#schrödinger's job

[nando161mando]

[turtledotjpeg]

This came from a randomized AU prompt involving flight attendants and characters meeting in a coffee shop - I went with the main four meeting in an off-brand airport starbucks (plus melody because I have a blorbo agenda here :P), but got thoroughly sidetracked drawing melody + pika as flight attendants haha

(gon & killua meet in the airport and quickly hit it off, but while goofing off they accidentally bowl over leorio who really needed that coffee after 18 hours in transit back to medical school

kurapika is about ready to murder leorio - not for the coffee stain, but because he didn't apologize sincerely enough - but then gon jumps in very politely and says it was his fault and he's very sorry. kurapika decides to let it go :)

some handwavey logic later and they all end up on the same plane. kurapika gives gon and killua extra bags of the little pretzels and nearly kills leorio again for trying to flirt with melody. they all have a feeling it's not the last time they'll cross paths 🙂)

[rochenn]

growing up is realizing that all the "relatable" posts u saw as a teen about not wanting to answer emails weren't just jokes. they were made by someone in mortal peril

[limelocked]

The problem with trying to pace isekai erased is that I’m writing it like an anime but there’s precious few fucking mystery animes to compare and study the pacing of because most of them are like anthologies with one large mystery in the background or they’re old as shit (I know this because after watching erased I tried so fucking hard to find something similar)

[idiotwithasword]

English speakers will never understand the French struggle of not knowing if you have to use the formal you or the informal you when talking to someone

[binch-i-might-be]

my supervisors have informed me that I apparently saved their asses today which is very funny to me because all I do is Do My Job semi decently

[the-sleepiest-star]

I don't feel like a real person.

a real person would have a name,

would have friends and dreams,

would have a job, would go out and have fun.

am I real if no one knows me?

if not even my family knows my name?

I don't recognize the person in the mirror,

but I don't know what they should look like, either.

will I ever be real?

or will I just go trough the motions of surviving until I die?

[godofthestupid]

am working on that wuwa x chilshi fanart but the gift fanart had a bit more priority

and also I never really know what day it is

[find-me-in-hell]

so. to summarise that episode. uhm. colins probably dead. freddys fucked. lenas left. gwen has lenas job now. the rift was pulling celia. celia kinda manipulated sam to ultimately throw him in the rift. the archivist was there. but also went through the rift. sams essentially schrödingers cat???? all the while gwen, was just drinking in lenas office. the oiars total number of staff has just been halved. oh and a guy turned into concrete??? honestly not bad for a finale it would he worse (worms)

[angelofsmalldeaath]

in the woods somewhere — a.h.b.

cw: being sick, fevers

“go away, you’re not supposed to be in here,” i groan from under the mountain of blankets, struggling to fully breathe. 

the room is somehow boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time. i take a peek and his frowning face, and shut my eyes again. 

“you were calling my name,” his voice floats in on the breeze, garbled as if i’m under water and he’s trying to reach me. “you sounded quite weak and pathetic if i’m being honest—”

“oi!”

“—scared me a bit.”

i sigh into the pillow and grimace when a sweat-soaked tissue touches my nose. i shouldn’t be this disgusted by it. every inch of my skin feels the same—sweat-soaked and grimy and icky. 

a moment later, a cold hand touches my forehead. then i hear a wince. 

“oh, you’re not doing so well are you?”

“miserable. but you should go. i’ll be just fine—” and then, just to drive home the point, my body breaks into a coughing fit. 

the cold hand moves to my back, stroking down my spine until i can finally catch a breath, get some air in my lungs. it burns, of course. it burns like i’ve swallowed the river styx. 

“quit being so stubborn, will you? don’t make me wrestle you into being a good patient.”

“oooh kinky,” i tease, my voice hoarse and barely even audible. another coughing fit threatens to take over me but he holds a glass of water in front of me before that can happen. 

i take one look at his unimpressed face and take the glass dutifully. 

“i don’t remember calling your name.” i set the glass aside and try to prop myself up. he immediately moves to prop up a few pillows behind me. 

“well you would if your brain wasn't so fever addled. i reckon it’s melting. because you refuse to listen to me.”

“i’ve listened to you all day!”

“and did you eat when i brought you that bowl of soup in bed or did you make a face?”

“right,” i pout, pull out the last arrow from my arsenal, “are we really gonna do this when i’m on my death bed?”

a laugh tumbles out of him, surprising us both. he presses a hand over his mouth to stop it, pretends to run a hand through his beard to cover it up. “oh now you’re too sick, are you? i thought you were ‘just fine’.”

“schrödinger’s sickness,” i shrug and silently celebrate when he has to fight another smile.

“alright, how about we make a deal,” he says and extends his hand towards me, all business-like and serious. “you have some of that soup, let me help you with a quick shower, and then i’ll stay away from you. you won’t get me sick.”

“if you wanted to see me naked, all you had to do was ask.” i giggle behind my hands like a child. maybe he's right, maybe the delirium's really getting to me.

he huffs, close to defeated. “you’re impossible. why won’t you let me baby you, hmm? is it really so bad to lean on someone else?”

“okay,” i hold my hands up weakly, defensively, “fine. deal.” and even though his peeved expression is highly entertaining, i keep my laugh to myself. “how could i ever say no to you?”

“you have,” he points out, “multiple times, if i may add! and quit flirting. it’s time to let me do my job.”

“and what job is that?”

“nursing you back to health. making sure you don’t waste away like you so obviously want to.”

“and will you be by my bedside in a slutty nurse costume?” i snort, “you have the legs for it.”

rapidly, he mutters the words “delirious” and “impossible” among others under his breath but i don’t miss the way his face splits into a smile. how he shakes his head. especially not the fondness in his eyes when he pulls the blankets off me and holds my shivering body closer. 

without hesitating, i curl into him, into the crook of his neck, trying to fit myself into any cavities of his body that will have me. anything for his warmth. 

“i’m going to give you so much grief the next time i’m sick,” he declares, then picks me up into his arms. 

i kiss the exposed part of his neck, resting my head in the crook. “is that a threat, sweet boy? because i know how much you love being babied—”

“shush, aren’t you supposed to have a sore throat?”

i hum noncommittally.

a moment later he sets me down on the lid of the toilet, and flits around the bathroom gathering things. i watch him—i watch the crease between his brows and the stray hair falling out of his bun. i watch where his t-shirt slides off his shoulder to expose a collarbone and the was he licks his lips when he’s thinking. 

and when my sweat-soaked skin breaks out into goosebumps once more, i know it’s not the fever. 

[fairyofshampgyu]

Forces of Attraction

genre: smut, college au

Pairing: physics tutor! taehyun x reader

Warnings: sub! taehyun, dom! reader, blow job, riding, titty and bicep sucking lmfao, taehyun so whiney you can’t convince me otherwise his voice was made to whine

Word count: 1.1k

“I’m literally going to fail physics at this rate. I just don’t get this section at all!” You complain to your friend yoon who pats your back.

“Why don’t you ask for help then?”

“I literally went to my lecturer and told them I did not understand at all, he just said to look at my textbook and past lecture recordings. I even tried to watch videos online but I just don’t get it!” You groan.

“Why don’t you ask kang taehyun?” Yoon gives you a knowing smirk, pointing to the pink haired man sitting down below, headphones in and studying.

Kang taehyun was the smartest guy in your physics class, quiet, intimidating, cute-you found him so attractive. Problem is, you’ve never uttered a single word to him. “No I’m not gonna ask him! He’ll know I’m dumb then!”

“He doesn’t even know you since you never even speak to him. Also why not? I heard he tutors and he’s really good.”

“He does?”

“Yeah. And then you’ll have an excuse to talk to him!”

“Hmm. Maybe I will sometime…”

“Go, go, go!” Yoon pushes you in his direction before you have a chance to speak, attracting his attention as he looks up at you who had just appeared in front of him out of nowhere.

You just stare at him awkwardly for a bit before you decide to speak, scratching the back of your head, “Uh…Hello! I’m y/n. I heard you tutor? Will you be able to tutor me I’m having trouble understanding this particular topic…”

You’ll make sure Yoon pays for this, you can see here giggling to the side, enjoying your pain.

“Sure. Give me your number and we’ll set a date and time.”

∘ ༺ ☆༻ ∘

Taehyun opens the door at your arrival and you try not to let your mouth drop to the ground. He was wearing a tank top and sweat pants, exposing his muscles and he looked so incredibly fine.

“Oh I just came back from the gym.” Taehyun says, seemingly noticing your prolonged stare.

“Oh. Cool.” You clear your throat and try to seem unaffected.

“Okay, so what do you understand about quantum physics? Tell me what you already know. Do you understand Schrödinger’s wave equation?”

“Uhhh…I don’t understand absolutely anything from the topic.”

“So you don’t even get the two slit experiment?”

“Um…”

“It’s okay! we’ll just start from the very start.”

∘ ༺ ☆༻ ∘

“So the right hand side of this equation is known as a linear combination of the vectors r1 and r2. The particular points to take away from this is that combining vectors produces other vectors, analogous to our observation above that combining states produces other states, and that the components a and b are a measure of how much of r1 and r2 respectively go towards making up the vector r. Do you get that?”

You were getting some of it albeit still hurting your brain and after an hour, you just needed a small break. He was pretty good at tutoring. It got hard trying to focus sometimes though when he was so good looking. Also, damn that tank top he was wearing.

“It’s making sense. Could we take a break though?”

“Yeah of course. What do you wanna do intead?”

You look down at his pretty lips, not realising how long you zone out because of them. He seems to notice, suddenly becoming a bit shy, ears turning the shade of his hair. But he tries to ignore it, clearing his throat.

He’d seen you ogle at him a bit more than once this whole session and it made him want to scream and run out, trying to act calm when really he was squirming at your gaze.

Truthfully, he actually knew who you were before you asked him. He’d always see you in class, in the library, around campus laughing with your friends, at parties making out with people on multiple occasions and he had a pretty big crush on you. You were pretty hot. He looks down at your lips too for a second.

“I think…we should make out.” You drawl out, a bit lower.

“I-I-uh-”

it’s the first time you’ve ever heard taehyun’s usually stoic self stammer and look so nervous. You couldn’t help yourself, leaning forwards to cup his cheek and pressing your lips on his. He reciprocates, kissing back with so much eagerness and neediness.

You pull away for a second, string of saliva between the both of you and he whines at the loss of contact, so prettily. You dive back into his mouth, biting and pulling at his bottom lip, causing him to whimper, then attaching your wet lips to his pretty and bare neck, marking them with pinky-purple bruises. He whines again even louder. You love his sounds, wanting to hear more of them.

You move to his sweatpants with his dick that was literally bulging, taking his flushed pink cock out.

“Can I?” You ask and he nods repeatedly. So you move your head down, wrapping him around your wet lips. He squeezes his eyes shut, high pitched whines eliciting from him.

“So cute. Whiney baby.” He only whines out your name in response and you chuckle at him.

“What do you want? Wanna be fucked?”

“Yeah…”

“Say please.”

“Please y/n.” He was so pliant you loved it.

You hover over him, taking his dick into your hands and rubbing it against your folds instead, continuously dragging the head over you but not putting it in and he just whines at you.

You finally take his fat cock, placing it at your entrance and slowly sinking down on it, he balls his hands into little fists against your side, hissing slightly as you start fucking him. You roll and move your hips around against his, riding him at a feverishly fast speed and you can feel his dick twitching inside you.

“Hey! you can’t cum yet. Maybe I should be teaching you instead.” You stop your movements.

“Sorry…”

You begin again, bouncing up and down on him even faster, his body trembling like a leaf beneath you, sweet and high pitched noises frequenting his mouth. You lean, picking up one of his arms, sucking little kisses into his biceps before you move his tank top to the side, sucking on his nipples instead and he whimpers and whines.

“I really need to cum now y/n please-ah!”

“Cum for me then.”

He whines out even louder than you think possible, eyes closed and his mouth opening wide in pleasure, you can feel his hot cum filling you up. He gasps, sweaty, face and chest matching his pretty hair.

“Maybe we should do some work now”

But you’re thinking of maybe another round. Or two. You don’t end up getting much tutoring done in the end but you have plenty of time to make up for it with your cute new tutor. And a lot of something else as well.

PLEASE actually reblog!!!! and comment!!!!!if you like the fic. It’s really appreciated and nice if you do tysm !<3🙏💕😊 It’s discouraging when fics have such little reblogs 👎🤨

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The Stand-in Stands Up (all puns intended)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 eps - I do enjoy that the other Joe’s past is now coming back to haunt the present. For our Joe, the hits just keep on coming. Meanwhile, I know my heartstrings are being intentionally tugged, but I did feel sorry for Ming in this episode (at the last). And I think Up is doing a great job with this frankly difficult role if he can make me feel anything approaching sympathy for Ming. Ming's breakdown was excellent. Very dramatic.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 6 of 12 - These two are entirely boyfriends who just don’t happen to be dating. It’s Schrödinger’s relationship. It's crazy that these two are already sleeping together and I still can’t wait for them to kiss. Very nicely done. Good tension point. This was a really cute episode but nothing much happened.

In other news, the sound effects REALLY bother me in this show. It might have been in the running as a 10/10, except for those fucking sound effects.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 16 - I like how the majority of this show is just basically struggling with first love. It’s strangely sweet and innocent as a result. Frankly, right now, I need that - it’s comforting. It’s not exciting, but I can’t deny that thi is the highlight of the middle of my week.

Peem to Phum = use your words. Phum = SMOOCH. 

Bet you all heard this one coming: NO SINGING. 

Note: Satang (Toey) is a fantastic actor. I love the way he changes the physicality of his body for his roles. In this part, he’s kind of loose-limbed and floppy. He doesn't look younger but the way he inhabits his body does.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - GeminiForth (AKA G4) are back and glory-be they showed up on YouTube. Still I’m worried it won’t stay there after the Cherry Magic debacle. So I stayed up late that night to gank it. 

Back to the show.

One of the things I’ve always loved about this IP, is how genuine and decent and earnest all of the kids are. They’re all trying so hard not to hurt each other's feelings. It’s all just a terrible case of miscommunication. G4 are perfect casting for these roles. That said, I have the same challenges with this version as I did with the JBL - it’s a bit frenetic and can be clownishly too MUCH for me. 

Meanwhile, the he feeds strays trope has popped up again. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Trash watch here. MAME warning! I found it rather lacklustre and inoffensive but still managed to invent dildo smores.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 12 - Honestly? I’m kind of enjoying watching the friendships develop between the housemates. Of course I know they’re probably gonna all end up sleeping together, but right now the communal easy-going companionship and teasing is the most fun. Other than that, this is an unremarkable Thai BL pulp with better than normal acting and consistency (for a pulp).

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Moo is the clinginess boyfriend in the entire universe. The thing I think I love best about this couple, and the show, is what great communicators they are. That said they are not great actors. I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t expect great acting from my Thai BL, but it’s a little rough going sometimes with this pair.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - It’s taken me a long time, but I finally realized what I dislike about this show. It’s the pacing. Or rather, the lack of it. And I’m not saying that the pacing is necessarily off, in fact this is a typical JBL thing. But for some reason, in this show, I find it particularly annoying.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - Honestly, this was a perfectly fine little friends to lovers BL, with better than average kissing from Korea. But for some reason it never really hit for me. The very end was extremely odd. A bit of a disappointment for a longer piece from Strongberry. I think they tried to be too classically BL and that is just not their strength-berry. Strongberry is better when they explore something a little edgy, or a little outside the box. 7/10

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - also I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

You Made My Day (Thai YT) - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard. Apparently it's cute but basically a 10 min advert.

KWill To Reunite With Seo In Guk, Ahn Jae Hyun in Comeback! For those who don't know the MV for his song Please Don't is a heavy hitting shock tactic BL adjacent piece featuring major Korean actors. (The closest we are likely to ever get.) Look it was a BIG DEAL at the time. Kinda like Kpop's Broke Back Mountain moment. More here:

I don't often report on the Kpop scene but this is very interesting.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - Star Hunter + MosBank on iQIYI for 12 weeks? If nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Flipping stellar side couple Wandee, thank you.

Love the mains too of course.

This is that funny little unnamed (muli-named) BL/GL something from Korea that's happening on YouTube right now. It's cute! I guess it's falling under the moniker Fake Buddies.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[chaifootsteps]

Someone in TADC pilot comment section said that in just the first minute the show introduces the world, the characters and hints to the main conflict/problem of the show. And holy shit, they are so right and realizing that made my respect for Goose as a storyteller rise so much.

Hazbin should take some notes, because with it's Schrödinger's pilot situation and general poor structuring of S1 story, I can only imagine how confusing the show can appear to new fans (who got into HH when it aired on Prime and most likely didn't watch the pilot and the streams), even after watching the entire season.

And the crazy thing, the Hazbin pilot does a better job of introducing the worlds, the characters, and the conflict than anything HH/HB has done before or since. Also, it's heartwrenching in a way that holds up even today.

Almost like Viv shouldn't have abused her writers. Then maybe she could have had something almost as good as TADC.

[alpaca-clouds]

Neurodiversity from an Evolutionary Perspective

I spoke yesterday about how neurodiversity is a bit of Schrödinger's Disability today. We neurodiverse people get all the backlash of being diabled, and all the discrimination, but we rarely get disability benefits of any sort.

But today I want to talk about something else: Evolutionarily speaking most neurodiverse people are not disabled. Our disability stems entirely from the fact that we just do not function in a 9-5 capitalist hellscape.

Just look at it from the perspective that our species actually evolved to gather and hunt - and maybe also cultivate some stuff. (Given how long ago we did that, you could argue that this also shows in our genes.)

See, by now a lot of specialists think, that both autism and ADHD are very underdiagnosed, because even within the field a lot of people are looking for a certain, stereotypic way for the neurodiversity to show. With modern diagnostic criteria there is a good chance that about 5% of all people have ADHD and/or autism. Which is... a lot.

But the thing is that it actually makes a lot of sense. Because evolutionarily it would totally have been an advantage.

Let me talk about something we did at university yesterday. We got a lot of random shapes on a picture and we were supposed to find the T and the X between these shapes. Something I could do within less than a second, while three of my fellow students were unable to find the T (which was rotated) at all. Because my brain processes visual information completely differently.

And this... is evolutionarily an advantage, right? Just imagine being a hunter-gatherer and going through the forest or the savanna. And now you have someone among you, who is able to see a prey animal instantly, because of how they process visual information. Or who realizes them being stalked by a predator. Or them finding fruits and other things.

Neurodiverse people are also very capable of having a very different approach to problem solving. Which again would have a small tribe easier survive. Doubly so with the hyperfocus that neurodiverse people can have. Which totally is an evolutionary advantage for a group to have. Who knows. Maybe the first person to make fire was a neurodiverse person hyperfocusing on this task.

Also, there is the very common believe that people with ADHD specifically were probably very well adapt at hunting for several reasons.

So, yeah. This is so very common, because evolutionarily it was an advantage. From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense that it is so very common.

You have to remember: Modern Homo Sapiens as a species is around 160 000 years old. We settled down sometime between 10 000 and 15 000 years ago. So, just from an evolutionary perspective us having settled down is a very, very new thing. And not to mention, that the modern working culture has been around for not even quite 100 years. Office jobs have been a thing for even less.

And I can tell you: If you leave me out and about outside. I am good. Like, give me some nature observatory duty or something, putting up trail cams, what not. I am good. I can work for 12 hours straight (because hyperfocus). But sit me in the office for just 6 hours, and you will have me crawling up the walls, because that is just not what my brain does.

Ideally I am gonna need a job, that involves a lot of research and going outside. Which is why I hope to either go into Digital Humanities or the Environmental Geoinformatics. Because that is stuff I work well with.

If you gotta put me in an office job, you might as well shoot me right. Because my brain just doed not work like that.

[sciencewife]

I thought I’d start making references for Schrödinger’s Cave, my beloved Portal AU longfic, to show readers what everyone looks like (and provide handy references for anyone who wants to draw fanart for my fic). Who better to start with than the fic’s namesake, Cave Johnson, or SC Johnson for short.

There are more after this one I plan to do, so stay tuned for those, it’s just this one took me foreverrrrrr to draw (I freehanded the whole thing and didn’t use a sketch layer 💀). But I hope to get ones done for Caroline, Doug, and other characters. Maybe even the mantis men!

I’m working two jobs again, so who knows how long that’ll take. But maybe I’ll post the full set when I’m done! In the meantime, look at this old man.

[sunlightmurdock]

My Future in You | 2.0 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader au

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Synopsis: Bradley’s twenty-two years old and not where he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be out of the academy by now. Instead, he’s retaking his senior year of college and praying to god that he gets into flight school. Mav’s gone, his mom’s gone. He’s mad at the world. Then, a hook up at a Halloween party changes his future even more than he could have imagined.

Warnings: accidental pregnancy, references to abortion in a few chapters, angst, will be fluff eventually, will be smut so 18+, enemies to lovers kinda thing, time jump of a month and a half / two months

…

“Your sister is fucking insane.” Bradley grunts.

“Shut up and just lift your end,” Jake demands, straying under the weight of lifting his end of the couch. A soft sigh and the two of them lift again, hoisting more than their combined body weight’s worth of sectional sofa. “And she wasn’t crazy until you got her pregnant.”

“I can hear you!” You call back from the small kitchen. Sitting cross-legged on the black and white diamond shaped tile, surrounded by boxes and new plates and bubble wrap. Your system for unpacking is fool-proof and they’ll just get in the way if they try to help. That’s why you’ve had them rearrange the layout of the living room three times already.

There isn’t too much left in your life that you have control over these days. Graduating two years early, at the top of your class, and the only people there to be proud of you were your big brother and the guy who got you pregnant. Delaying your grad job, which you worked your ass off to get, until after you’ve given birth. Finding out you had been approved to switch to their Florida office in an email from your father’s secretary.

Moving to a place you’ve never been before, with a guy you didn’t even like up until recently. Carrying a child that’ll probably never have a name because you and Bradley barely agree on anything. Knowing that Jake, your only constant through this entire ordeal, is shipping off to basic training in a day and a half.

Everything’s hurtling forwards, you can practically hear the time rushing by like wind in your ears. Dragged along with it, no choice but to keep up, there’s a voice in your head that keeps telling you it’s okay to be scared. You just aren’t sure if it’s okay to be this scared.

He’s moving around more and more these days, growing stronger and bigger. His kicks are no longer butterflies in your tummy, but now pinpointed and real, which is terrifying in itself. More recently, you’ve been wondering if he can feel how afraid you are. You don’t want him to worry.

By hell or high water, you’re going to give this little boy all the love that you’ve got. Afraid or not, he needs you and you’ll keep going for him. Being good for him is just about all you can manage. That, and unpacking the way that you need to.

Setting the plates in a cabinet, stacking bowls, glasses in an overhead cupboard. Ignoring Jake and Bradley’s bickering to the best of your ability.

Florida’s even hotter than you were expecting. It’s the last day of May and the air conditioning isn’t getting fixed until tomorrow. Home is no longer an upstairs apartment or a cramped room on the first floor of a fraternity. It’s now an almost two bedroom downstairs unit on a quiet, residential street in west Pensacola.

Living room with fireplace, fully equipped kitchen with new stove and refrigerator. Dark brown, LVP floors and new paint throughout. You have your own Lanai and storage outside unit. Also includes washer and dryer. This northeast location is tucked away in a private dead end street but has easy access to the new University shopping area. It’s nice for a first place. The bedroom is a decent size, and the spare room will work as a nursery, even if its intended purpose was an office.

Your relationship with Bradley has turned into a type of Schrödinger problem. Neither together nor apart. Sharing a room, preparing to share a life, with little more in common than the future you roped him into. He seems excited now. He’s jealous that you can feel the baby and that he can’t. He’s looking forward to meeting his son.

But, as you turn your head and look through the archway, towards him wiping sweat from his brow in the living room, guilt surges through you. Wearing gym shorts and a backwards cap, those stupid roman numerals tattooed on his bicep as he sighs softly and leans his head back, he looks so young.

You’re younger, but this decision was yours. You wonder if he would choose this if he got to do it all over again. Certainly not. All those years of carefree fun, getting to be himself finally, figuring out who he is. Now, those years belong to your son. Swallowing softly, you turn your attention back to the only thing that you can control.

Arranging spices in the rack hung over the stove.

The afternoon hurtles by just as quickly as all of the other days have recently. The routine is the same. Jake takes the couch, glad that Bradley sprung for the corner sectional that’s just about as good as sleeping on the mattress. After a day of not really talking, Bradley slips into bed beside you.

It’s never awkward, but it probably should be. Sharing all of this. A lease, a child, a future, with someone that isn’t even really yours.

“Man, I am fucking exhausted.” Bradley mumbles as his head hits the pillow, exhaling slowly into the comfort of this new space. Your first night in your new home with him. So, you connect with him in just about the only way you ever have.

Even with this protruding, exceedingly rounded stomach, somehow he still wants to fuck you at every opportunity he gets. Looking in the mirror these days is getting harder. It’s not that you have an issue with the way you look now, you think the bump is actually kind of cute. It’s just that you don’t look anything like you used to, and you’re starting to wonder if you’ll ever be that girl again.

Running your fingers through his curls, you lean over and kiss his temple softly. He hums at the feeling, reaching out and resting his hand on your hip. He turns his head and waits for you to kiss him without opening his eyes. You press your lips softly to his, his fingers curling softly to press into the fabric of your shorts. You ask gently, lips grazing his, “Too tired?”

His lips tilt up into a soft smile as he runs his fingers along the waistband of your bottoms, brown eyes flickering up to meet yours, “Never been too tired for sex.”

Turning the two of you over, he settles between your legs, working his talented mouth along all the exposed skin that he can reach.

Curling his fingers into your roots, he moans softly into the curve of your jaw, pressing delicate kisses along your throat. Part of these past few weeks has been learning your cues, your sweet spots and your sensitivities. He’s getting good at it. It’s right as you hum and lift your hips eagerly against his that there’s a sharp jolt, a soft, dull pain as the impact hits your mid-section.

Bradley sits back quickly on his knees.

You groan in complaint, rubbing over the sore spot at the top of your developing bump. It’s only once you lean your head back to sigh in complaint that you clock the look on his face. Eyes blown wide, lips parted, staring at you like you just grew a second head.

Over the past few weeks, the little guy has been getting more and more active. Wriggling around a lot, you’ve been feeling him almost constantly the past few days. It has been ridiculously frustrating, suffering in silence, Bradley constantly frowning and telling you that he can’t feel anything. The realization comes quickly.

“Was that him?” Bradley breathes out softly, brows scrunching together.

You push yourself up on your elbows, lips quirking softly. The pregnancy websites said that Bradley should have been able to feel the kicks about a week ago, you were getting worried. Bradley reaches out again and tenderly rests his hands against the bottom of your rounded stomach.

The two of you wait patiently for it to happen again, Bradley’s lips falling into a disappointed frown as your baby stops kicking. He sighs, moving to lie down beside you and smoothing his hand over the top of your stomach as he kisses your cheek.

“I’m jealous that you get to feel him all the time, moving around in there,” He mumbles, shaking his head softly. “It’s like you’ve met him already and I have to wait three more months.”

You scoff, settling down onto the sheets that you had picked out, staring at the white ceiling, “I don’t think you’d be as jealous if he was kicking your bladder like he kicks mine.”

“Probably no—“ As Bradley speaks, your lips part, jolted by another soft kick. He raises his eyebrows as you grab one of his hands and place it over your stomach. Nothing again. He furrows his brows slightly, glancing up at you expectantly.

“Say something.” You prod him.

“Um… like what? — I don’t know what to say to a —“ His sentence stops abruptly, jaw hanging open as he feels a small but unmistakable kick against his palm. “Holy shit, that’s what you’ve been feel— He did it again!”

You giggle, resting your hand on top of Bradley’s as he beams at you, “I think he likes your voice.”

His eyes widen slightly, making him look even younger than he is. It’s hard to tell whether it’s excitement or fear on his face to begin with. He leans down and presses lips to your stomach.

“I am so,” he stops, kissing your skin tenderly again, hands cradling your growing bump. “So excited to meet you, little man.”

Your heart feels like it just about splits into two and you aren’t even sure why. It’s supposed to be a happy moment. You should be happy about this. Bradley feels a slight hiccup and glances up. Your eyes are filled with tears, stinging and threatening to spill out onto your cheeks.

“Hey,” Bradley says softly as he shifts up the bed and wraps his arms around you. “Hey… it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

You swallow, trying to hold in a sob that consumes your chest and strangles your vocal chords. Sniffling, you rest your head against his shoulder. “Do you wish that we weren’t having him?”

His brows scrunch together as he tries to piece together what about that interaction could have possibly given you that impression.

“Of course not! — Where’s this coming from?” He frowns, resting his cheek against the top of your head as he smooths his fingers along your back. You’re in your third trimester now, and the pregnancy websites said that your hormones might be kind of out of whack. But you got through graduation without a hitch.

It’s as the thought crosses his mind that you break in his arms. Hunching forwards, sobbing into your hands, covering your mouth so that Jake won’t hear you crying from the living room.

“Hey… did — did I say something wrong?” Bradley asks gently, face creasing in concern. He kisses your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I—“

You sniffle and shake your head. “Don’t say sorry. Please.”

“…Okay,” He smooths his palm tenderly along your spine once again, now totally lost. “Babe, I think you’re gonna have to spell it out for me here. What should I do?”

It’s not fair on him, any of this. You pull yourself together long enough to wipe your tear-stained cheeks and string together a sentence. “Just… if we could go back and do it all again, would you… do it like this?”

“I’d probably have suggested a plan B or something.”

You look up, eyes filled with tears, throat burning.

“I’m sorry, bad time for a joke,” He shakes his head quickly and kisses your forehead. “Look, we both know that this wasn’t planned. But it happened, it’s happening — and no, I don’t regret being here with you.”

You allow yourself to sink into his arms as he kisses the top of your head and squeezes you softly.

“Is everything okay with you?” His fingers graze along the nape of your neck and over your shoulder softly. “You’ve not really said a lot to me since graduation.”

He smooths his hand over your stomach, feeling another soft kick against his palm. It’s almost midnight now, he hopes that this kid isn’t going to be this much of a night owl once it’s born.

“Everything’s just moving really fast.” You say quietly as you settle back down onto your side. Bradley copies, laying on his side so that he’s facing you, his stomach pressed to yours. He nods slowly. “Jake’s leaving, and you’re starting work, and my parents still won’t talk to me. The baby doesn’t even have a name. I’m just scared.”

He leans forwards and kisses your mouth softly. “We’ll figure it out.”

A dry laugh escapes your lips, it’s a helpless thing, really. You wipe the tears from your cheeks and shake your head slowly, “How are you so chilled out about this?”

“I’m not,” He promises, voice quiet, something in the way that he looks at you so earnestly makes you soften. “I’m scared too. But we’ll figure it out.”

A silence lingers between the two of you. No more tears, no more lump in your throat, your heart rate slowing enough that you think you might actually manage to sleep tonight. Bradley leans forwards and kisses your cheek, then flicks off the bedside lamp.

You turn onto your other side and he presses himself into your back, wrapping an arm around you and resting it against your stomach. He’s been sleeping like this for the past week straight. It always settles his racing mind. Having both of you in his arms.

He’s warm. Lips press gently to your neck and he hums softly into the curve of your neck.

You exhale softly, shuffling back against his bare chest. This feels awfully grown up. Seven months pregnant, laying skin to skin, in your new shared home.

The next morning, it’s time to drive Jake to the airport. Basic training is three months long. The next time he sees you, you’ll be a mother.

“I love you,” He says softly, wrapping his arms around you. Your stomach bumps into his as you hug him. He’s still getting used to that. “I’m gonna be back before you know it.”

“I know, I know,” You breathe out, squeezing him tighter and then patting his back as you let go. “Just be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.”

…

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Jake chuckles, giving a quick shrug as he picks his bag up from the floor and slings it over his shoulder. His attention turns to Bradley. “Take care of my sister, Bradshaw.”

“Always.” Bradley answers. You turn your head and scrunch your brows slightly as you look up at him. He drapes an arm around your shoulder and offers Jake a sincere smile.

As Jake turns and heads towards his gate, the two of you are left together. Him still leaning into your side. Always. You stare at him. Flushed skin, wearing a faded grateful dead t-shirt and blue jeans, smiling at you.

Just you and him. Alone, in a new state. Him swearing always and you staying up at night and wondering if there’s even a tomorrow between the two of you.

Ten weeks left until your due date.

…