#seeing the way henry loves him makes me feel lonely

[hussyknee]

Reading romantic stories starts to hurt at some point. Because the characters are enough like you to identify with, but nobody has ever loved you like that. You can't imagine anybody ever will.

[sserafics]

MAKE A WISH — henry h. x fem reader

fluff, use of y/n, reader has a bad experience w/ bdays, friends to lovers (?), set in season 4-5, second person pov

(requested!)

the dread you feel when you wake up on your birthday isn’t unfamiliar. every year it’s like this. quiet. lonely. though, it’s not all bad. at least you don’t have people nagging at you to open their presents first.. or at least that’s what you tell yourself.

your birthday has never been something you particularly look forward to; the day has always been filled with empty promises, disappointment, or just being alone in general.

this year, you’ve decided to just stay home, locked in your room all day with a blanket and movies you love to watch on repeat.

you’re curled up on your bed, surrounded by pillows and blankets while you watch a movie you’ve seen a thousand times before.

it was peaceful, almost like today was just a normal day, and not something you should be celebrating with friends and family; until a knock on your window startles you. you frown and pause the movie, getting out of bed and walking to your window. you open the blinds slowly, squinting against the light that filters into the previously dark room.

your brow furrows when you see your best friend, henry hart standing— or sitting on the tree next to your window.

“happy birthday, y/n.” he beams, smiling widely as if he’s not one slip away from falling two stories down. he’s holding a box in his hand, wrapped neatly with colored paper.

you blink. “henry, what are you doing here?” you ask, still frowning as you help him inside.

“i’m here you kidnap you,” he says sarcastically, slipping through your window effortlessly. he hands you the box he was holding, gesturing for you to open it.

you take it, looking at him skeptically before popping the lid open.

“i know you like to spend your birthday alone, but i thought you’d wanna give this a shot.” he gestures to the box, where two tickets to a carnival lay, next to a small pack of your favorite candy. a small smile makes its way to your lips.

you look back up at him, now hesitant as you remember your past birthdays. the disappointment and sadness the day always brought, but there’s a look in his eyes that intrigues you.

“i don’t know..” you murmur, your gaze trailing back to the tickets.

“come on,” he urges you gently, “just give me a few hours. if you hate it, i’ll bring you back, deal?”

you bite your lip, still a bit skeptical.

“i already bought the tickets.” he adds, smiling again at the look on your face after he says that.

you sigh, still debating in your mind if this is worth the trouble, after all, birthdays aren’t really your thing, yet the look on his face makes you second guess yourself.

you nod after a moment. “fine, but just a few hours.”

henry’s grin widens and he takes your hand, leading you out your room. as the two of you leave your house, you can’t help but wonder why he didn’t just knock on the front door. your parents aren’t home anyway, so it’s not like it’d matter.

you don’t have much time to dwell on the thought, the lights and sounds of the carnival ahead breaking you out of your thoughts.

when you arrive, your eyes widen in awe. the colorful lights, the laughter of children, the delicious smell of popcorn and cotton candy— all fills your senses as you two walk in. the atmosphere is a start contrast to the quiet day you had planned on having. you look over at henry and see he’s already looking at you, smiling at your reaction.

“well? what do you think?” he asks, letting go of your hand briefly to fetch the tickets, handing them to the guy in the booth.

“it’s… nice.” you mumble, still looking around at the lively atmosphere.

after the two of you are let in, you approach the game booths. despite your initial reluctance on coming, you start to feel excitement and enthusiasm as he hands the woman at the ring toss booth a few quarters.

you stifle a laugh as henry tries (but fails) to win you a specific panda plush that caught your eye the moment you stepped foot in the carnival.

the two of you have been standing here for about ten minutes, him being determined to win you the plush.

“here, let me try.” you tell him, taking one of the darts from his hands. you turn back towards the booth and throw the dart, hitting the exact balloon he was aiming for, a prideful smile forming on your lips as the man in the booth reaches for the plush and hands it to you.

you look over at henry, who looks shocked. his jaw dropped, almost looking offended at you hitting the balloon so effortlessly.

“i’m supposed to be winning you prizes for your birthday, not the other way around, y/n” he says, sounding exasperated yet joking.

you laugh and reach for his hand, pulling him toward another booth, the panda plush tucked under your arm. “cmon, you can win me that one.” you add, pointing to a stuffed frog at a beanbag toss booth.

when the sun begins to set, a warm glow casting over the carnival from it, henry leads you to the ferris wheel. you hold onto the stuffed animals and the other things he managed to win you tightly as the two of you enter the pod.

you take a seat on one side of the ferris wheel, and you furrow your brows at the box sitting on the other side.

henry grabs the box and places it on his lap, opening the lid to reveal a small cake, that writes ‘happy birthday y/n’ in cursive lettering on top.

“i made this for you.” he smiles, pulling out a small pack of candles and a lighter, lighting them as the ferris wheel begins to slowly move.

he holds the cake near your face, the light of the candles illuminating your face. he smiles wider as he says, “make a wish, y/n”

you close your eyes, a warm feeling in your chest slowly building up as you make your wish. you open your eyes and blow out the candles, smiling softly.

you look at him again, noticing his face closer than your used to. you don’t pull away, though.

he laughs awkwardly before pulling out a plastic fork from the box and cutting a small piece from the cake. “say ‘ah’” he smirks playfully, holding the piece up to your mouth.

you roll your eyes but part your lips, allowing him to feed you. he feeds you a few bites and even purposely smears a bit of frosting onto your nose, making your face scrunch up. he laughs at that and sets the cake down on the seat. you turn to look out the window, taking in the view of swellview below you, the sunset casting a warm glow over the buildings.

“hey, y/n.” his voice rings out, making you turn back to look at him, confused.

“yeah?”

“you’ve got some frosting,” he gestures vaguely to your face, making you frown and try to wipe it away.

“no, no. not there.” he adds, smiling wider and leaning closer. you don’t notice at first. he gently grabs your wrist to stop you from rubbing at your face.

“where is it?-“ you began, thinking he’d get it for you, but your words cut off when he suddenly leaned in and kissed you softly, cupping your cheek.

the kiss was short, almost like it never happened, but the way his hand cups your face assures you that it’s real. your best friend is kissing you.

you pull back after a moment, your cheeks feeling hot as you open your eyes, looking up at him.

“got it.” he comments smugly.

you blink. your wish came true.

later that night, as henry helps you climb back into your window, you can’t help but ask him something that’s been on your mind since earlier.

as you plop into your bedroom, you turn back to the window, where he’s sitting on the tree again.

“hey henry?”

“hm?” he hums, looking back at you, slightly confused.

“schwoz made the cake, didn’t he?”

…

“…yeah.”

(a/n) omf this took me so long to post 😞 thank u to whoever requested this!! it was so cute and fun to write 🫶🏻 also to everyone else who sent me a request i’ll try my best to get them done soon! thank u for ur patience and i hope you guys enjoyed reading!!! :)

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 97: An Old Love Story

Okay, say it with me: FOIL!

You can see it too, right? Looks like Martha x Henry (Henderson)'s story is a foil of Twilight and Yor's story.

Henderson was in Twilight's place; the smart, lonely young man so focused on his ideals that he was blind about who was in front of him and his very own feelings.

Martha was in Yor's place, the strong and graceful girl too young and inexperienced to know her own heart and that she was in love.

This is exactly what's happening with Twiyor, the main couple of the story, and I think we may get to see one of the possible endings for our beloved Twiyor through Martha and Henderson story.

Now, what do we know about these two 🤔...

We know that Henry Henderson has a daughter and a son-in-law. It was mentioned he writes to them, but there was no mention of his wife. This leads me to believe that:

His wife is no longer alive.

He lives with his wife, so there's no reason for him to write to her.

He is divorced.

So, with this information we still can't know what's the current relationship between Martha and Henry, but we can take a guess 😉

From the way the story is being told, it almost feels like it's a semi-tragic love story, doesn't it? We can almost assume that they didn't end up together...or did they?

Theory one: Yup, everyone is right and Martha and Henderson eventually went their separate ways for reasons we'll probably get to know in the next couple of chapters.

If this theory is right, I think it's beautiful that they are getting a second chance 💖They certainly look more mature, confident, and calm (also elegant!). I love the way they look at each other, so much trust and love 😌

Theory two: I know this one is a long shot (and Henderson just said in that panel that "She is merely and old friend") but maybe...they're actually married. Why am I so bold to even consider that possibility?! Well, there's this panel:

The matron is clearly teasing Master Henderson, don't you agree? If she does it, it's because she knows something. Either she knows that there was something between those two in their youth or she knows they are married. I don't know, but they way she said the word "partner" and the fact that Master Henderson is married made me think that Martha is his wife. I know, I know...it's a remote possibility, but you have to remember that marriage is mentioned a lot through different characters and couples during the story, so maybe those two were actually married. (But, it's quite possible it's theory one).

Other things to consider...

How long have Ostania and Westalis been at war?

My guess is that we're talking about two different wars between the same countries; very much like WWI and WWII, where there was a brief period of peace before a second conflict. So, probably the first war started while Henderson was in his 20s and the second war started when he was in his 40s (and Twilight was a kid).

It makes a lot of sense that now they're in a period of "Cold War", just like in real life.

The Garden

I am convinced that the Garden is involved in this. I've talked about this before (read it here). After this chapter, I still think the Garden is going to pop up. Want some evidence?

Do you recognize this guy?

That's right 😏 That's Matthew McMahon. What is he doing there? Too much of a coincidence, don't you think?

And also the way this is phrased:

Odd that there was a mention of the word Garden, isn't it? And the fact that the whole story between those two takes place in a garden...🤔

In addition to that, in a previous chapter, Twilight observes how Martha moves like a soldier. Franky mentioned earlier that Garden people are like soldiers. And the Garden has a history of recruiting young skilled/strong people, like Yor. Things keep adding up.

The Consequences of War

This is a prevalent theme throughout the whole SxF universe: how war (violence, intolerance, manipulation of information, propaganda, politics) has affected the life of all the characters.

No matter their background, nationality or education, we've seen it again and again with most of the characters big or small, like Twilight, Franky, Sylvia, Millie, and now we're about to see it with characters from an older generation like Martha and Henderson.

My guess is that this won't be the last time and this pattern will continue while the story lasts. I think what the story is trying to show us is how war is seen by some (politicians and men in power like Desmond) as a natural, inevitable course of action, but at the same time how brutal the consequences are in the smallest stories. That's one of the things that is truly remarkable about SxF.

[pippin-katz]

6 Little Faces Alex Makes That I Love - Part 1

(not ranked in any order)

No. 1:

There is no other word for this expression than starstruck and it’s adorable. ✨

No. 2:

I’m completely obsessed with the way he watches Henry come closer. It’s so clear that he’s not done something like this, and he’s a little out of his element, but doesn’t care cause he’s so enamored with Henry. There’s just a bit of nervousness and curiosity in his eyes, like he doesn’t know what Henry is going to do next. I think he was already surprised by the way he pushed him.

One of the things that drew Alex to Henry in the first place was the sparks of personality he hadn’t been expecting from a prince. It looks like Alex was genuinely surprised by how forcefully Henry pushed him, like he wasn’t expecting something like that, and he probably wasn’t. Like he told his dad later, “he’s tougher than he looks” and you can also substitute that “tougher” for all the other traits that surprised Alex, like his sense of humor, his authentic and deep compassion for others, and his ability to stand up for himself.

There’s this little trace of awe within the surprise and curiosity. I see that expression and I can feel the way his heart is pounding.

And then of course he starts to get that smile on his face, that somehow still maintains a level of disbelief or admiration. It’s like he just had the brief thought of “I can’t believe how lucky I am”.

I am completely obsessed, how dare you Taylor Zakhar Perez, you adorable, talented, and attractive bastard.

No. 3:

This is like the look he had when Henry first arrived at the dinner, but even more unabashed. You can see the nerves, and the way he takes a deep breath as soon as he sees him. It’s like his mind is going, “wow, he really is beautiful, and now we’re alone”. It’s like he’s thinking “don’t freak out, stay calm” while also being completely blown away by how handsome Henry is.

It is so cute, I hate it.

No. 4:

It’s fast and a bit hard to see, but he gets this quick smile on his face that’s like “oh, okay, we’re doing this then”. He still has that little bit of surprise too, like “damn, alright”, cause Henry pins him hard against that wall.

It makes me think of that moment in the book when they first hook up and Henry tells him why he kissed him on New Year’s, and he mentions being jealous, and Alex says: “You were jealous. You want me.”

And he’s teasing him, so you know he has a shit-eating grin, but also he’s registering the fact that Henry has wanted him for a while, like he’s a bit surprised that he actually wants him, and that the kiss wasn’t just a drunken impulse, or Henry being lonely, but something Henry was wanting to do, with him specifically, even while sober.

That’s kind of the vibe I get from that smile, like “oh, Henry really wants me like this, alright, this is fun, I’m down with this”. I don’t know if I’m making any sense for this one, but hopefully you get what I mean.

No. 5:

This is a sweet moment because you can see the change in his eyes. Henry is explaining why he was a prick to him, so he's still primarily thinking about himself and how Henry's behavior bothered him. But here, you can see the moment he actually registers what he said about losing his dad, and the crown using him, and it's not about him anymore.

Even if you've never experienced the loss of a loved one, you can still understand the gravity of that situation. You may not know exactly what it feels like, but everyone knows it feels horrible.

You can see Alex thinking, and realizing that it had nothing to do with him. He's thinking about the fact that Henry had to deal with the loss of his father, which is already tragic and heartbreaking, but then on top of that, he hears that the crown used him for the attention his grief would bring them. Alex quickly goes from being mad about Henry's attitude to feeling so sad for him.

No. 6:

He laughs a little bit about Henry's quip about him being "ghastly", but it shifts into a small, almost unnoticeable smile. He's so content and happy to be talking to him. Henry probably is too, but both of them are kind of aware that there's no reason for them to stay on the phone any longer. There's a pause before Henry finally says he's going to hang up, and Alex, being the little shit he is, wants to be the one to hang up. Henry lets him, but it takes him several seconds of silence, and Henry making a comment about what the red button was for, before he actually turns over and hangs up. It's so obvious that he doesn't want to, but he subconsciously knows there's no reason to keep talking.

Sometimes when you're on the phone with a friend (or partner), you fall into this rhythm and comforting space of having a friend with you, even if they're not in the room. It's a nice feeling, and when you have to hang up, it can bring about this little wave of sadness. When you hang up, you're suddenly very alone again. I've had it happen to me tons of times after talking to friends on the phone.

The way he smiles softly tells me he's feeling that comfort and relaxation that I described. Then he's reluctant to hang up, because even if they're not talking, they can feel each other's presence through the phone, and that makes him feel like he's not alone.

That's all for now! I might make a part two, we'll see! Thank you for reading if you got this far! :3

Update: If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

part 2 | part 3

[crazyunsexycool]

My Little Love

Chapter 35

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: fluff, Lottie being a cute, Henry being sweet,

A/N: This is just a filler chapter and I'm not super in love with it. I wanted to set up Sugar and Honey's future friendship. Also because Honey and Steve are not a thing yet in this series Lottie gives Honey a nickname of her own...

Series masterlist

The new house was almost completely furnished so it was a no-brainer that you’d moved in already. The master bedroom was a dream come true with a giant walk-in closet, en-suite bathroom and a private balcony that looked out to the back yard. You loved that it was still on the compound grounds but separate. The best part was that Tony was having one made for everyone on the team so it would be like a little community with just your friends. Most of the houses were halfway finished too.

You had been surprised when Tony offered your father a position as a part time instructor for the agents in training. Eddie had been in the military and had the knowledge so he accepted, he even took your old apartment. He’d decided to rent out the family home since it was just him now. Luke and Molly of course had their own place. Josh and Sofia were still in college and living in the dorm rooms. Living at the compound made more sense to Eddie and now he was closer to all of his kids. It would be best for him since he wouldn’t be as lonely anymore. Not since Lorraine disappeared, to them at least. You knew the truth and you couldn’t stop thinking about how you’d tell your family or how you would handle the situation once she was found. 

There’s a dip at the end of the bed that pulls you out of your thoughts. You close the book you stopped reading a while ago and look up to see Bucky crawling his way up towards you. He smiles before giving you a quick kiss and then settling down over your lower half. Bucky snakes his arms around your hips, his head rests over your midsection and his eyes close as he sighs peacefully. You run your fingers through his hair, down his shoulders and back up. Bucky groans at the sensation. The engagement ring catches your eyes for the thousandth time that day and you can’t help but smile. 

“We should get married.” You say after a moment of silence. 

“What do you think the ring was for?” 

You giggle. “I mean we should start planning.” 

“Sugar, as long as it’s me and you in front of an officiant I don’t care where or when we do it. We can have a big wedding or we can elope. The final choice is up to you as long as you become my wife and no one objects because I really don’t want to murder anyone on our wedding day.” 

“You can’t murder anyone on our wedding day.” 

“I can’t make any promises. But what I can do is help plan. Just say the word and I’ll do whatever you want.” Bucky says confidently. 

“What about the rest of our lives?” 

“I’ll definitely help with that. Let’s see, we have jobs and a house.” Bucky starts saying.

“What about kids? We have two already.” 

Bucky shifts slightly so that he can look at you. “Do you want more kids?” 

“Maybe.” 

“I’d love more kids.” 

“How many is ‘more’ to you?” You tilt your head to the side. 

The conversation gets put on hold when Lottie stops in the hallway.

“Hey.” Lottie calls out from the doorway with a little pout on her lips. “Wanna cuddle too.” 

“Then come up here.” 

She jumps on the bed and you point at Bucky’s back. Lottie giggles before throwing herself on top of Bucky. He grunts when she lands on his back. Her little arms fall around his sides and she even tickles him. You can’t help but chuckle as Bucky pretends to feel ticklish for his daughter's sake. Henry steps into your bedroom a few seconds later with Alpine in his arms. He takes one look at whatever is happening on the bed and furrows his brows in confusion. 

“Bubba help.” Lottie yells with a laugh when Bucky flips her off his back and tries to grab her. 

Henry places Alpine down and  jumps on the bed and then on Bucky. 

“Aren’t you gonna help, Sugar? I’m being attacked from all sides.” Bucky says from under the two kids who have now overpowered him, supposedly. 

As you reach for Henry he turns invisible and takes Charlotte with him. All you hear is the echo of their footsteps and laughter. They even taunt Bucky from somewhere in the house that he can’t get them. Bucky props himself up on his elbows and looks at you with a dreamy look in his eyes. 

“I want more of that with as many kids as you’ll give me.” Bucky answers the question you’d asked him before Lottie walked in. “I don’t care if it’s one or four or ten.” 

“Not ten.” 

Bucky chuckles. “The point is that whatever happens, however many kids we have, I’ll be more than happy to share all of that with you.” 

You smile softly at him then lean forward and kiss him. 

“We have some kids to catch.” You say against his lips.

Bucky huffs a laugh, his eyes and nose wrinkling. He gets up and holds a hand out for you. 

“Ready or not, here we come.” You announce loudly, receiving a scream from Lottie. 

You were panting, hands on your hips and sweaty. Even though you weren’t an active member of the Avengers anymore you still kept up with your training, just in case. It was a beautiful day outside so you opted for a run. You’d just finished and were catching your breath when Bruce’s lab assistant walked up to you. She played with the pearl necklace she was wearing as she moved closer. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” You say her name and smile.

“So I hate to do this but I was wondering if I could get your help.” She states.

“Well I can try. What’s going on? Are Bruce and Tony up to something?” 

She shakes her head before placing her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. 

“There’s this piece of equipment that was brought from the tower but they couldn’t get it into the building the normal way. It doesn’t fit through the hallways. Tony was able to get a window off the building but it’s getting complicated.” She sighs in frustration. “I was wondering if you could, you know.” She brings a hand up and wiggles her fingers. 

You chuckle but nod your head. 

“Lead the way.” You turn to see that Henry and Lottie are standing beside Bucky while he’s putting the recruits through some training. The kids are cheering them on and even handing out water bottles to some. 

**** 

You stood at the far end of the lab where Tony had the glass pane removed. Outside on the lawn sat a pretty big machine wrapped up in a tarp. With your hands on your hip you consider how to best move this thing. 

“Where do you want this?” You turn back and look at Bruce’s assistant. 

“Here would be fine. If it’s not too much trouble.” She answers while pointing towards a corner of the room. 

“Ok.” 

You take a deep breath and close your eyes while concentrating on the machine below. Slowly and evenly the machine starts to levitate and then move higher until it’s at your level. Then you manipulate it to move toward the building. 

“Does it look like I can actually pull it in?” You ask as you survey the entry point. 

“You have enough space to bring it in without hitting the other windows.” 

You nod and walk backwards, pulling the machine in your direction until it’s in the room.

“Can you take the cover off before I set it down?” 

She rushes over and removes the tarp with a small smile. It’s obvious she’s excited about this because you don’t see her smiling that much. With whatever this machine is in place you finally set it down. She inspects it and nods in approval.

“Thank you. Tony was taking forever in getting his bots to fly this up.” 

“You’re welcome.” You smile at her. “Listen, I was if I were to invite you for dinner-“ 

“No.” She said way too quickly it almost made you chuckle. “Sorry I just- I’m not good with the whole friend thing.” 

“It’s ok. I was just going to invite you to dinner on Friday night at my place. Steve will be there too, if it makes you feel more comfortable. Don’t feel pressured to go but the invitation stands. Not just for Friday but any day.”

“I uh-“ 

“Mama.” Lottie calls out for you with a sing songy lilt to her voice. The double doors slide open and in walks your daughter with a smile on her face. “Oh hi mama.” She turns and greets Bruce’s assistant. 

“Hello Charlotte. I saw you training the recruits.” 

Charlotte’s smile grew brighter. “Am helping dada.” 

“Well you’re doing a good job.” 

“Tank you.”

“Well the offer stands.” You said softly. “Even if it’s just for coffee or if you need anything at all.” 

She gives you a small nod and thanks you again for your help. 

“Alright sweet Angel, say goodbye to doc.” 

“Duck?” Lottie looks confused. “Mama is no duck.” 

“I said doc like doctor, sweet Angel.” 

“Oh, duck is cute, wike a duckie. Can be my duckie?” She looks up hopefully at the other woman. 

She puts her hand on her chin like she’s thinking about it for a moment. Lottie is practically holding her breath.

“Ok you can call me Duckie. But only you.” 

“An bubba?” 

She smiles. “Sure and bubba but no one else ok?” 

“Ok, Duckie.”

“Alright sweet Angel let’s go. I need a shower.” 

“Yeah, mama you gots stinky butt.” 

“How. Dare. You?” You said, acting shocked. 

Charlotte’s eyes grew wide before she started laughing. You moved to grab her but she ran. 

“I’m gonna get you and make you all stinky.” 

Charlotte lets out what sounds like a mixture between a shriek and a laugh before running toward the sliding doors. You smile and say your goodbyes before leaving. Charlotte runs back into the lab.

“See you Fwiday. I see it, bye.” She calls out before leaving again.

The newly nicknamed Duckie stands there amused at Lottie’s behavior. 

Friday had arrived rather quickly. Bucky has kissed you goodbye about ten times already and he jogged up the porch steps one more time and gave you two more just to keep the kisses even. You laughed and pushed him toward the car you used to get to and from the compound. 

“Dada wait!” Lottie ran out of the house and stopped him as he started to reverse. 

Bucky parked and got out of the car to meet her. 

“What’s up, Doll?” 

“One mo’ hug.” She stretched her arms out in order for Bucky to hold her. 

“There’s always time for one more hug.” 

He kisses her all over her cheeks and forehead before letting her down. 

“Good wuck dada. Lobe you.” Lottie waved him off from the porch. 

Just as you were about to turn to head into the house the sound of a golf cart got your attention. 

“Duckie!” Lottie cheered as Bruce’s assistant got out and stood at the bottom of the steps.

You said her name with a smile, “I’m glad you came by.” 

She had her hands in her pockets and she looked at the floor before giving a small nod. 

“Well Charlotte said she saw it and Steve encouraged me to come over.”

“That’s good, come on in.” 

She walked up the steps and let Lottie take her hand. Lottie pulled her into the house while you reminded your daughter to be gentle. After leading her newest friend with you Lottie disappears into her playroom. 

“Want anything to drink? We have water, soda, beer, wine and juice boxes.” 

She smiled before asking for water. You placed a glass in front of her. 

“So…” you both say at the same time. 

“Go ahead.” 

“How did you and Steve become friends?” She asked. 

“I called him out on his bullshit immediately and will continue to do so happily.” 

She nods in agreement. “Good plan.” 

“How about you? How did you two meet?”

“I walked into my lab and found him alone. It was about a month after you had been taken. He was really upset about it.”

You nod and give her a tight lipped smile.  “Thank you for being there for him.” 

Henry walks in and stops when he sees there’s a guest. While he’s now used to having people around he still gets shy around unexpected guests. He smiles shyly before taking his place beside you and asking how he can help. You have him set the table and then get himself and Lottie cleaned up.

**** 

You sat at the dinner table with Henry and Duckie. Lottie was on your lap but you didn’t mind. Since you came back whenever Bucky had to go on a mission she would cling to you whenever possible. That didn’t stop her from playing little hostess though. She made sure to ask Duckie questions and even extended an invitation to a tea party later. 

“Habe some mama.” Lottie holds up her spoon, offering some dessert to you. 

“Mmm, that’s so yummy. Thank you for making dessert bubs.” 

“Henry, you made this?” Duckie asks. 

“Yeah. Mama taught me how to make a lot of things.” 

“He’s a natural in the kitchen. I just taught him the basics. He’s learned a lot on his own.” You smile proudly at your sweet boy.

“Amazing. You should be really proud of yourself. I can’t cook to save my life. So thank you both for feeding me.” 

“Well you can always come here to eat, right mama?” Henry looks at you for confirmation.

“Absolutely. Especially for Henry’s pastries they’re to die for.” 

“Yeah, is so yummy.” Lottie adds before spooning more dessert into her mouth. 

****

Once everyone was done you cleaned up the table, being joined at the kitchen sink by Duckie. She was glad to help with washing dishes.

“You’re a good mom.” She says quietly.

“Thank you.”

“I mean it.” She says and it makes you stop to look at her. “I know it must’ve been difficult at the beginning but I see that you truly love them and they love you.”

You could tell there was something behind the statement but you didn’t want to push her. 

“The beginning wasn’t easy but they just needed some patience and love and I do love them so much.” 

She gives you a small smile and you both turn to finish washing up. Just as the last dish is done you offer some wine which she accepts surprisingly. The two of you talk for a little longer, keeping the conversation light. You both share more about your jobs and how you got started. 

There are quick steps down the stairs, which you now know is Charlotte. You turn just as she stops in front of the door. A few seconds later Bucky is walking in with Steve following behind. 

“Dada.” Charlotte launches herself into Bucky’s arms. 

“Hi doll. How did you know I was going to walk in just now?” He asks in almost a joking manner.

“I see it.” She smiles proudly. “Hi Steebie.” 

Bucky gives Lottie a kiss on her forehead before handing her over to Steve. Henry surprise attacked Bucky by jumping on his back while invisible. 

“I thought you had a three day mission. What happened?”

“Halfway there we were informed that local authorities had raided the warehouses. Apparently they had been doing an undercover investigation for about a year.” Bucky shrugs before making his way to you and giving you a quick kiss.

“Good, we missed you already.” 

Bucky greeted your guest before excusing himself to change into something more comfortable. 

“We have leftovers, I’ll make you a plate. Steve, are you staying?” You tell him.

“If it’s not too much trouble.” He smiles at you before turning to his newest friend. “I’m glad you came over.”

“Yeah, it was nice.” 

You smile and give them a moment alone by heading into the kitchen. Lottie follows you and offers to help somehow. She’s just happy that Bucky and Steve are back. 

Just as the microwave is done Bucky makes his way back out. He’s dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He takes a seat at the table and Lottie makes herself comfortable in his lap. She rested her head against his chest while he and Steve ate. 

The four adults and Henry are talking and joking around. You’re happy to see Duckie opening up around you a bit more. Although you know it has to do with Steve being here. 

“She’s asleep.” Bucky says softly while looking down at his daughter. “I’ll be back. I’m going to put her down.”

“I should be going. Thank you for having me.” 

“Of course,” you say to Duckie as you walk her out. “Remember you’re always welcomed here, for whatever you need.” 

“Thanks. Good night.” 

“I’m going to go back home too.” Steve says before giving you a kiss on the cheek. 

“How convenient.” You murmur loud enough for Steve to hear.

He rolls his eyes but heads out anyway and offers to accompany Duckie back toward the main compound building. 

Upstairs, Bucky sets Charlotte down and then helps Henry get settled for the night. 

You’re writing something down in your notebook as Bucky walks into your room and settles down next to you . He’s watching as you continue your writing with a smile.

“What’s that smile for?” You ask without looking up.

“I’m glad that I could be home instead of out on that mission.” 

“We’re glad you’re home safe too.” You finally finish writing and set the notebook down before turning all of your attention to him. “What do you think about the end of August?” 

“For what?” 

“For the wedding. It would be before school starts and warm enough that we could have an outdoor weddingng.” 

Bucky smiles and nods. “That would be great.” 

“How about a small wedding?” 

“That could work.” 

“Alright,” you lean in and kiss him. “Let’s plan a wedding.” 

Ch. 36

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[syntheticavenger]

💊 Fragile Ask

👀 what about her parents???

Ooh Alice! Let's take a look.

gif by @flordeamatista

Suspicious

Word Count: 600

Warnings: 18+ ONLY due to the fragile AU.

Summary | A visit reveals an opportunity for help.

Your mother flings the door open at the sight of the black car that pulls up to the curb, motioning for your father to come. 

Six months from your alleged disappearance, one that was kept hidden by your savior, Steve, who is careful when he helps you out of the car, placing the scarf around your neck. Tears spring to your mother’s eyes at the sight of you, Steve whispering something in your ear as you nod, a giant package in his hand.

Your father is not convinced, holding tight to your mother as you and Steve make your way up the steps.

It’s never been like you to not call, not to text or go for days without some sort of communication. You’ve let him largely answer for you.

Questions linger in his mind, your father watching your mother embrace you as he sizes up Steve. He shakes his hand firmly, the Captain politely helping you take off your coat as your mother fusses over you.

“You look so good! I have hot chocolate in the kitchen. Steve, would you like some?” your mother asks, ushering you down the hall.

“I’d like some, thank you, ma'am,” he replies, noticing your father.

“I want to thank you for taking care of my daughter while she dealt with her mysterious illness. Director Fury had called us a few times to inquire if we knew where she was. I have to wonder, Captain Rogers, if you didn’t think to share your goodwill with your own boss?”

“She asked me not to,” Steve says, looking down at his shoes. “She didn’t want to worry him. Breakthrough heat caused her a lot of pain.”

Your father hears your laughter, nearly soothing him for a moment. For now, you’re under his roof.

Safe, at least, as long as he has eyes on you.

“And your marriage? Not like you to not be traditional in that sense.”

“We plan to have a bigger ceremony, Sir. I almost lost her,” Steve says quietly, looking down the hallway as your mother and your voices mingle. “As a father, I know my feelings can’t compare but she and I grew close at the compound. I’ve lived a very lonely life as I’m sure you can empathize. She healed something in me that I didn’t know I needed. It was a whirlwind and I apologize for both of us not sharing that moment.”

Your father nods, Steve looking at the record player and albums.

“Mind if I look?”

-

The hot chocolate is rich as you sip it, your mother smoothing back your hair with a soft touch.

“I don’t know what happened but I’m just happy you’re home.”

You can hear your father and Steve, your wedding ring glittering under the light as your mother picks up your hand.

“It’s beautiful,” your mother gasps. “Must have cost a fortune.”

“Mom,” you say nervously, trying to keep your voice low. “I need to tell you something.”

Immediately she holds you close, trying to contain her tears as you whisper in her ear.

“And I think it’s a lovely,” your mother says loudly as she squeezes you tight. “Brings me to tears. Henry, did you hear it?”

You turn just in time to see Steve and your father, Steve looking at you carefully.

“She wants us to come for a weekend!” your mother says, your father brightening. “We would love to.”

Your mother hugs you again, whispering even lower in your ear.

“I’ll tell him, I promise,” your mother says before pulling away from you. “Should we eat? I bet you’re hungry.”

[leviachad]

5 More Things I 🧡 About Leviathan

6. I love how much he values friendship. It's clear from the way he idolizes the friendship between Henry and Lord of Shadow / Ruri-chan and Azuki-tan that all he really wants is a close friend. He wants to experience having a bond with someone whom he can trust with his heart and soul. Yet he builds up walls and refuses to let others get too close; his heart is fragile, and betrayal would hurt him more than anything. He claims he doesn't need friends and is fine on his own, but it's easy to see just how lonely he feels. That's why, when MC comes along and we break thru that barrier between him and the world, and we hold his heart in our hands, I was so happy when he called us his best friend, his Henry. I don't feel friendzoned when he says that, because with Levi, friendship is everything 🧡

7. I love that he's oblivious to the fact that he's a total tsundere. He makes fun of Mammon for being one, but doesn't realize he acts the same way, which is so funny...I love to tease him about it when we can. When he says something but it's clear from his behavior he means the opposite, it's too cute!

8. I love how, despite being self conscious about his interests, he's still so passionate about them and shares his love with the whole world. His brothers never stop hearing about them, and it makes me genuinely happy when they actually remember some of Levi's ramblings. It's how he expresses himself and relates to the world around him. It was so sweet when he mentioned some demons made fun of him geeking out and we could choose to go beat those mfers up.

9. I love that he says internet lingo such as "LOL, LMAO, XD" and meme references out loud because he's just like me fr. He's such a dork 💞

10. I love that he's the definition of MOE!! 💖

MOE-MOE-KYUN!~☆

[theweirdgoodbyes]

“C’mon, lemme help you. You’re breakin’ my heart.”

It’s a Thursday night, the Eagles are playing against the Patriots, and Babe Heffron is one miserable son of a bitch. He had called Bill for an emergency meeting after a particularly gruesome day at work, which including him chasing a student eloping out of the building and down the streets of Philadelphia in 15 degree weather. Why administration hadn’t listened to him about needing locks on his doors, he’ll never understand. Babe ended the day freezing, frustrated, and with a pile of paperwork. He loved his job as a special education teacher, and loved making a difference in young lives. But days like today always brought him back to their familiar spot, The Currahee, much needed beer in hand. One beer had turned into two, and then three, and then Babe lamenting his lonely existence as a perpetually single gay man.

“Pussy hound Bill Guarnere wants to help me pick up a guy? Has hell frozen over?” Babe asks sarcastically, pressing two fingers to the pulse in his neck, “Am I dead?”

“Shaddup. Don’t act like the guys wouldn’t go crazy over me.”

Babe leans forward, reaching out to pat Bill’s arm, “Oh, baby, you drive me crazy alright.”

Babe would do anything for Bill Guarnere. When they were sixteen, and Babe finally understood why he didn’t look at girls the way other guys did, he was terrified to tell Bill that he was gay. Bill, all rough edges and macho energy, had been his best friend since the first day of kindergarten. “You tryna play?” Bill had barked at him the moment Babe stepped into the classroom, still clinging to his mother’s legs. From that moment on the two of them were inseparable. The idea of losing Bill was scarier than anything he could think of, and it took Babe months and several pep talks in the mirror to muster up the courage. So one fateful night, as they drank some stolen beers on Babe’s childhood trampoline, Babe just blurted it out.

“Bill, I like guys.”

Bill was silent for a moment, before tossing his beer over the netting and rolling on top of Babe to envelop him in a giant hug. Babe hugged him back and fought back tears against his shoulder, comforted by Bill’s gruff assurances that best friends forever meant forever. Ten years later, here they are, still thick as thieves, and Bill is adamant that all of Babe’s problems will be solved by getting laid.

“Alright, ‘nough of the funny business,” Bill puts his hands up, as serious as he could ever be. “You want my help or not? I’m tired of listenin’ to you piss and moan over what’s his face.”

“Henry,” Babe sighs, thinking of his ex boyfriend. They had only dated for the summer while Henry was doing an internship in the area. He had gone back to Buffalo in August, and Babe’s love life has been bleak since.

“Yeah, Fuckface McGee, him. You were too good for him, Babe, didn’t I always tell you that?” Bill raises a furry eyebrow, forgetting that according to him Babe was too good for every boyfriend he’s had. He had also taken up the obnoxious but well-meaning habit of running every guy Babe had ever spoken to through the database at the police station, with something as small as a speeding ticket enough to make him concerned. “How long have you known me?”

“Too damn long.”

“And have I ever steered you wrong?”

Before Babe can open his mouth, Bill points at him with a shake of his head, “Don’t answer that. Take a good look around this bar and take your pick. Daddy’s gonna help you.”

Babe looks around the bar. It’s a freezing night in January, so it’s only regulars like him and Bill who have no better place to be. He scans past familiar faces until he sees someone he doesn’t recognize.

“Him.”

Bill turns to look. This stranger is sitting at the bar, eyes laser-focused on the game playing above him. Babe can’t make out the color, but can feel the intensity in them from across the room. He’s got a short crop of black hair to match his furrowed brows, a bit of stubble, and lips that Babe is very interested in seeing up close.

“That guy? The little one with the face?”

“He’s not little.”

“You think he’s on your team?”

Babe keeps looking at this handsome stranger, taking more of him in. His gaydar has always been horrible, highlighted by the confident kiss he had once given his buddy Welsh only to gently be told that friends is all they would ever be. Babe runs on the assumption because it’s 2024, and the world is a much more accepting place than it was ten years ago, that trying to hit on a straight guy isn’t the worst thing that could happen. The stranger is still wearing his coat, despite the stuffy bar air, arms crossed and hands tucked under his armpits like he’s cold. He’s found a lonely corner of the bar, and the drink in front of him is empty. He’s got an air about him that’s says “leave me the fuck alone”, and Babe sees him shake his head when the bartender goes over. Maybe he’s getting ready to leave, he thinks. Babe starts to second guess himself, and begins looking around to see his other options. Handsome Stranger’s mysterious vibe is intriguing, but the possibility of rejection would put Babe in the ground after his rough day.

“I’m goin’ in,” Bill stands up before Babe can protest and struts over to the bar, misplaced confidence oozing out of him.

Babe can only watch in horror as Bill plops himself down next to Handsome Stranger, sticks out a meaty hand, and begins to jabber away. He decides that’s all he needs to see and sets his sight on the nearest TV just in time to watch the Eagles make a touchdown. At least it’s a good day for the Bird Gang.

A moment passes and Babe finds the courage to look back at the bar. He sees Bill stomping back over to him, face contorted in a scowl that Babe is all too familiar with. The conversation cannot have gone in his favor. The guy is definitely straight, potentially homophobic based on Bill’s visible anger.

“What did he say?” Babe dares to ask. He puts his glass to his lips, praying for a miracle.

“First of all, kid must be fuckin’ blind because he took one look at me and says ‘Absolutely not’.”

Babe chokes on his beer, sputtering foam all over the table. He pounds his chest with his fist, willing himself to breathe through his laughter. It’s not often that Bill faces rejection, and the obvious wound to his ego is something Babe will savor for years to come.

“So I says, ‘Listen, toots’-“

Babe’s laughter is cut short and he groans, because of course Bill would make an ass of himself, and by extension, Babe. “Bill, no, you did not call him ‘toots’-“

“I says, ‘first of all, you ain’t my type, with the lack of tits and that pissy pout-“

“BILL!”

“-and you ain’t for me, you’re for the poor fucker sittin’ over here’”, Bill plops back down in his chair, shaking his head. He finishes his beer and sighs, like the interaction has exhausted him, “And then I walked away before I punched him in the mouth.”

Babe just drops his head down on the table. This isn’t the first time Bill has been an absolute beast in public, and it certainly won’t be the last. Babe’s minuscule dream of a night not spent alone has been dashed.

“You need a muzzle,” he mumbles to the wood, “I’m gonna have to tie you to the pole outside. Put up a sign that says, ‘please don’t pet me, I bite’.”

“Don’t be a prick. Can’t say I didn’t tr-“

“Hey.”

Babe looks up and Jesus Christ, Handsome Stranger is standing right in front of him. Although the bar is quieter than usual, the man had appeared with such silence that Babe wonders if he appeared out of thin air. He can barely believe this is real, certain that the guy was either straight or so repulsed by Bill that all hope was lost.

“Hey,” he squeaks out. Oh, Christ. He clears his throat and repeats himself, “Hey.”

The guy stares at him with those dark eyebrows still furrowed, like he’s looking at something under a microscope. Suddenly self-conscious under his unrelenting gaze, Babe runs his hand over his forehead, trying to rub away any red mark that might be left from slamming his head down.

God, up close he really is hot. His eyes are somewhere between blue and grey, complimented by the blue scrubs he’s wearing under his coat. Babe feels his cheeks turning as red as his hair, but unable to look away from those unblinking eyes. Over the hum of distant conversations and game commentary, Babe wonders if Handsome Stranger can hear his heart thumping out of his chest.

“You his friend?” He sticks a thumb at Bill, who immediately straightens up.

“His best friend, actu-“

“Give me your phone.”

Babe could fall out of his chair. There’s no way.

“My what?”

“Your phone. It’s right there.” Handsome Stranger points to where it rests on the table next to Babe’s glass.

“Oh, yeah, sure, here.” Babe scrambles to grab his phone and unlock it, handing it over quicker than he would like to admit.

The stranger taps at it and then quickly types something in and hands it back to Babe. He looks to see his contacts open, with a new addition: Eugene Roe. He doesn’t recognize the area code, explaining why he’s never seen this Eugene before tonight.

“Cool beans,” is all Babe can think to say because holy shit, he did not expect Bill to actually pull through with this. When he looks up again, Eugene Roe is gone. He looks to the door just in time to see it swing shut, catching a quick glimpse of white sneakers walking away.

Bill gives him a shit eat grinning and grabs his shoulders to give him a rough shake.

“Cool beans? What are you, fuckin’ twelve?”

“I panicked,” Babe defends himself. He can’t help but smile and looks back at his phone. He wonders if it would make him seem desperate to text him right now. Yeah, it would, he decides, maybe he’ll wait an hour-

Bill cackles, a sound that shocks Babe back into reality. “Never say I never did nothin’ for you, even though that guy is already on thin fuckin’ ice with me. Now go buy me a beer. The king is thirsty.”

Babe happily obliges, making his way over to the bar in a half-daze. While the bartender pours Bill’s beer, Babe looks back over to where his handsome no-longer a stranger was sitting. Eugene Roe, he thinks, who are you?

(Now posted on my ao3 with some edits! https://archiveofourown.org/works/53977666#work_endnotes)

[caterpills]

WIP Wednesday

Hello lovelies ❤️ A little late today, but still getting it in on the day it's supposed to be! Thank you kindly for the tags @onthewaytosomewhere @taste-thewaste @thesleepyskipper @duchessdepolignaca03 @judasofsuburbia

It's been such a struggle to find time this week to write (the horrors, they persist) but there are words, they exist for the next chapter of firstprince publicist/author AU! Here's a few:

It takes a while to get out of the city. Muscle memory pulls Alex onto the highway, then off again. Paved streets give way to gravel, give way to dirt. Henry is quiet most of the drive, his face pressed to the window, watching the city lights fade from Texas suburbia into yawning night-touched fields. The music is low, something with delicate piano and a soothing alto, just to fill the muted interior. Alex wants to reach for Henry's hand, but he's too busy wrangling the stick shift and the uneven roads. It's a lost opportunity that he'll agonize over later.

Open tag as always! ❤️ (I'm so afraid of missing people, but I SEE YOU.) Just tag me if you use it in case I miss something!

And because I can, and because people have made me cry happy tears with their lovely comments this week especially about That One Scene™, here's a singular behind the scenes inspo thing for the Chicago chapter.

There's a word waterfall that immediately piques Alex's interest.

The large-scale installation is a dark room, lit by repeating projections of words—from Walt Whitman to Maya Angelou��that cascade down and across each of the walls. He and Henry stand near the leather ottomans in the middle of the room, allowing the word-based immersive experience to settle over them. Alex feels contemplative, meditative, fucking calm.

As Carl Sandburg's poem unfurls across the wall ("Love is a deep and a dark and a lonely—") Alex sneaks a glance at Henry. Unexpectedly, Alex is met with Henry's open and expectant gaze already on him. Alex shares a single breath in tandem before Henry's eyes divert with practiced ease and a delicate smile. Alex is gripped with a sudden urge to keep finding out what would make Henry do that again, to capture that smile for longer.

[sserpente]

The Demobat Queen

A/N: Okay, hear me out. I got this idea from the app that shall not be named and then it suddenly turned into 10k words. Classic.

Synopsis: After the Demobats attack Eddie, you find him dead in the dirt. At least that is what you think he is. But when he coughs, you see a chance. A chance to be less lonely in this dark and gloomy dimension. You feed him your blood to heal him and, after some initial suspicion, he warms up to you. For the first time ever, you get to experience what it’s like to have a friend. But before you can explore your growing feelings for Eddie, the desire to be close to him, to kiss him even, he makes it his mission to return back to Hawkins, to leave you behind for good. You don’t really blame him. He doesn’t belong here. And after all, a bat’s love can never be reciprocated… right?

Words: 10669 Warnings: fluff, angst, blood and feeding, near-death experiences, violence, burns/fire, vampire/bat!Reader

“I made this world mine. I own it. I own you.”

“You don’t control me, Henry. You never did. We struck a bargain and we agreed to live in peace after that. Remember that.” Your eyes flashed red as you spoke, the veins under your eyes protruding and giving you a downright eerie look, you could see it through the dirty mirror in the house you resided in.

Henry—or what was left of him—remained unfazed. Growling, he turned away from you.

“I’ve kept my word so far. You let them come too close,” you stressed.

His flesh was singed, soot covering his half-rotten limbs from the burning petrol. Tilting your head, you narrowed your red eyes at him and dug your nails into your fists until they stung.

“Your thirst for revenge will kill you eventually and you know that.”

“You dare threaten me?”

“I have no desire to kill you, you know that. So why would I threaten you with it? The girl you’re after… she can’t be worth all of this trouble. I want a way out. I want to be up there, I want a real life.”

“You don’t belong there,” he growled.

“You are the reason they would hunt me down like a rabid animal now.” This time, his growl practically tore through the cool darkness around you. Turning on your heel, you marched away from him, feeling his burning gaze on your back as you conjured your bat-like wings, spread them, and took off without looking back.

You counted a dozen or so bats dead on the cold and uneven ground of the trailer park. Stabbed, beaten to death, or sliced open by a sharp object. Your heart bled upon seeing their lifeless bodies, yet more victims of Henry’s thirst for vengeance.

He might not have controlled you… yet even though the bats listened to you and did your bidding based on trust and likeliness, it was Henry who controlled what happened in this dimension. You took a deep breath, the metallic smell of blood filling your nostrils and igniting your hunger.

You landed, scanning the ground for the source when you spotted a young man, bloody and torn open by the bats, with three of them still feasting on his flesh. He was alone—collateral damage after a failed assassination attempt. If anyone had been with him when he died, they’d had to leave his body behind. A sigh escaped your lips as your feet touched the ground and you tucked your wings away, your head whipping in his direction when he coughed with a start, blood presumably pooling in his lungs and choking him from the inside out. Your lips parted. He’s still alive.

“Shoo! That’s enough!” The bats didn’t listen. Not until you flung them out of the way with your bare hands. “I said that’s enough! Off with you now!”

His eyes were closed, his white and ripped shirt drenched in blood and revealing the countless bite marks all over his chest. More blood was dribbling from the corners of his mouth as he coughed again. You knelt next to him, indecisiveness creeping up your spine.

You could heal him with your blood. But if you were too late, if he was too close to death already… Henry would kill you if you turned him, made him part of this world. You cursed under your breath when your fangs forced their way past your lips, causing you to hiss. Only another heartbeat passed before you brought your wrist to your lips and sunk your canines into it, drawing blood to feed him.

His eyes remained shut even when he felt your cool skin against his mouth. He gagged soon after your blood poured down his throat.

“Drink… drink it,” you whispered. Henry could not hear you—he had long stopped keeping tabs on you. There was nothing you could do, after all. But you could tell the boy was scared. He was young, on the verge of proper manhood, twenty-two at most. As you drew away, you wondered just how he had winded up in this fruitless conquest to kill a monster who controlled an entire dimension.

“Help me carry him home,” was all you said when he lost consciousness again. The bats hissed before obeying you, digging their claws into his clothes to carry him off. You followed suit.

Your so-called home must have been a lively house up in the light dimension, as you liked to call it. Inhabited by a happy family, perhaps. Here, it was but a depressing and empty place to retreat to, a mere illusion of civilisation. This dimension was a lonely one, after all.

You flinched when the young man who now recovered on your bed finally gasped for air a few hours later and sat up straight as if awoken by a nightmare. You hurried over to his side, gently forcing him back on the mattress. It had taken him long enough.

“Easy… easy! Take it slow.”

“W-wha…” He coughed, eyes widening when he noticed you properly. Your smile was hesitant, timid.

“Welcome back. I was worried you wouldn’t make it. You lost a lot of blood.”

“W-hat the hell… happened?”

“Well, you almost died. And you took down quite a few of my bats with you.” In an instant, his expression grew harder. Coldly, he scanned your form, hostility radiating from him. Granted, you probably looked quite intimidating, dressed all in leather and a long coat made of the same material. He sat up again.

“You need to rest.” When he simply stared at you, you pushed him back into a lying position. “I said rest. I healed you with my blood,” you continued. “I don’t just do that lightly, it’s incredibly risky. You need to rest for it to circulate through your body properly. It will take a while. Be patient.”

“You… fed me your blood,” he stated then. To be honest, it sounded more like a question. You nodded matter-of-factly.

“Who are you?”

“I haven’t used my name in so long that I think I can’t remember it anymore. Why don’t you give me one?” It was true. Your real name was buried along with those you had taken to the grave. Creatures, humanoids with a thirst for blood like you before they’d cast you out of what little of a society this dimension possessed. Your name was there, of course. You hadn’t literally forgotten it. But it sounded so foreign and strange to you that it felt wrong to still use it. Especially after making a deal with who could only be compared to the devil.

“Then what are you?” he asked instead. He swallowed thickly, noticing only now that you had cleared his face of all the blood. You had taken his bandana off to clean him up while he was still unconscious. It was currently in a pile with the rest of the bloody shreds of fabric you had used.

“I believe you can answer that question for yourself. But I don’t have powers like Henry does.”

“Henry? You mean Vecna? You’re with him?” he bellowed.

“Vecna? Is that what you call him up there? I’m not with him. I struck a deal with him out of necessity. I wanted to survive when he showed up, much like you now,” you snapped.

“What the hell does that mean then, am I turning into a vampire?”

“More like a humanoid bat but… no… it’s more complicated than that. You would have to die with my blood still in your system. You didn’t. Give it a few days and you’ll be fine, Eddie.”

The young man blinked at you. “How do you know my name?”

“What, Eddie? Is that really your name? I was making a joke. It’s a reference. Eddie Van Halen, you know? You look a little like him.”

Eddie stared at you for a moment, unable to return the smile you offered him. “Was there… was there anyone else there? When you found me?”

You shook your head. “No. You were alone.”

Eddie nodded, realising it was probably for the best that whoever had left him behind had done so for their own good.

“You must be famished. We need to find you some food. Can I trust you’ll stay here and won’t wander off? I can’t guarantee my bats will leave you alone when I’m not near.”

“You gotta get those fuckers under control then…” he mumbled, sitting up for the third time. You raised your eyebrows.

“If you are referring to the lake, you intruded on their territory. They were just defending it. Besides, I don’t control them. They just… choose to do as I say.”

“They almost killed Steve!”

“Whoever Steve is, I’m sure he won’t make the same mistake again then. Nor will you. Stay put until I’m back. If I had wanted to hurt you, I would have already. Besides, I can’t risk Henry finding you here.”

It sounded absurd but the restaurants in the light dimension… threw perfectly consumable food out, more than you could count. Eventually, it would appear here as well and if you were fast enough, you would be able to take it with you for Eddie to eat and regain his strength before it went rotten. You flew off outside your house, praying that the metalhead would listen to reason and do as he was told.

About twenty minutes or so later—time was relative down here, after all—you returned with two pizza boxes containing leftovers that were still warm when they appeared in between some black plastic bags.

The air had cooled it all down only a moment after but it would do. For just a brief moment, as you dug your hands into the bins behind the restaurant, you wondered why you bothered helping him in the first place. But the answer was obvious, was it not? You were lonely down here. Henry was not one for company and he was not one for chit-chat. Decades in solitude were gruesome, besides… you were not him. You might have been what Eddie referred to as a vampire but that did not make you a ruthless killer. You were a survivor.

“Eddie?”

“Still here…”

Relieved, you walked up the stairs and back into the room you had chosen for your bedroom, pizza boxes in hand.

“You are indeed.”

“There’s not exactly… lots of places for me to go, so…”

You smirked. “Fair point. And a wise choice. It’s not safe out there if you don’t know your way around.” You placed the cardboard boxes in front of him. “It’s not much but… it’ll do.” Eddie stared at them for a second. Next thing you knew, he opened them both, brown eyes widening. He dug in as if he hadn’t eaten in ages. Well, he probably hadn’t. You didn’t stop him. He needed all the sustenance he could get until your blood was out of his system.

“So, uh… you’re Vecna’s right hand then?” he said almost casually with his mouth full.

“I happen to exist in the same dimension. He doesn’t control me, we came to a more or less peaceful agreement. I mean you no harm, Eddie. I have no desire in destroying Hawkins, not like him.”

He swallowed. “Do you… consume blood?”

“I do. Occasionally. I need it to survive but I can go without it for a long time. It gives me… strength. And if I don’t feed for a while, I do get fatigued and burned out but other than that… I’m just like you. Well… minus the wings. I’m sure you don’t have those,” you added, winking at him.

“Who… or what… do you feed on?” he asked suspiciously in return.

“Creatures from this dimension… until, um…”

“What, like Demogorgons and shit?”

“What?”

“Those huge things with fangs for a face that looks like a flower? I’ve never seen one myself luckily but I’ve been told they’re quite terrifying.”

“I… if that’s what you want to call them. But I… I did try human blood when a few poor unfortunate souls ended up here against their will. I have no desire to make that a habit though just in case you’re still worried I am fattening you for slaughter.”

Eddie gave you a silent look before he continued eating. You watched him quietly with your arms crossed after sitting down at the small vanity in the room. The bats outside your house screeched, making you sigh.

“I’ll be right back…”

They knew he was in there, hungry for his blood and eager to feast, assuming he was as good as dead and that his body shouldn’t go to waste.

“Shut it! He’s off limits, do you hear me?” The bats flew around you in circles, following your every movement. One of them landed on your shoulder, screeching loudly as if to complain.

“No. He’s alive and well. Besides, he has my blood in his system at the moment. Stay away from him.” The bats flew a few more circles around you, following your hand as you pointed at the dark and gloomy sky.

“Kas…” Eddie suddenly said. You spun around, not having realised that he had followed you outside, hiding behind a garden rock. No wonder the bats were almost going insane.

You frowned. “Kas?”

Eddie slowly emerged once the last bat was out of sight. “You said you don’t have a name. That’s what I’m gonna call you. I figured… that fits?”

“Kas…” you repeated the name as if tasting a piece of candy. “Okay… I like it.”

“Is this because we are in a darker version of where you come from or is your room really this chaotic?” Grinning, you followed after him. Eddie’s room was plastered with metal band posters and a huge hand-drawn flag reading “Corroded Coffin”. Clothes and other bits and bobs lay scattered all over the place, along with the odd guitar pick, questionable décor, and… condoms on the nightstand. You blushed.

“Come on, it’s not that chaotic.”

Eddie had insisted on returning here and, after having him practically beg you for two days straight, you had agreed to accompany him. Even though the bats had kept their promise and did not lurk around for him anymore, it was still way too dangerous to let him roam freely around here. You liked the goofy metalhead, truly. Eddie was a deeply misunderstand young man with a knack for theatrics and for making people laugh. You shook your head, clearly disagreeing with him here. The room was an utter mess.

“So… you’re saying they blamed you for the murders in Hawkins? Because of a game you play?”

“Yepp… they needed a villain to hunt down and I guess I was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he mused, kicking a stool out of the way to reach for a guitar. It wasn’t the one he’d used on top of his trailer—you had heard him play, provoke the bats and their sensitive ears to distract Henry.

“They’re gullible…”

“Yeah, they think I’m a satanic cult leader and worship the devil.” He strummed the guitar once. It sounded horribly off, so he sat down to tune it.

“And do you?” you joked.

“Only on Sundays,” he replied, making you laugh while exploring the room some more.

“Do you live here alone?”

“Oh no, with my uncle. He works nights so I’m alone a lot.”

“Your uncle… and you’re still at school?” The schoolbooks on one of the shelves gave it away.

“I was supposed to graduate almost three years ago but…”—he drew the word out—“I guess we can’t all be Albert Einsteins.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-one. Even though this room is three years younger than that. That’s a pity. The new Metallica record would have made this place a lot better,” he added looking around.

“What is that supposed to mean?” you asked, tilting your head with your arms crossed.

“Oh, Metallica is only one of the best metal bands in existence.”

“No, not that part, I know who Metallica is, believe it or not.” In fact, you knew a lot of bands. That restaurant you got your pizza from for Eddie had an old jukebox with dozens of records on it. It didn’t work down here but at least, it gave you some sort of idea of pop culture and music trends. “What do you mean by ‘this room is three years younger than you’?”

“You didn’t know that?” Eddie looked up from his guitar. It didn’t sound like a question. You still shook your head.

“No, I didn’t…”

“This place is quite literally three years behind. I mean, it’s a parallel world, right? Everything that happens up there in the real world, happens here as well. Only three years later.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Right. So then that means the food you ate earlier was three years old. Sorry about that.”

Eddie chuckled. “I’ve eaten worse stuff. Wayne and I are horrible cooks.”

“Your uncle?”

“Yes.”

“What about your parents? Where are they?”

“Well…” Avoiding your gaze as if he was ashamed all of a sudden, his fingers played around with the tuning pegs. “My mum left when I was just a kid… I don’t really remember her and my old man… is currently in prison.”

“Oh.” You weren’t going to ask why. By the looks of it and Eddie’s darkening expression, it couldn’t be too good.

Eddie strummed the guitar again, satisfied with the sound this time. The chords he played to follow up sounded beautiful—so melodic and calming compared to the screeching of your bat friends and the hungry growls of the other creatures residing around here. Not to mention the sounds Henry made every now and then, thinking he was scary. Well, not to you. To those kids, to Eddie… definitely. You shuddered.

“How… how long have you been here?” he suddenly asked.

“It’s hard to say… now that I know that I’ve been living in the past but… I’ve… just… always been here. My whole life. It’s always been… I’ve always been… like this.” You gave him a dramatic half-bow, pushing away the thought of the few like you that remained and that would kill you on sight.

“Shit, how old are you?”

You shrugged. “Judging by the calendars you humans started to make… I would say a couple of hundred years.”

Eddie nodded, processing your words all but flabbergasted. “And you never thought of leaving?”

“I didn’t know I could. Not until the veil between our dimensions cracked and opened up gates for the first time. But not all of them are the same, not since Henry started killing.”

“I need to get out of here,” he said. Another strum, as if to emphasise his statement. Your heart almost skipped a beat. He wanted to leave. But of course he did. There was nothing here for him. In fact, as a human, the atmosphere would sooner or later kill him. He didn’t even know you that well, he had no reason to stay, and even if he did… some depraved and delusional part of you had imagined that for the first time in over a decade, you’d have a friend by your side. You swallowed. Perhaps even more. The way his fingers played that guitar, a stark contrast against the black colour of the instrument and the handmade writing on it… That simple action hit you square in the face like a blow. Eddie was bloody handsome.

“You… want to go back,” you finally choked out just to say anything at all.

“Yeah…?”

“No, of course you do. You couldn’t possibly stay here.”

He nodded, slowly. “They all think I’m dead, that should give me an advantage for a while. I’m still… wanted for murder, after all.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Another thoughtful nod. This young man was carrying a burden far too heavy for his age. He paused when you said nothing else. “You said there were cracks… now… between the dimensions?”

“There are. But they would literally tear you in half if you attempted to walk through them. Even… what did you call them the other day? Demogorgons? Even they couldn’t make it through. Henry can. He is the only one who can. You need a smaller gate. I know where to find one.”

Eddie looked up. “There used to be one here. And at the lake and… and the forest. There’s different ones now? More?”

You nodded.

“Can you take me there?”

“I can but not yet.”

“Not yet?”

“Eddie, we need to wait for my blood to be out of your system entirely. If something happens to you when you’re back… if you die… you’ll turn into a vampire just like me.”

“Right… How long do we need to wait then?” The suspicion in his voice was clearly audible, eliciting a defeated sigh from you.

“Just a couple more days to be sure, please. Then I will take you to a gate, I promise.”

Eddie nodded once more, strumming another chord.

“We should head back soon. The bats get hungry around this time. I don’t want to draw any attention to you.”

“Why can’t we just stay here?” he asked. The innocence in his voice nearly had you melt… and the canines hidden away in your gums pressing to the surface eagerly.

“Here? Are you sure?”

“Yeah… unless you, uh… sleep in a coffin?”

“Oh, ouch, wow, that is an awful stereotype.” You grinned. “I don’t sleep in a coffin. I do sleep upside down sometimes though.”

“Wait, really?” Eddie’s eyes widened, eliciting a chuckle from you.

“No! Don’t you have sarcasm up there?”

Eddie put his guitar away and made himself comfortable on his unmade bed. “You’re uh… welcome to join me then. Bed’s big enough.”

Tilting your head, you took a hesitant step forward. “Aren’t you afraid I’m gonna bite you in your sleep?”

“I’d be as good as dead down here without your help, so uh… you might as well.” His bitter smile broke your heart but then again, what did you expect? That he’d fall to his knees before you in gratitude? You might have saved him but he had no reason to believe you had not done so for your own selfish gain, to keep him as a living blood bag. While a dark and malicious part of you buried deep in your heart rejoiced at the thought of that, the butterflies in your stomach stopped the dangerous thoughts from crawling to the surface.

“Alright then… only for a few hours. Then you grab what you need and we head back. It’s not too safe in this area.”

“Neither here nor in the real world…” he muttered. Eddie closed his eyes, his body relaxing almost fast enough for you to be taken aback by it. He’s still exhausted. Of course he was still exhausted. He almost fucking died and was now regenerating with your blood. You’d truly taken a risk with him—and you could only hope that Eddie wasn’t going to take any damage from your emergency medicine.

By the time you finally laid down next to him, the cute metalhead was sound asleep.

You knew you were in trouble when the butterflies in your belly fed on Eddie’s presence as if he was a drug, sweeter than any blood you had ever tasted. Over the next few days, long talks, and more three-year-old pizza, Eddie quickly became the closest to what you would call a partner in crime. You’d never had one—you wouldn’t know what it was truly like but if there was one thing you were certain about it was the fact that you were not supposed to desire a friend the way you did. To want to be close to him, listen to his heartbeat, feel that lively vein pulse beneath the sensitive skin of his neck, and find out if his lips were as soft as they looked…

“… so each class has different attributes and skills and weaknesses.” For the past hour, Eddie had been attempting to explain Dungeons and Dragons to you. You only understood half of what he was rambling but his passion for the fantasy game was reflected in every single word he spoke. He was sprawled out on the bed with an old D&D handbook he had found under his bed, one he had lost around two years ago, so he’d told you.

Very soon now, you’d venture out to the gate you had promised to bring him to. You’d wanted to wait until the equivalent of daytime just in case your bats decided to disobey you after all.

You’d miss him. As if he’d been in your life for years, you could already feel your heart tearing, leaving a void that would never heal. Were you being dramatic? Yes. But that changed nothing about the fact you were slowly realising that you, in the shortest time possible, had fallen in love with him.

“Eddie? Why don’t you tell me about those warlocks on the way to the gate?” you interrupted him gently. If you ripped him out of your life like a plaster, quick and easy, perhaps it’d hurt less. The sooner he was gone, the sooner you could learn to forget him.

Keep him with you. Feed him more of your blood. Make him stay. Your primal instincts mixed with your growing feelings, making your canines press against your gums almost painfully. Stop. It’s time to say goodbye.

Eddie paused, glancing out of the window. Daylight was barely distinguishable from the night down here but the look of relief and excitement that washed over his face felt like a dagger lodging itself deep into your gut.

“Okay. Let me, uh… grab my things.” You did, watching each and every single one of his movements with curiosity and fascination. If you asked if you could come with him, what would he say? Would he laugh at you? Look at you incredulously? Both?

“You think I could just take that D&D book with me?”

You chuckled. “I don’t see why not. No one will miss it here.”

“Then, um… I’m all set.”

“Good.” You smiled sadly. “Then let’s go.”

Perhaps you’d just stay in Eddie’s room, make it your new home. No one else was going to claim it once he was gone and that way… that way you could keep him in your memory. Your link to the outside world, the one friend you’d ever had down here in this lonely hellhole. You were like a lovesick puppy, detached from reality and what could and could not be, weren’t you? You were pathetic.

You shook your head to chase away the thoughts as Eddie followed you through the gloomy dimension you’d learned they called the Upside Down towards one of the more hidden gates in the forest you had discovered on the same day you had found him after hunting.

And by the time you reached it… he might as well take your heart with him too.

“Here. You’ll have to crawl through. I… I’m not sure what you should expect on the other side but… good luck. You’re innocent, Eddie, I refuse to believe you won’t be able to clear things up.”

“Yeah… maybe. I hope. Uh…” He stared at the hole in the tree stump as if it’d disappear if he took his brown eyes off of it.

“Thanks. For uh… everything. You saved my life.”

“My pleasure. Oh… you might want this back before you leave.”

Your hands were shaking as you pulled his bandana out of your back pocket. You’d tried to clean the blood off of it but you assumed that up in the real world, they’d have functioning washing machines.

Eddie reached for it with a smile. “Thought I lost it.”

“Well, you didn’t.” You stood on your tiptoes then, gently placing your palms on his chest to press a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Ask me to come with you. Ask me to stay with you. Please… tell me you don’t want me to stay here all on my own…

“Are you gonna be okay?” he asked, tilting his head when I pulled away again, reluctantly removing my hands from him.

“I’ll… be fine. I’ve always been here, remember? Good luck, Eddie.”

“B-bye,” he said, waving awkwardly before getting to the gooey ground.

And with every inch he crawled forward, your heart broke a little more until eventually… he was gone.

Fuck, were those tears? Your eyes were burning, your vision was all blurry. You blinked, frantically, to scare them away. It was for the best. Eddie didn’t belong here. Sooner or later, he would have faced the consequences of staying down here. The atmosphere was toxic to humans, you reminded yourself, the lack of sunlight and vitamin D a constant threat to his well-being, not to mention his poor nutrition if he had kept eating leftovers from literal trash cans.

And yet… yet a part of you had hoped that, even after such a short time, Eddie would want to stay with you. He was an outcast in Hawkins, feared and hated by the majority of its people but here… here, he had someone who cared. Was that selfish? Probably. If only… if only you had bothered to find out if his lips were as soft as they looked. If only you had been able to capture the moment of sleeping in his arms forever. But the memory would fade, just like your real name. Kas. You smiled to yourself. That was who you were now. You would use his name for you with pride.

When you shoved your hands into the pockets of your leather coat, something hard and cold brushed against your knuckles. Frowning, you blinked once more, pulling out a tiny silver object. Your lips parted when you realised that it was one of Eddie’s rings. A silver cross surrounded by four skulls. Don’t forget me. He must have slipped it in your pocket when you’d kissed him goodbye. A sad smile tugged on the corners of your mouth before you slid it on.

Then your heart sank. You felt his presence before you glanced behind you. You didn’t turn around to face him.

“What do you want, Henry?”

“You hid a boy here. Nursed him back to health. What for?”

“Leave him out of it. He was just collateral damage to you anyway. And it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone now. He’s back in Hawkins.”

“Then he will die regardless. They will all die. Remember what you promised me.”

“I did my part, Henry. The bats did what you asked them to, they protected your precious home and they will wreak havoc once the cracks are safe enough to… travel through. There’s nothing more I can do to help you.”

Henry growled and you spun around, fuming. “Thanks to you, I’ll never be able to have a life up there. That was the one thing you promised me. That I would be able to leave this place.”

“You will, bat. No need to remind me.” Bat. Not Kas. Not what Eddie had named you.

“Yes. I will return to a pile of ashes and decay.” To a place where, even if Hawkins’ people mysteriously survived, you could never be with Eddie simply because of what you were. “They’ll start another attempt, you know,” you insisted when he turned to leave. “They will not stop until you’re dead. If I have learned anything about Hawkins, it’s that they will fight back until their very last breath.”

“Then their very last breath it shall be,” Henry responded. You flinched when he made the gate disappear with but a flick of his wrist—long, gooey vines annihilating the only way up that you knew currently existed. Your only way up should you ever decide to take the risk and leave, hoping the humans would not hunt you down simply because you came from the Upside Down. Not if, you realised. When.

You hissed at Henry, baring your fangs before he vanished, and twisting the silver ring on your finger. You had to warn Eddie. You owed him that.

Before the goofy metalhead came into your life, you hadn’t known your heart to be capable of so many emotions at once. You longed for him, missed him with every fibre of your being, and yet, with every step you ventured out further away from his trailer in search of another gate to reunite with him, the more your heart bled for your bats.

Leaving them behind and to their fate after what you had asked them to do… it felt wrong to leave them in the lurch but what other choice did you have? Hundreds, if not thousands of people would have to let their life up in the real world where, according to Eddie’s stories, there were oceans and actual sunlight. You had needed a push, something to finally pick up the courage and get away from this bleak existence. But you’d never considered paying a price this high.

The fire hit you out of nowhere. Hot and scourging, it singed your skin, blinding you and throwing you to the ground. You covered your face with a shriek, the burning and unbearable sensation having you thrash on the dirty ground in pain.

Your lungs filled with hot hair, the crackling and windy sounds drowning out even your own screaming. But then you suddenly heard his voice.

“Harrington! Stop! Stop it! Steve, please, stop!”

Were you hallucinating? Perhaps you were dying. Perhaps you were already dead. Perhaps Henry had killed you and your mind attempted, frantically, to make the traumatic experience more endurable.

Eventually, the fire ceased in a way it almost appeared like your attacker was being shoved away, with only the sizzling of your burned skin remaining. Angry red marks and blisters formed wherever the flames had tasted you and licked across you, including your cheeks and palms.

Trembling, you curled up on the ground, still too blinded to make out the person who knelt down beside you and cradled you in their arms. Those hands, however, adorned with cool silver rings… Eddie.

“Shit, shit, shit… Kas, are you okay? Look at me. Hey… hey! Are you okay? Open your eyes, Kas, please open your eyes!” His panicked voice made you want to calm him down, providing you with just enough energy to do as he asked.

“Oh, thank god… are you okay? I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Y-you’re back,” you choked out, taken hostage by a coughing fit only a fraction of a second later.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m back.” You felt his palm against the side of your cheek that was not burned, calloused fingers stroking over your cheekbone.

“W-what can I do? Are you gonna be okay?”

“…n-need… -ood…” Talking was exhausting. Keeping your eyes open was exhausting. Fighting against the pain was so tiring it would have been so easy to give in to cool darkness and slip into blissful unconsciousness.

“What? What do you need? Speak up, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. You didn’t care you probably had an audience. You could sense them. More humans besides your attacker, at least two.

“Bl-…ood… I need blood.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Could you… I mean, could you drink from me? Would… would that work?”

You nodded—barely visible to the naked eye, your chin moved up and down once. Eddie caught it nonetheless. Without any hesitation whatsoever, he leaned down to you until your warm and shaking lips brushed against the sensitive skin of his neck, his long hair acting like a curtain and shielding you from the eyes of his friends.

This time, as soon as your instincts took over, you let them. Your fangs appeared within a second, your eyes turning blood-red. Your mouth watered in joyful anticipation when you opened it, sinking your pair of sharp teeth straight into his neck, breaking the skin, and… fuck, he tasted divine. So good and sweet and rich and…

Eddie flinched when you bit him but, albeit carefully, held you even tighter, mutely urging you on.

“Shit, what the fuck is happening here? Eddie? Eddie!”

“No, Steve, stop! It’s fine.” The metalhead did not elaborate, not for now and not until you had enough of your strength back to dig your fingers into his shoulders, feeling the cool leather of his jacket under your fingertips.

You promised to yourself that you would take five more sips—one, two, three, four… five… Reluctantly, you pulled away and licked your lips. You’d left a bite mark on him—one he quickly covered with his hair.

“A-are you good? Do you need more?” You shook your head in response, feeling your fangs retreat and your eyes, hopefully, returning to their usual colour.

The one with the fire—Steve Harrington—glared at you suspiciously, holding a lighter in one, and a can of hairspray in the other hand. The other two were young women—strong, intimidating almost. One more so than the other.

“Everyone… this is Kas.”

“Kas?” one of the girls repeated. “She’s the one who saved your life?”

Eddie nodded. “This is Robin,” he said, nodding towards the girl who’d spoken up. “And this is Nancy, and this… is Steve.”

“Sorry about that. I thought you were…”

“It’s fine… Eddie told me you guys are generally suspicious of everything down here.”

“Can’t blame us. Last time we were everything tried to kill us.”

You blinked at him before turning your attention back to Eddie. “Why did you come back?”

“That’s a long story but…”

“One we don’t have time for right now,” Nancy interrupted. You felt the urge to snap at her and you probably would have if you didn’t still feel weak. Your wounds were regenerating but it would take your body some time to fully recover from the attack.

Fire… the one lethal thing that could kill you instantly. If Eddie hadn’t stopped him…

“Henry closed the gate you escaped through. He’s gonna make his move. Soon. I tried to come and warn you, find another one.”

“We need to get you out of here then, sweetheart.” There it was again—that adorable nickname that you liked even better than Kas. You nodded once more, too weak for your mind to toss around all those thoughts you’d surely have if you hadn’t just escaped death by a smidge.

“I’ll uh… I’ll take her back.”

“Back? You want to bring her to Hawkins? What if she—“

“She won’t, Steve,” Eddie snapped at him. But when he turned to you again, scooping you up like a bride, his voice instantly became softer again. “Can you walk?”

“… don’t know…”

“It’s okay… I’ll carry you.”

His kind offer was the last thing you heard before you finally succumbed to the welcoming darkness.

“Kas? Like the vampire Kas? She’s Kas? Dude, I thought you were talking about some eerie humanoid bat person, not… not a girl!”

“Yeah no. No, that’s who I meant. I know how fucked up this is, man…” Eddie’s voice became muffled for a moment, almost as if he was hiding his face in his hands.

“So… she’s not… is she linked to Vecna? Because if she is and we kill him, wouldn’t that mean that she dies too?”

“No,” you croaked out before Eddie could respond to the other person. Two heads whipped in your direction instantly, one of which you did not recognise. You shifted uncomfortably. You were lying softly, covered with a blanket that smelled like Eddie and cigarette smoke. Someone had removed your leather coat too.

“W-where am I?”

“You’re in my bed… again.” Eddie’s cheeky grin warmed you from the inside out, even more so because he blushed. “Welcome to Hawkins, sweetheart. You’re in the real world. The Up… if you will.”

“You said… you said you wouldn’t die if we kill Vecna?” the boy with the curly hair and a hat that read Thinking Cap asked.

“That’s Dustin,” Eddie explained. “He’s a friend.”

You nodded. “No. I’ve been in the Upside Down for much longer than Henry. He’s… made this world his master but not me. I just happened to be in it when he arrived.”

“You were… born there?”

“Yes.”

“So there are others? Like you?”

You shot Eddie a hesitant glance. You hadn’t told him about that—you hadn’t wanted to freak him out even more. “There are. But not in the upside-down version of Hawkins. I was the only one there.”

“So… so you don’t have to go back eventually to not… drop dead if the gates close?” Dustin probed.

“No.” At least, that’s what you hoped. You had no solid proof that you wouldn’t turn to dust once the first ever sunbeams you had ever seen with your own eyes hit your skin either. You already had a feeling you would have to remain in the shadows as best as you could but unlike Eddie in the Upside Down… you were pretty certain you could survive in this dimension. You were not human, after all. It was in your very nature to adapt. The question was… would the humans tolerate you after all the evil that Henry had brought upon Hawkins through the gates?

“The others,” you started then, “Nancy, Robin, and Steve… are they still down there?”

“Yeah. They should be back anytime now. We uh, found another gate—by chance, really. They went back to the Creel house. Vecna’s house, trying to find… something. Anything that could help us stop him. We don’t have a lot of options left at the moment.”

You nodded once more. “What happened here in the meantime? Were you able to clear your name?”

“Not… really. Yet. I’m still in hiding, technically but uh… Hopper’s working on it.”

“Hopper?”

“He’s the Sheriff of Hawkins. Or he used to be,” Dustin intervened.

A third nod. Quite frankly, you were overwhelmed with being in a different dimension altogether—you finally understood how Eddie must have felt, especially after almost dying. You almost laughed out loud. The exact same thing had happened to you now. The irony was truly hilarious.

The noise that came from outside the trailer was audible to you first. With your enhanced hearing, you instantly made out the voices of Steve, Nancy and Robin. Moments later, the front door opened. Dustin sped out of the room, closing the door to Eddie’s room in the process.

“How are you feeling now?” Eddie asked.

“Better but… still weak.”

“Do you need more blood?”

Guilt washed over your entire body as you bit your lower lip. You were hesitant to nod for a fourth time. Eddie caught the hint nonetheless. But just when you were about to ask him to bring you an animal or a blood bag from the hospitals in this dimension, he spoke up again.

“Drink from me again.”

“Eddie…”

“Just do it, sweetheart. I’ll be fine. You need your strength back.”

Finally, the metalhead sat down on the bed with you. Your heart sped up when he pulled you onto his lap and your legs hugged his hips, his calloused fingers exploring your back.

Biting back a moan, you brushed his lovely hair out of the way—and as soon as his scent hit you, it was game over, and sunk your fangs into him and drank.

Eddie’s grip around you tightened, almost as if he was unwilling to let go of you anytime soon. Almost as if… almost as if he was enjoying it. But that was impossible, right? You were hurting him. You were sucking the very essence that kept him alive out of his body…

In your hungry haze, you noticed the door opening again only a few seconds too late. Dustin walked back in, followed by Robin, Nancy and Steve. You looked up with your teeth still lodged deep inside Eddie’s neck, noticing their horrified expressions.

I must look like a monster to them. Red eyes, dark purple veins under them, sharp fangs, and a murderous, famished expression…

You forced yourself to pull away, bloody fangs and lips surely glistening in the artificial light in Eddie’s room. You covered your mouth quickly and licked yourself clean, turning away so you wouldn’t have to face them again for a brief moment.

You could tell that Eddie was about to ask if you’d had enough or if you needed more when he too realised that you had an audience.

“Did you find anything?” Eddie asked.

“Nothing.” Steve didn’t take his eyes off of you. You leaned back again, covering yourself with Eddie’s blanket so you’d have something to do with your hands, making it clear you didn’t want any attention, especially after what they’d just witnessed.

Steve nodded towards you nonetheless. “Are you sure we can trust her, Munson? I don’t care if she’s like one of your D&D characters.”

“Wait… what? You named me after a D&D character?”

Eddie blushed. “Uh… yeah… a vampire who works for Vecna but eventually betrays and kills him.”

“Oh. Well, that sounds about right.”

“So you’re on our side.”

“Of course I’m on your side. Steve, is it, right?”

“You said you wanted to come to warn me. Us. Vecna’s gonna make his play soon?”

“I… yes. The bats will be first. Henry’s planning on opening more gates to let them all through. To let them loose in Hawkins.”

“But I thought he doesn’t control them. You do?”

“That’s… I… I wanted to tell you but…”

“You told them to attack Hawkins,” he concluded.

“No! I mean, I… I told them to invade the town once he opens the gates.”

“What! Are you crazy?” Steve bellowed. You flinched, the loud noise hurting your ears a little.

“That’s what your deal was about? You didn’t tell me that. You said the bats were harmless if they’re not provoked.”

“Eddie, I’m sorry… I couldn’t… that’s why I was about to come here. I wanted to give you a headstart, all of you. I wanted to make things right because…” Because I’m falling in love with you. You stopped yourself before you could end the sentence and embarrass yourself even further.

“So when they make it through… can you stop them?” Robin intervened. In the meantime, Nancy and Dustin only glared at you all but speechless.

“I can try.”

Eddie reached for your hand. “You said they listen to you.”

“They do but… they are simple-minded creatures. Once they’re up there, there will be more prey for them than they’ve ever known to exist. They might not aim to kill but they will attack when they get hungry. Not out of malice—simply because it’s in their nature. They want to survive. And the more food they have available to them, the more strength they can build.”

“Well that’s just great,” Steve remarked with sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Okay, you know what… let’s call it a night. Nothing good will still come out of us arguing with her. Let’s meet again tomorrow and plan our next steps then,” Nancy said.

“Yeah… it’s a little awkward all of you standing around in my room like that.” You chuckled to yourself when Eddie grinned at them. Seeing him smile was not only a relief, it was a revelation.

“Okay, I don’t mean to freak anyone out but do we still have until tomorrow?” Robin argued.

“I can sense the bats. I’ll know. We’re safe, for now.”

“Good to know. You’re right. Not you, Munson, Nancy. We’ll catch up tomorrow. Are you sure you’re gonna be fine here… all alone… with… with Kas?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll behave,” you added, daring a little smirk.

Steve and Robin blinked at you as if you’d just admitted to killing a puppy.

“Okay… good night, Eddie. We’ll call tomorrow.” Dustin was the only one who waved before they all staggered out of the room one by one and Eddie shifted on the bed so he could lie down next to you. You still waited until the door fell shut to scoot closer and place your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Even after only such a short time… you had missed the sound of it.

“I’m… I’m really happy to see you.”

Eddie smirked. “I’m really happy to see you too. You kept my ring,” he remarked, nodding at your hand which was tracing the print on the band shirt he was wearing.

“I found it in my pocket after you’d left.”

“Nah, yeah I thought I’d leave you a little something so you wouldn’t forget me.”

“I don’t think it’s physically possible to forget someone like you, Eddie. At first… at first, I thought I’d never see you again. That’s stupid, right? We met only a couple of weeks ago.” Just say it. I like you. Three little words, so easy. Fuck… you were no silly teenager with a fear of rejection. You were a goddamn vampire, for Heaven’s sake! You could deal with a human boy not reciprocating your feelings. Feelings that seemed to consume every fibre of your being and…

Your heart stopped when his lips landed on yours. Suddenly. Out of nowhere. The kiss was almost too brief, with no tongues attempting a battle for dominance.

When he pulled away, he instantly panicked. “Sorry… was that too much? Or too soon? I… fuck, I thought I lost you there when Steve didn’t put that fucking hairspray away.”

“I guess we’re even now then. I want you… no, I need you to kiss me again.” That made him grin, mischievously so. “I wanted to stay with you. But I also wanted to go back home, you know?”

“Eddie… staying would have killed you.”

“I wanted to ask you to come with me.” Slash. Like a dagger twisting in your heart.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because… I don’t know, isn’t it like… a big thing to ask someone to leave their dimension to live in another?” His breath was warm against your lips. You let your fingertips trail over the two bite marks you had given him.

“I had been hoping to get out. Ever since that first gate opened a few years ago. I just… didn’t have the guts to do it yet. Because of Henry… Vecna… what do you think will happen when they find out what I am, Eddie? Your friends clearly don’t trust me, in fact, I’m absolutely sure they hate me.”

“They don’t hate you. They’re… suspicious? I mean, so was I… you can be pretty mean and scary.”

You gave him a weak smile. “What about the other humans? They’ll hunt me down and shoot me dead, or lock me up in a lab to experiment on once they realise where I came from.”

“I won’t let that happen to you.”

“Promise?” you breathed out.

“Promise…” And with that, his lips were back on yours, more eager this time to drink you in like you were his last meal. Eddie’s left hand came around the back of your neck, pulling you even closer to him all the while you hooked one of your legs over his lower body, your right hand grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt.

His mouth tasted almost as divine as his blood. You could make out cigarettes, a faint hint of weed and… some sort of honeyed cornflakes and pizza. Fuck, you wanted to devour him whole.

Getting a little braver, you crawled on top of him so you could straddle him, your hands exploring his clothed chest all the while your tongue teased his soft lips, asking for entrance. Eddie’s mouth opened wider and you sought out his tongue, starting a passionate fight.

By the time he pulled away out of breath, his hands still stroking your back, you were almost too far gone to remember the threat that was lurking in the Upside Down.

“You still hungry?” he murmured.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m starting to think you like me drinking from you.”

“Yeah, well, uh… it’s pretty hot… to be honest. Very metal. I… kinda enjoy it.”

Hearing those words from his mouth… fuck, you wanted to pounce on him, feed on him and fuck him all at the same time. Tilting your head with your eyes turning red, you trailed your fingertips over the side of his face, making him shiver. His brown orbs widened as soon as he noticed the colour change in yours.

“I need you to rest. I can’t take so much at once. Let your body recover first. I… could be persuaded to have another sip tomorrow.”

“But are you gonna be alright?”

You nodded. “The wounds have healed well. Perks of not being human. I’ll be back to normal by tomorrow.”

“You sure, sweetheart?” There it was again. Sweetheart. You suppressed a sigh.

“I’m sure. Let’s… let’s get some sleep.”

Eddie stole another kiss from you before he obeyed, draping the blanket over the both of you. You fell asleep in his arms, listening to his breath slowly evening out as he too wandered off to dreamland.

Steve kept his promise. The next morning, it had barely struck eight am before Eddie’s phone rang, ripping you both from your slumber. The metalhead almost fell out of bed when he went to answer it, quickly barking a few words into the little construction before leaning his forehead against the wall, still half-asleep.

By the time he finally brought himself to crawl back into bed, you too managed to open your eyes, wrapping your arms around him to stay warm. You never thought you’d enjoy body heat so much. You were used to the cold, used to sleeping alone—and even though you knew that there was only so much heat that you could take, cuddling with Eddie made your heart pound and put your mind at ease. You felt safe, protected…

“Hey…”

“Hey…”

“You hungry?” You giggled like a little girl, burying your face in his neck. His excitement was tangible—in fact, you were certain you would be able to taste it if you bit him right now.

“How about you have some breakfast first? I don’t want you to faint on me.”

“Yeah, coffee and a cigarette actually do sound like a great idea.”

“A cigarette? For breakfast? I mean real food, Eddie. No wonder humans have such short lives.”

He grinned and you followed him into the kitchen. The fridge didn’t have much to offer. There was some open yoghurt in there that, according to the smell, had expired already, a half-empty egg carton, some milk, and some leftover pizza on a plate with some cling foil on top of it. Unceremoniously, Eddie took it out and chucked it in the microwave. You scrunched up your nose. In the meantime, he made sure to make himself some coffee and finally, lit himself a cigarette.

“I’m pretty sure the food I got you in the Upside Down tasted better than what you’re consuming right now.”

The metalhead shrugged. “Wayne’s gonna bring some groceries home when he gets back from his shift. Since I still can’t just… you know… stroll into a supermarket and stuff.”

“How… how did he react when he learned you’re still alive?”

“He was… relieved. Hugged me. Even cried. The old man treats me better than my own father. He’s more of a dad to me than he’ll ever be.”

“I’m glad you were in good hands then when you left.” Me. The last word you almost choked on. The microwave started beeping just when he finished his cigarette and extinguished its butt in the ashtray on the kitchen table.

Growing a little more confident about your surroundings now, you hoisted yourself up on the counter all the while Eddie dug into his left-over pizza.

By the time he only had one piece left on his plate, there was a barely visible film of fat around his lips which he quickly wiped away with the back of his hand. You smirked. So he always ate like he was starving.

Raising an eyebrow, you slid off the counter, walked over to him, and sat down on the table next to his plate. His eyes widened and his smirk… downright mischievous, even more so when you reached for his wrist and held it with both your hands. You bared your fangs and sank them into his flesh.

You certainly did not imagine the moan that escaped his lips when you broke the skin, his own food and coffee quickly forgotten. When you released him, the look on his gorgeous face was so aroused, you could have pounced on him. Maybe you could. Maybe you should.

Licking the last droplets of his blood from your lips, you pushed yourself forward so you came to sit on Eddie’s lap. Your mouth was on his before he realised what was happening, your hands grabbing fistfuls of his long hair that was still completely dishevelled from sleeping.

And once again, you became so caught up in each other that you did not hear the knock soon enough—nor the door opening and Eddie’s friends spreading inside the kitchen and living room area as if they’d seen a ghost. The only one who was missing was the kid with the hat. Dustin. You liked him.

Eddie held you tightly when you attempted to move off of him. When none of them dared say the first word, you took the initiative, braver than yesterday now that you were feeling better again too.

“You all look surprised Eddie is still alive after spending the night with me.”

“Yeah… you can’t… really… blame us,” Steve choked out. Robin nodded with an apologetic expression on her face. Nancy was the only one whose poker face was so impenetrable you were starting to wonder whether she had slept at all last night.

“This is Jonathan,” she finally said, introducing you to the stranger they had brought with them. You tilted your head. Jonathan looked like social awkwardness personified. He nodded at you with half a smile.

They’re still scared of me, you thought, biting your lower lip.

Eddie cleared his throat so they would stop staring at you. “So? Any news?”

“Uh, yeah. Joyce is on her way with El and Will.”

“What about Hopper?”

“Says he’s currently busy with filing that police report on Jason Carver to prove you didn’t kill him.”

“Right.”

“In the meantime, we need to get back to the War Zone. We need more weapons. Like, now. Are you coming with us, Munson?”

“I want to stay with Eddie,” you instantly blurted out.

The metalhead reached for your hand and squeezed it.

“No offence… but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to roam freely around Hawkins… yet,” Steve said. He almost sounded a little like he was sorry. Perhaps he didn’t loathe you after all—even if he’d almost killed you last night.

“None taken. I don’t exactly feel ready to either. But I’m not staying here alone.”

“I’ll stay,” Eddie reassured you. “I’ll stay with you.”

“Um, Kas… we need you to tell us how we can get rid of your bats. I mean… I’m assuming you don’t want us to kill them,” Steve offered.

“Absolutely not.”

“That’s what we thought, so… is there a way to weaken them?”

You took a deep breath, contemplating whether you could trust them. If the bats got hurt, that would be on you—your fault.

“They don’t like warmth. They’ll steer away from it, just like me. If you found a way to keep Hawkins hot enough, they would retreat and hide in the woods. That’s the best advice I can offer you. I don’t want you to harm them.”

“Are they like… your children?” Jonathan asked carefully.

“No, they’re… we’re just very alike.” You didn’t elaborate and you were sure you didn’t have to, not really.

“So that’s nothing new then. Our next step should be to get in touch with Hopper, there’s gotta be a way to heat the city up so the bats will stay clear from everyone.” Nancy sounded determined, earning her an obedient nod from Jonathan.

“Just don’t… don’t make any loud noises, not like you did in the Upside Down. You’d want to get rid of what’s causing you pain too,” you added when they both turned to leave. They acknowledged it with a quick wave, leaving only Steve and Robin behind.

“That means Robin and I will head to the War Zone until El and Will get here. Take this.” Steve handed Eddie what looked like a portable phone. You realised quickly it must have been a walkie-talkie. And then, with a brief goodbye, they too were out of the door again.

For a few heartbeats, it remained silent. It was a comfortable and yet tense silence both at the same time. Eventually, you leaned your forehead against Eddie’s. You noticed only now that his wrist was still bleeding a little and he’d grabbed an old and probably used napkin on the table to cover it up.

“Who are they? El and Will?”

“El has superpowers, literally. Like… like Vecna.”

You gasped. “She must be the girl he’s coming after Hawkins for then.”

Eddie nodded, his hands caressing your waist. “And Will is the boy who went missing a few years back. Got possessed by the Mind Flayer and I think he can still… feel Vecna? I don’t know, it’s all so fucked up.”

“I’ve heard of him. I never saw him but there was this red-haired girl…” Guilt washed over you as you bit your lower lip. That girl had been one of those victims you had fed on—she’d been too far gone to stay alive for much longer and still…

“A… a red-haired girl? Was she… was she wearing a cheerleading uniform… by any chance?”

“I… no, she wore glasses and high-waisted trousers.”

“Oh…”

“Who is… was the other girl?”

“Chrissy. She… uh… she died right here in our… in our living room.” Eddie’s brown eyes trailed over to where Vecna must have taken her life, creating a gate and spreading fear and horror. Your lips parted the more distant Eddie became and you quickly realised why.

“You have survivor’s guilt…”

“What?”

“That girl… an innocent girl died and there was nothing you could have done to save her. Eddie, it’s not your fault. This is Vecna.”

“Yeah… yeah…” Clearing his throat, he tore his gaze away from the invisible spot in the living room. “I just wish I didn’t run away, you know.”

“Eddie… I saw you in the Upside Down. You’re brave. And… you’ve got a vampire sitting on your lap right now.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I guess… that’s true.”

“When does your uncle get home again?”

“Should be another hour or so.”

“Good. Then how about we continue where we left off?”

Eddie swallowed. As if you’d flipped a switch on him, his brown eyes glistened with unfulfilled desire yet again. “Are you sure?”

You let your eyes turn red. Eddie grinned when you bared your fangs at him and winked. “I’m sure. Are you?”

He nodded and you watched him frown when you gently pushed the wrist he offered you away to focus on his neck instead. His scent was intoxicating when your nose brushed against his sensitive skin.

Perhaps it would take a while longer for Eddie’s friends to accept you the way he had. Perhaps you too, much like Eddie, would have to live in hiding for a few months. But once Vecna was gone… once your bats were back in the Upside Down safely and all threats to his life, to all of their lives, were eliminated… then maybe you’d both get your happy end. You both deserved it.

A/N: I am more than inclined to write more vampire!Reader x Eddie. Perhaps one where RC turns Eddie after all? Or a Part 2 to this one? Hot vampire sex? Ohhh, the possibilities are endless! 😈

[bengiyo]

Alright, new question, I know how much you enjoy your Sad Gay Boy Hours. What shows, besides Until We Meet Again, because I know how much you love it, satisfy your Sad Gay Boy needs?

The Boys Who Suffered

The big thing about The Knowing is The Suffering. There is a melancholy that seeps into you and makes you think you aren't enough. These characters are hard to watch. I know you asked about shows, but I'm doing some movies as well because I've been thinking about genre history lately. For this it's about whether or not the quiet sadness in me connected to the quiet sadness I perceived in a character in this show.

Moonlight (2016)

He is the saddest boy in my heart. This is the moment that breaks him forever.

For The Boys

Jamal, Syed, and Anthony have suffered for being who they are, and they are hurting. They cling to each other and it's often too hard.

Weekend (2011)

This man is so lonely even if people love him. I feel melancholy for days any time I watch this film.

Big Eden (2000)

I don't know who taught him shame, but there's this sense of surrender in Henry that has haunted me for fifteen years.

A Single Man (2009)

Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci play some of the saddest gay men who have ever existed. This entire project is about grief.

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

Inthawut is the saddest man in BL.

Given (2019)

The reveals about the depths of sadness in this boy are really some of the best I've experienced.

Eternal Yesterday (2022)

He was suffering even before Koichi died, and it saddens me so much that the world bent to let him say goodbye to help him grieve.

The Pornographer Series

I just knew there was something fundamentally off about Kijima and the rest of these men.

The Day I Loved You (2023)

I keep meaning to write something about this show, but there's something special about going into a relationship you know won't be forever because of external factors, and also choosing to make that time as special as possible.

Tokyo in April is...

Ren suffering for Kazuma gets me every time.

Like in the Movies (2020)

I'm never getting over Karl and Vlad. I'm sad we'll likely never see them again because in so many ways the specific pieces of melancholy in each of them are why they didn't walk away together.

To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories

These two were not left at HEA and they didn't end there this time, either. Both of these two are carrying some heavy shit in their hearts, and I find comfort in seeing them stumble and keep trying.

What Did You Eat Yesterday?

Shiro makes me so sad sometimes, and I'm so glad he found Kenji.

The Eclipse

Every boy in this show is a sad mess.

The Eighth Sense

I'm glad Jae Won found Ji Hyun, because that country twink won't give up on him.

Kabe-Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized

I recently rewatched this and feel so much about Mamoru and Issei.

Our Dating Sim

Lee Wan was wrong, but I get him.

We Best Love

"Yes, I'm in love with you, but that's none of your business."

Stuck On You

The Philippines crushed the pandemic. This is quietly one of the better ones about people who were already suffering.

Blueming

Hwang Da Seul's oeuvre always seems to hit my sad boy core.

Sing My Crush

Every time Han Baram says Im Hantae's name I lose it.

[ai-the-broccoli]

Dorian and Seeking Reassurance

so I was going to include this in the reblog to the post by @applestorms, but it got too long so I'm making a separate post about this.

While Dorian mainly hides the proof of his "sins" away from the world, he actually does ask for reassurance for them too! To an extent.

Specifically, at at least two points in the novel, he does try to seek reassurance from Lord Henry about the things he's feeling guilt about.

[longish TPoDG analysis on Dorian & OCD w/ comparison to Death Note below the cut. please watch out for major spoilers for the book]

In the first case:

“Harry,” cried Dorian Gray, coming over and sitting down beside him, “why is it that I cannot feel this tragedy as much as I want to? I don’t think I am heartless. Do you?” “You have done too many foolish things during the last fortnight to be entitled to give yourself that name, Dorian,” answered Lord Henry with his sweet melancholy smile. The lad frowned. “I don’t like that explanation, Harry,” he rejoined, “but I am glad you don’t think I am heartless. I am nothing of the kind. I know I am not. And yet I must admit that this thing that has happened does not affect me as it should. It seems to me to be simply like a wonderful ending to a wonderful play. It has all the terrible beauty of a Greek tragedy, a tragedy in which I took a great part, but by which I have not been wounded.” “It is an interesting question,” said Lord Henry, who found an exquisite pleasure in playing on the lad’s unconscious egotism, “an extremely interesting question. I fancy that the true explanation is this: It often happens that the real tragedies of life occur in such an inartistic manner that they hurt us by their crude violence, their absolute incoherence, their absurd want of meaning, their entire lack of style. [...] Sometimes, however, a tragedy that possesses artistic elements of beauty crosses our lives. If these elements of beauty are real, the whole thing simply appeals to our sense of dramatic effect. Suddenly we find that we are no longer the actors, but the spectators of the play. Or rather we are both. We watch ourselves, and the mere wonder of the spectacle enthralls us. In the present case, what is it that has really happened? Some one has killed herself for love of you. I wish that I had ever had such an experience. It would have made me in love with love for the rest of my life. [...]”

Okay I'm not going to post all of the next few paragraphs (since that's too much text) but basically:

At first Dorian still feels guilty and so Henry continues to try to comfort him in his own way... a questionable way at that, specifically by expanding on the "explanation" he raises (as you can see above), according to which the reason why Dorian is incapable of feeling more strongly and more sorry about Sybil's death is that this is but a beautiful artistic tragedy -- that Sybil Vane was hardly really that real in the first place -- that women appreciate cruelty and dominance -- and that her death makes her whole existence beautiful as the final act of her play.

And then... Alright, let's look at how Dorian "comes to terms" with his inability to feel more grief or empathy for her (he can feel GENERAL guilt/shame and he feels it very strongly, but like... he can't really feel emotional empathy for Sybil if that makes sense, and it's bothering him until it's not [1]) at last.

“You said to me that Sibyl Vane represented to you all the heroines of romance—that she was Desdemona one night, and Ophelia the other; that if she died as Juliet, she came to life as Imogen.” “She will never come to life again now,” muttered the lad, burying his face in his hands. “No, she will never come to life. She has played her last part. But you must think of that lonely death in the tawdry dressing-room simply as a strange lurid fragment from some Jacobean tragedy, as a wonderful scene from Webster, or Ford, or Cyril Tourneur. The girl never really lived, and so she has never really died. To you at least she was always a dream, a phantom that flitted through Shakespeare’s plays and left them lovelier for its presence, a reed through which Shakespeare’s music sounded richer and more full of joy. The moment she touched actual life, she marred it, and it marred her, and so she passed away. Mourn for Ophelia, if you like. Put ashes on your head because Cordelia was strangled. Cry out against Heaven because the daughter of Brabantio died. But don’t waste your tears over Sibyl Vane. She was less real than they are.” There was a silence. The evening darkened in the room. Noiselessly, and with silver feet, the shadows crept in from the garden. The colours faded wearily out of things. After some time Dorian Gray looked up. “You have explained me to myself, Harry,” he murmured with something of a sigh of relief. “I felt all that you have said, but somehow I was afraid of it, and I could not express it to myself. How well you know me! But we will not talk again of what has happened. It has been a marvellous experience. That is all. I wonder if life has still in store for me anything as marvellous.” “Life has everything in store for you, Dorian. There is nothing that you, with your extraordinary good looks, will not be able to do.”

........so does this excerpt remind you of anything? Because it does remind me.

....yep.

This was what I meant by this (specifically the "OCD guilt can't catch me if my ego is big enough" part) lol:

"oh fuck. what the fuck. fuck I did that" -> "I feel awful. I did a horribly wrong thing" -> "..." -> "no, urgh, wait" -> "actually, that was... definitely a good thing!" -> "yeah. them dying was fine because they should've been killed and/or they're not real" (it's dehumanization either way) -> "that's right! I did a good thing. a very good thing. that was what I wanted all along. it was incredible, actually! it was a rare and unusually good event"

also interesting to note in this case is that, Dorian's rationalization process is aided by Henry, while Light did the whole thing on his own.

[1] On that note, Dorian's not being able to feel as much emotional empathy as he wants may be a result of NPD or something similar. And the thing is, not being able to feel affective/emotional empathy is not a choice, and it isn't in itself anything that inherently makes him bad. However, ironically, Henry's way of helping him out of his guilt over his inability to feel it for Sybil DOES lead Dorian to adopt a messed up way to view things. Like... the "right"(?) lesson here would be "it's okay that you don't emotionally feel grief and empathy over this, it doesn't inherently make you a bad person", but instead, Dorian learns "it's not just 'okay' to feel no grief and empathy over this, it's that that's literally THE right way of reacting to this tragedy! Because Sybil literally wasn't even real in the first place, her death is such beautiful theatre. There was literally nothing for ANYONE to feel grief or empathy over, and it was great how much you made her suffer."

In the second case:

“What would you say, Harry, if I told you that I had murdered Basil?” said the younger man. He watched him intently after he had spoken. “I would say, my dear fellow, that you were posing for a character that doesn’t suit you. All crime is vulgar, just as all vulgarity is crime. It is not in you, Dorian, to commit a murder. I am sorry if I hurt your vanity by saying so, but I assure you it is true. Crime belongs exclusively to the lower orders. I don’t blame them in the smallest degree. I should fancy that crime was to them what art is to us, simply a method of procuring extraordinary sensations.” “A method of procuring sensations? Do you think, then, that a man who has once committed a murder could possibly do the same crime again? Don’t tell me that.” “Oh! anything becomes a pleasure if one does it too often,” cried Lord Henry, laughing. “That is one of the most important secrets of life. I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner. But let us pass from poor Basil. [...]” Dorian heaved a sigh, and Lord Henry strolled across the room and began to stroke the head of a curious Java parrot, a large, grey-plumaged bird with pink crest and tail, that was balancing itself upon a bamboo perch. [...]

This is less obvious of a case, but here Dorian does suggest to Henry the possibility that he might've murdered Basil to see how he would react.

Dorian is disappointed after Henry is like "You? No way, duh", which suggests that he actually wished Henry would seriously consider the possibility so that Dorian can either like feel a bit better from confessing his own crime to a party that is not judgmental, or be reassured by him that it's okay too; or both (see: Henry previously was... VERY accepting of Dorian being a major part of the cause for Sybil's death).

His attempt at seeking reassurance fails completely, however, just like Light's attempt for Soichiro and others to accept Kira and everything, because Henry does not believe Dorian to be a person capable of murder and refused to believe that Basil could've been murdered in the first place.

but yeah tl;dr: Dorian Gray sure is an accidental OCD allegory like Light Yagami. very intriguing

[keelt9]

Chapter 9

Fog

Masterlist

It's Friday night and I sit in the steps from the main door letting the breeze help to clear my mind. “Here.” Camille offers me an ice lemonade. 

“Thanks.” She sits next to me, grabbing her cup of ice tea, clearly enjoying the same view that made us Riley and I fall in love of this place.

“Me? Thanks to you Y/N, we retain you here all week with the move, taking care of Henry, fixing, painting, etc.” I smile to the horizon, the memories of me and Riley doing the same years ago brings me comfort.

“It’s my pleasure and you know that.” She remains silent.

“For months Jack thought we would never see you again.” I put my head down. “Not because we blame you, but he thought it was hard for you to see us. When you appeared at our door, something that was absent in his eyes came back. The night before we moved, he said that; you coming back in some way to our life, is like keeping the promise he made to Riley.” 

I look at her, the confusion in my eyes makes her keep talking. “Riley makes us promise that if for some reason something happens to him, Jack will make sure that you never feel alone.” 

I remember talking to Riley about the years I felt alone when I started my path for being in the navy and he swore to me that while he is around, I never have to be lonely.

I put my hand in my chest rubbing it, just when Jack got out of the house and sat next to us. “And now we promise the same, you are always going to have someone in the world.” 

“I hate to cry in front of you.” I tell them, cleaning my face. “Thanks, I’m really thankful, I hope you have a bright life here, Riley wishes that for you.” Jack put his hand over mine and then Camille. 

“Whatever life takes you Y/N, we hope the same, and you promise Henry; visit us from time to time.” I smile and nod, crying like a little baby.

When I arrived home Wednesday night, my parents had a letter for me. The admirals called for me Tuesday at 12:00 hours, it’s time.

“Everything is going to be fine.” My mother says while holding me. “You are the best.” 

I look at my father and he is smiling at me. “The #1.” He raises his finger so I can see it before joining the hug.

I call Jill hoping she is already in Fighterown, she answers me that actually all the team arrive a couple of days ago and left for visit their families, but she calls them for they giving me their support, I was expecting intensely calls but no, Monday night they drag me out of my house to the runaway.

“Are you nervous?” Justice asks me, I cross my legs and laugh. 

“Very.” But they just scoff, I think we understand the risk where I am. “But, here, I want you to make me a promise, if it’s possible.” All nods. “Never let anyone put you down without giving your best, whatever the veridic is, I always look out for every one of you.” They nod looking at each other. “Even for you Shooter, you have a huge job, being in my place it’s hard.” All laugh and Shooter pushes me. 

I asked all of them and my parents remained silent about the appointment and the fact I was already in Marimar. The least thing I need is people looking at me with concern and pity for a whole week. I focus on painting the parts of the house I miss before leaving, keeping my mind and hands busy.

“Painting till the exhaustion won’t change the decision they already take.” Dad tells me from the window of the kitchen. “Y/N.” I refuse to stop painting. 

“It’s enough.” I crash in the grass letting all the air I’ve contained come out. “You already did your best, be back or not won’t change all the years you serve, whatever that comes, you are going to face it like you always do, with your head up high and the confidence you are going to give your best.” 

I see him, he has that soft look on his face. “Get rest, tomorrow is an important day.”

That night was the most stressing in my life, I keep rolling and rolling in the bed, I stand a couple of times and layback but when the tiredness takes of my body I get some sleep, in the morning I put my uniform and get ready, I barely touch my breakfast and when my father leaves, he just hugs me and smile at me. At 11:00 I say goodbye to my mother.

“Honey.” She calls me from the hallway. “I’m so proud of you, never forget that.” I smiled at her but inside I felt bombs in my stomach and my head.

I wait as calmly as I can outside of the big room, in the hallway I see all my team but no dagger was there, I don’t ask about it because that will make me more nervous, so I just focus on one thing, all the time I have been in the sky.

“Lieutenant Kazansky.” A man calls me to get in, I turn and watch them with thumbs up and smiling before entering, whatever happens inside I want to see familiar faces.

The feeling I start to have when I get in isn't the one I want to remember at that moment. I listen to them but I don’t hear them; they tell me my ups and downs, my failures and my success, but my mind is having flashbacks.

“Lieutenant Riley Miller died in action....” My hands are sweating. “After analyzing all the reports and actions….” My heart is pumping so fast that it feels like someone is bombing it. “…There’s no reason….” I have my head straight and looking at all the people in front of me but at the same time my vision is so blurry. “…Lieutenant Y/N Kazansky has any kind of responsibility or guilt in the death of Lieutenant Riley Miller.” 

After the verdict I hoped to find some kind of solace or at least felt a little bit less miserable, but it was the confirmation of something I already know. I can’t save Riley no matter what.

The sound of the squeak of one chair against the ground, brings me back to the present.

“May I ask you a question, Lieutenant?” Rear admiral Jhonson asks me, seeing me straight to my eyes, whatever it was I already experienced all the judging face years ago. “You have an impeccable record, you can easily leave with honor the navy, why come back?” 

“Well…For 2 years that question keeps rounding my mind and actually I don’t think I have a reasonable answer or one that you want to hear.” He crosses his hands over the table. “I’m not chasing a ghost if is something that concerns you, it’s just since I was so young, I always dream be up there, the excitement I experiment be in the sky and the comfort that give me help to my country…if you want a simple answer, I want back because that dream isn’t over yet.” 

Maybe it’s my sentimentalism but I can see a little side smile followed by him sitting straight one more time, he watches Cyclone who nodded to him, that was the approval he needs.

“Lieutenant Y/N Kazansky after exposure and analyze all the results and observations of the multiple tests and exercises, also the reviews of the officers in charge to evaluate you….” I take a deep breath. “We conclude reestablishing your status and being an active element of the navy.” Is really hard holding back the smile and the tears. 

“Welcome back Lieutenant Kazansky.” Rear admiral Jhonson says, after a couple of seconds all the officers and admirals stand and lift the room congratulating me for being back. But I watch to my left side where my father is standing watching me with proud eyes and nod his head before leaving the room with the others.

“Sky” I see Cyclone speaking from the door. “We see you tomorrow.” I smile at him, but he sees the hallway. “But just for today, celebrate.” 

When the door was about to close all my team rushed to get in. “Well?” Tom asks and everyone's eyes are watching my face with attention. 

“I’m back.”

All scream and high five with the other before hugging me and congratulating me. “We have an appointment tonight ladies and gentlemen.” Justice says making everyone giggle.

When I left the base, everyone makes me promise I’ll be in Hard Deck at night, I’m not going to lie I was expecting some kind of miracle where the dagger team found me in the parking lot and I give them the good news but it’s useless they couldn’t arrive, I just hope everyone be safe.

At home my mom and Penny prepare a little celebration. Dad, Maverick, and Hondo ask for permission in the base, Amalia comes when she gets out of school and rushes to be there, all congratulate me and wish me the best. When my parents and I remain in the house, they hug me and tell me how proud they are of me.

“Riley must be really proud of you honey.” My mom says grabbing my face. 

“Really proud.” My dad grabs my hand. “You did well Sky, you did really well.”

In the night I change my uniform for a black sundress. I know before going and celebrating with the team I have an important stop to do.

Jack decided Riley must be buried here in Miramar where he made his dream come true, after the funeral I never came back to his grave. It was so painful to stand in the front line with Jack, Camille, and baby Henry, people watching us and giving us words of consolation that day; I promise him I just came back when I have really big and good news. With the sun hiding I stand in front of him one more time.

“Hey, you, I’m not bringing you flowers if that’s what you expect.” Riley always made fun of me about the fact I hate the act of giving and receiving flowers. “But I bring you this.” I put in front of his grave a pinwheel with a flower shape, I kneel in the ground. “I’ll be back with the team, it won’t be easy, it won’t be the same without you annoying me in the back, but I’ll work hard to be a better version of me, of the girl you protect until the end.” 

I put my hand over his name. “Thank you so much Riley, I promise I’ll keep me safe as much as I can and everyone who flies with me.” I stop for a moment because the knot in my throat is making me lose my voice. “And like Henry says, we always meet up there.” A cry escaped from my mouth. “I am making the changes you and I talk about; your family is fine, and I always keep an eye on them like you do with me, they already called me for the news.” I scoff. “My ears are still numb because of their scream when I told them I got back.” 

I hear an airplane flying above us. “Be happy wherever you are, and always talk to me when I get lost.” I stand and shake the ground of my knees. “I love you so much.” I spin the pinwheel before I go.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

We're Back To UCMH!

I have been waiting for this book for literal months, and I am SO HAPPY that it is finally here. I'd have read it in one day, except that I got 1 hour of sleep in two days, so I did actually crash before getting to finish Halle and Henry's story. It was worth it though, because watching the dynamics between a neurodivergent-coded love interest and a demi-coded love interest was absolutely fascinating. I had so much fun with Halle and Henry, and it was nice to have Nate, Stassi, Russ, and Aurora around a little too. Like, the "adopted by a gang of hockey-playing golden retrievers" vibe that I loved from Icebreaker was still here, but we also get how Henry and Halle navigate a deeply gregarious group that loves them. Let's talk Daydream.

Hey, so this is your SPOILER WARNING because I'm going to SPOIL THE HECK out of this book. You were warned, proceed with caution.

Soooooooo...the fact that Henry DIDN'T take a swing at Will because he was so worried about how Halle would feel about a) what her dickhead ex-boyfriend said and b) about Henry's response just makes Henry the bigger man in so many ways, and that was just deeply satisfying to me as a reader. That and Halle letting her mom HAVE it because her mom has been using Halle as a third parent in the household since Halle was a kid. Hannah Grace has a knack for making character arc climaxes immensely satisfying and avoiding cliches, and I really appreciate that. I also loved how Halle and Henry both get climaxes that work WITH their character arcs. Halle learns to say no and prioritize herself, and Henry gets to BE himself and be loved and supported in his needs.

So I'm not neurodivergent, and I'm not always good at seeing it in books and book characters where it's not explicitly stated in the narrative, so I was grateful for the letter that my copy had about how there was explicitly NOT going to be a diagnosis. I will say I'd probably have caught it in Henry's case from the text and the context, but I appreciate the clarity and I also appreciate the opportunity taken to highlight that nobody needs a diagnosis to be valid or to explain their experiences and needs. Just the matter-of-fact acceptance Henry gets and the patience people in his life have to let Henry explain what he needs and then GIVING THAT TO HIM with no questions asked was lovely. I also love that it wasn't always perfect. People made mistakes in good faith when they were trying to help, and there cannot be enough good said about modeling communication, accepting new information, and doing better the next time.

Listening to and believing people when they tell you about their needs and experiences should not be groundbreaking, but holy crap do people still struggle with this, so I love that Henry never had to. He is surrounded by people who listen, hear, and support.

Which is extra nice narratively because Halle is not. Her dickhead ex-boyfriend is ten kinds of jerk, her family basically uses her as a stage manager/extra parent, and she was honestly super isolated and lonely before she got pulled into the house full of hockey playing golden retrievers (seriously, that wonderful lost keychain in a frat house tumblr post about how wonderful "boys will be boys" can be as a vibe when it isn't toxic absolutely applies here). I was never a Halle, but I have KNOWN Halles, and I cannot tell you how lovely it was to watch her learn how not to people please and to find herself in a girl squad that genuinely loved and valued her in addition to having Henry around. It was lovely and happy.

I also (and please feel free to correct me on this) read Halle as demisexual coded, and that's a dynamic that I'm not used to seeing in romance novels, but it was also one that I really enjoyed. It's never bad to reiterate that pressuring someone to do something they're not ready for or don't want to in bed is SUPER BAD, ACTUALLY, and that that behavior includes bullshit like trying to enforce arbitrary timelines or calling someone cold for not wanting sex. Also, asexual spectrum identities are entirely valid, and deserve more representation in romance.

Overall though, the thing that made this book for me was Halle and Henry's communication. They're really good at the communication thing and they're really good at BEING together, which does not mean sex, it means that they are good at existing in the same space while being aware and accommodating of each other's preferences, needs, and boundaries. AND THEY HAVE FRIEND SQUADS FOR SUPPORT. Because it is normal and healthy (and often hilarious) to have multiple sources of support in addition to your partner. I adore that Henry and Halle have that, and the side characters (both new ones and ones we know from other books) are still wonderful.

Other things I adored in this book in no particular order:

Henry being a fine arts major. That was such a fun alternative side to an MMC after Nate and Russ were SO sports-focused. Henry having that extra dimension was great.

Halle being a writer. This is very much a "ooh, it me!" moment, so your mileage may vary, but I do love me a writer character. (Yes, this is why I still have a deeply soft spot in my heart for Rick Castle. No, nobody asked. You just know this now.)

Henry being so worried about Halle being sick that he takes her home to his mother who is a literal doctor. Henry was correct, Halle needed to take care of herself, and honestly, this was the sweetest thing.

Halle getting to have her girl squad preparatory periods. As someone who also used to adore getting ready for stuff with her girl squad, there is something really wonderful about this dynamic, and it was a treat to see Halle get to experience it.

The sex painting. I was not expecting to do anything but roll my eyes at this scene, but actually? It was well handled, it was cute, it made sense in the context of their characters, and y'know what? Sure. The book not self-cringing at this also helped, and I was willing to let these two adorable college kids have their fun and make some art together.

Henry's gift giving. I am a Halle, I am SO BAD at gifting, but I appreciate the skill in others. And Henry NAILED it. A+, no notes.

Halle admitting to Gianna that she wasn't sorry she and Will broke up. That was big for Halle personally, and hot damn did it model something important to her little sister. Just excellent.

I had a delightful time with this book overall, and I'll be sad to leave Maple Hills. If we are lucky, there will be more Hannah Grace books in the future though!

[toringo]

i would love to hear about your thoughts on what henry thought of william, or how his opinions changed throughout the years. did he despise him by the end of it all? or were there still some bittersweet thoughts lingering there?

Depending on the version, the answer changes. Let's start with the game version because there is the least to say about him.

Despite me being an intense Helliam/Willry shipper, we know way too little about them to say just how friendly they were. In the game lore alone, I like to think they started as business rivals and Henry admired William and his work and must have liked him enough to perform with him on stage as partners. Maybe he was a bit put off by William's cold and deflective nature, but he… enjoyed him, enjoyed the time they spent together and the things they created. After he finds out that it was William who hurt his daughter for whatever petty reason, he would obviously hate him and I don't think that the hatred goes down with time. I just think that with time he gets sadder about this. I think that he wants William to die and suffer but he holds just a bit of guilt-inducing sympathy for him, nostalgia, the slightest note of longing.

Book Henry and William? Oh, they go WAY BACK. Become business partners early on, maybe even meet in college. Henry adored William when they were younger, he was Henry's best and only friend. Later, when they open Fredbear's it only becomes more intense. This version really wakes my Willry sensors. I think that book Henry loves his wife, loves his son but, shamefully, he puts William above them. Charlie above William. William - he associates with his animatronics, and he loves them (hates when they're broken, below his standards, and needs to fix them immediately). He loves William. He might not show it properly, but he does. William is very distant and so is Henry and he thinks that they're comfortable like that, being close from afar. It's comforting, they're on the same page. Until they aren't. He knows it was William when Charlie is taken, but he keeps quiet and isolates himself from everyone else, even his close family. Makes himself think it's possible to fool death. William stays at his side, and it hurts the most. I don't think he ever grows to hate William in this one, he wants him dead but only when he is about to die. He is desperate lonely and confused. He never gets to understand why William's done what he's done, he never gets a chance. I guess he is bitter, who wouldn't be, but he loves his 'faithful partner'. He puts the bare minimum into thwarting his evil plans which he himself doesn't understand and leaves, hoping to see him on the other side.

MY HENRY THOUGH. UMM. They meet in college and are polar opposites. Hate each other's guts at first but then slowly grow attached. It's a quick rival to friends. But at the friend stage… William confuses him, more than anything. Unbearably pessimistic and such a damn perfectionist, a bit too similar to Henry on that. It takes him some time to understand he's got a crush, he isn't even the first one to confess, even though he wants to. He and Will are very lovey-dovey in their own, weird, introverted nerd way. Attached at the hip. Until William dumps him for one of his friends of course, and gets married and has a kid that could not possibly be made after they broke up. So. He is heartbroken, resents William more than a little, and is desperate enough to feel pathetic at each turn. He tries to move on and gets a family, but it doesn't make his feelings go away, it only makes them worse. They become friends again later, partners, and it seems like that would be it, his heart still aches but he could get used to this. If not for the fact that William is acting as if the feeling is mutual, giving in at times only to give him the cold shoulder the very next second. He is annoyed with him and loves him so much, still. Later he goes from pity for him after 83' to a desperate need for closeness after Charlie and then blazing hatred when he finally finds out. And beyond all of that, there is this neverending pining and hurt. He sometimes is tempted to let go of the revenge, to crawl back to William and be with him. He never does, he ultimately also puts Charlie above.

[whumpcloud]

Things End | People Change - Simmering

masterlist

content: intimate whumper, vampire whumper, emotional abuse, gaslighting, reference to past drowning, reference to parental death

"C-Can I get you a-anything?" Vincent stammers, his polite nature getting the better of him until he remembers. "Um, do vampires… drink…?"

Lyfelde is still glancing around Vincent's flat in silence.

Vincent clears his throat. "M-Mr Lyfelde?"

"You're stammering, stop it," Lyfelde says, then waves a hand dismissively. "And yes, we are perfectly capable of drinking, or eating for that matter, there is simply no particular reason to aside from taste. But I would appreciate a cup of tea. However you make it. You wouldn't mind if I lit a fire, would you?"

Vincent wavers for a moment to process all of that information, then quickly nods and slips away to the kitchen. Lyfelde hasn't even looked at him since entering the building. When Vincent returns with two cups of tea, Lyfelde has sat himself down on a chair at the old wooden table.

"Mr Lyfelde?" Vincent says quietly. "Wouldn't you prefer to sit o-on the sofa?"

"No, I'm quite fine here," Lyfelde says. "Closer to the fire. Sit, sit. And remember to speak up, dear."

"Right," Vincent says, quiet again, then he clears his throat once more and raises his voice. "Right. Sorry."

He sits down opposite Lyfelde, and places down the teacups. He doesn't know what to say, what conversation he's supposed to start, so he sips at his tea instead.

"Surely you could've afforded somewhere nicer to stay," Lyfelde says, and Vincent chokes. "You have the manners of gentry, no doubt you have the money."

"I- um-" Stop stammering! "Yes, Mr Lyfelde, I… I just didn't want to be a burden by wasting too much money on a trip. My brother already sends me a generous amount of money for university expenses."

"Your brother?" Lyfelde's interest is clearly piqued. "You hadn't mentioned a brother."

"...I suppose I… saw no reason to?" Vincent awkwardly taps the table. "But yes. I have a brother. Henry. Eleven years my elder."

"Quite a bit older, then." Lyfelde smiles, leaning forward a little. "Tell me about him, dear. I'd like to know more about you."

Vincent is still surprised that Lyfelde cares to hear anything about him, as though they haven't met every few days that night. Lyfelde can tell in the way his mouth opens in surprise and he sits up straighter, as though he's trying to impress Lyfelde. Adorable.

"W-Well, he… he partially raised me," Vincent says. Tap tap tap. "Our parents passed when I was nine years old. He's… always taken care of me. He understands me better than most."

"Is he married, perhaps?" Lyfelde asks, taking Vincent's hand. Vincent sees an affectionate gesture. Lyfelde is simply irritated by the fidgeting. "Any children?"

"Yes, married, no children," Vincent replies. "Though last I heard they were trying. Anise - h-his wife - she's nice, she is, but I don't know her all too well. We only really speak in passing."

Lyfelde does the math. Eleven years older, making Henry Maddox thirty-three to Vincent's twenty-two. Humans die less nowadays. Henry might live until his seventies.

It's then that Lyfelde decides Vincent cannot return to England. Not for at least fifty years. Lyfelde can keep Vincent away for that long, surely. It's barely any time at all.

"They both sound lovely," is all he says out loud.

"They are," Vincent murmurs, then flinches and speaks up. "Sorry. They are."

Lyfelde smiles. Vincent is already being so obedient.

"Apologies if it feels as though I'm interrogating you," Lyfelde says, laughing slightly. "I'm simply interested."

"I… thank you," Vincent says, his face flushing. "Um… do… did… sorry. Is there anyone you consider family, Mr Lyfelde?"

Lyfelde hums. "Not nowadays. I certainly had family before, of course. But no-one now. Friends are also a rarity."

"That… must be lonely," Vincent says, tentatively.

"It can be," Lyfelde says, then tilts his head. "Wonderful that I met you then, isn't it?"

Vincent's face lights up in an awkward smile. "Are we… friends, Mr Lyfelde?"

"What else would you call us, dear?" Lyfelde laughs. So childish. "Now, there is one particular matter I'd like to discuss. Have you given any more thought to my offer?"

Vincent bites his lip, and nods. "Yes, I… have. And… I think… I would like to take it, Mr Lyfelde."

Lyfelde squeezes Vincent's hand. In a room as warm as this, it is the first time that Vincent notices how deathly cold Lyfelde is. Other vampires have laid their hands on him a few times. They're all cold. But Lyfelde's hands feel like ice.

"I was hoping you would," Lyfelde says. His fangs are hidden in his smile, this time. Can't have Vincent backing out now. "May I ask your reasoning?"

Vincent sighs softly, staring into his teacup. "I… I want to be respected. If I'm a vampire… I could be more… like you. I could be something. I have no chance to be anything as a human."

Lyfelde wants to laugh. He's somewhat sure that if he did, Vincent would still stay. But he doesn't, on the off-chance it will put the poor thing off, and simply presses his lips together to suppress it. So naive.

"You do understand what you are agreeing to?" Lyfelde asks, running a thumb over the back of Vincent's hand. "You must live off blood. You will not be able to go out in the sun without being burned. You cannot touch silver. All of the things I have explained to you before."

He's leaving a few details out. But it isn't as though Vincent knows better.

"B-But I won't die. I'll be stronger, I'll-" Vincent's mind goes to being eighteen, to suffocating on the water filling his lungs. "Nobody will be able to hurt me. Ever again."

Lyfelde bows his head to hide the involuntary smile. "I understand. Very well. I must ask, when do you plan to leave?"

"In a few weeks," Vincent replies. "I would like to be home for late August."

Lyfelde's eyes narrow as he looks up. "A few weeks?"

Vincent falters. "I- Is there… a problem, Mr Lyfelde?"

"You would really leave me so soon?" Lyfelde sighs and looks aside. He takes his hand back. "And here I was thinking that you and I…"

Vincent stammers for a moment too long, and Lyfelde stands, stepping towards the fire. He only has to wait for the guilt to begin seeping into Vincent.

"M-Mr Lyfelde, I didn't… mean it that way," Vincent tries. "You could always… always come with me--"

"Yes, because I should be the one to upend my life for you," Lyfelde scoffs.

"Mr Lyfelde, England is my home," Vincent says, a note of desperation in his voice. "I- Of course I would love to stay here, b-but--"

"But what, Vincent?" Lyfelde says, turning towards him, a cold look in his eyes. "It's fine. You can certainly run on home, if you wish."

Vincent is losing Lyfelde with every word he speaks. He stands, clutching his chest over his heart in a silent plea that does nothing to move Lyfelde at all.

"Please," Vincent says, "you have to understand--"

"I understand perfectly well!" Lyfelde snaps, and it is the first time Vincent has seen him angry. Lyfelde takes a step towards him and Vincent steps back. "It is fine. You may leave. As everyone else does."

"Mr Lyfelde--!"

Lyfelde moves much faster than Vincent's eyes can keep up with, and the next moment Vincent is on the floor, hand over his cheek, eyes wide and stinging with tears. The pain burns into his face, simmers under the surface. He stares up at Lyfelde, who has gone very, very still.

"Oh, Vincent, dear." Lyfelde's voice is soft again. "Let me have a look at that."

"N-No!" Vincent gasps, stumbling upright. "You--!"

"I didn't mean to do that," Lyfelde says, hands splayed to emphasise that he is not a threat - not anymore, at least. "Please, Vincent, there's no need to cower. It's only me."

Vincent hesitates, then lowers his hand. It is already stained. A wound has opened under his eye, dripping with blood that Vincent can't help but notice Lyfelde's eyes lingering on.

"Oh, poor thing," Lyfelde murmurs, and Vincent flinches when Lyfelde's hand lands on his cheek. "I must have scratched it open."

The wound is deep. Vincent shudders at the thought that this is a scratch.

"That hinders our plans somewhat," Lyfelde murmurs.

"What do you… mean, Mr Lyfelde?" Vincent asks quietly.

"Ah, I should have explained before," Lyfelde says, gently wiping some of the blood from Vincent's face. "Vampires heal quite quickly, I'm sure you've noticed. But it is a misnomer to call it healing. We simply return to the state we turned in. And that, unfortunately, includes any injuries."

Vincent's face drains of colour. "So… so I will have to wait?"

"Sadly," Lyfelde sighs. "Really, if you hadn't provoked me so, we could have had it over and done with tonight. But I couldn't bear to leave you with an eternal injury."

"I…" Vincent trembles. It sounded as though he was threatening to leave forever, didn't it? How could he have done that? "I apologise, Mr Lyfelde. I… I shouldn't have spoken that way. I- I would hate for you to feel lonely. I care for you, I do."

"...I know you do, dear," Lyfelde says. "Let's clean you up."

Vincent sits patiently as Lyfelde dabs him with a damp rag, doing his best not to wince. Regardless, there's going to be a nasty scar just under his eye once it heals over. And it likely won't heal for weeks. Vincent will have to put off turning until the very last moment.

And, well, Lyfelde hasn't mentioned how long it will take to adjust.

"Ah, I think I missed a little," Lyfelde murmurs.

Vincent freezes at the feeling of Lyfelde's tongue on his jaw. Lyfelde has had his mouth on Vincent more than once now, but this is different. Somehow more intimate than sucking Vincent's life from his neck. Vincent's breath hitches as Lyfelde's tongue curls and licks the last of the blood from his face.

"There we are," Lyfelde says, wiping Vincent's face dry.

Vincent doesn't object to Lyfelde's behaviour. Even as Lyfelde's hand snakes into his hair. There's a power that Lyfelde always feels when doing this, watching someone shape themselves to his will.

"I am so very glad I met you," Lyfelde smiles. Open mouthed. Fangs bared.

And Vincent's little face still lights up even as his eyes show fear.

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