#self care ig lmao
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linda-rose · 2 years ago
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ughhhhhhhhh the hardest part about my grad classes atm isn't actually the work or whatever, it will get done no matter what I know that...it's sitting in a classroom for THREE HOURS talking about equity and education with a room full of people that have so much drama and history between them that you can feel it, and one of which is consistently playing oppression olympics and trauma dumping every chance she gets. The emotional labor is just!!!!!!!!
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tubbytarchia · 11 months ago
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
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kindahoping4forever · 8 months ago
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Ash via Perola Navarro's IG Story
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ohmaggies · 2 months ago
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not afraid of oc posting anymore <3 (person who is still afraid of oc posting </3)
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roaringheat · 9 months ago
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chat, i did it i finally broke up with my partner
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futurewife · 10 months ago
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my ship with C/able has to be my defining life achievement thus far
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self-spaghettification · 2 years ago
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they/themavos real
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I'm so eepy RAAAAHHH
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piratebay · 4 months ago
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it should've been totally obvious due to my actual usage of tumblr, but i completely forgot how Deeply Uncool i was at 17 🙃
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whoblewboobear · 5 months ago
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It’s strange, I’m used to hyperfixating hard on things like HARD (beats my 2yr long beetlejuice musical obsession back with a stick) but Starbreaker- not even fantasy high itself took me over to the point of feeling like a teen about. Like I haven’t had this much fun in fandom in years. I haven’t like- interacted with people this much in fandom in years (which is still not enough but if I beat myself up about social interaction again I’ll jump off a cliff)
But there’s never been a concern of like “this obsession won’t fade for a while but it’ll lose popularity” and that’s fine and surprisingly it hasn’t. But it is different. It’s like adapting to it constantly as the thing itself changes even when there are aspects that you’d like to stay the same. Like that ‘I don’t go to this school of thought, but I’ll still take the class bc it’s interesting’ sorta thing.
And then there’s that feeling of WANTING to contribute but the thing has become such a beast that it’s like oooh I’m so out of my depths here.
Also like constantly having to look myself in the eye and be like ‘bitch you don’t have to talk or contribute to EVERYTHING’ and the sooner I accept that and accept that it is what it is, ill miss things, I won’t get enjoyment out of every aspect and every aspect isn’t for me and that that isn’t a bad thing, I’ll stop having moments of feeling weird and out of place. I have my lil corner and that’s okay
#ngl I think the biggest ‘culture shock’ ig about being in fandom is that tagging systems have changed so much or something bc I’m used to#walking in a tag and that’s where you find everything#but now it’s different#things are tagged wayyy differently and it means missing things or setting aside time to go down a list to check every blog#I dunno#I always feel a little weird about main tagging sb stuff now bc I’ll check the tag and it’s like oh? things are slowing down#but it’s like nooo bc of tagging and different lanes entirely I’m just missing stuff#idk what this is I’m just talking but it’s strange#I think I’m bad at fandom and that defeats the purpose of it bc it’s recreational#it’s supposed to be fun.#it’s /supposed/ to be fun#I saw a post the other day of someone that’s in this purely for Jace and having similar feelings of being out of the loop and it got me#thinking bc on some part I’ve contributed to it and I’ve probably clogged tags#but the lizard part of my brain that gets the dopamine boost from getting a note is like if I don’t main tag it won’t be seen#but truly either way I am mostly talking to myself lmao#so yah know? idk it should be fun#idk what this is and idk if I’ll fully ever commit to a different/quieter tagging system#bc tumblr is the place I got to scream and be annoying without being told it’s too much and some how I’ve convinced myself that on my own#blog and fandom spaces I enjoy that I’m just annoying#and I don’t wanna think that#I think I’m tired. like hyperfixation hasn’t died but the part of me that’s hungry for being completely consumed by it is tired#my one fear is that I’ll be so annoying that my fic will finish and no one will care#which isn’t true bc I’ll care until the bitter end lmao#idk I’ve talked so much that I’m like oh I’ve done the thing again I should shut up#also this is too like- self focused way too self focused#which just makes it worse bc then I’m like that’s what got me in this mess#but goddamn there’s just so much shit I’m missing out on and interactions I’d like to have but about things that I’m out of my depths on#so it made fandom a little lonely and a little secular#feeling like a kid on the outs#I want that feeling to die especially about the things I love
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kxllerblond · 1 year ago
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my blog my hobby my fun times idc but also i always feel the need to justify this ongoing arc of clark because it's just so...relationship based. and yeah a lot is romance because, let's be frank here and be real, that's a good chunk of the rpc's motivations and wants and it's the easiest to get. but it's also friends and found family, kindred spirits, etc. but he's transitioning into a very heavy emphasis on actual, meaningful connections and yeeeeah it's been a natural path here and yeah it makes sense from a writing standpoint for a muse i've had since like 2012.
like clark's initial arc was yearning for this sort of stuff and not being allowed and then we moved into him actively avoiding it and now we've moved sort of into the 'fuck it. fucked up healing arc' period where he's letting himself feel and love in all senses of the word.
and it all makes sense to me because i've been here through it all but i can just imagine new people stumbling to my blog and seeing hella smut or romance shit or wooby-wubby shit or what's supposed to be this big bad villain making bffs and being turned off or worse thinking i'm just the person for easy shipping or smut shit and writing off clark completely as an individual and that kinda sucks but yKNOW it is what it is
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sirenemale · 1 year ago
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Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.
#ig it's just that unpacking that and ingrained beliefs and the urge to be centered and coddled is#something you have to be doing regardless and i kind of jsut cant respect not doing that#like i care abt ballroom there is a ballroom scene here and my ruminations can play up on anything like#i absolutely cannot engage with the ballroom scene here its not a space for pakeha reslly and i dont want to come off as a white drag race#fan who isnt aware of privilege and wants to be inserted everywhere egotist ect maybe even being into drag at all is problematic ill never#understand ballroom bc i didnt go thru enough and bc im white and z and x and x#and like THAT is disordered thinking that is feedjng off scraps of white fragility and online discourse#but there is truth that the scene here is intimate and new and primarily for maori and pacific and takatapui and that is how it needs to be#like i hope im not wildly off base. idw be one of those ppl who are like just found out abt opression im going to make myself the singular#voice and educator on it coughing at breadtube phenomena kinda thing right right right#like just white ppl bouncing obvious things they just learned back and forth to feel more progressive#i just think ocd isnt a good reason to feed into the left cannibalizes itself cant say anything these days isms of it all and the like#ohhh ur a puritan bc u think cp is bad parts of the net#my self analyzing and ruminations are a thin line but it has genuienly improved me to understand that#your shame and guilt whether it's rational or disordered or not isn't the center of the world and does not need to be coddled#anyway LMAO it did spend 5 hours writing this bc it is disordered and got stuck on it#long post
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ningningkittie · 1 year ago
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well... i woke up in time for school. which is the hardest part since it starts at 9am nd i always go to sleep at 4am and wake up around 12-13pm lol. but i got up nd checked when the busses are running.. i checked the weather nd it says it's gnna rain. then i thought "do i rlly need to go today..... cant i go next week?". the thing with me is that if i allow myself to have that thought then it's ruined. if i have the thought of not going, then i wont. thats why i make myself just get up nd go thru the motions nd leave, nd never allowing myself to think that. buuuuut i messed up today... i just wanna stay in bed nd go back to sleep T-T im sitting here "thinking abt it" but the time is already running out nd i dont rlly have time to get up nd get ready now. i dont think i'll get in trouble that i missed this week if i just make sure to go every day next week. ugh
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strxnged · 2 years ago
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is there a sweet spot between caring too much about what people think and not giving a shit about what people think. because both seem to be kind of toxic for a truly healthy social life
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malkaviian · 2 years ago
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for some reason i am thinking that, if my ocs had a fandom, chase would be the character who mostly gets "i can fix him" type of x reader fanfics
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snekdood · 1 month ago
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i think ppl were hoping me becoming poor would make me as bitter as they are but... nah
#i move about the world different sorry#i have my reasons to be upset but i dont let it consume me and become my personality#going to therapy ever since i was like 12 has done wonders for me#you hafta realize that- i could- if i discarded all my values and desire for wellbeing- probably get whatever money from my dad.#my conservative dad who wants me to not be myself and would probably try to black mail me about it like he did when i was a kid#you dont understand how much i have to hate someone. to not be around someone. to PREFER to be poor than interact with them.#im by no means comfortable. sometimes i have periods of comfort other times i have no money and barely anything to eat.#id rather starve than go back to that abuse. you might feel different but thats bc like i said i move about the world different.#you dont know what that abuse was like. after experiencing it you might choose the same.#and no i personally dont consider that me 'having options'. i really dont see sacrificing myself and living as a shell of my former self#as an option personally. its either die by starving or die by sacrificing myself and quite frankly atp im choosing the former.#ive already tried the latter and hated every second of it every time#the only bitterness i have about being poor rn is at yall who wanted me to become poor. so no. it didnt work out in your favor.#not sure why you thought it would. i hate yall.#dont get me wrong- i hate the rich too for this- but ig i dont see them as subhuman or whatever since i lived like that#the uberwealthy though? yeah idk. still dont like the nazi rhetoric of calling them subhuman but i dont have any real#sympathy for them. most of my sympathy for rich ppl anyways is when they're kids and how that fucks em up but if they become#corrupt selfish adults i dont have sympathy for them atp.#and to be clear- im not saying the benefits of having money somehow hurts them- there are negatives to it though if your parents#suck and think buying you things = love. and make you dependent on your parents bc you've had everything taken care of for#you your whole life so you have no real life skills so you cant as easily leave. which is worse if your parent is abusive.#also dealing with other rich kids? sucks! depends but it almost always feels like a dick measuring contest.#being isolated your whole life + not knowing how to take care of yourself- the number 1 thing animals teach their children first +#not having any genuine friends + not receiving genuine love? kinda turns ppl into super villains ngl#if i didnt have dogs who taught me a lot of shit id probably be a super villain too ok lmao
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