#secretly where its like my brain is telling me that no one believes in me including my friends and logically i know this isnt true. i have

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

Pretty like poetry ◦ l.f

-felix always tended to hate the freckles that adorned his face, believing they were blemishes that deserved to be hidden under layers of foundation, but what will he do when you convince him that his freckles were pretty—pretty like poetry?

Paring◦ Lee Felix x Fem!Reader

Words◦ 2681

Genre ◦ Fluff with i think some hurt and comfort low on the hurt heavy on the comfort

Warnings ◦ Felix being kinda dramatic, he's also really insecure(felt), Weird dialogue (I wrote this half alseep please bare with me, babes), honestly there's nothing in here but some cute hurt and comfort where you spend the night at his house and you catch him barefaced🤷, spelling errors and shitty punctuation (you're on my page what's new).

A/N ◦ to all the people that say felix's freckles are like stars I promise I'm not targeting you guys I'm just yapping and that's what my brain came up with please don't like come at me 😭🙏 this is just a silly little fic I wrote to try to practice my "poetry" skills idk what half of this is but hey what can you do 🤷 also I really fuck with the mood board on this REMBER IF YOU LIKE IT PLEASE TELL ME I GET REALLY INSECURE ABOUT MY WRITING okay enough yapping for one night hope you enjoy pretty <3

Your relationship with Felix was still budding like a freshly planted flower, waiting for the petals to unfurl. You liked Felix. You really, really liked Felix, but there were still a few things you hadn't done with him yet, like bake brownies, sit under the stars while you secretly stared at him instead of the sky, shared an ice cream cone under the hot summer sun, but spending the night at his house was long past due, especially after the 4-hour movie night filled with giggles, kisses, and popcorn being thrown all over the place, your throat was still sore from the amount of laughing you two were partaking in. He made you feel safe, happy, loved, and that's all that matters right now, that, and when he shyly offered for you to spend the night, how could you refuse, with his red ears and fidgeting fingers making you just want to fold him up and stuff him in your pocket, never letting the gross evil world dull his sparkle.

You rub the towel over your hair before hanging it back up on the rack and walking out into the bedroom, fresh from your shower. You smirk, noticing the way his eyes widen, scraping over your body, adorned with the baggy clothes he lent you.

He isn't getting these back.

You flop onto the bed, bouncing into his arms.

"Hi darling," he beams, looking down at you with sparkling eyes and, well, sparkling cheeks too. You squint, wondering if what you were suspecting was true. As he tilts his face away from yours, you notice it in the glint of the light.

He still has his makeup on.

You furrow your brows. "Are you going to take your makeup off?" You ask, words feeling heavy on your tongue.

"Oh," his eyes linger away from yours. "No, I'm too tired," he smiles, but it's weak, fitting weird on his mouth. Concern worms its way into your bones.

“You shouldn't leave makeup on your face overnight, Felix; it can hurt your skin,” you say, carefully grazing a finger over his smooth cheek. He grabs your wrist gingerly, watching you with wide, glittering eyes.

“I just want to hold you right now. Can I do that?" You stare at him cautiously, debating whether you should press the issue further. “Please,” he whispers. You can tell in the soft hues of his irises; he's begging you to drop it, so you do, reluctantly, of course.

“Fine,” you sigh, your eyelids drooping as you pull the covers over your shoulders, shimming into the mattress to get comfortable. His muscular arm wraps around your waist, dragging you into his warm chest.

“Don't be mad, please,” he mumbles, leaving soft kisses on the top of your head. You turn over to face him, your brows turned in worry.

"I'm not mad, I promise Lix, I just don't want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Trust me, darling, I'm anything but uncomfortable, especially with my beautiful girlfriend lying in the same bed as me.” He tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear. His deep voice makes your cheeks flare with heat, flustered beyond what should be scientifically possible.

“Will you stop trying to rizz me up and go to bed?" You shriek into his shirt, he chuckles, the sound rumbling from deep in his chest.

"Rizz is an interesting word to use; I like that, actually."

"Turn the light off." You whine, pulling the cloth over your eyes.

"Flustered, baby?" He teases.

Oh, it's on.

He wants to battle; he's getting the whole war.

You don't know what came over you as you snaked your hand under the hem of his tee shirt, running your fingers across the hard ridges of his abs. His breath hitches in his throat. You tilt your chin up, resting it on his chest.

“Flustered, baby?” Your tone is smooth and sultry, his eyes are screwed up, lip curled into his teeth.

“Baby,” he chokes as you slip your hand higher.

"You sure you don't wanna turn off that light?"

"Yep, yes, on that r-right now," he stutters, scrambling to turn off the lights, especially as heat crawls up his ears, flushing across his cheeks. You giggle as the room spills into darkness, butterflies filling your stomach when he pulls your head back on his chest.

"You know, I'm surprised I still have a neck with the amount of whiplash you just gave me. I mean, there you were, all red cheeks and all of a sudden boom! Fingers, abs, and me, red cheeks," he rambles, squeezing you closer. "Your duality is truly insane."

You chuckle, loving the way his body engulfs you, pulling you under the waves of warmth and slumber. Silence creeps between the two of you until-

“Thank you for staying,” He whispers.

"Always.” You manage to utter right before-

You

D r o w n.

You don't remember when you woke up or what got you to the bathroom; you just know you're there, and with the need to pee becoming pretty overwhelming without thinking, you go to turn the knob.

"Wait," Felix screeches, slamming his body against the door.

 “Fuck Felix” You jump back, your heart practically hopping out of your chest. You gasp, holding yourself onto the door frame. If you were even a little bit sleepy then, you are wide the fuck awake now, your heart still thumping wildly in your ribcage.

“I need to pee. Can I come in?”

“No! Don't come in here, please!” He begs.

“Why? Felix, you only have one bathroom; if we aren’t close enough to use the bathroom in front of each other, that's fine. I just really need to pee. Now, can I please come in?”

He stops, waits for a few moments.

“You can’t turn on the light, and you have to shut your eyes."

“Felix, what?” You ask, exasperated, almost ready to just open the door and make him explain why he's tripping balls over something so trivial as using the bathroom. “What's really going on?” You're met with silence before a small whisper lingers from behind the wood. You could almost see it, his insecure frame curled into itself.

"I'm barefaced." Your gaze softens

"Felix,” you chuckle, “do you really think I care about something like that, especially at this time of night I can barely see my toes, let alone you, please?” You beg, your voice airy and light trying to dull is anxiety for the sake of your bladder and his dignity. “I'm coming in.” You turn the knob, but its quickly met with the door locking.

"No, stop it, y/n, I'm serious."

"What's the matter with you?" You huff, annoyance creeping into your veins, no matter how hard you push it back.

"I'm not ready to show you what I look like without makeup yet, okay!" He snaps, aggravated over something that seems so trivial to you. He should know you would never care about something as shallow as his bareface. He's gorgeous, with or without makeup. You know that, apparently, he doesn't.

"Felix," You sigh, your voice Is laced with sympathy, hoping to coax him out of this insecure rut he has himself in.

"Please," You lean your head on the door. Sometimes you wish you could serve him your heart on a silver platter—show him that it will only ever beat for him. Then, maybe, it would be enough to prove that no matter what he looks like under all those layers of foundation, it will never be enough to cut the little red string that ties your souls together.

The gears of the lock click under your hand.

"Okay, ground rules, before you can come in-"

You groan, banging your forehead on the frame.

"Felix," you whine, "I'm not kidding, I really need to pee."

"Y/n please," he whimpers, a desperate tilt in his voice, you can almost taste the anxiety in his tone, you cave, your heart cracking in two.

"Okay… You can't laugh at me-" You scoff, folding your arms in front of your chest defensively.

"You know I would never do that I-"

"See that's the thing! No, I don't, okay, I don't, so it's taking everything in me to open this door, so, please," his voice cracks slightly, "just let me say my piece... no laughing, no comments," he stops for a second as though he's thinking up another bullet to add to the list. "O-Okay, I think that's all," he says, words tumbling out in a nervous rush. You hear footsteps moving away from the door.

"Is it safe to come in?" You ask.

"Yeah," he clears his throat, anxiously. You pull the door open carefully, easing your way into the threshold, acting like you're walking into an active warzone. As soon as you reach the edge of the door, a hand covers your eyes.

He doesn't know why he did it; in a nervous fit of insecurity, he slapped his palm over your face.

"Felix," you yelp, "what the hell!"

"I-Im sorry, I-I just-" He feels so stupid—so pathetic—wondering why hes acting so childish about something as simple his bare face.

"Felix, can you take your hand off my eyes." He knows you don't mean it mockingly, but the way you tilt your words like you're talking to a rabid dog or an anxious toddler, makes embarrassment rip in the pit of his stomach.

"Fine," he mumbles taking his hand off your face, "J-Just remember! No laughing and no comments, o-okay, promise me!"

"I promise." You mutter as your lashes flutter open.

His heart pounds wildly in his chest, eyes darting to the floor. The last fraying string of courage he's desperately grasping at is enough for his feet to stick to the floor, but definitely not enough for him to look into your eyes. Heat crawls up his cheeks under your gaze, curling into himself—he feels so foolish like this—anxiety flooding his stomach, making his hands shake behind his back, something so minuscule, and yet he's having such a physical reaction.

You assess him, taking him all in, and as your lingering gaze stays on his face for a few seconds too long, he wants to die, fold himself up a million times. Just enough so you wouldn't look at him like that, just so he could ease the burning sense of vulnerability that rages underneath his skin.

Why are you looking at him like that?

Why aren't you saying anything?

He really wishes he didn't make that no-comment rule because now you're here, and you're looking at him, and you're perfect, and you're not saying anything.

You raise a finger to graze the freckle, which just rests underneath the fragile skin of his eye. His breath hitches, flinching away from your touch.

"Your beautiful, Felix." you gasp, voice filled with sincerity.

what?

 The earth tilts on its axis as he stares at you like you're the biggest dummy on the whole planet.

"Really?" his voice trembles with the weight of his vulnerability. It shouldn't be this big of a deal; one simple Google search and you'd be flooded with images of a barefaced Felix, but seeing it in person seemed more real, more raw. It's easy to be vulnerable behind a screen of faceless, screaming fans, but when it's you, it's different. No matter how much your eyes fill with admiration, his thick skull can't seem to sink it in, the weight of his insecurity blocking all contact with the truth. 

For years, he was told that his freckles were blemishes—that his skin needed to be flawless, a pristine, perfect white; Grade school, trainie camp, JYP studios, every fan-sign, photoshoot, concert, and music video. It felt like everywhere he looked, he was being judged, but getting it from you would feel like a paper cut turned bullet wound. 

"Your pretty Felix, but, b-but-" You search for the words, but they can't seem to come to you, an unfathomable emotion sinking into your soul.

"B-But, but what?" he stammers, nervously wrapping trembling fingers around your wrist to pull your hand away.

"I don't know how to describe it" you whisper, brows scrunched in such a deep concentration it makes him sink into himself, wishing you weren't looking at him so hard, like he was a puzzle you were trying to solve. Time seems to blur between the two of you; nothing else mattering, but the beating of your heart and the words you are trying to weave together in an attempt to make a metaphor viable enough to suit what you are trying to express, but you always came up short—sentences seeming superficial, inept, under your careful consideration.

You always knew he had freckles, the way they would shine underneath thick layers of foundation when the sun hit his face just right; they had always reminded you of stars, but stars felt overused, worn out.

Stars died.

Stars faded.

Stars were a million miles away.

Stars were something physical, but what he made you feel wasn't physical, it was spiritual, it touched you unto the deepest depths of your soul, only a feeling some form of art could invoke. His freckles were unique, his freckles were little promises on the skin, little angel kisses.

He was pretty like poetry, cause poetry wasn't supposed to be perfect; it was supppsed to make you feel something.

"W-What?" he whispers, eyes shining with a deep form of admiration—pure joy dancing on his features like a weight had been lifted from his chest, and he could finally breathe again.

"Did I say that out loud?" you chuckle, your cheeks turning a light shade of pink, bashful about your cheesy insights. Your lips must have loosened when you searched too deep in your head, "S-Sorry," you stutter, suddenly feeling incredibly stupid for making such a statement.

You're pretty like poetry, what the hell does that even mean? You turn your head to dig it into his shoulder, groaning into his skin and wrapping your arms around his waist.

"Thank you for that." He whimpers, voice crackling with emotion as his lips linger on the top of your head. You don't realize he's crying until you feel water dripping on your hair, you reel your head back surprised.

"Oh my gosh, Felix!" you cup his face to wipe his tears; it was as though a button was switched in your brain to go into full comfort mode.

"I'm so sorry if what I said hurt you, I didn't mean-" you begin, your heart crumbling into a million little pieces in your chest, knowing that the words you threw around so carelessly hurt him. He interrupts you, softly holding your wrists in his hands.

"They're happy tears, I promise." He sniffles, wiping his cheeks with the back of his arm, "T-Thats just the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me" he hiccups.

"Maybe that's because everybody was too enamored with your beauty to know what to say?" He lightheartedly shoves your face away, pulling a giggle out of you. "If you don't shut up, you might just make me fall for you." You snake your arms around his neck, ghosting your lips over his, "and what if I want you too?" you whisper, sparks crackling between the two of you, "what if I already have?" you beam, finally pressing your lips to his.

Fiction always used to tell you that a true loves first kiss was all fireworks and electricity, but even fairy tales forgot to mention, when your lips lock for the first time it isn't just the fire that ignites your soul, no, it's the overwhelming feeling that you could be separated by raging seas, roaring oceans, stretches of time, lumps of land, you could be placed on different planets divided by spills of stars surrounding the milky way galaxy, and he would still find a way to love you. It was cheesy, yes, but it was Felix, and with Felix, everything felt like poetry, because poetry wasn't supposed to be perfect it was supposed to make you feel something.

[thesensteawitch]

What's Your Beauty?🥀

Pick A Pile Reading

💚(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)💚

Hello, Senstea Souls!

I am back with another collective reading that will tell you what's beautiful about you. Take this reading as it resonates. For any personal readings feel free to DM me or email me at thesensteawitch@gmail.com.

Pile 1

Tarot Cards: 2 of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 4 of Wands, 5 of Wands, 2 of Wands, Ace of Cups, 3 of Cups, 7 of Swords

My dear pile 1, you are as beautiful as it gets. It's only you who cannot see it. Just like a deer doesn't know that the fragrance is coming from its naval and searches for it in the whole forest same is the case with you. You see beauty in everything and everyone except yourself. Have you forgotten that the beauty that we see in others is in ourselves? Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. God, I feel so sorry for you that I have to remind you this because something happened to you your own thoughts make you believe that you're not beautiful. I will tell you what's your beauty. Your beauty is that you are hardcore loyal when it comes to relationships in your life. You make sure that every friendship and relationship is based on strong foundations. You provide stability and protection to your loved ones. You don't see people as competitors and this quality of you is such emanant that others envy you. Even those who are close to you. It's those who you cherish the most. They secretly want to cut your wings and they even do. Someone is fishy around you. Some of you may be great planners, adventurers, and artists. I sense strong Sagittarius and Capricorn placements. The thread that you bind with others is your beauty. How you intricate relationships with calm and how you give others space to pour their heart out is your beauty, pile 1. Your only weak point is you give others words more value than yours. And that's where you lose your beauty. New voices emerge in your head and keep feeding you with information about someone that you are not. Your beauty grows on people. It's slow but refreshing. You nurture others to the extent that you sometimes end up parenting them. You're so beautiful pile 1 save yourself from predators. Sending so much love your way. If you want to know your Divine Masculine/Feminine energy then feel free to drop a message in my Tumblr inbox. Below I am sharing my:

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Pile 2

Tarot Cards: 9 of swords, 6 of wands, 3 of cups, 6 of swords, the hanged man, 7 of cups, 2 of wands, king of pentacles

Hello, my dear pile 2. I see something strange here. You stick to extremes. If you shift your perception and choose to see the situation upside down you'll notice what you've achieved till now. If you just keep aside the sleepless nights you'll see what those sleepless nights have given to you. They made you shine like a star in front of a crowd. You've been praised by many people in your lifetime. There may be many who broke your heart but there was always that one person who acted as the silver lining to your dark clouds. You're a great performer pile 2. You are a great friend. You are an overachiever despite facing so many challenges in your life. And you doubt your beauty? Come on!!!!! You have the quality of Jesus, self-sacrifice. You've sacrificed a lot to be where you are today. You are very good at balancing things, pile 2. Somewhere your career might be suffering nowadays but believe me you can manage. I hear, “We have come so far my dear look how we have grown.” Free yourself from all the wrong narratives of beauty you have got stuck in your brain. Beauty comes from within. Focus on grooming your soul and pull it out of the mud. You need emotional healing. You are too concerned about your relationships. You are everything a person can ask for. You don't need assurance from anybody. You don't even need it from me. You know that deep down ARE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL. Your dreams are waiting for you to achieve them. You think things through is your beauty. For some of you, I am getting that your sibling may be your strength. Those who stayed are the ones who know what you have. Those who force you to stay now don't know how to stop themselves from taking from you. You can sometimes be that addictive for people. Ask yourself what's there that you need to heal within. If you want to know your Divine Masculine/Feminine energy then feel free to drop a message in my Tumblr inbox. Below I am sharing my:

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Pile 3

Tarot Cards: Temperance, The Fool, 5 of Pentacles, The Empress, Knight of Wands, The Star, 3 of Cups, 8 of Cups

Hello, my beautiful pile 3. I see that your beauty is that you stay with people through thick and thin. Even if you suffer you stay. You only walk away when you are not cherished or valued for what you are giving to another person. You have passion for life. You know your limits but you still carry yourself as if you are limitless. You stretch your dreams as far as you can. You are not afraid to demand. You don't think you deserve less but life at times throws difficulties your way. When the choice is needed to be made you realise that you're only human and you can only do so much. You have many wishes and there's no way that you feel you can't have them. Some of you may have life path 5. You are dreamers. Your beauty lies in your never-ending optimism. You work hard and smart. Your ideas are unmatchable. You not only think but show the world what we can dream we can achieve. I am amazed! So beautiful, pile 3. No one can stop you from achieving what you want and people around you know that. You have the strength to walk away from relationships that come in the way of your big goals. The world you want to create is just not about money. It's also about the community. As you have so many desires and things to do your life asks you to organize well so that you can perform tasks well and on time. It's important for you to not let yourself get involved in work that doesn't fit well with you. Your enthusiasm can sometimes take the best of you. Make sure you plan things through by not letting your passion go out of your hand. Last but not least you carry the faith of a child. If you once prayed for something you believe it's going to happen. It's a quality that adults struggle with but I am happy to see that you still carry faith in your heart. It is the only thing that is going to bring your dreams into reality. It's the most important ingredient, my friend. If you want to know your Divine Masculine/Feminine energy then feel free to drop a message in my Tumblr inbox. Below I am sharing my:

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[skylarkking]

I've been whacked with the valveplug stick again and I have headcannons for some of the Lost Light crew.

🔞 under cut

I'm gonna start off by simply listing the characters I know currently (I've read up to the issue where overlord first appears but have read other snippets scattered on the internet) and the list will begin with my favorites:

Rung

Definetly into BDSM

Uses interface as therapy

Despite being a fucking tiny adorable nerdy twink he knows how to work big bots

His glasses sometimes fall off during sessions and when they do he's often too blissed out or focused on the other bot to care

He is a moaner and makes all sorts of sounds that bots are obsessed with

He has tried everything and anything

He attended one of Ratchet's orgies during Ratchet's college years as a Party Ambulance

He and Froid DEFINETLY had angry interface before and you can't tell me otherwise

Rodiumus

Legit a horndog

This mf gets so worked up that throughout the day he has to step aside and take care of himself

He's a bottom who tries to play top and FAILS miserably

Drift and him are fuck buddies (you can't tell me otherwise)

He's capable of gentle and intimate interface with someone he loves, but due to his inexperience and somewhat childish attitude (not his fault I mean he's essentially a guy in his 20s) he prefers quickies over that

After interface he sometimes forgets about aftercare

Drift

Way hornier than he lets on

Loves to have his neck bitten

When he is in heat he is either gonna top every bot in his reach and make them beg through tears or he's gonna beg Ratchet with tears in his optics. I'm sorry I don't make the rules here

I think when he was a Decepticon he was Hella into knifeplay

And I mean HELLA into it

Like this bitch would pop a boner if someone licked a sword or some shit

He bottoms for Rodimus mostly but in a sort of bossy bottom sort of thing

Ultra Magnus/Minimus

This guy.... this guy may act like he's only into vanilla shit, but I fucking GUARENTEE he's a freak

He's fragged Swerve before (size kink when he's in the Magnus armor)

When he's in the Magnus armor sometimes the connections for his own spike and the armor's get wired wrong and he has to "adjust himself" (like human amabs have to do with their dicks)

Out of the Magnus armor he secretly feels extremely vulnerable and anxious when it comes to interface because of how tiny our little dill pickle is

Side note: give him a fucking HUG DAMMIT! HE NEEDS IT!

Swerve

If any of the bots would fuck a human, it would be this bastard

He'd also have human kinks (like mommy/daddy kink [thanks @archie-sunshine for rotting my brain with that idea])

Despite being a motormouth I think he can easily be silenced by a pair of thick thighs around his head

Side note: I think minibots have WAY HIGHER stamina verses their larger counter parts, so swerve will be going at it for a loooooong time

Secretly has a stash of human porn in his bar

Magnus has found said porn once and for a week Swerve was on edge in keeping his secret

Skids

Since he can learn anything really quickly I think this bastard can master the art of seduction

Like he could simply give a bot those bedroom eyes and BAM! He's fucking

He's a massive cuddler after interface

Has fragged Nautica at LEAST 15 times

When he overloads his headlights sometimes flick on by accident

Ratchet

Oh you cannot TELL ME this guy hasn't had a kinky past

Party Ambulance is fucking cannon and no one can tell me otherwise idc if it's only a fan thing ITS CANNON AND ILL FIGHT GOD ABOUT IT

Not as horny as he use to be but when Drift or Rodimus get their heat cycles you better fucking BELIEVE he's on the case

A true master of aftercare

Really into bondage

These are only a few lmao I have SO MANY MORE

[steddieas-shegoes]

So I have this one scene in my head, that won't go away unless someone writes it😅

So it's like 10 years after season 4. Everybody is "grown up" , moved away, married, have kids, etc. They have a reunion at the park in Hawkins/Indy Idk?

Eddie is watching the kids. Suddenly a woman comes up to him saying his kid hit/pushed her kid. Eddie who saw the whole thing, says his kid was just defending them self from her kids bullying. The woman asks Eddie, if the kids mother would agree to this behavior. Cue Eddie calling out Honey! And then introducing Steve as their kids mother🤣

Its not much to go on plot vice, but I'm hoping your amazing brain can fill in the blanks😅

I am a Steve secretly likes being called mom truther. Sorry to everyone who isn't. I full believe Eddie started it as a joke, but he noticed the blush on Steve's face and kept doing it, and then the kids just naturally picked up on it and refer to him as both mom and dad depending on the situation. Imagine the confusion on a teacher's face when their troublemaker tells the principal "my mom is gonna be so mad that someone pushed me" and in walks a raging Steve. It's giving comedic relief. I didn't really include a whole lot of everyone in this, just mentioned it was a reunion and had a few moments with the Party. Hope that's okay, it's just difficult to include EVERYONE in a short ficlet. - Mickala ❤️

-----------------------------------------------------------

They came back to Hawkins as often as they could to visit Wayne, especially once they adopted Hannah. Shortly after Nancy offered to be a surrogate for them, they ended up adopting Hannah’s baby sister, Lucy. In case that wasn’t enough, they still decided to take Nancy up on her offer, and they ended up with twins (“can’t do anything halfway, can you?” was Robin’s reaction) Ben and Molly.

Everything happened so quickly, all within two years, that Steve and Eddie turned to Wayne often as their calming presence.

At six years old, Hannah was a spitfire. She had Eddie’s personality despite not being theirs until she was four: unapologetically herself, loud, dramatic, and so fucking smart it scared them both. Lucy, at two (and a half!), was already well on her way to being the same way.

But this visit to Hawkins was different.

Everyone was back.

All the kids, who were far from kids now, and their significant others and kids decided to have a reunion over Labor Day weekend.

Eddie just got off a tour a few weeks earlier, a tour that proved to be quite chaotic when he insisted his entire family join him for two months on the road. Steve argued that it wasn’t necessary, that they would be fine for two months as long as he called every day, but Eddie wasn’t having it.

They took up a whole tour bus by themselves, but the rest of his band loved the kids. They brought Hannah on stage for soundcheck, they even had special headphones made just for her to be able to watch and play the instruments.

Steve usually used soundcheck time to walk with Lucy, find a place where she can run around and let loose all that toddler energy. Most venues they stopped at had a large backstage parking area for the buses and equipment vans, so while Lucy would run around and find weird bugs and sticks, Steve would push Ben and Molly in the double stroller so they could get some fresh air.

Once the doors opened, Eddie brought Hannah back to him and they went back to the bus so Steve could make them all their dinner, give them their baths, and put them to bed. They’d converted the bottom bunk spaces of the bus to a crib space for the twins and Lucy, and made the top bunk more kid friendly for Hannah.

It worked, and it was fun, and it was an experience that they all were happy to have together, but it was exhausting for all of them.

Being back in Hawkins was almost like a vacation.

Compared to the rush, rush, rush environment of tour, Hawkins was sit back, relax, enjoy the breeze.

Especially because everyone wanted their turn holding and playing with the kids. There were some points in the day that Eddie didn’t even know which adult his kids were with, but he was fine with it because Steve was sitting in his lap, more relaxed than he’d been in close to a year.

“Love you, Stevie,” Eddie mumbled against his hair, smiling as Steve curled further into his chest.

“Love you, too, baby.”

“Well aren’t you two just adorable,” Wayne said as he took the seat next to them, Ben asleep in his arms.

“When did he fall asleep?” Steve asked, voice low so he wouldn’t startle Ben.

“About 20 minutes ago.”

“You can go set him in the pack and play.”

“Nah. I wanna get as much time with these kiddos as I can,” Wayne said as he smiled down at Ben.

“Is Molly sleeping anywhere?” Eddie asked.

“Last I saw, Max was trying to get her to crawl in the living room, but I don’t think Molly is very interested.” Wayne started rocking back and forth slightly, like he did anytime he held a baby, whether they were asleep or not. “I heard Hannah ask if she could go to the park. If you wanna take her and Luce, we can keep the babies here for a bit.”

Eddie patted Steve’s back, silently asking him to let him up.

“I can take them. Stevie, you can stay here and get some rest.”

“No, I’ll come. Lucy will want someone to push her on the swings the whole time and Hannah won’t want to even look at the swings. It takes two with them.”

They made their way into the house to collect Hannah and Lucy, smiling at the way Max and Will were trying to bribe Molly to crawl with toys.

There was only one actual park in Hawkins, and the playground had only been added about five years ago as more people started moving back into town. It wasn’t impressive, especially compared to their Chicago parks and playgrounds, but Hannah and Lucy weren’t picky.

As expected, Lucy ran straight to the swings, yelling “Ma! Push me on swings please!”

Steve rolled his eyes fondly, but followed her over to them, preparing himself for the next 30 minutes of pushing her back and forth.

Hannah, well, she was a wild child. Literally, Eddie has had to drag her out of a hole she dug in their backyard once because she thought it could be her new bedroom. She cried when she thought that the bugs would hate her for leaving them. She found fun in any outdoor environment, which was good because the playground didn’t have a whole lot to offer other than one slide, a small set of monkey bars, and one tube to run through.

There were only a few other kids playing, all the parents standing off to the side or sitting on the bench.

All moms who would probably not want to talk to Eddie, especially if they recognized him and had been living in Hawkins during the whole, well, thing.

He stood away from everyone, just keeping an eye on Hannah, but occasionally looking over to Steve and Lucy. Lucy was ecstatic, he could hear her yelling “High! Up! High!” and Steve smiling as he pushed her just a tiny bit higher.

It was during one of those moments that he heard a yell and then heard someone walking over to him.

He turned to see a woman, probably pretty close to his age, coming up to him with a stern look on her face.

Oh boy.

He sighed as she stopped in front of him, her arms crossing over her chest.

He glanced at Hannah, who was being shoved by a boy maybe a year or two older than her. Hannah just raised her brow and shoved him back.

He looked back at the mom in front of him, assuming she was the boy’s parent.

“May I help you?”

“You may. Your daughter just pushed my son!”

“Is your son the one I just watched shove her?”

“If he did, it was to defend himself.”

“Hm.” Eddie glanced back up to see the boy crying and Hannah walking towards him. “Maybe your son should keep his hands to himself if he doesn’t like being pushed.”

“Maybe your daughter should learn to move out of the way.”

Eddie smirked as Hannah came up next to him.

“Hannah, wanna tell me what just happened?”

“He told me that I was too fat to go on the slide so I told him I would show him that I wasn’t. And then he tried to pull me away and I didn’t let him so he said that he was going to push me off the top. He tried to, but I’m strong, so he couldn’t. I pushed him back.”

Eddie nodded.

It’s not that he thought his kids were perfect. Far from it.

He got calls frequently from Hannah’s school that she was being too rough with the kids, and he had to remind her that a lot of kids don’t play that way. She never had bad intentions, she just didn’t know how strong she was. Kind of like a large breed dog thinking he can still sit in your lap when he’s fully grown.

But he also knew that because she had never had bad intentions, there was no way she did anything that wasn’t in defense of herself.

“It sounds like your son was rude and put his hands on her first,” Eddie said to the woman, who was turning a violent shade of red.

“There is no way her mother would allow her to act like this. This is inappropriate for young girls.”

Even Hannah knew that was the wrong thing to say.

She covered her face and shook her head and Eddie couldn’t hold back a laugh.

“What is so funny?” the woman asked angrily.

“Her mother is the one who taught her how to defend herself, but if you’d like to talk…” Eddie turned to the swings, where Steve was focused on Lucy. “Sweetheart! Can you come here for a second?”

Steve looked over to him with a frown, grabbing Lucy from the swing and mumbling something to her when she looked disappointed that they were done.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked as he looked down at Hannah, who was patiently waiting to see what Steve was about to do to this woman.

Eddie absolutely loved his children equally, he really did. But Hannah was something else entirely. He felt connected to her in ways that he hadn’t expected when they first met her. If it were possible, he would think she was his biologically with how similar they were in personality, how they both had the same dark curls, brown eyes, loud laugh, and smirk.

The woman seemed surprised to see Steve come over, but quickly went back to the angered demeanor of a moment ago.

“Your daughter tried to hurt my son.”

This woman was not going to convince Steve of that even if she somehow managed to record it on camera.

“What did your son do?”

“I beg your pardon! He didn’t do anything except try to take a turn on the slide.”

“Right.” Steve looked at Eddie, who gave a small shake of his head, then down at Hannah who did the same. “My sources seem to remember things differently.”

“Ma, he said I was too fat and then tried to pull me away!” Hannah was getting more upset now, not because she was in trouble, but because it was interrupting her playtime.

“Which one is your son?” Steve asked.

Oh no. That was the bitchy tone.

Eddie loved where this was going.

“The one getting off the slide,” the woman pointed, but immediately tried to start arguing. “She had no right to push him no matter what he may or may not have said.”

“The kid who is currently pushing another girl out of his way?”

The woman looked over and gritted her teeth together.

“Daddy, Ma, he’s mean!” Lucy yelled as she held Hannah’s hand.

“Yes, baby, he is being mean. That’s why we taught you and your sister to stand up for yourselves when someone is bullying you,” Eddie said pointedly.

“Kids like that grow up to be mean adults who don’t have friends and raise their own kids to be mean,” Steve added with a glare at the mom.

“We all have to take turns on the slide,” Hannah nodded in agreement.

“Ma! Ma! Swing again!” Lucy suddenly yelled, totally over the way this conversation was taking away from her valuable swinging time.

“Sure, baby.” Steve turned to the seething woman in front of them. “Are we done here or do I have to go on about how your son is going to peak in high school just like you did?”

She stormed off without another word, no match for Steve when he was in Mama Bear Mode.

It was so fucking hot.

Steve sighed.

“I’m proud of you Hannah Banana. You okay?” Steve knelt down so he was eye level with her, and pulled her into a hug.

“Can we go to another park, Ma?”

“Sorry, baby, this is the only one here. We can go back to Papa Wayne’s house, though.”

“Can I swing with Lucy?” Hannah asked.

“Of course. How about we swing for another ten minutes and then we get some ice cream?”

Eddie perked up at that.

“Ice cream!”

“You’re worse than the children,” Steve smirked at Eddie.

“Ice cream!” Lucy yelled.

“Can I have strawberry?” Hannah asked excitedly.

“Sure,” Steve ruffled her hair. “Strawberry’s my favorite, too.”

“Brownie!” Lucy yelled, eyes wide.

“That’s my girl! We’ll get brownie ice cream,” Eddie said as he lifted her up into his arms and walked her over to the swings.

The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, which is exactly how they liked it.

[woobifykamukura]

ghdsfkjghdsf is that a common thing?

I don't really get how he'd be misdiagnosed anyway; it would need brain scans, especially since it's so rare at his age, and if anything it would have been misdiagnosed as other conditions for a while. Only going off cry-stars here- I have no expertise myself- but she's said that can happen and there was a recent case in Japan where a young guy's dementia was mistaken for depression for ages.

If we doubt Komaeda's FTD it can only be via doubting his honesty imo (but I still think he's telling the truth). I also love seeing analyses of him through the lenses of other disorders as comorbid instead of alternative diagnoses- especially autism, but I've seen interesting takes wrt OCD and BPD too- but canonically I feel like bvFTD, extreme post-traumatic stress and political radicalisation adequately explain his issues.

TO BE FAIR it probably isnt As common as i think it is, i just saw one reddit post thst explicitly claimed the FTD was a misdiagnosis and that it totally makes way more sense for komaeda to have autism and bpd, and a surprisung number of people... agreed? for some reason??

which i need to state for the record a) i am autistic myself and b) have absolutely zero problems with headcanons, even if they arent ones i ascribe to personally

what i DO have a problem with is people erasing canon neurodivergencies and/or erasing traits CENTRAL to a character in order to square-peg-round-hole the headcanon THEY have as the most correct one

"nagito has ftd and was autistic before that?" cool! neat! seeing how those two disorders being comorbid with each other could be really interesting!

"nagito does NOT have ftd, the devs were wrong, they actually wrote an autistic character and didnt realize it" stop talking.

this is very like, misanthropic i guess but after SO MUCH SHIT ive seen it just speaks to an unwillingness to empathize with or relate to anyone that isnt exactly like you. and you cant just headcanon real people around you with Misdiagnosed Autistic (most.... times....) so this pops up in fiction

like. i am autistic! i also have two (2) personality disorders, and neither is bpd. this has led to a non negligible amount of autistic people completely stereotyping my other disorders as evil in order to prop themselves up ("i thought i was a narcissist/sociopath, which wouldve been awful, but really i was just autistic! phew!!" with implicit, sometimes EXPLICIT value judgements being made)

i have had a friend i had in real life, to my face, say he didn't believe i had either personality disorder and really i was secretly just autistic

...if we had been better friends, maybe he would've known me well enough to know that that's almost... comically untrue. lol

so in my opinion there do exist a certain minority of autistic people who see autism as the only neurodivergency that Matters, or at least the one that matters the most. and the only way they can feel any sympathy for anyone else is if they are also autistic

and i know this is a minority! and i just see it a lot because i am an autist in fandom and a lot of other autistic people are also in fandom! AND that this is a mindset prone to ANY minority- most people think their Problem is the Worst Problem, it just... happens. however i am just as irrational and prone to biases as anyone else and ive chosen this as my completely irrelevant hill to die on

that one reddit post made me so goddamn mad bc of All This PLUS its double insulting when someone says "i have a special interest in psychology!" as a way to say theyre extremely knowledgable, and doing genuine analysis with the lens of "i am looking at the text and trying to make an objective diagnosis" and then STILL DO THIS!!! because they have this veneer of "im just a guy asking questions" before diving right into a weirdly consspiratory subset of "everyones an idiot about mental health except for ME"

...which tbf i dont think that about myself. i am very good at writing a wide variety of mental illness due to a combination of research and life experience BUT i could really only tell you like. actual non-surface level FACTS about aspd and to a lesser extent, npd. because thats what i chose to focus on. there are far and away lots more people that know more about me about other things, and im fine wit that

i am however also aware of this extremely hyperspecific social phenominon. and thus it is my burden to bear. my mountainous molehill.

also r/danganronpa just fucking sucks like in general. every time i see a kokichi opinion there i get a little closer to pulling the trigger. i think the real moral here is reddit is garbage and should not be used for anything other than product reviews

(also fwiw i agree w ur personal take at the end, with a lil bit of ocd tendencies that like, started off manageable and nowhere near diagnostic level badness, since things he might do to manage his cycle and even the constant thinking about it are very much reminiscent of obsessions and compulsions. but ftd in of itself can cause ocd symptoms so after that it got... worse. thats my personal take on it ^^)

[formulapookie]

Hey hey hey, so with Bez congratulating Cele after his race (going there despite being in pain, but he just had to see Cele) and then hugging tightly, do think something more happens when they are alone? Like kisses or confessions? Or both? Bez being super proud, unable to hold back? Or Cele being happy and omg and then he just kisses Bez?

No pressure obviously, but would you like to write that if you have time? I know you still have some prompts left, so everything alright if you don't get to it!!!

Sending love either way ❤️

He finally managed to get a podium this year, fucking finally, he's made his comeback, Celestino is euphoric, wants to scream at the top of his lungs and feel this high again and again and again.

When he eventually comes back to the garage Bez is there. Cele worries for a moment, what about his injury? Is he ok? Can he walk properly? Does he need help?

But he sees the older driver walk towards him, arms open for an hug, and whoever received an hug from Bez during their life can tell they're the best in the world, and cele would die for a hug from him right now.

"Bravo Cele, bravissimo" Bez always has sweet words for him, always hyping him up and pushing him to be better while never putting him down.

He can feel the man's arms tight around him, pulling him so close to his chest he can feel Bez's heartbeat, everything but calm.

They're laughing, Bez complimenting him once again, then helping him to his motorhome, Cele's eyes sparkling with joy.

As they're inside Cele goes to grab a redbull and a monster he secretly keeps in his mini fridge because he knows Bez prefers it, and passes it to the older.

"You really made a show out there eh? I'm so proud of you" he's smiling, and God, Cele thinks, he doesn't know what he does to him, to his brain, to see him smile like that, so bright the sun would shy away at the sight. His words so important to him, being the ones making him give his 100% everytime he's on track.

He smiles back, and only then he realises how close Bez is currently standing, an unopened monster can in his right hand, his left one placed on the table for support, still looking at Cele.

And smiling. "So proud"

And Cele doesn't really register the next few seconds, they're too fast, too unreal, too much looking like they come out of a dream instead of being a solid truth.

Bez kisses him, and Cele can taste the pride filling the kiss, can taste Bez on his own lips, and he can't believe it.

He responds to the kiss, adrenaline charged on his part, but Bez still somehow holds control, pushing Cele against the table, making their energy drinks fall to the ground, an unpleasant smell of spilled redbull making its way to both of them.

But they don't care right now, Bez keeps on telling Cele how proud of him he is, and Cele can't help but give in to the touch, to the praise.

They finally stop for a moment, looking at eachother like two lovers who've been separated for years and couldn't hold the other close for so long.

"You - are you really - oh god you kissed me" Cele is incredule, can't really get what happened, Bez still smiling proudly.

"Of course I kissed you Cele you deserved it, you did such a great race and I am so so proud of you, I'm not gonna stop saying it"

And there's where Cele finds his courage, taking a quick step towards Bez and grabbing him by the team hoodie, pulling him closer than before, pushing his tongue past his lips, a bit too much teeth in this kiss, but he doesn't care, adrenaline is eating him alive and he so desperately needs to have Bez.

The older on his part is amazed by him, giving in to his touch, following his desire, kissing him back with force.

And still so proud of him.

Yeah I am in critical need of sleep cause I slept three hours tonight and I gotta be up at 6.45 tomorrow when it's currently midnight and I have to go trekking so yeah. Sorry if it's short/mediocre but my brain can only do so much when sleepy.

Send me a Ship name and a Number and I'll write a kiss

[asgardwinter]

hi bianca!! i have a request if that’s okay!!

so i work in an elementary school, and some days are better than others. can i request a little blurb where reader comes home after a bad day and is crying and loki comforts her and says he’ll make anyone who mad you cry and you’re like honey they’re six year olds and he’s like. oh. well then they’re cute. what am i supposed to do? 😭 idk i just love the idea of loki and kids bc i know he would secretly actually like them

I hope I made justice to your request, it is absolutely adorable and I can totally imagine something like this happening

tiny little mortals

summary | A bad day with Loki's antics was always a surprise.

pairing | Loki x Reader

warnings | fluff, Loki being funny AND adorable

word count | 558

author’s note | sorry if my writing isn’t that good, I’m trying to get back on track so be kind lovies :)

Loki Laufeyson Masterlist | join the taglist! | Main Masterlist

There were days where your kids made you smile and laugh and jump around the place. You’d be taking care of them and someone would’ve come near you with flowers as a cute gift and they would say adorable things and be adorable children.

Just perfect.

But on other days everything seemed to be off. The kids were being… Well, they were behaving like kids. Crying because you wouldn’t let them put themselves in danger, because you called them out, the whole package. And a bonus was that when they were unhappy you couldn’t be much happier either, and their parents were just as upset.

In a few words this whole combination left you crying in the living room of your apartment, not even realizing Loki got home.

“I swear, my love, I’ll make them regret it.” You hear his stone cold voice behind you. “Anyone who makes such a beautiful thing like you cry should not be living and...”

“Love, they’re six years old.” You cut through his monologue, a half smile made its way to your face with how shocked he was to hear it.

“Oh my.” He looked quite embarrassed, you never thought you’d see him almost regret a death threat. “Well, if they are small humans… it might complicate things a bit.”

“Just a bit, right?” You nodded towards the picture you had up on the rack, a gift from some of the kids with a picture you took during one of those special days they had.

“They’re cute. Too cute!” He looked more closely at the picture. “What am I supposed to do now? What can I do to some tiny little mortals?!”

“I don’t know, honey.” You dried some of the tears with the back of your hand. “Just please don’t follow on with the murder plan. I’d be a little happier if they’re there tomorrow when I get to work.”

Loki sat by your side on the couch, his arms around your shoulders to give you some support while you could almost see the engines in his brain working to solve your problem in a way he wouldn’t hurt the “tiny little mortals”.

“I have a plan.” He suddenly announced. “And I believe you’ll approve of it.”

You stared at him, suspicious of his intentions. The only relief was that you knew he wouldn’t hurt a kid, even if he also would do anything to assure your well being.

“Tomorrow I will pick you up at work and them we can go to that cafe you love so much…”

“And…?” You could see there was way more into his words, Loki was just a master at stalling you.

“...before that I’ll have a little chat with these little ones there.”

“Loki…”

“Like I even need permission.” He scoffed, clearly offended at your lack of faith in his abilities of staying off the radar of the people in charge.

“Do whatever you want honey.” You gave up, leaning against him to emphasize your words. “I just don’t want kids crying or parents coming in for my head.”

“Trust me, my love. Everything will get better.” He winked and you just knew he was telling you the truth.

And if you had seen the careful way he talked to the kids, you’d be even more surprised with his adorable manners next to them.

[co27]

9 people you'd like to know better

tagged by: @funshinebf woah!! hey!! hi!! :3

a) three ships:

DELLUMBRA. my beloveds forever and ever and ever. an animator put della and penumbra holding hands in the chibi valentines day thing and its the only thing that matters for the rest of time. seeing them never fails to make me the happy smiler

spova... HRHGHGHHGHGHHHHH (STARTS CLAWING AT THE WALLS) im getting a bunch of my irls to watch the show with me and like how do i explain why sparx catching nova in circus of ooze makes me actually start howling in pain. the slow burn... the trust... the botched confessions the loss the self blame. oh god its all just so fucking painful forever ill never be over them

tomshiv :) theyre the perfect eternal punishment for each other and i love seeing them make each other suffer. the dirty talk scene in season 3 permanently altered my brain chemistry and tom wambsgans mr brightside is the greatest video of our generation

a1: bonus ships:

SERIREI :) save me serirei... serirei save me... such a classic i love those crazy businessmen. 2018 serirei was literally the perfect era like you had to be there

joongdok. thousand yard stare. ive been coming around to yoohankim lately too but i feel like a lot of content doesnt really capture what i like about orv so i dont look at or like a lot of the shippy content in the first place

gibotto

also gibson/sparx

b) first ever ship:

...... :( it was grey/juvia from fairy tail. yandere x tsundere was like elite to me. if i close my eyes and pretend im in a universe where fairy tail is good i can honestly see the vision. the first one that made me really crazy crazy about shipping though was germany and italy from hetalia unfortunately. sorry. and sometimes i fear i may never escape the annoyingly optimistic x grump who secretly likes it trope and its all their fucking fault

c) last song:

hello, i love you by adore delano. SHE JUST GETS ME

d) last movie:

uuhhhh fuck i watch a lot of movies absolutely baked with my friends so its hard to remember. i think everything everywhere all at once :) i sincerely believe it is one of the best movies ever made. STEPHANIE HSU WAS ROBBED AT THE OSCARS

e) currently reading:

cirice by madeline miller, i havent picked it up in months tho... and i keep telling myself im going to start one piece and dungeon meshi but i havent yet #laziness

f) currently watching:

sooo many things but im currently keeping up with season 16 of drag race with my friend. besides that primarily trigun stampede and hannibal because im watching those with my friends. and i count srmthfg again. but also dungeon meshi is on the backburner too. and a million other things like the boys and interview with the vampire... GOD THERES TOO MANY SHOWS GUYS

g) currently consuming:

idk waht this means. if its about eating then i have a big tub of cocktail peanuts that im munching on right now

h) currently craving:

DAVES HOT CHICKEN. SAVE ME DAVES HOT CHICKEN

9 people to tag:

um uh um uhhh @godza @morguerue @irradiatedsnakes @faglagomorph @treecakes @itaots @soulreaper @puppetlooselystrung @vampirewings and also anyone else who wants to talk about themselves yay!!! i hope its okay i tagged you heart emoji <3

easily copyable version under the cut for joy and prosperity yay

9 people you'd like to know better

tagged by:

a) three ships:

a1: bonus ships:

b) first ever ship:

c) last song:

d) last movie:

e) currently reading:

f) currently watching:

g) currently consuming:

h) currently craving:

9 people to tag:

[princessnijireiki]

like... the idea that people are getting deeply aroused on some level (sexual, political excitement, what have you) over quite literally fringe radical separatist causes that already are facing criticism for being trans exclusionary and invasively policing the bodies of cis women applicants to "make sure" they're not too "masculine" or "secretly men," regardless of whatever "successes" random twitter user #24601 is claiming on the movement's behalf, is already not fabulous of y'all.

but the fact that thousands of people were willing & eager to believe in this despite literal decades of data on economic impacts on birthrates in east asian nations with regard to brain drain & depopulation from rural areas, increasingly unaffordable suburbs and cities, violently radicalized misogyny being propped up by state & private corporate support feeding into poor mental health outcomes of family dependence and student/worker isolation, and diminished access to healthcare in general is also like. you can't even say you don't know that when y'all make racist one child policy jokes or meme on the japanese PM, and y'all definitely grasp the concept every time a western news page talks about millennials zillennials and gen z not having babies after being very clear to clown us for decades about how, "haha this 1990s bitch can't afford a smoothie," no shit, idiot! minimum wage is like $7! so actually the real answer is you knew, forgot, or never internalized it, and don't give a shit until the statistics can be abused in your favor.

on top of telling me y'all either can't do arithmetic or don't give half a shit about covid to this day, so double fuck y'all & you're not on my survival team at this point lol, but especially its impact on gestational reproduction and what covid means as a consideration for child welfare or health of a pregnancy, because while there was a very real phenomenon of "covid babies" (both re: kids first socialized in comparative isolation and re: kids conceived because families/couples were at home), and ENSUING widely covered news of impacts on childcare WORKERS like teachers, babysitters, nannies, and other domestic labor infection & mortality rates... there were a ton of people who were/are frightened of everything going on and who very deliberately were or are not having kids as a result. so like... where the fuck is the rock YOU'VE been under for 4 or 5 years now? because it sounds nice, must be real quiet down there, you know?

I need some of y'all to stop getting your news from tiktoks of screenshots of tumblr posts of screenshots of tweets of screenshots of tiny snippets of news articles extrapolated wildly out of context and placed next to unrelated screenshots to further an agenda. because all you're doing at this point is announcing yourself as somebody who'd have seen the weekly world news reports at newstands in the '90s and sent some stranger in oregon a blank check for proof that the bat boy who married elvis to the loch ness mobster really existed and had information about bill clinton being replaced by an alien in the white house. grow up!

[giantchasm]

Hello. May you like to share any recent Susie-isms on your brain 👁👁

(Or any Kirby blorbo honestly. I just like your character vibes)

OUUUGHHHH. SUSIE MY FRIEND SUSIE. SHE'S EVERYTHING TO ME.

(Sorry this answer is a few days late, but I really do have a lot of thoughts about her)

Recently I've been thinking abt her relationship w mechanization a lot recently. I know it's left ambiguous in canon whether or not she's actually part machine, but she's suuuuch a robotgirl to me.

This bitch has a microchip in her brain and mechanical hands and big scary LED eyes. But also they're kinda cute and when she's choosing how to get dressed up every day she can decide on different colors and even symbols like hearts in her eyes to match whatever cute and/or unhinged vibe she's going for.

She's only part robot, but sometimes she wishes she were all robot. Life would be easier if she was perfect and unfeeling and cold and didn't make mistakes. But sadly she can't fully mechanize herself because then "She'd effectively die," and while she sometimes wonders if that would be for the best (Replacing herself with a better version of herself and all), she knows it would unfortunately make her friends sad.

Even though she's not a real robot she uses it/its pronouns sometimes and has an acronym picked out for what S.U.S.I.E allegedly stands for because she likes feeling like a machine anyways.

She has a complicated relationship with her robotics sometimes because for a long time she was convinced they made her superior to everyone else, but now that she's learning that's not true and that mechanization was apparently "a horrific thing to do to people," she occasionally wonders if people see her as some kind of freak.

But she tries not to think about it! She's better than everyone else, OK? She has to believe that. Or else she'll spiral.

Although most of her is mechanical and because of that she can't feel super well, one of her hands is still flesh and secretly she likes it when people hold it.

She thinks about her dad a lot. Her relationship with him is soooo complicated. Sometimes she hates him, but she misses him just as much. There's so much anger mixed in with crushing sadness. She wonders if he'd despise her for everything she did. She can't really blame him. She despises him too. Doesn't make it any easier, though. And so she just. Tries not to think about it. And fails.

Taranza (He's her best friend, ok?) tells her it's okay to let herself grieve and process those complicated feelings, but that's not always easy for her. She doesn't even know where to begin.

She's a loser. An unhinged, emotionally damaged wreck of a woman. Someone in the fandom as of late has taken to referring to her as 'Losie' and they're so right. I need less content of Susie actually being a girlboss and more content of Susie desperately trying to pretend to be a girlboss while actually just barely pretending to cling to her sanity with her fingernails.

Susie's interesting to me in that she like. Wears a mask on top of a mask. She pretends to be this honestly pretty nice silly cutesy unbothered chick to people she doesn't know well, but in 'reality,' she sees herself as this realistic, unbothered, cynical and strong person. But she's not that either. She's fooling even herself. Deep down, what Susie is is a scared, angry, sad little girl. Like she's not a little girl anymore-- she's a grown woman, but she'll always be the same scared little girl who got lost in Another Dimension. And she hates that fact. So she won't acknowledge it.

Funfact: in my headcanons when she first started going by 'Susie' it was when she initially got back from Another Dimension. After being forced to confront the fact that her dad didn't recognize her and being mechanized to join the company, she decided that the old Susanna was dead and she was someone new. Someone who would never cry again. She's not, but it's nice to pretend.

I also like to think she literally can't cry anymore-- LED eyes and all. Doesn't mean she doesn't want to sometimes, though.

She hates it when anyone calls her Susanna. Except Taranza. He can get away with it occasionally.

He, Magolor, Kirby and the Mage Sisters are her closest friends. She doesn't really like to admit it, but they're her buddies... even if there was some strife between her and the Mage Sisters at one point (I wrote a whole fic about this. I'm working on making it presentable to upload)

She pretends she doesn't like Magolor, but she does. See: this idea I came up with the other night and still can't get off my mind.

But then after that they pretend they didn't have a moment. NO, Kirby. You DIDN'T find them quivering and holding hands. Shut up.

Susie is weirdly liked amongst her employees. She's not even that good of a boss. Like she's a cold, calculating bitch. But after Star Dream shut down a lot of the technology that kept mechanized people functioning and alive started shutting down and she fixed all of the Haltworkers one by one. She didn't think anything of it-- she was just trying not to lose valuable workers, which would be a stupid waste of money, but now they love her. I think more than anything she just seems like an okay boss in comparison because Haltmann was so hilariously mean to his employees when in reality she's still pretty draconian.

She's trying to do better now, though! She's learning to care about 'ethics.'

When she was 7 years old and before she experienced the horrors she read Space Warrior Cats. Space Warrior Cats is exactly like real Warrior Cats except every character has 'Space' in front of their name (I.E. "Space Firestar.)

I love this hot pink bitch named breakfast.

[thesinglesjukebox]

KELSEA BALLERINI WITH NOAH KAHAN - "COWBOYS CRY TOO"

It's time to be a cowboy nooowwwww / and cowboys DO cry...

[5.78]

Julian Axelrod: Noah Kahan's email inbox must look crazy these days. After securing a string of Stick Season features from his famous friends, I can imagine him slowly working through a stack of requests for verses like he's Ty Dolla $ign in 2016. Kelsea Ballerini is among the first to cash in on the Kahanaissance, and she's not fucking around: Nothing says "I, too, would like to sell out arenas in Vermont" like an earnest folk ballad about fragile masculinity and the complicated relationships between fathers and sons. Unsurprisingly, Noah rises to the challenge, and their voices come together beautifully. But coming off a year of promoting her most "personal" work yet, it's telling that Kelsea feels most comfortable fading into the background. [5]

Katherine St. Asaph: A surprisingly tender, nuanced lament on toxic masculinity. Both Ballerini and Kahan are credited; perhaps they're to thank for the empathy? [7]

Will Adams: A comment on the lyric video by one darrensawyer-ju9bn: "Thank you for bringing attention to the fact that men have emotions too." I genuinely cannot tell if this comment is facetious or sincere. My cynical, too-online brain wants to cast off "Cowboys Cry Too" as obvious and self-serving, but there's a little seed in there that truly believes Ballerini and Kahan pull it off. It helps that their take on toxic masculinity acknowledges the generational aspect ("I grew up wishing I could close off the way my dad did") and the woman's perspective ("when he's showing his skin... that's when he's toughest to me"). It's pretty, too, which also helps. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: “Cowboys Cry Too” would like to signpost changing expectations of masculinity, but it underestimates the terrain: country music since its inception has offered an arena in which men were permitted to be more emotional and more sentimental than they can outside the honky tonk. Cowboys are complex: as well as weepers, they are creatures mommas should not want their sons to grow up to become, but they’re also frequently secretly fond of each other. Noah Kahan is not a cowboy or a country artist, but his folk ballads offer something like a Vermont corollary to the genre’s implicit Southernness. Kahan can’t deliver a melody as expertly as Ballerini, who here attempts empathy but ends up sounding stunted (boys have feelings -- who knew?), but his first-person narrative of fathers and burning “too many miles trying to ride out the sadness” paints a more nuanced portrait. But there’s also the ghost of Reba McEntire; if cowboys cry, Brooks and Dunn told us cowgirls don’t, and using that song’s motifs puts into relief how emotionally austere this one is. There’s too much Yankee stoicism here and not enough tears. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: I'm okay with country music existing in this imaginary space where everyone's either a cowboy or cowgirl, regardless of their suburb or exurb of origin. But when used in a song title like this, and especially when paired with "I never knew," the effect is rather infantilizing, like your therapist giving you advice from a Pixar movie. However, Ballerini's decision to buck the Western imagery and reach all the way to Vermont for a duet partner was improbably the correct one. If Noah Kahan has any misgivings about being typecast as a weepy folk balladeer, he doesn't show them here, as he pins down the kitschy platitudes into a more concrete narrative about fatherhood and fears of abandonment. Notably, though, he doesn't make any reference to rural life in his lyrics, suggesting that he too might be quietly ashamed of working under this banner. A good illustration of a case where keeping one's feelings bottled up really is the best option. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Alysa Vanderheym once co-wrote a song called "Talk You Out of It" for Florida Georgia Line. Hence why, when she got to be part of a good song, she went hard in the paint with the steel guitar. [9]

Ian Mathers: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn Kelsea and Noah's overpriced-sounding milquetoast pop country song and turn its Jukebox score into the 4th of Shit [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Give me my "Dawns" back. [3]

Alfred Soto: The fusty tropes don't smother Kelsea Ballerini's lack of affect; she knows how to weigh her feelings by sticking to the script. Noah Kahan isn't there yet, but in a fictional world where a song about cowboys a-weepin' enters the Hot Country Airplay top five his pathos is a glass of fresh iced tea.  [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[sukirichi]

Aaaaaaaa sukiiiiiii why you do this to meeeee 😭😭

Brain mush, im very exhausted so im sorry if ill rant dhdhajdjs

The whole rin diary part - sparked lots of joy 🥺🥺🥺

This part right after

This does not spark joy 😒 like really? really? After we kept admitting we still love rin even while being with omi we go ahead and say that? Especially after reading the damn diary... Really?

This update made my heart shatter for our dearly idiot rin even more.. He keeps thinking we just... Wont love him if we know who he really when (jokes on him we do know) and it just.. It really breaks me

The fact he truly looks that low on himself to the point he believes we are with him just cause hes a prince and if he never was we wouldnt even notice him... Bruh i just.. I want to hug him.. Royal life truly shattered him mentally to the point he has no self esteem uh..

This part tho caught my attention:

He keeps trying to push us away but perhaps cause he's noticeable tired, I mean its described at o e point that he has dark circles under his eyes, what i believe its because hes been sleeping on the couch or something because he refuses to sleep in the same bed as iris (since he did kinda hinted that she had the bed all to herself). And perhaps thanks to him being exhausted he just cant stop himself fron letting little truths come out, he didnt even seem to notice it while we truly did.

Im still disappointed? Bitter? Ahahahha that the baby is staying dhshshhdhoas he's our hubby man i dont want him to be having some other bitch's baby when neither he or she wanted it 🙃 like please just do something good for the story iris and go ahead and lose it 🤣🤣 at this point only the queen will be pissed and we love that royal bitch pissed 🤣🤣

Sorry i wanted to give a better review but damn my job has been killing me ahahahah thank you so much for another update tho, these even tho they kill me 🤡 in a way always cheer me up and make me having something to look forward for.

Also yes kuroooooo destroy the bitchhhhh ahahhaha

the rin diary part!! man I remember having to like sit down for a long time just so I could use the perfect words LIKE WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ITS HARD TO BE POETIC LMFAO. not that it DID become poetic but it was the best I could pull out of my ass lmaoooo. omg okay I get that it doesn’t spark joy but hear me out!! at that point we’d already fallen for kiyoomi and yknow like… we already know that rintaro hasn’t been that good anyway, and we’re finally choosing what’s right, what’s BETTER (because dtd!yn has always been a character who will most likely end up doing what she thought was right and its really hard to change her mind lol but it’s just!! a matter of what feels right in that moment!!) and in that moment choosing kiyoomi and finally accepting that he has feelings for us felt like the right one! and the diary you know, it really is confusing cuz like – WE LITERALLY HAD JUST BEGUN OUR THING WITH KIYOOMI AND EVERYTHING IS GOING WELL then we see that our husband has always been secretly writing his feelings about us LIKE THE TIMING HONESTLY CAN’T GET ANY WORSE LOL

oh yeah… rin’s inferiority complex has just completely gotten worse because all his insecurities have gone from ten to a hundred. like he somehow always felt like he wasn’t good enough but to know that he was never a prince?! my boy needs therapy. and yes omg that part!! I know during the scene where he kicked us out our room was trying to imply that he wants to share the same bed as iris but naur!! my boy rin won’t even touch her within a ten foot pole in that moment, he just stays on the couch and can barely sleep because he sent us to belleview manor of all places. I just know he stayed up all night thinking about what we’re doing with kiyoomi and well… his imaginations are right because we’re making out with him lol. LMAOOOO I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT THE BABY I think its bcos iris has been off-screen for such a while now that lowkey I forgot she and the queen existed (in other terms I’m just too excited to write about runaway rin and yn!! and I’m such a pea brain lol)

also no omg!! I hope you’re getting some rest and a well-deserved break though! and thank you so muchhh IM SO HAPPY YOU’RE ENJOYING DTD HEHEHEHE as always I appreciate you for showing so much love and I’m sending you more back!! <33

[utilitycaster]

@burr-ell replied to your post “Just saw someone posit that Bor’Dor is secretly a...”:

hold up i think im missing something, what's moon theory??

So: it's been long enough and we've gotten enough actual moon lore since that I no longer go full Kill Bill sirens, and I've had several dubious wine cooler freezer pop...things so let's do this.

The basic gist of the most well-known moon theory is that Fjord is from the moon. I do not recall if it specified which moon. I am not, to be honest, entirely sure if the people who put forth this theory were aware that Exandria had two moons. I think they were aware it had multiple moons but I am not positive that at the time of the theory they could name them.

Of course, there is lore. I'm not up on all of it and as mentioned, drinking, and it was like, not quite three years ago when it reached its height and I haven't rewatched the video that caused this to circulate on Tumblr since. If you want to watch the full video, which is very stupid and poorly edited, you can watch it here.

Anyway: the theory was that Fjord, a half-orc, was actually one of the space orcs from the Spelljammer setting, which are "cleverly" called Scro. (This is also the origin story on why I immediately assume that anyone super into Spelljammer has the cognitive capabilities of a grilled cheese sandwich, an assumption that has not yet failed me.) The reason why was that he was "too small" to be a half-orc (he's on the small side but, contrary to what fanartists will have you believe, well within normal bounds of half-orc sizes) and also he was too smart to be an orc. This, when you realize this video was made in August 2020, ie, many discussions about racial essentialism in general and in D&D specifically are being had, really gives you a sense of the brain trust we are working with here.

The basis of the theory beyond that is...incomprehensible. It mostly rests on panels in which Matt is like "yeah Spelljammer sure does exist" or the fact that Travis, when asked point blank if Fjord was from the moon, gave the sort of "what the FUCK" stare one might expect. Apparently the video is about other moon theories as well but I could not tell you what they were because it's mostly just a series of (poorly) edited clips in which the moon is mentioned. There is no thesis. There is no argument. It's the Moon Moon of YouTube videos. I do distinctly remember that Keyleth being a Circle of the Moon druid is mentioned for no particular reason other than the word "Moon" is there. It's essentially a compilation of times the word "moon" exists. It's so fucking stupid. It also, as I recall, and I want to note at this point that I've done a significant amount undergrad-level work in astronomy and cosmology so you can see how painful this is to me, rested heavily on not understanding that the Astral Plane and Outer Space are different locations. But it is almost an hour long, and again, it aired in August 2020 with all that entails, so it unfortunately caught on like Circle of the Moon Wildfire.

Anyway. The point is that some people took "if you can't blind them with brilliance, dazzle them with bullshit" very much to heart and there was a month or so in the CR fandom where everyone was like "lol Fjord is an alien from the moon haha" which very much sucked, but fortunately, and I cannot believe I'm saying this, the shipping discourse of Rumblecusp served as a fucking balm in comparison since at least it was fandom bullshit as usual rather than a no intelligent life on this planet scenario, though it was definitely being unfunnily joked about for quite some time after. I'm sure it has pockets of supporters somewhere but I think anyone watching Campaign 3 can feel confident that it's been soundly debunked.

Anyway I searched my blog and I found this from that era which, if I do say so myself, is pretty funny.

[fairys-dream]

“Logan continues to use his senses instead of immediately jumping to conclusions, and ends up noticing some things about Creeds responses that he doesn’t quite believe he’s really picking up.”

chapter 2 is OUT!!!!!! its kinda short i knowww but its a segway into chapter 3 where (hopefully) gears will start actually moving ^^;

read it under the cut too if u want (im gonna start doing this w my fics from here on out)⤵️⤵️⤵️

For the rest of the mission, Logan found himself interpreting Creeds words and expressions in a new light.

Actually, it stopped him from getting sore with him more often than he normally would.

He’d feel the usual anger bubble instinctively inside him, but settle down after he took the time to assess the other feral’s true intent.

It was freaky.

And weird.

And a bit unsettling.

Hard for Logan’s mind to fully process.

Come on, it’s SABRETOOTH for cryin’ out loud! He’s still the same mean guy he’s always been.

But maybe he’s been a little hard on him-

No. He deserves it. He’s a damn full-blown psychopath. He’d kill me if given the opportunity, and I’d do just the same for him.

….did they really used to trust eachother?

Logan’s brain fought back and forth as he zoned out the chopper ride back to base after Wraith finally came to pick them up.

His mind went to one of the things North said while they were rescuing Cassidy, about Creed managing not to kill anyone. Normally he wouldn’t have ever thought to notice this, but as he went through his chaotic memories of the last few days, it seemed that under Logan’s order Creed hadn’t left as many people dead this time around.

And he suspected Mystique had also been secretly spared.

When they arrived back at base, Logan probed him about it.

“It ain’t like ya to leave a liability still breathin’.”

“Wasn’t a regular liability…”

The blonde looked away, a nervous expression on his face.

“…She’s ain't all bad.”

Logan could tell that Creed felt something for the shape-shifter. He wasn’t sure exactly what, but it was definitely something. It was hard to believe that the guy could harbor feelings like that for anything outside killing.

He let out a sigh.

“Alright, but if she comes messin’ around again, you're in charge of her.”

Creeds smile returned, looking relieved, and gave him a salute.

The salute seemed sarcastic, but to Logan’s surprise, was contained hints of seriousness.

But was definitely still mostly sarcastic.

That felt more like the Creed he knew.

————————————————

It had only been half an hour since returning, and they were already on their back and forth routine again, 2am post-mission meal forgotten in the midst of their bickering.

Smile still stuck to his stupid face, Creed taunted Logan with a snide remark.

And Logan, smirking, had said a particularly nasty threat in response.

Which caused Creeds smile to turn upwards into a wicked grin.

Except now, it lacked any malicious intent, so it wasn’t actually all that wicked.

Almost giddy?

Maybe even a little cute- nope, still Sabretooth.

Logan had to stop himself from hitting his head, having the urge to attack whatever part of his brain allowed for a thought like that to happen.

“Alright bub, I gotta clarify here ‘cause I think I’m goin’ a bit crazy- that look on yer face don’t mean you wanna slash my guts out?”

“Nah, not right now. Maybe later, though.”

Of course the thought of that would excite Creed. Logan already knew for a fact he enjoyed their brawls, that the other took some sick pleasure in seeing Logan’s animal side let loose. Like he felt pride or something for being the instigator of pushing him that far.

But he always wondered though…

“Do ya just like hurtin’ me? Or do ya also get off on the pain too?”

Somehow, Creeds smile got even wider.

“Take a guess.”

Judging by his state, probably yes to both.

“Perv.”

“Only fer you, runt. Nobody comes near as good as you do. Pain’s usually kinda annoying from anyone else, actually. ‘sides-“

Logan grunted as his already wild hair got messed up further by the taller man.

“I know you enjoy it too. That’s what makes it fun.”

He’d never admit it out loud, but the other feral had him pegged.

He hated how easily Creed could sense the things he tried so hard to keep hidden. Hated how he acted like he knew him.

And really hated how often he was right.

Logan grabbed the other’s wrist as it left his hair, quickly biting deep into his hand, enough to taste the metallic taste of blood on his tongue as he released him.

“OW- fuckin’ runt…”

Logan looked smugly up at him, licking the blood off his teeth as he grinned at him.

“What? Thought you liked it.”

Victor stared at him for a moment.

Then rubbed his bloody hand roughly over Logan’s face, smearing the blood onto him and chuckling.

Creed clearly wanted Logan to start the fight, and boy, he was gonna get it.

But soon after the first few pots and plates hit the kitchen floor, North appeared in the doorway.

“Creed, lay off it! It’s 2 in the fucking morning!”

“What?! The fuck ya’ yellin’ at me for?!”

Logan snikted his claw out from Creeds ribs, Creed grunting from the harsh removal.

“Yeah, real mature, Creed. People’ll are tryin’ to get their beauty sleep ‘round here, yknow.”

Creed glared down at Logan.

Before Logan could get a good read on that expression, it changed back to a grin, accompanied by a low husky chuckle.

“You better get some too, ‘cause we’re getting right back into this as soon as you wake up-“

Creed poked a finger against his chest-

“-runt.”

Logan couldn’t stop the slight blush from creeping up his face due to what his senses were picking up.

…. No, Creed felt like that about all acts of violence. Definitely got some perverse satisfaction outta it.

Yeah, thats all that was.

Creed grabbed his meal off the counter and turned to leave as North spoke up again, exhaustion clear in his tone.

“Can you schedule that till at least after 10? I’d really appreciate not having to deal with both your shit early on a Special Pass.”

“Sure, whatever, North.”

Right.

He totally forgot about the Pass.

Well, at least his other teammates would still be around.

God forbid he’d ever have to spend one of those with only Creed.

[ankhisms]

various ramblings trying to type thoughts ive been having

sometimes i get the feeling that people think less of me or negatively about me due to my different brain issues like not processing and understanding things etc etc and i dont know if thats my anxiety/extremely low self esteem self worth/paranoia combined with a history of people mistreating me or if thats actually happening yknow i really dont want to assume that people dislike me ive been trying to break that pattern of thinking within myself which again comes from a life time of abuse and of people very openly disliking me so my brain goes well its always been the default that people dislike us and are angry with us. its like i know i have brain processing issues but i wish that wouldnt make people like me less or think less of me. instead of telling me that im not actually stupid id like for someone to tell me that even if i am stupid they still care about me and will have compassion for me and my mistakes. ive been thinking about something a mutual said i genuinely cant remember who said it memory issues flaring up so hi if it was you but it was like. online theres this phenomena where even peoples tiny little slip ups and in the bigger picture not that big of a deal mistakes can be documented and held against them for an eternity and that for a long time theres been a certain cultivation of behavior of like. idk what the word is i dont think hyper vigilance is the right term but the kind of mentality where if you make even one mistake you have that held over your head for years. and im realizing that i really grew up with that kind of mentality surrounding me online (and similar mentalities irl) and i think that really fed into and formed a lot of different issues i have. there was a post i rbed maybe earlier this week about not thinking that youre one slip up from your friends abandoning you and i really want to get myself to believe that but the problem is that thats genuinely happened before or thats been threatened to happen before with me and so again my brain goes well it could happen again everyone you know and love could suddenly cut you off out of nowhere with no warning or everyone you know and love is secretly talking about how awful you are. and i get scared that im somehow doing things wrong without knowing that im doing things wrong or hurting people without realizing im hurting them and lately i keep just being hit with the feeling that everything i do is wrong and that im making people angry or upset with me even when im literally not doing anything and it sucks and i wish i knew an easy way to get out of it. ive mentioned this before but when it comes to my issues like this one thing is like. i dont want people to think that im so fragile and scared that ill shatter if they come to me and talk to me saying hey rey this thing you did upset me/hurt me etc i dont want people to think that ill fall apart if im told about a mistake ive made or that ive done something wrong i want people to be able to come to me and talk with me and i always want to be able to grow and admit when im wrong and i dont want to hurt people. and then ive been thinking about how even though i have lovely friends who i cherish and appreciate and love so much i still feel so lonely and seperated from everyone who i know and love and i feel like im on the other side of a glass wall and that no one can reach me and i want to get closer to people but it always feels like i cant. but i dont want to doubt my friends love for me i dont want to doubt that i have a place in peoples lives. but its really hard. anyway its almost midnight i should sleep thanks if you read this

[wanderrlust0]

2/2

it ties into the female attention & peaking his interest even if its by the slightest. idk, like i said, this happened almost 3yrs ago when we were in a tough spot unfortunately and ive put it all behind me and weve been moving forward. i know how he feels about me & we would hate to ever lose each other. its just after hearing about this new news to me, i feel like it triggered my brain into thinking about how he can maybe feel things easily towards people. also, hes already apologized to me about the stuff in the past so i dont really feel any more of the frustrations that i felt bc at first he was not seeing my side of things and i was feeling so annoyed by that. luckily, thats all over now. i still get a little attentive when it comes to his classmates & any other girl i hear about bc then i start thinking, well is she pretty, does she like him, does he like her, how much do they talk, etc. which is just a normal girl thing..i think lol. im not totally insecure but it is easy to feel some type of way. so, i think i expressed everything i wanted to. i replied to the other guys msg and i honestly feel kinda bad for him but i hope they can work things out..

edit 7/29: not to add More things to this but.. i hung out with him today & i could tell that he felt terrible about himself for that happening & he felt like i was letting him off too easy. like, just not getting mad or lashing out i guess. im too shy to do that to him tho but i did say how i did think about it a lot & that you two were honestly stupid for doing that. also, how i did feel bad for her husband. i didnt say much more than that but if i did i just wouldve said like, you two knew it would ruin the friendship. even tho it didnt right away, look at it now. just bc you two couldnt put your sexual thoughts aside. but you know what, it just goes to show that it was always ever so slightly present since the beginning of the friendship. they both have had thoughts of fucking already & they finally caved. so he was given the chance to sleep with her & he took it bc 1, it benefited him and 2, hes been secretly wanting to do that. IM STILL NOT OVER THE WHOLE BREAK THING (kinda am) BUT I CANT DWELL ON IT. i just asgdjflk. like broT-T ..made me believe that we were just not gonna talk as much, yet still be friends. it was both of our first time trying out a break. he made me believe that wed be back together once things chilled out & we could hang out normally since it was covid year (honestly was torture & i was in one of my lowest moments). He made me be under the impression that he just needed some spaceeee. I didnt think it was to the point where he felt like he was single, ready to mingle!!! like dude didnt even wait that long to find a whatever rebound, then had the guts to cry to me about stuff i didnt understand at the time but then later found out it was over some other girl!!T-T posting a fricken poem on his story & telling me a lie. turning off his location. taking longer & longer to reply, then not replying for almost a day. But yeah sure, telling me we’d still talk during this time, just not as romantic. sending me snaps of his dealer writing a little “cute” ass note w a heart on it. whyy would your dealer even do that. like she obviouslyyy wouldnt do that for just anyone. posting on your story about something that had to do w him being available & wanting to date. until finally he starts talking to me like he used to bc oh yeah, he wants me back. meanwhile, i havent even thought of myself being single or looking to find a new romantic partner. idk, that all messed w my head soo much. AAND that stupid poem was hung up on his wall for literallyyy monthsD; i couldnt even loook at that wall while we were being intimate bc it turned me off so much & didnt have the guts to mention it. he finally replaced it w something i gave him & when i saw it i was like about time & i showed it to my friend. i got sidetracked but that was important to let out. back to his friend..me knowing that hes been cheated on & how much it has affected him, i would think that he wouldnt enable someone else to do it to their partner the way his ex did it to him?! that was another thing i wouldve told him. i guess i just didnt feel like hurting him more than he already felt about himself.. but to wrap it up, i think were done with it. he kept complimenting me all day. he feels like he should unfollow her off everything now. they honestly havent really talked in a long time & they havent been close like they used to be so its not like they talk. he just doesnt wanna be involved with her & her hubby at all after this. he said i should unfollow also. tbh, i sort of dont want to? is that weird.. i feel like i should be hating her more but i also dont feel enough hate to remove her from ig. idk..he also might ask her how her husband found out. idk its like a sticky situation bc i wouldnt describe my feelings as hurt towards everything. i felt shocked, but not completely surprised. i felt old feelings that i felt when i first found out he hooked up w people during our break & now there was more to uncover. i felt like my suspicions were proven.