating into eventual rape. so thank FUCK for fanfic and I seethe with rage every time some shitfuck anti tries to claim there's no good to be found in such fics. plus in general it just helps with my mental health and I've made plenty of friends through fic over the years, even if they come and go I'm still grateful to have known them for that time, and writing fic is the one thing that gives life any meaning for me, etc. so yeah I'd say at least 99% positive.

and now, I will add a few to answer, because you said I could lmao

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

it is a toss-up between horizon road, an ffx fic featuring a toxic, fucked up relationship between tidus and auron that I still really love, or endless skies, a really self-indulgent digimon fic. they're both old at this point, horizon road I started in 2005, and endless skies was in 2016. horizon road suffers from me having no solid ideas for it beyond the three chapters I wrote, and endless skies is painfully fully outlined, but it was such a hard, research-intensive fic to write for a number of reasons, and now looking at it also just reminds me of an ex-friend who I feel very negative towards (because I talked to them a lot while plotting/writing and they even wrote some of the smut scenes for me, though I've since removed those) and even if I wasn't still deeply entrenched in ffxv, I don't think I could bring myself to ever work on it again :/ which sucks because I did adore it very much.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

…okay, I think anyone who has read shadows growing and then has also read or even looked at my ignoct fics knows that the ignoct is very much present in shadows growing gjdskgjsk as much as I will swear up and down it's platonic, and people certainly can take it that way if they want, like. come on. it's there. at a point, it very much was intentional. BUT. it did start out accidental. the og prompt asked for either gen or OT4 and I don't ship OT4 so I was gonna do gen but noct and ignis kept blurring the lines when I started writing scenes with them gdsjkgdjkl aaaaand actually I didn't start monsters with the intention of it being ignoct either. (the ignoct bits in the first chapter I actually added in a rewrite of that chapter lmao.) nor the tiny little epilogue in heavy is the burden that nudges into hinting at ignoct territory. fuck, even the ignoct in my very first ffxv wasn't meant to be so overt as it was gjdsklgjks there's also tiny hints of it in some of my fayth's daddy issues week fics (not counting the one that's deliberately and stated to be ignoct).

…actually now that I'm writing this I'm realising very little of my ignoct has been deliberately planned at the start 😂 the sequel to shadows growing, grey skies, was planned, at least xD the promptio that shows up towards the end of the fic was an accident though gjsdkgljslk it just. happened??? I didn't even LIKE promptio when I started writing that fic. huh. maybe accidental shipping is just my thing in writing ffxv fics.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

wanted to answer this one, because, I'm NOT talking in terms of other people here. I don't mean to sound dismissive or ungrateful, because I do appreciate the people who read my fics, it makes me happy, but like. it's not why I write OR post. I'm not "producing content" for people; if someone is unhappy with me for not posting more fics, that's their problem. but in terms of myself… yeah, I do wish I had more to post. not because I feel like I've got some kind of arbitrary quota to meet. like, quite frankly, I have over a million words of fic posted on ao3, and given that I have a single unposted fic that's over 600K alone, I'm positive I have at least 2mil total words written. it's just that I wish I could write more consistently/frequently? I feel like I never write as much as I want to, and I know a lot of it is because of my worsening health, so maybe that's why I just feel so frustrated and dissatisfied with my output, but man, sometimes I look at my number of posted works on ao3 and feel like it's such a low number for how long I've been writing ): both for ffxv specifically and for all my fics total. I know it's silly, but the feeling persists nonetheless.

thank you again for the ask!! I feel happy getting to answer questions and ramble about my fics :D and it was really fun to think about my answers and realise a thing or two haha.

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️There Can Only Be ONE Best Boy☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 4 “Slip N Slide”

I decided, for both to give my followers less of spoilers and for some flare, I would cheaply draw over some screenshots.

For the Purple Team's reward, they got a waterproof tent. But they neglected the fireproof tent as a result, and the producers weren't careful with last challenge.

Nick would be, understandably, terrified of the place, and Alec would be like "Wow, this is an improvement" but look at it so stoically.

So, welcome back to Arson Camp!

Let us continue with the chaos!

Fiore's chilling by the fires, probably writing some AO3 fanfics.

What fandom would Fiore be in? I'm curious.

I feel like this six year old would be into something violent like Mortal Kombat.

"A girl like you should not be awake at this hour."

*looks over at my clock*

Lilly you don't have to call me out like that.

"I don't even listen to my own mom and she thinks she can control me?!"

If you weren't six, I would say slay and tell them what's for...

But you're six. So...

"If you were feeling safe, I've got bad news for you."

Welp, Lilly's gone. I called it.

OH GOD NO!!!

WHY?!?!??!?! HOW DOES THIS BENEFIT YOU!??!??!?!?!

I feel like this was my fault because I made the fire joke.

Fiore was like, "You know, I had this weird feeling that some viewer named AnalyzGolden was watching us and she told me to burn shit. And now I suddenly have the urge to do it."

Goddammit me.

What next? The characters in that heading get eliminated today?

The subtitle again. I CAN'T with these parenthesis XD

(I have subtitles on because sometimes I mishear stuff when I watch stuff the first time)

"I'm not going to be part of this argument."

*holds back a laugh* Alec's actually so based for that.

Y'all want less DRAMA in TOTAL DRAMA?

Simple answer.

You just walk away from it.

"I think I know who did it." *Among Us Music*

*chokes on breath*

NO. NO.

DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?!?!

*rewinds*

NO THEY ACTUALLY DID THAT. OMG.

THEY MADE THE JOKE FOR ME.

I was making several Among Us jokes last episode.

I feel like I've become some overlord and they somehow hear me and do what I tell them.

"For some reason Golden is telling me I'm very SUS... huh, wonder what that means."

Fiore if you can hear me. I didn't say you had slay pass. I never said that.

The only one I gave slay pass was Grett.

You have to earn yours.

"Lill?! What in queen's name did you do?!" *sound effect*

Okay. Now it's getting a bit crazy.

"I don't think Lill would do this to us."

THANK YOU. THANK YOU ASHLEY.

"It's about psychology in different kinds of people."

"It says here that people who enter reality competitions and get tempted by money have the tendency to become more ruthless and emotionally manipulative to their advantage, derailing their personalities. If you'd like some examples from the many seasons of Total Drama, I'd be happy to give you an analogy."

"What makes you think I wouldn't want to read it?"

You're six.

"Well... fair point."

Okay. I guess that's not a point.

"It's a drawing. My son drew it for me."

Alec has a family?

I mean he did look older, I admit, but I didn't think anyone here had kids.

So is Alec in this game to help his family with funds? We got another one.

'List of Motives:'

'Fiore: Abandoned'

'Ashley: Save Farm'

'Jake: Help Grandma'

'Tom: Sus'

'Nick: Prove Himself'

'Alec: Family'

'Everyone else: ???'

"I'm just as confused as you."

I have NO IDEA what happened AT ALL. It totally wasn't me who flipped. I was sure Drew was the impostor!

"Then what if Drew voted for himself?"

He said 'Fuck this shit I'm out'.

"He knew things I didn't want anyone to know."

"I just can't tell anyone about my hobbies, okay?!"

"As long as Grett doesn't tell either of them I should be fine."

Hey Grett. Maybe you should tell Jake something. Just a thought.

...

WAIT I SAID THAT AS A JOKE, HOLD ON-

"For some reason I have the urge to tell Jake something. Huh, wonder who this Golden Voice is."

"I voted for Gabby because the boys told me to."

Was it Dan that suggested Gabby??

*looks back*

Actually no it wasn't. I was gonna call hypocrisy, but that'd be me complaining about something that's not there. Okay.

Alright I won't bully him. This time.

"Nobody can be trusted here."

"Nobody can be trusted here-anyway, Tom, who never shows his face, can I trust that you'll vote with me?"

"I'm disappointed that Dan voted for me."

Oh, you're actually affected by that. Wow.

Okay, here you go Gabby. You can have slay pass. ⚔️

Use it for whatever you want to eliminate with. If you want to use it on Dan, go ahead. I don't care if he goes tbh.

I just realized most of my favs are on the same team XD

Oooh, swimming episode!

Tom is STILL in his suit XD

"Hey uh, Tom, the sun can't reach you if you're underwater. I don't think you need to be wearing that. You don't want to get your normal clothes wet, right?"

"Eh I never found use for a swimsuit anyway! Besides! The sun will dry them up quickly!"

"Doesn't that go against what you told us earlier?!"

"My relationship with the sun does not concern you! No it's not toxic what are you talking about?!"

But he's not wearing the hoodie anymore! That's an improvement!

I feel like we're gonna get a Tom face reveal at some point, right?

Oooh.

I didn't think there would be a cabin.

And a phone to call home? PLEASE tell me they take advantage of this and we learn more about these characters homelives!

"You're not yelling and talking nonsense... I like it."

Grett. You're so awful. I love you.

I have such BAD TASTES for favorites, don't I?

(Idk who the fan favorites/hated characters are)

That's not an english subtitle.

...I'm not gonna say anything further than that, cause I'm scared that the joke in my head is very offensive.

"What did you expect? Nobody likes you and everyone thinks you're crazy."

I... I mean technically she's right. Doesn't make it right to rub salt in the wound though.

I still love you Gabby. Don't worry.

"Have you lied to me too?"

"Of course."

Oh WOW.

I did NOT expect her to just be blunt and honest like that.

Why is a VILLAIN character so honest about what they do? That's such a unique character trait. I love how they're using it.

"For what it's worth, I believe you."

"You have no reason to lie. I've known you for a few days and you always put this alliance first."

THANK YOU ASHLEY FOR BEING THE SMART ONE ON THIS TEAM.

Fiore struggling to paddle, omg

"My hands are killing me. You think you can row for me if I pay you?"

Nick...

Nick, I'm waiting patiently for your character development. You better deliver cause you've annoyed me this episode and last episode. Jake's gonna take crown for best boy if you're not careful.

Also, she's a KID and can't even hold one paddle right.

"I'm already tired of always eating fish."

Yeah, that has to get tedious after awhile, especially if you guys are THAT hungry and have no choice.

I hate seafood. I wouldn't survive.

"What are you craving?"

"Chinese takeout. I always order that at home."

My sibling actually loves Chinese as well... I'm a Mexican person, though.

"There's a restaurant I live near that'll knock your socks off. We should go when this is over."

TOM. Are you... ASKING HIM OUT?!

"Hey, your eyes... they're pretty. I never noticed since you've always got that hood on."

AWWW AND THE RETURNED FLIRT?!

THE BLUSH, OMG

...yeah I kinda hope you kiss now.

This is how you make relationships Total Drama. You meet. You get along. And you be cute.

And I am waiting for this to go horribly wrong cause in shows like this, nobody gets a happy ending.

Except Mike & Zoey I guess.

"Maybe them fighting is good news."

"If we found popcorn it would be a fun movie to watch. I'm just saying."

"Honestly, a million dollars would make my life so much better."

"What would you spend the money on?"

"I want to study fashion design. Just don't have the time or money. Back home, I have to juggle two jobs that barely keep me afloat."

That has to be THE most relatable Young Adult experience ever.

I hate that I have a privilege from my parents to go to a college I don't even like.

Add that to the list...

'Ellie: College Finance'

"*Ellie clicks the check*

*Spawns an ad on USAA*

OH NO! THEY LIED!!!

Ellie's real fear is her finances XD"

I PREDICTED THIS LAST EPISODE AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT

"Dear lord up above, why must you forsaken me on a canoe with this wretched child?!"

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!

Stop hating Dan, me. He didn't do anything.

And two seconds later I laugh at his expense 😂

"It's not the first time I've done this."

"Back in my day we had to canoe rapids just to get to school!"

"Back in grade school-"

Oh my god and she took my joke.

"The objective of the game is to knock your opponent into the lake."

*shoves Dan in the lake*

"Hey you guys talk about this Golden voice lately, I think she's bullying me. Why you bullying me?"

Do something and don't be sexist.

"First showdown will be Tom vs Alec"

If Tom loses this I'm in firm disbelief.

He has ninja skills.

Why is Jake the only one cheering and supporting his teammate?

This boy is precious. Look at him. He's PRECIOUS.

"Next showdown: Grett vs Ellie"

Sorry Ellie. I do like you, I swear.

THAT WAS A ONE SHOT. GEEZ.

"Golden told me to SLAY. So I slayed!" 💅

"Next up: Gabby vs Lill"

Gabby for the win?

Oh she's GOING THERE

"You forgot: Golden gave ME slay pass too!!"

Aw, she lost.

I guess that makes sense though cause it would be too easy.

"Hey that's not fair! She used Gabby's duel stick!"

"Eh it looked painful though so I'll allow it."

Chris McLean taught you well.

"Next showdown: Dan vs Ashley"

Kick his ass, Ashley.

GREAT. XD

OMG are you kidding me?! XD

"We too are aware of Golden's presence! So we decided to entertain her with pinning the best boys against each other!"

"Sorry Golden, but here in Disventure Camp, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE BEST BOY."

OH GOD HE'S PISSED

NUT SHOT

I REPEAT. WE HAVE A NUT SHOT.

"Jake scores! The Teal Team win Immunity and reward!"

Welp, guess that's that. The show has decided.

Unless Nick stays, which is pretty likely, so.

FOR NOW, Jake has my crown as best boy. We stan a guy who has no shame in denying another guy the right to have kids.

"See that's my own personal true personality reveal Golden! I'm an asshole too, just like Grett! Don't you love me?!"

Yes. Yes I do.

"Listen Nick, can we talk?"

Yes. Please talk. Please work things out.

"I think I've heard enough this morning to decide who I'm voting for."

"You don't have to behave like that, Nick!"

Why is Ashley the most reasonable character on this team?!

TELL HIM OFF.

"At least give Lill a chance!"

"I've already made my decision. Cheers."

Now I have even less regrets siding with Jake over you.

"I think we should vote together and take control of the team."

And here's where Alec and Ellie become swing votes.

Ellie's just the outlier here. "Um... I didn't ask to be a part of the villains team, why am I put on it? I didn't do anything wrong!"

I didn't put you there, Ellie. That was not me this time.

"I feel like I can be myself around them."

Ellie meanwhile, "WHERE'S THE EXIT?! SAVE MEEEEEE"

"Lill, it genuinely frightens me that you handle kids."

Just shut up.

"If I had a kid, I wouldn't let em anywhere near you."

"And I never will because SOMEONE busted my balls today!"

Ashley, once again, being the most reasonable one here.

'LILL'

Yeah, yeah, we know.

'FIORE'

'FIORE'

'NICK'

O_O

OH. GOD.

'NICK'

I-

I-

I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS MY FAULT.

I SHOULD NOT HAVE PUT HIM IN THE HEADING.

I CAUSED THIS.

"Because you're one of the worst in the challenges. Also, I can't stand you."

Wow. It really was that petty.

Tom, what ninja shit are you doing this time?

Pfft. He's a bad spy.

"Uh, I am standing right here and can see you!"

Alright, that was Episode 4...

Damn. I shouldn't have put Nick in the heading. I cursed him and caused his elimination.

I thought they were setting up a lot of character development for him cause I felt like he had an interesting story with his parents and wanting to prove himself...

But no. He did absolutely none of that and continued to be a spoiled lazy entitled snob up till his elimination.

And like... sure? If you need early boots?

Why couldn't it be Dan? Smh

This episode took what I said last episode and said "UH UH. You can only have one best boy as your choice. That's the rule." And forced them to fight for that position.

But if we had to choose between the two, I can't argue with Jake.

Idk who the favorites/hated characters are, and I feel like I have bad taste. One's an actual bitch and very open about it. But you know what? Gabby and Jake are sweethearts who deserve to be stanned.

Gabby is fun. She's full of personality. People are outcasting her for no reason and it's sad. I want Gabby to use her slay pass and revolt. Girl has done nothing wrong in her entire life.

And Jake? Come on. He's precious. He's a sweetheart. Look at him. And he takes no shit apparently. Man has done nothing wrong in his entire life.

I feel like Lilly's going next just cause she knows too much. But if that leaves Ashley alone to be the saving grace of the team till the merge I can't argue. I like her quite a bit.

I also like that Ellie and Alec are doing stuff now. Oh how the tables have turned.

They both have motives that are quite empathetic. It's so nice.

Why you working with the demon child though?

"I didn't ask to be put in hell with her Golden! I just wanted to make fashion! LET ME OUT!!!"

#SaveEllie

If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know.

[mewnekoice-mecha]

Brainrot idea for a small Isekai Shadow moment. This is just something I thought would be funny

@zumbieve

Shadow couldn’t believe he let Amy talk him into doing this. The thing in question, Helping a Cat mobian sing a song for the local fundraiser, normally he would have no problem saying No. However the fundraiser is for Helping kids with chronic illnesses, he……may have caved in quicker than usual.

“Thanks again for doing this Shadow, it really means a lot.” The cat mobian, Lily, told him.

Shadow closed his eyes for a moment before turning to her. “Don’t worry about it.”

They were waiting backstage for their turn to perform. Shadow was a little annoyed at himself but decided to let it go just this once, however he is confused on why Amy insisted on putting makeup on him.

His eyelids had a bold red covering them, and his eyes were lined in red as well. He will admit, its not a bad look just different.

Meanwhile, in the audience

“Amy what’s so important that you practically dragged me here?” Sonic asked confused and a little annoyed since he hadn’t seen Shadow all day.

Amy just looks at him smug, “ You’ll Thank Me for This later, just wait.”

Sonic rolled his eyes but settled down. “If you say so ams.”

~

The fundraiser was well underway, and Sonic had to admit it wasn’t bad. The music, food and entertainment wasn’t a complete joke, but he was still confused on why he *needed* to be here. He was about to leave when he heard something shocking.

SHADOW?!?!!!

~

“For the next performance, it’s a duet with the lovely Lily and her partner Mini Shadow.” The mayor announced before leaving the stage.

Shadow glared at the mayor for the mini comment, as he and lily come onto the stage.

Lily spoke to the crowd, “ Hey everybody hope you’re having a blast. The song we’re about to sing is an original one by me and shadow here. Have you ever fallen for someone that people told you was bad news, then this one is for you. HIT IT BOYS.

~Morally Grey (April jai ft. Nate)~

Lily Shadow

The crowd cheers as the stage goes dark. Lily is sitting at a desk *talking* to a mirror.

He's got blue eyes, crooked smile

Knows that he drives me wild

Can't help myself

No I'm not in denial

I know he's no good for me

But when he gets down on his knees

*She turns to the crowd*

He's so eager to please

Knows the right frequencies

Worships me slowly

Tells me I'm his only

They say he's morally grey

What can I say?

Grey's my favourite color

Oh oh

*She smiles softly at the crowd as they cheer, one of the audience members even held up a I love you sign*

Grey's my favourite color

Oh oh

They say he's morally grey

What can I say?

Grey's my favourite

*Shadow strolls up behind her and *talks* to the crowd. Sonic could hardly believe his eyes, Shadow was on stage and he looks AMAZING. He had to shake his head to knock that thought down so he could pay attention*

*Shadow stares over the crowd with a heated look and smirk*

What can I say?

No, I don't pray

But for your body, I'll worship

*Screams erupted, mainly from the female audience. As he sweeps his heated gaze over the audience, he spots sonic and decides to mess with him a little. So he purposely walks towards him as the crowd screams. He reaches sonic and tilts his head up using his hand*

Boy, don't be afraid

My love's a grenade

Just be a good boy, you can take it

*Sonic blushes brightly and almost faints. Several women DID faint*

Call me insane

But for you, I was made

I'd burn the world down if it'd make you feel safe

It's you that I crave

And nothing compares to your taste

*Sonic checks out mentally and doesn’t even realize that Shadow had moved away. When he finally gets his bearings the performance had ended*

~

“Well,” Amy said looking all for the world extremely pleased.

Sonic turns his wide eyed stare at her. “You were right.”

She smirks, “I know I am, honestly if this fundraiser wasn’t for chronic illnesses, I doubt I could have gotten Shadow to agree.”

Sonic hums, “ Hey Amy.”

“Yes, Sonic,” she replied.

“Catch me,” that was all he managed to say before flat out fainting.

[fizzing-imagines]

Playtime Pt. 2 | Daycare Teacher! Billy Hargrove x Reader

Warnings: Giving birth ig?

Words: 1.3k

"I'm gonna keep it...just so you know.", you mumbled after a while. Your fingers were playing with the hem of your shirt while preparing yourself for what he might say. "And I wanna be in it's life, so we got that figured out.", he said while looking out of the window. "Just...the co-parent thing." You let out a "Mhm." in response. "I mean, you're not ugly. I'd date you, if you let me." He looked over to you, and what he said honestly made you laugh. "Charming.", you commented. "Honestly Billy, I'm a lot. I've got severe mental health issues and a best friend you need to get through beforehand." He shrugged his shoulders. "Sweetheart, I have diagnosed PTSD. It's not much easier with me." He gave you a smirk and you laughed once more. "Wanna trauma-bond?"

Billy took you out every other day, doing his best to keep it hidden from Ari. Jenny, of course, knew about it. But you didn't need Ari to tell everyone at daycare. He went to every appointment he could with you, got you whatever you craved and touched you like you were made of porcelain. Nobody has ever been softer with you than Billy was. "I'm trying to make you mine before he or she pops out.", he said to you once, and he would be damed if that wouldn't work. But judging by how it was going, he was going to reach that goal.

"You're a mechanic?", he asked you in disbelief one evening. Your head was resting on his lap while the two of you were watching the stars. "Pretty damn good one, too.", you added with a proud grin. "I've always liked cars. My brothers couldn't be fucked to help my dad with his car, so I always did. And in high school, I decided to make my hobby my career." Billy gave you a low hum while stroking your head. "Wanted to be a mechanic too.", he said. "But I taught swimming to kids when I was a teenager, so I took that road from there on out." You listened to him carefully, then added a "I'm happy you took that road." once he finished. He smiled down at you while tucking your hair behind your ear. "Now that you mentioned your family", Billy started. Shit. "did you tell them yet? About the baby?" Billy would find out eventually, he couldn't know that it was a bad topic for you. "All dead.", you said while looking back at the stars. "They died of carbon monoxide poisoning on Thanksgiving three years ago." Billy felt guilty for asking. "Oh...I'm sorry, sweetheart.", he said. You shrugged and said "It's okay, you didn't know." Now that he mentioned it, you were curious as well. "Did you tell them?" He looked away for a second, clearly thinking about something. "Max knows, and she's actually surprisingly excited to be an aunt." He smiled at those words. Max was his step-sister, you knew that much after seeing a picture of the two at his place. "I don't talk to the others anymore. Too much trauma." You reached out for his hand and took it into yours. "I'm sorry, Billy.", you said before placing a kiss on his knuckles. He smiled at you, was silent for a few seconds and then said "You know what would make me feel better?". It was odd how quickly he could change topics, but you knew that that was what trauma can do to people. "What?", you asked with a smile on your face. "If I could kiss you." Your cheeks flushed at his request, but you didn't need to think much about your answer. "I'd like that.", you replied with a smile. Billy leaned down, held your face carefully with one hand and kissed you softly.

This went on for months. Whenever you two didn't see each other for more than three days, Billy felt like he was going insane. As soon as he had you in his arms again, he'd greet you and then the baby with a kiss. When the two of you were at his apartment, he talked to the baby for hours. He knew so much about children and how they develop, but seeing his own child grow was so much different. Unfortunately, he couldn't be there when you found out the babies sex, but you were buzzing to tell him. "Not that I won't love a boy, but I'd be ecstatic to have a little princess.", he said to you while resting his hands on your growing stomach. You put your hands in top of his with a smile across your face. "It's a girl, Billy." Your voice was soft, causing him to almost melt on the spot. Once again he pulled you into a hug, a long one, and you swore you felt a tiny wet spot on your shirt. "Shit, you've made me the happiest man alive.", he whispered. You smiled while patting his back. "I believe I can make you even happier.", you said after a while. He let go of you and looked at you with a slightly confused facial expression. "Be my boyfriend. Please?" Now he was grinning ear-to-ear, but instead of hugging you he leaned forwards and kissed you. Of course, you happily gave into the kiss. He leaned his forehead against yours once you broke the kiss. "Nobody ever made me as happy as you did, sweetheart.", he whispered. "I love you. And our princess.". You could feel some tears forming in your eyes at his words. "I love you, too. Both of you." Your voice was shaky, vibrating in both love and adoration.

Next month, the two of you already moved in together. He didn't let you do any of the heavy lifting, saying he'd do it so you won't hurt yourself or the baby. It only took two more months after that until your baby girl was born. She decided that it was her time while Billy was in the middle of his work day, changing a full diaper that was already leaking. "Gotta get used to this, won't I?", he cooed at the small boy on the changing table. The toddler giggled at his tone, showing a toothless grin. "Billy?" His coworker was frantically looking for him. "Billy?" She looked into every room, every corner until she finally found him in the bathroom where he was putting on a new diaper at this point. "Billy!", she said while skipping inside. "What's up?", he asked without looking up. "Your girlfriend called, she's in labour.", she said out of breath. He stopped in his tracks and looked up at her. "What? Well, can I leave? What do I do now?" Now he was panicking. Can he just go? Does he have to finish the day? "Don't just stand there, go!", she rushed him while changing positions with him. He's never rushed out of work faster, quickly grabbing his things and starting his car. Luckily, you two talked about in which hospital you'd give birth before. The 15-minute drive only took him 10 minutes, then he was already rushing through the entrance and was lead to you. To his relief, you weren't in much pain yet as you were given pain killers.

Your daughter truly didn't want to wait anymore, as she was born two hours after Billy's arrival. While there were complications and she had to be delivered via C-Section, Audrey was born healthy. While you rested up, he held her close to his chest and cooed at her to make her feel better. To Billy, she was the most beautiful and precious girl in the world.

And he'd be dammed if anything happened to his new family.

[crescentmoon-flower]

Rewatching winx season 4 for nostalgia and realizing how wierd some things are

Ep1

Why is this intro actually fire??!

Ah yes, now they're the teachers

I actually admire season 4 for allowing the protagonists to grow up

"it almost makes me miss the trix, even they were less agressive"

TECNA MY LOVE BE SASSY MORE OFTEN

Grizelda, How exactly were they supposed to know that the room has been changed?

Also, ROOM singular? Are the teachers grouped too? Why don't the girls get their own rooms?

...griselda don't encourage students to be like the winx,  you don't want more girls to put themselves in mortal danger

Are the keys to the hall of enchantment custom made for each teacher? What about no fairy teachers? Do they just not get access?

Why is this hall inside a school? Actually maybe the building became a school after

WHY ARE YOU IGNORING STELLAS QUESTION FARA?

Blooms picture is in the book of fairies, Why exactly?

"A level above enchantix" and here begins the contradiction

The animation here looks wierd?

Yes bloom just walk off mid speech

Why was the wizard's painting covered?

Wait.... were they trapped in the painting? This brought up way too many questions

Awwwww,

musa ruffling rivers hair

helia being a perfect jentleman

stella poking Brandon

Oh right He's king now. Ah plot consistency, may you rest in peace

Grizeda rocks that look though ngl

No previous planning? To shame bloom, to shame.

Yeah I honestly wouldn't be all that impressed with those tricks either

Actually good lesson here, good job techna and aisha

Why don't bloom and Stella know the damn course plan?

Why is clarice saying this infront of several people?

How don't the teachers notice clarice just walk off?

How didn't Alice feel the box being put in her bag???

I like the original enchantix song more

What is the physics of that morphics surfboard?

Also Why did she use/make it? Feels useless to me

Why detonate it on the punching bag flora's turn?

Why did they have no protection in the first place? There was open fire?

Jeez, obviously alfea and cloud tower have very different punishments, the trix got away with so much worse, 

...actually maybe that's why the repercussions are so harsh now

Rip alfea's barrier (season 1 episode 2)

Ogron's so pale,  like did they forget to colour in his face??

And here begins anagan x flora, with a single hello

Smh flora you naïve girl, did you learn nothing in these last three years?

Gantlos has anger issues confirmed, he's the stormy of the black circle

Why the flora abuse this episode??

How exactly does that magic work? Were the wizards invisible? Or did they teleport? And if they teleported how did they know to do it right then?

They know blooms name and not her face? Even more questions...

I like this version of duman's voice, it fits him (rai's wierd accent)

I'd actually like a musa- gantlos rivalry, being immune to each others sound based spells, sounds like a good plot point

"Well that was fun"

Ogron is a masochist confirmed

..Merlin? Did he exist in the magical universe?

EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROLE LITTLE MAN, GO BACK TO SLEEP XD  🤣

...Dodging is impossible? Get Stella a basic self preservation class please

Ogrons magic is actually an interesting concept, too bad they don't use it to its full potential

Hold up are their fingers black? Why?

...but what if they last earth fairy is in alfea? Why give up on it so quick?

But why did clarice admit it?

"It's an ancient story"

Time line go brrrrr

Did faragonda give the girls an ancient important book? Why???? They didn't need the whole thing

Ep2

...I'm not saying anything on faragonda's explanation mainly because of the utter confusion and amount of questions it brings up

Musas up for a fist fight

...maybe all of roxy's confusion would have been ended if she mentioned morgana's name,  the girls know she's the queen now

Again, Time line go brrrr

How does making humans belive in magic weaken the wizards? this was never actually explained? Like they still had power before humanity forgot fairies?

"Where are we even going?"

Why don't you start with,  oh I don't know... EARTH???

Drama King helia, love it

Word spread to the boy's that fast? Wow

Aaaawwwww rivusa, Riven picking up musa and lifting up her mood, even if he didn't think up of it himself

Riven king of common sense

Sky's entrance was actually adorable, and hilarious

The change of music really made my heart drop for a second

Why the secrecy though? Couldn't they just go with the winx ?

When did techna copy all the books without the others knowing?

A teacher is a teachers pet

Oh poor wizgiz

WHY SO MANY TREES

oh right the pixy plot, yeah I'm not comenting on it beyond it was stupid and pointless

What luck,  they just so happen to come across a randomly rare magic butterfly

"Light and darkness in perfect harmony"

And yet the tree shows only fairies?

Also what luck that roxy just so happen to be in......

Actually, theory time:

What if when daphne sent bloom through the portal aiming for earth, she opened it close to a strong magical source, Morgana.

That would make more sense that a huge coincidence of two of the only magical beings on earth being in the same city

anyways

A promise never fulfilled, I wish we actually saw roxy bond with a pixy

[descendinginto-madness]

hsr headcanons part 2!! welt and himeko

i'm sorry everyone who keeps seeing my posts under hsr tags now i have a lot of thoughts i just wanna throw somewhere,,

welt and himeko because i started Thinking about them, i think their dynamic could be really cute really wholesome partially because they're much older than the trio (i mean i know himeko isn't super old either but i'd say she's like thirty something compared to the trio's... early twenties maybe?? even 19 in march's case idk she has small vibes)

these are not written with a romantic relationship between welt and himeko in mind (Alien Space manga made me rethink that a bit) but honestly feel free to interpret them however you wanna!! i generally don't really ship any crew members with each other so :3

Contains spoilers for himeko's hi3 lore

- Himeko being the only crew member that uses Welt's first name; she calls him mr Yang when they're talking to the trio or in some more formal situation, but when they're alone she calls him Welt

- also her noticing more than he thinks she does and subtly being like hey,, you can rely on me you know,, you should relax sometimes y'know

- even so him still having trouble doing that

- him being so worried about her always, maybe even more than about the trio in certain cases because he does not want to see her die again. he knows very well she's even more capable than the younger crew members but he can't help but worry.

- maybe they're in a fight together at some point and she gets hurt and it's kinda bad but not extremely bad, she'll live and be okay but he's still concerned. beating himself up over it even though she reassures him several times that it's alright because he was there and could've prevented it

- maybe him even feeling like it's his job to keep himeko safe in this universe since he has a better opportunity to do so right now

- on that note... their first meeting. you can't tell me he wasn't at the very least shocked when they first met and she probably noticed it,, her going like "oh?? you look surprised, have we met somewhere before?" and him shaking his head like "no, you're just very similar to... an old friend of mine, my apologies"

- himeko being probably the first person he tells about the different universes thing

- also them just,, feeling nice and safe in each other's presence. sometimes just chilling in the parlor car together, but not talking, just sitting in silence and reading or doing something else

- tbh,, just them. also himeko appreciation moment i NEED more of her in penacony

[soulless-angel25]

Riverrosetober 2023- Day 1, Prompt: Alternate Universe

When Rose first met River it was by accident, she was hoping through the dimensions- trying to find the Doctor. She landed in the right one, but not at the right time. It had been on an asteroid known for its wide market, she'd wandered around, following the device's beeping towards a two-hearted person.

Eventually she ran into them, literally. She ran into River, who she tentatively looked at, her voice wavering as his name slipped from her lips, "Doctor?"

Her voice had made River freeze, she looked at her, Rose Tyler-the Bad Wolf, the Woman The Doctor Loved, Defender of Earth, and many more titles. And a bittersweet smirk overtook River's face, "Sorry Sweetheart, I'm not him."

River's response had made Rose furrow her eyebrows as she looked between River and the device, she shook it- maybe it was malfunctioning? But nope, the reading was clear as daylight- HEARTS SEARCH: 2 | PEOPLE FOUND: 1 | DISTANCE: 2 ft RESPIRATORY BY-PASS: SEARCH | PEOPLE FOUND 1

"Are you a Timelord? But no- that wouldn't make any sense considering-" Rose's voice droned on, making River laugh.

She placed one hand on her shoulder, calming her down. Extending her hand Rose took it, "Professor River Song, Archeologist, Wife of The Doctor. And yes- I'm a Timelord, naturally born- mind you. Pleasure to meet you Rose Tyler. I do believe he'd hinted that I'd met you at some point but I thought he was simply joking. Never know with that man."

River said it all so easily, but Rose's mind was spinning. Focusing on one part of what she'd said, "...wife of the Doctor...?"

At that point Rose's recall had activated, pulling her back to Pete's World. And with her sudden disappearance, River cocked her head. A smirk spreading across her lips as she laughed, "Rose Tyler. How interesting," with that she continued forward to get the thing she'd been there for. The interaction lingering in her mind.

Then there'd been their second meet, several years had passed for River. But for Rose only 2 or so years, considering what River had said, they had the correct Dimension, just not the place or time. So when she jumped this time she was quick to look around, not quite sure when or where she was.

Finally her eyes landed on something that gave her an idea, "New York." she sighed, "At least it's Earth this time and-" she pulled out her phone, "April, 2012. Damn it."

But it was close, closer and more accurate than some of the other jumps. They were getting better at making sure she landed in the correct dimension, and time was getting more and more accurate. And yet she still shook her head, turning to come face to face with a statue. It's styling was unique, reminding Rose of more Greek clothing, at least- Rose thinks Greek. It's been a while since she looked at their outfitting so she wasn't 100% sure.

And the wings, nicely carved- though she wasn't one able to truly judge, the Doctor would know though- reminiscent of angel wings. She shook her head as she turned her back. Her mind spinning as she suddenly fell, she looked around-still New York but... something was different. She pulled out her phone again, eyes balking, "1938?"

Pushing herself up Rose started walking, trying to restart or fix her communicator, she'd fallen on it.

Behind her, Rose heard a slightly familiar voice, "Rose Tyler? What're you doing here in 1938?"

Turning, her surprise colored her voice, "River? I suppose I could say the same to you."

"Angels." was River's only response.

"...angels?"

"Weeping Angels, nasty things. Sends people back in time with a touch then feeds off their time," River explained.

"oh"

"Yeah, well. Luckily I've got a Vortex Manipulator. Need a lift?"

Rose nodded, "April, 2012 if you could. It's when I landed. 'bout noon I think?"

River said nothing, just simply nodded before pulling Rose close. Her arm wrapped and Rose's waist, practically melding their bodies. She gave a wink before she hit a button, pulling them forward. Rose stumbled a bit.

"Not nearly as nice as the TARDIS I'm afraid. But, best I can do."

And before Rose could respond River stole a kiss, "Bye Sweetheart~" and she was gone.

Rose touched her lips, a flush rising up to her ears. "Rose- an---- us? Ag--- ---er, do you ---y?"

The static coming in from the communicator roused Rose out of the state she was in, she pressed her mic, switching it on. "This is Agent Tyler, requesting pull back."

And if anyone had been looking that way, they would see a blonde disappear as suddenly as she had appeared.

They met many more times, sometimes in order, sometimes not. But, it is one of these that is most important.

Rose Tyler had just been left on a beach in Norway, the Meta-Crisis Doctor stood beside her as they stared at the spot the TARDIS had been. Slowly the two of them began to turn away before that glorious sound came back.

Rose turned sharply, her eyes narrowing in on the TARDIS. Once the doors opened she was ready to start yelling yet she found her voice stolen from her once she saw who was in the doorway.

"Hey," River said casually, as though her being there wasn't the strangest thing in the universes.

"You two want a lift back to Universe Prime?" she looked between the two of them.

Rose looked at the Doctor, and he looked at her. Through their eyes an understanding passed, this was their only chance. And neither of them wanted to be here.

Running to her Mum quickly Rose hugged her, apologies spilling from her lips. Jackie looked at her, then at the Doctor, and then at the TARDIS and the strange women standing in its doors.

She whispered one word, "Go." though her eyes betrayed her, tears slipping down.

Rose smiled and said, "I love you Mum." for the last time. Turning she hurried back and grabbed the Doctor's hand hauling the two of them past River and on board the TARDIS.

And the doors slammed shut as River hurried over to the console, her eyes flickering over to the Doctor, "Mind giving me a hand Sweetie?"

Numbly he moved forward, helping her pilot the ship. Eventually they landed, the ship thudding against the ground. River opened the doors for them, "Maglia, 34th century. No wars or revolutions of any kind take place until the 37th if I'm recalling correctly. It's a planet many people migrate to, if only to see the beauty of it. Warm almost all year round 'cept in the far North were it's quite cold-"

Her explanation of where they where was cut of when Rose threw her arms around River. Pulling back she pulled River into a fervent kiss, "Thank you," her smile was like the sun.

"No problem Sweetheart, good luck." River pulled back, she tossed Rose something, "Credit Stick, unlimited. Maybe see you later." she closed the doors of the TARDIS.

Rose and the Doctor stood next to each other as the Old Girl vanished once more, "Together?" "Together."

451 YEARS LATER

Rose sat down, a smile on her lips, "You ever think we'll see her again dear? It's been quite a long time, I wonder how she's been." "Silent as always, huh? Fair enough, not sure what I expect."

Beside Rose is a gravestone with no body, once she'd asked him- when he was getting older. What funeral rites were customary for Timelords, and when he'd passed she had done just that. Set his body alight on a pyre. Staying until the flames died and his body was nothing more than ash, and then she'd gathered that ash, placed it in a box. And dug a small, but deep hole just in front of the gravestone.

She sat, 4 centuries later. She sat next to his grave on Maglia. Her eyes closed, before springing open when she heard someone walk up and sit next to her. She looked at the person sat next to her, it took her brain a moment to recognize them.

"River?"

"Rose."

They both sat, looking at one another before River extended her hand. "What'd you say to some adventures?"

"What kind?" for the first time in a while something more than dullness was in Rose's voice.

"Oh- just the running kind I do think. But, perhaps maybe some domestics too, Sweetheart?"

A grin broke out across Rose's face as she took River's hand and pulled her close, "Well, I'd never say no to an adventure. Darling."

A competitive gleam appeared in River's eyes, she pulled Rose closer. Kissing her, "Well then. I suppose we should get started then."

[donnerpartyofone]

I can't believe I'm about to do this. I mean don't get too excited, it's not interesting, I'm just forced to talk about it because that's the only power I have in this stupid situation.

A couple weeks ago I was prescribed this new asthma medication, even though my problem is almost definitely from muscular-skeletal pressure but nobody can figure that out yet, so for now I just have this inhaler so I'm not constantly suffocating. The first time I took it at the recommended dosage I had a bad panic attack that took me out for an entire day. I reduced the dosage so I didn't feel dangerously insane anymore, but it still causes my fucking rosacea to go completely out of control, which is not really something I can just ignore; it drives me crazy that insurance companies just treat rosacea like it's some fancy cosmetic issue, as if it doesn't affect your entire life when your skin is visibly deteriorating at an escalating rate, but that's another story... So anyway I have a giant bag of medications that either didn't work at all or actively harmed me (my typical experience with everything) that I haven't disposed of yet, so I dug around in there for a tube of Rhofade that like I don't even know how I got it because it's the premiere celebrity-endorsed thing and it's psychotically expensive, but anyway I decided to give it another shot because I'm desperate. First couple days it worked great. I thought all my problems were solved, except that I'd have to find a way to keep paying for it. Then it seemed not so great for a couple days. Then things started to get pretty rocky. I wondered if it had to do with not being careful enough in the sun or what, but I started to worry about the medication, so I did something that will sound insane, but oh well.

Months ago I complained to my GP that I was having a hard time finding a "real dermatologist" in the city, as opposed to a salesperson for predatory beauty treatments. I've been treated pretty badly by a variety of dermos over 15 years, I often had the feeling that I was neglected because I had a medical concern as opposed to like an expensive anti-aging concern or something. Sometimes a dermo advertises themselves as a medical professional, but when you get there you realize they're a glorified beautician and you're fucked. I went to a well-reviewed practice that's now called The Dermatology Specialists several times, and every time there was a mad rush to get rid of me. The actual head of the clinic saw me a couple times, and both times he came running at me with a needle without telling me what he was doing, to try to lance a mole that I wasn't there to discuss. One of these was right over my eye and you can imagine how scary this was. I eventually realized I didn't have to take that shit and swore him off. Years later when I decided to look for a dermo in my new neighborhood, I made an appointment at a "new" place that I realized too late was the same guy; he had rebranded and expanded his thing into a giant chain that's all over the city, like half or more of the dermos in my searches are attached to his practice and it's not always obvious until the appointment is made. Fuck. I thought, maybe things will be different at this location, I'm seeing a new person and I'm the only one in the waiting room, seems pretty chill. I actually had to get a mole removed that time. I sat down with the new doctor who frantically explained what she was going to do to me before saying "OK BYE!!!" and racing out the door, which she had almost closed all the way behind her before she remembered that she still had to actually do the procedure. I couldn't believe I'd fallen for this clinic's bullshit yet again!

So that's when I talked to my GP and she wrote me a referral for what I took to be a real doctor. His office was clean, simple, and unpretentious. When I got there, an exiting patient was thanking the doctor profusely for something, like from the depths of his soul. We sat down together and he calmly denounced all the lasers and other expensive snake oil that had been upsold to me over the years. He told me to scale back to just a basic Aveeno face wash and moisturizer, and I was so relieved that he wasn't some greedy hipster asshole...however. He also told me that the active ingredient in Afrin, an OTC decongestant nasal spray, has the same effects as the top of the line rosacea medication Rhofade, and many of his patients have success just applying it to their skin. I was so impressed that he wasn't trying to sell me anything, and that he was empowering me to just take care of my own shit at home, that I believed him.

So flashing forward to the past week: I use this new inhaler that I need if I want to breathe, my face blows up like a bomb, I try Rhofade and it seems to make things worse...and then I buy some Afrin and put it on. It pretty much burned my face off my skull. My skin was purple and my face completely changed shape for more than 24 hours. I thought, at least I have this cold pack that's made for faces, for swelling from dental surgery and shit (it was recommended to me by my TMJ specialist who is also fucking with me right now but that's another story). I applied it, and it made everything a thousand times worse than it had ever been. I had to cancel all my plans. I took Tylenol, antihistamines, drank tons of water, whatever I thought would help. A colloidal oatmeal-based moisturizer kind of did something for me, but not remotely enough. It's a couple days later, now, and I'm still not completely over it, and I'm having random intense and painful flareups. I've never had exactly this problem before. And by the way "just using a moisturizer" has not helped anything at all this entire time, even though it's the advice I always get (sometimes VERY rudely) no matter what I say. Dry skin is not my problem, someone could tell just from touching it. Just being mindful of the sun and trigger foods and shit is not the answer. I know there's something else going on and like nobody cares to find out.

So anyway I'm having a followup appointment with my GP to explain all this...and in the meantime I'm going back to the fucking snake oil clinic. I just absolutely need something for right now, I don't know if it will be an antibiotic or what. I've spent years looking for a real medical dermatologist and I know I'm not going to just find one overnight, so I'm subjecting myself to more humiliation at the most convenient place, and I'll deserve whatever I get I guess. At least my appointment is with a guy I haven't seen before. Cross your fingers for me that he doesn't give me something else that just melts my face off of my face.

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 12/07/23

AND IT'S ACTUALLY ON A WEDNESDAY! Thanks @theviridianbunny for the tag <3 I regret to inform you ... it's more hair again @.@ (this one is actually different, I swear)

More under the cut, as usual~

Soooo if you've been following me you probably know I've done a few things since my last WIP Wednesday, namely more tattoo stuff, and more recently ... more hair stuff.

After a LOT of agonising over it I finally consider the neck 'done' ... or done enough (vaguely ... thinking about doing something more in the transition between the tattoo and the jaw but I probably should stop honestly or I'll never stop). This means I probably have enough done to get away with taking screenshots while I work on the rest of it. Been pondering drawing up an actual plan for the rest beyond what I've been doing so far - mostly winging it and smashing things together. Might get stuff done faster, who knows.

Anyway I am back on my hair shit, yet again that's going just about ... as well as you'd expect ...

Okay okay, I'll be honest, this has been fixed but I gotta say after spending a whole 12 hrs staring at lines of code, changing entries and having to redo them several times because I'd fucked up some file name or changed my mind or found out 'no that is not where you should be putting that folder you absolute dingus' and this was the best I could do was kind of hilarious. 😂

The important part was I'd gotten it IN, which was a process and a half, considering THIS time I'm using a custom made 2048px hair texture (alpha is 4k) and a higher poly mesh - which means yeah, this is the same hair rebuilt from scratch.

After some additional fiddling ...

... and a very unamused Ven (I'm sorry hun) ...

I got it in. All of it. No missing textures, no hair cards in the hair cap slot. The physics look janky but it's somewhat intentional - this is a minimal effort rigging job based on the alt rig, the priority was to get this hair texture IN so I could see how it looked in game and how everything sat before I dug myself further into a sunk cost fallacy over this second version of the hair.

And I'm actually pretty happy with it? There is some curl distortion yeah but it's not as bad as it was last time - and considering I'd rigged that one PROPERLY is saying something. Higher poly + textures are making a big difference here. It's pretty obvious in the comparison -

Also yes I am aware this one is WAY too shiny, but that one is a considerably easy fix now I know how Vertex Paint actually affects this value. I was a bit too generous on the highlight gradient so I've already repainted what I have so far, using side-by-side references with existing game meshes to try and get it 'equal' but it's likely gonna be a lot of back and forth calibrating with that one.

Excessive shiny-ness aside I'm actually REALLY happy with how the side curl is sitting nice and neat in her jacket collar this time! Also man ... doesn't that look silky ... (ok maybe some shine is good lmao)

I guess that's kind of it on the mod front. I've got other projects in a very initial stage (it's fanfic. Ofc it's fanfic) but work on both the tattoo bodysuit + hair is eating up a lot of my daily spoon allowance so that one will happen when it happens I guess (and probably when at minimum, this goddamn hair is done).

Oh and this hair is using UUH4V. I GOT IT TO WORK. Which means I'll be able to use multiple rigs which will hopefully prevent these carefully crafted curls from getting minced beyond recognition, fingers crossed.

Anyways until next time!

(Uh, I tag anyone who read all of this. Yes you. sorry I don't know many people yet and I'm shyyy)

p.s. yes hair tutorial. soon. In the case you are similarly frustrated and desperate as I was and working on hair please note I AM VERY OPEN TO TELLING YOU ALL THE INFO just ask me. Cause tutorial might take time unfortunately. But it's in the works.

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Batch Family: The Ninth of September

Part of my Bad Batch AU: "The Batch Family" [Collection Masterlist].

Word count: 990 | Batch ages: Multiple

Note: Since 9/9 obviously has to be the Batch boys' birthday, thought I'd take the opportunity to write a little something about it. It's been so long since I've written for this family, I miss them...

The Ninth of September | Celebrating the boys' birthdays through the years...

Their first birthday had been a spectacle. Beth had only had them for a few months at that time. She'd made it through the summer with them, working limited hours at her job in order to figure out a home routine, and thus sacrificing a lot just to ensure her new family got off to a decent start. But though there was still progress to be made for stability by the time September 9th rolled around, all of her family, friends, and apparently whoever else felt like it, still insisted on showing up, using the boys' birthday as a pretense for ogling her anomaly of a family.

Her mom hadn't yet gotten over her disapproval of the situation, pointing out every little mess in her home, and questioning every little decision Beth made for the boys. Her friends stood awkwardly about, treating her like she was a different person, like they'd never met her before and didn't know what to say. Her dad kept trying to slip her some cash, while the one set of grandparents she still had left were less subtle in their efforts to talk about her financial situation. And then there were plenty of faces she didn't recognize that had somehow wandered in, acting as if it was their business to be there, casting judgment and whispering comments under their breaths.

Thus, their second birthday was much more private.

Though the people in Beth's life had quieted down by then, she still chose to ignore any questions about planning a party and allowed herself to enjoy a birthday with her sons in peace. Well, in as much peace as five 2-year-old toddlers could manage. They ended up making a disaster of the kitchen as she tried using their help to make a cake. Flour on noses and batter on the walls, the whole bit. It was the most fun she'd ever had with them, the first time she gave herself permission to stop caring about being perfect. She would remember their unrestrained laughter and squeals of glee for years.

The next several birthdays were similarly private and energetic. She couldn't afford gifts and there never seemed to be enough friends for parties, so she made up for it with creative activities to make the day special. Crafts or games were the go-tos, with an occasional movie as they got older and could sit still longer.

Their ninth birthday was the "golden birthday," when their age matched the date, and that year she did splurge a bit and took them to see a soccer game in one of the bigger cities. That was the moment that started it all, the soccer obsession that would overtake their lives for the next several years. All she had wanted to do was distract them from the revelation they'd had earlier that year, about their birth parents and the fact that Echo's birthday was technically two weeks earlier and she'd pretended otherwise this whole time just to keep them from questioning the past until they were ready to understand it. And as a consequence she'd now have to deal with them being distracted by sports every day for the next decade. Oh well.

It wasn't until the were in the double-digits that she started inviting others again. She'd been back on good terms with her parents for a while but they had moved and visits simply weren't as convenient. But with the boys making more friends as they got older, she very well couldn't be that mom who deprived them of what everyone else had, and everyone else had birthday parties. Sure, the decorations were from the dollar store, and the only food she could offer was cheap pizza and a generic sheet cake from Costco, but young kids didn't care about such things. The fact they could say they had a party, and could be allowed to run around with their friends doing who-knew-what, that was enough.

Eventually, teenage angst got in the way, as it often did, so their fifteenth birthday was another tumultuous one. No one could agree on what do to celebrate. Wrecker and Echo wanted to keep things the same and just invite people over. Tech wanted to have more of an interesting outing, such as going to the newly opened cornfield maze. Hunter seemed embarrassed to want to do anything, and Crosshair was set on being contrary and arguing against any idea that was thrown out.

Beth had tried her hand at making a cake again, as a surprise, but ended up being so exhausted with their quarreling that she went to bed early for the night. The boys discovered the cake in the fridge later and felt awful, but not quite enough to snap out of their brooding, bickering personas just yet. No, those would continue to fester for a while longer.

But the nice, fun birthdays got back on track the following year, giving the Batch house a few more years of shared memories before they grew up too much. Eventually they graduated, started traveling, moving away, turning into adults with ambitions and futures. Birthdays wouldn't look quite the same after that.

All Beth could do was cherish the memories... and enjoy her flowers. She wasn't sure who started the tradition - she suspected Echo - but after the first year they had all been apart for their birthday in their twenties, they each started sending her flowers, every September 9th. Even though she hadn't been the one to give birth to any of them, they still felt she deserved some recognition for all the years she'd tried to give them a special day, even amidst any chaos or financial struggle or social awkwardness.

And toward each other, they'd acknowledge their shared day with nothing more than a simple Happy Birthday text in the group chat... Except Echo, who'd teasingly text back, Guess you guys forgot my birthday again...

~ ~ ~

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