#seriously no more fics where they hate each other or I will cry

[rudbeckia-hirta]

Today I am just here to deliver some source material fodder for all your KageKen shipping needs.

[mxnhoo]

like it (h. hj)

"a no-label relationship, how thrilling can it be?" | cover preview ׂ╰➤ hwang hyunjin x reader (ft jay, jake and jungwon from enhypen, chan, seungmin, jisung, minho) genre angst, toxic relationship, reader has long hair, toxic LAWL, aruging crying kissing in the rain (we love to see it), reader enjoys photography w/c 17.2k warnings toxic relationships (ig), arguments, manipulative, aggressive kissing (gasp!), a lot of kissing (I HOPE I DID OKAY FOR THE KISSING SCENES), hyunjin is possessive, hyunjin invades reader's privacy, hyunjin takes things without permission, hickies, slightly suggestive ig?, occurrence where the reader gets harassed/assaulted physically, fighting, cheating, THERE IS MORE BUT ILL UPDATE WHEN I WAKE UP COS I JUST WANNA POST THIS ASAP, semi-proofread

a/n finally, the fic is out! it came out later than expected, and i apologise to yall for that. this is the first long fic i've ever written and ive learnt that long fics arent for me LOL. cringed so much writing this, i literally have a love-hate relationship with this, but i seriously hope yall enjoy this because i spent so much time on it. likes comments and reblogs are appreciated, and once again so sorry it took so long!

now playing i like it - stray kids

It was getting dark outside — the sun slowly setting, roads having slight traffic due to it being a little after peak hour, and your window blinds were closed, your living room being dimly lit from the lamp on the table and the ceiling light that was barely working.

"Don't tell me you're still going out with Jay?"

You finished tying your hair up in a ponytail before averting your gaze to Hyunjin, an expression of grimace on your face. He was resting on your couch, legs were in a manspread, his arms crossed and his head thrown back on the cushion. He returned the sour expression and all you could do was turn your head back to the mirror to touch up on your make-up, picking up the different brushes.

"Why can't I?" you retorted back, your annoyance towards him gradually growing as you start to dab the brush on your face, focusing on the small details. You two just had an argument moments before, a big reason was because you had plans with other males — well, just one, your best friend, Jay. You two also bickered about other small things, nitpicking each other’s small habits, and it all led to this.

"Because I'm here?" He sat up on the couch, his posture straightening as he locked his gaze onto you, his eyes showing fury as you remained unphased, putting down your brush and holding up your eyebrow pencil, drawing over your eyebrows. His sentiment sounded contemptuous, but this wasn't your first rodeo with him.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?" you taunted, clearly not intimidated by him as you fully turned your body to face him. The corner of his mouth curled up, raising his eyebrows as he set himself up from the couch, walking towards you until he was in front of you. Considering you were seated, you had to tilt your neck upwards to maintain eye contact with him, your eyes showing no remorse towards him.

"What will I do?" He leaned forward, his face mere inches away from yours. On the outside, you remained nonchalant about it, but on the inside it felt like your heart was going to burst out. "What do you think I'm going to do?" he threw the question at you, and you could feel your heart skip a beat. The way you two were holding eye contact so intensely made your eyes linger over his lips, admiring how plump and captivating it looked, and it didn't go unnoticed.

He leaned in, smashing his lips onto yours with no warning and you gasped. He took the chance to slip his tongue inside your mouth, two of your muscles dancing strongly against each other with strong passion. You closed your eyes and your hands slowly wrapped around his neck. His hands cupped your jaw, manually tilting your head so he could gain more access to your mouth. The passion in the kiss was so evident and it fueled the fact that you both despise yet yearn for each other so much. You slowly felt as if you were running out of breath, so your hands snake down to his chest and you attempt to push him back, but your attempt is fruitless.

This only made him kiss you more aggressively, and this was a way of expressing his frustrations and jealousy to you, since you obviously didn't want to obey him. You gradually started to feel light-headed, and he finally pulled back from the kiss, his forehead resting on yours as he looked at you with the same fury in his eyes. You panted, desperate to catch your breath as you could physically feel your heart racing. His gaze averted to your lips and he chuckled at the sight of your red lipstick being smudged, bringing his fingers up to smudge your lipstick even more.

"Forget Jay, Y/N. How could you think about him when I'm right in front of you?" his eyes softened and he pleaded, causing a pang of guilt to hit your heart. You released a sigh, your hands falling back down to your sides as you leaned back from him, looking around the room to avoid eye contact with him. "I'll cancel, okay?" you muttered, feeling guilty for making Hyunjin feel that way, as well as for cancelling plans with Jay extremely last minute.

You and Jay originally had plans to go see a movie, and you had been looking forward to it for a week, but guess things just don't go accordingly sometimes.

Upon hearing that you'd cancel, his face lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. He brought you into an embrace, his broad frame perfectly wrapping around yours as you nuzzled your face into his neck, enjoying his warmth. 

“Thank you, baby,” he mumbled, hugging you tighter and you shook your head.

“I’m still mad at you,” you replied and he only laughed it off.

You felt so complete with him, so many moments when you wanted to rip your hair out because of him but it always ended up like this. Always ended up in his arms, and no one else.

"You signed up too?!" you exclaimed, nearly choking on your food as you kept your focus on the boy in front of you. Jay lightly grinned at your reaction and nodded his head. Loud chatters fill the cafeteria as you stared at the boy in front of you with a wide grin. Bliss filled you as you processed that you wouldn't be alone in the photography club; it's always nice to have someone familiar around.

"I didn't know you were into photography too, Y/N!" he chuckled, taking a bite out of his sandwich afterwards and glancing at you. You were so excited to finally have a mate that you could talk about photography with. Even if he was your friend for a while, you never knew he had the same interest as you. You were experienced with it, having bought your own camera a little while ago and playing around with it whenever you had free time. Unfortunately,

"Yeah! I actually bought my own digital camera a while ago but I recently lost it.."

Jay pouted upon hearing the news, sharing the sorrow you felt when you first realised you had lost it. "But it's okay! They provide cameras in the club, don't they?" you added on, lightening up the mood.

Jay chuckled and nodded, admiring how you could quickly light the mood up. You took another bite of your meal, munching it down and took a sip of your chocolate milk from the plastic straw.

"Actually, I've already been in the club for a while, I could introduce you to a few of the members right now if you want?" he offered, and your eyes instantly lit up, your face leaning closer to his. "Seriously?! Right now?! You would do that?" you jubilantly expressed, feeling euphoria run through your veins. Jay gave you a small smile and nodded, and you stood up from your chair immediately, creating a loud dragging sound from your chair which caught the attention of a few others in the cafeteria, but you could care less.

"Let's go now then!" you exclaimed, taking Jay's wrist with your left hand and your right hand still holding your half-eaten burger. Jay looked surprised at your excitement, but went along with it regardless. He was more than happy to lead you to the club room. On the way you kept telling Jay about your experiences with photography, and he shared some of his experiences too, helping you to realise that Jay was really interesting as well.

"Well, here we are!" Jay stood in front of a door, glancing at you and realising you had the brightest expression on your face. He chuckled at the sight of you being so eager and he nodded at you, opening the door and gesturing for you to enter first. You slightly bowed and mumbled a small 'thank-you' before stepping in and realising how the room was filled with about 5 people. All of them were new faces, or so you thought.

"Hey guys, we have a new member!" Jay stepped in and closed the door after himself, glancing between at his club mates and at you, flashing you a welcoming smile. From the way he spoke, you could somewhat tell that he was already close with the members, and it reassured you since it would be easier for you to make friends through him. You looked at each person one by one, noticing how each of them were at their own individual spots and giving them a friendly smile until you looked at the last person.

Hyunjin.

And he was holding the camera you mentioned about, angled at the corner of the room closest to him. The one you had lost.

"Oh?" Hyunjin said, his tone sounding amused as he eyed you up and down. You looked at him with widened eyes, not expecting him to be here out of all people. You cleared your throat and averted your gaze away from him, feeling his eyes burn a hole on you from his intense gaze. It was true you and Hyunjin had something, but you two never revealed it in public.

"Do you know her, Hyunjin?" Jay questioned, your sudden awkward behaviour not going unnoticed. Hyunjin smirked and raised his hands up as if he were surrendering, "Who knows?". You bit your lip, feeling uncomfortable at this situation and feeling like anyone would be able to infer that you and Hyunjin had something, but your thoughts were interrupted by Jay's laugh.

"You're scaring the poor girl, at least be more welcoming," Jay laughed out and walked over to the side of a boy who had silky straight hair, his hair slightly over his eyebrows and partially covering his eyes, and a black hoodie nicely fitting over his torso. You formed eye contact with the boy and he flashed you a small smile, a dimple forming on one side of his cheeks.

"Y/N, this is Jungwon, the president" Jay gestured to Jungwon, and Jungwon slightly bowed down. "Hi Y/N! I remember seeing your name in the list; just didn't expect to be seeing you so soon!" he spoke, his voice sounding like honey. He extended his arm for a handshake, and you nervously walked towards him and took his hand, firmly shaking it. You were slightly taken aback to how casual Jay was with the president of the club.

"Hi Jungwon! Nice to meet you!" you greeted him. You felt as if you were walking on eggshells, knowing very well that Hyunjin was watching your every move, and you were familiar with his outbursts after seeing you interact with other males. After the handshake with Jungwon, you quickly pulled your hand back and fidgeted with your fingers, already imagining the argument with Hyunjin in your head.

Jay helped to introduce to the rest, initiating friendly small-talk and helping you to getting to know the members. They were all pretty friendly and lovely people to get to know.

As you reached the last person, Hyunjin, you formed eye contact with him, biting your lip as the tension between the two of you became increasingly unbearable.

"Y/N, this is Hyunjin, and Hyunjin this is Y/N!" Jay introduced. You felt a lump in your throat, suddenly losing the ability to talk.

"Hello, Y/N. Nice meeting you," he extended his hand and flashed a smirk, his gaze on your hand and waiting for you to take his. You cleared your throat and nervously raised your hand up to take his hand until the loud school bell rang. While everyone else looked at the clock or at their wrists for the watch, you immediately pulled your hand down. Hyunjin watched you and slowly put his hand down.

While everybody else was distracted by the school bell and packing up their belongings to head to the next class, Hyunjin took the chance to lean to your ear and whisper, "Meet you after school".

You stumbled back, a shiver running down your spine and you were aggressively shaking your head and shooting a glare at him until he raised his occupied hand. The hand that was holding your camera.

"Unless you don't want this?" he mouthed, not voicing anything out.

You scoffed and scowled at him, giving him a single nod before turning your back on him to leave the classroom. Your eyes immediately met Jay's and you both started to converse while leaving, knowing that you two share the next class.

"Like Jay more than me?" he shot out, swinging the straps of your digital camera as he walked. You walked beside him, keeping your eyes on the camera to make sure he didn't accidentally drop it and he suddenly came to a halt, catching you off-guard and almost causing you to slip.

It was currently late evening, considering that your school ended later than usual today. You and Hyunjin were walking around in a more secluded area in the city that was still near the school, the place being dimly lit and fewer people being present.

Suddenly his body fully turned to yours, his hand lifting your chin up so you could look at him. Your eyes widened as you realised what he was doing, forming eye contact but remaining completely still.

"I asked you a question, darling."

You blinked your eyes at him in confusion, not realising that he had actually asked you a question after cautiously watching your camera that he was holding. You stuttered, "Huh? What? What question?".

"Do you like Jay more than me?" he questioned once more, his face darkening as he stared into your eyes and leaned closer. You gulped, wanting to jump off the earth as you immediately closed your eyes as the proximity increased. The weight of the question hung heavily in the air as the silence grew to be more unbearable. You slowly opened your eyes and were expecting to be met with an angry expression, but you are met with the opposite.

His eyes looked sad, and his eyebrows furrowed upwards. Your heart broke at his expression and you finally answered.

"No."

"Really?" his face lit up, his eyes blinking at you in elatedness. You were shocked to see that he wasn't angry or asking it repeatedly for reassurance but you weren't complaining. "Yeah. I like you more than Jay," you stated.

He flashed you a warm smile and cupped your cheeks, placing a soft kiss on your lips which caught you off-guard. It was almost a switch inside him flipped and he was happy all of a sudden. You felt as your heart started beating in a frantic rhythm, and blood started rushing to your face. You started to feel nervous and you flashed him an awkward smile, avoiding eye contact afterwards.

"Tell me more!" he leaned backwards, still looking at you. "Am I more handsome than him? More attractive?" he continued, clearly wanting your validation and you honestly found his jealousy adorable.

"Yes, you're more handsome than him, okay?" you reassured him, the warmth in your heart growing as your gaze went back to him. You took the time to notice his attire, his straight curtain hair parted into two different sections and a few strands of hair over his eyebrows. His looped silver earrings and necklace nicely complemented his skin tone, and his strong perfume filled the air.

He seemed overjoyed at your response, clearly wanting to hear more. "Am I the only guy in your life?".

Oh.

You blinked at him, slightly taken-aback to his sudden question. Was he the only guy in your life? I mean, technically yes, from how you two acted, but you two never.. had a label. You wanted to agree to his question, but you were reluctant. You answered back with a question, "Are you? You tell me."

He chuckled at your response before pecking your forehead and letting go of your face.

"Let's go."

You looked at him, feeling confused to where he meant but he took your wrist and started dragging you. "Where are we going?" you questioned, feeling genuinely clueless but he continued to drag you, not looking back to answer you.

"Nowhere."

You ended up in the subway with him, walking around the station as you both waited for the train to come. Your hand was interlocked with his, your arms swinging back and forth. There weren't a lot of people since it was starting to be late and the day after was still a weekday. You wanted to ask him so many things, like — when did he take your camera? When did he join the photography club? Since when did he actually know Jay?

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned, breaking your train of thought and causing you to gain back consciousness and look back at him. He had a soft expression, sincerity evident in his voice as he softly grinned at you.

"I have a lot of questions about today."

"Oh yeah? Spit."

"You had my camera the entire time?" you shot out the first question that had been at the back of your head for the entire day after you saw him in the club room. You were happy that your camera was with someone you knew, but you were confused about how he even got it. Sad too, that he practically stole it from you.

"Yeah. Took it while you weren't looking when I came over," he confessed, his tone showing no guilt or remorse. "So.. you deliberately took it without asking me?" "I guess so."

You weren't surprised, you were already used to this, just slightly upset that he didn't tell you first.

"But why?" you asked the part you've been eager to hear the most. "I wanted to make sure there weren't other guys."

'Is that so?' you thought to yourself.

"So did you find any other guys?" you asked. You knew you didn't have any photos of other guys in your camera, but you wanted to hear his response. "You're in the clear," he tilted his head upwards, giving you a downwards smile and his hair fell down to his temples from his forehead. "Must be fun invading my privacy, huh?" you wried, but at the same time you felt thrilled at the thought that he was being possessive.

He simply laughed at your comment, feeling guilty about your statement. He asked, "Shoot more questions, bet 'ya have more".

"You were in the photography club?" "Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You never asked."

Fair point.

You sighed at his comment, now realising that you don't know much about Hyunjin but it was a stark contrast when it came to Hyunjin's knowledge about you. It felt almost as if he knew everything about you, and it made you feel so vulnerable to him.

"You knew Jay?" you asked the final question.

Hyunjin hummed, indicating he was thinking before he nodded.

"You never told me you and him knew each other personally." "Once again.. you never aske—" "I know that, but you could've just said a simple 'Oh, him and I are club mates' or whatever."

You thought that Hyunjin only knew Jay because you brought up Jay multiple times and that you and him hung out in school. Jay and Hyunjin knowing each other personally was the last thing you expected, especially in a photography club.

"Well, now you know."

The train arrived, the sounds of the train railing in filling up the atmosphere in the train platform. You glanced at Hyunjin and he nodded, both of you walking at one of the doors where the train would open.

Both of you sat in the train, talking to each other and resting on each other. With your hand interlocked with his, his thumb slowly caressed yours and you felt at ease with him, forgetting about all of the relatioship's toxicity. Time passed by, both of you just sitting in the train accompanied by each other's presence as the train stopped at every stop, the cabins slowly emptying out as it became later.

There was endless chatter, laughter and bickering and before you realised, your train eventually reached the last station, the clock already striking past midnight. It was already time to go home since it was a school night, and you two had classes to attend to the following day.

Before you two parted ways, he spoke up, "Hey, about my question, what's your answer?". You flashed a perplexed look, trying to recall what question he had asked.

Oh, that question. You took a few seconds to think about it, feeling like your answer weighed heavily and required sincerity, possibly impacting whatever relationship you had with him.

Am I the only guy in your life?

"Yeah. You're the only guy."

Your response made him smile, and he took your hands into his, bringing you closer.

"It's the same for you, okay? You're the only girl in my life". Your heart melted at his words and you felt truly percepted. He continued while planting a kiss on your cheek "Goodnight, Y/N".

You watched as he walked away from you towards the opposite end of the station, entering the train which was practically desolated and your heart clenched as the doors watched, your eyes on him even as the train moves away. (You didn't want to admit it, but you were feeling upset that he wouldn't take you home, but you tried to brush the feeling away).

By the time you've reached home, it was already 3am. Upon opening your front door, you didn't even bother to turn on the lights, just heading straight to your room and flinging the door open. You felt exhausted, but recalling the quality time you spent with Hyunjin warmed your heart up (but a pinch of sadness because he didn't take you home).

You carelessly drop the bag onto the floor beside your table, a loud thump echoing through the room and you immediately shuffle your feet towards your bed, falling on it, your arms and legs widely spread as you stared at the ceiling, not even bothering to change your clothes first. Your room was completely dark, but the moonlight that entered through your window made certain areas in your room visible — though barely. Not only did you get to spend time with him, but knowing that your digital camera indeed didn't get lost assuaged your worries.

Wait.. Talking about your camera.. Did he even pass it back to you?

You immediately sat up, setting your feet on the floor before walking towards your light switch, making extra effort not to accidentally kick or trip over anything. Upon flicking the lightswitch, the sudden bright light caused you to flick your head downwards and shut your eyes. You slowly opened your eyelids as you gradually grew accustomed to the different lighting and you looked at the corner where you had placed your school bag when you reached home.

You quickly shuffled your feet towards your bag, unzipping the front pocket to see if there was anything, followed by the biggest pocket. Your anxiety grew as you slowly unzip, peeking your head into your bag. To your relief, your camera was resting nicely inside the big pocket on top of your school materials. You quickly snatched it out, inspecting the camera to ensure there were no scratches or dents, and luck was on your side because your camera was in perfect condition from the last time you saw it.

You released a sigh of relief and slouched your back, feeling as all the worry inside of you disappeared. You turned on your camera, wanting to quickly get the feeling of using your camera again after being so sure that you had lost it, and you wanted to quickly take a random shot.

Your bedroom could be considered neat. You were sitting beside the table that was at one corner with your laptop on it, a lamp and at the other side of the room was your bed, but your sheets were all ruffled up from a moment ago. You quickly shot your bedroom, hearing the camera click and a flash shooting through the room.

You pulled the camera away from your face, pressing a few buttons and quickly looking at the photo you took and smiled. You clicked buttons to see your other shots until you realised that there were photos that you don't recognise at all. And that's when you realise that Hyunjin has probably taken a few shots himself from when he deliberately stole your camera.

The first photo was a photo of.. you? And it was a shot of you talking to Jungwon and shaking his hand. This must've been when Jay brought you to the club room earlier.

Second, third, fourth shots were all him taking mirror selfies. There were more photos where he was intentionally making a stupid face and you giggled at his stupidity, your heart feeling warm that you had these photos for yourself, and you continued to click until you reached one photo.

It was a shot with the flashlight on, the photo slightly blurry. A girl could be seen raising her hand up to the camera, probably to block her face and as you inspected the photo more, you realised that there were purple marks visible down her jugular, causing you to gasp. You could physically feel your heart shatter as you continued to scan the photo, now zooming in and realising that the background of the photo seemed familiar.

You could make it out that it was Hyunjin's bedroom, and the girl was sitting up on the edge of his bed. Her hand had fully covered her face, leaving her identity unknown to you but all you could care about were the marks down on her neck.

You felt as nausea washed over you and your heart dropping. You knew that unless Hyunjin was a dickhead and shared your camera around, it had to be him who took that photo. You instantly turned off your camera and dropped it to the floor, not caring about the potential damages done to it and you just flicked the lightswitch to turn off the light. You threw yourself on the bed and nuzzled your face into your pillow, feeling as tears form in your eyes.

Tears slowly start to escape your eyes, feeling deeply betrayed by your discovery. The fact that that photo took a while to reach in your camera gallery just tells you that it's been a while since it's been in your camera, so how could Hyunjin treat you so nicely and restrict you from seeing other people when he goes out to meet people other than you? Heck, you didn't even have the thoughts to go down on Jay on the day you were supposed to go to the movies, but here Hyunjin was, marking others.

"'only girl in my life' my fucking ass, bro" you thought.

"Fuck you....." you mumbled weakly to yourself and your voice cracked as the image of Hyunjin's face appeared in your head when you closed your eyes. You whimpered, feeling as if the whole world just came crashing down and you continued to cry yourself to sleep until you eventually drifted into a deep sleep.

The bright sunlight crept into your room from your window without warning, and your eyes fluttered open as your nose felt congested and your eyes puffy. You groaned, feeling your body score and you rolled over to the other side of your bed where your phone was laying, and you checked the time.

11:28a.m.

You missed class, and typically you'd be panicking and immediately getting yourself ready for school, but not today. Today you were tired and you just needed the day to yourself — a day without school, interacting with people, and also a day without seeing Hyunjin. You picked up your phone from the nightstand and tried to turn it on, spamming the turn-on button repeatedly and realising that your phone was dead probably since you forgot to plug in your phone before going to sleep. That was probably why you didn't wake up, your alarm didn't even ring to wake you up —but it wasn't like you were going to get up anyways.

You sighed and turned to lay on your back, your arm resting on your forehead as you closed your eyes, recalling the reason you were even upset in the first place. It was such a lovely hangout with him last night and it felt as if you two became even closer, but now it felt like he was a completely different person to you.

Still holding your phone, you took a moment to reflect upon everything that has a moment and a bittersweet feeling ran through your veins. You sat up from your bed, looking around and still realising your digital camera on the floor. You set your feet on the floor and shuffled your feet towards the camera resting on the floor and picked it up, inspecting it for damages. Luckily for you it was still in perfect condition, but for now you just didn't want to use it — for now, you could only recall bad memories with it.

Walking to your table at the other corner of the room, you gently placed your camera down and plugged in your phone, seeing the charging screen. You released a heavy sigh and turned away from the devices, stretching your arms in the air and letting out a loud groan.

Did he take that photo intentionally? Were you not meant to see that photo? Would he message you and reassure you out of nowhere?

You slapped yourself for thinking about these questions. You didn't want to see him physically yet he was implanted in your mind, and it pissed you off.

Today, you were going to spend it on yourself. No one else, just you.

It was a nice day outside, beautiful even. The sun was out shining, the breeze brushing against your face and the streets being lightly occupied since the majority of the people were busy in school or work. You skipped down the street, feeling your hair blow as you smile at the different people you form eye contact with. Sometimes when other people return the smile it almost makes you forget how much your heart had been hurting. Keyword — almost. You look down at the pavement, releasing a loud sigh as the road beside you had cars driving past you at steady speeds.

You weren't just going anywhere, you were going to your comfort place. Your favourite cafe — Chronos Brews. You always bought the same pair of items, but maybe today you were going to get something different.

As you pushed the glass door open, the bells attached to the door chimed and while forming eye contact with the worker at the counter, you grinned at them. You strolled towards the counter and went face-to-face with the worker.

"Hey, what can I get for ya?" the male greeted, his Australian accent strong and your eyes shifted to his nametag that was hanging above his left chest pocket.

Sim Jaeyun.You have never seen him before, perhaps he was a new worker?

"Hey! Uhm.." you greeted and you trailed off, looking at the menu to search for something new. Once your eyes found an item you found interesting, you continued, “Could I get a New York cheesecake and a..” your voice trailed off as you eyes continued to scan the menu, “passion yoghurt smoothie?”. 

The male smiled at you and nodded, proceeding to press buttons on the cash register and looking up again afterwards. “That’ll be 11.90, cash or card?”

“Card.”

“Okay.” He smiled.

You sat on a vacant table, the cafe being emptier than usual since everyone else was at work or school. You never realised how calming it could be when you were in your favourite cafe with barely anyone else inside. Just you, the apparent new worker - Sim Jaeyun as well as another girl, sitting at one corner busied by her laptop. As you heard footsteps approaching you, you looked up and you were met with the worker holding up a glass cup containing yellow slush with a straw poking out, and a small plate which had your cheesecake accompanied by a mini fork. He set the food down on your table, and gave you a warm smile. 

“Good choice,” he suddenly spoke up, causing you to raise your eyebrows, “as in, your food choices. I like the passion yoghurt smoothie too.”

You smiled at him, “Just wanted to try something new today. I hope it’s good.”

“It will be, no worries,” he reassured, watching as you lean closer to the straw, sipping up with the drink. Your face immediately lit up, your eyebrows raising, your eyes slightly widening and a smile plastered onto your face, “You’re right, this is good”.

You continue to sip on the drink, the liquid level quickly dropping as he laughed at you. You lean back on your chair, and look at him again, “Say, I come here often but I’ve never seen you before”.

He quickly nodded his head, “Yup, just started a while ago. Usually take morning shifts, do you usually come in the afternoon?”.

You nodded your head, “Yeah I do. Makes sense why I’ve never seen you before”.

He suddenly raised one eyebrow, humming in thought. He asked, “No school or work? It’s a weekday morning” and you quickly shook your head. “I mean, I do still have school but.. Today’s my day.”

He nodded, understanding what you meant, “Well then, could I give you my number?”. You shot your gaze at him, caught off-guard by the sudden question and you raised your eyebrows. He continued, his face growing red as his eyes widened

“A-ah, not for any particular reason! You just kinda.. Seem cool, y’know? And if you need anyone to talk to..”. You laughed at him as you watched him aggressively shake his head and hands.

“Okay, sure, why not?” you giggled, handing your phone and watching as he nervously tapped his phone number, his hands slightly quivering.

After you got the new worker’s number, you left the cafe and went to different places, walking in a mall and buying things, walking in a park. It was a day out with yourself.

Must be fun, huh?

You came back home just a little bit before you ate dinner, and dropping all your bags from shopping, you immediately found your way to your room, picking up your phone and turning it on with high expectations. Your hope only crumbles when you realise that you do have notifications, but not from him. Not a single ‘Why didn’t you come to school today?’ or a ‘Are you okay?’ or if you were lucky, an ‘I’m sorry’.

Before you knew it, you were already grabbing your jacket from your closet, picking up your personal handbag from the floor and putting on your slippers, preparing to leave your house with one goal in mind - confronting Hyunjin.

He first wronged you by taking the photo of the girl, maybe it was intentional to make you jealous? Maybe it was unintentional, but you don’t know which one was first, but at this point you didn’t care. You were mad and wanted to hear it from himself, and if he wasn’t even going to reach out to you, you’re going to reach out to him first.

Standing in front of a door you’ve been in front of so many times, you anxiously knock on the wood, folding your arms as you wait for a response. Seconds felt like hours, and you felt the anxiety in you growing. Sweat rolled down your temples and you bit your lip, suddenly forgetting the words you rehearsed on the way to confront him when you actually saw him face to face.

Your head shoots up as you hear the door unlocking, watching as the door swiftly opens, revealing the man who has you wrapped around his finger. The man who puts you on an emotional rollercoaster, never once getting a break from how unpredictable he is. He looks bewildered at the sight of you, his eyebrows raising, eyes widening and his lips slightly parting, clearly speechless.

He takes a few seconds to process that you were right in front of you and finally breaks the silence, “Y/N? Why are you here?”.

You immediately frowned at his question.

Was he not going to ask how you were? Where were you instead of school? His words pricked your heart but you kept your head high, folding your arms as you lifted your head, “I saw the photo”. Features of confusion washed over him as he looked at you as if you were speaking alien language

“What phot-” “You have another girl you’re fucking with.”

His eyes immediately widened, blinking at you repetitively as he tried to find words to respond to you. “Y/N, what are you-”

“Don’t fuck with me, Hyun. I saw it in the photo in my own camera. A girl, on your bed, with hickies. You can’t tell me I’m hallucinating.” you emphasised ‘with hickies’, your chest finally feeling light as you finally let out the words you’ve been wanting to say ever since you saw that photo in the morning. 

You watch as he gives you a confused look, and it makes you feel stupid about yourself, almost doubting yourself.. “Y/N, do you seriously think of me like that?”.

“Hyun, don’t turn this around on me. I literally saw-” “Y/N,” he interrupted, his gaze softening as he tilts his neck, “you do remember I told you that you’re the only girl in my life, right?” “How the fuck is that relevant in this?!” you yelled. You quite literally couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

His shoulder relaxes, folding his arms, “I genuinely have no idea what photo you’re talking about. I did take photos on your camera, yes, but it was all photos of me, Y/N. Trust me, I never had a girl over, and if anything, the girl would only be you.”

“So you’re saying my eyes are lying to me?” “Yes. I genuinely have never taken any photos of girls, or even girls on my fucking bed. You know me Y/N, I only have eyes for you.”

“No Hyunjin, I literally saw-” “Y/N, please? I know this is serious but I’m really busy right now. Can’t you just forgive me?” He steps forward towards you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, his body now pressing against yours as he looks at you with a pleading expression. 

You want to pick up a fight against him. You want to stand your ground, and tell him that you know that what you saw was right. But the way he was pleading, the way his voice sounded so soft, the way he was looking at you so softly and holding you so gently, it made you think otherwise. You averted your gaze, suddenly having a pang of guilt hit you as you sucked the insides of your cheek, not daring to look at him.

“Look at me, please?” he used one of his hands to hold your chin and lift it up to meet your eyes. You looked back at him, your jaw tightened as the guilt grew. You notice how he eyes your lips and how he was gradually leaning closer and you shut your eyes, almost afraid for what was coming.

Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, however, the feeling was different. Typically, kisses with him would be intense, greedy and passionate, but this time it was slow and gentle. He was taking his own time as he slowly cupped your jaw to angle your head. His mouth moved slowly with yours, and you could feel yourself meaning.

As the kiss continued, you felt your anger for him slowly dissociate, your stomach being filled with butterflies and your chest feeling fuzzy as you finally wrap your arms around his neck to pull his face closer to yours. 

You had thoughts that you never wanted this to end, or that he was right, he would only pick you, but suddenly the image on your camera appears in your head again and it causes you to push him aggressively, breaking the kiss and his hold around you.

He looks at you flabbergasted, evidently bewildered as to why you suddenly pushed him away and you just spoke weakly, “We can’t do this..”. No matter how hard he tries, you know your eyes weren’t playing with you and that the photo was real, and you can’t kiss him or the greed for him and the pain would be worse.

“Hyunjin?” a high-pitched voice spoke out from behind Hyunjin, causing your heart to drop and your blood to go cold, already knowing what was about to come. As you averted your gaze from Hyunjin to the voice behind him, you saw it. You saw the girl in the camera, the same girl in your camera on Hyunjin’s bed with hickies all over her neck.

She had the same blonde straight hair, bangs that were slightly uneven and she was wearing an oversized shirt that you hated you recognised. It was a shirt you yourself wore multiple times.

You could now confirm that the girl was definitely in Hyunjin’s bed, and that all her hickies were definitely from Hyunjin herself. You were speechless, frozen, you were unable to do anything as your mouth remained agape, not being able to form words as your mind goes blank.

The silence between the 3 of you became extremely uncomfortable, and though no words were spoken, each second was like a knife piercing your heart and being twisted. 

You couldn't do this anymore. You can’t deal with this bullshit anymore. Without thinking, your palm swiped across Hyunjin’s cheek, a loud slap echoing the atmosphere as you scowled at Hyunjin.

You were done and you weren’t going to feel like you were just one of his toys he can use and throw away once he was bored. “Fuck you, Hyunjin,” was the last thing you said before you readjusted your bag on your shoulder and stormed away, not looking back. You could feel both of their gazes on you as you walked away, but you couldn’t care less, not wanting to face them again, or anymore. 

The only thing you could think about was Hyunjin and that girl. You were feeling so many emotions to the point it was overwhelming - humiliation, betrayal, anger. You felt so ashamed for actually believing that you were going to be the only girl in his life. So much for a relationship with no actual label, right?

Anger grew inside of you as you replayed the scene in your head repeatedly, wishing that you didn’t just slap him, but also yelled at him and put him in his place. Who was he to throw you around and treat you as if you were nothing? 

Fuck him. Fuck Hyunjin. He’s a fucking dickhead. 

You slowly tried to regulate your breathing, staring at the ceiling and occasionally shutting your eyelids as you tried to put your mind to something else. That girl can have him all she wants, and you were just done with him.

You needed to take your mind off of this, put yourself out there to forget about him, but what is there to do? Maybe you can hang out with a friend, listen to music, talk to new people, and what’s a good way to do all at once? A fun night at the club, of course.

Loud music plays through the speakers that surround the entire room, people being able to be spotted in every single corner, everyone having their different reasons for being there. Some want to hit up with others, some want to bond with their friends, some wanna have a drink, and some want to forget their miserable ex. In your case, it was all of the above.

You were walking past the crowd, trying to get past people and constantly angling your body to get through, and once you were finally at a corner with lesser people, you released a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. You were enthusiastic at the idea of going to the club, but now that you were actually here, the atmosphere was quite overwhelming.

There were people who were literally all over each other, making out with each other as if they weren’t surrounded by a hoard of people, people vomiting and drinking, and people who were just there to dance and vibe to the music. You took out your phone from your purse, nervously checked the chats with your friend and typed to ask them what they were.

Just as you sent a message, you felt a tap on your shoulder, causing you to jump and immediately shoot your head at the person tapping your shoulder, and you release a sigh of relief once you realise it was your friend. Sim Jaeyun, the worker you met at the cafe a while ago. He nervously laughed and scratched his neck as he blinked at you, “This was the last thing I expected when you asked me to go out.”

You laugh at his comment, his presence being a sense of reassurance in an atmosphere of people you didn’t know. You smiled at him, “Is this your first time at a club?”.

He ran his hand through his hair, huffing his breath and blowing his fringe, “I mean, no, but the last time I was here I was just stuck to my friend ‘cause I had no idea what to do..”.

Your eyes lit up at his response, “Right! Like you have no clue how to dance, or if you should talk to someone new, y’know?”. You felt even more comforted that someone was exactly like you, clueless on what to do when you were in the club.

The club was famous for letting people forget their emotions, but you only felt like you confronted your feelings more in the club. He shook his head aggressively, snapping his fingers and pointing at you “Exactly that!”.

As time passes by, you and Jake start to get to know each other, like how he owns a pet dog named Layla and how he loves building legos. You also learnt that he came from Australia (which was kinda obvious from his accent) and that he’s a music-freak - he knows how to play so many instruments that you can’t even name all. You two had bought drinks and were sitting on a table, just chatting as you both got to know each other.

“Hey, I gotta go to the toilet real quick, yeah?”. You gave him a quick smile and nodded, watching him as he stood up and left for the toilet. You relaxed on your seat and sighed, feeling happy that you had a night to get to know someone new, and it felt like forever since you’ve done that considering how much Hyunjin had restricted you.

As you folded your arms and stared into blank space, you felt an arm wrap around you and you immediately flinched, trying to shift away but couldn’t. You turned and saw a man, probably in his late 20s and your stomach drops, suddenly freezing and being unable to do anything. You could tell that he didn't have good intentions, his smug smile telling you everything as he eyed you up and down.

“What’s a pretty babe doing alone in a club like this, hm?” the man said, his tone confident yet sounding so suffocating and your breath hitched, unable to form words as you just stared at the man. 

“Why do you seem so uncomfortable?” he laughed out loud and you nervously laughed, your eyes constantly blinking as you looked down to your feet, feeling so small as he pulled you closer, feeling his warmth against your body.

You wanted to push him away, you wanted to scream at him for touching you but for some reason you just couldn’t do anything. Your heart was rapidly beating as your breathing picked up the pace, anxiety starting to grow inside you as you got nervous about what the man would do to you. 

“Baby, do you like this?” he suddenly put his hand on your thigh, making you gasp and hold your breath. Tears were forming in your eyes as you bit your lip hard, not realising the cut that formed.

“S-stop..” you softly cried out.

“Why baby? Don’t you like it?” his hand slowly traced up your thigh, and you were regretting wearing a skirt to the club. You felt the tears break free from your eyes and you shut your eyes, not being able to fight back. That was until you heard a loud thud beside you and his arm on your thigh being hastily removed.

You shot your eyes open to see what happened and saw the man holding his face as he was forced to turn to you. You looked up further and saw Hyunjin, panting and his face full of fury as he held up his fist, his position as if he just punched the man.

“H-Hyunjn..” you weakly called out, and for a second his gaze softened as he looked at you but was quickly averted to the man. You suddenly forgot all your hatred for him when you saw him again.

“Get. Your fucking hands. Off of her.” Hyunjin commanded, his eyes full of rage as his jaw clenched and his fists shaking, his fingers white from how tightly he was clenching his hands.

The man simply turned his gaze back to Hyunjin, chuckling slowly as he looked at Hyunjin’s expression, scoffing at the sight in front of him, his hand touching the spot on his face that got punched. “And why should I?” the man taunted and leaned back to you, his arm remained wrapped around your shoulders and you stiffened up further.

Hyunjin smirked and cracked his neck, the sounds being loud “You better listen before things get fucking messy, old man, now get your hands off of her. I won’t repeat myself again.”

The man shook his head and laughed, “Look man, I’m not trying to-”.

And before you knew it, the man got punched again and you gasped at the sudden action, your hands flying to your mouth. You noticed how there was now blood flowing out of the man’s nose, and that Hyunjin was tilting his neck and pulling up his sleeves, his eyes almost looking psychotic as he rubbed his fists, his gaze fixated on the man and watching his every move.

You looked at the man and he looked like he lost his mind, his grin so wide and he started to laugh uncontrollably, his head slowly turned back to Hyunjin. His arm slithered away from you and he stood up from the chair, walking up to Hyunjin. “Do you fucking know who you’re messing with?” the man threatened, his head tilted and Hyunjin simply stared down at him. 

Suddenly, Hyunjin grabbed his collar and heatbutted him, “Look, I don’t give a fuck about who you are, you touch my girl again I’m fucking killing you, got it?”. You were afraid that a fight was going to break out, but the man simply pushed away, lifting his hands as if he was surrendering and he shook his head, “I got you man, no need to be so fucking sensitive”.

The man was about to pat Hyunjin’s back to form a truce but Hyunjin gripped his wrists tightly and only glared at him, his glare being enough to tell him to fuck off and the man simply went away, glancing once more at you before he disappeared into the crowd.

“Y/N” he called out to you, his eyes still being full of fury as you stared at him. Deep down, you still hated him, but given that he just saved you from that situation, all you could think about was how grateful you were to him, how much you wanted to go back to him, how much you wanted him again. You stood up from your seat and walked towards him, saying nothing and pulling him into a tight embrace.

Upon coming into contact with you, he froze but after a few seconds you could feel his hands rest on your back, slowly caressing you as you found comfort in his hands, almost wanting to burst out crying from the situation you just experienced.

“Sorry, is this your boyfriend?” a voice spoke out and you immediately pulled back from the hug to see Jaeyun. Your eyes immediately widen and you start laughing nervously, not knowing how to respond. Hyunjin stepped towards the guy, clearly feeling threatened, “And who could you be?”. 

You immediately step in, “Hyunjin, this is Jaeyun, Jaeyun this is Hyunjin”. You nervously smiled and scratched your neck. Jaeyun was smiling at Hyunjin while Hyunjin was glaring at him. You realised that you needed to thank Hyunjin, and also that you and him needed to have a talk.

“Ha..ha.. Jaeyun, let's meet again another time, thanks for tonight,” you said as you grabbed Hyunjin’s wrist and started to pull him out. You looked over your shoulder as you started to walk out, watching as Jake smiled and said his goodbyes.

Once you and Hyunjin were out of the club, you and him stood under a streetlight, and you were now face to face with him. As you looked at him, you noticed his stern expression still being present. “Who is he and where did you meet him?” he questioned, his tone evidently displeased.

You were taken aback by how pissed he sounded, your anger for him slowly returning and overpowering your gratitude for him, “Now why does that matter when you literally had a girl over just a while ago, huh?”.

Hyunjin groaned while running his hand through his hair, biting his lip, “Look, I know you might not believe me but I broke it off with her?”.

“And how am I supposed to know if you’re lying or not?!” you yelled.

“I swear this time. I kicked her out that very day you saw her, blocked her and even broke it off.” he said, his tone sounding serious but you had no idea if you should trust him or not. 

“Look, you’ve lied to me once and you can do it again, Hyunjin,” you stated, your heart aching.

“No, please, I understand why you’re mad at me, and I’m a fucking dick for it, Y/N, but please just trust me this one time,” he pleaded, his gaze softening as he took a step towards you, his hand moving upwards to hold you by the waist but you slapped his hand away.

“Hyunjin, trust me, I really want to trust you, but I don’t want to constantly get disappointed and hurt again,” you spat out, “Do you know how hurt I felt when you literally lied to my face and that girl just appeared right behind you?”.

“And do you know how angry I felt when I saw you with that guy?!” he snapped, causing you to flinch. He noticed and his gaze softened, “I-I’m sorry-”

“I don’t give a fuck Hyunjin, you hurt me so much, do you think I care if you’re angry?” your voice cracked and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes as you relive the pain you felt just a while ago.

“Please Y/N, give me another chance, I promise you I won’t hurt you again,” he pleaded, sounding desperate as he took another step closer, your bodies almost touching as he looked at you. 

He continued, “Don’t.. Walk away from me.. Don’t walk away from me.. please..?” 

You shook your head, biting your lip, “Hyunjin.. I really don’t know..”. He cupped your cheeks and his eyes softened as he saw your hurt expression. He caressed your cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes looking at your facial features. 

“I’ll do anything it takes to earn your forgiveness again, please?” he pleaded once more and all you could wish for was your heart to stop beating so fast so you could think straight.

“Okay,” you replied, but it came out as a raspy whisper. “Can I.. kiss you?” he questioned, his eyes already on your lips as he slowly started to lean closer to your face. You nodded your head, afraid that you were making the wrong choice, but your heart longed for this, your heart longed for him, and at this point you weren’t even thinking about the consequences.

As his lips finally landed on yours, you felt the tears break free from your eyes. He angled his head for more access to your mouth and your hands grabbed his shirt, slowly pulling him closer. The kiss was hesitant, Hyunjin probably afraid you would’ve pushed him away or reacted negatively, but once you responded, he released the breath he never realised he was holding in.

His mouth moved so tenderly against yours, mouths moving in a similar rhythm as he tries to show you how much he loves you without any words. His hands slowly slithered down to your waist and pulled you impossibly closer, feeling his warmth against you and you could slowly feel yourself losing to this kiss.You knew you’d only get hurt over and over again if you were with him, but being with him just feels so right. His lips complemented yours so well, and the way you both always ran back to each other just proves that the feeling was mutual. 

You felt yourself growing breathless so you tapped his chest, signalling to pull back but he interpreted it different and only kissed you harder, causing you to form a muffled whimper as he kisses you more passionately, his lips moving more vigorously and he ran his lip on your bottom lip, silently asking for entrance and you obey. Your head was feeling fuzzy as he continued, slipping his tongue into your mouth and your tongues fighting in a fiery battle for dominance. He finally pulled back, panting heavily as he rested his forehead on yours and stared into your eyes intensely.

“Tonight, stay with me, okay?” he pleaded, his eyes soft as he continued to pant, his lips agape. You nodded, your heart about to burst from how fast it was beating. You stared at him, noticing the bruised spot on his cheek from your slap and you caressed the spot lightly, feeling guilty for it

Few days after the incident at the club, you and he became close again, reverting back to your old non-labelled relationship, your kisses being more passionate and your greed for each other being increasingly evident.

Today, he wanted to have a game-night with his boys and also invite you over, wanting your presence around him even as he hung out with his friends.

Maybe he was improving, since back then he wouldn’t even want to bring you near his friends from the fear of them finding out that you two were a thing.

Maybe now that he was more open to his friends seeing you and him together, he was serious about you, and maybe he’d be asking you out soon. Who knows? 

Your heart flutters at the thought, thinking about all the different ways he would ask you out. Maybe he was going to do it while the other boys were around. Maybe another day, and he’d gift you a bouquet of flowers? Maybe a romantic dinner - the list goes on and on, but you just couldn’t wait to make it official with him.

Game night he said. His friends were sitting around you on the couch as 4 of them hold up Switch controllers, all of them yelling at each other as they stare intensely at the screen, trying to get the task in the game done.

In the room there was Chan, Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and of course, Hyunjin himself. Since there were only 4 controllers, everyone but you and Seungmin was playing, and you just awkwardly watched as they continuously shout random call-outs to each other. Seungmin was to your left, and Hyunjin was to your right, your legs in physical contact.

Being aware that Hyunjin was too occupied with the game, you looked at Seungmin who was attentively watching the screen, and feeling your gaze on him, he quickly looked back at you to form eye contact. He gave you a small grin and greeted you, “Hey Y/N”.

You knew Seungmin but never really talked to him even in class since he was always around other people. At other times, he was around Hyunjin, and you and Hyunjin never really talked publicly for.. many reasons, of course. This was the first time you actually had the opportunity to talk to him properly, and you mirrored the smile, greeting him back.

“Hey, Seungmin”.

You knew that even if he hung out with Hyunjin who could be a bad influence, Seungmin’s kind heart still remained, and your impression on him always remained positive from the times you see him in class. “How are you?” you questioned, feeling less awkward as you finally find someone to chat to while the others are busy with their game.

“Been okay, just been having my usual baseball practices, class been tough lately, you?”, he replied, the soft smile never leaving his face. You looked around the room and hummed like you were thinking and you shrugged, “Just been the same, I recently managed to find my lost camera so that’s great”. Upon saying that, you glanced at Hyunjin who was still chaotically playing his game, holding his fist up to cheer once they managed to finish their mission. 

“Is that so? Must be nice finding something you lost,” “I agree,” someone to your right voiced out, feeling an arm wrap around your shoulder as they pulled you closer. You looked to your right and made eye contact with Hyunjin, him giving you a smug expression as you glared at him since he was the culprit.

“Say, wanna play Y/N? I bought a new game earlier this week, I think it’s pretty fun” Hyunjin questioned, his smug expression never leaving his face as your eyes softened, and you slowly nodded your head, “Why not?”.

Next thing you knew, you were holding the console and chasing after Hyunjin in the game. Apparently, the game name was 'Cops N Robbers’, and you scream at him from all the tactics he uses to juke you. The game setting was in prison, and you were the cop while he was the robber. There were snickers from the other boys who were also playing, finding it hilarious how naive you were to games and how Hyunjin could easily trick you. 

“Y/N, don’t you think this reminds you of us?” He suddenly blurts out in the middle of his laughter. Still furious, trying to chase him, pressing the buttons aggressively “What the hell do you mean? Just get back here!”.

Hyunjin continued to laugh, “Like how you always chase me, y’know!”.

Your fingers stop moving on the console, taking the time to straighten your posture and look him in the eye. He sensed your gaze on him and he did the same, leaning back on the couch to give you his mischievous expression that you had a love-hate relationship with. Your face turned sour as you immediately understood his implication, and the corner of his mouth curved up while raising his eyebrows.

“It’s not one-sided, Hyun, it’s mutual,” you stated, your tone dead serious.

Hyunjin simply smiled, his eyes practically lighting up, “I know.”

You excused yourself after a while to use the restroom, needing a moment to yourself and as you finished washing your hands, you walked down the hallway and heard the other’s voices while wiping your damp hands on your shirt. You felt uneasy as you recalled the conversation you had earlier with him. ‘Like how you always chase me’  ‘I know’

So he knows that the two of you are after each other. Wouldn’t that mean that there is something special then? Maybe.. there is a need for establishment?

You stared into blank space, their voices gradually getting louder as you get closer, their words falling on deaf ears until you heard something that stood out to you. 

“Are you guys seriously not going to get together?”

You feel your body turn cold and you instantly halt to a stop. You stopped breathing as if they would be able to hear you, and you slowly shuffled your way closer to be able to hear their conversation better. You peeked into the living room, seeing the back of their heads while seated on a couch, still playing. 

You saw Seungmin avert his head to Hyunjin, “Yeah, seriously, the way y'all look at each other is insane.”

Seungmin wasn’t wrong. Your eyes then went to Hyunjin, though it was only the view of the back of his head, hopeful that his response would be something you wished for.

“Why do we need a label?”.

Oh. He continued, “Her and I are fine as we are now, we don’t need a label.”

Your heart dropped, shattered, sunk. His words were like a knife that just stabbed you in the heart, and it definitely was the opposite of the response you desired. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t hurt, but maybe he was right. Maybe a label is not needed, maybe you were just too expectant.

You instantly turned your back and sprinted back to the toilet, not caring if you were making noise. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you were not about to cry. Not now.

The boys had probably noticed your presence from the sounds you made as you shut the toilet door shut, looking into the mirror and turning on the faucet to wash your face.

One half of you was telling you that you should stop hoping, while the other half was telling you to establish what the both of you were,, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Fuck it. You’ll ask him later. 

You stared at your own reflection on the mirror, the features of worry taking over as you bit your lip, praying for the best. If not, you were praying you’d be able to take his response well. You didn’t know which was scarier - losing him or yourself in the process.

“Hyunjin, don’t you think you’re too obsessed with that camera? It’s literally all you ever hold nowadays..” Seungmin grumbled, holding onto Hyunjin who was trying to pull his arm back. Seungmin pulled Hyunjin into the crowd of people, loud music blasting from the speakers that were placed at every corner of the place, people dancing and getting all over each other.

It was a sight that Hyunjin wasn’t unfamiliar with, but a sight that he wasn’t that uncomfortable with. The room was slightly dark, the disco lights flashing rainbow colours and Hyunjin sighed, wishing he was anywhere else but at the club. 

“Now why’d you drag me here again?” Hyunjin grumbled, looking around the room, probably finding something he could photograph. He brought the camera to his eyes, angling it around to find something that could be photographed, whether it was the crowds of people dancing, or the sofa area where people were getting messy with each other.

“You’re such a fucking loser, y’know? Stuck in your room all day, get a girlfriend for fucks sake,” Seungmin hissed, sick of his best friend having an image of a loser. 

“What’s the point? Relationships are so troublesome,” Hyunjin complained, still shifting his body to find anything to photograph until his camera is directly pointed to you, standing at one corner, talking  to one of your girl friends and he accidentally snapped a photo, the flash turning on and he immediately tried to cover the flash with his hand, bringing the camera down frantically.

“Who’re you taking a photo of?” Seungmin followed the direction that Hyunjin was looking at, his eyes landing on you laughing with your other girl friends and he sighs.

“No one, it was an accident,” Hyunjin spat out, clearly flustered that he almost took a photo of a stranger. 

“Are you interested in her?” Seungmin suddenly questioned, causing Hyunjin to choke on hair, putting his hand on his chest as he tried to stop coughing. Seungmin shook his head and patted his friend’s back, helping him to let all the air out.

“It’s okay to be interested. I’m kinda grateful you found something else other than your camera interesting for once,” Seungmin teased, watching Hyunjin recover and stand back straight.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “Who is she?”. Seungmin smirked at his question, “That’s Y/N, she’s in the same class as me.”

“Is that so?” "Yeah, you like her?" Seungmin turned his neck to him, smirking at the boy. "Yeah."

After Hyunjin said goodbye to the boys at his apartment door, the sounds of the door closing and feet shuffling towards you could be heard. Your eyes were closed, head resting against the cushion of the couch as you folded your arms for extra warmth, and you felt a weight sink you down on the couch beside you. You felt an arm wrap around your shoulders, pulling you to lay on their shoulder and you inhaled a familiar scent, a scent that drove you crazy without fail.

You opened your eyes and looked up at Hyunjin who had his gaze locked onto you, his gaze dark as he scanned your features slowly. Your eyes, nose, lips, and he also studied your behaviour, noticing how you mirrored his actions and how your chest was rising up and down at a slow but steady pace.

His expression was unreadable - as usual, and the amount of thoughts that fill your head became overwhelming. No words were spoken, and you had no idea what was going to happen now that you and him were alone. So many questions you wanted to ask, and you were so afraid that if you said the wrong thing, he was going to slip away. 

“What are you thinking about?” he spat out, finally breaking the silence between the two of you.

You hum in thought, thinking about the right words while looking into his eyes, your eyes flickering to his lips every once in a while and you finally respond, “Us”. It took a lot of confidence for you to confess that, and you bit your lip anxiously, almost instantly regretting it as you thought about how he would react to it. 

The way your eyes constantly flickered to his lips didn’t go unnoticed, and the corner of his mouth curves up, his hands snaking down from around your shoulders to your waist,  bringing you to closer proximity as he leaned in, “What are you talking about, Y/N?”. 

His hot breath hits your lips, his eyelids halfway closed as you finally shoot the question that you’ve been dying to ask, “What are we?”.

In almost an instant, you could feel the mood of the atmosphere change. Hyunjin's breath hitched, leaning backwards and he looked at you, his expression still unreadable.

You loved how handsome he was, but you absolutely despised how you could never read him, never predict how he felt or what he was going to do next. Your eyes fell on his lips, watching how it was opening and you were anticipating his answer.

“It’s late, you should go home,” his tone shifted, sounding cold and distant. “What?” you looked at him, your eyes widened as you felt bewildered at his response. Is that even considered a response?

“You must be tired, let’s talk soon, yeah?” He moved back, removing his arm around your waist as he folded his arms, his gaze averting to the light above the two of you.

“Hyun-”

“I’m tired, Y/N, I can’t bring you home, sorry, I’m going to sleep now, goodnight.”

You watched as he stood up from the couch, the weight beside you disappearing. He was so evidently avoiding eye contact and he started to walk towards his room. Before he could step into his room, you stood up and blurted out, “I heard your conversation earlier!”.

He suddenly freezes, a few moments of silence before he turns around, his eyes finally meeting yours. “It’s not important, I don’t want to talk about it,” he firmly stated. This time, you could tell that he looked uncomfortable, angry even. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was sucking the insides of his cheeks, his jaw clenched.

This sight of him was like another knife added to your heart, and you bit your lip as you slowly nodded, “Okay.”

You didn’t know if it was appropriate, but you spoke up, “Goodnight, Hyun.”

You turned your back on him, picking all your things on the couch before pacing for the door, and as soon as you stepped outside, you slammed his front door shut. Once you were outside, you exhaled as if you were holding in a large amount of air and you leaned against the door, rethinking about what you just asked.

The thing you just asked may have just potentially ruined your entire relationship and you wanted to beat yourself up for it, wanting to turn back time and keep your mouth shut, but whatever’s been done is done, and you just have to wait and see what happens.

Before you knew it, it was the start of a period where he didn’t contact you. Like, at all.

Heck, he even avoided you like the plague. On campus whenever you’d see him, he’d notice you then turn the other away, pretending like he didn’t see you at all. You’d go to the photography club to see him more often and on days you were lucky, he was there, but he’d be occupied talking to someone else.

You’d patiently wait until he was finished conversing with the person but when he was done, he would find an excuse to leave as soon as possible. And every single time he did, he had this unpleasant expression on his face. It was the same one you saw the night you dropped the question on him, and you watched him slip away from you.

With Hyunjin practically gone from your life, you had more free time to hang out with Jay, but everytime you were with Jay on campus, you’d always catch Hyunjin staring at the two of you in your peripheral view, immediately looking away once eye contact was formed.

If you were going to be honest, you felt like shit. Were you seriously in the wrong for wanting to establish something? Wanting to make things official?

The first few days, you cried your eyes out, burying yourself in your blanket and feeling regretful for asking him in the first place. You constantly checked your phone for any notifications from him and reread your past chats to relive the past emotions. Once you even called him on accident, your face going cold but before you could drop the call, he had already rejected it.

Talk about brutal. 

When Hyunjn was gone from your life, your life became peaceful, but was it really peaceful when he intentionally did it without warning? You eventually accepted it, limiting the amount of times you open your chats with him and looking out for him in the hallways. 

3 weeks fly by, and you were so convinced that you’ve moved on from him - except you didn’t.

You tried finding the spark in other guys, like Jay, but your heart never melted for him the same way it did for Hyunjin. Your eyes never scanned the room for him like you did for Hyunjin, and you never checked your phone for his notifications like you did for Hyunjin. 

What made it worse was that even with Hyunjin avoiding you, he was always somehow around you. Always. 

In your favourite cafe whenever you were about to leave, you’d feel someone’s gaze on you and when you look up, you'd accidentally make eye contact with someone and it would've been him. He was definitely watching you the entire time you were there and you remained clueless about it.

Another time when you were eating lunch with Jay, you saw him at the corner of your eye, watching as he sucked his inner cheek and clenching his jaw. 

You felt so many emotions. You felt upset and humiliated because you realised you were being toyed with, longing because you missed his touch and also satisfaction from the way he seemed jealous whenever you were with someone else and that he was always watching you.

It was as if you won the game, having him wrapped around your fingers and following you around like a dog, watching your every move. No matter how much you were in love with him, you were satisfied that you were getting under his skin and getting a reaction out of it, you loved seeing him pissed. It was difficult, but it used up every muscle in you to not lose self-respect to contact him again, whether it was by approaching him in real life or texting him.

You were sitting in front of your mirror, the air conditioner on, windows shut and the room dimly lit as you do your skincare, your thoughts drifting to Hyunjin when you suddenly get a notification.

As you swiped up a fair amount of moisturiser from the container into your index and middle finger, you looked at the direction of where your phone was facing downwards and shrugged it off, thinking that the message can be attended to after your self-care session. You applied the cream on your face, ensuring that each area on your face had equal amounts of it when your phone ding-ed again.

And again.

You raised your eyebrows and rushed to spread the cream evenly on your face, curious to who could be messaging you at this time at night. You hurriedly wiped the remaining cream on your neck as you quickly picked your phone up. You were expecting a spam notification from one of those brands you forgot you subscribed to, or maybe a message from Jay or Jake, but it was one you were never expecting.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : hey im outside

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : open the door 

Your eyes widened as your head shot forward in disbelief. You didn’t know if he was joking and was about to just turn your phone off until another one came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : please

Next thing you know, you swung your apartment door open to reveal a Hyunjin who was panting, probably from running, his leather jacket wrapped around his wide figure and you eyed him up and down, not believing the sight in front of you. You knew that you were going to see him again, but you never expected it to be at his own accord. Your jaw dropped slightly, your eyes scanning his entire figure.

“I’m cold, can I please go inside?”

Still slightly confused, you nodded your head slowly and moved aside, gesturing for him to go inside and he gave you a small smile, stepping in and you closed the door as he entered. You watched as he removed his shoes and placed it at the rack at the spot he usually places it.

Without looking back, he stepped into your living room as if he hadn't ignored your existence for  3 whole weeks.

You quickly followed behind him, watching his every move. It almost felt unreal that Hyunjin himself was in your living room, walking around. He set himself down on your couch, a loud sigh leaving him and he pursed his lips, looking up at you. Eye contact with Hyunjin wasn’t new, but with the thing of him ghosting you, you almost thought you were dreaming. You stared at him with your mouth slightly agape, your eyes not blinking even once as he chuckled.

“Why.. are you here?” you finally mutter out the question that confused you the most.

“I missed you,” he replied with no hesitation.

You were taken aback at how easily he could just show up at your place out of nowhere and just admit he misses you after ghosting your entire existence for a long period of time. 

“What the fuck?” you blurted out, features of disgust taking over you.

“Look, I know I ignored you, okay? But-” “Yeah, you better have known you fucking did.”

He sighed, looking down and leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees and hands clamped together before continuing, “I just needed time. Time for myself.”

“For what exactly?” you shook your head in disbelief.

“I don’t know, my head was just.. Kinda all over the place,” there was a moment of silence before he continued, “I’m here because I want to make it up to you.”

“I’m not forgiving you so easily, Hyunjin. You threw me away too easily for 3 whole weeks.” “You’re counting?” “Of course I am, dipshit!” you shot and he only shook his head, a playful smile on his face indicating he wasn’t taking you seriously.

“I know it won’t be easy, but just give me another chance, hmm?” he pleaded, his eyes lighting up as he looked up at you, flashing a small pout. 

You cross your arms, biting your lip as your mind gets flooded with so many thoughts. You wanted to forgive him, but you were afraid he was going to throw you away again. You wanted to shut him out, but you feel empty without him. “You can’t just leave and expect me to accept you into my life so easily,” you shot, feeling overwhelmed that you had to make a decision.

He stared at you in silence, so many thoughts behind his eyes before he suddenly held his hand up, “Let’s go on a walk”.

You tilted your neck, “Are you crazy?!’. You turned your head to look at the clock hanging near you, “It’s literally past midnight, Hyunjin!”.

“I know,” he replied, with no emotions in his voice. “I’ll bring you to eat your favourite,” he added.

“It’s cold outside,” you gave another excuse. He immediately unzipped his jacket, discarding it from his body and offered it to you. You shook your head in disbelief, “I just can’t-”.

“Please? Pretty sure your favourite cafe is still open, and I know a few photography spots if you wanna bring your camera along,” he asked again, his words so tempting. You sighed, not believing what you were going to say next, “Fine”.

That night, he brought you out to Chronos Brews, treated you to anything you wanted and you two eventually started to talk again, though you had your guard up.

You brought your camera and he really did bring you to a few photography spots that were amazing despite it being night time. You did this once.

And twice.

Thrice.

A fourth time wouldn’t hurt right?

He was now the one frequently messaging you, double-texting (sometimes even triple) and calling you at night just to hear your voice, and facetime you just to see your face. He even brought you flowers on a random occasion and you two went to school together, frequently heading to the photography club to chill together afterwards and hanging out afterwards. It was like how it was before, but you saw him even more frequently and you had no idea if it was a good or bad thing. But as long as your heart feels happy, right?

Frequently when you were with him, you’ve always felt a bit scared that he would just slip away again, part of you thinking it was because you asked the question but you tried to brush it off, thinking that you were just overreacting and that you should just be happy with whatever you have now. 

Everything is so perfect now, why ruin it because of your overthinking?

You laid in his bed, his arms wrapped around you as he gently caressed and patted your back, his touch making you feel sleepy. The past few days have been amazing. Hyunjin was now doing everything that a boyfriend would do - bringing you more flowers, playing songs on his guitar for you, calling you every night just because he wanted to hear your voice and see your face, acting intimate with you even in the public eye.

He surely seemed more serious about you, wanting to show everyone that you belonged only to him, glaring and threatening anyone else who showed signs that they wanted to hit on you or even befriend you. You looked up at him, the way his eyes were closed and his bangs were covering his eyebrows, looking so peaceful.

You could tell that he was gradually falling asleep from how his hand movements got slower and weaker, and you only stared at his features, softly giggling to yourself about how cute he looked. His chest rose up and down slowly, his body completely relaxed with you in his arms and you could only wish that you and him could stay like this forever.

Sitting on his couch, your eyes were glued to his bare back as he stood at his kitchen sink, washing the dishes after you and him had eaten dinner together. You softly smiled, feeling comforted by his presence, finally feeling like he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“Hyun,” you softly called out, and he hummed in response, his head slightly turning over his shoulder as he continued to wash the dishes.

“Come here, quick,” you pleaded, wanted to feel his warmth again and he chuckles, nodding his head but not sparing a glance at you. You observed as he finished washing the dishes, placing the plates on the drying rack and washing his hands before he turned his back, eyes forming eye contact and he approached you with a small grin on his face.

He sat himself beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to his chest, “Miss me that much?”. You giggled and nodded your head, ruffling your head into his neck. 

“Hyun,” you softly called out, your heart starting to beat faster as you mustered up courage to shoot the question again.

You continued, “Can I ask you a question?”. He hummed, caressing your shoulder with his thumb, and you shot your gaze at him, looking at him with doe eyes. 

“What is it, Y/N?” he smiled down at you, his eyes filled with affection. Looking at how comfortable he was, it warmed up your heart and made your chest feel fuzzy, butterflies filling your stomach and you couldn’t help but feel that your feelings were being properly reciprocated. 

“Promise me you won’t get mad?” you asked, suddenly feeling hesitant. You had faith that he wouldn’t get angry anymore from how much the two of you have been bonding the past few weeks, but you still felt dubious since you remember how fast he switched up the last time you asked him the question. You were afraid he was going to slip away again, but you were hoping that this time he’d react differently.

“As long as it’s not that one dumbass question, I won’t,” he chuckled and your heart instantly dropped. Your smile started to fade and you blinked at him in confusion,

“What ‘dumbass’ question are you.. Referring to?”.

“That stupid ‘what are we’ question or whatever you asked last time,” he spoke, the smile on his face remaining which caused your heart to shatter. Even after all this time with you, he still didn’t want to establish anything and even called the question ‘stupid’.

You immediately pulled away from him, features of hurt on your face as it was now his turn to be confused, the warmth he felt from you slowly disappearing. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and the way he was so clueless made you feel so irritated, “Oh..” he now understood your reaction, “Don’t tell me you were going to ask that shit again..”.

“I don’t see what’s so ‘stupid’ about it, Hyunjin” you spat out, frowning your eyebrows as you felt a knife stab your heart.

“No-” he seemed flabbergasted by your response and scoffed, “I don’t see what’s so important about knowing what we are, Y/N,” his words twisted the knife in your heart, and you clenched your fists, your fingers turning paper white from how tightly you were clenching them, “Can’t we just be happy as we are? Don’t you think it’s fun?”

“It’s not fucking fun, Hyunjin!” you snapped, and his eyes widened, taken aback that you raised your voice at him. He stared at you, his jaw dropped and his eyes darkened, his eyes expressing how infuriated he felt.  You continued, “I’m worried every single fucking day that you’re going to just suddenly slip away one day, Hyun,” you bit your lip and your voice started to crack, “Why don’t you want the same thing? After everything?”.

He took a deep breath and turned away for a second, huffing air afterwards and causing his bangs to fly up. “Do you realise how much of a clingy, annoying bitch you sound right now?!” he yelled, causing you to flinch. Your eyes widened as you realised what he said, bewildered that he could say such degrading words to you. You both stared at each other, the weight of the air being heavy and the knife in your heart twisting even more now.

“Clingy.. Annoying.. Bitch?” you repeated, your voice soft and in disbelief as you still needed to process what he said to you.

“I thought you were different, Y/N, it was more fun when you weren’t worried about all these shitty things,” he continued, and you shook your head. “Since I’m not so fucking different, then I can just walk out right now, can’t I?” you stood up from the couch, your body still fully facing him as you kept your guard up in case he tried to do anything to you. 

“Fuck, just go! I don’t give a fuck!” he yelled and you could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you weren’t crying. Not right now, not in front of him. You weren’t going to let a dick break your heart and make you feel sad. You flashed him a hurt expression and almost in a snap, his facial expression softened, “Wait- Y/N- I didn’t mean tha-”

“I’ll go since you want me gone so bad,” you stormed to his room to take the bag that was laying on the floor, looking around to ensure you left nothing behind. He quickly followed behind you, trying to get you to look at him, “Y/N, please look at me”.

You ignored all his pleads, not even sparing him a glance as you walked past him out of his room, already heading straight for the door. He grabbed your wrist and you stopped moving, “Please, I didn’t mean that Y/N and you know that”.

You flicked his hand away from your wrist, turning your body to look at him, tears already breaking free from your eyes as you shouted, “I’m fucking sick of being treated just as one of your toys! I’m done Hyun, I don’t wanna see you anymore!”

“I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean it-”

“I’m done. I’m done with.. whatever we have!”

You turned your back to him, heading straight for the door. This was the moment you’d never thought you’d be experiencing so soon. You were so afraid of the day that this was going to happen, and now that it happened, you had no idea how to feel. You opened his front door and looked at him one more time before stepping out and slamming the door shut. 

The day you left, he tried to contact you multiple times, whether it was call, text, going to your house, approaching you in school, but you brushed him away every single time. You didn't want to deal with his bullshit anymore, but he wanted you to let you understand his perspective. The last time you saw him, he mentioned a time, date and location. You had the choice to go, but you didn't know if you were going to meet him. You didn't know if you were ready or if it was worth hearing it.

That day eventually came, and you were just hugging your pillow, all cozy in your bed. Your phone vibrated and you lazily rolled over your bed to pick it up and see what notification you received. Your heart aching when you realised it was from him, a feeling you were so familiar with.

hwangjin : hey

hwangjin : you remember we're meeting up right?

You knew that if you went, it could possibly be the end of everything. A part of you was so afraid of what he was going to say. You were about to turn off your phone until more notifications came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i'm really sorry, okay?

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i really hope you come

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : give me a chance to explain myself

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : okay?

You received another notification which broke your train of thought.

Weather Alert: 🌧️ Heavy Rain Expected! 🌧️ Get ready for showers! Rain is expected to start within the next hour and continue throughout the evening. Make sure to carry an umbrella and stay safe.

"Y/N!" the familiar voice called out to you, and you scanned around the cafe until you spotted the figure that was aggressively waving his hands and looking at you.

You sighed at the sight of him, not looking forward to the conversation you two are going to have. You took your time to walk to him, dragging the chair opposite of him and sitting yourself down, his eyes locked onto you and watching your every move.

You set your eyes on the table, realising how all your favourite items from the menu were nicely set down and you looked up at him, noticing his guilty expression.

"I.. bought your favourite!" His voice sounded nervous, and you looked at the classic New York cheesecake that was served on a nice small rounded plate, accompanied by the usual passion yoghurt smoothie that was packaged in a plastic cup, a small amount of whipping cream overflowing from the hole of the dome lid.

You raised your eyebrows at him, praying that whatever explanation he had would be convincing enough and make your anger for him perish.

You pick up the small fork that was resting on the plate and stab the cake, putting the cake to your mouth and chewing. You didn't say a single word, you wanted him to do all the talking so you could evaluate to see if he was even being serious about wanting to clear up the misunderstandings you both shared.

You savored the sweet taste that filled your taste buds as you continued to eat on the cake, patiently waiting for him to speak up.

"Y/N..." your eyes travelled to his, raising your eyebrows as you anticipated what he was going to say. "I love you."

You dropped your fork to the floor, creating a loud metallic sound across the entire cafe. You received glances from other people, but they quickly went back to their business. You blinked at Hyunjin in disbelief to what he had just confessed, and your mind that was overflowing with thoughts suddenly cleared up.

His confession didn't particularly make you feel overjoyed, just shocked. You'd be lying if you said you would have expected this.

"You.. love me?" you blurted out, still feeling taken aback by his sudden confession when you were expecting him to do anything else, like apologise or whatever.

"Yes. Yes I do," his voice sounded serious. You were never expecting the day that Hyunjin, your situationship, was going to be direct with his feelings and not fucking around.

"How so?" you shot out, curious as to his reasons on why he 'loves' you. A soft thunder accompanied your question, adding more suspense to the situation.

He looked slightly taken aback by your sudden question before he cleared his throat and looked around, blood rushing to the tips of his ears and a hint of pink flashing.

"I.. love the way you look so gorgeous" he hesitated, but he looked relieved after mustering up the courage to voice it out. You didn't feel satisfied one bit. You only felt annoyed at his answer, scoffing upon hearing it. "Okayyy? That's all?".

He seemed slightly puzzled as to how the first reason wasn't sufficient, but he cleared his throat and continued, "I like the way you kiss me.. hug me..". You rolled your eyes, not feeling a pinch of sincerity in his words and you sat back, folding your arms.

"Are you serious right now?" you scowled. Even a kid in elementary school could show more sincerity than Hyunjin, and this thought made you just want to slap him and leave him.

"Why wouldn't I be, Y/N?" he asked, giving you the puppy eyes before you roll your eyes once more, the annoyed feeling slowly turning into irritation. You spat out, "Let's be serious, Hyunjin. You're only with me for fun". A louder thunder was followed by your words, the sound of rain dropping commencing.

His facial expression immediately showed that he felt offended, and he defended himself, "If I was only with you for fun, I wouldn't be thinking about you every fucking second!".

'Now that's what I'm talking about.' you thought.

He continued to rambled on, "I wouldn't be imagining you while messing around with other people, or—"

"Okay, so what are we?"

He fell silent but he continued to stare at you, noticing the grimace on your face. He finally spoke up after a while, "We're friends".

'Ouch,' you thought.

"So we're friends that hug, kiss and get jealous over each other?" you contradicted his statement, your tone filled with sarcasm.

"Friends with benefits?" he stated, almost sounding confused and it made you want to scream at him.

"No.." you stood up from your chair, taking your belongings and he mirrors your actions, immediately standing up and panicking and feeling puzzled as to why you were preparing to leave. "Y/N—"

"No. I don't want to do this anymore." you stated, tears slowly forming in your eyes as you shot a glare at Hyunjin. He bit his lips and seemed unsure of what to do, and this sight of him broke your heart even more.

You picked up your bag, storming out and upon opening the front door of the cafe, you soon realised that it was pouring heavily, but it was the least of your concerns. You stepped out into the rain, feeling the cold water hit your skin and you shivered at the contrast in temperatures from inside and outside of the cafe.

You heard a voice behind you, "Wait, please!". You knew it was him, and it took every part of you to just not turn around and just continue walking, but you were forced to a stop when he gripped your wrist tightly to prevent you from walking even further. "Please.. can we just please talk?".

"I'm just.. so fucking confused! What the hell are we?!" you cried out, throwing his hand and turning your body to him, your tears continuously running down your cheeks but blending with the raindrops that fell onto your face. Your face wrinkled up, feeling so furious yet the emptiness in your heart yearning so much for Hyunjin.

Hyunjin's gaze softened at you, his eyes showing remorse as he cupped your cheeks, pecking your forehead before resting his forehead on yours. You continued, "I don't see a point in this, you already stated clearly that we're just friends with benefits, you don't want a label, but that's exactly what I want, Hyunjin".

"You love me, and I love you, so I don't see why it's so hard to—" you rambled on but your words were quickly put to a stop when he placed his lips on yours. Your hands immediately snaked up to his scalp, grabbing his hair while he cupped your cheeks, pulling your face closer to him. The kiss was slow and intimate, and it was almost like all your problems and misunderstanding vanished in one second.

The rain continued to pour, both of your bodies getting increasingly drenched but it was a problem that didn't bother you and Hyunjin. The warmth that was filling your bodies was sufficient, and the burning desire for each other only brought the two of you closer.

He tilted his neck in desperation to gain more access to you. He softly nibbled on your bottom lip, silently asking for permission for you to open your mouth, and without any reluctance, you opened your mouth.

Your tongue is immediately met with his, and they are swirling against each other. He took this chance to explore your mouth, your heart slowly melting at the passionate kiss. Blood rushed to your faces, both of your faces being a bright red as you both were desperate to sate your desires for each other.

It was obvious, you two were made for each other. Regardless if there was a label or not, you both always ran back into each other.

He softly pulled away, his eyes locked onto yours as he beamed at you. You returned an annoyed smile, and you ran your hand through his dripping hair, slicking it back.

"Please just tell me, I don't want to just be your 'maybe', Hyun," you stared into him, your gaze intense.

"For all I know, you aren't just a 'maybe', Y/N," he replied.

There were a few moments of silence before he continued, "I'm scared, Y/N, I really am," he tucked a hair that stuck to your face behind your ear, the raindrops never stopping to drench your bodies, "But I wanna figure it out with you, please".

You shook your head, not feeling completely satisfied but you were feeling happy that he was honest. He finally opened up to you, and you felt like it was a big improvement.

You two stared at each other for a moment, and you chuckled at the sight of him, warmth filling your heart as you felt like everything had changed. Realising that you were chuckling at him, he stuck his tongue out at you, and pecking your cheek afterwards, holding you oh-so-gently.

"Don't hurt me again," you said, but it came out as a raspy whisper and he slowly nodded.

"Of course," he replied. "I love you," he blurted out and it caught you off-guard, but you quickly composed yourself and chuckled at him, squeezing his cheek, "You're so adorable, you know?".

"Don't tease me, god,"

"I love you too," you replied. "I know you do"

And he pulled you into another kiss.

taglist! : @chwesuh-imnida @hyunlvrs @aft2rsexs @laylasbunbunny @neosracha @axhyyy @zennnnny @superbbananananana

@tsunderelino @skzdedgf (just thought you'd like to get tagged!)

[lemurzsquad]

Hand Sanitizer

Pairing: Sakusa x gn!reader (platonic or romantic, up to interpretation)

Summary: You and Sakusa hate each other with a passion, and it's almost always a disagreement over hand sanitizer. So when you leave to wash your hands and don't come back, Sakusa learns why exactly you avoid using it so adamantly.

A/N: Okay so this fic. Hooooo boy. This fic. I've been wanting to write it for a while and finally have. It started as a "Reasons why I'm pretty sure Sakusa would hate me irl" and turned into this.

So I have a skin condition known as aquagenic wrinkling of the palms (or AWP), which affects my hands when they come in contact with water, which is what this fic is about. I never hear about this condition anywhere, and it's very lonely sometimes, and there's no real treatment for it (from what I've seen). So this is essentially a vent where I take my skin condition seriously for once instead of just making water allergy jokes to cope lol

(More info about AWP here)

Word count: 3898

cw: skin condition (non-graphic descriptions and discussion) (AWP - please read above), hurt/comfort, angst, crying, enemies to friends...?, emotionally constipated apologies from Sakusa, hand sanitizer is evil /j, vent, not proofread because I just wanted to get this done and posted to do literally anything else, (please lmk if I should tag anything else)

(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and everything written here is purely from my own experiences and observations. If you would like to learn more, please do your own research; this is not designed to be informative. It's purely for myself and for awareness.)

You and Sakusa had never gotten along.

You were certain you knew when it started, having been completely oblivious of one another up until that point.

It was when you were both first years in high school, and there happened to be a lizard in the classroom. You, upon seeing it, immediately proceeded to pick it up and ask the teacher to let you put it outside, to which they agreed.

You came back to the classroom, dusting off your hands, when a curly-haired boy took it upon himself to comment, “Go use some hand sanitizer, would you?”

You squinted at him, partly confused as to why he was talking to you and how you had never noticed he sat there before. “No thanks,” you answered, “I'd rather just wash my hands.”

“I don't think just washing your hands would be enough,” he rebutted with a sharp look behind his bangs. “You probably don't even know how to properly wash your hands.”

“Well, too bad! I'm not using hand sanitizer!” You were starting to get annoyed, crossing your arms.

Somehow, that seemed to make him even more disgusted, possibly at the thought that you were spreading whatever it was on your hands onto your clothes now, too.

The two of you threw jabs back and forth until the teacher separated you, which you were both happy to oblige. The animosity between you never seemed to quite dissipate even as the year went on and you became second years. You almost felt bad for the misunderstanding, knowing it was entirely your own fault, but how were you supposed to explain to this random kid that you couldn't use hand sanitizer even if you wanted to? At least, in your head you couldn't.

At some point, you and Sakusa became something of enemies within your class—renowned ones, at that. People would often ask the both of you why you hated each other so much, but your answers were vague at best.

“He's just so pretentious,” you said once.

“They're just so obstinate,” he said once.

And thus, an impasse stretched between you. You hadn't even learned his name until months after your first encounter, too bitter to really care.

Despite the efforts you both went through to avoid being within the presence of the other, you somehow still ended up nearby. Maybe it was your teachers attempting to make you get along—maybe it was the universe laughing in your face.

Throughout that entire time, you still faithfully avoided hand sanitizer like the plague. The one time the nearest bathroom was out of order for a little while and you couldn't wash your hands, you used as little of the accursed substance as you could. Whatever microscopically thin layer that coated your hands there was, you shook it off almost violently, simultaneously disgusted by the feeling of something on your skin and afraid of what it might do.

The disapproving look Sakusa gave you when he saw that was palpable.

At some point, you hated each other mostly out of principle. You'd both kept it up this long—it would be weird to suddenly just let it go since your flimsy justifications seemed enough until now. To admit that you were being unreasonable would be worse than getting along, you separately reasoned.

So when you were paired up for a project, you couldn't help but grimace. Sakusa was the first to go up to the teacher about it.

“I can't work with them,” you heard him say. For once, you agreed with him.

The teacher, however, dismissed his concerns with a wave, saying, “In life, you don't get to pick who you work with. Sometimes you'll have to try to put aside your differences to get your work done.”

It sounded stupid to you, like some half-hearted excuse so they wouldn't have to rearrange seating or partners. But it's not like you had any place to argue, so you resigned to just sucking it up.

Instead of working together, you both divvied up tasks as quickly as possible and did what you assigned yourselves—separately.

All was going well; you ignored each other and worked on the project silently. Despite other groups discussing their plans and the room being filled with chatter, your share corner was dead silent save the sound of pen on paper.

Which didn't last long when suddenly the tip of your pen snapped off. The now open ink tube spilled onto your hands, and when you tried to minimize the damage, it only got worse. By the time you dropped the pen onto your open notebook, raising your hands in surrender, they were absolutely coated in black splotches. A sense of defeat washed over you as you watched your words get covered and your paper stained in ebony.

Taking a moment to glance at your already ruined hands, you just resigned to picking up the pen and throwing it out. It was your favorite pen, which was unfortunate. It couldn't be helped, you told yourself.

Sakusa had noticed you flailing about your desk, silently judging you for the clumsy mess you made when you should have just thrown out the pen the second it broke to avoid the noir crime scene that now covered you and your area. He scowled knowing you would now have to redo whatever you had written for the project.

It was nearing the end of school, the class you were currently in being the final one of the day. You approached the teacher's table and asked if you could go wash your hands. They checked the clock to see about twenty minutes left before replying, “Make it quick.”

You walked past Sakusa's desk on your way to the door. He made the snide remark, “You could get the ink off really well with hand sanitizer.”

It took everything in you not to snap back at him, but you just hurried past, careful not to touch anything on the way out.

Sakusa knew he would never understand you. From the moment you met, you stubbornly refused what seemed to be basic courses of action. Touch something dirty? Use hand sanitizer. Eating? Wash your hands before and after to keep from touching anything.

The couple of times he had seen you wash your hands, it was very brief, and you seemed to avoid using the air dryer, opting for paper towels that were arguably undoing whatever progress you made in washing your hands.

At the same time, you avoided any task that would require you to touch dust or water. You always asked to sweep or clean windows, so much so that everyone just ended up giving you those tasks to get you to stop asking. If you did get something on your hands, you immediately wiped or shook it off, seemingly disgusted. You would even briefly run it under water just to dry it on your clothes so they weren't wet. It seemed there were things worse than water if you were willing to rinse them off.

But it was still that one avoidance that came between you: the hand sanitizer. It was practically the same as water, and it dried quickly. Even if it was comparable to washing your hands, it was still much more convenient in most scenarios. Yet you continued to adamantly refuse to ever use it. At some point you declared, “I would rather die,” when he had tried to squeeze some on your hand, earning him his wrist grabbed and pushed away. 

He just didn't understand.

So when he found you sobbing in front of the stairs, opening your hands and clenching them closed into loose fists repeatedly, he was beyond confused.

You hadn't come back to class after leaving to wash the remnants of your broken pen, so the teacher decided it was your project partner, Sakusa, who should find you and return the belongings you left behind. He went over to your open notebook that remained just where you left it and noted the handful of words that were still visible. 

Sakusa folded the cover over, enclosing the now dried puddle of ink. The remainder of your things he scooped into his arms, leaving the room once the halls had cleared a significant amount. As much as he wanted to just leave your things and go to volleyball practice, he figured it would end poorly.

Plus, what could possibly have kept you out of class for so long that you would have left everything behind? There was no way it had taken that long to get most of the ink off of your skin, so either you had just skipped the last bit of school or something happened. Since you hadn't taken your wallet with you with your IDs (he checked your bag when he put the notebook back inside, sure that it was completely dry), he reasoned it was probably the latter.

“Tsk.” They would have been able to get it off with hand sanitizer, he thought, brows furrowed. This is such a waste of time.

Sakusa wandered through the halls when he didn't find you by the bathrooms. He was starting to think it was a lost cause trying to return your bag; he even had to text his cousin to tell him why he would be late. It wasn't until he got to a particularly empty hallway did he hear something.

Quietly, in a dark alcove with a set of stairs leading up, a figure was huddled against a wall. Their tears were soft but anguished, stifled because it was in the environment of school. Sakusa had tried to ignore them until he realized it was you.

You held your palms up just past your knees that were pressed against your chest. You opened and closed your hands, a fresh cascade of tears painting your cheeks as you choked back a sob. You pressed—with more pressure than could have been painful—your thumb into the center of your other palm, nails digging into the back of your hand. You set your closed eyes on your knees with the hope that it might stop the water that leaked from them.

Sakusa, with great caution, approached your hunched figure. He didn't want to, he really didn't. You were the person he probably hated the most at his school, but somehow he knew he'd seem like an awful person if he didn't at least give your belongings to you directly—he wouldn't give you the satisfaction of another thing to hold over his head.

And yet those thoughts went to the back of his mind when he crouched down in front of you. His mask and curly hair obscured his focused expression as he tried to study your current state. The moment you seemed to hear him there, you held your breath and repressed your already quiet cries.

When Sakusa got close, you buried yourself further in to hide your face behind your knees and clenched your hands even more.

He frowned and something in his chest tightened. His brows furrowed deeper over his eyes and he huffed. He saw your nails digging into the skin on the backs of your hands.

“That's going to leave a mark if you keep doing that.” It came out more biting than he had meant it, but he was being serious.

It was then that you could no longer hold back your sobs, almost choking on your own tears. The grip you had of your hands softened and unlinked; instead, you lightly shook them apart from each other. Sakusa had to take a moment to process, but it almost seemed like there was something wrong with them. 

He just wanted to get you to stop crying so he could give you your bag. As much as he hated the gesture, he asked, “What's wrong with your hands?”

You curled your lips in to bite down on them, fighting back hiccups. With your eyes tightly screwed shut, you upturned your palms.

The sight alone made Sakusa's eyebrows fly up in shock. 

He didn't mean to, but he grabbed your wrist to get a better look. Ignoring the ink stains that faintly persisted, there were pale, patchy splotches in the center of your palm and on the side edges of your fingers; there were even some tiny pale rings on the periphery of the bigger splotches. But underneath that, the skin seemed as if it had soaked in water for hours or maybe even days. Not only were there dozens of deep crevice lines trailing from the tips of all of your fingers to their bases but the lines on your palms were more prominent, surrounded by profound, dense wrinkles that spanned the entire surface.

His eyes darted around your hand for a few moments just trying to comprehend what he was looking at. It looked unnatural—it looked painful. And when he met your gaze, he saw unidentifiable emotions flash across it. Was it shame? Regret? He couldn't be sure aside from the blood that seemed to drain from your face.

You tried to pull your hand away, but Sakusa wouldn't let go. His eyes never left yours, searching for some kind of answer. When he couldn't find it there, he asked, “What happened?” It was soft, calm, and even, enough to make you tear up a little again.

The second time you tugged, he released your wrist. You pushed your thumb into your palm again, looking away. Hiding your hands away in the space between your stomach and where your legs were still tucked against your torso, you sniffled a few times and tried to even out your breathing.

“I-It's normal… it just h-happens when I-I touch water…” You stuttered and mumbled between hiccups.

“That is not normal,” Sakusa said a little too quickly and curtly, realizing it probably would have made it seem like he was berating you.

With another sniffle, you said, “It's a– it's a skin condition.” You started to scratch your palms partly out of stress and partly out of the persistent stinging. “It reacts to water i-if I touch it for too long.”

His eyebrows knitted in concern. “Was that from washing your hands then?”

You gave a small nod, still avoiding his gaze. “I couldn't get the ink off and ended up w-washing them for too long…”

“You could have just used hand sanitizer,” he said genuinely. For the moment, he almost forgot he was supposed to hate you, more focused on being worried than anything.

Your answer was your head shaking rather fervently. “No, I can't.” You lowered to set your forehead against your knees again. “Well, actually, I don't know. I-It just scares me and I don't want to r-risk any more pain than I already have. I haven't h-had good experiences with it…”

“What did hand sanitizer ever do to you?” It came out snarkier than Sakusa had meant. He slowly lowered himself to sit with his legs crossed in front of you, your bag still next to him.

You let out a heavy breath. “I was a dumb kid in elementary,” you started. “I had an obsession with scented hand sanitizer for probably a few months. I used it multiple times a day, and even though I don't know for sure if it's related, my hands got worse after that year I think. Only after that did I finally go to the doctor to get it diagnosed after my mom did a ton of research. I agreed to avoid hand sanitizer from then on. I just don't want to risk being in more pain…”

You both went silent.

“Oh…” It was all that left Sakusa's lips. A sudden wave of guilt crashed into him. All of the times he had berated you for not using hand sanitizer and all of his snide, rude, annoyed remarks resurfaced in his conscience. He felt terrible. He felt bad. Someone was hurting and all he did was throw lighter fluid on their problems—for months—and it seemed there was finally a spark to set it all ablaze. The thought that he started it all made it worse.

“Stop with whatever weird look you have on your face.” You squinted at him and his downturned, scrunched face. You'd calmed down enough to be making quips, it would appear. “It's not like I can do anything about it.” You shrugged, half-hearted.

He searched your face again for any sign of emotion aside from blank resignation, but he couldn't find anything. “Is there no treatment?”

You shrunk down further into your huddle, not vocally answering, but the answer was still clear.

Something about the whole situation made his heart hurt; it made him upset, he realized. “So what, you just have to avoid water?”

The nod of your head to the side looked pathetic as you avoided his eyes. After several seconds of silence, you said, “I used to love swimming. It's not like I can't, it's just… it hurts and it makes me feel gross. I don't even like the beach anymore because if I go in the water and get my hands wet, there's no real place to dry them off.” You laughed humorlessly. “It's stupid. You'd think I would get more used to it and get over it as I got older, but it just made me more upset. Why me? Why did I have to get stuck with a condition that's rare and isn't really bad enough for people to care enough to find a treatment? At least, it feels that way…

“I know it's awful, but I sometimes wonder, ‘Why didn't I get stuck with something worse? Then I might have a way to treat it. Then people might care.’”

You glanced up to judge Sakusa's reaction, instantly regretting spilling your feelings and questioning why you did. Tears threatened to flood over again and spill from your eyes. You felt helpless; not only from your condition but also from being stared down by the person you were certain despised you more than anyone. You were giving him more ammo to be disgusted and to detest you, too.

But you couldn't find his face. His ebony bangs hung down like a curtain and his mask further obscured your view, his downturned line of sight completely blocked out.

When the silence was beginning to crawl around on your skin and became almost deafening, you took in a sharp breath and held it for a moment before breathing out a tiny apology. “Sorry… you don't wanna hear about this…”

“No.”

“...No? No… what?”

“No…” 

Sakusa was struggling to get out the right words. How does he say sorry to you in a way that you might actually believe? How does he tell you that you're allowed to be upset, that you can talk about it? How does he make you understand that it's okay?

And how is he supposed to get you to believe it when it's coming from him?

His voice sounded almost angry but not at you—it was for you. “You can be upset,” he said between gritted teeth, hands clenched into tight fists. “No one deserves to have to live everyday avoiding something so common just to not be in pain. And no one deserves to have some jerk constantly making light of it even if they don't know.”

The way your eyes widened and water dripped down your cheeks in sudden streams said it all. “Oh…” was all you could muster before you completely broke down. No one you had ever told about your condition had seemed to fully grasp how much you were hurting inside, how every day was a struggle to avoid reminding yourself of how awful your hands were, how even looking at your own hands sometimes made you ashamed and loathing of yourself. It was a constant reminder that there would always be something wrong with you; you would always be broken, and there was no way to fix it.

Sakusa let you cry with the renewed emotional rush. He remained firmly planted where he sat, not moving an inch. He was not going anywhere.

And he didn't, even as your sobbing slowed to quiet sniffles and wiping mostly dried tears. It took a while before you finally muttered, “Thank you… No one's ever said that to me before…”

“Well, they should.” His words were curt but lacked any sharpness to them.

When you looked up to meet his eyes, he turned them away from you. Hesitantly, he uttered, “Look, I can't promise you that we'll get along, but I can assure you I'll try not to bother you anymore. No more stupid hand sanitizer comments anymore, either.” It was the only peace offering he could make for a chance to pave a path towards making amends.

You let out a breath through your nose that was close to a laugh before hiccuping, “Next thing you know, you'll be telling me we'll work on our group project together.”

“Don't push it,” he answered, quickly and humorlessly. It only made you laugh, although he couldn't comprehend why.

“It's getting late,” Sakusa tried to divert. “You should head home.”

You reached for your phone, and the little numbers on the screen confirmed his statement. Suddenly, a flash of panic crossed your face. “I don't have my bag,” you state frantically, “or any of my stuff.”

It was then that Sakusa held up the original object of his search for you, gently lowering it to the ground. “The teacher told me to bring it to you since you never came back.”

Relief washed over you in a calming rush, and you finally seemed to relax. You pulled your knees away from your chest and sat with your legs crossed. Confirming that everything was in your bag, an immensely relieved sigh left your lips in a gust.

“Thank you.” Your gaze was earnest, trying to convey just how much you meant your words to make sure it sunk in.

Sakusa just grumbled, “Whatever.” He was back to his usual self despite how he stumbled embarrassingly when he got up and realized his legs had gone numb. He reluctantly offered up his hand to help you stand, but you only looked at it for a moment, mouth pressed into a line, before you got to your feet on your own.

He pretended he hadn't tried to assist you, instead pivoting on his heels and shoving his hands in his pockets with a slouched posture. Without another word exchanged, you both headed towards the school's entrance.

The air fell into a comfortable quiet until then. When you did reach the entrance, however, you both stopped in your tracks. You turned to Sakusa, giving him a soft smile and a small wave, and headed down the street. Only when you turned the corner, out of sight, did he head back towards the volleyball gym. He was so horribly beyond late that it was almost laughable.

But he didn't care, knowing it meant someone was there in that very moment for you when you needed it most. So what if he also started to mend whatever nonexistent relationship was there in the process? What mattered was that someone told you that it was okay.

And Sakusa was okay with that. Being late to practice wasn't nearly as pressing as his long overdue apologies. What could be more important than that?

Do not copy and/or repost!! Any likes or reblogs are appreciated, though! (c) 2024 LemurzSquad

[bisexual-horror-fan]

I know you’re requests are closed but I had an idea for a Mickey fic and I’m an awful writer and you’re amazing so imma just leave this here. What if reader and Mickey are both the Ghostfaces along with Nancy and they’re both like, literally insane. Like to the point where after they kill they gotta fuck then and there whilst covered in their victims blood blah. blah but in the end Nancy kills one of them and it makes the other completely fucking INSANE for revenge.

OKAY! SO! Anon! I fucking love this ask. I went so hard. I hope you enjoy this enemies to friends to lovers over 7K massive fic! I stretched out the timeline of Scream 2 because fuck you, this is fanfic and we can do whatever we want to! I love this request and where it leaves off? I already have a sequel planned and mostly plotted. So thank you Anon seriously. Also, shoutout to @mrsaltieri-real for helping me out on this one! You are the best.

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Rating. Explicit. Length. 7.9K. Mickey Altieri X AFAB! Ghostface! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Reader Is A Killer. Reader Has Anger Issues. Fighting. Taunting. Teasing. Mickey And Reader Are ASSHOLES To Each Other. Blood. Gore. Murder. Death. Mild Fluff. Enemies To Friends To Lovers. Ghostface Partners In Crime Couple. Mickey Is Crushing Hard. Angst. Hurt. Crying. Emotional Pain. I Apologize In Advance.

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“So Good To You.”

—

You never cared much for the idea of getting a college education, or at least that is what you told yourself because financially it was way out of reach for you, an impossibility. That was until you got an offer you simply couldn’t turn down, what that offer was? It was for a free ride at a college by a benefactor with money to burn and some revenge she needed to be carried out. It would be a hindrance for some, but not for you. The reason you were chosen was because of not only your previous experience with this, but your outright willingness to spill blood. So you accept, you follow her instructions to the fucking letter and arrive at school in September. 

Once moved into your dorm, a few days into college you were meeting up with her in person, all the correspondence up to this point has been online and on the phone, meeting her had to be done carefully. The meeting is not even in town, the process must be delicate, and the wrong people cannot see you together lest there be talk and suspicion. When you show up and see that she is not alone you are confused, when you sit down, and she explains that you are not the only student she is “sponsoring” you are pissed.

You don’t hide this either, gripping your menu, so tightly it might bend, speaking in a hushed yell whisper, “Nancy, what the fuck?”

He, whoever he was, agreed, leaning forward and voice low, “Yeah actually, what the fuck?”

Nancy tried to have a measured response, attempting to calm you both, she set her own menu aside, fingers laced together, hands resting on top of the tablecloth. She says your name and then his, “Mickey-” you scrunch your nose, who the fuck is named Mickey? Like the fucking mouse? 

“-I have to make sure this happens. You both know the motive and I figured having two of you would make this better, all the easier. I can be very hands-off and honestly, you are both such great talents. How could I choose just one of you?”

That pissed you off further. You keep your voice hushed, not wanting to be overheard, “It sounds to me more that you don’t think I can handle this myself and that I need some shitty fucking guy’s help to kill.” 

Mickey scoffed, a roll of his eyes as he leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed as he said, “Yeah, you are such an empowered woman who doesn’t need any help to kill. So tough. So strong. If you are so capable, why do you need someone to fund your college career?”

You hated him. Everything about him. His stupid spiky hair, the dumb shade of blue on his sweater, his face, his voice, what he said in tone and also in content. “It’s called a scholarship. I know it’s a big word, you’ve probably never heard it, and what about you? She thinks that YOU need a woman’s help to kill, how sad is that for you?” 

By the way his eyes narrowed, you feel like he doesn't like you either. Good. You don’t want him to. 

The dinner is tense, but you manage to make it through and Nancy makes it clear that if you want to go or if he does that you can, but she will pull her funding and whoever is left will get to do it alone. You don’t back down and neither does he, so you are forced to work together, and you accept this fact with extreme reluctance.

The plan is for you and him to get as close to Sidney and her friends as possible, to insert yourselves and get in the right position at just the right time to make sure that this happens just as Nancy wanted. You did, and you were barely able to restrain your rage against him, it comes out sometimes, everyone else thinks it is an affectionate thing, a long-running joke of both of you disliking each other and exchanging barbs, but no one thought it was serious. 

You had to get used to his presence, but that proved to be difficult, you would sometimes get so riled up after an argument with him that you felt like screaming and ripping your hair out, he got under your skin in the worst way possible. You got to him similarly it seemed, you sometimes knew he left your interactions being the one who could barely reign in his temper, part of you liked getting to him like that. 

Staying away from him and avoiding any time you and Mickey were solo was a must, but sometimes you can’t help it when you are in the same friend group like this. You and he were at the same party and Sidney left to go use the bathroom, and Randy went to go get a drink, and that left you and him in proximity.

You and Mickey were both leaning against the same wall. He speaks first, “Getting real friendly with Sid there.” 

You smile, proud of yourself, you were making a great impression, fantastic progress, you allow yourself to indulge in feeling pride as you agree with his assessment, “Yeah, I am.”

“She seems super invested. You do know that you need more than a low cut shirt to get her fallin’ all over herself for you, right?” He turned to face you, and you turn too as you respond, “Yeah unlike you, I am not a total slut, I am not trying to fuck her.”

“Why not?” He asked, and you laughed into your cup, making sure to keep your voice low enough just for him to hear, “Who am I? Billy Loomis? Gonna fuck her then gut her?” 

He shrugs before taking a sip from his own cup, a swallow before he says casually, “I’ve read your papers in film class, derivative is your whole thing.” 

“Is it now?” You ask and he says, “It is. Taking from someone great, and regurgitating it back out as if it is some amazing new or profound thought, something original all your own, when it very obviously is not.” 

He was such an insufferable asshole. 

You swallow what is left in your cup and then push off the wall, “I need another fucking drink if I am gonna have to be around you.” 

He lets you go. 

After lunch one day you, and he ended up in the same direction, you don’t want to deal with him and so you pick up the pace, walk faster, and he makes sure to speed up too, “Awe where you off to in such a rush? Gonna be late for your gender studies class, princess?” 

“Gross, do not call me that shit.” You say as you adjust your backpack, rolling your eyes before you retort, “You ready to fail that test tomorrow? I know you haven’t been studying.”

His hands are thrown up, eyes skyward and a grin as he says, “Heaven forbid, I wanna enjoy the college experience and make the most of it out and about, not with my nose in a book all the time.” 

“I think you could stand to be a little more well-read, you are painfully fucking dull whenever I am forced to talk to you.” Breaking off for the turn you head towards the building for your next class, he calls after you, “I am so, so hurt. Hey, don’t forget to spell women with a y, you’ll lose points otherwise, okay?” 

He knew just how to really fucking bother you. 

You know how to bother him, too. 

A different day, you and him were meant to have a meeting with Nancy. You were waiting for her to arrive, and he was boasting about how he had gotten in with Randy and Derek, you said, “Finally, took you long enough. It’s weird, though, considering that you are the fucking worst.” 

“I’m the worst?” He asked, and you nod, “Yes you are, I don’t know how you pulled it off, I have seen your acting ability.”

His hand rubs over his eyes as he asks, “You insult my acting ability now? What is wrong with it?” 

“Mickey. Virgin teens faking on prom night are better actors than you are.” 

His jaw drops, brows pinch together, and you pile on before he can respond, “You seem so chummy with Randy though, you blown him yet orrr?”

Nancy walked into you both locked in another augment, and she slammed the door, making you both stop. “Can you please, please, for the love of God, not fight for one day? I know it must be very hard, but do it for me?”

“It isn’t my fault she is such a frigid bitch.” He spits, and you say back, “Rich coming from the school slut, seriously, do you sweat chlamydia?” 

Mickey opens his mouth and Nancy cuts him off, “Please, save it! Can’t you be the bigger person here?”

Mickey doesn’t even look at her, eyes locked with you, he says, “I know you are a real maternal figure, but I am not your fucking son so can you not talk to me like I am?” 

You have to bite back the laugh you were about to bark out, and Nancy was just done, thoroughly over you both and your petty rivalry. “If you both don’t knock it off, I will call off the whole thing!”

That had you and he both turning to her, “You can’t!” 

It is reminiscent of a tired parent on a car trip sick of hearing, “Are we there yet?” and responding with, “I will turn this car around!” When she tells you both, “I can, and I will if you don’t play nice at least in front of me!” 

You and Mickey both know she is serious. You do your best to chill the hell out and just get through this without killing each other. 

The road is long until the first kill is meant to happen. You and he have ebbs and flows of seriously deep hatred, neutral times of acceptance and even an instance or two of actually kind of getting along, at least on the surface. Below that, you still find times of hating each other.

One night after yet another tense meeting, after yet more endless frustration, you and he locked in another fight it happens without you meaning to. Both of you are just too pent-up and when he spits, “I am so tired of you being such a bitch, have you tried loosening up sometimes?”

“How would you recommend I do that in between keeping a low profile, getting closer to Sid and the rest, and keeping my grades up?” He tells you with crossed arms over his chest, “I’d recommend you taking a good dick every once in a while.” 

“Does it always gotta come back to that? Just fuck my stress away and that will fix me?” 

“Why not try it?” And he says it so smugly, something inside just snaps inside of you, leading to you both being in your bed. Your clothes don’t even totally come off, it is a messy hate-fuck, “I knew you wanted me-”

Your teeth sink into his throat, a sharp bite that makes him jerk back, his hips faltering as you respond, “I don’t want you, this means fucking nothing, you mean fucking nothing, okay?”

 “Fine, fuck.” Another roll of his hips pulls a moan from you before he mutters out, “Crazy fucking bitch, just stop biting me.”

A terrible idea hits, and you execute it, a slap to his face as opposed to a bite and it is so shocking, catches him so off guard he has to actively fight the urge to cum. “Better?”

You ask sugary sweet, and he grits out, “I fucking hate you.” 

“I fucking hate you too.”

Hate fucking when the wait for the plan to kick off becomes a somewhat regular occurrence, one neither of you chose to acknowledge unless you were splayed over a surface together.

Currently, you were in Mickey’s place. You and he agreed to head over to a party together to meet up with everyone else, you were in one of those times when you didn’t totally hate his guts, just mostly did, so you could tolerate his presence. You were getting impatient, you were a punctual person, and he was not when it came to things like this. You were tapping your foot on the bottom rung of a stool as you sat at the bar as you waited, calling out to him while he is in his bedroom, “What are you doing in there? Jacking off? I’d like to go sometime this century.” 

“Yeah, I bet you like to think about that.” He called back, and you scoffed, “As fucking if.” 

While you waited, your eyes flitted over the bar, and you noticed there were scattered papers about, you are so bored you start to sift through them, looks like some kind of project he was working on. You look further, wondering what it was, you skim pages and words caught on, “slice” and “blood”.

You start to look further, flip through pages, and you find descriptions of murder, violent kills, strangulation, knives stabbed into warm bodies. You read of terrible brutality and the feelings that are invoked while experiencing it. You become so absorbed in the reading when his hand touches your shoulder, you jump nearly a foot in the air, heart hammering. 

“Catching up on some reading?” He asked with a grin, and you roll your eyes as you shake off his hand, “Creep.” 

“Says the girl who is currently rummaging through MY shit.”  Your eyes are back on the papers, ignoring what he said, and instead you ask, “What even is all this? Some fucked up project for a class?”

He takes the seat on the stool next to you, “It’s my work before coming to school.”

Your eyes go wide, you look at him, “Wait is this-”

He brightens further, “A scrapbook, yeah! I was rearranging it before you showed up, got a bit too into it, lost track of time, so I couldn’t clean it up before you came in, and then you were fucking rushing me-” 

“Holy fucking shit, you have a scrapbook of your previous kills?” You flip through, detailed accounts, pictures, small souvenirs, more still. It was amazing but also infuriating, how the fuck did you never think to do something like this? Most you had was scrawled out diary entries post kill, but this was truly in depth, a testament to his commitment to wielding a knife and bringing pain.

He leans closer, starts pointing out particular details, and you have to admit, an impressive body of work, clear effort put forth into this catalogue of violence. “She was the first. She was in my math class in high school, the kind of girl who thought she was way too good for everyone, you know the type.” 

His eyes meet yours, a taunting smile, and you find yourself letting out a laugh. He kept talking, and you kept listening until he says, “You are being awfully quiet.”

“Am I not allowed to be quiet?” You ask, and he laughs, “No. It just isn’t like you, normally you make your opinions very painfully known.”

You sighed, “I just can’t get over what a good idea this is, I’m fucking pissed I didn’t think of it myself.” You admit, and he laughed louder, “I got one up on you and you admit it? Fuck, it is a good night.” He gets up, collects the papers and puts them in the open box nearby. You try to stop him, “Wait, where are you going?”

You ask as he takes the box back to his room, and he says, “We have a party to get to, remember? I’ll let you read it in full another time for you to cream yourself over, alright?” 

Yeah, sure, cream yourself over is what you’d do. You are simply curious about his work before you both met, you liked getting a feel for him and what he had done, it only makes sense since you are going to work together. He comes back and you both leave, but that night you had to admit is what started the shift, you started to look at Mickey a bit differently, had more respect for him. He obviously had skills to back up his talk, it was a comfort as well as just nice to get to know him on this level. No one else understood that side of you, getting to talk with someone else who has killed, he understands the depth, the complexity and more, you didn’t know how nice it would be.

After that night, you and he talk some more about it, his kills and yours, it is bonding, and it goes from hating each other and somewhat tolerating to being more like co-workers. A different night you were in your dorm room alone and both going over what your pasts. He showed you his newly minted scrap book, and you read aloud from your diary about how your first date ended in your killing the guy. 

“How often have you gotten blood in your mouth?” He asks, and you gagged jokingly, “Too many times! You never think that it is gonna spray like that until the first time you slash a throat, right?”

“Seriously. Okay, okay. Least favourite part?” He asked, and you groaned, “Disposal, dead weight is such a bitch at times. Once a guy almost got away from me, I cornered and killed him at the bottom of some stairs, but once he was dead I had to drag him back UP those same stairs.” 

“Fuck, how did you do it?” He genuinely asked, and you tell him, “With ropes and determination. How about you?” He hums, “My least favourite part has to be when the chase goes on for too long. Nothing worse than being winded before you even get the knife in them, feel like I can’t enjoy it properly, and I hate to do a rush job like that. It’s like the option is taken from me.”

“Lack of control is truly the worst.” You agree. 

While you felt closer, a small kinship as well as more mutual understanding, Mickey could still be a bit much at times, you still clashed on occasion, but those times were becoming fewer and further between. It makes the path to the plan easier. You study on occasion, able to have meals together, Nancy is pretty pleased you’d both calmed down, and you find yourself consumed with regular daily life. The hate fucking isn’t so hateful and has also slowed considerably to a near stop.

When you got the go ahead, you and he were giddy. Alight. It caused one of the worst fights you had with him where you insisted that you be the first one to kill, you wanted to show that you could, prove yourself and also, it had been so, so fucking long since you had. Eventually, Nancy sides with you but insists Mickey be nearby in case shit goes screwy, and you can deal with that. 

You revel in it. The phone call, the break in, the case and the actual kill. You being on top of her, stabbing her, running her through with one hand as your other is over her mouth. She struggles and whines, and you feel powerful, watching the light drain from her eyes the same way the blood does. 

Perhaps you linger just a touch too long, but you just can’t help it. Mickey comes to get you, urge you out, and then he sees it, the aftermath. You still sitting on top of her in your costume, the knife to the hilt inside of her, and you turn, ghostly white mask with small spots of red and his breath catches. He read your accounts, you’d talked in depth, he’d killed people himself, but this, seeing it, you, post kill, was a totally different animal. 

You pull off your mask, hair a mess, face sweaty with the effort, a manic smile as you ask, “What’s up?”

He lingers by the door of the balcony you were on, stuck in the threshold, the sliding glass was acting like a metaphorical doorway as much as a physical one, a turning point, one that cannot be forgotten or ignored. A shifting tide, your relationship, how he viewed you, permanently changed. His mouth feels dry, he swallows and says, “We have to go.”

“Shit, yeah, you’re right, just got a little uh-” You look down at the body, pull the knife out and drive it in one last time, you sound gleeful, “-stab happy.” 

The laugh spills from you both unbidden and then, you flee the scene of the crime. Costumes stowed in bags and knife hastily wiped down. He couldn’t stop looking at you after that night. Every time he saw you, it was like you went from black and white static to live and in colour, as if he was seeing you for the first time, truly seeing you. He had it and had it so fucking badly for you, it was embarrassing. 

You could get him, understand him on levels no one else could or probably ever would. 

Mickey started treating you differently. You think it is because of what he saw, he finally was respecting you and sure it was part of it, but much more than you could have realized went into it. He was being much more than pleasant to be around, he was nice, fun to be around, he wasn’t an asshole like previously and slowly, much, much too slowly, after many meals bought, coffees given and notes shared you figure out that you think, he has a crush on you. It slips through even when with your “friends” and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Especially because he doesn’t hide it. He is kind, he flirts shamelessly, he makes his wants and intentions known.

You don’t know how to deal with or process that. 

So you don’t.

You let him treat you better, you feel previous hate and anger melt, but you write it off as friendship, nothing wrong with that considering what you were doing. You take his compliments with a smile, you laugh off his over the top promises of “I’d be so, so good to you.” with a wave of your hand.

The plan continues on, stretches out from days to weeks, Nancy claims she wants Sidney to really suffer, and you aren’t going to question or complain. 

The next kill is up to Mickey, you weren’t able to be there, but you got to see him after. Amped the fuck-up and excited, he told you about it all, how it went. “He was so pathetic, you should have seen him, begging for his life, crawling on the ground, oh my God.” 

You watched him pace back and forth, animated hand gestures, his t-shirt was sticking to him from the sweat, your eyes aren’t sure where to linger, defined arm muscles or that wide sick smile. He flops onto the couch beside you, a large exhale, “It was fucking incredible.” 

“And what are you feeling like, right now?” You asked as you looked down at him, and he says as his head pitches to look up at you, “I am feeling fucking starving. You want to order in a pizza?”

So you did. You ate sprawled on the floor and talked about the fact everything was meant to ramp up soon, that you and he were expected to both go in hard within the next few weeks. 

It still goes on, you and both grow closer, another kill here, one there until finally there is a night where you have to murder together. The talking beforehand is frantic, both planning what was going to happen, honestly excited to do this together. You and Mickey started off hating each other's guts, but that seems so far away now, you and he were actually good friends and a united front on this plan.

It doesn’t go well at first.

The struggle is hard, you and he almost lose the two people you were planning on killing, but you manged it. Watching Mickey up close, not only that but you both doing this together, it makes something in you and your perception of him change. It is startlingly intimate, you are so in the moment, weirdly in sync with very little verbal communication, at one point you are gutting one of them while he holds them down and even through the masks, you know your eyes are locked, you can’t see his gaze, but you feel it. 

It’s then. Between the smell of blood, the sweat making your black robe stick to you, over the screams of your shared victims, that all of it hits you.

It all comes crashing in, you thought he was the only one with a crush, with deeper feelings, that is not the case. You’ve come to realize that you have feelings for him too, deep and intense, scary and all consuming feelings, you care about Mickey and more than as a friend, a fellow killer, a partner in crime. You like him. Old memories flow through your mind now tinged differently, a highlight reel of neon recollection, synapses sparking, forcing you back, dragging you along to really look at those moments in the new light and context of your now fully exposed feelings. Raw and wriggling and out in the open air for you to contend with, screaming for acceptance and to be dealt with in some fucking fashion.

You had liked him for a long while and were far too stubborn and stupid to realize it. And you can’t ignore it any longer.

Snapped back into the moment you are staring. His strong gloved hands around the bitch’s throat, you can see the power he has, the way his arms strain from the effort, you can’t look away. 

Once it was over, once they are both dead, you and he had to separate, and it made your mind run. You were so nervous, you trusted him completely now.

You knew Mickey was more than capable, but still, the thought of him actually being caught, you don’t know how you’d handle it. The sudden change steals your breath, you feel crushed by your new feelings, the unexpected care you feel for him.

The emotions run high during a kill night on the best of times, but the rough and rocky start, the joined act of killing, the fact the police presence as stepped up, it all mixes together. You were worried, very fucking worried, and that makes you terrified. 

When you come back to the meeting point, he is already there, his mask is taken off, and you hastily remove your own. Staring across the space at each other, heavy breathing, and the look in his eyes upon meetings yours, he knows. He knows you feel differently now, and it can be felt in the air. You stride forward first as you exhale out, “Thank fuck you’re okay-”

As soon as you are close enough Mickey’s hands are on the sides of your face, pulling you to him and his mouth crashing into yours, swallowing you up in him, preventing you from speaking, stealing all words, you return his affection hastily, clumsily and with a moan of relief. Even during all your hate fucking, it wasn’t like this. There were no presses of your mouth to his, the only times your mouths were used were to bite, cause pain, or on occasion give each other some truly rough but brutal oral sex. 

You are greedy, need to make up for lost time. You kiss him hard, want to make him as breathless as you are, more than the chase made him. You and he end up on the couch in his place. Costumes are long forgotten on the floor. His hands wander, touch you all over, help pull clothes away and aside, “I’ve been thinking about this so fucking much.”

A laugh slips out as you straddle him, helping him out of his shirt and throwing it aside, “Yeah Mickey?”

He takes in the view of you in just your pants and bra perched on his thighs, his hands run up your sides, fingers press over an already flowering bruise left from when one of your murder victims kneed you in the ribs. You hiss slightly, a sharp intake of air from the stab of pain, you retaliate, fingers in his hair, you thread, twist and pull. He gasps, smile widens, and he nods as much as you allow, “Yeah, been thinking about you just like this.” 

“Just like this?” You grind on his lap, bare down on his clothed erection, short muted sounds of pleasure leave you both as you lose yourselves in the action, the friction before he manages to get out, “Almost, there are no clothes in the way, and I am buried deep again in that sweet fucking cun-”

You pull even harder and his sentence breaks off with a groan as you prompt him. “Stop talking and start doing.” 

He was losing it. Normally whenever he hooked up with people he was sure, in total control, but you got the drop on him. He should know better, especially after all the previous very violent hook-ups. 

At first, he was on top, or rather, he was trying to be, but all of a sudden a leg was around his hip and hands were on his broad chest pushing him until he fell onto his ass, back propped up on the arm rest of the couch. You settle into his lap quickly, straddling him and then lowering yourself, taking him deep, to the hilt, before he could protest. The moan leaves him on an exhalation at feeling how soaked and hot you are. His hands are on your hips, and he rocks up into you once before your hands are in his hair once more. Fingers thread anew, wrap around and twist before pulling, it makes his eyes shoot open, a harsh inhale from the pain, brows knitted together in confusion when you tell him firmly, "Stay fucking still. This is for me right now, not you."

He is shocked, stunned, your tone so harsh, leaving no room for argument, and you start to move, hips rise and fall as you ride him for all he's worth.

You look fucking stunning, gorgeous, and you feel even better. 

He didn’t know he could be so into this, but he thinks it is because it’s you. He has seen you kill, seen how capable and powerful you are, he is so fucking into you, feels so deeply for you, he thinks you could carve your name into his flesh and he’d beg for more. The praise tumbles out between groan and gasps, timed with the falls and of your hips, the rolls of your body, and it makes you laugh breathy, “You are really into this.” 

“Been a, fuck, while.” He confesses, and you slow your hips, “Mickey, have you kept it in your pants? Stopped fucking half the student body?”

You knew he was seeing other people in between your fucking for a while, but when you and he stopped, did he not get his fill elsewhere? He shrugs, tries to seem unbothered, but it’s hard when his hands are gripping your hips so tightly, browns pinched together, you clench on him and his head is thrown back against the arm rest of the couch. Sweat is down his temple, tendons in his throat as he swallows thickly, “Been busy.”

It is all he can force out. This is serious. Mickey the slut stopped screwing anyone else because he was crushing on you so severely. He did really like you, holy shit. Not an act at all, he was so consumed with you that fucking other people wasn’t something he wanted. 

The emotion radiating off him is filling you, bleeding back into you, and you let it take you without trying to show it too heavily. You fucking care about him, you really fucking do. 

Your hand below your waist, quick fingers bring you to your peak twice in short succession as you ride him before he finds his own high. The first time is frantic, needy, more about getting it out of your systems after so long without. It is undeniably satisfying and thoroughly enjoyable. 

The next time happens that same night. With reheated Chinese and in his bed. You talked about it all, how the kill that night went and in the process worked yourself up once more and made the shower you shared after your time on the couch utterly pointless from how sweaty you got again. 

After that night, you were together. You and he often fucked, maybe more than you should, but you just could not get enough. You’d been so busy that you hadn’t really fucked anyone other than him since getting here over a year ago. Times in your dorm or his, shared showers, traded oral in places that you shouldn’t like between library stacks. Once you had sex in the band pit of the theatre, your hands over his mouth and his over yours as you worked to keep quiet, him thrusting up into you, and you are slamming down on him as you worked each other over, bringing him and yourself to Earth shattering pleasure. 

Both of you kept it more hush, hush, but another secret just added to it. You didn’t run from your feelings, nor did you attempt to hide how into him, you were. The dates squeezed in everywhere you could also try to make up for your stubborn bullshit earlier. Affection was, often, moments of tenderness and vulnerability in private were shared. 

There is a moment that you keep coming back to. 

Another kill. You and he are blood splattered, you had a quickie next to the body, a rushed moment of passion with you pushed over a desk. Your legs were shaking from the strength of the orgasm he fucked out of you. Over the past while you’d gotten much more comfortable with him taking control, it wasn’t a fight for dominance, it was shared responsibility that you give into as often as he does. His cum was leaking out into your panties that you had just pulled back into place. You were heaving, body slick, and resting for a moment when he comes around the desk. His mask is pulled up, and he leans down, gloved hands come to your face, one hand holds the knife in his leather clad grip, the other holds your cheek. You feel the knife handle against the opposite side, and he moves in, he kisses your forehead half-in-half-out of his killer garb, and you melt. You smile up at him and he returns it. 

The lies and secrecy shouldn’t turn you on like this. Lying to Sidney and everyone else, the high you are both on from so far getting away with it is immense. You and he are too perfect of a fit.

It’s the day of. You and he are about to head out when the urge strikes. “Hey-“ Your hand quickly reached out and grabs his wrist, pulling him back from the door, so he was stood facing you again. His hand dropped to your waist, and he smiled down at you, that stupid damn devastating smile you used to hate that you now couldn’t see yourself living without, “- before we do this, there’s something I wanna tell you. Just in case.” 

He noticed you looked almost nervous, weight shifting from one foot to the other, he had never seen this emotion on your face before, and he knew exactly what was coming before you took a deep, unsteady breath and opened your mouth to speak again. “I lo-”

“Don’t.” He said quickly, eyes wide, raising his hand to place it over your mouth, an action you had both done to each other God knows how many times in a much different context. “Save it. Tell me after we’ve won, okay?”

You rolled your eyes slightly, prying his fingers away from your mouth. “God, you’re such an overdramatic dork, Mickey. Okay.”

It was stupid. You shouldn’t have listened to him. You should have said it.

You and he and Nancy were in the theatre with Sidney. The monologue was underway, big speeches, reveals, shock and awe. You’d been watching from afar, waiting for your cue to come in, when it happens all too quickly. Sidney made Nancy so angry so fast, unable to control herself, and she points the gun and with a simple move of her finger, the trigger is pulled and all of a fucking sudden just like that night your world is coming crashing in. He wasn’t expecting it, the bullet holes in his chest pour blood out rapidly. 

You are frozen in place. Rooted to the spot. You watch as his body falls. Here then gone. Stole from you in a single moment, no time to react, nothing to do, no time to process either. He was ripped from you, and it takes a moment for everything to come back into focus. Sidney and Nancy are struggling, and you find the strength. 

You move. 

The weapon in your hand is used on Sidney, not the way you’d intended to, the butt of your own gun is smacked full force on the back of her head. You knock her out and let her fall to the stage. You are left standing there with Nancy, who is wondering what you are doing. You are holding up the gun, pointing it straight at her, questioning her in the same way, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” 

“Why are you pointing that at me?” She asked in seeming disbelief, and you scoff, “Why do you think?! I heard you! I heard what you said, I watched you shoot Mickey, I know you want me dead next, right? Clean up the loose ends?”

You spit it at her with vitriol before you do your best impression of her annoying voice during her speech to Sidney, “There was a big scuffle, and you-” your foot kicking Sidney’s boot for emphasis, gesturing down to her with your other hand, “-shoot Mickey-”

Saying it makes you sob. Tears start to stain your cheeks, “I cannot believe you! Bringing us here, making us do your dirty work, and you were planning on killing us the whole fucking time!” 

“What, did you really think that he’d get away with it? His big plan about blaming the movies? What jury would believe that-” She shouts, and you stomp your foot, “Shut the fuck up, that isn’t the point!” You weren’t going to tolerate her speaking ill of him, not while he is still bleeding out in the band pit, you kept talking, “You double-crossed us!”

Your gun moves down, and you shoot, getting her in the knee. She crumples under the weight of her own body. She is on the ground, and she is the one sobbing in short order. You make your way to her, you step onto her busted knee, grinding your boot down into it and revelling in her anguished screams. Blood gushes and you still are not satisfied. You sink down, you lay into her. First the gun across her face, teeth are knocked out, displaced and rattle as they roll across the wooden stage. 

You hit her again and again, next the gun is dropped, your hand takes over, punching her, nose breaks, cartilage cracks, bones snap, she is coughing and wheezing and weak. Your knife is removed from the holster stored in your boot, and you hold it to her throat, “You are such a stupid fucking bitch.”

She was delirious, and you slammed her head against the stage, “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Her eyes are unfocused, but they are on you, “This is your fault. You are going to die, but you didn’t have to. You killed him first, and now I’m gonna kill you.”

The response is weak from her dry cracked lips, “Why?”

“Why?” You asked, a bitter laugh, you hold the knife closer to her throat, “Dumb cunt wants to know why? Sure, I can tell you.” 

A deep inhale before you say, “You brought me here under false pretenses, made me work with one of the most annoying and insufferable people I have ever met in my life, forced me to be around him and in the process made me realize that…”

You can’t bring yourself to say it, but you instead say, “-That I care about him. That I needed someone else who could truly understand me on this level, who cared, who showed me how I deserved to be fucking treated and then, you just…You kill him, snuff him out, like he was nothing!”

You feel the tears falling again, “After all we’ve done to make your fucked up dream of a revenge plot come true, and you expect me to just lie down and take it when you kill him?!”

You can’t see her properly, not through how watery your eyes were. A steadying breath before you say, “And the way you did it. With a gun? It is insulting! Where is the intimacy? The care? The artistry, if he had to die by murder, he deserved better! Do you care about the art form at all?!”

You are tired of her, the anger and sadness had been bubbling up, it all comes to a head and bursts, the knife slices through her throat, she is choking on her blood when you tell her, “I’m not playing along, I’m not doing your stupid plot, not anymore. I’m rewriting it, Sidney’s gonna live.”

You don’t stop there. The knife is forced into her over and over. By the time you are done, her stupid white unflattering white suit is stained completely red. 

Getting up from the complete mess, you look over your shoulder, Sidney is still passed out. This is your chance to run, but you can’t. Not yet.

Your steps are tentative, your knees hurt from how long you were on them while hunched over Nancy’s body while you were killing her. Your hands shake, and you peek over the edge of the stage and see him down there, amongst upturned band chairs, and your breath is stolen. You and he hooked up down there weeks prior, and now he was down there, looking wrong, totally fucking wrong. He looks lonely, and you hate that, you move quickly, one hand on the edge of the stage, and you jump down, it hurts your ankles from the height, you don’t care. 

You stay there with him. You cling to him, you are reminded of that conversation, your least favourite. Dead weight. Quickly going cold, lifeless eyes staring up, past you, to some point on the ceiling, unseeing. You let yourself cry. You want to say it, tell him the depth of your feeling want to force the words out, you want to tell him you love him, but now it doesn’t feel right at all. He should have been able to hear those words from you while he was alive, while you still had a shot at a future together, whatever it would have looked like.You let yourself say this at the very least. 

“You were right…” You sniff, you wipe at your cheeks and say, “The time we had was short but fuck. You were so good to me. I should have let you be good to me sooner. I should have been better to you, too.” The next words sit heavy on your tongue, no matter how much you want to they are left unsaid, and you make yourself leave him. 

Before you do, there is one thing that feels necessary, like you have to. Hands cradle his face, one hand still holding the knife, and you lean down, you press a blood stained kiss to his forehead, near his hairline just like he did to you before. A mirror of that previous act of tenderness on a scarlet tinged afternoon but so much sadder because it was the last moment like this you’d ever have with him and again still, it was totally wrong. He can’t feel it, because he’s dead.

You get up and with one last forlorn look to him, you run. 

Sidney wakes up unscathed but dazed, Mickey dead and Nancy too. You hadn’t revealed yourself, she hadn’t seen you, Nancy and Mickey hadn’t made mention of you, you’d been wearing gloves and there was none of your blood or DNA at the finale’ site, so you got away with it. They think the last person is still at large, but they have no clue who. 

Your sadness is understandable, your real grief is able to be spread around, it is believable that it is for Hallie and Derek and everyone else but Mickey on the surface. You and Sidney drift apart. You tell her it’s too hard and she more than understands, she was initially suspicious at first, but you were too good an actor, your alibis too well planned and airtight. 

The unmarked account that your tuition came out of was still full. You intend to transfer to a different college next semester. You can’t stay here, the idea of graduating from here without Mickey is horrible. You need a new state, a new school, a fresh chance to try and attempt to move on. It’s after winter break at that new school that you meet. 

The events happened over a year ago, and you were still not doing good. Still sad, you wonder how you can ever process this pain, this total loss, no way can you talk about it, no way another person could ever understand. 

Until that is one fateful day, you get a knock at your apartment door. You answer it and standing in front of you is a ghost, one person who you thought, just like everyone else, was dead, and maybe, perhaps, the only one who can relate to you. 

Brows furrowed and gripping the door, so your legs won’t buckle, you asked nervously, in total shock and disbelief, “Stu Macher?”

He grinned with a point to himself, “That’s me. Can I come in?”

[sillygoofyqueer]

I have been summoned by the newest chapter of losing hope :3

Not much happened but I’m taking this as a “I will give you fluff both after and before things go to shit”

Jingyi being Jin Ling’s reluctant friend is honestly pretty hilarious and I can’t wait to see those two start to get close because I feel like that’ll be like “I hate this person with every fiber of my being but if you make him cry there will be nobody searching for your body and no body to find either.” Especially after they realize the type of environment he was in his entire life in comparison to their childhoods. They’re goofy and I love ‘em.

Wangxian being shameless is always amazing (love that it’s LWJ doing it too!) but Wwx missing his sword. Jesus, that made me sad. It’d be interesting to see how suibian communicates with Wwx because in canon we know that the swords have spirits but that’s never really expanded upon. Especially since suibian sealed itself. It’d be nice to see them communicating with their weapons (also imagine suibian mother henning Wwx? Or even Wwx thinking of suibian as a sibling/parental figure? The angst for that would be great especially combined with the scene of Wwx giving away his golden core. Both of them would know Wwx would never be able to properly use suibian again and wow that would hurt. Also I’d imagine since Jiang cheng can also use suibian, suibian does care for him much like Wwx but also it’d be funny if it didn’t particularly like him. Like, the entire time Jiang cheng uses suibian it is fluently cursing at him.)

Jingyi picking up on LWJ pining/flirting is very funny but probably not as funny as it will be when sizhui realizes that A) they’ve both been pining for each other for almost two decades B) 100% they are not in a relationship even if they’re totally shameless with each other and C) they both SOMEHOW have NO IDEA that the other likes them back. The facepalm when that realization sinks in will be funny :3

As always fuck JGY.

Also as always, your writing is amazing four and I wish I could give you more Kudos <3333

Remember to take care of yourself and take breaks!

Just...just picture me holding you close right now. That's it, that's the sentence.

Now, I don't know what you meeeaaaan, there is barely any angst in my fic whatsoever and there will never be anymore angst-...*checks timeline doc*....for nowwww....In all seriousness though, I can't actually remember/decide if there will be any angst next chapter, but oh boy if there was wouldn't that be silly. Wouldn't that be sooo goofy? Guess we'll never ever ever EVER know. I was feeling soft and silly, and this was more of a filler chapter, so I was like, "fluff be upon ye" I guess.

Jingyi and Jin Ling are going to have a very interesting friendship - Jin Ling's been raised differently because Wei Wuxian has kind of been a part of his childhood, so I wonder if that will affect how he builds/views relationships with other people - what do you MEAN I can't foreshadow in my post, who said that?! Anyway, I can't wait to think about it from Lan Sizhui's perspective; dude feels bad for Jin Ling because it is OBVIOUS that this poor guy does not know how to talk to people and if he is befriending what everyone labels as a dangerous criminal, then he is in severe need of friendship. Then there's Jingyi in the background, barking like a chihuahua every time Jin Ling does something that the Lan doesn't like until they devolve into fighting.

Ever since I learned about sword spirits, I've always wondered how Suibian would interact with Wei Wuxian and how they work together. I read one too many SVSSS fics where sword spirits hold a big value in them and it was all downhill from there. Think about it - Wei Wuxian had a lot of people who knew him in Lotus Pier, but he was never truly vulnerable with anyone (except maybe Jiang Yanli, but even then, it wasn't much) because he didn't want to sound ungrateful. So, imagine a Wei Wuxian who found solace in ranting to Suibian. Now imagine a Suibian listening and soothing in their own way. You see my vision, right? Imagine losing that when he needed it the most, during the Burial Mounds. Imagine finally being able to get it back after years of unforgettable trauma and torture, when he desperately needs someone he can rely on without second guessing everything to do with human duality. That doesn't exist with a sword spirit - Suibian just cares.

[astriddestelle]

The way I was obsessed with enemies to lovers/rivals to lovers as a kid 😭😭😭 my top pairings growing up ranked. Canon/Fanon included.

Can you tell I’ve been on a nostalgic rewatch.

1. Logan/Quinn from Zoey 101. The OG teenbop enemies to lovers omg I stan. When they pronounced their love for each other at the season finale at the prom, screaming crying throwing up. The way they get together is so random lmao he calls her hot and they kiss then Michael rides by on a horse like what? But the pay off and ending was so *chefs kiss*

2. Courtney/Duncan from TDI. They were everything to me and Cartoon Network ruined it. First season the bantering, the flirting. When I tell you I was hooked. The scream I scrumpt when they finally kissed (also me didn’t she just throw up but whatever I guess) then she left and it was all downhill from there.

3. Rose/Jake from ADJL. The Romeo and Juliet of this paring needs to be studied. They were so down bad for each other. When Jake found out she was huntsgirl then when she found out. Their first kiss being right before she had to ‘kill’ him for sport in an arena. Her giving up her life to keep him and his family safe, him giving up her to keep her safe. 😭😭😭 they don’t make em like they used too

4. Draco/Harry from HP. The ship that started it all. Before this I’d never read a slash fic before is it even still called that. Anyways this right here is my longest going ship I’m still into only reason it’s not higher is that I love the other ones more. You get so many variations of this, from the super toxic fic, to the I’ve always secretly loved you, to the meet up after the war is over and so on and so forth. Ugh I love it. There’s like 50,000 fics of them on a03 and I know I’ve read like half at least 🤣

5. Zuko/Katara from Avatar. My second non canon ship on here. When I tell you I was obsessed with them. Sigh then I discovered other fandoms and by the time I came back to them I was just done. Which I think comes fromm just not being as much of a Zuko fan anymore. This ship was gold, tho, I mean come on I’ll save you from the pirates how can I not. The way he jumped in front of her (obviously he’d do the same for everyone but like listen it ate down bad) the whole crystal caverns episode was fuel to the fire, the writers/creators knew what they were doing

6. Jake/Miley from Hannah Montana. Another OG omg she hated him so much. The flirty the snark then they had to kiss and both of em were like oh hot damn. They were so cute together and I will forever hate Disney for making her choose Jake just for him to cheat on her like what was the reason. What was the reason 😭😭

7. Alejandro/Heather from TDI. Woo child buckle up. This is one of those slowburns cause it’s not until like a quarter in to the season you’re like hold up. Are they going where I think they’re going and then they did. I don’t like the ending cause seriously wtf was the point. But the lead up and bruh the stuck in a hole song I still sing that on a daily. They were literally made for each other.

8. Chad/Sonny from Sonny with a Chance: one thing about Disney they ate down when it comes to enemies to lovers, or annoyance to like, whatever you wanna call it. Chad Dylan Cooper and Sonny omg the drama was beautiful, they hated each other so much and when they started dating I bout passed out. Lol they were so hilarious together I miss it.

9. Raven/Beastboy from TT. This and next two aren’t super enemies to lovers, more live annoyances or belligerent sexual tension. But I really was obsessed with this, like I was the girl reading Terra bashing fics 😭😭 they were so cute, the Beast Within was ship gold, Nevermore, the fact that she holds onto to the penny he gives her when she ‘dies’ and oh he only turns into the Beast again to protect her from Slade and never again. Beautiful

10. Jimmy/Cindy from JN. They may have only been nine but sheesh the rivalry to lovers or in this case crushes was intense. Cindy was down bad since day one but she hid that shit so well. The Valentine’s Day episode still makes me giggle like a kid. And the last episode where they’re legit just straight up flirting with each other I can not. When she almost confesses when he’s the orange hulk. So cute.

Honarary mentions:

Jinx/Kid Flash from TT. They were cute but I hated it solely for the fact that it shoulda been me 😭😭🤧🤧

Sam/Freddie from icarly. Ok so I used to love this one and as I got older, Sam was just so fucking mean that I couldn’t ship like damn. At some point it’s not cute anymore, it’s just down right abusive, early seasons yes, later seasons where they’re actually together no.

Bakugo/Deku simply cause some days I think it’s cute other days I hate it

Mindy and Josh from Drake and Josh. Cute and amusing but didn’t care for em much.

Bailey and Code from Suite Life on Deck see above.

[kandadze]

Ep 33 loose thoughts

Poor PSJ, this is the *fourth* time now... and the last 😭 I love these star-crossed siblings so much. "Live on well." I sure fucking hope she can, drama!!!

Our guys are also very much Going Through It, and in a way I'm glad that we haven't been forced to see even more of WZY's gloating, I literally feel like flinging things at my screen when it shows his repulsive face.

Looking at ZYC and LL huddled together, ZYC hesitating to go along with the plan because it would mean LL dying, I'm again nearly crying at what could've been and now will never be. (Only in fix-it fics, I guess. At least we have that, right?)

The sound I made when LL wrapped his hand around ZYC's neck (as you do). Like I'm pretty sure that if there are any kinksters in the fandom, at least some of them will agree with me that ZYC and LL's interactions are the most physically charged, whether they fight each other or team up, and from brutal thrashing to this almost sensual neck hold, there's so much going on between them; they tick off so many boxes for me, personally. And the actors are selling it - just look at TJR's face during the power transfer moment, it's perfection. Ahem. (It doesn't hurt that his chemistry with YA is off the charts.)

Holy shit turns out he can just *send* his energy from the distance, he didn't have to touch ZYC at all...

Okay, I'm back on track and crying over him gifting ZYZ the rest of his power, leaving ZYZ in ZYC's care, giving ZYC the Truth Eye (!!!), and just basically marching off to his death, all to protect them and help them win...

Gods, their faces are killing me.

"I hope you can see the world clearly." I immediately flashed back to Ashitaka in Mononoke Hime, whose whole modus operandi is exactly that. I think ZYC has always had that quality, and especially since the nightmare breaking sequence in ep 6, he's never shied away from seeing things as they are (unless it's a shapeshifter demon pretending to be WX, I guess, but he learned really quickly lol).

Awwwww goddamnit ZYZ's faaaace! ZYC supporting him (and preventing him from going after LL)! LL's vow in the voice over! His last call to ZYC! Fuckkkk I hate it here 😭😭😭

(Also LL's true form! Loved it 😭😭😭)

The whole sequence with ZYZ putting wings on ZYC and then adding his attack to ZYC's was something else. Jaw on the floor, stopped breathing, glued to the screen, and did I mentioned stopped breathing? (And the fact that "yì," wing, is a part of ZYC's given name, just adds more meaning and *texture* to the whole thing.)

And that short moment of Li Lun's image superimposed on ZYC, reinforcing the Truth Eye! ::rewatches immediately::

Oh gods, the relief mixed with grief as they're looking at each other. I'll never be over these two.

Oh. Oh no. Something really bad is happening. What's this barrier? Why is ZYC blocked by it at the same time as Bai Jiu, who's in a completely different place? (And where on earth *is* Bai Jiu, did he go back to Chongwu Camp? Shouldn't he and PSJ have run to the Demon Hunting Bureau? We still don't know what happened with WX!) I'm so terrified you guys, what the hellllll

(This is becoming a habit for me, but-) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, DRAMA!!!???

(I will never be able to think of phoenixes the same way...) Okay I had every right to be terrified because this is fucking terrifying. If the guy is essentially immortal then they are, essentially, fucked, and not in a good way.

Oh gods, not Bai Jiu forcing his way through the barrier as it's burning him alive 😭😭😭

Oh gods, not ZYC returning the demonic power to ZYZ as WZY is choking him!! (hands off ZYC you creep, only LL can choke him! 😝😭)

ZYZ's face!!! (Seriously, HMH's acting in this drama, he embodied ZYZ so utterly and completely and I believe every emotion and every movement and every look from him. Soooo good.)

His demonic marks are so beautiful.

Huh, he's right. How did the one-word spell that gave ZYC wings actually work? He was supposed to be immune...

They care for each other so much, this fucking hurts. The *look* ZYC gives him to encourage him! (now I need to yell about TJR's acting! AAAAAA 😭)

Bai Jiu clutching ZYC's bells as he continues to slowly, painfully so, move forward (I already said how I feel about Lin Ziye's acting, but for a good measure - AAAAA!)... and then he sees ZYC reaching out to him!!!

....................

....................

😭😭😭

Oh gods, this was agonizing.

ZYZ just kneeling there in the snow as the ashes are swirling in the air around him, looking so broken, thinking he just killed ZYC with his spell.

And then the camera moving back to give us a wider view, just enough for us to see the hem of ZYC's garments, and his hand reaching out to ZYZ - again, always - to support him, to steady him. The way we're guided to look from their hands, shaking, clasping together, to their faces, their tears, hesitant smiles which then turn to relief and just pure exhaustion (but also wonder, because huh, the "break" spell didn't work on ZYC after all) is so, so well done. I'm still trying to calm my breathing.

And then ZYC's face when realization hits him, and cut to Bai Jiu's "goodbye." Fucking hell, of course they stopped here!

Am I gonna even survive the finale at this rate? 😭

[heroictoonz]

So, I finished Red vs Blue. Just now like not even a few seconds ago as of writing this post. It was, well to say it bluntly it wasn’t great. I didn’t agree with pretty much most of the endings for these characters and I wish the final season had been longer than less than an hour an a half. Most movies are longer than that these days. But, I will say, that I cried. I cried and sobbed and am still crying writing this because even if I didn’t like how it ended it didn’t end horribly and I can tell it ended in love. All the characters, the ones they had in the season at least, got their emotional 15 minutes of fame. Maybe Tucker didn’t get much at all but, I dunno. As the guy whose only personality trait is liking Tucker RvB I weirdly didn’t mind all too much. Donut wasn’t in it either but he did great in season 17 so I also don’t mind that too terribly.

I will say, I don’t think there was any hope of RvB having an ending that I, personally, would think was ‘good’ or ‘satisfying’. Not perfectly at least. And I don’t say this to be mean. But, this was clearly the kind of show that was meant to run on till it was forced to die. They probably weren’t planning on ending it when they did and it took the company getting taken to pasture for it to be over. With as much random bullshit that they crammed into this show I never much expected for it all to be focused on or tied up in the finale. And this show didn’t start as something that took itself very seriously, but the ending was clearly taken with so much heart and care in mind and that’s all I can ask for from this show, I think.

They ended the show where it began. In a box canyon. They ended the story with Allison and Leonard. The people who unknowingly started all of this in the first place. They did what they could to tie in other loose ends and bring in some really cool ideas to make the ending interesting and still it’s own fun story. It made me sad to watch, honestly. Most the characters I have spent so many years loving just didn’t get the best endings. And I was always afraid of that but, hey maybe I’ll write a fic to give them a better one. Maybe it’s the endings that the RT team thought was most fitting for all of them, and I can understand why. I just, personally, enjoy happy endings. This one wasn’t as happy. But, it had hope in it. Especially Carolina and Wash’s last part. I hate the idea of some of these characters being dead and never coming back. I hate the idea of Grif leaving and never seeing any of the others again. But I get it, I understand the ending and I’m content with it. As weird as that might seem, honestly.

Whenever I finish something I’m always reminded of this Doctor Who episode I watched as a kid where he talks about how much he hates endings. How he will tear the last page from books he reads so they never have to end. It’s funny that without fail I think of that episode, that scene. Because in that episode the Doctor is forced to face an ending. One he doesn’t want but accepts anyways. This is me rambling but, I think every time I finish something I love this much and have loved for this long, whether the ending it good or bad, I think I understand that random Doctor Who episode more and more each time.

Did I like the ending season of Red vs Blue? Not fully. The ideas were cool but as with most of this show the execution wasn’t the best in my opinion. But, maybe I’m just a hard ass lol. But the ending did make me laugh, it made me cry, it made me smile and stim and feel. The ending made me feel. And it was a pretty good send off to a pretty great show. And hell, they got an ending. That’s harder to come by these days. Maybe that’s all I can ask for from it. Maybe that’s why even in my tears I’m content more than any other emotion.

But, it’s also weird. Like a really long chapter of my life is closing. I think this is also where I have to officially accept what happened to RT. As someone who’s followed RWBY, RvB, and Camp Camp for a really long time not to mention the lives and their gaming channel and all of that, it feels weird? Kinda bad, honestly, to see it end. I’ve, admittedly, been avoiding it. Avoiding talking or thinking about it. And I doubt the guys told all the stories they had for this show, but I’m glad they got to end it. I’m glad they got at least that much.

It’s 2am and I have work in about 14 hours. I think I’m gonna go read fanfiction.

[adelaidedrubman]

4, 8, 10, 18 for the pride asks for both (or just one you think it's more relevant to) of ur far cry girlies

TY BELOVED these were great ones to think about and i did do each question for each girlie and am sorry, as always, for the long answers 💕

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

of all the reason she’s locally hated, bisexuality isn’t top of anyone’s list. although actually on second thought a significant portion of the hope county population has probably looked at johnjess and said “huh, i think i’m biphobic now.”

but in all seriousness there is ofc a montana circa 2018 level of biphobia in her life mandated by the setting. mostly only passing reference as far as what’s actually on the page because that’s the only capacity in which it’s fun for Me, The Author to explore it. and because jestiny doesn’t hang out with straight people. which also is really only because as god of the universe i decide every character from canon i like enough to write about must in some way be not cishet. i’ve done many cruel things to mary may, but i won’t do that

and as for family of origin, jestiny certainly did not receive much support. her parents and extended family were mostly bible belt evangelicals and took that to heart, so. not a lot of pride flags hung up in the windows growing up.

that being said, her extended family never really learned she was bisexual because she never voluntarily socialized with them, so they never knew they had anything to disapprove of. in part because her parents’ open disapproval mostly took the I Pretend I Do Not See It/this is one of her many Difficult Phases form of biphobia. this isn’t a problem because it isn’t really happening, and if it is she’ll grow out of it. teenage jestiny stomping through the house screaming “BYE everyone i’m going out on A DATE with my GIRLFRIEND who i KISS WITH TONGUE because i LIKE WOMEN AND MEN” and her mother saying “that’s great sweetie i’m glad you’re finally making some gal pals and developing a positive attitude tell the boys you’re going on your double date with to have you back before curfew” (she goes no contact with her father and never tells her mother anything about her personal life in adulthood so to them this is where it left off forever)

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

nothing that deep. it was probably a very easy childhood trip to the library to get on the computer and go “google am i gay quiz. whoa bisexual you can do that?? ok that’s out of the way. wikipedia chinook salmon” for her. and her natural contrarian disposition has helped keep her from internalizing most of the bigotry she was taught she should be internalizing. those signs won’t stop her because she can’t read etc.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

idk why my first thought was that sasuke fic line like “i don’t dance! what’s pride what do they have to be proud of?” anyways yeah every year she goes to the bars with rainbow flags to pick up chicks and bi men then gets piss mad about the place being full of overpriced rainbow shots that are mostly water and food dye and Straight Allies and yells and complains and leaves belligerently announcing she’s going to go actually celebrate pride by catching rainbow trout if you even care. local bisexual woman finds a way to get less ass during pride month than any other month of the year

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

copy paste what i said above about montana circa 2018 but substitute lesbophobia. although ig 2018 jenna would be experiencing less of it on the day to day since her primary social circle is eden’s “We Like Gay” gate. which brings us to yes, her primary canon environment is supportive.

prior to her time in the project her main environment was academic institutions in the greater san francisco area so. yes, she was assured, constantly, very loudly, of how approving her environment was, like the most approving place on earth, basically perfect, and they’re waiting for her applause. (that being said being where she was did give her above average opportunities to connect with other queer people and find a personal community she gelled with.)

as for her family of origin, this is the one part of her life her parents are unconditionally supportive about. “mom, dad: i’m a lesbian” -> “yay, good to know!” vs. “mom, dad: i’m switching career fields from the natural to the social sciences” -> screaming crying throwing up how could you disappoint your family like this what will we tell people where did we go wrong. also they have disapproved of every woman she’s ever brought home but never for the being a woman thing.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

nah, identity is a very flexible and mostly social communication thing for jenna in general so there’s never been a lot of identity formation drama for her, including wrt gender and sexuality. which isn’t to say she doesn’t reflect on it, but it’s more intellectualizing than struggling to come to terms with anything about herself. same with external challenges, she perceives them but intellectualizes it without taking much to heart or feeling any type of way about it, as is her wont.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

she does, jenna has a lot of appreciation for cultural observations and attending sociql events in general, so. if there’s a big pride event near her she’s probably stopping by, albeit often more as a spectator than as an active participant celebrating herself and her community. but she shows up, and may put a pride flag in her window

AAAAAAAND FOR GENERAL:

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

i usually define them with whatever is the best familiar term available in character descriptions even if they tend not to define themselves with the same terminology or wouldn’t specificy at all in universe. i don’t always have a character’s sexuality nailed down on day one, but some form of wlw is the default starting point bc write what you know and want to see more of and such. so far i don’t have any ocs that have been adapted for vastly different universes, so i haven’t had to think about whether to change labels to reflect changed circumstances.

also for the record, i would write a straight oc if their being straight was really necessary to the plot or they were a funny side character or something

[enchantedchocolatebars]

So, do you remember the M/il/f-understanding story?

Can you please write a fanfiction about how Luz has a nightmare where her fears turn out to be true and her mom starts dating Belos?

A Camielos (Camila x Belos) Crack Wedding (Crack Fic)

(The M/ il/f-understanding fic is here)

During Camila's wedding ceremony, Luz and Vee sat together in a pew holding hands while all dressed up, flowers in their hair.

Vee's hair was styled in a cute bun while Luz's hair was more slicked back.

The pews behind them were packed with their friends and family.

"I'm so excited!" Vee told Luz with a bright smile.

Luz giggled. "Me too!" she replied.

The two girls gaze at the altar where Camila is standing at with a smile.

A tuxedo was being worn by the mother.

She was the groom.

Camila was getting married to a man who she had been secretly dating for some time.

Today was the day where everyone would see his face for the first time.

Seeing her mom so happy made Luz want to cry.

She tried her hardest not to though.

Luz was just so overjoyed that her mother found love again.

"Ooo, here he comes!" Vee beamed as she, Luz, and the other guests in the church watched the mystery bride make his way down the aisle.

Despite not being able to see his face, they all thought he was beautiful.

The man had on the most gorgeous gown.

Once the bride took his place at the altar, Tinella Nosa, facing the pair behind a podium, began to speak.

She was the marriage officiant.

Due to the small, round demon's short height, she was perched on a tall stack of phone books, with a black and white notebook in her hand that had a sticky note attached to it with the words 'Prayer Book' labeled on the front.

"By the power vested into me, and blah-blah-blahbity-blah, I now pronounce you man and woman. Hooray!" She looks to Camila with a smile. "I give you permission to kiss the bride!"

Camila gave a small nod to the red head and then turned to her husband with a soft smile.

She was fortunate to have him in her life.

Hands go to slowly lift the love of her life's veil.

"Finally," Vee giddily whispered, shaking with excitement. "After all this time, we get to see his face!"

"I know!" Luz whispered back to her friend with a quiet giggle. "This is gonna be great!"

She couldn't wait.

When the veil of the mystery man is lifted, Luz lets out a horrified gasp when she sees who's under it. "Wait, BELOS?!?!"

Luz's shock is not shared by any other guests as they all cheer.

Her mother has been dating HIM?!

This was a nightmare.

"Hey, what the heck! Why are you all cheering?!" She asks, but she doesn't receive a response and is ignored.

Belos happily hops into the arms of his lady love as Camila holds her bride with great care.

Their eyes are filled with love as they look at each other.

"Camila Noceda," Belos began as he cupped her cheek lovingly.

His long grey and blonde hair was beautifully braided in a ponytail with flowers tucked in.

"I have always loved you," He passionately proclaims.

Camila giggles, her lids lowering. "And I have always loved you."

"OH, GROSS!" Luz comments with disgust at their loving words.

As they get ready to kiss, she gasps once more and her eyes widen. "NOOOOO!!!"

...

"NOOOOO!!!" Luz screamed in her sleep as she opened her eyes and quickly sat up.

After noticing that she was in her bed, she breathed out a sigh.

"Thank Titan it was only a dream. A horrible, horrible, dream."

She gave a groan when the thought of Belos came to her mind. "Ugh, I hate him so much," she grumbled. "I seriously hope he gets hit by a--"

Luz hears the sound of a car screeching outside as it collides into something before hearing a monstrous shriek.

"... car." Luz finishes her sentence with a small smirk as she happily goes back to sleep, a cute cat-like smile curling up on her lips.

[basiatlu]

Thanks for tagging me @lqtraintracks and @goblinmatriarch 🤭💖✨

-Three Ships-: ok so last time I avoided hp ships so let’s make them all hp-centric! I mean Drarry as an easy shot, then there’s Wolfstar (but it always makes me really sad so only little nibbles), and finally Ginny serves as my village bicycle where I enjoy her paired with almost anyone I deem compatible as I want to see her thriving in life and experiencing fun and safe partners and finding herself etc etc I adore her. How’s that for a run-on sentence?

-First Ship-: was totally SasuSaku which was then a gateway drug to shipping the angsty boy with Naruto because early internet image searches, man.

-Last Song-: “Blue Spotted Tail” by Fleet Foxes

-Last Movie-: Gunpowder Milkshake - so good about 8/10 for me!

-Currently Reading-: reading through my paired fics for the upcoming Big Bang fest

-Last Thing I Wrote Drew-: yesterday’s drawtober prompt

-Currently Writing Drawing-: today’s drawtober prompt (totally not even procrastinating - not even a little bit)

-Are you named after anyone?-: I am! There’s the Polish jazz singer, Basia Trzetrzelewska. My mom is a big fan hehehe

-Favorite Subject in School-: History! Ancient history specifically

-Do you have kids?-: No, but I do have a circus of cats. They’re currently on a diet and have made the last month a terrible time for my sleep health lolz

-When was the last time you cried?-: so I have overactive tear ducts? So if I laugh I cry and I usually hit a breaking point everyday where I laugh hysterically at something. Today it was a sticker order a customer at work had ordered of an ms paint tracing of a Scooby-Doo ai splice gen where Scooby is eating the Mystery Gang in a giant hoagie sandwich. Yeah. Me and my co workers printed it out to pin to the wall as I cry/laugh/sobbed at my desk.

-Do you use sarcasm a lot?-: Yes but also no but also I just make fun of myself constantly and intentionally act stupid. It’s a great ploy to get others to lower their defenses around you. Not out of malicious intent, just I don’t take myself too seriously in order to save that energy for when it matters. Like when I have to intensely support my friends and partner with very serious-mode love and affection. … this doesn’t make any sense.

-What sports do you play/have played?-: soccer, softball, and swim <— I hate competitive sports and never stuck with them long than a year or I just was a filthy casual doing summer seasons/clubs. I’m more of a hiker and leisure gal.

-What’s the first thing you notice about people?-: the way they hold their shoulders and hands, secondary is their eyebrows and nose. It’s all demeanor and posture for me.

-Any special talents?-: gosh um I can cook really well. Honestly I don’t like eating out and neither does my partner because we turn to each other after and go “Eh it was ok but…” and wish I had done it at home instead. I can fold and make odd shapes with my tongue, can crinkle my fingers in odd ways (double jointed, but they lock badly so no thank you), and I can do some fucking weird voices/imitations but I chicken out in front of others beyond like 3 people, unfortunately for those 3

-Where we’re you born?-: Canada

-What are your hobbies?-: video games, tarot card readings, cooking, drawingdrawingdrawing, and reading

-How tall are you?-: I hover somewhere between 5’6” and 5’7”

-Dream Job-: comic artist / self-employed artist with occasional contract work for publishing/movies. I think if I could completely support myself and have a savings with a Patreon or the like that would make me so accomplished and at ease.

Ok enough of that!! I tag people now, yeah? @mono-chromia @hihimissamericanbi @littlewinnow

[stitch1830]

Hey, first time here!

I've been thinking a lot about kantoph lately (I'm probably always thinking about them lol) and I'd like to know how you think kanto would react if toph was kidnapped and seriously injured

I really think he would freak out, especially when he finally found her cuz he was starting to lose hope to ever see her again

Ouch my heart hurts

(Sorry if my english is bad, it's not my first language and I'm still learning)

:O :D Hi hi hello, Anon! So happy you stopped by to chat about Kantoph. They bring me so much joy and I love rambling about them :)

But yes lets chat about this scenario!

It's funny you mention this scenario, because my Kantoph partner-in-crime, @wangsfires, and I are hoping to write a collaborative work about this! Here are some of our thoughts for a fic we'd like to write:

Toph and Kanto are in a secret relationship, mostly because she's the chief and he's her deputy, and a relationship within the workplace can get a bit messy. So, they sneak around, stay at each other's places, and their feelings for each other do grow a lot. Kanto wants to make their relationship more public, but Toph is still scared to. It leads to a fight in the middle of the night, and she walks off to her place, but gets attacked on a wooden bridge on her way back.

She wakes up and doesn't know where she is, but she knows she's in a wooden cell, and the kidnappers eventually reveal themselves to be part of a triad/gang that she helped put away, and they're seeking revenge. There's a bit of torture during this part, many many ouchies—

Kanto, of course, would be beside himself. In this scenario, he's upset mostly because he can't show his true feelings in the office while he's trying to find her. Everyone thinks he's upset because the chief is missing, but he's upset because he loves Toph, and he didn't tell her. He didn't fight for her to stay at his place, and because of this, he feels responsible for her being kidnapped. If they're too late when they find her, he'd never forgive himself. He also hates that it took for Toph to be kidnapped for him to realize what he feels for her.

But eventually, he does find her. They find where the kidnappers are holding her, and he comes to the rescue. Kanto takes Toph in his arms and she doesn't hesitate to hug him back, and before she passes out from the pain, she tells him that she loves him—

Kanto doesn't leave her bedside for one second while she's recovering. He holds her hand, kisses her knuckles, talks to her while she rests. When she does wake, Kanto is so relieved, but still feels so guilty for not doing more. But Toph tells him that he saved her, that he's the reason she kept fighting even when she couldn't see in the wooden cell, when the beat her for revenge. She told herself that if she got out alive, that she'd tell Kanto how she felt about him. And now, they're together and they go through this recovery period together and Kanto isn't gonna leave her side— :')

Now, if Kanto and Toph were together and it was known, he'd go a little dark trying to find her. He'd stop at nothing to find her, to get her back in his arms. He knows that Toph's a fighter, and so he's gonna fight for her.

I agree that if she was held captive for a while, he'd lose a little bit of hope. But the clues start to come together, and eventually he finds her (I also think that she'd probably try to make her escape until she's eventually successful).

When they reunite, Toph collapses in his arms and he's just so relieved to see her again. They both cry, and he's by her side the entire time.

What I love about this scenario is the hurt/comfort that comes with it, but also the fact that Toph can lean on Kanto during this situation. She doesn't always have to be the strong one, and Kanto will be there for her—

Okay, I've rambled probably way too much for a simple ask, but I just can't help it! Big fan of Kantoph, right here. But, if there's anything missing, @wangsfires feel free to add to it!

Thank you so much for the question, Anon! If you have any others about Kantoph, Toph, Kanto, or anything ATLA related, feel free to stop by again! Hope you have a great day!

......

Send me asks about ATLA, LOK, or anything, really! :D

[protags-fic-blog]

Otometober Day 4 - Rewrite the Disappointment

So. Very similar to @hellcatinnc, my biggest disappointment lies in Variable Barricade. Love Ichiya. Favorite guy. But, 2nd board, the crying scene just doesn't sit well with me! Hibari says herself that it weirded her out... like, come ON. You spent your whole beginning trying to get him to be himself, now he's vulnerable and she just doesn't treat him right. I know she's naive and such, but it's another moment where Hibari is her biggest problem. I had to cut the scene a little bit short though (different media means different restrictions, and I'm on a time crunch. sorry!). Fic is below the cut!

Any Other Way - Ichiya Mitsumori

———

"Ichiya?" I called out, but the room was empty. It looked like it had been ransacked, sure, but it was empty. The Ichiya I knew wouldn't live in a place like this. Maybe Taiga and Shion were just teasing me.

I was beginning to doubt that he had been here at all when I heard a muffled gasp. I walked in the direction of the sound, but it only occurred to me after another gasp to look down.

There, huddled under his bed sheets, was Ichiya. I could see his blue hair poking out from underneath. "Ichiya?" I prompted again, nudging him lightly with my foot, "are you sick?"

He sniffled underneath, and I was about to call for someone to make chicken soup, when he revealed himself. His eyes were puffy and red, and he looked down at the floor in shame. "You should go, I don't want you to see me like this," he mumbled.

Instead of leaving like he asked, I crouched down, lightly pulling the sheet from off his head. His hair was in messy tangles, far from his usual style. There was a bit of shine to it too. I couldn’t tell if it was leftover product or evidence of his depressive state. I brushed it away fro his eyes, and shifted to sit down. “Why are you crying? Surely I didn’t hit you that hard,” I teased, trying to cheer him up.

To my disbelief, he cried harder. I wasn’t even sure how he could have so many tears. But finally, when the waterworks slowed enough for him to speak, the one word that left his lips was ‘you’.

My eyes widened in disbelief. “Ichiya, really, it’s-“ “I made you hate me.”

I launched in to trying to comfort him, but each word I spoke only made him cry harder. Finally, I could only think of four words left to say. "I don't hate you."

He looked at me like I had horns growing out of my head. "You... Don't?"

Before I could respond, he sobbed again. "I ruined our date... I took your first kiss... I made you mad and I still can't find a way to fix this! God, I look so pathetic right now, crying in front of a girl," he trailed off, sniffling.

It was hard to deny that he looked a little pathetic. Out of all the men here, it was him that I least expected it from. He was always so sure of himself... could it be that it was just a facade?

I reached up to wipe the tears off his cheeks, trying to take him a little seriously. He pushed my hand away gently, as if he thought I was taking pity on him. "I just can't seem to get to you. Nothing I ever say means anything to you! I should just give up already, I never even had a fighting chance."

"Ichiya... I know you care." He closed his eyes, as if he didn't want to hear me. He probably thought I was just trying to be nice to him. I had to do something, not just say something this time. I took a deep breath in, quelling my minor discomfort about being so close to him, and now moved closer.

I wrapped my arms around his torso and placed my head on his shoulder. His tears bled through the thin fabric of my shirt, and I could tell he was still crying hard. "You can do this. Just... trust in yourself a little bit more. Don't give up, okay?" "But-" "No. Giving up is giving up your chance. Relationships have rough patches like this, y'know. We can work through it if we try. You've got to pull through," I told him.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. "You're right. I've got to pull myself together. For you."

I pulled back to look at him, and shook my head. "Don't do it for me. Just be you, okay? If this is you right now, then I wouldn't have it any other way."

The way he looked at me was intoxicating. It felt good to know that I was loved. Having gone without it, I knew exactly what Ichiya felt. Even if I couldn't yet look at him the same way, I could at least let him know that I care too. I gave him a smile, then leaned forward to place a small kiss on his cheek. When I pulled away, he seemed dumbstruck. "You're... You're sure?" "I wouldn't say it if I wasn't. Not any other way."

[purplemys]

A ship tier list I didn't bother finish visualizing and some of them will be discussed in depth because I want to.

Changed My Life refers to the ships with the most impact on me emotionally. Like make me cry because the writing's just that good. DabiHawks isn't even canon but I need to say that a lot of its authors are the best. 😌 The reason they're at the top is for their range of interpretations. While I have a preference for Childhood Friends AUs, the best include Enemies to Lovers and Post-war Healing fics.

InuKag is a staple of the romance anime genre. They're just the right blend of sweet and angsty. They have a dynamic consisting of Hero/Damsel in Distress, Battle Couple, Team Dad/Mom, Jaded/Sunshine. Any other dynamic would become OOC or even toxic. Like say if Inuyasha or Kagome were more verbally and physically aggressive. (Yes this is shade towards the anime's version of Kagome.)

Now Band-do/Jin-joo is the most grounded and realistic of the three. InuKag and DabiHawks are fantastic and dramatic but the writing for these two is too good to ignore.

CUTE!!! is for the ships that make me go 😍🥰 but not much else. Sure, Soukoku, Jaspvid, Bubbline, Stolitz, Fizzie and Blizz (Blitzo x Fizz) have that Childhood Friends or We Have History appeal, I already see more of that in DabiHawks writing and if only it was canon, I'd ascend. 😭

Okay is just the ships I think are alright but I'm not absolutely swooning over, looking art and fics for. I did briefly for Marin/Gojou and Urabe/Akira but that was it.

Hm, Why? is just my automatic shipper brain activating when I was in those fandoms. Nothing ground-breaking. Some might even say, questionable. 🤷‍♀

Fix It and I'll Consider are those ships that I want to enjoy because I know it was ruining aspects of the films. Thankfully, Blizz handles the We Were Tricked and Now We Hate Each Other trope than InuKik because there's no doubt that those two were super close but still had a basis of why they'd think to resent each other. Inuyasha and Kikyou are shallow and so "tragic" I couldn't take them seriously. Kikyou's character and her relationship with Inuyasha also have this unfortunate problem of tell, don't show where the show tells us they have a deep bond then goes to show how lonely and desperate they were and how okay Kikyou was with putting Inuyasha in danger (even post-resurrection).

Haruki/Sakura during the first half of the movie wasn't cute. I didn't find her endearing. She'd be weird and creepy if she was a guy, I don't care if she basically told the guy she was gonna die in a few years. My suspension of disbelief isn't that big for a film grounded in reality.

I'll be talking about Go Back Couple and its ships in another post. ^^

[marley-manson]

VERY LATE BUT FOR THE FANDOM ASK THING: Xena and devilman

Thank you!

Xena:

The first character I first fell in love with: 

XENA!!! It actually took me a few seasons to really start to like Gabrielle lol, but Xena was obviously a fave.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Look I def can't say I love him lol, but Joxer really did grow on me eventually and I really didn't expect that. I went from seriously considering dropping the show when I realized he was going to be in many, many episodes, to crying a little when he died. Honestly I think the tipping point was Deja Vu All Over Again. I enjoyed his performance there so it made the actor himself less annoying to watch subsequently.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Ephiny? I have very little interest in any of the individual Amazons, but fandom is often into them. I don't dislike them, but I don't really care.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

It's not that everyone hates him, he has his own fanbase, but Ares as a Xena/Gab shipper lol. I love him but it kinda sucks because it means I'm wary about reading X/G fic where he's the villain. I don't mind him being a villain ofc, but he gets written so badly so often. One dimensional evil abusive ex Ares is an instant back-button (though tbf that's also bc it fucks with Xena as a power fantasy lol)

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

I liked Livia just fine but hated Eve lol, does that count?

The character I would totally smooch: 

GABRIELLE <333

The character I’d want to be like: 

Xena lol, she's the ultimate power fantasy.

The character I’d slap: 

Joxer oh my god even if I did grow a little fond of him I still want to murder him a lot of the time.

A pairing that I love:

Xena/Gabrielle, and also Gabrielle/Aphrodite and Xena/Ares, usually as more emotionally one-sided where Gab and Xena are still more hung up on each other but Dite and Ares are strung along, or in Ares' case he plays second fiddle to a more important platonic relationship. Oh also Eve/Varia is good in theory but I've never seen any good fic for them. And Xena/Alti. And Callisto/Xena or Callisto/Gab. And Najara/Gab!! And Mel/Janice. Frankly there are so many good f/f ships that should have more fic.

A pairing that I despise: 

Joxer/Gabrielle I guess lol? I get some enjoyment out of Ares/Xena in the show, I get 0 from Joxer's crush on Gab.

Devilman:

The first character I first fell in love with: 

Ryo! Obviously he was fave material from the start, I knew what I was getting into.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Miki! She's surprisingly awesome and fun both in the manga and the Crybaby adaption.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Hm, the Crybaby version of Akira sucks imo, and I assume most people love him.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

A lot of people hated Crybaby Ryo lol, but probably not the majority, just some loud weirdos. Idk, who's hated?

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

Saying Akira here bc I love him in the manga, do not like him in Crybaby, which is more recent.

The character I would totally smooch: 

Crybaby Miki is like exactly my irl type lol

The character I’d want to be like: 

I guess Crybaby Miki is like the only character who isn't a hot mess, and I would really admire her if I knew her irl. Totally get Miko lol.

The character I’d slap: 

Crybaby Akira, please chill tf out dude.

A pairing that I love:

Akira/Ryo ofc, they're the blueprint, but man I love Miki/Miki in Crybaby too, nothing like putting the original no homo love interest in lesbians.

A pairing that I despise: 

Akira/Miki

[panther-os]

Panther's 9-1-1 & Lone Star Fic Recs

(aka the fics that live in my head rent free - but not all of them i decided to narrow it down from 30+ to 17)

Lone Star Fics

every beat of you, every measure and note (series) | M | Hurt/comfort and recovery from major injuries, A pretty medically accurate AU dealing with the kind of injuries Carlos should have after being beat over the head as hard as he was at the end of 4.03. The amount of research that clearly went into this fic is staggering for a worked tagged 'Medical Inaccuracies' in a fandom that's basically the medical inaccuracies show. The symptoms Carlos shows are directly analogous to the parts of the brain under the part of his skull where he was bleeding. by @decafdino

PS: I still love you, too | E | Alternate reconciliation fic, TK is called to pick up a very drunk Carlos from a bar and Carlos says some things he can't ignore. It will make you cry at first. by @noxsoulmate

It takes two (to make a house a home) | U | Fluff and minor miscommunication, Carlos holds TK's hoodie hostage. by @marjansmarwani

Begged and Borrowed Time | E | Period AU, TK arrives in Austin in 1915 looking for work and is directed to the Reyes family ranch where he meets the very attractive heir, Carlos. by IBoatedHere

10-4, I Love You | G | Fluff fic, TK accidentally turns on Carlos' radio while flirting with him. by @bellakitse

treading the riptide | G | Alternate first meeting, TK is kicked out of his ex's apartment and then his neighbor literally trips over him. by bucksreyes

Vet Pups and Set Ups | T | Alternate first meeting, Carlos is Buttercup's veterinarian and Owen does some matchmaking. by IBoatedHere

9-1-1 Fics

I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends to This) | E | Idiots to Lovers, Eddie and Buck move in together, get married, start sleeping together literally and figuratively, and start talking about having more kids - all before they realize they love each other. This fic has some of my favorite freeform tags ever. by morganofthefairies

the ravi fic | T | Humor and miscommunication, Ravi makes (totally valid) assumptions about the A-shift dynamics. by archerincombat

the kermit verse (series) | T | Crack treated seriously, Buck and Christopher teach Eddie about memes with mixed results. by hattalove

I, Hildy | M | Humor, Eddie's feud with technology continues. by red_to_black

Your Fingers Smeared on My Heart (Lead Me Back to You) | E | Period AU and reincarnation AU, Eddie and Buck were doomed by circumstances in 1880 but 2018 is a brand new century. by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

What's Died Will Never Stay Dead | T | Old Guard AU, Everybody on A-shift is immortal, except for maybe Buck. by @hmslusitania

i like you so much (it's kinda gross) | E | Social media AU, Eddie is an MMA fighter and Buck is a thirsty fan, potentially the thirstiest. by brewrosemilk and stardustbuddie

Crossover Fics

i bet my hand fits right in your hand | T | Fluff and Humor and Light Angst, Immediately after Hold the Line, Buck has his bi awakening via repeatedly deepthroating his foot in TK's dms. by blob_blob

Those Two Firefighters | T | Crack treated seriously, Eddie and Buck have an in-universe fandom, including members of the 126. by DarkFairytale

Chaotic Energy (series) | M | Angst and Feels and Misunderstandings, TK and Buck bond while Carlos, Eddie, Bobby, and Owen have a collective heart attack. by @dancer-me