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thisblogisaboutabook · 8 months ago

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Rainy Season - Part 4

All You Ever

Azriel reflects on his past mistake including the night with Elain. Cassian makes a huge mistake.

A/N: Before reading this chapter please know that I am not condoning cheating or the actions of Azriel or Elain. I do not feel sorry for either of them in any way. I simply enjoy adding a little complexity to the story and selfishly love sprinkling in chaos. Also this is not proofread, I’m exhausted.

And for cauldron’s sake, please just trust the process before yelling at me!!! This is just one chapter from the two biggest idiots involved, not the whole story.

Part 3 Part 5

Warnings: Not proofread, Alcohol, Language, Unintentional ingestion of an aphrodisiac leading to sex

Azriel

He may have been a fucking idiot but Azriel’s self-awareness was painfully acute. His scar riddled hands were forever tainted with the essence of blood that even her plush lips couldn’t kiss away, his angel mate. What a cruel joke the cauldron had played the day that bond snapped between them. She was resplendent in sun shrouded glory and he was the devil who dragged her down. Just selfish enough to ignore the warning bells that he’d one day fuck it all up, just selfish enough to pull her away from her home and covet her within the walls of Velaris. In the beginning, he’d fought so hard to deserve her though she’d never asked him to. She wanted only him and knew he was unworthy of her, he always had been. It was exhausting - the mask. Constantly trying to hide from her that dark, sadistic side of him that was everything opposite of what she was.

She saw through it, of course. She always had. All she wanted was him, all of him. Begging him to show her beyond the good of him at surface level, she wanted all of his self-proclaimed bad too. She’d told him that dozens of times over the years but dropping that mask meant unpacking so much - so much more ugly than even he was prepared to reveal to himself.

At some point he began to resent her and he knew it wasn’t fair. He resented his perfect, pure, untainted mate. Wasn’t it ironic that she’d shown him everything beneath her own surface numerous times, unveiled that she herself was not the Angel he placed her on a pedestal as. She’d shown him everything and he still viewed her through that near-holy lense.

If only he could have put his stubbornness, his self-loathing aside and realized she would have done the same for him. It was too late for that now.

And now I'm without you, and it took distance to see that losing you, means losing everything

————

Something had been wrong for a while. He ignored it assuming that perhaps it was a mental blockade erected by a combination of fatigue and work tensions. He’d slowly distanced himself from his mate. He knew it hurt her, it hurt him too. His intentions were genuine, sparing her the pain of his own inner turmoil by distancing himself while he worked through it. He was simultaneously aware that he was a fucking bastard for doing so, she deserved an explanation but he couldn’t give it to her yet. He justified it as the lesser of two evils.

Unsurprisingly, the mating bond is a fickle thing. As he distanced himself, a chasm of emptiness opened within him that he’d desperately tried to fill with missions and various courtly duties. Training with the Valkyries helped, being there for Elain through her own struggles….

He took his duty to help her seriously, though it technically was not a duty even assigned to him. A distraction. It was a distraction. Ever the spymaster he spent their initial time together observing her, the things that brought a little bit of life back to those once bright eyes.

He’d sun his wings while she gardened and read across from her in the study, little things so she’d know she wasn’t alone. Eventually she began talking again. At first just a comment here or there but then there was communication, getting to know each other, small talk eventually becoming deeper topics. He learned of her resentment of the choice she felt was ripped from her, left with no time to mourn the loss of her mortal life or consider the implications on her relationship with Graysen because of it.

Not to mention the shock that one of the faces she blamed for being damned to the cauldron, one of the first faces she saw coming out of it was her mate and she was just supposed to accept it? Over time, Elain became a friend. A bright spot to the numbness created by the self-imposed gap between he and his mate. His mate….

It had taken some time to realize that he wasn’t feeling her through the bond, when was the last time he’d felt her? It was becoming fainter and fainter, more faint than it even should be with distance. He’d send feelings to her on occasion. A little spark of joy when he saw a lovely sunset or the moments when his desire for his mate heated his blood so thoroughly he had no choice but to excuse himself for relief by his hand.

He needed her to know he cared, he desired her, he loved her. A little time and space to collect everything he needed to bring to the surface, to give her all of him. He left her feeling like she wasn’t enough but she was everything. He just needed space.

Until she gave him space.

The devastation on her face the day she asked him to leave. Gods, damn him and the hurtful things he’d said. They’d be ingrained in his mind for the rest of his days along with the sound of her sobs as she fell apart before him. He’d done that to his mate. He was responsible for those tears. All because he’d been too selfish and prideful to share all of himself with her.

So, he left. She’d allowed him so much space, he could give her this.

I wish I could love you and make you believe it. It’s all you ever wanted from me

———-

The night with Elain

He couldn’t make it through dinner sober. Rhys insisted everyone get together at the River House for a friendly night of debauchery. Pouring himself a double shot of whiskey, he considered telling Cassian to send Rhys his regards and hole up in the house of wind for the remainder of the night. It was either, go to dinner and deal with all of the questions of “Where is y/n?” and “Why isn’t y/n here?” or deal with Cassian’s well-intentioned but annoying attempts of pressuring him into going, followed by a pout when he’d stand his ground on staying in, and then the inevitable intrusion from Rhys inquiring why he wouldn’t come to dinner.

He loved his chosen family dearly but they were busybodies through and through. All he wanted was to pass the time until he saw his mate tomorrow.

Begrudgingly he threw back his glass, poured another double, then headed to the River House.

Time moved slowly when all there was to do was dwell.

What had happened? He flew slowly to the River House. Going out of his way to circle far overhead of his true home, where his mate was. Was she waiting for him inside? Was she in town? Why couldn’t he feel her? Silence. Just as it had been for months. But the emotions he’d seen in her, they were so real. Shouldn’t they have sparked something in the bond?

As Azriel approached the River House he’d come to the conclusion that tonight he’d inform Elain he’d no longer be able to visit with her as he had been. He’d neglected his mate for far too long, this past week had given him the clarity needed to go home and give his mate his all. He could slowly open up to her, he could do it.

He just needed to make it through the night.

The night went by as usual. Good food, laughter, flowing liquor. He heavily indulged himself in the liquor anything to numb the impatience in waiting for tomorrow.

Feyre and Rhys sat closely together on a lounge, Feyre leaning into him, staring up at him like the stars in the sky.

Cassian and Nesta spent the entire time making bedroom eyes at one another, Cassian whispering dirty promises into Nesta’s ear that made even the queen of smut herself blush, Nesta taking any opportunity to brush her body against his in passing.

Gods, they were so in love it made him sick.

“Home.” He told himself.

“Soon.”

As the evening wound down, Cassian insisted everyone do shots to close out the evening. He was drunk enough that he stumbled carrying in the tray of shots and let out a battle cry of victory over the fact that he managed to not spill any of the liquor.

Azriel should have flown back to the House of Wind a while ago but he needed to talk to Elain.

Nuala and Cerridwen had been on duty with Nyx for the evening, compensated well to work overnight in case he awoke, giving Rhys and Feyre the now rare opportunity to go out to Rita’s. Mor, of course, drug Emerie along and went with them. Given that Amren would rather stick pins in her eyes than go out, she and Varian opted to go back to her place.

Azriel should have gone there, gone back to the River House, gone home and slept in the doorway until his mate let him in.

But he was so drunk. There was no way he was flying anywhere tonight.

Cassian and Nesta brought out a final round of shots. Elain winced, scrunching her nose as she threw it back. Azriel thought she’d be able to take her liquor better by now. Cassian and Nesta waggled their eyebrows suggestively at eachother before throwing theirs back. And damn, if Azriel didn’t wince when he took his shot too. That shit was awful. Had they drank through all of Rhysand’s good liquor? Did Cassian dig this out from the bottom shelf?

Once Cassian and Nesta left for the House of Wind, Azriel took the empty glasses to the kitchen, cleaning up a few of the remaining dishes throughout the seating area on the way. He barely made it into the kitchen before his head began spinning. That last shot had done him in. He couldn’t even remember the time last he’d been blackout drunk. Two centuries ago, maybe?

He still needed to find Elain.

The stairs felt longer and far less steady than usual, taking him more time than he cared to admit to make it up them. His hands felt tingly on the banister and damn, it was hot in the River House. No, he touched his face, flushed and hot to the touch. He was hot.

The tingling was simultaneously uncomfortable and pleasurable, spreading over his body with haste as he neared closer to Elain’s room.

He caught a glimpse of her and her scent hit him like a ton of bricks. Had she always smelled this good?

His breathing increased, nostrils flaring as he took in her scent and fuck - he was hard. It was too late to not say anything now as she stared at him expectantly. The stars in his vision cleared and all he could see was her, zeroed in on her fluttering pulse, those delicate features.

He needed to leave.

He just needed to - shit, what had he come here to say?

Azriel’s shadows whirled reminding him of his mate. His mate. He needed to go to his mate.

He needed to tell Elain something. He couldn’t think straight.

“Elain…”

And that was when she lunged at him.

Well is it too late, and are you too far to turn around and let me be

——————————

Elain

There was nothing the Cauldron loved more than Elain Archeron.

There was nothing the Cauldron hated more than Elain Archeron.

A thin line between the two, really.

She’d spend the rest of her life groveling for what conspired on that night. She never intended to sleep with him. She never, ever intended to hurt Y/N.

She remembered drinking more than usual.

She remembered Azriel finding her in the hallway.

She remembered a sudden rush of warmth, first from her chest, seeping outward through her extremities, low into her stomach and lower, lower.

She remembered Azriel having something important to tell her. She could feel nothing but heat. Her heart racing, breath becoming rapid.

Azriel’s pupils were blown wide, his nostrils flaring. Like every single sense was hyper aware of her state. His arousal wafted through the air, his irresistible cedar and chilled mist scent clinging to her like an expensive cologne.

They were so very intoxicated.

They couldn’t do this. If she’d been sober and unaffected by whatever was running through her veins, she would have left. Immediately.

She wasn’t one to wreck a home and Azriel loved his mate so, so much. The way he talked about her, it made Elain jealous. Not of them, not of her. Only jealous that Elain herself had struggled so hard to feel anything toward her own mate for so long. Lucien who played a role in her loss of humanity, Lucien who would do anything to make it up to her, Lucien who never meant for it to happen, who tried so hard to help her, to connect with her, who wanted nothing more than to love her. Lucien.

Then why was it Azriel? Azriel who was standing in front of her clearly affected by her, trying his damndest not to be. Why was she so drawn to him? A mated male.

Was she sweating? It was so hot. Her breasts ached and her blood thrummed through her veins so voraciously that she was certain she’d bleed out at any minute. And if Azriel could see beneath her gown right now, he’d see how tightly her thighs were squeezed together. How desperately she needed release and by the tightness in his pants - she knew he was in the same state.

“Elain…” Azriel spoke. His breath ragged.

And all it took was her name rolling off of his lips for her to close the distance. One kiss. She just needed one kiss to remind herself that this was wrong. To run the other way.

And it only took one kiss to remind her how much the cauldron loved her. How much it hated her.

The moment when she felt the mating bond snap between her and Azriel.

The alcohol, the liquor, the heat, the bond. A lethal combination leading to the biggest mistake of her life.

The night she’d fucked Azriel.

She could never let him know about the bond.

—————————-

Elain woke up with a brutal headache. She would have killed for some headache power. Her room was dark, shadows deepening the onyx black of night as slivers of moonlight lined the edges of her curtains. Still nighttime, then.

Her surroundings slowly came into focus, awareness sharpening as a soft sound caught her attention. Swiftly she turned her head to find Azriel asleep on the other side of her bed.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

This couldn’t have happened.

What had she done?

She threw on her dress and tip-toed out of the room in a state of panic. She was a sensible female. She knew too well the pain of losing Graysen, a human male, not her spouse, not her mate. But still, his rejection had hurt like hell. Elain would never sleep with another woman- female’s mate. No.

She paced through the library, back and forth, back and forth, praying she didn’t wake anyone up. The walls were closing in on her. This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.

Oh gods.

And the mating bond. How?

Her chest was tight, she couldn’t catch a full breath. She needed out.

Before she could stop herself, Elain fled into the empty street with no destination in mind. Anywhere but here, anywhere but the bed where she’d likely obliterated a marriage. She’d certainly obliterated her dignity.

The starlight illuminated streets of Velaris were endless, winding through alleys and lanes. In her panicked state, Elain had no clue where her feet were taking her as she blindly followed her gut. It wasn’t until she was in front of the door that she realized her heart had made its choice. It knew exactly who to go to, she only prayed it wasn’t too late.

She took a shaky inhale and raised a hand to knock but the door flew open revealing a shirtless Lucien, his bare, muscled chest heaving. “I felt you coming.” He gasped. “Through the bond.”

—————-

Azriel

The sun’s rays illuminated the edge of the curtains. Azriel’s stomach was tight, nausea from the previous night’s alcohol overwhelming him. His bed felt colder than usual, more stiff.

He looked around to find that he’d never left the River House. He was…

He was in Elain’s room.

“Oh, fuck!” He sobbed to himself as the previous night came pouring back to him. Setting his face in his palms, he cried. What the fuck had he done?

Azriel bathed, desperately scrubbing Elain off of him. By the time he was through, his skin was an angry red. He snuck out of the River House, flying to a grassy knoll high above Velaris. The spot where he and Y/N had first made love, where the bond snapped, where he’d proposed. He shifted uncomfortably as he tried to get comfortable, the unease settling in. It was blasphemy to desecrate such a sacred spot with his shame.

“What do I do now?” He asked aloud, the only response the whipping of the wind around him. He didn’t understand what had overcome him. He’d never been so “effected” before, even in his drunkest moments. Once Elain’s lips met his, his brain had shut down, nothing else mattered but the feel of skin on skin. His body needed release and acted on pure primal instinct.

And now, he had a decision to make. He could go home and lay it all out, slightly easing the guilt of holding in his greatest sin while completely and utterly destroying his mate.

Or, he could go home. Show his mate all of the love that he had been withholding for too long now, sweep her off her feet, take care of her and start opening up. Give her his all, even the ugly parts that he kept so deeply hidden.

Gods, she’d given him so many chances and he’d let her down at every turn. There were no excuses for the way he had treated her.

All she’d ever wanted was him, all of him, including those sides he’d never wanted her to see.

Now he could only go home and love her. Love her with everything he had and pray she believed it.

———————-

6 months after Y/N left

Azriel looked in a hallway mirror on his way to Rhysand’s study. Dark circles hallowed out his under eyes. The drink he’d had prior to flying down here did nothing to numb the violent ache within his heart. Would it ever quell? Would this puncture wound ever heal?

It wouldn’t. And he didn’t know if he wanted it to. He was a bastard and deserved every ounce of this isolated misery. Trapped in a prison of his own making. The ache in his chest a constant reminder of the love he’d squandered. And for what? A meaningless night with a pretty female. Had he not had enough of those nights in his life?

Not that Elain would speak to him. Though she had apologized, countless times. It didn’t matter. As far as he was concerned, he was the only one to blame. Occasionally he’d catch Lucien’s assessing glare, an infuriating blend of contempt and pity etched into his features. Azriel didn’t know which he hated more, he didn’t deserve pity.

Azriel’s skin had sallowed. Had he ever been this pale before? And the bargain tattoo on his arm. Fuck, he hated it. After his third attempt to infiltrate the Summer Court, Rhysand gave Azriel the option of a cell in the Hewn City or a bargain.

Ironically the bargain served as a prison of its own. He was not allowed to go anywhere near the Summer Court or communicate with Y/N in any way. The only method of communication he was able to find a loophole with was the tugs on the bond. He’d pull and pull, nothing.

If only he could try to explain, apologize, anything.

Breaking his gaze from the shell of a male in the mirror, Azriel stepped toward the study.

Cassian’s booming laugh barreled through the cracked open door.

“Trust me, Feyre will love it. I’m sure you guys could use a little spark at the end of the day. You’ll be rolling in the sheets all night.”

Rhys only chuckled.

Cassian continued, “Tastes nasty as hell though. Here’s an extra vial, just in case. The first time Nes and I tried it, it didn’t work. Not sure why.”

Azriel let out a huff, stepping into the study. Cassian and Rhys ceasing their conversation in his presence. They’d been painstakingly obvious in not talking about their mates or anything relationship related in front of him since his mate had left. He refused to speak to anyone about why she left, too embarrassed to admit to this bed of his own making. They knew it was his fault and that was all that mattered.

Azriel scowled. “You don’t have to stop talking about your mates just because I’m around.”

Cassian awkwardly raised his arm, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry brother. We just don’t want to make things harder for you than they have been.”

“Considerate.” Azriel sneered, jerking his head toward the vials. “What are those anyway?”

Cassian smirked, “Oh, just some aphrodisiac potions from a new apothecary in Velaris. Really powerful shit. Nes and I-“ Rhys elbowed Cassian. A warning to not take the conversation too far. They could talk of their happy relationships without absolutely rubbing Azriel’s face in it.

Cassian quieted for a moment before continuing. “It tastes gods awful but the payoff is totally worth it. Remember those shots we took after everyone left dinner several months ago? We mixed it into Nes and I’s glasses and didn’t notice the taste. Didn’t work either though. Must’ve been a dud. Lady at the shop gave us a replacement vial the next time we were in and…. well, let’s just say we keep it in stock at the House of Wind now.”

Azriel went preternaturally still. His shadows growing angry as he ground out, “The night you two did a parting shot with me and Elain?”

“Uh…… yeah?” Cassian replied.

And before Cassian could realize what he’d done, Azriel pummeled him. Hauling him out the study doors and onto the lawn, not even making it to the sparring ring before his fists met Cassian’s face - the two Illyrians disappearing into a frenzy of fists and feet and glowing siphons.

The only sound over the impact of their hits and feral growls was Cassian’s confused, booming voice. “What the FUCK, Az!?”

————————————————

A/N: I am sorry for giving you an entire chapter of Azriel and Elain content but I will make it up to you with fluffy Eris and reader content in the next chapter!!!

@going-through-shit @kalulakunundrum @lisanna2000 @fxckmiup @sheblogs @emryb @one-big-fangirl @historygeekqueen @isa1b2h3 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @theravenphoenix26 @sidthedollface2 @i-am-infinite @caraaaaugh @evergreenlark @darkbloodsly @piceous21 @anxious-study @chessebookgirl @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @crazylokonugget @mysticalfuncollectorus @starsinyourseyes @b0xerdancer-writes @inloveallthetime

#sarah j maas #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #a court of silver flames #a court of frost and starlight #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #eventual Eris x reader #Elain #Cassian #Nesta #nessian #acotar x hunter hayes #inspired by a Hunter hayes song #all you ever #rainy season

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synnamonroll666 · 1 year ago

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Wicked Temptation

Pairing: Josh Washington x Fem!Reader Description: You decided to stay in the shed with Josh until dawn, letting Chris and Mike go back to the lodge for some much needed rest. But Josh knows a little secret that you've been hiding for a couple years and unfortunately for you, Josh has no mercy to spare tonight... Warnings: Mutual Pining, Mild Violence, Thigh Riding, Grinding, Edging, Humiliation, Degradation, Strip Tease, BlowJob (Male And Female Receiving), Cock Warming, Teasing, P In V, Creampie, Switch!Josh, Switch!Reader, Bondage??? Shibari??? I Don't Know, I Just Went All Out With This One. 😅 Word Count: 10k!!!!! A/N: This is not only my very first Josh Washington smut fic, but it's also the first time I've ever written a fic 10k words long! I've been working on this since January and let me tell you, it's been a struggle to finish it. It started out as some 2k idea but then I decided, since I was changing fandoms, I might as well go big for my first smut fic for Josh. I've put a lot of work into it between editing it dozens of times and watching that shed scene probably billions of times to get the lines correct. Since I have taken so long to write it and put so much effort into it, it's kind of like my baby now and I'm so excited to share it with all of you. As some of you know, I've been going through quite a lot of shit lately but focusing on this has helped me greatly, and that's another reason why this fic means so much to me. So here's to new beginning, because there will definitely be more of this good stuff to come in the future too! Enjoy! 🖤 Main MasterList: 🖤 Synny's Angels: @lorebite, @mornandil, @koexchange, @yesitsloulou, @mistmoose, @jasonexo, @fortune-fool02, and @raven-the-cryptid. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

I followed closely behind Chris and Mike, who had their hands full with a very uncooperative Josh. It had been one hell of a night. First I got chased around by some demented psychopath, then I found a video of my crush of five years being sawed in two; and then I found out that he was actually the psycho all along and he possibly killed one of my close friends, Jessica. I was exhausted, but at least the deadly grip of the cold mountain air around my frame did help to wake me up a bit. I could only think positively at this point. It was the only way to stay sane.

But unfortunately, that did not last long as my thoughts continued to wander down a darker path. It was as if I wasn't even there at all. I had transitioned from reality and found myself trapped within my own racing mind, desperately looking for answers to clarify just what happened on this horrific night. But after a few minutes, Josh yelling in pain brought me out of my dark thoughts.

"Come on, guys…" He whined as his eyes pleaded to us with a look of remorse and guilt. "Seriously — this is crazy, you know?"

"Shut up." Mike spat sternly as he pushed him along the snowy path. It would have looked so beautiful if this was just a late night walk in the woods.

But this wasn't just some late night walk…

Did I feel good about what we were doing? No. But was it necessary? Yes.

I always knew that Josh had some mental health issues since his sisters went missing — I mean, who wouldn't become some level of fucked up from that happening to two people you love. But this — this was something different, and I was beginning to feel very concerned for Josh and our safety.

But as sympathetic as I was towards Josh regarding that situation, it still didn't take away the sting of what he did tonight; especially since me, Chris and Sam had nothing to do with the events that occurred one year ago.

Still — despite the judgmental glares he was given — Josh wasn't going to give up on trying to convince us to free him.

"Chris… Bro…" Josh's eyes met Chris' as he begged for him to have some sort of mercy. After all, they had been best friends since children. But to his surprise, Chris looked away.

"I'm not your bro." Chris spoke lowly in a disappointed tone. And at that moment, I saw Josh's heart break through his eyes. He looked so lost and saddened by Chris' words that it made me want to cry.

Without warning, Mike grabbed Josh's forearm and began pushing him further down the path again, despite Josh digging his heels in the snow to stop him. Josh was a lot bigger than Mike and a lot taller, too. But in this case, Mike's strength won. I figured Josh was weakened due to the blow he took to the head when Mike pistol whipped him.

"Where are we going?" Josh asked — his voice now frantic and full of worry. I could see that he was beginning to panic. "Where are you guys taking me?"

"Locking you up, bro!" Mike revealed as he pushed Josh onto the ground. I wanted to help him back up, since he was tied up and couldn't just simply push himself back to his feet. But I had to hold back; it probably wasn't safe to go near him anyway…

"What?!" Josh shrieked as he struggled to get back up, succeeding after a very weak attempt.

"So you can't do anything stupid before we call the police in the morning."

I couldn't help but agree with Mike's words. It hurt to do, but he was right. Josh was so unpredictable right now, so it was better for all of our safety and Josh's as well, that he got locked up for the rest of the night.

"Come on!" He cried out in another desperate attempt to convince us that he's just an innocent victim in all this. "I didn't do anything—"

"Are you serious, bro?" Despite the dramatic and stressful situation, I literally had to hold back laughter as I remembered Chris declaring only seconds ago that he was no longer his 'bro'.

But that moment was short-lived when Mike piped in…

"You're a God damn murderer is what you are!" He raised his voice as he pushed Josh down once again, his stance becoming dominant and intimidating as he towered over Josh.

I didn't agree with him there. I just couldn't see Josh going as far as killing Jessica. And when Mike told us what had happened — it didn't make sense nor did anything add up. Though I disagreed, I chose to stay silent, not wanting any more fights to occur.

"I didn't do it!" Josh cried as he stood up again. His sorrowful eyes burrowed into Mike's, hoping that he would believe him. "Michael, please! Just listen to me, man! I did not hurt Jessica—"

"Are you insane?!" Chris yelled unexpectedly, surprising us all since he had been fairly quiet for a little while now. "Like really? Do you not understand what you've done?!"

"I'm a healer, man! I bring people together!" Josh's voice began to rise with each word he said, clearly getting frustrated by this whole situation as well. I couldn't blame him… "Not like you assholes!"

His last sentence… It hurt my heart. I had been there for him — I was the one who was there. It made me clench my teeth along with my fists to resist the urge to do something I may have regretted later on.

"That's enough!" Mike finally put his foot down, having enough of Josh's bullshit. But just when I thought it was over — just when I thought that Josh would shut up and we would just get this shit over with, he began to approach me…

"(Y/N)…" He whimpered like a hurt puppy, his sad eyes didn't help either. "Please… You know I wouldn't harm any of you…"

"Josh…" I whined, my voice breaking before I could say anything else. He was only inches away from me now — his face so damn close to mine that I could feel his shaky breath on my cold-bitten skin. Any other day, the warmth would have felt nice on such a cold night. He lowered his head so his mouth was right by my ear.

"Please," he whispered softly. "You know me…"

"That's it!" Merely two seconds after Mike's enraged voice was heard, he was pulling Josh away from me as he begged and cried for my forgiveness. I felt a couple of tears escape my eyes and slowly fall down my cheek, so all I did was look away to hide my pain.

It had only been a peaceful snowfall when we arrived — peaceful like how the night began. But now it was colder, more hectic; a storm much like the one that had erupted during the events of the night. Nothing was peaceful anymore, and I was beginning to wonder if it ever would be again.

"You only see what you wanna see! You're blind!" Josh's rant brought me out of my thoughts again to see Mike pinning Josh face down on the ground. I tried to step in — worried that one of them would get hurt — but Chris put his arm in front of me to stop me from interfering. I knew he was only looking out for me, but it frustrated me greatly.

"Stop talking!" Mike ordered angrily.

"You are— Argh—" Josh struggled to speak as he continued writhing against Mike's hold — but once again, Mike's strength overpowered him.

"Dude!" Chris yelled at Mike, since he was now going too far with his little intimidation tactics. I was glad that at least Chris decided to step in, since he wouldn't allow me to.

"It's not my fault you suckers can't take a joke!" Josh spat bitterly at the three of us and I clenched my fists again until there were angry crescents engraved in my palms, resisting the urge to take advantage of him being pinned on the ground.

"Oh, oh, wait — did I hurt you?" Mike asked when Josh grunted out in pain. Something told me that he didn't care about Josh's well-being though. "Did you just feel a little — little bit of pain right now? I am so, so sorry!"

Mike began pushing Josh's arms into his lower back, causing him to yell out in agony. "Stop it!"

"Mike, please — don't!" I cried out, not wanting any more people to get hurt. I couldn't take it.

"Jesus, dude!" Chris said in disapproval of Mike's actions while Josh continued to yell, "Stop!"

Luckily, Mike listened and lifted Josh back up to his knees.

"Michael… I'm sorry, man…" There was something so genuine in Josh's voice as he spoke — something that only convinced me further that Josh didn't do it… He didn't kill Jessica… "I can't tell you how sorry I am that something happened to Jessica but I swear — I swear to you that I have no idea what happened to her!"

"Shit… Mike, this…" Chris muttered lowly — a look of uncertainty clear on his face as he furrowed his brows."I dunno… Something feels really wrong here, man…"

"Are you joking?" Mike turned around. He looked shocked and… Angry at Chris?

"I–I'm just having a really hard time figuring out that he would — like — do anything to hurt Jess…" Chris explained in a calm manner, despite the look of distress his face held. He clearly didn't want to upset Mike but I knew he felt that this was important enough to bring up.

"Mike…" I spoke up, approaching him slowly. "Did you actually see him murder her? How did he butcher her like you said and drag her away at a speed that you couldn't catch up on at the same time?"

"I saw what he did to her with my own eyes! This—" Mike gestured to his jacket, which was stained with blood. "This is her blood!"

"It just… Something doesn't add up…" I muttered as I backed away slowly.

"Can't we all just get along?" Josh giggled and his change in attitude — his sudden lack of sympathy shocked me. Mike began pulling him to his feet and he winced in pain. "Ow! Dammit!"

"We are not dicking around!" Mike growled in his ear — his tone threatening and harsh.

"This is not right… Nope…" Josh muttered as his brows furrowed together — a sudden disappointment darkening his once sorry eyes. "This is not how it's supposed to go down! You are just a bunch of bullies!"

We all chose to ignore his insults as Mike continued to push him closer to the shed door. My patience was wearing thin and I was honestly getting more and more sick of Josh's shit. And the way he had just reacted to Mike's accusations… It was leading me down another path — the path that told me Josh was guilty…

"You can't just hang out a guy to dry like this, guys… Huh?" He continued to ramble on, putting on what seemed to be a fake, wounded animal act again. "Not like… Not like you got the guts to do anything about it anyway!"

Mike snapped again and pushed him onto the ground once more, only this time a blanket of snow wasn't there to break his fall, since we were now in the shed.

"Oh, stuff it! You're the biggest coward there is!" Chris snarled at Josh, his brows knitted together due to frustration and resentment towards his best — ex-best friend.

"Uh huh?" Josh scoffed. "I did something! I made you believe in the world I created and showed you parts of yourself that you were too afraid to visit!

I couldn't help but shake my head at Josh's gloating while I wondered what had happened to that remorseful, empathetic guy that was here only moments ago.

"You manipulated us, you tricked us, you hurt your friends and you did it all while you hid in the shadows! You're a coward, Josh! That's all you are!" Chris yelled, showing that he officially had enough of Josh's crap. And by that point, I was sure that we all had.

Mike grabbed Josh again, pulled him up and dragged him further into the shed. Once my eyes landed on the stool that was sitting in front of a beam, I knew what was coming. Mike and Chris forced Josh down onto the stool and began unting his hands to retie them around the beam instead. They both told me to stay back but it was hard to do so once they began to hold Josh down and he became erratic as a result.

"Ok, tying me up now! Ok!" Josh acknowledged what they were doing as if he was accepting it, but his body language told me otherwise as he continued to thrash and writhe against his restraints.

"Stay still, man!" Mike demanded as both he and Chris struggled to hold him down and tie his hands back up.

"Right, right, right, right… Still…" Josh parroted and for a brief moment, I thought he was finally going to cooperate…

Man, was I wrong…

"Well, c–can't tie 'em up if they just wiggle around!" Josh shouted as he began squirming around like a child who refused to stay still during time-out.

"Josh, come on!" Chris snarled as he fought Josh to stay still long enough for them to wrap the ropes around his wrists.

"Leave me a little wiggle room, huh?!" Josh continued to squirm as he began to giggle like an immature, defiant little brat. I am ashamed to admit it, but it was painfully hard repressing a giggle of my own at that moment.

"What will it take to shut you up?!" Mike yelled, clearly getting more and more annoyed by the second.

"Ow! Not so tight, ok?! Not so tight, ok…" Josh whined as he winced in pain. Although I doubted that the pain was as severe as he let on.

Then Josh started rambling about plastic ties or something and I zoned out, wondering what was really wrong with him. He clearly wasn't his self anymore and he seemed very, very unhinged at the moment. And then I remembered when Chris said that he was off his meds… He must have been a lot more sick than I thought, and for a lot longer too.

"What… In God's name is he talking about?" Mike muttered to Chris, who was looking as equally confused as both of us.

Chris brought his hand up to his face to rub the bridge of his nose while letting out a stressed sigh. "This is hard to watch…"

"He ever say this kind of shit before?"

"No, I've never seen him like this."

"Maybe he needs some help?" I suggested while glancing over at Josh out of the corner of my eye. "Like, help from a professional."

"Everybody's stupid… Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…" Josh muttered under his breath, moving on from the plastic tie rant and catching all of our attention. "Chris and Ash… Chris is an ass. Ashley's a dumb-dumb!"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?!" Chris raised his voice slightly as the features of his face contorted with anger. He stepped closer to Josh, who had an obnoxious smirk plastered on his bruised face.

"Well, I said you're a dummy, dummy!" Josh laughed and the mocking sound made Chris' fingers curl into fists.

"What is wrong with you?" Chris asked, clenching his fists so tight that the skin on his knuckles turned pale. I wanted to step in, but just as I took a step forward to insert myself between the two, Mike looked in my direction and shook his head.

"Oh, Ashley… Oh…" Josh sighed as his voice trailed off into a breathless whisper as if he began to zone out. But unfortunately, that didn't last long. "Oh, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that you liked me!" He teased in a mocking tone as his smirk broadened with pride in the way he was taunting his friend.

"Stop." Chris warned and Josh started to make obnoxious kissing noises at Chris.

"Do you know what that sound is? It's the sound of never kissing Ashley, you pussy!"

"Stop!" Chris warned again, rasing his voice louder than before.

"Yeah, you know? Maybe you should let Mike sleep with Jess! I mean, at least he's got some notches in his belt! He'll treat! Her! Right!" With each word in his last sentence, he thrusted his hips in the air as if he was trying to fuck it. I couldn't peel my eyes away. My mind began to wonder what it would feel like if he was thrusting into me that way — how his cock would feel slamming into me at that angle.

"You're fucking pathetic, Christopher!" Josh yelled, knocking me out of my little fantasy.

"I'm going to beat his fucking head in!" Chris growled while winding back the wooden plank he was holding, as if he was actually going to do it.

"Chris! No!" I yelled without even giving it a thought, worried that he was serious.

"Don't listen to him! Not worth it!" Mike said as he put his hand up to get Chris' attention. Chris looked at Mike and then me before slowly lowering the plank, looking pretty embarrassed by his outburst.

"You know what, Josh?" Chris' voice lowered a couple octaves as he spoke — his eyes growing dark with resentment as he did so. He let the plank slip from his fingers to hit the floor with an ear piercing thud. "I'm not keeping your little secret anymore. You are the one who's pathetic!"

Me and Mike glanced at each other in confusion, neither of us having a single idea what Chris was talking about. Though we both instantly noticed the way Josh narrowed his eyes at Chris, growing cold with anger and what seemed like a bit of fear.

He muttered one word — his voice so low that we could barely hear him, "Don't."

"No, no — I think I will!" Chris began to yell again — his frustration clearly exploding into pure anger as he spoke. "How can you sit there and talk about me and Ash, when you've been sitting on your ass and pining away for (Y/N) for the last two fucking years?!"

My mouth fell open after receiving this new information. My heart began to race, picking up speed so fast that I thought I would drop dead of a fucking heart attack. I replayed the words in my head a few times, trying to decide whether or not I heard Chris right or if it was actually real. I couldn't believe it — I just couldn't.

"Don't!" Josh's voice began to sound more like a feral growl than anything, shooting daggers at Chris with his eyes. The air became thick with tension fast and it became all too awkward just standing there, especially since I was the reason for this new argument that had sprouted between the two boys.

"No! You started this, so now I'm going to fucking finish it!"

Chris stepped forwards towards Josh in an aggressive manner, almost seeming as if he was going to punch him. I didn't necessarily think he would and I knew Mike didn't either, but just as a precaution, Mike stepped towards Chris and put his arm in front of him to block him. Chris looked at Mike, his eyes seemed filled with pain due to how the night had carried out. Mike gave him a sympathetic look and stepped back, once Chris seemed a bit more calm. But then Josh let out another obnoxious laugh.

"Hey, Mike!" Josh spoke up but we all stayed silent due to fear of what he might say next. "Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike!"

"What?!" Mike growled impatiently as his head snapped in Josh's direction to give him the most brutal glare.

"What happened with Jess, Mike?"

"You know what happened."

"No. No, I–I don't." Josh stammered awkwardly — the tone of his voice and the stutter adding just a little bit more of doubt within me, though I didn't want to admit it to myself or the others. "I've got a problem, Mike. I don't remember killing Jess."

"Chirst…" Mike muttered in frustration. I could tell that he was trying not to snap and I felt so bad for him.

"I mean — like — I feel like I would remember killing her, you know? She's so soft and she's probably got, like, a really tight bod—" He flashed a smirk and for a moment, I felt a bit — no — a lot of jealousy surging through my veins due to his filthy words about my deceased friend. I went to say something — anything to get him to shut up but Mike beat me to it.

"Shut your fucking mouth!" He roared as he pointed his gun right at Josh's head. Josh's mouth fell agape in shock as he stared down the barrel of the gun, quiet for the first time in awhile. Panic ran through me as I subconsciously grabbed Mike's arm to stop him but he pushed me back with his free hand before placing it back on the gun with the other, holding the firearm in a death grip.

To my surprise and Mike's as well, Chris swung the plank he was holding down and hit Mike in the arms, forcing him to drop the gun as he let out a yell in pain and shock.

"Seriously?" Mike grunted as he straightened back up, narrowing his eyes at a very confused Chris.

"W–What?" Chris seemed surprised by Mike's reaction, which was odd to me, because who wouldn't be pissed off at somebody for doing that?

"Did you think I was going to shoot him?" Mike questioned him and I chose to stay silent although my mind was screaming 'yes'.

"I–I dunno…" Chris stammered as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. I could tell he was starting to feel dumb due to his actions.

"Come on, Chris! You know me better than that!" Mike scolded him. I wanted to step in — to tell Mike that it was just a mistake. But before I could say anything to make the situation better, Josh had to open his big mouth again.

"Yeah, Chris! You know me better than that!" He mocked with laughter heavy in his voice. I turned and gave him a glare that clearly said 'shut the fuck up' before turning back to the conversation.

"Ah… Yeah… Well, next time, just give me a heads up, alright?" Chris asked and I could tell that he was still a bit startled by what happened. I understood where he was coming from — he just didn't want to see his friend get hurt.

"Oh, you poor little piggies! You can't even get your 'good cop, bad cop' routine to work! Leave it to the pros, bros!"

At that moment, I had enough. I no longer found Josh funny — he was getting on my nerves and I was tired of everything. I turned to the smug bastard and didn't even think twice about what I was about to say.

"Oh, shut up!" I snapped, clearly surprising everyone in the room, including myself. Josh's eyes widened as his mouth fell ajar. But not only five seconds later, his eyes narrowed with mischief and his lips turned up into another smirk.

"Oh, really?! You really, really want me to? A–And what about you, (Y/N)? Huh?" I felt a chill go down my spine as he said my name, knowing that this wasn't going to end well. "A little bit of advice: You should probably keep a lock on your diary."

I froze completely still as if I was paralyzed from fear and embarrassment. I remembered each dirty thought about Josh that I had written in that diary and I winced.

"W–What?" Was the only word I could speak out of disbelief.

"Fuck, with that many pages, you could publish a God damn porn novel!" He laughed and I cringed even more, falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of eternal embarrassment with each word he said. "Or is it a movie you want to make?"

He wiggled his brows as he licked his lower lip, eyes darkening as they traveled up and down my form for a brief moment. Luckily, Chris noticed how tense I was and decided to step in.

"O–Ok, that's enough!" He shouted at Josh and he responded with a sly smirk.

"What? She wants it! Just read the dozens of dirty thoughts she had written in her little book. Fuck, I should be getting paid for how much she used me in her naughty little stories!"

"Josh, shut the fuck up!" Mike's voice came out like a roar as he stepped closer towards the bound man in an attempt to intimate him.

"And I saw your needy eyes oogling my junk as I humped the air! Don't pretend, (Y/N)! Don't deny what you're dying for!"

"Alright, everybody shut up!" Mike screamed so loud that it almost didn't sound like him. We all froze in shock, since we had never seen him this angry before — not even after every time him and Emily would fight. "Chris, (Y/N), you guys go back to the lodge and make sure everything's alright. I'll stay here with this lunatic until the morning."

The first thought in my head was to protest. Not only was I worried about leaving Josh alone with Mike for Josh's safety against Mike's anger, but I was also worried about what Josh would say about me to Mike. I wondered just how much of my diary he had read and winced again when I thought about the dirty things I had written. I opened my mouth to reject Mike's plan but instantly got cut off.

"Oooo, sleepover!" Josh piped in before I could say a thing to Mike — a childish grin tugging at the corners of his lips. "C–Can we order pizz–ah?"

Me, Chris and Mike all let out an audible sigh and I resisted the urge to smack the smile right off Josh's face. Chris grabbed my arm and lightly tugged me in the direction of the exit, but I pulled away, leaving Chris cocking his head and arching his brow in confusion.

"Listen — you go back to the lodge with Chris. I'll stay here with him." I offered as I approached Mike and he narrowed his eyes at me, seemingly equally as confused as Chris was.

"No. I can handle Josh. It's fine." Mike spoke calmly yet his eyes still told me that he was wary of my offer.

"Mike, you've had a rough night and Josh will just antagonize you until dawn if you stay. You deserve to rest." I placed my hand on his shoulder while looking into his eyes to show my sincerity. "I can handle Josh for the rest of the night. It's no big deal."

He raised a brow while chewing on the inside of his cheek, contemplating my offer. Finally, after an awkward moment of silence, Mike sighed and nodded his head in agreement.

"Alright. We'll be back first thing in the morning, ok?" He said and I nodded as I let go of his shoulder.

"Ooooooo, a sleepover with (Y/N)! That's even better than with Mr. Grumpy Face! Fuck pizza! Let's skip it and go straight to the pillow fight in our underwear!" My jaw dropped as my attention snapped over to Josh, who was wearing a big smirk — so proud of what he had just said. I couldn't see Chris and Mike's faces, since my eyes were too busy trying to kill Josh with a death stare — but due to the awkward silence that instantly filled the room, I could imagine that they held expressions similar to my own.

"Are you sure?" I heard Mike whisper over my shoulder. I slowly turned to face him but my eyes stayed glued to the floor, being too embarrassed to look anybody in the eyes at this moment.

"Yes, Mike. It's ok." I sighed as I brought my hand up to my face to massage the bridge of my nose.

"Here," to my surprise, Mike handed me his gun, cocking it as he did so. "Just in case."

"I don't think I'll need it but thank you." I said and he nodded at me before giving Josh a 'be good' glare, then turning his heel and heading towards the exit of the shed.

"Goodnight, (Y/N)." Chris smiled at me awkwardly and then followed Mike to the door.

"Goodnight, guys." I called out as I sat down on a nearby stool, turning my attention to the man bound before me. This was going to be a long night…

"Alright, you squirrely little fuck. It's just you and me." I uttered while glancing at Josh out of the corner of my eye, feeling rather frustrated with the way he was behaving and quite obviously embarrassed by the words he had just spat out at me in front of my friends. A few minutes of unexpected silence had passed which had surprised me greatly. Unfortunately, that silence didn't last.

"(Y/N)?" Josh spoke shyly and I instantly winced at the sound of his suspiciously calm voice.

"What?" I growled as I glared at him through narrowed eyes.

"I want pizza!" Josh whined like a bratty child. Though his voice was laced with a child-like innocence, I could see the evil mischief in his green eyes — now appearing grey under the dim light of the room.

"Oh, not this again!" I muttered as I rubbed my hands down my face, feeling so tired already of babysitting this little brat. But I had to protect what little privacy I had left and to keep the boys from fighting again. I just had to be smart with this. I looked away, hoping that if I ignored it, it would eventually shut up. But I was greatly wrong.

"Please, please please please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeease!" He continued to beg until I finally had enough.

"Fine!" I snapped as I took my phone out of my pocket.

"Yay!" Josh cheered excitedly as his eyes lit up and his lips parted to make a toothy grin.

I walked into the middle of the room and set my phone down in the middle of the floor before walking back to my stool and sitting back down. Josh stared at my phone a moment and then turned his head to look at me, confused by what I had just done.

"Go ahead — order your pizza." I said with a cocky smirk growing on my face.

"W–What?" He yelped in shock, which made me feel quite satisfied.

"Aww, what's the matter? You can't? Well, I guess you're not getting your pizza then!" I teased him in a whiny baby voice as I stuck my lower lip out to pout.

"What?! Why?!" He shrieked at my mockery and I just chuckled darkly.

"Well — first off, the pizza guy can't get here because they don't deliver this far — genius. And second, consider it payback for all the shit you put us through tonight!" I subconsciously raised my voice at the man–child before me and he only responded with a roll of his eyes and a scoff as if I was the one in the wrong.

"Oh, for fuck sakes, (Y/N)! It was just a prank!" He sneered and I scoffed at his remark, feeling shocked and angered that he had the audacity to say such a thing. "And I didn't even want the damn pizza! I was just trying to piss you off."

"Oh, was it?! Well, I don't think it was very funny! First, you put on a show of you getting sawed in half for me, Chris and Ashley to get traumatized from; and then you chase me around the lodge while pretending to be some stupid movie serial killer?!" I vented out my rant, feeling my body heat up with rage as I did so. I didn't even notice how hard I clenched my fists, cutting angry crescents into my palms as my knuckles turned white.

I chose to ignore his confession about the pizza, since I knew this. He knew that I couldn't get one for him at the moment, so there was no other reason for him to ask. But I decided not to say anything about the matter, because I was too pissed off about what he had said prior to the confession.

"Come on! You have to admit that was pretty epic!" He gloated with a laugh with a look on his face as if he was remembering the events of the night, all crafted by his hand.

"Oh, fuck off!" I growled through gritted teeth, growing pretty close to punching him right in the face.

"If I'm being honest, I didn't expect you to react the way you did. And here I thought your feelings were only sexual." He said with the same smug smirk plastered on his face. But something had changed; there was a sudden hint of softness laced within his eyes and voice — something he was trying to mask by his cockiness but slowly began to break through the cracks only a tiny bit, just enough for me to see it.

I shuddered as the memory replayed itself in my mind. There I stood, helpless and screaming while banging on a cage-like door, begging for mercy on my two friends. I couldn't choose, so Chris had to make the decision — a decision that ended with me weeping on Chris' chest over the loss of a love I never got the chance to have, while the man I wished to experience it with screamed in pure agony as his body got torn in half — or so I thought it did.

I turned my head away without saying another word, mostly because I could not trust my voice enough to actually speak. I stared at the door as if I actually took an interest in it, just to avoid eye contact with the man. Of all the ways he had to find out about my feelings for him, it had to be this way; I was so mad and embarrassed.

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

Some time had passed and the temperature had only seemed to drop lower and — despite my anger and embarrassment heating me up — it didn't stop the feeling of a thousand little needles poking into me all over my body as the harsh cold embraced me. Things had been completely silent, which I appreciated because I knew that I would not be able to speak without my teeth chattering. And I knew that Josh would only mock me for that. I crossed my arms over my chest, hugging my torso tightly in an attempt to warm myself and stop myself from shivering before Josh took notice.

"Cold?" I heard him finally speak up.

'Shit!' I cursed in my head. 'So much for trying to warm up before he noticed.'

"Y–Yeah…" I mumbled, still not daring to look at Josh after the things he had said. Lord knows my face was probably as red as a rose.

"Well, why don't you come over here and warm yourself up on my lap?" My eyes widened at his words and I scowled at the tone of his voice; I could practically hear his smirk in it.

"Oh, God—"

"I want him to be the reason I feel warm in the winter. I want to melt into his arms as he makes love to me and make the harsh winter feel like a beautiful summer." I froze as my eyes widened in terror when I recognized those words from my diary. "What? I–I'm just goin' by the book!"

"Just— How much of my diary did you read?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"Hmmm… Well, I started at a couple months ago and ended at: 'And then Josh bent down to place a gentle kiss on my clit before dragging his soft tongue between my folds.'"

'Shit! He read about my dream last night!' My heart began to race with humiliation and the regret of asking my question as he recited every word from my diary, dragging out and exaggerating every word like he was a porn star.

"And I kept calling out his name. 'Oooh, Josh! Harder! More! Dominate me! Oooh, Daddy!'" I jumped up from my seat as he moaned out those words, shocked and appalled by his lies and behavior.

"I did not write that!" I screeched in anger as my body heated up with rage, making it easy to forget about the painful cold.

"Oh, admit it, little kitty! Those words might not be down in your little book, but you and me both know damn well that that's what you hear in your head." He snapped back and I stood in silence. I couldn't deny it because he was right. Suddenly, a wicked idea popped into my head as my lips twisted into a mischievous grin.

"Why so creative with it, Josh? Maybe instead of those words being in my head, those are the words that are in your head!" I accused as I pointed a finger at him.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, baby." He scoffed while rolling his eyes. "Why don't you just be honest with yourself, honey? You want to ride the Josh express and be taken to the bone zone! Just admit it! Come on, (Y/N)! Admit i—"

"Fine!" I yelled, interrupting him and, to my surprise, his eyes widened as if he was a bit stunned by my outburst. "I want to fuck you! Alright?! I've dreamed about you doing things to me every fucking night since we fucking met! And I can't take anymore!"

His shocked expression formed into a cocky one as his lips turned up into a smirk again. He just stared at me for a moment in silence as I tried to look everywhere but in his direction, terrified to make eye contact after my naughty little confession.

"We're alone here; Chris and Mike went back to the lodge, so is there really any reason to hold back?" His words pierced into my mind like a fishing hook, stabbing that curious part of my brain and reeling me into his sick grasp. I shyly looked up at him and bit the inside of my cheek, not knowing what to do or say.

His eyes darkened further with lust as they peered up at me while his tongue slipped out to lick his lower lip before sucking it between his teeth. He knew exactly what he was doing — he was killing me with temptation. But was he just toying with my emotions? He was hell bent on humiliating everybody else tonight, so what made me so different? For all I knew, there was a camera hidden somewhere to humiliate me as well. I heaved a deep sigh, feeling tired and quite frankly sick of caring. I took a few steps closer to the bound man in front of me before making my very first move.

I stopped right in between his open legs and raised my hand to his head, running my fingers through his surprisingly soft curls and then clenching my digits into a fist, pulling his head back and forcing him to open his mouth as he let out a hiss in pain. I took the opportunity to clash my lips against his and slide my tongue into his mouth, pushing it harshly against his with much need and passion.

A wild fight for dominance began as I lowered myself onto his lap and started to grind myself on his thigh. The sensation it brought me was dull but just enough to add a little more fuel to the fire and dampen my panties. As our mouths explored each other, my other hand roamed his chest, feeling the hard muscle beneath the button-up shirt he wore, that I so badly wanted to tear off.

It was then that I realized I couldn't do that without taking off his overalls first. And even then, I had some layers that needed removing as well. I pulled away and he let out a groan of protest while looking up at me with needy eyes. I couldn't help but smile down at him before unzipping my jacket and letting it slide off my shoulders to hit the ground. Understanding what I was doing, Josh's eyes lit up with excitement like a puppy watching his master prepare his food. He watched as I took off my shirt and pants, throwing them on the floor in a messy pile, along with my discarded winter jacket.

Leaving my bra and panties on to tease him, I stepped closer towards him and ran my finger down one of the straps of his overalls before popping its button open, letting it fall to reveal more of his shoulder. I repeated the same actions with the second strap and then pulled the overalls down, just passed his knees. I took a moment to admire his already huge erection — which was pressing firmly against his boxers as if it was dying to escape from its fabricated prison — before slowly working on the buttons of his flannel shirt.

"Ah! Would you hurry up!" He whined as I took my sweet time, taking at least three seconds to pop each button open.

"Ah, ah, ah—" I scolded teasingly. "Be patient. After all, you deserve a little teasing after the shit you pulled tonight."

He responded with another groan and I couldn't stop myself from chuckling at his childish nature. I pulled his shirt open but realized that he had a shirt on underneath — one that could not be opened.

"Oh… I guess you'll just have to keep wearing that." I commented and he gave me a questioning look.

"Why?"

"Because you're tied up."

"For fuck sake." He grumbled with a roll of his eyes. "Why can't you just fucking untie me?"

"You know why. Besides, it's ridiculously cold outside, so extra layers are a good thing."

Then I kneeled down, ignoring the shock of the cold floor touching my bare knees. I ran a single finger over the throbbing erection through his boxers and he visibly shivered as a reaction. Smiling with satisfaction due to his response, I decided to give him a little more by darting my tongue out and lightly dragging it over his cock, the same way I had done with my finger only moments ago. He let out a soft moan as he let his eyes fall shut, savoring the moment the best he could.

I then hooked my fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers and began pulling them down. He responded to my actions by lifting his hips up, allowing me to pull them down his legs and finally release his cock into the cold night's air. I stared in amazement at his thick length. Josh was a big guy — 6'2" tall to be exact — so I expected there to be quite some girth in his size. But fuck — I thought shit like this was only possible in pornography.

Noticing some of the pre‐cum building up in the slit of his swollen tip, I couldn't stop myself from darting my tongue out to lap it up in one quick sweep. Then I wrapped my lips around his head and sucked on it as hard as I could, earning a deep satisfied groan from him as he jerked his hips up to force me to go deeper — but I pushed them back down with my hands.

"Fuck, if you don't give me something— anything—"

"You'll do what?" I interrupted after pulling his tip out of my mouth with a loud pop. I smirked at him as he let out a strained whine — now completely dominated and owned by me. "Fine. Since you've been such a good boy, I'll give you a little more — how does that sound?"

"Oh— Oh, yes please!" He begged desperately — his voice laced with a pathetic whine

as his eyebrows turned up, making him appear far more innocent than both me and him knew him to be.

I stood up and reached behind my back to unhook my bra and then allowed it to slide down my arms and hit the cold floor beneath me. After letting his hungry eyes linger on my 'girls' for a minute, I turned around so my back was facing him before letting my fingers hook into the waistband of my panties. I made sure to bend over and push my ass out to give him a great show as I slowly pulled them down and let them join my bra on the floor. I straightened up and twirled around, only to be surprised by the dangerous look in Josh's eyes. They were dark and full of pure lust and hunger; it made my core ache for him.

I slowly walked over to him as he licked his lips impatiently like a starving wolf waiting to devour his next meal. The sound of my bare feet slapping against the cold concrete went insync with each passing second, adding to the growing anticipation that was driving me wild. I finally stood just an inch away, staring down at the hungry man before me and admiring his bound form. I buried my hand in his thick hair again but this time, I pulled his head forward, forcing his lips to crash into my pussy.

Taking the hint like a good little boy, his tongue began to work away at my mound, flicking the little bundle of nerves at a rather fast pace. The sensation was incredible — I felt my whole body heat up in a matter of seconds due to the burning arousal his tongue was bringing me. And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he wrapped his soft lips around my clit to suckle on it as his tongue did it's magic.

Tears began to pool into the corners of my eyes as I felt my orgasm fast approaching. I couldn't fucking believe that I was this close already. His green eyes peered up at me, burning with nothing more than determination to make me cum as his brows furrowed. That sight alone was enough to push me closer to the edge — but when he started moaning, my legs were turning into jelly.

I tossed my head back and moaned so loudly that I wouldn't have been surprised if the others at the lodge could have heard me. My heart was beating so fast that I could have bet that it was going to explode out of my chest. This felt so amazing. I felt so free — hell, so alive! But although I was so close to my climax that I so desperately wanted and needed, I didn't want to cum like this. Not yet, at least…

I pulled away and he let out yet another groan of frustration. Lifting his chin so he would be forced to look up at me, I admired my work, taking in the image of his mouth and chin glistening with my juices as he licked his lips to taste my leftovers. Deciding that I didn't want to waste another second and that it was time, I placed my hands on his shoulders to steady myself before allowing myself to sink down onto his lap — but not all the way. He wasn't getting this that easy.

The stinging sensation of his tip pushing into me and stretching me out was so fucking pleasurable that it was nearly impossible not to continue going all the way, but I wanted to rile him up — I wanted this to last. He let out an annoyed grunt when I stopped and smirked down at him. His eyes shot daggers into mine, gleaming at me with want and frustration and nothing more. I couldn't help but chuckle at how pathetic he was at that moment — how he teased me for being such a needy little slut and now that's exactly what he had become.

"I bet it's killing you right now, being tied up and not in control for once. How does it feel?" I chuckled darkly as I sat completely still, enjoying the tip of his cock twitching within me with much need. But to my surprise, his lips turned up into a dark grin as he let out a combination of a laugh and a growl.

"Y–You think I'm not in control? Oh! Ooooh, you naive little bird! You are so wrong!"

Before I could say anything, he jerked his hips up, forcing each inch of his length into me within a second until his tip slammed into my cervix. I cried out in shock as my core stung with pain due to the lack of preparation for his size until that pain melted into nothing but pure pleasure. He was so much bigger than me, it was overwhelming.

His cock continued to twitch within me — on purpose to tease me or with arousal, I'm unsure. I felt my mind fog with pleasure as I began to fall sedated from my arousal before remembering what I was planning to do. I wasn't here to fall to submission at the hands of this man but to teach the little brat a very valuable lesson: Don't fuck with me.

I gripped his shoulders tightly, digging my nails into the fabric of his shirt for leverage before lifting myself up and slamming myself down hard, knocking unexpected moans from both of our mouths. I wasted no time to start bobbing myself up and down at an incredibly fast pace, bringing the needy sonuvabitch to the edge of his orgasm and then stopping at the very second I felt his shoulders tense up and his cock twitch within me.

A frustrated growl left his lips as he glared at me. I responded with a cocky smirk before lifting myself up again — as slowly as possible — and slamming down again, making the stool beneath us creak a little. Burying my fingers into his soft locks again, I forced his head upwards so I could make eye contact with him as I tortured him. I ground my hips down onto his, rotating them in a circle and his eyes widened — almost pleading to me while he pursed his lips as if he was trying to stifle his moans.

"Ah, ah! If you want more, you have to let me hear it!" I teased before clenching my hand that was tangled in his hair into a fist, pulling on his locks hard and forcing his mouth open.

He openly and shamelessly moaned for me as tears formed in his eyes. I chuckled at his neediness and then leaned down to let my lips graze the side of his neck before giving the sensitive skin a little nip. And I have to admit, I really enjoyed the sound of him gasping in shock at my action.

I then began planting slow kisses along the length of his neck until my lips pressed against the sweet spot right under his jawline to feel his racing pulse quickening by the second. After giving him another little nip and earning another cute, little gasp from him; I began giving him more wet, hard, open-mouth kisses; repeating the same patterns up and down his neck.

After a couple of minutes of completely savoring his delicious taste, I decided to end the torture on a wild note and licked a stripe up his throat from the base to his jaw, feeling the vibrations of his sweet melodic moans while he lifted his head to give me more access as I did so.

I pulled away slightly to look into his wide eyes and smirked before planting a quick kiss on his lips. It was difficult to keep myself from giggling at his shocked expression from my most recent actions. Now that the torture was over, it was time to get straight to business. I lifted myself up and sank back down again, deciding to move at a more neutral pace to savor the moment. I never thought that I'd be here, fucking Joshua fucking Washington, so I was going to milk every second out of this special occasion.

I squeezed his shoulders tightly as I pushed myself up, his cock sliding out of my walls until only the tip remained. I slammed back down, moaning as his head hit right into my g-spot. The way his eyes fluttered shut and his head lolled back as I slammed myself down sent chills straight down my spine. I had wanted this for so long — too long. And I definitely wasn't done with my little teasing game.

I lifted up again and held still in my position, earning a frustrated groan from my lover. Only his tip remained within me, leaving an empty feeling within my core as it ached for what was no longer there. I wanted to absolutely rail him until he was speechless — the pleasure that I so desperately craved just within reach. I felt the speed of my heartbeat increase with each passing second. The cold night's air dragged its chilling fingers down my back, sending chills down my spine and awaking goosebumps upon my skin. I wanted this so, so bad.

But I had to stay strong — I had to keep control.

I swallowed thickly and took a deep breath in an attempt to stifle my growing arousal for a bit longer. But just when I finally regained the little bit of control that had been slipping through my fingers, Josh let out another frustrated growl before his eyes burrowed deeply into mine with anger.

"That's it!" He yelled and before I could react, he jerked his hips upwards, forcing his thick shaft deep into my hole. I couldn't hold back — it was too much. I let my head fall back as a moan pushed passed my lips. My walls stretched and clenched around him, swallowing his length within my heat and savoring the stinging pleasure it offered me.

He continued to buck his hips into mine, his strength and speed overwhelming me in an orgasmic bliss. I was in such a trance that I didn't even notice my hand traveling below my waist to play with my sensitive mound that was swelling for attention. Well — I didn't notice until Josh pointed it out, of course.

"Oh, yes! Good girl!" He praised my actions — his voice dipping a few octaves lower than before, only pushing me closer to the edge of ecstasy. "Touch yourself for Daddy!"

His words sent a buzz to my mind that no alcohol could replicate. It was as if he was casting a spell on me, and each word he spoke had me falling deeper and deeper into his grasp.

I knew that there was no escape now. After hours of trying to run away, the killer had finally caught his prey — and I was oh, so willing to be his helpless victim.

"You are so, so wet right now." He whispered in my ear, a light chuckle on the edge of his tongue. "You're such a slut for me."

I sobbed at his harsh words and he let out an evil laugh.

"Come on — I wanna hear you say it."

"I–I'm — ah!"

I could barely even speak under his cruel gaze. It was as if his bold eyes had me frozen in place, only allowing me to let out moans and uneven breaths as I approached my climax. But just as I thought I had gotten off the hook from disobeying Josh's orders, he slammed his hips up in what felt like a new angle, pushing his cock deeper inside of me and pressing it so hard against my g-spot that I literally saw stars. I barely let out a squeak as my breath caught in my throat, trapping any sound from escaping me.

"I. Said. Say it!" He growled through gritted teeth. His eyes were growing in size with what I thought was anger, pupils dilating and nearly covering his light green irises completely.

"I–I–I'm your s–s–s–slut–t!" I struggled to say in a strained voice. I felt so small under his judgmental gaze, but I assumed that was what he wanted. Though his features softened at my weak declaration and he smiled sweetly — so sweet it almost made me cry.

"That's right — you're my precious little slut." He cooed lovingly. "Good girl."

With that being said, he began to move again. His movements were slow at first, but his pace quickly picked up to a speed that I thought was damn impossible. My trembling fingers gripped his shoulders as I felt myself nearing the end. Even he began to shiver as his once steady breaths became uneven and deep, telling me that he must have been close as well.

I wrapped an arm around his neck as I placed my finger on my clit once again. We remained in eye contact — foreheads pressed together as we shared breaths — while my finger quickened its pace in fast little circles over my throbbing mound.

But then, it happened — my climax covered my body like a tsunami and drowned me in a sea of intoxicating pleasure. It was as if a spark had lit within my core and spread throughout my body as fast as a wildfire; it was magical. I could barely even hear myself scream out as blood rushed to my ears and made my heartbeat the only sound they could comprehend.

I was lucky that I just barely came out of my post–orgasm daze just in time to see Josh releasing within me. His eyes squeezed shut as his head lolled back and his mouth fell wide open while he let out a moan that was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

It was an image that I had imagined hundreds of times, but the real thing could never compare to any fantasy I had ever conjured up in my mind — and I'd treasure it forever.

"Are you… Ok?" I heard Josh whisper. His voice was now soft and breathless, soothing me in my fragile state.

I let out a hum in response, not bothering to lift my head from where it rested on his shoulder or speak words that were bound to be pronounced wrong due to my shaky voice. I was too tired to do anything at that moment. I felt him beginning to soften inside of me and I let out relaxed sigh while closing my eyes.

"No…" Josh whispered again — his tone now more concerned and sympathetic. I finally lifted my head to meet his gaze and noticed that his eyes looked just as sympathetic as his voice sounded — so sad and remorseful. "I mean, are you ok from the prank? I'm so sorry."

His voice broke on the last sentence, and for the first time that night, he looked as if he was going to cry. My heart felt heavy for him. He seemed so broken and messed up since his sisters went missing. How could I blame him for wanting us to feel a tiny bit of the same pain he felt? I decided to just brush off my feelings now — for his sake. I let out a soft laugh and nodded my head slowly.

"Well, Josh — one thing's for sure: you are going to make one hell of a film producer." I chuckled while brushing the loose strands of hair out of his eyes. Josh's eyes widened while his mouth fell open dramatically as he let out an over-exaggerated gasp.

"D–Does this mean you actually liked my prank?!"

I giggled at his childish behavior. I didn't want to admit it, but it was probably a little too late for holding back now. I heaved a defeated sigh before speaking my confession.

"If I'm being honest, your prank was actually kind of — really impressive." I reluctantly admitted, thinking back to all the things he somehow managed to pull off by himself.

"I fucking knew it!" He gloated as that too familiar smirk returned to his lips. I rolled my eyes while letting out a huff of laughter.

"Don't get so cocky.* I narrowed my eyes at him — though the smile on my face most likely told him that I wasn't as angry as I was prior to our fuck. "Honestly, I'm not angry anymore. but that doesn't mean I fully forgive or trust you again — not yet, at least."

"What? Just little old me?" He whispered so quiet it was barely audible, while giving me a look of pure innocence. "Just little old me, tied up here and helpless?"

I shook my head as my smile reluctantly broadened. "Keep acting cute like that and I might just have to untie you."

"Oh — so, it's working?" His lips curved up into a sly smirk and I rolled my eyes again while letting out a huff of laughter.

Finally — after so long — everything had finally melted into silence. Josh just gazed into my eyes lovingly, without saying a word. I felt so calm — so peaceful. I laid my head on his shoulder and relaxed again. Despite the cold air chilling my body to the bone and the feeling of warm liquid turning cool between my thighs, I felt so content to just stay on his lap the whole night.

But then I remembered something important: I could only do that until dawn, since Josh would most likely end up getting arrested then. I was grateful for the long moment of silence, because it gave me time to think.

While thinking, I must have lifted up my head without realizing because when I barely came out of my thoughts, Josh was staring at me with a puzzled expression. I barely reacted to him as my mind went elsewhere again.

"Hey… Do you have the keys for the cable car?" I asked after a couple of very quiet minutes — my voice just above a whisper as I continued to stay lost in my thoughts.

"Yeah... Why?" His face studied mine while his brows furrowed and lips pursed from confusion.

I continued to think for a few seconds. What I was thinking of was quite reckless and dangerous, but in the end, it might have been worth it. Finally deciding on what I was going to do, my lips turned up into a sly smile as I studied his beautiful features that were contorted with confusion, knowing that what I was going to say about going to change the butterfly effect of tonight drastically.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐⭒𖤐

You made it to the end! Good for you! I hope you enjoyed it! 😃 What was your favorite part of the story? Feel free to let me know in the comments! I love getting feedback! Oh, and if this fic does well, I might just write a sequel someday... 👀

#until dawn #until dawn josh #josh washington #josh washington x reader #josh washington smut #SynnamonsSpicyFics #Repost

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loviingpedri · 11 months ago

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feliz navidad - jude bellingham

prompt: jude’s first christmas tree in madrid

warnings: grammar issues, cheesy lines

credits to owners for all images

“jude! look at all these ornaments i got.”

“they’re really pretty. remind me, what is the theme for the tree again?” he picked up the green ornament with the unique carvings of it.

“traditional christmas of course. classic colors like green and red. it’s gonna look beautiful.”

“beautiful like you?” he winked at you while you grinned from his flirty comment.

“anyways! are you ready to start decorating?” he nodded his head as he opened the box of lights. he began to put the lights on as you tried to find hooks for the ornaments.

“do you think we should do fake presents again. i mean, it looked pretty last year.”

“do whatever it takes to make it your dream christmas tree. the least i can do is help you. take this as my appreciation for your sacrifices in moving here with me.” the lights were blinking at you as he finished his sentence.

“you always say that. can’t leave the love of my life in a foreign place alone.”

“aren’t i special then?”

“don’t let your ego get to you jude.” finding the hooks for the ornaments, it was finally time for your favorite tradition. decorating with jude.

grabbing a sparkly green ornament, it was already matching with the lights. soon, dozens of red and green were everywhere.

“jude! did you put these green ornaments together?” he was just happy to help. you appreciated everything he did, but sometimes it didn’t quite match your ideas.

“yeah? what about it?” he grabbed another red ornament as the tree started to become overwhelming.

“they aren’t suppose to be next to each other. it’s a contrasting kind of idea, you know?” he just nodded, but he didn’t understand the point of it. another rule added to the list, don’t put the same kind of ornament together.

the tree came together perfectly. especially with the ribbons and lights. the only challenging part next was the star. you attempted to put it on there yourself, but it was no use.

“having trouble?” as you finally stopped stretching your arm, you couldn’t deny it.

“yeah i am. do you have a ladder or anything?” now, the jude bellingham started laughing in your face. usually, you would be offended but it was definitely more confusion. “what are you laughing at?” giving him a sassy pose, his smile became vivid.

“the only thing i should be smiling at. why get a ladder when you have me?” jude really thinks he’s the smartest man out here.

“what?”

“oh come on. i’m strong enough to hold you.”

“jude, what are you on about?”

“get on my shoulders of course. you’ll be tall enough to put the star on.”

pure shock was seen in your face. “are you serious? i mean you could seriously get hurt.”

“don’t you trust me?” he crept down slowly and told you to just get on. after awkward movement, you felt your stomach drop as he stood up. everything was much clearer in this view.

“this is absolutely crazy.”

“don’t fall, please.” as you got closer to the tree, the star was shining bright on your face. jude walked to the couch to playfully yet gently throw you off. a lot of giggles and cuddles were shared as you admired your new masterpiece.

“it’s so bright.”

“yeah, just like you.” he gave you a kiss on your forehead as you got comfortable under the blanket right next to him.

——————————————

author’s note: happy holidays to those who celebrate! it’s crazy how this has been in my draft since november and it finally came together. wishing you all happiness!

#football x reader #football fanfic #football imagine #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x reader #christmas #real madrid #jude bellingham x y/n #jude bellingham x you

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rex101111 · 3 months ago

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Ratchet and Clank size matters got added to the PSN store and I got a a major nostalgia pang so I went "eh, why not" and quickly played through it. And I do mean quickly, I know it was a PSP title but dang, last time I finished a R&C game this quick i played Nexus. Anyway, the thing that struck me about this game is that Ratchet is...a bit of an asshole here. And that struck me as odd because for the last few entries...he isn't.

Like this is still early series Ratchet, still on the PS2/PSP, released just before the first PS3 title, which was in retrospect a bit of an incredibly soft reboot. In the newer games, Ratchet is a fairly straight forward protag, nice, willing to help, only a little bit sarcastic if he's really strapped for time or dealing with someone especially annoying. Early Ratchet? Early Ratchet was a jackass, a dick, a selfish, quick tempered loner that only went on this quest because there was a tangible, direct benefit to him specifically. Seriously, in the first game Ratchet couldn't go two sentences without insulting somebody, and that's when he's in a good mood. In act 2 he's even worse, gnashing his teeth at everyone he talks to and threatening to sell Clank for scrap. It takes hours of in game time and half a dozen levels before Ratchet finally chills out, and a few more levels before he actually resolves to act like any sort of hero, and even that only happens after something he personally cares about gets threatened. Ratchet could give a damn, he can be convinced to help people, but he's still a selfish person who needs the situation rubbed in his nose before he realizes how dire it is. Clank having faith in him, throughout the entire game, even when he's being a dick, even when Clank himself is furious with him, meant something. When in the penultimate level he says "that's the Ratchet I always knew was there" and Ratchet brushes him off, you buy it, that beneath this sharp outside there's someone with the capacity to be a hero, an actual hero, a hero who isn't selfless, but one capable of overcoming his selfishness when it matters most.

Back when the first game came out, people complained about this, about their platformer mascot protag being a huge dick, and even the very next game addressed this by toning him down a smidge, but Ratchet in the PS2 trilogy is still very much not a perfect sunshine person. He's very sarcastic, pretty cynical, is very quick to call other people on their bullshit, and still has a very short temper. (Plasma city, anyone?) Ratchet had texture to him, he bounced off the much more straightforwardly nice Clank in a lot of ways, their friendship felt like it had weight and meant something because these two had so many differences between them that the fact they did get along so well and cared about each other so much showed that their friendship was genuine. I like the newer Ratchet and Clank games, played every one of them, but I've never been really happy with the direction they took with Ratchet. Each game made him nicer, friendlier, smoothing down his edges. And the reboot game had it the worst, they retold the first story, where Ratchet was at his worst and a major thread of the plot was him learning to get over his bullshit, but had the sanded down kitty cat of the later games instead of having confidence in their early work. Dickhead Ratchet worked, he had a place and it gave him a place to grow, while still maintaining his inherit sharpness. Ratchet should get to be an asshole again, just for a bit, let him get angry, properly. Sure, he's a hero who's saved two galaxies three times over and then some, but he did that while being a sarcastic little shit who made a joke about a plumber's ass crack showing and fired rockets at people while complaining about how high the prices are everywhere he went.

I dunno, maybe its a bit too late in the game to say this, but something got lost in the shuffle a while back, and getting a reminder of what was simply put it into perspective for me.

#ratchet and clank #random crap #just some loose thoughts #...i need to replay the trilogy again

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jamneuromain · 1 year ago

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Hey honey! I'm loving your bingo challenge<3

So I want to send in a request for Steve Rogers for the prompt 'ugly duckling'

So basically Steve meeting readers family and friends, and the running joke is how reader bagged an Greek god looking man like him despite being not so pretty. He soon understands why reader was first hesitant and a bit surprised when he asked them out. But Steve takes a stand for them in front of everyone and call them out on their behaviour and all the fluff! Please feel free to change anything you like or ignore the request if it's not worth it! Thank you so much! I love your fics💙

Hi hon <3

I feel so much about the "ugly duckling" so I added a little bit of "horrible family actions" that I've seen. I hope you'll enjoy this!

Make an Impression

Steve Rogers x You

Warning: Ugly Duckling, shaming from all aspects, bad language word(?)

Summary: Steve was nervous about meeting your family - your larger family, that is.

A/N: My eighth entry to the bingo challenge hosted by @the-slumberparty.

"What if they don't like me?" Steve whispered in horror as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"They will love you." You stood on the tip of your toes and kissed his cheek, "Seriously, my mom thought I'd be single for life. So she is already way beyond happy that I'd be taking someone home for this traditional festival."

Steve mumbled a "yeah", before turning to you, "I really want to make a good impression." He almost knotted his brows into a bun, "Any tips on how to be the best boyfriend?"

"You are the best boyfriend there is." You help flipping his collar in place. He was so nervous about meeting your family that he tried on five different ties for over a dozen times, leaving his collar a mess, "You'd be helping out... I think. And you definitely do not need a tie to suffocate yourself when you're helping out. They will love you." You emphasized the idea that your family would welcome him one more time, shrugging, "Just try not to answer any questions when my aunties and my grandma ask you about 'when are we having kids'."

"Kids?" Unfiltered panic filled his eyes.

"Um-hmm." You fiddled with the hem of his shirt, tucking it in place, "I know, we aren't even planning anything yet. Still, they love to do that. They'd be scheming when we're having our fifth kid with or without our help."

Steve swears he is sweating like a fountain.

"Smile. Tell them we're enjoying our solidarity. And you will be fine." You threw him a sympathetic look, "Tell them about your military stories. That would distract them enough."

You hoped your boyfriend would survive under your ruthless (or so you believe) aunties.

"C'mon. Mom said we should be there by 11 to help her cook lunch." You kissed his cheek again, "You'll do fine."

"Not quite sure about that." Steve muttered. If confidence could be measured from 1 to 10, he'd be negative a hundred by now.

You thought your aunties - your father's sisters - would be hogging Steve until he was going to have a panic attack, asking about your relationship or about his family three generations ago. But within an hour, you heard that he was able to make all of your aunties laugh with joy by telling some interesting stories in the barracks, while your mother kept you in the kitchen to help her around.

Help with cleaning. Not cooking.

After an hour and a half, your grandmother pulled an ancient photo book out of nowhere and started to show him your baby photos.

With pots of traditional dishes simmering over the stove, you were finally able to get a break from your mother's accusations of "not practicing homemaking" and escape to your boyfriend.

At which point, the photo album was only about one-quarter through, and your aunties had just started the chapter where you were 4 or 5.

"...now this." Your grandma chuckled and shook her head, "This was precious. She has always been the not-so-good-looking one among my grandkids. Hasn't changed about that. See her skin? And the hair? Her cousins tried almost everything to help her look better."

Yes. By "help" she meant that your cousins, who were not that older than you, shoved you around like a doll, pinning all their least-favorite hair bands and hair pins onto your head, and giving you ridiculous "make-overs".

The kind of "make-over" some 6-year-olds could achieve.

While your male cousins ignored you.

Some of them still did.

You didn't mind.

Your family isn't exactly the tightest bun in the world. You tried avoiding them until important family-gathering activities such as this one. Because they would criticize everything from your clothing to your work. And probably also tell your boyfriend that you are not that good.

"And what are you wearing?" One of your aunties eyed you disapprovingly, gasping as if she had just seen you. Even though you have been helping cleaning and cooking for at least sixty minutes, "Sweetie, your ass is going to rip your jeans. Why not sportspants? They are definitely more comfy. Could help cover your thick thighs too. Honestly, how you are able to date... him-" She gestured at Steve, "is baffling."

"That hair..." Another auntie tutted as loud as she could, "So messy, my dear. Have you tried conditioner? My boy brought back a bottle of L'OREAL conditioner from Paris and it has been working wonders. "

Third auntie chirped up helpfully, "Must have been that awful job, cutie pie. I told you that you should be working closer to home, not driving three hours to see your family. That incompetent husband of mine recently opened up a factory and we'd be happy to arrange a desk job for you. Smaller pay, but closer to home. What could a ton of money do anyway if you can't see your family every week-"

That's enough bullshit for you for a day. You'd rather drown yourself with mud than listen to them criticize from head to toe.

"I think that's my phone." You forced a smile, getting up as fast as you could, "I'm gonna go check."

"See, I told you a busy job can do you no good..." One of your aunties yelled behind your back, before gossiping in a low voice with others.

What you didn't see (or hear, for that matter) is that Steve apologized swiftly, leaving the couch and following you.

Eight months ago

Steve accompanied Bucky to his graduation ceremony that day. Being around the same age, they chose a path in the military at the start, though Bucky had a severe injury to his left arm and had to leave the sergeant program after only a few months. After some rehabilitation and trying a handful of jobs, Bucky decided to head back to university and study criminal law in order to become a police officer, or a district attorney if he's not fit for police work anymore.

Steve, on the other hand, was luckier. He stayed in the sergeant program and got assigned to the States right before Bucky's graduation. After three tours and a surgery to collect bomb shells from his leg, the Army decided he could be a drill sergeant on the New Jersey Base, responsible for training new recruits before shipping them overseas.

Anyhow, Steve pulled Bucky into a big hug when the ceremony was over. He whistled and nearly clapped his hand numb as Bucky beamed at him in a black graduate gown.

"I guess I'm the smarter one of us now." Bucky smiled coyly, punching Steve in the chest, "And the luckier one too." As he fished a cute girl in gown by her wrist and introduced her, "This is my girlfriend Wendy. Wendy Stone. Wendy, Steve."

She reached out shyly to shake his hand, "Hi Steve. I've heard a lot about you."

And as if Bucky was the magnet, attaching people like coins in a line, you slipped through the crowd patting Wendy on her shoulder, "Your phone. You almost forgot - Hi Bucky, I'll be out of your hair in a minute."

Bucky's palm flew to his forehead, gasping out in shock, "Damn. I haven't introduced you two yet. Steve, this is Y/N, Wendy's cousin. Y/N, this is my best pal Steve."

Five months ago

You had hung out with Steve a couple of times, but only in the presence of Bucky and Wendy. Wendy and you shared the same apartment, so it was nearly inevitable for Steve to bump into you when looking for Bucky, or Bucky asking both of you to join Game Night for you four to know each other well.

Steve grew fonder of you, nonetheless. He loves the laughter whenever you hear a silly joke; he loves the way you make a face to him whenever Bucky and Wendy getting all gooey and clingy, making both of you feel like the third and fourth wheel; he loves your optimistic and can-do attitude, whether it was Wendy having a bad day at work, or when the pipe burst in your apartment.

Before he opened his mouth that day, sharing a pot of coffee with Bucky during the quiet morning of a Sunday. Bucky cut him off, saying Steve's line, "You should ask her out."

"You think I should?" He gulped nervously, counting the larger bubbles on his coffee.

"Dude, why do you think I've asked you on these game nights stuff?" Bucky snorted into his mug, "You practically glued your eyes to her the day you met. It's hard not to notice."

"Thanks...?"

"Don't thank me yet, punk. I've asked Wendy about her. She's one tough-" Bucky paused before continuing, mulling over the semantics, "Is it degrading to say son-of-a-bitch? Because Wendy said the exact same words. Anyway, according to Wendy, she doesn't really date a lot. And her work is crazy as hell. Plus, they came from the same family, cousins from their mother's side. They are a hard-to-please bunch of people, and Wendy heard that her father's side was even worse."

Steve didn't really take the last line into consideration back then. Still, asking you out was one hell of a mission, worse than the tour he had in the middle of some desert. It took some persuasion and some more coaxing ("good-measured coaxing", Bucky insisted) to get you on the first three dates. But from that point forth, everything has run smoothly, until now.

"You alright?" Steve closed the door behind him. Your tiny room seems smaller with his broad shoulders larger than the door frame.

"Yeah." That's a lie. "Another few hours and we'll be left alone." You swept away the invisible dust on your jeans, murmuring.

That's why you don't like your relatives. The smell of grease and tobacco rose from the backyard where the men were drinking and smoking, more revolting than the way you remembered.

Steve pursed his lips tightly into a line, "Are they always like this?"

You huffed out an unamused laugh, "At least we were related. You should have seen how they treated my mom."

"That's why she's in the kitchen?"

An unimpressed glare threw in his direction, "She enjoyed that, believe it or not. Cooking and cleaning and homemaking." Raising your chin towards the kitchen, "Blamed me about 'not doing my part' just now."

"Why don't you-"

"Stand up against them?" You knew what he meant. You did. You tried. But they would always accuse your mother of not "teaching you properly".

"They are bullies, Steve." You shrugged, pretending that it didn't bother you at all, "They'd do anything to make sure we get all those nasty comments. And the moment any one of us stand up against them, they'd ask my parents to force me to apologize."

Steve crossed his arms, furrowing his brows again.

"Look, my mom is ... old-school. So are all of them. She nags a lot but she'd be sad if I'm not here to support her during this family reunion. But reunion means all of them, so..." You held his wrist, resting your head on his shoulder, "family comes first."

He took you into his arms, landing a kiss on your forehead.

You craned your neck to smile sweetly at him, as if nothing had happened, "Let's get back to the living room before they mock me for being a baby about it."

Surprisingly, for one full hour, they weren't able to make a comment about you - plenty of comments about Steve since your three cousins had arrived. More comments about your cousins. Gossips about their neighbors. Judgements thrown around on their men and your mother's cooking.

"... your daughter better have clarity on herself." Your grandmother pointed at your mother, drunk on her third cup of wine, her words slurring, "Steven....s Steve, here, is way out of her league. And she needs to maaaarry him before some s... ska... skank butts in."

Your mother eyed you, mouthing silently, asking you to eat rather than reply, before coming up with a polite smile, "Of course. But young people have their own opinions on marriage, and I suppose it's only fair that they figure it out themselves."

One of your aunts waved her fork too hard, sending a piece of chicken into the air, "Oops. Ma's right. And you need to have a kid soon, sweetie. Marry him, and have a kid. Your body is a ticking clock. Don't turn deaf towards it."

"I'm surprised you were able to get a boyfriend, let alone... this." Another aunt gestured at Steve, "You've never been the pretty one, cutie pie, and you sure ain't now."

You put your hand on Steve's thigh to calm him. You could feel his muscles tensing and his jaw clenching, not so subtly. You shook your head lightly.

Don't give them what they want. You hoped you were able to convey the message.

"Oh my oh my," the last aunt chuckled, "we are not going to witness some cheesy scheme of renting a boyfriend here, are we? I heard from my daughter Jean that it's quite popular these days. You know, it's not that embarrassing not to have a boyfriend, I mean, we all thought that way-"

Jean, being one of your cousins sitting by the table, chose to munch her food in silence rather than responding to your aunt.

"That's enough." Steve placed his napkin on the table, folded it back into a triangle before he spoke, "All of you." His rigid tone from the military days seeped into his voice, having the conversations on the table stop for the moment. Taking your hand beneath the table, he watched every person on the table with a serious expression, "Our relationship is none of your business, and so is her appearance. I see a beautiful, strong, independent woman, and I pity you for none of you were able to see her the way I do. Because you were so focused on yourselves, comparing everything about you to make you feel less pathetic. "

A brief pause.

"You didn't say anything about your daughter owning a clothing store, inherited from you, that barely gets by." He looked at the aunt who called you "fat".

"No one said anything about your son stuffing potato chips in his mouth and being unemployed, still taking expensive trips with your pension, because he's the son in the family." He points at the aunt who called you "cheap".

"And finally, you know damn well that husband of yours is having his third secretary-mistress. Since that's all the rest of you could hint about this afternoon." He directed at the aunt who thought you weren't "homemaker" enough.

"I hope you'll have the day you deserve." He spat out, standing from the table, asking for your hand.

For the first time today, your eyes sparkled with light. Gladly taking his hand, your rose from the table. Not minding if you have shoved your chair backwards too hard or the sudden movement is not "lady" enough.

"Mom, I'll come visit next week. Promise." A big smile raised the corner of your lips, waving your mother goodbye while the rest of the table watched in silence.

You still had trouble believing this when you got in your car. Steve immediately pulled you into a hug, nudging your neck with his cheek.

"Not so scared about 'impressing' my family now, huh?" You joked, tugging the end of his blonde hair lightly.

"They're going to hate me and you after I dumped every scandal on them." He mumbled apologetically, "Sorry, I hate bullies."

"No." You signed, "I should've be braver and just ... cut them off."

"You did the best you could." He kissed your shoulder gently, looking into your eyes, "You are everything I've dreamed of, and I meant everything I said at the dining table. You are incredible."

"Hold your proposal, Rogers." You teased him, seeing his ears turn into beet-red as you mentioned "proposal", poking his chest with your index finger, "You aren't on your knees yet and I'm not having five babies without five carats."

Steve's face flushed with a shade of pink, looking like a total turnip if it wasn't for his blonde hair. "Five babies???" He gulped, and then, "Does that mean we're having ten babies if I buy a ten-carat now?"

It was your turn to be stunned speechless. Only when he was grinning madly did you realize he was messing with you too. Laughing with tears, you fell into his embrace, "Steven Grant Rogers, you are a horrible person."

A few laughs bubbled from his chest as you leaned back in your seat and buckled your seat belt, "You'll get used to it." He started the engine and changed the subject, "I didn't have much food in your house. Mind if we stop by at the new Burger joint and order something?"

"I almost forgot how awful my mom's cooking is." You set your phone on navigation mode and put it on Bluetooth speaker, chuckling, "I'm starving. Let's go."

Find my The Slumber Party Present Bingo Challenge here 👈

Questions? Comments? Requests? 👉Send them to my inbox 👂

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fluff #jnmanswers #inbox <3 #writing challenge #the slumber party writing challenge

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drarrily-we-row-along · 1 year ago

Text

October 1: "I've Got You"

Draco Malfoy had had more than his fair share of humiliating moments. There seemed to be no shortage of things in his memory that made him simply want to crawl out of his skin with embarrassment, but this had to be one of the most horrifically mortifying things to ever happen to him.

His bank card was being declined at the check out. Face and neck heating horribly, he looked at the items he had to try to decide what to put back; a loaf of bread, sliced cheese, a jar of apple sauce, a jar of peanut butter, a dozen eggs, and a container of yogurt. "Oh," he said, heart racing as he tried to get past his anxiety to make a decision.

"Here," the man in line behind him said, "I've got you."

He turned, ready to decline his help, but those words fell away in favor of a spluttered, "Potter?"

"Hey, Malfoy," the other man said, nudging him out of the way with his elbow to insert his own card into the machine.

"No-" he started, too late.

Potter looked over at him, then back at his card, "I've got it," he said softly. And somehow there was compassion and understanding in his voice without any pity.

"I-" he tried again, looking at the fresh fruits and vegetables, the rice and potatoes, meats, and other delicious foods that Potter had piled on the belt behind him.

"Don't worry about it," he said before Draco could get any other words out. "Seriously," he added, looking at Draco from under his fringe, looking like he was the one feeling embarrassed as he pulled his card out of the machine and a receipt was printed.

Draco took his bag from the cashier and all but fled the store.

He wasn't too far, though, when he heard a set of footsteps jogging to catch up with him. "Hey-"

"Thank you," he said politely, "I-"

"No," Potter said, shaking his head. "Don't thank me. I just-" he broke off and Draco stared, waiting for him to continue.

When no other words were forth coming, he said, "If you were wanting to make fun of me-"

"No," Potter said, shaking his head vigorously. "No. Shit," he ran his hand through his hair. "Look, come to my house for dinner."

He blinked, "Excuse me?"

"I'm just making up a stir fry," he rambled on, "Nothing fancy just some rice, peppers, snap peas, onions, broccoli, steak, and some teriyaki sauce-"

"I'm fine," Draco said, even as his stomach growled at the thought of eating some actual fresh vegetables.

"Please," Potter said, grabbing his wrist to prevent Draco from turning away.

"Why?" he asked and he wondered if Potter could hear all of the questions in his head why would you help me? What's in it for you? Why aren't you mocking me? Do you just want to mock me in your home? What will this cost me?

Potter swallowed and looked down at his feet, "I know what it's like to not have enough," he said softly. "I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Just," he huffed, "Come on. Let me feed you dinner. Please."

"You have an insufferable martyr complex." he snapped but before he could go anywhere, Potter spoke up again.

"My aunt and uncle," he said, "they didn't feed me enough. I fucking hate peanut butter sandwiches. No one should eat them day in and out. Just," he shook his head, "let me make you some dinner. You don't have to stay to eat it, you don't have to talk to me, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"And that's it? You just want me to come to your house and eat your food?"

"That's the gist of it, yeah," Potter said, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "I'm not going to drag you to my house or anything because that would be creepy," he said when Draco didn't reply, still weighing his options, "but I'd really like to do this for you."

"Alright," he whispered, still feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed but also a deep longing for vegetables.

Potter grinned at him, bright and charming, like it was the easiest thing in the world. "Brilliant. Come on then."

And that was the first time that Draco found himself having dinner with Harry Potter, but it certainly wasn't the last.

By the time he left that evening, with a full belly and a container of leftovers, he'd let himself be convinced to come back the following week. A weekly dinner on Wednesday became a Wednesday dinner and a Saturday dinner, which became dinner every other night. And then before he quite knew how it had happened, he was at his house every night for dinner, staying later and later like he never wanted to leave.

Because the truth was that he didn't want to leave. Harry listened to him talk about his dreams, about how hard he was working in the muggle nursing program he was enrolled in, about his shitty job that didn't pay enough. He loved Harry's cat, Milo. He loved looking at Harry's art and listening to him talk about the creative process of making it. He loved hearing about Harry's childhood and getting to talk about his own. He loved having someone to do the mundane things in life with like cooking, chatting, watching telly, even just having someone to sit on the other end of the couch while he studied.

Still it took him by surprise one evening when they were making waffles and bacon for dinner, Harry was at the stove and Draco was cutting up strawberries, when the other man said, "Hey, Draco?"

"Mmhmm?" he hummed around the strawberry that he'd popped in his mouth.

"You know how your job is shit?"

He laughed, "I do. Thanks for reminding me."

"Right," he said, glancing over his shoulder at him, "But what if you didn't have to pay rent, would that make things easier?"

"It would," he said slowly, not allowing his heart to rise, not allowing himself to hope.

Harry nodded, "Do you think you might ever consider moving in with me?" he asked. "No pressure or anything, but I have an extra room," he continued, "well, five, actually. And Sirius gave me the house, so I own it, and-"

"Harry," he said softly, fingers lighting on the other man's bicep to get him to slow down. "I would love to, but I can't take advantage of your generosity."

"You wouldn't have to," he said earnestly. "If you're not paying for rent, you could maybe help with the cost of groceries, if you feel like you need to. But I don't have a ton of expenses, and I have a stupid amount of money, and a ridiculously large house for one person," he babbled. "And I just really like you," he blurted before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Draco blinked at him, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "You like me?"

Harry nodded, hand still firmly in place over his mouth.

"I like you too," he said softly. "But I don't want you to feel like I only like you because of what you can give me."

He dropped his hand, a tiny smile blossoming on his face, "I hoped you might." Harry reached over and took Draco's hand, "I don't think that you only like me for what I can give you. You see me and hear my words, you know me. I'd really like it if you stayed."

And really, who was Draco to deny Harry Potter anything that he wanted? So he stayed.

-----------------

#flufftober 2023 #fluff #down and out draco #drarry #falling in love #soft #trigger warning for poverty #trigger warning for mentions of canon typical child neglect #moving in together #short and sweet

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novacqnes · 2 years ago

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hii, could you make a one shot where jinx is "friends" with the reader but they like constantly kiss each other or are super clingy to eachother and everyone thinks they are more than friends until they end up confessing their fellings?

ice cream sundae // jinx

warning: fluff, kissing & some angst

pairing: jinx x fem reader

a/n: this took me such a long time but i hope you enjoy it :) i had a lot of fun writing it so thank you for the request! also can you tell how much i wanted ice cream while writing this?

your relationship with jinx wasn’t exactly ideal. it was sweet— fluffy cotton candy, cavity-inducing sweetness. the type of ice cream dessert where you could just feel the bits of sugar melting on your tongue, and the budding stomach ache looming near. it was comfort and love except without the usual strings or a daunting “relationship” title.

although to most, you were in fact together— nearly inseparable, and you couldn’t fault them. after all, “friends” don’t share fervent kisses that leave them breathless for minutes on end. nor do they spend hours each night bound until the other manages to fall asleep.

at first, the intimacy didn’t bother you. you and jinx had always been comfortable around each other. the added intimacy only seemed to strengthen your relationship even further which neither of you seemed to mind— well that was until others took note.

silco’s office was crowded with chembarons and compatriots— all eager to hear about his next plan. they practically hung on his every word, offering the fearless leader their undivided attention. yet the sight was enough to draw hushed snickers from your lips.

“they all look constipated,” jinx chuckled, swinging an arm around the small of your back. she pulled your body close to hers despite the somewhat seriousness of the situation. you nuzzled into her side, burying your face into her neck. the noise drew the attention of a few but you managed to suppress the budding laughter— at least for a while.

“no he looks constipated” you smirked, “how do they even take him seriously?” your eyes darted back and forth between the crowd and silco— once again you felt like you were going to lose it. jinx clutched onto you as if to remind you of where you were. but one glance at her blue eyes sent you into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

the two of you were too distracted to really notice it but dozens of eyes turned your way, along with silco’s. jinx’s arms wrapped around you almost instinctively as both you and her succumbed to laughter, clinging onto each other for dear life. to everyone else in the room, you looked like a couple.

first, it was the intimacy— jinx rarely left your side throughout the entire meeting. each time someone looked over, the distance between the two of you seemed to diminish by the minute. however, aside from that it all seemed natural like you belonged together— and not once did either of you pull away.

“jinx.”

silco’s voice was loud and stern, startling you from her grasp. he ambled towards her, redirecting the attention back onto the three of you. even with the added set of eyes, jinx maintained the distance, gently ushering you back toward her.

“i’m sure there will be plenty of time for you to flirt with your girlfriend after the meeting.”

girlfriend…?

a brief silence swept over the room, completely sucking the air from your lungs, and simultaneously leaving jinx speechless. you were aware that people mistook you for being more than her friend— but when it was finally brought up your feelings seemed like they were on display. free to be analyzed and picked apart by everyone, including jinx.

“uh— she’s not my girlfriend,” she blurted a lot quicker than expected. you couldn’t help but flinch at her words, so concise and almost deliberate. she wasn’t wrong and you knew that but why did everyone else have to?

“regardless, try not to interrupt again?” sharply, silco turned on his heel pulling the attention back towards his speech. and although much hadn’t changed you couldn’t bear to be near jinx. the sugary appeal of a partial relationship no longer seemed ideal, because in the end you were still left with the ache.

she turned back towards you, remorse seeping its way into her features, “ignore hi—“

“i have to go.” mentally, you were already far from the crowded room. without another word, you slid from her arms storming towards the door as you left jinx’s side for the first time in months.

there wasn’t much of a goal in mind— but you needed to get away and there weren’t many options. each one that presented itself had an increased chance of you seeing jinx again, and you couldn’t face her just yet. thus, you continued to walk the streets of zaun, following the dim light that the moon sanctioned.

the silence only seemed to stir your thoughts even further and they weren’t angry ones. you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at jinx because she hadn’t done anything wrong. the fact is you weren’t her girlfriend and no amount of kisses or gentle touches would change that. gradually tears brimmed your eyes but you refused to let them fall, swallowing the growing knot in the back of your throat.

the last drop was the first place you found solace after hours of mindless wandering. you stumbled towards an empty seat, slumping over the counter. you missed jinx— you yearned to be close to her again but it had to be real, you couldn’t simply be her “friend.”

“an ice cream sundae, please.” you mumbled to the confused bartender.

despite the fact that it was a bar and not a dessert stand your request was granted in a matter of minutes. placed in front of you was a large cup with a blend of french vanilla and rich chocolate. drizzled in syrup and cookies that covered the entire top. at the very center of it was a small cherry that looked all the more delectable. yet you couldn’t bring yourself to pick up the spoon or let alone move.

you felt her first, her touch soft and gentle as a long set of arms snaked around your waist. she propped her chin on your shoulder, bringing your dessert to her lips. the bar was quiet, nearly empty— yet you became hyper-aware of every movement. jinx’s affection was never something you needed to process up until now. however, it was the first time you truly felt conscious of it.

“never had this flavor before.” she hummed, leaning up against the counter. cerulean eyes glazed over yours, setting your cheeks ablaze. the soft skin of her arms gently brushed against your waist causing hundreds of goosebumps to form. and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t conceal it from her.

jinx muttered, her voice somber, “y’know when you ran out last night i waited– but you never showed up.” her eyes were glassy and at first glance, it looked like she was on the verge of tears. instinctively, you brought the pad of your thumb to her face, gently wiping them away. despite the budding tension, she didn’t flinch away, only leaning further into your touch.

“i had to think.” the words came out as a feeble whisper, completely flying over jinx’s head. you could practically feel her growing more restless at the sound of silence pervading the bar.

“what about?”

she desperately tried to keep her voice calm but it became glaringly obvious that she was losing it. her eyes darted between yours almost crazed, and deep jagged lines began to form around her nose.

“us— i mean what are we doing jinx? i’m serious, we act like we’re dating and it’s to the point where everyone thinks we are.” you sighed, bringing your hand to the side of her face. the warmth soothed her, relieving some of the stress that was mounting on her shoulders but you couldn’t push anymore— not until you knew how she felt.

“who cares what other people think?” she spat, deflecting even further to no avail. your heavy gaze sent heat straight to her cheeks, coating them in a bright red shade.

“it’s not about what they think— why can’t we just make it official? it’s not a secret that i love you and i’m tired of just being your friend.” the desperation practically oozed from your voice, sending a pang of guilt to jinx’s chest.

“you’re gonna make me get all sappy, you know i hate that,” she joked, a hint of sadness lacing her words. there was no going back. for a moment she pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“it’s not that i don’t love you….i have for as long as i can remember. but if we make this real it’s all gonna change— i know it will.” her eyes offered you a moment of clarity, they pleaded with you but were honest— she was honest. it was all you ever really wanted, some sort of confirmation that she felt the same way.

“that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”

“but it usually is, and i can’t screw this up, y/n.”

“look at me, i’m not going anywhere but you have to trust me….do you trust me?” you cooed, turning your body towards hers. the distance between the two of you grew smaller yet neither of you pulled away. jinx took your hand in hers silently nodding as you placed a palm over her thigh. you were no longer in limbo, you needed to find some way that the two of you could exist as more than friends.

you pushed the half-melted ice cream sundae away, plucking an additional straw from the counter.

“i’m not really in the mood for dessert right now hun,” jinx said, although she reached for it anyway.

“that’s okay, just share this with me.” the both of you brought your lips to the straws, humming at the sweet taste that lingered on your tongues.

jinx brushed a strand of blue from her face, craning her neck to get a better look at you. slowly, her eyes roamed over your face, taking in your features one by one. it was something she was used to doing but never this intimately.

“is it just me or is this the best thing you’ve ever tasted?” you asked, yet jinx was way too distracted to even notice. slowly slipping, her eyes fell on yours and for a moment she held them there, in both admiration and awe. she couldn’t fathom a world in which you were just her friend.

“jinx?” you called, your voice snapping her back to reality.

“hm?”

“do you like it?”

jinx plucked the cherry from the top bringing it to her lips, a bright sparkle glimmering in the corners of her eyes. she brought the fruit to her lips, although her focus was far from it, and the tempting desert just a few feet inches from her. she leaned in closer, testing the invisible boundary.

without another word her hands made their way to the back of your head, initiating a fierce long awaited kiss. in a matter of seconds, you leaned into it, clasping onto jinx’s body for dear life. your tongue swirled in her mouth, savoring the sweet taste of sugar left behind. neither of you could get enough of it, it was infectious and almost addicting.

when jinx finally pulled away she was breathless, ardent passion blurring her gaze. she ensured that her eyes never left yours as she whispered, “i loved it.

#arcane #jinx #arcane jinx #jinx arcane #jinx fluff #jinx angst #jinx request #requests #jinx x female reader #jinx x fem reader #jinx x reader #jinx x you #jinx x y/n #arcane x reader #jinx fanfic #arcane fanfic #jinx fanfiction #arcane fanfiction

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

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Can’t wait for someone to make a copy of RS’s coveted “signature” stamp and just buy a few dozen books, stamp them, and sell them as “autographed” at a huge markup, and goofballs will buy them all.

I mean seriously, that stamp will be incredibly easy to copy if it’s not already been copied, it’s the polar opposite of exclusive or personal. Why anyone would pay $20 for that is beyond me but it proves that RS is a shrewd business person by any means necessary and will be richer than I ever will be. No wonder Hades is her idol.

No joke, there are pictures of Rachel using the stamp at SDCC and-

That stamp is literally just a standard one that you could order through any custom manufacturer. It's not a roller in any way, there's no unique cut they're working off of, it's just a round press stamp.

And it shows because this is the quality of the actual ink when it's on the paper-

Basically low grade printer ink on glossy paper. It's not gonna last at all, and it turned out exactly how I was expecting - there's too much solid color with too thin empty areas so the ink is bleeding into what's supposed to be 'white' (we deal with the same concepts in tattooing so I knew this was gonna happen as soon as I saw the stamp design).

Anyways so that's my long-winded way of saying that I took the stamp that was on Rachel's IG from her promotional posts, desaturated it, added a tone curve layer to adjust the sharpness/clarity, and threw it into VistaPrint. Just for science, and because I'm an asshole trying to prove a point.

Would literally only cost me $20-$30 for the stamp after shipping.

Now for obvious reasons I'm not saying anyone SHOULD do this, like... I'm showing you this for science but really, don't go making counterfeits because of this LOL This is really just to demonstrate how easy it would be for anyone to make a convincing replica, which is the unfortunate drawback to using stamps as your "signature" - and with a very low quality printer shop stamp to boot - because it makes it pretty easy to copy. Not to mention showing off the stamp design beforehand through social media means that people (like me, oop-) can rip it out of your image posts and reverse engineer it into something that can be uploaded and purchased. I get she wanted to make sure that people knew what they were getting, it would have been a HUGE piss off to go see her for a signature just to find out she was doing a stamp, but like... these are the risks that come with stamps.

Don't get me wrong, you can just as easily forge a signature, but it's a little harder to nail someone's personal signature vs. a stamp and you can usually find ways to make it more unique (like what Junji Ito did by giving out little doodles on each signature). It also doesn't help that that stamp is made so cheaply that a poorly done replica would probably be on the same level of quality as the authentic one. And of course she added insult to injury by deciding to sell ACTUAL HAND-SIGNED BOOKS WITH ONLY ONE BOOK THAT HAS ONE CRAPPY DOODLE INSIDE AT ONLY ONE SPECIFIC BOOKSTORE A WEEK AFTER SDCC WAS OVER THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE AN EXTRA COPY OF A BOOK YOU ALREADY OWN-

sigh This isn't an uncommon thing to do, it's not unique to Rachel, but it gives me grifting gacha vibes and it feels like such a fuck you to the people who travelled all the way out to SDCC and paid for the ticket prices just to get a shitty printer ink stamp and then find out a week later after they've undoubtedly gone home that one bookstore in San Diego actually has hand-signed copies. I've seen Youtubers pull this kind of shit with vinyl printings and Youtooz figures and it's equally tacky.

If she had done it either with handwritten signatures or at the VERY least a better quality stamp design and higher quality ink, then yeah, it would be harder to make it seem legit for anyone who's not privy to creating things like lino cuts or using roller ink and thus make it a much more valuable collector's item. But the books at SDCC were literally made with a stamp that anyone can replicate for $20 and then the hand-signed ones were offered at only one bookstore after Rachel had already flown home. It feels so impersonal and cold to the audience that has supported her through all the bullshit she's pulled in the last year.

#anyways does anyone want my totally real signed copy of volume 1 #$100 or best offer #for legal reasons this is a joke #insert sarcasm here #lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama

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professionalranter31 · 5 months ago

Text

So I mentioned in a previous post how Overwatch has a lot of factions that aren’t expanded upon a lot, so I’ve got a list of my top five that are currently represented and my top five that I wish got representation

We’ll start with the ones that currently have representation

Number five is Oasis, represented by Moira who is their Minister of Genetics however we do know in lore that there are other ministers so they could be playable in the future or someone else who works within Oasis

In the same vein as Oasis at Number four we got the Atlantic Arcology which is represented by Lifeweaver. It’s a similar place to Oasis where many great minds live in order to try and further research in various fields and I just feel like both of them should have more representation given the significance they most likely have with advancements in the Overwatch Universe

Number Three is Blackwatch, we only know of four of them and one them also doubles as representation for Overwatch. I want to know more about the black ops of Overwatch, like, did they have a tank?

Number two is the MEKA Squad, with what we know of them in lore is surprisingly little and I’m gonna be honest the vibes I’ve gotten from the lore is that D.Va does most of the work and I want to be proven wrong about that. Plus, the Genshin are meant to be this big threat but it’s hard to take it as a threat when we are only able to see the capabilities of one of Korea’s defenders

And at Number One, the Inti Tribe because why the absolute FUCK is Illari labeled as its only defender!? No seriously, she is fucking 18 why is she treated in lore as her tribe’s only defender. If she was their tribe’s only sun warrior that’s a different thing but she’s working with others to defend their tribe but the Sun Warriors made up the bulk of the defenses so at least then it still gives to the tragedy of her explosion while not leaving the literal eighteen year old as the only defender of an entire giant tribe I want an explanation Blizzard!!! I will crawl into your office like a demon possessed and tear through whatever lore books you have in there to find my answers give them to me!!!

On to the factions that don’t have representation within Overwatch that I feel should have it

At Number five we got the Hashimoto. They’re meant to Kiriko’s main enemy and as of the recent Hanzo short story his as well but they just feel like a dime a dozen goons from what we have seen. Like how Null Sector began to feel like more of a threat after Ramattra was added I feel like the Hashimoto would be seen as more dangerous if we actually got a hero to represent them

At Number Four, the Gwishin. Sort of the same story like with the Hashimoto except we do have some idea of what they are capable of, no what I want a hero to represent them for is how they happened in the first place and how they are able to adapt like they do

At Number three the Wastelanders of Australia, they’re the outcasts of the junkers and what Junker Queen used to be when she was exiled. It shows a new perspective on the Australian Wasteland that’s different from the Junkers

At Number two we got the UN. Look, given how big of a deal the UN is in the larger story of Overwatch I just feel like having a hero to represent them would be pretty good in terms of lore and generally either a character who is morally grey or a villain

At Number one we have the God AI. We currently know the names of four God AI, Anubis, Chernobog, Xibalba, and Macaria. Given the massive importance the God AI have in the lore of Overwatch I’m genuinely surprised that not one of them has been made into a playable hero. I’m also kinda impressed that Blizzard hasn’t released a hero that is just them taking a god from mythology and translating that into an FPS. Anyway, given the various purposes the AI had there’s plenty of ways to design their kits around it and there have been hints that some of the God AI achieved some level of Sentience such as Chernobog’s lore. So yeah, I want them represented in game

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #overwatch moira #lifeweaver #d.va #illari #kiriko kamori #hanzo shimada #junker queen

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storiesforallfandoms · 2 years ago

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triple date ~ steve harrington;stranger things

part one part two part three part four part five

word count: 3262

request?: no

description: when her sister suggests a group night out to the movies, she struggles to keep up their secret

pairing: steve harrington x female!wheeler!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of the deaths in the movie sleepaway camp

masterlist (one, two, three)

"Do you have any plans tonight?” Nancy asked the minute she reached my locker.

“Hello to you too, dear sister,” I responded. “You know I don’t have any plans tonight because I am indeed a loser with two friends, one of which is you.”

“Shut up,” she laughed, lightly shoving my shoulder. “A group of us are getting together to go to the movies tonight. You’re coming with us.”

I gave Nancy a look before closing my locker and nodding my head for her to follow me. She fell into step beside me as I asked her, “Who is us exactly?”

“Me, Barb, Jonathan, and Steve.”

I nearly stopped in the middle of the hall, but made myself keep walking. I tried not to let my face give anything away, but internally I was definitely panicking over the idea of hanging out with both Steve and Nancy.

“You can invite Holly if you want,” Nancy added. “I understand if you don’t want to hang out with just my friends.”

“I like Barb,” I said. I decided not to comment on my feelings towards Steve. “What movie are you guys seeing?”

“Some horror movie that Jonathan wants to see. Sleepaway Camp, I think it’s called. I told him I’d only go if we had other people with us because I’m not a horror movie person.”

I gave Nancy a look. “You passed up on the opportunity to be alone with Jonathan during a horror movie?”

She playfully nudged me. “It’s not like that. It...it was a friendly invitation anyways.”

“Does Jonathan know that?” I laughed as Nancy glared at me. “Seriously, Nance, what’s up with you and Jonathan? Have you put a label on whatever is happening, or even tried to?”

She looked like she was contemplating answering, but quickly changed her mind and said, “Do you want to come or not?”

I playfully rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’ll go. I’ll ask Holly if she wants to come with.”

Nancy smiled. Before the conversation could go any further, the warning bell rang. She said her goodbyes and hurried off down the hall towards her class. Once she was gone, I let out a sigh I hadn’t realized I was holding and turned into my classroom. Holly was sat in her usual seat next to mine as I plopped myself down in my seat and turned to her.

“Please tell me you’re free tonight,” I said.

“I have a paper due for Mr. Murphy’s English class,” Holly responded. “But I’m more than happy to procrastinate that. Why?”

“I just told Nancy I’d go to the movies with her tonight, but Steve is also going and I’m gonna need someone there to keep me from word vomiting to Nancy.”

Holly gave me a look. “You’re going to have to tell her eventually. She’s not going to be mad at yo when she’s clearly head over heels for Jonathan Byers.”

“I’ll tell her soon,” I told her, although I wasn’t sure if even I believed that. “It’s coming up on mine and Steve’s first month together. I just want to make sure this is serious first.”

It was yet another excuse that I was using to justify my fear of admitting my relationship with Steve to Nancy. I appreciated Holly trying to reassure me that Nancy would’ve be upset, but I wasn’t sure I fully believed that. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where Nancy wouldn’t be upset over this secret relationship.

“Please will you come?” I begged. “I’ll buy your popcorn.”

She thought for a moment before saying, “My popcorn and my snacks. It’s what I deserve for being forced to fifth wheel on this date.”

“You’re not fifth wheeling. Barb is going, too.”

Holly froze at the mention of Barb’s name. I could see the dozens of thoughts going through her head in that moment. I couldn’t help but smirk to myself as I settled into my desk.

The final bell rang just as Carol scurried into the classroom. She glared at Holly and I as she passed us. I glanced over at Holly, who rolled her eyes.

Tommy and Steve had gotten a month’s worth of after school detention following their lunchtime fight, as well as Tommy getting an additional grounding from his parents the entire time, which meant that for a month Carol wasn’t able to see Tommy outside of schooltime. Carol blamed me for the fight and Tommy’s subsequent punishment, which heightened the negative interactions we had already been having.

It definitely was not making my school experience any better, but I had bigger fish to fry than Carol’s petty drama.

~~~~~~

That night, I was sat in the back of Barb’s car as she drove me and Nancy to the theater. The two of them were talking about something, but I couldn’t focus on anything they were saying. My legs were bobbing anxiously as my mind raced thinking about meeting up with Steve at the theater. I wished Holly had come with us, but she insisted on driving herself.

“Hey (Y/N), are you okay?”

I looked up to see Barb looking at me through her rearview mirror.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. “A little nervous for the movie, I guess.”

“I don’t think it’s going to be that scary,” Barb said.

“That’s because horror movies don’t scare you,” Nancy pointed out. “You love them.”

“Holly loves horror movies, too,” I said, hoping it sounded as subtle as I wanted to.

I definitely noticed the look on Barb’s face and felt a slight swell of pride in my chest.

I trailed behind my sister and her friend as we approached the movie theater. I could see familiar figures waiting as we got closer. Holly was in the middle of saying something when Jonathan noticed us and waved. Steve turned to face us and I felt my heart skip a beat. His eyes landed on me and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“Hey guys,” Jonathan said. “We already got the tickets just so the movie wouldn’t sell out before you got here. We were thinking three of us go save the seats while the others get the snacks.”

“That works for me,” Nancy said, and we all agreed to the plan.

We decided that Holly, Barb, and Nancy would save the seats while Steve, Jonathan, and I got the snacks. Jonathan was stood at the counter ordering when Steve slipped a hand into my back pocket and leaned in close to my ear.

“Do you want to share a bag of popcorn?” he whispered.

It was such an innocent and mundane thing, but it still sent a shiver running down my spine.

“S-sure,” I replied. Steve smiled and gave my butt a squeeze before removing his hand from my back pocket. “But I still have to get snacks for Holly. I kind of bribed her to come out tonight.”

Steve chuckled and snuck in a quick kiss before Jonathan turned around.

When we finally got the snacks and arrived at the theater playing our movie, we found the three girls sat near the back of the theater. Holly was sat at the end next to Barb, with Nancy on the other side of Barb, and three empty seats beside Nancy. Jonathan seemed hesitant to sit next to her, glancing once at Steve while he contemplated it, but I nudged him forward to silently encourage him to do so.

That led the last two seats to be for me and Steve.

I passed Holly her snacks and moved past the group to get to our seats. Steve sat next to Jonathan, leaving me the furthest away from Nancy. I wasn’t sure if that would make it easier or harder to hide our secret from her.

The lights went out and the movie started. It seemed very campy - pun definitely intended - so I wasn’t sure what to expect horror wise. I was starting to agree with Barb on the fact that the movie wasn’t going to be scary until one of the first almost kills; the creepy cook getting a pot of boiling hot water dumped on him, causing him to break out into painful looking hives and blisters. I gasped at how disgusting his skin looked as the character’s screams filled the theater. Steve looked over at me and put an arm around my shoulder.

“Don’t be scared,” he whispered. “Honestly, that guys deserved it. He’s a fucking creep.”

“I’m not scared, I’m disgusted,” I responded. “That looked brutal.”

It wasn’t until a few scenes later, where the body of the first actual victim appeared on screen and I hid myself against Steve’s chest that I realized how close we had gotten. I snuck a glance towards the other four, fearing that Steve and I had been caught, only to find that each couple was having their own moment together. Nancy was similarly cuddled up to Jonathan, her head on his shoulder as she peaked up at the screen, while Barb and Holly had started sharing a bag of popcorn and were almost laughing at the movie.

Steve ran a hand through my hair soothingly. It hadn’t realized how tense my body had become (from the movie or from the fear of getting caught I wasn’t sure), but his actions helped to calm me down. I settled against him, deciding not to worry about who would see us and to instead enjoy this moment with Steve before it was gone.

If I had to rate the movie on a scale from 1-10 in the scary department, I probably would’ve given it a solid 7.5. It wasn’t too scary, but the kills were interesting, and the twist ending left me with my jaw on the floor. I was still trying to regain my thoughts as the lights went back up and everyone else started to move away.

“(Y/N), you gotta let go of my arm,” Steve said.

At some point before the movie ended, Steve had moved his arm from around my shoulder to more discreetly holding my hand while I was deep into the movie. I guess I had also started gripping onto his arm at some point because I hadn’t noticed until he pointed it out.

I mumbled a shy, “Sorry”, and dislodged myself from him.

“That’s gonna leave a mark,” he teased. “I’ll send you the medical bills.”

I smiled at him, but I couldn’t help but notice that everyone had stood and was looking at us, waiting. I stood from my seat and followed the group from the theater, a little sad that my time with Steve was quickly coming to an end.

Barb and Holly announced they had to go to the bathroom, which Nancy and Steve also agreed to, so I was left to stand with Jonathan while we waited. I hadn’t had many conversations with Jonathan. I thought he was nice enough guy, and his brother was one of Mike’s closest friends. We just didn’t run in the same circles or anything. Although, that was the same with me and Steve, and look where that had gotten us.

Since I was alone with Jonathan, I decided to finally get his side of the story about him and Nancy.

“So,” I started, drawing his attention to me, “Jonathan Byers, what are your intentions with my sister?”

He started to laugh, but I could hear the awkwardness behind his laugh. A blush started creeping up his neck, which told me all I needed to know before he even spoke.

“I...um...I don’t know,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “We’re just...friends?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that a question or a statement?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated. “I...I really like her, though. And I think she likes me, too.”

“I know she likes you.”

His face brightened at this. “She does?”

I nodded. “Trust me, I’ve seen her face when she brings you up. It’s like you’re the most amazing thing on the planet to her. She really likes you, and I think, if you were to ask her out in a romantic way, she’d say yes in a heartbeat.”

Jonathan looked down at the ground, a wide smile on his face. I think it would be an understatement to say he loved my sister. There was a connection between them that couldn’t be denied. They both just had to grow a pair and acknowledge it.

Before anything else could be said, Nancy approached the two of us. She looked over at Jonathan’s smiling face and mirrored his expression. I glanced over at Jonathan to make sure he was seeing what I was seeing.

“What are you two talking about?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Jonathan and I said at the same time.

She looked suspicious, but didn’t push the subject matter. “Barb and Holly are still in the bathroom. They’re too busy talking about the movie and how not scary they think it is.”

“I wonder what it’s like to not be afraid of anything,” I said. “Maybe they can teach us that.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a little afraid of a movie that’s supposed to scare you,” Steve said as he approached us. “Besides, your little gasps whenever something scary happened were hilarious.”

I sent him a playful glare, but he returned it with a wink behind Nancy’s back and immediately melted away my facade.

When Holly and Barb finally joined us, we made our way towards the exit. Everyone was excitedly talking about the movie now, exchanging our own thoughts and opinions on it. I was about to follow Barb and Nancy to where Barb had parked her car when Holly reached out and grabbed my arm to stop me.

“Hey, I’ll bring you home,” she said. “I need some help with - uh - school stuff.”

I raised an eyebrow at her strange tone of voice, but decided to go along with it. I told Nancy I’d see her back at home and watched as she followed Barb towards Barb’s car.

“What school stuff do you want to talk about?” I asked Holly.

“Nothing, actually,” she responded. “But Steve asked me if I could come up with some sort of excuse to say that you’d be coming with me so that he could be the one to drive you home.”

I looked over at Steve who was still talking Jonathan. He glanced over at me and smiled for a split second, a smile just for me, before turning his attention back to the oldest Byers boy. Butterflies filled my stomach, which I didn’t think could be possible after the two of us dating for nearly a month, but he was constantly surprising me. He made every day with him feel like the first all over again.

When Jonathan finally left, I said goodbye to Holly and followed Steve to his car. As we walked across the parking lot, he slid his hand into him and interlaced our fingers. I looked over at him and, for a lack of a better word, internally swooned over how beautiful he was; the way the moon was lighting up his face, his hair bouncing perfectly with every step he took, the way his hand felt like his hand fit in mine like perfect puzzle pieces connecting together. It still couldn’t believe that I was lucky enough to call him mine.

“If you take a picture it’ll last longer,” he teased as we reached his car.

“Don’t tempt me, Harrington,” I teased back. He chuckled and opened the car door for me. “Ever the gentleman.”

“Always,” he said.

As he started up his car and pulled out of the Starcourt Mall parking lot, I wished he didn’t have to take me home. I would go anywhere with him right now if it meant just getting to have this time together to be an actual couple and not to hide our relationship from everyone.

"Are you worried about what people will say when they find out we’re dating?” I asked.

Steve looked over at me. “What? No, of course not. Why would I be?”

The answer to that question felt obvious. I looked over to see if Steve was joking, but I could see the serious look etched on his face. “Because you’re the big popular guy, and I’m the nerdy math girl. Aren’t you worried how that will, like, effect your social standing.”

Steve scoffed. “Like I give a shit about that. There’s nothing to popularity, (Y/N). Everyone seems to wish for it, but the only time it’s ever a good thing is if you’re a jackass like Tommy and Carol, or that new Billy kid. The type of person who likes to make others feel small and who likes to boss around people they think are lesser than. It’s not something I’m striving to keep.”

He had a point. Up until I actually got to know Steve, I would’ve been convinced that he thrived on the popularity. He was at the very top of the Hawkins High School food chain, the number one in high school popularity. But, ever since getting to know him, I’ve come to realize that wasn’t him at all and, like he said, popularity was nothing.

“Are you worried about what people will say?” he asked me.

I shook my head almost immediately. “I’m only worried about what Nancy will say.”

“I understand that, but you can’t keep this a secret from her forever.”

I sighed. “I know. Everyone keeps reminding me.”

He reached over and took my hand in his as I realized we had pulled up to my house. I looked up at him again and he smiled while giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I don’t want to push you into telling her if you’re not ready. But whenever you do want to tell her, I’ll be there with you if you want.”

I smiled and leaned over to kiss him. He cupped my cheek in one hand, pulling me back to him as I tried to pull away from the kiss. I giggled at the gesture and eventually managed to free myself from him after another few kisses.

“I’ll see you later,” he said.

“See you later,” I responded.

I was reluctant to get out of the car, but I managed to pull myself away from the magnetizing charm that was Steve Harrington. I walked up to the front door, paused before opening it to turn back and wave at Steve, before I finally walked into my house. My entire body felt light and fuzzy as I started up the stairs.

“Hey (Y/N).”

I jumped and turned to see Mike standing at the bottom of the steps.

“What are you doing, you weirdo?” I asked.

“I was just getting a snack before going back to my campaign,” he explained. “Heard a car pull up and decided to see who it was.”

“It’s just me,” I said. “So you can go back to your fantasy game without the worry of a crazed burglar trying to break in or whatever.”

I turned to start up the stairs again, but Mike cut me off by saying, “But it wasn’t just you. It was also Steve Harrington.”

I froze and slowly turned back to him. “He drove me home from the movie. Nancy came home with Barb.”

“Yeah, but Nancy didn’t kiss Barb when Barb brought her home.”

And just like that, my euphoric feeling came crashing down around me.

Me? Making Barb WLW with my own OC? Yes, yes I am.

Taglist!: @itjustkindahappenedreally @ladyfallonavenger @sleepylunarwolf @pandoraneverland @kindablackenedsuperhero @callsignwidow @palmtreesx3 @phantomxoxo @bdalas

If you want to be tagged, let me know!

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington series #joe keery #joe keery imagine #joe keery x reader #joe keery series #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things series #imagine #series #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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aceofwhump · 6 months ago

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Hi Ace! How are you? I was going to ask if you have any fic recommendations of 911?

Oh my god yes so many lol. I hope you like Buck whump, gen, 118 family stuff!

Bring me back by Stennerd Summary: It's been months since the tsunami and Buck had been doing just fine. All it took was walking through water to bring it all crashing back.

Kindness: What Connects Us by FandomLife54 Summary: Still off balance, Buck slams his left heel onto the roof, heaving forward to catch the collar of that yellow shirt. And there’s no conscious decision making here. It’s all instinct, and he’s grateful for it. If he’d given his overzealous mind the chance to consider another way, he would have missed his shot. Instead, his arms hurl the boy into the hands of another survivor… And his right foot misses the edge. OR Buck catches Chris before he rolls off the firetruck, and it's him who falls back into the retreating waters of the tsunami. Unconscious and seriously injured, he's unaware that his team has been searching for him, never giving up as the days pass.

Of Bikes and Concussions by datleggy Summary: Buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there.

denial's hard, breathing's harder by carefulren Summary: After a water rescue that almost ends badly, Buck comes down with a cold. At least, that's what he keeps telling himself despite getting worse.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...Right? by McGeeklover Summary: Four Times we could've seen so much more Buck Whump, Eddie caring and 118 protectiveness and one time it could've been a lot worse.

Radio Silence by madamewriterofwrongs Summary: “Don’t worry, we’re on our way to you.” “No.” His halting voice echoed through the radios gathered around the truck and everyone stopped. Eddie kept running. “The whole quadrant’s unstable. Sweep’s done. It’s not safe.” Bobby was going to have a long talk with him about his self-sacrificing habits. For now, he kept his words calm and authoritative; for both their sakes. “None of that, you just hold still. Are you injured?” There was silence. Around him, the paramedics and firefighters of the 118 waited with bated breath. “Pretty bad.” There was little humor in his voice, though they could hear him trying. “My head. And uh, hahaha,” his laughter came as a gust of air. “I’ve been impaled?”

Safe by MadalineGrace Summary: Arguably, a fire station was one of the safest places to be. Where else could someone be surrounded by powerful rescue equipment, stores of medical supplies, and a dozen highly trained first responders? In the event of an emergency, there were few places Buck would rather be. Maybe his love for the job had clouded his thinking, lulled him into a false sense of security, he mused as he stared at the growing lake of blood beneath him. After today, it was safe to say that that illusion had been shattered…

We Lived Through the Wreck of Our Hearts by soft_satan for autumnchills Summary: When the door to the supply closet burst open, Eddie skidded to a stop only feet away from them, his blood turning ice cold in his veins. A tall, wild eyed man had an arm wrapped around Buck’s neck and a gun pressed to the side of his head

Here Comes the Boom by valix33 Summary: 5 times someone new learns about Buck’s fear of thunderstorms post lightning strike and 1 time everyone is prepared. Canon through 7x05. More character tags will be added with each chapter but trust the entire 118 family will feature here.

#911 #911 fox #911 abc #evan buckley #fic recs #fanfics #whump #mods fic recs #mod replies #ask

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jemariel · 1 year ago

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Falling With Style

By Jemariel

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Dean/Cas

Words: 15,831

Tags: Wingfic, Dean has angel wings, Human Castiel in the Bunker, domestic fluff, wing grooming, flying lessons, love confessions, Cas has self-worth issues, first kiss/first time together, Profound Bond Gift Exchange: Hot Entity Summer

Written for the Profound Bond gift exchange for @eyesandwingsonlyafterdark !! I hope you enjoy 💙💚💖

Summary: Dean's facing a long summer cooped up in the bunker with nothing but his own brand new eight-foot angel wings for company. And Cas, of course. But the former angel is acting super weird about this whole thing, and Dean can't figure out why. He could sure use some help from the expert, though.

(In which Dean learns to fly, and Cas remembers what it's like.)

Read on ao3!

Excerpt and tag list below the cut, let me know if you want to be added to or removed from my tag list!

On this particular Thursday, Dean finds Cas in the library. Deep in the stacks, in a section that mostly contains books on angel lore, as far as Dean knows. He’s got an armload already and is peering with great concentration at the cobwebby shelves.

Jackpot.

Dean sidles closer, winching his wings in tight as they’ll go so they don’t knock anything off the shelves (again). Be a shame to give away the game.

Closer… closer… years of practice keep his feet and breathing quiet until he can count the hairs on the back of Cas’s neck. And then, just as Cas is juggling his books from one arm to the other—

“Whatcha lookin’ for?”

Cas jumps about a half a mile, and a dozen moth-eaten volumes go tumbling to the floor. Sam’s gonna kill him.

Worth it.

“Dean—” Cas exhales, a hand on his chest and murder in the set of his jaw. “What the hell are you doing?”

Dean grins and relaxes his wings a touch. “Just having a little fun,” he says, tongue between his teeth. For some reason, getting a rise out of Cas always gets him giddy. It’s like champagne bubbles under his skin, and ever since he sprouted these feathery intruders, that’s where he feels it the strongest. It’s like all the feathers are standing on end. It’s happened before. Like the time he pretended not to know or care about the Library of Alexandria for an entire hour, and Cas had gone on a righteously livid rant that left him flushed and sweaty. There’d been a chalkboard involved. Or the time Cas had wandered into the kitchen all pre-coffee grumpy in nothing but sweatpants while Dean was making eggs. That hadn’t exactly been Dean getting a rise out of him, but it gave him the goosebumps all the same.

Dean had chosen not to analyze it too closely.

With a glare in Dean’s direction, Cas crouches down to pick up the books, ruddy around the ears. It’s then—looking down at Cas’s head just below waist level—that Dean realizes just how close he’d positioned himself. His wings tingle harder, and his stomach does this funny little twist as he shuffles back to a more respectable distance. Suddenly, he has to swallow a whole mouthful of saliva and clear his throat before he can speak.

“Seriously, what are you doing back here?” he asks. Totally neutral. Completely normal.

Rising to his feet, Cas hands over one of the books. The spine looks like it’s decided to make a break for it, hanging on by a few bare horsehair threads. Dean actually feels bad for a minute before he reads the title.

“Alchemical Properties of Angelic Minutia? Sounds grim.”

Cas nods, still averting his gaze, fingering the dusty pages of a slim, gilt-edged volume. “I was hoping to uncover a solution to your… predicament.”

“Gabe said it would wear off on its own, right?”

One of Cas’s eyebrows climbs toward his hairline. “And you trust him?”

Dean snorts, handing the book back. “Not even half as far as I can throw him, but why would he lie about that?”

“I can think of a dozen reasons. But even assuming there is truth in that, why shouldn’t we try to”—he gestures vaguely with his laden arms—“encourage the process?”

Dean considers, crossing his arms as he leans against a bookshelf. The edge of the shelf digs into his bare bicep, and he shudders to think what kind of dust his feathers are picking up. “It’s not so bad,” he says. “Kinda grateful for the vacation.”

Cas squints at him in flat disbelief. “Dean, you have put up a protest every time Sam has left on a hunt for the last two months.”

“Yeah, well.” How does he explain this? “Netflix ain’t gonna binge itself, right? C’mon. I’ll make some popcorn.”

Cas nods vaguely as Dean slaps him on the shoulder and turns to escape the library. “Give me a moment to… reshelve these, I suppose.”

“That’s the spirit.”

Read more on ao3!

Tag list below:

@magnificent-winged-beast @starsinursa @silvie111 @gneisscastiel @yourspecialeyes @weathergirl83 @daughter-of-the-rain-and-snow @maliciouslycreative @suckerfordeansfreckles @rosemoonweaver @paperwhitenarcissus @maiosaurus @naruhearts @super-powerful-queen-reyna @anironundomiel-blog1 @jasminrogue @onsarah @cassbutt-and-the-righteousbi @elanor-n-evermind @sharkfish @fangirlingtodeath513 @angelarbaugh @psychoticblackhappiness @holyllamabanana-blog @lanaserra @freckles-and-wings @7faerielights @casbean @destielhoneybee @feraladoration @deaneatscake @generaldeliciousness @bre95611 @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @lizleeillustration @hexentaenzerin @peacewhenuaredone-blog @nickelkeep @ellen-of-oz @malmuses @ltleflrt @archiival @idaaeri @kazshero @depairt

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel wing fic #wing kink #human castiel #profoundnet #profound bond gift exchange round 10: hot entity summer

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rubydubydoo122 · 6 months ago

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In every universe Jason Peter Todd dies young. It’s a fate sealed across the multiverse. Maybe he could hope that there’s one universe where he doesn’t. aka, Jason, Dick, and Bruce go multiverse hopping, and are not having a fun time. (Ps, when I started writing this fic I hced Jason as Latino, but I don't really believe in that hc anymore, so just a heads up if you don't like that hc)

TRIGGER WARNING -> Cancer and mentions of previous child death

It’s been a week and Jay still hasn’t told Bruce or Alfred. Jason spent the first couple days walking around Gotham trying to stop his heart from exploding out of his chest. Then he beat the shit out of the training simulations– which he failed multiple times because he hit the fake version of the Joker with multiple lethal shots.

Obviously, he has checked on Jay, and apologized for freaking out, and tried to convince him to tell Bruce, but the kid always managed to evade doing just that.

Hence why he was currently stress cooking.

Maybe four dozen chocolate chip cookies, 3 batches of blueberry muffins, and an ungodly amount of chili dogs were excessive, but he needed to otherwise he would find himself storming up to younger Bruce and just telling him. Which wouldn’t be the worst thing, but it might make things difficult.

It would be so much easier if the kid just spilled the beans himself. But Jay was holding onto that god damned can so tight. Now if Jason could just… loosen the grip…

They were all currently eating dinner on the patio, because the early April weather was nice for once. Tim was also there, because Jason had made too much food, and Alfred encouraged Jay to invite the kid. Jay had also apparently wanted to invite Babs, but obviously since Kori and Dick were engaged it would be awkward considering a version of Dick was at the manor.

Jason hummed, “I feel like we’re missing someone.”

Tim looked around at everyone, “Our Dick?” His face turned red, “That came out wrong.”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not it.” Jason knew exactly where he was going with this, but he had to play it right.

Dick grabbed another cookie, “Damian, Stephanie, Duke and Cass.”

“I’m not as close with them as you are, dude.” Jason took a bite out of his chili dog, and chewed as he pretended to think about it, “Oh! I know! Uncle Clark.”

Jay immediately sat ramrod straight. If Uncle Clark was here, he’d immediately see the giant brace on Jay’s knee. Then he’d use his x-ray vision, and he’d immediately make that face like someone kicked his puppy and tell Bruce.

Then the anxiety washed off Jay’s face, and was replaced with a glare, “Seriously, Jason?”

Younger Bruce’s face went blank, “Clark… is dead.”

“You mean he hasn’t come back to life in this universe?” Jason… totally forgot about that. To his credit, he was in a coma at the time– or catatonic.

Younger Bruce frowned and then glanced at older Bruce, “Not that I’m aware of…”

Older Bruce grunted, “He didn’t come back until early May. At least for us. It could be different in this universe.”

“Oh.”

God damn it.

Jay wanted to bang his head on the table hard enough to knock himself out. He couldn’t sleep a wink last night because of the incessant throb in his knee.

He gritted his teeth, “Jason Peter Todd, I swear if you play ‘Drops of Jupiter’ one more time, I’m going to–” cry. He was going to cry. That’s what he would do. He was going to cry. Who plays songs about their mother who died of cancer at 7:30 in the morning? “I’m going to kill myself and blame you.”

Dick immediately whipped his head to Jay, so he added, “Hyperbole. But I will smack my head on this granite and blame it on you.”

Jason frowned, and then wordlessly switched the song to ‘Ronan’, by Taylor Swift.

And it’s not like Jay didn’t know exactly what Jason was doing. He knew what he was doing as soon as he came down and the song started playing. God he was an asshole.

Though… it was probably an asshole move for Jay to ask him to keep it a secret. He just needs time to…gather his thoughts and figure out the right way to tell Bruce.

Dick patted Jay’s shoulder, “Want me to drop you off at school?”

“Please.”

Dick handed him his crutches and grabbed his backpack for him as he hobbled to the garage, “April’s not the best month for him. He died on the 27th, so… that’s probably what’s with the mood and the sad songs, and all the cooking.”

He felt something twist and knot in his gut. He was making Jason’s already traumatic month so much worse, and even more traumatic because he’s reminding him of Mami and–

“Jay? Are you ok?”

He nodded, “I was just thinkin’ about how Jason really is Jesus. Did he die on Good Friday?”

Dick chuckled and ruffled his hair, “I dunno.”

It took him an unnecessary amount of time to get to lunch. Not only was he slower because of his broken tibia, but crutching around had him winded. It forced him to sit with Tim and his friends, because the table he usually sits at fills up before he can get to the cafeteria.

Now he didn’t mind sitting with Tim and his friends, it just felt odd as a Junior sitting with a bunch of Underclassmen. But, they also didn’t pay much attention to him. Usually he just napped the entirety of lunch.

Well, he didn’t nap, because he could not sleep around people he didn’t trust, but he rested his eyes, and to everyone else it probably looked like he was asleep.

Most of the table got up to get cookies, but Tim stayed behind with Jay. Then he felt the table shift on the opposite side. Except the weight shift wasn’t as drastic as it usually is with the guy who usually sits there, so it was probably someone new.

Jay didn’t have the energy to check who it was.

“How asleep is he?” Oh! It was Stephanie. Wow, this feels like a crossover episode.

He felt a gust of air blow on his face, and jokes on Tim, Jay’s known how to fully fake sleep since he was ten. Meaning no flinching during sleep tests, “He’s out. I guess.” To Tim’s credit he probably knew he wasn’t fully asleep.

“Ok, you’re like a Batman and Robin superfan, aren't ya?”

He heard Tim pause, “How did you know that?”

“Your screensaver is subtly Robin themed, your backpack is subtle Batman, whenever they’re mentioned you pretend to not pay attention to the conversation, even though you are, and,” She let out a snicker, “I saw the stack of photos you have of them when you let me take gum from your backpack. They’re really good by the way.”

Jay knew that Tim was beet red, “Oh. Thanks.”

“Anywho, do you know the last time Robin was seen out? Cus people have been saying the last time he’s been seen was the warehouse explosion by the docks.”

Why was she worrying? He told her he was going to retire.

He could feel Tim trying not to glance at Jay, “Yeah, That was the last time he’s been spotted. Though, I’m sure he’s just recovering or something.”

“Ok. ok.” She drummed the table with her fingers, “Fuck, can you keep a secret?” There was a pause where he assumed Tim nodded, “Alright.” She leaned closely across the table, and he felt Tim move in closer as well, “I’m Spoiler, and I kinda know Robin. I don’t know who he really is or anything, but I’d consider us to be close. He told me he was planning on retiring.”

“What?” wait, he hasn’t told Tim about that yet, “Did he tell you what he’s planning on doing? Is he gonna stay in Gotham, or move to New York like Nightwing?”

“No. He said he was retiring retiring. Like no more fighting.”

“He’s giving up being a hero?” Tim’s voice was blank, “Good for him, I guess.”

“That’s not–” She sighed, “The last couple times I’ve seen him, he’s been…tired. Not as quippy or flippy. I think… I think something’s wrong.”

There was a pause, “Now that you mention it–”

Jay picked up his head, “Ya know Barney, if you were really this worried, you coulda called.”

Stephanie’s eyes blew wide in realization– Bruce is going to go berserk– Then she glanced over at Tim, who rolled his eyes, “Ok, I know too.” Then he turned to Jay, “Jason, why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were retiring, but you told her?”

He shrugged, “Professional courtesy. And it never really came up between us. I only told B after I got half my hair singed off. I still haven’t told N.”

“So you’re officially retired?” Stephanie raised an eyebrow, “I would’ve thought you’d make your last appearance as Robin special.”

“Technically, I have two and a half more weeks, but, uh, seeing as…” He looked at the crutches, “Can’t exactly do much.”

Tim nodded, “And as far as Gotham knows, you went out with a bang.”

Stephanie hummed, “My mom works at Gotham General and has been talking about this kid who’s apparently obsessed with Robin. Apparently she tells the other kids stories about him. Maybe you can make that your last appearance. I can come too if ya want.”

Jay smiled, “That sounds like a good idea. Is the kid gonna be there this weekend?”

“I’ll ask my mom and get back ta ya on that.”

Jay looked at Tim, “Wanna meet your mini you?”

Tim shook his head, “I would love to, but it’d be odd for a random civilian to be hanging out with two vigilanties.”

Jason was currently in the middle of whipping up his second batch of raspberry meringue cookies– by hand– when both Bruces decided to corner him.

Honestly he wishes it was Dick. At least he could get him to eat half of the cookies to then justify Jason making more.

“Jay, lad, your baking is really good, and we all enjoy it, but…” Older Bruce looked at the multiple tupperware and gallon sized ziplock bags filled with assorted cookies and cakes, “I think it’s beginning to teeter on the excessive side.”

He looked up from examining his peaks and determined they weren’t stiff enough, “This isn’t nearly enough. I was planning on bringing these to the homeless shelter for easter.” He continued whisking the meringue.

Younger Bruce picked up a Robin themed Peep he made and squished it, “Easter’s not for a week, Jason. You’ve also been stress cooking for a while. What’s got you all strung up?”

“Strung up? I’m not strung up. In fact, I’m Pinocchio after he got turned into a real boy. I got no strings on me.” He started whisking the meringue faster. That was probably the worst lie he’s ever lied.

There was a sharp inhale from the doorway as Jay crutched in, “If you’re Pinnochio, your nose is gonna poke a hole straight through the wall.”

Jason inspected the meringue peaks again, and was unsatisfied. “And yours could touch the moon.”

Jay froze as both Bruces immediately frowned at Jay, but Jason only needed younger Bruce to scrutinize Jay, so he gave him the boxes of raspberries, and pointed to the sink.

Younger Bruce held up the Peep, “Peep, for a peep?”

Jay groaned, “I don’t wanna Peep.” He sat down on the kitchen stool and leaned his crutches against the countertop.

“But he does have something to Peep.” Jason added.

Older Bruce set the raspberries down next to Jason, “Can we stop saying Peep?”

Jay’s eye twitched as he glared at Jason, so Jason just grinned back.

Younger Bruce was looking at Jay patiently as the kid played with a part of his knee brace, “I’m pretty sure I have…” He clamped his jaw, and then took a deep breath, pressed his lips together, “...no interest in finding a partner of any sorts.” He held up little jazz hands, “I’m Aro/Ace.”

Jason set his forehead down on the countertop, and banged it once, “That’s… not what I wanted him to tell you. I did not mean to out him.”

Younger Bruce ruffled Jay’s hair, “Either way I’m proud of you, Jason.” Bruce gave him a small smile, and Jay leaned in closer. “Ok, so you’re pretty sure you have what?”

Jay looked up at Bruce, “A new Robin I would like to pass the mantle to. I’m also planning on telling Dick when I visit him next week.”

Jason made a buzzer noise, “Nope, Try again.”

Jay scowled, cracking his fingers,“I also might’ve told Stephanie Brown that I was Robin.”

Younger Bruce frowned, “You what?”

“Bruce, I think she’s a really good person, and I trust her.”

Older Bruce cleared his throat, “It takes us some time, but we trust her too. In our timeline, she becomes Robin for a brief period of time, and she’s currently Batgirl.”

“I was actually debating on making her Robin. I guess she’ll be the backup if Tim says no.” He turned back to younger Bruce,“She’s a good person. We’re also planning on visiting the kids in Gotham General as Robin and Spoiler this weekend.”

Jason paused, “The kids who… have been affected by rogue attacks, or who are… sick?” Because, yeah, Jason tries to make it a point to help out in Leslies clinic, but seeing the patients who have been diagnosed with cancer is always hard. Mainly because Leslie’s clinic doesn’t have the resources to give those patients proper care.

Jay's face contorted like he ate something sour, “Fuck you.” He spat out, standing up and grabbing his crutches, “You’re not Jason Todd, you’re a shitstain of an excuse that crawled out of his grave.”

And suddenly he was 19 again. Coming home soaked in blood wondering if he was tainting his own memory. He was 18 staring at an empty grave knowing the kid who died would’ve hated the person he became. He was 17 holding a detonator in his hand; not recognizing the person he saw in the mirror.

But this wasn’t about him. This was about a 16 year old kid with cancer, who was too afraid to tell his dad about it for God knows what reason. And Jason has just been prodding and prodding, and– “Jason–”

“I don’t need a dead man’s opinion on how to live.” He crutched out of the kitchen and Jason started to follow him when younger Bruce grabbed his wrist.

Jason twisted his wrist out of the hold and pointed in Bruce’s face, “Watch the damn cookies. And don’t you dare eavesdrop.”

He continued after Jay, “Wait, Jason, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jay started hopping up the stairs, “I– Don’t– want– to–” He almost missed the step, but he landed on his bad leg to regain his balance. Jason supported him by the armpits and slowly lowered him to the ground before he could go crashing down.

Jay’s eyes began to water and face screwed up. He punched Jason in the chest, which hurt, but he stayed still as Jay attempted to get back up, but failed. He punched him again, “I hate you!” It could probably be heard from every point in the manor, “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

Each hate was reinforced with a punch, each one with less power behind it, until Jay was sobbing into his chest, “I want them here. Why aren’t they here? I just want Mami and Papi.”

Jason felt his eyes start to burn as he wrapped his arms around the kid.

“And I-I love Bruce and Alfred, but I want them. I miss them. I-I need– I needed them.”

Jason nodded, trying to figure out something to say, but he couldn’t. His heart had crept into his throat and was squeezing his vocal chords.

He… He needs to be a real adult and tell Bruce. None of the sideways routes to get Jay to spill. He has to be direct.

After Jay stopped crying, Jason made sure he got up the stairs safely and went back down to the kitchen where younger Bruce looked like he was having a crisis and older Bruce was staring at the cookies. He would’ve laughed at the sight if it weren’t for the circumstances.

“Bruce, Jay–”

Bruce picked up his head so fast, he probably got whiplash, “You died?”

“Yes. But Jason–”

“Died, as in, your heart stopped.”

“Yeah, but that’s not important–”

“Not important? Jason you died.”

Jason blinked, “Yeah, but you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. Jason–”

“I do not think I am focusing on the wrong thing. Why are you so calm about this?”

He groaned, “It happened like… eight years ago. This body doesn’t even have any of the same cells as the one that was buried–”

“Buried?”

Jason threw his hands in the air, “Whadaya think Bruce did with my body? Kept it on a table for six months?”

“Six months? I thought your heart just stopped, and then CPR! How–”

“Oh so you accept Superman coming back, no problem, but when it’s me, suddenly it’s impossible.”

“He’s Kryptonian! And you–” Bruce buried his face in his hands, “you would’ve been… you wouldn’t have known–”

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal when Jason–”

Bruce uncovered his face, leaving only bafflement, “Am I not allowed to be distraught over my son dying?”

“Yes! You’re allowed to be! But I am not your son. Your son ha–”

“But you are my son! Doesn’t matter what universe. In every universe you exist, I will always see you as my son, and I will always want the best for you–”

“It never ends well for me!” His voice cracked on the last word.

Bruce frowned and took a step forward, “What– what do you mean by that?”

“Fuck.” He ran his hand down his face, “You’re watering the wrong plant.”

That seemed to snap Bruce out of his state of distraught, sending him out of the kitchen.

Jason went back behind the counter to pipe more meringue roses, but found himself just staring at the tray.

He couldn’t even tell him.

He literally took over the Gotham drug trade before he could legally drink, and he couldn’t tell a father that his son had a tumor.

“Jason, are you alright?”

He snapped out of whatever trance he was in, “I just hate April.”

Bad news is, Bruce definitely knows something’s wrong and is very much doing his hovering but in the Batman way– thing.

Good news is, because Jay dropped the Dead-Jason bomb, he was hovering around Jason and not Jay.

Bad news is, Jay feels super guilty for all the things he said to him, especially considering he stayed with him while he was having his episode, and even though he’s been a complete ass about it, he still hasn’t told Bruce or Alfred about the tumor.

Good news, Bruce let him drive the Batmobile to Gotham general since grappling wouldn’t work well with his knee, and Alfred couldn’t drop them off unless they wanted to risk their secret identities.

He pulled up right next to Spoiler, and rolled down the window, “Get in loser, we’re going shopping.”

Jay was 90% sure that Stephanie was grinning under the mask as she slid in, “Wait, how are you drivin’ with your knee?”

“When your partners are generally under the age of 16, you tend to realize that autopilot features are more practical.”

She nodded and glanced at all the buttons, “I’m assumin’ you’re gonna to tell me not to touch any of them.”

“Most of them are speed enhancers or shock absorbers. You can touch them, but they won’t activate unless we’re going over 70mph.” Product of Dick’s ADHD.

“Is there an aux cord?”

“Dude, there’s bluetooth.”

Jay parked the Batmobile in an alleyway a couple buildings from Gotham General. Did that mean he had to crutch around farther? Yes. But Bruce told him he can’t just park the Batmobile in a normal parking space. Was that a while ago? Yes, and he didn’t think to ask if the rules change if he has a broken knee.

“Oi, Tinky-Winky, would ya mind grabbing the cookies in the trunk?”

“‘Course, Mike Wazowski.” She went around back, “How the fuck do I open this.”

It took them about 15 minutes to walk into Gotham General, mainly because of Jay's incredible crutching skills, and when they got there the receptionist was not impressed.

“What’s with the cosplay kids? If you’re gonna commit to being Robin, ya gotta at least wear the short shorts.”

Jay gave the receptionist (Drew) his signature Robin grin, “I wore the short shorts for almost four years. I got the road rash to prove it.”

“Look kid, if ya wanna get your knee checked out for free and without anyone contacting CPS, try the free clinic in Park Row. Ya don’t needa wear your upcycled Halloween costume there.”

“I don’t need my knee–” Well, he does need his knee to be checked out, but that wasn’t why they were there, “I’m really Robin, do you have one of those TSA bucket things? I’m about to start pulling outa buncha bat-themed things.”

Drew rolled their eyes, then looked around and gave him one of those empty paper bins. He started with his utility belt, “Ok, so I have my rebreather, some batarangs, and my grapple gun.” then he moved to his right pocket, “Some tranquilizers, a lockpick, and a universal tool,” He reached into his left pocket, “smoke pellets, bat-bolas,” He then reached into the pocket that was near his left knee, “A first aid kit, various antidotes to fear toxin, Ivy’s spores and Joker Venom and… some bat shaped goldfish.” He grinned, “I also have some stickers in the pocket under my brace.”

They blinked, “How do you fit all of that…?”

Jay gave her a little shrug, “Because I’m Robin.” He began taking the things and putting them back in its place.

Stephanie stole the goldfish before Jay could put them back in his pocket, “We heard there was a Robin superfan, and we just wanted to say hi.”

“Let me check with Pediatrics.” Drew dialed a number, “Hey Ruth, I have Robin and one of his caped friends down here. Think I can send them up?” a pause, “Hold up, let me ask,” They looked back to them, “How long are ya kids free till?”

Jay looked to Stephanie, “I’m free for the whole day, but I’m your ride home.”

She shrugged, “I just gotta be home for dinner.”

“Before the sun sets. We took the Batmobile.”

Drew nodded, “The kids are sayin’ around 7:30. So that’s about four hours in each unit.” Another pause, “Well, I can give ‘em the bands, but you’re gonna have to figure that out.” another pause, “I’ll send them up in like… five minutes. Oh and Robin’s on crutches.”

Drew settled them with visitor passes, and Stephanie traded them for a ziplock of cookies, and they hobbled to the elevator, and went to the pediatrics floor.

They met Ruth, who was a sweet old lady that almost refused the cookies they had brought, but did for the sake of her colleagues, and guided them to the Medical Unit.

Jay decided to leave his crutches at the door (even though Ruth protested about bones not healing right– The bones weren’t growing right in the first place) just to preserve a bit more of the Robin magic. The brace and the limp were already breaking the illusion, he didn’t need the crutches to completely shatter that.

Maybe… maybe that’s why he couldn’t tell Bruce about the tumor. Because when they put on the capes they became close to gods. Except Jay could no longer be extraordinary because his bones were growing wrong. Something in his cellular makeup was fundamentally flawed.

No.

Today is not about him. It’s about these kids. And they deserved to be blithe. So Jay refused to let himself allow any negativity take over his consciousness. Not when all these kids’ spirits were immediately lifted just because Robin had come to visit them.

And he was glad Steph was with him, because even though not many of the kids knew who she was, they ended up adoring her. She somehow knew every time when Jay’s energy started to run low and found ways to keep the kids from noticing that.

They took a break around 2:30 for a late lunch, where Jay once again rested his eyes.

“What’s got you so tired? I thought you were off the night shift.”

“Knee won’t let me sleep.” It’s become more of a routine. Resting during lunch because he couldn’t fall asleep due to the stabbing bone pains in his knee.

“Why not just take ibuprofen or something?”

He shook his head. Even though he took it when he had those fevers, he’s not going to take it for pain he can power through. “Even if they’re in fancy packaging, I can never really trust them.”

She slowly nodded, “I think I get it. My mom got hurt when I was younger. Now, she’s…never off the painkillers.”

“My mom–” he played with the velcro on his brace, “She, uh, she had cancer. After a while we couldn’t afford chemo. So she switched to painkillers. Every once in a while they were laced.” He shrugged. “I guess seeing that at a young age hardwired something in my brain.” He doesn’t usually talk to anyone about this. Yeah, he’s changing the topic, “The Wayne foundation has a rehab unit. I, uh, added things into the program that I thought would help. Obviously it’s your mom’s choice, but you guys can talk to Bruce…Wayne about it when you’re ready.”

“Thanks Robin.” She placed a hand on his arm, “And I’m sorry about your mom.” She paused and frowned, “We’re goin’ into the Oncology unit next. Are you gonna be ok?”

He gave her a small smile, “It happened a while ago. I’m fine about it now.” He’s ignoring the fact that he was crying for her like a much smaller child four days ago.

He’s also ignoring genetics and how technically he’s not fine about it now because it’s really cutting him off at the knee right now. Haha, that was kinda funny.

Not really.

If the tumor grows too large he might have to get his leg amputated. Was it already too big? He… he hasn’t really been thinking about that. Mami didn’t have to get her arm amputated. They caught the tumor early enough to scrape it off and blast any of the remaining bad cells with chemo.

…If the tumor grew too big it could kill him. And Bruce and Alfred and Dick– they’d all be–

He stood up.“I’m gonna call B real quick. Tell him how we’re doin’.”

Stephanie nodded, “Can I have your sandwich?”

“Knock yourself out.”

He hobbled over to the family bathroom, shut the door behind him and pulled his phone out.

All he had to do was tell him. Three words. I have cancer. That’s all. They were just three words. They were each words that have been in his vocabulary since he was little. They weren’t foreign. They were just words.

Words are easy.

He pressed on Bruce’s number, and waited as the line rang.

He could say it.

Three words.

I have cancer.

He would say it.

“Jay, Lad. How’s the visit going?”

“It’s goin’ good. It’s goin’ good.” He rubbed the knot forming in his chest, “All the kids love Spoiler by the way.”

Bruce chuckled, “I already said I trust your judgment, I just need more time.”

“Yeah, I know.” It’s just three words, “Hey Bruce?”

“Yes, Jason?”

Three words. He could say three words, “I… love you.”

Those… were the wrong three words. He’s a wimp. He’s a schemiel. He’s the biggest cream puff to ever cream.

There was the sound of something dropping, then a pause, “Is everything alright?”

It’s ok. He can still tell him. He can– “We’re about to go to the pediatrics oncology unit.”

“Will you be alright? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

He shook his head, “Nah, I’m alright. Besides, I still haven’t met the kid Stephanie was talking about.” Yeah, all the kids were excited to see him, but the way most of the parents acted wasn’t the way a parent acted when their child was meeting their hero.

Wait, he’s distracting himself, “Bruce, I–”

“Do you want me to swing by?”

He paused. Letting the blood rush in his ears from the words left unsaid, “Yeah.”

“Ok. I have a couple things to finish up, but I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

“Ok.” Jay was about to hang up.

“I love you too, Jay. You mean the world to me.”

“Yeah.” He sucked in a breath, “Cool. Amazing. I’m gonna hang up now. Bye. See ya.” He hung up and tapped his phone against his forehead.

It’s ok.

It was better this way. It was definitely a conversation that was better to have in person.

Obviously he wouldn’t tell Bruce in front of the kids, or in front of Stephanie, but he’d tell him.

He’d tell him.

He went back out to where Stephanie was, only to find her talking with Ruth. Break’s over.

It was… It was a lot harder trying to stay upbeat for these kids. He was acting like a lifeboat for these kids and their parents, when really he was being pulled into the same riptide.

At least the nurse (Nancy) who was guiding them through was nice about it. She’d take a little longer while walking to the next room, pause in front of the door to tell them the kid’s name and if they were more shy or talkative. If today was a good day or a bad day. Then she’d take her time while telling the parents– she’d just give them more time.

Then Batman came, and Jay doesn’t know if that was better or worse.

It was better for Stephanie. Since Bruce was there she let herself slip out, if the kid didn’t seem to pay Spoiler any mind. It made guilt bubble in his stomach.

Maybe it was better for Jay, because Bruce knew him better. That also made it worse. But better. It was better.

They paused in front of the only door they hadn’t been to in the wing, “So this is our last kiddo of the day, Evelyn. She’s nine and she’s a big fan of yours. We saved her for last so she could have the most time with ya, Robin. She says she met you a while back, so– well, ya know to at least pretend to remember her even if you don’t.”

He leaned his shoulder against the wall for support, “Nanc, have I let you down at all so far today?”

“Yes. You’ve been walking around without your crutches. Giving all the medical professionals around here aneurysms.” though she said it with a playful grin, so she couldn’t be too upset. “She’s been pretty chipper all day, so, this’ll be great.” Nancy slipped into the room to give the parents a heads up. After a minute she peeked back out, motioning her head towards the room.

Jay stopped fidgeting with the end of his cape and followed Nancy in.

He gave a little salute to the dad, and who he assumed to be her older sister, who was filming. When he was in the girl’s line of sight, she gasped, “Robin! You came!”

The memory of a seven year old girl lost in Robinson park during an Ivy breakout was brought to the front of his mind. He remembers playing on the monkey bars with her while they waited for both Batman and her dad to find them. “Of course I did.” He looked back at Nurse Nancy, “Ya may not know this, but Evelyn and I go way back.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed, gesturing to Stephanie, “This is my friend Spoiler, and you remember Batman. From last time. God, it feels like it’s been forever. Ya haven’t gotten caught up in any of Ivy’s schemes recently, have ya?”

She grinned at his recognition, “I haven’t, but by the looks of it, you have.” She pointedly looked at his knee brace.

“Puh-lease, ya really think someone could get the jump on me?” He lightly smacked the side of his brace, “This was a product of my own demise. Really I’m my own worst enemy.”

“We kinda match.” Evelyn shuffled around the blankets, showing off a yellow cast over her knee.

He froze. Huh, he guessed they did match. “Can I sign it?”

She looked at him with stars in her eyes, “You really wanna sign it?”

“What’s the point of having a cast if it’s not decorated?” He reached into his back pocket to grab a sharpie.

Stay gold, ~Robin and then he started doodling a bunch of bats.

They continued talking– something about a tv show about a ladybug and a cat who were also magical superheroes– then she started talking about Harry Potter, so Jay obviously recommended Percy Jackson. Then she started talking about a tv show about gem people? And the universe? At least Stephanie understood the tv references and apparently her favorite stone was amethyst. Which made sense, because of the whole purple theme.

He could see the moment Evelyn’s Dad built up the courage to actually talk to Batman, “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to my daughter and– thank you.”

Bruce hummed, turning his gaze from Jay to the man, “Robin has a big heart, so when Spoiler suggested visiting…”

“Wait, I gotta show you my drawings!” Jay turned his attention back to Evelyn as she reached for the bedside tray, but it was too far from her reach.

She started to turn around to grab it, but her sister stopped her before she could hurt her leg in the process, “Let’s slow down a bit here. Robin’s not gonna magically disappear without saying goodbye.” Her sister moved the tray closer to Evelyn and sat down at the foot of the bed. Now that the camera wasn’t covering her face, he was pretty sure she was in his physics class. Crazy small world. Her name was Reagan.

Evelyn grabbed the papers off of the tray and handed them to Jay, “This one’s of you and me playing on the playground, because we never go to go on the slide, or the swings and those are the best parts of a playground.”

Jay grinned, “I would say the best part of a playground is the merry-go-round.”

Evelyn’s Dad turned to fully face Bruce, “It still means a lot. You and Robin saving the little things.”

“This isn’t a little thing at all. If someone hurts Robin, I can punch them back. With this–”

“This one's you and Batman taking a vacation because Reggie says you guys really need one,”

“--You’re much braver than I am, Mr. Harris.” Bruce looked back at Jay, “I don’t know what I would do if I found out one of my sons were sick.”

“--and this one… this one is you fighting Cancer for me.”

Jay forced himself not to freeze. He kept his eyes glued on the drawing of Robin zapping a glob that was presumably cancer with the bat-cancer-be-gone ray, while Evelyn stood behind him.

Jay took a deep breath, “Here’s the thing about Cancer. Its power is that it multiplies. If I tried to fight it alone, it could just multiply and take over.” The words clawed at his throat with hypocrisy. He undid the clasp to his cape, “but if we have more people to help us, like your doctor, and the nurses, and your Dad, and Reagan helping us, and we use chemo warfare–” He placed the cape over her shoulders, blinking because the lenses of his domino were starting to fog up, “And a little bit of Robin Magic, I think– I think we can fight Cancer. Together. And win.”

Evelyn leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his torso in a hug, “Ya really think so, Robin?”

He returned the embrace, nodding, “Yeah. You’ll win.”

They dropped Stephanie back off in the Burrows, when Jay realized they weren’t headed back to the manor. They were going deeper into the city.

Bruce must have sensed his confusion, but he didn’t say anything to clarify his thought process. However, Jay didn’t ask, because eventually they got to Wayne Tower, and Bruce grappled them to the top, so they were overlooking Gotham.

If there was any time to tell Bruce, it would be that moment. Or maybe it was probably when they were in the car, or when he broke his knee, or right after he got that first fever. But the past was the past, and he had to tell Bruce. He’s held it off for long enough.

He kicked his leg, “Hey Bruce?”

Batman grunted in acknowledgement. Cape fluttering in the wind.

“Thanks for bein’ here for me.” He wrung out his fingers.

He felt Bruce’s gaze turn to him, “I know I am not the best at communicating, but I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Jay searched Bruce's eyes, wishing he wasn’t wearing the stupid cowl.

It’s just three words. He could say them. He inhaled slowly and opened his mouth to–

“I’m proud of you, Jason.”

He was going to scream. He was going to throw up. The unsaid words felt like they were growing and growing and soon they would be stuck in his throat, never to escape. “Bruce, I–”

“I mean it. I know it was tough for you, but you still tried your best to brighten up each one of those kids’ day. And you did. Just like you have mine, every single day since you hit me with that tire iron. You have a big heart, Jay. One that has grown with time.” Bruce paused, before placing his hand on top of Jay’s, “I think you would’ve made her so incredibly proud. Your mother. And your father. They would be proud of the man you’ve become, and the future you’re striving for. I know I am.”

His eyes began to burn as the lenses to his domino fogged up. No. He wasn’t going to cry. He had to be strong while he told Bruce. He had to be.

Jay scooted closer to Bruce, who opened up an arm to wrap part of his cape around Jay, holding him closer than he usually did. Like a subconscious part of him knew that Jay was slowly slipping away. “What we do– it’s dangerous. If you– If what happened to–” Bruce paused and took a deep breath, “I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to live. I am beyond grateful you’re hanging up the cape.” Bruce rested his chin on top of Jay’s head, “Though I’m gonna miss having you by my side.”

“You’ll make sure to watch your six? And not spook any kids? You’ll–” His mouth twitched into a frown, which he immediately tried to turn around, but it was like the muscles in his face weren’t connected to his brain, “You’ll be ok without me?”

“Jay, lad, I’ve been at this for a long time. I think I’ll do fine. Besides, you said you had a successor in mind.”

“I gotta get Dick’s blessing first. Then I’ll tell you. But they also have to agree, and it’ll still take a while for them to get up to Robin standards, and—”

“There’ll be some adjustments, but you’ll still be close. If I’m ever in any real trouble, I trust you just as much as I trust Dick. Active vigilante or not.”

Jay undid the top velcro on his brace and then tightened it. He has to be strong. He has to tell him. He undid the velcro again and then refastened it. Then again and again and–

“Jason, I know you probably feel guilty right now, but you deserve to be happy. This doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to be. I want you to be happy and let yourself move forward. No matter what that path looks like, or how many times you change directions, I’ll support you.”

He focused on the sliver of golden on the horizon, peaking through the cityscape, “I need to quit. Being a hero, it just– it won’t work anymore.” He took a deep breath, trying to sync up with the rise and fall of Bruce’s chest.

He had to be strong.

He had to tell him. “I…”

‘I don’t know what I would do if I found out one of my sons were sick.’

“...Just realized, this is our last time out as Batman and Robin together.”

He would tell Bruce. Just not now. Not when it’s supposed to be a happy moment.

“It is, isn’t it?”

He looked up at Bruce, “We had a good run.”

Jason wanted to go home. The longer Jay held out telling Younger Bruce that he had cancer, the more likely it was that Bruce was going to pummel him for not telling him that his son was terminally ill. And it’s not like Jason hadn’t tried multiple times. He’s tried cornering him in the study, where it just turned into another conversation about his death. He tried telling him in the Batcave, but there was an emergency and Batman was needed, and he tried telling him while Jay was visiting the hospital, but then he got a phone call and had to leave.

Not to mention, the anniversary of his death was slowly creeping up on him, and he couldn’t even be alone because they were kind of stuck in the manor until they were found and brought back home.

How long does it take to find someone? Three someones? It’s not like Tim and Babs had to build a whole new machine. Obviously, time could be passing differently for them, but the more time they took the wider his gaping hole of guilt grew.

That was why he was currently encoding a message to add to the beacon that read ‘Come quick. I keep dying. This isn’t fun anymore. ~JT”

Suddenly, a hand rested on the back of the Batchair, and out of instinct, Jason was about to punch the person it belonged to, when he realized it was just Alfred.

And then he realized it was Alfred, the person he’s been trying his hardest to avoid because he would immediately know Jason was hiding something and he would feel guilty for lying to him.

“Master Jason, when was the last time you slept?”

Jason grinned, “Last night.” Albeit, it was only an hour or two because his mind has decided he isn’t allowed any peaceful dreams, but it was the truth, “Personally, I think you should be asking younger Jason that. That kid’s eye bags could replace his backpack and still have extra room.”

Jason knew he messed up when Alfred made his ‘that is precisely the topic I wished to discuss with you’ face. “So you know what is troubling the young master?”

“I’m not talkin’ to the kid.” He felt like a stupid little kid who had just been caught and was now grasping for any excuse.

He could tell him. He could tell Alfred and then this whole nightmare would be– it wouldn’t be over, it would probably get worse, but sometimes things need to get worse before they get better.

He took in a deep breath, “Jason–”The door of the elevator in the batcave dinged, and out came the kid in question. “...Has something to tell you.”

Why in the world could he not get the goddamned words out? It was like some mystical force was stopping him from doing so.

Jay froze and gave Jason a pointed look, but then looked to Alfred, “Yeah, I do! I was wondering if Jason and Dick could come with me to visit the Titans. Apparently Roy, Donna and Kori really wanna meet you two.”

Jason stared at Jay.

Jay shrugged all innocently, “Dick said your deathiversary was soon too, so maybe being out of town for that would be a way to take your mind off…of…it?”

Jason turned to Alfred, “Can you tell your grandson that I am not talking to him.”

He raised an eyebrow, “And why might that be? I thought Master Jason had apologized to you for his outburst from the other day.”

“He knows why.”

Alfred looked from Jason to Jay, then back to Jason, “Well, I can assure you, I am not keen on playing telephone. I expect you both to have sorted out your issues before you make your way back upstairs.”

And with that, Alfred left.

And Jason, being the stubborn man-child he was, refused to talk.

“I really am sorry for throwin’ your death in your face.”

Jason glared at him.

“Ok, I know that’s not what you’re angry at me for, but can you really be angry at me for havin–”

Jason got up to leave. Jesus Christ, was he always this difficult?

“Hold up–Wait! I tried to tell Bruce, I really did! Multiple times. But every time I tried he would interrupt me, or it wasn’t the right time, and if ya really think about it, it’s kinda better this way–”

Jason turned around, baffled, because “Better this way? Please, explain to me how letting’ a tumor grow is better than tellin’ your guardian you’re sick.”

Jay paused, “When you put it like that, it sounds bad– but if I tell Bruce now, it’ll be nothin’ but x-rays and MRIs and blood tests, and then surgery and–”

Jason was going to smack his skull open on the stalactites.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, and I will… eventually… do those things, but knowin’ Bruce, if I tell him now, he’ll make me cancel my trip to New York.” Jay dragged the stool from the workbench closer to him and sat down, “What if I can’t tour Columbia by the time it’s gone? It’s my dream school. How can ya expect me to just throw away my dreams? The moment we come back from New York, I promise I’ll tell Bruce. I just want the week with the Titans to be…normal before everythin’ falls to pieces.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose as his intestines braided themselves together in a knot. Why was he about to… “If you don’t tell him as soon as we’re back, I’m gonna. Are we clear?”

“Yes.” Relief flooded onto Jay’s face, “Thank you.”

(Author here! We’re about to go to Titans Tower, and I’ve been re reading comic storylines and I don’t know what lineup I want, so, I am mixing and matching, so please don’t come at me. Also, my main knowledge of the Titans come from the show Teen Titans, so just a heads up if they’re not how they are in the comics. I also really wanted Raven in this, but if timelines are timelining, she should be evil right now, so… I guess that works in my favor plot-wise, but gosh darn it, I really wanted Raven in here. Oh well)

Out of everyone, Jason was pretty sure Dick was the most excited to see the Titans, which made sense, because Jason barely knew them at this age, and Jay had the impending doom of talking to Bruce about cancer. Jason also had the impending doom of getting the snot beaten out of him.

Still there was an odd energy about Dick. Like he didn’t also fully like the idea of seeing the Titans again. Which was somewhat understandable, because Kori was his ex and yada yada yada. Also, something about the wedding not working out because Raven went evil and crashed the whole thing. Maybe Dick should’ve given them a heads up on that, but also, props to Raven. It was pretty badass. Apparently Dick and Kori were still together, from what Jason could piece together, but honestly, he barely tried to understand their relationship on a normal day, and he wasn’t going to start trying now.

They were in the elevator when Jay’s eyes blew wide and he started digging through his backpack, pulling out a bottle of cheap cologne and spraying it on his chest and the backs of his knees.

Dick coughed, “That’s a bit too much there, Jay. Are you trying to assault Gar’s nose?”

Jay raised his eyebrows, “Yeah, actually.”

The elevator door dinged open and they walked into the living room of the Tower, just as Jason realized Jay was doing it to get Gar off the cancer scent.

He scanned the room and groaned when he realized who was in the room.

Jay followed Jason’s gaze, smile immediately dropping into a scowl, “What are you doing here?”

“Kyle! Hey, what’s up, man!” Dick strode over to shake Rayner’s hand.

“Nothing much,” Rayner light heartedly clapped Dick’s back, “Got back from the Oa a couple days ago.” He turned his gaze to Jason looking him up and down, before turning to Jay, “There’s no way your five foot ass grows to be that.”

Jay crossed his arms, “I am five foot four, Elphaba.”

“Jason.” Dick gave Jay his ‘be nice’ look.

Jason nudged Jay, “Yeah. Don’t disrespect the Witch of the West like that.” He gave Kyle a wicked grin, causing the dude’s mouth to open slightly, “Besides, he’s like Rango.”

Kyle’s ring dimmed, before he grit his teeth, causing it to brighten again, “I’m gonna get dick– or Donna. I’m gonna get Donna.” and then he sped off.

Jay grinned and held out a hand for a low five, which Jason obviously returned.

Dick looked from the door Rayner exited from to Jay, “Hold up, why don’t you like Kyle?”

“He doesn’t like me.” Jay moved to sit on the couch, “If you’re asking me to be polite with him, I’m not gonna. I don’t owe him nothin’. In fact, he–”

Suddenly a toddler came out of nowhere running straight for Jay, “JAYBIRB!!”

Since when have there been toddlers in Titans Tower?

Jay’s face immediately lit up, “Lian! H–ow, watch the knee, how have the Tiny Titans been?”

“Miwage dwowned in da toiwet.”

If that was Lian then…Jason and Dick immediately turned to the door, “Roy!”

Roy grinned and walked over to ruffle Jay’s hair, “Hey guys, how're you liking our reality?”

Dick leaned against the couch, with a grin, “It’s a lot better than most of the realities we’ve been to, that’s for sure.”

Ya know who’s going to actually beat up Jason? Dick. He was going to pummel him for not telling.

Roy turned to Jason, “Puberty hit you like a freight train.”

“It was the forbidden Mountain Dew.”

Roy nodded, “Dick said something about a Lazarus Pit. He was ranting about Talia when he came back last month.”

“Oh my god. Did he say anything about her kidnapping me? Because she didn’t.”

Roy looked to Dick, who nodded and mouthed the words ‘she totally did.’

“If you continue to scorn her, I will tell Damian, and we’ll both stab you together.”

Jay looked over the couch at them, “Who’s Damian?”

Dick opened his mouth to respond, when Victor and Gar walked in, causing Jay to sit in a way that was forced to be casual, “Hey guys!”

Gar immediately sniffed, and then sneezed, looking at Jay with a frown, “Are you wearing Nautica?”

He gave him little finger guns, “It’s… Adidas.” Jay grinned, in a ‘my lies have worked’ sort of way.

“It’s… too much, that’s what it is, Brah.”

“You vaguely smell like the boy’s locker room.” Victor went to sit next to Jay, where Lian immediately started playing with the blue lightbulb things in his cyberskeleton. “I saw videos from you visiting that hospital. Is Robin taking a more domestic approach to vigilantism?”

“Sure,” Jay crossed his arms, sank deeper into the couch, and gave Victor a half smile “But not in the way you’d think.” Just then, younger Dick and Kori walked in. Minus Donna, Jason was pretty sure that was the current Titans lineup, so… Jay snorted, “Looks like Kyle’s officially useless.”

Younger Dick looked like he was about to lecture Jay about being nice but his expression turned to concern, “Have you been eating enough?”

“Hi Kori, hello to you too, oh least favorite brother of mine.”

“I–” Dick frowned, “Did Bruce adopt another one?”

“Nah. Not yet at least.” Jay carefully stood up and gestured to the rec room “I actually wanted to talk with you about something.”

Jay crutched over to sit on the armchair in the rec room as Dick closed the door, “Is everything ok?”

The concern on his face was clear as day. And Jay knew before coming that he would notice something was up. He was sure the only reason he had Bruce and Alfred and everyone in the manor relatively fooled is because they’ve seen him every day while his health declined. Dick on the other hand– the last time he saw him was a month ago while he was dancing, flipping, and singing on stage. Now, Jay could barely make it up a flight of stairs without being winded.

But this was supposed to be a fun, happy trip. For his future. He doesn’t want to think about a stupid tumor that will be gone hopefully before Christmas.

Maybe he could write his Common App essay on it.

“Jason?” Somehow Dick had made his way towards him and was now sitting on the arm of the couch Jay was on.

He blinked. Thoughts. Right. Words, “Whaddya think about Tim?”

Dick tilted like he didn’t understand what Jason was getting at, “I think he’s nice. I’m glad to see you making friends.”

“Ok, cool. That’s great. So, I’ve been trainin’ him, but not like too much, with simulations, I haven’t told Bruce yet, but I think, he’s a good fighter and–”

“Time out,” Dick held up a hand, “I think you’re forgetting to mention a couple of things. What are you training him for?”

“To be Robin. Duh. What else? I’m askin’ if ya think he’d be a good fit. Cus ya know, you’re the first.”

There was a pause, “Did… Bruce fire you again?”

Jay shook his head, “Nah, I’m choosin’ to retire. That way things’ll be smoother when I start che…ollege. College.”

Dick smirked, “So you’re planning on filling Bruce’s nest before it becomes empty.”

He tilted his head side to side, “More or less, yeah, but I wanted to get your… blessing? Yeah, blessing, to pass down the mantle.”

“Look at you.” There was a soft smile on his face, “All mature and grown up.” He paused, “But you’re not allowed to be taller than me.”

“Dude… No need to rub it in. I’m not planning on swimming through wiper fluid anytime soon. Or ever.”

“What, Little Wing? Don’t want eternal youth? Ra’s skin is just glowing. Maybe radioactive, but glowing.”

Jay grinned and rolled his eyes, “But seriously, do you think Tim would be a good fit? Cus, if not, I dunno, you can choose–”

“I think Tim’s a great choice. Mainly because the alternate versions of us seem to already know him, but also, you’re the one who currently has the yellow cape. If you think it would fit around Tim’s shoulders, then I support that.”

“...technically, a nine year old has it.”

Dick chuckled and ruffled Jay’s hair, “Then he’s gonna have to get that kid’s approval.” He slid down the arm of the chair so they were both sharing the armchair.

Jay shoved at him, “Get off! Your giant tushie is crushing me!”

Dick, like his namesake, just made himself even more comfortable, “So, are you planning on joining the Titans? Got a new name picked out?”

Jay tried again to make more room for himself to no avail. And God was trying to fight with Dick tiring, so he just crossed his arms, “I told ya. I’m retirin’. No capes. No kevlar. Just Jason Todd-Wayne.”

Dick looked at him like he didn’t believe him, “Like… no more vigilantism. Period.”

“Mmmhm.” he tightened the velcro to his knee brace.

“Are you sure everything is alright?”

He nodded, shifting under Dick’s scrutiny. There’s no way Dick could actually figure out Jay had cancer, though. He might be having the same train of thought older Dick had, but Dick didn’t have enough context clues.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m here if it’s something you feel like you can’t talk to Bruce or Alfred about.” Dick paused, “Or if it’s something you should tell Bruce or Alfred, but just… can’t.”

He could..

No.

Jay had to be the one to tell Bruce. He had to hold it together for him. He couldn’t act like a scared little kid who needed to hide behind his older brother, “I’ve just been pretty stressed recently. And I know that my workload is just gonna get heavier, and I love helping people, and I loved being Robin, don’t get me wrong, but… I can’t anymore.”

“Jason, I’m not going to get angry at you for growing up. I just wanted to make sure you were doing it on your own accord. Not because someone was forcing you to put down the cape.”

“Bruce didn’t fire me again, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Well, yeah, but also, do you want blueberry pancakes?” Code for ‘are you being blackmailed.’

He gave him a small smile, “I’m retirin’ on my own accord. I was plannin’ on doing it eventually, but…” He shrugged, “Universal signs and all that jazz.”

Dick gestured towards the knee brace, “Was it the dislocated knee?”

“Actually, it was getting three fevers in one month.”

“So that’s why you look like a sick Victorian child who just recovered from scarlet fever.”

Jay huffed and leaned back into the couch, “Well that wasn’t a nice thing to say.”

Jason does not understand why he agreed to come here. Yeah, he was kinda friends with Roy, and Kori, and Donna, but not this version of them, and it is so weird being about the same age as all of them.

Currently, Jay, Dick (the younger one) and Donna were touring NYU. Dick (his brother), Roy, Lian, and Gar were outside teaching Lian how to do cartwheels, Kori was out running errands, because now the Titans were throwing Jay a retirement party, and… he had no clue what everyone else was doing.

Doesn’t matter anyways. He was in his own little bubble re-reading A Death in the Family by James Agee because Jason was a masochist and wanted to see if the comic from that one universe drew inspiration from the novel or if they just used the title.

He heard someone entering the room, and based on their gait, it wasn't Cyborg, who tended to have a heavier step, so process of elimination, “Skidaddle, Rayner. You’re infecting the room with green vibes.” Now, did Jason have a reason to hate this version of Kyle? No. Not really. But Jay obviously had his qualms against the dude, so Jason did too.

Rayner, like the nuisance he was, sat down on the couch perpendicular to Jason, “Are you magic or something?”

Was Kyle trying to condescend him? Not him, but Jay, but that was still him. Jason looked up to fix him with a deadpan stare, “Take a wild guess.”

That got Kyle to slightly shift in his seat. Wimp. This wasn’t even his half deadpan. And contrary to popular belief, Jason could be nice, so he went back to reading.

Except someone obviously didn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be bothered and he could feel him staring at him. Back during his multiversal game of cat and mouse, usually when Rayner started staring at him, it ended with fists flying.

“Do I have something on my face?” He asked without looking up from his book. It was probably such a Bruce move, but oh well. Some Batman things work.

“I’m just confused on how you’re supposed to be Robin.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What, picturing me in the green shorts?”

“I wasn’t.” A pause, “It’s just, primary colors don’t seem to fit the ‘Angst Ridden Bad Boy’ aesthetic you’ve got going on. At least the younger Jason’s a theater kid, so it makes–”

Jason side eyed Rayner, “I will smack you back into orbit, if you do not shut your trap.” It was typical of him to somehow jab at him and Jay at the same time.

Kyle just shrugged and flipped the pages of a sketchbook, “Feels like an empty threat, but ok.”

Before Jason could prove him wrong, the elevator opened, and Dick, Donna, and Jay poured out.

“.--the Bobst library was… It probably holds more books than the library on the Watchtower.

God, it was behemothic.” Jay crutched over to the couch Jason was sitting on, handed his crutches to him, and then flopped onto the couch.

Jason balanced the crutches against the couch, “How was NYU?”

“Huge. And… pulchritudinous. In a modern art-deco sorta sense. There’s a lotta windows.” Jay was forcing himself not to breathe heavily, but so he probably wasn’t letting on how tired he actually was.

Dick definitely picked up on it, because he handed Jay a water bottle and sat next to Kyle, catching a glance at his sketchbook, looked at Jason, and then frowned like he was mentally adding a conversation to be had.

Donna sat next to Jay, “The tour guide was nice. She made sure to stop and talk at places where there was seating in case Jason needed a break.”

“Which, I didn’t, because I’m a vigilante, but I took them because a normal civilian wouldn’t have my stamina.”

Dick leaned forwards in his seat, “Sure, Jase. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Except, Jay couldn’t sleep at night. The throb in his knee was pretty much unbearable at this point. The pain was alway worse at night.

He left Dick’s room as quietly as he could– since the guest room had been built, he’d been sleeping there, but since older Jason and Dick were here, he was fine with going back to rooming with Dick. Pillow walls.

He didn’t even know what he was gonna do, walk it off? He could barely do that. Honestly, it made his tibia feel even more like a crispy sponge, rather than a bone. God, that’s basically what it was.

He probably wouldn’t even have his leg for much longer, would he? It’s been at least two months. What if it–

Nope. It probably didn’t. Otherwise he’d feel worse. Right?

Jay was so lost in thought, he almost walked straight into Gar. Who was looking at him like he’d just been shot or–

Fuck.

“I knew it was smelling off earlier… you– Jason, your scent is off.”

He felt his ears start to ring as the blood rushed from his face, “I mean I… am going through… puberty.”

His face contorted into something on the edge of worried and confused, “Jason, you smell like… you smell like a tumor.”

“Maybe… someone on the tour had cancer.”

Gar sniffed again, and slowly shook his head, “Maybe we should go sit down, and then I’ll get Dick–”

“No! Don’t tell him!” It was a whisper shout, but even he could hear the panic in his voice.

He frowned, “You know?”

Welp, there goes plausible deniability. There goes hoping it wasn’t actually cancer and he was just overreacting. “Well… I assumed? I wasn’t fully sure. But I guess, now I know.” He hated the way his voice cracked on that last word. He couldn’t even get angry to get Gar off his back on this because his knee fucking hurt and he just wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t because cancer is stupid. “Just– please don’t Dick. I haven’t even told Batman about it yet–I’ll bake you cookies or something. The jam-filled ones that you like?”

“Dude, you–” Gar covered his face with his hands, and–

This was going to be the end of it wasn’t it? He doesn’t know how he managed to get Jason to agree to keep quiet, but he has a strong feeling he accidentally manipulated him. And currently, the only way he knows how to manipulate Gar is by bribing him.

Gar took in a breath, “When are you planning on telling your boss?”

“When I get back.” He saw him glance at Dick’s door, “Please, Gar. I know that once I get back to Gotham, it’s just going to be test after test, and then treatments until… December at the earliest, and… I just… I need this week to be normal.”

Gar stared at him– no, not at him. Through him. “Ok.” Gar sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “I… I get wanting that week of normal, and I know the testing sucks, but the sooner you start those treatments the sooner you’ll get better, dude.”

“It’s just three days.” Jay of all people knew how much could happen in three days. How things could go horribly wrong over a weekend, “I don’t wanna cause him any grief. Please.”

Gar took one long look at Dick’s door, and then turned around to head back towards his own room, but paused at the door, “My mom bought a box of Hertzoggies after my dad cured me from Sakutia.” He looked back at Jay, “We can share a box of cookies together next year.”

Jay gave him a small smile that hopefully said I don’t think I could ever repay you and I’m sorry for manipulating you even though it was a complete accident and I didn’t know.

He was in a room full of a mountain of red, green, and yellow. But the colors were dull. They weren’t as bright as they should be. They were muddy, and brown and… covered in blood.

Bruce was carrying bodies. One at a time. Each of them in a pristine black suit, placing them each in a coffin. When he looked back to the pile of suits, they were all lined up, each in cases on display. Like a museum of dead robins.

It wasn’t just a museum of dead robins.

It was a museum of dead Jasons.

Each with a plaque at the bottom saying a good soldier, a good soldier, a good soldier.

A uniform too tattered to even tell it was a Robin suit. A uniform covered in ice. A red vest covered in track marks.

A yellow cape with red staining the collar. A case filled with dirt, green gloves barely peeking through the surface. A hollowed out red shirt, intestines still spilling out.

A costume the size of a toddler covered in cocaine.

Why at the bottom of this case was he still a good soldier?

He closed his eyes. He’s seen too much yellow. He’s seen too much green. He’s seen too much red.

It’s too much red.

He bumped into Bruce assembling a case. One that didn’t have a suit inside of it. At least not yet.

Not yet.

Jason was on edge. In all fairness, it was the 26th. But he was going to blame the nightmare and just forget the major trauma anniversary, because hell yeah.

He forced himself not to bake, because younger Dick had put him on cake duty for Jay’s surprise retirement party tomorrow. They’d get the tower ready while Dick, Donna and Jay were touring Columbia.

Honestly, Jason was glad for the distraction planned tomorrow, but that didn’t help him with the fact he needed a distraction today.

He found Jay in the living room, half curled up on the couch, a book close to falling out of his hands, because he was asleep. Didn’t even wake up with Jason’s approach.

He carefully placed a pillow under Jay’s head, and moved the book on the coffee table. Where, from underneath, a green dog was looking at him. But Gar’s body was angled towards the entrance to the living room.

Kinda like he was guarding Jay.

Hold up, Jay wasn’t wearing any cologne to mask the scent of the tumor. So Gar knows. Did… he tell Dick? Because Dick would probably immediately call Bruce, and thank fuck.

But if Dick knew, he would probably call off the retirement party, because lowkey, it’s a happy cancer! Party with context.

So Dick probably didn’t know. So why was Gar keeping this?

He debated asking, but then Rayner walked in the room, looked like he was going to say something, but immediately closed his mouth when Jason shot him a glare– No. When Gar let out a low growl.

Yup. Gar definitely knew. And if that was Gar’s reaction to someone about to get into Jay’s space while he was sleeping, he was trustworthy enough.

Jason exited the living room, dragging Rayner by the upper arm, as they made their way to the stairs, “Wanna spar?”

Kyle frowned and then shrugged, “Ok.”

Boom. Distraction found. And he gets to beat up Rayner.

The next day, Jason was slicing up bananas and a pineapple to go in between the layers of the hummingbird cake he was making, when (his brother) Dick wandered in to check on him.

“Need any help?”

Jason’s knee jerk reaction would’ve been to say no, but something about how close he’d gotten to Dick in the past few months made Jason hold up a banana and the pineapple, “Which would you like to cut? The bananas, or the ananas.”

That caused Dick to grin, “English is so weird. They just had to be special with their pineapple.”

Jason looked at the fruit in question, “It is pine-y, I’ll give it that, but you can not tell me this looks like an apple in the slightest.”

“It's fragrant, and an excellent fruit. Ananas fit so much better.”

Dick took the pineapple and one of the heavy duty knives, and started chopping it up.

Jason finished slicing the bananas, so he moved onto the cream cheese frosting.

Dikc had finished cutting off the peel and had moved to quartering the pineapple, “Do you remember the first time we cooked together?”

“The time when we made the sarmale mofongo fusion, just to see if they’d work out, but then the bat signal went off, so we were rushing to finish off Killer Moth before accidentally burning them?”

“That was one crazy night, wasn’t it?” Dick chuckled, “No, I’m talking about the time we were cooking here. I think you were thirteen? Maybe you had just turned fourteen. It was over that summer.”

Jason frowned, trying to remember, but he couldn’t. If this trip was teaching him anything, it was that he didn’t remember as much as he thought he did. He shook his head.

“We made tochitura together.” He could see Dick smile at himself, “You had to climb the counter to reach the cornmeal for the polenta. And, I had made tochitura with Alfred, and on my own, loads of times before then. And I loved Alfred’s cooking, but there was always something missing.” Dick stopped chopping to look at him, “I’ve had this conversation with the Titans in the past, and I guess the feeling is like missing your parent’s cooking.”

Jason nodded, though he doesn’t think he could remember missing their cooking. Just cooking with them.

“Whenever I cook with you it tastes like… it tastes like them. It tastes like Haley’s. Like a rest stop in the middle of nowhere, and coming back to the stove every five minutes asking when the food will be ready. It tastes like family.”

“Oh.” Jason suddenly had a really dumb thought, “You had a ratatouille moment?”

Dick blinked, “Oh, fuck you, yes. I did. But I was actually getting somewhere.”

“Yeah?”

“That was the moment I knew you were my family. Just wanted to let you know. And, I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Oh.” Jason cleared his throat, and dipped a spoon into the cream cheese frosting, holding out for Dick. “You’re a good older brother.”

The Columbia Campus was supposed to be smaller than the NYU campus. At least that’s what he read online. So It should be less tiring. Which was why Jay decided to leave his crutches in the car. Dick was starting to suspect something was up with him, and he had to prove to him he was ok.

Not prove per-say, just… show.

And ignore the glare Dick gave him when he said he’d be fine without them. What a hypocrite. When he came to yell at Bruce last year, his leg was hurt and he definitely wasn’t using crutches.

The tour group was much bigger than their tour group for NYU, and the tour guide was definitely giving the vibes of not wanting to be there.

Jay, Dick, and Donna, had started off in the front of the tour group when they were at the Manzanita Welcome Desk, but now that they were fifteen minutes into the tour, they were starting to trickle towards the middle.

He had run around the entire city of Gotham while he was homeless. He was not getting tired walking around 32 acres.

He picked up his pace.

A mother of a kid on the tour glanced at him in concern, and he gave her a little smile.

He didn’t need pity. He didn’t need his memory of visiting his dream school to be tainted with the fact that–

No. He’s not even going to think about it right now. He’s just going to finish this tour, talk to some of the academic advisors for the pre-med track, and then, take a big fat nap.

He let himself trickle towards the back of the group, so he wouldn’t hold anyone up. Dick and Donna followed suit.

Donna frowned, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go get your crutches?”

“I’m fine.” but his breaths were coming out heavier. And they were more than a couple steps behind the group now.

The group started to slow as they passed the Alma Mater statue.

The mother from earlier glanced back at them, and then looked at her son pulling out her phone, “Can we pause here? I want to get a photo of my son with the statue.”

The guy’s ear turned pink, “Mom…”

Jay knew she was just being nice. And he was grateful for it, for the wiggle room. But he wasn’t helpless.

He was Robin for crying out loud. He was fighting 4 rogues a week two months ago. He was doing six flips a night six weeks ago, while dancing and singing. He was carrying bodies out of a building rigged to explode less than a month ago.

Yet he couldn’t even keep up with a stupid tour guide who didn’t even want to be there.

He was dully aware of the fact that the mother had finished taking pictures, and they were starting up again.

He was panting, like he’d just run a marathon, and both his legs were aching, and his heart was pounding, and–

How much has his health regressed in the past month?

How close was he to–

He felt the blood drain from every limb in his body, leaving his ears ringing.

The concrete beneath him began to feel like he was lost out in the sea. Tilting from left to right–

Something gripped his upper arm, as he buckled into something firm. Something steady. And he thinks that firm-steady thing was guiding him somewhere.

But he couldn’t breathe. Something was in his trachea and was stopping him from breathing.

What if it was the tumor?

There was a light thumping under his hand, as it slowly rose and fell. “Alright Jason, breathe with me so I don’t look like an idiot over here. In…” His hand rose, “and out…” and fell.

He tried to take a deep breath as his hand rose, but his breath hitched, causing him to fully break down. All he could hear was the static-y sound of blood rushing back into his ears.

“I can’t…”

“You breathe every day Jay. In fact–”

“W-What if I can’t. What if it metastasizes? What if I can’t– what if I can’t go here, and, and never become a doctor and–” He let himself build dreams and he could hear the castles crumbling in the distance.

“Jason?” Dick’s voice was quiet, and barely audible. Dragging Jason back to the present.

They were sitting on the steps next to the Alma Mater. Their tour group was farther off, but not close enough to where they could hear them, and Donna was gone.

Jay wiped his cheeks, frowning, “Where’d Donna…” He trailed off when he saw the look on Dick’s face. When he realized the words he’d let slip out.

“She, uh, she went to go get your crutches.” Dick swallowed, “Jason–” His voice cracked, and his eyes turned glossy. He opened one arm for a hug

Jay’s eyes began to burn again, as he dove into Dick’s embrace, “Please don’t cry.” he mumbled into his shirt.

“I’m not gonna– it’s just allergy season.” though, he could hear how fast Dick’s heart was beating. How short his breaths were.

“I–” it was just three words. Why could he never bring himself to say it? “My mom… she had cancer.”

Dick’s heart changed pace, but his voice was even when he next spoke, “I didn’t know that. What type did she have?”

“Wanky janky bones.”

He felt Dick nod his head slowly.

That was supposed to make him laugh, why wasn’t he laughing?

“Are you sure?”

How much he wished he could say ‘no, I’m not sure, actually, I could just be overthinking’

Jay assumed Dick took his silence as a yes, because he held onto him tighter.

Dick pulled away, to look Jay in the eyes, incredulity clear on his face, “Bruce hasn’t noticed yet, has he? There’s two of them in the manor, how–how’d you get away with– did you not get an x-ray of your knee when you dislocated it? Fuck, you broke it– Is it the same one that’s been bothering you since the musical?”

“...yeah.” Jay undid the velcro to his knee brace and then tightened it. “Uh, I think Bruce forgot about that.”

“Bruce? Forget? We are talking about the same man, right?”

“Yeah…” To be fair, older Jason’s dissociation face was one of the most uncanny valley things Jay’s seen in his life. “To be fair, I am a master at distraction.”

Dick raised his eyebrows, “Is there a reason you’re not telling Bruce?”

“Well, I…” rip, stick, rip, stick. “I dunno. At first I was makin’ sure everything would be in place so that it wouldn’t be like I was… pullin’ the rug out from under Bruce’s feet.”

Dick looked like the puzzle pieces were falling into place. “So… things will be smoother when you start… chemotherapy.”

Jason nodded and started picking at a hangnail, “And once I got everything in place…I just, I could never find the right time to tell Bruce.” Jay chewed the inside of his cheek, “I was close to tellin’ him last week. Back when we were visitin’ all the kids at Gotham General. And he was talkin’ to one of the dad’s and I don’t think there’s gonna be a way for me to tell Bruce without completely throwing him off kilter because he said– Bruce said, ‘I don’t know what I would do if I found out if one of my sons were sick.’ How am I supposed to tell him now?” He leaned into Dick’s shoulder, “I want to tell him. I need to tell him, but–”

“Jason. There’s no ‘buts’ here.” His voice was soft but firm, “Tomorrow, we’ll go back to Gotham together. We’ll sit Bruce down, and if you can’t bring yourself to tell him, I will. Ok?”

Jay nodded. Throat closing up with another whimper he refused to let out.

Dick moved his arm so he was holding Jay more comfortably, and rested his chin on Jason’s head, “Te iubesc.”

I love you.

“Dick…” His eyes burned as he lost any semblance of composure he had gained. As more hot tears rolled down his cheeks. As he buried his face in Dick’s shirt. “I’m so scared.”

“Atunci te voi proteja, aripa mea mică. Mereu.”

Then I’ll protect you, my little wing. Always.

Dick called Donna to ask her to bring the car closer to the Low Memorial Library. They didn’t finish the tour, nor did Jason get to meet with an academic advisor for the pre-med track, they ended up going back to Titans Tower earlier than they had planned

Dick got out of the car and went to help Jay, but he brushed him off, “I’m tired, not helpless.”

Dick opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but stopped himself before he could

This week couldn’t have just been normal like he planned it to be? Why couldn’t his bones just… be normal, and grow how they were supposed to? Why…

Why couldn’t he just have a normal life?

The doors to the elevator opened and suddenly confetti was littering the air, and the first thing his eyes caught sight of was a banner that said “Happy Retirement!”

He could feel the twin cringes from both Donna and Dick. And, since he was an actor he had to play the part. He turned around with his hand covering his mouth, “You guys… you didn’t have to do this for me.”

But, maybe Dick and Donna were way too visibly anguished to the rest of the Titans, to just brush it off, because they had various levels of confusion and concern written on their faces.

Kori was the first to speak up, “What’s wrong?”

Neither Dick nor Donna answered her question, and Jay shrugged and started crutching towards the couch, “Ooh! Cake.”

Almost immediately after he sat down, Lian came running towards him, and pounced, “Happy we-tiwerd-mend!”

Except, she had jumped right onto his knee. Causing numbness to buzz the area before crackling white hot pain took over. And his stupid dry eyes decided they were going to tear up, again.

Suddenly, Roy was squatting in front of him, like he was a little kid, which he wasn’t. He wasn’t. “Are you ok, Jace?”

“Yeah.” He angrily scrubbed at his eyes. He’s been through worse pain, why was he acting like such a baby now. “Tibias are so futile.”

Roy looked confused, but still nodded.

He glanced at older Jason, and– “For fucks sake, half of you already know.” He buried his face in his hands. “One of you guys can share with the class.”

There was a beat of silence before Gar cleared his throat, “Jason, um… Jason has cancer.”

Everyone was frozen in place. Except for Lian, who tugged his sleeve, “What’s cancer?”

Jay gave her a little smile, “It just means I’m sick.”

“Does your tummy hurd? My tummy hurds when I’m sick.”

Jay let out a little chuckle, “Nah, my tummy doesn’t hurt. But I’m a lot more… tired than I used to be.”

“You do look weally tiward.”

“Thanks, Lian. Now that that’s settled, can we have cake?”

No one answered, except for Lian, “I wan cake too!”

He scooted around Roy so he could reach the coffee table and cut a slice for himself and Lian. And sometime while he had moved to cut the cake, everyone had unfrozen and started to move, but he was ignoring them. He was going to enjoy his cake and ignore the pity. He doesn’t need pity.

They were currently back in the guest room where Dick was passive aggressively packing his things, “Why did I think this universe would be any different? This whole time–”

“Oi! You say that like he’s already dead.”

“Positive vibes, my ass.”

“Well, forgive me for trying not to lose my mind while watching different versions of myself die in every single universe we go–”

The door opened, then closed, and there stood younger Dick, “Excuse me, what?” Then he shook his head, “You know what, I– that’s not what I wanted to talk to you guys about, and I’m going to assume that was a hyperbole, and please don’t tell me because I will not be able to focus on what I wanted to talk with you guys about.” He took in a deep breath, “How, in a house filled with detectives, did no one figure out that my brother was sick?”

And that was Dick’s ‘I’m about to beat the shit out of someone’ voice. Jason was going to get the biggest ass beating of his life by Dick– by both Dicks.

Older Dick sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair, “In hindsight it was so obvious, and I thought something was up a month ago, but I thought he was just depressed. I checked in with him and– I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t think it would be…”

Younger Dick’s eyes flickered towards him and then he frowned, “But you knew.”

He was going to die again, this time by his brother's hand. God, he always thought he was Cain. “I did try to get Jason to tell Bruce himself. And when it was clear he wasn’t going to do it, I tried to tell Bruce and Alfred myself. It's just… It was like there was always something stopping me from doing so. Either Bruce would cut me off with matters he thought was more important, or something would come up and he’d have to leave.”

“Why–” Younger Dick’s phone began to ring, eyes narrowing when he saw the caller ID, and then cut the call. “It was Bruce. Why–” The phone started to ring again, and Dick hung up again. Then it rang a third time.

“For fucks sake,” Older Dick answered the call, and motioned for him to answer.

Younger Dick put the phone up to his ear and then frowned, “You’re not my Bruce.” a pause, “Yeah, they’re both here with me right now.” The amount of guilt laced in Dick’s expression could probably fill up an entire swimming pool, “Yeah, he probably didn’t pick up because he’s taking a nap.” Dick handed the phone over to Jason.

He frowned and glanced at Older Dick. Why would Bruce want to just talk to him? “What’s up, Old Man?”

“Nothing really. I just wanted to check in with you. Are you… are you doing alright?”

“...Yeah? Why wouldn’t I–” And then it hit him, “Oh. I forgot it was the 27th.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He saw the Dicks sign something back and forth between each other– Older Dick explaining what’s up with the 27th. Minus the death part.

“I suppose that’s most likely because it’s not even April in our universe.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Jason paused, “Are… you doing ok?”

“Of course.”

“...ok… I’m gonna give the phone to Dick– Like, our Di- Richard.” he handed the phone over to him.

Younger Dick made eye contact with him and signed, Clearly a retirement party, today of all days, was just a bad idea all around.

Jason shrugged, You didn’t know.

I should have.

Stop with the guilt. Doesn’t create solutions.

“--Ok, Bruce, I’ll– yeah. Can you give the phone to other Bruce? Dick needs to talk to him.” Younger Dick made a deer in headlight look and Older Dick signed, Tell your B-R-U-C-E that you’re coming. Give him a heads up.

Younger Dick flipped him off and took the phone, pausing for a minute. “Hey Bruce.” his mouth was pressed into a tight line, “We… had to leave earlier than we planned.” Dick’s knee started to bounce, as he looked down to his shoes, “No. There wasn’t any attack or anything. Have you… have you noticed anything about Jason recently?” Dick’s eyes turned glossy, as his face scrunched up, and he looked up at the ceiling.“No– well, Bruce he’s–” Dick sniffled, while older Dick went to put a hand on his shoulder, “Bruce, he–” a tear escaped from his eyes, and he buried his face in his hands, “This… this isn’t really a conversation to have over the phone. I know you’re probably thinking of the–” Dick paused, “No. It’s urgent, but not that urgent. We’re leaving tomorrow anyway.” He let out a shaky breath, “Yeah, I’m coming back to Gotham. For Jason. He wants to tell you. So when he tells you, can you just listen to him? Please?” a watery smile appeared on his face, “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m ok. I didn’t think I would– ugh.” He wiped his eyes, “This is embarrassing.” His eyes began to water again, “I-I love you too. Yeah. See you tomorrow.” Dick hung up and rubbed his eyes pretty aggressively, “Fuck.”

(Author here, I was debating whether or not to include this scene, but yk what, I will)

ABBA.

Jason shouldn’t have expected anything else from Younger Dick. Or any Dick for that matter

It was the next day, and the four of them were currently in the car, with the Dicks in the front, (Dick was driving) and the Jasons in the back. (Jason had lost the battle for the passenger seat.)

Jason glanced at Older Dick who was tapping the steering wheel while humming.

“And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end; Masters of the scene; We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more.”

And then he turned back to Jay and Dick who were both fully into the song, pointing at him with a huge grin on his face, “You know what I mean”

Honestly, it was really fun if he ignored the impending doom of death lurking in the corner.

He grinned, and sang along “Voulez-vous (aha)”

Maybe the sooner they left the reality, the better chance it gave Jay of beating cancer.

“Voulez-vous (aha)...”

Incongruities must be purged. Jesus, that voice was getting too loud. Where’s his mind-muffler?

The song ended, and– “Is this real? Is this a fanta–” Then is skipped to the next song.

By Richard, and his little driver’s seat skip button.

“NO GO BACK!!”

No one skips Queen. He was glad Jay was on the same page as him.

Older Dick glanced over, “Dick, I’m begging you, please don’t. Please. If I have to listen to Jason belt Bohemi–”

Jay looked at Older Dick, through the rearview mirror with hurt laced in his expression, “Are you saying you don’t like my voice?”

“No! Not yours–”

“But… we’re the same person.”

“Bud… you’ve barely hit puberty.”

Jay’s jaw dropped, as Jason had to turn to the window too conceal a laugh.

Jay gave younger Dick’s shoulder his ‘kicked puppy’ expression (that Jason could no loner pull off) and Dick changed the song back.

“NO!! Wait! What about–”

“Is this real?”

Younger Dick patted his shoulder, “How bad could it possibly be?”

Jay and Jason turned to eachother,“Is this a fantasy?

Older Dick glared at him, “It’s only bad with context–”

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality”

Jason smirked, “But Dick, Now you have more context. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see; I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy; Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low; Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.”

Older Dick knocked his head against the steering wheel.

“Mama, just killed a man; Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead; Mama, life had just begun; But now I've gone and thrown it all away”

Dick looked back to him, “Holy fuck, Jaso–”

“Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry; If I'm not back again this time tomorrow; Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

“Too late, my time has come; Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time; Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go; Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.”

Jay grabbed his arm,“Mama, ooh;I don't wanna– dude… get a therapist.”

Younger Dick looked between Older Dick and Jay, “Am I missing something?”

Jason shrugged, “I see a little silhouetto of a man; Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?”

Jay… was going to throw up. He was going to puke. Yeah, the car ride was a great distraction, but as soon as the Gotham air hit, it was like a tsunami of anxiety decided to wash him clean.

Alfred met them in the garage, where Dick (his brother) immediately wrapped him in a hug, “Master Dick, it’s lovely to see you.”

“Yeah, Alfie, you too.”

Jay tried to crutch past the two, but Alfred obviously noticed, “Ah, Master Jason. Master Bruce wishes to speak with you in the library.”

He was going to scream. He was going to scream. He was going to scream. “Oh. Not the study?’

“He specifically requested the library.”

A place where he would be comfortable. Does Bruce know something was up? “Ok.” He glanced at Dick, who gave him a pressed smile and followed him to the library.

And there Bruce was waiting on the couch. With his look of concern slightly masked, “Hello boys.” he was sitting on the corner of the couch, so that Jay could sit closer or farther from him if need be.

Jay sat right next to him, “Hey, Bruce. How was your week with Bruce?” A decent amount of the poetry books they usually read out of were stacked on the coffee table, along with a pot of tea, and some cups. So Bruce knew something was wrong.

He felt the couch dip on the other side of him, and knew Dick sat down.

Bruce moved his arm so that it was behind Jay, resting on the back of the couch, “I suddenly understand why the both of you dislike it when I only communicate like a caveman.” A joke. To lighten up the mood. Bruce barely ever cracks jokes. He cleared his throat when it was obvious the joke didn’t really land, “I couldn’t imagine what losing you would–” Bruce cut himself off.

Jay looked back at Dick who was making his ‘Wrong step!’ face.

So… had Dick already told him– no.

Bruce would’ve had him go straight to Leslie’s clinic. He reached for one of the poetry books on the table. One from “Goblin Market and Other Poems” By Christina Rossetti. Jay leaned his head against Bruce’s chest, and flipped to one of the pages marked with a post it note.

He smirked up at Bruce, “My secret I tell my secret? No indeed, not I: Perhaps some day, who knows? But not to-day; it froze, and blows, and snows, And you're too curious: fie!You want to hear it? Well: Only, my secret's mine, and I won't tell.”

“Jason, you have to tell him.”

“Richard, it’s what’s written on the page.” Jay cleared his throat and looked back down at the book “Or, after all, perhaps there's none: Suppose there is no secret after all, But only just my fun. To-day's a nipping day, a biting day; In which one wants a shawl, A veil, a cloak, and other wraps: I cannot ope to every one who taps, And let the draughts come whistling through my hall; Come bounding and surrounding me, Come buffeting, astounding me, Nipping and clipping through my wraps and all. I wear my mask for warmth: who ever shows, His nose to Russian snows, To be pecked at by every wind that blows? You would not peck? I thank you for good will, Believe, but leave that truth untested still.

“Spring's an expansive time: yet I don't trust; March with its peck of dust, Nor April with its rainbow-crowned brief showers, Nor even May, whose flowers; One frost may wither through the sunless hours.

“Perhaps some languid summer day, When drowsy birds sing less and less, And golden fruit is ripening to excess, If there's not too much sun nor too much cloud, And the warm wind is neither still nor loud, Perhaps my secret I may say, Or you may guess.” Jay looked up at Buce. “Does the self proclaimed world’s greatest detective have a guess?”

Bruce hummed, deep and rumbly to the point where Jay could feel the vibrations, “You’ve decided you want Tim to be the next Robin… because you’ve been tired recently?”

Jay nodded. He could hear Bruce’s heartbeat. Even and strong. His, on the other hand, was racing like a rabbit.

He flipped the pages to the poem Mirage, “The hope I dreamed of was a dream, ⁠⁠Was but a dream; and now I wake; Exceeding comfortless, and worn, and old, ⁠⁠For a dream's sake.

I hang my harp upon a tree, ⁠⁠A weeping willow in a lake; I hang my silenced harp there, wrung and snapt, ⁠⁠For a dream's sake.

Lie still, lie still, my breaking heart; ⁠⁠My silent heart, lie still and break: Life, and the world, and mine own self, are changed; ⁠⁠For a dream's sake.”

He felt Bruce’s heart do a weird ker-sloosh before evening out again, “Jay… Lad, you don’t have to tell me right now, or at all, if you don’t want to. If you’re not ready to.”

“No. I have to tell you. Cus it’s been at least a month and–”

“At least a month?” Oh, that was his Batman growl.

Jay sat up, “I dunno, I was tryin’ to ignore it, but…”

Dick covered his face with his hands, “Holy… wrong conclusion, Batman.Also, this is a Bruce issue. There’s no one to punch, ok?” He crossed his arms over his chest and sank down into the couch, looking Jay in the eye, then to Bruce, then at Jay’s knee.

He continued flipping through the book, “I’ve been, uh, I’ve been thinkin’ about my mom recently. Kinda because I didn’t realize how many of her mannerisms I have until seein’ ‘em in other Jason. And he’s hers in the ways that count, but he wasn’t even born of her womb.” He cringed at that phrasing, “Not like I was.” He looked up from the page he landed on, tracing the design of the rug with his foot, “Remember when I got that first really bad fever? And then another one and then another one? I– I didn’t want to– I–” He cut himself off as his throat began to close up.

He already cried in front of Dick, which was bad enough. He had to be strong about this. For Bruce.

He looked back at the page, “I have no wit, no words, no tears; My heart within me like a stone; Is numb'd too much for hopes or fears; Look right, look left, I dwell alone; I lift mine eyes, but dimm'd with grief; No everlasting hills I see; My life is in the falling leaf:O Jesus, quicken me.

My life is like a faded leaf, My harvest dwindled to a husk: Truly my life is void and brief; And tedious in the barren dusk; My life is like a frozen thing, No bud nor greenness can I see: Yet rise it shall—the sap of Spring;” He took in a deep breath, “Gar basically confirmed it when I saw him, but I kinda knew before.”

Three words.

He could say them.

Dick grabbed his hand.

I…” He felt his lips start to pull down, so he bit the side of his cheek, and looked Bruce in the eyes. And he knew that look. Bruce had put it together, but was just waiting for him to actually say it. To confirm.

And–

His eyes started to burn, “Dad.”

His vision was too blurry to actually see Bruce’s reaction, but he felt his arms engulf him. He heard his heart against his ear. He felt his hand smooth out the curls on the nape of his neck.

“We’ll figure this out, Jason. I promise.” Bruce murmured, “I promise.”

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