#self harm gives me some of that

[scarletcomet]

*

[canisalbus]

What if I told you that RoobrickMarine went and wrote an entire novella starring my 16th century dog couple? It's very canon-adjacent, well researched and thoughtfully put together, has inspired me a ton during these past months and it's now publicly available at AO3. I highly recommend it.

✦ Separation ✦

[nihilean]

Gabs n friends + some dysphoria stuff ig

[bleue-flora]

idk if this is the correct place but i wanted to talk a bit about this and wanted to see you opinion bc I like you analisys on canon a lot.

A big question people have with the lore about cstagedduo it's that if cpunz actually cared for cdream or not- The same with crivals after prison break but that's for another day- and if cpunz would have helped cdream out the prison if he took too long.

I personally think it's a more grey anwser. We know cpunz cares, yeah they are small moments but he does care for cdream. He wouldnt be defensive over the fact they are friends in the ending and let cdream speak to ctommy without protesting to him and still be worried he and cdream both escape the nuke together if he didnt care for him. But it is true he left cdream make his crazy plan of making everyone hate him and insolating himself for god knows how much time they expected the imprisionment to last. And that he left cdream alone a lot in the prison after the prison break while everyone on the server wanted him death. But i think this is more of a fucked up vision cpunz has than signs of lack of care. He cares about cdream but he also trusts his plan is working and he can handle himself just fine and that he's totally not in a bad mental state. He's also on board with the plan so of course if he wants to recolect knowledge and power and trust his friend to know what he is doing, he will in favor of this even if we know as viewers this is a bad idea in all aspects.

Cpunz has flaws as a friend and characther but I do think he cares about cdream. It would have sense if he didnt for me. At the end there's lots of friendships that are pretty grey and imperfect on the dsmp, Like c!clingyduo exist

As far as the prison goes, it is hard to say. How long would have been too long? And how did he not know about Quackity’s torture when it was’t like he was trying to hide it or anything. I think it comes down to trust. Specifically, Punz’s trust and faith in Dream. I’ve talked about it before, but in the stream we get of the two by themselves, Dream is filling Punz in on his plans, but not all of it. Just enough for Punz to understand what his part to play in it is. So, I don’t think Punz really knew what Dream was subjecting himself to, not to mention that things did not go as planned. Sure, while Dream considered all the possible things that could go wrong, like losing two lives and someone coming to torture him, that doesn’t mean Punz knew that and allowed Dream to go through with it. I feel like the perception a lot of times with Punz is that he is like a viking helping an older person up a mountain only to have him jump off. I think we give Punz too much credit to say he saw the big picture just because Dream did. I more so get the impression that he’s by Dream’s side and helping him climb or go wherever he needs to go not necessarily focused on where they are going, because he believes in what Dream believes, he wants what Dream wants, and be trusts Dream as his friend, who is clever and has never given him reason to question him before. 

Because of this trust, there is also an element of betrayal. If he pulls the plug and makes plans to rescue him from prison, he is going against Dream, he is doubting him. If he makes a move to end things without Dream’s support, he is expressing that he doesn’t believe in Dream and not only does that seem like something Punz would not want to risk, but also the reason he looks so bad is because of the conditions of the prison. But see, I don’t think he got to see it before Dream’s incarceration, so he isn’t aware of how inhumane it is. Sure, he likely heard from Bad, but Punz is probably also aware that Dream could be just manipulating Bad so how trust worthy is he. 

We as an outsider perspective can see Dream breaking at the seams, but the other characters certainly aren’t aware of it, so it’s a little unfair to say Punz would either. Dream has been formidable, always prepared, planned out, 10 steps ahead, why would Punz have any reason to doubt Dream in prison? Punz is also one to follow orders, he’s a mercenary after all. You pay him $10 bucks to log off and he will, why would he defy orders, especially if he didn’t know how bad it was. Hell, maybe Dream was supposed to use Ranboo to send a message to Punz if things went wrong, but after Ranboo stopped visiting that was no longer an option, but that Punz necessarily knew about that. So maybe Punz was just sitting on his hands waiting for the go ahead to do something. 

Now after prison, when Dream is such a wreck, is when we see Punz more so go off script. We see him give a passionate, detailed proposition to Purpled (that there’s no way Dream signed off of as it makes him look bad) and we see him reveal he has the revive book to clingy duo and bring Dream back in front of them. Because after prison, when it is revealed just how “south” Dream’s plan went, Punz more takes things into his own hands, especially when it comes to Dream’s well being as Dream can clearly not be trusted to look after that. 

A lot of people seem to get the impression that they did not spend a lot of time together, but see I don’t think that’s true. For starters, there is the "we" in this [clip] where it seems to me that Punz is helping to lead them to the saw trap room almost like he helped make it. Secondly, according to the map [post], placing Vik and Lazar’s experiments after prison this leads us to figure they at least spend a lot of time working together on that. If Dream is to be believed in the finale, months even. And Punz’s protective behavior seen no clearly than this moment [post] makes me more so inclined to believe Punz doesn’t leave him alone for long, especially with everyone out to kill him. I mean he can’t stay at the prison full time, he still has a cover to maintain, but just because he’s in his house in the finale, I don’t think means he kept his distance from Dream, especially after everything with Las Nevadas.

Then as far as the plan goes, we really don’t know even what it is, nonetheless if Punz fought against it. I think Punz stayed by his side and he had the same goals as Dream and they did things together, but that doesn’t mean that he trusted Dream fully after prison or didn’t push back on Dream’s self destruction or that if they survived the nuke that he would continue the plan without Dream. Like I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Punz to me seems to be more so a follower, akin to Tubbo, loyal even if maybe they should hold their friend back from doing something stupid (except Dream is a liar and good at making his stupid seem smart lol making the situation worse). Punz isn’t like Techno, who will call out Dream’s bs, he isn’t the mastermind or thinking 10 steps ahead or seeing the big picture, he’s following Dream who does. He and Dream have been friends from the start, he and Dream want the same things, and he trusts and believes in Dream...

And yes, I think this is apart of what makes their friendship flawed, unbalanced, and tragic, but as you said, so are the other friendships on the dsmp and honestly, so are friendships in real life...

(anyways... I've talked a lot about staged duo, so if I didn't say or explain it here I may have said it somewhere else like in one these other posts: [<> <> <> <> <>] though their dynamic has been shifting in my brain a bit since noticing the map so...)

[robinsnest2111]

Once again unsure of my entire existence and wondering if I should simply give in to societal pressures, live as a woman and act and dress like it, go on a strict diet to achieve the ideal feminine body, go back to my natural hair colour and get a sensible feminine haircut, start drinking alcohol even if I don't like the taste and am scared of the feeling of losing control, get a boyfriend because everyone always tells me how pretty I am and that getting into a relationship shouldn't be a problem, basically do all the things I have no interest in or have strong reservations about just to see if it'll cure my depression like everyone always tells me

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I was rewatching The Stone Forest and I really like to think that Hilda had to pass by the Bell Keeper’s outpost on her way out of the city limits. I like to think that idiot looked at what was happening, shrugged, and said ‘eh, she’s the scariest thing out there’

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Soooooo I wrote this incredibly self-indulgent thing about Miles. I have many feelings about how he keeps himself so tightly in control. It's gotta go somewhere.

Disclaimer it's quite dark, so mind the trigger warning and keep yourself safe <3

TW: self-harm, not what I would consider graphic descriptions, but it is the central theme and way more than a mention

The lock clicks. He slips his suit jacket off. Loosens then removes his tie. Untucked, buttons undone. It’s all laid out on the bed. Step by step. Shoes set to the side and trousers swapped for silken pajama pants.

The bathroom door closes behind him. The second lock between him and the world. The shower comes on. Towel laid out on the counter.

His drawer, second down on the left. He pulls out the small black bag. Gold zipper. Supple leather. Inside, his collection. Three packs of new razor blades. An open pack of blades; used ones tucked into the back. A single hypodermic needle. A crafting knife. Two unopened band aids.

The rest of the drawer’s contents is ignored, antiseptic and suture kits, butterfly closures and rolls of gauze, in favor of practiced hands sliding the tin of blades from the bag and the blade from the tin.

He sits on the toilet, lid down. Elbow straight. Fist clenched. The first slice with a small inhale. Bright and sharp and stinging. Familiar and comforting. Line after line as red blooms from the wounds. The ecstasy second only to the Kiss. Rivulets follow gravity down. Strategically placed tissues catch the mess.

Stained crimson, they fall into the waste basket. He flexes his wrist, testing the pull of the broken skin, blots the last of the blood away. Blade inspected and stowed; everything returned to it’s place. Pajamas folded on top of the toilet, he steps into the shower.

[meirimerens]

I've only now noticed Eva Yan's scars on your drawings of her, is there any story or headcanon behind them?

keeping it real babygirl [gender neutral] the story is that this woman canonically kills herself, canonically contemplates suicide, quite explicitly mentioning the method she intents on using to you (with implications that she has, at the very least, thought about it/thought it through before), and lives with broken mirrors so she cannot (/doesn't have to) see her face like i just think She Is Mentally Unwell. like as a long-term, enduring, persistent thing, She Is Mentally Unwell and the plague is just worsening her condition, while it didn't cause it. the storey/headcanon is that she is mentally ill, openly and canonically has self-destructive tendencies, so. the scars are here because she lives with a lil something something in her mind which drives her to plenty of destructive acts in ways big and small. ywkim

[averlym]

,,, little lemmings in line...

[dazzle02]

TW: Self Harm and Suicide

Imagine the 118 getting a call to a house for a suicide attempt. It's a teenager, maybe 13. She's hurt herself badly, maybe she hadn't meant for it to be as bad as it was. But her parents are not happy. And not in the sense that they're worried because their daughter just potentially tried to kill herself, but they're actually upset with her.

And they start saying about how she's been hurting herself lately, but it's just for attention. (You know, that horrible thing some people say about SH...) That she's not actually got any problems, she just wants attention.

And they're all pretty pissed at the parents, but they're trying to be professional, because they have to be.

But Buck just snaps. He was a kid who was hurting himself to get his parents attention. And it was awful for him. It severely damaged his psyche. To this day he still struggles to deal with people not giving him the right attention. So he knows how this kid must feel.

And so maybe he snaps at the parents, or maybe he just totally shuts down.

Either way, the rest of the 118 pick up on it. And it suddenly hits them what he was telling them all those years ago when he was telling them about his parents. It really hits them all that he was purposely hurting himself as a kid.

[faithfromanewperspective]

need a private tumblr to be an outlet for feelings had while activisming

[irrigos]

Just got caught up with the Book of Red Murder, and I'm obsessed! It def hits different as a nonbinary recovering catholic considering naming myself Morgan. I also couldn't help but notice that last tag. I don't know much about that storyline but I swear to god if Morgan seeks the name I'll be spiraling into madness along with them

im so glad you like it!!!!

i will tell you this right now because i dont think its too much of a spoiler (and also because i dont want people to be anxious about it lol): morgan does not seek the name!!! but someone they know does :3

the Seeking stuff is not really explicit, in that there's not a lot of the actual content of Seeking portrayed on screen (we dont see anyone indulge their unaccountable peckish-ness, or acquire any candles, or do any of uh. the rest of it) but its discussed in dialogue and we see some of the aftermath. i wanted to portray it more in the vein of having someone you know join a cult or enter an abusive relationship. we'll see how successful i am at that when I post book 3!!! (but in my unbiased opinion, its very juicy. some tasty food for my fellow drama-lovers.)

[bunnihearted]

𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 🐇 ／ ⋆ ۪

[chamomile-g-tea]

-in regards to me appropriating ocs and causing unicornofgt’s gtms to implode - i really want to reiterate to my followers i do NOT want attention, or pity, or support or defense. I’m not here now to garner sympathy or love. i just wanted to at least address the ripple that my irresponsibility caused. i don’t condone any form of bullying or side taking or justification or. analyzing people in my name. i do not know 98% of you and you do not know me. i’m just an internet person facing my mistakes, please don’t rush to my defense just because you liked my art. real people have been hurt and driven away because i was self centered and didn’t discuss or give her space to express important boundaries, and i handled the aftermath poorly.

[bob-the-cemetery-ghost]

[Vent]

[So fairly recently, about a month or so ago, I learned that a person that I was like really in love with admitted that they were being fake to me and never really liked me called me annoying and stupid and said that they've been so annoyed by me that they've just completely told me that they didn't care and blocked me and completely ghosted me. Ever since then I've been crying a lot more recently, like for the past few nights I've caught myself crying to sleep and waking up with tear stains on my pillow and like an hour ago I was playing with my friends and one of them jokingly called me out for not doing good on a game and I broke down instantly (we were playing for like 30 minutes). I've been having a really hard time getting a good sleep let alone any sleep at all and I've been not wanting to get out of bed. I'm starting to just not eat recently and I think I'm underweight, I'm having a really short temper, I'm not taking any care of myself and I think I almost had another panic attack over yelling at myself. I've started thinking about SH again. And everything has just been rough overall, I'm not even wanting to look at my phone anymore I barely even wanted to write this despite knowing I needed to. I'm not doing the best this past month or two]