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k7l4d4 · 4 months

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K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 5

Hello all, I'm back again with another review! Was honestly unsure if I would get this one posted, given I had a rather long run today in regards to work.

This episode... frustrated me. It essentially serves as a roadmap of the writer's intention to isolate Adrien. In how it presented Adrien as being gaslit by Gabe into thinking his dad FINALLY gives a genuine shit about him and pushing him into a yes/no situation where he's forced to pick between staying a Model or letting Gabe use his image for the Alliance Rings, as well as how it just had Nino act like an utter idiot, running his mouth, putting on a very dumb plan to try and spy on Monarch's actions... the setup feels designed to leave Adrien with no one he can trust with his true feelings and concerns but Marinette/Ladybug, and given how tightlipped she is about herself, that's a recipe for disaster in terms of unbalanced relationships.

Anyway, on to the review! As always, warnings for profanity.

Episode 5: Illusion

Okay, we get some news interviews... and the thing that's standing out the most to me is XY being a completely ditzy moron, which makes the idea that he ever could've been able to set up holograms to do performances in his place during Season 1... SUSPECT, to put it lightly. Really Astruc, if you can't even do something like THAT consistent, you aren't gonna be able to hold together a message about "wealthy elites" or whatever nonsense is running through your head.

And oh boy, having Chloe be the local Strawman again, what a surprise. Like... Dude, Tommy, turning someone you are engineering to be hated by the audience into acting as the mouthpiece for every criticism of the show and characters you dislike, and in the most stupidly reductive takes ON those criticisms around makes you look like a petty jackass!

Okay, why the hell are the show host dude, Bob Roth, and the fucking BANANA presented as a panel of experts... I just do not have anything to say about that beyond "what the fuck?" Why are they using three randos as "experts" about the threat presented by a psychotic terrorist, and how to stop said terrorist, with one of said "experts" being a known corrupt executive!?

Honestly, what makes this stupid scene even worse is that literally NOTHING of substance is actually discussed, despite apparently being an important talk show segment about the safety of Paris. It trivializes the overall plot of the season, and the series as a whole by giving the implication that people are so unconcerned about it that a goofy spoof segment featuring a wacky tv host, a sleazy music producer, and a guy in a banana suit about how "serious" it is makes for prime entertainment.

And honestly? They could've made that set-up WORK by having Gabriel SEE the show and become furious that people aren't taking him seriously, and then plans out something audacious. But THAT would require Thomas to be willing to acknowledge that this scene just makes his "sympathetic villain" look like a complete joke.

Okay, we get a moment of Adrien being completely pissed off over the Alliance Rings and how they involve his father objectifying his image and voice even WORSE Than before... and decides to use his newly gained confidence to confront him over it. Good for him! Now how does this get ruined?

And there it is. "Call me dad." ...Thomas, if you were trying to portray Gabriel as sincerely trying to be a better father to Adrien... I honestly think this was the stupidest way you could've done it. Oh, he's only JUST NOW deciding to give a shit about his kid!? SERIOUSLY!? Right after setting things up so that he profits off of his son's image and voice. Combined between just how jarring it is that Gabriel is acting like this, as well as him claiming to take Adrien to school himself... I'm sorry, but this feels like he's gaslighting Adrien to me.

Oh yes, "disappeared." Not DEAD. Because oh no, we can't ever mention DEATH on a kid's show, no no no, we have to wiggle around the topic, no matter how blatantly we otherwise telegraph it. Better to imply that at best Emilie became a deadbeat parent and ran off, or worse that she got kidnapped or something, because CLEARLY THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WAY TO FRAME THIS SITUATION!!! Oh, and Gabriel's happy go-lucky "family man" mask immediately starts slipping with him nearly chucking the frying pan he's cooking in across the room. Wow, what a great dad, CLEARLY this is a man without anger and control issues!

And also, when and how have Adrien and his dad EVER been closer?? Like, apparently Adrien's mom has only "disappeared" since LAST YEAR, yet Adrien is completely weirded out by the idea of Gabriel being a "dad" instead of the cold, demanding father who micromanages his life. Again, THIS LOOKS LIKE HE IS GASLIGHTING HIS SON THOMAS!!!

And now we get to the crux of the matter... exploitation. Thomas, Gabriel basically profiteering off of his son's image (which could be used against him in some VERY creepy ways, I might add!!), whether it be through having him do photo shoots and model clothing/jewelry, or by having him be the controllable face of the AI rings scattered across the city, IS EXPLOITATION. Him having "more time to spend with his son" DOES NOT MAKE IT BETTER since he seems damn convinced to take advantage of his son and ignore his actual wants and feelings. Heck, again, him justifying the Alliance Rings using his son's image and voice on the basis of "spending more time together" just comes off as either emotional manipulation or gaslighting, since he's pushing Adrien into the framework of accepting one uncomfortable and exploitative situation or the other, while denying him the right to not be involved in EITHER ONE. Him trying to put on the "happy family man" role does not work, he just feels like a creep about it, and the fact that he's making Adrien doubt standing up to him because he's acting "nicer" gives the implication that he's only doing this so he can better manipulate Adrien into doing what HE wants Adrien to do, not what Adrien actually cares about. GAAAAHHHH!!!!

Okay, we get a scene of Alya and Marinette theorizing about how Hawkmoth is empowering his Akumas with Miraculous powers... and yeah, I can see where their theories are coming from, given their lack of information. Oh hey, Nino showed up! ...This is gonna be the start of the trainwreck, isn't it?

Alright, so Nino basically blows off his future to be, as he puts it, a "superhero," and seems to meaningfully think he'll be able to help against Monarch. Like... I don't MIND the passion and idealism behind this, but I have the sinking feeling this is gonna go to shit really fast. Okay, just got started up again... and seriously Nino, "Comrade Mayo, Comrade Ketchup?" Thomas, are you even TRYING to make Nino serious!? This... this is little kid shit!! And I don't mean the viewers, I mean this is demeaning!! It's just like that stupid meeting before, it's talking down to the audience by assuming they "won't get it" and using the most childish interpretation of what SHOULD BE a serious talking point for the series!!

I LITERALLY JUST STARTED THIS BACK UP, HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THAT MUCH IN JUST HALF A MINUTE!?

Yeah, yeah, Marinette should absolutely be the one to question Adrien about the Alliance Rings, not Nino or anyone else who knows him. Oh, and of COURSE they fucking dismiss the fact that Marinette is FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT SHE HAS NO SELF CONTROL AROUND ADRIEN AS A BAD THING BECAUSE IT GETS IN THE WAY OF "TRUE LOVE" BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT!? Ughh... this is getting "better and better."

Nino, dude, using secret "codenames" in a public setting, particularly dumb ones named after condiments, makes you look like a fucking moron. Does- Does Thomas genuinely believe that this makes Nino look clever or something...?

Did. Did that literally JUST happen. Did Nino. SERIOUSLY ADMIT. To being a Superhero and then UNMASK HIS GIRLFRIEND in front of two people who he has no evidence have ever had anything to DO with the Miraculouses!? WHAT THE RAGING FUCKWAFFLE ASTRUC!? No. NO ON EVERY LEVEL!! This is the kind of nonsense that makes it very FUCKING OBVIOUS THAT YOU ARE A HACK!!! No, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF THE SHOW IS FRAMING HIS EXPOSING THIS IS A BAD THING, IT IS STILL FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE I DUNNO, WHAT IF LADYBUG GETS THE MIRACULOUSES BACK AND YOU JUST PROVED YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO KEEP YOUR IDENTITY SECRET ANYMORE GENIUS!? Astruc, YOU ARE NOT CLEVER!!! THIS IS THE MOST BONEHEADED BIT OF NONSENSE YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLE HAVE NINO DONE AND MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE THE LAST PERSON WHO SHOULD BE RUNNING A RESISTANCE MOVEMENT!!

But then again, given you are repeatedly portraying him as an incompetent and goofy idiot who is taking things too seriously in the worst possible way, I am wondering if this might be FUCKING DELIBERATE!!! I cannot even BEGIN to fathom why you think making Nino the local DITZ is important, and I don't care to, because this is fucking GARBAGE!!!

FUCK THIS EPISODE WITH A RUSTY SPOON, for it has tarnished the very IDEA of this episode being able to pull off dramatic and serious storylines with this one episode alone. It's one thing to portray a dramatic or serious storyline and bungle it by making it push too far or with improper set-up, but this? This episode so far has TRIVIALIZED the entire series in the worst way imaginable. It's not the worst episode in terms of writing, but the anger I'm feeling puts it pretty high up there.

"The only ones who need to keep their secret identities are Ladybug and Chat Noir, not us!" Nino... (Breathes deep) BOY!! Wow, it sure is great that there ISN'T a magical terrorist going around, actively looking for anyone and everyone he can use as leverage to fulfill his personal ambitions and who HAS made it a point of targeting civilians he so much as SUSPECTS of being connected to the Superheroes opposing him, even if it's just to use as FUCKING BAIT!! Because that would make this blase attitude and dismissal of personal safety and secrets that aren't his to share UTTERLY FUCKING MORONIC!!! Astruc... get fucked with a rusty spoon. You have shamed the concept of Superheroes. I am very neutral on Nino, and even I CAN FUCKING TELL THIS IS OUT OF CHARACTER FOR HIM ON EVERY FUCKING LEVEL!!!

You know, something just occurred to me... Chloe had Adrien's Gabriel-decided diet delivered all the way to the Cafeteria and hand-delivered it to him. Granted, it wasn't her hands but still, that is a LOT of effort to go for... well, ANYONE. While the intended takeaway by Astruc is that she "doesn't GET Adrien and is forcing him to be someone he's not!!" she's really not forcing him at all, even when she obviously disapproves, and would've had fuck all ways of knowing that Adrien was unhappy with how deeply Gabriel dictated his life. To her, this was an act of kindness on a whim for her only friend besides Sabrina. Oh, and OF FUCKING COURSE THEY IGNORE THAT CHLOE CUT ADRIEN OUT OF HER LIFE BACK IN SEASON FOUR BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT!?

Okay, back on, and we get a moronic scene of Nino justifying CONTINUING to talk about his secret that isn't technically his right to share with Adrien... but it also highlights the MANY blatant double-standards going on in this fucking fiasco of a series!! For god-fucking SAKES, what honestly makes this all stupider is that Nino is blabbing about telling a secret that he blabbed to Adrien on the basis of them being "best friends," while Adrien hasn't shared that he is Chat Noir, yet Marinette told Alya HER secret, and both say that she hasn't shared secrets between them... WHERE DO I EVEN FUCKING BEGIN WITH THIS CLUSTERFUCK OF A FIASCO!?

For starters, not only is this is a massively hypocritical double-standard presented in showing that it's okay for Marinette to share HER secret identity with Alya, while punishing Nino for having told Adrien HIS secret identity, it also makes Marinette look WORSE by showing that, for all his numerous faults and inconsistencies as a hero, Adrien has at least fucking held to THAT RULE TO AN IRONCLAD DEGREE!! Oh no, let's not get into the potential implications of what this would mean for his friendship with Nino if he ever found out later, oh no, let's move on and NOT focus on that, please and fucking thank you!!

The second aspect to this nonsense is how Nino STILL DOES NOT FUCKING SEE THE PROBLEM WITH BLABBING A DANGEROUS SECRET IN A PUBLIC CAFETERIA!! Even IGNORING this monumentally stupid double-standard (I GET why Marinette told Alya, but it's still a humongous double-standard in that, despite having confided in a trusted confidant herself, Marinette never gave the fucking okay to Chat Noir, since HE DESERVES TO HAVE A CONFIDANT AS WELL!!), it feels like this stupid scene is trying to JUSTIFY this double-standard by making Nino an incompetent idiot who cannot for the life of him keep a fucking secret!!

And now Lila is showing up, how will this ruin things further...?

And Marinette is immediately on the offensive. As much as people still falling for Lila's lies is obnoxiously stupid, moments like THIS CRAP make it pretty damn easy to see where the "jealousy" claims come from. It is STILL STUPID, but when you have her go and say "all the seats are taken!!" particularly when the boy everyone claims you are jealous over is there, IT MAKES HER LOOK SUPER JEALOUS!!! Gggaaahhh... Astruc, why are you such a fucking idiot...

And we get Nino trying to claim that they are in a secret meeting. In the middle of the lunchroom. Where ANYONE CAN OVERHEAR HIM SINCE HE WASN'T BOTHERING TO KEEP HIS VOICE DOWN BEFORE HAND. Yeah, this is bullshit SQUARED.

Okay just... just... the metaphor just BARELY works, but it really kills the tension. Adding dramatic music does not make a metaphor about adding and removing honey from yogurt NOT sound goofy and stupid. And when I say "barely," I mean "not at all" because honey would be incorporated into yogurt, meaning you can't remove it, so the simile/metaphor falls apart right away. And then... we get Nino's "plan." I feel that I will be pissed off from this! Oh, and Lila apparently took a photo and posted it on all of her social media accounts, THAT will be fun!

Nino claims to make an Akumatization happen... and record it... dude. ALL THE FUCK NO!!! If the point of this nonsense is to make Nino look stupid and untrustworthy, YOU HAVE FUCKING SUCCEEDED ASTRUC!! The "magic ladybugs fix things anyway, so no consequences matter" is the logic that is literally used by Scarlet Lady, one of the nastiest Salt-fic takes on Chloe around!! You are actively making Nino use the logic of a sociopath, especially since Nino seemingly isn't taking into account the possibility of "WHAT IF LADYBUG AND CHAT NOIR LOSE!?" There is faith, and then there is blockheaded NONSENSE!!

Oh, and NO, the Akumatized victims remember FULL AND WELL what caused them to get Akumatized, it's what they were DOING while Akumatized that they don't remember, dumbass. Astruc, how the FUCK did you think this nonsense was a good idea!?

And then we get Nino dismissing all the criticism on the basis of "eh, I've got you guys, it'll be fine!!" Like... again, this is the difference between having faith in someone and being SUICIDALLY OVERCONFIDENT!! And now a hoard of Adrien fans are storming the place because of Lila's posted photo, of course. Also, it looks like they put in Wayhem but with recolored hair in the front of the crowd. For a guy who is meant to be a fan of Adrien's, he's not so good at respecting Adrien's desire for privacy and space.

And apparently Nino's reasoning for targeting a parent for tormenting is on the basis of "almost all of them have been Akumatized at some point" while ignoring WHAT IT WAS THAT CAUSED THEM TO BE AKUMATIZED!! Oh, and don't get me started on him glossing over how that label ALSO APPLIES TO ALL OF HIS TEACHERS!! Just... fucking FUCK this shithole of an episode!!

Oh, started back up again. Nino actually makes a good point about whether or not Gabriel has really changed and if this is just a publicity stunt for the Alliance Ring... but the fact that he is saying this TO GABRIEL'S EMOTIONALLY ABUSED SON makes him look like a fucking idiot and utterly insensitive. And while it's not a publicity stunt, I'd say he's right that Gabriel hasn't changed and this is just performative on Gabriel's part to make himself feel better about being a supervillain.

Okay, it looks like Nino is apparently acknowledging that he went too far and shouldn't have said something like that to Adrien. But considering how stupid the rest of this episode has made him, it's barely anything.

Marinette... No. NO!! You should damn well fucking KNOW that trying to deliberately CAUSE an Akumatization is a fucking disaster waiting to happen!! There is no ethically rationalizing this choice, and what is the fucking point of having revealed your secret to Alya if you aren't going to back her up when she's speaking in your alter ego's name on something you SHOULD KNOW IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!?

Alya, you are right on the money, WHY IN THE WORLD ARE THEY FUCKING GOING ALONG WITH THIS!? Even if it's GABRIEL, you are all literally talking about torturing another human being "for the greater good." Do you have ANY CLUE what kind of BS that is!? There, there is no way to condone this level of insanity!! You cannot make someone look sympathetic when they do shit like this!!

Oh, and Lila apparently overheard everything and is gonna go rat them out to Gabriel, HOW THE HELL DID THEY NOT HEAR HER FOOTSTEPS!? Them missing her in the chaos of sneaking out of the mob SHE CAUSED I can get, but this!? Nope, not at all, particularly when the only effort she's putting into hiding is standing off to the distance.

Okay, we get a scene of the Parent-Teacher Conferences and WOW, they did not even TRY to fill the seats in the slightest. Oh, we get Max's mom, Sabine, Anarka, Mrs. Rossi, Roger, Otis, Andre, Mylene's Dad, and Gabriel... but I notice a distinct lack of representation for Ivan, Nathaniel, Kim, Rose, or Nino. Heck, even if they were just nameless background characters, they could've given us SOMETHING TO GO OFF OF!!

Moving on...

Okay, they are talking about a file regarding helping the kids figure out what they would like their futures to be, and apparently the school already has them... so what the fuck is with a certain future plot point regarding THIS EXACT SITUATION!?

...Wow. They are seriously not even TRYING to make it look like they aren't deliberately trying to get Gabriel dirty. Seriously, at least with Marinette, you at least have something resembling an EXCUSE for this garbage, since she has a reputation for being a klutz and forgetting things (both in terms of leaving them behind and having them with her) so her bringing along food from the cafeteria and then getting it all over someone due to being clumsy, at least THAT MAKES SOMETHING RESEMBLING SENSE!! But Adrien literally just turned to his dad, holding a plate of food, and the deliberately PITCHED HIMSELF FORWARD!!! For the love of SHIT, after putting us through this nonsensical hodgepodge of a "plot," THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU COULD COME UP WITH TO EXPLAIN HOW THEY GET GABRIEL AKUMATIZED!? THIS!?!? FUCK THIS NOISE WITH A RUSTY SPOON!!!

And Alya isn't even PRETENDING to have an excuse or reason for this. Not even leaving something behind. She's also not playing along.... BUT SHE IS STILL GOING ALONG WITH THIS!? And Nino, there's such a thing as "cutting your losses and picking someone else." Insistently attempting to get the result you want on a specific target is a losing battle, and makes you look LIKE A FUCKING MORON!!

And that was a waste of a perfectly good chocolate cake too!

Who saw "Adrien gets pulled out of school due to making Gabriel mad" coming? Honestly? ME!! AS SHOULD ANYONE WITH A BRAIN BECAUSE NEWS FLASH NINO, PEOPLE GET MAD OVER THINGS EVERY SINGLE DAY!! JUST TRYING TO FORCE SOMEONE YOU KNOW AND DISLIKE TO GET UPSET TO BE AKUMATIZED IS NOT GOING TO WORK, AND GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO UPSET SOMEONE WITH POWER AND AUTHORITY HAS FUCKING CONSEQUENCES FOR DOING SO!!! Dear GOD, if this isn't a plot by Thomas to make Nino look like an idiot, a bad friend, and someone Adrien cannot trust with his secret, then he is an even BIGGER FUCKING HACK THAN I ALREADY THOUGHT!!!

Marinette, for once, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ADRIEN!! You literally have NOTHING TO DO WITH GABRIEL TAKING HIM OUT OF SCHOOL BESIDES YOUR WILLINGNESS TO GO ALONG WITH THIS NONSENSICAL PLAN!!! I have never in my life scene a writer turn their own main character INTO A FUCKING STRAWMAN!!! Because honestly? When it comes to the Love Square at this stage, THAT IS WHAT SHE IS!! She offers up hollow arguments as to why she "can't" be with Adrien that she doesn't actually follow up on, and it honestly just comes off as her whining about how unfair her life is rather than just, I don't know, GET THERAPY!? Because that's what she needs, a therapist who can get it through her skull that the problem isn't that she's "a curse," or "needs to stop loving him," she needs to learn how to ACT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING AROUND HIM , but because she never puts up a real argument as to why her crush is a bad thing, she just keeps getting pushed back in his direction by Alya with NONE of her actual underlying problems being addressed!!!

Yup. Gabe is pissed off. He couldn't make it a single fucking day with keeping up the "happy dad mask" and it is as obnoxious as possible.

And WOW, the "Illusion Gabriel" is honestly pretty fucking stupid, honestly. Like, the dude is supposed to be pissed off at having had a bad day where his efforts to try and bond with his son were squandered, but he has the illusion version... moping about how nobody is accepting his efforts to change!? Astruc, is this meant to be a snide reference to people who expected Chloe to change, or do you HONESTLY think anyone views the situation like this!? Like, if it were just Gabriel's own delusions of being a moral person, that would be one thing, but people are apparently buying it, and it is STUPID.

"Don't worry, we got the video!" A video that shows literally nothing and "coincidentally" glitched out the exact moment he "got the Miraculous power." Ugh... What's really stupid is that the Illusion Collector is AN ILLUSION, so... like, how did he even FIND Marinette and the others so quickly? He should have no clue they are even THERE yet!! And I just KNOW this is gonna get worse...

And Nino just blurted out his "secret codename" for the world to hear, AGAIN, this time in front of what he thinks is an Akuma... does he SERIOUSLY THINK that this wouldn't tip Monarch off to the fact that ordinary citizens are plotting against him, and take steps to counter it!?

And now Monarch gives himself a bunch of powers directly to ambush the heroes while they are distracted by the illusion. To be honest? It's a good plan. Even if it blows open the fact that they are fighting an illusion (which is doubtful, unless he specifically uses Voyage in front of them AS Monarch), it's at least a decently executed strategy to maximize his odds of snagging their Miraculouses.

Okay, so Chat got Venomed... Marinette, you KNOW WHAT BEING HIT BY VENOM LOOKS LIKE, HOW ARE YOU NOT IMMEDIATELY ON GUARD!? And asking him what he's "afraid of," Marinette, people DO NOT FREEZE IN PLACE HOLDING A POSE WHEN THEY ARE SCARED, RIGHT DOWN TO THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!!! GAAAHHHH!!!

If there is ANYTHING that fucking infuriates me more than inconsistent storytelling, it's STUPIDITY driving the storytelling. Seriously, one MASSIVE recurring point with the Akumas is that they aren't aware of their actions or fully in control of themselves, so Gabe making his Illusion-clone say "it's too late to save me! I've tried to change-" and that's as far as I got before pausing it to calm down MY SHEER RAGE at this nonsense... yeah, no. If anything, THIS MAKES GABE LOOK LESS SYMPATHETIC YOU FUCKING HACKS!!! Because so far, the ONLY Akumas that have been shown to be genuinely in control of their actions are those who were Akumatized WILLINGLY!! You cannot come back from that!! Whatever shit happened in his normal life DOES NOT JUSTIFY TEAMING UP WITH A LITERAL FUCKING TERRORIST!!!

Seriously, this is FUCKING STUPID!! Trying to make Gabriel look sympathetic NOW, right when he is "mid-Akumatization," even if we DIDN'T know that it was all bullshit... I'm honestly baffled how Ladybug didn't pick up that something was wrong, since the ONLY Akuma that has ever expressed any ability to deviate from their Akuma-derived obsession was Evillustrator... and that was only TEMPORARY before it came back worse then before. Like, does Thomas REALLY think that making it that Akumas are always aware of what they are doing and do it knowingly makes for GOOD FUCKING WRITING!?

HOW THE FUCK DID MARINETTE NOT NOTICE THAT GABRIEL WASN'T SOAKING WET DESPITE HAVING FALLEN INTO THE WATERS OF THE SEWER!? And it was AFTER he had "rejected the Akuma," so if the authors try and spin some BS I am going to call them out on it!!

One more one last thing. Apparently Nino and Alya think that a glitch in the video is a "magic lightning bolt" that sends and retrieves the Miraculous... and it ends with ALYA apologizing and going along with Nino's nonsense. No having Nino learn a lesson about being going too far even for a good cause (which would at least have been SOMETHING to make this less cringe-inducing), oh no, we have it that ALYA, the only one in this "Resistance" who has been talking sense this episode, realize that "Nino was right all along!" Because CLEARLY getting a crappy video was more important than having potentially traumatized someone!! NOW I'm moving on.

Not gonna mention this latest bit of stupidity coming forward involving Nino basically admit to this nonsense... nope, not gonna do it. Not gonna give into the anger.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb season 5 spoilers #mlb season 5 salt #mlb writing critical #mlb writing salt

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bisluthq · 3 months

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Ttpd intrigues me so much because no matter what the swifties tell you, she 100% marketed the album on Joever. Maybe she was really that pissed off at the "pearl-clutching-sarahs-and-hannahs" in her own words, that she wanted everyone to experience that collective whiplash the moment we realised where this was going.

And it was a gamble, alright? I'd say she hasn't even recovered all her losses yet. For someone who has *people pleaser* tattooed on their forehead, you'd think she would focus more on what's more palatable and agreeable for her fanbase and general audiences. You'd think she'd try to milk the death of her SIX YEAR LONG relationship that everyone was obsessed with decoding. You'd think she would ride that wave for a while but No.

There's currently a pretty brutal hate train launched on her on Twitter for many reasons.. but my prediction is that it all got aggravated by the release of TTPD which gave people an opportunity to dunk on her. And honestly, it's kind of called for.

Like how did she not see the LITANY of ways in which writing a satirical and sordid album about Gen-Z's villain of the year could end badly? Especially when she's known for being a great businesswoman and should've capitalized on the Joever hype if nothing else?

She had an open door to reclaim the narrative, to make a mature an introspective record about the inevitable sinking of a ship that was structurally flawed and how these kinds of things aren't always black and white yada yada, gotten her critical acclaim and gotten out.

I would say TTPD is not a bad album, but it is from a business standpoint, a terrible move. She wanted to be honest and messy I get it, but some of the things she confesses on that album you couldn't waterboard out of me.

Red is a honest and messy album too, but she makes it so perfectly raw and pitiful that it just works. Ttpd is something that would've worked during Reputation era, not now. She needed another 1989 now, and she chose to fumble that bag.

Some anti Travlors are speculating the whole album was some secret coded message to Matty and while I don't agree, I will say that the album is very lore-intensive and kind of manic in an unsavory way. Why on earth is she defending that dude even if in an ironic way? At her age and state of fame, you SHOULD know better than to lay all of that out for the public to dissect.

Also, is she really going to let Joe get away with *checks notes* like three songs if you squint hard enough? She wrote five whole albums about this guy mind you. She loves giving the people what they want, so what happened?

She released YLM knowing that everyone would think that's how TTPD would sound like. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY foresaw the truth. She's insane truly but that doesn't always give her the greatest results sorry to say

I disagree with the idea that TTPD was bad business wise - she’d not have been able to keep blocking other artists from #1 on the Billboard 200 with rando ass variants if this had been a commercial failure. I think people getting mad on Twitter doesn’t really translate to business.

I also - and I mean this nicely - am not sure she could do a good Joever album. YLM is sad but it puts the blame on him and that’s kinda what she always does with her breakup songs (or in that case just a sad song). To write a really introspective thing, she would’ve needed to leave him not for Matty and also seriously and thoughtfully acknowledge her own faults and her own fuckups and that’d not be a Taylor album then. That’s not how she processes stuff. And I’m not sure that album - basically 30 (Taylor’s Version) would’ve done great commercially at all. Not even so much because of young fans but because of Karens who want to have villains to her fairytale princess.

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gaysimpsstuff · 4 years

Text

Addidentally Injuring Their S/o

Part Two Here

YT Video Here (thanks @vanillaicedlatte-yt)

Genre: a n g s t

Type: Drabble/ Headcannons

Summary: in the heat of an arguement, after a battle, etc., they activate their quirk and Y/n somewhat permanently.

Warnings: gore, blood, fighting/ cursing, crying, burns, toxic relationships, 290 spoilers, endeavor

Other: This was meant to come out yesterday, but shitty mental health got in the way, so yeet. Also, I’m sorry these get worse and worse as they progress, that’s usually how things go for me. This was also inspired by a Tik Tok that I can’t find where Shigaraki accidentally dusts y/n who’s trying to comfort him. It was a Cosplay, if anyone can find it please let me know so I can link it and credit the creator.

Characters: Shigaraki, Dabi, Bakugou, Todoroki

Angst Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy (let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist)

Tomura Shigaraki

It had started as a great day, a perfect day even. Everyone was listening to him, the league was getting news coverage, people were afraid.

Everything was too perfect.

Something was going to go wrong, he was sure of it.

He hated the way everyone was laughing and joking together, Toga helping Magne do her nails, Spinner playing video games with Twice backstage, and you were chatting with Dabi and Compress about the league’s next moves.

Kuroguri was off doing something or other, and he’d mentioned another ‘follower of All For One.’

But something felt off.

And of course you would notice him.

You were hiding at an abandoned theatre, and he was sitting on the edge of the stage, staring out at the empty audience.

You were with Dabi and Compress in the wings, and glanced away from them towards your boyfriend.

He seemed stressed, scratching at his neck vigorously. You sighed, standing up and heading over to him, sitting beside him.

You placed your hand on top of his spare hand, offering him a soft smile.’

“Hey, baby~” you cooed. “How’s my boyfriend doing?”

He grumbled, yanking his hand away from you. Your theory was correct, he was stressed about something.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially not you. You always tried to comfort him and convince him everything was ‘okay’ even when it wasn’t.

“Go away.” He growled. “I’m trying to think.”

“Thinking about what?” You asked, scooching closer to him.

“None of your fucking business!” He snapped at you, and you flinched away from him.

“Tomura, I was just trying to help-“ you frowned at him. He could be immature and bratty at times he’s, but he usually made sure not to get that way with you.

“I don’t give a shit! I don’t need your damn help!” He stood up, marching over to the wings to head backstage. You followed suit.

Compress and Dabi quickly rushed off the stage when they saw Shigaraki heading towards them. Dabi stopped for a moment next to you, looking at you.

“Good luck with him.” He said, jerking his head towards Shigaraki. You shrugged at him.

Shigaraki overheard Dabi’s notion, anger and distress intensifying. Good luck? Good luck?! What the hell was wrong with him?

Dabi and Compres joined Toga and Magne in the red velvet chairs, Compress requesting that he gets his nails done in orange and black when she finished with Magne’s.

Shigaraki pushed aside the large heavy curtains blocking his way backstage, finding Spinner and Twice huddled near a small TV, an old PvP game loading onscreen

They both looked over their shoulders, staring up at their boss. You quickly darted backstage, crouching next to the ‘gamer boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis’ as they had nicknamed themselves.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered to them. “He’s in a bit of a mood. I’ll take care of it, okay?”

Did he hear you correctly?

A mood?

You’ll ‘take care of it?’

Of it?

What.

The.

Fuck.

“Say that again, to my fuckung face!” Shigaraki screamed at you. “Tell me I’m just ‘iN a MoOd’ again!!”

You turned to him, eyes wide and scared.

“I’m sorry, Tomura, I didn’t mean it like that- I just didn’t want our friends to worry!”

“They aren’t our fucking friends! They just work for us- they work for me!” He corrected himself.

You stood up, flicking your wrist to motion for Twice and Spinner to leave. They quickly turned off their game and rushed away.

“You might not consider them our friends, but they’re certainly my friends. And I won’t let you scare my friends.” You stood your ground, taking a step towards him.

He scoffed, turning around and marching back onstage. You sighed, following after him, again.

“Please, Tomura talk to me. I’m your partner I want to help you!” You exclaimed. “You’re worrying me, please!”

“Well I don’t want to fucking talk!” He shouted, “and I don’t have to!”

“Please, Tenko!”

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME!”

Red.

He saw red.

His hand flew away from him before he could stop himself, a target missile. It’s destination? Your face.

You lifted your hands instinctively, and he grabbed your wrist, fingers curling around your skin.

In that moment, all he felt was relief. Thank fucking god you’d lifted your arms. It was the one thing that has saved you from him.

You screamed, pain shooting up through you from your arm. Your skin peeled, falling away in tiny fragments of dust.

The dust fell around his fingers, your hand and wrist were completely gone now.

You felt someone pull you backwards, and you saw a glint of silver as Toga quickly severed your arm, blood spilling onto the floor of the stage where the pile of dust that used to be your arm lay.

You fell to your knees, screaming, reaching up and clutching at your elbow- the point of separation- desperately, trying to will your arm back into existence.

“TOMURA!” You shrieked, tears falling down your cheeks. “TOMURA! FIX IT!!”

It was hopeless, you knew there was no way for him to un-dust you. You fell forward, forehead pressed against the floor.

Shigaraki took a step back, glancing at his hand. There were a few speckles of dust resting on his palm. His breath quickened, eyes widening as he cupped his other hand over his mouth.

He stared down at you, Blood staining your shirt as you screamed and cried.

It must have hurt.

He remembered the promise he’d made after you’d started dating, when he’d protected you from some assholes trying to mug you.

“I promise you, I’m going to protect you. Nothing, no one, will lay a hand on you ever again.”

It was a promised meant against anyone who posed a threat to you.

He never meant to become a threat himself.

Touya Todoroki/ Dabi

Some days were always going to be better than others, that’s simply how it works when you’re recovering from trauma.

Today was one of the bad days.

He’d woken up with a thick, heavy, dark feeling in his chest.

He wasn’t even comforted by the warmth your body produced next to him.

Most days he’d roll over and wrap his arm around your body, pulling you close to his body to cuddle you.

This morning however, Dabi rolled away from you and climbed out of bed. You looked over your shoulder at him, confused and slightly hurt. Did you do something to make him upset last night?

You followed after your angsty boyfriend, walking out of the bedroom and down the hall into the kitchen.

He crashed at your apartment a lot, being a villain it was hard to get his own home. You didn’t know where he stayed when he wasn’t at your place.

He grabbed a box of cereal out of the cupboards, pouring himself a bowl. You pulled the milk out of the fridge, handing it to him with a smile.

He scrunched up his nose at your kindness, snatching the carton from your hand and angrily pulling the cap off.

You sighed, nervously pouring yourself a bowl as Dabi started to eat. He didn’t even bother to sit at the table.

“Hey, babe? You okay? You seem kind of... off today.”

Your boyfriend glanced down at you, cerulean eyes seemingly staring right through you.

“M’fine.” He grunted. Your frown tightened.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that.” You shook your head at him.

Dabi glared down at you in annoyance. His scowl deepening. You took a step back, concerned and scared.

“Dabi, please talk to me.” You pleaded with him.

“Uzéndayo.” He grumbled angrily. “Fuck off.”

“Please, you’ll hurt my feelings.” You scoffed sarcastically. “You can talk to me, y’know.”

“Don’t fuckin need to. Leave me alone.”

“Dabi, this is my place. I’m not leaving you alone.”

“Then I’ll leave!” He snapped, brushing past you and leaving his cereal on the counter to sog.

He snatched his jacket off the back of the couch, shrugging it onto his shoulders.

“Seriously, Dabi! What the hell’s going on! Did I do something wrong?”

It pissed him off further to hear you blame yourself. You always thought it was your fault, but it never was.

“Oh shut the fuck up for once! Quit thinking it’s all about you! It’s not always about you!”

“Dabi just fucking talk to me! I’m not letting you leave until you tell me what’s wrong!”

You stepped in front of the door, flinging your arms open to block ilhis exit. He looked you in the eyes, seething.

“Nothing happened!” He shouted “Sometimes I’m just angry for no reason! Get out of my way and I’ll take my anger out on some rando and not on you. Then I’ll come back and we can pretend this never happened.”

“Dabi I won’t let you just kill some innocent person because you’re upset! Just sit with me and we can talk it out and-“

“That’s always your solution! Quit being a wimpy pacifist and move!”

“I’m not a pacifist, I just don’t think you should kill without reason!”

“Well I have a fucking reason!”

“And what’s that?”

“I want to!”

“That’s not a reason!”

“Just get out of my fucking way or I’ll make you!”

“Dabi, just talk to me!”

It was the last thing you said before he grabbed your arm and pulled your body forward to meet his. Your chest pressed against his, his face right in front of yours.

It’d be hot if you weren’t so scared.

“Listen here you little shit,” he growled, low and angry “I’m stronger than you in every fucking way.”

“Dabi?”

“I could kill you in an instant if I so desired.”

“Dabi-“

“Incinerate your filthy annoying ass any day I want, so be fucking grateful for once and watch your damn mouth!”

“Dabi!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN! I am superior to you in every way, you should be grateful I even share oxygen with you!”

“DABI YOU’RE HURTING ME!”

“I DON’T CARE IF IT HURTS, LISTEN TO ME YOU DIRTY MOTHERFUCKER!” He screamed in your face, eyes wild with unchecked rage.

Tears flowed down your face as you sobbed, indescribable pain was shooting up through your arms.

Dabi’s eyes finally drifted downwards, and he froze, mouth falling slack.

Smoke was billowing off his hands, and his knuckles were white with how hard he was gripping you.

He snapped his hands away from you, curling them into his body as his eyes widened. He took a few steps back.

There were black scorch marks on your body in the shape of his hands. They looked real bad.

“Get out.” You whispered, so soft he couldn’t hear.

“W-what?”

“GET OUT!” You screamed, pointing at the door despite the intense pain in your arms. “GET OUT OR I’M CALLING THE POLICE!”

“B-baby I’m sorry!” He shouted “I didn’t mean to, I promise!”

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOME BEFORE I TURN YOU IN!”

Dabi stumbled past you, quickly rushing out of your apartment and shutting the door behind him.

His back was pressed against the wood as he slid down, covering his face as he listened to your sobs on the other side, hearing your footsteps fade into the bathroom, probably to run cold water on your skin.

For a moment, all the could think about was the cereal on the counter, getting soggy.

“Fuck.” He muttered, eyes burning as they tried to produce tears without his tear ducts.

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

Shoto Todoroki

Shit wrong emo scar boy with daddy issues, fire powers, and an evil older sibling with blue fire

There we go

It was a shitty day.

Well, most days were shitty days, but today was shittier than usual.

A home visit, Endeavor trying to act like he was ‘upset about everything that happened,’ and pretending he was the victim in the situation.

It would be enough to set anyone on edge, especially Shouto.

So it wasn’t much of a surprise when he returned to the dorms with a deep frown on his face.

Even when Midoriya, Iida, and Uraraka tried to talk to him, he still seemed angry the whole time. There was really only one thing that should be able to cheer him up. Let’s hope you do your job well.

“Knock knock~ Shouto it’s me!” you stood on the outside of Shouto’s dorm. You knew Shouto must be stressed, so you’d gotten him some brownies from the sweets cupboard, Sato’s locks were easy to pick.

“I don’t want to fucking talk.” his response was blunt, clearly annoyed that you’d bothered his brooding. “Go away.”

You sighed, he could act like such a child sometimes!

“Shouto, I just want to cheer you up! Let me in, babe.” a moment later, he swung the door open, am annoyed glare on his face. You smiled sweetly at him, handing him the plate of brownies. His hands remained in his pockets, glancing down at the brownies then back up at you.

“Um... can I come in?” you asked quietly. He shrugged, stepping aside to let you in. You stepped past him, sitting on the edge of the platform bed, setting the brownies on the nightstand.

Shouto closed the door behind him, turning to face you.

“Do... do you want to talk about it?” Shouto huffed, shaking his head and looking away from you.

“Do I look like I want to talk?” he snapped. You flinched, his tone was harsh.

“Shouto I just want to help, you don’t need to be rude.”

“I don’t give a shit if I’m being ‘rude.’“ He growled, arms crossed.

His eyes stared coldly at you. Yeah, he was definetly upset.

“That’s okay, we can chat about something else. Oh, Sato probably needs to change the lock on the sweets cupboard, I kinda broke it getting you these brownies!” you looked up at him, smile faltering as he looked down his nose at you. “Are... are you mad at me?”

“Wow, you just noticed that.” he rolled his eyes. “I told you to go away but you didn’t.”

“I-I’m sorry, I was just really worried about you. You’re my boyfriend and I love you, I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“Then maybe you should try fucking listening to me for once. If I don’t want to talk, then you can’t make me talk.” You nodded, apologizing again.

“Oh my god shut the fuck up!” he shouted. “You’re always talking, always apologizing, you’re getting on my fucking nerves!”

“Okay!” you stood up quickly, lifting your hands defensively. “I’ll just leave!”

You brushed past him on your way to the door, hesitating on the handle. You glanced over your shoulder at him.

“Would you fucking stop with the pity?” you looked at the ground, not saying anything.

You heard the slap before you felt it.

The sting shot through your face, and you could hear Shouto shouting at you, but it was muffled. You didn’t know what he was saying.

You lifted your hand to your cheek, hissing in pain. He didn’t just slap you,

He used his fire.

You choked on your words, turning to look at your boyfriend with tear-filled eyes.

Shouto was looking at you with a look of sheer horror on his face.

“I’m sorry...” you whimpered. “I’m going-” you slipped out the door, ignoring Shouto’s shout for you to turn back and talk to him

That it was an accident.

That he didn’t mean it.

That didn’t matter.

Katsuki Bakugou/ Dynamight

Fuck Icy-Hot.

Fuck. Him.

He said he’d gotten stronger since the Summer Camp, but he hadn’t at all.

He was still loosing to Todoroki, and no matter how hard he was working, he still kept loosing to him.

His hand was buried in his hair, tugging harshly every so often as he listened to you ramble about something that happened during your work study.

Even you were getting ahead of him, his own partner was getting stronger than him. He’d promised he’d protect you, but that would be useless if you kept improving faster than him.

“Then afterwords, FatGum took me, Kirishima, and Amajiki to this resturaunt, and the owner turned out to be a huge fan of FatGum, she gave us free desert! Oh my gosh the cake was so good!” you exclaimed, laughing a little.

Bakugou grumbled under his breath a little, keeping his eyes away from your estatic face.

“Great.” you glanced back to your boyfriend from where you sat at your desk, eyebrows furroring. Usually, Katsuki would give you one of those proud smirks all like ‘that’s my partner,’ but today he seemed upset.

“You alright, Katsuki? Was your provisional licence class stressful today?” you asked sympathetically, moving your hand towards him to comfort him.

He yanked his hand away from you, shooting you a pissed off look.

“Fuck no.” he growled. “Even if it was, I can handle it. I don’t need your damn help.” you rested your hand on your lap.

“I know, Katsuki. My boyfriend’s so strong!” you smiled brightly at him. Usually complimenting him would make him feel better, but today it seemed to only piss him off more.

“Shut up.” he hunched over, curling into himself more. He pulled one leg up to his chest, holding it under his knee.

“Uh.. are you sure you’re okay?” you asked, cocking your head to the side gently.

“I’m fucking fine!” He snapped, keeping his eyes anywhere but on you. “I don’t need your pity!”

“Pity? Katsuki I’m not pitying you, I’m worried for you. You’re my boyfriend and I want you to be happy so-”

“Didn’t I say to shut up?” he stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Don’t give me your worry, fight me instead!”

“Why the hell would I fight you, Katsuki? I already know you’re stronger than me!”

“Fucking how? You got that new work study you’re constantntly talking about! How haven’t you gotten stronger than me?”

“Is that what this is about? I’ve only been at my work study for a few days, how in the world could I have leaped leagues in that amount of time to reach your level?”

“Then why even join that stupid work study if you’re not getting stronger?”

“I am getting stronger, just not fast enough to be at your level that quickly!” you explained. “Sorry?”

“Ugh just shut the fuck up!” he shouted, storming out of your dorm and down the hall to the common room. There were a only a few people in there,

Yao-Momo and Jirou in the kitchen, Kirishima and Kaminari on the couches, and Sero was leaning over the back of the couch. They all looked up when Bakugou stormed in with you on his tail.

“Katsuki, you’re confusing me! What’s going on? How can I help? Is it something I did?”

“Just leave me alone, okay? Go away!” he shouted over his shoulder. Kaminari, Kirishima, Sero, Jirou, and Yaoyorazu all snapped their heads towards you and Bakugou.

“Katsuki, please! You’re scaring me!” you glanced over at your friends, Jirou and Yao-Momo glancing between each other and muttering.

“Yo, Kachan, the hell’s going on between you and Y/n?” Kaminari asked, standing up. Sero hissed at him to sit down if he wanted to keep his head.

“I’m sorry, Kaminari, Bakugou’s upset and I don’t know why-”

“Don’t know why? Quit it with the lies! I hate liars!”

“I-I’m not lying! I really don’t know!” you reached forward, latching your hand onto his wrist. “Please just talk to me!”

“BULLSHIT!” he snapped his hand away from yours. “You’re a fucking liar!”

“Bakubro, calm down!” Kirishima stood up, briskly walking over to the two of you.

“STAY OUT OF THIS!” Bakugou slammed his palm against Kirishima’s face, setting off a small explosion.

“KIRISHIMA!” You ran to his side as the smoke cleared, finding his face hardened.

“I’m okay, I’m okay!” he assured you. He offered you a small smile, suddenly, he yelped and ducked, avoiding another hit from Bakugou.

“LET GO OF THEM!” he shouted, and his hand sparked twice before setting off again. This time right next to your face.

You hit the ground first, then felt stinging pain across your face and shoulder.

You didn’t even hear your own screaming because of the fact that he blew up your ears.

You didn’t register Kirishima picking you up, or Bakugou staring after you in fear, or the others in the room scolding Bakugou or worrying about you.

All you knew in that moment was pain.

Pure, white hot, agonizing pain.

#bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha angst #mha angst #angst train #dabi angst #dabi x reader #todoroki angst #todoroki x reader #bakugou angst #bakugou x reader #shigaraki angst #shigaraki x reader #poc reader #male reader #trans reader #gender neutral reader

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glitxhwayventeen · 3 years

Text

Lonely Together

Jihoon: Chapter 2 (Dark Side)

Characters: Jihoon x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, fluff, potential blood mentions, genocide, runaways, health issue mentions, weapon mentions, panic attack description? (Though honestly it’s more of an anxiety attack), death mentions, child abandonment mentions. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: I recommend listening to Dark Side by R5. I thought the actual lyrics to the song gave off a solid vibe that I wanted to transfer to the start of this particular chapter.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀 & ☁️

Lonely Together Master List

Chapter 2: Dark Side

When you woke up this morning, you had the sweet scent of Vanilla and honey hit your nose. It was warm and inviting and made you feel safe. You were glad, normally you’d never feel safe in the wild. The pack helped a lot with that issue. But when you woke up today, you noticed that you had woken up to a quiet house. Which was… strange to say the least. There was always some sort of ruckus going on downstairs in the early hours. So you figured you’d go investigate cautiously, in case something had happened. You grabbed your thigh garter belt with your knives attached before you quietly made your way down the stairs. You saw and heard no one. Nothing was wrong or out of place. Everyone was just… gone. But why?

“Boy, you come prepared don’t you?” A male voice said from the stairs, causing you to jolt back in surprise, automatically drawing your knife from its holster on sheer instinct, ready to release it at any given moment.

You relaxed and placed it back to your thigh as you realized it was just Jihoon, one of the less spoken wolves of the pack.

He was only a few inches taller than you, but you were still incredibly intimidated by him. You weren’t sure why all the others were terrified to piss him off, even the alphas, but you were never worried he’d get mad at you. Which was weird, you were always skeptical of everyone, it was just in your nature as a rogue wolf.

However, with him, it wasn’t horror that overtook your veins, it was nervousness. Like you had some sort of school girl crush on him and you were worried you’d mess something up in front of him and die from the embarrassment of it. But why? Why would you care what some rando wolf would think of you when you’d probably be leaving in a bit when your wounds were healed better?

“Jesus Jihoon! You know I could’ve killed you right? Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to fuck with a bitch with knives?” You huffed out in annoyance while slapping you hands over your face, praying that he hadn’t seen your cherry red cheeks yet.

Of course he had though. He never took his eyes off of you whenever you were in a room. You were just too zoned off to notice

“Uh no… Not really. Never had them so they didn’t teach me shit. Not that any of that matters. We both know you’d never hurt anyone if you could help it.” He shrugged, nudging past you to make his way to the fridge for a bite to eat with a small smile pasted on his glorious lips. God he annoyed you.

“You don’t know that. I always come prepared, I could be a serial killer for all any of you know” you cooly threw his way as you let your guard down slightly, for some reason trusting him enough to have a semi civilized conversation alone.

“Yeah yeah you’re a little vicious killer. Whatever you say kid” He laughed out, trying to keep his amusement in check at your quick replies.

You gritted your teeth, “Hey I am not a kid! I’m centuries old! MUCH older than you.” You smugly responded to his bitch ass nickname for you.

Jihoon looked you up and down for a second, making you a bit self conscious and spreading a heat down to your lower belly, “You don’t look older than me. Matter of fact, you look like the youngest one here. So I’m gonna keep calling you kid, kid.” He leaned in close to you and whispered seductively in your ear.

“Where- where is everyone?” You stuttered out, trying your best not to focus on the minimal contact Jihoon had made with your shoulder while brushing past you moments ago. Curse your dumb instincts. Why did you have to find him attractive? Couldn’t your wolf side ever just stay in check?

“The market? No, to Taeyong’s? Maybe it was to the river? I dont know by the time they left it didn’t seem like they even knew where they were going so I stopped listening.” He answered while taking a bit of an apple he had snagged from the fruit basket on the counter.

“W-why didn’t you go with them?” You questioned him as you tried your best to avoid his piercing gaze.

“Didn’t feel like third wheeling a bunch of mated coupled wolves.” He shrugged once more while sitting himself on the kitchen table you were next to, “Plus, someone needed to stay here and keep an eye on the house.”

“I would’ve been here.” You chimed in, as if he would’ve ever seriously left you alone.

Whether you were a Werewolf or not, he was NOT gonna leave you without some sort of safety net if he could help it. If he had it his way, you wouldn’t even go down to the market with the other mates when supplies were needed. He knew you could handle yourself as a fellow wolf, and he knew you were the best to go because you weren’t marked yet, but he was worried for you.

You definitely had people looking at you because of your different appearance. You were drop dead gorgeous to anyone with eyes, and that greatly concerned him every-time you went out shopping. He may have been more of a lone wolf, but he wanted to protect you at all cost, even if you didn’t realize that’s what he was doing yet.

“Doesn’t count. You’re a FANCY werewolf, remember?” He emphasized the word fancy in a condescending way that irked your nerves all the way to your core.

“We don’t know what you can do yet. Besides, you act like I’d actually want to go watch them make goo goo eyes at each other all day long. Seeing them cuddle and dry hump the whole time we’re doing something isn’t my idea of fun. I’d rather be here and enjoy the peace and quiet while I can.” He said as he tossed the remains of his apple in the garbage can in one swift motion.

“I can do everything you guys can and more!” You defended yourself, getting a bit frustrated at the younger wolf for doubting your abilities.

“Then prove it. Do something… super wolfy” he chuckled out, half jokingly and half seriously in what a normal person would recognize as a flirty manner.

He hadn’t had too many girlfriends. His experience with girls was limited compared to his brothers. So sticking to his sarcastic edgy tone was the only way he knew how to engage with you.

He was curious as to what your powers entailed anyways. They all were, none of them had met a wolf like you before. All the wolves they knew were modern, and the only seriously powerful wolf they knew was from a Chinese pack that had fled to their area who could communicate with heaven, hell, and the nether realms. They had heard stories that had been passed down for some generations about what wolves were like long ago, but none of it was confirmed because nearly all had been killed or died off. So they wanted to see if you could actually do all the things from the legends they heard about your people. For all they knew, you could fly.

You hesitated for a moment, trying your best to think of something, anything that you could do that would shut him up and prove your point. But everything you thought of required you to be much stronger than you currently were. None of the visible powers you had were working right now due to the small amount of silver still running through your system. Even if you were working at full strength and weren’t hurt, you had never been able to use your powers to their full extent do to something having been wrong with you since birth.

“… I- I cant.” You sighed in defeat while bringing your head down to look at your hands.

“Why not?” He wondered aloud, not even really meaning to tease you, he just let the innocent question slip from his lips without thinking.

“Because I got hurt and I have no way to get better! My entire pack is dead! Everyone I love is dead! I don’t have a mate! I need some sort of connection to the people around me to heal faster and I don’t have one anymore! I need one or the other to have my powers come back this quickly after such a traumatic incident and I have neither! I’m fucked up and I’ve been fucked up for a long time okay!” You snapped, your eyes now bleeding and turning emerald green from anger as you yelled at him.

Once you saw his confused and remorseful expression, you quickly closed your eyes and turned around to try and calm down. You didn’t mean to go after him like that, but you were already very worried about your own health not coming back and the taunting tone in his voice just made you break. You could feel the hurt in his heart. It made you want to cry, you didn’t mean to yell at him. You were just a very touchy person who had been asked about a very touchy subject.

“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset. I just- I’m concerned for myself and this conversation… well it made the concerns I already had skyrocket. But that’s not your fault. You would’ve had no way of knowing that. I apologize for getting mad at you over something so childish.” You earnestly said, trying your best to look him in the eyes without blushing from embarrassment.

He quickly moved his head down to look at his lap. He understood your pain. He could feel it everyday. You were his mate, he already did have a connection to you. He knew when you were sad or hurt or worried. He knew that you weren’t just in physical pain, but emotional pain as well. He wished he could take it all away from you so you never felt a negative feeling again. But he just couldn’t. Though, he was upset at himself for making it worse for you. Why did he always have to try and stir the pot? Couldn’t he just leave well enough alone? Couldn’t he just be cool around you and know when to stop?

“It’s okay. I… I understand what it’s like. To not have anyone I mean. I didn’t realize that you actually had to have those things in order to heal better though. With wolves now, we don’t necessarily have to have those things. I mean having them helps, but we get better eventually anyways as long as we get the wound cleaned properly. I didn’t know it was different for you...” He bit his lip as he continued, “But you know, our pack can be your pack, if you want anyway. There’s an opening for another ticking time bomb now that Chan’s found a mate. You’d be perfect for the job” he joked, though you could tell he was serious at the offer for you to join the pack.

“Yeah… how much does it pay an hour?” You played along, trying to lighten the mood from the tension you had made appear due to your little anger outburst.

You hurriedly propped yourself up on the table next to Jihoon, who gave you a small smile in return. It gave you goosebumps all over your skin. So you were thankful you had grabbed a large sweater the pack had given you before you went downstairs this morning.

You were given a bunch of them. They made you feel safe, and you loved the way they smelt. So when the other mates apologized and said they didn’t have many ‘girly clothing items’ to give you as getting clothing was sparse at the moment, you didn’t complain. You were perfectly content with your bigger clothing.

When you sat up on the table, you smelt the same scent of vanilla and honeysuckle that you nostrils had been absorbing from the clothing given to you…

“Not a lot.” Jihoon confessed, “we only offer housing, protection, and being around people who would do anything for you. But honestly, you could do a lot worse in terms of a career.” He bit his lip once more, the action drawing a small pur from your chest, which you tried to cover with a small cough. Of course he still caught the sound though. You weren’t even sure why looking at him made you that happy. The sound made Jihoon swoon, he loved that he already had such an impact on you.

“Of course there’s also some downside like with all jobs… like having to constantly break up fights, having a complete jackass for a mate, and well… you know… sharing bathrooms…” he trailed on, rubbing his neck while he attempted to make it seem like the middle part was casual.

“Wait! A complete WHAT for a WHO and WHERE was I???” You all but yell out in shock, making Jihoon wince.

He couldn’t tell if you were upset that he’d just burst it out like that. He honestly couldn’t even tell if you knew you were his mate or not. He didn’t know if you WANTED a mate or not. From what he knew of you, you usually stayed away from people unless you had to be around them. You told the others that staying alone is how you’d survived all these centuries. But Would you make an exception to your rules for survival to stay with him?

“Uh… yeah. A mate. That would- that would be me. I’m your mate…” He whispered, attempting as best as he could to regain control of his heartbeat that was now almost pounding out of his chest.

That’s when it all clicked in your head. Why they let you eat first with the mates, with the OTHER mates. You were one of them. It’s why they found you when you needed help, he must’ve felt you were in danger. It’s why you didn’t die that day even though your wounds would’ve been normally fatal even to you, because he was near you and never left your side. It’s why you weren’t scared of him like everyone else, you knew he’d never hurt you because he loved you. It’s why the pack always giggled anytime you and Jihoon would get near each other. It’s why the smell on your sweaters and his smell were so familiar, he gave them to you because you were his. You two were mates. It all made sense.

“We’re- we’re mates?” You reaffirmed out loud, but you started to feel dizzy. You weren’t sure what was happening.

Everything was going too fast, it felt like you were moving in slow motion but the entire world was spinning as fast as it could around you. The edges of your vision started becoming fuzzy and dark. You started to feel like you were going to pass out, but before you could fall flat on your face to the floor, Jihoon caught your fragile body in his arms.

“Yes. We are. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but I wanted to give you some time to adjust to being around normal people before I told you.” He assured you as he started moving towards the stairs, bringing you to his room and setting you down on his bed. He was incredibly worried for you, he could hear your heart rate slowing by the second.

“You might need to lay down. You don’t look well” he spoke softly as he held the back of one of his larger hands to your clammy forehead.

“Yeah… okay… rest… that makes sense… I’m sorry I- I just wasn’t expecting-” You tried to say as you start to give into the panicking darkness, not wanting to fight the urge to black out anymore.

“It’s okay. It’s a lot to take in. Just try and sleep okay?” He shushed you as he moved his blankets over your petite form, hesitant to touch you as he didn’t want to make matters worse. But his inner wolf was screaming at him to hold you and rock you to help you.

Everything you had heard about Jihoon told you he wasn’t someone who could have a relationship. All the others always talked about him wanting no one around him ever. They called him a grumpy old rogue wolf who miraculously got stuck in their pack. They said that He did things his own way. He did things alone. So did you.

“Jihoon, how the hell are we supposed to be together when we’re both lone wolves?” You whimpered out to him before everything went dark.

Another Author’s Note: alright so you guys know the drill. I wrote this close to midnight and I’m too tired to care about revising rn. So i shall look at it and fix any mistakes tomorrow when I get the time. Tomorrow I don’t think I’ll be praying more than once. Sorry, I’m working a doubt shift. But Wednesday I’m hoping to post three times! Here’s to hoping!

(Updated 9/6)

#seventeen #seventeen angst #seventeen au #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #svt au #seventeen x reader #jihoon #seventeen woozi #woozi fluff #svt woozi #woozi drabble #woozi angst #woozi x reader

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dallaswinstonsleatherjacket · 3 years

Text

Y’all want some prompts? Here’s the prompt store:

Some tws: not intense ones but: homophobia, injuries, drinking, smoking, drugs, swearing

Sad-

Johnny gets beat up, Dally finds him

The greasers lose a rumble

Dally tries to drink his gayness away

Soda dies, Steve is broken

Dally dies. What does Johnny do?

Dally misses his mom

Dally wishes he had a family

What happens after two go to war, and only one comes back?

After the book: describe everyone, what they do, how they act, how they’re broken

5 times Dallas Winston didn’t die, and the 1 time he did

Soda and Steve fight

They break up

They realize they can’t live without eachother

Happy-

Dally and Johnny-first kiss

Steve and Soda-sneaking around(bonus-someone catches them)

Steve and Soda-first kiss

Steve and Soda-kids

Steve getting frustrated at someone or something and Sodas just like *calm down, deep breaths*

Soda makes the gang do yoga

Someone threatens Johnny, Dally makes them pay.

Darry saves pony from some Socs. He expects a lecture, but doesn’t get it

The gang bands together

Cute:

Dallys sick, Johnny takes care of him

Soda takes care of Steve when he has like a hangover

Soda has a panic attack, Steve helps

Soda has a panic attack, Darry/Pony help

Dally DOES NOT like thunderstorms, guess what, one happens.

Dally questions his sexuality, Johnny comforts him. (They aren’t dating)

Johnny gets scared by something, dally comforts him

Johnny falls asleep in Dallys arms.

Dally saves Johnny from his parents

Steve finds Soda crying

Dally has a nightmare

Pony hasnt been giving Darry his lunch money change...they figure out he never eats lunch. The Socs are beating the money out of him

Artsy-

Dallys life story

Johnny before he met the gang

How Darry deals with stress

How Soda met sandy (and how they broke up)

How Steve and Soda fell for eachother

How Dally feels about Johnny

Steve Randle before he met the gang

Dally and Johnny having deep conversations under the stars

Johnny cant sleep, he wanders off. Dallys terrified, trying to find him

Johnny & Dally,

1. Being caught meeting up discreetly by either A. Soda B. Darry C. Steve.

2. Dally having a panic attack and Johnny comforting him. (or vise versa.)

3. Dally/Johnny having second thoughts but something gets rid of them.

4. Dally being just soft in general and getting teased.

5. Their first sleepover.

6. Them cleaning each other up after a rumble.

7. Johnny moving into Dally's room.

8. Dally trips and falls and Johnny laughs. - comedy gold right there folks

9. Johnny finding Dally when he was little on video, A. him trying to be *smexy* or B. him like just doing stupid shit as a child.

10. Them reading the outsiders.

11. Them DURING a rumble.

12. Them being caught by a soc *together* doing one of their secret meetup

13. Watching a scary movie together.

14. Johnny showing Dally a romance movie, Dally acts like he hates it, (he loves it).

15. Their first christmas together.

16. Their first argument. - sadness

17. They Breakup

18. They get back together.

Diologue

“I’ve heard about you. Dallas Winston, right?”

“I hate how it’s silent when you’re not around”

“Sleep here, please. Don’t stay out in the lot.”

“Did they touch you?”

“Cuddle?”

“Here, take my jacket.”

“Dont be afraid, Johnny. I’m right here.”

“Hey, you can talk to me, okay?”

“You’re not broken”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

“Stay calm, deep breaths, okay?”

“You’re safe now. I got you”

“Do you know what it’s like? Huh?”

“Why do you love someone like me?”

“Please just hold me”

“Dont hurt him! Please, don’t hurt him”

I’m just trying to help.” “Well, I hate to break it to you, but you just made it worse.”

“Don’t I make you happy?”

“You’re going to get someone hurt.”

“I never thought you’d be the one to break my heart.”

“Don’t underestimate me.”

“You’re a complete mess, but I don’t care.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did I just see you smile?”

“You’re dumber than I thought if you think I’m letting you do this alone.”

“If I could go back in time, I’d still choose you.”

“So… I might’ve been a little drunk.” “Only a little?”

“I honestly have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I can’t believe we’re dating.”

“Please don’t tell me you filmed that.” “Of course I filmed it.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I meant what I said, every word of it.”

“I can’t stay mad at you, and that pisses me off.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“I knew you’d overreact.”

“I specifically told you not to leave.”

“You’re not as heartless as you pretend to be.”

“Stop hogging the blankets!”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“I know it’s the middle of the night, but can you come over, please?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“How did you find me?”

“That was a really shitty apology.”

“Not to be dramatic, but I think we’re all going to die.”

“I should’ve fought for us.”

“I love you, okay? I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it.”

“Everyone wanted to give up on me, except you.”

“We have to leave the country.”

“Are you seriously still angry at me?” “You ate the last donut!”

“Come to bed.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Just forget everything I said.”

“Seeing you smile makes my day.”

“You mean the world to me.”

“Oh no, you are not dragging me into this.”

“I know you’re trying to push me away, but I won’t let you.”

“The only person I need right now is you.”

“You look really good, by the way.”

“You realise this sounds totally crazy, right?”

“What’s my problem? You’re my fucking problem!”

“You make me a better person.”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“Okay, but consider this: I don’t care.”

“Oh, thank God you’re awake.”

“That’s an order.”

“Promise me you’ll come back.”

“You had another nightmare, didn’t you?”

“We have to look out for each other.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed!”

“Just stay away from me, okay?”

“No one can know about this.”

“The only place I feel safe in is your arms.”

“We’re done.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“At this point, you’re the only thing keeping me sane.”

“I love it when you laugh.”

“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it together.”

“We’ll make it work.”

“Do you ever think about running away?”

“I can’t lose you.”

“You deserve someone better than me.”

“Come here, I want to show you something.”

“You’ve got to be more careful.”

“You’re actually pretty cute.”

“I’m so tired of feeling like this.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Why does everything always turn to shit?”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m a monster.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Can I freak out now?”

“What did you expect? For everything to just go back to normal?”

“I just needed to hear your voice.”

“What I’m about to do is totally crazy, but just roll with it.”

“I know you don’t care, you don’t have to pretend.”

“You owe me.”

“Of course I was worried about you.”

“How much time do we have left?”

“You look different.”

“How could you even think that?”

“Let me out of here!”

“That’s a good picture of you.”

“Give ‘em hell.”

“Get out of my way.”

“You want to know what I really think?”

“It’s about time.”

“You can’t keep ignoring this.”

“I hope you burn in hell.”

“I could think of worse ways to die.”

“Too late.”

“Can we start over again?”

“How do you always manage to look so perfect?”

“I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Run.”

“You love me?” “Of course I do, you dork.”

Darry Prompts :

1. Kids

2. Bills

3. Struggling with Sexuality

4. Panic Attack

5. Him during a rumble

6. Him and his brothers

7. Him on christmas

8. if he found out __ was pregnant/ gotten -- pregnant

9. getting jumped by socs

10. finding out ponyboy and johnny had ran away

11. headcannons

12. rando love story

13. coming out

14. missing his parents

15. his reaction to losing his parents

#I think I have more #idk where all of these are from either #starspams #/pos #credits to owners obvi #my friends and I made some up too

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queenlua · 3 years

Note

Last week you mentioned GPG has really serious problems. Could you tell me more about them? I can't find much of anything online.

first, thanks for your patience with this appallingly late reply! september hit me like a truck :P

second: huh, wow, okay, a cursory google search really failed to turn up much stuff, huh. depressing!

i'm-a talk about the summer 2019 keyserver attack, not because that's the only issue / security vuln / fuck-up the project has ever had, but because it's (1) a hilariously bad fuck-up, and (2) generally reflective of how the project deals with security concerns, and thus demonstrates that the project is fundamentally pretty unserious

so.

this gist, by one of GnuPG's maintainers, does an okay job of summarizing the problem. a brief summary:

* one of the putative purposes of OpenPGP is to provide a "web of trust" via keyservers. i know Jane Doe, i meet her in person, i verify she is who she says she is, and i sign her key; that signature gets reflected in some keyserver, which acts like a big phone book. now, in the future, if you can't personally go verify Jane Doe's trustworthiness, but you do trust me, you can trust communications from Jane Doe, and you looked all this info up in the keyserver

* "what if a malicious actor tried to overload the keyserver?!?!" e.g. what if i spam ~150k signatures on some dude's key just to fuck with the network

* the answer, in the case of GnuPG, is, "this software is shitty and bad and can't deal with that volume so it just grinds to a fucking halt"

* ...and also most the keyservers try to copy their data from each other so you can have a ~web of trust~ throughout the network, which means, these malicious keys quickly perpetuate through the entire nnetwork

* which means anyone who receives the Forbidden Key Data TM, in practical terms, has broken their fucking GnuPG install, and that whole ~web of trust~ thing we built up is now unusable

technically speaking, this is not a security lapse per se! no cryptography has been broken; no secret data has been leaked. it is, however, a fairly straightforward denial of service attack, and is probably kind of disappointing if you wanted your security software to, you know, do software things

and look, anyone can be bitten by a nasty bug. you'll never see me being like "WOW WHAT DUMBFUCKS, HOW COULD ANYONE WRITE SUCH A STUPID BUG," because, y'know, there but for the grace of god i go, and all that. if anyone tells you they're smart enough to never write a bug, they're a fucking liar. (my full-time job for a while was literally proving those people liars, and i never fucking failed, not because i am brilliant, but because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of god. [sorry for all the god stuff; my long-abandoned southern baptist heritage comes through when i'm talking security for some reason])

however! the manner in which you respond to such a vulnerability matters:

* let's say i had discovered this bug in GnuPG. the industry standard, if i'm kind and polite, is: i disclose the bug privately to the maintainers, and they have a 90-day window during which to fix it. if they still haven't fixed the problem at the end of the 90 days, that's fine, that's their prerogative, but *i* also get to announce to the world "hey there's this bad bug, here's how i found it, and here's how to exploit it."

this is done to keep The World In General TM safer. see, i'm just some rando. if *i'm* able to find a bug in your shitty software, then it's guaranteed the NSA or Unit 8200 or some-other-super-secret-government-agency absolutely has the resources and wherewithal to find the same bug. and also, some slimy just-in-it-for-the-money hacker gang probably also has the resources to find it. by telling the company "hey, i will go public with this in 90 days," i'm lighting a fire under their ass to actually fix the problem, rather than just letting them pretend security by obscurity will save them, and if they don't fix it by then, then at least users have a prayer of finding out, hey, these dudes do not take security problems seriously, and making informed choices based on that.

there is some wiggle room in this. for instance, the fuck are cloud vendors supposed to do about something like Spectre/Meltdown? there were some shitty, not-100%-effective mitigations that could be done in software, but fundamentally the only real fix was getting new hardware, and tragically, we cannot redesign, manufacture, and ship brand new CPUs to everybody who might be affected within a 90-day timeframe. ergo, Google Project Zero pushed their disclosure deadline way out on that. but, crucially: they still went public at some point, and Intel did not cry "wah" or "no fair" or anything like that. they worked with researchers as best as they could, and once the cat was out of the bag, they offered public resources to help developers understand how their software might be affected. that's the rules of the game.

compare this to, uh, GnuPG's outrageously shitty response (from the previously-linked gist), which can basically be summarized as:

* "wah ocaml is complicated and we don't know how to maintain our own fucking software wah"

* "ten years [?!?!?!] wasn't enough time for us to fix the problem wah"

* "whoever did this attack is a hater :((((("

which. what. what the actual fuck. those are not actual reasons to not fix your sofwtare.

also, the way in which you present your software matters:

* i've thrown up shitty hobby projects on github before. if someone came to me all earnest with a CVE against them, i'd laugh, append the README to say "yo i threw this together on a weekend while i was buzzed, you should absolutely not be relying on this for anything that matters, xoxo lua." that is 100% fine! advertising THIS SOFTWARE IS NOT NECESSARILY SECURE and thus electing not to give a shit about security problems is fine.

* i've been a part of things that are... somewhere between a hobby project and Real Software TM. e.g., research prototypes that you're hoping will be widely used so you can get a better sense of desired use cases and unexpected constraints, but which you hope will be used primarily by "power users" or others who are interested in that project's specific goals.

such a project may not be able to offer the same kinds of security guarantees as Fancy Corporate Software, and that's fine, so long as they're open and honest about stuff like: what the goals of the project are, what we're sure of and what we're less sure of, how we're vetting our stuff, what our policies are when someone does report a security issue, stuff like that. there's plenty of stuff maintained on a volunteer basis that i'd generally trust because, i expect they'll notify me if there is a serious security concern to be worried about, or they have a long track record of excellence in a narrowly-tailored space, etc. that's all good.

* what you cannot, cannot, cannot do, is: claim to offer some kind of robust security solution to people in actually-precarious situations, and then not actually act like a steward of those person's interests. if you're, oh, telling Venezeulan dissidents "our [shitty hobby] software [with gaping, well-known vulnerabilities that haven't been exploited yet ONLY because no major nation-state entity has felt threatened by our code yet, but if they were so threatened, they could trivially wreck the entire project using a well-documented years-old vulnerability we can't be assed to fix because ocaml is hard i guess] is safe and reliable to use!"

...if you're telling political dissidents that? and then you get over-the-top pissed off at someone pointing out the fucking problem you refuse to fix? and somehow make it all about mememe? then fuck you, sincerely. the threat those dissidents face is not someone breaking the fucking key network. the threat is you, you personally, because you are fucking lying to them about what your software is able to do.

GOD. sorry, just. i reread that link and got so pissed again. fuck that attitude entirely. if you let people down, fucking just sit with that for a bit, okay? sit and think and do better next time. christ.

anyway.

this is a particularly gratuitous example of GnuPG maintainers being little shits, but in general they've been lackadaisical and dismissive some other times in the past when people have brought them real security problems, and then act all pissy if, y'know, people go public with said security problems. i haven't kept up with their work lately (i think maybe the community got kind of annihilated by this keyserver thing?) & i have other bones to pick with any project of that type (it's kind of taking the wrong tack entirely imho), but like, yeah, in general if a software community's response to security bugs is "oh gosh that's hard maybe we'll get to it someday," you should not be trusting that software lol

#filthy hacker shit #LONG post #honestly it took me like three times to keep this from spiraling into a fucking novel so #here's the shortest version i could manage.#hit me up for pissy computer security rants: if you really want to know #also this tone is like... probably more pissy than necessary sorry #there is some more nuance that could be had here but i just get kinda miffed when people claim to do A Security and then do the opposite

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okay-victoria · 3 years

Text

What do people think of Tanya? AKA: Actually, a lot of people agree with Lehrgen

Summary: WHOOOOO BOY. You know it’s going to be fun when my subsections have to have their own subsections. Briefly, there is the Good [people who like Tanya both personally and professionally], the Bad [people who like/love Tanya professionally but not personally], and the Ugly [people who ideally, Tanya will never speak to, look at, send mail to, or be in the general vicinity of ever again].

I would say most people fall into the “Bad” category - they recognize her value as an officer, sometimes to a worshipful degree, but on a personal level range anywhere from thinking she’s a creepy child to actively disliking her. Unfortunately for Tanya, the people that fall into the Ugly category are as a rule higher-ranking than the ones in the Good category, and most people in the Bad category seem to like her specifically in her military role, and it is questionable they’d want her as even a coworker outside of that, let alone as a friend.

The Good

People who’re in here: People who have only ever heard of Tanya in the context of the Silver Wings award, people she interacts with in the Imperial Navy; rando soldiers; someone kinda high up in the later-war Eastern Army command; Ugar

People who only know her from Silver Wings:

V1/C1

Describes the nice aura people would see in someone who wins the Silver Wings.

The Navy

V3/C2

A naval officer does assess Tanya as having a predatory look, but doesn’t seem to think particularly badly of it, he just notes it, and then says “Degurechaff was a fellow soldier he could be proud of, which was why he extended his hand in utmost seriousness to wish her well.”

Rando Soldiers

There’s no real good single quote on this, but over time Tanya comes in to reinforce various units and leaves behind various impressions, ranging through Good, Bad, and Ugly, but anyway, there almost have to be low & middle ranking officers and soldiers who are presumably nothing but grateful to Tanya for rescuing them, even though we never get much of anything from their perspective.

Others

A superior officer of Tanya’s in Eastern Army command, in V5/C1, gets a transfer request for Tanya’s unit and reflects he is sad to be losing her.

Ugar - I don’t have down any specific pieces, but IMO it comes across in the LNs that Ugar is generally well-disposed to Tanya and doesn’t have the positive professional/negative personal thoughts that most other people close to her do.

The Bad

People who’re in here: Tanya’s academy/war college instructors, the 203rd battalion & later Kampfgruppe, Zettour, Rudersdorf, Generic Superior Officers, Romel, Lehrgen’s professional opinion

Tanya’s Academy & War College Instructors:

V1/C1

Tanya’s zeal during academy scares her instructors.

V1/C4

The instructors scrawled “abnormal” across the top of Tanya’s file.

“In the academy, we were told over and over – and, for some reason, over again – to love our troops. Weirdly, now that I think about it, I feel like they emphasized this the most when talking to me.” <= Tanya...you’re...you’re so close.

V1/C5

Mentioned that some teachers in the academy are on Lehrgen’s side of the What The Fuck Do We Do With Tanya debate.

V3/C5

Romel’s summation of her personnel assessment notes that at least on paper, the academy and the war college gave good overall evaluations of her.

203rd Battalion:

V1/C3

[Visha] “The moment she turned her icy cold eyes on us like we were objects to be appraised, I shrank from her in spite of myself. People might laugh at me for being afraid of such a little kid, but those eyes reminded me of the way a cat looks when it’s playing with a mouse, which creeped me out”

[Visha] “I was different from Lieutenant Degurechaff, who could calmly nail fleeing soldiers in the back with optical sniping or explosion formulas. I was relieved because I wouldn’t have to shoot.”

V1/C5

[Visha] “Was she an agent of the devil or of God? It had to be one or the other. Ahh, I can’t believe I have an ally more horrible than the enemy. She’s not human. I would bet my life on it. Me and a few others saw it once. During training, one of our teammates dropped like he was dead. The captain gave him a good kick, and before we knew it, she was back on his feet. I had been staring into the abyss of death myself…the captain heaped abuse on me. But I know, I saw it: she charged into the avalanche to save me. Even after my friends told me that she tossed my busted body aside like a used rag, I believe. She is definitely a good commander, even if I’m not sure about her as a human being. Of course, we all laugh and bad-mouth her…if the captain is an apostle of God, then only the devil can possibly exist.” <= in good news, Tanya, you are currently winning on your quest against Being X and mostly making people believe that he’s the Devil for allowing you to exist!

V2/C1

[Weiss] also refers to Tanya as a vampire

[Weiss] thinks Tanya is arrogant

[Visha] “her thought is That’s so low, Major.” <= this is in response to Tanya pulling out her child voice to announce they were going to bomb Dacia’s factory.

[Weiss] “Weiss has only known her for a short time, but even he can pick up the displeasure his superior doesn’t bother hiding. Her mood is as dangerous as nitroglycerin. When Weiss quietly takes a step back, everyone discreetly follows suit. Nobody wants to be so close to Major von Degurechaff when she’s irritated.”

V2/C5

[Grantz] “If the devil exists, it has to be our instructor, the commander of the 203rd Aerial Mage Assault Battalion, the legendary Major von Degurechaff. The way she smiled. The way she looked at us like we were maggots. The way she seemed thirsty for blood. I’d believe she had tried to kill a rebellious underclassman or crack his skull open. If I screw up on the battlefield, she’ll definitely kill me. That’s how threatened I felt by the instructor who just had to also be my advisor…I wanna cry.”

[Grantz] “This was the major who had once said during a speech at the academy that deadweight should be killed…This is crazy. No one said it aloud, but it was the look on everyone’s faces. This was a nighttime mission to abduct enemy soldiers…Magic Second Lieutenant Warren Grantz realized he was shaking. My survival instinct was screaming. I wanted to avoid the war, the combat, the killing. I was hesitating. But one glance from Major von Degurechaff was enough to subjugate that instinct. She was far more terrifying…I was so terrified I hardly felt like myself anymore…How could the major just calmly sing a hymn?”

[203rd banter] Visha asks if anyone wants to trade places with her so she doesn’t have to be with Tanya all the time, and Weiss and Grantz are not itching to take her up on the offer.

V2/C6

[Grantz] Is really, really bothered by how chill Tanya seems to be about Arene.

V2/C7

[Weiss] Reflects on all the horrible things Tanya has put him through, but ends his reflection on the note that he understands why it was necessary to prepare them for war.

V3/C5

“Apparently, the troops serving directly under her thought she was a great field officer” <= Romel re: Tanya’s personnel file

V4/C5

“‘Please have the 203rd be part of your Kampfgruppe. All of us in the battalion wish to continue serving under you.’”

Tanya doesn’t get what she wants, is then pissed, and it gives off weird abusive-parent vibes where all her children try to flee and not be present, and for the ones who have to be (Weiss & Visha), they take it by flinching, cowering, praying to God for Tanya not to explode, etc.

V5/C4

[Visha] “Reality is far too unreal. She’s crazy. There’s something strange about her...The colonel cackled – no, she giggled, smiling like a child. It was positively surreal to see her eyeing the enemy with her tender gaze and licking her lips. She snickered, but what was so funny? She was terrifying...Dripping red liquid. Pink things that used to be humans, flying everywhere. And opposite that scene was a beaming little girl. It was so surreal, it made more sense for me to suppose I had gone insane. No, maybe I really did go insane. The sight of my superior officer nodding with satisfaction and beginning a confession of her faith was horrific. I didn’t get even a glimmer of madness from her beautiful, innocent eyes. They were the eyes of a stubborn servant of logic, full of pure reason. But that’s what was horrific: those eyes stuck on that doll-like face.”

V5/C5

Tanya has some good banter with her Kampfgruppe soldiers and it seems like everyone’s getting along.

V8/C4

T: ‘Are you saying you throw yourself into the slaughter purely, justly – sane and sober? Don’t make me laugh. That’s a broken man talking. Going to war after downing some liquid courage with a grimace is much more human.’ He frowns for a moment, perhaps thinking to argue back, and then whines, ‘So are you drunk, then, Colonel?’ <= yes, a random officer from Tanya’s Kampfgruppe just asked if she was drunk and that’s why she’s always throwing herself into battle so excitedly.

V8/C5

T: ‘Glad you’re safe, Lieutenant.’ V: ‘Thank you, ma’am. That said, I would have rather you spared me from getting caught up in that attack.’ T: ‘What choice did I have?’ V: ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Serebryakov puffs her cheeks out in a pout, which is surely a sign that she’s feeling better. <= Tanya, Visha wanted you to apologize, not excuse yourself, damn!

Zettour

V1/C5

“He doesn’t know whether they should praise her original ideas or call her insane.”

“Apparently, she hasn’t forgotten that she once said she wanted a battalion. She, a first lieutenant, to a brigadier general…something liable to provoke antipathy? She’s already done that.”

“The smirk on Tanya’s face reminds Zettour of some unpleasant rumors he’s heard about her.”

V2/C5

Zettour both remains horrified that Tanya was able to speak so frankly about a world war, yet he is sympathetic to the fact that she could do it because she understood what would happen.

V4/C3

Tells Rudersdorf that he “unwaveringly trusts” her military decisions.

V4/C5

Tanya comes to Zettour to request better units than he’s given her. He finds the request beyond arrogant, seeing as how pressed they are for men, especially for the fact that this is shortly after the Moscow situation and her battalion has “gone too far and been a handful”.

“Somehow, he didn’t think there could be that many damaged kids in the Empire like this young teen back from the battlefield. And actually, regardless of how he felt about it as a soldier, personally, the idea of interacting with them was terrifying.”

“But Degurechaff was unfazed and inquired about their experience with killing people. She saw people as products, and she was asking if they had been tested – that was the nuance. Could such a completely utilitarian view of people even be taught? Certainly, the army is an organization that pays attention to individual functions. Substitutability and cost consciousness are two factors hounding everyone. But can you really judge a human being by those criteria alone?...That innocent face and her straight back made her look something like a surreal doll. Doesn’t…Doesn’t anyone think this is strange?”

Zettour is mentioned to have originally had the same doubts about Tanya as Lehrgen, but after her performance he claims he is ready to “swallow any pill, no matter how bitter” (I think working with Tanya being the bitter pill) to win the war.

Zettour gives Tanya a little discretion to commandeer some equipment, she takes a lot of discretion. Zettour sort of laughs at off saying “this was Degurechaff” but does also mention that Tanya’s actions “amounted to a borderline interference in Supreme Command.”

V8/C4

Zettour is impressed with how Tanya has trained Grantz and thinks that if she wasn’t so good in the field, he’d put her in education.

“Sure, Degurechaff may have been broken, but not as an officer.”

Rudersdorf

V2/C1

Rudersdorf says that Tanya has a “distinct” [read: probably means difficult] personality, but if he just divided people into useful and not useful, she was useful.

V4/C3

Zettour and Rudersdorf debate Tanya, and he mentions that he only thinks she is talented in the military realm.

Generic Superior Officers

V2/C5

Tanya has a misunderstanding with her CO on the Rhine front. He wants her to train some new recruits normally, she mistakes it as saying “well, kill as few of them as possible, but do what you gotta do,” she gets kind of reprimanded over it.

V3/Intro

“Performance Evaluation: Major Tanya von Degurechaff:

Counselor’s Notes on character and conduct [this is printed normally]: Abundant loyalty and excellent fighting spirit. Follow regulations to the letter. Devoutly religious.

[this part is handwritten] Has a bad tendency to take matters into her own hands. Competent but as difficult to handle as a mad dog.”

V3/C1

“Some of the officers even added another thought in the back of their minds: Major von Degurechaff might actually be able to wring out even better results.”

V3/C3

Tanya goes wild on her base commander when he won’t let her sortie to Brest to prevent the French army from evacuating. <= Oddly, IIRC, no one ever like, apologizes to Tanya for not believing her, which is kinda rude, so mostly the incident reflects negatively on her instead of being a balanced: ok she did violate some rules, but...maybe if we’d listened to her we’d have avoided the rest of the fucking war, so seems like it might have been called for?

V3/C5

“The most important evaluations during a war are the ones from the battlefield, and those were all over the place.” <= Romel, re: Tanya’s personnel file

“The second was that although the evaluations were contradictory, she had achieved enough that she was considered an outstanding soldier. Awkwardly, regardless of how she was as an officer, as an individual mage, she was thought very highly of. Her number of kills was among the highest on the Rhine front.”

“In any case, strictly as a mage, she was unrivaled. As an officer, too, she was by no means incompetent. So they must have been giving her to him as reinforcements and as an excuse to get her out of their hair. Honestly, he felt like they were foisting off their problem on him. ‘They’re telling me to take a mad dog out on a walk with no leash?’ He let slip a complaint. Maybe it was just prejudice, but that wasn’t what it felt like to General von Romel. After all, he was basically being asked to bet on a bad hand.”

V4/C2

Everyone on the General Staff realizes the huge amount of fallout from Tanya attacking Moscow. The backstory of this is that when Tanya asked for permission, the General Staff thought she was just going to do a fly-by and freak them out, not attack the city. It pretty much kills any opportunity they had to negotiate a quick settlement with Russia in the cradle.

Romel

V3/C5

Romel’s first meeting with Tanya pretty much goes: “so arrogant it’s invigorating...unbelievably insolent...in addition to her self-important attitude, it exuded heavy sarcasm...not only was she arrogant, she was clearly horribly warped.”

“Any commissioned officer would understand just from hearing her make that one comment why the Northern and Western Groups couldn’t control her. Having a mage battalion drop out of the command structure was almost like losing a whole division” <= ie, Tanya’s previous superiors must have really disliked her to give her up.

“She simply decided she would be a patriot if it was good for the nation. In short, she’s a capable lunatic, but the bad part is she doesn’t realize she’s twisted…She’s crazy. And competent. And more sincere than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“Without a doubt, she’s going to end up being the most horrible person I know. And she’ll probably also be one of my most reliable friends on the battlefield.”

V3/C6

Romel reflects that she is a mad dog, and that she is an ego-crushing entity for the average officer. <= while Romel never brings this up, this has a *ton* of important real-world implications for Tanya, especially assuming men still have more than a little trouble listening to women outside the military. Even if you believe the best rumors about Tanya, you still might not want to hire her because she’s going to be better than you, and most people hate that feeling.

V4/C1

Tanya goes to the Eastern Front, and Romel reflects that he is sad to lose her and that once you got used to her, he found her easy to work with.

The Ugly

People who’re in here: Lehrgen’s personal opinion, Some wartime randos, OG Eastern Army Command, OG Northern Army Command, Imperial Government, people who mostly know Tanya from her Arene reputation, Western Army Command; Implied Future View of Tanya

Wartime Randos

V1/C5

“Some of those who had been on the front lines had a strange reaction to the name [the 11th Goddess] we picked. They claimed it was the worst joke they’d ever heard.” <= ie, Tanya was the Devil, not a goddess

V2/C1

Tanya is happy that Dacia has zero airpower. She displays her happiness by smiling maniacally and skipping around her tent. Everyone thinks Tanya is happy that they just got invaded again and the war is growing and she can go kill people.

V2/C5

A kinda random infantry guy is still having nightmares about Tanya in like, 1960, and reflects back on how he felt when he heard Tanya casually call for friendly fire to go right through where her men are flying. He questions why anyone listens to her.

“But when I replay the memories in my mind, I can’t help but shout, You monster! A hero, a star, and outstanding magic officer. You, ma’am, were a great officer. To all of us imperial soldiers serving on the Rhine lines, you were a god...Yeah, she’s a god – an immensely powerful one who presides over life and death. Her words, brimming with a spine-chilling anger, swept over the area as if she was planning to attract all the enemy hostility like moths to a flame. Major von Degurechaff had bared her fangs. It invited a violent reaction. The Republic wanted to hunt the devil. In other words, they devoted all humanity’s wisdom to killing the god of death. Gods don’t die, but those of us next to them? …They were right to call her a god of death. She killed the enemy, and the enemy killed our men. Then the noble major, with a glance at all the dead in the mud, took her leave. Fucking hell.” <= and you thought Lehrgen hated her. But, again, real-world implications of this could very well be that post-war, Tanya is a total persona-non-grata as someone that had a high degree of influence on how rabidly everyone fought against the Empire, and how the Empire was treated in the aftermath. I don’t make it out quite that bad, but it could be really rough if someone wanted to make it that way.

V4/C5

“The Guard Division had been on many assignments dealing with formal events, so we had experience…But what is that? That absurd, expressionless, doll-like creature was giving orders to people who appeared to be bloodthirsty mages just back from the war zone.”

“Could it really…could it really be possible for a child to wear such a smile?...Her hands were soft and would have looked more natural holding a doll, but instead, this odd, human-shaped creature spread her arms as she delivered a welcoming address. No one. None of the high-ranking officers present could raise an objection to this thing. The veteran mages all obeyed this inhuman being in the form of a person.”

OG Eastern Army Command

V1/C5

“The members of the eastern army had been openly angered by her annoyed look until days before, but now their faces were pale. She said exactly what she thought: ‘Incompetent, pitiful, lazy, arrogant, unprepared, mentally disabled, inattentive, no powers of observation’ and her conclusion was that ‘all mages of the Eastern Army group require reeducation’”

“The ranking officers from the regional field armies who had come to protest ended up bearing the brunt of the General Staff members’ critical glares.”

OG Northern Army Command

V2/C3

“With no idea when Colonel General von Wragell might explode in his seat at the head of the table, Lieutenant General and Chief of Staff von Schreise was inwardly annoyed, but at the same time, the atmosphere was so tense he wanted to bury his head in his hands.”

“Schreise couldn’t be the only one thinking that he would have thrown her out immediately if she weren’t a representative of the Central Army’s view.”

“‘You’re very humble, aren’t you?’ one of the staff officers murmured, curling the corners of his mouth into a smile that was more of a sneer.”

“Schreise had never seen a major with such a big head without making light of him…without hesitating even a little, she – a mere battalion commander – matter-of-factly gave her opinion to the staff and even had the audacity to disagree with them. Even with the sacred, inviolable General Staff’s power behind her, she was nearing an inexcusable challenge to authority. A head could be allowed to swell only so far. There’s a limit to what can be tolerated, even for recipients of the Silver Wings Assault Badge!...the major, though still rather new, was readily crossing a line of which all graduates from the war college should have been aware.”

V3/C5

“There was a pile of especially severe criticism from the Northern Army Group. They said she was transferred after voicing a clear objection to those in authority.”

Imperial Government

V2/C5

Tanya sinks a Commonwealth vessel, she is court-martialed, the military says she did nothing wrong [which I agree with], but the diplomats want to punish her to appease the Commonwealth. After the not-guilty verdict, Tanya’s smug-ass smile makes everyone go: umm...should we really have let her get away with this??

V4/C2

She then further makes the diplomats hate her over her Moscow raid.

V4/C3

Rudersdorf warns Zettour that Tanya going overboard is earning Zettour criticism from the government.

V4/C4

During her second court-martial, Tanya doing the most in Moscow manages to fracture the relationship between the government/supreme army command & the guys more in charge of the day-to-day war, like Zettour & Rudersdorf.

International Post-Hoc View on Arene

V2/C6

“They gunned people down like they were so many targets in a firing exercise. They got ‘points’ for shooting people. People had blocked themselves in, so they used heavy-explosion formulas to bombard whole districts. Those are all painful memories of the tragedy being shared today. Even counting only the confirmed deaths, the city of Arene lost half its population that day. In order to avoid the heavy responsibility for each soldier that would result if they went into the city and had to visually confirm their targets, they aimed to cause widespread fires via artillery bombardment from positions surrounding the city. A portion of the documents shows that they had chosen targets that were likely to spread the flames as proof-of-concept for firestorm.” <= the reporter doesn’t know this, but Tanya is the person that comes up with that proof-of-concept for creating a firestorm, as well as the person that creates the case to make it legal to repress a civilian revolt with a military. To me it seems like Arene is presented as the Tanyaverse Bombing of Dresden, except how it would be viewed if Germany had won WWII.

Tanya thinks about how if the Empire loses, her reputation is in the toilet if it becomes known that she did this.

Western Army Command

V2/C6

[The Lt. General or above that is in command of the Western Front] “A terrifying report or a proposal from hell. The one who thought of this was either a lawyer so cunning the devil would invite them to join forces or a criminal. This way of thinking is practically inhuman. Only a devil who forgot their reason and conscience in their mother’s womb could come up with such a tactic. That someone would equate having the technical capabilities for an operation with actually doing it…Are they deranged?”

“Luckily, an army corps commander summoning a mere major is extremely rare. Exceptional though it was, it meant there was a chance he might have to summon this monster again someday…Doing his best not to look directly at the monster straightening her posture in front of him, the army corps commander accepted that it was for work and met her.”

“The principles behind the actions of this major in front of him were impossible to understand using anyone’s logic or emotions. Her inorganic eyes compelled you to conclude that her thoughts, her frameworks, her way of being were all warped.”

This guy keeps going on and on more than I have here, tbh he’s one of Tanya’s main haters. It’s fine Tanya, it’s only the guy in charge of Western Army Command, who listens to him?

“I hope no one noticed that I just flinched, thought the army corps commander, sensing that he was distinctly afraid of her…No worries about what? He deeply wanted to ask what she was planning to do, but he held back. He told himself it was surely better not to know…But there is probably no one more suited to being a soldier than you. Perhaps you feel at home in hell on the Rhine front.”

V3/C5

“The Western Army Group declined to evaluate her, saying her good and bad points neutralized each other, so it was difficult to rate her. Furthermore, she had attempted to resist orders.”

Implied Future View of Tanya/The Parable of the Salamander

V4/C5

“From what I heard, the Salamander is adorable and very clever. If you show it affection, it’ll get attached to you. Like a German shepherd, it can become a trustworthy member of the family. Sometimes it begs or plays tricks, but apparently, everyone ends up overlooking these things. Of course, Mrs. Legen grew angry and screamed that it went too far, but…Well, in the end, everyone doted on the Salamander. Because when it’s even more reliable than a German shepherd, how could you not? At some point, though, the Salamander’s requests and pranks grew to be too much. But what do you think happened when no one was sympathetic to dependable Mrs. Legen, who had continued to angrily scold it the whole time? That’s right. No one was able to stop the Salamander! Of course, the Salamander loved and cherished everyone. But sadly, there was no one to teach it right from wrong. So the Salamander never realized that everyone disliked it. Soon it had exhausted everyone’s patience.” <= for reference, Tanya commands the Salamander Kampfgruppe; this is told as a cautionary tale that Andrew says circulates throughout the future Empire.

Your Author’s Take on Tanya’s Reputation vs Reality

The above should have real-world implications for Tanya’s personal life as far as friends, and for her career both within and beyond the military once the war is over, because, you know, people talk. Anyone who phones up an old pal because said old pal had some quality time with Tanya and they’re curious what she’s like is probably not going to receive a glowing personal recommendation, and the higher up those people are in society, the worse it is likely to be.

Even for people who think she has a genius applicable beyond the military sphere, outside of extreme circumstances people generally don’t want to employ anyone, no matter how smart, who is known for being unpredictable, uncontrollable, arrogant in the extreme, abusive towards coworkers, manipulative, possibly just straight up evil, etc etc. Within the military, after the war I would expect her to be hampered by the fact that a lot of people won’t want to work with her unless there’s a really pressing reason they need her skillset.

I can’t believe I’m bringing this show up from years past, but she’s sort of in the same position as Dr. House from the TV show - famously talented; famously toxic in the workplace; only one place will employ him, and at a much lower salary than his reputation should command, and even so, thinking that he could get away with that in real life is pushing the suspension of disbelief for the show. The same goes with friendships - very few well-adjusted adults are willing to befriend The Cool Asshole in real life.

When it does happen IRL, those relationships usually aren’t healthy & happy, and can easily end up with borderline-emotionally-abusive undertones because the follower is afraid of losing the leader, and molds themselves to fit what the other person wants so as to be an unchallenging, uncritical presence in the life of their idol.

For a story about an adult man reincarnated as a young girl fighting in magical WW1.5, YS manages to put a surprisingly interesting twist on the Main Character is a Cool Asshole Without Consequences model, with Tanya getting away with it in the present due to extreme circumstances, not realizing that the war is the only reason she’s getting away with it, and facing many implied future consequences for it.

While it’s entirely possible and often completely necessary to handwave Tanya overcoming this for storytelling purposes, as you can’t go many places story-wise if Tanya is as screwed as it sounds like she’s going to be, standard reality is that she’s gonna need to do some serious legwork to dig herself out of the hole she’s in, both personally and professionally.

I appreciate that the crux of a good Tanya story is often Tanya thinking normal reality will apply to her but then bypassing normal reality to end up somewhere she never intended on being, much to her chagrin, and readers therefore may feel adhering to realism violates the reality of Tanyaverse.

For the purposes of this story, I have chosen to stick with where the preponderance of evidence leads and apply a good amount of normal reality to Tanya, because that is exactly what allows me to proceed along a different avenue of Tanya misunderstanding things and ending up somewhere she never intended on being, keeping to the spirit of Tanya stories. Plus, Tanya doesn’t seem very intent on growing as a person in the absence of consequences and I need my character growth drivers.

...and I can’t avoid admitting I still end up handwaving some portion of those consequences for Tanya, since, as stated above, it’s...hard to go anywhere with a story if you don’t.

#LN Reference

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theotherace · 3 years

Note

This might be an idea you've already touched on in one of your past works, but I'll give it a try here: In a taang marriage AU, how would you see Toph handling the role of basically being the Lady of the new Air Nomads (made up of both their future children and Aang's followers from the other 3 nations)?

Hmmm.

Well, usually there are Air Nomads other than Aang around in my AUs, so that question actually hasn't come up too much. The short answer is: I think she'd hate it.

For the long answer, let's look at the AUs I have where Aang actually is the last airbender. Boy, this is getting long.

Pre-LoK AU: By the time they get together, they each have a child from previous relationships; an airbending daughter and a nonbending son. Which means in this AU, she's not the (only) woman who helps bring back the airbenders, and she's not at all interested in encroaching on Yee Li's territory when her and Aang get married. Yee-Li knows what she's doing, she's been raising an airbender for the past six or so years, and she's been actively learning about their culture since she was a teenager. Toph can't compete with that kind of knowledge, and she doesn't want to, either.

Doesn't change the fact that people very quickly start looking at her like they previously did at Yee-Li. And it's infuriating because she didn't spend the last two and a half decades building an image only to then be made into something she isn't by the world just because she married Twinkle Toes.

She'd do her very best to learn and understand Aang's culture, of course, and not only because of the kids, but she's not an Acolyte, and if anyone called her "Mother of the Air Nomads" or some shit like that, I think they'd have to limp home. She also would absolutely not tolerate the Acolytes putting any of the kids on a pedestal just because they happen to be airbenders. Appreciate all of the Avatar's kids or appreciate none of them, but all of them are more Air Nomad than you'll ever be, so stop treating them like second-class citizens just because they're an earth/nonbender.

She'd absolutely be by Aang's side no matter what he does and how much he wants to teach their kids about their culture, as long as he's teaching all of them, but she's Toph Beifong while doing that, Greatest Earthbender in the World, and don't you forget it.

She'd reject the role in the beginning, and then begrudgingly accept that this is how it is now, while making sure nobody forgets who she is behind that. She'd help Aang rebuild, because she loves him, because it's important, because this is her children's heritage, too, but she very firmly stay herself, an Earth Kingdom woman at the end of the day.

(Also, the airbenders do come back in this AU eventually, but not through some Spirit Portal bullshit.)

His Father's Weight AU: This one's a little different, because Aang dies incredibly young, and their son is only born after Aang's death.

There's a lot of rumors surrounding the kid; not everybody thinks he's actually Aang's, some people think he's adopted, not even all the Acolytes know for sure who his father is because, well, his father was violently murdered, and nobody would like to see that happen to Kelsang.

In this AU, nobody treats Toph with any sort of reverence for being the mother of the last airbender. On the contrary, there's plenty of people who believe she had an affair or slept with some rando immediately after Aang's death. Nobody but some very close friends even know he's an airbender until he's about 15.

Toph would take being the mother of an airbender seriously in a much different way here. She has to find him teachers, she has to teach him what she remembers, she would curse herself for not listening to Aang better, and the Acolytes for sneering at her when she has questions. She would hate this, as well, but in another way entirely.

She'd take her role much more seriously in this AU, because there's nobody but fate forcing it on her, so she can tell herself that she's chosen it herself. It's not like there's anybody else around to make sure Kelsang knows about his father's culture, and she doesn't care so much who she goes down in history as, as long as it's not as the woman who cut off the last airbender from his Air Nomad heritage. And if it's as the Mother/Lady of the Air Nomads, well, that's not what she would've wished for, but at least it means she did a good job with her son, and that she did right by Aang. She's still Toph, of course, and unapologetically so, but she has much less energy to fight idiots. Call her what you want. Look at her however. She's got a kid to raise.

And once Kelsang reveals himself as an airbender, the music changes, of course, but by that time, she's fed up with suck-ups, especially those who had nothing better to do than rumor and whisper over the previous years. She doesn't change her behaviour, she still stands with the Air Acolytes (specifically Teo and the kid, obviously) at important events, she more fully immerses herself in Air Nomad culture in this AU than in any other and is somehow still the most disconnected from the Acoyltes in this than in most of my other stories. She's not the most happy person in this AU. Things are difficult.

Main AU: In which Aang isn't the last airbender, so any notions of her being some sort of important figure to the Air Nomads is quickly dispelled, should it come up. There's still weirdos around, of course, but she would shut them down quickly. The Acolytes would be more interested in the actual Air Nomads than her, which is more than fine by her. All in all, this would be very similiar to the Pre-Lok AU, with maybe a little more annoyance, because it's less understandable. There's Air Nomads! Airbender! Men, women, everything outside and in between! Leave her be, she isn't even the person who gave birth to the most airbenders in the last ten years. Still surportive of Aang and the kids. Still learning. But don't call her anything but Toph unless it's "Greatest Earthbender in the World".

And also, because re-reading made me unsure if you weren't maybe talking about some sort of arranged marriage, the Arragend Marriage AU: Toph would hate to be put in this situation and she would resent everybody who put her there. Maybe in this AU, the Gaang never stumbled upon her, and then one way or another, she ends up Aang's wife, anyway.

She hates him. She hates, hates, hates, hates, hates him. She hates that she'll never be more than what she was supposed to be now, and she hates that he's okay with just marrying this random girl who he knows nothing about. So she makes an effort to learn nothing and be as uncooperative as possible until she realises ... he's not pissed? In fact, he doesn't seem much of anything. He avoids her most days. He hasn't even touched her hand since they got married. He's gone a lot, and he always offers her to come with him, so one day, she does.

And they get to know each other, a little bit. And he promises he'll never do anything she doesn't want, and that she can leave whenever; he was just worn down after months and months of people urging him to take a wife. So neither of them were exactly excited about this marriage. And they aren't for quite a long time.

So this AU is very similar to the first and third once she's fallen in love with Aang, but she is just a giant dick in the beginning -- and she's earned that, too. Call her Lady of the Air Nomads again and catch these hands. She's not even bending, she's just kicking where it hurts the most. Also, leave her kids alone, she had those for herself, not for the world to gawk at. This Toph is very "Fuck off" in general; more so than in canon, and if an Acolyte (or whoever) gets weird about Aang/any kid being an airbender, they are banned from the family. ("Toph, I can't ban them from the Temple, this is their home, too." "Well, I can throw them off the mountain, if you'd prefer, Aang.")

Aaand ... I hope I answered your question? Sometimes I get lost in a thought and then talk right past an actual answer. In any case, thank you for the ask!

#atla #avatar: the last airbender #aang #toph #taang #lok au #his father's weight #dunebabies

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kidney9-9 · 4 years

Text

Petty Chapter 3 (Peter Parker)

Cover/Moodboard made by @lozzypoz321 Thank you very much for making this!! I love it so much!! You’re so sweet!!

In this chapter, tensions build and collide, as Peter and Y/n finally meet. Sorry for missed update yesterday, I wasn’t feeling too good. I might be taking a little longer to update everything on my blog because of my health, but this series is my first priority on here :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Taglist is open, and to join, send an ask!! Updates every other day unless specified

Series Masterlist

Peter Parker x Reader Warnings: swearing Word Count: 2.3k

You tried your best not to stare at Peter during the assembly today. Every part of you felt guilty as he turned back around for a second, making eye contact with you. Why did you do that to him? After hearing your cousin scream at you repeatedly for hours, you really did soak in your own guilt and shame. It was such a stupid thing to do as well, to change his grades just because you didn’t like him.

You scoffed silently at the reason why you didn’t like him. Stupid Spiderman shit… you shook your head at the idea of it. A lot of people have superhero phases, and you did too, but it wasn’t so strong to the fact you became a superhero or tried to be one. You wondered why he even thought about trying to be a hero, it made no sense. It pissed you off even more that it was his “secret” identity, and you wondered why no one else called him out for it, when it was so painfully obvious.

His cover wasn’t even mediocre in your opinion. A high schooler, interning as Tony Stark’s assistant or whatever, didn’t sound right. There were hundreds of dozens of people who apply to positions like that for Tony Stark, and never hear back from his company. Most of those people have doctorates, have started their own successful businesses, and have way more experience than just some high school boy. If you applied for that position, even with the same grades and success as Peter, you would be laughed at. It just didn’t seem like a good cover up to hide the fact that Peter was Spiderman.

The name bothered you too.

Spiderman? If he was spiderman, wouldn’t he have spiders just crawling out of him, not just the web shooters? You grinned slightly, thinking of the name Web-boy. It sounded like shit, but glancing back to Peter, you grinned even more, thinking of calling him that. Would he be offended? Probably, but it was more accurate than “Spiderman”.

Your gaze turned to the stage once again, as Peter whipped around, catching your stare once more. He frowned and glanced back as the teachers started talking. “Expect schedule changes starting the first day of finals. Instead of our regular block-schedule, we as an administration, have agreed that this schedule is easier. Based off your finals scheduled by your teachers, all students of classes that share the teacher will be in the same room, at the same time. We’ll be using the library, gym, and field for finals.” Your vice principal rambled nervously, glancing over to the principal.

She nodded in return to her colleague and stared into the crowd. “In short, it doesn’t matter if you’re in first period or last period, you will be in the same room, taking the same test made by your teacher. Every student’s schedule is printed at the exit, and you will wait in line to receive it.” Excited quiet chatter erupted from the students as you furrowed your eyebrows together, glancing back to your friend, Alex.

“Guess we’ll be taking the history final together?” Alex spoke, making you nod back to her. “Strange, maybe it’ll be better but who knows?” You made small talk back, still confused at the new schedule.

You sat in your cousin’s class after school as she paced the room anxiously. You played with your fingers absentmindedly, not sure of how to talk about your actions with Peter’s grades. It seemed your cousin didn’t know either, as she started to bite her nails, muttering swear words directed at everything. You stared down at the wood on your desk, and you sighed, counting the random lines and circles indented into the chair.

“Shithead…” Your cousin started, causing you to glance back up to her. She sat in one of the student’s desks near you, propping her feet up on another one. You nodded to her, as she rolled her eyes at herself, wondering why this all happened. “Peter’s a good kid, I think. Well, I don’t really know. Will you tell me why the fuck you did that to him?” She paused, scratching her head. She picked up her burrito, taking a bite, before continuing, mumbling over the food in her mouth.

“And more importantly, to me? You know what the fuck you just caused?”

You watched the clock tick up on the wall, as you felt your heart start to speed up. Mandy continued ranting at you, but all her words passed through you as you started to count the seconds, wanting to leave already. You heard shuffling from Mandy, but you didn’t glance away from the clock as she called your name again.

What did you cause?

You weren’t entirely sure of everything. At most, you just knew you ruined a part of Peter’s future; but even then, you weren’t sure. Was there more? Mandy cleared her throat loudly, pulling the desk she was in closer to you, causing a scratching noise to erupt in the room.

You cringed at the noise as you glanced back to Mandy. “What do my actions do to you?” You question, shaking your head as Mandy groaned loudly. She chewed her bottom lip, making you furrow your eyebrows together, knowing it was a bad habit of hers.

“Uh, you know how the English department needs money…” She trailed off, eyes fluttering away from yours as you scoffed in disbelief. “Please don’t tell me,” You paused, getting up from your seat, standing right at hers now. You already got the general idea of what your idiot cousin did, making you shake your head again.

“That you stole money from Parker?” You finished, hoping it wasn’t true. Mandy instantly shook her head, laughing at your idea. She placed her hands in her lap, patting softly as she stared at you.

“Of course not. That’s fucking stupid.” She retorted, laughing again, more nervously. You tilted your head back to her, thinking back to every time she’s lied to you, and that laugh she has when she does it. One of the worst lies she told you was about your old pet goldfish, Barney. He was about three years old, and Mandy told you she took it to the vet once, but instead she accidently knocked over the tank. She lied for over a month, telling you that the vet says there’s something seriously wrong and needed to be in the “hospital”. You finally caught her in her lie when you questioned her for hours.

This time, you could tell you didn’t have to question her, since she was already sweating from her lies. “Mandy…what did you do?” You asked seriously, staring her down as she giggled out again, fanning her face with her hand.

Mandy groaned slightly, rubbing her face in shame. She spluttered out, “Uh, fuck, well I might have blackmailed Peter into giving us some money, but this is ultimately your fault since you were the one to change his grades like that!”

What the fuck?

Your eyes widened at her. Millions of scenarios passed through your mind as you coughed in surprise back at your cousin. What the both of you did was illegal, and she didn’t even know he was Spiderman! Your heart pounded wildly in your chest at the thought of getting into legal trouble with the school system and the Avengers. Then you furrowed your eyebrows at that thought, what would it be like to even get in legal trouble with the Avengers. You knew they’ve had their troubles in the past, but would they even mess with a high schooler and a teacher? You shook your head at that, laughing in disbelief at everything.

“You’re fucked up,” You paused, glancing to the door. It was creaked open, making you sigh, shaking your head again. You walked over to it, slamming it shut as you glanced back to Mandy as she breathed in, preparing her rant back to you.

Ned stood in shock by the door, as he trembled, pulling out his phone to call Peter. He was planning on talking to Miss Riley about the final, thinking maybe he could pass information on to Peter, just in case she dropped his grade because she didn’t like him. It was just to help a friend, but now hearing your conversation while standing outside the classroom, Ned didn’t know what to think. You and Miss Riley planned this? Ned shook his head, as he put his head down, pressing the phone to one of his ears as he sped down the hallway.

Peter answered the phone with a sigh, as he plopped down on a rooftop, just starting his shift as Spiderman. “Hey,” He started, wondering why Ned called him.

Ned stuttered out, “Come back to the school!” Peter shook his head in confusion, quickly standing up and scrunching his face together, as he ripped his mask off. “Why?” He questioned back, already on his way.

“Uh, Y/n ruined your grades.”

Y/n? Peter questioned in his head. You were the girl who was staring at him today. He remembered blushing at your stare, hoping you found him attractive, not this. He blinked multiple times in shock as he rolled down the stairs, taking his suit off in the process, and rushing out to the alleyway right next to the rooftop he was on before.

“I’ll be right there.” Peter rushed out, quickly hanging up and pushing his clothes on. His suit was stuffed back into his bag, and he stood back up, not bothering to zip it up completely.

Why would you do that? Peter questioned to himself, groaning. He barely interacted with you in the first place, since you two didn’t usually have classes together. Did you just have it out for him? He frowned at that, thinking the worst in you and Miss Riley.

He still needed to talk to Tony, especially now. What was he supposed to say? He had no idea. Maybe that his teacher and another student was out for him? It didn’t make much sense. He ran to the school fast, breathing heavily as he pushed through the doors of the school.

Random scattered people stared at him as he sped walked through the hallway, marching down to Miss Riley’s class, with Ned’s words replaying in his head. He sighed, seeing Ned resting against the wall, waiting for him. Peter shook his head back to him, not wanting him in the room as he slightly opened the door.

“Hello?” He called out nervously. He cursed himself in his head, wondering why he was acting like that. You swung the door wide open, hearing his voice, and your eyes popped open in shock.

Fuck.

You gulped in fear and anxiety as Peter stepped into the room, staring back and forth between you and Mandy. You glanced back at her, as she scampered, standing up. The three of you stood in an awkward silence as the door shut behind him.

Mandy was the first to speak up, as she strolled back to her desk. “Peter Parker, what brings you here?” She questioned, cringing at her voice being unnaturally high. You shook your head to her, feeling the guilt bubble in you as Peter frowned back to the both of you.

“I know what you did.” He spoke up, towards you. You flinched back slightly, furrowing your eyebrows together. You took a slight step closer though after that, crossing your arms back to him. What was he going to do? You barely hid back your laugh as the thought crossed your head. He wouldn’t do anything, he was supposed to be a superhero, right?

Mandy cocked her head to you, watching in confusion. “What did I do?” You shot back, almost innocently, nervously smiling to him.

He couldn’t prove anything. Peter rolled his eyes in irritation, feeling a wave of emotions rise in him. Mostly anger, because of how you were acting. But then also, confusion, thinking maybe Ned was wrong with what he heard. It didn’t make sense to Peter, why you changed his grades. “You messed with my grades?” Peter questioned back, almost unsure.

You glanced back to his hair, grinning when you noticed it was messy. You could see he was just out, doing his stupid duties. You glanced back to his bag, humming softly. Inside, you were just a mess. You wanted to say sorry, but at the same time you wanted to lecture him for being so dumb with the Spiderman stuff.

Mandy cleared her throat, gazing at Peter. “I think it’s time we all left.” She paused, wanting to leave this situation without anymore accusations. “My cousin never did anything of the sorts, now shoo. Both of you.” She finished up, glancing to you nervously.

Your eyes widened slightly at her slip up. He didn’t know you were related to her. It wasn’t even known at school, something you both didn’t care for others to know. She oohed at her mistake lightly, as Peter glanced back to her, angry.

“Cousins, huh?” He pushed out, shaking his head.

He didn’t understand why he was a target in this mess. He questioned himself, if he should just go to the principal right now and tell them what happened. That was what he should have done in the first place, he thought, biting his lip. “I should go.” He decided, turning back to the door, knowing now was the time to tell the administration.

“I know you’re Spiderman.” You blurted out, hand shooting out and grasping his, pulling him back. Mandy yelped out in disbelief, completely standing up. Peter stared at you as the color drained in his face.

“…Sauce, I need sauce for my burrito.” Your cousin muttered, out of her mind. She stared at the two of you, as you and Peter scoffed back at her. You dropped Peter’s hand, stepping forward to your cousin.

“Fuck the sauce!”

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inktrailing · 3 years

Text

SPN: purgatorio (snippet)

Still haven’t settled on a replacement title lol.

This is... currently in the teens for chapters. Still too early for a chapter count and I won’t know my timeline until I actually rewatch s8 and decide when they’re getting thrown back in.

Last time I posted a snippet I wasn’t sure where pairings where fully landing. It’s definitely slowburn poly Dean/Lucifer and Dean/Cas, with Benny continuing to be a wildcard lmfao.

There’s some rando probably inaccurate field medicine in this chunk that will be replaced at some point after I finish researching for it.

(As a refresh this is my s7/8 AU wherein Lucifer was trying to use the hallucinations as a way to manifest through someone and ended up helping Cas out a bit but popped out in Purgatory when Cas got there).

Previous Snippet.

Warning for explicit language, canon-typical violence.

CHAPTER

“You act like you have any idea where you're going,” Lucifer tells Dean.

“I do,” Dean says. “It's called moving. Getting a lay of the land.” He spins in a circle, arms spread wide, then points at a particular rock that had an odd blue-tinted moss covering one of its sides. “I know that rock,” he says with a grin. “I know this area. Do you?”

“It's all the same,” Lucifer drawls.

“Uh huh. That's what I thought. Cas?”

“Um.” Cas glances between them. “There's a vampire nest that roams here.”

“Exactly. We hopped territories. I thought it was all a free-for-all chaos. But nah, it's organized chaos. That's your jam, ain't it, Lucifer?”

“Don't dare to presume anything about me, Winchester.”

“So that's a yes, then.”

Lucifer moves for him and Cas steps between the two of them, hands out.

Dean smirks. Lucifer scowls.

“You don't start learning the ways of the land, Lucifer, you're gonna be our weak link.”

*****

“Monster 101,” Dean pants, “please have an answer, right the fuck now.” He presses into the packed dirt wall. He turns his attention to Lucifer. “What the hell is that?”

“Well,” Lucifer says casually. Way too casually. “If someone tells you God made the 'first' beasts don't you think there might be a... oh, second, third. You know. More than one?”

“So which one is that?!” Dean hisses, swiveling his head in the direction of the open-air marshlands.

“Behemoth, if I remember correctly,” Lucifer answers. He reaches out and pulls Cas closer into their hiding spot.

“They don't look as though they have a lot for their maneuverability,” Cas says. “We might be able to lose them in the woods?”

“Can't either of you just fly us out of here?”

Cas shakes his head. “Like the Leviathans... they're grounding me. Unless...” He glances at Lucifer.

“No dice,” Lucifer answers.

“Seriously? What's the point of being an archangel anyway, then?”

Lucifer huffs. “Dear old Dad liked his toys. Also,” Lucifer risks a glance around the wall. The beasts were scouting. “I think they might be after me. So, really, sure lacking on those Archangel Benefits right now...”

“Then they can fucking have you,” Dean snarls.

“Dean,” Cas warns.

“What? How much else is gonna want to snack on him? He's a liability.”

“So am I,” Cas argues.

“No, it's not the same—”

“Yes, yes,” Lucifer interrupts, “we all have something nasty on our heels. You have the sheer numbers after you, Winchester, I think that makes things minutely more difficult, thank you. Castiel is right: if we make it into the woods, we should be able to lose them. I'll draw them off if I must.”

“Lucifer,” Cas starts, stricken.

“Please, I'll be fine.”

“I don't think—”

“See, he wants to play bait, Cas. So we should let him.” He pats the back of his hand against Cas's arm. “Let's go.”

When he moves, keeping low, Cas follows. Good. He wasn't sure what else he could say to convince Cas to come with him. Lucifer darts out in the other direction, making himself blatant, juicy archangel bait. Dean knows the moment the beasts catch onto the scent and it's the first direct look Dean gets of them as the three whirl around to stare at Lucifer.

One of the giants, already free from the marsh, charges. The two behind are slower, rising up from the water, dragging muck and grasses over smooth, short-haired skins. Dean sees the jaws open, rows of flat teeth big enough to crush his head if they get close enough.

Their bellows shake the lands, one call after the other, a chorus of unearthly groans all vibrating the air and when they move it's as though that same land moves for them, quickening their gait.

Dean tries to ignore the fact that Lucifer flinches. He pulls Cas after him and doesn't look back after he sees Lucifer peel around the other bank, leading them away.

“Dean,” Cas pleads.

“We can't do anything for him!” Dean hurriedly says. It's not a lie. “We'll only distract him. We'll find him again, okay?” Dammit. “I promise. We'll look for him.” Cas stares at him earnestly and he must be able to tell that Dean's being honest with him because he stops protesting and follows.

Dean's suddenly going to be real pissed if Lucifer gets himself eaten because he's not sure he'll be able to pick up the pieces of Cas if he finds his brother torn to shreds.

How's this become his life?

*****

“Everyone else under the sun can find the bastard and yet it's been over a day and here we are still trudging around, like damn, did the dude finally fly or is he just doing this to screw with us...”

Dean's been muttering to himself for the last twenty minutes. He knows it's not safe but he's tired and he needs sleep and he's going on being awake for twenty-five hours which outside of Purgatory he could do, but inside... Fuck. He needs sleep. This constantly-being-hunted thing weighs on a guy. Exhausts him faster than he can cope with. Cas needs sleep, too. Dean's held up by the Hunt. Cas is held up by Stress.

It's not a good combination!

Fucking Lucifer. This is all his fault.

He rubs sweat and grime off his face. They need to go back to a river. He'd like to get this film off of him.

He stops walking and turns to Cas.

“Just power nap, Cas. An hour.”

“I'm fine, Dean. I can keep moving.”

Dean rolls his eyes skyward. “Cas, if he needs healing when we find him you're gonna need to be more on your game. Sleep. I'll stay on guard.”

Cas sets his jaw but sinks down to the forest floor and coils himself against a tree, tucking into his trench coat, nearly black from their travels. It makes a good camouflage, but Dean still kind of wants to wash that, too. Seeing Cas like this throws him back into an unkind future Zachariah zapped him to.

Dean shakes his head and walks away. He makes sure Cas is in sight, raising a hand to block out the sunlight streaking through the canopy. They have several hours til nightfall. Dean's not sure he wants to go another night of being on the move. He'd prefer taking shelter somewhere and wait til dawn, but if night's bad for them, it's just as dangerous for Lucifer.

Dammit, Cas. Why'd you have to get attached to the devil?

“You fucker,” he mumbles when he knows he's out of earshot, “if you're doing this on purpose then you can go right back to Hell. Cas needs you and every hour we can't find you is gnawing at him.”

He drops his head. “I can't believe I have to do this,” he says more to himself. “You'd better be hurt. You'd better...” He glances back towards the small shape that is Cas, trembling in his fitful sleep. Dean sucks in a harsh breath, curses, and spits out the last words of his prayer, “I can't track angels. I need a fucking sign, man.”

He sighs and heads back for Cas, walking a perimeter around his tree.

*****

“Dean.”

Dean pauses and turns to look at Cas, awareness flagging. The sun's going down. All he has for dinner is some leftover scraps of meat from days ago and some weird leafy green tufts that Cas said were full of nutrients and good for him and when Dean asked how Cas knew that, Cas said the plants told him with a weird little smile.

Dean hates salad but he'd eat them if it meant Cas would feel comfortable smiling again.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean asks. Cas is staring off to their west, head tilted, eyes concentrating. “What is it?”

“It's...” Cas opens his mouth, closes it. Frowns. Tilts his head the other way. “Holy.”

“What?”

Cas looks to Dean. “It's... familiar. But off. Home, but not.”

“Home like Heaven?”

Cas nods.

Dean wonders if it's coincidental.

“How far?”

“I think we could get there before sundown on foot. Flying may be... dangerous.”

“Yeah, no, and I'd rather not wear you out. Of the two of us, you're the one lighter on his feet right now. Let's go. Lemme know when we get close so I can prepare in case it's an ambush or something.”

Cas nods again, and then he takes the lead.

In the end it's not a trap. They find a deep tear in the ground like a meteor plowed into Purgatory. There's a ring of felled trees at the top of the pit and at the very bottom is a strange white-flamed flickering fire and a hunched-over devil.

Cas's relief latches onto Dean.

“Cas, blink us down there,” Dean asks, and then fumbles for his footing an instant later after they're relocated. Cas is already kneeling by his brother, hand on his shoulder to push him up. Lucifer twitches to the touch and Dean can see lacerations down his side that must be taking too long to heal.

“Lucifer,” Cas says, trying to rouse him.

Dean flops down across them with the makeshift fire in the middle, looking more closely at it. It has the makings of a normal fire, wood and kindling, but Dean thinks he understands why Cas picked up on holy. It's grace-fueled. Actual, honest-to-God, holy fire.

“Lucifer,” Cas says again.

“Castiel,” Lucifer finally responds.

“Cas, can you fix him so we can go?”

“I...”

Cas slowly looks over to Dean and Dean has a real bad feeling real fast.

“I can't,” Cas says.

“Why not?”

“I-I don't...”

“Beast trumps angel,” Lucifer groans. He reaches up a hand and closes his fist. The holy fire vanishes. Well, Dean had been concerned about it drawing any other attention.

“Fine,” Dean says. “You gonna stay alive til morning?”

“Mmm,” Lucifer responds. Barely.

“Okay. Morning, then. We'll do this the human bullshit way. Cas, you talk to your plants or whatever and try to find something we can use as a salve and bandages and shit.”

Dean's really not sure if Cas can actually talk to plants or if it's just something getting him through his daily life to think he can, but either way he thinks Cas can suss out something to use. Trial and error, anyway. If Lucifer's gonna die it's because his Dad made something bigger and badder, not because of some plant goo Cas will slap on him.

“I think we're sitting ducks down here but the fire's out,” Dean continues, “Cas, you good enough to take watch?”

Cas looks from Lucifer to him and nods, a little off balance, but determined.

“Good, because I'm exhausted. Can I borrow your coat?”

Cas strips out of it and hands it over to Dean. Dean balls it up, caked Purgatory and all, and uses it as a pillow and lays besides the dead fire wishing that grace left any coals and heat. He meets Lucifer's glassy expression, glares at the devil, and then rolls over, putting his back to both the angels.

CHAPTER

In some world-turned-upside-down bullshit, Dean is keeping watch while Lucifer rests. Not that Lucifer's moved much since they found him the night before. Cas is gone. Has been gone all morning to do his plant thing that hopefully also involves bringing Dean back something to eat.

He should be the one out there but Dean can't tell one plant from another and keeping an eye around the top of their pit is the best use for him.

The company's shit though.

“You prayed to me,” Lucifer says two hours into the boring morning.

Boring is good. Boring means no monster attacks. Boring means no getting separated and having to try and find another angel.

“Desperate times,” Dean mutters. “You saw Cas. He barely holds it together on days he doesn't think you're dead. You must've done a real good job convincing him you're not an asshole.”

“I'm the only reason my brother is a functional person.”

“Sure, whatever.”

Lucifer scoffs. “Believe what you want.”

“I'll do just that.”

The sun's beating down on them from above when Cas returns with arms full like he just came from a Farmer's Market. There's some dried blood that trickled a path down his forehead. He found a canvas bag somewhere, or maybe he made it. Dean's not entirely going to judge him right now, even if he left Dean alone with Lucifer for hours on end.

“You find what you need?” Dean asks.

“I think so,” Cas answers. He sits down between the two of them and sets his bag in front of him, slowly pulling out small bundles wrapped in twine. He tosses one to Dean and Dean curiously loosens the twine and unfolds the large fronds. “Don't eat the outside,” Cas tells him, “that's just the vessel.”

Dean thanks a God he doesn't believe in that the fronds contain a plethora of small berries.

“You're the best, Cas,” Dean tells him.

Cas's smile is brief, but worth it.

Dean eats and watches curiously as Cas continues to pull things out, including a few rocks of varying sizes that make sense to Dean as he takes a cylindrical one and starts grinding various plants and other matter on a flat one.

“Purgatory's first doctor,” Dean jokes.

“I imagine there had been others in the past.”

“Yeah, slapped-together medicine before they get their heads chopped off. Not a lot of long-term teamwork going on here that I've seen.”

“Or there is,” Lucifer says, “but they only pick off stragglers.”

“Outnumber people. Cowards.”

Lucifer shakes his head.

Dean's finished his berries and the rest of his meats that he didn't eat last night by the time Cas has some concoction of paste gathered on one of the fronds and is looking at Lucifer with some hesitance.

“Get it over with, Castiel,” Lucifer says in way of permission.

Cas nods and lifts Lucifer's shirt and Dean looks away when Lucifer winces, but it isn't quick enough to miss the mottled blacks and purples marring Lucifer's side around the slashed skin, and he looks back just as fast.

“Shit,” Dean says, ignoring Lucifer's glare. “Cas, you got any water or anything we can clean that out with first?��

“I don't, unfortunately,” Cas says.

“It'll be fine,” Lucifer mutters.

“It looks infected,” Dean growls.

“I just need enough healing so that my body's natural response can kick in.”

“Oh, and it can naturally heal beast infections, right? Because it's doing so well with whatever that was.”

“Dean,” Cas says.

Dean gestures at the injury like it makes his entire argument.

Cas frowns.

“Put it on, Castiel,” Lucifer instructs. “If it gets me mobile, we can... worry about the rest when we've moved away from here.”

Dean makes a face in mockery but stays quiet as Cas seals the frond over Lucifer's side.

#spn fanfiction #ducifer #Dean Winchester/Lucifer #destiel #dean winchester #lucifer #castiel #fic: purgatorio

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fluxedbuds · 4 years

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can you go off about lalnable

ugly bitch idiot becomes a serial killer instead of going to therapy

But seriously, my take with Lalnable has always been more on the ‘fuck this guy’ side than the ‘poor sympathetic monster’ side. I don’t like seeing this guy woobified, especially because it tends to go some really concerning directions. I won’t get into it, because that’d be like slapping a label that says ‘come have discourse at me’ on my face, but let it be known, this guy ain’t got any excuses.

I’m not touching Lalnable’s potential childhood, because THATS a whole mess with no canon answer, but I do think he started out as pretty much a regular Lalna. Keep in mind, even the nicest, softest Lalna, FB Lalna, thought it was completely fine to repeatedly dunk a live bird in molten metal, because it didn’t die. And I think it’s pretty much still the state he’s in when he gets hired into Yoglabs.

Now, this is where you might start to think, ‘well gee, tumblr user Fluxed Buds, wouldnt it be easy for Yoglabs to twist that lack of moral understanding into something worse? wouldnt it mean its not his fault?’ And you’d be like, five percent right! The thing is, though, even Bird Torturer Lalna wouldn’t be any kind of okay with the kind of shit Lalnable ends up doing- there’s no boiling the frog situation possible, because there’s NO easy transition point into being the kind of person Lalnable becomes. At least one Lalna has quit Yoglabs because it was too evil, theres no reason Lalnable wouldn’t have been able to do the same, or at Least escape somehow. What I think happened is Yoglabs provided an environment where Lalnable could get away with doing horrible things extremely personally, and Lalnable took that and RAN.

There’s no evidence that Honeydew, Xephos, or any of the testificate scientists end up doing the shit Lalnable does. This isn’t an environment that’s forcing people to become like Lalnable, it just doesn’t provide many roadblocks. So, like Xephos lying about Lalnable being a clone, he’s lying about why he got locked up. Employee death is just an inconvenience. Lalnable got locked up for disagreeing with how cloning should work. I’ve had a post about this in the works for a while, but my theory is that Lalnable thought clones should be a brainless workforce, mostly because he Absolutely Could Not Handle the idea of another him running around without being under his control. Which, yknow, isn’t super weird of a hangup, pretty much every Lalna has it, and I’d wager a lot of real people would have similar objections. The problem is, Lalnas are stubborn little fucks, and when Xephos wouldn’t listen, Lalnable went ballistic and started fucking Everything up. So, stick him in a cage, pry him for info until you don’t need him, then put him in stasis for stable DNA.

So, the one thing Lalnable is justified about is being pissed about all that, because Xephos was a jerk and betrayed him, and also fuck Yoglabs. And thats one of three times Lalnable has ever been right in his whole life!

So, yknow, once he’s out of Yoglabs, he’s super got no excuse to kill/kidnap/enslave entire towns and whatnot, so any chance of him being sympathetic is long gone. Dude’s a piece of shit and won’t wash his goddamn clothes. But he does have some interesting psychology I can pry apart at this point!

So, first off- the name and aesthetic change, the color contacts, the voice changer- He’s trying to force control over the clone situation. He knows he doesn’t have any hope of controlling his clones, so he tries to fix it for himself by trying to make it so there aren’t copies of him running around, because he’s now different from all of them. But that sort of evolves into hatred of his original self, his real voice and name and appearance. So, that’s a little sympathetic, but he could’ve decided to be like properly goth or something so I don’t feel bad for him he looks like an idiot

Lalnable doesn’t care about justifying his actions, which does mean he’s a lot more powerful than some other yogs villains. He’s got nothing holding him back, his only setbacks are directly caused by other people fucking with him. Lalnable is legitmately a scary threat! It’s easy to forget that when we get to see so much of him being a complete failure idiot, but he’s good at what he does, and what he does is crimes and evil.

He’s also excessively focused on revenge, which I think is kind of why he ends up abandoning it in the end. He was so focused on the concept that he didn’t even realize how generally impossible and ill-advised it is. Besides the obvious issues of time loops, after he creates Five, if he actually succeeded, he’d delete Five. And for once, he doesn’t Want to destroy someone. FB4 really skipped over so goddamn much of his development, and thats REALLY annoying, but it doesn’t seem like a wholly illogical endpoint. He’s kind of driven by an impossible goal- control over everything about how the world sees him. At some point, he probably realizes that destroying every single one of his clones wouldn’t bring him any more joy than just torturing the shit out of some rando! Or, at least, it’s not worth more to him than Five.

I enjoy the Lalnable-Five father daughter dynamic a lot (because it’s literally canon Lalnable says he’s her father dont TRY me), but it takes a while to really get to that point. When he first makes Five, he’s making her like any other clone he’d make for spying. She’s just another tool, a frail attempt to steal Nano from a clone who doesn’t deserve to know her.

Oh yeah, the second thing Lalnable has ever been right about! He seriously thinks Nano is cool as FUCK. Which she is! It’s not a romantic interest for sure, I’m pretty sure Lalnable hasn’t thought about romance in like 10 years, it’s more of a fascination. I don’t think he’s really interested in friendship, but he wants that kind of power on his side, he wants to see how it works, and most of all, he doesn’t want some clone getting to even be near it. Five offering the side-switch deal to Nano was something both the Baddies agreed on.

Anyways, back to Five. While she starts out as a tool, they do end up growing closer, and for once, Lalnable isn’t a total bitch idiot about it. Unfortunately, he does spend a lot of time pointing out how Five is better than Nano because he made her, and through that making Five obsessed with Staying better than Nano, because if she’s not, Lalnable might abandon her. So, he’s Dad, but he starts out as a truly awful dad that should be dropkicked. I think Five’s confusion and fear over how absolutely focused he is on destructive and impossible revenge is part of what makes him reconsider too, although I guess we’ll never know for sure. They’re both still comfortably evil as all hell, but it’s settling into a weird sort of manageable space for the buddies, and thats probably the best we’re gonna get. Lalnable has no desire to be a good person and he never will.

The last thing Lalnable is ever correct about, is loving and appreciating Five for who she is as herself.

And then he wears those sunglasses and he stops being correct for the rest of his life.

TL;DR: serial killer develops identity issues, gives daughter identity issues, trades identity issues for a second daughter and disgusting sunglasses

#theories #alt title: lalnable is a bitch and i love him so much #seriously he doesnt give a singular shit about any law or moral #dont woobify him he doesnt want it #mdl #anon

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jetsetlife138 · 5 years

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Die A Little (Betelgeuse x fem!reader)

Summary: You purchase a house that is haunted by a ghost-demon creature who tricks you into summoning him into the land of the living. He shows his gratitude in an unexpected way.

Pairing: Beetlejuice x You / Beetlejuice x Reader

Word Count: 4,700 Warnings: SMUT Idk what I’m doing. This is dedicated to @beetlewise-and-pennyjuice

That motherfucker.

It started off as a terrifying introduction that led to so much more. Long story short, you had been offered a job in some podunk town in Connecticut and took it as an opportunity to start fresh. The bustling lifestyle of your old city was vastly different to that of the rural suburbs of the North East, but you didn’t mind the change as much as you thought you would.

As a bonus, the house you had moved into had been recently vacated and was on the market for a steal due to the demise of its most recent inhabitants. Though you felt badly for the deceased owners, it worked out well for you. Never in your life did you think that the deal of a lifetime would lead to your own personal ghost.

Actually, you weren’t even sure what he was. Merely hours after you had moved in, he had revealed himself to you, seemingly shocked that you had the capability to see him. At first, you thought that he was some rando intruder messing with you, and you immediately went to call the cops. You nearly pissed yourself when he stopped you before morphing his face into something so horrifying that you couldn’t even put into words what you saw. That’s when you realized with certainty that he was not human, since no human in existence had the capability to do that.

After that, your curiosity got the better of you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from analyzing him. His whole existence was incredibly fascinating to you.

The creature before you stood confidently, his intense eyes narrowing in a challenging gaze, toying with you. His posture was loose and casual, though still slightly intimidating. His dark hair that faded into green was thick and unkempt. He was adorned with a baggy, worn black and white striped suite that seriously could have used a wash.

He stepped closer to you, his footsteps unnervingly making no sound whatsoever, causing you to take a step back in response. He grinned briefly before clicking his tongue in disapproval. “Now, now. No reason to be afraid, babe. I’m just as curious about you as you are of me.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” you retorted under your breath, still looking him over.

“Got any questions for me? Ask away, I’m an open book,” he insisted, clearly enjoying the attention that he was getting from you. He had a harsh, raspy voice that oddly enticed you, encouraging you to keep him talking.

“Um… I guess your name would be a good start.”

He chuckled, earning a shiver through your body. “You got me there. I, uh, I can’t tell you.” He winked playfully at you, once again stepping closer to you.

Eyeing him skeptically, you asked, “Why not?”

“I got it,” he snaps his fingers, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “How ‘bout a game of charades?”

“Seriously?” you muttered, taken aback when you realized that he was serious.

He was clearly trying to sway you; to make himself seem less threatening as a way to get you to let your guard down… and it was working. Several minutes later and a few embarrassingly failed attempts at guessing, his name was finally revealed.

“Betelgeuse?”

“'Atta girl! That’s it! Just two more times, babe,” he urged, biting his lower lip in anticipation. “Really get a feel for it, come on.”

Why he wanted you to repeat his name was beyond you, but you figured you’d comply rather than have him kill you in your sleep or something. “Betelgeuse.”

He nodded his head excitedly, a slight moan escaping his throat, as if the sound of you saying his name gave him an actual form of pleasurable relief.

“Betelgeuse!”

The air in the room thickened as soon as the last syllable left your tongue. His eyes flashed at you as he bared his teeth at you in a sinister smile. “Thanks, doll. I owe you one!”

Before you could even ask what he was thanking you for, the floor beneath you started to shake, causing you to stumble as you tried to get your bearings. Since when in the fuck did Connecticut have earthquakes?

Once the house settled, you looked around to see that you were alone, no ghost-demon thing in sight. It was obvious that saying his name three times did something that enabled him to come and go as he pleased, leaving you behind without another thought.

Awesome. Who knows what evil you just released into the world. If was your fault for being so trusting and foolish, but at least he was out of your hair.

The next day, exhaustion had taken over as you sat on your couch, lost in a daze as you slowly swayed a glass of wine in your hand. You watched the viscosity stick to the side of the glass in a mesmerizing way while trying to force yourself to relax after what had probably been the most stressful day of moving that you had ever experienced. Then again, no one ever said that moving across the country into your first home was ever easy.

Feeling the wine start to take effect, you’d turned on the tv but couldn’t really focus on it. You were too busy thinking about Betelgeuse and the immediate effect that he had on you. Part of you wished that he would come back. Maybe he would even visit you tonight? Of course, chances were high that he had just manipulated you to get out. You’d probably never see him again if he didn’t want you to.

It was getting late and the wine started to make your body feel heavy. Today’s events rested on your tired shoulders, and your bed was calling to you. Around midnight, your fatigue was too much to ignore, and you succumbed to it.

Not bothering to remove your clothes or take off your makeup, you crawled into your bed, letting out a relieved sigh once you were tucked in under the warm covers. Further thoughts of your ghostly interaction could wait until tomorrow.

Just as you had begun to drift off to sleep, a strange feeling of unease fell over you. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end as you forced your eyes open to look around your dark bedroom. When you saw nothing, you couldn’t decide if you were relieved or disappointed.

Sighing heavily, you threw your head back into the pillow, frustrated with yourself. Once again, the mysterious creature was plaguing your mind, keeping you from falling asleep. The memory of the way his voice lulled you into a compliant state of mind and how his charm was dripping with sexual magnetism washed over you, leaving you wanting.

What the actual fuck was wrong with you. Did you seriously have a ghost kink?

Just as you had started to fall back asleep, a raspy voice carried over the darkness. “Miss me, babe?”

You yelped, sitting up and jumping towards the head of the bed, away from the unexpected intrusion. With your heart thumping harshly against your chest, you strained your eyes to adjust to the darkness to see the silhouette of a familiar figure stepping towards you out of the shadows.

That familiar smirk was adorning his face, which you could now see more clearly in the moonlight, making his skin seem even more pale, though it oddly suited him. Even through the darkness you could see his green, unkempt hair. He no longer had his jacket, but was still wearing the rest of the clothes as before, looking just as sinful.

“Betelgeuse,” you stated, trying to suppress the thrill that was surging through you. “What-”

“Am I doing here?” he finished, relishing in the effect his surprise entrance had on you. “Come on, I think we both know the answer to that. But, uh, take it easy on the name, doll. Can’t have you sending me back now, can we?”

You swallowed hard, trying to mask your intrigue and overall elation, but you knew that he could already sense it. Still, that didn’t mean that you were going to give him the satisfaction.

“Are you here to kill me?” you blurted out, unable to stop yourself.

He hummed thoughtfully, inching his way towards you, now having almost reached the end of the bed. His crooked smile widened a bit before he answered with a question, “Would you like me to?”

Scoffing at his response, you replied, “Obviously not.”

“Well then,” he dipped his chin, chuckling darkly. “I’ll do my very best to keep you alive.”

That made you nervous. “What if I don’t want you?” you asked, knowing that you had already given away your obvious arousal and desire to be with him, but the question still plagued you. “You promise not to kill me, but would you hurt me if I’m not…” Trailing off, you didn’t want to give the impression that you didn’t think you were good enough, so you rephrased, “If I don’t want to do this?”

His brows furrowed and his nose wrinkled in disdain of the question. “I really hope you’re not asking what I think you are.”

Hearing him say that made it sound ridiculous that you were even asking, but still, you nodded your head. His expression softened as he drew closer, taking you in with his piercing gaze, already making you want to melt into the sheets.

“No,” he answered sharply. “First of all, I may not be human, but that doesn’t make me a monster.”

Instant relief washed over you after hearing him confirm what you had already suspected. He could probably see your body relax against the bed, which encouraged him to continue. “Secondly, I have no need to fuck you against your will seeing as how desperately you’ve been wanting this since the moment we met.”

Busted. You opened your mouth a couple of times to protest, but you couldn’t find the words. He was absolutely right, but you couldn’t stand his cocky attitude. “I don’t-”

“Oh, you do,” he stated confidently, cutting you off. “I can smell that you do, babe. I know how badly you’ve been craving this, and I know that it’s been far too long since someone has touched you the way you need to be touched - the way I intend to touch you.”

“Is that why you came back here?” you snapped. “Because you felt sorry for me?”

He stepped to the side of the bed now, a somewhat feral look in his eyes, which was masked by the coy smirk he displayed as he toyed with you. “On the contrary, I’m intrigued by you. I’ve been thinkin’ about this just as much as you have.”

You eyed him suspiciously. “Somehow I doubt that,” you mumbled. “So, what, you thought I would be an easy target for you?”

“So defensive!,” he accused before laughing quietly. “You did me a service today, and not only did I want to repay the favor, but I wanted to get a taste of you for my own needs. You’re exactly what I’ve been longing for, and I think it’s safe to say that I am what you’ve been needing, too.”

Just hearing him say that made your body tremble and a wave of heat rush to your core, which he could sense immediately, earning a knowing chuckle from him. Your breath shook as he knelt on the bed, stretching out his hand for you to take as a gesture of consent due to your previous hesitance.

No longer afraid, you locked eyes with him as you tenderly placed your hand in his, jolting slightly at the feeling of his chilled skin. He raised his eyebrows smugly at you as he closed his hand around yours, pulling you upwards to join him in a kneeling position.

He leaned forward then, rubbing his cold cheek against your flushed one as he slowly moved down to the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply, followed by a wanton groan. “Fuck, you smell so good.”

You bit your lip to keep from revealing how desperately you wanted him, but when he pulled back and looked into your eyes, it was evident. The only comforting thing was that he seemed to want you just as badly.

“Well then,” you breathed softly, running your hand down the buttons on his shirt. He hummed in question, seemingly distracted by you somehow. You continued, “You want to thank me for releasing you? Show me how you intend to do that.”

His pointed teeth glistened in the light as he smiled wickedly at the invitation. “You’re in for a treat, sweetheart.” Before you could hesitate, he pushed you back onto the bed, knocking the breath out of you slightly at the unexpected force. “However, before we begin, I need you to understand something,” he warned.

You bit your lip from both need and slight affliction. “What’s that?”

“You are at my mercy. There is no backing out, there are no safety words, and there is also a possibility of loss of sanity from the immense pleasure that you are about to experience.”

Already the wetness was building up in your core, just hearing the way he spoke about it ignited something in you - a desperate need that you had to have satiated right then and there.

“Fuck, yes, Betelguese. I get it,” you huffed impatiently, sitting up and reaching for his belt. He chuckled darkly, catching your hands in his and holding them steady, forcing you to look up at him.

“I mean it, babe. I’m willing to fulfill your needs, but it may come with consequences. Do you understand?”

“I understand!” you all but shouted, no longer able to hold back. “I’m beginning to think you’re stalling because you’re all talk and just don’t want to embarrass yourself.”

He raised his eyebrows at your audacity to question his talents before licking his lips slightly and wrapping his hands around the back of your legs, pulling you forcefully closer so that your heat was pressed against his already hardened cock, causing you to groan wantonly.

“I’m gonna fuck you to the brink of death,” he breathed, leaning in so that you could feel the coolness of his breath on your face.

“Prove it,” you challenged, your body already shaking from the anticipation.

The wicked grin returned as his eyes darkened with lust before he huskily stated, “It’s showtime!”

Following his statement, he snapped his fingers, causing your garments to rip from you in shreds and fall to the floor. Ordinarily, you might have been upset, but you were too clouded with lust to care at that point.

Once your ruined clothes were tossed aside, you took a moment to stare at him, eyes drifting lower until you caught sight of his length through his striped pants, which appeared to be thick, hard, and practically weeping pre-cum due to the damp spot near the tip.

He didn’t have to ask to know that you were impressed and eager to feel his huge cock inside of you. A cocky smile crept across his face as you finished inspecting him, imagining all the things that he was going to do to you.

Unable to delay any longer, he gripped the back of your hair harshly, pulling you towards him in a fierce kiss. You savored the surprisingly sweet flavor of him as he plunged his tongue into your mouth, swirling around with precision, exploring every cavern.

You hardly noticed that he had released your hair and lowered his hands to begin exploring your body while he continued to lick inside of you. His hands left a trail of coolness along your warm, flushed skin, making you want to lean into his touch.

When he reached your breasts, he began to knead them tenderly, briefly flicking over your hardened nipples with his thumb. Breaking the kiss, you bit your lip as he mouthed at your jawline, then running his tongue along your throat before taking a moment to nibble at your collarbone. The pain of his bite mixed with the sensation of his skilled hands on your breasts was sending you into overdrive.

It was then that you noticed that an odd, warm feeling was creeping into your lower belly, working its way down toward your lower region. Before you could think too long about it, an intense, inexplicable sensation began to pulsate around your cunt, causing you to choke on your breath, gasping for air as it constricted around you.

Betelgeuse hummed happily against your skin as he relished in your response to his power, kissing and licking his way down from your clavicle to your breasts, pausing to suck harshly on their raised peaks. You writhed beneath him, unable to sit still as his manipulation worked through you, your entire body buzzing with arousal.

Your hands tangled themselves in his thick, green locks, noticing only for a moment how soft his hair was before once again becoming distracted with what he was doing to you.

Eventually, his hands left your breasts and he continued to scoot down until he positioned himself between your legs. He lifted one of them into the air as he tasted your skin, leaving trails of soft pecks and bites down your leg to the inside of your thigh. It was only then that you realized that though his hands were preoccupied with your lower half, your breasts were still being massaged and sucked on, as if he was still there, pleasuring you.

You moaned softly, realizing that he was not bound by the physical plane of your world. Knowing that he could be anywhere and everywhere with you was difficult to fathom, but you had no complaints.

Lowering himself, he parted your legs further and positioned them higher to allow more access to your dripping heat. He placed one finger on the edge of your lips, slowly trailing down toward your hole. You wanted to beg. You wanted to say anything that would encourage him to touch you where you needed him most, but you could barely bring yourself to breathe properly, let alone form words as the pleasure continued to radiate throughout your trembling body.

He took a moment to appreciate you in this state, that familiar smirk adorning his face before darting his tongue out to lick his lips as he observed you. Hoping that your pleading eyes were a sufficient request for him to continue, your hands gripped the sheets as you prepared yourself for what you hoped would come next.

Finally, his finger found your swollen nub as he circled it teasingly. Though he was giving you minimal contact, his digit seemed to vibrate against you, causing pleasure to shoot throughout your lower half.

You threw your head back against the pillow, no longer having the physical capability to hold yourself up. His chuckle distinctly reached your ears as he clearly enjoyed the sight of your loss of control, and he had barely even touched you.

His chilled finger dropped from your clit and prodded slightly at your entrance. No longer able to hold back, he inserted a finger, twisting and crooking his digit in just the right way. “Mmm, babe, you’re so tight,” he cooed, his words barely registering as he continued to explore your insides.

Whines spilled from your mouth as he added a second finger, and then a third, stretching you and causing more lubrication to spill from your core while he pressed his thumb against your bundle of nerves, wriggling vigorously.

It was almost too much. You had never experienced so many wonderful sensations at once in all your life. Every spot that had ever caused you arousal was being stimulated, including places that you hadn’t even discovered, and yet, somehow Betelgeuse knew about them.

Just when you thought that you couldn’t handle any more, he withdrew his fingers before pulling himself out of his pants, using your own essence to wet his throbbing cock. He ran his hand along his length, spreading your natural lubricant. You might have been delirious from the waves of bliss pulsating through you, but you could have sworn that his length and girth had increased in size since you had started. For a moment, you wondered how he was even going to fit himself inside of you, regardless of the preparation his magical fingers had done.

He seemed to sense your hesitation as he ran the pads of his fingers along your abdomen in a slow, soothing motion. You adjusted your hips slightly to better prepare yourself for the blunt object that was about to be inserted into your heat. He smiled widely, showing off his teeth with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Grasping his thick appendage, he rubbed the weeping head against your opening, trailing up to grind against your clit, earning another needy groan from deep in your throat.

Even through your heavy, half-lidded eyes, you could see that he too was eager for this to happen. Though he showed remarkable self-control, little things were giving him away, like the way he ran his tongue against his bottom lip, or the way his breath came in small huffs, or the way his fingers trembled when he finally lined himself up again, ready to penetrate you.

Much to your surprise, instead of slowly pushing into you to allow you time to adjust to his girth, he shoved his hips forward, literally knocking the breath out of you as his length became fully sheathed inside of you.

You released a loud cry, partly because you assumed that he had just ripped your vagina in half, and also out of shock due to the fact that there wasn’t a single moment of pain. All you had felt was pleasure as his cock somehow fit perfectly inside of you, stretching you in the best possible way.

“Oh, fuck!” you moaned as he began to pull out, allowing the ridges of his swollen length to hit every crevice inside of you before snapping his hips forward again. You could swear that you could feel his tip hit your cervix as your nails dug into his arms, wanting more of what he was giving you.

“So fucking good,” he rasped as he read your body language, encouraging him to pick up speed, pumping in and out of you at a vigorous pace. The friction was perfect, driving you insane as he hit your g-spot dead on with each thrust.

Before you could even adjust to his blissful actions, the invisible touch returned to your breasts, sucking, stroking and kneading just right. Although his mouth was nowhere near your clit, you felt a chilled, wet tongue glide over your nub, applying just the right amount of pressure, vibrating and circling around it.

“Just like that. Y-yes, right- oh fuck- right there!” You couldn’t contain yourself anymore. Your cries echoed throughout the room as you sobbed with ecstasy, never knowing that any person could feel this way. Just when you thought you couldn’t take anymore, the pulsating pleasurable sensation returned, filtering throughout your entire body.

“Such a good girl,” he praised as he fucked you mercilessly. “Like you were fucking made for me.”

It was a good thing that you were in the position you were. Had you been on top or in any position where you had to use any muscle at all, you would have collapsed by this point. You no longer had any control over your body as it trembled and convulsed with sensations beyond your comprehension.

You could feel yourself starting to unravel, no longer able to contain the pressure building up inside of you, begging for release. “Oh, god! Betelgeuse… please,” you begged, finally able to form words.

His breath came in short gasps as he pummeled inside of you, moving with inhuman speed. Soon, the friction of his thrusts was too much for your body to handle. Before you could even understand what was happening, you were climaxing, experiencing a sensation so euphoric and blissful that you had honestly believed for a moment that you were dead. Your body wracked with your orgasm as you pulsated around his cock in an attempt to milk him dry.

He choked back a moan as you clenched around him, still trying to last a bit longer. “Holy shit,” he groaned. “Babe, you’re killin’ me here.”

You barely registered his movements as he continued to penetrate you, chasing his own orgasm after you were slowly coming down from your own. Not too long after, you felt cold spurts lining your cervix as he emptied himself inside of you, a few whimpers and groans spilling from his lips as he rode out his high on top of you.

Your bones felt like gelatin as you lay there, unable to move as he collapsed on top of you, the weight of him and the chill of his skin oddly comforting. He too was trembling slightly from the aftershock of your actions together, which surprised you. You would have thought that he would have more composure for a dead guy.

“Wow… okay, I was not expecting that,” you breathed between pants. He chuckled at your awestruck response, which rumbled through your own body since he was still on top of you.

He lifted his head up, quirking his eyebrow at you and smirking like he was in on a joke that you didn’t understand. “What?” you asked him suspiciously.

“I just think it’s adorable that you think we’re finished,” he replied, placing his hands on either side of you so that he could lift himself up.

“Care to elaborate?”

He took a moment to sift a hand through his hair, pushing the unkempt strands back before he cocked his head to the side to crack his neck in preparation. “Sit up.”

“Betelgeuse… I can’t-”

“Sit up, and turn around,” he demanded, his wicked smile returning. “I haven’t yet satisfied you to the best of my ability, dollface. I haven’t made you completely unravel with bliss, and I intend to do so. Now.”

You expected your muscles to be sore considering how rough he had taken you and how much stimulation was coursing throughout your body, but you were surprisingly okay. Better than okay. The thought of going again excited you, and the fact that he was able to eradicate any physical limitations that the both of you may have had made you want to keep going.

The demon took you again from behind, and again holding you in his lap while you straddled him. Each new position was somehow better than the last. You had never known ecstasy like this, and you knew that you never would again. He elicited noises and shrieks from you that you hadn’t even known were humanly possible.

Finally, when the both of you were completely spent, your body covered in sweat and cum, you surrendered, unable to handle anymore. Even Betelgeuse seemed to be exhausted, though he hid it well behind his cocky smile.

“Thanks for the wild ride,” he cooed as he left your bed, snapping his fingers to pull the covers over you. “That was as much a treat for me as I’m sure it was for you.”

Barely able to find the strength to speak, you asked, “What will you do now?”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll find something to pass the time.” He winked at you before leaning in kissing you deeply, making you moan into the kiss as he swallowed your noises.

He released a satisfied hum when he pulled away, walking toward the dark corner of your room. “Should you require my services in the future, you know how to find me.”

“But how will-”

“Sweet dreams, babe.” He gave you one final smirk as he straightened his tie and melted into the darkness, leaving you to what turned out to be the best sleep of your life.

#I'm filthy #I won't apologize for it #betelgeuse #beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice the movie #beetlejuice musical #betelgeuse musical #musicaljuice

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