#seems to me he did lie to her💀 anyway

[sylhea-raemi]

can the next an event please come closer i want her to realize RIGHT NOW it's been three events i'm going to cry

[elasticbeach]

Please tell me you are writing a part 3 to the breaking up with Shanks and it ends with a fluffy happy family

Part 3/ Breaking up with Shanks but realizing you still have feelings for him

Yall I didn’t even realise that I haven’t posted this 💀 this has been sitting in my drafts for waay too long, anyways thank you all for all the positive feedback, I feel like this part is written better than the first two. Anyways enjoy reading!

Warnings: None

Part 1/Part 2/ Part 3

You were standing in the kitchen while your little girl was having her usual afternoon nap, you were baking muffins just because, everyone loves muffins right? Actually your nerves were driving you crazy with every passing second and baking seemed to ease your nerves a little. Your mind raced with questions. Will there be a knock on your door? Or will the door be smashed entirely? Will he take your baby away from you? Will he even show up? Did he get scared and just decided to dump you entirely? Too many questions plagued your mind and while you stared outside the window deep in thought a knock brought you back to reality. Your head snapped at the sound of gentle knocks and your heart started racing. Slow steps getting you to the door, standing in front of it you were pretty sure your heart would explode as your heartbeat hammered loudly in your ears. Slowly you opened the door just to reveal the old lady next door. At this point this whole situation slowly started driving you mad. You had never experienced paranoia like this and had no idea how to deal with anxiety like that. After the lady left, you went to check on your daughter. She was peacefully sleeping in her crib, kneeling down next to her you brushed a few of her red locks out of her face. She really went after him, huh? you thought. Life still did not feel real, even when your daughter was born. you still felt like that young girl who just wanted some love and adventure. tears formed at the corners of your eyes, you miss him so much, it hurts.

A few days later you were laying on the beach trying to enjoy some sun while your daughter slept under the small tent you put up. Your mind did clear a bit at the ocean breeze and the warm sun tanning your skin. You almost fell asleep yourself, till you heard it "PIRATES!!" someone screamed in panic. You quickly sat up and looked at the horizont, that’s when you saw it, his ship. The ship you spent years on, before settling down. You quickly put a robe over your body and grabbed your daughter, you didnt even bother standing uo or trying to flee. Just pressing her against you and closing your eyes, anticipating the worst. A few minutes passed, you were too afraid to open your eyes. You heard steps approaching and thats when you opened your eyes. "Long time no see, ____" you sighed to embarrassed to even look his way. You heard him coming closer. "Please dont take her from me.." you whispered in a weak voice. You heard him sit down next to you. "I would never." he said in a serious tone and thats when you finally looked at him. His face carried a frown while his eyes showed sadness. He was hurt you could tell, tears formed once again. "Im so sorry..I really am." You said and sobbed. “Shh” He immediately started calming you down while rubbing your shoulder. You sobbed again before sniffing and calming your nerves a little, you looked at Shanks again. “You’re still just as beautiful.” He said with that smile of his, no mischief or lie in his eyes. It was the first thing he decided to say, nothing about the daughter and not how mad or disappointed he is but this. He called you beautiful, making you tear up again. He chuckled “Stop crying, you always make that funny face when you cry.” That made you chuckle a bit making you sniff and carefully hand him his daughter. Without a word he took the little girl looking at her little face. The little girl was inspecting her father for a few seconds before crying and wiggling, scared of the unfamiliar man. “I’m sorry, should’ve called earlier.” You started as he handed you your daughter with a light smile, as you started rocking the infant you continued to speak “ I was just so scared, I didn’t think it was necessary. No, that’s wrong..I was sceptical if you would even care you know? And it was just nerve wracking, because what if you took her from me??” You started sobbing troughout half of your monologue. “Calm down now you two crybabies.” He interrupted you with a smirk. “How come the two most important women of my life are crying because of me?” He chuckled a bit, again loosening the atmosphere again. “I’m sorry” You repeated, sobbing and wiping your tears with your shoulder, still having your daughter in your arms. Her crying stopped by now and she was inspecting Shanks from a distance now. “It’s okay.” Shanks says smiling at his daughter and then at you. “Must’ve been scary going trough all of this alone?” Shanks asks and you nod. You two spend up to three hours talking about casual stuff, him telling you about the adventures you missed. You telling him everything he missed of his daughters life and said daughter warming up to her daddy enjoying his company.

“I’ll walk you to your home.” Shanks said as you started packing. You didn’t even try to protest, because you know you want him to. You want his affection and attention, want him to stay. Forever. “Thanks” You flash him a smile before laying your daughter in her crib and the two of you start walking. And this image of the two of you, it brings you peace. It feels so normal, so natural. You probably look like a normal family walking back from the beach, everything feels so right, if only it had been like that since the first day. Your thoughts are interrupted by his voice. “So how are we handeling this whole situation?” You shrug, really not having a clue how to answer “I’m definitely not taking the two of you onto the ship, that’s way too dangerous. Just stay here, I will visit from time to time. You should call me more often, I want to hear more about your life. Maybe we aren’t lovers anymore, but we should at least keep in touch, we do have a kid together.” He chuckles after the statement, most definitely hiding how he actually feels, you know him too well to not notice. “Yeah, sounds good.” You reply, because you know that it’s over for the two of you. Even if he still loves you how could he possibly still want to be with you, a liar and coward that doesn’t even know what she wants.

Back home you bathe your daughter together and then you rock her asleep. As you slowly close the door to the nursery and walk to the kitchen he’s already waiting at the door. “Well, I think I will get going for now let’s meet tomorrow again, with the crew as well.” He rubs his neck as he speaks “I thought you were staying dor dinner” your voice getting more quiet troughout your statement. “I can stay??” He seems surprised and happily sits down at the dinnig table. You smile a bit and start preparing something small for the two of you. Dinner is nice, you talk a bit here and there but it’s mostly quiet, not an awkward quiet more of a enjoying each other’s company quiet. You would look up a few times, looking at his strong hands as he cuts the meat or how he licks his lips after each bite. You would lie if you said you didn’t miss the way his hands touched you or the way his lips kissed you and licked-. You stopped yourself right there, these times were long gone. You shoud just stop thinking about him in this way, he’s just the father of your daughter, you ex-boyfriend that YOU broke up with. “You alright?” You look up a bit confused. “You haven’t touched the food in like a minute just staring at it.” He looks at you just as confused. “I was just lost in thought, sorry.” You crack a smile and keep eating. You two finish eating in silence and he helps you clean up after.

“Well, see you tomorrow then?” He says as he steps over the door step. “Yeah.” You look up at him. You two look in each others eyes, seeing the desire, the love for each other. He leans down and presses a quick kiss on your cheeck. “Goodnight” He smiles. “Goodnight.” You smile back and close the door, you lean against the closed door and slide it down smiling like a fool.

The next morning you woke up a bit late. Your daughter was crying all night so you didn’t get all that much sleep. Rubbing your face with cold water you hear a knock. Drying your face and walking over to the door you slowly open expecting Shanks. As he looks upon your figure he immediately notices your tired appearance, while you still wear your Pjs. “You alright?” He asks as he steps inside. “Do I look that bad?” You chuckle a bit closing the door behind him. “No, not really. Just a bit..worn out.” The two of you chuckle. You lead Shanks to his daughter that is still asleep in your bed, since she refused to sleep away from you. “Look at her, didn’t let you sleep all night and now she’s snoozing away.” You smile at his statement, seeing how lovingly he looks at his daughter. “I wish I would’ve seen more of her and you..pregnant.” He looks over at you. You two share neutral expressions as you look at each other, both of you unsure how to handle the situation. You look down at the floor and sigh. “Look, I’m really sorry about everything-“ “Don’t, I understand.” He interrupts you. “No, please let me finish. Just listen to me please.” You sigh again and start talking. “I did NOT know of my pregnancy when I left and that wasn’t the reason I left. I just always dreamed of domestic life, but I also always knew that with you it would be impossible. But I don’t know what’s gotten into me when I left I was I don’t know..” You take a short pause to swallow the lump in your throat. “Maybe it were the pregnancy hormones or whatever but I need you to know that. I still love you and never stopped, I thought it was the better thing for me to leave and try to forget you but how could I? You are the love of my life Shanks. I don’t know if you could ever forgive me for taking your daughter from you, but I just need you to know that I love you. I never stopped loving you.” Tears stain your cheeks by the time you are finished and when you sob and look up you see him standing in front of you. The two of you fall into a long embrace. Hugging each other, with you just crying into his shirt. “Now calm down, I never stopped loving you either.” The two of you keep on hugging. He then pushes you away a bit just to capture your lips in a long kiss. You never felt so much joy in your life as his lips touched yours, everything else didn’t seem important anymore and you just forgot about those months of separation in this moment. You two parted for air and looked into each others eyes when suddenly a crying noise from your daughter captures your attention. “I will take care of her in the living room, get some sleep.” He smiled and wiped some of your tears. “I love you Shanks.” “I love you too.”

Repost are appreciated <3

[squarebracketsmileyface]

how did you decide Birdie would call Tim papa, not daddy (assuming it's the single dad au Tim)?

Honestly it's mostly a left over from the version of PGPau where Jay lives and he and Tim raise Birdie together (there's now also a very rough version of that Au where Jay lives but vanished Brian style and shows back up in Tim's life years later with a bunch of stuff figured out. This fic has too many au's. So much for me trying to give 'the' au a name so I could keep it straight in my head, now PGPau has like three aus behind it, it's just anything post canon now, whoops. Oh well 💀)

Anyway, Jay just seemed like the dad/daddy parent, and that made sense to me with the whole trans Jay thing, Jay going from dad/daddy to mum/mummy was just too perfect y'know? So Tim became papa because of that, and then I decided Birdie would be 'canon' to Sorry It's Locked and went "well Jay's still gonna die because I love angst too much to give that up" and just ended up keeping papa for Tim even in the more 'canon' single dad Tim au because I just feel like it suits him. Y'know?

He just seems like a papa to me. He's a big loving mamabear to his very tiny very weird daughter, y'know? Ridiculously protective of her, if you hurt his baby he will rip your arms off, but also incredibly soft with her because she's his kid and she survived so fucking much with him even before she was born and he wants desperately to give her the childhood and family he never had. Even if that family is just him and her.

He's a mamabear protecting and loving his cub, except he's a guy, so he's a papabear but you know what i mean 💀

I just love it. Papa suits him, y'know?

Jay's dad/daddy and then mum/mummy, Tim's papa the whole way through, and Brian is Mr. Thomas then Brian, then quickly becomes bubba.

I love it. They're just all so cute.

Okay, I went off on a tangent about Alex here for some reason so I'm putting it under a thingybobber 💀

And with the whole "everyone lives" thing even Alex would probably end up with like, not a family title like the others, but he'd be part of their family in a friend way, y'know? Like, in everyone lives, everyone lives, y'know? And that includes Alex. And obviously he's not just walking around free, but I see him being in like hospital prison y'know? I can't remember what that's called, but anyway. He's in hospital prison and he can't leave because of what he did, but he's not in normal prison because he really wasn't in control of his actions when he killed people, not really.

At first only Tim goes to visit him, and even then he doesn't go super often because it's hard on both him and Alex (though mostly Alex). And he mostly goes because he understands what Alex was going through the best. He understands that if he hadn't had his medication he could easily have been the one in Alex's place. He wasn't "better" than Alex or more resistant to the Operators influence, he simply had people around him who could help (that being his doctors).

Then after a little while it's both Tim and Jay who go to visit Alex, still only very occasionally because, yeah it's a lot, none of them can really cope with seeing each other more than a couple times a year at first, but over time it gets easier and eventually Tim and Jay end up visiting him once every one to two months or something, once Alex's doctors or whatever are like "yeah I think that'll be okay, he's starting to cope better and relapse less when you come to visit him now. We genuinely think it's helping him."

They tell Alex about their life together and eventually Birdie comes up. So Alex knows about Birdie.

And Birdie knows about Alex because obviously she asks about how her parents met, and she asks where they went when they've had a day out, and they don't wanna lie to her, so they tell her about MH in the most kid friendly way they can, and tell her they're visiting this friend who's in hospital and can't leave because he tried to hurt people when he was younger. And like, obviously they are like, "we don't blame him for it, he was really, really sick and didn't realise that what he was doing wasn't 'saving' people like he thought it was" or whatever. They talk to her about the good sides of Alex, as well as very carefully addressing the bad sides, and eventually Birdie starts asking to go with them to see him. And like, at first it's a flat out no, because Jay and Tim have no damn clue how either Birdie or Alex will react to meeting each other, and even just seeing Tim and Jay used to fuck Alex up pretty bad and it took ages to get to the point they're at now. Like, they don't wanna undo that progress.

Anyway, eventually Brian comes back into their lives too, still the same way, with him starting out as a new teacher at Birdies school and then meeting Tim and Jay (well, Lark at that point but y'know) and eventually ending up dating the two of them and Birdie just kinda naturally migrated to calling him bubba, because it's not quite a parent name, but it's that same sort of sound, y'know?

Then like, Tim and Lark have been talking to the people in charge of looking after Alex and trying to figure out if there's a way he can meet Birdie. And like, with Brian back in the picture that's another thing for Alex to deal with so the whole "meet Birdie" thing gets pushed back again because finding out Brian is also alive is just, a lot for Alex, hugely conflicting and all that. Like, he's both glad Tim didn't kill Brian (or Brian didn't die running away from Tim whatever) and also very upset because he failed to "save" him. But eventually, ages and ages later, Birdie and Brian both end up going to see Alex too (after like, much therapy for them both to help them get ready for that, especially Brian) but like, yeah. Idk Birdie's probably like 15 by the time she meets Alex and it's all mostly fine honestly.

Idk I just like the idea of Birdie getting to meet Alex and it just kinda being fine? He's just a guy who got very sick when he was younger, and that changed the way his brain worked so that he couldn't fully comprehend the fact that killing people wasn't necessarily the best way to save them, that they could live with the Operator's presence like Tim had and still be okay. Like, it wasn't his fault. The Operator was literally changing the way his brain worked and without any medical intervention like Tim had, Alex was pretty much doomed from the start. He couldn't fight that. The operator was like a malicious, sentient, intangible tumor pressing on his brain and changing his personality, except it was taken to the extreme, because supernatural monster, y'know?

[evony256]

SPOILERS FOR DRDT CHAPTER 2 EPISODE 13

TW: SUICIDE

I just wanted to share my thoughts on the episode too since I've seen a lot of people do that

By the way I had to watch this like 7 hours after it was released and I have not scrolled through Tumblr yet so I might bring up stuff that have already been discussed. Also all of these notes were written down while I was watching the episode so yeah

-Levi just moved up so much on my kin list it's insane like omg…

- This was one bad day for Acevi fans, huh. I guess the Xanvid came at a price

-Whit I can now see why David told you to shut up I like you but that was bad 💀 (he was probably left affected by how David reacted in episode 12 and is either really uncomfortable or somewhat intimidated by David now)

-Nah nah nah that's definitely not Teruko's secret so I'm gonna start theorizing now. Teruko might have most of the secrets. It's not like they belong to her, but if you think back to episode 8 she said that she doesn't know which secret is hers because so many things have happened in her life. She probably said that she got the family secret because she thought that was the most likely one. Hu's secret might also be accurate to her considering the fact that, in episode 4, she told Arei that failed suicide attempts are painful, hinting at the fact that she might have tried to kill herself at some point (also backed up by the fact that, in episode 3, she says "why save my life if you're just going to ruin it afterwards?" when talking about her medical debt). The idea that she has most (if not all, but I doubt that) of the secrets might tie in with the killing game secret since it says "How could I even select what secret to be your motive?". The wording here is very ambiguous since it could be interpreted as "secrets about your life" or "secrets that are on the board", like the ones that the other cast members have, the latter being something that I bet that nobody in the fandom thought about until this episode. Anyway theory over back to saying stupid shit

-AREI ILYSM YOU ARE MAKING ME CRY YET FEEL HAPPY THAT'S WHY YOU'RE MY FAVORITEEEEE 😭😭😭

-SHE GOT NEW SPRITES TOO SHE IS SO PRETTY

-I MADE AN AUDIBLE GASP NOISE WHEN THAT CG WITH EDEN SHOWED UP HOLY SHIT!!!! I think she might have hurt or killed the girl she kissed? Unless she killed Arei, which is still a posibility, or Levi lied about his secret for Eden’s sake (idea which could contribute to the "Eden killer Levi accomplice" theory), though Charles would have also needed to lie for Eden since he had her secret. Also, if we're going with Eden remorseless murderer theory, in my opinion, it wouldn't make sense for Eden to be a remorseless killer after what Arei said about her making a mistake "that she couldn't take back" (showing that she probably felt remorse for what she did). Also also this is a good time for me to bring up the note with "Eden's motive" that Charles gave to Teruko. That note could be proof of whether or not Eden really does have the girl kisser secret and I want to mention that the note could be anything since we only have Charles' word to rely on. I really hope we get to see what it says because it's been making me more suspicious of Charles (I personally think that Charles is somewhat suspicious so I might make a post about it soon even though there isn't much proper evidence to say that he has something to do with the killing game, there's still a couple of questionable things about what he's done/said). Okay yap session number two over

-Arei moved up even more on my kin list how is that even possible…. I also love how her voice changed so much in this episode. Even in prior episodes, her voice seemed so cheerful and energetic, yet in this one, it's much calmer. Showing that she truly is feeling relieved that there are other bad people in the world like her and that she might have a chance to redeem herself if so. God damnit Mokaui (Arei's VA) did such a good job with all of her voice lines she needs to be credited more

-THE AREI CG I AM CRYING AREI YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME ILYSM I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE BONUS EPISODE AFTER THIS

-They're finally talking about the murder method this is a new evolution for humanity

-Monotv causally breaking the forth wall, now we can blame it on the cast that they were talking about the secrets for an entire year because they didn't watch the Chapter 2 recap

-YESSS FINALLY A MINIGAME I’VE MISSED THESE SO MUCHHHH

-Ooh so that's what the broken handles meant also that Veronika art is so pretty

-I wonder why they would want to break her neck though, it doesn't seem like it would help with the murder at all, but maybe the killer was trying to cause confusion

-This is proving a theory that I've had for a while. If Arei was hung from the ceiling of the playground, then that could be tied in with the broken lights and the movie screening room above the playground. How would they be able to get her into the playground from the movie screening room though…

-J 💀 (that's all I’ve got to say literally)

-That's a lot of very precise information Whit I can understand Veronika but why would you know all that. Care to share something with the class?

-The text animations in the debate are so unique like the question marks with Rose and the one that circles around the top of Levi’s head those look so cool. Also getting to hear a lot of characters talk in a row feels amazing. It gives them a lot of depth showing the contrast between those characters’ tones of voice.

-Also there goes my screening room theory damn

-Everyone just roasting Teruko again is the best thing out of this episode /j

-We got puppy Whit 10/10 episode

-Also THREE CGS AND TWO MINIGANES IN ONE EPISODE??? DRDTDEV YOU HAVE BEEN COOKING 🔥🔥🔥 YOU CAN STOP NOW THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE (IN THE GOOD WAY). YOU MADE AN ENTIRE BUFFET. THIS IS AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT YOU CAN STOP NOW-

-Ooooo she's talking about Ace's attempted murder

-(Probably) Nico and Ace focused episode next week Nico and Ace fans are gonna be eating good

Overall, this might be my favourite episode so far. Not like I had a favourite episode before but still this was SO good

Also I just checked my Tumblr notifications why are there 50 like oh my lord 💀

[scenezfreak]

jeff chasing f!reader through the woods after she narrowly managed to get out of the cabin he had been keeping her trapped in. fucking her against a tree once he’s got his hands on her, reminding her how she’ll never truly escape him ♡

@endious YES 🙏 I fr had so much fun writing this, and I think I suited it best to your tastes (hopefully 🙇‍♀️)

P.S for other people: If you don’t like this then js move on, I warned you anyways 💀

Jeff the killer chasing f!reader

Warnings: non-con, blood, knifeplay, choking, mean Jeff, degrading, rough sex, orgasm denial (for reader)

PLEASE for the love of god read the warnings first

MINORS DNI, NOT PROOF READ.

You were running through the woods, running in a random direction, doing anything you could do to get away from that man. You couldn’t stand being there with him anymore and finally managed to escape…just barely. You heard his running behind you stop. You ran further until ducking behind a tree thinking he stopped and gave up. You stood there catching your breath.

You had cuts and bruises all over you from the forest, tripping and landing in thorns. Your heart sank as you heard footsteps behind you, deciding to not wait any longer you bolted. You could barely see, it was the dead of night and the only light was from the moon. Your foot hit a rock, tripping and falling into a bush of thorns. You yelped in pain from the thorns digging into your skin, only making it worse by thrashing around when you felt hands grab you by your hair and yanking you up.

“Seems our little chase is over~” his raspy voice sent shivers down your spine. He threw you back first into a tree, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head. The moonlight lighting up half of his face. His lidless eyes staring creepily at you, his cut smile with dried blood around it seemingly getting wider. It was a horrendous sight, anyone would be scared of him.

Tears were already running down your face, you were kicking and screaming. He quickly shut you up by moving one of his hands to your face. His nails dug into your cheeks, making you whimper in pain. “Aren’t I the only one who’s supposed to make you bloody and bruised?” He asked. You nodded, scared. He sighed loudly. “Most importantly” he leaned close to your ear, “you disobeyed me.” He said lowly, his hot breath made you shiver. You started crying and trying to get away from him.

“Keep misbehaving and I’ll make this worse for you.” He threatened. You stopped, still crying and shaking. You let out a sob when he used the hand from your face to grab his knife and stab it into the tree next to you. “Strip for me.” Complying you shakily took your clothes off, they hit the leaf covered ground and you looked back up at Jeff. His eyes pierced yours, examining your face. Oh how he loved when you cried for him, knowing it was HIM who made you cry and feel weak.

He shoved you back against the tree and held you by your throat as he unbuckled his blood covered black jeans and lowered them just enough to free his cock. He was excited from the chase and was already leaking precum. You hadn’t stopped crying, you really didn’t want him to do all this to you but you complied anyways as to not get beat by him. If you did anything he didn’t lie he would hit you and cut you up. He forcefully turned you around and bent you over, you held onto the tree as to not fall over.

Giving himself a few pumps he lined up with your hole, “filthy whore, going to have to put you in your place.” He thrusted in all the way, you weren’t wet enough for him and he stretched you out so painfully, your fingertips digging into the tree at the the pain. You started crying again. “P-please no….stop” you weakly looked back. His hand came up and shoved your head into the tree, the bark of the tree scraping and digging into your cheek. “Don’t look at me, whore.” He spat. You didn’t respond, letting out a pained moan as he began thrusting into you.

His pace was brutal, the clapping sound from his hips hitting your ass echoed through the forest. “So damn tight.” He hissed, fucking into you rougher. The side of your face scraping against the tree, you knew that was going to leave a bruise. “You know you’ll never get away from me, doll.” He said between thrusts, “I’m all you have.” He was right, your life before this wasn’t any better. A harsh slap echoed when he smacked your ass. “Tell me I’m all you have, slut.” He demanded. You whimpered. He slapped you again, this time rougher. “Y-you’re all I have- Jeff” it came out in a sob. “Good little cockslut.” He praised.

Your whole body ached in pain. You felt him twitch inside of you, looking over and getting a small peep of him. He was thrusting into you violently, his lidless eyes staring at where you were connected, drool starting to spill out from his cut smile. “You’re bleeding down here, doll~” he teased, “it’s turning me on more.” With how fast he was going and without preparation you were bleeding down there. He let out a manic laugh. “I’m gonna cum in ya’.” He stated. Your eyes widened. “N-NO PLEASE-“ your scream was cut off as he ripped you away from the tree by your hair, pulling your back towards his chest. He ripped the knife out from the tree and put it against your throat.

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll fucking kill ya” he threatened. You closed your mouth and sobbed silently as he continued thrusting into you. His cock twitched violently as his hips stuttered and came to a stop. He pushed all the way in and came inside of you. You felt ropes of his hot cum shoot inside of you. He groaned and tensed up, his knife accidentally cutting into your throat the smallest bit. He pulled out and let you go, you fell to the ground with a thud. He zipped his pants up and buckled his belt. You held your throat, the cut wasn’t too deep, just enough for blood to bead out. You passed out from exhaustion, catching his attention.

“Ah shit.” He said to himself, he didn’t want to carry you all the way back but he’d have to anyways, he knew you were weak. He quickly put your clothes on you, not caring to clean you up and carried you back to the cabin. Maybe he would just handcuff you to something so you couldn’t escape.

[ttulipwritezz]

I was hoping to request a Regulus Black x fem!reader

Where the reader is a pure blood and Slytherin and regulus is friends with her since he was a kid.

As they grow up the reader starts finding sirius attractive, but regulus watches this from afar. Hurting silently. And he confesses too late

Idk I kinda want a sad ending 💀

a/n: I usually put these at the end but here you go. I had sm fun working on this request and honestly, I don't think I did your idea justice. I took some creative liberty and kind of changed the idea. But the dynamic remains. I hope you like this &lt;33 warnings: mention of smoking, outbursts, kissing, use of the word b@stard, I use certain words a lot so maybe it got boring. anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Wc: 0.95k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unspoken Words That Linger In The Air

- Regulus Black

Y/n L/n hated smokers, ever since she was young she'd seen her father smoke at every occasion possible. The smell of secondhand smoke became so familiar to her that it was almost nauseating.

When Sirius Black became her boyfriend, elevating from best friend's Brother to long-time crush to this, it became a rather obvious detail that he had to quit smoking.

He tried, he really did, and it worked for a while. But alas it was still his go-to coping mechanism. He couldn't let go so easily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sirius returned from his quidditch match, in which Slytherin had won against Gryffindor, and Found his girlfriend waiting in his dorm.

the other boys were still downstairs celebrating and wouldn't be up here for a while.

"How was your match?" She spoke first.

"Great, Sorry we took a little detour before coming here, didn't wanna be here after the awful loss"

"I get it," she said with a smile.

A moment passes...then another.

Slowly...

She pulled him in by the neck, smiling only slightly before kissing him as his lips curved into a smile.

He tasted sweet..

he tasted like chocolate.

Remus's chocolate, that the werewolf always refused to share but would often somehow find missing.

He tasted like strawberry.

The strawberry-flavored taffy Lily always carried in her robes for James, oblivious to the fact that he hated strawberries, they'd often end up with Sirius anyway.

And he tasted like...

.... cigarettes.

The nauseating smell came back. It hit her senses like a bludger.

She pulled back.

"you smoked again." She stated, disappointment lacing her voice delicately.

"I thought you quit" she continued and it sounded unsure, as if she was doubting it.

"y/n I-"

"did you lie to me? Or did you just pick it up again?" It sounded broken almost but still hopeful.

She didn't let him answer and instead walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He never listens" came the exasperated voice of Y/n as she sat on the deep green leather couch of the common room, the fire from the fireplace warming her just a tiny bit through the coldness of the space.

"I just don't understand how you are still dating him" said Regulus's cold voice, cutting through the brief silence.

"Alright regulus, he's not that awful"

"one moment you're complaining to me and the next you're defending him, great," he replied in a bored voice, seemingly done with the conversation.

"He's your brother Reg, You can't hate him forever" Her voice was calm, unlike Regulus's which seemed to be growing louder by the second.

"He's not me. And he was my brother, and I just don't understand how you can love him." His voice was stressed as if trying to prove a point.

"Merlin! What's your problem Regulus? I don't understand why you're always so against me and Sirius dating?" Her voice also started to raise, matching Regulus's tone.

"There. That. That's the problem y/n! Merlin! you're so stupid!."

"Excuse me-" Y/n tried to interrupt but was spoken over.

"No. he isn't even willing to quit smoking for you! What kind of a boyfriend is that? I quit because you asked me to." He tried to reason.

"Well, He's not you Regulus-" Again tried.

"Merlin! You don't understand. You don't understand what you do to me y/n. You don't understand how your smile makes me happy or how your tears make me sad. you don't understand how every time I see you smile because of that bastard, It hurts me. You don't understand how bad I want that bastard to be me-" His voice was broken, it sounded so hoarse and so broken.

"-You don't understand how Unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you I am."

His voice boomed through the common room, the two students playing exploding snap in the corner immediately stood up and went to their dorms.

"w-what?" she let out, as a whisper, no other sound could have escaped her.

But it did. in the form of a question.

"you love me?" It sounded stupid but she needed it said once more to believe it.

Regulus didn't say anything. He didn't need to.

An unspoken 'yes' lingered in the air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was past cerfew but her feet still took her to the astronomy tower.

That's where she always went after an argument with Regulus.

It was the one place she always found solace in.

As she walked up the large stairs her feet made little to no sound. Even as they halted after seeing a familiar figure come into view.

Sirius was there, smoking again.

The soft glow from the cigarette illuminated his features in a warm light.

He looked calm.

"you're smoking again" Y/n broke the silence as she leaned against the wall of the tower similar to how Sirius had been.

"It...umm gets stressful without you around." That was an excuse of a response.

"I suppose it does even when I am around" Her reply was far from sarcastic, it was true. Highlighting the fact that she'd caught the smoke a day ago as well.

"what's the matter?" Sirius could tell something was wrong, he always did.

"I had an argument with Reg..." she replied, almost ashamed at her petty fight with her best friend.

"what about?"

"what do you think?" she retorted with a question, that was the only thing that seemed plausible.

A glint of hesitance washed over his features, a moment of guilt followed after.

"was it because of me?" it came out a little louder than a whisper, seemingly too careful.

She didn't answer, she didn't need to, she simply laid her head on his shoulder, the silence spoke for itself.

And an unspoken 'yes' lingered in the air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: Not the proudest of this one but i like it Likes and reblogs always help<33

[thatdeadaquarius]

Sobbing and crying just saw your post of us sounding like a Sim, and I am DYING.

What if it went the other way? They can understand us, but we can't understand them!

Us : hey so what the fuck is happening why tf am I in genshin impact

Them : OMG ASKSKSKSKS FEDERRRALL MEERKK TREEESO! (Omg it's the divine God I'm shittinh myself oml) or whatever idk)

Us: excuse me what the fuck did you just say about my mother? (US mishearing or maybe the words are randomized? Who knows)

Everyone just being confused and frustrated on why you can't understand them. Is it because they aren't worshipping you enough? Maybe some friendship level BS where obly those who are lvl 10 can understand u or smth? Who knows, certainly not the Creator.

I highkey am thinking about writing smth for this now but having it be for like each archons reaction or smthin but who knows. I just wanna see a bunch of divine beings confused outta their mind in like whatever cities square and it turning into a "holy game of charades"

Also happy early birthday ajdjdjkdkdkdk

I”M SO LATE SO THANK YOU FOR THE BDAY WISHES LMAO SORRY KARMA MY BELOVED

AHHHHH U INSPIRED ME BY THE ARCHONS HOLY GAME OF CHARADES-

AND OH NO LVL 10 ONLY FRIENDSHIP UNDERSTANDING-

(づ ￣ ³￣)づ here have a hug for your patience- sorry karma!! :')

LMAO this inuyasha gif- obviously everyone else guessing what ur doing and the 2 others r like ppl like Venti or Kaeya who r just fucking with ppl by joining you lol

OK BUT WHO DO U HAVE LVL 10 FRIENDSHIP?!

BC I GOT NOBODY 😭

ITS RLLY HARD TO DO OKAY-

I HAVE TO PUT ACTUAL EFFORT INTO THE FEW THAT ARE LEVEL 4-5 

ID BE SO FUCKED-

Oh no.

Oh god (you??) no.

What if you had the highest friendship with little d**ks like Scaramouche.

noooOOOOOO

He’d be like, “Eh, I don’t feel like translating today.” 💀

Also I’m rolling with the idea that 

perfect understanding = lvl 10,

Most words 7-9

Some words 5-6

Kinda ?? they get 2 words per sentence or smth 3-4

Basically nothing 1-2

◇

Anyway ornery bitches like Scara/Xiao/Alhaitham/Rosaria/Diluc (all for diff reasons like diluc/xiao would just be overwhelmed and dont like ppl that much lol, whereas haitham doesnt give a fuck lmao) would kinda suck to have as translators

OH NOT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD JUST LIE ABOUT WHAT U SAID ON PURPOSE TO DECEIVE THE MASSES LIKE Heizou/Yae Miko/Kaeya/Venti 

They pull something like “oh well the god of gods said I could have the last slice of cake/an extra glass of wine hehe”

For different reasons these people would also be ROUGH translators: FISCHL OH NO- , Zhongli, Albedo (he simply would omit “unnecessary details”, cyno, ITTO PLEASE, Raiden (puppet) bc shed take stuff too far/too literally u would never be able to communicate jokes, Razor (im sorry bbyboy), Shenhe

THE CHARADDEEESSS

THE CHARADES OF THE GODS 

You may or may not get another title of a jokester god bc of these SILLY charades 💀

The people u have higher levels of friendship with giving hints LMAO

♤

“Uhhh….. Oh! Oh! Greatest Lord wishes to see a dance performance!” 

Nahida’s sweet voice rings out in Yujing Terrace, her tiny hand waving in the air like an elementary student who’s really excited to answer. …Which isn’t that far off honestly.

“Hmm, I disagree Buer, I believe the Hundun Emperor is saying they wish to take a bath perhaps. I am also attempting to use context, as it has been a long day for them.” Zhongli is in his classic “majestic thinking gentleman” pose, and you’d admire it more if it weren’t for the fact that they don’t seem to be getting what you’re saying.

You hadn’t yet found someone with a higher friendship level than 2 or 3 (hey, don’t blame yourself, you really have to put effort into friendship levels to get them anywhere and you were still busy screwing around in Sumeru when you got spirited away).

So needless to say, most people were getting “the, me, I, you, etc.” rather than the actual important keywords you needed them to, hence the godly charade game now.

As you “hold” something, you throw your hands up in the air, still keeping your hands wrapped around nothing. You think if somebody told you last week that you’d be playing charades with the archons in Genshin Impact so you could actually communicate with them… well you don’t know what you would have done. Maybe just gave them a really awkward laugh.

“Oh! Are you asking for a weapon? Akitsu Mikami, my emperor, we or our nations will surely provide protection from any harm that might befall you. Hm, I suppose we should offer something anyway… I wouldn’t want to displease them…” Ei mutters to herself, having taken over her puppet once more for the occasion.

She and Buer, still retaining their authority status, had asked for the area to be cleared in order to try and get closer to communicating with the Divine First, or you.

“Ha! What idiot would try to hurt the All-Parent in their home, unless they wish to get thrown?” Venti cheekily says, as you don’t understand him, but judging by Zhongli’s clenched jaw, Ei’s sigh, and Nahida’s giggle, you can guess.

You give your own sad sigh… it’s already been 3 hours. 😭

How hard is charades for 4 archons??

Well… apparently very hard.

You put your face in your hands, and you hear the (retired) archons start to debate something, you can tell it’s getting a little passive-aggressive between Venti and Zhongli by their tone alone. 

…Okay, now it’s just aggressive.

The archons eventually give their attention back to you so you can go back to your charades lol

You tried opening your mouth and closing it, very obvious, they can’t go wrong. 

…Turns out they can. 

Somehow you find yourself with a hot tea brewed by the geo archon. 

(Venti attempted to offer you Dandelion Wine, or Osmanthus Wine even, and only god, well you now, knows where he pulled them from. Ei swatted his head, he looked so offended, and his cheeks were all puffed up, heh.)

Giving up, you just try to motion for them to stay still, your hands gesturing like trying to calm a wild animal.

They give you questioning looks, and you begin to walk off, they all seem to immediately start discussing something with each other. All of the gods look very conflicted, and after a minute of you getting further away (yes, you’re almost home free, Xiangling here you come! ) Nahida skips to catch up with you.

She gives you a beaming smile, and you can’t bring yourself to not return it. She's so much cuter in real life, even the official art didn't do her justice.

You make your way towards the restaurant, finally.

And apparently you’re happier than you thought to smell the savory scents flowing out of the kitchen because your stomach growls loudly.

You’re too hungry to even attempt to stop it, no one will care, except Nahida’s eyes go wide. She begins to sputter, and flail her hands desperately trying to charade an apology at you.

…you were just trying to tell them you were hungry. 💀

☆

Ask box open again! :] 🎊

Pspspspspssubliminalmessagingyouwillsendthatdeadaquariusanaskpssppspspspspssss

✨️Hope you guys got smth out of this rough draft✨️ ♡

:D hope u guys have had a good weekend!

My senior art exhibit is april 6th so wish me luck and prayers (from any religion im not picky pls)

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

��the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

I watched TBOSAS today (Sunday) and I’m sadly not very well (bad cold or flu), but I wanted to try and make a little post to appreciate the film/give my thoughts.

I saw the first three Hunger Games movies on opening weekend during my teens - the only one I didn’t watch at the cinema was Mockingjay Part 2, because it coincided with my GCSE mocks and some other stuff I had going on. I saw the first one twice at the cinema, once on opening weekend with one friend and then a second time with my then-best friend a few weeks later; I saw CF and MJP1 with my younger sister on opening weekend because it’s one of the few series we both love and so it’s one of the few things we can both enjoy together. My point is that I’m a huge THG fan, have been since I read the first book in late 2011 when I was 13 - I even still have my Mockingjay pin that I bought in March 2012 from Waterstones that I still wear!

Anyway, I read TBOSAS during lockdown, my sister bought the book and let me read it after she did, so this has been one of my most anticipated movies of the year!

!Spoilers below!

I was ill when I watched it and I’m even iller now but I’ll try to remember as much as I can

I LOVED IT

I’m glad they made Coriolanus Snow hot because I felt so conflicted watching him and that’s EXACTLY what was needed for the character, he’s got this beautiful exterior but he is POISON inside

Rachel Zegler was AMAZING by the way, I’m not her biggest fan by any means but I say fuck the haters

Hunter Schafer as Tigris was AMAZING casting, she really needs to shine away from Euphoria because damn she was so good in this film

Just in general casting ATE in this movie; Viola Davis, Peter Dinklage, Jason Schwartzman etc

Tigris was spot on: “I wouldn’t sing a note for you” and pointing out that Coryo needed to get Lucy Gray’s trust in order to help her win

Arachne Crane deserved death, idc 🤷‍♀️

NO ARACHNE FUNERAL LIKE THE BOOK?!?

The fact that the tributes were just dumped in a zoo and put on display like animals?!? Compared to six and a half decades later where the tributes are glammed up and treated like royalty, even allowed to train before entering the arena??? I love how starkly different it is

I won’t lie, Lucky Flickerman stole the film whenever he was in the scene 😭😅 absolute scene stealer?!?

Lucky trying to cancel his dinner reservations on night 1 of the games because “this is taking longer than I expected” 💀

Also telling one of the mentors not to puke on the floor after their tribute was killed?!?! Iconic really

“Those drones really are not very good” - PLEASE 😭

You can definitely tell Lucky is an ancestor of Caesar lol

The bow and arrow when Coryo enters the arena?!?! 👀🏹

Coryo killing Bobbin was BRUTAL. He could have stopped after the first hit, that was self defence - but he carried on and kept hitting him. It was definitely a huge moment

I obviously knew Wovey wasn’t going to survive, but god DAMN it 😭 DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE HER SO SWEET AND LIKEABLE?!? She just wanted to go home, and those were her last words before she was killed by the snakes 😭

Coryo really cheated just so Lucy Gray could survive, and it still has me questioning whether he cares for her or if it is just to do with the Plinth prize? 🤔

“What are the Hunger Games for, Mister Snow?” And all I can think about was him explaining in the original HG movie why there’s a Victor, why they don’t just kill 24 kids at random:

THE SNAKE SCENE IN THE ARENA WHERE LUCY GRAY SINGS?!? ASDFGHJKL THIS IS CINEMA

The Games felt so much more primal and sad, like you could tell all of them were just trying to survive, even Coral who seemed to target Lucy Gray ruthlessly but then before her death made the comment that it can’t have all been for nothing…

The fact that Gaul didn’t want to call an end to the games even though Lucy Gray was the final survivor, and it was only when the other mentors were chanting to let her out, to call it, that she finally did it…

I nearly lost my shit during the first hanging scene because I suddenly remembered that THIS was what the Hanging Tree song was based on; “they strung up a man they say who murdered three” “dead man called out for his love to flee” etc. And that is EXACTLY what happened, right to a tee: the man protesting his innocence, calling for his love to go…

Listen I may be REALLY off, but the meadow where Coryo and Lucy Gray met up again… is it the same meadow from the final scene in Mockingjay P2 with Everlark and their kids?!?

It probably isn’t but it reminded me of it idk

THE KATNISS PLANT - FORESHADOWING 😭 “it’s not ready yet” “things change fast” ASDFGHJKL

SEJANUS PLINTH YOU HAVE ALWAYS DESERVED BETTER 😭 knew it was coming but I was so sad

The scene where they hang Sejanus was so chilling, because the birds (i think they were Jabberjays and not Mockingjays but I could be wrong?) repeated his blood curdling calls for help as he was hung, like I was so haunted by it afterwards

No wonder Coriolanus Snow hates the fucking birds, Jesus Christ

THE CABIN AND WOODS SCENES?!?

The absolute tonal shift when he finds the guns, when Lucy Gray remarks that she’s the only loose end as if it’s a taunt, a challenge etc.

Coriolanus running through the woods, screaming “AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU?!?” - it just SCREAMS toxic relationship quite frankly, like whether you believe there was any genuine love at all or not, it just screams how toxic the relationship was between them. It was doomed from the start frankly

I was so concerned that the film would make it clear whether or not he killed Lucy Gray, but thankfully they left it ambiguous just like the book. Did one of his bullets hit her? Did she fly free?

It’s so interesting that Lucy Gray and her games were completely and utterly wiped, there was no trace of them - but her songs, her art, survived even after she disappeared. Songs like the Meadow song and the Hanging Tree survived and were passed on through District 12, becoming part of their culture - Snow couldn’t destroy that, no matter how hard he might have tried

Someone on Twitter made this comment and I agree:

Also YES, I noticed that Tigris called him “Coryo” until their last scene together, and then it was “Coriolanus” 😭 and also the fact that she warned him not to turn into his father, his father had hate in his eyes… and then at the end, she sadly tells him “you look like your father, Coriolanus” 😭

The small little hints of the man Coriolanus Snow is in the original series though??? The roses, the Katniss plant Easter egg, etc. And then there’s the fact we see glimpses of what later became his preferred method of killing his enemies - poison. He put poison in the compact and gave it to Lucy Gray, and then he poisoned Casca Highbottom… it’s just so fascinating to think of who this young 18 year old becomes later on, the way he changed over the course of the next 64 years and how those changes came directly from what happened in this story.

Ending the film with Donald Sutherland’s delivery of “It’s the things we love the most that destroy us” from the original movies?!?! FUCK YEAH I WAS THIS CLOSE TO SCREAMING

Honestly it’s got to be VERY hard to play a younger version of a Donald Sutherland character, but especially this one because that man KILLED the part in the films, but I think Tom Blyth did a really good job and I could definitely see hints of the older Snow being included in his performance, like I could genuinely believe it was the same character?

The fact that 64 years later a dark haired girl from District 12 wearing a mockingjay pin and singing songs once sung by a girl he thought dead absolutely fucked his life up?!? We love to see it. It’s like Lucy Gray gave him a middle finger lol

I’ll be honest, as soon as we left the cinema I said to my sister “the only thing is now I want to watch the original four Hunger Games movies” 😭

That’s all I can think of right now because I’m very feverish, I’ve got work in the morning and it was also a long film so there was a LOT going on, but I absolutely LOVED IT. The Hunger Games has truly been the only franchise that has a prequel that has been nearly universally loved and accepted by the fans, Suzanne Collins is truly amazing.

[toastywatchesstevenuniverse]

S1 E45

Rose's Scabbard

Okay so I've learned a lot today.

Also this episode much like the fireworks one made me..

Very uncomfortable. But even more so than that one did.

This episode was just......really fucking sad man.

First off:

None of the gems seemed to like Greg so far (Except Amethyst) but Pearl especially seemed particularly not very fond of him. I kinda didn't think much about that. I just assumed it was because "Greg is a slob & Pearl doesn't like that he's a slob." And honestly given his current state in the show rn, I ain't exactly too fond of the man either. Though the winter episode definitely made me like him more.

But uh....now I'm starting to think Pearl's distaste for him isn't as simple as that. Because Pearl....

This whole episode Pearl was being like....

Okay look we can't word this in any other way: PEARL WAS BEING A MASSIVE HOMO™ THE ENTIRE TIME LIKE GOD DAMN SHE WAS GAY™ AS FUCK ABOUT ROSE THIS EPISODE LIKE WOAH OKAY NOW I GET WHATS GOING ON HERE. PEARL IS A MASSIVE FUCKING LESBIAN™ FOR ROSE & NOW THAT THIS REVEAL HAS HIT. Well to be honest that actually explains a lot. Like, huh, yeah actually this makes sense & explains a lot about why she's like this.

Guys when I called her a Gay™ Disaster™ all the way back in the start I wasn't expecting to actually be correct. I was like half joking when I said that????

I WAS TRYING TO BE FUNNY I WASNT TRYING TO BE A PROPHET HERE WHAT THE FUCK WHY WAS I ACTUALLY CORRECT¿???????¿¿¿¿¿???

I WAS JUST BEING A GOOF WHY DID I END UP HAVING THE GIFT OF PROPHECY???? FUCK OFF APOLLO.

PEARL & ROSE WERE APPARENTLY 'VERY CLOSE FRIENDS'. ROOMMATES OR WHATNOT. SHE EVEN FUCKING BLUSHED & HAD THE QUEER™ EYELASHES. DAMN PEARL I THINK YOU MIGHT BE SUFFERING FROM A CASE OF BEING A FUCKING SIMP, YOU FUCKING LESBIAN™.

MY GAYDAR™ IS OFF THE CHARTS RIGHT NOW. THIS MF IS GAY™ AS FUCK. 💀 THIS IS BEYOND NORMAL GAY™. THIS IS ADVANCED GAY™.

So idk what happened that led to Rose vetting with Greg but yeah, suddenly I'm realizing Pearl disliking Greg is definitely a case of her being....

Well. And excuse me for the vulgar metaphor here but I can't resist.

Pearl is bitter because Greg was the one who got to put the sword in Rose's Scabbard when she wanted to put her sword in there in the first place.

And honestly if I lost out to someone like Greg who....let's face it is kind of a pretty shit dad so far. Yeah I'd be bitter too. It actually makes the fact she's the one trying the hardest to be Steven's mother make more sense & honeslty it makes her even more sympathetic. He's the closest thing she has left of Rose & the fact she's so caring & all just....if Rose had to sacrifice herself for Steven to exist, the fact Pearl isn't resentful towards Steven at all for that is so nice. Because it'd be so easy for the writers to just have her be like that for cheap drama but no, they don't. Thank you for that writers. That's so wise to avoid that bullshit bc I'd hate this episode if they went that direction....look idk how to word this rn but damn Pearl has some serious emotional issues. And Amethyst had some trauma reveal a few episodes ago too....

So if this pattern continues....

Guys I don't even know if I want to find out what fucked up shit Garnet is going through because I feel like hers is probably gonna be the most fucked up of the lot. Like I don't even think I WANT to find out what shit she's carrying in her head. I mean....like, fuck all of these people need therapy & a hug.

Anyways Pearl was definitely being shitty by the halfway mark (I mean what she said to Steven was legit fucked up I ain't gonna lie, like, damn, you said that to a CHILD, Pearl. Holy shit. I get that you're upset about the wife thing but he's literally a child I think he's probably upset about his mom being gone just as much as you are.) but y'know-

Okay quick side note: Amethyst I get that Pearl was being shitty but you have no right to be talking shit about her like you didn't just do some pretty fucked up shit just a couple episodes ago. Neither of y'all are in ANY position to be acting all high & mighty. Pearl just SAID something but you straight up fucking used your transformation magic to torment a man about his dead wife. You don't have any fucking high ground here girl. Garnet is the only one of you that has any room to be acting above it. She hasn't done anything like that so far so she's the only one that gets to talk shit. Sit tf down ma'am.

ahem, anyways Amethyst was being shitty too just a bit ago. And like I said then: when you're that mentally fucked it leads to that kinda behavior. It's not an excuse but it does mean you know there's a legit reason for why they'd act out like this. And it's not entirely their fault that they have a tendency to be that irrational. But Pearl, like Amethyst, you can tell she felt remorse.

Again, the way they resolve it without a drawn out argument...but instead it's just Pearl openly showing her vulnerability & Steven just showing her a sign of affection. No argument. No yelling. Just a genuine moment of sincere emotion. Steven understood. While what she said was horrible, he gets why she said it. They both miss her. But they have eahcother. I am going to fucking sob typing this oh my god.

Yeah this episode made me cry a lot. Absolutely stellar episode. And the ending was just beautiful.

Further cementing the fact that Pearl is my favorite. I can't wait to see how much the show uses her emotional baggage to rip my heart in half & stomp on it mercilessly.

Second best episode of the entire show so far. Only just slightly behind 'On The Run'. (That one just hit me on a more personal level so it still has my heart by the throat.)

[silvyysthings]

Sorry for the crazy rambling but i need to put it out somewhere (jsyk i don't even read your answers, probably very condescending).

News flash : Timmy went back once again to fucking Daniella. Things seem to be very chaotic between them and i think everytime they're back on, she criticizes him for not being invested enough and basically just wanting to fuck her.

Like, a few days ago when T posted the chanel pics they were back on (she liked some pics, none of Armie's friends did), then Ryan posted a meme about passive aggressiveness (aka "it's fine") and one about a "Deluxe model".

Then just 2-3 days later, things seemed to turn sour between T&D : jps posted "let us leave pretty women to men with no imagination" and "don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it, because what the world needs is people who have come alive". Tyler also reposted a video with someone saying "i love you but i release you (...)" with the caption "i would love to see this dude try this" (could be referring to T telling this to D, although to me he doesn't actually love her). Ryan posted a meme that made me laugh: "anyway if both my unions are on strike, and you see my feet on Onlyfans, no you didn't" (cause at the same time this is all happening, a&t are still in contact, but a doesn't wanna have his heart broken up again by t admitting to him that he's back with d).

Then we got jps posting about someone not doing what they're supposed to do by fear (in this context referring to Tim being honest and leaving D once for all) : "fear is incomplete knowledge" , "a man grows most tired by standing still" and " a day can really slip by when you're avoiding what you're supposed to do".

Now, one thing that really surprised me is that Stéphane seems to be pushing that relationship between D and T : Yesterday and the day before, he posted stories at the EXACT same time D made her posts (once, it could have been a coincidence, not twice), as in to show Timmy that he's on her side.

But finally, you wanna know what i believe happened (like yesterday)?

Timmy as the dumbfuck that he is, went back once again to her 💀

He obviously told Armie, who then told Ryan, hence his meme this morning of the american guy saying "no thanks" to a brain.

He also told jps who just posted : "the man who lies to himself can be more easily offedend that anyone" and "everybody said follow your heart, i did, it got broken".

So yeah, Timmy prefers to lie to himself and pretend to his friends that he loves this girl, than being honest and vulnerable and go back with his one true love.

Hi Daniella how was your weekend? Busy I saw and I fear you forgot to take your pills ... AGAIN!!!

One thing that I don't understand in all this delirium is : how the poor ryan can know what timmy does every time in real time ? 🤭🤔

Thank you, this is the better way to start the week , you never disappoint me🥴

[giggly-squiggily]

Hey friend 👋

Just wanted to rant about AFOTAR a bit lol. Don’t judge me, my favorite character is Eris. I know that might seem a little iffy, but really he’s just a traumatized baby that wears a mask just like Rhys. He and Rhysand are basically the same people except Eris has no safe place, no inner circle. Makes me so sad and I wanna hug him!!! And really, half the inner circle just doesn’t like Eris because he left Mor to die. But really, death for her was better than being shackled to the Autumn court, right? He didn’t want Mor to suffer the same fate as his mother and I just love him for that ❤️

Also, I saw you haven’t read the last two spinoffish books. I haven’t read the last one either so we’re both on the same page pretty much! Anyway friend I’m so excited to rant to you about these characters and share my little headcannons for them!

Hey friend! :D Let’s go, ACOTAR thoughts!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Bestie you almost had me at that- I can’t lie 💀 ERIS??? I won’t judge- mainly cause I have my own onslaught of questionable favorites in books and also cause it’s been forever since I read the trilogy- but ERIS??? (Lucien’s hotter gonna be real-)

I can see your reasoning though! While I don’t think I myself will ever like anyone from the Autumn court besides Lucien- Eris’s choices did eventually lead to Mor having a better home in the end. I wouldn’t wanna marry into that court either. Death would be more preferable compared to the court.

All and all: I’m happy you’re so fond of him- and you’ve given me a new perspective of his character I never really considered. If you said Tamlin, we would have some problems /j but yeah- more power to you, friend! 🥰🥰🥰 I hope he gets that support group he desperately needs eventually!

I’m thrilled to bits having you come by and rant about the books to me! There’s so many great things within, and I love hearing your takes on characters I’ve never given much thought of before! :) I’d love to hear more of your thoughts, so please feel free to come by and chat whenever your heart desires!

[creedslove]

fanfact: there were rumors at the time about Pedro dating Teresa’s actress (sorry but I don’t remember her name) even though they were never confirmed and there are photos of him out with her and playing with her child (the child was her husband’s (at least I hope so LMAO)). I was stalking Pedro’s ig one day and I went back to old photos and I’ve found a photo from 2014/15 with Pedro with a female friend. The first comment that came out was from Teresa’s actress and she wrote something like “who is she?”. I’m sorry but I laughed so hard at that💀 she sounded so psycho-maniac LOL. Like girl?? he is not you bf or smth like that what do you care who she is? And if Teresa’s actress was really her ex that would be so stalking vibes LMAO. Can you imagine your ex going under your post and being like “who’s that girl with you????”. Plus not gonna lie, a lot of people say that the actress who play Teresa is sooo beautiful. Honestly she scares the shit out of me with those crazy wide eyes. She gives Nicholas Cage vibes.

LMAOOOO

Tbh the only rumors about Pedro's ex girlfriends I believe are the woman from GOT and Lily Rabe because he was so close to them, like all the time and then suddenly he never interacted with them again; like Lily for example, they follow each other but they don't interact at all, so I'm guessing that if they were only friends and nothing happened to ruin their friendships they'd still be around you know?

But anyway, that's kinda cringy, however I did have an ex girlfriend who did the exactly same thing, she would see OLD pictures of me with friends or co-workers or even relatives and whatever and she would question me about it! She would get jealous of people liking or commenting my pictures (they were my friends) and omg she would get jealous of ANONS sending me ASKS!!!

And fun fact: she was the one who cheated by kissing another guy and then the guy himself went on my Facebook page and texted me because he thought it wasn't fair she had lied to me 💀😰

AND OMG ABOUT HER LOOKS YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT!!!? A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO I WAS TALKING TO A GIRL AT WORK WHO LOVES THE MENTALIST AND I MENTIONED PEDRO AND SHE DIDNT KNOW HE WAS PIKE AND THEN I SAID "WELL I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LET AN UGLY WOMAN BREAK HIS HEART" AND SHE ARGUED WITH ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT TERESA WAS BEAUTIFUL???

LIKE IDK, I KNEW MENTALIST EXISTED BEFORE PEDRO AND I HAD SEEN THE GUY WHO PLAYS JANE BECAUSE HE WAS BFF WITH LIEV SCHREIBER MY OLD HUSBAND LMAOF AND THERE ARE SEVERAL PICS OF THEM AT THE BEACH TOGETHER AND I NEVER THOUGHT JANE WAS ATTRACTIVE AND THE TIMES I SAW TERESA ON SCREEN WHILE SKIPPING CHANNELS I NEVER THOUGHT SHE WAS ATTRACTIVE EITHER!

Like, idk, my problem is not even her eyes, I don't know how to explain because I don't think we have an expression for this in English like we do in my country, but to me she's got an expression that she seems to be constantly mocking or looking down on people you know what I mean? And omg her voice is so annoying and the way she speaks she sounds like Pedro's SNL LA way of talking like sama sama sama sama LMAO

Anyway, thanks for trash talking Teresa with me in order to give Marcus Pike justice 🤝

[anakinskywalkerog]

omg no way tumblr never bothered to tell me you replied. plus why is nothing showing up in my following feed??? a bone to pick for next time ig

ahaha i missed this too you're so good with advice! ❤ and thank you hehe i have been informed the new pfp it a character calld lust from an anime called fullmetal alchemist, but i just like the aesthetic

it really is and thank youuuuu! im sure it will! *sends ✨good luck✨*

hmm i dont wanna obsess over han at all, because first of all, ELI! that would be unfair. and han is sort of crazy, anyways. i am listening to i can see you from speak now tv but i shouldnt because it reminds me of han. it also reminds me of anakin. very anakincore track. i cant help it though, i can see you is so good, although it gives more of a reputation vibe than speak now tbh. still love it anyways and thank mother taylor for it. are you enjoying speak now tv? what's your favourite track? i think im enjoying mine, mean and back to december, but everything is ofc v nice! wish we had a mine pop mix tv and some more beat to enchanted, but its perfect as it is!

yess "there will be plenty more guys 😂 trust me." that's exactly what i thought, too! like, he's here now, but someday there's going to be someone else EXACTLY like that. although it might not be so bad if i did make a decision influenced by him because he and i have a similar objective - physics/engineering degree at oxford/cambridge so its a win-win no matter which way i go ig. plus we're academic rivals. competition is the norm for us. but about intrigue with han...

"oh? whos your friend? (i asked han to pose for one of my snaps hehe) is this friend good-looking?"

... dude? like, WHAT? that sounds like pretty blatant flirting to me.

but lets not forget that once we were in the corridor and bro leaned in super close (keep in mind this was months ago and this was in the middle of like 15 other people anyways) and i leaned away out of reflex 😂 i think he looked at me later with a very patronizingly disappointed

kinda expression. i think that was a test, and i failed miserably but thats fine 💀

eli really is we even have loads of similar interests!

yw and sameee! it is hehe she even send me memes and is a pedro pascal stan (as she should. pedro pascal is an icon. love him) ! very happy with that

oh no, is everything okay? can i do anything to help? if it helps, my life is only peaceful because i am in isolation from all friends, hehe i need time to regenerate. i am an ambivert at heart. my extrovert meter needs to recharge lmaooo

also, a part of me wonders if cranberry is mad at me? basically, he aksed me to write a steamy story abt him and han (thyre best friends) and didnt want his gf to find out incase she thought he was weird (bro she already does. shes ur gf. she knows what weird she signed up for smh)

anyways i made a small oopsie. i asked some people to critique it for me, and one of those poeple may have been the girl from my diary, whos friends with cranberry's gf, and who previously told machete i liked him when i wanted it to be a scret and explicitly told her so, and the one who i knew cannot be trusted with secrets because she will tell someone and lie about it 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

anyways cranberry was annoyed (and understandably so.) he said his gf was mad at him (impossible - if she was, shed be mad at ME first cos thats how women are. better than revenge is living proof. but she isnt! ) and i get it, but then people stop being mad, right? i mean, ive been really mad at him too, for a variety of reasons. i forgave him though and he didnt even apologize like i did! but he seemed normal at prom perhaps a bit icy? a guy friend told me im overthinkinngit and while he may have been annoyed it doesnt mean hd stop being friends with me or anything, and that he definitely wouldnt stay mad because its not a big deal.

but i texted him cranberry with a pretty obvious joke and he didnt even find it funny??? like thats HIS sort of joke??? how does he ot find that funny??? my friend says he must be mad then, but says theres the chance he just didnt find it funny?

like, i get it, but i want to make amends! and i wont even see cranberry in person so i can never tell. but if he was mad, he wouldve blocked me, or left me on delivered, or just opened. but he even sees my stories n stuff!

plus his friends would be mad if something happened. like guys are super gangy like that. but his friends are not mad at all, like han and this other guy are totally normal and no one sad that. even when han brought it up the day after the whole thing, he didnt imply it was serious and just dropped it after joking around abt it.

my friend did say if i was friends with cranberrys friends, it doesnt mean they have to be mad, but what if cranberry and his gf broke up over something as stupid as a joke???? and it was my fault??? i would feel awful and i cant even tell or say sorry.

nor can i ask han over text cos then hed tell cranberry and itd be weird. and i cant ask eli cos i dont want to set a bad rep.

he texted about it and i delved into a tiny argument he said its fine but "just think more next time". i think he and han both know i didnt mean for this to happen and that it was a genuine accident, but people gte hurt over things even if they know it wasnt meant to hurt them. shoulve said no is proof of this.

but they did send me a video of them reading the story together [cranberry and his friends, it was han who filmed (i did ask them to film their reaction)] and cranberry was cracking up as he read it! if he was mad he wouldve abandoned it. but they sill seemed to love it. surely if cranberry was mad at me, then that wouldnt have happened?

jesus christ, thats LONG. i apologize for troubling you, i didnt think itd get this long! its just been on my mind :( ironically it happened yesterday just after i was so happy. ugh. boys are awful

yes haha thank youuu :) if you're okay with my constant somewhat accidental drama dumps, i definitely will :D

love you and stay safe x

hi sythe so sorry it took me so long to respond to this!

I hope all is well with Eli. but GIRL have I been listening to “I Can See You” sooooo much it’s literally the delulu girl anthem! I love it. having a little crush on Han just adds some spice!! there’s nothing wrong with a little seasoning to an otherwise boring existence 😂

I am okay 🩵 just really been struggling with my OCD lately. I hope it gets better soon.

no fuckinf WAY cranberry asked you to write a steamy story!!? girl that is NOT platonic. what are these men doing out here 😂😂😂😂 but I agree, very unlikely that he is mad at you

I love the drama dumps, I wish we could vent together for real because I have been ALL over the place with my drama lately 😅 but it’s fine, it adds the comedy. i’m watching my own life like a work of absurdism. I would absolutely recommend that strategy.

[sunatoru]

SOBSSOBSSOBSSOBS OK I MAY BE A MONTH LATE TO THIS BUT LISTEN MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE THE END SO SOON 😭 Also so many things happened and I've been trying to find the right moment and atmosphere to read the end yk? I'm still sorry for being so late to it bc of smth weird sksksjsksksk OK ANYWAYS—

Y/N IS HEALING SO NATURE IS ALSO HEALING BUT I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER LIKE GIRLY CAN'T EVEN GO OUT OF THE WATER WITHOUT THE TRAUMA ANDD IT'S SO SAD LIKE ACTUALLY— BUT I'M SO GLAD SHE'S GETTING HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER AND THE RELATIONS OF MERMAIDS AND SIRENS ARE GETTING BETTER 🥺 , my god it's so nice to see her a ok 🥲 I mean not AS ok as she was pre rin but yk and the way she's now more cautious of red flags and stuff like damn you know she was hurt BADLY for that, but at least her tail isn't a skinny chicken bone 😭😭😭 no more are the days of pirates and hurt, just yn doing cute yn things with her boyfie

SPEAKING OF HER BOYFIE, MERMAN KITA LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO YES 100% THE BEST CHOICE I SUPPORT THIS DECISION and like it feels like I kinda added something to the final decision to have kita as the true luvr boy but if it's not true then let me live in a lie just this once 👉👈 okokok back to him, HE IS SO SWEET OMG LIKE GIVING HER DIFFERENT ROCKS LIKE C'MON— 😭 I JUST IMAGINE HIM ON LIKE A JOURNEY OR SMTH AND WHEN THE MER PEOPLE FROM OTHER KINGDOMS GIVE HIM SOUVENIRS HE ASKS FOR ANOTHER SET FOR HIS SIREN GF 🥺🥺🥺 ACK MY HEART— Gosh, the way he knew he should be cautious of Rin despite being long time best friends bc he acknowledged that what Rin did was shit and will absolutely hold it above him for the rest of time (probably) like Ugh can he BE anymore doting???? And don't get me started on how he waited for her to be comfortable with coming out of her shell again

THEN RINTAROU SUNARIN TAROUSUNA HOW'S IT BEEN???? I have major questions abt like what was he doing in the shack or maybe it's his now? Like maybe the woman wasn't actually a mer person who lives above water and she yk 💀 idk but anyways, I can't believe I felt smth when he put his hand on Y/N's cheek like GURL What I thinking but GOD I can feel the way he still loves her and regrets what he did all those years ago, how he inspected her face to see if there's any remnants of his past mistakes but also to remember the face he fell for so long aho and how stupid he was to ever cause pain to it (or not but that's my HC and I will die beside it) he is such a little wet napkin aksksksksk the way he was shocked when he saw Kita made me chuckle a bit to cope </333 but it's nice to know that he was really ready to lay down his life for forgiveness, it shows that he REALLY thought about what he did and I think that's admirable

THIS WHOLE SERIES WAS A ROLLER COASTER MAN, THE STAR CROSSED LOVERS STORY TURNING INTO A BETRAYAL THRILLER AND FINALLY TO A TALE (TAIL heh) OF HEALING AND PAST REGRETS I'M IN LOVE, How it started with a love you think could work if they fight for it hard enough to a love you think shouldn't be after the actions of one to a love you know could never be yet something that could teach someone the importance of cherishing those you care about no matter your selfish desires. MAN THIS STORY IS MAKING ME SPOUT OUT POET SADNESS like actually it's just such a nice story and the fact that it doesn't end with them getting back together the right way this time gives it a sense of bittersweet endings, Rin might still love her but YN loves Shin now, yet that doesn't mean the love she had for Rin was something she'd forget about, it was part of who she is today and the times when they truly did seem in love were happy moments. YN understanding that her experiences changed her for better or worse, but it taught her so much and it led her to Shin. This feels so bittersweet and I can't have it any other way :) This series is amazing and I hope you continue to write in ways that could invoke the old man writing with a feather pen in an old study in people (specifically me)

P.S ACK OK I WANNA SAY AGAIN THAT I'M SORRY FOR BEING LATE BUT I KNEW THE SECOND IT WAS POSTED BUT HAVE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF BC IT'S THE END END LIKE 😭😭😭 My heart— And and I decided to not ask on anon bc of the last ask I sent so 👉👈 I MEAN It feels so good to like be brave enough to yk be known but like I was also scared like how am I gonna prove it's actually me 💀 but I decided to just do it :)) AND ONE MORE THING I really do wanna reblog this series to my hearts contents but I feel bad for endlessly reblogging stories while I still don't have a masterlist cause I imagine people seeing smth I write and going to my blog to see what else I write and having to scroll through a mountain's worth of reblog just to get to my little pool of drabbles 😭 But I'm working on that masterlist so uh watch out for them reblogs from yours truly 💕 Anyways,see you in the next Suna redemption arc maybe 🙏

WAAAAAAAAAA IM SORRY I DISAPPEARED AND LEFT THIS ASK TO COLLECT DUST IN MY INBOX!!!! ALSO VERY NICE TO MEET YOU OFF OF ANON!

ngl you kinda did give me the idea to make yn get with kita 🤭🤭🤭 like after your asks i was like “omg… anon’s onto something holy shit” and their dynamic was so good 🥹

I ACTUALLY HAVE PLANS FOR MR MERMAID!SUNA but i think we (me) all need to be very patient before it gets released 😞 AND YOUR HC ABOUT HIM ARE KINDA SPOT ON WITH BOTDB CANON NGL, we will definitely see more of him, his past and the years without yn soon 🥸

thank you so much for your constant kind asks and the length is always huge omg (in a good way) it makes me so happy and excited to keep writing!! LIKE GENUINELY YOUR ASKS WERE ONE OF MY BIGGEST MOTIVATORS FOR BOTTOM OF THE DEEP BLUEEEEE THANK YOU SO MUCH AAAAAAA

[maiseui]

EW THIS FIC WAS SO BAD 👎👎👎 BOOO 🍅🍅🙄🙄👎👎👎 FUCK IM KIDDING IM KIDDING THIS WAS JUST 😫😫😫😫😫‼️‼️ LIKE THIS WAS SOOOO 🤩🤩🤩😍😍😙😚🤪 LIKE JUSTTTTTT 🤩🤩🤩 JUST EVERYRHINGGGVVVG THAT I NEEDED?????

in a word: charming. this fic is so so fucking charming. i love that it’s not your typical academic rivals where they’re in high school and they’re screaming at each other in the face (wait i’m describing my own fic); instead, you took a much more tender and profound approach. everything that led up to the establishment of the bet was so fucking thrilling and exciting and made me feel really giddy - specifically how heeseung wasn’t able to admit his crush on her and she kept wandering her way back to the court (Girl I Get it 💀) and their conversations just felt so electric like there was so much brimming underneath 😫😫 LITERALLY CHEFS KISS. i fuckimg DIED when he took that leap of faith and asked her out and the concept about it all being about timing echoed right into the end of the story — TIMING. ITS ALL ABOUT TIMING. IM JUST GOING TO LIE HERE AND STARE AT MY CEILING AND KEEP THINKING ABOUT THOSE WORDS. i also couldn’t help but fucking die when he kissed her fingers when she stopped him from KISSING HIM AND THEN HE STARTED DOING REALLY WELL IN BBALL AND HIS FEINSDS WERE TALIING AB IT BUT WHEN THE GAME FINALLY CAME AROUND AND FUKING HANBIN WAS HOLDING HER HAND LEADING THE WAY TO HIS SEAT HEESEUNG COINCIDENTALLY STARTED FLOPPING ON THE COURT???!&$@8:$@ ) HSJJDAKS FUCK I really did wince when he fell onto his knee bc that sounds like it hurt BUT i’m glad he got a lil makeout from that <333 SEE heeseung i’m sure it wasn’t that painful after all <3333 (btw that makeout scene was so SO SO PRETTILY WRITTEN I REALLY ENJOYED IT,,, LIKE MY GOD I JUST LOVE THE WAY yn’s feelings slowly built up from the beginning and we could see the way her heart slowly opened up 🥹🥹🥹🥹 SO FUCKING CUTE IM IN LOVE W THESE TWO)

sorry i don’t think i’m rlly adding much to this but i just want to say that i really fuckimg loved this fic bc you write so beautifully and i adore your style here - it really felt like you resonated with the thoughts of your characters?? i especially loved the way you wrote about jumping from 98 to 100 and how the difference is minute but the ability to jump from one to the other is gobsmackingly substantial. it felt like she really understood heeseung in that part, and also toward the end when he was crushed bc of the game. i think my fave thing ab yn was that she really seemed to understand heeseung (and vice versa) which made their feelings feel a lot more real and honest and BEAUTIFUL. (also the “i think i’m falling in love w u” GL DIE I FUCKING GASPED)

anyway you wrote this so so so well and i’m so happy w the way it turned out ❤️❤️❤️❤️ u deserve many head pats for this and i’m so proud of u HEHEH this was seriously so good and honestly imma fr start rioting if i don’t get this type of heeseung in my life soon 💔💔💔

FAIR AND SQUARE › lhs

SYNOPSIS › one thing about life— it's unpredictable. for example, you made a note to yourself about not associating too much with heeseung for your own peace of mind, letting him stay as the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, except one thing leads to another and you find yourself face to face with the said man with your feelings all over the place. a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition, let the game begin.

WORD COUNT › 20.2k

GENRE › academic rivals / friends to lovers, mutual pinning because they're just competitive and oblivious ft in denial, fem reader, quite the 'he fell first but she fell harder' thing eye guess . . .

WARNINGS › mentions drinking, sheds light on family issues ( mostly on the reader's side ) bruise and injury, slightest of angst, arguments, suggestive ( fourth section, towards the end ) profanities, let me know if you spot more

PLAYLIST › tune in for a better experience

NOTE ��� i love this fic with all my heart and lungs, even more. anyway, i'm sorry to academic rivals fans, this doesn't have academic blood and gore, as quoted by my dear mai. SPEAKING OF MAI EVERYONE THANK @maiverie FOR BETAREADING THIS FIC!!!!!! im not lying when i say i wouldn't have finished writing this yesterday if it wasn't for her, like thank u for ur super helpful review that got my brain juices flowing :< luv u fr. ALSO both heeseung and reader are taking post grad course so of course, they're aged up ( no ages specified ) have fun reading.

I. BANE OF EXISTENCE

one thing about life— it’s unpredictable. 

for example, you’re in the library writing and reading papers on the topic you love, the one that you’re supposed to enjoy and the one that will become the reason behind your earnings in the near future, but here you are, sitting with a headache and a cup of coffee on the side. who knew the subject you've liked since grade one will betray you and become the potential bane of your existence? not you, surely enough. wednesday noons are for basketball matches, which explains why the library and hallways are quieter and emptier than usual. even the teachers make time for the tournaments off their busy schedules, it’s understandable— your university is known for having one of the best sports teams in the league, and the basketball team being the defending champions does nothing but fuel the pride of students and staffs as if they’re the ones on the court, trying to get the ball in the basket.

you wouldn’t say you don’t like being a part of the crowd because you’ve been to the badminton tournaments and know that watching matches is as interesting as playing, if not more. you just don’t have the time to attend any. with assignments piling up and exams ‘round the corner, you’d rather spend your last two months of the semester studying instead of yelling at the bleachers. you can always get the recordings if you ever feel like watching one, as for the results, the word goes around faster in your department than anywhere else, all because of one of the students being on the team. 

you try focusing, you really do, but your cup is just as empty as your brain and your phone is going up with notifications. you don’t see the point of miyeon spamming the gc with updates on the match when everyone in the group, except you, is with her, watching and cheering alongside. muting is a choice which you choose not to do, and the reason is between you and god, to be honest. long story short, it’s the lack of motivation clogging your thought process and the realisation that your friends are out there enjoying themselves unlike you is blocking any means of logical thinking. a day or two spent not studying wouldn’t make you fail the classes, and even if the guilt is pooling inside, you pack your stuff and walk out of the library, making your way to the indoor basketball court. 

the screams grow louder as you approach, each step reminding you that you still can go back as you choose to ignore it. exams can wait, you tell yourself, a day to myself can’t. your mother would tell you to take breaks and go out instead of studying all day, but being on top is an addiction. it’s no good, you wish other students would believe you, it’s a struggle, on the top, at the bottom, everywhere. you expect to turn a few heads as soon as you walk inside, which doesn’t happen, but you expected it. you don’t watch matches, this could easily be your third or fourth one, and the first basketball match, to be more specific. once you realise that everyone is busy watching the plays instead of noticing who comes and goes from the court, you make your way up to the one friend you manage to spot amidst the crowd— sung hanbin. indoor bleachers feel more compact than the outdoor ones. you've been to the football match last semester, courtesy of miyeon, and everything being outdoors really helps with the crowd and noise. 

“didn’t expect to see you here,” hanbin stands next to you, offering you a sip or two from his drink, which you politely refuse, eyes fixed on the court as if it was the home they’ve been searching for. “i thought you hate heeseung,” it isn’t until he takes his name that your gaze averts to heeseung. you don’t even know why hanbin would outright assume you’re here for heeseung. in fact, that man’s name didn’t even cross your mind until he was mentioned.

“hate is a big word, ‘bin,” your words are more of a whisper laced with hesitation, as if you aren’t sure of what you’re saying. hate, actually, is a very big and heavy word. despite its constant usage with your friends, you realise the weight it holds and the impact it has. hate and dislike— they’re different and yet similar enough to be used synonymously at times. not by you, of course, you have a clear distinction between the two, and as of now, you don’t know if what you feel for heeseung is a mere dislike or pure hatred. “i just don’t like him,” 

when he successfully shoots a three-pointer, you come to the decision that you definitely don’t hate him. heeseung is, more or less, the typical all-rounder straight-A student, the jack of all trades and fortunately enough, the master of all as well. he's the student teachers use as an example, the son parents wish for, the boyfriend people wished they had. lee heeseung is many things, and one of those is being the reason why you have the second highest score in your department instead of the first position, unlike how it used to be two semesters ago. 

heeseung transferred departments about thirty weeks ago, from chemistry to bioinformatics. it had been surprising on your side because not many opted for bioinformatics until they were certain of their goal. the course in itself is vast, like an ocean of several different fields and each and every one of them opens a door to a different outcome. bioinformatics isn’t something students picked overnight just because it had the vacancy and they didn’t like their initially chosen courses. as fun as the subject sounds, it demands consistency and time, something that heeseung lacks. you had seen him attend classes the first few weeks regularly, and then the ghost of him started sitting on the empty seat that belongs to him. skipping classes, arriving late, delayed submission of a couple of projects— you knew he wasn’t here to stay. it was to pass time, or whatever, you couldn’t care, didn’t care, not until he started acing the tests, practically dethroning you from your infamous ‘perfect all kill’ title that you had for getting nothing less than a perfect score, most of the time, give and take a few here and there. 

you still get good scores, amazing even, full score in theory and the same in practicals. it’s going well in lab manuals and project works but heeseung seems to get a perfect score in those too, something you started missing ever since he came into the picture. perhaps, it was something in the way he phrased his essays— you hoped it was. rumour has it that heeseung used to be a literature student, which could explain his outstanding english skills and his eloquent way of speaking. you even looked up his debate videos on youtube only to find more evidence on how skilled he is in public speaking. 

but above all, heeseung is, actually, just a really damn annoying student, quite literally the bane of your existence. he’s always set on stealing people’s spotlight during lessons, with you being the people, obviously, always answering questions with information that’s unrelated and probably even unnecessary. and for the shortest time, you even considered taking him off your ‘things i hate’ list because you were no different in highschool. when you’re the top student, it becomes a habit to talk about things as if you know them in your bones and impress teachers. hell, you even had rivals in highschool, although none of them got on your nerves the way heeseung does. basically, he has no reason to call you by weird names everytime you both pass each other in the hallways, or remind you that he’s the top student. ‘this is the vice-captain of the basketball team and the best student of the biotechnology department, lee heeseung, informing you on the up—’ seriously, no one wants to hear him introduce himself like that when you’re around. you’re pretty sure it’s engraved inside your brain with the amount of times he repeats it everyday. minjeong even says that heeseung is becoming more and more like sunghoon, and you would not know how or why because you didn’t attend highschool with sunghoon, unlike her. 

the court flares up with cheers when heeseung goes for a dunk which ultimately leads to their team winning the match, and you reach the conclusion that maybe you don’t hate heeseung but actually want to bang his head against the walls. your eyes follow him around the court, analysing his conduct during the match, the way he communicates so effortlessly with teammates using hand signs or quick phrases, the way he holds the team together when the ball is with him, despite not being the captain. heeseung might be the most unbearable person you’ve met so far, he’s actually just fine when his target is not you. you’re sure any other player is doing just as good but nothing comes close to how you see heeseung. it’s different, the light he is in, it’s unique, incredible, and inexplicably addictive. heeseung juggles between classes and basketball, you remember sunghoon talking about his part-time job when you passed by their lockers the other day. he doesn’t have it easy, you don’t either, but you had those all perfect kills by spending hours in your study while heeseung does better than you while winning matches, making money. 

it doesn’t take you long to realise that what you have for him could be dislike with a hint of jealousy, and you wonder if all the people would react the same way once they know who heeseung really is— a devil behind an angelic face, one who deliberately likes ruining things for you, as if his life depends on it. you still remember the day he personally texted you the wrong syllabus for a test, claiming that it had been updated and the professor had asked him to notify everyone. ‘and as you know, i have not been added in the group chat yet so i’m texting everyone personally,’ he had lied ever so smoothly as if his words consist of nothing but truth, as if lies are something he hasn’t even heard of. kudos to you for studying the original and correct syllabi beforehand, you still aced the test, if heeseung scoring the first rank is overlooked. 

you’re dragged back from your thoughts to the reality when a boy bumps into you while hurrying down to the players, hoping to get noticed. half of the students act like the team is actually a boy-band, you can see them on the front page of every single edition of university magazine. usually, you prefer waiting for the crowd to disperse before taking your leave from wherever you are, but a sudden reminder about the tests over text from your professor gives you a reason to leave early, all to make sure you could catch up to heeseung. you rush your way out of the bleachers once the teams start leaving the court, eyes fixed on heeseung to take a note of the direction he leaves. hanbin gives you a confused look before the words find their way out of his mouth. “where are you going?” 

“basketball shower room,” and your words could give him, and the other people who might’ve heard you, a wrong idea but you couldn’t care less. the goal was to see heeseung before he leaves the campus, which was highly likely because no one has it in them to attend four hours of classes after an exhausting match, not even heeseung, no matter how amazing he is. 

you make your way through the ocean of people, bumping into a few in the process as you make your way to the club room. a silent profanity leaves your mouth once you realise that the club room entrance might be filled with fangirls and boys, left and right, and the thought of shuffling your way out of the crowd to meet heeseung makes you reconsider your actions. heeseung might be a star student but isn’t amazing enough for you to step out of your comfort zone and do things to see him. 

“well, this is surprising,” your voice manages to turn his head towards the door. “thought you’d be busy with your fangirls, lee,” and it is surprising indeed because the hallways are unexpectedly empty with only a few people around. you would say they learnt to give the players their space after a game but that would be a lie considering the embarrassing history of students when it comes to people on the sports team. 

“they’re probably busy with jake,” heeseung responds with a smile, and even though he turns to his locker just as quickly, you could see the smile dancing on the corner of his lips. 

jake is rather a new player, a junior to be specific, and jay personally spent days waiting outside the physics department to get the guy on the basketball team. explains why he’s popular amidst students, he’s talented, good at studies— seriously, you wouldn’t understand how these people manage academics with sports. you couldn’t, and even if you managed to, you would end up passing out every few days. “does it suck to lose your fan-following to a newbie?” 

“not really. i still have you here,” heeseung wouldn’t call it ‘losing’ his fan-following because he’s using jake as bait to escape the crowd of students as quickly as possible. a junior has to make sacrifices, in this case it’s to save heeseung by sacrificing himself to the public. although, saying that he still has you looking for him even though a hundred others aren’t makes him feel better about himself. “no but seriously, what did you come here for?” 

“oh, it’s for the test on friday,” you pull out your phone, opening the group chat with the professor and the students who took the same course. it’s laughable how the universe put you in the exact same situation twice, although with the tables turned this time, and it takes everything in you to not tell him a made-up, wrong syllabi, and do what is rational. “the syllabi was extended up to chapter fourteen, till page three-ninety-seven. they sent it in the group chat this morning but i’m sure you hardly have time even to think about something else except basketball,” 

you’ve known heeseung for two semesters but that’s for the people to say. the truth is, you don’t know him outside what he shows to everyone else. you see him come and go, spot him around the bar with his friends on weekends you pass by it. you know he skips classes and asks students for notes. it’s not necessarily from you, though you’d prefer if he would ask you since you’re the best student in the whole department, after him, as much as you hate to admit it. on some days, you see him in the library, earphones plugged in. if you manage to sneak a glance or two, you’d catch him watching the match recordings and taking notes, you wouldn’t know what notes someone could take from matches. in short, you don’t know heeseung more than how everyone knows him. coming to the shower rooms and notifying him about the test might just be a discreet attempt at striking up more conversations with him, but also, you’re just fine with him being the academic rival slash classmate that he is. 

“yeah, semi-finals,” heeseung shuts his locker close, a sigh falling off his lips just like the water drops falling on his shoulder from the tips of his hair, after a shower. “doesn’t help that they’re at the same time as the quarterly assessments. thank you for telling me even though it means you’ll end up losing the first position to me once again,” and of course, the heeseung you know wouldn’t waste an opportunity to strike up a competition. it would be a lie if you claim to hate it because despite the sour look on your face, a part of you loves these little academic races with him. heeseung makes you strive to do better, he’s like the driving force you lacked which made college a whole lot better. after all, where’s the fun in getting a perfect score with the bare minimum effort, without some challenges knocking at your door? 

“what can i do, i’m all about fair play,” there’s a subtle shade behind your words, reckoning to the multiple incidents of him ruining things for you. this could take a really nasty turn if you were to resort to his ways, except you won’t because you’re better than him. “good luck, and we’ll see who loses the first position to whom,” 

heeseung wipes his hair before switching to texting on his phone, the smile still adorning his face like a jewel. you assume it’s the delight from winning a match, it’s obvious. his eyes couldn’t help but sparkle at every little achievement, always looking forward to something more, something challenging, that’s lee heeseung for you— someone who knows he has an easier way around things but would deliberately walk down another path and test his limits. shocking how it took you one basketball match to see the passion he has for things he’s interested in, that he’s more than a sport jock or a straight nerd, he’s more than someone who takes courses to pass time, more than someone who is just a show-off.

“heeseung,” the dislike, the hatred, the envy, it might all be a lie. “well played today,” because in the end, there’s a minimal possibility that you’re leaving the room with nothing but the slightest of admiration for the guy who is nothing but an obstacle between you and that first position in upcoming finals in two months. 

and it would be a lie too to claim that your words didn’t catch heeseung by surprise.

II. RIVALRY, FEELINGS, ETCETERA. 

it has been a little over one day since heeseung’s conversation with you outside the shower rooms, twenty-seven hours to be exact. twenty-seven hours of him hearing the same last words over and over again, twenty-seven hours of him failing all and any attempts at straight thinking and twenty-seven hours of him not thinking about anything except you. all of it ends up in three hours of practice and not one good shot from heeseung. the sighs and snickers from teammates fill the court every few seconds— truthfully, they never leave. heeseung is simply too lost to pay attention to them. 

“heeseung, you good?” a pat on shoulder from jake and the words following soon after manage to pull him out of his spiral of thought, even if it’s for a brief second. 

“he’s not, won’t be anytime soon,” sunghoon replies as if the answer was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be revealed. “yn came to watch the last match, after all,” there’s a smirk on sunghoon’s face, heeseung can tell it in the intonation of his words. 

jay pauses just seconds before going for a layup, joining the conversation. “wait, she did?” 

“yep, saw her standing next to that hanbin guy or something,” 

“mate, you cannot be acting like this over a girl and that too, four days before finals,” this conversation, as a whole, is beyond jake’s comprehension. a part of the reason could be because he joined the team late, thus missing out on a huge chunk of internal jokes and gossip and goes amidst the players. and no amount of reasons can convince him into thinking that it’s fine to act out-of-character before important matches just because your crush showed up at one of your matches. 

“she’s not just some random girl. she never attends matches, but she came to watch my match,” heeseung clarifies as if the reasons behind his antics are valid and acceptable. “you wouldn’t know how i feel right now,” 

“you’re on cloud nine, we know, your crush gave you the attention you’ve been lacking but trust me, she would ignore you just as efficiently if she sees you perform like this,” 

“she’s not a crush,” and despite it being a well known fact amongst the basketball team that heeseung has a thing or two for you, he always refuses to accept it. one can say it’s the pride thing. you barely even talk to him unless it’s about studies, and your conversations are mostly along the lines of who outdoes whom in tests and assessments. moreover, everyone knows heeseung is the reason why you’re the second best student in the department— as much as you hate to admit it, again— because he transferred and flipped your world, probably even dribbled around with it like a basketball. a word goes around every few days about you glaring at him in class, which is not true, you’re instead focusing your eyes on something in an attempt to think. he just happens to sit right in front of you and be the object of focus. heeseung might as well believe that you hate him, even though yesterday’s conversation was far from how people talk when they hate each other, and his assumptions could account for the constant words of denial that fall off his lips. 

jay snickers before landing a hook successfully. “yeah, and i’m a pigeon,” 

“oh, shut it, jay,” heeseung turns to look at the other boy. “she’s just someone i admire. have you read her essays? her papers? god, we’re a year away from graduation but she’s already writing mind-blowing papers, one of them was even published in the monthly issue of some magazine. she’s already on her best performance and still tries to do better, always down to guide juniors with lab work and also is on the research team for the paediatrics department at asan medical centre. all this, and she studies all day. if i were her, i’d pass out. i can’t go a day without entering the court,” 

“and he says he doesn’t have a crush oh her,” sunghoon rolls his eyes, it’s like if he heard another line of excuses from heeseung, he could see the back of his skull and have a look at hs big, fat brain. 

“because i don’t? you guys never had someone you admired so much that they practically became your role model despite being in the same year?” unlike other things that heeseung does, calling you his role model has a reason. first, it can give him a reason to talk to you. heeseung is almost convinced that you hate him, and if this persists, it would get harder and harder for him to approach you, but with the lie— half lie— of you being his role model and so wonderful that he couldn’t help but admire you from afar while trying to overcome his social anxiety gives him a reason to talk to you. plus, it sounds plausible, he doesn’t understand why his brother says it’s bound to fail. 

the second reason and more to do with his friend group. no one in his friend circle is capable of keeping a secret— jay ends up spilling tea unconsciously, jake tells one person who he trust and that person turns out to be the most untrustworthy person ever, beomgyu, well he’s on the team but telling him would be like standing on a stage and announcing to the whole campus, and sunghoon, he’s the mother, he cannot digest food without disclosing secrets. even if it’s common knowledge that heeseung has a tiny crush on you, denying it in front of the whole campus everytime one of them brings it up helps him with his reputation and fortunately, ends up keeping it a secret. besides, he’d rather have people tease him for calling you his role model than having a crush on you. 

“i surely don’t have someone i admire to the point i read all their papers and know each and everything they’ve volunteered for,” jay argues back, set on proving his point. “tell me what am i gonna do knowing that she’s on the paediatrics research team?” 

“i think this is the most i’ve known about yn ever since classes started and that too, because of heeseung,” beomgyu chuckles, earning a side eye from heeseung in the process. 

“enough, let’s get back to practice,” heeseung intervenes in an attempt to change the topic. he does not want his closest friends making fun of him for liking someone— it’s supposed to be human nature to have a crush. 

“you get back to practice because you’re the only one fucking up because of your silly little crush. i’m done, jay, call me when we’re having a practice match because i need to attend theology or my professor would write me up,” taehyun passes the ball to sunghoon, the latter yelping in surprise at the sudden yet successful catch. 

“i don’t have a crush—”

“of course, let’s get you back to practice,” jake cuts heeseung off mid sentence, moving back to take his position as sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung, who, as expected, misses the catch due to lack of concentration.

it’s going to be a long day for the team. 

. 

. 

.

“a little birdie told me you went to see heeseung in the shower rooms?” are the words you hear as soon as your classes are dismissed, miyeon walking up to you and hanbin discussing the set of questions your professor distributed just a few minutes ago. 

“i didn’t go into the shower rooms, i was outside, near the lockers,” and there’s a difference. to be in the shower room implies you were there in the shower, which definitely gives rise to several wrong ideas of different levels. specifically, you didn’t even enter the locker room. you were outside, leaning against the door, watching heeseung as he walked freshly out of the shower, a towel around his neck, you both strike up a small talk. yeah, that was the scene, not with you in the shower and whatever miyeon’s imagination leads to after that. 

“so you did go!” she claps her hands together as if it’s a celebratory occasion, turning her head to look at the boy next to you. “what were you saying about yn not having a crush, habin?”

“it’s not a crush, miyeon,” and it’s true— heeseung is not a crush. he’s a classmate, a rival, an over-qualified and impossibly competitive student, someone you would want to take your time to study. “what, i can’t even go to tell a classmate about the updated syllabus for a test now? i would’ve done that for anyone, not just heeseung,” 

hanbin sighs, packing his bag. “sure, but he’s in the groupchat. he could’ve checked it himself,” 

“um, i doubt that,” you’re preparing a powerpoint in your head, multiple slides on why you needed to do what you did. “he’s busy with basketball and i know how he gets when the matches are around the corner. don’t you remember how he skipped two weeks of classes straight because of matches last semester? and it’s the finals this time, i don’t think he even opens texts about anything that’s not basketball. i mean, he responded to my messages six days later because he was busy with practice,” 

you say it like you’ve known heeseung for a decade and have been through the ups and downs with him. you wouldn’t care about who does what in the classes, if it’s a paper plane flying right over you, landing just second to the first row of seats or if it’s someone being brave enough and playing music during lectures. biology, in your opinion, is a subject for those who are serious about doing something unique while staying in the academic field. you don’t encounter troublemakers often, once a blue moon if the heavens make a mistake. on other days, it’s quieter than a library, emptier than cemeteries at night. 

to think your life as a biotechnology major got interesting after heeseung switched majors is astonishing and equally debatable. 

“i don’t see why i should remember all that about ‘just a classmate’ but thanks for telling,” and before you know it, hanbin and miyeon are out of the class, on their way to wherever their next stop is. seriously, they’re having it easier than you. they go to games, movies, drink on weekends— something you haven’t had a taste on ever since the year started. somewhere, you could be blamed for your hectic schedules. studies, lab work, and thesis, they suffice for all the stress a student in post graduation studies can handle. volunteering and writing papers is on you, things wouldn’t have been arduous if you had decided to move slowly, one step at a time. sometimes, the hunger for more leaves you starving— quite literally. 

you spend an hour or so in the classroom along with a few other students, going through the same old routine of yours— watch videos, take notes, transfer them to your document in your own words and make it sound as innovative and convincing as possible. heeseung would be better at this than you. you’re exhausted to the point that accepting your defeat to him doesn’t even faze you anymore. he used to be a literature student, had english as a side course as an undergrad, he’s bound to be better than making essays sound they came right out of shakespeare's drafts, phrases and metaphors that would put fitzgerald to shame. 

you didn’t care about what went down in your classes until heeseung came along. call it craziness or the weird impression you have of students in your field, heeseung is far from the typical biotechnology student aiming for a postgraduate degree. he skips classes, plays basketball as if studies are a side business, and yet still manages to ace every test like an all-rounder. he shouldn’t even be in classroom, he should be in the labs, being the most important subject of studies. there are days you think of him as a social experiment— how quickly can a robot piss off a straight-A student with its impeccable skills— of course, the subjects wouldn’t know it’s a robot but you do, you’re almost convinced he is one. there’s no way he’s the top student with the amount of effort he puts in. one would claim that he studies after classes, at home slash dorms, but you can bet your life he doesn’t. there have been numerous instances when you’ve spotted him in the background of someone’s picture at a bar. he’s always with people, he has a humongous friend group, god knows how someone can live like that. at first, you were convinced he isn’t real, as worrisome as it sounds, and if he is real then he needs to be studied. 

which leads to what you’re doing right now— making your way to the basketball court. you don’t know how or why you’re doing it. you started with your studies, ended up thinking about heeseung, and now you’re on your way to the basketball court. although, it’s not half a bad idea, now that you think about it once again. 

your mind goes all the way back to when you watched him play for the first time, which was just a day ago actually. you don’t know anything about basketball, you don’t know much about heeseung either, but there’s one thing you’re sure of— heeseung is class and heeseung on the court, they’re different. you’ve noticed the way he clicks his pen relentlessly out of nervousness when he can’t solve a question, the way his back tenses up for a fraction of a second as soon as he’s asked to explain something. you’ve seen the hints of fear in his eyes when he asked you for notes last semester just three days before exams, scared that he would fail. heeseung isn’t sure of a lot of things and basketball isn’t one of those. 

“you’re not practising?” you ask him when you swim out of your thoughts, watching him climb up the bleachers and sit next to you. the court seems much better when it’s empty, free from the loud cheers of spectators, but that could be just you. 

“i was, as you see, but i saw you up here and thought it was time for a break,” you could see his teammates shake heads at him in disappointment, proceeding to continue with their practice. “what’s up?” 

you don’t respond to him and instead, take your time watching the others practise their shots. you watch the way one of them, who you think is taehyun, goes for a dunk, credits to hanbin for telling you names for a few shots. next to you, heeseung shouts out a tip or two for the boy for him to have an easier and effective approach at the said move. heeseung is good at dunks, you’ve heard it from students, you’ve seen it in the last match as well. just one shot was enough to tell you how good he is at it, it’s like basketball flows in his veins, like he can close his eyes and still manage to get a basket. 

your eyes ghost up the court and shift to him— there’s a content smile on his face, a relaxed posture as if there’s nothing for him to worry about. he takes a sip from his energy drink, you wonder if he, or anyone from the team, even gets time to have their meals. the expression on his face, it’s something you’ve never seen on him during lessons. it takes you back to the match, how he looked on court a day before, certain of every move he made, every step, every breath, without doubts, no second thoughts. you’ve done enough lab projects with heeseung to know how his hands shake when he’s preparing a slide or extracting a sample from a centrifuge, afraid that one wrong move and he would mess up the efforts of everyone in the group. that hesitation is nowhere to be seen on the court, gone like it has never existed. as if lee heeseung, the star student and player, has never had an encounter with nervousness and hesitation in his life. there’s a thin line between studies and sport for him, you finally realise it after much consideration. maybe, you’re going beyond your boundaries and making assumptions about a guy you barely know, even if you would never voice all these thoughts to him, you think you know the reason why there’s a different him on the stage when the ball is in hands.  

“how did you realise that you like basketball? you know, like it enough to devote so much of your time and have it alongside studies?” because even if biotech is something he’s studying and wants to make a career in, you guess that it’s just a source of satisfaction. in your eyes, through your perception, basketball is what makes him truly happy. 

you don’t know why someone wouldn’t pick satisfaction over happiness, especially when it’s coming with its hands full of opportunities to grab that bag.

“eh, i don’t have a sob story about it, if that is what you’re hoping for,” he chugs down the contents of the can before crushing it to the slightest, eyes squinting at the opposite wall before they move back to meet yours. “i never had to sit and think about basketball and studies, you know, as in how am i going to manage both of them. it just happened. i started playing basketball in middle school and it has been with me ever since,” 

heeseung’s side of the story is simple— a mediocre guy who was introduced to sports by his older brother and now, it’s one of the most important things in his life. middle school heeseung preferred staying in and playing video games instead of going out. in fact, middle school heeseung resembles you in all the ways that make him different from you right now. he has been good at learning and remembering things, he takes liking to things quicker than others do. basketball was like for him— easy, quick, fun, like a way to release all the stress after a long day at school. in heeseung’s story, there isn’t a main character who helped him choose the path he’s walking right now. instead, all he had was his family who introduced him to the various aspects and opportunities, and he simply ended up joining hands with the ones he liked, deciding to not let it go before the dead end. 

“i want to have that passion for things,” a soft laughter falls off your lips, it’s an attempt to make your sob story look less pitiful. “i used to paint and play piano— but painting, mostly, was really good at it. i learnt how to draw before i learnt how to tie my shoelaces. i couldn’t go a day without painting, but then highschool happened, i had pressure to do well, expectations from friends and family, had a dream outside painting, and now, i haven’t painted in years,” 

unlike heeseung, art started as more than just a side business to you. it’s not something you were introduced to in the middle of your life but rather is something you grew up with. you can blame or credit your mother for making paintings and having them in almost every corner of your house. it’s one of the reasons why at five years old you were beyond fascinated at all the patterns and colours. no one would’ve guessed that science would manage to sweep you off your feet right from the first grade, given the way your hands danced a duet to their own melody along with a paintbrush, as if each stroke has a conscious life of its own. no one would’ve guessed that your mother would tell you to stop painting and focus on studies, neither would they have known that she would become the reason why you no longer feel the same way about art. as stated before, life is unpredictable— because no one would’ve guessed that sitting here on the bleachers with heeseung and sharing a piece of your life would water the seeds of doubts in your heart, the ones that bloom at the sight of him.

he thinks your story is sad— with all due respect, without sarcasm, of course. it’s the best he can say. “i think it’s more of a ‘connection’ thing. you think you’ve lost the connection but you simply need to pickup a canvas and some colours to relink, if you get me,” because heeseung has had somewhat of a same experience, with music, and sitting front of a piano to play one of sibelius’ symphonies after senior year highschool finals was all it took him to find his lost interest in music. even though it’s nothing more than just a hobby, even if it's just something he considers as a way to pass time, heeseung knows how it feels to let go of something that is an integral part of one’s life. 

“it has always been about timing, heeseung,” you shake your head, trying to prove him wrong using your own arguments. “you think i haven’t tried painting again? i still have art supplies stacked up in my cupboard. it’s all about timing. when you like something, you only get a few chances to make sure it stays with you for a lifetime. how many people do you know who have given up on their hobbies because they claim to have lost interest? the thing is, the interest is still there, it’s the inability and fear of not being able to do it again. if you timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life,” 

a pause. he sits still, eyes admiring your face while his mind is busy replaying your words in the back of his head. heeseung wonders how valid they are when it comes to people. he likes you, despite the constant denial which is only for show, by the way. it doesn’t take a scientist to read him. reading him isn’t even close to rocket science, he doesn’t understand how you haven’t caught up even after being incredibly smart. he has seen you hang out with hanbin— heeseung hates that guy, by the way. there’s no solid logic, it’s just that hanbin seems to be around you all the time and heeseung thinks of him as a leech sucking blood off its host. heeseung would never admit but it’s just his jealousy playing tricks on him, and even though it doesn’t look like you have any romantic feelings towards that guy, it would be fucking embarrassing for heeseung lose you to a guy who isn’t even half as qualified as him. ( yes, he is judging characters based on academic qualifications, no heeseung wouldn’t explain why )

“i like you,” and so, he lets his feelings win for once, deciding to let his heart take control instead, closing doors to any room for rational thinking like it never existed. “you said it was about timing, about trying hard enough and having only a few chances, perhaps, just one bullet, and i’m shooting my shot right now. i don’t want to remember you as a closed chapter of my life,” 

it would be such a waste of chemistry if you end up becoming just a closed chapter of his life. heeseung has done his research, more like reading tons of books and watching hundreds of movies to understand the potential that two academic rivals have. no one knows this, not even his closest friends, but heeseung’s favourite genre might simply be enemies to lovers and living that trope doesn’t sound as bad when it’s with you. he has spent hours thinking about the number of productive library dates you could have, working on projects together and brainstorming about the next biggest revolution in the RDT world, changing the public’s outlook at genetics forever. it sounds stupid and makes him sound even stupider, even as a lost cause, but heeseung doesn’t care. in his mind, it’s the best date someone could have. to live and become successful together, it sounds like a perfect plan to him.   

truthfully, you have always been a part of heeseung’s future, near or distant. he always always pictures you in his life, standing next to him during graduation, bidding goodbyes at farewell, exchanging shy greetings at reunions ten years later while reminiscing about everything he did to irritate you, that would sound embarrassing a decade later. your presence will always be significant to him, he just hopes to remember you as something more than just a rival, just a classmate he never really got to know, just a person he spent his two years hating upon, just a crush he didn’t get to confess to. 

the catch— heeseung has already started picturing his future and you are not even sure of your present— and while he is looking at you for an answer, you’re lost inside your head, looking for words to articulate. 

heeseung is someone you planned to stay away from for the rest of your university life. him stepping into your life already costs you a lot, namely: dropping in ranks and losing your infamous title. his actions cost you the time you could use to study, which is actually upon you because you can simply ignore him instead of spending hours on thinking about his hows, whens and whats. heeseung was supposed to be the academic rival slash classmate that he is, instead of allowing him to be something more, but beyond rivalry, feelings, etcetera. you knew the way you felt about him, even though you couldn’t be as certain as him, or even to claim you see him the same way he feels about you.

turns out, heeseung has always been sure of certain things in his life. 

“heeseung, i’m—”

“not sure? busy? stressed? i know you have a lot of things going on right now. take your time, study for the finals, finish your papers, sort out your own issues and then come back to me. i’ll be waiting,” it’s like he’s not only good at studying but also at reading minds, because heeseung seems to have guessed a part of exactly what you’ve been thinking. call it timing, jay calls him to get back to practice just a few seconds later— a perfect excuse to leave. “looks like my break is over,” 

you sit speechless, watching him walk away like an opportunity that just walked out of your hand. it feels like a slight defeat, like a test you failed when you could've scored better, if not a full score. it's funny because this wasn't a competition, you weren't rejected, more like you rejected him, but it still feels like he has the upper hand. it's funny and equally annoying because heeseung is supposed to be nothing more than just a nobody, somebody you aren't even supposed to spare two thoughts on, but here you are sitting with the guy with your feelings all over the place. 

“heeseung,” you stand up, your voice making him turn to look at you, both of you ignoring the sight of his teammates standing motionless in their positions, too stunned at your voice reverberating in the almost empty court. “let’s do this: if you manage to stand first in the finals, i’ll date you,”

a lowkey confession leading to a mere competition. his lips morph into a smirk, the ones he'd pass you before tests, an open challenge offered directly to you. “and if i don’t?”

and you mirror the same smirk back at him, you weren't going to back off simply because it's about the person you possibly have a crush on. “i become just a closed chapter of your life,” 

let the game begin. 

III. LIAR AND THE LOVER

despite heeseung’s sudden confession, you’re doing quite well, taking it better than expected. you had your moment of confusion back when the words of proposal fell off his lips— anyone would. after all, it’s lee heeseung we’re talking about. you can only imagine the saddened faces of his fangirls once they hear about him confessing to you.  

“jay told me you made a bet with heeseung?” hanbin’s question catches your attention as soon as he steps into the cafe, managing to turn a few heads towards you in the process. 

“you know jay?” 

he sits next to you, pulling out his laptop in a hurry. you can guess it’s because of his essay that’s due before six in the evening, one he could’ve written last night instead of getting wasted at his friend’s birthday gathering. “we share history, also, that’s not the answer to my question,” 

“it’s not a bet, ‘bin,” your words aren’t half wrong. “just a silly game, y’know? i didn’t even expect him to agree,” frankly, even you don’t know why or how you came up with such a bizarre idea in broad daylight. usually, people get bouts of excitement or embarrassment while confessing or being confessed to, but in your case, you jumped over the fence and made a proposal that you have only seen in fiction. 

“nah, no way you’re setting up your whole love life for failure and calling it a silly game,” the disappointment is evident in hanbin’s voice as his fingers danced over his keyboard, typing with a speed that could leave the trains behind. well, people tend to get like that when you have an assignment due and the deadline is just a few hours to go. you guess that he’s too busy to even listen to your reasoning, which is appreciated considering you have no reasoning as for why you did what you did. 

“you made a bet with heeseung,” you turn your head around, making the boy next to you do the same in the process. it’s miyeon— you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. your actions have consequences, as always, and one of them is dealing with her non-stop interrogation as if you’re the prime suspect for some gruesome crime and every question answered wrong opens gates to capital punishment. sometimes, you wonder why she didn’t go with studying law instead. 

“how do you know?”

“everyone knows, yn. it’s all they’ve been talking about,” she sighs, sitting opposite to you while taking a look at hanbin’s laptop. “even the football fanatics are talking about attending the game, god, hanbin we better hurry that day or we’re not getting a seat,” you should’ve seen it coming, honestly. miyeon might not be the most social person, but she definitely is the most updated. nothing escapes her, every tiny incident reaches her ears one way or another, and if not, then she just finds out about it using her sources, given you don’t know about her sources. it’s one of the reasons why you’re almost convinced that she runs a shady side business alongside her career in bioengineering. 

you take a sharp breath, going through the bunch of papers arranged in your file. “it’s not that serious. he confessed to me and i said i’d date him if he manages to secure the first position in the finals as well,” 

“you did that knowing he hasn’t been studying because of games while you’re studying like your life depends on it? there’s no way he’s going to be first, and everything aside, it was a wrong fucking move to play with his feelings,” play with his feelings— a pause, you don’t like how it sounds. you’re not playing with his feelings, that’s far from what you’re doing. it’s a game, a competition, new to your friends but you and heeseung have always been familiar with it. there’s an unspoken rule to test each other’s limits. the last time you and heeseung did something like this, it resulted with you writing ‘lee heeseung is smarter than ln yn,’ in bold on a sheet of paper and putting it on the notice board for the whole campus to see. in your eyes, it's history repeating itself yet again. sure, there is something else at stake, but the rules are the same, and you don’t know why your friends are acting like you’ve done something terribly unethical. 

“no one’s playing with his feelings, miyeon, and i know for a fact he’s making time to study for finals,” you clarify your side, slight annoyance evident in your voice. “besides, it doesn’t matter. it’s not like this is serious, i only did this to buy time to figure out my feelings while the game gives me a reason to study and not get distracted. you know how i get when i lose focus,” 

that could be the reasoning behind your actions, of course. even while sitting in a cafe with your friends and having a conversation that is about to make your blood boil, you’re thinking of heeseung in the back of your head. his words play over and over again like a broken record player, the image of him on court or studying pops up in your mind every now and then. obsession is a disease and you have it bad. it’s crazy to be thinking about someone so much without being absolutely floored for them. 

“so you’ll date him despite the outcome?” hanbin drags you out of the well of your thoughts, a question that leaves miyeon flabbergasted. 

“if i manage to figure out my feelings then of course,” a chuckle falls off your lips. “i’m telling you guys, it’s not that serious. i’m sure he knows it too,” and you’re really confident about this— it usually never ends on a good note. 

“and if he doesn’t? what if it’s serious for him? yn, you never know how one thing might affect someone, and feelings are not something to gamble on. you should’ve told him you need some time to think instead of giving him a false hope or whatsoever,” it’s now that you start having second thoughts. the next two hours go by amidst silence, a few small talks blooming here and there, but dissolving just as quickly within the ticking clock of deadlines for assignments and exams. 

it doesn’t take a scientist to know when miyeon is upset, for she isn’t the best at masking her emotions. through the sneaky glances at her that you’ve stolen over time, you can tell she’d rather spend the evening in silence than talk to you, which is a challenge with herself because she’s really talkative. it takes two to sing a duet, two to play and game, two people to make a relationship work. heeseung and you— the two of you are enough to make decisions for yourselves, decide what’s right and wrong and, something about miyeon questioning your choices doesn’t sit right with you. 

too many cooks spoil the broth, it’s the principle of your life, the words you’ve been following to this date. it was your decision to have a few friends instead of a fifty— quality over quantity, as one might call it— and there has never been a moment when you regretted having a handful of people to call friends. instead of consulting too many people about your major in university, you simply went with what your parents and homeroom teacher suggested. life has been good so far. the more the better is something that isn’t applicable in your case. instead of telling everyone about your dilemma regarding heeseung, you decided to keep it to yourself, eventually opening up to heeseung when the time comes. you’re doing just fine on your own, it doesn’t make sense to you why a third person’s opinion is making you doubt your decision making abilities that you’ve been so proud of. 

this is not a gamble, you tell yourself, it’s a fair play. you gave him options, he made the choice, it’s consensual. you didn’t force him into this game, he didn’t pressure you to respond, it’s a harmless competition that’s bound to have a positive outcome. you even spend a good fifteen minutes wondering if you should go back to heeseung and take it all back in case he finds it insensitive to put his feelings on the line. doing it in person seemed impossible so you resorted to texts, typing and deleting your message before giving up altogether. in your head, this was an okay decision. a sweet confession, a person with unsure feelings, a harmless competition. 

you hope it doesn’t backfire ten times worse. 

. 

. 

.

three days later, you find yourself on the way to basketball club rooms once again. you checked the court, it was empty, and your only option was to check the club slash locker rooms if you wanted to see heeseung. okay, first things first, you don’t miss him— maybe a little, but it’s because you miss hearing his weird ass answers in class even though they’re right. heeseung just has an unique approach to things, in other words he simply knows how to buy time and go in detail about things he’s an expert at to impress the professors. however, that doesn’t seem to be the case for him because he has approached you six times in the past three days, asking if you’re free to hangout. 

you like to think he misses you or that his requests were because he wanted to make sure you don’t study and lose to him, either could be true. knowing heeseung, he’s capable of going both ways. whatever may be the reason, you turned him down all six times, and it’s not because you have something against him— of course, you don’t. that’s common knowledge by now— your reason for not hanging out with him is studies, as expected of you honestly. the bet aside, you had way too many chapters to learn before exams and all heeseung ever does is take up your headspace everytime you sit down with your books spread open. avoiding him in thoughts wasn’t possible so avoiding him in person was your last straw. 

which leads to the present : you rushing to heeseung, again,  not because you miss him but because you need his help, though one of the reasons could be that you feel bad for turning him down six times. you can hear muffled laughter from a distance as you approach the club rooms, a bang against one of the lockers, a loud profanity that follows afterwards. their humour is beyond your level of understanding. 

“heese— oh, um—” you greet and turn away just as quickly when you realise that one of them is shirtless. it’s obviously heeseung, you can’t mistake his face for someone else. and you’re guessing he’s the last one to come out of shower because everyone else is dressed, maybe he’s someone who likes to take his time showering— you seriously need to stop thinking before your imagination goes bonkers. “sorry, can you come outside for a second when you’re ready?”

another round of laughter follows, more like teasing remarks because you can swear you heard a few of them refer to you as his girlfriend, and it gets you a little flustered, you won’t lie. you even hear one of them yell ‘ooh, get it, heeseung,’ as heeseung walks out, fixing his t-shirt, responding back with his middle finger up at whoever made the comment. 

“hi,” his voice isn’t much louder than a whisper, eyes fluttering between you, the floor, and his teammates who pretend to not look when you peek inside. there’s a soft smile on his face— it’s cute, you think, and then rethink what you just thought. heeseung is, well, not cute— usually. he’s good-looking, handsome, hot, sexy, even, since you’re on the topic of finding adverbs that suit heeseung. cute is rarely one of them, you don’t think you’ve seen him as flustered as he is right now— rubbing his nape, a tint of pink on his cheeks, avoiding eye-contact— that’s far from the heeseung you’ve been seeing for past two semesters. 

“hi, can you send me the pdf of the extra set of questions that prof sent last week? i think i accidentally deleted it while clearing up my storage,” you get straight to the point, trying not to waste much of your precious time. “i could’ve texted you but figured you’d be too busy with practice to check messages,” you remember what happened last time; he took six days to reply to your texts. you’re quite a patient person otherwise but in this case, you’re in dire need of questions to practise for tomorrow’s mock. 

“ah, sure, give me a minute,” and he pulls out his phone, scrolling through an ocean of files and documents to look for the one you need. you do think he’s gorgeous though, it’s a well known fact that he’s stunning, but you think this look of heeseung surpasses the other ones quite easily— hairs wet after shower, partially covering his forehead, a white t-shirt that’s slightly wet near the shoulders because of the water dripping down— you wish he’d at least dry his hair before catching a cold. “actually, i would have replied to your texts if you had— oh, yes, there you go. do you want me to email it to you or…?”

“oh, just texts would be fine, thank you,” 

“done,” a pause, you feel his eyes on you as you go through the pdf to take a brief look at the contents. “do you want to go for a walk? or are you getting back to studies?” at this point, you’re sure that question is a way to tease you about your obsession with studies. heeseung may think you’re overdoing it because you want to win, but it’s no more than the normal amount of hours you spend studying. he never paid you any attention to care about that. 

“no, i’m done for today, actually,” and that’s a big fat lie considering you were planning to solve some questions and revise two chapters before leaving the campus, but it’s fine. you feel bad for rejecting him six times either way. 

never in your life did you imagine that you’d be going on a walk with heeseung. it’s nothing serious, you just didn’t think there would be a day where you two would have normal people conversation while doing normal people activities instead of trying to disparage each other based on grades and academic performances. to think about it now, heeseung isn’t half bad, it was all in your head. it’s not like you had vile assumptions about him, you did find him annoying and way too prideful— anyone like him would be, actually, and heeseung is still quite humble about his achievements because if it was someone else, they sure would have made it everyone’s problem. 

actually, heeseung is insufferable as well. you remember your first encounter with him, first and so far, the worst— in the laboratory. you and heeseung sat next to each other and when the professor asked him to briefly explain his experiment, you realised it’s oddly similar to yours. you had accused him of cheating, like any sane person would, which led to him getting two scores less than a perfect. he only lost one score because of you, actually, and that too because you were professor’s favourite and heeseung was new to the department. the other score, you don’t know where he missed, but that incident led to heeseung deleting your powerpoint thirty minutes before your presentation, which led you stealing his notes and selling it some junior through an undercover twitter account, which led to the professor asking you to help him with notes before exams, and everything ultimately led to the realisation that heeseung is actually quite decent if you behave with decency as well. the give and take is serious for him, because he gave you notes and so, you had to take his offer of going on a walk. even though it seemed like you had a choice, a part of you knew it was a mirage. you would’ve ended up on a walk with heeseung one way or another. 

“i come here whenever i’m tired or just not feeling well,” he says and you wake up from your daydream of memories you shared with heeseung. the way he phrases his words makes it sound like he has brought you to one of his most secret locations, one that no one knows except taehyun, probably, considering they’re close friends, but in reality, it’s the playground you pass by every single day on your way from your apartment to university. 

“oh, are you okay? are you nervous for tomorrow’s match?” you continue, deciding you shouldn’t ruin his favourite place for him. honestly, no one would’ve guessed that lee heeseung would come to a children’s park on bad days. 

“actually, this walk was for you, you looked like you’d pass out if you spent another hour in front of books,” and you’re done, standing speechless with your eyes wide open at his words that he says with a victorious smile on his face. “you should start taking breaks, yn. it’s not a bad thing to go home earlier when you’re tired,” 

he’s right, oh, you know he’s absolutely right about everything he just said, from passing out to going home. a part of him probably even feels glad to have you out on his little walk with him, you’re getting your well deserved rest, thanks to him. heeseung might even ask if he can walk you home considering you’re ‘done for today,’ which is very thoughtful of him— but what does this make you? a liar? miyeon was right, you’re gambling, even though it’s not that serious. so far, you’ve lied about being done with your studies and the bet you made with heeseung because at this point, it’s more like a prank, except it’s not funny and that it might end up with him getting upset with you because tomorrow is basketball tournament’s finals and you’re here wasting his time, all because you lied. 

a liar and a lover, on a date at children’s park— match made in theatre club, you’d say. 

“are you sure this is not your way to manipulate into not studying and losing to you, just so you can date me?” you try to play it cool, knowing very well that it can be one of his tricks or whatsoever. after all, it’s the same heeseung who made you trip in front of your class just three days after being transferred. 

“i was being genuine but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” of course, it doesn’t. he gets to win, after all. “can i walk you home?” just as you had guessed. 

“i would love to go home but my bag is still in the library,” you had considered taking it with you, actually, but dismissed the thought once you realised you had to come back to the library and continue with your studies. albeit, you’re not studying, that’s on you for lying into oblivion and giving into his requests.  

once again, you two are back to walking, this time back to the university campus. it’s nice, having a walk with heeseung, it’s sweet, slow, comforting, like slow music flowing around and engulfing you in its arms. the unsaid words are weighing on your shoulders, you can feel the pressure, but it’s not awkward. above the busy hustle of the city and blaring horns, it’s a quiet world with heeseung, it’s nice, like a warm hug after a long day. you didn’t think you had it in yourself to spend a minute next to him without overthinking and possibly starting a banter. you didn’t think heeseung had it in him either, to make a walk feel so close to home.  

“so, how are you coping knowing you’re going to lose once again?” and, it’s back again. everything is a hoax actually— his looks? a trap. his smile? a trap. it’s all a facade because once he opens his mouth, nothing but horseshit comes out of it. 

“very well, in fact, because i know i’m the one getting that first spot this time,” call it overconfidence but you really do think you’ll get your title back this time. you’ve been studying well and hard enough, solving questions and going through every extra set of notes and exercises your professor sent. although, you would claim to beat heeseung had you been prepared or not because it’s fun messing with him. 

“i’d rather have you show some mercy, in that case,” before you know it, you’re already standing in front of the library. “academic defeat and a heartbreak, it already sounds painful. i hope you go easy on me,” it’s sarcastic, of course, all these saccharine words of confessions made you forget how he is under the layers of smiles and winks that adorn his face. a session full of silence follows, the comforting tranquillity morphing into something tensed as he steps closer, your breath getting caught up in your throat as your mind dysfunctions— it’s the effect he has. 

“heeseung,” you put a finger on his lips— the only thing between him and you, the only thing helping you stay sane and composed at the moment, because only you know the struggle of pulling yourself together while standing inches away from heeseung as he grabs your wrist and plants a soft kiss on your finger before removing it from his lips. 

“why, that’s unfair. you get to see me anytime you want while i have to wait because you’re busy studying, you even get to see me shirtless, and i can’t even get a kiss?” and you hate the look in his eyes, you hate how close he is standing and how it makes your heart go crazy. this isn’t even the beginning and you hate how you feel like you’ve already lost, and you hate how confident he is with every breath he breathes against your lips. “just kidding, see you tomorrow,” 

and you hate how this is where you realise that you’ve fallen deep, and you’ve fallen hard. 

IV. PLANET TO A SUN

heeseung has been thinking about the walk for an hour and twenty-seven minutes— actually more, ever since the moment he got home last night, but that is how long he has been practising for, eyes on the ball but mind revolving around you like a planet to a sun. you had texted him about a rule this morning— no kissing before finals. actually no kissing before we start dating, lee— your exact words. they have been holding him back from thinking straight, even made him practise an apology while looking in the mirror if in case his actions offended you in any way. lost in thought, heeseung manages to get another shot in. that’s twenty-third in a row ever since he stepped on the court, which is unbelievable, even for him. 

“is it just me or did heeseung’s performance improve overnight?” jake looks up at jay, fastening his shoelace, a chuckle escaping his lips that goes unnoticed. 

the latter offers a hand to jake, helping him stand as they share a laugh before jay passes him the ball. “well, of course it will. he has to impress his girlfriend today at finals,”

“she’s not my girlfriend,” heeseung grunts almost as if hearing you and the word girlfriend in the same sentences cuts ten years from his lifespan. he knows it doesn’t, he’d kill to call you his’. the reason behind his edgy behaviour is your text and the weird rule you’ve inserted in an already weird bet— it’s not like he minds it, the bet, obviously. heeseung definitely minds not getting to kiss you for the next few weeks. 

“yet,” jay clarifies, emphasising enough for the world to understand that his words are supposed to be in italics. “she will be if you score more than her in finals, which i don’t think is possible because unlike you, she has been studying all day everyday. i don’t know how she’s still alive,” and jay isn’t half bad student himself. juniors in business have his name residing on the tips of their tongues. he simply thinks you’re a freak for being in no clubs and not participating in anything that doesn’t involve studying. 

“she’s the top student for a reason,” jake adds. 

“i am the top student,” and hearing his friends call you the top students hurts heeseung’s ego a little bit. crushes aside, you’re his rival before his girlfriend, and you’re not even his girlfriend. you’re basically just a rival. “also, it’s not hard to study all day if you’re used to it,” 

and jay scoffs in disbelief. “right, you would know something about it, lee i can’t go a day without playing basketball heeseung,” 

“hey, everyone,” your voice reverberating in the court is what stops heeseung from responding to jay with a snarky remark. “just wanted to wish you all goodluck. i really hope you guys win the tournament or else, it’s going to be hard for heeseung to deal with two loses after i beat him in finals as well,” 

heeseung rolls his eyes in disbelief, you hear taehyun exclaim that he has been team yn since the very first day, a claim that few others proceed to back up, especially sunghoon, with his own lore of how he prays everyday for you to win the bet with heeseung. you’re honoured to receive such support, to some extent. a part of you still wishes for the whole thing to be a secret restricted to just heeseung and you but again, it was your fault for placing bets in court, in front of the entirety of the basketball team to witness, even their coach. 

“you’re a little too confident, don’t you think so?” he smirks, taking a few steps towards you with the ball supported between his arms and torso. “let me know where you’d like to go for our first date,” and it turns out heeseung is just as confident about winning the bet as you, perhaps even more. you are not surprised, being defending champions does that to people, or so you believe.

“mhm, let’s have you score a date first, lee,” you would have loved to talk more but decide to bid your goodbyes as soon as hanbin’s message pops up on your phone, the little scowl on heeseung’s face going unnoticed the moment he sees his name on your phone screen. heeseung would never in his wildest dream confess to being jealous— it doesn’t even make sense for him to be jealous of hanbin because he confessed to you, and you seem to like him back. his worries are pointless just like the useless art projects his art teacher used to assign in middle school. 

your fingers dance on the keyboard of your phone as you reply to hanbin, the subtle taps synchronous with your steps with you rushing across the quadrangle, taking the nearest flight of stairs to the library. you wanted to spend the day at your apartment since classes are suspended for the rest of the day on account of the match. however, hanbin managed to convince you into coming to the library to help him with a few assignments here and there. you’re not opposed to studying on days-off, in fact you think it’s better since you get all twenty-four hours to yourself instead of investing any of it in classes. the match gave you an excuse to call in for a break, or an excuse to take your time choosing the outfits as if you’re the main character on such a big day. 

the librarian gestures to you to slow down the moment you almost avoid slipping on the tiled floor, in the process of holding the door frame to stop yourself, an embarrassed apology makes its way from you to her as you spot hanbin in the further corner with his airpods plugged in. your first instinct is to scare him from behind but the thought leaves your mind as soon as you remember that you’re in a library, and getting kicked out on a day that has been treating you well so far doesn’t sound so smart. 

so, you settle with approaching normal, instead of pulling random stunts, pulling out the chair opposite to him quietly to not make any sounds, mumbling a soft ‘hi’ as he takes out one of his airpods. “where’s miyeon?” 

“sick, she’s skipping today’s match as well,” hanbin replies, eyes fixed on the notes he's copying from the laptop to loose sheets of paper, before looking up at you with another question on the tip of his tongue. “are you two still not talking?” 

“we did, none of us brought up what happened that day, though,” you shrug as if it doesn't bother you anymore, as if you don't want it to bother you more than it already does.

miyeon and you have known each other since university, she was a senior in undergrad course who was forced by financial circumstances to skip one academic year, thus rejoining in third year along with you and hanbin. seeing her was less frequent while she was still a senior, although you're not sure if you've spent more than three days away from her ever since postgrad school started. a heavy tension masks all your conversations with her, over texts or in person, and even though you're trying to act like the small talks with her don't hurt you, a part of you is starting to miss the best friend you used to talk to all night, about wasted matters and sharing useless gossip.

silence fills in for the lack of words between you and hanbin and you allow it to do so, deciding not to disturb the decorum of the library anymore. you scroll through your phone mindlessly, there’s nothing to look at except people going crazy about the evening's match. you even manage to stumble upon a thread of arguments featuring students of your university and the one the team is going against. it’s all empty threats, seriously, ‘kys’ and ‘ur mom’s in my bed’ aren’t even insults at this point. they’re funny, sometimes, but you’ll never understand why or how they ended up being insults. ( honestly, you don’t see the potential ) 

“are you serious about heeseung?” a crack in the ice, hanbin's question catches you off guard, with a number of questions running back and forth in your mind before you settle with the one to respond with in return.

you blink in confusion. “i guess so, why?” 

“nothing, it’s just i never expected it to be him, y’know, considering your history,” you think it's unavoidable, questions along these lines, they would've been asked sooner or later. truthfully, even you didn't expect yourself to fall for heeseung.

your history, what even is there to call history except blood and war? both you and heeseung have been up each other's neck from the moment your gazes collided. it sounds like a stupid beef between highschool students, almost embarrassing now that you both are nearing post graduation. with all the days that you’ve spent thinking about ways to get on his nerves, or worse— ruin his projects, it wasn’t just you who resorted to ruining each other’s hard work— no one would have known you and heeseung would ever end up on this note, with him chasing you and you pinning for him, all under the blankets of a silly bet.

“well, as i always say, hanbin, life is unpredictable,” there’s a smile dancing on your lips, a dazzling hint of factuality in your eyes. “besides, he’s a nice guy behind all the annoying things he does. i think he's pretty serious about me, or us, too,”

hanbin has noticed the way you smile at your phone. it doesn’t always happen, only when you’re talking with miyeon or a few friends from highschool, now heeseung ranks up on that list as well. he’d be lying if the uneasiness doesn’t bother him, it’s bound to surface when he remembers all the nights you spent complaining about heeseung. actually, the rant session included hanbin, you and miyeon, but she would rather go to sleep than listen to you complain like a child for hours on roll, leaving you and hanbin driving the conversation. he has lost count of the amount of times you’ve ended up crying in the process, or the amount of times he has hung up on you only to show up at your place late at night to make sure you’re doing okay, and the nights you two have spent watching movies and falling asleep on the couch, followed by the mornings gone by with miyeon being salty over the fact that none of you invited her to your impromptu nightover. 

the thought of heeseung confessing to you still surprises hanbin, it’s one of the things he deemed as impossible since forever. and he can go, warn heeseung about hurting you, dropping all sorts of threats at the boy. hanbin can go on for hours about how he would make heeseung’s life a living hell if he ever broke your heart. he can prove the righteous friend that he is, but at the end of day, he would always be the third person between you and heeseung. hanbin can only assume so much about you two, not even sure if all of it is right. he can only wish so much for you to have eyes for someone else. 

and so, all he does is shoot a smile at you. “i hope he is,” 

. 

. 

.

the only time you step out of the library is exactly three hours and thirty three minutes later, to sprint towards the basketball knowing that you absolutely cannot afford losing seats in the first two rows. fortunately, or unfortunately enough, you’re not the only student going crazy about the game. you can swear at least a dozen came out of the library right after you, even though all of them may not attend the game.

you’re already running late— well, still twenty minutes early but that doesn’t give you much time to meet the team and secure the front row seats. and meeting the team is an excuse, let’s be honest. you want to meet heeseung, have a quick private talk, kiss him good luck, you don’t know; you wouldn’t. your head is in a mess, behind you hanbin is yelling for you to slow down as you run down the stairs. half of you is worrying about seats and the other half is wording her sentences out for you to say when you meet heeseung, and the team. you can wish them all the luck in the world, after all, it’s the university team and you would love to see them win. the whole craze about sports doesn’t feel real and worth the hype but things start coming full circle when you’re the one watching. slowly, as one would expect, but you are starting to understand why everyone goes bonkers during tournament season. 

“damn, slow down,” hanbin huffs, grabbing your arm for you to slow down. “it’s not like they wouldn’t start without you,” 

“that’s the problem. what if they start without me?” but your legs wouldn’t rest before arriving at the court. you know your words sound funny, painting you as if the result of today’s match depends on you. it feels crazy to be this excited about a mere basketball match, nonetheless you know it’s not the match you’re actually looking forward to. “besides, i’m more worried about seats,” 

“i asked hao to save two for us. he’s friends with heeseung, i think he will do that much for his friend’s girlfriend or whatsoever,” you see him roll his eyes at his own words, proceeding to slide his hands into yours before continuing on your way to the venue, this time a little slower. 

you have heard about hao from hanbin and miyeon a few times. he’s pursuing a masters in music, wants to teach violin professionally according to hanbin. miyeon has even attended one of his recitals last autumn, something from sibelius, if you remember correctly. he is popular, and you see the depths of his popularity as soon as you spot him on the bleachers, surrounded by people left and right, one of them trying to grab a seat next to him before he points at you and hanbin, and the crowd goes mild, ultimately dissolves as the players step in. 

“i didn’t know heeseung had a girlfriend,” you don’t know what you were expecting, perhaps a few words of greetings, hi’s and hello’s since you two are meeting for the first time. anything, except that question. 

“believe me, i didn’t either,” and why even is heeseung going around telling everyone that you’re his girlfriend?        

the court breaks into cheers as soon as the game commences and yet, it feels a little quite. perhaps, it’s miyeon’s absence getting to you. had it been her next to you instead of hanbin and hao— who are busy amongst themselves by the way, talking about anything but the match— she would’ve been eating snacks non-stop, giving you a little talk on every player, like a resume. it’s take her fifteen minutes to give you summaries on players from each team, their achievements, girlfriends and probably even mothers, who knows. although, you haven’t attend many games with miyeon to pinpoint every good and bad thing about her impromptu presentation, her unofficial commentary helped you sit throughout the match. it feels incomplete without her, not just the game but days in general. it’s definitely her absence making your surroundings feel quieter. 

so, long story short, you don’t have a clue of what’s happening. well, you do, a little. you know what a dunk and a three pointer is besides the names of players on your university team, but that basically sums up your knowledge about basketball. all sorts of voices are mingling in the air but you’re busy following the ball around the court with your gaze, occasionally cursing and clapping when the team misses a close basket or scores a comparatively difficult basket. the tension between the two teams keeps rising as the game continues. you notice sunghoon groan in disappointment as one of the players from the opposite team gets in a banked shot from the wings, scoring two points for the team. a part of the crowd goes quieter at jay’s failed attempt to save the score for his team, beomgyu patting on jay’s back while muttering something along the lines of ‘good job.’ involuntarily, your eyes travel to heeseung, whose expression stiffens at the sight of the scoreboard displaying a two-point lag.

a time out call follows as the players move back to their respective ends, and it physically hurts you to see the difference in atmosphere between the two teams, or the frowns on the faces of players on your university team. for a second, you even consider walking down to them as they gather around the coach, grabbing water bottles and towels while nodding at the coach’s words between heavy breaths. you catch jake looking in your direction for a brief second, a smile makes its way to your lips before he responds with one as well, proceeding to nudge heeseung’s arm and pointing in your direction. his actions are left with no response— it hurts a little, although you are aware that anything else falls after winning the match on his priority list— and they get back on the court as the game resumes. 

“they need to catch up soon,” hanbin mutters, taking a look at the clock. and even if it’s just a two point difference, you’re starting to understand why it creates a huge gap. it’s almost like scores on a test. going from eighty-three to ninety then hundred is easier than going from ninety-eight to hundred. greater differences are easier to overcome; for you have so many rooms for improvisation and thus, so many chances at closing the gap. the closer you are to a perfect score, the narrower are the chances and it’s almost impossible to pin-point and work on every single weakness of yours within those two points. you’re pretty sure your words would hardly make sense to anyone else, but nonetheless you understand why everyone on the court looks more attentive, probably like meerkats on the lookout for preys and predators. 

much to your disappointment, the play continues with the rivals dominating the court, giving low to zero chances for the opposition to get their hands on the balls. you even see a few of them trying to provoke heeseung, the latter trying his best to not react but you’re afraid he would start throwing punches if another one of the players passed by him with his middle finger up heeseung’s face. one of them, who you assume is the captain judging from the way he has been directing his team, goes in for a hook, immediately getting blocked by taehyun as the court bursts into loud cheers once again. 

“that was a little too far for a hook,” hao comments, and you nod as if you understand his words and know exactly how a hook is supposed to be. you didn’t even know about a hook until now, and you’re still not sure what it is since all the shots look almost the same to you. 

from that second onwards, it felt as if the control transferred to heeseung’s teams as they transition quickly from defence to offence, making quick passes and running the court, practically catching the opposite team off guard. jay passes the ball to jake, who takes a leap from half court, driving towards the unguarded basket. a quick layup using the backboard, as you hear hanbin name the shot, and basically everyone runs to jake for scoring two points for the team as the scoreboards displays a sour tie. it’s a seemingly easy match after that, especially when the players look like they’re back into the game. sunghoon passes the ball to heeseung who goes for another layup and fails, much to his despair, before going in for a dunk and scoring yet another basket for the team, leading it by two points. you see him passing a cocky smirk at the player from before as jake pats him in the back with heeseung almost stumbling in the process. 

heeseung shoots you a wink before focusing on sunghoon’s words as they get back into position, and even amidst the butterflies you got by his recent actions, you don’t miss the way he stretches his fingers, ring-finger specifically, pointing something about the movements to jay before getting his focus back to the game; and you just hope it isn’t what you’re thinking it is. 

it’s a slow game after that, no points scored, four fouls with two of them back to back, one by each team respectively. the frustration increases on the court, evident in each step taken by the players, groans and sighs fill the atmosphere and get louder than the cheers that have gone quieter once again. it isn’t until a few minutes later that all the players run to the front court as soon as they see an opportunity for a fast break with taehyun taking the lead, passing the ball to jay just a few seconds after, who passes it to heeseung— and call it the lack of efficiency or bad timing, heeseung bumps into one of the players from opposite team, an uneven balance, and falls directly on his right knee, as one of the opposite players throws the ball off-bounds to stop the play. 

the medics take him to the benches, bringing ice packs and everything else before escorting him inside. you considered following him inside before hanbin tells you that the officials aren’t letting anyone meet him, probably until they receive updates of his situations. you bite the inside of your cheeks in nervousness, palms sweating as if you’re about to appear for an exam you weren’t informed about until five minutes ago, or maybe it’s even worse. the murmurs from the crowd or the group of girls behind you, to be more specific, do nothing but make you feel more anxious. zhang hao, being a sports medicine student, tries to give you an insight on heeseung’s injury, telling you that even if he fell directly on his knee and it could result in a patella fracture, or perhaps just dislocation— words that compel you to yell at him to shut up before he ensures that heeseung will be fine. hanbin does that for you, noticing your slightly panicked state, telling hao to talk about anything but anatomy of how badly a simple injury can affect a player, and when sunghoon and taehyun return to the officials with an update on heeseung and a pale face, you knew you had to run to your heeseung as if it’s the end of the world. 

“heeseung,” you breathe out, stepping aside to let the nurse from the infirmary leave before you walk closer to him. the awkwardness between you and other players, namely jay, jake and beomgyu, besides the coach, rings all the bells to remind you that coming here was probably a bad idea. well, of course, you like heeseung and are worried for him, but the tension in the air makes you feel like you showed up uninvited. “are you okay?” 

you ask nonetheless, voice close to a whisper, as you stand at a distance, looking at the bruise on his knee. the smell of antiseptic spray fills your lungs, nose scrunching at the way you could almost taste the diclofenac at the back of your mouth. 

“not really,” he inhales sharply, exhaling a reply once everyone left, knowing they had a game to get back to. “look at you, are you worried for me?”

“i’m regretting coming here now,” liar. and then you let the silence carry the conversation with itself for the next few minutes. you don’t know what to say— what can you say? all you do is sit next to him, hands brushing against his as his winces at the slightest touch. heeseung opened his mouth to say something before dismissing his words with a heavy sigh the very next moment. you almost hold his hand— almost, thinking of holding it ever so carefully as if it’s glass with thousands of cracks, and then you’d kiss it ever so delicately, you did it— almost, but then, it’s just you getting upset over the fact that he played even after hurting his hand.

“so, they’re benching you,” you say in an attempt to strike a conversation, a little conflicted with your choice of words, wondering if he even wants to hear about something related to the match at the moment. 

“of course,” he says it like a matter of fact, a fact whose impact doesn’t seem to touch him. “please tell me they have jeno substituting for me. i’ve barely been getting updates in the group chat,” the least he expected was for one of the substitute players to keep him updated about the game through texts, and heeseung planned to get back to the court until you showed up, taking a seat next to him on the benches in the locker room. you don’t understand why they didn’t take him to the infirmary, and decided to think it’s because locker rooms are closer and if there’s anything heeseung should not be doing right now, it’s moving his injured leg. 

you shrug. “i don’t know, i’ll ask hanbin,”

“thanks,” and even though heeseung isn’t really fond of your friend for reasons that are widely known, at least amidst his friend group, he really hopes hanbin is of some use. 

it’s quiet now. you can hear faint cheers buried in the layers of walls and rooms that stand between the court and the locker room, a few muffled footsteps filling up any spaces left in the air, here and there. you assume it’s his fans trying to check up on him, as annoying as it sounds to you for you’d rather have this moment with him all to yourself. you hear him sigh heavily once every few minutes, trying to ball his injured fingers up in a fist to allow the slightest of moments and ensure healthy circulation, a soft hiss leaving his lips at the sensation of striking pain shooting up his nerves. unlike heeseung, your attention shifts to his injured knee with a faint chill running down your spine as you look at his bruise, which now looks more bluish than it was when you had arrived, signifying the possibly alarming amount of blood that has now clotted in the tissues. 

“you can cry,” nudge him with your shoulders and heeseung directs you to the most disgusted face in return. “what? it’s the finals and you’re injured so you won’t be able to play today. any normal person would sob their eyes out,” 

“i’m not a kid, yn,” he nudges back, a chuckle slipping off his lips. 

“trying to act all cool but you’re probably going to cry yourself to sleep for days, or even weeks,” he holds out his hand for you to hold it as you stand up, an action you give into without opposition, intertwining your fingers with his. there’s a smug smile on your face and he sees it as well, although only you know the way your heart is somersaulting at the way your hands fit his’ like pieces of a puzzle. “i know what you are, heeseung,”

he scoffs at your words, hands still entwined, a lovesick glow in his eyes— it’s your first time seeing this side of him, you’re glad to be one of the people to see it. silence has never felt so comfortable to you. the distant noise from court feels like it rushed on its way to you and heeseung, and stopped at the doors, as if you two are beyond its reach. you might never say it to him, but everything seemingly ceases to exist when you’re with him, and the world feels timeless. it’s embarrassing, cringe, and it’s making your heart beat faster with the way he looks at you. “you need to shut up,”

“make me?” a quick response, one that was supposed to be a joke, a joke which was supposed to be accompanied by laughter and brushed off as another baseless comment, but another second passes as you continue to look into his eyes, and you realise you’re actually considering it— leaning in towards him while giving his hand a light tug to pull him towards you the slightest, your other hand cupping his face as your gaze ghosts up his eyes and settles on his lips. when it comes to him, rationality is out of the window and your lips are on his’ planting the softest kiss at the corner of his mouth before pulling away like nothing ever happened.  

a pause; you could hear the silence ringing in your years, eyes fixed over him as if you’re spilling all your secrets to him, waiting for him to take a hint. “what even happened to the ‘no kissing before finals’ rule?’”

and you realise you had actually forgotten about it, for better and never for the worse, because as you said and as he repeated, it’s all about timing. empty locker rooms, quiet hallways with not a soul around, your hand in his, his eyes on you— the timing couldn’t be better, and you know better than messing up and letting heeseung become just a closed chapter of your life. “yeah, i could care less about that,”

there are a lot of things you could care less about, like the cold metal that stings against your back as he pushes you against the lockers, or the fact that anyone could walk in, any minute; you don’t care, don’t know. his lips are on yours and his hands are on your waist, it feels euphoric the way his lips move in synchrony with yours, fitting like puzzle pieces. heeseung tugs you closer by your waist, a faint gasp escaping your mouth that dissolves immediately into your breaths mingling together. it’s intoxicating and is making you go insane, the way he manages to sweep you off your feet with the smallest of actions and simplest of words— from the very first day. 

heeseung was right, and you as well, it’s all about timing. from the day you first looked at him in a seminar, to the day he switched to biotech— you plan on asking him why because so far, all your guesses seem implausible— down to the day he confessed, leading up to this moment with you pressing against the lockers and his lips against against yours. heeseung sighs softly, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head to deepen the kiss, and you could feel the heat of his breath against your lips when you pull away just when it was about to get better, avoiding his lips when he leans in to chase yours barely a millisecond later. your eyes shift down to his hand, one that has been injured during the game, and you proceed to hold it carefully, brushing your lips over the bruise lightly before adorning it with feathery kisses as his other hand travels down to your waist once again, pulling you closer. “you should go easy on yourself,”

you whisper the exact same words he had told you a day ago, traversing your eyes back towards him while your gazes have a conversation so foreign, as if it’s only for the silence to understand. and it’s quite literally just the two of you basking in silence as he rests his head against the crook of your neck, planting a few kisses here and there before pulling you even closer, as if you were going to disappear any second. “i think, i’m in love with you,” 

and timing be damned— because heeseung confesses to you once again, and then he’s kissing you once again, slowly, sweetly, in love, and timing doesn’t even matter because every second feels right with him. with the same air of delighted indifference he comes to know well in the gleam of your touch and the curl of your lips, you simply kiss him back as if to say, hate to admit, but i’m in love with you too. and timing really be damned because you hear loud rounds of cheers as you feel his shoulders stiffen. a slight disconnection between you and heeseung makes you wonder if he’s thinking about the results of the game, which is inevitable, but this is about you and him, and nothing else. you hear the notifications from his phone go off, hinting that the match is probably over, and you pull him into another kiss, another round of selfishness guised as an outlet for him to forget about the game, another round of messy make outs, tasting the freedom of ignorance. 

and then you don’t hear from heeseung again.  

V. OBJECT OF ALL DESIRES

days without heeseung feel like they’re forty-eight hours long.

you think it’s a disease or some sort of withdrawal syndrome. this isn’t your first time without him, in fact, you used to do just fine without him in your life until you let him in. at this point, it isn’t even about not being able to see him— heeseung has been absent for almost seven days. you even asked jay about him to see if he has been in contact with any of his teammates but much to your disappointment, he disappeared off the face of earth like he never existed. taehyun has constantly been reminding you to not fret too much, knowing that heeseung gets a little dramatic after losing matches. you can take his word, obviously, a friend from highschool would know heeseung better than a girl who started talking to him normally barely weeks ago, although you couldn’t help but worry about him as seconds passed like water dripping down the tap, disturbing the silence. 

you know how losses feel— like a part of you has been taken out and you’re left to bleed. it’s worse when it’s about something you’ve loved all your life. you’ve walked next to losses, hand in hand. when you know you’ve lost something while having it in the palms of your hands the whole time, the feeling eats you inside. you wonder if heeseung is feeling the same way you think he is, even if he didn’t show it a week ago when you had met him in the clubroom, the feeling starts to sink in when you’re alone amidst the ghosts of nobodies. even though he was smiling and acting like the little shit he is, you felt anger and regret in the way he kissed you. there was a sense of numbness dripping down his fingertips in the way they brushed against your cheeks, cupping your face. you could’ve been a sweet escape— it hurts to admit that the emotions weren’t possibly real, but you couldn’t blame him. 

losing a match, to put it in your words, meant failing in a test; and losing because of an injury, it’s like skipping a test you prepared for, because of fever. except tests can be rescheduled for students who missed— a luxury heeseung, as a basketball player, cannot enjoy. even you couldn’t believe your eyes when the students on the forum started talking about the lost match, all sorts of comments going around, though none targeted at heeseung, fortunately. yet, your first instinct was to dial his number— out of reach, the first thing you hear on the other side of the line, and all you’ve been hearing for days now. 

you had considered cutting ties with him, not literally, but as in stopping to chase him as if he’s the oxygen you inspire. you could’ve showed up at miyeon’s place with apologies, her favourite snacks and a brief explanation of why you did what you did, and everything that has happened as the consequences of your own actions. with weekends approaching, you could’ve planned a two-day trip with her and hanbin before the winter snow made it hard to commute— just anything to get your mind off heeseung, since apparently, you weren’t on his mind either. albeit, you end up doing nothing, no trips, no plans to see miyeon, it’s just you and your bruised heart with soju on the side. your mind is way too cluttered with thoughts about heeseung to focus on studying and at the same time, it’s way too empty to try doing anything else.  

so, you simply venture down the hallways, drowning in all kinds of thoughts, good and bad. you can use the time to study but concentration has been far out of your reach ever since the match, or ever since he went underground, to be more specific. the impromptu make out session was probably his last straw— it makes sense. you kissed someone who had been walked out of a match because of an injury instead of consoling them. you let your feelings get the best of you, making everything about yourself yet again. you won’t be surprised if heeseung decides to ghost you for the rest of his life after that; or maybe, that’s not possible since you see a familiar figure sitting in the outdoor basketball court, spinning the ball with it’s axis on the ground in a directionless manner. 

“heeseung?” you notice his back tense at the sound of you calling his name, head down low as if he’s responding with an exasperated sigh. “where the hell have you been? i’ve been trying to reach you— heck, even your friends haven’t heard a word from you in days,”

“not now, yn, leave me alone,” and an exasperated sigh is what it was. 

“look, i know—”

“just, what part of leaving me alone do you not understand?” you try to speak but heeseung cuts you off just as efficiently as he does other things, with annoyance heavily evident in his words. had it not been heeseung, you would’ve left already, for you have more important things to tend to, and you’re certainly not interested in matters you’re not supposed to be included in, if only it wasn’t heeseung, and if only you weren’t crazily worried for him. 

“oh, i understand it clearly, every part, actually, and i also understand that you’re upset and leaving you alone would certainly not be the best move considering the way you went MIA for a week,” and you understand his impulses about disappearing into thin air, wishing the ground eats him up or for the walls to cave in till he’s entombed in them, but a person as smart as him should know taking out helps better than thinking about wanting to vanish. “we can sit and have a talk if you stop being such an asshole about it. i’m down to listen to—”

“fine, what do you want to hear about?” he cuts you off in annoyances, the ball rolls down to a distance like your heart when you see the unfamiliar emotion in his eyes. “you were right. i went home and have been crying myself to sleep. i haven’t been eating well either. i skipped five out of nine mocks and barely passed the four i gave, let’s add that too. is that enough?” 

you don’t like the way he puts it, as if it’s supposed to make you feel better. maybe about the bet, maybe, since he’s supposed to rank above you in finals to get around dating you, and maybe watching him lose is supposed to offer you some sort of relief— seriously, what you’re feeling right now is far from that. guilt, anger, shame, you’re not unfamiliar with those emotions. they eat you inside and it’s not because you’ve met with defeat, it’s because of falling off all the expectations people had, giving them another reason to point fingers and laugh. you could be really over-reacting, but if you didn’t have your parents telling you it’s going to be fine every time you didn’t do well on tests, you don’t know where you would’ve been right now. and you think you can play a part of the same for heeseung, if not all. 

you sit next to him, nose scrunching at the sight of dust on the cement laid with cracks. that’s what you get with an outdoor court no longer in use. you can see little plantlets germinating from the soil, emerging through the cracks, the rusted ring catches your eye. heeseung huffs as you settle next to him, wondering exactly how long the court has been unused for, considering its lack of maintenance. “let’s date,” 

and your words are not what you were planning to say or what should be said in this situation, but they still manage to extract a response from him. “don’t play with me,” 

“i’m not, in fact, that is what i’ve been wanting to say to you for days. of course, this isn’t the best timing, but i don’t know what else to say,” you pause in what feels like embarrassment. too bad, his crush is not good at conversations. sometimes you end up nodding and blinking for five minutes straight before saying anything, after a person opens up to you with tears and blood. “and, i’m not going to tell you to stop acting like a child or whatever because the team lost such an important match and somewhere, you’re blaming yourself for it, which you shouldn’t, by the way. all i need to say is that you still have the next year to make up for what you’ve lost now,” 

second chances come with higher expectations from people along with words that end up making one feel worse about their situation. you’ve already heard a few students talk about how heeseung should’ve been more ‘careful’— as if it was his choice to get injured and lose the match. you know it wasn’t going to be easy, especially with his injury that probably requires him out of the court for weeks, but you hope that amidst whatever he’s feeling, between self-loath and regret, heeseung manages to find himself once again. 

“actually, i’m planning to drop out of the team next year and focus on studies. my parents were already against me playing basketball during postgrad, i’m finally starting to notice why,” basketball could’ve been his entire career if heeseung’s grandmother had not wished for him to go into the medical field. seeing the insides of a person makes him want to empty his bowel from the mouth so biotechnology was his next option. heeseung thought having two hands would give him the benefit of managing basketball and academics together, unlike how his parents had wished for, but his recent mock scores and lack of time devoted to studies is making him question his choices. “and what the hell were you on about dating, by the way?” 

you’re half immersed in your own thoughts until heeseung directs the question at you— brows furrowed, confusion shadowing his face— you realise it’s your turn to do the talking. “oh, you know, dating. i think we should start dating already, it’s quite inevitable after that day in the clubroom,” 

it is evitable, really, but you’re down bad— with all due respect. 

you haven’t been okay ever since you realised that you like heeseung, and you’ve been trying to act normal about it, attempting to not lose your cool-hard-to-get-girl composure— miyeon’s words, and they make you cringe— while the thought of him is eating your brain slowly and gradually, making you go insane. if you were to narrate from where you opened and closed the door at, it would be a slippery slope, you don’t know how someone ends up falling for the person they despise. the yn from a month or two ago would be knowing, you can see her shrugging and getting back to her books, saying see saw it coming. ( it’s miyeon’s fault for making you even think about having a mind blowing chemistry with heeseung ) the you from two semesters ago, when he first transferred, would hate you and call you a traitor, might even write whore on a mirror while looking at it because you fold at the sight of hot, smart and sporty men who are perfect at everything, even at ruining someone’s life, like he’s ruining yours; and the yn from highschool, you see her squealing on the floor because oh, what a fan of enemies to lovers she was— heeseung wouldn’t even have been in the current picture if your highschool crush slash rival liked you back. the current you, well, she’s a goner, and in denial that she’s a goner. too much pride does something to a person, especially when you’re an over-scorer and an academic weapon. you’ve lost all your abilities of letting your guard down even once, refusing to give up and accept defeat, no matter how tortuous it is on the inside. 

the current you is more like a victorian man looking at ankles for the very first time. 

“and the bet? what happened to it?” he chuckles, of course, anyone would, considering the way you’ve lost after placing the bet with utmost confidence slash overconfidence. see, it never ends well, anything, with overconfidence, it doesn’t end well, never have and never will. and you, you don’t learn, sitting with the very well known fact that if you were given the chance, you would place the bet with him again.  

“ah, i didn’t mean to do that, honestly. i was confused when you confessed, it was so sudden, i didn’t know how to respond. the bet was the best i could come up with,” miyeon was right, you could’ve used something along the lines of ‘i need some time,’ that day instead of pulling out a bet right out of your ass, and now you don’t know how to save face. at least the fact that heeseung confessed first makes you feel a little better about yourself. “c’mon, i know you love challenges. i was just trying to see if it gets you turned on or something,” 

and heeseung scoffs in disbelief, eyeing you at your choice of words. “yeah, i feel very turned on knowing my crush dragged me into a bet that i’ve been working so hard for and she wasn’t even serious about it,” 

“working hard? from what i saw, the only thing you worked hard for was basketball,” you raise your brows, a taunting intonation in your voice. a part of you regrets the choice of words, knowing that basketball is seemingly quite a sensitive topic to bring up at the moment. albeit, the slight fear evaporates off when he laughs and dismisses your words and nothings. 

he leans a little closer, hands touching yours. “you never know what i’m up to at home,” 

a pause; you look in his eyes and then at his lips, he mirrors your actions with a smirk on his face. you guess that there’s a second meaning to his words, not sure what, but the look in his eyes tells you something about it. “i think we should get back to when you were talking mental and i was talking you down,” 

and you could grab his face and kiss him with no one around, on the unmaintained basketball court for the grey and cloudy skies to see. you could run your hands through his hairs and tell him how crazy he makes you while planting kisses down his neck. you can kiss him till both of your lungs are begging for oxygen, and that's when you'd tell him how he makes you feel— breathless and drowning, a little insane every time you see him flirting with someone that's not you. you can kiss him till the sun goes down and evening takes over, it doesn't matter if you're outside for the world to see. you would've kissed him if heeseung hadn't leaned back, looking at the ball lying stray at a distance.

“by the way, i’d love to date you,” he smiles at the infinite horizon before looking at you, as if waiting for a response already known.

“yeah, i figured that,” you try to play it cool as if you’re all knowing. it’s partially true, he did confess to you first. “let’s make another bet: no kissing before finals, and the one who ends up giving in first has to buy dinner,” you come up with yet another bet, your voice hinting the enthusiasm for no apparent reason.  

heeseung squints at you, a little conflicted, quite unsure of your words. it sounds like a moment of deja vu, hopefully on a better note this time ‘round. “that’s not even valid, we made out not even a week ago,” 

“let bygones be bygones, hee,” he likes the sound of the little nickname you've given him, unlike bygones, the word you use to refer to your very first kiss with him as if it's an unfortunate memory. “it’s decided then, no kissing before finals and the loser has to buy dinner, and i won’t be satisfied with anything less than a five star meal,” 

you squint, index finger pointing at him, a challenging composure. another chuckle from him makes it’s way to you, lips curling into a faint smile. it takes you all the way back to the day you placed your first bet with him, with head empty and no logic, for the entirety of the basketball team to see, hear, and talk about it as if it’s supposed to be on the headlines of the national newspaper. your eyes spark up in anticipation, wondering if the two of you are down for another bet, one that doesn’t proceed towards failure, hopefully.

“the last time you did something like this, you ended up running back to me and asking me to date you,” he scoffs softly, side-eyeing you with a mocking gaze, quite ready to pull out the receipts if you ever deny his words. you hate how correct he is, all the time, actually, and you hate how you don’t have words to argue back.

lee heeseung, a nobody to you till he switched to your department, just some student who was there to pass time until he started ranking above you on tests and flipped your whole world upside down. you tried to not think about him and failed every time— still beats you why. you’ve never let distractions get the best of you, but heeseung, perhaps he’s more than just a distraction, or maybe he isn’t a distraction at all. he’s like a plant in your garden that you could care less about— should care less about, it’s growing without harming your plants, but it’s creeping against a wall with pretty flowers for show, and before you know it, it’s demanding for all your attention that you offer without second thoughts, unwillingly at first. 

he’s the bane of your existence and object of all your desires, to put it simply and make it sound cliché. you’ve had your moments trying to run away from him, get him out of your head, annoy him to the point he’d prefer flying to the other side of the globe, or that could be you too, anywhere, far from him. but life, for the thousandth time, is unpredictable. when was the last time something worked out exactly how you had planned— can’t remember, obviously, just like the way you don’t remember when heeseung started occupying a corner of your brain, popping in and out at random times and disrupting your thought process. the more you tried to ignore him, the further he housed in your head, the deeper in your heart, closer, within your reach, as if for you to grab his hands and let him enter your side of the world. 

and so, you kiss him again, pulling him towards you with the collars of his jacket. you feel him smile, a triumphant smile, as expected from someone who is used to winning. you don't think you can say you've lost, not at the way he cups your cheeks and tilts his head to deepen the kiss just moments before you pull away. “i always run back to you, don’t i?” 

and you're a child infatuated with their favourite sport, a painter falling in love with strokes, a pianist dancing to the melody of rachmaninoff, a student addicted to getting a perfect score, a player addicted to winning. you trace back to things you like, you always run back to heeseung,

and you always would. 

TEN MINUTES LATER :

heeseung plants a soft peck on your lips. “dinner’s on you,” 

“fuck!” 

[certifiedwhore4slashers]

Run Away With Me

Yandere!Peter Ballard/001/Henry Creel x Fem!Reader

WARNING: Possessiveness, Manipulation, Yandere Themes, Forced Relationship, Slight Brainwashing, Forced Pregnancy, implications of violence and murder.

summary: you were peter’s prime obsession, unknowingly. when you get caught for finding information and punished, he snaps.

⚠️SPOILER WARNING⚠️

tbh this one of my longest imagines💀

also I accidentally posted this privately so yeah had to start over 😭

tags: @ioveremus

You had been in the lab for as long as you could remember. Papa had been the one to raise you and the lab was all you knew.

Besides Peter of course. He was your only real friend until 011 came along. She was so sweet but a lot of the others picked on her.

“Good morning, 004, Papa spoke. You despised calling him that but he forced you to, like everyone else.

You said nothing and instead stood there like an idiot, but you’d rather be silent than saying something.

He just nods and leads you to the Rainbow Room. You behaved very well but only out of fear.

You knew what Papa Would do if you didn’t behave. You didn’t even know your name, just 004.

You knew your age, though. 18 years of this hell. You wished you knew your birth parents but they probably were killed and you stolen.

Sitting at the table, You decided to draw. It was your talent. You were one of the older experiments and that was for sure.

“Good morning, Sleepyhead.”

Peter stood there with a smile that seemed forced, but either way one on his face. “Good morning, You reply.

You only ever chatted with him or 011. You loved children but the ones here were a product of trauma and seemed, emotionless.

And most were assholes anyways. They picked on the ones who they thought were weakest, one being 011. You were picked on Growing up in the lab, a lot.

“You seem lost in thoughts, 004, Peter told you.”Is something wrong?” You sighed.”No, not… nothing’s wrong.”

He didn’t seem to believe you though. There was something wrong. But, it wasn’t what he would probably assume.

“Something bothering you, 004. I know it.”

You were breathing heavily, deciding to at least tell him half-truth. You didn’t like lying to Peter but at the same time, He wouldn’t like you as much anymore.

Oh were you wrong.

“I, um… did something bad, You whisper. “What do you mean? He whispers back. It was easier than he expected to manipulate you.

He had been since his obsession was blossoming over the course of months. You were one of the older ones, not too much younger than him.

He also found it cute how naïve you were, It wasn’t worrying to him but he did want to protect you.

“I disobeyed Papa, you whisper back.”I mean… I know he isn’t telling me the truth so… I decided to snoop.”

You were eighteen now, and even though you had been in this lab since birth you so badly wanted to escape.

There was something Peter was hiding from you. Your real name and birth. He knew this stuff being someone Papa trusted the most.

Your real name was Y/N, which was a very beautiful name. “You were just being curious, 004, Peter whispered.”Nothing wrong with that.”

You sniff.”Really?” He nods.”I’ve done it before. don’t worry.” This is why you had a crush on Peter, not for too long, about a month or so.

How did you even figure out you were 18? Again, from snooping. Nobody knew their age in the lab, they just grew up there.

But you really had to know

Suddenly, Papa came in and gave you a smile.”004, Can I speak to you?“ you gulp, and nod. You felt so intimidated by Papa.

In fact, You didn’t even consider him your father anyways. You take his hand and go into an different room.

You sat down, then he spoke,”004, What did you get into?” Technically, wasn’t it his fault he left his door wide open and file cabinet open too?

“N-Nothing, You murmur nervously, fidgeting with your fingers. Papa frowns.”You don’t have to lie to me.”

Despite being an adult, legally at least, He still treated you like a child and that bothered you. “I’m not lying, You insist.

“I know you’re lying, 004.”

For some reason, He knew you were lying. And if you weren’t in the mood to be punished, You’d read his mind.

“I’m not, I swear.. you whisper. You could tell he was Losing his patience with you. And the scariest part, Papa never lost his patience before. Or even showed he was losing it.

“Well 004, Whatever you found, is not true.”

You huffed, knowing what you found was true. “And if you don’t follow the rules, Papa Adds.”I’m going to have to punish you, 004.”

For once, You no longer felt fear and had a boost of confidence. “No! You insisted, standing up to go and run. You bursted the doors open and ran out.

You needed a way out, but not without Peter! You were stopped by Papa. And before you knew it, everything went black.

When you woke up, You were in your room. But something felt different. “004! Peter says, entering your room.

“Peter, what’s going on? You ask. “We need to leave with 011! He replies.”come on, you want to leave don’t you?”

“I do but, what about papa?”

Peter gives you a small smile.”we don’t have to worry about him anymore. Don’t you want to be set free?”

Your mind was telling you he was manipulating you, but you didn’t want to listen. You nod, he was so kind, and helpful. What could go wrong?

You noticed Peter was covered in blood and it looked like he fought someone. “Why are you covered in blood? You say nervously.

With an disturbing grin, Peter calmly responds,”Let’s say Papa won’t disturb you or punish you anymore.”

That could only mean one thing. Your eyes widened, stepping back into the cold wall. “Why? You ask.

“Don’t you see? He says.”I saved you, y/n.” “Y/n? You asked confusedly. “Your birth name, Peter says.”You know, we’re very much alike.”

“How? You don’t-“

He reveals that number on his arm, 001. The first subject that he told you little about. You gasped.

“See? We’re more like alike than you thought, He chuckles. “No, I don’t kill people for no reason! You spat.

“I did it for us Y/N! Don’t you know I love you?”

That shocked you, he loved you? Was this manipulation or did he truly love you? You wished you weren’t so naïve sometimes.

“You don’t love me, You tell him.”So that won’t work on me.” You tried your best to fight the tears as you saw a bloody mess in the hallway, and dread filled inside you.

There was Papa, He was Dead. Yes, it devastated you. But another half was relieved. The man that caused you so much trauma and others was gone.

Still, did he deserve to die this brutal? You sighed, going to the rainbow room to see if anyone was alive in there.

You gasped, nobody was alive besides one. El, a nickname I gave her and she seemed to like it. “El, You frown. She rushed over to you weakly.

You hugged her, and she hugs back. You felt a maternal instinct to protect her, you were her mother figure.

But also sort of a big sister if that made sense. When you saw the door open, you turned to protect El.

She was your main priority. “Stay away! You spat. Although he didn’t listen. “Oh 004, He cooed.”you will be mine.”

He was messing with your head. Of course he was. That was how he’d win you over. You tried not to.

“If you don’t come with me, 011 dies, Run Away with me, Y/n.”

Then you had no other choice to make. She had to live. You nod, taking his hand.

However, you should have never done that because 3 months later, you were pregnant by force.