#sensitive boy in a tough world !

[cybertron-after-dark]

Blades x Bumblebee good.

Blades x Heatwave also good.

But for your consideration:

Blades x Boulder.

[viciousins]

' i've been losing my mind for the last week because the girl i love has vanished from my life without an explanation . ' feels the lump in his throat threaten to escape , voice on the verge of shattering . ' after everything we've been through — don't you think i at least deserve an explanation ? '

[gladiatorcunt]

Art seems like such a sub, like he’d be so down pathetic when he sits between your legs, back to your chest while you give him an hj. He whimpers while you whisper dirty things in his ear and shakes more with each pump OOH I NEED HOLY WATER 😭

he gives switch vibes with a sub lean for suuuuuuure 😮‍💨

cw: 18+ mdni, handjob, sub!art, set more in the college era, reader’s a switch too btw but art makes them feral, very loving tho, taking care of him after a tough practice, afab reader

“That’s it, just lie back on me. You must be feeling so sore.” You coo, caressing his biceps and getting into position on his bed.

You recline against the wall and open your legs. Art can’t hide the way his eyes light up as he eases onto the bed and swiftly turns around, resting his back against your chest with a soft sigh. You pick up on the groan he attempts to stifle in his palm, knowing how his muscles be absolutely aching right now.

It’s a big deal for you to show that you support him by showing up to his games and practices, so that’s what you doing earlier. You’ve always admired his determination when it comes to tennis, so you don’t mention that losing a college game isn’t the end of the world. Still, you won’t deprive yourself of the eye candy that comes in the form of your boyfriend sweating and grunting as he practices his drills.

Once it was over, he bounded over to you with a tired grin and jokingly pushed your face away when you tried to kiss him. “Angel, i’m all gross now.” He’d laugh, and you’d shut him up by licking some of the sweat of his cheek.

“Did I do good today?” He asks and looks up at you with his big eyes.

You’ll never not be grateful that he seeks out your approval like a dog with a bone, because you’ve never been so proud of someone in your entire life.

“You always do the best, babe.”

Art blushes and tilts his head back onto your shoulder. And for a cliché moment time stand still, the sunset outside casts an orange glow over the room and the two of you. Your boyfriend looks beautiful like this, eyes shut in exhaustion and nestled in your arms.

But you have other plans for the evening than just admiring your boyfriend, there will be plenty of that later during pillow talk.

Art cracks his eyes to see your hands trail down his arms to end up at his crotch. He’s so relaxed that he doesn’t squirm as much as he usually does, but he turns his head to nuzzle your shoulder.

You soothingly murmur to him, “My boy worked so hard today, i think he deserves a reward, don’t you?”

“I want whatever you have to give me.” He genuinely smiles into your skin, shifting his hips to push up against you palming his bulge.

And it’s true, he’d throw his head back like a whore and moan unabashedly no matter if you were edging him with a vibrator of if you were gently grinding your fat ass against his dripping cock.

You teasingly squeeze his clothed bulge and then dip your fingers under the waistband of his white boxer briefs. Thank god for the fact that Art likes to strip down as he soon as he gets back to his room after practice.

“Lift your hips for me, baby boy.” You tell him with a nip to his earlobe.

He sighs again as he gives you the suitable free space to push his underwear down enough to free his cock. It’s so long and pretty, such a good size too. Flushed blush pink at the tip and veiny, your mouth waters but giving your boyfriend head is a reward for a different day.

Art whines when you get your hands on his bare cock, “You know ‘m sensitive, feels so good already.”

“But your tears are so pretty when you’re overstimulated.” You peck his temple and lean your head on top of his, curling your hand around the base of his dick and steadily beginning to pump him. “You should be happy to cum as much as you want, sweets.”

He whimpers and spreads his legs over yours. You hook your feet around his and keep them there.

Pearls of precum bead to the tip of his cock, making the slide easier. You grip him tighter and move your wrist in quick circles as you speed up your thrusting.

“Oh- F-fuck!” He keens, latching onto your hips and arching his back against you.

“Shh, if you can’t handle this how are you supposed to handle my pussy? It’s so much tighter than my hand, baby, you’ve felt how warm and wet it is.”

He cums embarraingly quick when he gets like this, all doped up on how you make him melt. It’s adorable and a huge ego boost, but he can only cum inside you so much before he’s out like a light.

Art gasps at the mention of his treat, and awkwardly twists his torso around to face you, “I can handle it, can i have it now? Please please please please.”

“I don’t know…” You hum, pretending to consider his begging.

You clasp your fingers around his leaking dick and thumb the tip, spreading the precum. You fuck his length with your fist and you’re going so fast, you’re making a ‘thwop! thwop! thwop!’ sound.

“I think I want you to cum just like this, love.”

Art keens as you furiously jack him off. You rile him up by whispering in his ear.

“Got me so hot watching you today. Seeing the sweat on your body when you pulled up your shirt to wipe your face, i wanted to ride you into the ground.”

Art gapes, trying to kick his legs out on reflex but your ankles over his keep him right where you want him. He screws his eyes shut tightly and moans in between his babbling.

“Unh- unh- ‘s so good, gonna cum, can i cum? Please say i can cum, ‘m gonna burst- FUCK!”

You don’t know who’s crying more, Art or his cock. He’s leaking so much that you had to concentrate or you’ll lose your grip.

You don’t let up until he’s heaving a strangled cry and shooting his hips up, spilling on and over your hand like a fountain. He gets so sloppy with it, fucking himself with your fist through the aftershocks.

“That’s it, such a big load for me. I bet you were aching holding all that in, baby.”

And he’s so gorgeous, mouth open wide and tugging on his hair in random intervals. You grab his face with your free head and rub your thumb over his cheek. You let him come down at his own pace, and when he focuses his pretty eyes back on you, you bring your sticky hand to his mouth.

Art cleans his own mess, maintaining eye contact with you. The fierce tomato red blush he’s sporting deepens. You wink at him and slurp up an equal amount of his cum, like a couple sharing a milkshake in an old fashion diner.

[lilislegacy]

i think that when annabeth and percy move to california for college, they start having dinner with annabeth’s family once every 1-2 weeks. it’s probably a little tense at first, and annabeth is likely anxious about it. percy could either be pissed off and angry with them about how they treated her, or he could be really nice and trying to diffuse the tension to make things easier for annabeth.

but either way, i think one thing would be abundantly clear: percy is her family. not them. at least, not in the ways that matter.

mr. and mrs. chase have probably only ever seen annabeth with her walls up. never letting her guard down. she’s always tough around them, and never lets herself become trusting of them. because she has to protect herself from letting them hurt her again. as a young child, she felt unloved and resented by them enough that she preferred the cold dangerous streets to being with them. so even if their relationship begins to grow better - and i really do think it gets good eventually - she’s careful around them. she protects herself, and therefore isn’t super warm and fuzzy around them. since she’s grown up, there’s a good chance they’ve never seen her show true emotion. they’ve probably never seen a true smile from her. they’ve probably never seen her lean on someone.

but then she brings percy. they would see that the 14 year old little boy who they once met grew up into a tall, striking, intimidating young man. he has the same look in his unique sea green eyes that makes you know he’s been through horrible trauma. he’s carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. (literally). the rest of him may appear 18, but his eyes look 100 years old. he’s the first person they’ve really known who is like annabeth in that way.

and here’s the thing: percy and annabeth are a team. there’s an unbreakable bond between them. they move and fight as one. they are best friends in the whole world, and it’s clear to anyone who sees them. but they are also hopelessly in love, and that’s also clear to anyone who sees them. so imagine annabeth’s family, who’ve only ever known her to be distinctly independent and closed off, seeing her and percy holding hands. seeing them sit so close together that they’re nearly on top of each other. seeing her put her hand on his arm and kiss his cheek, or seeing him wrap his arms around her and gently kiss her forehead. and nevermind the touches, imagine them seeing her just look at him. a look full of vulnerability and adoration and complete trust. full of love and warmth and emotion. because that’s who annabeth really is. she’s emotional and sensitive and warm. but she’s always had to be someone else around her family, because in her mind, the true her wasn’t good enough for them.

but now they see her, all grown up, and with this young man by her side who is clearly her everything. and i think it would be a punch to the gut seeing them together. because it would be the first time they realize that she doesn’t think of them as her family. percy is her family, and percy alone. annabeth does not regard them - her own dad and step-mom and brothers - as her real family. percy fills that role all by himself. and it’s entirely their own fault.

[princessbrunette]

𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃a continuation from the rafe and puppy universe…(click me) ࣪

rafe doesn’t always treat puppy!reader so nicely. infact, sometimes she really tests his patience.

he drags you through the front door to tannyhill with a hand wrapped around your arm — thick gold rings wound round his fingers undoubtedly leaving bruises in their wake as he yanks you inside. you can’t keep up with his long strides, tripping over and having the eldest cameron repeatedly carry the entirety of your weight with his hand everytime you stumbled— wrenching you back to your feet.

whilst this occurs, he lectures you through grit teeth — at the end of his tether. “what’d i tell you huh? what’d i fuckin’ tell you ‘bout manners?” he asks and you’re not sure if it’s rhetorical, letting him march you up the stairs to his bedroom.

“its no big deal—” you hiccup through pained whines as you try to pull away from his stern grip, only making him tighten it.

“nah, nah — you knew exactly what you were doing at the country club. running that mouth when i — i specifically told you to behave today.”

there had been a very high class event, ward forcing rafe to take you along to get you accustomed to the kook-lifestyle after so long of slumming it at the other side of the island. you were ditsy, but not dumb — you saw the way the camerons looked at you, with pity — like you simply weren’t made for this world. thats why you got so attached to rafe, he didn’t pity you. it was tough love, so you assumed — the boy constantly lecturing and berating you but would be the first to save you from any potentially damaging or dangerous situations, and god forbid anyone spoke to you as poorly as he did.

the afternoon was unsavable from the start. you may have been responsible for the large chocolate fountain at the food table falling, you’d accidentally insulted the president of the country club to his face, you’d mistakenly smeared food on the back of rafe’s shirt, and when rafe was rightfully lecturing you for that — you bit him. you bit him infront of one of the important businessmen he had been trying to impress. you understood his anger for once, you’d messed up.

he tosses you onto his bed making you stumble onto it, turning around to watch the way the boy angrily rifles through his dresser drawers, furiously continue to ramble at you. “you know i’ve been saving this, yeah — saving this from when you really messed up. ‘cos i knew you would. you’re a pogue, and you’ll always be one. and — and i’ve been here, tryna look after the runt of the litter — and yet you still disrespect me.” he shakes his head and you watch forlornly, watching him find what he was looking for and begin to pull it out.

“well you wanna run that mouth? wanna— wanna bite me in public? i’m gonna have t’treat you like the dirty pogue puppy you are— okay? didnt wanna have to do this kid but you leave me no choice. s’gotta be me to discipline you, alright? c’mere.” in his hand, you instantly recognise to be some form of muzzle. like the type you’d see on a dog, but this time perfectly crafted to fit a female face. you’d had no idea where he’d got such a cruel item, he had to have had it custom made just to shut you up, a sick fantasy he’d been sitting on. you cower, and he’s unphased.

he undoes the buckles on the side so that he can put it on you, but not before yanking your hands to his belt and leaving them there. “undo this. you’re gonna wear this, n’then you’re gonna let me take what i want from you. a’ight? i’m in charge. you’re gonna learn your damn lesson whether you like it or not.”

you whine as you obey him, trembling fingers fumbling for his belt. the worst part about this, was that you couldn’t deny your arousal. the manhandling, the degrading — you were a sensitive girl, who had sensitive needs, but something about the boy you had such a crush on, the same boy who would deny reluctantly cuddling you to sleep when you had a bad dream that one time, treating you so mean was making your cunt ache with need.

“i’m not gonna bite, i just want to kiss again.” you wail weakly as he brings the muzzle to your face, scoffing out a chuckle that read directly as ‘fat fucking chance’. rafe had kissed you a few times. moments of weakness. he couldn’t deny his feelings for you but — well, actually yes he could. he did deny his feelings for you, and often too. he was head over heels and he didn’t like that.

“kiss? you— you think you deserve a kiss after the way you behaved today?” once the muzzle is fastened and you’re staring up at him with big watery puppy dog eyes, he finishes up with yanking off his belt and undoing his zipper, trying to ignore how your pitiful expression looked. rafe was mean but he wasn’t an idiot— he knows you didn’t mean to be the way you were. you were innocent, naive — but god if taking advantage of that didn’t get him off.

his heart twinges at the sorry look on your face so he flips you over onto your front on the bed, body sprawled out and bouncing from the force. “nah…” he answers his own question as he tugs your dress up your back to reveal your soaked through panties between trembling thighs. he thumbs at the wet patch above where your hole sits meanly, scoffing. “you’re gonna shut up and take this dick. maybe then you’ll get your damn kiss.”

[evanpetersmybf]

All he asked for was you

Tate Langdon x female!reader

Summary: Tate loves you too much. He would do anything for you, to keep you by his side, to make you love him forever. He would cross any line to make you his, it doesn't matter how evil it is... But was it really worth it?

Genre: ANGST!! and some smut

Word count: 5,104

Warnings: Obsessive, stalkish and violent behavior, implicit toxic relationship; mentions of weapons, murder, mental health issues, family issues, school shooting; use of Y/N, swearing, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected p in v. (i hope i'm not missing any...) NOT PROOFREAD !!

A/N: English isn't my first language!! Sorry if I have some mistakes and if Tate's a bit ooc (i tried to keep him in character as much as i could). I wasn't sure (and still not) if this is good but I spent days writing it, so I had to post it.

A small playlist with songs that inspired me for this: monster by meg and dia, pacify her by melanie martinez, all i want is you by rebzyyx, skyfall by adele, psycho by doko, paparazzi by lady gaga, dark red by steve lacy.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ཐི ♡ ཋྀ

Tate never believed in love, nor was he a romantic one. 

In fact, he despised it. How could he even believe in that feeling when he never felt loved by his own mother? At least that’s what he pretended.

The blond always had the facade of a tough guy, although he couldn’t fool anyone. Constance knew well he was a sensitive boy. Probably the most crybaby ever to exist… And the most unstable one.

Now he was here. His chest going up and down, breathing shallow and fast. His eyes were darting around the room, looking for something or perhaps someone. Some silly tears were rolling down his cheeks while he anxiously fidgeted with a ring on his finger. The clock on the wall continued its tick-tack. The time kept running. His heart kept beating. It was getting late.

He refused to look at the wooden floor. He didn’t want to accept reality. If Tate did that, he would feel like the biggest monster on Earth.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t stay like this.

He had to do something real fast.

Today, 18:40

You were supposed to arrive at 19:00.

But he remained there, next to the corpse of his rival. A bloody ax beside the dead man’s bleeding head.

Whom he thought was his worst enemy, was someone really dear to you.

Well, Tate fervently believed this was something justified. He couldn’t stand that fucking asshole anymore! That scumbag needed to be put back in his place. And Tate only did that. Furthermore, he actually helped him. He took him away from this shitty world. It was a favor.

He had already killed his mother’s boyfriend, so why was he feeling guilty?

Maybe because his victim was special to you. Because his death would hurt you. And Langdon swore to God he would never let anybody or anything hurt you, including himself.

He loved you.

He wanted to be the one to hold your hand forever.

Tate snapped back to the present and frowned. He picked up the weapon, putting it in his backpack. He didn’t even mind cleaning it. Then, he proceeded to knelt right next to the lifeless dude and cleaned the blood surrounding his body; afterwards, he dragged him to the basement and…

19:00

A knock on the door.

You arrived.

“DAMN IT!” 

He left his dead foe lying limp on the cold basement ground and quickly ran upstairs, straight to his room. He also left the backpack there.

Tate spent the last twenty minutes cleaning the mess he made in the living room after he atrociously smashed your friend’s head, forgetting that had poor time to get ready. 

He desperately looked for clean clothes, scrambling the entire closet in search of fresh garments while he cussed at himself, at his mother, at that freaking boy, at the entire world but you.

Finally he found some jeans and a striped shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror after changing and cleaned the tiny drops of blood that stayed on his face and hands. He never realized he left the bloody clothing on the bed.

Another knock.

19:07

Tate opened the door, immediately throwing himself at you and giving you one of the warmest hugs. His demeanor with you was completely different; you were the only creature capable of changing his fucked up mind into something more beautiful, more peaceful. The issue was that it only happened when he was with you, otherwise he would be aggressive and rude as usual.

You got the best of him. 

“Missed you so fuckin’ much, babe…” Voice muffled since his face was buried in the crook of your neck. Tate always did the same thing; clinging onto you like a small koala would.

“Heh, me too, hun!” You spoke with the same soothing voice he adored. Tate giggled and placed a tender kiss on your jawline, then another, and another, and another.

Soon enough, he was peppering kisses all over your neck, making you moan softly. Oh those sounds. He could hear you melting under his touch, his embrace, for the rest of eternity.

He loved making you squirm, making you laugh, making you feel loved.

He was way too sweet.

Only if you knew.

Four weeks before today…

Tate has always had the bad habit of stalking you. Yeah… He wasn’t proud of it. But can you blame him? He’s constantly afraid of you leaving him. He wanted to make sure you never did so… Otherwise he would die. Literally.

Don’t ask how he would die. You already know the answer.

You two were supposed to have a date, albeit you had to cancel your meeting.

And that, of course, made him overthink. It didn’t matter how many times you told him you were going to study; he felt betrayed, as if you were rejecting him. And Tate hated and feared rejection to the bone.

“Pretty please? Please, Y/N! I don’t wanna go home early, mom’s gonna be there and-and–”

“Tate, I can’t skip this. I have like, a test every day next week and I must study. I don’t wanna fail. Please, sweetie. I promise I’ll make it up to ya’, mhm?” 

He rolled his eyes and whined, almost throwing a tantrum. He didn’t try to manipulate you on purpose. It came out naturally. “But I need you, Y/N! Why do you always do the same, huh? Am I not that important? Don’t you love me any longer?”

His childish crying continued for a couple of minutes, until it stopped and the blond agreed a deal with you.

You thought he was calm now, but no. How naive.

You went to the library to study as you said… Without noticing he followed you.

Quietly, he got into that maze of books after you and hid behind some shelves.

Tate noticed you sat on an empty table. Thank God. Oh?

Who. Is. He.

A man Tate didn’t know sat next to you. Really close. Too close for Tate’s liking. He tried to think he was a stranger, that he wasn’t going to talk to you… He was wrong.

He clenched his hands into a ball when he saw that idiot talking to you, and the worst part was that you followed suit. It seemed you two were friends or something.

How DARE YOU talk to another man? No, how dare you talk to another HUMAN BEING!?

Tate was insecure 24/7.

If you weren’t there, Tate was falling apart. It was simple.

No Y/N, no happy Tate. Was it too hard to understand?

Three weeks before today…

It was Friday. Tate was impatiently waiting for you outside the campus, hanging a small bouquet of flowers he picked up.

Once he spotted you coming out from the building, he waved his hand and embraced you tightly once you were in front of him. He gave you the adorable present.

“Tate!”

“How did you do? Did you pass your tests? Don’t tell me, I’m sure you did.” Said, grinning from ear to ear. He was away from you for an entire week. How did he survive? He didn’t know, but he was glad to have you with him again. “Tell me about your life in the last days, baby. Please? I feel like I haven’t seen you in years!”

There he was, the one and only drama queen Tate Langdon.

You talked about the tests, about how the teachers were being a pain in the ass (which clearly triggered in him the intense desire of hurting them because they stressed you), and… About a guy. The same guy from the library, with whom you spent the entire last week studying. He couldn’t stand it. He saw him as a threat to your relationship, especially since he was an old friend that you met many years ago. 

As the days went by, you gave him more reasons to hate that jerk. Why? Well of course because you spent hours at the library doing homework or studying with him. Or even hanging out with him and other people.

In reality, you went out with him to a museum just once, and then skating with other colleagues. Nothing compared to the time you spent with Tate; in a week, you would hang out with him almost daily, and if you were way too busy, he would go to your place and spend the night there. He was so attached to you to the point he had to see you at least once a day. And that’s why he was so jealous of your friend. Tate couldn’t stand the idea of you sharing your life with someone else who wasn’t him or your family… And he also got jealous of them, but he was handling it.

Two weeks before today.

After Tate’s pleas, you decided to introduce your friend to him.

Probably a big mistake.

The date was really awkward; your friend tried being nice, and Tate acted surprisingly kind. Of course it was odd; usually, he despised all of your friends and treated them badly, yet this time was different. You were stunned, however, you tried to ignore it and instead got happy as he finally accepted a random person as your buddy. 

Still and all, he hated that moron. It didn’t matter how much he tried liking your pal, he was jealous of him. He was getting on his nerves. He denied the fact that you had more love for other people that wasn’t him. Tate desired being your only one. Your number one. Your entire world. Because that’s what you were for him. And he was willing to do whatever to keep you with him.

Tate exchanged numbers with him and meticulously plotted a plan to ascertain he would never talk to you ever again. At first, it came out as a simple “I’m gonna scare the shit outta him”, nonetheless, it turned into a darker idea, very likely involving physical violence.

One week before today…

The last few days, Tate won Peter’s trust. Ah yes. That’s your friend's name. You were glad that he finally opened his warm heart and began to meet more people besides you.

You thought he needed a friend, an empathetic person who could support the blond when you weren’t available, that way he would feel less lonely and depressed.

They went to the cinema, to the arcade, even to a music store. Everything was going according to what he planned.

Eventually, he invited Peter to his place to play chess and other board games on a Sunday afternoon, before you arrived and had a date with Tate due to your anniversary. 

Today, 16:00

Peter and Tate were eating pizza and having a great noon, talking about their lives and random stuff, like school and music. They both enjoyed Nirvana, and since Peter played the guitar, he agreed on teaching your boy how to.

If it weren’t for Tate’s twisted mind, they would’ve been best friends.

The guitarist wasn’t a bad guy. He was a great buddy that really appreciated you and the crybaby, but Langdon had something else in mind.

18:00

The men watched a movie. Tate didn’t even know its name; in fact, he didn’t even pay attention to it. Instead, he was focused on his next actions, plotting them carefully.

“Crap, mom’s gonna arrive soon…” Tate mumbled with annoyance, biting his nails and tapping his foot on the floor. He was lying. You were going to arrive, not Constance.

“Damn, bro. Well, I don’t have a problem. I wanna meet her.”

“Huh? No no no, you shouldn’t. That bitch is crazy.”

Peter scoffed, disagreeing with Tate’s rude manner to call his own momma.

“Hey, you shouldn’t talk like that. I bet she loves you!”

That pissed him off. “You don’t know anything, Peter. Your family is different. Your life’s different. You won’t understand!” He yelled, standing up from the couch and now pacing around the room, trying to keep it calm.

“Dude, calm down!

“NO! I fucking won’t!”

The screaming continued for a while. Tate revealed his unstable and crystal self. Even something so insignificant could drive him to the edge, like what happened today. That definitely surprised the other one, who used to think that Tate was a sweet boy. “I dunno why Y/N is dating you.”

“What did you say?” Tate abruptly stopped pacing.

“Y/N. Y/N doesn’t deserve you.”

“WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT!?” He pounced on Peter, gripping his neck with one rough hand, applying enough pressure on the sides to stop the blood circulation in his carotids and make him lose consciousness.

Before passing out, Peter, getting pale, managed to croak out: “Because she deserves better…”

Soon enough, he fainted, giving Tate minutes to think about what else to do. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t planning on murdering Peter today. No, he didn’t have time. He also was supposed to meet you.. But this was the perfect excuse! And not only that; he indirectly admitted he was in love with you! Or that’s what Tate interpreted with his delusional point of view.

Peter didn’t feel anything romantic for you, he was just worried Tate might be too unhinged to be your partner.

Thus, he went to his room and grabbed his backpack. Then, went to the garden shed and picked up the ax that belonged to his father, and a bottle of lye.

He had to get the job done quickly, nevertheless, he lost track of time.

18:30

Tate came back to the living room, just to notice that Peter wasn’t there anymore.

“FUCK IT!” Langdon got nervous. What if he escaped? What if he told you that Tate was crazy? He couldn’t allow this, not at all.

Thankfully, or maybe not, Tate found Peter crawling towards the front door, the poor dude still feeling dizzy after being choked.

Tate didn’t have any mercy.

“Where do you think you’re going, lil’ piece of shit!?”

18:38

Tate finally did it. He brutally murdered Peter, smashing his head several times with the ax.

He got rid of that little issue. He took him to somewhere clean.

Once he assured the other man wasn’t breathing, he dropped the weapon on the floor, making a loud metallic thud.

19:10

Tate was pinning you down on the couch, the same couch where your dead friend was sitting just an hour ago.

His hands were traveling all along your body, tracing sweet patterns on your skin.

Eventually, his fingers were clumsily pulling down your panties, not minding to take off your skirt. “Did you bring this for easy access, baby?” Tate chuckled and buried his face between your legs, holding your thighs in place; his lips plastered messy kisses over the warm flesh, biting it and leaving tiny marks after sucking.

Your reaction was alluring to him; he enjoyed listening to your pleas, to your whimpers. If it was for him, he would spend the entire day making you cum over and over again.

He finally got rid of your underwear, tossing it aside. Without further ado, the boy spread your folds with his large digits, and continued to lick your throbbing wet cunt.

“So fucking pretty… So wet for me, huh?”

His tongue lapped your small clit two or three times, then, traced a zigzag and circles on the sensitive nub. While he devoured you, he inserted his middle and ring finger, pumping them in and out of your cute hole, curling them and hitting the right spot to make you feel butterflies.

Tate could feel his arousal growing; his erection being restrained by the tight fabric of his jeans. He was desperate, yeah. But he always put you in the first place, and that included pleasuring you before him.

After a while, he replaced his fingers with his tongue, fucking your pussy with the agile muscle and now rubbing your clit with his thumb, applying pressure that sent electric waves through your body. He stopped using his tongue on you and instead looked at that stunning face of yours. He was delighted with your flushed cheeks, with every single gesture you did, with the way your eyes rolled to the back of your head. He wanted to take a picture of you to remember this moment forever.

His thumb increased the pace, while his free hand lifted up your blouse and tried to undo your bra. He couldn’t. You giggled when he groaned in frustration; he was too horny to think straight and that’s why you helped him to take off the garment.

Tate sighed and after that awkward and funny moment, he kept rubbing your bud, using your own juices and his saliva as a lubricant, intensifying the sensation. His left pinched and pulled your nipple, making you gasp and twitch beneath him, whilst his mouth abused your other one, greedily sucking on it.

“Tate, ‘m gonna cum! I-”

Tate cut you off by kissing you harshly; his tongue invading your warm mouth, exploring it and then nibbling your bottom lip until it bleeded. He licked the tiny drops of blood, savoring the metallic taste of it.

Unable to hold on any longer, you reached your orgasm, coming undone while Tate kept caressing your pussy, decreasing the velocity while you finally calmed down.

He left you panting; your heart beating so fast just like his.

You tried to sit up on the couch, breathing deep for more air, but the blond prevented you from going away.

“Where do you think you’re doing? We’re not done yet, you’re gonna cum again!”

Tate carried you bridal style and went upstairs straight to his bedroom. He threw you on the bed.

Without stopping looking at you, he unbuckled his belt and pulled down his jeans along the boxers; his dick already erect and throbbing, the veins thick and the tip leaking precum.

Using the clear liquid as lube, he stroked his shaft for a while, jerking off to the sight of you. He groaned and whimpered, closing his eyes as his hand pumped himself.

One of your hands went to your breasts, massaging them softly as your right went down between your legs, slowly teasing your womanhood and coating your index finger with your arousal, using it to rub your aching bundle of nerves.

Tate’s dark room was now filled with both of your moans; Tate calling your name several times and you begging him to fuck you.

He couldn’t stand this anymore. He NEEDED to be inside you, to feel your warmth enveloping him. “On all fours. Now.” You immediately obeyed, feeling as eager as him.

“Look at me, mhm?” He positioned behind you and rubbed the tip against your wet folds, teasing you for a bit. Afterwards, he slowly entered his cock inside your slit, moving it slowly at first. His thumb went to your clitoris, toying with it just like minutes before. He picked up the pace and fucked you fast and hard; his cockhead brushing your cervix. Grabbing a fistful of your hair, Tate pulled your head towards him, still with the deep thrusting.  “Fuck, Y/N! You’re so pretty… So fucking precious, so fucking mine!” Moaned against your ear, voice raspy and agitated.

Panting, you stopped looking at him and instead looked to the bed. Why? Who knows, but you did it. And you saw Tate’s dirty clothes. Dirty with blood. A lot of blood.

You froze. Maybe it was red paint? 

“U-uh, Tate?” You muttered, feeling already bewildered by the sight. You tried not to jump into conclusions, although you knew Tate and he has always been… Secretive.. And aggressive, of course. 

After your boyfriend heard your shaky whisper, he stopped moving, even if he wanted to keep going. “Hm?”

“What’s this?” Tate sighed and pulled out from you, not understanding what you meant. 

“What’s what?”

Without saying anything else to him, you grabbed the shirt and touched the weird stain. It was still fresh. You took your fingers to your mouth to taste it; and the metallic tang was too obvious. “Tate, what the fuck is this!?”

You threw it at him. Freaked out, you stood up and picked up your clothes, putting them on again, all meanwhile Tate connected the dots and realized he was probably going to get caught.

“Wait, Y/N! It’s not what it looks like, I swear, damn it!” He yelled and grabbed your arm, not wanting you to leave like this. He had to save his reputation, he couldn’t let you think bad of him even if you had all the right. Because, why the fuck the fabric was soaked in blood?

“Then what is it, Tate? WHY DOES IT HAVE SO MUCH BLOOD!?”

“CALM DOWN, PLEASE!” 

You attempted to get away from his grip, struggling with him until, somehow, you managed to do so. However, you tripped with his dirty shoes and fell, realizing they were also stained with the red liquid. “Tate, what…? Why? What is this?”

“Nothing, I swear!” He didn’t have any excuses. Saying it was paint would’ve been lame. You were too smart and he knew lying wasn’t a good choice.

Feeling overwhelmed with the matter, you went downstairs, walking as fast as you could. Passing through the living room, a very familiar bag caught your eye. It was definitely Peter’s. You decided to grab it and realized it had his phone inside. Something was off.

Tate was standing behind you; fists clenched and heart beating like crazy. He tried to approach you, still thinking about what to do or what to say. 

“Tate… What is this doing here? Peter’s here?” 

“Huh? Yeah… He— He came earlier and had to go soon, he left this accidentally, yup…” You could see him fidgeting with that ring on his finger, again. 

“Bullshit!”

Tate scowled and grabbed your chin, making you look at his dark orbs. “Tell me, Y/N, do you trust me or not, huh? Look me in the eyes and say you don’t!”

The struggle continued for what seemed eternity. You trying to run away from the house and he trying to make you stay. “Please, Y/N, just listen to me!”

“You did something to him, right? I know him, Tate! He would NEVER leave his phone like this! Is this a joke?”

“Why do you care so much about that asshole!? What has he done for you!? Tell me!”

“Oh my, you’re jealous! I knew it! All that crap about being his friend was a lie, right? Tate, you’re being delusional! I can have friends, I can hang out with whoever I want, whether you like it or not!” 

Tate pressed your cheeks between his thumb and the rest of his fingers, squeezing the flesh with his veiny, big hand, pressing it tightly enough to leave the mark of his long digits on it.

“You can’t! You’re mine. Only mine. Since the day you were born you were meant to be mine. Not his, not anybody, just me.”

“Tate… We should end this…” You thought this was the best for both. Being in a relationship with him was draining; always being careful to not hurt him, make him jealous or mad. He was such a sensitive boy that always took everything too personally. He felt everything a little too much.

Since the beginning you knew he was unstable and that he had many issues, but you tried to see beyond his sick mind, you tried to understand him despite being so different.

Tate felt so safe with you. You were the only person who understood him, or at least made attempts to. 

He felt rejected by the entire society, even by his own mother, until he met you and he had a minimum spark of hope that the world didn’t suck that much.

That’s why he clung to you. That’s why you were his everything. He would lose his mind if you leave him.

He felt like dying when he heard you wanted to finish the relationship.

He couldn’t breathe. 

Some tears were now falling to the floor, his eyes puffy and an ugly frown on his face. His mouth twisted as he sobbed loudly, tugging the hem of your shirt while he begged you to stay. He was crying like a newborn, like a baby who had to be apart from his mother for a second.

“No no no no, you can’t do this to me!” He whimpered, his speech cracking as he tried to hold you close whilst you were stepping back. You were slipping through his fingers, you were leaving him.

“Tate, if something happened to Peter, I will never forgive you! Can’t you see you’re hurting me?”

Tate swore he would never hurt you, nor let anyone. But here he was, finally snapping out of it and seeing the cruel truth. 

“You’ve been hurting me the whole time, Tate! I tried to understand you, I really did, I tried to help you, to save you from yourself! But it’s impossible. I’m losing myself here with you, I don’t even know who I am anymore! You don’t want help, do you? ‘Cause it doesn’t matter what I do, you’re never satisfied! You suffocate me!”

All those words were like daggers penetrating his skin, touching his nerves and making him die of pain. You were tearing him apart, just the way he was destroying you.

He finally let go of you, feeling a tornado of emotions. Tate felt depressed, mad, resentful, like he was going crazy. Though, he knew he had to leave if that’s what you wanted. He couldn’t bring himself to break another promise.

Thereby, he confessed his crimes to you. He explained he killed his mom’s partner a few days ago, and that now he had killed your friend. Why? He was jealous, he was scared you’d left him. You did it before you discovered the cruel reality, anyways. That’s why he told you. Because he couldn’t lose anything else.

The situation was utterly disgusting. Tate was sick. He murdered an innocent man and then proceeded to fuck you, as it was the maximum test of love, as if his life meant nothing.

You knew he wasn’t what people often considered “normal”. But this was definitely more than just being a “weirdo”. Tate needed psychiatric help… And being arrested, of course.

“You make me wanna puke, Tate! You’re the evil!”

Without hesitating, you left Tate behind, running as fast as you could from that living hell.

You just wanted to cry, curl up into a ball and wake up from this nightmare. You wished it was merely a bad dream.

Tomorrow morning, you’d go to the police, but for now you needed to sleep.

Monday morning, 11:05

You couldn’t sleep all night. You spent hours thinking about everything, about how this looked like a cruel joke to you. Eventually, you fell asleep at 4AM, and didn’t wake up at what seemed almost midday. 

An intense sound of police sirens woke you from your slumber. Startled by the loud noise, you rubbed your eyes and went to the window, trying to get a glimpse of what was happening outside.

Police cars and SWAT vans were going in a specific direction… Towards Tate’s street. It couldn’t be, right?

Did his mother find the corpse? Or perhaps something else?

You looked at the clock, realizing it was late and you had to go to class. 

08:00

After the most painful night of his life, Tate decided today everything would be over.

He had to cleanse the world… To take people to somewhere else, to some place full of peace away from the piss and the vomit that runs down the streets.

He was doing this not only because of your breakup, but also because of many other reasons. Your split up was the straw that broke the camel and drove him to the edge.

10:40

 After shooting the school, Tate left the place, looking unfazed about what he just did. He was unhinged. 

He peacefully got into his place, went to his room and stayed there for some minutes. 

The blond sat on the edge of the bed, leaving the gun right next to him and stared at nothing. His gaze was empty, but also there were some tears threatening to spill.

His mind was a whirlwind. Some part of him was satisfied, but the other was confused, wondering what was he thinking, what had he done?

What would you think of him now? Were you even there? Did he kill you too and he didn’t even notice?

In the end, he recognized he indeed was the evil you said. Damn it. You were right, again, as ever.

Tate wanted to hear your voice, to comfort him, to hear you saying everything was okay. That he’d be okay. He desired to hear “I love you” from you once more.

11:15

You went downstairs to find your family apparently mourning you.

They thought you were at school when the shooting happened. They believed you were gone, but here you were. 

Eventually, they explained to you what happened.

The first thing that popped into your mind was Tate’s wellbeing, still unaware that he was the culprit. You were afraid something terrible could’ve happened to him, you were regretting your last words to him, but you also had to get him prisoner.

Your heart dropped when they explained to you he was the shooter.

No, it couldn’t be possible. 

It was possible. After all, he had already killed two men.

Even if you despise what he did, some part of you still longed for him, still was in love with his once kind heart.

A terrifying feeling of dread filled your body, making you feel numb, as if none of this was real… 

11:25

After running to Tate’s house and seeing it surrounded by the cops and the SWAT team, everything stopped. Constance’s distressed cries and pleas were heard from outside, followed suit by the sound of bullets. It was over now.

Tate was certainly a troubled individual who dedicated his entire life to searching for something, to feel something, to feel loved.

All he asked for was love, to be loved, to love. All he wanted was you.

But at the same time, your love led him to an never-ending obsession that ultimately broke both of you.

He became your biggest regret.

All he feared, all his nightmares came true. Everything he was so afraid of was him and only himself. 

[cologona]

The thing about Bruce making Dick Robin is that it can be read as empathy. Bruce and Dick both lost their family in the same way, and so Bruce tries to help Dick by giving him what he wanted as a young orphan. Justice, closure, power, meaning. Something to make the world right again, some way to move forward, someone who understands.

But that same reading is not as easy to apply to Jason

If I were to read Bruce in a particularly unflattering light, I'd say Bruce fundamentally saw Jason as more expendable than Dick. He was so afraid of losing Dick that he totally sabotaged that relationship, but he's fine with this much younger kid playing the same dangerous role? Jason is a tough street kid sure sure, but is he tougher than 18 year old Dick motherfucking Grayson??? No.

If I were to read Bruce in a more sympathetic light, I'd say that in Bruce's mind orphan = craving-for-justice-that-can-only-be-satiated-with-vigilantism, and since he found out Jason's father was dead he was trying to give Jason the same guidance and empowerment Dick got. He genuinely thought it would work. He did this at the same time that he was actively hiding the death of Jason's father, because this intense self-projection is happening at the subconscious level. He simultaneously wants to comfort the orphan and prevent the orphan from becoming "real" by hiding the truth. It is not logical but it is well-meaning.

(This self-projection is also the source of Bruce's bizarre assertion that Jason has anger issues- he isn't a classist asshole he's just sensitive! 👉👈)

Either way, there is clearly an instability to the concept of Jason's Robin. Batman and Robin requires suspending one's disbelief about child soldiers to degree higher than other superheroes, but there's not quite enough to support that suspension here.

Because how exactly is being Robin supposed to help Jason? What about Jason's supposed anger issues lend themselves to being helped by vigilantism? Jason could've just been Bruce Wayne's son, so why is he also Robin?

...Would Jason have just been Bruce Wayne's son?

I.. don't think so. I don't think Bruce adopted him just to offer a good home- not really. Bruce certainly wanted Jason to have a good home, but that's what sending him to Ma Gunn's school was supposed to be. Ma Gunn didn't work out sure, but it's not like she was the only option. Bruce could've just done more research the second time around. If Jason had rejected becoming Robin, would Bruce have still adopted him? If Batman had not intended for Jason to become involved with hero work, could you see him still sending Jason off to Wayne Manor to be adopted?

Bruce didn't just want a son, or even just a Robin. He wanted something specific- he wanted the feeling of having Dick back. Bruce praises Jason for how similar he is to Dick in his head, and based on Alfred's warning and Jason's own behavior, he apparently compared Jason to Dick quite a bit during training. When Dick himself eventually comes to confront Bruce about why there's another Robin, he pretty much lays it bare: Jason is Robin because he missed Dick. That's the core of it.

Now on one hand this is flattering for Jason! It means he was chosen for the Robin mantle because he demonstrated the good qualities similar to the original. In another universe maybe Jason Todd's Robin isn't the angry one or the dead one, maybe he got to develop and he could've become the Robin that came from sharing laughter and life rather than grief. A Cinderella? A little lotus boy.

On the other hand that's not the universe we live in and this reason has absolutely fuck-all to do with Jason.

As for Tim, parentification is straight up the basis of his Robin. It’s impossible to read his “Batman needs Robin” spiel without reading it as a meta statement because in-universe it’s just an extremely frgiggi depressing scenario.

I think Dick might be the only person for whom Bruce's intense self-projection kinda worked out. Not that their relationship was good, but the core of it was okay? Cassandra comes close but Bruce sorta… lives out his dreams of being all-Batman all-the-time through her. He pushed his bad impulses onto her and she didn’t understand the value of not being Batman so it came off really creepy. He was encouraging her to rely him. Like a tool.

[nickybloodhead]

I wanna make early 90s James my bitch. Like he’s tough and arrogant but for me? He’s the sweetest, most caring man. Something about manly men being soft af for you gets me weak on my knees.

Anon you're right, making that big man all soft for me is one of the things I want most in this world.

James is an imposing, tall, huge man, isn't he? And in the 90s he was fucking arrogant looking down on everyone with superiority... But when he comes home to you he becomes a docile puppy, looking to be petted and cuddled by his girl.

If you two are watching a movie he MUST have his head in your lap so you can play with his hair which would set him purring.

At bedtime he enjoys being the little spoon although he won't tell anyone that, it's kind of funny for you to be the big spoon because you're practically wrapped around him and yet you can't cover his whole body.

He follows you around the house like a baby duckling when you are doing anything like cooking, cleaning, reading; no matter what you are doing he will be there watching you with all the love in the world; then he will get tired of not getting attention and start bothering you until you only have eyes for him.

In bed it's no different, yes, he may take control when you are going to fuck most of the time but when he is in needy mode you will be the one taking the reins. You would push him onto the bed and climb on top of him to kiss the expanse of his body, from his lips to his thighs because you know how shaky he gets when you nibble on his sensitive skin there, after foreplay you would ride him so hard he forgets how to talk, he would lie there on the bed watching you reverently as you take him and make him lose his mind.

In the end, when you both cum he would be in your embrace for a little aftercare.

"You took it so well my love, what a good boy standing still while I rode you" You'd murmur against his hair all this praise as he hums contentedly, hiding his head in your neck to sigh happily.

I also want to make that man my bitch

[tojiphile]

JJK MEN + SUBMISSIVE & BREEDABLE (PT.1)

a/n. jjk brainrot. i got a lil carried away and made them longer than expected so i split this into two parts… sob. part 2 will be up soon! comments appreciated <3

cw/ tw. dom f!reader, submissive men, bondage/rope, blindfolds, begging, overstimulation, teasing, praising, breeding, slight daddy kink, unprotected sex

GOJO SATORU + BDSM !

“look at you, all tied up.” you stand back, admiring your handiwork. red rope bound satoru’s slender figure, tight enough that, if he moved, red marks would line his body tomorrow. of course, the faux god isn’t really trapped. if he really wanted to, he can get out of this predicament. you know, though, that he won’t. he likes this too much.

he whimpers, pretty cock untouched, flushing red and throbbing. your fingers graze down his body and he arches into your touch, desperate for more. his breath goes ragged as you reach his pelvis, but you stop before touching him where he do fervently needed it. “please…” he begs, under his breath.

you hum, “have you been good?” he nods, eyes squeezed shut. a tear slips past his blindfold, and you laugh lightly, teasing him, “you cryin’?”

without warning, your cool hand wraps around his thick cock. he lets out a gasp, every cell in his body sensitive to your touch. you start moving, pace quick and relentless, giving him no time to adjust to the sudden affection. hot angry tears spill down his face, “t- too much!”

you raise your brows, hands not slowing down. “but baby, you asked for this.”

GETO SUGURU + PRAISE !

you run your fingers through suguru’s long hair as he kneels between your legs, willing for you to let him move. his eyes are blown out, mouth hanging open like he’s a starving man. he can see your heat, smell your scent, and god, what he would give to just get a little taste.

he looks so gorgeous like this. as he gazes up at you with adoration, cheeks flushed red, you can’t help but fall in love with the man even more. at home, the tough exterior he displays the world falls away and he’s putty in your hands.

“you’re so pretty, baby,” you coo, running a finger along his jawline, “don’t you know that?” he whines, shaking his head, eyes shutting in embarrassment. you tsk, leaning up to squeeze his face between your palms, kissing his cheeks between words, “my precious, pretty boy. my kind, thoughtful, smart boy.”

you lay back down, “tell me you’re pretty.” he shakes his head, burying it between your thighs. you pull away, causing him to whimper. “you can taste me…” his eyes light up, “…when you tell me you’re pretty.”

he flushes an even deeper shade of red. “i..” he gets out, hesitantly.

“go on.”

“i’m… pretty.”

you can’t help but smile seeing his head hanging in embarrassment, ears burning. “that’s right,” you push your hips towards his face, “can my pretty boy take care of me?”

he nods earnestly, hands moving to grip your waist. licking his lips, he buries his head between your thighs once more, working to please your pretty cunt.

FUSHIGURO TOJI + BREEDING KINK !

toji’s aching cock buries itself deep as you ride him like a bitch in heat, tits bouncing obscenely. a large hand on your hip assists your movement while the other runs up and down your body, groping at your flesh.

his gaze is fiery with carnal desire, consuming you whole just with his eyes. “’m close,” he grunts, “gotta pull out.”

he tries to sit up, but you push him back down roughly, your hand resting firmly on his abs, as you continue to fuck yourself on his thick cock that threatens to spill any second now.

“wha- what’re you doing?” a rare moment of shock from the normally stern, stoic man. a small smile plays at your lips after hearing him stutter. you collect yourself, doe eyes round with a feigned innocence.

“daddy,” your mouth finds his ear and you whisper, “let’s give ‘gumi a little brother.”

in all your time with toji, he’s never shown you any sign of weakness. he fucks with unwavering dominance, throwing you around like a rag doll, his handsome face never contorting, always serious, determined, as if completing some sort of mission. but here, his brows furrowed, eyes squeezed shut, and mouth open in an ‘o’ shape, he almost looks… cute.

he mutters something under his breath. you find balance in gripping his tousled hair, grinding down on him, “what’d you say?”

“don’t…” he grits his teeth, “…say that.”

you can tell he’s close by the way his stomach tenses. “c’mon, daddy, wanna be a mommy.” toji covers his face with his hands, letting out a small whine, and the unfamiliar noise eggs you on even more.

[fluffylino]

han jisung as flynn rider?!?!,

currently on a flight and the similarities are insane!!!

you cannot convince me otherwise that the two of them are so alike in features and mannerisms. aclakjsjsjajjajakkas

the smoulder?!

jisung would master that move and literally no one would stop him.

massive babygirl energy.

he'd complain and complain about you dragging him along to explore the world you had never seen, when this world was the reality he had lived in.

atleast managed to live in. stealing, theft and petty crimes were his occupations.

but when he meets you, he hesitates. you make him see the world in a different light.

you appreciate him.

imagine him dressed as flynn rider and literally being the sassiest man alive.

his waist....

HIS FUCKING WAIST MY GOSHHIS WAIST and those broad shoulders?!

lets not forget the beautiful locks of hair. so silky and smooth to run your fingers through.

very sensitive when you touch his waist or stroke the back of his head.

"you're making me lose my tough guy personality..."

imagine him saying that with this dazed absolutely lovestruck look in his eyes.

except he just won't admit how you make his heart face

because he's too 'cool"

of course it takes him a bit longer to drop the act and give in to you entirely.

bad boy? nah...

good boy? yes and only for you.

.

.

.

thank you for listening to my ranting

[boytearscore]

reason. — johnnie guilbert.

summary: completely unable to show your own feelings to the world after growing up being mocked by your sensitiveness and tears, you face the coldness of your best friend’s roommate (johnnie) without letting it get to you, until one day watching a movie with both, he smiled at you for the first time.

warnings: mention of anxiety, depression, past traumas, psychal abuse, daddy issues, emotional blockage, angst, comedy, strong female lead, a bit of fluffly? we’ll see. (jake as your best friend.)

author's note: i got this idea last night while listening to ''nervous'' by the neighbourhood, strongly recommend you to vibe with it when reading. don't know if it will become a series, though. i'm just testing waters for now.

it was a saturday night, you and your best friend jake were hanging out all day together but he wasn’t feeling like saying goodbye yet. so to change things up a little, he invites you to watch a movie at his house.

“before you say no…” he immediately knew why you rolled your eyes and made his best puppy face. “i got your favorite chocolate at home, a whole box. you can even pick your weird thriller movies, plus it’s way cooler to watch it using our movie room. not tryna brag though.” he laughs and purse his lips. “pretty please…?”

you sigh, giving in. jake was the only person who you would do anything for. he’s been with you through tough times just as much as you’ve been with him and that created a bond between you two that no one could break.

as you both get in the car, you start driving and a few things go through your head while jake was picking a song.

the reason why you didn’t like to hangout at his house was his roommate, johnnie. you both never got along, everything began since the first day you’ve met. you couldn’t help but notice how caring, happy, sweet and all smiles he was around everyone, but you. there’s no explanation, the moment he laid eyes on you, he did nothing but be mean and cold.

but you weren’t some sensitive girl who cries when a boy says mean things, you grew up with that your whole life. no father to rely on, mean brothers and a non confrontational mother. people used to call you ''crybaby'' and that infuriated you, they spitted mean words at your face, saying you were weak and too soft, even using psychal abuse to make you cry on purpose, so much so that you’ve just hardened with time. 

you made a promise to yourself, to be a mirror. to give people what they give you and nothing else.

and that’s exactly what you did with him as well, it seemed to be working, so you didn't really care.

johnnie was in the kitchen next to the living room, grabbing a soda when you and jake arrived. he looks over at the door as you come in, rolling his eyes at the sight of you.

“so fucking nice to see you too.” you give him the same eye roll and proceeded to enter the house, throwing yourself on the couch and letting a sigh out.

johnnie scoffs as you sit down. “how long are you staying for?” he asks, sitting on the couch in front of you and grabbing his phone. 

“want me to leave soon?” you ask him, sarcastically smiling.

“i do want you to leave soon.” he finally looks up from his phone, giving you an annoyed look and you shrug. 

“then i’m staying for a looooong time.”

johnnie just ignores your teasing tone and sips his doctor pepper.  “what exactly are you doing here, anyway?”

you didn’t feel like engaging his little back and forth thing so you just ignored his question and then turned to jake that was just laughing, used to the bickering. he didn’t mind it. it was actually entertaining to him, although he was pretty sure you both would ended up fucking at some point.

“if you sleep while we’re watching the movie i’ll draw a penis on your face.” you threatened jake with your best scary face.

he laughs even harder when you threaten him and johnnie suddenly lets out a snort, but quickly composes himself when you notice.

that surprised you, he never really was a part of conversations when you were around, only to make sarcastic comments or be mean, but this was different, however you brushed it off, it’s not like you care anyways.

“you wouldn’t dare.” jake says, raising an eyebrow at you, a smug smile still on his face.

“watch me.” you whisper to him with squinty eyes, an evil smile creeping on your lips, he just sticks his tongue out at you, jokingly rolling his eyes. 

“fine, i won’t sleep. happy?”

“we shall see, my friend.” you get up and walk towards jake grabbing his hand, the perks of having a rich best friend is that he has an entire movie room in his own house, and of course a whole box of your favorite chocolates. 

as you two start heading to the room, you can’t help but turn your head back a little, looking at johnnie.

“you coming?”

johnnie looks up from his phone, watching you walk off with jake, and is surprised when you turn to ask him if he’s coming. he stands up and puts his phone in his pocket. 

“i guess so.” he mumbles, walking behind you both. he doesn’t say anything else as you three head to the movie room.

you were the first one to enter the room, immediately sitting at the huge comfortable couch, jake was right behind you picking snacks and a soda. he throws the box of chocolates in your lap, giving you a wink and sitting next to you with a diet coke and chips in hands while johnnie got himself comfortable next to jake. you grab your phone connecting to the projector and picking the movie. it was a psychological thriller mixed with comedy, very weird and gory to say at least.

johnnie rolls his eyes as you pick the movie. “course you would pick something like that.” he mutters under his breath. jake laughs and playfully shoves him.

“c’mon, johnnie! give it a chance. thriller movies are fun.”

“you can just leave, though.” you finally reply to johnnie still eyeing the projector screen reflecting on the wall. he roll his eyes and just stays quiet while jake is still laughing. “i’ve heard there’s gross scenes, i’m so excited!” you shake jake’s arm while the movie starts, laying your head on his shoulder and eating a piece of the chocolate bar. 

johnnie groans quietly, watching the screen while trying not to look the proximity between you and his roommate. he didn’t even know why it bothered him so much. 

20 minutes of movie has passed and things already gotten weird and gross, you stared at the screen mesmerised while jake frowned with a disgusted face.

“how can you even enjoy this?” johnnie asks quietly to you, watching as a character behaves weirdly in the scene.

“aw, is that too much for you?” you stare at johnnie, doing the voice adults usually use to talk to children. “do you want me to switch to a cartoon?”

johnnie’s face turns red from embarrassment, but he hides it by rolling his eyes and leaning back into the couch, looking back at the movie.

“i can handle it just fine. i’m just saying i don’t understand how you like that crap.” he mutters, a hint of a blush still on his cheeks.

“since you wanna know so bad…” you start sipping jake’s diet coke, he gives you a dirty stare and you just laugh, proceeding to talk. “it’s not about the gore stuff, it’s about the deep meaning of it, why is the character doing that? i love to contemplate and understand their reasoning, it makes me feel connected to my human side. that’s all.”

johnnie is a bit taken back by your explanation, he honestly expected some stupid answer, not a thoughtful one. he stays quiet for a moment, thinking about what you just said.

“so…  you like these kinds of movies for philosophical reasons?” he says, trying to understand.

“precisely.” you murmur, looking at the screen again.

“reasons...” he whispers to himself lost in thoughts but the scene unfolding in front of you three made his eyes pop, the character insists to engage an “action” with a girl who’s on her period.

“aaaand that's bad timing for all the things i just said, there’s no explanation for that.” you point at the screen, laughing. “this one is just a weirdo, i guess.”

“agreed.” johnnie lets out a quiet laugh. 

johnnie’s laughter was something you’ve never heard before, and that made you smile a little but as soon as you realized it, you turn to jake biting your smile away, he looked utterly disgusted and was dramatically holding back a gag as the scene continues.

“ew, that’s disgusting.” he says, looking a little sick.

“didn’t you accidentally drink your own pee before?” you ask jake, laughing out loud.

“hey!!” jake shoves you lightly, a look of embarrassment on his face. “we promised not to talk about that again.”

johnnie lets out another low laugh, enjoying the interaction between you and his roommate.

“my bad, man.” you say acting like you regretted it. “still a sensitive topic, huh?”

“you’re an ass.” the red head boy rolls his eyes but he’s still laughing as johnnie is watching the two of you, his eyes going back and forth between you and jake, his lips curved in a small smile and you noticed right away, it wasn’t a mean one like always, it was genuine. 

“hey…” you smile at him, not resisting his sudden cuteness. “for someone mean as hell you kind of know how to smile nicely.”

he looks a bit startled, not expecting you to notice his smile and actually say something about it. johnnie can feel his face heat up a bit.

“i’m not always mean, you know.” he tries to defend himself, his voice lacking the usual coldness.

this time, both of you and jake stare at him with a “really?” face. 

“not always around other people, maybe…” you say, shrugging. “to me, yes.”

johnnie’s face turns from a light shade of pink to completely red. he stutters, trying to think of a good comeback but fails, just sitting in an embarrassed silence.

the room turns quiet, just the voices of characters in the background. no one dares to speak. probably because johnnie never smiled around you before, or because you complimented him for the first time, or… because you almost told him how you feel. usually jake is the one who has to listen to you vent, not that johnnie’s behaviour actually wounded you, but because you just didn’t understand his reasons, so you finally ask him.

“why do you hate me so much?” your eyes are glued to his, not giving a fuck about the movie you were so excited to watch for ages.

johnnie suddenly feels the weight of your question hit him. he fidgets a little, feeling a mix of guilt and defensiveness rising within him. he glances at jake, hoping for him to get him out of the situation somehow, but jake just shrugs and motions for him to answer.

he takes a deep breath, his eyes locked with yours. “i… don’t really hate you.” he mutters, barely above a whisper.

you frowned confused. “then why do you act like you do?” this question wasn’t planned though, your heart spoke for you.

he looks away from you, avoiding eye contact, struggling to find the right words and feeling vulnerable under your gaze.

“i… i don’t know. it’s just... easier, i guess. i don’t know how else to act around you.” he finally manages to get out, his voice shaking a bit.

“maybe start by not being a dick.” your tone is sarcastic but you had a smile on your lips, hoping both jake and johnnie couldn’t tell you were trying to light up the mood with your usual ironic humour to not make them uncomfortable. 

jake lets out a laugh, feeling a bit more at ease with the sarcasm. johnnie, however, looks visibly frustrated. he clenches his fists, struggling to keep his cool.

“easier said than done.” he mutters under his breath, his tone cold again.

the smile on your face dropped, something inside you wanted to know his reasons badly, to dig more and more until the truth finally would show itself. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

johnnie notices the smile dropping from your face and feels a pang of guilt. he runs a hand through his hair nervously, avoiding eye contact with you again.

“you wouldn’t get it. it’s just… it’s easier for me to be mean to you than anything else, okay? i don’t know why, but it is.” he says in a low, frustrated voice. “does that satisfy your curiosity?”

“sure.” you whisper, giving up on understanding his heart. maybe that’s why you were so obsessed with trying to figure out misunderstood movie characters, they reminded you of people in real life. they reminded you of… johnnie. you wanted to be able to find out why he’s like that with you, but he built walls around him when it comes to your presence. no matter how hard you try, he never will let you in.

you sigh, letting your head fall on jake’s shoulder again and paying attention to the movie in silence, he watches you put your head on jake’s shoulder, feeling a mix of disappointment and frustration. he wanted to say more, to explain himself further, but he couldn't find the words.

jake wraps an arm around you, sensing the tension in the room, and squeezes your shoulders gently. he glances at johnnie, trying to give him a subtle ‘fix-this’ look, but johnnie just looks away.

the rest of the movie continues in tense silence. johnnie remains quiet, lost in his own thoughts, while jake tries to lighten the mood with occasional jokes or comments about the movie.

you, on the other hand, was fighting a war inside your head. it’s either caring about the conversation that just happened or move on completely, you were divided between those two things, but then the past rushes through your head, when you used to care and show everyone how much you were hurt. in order to change, a lot of tears were shred.

and that’s why you are the way you are now, if people don’t wanna talk, you do not force them to, why tell them how you feel if they don't care and probably will use it against you at some point? plus it’s not like you had hoped things would change between you two.

the credits start to roll, signalling the end of the movie. jake looks between you and johnnie, noticing the lingering tension in the room.

“well, that was definitely something.” he says, trying to lighten the mood again and johnnie just nods silently, his gaze fixed on the now-empty screen.

“he killed everyone in order to get the life he wanted.” you start talking. “he also drank his friend’s bath water and went down on his sister while she was on her period.” you bite your lip and smile at jake. “i’ll be thinking about that for a while…”

jake burst into laughter, remembering the scenes you mentioned. “yeah, that was pretty messed up. but the whole drinking the dirty bath water scene made me lose my shit!” he laughs again, wiping a tear from his eye.

johnnie tries to not show a reaction, but he visibly cringes and lets out a soft “ugh” at the memory.

“bro, the slurping sounds got to me.” your laugh was so loud and genuine that jake couldn’t help but laugh with you as he nods, clutching his stomach from laughing. 

“dude inhaled it like a chocolate milkshake."

johnnie can't help but crack a small smile, enjoying the friendly banter between you and jake, but he still keeps his comments to himself. 

suddenly the room is quiet again and before things possibly get uncomfortable, you get up.

“alright, that’s my queue.” you give jake a small hug and take the box of chocolate in hands. “i’m taking these with me thank you very much.” jake hugs you back, still chuckling at your laughs. johnnie watches silently as you get up and head for the hall, a mix of disappointment and relief showing on his face.

“leaving already? you can crash here, you know.” jake says, sensing your intention to leave.

“nah, i’m good.” usually you’d actually do that, but sleeping in the same house as johnnie wasn’t the best move right now. “text me later, yeah?” you smile at jake and leaves without looking at johnnie.

he stayed silent as you left, watching you go without another word. he felt a mix of emotions, frustration, guilt, and a hint of sadness that he couldn't quite explain. jake glanced at him, sensing his inner conflict.

as you drive home, a million thoughts go through your head. mostly about him. and the worst part is that you didn’t even know why, but that was sort of okay, no one was there to watch you being vulnerable, so the questions naturally got to you.

why do you care so much about it?

why does your heart kind of sink everytime he doesn’t just tell you how he feels?

you don’t care about people who don’t care about you, why is that different when it comes to johnnie?

when finally home, you find yourself rewatching the memories from earlier, the way his voice softened, or the brief smile he let you see. it’s as if you caught a glimpse of the real him, and you can't stop wondering what lies beneath the icy exterior.

just when you think things would finally settle down in your head, your phone lights up, jake was calling.

“are you home yet?”

“yeah, what’s up?” you pick up right away, trying to hide your anxiety, but jake could sense something off just by the way you spoke.

“everything okay? you sound a bit off."

“i’m okay.” you fake a laugh, jake was your best friend after all, he knows exactly everything about you, including when you try to hide your pain and feelings. in fact, he was the first person to notice them and not judge you for that. “don’t worry about it.”

jake is still not convinced by your fake laugh.

“bullshit. i know something’s wrong. don’t try to hide it from me."

“it’s just…” you sigh, what’s the point of hiding it, anyways? you don’t need to be strong in front of him, jake would never hurt you like everyone else did in the past. “i care more than i’d like to…” you finally confess, hoping he would get what you mean without making you explain any further. 

jake is quiet for a moment, understanding what you’re talking about instantly. he’s not surprised, jake could feel the tension between you and his roommate today. and how you seemed affected by it.

“it’s about johnnie, isn’t it?” he lets out a soft sigh on the other end of the phone. 

“don’t say his name…” you tell him in a whisper, cringing with the possibility of johnnie finding out you’ve been talking about him. “i feel like there’s something underneath it.” you explain, laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. “you know i don’t care about people being mean to me, got over it a long time ago. i just give it right back, not giving a shit. and i tried that to him for years, but the way he looks at me…” you close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “i can’t figure that look on his face, jake. and it’s driving me insane.”

“yeah, i get it, but here's the thing… i know for a fact that he doesn't hate you." jake pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best words to say. "he’s just… confused when it comes to his own emotions, you know? he’s got this whole mean act going on because he doesn’t know how to deal with feelings.”

“i would get it…” you begin to say, collecting your thoughts not to show the quavering voice . “if he acted like that with everyone, sure, that’s understanble, but it’s only with me. what the fuck did i do to him?” you almost yell the last part in frustration.

jake listens to your words, feeling your frustration through the phone. "i don't know, man. he’s never really explained his reasons to me either.” he ponders for a moment, wondering if he should tell you. “hey, can i ask you something?"

you got confused for a second, thinking he was about to make a joke or change subjects.

“sure.”

"have you ever considered that maybe... just maybe... johnnie is a dick to you because he likes you?" jake waits for your reaction with a small grin on his face, knowing your tendency to never consider the obvious.

and react you did, frowning and squinting your eyes so hard that for a second your head started to hurt. 

“what kind of nonsense are you onto about, dude?” you blurt it out, finally laughing. jake laughs at your reaction, finding your disbelief amusing.

"i mean, think about it for a second. it fits all your theories, doesn’t it? why else would he be so mean only to you? maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold."

“too much weed inside your rotten brain, jake. that’s what it is.”  you said still laughing and continued to tease him a little “i’m gonna put you in rehab or something.”

jake chuckles, still enjoying your denial.

"hey, you’re the one who can’t stop talking about how johnnie looks at you. i’m just planting the seed of thought, man. you never know." he pauses for a moment before continuing. “and just for the record, i’m not smoking anything at the moment. thanks for the concern, though."

“well, your seeds are just rocks and they’ll never grow anything but disappointment.” you tell him catching your breath from laughing so much. “but i do feel better now.” jake probably could tell you were smiling because he went quiet for a second, and that made you smile even more. “thanks for being my best friend, yeah? you’re my anchor.”

jake grins, happy that he was able to make you feel better.

"that's what best friends are for and just so you know, you’re my anchor and my sister." he chuckles before continuing. “but i won't stop planting those 'rock seeds' of mine. maybe one day they'll turn into an exotic flower or something."

“yeah, a toxic one.” you hear his laugh and roll your eyes. “i’ll go to bed now, talk to you later, okay?”

"sure, get some rest. and think about what i said." jake teases you before continuing. “sleep tight, darling."

you roll your eyes after hearing the ridiculous pet name, remembering when it started. one time you told him he gives father vibes to you, so he just calls you that because in his words “messing with your daddy issues is fun”.

after you hang up the phone, the room falls silent once more, and your mind begins to wander to the conversation you just had with jake.

now the stupid rock seed of thought he planted in your mind refused to disappear. the sentence  “maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold” playing in an infinite loop inside your head.

as much as you tried, the thoughts kept nagging at you, refusing to be ignored. you sigh, realizing that sleep would elude you until you figured this out.

an hour ticked by and you tossed and turned in your bed, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop thinking about johnnie's behaviour and the possibility of him somehow “liking” you.

memories of the way he looked at you, the way he softened, only to revert back to his aloof self seconds later, it was so confusing.

eventually, the morning sun began to peek through your window, signalling the start of a new day. you felt exhausted and frustrated, with no answers and no sleep.

as you drag yourself out of bed, you feel the exhaustion weighing down on you. the lack of sleep and the endless loop of thoughts about johnnie had left you feeling drained.

you head to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water, trying to jolt yourself awake. but even as you look at your reflection in the mirror, the thought of johnnie's hidden feelings still lurks in the back of your mind.

“well, now i’m fucked.”

you whisper to yourself, feeling defeated.

[wordsinhaled]

hi there! I started following you after seeing your essay-long answers to DBD things in tags, and it made me very happy to see someone as deeply analytical as me about this show.

I wanted to ask you: if you were given the final say, how would you want the show to confirm both Charles' bisexuality and his romantic feelings towards Edwin (as both can be done at different points)?

Personally, I can't get the idea out of my head that it will be done with some kind of tragic goodbye, somehow Charles and Edwin have to separate, and Charles either verbally confirms it or kisses Edwin goodbye. Not saying that's what I want, but it's what I expect the writers to do.

Hope you're having a good day.

btw, would love to hear you talk more about timerogue (Fifteen/Rogue), I need more essay-long analysis about those two.

Hi there! <3 I am so happy you have enjoyed my tag rambles! And thank you so much for asking this great question, I had a lot of fun thinking through it!

I have many thoughts on this! Sticking them under a cut eventually because it is a long post!

Re: Charles' bisexuality: So the thing is I think that the DBDA universe generally seems to eschew labels in favor of showing rather than telling the audience what the characters' identities are. For example Jenny is interested in dating women, which is clear from her dialogue, and she goes on a date with Maxine, but she's never labeled anything. Edwin is never labeled anything by anyone in the narrative, either, but the narrative shows us that his only love interests and his desires and romantic feelings are for other boys. I would argue that we have been shown textually that Charles is bi, already, the same way the show shows-not-tells us other things. Charles by the end of the first season feels bi enough to me in a way that just feels like someone... living a bi life, and not yet realizing they might in fact be in love back with their best friend. I don't know how else to put it but I hope that makes sense. (My alternate, slightly sappier version of canon is that Charles fell for Edwin the first night, but has shoved it down for the duration of their friendship, but the former feels more likely as the direction I think we see on screen.) We are being told Charles is bi:

In the way Charles himself draws parallels between why he likes Crystal (his romantic love interest) and Edwin, pointing out they share the exact same traits

In the way he gives Crystal and Edwin the same genre of deep, loving gaze

In the way he thinks Crystal is fit, and he checks Edwin out, on multiple occasions, but only flirts with Edwin overtly in episode 8 ("My smile is pretty convincing," plus more than the usual amount of physical touch/proximity and less plausible deniability) once he can be assured by Edwin's recent confession that doing so will not be poorly received

In the different kinds of softness and masculinity he displays around both Crystal and Edwin

In the way that, despite not knowing the ending, he draws a parallel between himself and Edwin & a pair of lovers from classical mythology as though it is the most natural thing in the world to bring up the story of Orpheus & Eurydice, making overt the romantic potential of his relationship with Edwin

In the way he is so quick to write off that the two jocks were "just best mates" the way a person does when they are recognizing their own queerness in themselves and have to keep themselves safe from it, because of the environment that they are in (Charles being the Sports Lad, needing to fit in with other sports lads, and needing to avoid the censure/violence of his father)

And coming off the above, in the way that Charles navigates along the toughness-sensitivity spectrum within the social constructs of being "the brawn"

In the entire sparring scene in episode 1, tbh. The rituals are very intricate /drops mic

I understand the importance that's been placed by fandom spaces on "confirmed canon" queerness that is spelled out in so many words, given a label that can be pointed to to say "This character is definitely this!" but I think (and this is just my personal opinion) it can be reductive sometimes, and I don't really want Charles to label himself in that kind of way, just as much as I don't think the other characters needed the labels to "confirm" the queerness of their relationships or indeed of the show; having him be the one to do it for being bi would set him apart. I also think taking into account the time period that he grew up in, Charles would care more about living by the truth of how he feels and how he can use those feelings to connect with the one he loves, than what to call it. I just don't think we're gonna get like a "Hello my name is Charles Rowland and I am a verified bisexual"-type scene in season 2, and I think that's okay, and I don't really think that's the way for the show to 'confirm' it. Mind you I would love to see Charles talk about how it makes him feel to realize his feelings, and how his feelings for Edwin are different compared to how other people make him feel, because god, I love Charles so much and I just know such a scene would both destroy and heal me. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, CHARLES <3

I think it says something really important that many, many, many people took one look at Charles Rowland and said: "Oh, he's bi." Not like... he has bi energy, or could plausibly be bi, or whatever; for so many people he just resonated as being bi, in a very organic way. (I know there are people who do read Charles as being straight/having rejected Edwin in s1, and I respect that, but they probably will not like my ideas about Charles very much, then, tbh.)

For what it's worth, though, Jayden's acting choices playing Charles, and the way Jayden (and George) have addressed the 'straight best friend Charles' line of questioning during interviews, both make it seem to me that Jayden is intentionally playing Charles as bi and we are already supposed to understand this for what it is, based on Charles' actions—just as we understand similar things about other characters inner worlds we are shown. Whether Charles is consciously aware of it yet is more the up-for-debate part to me, personally. It's like he is dancing right on the edge of the revelation, or something, but his actions (and his EYES) are speaking for him pretty loudly already.

As for how he confirms it more obviously? Hmm. Well, I'll admit i think a kiss between them would be lovely, if only because I think it would quite possibly be the Most Kiss a kiss could be, with all of Charles' tenderness and adoration for Edwin poured into it. I also think it would be in-character, given Charles canonically misses kissing, and wants to do it with people he's interested in romantically (see Crystal).

Charles struggles with being able to admit romantic feelings out loud because he is scared of his own capacity to hurt Edwin; after all the only example of "romantic" love he has seen was his parents' marriage. Charles is a person who acts first, thinks later, but in this process of understanding what he feels for Edwin he's taking his time and being the opposite of impulsive. This shows how important his relationship to Edwin is to him and his commitment to Getting It Right. Even with that deliberateness, though, I think it would still be easier for him to express himself through a tangible action like a kiss than through words—at least at first.

It reminds me of this scene from the first draft of Maurice between Maurice and Alec. Alec is struggling to verbalize his feelings for Maurice, although he does know he feels them. He can say other things, but naming love for what it is is the challenge; and in the end they use a shared memory of a time Alec showed his love through actions (running through the rosebushes just to see Maurice's face) to communicate and mutually understand their love for each other. Similarly, Charles finds it difficult to admit a deep romantic love aloud, but his actions speak louder, in his determination to retrieve Edwin from hell ("There's no one else—no one else—I would go to hell for") and he can allude to the romantic implications of the act, by referencing the Orpheus & Eurydice myth. It similarly becomes, I may not be able to say the words, but you and I both know the lengths i would go to for you.

Maurice : "I love you, sir be damned." Alec: "Maurice"—never before had the word been spoken—"you're an angel." Maurice: "I don't want to hear that." Alec: "Maurice, Maurice" his voice failed also; he had once said the rest to a woman. "Maurice - what you've said I feel. Understand?" M: "I think so, but I want to be sure. Remember those rose bushes in the other rain? - Look at me hard - That's right. That'll do. It's settled."

As far as the catalyst for Charles revealing his feelings... a tragic goodbye—gosh, as heartbreakingly compelling as I know seeing George and Jayden act that out would be (I know they would crush it), I really hope the writers don't do that to them! The thing about Payneland that is so refreshing to me is how they manage to subvert trope expectations and break out of the tragic narratives they are placed in, and I think they would ultimately defy any attempt at separation. As Edwin says, "I will make sure that doesn't happen," about them ever being split up. I am rooting for a happily ever after for them, because they have both been through enough, and have fought tooth and nail to stay together.

Steve Yockey has mentioned potentially having Desire of the Endless cameo on the show and I also think having them and Charles interact would be a fascinating way to bring to light some of the deep-rooted stuff Charles struggles with around love (and would nicely parallel Edwin's experience with the Cat King which catalyzed his Charles-feelings realization). I also like the idea of the team maybe meeting a couple during a case who parallel Edwin and Charles and are romantically involved. Seeing that would allow Charles to externalize the way he feels for Edwin by seeing it reflected back to him by other people; sometimes things are easier to pick up on in others than in ourselves. I think that would be a fun way to get him to see what's been there under the surface for some time :)

Oh my god this got so long asfhlgkjhg SORRY

(I'm sure the Doccy Who fixation will come back in time for the Christmas special! :D)

[heywardsdoll]

going ice skating and just seeing toxickook!pope is the worst decision you could ever make because of how wonderful he is at it. there's just a flow of intimidation with him, the way he skilfully glides across the ice. he cocks an eyebrow at you, before slandering off to talk to another guy. he's like a star the way he shines.

he’s good at everything—and that hurts more than you’ll ever admit.

it doesn’t help that he’s a D1 athlete at your college, a kook with everything handed to him—like the world bends to his will. it doesn’t help that he’s an honor student, top of the class, always knowing the right answers. it also doesn’t help the way he looks, all wrapped up in a scarf, his family’s wealth showing even in his casual clothes. that air of privilege—it practically suffocates you. and it definitely doesn’t help that he makes you look twice, that twist in your stomach reminding you how much control he has over you.

of course, he didn’t want you here. after all, he's dating you in secret. because dating you openly wouldn’t fit his “image.” no, now he’d probably tease you about it, that familiar smirk playing on his lips. but only you know what he's like behind closed doors, behind locker rooms, when no one’s watching he's got his hand shoved down your skirt, heavy lidded eyes glazed with pleasure. of course, he's got you in the restricted section of the books, low voice and soft breath hitting that corner of your neck, and of course he's your "tutor". god, it was the worst.

you’d never tell your friends, because god forbid they knew how much of a sucker you were for someone like him. you knew better—knew what the kooks were like—but he was different, right? you liked the way he acted—that air of confidence, even if it sometimes felt like arrogance. even if it meant enduring his offhand comments. he’d laugh them off, call you “too sensitive,” like it was all in good fun.

but then he'd be so sweet. that’s what kept you, wasn’t it? sugary sweet between your teeth when he apologized, "i won’t do it again," "you know me, you know i won’t," "aw—you know i could do better, but i choose you. i’m doing you a favor staying." and now here you were, trying to prove you could do without him, even though you were practically near tears as you pushed through the ice.

it was tough. your ankles wobbled from trying to find balance within yourself. your hands stung from the number of times you'd fallen flat on your face. your cheeks burned from the cold, and worse, there was this awful gash on your knee from scraping it on the way to the ice rink. you looked like a mess, but why did you care? because somewhere, you knew he was watching.

this was your fault. it was a small fight that led to this. you wanted to be public—wanted him to stop hiding you. after months of stolen kisses and eager eyes, you were tired of being his secret. but now you felt like a dirty little secret, something he didn’t want to show off. he laughed when you asked for more. said it was all fun and games, and you were reading too much into it.

you could almost hear the satisfaction in his voice when he said, “just a little experiment.” his soft eyes had a flicker of something sharper, and you realized they only softened when he wanted something. his words dripped with an undertone that made you question if you were overreacting.

you had told him to forget it. after that, you went home to cry your eyes out and realized you needed to show him that you didn’t need him. then a university flyer caught your eye. “bring a friend and skate!” it read. “free entry for single girls,” with a winky face. you could tell a college boy had scribbled that on, but somehow, it lit something in you.

that was it. that’s why you were scrambling on the ice, looking for someone, and indirectly looking for him with your untied laces, swollen eyes, and a pout on your mouth. finally, you stopped, resting your hands on your knees as you panted. still, pope skated. there was a quick smile on his face, hands shoved in his pockets. he danced around girls, that smirk on his face as if he knew you were watching.

finally, you decided it was enough. it was enough of you chasing after him, and this stupid idea to come to the rink. it was time you stepped out. as you fixed your laces, you let out a deep breath, but in an instant, your balance vanished. your arms shot up, flailing wildly as if they could grasp the air for stability. time seemed to slow as your legs slipped out from under you. then, with a loud thud, you hit the ground, the cold ice pressing against your back. you let out a cry of pain before trying to look around to see if anyone had seen you.

“you’re not too good at this, huh?”

there he was, all shiny and cocky. you scoffed and tried to push forward, only to slip again.

“goddamn it—” you groaned before letting yourself sink to the floor. the ice burned at your side, but it wasn’t as bad as the embarrassment that heated your face when you realized pope was watching, that familiar flicker of amusement in his eyes.

after what felt like years, he spoke, flicking away something on his jersey. “what are you doing here?”

you felt tears sting your eyes as you sniffled and bit your lip, looking away from him. your voice sounded like a whine. “it’s my campus too.”

pope rubbed his eyes before looking at you again, a hint of annoyance creeping into his tone. “come on, you know I’m not gonna just leave you here.” suddenly, he was grabbing you and pulling you up. you were rested next to the edge of the rink. no longer did the ice bite, but rather you felt your heart beat faster. he was tying your skates quickly, tongue stuck out in concentration. you watched his muscles move purposefully, the way his arms flexed as he worked.

“you know how if feel about you,” pope murmured, a softer edge to his voice. you shivered hearing the annoyance there, but it quickly shifted into a teasing lilt. “do i really have to prove it?”

you felt shocked, pupils blown as you tried not to tremble. there was electricity in his gaze, but something rippled inside you. it was definitely not fear.

finally, pope got up, giving you a satisfied once-over. “yeah, you look good now.”

it was here you felt defensive. “i look good all the time!” but quickly realized it was the wrong thing to say.

pope's eyes flickered over to you again, a teasing smile on his lips. “yeah, cause i help you with that. sometimes you need a little more than usual. but that’s okay.” it was here that he seemed to soften, that hint of smugness in his demeanor, but you could tell he enjoyed the control.

“yea' cause i'm here to see to it.”

and you knew you’d never fully escape from his orbit.

taglist; @cerya @rainbowpiss34, @vi4goswrld, @th3eternalersi

[lucysarah-c]

TW: SENSETIVE TOPICS

Hi sugarplum,

I’m really struggling right now, and Levi headcanons are the only thing keeping me from crawling into a hole and dying.

I’m curious about your take on a particularly grim scenario: how do you think our boy Levi would handle a miscarriage? I know it’s a heavy topic, so feel free to ignore it.

I’m sorry if this is too much, and I completely understand if you don’t want to talk about this kind of sensitive topics. Your writing is literally the only thing keeping me going right now, so thanks for sharing your work with the world.

Hi, sweetie! Oh dear, I’m so sorry to read that you’re going through a tough time and that it took me this long to reply. Are you feeling better now?

I’m happy to hear that I could provide some relief 🙁, but I’m really sorry you’re feeling so down right now. Feel free to send me another ask or DM if you need to talk. You’re so sweet to me, and it hurts that there’s little I can do for you.

Regarding your ask, I think Levi has a very “soldier” mentality most of the time. It’s probably his partner who is going through the hardest part of it, both physically and emotionally. A miscarriage, depending on how far along the pregnancy was, can be very painful physically and take a toll on women mentally. That said, I’m not saying men don’t struggle through a miscarriage, especially if it was a wanted pregnancy, but women usually endure both physical and emotional pain. I think Levi would likely bottle up all his feelings and try to be the “strongest” of the two, something he tends to do more often than not.

He’ll try to be there for her, looking after her if she’s not feeling well. Maybe while she’s in bed, he’ll reach for her hand, give it a strong squeeze, and say, “We’ll be fine. We’ve been through worse. I’m here if you need anything.”

If she’s doubting herself or feeling bad, especially because maternity and pregnancy are often closely tied to femininity, a lot of women wonder why this happens to them and if it makes them “less of a woman” for losing a child. Levi would definitely try to be the rational voice in this situation, saying something like, “Don’t be silly; this doesn’t define you. It happens more often than you think.”

I feel like Levi has this mentality that “this isn’t his moment” or “he’s not the one suffering the most,” so he pushes whatever he might be feeling out of his mind as much as he can. When he’s alone at night and she’s resting, he may try to focus on work during one of his insomnia episodes (especially if the pregnancy was further along or if they had been actively trying to become parents). He might be working and realize he’s shedding a few tears, and he’ll try to grit his teeth and hold them back, silently crying for a little while, wondering why “this always happens to him.”

I hardly think Levi would ever bring up the idea of having kids again. If she says she wants to keep trying, I think he’d be a little reluctant. He’d say something like, “As far as you want... I won’t oppose, but you have to promise me we’ll stop once it starts to affect you seriously.”

It may sound somewhat poetic, but I think Levi believes he and she are already a family. Yes, a child would be great, but he doesn’t want to risk breaking the family they already have while searching for a new member.

I hope this helps! T-T Let me know if you’re feeling better, baby. I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your ask sooner <3 It means a lot to me that you said all those nice things about my writing.

Lots of love!

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, self doubt, body image, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 16 - Ready for Spain | ‘Ours’

Trent returned back to first team training in the beginning of the week and got to play about 60 minutes at the match over the weekend. In your opinion he played great and looked even better doing it. Trent had been told by the manager to chill a little bit. It wasn’t a high stakes game so he wasn’t going into it maybe with the same exertion he normally would so the internet had a field day. ‘He can’t defend’… yada yada the same old. It usually didn’t bother Trent all that much but after a while the repetition of it just got so tiresome. He was coming home from the match knowing no matter the game he had, the conversation would always be there. There would always be someone saying he played poorly. You felt terrible but all you could do was be there for him. 

“Tough day, pretty boy?” you cooed gently seeing Trent come in the house back from training. You had put Teddy down for a nap so you were sitting by yourself on your living room couch dressed in Trent’s sweat pants rolled at your waist and an Alo bra tank. Trent let out a groan and nodded before he came over and laid practically on top of you. He settled into your embrace nuzzling his face into your neck. 

“It’s so frustrating. There’s nothing to do but it’s like anytime I open my phone. Sky sports say this… Gary Neville says that… I just can’t get away from it.” He sighed, his voice muffled by his proximity to your skin.

“I’m sorry, baby.” You cooed, running your hands up and down his back. He hummed, enjoying the feeling. He cuddled a bit closer to you. “It’s irrelevant. You’re amazing. Teddy and I think you’re the best in the world, baby.” He nodded against you. At the base of his spine you slipped your hands under his shirt to be closer to him, grazing your hands over his warm skin. You wanted to comfort him the best you could. 

“Yeah? Still your baby? Even if I’m a ‘shit right back’” He asked you quietly repeating what he read. He just wanted to hear he was yours He knew he was, he just wanted to hear it. Hear it in your voice, in your accent. One of your hands continued up his spine to his neck, you wrapped your hand around the back of it scratching his skin gently. He closed his eyes and kissed your neck. As confident and strong and often guarded as Trent presented to the outside world, he found that he was able to be softer and more sensitive around you. You let him be vulnerable with you. It was something that Trent never had experienced before he was with you. The safety of letting your guard down with someone. He remembered telling you your first night together he had never called anyone baby in his life. He just was a total melt for you. He remembered the shiver running up his back when you called him each different pet names for the first time. At first he couldn’t believe he was acting this way but he just embraced it. Now, on hard days, the ones where he used to just want to be alone, he just wanted to be with you. He wanted to hear all the mushy things you had to say and you were more than happy to indulge him. 

“Yeah, always my T.” you cooed. You kissed his hair. “My baby, my husband.” you softly cooed again. You felt him shift a little in your arms. You giggled imagining what could possibly be running through his mind after you said that. He pulled away from your neck and placed his chin on your collarbone to look up at you. He smiled. “Just trying it out...” You giggled again. He lazily reached up to grab your jaw with one hand and pull your face down to his. He kissed your lips softly. 

“Say it again f’me, beautiful.” He looked up at you like you were an angel. He loved you so much. He had completely forgotten about all the shitty things happening online. He was soothed into a haze by your touch and the sound of your voice. You repeated it a few times before you got tired. He tucked his face back into your neck and sighed contently. For the moment, he wasn’t Trent Alexander-Arnold the footballer, he was just the man that was going to be your husband and there was not a more comforting thing in the world than that.  

“Want me to make you something to eat?” You cooed softly, rubbing your hand over his head. 

“Nah, stay right here, please” He mumbled against you moving his head onto your chest nuzzling his face into your boobs. You felt like someone in this house constantly had their face there whether it was him or Teddy but right now this was nice that it was him “ I love coming home to you.” He hummed soothed being back with you. It was nice until Trent was back to his old self and feeling particularly cheeky. It started with one peck to your chest, then a slow kiss onto your boob, moving to a bit more of a suck, and then essentially just a bite.

“Erm.. ow! Excuse you? You’re worse than Teddy. That hurt!” You giggled. His hands came around you began to massage your tits. You hummed getting lost in the moment loosing the pain from his bite quite  quickly. 

“I’m sorry, baby. Let me kiss it better, yeah.” He began kissing your chest. He pulled you more into him than he was on you now. You leaned back into him arching your back pushing your chest out. He kneaded your tits gently with his hands as his kisses got closer and closer to one of your nipples. He slyly pulled your top down, your boobs falling out for him. Both hands rolling the buds of your nipples between his fingers. 

“Oh T… fuck.” You let out a whiny cry not expecting this but honestly, you should have. You felt a shiver run through your whole body. He was being so gentle with you but you were so sensitive. He shifted to be behind you and pulled you into his lap. You laid back against him with your legs spread unintentionally. He pulled your legs even further apart though to drape over his, hooking your feet behind his calves to keep your legs open. His arms wrapped around you, hands back playing with your tits. He guided his hands down from your boobs over your stomach and teasingly into your his sweatpants. His fingers danced over your covered pussy and your breath hitched. Trent loved that the tables had turned. He was so vulnerable moments before and now he had you needy and squirming against him. Your head almost felt dizzy. You let out a pathetic whine as he began to stroke over your clit. He began to draw circles over it softly humming in appreciation of the dampened spot on your panties already without him really doing anything. He moved your hair off your shoulder and placed his lips on your neck. He dragged his tongue over your most sensitive spots, nibbling and sucking when he felt like it just to get you to moan.  You tasted so good though, you felt so good, so Trent got a little greedy. His free hand wrapped around your throat and turned your head for a kiss. Your breathing became erratic lost in his kisses, you couldn’t think. Trent never failed to take his time even with his kisses. He was so sweet with you yet simultaneously incredibly dirty. Kiss after kiss, you were so caught up you barely noticed his fingers move your panties to the side he did it so smoothly.  He picked up the pace of his finger now directly playing with your clit. Your pussy was sopping wet now, you were dripping all down your thighs. His fingers managed to be both tender and sweet and harsh and rough all at the same time. Your thighs began to quiver. You slumped back against Trent desperate for a release. He bit onto your neck a little, feeling himself beginning to get harder and harder just from your pleasure. 

“It’s okay, baby. Relax. Cum f’me, yeah? I got you. It’s okay to make a mess.” He whispered in your ear.  The sound of your wet pussy was lewd you had a hard time even listening to your words but you clocked the word 'cum' easily because you were about to.

“Ah fuck! Oh my god, T!” You whined beginning to babble. It was more pleasurable than anything but it was slightly annoying that he got you like this. Your pussy dripping in the living room all from playing with your clit.  “I’m gonna cum, baby. Please let me me cum.”

“Yeah, go on, baby.” He whispered again. The warmth of his breath against your ear, the feeling of his fingers on your pussy, his free hand fondling your tits. You gripped onto his knees hunching forward a little so overwhelmed by the high about to wash over you but your body crashed back against him seconds later. He kiss your collarbone. You whined when his movement became slow and precise. His rhythm was melodic and perfect. You impatiently grinded against his hand. You dropped your head back against his shoulder behind you. Your jaw slacked, your breathing only intensifying. You shut your eyes as white hot pleasure coarse through you. Your orgasm ransacking your every thought. “Good girl.” He smiled smugly, very proud of his handy work and your body’s reaction. He slowed his movements as your pussy continued to spasm. “Such a good girl f’me.” He whispered against your neck with a kiss. He removed his now wet hand and hugged your waist reverting back to his cute cuddly self. You turned your head tiredly to look at him. His eyes were bright with amusement. Teeth, pearly white, shining in his big gin as he breathlessly laughed. You knocked your head back against his chest once more in feigned embarrassment at what just happened.

“Erm… Okay, well.” You giggled a little, turning once more to look back at the gorgeous boy. “Let me make you some food please because now, I’m hungry and I need to get off this couch.” You spoke quietly with a slight laugh, your eyes filled with hearts gleaming up at him.

“Yeah, yeah fine! If you want” he teased, like somehow you making Trent food would be a burden on him. He pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Love you, baby.” 

The Champions League group stages had begun. Trent had played a home match already but the first away leg was approaching and in an exciting draw or, for Trent, a difficult one, Liverpool was playing Real Madrid. You thought it was cute when Trent played against his friends but he didn’t really view it that way. You were going to fly to Madrid with Dianne and Teddy for the match but you figured maybe, just maybe, your best friend had heard about the game and would be there as well. 

“Did you know our boyfriends are playing this week!?” You giggled on Facetime with Lauren. 

“Neither of them are boyfriends. T is your fiancé and Jude is… I don’t know what he is but he’s not a boyfriend, I know that” She quipped back with an annoyed face.

“Oh, you’re no fun! Come on! Joke with meee.” You whined. She smiled seeing you so excited. 

“Fine, Yes, Y/N, I am going to be in Madrid for the game.” She laughed at the enthusiasm igniting behind your eyes. You squealed. “You really think I wouldn’t be there? I am not letting you visit Jude over me.”

“I never know where you are! You’re always on the move!” You responded to her adjusting yourself in your chair at your kitchen island. “It’s not like I’m visiting him, I’m going to watch T but I mean if you two are together…..” You drew out the word putting an emphasis on the fact that when Lauren was in Madrid she was always staying with Jude, she had things at his place, they were definitely together.

“Y/N…. we are not together but I will be there.” Lauren was adamant about convincing you Jude wasn’t her boyfriend but no boy, no matter how nice they were, would do the things Jude was doing for her if they weren't in some capacity together.

“Can you say hi to nana, Ted?” You were walking on the tarmac with Teddy on your hip towards Dianne. The three of you were flying today to go to Liverpool’s clash against Real Madrid. Trent had already made his way to the city with the rest of the team. Dianne, Teddy, and yourself had decided to go on the day of the match.

“Who are these beautiful girls!?!” Dianne came up to you two. “Hello my sweet teddy girl!” She cooed. It was early in the morning and Teddy was still a little tired.

“Hi Di” you gave her a tight hug. “Ready for Spain?” You asked her with a tired smile. You were happy to go. Champions League games were fun no matter what. This was just that much better because you got to see Lauren and Jude as well.

“Yes, we are. Going to go see daddy right, Ted?” She cooed, pressing a sweet kiss to Teddy’s cheek. Teddy yawned and cuddled into your chest more. She was in a cute sweat set and you pouted looking down at her. She was being fairly quiet because she wanted to go back to sleep.

“Yeah, we’re so happy to be going to see daddy.” You kissed her head, rubbing your hand over her back. “Huh, sleepy girl? Ready to see daddy?” You cooed to Teddy. She whimpered out a tired ‘dada’ pushing her cheek further against you attempting to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. By the time you boarded the plane and got seated operating with one arm as the other held Teddy to you she was out cold. You leaned your head on top of hers. Her tiny chubby arms trying her best to hold onto you. She was fast asleep and you were thankful because you weren’t sure how a tired and cranky 14 month year old was going to handle take off.  She was just fine though. Her perfect lips agape with a little bit of drool already beginning to drop onto your warm skin. You didn’t mind,  you wiped it away every so often for her but it was a lost cause. 

“You’re doing a good job, sweetie.” Dianne cooed from her seat across the way. Trent was nice enough to get you a private plane to take you to Madrid. It was a short flight only about 2 and a half hours but it was nice to have the space and privacy. 

“Yeah?” You responded by picking your head up to look at her. You brushed your hand over Teddy’s hair. You were nervous about what other mums thought about how you were doing. Dianne was lovely but you worried you maybe weren't doing things right or the way they were done in England so you didn’t know.

“Really good, hun. I’m so proud of you.” She cooed again looking at you and Teddy tucked in your seat. She seemed sincere and she was. Dianne wasn’t introverted but she definitely wasn't an extrovert. You got along really well and you were grateful for that. She was like a second mum to you but you of course were curious of what she thought and what she thought was that you were doing wonderful.

“Thank you, Di. It means a lot, honestly. Half the time I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want to keep her happy for him.” You spoke quietly. It was true. You had no idea what you were doing being your first baby but all you wanted to do was keep Teddy happy. Dianne's validation felt incredible. 

“Oh Y/N. You make that little girl so happy. You make him so happy. You’re doing amazing. You should keep her happy for you though not for Trent.” She spoke softly making sure you heard her important words but that you didn’t disturb Teddy. It wasn’t lost on Dianne how hectic her son's life was. That in the middle of the week you were having to fly to another country to see him. It had a lot of perks but just as many difficulties and she was impressed with how well you handled them.

“I’m trying.” You giggled, kissing Teddy’s forehead. You talked for a little while longer but you started to get tired so your answers began to slow. Dianne picked up on your delay and the plane went quiet. Soon you were falling asleep yourself. You hugged Teddy and dozed off. Dianne snapped a sweet photo of you and Teddy cuddled up and sent it to Trent.  

Your girls coming to see you. Lucky boy, Trenty xx

My whole world 😘 See you tn

By the time you got to your hotel room in Spain you were exhausted. You laid Teddy down and called Trent. She had been fussy since you landed. She got so upset when the flight began to descend and you couldn’t really do anything to help. The plane had to land whether she liked it or not. You had a short window to shower while she napped but you hadn’t talked to Trent since you told him you’d arrived so you wanted to give him a call. You could multitask. 

“Oooof wow baby.” Trent cooed ogling at you as you peeled your shirt over your head in the bathroom. You propped your phone on the sink counter to speak with him as you got undressed for your shower.

“This isn't for you. I need to shower before the match.” You giggled still a little flattered by his reaction. You were trying to do two things at once not put on a show for him.

“Oh…” he looked a little hurt but then he smiled at you. “It’s always for me… just a little bit though, right baby?” He cheekily flirted with you pinching his fingers together trying to get you to say that you getting naked right now was secretly for him.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, pretty boy.” You giggled picking up the phone now that you had sucesfully peeled your clothes off. You told Trent you had to go and got on with your shower as quick as possible. You got yourself and Teddy ready and met Dianne down in the hotel lobby to head to the match. You arrived at the Bernabeu with them after a traffic-filled drive and a spilt bottle of milk. You decided to wear a Liverpool jersey that was now quite messy so you changed into an extra t-shirt you had and Area high waisted jeans with a crystal embellished slit. You wore a pair of Prada red heels to pair with your top. Teddy definitely had started to develop a lot of opinions and in turn she had become a lot more particular about things, clothing included. You put Teddy in her jersey, of course, and thankfully she was happy with that. You assumed it was because she liked that she matched her dad. She had leggings on as well after two tries. She didn’t like the first pair for an unidentifiable reason. You walked up to where the Bellingham family sat up in a box high in the tall stadium. Lauren was already there sat with Jude’s mum. Denise hadn’t met Teddy yet but Lauren and Jude of course showed her plenty of photos. You walked in holding her so that was a give away but she recognized her face immediately. 

“Oh my goshhh, aren’t you gorgeous! You look even more like your daddy in person, huh?” Denise cooed seeing Teddy. She had gotten up from her seat and met you near the door. 

“My dada.” Teddy giggled pulling on your shirt with her grubby hands. She started introducing the word ‘my’ lately. She was clingy and possessive in a healthy baby type way so it was cute. You could tell she was very proud to clarify that Trent was her dad. You hummed to her in acknowledgement.  

“Let me see my cutie girl!!! Hii Ted!!” Lauren sang, jogging excitedly over to you in the box. You gave her a hug and then stepped back a little for her to see more of Teddy. 

“Can you say hi please to Lauren and Denise?” You kissed Teddy’s forehead in encouragement for her to say hello. You had noticed she definitely could get shy around new people and preferred to be just glued to you. You picked up her hand and squeezed it a few times. “Can we say hi?” You cooed. She got out a quiet ‘hi.’ “Good girl. You know Laur, yeah? And we know Judey. Daddy’s friend Jude?” She nodded against your chest hiding her face. “Yeah? You do. That’s Jude’s mummy, okay?”  You cooed softly, beginning to bounce her in your arms. Lauren reached out and tickled her tummy. Teddy didn’t want to but she couldn’t stop her giggles. 

“You like Judey, remember? You talk to him on the phone all the time with daddy, Ted.” Lauren reminded her with a laugh hearing her small giggles. Jude and Trent FaceTimed a lot… like a lot. Often, Teddy was along for the calls. She was usually just laying on his chest but nevertheless she was there. You went to sit down with Lauren and Teddy outside. Dianne and Denise stayed inside catching up. Warm ups for the game hadn’t even begun so you were scrolling on TikTok when you coincidentally saw an edit of Trent and Jude appear on your feed. You turned your phone screen for Lauren to see the video.

“Yeah, if only they knew how fucking annoying they were.” You laughed as you rolled your eyes. It was a thirsty video to say the least. Of course they looked good. They always look good but it was a little bit funny to knock them down a peg when you could. 

“I don’t knowww they’re pretty handsome.” She pouted at the video seeing them yap away together. Lauren grabbed the phone from you to take a closer look. When she reached out for it, you were quick to notice a shiny new Cartier Juste in Clou bracelet on her wrist. 

“Erm… when did we get that?” You prodded at the bracelet. Lauren didn’t acknowledge you she just continued on watching the edit loop for the third time. 

“He gave it to me yesterday.” Lauren said nonchalantly keeping her focus on the phone as she began to scroll through the comments on your phone.

“Erm… Jude did?” You questioned her casual tone. “Were you going to mention this?” You laughed with your jaw dramatically slacked awaiting her explanation.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N. He just gets me little things. He buys stuff for me all the time just to be nice.” She explained resting your phone on her leg and turning towards you with an unimpressed face. 

“Did you hear that, Ted? He buys stuff for her all the time.” You mocked her. “It’s a £5,000 bracelet Lauren, it's not little.” You reminded her. It was really nice of him, that wasn’t what you were saying. You were trying to get her to realize people don’t just do that because.

“I never have so many girls here, this is so lovely. Especially you, cutie.” Denise cooed pinching at Teddy's cheeks eliciting a hearty giggle.

“It’s usually just us and occasionally Toby or Jobe.” Lauren laughed, squeezing Teddy’s chubby arm keeping her giggles flowing. She explained only furthering your confusion about the status of her relationship. 

“We need to see you more. Excited for the big day?” Denise looked at you with curiosity. You were focused on Lauren so you had to apologize and ask her to repeat herself. You spoke about the wedding until the game began. You told her it would be small but still special. You had gotten your save the dates out so she was telling you how much she loved the aesthetic of the cards already. Dianne gassed up how organized you’d been and how little Trent had done teasingly. 

“No, no, he’s been great. It’s just so hard in season so even next month I am flying to New York for a few days to get some things done for it by myself... well and with Teddy, obviously.” You smiled, waving off that Trent wasn’t helpful. You were flying in January while Trent had international duties but then it occurred to you where Lauren would be. “Lauren, will you be in town?” You asked in an cheeky tone. 

“I am spending the beginning of January in New York and then I think I'll be here.” She responded to your question with a sharp smile. You raised your eyebrows. The game ticked on. It was a little firey. It made you slightly nervous when games got this chippy but it ended in a draw. Thankfully to be honest. You weren’t super familiar with the stadium so Denise offered to take you down to the pitch once the final whistle blew. Jude texted Lauren to come down to meet them on the field after. You made your way down and were amazed at the scale of this stadium. Sometimes you wondered how the boys managed to just walk out and perform and look so calm. The stadium was emptying out and you felt stressed still even with the reducing amount of eyes potentially on you now. Trent came out the tunnel first with a sluggish Jude following. They had both changed out of their uniforms. The stadium had basically cleared out by the time they both were done with all their post match duties, only the ground keepers were left. You were sitting on the edge of the back of one of the seats. You were facing up away from the pitch chatting with Lauren. Dianne and Denise stood with Teddy further up in the sections stands. Trent came up behind you and smirked, placing his cheek next to yours. His face excruciatingly close to you made you jump. You could feel his aura encasing you immediately. He hugged you tight from behind. He sighed feeling his body relax with you back in his arms

“Missed you, baby” He whispered and you smiled as he kissed your cheek. He flicked his eyes up to his mum descending down the stairs carrying your little girl. He squeezed you extra tight and you melted.  

“Dada!!!!” Teddy squealed seeing Trent appear behind you. Dianne walked down closer to where you were holding her. She wiggled in Dianne’s arms so she put her down letting Teddy do the last two stairs by herself to reach you two. She ran up to you pulling at your jeans wanting you to pick her up. Trent leaned over the ledge separating you and the pitch and picked her up instead. He held her between you two. “Mama dada.” She giggled, kicking her feet excitedly in his arms.

“That’s right, my Ted. Good girl.” You applauded her. “Happy we’re back with dada?” You asked. You were met with a very rambunctious ‘dada’ from Teddy confirming she was.

“My girls. Did you miss me, Teddy girl? Huh? Were you good for mummy?” Trent asked her a million questions, excited to have her back with him. Teddy didn’t really answer any of them though she just clung to him happily.

“Look at you! Such a big girl now!” Jude came over to you three after he said hello to Lauren which you were a little annoyed you missed the opportunity to analyze their interaction. Dianne and Denise sat in a random row of seats watching you all. “I have her birthday present by the way.” Jude picked up Teddy from Trent, you nodded hearing about the present he didn’t need to get her. “Because you turned one years old! You’re so old now!” He laughed raising her up a little higher than she probably cared for.

“Mama!” Teddy squirmed in his arms reaching back out for you in a moment of panic.

“Ted, you’re okay. You know Jude, yeah?” Trent cooed, reaching out to her reassuring her that she was fine. She didn’t spend a lot of time with Jude in person so she was still trying to connect the dots. She eventually did. She liked hearing him talk over facetimes. She looked up at Jude with big eyes inspecting him once she identified that she recognized him and his voice.

“Hi” she giggled then looked back at Trent who nodded confirming that she was okay. She reached her tiny hands up to Jude’s face. She pulled on his goatee. 

“Ouch!” He laughed holding onto her little arms now trying to get her to not. It didn’t actually hurt of course.

“Can we be gentle with Judey, please.” You cooed, pushing a curl behind her ear. She giggled and pulled his facial hair again. “Teddy girl…” you warned her in a more stern tone. She let go of him. Her mouth a little agape, not sure what to do now. She was a good listener. If you told her no she'd stop but then she didn’t know what to do once she was told that. “Maybe can you show Judey how you give a kiss instead?” You looked at her encouragingly. She pushed her lips out towards him. She smashed basically her whole face into his cheek. 

“That was so nice of you, Ted.” You laughed at the face Jude made. He was taken aback by her version of a kiss. 

“Wow, thank you so much. That was… that was…” Jude couldn't exactly find the words to describe the slobber of a kiss he just received. 

“Really nice of you, baby bear.” Trent finished his sentence for him. He squeezed Teddy’s danging leg. 

“Ted, you didn’t want to wear the jersey I got you?” Jude teased. He gave you a Bellingham jersey back when you were pregnant for her. To be fair, she probably could fit into it now but not a shot Trent was going to let her wear it, especially today. Teddy held onto the hood of his tracksuit with a death grip pulling at it watching you all laugh not understanding what he asked her. 

“Nah, my Ted’s a red.” Trent cooed, prying her hand off of Jude’s hood. 

“T, can we take a picture quick?” you asked. Trent nodded. Jude offered to take it for you so Trent helped you over the ledge dividing the seats and the pitch. You grabbed Teddy back from Jude. You walked a little further onto the pitch. Trents arms around your waist. You leaned your head onto his shoulder. He kissed Teddy’s hair before telling her to say cheese. She didn’t, she couldn’t, but she giggled when you tickled her a little so it ended up being a good picture. 

“Okay Fam!” Lauren yelled out smiling seeing your little family all together.

“Baby bear at the Bernabeu.” Trent cooed taking Teddy from you and lifting her up over his head and then back down. He’d toss her up and she’d scream. He laughed and kissed her cheek. Dianne came onto the pitch and asked to take a photo of the five of you. You loved the idea. It made you kind of emotional but you didn’t let anyone else know that. You gathered and Lauren took Teddy from you, wanting to hold her. Jude held Lauren in front of him and you tucked into Trent. It was crazy that this was your life now. On the other hand, Lauren couldn’t help the feeling pinging in her chest. She was next to her best friend's family, your fiancé, your baby and... this boy behind her, what was he? She joked a lot about it but it was hard to avoid when you’re taking a photo like that. She thought about in 5 years time if someone were to ask her who was in the photo, she’d say the Alexander-Arnold family and then… who? What were her and Jude? It was a fairly early game so Teddy was still wide awake. She stood next to you on the pitch holding your hand above her head swaying back and forth. She kept pulling your arm though once she noticed Trent and Jude kicking a ball back and forth as they stood further away on the pitch talking about the game.  

“Hello!?” You giggled. “Do you need something?” You looked down at her with a smile. She looked up at you with wide eyes and pointed over to them. “Oh I see. You want to go be with the boys. Do you want to play footie with daddy?” You asked standing with Dianne, Denise and Lauren. You called out to Trent and let go of her hand. She eagerly ran towards them with a giggle. Trent crouched down to her level and waited with open arms for her to reach him. He gave her a big hug and then placed the ball in front of her. She kicked it a few times and fell a few more times but it was cute. They were attempting to pass back and forth but you stopped paying attention after a while coming back into your own conversation in front of you. You heard Teddy squeal a bit later so you turned around to make sure she was fun. She was. Jude was chasing after her, actively trying to go slow so he didn’t catch her. 

“Dada!!!!” She screamed with a giggle. She ran to Trent and hid behind his legs. 

“Can’t get away from me, Ted, C’mere!” Jude yelled, running behind Trent and scooping her up. You watched Lauren’s face shift from intent focus on what Dianne was currently saying to a soft pout seeing Jude running carrying Teddy. It was all jokes and she’d never say but Lauren was processing a lot right now. Back on the pitch, they played a game of 2 v 1. Teddy and Jude versus daddy. Jude did most of the work but he’d get the ball to the goal and set it for Teddy to come and kick it across the line. Jude naturally made her do his trademark celebration. 

“Turn, Ted and then we face the big crowd, yeah? Put your arms out like this.” He instructed her pulling her arms up far and wide for her. “Good girl!” He cooed before tickling her tummy. She giggled and dropped her arms trying to protect herself. 

“Baby bear! You can’t be doing that wearing daddy’s jersey.” Trent pouted, making a sad face at her, taking a defeated seat on the grass. She ran over to him swiftly yet clumsily. 

“Dada, no sad.” Teddy cooed worried she had actually made Trent sad. She wrapped her arms up around his neck. She grunted adorably trying to get closer to him. 

“I’m okay, baby. We’re just having fun, okay?” He cooed, pulling her off him to look at her face. She nodded, pursing her lips and pushing them out towards him. “Want a kiss from daddy, now? You beat me in a game and now you want a kiss from me!?!!?” He yelled teasingly as she stood between is sprawled out legs with his hands around her. She giggled in his arms but kept her lips pursed out adamant she got one. “Mwah! C’mon, on my team now.” he instructed her, amidst Teddy's excited response to the kiss.

“Gotta score if you want to celebrate, mate.” Jude laughed standing in front of the goal with his hands on his hips watching Trent standing back up.

“See, Ted, you don’t want to be on his team anyway. He’s mean. You want to play with daddy, right?” Trent rolled a ball in front of her.  They played for ages but Teddy eventually got tired. She pulled at Trent’s joggers not wanting to move any more.

“Dada up!” She whined looking up at him desperately. “Up!” Her eyes beginning to water. Trent picked her up and gave her a cuddle before Teddy tucked her face in the nape of his neck sleepily. He kissed her cheek but didn’t abandon the game, naturally. Trent scored on Jude and ran with Teddy celebrating. 

“Get in! TAA’s take the win.” He held Teddy out in front of him and kissed her dramatically. Lifting her like she was a trophy. She giggled but eagerly grabbed to hold on to his neck when he brought her back down to stay tucked in his arms. 

“You’re the only person I know that is a sore winner. Teddy, be better than this. Be a better TAA.” Jude shook his head as the three of them walked back over to where you all were on the side of the pitch. 

“She is a better TAA.” Lauren cheekily poked at Trent.  

“A better TAA and a sleepier one too. huh?” You cooed, grabbing Teddy from Trent. She yawned and closed her eyes cozying up on your chest. You got all your things together and said goodbye to Denise. Lauren and Jude you were seeing later for a late dinner. Like very late but you were in Spain so maybe just late for you.

“Ted, want to lay with me? Can we let mummy shower please?” Trent cooed with a laugh. He was exhausted after the match laying in the hotel room bed. Teddy was sitting on the floor of the bathroom adamant about being with you but you needed to shower. “Come gimme a cuddle, baby bear.” He asked for her again, sitting up a little to make sure she heard him. That was it. Hearing he wanted a cuddle was all she needed to hear. She was immediately up and running to his side of the bed. He picked her up and tucked her in close to him. “Thank you for playing footie with me tonight. Did you have fun?” He asked Teddy, helping her get comfortable. She nodded, rubbing her face against his chest. Her tiny hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. Trent was focused on Teddy but definitely didn’t miss you exiting the bathroom a little while on in just your panties and a skimpy tank top. “Mmm c’mere mummy.” He cooed, seeing you. You rolled your eyes at his seductive tone but with Teddys instant call of your name you easily gave in. You cuddled with them for a little. Both Teddy and Trent out quite quickly. You were just happy to lay with both of them though. It was late so you needed to have Teddy stay asleep at this point but you also needed Trent to get up now.

“T… Baby, we have to get going. I’m sorry.” you whispered, stroking your thumb over his high cheekbone to wake him. “You promised you’d go.” you cooed, reminding the sleepy boy.

“Well I take it back.” He whispered in response, still keeping his eyes shut. You first felt a tinge of annoyance but then you just felt bad he was so tired. 

“Okay, I’ll tell Lauren we can't.” You softly told him, moving your hand to brush over his hair. You wanted to go out but whatever he needed was more important even if it was his sleep.

“Nah, nah, don't. I’ll go, baby, I’ll go.” He groaned but managed to open his eyes. He looked at you with a sincere but sleepy smile. “I’ll go, wanna take you out.” he cooed and sent you a wink. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t still get you flustered when he did that.  

“Would you mind taking Ted to your mum's room so I can get ready quick?” You asked him quietly, looking at Teddy still soundly passed out on his chest. He hummed a 'yes' following your sightline to her. You watched his eyes wake up more and gleam looking at his baby girl.  “She’s gorgeous, isn't she?” you cooed sweetly both admiring your tiny creation.

“Yeah, absolutely perfect.” He ran his hand up her back, pressing a kiss to her head.

“I love how happy and excited she is by things. Tonight, watching her run around the pitch with you was so amazing. I just want her to stay that happy. She has the most beautiful smile, I never want it to go away.” You gushed about how adorable you thought she was. Teddy could be shy which wasn’t exactly far fetched considering you and Trent’s approach to life but despite her fears, she seemed to want to try things. She’d cuddle close to you but then pull away wanting to go check something out. You appreciated how curious she had become but the smile on her face whilst doing it made it all the better.

“She will. You make her happy, baby. You make me so happy. Trust me, she has a mummy like you, she’ll be happy.” He turned to you, grabbing your jaw with one hand and tilting your head up to look at him.

“Yeah?” You asked him shyly for reassurance. “I love her so much.” You confessed the obvious to Trent.

“Yeah. You know, my mum texted me a photo of you two on the way here. I told her that’s my whole world right there” He explained before he kissed your forehead and then Teddy’s.

“My little Teddy…” You cooed, turning your head out of his hand's grip to look down at her. You pulled her tiny pajama top that had ridden up revealing her adorably pudgy tummy back down. 

“And you, baby. You. My girls are my whole world.” Trent whispered, still keeping his gaze on you. 

“You’re our whole world, T.”' You kissed his shoulder. Even in a foreign country, with you and Teddy with him he had never felt more at home. Trent carried Teddy carefully to Dianne’s room, ensuring he did not wake her. Dianne told you she’d watch Teddy for the night so you two could go out with Jude and Lauren which you appreciated. It was nice and honestly such a luxury you had such a willing family to help you out. You got dressed while Trent was down the hall in a Mui Mui sweater and tiny silver shorts paired with pink metallic Louboutins Trent said were silly to bring to a city with so much cobble stone but you disregarded him for the sake of a good outfit.  It was December but it was still Madrid so definitely warmer than where you’d have to fly home tomorrow. Trent came back into the room and plopped down on the bed. His outfit took about 1 minute in total to pull together. White t-shirt, tan trousers, out the door. 

“Explain this to me…” Trent asked you with a cheeky smile sitting on the edge of the bed inspecting your outfit with you as you stood in front of the hotel room's full-length mirror.

“What?” You picked your head up and looked back at him through the mirror.

“These.” He stood up and walked over to you before he pulled the short hem of the shorts down trying to do the impossible and get them to cover your ass. 

“You don’t like?” You asked him earnestly. Readjusting the waist of the shorts to return them to their original fit, a bit of your ass showing again. 

“Erm… you look good, trust me… you look really good but more in a ‘I want to take these off’ than in a ‘this fit hits.’ way.” He looked at you seriously trying to wrap his head around the outfit. 

“Maybe that’s what I was going for.” You spun around and kissed his lips. He laughed and rolled his eyes. You two joked that often if Trent didn’t ‘understand’ your outfit it probably meant it was good. You left the hotel to meet Lauren and Jude at a restaurant in a lively part of the city that they liked a lot. You trusted them and neither you or Trent knew Madrid so it was where you were headed. 

“Oh I’m sorry, are we interrupting something?” You giggled. When you walked in you immediately saw Lauren stood in between Jude’s legs as he sat on a bar stool. Her arms lovingly draped over his shoulders. Their lips ghosting over each others as they talked because they were that close. Lauren pulled away bashfully.

“Hiii!” You sang your greeting, smushing a kiss to Jude’s cheek. He rolled his eyes at your maternal affection. “Long time no see.” you cooed sarcastically.

“Mrs. TAA.” He kissed your cheek back.  “Just saying… I called this from early. I said Mrs. TAA before Teddy was even born.” He quipped trying to take ownership of something he had no affect on. 

“Jude, everyone in their mother knew this was happening you weren't exactly predicting the unpredictable.” Lauren laughed. He kissed her shoulder and you tried your best not to let your eyes widen. They seemed so… coupley. You did wonder to yourself if this was what they were like all the time and Lauren was just keeping the domesticity of it all hush. “Anyways! I love these!” Lauren cooed pulling on the belt loop of your shorts. You giggled and turned towards Trent to make sure he heard the compliment.  

“Trent is not on board.” you smiled at him smugly then turned back to Lauren to tell her the brand of the shorts. 

“I didn’t say that! I just… “ Trent began to prepare his defense but Lauren was quick to cut him off.

“What!? She looks so good. You’re just dumb.” Lauren dismissed his opinion. 

“I didn't say she didn't look good! Oh my days! Jude, back me up, bro.” Trent tried to get him to join his side of an argument no one really cares about. 

“Nah, this is a lose lose for me if I say anything here, mate, sorry.” Jude wasn’t risking his evening making a comment about your miniscule shorts. You got sat for dinner at a table tucked in the back of the restaurant far away from any chaos that followed Jude around the city. It was nice to catch up with them. You tried your hardest not to ask what was going on between them because you didn’t want to put them on the spot but just the way they were sitting had you dying to talk about it. Lauren tucked in Jude’s arms, head resting on his shoulder talking about the breakfast place they went to the other day. You were transfixed on every slight movement. 

“You gonna pay attention to me at all?” Trent whispered in your ear, sliding his hand over your thigh squeezing the inside. You smirked not realizing you had been so focused on them and not him. You apologized for not being very present.  “Nah, don’t say sorry. Just checking in. Making sure the most beautiful girl is all good.” You hummed letting him know you were just fine before he kept talking. “How do you do it, baby? Every country we go to, you're always the most beautiful girl in the whole place.” He cooed. 

“Stop…”  you hid your face behind your hands. He pulled them down. 

“I’ve been telling you since our first date don’t hide that face from me, baby.” He cooed, holding your hands in his. His finger stroked over your massive engagement ring. You turned your head to look directly at him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. 

“Best thing I’ve tasted all night.” He whispered, ghosting his lips over yours. You giggled at the ridiculous flirtation. Your dinner ended with you and Lauren begging the two boys that had played 100 minutes of football tonight and just paid for the 2 hour dinner you had at a luxe restaurant to go out to a club. They did not want to go but either you managed to convince them or they secretly wanted to go all along. Regardless, you were now going. You had security escort you out. It’s not like you had not been around this type of attention or media circus before, especially being around Jude, but in Spain, in Madrid, this was a madhouse. Trent kept you tight to the front of him. One arm wrapped around your waist the other draped over your chest. You snuck into a club that had private areas which was important for the boys but in general it was a low key, relaxed place once you got inside. Trent and Jude of course, got stopped entering the club for photos. They stopped but told you and Lauren to head in. Lauren jetted off to the bathroom. Despite your pleas, Lauren told you she’d die if she didn’t go so there you were alone in a club in Madrid. You posted up against a pillar and not long after two men approached you. You hated being outnumbered anywhere but in a club with a language you didn’t speak stressed you out even more. They kept trying to talk to you so you’d give them a polite smile and tell them you didn’t speak Spanish. Finally though you just hit your limit of niceties. 

“I’m getting married and I’m literally a mum, I’m sorry!” You yelled into one of the men’s ears trying to deter them away. 

“No tienes una bebe!” One replied, shocked, ignoring the first part of your sentence. You didn’t speak the language but you could piece together words here and there so you understood what he was getting at. 

“You're way too sexy to be a mum… not with a body like this.” The other man piled on. You shut your eyes not flattered by the compliment but annoyed. Where the fuck were Trent, Jude, and Lauren! You looked down at your phone trying not to pay attention to the man refusing to leave your side. Then in an instant when you picked your head up you clocked a 6’2 angel boy cutting through a crowd of people towards you. 

“Hiiiii!!” You just about screamed wrapping your arms around Jude. Feeling relief wash over you. Jude draped his arm around you. He pulled you closer to him but was trying to play catch up with what was causing the uptick in affection. Of course, the two Spanish men’s jaws dropped seeing him. 

“Es Jude Bellingham! You have a child?” One of the men was shocked and confused trying to deduce if the child you had was Judes. 

“Yes! Yes!” You answered for him. Cuddling up to Jude. He tightened his hold on you but leaned down to whisper to you very confused. 

“What is going on?” He asked in your ear. He looked at the men then back at you and put two and two together so he smiled finally understanding. He difused the situation without bringing up the topic of a child. The men eventually left after a selfie with Jude. 

“Gimme a kiss baby… god, I love my baby mama so much.” Jude cooed teasingly, dropping his hands to your waist. 

“Oh fuck off!” You laughed moving out of his hold. “So ridiculous. I don’t understand guys like that. I told them I’m getting married, I told them I have a child and yet they stay.” You ranted to him. Trent appeared and you just fell into his arms. “I missed you.” you cooed, clinging to him.

“I missed you too even in the 5 minutes we were apart, baby.” Trent laughed pushing strands of your hair behind your ear coming to cup your cheeks. Suddenly the room felt small, the lights dimmer than before. You stared back at Trent and you could feel your heart thumping in your chest. You felt like a magnet being drawn into him. Your lips gravitating towards his without a thought. Your lips pressed into his perfect pout softly kissing him. 

“Sorry…” You pulled away giggling. 

“I’m not… c’mere." He pulled you back into him. His hands dropped down to your ass. “Maybe I like this shorts after all.” He whispered.

“Yeah? I thought you might.” He kissed you again slow but it heated up, your nails dragging over his chest.

“T…” You warned him. “People might be watching.” You were assuming because at the moment you couldn’t take your eyes off him but it was a pretty safe bet.

“I don’t care. Let them watch. I want people to know you’re with me.” His eyes were glued to your glossy lips. His hand movements getting cheekier and cheekier.

“Erm… okay, we’re going to the table. You can join us if you’re ever able to pry yourself off one another. “ Lauren interrupted you. You didn’t look at her, neither did Trent but you heard what she said.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍 SMUT will return in a big way in the next chapter I think...

Next part - Chapter 17 xx

[thesecretsofthedivine]

Pick a Pile Reading | What Do People Admire/Find Beautiful About You? ☄. *. ⋆

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PILE 1 COLLECTIVE

7 of pentacles. ace of cups. the magician.

channeled songs: sh-boom - the chords. starstruck - christopher wilde. magic - bob. where you lead - carole king.

people admire how much of a visionary you are! your aesthetic sensitivity, long-term goals, personal values, business skills, creativity, and optimism are some sources of your beauty. people find you to be very physically beautiful in general though. maybe it’s the advice you give or the pleasant sound of your voice, but your charm is undeniable. people also appreciate your unique flare, work ethic, and emotional intelligence. it’s clear you have big dreams and capabilities. something about you is dependable and trustworthy to others. you have tinkering energy and raw talent. people recognize the positive impact you make regardless of the environment. you may often be in a fixer-upper, alchemist, support system, teacher role. people admire your dedication and feel more connected to their dreams/purpose because of you. your energy is healing and uplifting. the sincerity in your heart is a gift and allows others to find hope/relief in you. you’re a trailblazer, philanthropist, humanitarian that does the world good simply by existing and sharing your light. your self-assured outlook is infectious and the way you make life feel like a party is irreplaceable. people admire how much of a safe space and muse you are, tied all into one.

PILE 2 COLLECTIVE

knight of cups. 2 of wands. 9 of wands rx.

channeled songs: perfect (exceeder) - mason. the heart wants what it wants - selena gomez. come & get it - selena gomez.

you are a natural flirt and an object of affection, whether you know it or not! you've got sweetheart/crush/eye candy energy. people love to simply know and be near u. it can be hard to read your mind because of your gentle/feminine/passive nature, which tends to keep the thrill or mystery alive! you're someone that can appear intimidating or too hot to handle, but your inner self is much more reassuring and grounded. people find your resilience, charm, social status, patience, thoughtfulness, style, and mysteriousness to be beautiful. it’s giving hot but unavailable/bad bitch or bad boy. you can be quite protective with your energy/time, which people admire. you know not to settle and to treat yourself like the prize. you often intimidate but intrigue others. cat's got their tongue when they look at you! you embody the beauty standard or simply have that “it” factor. you leave people wanting more and struggling to move on from you. you’re unforgettable and mesmerizing, which is beautiful. you’re like a still and elegant work of art that people would go up to admire in a museum. sometimes it can seem like you're a shiny toy that everyone wants a chance to play with, but you’re not easily impressed.

PILE 3 COLLECTIVE

queen of swords. 5 of wands rx. knight of pentacles. knight of wands.

channeled songs: look at me, i’m sandra dee - grease soundtrack. something that i want - grace potter.

your composure, morality, clear judgment, inner beliefs, and stimulating conversation are really attractive to others! people feel that you have a way with words or a commanding presence without actually exerting force. you’re strategic and wise beyond your years, which makes people want to respect you. others also admire your resilience and thoughtfulness. you can easily find answers to problems or have an unmatched intuition to those around you. you’re in it to win it, which makes u dedicated and passionate. for some, you may relate to the underdog. even with life’s tough challenges, you always persevere. people admire your loyalty & find your mind attractive. you may tend to keep to yourself or people could view you as having a big ego, but your tunnel vision blocks out all that noise. you're admired for the way you defy expectations and others’ authority. you are the boss of your own life and a force to be reckoned with. your identity is a mix of stoic tradition + edgy rebellion, which can surprise people at times. your tenacity, analytical traits, high spirits, and capacity to lead are beautiful. you have natural leadership skills that make people want your approval or loyalty. your aura is dominant and elusive so people know better than to stand in your way or do anything other than tag along for the ride.

PILE 4 COLLECTIVE

8 of swords. 9 of swords. 8 of pentacles. justice (libra).

channeled songs: i’m a mess - bebe rexha. mind over matter - young the giant.

your past, independence, emotional maturity/depth, complex mind, shadow self, and resilience are focal points of attraction. you are a survivor who takes their time in opening up/letting go. people admire the capabilities of your heart and feel a lot of sympathy for you. others may feel that you are too much of a people pleaser or often underestimate/overwork yourself, which makes them want to show up for you. the more reluctant with embracing confidence you are, the more people want to advocate for your potential and growth. others feel like you deserve all the privileges and platforms that you may have been previously denied. you deserve to take up space. people tend to develop a karmic attraction to you where they want to see things through or can’t bring themselves to leave your life. you are hardworking and deserving of everything good, which can enhance other people’s desire to provide and show up for you. if life has not been fair to you, this inspires generosity and admiration in others. people feel protective and want to advocate for you. your fairness and respect for the balance of life is also beautiful. people enjoy how even-tempered, considerate, honest, and reflective you are. they see you as the work hard, play hard type. “went from nothing to something”, apocalyptic energy. you’re on your grind and everyone wants to be a personal cheerleader to you. you fight the good fight and others believe in ur potential because of how beautiful your heart is + how much you’ve overcome. your willpower is also a defining statement/testament of your core identity.