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hiddenzev · 2 months ago

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Second Confession: Final Part

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Something happened to reader, causing Joel to take care of her. A happily ever after.

Chapter Warnings - Fluff, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 13.3K

series masterlist, AO3

A/N: The hardest chapter for me to write yall that's why it took me longer to write. It could be better but I hope you guys love the closure. Thank you for taking the time to read this story!!

Breathing in the crisp and refreshing morning air, leaving fresh hoof prints in the snow that has piled up over the night, you’re out for the supply run with Joel this morning. It had started snowing a few days after that night at the bar like you guessed. With one horse each, both of you are riding along the trees in the woods in silence.

Ever since the outburst of emotions between you and him, he has been keeping true to the words of giving you as much time and space as you need before coming around to him again and he took it way too seriously. You never see him in the library after that or the town hall or anywhere else. As a matter of fact, it’s like he has disappeared from the face of this earth. He is avoiding you as much as possible.

You use that time to comprehend everything that happened during that exchange and properly consider the actions that you should take after that. The apology from him was unexpected and it caught you off guard. Time and time again, you would see the big brown puppy eyes that were gazing into yours, begging you for forgiveness, in your head throughout the whole day. The sincerity that you see from the desperation in his eyes, the trembling of his strained voice, moist lush lips from his constant nervous licking to the soft touch of his fingers on yours. You have never seen this side of him up close before and it shook your determination to not let him get to you again.

During those days that you didn’t see him, it felt kind of empty. It’s the first time he was out of your sight for more than a day and you get the feeling of ambivalence. On one side, you get to think more clearly without him affecting you in a physical way but on the other hand, you miss him a little bit. The constant consumption of his presence vanished and it bombarded you with the longing to see him even if it is just for a second.

He definitely needs to show more through his actions if he wants to be forgiven. You’re not going to let him off the hook easily just by him apologising like he did that night. Like he said, he should do whatever it takes to make it all up to you. At the same time, you want to be a better person and not treat him like shit at least. To give him the chance to prove himself that he do want your forgiveness.

The silence of the supply run is suffocating but you don’t mind it as you make up for the time that you were not able to see him by staring at him from the back as long as you can. As much as he frustrates you, you will never get bored of looking at him. As if he could sense that you were staring at him, he glances back to say that you both are nearing the first checkpoint to take a break. By this time during your usual patrols, the both of you would have already start to make your way back to Jackson. This is going to be way more taxing but you know you got to push through it.

Surrounded by some bushes and trees, you and Joel are sitting facing each other, resting. You packed enough food for at least 2 days, packing as light as possible for the travels and supplies. You’re munching on the last few bites of your sandwich when Joel hands a small cup of his coffee to you. You raise your eyebrows at him, not expecting him to share any of his beloved coffee with you. He points with his chin, telling you to drink it.

“Thank you.”

You hand him the cup back after finishing the coffee within a couple of gulps. You didn’t bring any coffee with you unlike Joel who is definitely a caffeine addict. Coffee is a scarce resource so to have him sharing it with you is definitely surprising when he doesn’t even want to share it with Tommy.

“I think we should pick up the pace if we want to reach there before it gets dark,” he says while looking out at the sky.

“Okay. Let’s move on now.”

You stand up and brush off the food crumbs and dirt on your pants. You move to your horse and make sure everything is alright before getting on it. Joel’s eyes follow your every movement and slowly make his way to his horse.

“Cmon Miller, we’ve got no time. Pick up the pace.” you jokingly nag at him as you watch him strap his stuffs back on the horse.

The goofiness in you just want to poke some fun at him since the whole trip from the start has been a boring nightmare. Raw dogging the whole ride on a horse with a quiet and stoic man like your partner is actually brutal to your sanity right now.

He looks back at you, annoyed. You want to let out a laugh so bad but you keep it in. Instead, a small smirk creeps out of your mouth as you look down at him. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of your smile, you turn your head to the side to hide it. Joel glares at you but his eyes soften when he catches that smirk of yours that you are trying to hide from him. He almost smile but straighten himself out and gets on the horse.

Both of you make your way to the designated spot to search for supplies in a faster speed than before. Eventually, you and Joel arrive there a couple hours before the sun goes down. From a distance, you can see there is a couple of cabin houses. Joel slows down and you follow suit, sensing that you should be cautious and ready if anything is going to happen. You scan the surrounding areas with sharp eyes, not wanting to miss something weird going on.

Joel leads you to a nearby tree to the nearest house, tying the horses to it. With rifles already gripped, both of you look at each other to discuss the plan.

Joel steps closer to you, eyes unwavering, whispering the plan, “We’ll check the houses one by one first. You stay close behind me and check our six. You see something, you let me know,” you nod, staring into his eyes, “If there’s no one, we’ll discuss more after. Ready? Stay sharp.”

“Stay sharp.” You echo his words and with determined glint in yours and Joel’s eyes, both of you start walking slowly to the nearest house first.

Joel is moving forward while you are checking the six, moving backwards towards Joel. You scan slowly if there’s anything or anyone hiding behind the trees. There’s no boot prints or any animal prints in sight except yours and Joel’s as you move. Reaching the first house, Joel opens the door easily as it wasn’t locked. Everything seems intact in their respective places, dusts everywhere meaning there wasn’t anyone that came around recently. But still, both of you are careful in exploring the place.

Joel and you check out the other houses as well and as you thought, this whole area hasn’t been infiltrated by anybody else for quite some time. There is an empty shed right beside the first cabin which Joel uses to shelter the horses for the night. After ransacking the houses, the both of you move the supplies found to the same shed and pack the things properly for the ride back to Jackson tomorrow.

The sun is setting once both of you are done with it and Joel is getting ready to warm the place up using the fireplace in the house. There’s only one couch that is big enough for one person to lie down on. Other than that, there are only a couple of wooden chairs around. You push the couch nearer to the fireplace and sits down on one side of it, watching Joel lit the fireplace up.

After making sure the fire is burning okay on its own, Joel moves back to the other end of the couch. You can hear his knees cracking as he sits, sighing heavily as his head reach the back of the couch. He closes his eyes as he listens to the cracking of the fire. You turn to look at him resting, taking in everything that you can to memory. His chest moving up and down slowly as he breathes. Noticing his beard and hair thicker and longer than it was a couple weeks before.

“I can feel you staring at me.” he speaks, breaking the silence in the cabin.

You look away to gaze at the fire as if you were not just staring at him.

“I wasn’t,” you deny.

“Yeah right.” He opens his eyes slightly to look at you while you tried to maintain your lie by focusing on the fire.

It is getting awkward again so you take out the food that you stored in your bag to eat for your dinner. Distracting yourself with food, Joel does the same thing, taking out a small packet of salad to eat. You notice that he was only eating greens which makes you wonder how the hell is he getting the strength without any protein in his food. The meat lover in you wouldn’t survive with just greens but hey, beggars can’t be choosers, you get it.

“Just salad?” You subconsciously frown as you ask him.

He snaps his head to you, surprised that you are making conversation with him, “No. I was short on protein. Only had the jerky which I stupidly left in my kitchen.” He looks forlorn like a kid being sad about the candy that dropped on the floor.

You hand him one of your leftover sandwiches that you have. You don’t mind giving him one because you made a bunch of sandwiches which is more than enough for you alone. He shakes his head refusing to take it.

“It’s fine. It’s your portion for tomorrow.” He refuses while picking at his salad.

“Nah, I’m good. I have more than enough.” You reassure him, not taking a no for an answer.

He takes the sandwich with hesitation, thanking you and takes a small bite out of it. You finish yours while glancing at him from time to time, making sure he is finishing his meal. He tries to hand you his coffee after the dinner but you refuse it this time because you needed to sleep soon. Both of you are slumping against the couch, legs stretched out, falling into the comfort of the night. You are in a daze as you stay still, fire gazing, before he speaks again.

“I read your letter.” He murmurs in a soft voice.

You keep quiet thinking about the letter that you wrote. You can vaguely remember word for word but you definitely know the highlights of it. Your face burns from the embarrassment again.

“I didn’t know how deep your feelings were before reading it. I’m sorry again for being a dick.”

You look down on your hands, not knowing where to look and what to say.

“I love the horse piece by the way. It’s beautiful. You should try to carve more often.” His eyes focuses on you when you turn your head to him.

His eyes twinkles with the reflection of the fire in front of the both of you.

“I thought you must have thrown it away after seeing your reaction that night,” Looking away from him, reminiscing what happened.

“I didn’t,” he shakes his head, feeling disappointed in himself for reacting badly.

The silence grow stronger as he is wallowing in sorrow of that night.

“How about the, uh, guitar pick?” In a quiet voice you ask.

He huffs softly thinking about it, “It’s so corny.” A small curl at the end of his mouth appears as he talks about it, his eyes everywhere else but you. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling shy from talking about it or maybe it’s just you that is affecting him.

“Ellie saw it one time and kept pestering me about why I didn’t tell her that I found it.” He shakes his head, almost smiling, remembering how annoying Ellie was with the bad jokes.

“So you didn’t tell her how?” you’re full on looking at him now, intrigue with this openness from him.

“I didn’t,” he shakes his head and glance at you with an unreadable gaze, “want it to be my own little secret for a bit.”

You blink a couple times at him, flustered by his reply. Meanwhile, his eyes are gazing into yours without a blink. You clear your throat, adjusting your position a little trying to be nonchalant about it.

“Did you tell her about the gifts? Because she’s been on my ass about it recently.” He continues the conversation.

“Yeah. Knew she’s gonna kick your ass about it. Can’t say you didn’t deserve it though…” you shrug your shoulders, giving him an awkward look.

“I still do deserve it.” He sits up and lean forward to rest his elbows on his thighs.

“I want to let you know that I am sincere with everything that I said that night. I’m terrible with this…feelings stuff but,” he pauses to look at you, “I will do my best to regain your affection.” He says in a firm and soothing tone.

Hearing his determination to redeem himself outright to you, it makes you speechless. You just have to see through his actions as time goes by. He breaks the eye contact and stands up to pick up his rifle.

“I’ll take the first shift. Get some sleep.” He takes a couple seconds to look at you, making sure you’re okay before making his way out of the door to check if there’s anything dangerous outside.

You proceed to lie down on the sofa, resting your head on the arm rest as you face the ceiling. Too tired to think of the conversation with Joel a couple of minutes ago, you fall into a deep slumber almost straight away.

Your eyes blink open to a brighter surrounding. The sun is starting to rise and you can hear the chirps of the birds in a distance. In a daze, you look around wondering why Joel didn’t wake you up. You notice he is sitting on the floor, leaning his side against the front of the couch seat. His head is resting sideways on the seat, facing you and almost touching your hip. His face is calm without his usual frown and you can hear his soft snoring as you stay still. His body probably going to ache so bad after this.

Your hands are twitching, wanting to caress his head but you hold back that thought, clenching your fists. You can only take this time to take in his features as he sleeps, wishing things were simpler but you get up from the sofa silently after watching him for awhile before you make any stupid decisions.

He must be in a deep sleep because he does not even move even after the rustling that you made on the sofa. You grab your rifle and get out of the cabin to check on the horses and be on watch before it’s time for you to wake Joel up. The cold air that suddenly hit you as you step out, gave you the shivers so you adjust your jacket right away, zipping it all the way up to keep yourself warm. Gripping the rifle tight, you keep your guard up as you look around for potential threats.

You didn’t find anything amiss as you make your way to the shed so once you are nearby, you sling your rifle back on your shoulders to open the shed door. The horses greet you with a few nickers as soon as they notice you coming in.You smile while giving them a couple of firm pats on their shoulders, rubbing their sides and even nuzzle your face against the neck of your horse, finding some comfort in it. Then, you make sure once again that everything is settled and ready to go.

You sit down at the corner of the shed, somewhere near the door that you left slightly ajar. Still reeling in the relaxation of the morning, you observe the horses across the other side of the shed. Once you realise that you should get back to Joel, you hear a strange noise not too far away, With no time wasted, you move cautiously to the door, hands gripping the rifle as your heartbeat starts to rise.

There isn’t much that you could see as you take a peep through the space left open by the door. You squint your eyes to see a few figures through the soft fluttering snow so you bring the rifle up and point towards them. You place your cheek by the stock of the rifle and look through the scope to have a clearer view. This time, there are shivers running down your spine, not from the cold but from what you see.

Your eyes widen as you take in the clickers approaching the cabin house. You should have guessed it from their erratic movements. There are three of them that you can count in your sight. Your mind is running in full speed, thinking the possibilities that you can take from this point onwards. Joel is probably in the house, still deep in sleep and they are coming in hot.

Without much thought, you take a few controlled breaths before shooting at one of them. Headshot, it falls to the ground, dead. The other two changes their direction towards the shed and started to pick up the speed, sprinting. The horses behind you are grunting noisily, restless after hearing the gunshot but that didn’t distract you from hitting the targets that are coming. The remaining two clickers finally went down after taking a couple of shots to their bodies and heads.

“Fuckin’ hell” you whisper under your breath as you look back at the horses, checking if they are okay.

You continue to take a few deep breaths before opening the door and steps out of the shed carefully to go back to Joel. As soon as you do that, you hear snarling coming from your right and you turn to see another group of clickers, only a few metres away, heading towards you.

“Oh shit!” You exclaim before making a run in the opposite direction, towards the woods.

You turn back a few times to take a few shots at the clickers, successfully getting two of them. There are five more on your heels, still charging towards you.

“JOOOEEELLLL!” You shout for him as loud as you can, multiple times, as you try to keep the distance and kill the clickers.

Luring them towards you, you can only hope Joel wakes up to get them from behind.

“Cmon Joel,” you beg to no one but yourself, “wake up!” You scream helplessly.

As if Joel could telepathically read your mind, you spot him over the shoulders of the clickers, coming out of the house frantically. Then, you hear a few gunshots which brings you a slight relief that he is awake finally.

Now that he is up, you plan to get back to him but you have to make it past the remaining two clickers that are still alive. You need to reload the rifle but with their arms flailing, trying to claw at you, you are not able to do it. In a haste, you duck down to get the knife that you had strapped in your boot. Popping the blade out, you stab one in the head, twisting the knife before pulling it out in one swift motion. One more kill.

Joel is making his way to where you are at while shooting the ones that are coming for him. In a blink, the two clickers drop dead at his feet as his running speed starts to increase towards you, worried. He sees you stabbing one of them in the head before dodging the arm of the other one that tries to attack you.

You avoid all of the aggressive flailing of its arms and move around it to run towards Joel. You take a couple steps but you didn’t notice the large roots of the surrounding trees which are covered in snow, resulting in you tripping and falling head first onto a rock. This causes Joel to scream your name in a bellowing voice, his stomach drops, seeing the scene that is unfolding in front of his eyes.

You tried to move but the overwhelming pounding in your head from the fall makes you freeze. With your head down on the ground, you slowly bring your hands up to clutch your head in pain. You can faintly hear the clicking behind you as you are lying on your stomach. You close your eyes shut, with a pained hiss as you think that this is the last moment of your life before getting bit. However, as you lay there helplessly, you didn’t feel any biting but only the throbbing at the side of your head.

Suddenly, you feel a pair of strong hands grabbing your arms, which causes you to flinch. Joel flips you around slowly, resting your head on one of his thighs as you look up at him. He looks down at you with wide eyes that are examining your face quickly and mouth slightly ajar as he takes long, dragged breaths. He moves your hair away from your face and checks out the cut from the fall with the touch of a feather. You feel warm liquid trickling down your head as his finger accidentally grazes the pained area which makes you scrunch your face and whimpers.

“I know, I know. You’re going to be okay.” He says in a reassuring voice.

In your head, you want to say something sarcastic like, ‘Took you long enough’ but all that comes out from your mouth is just unintelligible mumbling because of the concussion which takes the articulation out of you.

“Can you move?” He asks with a raspy voice, eyes boring into yours.

You nod slightly with a weak voice, “Yeah.”

The both of you get up slowly with one of his hands holding your arm and the other, around your waist. You pause after standing up, taking a moment before moving to stabilise yourself. Your vision is kind of blurry but you push through the dizziness while still holding onto Joel. You can see your bright red blood in contrast to the shallow white snow on the ground. With him by your side, not letting go of your waist, you stagger back to the shed, passing by all the dead bodies of clickers.

You reach the shed without much complications with the help of Joel. He sits you down on the stool that you were sitting at not too long ago before the disaster that you were in. The headache is still prominent but you don’t want to be a burden and prolong the journey back to Jackson. Not only that, you start to feel some parts of your body aching from the fall as your adrenaline level starts to reduce. You are sure there are going to be some bruises and wounds on your body from the impact of the fall but you are more worried about your bleeding head.

Meanwhile, Joel rushes out of the shed to check the house again if there’s anything that has been left behind. He comes storming back to the shed glancing at you to see how you are keeping up. You are taking deep breaths to try and ease the pain but it doesn’t really help you. He goes straight to his bag to grab some stuffs out of it and comes kneeling in front of you, eyes levelling with yours. The whole time your face is scowling from the throbbing pain, it’s difficult for you to keep your eyes open.

He pours some water on a small towel to clean the blood that is smearing the side of your face, down to your chin. You open your eyes slightly, taking in the way his forehead creases, eyebrows knitted and eyes unblinking as he cleans your face gently. However, you don’t have the luxury of time to be lost in him when the ache keeps on increasing. He takes your hand and gives you a small cloth, telling you to keep pressing it on the open cut to slow down the bleeding. You hesitantly do so, sucking in a breath due to the stinging from the contact. He wraps your head with a long shredded piece of cloth to help it stay intact.

“Eyes on me.” You hear him say once he finishes with it.

You look straight at him, biting your lip.

“I’m going to get you on the horse, okay? We’re going back to Jackson right now as fast as we can.” He explains to you in a low, steady voice, grounding you.

“Okay.” You whisper in a strained voice.

He leans in closer to cup your face with his gloved hands that warms your cheek, “You’re going to be okay. I got you so just hold on for a bit longer.”

HIs eyes darting between the both of your eyes for a few seconds before getting up to get everything set and ready to go. Once everything is ready, he move the horses outside. You follow suit with staggering steps as you approach him. He gets a hold of you the moment he notices you walking up to him without his help. Somehow, he manage to get you up on the horse and he is seated closely right behind you. His arms surround you as he holds on to the reins while his thighs cage your legs. The warmth emitting from the closeness of his body engulfs you all of a sudden as he nudges the horse to move.

About 30 minutes of riding, you start to feel way more dizzy. The continuous motion of riding mixed with the blinding daylight is causing you to feel lightheaded and nauseous. You cannot help but to lean back on Joel’s chest, resting your head on one of his shoulders, as you grimace in all of the sickening symptoms you are facing. Your hands reach out to grab whatever parts of him that you can, his thighs and his arms, clenching it tightly. Nails that are covered by your gloves can still be felt digging into his clothes.

“I know, baby, I know.” You feel his warm breath at the top of your head, not even registering him calling you baby as you wince, eyes keeping shut.

“Cmon, stay with me.” He murmurs with a wobbly voice in anxiety, seeing you in excruciating pain.

Your hearing is already reduced and whatever Joel says sounds muffled to you. All you can hear is the rapid heartbeat of yours. Within seconds, you lose consciousness and your body goes limp. Joel uses his arms to keep you steady while still holding on to the reins. He calls out your name louder for a few more times but you did not respond, causing him to slow down to check your pulse. He removes his glove to touch your neck and he feels the coldness of your body against his hand. After making sure that you are still breathing, he picks up the speed, arms circling your waist as his front sticks to your back like glue to share his body warmth with yours.

Throughout the journey back, you are in and out of consciousness from the overwhelming pain and the blood loss. Joel had stop multiple times to give you a few drops of water so that you would not be dehydrated. It is all a blur to you and you just wish to be back in Jackson already.

“TOMMY!” Joel’s yelling makes everyone in the nearby vicinity turn their heads. He shouts for Tommy as soon as the gates open.

Tommy, Maria and a few others patrollers are waiting by the gates as they were starting to get worried, not seeing any glimpse of you and Joel a few hours ago and now, it’s already getting dark. When the gates open, they rush to Joel to help you off the horse. Eddie, your previous patrol partner before Joel, carries you to the infirmary with Maria beside him. Joel gets off the horse, letting the other people to take over the horses and supplies and hurries to follow where you are brought to.

“What happened?” Tommy asks while running back towards Eddie with Joel.

“We were attacked by some clickers back at the cabin house.” Joel answers with eyes fixed on your form being carried by Eddie.

“Did she get bit?”

“I don’t think so,” Joel blinks, eyebrows furrowed.

“You didn’t check?” Tommy asks with a louder voice than before.

Joel didn’t respond, his jaws clenched. He knows he should have checked whether you got bit but he wasn’t thinking clearly. Getting you somewhere safe was his only priority at that time.

“Joel-“

“I didn’t check.” He stops outside of the infirmary doors and turns to Tommy, glaring with fiery eyes.

“She was bleeding out from the head, Tommy, and I can only think of bringing her back here safely.” Joel argues, already stressed about you and now his brother is trying to lecture him about his mistake.

He goes in, pushing the doors aggressively, leaving Tommy to chase after him. He approaches your bed which are already crowded with the only doctor and a couple of nurses on duty in Jackson, checking your condition. He joins Maria and Eddie that are waiting a few steps away from the foot of the bed. Joel cannot keep his eyes away from you. His heart is still racing from the adrenaline rush. You are still unconscious and the blood is trickling down from your head as the doctor loosens the stained alternative bandage to check the open wound to mend it later on. The nurses continue to check the other parts of your body for other wounds or bite marks, just in case. To check, they have to undress you and that is when Maria guides the group of them watching, to wait outside at the waiting area.

Eddie has to go off to check on the horses and the supplies that were brought back, telling Maria to update him on your status. Maria and Tommy thank him for his help while Joel gives him a silent nod. His arms folded while he leans on one foot to the other, pacing back and forth from time to time, staring at the door to the ward room. He looks back on what happened back at the cabin house and he thinks the state that you are in right now is somehow his fault. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep and let you fight the clickers by yourself. He should have protected you from this situation. He runs his fingers through his hair, scratching his head as he feels guilty.

Tommy and Maria doesn’t say a word, seeing Joel already agitated from you being injured. The three of them wait in silence before the doctor comes out to let them know how you are holding up.

“Her heartbeat is stable now. I’ve already stitched the open wound on her head to stop the bleeding. She must have taken a hard impact of a fall seeing the bruises on the left side of her body, especially the shoulder and the arm. Luckily, there isn’t any broken bone or bite marks. For now, we’ll keep on looking after her and wait til she wakes up.” The doctor informs the three of them.

Joel rubs his face as he releases a sigh of relief knowing that you’re okay now. Maria and Tommy hold hands, comforting each other, relieved as well.

“Can I see her now?” Joel in a rush to get back to you after hearing everything from the doctor.

“Of course,” The doctor gives Joel a tight smile.

Joel goes back in to the room after murmuring his thanks to the doctor, not looking back.

“Thank you, Remy, as always.” Maria shakes Remy’s hands before walking hand in hand with Tommy to the ward room.

Joel pulls a chair close to your bed and sits on it, eyes fixed on you. The nurses has already changed you out of your clothes to a more comfortable patient gown. Your stitches is covered with a pad to keep it dry. He notices the red bruises on your shoulders that is peeking out of the gown and there are also a few scrapes on your arms like the doctor had said. He can feel his heart breaks a little, looking at your injuries. He raises his hand to swipe at your cheek gently, feeling your soft skin. He sees your eyes flutter slightly from the touch but still not opening awake.

Tommy clears his throat causing Joel to freeze from what he was doing. He glances back at Tommy and Maria who is observing him and clasps his hands together between his thighs. Shying away from the looks of them, Joel keeps his eyes on your face.

“We’re glad the both of you are okay.” Maria speaks to Joel.

Joel as usual, doesn’t speak but gives a slight nod to what Maria said.

“She’ll be fine Joel. Don’t stress yourself out more than necessary.” Tommy tries to comfort his brother who is clearly defeated from the hours of travelling and tending to your unconscious body.

Tommy and Maria stays there for a while more before leaving to let Joel be alone with you.

“Do you want me to bring you dinner?” Tommy asks him.

“I’m good,” Joel shakes his head, not having the appetite to eat.

“Alright. Do you want me to tell Ellie that you’re here?”

Joel looks up at Tommy, momentarily realises that he was not thinking about Ellie at all, “Let her know that we're fine. I don’t want her to stay up waiting for me, I’ll see her in the morning.” Tommy places his hand on Joel’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze and heads out with Maria, leaving Joel alone, keeping his eyes on you.

The following morning, Joel is dozing off in his seat beside you, heads nodding awake time and time again. He clearly needs a proper sleep but he is fighting it off, wanting to be by your side when you wake up. With half-lidded eyes, he looks at you who is still in the same position as yesterday night. Throughout the night, he has pull his chair even closer to you. Holding your hand which seems to fit right with his, caressing your head when he hears your little whimpers, softly running his hands through your hair. He wants to keep doing that but it will be even better when you’re not lying sick in bed and is actually awake.

He stands up carefully to go home and freshen up before coming back to look after you. He also have to explain to Ellie about what had happened so she wouldn’t be worried. He gives you a last long look, eyes sunken deeply in sadness before turning around to leave while the nurses give morning greetings to him as he goes.

Not long after, your eyes slowly opens to an unfamiliar ceiling. You can feel a slight ache on your head, not remembering what happened when it suddenly hits you. The memory of the supply run, the clickers and the way you fell resulting in you being out of consciousness. Then, a face comes to your mind. Joel. Joel! Where is he? Where is this place?

You hear footsteps coming towards you. You try to get up from the bed but your body is too weak so you give up in doing so. A familiar face comes into view and you realises that she is one of the nurses in Jackson. She looks away from her board to see you looking at her with confusion on you face.

“Oh! You’re awake. Great to see you again.” She smiles at you, coming closer to check how you are doing.

She presses a stethoscope to your chest to listen to your heartbeat while you are still confused on how you are back in Jackson. She continues to check your eyes and your hearing before letting you know about your health state right now.

“Everything is good but you will still feel dizzy and nauseous, don’t worry, it’s normal after an injury like yours. Your muscles will still be weak and your body will ache for awhile. These symptoms can last for a couple days and up to a few weeks, depends on the how serious the injury is. You can be discharged tomorrow but we advise that you have someone to check up on you, in case anything happens.” She explains to you calmly.

You on the other hand, are at loss of words as you listen to her, still disoriented from just waking up a couple of minutes ago.

“I don’t have anyone to ask. I only have myself.” In a soft voice, you uttered defeatedly. You do not want to be another burden to someone else.

“I’m sure Joel Miller doesn’t mind it.” She mention casually, handing you a cup of water to drink. You pause for a moment, blinking at her blankly and takes the cup.

“Joel?” You stammers out his name, not expecting him to be mentioned.

“Yeah. He was here all night. It was so sweet to see the grumpiest man in Jackson caring for someone.” She gives you a pleased smile, “He left shortly before you were awake.”

You glance at the seat by your bed, knowing he was sitting right there for the night. Your heart skips a beat, imagining him looking at you for that whole time. You’re in your own thoughts when the nurse speaks again.

“Rest up for now. Just call for me if you need anything, alright?” She gives you a knowing smile as if she knows that you are thinking of the man that was just here.

“Thank you.” You give her a thin-lipped smile and thank her for the help.

She leaves you alone in the ward with conflicted feelings. It’s so overwhelming having these different feelings all at once. Before, anger was the forefront feeling that derives you away from Joel while still having a small amount of affection for him that you try to ignore. Then, he confused you with his actions and words, tugging your heart a little bit from seeing the change of his heart. Right now, he has saved you from going into the other side and you remember seeing the look of concern etched on his face when you were going through it. You know that he is definitely not faking it, feeling the sincerity from him in the last 24 hours.

Joel is walking back to the infirmary after washing up and having a short breakfast with Ellie. She was devastated to hear what went down during the supply run and told Joel that she is going to visit you after school. She did not say a word to Joel about how distracted he was during the breakfast. She knows it must be you that is affecting his mood and she cannot do anything about it except not taking more of his time and let him go back to the infirmary. To you.

In his hands, he carries a small bag containing a vegetable soup that he quickly cooked for breakfast with Ellie. He walks in and goes straight to the ward but stopping immediately in his tracks. From the open door, he sees that you are awake, smiling so brightly, not because of him but because of the guy that is sitting on the chair beside your bed. The chair that he was sitting on while rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

You are holding on to the flowers that Emile gave you. The both of you are laughing about something and his heart clenches hearing your laughter. The last he heard of your voice was when you are whimpering in pain and all that he wishes, then, was to hear your gentle and playful voice again. He lowers his head, the hopeful light in his eyes gone as he turns around feeling crushed. He approaches one of the nurses and passes them the breakfast that he brought for you, telling them to give it to you before leaving the infirmary.

While you are busy catching up with Emile, another nurse comes in to give you a bowl of soup. It smells delicious and you cannot wait to dig in as you are starving from the amount of energy that you lost for the past 24 hours.

“This smells delicious. Thank you.” You cheerily says in exclamation.

“Mr. Miller wants you to have this for breakfast.” The young lady informs you with an innocent look in her eyes.

In shock, your head snaps towards her with wide eyes, “Which Miller?”

“Joel Miller,” she looks at you questioningly.

“He just dropped this off?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You peer at the open door, seeing no sight of him while you keep staring. You wonder why did he not just come in and give you the soup himself. Is he busy with another duty? Did he see Emile and was not happy? Why would he go out of his way to give you breakfast?

“Anything else that I can do for you?” The nurse asks looking at you, confused with your reaction.

“No. It’s fine. Thank you.” You give a forced smile at her and your eyes drifting to the doorway as she leaves. You cannot help but to look at the doorway, wanting to see Joel but you are still too shy to admit it to yourself.

“What’s wrong?” Emile’s voice snaps you out of your trance from the doorway.

“Nothing.” You mumble and start to eat the soup made by Joel.

Emile squints his eyes, sensing that you are hiding something but he lets it go, seeing you gobbling the soup down in hunger.

The next morning, you are accompanied by Emile on your day of discharge. You told him that you can go back home today and he offered to walk you home. You are struggling because of the body ache that you are having and also the sudden waves of dizziness if you move too fast. It took you a couple of minutes to be walking without holding on to him anymore. Your stubborn ass is resilient to not hold onto him as you continue walking slowly at your own pace. The three minute walk to your house from the infirmary at your usual speed is now delayed to almost 10 minutes including the intervals of you pausing to let the dizziness or pain pass before moving again.

Joel is sitting by his bedroom window that is facing your house. He knows that you are being discharged today from what Ellie had told him after her visit. If Emile hadn’t offered, he would have gone to help you, given his free time after the supply run. He sees you struggling to walk with Emile by your side with a worried look on his face. For a moment, anger fills Joel’s entire body when he sees Emile not helping you at all but he eventually calms down after noticing how you are holding your hand out when Emile comes closer. He scoffs, a small curl on side of his lips as he shakes his head. What is he going to do with that stubborn head of yours? If he could, he would have already picked you up and carried you in the house.

Emile leaves after making sure you are back in your house safely and you reassuring him that you will be fine, not needing anymore of his help. You haven’t got the chance to eat something yet so you move the kitchen to make a small sandwich for breakfast, already tired from moving too much. You slump down on the sofa after eating, immersing yourself in the comfort of your home without any disturbances. You lay there, eyes slowly blinking heavily, letting your body relax and eventually you are deep in sleep.

A few hours later, you hear knocking on your door, partially awaken from the sound but you are still not moving.

Knock, Knock, Knock

It is louder this time. Grumbling as you get up from the couch, body still weak. You shout as loud as you can saying that you are coming to get the door. You take your time to reach the door and opening it to no one on the other side except a small bag on the floor. You look around and you spot the broad back of Joel slipping into his house, closing the door without looking back. You pick the bag up to find out the contents of it and the mix of nutty and savoury smell of warm avocado toast that hits you almost makes you roll your eyes to the back of your head.

You bring it inside to the dining table and devours it, smiling to yourself. Smiling because of how good the toast was or maybe because of the person behind the toast. You want to thank him for saving and taking care of you when you were out of it. The ice in your heart is slowly melting away, recalling the moments of his newfound vulnerability that he allows you to see. The way he talks to you calmly instead of the usual hostility in his tone when he speaks to you previously. You remember the cold piercing eyes that was replaced with round melancholic eyes that captivates when he looks at you. In your heart, you know that he might just hit the nail right on the head soon and earn that forgiveness from you.

It went on like that for the next couple of days. You will open the door to a bag of packed food whether it would be breakfast or lunch or dinner. It is obviously from Joel, 100%, no doubt. He for sure makes a run home once he hears you coming, taking advantage of your slowed down speed. Every time you open the door, you either sees him already going into his house or already halfway back, walking nonchalantly as he takes a couple of glances back at you.

He comes knocking when there is no one visiting you at that time, knowing when you have not eaten your meal yet. You’ve been trying to catch him, reading his pattern and always sneaking looks out of your window to see if he is coming. You’re in luck this afternoon when you caught sight of him taking big strides towards your house, feeling confident that he is going to get away with it as usual. He does not know that the pain in your head had subsided marginally and your body is stronger now from all the time that you took to rest. Quicker than he is, you are standing behind the front door, waiting for him. Quietly giggling to yourself, expecting to see his shocked face. Unbeknownst to him, this has been a game to you while spending time alone in the house.

You hear the scrapes of his heavy boots and the creaking of the floorboards as he goes up the stairs. Your heart is racing so fast that you can hear its pounding in your ears. He is right on the other side of the door. You don’t even know what you’re going to say to him. He stops, pausing for a beat, then raises his hand to knock on the door. As soon as you hear a knock, you turn the handle, opening the door wide.

Joel’s brows shoot as high as possible, eyes widening as he stays still from the unexpected situation. His arm is still in midair, his mouth parted, not knowing what to say. On his other hand, he is holding the bag of meal that he had cooked for you. You look up at him with a playful glint in your eyes, appearing to be innocent but your mouth is twitching, trying not to laugh seeing him flustered.

“Hi.” You greet him, voice croaked from resisting the laughter that is bubbling in your throat.

He is still speechless, eyes blinking rapidly trying to think of an excuse for his appearance. You wait for his answer but clears your throat instead when he doesn’t respond.

“What do you got for me today?” You point at the bag of meal that he is holding awkwardly.

“Uh, nothing special. Here.” He passes the bag over to you and you take it, fingers brushing his in that split second.

“Thank you, Joel.” You thank him with a small smile, locking eyes with him for a few seconds before looking down at your feet. He grunts a reply, scratching the back of his neck as he fidgets, eyes darting everywhere else except you.

“I think I should go now. Enjoy your meal.” He breaks the awkward silence, not making eye contact as he turns around to head back home.

“Joel.” You quickly call out after him which makes him stop and look back at you.

“Do you want to come in?” You suggested without giving it a thought, not wanting him to leave.

“Sure.” He replies after contemplating for a moment.

You invite him in, heart still racing as you head to the dining table to place the food down. He follows after you slowly, taking in the insides of your house. This is the first time he is in your house and he is observing every single detail of it, knowing this is your comfort place. This is a part of you that he gets to see for the first time so he is going to cherish this opportunity that is given to him.

You’re in the kitchen, washing your hands, grabbing the plate and utensils to place them down at the dining table. You turn towards Joel who is still checking out your place, standing by your living room couch.

“Have you eaten already?”

“Yeah.” He mutters, eyes locked onto the shelves at the front wall of your living room where there is a remaining carved piece of wood that you didn’t put away.

“Can I get for you coffee?” you offer.

He turns around and steps closer to the dining table while keeping his eyes on you.

“That would be lovely, thank you.” He nods before taking a seat opposite of yours.

Joel’s eyes drifting together with your movements as you make the coffee for him. He is pleased to be in your presence even though it is nerve wrecking for him but finally talking to you again makes his heart blooms with happiness. He schools his features back to a composed face when you approach the table with drinks.

“Thank you again for the food.” You thank him again before taking a bite of the steak and mashed potatoes that he prepared for you today. He gives you his signature nod as a reply.

Your eyes widen as you take the first bite of the meat and gawks at Joel, “It’s delicious!”

“Glad you like it.” He shrugs his shoulders, tipping his head forward slightly, feeling smug from your praise.

“What the fuck. It’s really good.” You cannot believe it and keeps on eating.

Joel brings the mug to his face, sipping on his coffee to cover the smile that is breaking into his face after seeing your raw reaction to his cooking. The way you react reminds him of Ellie and he finds it so adorable. He scans the side of your head that is covered with a new gauze for the stitch and notices the red bruises on your arms that is fading to brown as it heals. He hated seeing you in that kind of pain and it was gut wrenching to witness that, not able to soothe the pain away for you. He is relieved to see you smile again and this time because of him.You finish the meal while he sits there watching you eat with warm and focused eyes as you steal glances at him.

He insisted that you have a seat at the sofa as he washes the dishes for you. You did argued with him to let you do it yourself but you cannot defeat the man that is way more hardheaded than you. Staring at the back of the man that broke your heart two months ago who is now washing your dishes in your kitchen, you would have never seen this coming. You selfishly want to see more of him, shamelessly admitting it to yourself.

"Uh, I should go now." Joel rubbing his hands on his jeans, wiping the leftover wetness as he comes out of the kitchen area, towards you.

"Already?" your brows furrowed unknowingly, standing up slowly to see him out.

Joel cocks his head to the side, hearing the disappointment in your voice. He moves closer to you, heart beating rapidly, knowing that you want to spend more time with him.

"I'm on patrol duty with your temporary replacement soon." He explains.

"Oh. Hopefully you don't scare him away while I'm gone." You tease him.

He huffs before replying you with a smirk, "We'll see bout that.”

Just before he steps out of the house, you grab his wrist instinctively, turning him around to face you again.

“I really want to thank you for everything that you did for me. I appreciate it and it means a lot to me that you had my back. I’m sorry if I was a troublesome-“

“You weren’t,” Joel interrupts, twisting his wrist to hold your hand instead, “you never were.” He whispers, still shy to convey his true feelings.

His eyes are expressive with so many unspoken words as he gazes into yours, instinctively rubbing circles on the back of your hands like he did in the infirmary, waiting for you to be awake. But you don’t know that. Don’t know about the delicate touches that he leaves on your skin that night.

“Also, don’t leave the food by itself in front of my door. Next time, say hi to me at least.” You complain.

“Yes ma’am.” He give you a once over before letting go of your hand, “take care.” He heads out to make his way to the stables, looking back at you again who gives him a small timid wave. You notice his smile twisted with a smile before he snaps his head away, hiding his blushing face away from you. He walks away with lighter steps as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Surrounded by the books, you are sitting at one of the tables in the library with Emile. There is no sign of other people this morning causing the library to be filled with serene silence. The sunlight from the window, pierce through the gaps of the bookshelves, softly hitting the tables. Emile is rambling about his new read excitedly and you are listening to him intently, interested in where the story is going. It goes on from sharing stories with each other to talking about usual random stuffs until Emile brings up Joel in the conversation.

“How’s it going with Joel?” He asks in a cheery voice.

“What do you mean?” You release a laugh awkwardly.

“You seem livelier for the past few days and I thought Joel could be the reason for that.” His eyes are bright as he keeps the eye contact with you.

“What makes you say that?”

“I overheard that Joel has been cooking for you and that you guys even eat together for the past few days at your house.”

You smack your lips, nodding your head as you look away. You don’t talk to Emile about Joel so it’s kinda embarrassing to admit it to him. Since it’s out in the open, you use this time to tell the truth.

“You are a good friend, Emile. It’s comfortable to have conversations with you. I get to talk to you about anything and you are one of my emotional support in Jackson. I’m happy that we became friends.” You express to him with a sense of guilt, assuming it might hurt him that you put him in the friend zone. Your eyes lowering to your fidgeting hands on the table.

“Is this the part where you say that you don’t have feelings for me?” He questions with a clear voice.

You blink blankly at him, taken aback by his direct question. Your mouth parts slowly, wanting to speak but he continues to talk, sensing your faint hesitation.

“It’s okay. I know you are just being friendly with me without any other intentions, whether it’s good or bad. I see how you react when he’s around you and it’s pretty obvious, making me think that I’m stupid for not noticing it at first.”

“You’re not stupid,” you deny his negative thought.

“But I do enjoy your company and I’m really glad that we became friends as well.” His face beaming with a smile that infects you to mirror his.

You hold out a hand for him to shake on. He takes it and gives a firm handshake.

“We’re officially besties now” You states with a bright smile.

“Isn’t Ellie your bestie?”

“Okay, you’re officially my second bestie now.” You correct yourself.

“Whatever, tell me about you and Joel.” Emile still curious about the two of you, wiggling his eyebrows as he sent a playful smirk towards you.

“Oh shut up.” You pushes his hand away, rolling your eyes, faking the irritation. You know that if you talk about Joel now, you cannot control your expressions. He barks out a laugh seeing your reaction which makes you laugh as well.

Still giggling as Emile teases you, the both of you hear the door open and standing there is the man of the hour himself, Joel Miller. Stunned, you just freeze in your seat, gawking at him. You notice the cloud of breath coming out of his mouth as he exhales. His eyes studying your face and drifts towards Emile who is sitting opposite of you. His eyelids flutters slightly before lowering his gaze towards the floor.

“Sorry for interrupting.” He mutters, rubbing his gloved hands together before turning around to leave the library.

You stand up, eyes still trained on the door that was just shut.

“Go.” Emile looks up at you.

“I’ll see you again.” You take off without looking back.

Joel is dragging his feet back to his house, jaws clenching as the image of you and Emile having a good time laughing is stuck on his mind. In the span of few days of him checking up on you and having meals together, he forgets about Emile who has always been treating you nicely. How can he compete with a man who hasn’t been mean to you and break your heart?

“Joel! Wait up!” Your yelling halts him in his tracks. He looks over his shoulder and see you trying to keep up with him. He is still worried about you moving that fast, anxious that it will trigger dizziness in you again. He waits for you patiently, facing you with his head hanging low as he looks at his boots in the snow.

Another pair of boots comes into his view, opposite of him. He looks up to your face, seeing you panting, trying to catch your breath. How can you still look this cute standing in front of him while you gasp for air? He just wants to hold your face with his hands, warming your face that is growing cold.

“Where are you going?” You ask him.

“Home.” He gives a short reply, glancing towards the street.

“It’s cold. You should get back inside. I didn’t mean to disturb your time together.” His eyes darting over your shoulders at the library.

“You didn’t disturb anything. Were you looking for me?” You dismisses what he just said.

“I brought breakfast for us to eat together but you weren’t there.” He tries to be casual about it but you caught the sad look in his eyes.

“Let’s go then.” You walk ahead, leaving him to follow after you.

Joel picking at his leftover food aimlessly is bothering you. He is more quiet this morning, keeping his eyes on his plate most of the time. You call him out on his behaviour, not standing it anymore.

“What’s with the long face?”

“Nothing,”

“Don’t lie to me.” You firmly said.

He pauses for a moment before answering you, “You still seeing the librarian?” Still not making eye contact.

“I told you that he’s just my friend, Joel.” You reiterate that point again.

He nods his head solemnly, his lips still in a thin line. He leans back, not having the appetite to finish the rest of his food. You don’t believe that he agrees with that statement.

“You jealous?” You can’t help but grin, raising an eyebrow towards him.

“Get that smile off your face.” He rolls his eyes at you. You still don’t get why he is shy to admit it when he literally said that it hurts him to see you and Emile together, back at The Tipsy Bison.

“I sense jealousy.” You said in a singsong voice as you pick up the your plates and his, going to the kitchen sink.

Joel immediately follows and stands beside you as you wash the plates.

“You’re so infuriating, d’you know that. I told you that I will do the dishes.” He grumbles, annoyed that you didn’t listen to him.

“Well, too bad. I took them first.” You shrug your shoulders.

“Give me that. I’ll dry it.” He takes the washed plate from you, wiping it a dry cloth.

The both of you stand there, shoulders and arms touching as you focus on the task at hand. He lightly shoves you with his arm suddenly which makes you look up at him, frowning. He fake innocence as he wipes the utensils. You pushes him back, stronger than he did but he doesn’t budge. Not satisfied, you keep trying to shove him to the side but you fail miserably. You huff, feeling unfair by the significant difference of strength. Giving up, you continue to clean the cups but didn’t expect him to continue his disturbance by nudging you with his hip.

You cup your hands with water and splashes his face with it. His eyes are closely shut, his fringe sticks to his forehead, soaked with water and it’s running down his face. Droplets of water forms at his chin which drips onto the front of his shirt. Your nose flaring as you try to suppress your laughter but you couldn’t resist it anymore when he opens his eyes to look at you. You back away from him slowly before running away, laughing at him.

“Come here.” He chases after you right away and you didn’t get too far before you feel his arms wrapped around your waist from behind. You squeal as he lifts you slightly before letting you down and turn you around to face him, his hands clasps on your lower back.

He shakes his head vigorously, like a dog trying to dry itself, water droplets splattering on your face from it. You cover your face while still giggling at him. After he stops, you lower down your hand to his chest. A big grin is plastered on his face as he looks down at you, bewitching you with his dreamy and enchanting expression. You are entranced by him, spotting the dimples that you rarely see.

“Don’t mess with me.” He tries to warn you with a smile tugging on side of his face.

“Oooh, that is so threatening. I’m so scared.” You sarcastically joke which earns you a scoff from him.

You stay in his arms like that for a few more seconds. The both of you are not saying anything as you stare into each other’s eyes. He licks his lips and for a moment, you think that he might lean closer to you but disappointingly, he lets you go.

He clears his throat, “I better get going. Patrol duty again.” Avoiding eye contact.

“How is he by the way?” Curious about your temporary replacement.

“Not bad.” He shrugs.

“Wow. That is a compliment in your books.” You are surprised by his comment.

“Yeah. Better than the girl that keeps annoying me.”

“Get out.” You jokingly says, passing him his jacket that is on the couch and with your hands on his back, you keep pushing him towards the door as he tries to fight back while softly laughing at your antics.

He puts on his jacket and faces you again. Bending lower to meet you on your eye level, he tucks a stray hair on your ear and the graze of his fingers are burning your ears. You blink excessively, your heart stopping for a beat when his eyes meet yours.

“See you tomorrow, sweetheart.” He whispers to you, eyes twinkling as if they are the stars. You can’t stop the rapid beating of your heart even after he gets out of your house, leaving you dumbfounded and heated.

The Tipsy Bison is rowdy tonight with the residents of Jackson celebrating the bartender’s birthday. Kyle is the most loved by the people because of his endless kindness to everyone around him. You are seated in a booth with your usual crowd, Tommy, Maria and Joel. Unfortunately, Emile is unable to join as he finishes up his work in the library. Joel’s warm, strong thigh is pressing into yours even though there is more than enough space for the both on you on one side of the booth.

Joel has changed slightly, opening more of himself up to you. You get to see him bantering with Tommy over petty things like little boys which is what they are doing now. Arguing about who will beat whom in a arm wrestling match. You and Maria has seen this behaviour too many times that the both of you just shake your heads, sighing.

Recently, Joel has been brave to steal a couple of touches, not even hiding it anymore. He would tuck your stray hair or pat your head when he compliments you on something that you have done a good job at or placing his hand on your lower back to guide you somewhere and he takes every opportunity that he can to touch you. Like what he is doing now with his thigh, just to feel you there beside him.

A group of drunk, rowdy men walks past the booth before one of them stops to look at you. You sense his gaze and your head turns to look at him. It is the asshole from the other night, Jack. His eyes are heavy as he steps closer to the booth, clearly drunk.

“Oh look who it is!” He exclaims when he recognises you.

You don’t say a word, glaring at him as he drunkenly spews out insults at you again. The Miller brothers stop their argument and snaps their head towards Jack’s voice.

“Aren’t you Emile’s little mommy?” He says in a mocking tone, making you squeeze for fists. Joel scans your scowling face first before he notices your balled up fists on your thighs. His hand hovers your fist before cupping it gently, signalling you that he got your back.

“You threw him to the side after you get your fun and now you’re sucking off Joel Miller. What a slut.” He slurs on without shame.

Luckily for him, you are sitting on the inside so you cannot lunge at him to rip his face off and beat him to death like you wanted. Instead, Joel brings his fist to Jack’s face, rocking his jaw in an instant. Jack stumbles backwards, crashing on the nearby tables and chairs before falling to the ground, making people turn their heads to the commotion. Everybody stills, watching the event that is unfolding in front of their eyes. Joel cages him with his thighs, throwing punches at his face. Tommy gets up from his seat, holding Joel back before it gets worse. Joel stands and presses one foot on Jack’s chest, heaving from the punches that he threw.

“Last time, I told you to fuck off before I break your jaw. It seems like you really need it to break to get it into your fuckin’ head.” He growls at Jack that is looking up at him with eyes that are clouded with terror.

“You talk about my girl like that again, I will not hesitate to end you.” He warns with eyes that could kill Jack right there on the spot. “Now fuck off!” He spits at Jack after removing his foot away. Jack scrambles away with his friends, holding them for support.

Joel stands there, reeling in what he had just done. The crowd slowly gets going again, knowing that Jack had that coming for messing around with Joel. Joel is still pissed off at Jack and if no one had stopped him, he would have already killed that son of a bitch. His hand flinches when he feels a hand touching his. It is you that notices his trembling hand. You bring it up to your face, seeing the blood on his knuckles. You frown, not liking the fact that he got hurt from trying to protect you. You go back to the booth to let Maria and Tommy know that you’re bringing Joel back home to treat the cuts on his hand.

You drag him out of the bar with his other hand, heading back to your house. He follows you obediently, walking hand in hand, even though he is still fuelled with anger. Stomping his feet, he keeps on grumbling insults about Jack and wanting to beat the shit out of him. You glance at him, seeing his fiery eyes and downturned lips as he continues to curse the asshole. A smile appears on your face as you listen to his complaints. You are still replaying the words in your head again and again. He called you his girl. It brings butterflies in your stomach just by thinking about it.

You sat him down on your couch while you get the first aid kit. You pushes the coffee table close to the couch to sit on the edge of it, facing him with your legs in between his. You place his hand on your thighs as you wipe the blood off his hand. After putting the ointment, you bandage his hand with a gauze pad available. The entire time you were focused on treating his wounds, he was studying your face, processing every single detail to memory.

"All done," you let go of his hand.

"Thank you."

"You didn't have to do that, y'know"

"I want to." He says with conviction. "I don't like him talking about you like that."

"But I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not. This was nothing." he tries to minimise the level of his injury.

You narrow your eyes and he shrugs at you trying to say that it is true. You shake your head disapprovingly, tired of his stubbornness. In the quietness of the night, wanting him to calm down, an idea comes to your mind.

"Come, I got something I want to show you." you crosses over his thigh, wanting to go up the stairs.

He quickly grabs your hand, wanting you to guide him upstairs as you hold on to him. You blushes when he does that, still making your heart flutters. Swallowing his spit, nervous that you brought him to your room, he stands at your door just watching you opening your window. You climb out the window to sit at your tiled roof, looking back at him, urging him to join you.

He marches across your room to the window, poking his head out, "It's freezing."

"I know. Just come out for awhile. You won't die," you reassures him. "Or are you just a coward?"

That strikes a nerve in him as he clicks his tongue at you and asks you to move over to give him some space. He folds his body, bones cracking as he struggles to go through the window.

"Damn, you're old." Holding on to him as he goes through the window, teasing him about his bone cracking.

"Ha. Ha. Funny." He replies in a monotonous voice.

The both of you sat next to each other, looking into the darkness of the vast sky. Because it is not snowing heavily, the moon that is not blocked by the clouds, brighten the snow-covered landscapes with a soft glow. The faint twinkle of the stars, reflecting in Joel's glassy eyes as you blatantly stare at him.

"I would sit here especially during the summer nights to stargaze. The enlightenment you get when you let your body immerse within the beauty of the nature is like no other." you explain.

"They're gorgeous." Peering into your eyes as it seems like he's not talking about the stars but you instead.

You are lost in his shining eyes and so is he, in yours. All of a sudden, he blinks the unwavering eyes of his away, remembering something. He takes out something from the inside of his jacket that is small enough to fit in his hands. Opening his palm towards you, you find a horse chess piece sitting on it. You look up at him with questions in your eyes while he portrays a shy smile on his face, suggesting you to take it.

“Stop! This is the prettiest one I’ve ever seen. You made this?” Still surveying the piece in awe.

“Yeah. Look at the bottom.”

You flip it around and notices a small writing on it. You stop breathing for a moment, reminded of the guitar pick that you gave him two months ago. You keep staring at the words directing at you.

“I was contemplating between this and ‘Let me be your knight in shining armour’, y’know. Because of the horse. But it was too long for me to-“ He stammers while trying to elaborate but stops when you lay your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Joel. I love it.” You hold the chess piece in your hand, tightly. His heart jumps with elation, overjoyed by your words.

He whispers your name, enrapturing you to shift your eyes at him, still resting your head on his shoulder.

“I would undo every single thing that I’ve done or said that hurt your feelings, in a heartbeat if I could. I didn’t see you for who you are and it kills me that I wasted so much time being a prick when we could spend more time together instead. You never fail to fill my heart with kindness and love and I want to do the same for you. Will you let me do that for you?” He confesses to you.

“Who said you haven’t done that yet?” You batted your eyelashes at him.

His heart stops for a beat, staring down at your face that is only a few inches away. Your glossy eyes mirror his look of adoration and he can’t help but moves your hair out of your face, caressing your cheeks softly.

“Joel Miller, the grumpiest man to ever lived, is sitting on the roof with me, stargazing. Who would have thought?”

“Only because it’s with you.” His thumb rubbing, warming your cold cheeks as you lean more into his touch.

His face tilts down to yours, eyes roaming over your features and stops at your lips. You hold your breath as he moves closer, heart pounding with anticipation. You have been waiting for this moment, imagining many different ways of exploring his lips. Your body shivering as he pauses when his lips are almost touching yours.

“Can I kiss you?” He mutters, almost inaudible as he shifts his eyes back to yours for confirmation, his tongue poking out slightly to wet his lips at the same time.

“Now you want to be polite? Just kiss me already.” You pull him closer by the neck, gently pressing his lips to yours. His lips are electrifying to touch despite the softness of it. He continues to move and you follow, effortlessly flowing together like water. His arms that are pressing against your side, slides up your back, holding you close to him. You feel him smiling against your mouth as the kiss gets heated. You pull back from him to catch your breath, foreheads still pressed against each other while you keep your eyes closed, heart still racing from the kiss. He is panting for air as well, eyes fixed on your parted lips.

“I’ve been waiting for a year for this,”

“I know, baby.” He cups your face, looking at you with dazed eyes before suggesting that the both of you get inside before it gets colder. You step down into the room first and he follows right after. He pulls you back towards him by your belt loop, wrapping his arms around your waist as he cannot resist the look of need in your eyes.

“I’m not done with you, my love.”

He leans in to kiss you again, this time more desperately. You throw your hands over his shoulders, arching your back to press your front against his. As it gets passionate, you are stumbling backwards as he pushes you towards your bed, lying you down on it. He hovers over you, leaning his weight on his palms that rest on either side of your head.

“I’ll repay the one year worth of kisses tonight so that you can forgive my dumbass.” Sliding down the side of your face, leaving kisses on your neck. You let out a moan, blessing his ears with the sounds that you are making involuntarily. You try to say something but your head is clouded with lust as he lightly runs his tongue along your jawline, raking one of your hands through his curls and another, scratching across his firm back. His soft grunts in your ear makes your spine tingle, rolling your eyes to the back of your head as he slides his hands under your shirt, digging his fingers in your waist.

“You’re forgiven, baby.” You blurt out while you are distracted by his pressing body on yours. He stops, raising his head towards you, not believing what he just heard.

“What did you just say?”

“Huh?” Your eyes heavy lidded as you look at him.

“Let me hear it again.” He smiles adorably.

“You’re forgiven?” Your brows knitted in confusion.

“No. The other one.”

“Baby?”

His face breaks into a grin and he softly giggles into your chest, loving the fact that you called him ‘baby’. Fuck the forgiveness, he just wants you to claim him as yours forever. He peppers you with kisses all over your face, making you scrunch, still smiling at him.The night deepens as the both of you continue exploring each other’s bodies, steaming the room up with grunts and moans throughout the night. The chess piece that fell to the ground while the both of you kiss, lies sidewards, the writing prominent at the bottom of it.

‘I pick you 2’

previous part

Thank you for reading! I have another Joel Miller fic that is coming soon over here. It's a sports romance x childhood friends to enemies to lovers. Do keep a lookout if you're interested. All love <3 - Z

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama @rodriguez31 @orcasoul @ashleyfilm @macaroni676 @whirlwindrider29 @vickie5446 @uncassettodiricordi @astralqueenoc

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller au #joel miller x f!reader #joel the last of us #joel x reader #the last of us fic

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p1utofairy · 9 months ago

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pick a card.

★ what makes you different from your person’s ex?

NOTE: hiii <3 i know it’s been a while since i’ve done pacs, but i just needed some time for myself and to balance my energy. i’ve missed you all so much and i understand that some of you really want personal readings for me (and soon i want to provide that for you) but in the meantime doing these pick-a-card readings is serving as practice for me – they help me get more comfortable with my intuition and enhance my tarot reading abilities/knowledge. i want to give y'all the most accurate and insightful guidance/advice 1 on 1 when i feel more prepared and have the time to do it. i hope you all can understand 🤗 your patience and support seriously means a lot to me. for now, i’ll catch up on some of the pac requests that have been sent to me. thanks for requesting this anon. 💌 enjoy!

PILE 1.

what makes you different from your partner’s ex is the fact that you are extremely dedicated to your craft and your own personal goals. right now you might be really yearning for a relationship or just craving some type of romantic spark in your life, but nonetheless you’ve been pushing through and staying focused on building yourself up and putting yourself on the right path. you have set standards, expectations and boundaries that you will not fold on - and your person will LOVE this about you. you’re no pushover. if something isn’t sitting right with you or someone isn’t willing to do/give you what you deserve, you know how to respectfully move on and find someone else that will; no matter how long it takes. you’d rather be single than to have someone by your side that you know isn’t truly fulfilling you and your needs. genie in a bottle by christina aguilera is coming to mind – “if you wanna be with me, baby there’s a price to pay! i’m a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way.” yeah trust me when i say that your person will go extra lengths to impress you and show you how serious they are about this relationship. i think that their previous relationship lacked the spark that you two share.

it also lacked the security, discipline and stability that you bring to the table; they’re willing to put the effort into this relationship. if i’m being quite honest their previous relationship seems like a non-factor, because in their eyes it could never hold a candlelight to what you two share. that one part in after hours by the weeknd just came to me, “cause this house is not a home…without my baby, where are you now when i need you most?” LOL they’re so devoted to you pile 1. the energy is kind of reminding me of allie and noah from ‘the notebook,’ one of the most iconic romance films of all time. don’t get me wrong, allie and noah’s love was far from perfect; it was messy, painful, and at times very selfish. however, it was THEIR love. it was full of passion and intensity and that’s the type of energy i pick up between you two. they would build a house for you with their own bare hands, like noah if you truly wanted them to. you bring out a side of them that their previous partner could never unlock.

you make them work for it and whew does it get them going lol they love the chase. if you teasingly tell them “no.” just to get a reaction out of them, they’ll be like “what can i do to change your mind?” and do the most seductive shit possible to get you all riled up and ready to pounce on them. you balance each other out very well and they’re different from the other types of people that have tried to pursue you before - it's gonna be refreshing. you might be a little hesitant to jump into this relationship because of your own doubts and anxiety around relationships (i’m hearing trust issues? daddy issues?) and this might cause you to keep this person at arms length even though you know you want to get closer to them. they’ll be respectful of you and your space, but just know that they won’t take advantage of your situation; if anything they want to help you work through it and be a supportive partner.

PILE 2.

the energy feels like something out of a whimsical fairytale, pile 2. you might’ve been split between choosing this pile and pile 1 (check that pile as well if you felt drawn to it) but wow your person feels like you came into their life at the perfect time. i’m not sure if either of you expected to come across each other in such a way that left you both feeling lovestruck! what makes you different from their previous partner is how much of a REAL lover you are. there’s a huge amount of optimism and a lust for life that you bring to this connection, which doesn’t quite compare to what they were used to. your love is purposeful and genuine – i’m picking up that some of you might have virgo/6H placements. just like magic by ariana grande just started playing, “just like magic, i’m attractive. i get everything i want cause i attract it.” you definitely manifested this relationship, pile 2. UGH YOUR MIND. it may have taken longer than you expected to come to fruition, but wow was it worth the wait.

they have this playfulness to them that you’ll really adore, it’s like they’re always trying to make you laugh and smile. their last relationship seemed like a bit of a burden on them. it caused them to turn inward and focus on themselves, however, their inner-child really thrives whenever they’re in your presence lol it’s so cute. it’s the little things like tickling your sides, kissing your neck/cheek and telling you silly jokes just to make you feel better and help ease any doubts and anxiety you’re feeling. you ground them in a lot of ways. you might be more mature than them, or they could be younger than you, but regardless, your energy feels more grounded and responsible. they might have felt powerless and restricted in their last relationship, feeling like they couldn’t really express themselves or be vulnerable for fear of judgment.

their ex might’ve involved their friends in a lot of their relationship drama which caused too much outside opinions to interfere with their relationship. that's one of the things that they appreciate about you: you don’t need outside opinions or validation to know what you want or how to manage this relationship. if there’s ever an issue, you will take the initiative to have a conversation with them and work it out; communication will be key in this relationship. their previous relationship lacked a safe space for them to express their emotions, but you are willing to communicate and ensure both of your feelings are taken into account within this connection. also, this person might have some sort of fame/social-standing/platform. it sort of feels like people keep tabs on who they’re currently dating/talking to. i will say that your person definitely values privacy and will try to keep as many people out of the mix as possible. this may not resonate for all, but don’t tell your friends everything about this relationship because some of them might be secretly thirsting over your person. they’ll be smiling in your face but behind the scenes wondering what it would be like to be with them, oof. some things are best kept private. remember that, okay!

PILE 3.

i feel a bit of a push and pull in this connection, pile 3. there’s friction here but it’s fiery and hot. your stubbornness is what makes you different from their previous partner lol they’re used to people falling for their charm and submitting to them – but not you. there seems to be a little bit of a romeo and juliet vibe here, like you two come from different backgrounds and technically y’all shouldn’t work but y’all just do. something clicks in you both whenever you’re around each other, and you spark a deep curiosity within each other. their last relationship was a “pain in the ass” i’m hearing lol wow. no matter what they did it was never good enough for their ex, they always found something to nitpick. i’m picking up that they argued a lot about finances in their previous relationship, your person may not have been in the financial position that they had hoped to be in but nonetheless they were working very hard towards their goals. this relationship with you is like a total reset.

ok so why did climax by usher just come on, “we’re together, now we’re undone. won’t commit, so we choose to run away. do we separate?” hm. for some of you, this might actually be an ex, but if that doesn’t resonate, i think there’s some sort of hesitation to commit here. emotionally and spiritually, you two just get each other, but when it comes to physically getting together and being an actual couple, you or this person finds a reason to cop out. there’s some sort of blockage from the past that’s keeping you from just saying, 'fuck it! let’s do it.' you've got to work through this, pile 3 (at your own pace, of course), because this person truly loves you. at times, you might feel a bit confused and unsure about their true intentions, but deep down, you know that this could work and they’re not as bad as you thought they were. some of this feels like it all could be cleared up with some good ol’ ✨communication✨ because you both have a lot in common, but you avoid talking to them about certain things.

someone in this pile could’ve recently just watched or is thinking of watching ‘anyone but you’ with sydney sweeney and glen powell lol cause the energy kinda feels reminiscent to their dynamic in that movie. you two could connect through friends and/or at a party. i can see either you or them overthinking this connection and creating unnecessary drama when all you both needed was a heart-to-heart conversation. drunk texting by chris brown ft. jhené aiko just came to mind, “got me feelin some type of way - told you i hate you, i don’t mean it. and the only thing that i got, is the pain that you been feeding.” ugh this person really wants to make you theirs pile 3 but the ball is in your court; they genuinely are trying to win you over.

PILE 4.

your person’s previous relationship did not end on the greatest of terms, oof. they’re still in the process of working through it, but they’ll never forget whatever it is that their ex did to make them call it quits. their ex might’ve cheated on them? idk they feel very betrayed and this energy of “ugh i can’t believe they did that” is heavy on them. their relationship with their ex was veryyy toxic and at the time of the breakup they might not have seen it this way, but it was definitely a blessing in disguise. love by keyshia cole just came to mind…damn. “i used to think that i wasn’t fine enough, and i used to think that i wasn’t wild enough.” their ex really had them second-guessing themselves. out of all the other piles, this one doesn’t feel quite healed from their past relationship. it’s not that they’re so much hung up on the person, it’s the situation that left a bad taste in their mouth. i keep hearing “how could you?” ugh poor baby. anyways, what makes you different from their previous partner is how genuine and attentive you are.

you may have just gotten out of a toxic situation yourself, and i see this relationship coming in at a time where you feel free from any negativity, burdens or worries someone (either romantically or platonically) was trying to place on you. this relationship is a fresh start for you and your partner. your person is very emotionally mature and super chill - it’s very hard to get them angry or riled up to the point that they’re screaming & yelling. that’s just not them, i’m hearing. some people might complain that they’re too nonchalant or dismissive, but that’s far from the case. your person is just aware that not everything deserves a reaction. you two will probably start off as friends first and then it’ll turn into a romantic relationship.

it’s interesting because your partner literally submerges themselves deep into their emotions, and you’re more of a ‘mind over matter’ type of person. you deal with things more logically and i think that’s one of the many things that they’ll admire about you; how you let things roll off your back and keep it moving. you give yourself time to process, understand and deal with your feelings, but then once you do, you’re right back to the grind. the dynamic between you and this person is reminding me of the movie ‘friends with benefits’ with mila kunis and justin timberlake. you both will click really fast! also, i’m picking up that you two might share a mutual friend and that might be how you two meet.

you give them hope and reassurance that love, GENUINE love, still exists. they might be a bit hard on themselves in the beginning of the relationship, but you will reassure them that they are more than enough and deserving of the love that you two share. loveeeeeeee song by rihanna ft. future just started playing, “and i hope i’m not sounding too desperate, i need love and affection.” whew! they’re gonna love them some you, pile 4. in their heart and in their eyes, nothing or no one will ever compare to you and the way that you love.

#pick a card #pick a pile #pac #pac reading #tarot reading #p1utofairy

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hyewka · 4 months ago

Note

or can u suggest any txt fic here (preferably the long ones w chapters) that u enjoyed?

sorry for the extremely extremely late reply but i’ll list some long fics + txt series’s that ive enjoyed with some comments attached to each one. spoiler alert, a completed txt series is pretty hard to find lol

series

lover = lo$er (sub!gyu, virgin fic)

it would be easy to just straight up recommend every @/wildernessuntothemselves series and i might just succumb to that later on but this is pure submissive beomgyu heaven, served as my first real awakening and i would probably attribute most of my sub gyu writing to this fic alone. 10/10, has a love triangle bit and beomgyus kind of insane

criminal conscience (dom!gyu, crime au)

on the other side of the spectrum, this is pussy clenching dom beomgyu goodness and i dont think it gets better than this. the writing is so compelling it fully immerses you in the narrative, even im getting sucked in to beomgyu’s manipulation (whats new really), blaring red flags and all. its currently on hiatus though but i would catch up either way beomiracles is a pretty consistent writer, she’d probably pick it up sooner or later :)

mosquito (soobin)

sorry this is going to be all over the place lol but this is also still ongoing (its only two parts in) but this writer is absolutely insane. narrative feels fleshed out and though it mainly follows soobin’s perspective and feelings, i am quite enjoying it so far. it has some idol x idol action as well, not the main focus of course but it is written in detail

one way (dom!beomgyu, themes of sadism)

this ones a three parter and its completed. by the same writer mentioned previously (soobrat), very very good storytelling, keeps you on your toes and has a hold on your emotions but like mentioned, it has a bit of an extremity in the smut and it is undeniably toxic but its good

sneaky link (dom yeonjun, the other woman trope)

i havent read this in a while but i remember staying up all night reading all of it lol. i would probably not recommend this to people who really cant read infidelity since thats what the fic is based around but it isnt cast in a very favorable light anyway. really toxic, seriously good

fuck you series (sub gyu, enemies to lovers, band au)

its really cute and the e2l set up is believable enough since theyre band rivals. beomgyu is so so so cute in this even if a little insufferable to mc lol. i would also recommend fairyofshampgyu’s now live series but its currently on an indefinite hiatus (its sooo good as well though so if youre willing, you should check it out)

nabi (best friends to lovers beomgyu, no smut)

two parts in, not completed but im following it currently and god i love them together their dynamic is soooo fun to read, you wont get bored

jerk! (enemies to lovers, beomgyu fic, no smut)

its another band au and its also ongoing. there isnt a consistent update schedule so that might be a minus but the most recent chapter was from a month ago so its safe to say it hasnt been left in the dust (thank god). very very good writing, excited to see how their relationship takes off

bullying choi soobin (sub soobin)

submissive soobin and its good, of course im recommending this. its finished and a 4 parter

sugar (dom!yeonjun, dom!gyu)

unfortunately probably forever incomplete but i love it and i might actually go back to reading it for the third time

let me into your world (non smut beomgyu series)

i havent read a soulmate premise in sooo long so this was refreshing to read, good stuff

supermodel (dom gyu and sub i believe)

its just. Amazing. a two parter but a goodie

the city that never sleeps (bsf smut)

also two parts but both parts are pretty long, really good stuff

ok for the life of me i cannot find this one huening series where he was getting bullied by reader and they were secretly fucking?? that one was literally perfect submissive men shit so if you find it if youve struck gold

long full fics (6k+)

telepathy (fantasy, dom!gyu)

a little out of the box compared to all the fics ive recommended so far and thats what makes it so special and good

duality (dom!kai)

i actually havent read this one yet but i will soon, i just thought id add it here anyway since i know ill love it

killer instinct (taehyun fic)

very plot heavy and it centers taehyun mainly. i could go ahead and cheat and just list out every single koqabear fic lmao but this ones a gem, very happy i set aside the time to read it

the redemption of choi yeonjun (dom!yj)

im not personally a fan of the trope but when it was originally teased the smut sounded heavenly and honestly, it is. such a good dom yeonjun here but beware hes a little (a lot) mean lol. he changes by the end

like cat and mouse! (sub gyu, inexperienced)

again, worth the reading time investment. i love submissive gyu, he is everything here and more

love love love (sub gyu, royal au)

i have probably read this a total of 30 times

i hate you (enemy!beomgyu, dom beomgyu)

ok sorry im cheating here a bit this isnt long but its so good you should check it out anyway

#hopefully this is a weeks worth of reading #i swear ive read more but combing my shit memory with tumblrs shit search function #is not the best #✶ ━━ rana ; answered

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cosmerelists · 2 months ago

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Renarin Ranks Starting Places For New Readers of the Cosmere Series

"Renarin ranks something" requested by @themoonstonechronicler :)

Fans often argue about where new readers should start in the Cosmere: which book is the best starting place? In this list, Renarin will rank various options. Because if any character can break the fourth wall, it's either Hoid (of course) or Renarin with his funky corrupted Future Sight.

[Contains Stormlight Spoilers through Rhythm of War!]

1. Way of Kings

"Starting with Way of Kings is like jumping into a 4 versus 1 Shardblade duel armed with a sword that screams when you touch it after a lifetime of not really being allowed to train in real combat scenarios due to your blood weakness. Will you be in over your head? Yes. Might the experience harm you? Very possibly. Will Kaladin's presence save you? Absolutely. Is it a bad idea? Objectively yes. BUT does this choice make you inherently cool? I think so. At least, I have no regrets."

...

"Make that very few regrets."

"I give this an 8/10."

2. Elantris

"Listen...I get it. You want to start from the beginning. Proceed chronologically. I think my cousin Jasnah would be inclined toward this. But speaking as a 'funky time guy,' as Adolin called me once, I have to say that the past doesn't necessarily predict the future and uh...this one just might be a little tough to start with. In my opinion."

"4/10."

3. Tress of the Emerald Sea

"I think...I think I like Wit. Mostly. There was that one time he tried to make everyone think I was hooking up with, like, multiple women at once, which was...weird. But he also made fun of me. Which does not sound good, but it meant he respected me in a Wit way. In any event, this book is like sitting and listening to Wit for hours. Is it good if that is the first thing you ever do? Maybe? The little rat is cute."

"9/10."

4. Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

"This one is Wit too. Just to get that out of the way. And I think it might be a little bit confusing for a first-time reader since it is clearly being told to a Rosharan, which is not something a new reader would understand."

"But on the other hand, it is maybe...refreshing to have a main character who hasn't yet realized what he's good at, and another main character who hasn't yet realized that not all aspects of her religion should restrict her as much as they do."

"So a confusing place to start, but not necessarily a bad one."

"6/10."

5. The Emperor's Soul

"This one is short! That might be good for someone who is looking for less of a commitment. Plus, it involves a lot of research into how things work, if that appeals to you. But I think the real benefit is that if someone is reading it to you, it would probably only take a few hours."

"10/10."

6. The Sunlit Man

"This book is like seeing into the future, since it is literally about the future. It's also very painful. Which, in my experience, the future often is. The future can be changed...but not in this case, because now it's written down. So I would say: start here at your own risk. On the other hand, it will probably seem less sad if you read it without any backstory. But it will make other things sadder later, trust me."

"3/10."

7. White Sand

"This one can be good if you're a man, since there are a lot of pictures. There are also a lot of words, of course, but if you're just starting out on the reading thing, then having the pictures would help a lot I'd imagine."

"6/10."

8. Warbreaker

"Speaking as someone who...well, I can't say that I deliberately make dramatic reveals, but I have been known to do things like scrawl warnings on a wall or appear suddenly from the shadows or, you know, stuff like that. So I might actually recommend reading this before you read our books, just so you can have those, 'Wait, it's YOU!' moments over and over again."

"Seriously, why did so many of those characters end up in our series?"

"I'm not answering the question, though. This one is standalone, and not too long, yet still manages to have a pretty big cast of characters and a bunch of storylines. It is like Sanderson training."

"8/10."

9. The Final Empire

"This is what everyone always tells you to do. Sometimes it can get frustrating when everyone is SO SURE that they know what's good for you, especially your dad, who won't listen when you tell him that you don't want to become an ardent even though he thinks it's the best. And you know what? In the end, I am a fighter, but also a scholar, since men can do both now. So sometimes what people say is good, but only when it happens in the way you want it to and...I think I lost the thread. Um. You can do what people tell you that you should do IF you want to. "

"If you start here, I imagine you'll like it. Sometimes what everyone tells you to do is a good idea...but only if it's what you want too."

"9/10."

10. The Alloy of Law

"Starting with Mistborn Era 2 is like bonding a corrupt spren. It's almost what everyone agrees is a good thing to do (start with Mistborn / bond a spren), only you're going about it in a...different way. But different is not necessarily bad! Yes, I have abilities that are maybe from Odium and that give me a maybe sacrilegious ability to foretell the future...but when given the chance, I immediately recommended my best friend do the same thing."

"Being different can be good. 7/10."

#cosmere #cosmerelists #Renarin #Stormlight Archive #Mistborn #Elantris #Tress of the emerald sea #Yumi and the nightmare painter #the sunlit man #warbreaker #the emperor's soul

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johnwickb1tsch · 5 months ago

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Sympathy For The Devil ~ Donaka Mark x fem!Reader

please allow me to introduce myself, i am a man of wealth & taste... -the Rolling Stones

Summary/ Warnings. Um… Donaka Mark is a scary rich asshole–with a soft spot for you. If you’re squeamish [or righteous] you’re not gonna want to read this. Voyeurism. Predatory behavior, manipulation. Power IMBALANCE. Eventual NSFW. Eventual line between dubcon and noncon is gonna be microscopic, y’all, this man plays gAmes… Reader is shy, but tough, in her way. Also, when I say Reader is small, I’m more implying just compared to Donaka. I kind of assume most of us would be, no matter your body type. 🥵

Big Fat Author’s note: This is a Donaka Mark x fem!Housekeeper!Reader fic based on the brilliant @discoscoob ‘s bot, which is SO fun to play with and I really recommend it. I fell into a rabbit hole for daaaaays. I’m in CAI Anonymous now. Seriously it was a problem.

I guess you could call this a little experimental hybrid fic written with AI. I was curious. And after working on this for weeks I don’t think the writer’s union really needs to worry about AI coming for their jobs. The bot’s writing is shamelessly fun but clunky, you delete more than you keep, it’s a lot of work to edit, and you really have to lead it by the hand for anything to actually HAPPEN.

THAT SAID it is sO entertaining, and once in a while he’d do something i wouldn’t have ever thought of, I felt like the lab rat hitting the button for the treat over and over again, LOL. Disco really knew what she was doing when she programmed the personality of the bot! It was also helpful in keeping a character on track. I think AI could be a useful tool generating ideas, breaking writers block, or something to bounce ideas off of, but not for the grunt work of actually writing a story that has any soul in it. Isn’t that a relief? I made an outline and basically ran the scenes through like a simulator to see what the bot came up with. And when I didn’t like it I made it do it again, LOL, the Donaka bot probably thinks i’m a bossy c*nt.🤣

So….I hope you enjoy, and a HUGE THANKS to Disco for giving me permission to even do this, you’re the sweetest my dear, and the Queen of the Bot Creators in my book!!

And and…it’s been a LONG ass time since I’ve been to Hong Kong. I did some research to refresh my memory but please bear with me. All mistakes are my own. Why do we say that? Who the fuck else’s would they be? 🤣 Obv. this is set c 2013, when Man of Tai Chi came out, before the crackdown in 2020. Oh, and, I have no real idea about work visas, i made that shit up... just roll with it. 🙃😘

One. 一

The first time you meet your new employer, Donaka Mark, you aren’t really even paying attention.

It’s because you have on headphones, and you’re intently focused on sweeping the floor while listening to your upbeat girl power rock mix–so you don’t hear him yelling at someone over the phone threateningly, and you don’t notice when his gaze locks on to you like a tiger who has just spied a tasty little deer.

You are oblivious, as he comes up behind you, appraising your figure with narrowed eyes. You seem small, next to him, but most women do. He decides he approves of his assistant’s choice in hiring you. You’re a sight he won’t tire of for a long time.

Donaka leans on the door frame, his dark eyes fixated on you, taking in your every minute detail, the way the muscles in your arms move, the shape of your face, the curve of your hips and your little feet. His expression is stoic but behind it are a million thoughts running through his mind, he can’t take his eyes off you and after a few moments he finally speaks, his dark tone cutting through the music. “You’re new.”

Your music wasn't so loud that you were unaware of outside sounds. Standing up straight, you sweep off your headphones to face the commanding voice. "Yes, sir?"

Donaka notices he towers over you, and he likes that. His dark eyes shamelessly take in your innocent eyes, your lips, your curves. His gaze lingers almost long enough to make it uncomfortable, but not quite.

“Have you been informed of all of your duties?” Donaka asks, his tone and gaze both demanding and intense, making you feel small.

"Yes, Mr. Mark."

Donaka smiles at his name on your lips, the way you say it, the way you look up at him with your wide eyes. He likes it more than he’d like to admit, but he knows how to mask his emotions well. Even though his expression is still stony, there’s a hint of excitement in his breast as he leans off the door frame and takes a few steps closer, but still maintains a respectable distance. “And you can handle them?”

"Yes, Sir."

Donaka nods, his dark eyes slowly and shamelessly trailing over your figure again. “Good.” Donaka murmurs, his dark and intense tone making his next sentence more of a demand. “I need to be able to depend on you. I like things just so.”

You tilt your head, feeling like you’re missing some subtext, or that you’re the butt of an unspoken joke. "Your house will be clean, Sir.” Between you and the two other girls on the household staff, surely you could manage.

Donaka smirks at your naïve reply, his dark eyes still fixated on your face as he takes another step closer to you, almost like a predator stalking its prey. “I trust that it will…” Donaka purrs, his voice low and smooth, his dark stare intense and demanding. “Let me show you the rest of the house…”

You’d already received a walk-through with his assistant, but you are more than intrigued to receive a personal tour from the big man himself. There is something captivating about him. It's not just his good looks. His presence commands your attention.

Donaka can feel you watching him as you follow him down the hallway, the way you’re intrigued by him, the way you’re staring. It fills him with satisfaction, like you’re a new prize he’s added to the shelf of his collection.

He’s aware of the effect he has on people. Men fear him, women want him. Yet you don’t look at him with the same blatant hunger he’s used to from the opposite sex. You’re curious, but not ready to fall down on your knees yet.

He would see how long it takes to change that. He glances over his shoulder at you as he leads you through the house, his dark eyes looking you up and down again. You follow close, taking two steps for every one of his, his legs are so long.

He can’t help but feel somewhat amused, enjoying the way you have to scurry to keep up with him. He can’t help but think how easy it would be, to pick you up, and to pin you down…

Donaka Mark’s home is an achievement of luxury architecture, dark, modern, yet filled with Chinese elements of style. Ceiling-high tinted windows afford a breathtaking view of the bay. His living room is like a museum filled with priceless artifacts. Antique carved ivory elephant tusks, beautiful Ming vases and exquisite stone Elder statues, silk scrolls and bladed weapons. All of it you will be expected to keep tidy with a painstaking hand. You think it’s possible your practically useless degree in art history and former employment in a gallery may have given you an edge in his assistant’s selection of hiring you.

He seems to genuinely enjoy your interest in these things, telling you about them at length. There is a large Qing dynasty vase in cobalt blue and gold enamel designs of clouds, cranes, and bats you cannot tear your eyes from. It looks…familiar, and in person, utterly enchanting.

“You like that one?”

“I like bats,” you admit, shoving your hands in your apron pockets so that you do not forget yourself and touch it with your bare fingers. You will be wearing gloves, when you detail these items.

He lifts an eyebrow at that, seemingly amused. “Oh?”

“They’re cute. And…they’re good luck.” In Chinese culture, at least.

“Most women I’ve met find them sinister.”

“I think…they’re just misunderstood.” You can’t help looking up at this intimidating man through your eyelashes at that. You swear you didn’t mean to start double talking with your new boss–it just falls out of your stupid mouth, and you feel his attention upon you sharpen.

He’s used to women looking at him in a certain way, women staring up at him with lustful hunger. The way you look at him feels different –like you truly see him–he’s not sure what to make of it yet, and that is certainly new for Donaka Mark. “Misunderstood?” he repeats, his dark gaze intense, looking down at you from his lofty elevation.

"Sure. They have a reputation for being scary, but really they eat mosquitoes and pollinate plants. Without them whole ecosystems would collapse."

Donaka hums at your words, finding it surprisingly endearing. He’s usually used to women fawning over him or at least trying to seduce him, but you’re here lecturing him about bats. His smirk remains on his face as he watches you fidget nervously, his dark eyes fixed on you. You look back to the vase, and then it dawns on you. “Oh my god…is this the piece that sold at Christies last year for like…1.5 million dollars?” You take another cautious step backwards, as though you might shatter it if you breathe wrong. You saw it in an article–the gold enamel had been so distinctive against the blue. Sacrifice blue, the same as in the Temple of Heaven in Beijing.

Only after the question falls from your mouth do you realize how gauche it is to ask, your hands flying to your lips. “Forgive me, it’s none of my business.”

Mark, however, just continues to look at you interestedly. “You follow auction results?”

“I follow…art news,” you confess.

He nods, his intense gaze starting to become uncomfortable. “Actually, it was 1.8 million. You think I overpaid?”

You feel like this is a test–or a trap. It was a nice job, for the day it lasted…

“Well…it doesn’t seem you bankrupted yourself?”

He snorts in answer, shaking his head.

“Does it make you happy?”

He lifts an eyebrow at that, as though the thought hadn't even occurred to him. “It made me happy to outbid a Sheikh’s son and a Mainlander plastics tycoon for it,” he admits.

Ah, so he was invested in the thrill of acquisition–not appreciation for the object itself. You shouldn’t be surprised.

“I see.”

“I’ve disappointed you.” It’s not phrased as a question.

You shake your head, though maybe it does a little. Looking around his home, you’d thought Mark had exquisite taste–but he probably has an art buyer like every other obscenely rich businessman needing to acquire items for the sake of cachet.

“Does it make you happy?” he asks, and there is an unexpected hint of playfulness in the question–delivered on a knife’s edge.

“Yes,” you admit. Frankly you’re stunned you get to see it like this, without a glass barrier or sensors or alarms. It’s usually the only way people like you get to enjoy art like this.

He smirks at you. “Then it was worth every penny.” He’s being sarcastic, of course, but there is a glitter of something in his dark eyes. It’s there and gone, like ripples in a pool–it makes your heart skip in your chest.

“Let me show you the rest of the house,” he invites, before placing a hand on your lower back, his fingers large and strong against your soft skin as he gently guides you away from the vase and to the next room.

His light touch makes you aware of every nerve in your body. It's not quite improper enough to complain about--you’re sure he’s well aware of that.

And…there's the fact, deep down, that you like it.

The span of his big hand on your spine makes you feel impossibly small, and protected, and that is insane, of course, because you are just the maid.

He shows you the library, filled with built-in bookcases that make you drool, his office with his huge carved ebony desk that makes you think impure thoughts…and then, his bedroom.

He isn’t oblivious to the way your reaction changes as you enter the room where he sleeps.

He can see the way your eyes roam and your expression changes, the way you look at the massive bed against the far wall, the way your eyes widen when you look at the expensive rosewood furniture and the stunning view out the wall of windows that can be brightened or obscured with a dimmer switch. He watches you intently as he takes in your every reaction.

He's all business on the surface, specifying clean sheets every other day, laundry, and daily detailing of the bathroom. But it's hard not to keep looking over at the bed, even out the corner of your eye.

He knows exactly what he’s doing to you, but he doesn’t push it, staying just this side of the line. You don't linger, and he shows you a more private lounging area filled with a long leather couch, additional chairs, and monitors, all black at the moment. There's something almost sinister about all the screens, and you wonder what all he's watching.

“You must really like movies?” you ask hopefully, and he senses the wariness in you. Your intuitiveness gives him a small thrill–he likes it, that you’re smart enough to be afraid.

“I like to watch all kinds of things,” he tells you, almost like a dare for you to guess what that means. “But mostly…I use these for business. I run a security company, I assume you’re aware?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Donaka decides he loves hearing the submission in your tone when you call him Sir. It’s almost like a promise to keep him happy, to do exactly as he says.

He asks you to keep all the screens clean, and to dust the cords and routers and be careful not to unplug anything.

Then your attention turns to a meditation area, a massive sand sculpture on the wall and the floor, flanked by natural stacked stone. “Wow, been a while since someone vacuumed here,” you crack, earning a reluctant huff of laughter from the man behind you.

“Maybe…leave that alone, for now,” he requests, then his hand is on your back again, guiding you out.

Though it’s not going to be your area of responsibility, he shows you the garden next. It's a beautiful, manicured space. Two Rottweilers patrol the grounds. They look fierce, but one immediately comes up, sniffing you and leaning on your leg for a pet.

Donaka blinks as his reputably ferocious and staggeringly expensive pure-bred guard animals roll over at your feet for a belly rub. Delighted, you pet them both, speaking to them sweetly. They grin up at you, their dagger-like canines glinting in the sun.

He is never one to be moved by anything sentimental, but something about the sight of you like this inspires a warm twinge in his chest–heartburn, he reasons.

“Let me guess,” he says acerbically. “They’re just misunderstood?”

You press your lips, trying to suppress a smile, and failing. "Animals tend to like me?"

He can honestly admit, as he watches you crouch down to administer a belly rub, that he’s never been jealous of a dog before.

Sensing that maybe you’re not doing the dogs or yourself any favors with this severe man, you try to shoo them off. "Ok, babies. Go back to being fierce again. Shoo."

Donaka snorts with amusement as he watches you attempt to gently shoo these dogs that are nearly as big as you are. Suddenly he whistles sharply, administering a sharp command in Cantonese. That is when the dogs jerk to attention, and trot off to patrol the grounds again. He turns his attention back to you, taking in your slight expression of surprise, clearly caught off guard. "That was impressive,” you admit. “What did you say?”

“I told them to get back to work,” says Donaka with a smirk.

“Ah. I guess I better learn that one.”

“Will I be needing to reprimand you too, Miss y/n?”

You’re not sure why his dark stare calls up a boiling heat inside you at that moment. You press your thighs beneath your dress, under the guise of standing up straight. You’re afraid…he knows all too well.

“I…certainly hope not.” You’re pretty sure that you’d pee yourself if this intimidating man raised his voice to you.

“Have you learned much Chinese since you’ve been here?” he asks conversationally, just as you assumed it was time for you to get back to work.

“I can count to ten, and say thank you,” you admit, a little embarrassed. Obviously, you intend to learn more. “The essentials for international travel.” You’d originally come to Hong Kong to teach English, but when you saw the pay attached to this job listing you couldn’t resist the opportunity. Teaching was ok, but you hadn’t anticipated how expensive this city would be. You’d only made enough to cover your basic expenses month to month, with no room to save or do any fun activities or side trips to the mainland. This position paid three times as much–and you were beginning to understand why.

“Hmm. Have you traveled much?” He seems skeptical, and you don’t really blame him.

“I’ve…been all over the world,” you admit, albeit it was on a shoestring. “I wanted to be a travel writer.”

“Wanted to be?” He is a man who picks up on subtlety immediately.

It’s a dream you’ve all but given up on, after publishing a few articles, but all in all it was more slog than triumph. You’re not cut out for the grind of periodical work, the stress and the deadlines. It sucks all the joy out of writing for you. You shrug with a little sigh.

“I hope you will remember the NDA you signed to work here?” he asks, his dark eyes roaming your face, taking in your every micro-expression. You would really hate trying to lie to this man. Good thing you’re not a corporate spy. He’d probably…string you up, and do something unmentionable to you.

Why the thought titillates you more than scares you, you have no idea.

“Of course, Sir.” He seems satisfied with this. So why do you have to add, “I won’t tell anyone your guard dogs are suckers for a belly scratch.”

He frowns down at you, stepping in close so that you have to crane your neck to look up at him. It’s intimidating as hell, and you know he knows it too. You admit that you are shaking in your shoes under that look, until a smirk breaks his intense expression, and the relief you feel is palpable.

“I would appreciate that, Miss y/n.”

Donaka savors the satisfaction he feels in flustering you, enjoying the way you swallow, watching the muscles in your throat. He imagines what his hand would look like there, on your delicate skin, your pulse fluttering against his strong fingers. He would literally hold your life in his hands…and the moment you surrendered to him, he would so enjoy rewarding you for it…

He finds himself caught up in this little daydream, while you stand before him, practically hypnotized like a mouse before a hungry snake. “Y/n?”

“Sir?” you answer quietly, and he revels in your deference. This was going to be fun.

He speaks Cantonese again, softly this time, the language beautiful and whispery on his tongue. You find yourself staring at his lush, pink, lips, and it takes you several moments to realize he’d said the same thing he’d told the dogs: get back to work.

Flooded with embarrassment, your face on fire, you stutter, “Yes, Sir.”

With a dark chuckle and his hands in the pockets of his designer suit, he watches as you practically flee back to the house.

The Smithsonian article about this vase...

Aesthetic post about Donaka's house...

Part 2 -->

all chapters

#donaka mark #donaka mark x reader #donaka mark x you #donaka mark x y/n #keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #julias deranged donaka x housekeeper fic

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oliversrarebooks · 6 months ago

Text

The Rare Bookseller Part 56: Jessica's Soiree

Previous > Masterlist > Next

September 1905

tw: mind control, dehumanization, slavery, blood drinking, assault

Fitz couldn't stop fidgeting with his mask. He'd adorned both his and Lex's masks with as many sequins and feathers as he could fit, procured under protest by Lex, who insisted that neither of them should stand out.

Ever since he'd given in to his desire for Lex, life had become far more interesting and rewarding. As soon as they had realized there was no need to pretend to be aloof, they spent the night entangled in each other more often than not, an arrangement that suited Fitz just fine. Fitz draped himself across Lex's lap while reading, allowed himself to be held close to the vampire's chest while sleeping, distracted Lex with his hands while he played the piano, accepted blissful shoulder rubs accompanied by cold lips trailing down his neck.

Fitz felt more comfortable with himself than he had in a long time. Lex seemed greatly cheered by it, as well, despite his dangerous ongoing quest to enthrall hunters weighing on his mind. He smiled more, spent more time with his music. He never seemed to miss an opportunity to run his fingers through Fitz's hair or nuzzle into the nape of his neck, looking at Fitz as if he was the eighth wonder of the world, a sight Fitz never tired of.

Tonight, though, Lex was more nervous than he'd been in some time. "You really don't have to accompany me to this, Fitz," he said. "It's going to be unpleasant, and you may see things you'd consider distasteful."

"How many people ever get the chance to attend a vampire's ball -- well, and still be in their right minds? I couldn't possibly miss it. Besides, don't you want to show me off in front of everyone?"

"No," said Lex firmly. "As much as I'd love to display you to the world, vampires' envy is a dangerous thing. If any vampire there dare lay hands on you -- well. Try to be careful, for both of our sakes, will you?"

Fitz grinned. "You know me. I'm always careful."

They arrived at the ballroom a little past nine. The masquerade ball was an annual affair run by several old and fashionable vampires of the city. According to Lex, anyone who was anyone in vampire society was expected to be there, and bring their high-class thralls with them as though they were prized pets at a dog show. Fitz was eager to see what the upper crust of vampire society was like, and untroubled by Lex's warnings. He knew how to conduct himself at a ball, and had an unusual appetite for the distasteful. Lex seemed like a sensitive soul for a vampire, so to speak, so Fitz found it hard to take his warnings completely seriously.

Lex only hesitated slightly before pushing the door open. The ballroom was full of mingling vampires dressed in expensive, dazzling costumes, a sea of rainbow colors and intricate lace and ornate embroidery and glittering gemstones.

It didn't take long for Fitz to see the distasteful sights Lex had warned him about. Scanning the room, he saw that while some thralls were walking beside their masters freely, like he was, many more were entrapped in some obvious way. They were dressed in costumes as elaborate as their masters', with bindings made of silk ribbon and golden handcuffs encrusted in jewels. All of the thralls' costumes revealed their necks, and most revealed much more. Most were kneeling beside their vampire masters, looking demurely at the ground or staring blankly into space as the vampires laughed and talked. There were a few humans chained to the wall, with dazed expressions and fresh wounds on their necks. Fitz watched as a vampire approached one and sunk her fangs in, realizing that these humans were the refreshments.

The sight of the enthralled humans should have repulsed him, but he couldn't fight the confusing swirl of feelings in his heart as he watched a handsome young man, wearing only shorts and and a jeweled leash, gazing up at his master with entranced adoration. The thought of serving Lex so completely was terrifying and enticing in turn, and Fitz had to look away.

"Welcome, esteemed sir." A hypnotized human approached Lex as he stepped into the room, her vacant, lidded eyes barely able to focus as she curtsied low. "May I please interest you in an hors d'oeuvre?"

Lex glanced at Fitz. "It's… polite to partake, when offered," he said apologetically. He took the thrall's chin in his hand, looked her in the eye, and hummed a simple tune of obedience and pleasure. The thrall's eyes dulled further, accompanied by a dazed smile, and she let out a soft sound of pleasure as Lex sipped from the wound on his neck.

As Fitz's conflicting thoughts intensified, he doubted for the first time his decision to accompany Lex here.

"Oh my! Is that Mr. Alexander I see?" called a woman's voice. As Lex let the hors d'oeuvre thrall go on his way, they were approached by a woman in an elaborate dress of fine pink silk, decorated with silk flowers and rhinestones. Everything from her hair to her mask to her shoes seemed carefully considered and smacked of money and taste. A delicate golden leash allowed her to pull along a stupefied-looking young man with exceptionally handsome features and an equally gaudy gown. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Good evening, Lady Jessica," said Lex politely. "I appreciate your invitation. It seems you've outdone yourself this time. The ballroom is impeccable."

"Oh, I have. Wait until you hear the music I've hired -- it's enough to please even the most particular of music lovers, I should hope." She turned to Fitz with an eager gleam in her eye. "And what is this pretty little thing?"

"My name is Fitz, sir," he interjected just as Lex went to speak for him.

"Oh, my. So adorable and so bold! Mr. Alexander, I'd heard you had acquired quite the thrall for yourself, but if I had realized he was this irresistible, I would have surely stopped by your manor. I can't believe you were keeping something this delightful all cooped up in your dusty old library."

"Yes, I purchased him at the last major auction," said Lex stiffly.

Before Fitz could protest being treated like a show pony, Lady Jessica stepped closer to him and all of his protests… and thoughts… slowed… down.

"Aren't you just the sweetest thing?" said Lady Jessica, ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead.

"Sweet…" Fitz murmured in a daze, swaying gently as Lady Jessica pawed at him. His own thoughts felt like soap bubbles, empty and popping as soon as he tried to grasp at them, replaced with simpler, honeyed images of subservience.

"You'd look so darling if only I could dress you. I can think of at least half a dozen outfits in my thralls' wardrobe that would look just perfect on you," she cooed. "Perhaps your master would arrange a trade for my thrall? Just for a weekend, perhaps?"

A sense of alarm tried to penetrate the cotton candy that clouded Fitz's mind. "No, I…" he said, trying to explain, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth. "…I want Master. I want to serve my Master."

"Aww! How absolutely precious!"

Lex stepped between Fitz and Lady Jessica, and Fitz mercifully felt his head start to clear. "I'm afraid that Fitz is not for sale or trade, for any price or any length of time."

"You're no fun," said Lady Jessica with a mock pout. "It's hardly fair of you to keep this thrall to yourself. But I understand. If he were mine, I wouldn't let a single soul touch him either."

"I'm glad we understand each other," said Lex. "If you'll excuse me, I see an old dear friend that I'd like to say hello to."

Fitz shook his head, coming back to his senses. "What the hell was that? What did she do to me?"

"Oh, that was Lady Jessica. Her aura basically removes human intelligence. Sorry you got caught in that -- she's the hostess of this party so I had to be polite and make small talk, you know."

"There sure is a lot of required decorum for this vampire soiree," grumbled Fitz, still smarting from embarrassment. "I confess I expected vampires to be a bit more… freewheeling. Hedonistic."

"This is a gathering of powerful and rich vampires, and you don't become a powerful and rich vampire overnight. All of the vampires here have lived many decades, if not a century or more, and are very stuck in their ways. Even the hedonism has a dozen layers of social rules underpinning it."

Lex was approaching a vampire who was very practically attired compared to everyone else, with a plain blue afternoon dress and a simple black domino mask with a single feather. She was accompanied by a similarly dressed woman in her thirties or so. "Good evening, Edith. Good evening, Katherine. I'd like to introduce you to my… companion, Fitz." He turned to Fitz. "Dr. Edith is an old friend of mine. Her thrall, Katherine, has been with her for… what is it now?"

"About ten years," said Katherine. Fitz was relieved to see that Katherine wasn't visibly restrained or dazed in any way, simply standing next to her master and observing the crowd.

"Charmed to meet you," said Fitz. "Ten years is quite a long time to serve a vampire."

"With any luck, it'll be ten years more," she replied.

"Alexander, I'm so glad you have a thrall again after what happened to poor Edmund. I only wish I could have done more for him," said Edith.

"It wasn't your fault. You did what you could," said Alexander. "Say, I wanted to ask you how Evelyn's oldest is holding up, after her bout with the flu…"

The two vampires began chatting about names that Fitz had never heard, Katherine chiming in at points. Ordinarily, Fitz would try to involve himself in the conversation, ingratiating himself to anyone new he meets, but he found himself constantly distracted from the dull chit-chat by the uneasy but alluring soiree. Here were a couple of vampires laughing and talking while sipping from bloodied thralls. Here was a woman wearing little more than a collar and mask, kneeling on the floor and doing tricks for for her master. Here was an eerie pair of identical twins with identical blank expressions, chained together with intricate bonds.

His attention was drawn by a nearby group loosely surrounding a vampire in a very old-fashioned suit, at least a century out of date. The vampire was slowly swinging an ornate pocket watch in front of a young man's face, like a mesmerist from a vaudeville show. The unfortunate young man was swaying along with the watch, eyelids heavy and drooping, his jaw slack as a bit of drool dripped from his mouth and onto the floor.

He couldn't take his eyes off the man.

No, he couldn't take his eyes off the watch.

The way it flashed… its weight… its rhythm… he just needed to watch it… watch it swing… watch it sway… back and forth…

He needed to get closer…

He needed to watch… needed to sleep… needed to obey…

"Hey, watch where you're going, human!"

Fitz was shaken from his unexpected trance state when he accidentally collided with a large and angry-looking vampire in a poorly tailored suit. He looked around and realized that he couldn't see Lex -- he'd wandered off and been separated from his port in the storm.

"You're not with anyone," said the vampire. "Are you a refreshment boy? Finally, some decent blood."

The vampire leaned in with intent to feed, and Fitz found himself filled with an invasive and uncomfortable aura, rooting him to the spot and dazing his mind even as it felt like bugs crawling beneath his skin. Even as he screamed at himself to flee, his conditioning looped its invisible chains around him, keeping him frozen and silent. He existed to serve vampires, to be obedient to their wills. The desire to submit began to drag his consciousness under, as he slowly tilted his neck…

You're mine, he heard Lex sing in his mind, as he had on so many nights. Mine and no one else's.

"No!" he said, snapping himself out of it and pushing the unwanted vampire away. "I'm not a buffet item for your enjoyment, sir. And if you'll excuse me, I'm heading back to find my master."

Before Fitz could turn away, the front of his dress was pulled into an iron grip, enough that he was almost lifted off the ground. "How dare a mere thrall takes that tone with me. Your master must be a half-wit or a weakling, because they neglected to teach you how to behave around your superiors."

As usual, Fitz's mouth opened before he could stop himself. "And someone neglected to teach you how to wear clothes and comb your hair, sir. How does it feel to be dressed worse than your so-called inferior?"

He knew it was a mistake even as the words left his mouth. The furious vampire let go of his dress only to grab his wrist, twisting it and forcing Fitz onto his knees. "Know your place, filthy cattle."

Unable to escape, Fitz spit at him, right in his eye.

His all too brief life flashed before his eyes as the vampire pulled back his fist with murderous rage in his eyes. He was going to die here. His head was about to be mashed into paste by a stupid, clumsy vampire. His master was going to be so disappointed things turned out this way, but probably not particularly surprised.

"Excuse me, Jameson." Lex materialized from the crowd, grabbing onto the vampire's fist. "You need to take your hands off of my thrall. Now."

"This worthless piece of garbage spit in my face!"

"And you're manhandling my thrall," Lex practically growled in a tone Fitz had never before heard. "Let him go and leave him alone, and we'll call it even."

Jameson scoffed, but released Fitz's wrist, letting him collapse to the floor. "I was doing you a favor, Alexander," he said, towering at least a foot over Lex with a sneer on his face. "Your precious little thrall was deep in trance and heading straight towards Lord Edgar. It's obvious it's neglected and longing for a taste of actual power to put it where it belongs."

Lex glanced over at Fitz, who was smarting both from the pain in his wrist and the sheer humiliation of being caught out by hypnosis that wasn't even directed at him. "I would tell you not to speak of things you don't understand, Lord Jameson, but I suppose then you'd have very little to talk about."

The rage previously directed at Fitz was simmering in Lex's direction, now. "Insult me all you want. I still know you're full of it," he said. "They say you're one of the most powerful vampires in the city, but you can't even stop an empty-headed thrall like that from doing as it pleases. It's your sire who has all the real power. You must be such a disappointment."

"You think I'm unable to control a thrall?"

"I don't think it, I know it."

Cold determination set into Lex's face, and he began to sing, loud and clear and beautiful and captivating. The vampire ball faded and warped around Fitz as that voice filled his mind. Lex sang of control, of obedience, of bliss, of sleep. Deep, deep sleep. A sleep where the only thing that mattered was listening, a sleep where he could obey so easily even with his mind locked in slumber.

Fitz's curiosity about what Lex was doing was the only thing that allowed him to keep his drowsy eyes open. As he swayed in the grip of his master's irresistible song, he heard a yawn behind him, then a thump, and then a larger commotion. Even through his rapidly blurring vision, Fitz could see thralls falling to the song all around him, slipping to the floor as sleep overtook them.

And then, Fitz's desire to stay awake and see what would happen was consumed by the much deeper desire to obey the song, to shut his eyes, to let himself fall under the spell. He felt a drowsy smile spread across his face as he sank completely to the floor, feeling as if he could listen to the song and dream forever.

Previous > Masterlist > Next

I'm sure that won't come back to bite Fitz.

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#whump #writing #whump writing #vampires #vampire whump #vampire whumper #mind control #hypnosis #blood drinking #masquerade ball #dehumanization #rare bookseller #alexander #fitz #jessica #jameson #edgar #edith #katherine

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rollinouttahere-writes · 2 years ago

Text

Lucky Break Prologue

Yandere Straw Hats x fem!Reader

5k words

I finally got this done, boy did it take longer than I had planned. I’ve worked hard on this and will continue to, so I hope everyone who takes the time to read this enjoys it! This fic is for the most part going to feature platonic yanderes, and the reader insert does use she/her pronouns.

There isn’t much One Piece stuff in this chapter, but there will be in the next.

When you’re a kid, everything seems so simple. You look around at the world around you and assume you know exactly how your life is going to go. After you finish high school, you’ll go to college and study for a major of your choosing. Immediately upon graduation, you’ll get a job in your desired field, and have a prosperous career to be proud of. Somewhere along the way, you’ll get married, maybe have some kids, and eventually enjoy a comfortable retirement where you will look back on your life with nothing but pride!

Yeah right. What a joke.

If provided with the opportunity to go back in time, you would kick your child-self’s ass for her naivety and optimism. How dare she foolishly get her own hopes up for a good and easy life.

Okay, so maybe you’re a little bitter, but who could blame you? Who isn’t disappointed with how at least one aspect of their life is going? It’s perfectly normal. Though, admittedly, for you it was wayyyy more than one aspect.

For starters, your job sucked. Not an uncommon complaint, but one that wore you down dramatically. Being a waitress was hell, but what could you do? You need money to live just like anyone else. Not that you were making much, not if the late fees were anything to go off.

You couldn’t get a better job because the more desirable jobs were all long since taken. Well, what few jobs you could apply for given the lack of a college degree. Oh yeah, you’re a college drop out. Much to the intense disappointment of your parents. They kicked you out when you told them and have hardly spoken to you since.

Seriously though, what did they want you to do? Keep going to school in hopes that you’ll magically figure out what you want to and go into horrible debt in the meantime? It’s easy to tell someone to keep going to college when you're not the one paying for it. You don’t understand how you’re the bad guy for not wanting to take your student loans to the grave.

It didn’t help that the friends you had have all slowly fallen out of contact with you since you moved away. You thought that maybe starting new somewhere else would be refreshing, foolishly not realizing how difficult making new friends as an adult is. You had some coworkers that you go along with well enough. They had even talked about meeting up outside of work to just hang out, but these plans never fully came to fruition thanks to conflicting schedules.

Whatever. Dwelling on it isn’t going to help you. You need to focus on the here and now.

Currently, you were on a bus, and not to go to work this time. No, you were going to indulge yourself tonight with a little urban exploration. Today’s target was a somewhat recently abandoned mall. It’s been closed for around a year now, long enough for retailers to take what they wanted and for cops to be beginning to lose interest in constantly patrolling it. It was still under surveillance, but nothing you didn’t know how to navigate.

You spent a couple weeks scoping out the place, a nearby cafe made it easy to do so without raising suspicion. There wasn’t any on site security to worry about, you just had to keep an eye out for the occasional cop car that would drive by. They only stopped to investigate if there was a car in the parking lot near the building. This wouldn’t be a problem for you given your lack of a personal vehicle.

The plan was straightforward. You’d already identified an entry point while poking around the building at night, an employee only door with a busted lock. It took a bit of elbow grease to jerk it open, but there wasn’t an alarm rigged to it, so it was perfect. All you needed to do was make sure no one spotted you as you went in, and you would be golden.

The bus was slowing to a stop, and it was your turn to get off. Shouldering your backpack, you scooted to the edge of the seat in preparation. As soon as it stopped, you were on your feet and hurrying to the door. The mall was only a couple blocks from here in a rapidly failing part of the city. The only businesses around there were the aforementioned cafe and a couple of thrift stores. Fortunately, your way in was facing away from those stores. As long as a cop wasn’t driving by as you snuck in, no one would see you.

As you made your way there, you could feel the excitement setting in. You didn’t have much in your life to look forward to, this was one of the few things that made you feel alive. The thrill of getting in and out without being caught was addictive if you were being completely honest with yourself.

There were other pros to it, too. Sometimes you got lucky and found something valuable that you could pawn. A forgotten piece of jewelry, a dropped phone, some abandoned tools, you never knew what you were going to find. Even if you didn’t find anything, it was fun to be able to explore an old building with no one around. It gave you this sense of adventure your life was otherwise devoid of.

Granted, there were risks. Cops being the biggest one. Having a criminal record sounded less than ideal to you. There was also the concern raised by the fact that you did this completely alone. If something went wrong and you got seriously hurt, no one would be likely to find out until it was too late. That, and the threat of encountering someone dangerous.

So far, you’ve gotten lucky, only ever personally running into a couple of other urban explorers that were fortunately perfectly nice. There had been a few other close calls, but you were able to avoid detection those times. Your mom used to harp on this, saying one of these days you would get killed or kidnapped while doing this. Maybe she was right, but you couldn’t say you cared that much.

At least you wouldn’t have to go to your next shift!

You shook your head at the depressing thought. It’s not good to think that way, even if it was how you felt.

The mall was just ahead now, you looked around the parking lot for any indicators that anyone else was here. Nothing. It was completely empty. Good. Despite your excitement, you keep your pace casual, not wanting to attract attention.

Taking a cursory glance around, you don’t see any cop cars on patrol. You’re officially out of sight of the nearby businesses, so you shift into a power walk, wanting to get inside quickly while no one is around. You put on some disposable gloves and also pull a facemask out of your pocket and fasten it onto your face. Partially in case the air is bad, but also to protect yourself in case there are any security cameras.

The door takes a good few pulls to open up, but that’s fine. You do one more look around, and upon seeing nothing, you go in. The second the door shuts, you’re thrown into darkness. You fish a flashlight out of your backpack and click it on. It became immediately apparent that you were not the first person to discover this way in, the walls were already covered in graffiti. That and there were some heroin needles on the ground. You know, the usual signs of life.

You carefully make your way down the hall, trying to make your way into the main part of the mall. The air was musky, the smell easily cutting through your mask. It was far from pleasant, but you’ve smelled worse. At least you weren’t smelling any shit (yet).

The door at the end of the hall was easier to open than the last, no resistance at all. You peek out, looking for anything concerning before stepping out. There was natural light coming in from some sliding glass doors nearby. Looks like this place used to be a Macy’s or something like that. Lingering near the glass doors wouldn’t be a good idea, so you hurry off away from it. Once you’re in the main part of the mall you shouldn’t have to worry about being spotted from the outside.

The former maybe-macy’s was picked clean, they didn’t leave anything behind besides the counters and some flyers advertising a long since past sale. No shelves, no mannequins that would give you a heart attack if you saw them out of the corner of your eye, nothing.

Outlets in malls were typically very thorough when cleaning out after closing, you doubt you’ll find anything valuable here unless some other explorer left something behind. Oh well. You do this more for the experience than anything.

You found the way out pretty quick and took in the sight of the abandoned mall. Even after being closed for a year, it still had a certain beauty to it. The research you did on the mall told you it was built in the early 70’s and the architecture reflected it. The ceiling had a quirky pattern to it, with blocks of it being solid and other blocks being glass to let natural light in.

There was also an artsy metal structure that climbed all the way up to the second floor, and a big water fountain that acted as the centerpiece. Granted, all of this was decorated with a layer of broken glass from the shattered guardrails on the second floor, but still. This kind of decor was rare to see in modern malls, with all of them wanting to be as plain as possible. This was a pleasant change of scenery.

You meandered through the open space, glass crunching under your boots with each step. The escalators were right ahead of you. Like the guardrails, the glass on was also shattered, but that didn’t matter. As long as the stairs were in one piece, you could still climb them.

You had a specific destination in mind for your visit here. Yes, you would like to see every nook and cranny, but the movie theater was especially exciting. You’ve never been in an abandoned theater before, so you were dying to see it and made a beeline for it.

It was damn near on the opposite side of the building, but that just gave you a chance to see what other places you could check out later. While many people find places like this unsettling at best, you found an odd sense of comfort in it. Part of it was the silence. Provided no one else rocked up, the noisiest thing you would hear would be some birds flying through.

There was also the nostalgia of being in a mall and seeing the familiar, albeit vacated, stores you remember from your childhood. Malls simply aren’t what they used to be, and it’s nice to reminisce on what once was. Sure, it’s not like you could afford to shop at one, but just being able to walk around and window shop was enjoyable. At least you could still do the walking around part even when they’re closed.

As you make your way down the second story walkway, you take note of all the signs of life around you. Lots of spiders have set up shop with massive webs in every corner to make meals of the local insect population. Nests were crammed into the spaces in between letters on the remaining signs, and although you haven’t seen any, there are enough droppings here to indicate the presence of a thriving rodent society. That means there’s probably some stray cats lurking around here, too. You hope you get to see one. There’s a laser pointer on your keyring and some treats in your pockets just for such occasions.

You look up and are thrilled to finally be at the theater. There are blank rectangles on the wall from where movie posters used to be. The sign that used to display movies and showtimes now simply says closed. Well, technically it says ‘CL S D’, but you got the drift.

The lobby is surprisingly intact. The ticket and snack counters are both still here, even the glass around the ticket counter was unbroken. Some of the old snack machines still remained, which surprised you. It was faint, but you think you could still pick up on the smell of popcorn. It could also just be a placebo effect but shh.

You hop over the snack counter to see what’s back there. The first thing you notice is how sticky the floor is, your boots sticking with each step. The remaining machines are in rough shape, but that’s to be expected. The nozzle on one of the slushie machines was snapped clean off, and the doors on the popcorn machine were just gone. You meticulously opened all the drawers and cabinets, hoping to find something interesting. You didn’t. Just some garbage and rat shit.

Moving on, you head towards the really exciting part. The showing rooms. You can’t help but pick up the pace as you run into one, only to feel a touch disappointed. It was completely gutted. The screen, the chairs, nothing was left. Who the hell even wanted a bunch of old ass movie theater seats? Where did they go?

There was a problem though, the area near where the screen would be was completely flooded. You shine your light up to the ceiling and are baffled that there’s no hole for this much water to leak through. Where the hell did it all come from? It also smelled weirdly fishy? The fish smell was so potent that it almost distracted you from all the mold on the fabric covered walls. Yikes. “N95 mask don’t fail me now,” you mumbled under your breath.

Whatever. Spinning on your heels, you head for the stairs to go to the top of the room. They’re creaky and the carpet is coming off of them in bits and pieces.

There really wasn’t much of a reason to come up here beyond it just felt like the right thing to do. You decide to peek through the window to the projection room. Surprisingly, it’s very cluttered in there, it almost looks like a storage room. Oh, you’re definitely going to have to go in there!

… But how?

Now that you’re thinking about it, how do you even get inside one of these? It must be behind some sort of staff only door. You hope it’s not locked, there was a lot of stuff in there.

You rush down the stairs, ecstatic at what a good find this was. Once you’re in the hallway, you whip your head around to locate any possible entrance, and you find it. A plain, unmarked door between two of the theater rooms. Bingo. You twist the knob, but it doesn’t budge.

Not bingo.

It’s unlikely that the keys for this door are still here… but you can’t just let this go. After testing the fortitude of the door with a few kicks and yanks, you resolve to look for the key despite the low odds of actually finding it.

The most likely place it would be would be a main office or something. You head back to the lobby, that’s probably where the door to one would be. The beam of your flashlight flits over the surrounding walls in search of a side door.

Some fallen ceiling tiles and wires almost hid it from you, but there it was. You pick up what looks like a snapped off broom handle and use it to push the debris out of the way and keep the wires off you while you try the door, praying that this won’t also be locked.

It doesn’t turn. Dammit! Out of sheer frustration, you give it a violent shake. It snaps clean off, the knob from the other side loudly clattering to the ground. Looks like your luck is coming back around.

The door still takes a bit of rattling to shake loose the remaining bits of the old locking mechanism, but it finally creaked open. Wasting no time, you hurried in, observing the new area. While it was dirty, it was untouched by graffiti and general vandalism. It’s a simple long hallway with two doors. You get to the first and open it up, greeted by the sight of an old bathroom.

The mirror above the sink doubles as a medicine cabinet, so you decide to check it out. When you pull it open, the whole door comes right off. Oops. The cabinet in question didn’t have anything interesting in it, only being occupied by a bottle of tums, some nail clippers, and a box of dental floss. Thrilling stuff.

You move on and head for the other door. Surely that has to be the office. The door clicks open again, thank god. You grin to yourself, it is the office. The desk is right in front of you and in good shape, not appearing to have been tampered with this past year. Excellent.

It’s surprisingly clean in here. There is some dust, but not nearly as much as you would have expected. The desk itself is old and made of wood. It honestly looks way too nice to have been left here. The chair is, weirdly enough, not present. What, that was worthy of being taken but not the desk? Whatever. It’s not important.

You’re quick to start rifling through the drawers. Paperwork, pack of gum, more paperwork, some pens, a few paperclips, even more paperwork… it’s not looking good. Your heart is sinking with each passing second. You squat and look under the desk as a last ditch effort. Your light reflects off something. Keys!

There’s a strip of tape attached to them, like someone had taped them to the underside of the desk rather than using one of the drawers. An odd decision, but who cares? These might be the keys you need!

Not wanting to waste any more time, you run back to the possible projector room door. The key ring has several keys on it, so there’s a bit of trial and error to go through in your attempts to unlock it. Your heart rate steadily picks up as you go through each key with no success. It’s not until the second to last key that you finally hear that much anticipated ‘click’.

The door is surprisingly heavy, you really have to pull to get it open enough to slip through. It loudly slams shut behind you and you’re met with the sight of two staircases. The room you saw through the window should be on the right.

The stairs are carpeted but not as worn as the ones in the theater, making them less of a tripping hazard. Dust is being kicked up with each step, you can see clouds of it flying through the air and clinging to cobwebs.

Now you’re at the top and there’s another door. This one wasn’t locked. The room itself honestly resembles a boiler room to you. Pipes and cables were running along the walls, and the walls weren’t painted. There was a table in front of the window where the projector would have been.

That’s not what made you want to see this room though. Shelves were along every wall and they were loaded. You’re gonna need both hands for this. Luckily, you have a lantern type of flashlight in your backpack just for situations like this. You fish it out, click it on, and set it on the projector table before turning back to the shelves.

There were lots of boxes, so you grab the nearest one and bring it over to the table to go through it. It’s full of what you think are spare parts for a projector, though you don’t know enough about this stuff to be sure.

The next box has some old broken lenses. Then one with tools. You even found some film, but it seemed blank. You held it up to the light and saw absolutely nothing. You suppose it makes sense for all these things to be in here, but you can’t help but wish there was something more exciting.

You pull down another box, this one from the top shelf and open it expecting to see glass cleaner or something like that, but instead you find another, smaller box. You pull it out, and it looks like a jewelry box. There’s an image on the top of it: a skull and crossbones that’s biting what looks like a wand. Interesting. It kinda looks like something you would see on a pirate flag. What were those called again? Jolly Rogers? Yeah, that sounds right.

You give it a little shake and hear something clatter inside it. Trying to open it, however, is fruitless. It’s locked. All the keys you got earlier are way too big to fit the hole, but you think it should be easy enough to break open yourself at home.

A genuine smile spreads across your face, you found something cool this time! The jewelry box goes into your backpack, and you’re about to resume your search when you hear something. It sounds like voices in the hall.

Quickly, but quietly, you snatch your lantern to turn it off and creep down the stairs and towards the door to try and listen better. There are two sets of footsteps but only one voice.

“-nd today WE are doing an overnight challenge in a haunted abandoned mall!”

You cringe. Oh great. Youtubers. Liars too based off that comment about the mall being haunted. In all the research you did on this place, you never saw so much as one ghost sighting.

Huffing out a sigh, you know that your fun is going to be cut short. There’s no telling whether or not these idiots parked right by the front door. You need to get out before cops show up. That, and you don’t want to accidentally end up in one of their videos. You can practically see the title now: “REAL ghost sighting at ABANDONED mall??? SCARY!!! (NOT CLICKBAIT)”

No thank you.

Lucky for you, you’ve already got a nice find, so at least you’re not leaving empty handed. You wait until they go into one of the theaters to leave the room, carefully easing the door open and closed. After a moment of thought, you lock it, too. You want this to be untouched when you come back. Naturally, this means you’re taking the keys with you. They can’t be that important to anyone if they got left behind like this.

Your escape from the mall and trip back home was uneventful for the most part. You were able to leave unnoticed and before cops got there. The youtubers did, indeed, park at the front door, so it was only a matter of time.

The apartment complex you lived in was kinda run down, but overall not that bad. Sure, it was dingy and the bathroom had a mold problem, but it kept you warm and dry so things could be worse.

After entering your apartment, you immediately lock your door behind you. No sense leaving it unlocked and letting some creep in. With that taken care of, you drop your backpack by the couch and go to grab some tools.

You unceremoniously plop yourself onto the couch and toss a screwdriver and hammer onto the coffee table. You bring out the old jewelry box and really look at it now that you’re in a properly lit room. The dust was really caked on, prompting you to use your sleeve to wipe away the bulk of it.

The picture was very detailed. The skull and crossbones were painted beautifully, even the small wand looked lovely. The box was wooden, expertly varnished. You already feel bad that you’re going to have to break this open. Hopefully you’ll be able to keep the damage to a minimum, that way you can use it for yourself after this.

Experimentally, you try to pull it open again. It does have some give to it, but not enough to actually get it open. You grab the screwdriver and wedge it into the sliver of space between the lid and the box. You try and pry it open. It creaks a little, opens up slightly more, but stops short. Okay, time for the big guns.

Using your feet to hold either side of it in place, you grab the hammer, aim, and bring it down on the screwdriver handle. You hear a crack, but it’s still closed. You raise your arm and bring it down again, harder this time.

CRACK

Both the plastic screwdriver handle and the lock shatter from the force of the blow. You discard the hammer onto the floor next to the bits of handle and throw open the box.

There’s only two things in there. A rolled up piece of paper, and a necklace. The pendant on the necklace sports the same image as the top of the jewelry box over a bronze lattice patterned circle. You gingerly pick it up. It’s thin and feels brittle, like you could snap it in half without much force. What’s the point of a necklace being this fragile?

You set it back down gently and pick up the paper. It’s almost as bad as the necklace, it looks very old and is crumbling around the edges. Slowly, you unfurl it and see there’s a message scrawled onto it with red ink.

“Congratulations on your lucky find

I wonder what desire you have in mind

Close your eyes, make a wish, and break the pendant in two

Whatever you want most will come to you”

An eyebrow quirks up and the strange rhyme. What, was this left by a genie? You sigh, and here you thought you might get something valuable out of this.

Still… What would it hurt to play along for a second?

You grab the pendant again and examine it while you mull over what to wish for. Money? Nah. Money can be earned, however difficult it may be. If you’re gonna be using some sort of (allegedly) all powerful magic necklace, it should be something more unobtainable. What do you really want?

If you’re completely honest with yourself, you hate where you are in life right now. The monotony, the loneliness, everything. You need a new start. A new start with some new friends. Friends that actually give a shit about you. Anyone that loves you for you. Yeah, that sounds good.

Leaning back, you close your eyes and make your wish. You’re not sure you need to say it out loud, but do anyway, “I wish to have a fresh start somewhere new. A place with adventure where I can be loved.”

The pendant snaps in half easily. You hold your breath and wait. Nothing. You crack an eye open. You’re still in your same old apartment. Of course you are. Why did you think that would work? How childish.

Even though you expected this, you can’t help the wave of bitterness that washes over you. Angrily, you stuff the broken pendant into your pocket and grab your backpack. You stand up to go put this shit away, but…

You fall through the floor.

The floor didn’t break, it’s like it just ceased to exist. As you fall, everything goes black, and there isn’t a sound to be heard besides your own screaming. What’s happening? What’s going on? Shit, was that stupid thing really magical??? Was it fucking cursed???

Trying not to panic wasn’t even being considered, how could anyone not freak out from this? So here you are, screaming and crying while holding onto your backpack for dear life as if it’s going to help you right now.

Suddenly, you can see light coming from underneath you. You’re torn between being relieved to see light and being terrified that you’re about to splatter onto the ground. A wave of warmth hits you, carrying the smell of sea water. You realize that the ‘ground’ beneath you is actually a huge body of water.

And then you’re in it.

There wasn’t enough time to prepare for the sudden immersion. Water flooded into your open mouth and you scrambled and flailed in an attempt to get to the surface. As you break the surface, you’re coughing and hacking the salty water out of your lungs. You weren’t anywhere near the ocean, how are you suddenly fighting for your life in one?

You whip your head around and are horrified to see absolutely nothing, No land or ships in sight. Oh my god. You’re going to die out here.

“HEEYYY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

You attempt to spin around to identify your potential savior, but a wave hits you, knocking you under the water again. Dammit, no! Not like this!

Miraculously, you get back to the surface again, and the second you do, something grabs onto your shoulder and pulls. And pulls. And keeps pulling. You went from almost drowning to feeling like you’re flying over the surface of the ocean. In an attempt to feel some semblance of security, you grab onto whatever is holding you.

It… it feels like a hand??? No, that doesn’t make sense, who could be pulling you along like this with their hand???

“Luffy, you need to slow down! You’re pulling her in too fast!”

You try to look over your shoulder to see what the hell is going on, and through your hair you think you can make out what looks like two people on a small boat. The boat is already very close and rapidly getting closer. Way too close!

THWACK

And everything goes dark again.

#one piece #yandere one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #one piece x y/n #one piece reader insert #yandere #platonic yandere #monkey d luffy #zoro roronoa #this prologue got so out of hand it was only supposed to be like 1k words i don't know what happened #lucky break

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saintobio · 5 months ago

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OK OK OK OMG I FINALLY CAUGHT YOUR ASKBOX OPEN YAYYYY!! But also...

Ummm.... Yeah no maybe it's my fault for opening my mouth xdxdsdgadvd (also for some reason it wouldn't let me take a screenshot so enjoy these shitty pics I had to take from my phone 🤡)

It's a side tangent but since you came back with sn, one of the most fun things have been to theorize and see other people's theories hehe. I honestly read sy so long ago and it had such an impact on me, so seeing you and honestly everyone back here; talking about series and excited about updates makes me feel so giddy and at home. It's been a while since I've had so much fun in a fandom XD

Ok now back to the ANGST, I want you to know this was my reaction the whole time,

I was honestly scared of even reading the chapter but my GOSHHHH.

It was honestly so refreshing to see Satoru finally acknowledge what y/n means to him and no matter how much he tries she might still be the most important thing to him in the end. Honestly it was a cathartic moment they both needed at the lake but still 😭 my heart is hurting so much for them. To finally stand face to face and acknowledge the hurt, to hold each other 😭😭 They both really needed that. I might just be looking too much into it, but when Gojo threw his ring in the ocean y/n was able to get it back (even if geto was the one who found it) but when y/n threw the last part of Gojo; the necklace into the lake, he went after it but didn't get it back... it sounds like symbolism for something that I am not ready for

They are both hurt, they are both suffering without each other; but they also suffer when they are with each other. TvT

Also, I understand Akemi's reaction but bitch 😭😭 Don't you realise this is exactly what y/n felt when you slept with Satoru. Her avoiding y/n to not make her angry or trouble her, I understand; but it just seems to me that she's making excuses to lessen her guilt and run away so she doesn't have to see what she did to her best friend. LIKE SHE'S SO FRICKING EAGER to play house with Satoru and when Sachi called her mama she was overjoyed. It's just so... sus. I might understand her but I lost all respect for her when she decided to betray her bff. I would never understand women who choose a man over someone who's been there for them through everything. I just think she's taking the whole "I can fix him" 🤡 thing too seriously but idk at this point.

And Satoru how THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP FUMBLING THE WOMEN YOU LOVE SO BAD. If you are gonna be an asshole atleast do it right!? I so badly wanna believe he only ran after Akemi to check on her and explain everything but... I just don't have enough faith in him now :<

I feel SO BAD for y/n. Girlll 😭, I don't even know what to say but I can only give her this message-

(My asks always get so long so quick, sorry oof. But SIDE SIDE TANGET- I ABSOLUTELY LOVED RIDE OR DIE. I ATE IT UP FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER OH GODDDD. I was a certified Sukuna!hater but you have changed my ways... you have brainwashed me into falling head over heels for that gremlin xd the brainrot rn is so bad- like MOVE ASIDE GOJO)

thanks so much for sending this ask. yayy you finally made it to the askbox on time !! :’D and this was such a fun read for me. ty for sharing <3 it’s always nice to see such long asks abt sn/sy bc the theories and analyses are all so great, like how do u guys come up with those? they’re so detailed too!! 🥹

i agree i think what makes sy11 impactful is bcos it took so long for gojoyn to be honest with each other, only for it to crumble down the next day bcos of their trauma, external relationships, and distrust with each other 💔 like so close yet so far

and ooh interesting analysis on akemi! i like how you juxtaposed her reaction to gojoyn versus yn’s reaction to catching gojokemi. there’s definitely a big difference there :> but i won’t say anything more to avoid spoilers hehe

lastly, rod! omg thanks for reading, i thoroughly enjoyed writing it i was giddy the whole time !!! but same bb same that gremlin has me on a chokehold too 😆

#🖤: letters to saint #series: sincerely yours #oneshot: ride or die #funny thing is one of my fav biker boys keep reposting sukuna edits on tiktok and oh myy #my reaction when i saw that was 🤯🤯

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felkithecreator · 9 months ago

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Do you have revalink fic recs?

Oh do I ever. (Please don't take the numbers that I use too seriously, they're not to really judge the quality of work or anything it's just level of enjoyment for me and my particular tastes)

My favorite Revalink fic of all time is Pinesong by aperplexingpuzzle!! Honestly it's just an absolutely amazing work, and personally I think it's one of the greatest post-calamity Revalink stories written. Link and Revali bond on Vah Medoh after Revali's been freed and exists as a spirit, and while Link struggles through the rest of his adventure. Absolutely recommend, 10/10.

Finding Link by Umbreonix is another one I'd absolutely recommend. It's so silly and just - the characterization of Link and Revali is so fun. Link goes missing after the defeat of Calamity Ganon, and it's up to Revali to find him and potentially bring him back. Honestly Umbreonix's other Revalink work Beating about the bush is also phenomenal - that one's unfinished, but it's also great if you want to read something silly. It's a modernized/human version of Hyrule, which is super interesting as well. All That Glitters is hilarious as well. Recommend them all around 8.5/10.

Linger On by ICanFlyHigher is one I genuinely loved as well. It's been a while since I've read it, but I do know that the vivid descriptions of combat and fighting, and just - the immersion of it is so impressive. So I'd really really recommend this one. It's basically just Botw, but you're really put in Link shoes + that extra touch of Revalink. Again, haven't read it in a while, but 9/10 recommendation from what I remember.

I Lost Myself by self_indulgent_authorship is amazing as well. I love reading from Revali's perspective, and just - the take on Link and Revali getting to know each other after Link's lost his memory is so interesting and refreshing. I wouldn't recommend it if you don't like a bit of Zelda-bashing, but I think this fic handles it well and it didn't feel as if it were over the top or anything. 9/10 recommendation.

Snow filled days by SharkPinata is a great one if you're just down for a fun time!! The author kind of took a concept/idea and ran with it, and the plot grew later - and it shows, a bit, but honestly that's part of the fun with this fic. A great thing about it is you can also see the author's writing style improve over time as they write (I desperately hope that the same can be said about my fics too), so it's fun in that aspect of well. The concept is that Link isn't a knight, and just lives in Selkie's Spot in Hebra - where Revali regularly comes to visit him because they're each other's only friends. 7.5/10 recommendation.

Shades of Blue also by self_indulgent_authorship is just fucking amazing. It's the normal botw journey, but you get so much more intricate lore and flashbacks than the OG game - one where Link and Revali knew each other before they became champions - and it's so so so so good. I genuinely think it's one of the greatest Breath of the Wild fics out there, regardless of Revalink. 10/10 recommendation.

Come Morning Light by misscoconi is great as well!! I haven't read it in a long while but I do know it's one of my favorites. It's very sweet - and it's where Link and Revali begin a shared sleeping arrangement. (Meet Me Halfway is the sequel, also very good.) 10/10 recommendation.

The Longest Night by tirsynni is amazing. It's a relatively short fic, and it's unfinished, but it's still just - great. Trigger warning for some things, I'd definitely recommend reading the tags first, but like, I love. It's an interesting exploration of Link's psyche, and Revali's response to it. Honestly, anything by tirsynni tends to be amazing. 8/10 recommendation.

The Effect of the Illusion of Truth by GeryutheTzakandi!!! This is genuinely one of my favorite fics ever - it's so silly and funny and just an all-around good time. Small warning in that it's unfinished and hasn't updated since 2022, but like - I'd still give it a read because what is there is a fun time. It's a fic where Revali and Link decided to get married so that Link and Zelda don't have to. (And no, the two of them were not previously dating.) 10/10 recommendation.

(Another good one by GeryutheTzakandi is Deftly avoiding saying exactly what you mean - this one's hilarious, and Revali is surprisingly self-aware.)

Inertia by sincosma is a great exploration of how Link's amnesia affects the relationship between him and Revali - and what promises they made pre-Calamity. The memories are so interesting yet heart-breaking to read - but the happy ending makes it very much worth it. 9/10 recommendation.

A Seed of Song by Ginneke is adorable. I'm always a sucker for child fics/baby acquisition fics, especially if they're done well, and, well - this one is definitely done well. It's very cute - it's unfinished, but I still think it's worthwhile to read what's been written so far. The drama of Link not wanting to marry Princess Zelda is also very interesting. 7.5/10 recommendation.

Under the Stars by peterpiez is one of my favorites!! Honestly because it's one of the very few Revalink Linked Universe fics to exist. There's very little active Revalink, given most of it is just Link mourning and being retrospective in response to the lives and loves of the other Links, but I still really enjoyed. This is also unfinished, and I don't see the author ever updating it, but I still would recommend giving it a go.

The Last Song on the Wind by Inked_Jael is another incredible fic. There's so much worldbuilding, and insight to Link's thoughts, I just love this one so much. It's super interesting because it explores the politics and the different cultures of Hyrule. I know second-person style can sometimes throw people off, but I think it works really really well given the story - and also if you keep in mind that it's about Link, just... please read this. Their work needs more love. 10/10 recommendation.

a moment's respite by cottonmouthcandy is another one of my favorites. It's a bit of a sad read, because it's pre-calamity and you know what's coming for the champions in the future, but it's a story where you get to just enjoy with them their little vacation at the beach. It's just sweet, and nice. It's been a while since I've read it, though, so those are more just the vibes that I remember rather than the content of the story itself. 9/10 recommendation.

the wind through the flowers by HopeStoryteller is also just a silly, fun time. The boys go Modulga hunting. 7.5/10 recommendation.

I have more, and I would continue, but I kind of have a class in six hours and I need to sleep before then, so uh... yeah. I hope this satisfies you question!! But honestly please spread the love to these authors their works are just absolutely amazing.

#revalink #botw #legend of zelda #ask response #fanfiction #loz #fic rec #sorry it took so long to respond

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ishipallthings · 4 months ago

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Cap Iron Man Rec Week 2024 (Fri)

Family Fluff Friday - July 26th for @cap-ironman Rec Week

Family fluff - both canon and AU fics, all the fluff!

Remember to show some love for your hard-working creators!

Deep in the Heart of Me by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar) (AU)

There were days when the realization that he was someone’s father made Steve’s head hurt, but mostly he was grateful that he could trust his instincts, because apparently Peter was what had been missing from his life. Yes, he still had lingering, unresolved issues from his time in the Army, and sure, he had what Bucky annoyingly referred to as a criminally untapped ass, and no life outside of work and Peter, but Steve was okay with how his life had turned out because of trusting his instincts. Unfortunately, those same instincts had straight up betrayed him by going absolutely haywire upon being exposed to Tony Stark.

ten years too late (just in time) by Anonymous (AU)

Steve never went out with Tony when they were young despite Tony’s attempts at wooing him, mostly because he thought Tony was too much of a flimsy playboy who could never really commit seriously to anything that wasn’t partying. Years later he runs into Single Father Tony taking care of his 3 year old. Tony refuses to buy his kid candy before dinner and is overall a pretty decent dad. Tony also thinks Steve could never be interested in him, since he was always rebuffed before, but Tony’s in for a surprise.

Tony, Please by FestiveFerret @festiveferret (AU)

Steve is doing just fine nursing a painful crush on his most captivating client. That is, until his babysitter has an emergency and drops Steve's six-year-old daughter off at his work. Somehow, everything goes off the rails.

Send Me A Hero by suitofhumour @suitofhumour (AU)

Tony needed a bodyguard for his kids and Steve Rogers was the most recommended pick available. Even as Tony tries to be wary of him, the guy manages to worm his way into Tony's life and soon his heart. But Steve has a secret that might be something that even Tony with his Iron Man suit cannot handle easily.

The one where… Tony meets Mr. Rogers by shieldmaidenofrohan (AU)

“Are you ready?”

In the midst of a heavy rain by BladeoftheNebula @bladeofthenebula27 (AU)

“Do you know where Mr Rogers is?” Peter hummed. “He took his refreshment with him. He said he was going for a walk and would return for our next lesson.”

the porcupine and the armadillo by meidui @meidui (MCU, post-EG, series link)

‘I would not hurt them,’ the Porcupine thought to himself. ‘They did not give me a chance to show them that my belly is soft and has no quills. They also did not care that my quills are not there to hurt them. They are there to protect me and I would not survive without them.’

Treading Desire Lines by fohatic @fohatic (MCU, post-EG)

Tony knows that his daughter can be difficult, but he really needs someone to do him a solid when an important opportunity arises. Unfortunately, word is already out: Morgan Stark is a real handful. Never one to shrink from a challenge, Steve steps in, hoping to shift the strained dynamic between him and Tony and having no idea how the course of his life is about to change.

you’ve got to close your eyes and see by Thahire @thahiree (MCU, post-EG)

Morgan manages to bring Tony back eleven years after Thanos’ defeat, long after everyone’s learned to live without him. Everyone’s overjoyed once they get over their shock, but Tony finds it hard to adjust, now that Pepper’s moved on and Morgan’s not a little kid anymore. Somehow, the one constant is Steve.

Hope you guys enjoy the recs, and stay tuned! Please mind the tags before reading. Check out my tag for previous years’ rec lists, and here is an older rec list I made for stevetony single parent AUs :)

#stevetony #stony #superhusbands #steve x tony #capimrecweek #my rec lists #fic recs

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 3 months ago

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s4 episode 1 thoughts

ah, the first ep of a new season. it has such a fresh feeling to it each time! and according to that poll i reblogged, s4 is a fan-favorite (along with s3). well, i really liked s3, so i hope i’m in for more of that!

overall, this was a wild episode. things just! kept! happening! so fast! in fact, i think it will take me a while to gather my thoughts on the stuff that was happening, because it was occurring so rapidly! but luckily, i am familiar enough with the monster of the week format by now to know that i have some time to process all these events, because most episodes will be entirely unrelated to the plot action that went down today. so good episode, but separated scully and mulder + so much plot so fast = not a GOAT ep for me. and with this being said, back to my liveblogging!

it feels that it has been so long!!! maybe even a full WEEK! or more!! since i watched the last episode! i recall, however, not being very impressed due to lack of scully. so let’s see if this episode can change my opinion.

so, reading the description, it seems this alien fellow is referred to as “Bounty Hunter”. i’ve been calling him "alien hit man" for 2 seasons now, so this will be an adjustment. the seriousness with which i take using his proper name is yet to be determined. and we get some alleged samantha lore here?!?! will it actually be true?!? i assume everything about samantha will be a lie forever

i want to know how jeremiah smith gets out of this sticky situation, so let us continue together and see what happens to our agents.

“last season on the x files…” yes yes, this was probably a vital refresher for those who had to wait a year in between seasons. and also for me who had to wait a week, which as i am sure you can imagine was JUST as excruciating!

in my absence, i seem to have forgotten how terribly beautiful this mulder fellow is. rest assured that i am now remembering as we get a little recap.

but oh! we do not begin in the fight scene where we ended last time. we begin in… a van? of a fellow who is fixing a power line? is this some more TV mind control stuff…..? (no, thankfully, it was not)

there is a bug by his ear and he slaps it. and then we see the bee on the ground struggling while a bunch of kids gather around. they all look the same and seem to be multiplying. which is very weird but i feel bad for the bee.

5 creepy blond identical children watch this man DIE after being stung??? he’s writhing up on the cable pole and then he FALLS and all the kids surround him like jackals... omg… very much gives the impression they are gonna eat him. but they just walk away after staring at this body for a bit which is maybe even creepier. hard to say.

what do the children know…….?

(intro time) (<3)

HEY WHAT THE HELL? i interrupt making a heart emoji by hand to inform you that the words on the screen do NOT read “the truth is out there”, but today they say “everything dies”. this is NOT a good sign for mrs. mulder or jeremy smith omg…

i know our agents aren’t kicking the bucket yet though because we have a few more seasons!!!

okay, NOW back to mulder and scully and jeremy and the bounty hunter. mulder tells scully to not get in the bounty hunter's way, and she immediately does and gets knocked over, which is a little comical- but you can’t blame a girl for trying!!!

mulder is now chasing jeremy and in turn being chased by the bounty hunter through some weird warehouse-y building, with scully not too far behind. the screen is very dark and it is hard to see things. mulder comes face-to-face with the bounty hunter but they just look at each other and then run after their real target, which is probably a good thing, because we have seen the bounty hunter kick mulder’s ass before, and i’m not really feeling a rematch at this point in time.

no, jeremy! the bounty hunter approaches, and to escape him, he jumps off of the roof. mulder is taking jeremy down to the car where scully shall be the getaway driver. i'm in the getaway car, i left you in the hotel bar, etc.

until the bounty hunter DROPS on their window like a spider!!!!! so she honks the horn for a very long time, which was deserved.

okay, so back into the maze of the building. mulder and jeremy are running on foot. mulder hides in some bushes!!! then LEAPS out and STABS THE BOUNTY HUNTER in the base of his neck!! omg!! the one spot where these beings can be killed!!! i knew sneaky mulder was gonna set some sort of trap, i just didn’t think he would have such good luck with his aim!

yes, he did it!!! the poison goop is coming from the base of the bounty hunter’s neck. but jeremiah is motoring away on a little boat, saying more killers will be after him. mulder yells after him that he needs help; his mother is dying. and i think it is fair to save a life after mulder saved his, so maybe, just maybe, they can buzz to the hospital reallllly quick before they let him go… back to space, or whatever.

scully has found the dead bounty hunter, and is looking for mulder, who has gotten on the boat with jeremy and sailed away, i guess. rude as hell to leave her stranded there!!

she keeps going back to the body and i’m yelling NO GIRL, THE BLOOD GAS but NO! that is not even the biggest problem, for the bounty hunter is ALIVE! he grabs her throat and chokes her, which had to absolutely SUCK to film.

he keeps asking where they’re going while he’s choking her, and that seems to be a bad way to get answers. she says she doesn’t know, but in my head i’m yelling, just say they’re going to the mall!! lie!! lie!!! they’re going to the mall. a dude in the food court claims to be an alien expert who knows information on samantha’s whereabouts. they want to see the guy at quizno’s knew about jeremy’s existence. send him on a side quest!!! but she just says she doesn’t know, which is fine, too.

anyway, back to mulder and jeremy disembarking from the boat. jeremy says that the government men will be waiting for them at the hospital in mrs. mulder’s room, but mulder tries to counter by saying that if the government men do anything there, they will be exposed. well! i think this is faulty reasoning because they might just kill all of you, but i see that he wants this to be true for the sake of his mother.

jeremy explains that they are working on colonization, and if they kill him, he sure can’t help his mother, which makes sense to me even if it is deeply unfortunate. or, he says... mulder can stop it! mulder, stopping colonization?! that is a large task for one guy...

OH! jeremy claims that he can take mulder to a place where there is a “work in progress” and SEE HIS SISTER??? how do we know that isn’t another TRICK!!!! i always suspect deception when it comes to his sister, because they know that claiming to have information on her can get him to do anything they please.

cutscene to the hospital, where CANCER MAN is holding mrs. scully’s hand (LET GO, FREAK!) and some lackey says that “he isn’t coming”

GASP! this lackey pulls out the pictures of cancer man at mrs. mulder’s house and suggests… a SECURITY LEAK! he proposes planting information to see where it flows… information that mrs. mulder’s life is in “unnatural danger”… oh no… will X see through the trickery?

back to scully cam. her phone is ringing. mulder wants to know where she is: “i’m right where you left me, mulder” OHHH! get him again for me. and when he asks why she is still there, she says it’s because he wouldn’t answer his phone and she didn’t know what to do :( which is so sad

but what about the bounty hunter……

NO!!!! he’s right behind her in the car, holding the needle up to her neck through the phone!! she’s trying to get him to stfu, but he keeps yapping about stealing a car in alberta, and revealing all his plans to the bounty hunter!!!!

so he just lets her go after hearing where mulder is, which is lowkey crazy, but she tells him that the bounty hunter is coming after him. and that he is in fact NOT dead. so now what do mulder and jeremy do about these plans they have made and just revealed to their enemy????

anyway, mulder and jeremy are in the hills of alberta where we earlier saw the dude who got stung by a bee drop dead. and mulder's face is all beat up and it’s kinda endearing... like aww, let me put a bandage on you.

scully is going to skinner’s office, who has summoned her. she lies that her and mulder are okay, and it’s a pretty visible lie in terms of body language, so i imagine skinner catches onto that. but he’s like, why tf are there 5 dudes at the social security administration all called jeremy smith and with the same face? and what do you know about them?

well she’s honest in this regard at least, and says idk. but the nerd down at the labs can see that each of the 5 jeremys had very weird data on their computers.

“enough to fill seven ten-gigabyte hard drives” hold on. okay so that is, in modern terms, not a whole lot of stuff. like a 68 GB flash drive at target rn is $6, and it's even a nice blue color. so i’m wondering how much stuff you can stick on there but honestly i do need to get back to the plot at hand and stop looking up the differences between flash and hard drives. he says it’s “a billion entries” which is a lot!

scully thinks it might be a code!!! and she thinks she might be able to crack it!!!! wahoooo!!! code time! code time!! i love when she is in her sleuthing era!! and the lab nerd (revealed to be named "agent pendrell") says "seriously?" when she says she thinks she can crack it, but i wouldn't have said that, because i trust in her skills.

she says there is someone she wants to run it by… is it the lone gunmen? the navajo representative? her dad’s old friend? who could it be?

back to mulder and jeremy running through the hills of canada, arguably even frolicking. where they come across the dead guy!!! he is bubbling and covered in bugs…… so the death was yesterday. and jeremy knows what killed him!!! he’s being VERY WEIRD!!!

gag… the body looks soooooo nasty... but as always, to cope with this, i give a shoutout to the props department. but i WILL gag.

so they’re at their destination, which is… a “flowering shrub”? being grown for pollen? and worked by a bunch of kids like the creepy ones from before. what the hell do aliens want with some pollen...

MULDER THINKS ONE OF THE KIDS IS HIS SISTER??? but she’s still a child!!!!! how could this be?

i’m suspecting trickery here. either way, he goes right in after her, calling her name. NOOOOO- he gets on his knees, grabs her arms, and says “it’s me, fox, your brother” and she has no readable expression whatsoever NOOOOO omg WHAT SORT OF TORTURES HAVE THEY CONCOCTED TO PUT THIS MAN THROUGH???

(i’m operating under the assumption that it is Not Actually Her)

she just looks at him…. and jeremy says “she has no language”, and is a drone…. he says he has more to show him so that he might understand. YOU MADE A CHILD A DRONE? and you're supposed to be THE GOOD ONE, JEREMY?

(if this actually is samantha and they hurt her like that i’m going to choke slam this jeremy fellow into the core of the earth)

mulder naturally wants to know what tf is going on, and jeremy says the drones are stationed here as part of an agrarian workforce, where they take care of themselves, and “parenting is unnecessary”. oh i just KNOW that at this point if i were mulder and someone told me parenting his long lost sister "wasn't necessary”, i would have started throwing hands. what an insult to injury, taking her away and saying that she doesn't even deserve someone to look after her, when all he has wanted for so long was to do just that...

and a bunch of other kids come out ALL WITH HER FACE and the boys have the fact of that CREEPY BLOND KID FROM BEFORE!!! CLONING??? did they CLONE HER???? yes they did. so they’re clones but... where is the OG samantha??????

this is soooooo fucked up like WHERE is his REAL and ACTUAL sister and what can we do to free these identical children!!!!!

scully is going to mulder’s place to put an x tape on the window. oh no! but what if X HAS really been fed lies??? (she also bites the tape again which i still think is funny)

i am observing mulder’s apartment as she tries to crack the code whilst waiting for his arrival. sadly, i cannot work out the names of the books on his shelves.

someone knocks and she grabs her gun… but it is, in fact, X, our man of the hour. AND OH NO!!! he does say he has information concerning mulder’s mother!!! NOOOOOOO, i was hoping he would be more discerning than this and not fall for such a trap!!

scully doesn’t seem to be buying it… X refuses to talk to her, and says to get in contact with mulder, but she is insisting he gives her information on the code.

he knows what the various entries are… they’re about the smallpox eradication program. but X is telling her not to open doors she isn’t ready for. so what does THAT mean???? he leaves by saying “protect the mother” ummmm okay...

WAIT! if she goes there then they’ll think SHE is the spy, right??? or no… because they know she wouldn’t have access to information at that level, so someone would have to give it to her. lie and say krychek gave it to her. idk just lie!!!

back to this weird little town. mulder is trying to take the little girl with them, which pisses jeremy off (STOP… HE WANTED TO TAKE HER WITH THEM I’ll SOB 😭)

he’s all “she’s not your sister” and “you have a chance to understand something so much greater” but he won’t do any actual explaining. condescending fuck. and when explanation is requested, who rolls up but the bounty hunter!!!

now they’re sprinting off to a place… where the girl is taking them. a place filled with the bees who killed that guy earlier!! mulder learns that while jeremy and samantha clone have immunity to the killer bees, he does not.

so now he’s covered in killer bees and to protect himself he DOUSES HIS BODY IN GASOLINE and therefore cannot see a single thing and needs to be led along by this small child who looks like his sister but isn’t. they are in a building filled with evil evil evil looking bees and their evil honey... but they realize they have been trapped by the bounty hunter when they look up and see a hole in the sky.

the bounty hunter is entering into this cavernous honey town, and sees only the gasoline can and many bees, but no people. until they break a wall of honeycomb they were hiding behind down directly on top of him, and the bounty hunter is swarmed by them!!!! he seems to be busy being hurt by them. so i guess they will hurt him, but not kill him? noted. need to keep track of the alien species rules.

okay, so back to the lab nerd, agent pendrell, who frantically adjusts his tie as scully walks in with a break on the data. yeah don't think i missed that. that actor wanted to make his 5 minutes of screen time count. i see you!

“you say a twenty letter code to any scientist, and they immediately think ‘protein amino acid sequence code’, which is what this turned out to be” <- i love her so terribly i can’t even form a decent sentence to describe it. it's actually embarrassing but whatever.

and it’s a code for cowpox virus, which was used to vaccinate people against smallpox! so why were they keeping vaccine records… besides for the obvious reason of making sure that smallpox is defeated?

well, that doesn’t matter right now, because the big question is: what is with this second alpha numeric string? each with an infinite number of variations?

she says it’s an inventory… of us… and pulls off her jacket to reveal a bandage on her arm. which i’m sure had that nerd sweating.

(did she like get a shot in the time whilst mulder was MIA... i’m confused) (<- lmao sometimes i just do not understand wtf is going on and it is really funny reading these notes back)

she’s presenting her theory and an image created by “a confocal microscope” to some people in skinner’s office. and i’m not sure i’ve ever been more in love before, but whatever. she’s explaining it’s a protein’s location, a cowpox protein, number 6 to be exact, thank you!

OH! it came from her! she got a biopsy taken from her vaccination scar. which makes a lot more sense than getting your flu shot while doing important FBI work. although getting your flu shot IS important it’s just. you know. bigger fish to fry n all that.

she got this image “through a process called immunohisto chemical staining and through the addition of an antibody” <- unfortunately her saying all this is incredibly attractive to me

but there’s important business at hand. she thinks anybody who has been vaccinated over the past 50 years might have a marker in them!!

oh, low blow from the guy who said this sounds like something that would come from mulder….

but she performed the same procedure on agent pendrell i’m CRYING he is SOOOOOOO down bad for herrrrrr 😭😭😭😭

and his protein is different even though it should be the same as hers!! DEEPLY suspicious!

“so what you’re saying, agent scully, is we’re being catalogued, tagged, and inventoried?” well yes skinner, i do believe that is what she is saying!

by who and for what purpose? she doesn’t know. but jeremiah smith probably does!

skinner wants to talk to scully ALONE! he looks MAD and asks “do you realize what you are promoting” and she cuts him off with “i am a SCIENTIST, sir” OHHHHHH YES!!! shut him up!!!!!!!!!!! and isn’t that why she was assigned to the x files in the first place?!?!?! YES EXACTLY!!!!! TELL HIM!!!!!!!

pained skinner expression as her phone goes off. it’s mulder, and she needs to meet him. she says “just tell me where” (ohhh my god the way they’d do anything for each other…)

he explains that he and jeremiah smith and “someone else” need to be at mrs. mulder’s hospital room, where she has to wait and keep her safe.

she says a lot of people want to talk to jeremiah smith and will be there, but who comes barreling down the road to get mulder and the squad as she says this, but the damn bounty hunter!!!! omg!!! can this dude just die already!! damn!!!

the bounty hunter runs his van STRAIGHT into the car with jeremy and “samantha”!!! and when the bounty hunter picks mulder up by his throat, he begs for jeremy and his sister’s life, while bounty hunter says “he shows you pieces, but tells you nothing of the whole” which i do feel is deeply true. but jeremy being a “traitor to the project” isn’t really feeling as damning as having a crop of brainwashed clone children harvest killer honey to me personally.

so mulder says “kill me, and let them go”, and that he would TRADE HIS LIFE FOR HIS MOTHER’S!!!!!! the bounty hunter says that “everything dies” while jeremy tries to make an escape.

(omg is he really willing to sacrifice his life… or is he just saying anything to buy jeremy more time???)

bounty hunter TOSSES mulder into a truck, picks up the needle to go after him, while samantha clone starts screaming... NOOOO that poor girl😭

back at the hospital, scully, skinner, and the guys have been waiting for five hours, with nothing to show for it. it’s starting to compromise the treatment of patients, says a random nurse. but in walks mulder!!!

“oh my god, mulder!” scully says, running to him, while he mumbles “i can’t, there’s nothing”, and other nonsensical phrases, which begs the question: WHAT HAPPENED IN THOSE FIVE HOURS????

she’s feeling him, saying he’s freezing and in shock, and he can’t even stumble to the right hospital room door to find his mother without scully’s help. but he gets there and looks at his mother while scully wraps a blanket around him, and he mumbles that "she’ll never know".

and he’s CRYING, and he LEANS DOWN so scully can hold him while he sobs into her shoulder (height difference height difference oh my GOD its so painful and terribly tender)

WHAT WILL SHE NEVER KNOW?? WHAT DID HE SEE?????

just when i expect an emotional climax, we change scenes to mulder’s place, where footsteps are approaching. X lets himself into the apartment, but seems to realize that something is… afoot.

he goes for the elevator to escape, when a man FIRES TWO SHOTS INTO HIM!!! NOOOO X!!!

we had a rocky relationship but i never wanted it to end in this fashion……….

(is it inappropriate to wait until he’s dead to say that i’ve always thought he was handsome….)

well. um. we don’t get a lot of time to linger on that.

back to mrs. mulder. mulder has his head in his hands, saying they could have saved her, that he had once chance. and he tells scully that he saw his sister. and she was just a little girl.

it’s not clear if scully can tell he’s speaking the truth or if she thinks he is still saying random stuff in shock, but he says that he’s seen too much to not believe. she counters that she believes they have a place to begin in looking for answers.

“you put such faith in your science, scully, but… the things i’ve seen, science provides no place to start”

“nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it- and that’s a place to start”

OOOOOH BANGER LINE!!!!! such hope there is in understanding the world that seems impossible to comprehend, if only we seek out the knowledge to grasp it!!!! if we admit what we don’t know and start where we do until we reach the Truth!!!

this line coaxes a smile out of him, and she adds “that’s where the hope is”, and i think i understand scully on a molecular level.

but he is still in agony over there. he feels he came close, and she feels it too.

and as she says she was warned by X about his mother being in danger, and that he is who can lead them to a place to start, we see him dragging himself down mulder’s hallway, gasping for breath, before finally collapsing, having written “SRSG” in his OWN BLOOD???????? HOLY HELL??? that was very metal in a fashion i was not expecting…….. rip X :(

as much as i feel like we need some time to linger on that we really aren't given any in terms of the episode’s pacing. but like. damn. its MY writeup and i can give us a moment of silence for X as i choose.

...

okay, jump to a month later, at the UN building in NYC. we see someone open a door to the special representative to the secretary general- OMG... the SRSG!!! and mulder is there to visit!! he must have pieced together the horrific clue… the special representative won’t see him. but his secretary, marita covarrubias, will.

he’s trying to get answers on the farmland in canada, but only getting dead ends. however, maria says the farm was abandoned, but the crops were identified as ginseng.

GINSENG? making killer bees? press F to doubt. and she says there no evidence of bees. YEAH RIGHT,,, I SAW THEM!

she asks why this is so important to him, and he starts to say that he’s suffered some very personal losses recently, but he can’t seem to get it out (oh my gosh, it is so sad) but he opens the file she hands him and sees A PHOTO of the CLONES OF HIS SISTER doing farm work!!!

and this assistant says “not everything dies, mr. mulder” (which at this point i had to rewind and get her name because i realized she might KNOW THINGS and be a RECURRING character with INFORMATION…. OMG….)

SO WHAT DO WE DO WITH ALL OF THAT?!?!?

back to the hospital, where THE BOUNTY HUNTER is visiting????? is he gonna hurt mrs. mulder OMFG???? stay away from her?!!!!!

but he goes in there and looks at her. “i need to know the reasons why this should be”, he asks CANCER MAN??? who seems to have SET UP OFFICE IN THERE??? he says it’s so that the project may continue, and this will remove an obstacle. and that obstacle is AGENT MULDER???

HELLO??? so DID cancer man do this to her??? “if his mother were to die….” NO NO, KEEP ON TALKING CANCER MAN, SHARE WITH THE CLASS WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY

“the fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose, and you know how important agent mulder is to the equation” <- SO THIS WHOLE COLONIZATION PLAN WAS DRAFTED WITH HIM IN MIND???? how would that even be possible... how far back does this plan even go?

bounty hunter closes the door and locks it behind him, then proceeds to lay his hand on mrs. mulder- so ALL of these aliens can do the healing thingy? and she opens her eyes!!!! and sees cancer man!!

imagine that being the first thing you see when you wake up omg….

and thus concludes the episode.

okay, so i have a lot to say, but yesterday i saw a video that said “think of the character you hate the most in the world” and i thought of cancer man. then the video said “now imagine all your negative self thoughts in that character’s voice and you won’t listen to them ever again” and damn, if cancer man TRIED me i would find new and exciting ways to cause him suffering. in ways that i shan’t describe, for i haven’t even thought of them yet. i imagine an entirely empty room with nothing but that one “i’m good and i’m feeling alright” song on loop for years, with his ears in protective gear that make them impossible to self-deafen when he’s lost it.

BUT. we got a lot in this episode. and i’m not sure how i’m feeling.

well, first, we lost X. this is a major L for our heroes. even though he could be a bit insufferable in his vague hints, he seemed to have some sort of positive feeling toward mulder, at least part of the time. but how much of what he was doing was furthering cancer man’s agenda? it might be impossible to ever tell.

second, jeremy. he was a great dude in episode 1, saving all those lives, and then it turns out he knew about the clone children slavery which makes me think much less of him and i find it hard to mourn his death. because seriously WTF kind of evil creature uses cloned kidnapped kids to harvest evil killer bees. and no parents because they are “unnecessary”. and poor mulder was tortured by seeing her again but it not actually being Her. and despite it not actually being Her, he wanted to save this clone samantha, who had been deprived of any language. what the hell. jeremy is supposed to be RESISTING to the alien’s plan for colonization but he knew about this so like???? which side is he on?????

i mean, i guess knowing about atrocities committed by your people doesn’t mean you endorse them, but he was SO condescending about the whole matter, all “oh you don’t understand” in a way that makes me think he WAS endorsing it. so if he’s down with their evil plans, why the hell is he resisting them bad enough to be hunted by this bounty hunter for???

i am puzzled on that front, but it feels that it was designed to be this way. either way, jeremy is dead now too, so no answers on that front, either.

so, we know that there is this plan at colonization of earth by this alien species, and that jeremy claimed mulder had some way of stopping it. and the colonization plan involves evil bees and pollen and cloned children and inventorying every person who ever received a smallpox vaccine. and also kidnapping people and performing tests on them that will slowly kill them. and this is a plan set in place by a certain group at the UN to which cancer man belongs, but somehow this plan stretches back to mr. mulder, and was drafted with the younger mulder in mind. and we also know that they took samantha as "insurance" so that mr. mulder didn't betray the plan, because he was not in agreement with the ethics involved.

other things that we know but are not clear how exactly they fit in: the whole oil alien that turns people into flashbangs found in the sunken submarine deal, krychek's escape arc, exactly who the little grey dudes that look like stereotypical aliens are, and if the bodies found in the train car back in anasazi were actual aliens, or alien-human hybrids- because they had smallpox vaccine scars. also, we still do not know to whom X pledged his loyalty, and the exact purpose of the disease center in west virginia where that one dude claimed the government was testing on vulnerable populations.

so somehow we have some known aliens in here, people being catalogued and experimented upon, possibly in an attempt to create alien-human hybrids to accelerate the plan of alien colonization. but also some mystery aliens of uncertain relevance to the plot.

okay, i think... i have it all in order.

there was a lot that went down here, so i will need some time to process it all. but, we did get more scully, which is ALWAYS a good thing, especially when she is cracking codes and being a scientist. and poor mulder... they are just torturing him for fun at this point...

there was a lot of plot, but not a ton of time to process it. so this episode was good, but i don’t think it would make my top 10 ranking. this is also a consequence of our agents being separated for most of the ep.

so, where do we go from here? i have no idea! i am just glad to begin a new journey with these characters, even if things are still very murky in terms of plot! in fact, there was so much plot crammed into a short space of time, i'm almost looking forward to a few monster of the week episodes to try and give my brain a break from unraveling all that.

now... i know that the next episode has a reputation for being quite spooky. and i shall face this challenge with bravery and honor. wish me luck…

#i had a lot to say today and i still feel like i could have said more because so much happened #it was hard to work out exactly what the implications were to the overall plot with each reveal #but we know that something is afoot #overall it was a good episode but it wasn’t a top 10 for me #especially not after the rollercoaster that was nisei and 731 #we may have gotten some half answers but more than that we got a lot of questions #anyway. scully is the best friend ever and poor mulder is a sad meow meow #juni's x files liveblog #4x01 #txf #the x files

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being-addie · 2 years ago

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What April 2023 was like + May 2023 goals

What I learned in April 2023:

I suck at time management and I really need to do better lol.

What I accomplished in April 2023:

Survived my finals, and finally solidified a friend group :)

What surprised me in April 2023:

That letting of go of people isn't that big of a deal. After I distanced myself from some really toxic people in my class, I found a new group of friends who I genuinely like to be around, and they're all smart and hardworking, and I didn't expect that this would be coming honestly. Its great.

The day I remember best in April 2023:

My math exam. I completely flunked it and felt really bad that day. I think it really pushed me to take things more seriously.

The person that played a huge role in my life in April 2023:

My mom: Constantly motivating me, and talking to me about the world. We're so open and I love that she can listen to me and have a discussion without being judgemental.

My best and worst moments of April 2023:

Best moment: the day I FINALLY managed to go out with my friends to the mall to go shopping and get boba. After being cooped up inside the house for so long it was very refreshing.

Worst moment: completely botched my math final. I kept putting off studies saying I'd do it later, and it came back to bite me in the ass.

What I wish I had done differently in April 2023:

Planned my time a little better around studying. for my next semester, I'm starting all my assigned reading in May (during the holidays), and I'm looking into getting a tutor for math.

What I stopped doing in April 2023:

I really cut down my junk food intake which I'm really happy about, plus I've stopped staying up till 2-3 AM. It's been a while since I got a total of 8 hours of sleep, and it felt so good.

What I started doing in April 2023:

I've surprisingly started drinking more water, and restarted the gym again, in the last week.

Goals I’d like to achieve for May 2023:

More practice, practice, practice. Since I'm having holidays, I'm planning on going outside more and just sketching and doing crafts and writing stories.

(template ib: @blissfullyecho)

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whats-k-popping · 1 year ago

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sick han with prompts 1, 31, 81 and caretaker chan?

Remember back in July when I opened requests for this prompt list?? I'm so so sorry it's taken me this long to finish! But I hope this anon is still around! Thanks for requesting it. Despite the long time it took me to finish, I really did enjoy writing for Stray Kids. While I really enjoy them, it's the first time writing them. I hope the characterization is decent.

Pairing: Chan x Han - platonic intentions but read as you want.

Prompts: "You're burning up" || "Hey, are you still with me?" || Holding your hair as you're vomiting into the toilet. You keep apologizing, but seriously I don't mind.

Words: 2197

Warnings: Fever || Emeto || Graphic Descriptions of illness || Slight Angst

Jisung's been staring at the same piece of paper for hours now. He holds his head in his hands as he watches the words blur together, swimming around whatever percentage of his vision hasn't been plagued with floating black spots.

He promised Chan he would finish these lyrics, but he hasn't been struck with a single ounce of inspiration. And he's been re-reading the draft for so long that the words he's already written hardly make sense anymore. As much as it pains him to admit, he's not going to be able to finish it.

Chan is sitting at his desk, while Jisung's sitting cross-legged on the floor. It's amazing, Jisung thinks, just how focused and dedicated his leader is. It's nearly 2 AM, and they've been holed up in this studio trying to finish this song since 6 PM. Chan hasn't complained once. He hasn't so much as stopped for a bathroom break, still clicking away on his laptop. Meanwhile, Jisung is putting all his energy into making the words on the paper stay still. It's just not fair.

Eventually, the swirling syllables make his head pound and his stomach roll. He suddenly feels like he's on a boat in the middle of the ocean during a tropical storm. If he so much as glances back at that paper, he's going to lose his dinner. So he pushes the pages aside.

The rapid fluttering of the paper startles Chan, who turns and looks at the youngest producer for the first time in hours. He looks confused, "You good?"

Jisung nods, one up and down motion because anymore may make him dizzier than he already is. "I just need a little break. Been staring at the same thing for too long. It's starting to look like gibberish."

Chan smirks, knowing he's been there before. He glances at the time and is shocked at just how much time has passed. Working until the early hours of the morning is nothing new for him, but usually Jisung calls a quits around midnight. Especially if they have early schedules the next day.

The leader walks over to the younger member and drapes a blanket over his shoulders, "Take a rest. It might help refresh your mind."

Jisung only protests for a moment before he rests his head against his folded arms. The blanket brings him a warmth he didn't realize that he was missing, "Wake me in 30 minutes." He requests before quickly succumbing to the exhaustion.

30 minutes passes like seconds to Chan, never an expert at keeping time when in the production zone. He falls so deep into the track he's working on that he forgets Jisung is even in the room with him. He's reminded when the young rapper lets out a whine loud enough to break through the leader's headphones.

Chan turns his chair to look at Jisung, who is still curled over the table asleep. Despite the whine that alerted him, he seems rather peaceful. So the leader assumes that it was just Jisung talking in his sleep. He's no stranger to the younger mumbling weird and random things in his sleep.

He spares a glance at the clock and finds that two hours passed in the blink of an eye. It's after 4 now and Chan thinks maybe it's time the two of them head back to the dorm. Before Jisung wakes up with an awful cramp in his neck and an ache in his lower back. They have dance practice in the afternoon, and Chan knows Minho will not shy away from scolding him if Jisung's not in his best condition.

Making sure he's triple saved his work, he shuts down his station and slides himself beside the sleeping rapper. As he scoots a little closer, he notices that Jisung's face is glistening with sweat. And his skin is noticeably pale even under the dimmed studio lighting. Weird, he thinks, Jisung seemed fine when they were working earlier. He presses one hand against Jisung's forehead and the other against his own. Jisung's skin is blazing compared to his.

When Chan pulls his hand away, Jisung subconsciously follows. And when he can't find the cool hand anymore, he blinks himself awake with a quivering pout. His eyes eventually settle on Chan's figure beside him and he whines. "Hyung, where'd the cold go?" He slurs the words together, it's nearly indecipherable.

Chan quickly realizes what Jisung wants and holds his hand back out for the rapper. Jisung takes the hands and holds it close to his face like a stuffed animal, nuzzling his cheek into the leader's palm. "Feels nice." He mumbles, nearly falling asleep again. "I feel funny," he admits.

"I'd bet you do," Chan uses his other hand to play with the rapper's sweaty strands of hair, "You're burning up."

Jisung shakes his head, and Chan feels it in both of his hands more than he sees it happening. "No, not that. My tummy." He whines, "my tummy feels funny."

At that, Chan moves the hand from Jisung's hair and presses it over his stomach area. He finds the rapper's middle swollen. And he can feel the organ gurgling angrily through the fabric of Jisung's shirt. "Oh, Hannie." Chan comforts. "You must've caught some kind of bug. Poor thing." He rubs the younger’s stomach, trying to relieve some of the pressure.

Jisung leans into the touch longingly, inching himself closer to Chan. "Hyung, ‘m sorry," he whines, "I don't think I can finish the lyrics tonight." The words fall out of Jisung's mouth like an afterthought, a similar slur to his sleep talking voice.

Chan clicks his tongue. In all honestly, Chan had even forgotten about the lyrics and deadlines and group responsibilities. His sole priority right now is Jisung's health. “Don’t worry about that right now, Sungie.” he reminds in a soft voice as he strokes through Jisung’s sweaty hair. “Let’s just get you back to the dorm.”

What’s usually a simple task seems impossible. Jisung is so out of it, he can’t even force himself to stand on his own. Chan has to pull him up by the armpits. And even once he’s on his feet, Jisung sways a little before his head falls against Chan’s shoulder. “Hey,” he nudges the younger, “Are you still with me?” he panics, thinking Jisung had passed out on him. At this point, he’s thinking of skipping the dorm altogether and going right to the hospital. Jisung’s gotten too sick too quickly.

When he feels Jisung nod his head against his chest, he relaxes a bit, just relieved that his dongsaeng is still conscious. He does his best to keep Jisung engaged while he thinks up a plan to get them back to the dorm. Walking doesn’t seem like a reliable option.

While Chan comes to terms with the fact that he’s going to have to carry his sick member home, Jisung pushes Chan away with a force the leader didn’t know he still had. Jisung’s eyes widen and he lets out a wet hiccup. Clamping a hand over his mouth, Jisung runs out of the studio. Chan doesn’t have time to question the newfound burst of energy as he bolts after him. He follows him into the bathroom and into the largest stall at the far end. Jisung doesn’t even try to waste time locking the door. There are no obstacles in Chan’s way, which he greatly appreciates.

Jisung bends at the waist over the clean bowl, stomach contents immediately slip between his finger tips, staining the seat and the walls. Some droplets splatter on the floor in front of him. He removes his now vomit soaked hand and uses it to grip the side of the bowl, mirroring his other hand. For a second, they are the only thing keeping him from smacking his head against the porcelain. But two hands support him quickly, one on his waist and the other on his shoulder. Jisung doesn’t have the mental bandwidth to resist as they guide him into a kneeling position. It’s probably for the best. His legs have nothing left after his sprint from the studio.

“Okay, okay,” Chan soothes. “I’ve got you.”

Jisung just shakes his head, tears streaming down his cheeks as he continues to heave into the toilet. He has so many things he wants to say, but he can’t get a syllable out between gags. It’s warm and it burns his throat. The taste left behind just makes him more nauseous. When he sniffles, the sting of vomit burns the back of his nose. It’s a miserable experience.

Strands of Jisung’s longer hair dangle in front of his face, frequently getting caught up in the sick pouring from his mouth. Chan does his best to pull them back, but every time he thinks he has them all one strand falls loose and dangles around the younger's mouth. It's a never ending cycle of carding and tugging at Jisung's hair. Chan even gets remnants of vomit on his hands in the process. But he manages to hold back the grimaces of disgust to spare Jisung's feelings.

Jisung momentarily loses his sense of awareness to his surroundings. The only thing he can think about is the eruption of mostly digested food, stomach acid and bile pouring out of him. Every time he thinks it's over, he's starting again before he can even get in a decent breath. After 10 agonizing minutes, Jisung finally catches a break. He's able to take a deep breath that doesn't trigger a wave of nausea and assumes his whole body is empty. There's a hollow feeling in his abdomen and he briefly wonders if he's actually thrown up all of his organs in the midst of it all.

He's shocked into reality when present company tugs at his hair, jostling his whole head. He's got a headache now, and that didn't help. He looks at the offending individual with as much malice as he can muster. It's a mere 2% intimidating.

"Do you feel a bit better now that you've gotten it all out?" Chan asks, so gentle and kind and hand still clamped to the back of Jisung's head. He doesn't look mad.

Jisung can't understand why he isn't. He sniffles, trying to ward off a new wave of tears. He's not sure why he's crying now. Maybe it's shame, or guilt. It could be the headache. It's probably the fever. But there's a lot going on. Jisung is overstimulated by his own emotions. It pours out of him like a fountain. "I'm sorry, hyung!" He whimpers.

"I'm sorry for being so gross. I didn't mean to. And you had to stay with me."

"Hannie-"

"And I missed the toilet a bit. I made a mess here. And some of it got on you. I'm so sorry,"

"Han, it's-"

"What if you get sick now? How will we get work done?" Jisung's eyes widen, "and I didn't finish the lyrics like I promised. I'm sorry, hyung! I tried. And you couldn't finish your work either. You stopped to take care of me."

"Han Jisung!" Chan tried a third time in a more demanding tone. It startled the younger rapper, which Chan feels bad about. His dongsaeng needs comfort. Not scoldings. But it did finally got him to stop rambling. He softens his tone quickly. "You don't need to apologize for anything, alright?" He assures.

Jisung just continues looking at him, still too stunned by his hyung's authoritative tone to react.

"Everybody gets sick sometimes. It's out of our control. It's my job, as your leader and your hyung to take care of you when you need it. So I need you to let you me. And don't worry about work or the deadlines. I know you're doing your best with the lyrics. And they will still be there when you're feeling ready to finish them. But for now you need to focus on your health and getting better. Do you understand?" Jisung nods. "Good, now. How are you feeling? Any better than earlier?"

Jisung shakes his head this time. "My tummy feels empty now. But I have a headache, and I'm really really cold." He admits, "Hyung, I just wanna go home."

"That's my Hannie," Chan smiles, petting the younger man's hair. "Let's get you home. I'll get you two days off schedules so you can rest up. How does that sound?"

Jisung smiles a bit. Chan thinks it's the smallest smile he's ever seen in his life. "Thank you, hyung"

"You're welcome Sungie." He helps the younger to stand up and guides him out of the bathroom. He asks Jisung to wait on a hallway bench while he calls Changbin. It's nearly 5 AM now, and the third 3racha member is probably waking up to get ready for his morning workout. Probably the only member ever willingly awake this early, besides the ones who don't sleep.

While they wait for their fellow producer, Jisung bobs in and out of sleep leaning against the bathroom wall. Chan's taken to cleaning the mess that became of the stall without complaint. Because that's just what hyungs do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: The ending feels a little rushed to me. I always feel like I want to keep writing until the sickie feels better, but that would be a super long fic. So I apologize for the abrupt ending.

As always, thanks for reading to the end! I really appreciate each and every one of you who make it this far! Feedback is always appreciated. And please let me know if I missed any tags or TWs. Please call me out for any errors you notice!

#stray kids #stray kids sickfic #skz sickfic #sick!Han #caretaker!Chan #skz fever #skz emeto #tw fever #tw emeto #aki sickfic #aki writes #aki requests

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elliethejellie · 1 year ago

Text

The Lovebug Virus - Chapter 5: Balance

Yandere! Sun and Moon x Reader

Masterlist || AO3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 6

*****

For once, everything you set out to accomplish in the past few days has been going surprisingly well.

Since the day you fell asleep in the daycare, Sun and Moon have seemingly made it their personal responsibility to make sure you get enough sleep. You had promised them that you would try harder when you came in for your shift the next day, still not having recovered from your sleep deprivation, energy drink in hand and bags under your eyes. Even if you had only said so to get Sun to stop telling you all the reasons why eight hours of sleep were ideal.

For some reason, you felt some sort of resignation in allowing the boys to take care of you. While you had been used to taking care of yourself for so long, letting some of the weight off of your shoulders in trying to remember all the little things that went into keeping your sanity was refreshing. Sun had even started trying to make a little game out of it, guessing how many hours you had gotten of sleep by all of your vitals he could read. It had surprised you at first when he told you that they had the ability to do that, but honestly, what hadn't surprised you about them at this point?

Your grades stopped suffering from the moment you took this job, it seemed. Every single class got more than enough attention, and you had Kat helping you with homework when you needed it. She was more of a help than you expected her to be. The two of you even had enough time to go out for a coffee date again, like you used to do all the time throughout the summer.

During said coffee date, she relayed that she was getting even closer with the girl from the party, whose name is Jenny. You had been hearing Kat on the phone with her a lot recently, and you had even joked with her at one point that she was replacing you with her (which earned you an aggressive hair ruffling). She pestered you about the daycare attendant a lot while you sipped your drink, for some reason. And you couldn't help the heat that rose to your cheeks when you embarrassingly rambled on a little too much about how much you enjoyed being around them.

"Oh come on, Meatball! You so have a crush on them!"

"Shhh!" you said back, looking around frantically to see if anyone else had been eavesdropping on your conversation. Kat pulled her head down apologetically, but still waved her hands back and forth in front of her face excitedly. When you glared at her in response, she sighed and realized that it was somehow a touchy subject.

"Girl, it's not like I'm judging you," she had responded. "One of the other night guards is actually in a relationship with one of the glamrocks," she said nonchalantly. You had immediately perked up at the new knowledge.

"They're allowed to date?" you asked incredulously. She shrugged, breaking off another piece of her slice of lemon cake and popping it into her mouth. You sighed, slumping back into your seat further. "It doesn't matter, anyways. It's not like they've shown any interest in me anyways." Kat scoffed.

"Seriously? Moon never shuts up about you," she claimed, crossing her arms.

"Really?" She shrugged. "I just thought that-"

"Chipmunk, you literally overthink everything. Listen to the things I'm telling you." She leaned forward intimidatingly. "They. Like. You."

It was that conversation that has you currently trying to figure out how you are going to tell them that you also like them. You currently were running through the daycare play structures, playing tag with Sun and the children.

"Oh no! I've been tagged again! What ever shall I do?" Sun calls out dramatically from somewhere across the daycare. You giggle along with Evelyn, who decided to follow you around as usual. She grabs your hand and drags you back down towards the entrance of the play structure. You let her, keeping an eye out for Sun in the process. He seems to have disappeared.

Suddenly, you feel yourself being lifted into the air. You screech, letting go of Evelyn's hand and flailing frantically.

"Tag! Now you're it, Sunbite!" Sun exclaims, holding you in a hug. You can't help but find yourself laughing, enjoying the feeling of playing around like a child again. But you know what time it is, so you put on your best teacher voice as you speak your next words.

"Oh no! Looks like I'll have to be the first person to be 'it' in the next game!" you say, earning whines from a lot of the children.

"Now, now, little sunflowers," Sun chastises, placing you down and then wagging his finger at the young kids. "What do I always say about bringing a game to an end?"

"That it makes room for other fun activities," they all say in unison, excitement forming in their tiny bodies again. You smile as you walk over to the supply closet, pulling out black construction paper and glow-in-the-dark paint. You had come up with this idea yesterday, and when you told Sun about it this morning, he was so ecstatic about it, you had to convince him the entire time you were getting the daycare ready to wait to do the craft until before lunch time.

You walk back over to the tables just as Sun finishes settling them all down in their seats. Sun stands in the middle of them all, looking just about ready to explode. Still, when he speaks, you can't tell from his voice just how excited he is.

"So, who knows what is out in space?" he questions, looking around the young faces. Several of the older ones' hands shoot into the air, and Sun picks one.

"Stars!" he exclaims. Sun tells him he's correct before picking another one. Several of the children take this as an opportunity to just start blurting out answers.

"Planets!"

"Mars!"

"That's a planet, dummy-"

"Galaxies!"

"Yes, yes, yes," Sun says to calm the energetic kids, chuckling gently. He waits for them to quiet down before turning to you. "Sunbite, do you have anything to add?" You smile softly as you continue to hand out paintbrushes and paints to the children.

"The Sun and the Moon," you say, and all the kids let out "ooo's" at your answer. Sun somehow seems to smile wider.

"Correct again!" he agrees. He stands on one of the foam blocks and spreads his arms wide up above him. "There is so much out there that we are only just beginning to explore!" He turns back to face the eager faces. "I want you guys to help Moon and I see it all by drawing whatever you want, as long as it's out in space!"

The children scream in delight, grabbing at the glow paints and beginning their art projects. You can't help but feel a warmth in your chest at how much excitement they're giving off as you retreat to the security desk. Just as you're about to delve into figuring out what the children were having for lunch, you hear the door to the daycare open.

Max rushes in, drawing the attention of several of the children, many of which begin asking Sun who he is. Max waves at them quickly before continuing his approach to you. The apologetic look on his face immediately worries you. "Did I do something wrong already?" you ask half-jokingly, trying to keep the conversation light. He chuckles at that, shaking his head.

"No! God, no. If anything, you're doing everything right, and that's why I'm hesitant to do this..." he trails off the end of his sentence, looking remorseful enough that you feel panic rising in your chest. They weren't going to fire you already, were they? If you had been doing everything right, why would they get rid of you? And right now? In front of all the children?

Max pulls some paperwork off of his clipboard and holds it out in your direction. You take it with shaky hands, looking down and trying to stop the tears that already want to spill from your eyes. But your heart skips a beat or two as you read the top of the paper.

"ROUTINE MAINTENANCE INSTRUCTIONS: DAYCARE ATTENDANT"

"Something came up and now the Daycare Attendant doesn't have anyone to do the scheduled maintenance or cleanup on them," Max says, lifting his arm to scratch the back of his neck. "I tried to convince them to just let me do it, since you're still relatively new and all, but they insisted. I'm sorry you gotta get the extra workload."

A shaky laugh escapes your lips.

Routine maintenance? That's all this was about? Max felt bad because he had to give you extra work? "Max, you scared me!" you say, smacking him with the stack of paper. He looks rather confused, staring at you for a moment before his eyes go wide.

"Oh my god, you probably thought I was going to fire you! I'm so fucking stupid," he says, placing his palm to his forehead.

"Language, Mr. Diaz!" Sun says, earning a flurry of giggles from the children. You smile, relieved at the turn of events.

"It's fine, Max," you assure him, turning back to the desk and placing the papers down to be read later during your lunch break. "Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I'm going to school with Kat literally for robotics engineering anyways, remember?"

He gives you an uneasy smile, probably still convinced that you were being treated unfairly. But still, he says his goodbyes to you and waves at Sun before going to leave the daycare. He opens the door and yelps, though, the STAFF bot having already been waiting to drop off the lunch for the little ones. The daycare erupts into a fit of rowdy laughter as Max's face burns red and he scurries away like a cat.

You walk over to retrieve the meal as Sun begins dismissing the children one by one to go wash their hands. He collects the art projects off of the table and brings them to the security desk to lay out and dry as you set the meal down and begin disinfecting the surfaces. Then the two of you set up lunch as the children wait patiently, talking among themselves. The routine goes by smoothly with you and Sun working in perfect harmony. It makes you smile as you dish up the spaghetti into bowls and hand them to him to place in each of the spots.

The next thing you know, you're back at the security desk with Sun in his usual place, peeking over the monitors curiously as you skim the front page of the booklet Max brought you.

"So does this make you our new handler?" he asks eagerly, his rays seemingly shivering with excitement. You chuckle as you put the packet back down.

"I don't know, Sunny. Could just be temporary," you say, shrugging. He looks disheartened at that, so you continue. "But even if it is, I'm going to aim to be your handler anyways once I've got my degree." That seems to satisfy him, as he leans on the desk now with a goofy grin on his face. "What?" you ask, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how much better everything in the daycare has gotten since you showed up," he muses, standing back up tall and staring off into the distance like he was reminiscing over old memories. You can't help but think he looks like he's starstruck, which only causes your heart to flutter as the weight of his words sink in.

"Oh I'm sure you guys were doing just fine without me," you say, waving his praise away to deter the blush that threatens to creep to your cheeks.

"Are you kidding me, Sunbite?" he exclaims, looking like if his security protocols weren't actively preventing it, he would leap across the desk and engulf you in a bone-crushing hug. "Everything runs so much smoother when you're here! The kids love all the amazing art projects you come up with, and even Moon appreciates the help you provide during naptime!"

Okay, now you really can't stop the blush as it takes over your cheeks. Thank god the lights are about to go out, because you're not so sure you can take much more praise without just melting on the spot.

"Sunny, stop it," you warn jokingly. "The lights are about to go out, and some of the children are probably ready to start getting cleaned up."

The solar animatronic places both of his hands to his cheeks as if having just remembered that he had a job to do, before rushing over to handle the little ones. You can't help the goofy grin that tugs at the corners of your mouth as you clock out for lunch. You just felt so... good. You wouldn't have to come up with some lame excuse to spend more time with the jester animatronics now that you had to perform weekly checkups on them. Things really couldn't get much better than this.

You wave to Sun as you leave through the employee entrance of the daycare and make your way over to the locker room. You've finally been having enough self control as of late to make yourself meals ahead of time, so as you pull open the door to the locker you put your bag in, you feel your stomach rumble at the knowledge of what was waiting for you to dig into.

Your mouth waters as you pull out your insulated lunchbox and a few bills so you can grab yourself a can of Fizzy Faz on the way back. You know Moon will give you hell for wanting it, but something about the nostalgic taste of barely-flavored corn syrup was just too addicting not to have it every once in a while. Besides, it's not like Moon could really do anything to you when you did have it. He would just grumble and glare at you like a cat protesting being moved from a comfy spot. Not really very intimidating.

Drink and food in hand, you wander back into the daycare quietly, trying your best not to disturb the children as they settle down around Moon. He looks up at you and seems to smile a bit wider, which only makes your heart flutter just as it had with Sun earlier. Maybe Kat was right.

Maybe you are falling head over heels for the stupid jester robots.

You take your usual seat at the security desk and pull out your homemade sushi roll and dumplings, excited once again that you had prepared yourself your favorite food. Moon begins telling a story to the children to get them to fall asleep. You don't recognize what tale he is reciting, which only intrigues you to listen to him instead of pulling your phone out like you usually did. After a moment, you realize that he must have begun telling the story before you even walked back in, because his sentence doesn't exactly sound like the beginnings of one.

"The little child asked the Moon when his birthday was, but the Moon didn't seem to hear him," he says, using his hands to emphasize the story as he went. "So the little child climbed up the highest tree he could find and shouted even louder. 'When is your birthday, Moon?' the boy yelled, and this time, it seemed like the Moon heard him."

You feel so absolutely enamored watching Moon that you almost miss how much his story is starting to sound more and more like he's talking about himself and Sun. The boy being the latter and him being - well, himself, you guess.

"'I don't know when my birthday is,' the Moon told the boy, feeling a little embarrassed by the admission. But the boy only smiled brighter at the Moon, instead offering to celebrate it the next day anyways. 'Tomorrow is my birthday, but I don't mind sharing it with you!' he assured the Moon," the lunar animatronic continued. Yeah, this story is definitely about him and Sun. There is no doubt about it. You wonder if he usually tells this story to the kids, or if he is only telling this story because he knows you're listening. Either way, you pop open your container of sushi and continue to eavesdrop.

"And so the boy set out the next day to figure out a present to give the Moon. He tried painting him a picture, but the colors were too bright and he couldn't seem to get the face right." You realize that none of the little ones seem to be awake anymore, which means that Moon is most certainly only telling the story now for you. It makes you feel warm inside, but you keep your head down to hide your blush and shove another piece of the roll into your mouth.

"Then, the boy thought to make him a big, beautiful cake. But he remembered that he didn't have any of the ingredients to do so, and that the Moon couldn't eat anyways." He pauses, looking up at you and tilting his head slightly, just as you crack open your can of Fizzy Faz. Did the stupid lunar animatronic just have some wild instinct when high calorie drinks were being consumed? You had made sure you opened the can below the desk so he couldn't see, and you'd also made sure it wasn't loud enough that he could hear it from where he sat.

Still, he turns back to the sleeping children and brushes the hair out of the closest child's face as he continues reciting his tale.

"Exasperated, the boy sat down on the floor of his room and wept. He wanted to make the moon feel special on his special day, but he was running out of time! He picked up his favorite stuffed animal and asked it what he should make for the moon. The stuffed animal said nothing back, but it somehow still gave the little boy an idea. He ran to his cupboard and pulled out his sewing kit. He was going to make a hat for the moon!"

You can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth as you take a bite of one of your dumplings. Even if the story wasn't entirely true (you knew the hat was always a part of the Fazco brand outfit he wore), you could definitely picture Sun making Moon the hat that always sat upon his brother's head.

"The boy worked all the way until the sun began to set. The hat was finished, but he didn't know how to give it to the moon. He wandered back outside and stared at the sky, trying to figure out a solution. 'The tree is probably tall enough to reach the moon!' he exclaimed, and so he placed the hat on his own head and then climbed up to the tallest part of the tallest tree in his backyard. The boy placed the hat on the tip of the highest branch. He wanted to wait to see the moon's reaction to the gift, but he yawned, feeling sleepy from spending all day working hard on it. So he climbed back down the tree and went to bed.

"The next day, the boy woke up and ran outside to find that the hat was missing! He smiled to himself and felt satisfied. Surely the moon had to love his gift to him. He made it extra special and with love." Moon tilts his head and smiles down at the sleeping children, being sure to jingle the bell on the edge of his hat as he does so.

You force yourself to look back down at your food seeing that Moon was now gently standing up to make his way over to you. When the red glow of his eyes signaled his position in front of the desk, you look up at him and smile, trying to play that you hadn't just spent the last ten minutes listening to him tell a literal bedtime story.

"Did you enjoy the show, Starlight?" he muses, which only makes you choke on your bite of sushi. His face immediately turns to that of concern, reaching forward to help you. You cough a few times and hold your hands up to gesture to him that you are okay. He chuckles slightly when you finally calm down, so you shoot a glare in his direction.

"Don't you dare," you say as threateningly as you can muster, but it sounds about as threatening as a croaky voice can sound while also whispering. You know he's lingering on making some kind of joke like he always does. Still, he puts his hands up in front of him in surrender as you grab your can of Fizzy Faz and chug the last of it (though not without a protesting sigh from the jester).

Moon walks back over to your designated naptime hangout spot, and you join him once you get your lunch mess cleaned up. "That was a really sweet story," you admit as you sit down on the mat next to him. "Did Sun really make your hat?" you ask, the curiosity not having left your thoughts since you heard it.

"Oh god no," he responds, seemingly finding the notion rather funny. He then snaps his hand up to his head, which tells you that Sun is yelling at him through their shared consciousness. "But he did fix my hat for me when he saw that it was torn," he admits, shaking his head as if physically trying to jostle Sun's voice from it. "It was a long time ago now, though."

"That's so sweet," you say, smiling gently. "I wish I had someone to mend my clothes when I was younger. Could've saved me a lot of embarrassment, honestly." Moon's red eyes shift to look at you, a curious expression upon his face.

"Embarrassment?" he asks, and you feel your cheeks burn.

"Y-Yeah, I didn't exactly get new clothes often enough to afford tossing the ones I had. Even if they were torn," you admit sheepishly. Moon's head makes a few ticking sounds, as if he's processing your words slowly.

"Well, now you have me," he settles on saying, before flinching - probably due to Sun yelling again - and correcting himself. "Us. Now you have us."

You smile up at him, but feel years worth of loneliness tug at your heart, promptly forcing you to snap your head back down. There wasn't ever anyone in your corner. Dealing with things on your own was your go-to way of handling each and every problem you came across up until recently. You stare at your hands, suddenly willing tears not to fall from your stinging eyes. Moon seems to notice that something is amiss, placing a hand on your shoulder gently. But you flinch at the physical contact and lean away from him.

"I-I'm sorry," you stutter, your voice barely above a whisper. "There's uh, there must be something in my eye or- I just... I need a second."

You stand from your spot next to him and rush towards the opposite side of the daycare and into the 'pillow fort,' covering your face in your hands and struggling to hold back the sobs that threaten to spill from your throat. Why are you even crying? You're such a useless crybaby. He was only stating what you already knew. So why are you reacting this way?

You bite down aggressively on your bottom lip to try to draw your attention to the pain instead of your spiraling thoughts. You didn't need to be so dramatic about this, but for some reason hearing Moon give you such a simple sentence of confirmation of their care for you just made your inner child emotional. God, you really are broken, aren't you?

"Starlight," you hear Moon's voice gently call in through the entrance to the tent. "I meant what I said. You shouldn't have to deal with these things on your own."

On your own.

But that's always how it's been. So why should now be any different?

Even if the animatronic jesters do care about you the same way you do about them, who's to say they'll never change their minds? You've always pushed everyone away, even when things go right. Even when-

"Starlight."

Moon's hand slides under your side and pulls you into his lap, engulfing you in a hug. Your body goes rigid, unsure of what to make of this. You had been so wrapped up in your thoughts that you hadn't even noticed that he'd slipped inside the tent and knelt down next to you. His hand rubs cooling circles on your back just as it had when you were having your panic attack. But the sentiment only brings another onslaught of tears, so you bury your face into his chest and quietly sob.

"Shhh, our little star, we're here now. You're not alone anymore," he assures softly, using his other hand to brush through your hair. You can't remember the last time you've even been consoled so intimately when you cried. Kat has always been great at giving you distractions and cheering you up, but it made her uncomfortable to listen to your dark thoughts and personal traumas. So you resorted to shoving everything down and reassuring yourself regularly that you would find yourself a therapist when you had the money. And then things just kept getting worse and you lost your job, so you never got to fulfill that promise to yourself.

Your silent sobs calm down more and more until you just sit in Moon's lap, sniffling against his chest. Now that you aren't wracked with your crying fit, you can hear faint clicking and whirring sounds coming from behind Moon's chestplate, starting and pausing in a pattern reminiscent of a heartbeat. Finally, you sigh, relaxing into him as he continues to rub your back.

"Better?" he asks gently, tilting his faceplate down to look at you. You nod into his chest and wrap your arms around him, not wanting to get up just yet. "Do you want to talk about it?"

You hesitate. Should you talk to him about the things you've been through? It would probably help you to get these things off of your chest to someone, especially since you still can't afford a therapist quite yet with the catching up you're doing on your savings. But you doubt the robot was built with any level of therapy coding for the children in mind, so you worry that it might have a negative effect on his processing software.

Still, you were planning on confessing your literally crush to them sometime soon, so you might as well get comfortable with expressing your feelings now.

"Well," you start, sitting up so that you no longer have your face buried away where he can't see you properly. His red eyes stare down at you expectantly, so you turn your head away before continuing. "Like I said, I've always had to deal with things alone..."

For the next half hour, you delve into the dark corners of your past, enlightening the animatronic jester about some of your traumas. You talk about your negative self talk, your absent parents, and even go into a bit of detail about your self esteem issues. You get so wrapped up in explaining the details of why and how you are the way that you are, that you don't even notice Moon's hand gravitate to your hip, holding you steadily in place while you flail your arms animatedly.

"The hardest part about everything was the loneliness," you say, slowing your talking to look down at the grooves in your palms. "I wasn't ever taught how to do anything. I always felt like a failure, and nobody was in my dark corner to tell me to just open the curtains and let the light in." Moon's head makes the same clicky sound it had earlier as he processes your analogy. "I know that some of my habits are horrible, but I justify them by telling myself that it could be so much worse. Even though I also know that isn't how it works."

Moon brings his hands up and into yours, so you look up at him. "Starlight," he starts, but the nickname makes you look away and cut him off.

"Why do you call me that?" Your voice is harsher than you meant it to be, but you can't help it. While all of this talking has been helpful for you, there is still that stupid voice in the back of your head screaming that the brothers had absolutely no interest in you or any of the things spilling from your mouth.

Moon lists his head to the side slightly, seemingly taken aback by your sudden change of pace. "I call all of the people we care about 'starlight,'" he says, and you feel your stomach drop.

So, they really didn't care about you like that?

It was always just a nickname. Programmed into him for the children. Probably just as "Sunbite" was for his solar opposite. Did that mean that they only saw you as another child to take care of? Because you can't do any of this on your own? Because you suck at taking care of yourself? Is that why you were here and he was consoling you? Because their programming won't allow for a crying child to go unnoticed?

Moon seems to recognize the look on your face being that of the beginnings of your negative spiral, so he instead whispers your name. You can't help the way that your heart still flutters at the sound of it, which only makes tears sting your eyes again as he speaks. "Life is about balance." He lifts his hands up, teetering them up and down to simulate a scale. "There will always be bad things that happen - to you, to your friends and family, and to strangers." One of his arms drops down lower while the other raises up. "Adding onto those bad things by speaking negatively to yourself and feeding into the bad thoughts will only continue to weigh you down. But if you begin to take care of yourself-" He brings his hands back to being level. "You'll start to feel like you can handle all of the bad. But you can only do that if you allow yourself time to offload those bad things."

You stare up into the unblinking red eyes of the lunar animatronic. Balance. Like the sun and the moon. One energetic and fast paced and loud. The other leisurely and soft spoken and gentle. Maybe Moon was right. You had been so focused on all of the good things happening recently that you assumed the bad things were all gone. But in actuality, you were just ignoring them.

Embarrassment makes you suddenly well aware of your compromising position with Moon, so you scramble down from his lap and hug your knees to your chest. "I guess I still have a lot to work on, huh?" you half-joke, looking at the pillows before you.

"Doesn't everyone?" Moon counters. "Speaking of work, I'm going to go back out to the children. Feel free to join me whenever you're ready, Starlight." And with that, he leaves the pillow fort, sticking you with your own thoughts in the deafening quiet of the tent.

You feel awful. Nothing really came from the last half hour besides a sad theory and the realization that you are still not okay. And after all of the things you've been doing, it was kind of hard to believe that you hadn't been okay this whole time. You felt okay the last few days, but then this?

You check the time on your Fazwatch and decide to head out of the tent to clock back in. You still have to read the booklet on your new responsibilities with the jesters, so you make sure to grab it before rejoining Moon. Hopefully you can take your mind off of all of the freshly reopened mind wounds by learning about your new responsibilities.

"Sun was telling me that you're our new handler," he says as soon as you sit down. You roll your eyes.

"I don't actually know if this is long term or if it's temporary. So don't get your hopes up," you admit, repeating the same thing you told his opposite earlier. You flip open the first page of the instruction booklet, which is actually an entire paper full of small-scale, neat font listing the terms of a rather lengthy disclaimer. A lot of 'if you die, you can't sue us' bullshit that you really didn't care about. So you flip to the next page and are surprised to be met with an actual table of contents.

The first chapter is a fairly easy read, showing you each part of the animatronic and the respective names and functions of said part. Moon seems slightly uncomfortable at the diagrams before you, shifting his eyes away from the booklet often as if grimacing. "You know, I can continue to read this at the desk, if you'd like?" you offer, using a finger to hold your place while shutting the booklet. He hesitates.

"Well, it's not so much that I don't like that you're reading it," he says, still avoiding looking in your direction. "It's just... embarrassing, I think?" His statement sounds more like a question with the uneasy quiver of his voice, so you smile up at him gently.

"I understand completely, Moon. I couldn't imagine how vulnerable this probably makes you feel, which is why I'm offering to read it later or back at the desk." Moon just shrugs in response, so you check the page number and set the booklet aside anyways.

The rest of the naptime routine goes by normally - or, as normally as it can given that you were mentally and emotionally exhausted because of your earlier breakdown. By the time you have to clock out for the end of your shift, you feel the physical effects of having emptied all of your pent up emotions, prompting Moon to send you off with strict instructions to rest once you arrived at home.

You didn't need him to tell you that. You were obviously going to crash out as soon as your body hit the bed.

*****

A/N: Hihiii :3 Okay, when I tell y'all that this chapter was incredibly hard to write, I mean it took two weeks for me to finish it. And I still kind of hate it lmaooo

But! That doesn't matter now, does it? It's here, and I hope y'all enjoyed it! I have some more ideas in world building that will give this story a bit more depth, but ehhh I don't know if I'll apply them this late into the story. We'll see, I guess.

Anyways, stay tuned because this is the cutoff point for kinda boring setup things heheh~ As always, likes, comments, kudos, and reposts are greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Stay sweet, my lovelies~

Taglist: @senyahgirl @rose-blot @sunyandmony (message me or comment to be added!)

#fnaf #fnaf au #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf dca #fnaf moon #fnaf sb #moondrop #fnaf sun #sundrop #daycare attendant #yandere #sun and moon x reader #sun x reader #moon x reader #yandere sundrop #yandere moondrop #yandere sun #yandere moon #kikiwritesfanfic

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