#scene; chasing unicorns

[apollos-boyfriend]

for those of u who enjoyed pony house (pouse?) here’s him getting yelled at by pony chase

[dollyfiles]

how sweetheart!reader and single!dad!rafe met

sweetheart!reader mlist

cw: fluff, mutual pining, readers childhood trauma

it was late afternoon when rafe walked into rosie's diner, the neon signs buzzing softly in the window as the sun dipped low behind the buildings. he had his daughter lizzie cradled on one hip—her tiny arms crossed tightly, her little face scrunched into the saddest pout rafe had ever seen.

her favorite glitter dress, the one she wore every chance she got, had torn earlier that day when she tripped while chasing butterflies in the park. the rip wasn't even that bad, but to a four-year-old, it may as well have been the end of the world.

rafe had definitely faced tougher days—stressful meetings, custody battles, even the lonely ache of single fatherhood—but somehow, nothing compared to the heartbreak of his four-year-old daughter sitting across from him in a diner booth, blinking away fat tears over a torn glitter dress.

he had tried everything. promise of a new dress, a bigger one, a more colorful one, even offered to let her choose two. but nothing seemed to make it better. lizzie sat with her arms crossed tightly over her chest, lower lip pushed out and trembling. her little unicorn purse was tossed beside her like it had betrayed her.

rafe rubbed the back of his neck, trying again. "sweetie, i promise we'll find another glittery dress. maybe an even shinier one. how about that?" lizzie sniffled and looked away. "it wasn't just a dress," she muttered. "it was the one."

he sighed and leaned back against the booth, running a hand down his face. he loved this little girl with every part of him, but he never quite figured out how to fix the kind of heartbreak only a glitter dress could cause.

rafe looked around the diner, trying to distract himself from the weight pressing on his chest. the place had an old-school charm—checkered floors, soft golden lighting, a jukebox in the corner humming faintly. cozy, familiar. it was supposed to help. but right now, all he could see was his daughter’s tear-streaked cheeks.

and then you appeared.

sweetheart.

you moved through the diner like you belonged in another era—red lipstick, soft curls tucked behind one ear, a notepad in hand and an expression that warmed the air around you. you took one look at lizzie and didn't say a word about the tears or the pout. instead, you crouched down to eye level, resting your elbows lightly on the edge of the table.

you had seen a lot of pouts and tantrums during your shifts at rosie’s, but there was something about this little girl—sitting there, silently mourning her torn dress—that tugged at something deep in your chest. it reminded you of yourself.

you remembered being small, wishing someone would notice when your world cracked a little. but no one had, not back then. so now, when you saw that kind of sadness in a child, it became your mission to fix it, even if just for a moment.

you analyzed the little gorl for a hit before speaking, your voice soft. “well hey there, pretty girl,” you said, tilting your head to meet lizzie’s eye. "looks like someone could use a little magic today." lizzie peeked at you with red-rimmed eyes and gave a silent nod.

and yet your smile didn’t waver. “you know, i have a secret weapon for days like this. pancakes. but not just any pancakes—they’re probably the best ones in town.” lizzie didn't answer at first, but a tiny spark of interest flickered behind her wet lashes.

rafe blinked, watching the scene unfold like it was something out of a dream. his daughter didn’t usually warm up to strangers. but lizzie was listening. her pout was still there, but her eyes weren’t as glassy.

"aaand," you leaned in with a whisper, "i’ll even ask the kitchen to give your pancake extra sparkles. but shhh, don't tell anyone. it’s only for the bravest girls." lizzie gave the tiniest smile. it was small—barely a shift—but rafe noticed it immediately. and he felt something in his chest loosen. he cleared his throat. “that, uh… that actually sounds pretty good. for both of us.”

you straightened, your doe eyes meeting rafe’s blue ones for the first time and he could feel it. there was something about the way you handled the moment—gentle but not patronizing, playful without being pushy. you chuckled and scribbled on your notepad. "coming right up!”

as you walked away, rafe couldn’t stop watching you. he should’ve been focusing on lizzie, on patching up the day—but for a moment, he let himself just look. at the way you gently teased a smile out of a stranger’s kid. at the quiet strength in your posture. at the way you moved like you had learned to carry yourself with pride, even if it hadn’t always been easy.

there was something about you that felt safe, and he wasn’t sure why that thought unsettled him as much as it comforted him.

you busied yourself behind the counter, assembling the plate of freshly baked pancakes in your special way. it was silly, really. but you took extra care with this one—extra whipped cream, adjusting the blueberries and strawberry slices and adding some of your secret sprinkles and glitter, the ones u always hid in the corner of the counter.

you didn’t know their story. but you didn’t have to. that man—he looked like he hadn’t had a break in a long time. and that little girl? she had that kind of sadness that you wanted to fix so damn bad.

when you returned and placed the plate down in front of lizzie, the little girl gasped, eyes wide as saucers. “he’s got a whipped cream mustache!” she squealed.

there it is, you thought. the first smile of the day.

it was always like that. fixing sadness, especially in little ones, felt like stitching something back together. no one had ever done that for you when you were small—when you cried yourself to sleep in a cluttered room, pretending not to hear your parents fight in the next one.

no one had ever knelt down and made you feel like your sadness mattered. so now, when you saw a tear-streaked child, your heart instinctively moved toward them. you couldn’t not care. it was built into you.

rafe’s head tilted in disbelief at his daughters sudden change of heart. that sound—his daughter’s laugh—was like oxygen. he looked up at you, awe and gratitude written all over his face. “you’re magic,” he said, half-joking but entirely serious.

you just smiled, your cheeks dusting with pink. “not at all,” you replied. “just pancakes.” but something shifted between the two of you in that moment.

the man hadn’t said much. just sat there for most of the time, trying so hard to hold it together, trying even harder to soothe a little heartbreak that he couldn’t quite fix with words or promises. you could see the wear on him. the way his shoulders slumped just slightly, like he carried a hundred things that no one ever asked about.

the tiredness around his eyes wasn’t just from a long day—it was something deeper. a man who was used to pushing through. a man who had probably stopped letting himself want anything just for him a long time ago.

but he was still here. still showing up. still kneeling beside a tiny, brokenhearted girl and offering kisses and soft-spoken comfort. that kind of love—it wasn’t flashy. it was quiet, steady, constant.

and god… it made your heart ache in the best way. because you never had that. no father who bent down and kissed your scraped knees. no one who promised to make it better, even when they didn’t know how.

watching him love his daughter like that—without hesitation, without pride, just pure devotion—it stirred something in you. something admiring. something tender. he was trying. and you admired the hell out of that.

you turned to tend to other tables, but rafe’s eyes followed you, unable to look away. you felt yourself blush under the weight of his gaze, but you didn’t waver. instead, you offered him a small, knowing smile—the kind that said: i see you. you’re doing better than you think.

and from that day on, rafe and lizzie became regulars at the diner. maybe it was the pancakes. maybe it was the way lizzie would always ask, “is the pretty lady here today?”

or maybe it was because rafe—despite himself—wanted to keep seeing you, the woman with the cherry-red lipstick and a heart that seemed to understand the language of both children and tired men.

and deep down he knew it was never just about the pancakes. it was about the way you made the world feel a little gentler. a little warmer. a little more like home.

tags: @inbred-eater @dearapril @rafecami @isasweetie @beausling @rafesheaven @rafesbowbunny @rafesangelita @drewsephrry @rafessecret @littlelamy @sturn777 @bradshawed @cherrygirlfriend @trusweethrt @inspiredangel @whinyangel @et6rnalsun @luckycrys @bluemerakis @rafeysbangs @drewstarkeyswife0 @rebeccapineapple @f4dedtouch

[bilbob963]

Hi me again, i just wanna talk about 4 things thats been hanging about well 2 things an 2 theories, ok…

1. The Suggestion box

How the f**k do the guys reach it? 🤣🤣🤣

2. Gangles mask…

Ok, im just wondering if this new mask represents alot of emotions she cant control that makes her overwhelmed, thats why shes calm with her crying mask and use to her happy mask being broken because basically its a routine shes so use too. Shes use to dealing with one emotion at time but to feel several at once can be distressing.

I also think that the mask represents her being out of her comfort zone and being round the wrong people isn’t a good mix like jax and Ragathas complaints towards her, kinda wants to make you hide away again a revert back to being invisible. Thank god for Zooble and pomni being a friend, mask or no mask…

I also clicked on about the beginning lessons like episode 2 being the glitching cubes and episode 3 being them holding their breath, well Ragatha showed Gangle how to throw a ball in the beginning… at the end after gangle leaves the restaurant, she uses the same technique to throw her mask 😊

Ok now theories…

3. The unicorn horn scene

Right we know gooseworx has joked about this for months and it actually turned out to be part of the show.

Gooseworx also joked about Jax having sex with an airplane at the same time as the unicorn joke sooo….

Hear me out, could this be the sex joke were gonna hear episode 6 (Jaxs episode?)

4. Jaxs episode

Ok, we saw this image before episode two but we saw alot of images that didn’t happen till 3 and 4 and some that we are yet to see… Now, what i just want to suggest, what if this is Jaxs episode?

Maybe Caine sends them back there to help with the damage fudge caused thanks to Jax (a punishment for him) but the candy citizens recognise him and declare war which is why hes being chased in this.

Pomni just panicked and ran since she was stood next to him. It could also explain how she gets stuck with him alone since she has done everyone…

Ok I’m done now, just wanted to share my thoughts. I have got a pic in mind i want to draw so will be doing that at some point this week 😁

[cherryheairt]

Rewatching The Last Unicorn (OG Targ queen), the Unicorn's voice and appearance fits Daenys so so well. One scene in particular struck me. Just a drabble in the form of a scene quote. Excluding the part where Prince Lir sang to her, that gave me an ick. He didn't know her and was confessed his love to her just for her grace and looks, when she was struggling with life and death over there in her own head

Daenys walked out from her chambers, disoriented. Misty dreams plagued her sleep, leaving her to wake confused and with a muddled mind. Out on the balcony in front of it, she clutched onto the iron railing and overlooked Dragonstone's beaches. The sight grounded her, telling her where she was.

Cregan walked up the tower's steps, practicing his words to her as he did, thinking her to be fast asleel already. He would tell her his feelings on the day's council meeting in the morrow, as they always discussed matters privately afterwards to debrief.

The sight of silver hair reflected off the moonlight stopped him. Daenys wasn't asleep after all, her back faced him as she stood in loose hair and a lilac shift.

"Daenys?" Cregan asked, approaching carefully from behind and announcing his presence gently.

She turned, narrowing her eyes slightly at the man. "Who are you?"

The question turned in Cregan's mind, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It was only hours ago that they had supped together in Dragonstone's great hall with her own family. "Who am I? I am Cregan, my Lady. Don't you know me?"

"Cregan? Lord Stark?" She murmured, the name familiar but distant in her mind. In her deep purple hues, Cregan could see how her mind was still half-lost in its dreams.

"You were dreaming, my Lady." He assured, taking her hand tenderly in his own. She did not glance at it, looking over his shoulder to the sea again.

"But I am always dreaming. Even when I am awake." She clutched her shift tight to her arms, hugging herself in the chilly night. "It is never finished."

Cregan tilted his head slightly down at her, taking her into his embrace.

She was despondent even to his warm touch, something that she had usually taken to unconsciously lean into. Daenys stepped back, eyes still distant and hazy. "I—I will not trouble you, my Lord." She muttered out, stepping away and towards her chamber doors.

"No, please. Trouble me, Princess. I wish you wanted something from me." Cregan insisted, hesitant on leaving her alone for the night, where her state worsened out of his control.

"Drown out my dreams." She spoke up, louder. "Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it." She squeezed her eyes shut, taking her hair between her fingers and absentmindedly tugging at it.

Cregan took her arms in both hands, bringing them down to waist level in a firm but gentle gripm "Princess, let me stay with you tonight. I cannot chase away your dreams, but I can be there when they plague your heart with horror and sorrow."

Daenys allowed herself to be held, leaning into his chest tiredly, both physically and mentally. She nodded wordlessly, allowing Cregan to lead her to her room and lie with her.

[4amarcanethoughts]

Jayvik Last Unicorn AU

I'm making this an actual post because I went off on one in the comments.

I haven't really got a full plot yet, but I was thinking of Jayce as Schmendrick but with more of a Prince Lir kind of love. Like the son of a blacksmithing family who saw/was saved by a unicorn (could even be unicorn Viktor). So devotes his life to chasing that feeling of seeing a unicorn again and experiencing magic. Ends up having some latent magic in him, but he's amateur at best.

Viktor, meanwhile, is the unicorn/Amalthea and learns he is the last of his kind. Naturally goes to seek them out because he has to help them if they're still out there. Somehow, he and Jayce meet. Fast forward to Sky as Molly Grue and the three of them travelling together.

They get to King Haggard's land, who in this case is Singed because of course he is. The infamous Red Bull scene happens and Viktor is turned human (saviour skin from LOL my beloved). He ends up falling for Jayce during the stay in King Singed's castle. Singed is actually using the power of unicorns to keep his daughter alive/trying to revive her.

I haven't thought about the ending so much, but it would probably end with a parting (angst) or Jayce returning to Viktor's forest with him once he's back to being a unicorn.

[artaxlivs]

My Masterlist of Steddie (Stranger Things) fics:

Which came first? The chicken or the scrambled egg? - Rated E - Wayne invites "Eddie's boyfriend" to join them for breakfast instead of hiding in Eddie's room. The problem is, Steve doesn't know Eddie's even gay

Bend & *Snap*: Rated E - Just Eddie trying to figure out how to flirt with the UPS guy and Gareth giving some banger advice (The podifc is here)

I Could Eat a Peach for Hours: Rated E - Just Eddie thirsting after Steve as he sticks things in his mouth. (The podfic is here)

HomeSteddie Farms: Rated T - Steve and Eddie had a farm and on this farm were a bunch of critters with awesome names.

End of the Beginning: Rated T - Eddie gets a do over and finds himself in the Upsidedown with Will. Can they save everyone this time?

Do You Hear What I Hear?: Rated T - Steve brings home a mogwai, Eddie's never been good with rules

Nobody's Baby: Rated E - Steddie Dirty Dancing AU Steve & Robin best friends, Eddie & Chrissy best friends, 80s movie campiness, light BDSM, traffic light system for dancing and sex.

Like a Mythical Virgin: Rated M - Eddie finds out the hard way that feral unicorns don't chase virgins for nice reasons (The podfic is here)

Let Me Be Your Man (i want to hold your hand): Rated E - Mike gets help from Steve with making a mixtape for Will. Eddie learns that there's an art to mixtapes. mike/steve bonding, laughter, fluff, little pining. (The podfic is here)

Destroy the Silence (Drummer Steve) - Rated E - Steve joins the band and Eddie discovers he has a thing for competent drummers, healthy bdsm communication, laughter, fluff & smut. (The podfic is here)

Off the Shelf - Rated E - Stripper Steve give Eddie a private show. Eddie discovers a new kink. Modern AU, basically porn with a smidge of plot.

Screw Todd, Steve's Her (His) Daddy Now - Rated E - Steve keeps calling himself Daddy "unintentionally" and Eddie's about to lose it, light bdsm, non verbal communication, daddy kink (or is it?)

The Second Worst Trip to Mordor Ever Taken - Rated T - Steve takes the boys & Eddie to Indy to a nerd store and flirts his way into trouble, Steddie, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings (Podfic is here)

Even Flowers Have Their Dangers (Series: No One Is Alone)- Rated E - What if the tunnels turned Steve & the kids into shapeshifting wolves? S4 rewrite and my own write up of S5 but with half the party as shapeshifters, smut, graphic imagery, battle scenes

There’s Something Wrong With Steve - Rated M - I’m not gonna tell you, Steddie, Suspense thriller, creep factor - 80s horror movie

Let the Music Play -Series - Rated T - The music that plays every time Steve gets Vecna’d, Stobin besties, Steddie pre relationship, hurt/comfort (Podfic)

An Accidental Flogging - Rated E - Steve has questions about Eddie’s kinks, Eddie would like to have answers but he’s actually a virgin, friends to lovers, Top Steve, accidental kink discovery, laughter, fluff, & smut

Drabbles that aren't full fics: Happy Summer, Steve's Thighs, i was afraid to follow, Personal Space, can you read the letter for me (Part two), Pillow Talk, Steddie First Kiss Challenge, Constellations, Artax is a New Horse, To Do List, Uptown Boy, Boyfriends Now,

[goofylilgremlin]

Sniff

Redrew a pressure oc

I don't have a name for him yet but he's a neat little guy

He has this room that's full of gas. In this gas he appears as a unicorn to you, you need to turn off the gas to get to the other room because it's kinda slowly killing you.

When you turn it off- he starts to freak the fuck out- which is where two things can happen.

A- you run and a chase scene happens.

B- you don't run and a cutscene plays. He basically like- 'wait you.... didn't run...you- think I'm pretty? Thanks...' and then he gives you something.

You also get a badge for A and B

A being called 'Im not ugly, please'

And B being 'you are a kind soul'

[unpopularvivian]

Ttte Halloween Headcanons: (1-12)

🎃How to Scare The Steam Team Without Traumatizing Them 🎃:

Thomas: Play extremely romantic or SPICY songs in his room, shed or any place where he normally hangs out in. He might joke about segg or romance and thinks it's funny but absolutely hates it when people start to become TOO comfortable with each other and start doing... Things that I can't name because I'm a minor. Baby by Justin Bieber would make him scream for Satan to take him out of his misery.

Edward: Second hardest person to scare in Halloween. One, he can surprisingly handle extremely dark topics. (I mean, he's a punk. What do you expect). Two, due to his insomnia giving him nightmares. Regular horror just seems like comedy to him. But, Edward does have one weakness: Sonrisas from Unicorn Wars. Has watched the film, loves it except for the parts where Sonrisas is in. In his words: Why the fuck does that orange bitch smiles in EVERY SCENE THAT HE'S IN??? A Sonrisas mask should do the trick.

Henry: Maybe dress up as Jason Voorhees and chase him around with an axe. Or cut some of his trees. (Although that last one would probably have you screaming your head off with an angry Henry ready to kick your ass)

Gordon: Get Bill and Ben roped in with your scheme and have them completely trash his room, shed or his express coaches! Gordon's face will be white as flour when he sees what you have done!

James: Fill his entire makeup collection with butter, nutella, egg yolk and anything else that is NOT makeup and put it back to her drawer. They will be screaming in less than 3 minutes when they're putting on their eyeshadow. Bonus points if you fuck up his clothes as well!

Percy: Number 1 hardest person to scare. Literally everybody has tried scaring him. But nothing seems to work on them! The only thing that would be closest to "scaring Percy" is Urbanspook. But even then, Percy looks more disgusted than frightened.

Toby: Literally any slasher movie, no matter how cheesy it is. Genuinely becomes horrified whenever a character dies even if they deserved it. His friends have no idea how easily spooked he can be. Not even Henry!

Duck: Just do anything that isn't the Great Western way. It's that easy.

Donald and Douglas: Throw a grim reaper costume onto a drone. Wait for the two to come and unleash the drone onto the two of them!!!! Chase them back to Scotland!!! To the moon!!!! To HEAVEN!!!!!!

Oliver: Send the mushiest Valentine's Day card to him. Go wild! Write it like you're simping for this man!!!!! (Unfortunately for Ollie, he is asexual)

Emily: Make the most disgusting Boba Tea with the most despicable ingredients that you can think of. Once you're done, just give it to her! Her reaction will be priceless.

[itsthesinbin]

Sins in Stardust [Chapter 8: Not in the Job Description] (Bill Cipher/Reader/Stanford Pines)

I like that Gravity Falls just has so much random bullshit that I can make silly "episodic" bonding chapters like this. It's a nice break from main plot stuff while also still forwarding the story via relationships.

Read the fic on AO3 here!

Reblogs and feedback appreciated- if you like it, reblog it!

-------------------------------

You and Bill settled into a little routine during that first week on the job. You went first, on the off chance some stragglers were around, and swept or mopped. Bill followed behind either dusting or picking up trash. He complained about how messy humans were, when they left soda cans or food packages around. You had to agree with him about those complaints. It was ridiculous how little people cared.

You were laughing at Bill, who had stepped in yet another discarded wad of gum and was losing his mind, when Soos found you guys. He couldn’t help but smile at the scene, even if he was still wary of Bill. The week he had been here had been tense, but considering the guy hadn’t ACTUALLY tried to kill anyone- or was caught slipping on the possible “faking amnesia” act- Soos decided to tentatively take things more at face value. Less waiting for the impact, so to speak. Just taking it slow and watching for signs of a storm.

“Havin’ fun, dudes?” You jumped at your boss’ voice, before giving him a wave. Despite the suspicions he had about you both, Soos had been the coolest boss you’ve had. He was friendly, lax, and willing to compromise. Bill still thought he was a moron, but started keeping those thoughts more to himself.

“NO,” the triangle screamed as he used a paper towel to wipe gum off of his foot. “You humans are DISGUSTING, leaving your bacteria-filled WADS on the FLOOR!” Soos did cringe, giving a little shudder at the idea.

“Gross. Well, you guys can get away from the gum for a bit! Need to get some raccoons outta the attic. I think they’re raccoons anyway. I kinda just see a bunch’a fur before they’re outta sight.” Soos motioned for you guys to follow him. He passed by a little closet, pulling out a bat for you. Bill got a hammer, since that was small enough for him to hold properly. He immediately took a swing at Soos’ kneecap. The big guy was more agile than you thought, thankfully, and dodged it. You threatened to thwack him with the bat when he raised the hammer to do it again.

Soos led you to the stairs up to the attic. He turned to you guys, Bill quickly hiding the hammer behind his back. He totally wasn’t gonna try and hit Soos in the leg. Absolutely not. He was a perfect little angel.

“I gotta finish cleanin’ the showroom since you guys are doin’ this. Dunno how many are up there, good luck,” he laughed. He left you two there, completely oblivious to how much neither of you wanted to do this.

“I really hope I don’t get rabies,” you grumbled, getting the bat ready. Bill snickered.

“Can’t be any worse than those gnomes. At least they can’t tie me up!” You sighed, already feeling exhausted. If it came down to it, you’d go get rabies shots after work. You had no idea if Bill needed rabies shots. Better to just keep him out of biting range.

You opened the attic door, realizing now that you had no idea how you were going to chase raccoons out in a way that mattered. This place sucked. Why couldn’t he just call animal control? Costs? Cheap ass.

You didn’t immediately see anything. No fur, no nesting material, nothing. Just some old beds and some posters stuck to the walls. Looks like some kids had stayed here- a boy and a girl, if gender stereotypes still rang true in this situation. The only thing that caught your eye were some weird stuffed animals with beards. Completely normal plushies like bears and unicorns, but had full beards. Little girls were into weird toys, so you didn’t think too much about it as you entered the attic fully.

Bill followed behind you, holding his hammer like you were holding your bat. You did a sweep around the room, even opening the mostly-empty closet. Bill peeked under the old, unused beds. Nothing in either spot. Bill groaned.

“This is stupid. Can we just tell him we didn’t see anything and take a lunch break? I want my leftover spaghetti.” You also wanted your spaghetti, honestly. You also didn’t want to fight fucking raccoons over minimum wage. You leaned on the bat like a cane, sighing.

“Yeah okay. I also want spaghetti.” “Can I keep the hammer?” You gave him a sideways glance, not even bothering to answer. He’d keep it no matter what you said. You just shook your head and started to leave.

Then you both heard something move behind you. After the gnome incident, you both were on high alert to sudden noises.

You whipped around, but didn’t see anything. You looked up at the roof, just in case. It was only the ceiling above you. Nothing suspicious.

“You heard that too, right?” you asked, looking around slowly. Bill agreed that he did. He was quiet for a second, before pointing to a stuffed unicorn.

“Didn’t that thing have a beard?” Your eyes snapped to it. Your shoulders drooped. Then you spotted movement. Something shuffled out from under the bed, before jumping at you like a facehugger.

“THIS TOWN FUCKING SUCKS,” you screamed, swinging as hard as you could with the bat. It hit with a sharp crack, sending the creature through the window. You flinched as the glass shattered. You panted, looking down at Bill. He gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up. Then you both heard more skittering.

When you turned back, you couldn’t stop the creature from flying at your face this time. It latched onto your face and you were knocked onto your back. Bill jumped back, raising the hammer out of instinct. But then he remembered your face was under it. You wouldn’t make a deal with the guy who bashed your teeth in and COULDN’T fix it. Damn. He dropped the hammer and tried to pry the creature off, but it was stuck fast.

You stopped struggling after a minute, instead just laying there wheezing. Eventually you sat up. The creature was still now, looking exactly like a lumberjack’s beard. Bill was silent as you stared at him in horror. He didn’t know if it was because he almost made room for dentures, or because there was a sentient beard attached to your face now.

Bill started cackling. He was laughing so hard he fell to his knees, tears squeezing from the corners of his eye. You pulled at the beard, but the creature wouldn’t budge.

“You l- holy FUCK- look great-! You should keep- you should keep it,” he wheezed out between laughs. You grabbed him by the bowtie, catching him off guard. His hammer fell from his hand with a clatter. Another beard flew at you, so you did the only thing that was appropriate now.

Bill yelled as the flying beard latched onto him. You dropped the demon and watched the struggle, picking up your bat and standing. Your new friend made your face itch. You scratched at your face as you waited.

He finally stopped fighting with the creature, standing up. It was your turn to cackle. The beard creature was as big as he was, almost, so he just looked like Cousin It with a top hat and bowtie. You coughed from how hard you inhaled, doubling over with the bat as support. Even under the beard, you knew he was turning red.

“QUIT LAUGHING BEFORE I TEAR YOUR VOCAL CHORDS OUT AND WEAR THEM, MEAT SACK,” he roared, voice going so low your ears rang. You would’ve been scared, if he wasn’t just covered in fur.

A few more beards appeared from their hiding spots, making you both stop. With Bill fully covered by one of their friends, they all began to advance on you. You stepped back and gripped your bat. The beard already attached to your face moved, covering your eyes. You screamed and tried to rip it off. Your bat clattered to the ground with a metallic thunk.

“BILL,” you yelled, panicked. Bill was also panicking, though you couldn’t see it. You heard the tell-tale snapping of him trying to use any power he may have. Then you heard the metal bat scrape against the floor. With a grunt of effort, you heard it clang against something. Bill had all but dropped it onto one of the beards that was on the floor.

You fell backwards, hitting the wall hard when you tripped over his discarded hammer. You heard small feet hurry to your front.

“I gotcha- FUCK OFF!” Another thwack, and a skittering noise in the opposite direction. Frantically, you began searching your pockets. You didn’t have many options, and doing this to your own face was stupid. You fished out your lighter. 

If you had a nickel for every creature you’ve set on fire to escape it, you’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it’s happened twice. 

Bill hit another one hard, and you heard a sickening crunch. You couldn’t help but balk. Crunch. How does a beard crunch?

“Do these things have fucking BONES?” Bill let out a startled, disbelieving laugh- both at your yell and the revelation.

“That makes this so much more FUN!” With all of his strength, Bill swung again and got a similar result. You cringed. Bill was good at holding them off, but you could tell he was getting tired. That bat was heavy, and not made for people his size.

You fumbled with the lighter, feeling with your other hand for part of the beard. You held the lighter to the creature. The smell of burning hair hit instantly, but the creature didn’t move at first. You grew worried that it wouldn’t matter. That your efforts were useless and you’d just be covered in gross, parasitic beards.

Then it screeched. It jolted away from your face, scurrying out of the busted window to get away from the fire- to put out the small fire that started on itself. You scratched at your face furiously, getting rid of the itch and the stray hairs that stuck to your face. Bill heaved and gave a much weaker hit to the ground to intimidate the creatures. One was dead on the ground. He looked back at you.

“Well, look at that! Fire DOES solve all your problems,” Bill laughed. You rolled your eyes and took the bat from him. You handed him the lighter so he could get his Cousin It cosplay off. Please don’t let him light the building on fire.

Giving Bill a break, you charged and swung at one of the creatures. The bat cracked off of it, and sent it rolling. It crawled out of the window with pained chirps. The other few beards were getting wary, especially with one of its own dead. The smell of burning hair seemed to set them off, as the one on Bill screeched and ran.

The last few decided to bail, hurrying after their injured comrades. You ran with them, following them to the window to make sure they actually left. Bill was behind you, climbing up to see them run as well. You two watched them break for the treeline. Both of you stood there, breathing heavily and covered in beard hair. You moved, sitting on the boy’s bed to catch your breath. Bill sat with you.

“Can we tell Soos we got rabies?” You looked down at him, exasperated. Bill kicked his feet, trying to hide how tired he was. You could see the slight slump to his form, the way one of his hands rubbed at the cracks on his body like they were sore. You frowned.

“We can sneak down to the kitchen and get the can of whipped cream to make it more believable,” he added, nudging you with his free elbow. You sighed, picking some hairs out of his bricks.

“Yeah okay,” you finally relented. He got a mischievous look in his eye as you both left. He was happy you finally went along with one of his schemes. He was also ecstatic to finally fuck with someone other than you. And you had to admit: after all the grief you’ve been through, a mindless prank sounded good.

You two took turns spraying whipped cream onto your faces, then went to find Mister Mystery himself. He was outside, looking at the broken window in confusion. You took the “sick and needs help” approach and began to shamble towards him.

“Boss,” you moaned to get his attention. Soos turned, his face dropping when he saw you covered in fur and, supposedly, frothy drool. “I don’t feel so good…”

He opened his mouth, but Bill had taken a different approach to you. He sprinted towards Soos like a bat out of hell, bright red and snarling. It made you break character as you let out a startled snort and began to laugh. Soos screamed like a little girl, foot coming out as soon as Bill got close. Directly into Bill’s eye. Deserved, honestly.

“MY EYE- THAT HURT YOU TUB OF LARD-” He fell over, wiping the whipped cream off and holding his eye. Soos stood there, sheepish and flustered. You wheezed, unable to stand up. Your ribs hurt.

“Attic’s clear-” you managed to get out. Soos caught on that it was a prank. The guy was good natured and couldn’t help but laugh along.

“Good job, dudes. And uh… Sorry about the eye, Bill.” “I WILL TWIST YOUR BONES IN THEIR SOCKETS-!” Soos stepped around him, smiling sheepishly. He patted you on the shoulder and thanked you guys, letting you take care of your now-injured companion.

Bill’s eye was bloodshot and the lids were beginning to swell. You got him on his feet, but he couldn’t see straight. You decided to put him on your shoulders for now.

“C’mon, let’s get some ice on that and eat our lunch,” you snickered. Bill groaned, dropping his upper half onto your head.

“This town fucking sucks,” came his muffled declaration. You hummed, partially agreeing. It was interesting, at least.

[stupid-raccoon]

Mkulia headcannons

• MK has forced Julia to play every single FNaF game known to man, official and fanmade, and watch the movie

• They sit in the parking lot at Walmart and people watch

• MK is an age regressor(2-4) and Julia is her CG 100000%

• While regressed, MK usually either wanders off, or stays in the same room as her at all times, no in between but she isnt too hyper usually, just walking off while Julia isnt looking

• For Julias birthday, MK thinks its the funniest thing in the world to take her to a restraunt and get all the waiters to sing happy birthday to her and make a scene

• Parents have yelled at them for laughing their asses off whenever a kid faceplants or runs into something and falls

• They ironically read bakudeku omegaverse and have never once taken it seriously, whenever theyre in an argument MK will quote one of them while laughing and Julia will drop the whole argument and leave the room

• MK has a concerning amount of yippee creatures in their room

• Just like how MK would quote the omegaverse, Julia would say Mary Kate in every sentence to piss her off

• Mk has binge watched Bluey and made Julia watch it with her while regressed, Julia tolerates it to an extent

• Mk thrives off of redbull, Julia has made a set time of when Mk gets cut off and how many shes allowed to drink per day since Mk has gotten up at 3AM to get her 9th redbull of the night

• They were both gacha kids and have shown each other their gacha yt channel they had when they were like 8 that somehow got over 300k subs

•Also I feel like Mk is asexual, I could NOT imagine her ever having sex

•Julia convinced Mk to get fake nails one time, after she tried using the bathroom, never again. She could not function with them

•Julia would get MK a carseat. I have almost the same body size as MK shes just like 4-5 inches shorter than me and if I can fit into one she can too

•On the topic of Mk being an age regressor. She would use pacifiers sometimes while shes not regressed just for stimming. She seems like the type of person to not give a fuck, the only reason she cared abt the unicorn was bc it was announced on international TV

•Bowie would help Julia make the carseat MKproof, it would be bite proof, and tight enouh to not strangle her but she cant wiggle free

•Why would MK have a carseat you might ask? Stealing, wreckless driving, they would have a huge ass car, maybe even a bus for the whole cast to go on road trips and MK would try to jump out the window off a dare Ripper or Chase said.

[numptypylon]

Downtime’s Up - Chapter 1

“I can tell people you had too much cider and went to bed?” Ezran offered. “If you don’t want to go back there.”

“I’m okay. You go back inside. I’ll join you guys, just give me a few minutes alone to… get Party-Callum fired back up.”

“Party-Callum doesn’t sound very fired up,” Ezran frowned. “I think Party-Callum is a myth, like two-horned unicorns. Have you met Party-Callum? I know I haven’t.”

“Party-Callum exists! Just… he’s a shy beastie, so you have to give him time, and he’ll come out.” Callum growled, like he had used to, when they’d been kids and he’d chased Ezran around pretending to be a banther. He wished he could have managed a less half-hearted attempt, but as it were, he sounded like a sad and forlorn banther who wasn’t currently feeling the fun murder-rage-chase.

Ezran’s arms locked tight around him, like they had back then too, during their childhood game. Ez had claimed banthers needed hugs too, that the growls were just friendly grumpy-noises, like Bait’s.

“I’m okay."

“I know,” Ezran said, not letting go of him. “Party-Callum needs a hug though, I can tell. He’s had no fun at his own party, which is sad, considering how very not-a-myth and in attendance at this party he totally is.”

Callum snorted, the sound muffled by Ezran’s thick curls. “He’s okay, too. And totally not-a-myth.”

Ezran nodded, stepping away. “Because it’s your birthday, you get to keep your illusions.”

Ezran disappeared back into the warm, golden light of the party.

Callum turned towards the distant, untouchable silver of the moon.

Read more of the FIRST chapter of S4-6 between-canon-scenes fic Downtime's Up on Ao3! I'm so excited to start posting this!

[raayllum]

also cause I'm not there yet in my 5x08 liveblog but because even just a whiff of "Callum gave Finnegrin the spell" made the fandom troll come running into my inbox to say otherwise, just wanna clear up a few things for peace of mind before we get there

The first is that I know it was the fandom troll because of the timing & presentation, not necessarily because the now deleted/blocked ask had the "Callum purposefully gave Finnegrin the wrong spell" take. While that was an indication to me that this was probably the fandom troll since they seem to take issue with my characterization of Callum in particular, perfectly smart reasonable people have also proposed that possibility of the spell ingredients being not entirely accurate as purposeful; it's not exclusive to crappy people by any measure.

With all that in mind, I want to discuss how I view the scene (and indeed how I think it's meant to be interpreted per a casual viewer reading) as well as why I think Callum giving Finnegrin a not word-for-word accurate actually kind of makes his choice more morally questionable, not less

So let's begin

1) I don't think the scene's intended takeaway is that Callum gave Finnegrin the wrong spell

I think Callum panicked, and he folded, and he would've told Finnegrin anything the pirate had asked for in that moment to try and spare Rayla's life. While TDP is an immensely detailed show in many ways (hell I have a tag dedicated to just those details), every scene still has to ultimately work for a casual viewer. I don't think this scene is any exception. One of the first things in the series that we learn is that humans took down the King of the Dragons with dark magic and it's a repeated fact throughout most of the first season, and into the third when we see the events that transpired exactly.

So when Finnegrin mentions it, we're probably going to remember that was a thing that happened and it involved Harrow and Viren, but we're probably not going to remember the specific ingredients. Therefore, like Finnegrin, most audience members are going to take Callum at his word, especially since throughout most of his conversation with Finnegrin, Callum is arguably far more honest than he needs to be (fessing up that he did dark magic at all, mentioning that he studies all the primals, that he did the spell to save a friend at all - which is exactly why Finnegrin sets him the hand cutting test to try and break him, etc). The scene - again, for the audience's benefit - even as Callum clarify for those that wouldn't remember why he was spouting things about dying breaths and unicorn horns, because again, I do think this is the Intended Takeaway:

Part of the reason I think Callum panicked (other than Jack de Sena's wonderful voice acting and uneven breaths) is because, if Callum was thinking clearly enough to withhold information purposefully, he could've considered 1) that Finnegrin is bluffing about threatening Rayla (Callum cannot see her or any of the others, so that could be the case) and 2) Finnegrin would have limited means to know that Callum was lying if Callum said exclusively the wrong ingredients and sent him on a wild goose chase. To give as much as he did accurately was dangerous (but we'll talk more about that in a second).

We also know from instances in the previous seasons and just the prior episode that Callum doesn't have all sky spells (ones that he can do whenever he wants basically) memorized either, and that it's not out of the realm of possibility that Viren would've fudged a little to Harrow about some components of the spell (such as emphasizing love and hatred) because he was actively trying to convince - somewhat guilt-trip and manipulate - Harrow into doing something didn't really want to do, but ultimately couldn't say no to.

However, one of the things that's the most fun meta is reading into things deeply, looking at various character interpretations, and seeing what we can find below the surface level / casual viewership read. Just because something may not be the 'intended takeaway' (which can already be hard to define) doesn't mean it's not a real possibility, especially if enough dots connect, and doesn't mean it's not worthwhile and or without merit.

So let's look at the scene from the assumption that Callum is giving Finnegrin a not totally accurate spell On Purpose - what does he omit, what does that tell us, and where does that leave us from a character standpoint?

2) Haha, jk, unless...?

First things first, let's look at what Callum says vs what Viren says

No, no, wait! A dying breath. Blood filled with hatred. And a unicorn horn. That's the dark magic you want.

In her final moments, I captured something that I hoped we could use later. It contains her dying breath. [...] Claudia captured a unicorn and brought me its horn. The dying breath. The unicorn's pure horn. There's one last component I need. The undying hatred of one who loved the victim. Your blood.

Now, even Viren's stance and the circumstances of the spell isn't entirely clear. We don't know if any dying breath would do, or if it had to be Sarai's (and had to go her killer, as opposed to someone else). We don't know if the spell requires the unicorn's horn to be 'pure' (I'm assuming not already corrupted somehow with dark magic) or if it would work regardless. And we don't know whether the hatred or love is more important, or just one, or if they're equally important. It's quite a list, after all.

Which is why I think in some ways Callum's lack of specificity actually makes what Callum told Finnegrin more dangerous, whether you read the minor omissions as intentional or not.

Cause think of it this way, you're a pirate lord and you want to kill your enemy. You heard from this mage kid that any dying breath would do. What's your next move going to be? You're probably going to murder a random member of your crew and collect the breath because you were never told it had to be your loved one's final breath (which would make the spell impossible).

So that's one murder down, bare minimum. Then you're going to either send people out or word that you're looking for a unicorn horn at a port where people already canonically smuggle dark magic supplies (Chasing Shadows, TDP reflection). This will either lead to you hiring people to eliminate one of the - it appears to be - few remaining unicorns that still exist to bring you the horn, or if you've put out a reward, multiple dark mages / mercenaries may try their hand at killing one and bringing the horn to you. That's probably 1-5 unicorn murders as a result, if the mages are working not in communication with each other and all vying for the reward. This is also assuming that none of the mercenaries or mages come back empty handed and get harmed or killed because of Finnegrin's anger at their failures.

You also might torment and torture someone else to get them to hate you before you drain them of blood / take their blood for the spell, again not realizing that 'love' has to be a facet of it. At best, that would maybe be what you do to the crew member before you kill them for their final breath.

Then, once he has all the ingredients (and he'd need some sort of incantation, because dark magic is a lot of steps and processes) there's two main avenues.

Either these all work and he successfully has his weapon of vengeance needed to kill Domina Profundis, because what was given was enough. This would mean Callum's actions led to about 2-3 successful murders of mostly innocent people and possibly more political upheaval at the death of another archdragon (the ocean would certainly be out of whack, but it's not clear how much, if any, political power Domina still holds).

It doesn't work and Finnegrin, stubborn as he is about control and loathe to admit he can't commandeer something (magic and wills included), figures that something went wrong and tries again, having to collect the ingredients all over again. Depending on how many times he'd try (I feel like maybe 2-3 max), this could put those murders up to maybe nine innocent individuals, assuming Finnegrin's worsening temper over his failures doesn't increase the tally.

Rattling off the accurate spell ingredients could've actually minimized the damage, because any of the specifics might've stopped Finnegrin in his tracks. If Finnegrin just needed hatred of one who loved the victim, he could've fulfilled that on his own with some of his own blood ("I loved that crab" and her definitely hates Domina Profundis). The one that could've entirely halted his plan is if the dying breath had to come from the victim, in which case the chance to avenge his beloved crab is long gone. Finnegrin could've heard the list of very specific ingredients, deduced that he would not be capable of carrying out the spell, and been on his merry way to use Rayla as revenge fish bait.

But by giving Finnegrin an 'imperfect' list, Callum made the pirate captain more likely to engage in the violence required to get there, without an actual textual guarantee to the audience that what was given wouldn't have worked, either (aka we have two ingredients list and without a third to tip the scales, it'll always be a technical 50-50, maybe 60-40 read in favour of Viren).

So where does that leave us?

With these two readings in mind, you have two options:

Callum is willing to sacrifice Domina Profundis', and a few unnamed innocent lives/creatures, to save Rayla and thereby gave Finnegrin a dangerous in its own way, if not more dangerous because of potential increased collateral damage, list of spell ingredients, because he acted entirely out of emotionally fuelled panic where he wasn't totally thinking clearly

OR

Callum is willing to sacrifice unnamed innocent lives and creatures, but not Domina Profundis', in order save Rayla, because he decided on purpose to give Finnegrin a more achievable sounding list of ingredients that would increase collateral damage, but not let him kill the dragon, because he made a calculated decision on purpose that those lives were worth less than Rayla's and Domina's to him (for some reason, as she's a stranger to him)

To be clear, I would love the second option as an interpretation because I do think Callum can be calculating and I do think that's the far more Viren-like option - choosing what to sacrifice for other people in the mindset of harm mitigation ("A thousand men and women are prepared to fall protecting you tonight, but you won't let one sacrifice their lives for you?" / "If you must choose, choose the egg").

But again, given the framing of the scene I think the first reading is 1) more sympathetic and speaks to Callum's more compassionate emotional nature and 2) is the intended takeaway, but if people want to read it as Callum strategically deciding that certain lives - other than Rayla's - were worth sacrificing that so she and Domina Profundis wouldn't be killed, that is absolutely a valid prerogative.

It's just not mine

[piniatafullofblood]

in mgsv venom snake temporarily psychically links with a 9 year old psychic who summons a giant flaming sperm whale in the middle of cyprus which leaps out of the ground and eats an attack helicopter whole. this is immediately followed up by a chase scene where snake (on horseback) (has one arm and one hook hand) (wielding a shotgun) and ocelot (also on horseback) have to run from a flaming demonic man (can shoot bullets out of his own body) who rides an equally flaming unicorn (has wings made of fire)

wait that’s so cool how did snake lose his arm

also unicorns with wings are named alicorns also why are there alicorns in metalgear solid

[gottawritesomething]

Chase me

Scene of Tav and Gale doing illusion magic for the tiefling kids

_______________________________________

Dust clogged the air as the patter of a dozen or more pairs of feet swept through the grotto. Gale stepped clear as the little tieflings almost swept him off his feet. Seemingly singularly focused on their chase, save for the hoots and yells that escaped their mouths as they scrambled up and down the rocks of the inner grotto. The installation of Karlach's improved heart required the utmost precision, so their troupe had remained at the Grove for the greater part of the day. Compared to the ongoing chaos that took place outside the green covered walls it had seemed almost mundane and so far, this had been the most interesting occurrence since their arrival.

Gale craned his neck to catch a glimpse of what had so enchanted the youths. From his vantage point he could see one of the tallest children had cornered what looked to be a small fox. Except for the simple fact most foxes’ fur did not spark with blue lightening. Small bolts danced from tuft to tuft as the children marveled at the curious creature. Suddenly with an audible pop, the fox became obscured by a shimmering cloud, the thick fog entirely obscuring the place the animal had just occupied. The children began to argue and encourage those closest to wade into the fog. Just as the tallest had seemed to gather their courage enough to take a step, an echoing cry shook the small audience. Faster than the eyes could track, the fog was pushed apart by the great wings of a translucent raven. With a single beat it soared over the heads of the children, once again rallying them to chase it. Gale watched the bird carefully as the tielfings split themselves into smaller groups, attempting a new strategy of capture. The raven tucked in its wings and hurtled towards the ground, moments before impact, opening its wings and a burst of feathers to transform into a glittering pink deer galloping about the cave. 

Gale allowed himself to be the slightest bit impressed; he’d always held a soft spot for illusion magic, but it rarely gathered accolades within wizarding academics. Every illusion produced was judged with the rigor of a professional art appraiser putting a piece of fine art up for auction. The illusions stemmed from one’s imagination and represented the creativity of the caster, so to put one on display was to share a part of yourself with an audience, hoping for an unshattered heart by the end. Perhaps sorcerers had no use for this mentality; he mused. Gale watched Tav’s fingers trace the air as though mixing paints on a pallet. Her eyes stayed on her conjured animal, which had recently become a unicorn with a great glowing horn, much to the children's delight. She had a fluidity and looseness in her movements that would never have been permitted while he attended school but it was hard to argue with the beauty of her work. Gale watched the Weave gather around her fingers like she was pulling it into her arms to sculpt, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she watched her beast burst into a dozen flaming butterflies. The genuineness of her enjoyment in this act of creation warmed him like a hearty stew as he felt a similar smile begin to spread onto his own face, when he heard a soft sniffle.

Gale peered around the rock outcrop to see the previously silent tiefling child Doni, his arms wrapped around his knees, watching the others run. A few tears peppered his face, but he seemed unharmed. Gale knelt to the boy’s level, much to the protestation of his knees. Doni did not appear fearful, only overwhelmed. In a bid to sooth the boy’s upset Gale recalled a spell he’d learned early in his training. Showing Doni his palms and indicating he mirror them. Doni looked curious but shook his head, failing to raise his hands from his lap. Gale hummed for a moment, waved his hand and then with a gentle pop, a velvety rabbit hopped to the ground. Doni looked stunned, reaching out a hand to pet the animal only to find his hand pass through its form. At the child's hesitation, Gale gave a second wave of the hand and the rabbit became three rabbits, then five. By this point Doni was on his feet. The sniffle was replaced by a beaming smile as he assessed the solidity of each rabbit, his fingers only finding the rocky ground beneath, causing him to giggle. He turned back to Gale, then pointed at Tav’s now rainbow-colored hawk. Doni watched, eyes wide, as the rabbits became swallowtails, their feathers a royal purple to match Gale’s robes. With rustle of feathers and the flapping of many wings, the birds appeared to land gracefully on Doni’s shoulders and waiting hands. Before Gale could say anything else, Doni was off towards the gaggle of other children.

The first two that spotted him ran full tilt at Doni, as he lifted the birds towards them. He beamed as the others joined into the semi-circle, mimicking petting each of the birds. There were hushed discussions of names and which was prettiest. Gale’s chest swelled with quiet pride as he caught Tav’s gaze on him. Her eyes met his, and their smiles matched. She gestured to his newly conjured birds, mouthing “Beautiful”. He did a small performative bow, mostly in an effort to obscure his now pink tinted face and all too pleased smirk. 

As he rose from the bow, he watched her hand attempt to obscure a smile. He watched her hands move to dismiss her own illusion; and something like loss stirred in him. With his careful direction, his birds took flight from Doni’s shoulders, encircling her hawk before merging into a single bird. Its tail now filled with long, curling purple feathers, small sparks falling harmlessly from every wing beat. Gale looked to Tav, half encouraging, half imploring. She raised her hands as their birds began to dance across the air. They tumbled and wove, Tav’s favoring large swooping movements while Gale’s intricately dove through the turns. They chased each other across the sky, darting between the rocky terrain, twirling and twining like vines. The hawk's wings beat slowly as the grand purple bird rose to meet it in midair. The children had given up the chase while most of the Grove had stopped to watch their dance as the two birds rose in tandem, their wing tips brushing, the light between them now blinding. With a final musical cry, Tav’s dissolved into glittering snowflakes as Gale’s burst into falling stars. As the claps faded and they’d taken their appropriate bows, their eyes met once more, and his heart leaped as if to follow the path the birds had taken across the sky.

[weirdozjunkary]

I did another fic in the PIB AU. This time of the infamous panic attack scene. It’s fairly long, but not the longest I’ve ever written

———————

KA- FWEEEW!!!

A spectactical aray of confetti bursted from the baker inspo the air. Sonic splat, the confetti clinging to himself. At any other time, this cluster of colourful paper adorned with a cute party horn would’ve been cheerful, but now it seemed more gruesome.

“BLEGH! What?!”

“OHOHO! So that’s what they do!” Ivo cheered. He was already aiming up another shot. Unicorn horns are deadly. “Cool!”

“NO! ITS NOT COOL!” The iridecent beatle shouted, appalled at the doctors amazement by this spread of colourful destruction.

Another horn stuck into a bakers side. “AUGHYOU SHOT ME-“

KA-FWEEEW!!!

Another explosion right in the hedgehogs face. He sneezed at the dust and confetti in the air. “Ugh! The sight is off!” He heard ivo groan. And just as he could stop himself from sneezing, Sonic was hoisted up by his bandana.

“I got him mister Horner!” Another horn stuck into the bakers side.

“MY BAD!”

“Oh no.”

KA-BLAM!!

Silence. Only accompanied by a faint growing ringing through the hedgehogs ears as he flew through the air slowly. It didn’t stop till he tumbled against the ground, his bandana untying itself from his throat. There, just within arms reach, it was the map. It had fallen out of his grasp through the explosion. And as the world around him moved by in slow motion, he propped up on a knee and reached out a hand to it.

He froze. That sound. That sharp and sickening melody that made his hair stand up on end and his stomach twist violently. He could hear it. Just a few feet behind him.

He gasped out air from his lungs. Hoping to god that when his eyes drifted from the map behind him that he wouldn’t see what he dreaded to see. But once his body was fully turned around. As his heart pounded in his ears and his lungs felt tight and empty. He could see it. That jackal. Unsheathing his sickles from his dark cloak. Staring at him with his vibrant eyes.

He is here. HOW is he here? The last time he saw him was running from Ivo Horner’s bakery. And still, those eyes, so glassy but vibrant like marbles. They pierced frozen daggers into his. It made them ache.

His body moved before his brain caught up. His heart raced in his ears, pounding so hard his chest hurtt. His lungs were on fire as he wheezed while he ran. Ran away. Ran far. Ran fast. Just get away from this fucking maniac!!!

“Sonic? SONIC! WAIT!” Tails shouted, grabbing his fallen bandana and chasing after him.

“Tails?” Shadow puzzled. He took his eyes off of the map for a second. Just enough for the face of a large hammer to whack him away.

“Thanks for the map, Stripes!” Amy gawked as she laid her eyes on the map she snatched up from the ground. It sparkled and shimmered. Changing the scenery on it and then the world around them. The ground broke and shifted, sending cliffs and pine trees high into the air.

“NO!” Both Shadow and Ivo shouted in anger at the group that ascended higher into the air.

“HEY! You’ve just been crimed by the Chaotix Crime family!” The young bee shouted.

“So long, you plonkers!” Amy added and left with the rest of them. Projectiles flying past them as they ran into the newly formed forest behind.

“!LOS VOY HACER A TODOS ALFOMBRAS DE BAÑO!” Shadow angrily shouted. He kicked the ground and bared his teeth in frustration. “GRAGH!!! SONIC!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

His legs could barely keep him standing. The only reason why he didn’t fall over yet was the proper yak motion of his legs keeping him going forward. His footsteps were heavy and sporadic, so was his breathing. He heaved with each step, each movement of his arms. His eyes darting around the dark forest. He could’ve sworn he saw him. His face. His eyes. Him. The one trying to take his life.

“SONIC! SONIC!” The twin tailed fox cried out with worry. Where could he have gone?

There. He was at the base of a tree. Huffing and heaving as his eyes continued to dart around in front of him. That hunter is near. He’s just waiting to pounce. Waiting to strike. He’s here. He has to be.

“Sonic! Sonic! Are you okay? What’s wrong?!”

Tails’ voice fell deaf on Sonic’ ears. He huffed and wheezed with tears in his eyes. He was waiting for him, the jackal. The moment for him to strike. He didn’t know if Tails was truly there or not. And Tails. This boy was so worried for his friend. He felt helpless. Moreso Sonic to Tails.

But, he looked at Sonic’s face. The pure terror and panic in his eyes. And almost as if he had done this before, he rested his head against his chest. He could feel it, hear it. His heartbeat so fast and loud. A sporadic rhythm that pounded so hard that it could leap right out of his chest.

But as Tails laid there, his eyes shut and an arm wrapped over the hedgehog, he felt a hand lay gently on his head, and the hedgehog’s heart and breathing slow. He didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t even open his eyes. He just laid there as Sonic pet him. He only looked at him once he heard him huff out a sigh.

“Thank you, Tails.” He said.

“What’s going on with you, Sonic?”

Sonic stammered and looked away. He couldn’t look this sweet boy in the face. Not to tell him what’s really been going on. Why he decided to pursue this star. What his wish truly was. “I… I am down to my last life. And I…” He gulped down a hard lump. “I am afraid.”

“Well, it’s okay to be afraid.”

“No! Not for Sonic the Hedgehog! I’m supposed to be a fearless hero. A legend.” He slumped further down the base of the tree. “But without any lives to spare. I am… nothing.” He shot up and clenched a determined fist. “I need that wish to get my lives back!”

“You should tell Shadow, then. He would understand-“

“No no no! He can’t hear none of this stuff!” Sonic said as he put a hand over the fox’s mouth briefly to silence him.

“Okay?”

What neither of them knew, was not far behind them was the black hedgehog, slicing through the prickled grass. “¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su zorro?” He muttered to himself. His ears shot up once he could hear the blue hedgehog.

“Shadow will never trust me again. Not after Santa Coloma.”

“But that was just one bad heist.”

“Santa Coloma wasn’t a heist, Tails. It was a church. With a priest and guests… and Shadow.” He reminisced back to that day. A sour feeling painfully waved over his chest. “Everything but me. I ran away then too.”

“Oh...” Tails responded, letting his mind wander a little. “Oh.” He finally gasped in shock once the realization hit him. “OH! You left him at the altar?”

“It was wrong, I know. I’m ashamed of it.” He sighed. “I just wish I hadn’t hurt ‘em so badly. I regret that day a lot.”

“So… maybe you should tell that to Shadow. It might make you feel better about it. It might make him feel better about it, too.”

Shadow stood behind the tree, arms crossed and a look of uncertainty clearly on his face. Of course Sonic wouldn’t have said this to his face, his pride was too fragile to admit defeat. But, something about what he said, perhaps the tone or what have you. It felt genuine, though full of sadness and melancholy.

He had been running all his life, both of them. Running from enemies, from friends, loved ones, eachother. Running out of fear. Fear of being betrayed, of being hurt again. He was like him, even if they didn’t know the extent of it— of each other— they both were running. Maybe. Maybe they don’t need to run.

“Sonic! Fox!” Shadow called as he came into their view. “There you two are. What the hell happened?”

“S-Shadow!” Sonic stammered and stood up, finally tying his bandana back on. “I-uh- I lost the map. I messed up.”

“We’ll get it back, don’t worry. We’ve been in worse prickles.”

“WHAT?! Who told you that name?!” Sonic shouted, only to receive a confused look from shadow.

“…What name?”

“Uh… n-nothing!”

[deadsince1973]

What happened to Despicable Me?

(SPOILERS for Despicable Me 4 ahead)

I went to see Despicable Me 4 today, and it was easily the worst of the franchise.

I think there were two overlapping problems. The first one is that there were too many characters and too many storylines, and they all felt truncated. The second is that the storylines themselves, truncated or not, were bad. Let's look at the storylines that we got.

First, the big point of this movie: Gru has a baby son now. The arc with the baby is that the baby doesn't like Gru, but then by the end, the baby learns to love his father. That is such a stupid storyline! Babies are not capable of determining who they like and who they dislike. That's just not how that stage of brain development works. I admit, I may not be the target audience of this movie (even though I should be; more on the below), but babies in movies are, in my opinion, annoying, and not at all cute or funny. I heard once that "all animals in movies act like dogs", and not just real dogs, but like idealized versions of dogs, who can think and emote like humans. I actually love that trope, because I love the fantasy that my pets or an exotic pet it would be cool to have could be a true friend to me, as an equal who could understand me and respond to me with intelligence and insight. I can only speculate that many people enjoy having the same fantasy about babies; all I'm certain of is that this storyline did not work for me at all.

Then there's the cluster of storylines making up the premise that Gru's family is now in witness protection. -Margot is upset about leaving her friends and having to start at a new school. She gets bullied on her first day. And that is the last we hear about that. -Edith and Agnes go to a karate class. (For the entire day? Why didn't Edith have to go to school?) She breaks the teacher's toe. And that's the last we hear about that. -Agnes is upset about having to leave Lucky, her pet unicorn/goat from Despicable Me 3. That does get wrapped up in the end, but it's absent from the middle of the movie. It's not even really an arc or a storyline, more a callback to the last movie. -Agnes is also upset about having to use a fake name in witness protection, because that's lying and she doesn't want to lie. That's potentially a good storyline because it would result in actual character growth, but it also goes nowhere! Agnes never uses her fake name, and that has no consequences (other than setting up Edith's story). -Lucy's new identity is a hairdresser, and she burns down the salon while working with her first client. The client later tries to chase her down in the grocery store for the sake of a wacky chase scene. Lucy and the girls escape, and we never hear from the injured client again. -Gru wants to make friends with his new neighbor in order to prove that he's not awkward. He plays tennis with the neighbor, but the game is interrupted by the arrival of the antagonist. The neighbor is never seen again.

Even though there isn't even enough room in the movie for all the family members, they still added a new character, Poppy. Poppy is the neighbor's teenage daughter and an aspiring supervillain who blackmails Gru into helping with a heist. Why? What does that have to do with either of the main two plots? (It does tie in with them, but it was entirely unnecessary to them.) Poppy later makes friends with Gru's daughters, but then she disappears during the climax, and she's only seen again during the ending montage, when we see that she got admitted to the villain school. What happened to her pet honey badger? We'll never know.

The A-plot, the one that's set up in the first scene, the one that drives Gru and his family into witness protection, the one that the movie ends on, is about Gru's high school bully. Really though, other than being the catalyst for putting Gru's family in witness protection, he has precious little role in the story. There's a reason this story is so far down the list. There's also yet another new character, Principal Ubelschlect. She's the boss fight of the heist Gru and Poppy do together, but, since the heist was pointless, she's a pointless character too. (This is how Poppy technically ties into both of the main storylines, by the way. Gru brought his son along on his heist, so the heist related to the bonding arc Gru had with him. But the heist was not the catalyst for the baby finally bonding with Gru, so what was the point of bringing the baby along at all?! And when the heist goes awry and Principal Ubelschlecht catches them in the act, she contacts the bully to join her in attacking Gru's safehouse. But there are any number of ways that the bully could have found Gru's location without making a whole other involved storyline that rivaled the main storyline for screen time! That should have been a single story beat, not a lengthy sequence.)

Of course, there are also the cutaways to the minions' wacky antics. This is why I say I should have been the target audience for this movie. I love the minions. Obviously this is a very small sample size, but it seemed to me that I laughed more at the minions in this movie than anyone else in the theater. I mean, if that's an accurate perception, then why were any of those other people even going to see this movie? Despicable Me is the minion franchise. If you don't like minions, this movie isn't for you. And if you do like minions, then this movie should be for you. Anyway, they split the minions into two groups for this movie: exactly the same symptom as the rest of the characters had! One group had a recurring gag about a minion being stuck in a vending machine. Okay, that doesn't need to be that developed. But it was entirely unrelated to the other minions' storyline, which felt weird! The other minions' storyline was the "Mega Minions", the ones in the promotional material. This storyline was about five minions who got superpowers and tried to become superheroes. It had nothing to do with any other plotline whatsoever. It felt a little bit like a retread of the mutated purple minions from the second movie, but the mutated minions actually connected to the main story of that movie!

Altogether, this movie just felt cobbled together from a bunch of disparate ideas. The animation felt as good to me as ever, but the writing and the design felt like it was rushed out the door. It felt like a bunch of people had got asked to write an idea for a funny thing to do with the characters from this franchise, and then they just put a bunch of those ideas in without considering how they would weave together into a single coherent movie.

And all of this is just my analysis of the problems with the stories. It doesn't address some of the other, smaller problems I had with the movie. -The baby was named Gru, Jr. I HATE when characters have a baby and they name one of them "Junior". Not only does it smack of a lack of creativity, but it also really shows how little the writers value the character. This might seem a little hypocritical after I implied above that babies aren't even human and complained about how there shouldn't have been so much of the baby in the movie, but I think calling a baby "Junior" exacerbates the problem. It's implicitly telling me, the viewer, not to care about this character as his own person, but to think of him as an extension of his father. Why should I care about him then?

Speaking of wanting less of the baby in the movie, I just want to add that part of the reason why I dared to have higher hopes for this movie despite the presence of the baby in the marketing is because of the Shrek movies. A friend of mine told me the other day that they had noped out of the Shrek franchise when babies became involved because they feel the exact same way I do about babies in media. But I don't really think that's fair. Shrek the Third and Shrek Forever After did an admirable job of keeping the babies on the periphery. I'm just bringing this up to say that that was very much an option for this movie too. They could've had their cake and eaten it too.

Almost as criminal as the poor writing was the poor design. The main villain, the bully, was cockroach-themed. That's not bad, per se, but compare him to the villains from previous films: Vector, who had both direction and magnitude (how memorable was that line?!); El Macho and his pet chicken; Bratt and his 1980's theming; Scarlet, with her feminist bent and perky personality, and her husband Herb who was delightfully 1960's; and the Vicious 6, all of whom had amusing puns for names: Jean-Clawed, Nun-Chuck, and Svengeance being the stand-outs for me. I guess, on paper, a cockroach theme isn't any worse than any of these other villains, but Maxime really had nothing else going for him other than his French accent. He didn't have a funny name, he didn't have an over-the-top personality, and he didn't have a particularly memorable style.

Finally, and here's where I'm fine with being disagreed with because it's just a matter of taste, but: as a general rule, I don't like bathroom humor in kid's movies. There were two jokes that were just about an animal pooing, and, worst of all in my opinion, was one of the English words in the Minionese. My friend and I had been discussing whether the one Mega Minion had "a cone head" or "was a missile." Well, one of the other minions shouted "suppository" when it jumped off a rooftop. So that clears that argument up. -_-

I just think this is a real shame because, while the other movies weren't flawless (except possibly for Minions), they all had a charm to them and at least a few good jokes. I'm also the type of person to find the storylines of Despicable Me 2 and 3 painful, but at least there were enough moments that I found sweet or endearing in those movies that I still enjoyed them more than I expected I would. This was the opposite, because the only moment I found charming at all was when the camera did a fly-through of the AVL office and we saw the minions participating in a wide variety of activities. I'm always a sucker for that.

This honestly makes me reluctant to hope for a future for this franchise. :/