#semi-dysphoric

[happybunnykat]

Kinda coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably never going to be in a position where I can transition because I will probably never get a job that is not customer facing in an area that isn't in the bible belt. Or. You know America in general.

[tertiaryapocalypse]

important to remember that transmen can and sometimes do perpetuate misogyny. i find that (especially amongst transmen who are dysphoric and/or pass) there's an amount of distancing from the very idea of womanhood that can unintentionally result in misogynistic thought processes

[mister-bloom]

Rate your muse’s traits 0-10!

Compassion: 3/10 Bitterness: 1/10 Happiness: 4/10 Politeness: 7/10 Chivalry: 3/10 Pride: 10/10 Honesty: 5/10* Bravery: 10/10 Recklessness: 10/10 Ambition: 10/10 Loyalty: 0/10 Love: 2/10 Sense of family: 0/10 Attractiveness: ?/10* Agility: 8/10 Sex drive: 2/10

Tagged by: @red-hemlock Tagging: @no-rose-without-a-thorne @hisrighthandman @d-d-disgusting @the-last-laugh @yieldingdreams (for puck) and anyone else who wants to

[leoxxii]

i have to move out i have to transition i have to move out i have to transition i have to move out i h

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello!

I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay. So, I'm genderfluid afab and feel like a man sometimes (probably more often than I allow myself to realise). I don't have access to a Binder or anything of that sort (transphobic parents).

Is there any way for me to look/be more masculine? I'm a bit scared of goggling because I don't want to accidentally take advice from Tate people or the like.

(PS. I really like your Siegfried Farnon cosplay!)

Heya!

This is a tough one to answer. Because "masculine" means different things to different people. And "passing", as well.

Like. When I wear my fleece jacket and baseball cap, I'm deliberately passing as a certain type of man. But I felt more masculine the other day wearing an ascot.

So, I think we need to break down this question:

1) If you're looking to pass, there are going to be trans masc guides out there that will direct you to a very particular gender presentation. They tend to assume you are white and skinny. They present themselves as a list of Dos and Do-Nots, and at the end of the day, do more harm than good, imo. Because passing guides are almost always about hiding parts of yourself physically, often to the expense of hiding parts of your psyche.

Seek them out if you must, but when it comes to passing for safety, all I can suggest is ambiguous layers, a hat, keeping your head down and your mouth shut. The best way to pass is to not draw attention to yourself, alas.

2) If you're looking to dress more masculine to alleviate gender dysphoria, then you need to drill down to what makes you dysphoric and start there. My smaller feet is one area of contention for me, so I look for semi-dressy shoes that look long and elegant (like Taft boots). Since you can't get a binder, consider layers, if your chest bothers you.

3) If you're looking to dress more masculine to seek gender euphoria, then figure out your aesthetic masculine ideal. Make a pinboard of Looks you enjoy and see if there are trends. Some folks are drawn to athletic wear. Work wear. Perhaps a vintage aesthetic -- Rockabilly. 90s grunge. 1940s British country vet (meeeee, lol).

Ask yourself: What are the hallmarks of this style? Are there casual and formal versions? How does it change seasonally? How much of it is clothing and how much of it is the body (haircut, being muscular, etc)? And above all - what is this style trying to communicate to others?

Once done, see what sort of fashion tips are out there for your style. Who are the fashion experts and how much do you care about their advice? (Menswear guy has great tips about how a modern suit "should" fit, but a lot of his advice is also personal preference with a big dollop of classism.)

Pay close attention to how men wear their clothes -- where they sit on the body, how they style the outfit. Compare how a man is styled in your preferred look to how a woman is styled and see what that sparks in you. How much of it is the clothing or body? How much is posture? You might discern some visual shorthand you can harness to be read as more masculine. You might also come up with ways to have plausible deniability around your parents by being able to pivot a masculine look to be more feminine, when needed.

After all this research, get yourself to a thrift shop or other second hand option and start experimenting. Buying actual men's clothing is probably going to be your best bet, but depending on your Look Book, that may not always be the case.

No one can tell you how to feel more masculine -- that really needs to come from within. Once you figure that out, then it's a matter of reconciling your ideal look with the peculiarities of your body. (And all men have their own challenges wrt the fit of clothes.)

Afford yourself as much grace as possible when it comes to your body. And again, remember that feeling more masculine and passing more masculine may not always overlap and could even be at odds. And only you can determine if and when that is a problem.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

BG3 Companions (& Halsin) Realizing That Their GN! Tav Might Have PMDD

Characters: GN! Reader! Tav; Astarion; Gale; Wyll; Shadowheart; Karlach; Lae’zel; Halsin

Pairing(s): None, but it’s written as All Companions x Tav so if you have a romanced companion you prefer, you can imagine they have most of Tav’s favor. 

A/N: This is a highly indulgent imagine that absolutely NO ONE asked for (besides me lol) but I felt compelled to write it because I’ve been really struggling lately with some extreme PMS symptoms for the last few months or so. I don’t have a PMDD diagnosis yet or anything, but in looking up my symptoms I read about it and wanted to write this comfort piece for it. I kept Tav as gender-neutral as possible in this, but they do have a very active and very angry uterus in this.

TW: Discussion of Menstruation (Bleeding, Cramps/ Abdominal Pain), PMS, and PMDD Symptoms (Including Depression & Thoughts of Suicide) [Note: No one actually says ‘PMDD’, or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder but that is the syndrome implied]; Brief Mentions of Sex (also small text)

Word Count: 3.7k

“Have any of you seen Tav lately?” Astarion asked, coming to sit next to a handful of his fellow companions seated around their camp’s fire. 

“Why? Has something else gone wrong?” Shadowheart teased back from where she lay against a log, a goblet of half-drunk wine in her hand. “Or perhaps, you’re looking for a bite to eat?” 

“Ha-ha,” Astarion mock laughed. “‘Bite,’ because I’m a vampire, how hilarious Shadowheart.” 

“I don’t know Astarion,” Gale countered from where he was perched on the other side of the former Sharran devotee, “I’d wager you secretly found it rather punny.” 

“Ugh,” Astarion wrinkled his nose at Gale’s words, failing to hide the amused smile that graced his lips. “Honestly Gale, as if the orb isn’t enough.”

Astarion, having lost interest in sitting next to his companions, settled for standing, crossing his arms, and jutting out one hip in his signature semi-annoyed pose.

“Come now Astarion, you can’t say Gale’s love for language comes as a surprise,” Wyll joined the conversation, sheathing his blade after having used Lae’zel’s whetstone to sharpen it. “Why I’d wager even Lae’zel can attest that in the farthest reaches of the Githyanki galaxy, the repetition of a wizard’s sharpened tongue precedes them.” 

Lae’zel huffed affirmatively, taking the opportunity to sharpen her sword. “Tchk. The Blade is right. It is no secret that wizards cannot help but run their mouths.” 

Karlach, having been seated quite literally in the middle of the conversation, from where she lay next to the campfire flames, burst out laughing, sitting up with a start. 

Shadowheart and Astarion couldn’t help but chuckle as well. 

Lae’zel’s eyes glowered as she looked at her other companions. “I do not see the cause for such antics” 

“Yes! Thank you Lae’zel!” Gale spoke up, wagging a finger in protest at the display of his friends. “A wizard’s intellectual prowess is no laughing matter.” 

“That which you discuss has yet to be seen.” Lae’zel rebuffed Gale yet again. 

“Pfft!” Shadowheart nearly choked on her drink as Karlach resumed her boisterous laughter, Wyll joining in this time as well. 

“Enjoying a night of merriment, are we?” Halsin’s deep voice cut through the laughs, his large form coming into view as the Druid emerged from the tree line. Shirtless, and still dripping, his presence brought a warm air to the camp, despite the night’s chilled air. 

“We certainly are now,” Astarion purred, admiring the druid’s half-naked form. 

“Mhhm,” Shadowheart took another sip of her wine. “For once, Astarion,  I’d have to agree.” 

Completely comfortable in his nudity, and unintimidated by the other’s ogling, Halsin strutted confidently over to where his fellow companions had gathered around the fire. “I had just finished bathing when Tav came to the lakeside. Said they were going to take a bath to unwind before bed.” 

“I’m surprised they didn’t ask you to join them,” Astarion mused, eyes still raking up and down Halsin’s sculpted form. 

Halsin gave a half smirk at the compliment, but his mood remained subdued. “They seemed upset. I offered to stay with them, even just to chat, but they insisted they wished to be left alone.“ 

Frowning, Gale scanned the faces of his companions, looking for a negative reaction, finding a similar dower one had made its way across Wyll’s and Karlach’s features. 

Looking to Karlach for solidarity, Wyll spoke up first: “Has anyone noticed Tav to be much more despondent as of late?” 

Karlach nodded. “Yesterday as well. Hells, it’s so odd to see them so down in the dumps. They’re usually leading the charge in making sure the rest of us are happy.”

“Has something changed? Perhaps Raphael contacted them yet again?” Gale supposed. 

Shadowheart shook her head. “Not that I know of. Besides, even if he did, this feels too familiar to just be a coincidence.” 

Lae’zel resheathed her newly sharpened blade before stalking over to the Selunite priestess. “Tchk. If you have something to share ghustil, say it outright.” 

Shadowheart rolled her eyes at the quarrelsome nature of Lae’zel’s words but continued speaking nonetheless. “If I recall correctly, a similar thing happened a while back, a few weeks perhaps.” 

“Yes,” Wyll joined. “I remember Tav crying after one of our battles.” 

“Come now,” Gale countered. “That’s hardly a mystery. It’s completely understandable why they might break down every now and then. It’s been a hard few months, even for a leader as strong as Tav.” 

“Perhaps,” Wyll relented. “Although, I can’t recall Tav giving a specific reason for their meltdown.” 

“‘Reason’?” Asatrion scoffed. “How about the fact that we’re all infected with Mindflayer parasites which could hatch at any moment? On top of which we are expected to destroy this Absolute death cult, lest all of Baldur’s Gate be turned into a tentacle wasteland!” 

“It is enough to make one’s blood run cold.” Gale agreed. 

“I do think Shadowheart may have a point.” Halsin put his two cents in. “I do recall around two months ago, Tav coming to me for healing, relief for abdominal cramps.”

“Oh, well that settles it, doesn’t it? It’s merely that ‘time of the month’, rather unfortunate and annoying, but hardly devastating for our capable leader.” Astarion sounded unconvinced, as he looked down to admire his recently shaped fingernails. 

Halsin shook his head. “I sensed there was more they wished to request aid for. They were holding something back. What exactly and why, I am unsure.” 

“Maybe they’ve just got a tough go of it. I know my whole body was thrown entirely out of whack waking up in Avernus. It took years for me to feel like myself again.” Karlach gestured at her many scars as she did so. 

All the time, Lae’zel had been listening intensely, a curious look across her face. “What is this ‘time of the month’?” She repeated. “Is it another,” she paused, making sure to pronounce the following word right, “Tiefling trait?” 

Karlach shook her head. “We’re not exempt from it,” she replied honestly. “But no, it’s not just tieflings.” 

“You mean to tell me that female Githyanki don’t have periods?” Shadowheart asked, having thrown all her pretenses out along with the last of her wine. 

“As I have said before ghustil, we do not become parents through sex. When it is time, we are chosen by Vlaakith to lay the eggs of our young.” 

“And this, ‘egg-laying’, as you call it… it, isn’t um, gender specific?” Gale, ever the wizard, just had to know. 

“No. Sex is irrelevant. The only thing of importance is whether you are called by Vlaakith to bear that which houses her future children.” 

“... Right,” Gale answered, feeling rather queasy. “I think that’s all I’d like to know if you don’t mind.”  

“Can we please get back to the point?” Astarion interrupted, rather impatient. “Tav is spiraling or having a mental breakdown or something, and apparently, only the Cleric and Druid noticed, how cliche.” 

 “Alright, Astarion. What do you suggest?” Wyll asked. 

“Well, obviously we need to find out what’s wrong with them so we can fix it.” 

“If it is this ‘time-of-month’, then why not stop it before it comes? You know when it nears, why not strike it down before it starts?” Lae’zel suggested, still not fully understanding what a ‘period’ was for a human. 

“That may not solve all the difficulties Tav is experiencing.” Halsin finally pulled his shirt back over his head, much to the others' collective disappointment. “There is more, although I am uncertain if I should share it, as Tav shared it with me in confidence.” 

“If it could help us help Tav, perhaps it is best to share this once?” Gale suggested. “Normally, I’m not one for shifting loyalties, but I too, have some things I think it’s better I share with the group.” 

“Now that you mention it, I do recall Tav saying something off-color last night,” Astatrion added. 

“What did they say?” Karlach asked.

“They mentioned they had been feeling rather down. Really down. So down, that they, well…” Astarion gave an exasperated huff, clearly uneasy with the topic. “...Tav said that sometimes, they feel like giving up.” 

“What did you tell them?” Wyll asked, encouraging Astarion to go on. 

“I said of course they feel like that! I mean who wouldn't? Between the Mindflayer parasites, the constant goblin attacks, the thieves, and the looming threat of this Absolute Cult, who wouldn't want to lie down for a few hundred years or so?” 

“I must admit, Tav’s confession to me a few months back was similar in nature,” Gale attested. “They expressed how defeated they felt as if nothing they did mattered. All the battles, all the small victories, it didn’t change anything. The Absolute was still going strong, the threat of the world’s end still looming… They asked me if any of it was worth it.” 

Halsin nodded. “I fear I was told more of the same. Tav divulged that they sometimes wondered if I, if we, would fare better on our journey without them.”

A silence fell over the companions, a cerebral, unsettling kind of silence, the kind one could feel resonating, laden within one's bones. 

“Shit,” Karlch said, the first to speak. “I mean, I knew they were upset sometimes, but I just figured we all were.” 

“Halsin,” Shadowheart started, gently. “When Tav told you they thought we’d be better off without them, what did you say?” 

“I embraced them and told them that in no uncertain terms, we needed them to lead us. I reminded Tav how amazing they are, and how, even though they themselves cannot see it, they are truly a marvel to behold. I expressed gratitude for them saving The Grove, for making peace between the tieflings and the druids.”

Wyll nodded along to Halsin’s words, recalling all that he and Tav had managed to accomplish together in such a short time, despite all the odds stacked against them. 

Halsin cleared his throat, swallowing down an ardent wave of emotion that threatened to escalate before he continued: “Lastly, I told them how I felt about them, how we all felt about them, and that should they ever require reminding, they need only ask.” 

From where he stood, Astarion sulked, a guilty expression making its way across his face. “I, I didn’t know. Godsdammit! I should have seen…”

“You cannot blame yourself Astarion.” Halsin did his best to assure his pale elf friend. “Even with Tav’s confession, I fear I did not heed their words the way I should have. Perhaps if I connected the dots more quickly, if I recorded the dates of their depressive episodes, we could have come to this conclusion weeks ago.” 

“What conclusion is that exactly?” Lae’zel enquired. “You say it is not this ‘time-of-month’, and yet, you make no other claims. What cause do you reference?” 

“It’s rare, but sometimes it happens that a human’s reproductive organs seemingly conspire against them,” Gale answered. “Well, more than is to be expected, I should clarify.” 

“Ah. So it is inferior istik reproductive organs to blame for our dear leader’s shakiness. Then perhaps they need be cut out.” 

“Lae’zel!” Gale gasped. 

Lae’zel crossed her arms as if to say ‘what’? 

“It needn’t come to that,” Halsin cut in, diffusing the situation. “That is not to say it’s not a possibility, but only in the most dire and extreme cases.” 

“Yes,” Shadowheart agreed. “And despite my being a cleric and Halsin being a druid, neither one of us is qualified for such procedures.” 

Lae’zel took a moment to process their words. “Indeed, I see. In that case, it is wise that that scalpel-wielding bard is not currently accompanying us. Vlaakith knows his surgical skills are nothing more than mere talk, given his removal of Tav’s eye.” 

“... Is that a joke?” Astarion asked, dumbfounded at Lae’zel’s choice of deadpan delivery amid such a dire discussion.   

“Do not look so surprised shka'keth, I am considered most humorous amongst my people.” 

“You know what?” Wyll butt in, “That, I do believe.” 

 Astarion scoffed. “Well, perhaps, Lae’zel could use her humor to cheer Tav up. Unless any of you have any other ideas?” 

“I think perhaps it would be better for us to sit Tav down for a heart-to-heart. Remind them how much they mean to us.” The Blade of Frontiers did not beat around the bush. 

“I agree,” Halsin seconded. “Perhaps the message coming from us all would be better received than it was coming from me alone.” 

“It’s worth a try,” Karlach agreed. “Gods know we care about them. And there’s no way we would have gotten this far without them.” 

“The tiefling is right. Tav may be istik, but they are still our leader.” Lae’zel spoke up, roused by her companions' sudden ire. “We have a duty to them to finish this, to cleanse these parasites from our bodies and destroy The Absolute.”

Shadowheart sighed, before righting herself and walking over to Lae’zel’s side. “If Lae’zel’s in, then I might as well join. Wyll, what about you? Up for an intervention?” 

Wyll looked at Karlach, catching her eye. Following a triumphant smirk from Karlach, the duo nodded their respective affirmations before joining Halsin, Astarion, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart where they stood. 

And that just left…

“Gale? Care to join us? Or will you be too busy pinning over your ex-goddess girlfriend?” Astarion ribbed. 

Gale shook his head, Astarion’s antics not being a new experience for him at all. 

“I’m not pining, and, even if I were, Tav is much more important at the moment. Why, in fact,” Gale’s voice got quieter, more serious, “Some nights I fear I would give up The Weave, hells, even eternity if it meant Tav would be happy.” 

No one else said anything in response, they didn't need to. It was clear to all of them, that they all loved Tav deeply, even on the days, or weeks Tav couldn't find any love for themselves. 

“Do you think Tav would be done bathing by now? Not that I’d mind getting a little peak, though I’m not sure how they’d feel about that.” Astarion mused. 

“Astarion,” Wyll warned.

“I’m only kidding. Mostly.” 

“I’m sure they’ll be back shortly. Let us prepare what we wish to say so that when they do arrive-” Halsin started, but was cut off by a rustling coming from just beyond the treeline. 

“Wait,” Tav’s voice cut through the air, a welcome bit of color amidst an otherwise chilly night, “Who’s arriving?” 

“Tav!” The companions turned in shock, feeling sheepish, as if they had just been caught in the act. 

“We were hoping you’d return soon,” Shadowheart admitted. 

“There are some things we’d like to discuss,” Gale added. 

Tav pinched the bridge of their nose. “Dammit Astarion, did you go around trying to bite everyone again? We’ve talked about this.” They let out an exasperated sigh. 

“What? Why-?! How dare you accuse me of such a thing!” Astarion puffed his chest up, making himself appear larger. “I’ll have you know we were actually discussing-” 

“We’re worried about you soldier,” Karlach interrupted Astarion’s indignant outburst. “We see how hard this has been on you, on all of us.” 

“We want you to know,” Wyll continued the sentiment for her, “That we care about you. And whatever hardships you endure, we’ll endure them with you.” 

“Oh.” 

Their companion’s words stopped Tav dead in their tracks. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. And um, that’s really sweet of you. It’s just,” Tav frowned, “How do I put this? Um… As far as The Absolute and the Mindflayers are concerned, I’m grateful for your help, I am, really. But there are just some things that are-”

“Private,” Astarion finished for Tav. He walked over to Tav, before lowering his voice, speaking only to them. “I think you know,” he whispered, his expression suddenly melancholy, “Better than anyone, why each one of us knows how you feel.” 

And with that, the damn burst, Tav simply couldn't hold it in any longer. 

Their face contorted. They bit their lip before their mouth turned upside down, their nose wrinkled, and their eyes began to water. 

“It’s just been so hard!” Tav cried, their own voice barely more than a whisper. “And just when I think things are okay, that I’m finally better, it all just comes crashing down around me again!” Tav sobbed, their arms dropping to their sides in defeat. 

Moving to comfort them, Astarion placed a tentative hand on their shoulder, gently patting Tav with a ‘there-there’. His eyes darted back to his companions, a begging, uncomfortable look evident on his face. 

Karlach moved first, coming to Tav’s side opposite Astarion. Despite her engine being temporarily fixed, she knew her skin was still hot to the touch. Still, Karlach hoped her closeness would be its own comfort. 

“We’ve got you soldier.” Karlach wrapped the end of her tiefling tail around Tav’s calf. “Just let it all out, it’s okay.” 

Tav sobbed even harder at her words, pulling a rather flustered Astarion in for a tight embrace. 

“Ah. A little help over here!” Astarion whispered harshly past Tav’s ear, their face wedged between his arms and chest, and their tears and snot beginning to dampen his shoulder. 

Shadowheart chuckled, amused that despite him being such a flirt when he wanted, Astaron was still rather unfamiliar with the more platonic, or should she say, non-sexual forms of intimacy. “Step aside.”

Moving over to the huddle sandwich that was Astarion, Tav, and Karlach, Shadowheart wedged her way in between Astarion and Tav. “Just try not to drool too much on my top. It is leather after all.” 

“Tchck, Shadowheart.” Lae’zel chided. She walked over to the huddle, standing a safe six inches away, her arms crossed and brows furrowed. “Clothes are meaningless compared to a fellow soldier.” 

“I’m surprised I find myself agreeing, but Shadowheart, Lae’zel does have a point,” Gale concluded. “Tav’s emotional state is much more important than any item of clothing, or inanimate object.” 

“Says the wizard who eats shoes,” Astarion ribbed from under his breath. 

Gale clicked his tongue at the vampire spawn’s remark, but otherwise paid his pale companion no mind. 

“Besides,” Gale continued, undeterred. “I can always do another load of laundry. Should you ever need a shoulder to cry on, know that mine will always be available, tears or otherwise.” 

Tav nodded, enthusiastically grateful, switching from Shadowheart’s shoulder to Gale’s. 

Sighing, as the cool purple velvet rubbed against their cheek, Tav began to slow their breathing, gaining better control of the sobs that had previously uncontrollably wracked their body. 

“We may not know exactly what it is you’re going through, but that doesn’t make you any less of a leader worthy of our time and affection,” Wyll spoke up as he came to join the hug pile. “And sharing your fears and sadness does not make you a burden, it makes you strong.” 

Tav wailed once more, nodding emphatically as they did so. Deep down, they knew all that their friends had shared to be true, but they were not able to convince themselves of it on their own. 

“And if this sadness of yours comes at the same time every month, it may indicate a hormonal condition. Should that be the case, there are many treatments and spells we can cast to ease your pain.” 

“Really?” Tav asked through sniffles. 

“Indeed,” Halsin nodded, having walked over to also join his gathered companions. “Although there is something simpler, something I always have readily available.” 

“Don’t you dare—” Astarion started. 

At the same time Lae’zel spoke her own words of protest: “Do it druid, and you may very well live to regret it.” 

Tav ignored their outbursts and instead asked Halsin what he had in mind. 

“This,” he said, before outstretching his arms and encompassing everyone in a great big bear hug. 

Squished between their dear companions, their friends, their allies in this fight, and the next, Tav, for the first time in days, began to feel truly loved. 

The world may have looked bleak and hopeless, and with a raging uterus, it may have looked even more so, but as long as Tav had their friends, they would never know true defeat. 

…

Squashed between an equally irate Githyanki and a rather sentimental wizard, Astarion wriggled, trying to break free, but to no avail. Turning his head left to face his frog-esque friend, Astarion whispered threats under his breath.  

“I say the next time he wildshapes into a bear, we put a pretty pink collar around his neck and march him into town as punishment.”

“Chk. I find that offer rather agreeable.” 

“I dunno. I rather like this kind of medicinal approach.” Karlach said, feeling overjoyed to simply be touched. 

“You know he can hear you, right?” Wyll, ever the pragmatist, spoke from across the expanse of Halsin’s broad chest in order to address Astarion. 

Halsin nodded in the affirmative upon hearing Wyll’s words.

Astarion groaned. “Well, clearly he has now!” 

“And here I thought vampires were stealthy.” Shadowheart teased. 

“Oh, trust me, darling, all of your times shall come. Count on it!” 

“Astarion?” Tav‘s muffled voice asked from where their face was squished into Gale’s chest. 

Tav managed to pull their head away from Gale’s purple robe just long enough to give Astarion their best puppy-dog-eyed look. “Be nice? Pleaseeee?” They drew out the end of the ‘please,’ innocently batting their eyes as they did so. 

“... Fine. But don’t get used to it,” Astarion resigned before tossing his hair. “I have a reputation to uphold.” 

“Mhhm,” Tav agreed, putting their face back against Gale’s velvet-covered chest. 

They knew this moment couldn’t last forever, and it certainly wouldn’t solve all their problems— mind flayers, hormones, or otherwise. But they could at least stay put like that for just a minute longer. 

Or as a matter of fact? Make that two. 

A/N 2.0: So there it is! I hope you enjoyed. This is definitely something I needed to read like two weeks ago, and also a month ago, and then the month before that lol. 

After this, we are back to our regularly scheduled programming. I will make an upcoming ask list, just so everyone is clear as to what is up and coming.

As always Please Like, but most importantly, REBLOG!!!

(Reblogs mean more than Likes because they project my work to a larger audience.)

And If you like my work, Consider Buying Me A Coffee <3. 

[schrijverr]

Okay, straight Eddie Diaz, because - hear me out - trans woman Eddie Diaz.

Like it makes perfect sense in canon due to the fact that Eddie is repressed as hell, it can be about just sexuality, but I think adding in gender really adds to it. She does truly dream of having that traditional marriage with someone, she has just been casting herself in the wrong role, which makes it all the harder to figure out, because she is so sure that's what she wants, but it always feels wrong anyway.

It turns out, all the women she has dated felt wrong, because she wanted to be them not be with them. Plus, they never measured up as a parental figure, as a mother figure specifically, because Eddie wasn't comparing to what can be expected of an early stages potential step parent. Instead, she was comparing them to what she, Eddie, provides for Chris, and they could never be as good as a mom as her (but she didn't realize this).

((Also, Buck - bc yes, I am making this a little buddie - was able to fit into that step parent role, bc Eddie wasn't comparing him to herself, but let him organically grow into the role. Something Eddie doesn't realize until she unpacked a lot of stuff and realized her feelings for him aren't the platonic kind. She also realizes why she was so fuckign jealous of all his girlfriends, but always less bothered by his boyfriends.))

I feel like she'd be more masc (give me butch trans woman Eddie, please, fan artist out there, I'm on my little knees) and she struggles a lot with wanting to be a woman, but having 'masculine' interest and thus feeling like she can't be. Seeing Hen was both great for her and the cause of much confusion, bc she wanted what Hen had so bad, but also not entirely, because she isn't a lesbian and she had no clue what that meant when she first started working with the 118.

She has a hyper-masculine phase (mustache Eddie, why xp), really leaning into 'being a man' to run away from the feelings, because that is a mood. This isn't a great time for Eddie, because she does still like her masculine hobbies, as mentioned above, so it's confusing and she semi-gaslights herself into thinking she is imagining it. Until one day she shaves and is like, huh, I forgot how much I liked the clean shaven look and suddenly that triggers a whole set of revelations.

She keeps the short hair, but changes the shaping off it slightly so it softens her face more. She also is a jeans girly through and through, though comfy leggings definitely start making their way into the rotation after Maddie introduced her to them. Eddie does change the cut of her jeans slightly to be less tight at the crotch area, but she does like jeans that emphasize her butt, bc she has a great ass and that makes her feel good about herself. Overall, she isn't big on skirts, but wears dresses when there is an occasion.

Also, she has height dysphoria, which also upsets her, because all the heels look fun, she doesn't care that Hen claims they're the devil's shoes. ((Buck being taller makes Eddie so euphoric, before she realizes what is making her dysphoric exactly, she'd continuously be in his space, because he makes her feel a little shorter. When on dates, she sometimes can pull out heels and Buck will wear thicker soles so she can, sliding an arm around her waist and tucking her into his side so the dysphoria won't creep back in)).

She doesn't tell her parents at first, but she does tell her sisters, who are thrilled to have an all girls sibling squad now. They give her some of the heirloom jewelry they got, which Eddie missed out on, because she was still an egg at the time. She totally doesn't cry... Maybe a little.

Eddie is not a make up girl, however. She really tried to get into it, especially to cover the five-o'clock shadow, but it always looked weird and it isn't practical with her job. When they have a party, she'll put on some mascara and try with contour to add a little different shaping to her jaw and cheeks, but she never gets into it as much as she thought she would. She does not say no to getting manny paddies with Athena and May from time to time. Having nice nails is a great source of gender euphoria.

It was a little hard on Chris for Eddie to be mom too and Eddie had a whole crisis about what if this is repeating Kim, but in a different font and I am actually trying to replace Shannon? She has a lot of solo therapy and the two go to family therapy. Chris is never a dick about it, just a kid working through his trauma (don't be mean). When they have worked through it, Chris is her number one hype man, even though he's an awkward teen about it. His stumbling compliments are always her favorite and she carries them with her in her heart.

Anyway, just straight trans woman Eddie <3

[flinnirthefruityfiend]

alterhuman discovery: I'm probably a mer/selkie archetrope. I think it's on a spiritual+psychological level.

silkies and merfolk aren't significantly different though I kind of resonate more with the sirenic merfolk symbolism and mythology as an archetrope. side note, this picture of the webbed fingers gives me nice euphoria, had to make a moodboard for it

in the beginning of my nonhuman journey, i used to think i was a merperson as well as a dragon, and soon figured out that being half human and not having legs would totally suck and make me dysphoric (and I also just don't resonate with being polykin/a shapeshifter) - though I resonated with the tail and webbed claws, so i just imagine myself as a dragon with those two features

I still feel a particular connection to sirens, merfolk, sirenic merfolk, and selkies though, but not in the otherhearted way, if that makes sense? like I don't have a connection to their species per se, but more so their role in mythology; their archetype. or at least I think so, after seeing one of my moots talk about it.

I think lately if I would have sirenic qualities just being the creature I am, and I don't know lol. maybe being sirenic is just the type of dragon I am. or maybe I'm a dragon and also a merfolk archetype at the same time, but separately. I do think that being a semi aquatic dragon does influence it, at least - since merfolk are also associated with water.

part of me wants them to be one thing together, but I lean towards thinking they're separate identities that coexist very well since they're compatible. I have a similar relationship with my two genders, they often feel like one whole thing and compliment each other but they're more so separate I think.

I'm asexual, greyrospec, and apothiaesthetic, so I don't care as much for the ro/se appeal of merfolk nor the beauty standards. I think I just like the idea of general lure, closer to how the sirens in percy jackson (books) are depicted. the lure would be similar to how humans are attracted to bright colorful lights, not how humans are sexually attracted to each other... would I want to drown humans? no. I'm not an actual merguy or siren. I'd probably use it defensively, but not violently. or maybe for fun if someone is annoying me. or maybe as a sign of affection for my sp.

some merfolk symbolism i relate to: longing, pushing and pulling like the ocean waves, is something I connect to every time I'm by the water; the balance between earth and spirituality, unchained nature, independence, boo'ing of social norms, and the mystery and intimidation. it feels kind of like a fantasy, I think I want to be and do and connect to, and part of who I am.

i also think I'm a chameleon archetrope. but im pretty sure it's a trauma induced thing instead of a spiritual thing. trauma induced/non-spiritual parts of me aren't as important to me (personal view of my identity! I don't think anyone's trauma induced or traumagenic identity is less valid) since they're just coping mechanisms and not part of my higher authentic self, so I probably won't write anything deep on it.

[sunny-haven]

I feel really dumb for not realizing I'm trans until early this year, as I had been questioning if I was trans or just wanted to be a femboy ever since I drew this piece of my fursona in a maid outfit in 2020. It feels so obvious in hindsight, especially because of how many feelings that one piece of art awoke in me. I did have some trans friends at the time but it wasn't until I got to hang out with a lot of them and they were open about what transitioning was like. I think finding out that having both breasts and a d*ck was pretty normal for transfems also definitely helped a lot.

Some signs that I was definitely trans and not just wanting to be a femboy:

Discovering that I want my name to be Sunny as soon as I came up with that name for my fursona, and feeling really euphoric when others started calling me that name (and feeling weird, annoyed, etc. when others deadnamed me)

Feeling happy and euphoric from seeing my fursona as a woman, and experiencing those same feelings from imagining myself as one

Having my fursona be a shapeshifter only because I wanted her to be able to change her sex freely, only to mainly have her remain in feminine form, and then I stopped being a shapeshifter because I ended up sticking to my current form (having both breasts and a d*ck). A friend told me that my fursona was a "gynomorph" and I used that term for the longest time till I found out this year it's an objectifying term and saying "transfem" is better.

Drawing my fursona in various feminine outfits instead of slutty outfits/thigh highs that femboy furries tend to be drawn in (not a problem with that, btw)

Going by she/her pronouns for a week and stopping, not because it didn't feel right, but because I felt like I was being fake for trying to identify as a girl when my body didn't match. I even vented about it in one of my vent doodles:

Feeling extremely euphoric when I put on a feminine outfit I got at a Hot Topic that consisted of a white T-shirt, green overalls/skirt, and white stockings (I think that's the only time I got horny from wearing clothing as well)

Feeling dysphoric with all of my body hair but not having the mental energy to continuously shave it, and none of the femboys I talked with had that problem. I even got several electric shavers thinking that would help but it didn't suddenly give me the mental energy to make myself look better.

Feeling euphoric whenever I got around to shaving my face and being able to feel my face's smooth skin.

I quickly stopped having others call me "master" during hypnosis sessions and switched to "mistress", then eventually "goddess", and I felt very euphoric when called that.

Often describing myself as motherly and feeling euphoric whenever someone would call me "mom/mommy". It also just felt good to be nurturing and caring towards others.

Thinking about taking HRT semi-frequently but being afraid that because I didn't want to get rid of my dick, it would involve a lot of health complications (I didn't have much transfem friends at the time and I didn't really ask them much about HRT and transitioning, especially since one didn't want to talk about the fact that she was trans), and so I would just push it out of my mind.

Eventually I started going by she/her/he/him pronouns but I only went with he/him pronouns out of a sort of obligation, to not confuse any friends who were used to referring to me as he/him. Then I felt good when others used she/her and it felt weird when others used he/him. (This was close to the time I realized I was trans lol)

There were probably some other things too that I can't remember right now. But yeah, I can't get over I was still considering if I wanted to be a femboy with all of this stuff. I think it was the fact that I thought you had to feel like you are female and are in the wrong body (and probably had to feel more dysphoria than what I was feeling) to be transfem, whereas I wasn't super uncomfortable with my body but I really wanted to have the body my fursona has and felt euphoric whenever I got a little closer. I think hanging out with so many trans friends now broke that illusion for me, as I got to know what their bodies were like (which helped me realize that the body type I want is transfem and also isn't going to put me in a medically dangerous place), as well as the mental struggles they went through that I shared, and I'm really glad for that. It explained the big depression spike I went through in 2021 and 2022 (and am still somewhat going through) after discovering I'm possibly trans right before I moved out of my mom's place. Now I just need to actually work on getting HRT...

[uselessmicrowave]

-• transformers masterlist •-

[tfa, tfp, cyberverse, rid15, rescue bots, mtmte]

yell at me if there are any problems with the links, and everything that does not have “(nsfw)” is sfw. “semi-nsfw” can be suggestive to heavily implied smut.

-• transformers animated •-

starscream

starscream x shy reader (semi-nsfw)

starscream x reader (nsfw)

optimus prime

optimus prime x face dysphoric reader hcs

blitzwing (i know he’s an amazing character, i love writing for blitzwing but please all of you calm down)

blitzwing x afab reader period comfort hcs

blitzwing x reader comfort cuddles

blitzwing x reader comfort hcs

blitzwing x reader comfort hcs

blitzwing x reader hcs

blitzwing x reader praise hcs (sfw and nsfw)

blitzwing x reader praise hcs (sfw and nsfw)

blitzwing x insecure reader hcs (sfw and nsfw)

blitzwing x reader temperature play (nsfw)

blitzwing x ftm reader comfort (nsfw)

blitzwing x reader inflation (nsfw)

blitzwing x reader (nsfw)

blitzwing nsfw alphabet (nsfw)

blitzwing x reader petplay (nsfw)

blitzwing x reader petplay, shock collar (nsfw)

wreck gar

wreck gar x reader praise hcs (sfw and nsfw)

wreck gar nsfw alphabet

sentinel prime

sentinel prime x face dysphoric reader hcs

megatron

megatron x reader comfort hcs

megatron x reader (nsfw)

shockwave

shockwave x reader praise hcs (sfw and nsfw)

skywarp

skywarp x reader comfort

blackarachnia

blackarachnia x afab reader period comfort hcs

lockdown

lockdown x reader (nsfw)

lugnut

lugnut x reader comfort hcs

prowl

prowl x insecure reader (sfw and nsfw)

bumblebee

bumblebee x reader comfort hcs

ratchet

ratchet x face dysphoric reader hcs

-• tfa ships/pairings •-

shockblurr

shockwave x blurr (nsfw)

shockwave x blurr (nsfw)

shockwave x blurr overstim (nsfw)

blitzbee

blitzwing x bumblebee angsty (nsfw)

senop

sentinel x optimus (nsfw)

shockblurbee

shockwave x bumblebee x blurr (nsfw)

starbee

starscream x bumblebee (nsfw)

shockbee

longarm/shockwave x bumblebee angst

shockwave x bumblebee ikea date

longarm/shockwave x bumblebee au (nsfw)

shockwave x bumblebee petplay (nsfw)

megablitz

megatron x blitzwing temperature play (nsfw)

megatron x blitzwing (nsfw)

prowlbee

prowl x bumblebee (nsfw)

prowlop

prowl x optimus prime bondage (nsfw)

-• transformers prime •-

optimus prime

optimus prime x human reader falling in love hcs

optimus prime x reader (nsfw)

optimus prime x human reader breeding hcs (nsfw)

optimus prime x human reader breeding hcs part 2 (nsfw)

starscream

starscream x reader bondage (nsfw)

starscream x reader overstim (nsfw)

starscream x reader (nsfw)

wheeljack

wheeljack x reader fluff

wheeljack x insecure reader hcs (sfw and nsfw)

ratchet

ratchet nsfw alphabet

megatron

megatron x reader (dubcon nsfw)

optimus and megatron

megatron x reader x optimus prime part 1 (nsfw, dubcon, part two on second masterlist)

soundwave

soundwave x reader hcs (sfw and nsfw)

soundwave x reader breeding (nsfw)

arcee

arcee x reader hcs (nsfw)

bumblebee

bumblebee x reader (nsfw)

arachnid

arachnid x reader hcs (nsfw)

predaking

predaking x reader (nsfw)

knockout and breakdown

knockout x reader x breakdown (nsfw)

-• tfp ships/pairings •-

kobdss

starscream x kobd headcanons

kobdss fluff hcs

starscream as a ghost

ghostscream

kobdss (nsfw)

kobdss (nsfw)

kobd

kobd mermay headcanons

shockscream

shockwave x starscream headcanons

shockwave x starscream (nsfw)

predastar

predaking x starscream hcs

soundstar

soundwave x starscream orgasm denial (nsfw)

megashock

megatron x shockwave (nsfw)

bulkscream

bulkhead x starscream petplay (nsfw)

starop

ghostscream

starscream x optimus prime (nsfw)

starscream x optimus praise (nsfw)

starscream x optimus size difference (nsfw)

starwavewave

starwavewave (nsfw)

wavewave

soundwave x shockwave (nsfw)

optiratch

optimus x ratchet angst hcs (death tw)

-• cyberverse •-

grimlock

grimlock x reader hcs (semi-nsfw)

shockwave

shockwave x reader hcs (nsfw)

soundwave

soundwave x reader hcs (nsfw)

-• cyberverse ships/pairings •-

astroend

deadend x astrotrain edging (nsfw)

wavewave

shockwave x soundwave (nsfw)

shockjack

shockwave x wheeljack (nsfw)

-• rid15 •-

steeljaw

steeljaw x afab reader period comfort hcs

thunderhoof

thunderhoof x afab reader period comfort hcs

thunderhoof x reader hcs (sfw and nsfw)

fixit

fixit x reader romantic hcs (sfw and nsfw)

grimlock

grimlock x reader romantic hcs (sfw and nsfw)

-• rid15 ships/pairings •-

steelhoof

steeljaw x thunderhoof (nsfw)

grimbee

grimlock x bumblebee (nsfw)

-• rescue bots ships/pairings •-

kade x heatwave hcs

-• mtmte •-

cyclonus and tailgate

cygate x reader comfort hcs

Go to the second transformers masterlist in my pinned post for more content!

[tellmetoleave96]

Sorry! Got a bit too honest with my feelings on that one. Seriously though, I know myself and I know the more I try to be cis, the more I am reminded I am trans. Sorry for calling it a fake cock- should've made it more obvious that I meant more it would feel fake to me from my perspective as something on my body, and that it would feel "fake" in the sense that it would feel like I'm trying way too hard to make my body into something it can never be. If that makes sense. I know it's something deeply personal for every trans guy, and the fact that I view it this way could still be seen as offensive or transphobic, but I want to make it clear I'm talking about myself and no one else. I'm not going to go to a trans guy who's had bottom surgery and insist it's not real. Still, sorry for any offense I caused.

The "poor results" is just in reference to what I've seen on the ftm bottom surgery subreddit, in which I've seen cases where guys literally had leaky dicks full of holes in spots where the surgeon messed up. Just made me think "yikes!" and essentially turned me away from phallo forever. And I know it's purely subjective to view phallo scars this way, but I'm never going to want an enormous scar on my forearm or thigh or wherever the skin gets pulled from. Honestly it's all personal fears and issues and icks and I could've made that more clear, so sorry about that.

if you hate nonop trans people celebrating themselves so much go find some truscum to hang out with. nonop trans people who've been viciously harassed, misgendered and excluded by other trans people for decades don't owe you shit. create your own content or die mad about it

[little-slutty-moth]

intro post

Hi im moth :) im a huge fucking slut and need somewhere to be horny lol

if you like my content my cash app is l1ttlemoth :)

bottom, transmasc/nonbinary (i'm not a man), t4t only, queer

THIS ACCOUNT IS NOT FOR CIS PPL OR MINORS

i will block you if you don't have an age in your bio. just having "adult" doesn't count

you can dm me but i have terrible social anxiety so i apologize if i don't answer right away. pls don't send anything nsfw without asking first

what im into-

toys

semi-public

mutual masturbation

cockwarming

choking, hairpulling, slapping

bdsm

blood kink and vampires

lingerie

biting

body worship

praise

shibari

edging

forced orgasm

overstim

begging

crying

spit

cumplay

impact play

terms i like: faggot/fag, good boy, pretty boy, whore, slut, boycunt/cunt, boypussy/pussy, tcock/cock, tdick/dick, hole, chest, toy, fleshlight

DNE (you will be blocked)-

cis ppl (especially men i cannot stress this enough)

hetero ppl (also especially men)

zionists

harry potter fans (idc how much you try to separate it from the terf)

don't call me puppy/pup/anything like that (sorry just not my thing)

misgendering

do not refer to my chest as tits/titties/boobs/etc... it makes me extremely dysphoric

cnc/rapeplay

anyone under 18/blogs with no age listed

fauxc3st

pedos/ageplay

zoos

raceplay

piss/scat/vomit

blank blogs

for the 5 million time CIS PPL AND MINORS DO NOT FOLLOW OR INTERACT WITH ME

i will add to this every once in a while

[kyoukenchanthinks]

Okay so basically a hear me out part 2 but with Kyouhaba (mainly) and some other Haikyuu characters 1. Kyoutani is a poetry/fantasy book kind of guy with bits of romance while Yahaba is more of a rom-com kind of guy. 2. Kyoutani actually had curly hair before he shaved it. His grandmother (who lives in Spain w/ his Aunt) has very curly hair and those genes spread down to him. 3. Tsukishima is actually pretty good at makeup. Akiteru was the one who taught him and then he taught Yamaguchi one day cause Yama was feeling pretty dysphoric (not me headcanoning that Yama is genderfluid). The whole team (well besides the obvious) was shocked whenever they found out that Tsukki was good at doing makeup. Hinata immediately tried to force him to teach him how to do makeup. 4. Kyoutani definitely listens to the song artists Mitski & Ado (very good music artists; highly recommend). He found out that Kiyoko also listens to some of their songs and after Aobajousai's and Karasuno's match at the semi-finals they ranted about those music artists and became friends. 5. Kita hyper-fixates about people and characters a lot. He has had those issues a lot ever since he was a child. Whenever he joined Inarizaki and met Aran, he was very much hyper-analyzing him and trying to be his friend, but thanks to cough SOCIAL ANXIETY cough, he had a lot of trouble w/ doing so.

[wiphur]

They Wouldn't Understand

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Ron Weasley x trans masc! Slytherin! Pureblood! Reader // slight! Molly Weasley x platonic! Reader

Pronouns: he/him

Warnings:  internalized and externalized homophobia/transphobia, dysphoria, ABUSE, lowkey torture, use of dead name (dead name will be used as Tamsyn to try and prevent any mention of your own dead name!), large (but also kinda rushed) buildup, nsfw joke at the end (last two lines), secret relationship (and it being exposed)

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: Posted from my old account. Sorry for the spam, I just wanted to go ahead and post all of these fics from my old account

Nothing was okay anymore. He felt fine, maybe even safe, at school. But now? It was summer. School was over. That meant he had to go back to his house. To those “parents” of his that always strived to make his life a living hell.

No one even knew how bad it was. As his friends waved to him, and as his boyfriend (albeit in secret, but they were still dating) sent him a small smile while he walked over to his colossal family, the gravity of everything fell onto his shoulders. Nobody knew how bad it was. Hell, most people didn’t even know he was who he was. Only a few people knew he was trans or into men. Both of which were frowned upon. 

He wasn’t normal by any means, but these two struck him deeply. Why couldn’t he follow in his parent’s footsteps? Why was his entire life against the people he was supposed to love? Why wasn’t he a she?

Those thoughts rattled in his mind as he left the train station, moving to grab hold of the house elf’s hand. His parents didn’t even bother to show up. Typical, honestly. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually been picked up from the station by his parents. Only by the house elf. 

Briefly, he realized that he was definitely not going to be perceived well at home. His boyfriend had loaned him so masculine clothes to help with dysphoria, and he couldn’t just change out of them on the train, so he was forced to disapparate to his house in the masculine clothes with a binder on and a semi-realistic looking packer that was just a pair of socks in his pants. This was not going to turn out very well, he already knew it.

The loud crack! had been mostly ignored. No one came to see him or greet him at the door. Almost with a goal in mind (to change out of the masculine clothes into something hopefully more feminine but not dysphoric-so), he hurried to the stairs. He was almost there, stepping onto the first step when his mother walked into the entryway.

“And where do you think you’re going, young lady?” Even after being used to the words, he flinched. A year at school where people called him a boy had changed his mindset ever so slightly. “We have a dinner party tonight.” He didn’t turn around, afraid of her reaction to his appearance. “Tamsyn.” She said, her voice becoming more stern as she drew closer. “What in Merlin’s name are you wearing?”

He panicked briefly, praying there wasn’t an indication of whose clothes he had on in the fabric, or design, or even the tag. “Nothing, Mother, just going to change from my school clothes.” 

She tsked slightly, “Tamsyn, you know it's rude to not look at someone while having a conversation. Turn around.” He hesitated. “I will not repeat myself.” He followed the instructions timidly. He heard her gasp. “What is this?!” She seemed to be enraged. She called for her husband as tears gathered in his eyes and fear gathered in his chest. 

As soon as his father came out, he knew he was done for. His father’s eyes scanned his body, narrowing his eyes at the almost non-existent chest and the very existent bulge in his pants. “Tamsyn? What is this?”

A sudden wave of courage passed over him as he spoke, “I- uh, I’m trans! I’m a boy, not a girl. My name isn’t Tamsyn-”

Laughter cut him off. “You? A boy? You are the farthest thing from a boy!” His mother laughed, “When you were pulled out of me, the doctor yelled that you were a girl. Trust me, we would have been better off with a boy, but we had you. Go upstairs and change. One of your fancy dresses. Our daughter will not be embarrassing us tonight.”

The courage was still present. While he knew it was a horrible idea, he spoke again anyway. “No! I’m not going to be your stupid puppet! I’m not a girl. I am a boy. There’s nothing you can do to change that fact!” 

A sudden wave of anger coursed through his parent’s face. “You had better watch what you’re saying, girl. Or you’ll be in a lot of pain.”

He stood his ground, only barely trembling in fear. “You can’t change this. I am a boy-”

The shout of a curse almost made him freeze in total fear, however the spell moved faster, forcing him to the ground as he screamed in pain. Complete agony and pain washed over him, wave after wave. He was crying and screaming, his voice hoarse. He had never expected his parents to go this far at all! What was he thinking? His parents were right! How could he think he’s anything more than a pathetic little girl?

After a few moments, the pain waves stopped. He shivered from the pain, trembling in fear. “So, dear, had enough? Gonna go change into the most beautiful and girly dress you own? The bright pink one should be good.” His father almost taunted.

“Oh, no, no. She can’t wear that one! You’re going to wear that new one I bought you.” There was a twinkle of hatred in her eyes. “The real revealing one. That way, you can see all of your feminine traits. Maybe we’ll get you a husband tonight. The Malfoys and Zabinis are coming tonight.” 

The urge to throw up was overwhelming. With little disagreement, he nodded to his mother and turned to walk up the stairs. When he reached his room, a house elf was already there. She gave him a sad look. “Mitsi is sorry, Master.” She murmured. She helped him change, as pain flared every time he moved. She gestured for his packer and his binder. “Mitsi was instructed to take these and burn them.” She said sullenly. Choking on emotion, he handed her the objects that helped him through so much. The only things that truly made him feel like a boy. Right in front of his face, she snapped and the things burst into flames. 

Without much disagreement, he climbed into the elegantly made, yet extremely provocative, dress. Mitsi beside him nudged him into a chair. “Mitsi was instructed to give you makeup.” He looked at his reflection as he was transformed into someone who was not him. As he was transformed into someone he was “supposed” to be.

Once Mitsi was done, she left the room. As soon as she left, tears welled in his eyes. He refused to let a single one fall, in fear of it ruining his makeup, or in fear of his mother seeing his ruined makeup.

His name was called and he took a deep, straggly breath. He urged himself to walk down the steps and into the main hall, where his parents were greeting the families who had come for dinner. 

“Ah, finally. Mr and Mrs Malfoy, Mr and Mrs Zabini, this is our lovely daughter, Tamsyn.” While the adults took a look at him in interest, their children looked at him with utter disbelief. 

“Pardon me, Mrs L/N,” Blaise Zabini spoke up, eyeing his classmate oddly, “I was under the impression you had a son? I wasn’t aware you had a daughter.”

With a forced laugh, his mother responded, shooting him a deadly glare. “I suppose you must be mixing us up with another family. I apologize, but I’ve only given birth to a girl.” The adults shared a laugh, as if it was some kind of joke. Draco and Blaize gave each other a confused look, speaking through their eyes. Y/N avoided their gazes as best as he could. 

Dinner was a mess, and by the end of it, his parents had a pleasant surprise for him.

“Well, I suppose the news should be announced.” His mother started, dinging a spoon on her glass. She smiled at the families. “The adults have been talking about the best move for all of us, and we have decided that Tamsyn is to be married to Blaize once of age!” The drop of cutlery startled his mother. His hand was empty as he stared at his plate. He was in a happy relationship. This was not supposed to happen. This was wrong! All of this was wrong!

“No.” The word came out before he could even stop it. “No, I refuse to marry him.” He gave a slightly apologetic look to Blaize and he returned the gesture with a nod, telling him he understood.

“This is not up to you, darling.” His mother said, trying to keep her anger at bay. “This is the best solution for our family.”

“This is the best solution for you! This has nothing to do with me!” Tears fell from his eyes, now. All of those pent emotions he had been feeling were coming out tenfold. “You keep trying to ruin my life! Well, congrats. You’ve succeeded. You don’t have any right to tell me who I am or who I have to marry! I’ll shout it from the rooftop if I can!” He stood up, climbing onto his chair. “ I am Y/N! I am a boy and I can choose who I want to marry! You have no control over me anymore.”

The anger in his parent’s eyes was monumental, not even describable. The guests left fairly quickly after that, claiming they were ashamed of how the night went. That left his parents in even more immeasurable amounts of anger.

As soon as the Malfoys and Zabinis left the property, the sound of the loud crack! echoing through the house, they turned towards him. “Have you any idea what you’ve just done?” His father’s voice was near silent. A terrifying edge to his tone.

“You’ve cost us everything.” His mother continued, stepping towards him and slapping him across the face with enough force to throw him to the floor. “You’ve ruined our name!”

The silence after the final shout was broken by screams as the cruciatus curse was thrown in the situation again. Again and again. He felt like he was on the brink of death. The pain was agonizing and he wanted to give up. He truly did. But he couldn’t let himself die. Not from these people. After they stopped (something about not being able to kill him because that would tarnish their reputation even more), they practically waltzed away from his agonizing pain. He was numb, but also felt so much pain. His body was confused. He couldn’t tell anything. 

He was surprised to feel a hand fit into his. He glanced up to see Mitsi. She gave him a small nod, “Mitsi takes you to the friend from the letter house.” She had to have meant Ron. There was no one else sending letters his way.

Within moments, he was outside the door of the Burrow. Mitsi was gone as soon as she had appeared. With the last remaining strength he had, he knocked as loud as he could. He hoped someone would hear, despite it being late. Sure enough, as his eyes fluttered shut, he heard steps making their way to the door.

When he woke up, he was expecting a lot of pain. Well, a lot more pain. He was sore and it hurt to move, but he wasn’t in excruciating pain like he had been when he showed up at the Burrow. The Burrow… His eyes widened and he forced himself into a sitting position. His head spun and his head fell back again. He groaned, earning the attention of someone from the other room.

“Oh, dear me! She's awake!” A woman mumbled to herself. “Dear, do you know where you are?” He nodded, but hissed at the feeling. “That's good, dear. Do you know who I am?”

“Mrs Weasley, I presume.” He muttered. She nodded.

“Alright, one more question then I’ll get you some stew. What happened?”

It took a moment to even realize what happened. What had happened? He was struck many times. Too many times to count. “The curse.” He murmured.

Molly gasped, “Oh my, do you mean the pain curse?” He nodded numbly. “Oh, who would do such a thing?”

“My parents.”

She looked furious for a moment, “Oh, Godric! That’s horrendous!” She paused for a moment. “Sorry, dear, let's get you out of these clothes. They’re filthy!” He glanced down, noticing the sweat stains and blood and tear stains on the corset and the dress itself. “I’m sure my daughter has-”

“No!” The word came out of him with more fear than he had expected. “Please, no. I- I’m not a girl.” He seemed to almost be convincing himself.

Molly paused for a moment before nodding, “Ahh. Let’s see then. You look about Ron’s stature. Let's get some of his clothes, alright?” He nodded, extremely grateful for the reaction she gave. It was only a plus to be in the comfort of his boyfriend’s clothes. Speaking of, where was he?

“Mrs- Mrs Weasely?” He asked when she returned with a pair of loose fitting pajamas. “Where is everyone?”

“Oh, so you know the whole family, eh? They’ll be home soon, dear. They just went to play some Quidditch with an old family friend. Been gone for the last two days. Should be back sometime today.” Just as she said that, the pair heard a loud whooping noise from outside. “Or, perhaps, they’re here now.” She closed a curtain that was surrounding the couch he laid on, which he had just noticed was there. “I’ll make sure they don’t disturb you at all.”

“Wait- Can- Can I see Ron?”

She blinked in confusion, “I suppose. Are you friends with him from school? Gosh, I thought you had graduated! What year are you in?”

“Same year as Ron, ma’am.”

“Oh, goodness me!” She seemed to have to leave to collect her thoughts, so she just left. He closed his eyes, imagining the things Ron would say when he saw him. Perhaps he’d be pissed that he was there? Ron was always so secretive about their relationship. Or perhaps he’d be joyous? Confused? Maybe, and he hoped this was true, maybe concerned? 

It didn’t take long to figure out. The curtain shuffled aside and someone stepped in. He didn’t open his eyes to find out for sure, but he had a pretty good clue when he heard a quiet gasp.

“Angel?” Ron muttered quietly. “What- What happened to you?”

His eyes finally opened as Ron leaned beside him. “My parents finally found out I’m trans.” Fury lit up in his eyes. “They also didn’t like how I refused to marry Zabini.”

“Why? Why didn’t you just marry him? Then you wouldn’t be here like this!” Ron mumbled.

“Because I love you, my love. You are supposed to be my happily ever after.”

“It can’t be a happily ever after without you being alive and yourself.” Ron looks at his boyfriend’s eyes, seeing a deeper feeling in them. “You don’t believe them, right?” 

“What?”

He leaned closer to press a kiss to his forehead, “Your parents. You don’t believe them when they say you’re a girl, right? You are the manliest man I know. You are pure man.”

Y/N laughed quietly, “Yeah, okay.”

“No, I mean it. Like a huge macho-man. Big muscles and you can eat a whole ton because that's just something boys can do, is eat a lot of food-”

He laughed louder this time, alerting the rest of the family. “Stop! You know that’s not how it works!”

“Sure, but it made you laugh.” His laughter continued as he pulled Ron up into a kiss. When they pulled away, Ron leaned his forehead on his boyfriend’s. “I don’t understand what you’re going through. But I know it's hard. I just want you to know that you are my boyfriend. Hear that? You're my boyfriend. I love you.” It was the first L-word to be spoken in the relationship.

“Ron, I- I love you too.”  His eyes drooped, ready to put him into a lulling sleep.

“Sleep well, Angel. Okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He smiled slightly, closing his eyes and getting comfortable, hissing softly over some bruises. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Once he was sure his boyfriend was asleep, Ron left the curtained room. His eyes quickly fell upon the rest of his family as they stared at him. He blinked in surprise, not expecting them all to be there (he was only expecting Fred and George- maybe even Harry or Ginny).

“Uh, yeah, I’m gay.” Ron said awkwardly. 

“Kinda gathered that, mate.” Fred quipped.

“Yeah, just a bit late.” George responded with a subtle laugh. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?”

He shrugged, “Me and Y/N were keeping it under wraps, so we decided to keep the fact that we’re both gay a secret too. If his family found out, well you see what happened. “

His family nodded. They were all silent until Harry clapped his hands together. “Okay, how long have you been together? Have you had a first anything? Kiss? I love you?”

George and Fred supplemented an example simultaneously, “time?” 

“You’re sick.”

[recklessronja]

Game Theory: Po3 is dysphoric about being a robot

Case 1: They are absolutely miserable for the entirety of the game. The only moments we see them being happy are when they're getting closer to The Great Trancendance, and i would wager a guess that the form seen in the other versions of Inscryption they intended to upload would be that of something completely different.

When the player frees everybody from Leshy, Po3 doesn't really acknowledge it, not even a semi-sarcastic "Thanks". They see it as merely getting to be in the rat race for the old data again, which although not thrilling is still better than Leshy's game. Even if their situation is better, they're still very unhappy.

The only times Po3 has any pride about their situation is when they're stepping over somebody, we don't actually know if they think like this while unobserved however. Mocking Leshy for his failures, insulting the other Scrybes, bullying the underlings at their factory, they try to make themselves feel better by insulting everyone else.

That brings me to Case 2: Uncaringess to their factory, their underlings and most importantly themselves. We see it better in the 3d model but even in 2d form it's very prominent that Po3's body is filthy and unkempt, their screen has visible stains in both. They don't care about their own hardware enough to maintain it, either due to their dysphoria, or because they see it as temporary (More on that in a moment). This clearly had consequences too, their monitor glitches out a ton during the 3d segment, which indicates the hardware might really be struggling to pull things through.

When the camera breaks in the dredging room, and the player doesn't fix it, they get mad over the player not giving them a favor as thanks for the card game, but don't seem to care about the state of the factory itself, and here's my diagnosis: They see the factory, the Scrybes, and likely EVERYTHING about their current form to be temporary, to be replaced with what they truly want in the form of themselves that has full control in the uploaded version.

Yes, i'm aware the uploaded version is implied to be the exact game we play in act 3, but i feel like that's just a coverup, that they'd throw it all away and that the game is just a distraction for anybody who picks it up so that the copy's version of Po3 has time. In the original version Po3 knows they'll never be happy, but maybe the Po3s inside the copies will, maybe they'll find their ideal form and build a kinder self while the player is busy playing the half-baked game.

Case 3: Projection. Whenever the chance arises, Po3 takes a jab at organic life, but when we see them as a stoat (a living being) in act 1, they seem much less insulted by it than you'd think. Despite clearly not being happy, they complain about specifically the Stoat part of the experience only once, which is followed up by their main complaint of simply being in a card. It truly does seem they would be relatively ok if it weren't for the fact that Leshy is torturing them while they're trapped in a very limited form.

I feel like Po3 wants to be some form of life, or at least something other than a computer, but they've put up a facade of being a "perfect machine" so nobody thinks they're weak. They don't want people to see their emotional side, so they simply push everybody away with a facade of egotism and intentional rudeness, but they've been doing it so long that their only hope of self-improvement is in a world where they are truly, fully in control. Alone, and with unlimited space and time to become what they want to become.

Thank you for reading, don't forget to hit that reblog button

[lesgay-falaloser]

welcome back to transandrophobia talks im your host az lesgayloser and today we're talking about slurs!!

cw: discussion of slurs & more in-depth transandrophobia than in my last posts below the cut

(note- i will likely be using exorsexism & transandrophobia semi interchangeably. exorsexism is also known as enbyphobia and is basically just bigotry directed at nonbinary people)

in this post i want to discuss "theyfab" specifically. i looked it up on urban dictionary and was immediately met with an insane amount of exorsexism. i'll include some quotes from different definitions i found on there below, but they mostly share a few characteristics. 1) their refusal to call the term a slur (this will be important later) and 2) their intense and obvious hatred of transmasc/neu people who do not perform their gender to perfect standards of androgyny/masculinity.

"A term used to mock girls who identify as non binary without changing their gender presentation at all. They tend to be incredibly vocal about how they are LGBT, and consider anyone who doesn't use they/them a transphobe, even if they are obviously a female." (june 2023)

"a non-dysphoric woman larping as nonbinary. the term is a combination of the pronoun they and the term AFAB, and is commonly used to make fun of & mock women who identify as NB without changing their female appearance, and call out anyone who doesn't use their pronouns. (august 2023)

it is glaringly obvious that these 2023 definitions are written by either transmedicalists or straight up transphobes. however, i did find one other definition which i think is noteworthy.

"A derogatory term for a non-binary person who uses the fact that they were assigned female at birth to talk over trans women, while positioning themself as being the “safe” and good kind of queer person" (august 2024)

you'll notice that in this one, the slur has shifted from being outright transphobic in its definition to being framed as a perfectly reasonable term for trans women to use, because the 'theyfab' is talking over them!

but you really have to wonder. what right do these women have to do that? why do they get to take a slur and make it magicially woke while continuing to perpetuate the transandrophobia behind it? there's an insane difference between a queer person reclaiming a slur for themself (eg me calling myself a dyke) and a queer person taking a slur, giving it a new, still insulting meaning, and hurling it at the people it was initially used against. why is it okay here?

this is getting pretty long so im gonna end it here but. more thoughts likely coming soon.