#see my mental health was going great until situations happened

[citrine-elephant]

gotta say, dissociation is a great survival mechanism and i'm absolutely fascinated every single day by psychology in general, and my own personal brain chemistry

just being an "outside observer" to my own internal struggles? so weird. so cool! love how weird the brain is and how complex the skullmeat is.

[phantoms-world-and-more]

Jazz in gothem

So danny was visiting jazz's new phyciatritrist business in gothem

From the sounds of it, its going great!!!

Most of the local rouges have been coming in , and from jazz's talks their getting better, she even said she'd introduce him to someone called mr.freeze who has ice powers and is a doctor danny wonders if he could help him with research, but there are 2 problems

Some furries keep trying to hack into her system, break into the building and attempting to get her to break doctors patient confidentiality, though tucker, reinforced walls from their parents and the anti-creep stick dealt with that problem

Though the option of sending danny after them is always on the table

Thats not the main problem though

No the problem is someone called the joker

Apparently he got word of a good phyciatritrist helping the rouges and according to jazz "tried to make them go back to his level" Apparently its a phyciatritrist term for when someone feels like others are getting better and they arent so they want to bring them back down so they dont have to change.

Anyway jazz is refusing to see him for a lot of reasons, the negativity and the refusal to get help being the main 2

So jazz called danny up to see if he could get this joker to leave her alone

.

.

.

Jazz, her clients, batman, red hood and the joker were all in front of her building

Jazz's clients were there because when they got word that the batman AND the joker were there they came running

Joker is there because he wants to distroy this goody-two-shoes fraud of a bitch

Red hood it there because he wanted to book an appointment

And batman is there to try and get information of what this jasmine fenton is up to

They've been talking for about half an hour trying to deflate the situation

After the joker pulled out his gun so did everyone else and this is what got jazz to snap

THATS ENOUGH, you can't barge in here are try to distroy other peoples chance for proper mental health, and you batman cant know whats going on eveywhere its not healthy and is disrespectful to other peoples privacy

The joker fired his gun at jazz and batman was about to try to save the girl when...something happened

A black and white blur got in the middle of joker and Dr.jazz

When the blur stopped ot showed a 16 year old boy with blue eyes, black hair bags under his eyes and he looked as calm as can be

???: you ok jazz

Jazz:yess I'm fine, danny could you please get joker and batman off my property, after i would love to introduce you to my clients

Jazz smiled at the boy and the boy ,now danny, smiled back

Then he turned to face the batfam and the joker

Danny:ok chuckles you have 3 seconds to leave befor i make you

The joker laughed, or he did until danny took 2 steps foreward and ATE him

Dislocated his gaw, opened his wouth wider than it should and ATE him

Danny swallowed the joker turned to the batman and with Lazarus green eyes that they all knew as the pit rage and said

Leave

[exhaslo]

Corruption Ch5

(Villain!Miguel x F!Hero!Reader)

Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4

Warning: Minors DNI, smut, mentions of sex, violence, blood, murder, twisted thoughts, experimentation, language, wannabe fluff, established friendship?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four months, eight days until D-Day

Your body was sore and exhausted. The amount of second guessing you had towards this Super Hero gig was high. This was not something you were used too. What were you thinking when you decided to fight straight up crooks on the street?

You barely survived a roach crawling in front of you. All of this crime fighting was taking a toll on your physical and mental health. You were so tired that you were worried someone would catch on. This secret life of yours needed to be worked on better.

What's worse? Actually villains are starting to pop up! Who the hell would have thought that there was a Vulture in this day and age. Nothing like the one from the great hero age, but goddamn, enough to make you want to cry.

"You look like shit," Miguel grunted as he entered your office. You replied with a whimper as you rubbed your eyes, "This is exactly why my experiments will-"

"Better humanity," You whispered, finishing his sentence. Miguel just gave you a quiet glare before taking a seat on your couch,

"You know what to do. I got knots from dealing with the idiots down in lab two."

"When am I ever going to get repaid this wonderful favor?" You asked with a tease, approaching him from behind.

"When you do as much work as me," Miguel scoffed in response.

You just chuckled weakly towards him as you massaged his shoulders. Thanks to your night life, you were too tired to argue or complain with Miguel during the day. You weren't sure if Miguel liked that or not yet.

Dozing off as you pinched Miguel's shoulders, you tried to focus on your main task. You needed to find a good time to approach Miguel as Spider Woman. You needed him to listen to you. To answer your questions.

--------

Miguel had closed his eyes for a moment as you relaxed his tense muscles. It wasn't long for him to feel your touch soften that he regained his senses. Right as he went to complain, Miguel felt your head rest against his neck.

Confused, he glanced towards you, finding you asleep. Your breathing was soft as your hands still rested against his back. This would drive any man crazy, but not Miguel. Getting up, Miguel was careful to lay you against the couch.

"What's got her this tired?" He muttered under his breathe, "Lyla-"

"Let's see. (Y/N) recently signed up gym membership, telling her friends that she feels like she's too fat. Oh, she's also being flirted with by the new IT guy. Let's seeeee-"

"I didn't ask for all that," Miguel rolled his eyes before glancing back down at you, "If she had Spider Woman's strength, she wouldn't be this tired...but I wouldn't know that until I get a blood sample from that hero."

"Don't say that too loud or poor (Y/N) might cry in her sleep," Lyla teased as Miguel started to leave the office.

With a quick lock behind him, Miguel ignored his AI-whom was having fun with the situation. In order to stop hearing his AI, Miguel requested Lyla to set an alarm for you. Today was the day that the last prisoner was going to be tested.

Miguel needed you there.

"Oh, and Lyla, have that new IT guy join us for our experiment today. We could always use more...witnesses."

--------

You gasped and shot up from your slumber to the sound of a roaring alarm. Attempting to calm your racing heart, you spotted Lyla in the corner of your eyes. She gave you a simple wave and informed you of Miguel's experiment that was starting soon. Your fave turned a million shades of red once you recalled what happened before you slept.

"Lyla! Is Miguel angry with me?!" You panicked, trying to fix yourself up. Lyla smiled as she appeared before you,

"Miguel can never be angry at you!"

"But-"

"Trust me!"

As much as you wanted to doubt Lyla's words, you knew that Miguel has done worse for smaller things. Perks of being his only friend here...if that was even safe to call yourselves. It were moments like these that really made you wonder what Miguel was thinking.

If he didn't like you, then what were you to him? The thoughts sometimes made you go insane. Most of the time it just led you to crying when you were alone, wishing that Miguel would just show you some affection.

Hurrying to the lab, you grabbed your tablet and readied for the notes. You could still feel your heart aching as you wondered the look Miguel was going to give you. As you arrived, you noticed a few different and new faces.

"Hey, (Y/N)!" The new IT guy waved to you.

"Oh...Hey, Aaron. Um, what are you doing here?" You asked.

"Mr. O'Hara said something about wanting to have someone ready to fix the machine if it broke down."

Ohhhhh, Miguel had something up his leave. You just gave Aaron and innocent smile since you didn't have the heart to tell him that he is being played. Though, you never took Miguel as one to hate any of the IT people. He let them work since they were the only ones aside from him who could fix his stuff.

"So, (Y/N), if it isn't too much trouble, I was wondering if I could take you out-"

"(Y/N), did you get enough rest?" Miguel hummed lowly as he approached you from behind.

You could feel your body warm up as Miguel pressed his weight against your back. This was the closest Miguel had ever been to you! Hesitating, you turned to face him, almost feeling hazy from the direct contact.

"S-Sorry, Miguel. I...I didn't mean to fall asleep," You apologized. Your breathing hitched as Miguel placed his hand against your cheek,

"It's fine. I've been working you too hard," His voice was low and sweet, turning you into putty.

--------

Miguel hid his smirk as he watched poor little Aaron shake in anger. Oh, the joy in taking away one's love interest. It was Aaron's fault. How dare he have eyes on you. Didn't he know better? You belonged to Miguel.

Miguel was a selfish man. While he may never make a move on you, it was still fun to show off that you belonged to him. Even now, just a few sweet words of concern and a small touch of affection nearly brought you to your knees. Now, Miguel couldn't lie, that look you were giving him was tempting.

"Let's start the experiment. (Y/N), watch closely."

"Yes, Miguel," You cooed, running off to your usual spot.

Miguel chuckled darkly before he turned to face Aaron. The poor man was holding back so much.

"Aaron, thanks for coming. Do make yourself useful."

"Yes, sir."

The anger in his voice was hilarious to Miguel. Before Miguel started, he reviewed everything once more. This was the last prisoner. This one had to succeed. It just had too! Miguel was going to resort to desperate measures if nothing came out of this.

Growling in anger at the thought, Miguel told everyone to start the experiment.

---------

If it were possible, hearts would be floating above your head. You couldn't hide your smile as you started to take notes. Perhaps Miguel did have a heart inside him! His touch was so gentle and warm. You had wanted to melt right into his palm.

"ARGH!"

Gasping lowly, you came back to your senses as the poor prisoner screamed in agony. This was cruel. Glancing at Miguel, you saw his face twist with pleasure. How could someone be so heartless? No, you had to see the light in him.

Miguel can still be saved!

"I'LL KILL YOU!" The prisoner screamed.

You shivered as you felt your spider senses go haywire. Something was wrong, but you couldn't act. Not here. After another moment, the prisoner broke free from the chains-his body now morphed into a half spider.

Eyes widening in horror, you watched as the scientists tried to restrain the prisoner. Miguel, on the other hand, was laughing. Finally, he had a success. Although, this was still far from what he was looking for. This was still far from him cloning you.

"Youuu!"

Once again, your spider senses went crazy. You returned your attention to the prisoner and gasped as he charged towards you. You needed to move, but like how you used too. You couldn't move like you do now.

"(Y/N)!"

--------

This was great. Perfect even. Finally, Miguel had something successful! Although, this wasn't exactly what he was hoping for, but anything at this point is a win. Miguel could just keep testing on the prisoner to see what helped make this time different.

Hearing the pathetic attempts of his coworkers to subdue the prisoner, Miguel hissed as he had Lyla get security. Why was it so hard to find good help?

"Youuuuu!"

Miguel let out, yet another, sigh as he turned his attention to the feral prisoner. His brows furrowed since the idiot was charging straight towards you.

You, frozen like a deer in headlights. Miguel wasn't sure what this feeling was inside his chest, but he dashed towards you. Lord, you were dumb, but move!

"(Y/N)!" Miguel roared out.

Why wasn't he fast enough? Miguel cussed as you screamed, rolling onto the floor as the prisoner dashed into the bench you were sitting. Finally reaching you, Miguel picked you up and hurried out of the lab. Your arms wrapped around his neck as you started to sob.

"Get back here!!!" The prisoner screamed.

"Tch, worked better than I expected." Miguel hissed before coming to a halt.

His wonderful test subject had crawled on the ceiling and landed right in front of the exit. Your grip tighten around Miguel as the two of you stared at the fearsome beast before you. Unable to hide his displeasure, Miguel scoffed,

"Killing me is too dull, why don't you have some more fun with it?" He spoke to the beast.

"Oh? I'd have you strapped on that table, screaming and dying like all the others." The prisoner hissed as acid dropped from him mouth. You tugged against Miguel's lab coat,

"M-Miguel, what are-"

"Fine, but let this little lamb leave. You can kill the lot of us after," Miguel offered, placing you on your feet.

"Miguel, no-"

"Deal, but only to give her a running start. I'll devour her after I'm done with you all."

Miguel chuckled lowly before turning towards you. You trembled slightly, not wanting to let go, but Miguel gave you a push towards the door.

--------

You nearly held you breathe as you stepped out of the lab. Once the door shut, you dashed towards the closest closet with no camera. Miguel was trusting you to get Spider Woman, that or he actually had a death wish.

Either way, he saved you....so now you were going to do the same.

"I'm coming, Miguel."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next Chapter

@tojishugetiddies @miguelsfavwife @foulsharkheart @club-danger-zone @ivkygirly @jollystrawberrycycle @amber-content @weirdothatwritess @smartyren @mangoslushcrush @nyxzoldyck6 @migueloharastruelove @chaoticlovingdreamer @sukioyakio @killjoy-nightshadow @heyohalie @the-pan-liquid @bokutosprettylittlebimbo @kpopscoups17130000 @pochapo @killerwendigo @barbiecrocs @miss-galaxy-turtle @oscarissac2099 @lazy-idate @lauraolar14 @migueloharacumslut @straw-berry-ghoul @daisy-artfield @sukunash0e @undf-stuff @iamperson12280 @nightingale1011

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.

AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?

So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.

Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.

Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.

Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.

Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.

My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.

The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.

My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.

I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.

So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.

They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.

I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.

My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.

My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.

I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.

So tumblr, aita?

(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)

[kyomaakuma7]

After a very long break I’ve come to finally say my share. For those who want to know in more depth how I feel about the full situation I am writing it down below.

Thank you for everyone who sent kind messages and comforting words and thank you most to my good friend @thisanimatedphantom and Kou who supported me through these hard times.

My statement on the Situation

When I started in Inky Mystery, I never thought that it would  get me to where I am today with the friends that I have now.  When I was first introduced to it, and reading it I was immediately entranced into the story and wanted nothing more but to illustrate it since I had already planned to remake the original. Seeing such a well-crafted story I knew that this would be the story that I would illustrate. (And TAP knows how much work and behind the scene illustrating I’ve been doing from character turnarounds, layout design, alphabet style, and etc.)

Soon I made the first blog and received overwhelming support which I had not originally imagined would come with making my first post, and to that I am grateful. Soon I befriended the author of InkyMystery as our friendship grew, so did the attention that I received with the comics that I was illustrating for them. Unfortunately deleted against my wishes, and after trying to get it back to no avail I created a new blog where I had to restart from the beginning. This process was not easy and for those who know me, I was completely devastated by the fact that I had lost that account. After making my new account with the support of TAP I started my journey again.

Unfortunately with the positive attention comes negative attention. Soon the posts started to gain traction again, and people started to come under the assumption that I was TheGreatRouge making their come back.  What people failed to acknowledge and do was to do further research on was whether or not I actually was. As you can assume I am not them. In fact, I do not like TheGreatRouge. Their content was some thing that I consumed in great mass when I was younger, but soon realized that a lot of the things that they made were toxic and I distanced myself from that. Since then, I have gained certain opinions from on this creator. Nonetheless, I do not find it acceptable that people are taking this approach, even if they do think that I am them.

The words that were said to me in my inbox, comments, and direct messages are not things that I will repeat here. What you should know is that a lot of these things were pertaining to me being a disgusting vile human who should take my own life. As someone who struggles with depression, this was a personal hit to home and it cause my mental health to decline drastically. And I spent days going through and deleting these.

At first, I did not speak out on the issue and distance myself from my friends until eventually I came back and told them what was happening. TAP felt for me and as you may know when they made a post about it which I appreciate greatly along with comforting me and encouraging my break.

I took a long break from working on the comic, along with interacting with the community which worried a lot of people, but it was necessary for me to do since it was harming me so much. I am officially coming back and I will be more active on this account since I don’t have to follow it as a mainly Inky Mystery account.

My final statement on the situation is that even though I am not TheGreatRouge under no circumstances is it acceptable to tell somebody to take their own life or attack somebody on social media just because your beliefs do not align with theirs. No matter how wrong it is, it is not acceptable. If you think that doing those things are OK then you’re not welcome in my space. Please leave.

Thank you and I hope to continue doing this since I love it so much <3

-Sincerely, KyomaAkuma

[brooooswriting]

Situations 2

Situations 1, situations 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Jenna Ortega x reader

The last couple of days have been hard on you and Jenna. You’ve been working constantly, your boss was up your ass the whole time while you tried to please him and keep in contact with Jenna as much as possible.

Jenna was scared to leave her home without anyone, the last couple of days her dad was with her as he was there to visit her but yesterday was his last day. She’s been texting and calling you every chance she had, looking for the comfort only you were able to give her. The whole situation took a big toll on her and her mental health, obvious to everybody.

And to make it worse, someone leaked what happened and videos of the two of you. You found it rather disgusting, how could someone Film all of this instead of helping? Nonetheless, you now had around 50000 follower more and you hated it.

You were sitting at your desk, annoyed, trying to finish your work when your phone next to you rang. Carefully picking up the phone your face lit up when you saw Jenna’s name.

“Good evening darling” you mumbled out as you tried to keep tipping. “Hello y/n/n” she said, you could hear how nervous she was but decided not to ask. She was going to tell you if she wanted you to know. After a beat of silence she spoke up again.

“Are you busy at the moment?” Her voice was quiet and small. “Never to busy for you, what can I do for you?” Your voice was cheerful and happy, sure you were stressed but you’d let everything fall if she needed you. “I haven’t left my house since yesterday and I’d like to go for a walk…” she stopped mid talking as she knew you knew what she was going to ask. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes hun” you said your goodbyes before hanging up.

You stood in front of your closet panicking, you hadn’t seen her again since the accident. Sure, you talked on the phone and over FaceTime but that was different. After changing into around 40 different outfits before deciding for a black skinny jeans and a Bordeaux silk button up with the sleeves slightly rolled up. It was a bit more fancy than what you normally wore but you didn’t want to embarrass her.

Picking up your skateboard you went up the porch to knock on the door. “Y/n” she smiled as she closed the door behind her. “Hello darling” she gave you a quick hug as you bent down to kiss her cheek. “Ready for a walk?” Walking down the stairs with her you playfully bumped your shoulder into hers.

“Sooo, how was work?” She carefully asked, unsure of what to say as this was completely different. You gave each other a quick look before laughing, you guys hated small talk it was something you learned about the other rather quickly. “I love it when you try to make small talk” you grinned causing her to gasp and lightly hit your shoulder.

After another moment of silence you decided to move past the small talk. “So how are you? I mean like actually with you know everything that happened.” She sighed lowering her head to look at her feet. “I’m getting there. As you can see I’m still not ready to go out alone but you know” while the actress was embarrassed of her behavior you were pretty proud. “You’re doing great. No discussion!”

After that there was silence again, a comfortable one. The sun was slowly setting, you and Jenna walking into the sun set. It was pretty dark by now, the silence was broken every now and then by random questions and discussions. But all in all it was going well, she was relaxed and seemed happy.

That was until a man, pretty drunk, walked towards you. He was babbling, stumbling towards Jenna who quickly panicked. You made out words like “Jenna Ortega”, “photo” and “hot”. Best guess you had was that he recognized her and just wanted a picture, but in the brunettes state that was a clear no.

So you pulled your sunglasses down so they covered your face before putting down your skateboard and stepping in front of her, your arm shielding her. “I’m sorry sir, but I have to ask you step away” your voice didn’t leave any room for him to argue so he grumbled before walking away.

Before you turned around to face the trembling girl behind you you saw several people filming and taking pictures with her phones and cameras. Shaking your head you turned around to see some tears stream down her face. “Come on, let’s get away from here” you mumbled to her. “Is it okay if I wrap my arm around you? There are cameras on us” you informed her. While you didn’t get a verbal one, you got a physical one. She threw herself into your arms which gave you an opportunity to pull her away, pushing your board with one of your feet.

You pulled the girl along until you were away from prying eyes. “Are you okay sweetheart?” By now her tears had stopped flowing and her breath was slightly normal. “Yeah, I’m sorry for the way I threw myself at you” she mumbled. You leaned down to kiss her head “no need to say sorry! You’re alright, he didn’t do anything, I guess he just wanted a picture with you” you explained stroking her back softly.

After another minute you spoke up again. “Let’s get you home alright?” She nodded hesitantly parting from you and making her way down the street. You caught up to her holding out your hand, she immediately grabbed your hand finding comfort in it.

Jenna was fascinated by you, the feeling of safety that you gave her was incredible. The way you hugged her after the guy came made her feel so warm inside.

“Ever rode a skateboard?” You randomly asked her as you looked at the board in your hand. “No, not really why?” Her voice was still slightly shaking but better than before. You let the board glide to the ground signaling her to get on it. “Are you crazy?” She laughed causing you to smile too. “No, come on. I’ll hold you” you promised which seems to do the job as she carefully put on of her feet onto the board. Before she lifted her other foot you carefully grabbed her hips to stabilize her. A faint blush coating her cheeks when she realized where your hands were.

Turns out Jenna had a pretty great balance but still struggled to move the board on her own, so you pushed her by the hips for the rest of the way.

The actress was surprised when you arrived at her home, the way back seemed like a maximum of 10 minutes which clearly couldn’t be the case, but you managed to distract her to the point where she didn’t even think about the man anymore.

“Good Night y/n/n” she mumbled as she hugged you goodbye, “good night hun” you smiled as you parted and waited until she closed the door before riding back home.

When you arrived at your apartment you looked at your phone to see yourself tagged in over 100 posts and some articles. One of them immediately catching your eye.

Jenna Ortegas new girlfriend or bodyguard?

Jenna Ortega was seen with the same girl the second time this week. People who saw them said that there was a connection between them that was indescribable. But it also was the second time the girl protected the actress from pushy fans.

So now fans are asking, is this Jenna Ortegas new girlfriend? Or is she just the bodyguard?

[sirgogington]

My Word Vomit Response on the Shelby Situation

Main Situation: Last week Wilbur Soot from Lovejoy was accused of having been abusive towards his ex girlfriend Shelby. Shelby is a live streamer and last week she did a livestream about the signs of knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. She never stated his name, but from details given people started assuming it was about Wilbur Soot. A few days later Wilbur confirmed that it was him in an apology tweet on his Twitter account. The abuse had to do with painful biting, and manipulation. 

    I want to start off by saying I do believe Shelby's story. I don't think Wilbur is innocent, but I do believe this situation isn't as black and white as people are claiming it to be. 

    Former fans after hearing the story started unfollowing Wilbur and Lovejoy and saying what a terrible man that Wilbur is, and vowing to never listen to or view any of his content ever again. He's not just a terrible man, he has to be evil too. I may be optimistic but I do think most people can change for the better if they truly want to. There are exceptions, but I truly believe that Wilbur can. The internet wants to just label him as evil and not give him any room to do that. The new thing is "guilty until proven innocent" and that's super harmful as I will go into in a different post. The way people are spreading hate in a us/them mentality is not a mature way of viewing/handling this situation and does more harm than good. Especially when it comes to death threats and doxing which have been received by both sides.

   Wilbur is someone who had a hard upbringing, and has brought up at different times his struggles with mental health. On screen or on stage you would never know this about him, because he has this mask of being confident, well spoken, and joyful. Through these details Wilbur has shared we know that touring took a lot out of him mentally and put him in a bad place, but that he was seeking therapy and is probably currently still seeing a therapist to try and get better. He's shared in the past that when he first blew up on the internet he used alcohol to cope because of how overwhelming it was that so many people were consuming his content. From Shelby's stream we also learned that his living space was dirty and unhygienic and that he would make excuses for it. The details for me paint the picture of a guy struggling badly with mental illness and having a hard time caring for himself and his home. Someone who can hardly take care of themselves should not have been in a relationship. This puts a lot on the other person.  It's different if he were stable and then then his mental health crashed in the middle of a longer relationship, but not if your too mentally ill to begin with. I do deeply feel sorry that Shelby had to experience that, as it truly shouldn't have happened. 

   I went to school for psychology and know quite a bit about different types of mental illnesses. I am by no means diagnosing Wilbur, but I do think he shows signs of someone with Boderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional disregulation disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD self sabotage and will frequently end up pushing people away because they don't think they're good enough for them. (In this case maybe he wanted to act so bad so she would leave him, which is very unhealthy). People with BPD also go through depressive episodes and can act impulsively. Without therapy it is extremely hard to cope with this condition but with therapy you can make great strides in changing. I think like most mental illnesses you are aware of the fact you don't like the way you're acting you just have a hard time controlling it. For instance for me growing up with anxiety I knew most of my fears were completely irrational but that didn't stop them from overtaking my life and still feeling anxious. Wilbur has written some really deep lyrics on his new solo album Mammalian Sighing Reflex and I feel like it reflects that he doesn't like the way he is and feels guilty about those he's harmed through it. Maybe I'm giving this man too much credit, but like I said I do believe most people are capable of changing for the better. 

   Shelby stated she did the livestream as a way to help protect other victims of domestic violence and Wilbur Soot himself. He might still be dangerous to the public, it's really hard to know. I know after my own situation with being manipulated I was worried about the guy going after other younger women like he had with me. I didn't want anyone else have to be in that situation so I understand where Shelby is coming from. I also know that if the guy in my life had ever posted an apology, no matter how good it was, that I still wouldn't believe him and have a hard time forgiving him. Bold take but I think his apology was at least decent. Could it have been better, yeah, but could it have been a lot worse, also yes. In his apology he admits to being the person Shelby was talking about. He states that her feelings are valid, and that he wants people to hold him to higher accountability, and that he was sorry for any hurt he caused. Maybe he isnt, but it's hard to know. Wilbur stated in a livestream from last October 2023 that he was going to therapy the next day, because of this we can assume that Wilbur has been going to therapy at minimum since October. In that same livestream he states that he showers once a day when he's in his "big sad", and that he has rented places all over Brighton. He is at least hygienic in this regard, maybe moreso than he was before. It could be a red flag that Wilbur has lived all over Brighton due to possible evictions whether that be negligence or noise complaints from doing livestreams.

   We'll never know how other content creators truly feel about him except for the ones that made it obvious. Of course most content creators are going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that he's an evil man. If they don't then they'll lose their platform because of all the hate they'd get. I do believe some content creators will still hang out with Wilbur secretly or still even remain his friend. But we'll never know. 

   For the people who are posting different video evidences of Wilbur supposedly showing signs of being abusive in the past this is what is called confirmation bias. If you believe someone is abusive suddenly you can find details in the littlest things to confirm your thought process. A lot of the clips I've been seeing have been of normal everyday behavior or confirmed bits. I've seen people say that Wilbur must have bit down really hard to leave bruises. In some cases people bruise more easily than others. I know I have random bruises on my body from nothing. We can tell that what Wilbur did however was pretty painful due to have to use a safe word. Getting bitten usually hurts. I've been bitten by a 5 year old at work and can't imagine how it would feel to be bitten by a grown man who intentionally bit down hard.

This could be confirmation bias as well, but when looking at the lyrics in Mammalian Sighing Reflex and at the album art it seems to tell the story of a man (Wilbur) who really messed up in a relationship and is feeling the pain from that, and has a lot of regret due to knowing he was the cause of her pain. He poured so much of himself into the album it's like he's bleeding out in front of the audience with the amount of vulnerability.

Analyzing lyrics because why not, using lyrics from "Mammalian Sighing Reflex"

"I get so drunk I can barely see." If this album is related to his relationship with Shelby, which I think it probably is, then maybe he tried to cope with the relationship failing by using alcohol, or sabotaged the relationship through drinking.

"A lot of friends have left my life, escaping my tractor beam of woe" Having a mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships. This could be because it makes you so self-focused on your problems, or that people get tired of hearing about your problems. If you constantly talk about how sad you are, some people are going to have a hard time dealing with that, or get burnt out from having to keep on cheering you up.

"Fuck my life, you cared when I was sick, no one ever gave a shit.....you fought this war one-sided and asked me what am I doing this for." These lyrics seem to speak about how in a past relationship (probably meaning with Shelby), that she cared that he was mentally ill/in a low point and wanted to help him get better. The fight to help him get better was one-sided due to Wilbur not helping to get himself better. If he would have helped her then they "could of stitched my mind together."

"Never been the one for romance, never thought that I'd get married. Never been the kind to give a shared life a second glance, selfish prose." In Shelby's livestream she talked about how her and Wilbur talked about the possibility of getting married and having kids until he backtracked and said that he wasn't that way and changed his mind.

The song "I Don't Think It Will Ever End" is how his mind seems to work in cycles. He'll be sad, because he feels sad he hides away for a bit, but then he feels silly for hiding himself so he forces himself to interact with people. But then when forcing himself to interact again he feels sad, which he says is not a good feeling when you're supposedly in a good phase. He says as self-sabotage he gets silly. Wilbur is known for telling a lot of jokes, and maybe this is a way he masks his true feelings. Also for Mammalian Sighing Reflex it says the songs were written by William Gold (his legal name) and performed by Wilbur Soot (his stage name). Wilbur is who the internet/fans see him as and William Gold is who he really is. Meaning the way we see him online is the extroverted, charismatic, likeable guy we know him as whereas William Gold is introverted, self-sabotaging, nerdy, and a deep thinker.

     The internet gives us way too much information. We're constantly bombarded with more and more information. Before the internet and even in the earlier internet days you did not have this. People were not being as closely viewed and known as they are now. You have to be careful about every little thing you say, because God forbid you say the wrong thing and get canceled. It didn't used to be this way. The only reason you'd ever know anything bad about a celebrity is if they were in the news. I think most of the media we consume whether TV shows, movies, etc. have the potential to have us supporting "bad people". It would be overwhelming to look up every single person we had ever consumed media from and sift through what are lies and what are not about each actor, singer, etc. I get that people don't want to give a platform to people doing bad things, but it's almost impossible to know and to remove every single bad person from the content you consume.  Being a celebrity in general is hard. It's easy to become addicted to drugs, and experience toxicity especially celebrities that live in Los Angeles. Most become people they regret, but some change for the better too. I'm not saying people who do serious crimes should get out of jail because they can become better people. People in jail should remain in jail for serious crimes. Time will tell what becomes of him. If more about him is released or if he's able to actually make strides in his health like he said he would. We will wait and see. I really hope he can heal and get better. Even the most unlikely ones can change their lives. You can both support Shubble and hope that Wilbur gets better.

[commanderchr1st]

Why I left tumblr suddenly in 2017 at the apex of my blog commanderchrist.

I'm sorry to "break character," but I gotta say some shit as Joe that's been bothering me for years. It is corny, it is personal, it is emotional, but I've recently been facing a lot of personal turmoil, and I gotta say some shit.

I'm not calling anyone out, not trying to start drama, but for quite some time I've had some baggage that has caused me a great deal of mental damage, tbh. More below.

Hey all, 7-8 year old drama here. I've told my friends this story, and I've also kind of hinted at it, but I've never really gave an official response why I left tumblr in April of 2017. It's a really long story, and it's been connecting to a process of grieving multiple friendships, two relationships. I've never really wanted to talk about it too terribly much on an account that is so closely associated with what happened, I mainly spent time venting on private tumblrs, going to see doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. For a half of a decade, I was extremely upset, and honestly, it kinda came back in 2022.

First off, fartdick-supreme was a blog I made a few days after I left commanderchrist. I was obsessed to see a particular user disparage me, make false claims, and I was very, very angry on that blog. So, if you do snoop a little, just know that's a hella mentally ill college kid writhing in pain, not a coherent blog at all tbh.

The above picture was sent to me on discord in November of 2016 before they started telling one of my friends I called them fat (and they knew that person had self image issues and most importantly I didn't), racist, treating Tumblr like a meat shop, telling somebody I had a crush on that I was exploiting them because of their pill addiction (just an insane thing to say tbh), conspiring with an ex that cheated on me to write a callout post about all of this and more lol. I deleted in 2017 because I was unmedicated, going through a pretty severe breakup, was taking more than a full-time load at school, and this former friend was doing shit like this almost every day of the week. I refused to talk about this until I've had a LOT of time to heal because tbh somebody who I considered a close friend doing this kinda shook my mental health. I deleted, but I never left. I really don't want to leave their URL or talk specifically about anyone who was impacted on tumblr, but this has also affected a lot of individuals I used to be friends with. And for a lot of that, I was the scapegoat. I accepted this blame. Even though I didn't do like...any of it. At the most, I was a mentally ill alcoholic who had a really hard time navigating friendships. A good deal of friends also had their own individual hardships, especially this individual who had spread these accusations to myself and my friends.

I think it's important to say that all of this started because I was talking shit behind the friends back. I said they were a sore loser, I said they were impossible to talk to, I said they were bossy when it came to playing games, I said they needed to work on their anger issues. And I denied it to them, which I should not have. I should have told my friend all the problems that I was having with them. I failed to do that, because they were a very defensive person. My friends tried too, but they did not have any luck. So, it manifested as anger, and I did talk shit about them to those friends. Word got back to them, and this is how it all started. I'm not going to point any fingers because MOST of those friends, I am still on good terms with, but there were definitely a few that also seemed to share similar frustrations in a public setting.

Maybe it's because I'm mentally ill, but I refused to confront this. I deleted. I left. I went on medication, I finished my degree. But I did not ever once publicly defend myself.

Fast forward to now, and in 2022 I was faced with a very similar situation. I had broken up with my partner of four years. I REALLY don't want to get into the details of that relationship because it was incredibly toxic. I did a couple things I was not proud of as a response, especially when it came to involving my family in our relationship. Both my ex and my mother tried to drive a wedge between me and the other person, and it was maddening. It was a horrible way to live. Especially since every interaction I had with my mother was her trying to pry me from that relationship. At the time, I thought she was being manipulative and shitty, but everything changed in December of 2021 when my ex went to go visit family and I was left alone after moving several times, being evicted twice during covid, making some dumb mistakes financially, and it all dawned on me.

I was being abused. My ex from 2017 had BPD, which is fine, but my ex from 2022 also had this condition. And I was able to see a parallel: I REALLY don't want to go in detail about my relationships tbh and was one of the reasons I didn't want to bring it up, but in both relationships I was put into some fucked situations. In both, any time I had issues with something it was like pulling teeth... 0-10 on the intensity meter. I would bring things up and immediately be disparaged, yelled at, etc. In one of those relationships, they were drunk daily and would call me up and yell at me. They were also sleeping in the same bed as their ex boyfriend for months and not telling me (it was long distance). They also had some sexual exchanges with a pretty well-known tumblr user. The other, long story short, sexually abused me a lot. Put me in a situation of fatherhood when I explicitly mentioned I did not want to be a part of it. They said it was okay. And it was all okay, until all the sudden our bank account was shared and I had moved to a different state. They trapped me financially, and cornered me into fatherhood. The rest of the abuse got a bit more intense when I was left isolated without family in the state I was living in. This shit is hella hard to talk about, but those two are linked. In December of 2021, I realized everything. I was terrified, depressed, isolated, and ruminating. I broke up with my most recent ex in 2022 because...well its complicated but I misinterpreted this grief as me being gay. I thought I was purely attracted to men, and vagina repulsed. It took me longer than this to realize no, I was repulsed by my ex because of sexual abuse. Anyways, when I broke up with them, they threw shit all over the place, some at me. They screamed at me and told me that I was a waste of four years. And they immediately told me I could not be a father anymore and could not see the child. When just month prior I was given a deadline on providing a child for them.

What did this all have to do with 2017?

I've lived long enough to see me make some pretty big mistakes twice in a row. It's not the relationships I regret, despite the abuse. It's the lesson that I failed to learn myself. I need to stand up for myself more, and not accept blame when I did not do anything. I've been diagnosed with (at the very least) minor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder recently, I've had some mental issues in the past. But we are exploring that this may have been derived from PTSD. I think these two scenarios have been a part of it. I've let this get under my skin. In 2022, I lost a couple friendships because I did not explain ANYTHING to them, and my ex spoke to them a day or two after our breakup when I was still grieving, processing, trying to figure all this shit out. I'm ready now. I am a mentally ill person who suffered abuse from other mentally ill people. I have made the mistake of allowing THREE people who have mistreated me and left me with lasting trauma rule my life. They made me run, I've allowed myself to become all the things these abusive people have wanted me to be because I did not stand up for myself, I did not deny anything.... I ran like a coward. I'm sorry for doing that.

To the select people who have heard these rumors from these people in my life, I don't blame you for believing them. As a matter in fact, I'm sorry that I did not explain everything to you.

It will not happen again. And if we have had conversations in the past, or you have considered me a friend. A friend. Not a funnyman, not a "derailer," not anything on this site. If you have talked to me, if you know me as Joe, not Jog. Feel free to DM me.

I've stopped with the anon messages, because tbh I don't want to deal with them. I've had this individual and a couple other send me them throughout the years. If they have anything to say, I'd appreciate them striking a conversation with me via here, discord, whatever. And the same with you if you're curious. Just come to me, ask. I won't yell at you. I won't say anything I won't want to say, either, so if you ask and we were never close or didn't have a friendship in the past, I may not be inclined to share more receipts that I have from this time frame. But I'm an open book.

If you've read this far and you've thought some of my posts are funny, videos, whatever. I just wanna say thank you for sticking with me and appreciating it. And thank you for hearing something out that you may have not had a general interest in. Again, this is not a callout post or anything like that. This was years ago, I'm ready to move past this. I need to heal, and if you were a part of this... even if you were shitty to me, I want you to heal and get help, too.

[2hoothoots]

Revisiting P2 since the docu epilogue dropped and your AMV (<3) popped up as a sign for me to ask something that hopefully you haven't already spoken about years ago: What did you think of the in-game psych explanation for Maligula, that she's the primitive savage part of the mind? P2 is a weird mix of sketchy Freud/Jung concepts that Tim likes meshed with modern psych, and Maligula's deal seems like something they probably wrote a lot of different versions of but never quite solved elegantly

yeah, i think you totally hit the nail on the head - it's always felt like one of the parts of the story that they couldn't quite give enough polish to before they had to finalize it and move on with development. like - i went to go get my artbook to see if it had any insight into the writing process, and did you know that Nona and Maligula being the same person was apparently added way later in development? that's wild! i didn't know that until literally right now! i may or may not have skipped straight to my favourite characters when my artbook arrived and then put it on my shelf without reading the whole thing

ANYWAY, retrospectively i think it being a twist that was added later actually makes a lot of sense in the context of everything you mentioned. the Maligula problem, to me, is the fact that they're trying to juggle a bunch of different things that she has to be in the story. there's Maligula, the ruthless big bad, and Nona, the beloved grandma, and if you suddenly have to also make them both the same person... well, it ends up being kind of a thorny writing problem to make that work, haha.

here's some art i made so this isn't just a wall of text, rest of the answer under the cut

i think one thing they could have done when they needed to rehabilitate a mass-murderer into a lovable old lady was pull back on either end of the spectrum. make your villain softer and more sympathetic, or give grandma a mean streak like she's one bad day away from a tragedy at the crochet club. and to give the story credit, i'm really glad they didn't. Nona is relentlessly sweet and endearing - and that's great! she needs to be in order to make the audience care about her, otherwise the emotional beats are never going to land. likewise, Maligula is a great villain, she's vicious and ruthless and at the culmination of her arc we see she simply does not give a shit about murdering hundreds of people. i love that for her, honestly, you go girl

but then, like - how do you connect the dots? how do you frame grandma having a violently murderous streak in a way that doesn't make the ending of "but she's over it now" feel kinda weird and hollow? and how do you do that while also being sympathetic to the game's themes around mental health? Maligula's informed by the traumatic things that happened to Lucrecia during the war, but she can't just be a manifestation of trauma, because the moral of the story being that trauma makes you a mass-murderer (until you beat up your trauma and shove it in a giant pit) would feel... really tonally dissonant!

so i think you're totally right that the sprinkling of pop-psych concepts we get ends up feeling a little bit like an awkward band-aid. Maligula's story is about how the horrors of war can shape you into a terrible person, who does terrible things - ...but there's also, like, special circumstances, so it doesn't feel weird that she goes back to being Raz's sweet grandma afterwards. special psychic circumstances! she's not just any war criminal, she's the fight or flight response gone out of control!

which - i dunno, i think that line in particular always stood out to me, because that's not really what the fight or flight (or freeze or fawn) response is, right? it's a temporary boost of adrenaline to the system to rev you up for getting out of a dangerous situation. an overactive fight or flight response is called chronic stress and anxiety. i know the games are pop-psych and not actual science, but it always stood out to me as a little awkward.

if it were me in the writer's seat - with the benefit of all the time in the world to workshop it, and no looming deadlines, and the hindsight of having a full completed game in front of me to think about - i might have tried to frame it around connection. i think you could swing the lens to instead focus on how violence, stress, trauma etc., make it harder to understand and empathise with the people around you. the tragedy of Lucrecia's story is that she came home to try and help her countrymen, the people she cared so dearly about. but the more time passed, the less she cared, the less she was able to see them as people. after Marona's death, the Maligula that remains is one who's unable to even care about killing her own sister. the alternative is too raw, too painful - instead, she sheds her last vestiges of remorse, and throws herself into the easy relief of violence. (we see this again, when Nona "awakens" as Maligula - when confronted with the baggage of her past, she chooses to wash it all away with force, unable and unwilling to care about the people she used to call friends.)

and i think shifting the focus like that ties it in thematically, too. a big theme (of both games, but especially the sequel) is how important connection is, how being able to understand and reach out to and rely on other people is a lifeline during hard times. PN2 touches on how there aren't really "good people" and "bad people" - everyone has the capacity to do wonderful or terrible things, and i think Raz's line to Maligula about how "everybody's got something like you" works. Lucrecia was never a monster, no matter how everyone tried to pretend she was. she was just a person, the same as everyone else - and just like everyone else, she could be pushed to extremes under the right circumstances. it just feels kind of odd when the implicit context is "everybody's got a mass-murderer hidden in the primal recesses of their brain", hahaha.

but like, again, that's the privilege of hindsight, right? i've definitely also been on the other side of the creative process, stuck with something i suddenly need to make work in a story and having to come up with a solution that feels like a band-aid. sometimes you just gotta call it good enough, and move on. and i think the game is overall much stronger for having Nona and Maligula be the same person - it plays into the wider themes, it sets up some great emotional beats, and i think it's overall well-executed, even if there are one or two hiccups in the writing.

anyway, great ask! thank you for the invitation to ramble, this is something that stuck out to me on my first playthrough of the game and it was fun to sit down and get my thoughts in order

[trans-leek-cookie]

listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.

The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.

To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.

If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take

Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"

Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.

I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.

And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).

Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)

Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?

Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.

It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware

Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy

[rainedragon]

how do you get over the social anxiety of wearing something "unusual"? i've wanted to wear lolita fashion for years but just can't muster the courage

So, for me, wearing lolita actually helps with my anxiety because yeah, it's absolutely weird. And there is something very freeing about not trying to fit in. Yes, people may think it's weird. But I know it's weird. I'm purposely being weird. So I don't have to care if people think I'm weird, because I'm trying to be weird. People generally don't say mean things, or give me dirty looks when I'm out by myself, honestly more often I'll get random compliments? And people smile more genuinely? I try just to be extra nice when I dress up too, so like, I'll make sure I smile if a kid stares, or if someone comes up to talk to me, or if I'm in a checkout line I try to be more friendly/nice than average. So like, being extra nice kind of becomes a shield I put up to make it harder for anyone not to be nice back to me. That said, I do tone it down more for like, going to the mall, than I would for going to a convention. I don't typically wear wigs and 3 headbows when I'm going shopping like I might for a meetup or a convention. That's another thing, going to meetups with other lolita or spaces like anime conventions where lots of people are cosplaying can help with getting used to being in public in lolita without being the only person dressed "weird". Like, when there is a whole flock of lolita, people do stare more, but there are a bunch of other people who can deflect questions. Gothic and classic also can be easier to wear in public alone than sweet. And then with sweet, fruit prints also are a lot more "normal" to non lolita than like, carousel or toy prints. So, if I don't want to be bothered, I'll wear brown or black classic / old school, or I'll just pick like a gingham and cherry dress and style it somewhat casually. It also helps me to have a task. So, like, I used to bring my camera to cons as a new lolita and I would take photos of other people's outfits or cosplay. Going up to someone and telling them you love their outfit and asking for a photo in a setting where that is encouraged like a convention center, or asking them where they got something, can be a great way to meet people with a positive first impression. When I'm shopping, I'm actively shopping , so I focus on the task at hand. I also tend to catastrophize, so, I think for me as well thinking "ok what's the worst that could happen and what would the solution be?" can help? Like, what is the worst that could happen? Someone looks at me funny or yells "where are your sheep" and then... what happens next logically? I don't care about that person. I don't know them. I'm probably not going to see them again. Who cares if they like my coord or not. They don't even know what lolita is. So why should I let them dictate how good I feel about myself today? Their opinion doesn't matter, they are being a jerk, and if they make me feel uncomfortable I can leave. And I just sort of find solutions or ways I would handle and resolve those situations I'm nervous might happen. Now, if you don't already imagine bad things happening, I'm not suggesting you intentionally do that, but more like, if you already have those sorts of thoughts, interrupting them with logical arguments is something I find helps me. If you are going to like school or something where you will see the same people again often, I'd suggest slowly easing into a style change. So maybe you start doing your hair with braids, and then wear more dresses in general and just of kind of slowly change your style to be more lolita-like until it is just lolita. Finally, I'm not a mental health professional, I'm just a lolita with generalized anxiety / panic disorder. What works for me may not work for others and this isn't medical advice.

[itskattkm]

New York New Rules Pt. 5

Warnings: Violence, Trauma, Fluff, maybe Smut, mental health, blood

Summary: Y/N meets the survivors of the last events in Woodsborrow and gets on Ghostface's list. But there is also a darkness in Y/N wich path is she going to choose

Female Y/N x Tara Carpenter

Sorry for bad writing. I'm using a translator and hope you guys can enjoy it. Also, this is going to be a slow burn

A/N damn guys I wrote that on the plane and what happens before I finished? I deleted everything by accident… and then I had to rewrite. What means, I couldn’t write it like I I did in my first draft. Hope you still like the chapter, and if I hadn’t rewrite it, well it would also be longer

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,

Now I stood here and made the pizza for the Woodsborrow Gang. I was basically free on Friday because of the therapy. Maria had even insisted on this herself because I worked here most of the time on the weekends. But now I didn't have a therapist anymore, how would I do it now? On the other hand, I had done it this way so far.

Heavy steps that just moved over the ground came closer to me and the next moment Maria kept me company. I would recognize Maria's steps of hundreds of meters. But to defend her at this point, she is already around 50 years old and had opened the pizzeria here with her family when they had emigrated from Italy to America. They wanted to get a taste of the American dream and in the end they got it too. Maria was a great inspiration at this point, she had always stuck to her wish, no matter how difficult the way there was. Thanks to the job with her, I always had the advantage of baking pizza when I wanted and as much as I wanted or I took something else from the restaurant with me. My mother doesn't feel that I was still eating pizza, but at least it was something. I always called it the pizza diet back then.

When suddenly something wet hit me on my neck I looked shocked at Maria she had hit me with her rag "Don't you think that's too many jalapeños?" She said with her arms crossed and looked skeptically at the pizza I had just topped "It was a special wish" I said with a smile. Now Maria raised her eyebrow, looked at me skeptically. Her brown hair with the caramel highlites had been put together into a messy bun when she said with a strong accent "Y/N you don't have to exaggerate right away, I hardly see the tomato sauce or the cheese" I grinned and looked at the pizza "that's still possible" she sighed "hopefully this is the first and last pizza you did this way“

Where would I be without Maria?

I listened to her while she was talking in Italian until she was finished. Now there was a short silence, she was interrupted by the entrance door. When it had opened and touched the bell. I degenerated on Maria's usual greeting, but it never came. Confused, I turned my gaze forward and wiped my hands on the black apron I was wearing around my hip. I took it off as I walked around the workplaces and ran towards the restaurant. When I stood at the door frame, I found Maria on the floor. Her eyes were wide open as she held her hand firmly on her neck. Blood.

She was flooded with blood and had leaned against the wall. Slowly my gaze wandered in and met him.

Ghostface. He was here...

I had held my breath in the hope of becoming invisible.

"Y/N I would have called you, but unfortunately I don't have your cell phone number," he said and looked at me crookedly.

My gaze wandered over the white empty face of him and got stuck in his black eyes.

"You could have called the pizzeria," I said before my brain could process any information and situation. Was that the adrenaline? Or did the survival instinct felt like that? Carefully, I took a step back and looked back to Maria. His knife was in her neck. Maybe she would survive? But there was already so much blood. Way too much... how could she stay so calm?

With her eyes she tried to tell me something when she looked at the kitchen several times. I understood and turned my attention back to Ghostface "you wouldn't have answered on your day off," he said.

Analyze. Analyze! I screamed in my head. Okay Y/N that was now the chance to take information with you. How often would I run through the Ghostface otherwise? Let alone survive?

Note one, he definitely seemed taller than me. So it must have been a man, but the robe made it very difficult to distinguish that. I understood why the killers had chosen this costume. Okay note, two he had a Voice distortion and then his face. Damn you couldn't see anything except a crooked look here and there. But wait... Note three...

"How do you know that I work here and have Fridays off? And since you don't have my number, maybe Mindy's statement wasn't so wrong... you're Ethan" I said cooler than I thought. Ghostface straightened up and did not answer. His body language told me that he was pissed off.

Fuck. The next moment he sprinted towards me so quickly that I almost stumbled when I ran back into the kitchen. I reached for everything I found to put as many obstacles in his way as possible. After I had made a round around the work surface, I grabbed the noodle wood and threw it on his face on the way to the restaurant. However, I only missed him there slightly. So I grabbed every chair in the restaurant I got into my hands and threw them mercilessly at him. If I could do something well, then it was to throw chairs!

When I hit him again, he fell to the ground. That was my chance! I grabbed another chair and started hitting him with it. There it was, the anger. Fear? No, I wasn't afraid.

Suddenly Ghostface was able to reach for the chair and now turned the tables when he began to press it firmly against me.

I fell hard with my back on the floor.

No. No. No. I quickly tried to get up, but realized that I had slipped and was now in a blood trail. My gaze followed the blood pool and I found Maria lying on the floor next to the small reception. No... my gaze continued to follow her tips that she had left behind and there was the phone itself, it hung down the wall.

The next moment, Ghostface lay over me and pushed me firmly to the ground. He put both hands around my neck and began to choke me. No. I certainly wouldn't die now! Not after what Maria had done. And then there was this feeling again but I couldn't say if it was the adrenaline. I grabbed Ghostface firmly by the shoulders "Fuck you!" I screamed and hit my head against his. His grips left my body and he groaned in pain. I fell back exhausted and suddenly he took a knife over me the next moment. Ghostface pulled out and I would immediately be hit by a pain that I couldn’t avoid... but what I could do was to decide where this pain would hit me. With a force that I never expected, the knife came towards me and pierced my left hand when I came to meet the knife with it. Trembling, I resisted him a few centimeters above my face. Why didn't I feel any pain? I asked myself now, I barely took how the blade had drilled through my hand. I looked into the black of his eyes and screamed as he began to move the blade in my hand. He would cut my hand in half just between my fingers and I couldn't do anything about it. On the contrary, I continued to exert pressure to push him away from me. I felt his strength read and could perceive his astonishment despite the mask.

Piece by piece I felt the metal destroying every one-liner muscle and that tendon. Only a few centimeters were missing and my hand wouldn’t be one piece.

Just when I thought my cry would be the last thing I would hear and ghostface's face would be the last I saw before my death, a sound appeared that I never thought I would feel safe of it.

Sirens. Ghostface resistance disappeared from now on. I smiled dirty at him and whispered " now you're fucked!" His gaze fell to the window. The red and blue lights of the siren were reflected in the white of his mask.

And then he gave me one last look and ran into the kitchen. The door was torn open and I was met with a relief that I would never have wished for. Kirby held her gun in position and glanced through the restaurant, behind her a SWAT team and some police officers.

When my vision deteriorated and the pain hit me like a bullet in the chest, I croaked "K -Kirby" and I no longer had to stare at the darkness, I saw in Kirby's eyes that were as bright as the sky. Worried, she looked at me "kitchen" I whispered and let my head fall back. " Hurry up!" She called out to the team and was by my side the next moment. I shook my head "Maria..." Kirby followed my gaze and I recognized so many feelings in her at once, but she managed to collect them and gave clear instructions. Her gaze fell on the police officers "paramedics immediately!" Already a group of them stormed in and they gathered around Maria.

Was she still living? Did she have another chance? I had to know I had to see her.

"Why cant I see anything!" I said without a voice and shook my head. Kirby straightened up much carefully and leaned my upper body over hers as she pressed me into her arms and began to wipe over my face.

"Tell me that you can save her! "I called the paramedics in my half voice. I hadn't realized how much I had screamed while Ghostface was about to kill me.

I began to breathe hard. Kirby's grip around me became stronger and she wiped away more and more of my tears. So they were the reason why I couldn't see.

"Williams... I need you here," Kirby said sternly and one of the paramedics turned around. He came to my side and raised my arm to look at my hand.

My head burned and pounded... my voice was now just a soft whisper. "I -I was so scared Kirby... i -I thought I was dying" tormented she looked at me and nodded "everything will be fine Y/N" I shook my head "no... no it won't"

I resisted her grip and wanted to stand up, I wanted to destroy something. I wanted to hurt Someone like I was hurt and there I was hit by a small sting on the upper arm. Confused, I saw to my right upper arm " fuuuck..." I whispered before everything got dark I began to fall.

[sandandlightning]

Hi there! Sorry to bother you, but i have a question: Today I dreamed of Set, where he basically introduced himself and showed me how he slayed a s/na/ke, a myth i was unfamiliar with until I woke up and googled it. I did some divination to make sure it was him i saw, it was affirmative. I wanted to ask how is it to work with him, as i am going through a bad time, stagnant and depressed, i fear more chaos in my life and idk if that would be his method of teaching?? sorry to bother you with this

This isn't a bother at all!! I made this blog to connect with others and share, you're completely fine darling!

The thing about 'chaos' is that it is a very very broad term that encompasses a lot of things, many of which aren't the first things that come to mind when we hear the word in a modern context.

Chaos can be the realm of emotion- something that is distinctly human and illogical by its nature. Set has definitely helped me with understanding that feelings don't need to 'make sense' to be valid, that you are allowed to simply feel your feelings and process them.

Chaos can be whimsy- some thing random, but not bad or negative, not turbulent or jarring. In this sense Set has taught me to enjoy small moments, to do things simply because I can- 'take the back streets' and 'stop to smell the roses'. What's stopping you from wearing a gaudy purple crop top? Because you don't actually like it, or societal expectations?

The greatest aspect of Set's Chaos is a simple understanding that change is a an inevitable part of life. Both good and bad change. You will lose things and life, you will gain others. Sometimes the later is actually harder than the former, especially when dealing with mental health issues. Set seeks to equip his followers with this understanding so they can adapt to both the good and bad.

Set had certainly never thrown me into the water with no further explanation expecting me to miraculously learn how to swim, that is not his method. Chaos has such a negative connotation in a modern world that those are the kinds of images people think of- they accidentally are making chaos synonymous with 'unfair'. But a lack of distinct order is not always cruel, the randomness of nature is something beautiful.

Rather than being thrown into a harsh, unyielding chaos, my work with him has had him encouraged me to become an avatar of positive chaos, of good changes and heartwarming whimsy. Think about how little kids are stricken by awe and wonder when they see things like a person with brightly colored hair- sometimes a small, simple thing can bring so much merriment and joy to the world around you.

He has certainly encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone, but he has never shoved me out of it without warning. In my own and other's experiences, battle coded deities like him sometimes flock to the wounded to give them strength and courage. I have no shortage of mental health struggles myself, and he has helped me cope with them through out the years. Your specific choice of the word 'stagnant' say a lot to me about why he reached out to you- I have fallen into that place more than once, and he is a great power to work with to help you to start to move forward again- he will not treat this affliction as some kind of flaw or sin, but as the wound and illness that it is, help you heal from it, not punish you for it.

I don't know your whole story or situation, but I can say with confidence that if your only apprehension with approaching Set after he has reached out to you is a fear he will make things harder for you, add pressure and expect you to struggle out, that will not happen. I have seen him act with such balefulness but never to his followers, rather to those who would seek to harm them and the innocent. Also, if you do reach out and do not feel there is good chemistry, he will not force you to stay or make things difficult for you to move on to another divinity. Gods work in mysterious ways, and I have had my attention grabbed by one just for them to lead me to another more than once.

Hope this was helpful! Sorry it was long.

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 7 Minagoroshi pt. 2

Guess that answers the question I had a long time ago about whether or not Rika knew what happened to the other characters after her death. I wonder if the other outer-dimensional entities are aware of the rest of the goings-on with Hinamizawa. Does Hanyuu for instance know about the Great Hinamizawa Disaster that happens? Or is she also just tied to what Rika knows? I do wonder who the character their talking to is, I know that it's really easy to just write it off as they're talking to you the reader/player. But I wonder if it's actually someone else, some as yet unnamed character.

So I guess the implication here is that regardless of what happens the Great Hinamizawa Disaster always happens shortly after Rika's death?

So definitely the "you" being talked to here is indeed some as yet unnamed unvoiced character and not you the reader/player. Why else would it be talking about how you would also be left in the darkness when/if Rika undergoes complete ego death? Unless it's a metaphor for being left hanging with all the various questions left unanswered. Which is probably the case if the you in question is actually you.

We have only just been introduced to Hanyuu (technically) and she's already dying? That's some crap, every other character at least got to be part of the plot before they started dying. Also I know that it's probably just because she was wounded/dying but why when the game mentioned Hanyuu back in Meakashi did they spell it with three Us?

Also I wonder if she was trying to get Hanyuu to just rewind to before the assassination attempt.

Sometimes the voice acting gets a bit odd so it sounds like Hanyuu is saying auf auf. See and this is something I was curious about but they answered pretty quickly, how/when does the timeline reset. For Rika it clearly resets around the times of her deaths, but for the Hinamizawa time loop does it just continue on forever? Is there just a theoretical universal starting point that starts with Rika's deaths that just stretch out until time eventually ends? Because of Tatarigoroshi, Himatsubushi, and Tsumihoroboshi we know for a certainty that the timeline for Hinamizawa does go on for at least twenty years after the volcanic gas incident, just with most of the cast dead or moved away from Hinamizawa.

To get back on point somewhat, do you think it's lucky or unlucky that Rika doesn't remember her deaths? It's probably better for her mental health that she doesn't remember the details of her gory demise, but I imagine that since she's trying her damnedest to solve the time loop for herself that it's massively inconvenient that she doesn't remember who kills her at least.

She just looks like such a sad pathetic creature in the original art. Like an eternal bullying victim, a real sad sack. Like if this were an anime series she would just be the butt of so many pranks and jokes, you know? She doesn't exude confidence or anything like that in the console and remake art, they look like sad sacks as well, it's just the original art has that special little something that makes her look especially beaten down.

Anyway, Rika apparently fell off a cliff. Probably not an especially tall cliff, but nevertheless she took a tumble. I wonder if it's like that every time she comes back from the dead? She just suddenly becomes aware of her existence in a body that's in the middle of doing something. How many embarrassing situations do you think she woke up in the middle of?

There are certain sentences and phrasings throughout the opening three hours or so of this chapter that give off very strong vibes of "this is the final chapter." Which is kind of funny to me since there's at least one more chapter after this.

Also something I find funny, that no one else will care about is I've read nearly four hours of this chapter so far. But my computer blue-screened twice so according to GOG my playtime is about forty minutes or so. But if you look at the screenshots folder I have for the game I have two separate blocks of two hours worth of screenshots taken.

[poppyandzena]

never thought about it exactly like this, but the Poppy story is:

I am a licensed therapist who literally markets myself as someone with a superior understanding of relationships, boundaries, mental health and polyamory.

I was in a 4 month online relationship with a woman who was constantly breaking my boundaries, not "showing up", not doing the work, and not doing any of the research I asked her to do.

None of that was enough for me to end the relationship, though. I couldn't, because I was transfixed my her being my FP, I was completely powerless. None of my therapy or skills could possibly have helped me with that at all. It's not MY responsibility.

Also, that woman repeatedly told me that she was not really into sex, which is really upsetting for me because I am hypersexual and identify as a succubus. I made that clear to her all the time. I attempted to tell her at least a dozen times that her expressing herself as having a low sexual interest (and then being ACE) was upsetting to me, but she never changed her mind about it to please me!

What a monster she was! It's not like I could have ended the relationship at any point! I couldn't! Even though I'm a licensed therapist with so much experience and skill, I had absolutely no options but to stay in this situation!

Then, we had this big fight right before this trip I was supposed to come on! Things were really tense for days, and she kept trying to break up with me.

Obviously I wasn't going to LET her just break up with me before we had a chance to meet in person! I already had all of these fantasies about us being together, and I put all of this weight on the importance of this trip! She wasn't allowed to just abandon it just because she had concerns and fears and because we were fighting!! She was just NOT SHOWING UP YET AGAIN! But I wasn't going to let that happen. So, yeah, I asked her to pretend for me and try to act like everything was fine, because it was better for me - but don't you see how manipulative SHE was being?

So we finally get to the hotel, and it's going fine, but I'm on edge the whole time because everything has been so weird, but she seems to not be bringing up the fights, so I guess everything is fine!

So that night, I initiate sex, because of course I do! And she goes along with it. And then I do it again later, and same thing.

So I think, GREAT! EVERYTHING IS GREAT!

She definitely wouldn't have had sex with me if everything wasn't great! Plus, it's not like she ever told me that she wasn't enthusiastic about sex in the past. She NEVER said before that she would really only do sex with me to please me!

So I was SHOCKED when everything went to shit the next day! Zena was just yelling and I then Noeh just tried to leave and finally did!

And then I started to think about it:

Wait... Why did Noeh leave? It couldn't have been because I did anything wrong!! Not me!

She must've only been there for the SEX and to test her feelings! OMG, yes! Looking back it, she was never listening to ME! I told her how important sex was to me, and she WEAPONIZED THAT! She used it as a TEST!

She TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME!

I'm looking back now and realizing that for MONTHS I've been totally manic and out of my mind!

I COULDN'T HAVE CONSENTED!

AND NOEH SHOULD HAVE *KNOWN* THAT!

Me, the licensed therapist, couldn't even see it until now, but it's NOEH'S RESPONSIBILITY. Sure I've been posting videos and having relationships and giving my opinions - those are all still FINE! None of that was a problem, of course!

And Zena, who knows me better than anyone, ALSO couldn't see it! But it's NOEH'S RESPONSIBILITY!

But it's not like I'm saying we might have blind spots or be wrong or our opinion is an issue! No way! We're still the smartest people who know everything and won't listen to anyone's opinions!

We are always 100% right about everything but this one thing!

Because anyone who can't see the truth is an apologist. And the truth is clearly that:

This person I'd only known for 4 months online, during which I was apparently manic the ENTIRE TIME, obviously took advantage of their knowledge of me, and used that knowledge to just get something from me and move on!

If she didn't want to have that sex, or wasn't sure about it, it was 1,000% her responsibility to say it and turn me down. Sure, I'd told her a dozen times how much that would devastate me, but that's HER problem.

That's R*PE plain and simple.

^^ @noehflake

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

___

155. Red Fox Road by Frances Greenslade--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

While I enjoyed RED FOX ROAD, I found it weirdly difficult to sit and not let my mind wander while I read. Normally, survival books have me in a chokehold, but it unfortunately took me a while to get fully hooked by this story.

But with that being said, I DID enjoy the story. I found it incredibly fascinating how this child was able to survive in a situation where most adults would be forever lost. The level of preparation she had was incredible and admirable. There were, of course, instances where he age came through in her loneliness and memories, and those were the moments where it made it even more incredible that she was so prepared.

Alongside her modern struggles to survive, we also get flashbacks full of grief and a mother with a complicated mental health history. The image we see of a happy family, bickering over being lost, slowly evaporates as we learn more and more about their past and present circumstances.

I may have also felt an incredible sense of loss and sadness by the end of this book.

RED FOX ROAD is a great book, not just for the survival aspects, but because it dealt with so many important issues that I think a lot of younger readers would benefit from.

___

156. In Memoriam by Alice Winn--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I should just hand Alice Winn my heart because she already tore it out of my chest with IN MEMORIAM.

Listen, I knew this was going to be beautiful and that it was going to destroy me, but it doesn't make it any easier when it DOES EXACTLY what I predicted would happen. This book was beautiful, emotional, jarring, and unapologetic. Winn didn't hold back her punches and it shows wholly.

IN MEMORIAM follows two young boys (who are merely on the cusp of manhood) when World War One begins, causing the death of not only so many boys they know, but their innocence and childhood. I'm not saying that this book is the end-all for information about WWI, but some of the things I learned made me so mad and heartbroken. Especially the women who would give those stupid white feathers.

It was so eye-opening seeing the relationships between all of the boys when they were in private school, but also later seeing how those relationships played out in the real world. There were definitely some heartbreaking moments that happened with those boys that didn't directly relate to the MCs.

One of the most memorable aspects of Winn's novel was how she didn't shy away from the gorier aspects of war. No one was safe in her writing--one moment you're laughing with one character, and the next it's being described how he was blown up, or his head rolled off into a ditch. This book is hard to stomach for that aspect, but I think it made it for an even more memorable read.

The romance between the two MCs was one of those that constantly has the faintest heartbeats, with the occasional rapid palpitations. I think that was the best way for these two to have a lasting love for each other during such a tumultuous time (especially when their love was illegal).

Finally, another one of my favourite things about this book is how the two MCs create their own lives and live their own experiences after a certain point. They have the opportunity to show who they are and grow as characters before their love can continue.

Definitely one of my favourite books of the year. I want to re-read this one day and mark the hell out of my physical copy (I did the audiobook this time around). Such a powerful read.

___

157. Done & Dusted by Lyla Sage--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DONE & DUSTED is one of those romances that is simple, straight to the point, and is just a bit uncomplicated until the very end. I'm a simple romance girly, so I love romance books like this.

The best part of this book is how this went from enemies to lusty lovers in a blink of an eye. And while normally I'm not a fan of insta-romances, I think this one felt different because while the attraction felt like a "lightning struck" moment, these two characters have a history. They've known each other for years (through the FMC's brother), so it's not like an instant attraction with a stranger. Lyla Sage cut right through the longwinded bullshit of internal debate and just gave us a MMC who immediately knew he wanted to sleep with his best friend's younger sister.

I also liked the homey feeling of this book. I love books where the MCs have this strong sense of home and belonging, so no matter what happens they will always have a place to fall back on. Also, it takes away the opportunity for any bullshit because the characters are so unapologetic about where they belong.

The spice was good, but not abundant. The relationships with the side characters were good and added just enough of a deeper layer to the story.

DONE & DUSTED isn't the most memorable romance, but it was a good time. I liked how straightforward it was and how there wasn't a third act breakup. It was just a lusty and angsty good time, while being surrounded by cowboys.

___

158. The Prospects by K.T. Hoffman--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PROSPECTS was a breath of fresh air because I loved the way both of these characters had their own internal battles to fight, and that the love interest had a heavy case of anxiety (considering how rarely we get stories where the hunky love interest is anxiously walking through life).

The representation was great and I really appreciated that the author started the story with a disclaimer that this was more of an optimistic Trans sports romance. I extra appreciated this because constantly reading Queer stories with heaping spoonfuls of homophobia and transphobia can be overwhelming (and I say this as a cis woman), and I just want these characters to get their happy endings and the uncomplicated romances that so many cis and straight couples get in these stories.

But I also liked that while this is definitely a more hopeful romance, this is also something that explores and presents an honest view into the life of an athlete. I especially liked the comment of how sometimes winning a game is truly about luck and how even though one can be at the top, they can mess up, too.

I really enjoyed this romance and the heavy sexual tension between the MC and his love interest.

Star taken off because of certain instances where I wanted to punch a character. And because despite this being an intriguing story, it felt a little long. Either way, this was still an enjoyable read!

___

159. Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will always be blown away by Sookie's character arc in this series. The way she grows so much through her experiences, to the point where she is wholly different and more mature in her reactions to things, is so impressive.

I think this is another one of my favourites because of the way the mystery is weaved into the story and that reveal. I never saw any of that coming or building up in any of the previous books. I also feel like we got some closure with some of the characters from the past books.

The story is clearly gearing up for the final book in the series AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I can't believe I'm finishing the penultimate book in this series. It's been a year and I am so proud.

Now to wait for the last book from the library!

___

160. Older by Jennifer Hartmann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love age-gap romances. I've always enjoyed them (within reason, of course). Of all the age-gap romances I've read, OLDER is probably one of the ones that I've read that truly considers the others who would be brought into the relationship and which had that history of abuse (for one character) that explains a bit more of how the FMC gained the interest in older men. It's not a sleazy, sex-crazed, and single-minded read. OLDER has so many layers to it that it was impossible to put down.

Jennifer Hartmann is one of those authors who write so well that you know your reading life is about to change. Her books are really hard to put down and they make you question not just your morals, but if you seriously should consider therapy. Of the three books I've read by her, this is probably my favourite, but all three have been impactful.

OLDER is definitely not for everyone. It explores a relationship that is highly questionable, especially by societal standards, but I think was done in an artful way. The relationship between the FMC and her best friend's father is a slow burn as the connect beyond anything sexual. There is so much emotion and heart in this book, and the FMC's past is so fraught with pain that I honestly just wanted the best for her.

This reminded me a bit of BIRTHDAY GIRL because both books explored the complex relationship between the couple before anything truly sexual happens, building that foundation that is needed for a relationship to survive the judgment of society. I think that more often than not, these relationships (in real life) are predatory--and trust me, I can sense it when I read certain books that have an age-gap, but give me the biggest of icks--but sometimes you get beautiful relationships like this one that consider so much more than the physical.

The relationship between the FMC and her best friend was also so sweet, but I can also understand how complicated it all was--especially since the FMC felt deeply for her adoptive family. This family and the steps the FMC takes to better herself were truly the best healing this character could have asked for. I loved it all!

I loved OLDER and I love Hartmann's writing. This was definitely one of my favourite reads of the month!

___

161. Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will give Meryl Wilsner this: her romance books are absolutely filthy.

As I'm writing this review, I am picturing that one locker room scene and I just, wow. CLEAT CUTE isn't overtly spicy, but when the spice gets going it is HOT. The way it's written is so vivid that it made me wish I could switch places with one of these characters because, damn.

Anyway, this is my second Wilsner novel and while I enjoyed MISTAKES WERE MADE more, I could appreciate this one for what it was. I was hooked from the beginning and loved watching this grouchy soccer superstar fall for her rookie teammate. Watching her slowly melt and be so confused as to why she's caring more about her teammate was adorable.

The rookie FMC was a ball of energy and as someone who isn't so high energy, I can understanding how she might be an exhausting character. But as one reads and learns more about the character, one might be able to further understand why the character is the way she is. I think once I had more context clues, I started to appreciate her and understand her. I have people in my life who are as high energy as this character and while some days are more tiring than others, I will always love their enthusiasm and excitement.

I also loved that this was about the world of female soccer. It's so under-represented in fiction, so it's always a breath of fresh air. Also, I loved the cast of characters and wish I could explore this world further!

I need to read more from this author because phew, she's good.

___

162. High Wizardry by Diane Duane--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love these books in theory, but sometimes I wonder how different a middle schooler's brain was back when this was first published. There were so many science terms and science situations that my brain noped out so many times. I am 100% not a science person and these books are always reminding me of that, LOL.

The adventure itself was fun and I loved that the MC's sister is now a part of their magical world, but holy hell the lingo. It was like reading A WRINKLE IN TIME all over again.

I'm continuing this series even though my brain doesn't understand half of the lingo. Also, this is starting to feel more like a teen series than middle grade one.

___

163. Call it What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I've been trying to read more books off my shelves this year and CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT has been living on my shelves for a very long time. I'm happy I finally got to it because phew, was that a great read.

We follow two teenagers after their lives have been changed completely either through their own actions, or the actions of those around them. And while they are navigating their battles with guilt, depression, grief, and inability to trust, another character introduces another situation into the mix. There was so much depth on offer with CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, that it felt like I was over-full by the end of the story.

The way the two MCs worked off each other worked well because they taught each other some pretty important lessons about assumptions and different kinds of loneliness. I also thought their relationship brought some levity to the admittedly darker aspects of the book.

I thought the pacing was great and I found it super easy to read this one (physically) in a day. It's such a compelling story that I didn't want to put it down. I wanted to see certain characters get what they deserved (which was SO satisfying), and others have the awakening they needed to be able to move forward with their lives.

Also, I want to say that the level of forgiveness in this book between characters will always be impressive--especially since there was seemingly so little of it at the beginning of the book.

___

Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

___

Happy reading!