#seeing patterns making connections

[blossoms-phan]

okay random midnight thoughts i need to release before i sleep for some fucking reason dane dehaan is on of those actors i feel such a random connection to lore about me is that i genuinely love what is widely considered (at least from what i’ve seen) to be one of the worst spider-man films (tasm2) i think i’ve seen it like 20 times and that’s kind of where it all started and then in lockdown i committed to watching his entire filmography (kill your darlings is soooooo dark academia tumblr it rocked my world and i think a cure for wellness is criminally underrated) but i unironically love chronicle so goddamn much it’s just such a 2012 movie with the fun high school found footage but also editing and action movie of it all and it wasn’t until after i watched it that i clocked the promo from the “makers of chronicle are asking what are you capable of” in the Christmas cookies video and for some reason my mind just explodes when it comes to dnp and pop culture existing in the same world like yeah i know that was 2012 and that that’s how promo used to be for these films made with actual love and contacting people making videos purely for the fun of it not paying dozens of influencers to go to your premiere that don’t actually give a fuck about the movie SIGH

[ghostwise]

lords of fortune: scurvy

mournwatch: vitamin d deficiency

crows: iron deficiency

[the-woman-upstairs]

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

My hot take is that marcanne has as much potential for toxic yuri as any other calamity trio ship and it's not nearly as soft and fluffy as one may think

[bylrndgm]

Bestie after seeing my latest post do you have any theories about this? Do you think will could be in danger? I'm curious what you think 🤔

hello!!! the way i screamed when i saw your post because last night i saw this post and to me it seems like will's bike in s3 was reddish too, i hope i'm not wrong. but then there is the shoes thing. look, what i'm saying is that these are the shoes mike and will wore in 2x03:

now, mike's shoes in S5 are puma shoes but the colors are the opposite? like, the shoe is black and the puma logo is white (see here). to me it's not impossible that they had a similar wardrobe choice with will (white adidas with black logo, like in the bike picture).

and putting these two things together with the fact we haven't seen any will bts, makes me think it's quite plausible that the bike photo is a sneaky way to give us will crumbs.

and the fact that the bike photo is set on the running track ... i just don't get good vibes (esp. considering that they say that s5 is very s2-coded). but i could totally see mike being in danger and this time it's will who helps him!! a whole new dynamic that would be really interesting to see.

[freakinator]

i do sometimes wonder how chronically online i Actually am cause some takes and knowledge that i have Seem like they come from touching grass was actually a result of me being chronically online and vice versa

like me being so against the way twitter boundary culture works may seem like a result of me touching grass but is actually a result of me being chronically online and having to see the same story of harassment and doxxing and censorship of marginalized individuals over and over again (with some ppl even going so disgustingly far as sending irl gore and csem to strangers)

meanwhile me being so against bigotry and basically acting like an sjw is mainly a result of me touching grass cause i gotta deal with that shit everyday and ive learned over the years that generally speaking ppl would not give a fuck even if you asked them to unless you were particularly close or if you showed how upset you were enough and even if they still dont give a fuck after showing how upset you were at least makes burning bridges a lot easier (and boy do i love burning bridges)

and then theres some knowledge i have where its not a result of either it just so happens that i know where to look, like for example did you guys know that the terms --maxxing and mogging originated from the incel community?

[puppppppppy]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[newtness532]

gonna attempt to make a vest with no pattern, possibly not enough yarn, just a dream and a hope and if it turns out bad oh well i still got to crochet

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

I want to be more authentic on my other social media platforms too, where irl people know me.

But I have such an intense fear of being perceived I sit. For 3 hours. On a post before posting it 😭😭 I literally just stare at it and have an anxiety attack lol.

And even then sometimes I end up deleting it.

Even though I only do it for myself and nobody really cares it's still ajajaja hard.

But I want people to see me more than a shallow human lol

And maybe, even if only one person likes my "true" self, then I'd be happy 🥲

But what if they bully me more ahhah I already am not the most well liked 🥲🥲🥲🥲

THOUGHTS GO AWAY lol 😭

[faunabel]

kinda nervous to show my real blog due to the hetalia fandom giving me lasting trauma but... how do i genuinely make friends in this fandom?

oh i'm good at answering these kinds of questions!! apparently. a lot of people have said it so i'll take their word for it!

ok, first. i know everyone hates hearing this but the most important thing really is to be yourself. act from a place of love, not desperation or fear. do what makes you happy. create what makes you happy. be the person who makes you happy. if you're comfortable in yourself, other people will feel comfortable, too! everything will naturally fall into place if you set the right intentions.

other than that, i can give some general socialization tips! first, if you're interested in someone, let them know!! showing interest makes people feel welcome and wanted. small risk for potentially high reward. be genuine!! if you're curious about something, ask. if you like something, compliment. if you think of something funny, share it. be curious about where things will lead. don't try to force or control anything. connections are fostered through mutual interest and shared vulnerability, which takes time to explore. (additionally, asking questions is a good way to keep a conversation flowing. people like talking about themselves!)

a big issue i see people have when they struggle to make friends is that their focus is too self-absorbed. like, they're trying too hard to be liked, and the focus ends up on wanting validation instead of genuinely showing interest in another person, which ends up repelling the person they're trying to attract. don't fall into that trap!! act from love!! if it starts feeling bad, you're probably acting from a place of desperation. relax and remember you don't need anyone's validation to have worth.

also, remember that most people on here are awkward and nervous! it's not that scary if you realize everyone is just human.

[abirddogmoment]

some thoughts about the pressures of trialing in dog sports and the emotional environment of trials, partially inspired by this post by the beautiful @mongrelization

this post happened to come at a time when I was at a decision point in my trial career with mav. he had just started refusing jumps (i thought it was a training issue at the time, i now know he was in pain) and he wasn't having fun. we were disconnected in the ring, with him choosing to go visit friends or just blow past obstacles without attempting them. it was frustrating and it was such a stark contrast from our training runs (not flawless but immeasurably better than our performances in the ring) and i was making jokes (as everyone does!) about mav being the worst, etc, etc.

except they weren't jokes.

they sounded like jokes and they even felt like jokes in the moment, but looking back i can confidently see that i was frustrated and resentful and the "lighthearted jokes" from other competitors and from myself were just fueling the fire. i saw darcies post shortly after a particularly frustrating trial where we just couldn't connect, i was trying to decide whether to push through and fix our issues or give up completely on agility.

her post wasn't an epiphany, i probably would've gotten there eventually, but her post that said, essentially hey its fucked up to make those jokes about your dog and its fucked up for people to make those jokes about your dog and thats not how a trial should be - something clicked. its NOT how it should be.

i took a break from trialing in everything and cut training way back and just took all the pressure off of mav while i got my internal emotional environment back on track. im a really competitive person and its hard to consciously dial that back, but more than that, it's legitimately embarrassing when things go wrong with people watching you. if your default is humor about it (like mine), its a hard shift to not make jokes about your dog when things go wrong. but its an important and necessary shift.

i started trialing him again after about 3 months off, very lightly. i stopped entering full weekends and opted to do half-days or only saturdays and he fucking THRIVED. i made time to meet all his needs before trials, i prioritized his happiness over technically correct courses, and i got over the embarrassment of excusing myself from a run if it was going downhill. i fixed my internal emotional environment and that fixed our disconnect and made every win more meaningful.

the thing is, i am 100% sure i would not have fixed my emotional environment if i was actively competing and practicing the same patterns. i absolutely had to take that step back to fix myself. you can't make meaningful change if youre still in the middle of it acting it out.

i lost out on trials with mav and that sucked so much in the moment. i had awful FOMO watching my friends compete and finish titles while we did little low-pressure walks at home. but ultimately i gained something so much more important, and looking back i can't bring myself to regret that at all.

[iei-madcorner]

Yes i struggle a lot with metaphors and double meanings on irl conversations, song lyrics (i'm cooked), books... am i a fake Ni dom? No, it means that just like with sarcasm i can only get and/or understand those when they come from myself and not from others.

[asiancatboy]

been noticing some really interesting things and ways to compromise with myself lately that i had just never considered until now

[screambirdscreaming]

I read that article about [redacted] and I sort of need to talk about it but also I do not want to talk about it.

[mstepenwolf]

the astrologer was so right about this month being productive in terms of dating and preparations for the future. i think i found a master's program i'm interested in pursuing in a year, and right now i'm focusing on the finals and internship search. going on a trip to the beach in a week... a lot of things are happening.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Misc. photos from the past year or so ~