#serotonin boost first thing in the morning

[sylvester-oak]

AAAAAAAAAAA my fave reblogged my art I can die happy now

@pop-goes-the-weasel you're my hero

"For your mother's sake."

[wileys-russo]

in the blink of an eye II a.putellas

its alexia angst hour bbys in the blink of an eye II a.putellas

in your early twenties life was good.

you were in love, you were happy, you were treated far better than you thought ever possible and you had one girl to thank for it, a girl you were head over heels for and a girl who practically worshipped the ground you walked on.

in your early twenties you fell in love.

your girlfriend was a professional footballer, you were studying law, your career paths couldn't have been anymore different and yet that was what was so perfect about it.

when alexia didn't want to talk about football, she'd encourage your passionate rambles about your studies, latching herself to your side where her chin would find a permanent home on your shoulder as you'd go on and on and on.

you knew really she didn't understand half of what you were saying, you knew she just needed a distraction, something to take her away. away from the pressure, the stress, the statistics, the training, the fans, the expectations which weighed heavily on her shoulders.

and for alexia that was you in your entirety, you were her entirety.

the way your smile would light up a room and your laughter could fill it with the most melodious sound, your joy was infectious and alexia found she started to crave it, fixated and dedicated to making sure a day didn’t pass where she wouldn’t see it, like an addict she needed to see the parly whites of your teeth, the little dimples in the corner of your mouth and the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled.

alexia knew you however hated your smile, you’d often use your hand to cover your mouth when you laughed or grinned and from one of the very first days she knew you the catalan would discourage this. alexia relished in the rosy pink blush which crept from the nape of your neck ever so slowly upward until eventually it filled with your cheeks with a warmth and a glow, a blush she could control with just a few sweet words and a kiss behind your ear to accompany it.

alexia adored you in every sense of the word and there wasn’t a thing she wouldn’t do if it made you happy, because when you were happy so was she. around you life felt that little bit brighter and lighter, the air cleaner and it meant alexia could finally breathe, take in large deep greedy inhales that filled her lungs and calmed her senses, to alexia you were a lifeline, her oxygen. wou were like a drug to her, a little boost of serotonin, a simple smile a shot of adrenaline coursing through her veins, to alexia you were everything.

until ever so suddenly, you weren’t.

in your early twenties your life came crashing down like a toddlers tower of blocks, and alexia was the collateral.

it was a normal day and it had started just like any other. your girlfriend slipped out of bed much earlier than you liked, and the night before you'd slipped into bed much later than she would have liked.

your studies were to put it lightly, kicking your ass. as was alexia's pre-season for barcelona, both of your schedules and commitments meaning early mornings and late nights falling in and out of bed, a few measly hours wrapped up together in one anothers arms.

but that wasn't the chip that befell the tree, nor was it anything you and alexia hadn't gone through countless times before. you knew what alexia needed and wanted sometimes even before she did, and visa versa.

or at least, you thought you knew.

once alexia got back from her morning run it was to the smell of eggs, chorizo and coffee. you were found in the kitchen finishing up breakfast, melting into your girlfriends arms as they wrapped around you and you mumbled that she was sweaty as her lips peppered your collarbone with feather light kisses.

"ale!" you laughed, foot kicking out at her as her hand smacked against your ass and with a cheeky smile reserved only for you she was disappearing into the bathroom

the breakfast dished up and ready alexia all but inhaled it as she stepped out of the bedroom dressed for training, your head shaking with an amused smile painting your lips as you sipped on a coffee, watching her and biting your tongue not to warn her about indigestion knowing you'd said it a million times before without any luck.

then with her training bag already meticulously packed the night before your girlfriend was kissing you goodbye, faking that she was leaving before returning to kiss you over and over again just to hear you laugh, and then she really was disappearing out the front door

it was your singular day off from school for the week and you had a mountain of work to catch up on so really it wasn't a day off at all. with your second coffee of the day in hand and the warm morning sun bathing the balcony you slipped out there, nala curling up on her bed as an airpod slipped into your ear and you opened your laptop.

the next time you looked up you realised it had been four hours and you could hear your stomach growling. you closed your laptop and stretched grunting loudly as you did and startling the tiny pomerain who raced off inside, nails clacking against the floorboards.

flicking your phone off of do not disturb you smiled at the flood of texts from your girlfriend, reading through them as you grabbed out a microwave safe container to reheat some soup you'd made the night before.

with it buzzing away you sent a few replies to alexia and left your phone on the counter, frowning as the sky had darkened and a quick check of the weather showed rain was impeding later in the afternoon.

so moving your study materials inside you shivered as a gust of wind blew and sent a chill down your spine, dragged ever so slowly through your bones as you changed course and headed for the bedroom.

missing your girlfriend and knowing this weather was a favourite between both of you for laying down wrapped up together you bypassed your own side of the wardrobe and went to alexia's instead.

"stupidly tall woman." you grumbled, stretching up to try and grab her favorite hoodie which she never went to a length too much to hide from you, hoisting yourself up and tugging it back down, squealing as several other items of clothing tumbled down with it and sending you to the floor.

"mierda." you huffed under your breath, sitting up and shuffling back out of the small mountain of hoodies. as you knelt and began to re-fold them you frowned feeling an odd lump in the pocket of one of them.

your girlfriend was normally nothing but meticulous in checking every single pocket, nook and cranny of clothing when she did laundry, so for something to have evaded her careful gaze was unusual to say the least.

though as your hand slipped into her hoodie pocket, fingers stroking soft crushed velvet, your heart rate began to accelerate as you realised maybe this wasn't an accident and rather something that had been hidden from you.

sure enough as your grip tightened and you slipped it out your heart sank at the small navy blue box sat in your palm. there was a very small voice in the back of your head which was yelling for you to put it back, pretend you hadn't seen and forget all of this happened.

however there was a much louder, much more convincing voice which was screaming at you to open it, to confirm that the dread settling in the pit of your stomach was justified, drowning out any and all sense of reason.

it was out of character for you to be like this, you were a curious person by nature however not one to go against the grain or ignore what you knew to be the voice of logic and sense.

yet here you were, and popping open that tiny crushed velvet box in your hand you knew you'd made a horrible mistake when you saw the glint of silver and immediately snapped it close, your body thumping back against the floor as you stared up at the ceiling in disbelief.

and just like that...the domino effect had started.

when alexia came home that night she was a little startled by how quiet the apartment seemed, the clicking of nala's nails across the floorboard melting that sense of wary a little as the catalan dropped her bag and scooped up the tiny pomeranian and kissed her nose.

"mi amor? estás en casa?" alexia called, slipping off her shoes and placing nala back down who followed along at her heels. "aquí." you replied curtly from the living room, causing alexia's frown to deepen at the shortness of your tone.

"amor, estás bien?" your girlfriend rounded the corner and barely got the words out of her mouth before it dried up, spotting you sat on the sofa and then immediately her eyes dropped to the little navy blue box sat on the coffee table in front of you.

"ale-" you started with a small sigh but it fell on deaf ears as alexia hurried over and snatched the box back up, clutching it to her chest with wide eyes and shock hammered into her features.

"jesucristo! princesa where did you-" alexia started, shaking her head stubbornly and puffing air from her nose in frustration as she tried to form a coherant sentence. "mierda." she grunted out, fingers pinching her nose as her bruntette locks were tied up messily into a post shower bun.

"i-i had a whole plan amor. a big speech, flowers, the beach!" alexia sighed, dropping to sit on the edge of the kickout with a shake of her head. "ale-" you tried again but she cut you off with a flick of her fingers.

"no no, vale vale. i can make this work! it is just you, sí? why should i be nervous? it is just you, and i love you." alexia smiled nervously as your heart ached seeing the obvious joy in her eyes, bile gathering in your throat as within a blink of an eye your girlfriend was suddenly down on one knee in front of you.

"i-i had so much to say. i have so much to say but my mind...it just goes blank sometimes. you are so-" her spare hand squeezed your knee as she chuckled and shook her head, clearing her throat.

"mi amor, i have loved you i think in a way since the day i met you. i would very very much like to keep loving you, every single day until my last day and then i want to find you and love you and be loved by you all over again in every single lifetime after that." alexia laughed still with an undeniable wobble of nerves, your nausea growing at what you inevitably knew was coming next.

"ale-" "so...will you marry me?"

the silence which hung in the air afterward was thick with something, alexia couldn't quite work it out nor could she read the look on your face at first, her heart hammering in her chest as she awaited an answer.

but then, then your features softened, the slope of your eyebrows curved downward and your jaw hardened ever so slightly, but if all of those little giveaways wasn't enough, as alexia's eyes bore into yours her stomach heaved into her mouth.

pity.

you were looking at her like you might a child who scraped their knee, or an animal thats hurt its leg and doesn't understand why, or like someone who needed to deliver bad news and really, really, didn't know how to.

"you do not want to." alexia realised suddenly, smile dying as her arm lowered slowly and your pained frown deepened. "ale..i can't." was all you managed to get out with a sigh, the box snapped shut with a sharp clack making you wince.

"you can't? what do you mean?" your girlfriend asked with an air of confusion, the box slipped into her pocket and out of sight as she took a seat on the opposite end of the lounge from you, barely able to meet your eyes which she felt burn holes into the side of her head.

"alexia, amor i am twenty three. i am not ready to get married yet, that is just...it is too much." you stammered, heartbeat so loud it was near deafening in your ears as you watched your girlfriends jaw harden as her eyes were trained to the floor.

"we do not have to get married now, we could have a long engagement!" her head suddenly snapped upward to look at you, not even trying to hide the slight air of desperation in her gaze as again all you could do was bit your lip guiltily.

"ale, it is too much, i am just not ready for that yet i-" you tried to reach for her hands but she snatched them away, pain flickering across her face as she suddenly stood, turning away from you as an uncomfortably tense silence settled.

"mi amor, por favor i-" you tried, her head shaking side to side. "no. i do not want your pity." her voice was cold, and you could see in her body language that her fuse was running dangerously short and she was teetering on the edge of shutting off or breaking down.

you didn't know which you'd prefer.

"i love you. do you not love me?" she turned, words sharp and accusatory as they flecked off of you like tiny pin pricks.

"alexia por supuesto que te quiero, i am so very in love with you. i just-" "you just do not love me enough to marry me."

if you thought the silence that bubbled and simmered its way up before was tense, it was nothing compared to the thick, sticky, suffocatingly horrid pause that ensued after her words as you struggled with what your own should be in response.

"that is not what i said." "you are not arguing it either."

you dragged your hands down your face with a deep and troubled sigh, suddenly wishing you'd never stumbled across that stupid little navy blue box in the first place but really even if you hadn't you'd just have been prolonging the inevitable.

"alexia i love you very much. but i am twenty three, i am in the middle of my studies and you are getting more and more well known by the day. i am so incredibly proud of you amor, proud to be with you. everything with us is so perfect, why does it have to change? why now?" you asked, your own desperation spat out inbetween each syllable as your girlfriend scoffed.

"change has to happen, we cannot stay like this forever. i want-i want to make you my wife, i want to buy a house, to start a family. why is that such a bad thing if things are so perfect?" alexia fired right back, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

"a family? ale i am drowning in student debt and exams and i have my internship next summer, hell some days we barely have an hour together! i go to school full time, you train two or three times every single day not to mention away games, national team camps, award ceremonies, business meetings. when are you expecting me to have a baby? or you? we do not have time right now! why are we rushing this?" you laughed though it was one of nerves and of anxiety, a sound which was shrill and desperate and panicked.

"because i love you and i want those things with you, i want the next step and i want a future with you, i want to marry you and start a family!" alexias voice raised as you quickly stood, chest heaving as you struggled to control your breathing.

"and what about what i want? what about my career? my dreams? my future?" you snapped back, pinching your nose to try and calm down as alexias jaw tightened even further and she began to pace back and forth.

"espere. let us just, let us take a second and breathe. i do not want to fight mi amor." your tone softened but if alexia heard you she made no move to show that, feet stomping a track in the carpet as she paced side to side muttering things under her breath.

"is there someone else?"

you choked on air at that, not quite sure if you heard her correctly as your head snapped up in utter disbelief, not able to see through the hardened gaze which bore right back at you clearly awaiting an answer.

"seriamente? i say i am not ready to get married yet and you assume that means i am cheating on you?" you scoffed, throwing your hands up.

"of course there is no one else alexia i just told you how much i love you!" "but you do not love me enough to marry me."

"that is not fair." you managed to get out, your voice cracking slightly as again the horridly thick silence returned, wrapping its way around your throat and tightening as you rubbed your neck with a grimace.

"what are you doing? where are you going?" you asked with a frown as without another word your girlfriend started to walk away, grabbing her keys off the counter as you hurried to catch up, nala barking happily assuming that meant it was time for a walk.

but the lead remained hung up on the wall, untouched.

"alexia-" you grabbed her wrist which was snatched away as if the girl had been burned by your touch, your face falling and stomach churning at the pain and the rage simmering in her eyes.

"amor por favor, we can talk about this more, we can listen to one another and get through this. you are angry, you are hurt, embarrassed even i understand that. but i don't-" you tried again to grab her wrist, stumbling backward as she once more yanked her arm away.

"if you are not ready to marry me today, then you do not love me the way that i love you, and all of this, it feels like it has been for nothing." her words hit you where it hurt as you visibly deflated, clutching onto the counter and looking back at her with tears brimming in the corner of your eyes.

"alexia..." but it was too late, the door opened and slammed closed and suddenly that hand which was wrapping its way around your throat returned.

the suffocating tension and anxiety tightening like a boa constrictor you gasped and choked for air, fighting an invisible foe as you slowly sank down to sit on the floor, tucking your knees to your chest and struggling to fill your lungs with oxygen in short shaky sobs.

in your early twenties life was good, in your early twenties you fell in love and found out what it felt like to be loved.

in your early twenties you had everything you could possibly desire, and then in the blink of an eye, all of it was gone.

~

"cereal!" you smiled and reached for the box that her chubby little finger was pointing at. "this one?" you raised an eyebrow as the three year old clapped gleefully, swinging her legs where she was sat in the shopping cart.

"more cereal!" posie grinned as you laughed. "no more cereal nena, we have to get real food so you grow up big and strong!" you poked at her stomach, little giggles sounding which always made you melt as you smiled and kissed her cheek, straightening back up.

though before you could push the cart even a millimeter forward you heard your name, glancing over your shoulder and eyes widening as they landed on who that voice belonged to.

"i thought that was you. you grew your natural hair out, no more blonde." eli smiled kindly as your heart hammered in your chest and you forced a smile of your own which didn't quite meet your eyes.

"sí, it was too expensive to maintain. uh, cómo estás?" you asked a little awkwardly, your body shielding the shorter woman from the toddler behind you as best as you could.

"her hair is not the only thing she grew." you jumped a little, startled as someone moved past you and appeared next to eli, alba's eyes glaring daggers at you as you shifted, unsure quite how to respond.

eli however was quick to, elbowing her younger daughter and mumbling something with a frown as the girl rolled her eyes and walked off, her animosity not surprising as much as bumping into them had been.

"lo siento, she did not mean to be rude." eli apologised sincerely as you nodded, catching her eyes peer around you and a small smile paint her lips as you stepped to the side, posie grinning at the woman who made no move to step forward.

"this is mariposa, posie for short." you explained, wishing the ground would swallow you up as eli waved to the toddler who smiled, reaching around and trying to grab the box of cereal.

you were quick to move it out of her reach, having already told her off a few times now for throwing things out of the cart when she got her little hands on them, finding it endlessly amusing.

"a beautiful name." eli complimented as you forced a smile and nodded, not quite sure where to go from here. "how is school? you would have graduated, no?" eli asked as you racked your brain for a way to wrap this up as politely and quickly as possible.

"school did not work out...as i had hoped." you kept your answer short as eli nodded, picking up on your nervous energy and sending you a kind smile. "well it was nice seeing you, look after yourself." the woman urged as you returned the sentiment, ready to turn around and leave this all behind.

but you couldn't, and before you could stop yourself the words came tumbling right out of your mouth like they had their own brain.

"how is she?"

eli paused, turning back around as regret flooded your body and your knuckles turned white from how hard you were gripping the bar of the shopping cart, posie babbling away to herself behind you.

"she is good." eli spoke softly as you nodded, knowing really it wasn't any of your business how your ex was after nearly four years had passed since the two of you spoke, but despite that alexia had always and forever lingered in the back of your mind.

"good, that is good." you swallowed, nodding and forcing out a goodbye as pleasant as you could as you turned your back to her and started to walk away.

"mija?" you turned one last time, posie gripping onto your finger as she tried to twist off one of your rings no doubt to probably put in her mouth, eli's eyes locked with yours.

"it has been years, time to forgive yourself." and with that, she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part two

[milkoomi]

live in tranquility. ᥫ᭡

life is full of ups and downs, right turns and wrong turns, and moments of joy and torments of anguish. we all desire to live a life that only ever brings us happiness and peace, but to fulfill that wish we must provide ourselves the diligent work to make our dreams a reality.

let’s begin …

୨ৎ — habits to incorporate

include a weekly reset

whether it’s a friday or a sunday, start incorporating a weekly reset into your routine! whether it’s doing a deep clean of your home/room or doing an everything shower and pampering yourself with an at-home spa day, or maybe a mix of both, start your week off with a good refresh of everything that you feel needs to be reset.

things to do for your weekly reset:

change your bedsheets

treat yourself with a face mask

give yourself a little mani-pedi

dust your shelves & clean your floors

wipe down your windows & change/wash your curtains

clean your mirrors

do laundry

journal & reflect on your week

plan for the week ahead

do/touch up your lashes

make your bed every morning

i’ve touched on this in a previous post where i discussed boosting daily productivity, but i also wanted to add this point in this post as well! not only does this habit make you feel more productive, but i find that making your bed can be something very calming. you’re freshening up your sleeping space and there’s something about making your bed look all nice and pretty that just releases some kind of serotonin in my brain!

this can be a really peaceful task. i’d recommend putting on your favorite music or a relaxing morning playlist while doing so to really set the vibe for yourself!

gratitude journal in the morning & at night

one of the first things i do in the morning is create a small list of things that i’m thankful for. whether it’s being able to wake up and live another or getting to see the sun rise, talk about what you’re thankful for at the start of your day. it soothes your mind and i find that it also helps to alleviate any stress that might be weighing my mind down. practicing gratitude and including that habit daily has helped me find all the joys in my life, no matter how big or small! it helps you find happiness and peace in even the smallest things, and i promise you that practicing gratitude will help you live a more peaceful life.

daily affirmations

sometimes we need to be the ones to tell us that we’re proud of ourselves or that we’re beautiful or that we’re strong enough. affirmations, either at the start or end of your day (or even both!) can help provide that extra motivation for yourself.

affirmation examples:

“i am more than capable of achieving my goals no matter how big or small.”

“i am enough for myself and those i love in my life.”

“i am proud of all that i have achieved.”

“i am worthy of love, especially from myself.”

make yourself a cup of coffee or tea

there’s something so calming about making yourself a cup of coffee or tea. whenever i do so, and i’m stirring the mix all my little ingredients together in my favorite mug, i always stir clockwise and repeat manifestations in my mind. in my own practices with my spirituality, i’ve learned that going clockwise brings forth your desires (and counter-clockwise releases anything you want to let go of). adding this into my morning ritual prepares me for my day and when i drink that cup of coffee/tea it’s as if i am absorbing the things i manifest for myself!

୨ৎ — release your emotions

bringing up journaling again here, but seriously, get all those negative thoughts and feelings out. do a brain dump of all that you’re thinking. take time to process your emotions. let it all out. maybe even put on sad songs to cry to, maybe ask a trusted loved one (but make sure it’s okay with them beforehand) to talk about everything you’re thinking/feeling, or— if you’re able to— seek therapy!

i feel like i live a much softer and more peaceful life now that i’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable with my loved ones, my therapist, and even myself. we’re allowed to have vulnerable moments and we’re allowed to feel the feelings we have, but we have to make sure we release those negative thoughts and feelings in a healthy manner.

i’ve been in therapy for almost 7 years and the growth i’ve experienced throughout all those years has truly been so refreshing. it almost feels magical, and i’m so grateful that i have the resources to help me manage my emotions and mental health.

୨ৎ — let go of unhealthy consumption

when we consume media that brings us down or when we surround ourselves with the wrong people, we just add unnecessary stress and negative feelings onto our plates. i have a post that discusses THE ART OF LETTING GO so i recommend checking it out for a more in-depth conversation on what to let go of and how to let it all go.

living a peaceful life means releasing yourself from gossip and drama, banning content/media that makes us sad or angry, and leaving people who make us feel bad about ourselves or who might influence us to partake in unhealthy or risky activities. you have to let go of those things that no longer serve you. we can always start with small steps, and the best place to start is with the media we consume.

media to consume:

self help books/videos

educational books/videos/movies/shows/podcasts

follow creators who motivate you to be the best version of yourself for yourself

watch shows/movies that make you happy

listen to music that makes you feel good

read books that bring you joy

୨ৎ — create vision boards

one way i love to manifest my dream life is by creating a vision board. i always create one at the very end of the year, but i want to try doing a vision board for each season! doing this can help you visualize what you want for yourself and your life, and most times when we don’t even realize it, we actually have those visions and dreams become a reality!

creating vision boards can also be a nice, little relaxing hobby for yourself too! getting your creative juices flowing can create and manifest so much inspiration and motivation!

vision board ideas:

yearly vision board

academic vision board

career vision board

lifestyle vision board

fashion/style aesthetic vision board

୨ৎ — final notes

what are some activities/habits that make you feel at peace?

a peaceful life is achievable! as with many things like gaining confidence, ace’ing exams, or getting promoted at your job, it takes work. if you truly want it, work for it! sometimes, the things we deserve are things we have to get for ourselves.

with lots of love, faustina 🌷

[byhees]

when you’re insecure about your smile.

엔하이픈 ・ female reader + word count 600 genre fluff established relationship non-idol au warnings not proof-read skinship kissing petnames mention of insecurity — more

a/n. requested— because the poll showed that u all would like more reactions ! ♡

heeseung would feel his heart drop; the way you’d often snap your head to the opposite side whenever you’d smile, strikes him as unusual— it’s as though he’s never able to catch a glimpse of your pretty grin; wouldn’t point it out directly, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable— would instead sneakily engulf you in tight embraces, making it difficult for you to conceal your little smiles whenever he cracks up silly jokes in hopes of making you laugh…

jay would feel his entire world crumble; his daily serotonin boost would be to see your pretty smile, to see the precious way the corners of your lips would curl upwards in the wake of a grin, eyes crinkling to resemble small crescents— and now that you’re deliberately hiding such a beautiful sight from him, he feels the need to reassure you of just how ethereal said smile is— “baby, your smile is so, so pretty. please, don’t ever feel that way about yourself”, he’d say, peppering kisses all over your face…

jake would be visibly shocked upon realising the pattern of you turning away from his direction whilst breaking into a smile— it’s done with such an intent, it’s almost certain to him that you’re purposely trying to hide your stunning grin; wouldn’t hesitate to burst into a series of cute poses and little ridiculous dances in hopes of eliciting a giggle from you— “ah! there’s that beautiful smile!” he’d say, cupping your cheeks in his palms, admiring the way your smile’s glued onto your face, complimenting your every feature…

sunghoon would be flabbergasted beyond belief— the mere thought of you finding your smile unpleasant to look at, strikes him as unbelievable in all the many ways; you couldn’t be more wrong— your smile’s just the definition of perfection, it’s the first thing that he wishes to see every morning, it’s the first thing that he looks forward to catching a glimpse of during arduous days; that’s the beauty of your smile. would try his very best to make you laugh— be it through breaking out into a random tiktok dance, or through horribly-timed jokes…

sunoo would break into the deepest of frowns after finding out about your hidden insecurities about your smile; wants you to know that your smile is, single-handedly, one of the prettiest and most breathtaking things that he’s ever seen in his lifetime. would feign the biggest of pouts when you ever mention how “ugly” your smile is— “baby, love, sweetheart— don’t say that.. you’re so, so beautiful, and so is that little grin of yours”, he’d say before pressing kisses onto the surface of your face…

jungwon wouldn’t waste a second to let you know just how pretty your smile is; would try his very best to elicit even the smallest of grins from you— would even tickle you whilst cuddling in bed, adoring the soft laughs that slip past your lips, the wide smile that’d find itself on your face; would playfully tease you, wanting to elicit that pretty, shy smile of yours— leans in with an intent to kiss you, only to pull away centimetres away, leaving your cheeks flushed pink, a bashful grin naturally spreading across your face; “you look the prettiest when you’re happy, princess”, he’d coo, pressing a kiss onto your forehead…

riki would be in pure disbelief; he merely can’t comprehend how you’d find that precious smile of yours, unpleasant— if anything, it’s the very, very, very opposite of that; “don’t you dare hide that pretty smile from me”, he’d say, lips jutting out in a very non-intimidating pout, arms crossing over his chest; and the mere image of him acting all adorable has you grinning on your own— little did you know, it was his plan to pull out the cutesy act; after all, he’d do practically anything and everything to see that beautiful grin of yours…

taglist open! @halcyoni-ki @wondipity @yjjungwon @shysakuno @niktwazny303 @vnsux @minhosify @haechansbbg @yeomha @stepout-09-15 @chansburgah @sona-verse01 @lilly-bubblelops @smouches @mrchweeee @luvistqrzzz @nwjws @ibsysbsfsunsbs @rikisly @amyysfics @mixtape-racha @berry-and-kkami @rikislady @gweoriz @czlluvriki @okwonyo @okwons networks! @kflixnet @enhanet @k-labels

[boreal-sea]

There's a speech I heard about about 10 years ago, with a simple message that really spoke to me, and I've been trying to follow its advice for the past few days, and it's really been nice.

The message is: always make your bed in the morning.

"If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right. And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made — that you made — and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better. If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed."

- Admiral William H. McRaven, 2014

What always stuck with me the most was that second paragraph. That even if your day ends up sucking, coming home to a made bed... that's nice. It feels special, and you get this little boost of serotonin knowing that you did something kind for yourself and you're now benefiting from it. Walking into my bedroom at the end of the day and seeing a nicely made bed literally gives me a little smile. I feel cared for.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[sitp-recs]

Hello dear Liv! I just wanted to pop into your ask box and tell you how ecstatic and grateful I am to see you around again. I missed you dearly — as one of my favourite reccers and someone who is so integral to my (and so many others’) fandom experience, it is such a gift to have you back! Your reclists are the most thoughtfully curated and crafted with so much love and care. What you do is so, so, so important and I am thankful everyday to share this space with you. ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for everything you do!! All my love <3

Ahh Kat!!! This made me tear up first thing in the morning, I was not expecting to start my Sunday feeling so emotional 🥺 thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and generous message. I’ve been around, just not as active as I used to be a couple years back. 2024 has been full of ups and down (not just for me, I’m sure!) and it’s hard to stay engaged when you’re not reading much. At some point I completely lost my muse for single recs, but I loved hearing your thoughts on the lists - they were not the initial purpose of this blog but I’m happy to serve as long as people find them helpful :)

Your message was very special and a great boost of serotonin, thank you my darling! I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself, and here’s to hoping that 2024.2 will be generous and give us time and energy to enjoy fandom at its fullest 💜

[iam93percentstardust]

so one of the things that i think is happening in the likes vs reblogs debate is that when people who support reblogging over liking say things like "likes don't do anything," they don't mean they literally don't do anything. what they mean is that in the grand scheme of how this site works--as a blogging platform--a like doesn't share the post any further than your own blog. no one else is ever going to see the post; it's going to end right there.

but, for whatever reason, whether it's in bad faith or just misunderstanding, people who support liking over reblogging seem to consistently take this as the other side does mean that liking literally doesn't do anything, which they then meet with the argument that of course it does something. it, as i saw someone put it today, gives my internet friend a boost of serotonin.

the thing is, a lot of these people who are against "likescolding" seem to have this idea that they're fighting against the all-terrible algorithm, and what they're forgetting is that in the process, they're hurting the very real people on the other side of the computer screen. going back to the serotonin argument, yeah, i do get a boost of serotonin from receiving a like, or i did back when i was still bothering to post here. so it would follow, therefore, that i get more serotonin from more likes. but in order to get more, someone is going to have to suck it up and reblog the post so that other people can see it, because my reach on its own only goes so far. if the entire argument rests on giving me serotonin, then shouldn't a reblog give me serotonin as well? why are likes the only form of acceptable serotonin givers?

which leads me into my next point, that by demanding reblogs, i'm supposedly just a greedy numbers counter who can't be satisfied with what i have. and frankly, at this point, after watching this argument go round and round in circles for literal years, i don't think that anything i say is going to change anyone's minds. the people who say i should be satisfied with likes are going to say that i'm greedy and want more attention no matter what argument i present. it doesn't seem to matter to them that i have activity muted on tumblr and statistics muted on ao3 and therefore can't even see the numbers. but i'm hopeful that some of the newer people on this site will see this and understand why i'm arguing for the value of reblogging, so i'm going to say it anyway.

let me paint a picture for you: i joined my current fandom on tumblr almost exactly five years ago. the biggest movie to date had just been released, the fandom was thriving, and i vividly remember seeing artwork after fanfic after gifset on my dash. if i tried to scroll back through my dash in the morning to where i'd left off the previous night, it would take me hours because so many fanworks were being created and posted and shared while i was asleep. the very first fanfic i posted to tumblr for this fandom got more than a thousand notes literally overnight. i'd only been a part of the fandom for a few months at that point and had very few fandom followers, but the field was more than welcoming to a new writer.

but then the landscape changed.

within two years, i'd started to notice a drop in reblogs. i can't tell you for certain what the reason was. maybe it was covid fatigue, maybe it was purity and anti-culture being driven to an all-time fever pitch, maybe it was that people were leaving my fandom, once one of the biggest on the site, for other, more diverse media. i really can't tell you what the reason was, but as the reblogs started to drop, fan creators started begging. and as the creators begged, i suddenly started seeing these posts circulating about how creators should be grateful for the likes and lurkers, and asking for anything more was just being greedy.

slowly, the number of fanworks on my dash started to drop. the fanfics went first. for whatever reason, maybe because reading a fic is more time-consuming, people were particularly hateful towards fanwriters wanting more reblogs. writers tried various tricks, writing shorter fics, putting things under read mores, posting in the form of bulleted headcanons, but nothing really worked. and so they stopped posting. and then they left tumblr altogether. i see a lot of them on discord, and occasionally, twitter now, but i don't see them on tumblr.

the art was next. see, a lot of the artists in my fandom make money off their art, which meant they relied on those reblogs as a way to get their name out there. and if those reblogs aren't happening, and if people are deriding commissions because they think fanworks should be free and available to everyone, then no one is seeing their commission posts. and if the site is already hostile to artists, which it has been since the tumblr purge of 2018, then why are they still on this site when they can be on twitter and instagram?

now i'm watching it happen again with gifmakers. that old resentment is building back up, this time around reposting gifsets and claiming them as their own creation. people claim to be unable to make cool gifsets so they have to steal them, and in the process, other people stop reblogging the original gifmaker. as of writing this, i haven't seen us reach the point where the gifmakers start to leave, but i'm betting it'll happen soon.

you know how many new fics i've seen this last week on my dash? three.

you know how many new artworks? eight.

you know how many shitposts i've seen? political posts? posts lamenting the deaths of whatever current fandom op is in? too many to count.

i'm one of the people who doesn't post my fics on tumblr anymore. i don't see the point. i'll get a much bigger reception talking about them on twitter. and i feel bad for all the newcomers arriving here because their dashes are going to be full of shitposts and politics and misinformation and reposts from tiktok where they once would have been full of stories and art.

but i wonder. if people keep on this reblogging hate train, will we lose the shitposts and politics and reposts from tiktok too? you're not obligated to reblog everything, i'm not even saying that you're obligated to reblog anything, but if we keep going the way we're going, if more and more people drop a like and keep scrolling, will we soon reach a point where there's nothing on our dashboards at all?

fandom is a community, and i think that that's something that people tend to forget. creators create for themselves, but they share for everyone else. i see a lot of posts talking about how creators will stop sharing if all they receive is silence, but most of those are old posts that miss that creators have already received silence. they've already stopped sharing. they've already left.

the thing is, before i gave up on posting to this site, i used to remind myself that if ten people were sitting in my apartment, listening to me read my fics, i would think that's a lot of people and be very honored in the hopes that it would make me feel less sad about the fact that in just a few years, people stopped reading what i wrote. and it isn't that it's wrong, but five years ago, even as a new writer, i was reading my fics to packed auditoriums with standing room only.

and there's a big difference between speaking to an auditorium and speaking to my living room.

no one is obligated to reblog. no one is owed a reblog. and likes do actually do something. but sharing does something too, and it doesn't hurt anyone to reblog it. truth be told, i think we're already past the point of no return; i don't think we'll ever see the creators who've already left come back. but that doesn't mean we can't make this a welcoming space for new creators or that we have to make them feel bad for wishing that more people would share their fanworks. i see a lot of those posts railing against likescolding talking about how it's not okay that likescolding makes them feel bad, so i guess my question to those posters is this:

why is it okay to make the creators feel bad instead?

[coco-bean-1218]

Well hello my dear Claire!

I was thinking of you this morning when the sun shone down on me. The warmth and light it brought reminded me of you! How I miss you so. I think of you often in the quiet moments I get to myself. I am ready for this war to be over, so I can be back with you. I miss the way your eyes crinkle at the sides when you laugh, how your lips turn upwards when you see me. I miss the sound of your soft voice and sweet smell. I long to be back in your arms, to have your soft lips on mine. I can't wait to hold and kiss you again. I miss you in ways that words cannot even understand. I am never not thinking of you my love. I love you for all that you are, all that you have been and all that you will be.

Yours always and forever! xx

Chuck

First off, I love this so fucking much. Thank you so very much! I received this yesterday morning and it was the best Christmas present! I can’t even describe how happy this made me, ultimate serotonin boost! I apologize for this being so long, but once I started, I couldn't stop!

---

To my dearest Charles,

I find myself in the quiet hours of the night, overtaken with thoughts of you. My darling, how ardently I love you.

Each day is but a step closer to your return, and yet, the vast ocean between us seems no less formidable. If love alone could build a bridge, my dear Grant, I would have been in your arms yesterday.

Your courage inspires me to face each day with hope. To serve with honor, as you do. Your love is the beacon guiding me through these trying times.

Sometimes, it's the simplest things that bring you back to me. The way the sunlight catches on the mess hall's windows, so fiercely bright—it's like looking into your eyes when you laugh. Or the laughter of the other girls in my unit, which can't compare to the melody of your voice.

Grant, I long for you. Not in some abstract, distant way, but with every fiber of my being. With every sunrise that greets me alone, with every star I wish upon at night, I long for you.

Every night, as I gaze out upon the empty barracks, I imagine you here with me. The thought is so vivid, it's as though I can almost reach out and touch you.

Oh, how I wish you were here to see the way the moonlight dances upon the floor, just like the night we first danced together. Can you feel it, my darling? The echo of our dance, the promise of our next? I wish for nothing more than to be wrapped in your embrace, to feel the security of your arms, strong yet tender.

To kiss you again, is a longing so profound it consumes my every waking moment. Your lips, always so full of life, of love, of everything that is you—they are the very essence of what I desire. Remember our last kiss? You held me as if you could somehow merge our souls into one. I crave that connection, that perfect moment when all else fades away and it's just you and me.

Life here within the WACs is a tapestry of routine and camaraderie. We rise with the sun, our days filled with duties that some might find mundane, but I take comfort in them. Each polished shoe and crisply folded uniform feels like a step towards victory—a victory that will bring you back to me. Yet, even as we march in unison or drill under the watchful eyes of our superiors, there's a silence that lingers amongst us. We each carry our own private wars, thoughts of loved ones cast across dangerous skies and treacherous seas.

Tell me, my brave paratrooper, how are you? I hold onto the image of you—your golden hair catching the light, those blue eyes steadfast with resolve. But at night, when all is still, I worry about the shadows that might cross your face, the burdens you bear that I cannot lift.

Your letters are my respite, each one a treasure I keep close to my heart. Though ink and paper are poor substitutes for the warmth of your touch, they are the threads that connect us in this tapestry of war.

Charles, when this war is over and these uniformed days are but memories, I dare to dream of a life with you. A life where the morning sun greets us not with orders, but with the promise of peace.

May this letter find you safe and bring you home to me. Take care, my dearest. You are with me, always—in every thought, in everything that reminds me of you. Until I can feel your lips against mine once more, know that each day spent apart is another day closer to our next embrace. I cling to that hope like a lifeline.

I love you always,

Claire 💋

[foundtherightwords]

All Our Yesterdays - Chapter 11

Pairing: Ralph (Timewasters) x OFC

Summary: Thu, a museum archivist, only wants to escape her dull life in 21st-century Hanoi. The last thing she expects is to end up in 1929 Indochina via a time-traveling elevator and cross paths with Ralph, an Englishman on the run from the French Foreign Legion. Romance blossoms between them, but in a colonized country, unrest is always looming on the horizon, and Thu must decide if she wants to stay with Ralph in the past or return to the safety of the future.

Warnings: outdated/period-typical attitudes about women, mentions of war, mentions of pregnancy and abortion (involving a supporting character), some angst, some smut (non-explicit)

Chapter warnings: unwanted pregnancy, abortion, mentions of blood

Chapter word count: 3.4k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Things between them had changed again, but now, instead of adrenaline keeping her on the edge, Thu felt like she was getting a daily boost of serotonin. She moved into the studio with Ralph to save themselves from having to sneak behind her landlady's back, and now, the simplest things, like hanging her jacket up next to Ralph's on the coat rack when she got home from work, or jostling for a place at the bathroom sink while they brushed their teeth, or grabbing one of his shirts to put on when she got out of bed in the morning, or a little casual kiss or hug or touch, could make her grin like a dork or spread a fluttery feeling from her chest all through her body.

Sometimes, when she woke up in the middle of the night, Thu wondered whether her feelings for Ralph would've been as intense, or indeed, whether she would've fallen for him at all, if they had met in less extraordinary circumstances. How could she be sure that her feelings were genuine? What if they simply came about because she had been so lost and scared and he had been there at the right time? But as she felt his arm around her waist and his breath on her hair, she told herself, No, this is real. Just because their first meeting was slightly unusual didn't make it any less real. Yes, perhaps it was fate or some mysterious cosmic force or even Homeless Pete that had thrown them together, but nothing had forced them to stay together except for their own feelings and passion for each other.

She no longer made a detour to Robin Park to check if Homeless Pete was still there. She no longer planned to go back after the Lunar New Year. Instead, she started planning for the Lunar New Year itself, eager to show Ralph all the traditions and food. That year, the Lunar New Year came early, at the end of January, and already there was an air of bustling anticipation and excitement on the streets. The pavement were crowded with vendors selling everything from flowers and plants and paintings for decoration, to green leaves and bamboo strings to wrap the square chưng cakes, without which the Lunar New Year feast was never complete, to new brass and tin wares and anything else one might need to start the year afresh.

On the Day of the Kitchen Gods, a week before the New Year, Thu followed the tradition of buying a couple of golden carps and setting them free in Sword Lake, while Ralph helped with great interest.

"But how are the carps supposed to carry the Kitchen Gods to Heaven?" he asked. "Heaven is up there, while they're swimming down here—?"

Thu smiled at his confusion. She'd asked her mom the same thing when she was little. "The myth is that the carp will swim upstream and turn into a dragon, see? It's all symbolic."

"And the Kitchen Gods are going to report our affairs to—to whom?"

"The Jade Emperor."

"Won't they be confused to learn that you're here?"

Thu stood up from the lake shore, wiping her hands on the handkerchief—her own now. "Oh man, I didn't even think about that! Would they even understand time travel? I can't imagine what my parents' Kitchen Gods must be thinking..." The thought brought back too vividly the memories of the Lunar New Year of her childhood, and her conscience smarted. She had been so happy the last three weeks that her family had not entered her mind at all. If she had gone missing in her time, there would be no Lunar New Year for them. Perhaps she could pay Homeless Pete a visit and ask him how the time machine worked exactly, whether he could take her back for a visit... And then what? Just keep going back and forth in time, like some lame version of Doctor Who? What kind of life would that be? That was if Homeless Pete could even understand her.

Noticing her smile vanish, Ralph gave her hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

What would he say if he knew she'd found Homeless Pete? Would he urge her to go home? She looked at him, his eyes so tender, his hand so strong, and resolutely stamped down her previous thought. She'd decided to stay here with him, so there was so point in second-guessing it. She squeezed his hand back. "It's OK," she said, giving him a reassuring smile.

***

"Does this look all right?" Ralph said, placing the branch of peach blossoms in a vase on the sideboard, next to a small potted kumquat plant.

"That's perfect," Thu said. Between the peach blossoms and the kumquat, she placed a couple of chưng cakes, a dish of five fruits, their colors carefully selected to correspond to the five basic elements of metal, wood, water, fire, and earth, and other traditional foods. Then, with a certain sense of defiant glee, she pulled out a roll of scarlet firecrackers, each cracker the size of her little finger, and hung it over the balcony. Firecrackers had been banned in Vietnam a couple of years before she was born, but when she visited her grandparents in Hue as a kid, she and her cousins had often snuck a few firecrackers here and there to set off on New Year with the other children in the village. She was determined to experience this tradition properly at least once.

She stepped back to look over the display with satisfaction. It might not be as elaborate as her mom's display, and the food was all store-bought instead of homemade, but for her first Lunar New Year in the past, it would do.

Ralph wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug from behind as he, too, looked at the display. "So at midnight, we'll set off the firecrackers?" he asked.

"Yup, to ward off the evil spirits of the old year and bring in good luck for the new year."

"Any other traditions? Like a New Year's kiss or something?" he asked, leaning down to nuzzle into her neck.

"Haven't you been kissed enough in the past four weeks?" She twisted her head and gave him a peck anyway.

"Never!"

"Well, people sometimes take hot baths with water infused with coriander seeds, to cleanse themselves."

"Hmm, a hot bath sounds nice."

She laughed, turned around to face him, and kissed him again, more fully. Just as he was pulling her closer and the kiss became hungrier—

A knock sounded on the door.

Both groaned as they disentangled themselves from each other. The knocking started up again, urgent, persistent. Thu glanced at the clock. It was almost ten. Who on Earth could it be, at this time of night, and on New Year's Eve too?

She opened the door. Standing there, clutching a bag to her chest, her usually rosy face ashen, her hair disheveled and frosted with rain, was Mai.

"Mai, what are you doing here?" Thu asked.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know where else to go."

"How did you even know I'm here?" Great, the office's gossip mill must be rolling if they knew she and Ralph were living together. Not that she cared, but in this time and place, it was positively scandalous.

"I don't, I just—guessed," Mai said, glancing uncomfortably at Ralph.

"What's happened?"

"Can I please come in?"

With a worried look back at Ralph, Thu stepped aside to let the girl in. Mai dropped down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.

"What's the matter?" Thu asked again, sitting down next to her.

"It's—it's Louis!" Mai sobbed. "He's gone! He was transferred back to France and he said he couldn't take me with him!"

"Oh, honey." Thu put an arm around Mai's quivering shoulders. "That's not the end of the world."

"It is, it is," Mai said, weeping. "I'm pregnant!"

Thu remembered Mai's paleness, her cramps, her fatigue in recent weeks. Dismayed, she looked at Ralph, who was watching them converse in Vietnamese with mounting confusion and alarm. But she had no time to translate for him, because Mai had looked up and said, in a broken voice, "At least, I was."

The way she said it turned Thu's blood cold. "What did you do?"

"I went to this herbalist," Mai said. "He gave me this tea... I'm sorry to interrupt your New Year's Eve like this, but I had to wait until Madame Phuong and her family went back to her husband's village for the New Year... I offered to stay to mind the house... I told my parents I'll be back on the third..."

But Thu wasn't listening to her rambling explanation. "Did you drink the tea?" she interrupted.

Mai gave her a frightened look. "I did."

A jumble of terrified thoughts and terrifying memories flitted through Thu's mind. In all the contemporary novels she'd read, girls who tried to take care of their "mistakes" often died from such things. She'd never imagined that she would find herself in one of those stories.

"I don't know how long it'll take, but I'm scared to be alone," Mai continued. "Can I stay with—with you two? Just in case something happens?"

"You need to go to a hospital," Thu said.

"No!" Mai gripped her hand. "I can't! I can't let anybody else know! I only came here because"—again her eyes flicked to Ralph—"because I thought you'd understand. Please—"

Suddenly she clutched at her stomach. A small whimper escaped her lips as she bent over, curling in on herself.

Thu staggered to her feet. Ralph reached out a hand to steady her. "What's going on?" he asked.

"She's pregnant," she said shortly. "And she just drank an abortive herbal tea."

Their horrified eyes met, and Thu realized that Ralph was panicking just as she was. Neither of them knew what to do. Mai's whimper was growing louder and louder, until it became a muffled scream. She stumbled from the couch onto the floor and lay there in the fetal position, writhing, her screams clawing at every single one of Thu's nerves until she felt like screaming herself. Fumbling, she knelt down to lift Mai up. To her horror, a bloom of red was spreading on the back of Mai's áo dài, staining the floor tiles underneath. Ralph saw too, and went white as a sheet. Both of them took a step back, looking as helplessly as the bleeding girl on the floor.

"We have to get her to a hospital," he said.

Mai was still conscious, and the word "hospital" must have gotten through to her, as it sounded similar enough to the French hôpital. She shook her head and panted, in Vietnamese, through pale lips, "No, no hospital, please—"

"We're not letting you die!" Thu shouted. She turned to Ralph. "But how can we get her there? It's New Year's Eve, there's no rickshaw. Can we call an ambulance? Are there ambulances?"

Ralph chewed on his lips. Then he said, "I'll carry her. The hospital is just down the street. It's quicker. Get her bag."

His decisive voice brought some life back to Thu's numb body. She picked up Mai's bag, threw on her own jacket, and tried to help Ralph into his coat, but he shook his head, indicating that she should drape it over Mai instead. The girl was by now too weak to protest, while red continued to spread on the back of her ivory silk áo dài and drip down her legs.

They ran down the empty street. Slants of cozy yellow light peeked out behind closed doors and windows, and a smell of incense drifted out over the street, along with the soft sound of talk and laughter as families got together for the New Year. The smell and sound twisted Thu's heart as the memories of family reunions surfaced in her mind and reminded her of how alone all three of them were—neither Ralph, Mai, nor herself had any family here. They had no one except for each other.

Ralph stopped in front of a building with Hôpital indigène du Protectorat on its front. Thu recognized it as Vietnam-Germany Hospital in modern day, though it was strictly a surgical center now. How lucky that it was already here at this time!

They rushed into the emergency room. Upon seeing them, the two nurses on duty, both men, sprang into action.

"What happened?" one of them asked Thu in Vietnamese. He had a face like a shovel and looked quite put out at having to work on New Year's Eve.

"She—I think she has a miscarriage," Thu replied, unwilling to tell the truth, not knowing how these men were going to judge Mai.

The nurse turned to Ralph. "Êtes-vous son mari?"

Ralph flushed and shook his head. "Non," he replied, glancing at Thu. "Um—"

Thu could guess the source of his discomfiture easily enough. "Please, he's my—husband," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "And she's my sister. Please help her."

The two nurses glanced at each other, then one of them grabbed a stretcher. "Put her on here," he said. Ralph complied, while Thu lifted up his coat. The nurses rolled the stretcher through the door and down the corridor. Thu was all set to follow them, but then she remembered, turned, and stopped Ralph.

"I can stay," she said. "You go."

"I'm not leaving you alone—"

"I can handle it." She pressed his coat into his arms. "You don't want them to ask questions about you. Go home, Ralph. I'll be fine."

Ralph hesitated at the door, before taking her hand and dropping a quick kiss on her temple. "Let me know if—if anything happens, OK?" he said.

"OK," she said, trying to smile.

***

Thu sat in the chilly corridor, watching the swaying lamp overhead casting its dizzying shadows over the floor, while around her, nurses ran back and forth with trays of cotton wool, bandages,  and other scary-looking instruments. She buttoned her jacket up to her chin, wishing she hadn't sent Ralph home, missing the warmth of his coat, the reassurance of his presence.

She'd lost all sense of time, until a faint burst of firecrackers somewhere in the street signaled it was midnight. Out with the Year of the Snake, in with the Year of the Horse. She'd missed it. But her heart was in such turmoil over Mai that she hardly cared. Deep down, she knew none of this was her fault. Louis had probably gotten Mai pregnant before Thu even met him. But somehow, she couldn't stop blaming herself. She could've told Mai to use contraceptives. She could've guessed that Mai was pregnant and found a safer way to help the girl deal with it. Heck, she could even have asked Homeless Pete to bring Mai to the 21st century and taken her to a modern hospital. What good was her modern knowledge if she couldn't use it to help these people? She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

A while later, could be a few minutes, could be over an hour, a French doctor stepped out of the surgery behind her, accompanied by the shovel-faced nurse. Thu sprang to her feet. The doctor said something, and she turned to the nurse with a questioning look.

"Your sister is out of danger," the nurse said in Vietnamese. "Just a bit more delay and it might have been too late to save her."

Thu sank back onto the bench, her knees weak with relief. "Thank you," she said. "Merci, docteur. May I see her?" she asked the nurse.

The nurse nodded. "I'll take you to her." As he led the way down the corridor, he muttered loudly, "This is what comes of that new-fangled feminism... All these girls, running around, no parents, no husband, thinking they can do whatever they want... And the French want to modernize them? Well, the French are welcome to them!" Clearly, he meant for her to hear it. An angry retort bubbled to her lips, but she bit it back.

It being New Year's Eve, the only patient in the room was Mai. She lay on a bed in the corner of the room, hooked to a steadily dripping IV line. Her face and hands, poking out of a thin blanket, looked almost as white as the sheets, but her eyes opened upon hearing Thu approach.

Thu sat down gently on a chair next to the bed and took Mai's limp, ice-cold hand. "I'm sorry for this," she said. "But we couldn't let you die."

"No, don't apologize," Mai said, her voice hoarse. "You've saved my life. You and—"

"Ralph," Thu said, without thinking.

Mai looked confused. "I thought his first name was A-something?"

Thu cursed inwardly and fumbled for an explanation. "Yes, Alphonse. But—uh, I call him Ralph. That's, uh—his middle name."

"You love him, don't you?" A faint smile crossed Mai's face as she watched Thu blush, but the corners of her mouth barely lifted before they drooped again. "And he loves you. So lucky..."

"Forget Louis, Mai," Thu said. "You're safe now, that's the important thing. Is there anything you need?"

Mai shook her head. "I'll be all right for now. Just—please, don't let people at the office know..."

"Don't worry, I'll tell them something. Get some rest. I'll be back later, OK?"

"Thank you."

Thu sat with Mai for a little longer, until she was sure the girl had fallen asleep. She then walked back to the studio, through the street that lay wrapped in sleep, with only a few stragglers here and there, coming home from New Year's Eve celebrations, most carrying some tree branches with new buds on them as a symbol of a fresh start. Her feet dragged over the asphalt road darkening under the drizzling rain. Her grandfather always said that it was good luck to have a bit of a drizzle on the Lunar New Year. She wondered what kind of luck this rain was bringing Mai. Red remnants of firecrackers covered the ground, scattering across the pavement and pooling into dips on the road like blood. Thu sidestepped them, shivering.

She found Ralph slumped on the couch. He had mopped up the blood on the floor, but there were still some brown stains on the sleeves of his shirt, transferred from Mai when he carried her. Their New Year feast remained on the sideboard, untouched. Hearing Thu enter, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. "How is she?" he asked.

"She'll be OK. We got her there just in time."

He let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God." He went over to her, took her jacket and bag, and brushed a few strands of hair away from her pale face. "You should get some sleep. You look exhausted."

"So do you."

"Let's get cleaned up and get to bed then."

As they were snuggled up together, Thu said, her head on Ralph's shoulder, "I'm sorry your first Lunar New Year is ruined."

"Don't be silly. There'll be others."

Will there? And will I still be here?

Misunderstanding her silence, Ralph said, "You know I will never abandon you like that, don't you? If you—if you do get pregnant—"

"I won't," she said. "That's the one point the rules are very clear about. Don't impregnate or get impregnated."

"Yes, but still. If that does happen, I'll take care of you. And the baby. You have my promise, Autumn."

That wasn't what she was worrying about, but Thu smiled at him anyway. "I know." She gave him a kiss. "Go to sleep, Ralph."

As she lay her head back down, however, her smile disappeared. Despite Ralph's arms around her, she felt restless, disturbed. It wasn't just the anxiety and the exhaustion of the night, but something else. Some fundamental change had occurred. She didn't quite know what it was, but it had cracked the perfect veneer of her last few weeks with Ralph, showing the darkness hidden underneath, just as a glance behind the jolly, brightly lit teahouses and dance halls of Kham Thien had revealed its seedy alleys. She cuddled closer to Ralph and tried to sleep, while on the streets, young masters and misses, dressed to the nines, set out for their New Year parties, oblivious to the relentless, cold, gray rain.

Chapter 12

[demonologue]

Tavuary weekly prompt 1: Fluff

I’m sure camp is a favourite place for many of us, but it is legitimately the best part of the game for me. The wild and untamed boost of ace serotonin I get from tucking the party in for the night and giving them all forehead kisses... I have to force myself not to long rest more than necessary.

Title: All Is Well

Characters: Gale, Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Astarion, Scratch, Tav

Rating: T

Summary: Just a druid dad doing his best to take care of this found family.

All Is Well

Finally, another long day has come to an end. Camp has gone quiet in that way it tends to do when fatigue is about to win out over the hunger, petty squabbles, and inventory management. It’s time to tuck everyone in before your long rest. 

You start with Gale. Maybe it’s cheating to get the bedtime story first, but he’s so good at telling them. It always makes you smile. Is he for real? It doesn’t matter. Sometimes finding joy in what’s on the surface is safe. You know his secret, and you have an agreement about it. Just like your agreement with Lae’zel to murder each other if you start to turn. 

She’s next, giving you a curt nod as you walk over. That leather undergarment is something. She’s something. You want to tell her how impressed you are with all the progress she’s made in the short time you’ve known one another. Is she young for a Githyanki? You have no damn clue. But she feels like a new recruit somehow. You want to give her the space respect demands, but you also want to support her when she lets you. It happens now and then. The two of you have made progress. 

“Greetings.” A lot of progress.

“Just coming by to say goodnight,” you tell her. “I’d say sweet dreams, but I feel like you’ll just curse at me in Gith.” 

She does. “K’chakhi.” But there’s a certain quirk to her lips. Maybe it’s just you, but her insults sound more affectionate than they used to.

You chuckle. “See you in the morning.” 

“Not if I see you first, istik.”

You walk away smiling. Ignore Astarion, as he stands outside his tent, poised like an actor about to monologue, pretending to read. There will be no sweet good night there. 

You have an agreement with him, too, but it’s a sinister, one-sided one. You know you’re being used, but it’s the only thing he’ll accept from you right now. Will it be enough to facilitate a change later? Is change even possible for someone like him? 

You’re ready to do what is necessary if he shows his true colors or harms the others. For now, you’ve agreed to watch one another’s backs, and you think he might be considering loosely holding up his end of the bargain. That has to be enough for now. But he gets no good night. You feel sure he’d just reply with a snarky retort anyway.

Finally, you’re here. And you just watch Shadowheart praying quietly for a few moments. She looks up and sees you before you make yourself known. “Lady of Sorrows guide us. Did you want something?” There’s always this sadness that lingers in the air around her, but right now, it’s more concentrated. Like a dart fired into the shield of devotion with which she guards her heart. 

“You alright?” you ask softly. 

“What a strange thing to ask.” She stands and turns her back to you, pretending to look out at the horizon. Her tone is clearly an imitation of someone else. Perhaps that Mother Superior she’s told you about. Someone cold and uncaring. But it’s not her. 

“Is it?” You move up to stand behind her. Just out of arm’s reach, you feel it before you see it. Tears like starlight slipping down her cheeks. “Oh, kitten. I’m sorry.” 

You never know what to say to her. Nothing is ever quite right. And words are never enough. So you move close and rest your chin on top of her head, careful not to touch her with any other part of you. This is your secret language, just the two of you. How you ask permission. 

“I don’t know–!” Her voice cuts off, her shoulders trembling. You gently wrap your arms around her, and just stand quietly as she cries. Like a comforting tree bearing silent witness. Eventually, she turns toward you and rests her head against your chest. She never returns the embrace, and that’s perfectly okay. 

Times like this, it’s hard for you, too. Hard not to think about the little girl who will never grow into a woman. How much this woman, trying so hard to hide the little girl inside her, reminds you of your own daughter. Maybe the stoic tree lets slip a tear, too.

“I’m so proud of you,” you tell her softly. “You’re doing so well. Better and better every day.” 

This summons forth more tears. The clerics of Shar are not big on positive reinforcement, you guess. 

“Thank you,” she says at last, when the tears have finally subsided. Shadowheart steps back, and it’s over, her autonomy restored. She stands on her own again. 

“Any time,” you tell her warmly. And grin. “Don’t tell the others, but you know...you’re my favourite.” 

It startles a half smile from her. “You’re the only one I trust, so I suppose you’re mine, too.” 

“Sleep tight,” you tell her with a little wave. “Don’t let the–er. Well. If he does, make sure it’s consensual.” 

“I’d sooner kill him.” 

“That’s my girl.” The ghost of a smile remains as you walk back to the campfire, feeling more tired with every step. 

“Were you two talking about me again? I feel like you were.” Silent feet fall into step beside you. “You know I can always tell.”

“Would you just fuck off?” So much for savoring a moment. His pervasive anxiety is toxic and contagious. Of course he listens to everything everyone says, always. Surrounded by shadows, this one, mind and body. 

“Honestly, darling, you’re not quite my type.” 

“Go to bed, Astarion.” 

“I thought that’s what we were attempting to arrange. Or you were. As I said, I’m not much interested in the big, muscley, goody-goody type.” He waves a hand in your direction, gesturing idly at ‘all that.’

“Go sleep on your own bedroll. Alone. Please.” He gets under your skin too easily. You don’t mean to speak so harshly, but you always do. Take a deep breath. “When you’re ready. Obviously, I’m not telling you what to do.” 

“Bloody well right you’re not!” He looks down his nose at you the way he always looks down his nose at you (which is a neat trick, considering he’s almost a foot shorter than you are). That effortless air of superiority mixed with naked disgust. His sickly sweet tone drifts back to you over his shoulder as he slinks away: “Sweet dreams~” 

You bite back the urge to tell him to fuck off again. “Behave.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, darling.”

You know deep in your gut, you’re going to have to kill him eventually. But not today. Please, gods. Can you just rest, just this once? 

You must have been more tired than you thought. When you open your eyes, everyone else is sound asleep, gathered around the fire. You have that dizzy feeling that means your nightly offering has been accepted. Glance over and see him resting silently with the others. It’s the only time he looks remotely at peace.

At the edge of the firelight, Scratch looks out watchfully at the darkness. You call for him in a language he understands, and he pads over to lie down, his comforting bulk leaning against you. You push your fingers into his soft, white fur and slip into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

[fabbyf1]

sometimes when i’m completing actual adult tasks during my day i just stop and think about how long live!max and long live!charles would always hold hands even if other people didn’t and they both thought it was so wonderful and so everything that they weren’t embarrassed by their affection and they couldn’t ever understand why the other was that way and max just goes “i’ve been totally gone for you my whole life” and it’s like everything makes sense because it does!!!!!! and then i get butterflies and it’s like a warm hug and instant serotonin boost.

anyways, just thinking about how perfectly you captured them and off to read it for the third time this week 🥳

have a good weekend, kate! take care of yourself 💗

OH MY FUCKING GOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I LOVE CRYING FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

This may be my favorite message I've ever received. You're so incredibly sweet; thank you so much for your lovely words. I literally teared up reading it (but I'm also a baby, so.)

I LOVE THIS ABOUT LONG LIVE! MAX AND CHARLES. It was one of my favorite things I included in that story and I'm so glad it's special to you, too!!!!!

Fuck me. I'm gonna need a minute to get over this.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, BABY. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND TOO.

[redradley]

Nothing like your boss telling you what a good job you're doing right in front of the owner to boost the ol' serotonin first thing in the morning 🥰!

[willkimurashat]

Fanfiction writing asks

Well, i’d ask you all these questions but i need to choose so 12, 26, 36, 72, 79

(35. Will flower shop fic WAS A FREAKING MASTERPIECE 😭🧎🏻‍♀️🛐)

Heya there! Hahaha stawwp you’re too sweet!! 🥹🥹🥹 but thank you for the ask!🥰

12. Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?

Suuureee haha.. ha.. ha…👀

Nah, I mean, I try, but I’m just very shit at planning things out. It also depends on what kind of fic it is - for Stargazing I have an excel sheet that’s broken down into chapters/days in the villa and then what should happen in the morning, afternoon, evening, and night, but I strayed away from it many a time lol. For Beloved and Beloathed I have exactly zero outline whatsoever🙈 I don’t outline one shots either, except for Snog, Marry, Die, where I planned out the order of who dies when based on the horror film tropes (first is the comedic relief, then jock, then nerd, etc.)😄 I’m more of an intuitive, “go with the flow” kinda person and am very chaotic while writing. If I get an idea, I instead start a google doc with bullet points just jotting down thoughts or quotes that pop into my head:)

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

When I really want to get to the scene I’m super excited about, but I have to write 500 000 words before I can get to it😭😭😭 it makes me wanna crawl out if my skin sometimes lol😂

And also the preparation before writing - like, if I’m in the mood to write, but I have to have at least some idea of an outline and do at least some research before I can actually write😞 then I spiral into it and start overthinking everything and that really kills the vibe😒

36. What fic are you proudest of?

I’m honestly proud of all of them, otherwise I wouldn’t have posted them haha😅 but I’m gonna say Stargazing, for the sheer amount of time and effort it takes to write it. I can’t believe I decided to do something so incredibly ambitious and time consuming for my first fanfic - kudos to me lol!🙈

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

Aww I love all of my commenters and always giggle and kick my feet when I get a comment, it’s impossible to pick one🥺🥺🥺 I absolutely melt when people pull out quotes from my stories - the serotonin boost it gives me is impeccable lol🥹 or when people say they like my writing style🥰 or when people say they laughed or cried or felt scared while reading something I just- The fact that the silly little words I put together evoke such strong feelings and reactions in others makes me just so immensely happy, I can’t even express it😭💕💕💕

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

Lol I don’t feel qualified enough to give writing advice😅😅 But if I must, I guess what I’ll say is - write simple. There’s definitely beauty in simplicity and overusing fancy words doesn’t necessarily make it better. I think it’s more powerful to use big words sparingly, so that there’s more impact in when you do use them, but otherwise it can be jarring and won’t feel natural.

Fanfiction Writing Ask

[stop-weighting-for-change]

UPDATE 9

Hi!! So ok wow, it’s been yet again a lot of time passed since I last posted (exactly a year and week to the date of UPDATE 8 lolllllll).

So A LOT of shiettttt has changed so I’ll just begin:

-I kinda moved to new york city and got my dream job. The dream job I was devastated about not getting and posting about this time last year- HOLY SHIT. I always felt like in my heart it was supposed to/going to happen but it hadn’t allllllll the other (5 times) i applied and I told myself when applying the time I got it that it would be my last time bc i just needed to move on and... i got it. HOLY SHIT. -Although it was not as fast as I would have liked for it to have been, I’ve lost 21lbs in the last year- TWENTY ONE. Last June I weighed in at 195 again and as of THIS MORNING I’m 174.5. I NEED to keep it off this time. I WILL keep it off this time. -While i definitely do still suffer from anxiety, body dysmorphia and depression, I overall feel like things will work out this time. THEY WILL. -I miss my family (who live back on the west coast of the usa) more and more and more every single day. But I’m getting through it. The tide has been high but I’ve been holding on. -Diet Coke by Leanna Firestone is my anthem, my church, my everything and I feel v grateful to that song. -I miss my old coworkers bc while I have my dream job at my dream company I realized since being here that a lot of the glamour was built up in my head and it’s HARD to find a group of strangers bound together by work who are supportive and wonderful and funny and genuinely care about you. So when you have that/find that, TREASURE IT! Because it’s temporary. and compared to my last job, the new jabronies I work with aint shieeeeeeeet (:). -Finally I had a stellar 4th of July in The Washington Dictrict of Columbia with two of my favorite people and it was sooooooo needed.

That’s what I have in terms of updates which is pretty major: now looking towards the future!!

I get to see my mom and brother in 13 days and I could cry, i’m so happy. and i get to see them two weekends in a row!!!

AND THEN i’m meeting my family at wdw for a couple days and were gonna ride all the rides including COSMIC REWIND AT EPCOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe that last time I updated I hadn’t rode that ride yet........ wow what last July me didn’t even know what she was missing. Srsly if you haven’t rode that ride before ur missing out, i’ve never had that kind of serotonin boost before ever in my life.

Finally, I’m attempting to Chloe Ting again and become a runner (pray 4 me).

That’s it for now, but I forgot how good it feels to literally write this shit down even if -14 people read this. IT”S MY JOURNEY AND THIS IS FOR ME :’).

P.S. I need to pick up a library card- I signed up for one in March and haven’t gotten it yet. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME.

P.P.S. My love life (or last there of) is a disaster but what else is new. At least I’m getting my hair braided for the first time in a few decades and I’m v excited!!!!!