#scene; chasing unicorns

[cherryheairt]

Rewatching The Last Unicorn (OG Targ queen), the Unicorn's voice and appearance fits Daenys so so well. One scene in particular struck me. Just a drabble in the form of a scene quote. Excluding the part where Prince Lir sang to her, that gave me an ick. He didn't know her and was confessed his love to her just for her grace and looks, when she was struggling with life and death over there in her own head

Daenys walked out from her chambers, disoriented. Misty dreams plagued her sleep, leaving her to wake confused and with a muddled mind. Out on the balcony in front of it, she clutched onto the iron railing and overlooked Dragonstone's beaches. The sight grounded her, telling her where she was.

Cregan walked up the tower's steps, practicing his words to her as he did, thinking her to be fast asleel already. He would tell her his feelings on the day's council meeting in the morrow, as they always discussed matters privately afterwards to debrief.

The sight of silver hair reflected off the moonlight stopped him. Daenys wasn't asleep after all, her back faced him as she stood in loose hair and a lilac shift.

"Daenys?" Cregan asked, approaching carefully from behind and announcing his presence gently.

She turned, narrowing her eyes slightly at the man. "Who are you?"

The question turned in Cregan's mind, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It was only hours ago that they had supped together in Dragonstone's great hall with her own family. "Who am I? I am Cregan, my Lady. Don't you know me?"

"Cregan? Lord Stark?" She murmured, the name familiar but distant in her mind. In her deep purple hues, Cregan could see how her mind was still half-lost in its dreams.

"You were dreaming, my Lady." He assured, taking her hand tenderly in his own. She did not glance at it, looking over his shoulder to the sea again.

"But I am always dreaming. Even when I am awake." She clutched her shift tight to her arms, hugging herself in the chilly night. "It is never finished."

Cregan tilted his head slightly down at her, taking her into his embrace.

She was despondent even to his warm touch, something that she had usually taken to unconsciously lean into. Daenys stepped back, eyes still distant and hazy. "I—I will not trouble you, my Lord." She muttered out, stepping away and towards her chamber doors.

"No, please. Trouble me, Princess. I wish you wanted something from me." Cregan insisted, hesitant on leaving her alone for the night, where her state worsened out of his control.

"Drown out my dreams." She spoke up, louder. "Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it." She squeezed her eyes shut, taking her hair between her fingers and absentmindedly tugging at it.

Cregan took her arms in both hands, bringing them down to waist level in a firm but gentle gripm "Princess, let me stay with you tonight. I cannot chase away your dreams, but I can be there when they plague your heart with horror and sorrow."

Daenys allowed herself to be held, leaning into his chest tiredly, both physically and mentally. She nodded wordlessly, allowing Cregan to lead her to her room and lie with her.

[unpopularvivian]

Ttte Halloween Headcanons: (1-12)

🎃How to Scare The Steam Team Without Traumatizing Them 🎃:

Thomas: Play extremely romantic or SPICY songs in his room, shed or any place where he normally hangs out in. He might joke about segg or romance and thinks it's funny but absolutely hates it when people start to become TOO comfortable with each other and start doing... Things that I can't name because I'm a minor. Baby by Justin Bieber would make him scream for Satan to take him out of his misery.

Edward: Second hardest person to scare in Halloween. One, he can surprisingly handle extremely dark topics. (I mean, he's a punk. What do you expect). Two, due to his insomnia giving him nightmares. Regular horror just seems like comedy to him. But, Edward does have one weakness: Sonrisas from Unicorn Wars. Has watched the film, loves it except for the parts where Sonrisas is in. In his words: Why the fuck does that orange bitch smiles in EVERY SCENE THAT HE'S IN??? A Sonrisas mask should do the trick.

Henry: Maybe dress up as Jason Voorhees and chase him around with an axe. Or cut some of his trees. (Although that last one would probably have you screaming your head off with an angry Henry ready to kick your ass)

Gordon: Get Bill and Ben roped in with your scheme and have them completely trash his room, shed or his express coaches! Gordon's face will be white as flour when he sees what you have done!

James: Fill his entire makeup collection with butter, nutella, egg yolk and anything else that is NOT makeup and put it back to her drawer. They will be screaming in less than 3 minutes when they're putting on their eyeshadow. Bonus points if you fuck up his clothes as well!

Percy: Number 1 hardest person to scare. Literally everybody has tried scaring him. But nothing seems to work on them! The only thing that would be closest to "scaring Percy" is Urbanspook. But even then, Percy looks more disgusted than frightened.

Toby: Literally any slasher movie, no matter how cheesy it is. Genuinely becomes horrified whenever a character dies even if they deserved it. His friends have no idea how easily spooked he can be. Not even Henry!

Duck: Just do anything that isn't the Great Western way. It's that easy.

Donald and Douglas: Throw a grim reaper costume onto a drone. Wait for the two to come and unleash the drone onto the two of them!!!! Chase them back to Scotland!!! To the moon!!!! To HEAVEN!!!!!!

Oliver: Send the mushiest Valentine's Day card to him. Go wild! Write it like you're simping for this man!!!!! (Unfortunately for Ollie, he is asexual)

Emily: Make the most disgusting Boba Tea with the most despicable ingredients that you can think of. Once you're done, just give it to her! Her reaction will be priceless.

[itsthesinbin]

Sins in Stardust [Chapter 8: Not in the Job Description] (Bill Cipher/Reader/Stanford Pines)

I like that Gravity Falls just has so much random bullshit that I can make silly "episodic" bonding chapters like this. It's a nice break from main plot stuff while also still forwarding the story via relationships.

Read the fic on AO3 here!

Reblogs and feedback appreciated- if you like it, reblog it!

-------------------------------

You and Bill settled into a little routine during that first week on the job. You went first, on the off chance some stragglers were around, and swept or mopped. Bill followed behind either dusting or picking up trash. He complained about how messy humans were, when they left soda cans or food packages around. You had to agree with him about those complaints. It was ridiculous how little people cared.

You were laughing at Bill, who had stepped in yet another discarded wad of gum and was losing his mind, when Soos found you guys. He couldn’t help but smile at the scene, even if he was still wary of Bill. The week he had been here had been tense, but considering the guy hadn’t ACTUALLY tried to kill anyone- or was caught slipping on the possible “faking amnesia” act- Soos decided to tentatively take things more at face value. Less waiting for the impact, so to speak. Just taking it slow and watching for signs of a storm.

“Havin’ fun, dudes?” You jumped at your boss’ voice, before giving him a wave. Despite the suspicions he had about you both, Soos had been the coolest boss you’ve had. He was friendly, lax, and willing to compromise. Bill still thought he was a moron, but started keeping those thoughts more to himself.

“NO,” the triangle screamed as he used a paper towel to wipe gum off of his foot. “You humans are DISGUSTING, leaving your bacteria-filled WADS on the FLOOR!” Soos did cringe, giving a little shudder at the idea.

“Gross. Well, you guys can get away from the gum for a bit! Need to get some raccoons outta the attic. I think they���re raccoons anyway. I kinda just see a bunch’a fur before they’re outta sight.” Soos motioned for you guys to follow him. He passed by a little closet, pulling out a bat for you. Bill got a hammer, since that was small enough for him to hold properly. He immediately took a swing at Soos’ kneecap. The big guy was more agile than you thought, thankfully, and dodged it. You threatened to thwack him with the bat when he raised the hammer to do it again.

Soos led you to the stairs up to the attic. He turned to you guys, Bill quickly hiding the hammer behind his back. He totally wasn’t gonna try and hit Soos in the leg. Absolutely not. He was a perfect little angel.

“I gotta finish cleanin’ the showroom since you guys are doin’ this. Dunno how many are up there, good luck,” he laughed. He left you two there, completely oblivious to how much neither of you wanted to do this.

“I really hope I don’t get rabies,” you grumbled, getting the bat ready. Bill snickered.

“Can’t be any worse than those gnomes. At least they can’t tie me up!” You sighed, already feeling exhausted. If it came down to it, you’d go get rabies shots after work. You had no idea if Bill needed rabies shots. Better to just keep him out of biting range.

You opened the attic door, realizing now that you had no idea how you were going to chase raccoons out in a way that mattered. This place sucked. Why couldn’t he just call animal control? Costs? Cheap ass.

You didn’t immediately see anything. No fur, no nesting material, nothing. Just some old beds and some posters stuck to the walls. Looks like some kids had stayed here- a boy and a girl, if gender stereotypes still rang true in this situation. The only thing that caught your eye were some weird stuffed animals with beards. Completely normal plushies like bears and unicorns, but had full beards. Little girls were into weird toys, so you didn’t think too much about it as you entered the attic fully.

Bill followed behind you, holding his hammer like you were holding your bat. You did a sweep around the room, even opening the mostly-empty closet. Bill peeked under the old, unused beds. Nothing in either spot. Bill groaned.

“This is stupid. Can we just tell him we didn’t see anything and take a lunch break? I want my leftover spaghetti.” You also wanted your spaghetti, honestly. You also didn’t want to fight fucking raccoons over minimum wage. You leaned on the bat like a cane, sighing.

“Yeah okay. I also want spaghetti.” “Can I keep the hammer?” You gave him a sideways glance, not even bothering to answer. He’d keep it no matter what you said. You just shook your head and started to leave.

Then you both heard something move behind you. After the gnome incident, you both were on high alert to sudden noises.

You whipped around, but didn’t see anything. You looked up at the roof, just in case. It was only the ceiling above you. Nothing suspicious.

“You heard that too, right?” you asked, looking around slowly. Bill agreed that he did. He was quiet for a second, before pointing to a stuffed unicorn.

“Didn’t that thing have a beard?” Your eyes snapped to it. Your shoulders drooped. Then you spotted movement. Something shuffled out from under the bed, before jumping at you like a facehugger.

“THIS TOWN FUCKING SUCKS,” you screamed, swinging as hard as you could with the bat. It hit with a sharp crack, sending the creature through the window. You flinched as the glass shattered. You panted, looking down at Bill. He gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up. Then you both heard more skittering.

When you turned back, you couldn’t stop the creature from flying at your face this time. It latched onto your face and you were knocked onto your back. Bill jumped back, raising the hammer out of instinct. But then he remembered your face was under it. You wouldn’t make a deal with the guy who bashed your teeth in and COULDN’T fix it. Damn. He dropped the hammer and tried to pry the creature off, but it was stuck fast.

You stopped struggling after a minute, instead just laying there wheezing. Eventually you sat up. The creature was still now, looking exactly like a lumberjack’s beard. Bill was silent as you stared at him in horror. He didn’t know if it was because he almost made room for dentures, or because there was a sentient beard attached to your face now.

Bill started cackling. He was laughing so hard he fell to his knees, tears squeezing from the corners of his eye. You pulled at the beard, but the creature wouldn’t budge.

“You l- holy FUCK- look great-! You should keep- you should keep it,” he wheezed out between laughs. You grabbed him by the bowtie, catching him off guard. His hammer fell from his hand with a clatter. Another beard flew at you, so you did the only thing that was appropriate now.

Bill yelled as the flying beard latched onto him. You dropped the demon and watched the struggle, picking up your bat and standing. Your new friend made your face itch. You scratched at your face as you waited.

He finally stopped fighting with the creature, standing up. It was your turn to cackle. The beard creature was as big as he was, almost, so he just looked like Cousin It with a top hat and bowtie. You coughed from how hard you inhaled, doubling over with the bat as support. Even under the beard, you knew he was turning red.

“QUIT LAUGHING BEFORE I TEAR YOUR VOCAL CHORDS OUT AND WEAR THEM, MEAT SACK,” he roared, voice going so low your ears rang. You would’ve been scared, if he wasn’t just covered in fur.

A few more beards appeared from their hiding spots, making you both stop. With Bill fully covered by one of their friends, they all began to advance on you. You stepped back and gripped your bat. The beard already attached to your face moved, covering your eyes. You screamed and tried to rip it off. Your bat clattered to the ground with a metallic thunk.

“BILL,” you yelled, panicked. Bill was also panicking, though you couldn’t see it. You heard the tell-tale snapping of him trying to use any power he may have. Then you heard the metal bat scrape against the floor. With a grunt of effort, you heard it clang against something. Bill had all but dropped it onto one of the beards that was on the floor.

You fell backwards, hitting the wall hard when you tripped over his discarded hammer. You heard small feet hurry to your front.

“I gotcha- FUCK OFF!” Another thwack, and a skittering noise in the opposite direction. Frantically, you began searching your pockets. You didn’t have many options, and doing this to your own face was stupid. You fished out your lighter. 

If you had a nickel for every creature you’ve set on fire to escape it, you’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it’s happened twice. 

Bill hit another one hard, and you heard a sickening crunch. You couldn’t help but balk. Crunch. How does a beard crunch?

“Do these things have fucking BONES?” Bill let out a startled, disbelieving laugh- both at your yell and the revelation.

“That makes this so much more FUN!” With all of his strength, Bill swung again and got a similar result. You cringed. Bill was good at holding them off, but you could tell he was getting tired. That bat was heavy, and not made for people his size.

You fumbled with the lighter, feeling with your other hand for part of the beard. You held the lighter to the creature. The smell of burning hair hit instantly, but the creature didn’t move at first. You grew worried that it wouldn’t matter. That your efforts were useless and you’d just be covered in gross, parasitic beards.

Then it screeched. It jolted away from your face, scurrying out of the busted window to get away from the fire- to put out the small fire that started on itself. You scratched at your face furiously, getting rid of the itch and the stray hairs that stuck to your face. Bill heaved and gave a much weaker hit to the ground to intimidate the creatures. One was dead on the ground. He looked back at you.

“Well, look at that! Fire DOES solve all your problems,” Bill laughed. You rolled your eyes and took the bat from him. You handed him the lighter so he could get his Cousin It cosplay off. Please don’t let him light the building on fire.

Giving Bill a break, you charged and swung at one of the creatures. The bat cracked off of it, and sent it rolling. It crawled out of the window with pained chirps. The other few beards were getting wary, especially with one of its own dead. The smell of burning hair seemed to set them off, as the one on Bill screeched and ran.

The last few decided to bail, hurrying after their injured comrades. You ran with them, following them to the window to make sure they actually left. Bill was behind you, climbing up to see them run as well. You two watched them break for the treeline. Both of you stood there, breathing heavily and covered in beard hair. You moved, sitting on the boy’s bed to catch your breath. Bill sat with you.

“Can we tell Soos we got rabies?” You looked down at him, exasperated. Bill kicked his feet, trying to hide how tired he was. You could see the slight slump to his form, the way one of his hands rubbed at the cracks on his body like they were sore. You frowned.

“We can sneak down to the kitchen and get the can of whipped cream to make it more believable,” he added, nudging you with his free elbow. You sighed, picking some hairs out of his bricks.

“Yeah okay,” you finally relented. He got a mischievous look in his eye as you both left. He was happy you finally went along with one of his schemes. He was also ecstatic to finally fuck with someone other than you. And you had to admit: after all the grief you’ve been through, a mindless prank sounded good.

You two took turns spraying whipped cream onto your faces, then went to find Mister Mystery himself. He was outside, looking at the broken window in confusion. You took the “sick and needs help” approach and began to shamble towards him.

“Boss,” you moaned to get his attention. Soos turned, his face dropping when he saw you covered in fur and, supposedly, frothy drool. “I don’t feel so good…”

He opened his mouth, but Bill had taken a different approach to you. He sprinted towards Soos like a bat out of hell, bright red and snarling. It made you break character as you let out a startled snort and began to laugh. Soos screamed like a little girl, foot coming out as soon as Bill got close. Directly into Bill’s eye. Deserved, honestly.

“MY EYE- THAT HURT YOU TUB OF LARD-” He fell over, wiping the whipped cream off and holding his eye. Soos stood there, sheepish and flustered. You wheezed, unable to stand up. Your ribs hurt.

“Attic’s clear-” you managed to get out. Soos caught on that it was a prank. The guy was good natured and couldn’t help but laugh along.

“Good job, dudes. And uh… Sorry about the eye, Bill.” “I WILL TWIST YOUR BONES IN THEIR SOCKETS-!” Soos stepped around him, smiling sheepishly. He patted you on the shoulder and thanked you guys, letting you take care of your now-injured companion.

Bill’s eye was bloodshot and the lids were beginning to swell. You got him on his feet, but he couldn’t see straight. You decided to put him on your shoulders for now.

“C’mon, let’s get some ice on that and eat our lunch,” you snickered. Bill groaned, dropping his upper half onto your head.

“This town fucking sucks,” came his muffled declaration. You hummed, partially agreeing. It was interesting, at least.

[artaxlivs]

My Masterlist -

Featuring mostly Steddie, Winterhawk & now - Sterek 💜

Steddie (Stranger Things):

HomeSteddie Farms: Rated T - Steve and Eddie had a farm and on this farm were a bunch of critters with awesome names. Plus art by Doomcheese!

End of the Beginning: Rated T - Eddie gets a do over and finds himself in the Upsidedown with Will. Can they save everyone this time? Art by @alduade-art

Do You Hear What I Hear?: Rated T - Steve brings home a mogwai, Eddie's never been good with rules

Nobody's Baby: Rated E - Steddie Dirty Dancing AU Steve & Robin best friends, Eddie & Chrissy best friends, 80s movie campiness, light BDSM, traffic light system for dancing and sex. With art by @lexplexdraws

Like a Mythical Virgin: Rated M - Eddie finds out the hard way that feral unicorns don't chase virgins for nice reasons

Let Me Be Your Man (i want to hold your hand): Rated E - Mike gets help from Steve with making a mixtape for Will. Eddie learns that there's an art to mixtapes. mike/steve bonding, laughter, fluff, little pining, smut (You can find the podfic of this one here. Read by the amazing RattleandHum (@thirdeye1234))

Destroy the Silence (Drummer Steve) - Rated E - Steve joins the band and Eddie discovers he has a thing for competent drummers, healthy bdsm communication, laughter, fluff & smut. Art by @carcrash429 (You can find the podfic of this one here. Read by the fabulous @rufusbear)

Off the Shelf - Rated E - Stripper Steve give Eddie a private show. Eddie discovers a new kink. Modern AU, basically porn with a smidge of plot.

Screw Todd, Steve's Her (His) Daddy Now - Rated E - Steve keeps calling himself Daddy "unintentionally" and Eddie's about to lose it, light bdsm, non verbal communication, daddy kink (or is it?)

The Second Worst Trip to Mordor Ever Taken - Rated T - Steve takes the boys & Eddie to Indy to a nerd store and flirts his way into trouble, Steddie, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings

Even Flowers Have Their Dangers (Series: No One Is Alone)- Rated E - What if the tunnels turned Steve & the kids into shapeshifting wolves? S4 rewrite and my own write up of S5 but with half the party as shapeshifters, smut, graphic imagery, battle scenes

There’s Something Wrong With Steve (WIP ch2/4) - Rated M - I’m not gonna tell you, Steddie, Suspense thriller, creep factor 6/10 and climbing

Let the Music Play -Series - Rated T - The music that plays every time Steve gets Vecna’d, Stobin besties, Steddie pre relationship, hurt/comfort

An Accidental Flogging - Rated E - Steve has questions about Eddie’s kinks, Eddie would like to have answers but he’s actually a virgin, friends to lovers, Top Steve, accidental kink discovery, laughter, fluff, & smut

Drabbles that aren't full fics: Happy Summer, Steve's Thighs, i was afraid to follow, Personal Space, can you read the letter for me (Part two), Pillow Talk, Steddie First Kiss Challenge, Constellations, Artax is a New Horse, To Do List

Art made by amazing artists that goes with something I wrote (eek!): Crabs, Drummer Steve, Dirty Dancing, Homesteddie

Clint Barton Centric (Marvel):

True Colors Series (8 Parts/complete) - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: The Snap didn’t dust half the universe, it turned them into soulmates who can only see colors when they find each other, Clint & Bucky don’t mean to find each other. Almost strangers to soulmates, smut, background Steve/Natasha and others

The Case of the Missing Purple Sweatshirts - Rated T - Clint/Bucky: Someone is stealing Clint’s sweatshirts…my excuse to let Clint talk about Scooby Doo

Through the Looking Glass - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Instead of talking, they miscommunicate themselves into being sex dungeon fuck buddies, BDSM Dungeon fic, miscommunications, learning through bad negotiations, so very much smut, background Steve/Darcy, past Clint/She Who Must Not Be Named

Something to Tweet About - Rated T - Clint/Bucky: Someone tweets a series of photos of Clint & Bucky hanging out and mutually pining, they deal with it by avoiding it obviously. friends to lovers, social media ship to lovers

A Life Well Lived - Rated T - Clint/Bucky: just a glance at Clint’s last day

Make it Permanent - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Secret dating, hickeys and tattoos and a little bit of healthy possessiveness

And the Stockings Were Hung - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Christmas Exchange fic, Bucky's first Christmas at the tower, fluff and smut

Porn & Prose - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: some backstage smut between Mr Bingley (Clint) and Mr Darcy (Bucky)

Bucky, Lemme Smash - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: I just wanted to turn Clint purple and use this line from that meme, smut

Both, Both is Good - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Bucky avoids Clint until he realizes Clint has been avoiding him, fuck buddies to lovers, smut & miscommunication

The Happiest Place on Earth - Rated E - Clint/Bucky: Bucky plays Hawkeye in Disneyland because the actor who plays him is short and he’s real pissed that some guy named Clint is tall enough to play the Winter Soldier, enemies to lovers, Clint in eyeliner, smut

Three to Tango - Rated E - Clint/Bucky/Natasha: James & Natasha teach Clint’s dance class, then they invite him for private lessons. Healthy communication, smut and Clint’s self degradation

A Bird By Any Other Name (Series) - Rated E - Clint/Steve: Clint as the Winter Soldier thru WW2 & the present, hurt/comfort, mental struggles, smut

Body Count - Rated E - Clint/Steve: tumblr prompt hitman meets a sex worker, just so much smut

Friends Don’t Let Friends Wait Too Long - Rated T - Clint/Steve: Steve is too nervous to ask Clint out, Bucky’s gonna help in an helpful way. Misunderstanding, fluff, laughter, Natasha being a troll

Marvel/DC Crossovers:

Draw & Release (2 part series) - Rated E - Clint Barton/Jason Todd: Clint gets a tattoo & finds a new boyfriend/Dom

Sterek (Teen Wolf):

UNLESS - Rated T - A Fern Gullyish AU where Stiles is a fairy, Derek is a 3 inch tall werewolf and Kate is even more toxic than usual, bookbinding by @eviscer-8

Take a Glorious Bite Out of the Whole World - Rated E - Stiles has known for ten years that Derek is his soulmate, Derek didn't even know Stiles existed. Soulmates, happy ending, alive Hale family. With art by @angeleyz4ever

Lie On My Front - Rated E - Derek & Stiles find themselves trapped inside a crate in a compromising position. Porn with a teensy bit of plot

Somewhere Under the Rainbow - Rated T - Wild geese can't be bothered to catch sidekicks. Fluff, magic, leprechauns, banter

[stupid-raccoon]

Mkulia headcannons

• MK has forced Julia to play every single FNaF game known to man, official and fanmade, and watch the movie

• They sit in the parking lot at Walmart and people watch

• MK is an age regressor(2-4) and Julia is her CG 100000%

• While regressed, MK usually either wanders off, or stays in the same room as her at all times, no in between but she isnt too hyper usually, just walking off while Julia isnt looking

• For Julias birthday, MK thinks its the funniest thing in the world to take her to a restraunt and get all the waiters to sing happy birthday to her and make a scene

• Parents have yelled at them for laughing their asses off whenever a kid faceplants or runs into something and falls

• They ironically read bakudeku omegaverse and have never once taken it seriously, whenever theyre in an argument MK will quote one of them while laughing and Julia will drop the whole argument and leave the room

• MK has a concerning amount of yippee creatures in their room

• Just like how MK would quote the omegaverse, Julia would say Mary Kate in every sentence to piss her off

• Mk has binge watched Bluey and made Julia watch it with her while regressed, Julia tolerates it to an extent

• Mk thrives off of redbull, Julia has made a set time of when Mk gets cut off and how many shes allowed to drink per day since Mk has gotten up at 3AM to get her 9th redbull of the night

• They were both gacha kids and have shown each other their gacha yt channel they had when they were like 8 that somehow got over 300k subs

•Also I feel like Mk is asexual, I could NOT imagine her ever having sex

•Julia convinced Mk to get fake nails one time, after she tried using the bathroom, never again. She could not function with them

•Julia would get MK a carseat. I have almost the same body size as MK shes just like 4-5 inches shorter than me and if I can fit into one she can too

•On the topic of Mk being an age regressor. She would use pacifiers sometimes while shes not regressed just for stimming. She seems like the type of person to not give a fuck, the only reason she cared abt the unicorn was bc it was announced on international TV

•Bowie would help Julia make the carseat MKproof, it would be bite proof, and tight enouh to not strangle her but she cant wiggle free

•Why would MK have a carseat you might ask? Stealing, wreckless driving, they would have a huge ass car, maybe even a bus for the whole cast to go on road trips and MK would try to jump out the window off a dare Ripper or Chase said.

[numptypylon]

Downtime’s Up - Chapter 1

“I can tell people you had too much cider and went to bed?” Ezran offered. “If you don’t want to go back there.”

“I’m okay. You go back inside. I’ll join you guys, just give me a few minutes alone to… get Party-Callum fired back up.”

“Party-Callum doesn’t sound very fired up,” Ezran frowned. “I think Party-Callum is a myth, like two-horned unicorns. Have you met Party-Callum? I know I haven’t.”

“Party-Callum exists! Just… he’s a shy beastie, so you have to give him time, and he’ll come out.” Callum growled, like he had used to, when they’d been kids and he’d chased Ezran around pretending to be a banther. He wished he could have managed a less half-hearted attempt, but as it were, he sounded like a sad and forlorn banther who wasn’t currently feeling the fun murder-rage-chase.

Ezran’s arms locked tight around him, like they had back then too, during their childhood game. Ez had claimed banthers needed hugs too, that the growls were just friendly grumpy-noises, like Bait’s.

“I’m okay."

“I know,” Ezran said, not letting go of him. “Party-Callum needs a hug though, I can tell. He’s had no fun at his own party, which is sad, considering how very not-a-myth and in attendance at this party he totally is.”

Callum snorted, the sound muffled by Ezran’s thick curls. “He’s okay, too. And totally not-a-myth.”

Ezran nodded, stepping away. “Because it’s your birthday, you get to keep your illusions.”

Ezran disappeared back into the warm, golden light of the party.

Callum turned towards the distant, untouchable silver of the moon.

Read more of the FIRST chapter of S4-6 between-canon-scenes fic Downtime's Up on Ao3! I'm so excited to start posting this!

[raayllum]

also cause I'm not there yet in my 5x08 liveblog but because even just a whiff of "Callum gave Finnegrin the spell" made the fandom troll come running into my inbox to say otherwise, just wanna clear up a few things for peace of mind before we get there

The first is that I know it was the fandom troll because of the timing & presentation, not necessarily because the now deleted/blocked ask had the "Callum purposefully gave Finnegrin the wrong spell" take. While that was an indication to me that this was probably the fandom troll since they seem to take issue with my characterization of Callum in particular, perfectly smart reasonable people have also proposed that possibility of the spell ingredients being not entirely accurate as purposeful; it's not exclusive to crappy people by any measure.

With all that in mind, I want to discuss how I view the scene (and indeed how I think it's meant to be interpreted per a casual viewer reading) as well as why I think Callum giving Finnegrin a not word-for-word accurate actually kind of makes his choice more morally questionable, not less

So let's begin

1) I don't think the scene's intended takeaway is that Callum gave Finnegrin the wrong spell

I think Callum panicked, and he folded, and he would've told Finnegrin anything the pirate had asked for in that moment to try and spare Rayla's life. While TDP is an immensely detailed show in many ways (hell I have a tag dedicated to just those details), every scene still has to ultimately work for a casual viewer. I don't think this scene is any exception. One of the first things in the series that we learn is that humans took down the King of the Dragons with dark magic and it's a repeated fact throughout most of the first season, and into the third when we see the events that transpired exactly.

So when Finnegrin mentions it, we're probably going to remember that was a thing that happened and it involved Harrow and Viren, but we're probably not going to remember the specific ingredients. Therefore, like Finnegrin, most audience members are going to take Callum at his word, especially since throughout most of his conversation with Finnegrin, Callum is arguably far more honest than he needs to be (fessing up that he did dark magic at all, mentioning that he studies all the primals, that he did the spell to save a friend at all - which is exactly why Finnegrin sets him the hand cutting test to try and break him, etc). The scene - again, for the audience's benefit - even as Callum clarify for those that wouldn't remember why he was spouting things about dying breaths and unicorn horns, because again, I do think this is the Intended Takeaway:

Part of the reason I think Callum panicked (other than Jack de Sena's wonderful voice acting and uneven breaths) is because, if Callum was thinking clearly enough to withhold information purposefully, he could've considered 1) that Finnegrin is bluffing about threatening Rayla (Callum cannot see her or any of the others, so that could be the case) and 2) Finnegrin would have limited means to know that Callum was lying if Callum said exclusively the wrong ingredients and sent him on a wild goose chase. To give as much as he did accurately was dangerous (but we'll talk more about that in a second).

We also know from instances in the previous seasons and just the prior episode that Callum doesn't have all sky spells (ones that he can do whenever he wants basically) memorized either, and that it's not out of the realm of possibility that Viren would've fudged a little to Harrow about some components of the spell (such as emphasizing love and hatred) because he was actively trying to convince - somewhat guilt-trip and manipulate - Harrow into doing something didn't really want to do, but ultimately couldn't say no to.

However, one of the things that's the most fun meta is reading into things deeply, looking at various character interpretations, and seeing what we can find below the surface level / casual viewership read. Just because something may not be the 'intended takeaway' (which can already be hard to define) doesn't mean it's not a real possibility, especially if enough dots connect, and doesn't mean it's not worthwhile and or without merit.

So let's look at the scene from the assumption that Callum is giving Finnegrin a not totally accurate spell On Purpose - what does he omit, what does that tell us, and where does that leave us from a character standpoint?

2) Haha, jk, unless...?

First things first, let's look at what Callum says vs what Viren says

No, no, wait! A dying breath. Blood filled with hatred. And a unicorn horn. That's the dark magic you want.

In her final moments, I captured something that I hoped we could use later. It contains her dying breath. [...] Claudia captured a unicorn and brought me its horn. The dying breath. The unicorn's pure horn. There's one last component I need. The undying hatred of one who loved the victim. Your blood.

Now, even Viren's stance and the circumstances of the spell isn't entirely clear. We don't know if any dying breath would do, or if it had to be Sarai's (and had to go her killer, as opposed to someone else). We don't know if the spell requires the unicorn's horn to be 'pure' (I'm assuming not already corrupted somehow with dark magic) or if it would work regardless. And we don't know whether the hatred or love is more important, or just one, or if they're equally important. It's quite a list, after all.

Which is why I think in some ways Callum's lack of specificity actually makes what Callum told Finnegrin more dangerous, whether you read the minor omissions as intentional or not.

Cause think of it this way, you're a pirate lord and you want to kill your enemy. You heard from this mage kid that any dying breath would do. What's your next move going to be? You're probably going to murder a random member of your crew and collect the breath because you were never told it had to be your loved one's final breath (which would make the spell impossible).

So that's one murder down, bare minimum. Then you're going to either send people out or word that you're looking for a unicorn horn at a port where people already canonically smuggle dark magic supplies (Chasing Shadows, TDP reflection). This will either lead to you hiring people to eliminate one of the - it appears to be - few remaining unicorns that still exist to bring you the horn, or if you've put out a reward, multiple dark mages / mercenaries may try their hand at killing one and bringing the horn to you. That's probably 1-5 unicorn murders as a result, if the mages are working not in communication with each other and all vying for the reward. This is also assuming that none of the mercenaries or mages come back empty handed and get harmed or killed because of Finnegrin's anger at their failures.

You also might torment and torture someone else to get them to hate you before you drain them of blood / take their blood for the spell, again not realizing that 'love' has to be a facet of it. At best, that would maybe be what you do to the crew member before you kill them for their final breath.

Then, once he has all the ingredients (and he'd need some sort of incantation, because dark magic is a lot of steps and processes) there's two main avenues.

Either these all work and he successfully has his weapon of vengeance needed to kill Domina Profundis, because what was given was enough. This would mean Callum's actions led to about 2-3 successful murders of mostly innocent people and possibly more political upheaval at the death of another archdragon (the ocean would certainly be out of whack, but it's not clear how much, if any, political power Domina still holds).

It doesn't work and Finnegrin, stubborn as he is about control and loathe to admit he can't commandeer something (magic and wills included), figures that something went wrong and tries again, having to collect the ingredients all over again. Depending on how many times he'd try (I feel like maybe 2-3 max), this could put those murders up to maybe nine innocent individuals, assuming Finnegrin's worsening temper over his failures doesn't increase the tally.

Rattling off the accurate spell ingredients could've actually minimized the damage, because any of the specifics might've stopped Finnegrin in his tracks. If Finnegrin just needed hatred of one who loved the victim, he could've fulfilled that on his own with some of his own blood ("I loved that crab" and her definitely hates Domina Profundis). The one that could've entirely halted his plan is if the dying breath had to come from the victim, in which case the chance to avenge his beloved crab is long gone. Finnegrin could've heard the list of very specific ingredients, deduced that he would not be capable of carrying out the spell, and been on his merry way to use Rayla as revenge fish bait.

But by giving Finnegrin an 'imperfect' list, Callum made the pirate captain more likely to engage in the violence required to get there, without an actual textual guarantee to the audience that what was given wouldn't have worked, either (aka we have two ingredients list and without a third to tip the scales, it'll always be a technical 50-50, maybe 60-40 read in favour of Viren).

So where does that leave us?

With these two readings in mind, you have two options:

Callum is willing to sacrifice Domina Profundis', and a few unnamed innocent lives/creatures, to save Rayla and thereby gave Finnegrin a dangerous in its own way, if not more dangerous because of potential increased collateral damage, list of spell ingredients, because he acted entirely out of emotionally fuelled panic where he wasn't totally thinking clearly

OR

Callum is willing to sacrifice unnamed innocent lives and creatures, but not Domina Profundis', in order save Rayla, because he decided on purpose to give Finnegrin a more achievable sounding list of ingredients that would increase collateral damage, but not let him kill the dragon, because he made a calculated decision on purpose that those lives were worth less than Rayla's and Domina's to him (for some reason, as she's a stranger to him)

To be clear, I would love the second option as an interpretation because I do think Callum can be calculating and I do think that's the far more Viren-like option - choosing what to sacrifice for other people in the mindset of harm mitigation ("A thousand men and women are prepared to fall protecting you tonight, but you won't let one sacrifice their lives for you?" / "If you must choose, choose the egg").

But again, given the framing of the scene I think the first reading is 1) more sympathetic and speaks to Callum's more compassionate emotional nature and 2) is the intended takeaway, but if people want to read it as Callum strategically deciding that certain lives - other than Rayla's - were worth sacrificing that so she and Domina Profundis wouldn't be killed, that is absolutely a valid prerogative.

It's just not mine

[gottawritesomething]

Chase me

Scene of Tav and Gale doing illusion magic for the tiefling kids

_______________________________________

Dust clogged the air as the patter of a dozen or more pairs of feet swept through the grotto. Gale stepped clear as the little tieflings almost swept him off his feet. Seemingly singularly focused on their chase, save for the hoots and yells that escaped their mouths as they scrambled up and down the rocks of the inner grotto. The installation of Karlach's improved heart required the utmost precision, so their troupe had remained at the Grove for the greater part of the day. Compared to the ongoing chaos that took place outside the green covered walls it had seemed almost mundane and so far, this had been the most interesting occurrence since their arrival.

Gale craned his neck to catch a glimpse of what had so enchanted the youths. From his vantage point he could see one of the tallest children had cornered what looked to be a small fox. Except for the simple fact most foxes’ fur did not spark with blue lightening. Small bolts danced from tuft to tuft as the children marveled at the curious creature. Suddenly with an audible pop, the fox became obscured by a shimmering cloud, the thick fog entirely obscuring the place the animal had just occupied. The children began to argue and encourage those closest to wade into the fog. Just as the tallest had seemed to gather their courage enough to take a step, an echoing cry shook the small audience. Faster than the eyes could track, the fog was pushed apart by the great wings of a translucent raven. With a single beat it soared over the heads of the children, once again rallying them to chase it. Gale watched the bird carefully as the tielfings split themselves into smaller groups, attempting a new strategy of capture. The raven tucked in its wings and hurtled towards the ground, moments before impact, opening its wings and a burst of feathers to transform into a glittering pink deer galloping about the cave. 

Gale allowed himself to be the slightest bit impressed; he’d always held a soft spot for illusion magic, but it rarely gathered accolades within wizarding academics. Every illusion produced was judged with the rigor of a professional art appraiser putting a piece of fine art up for auction. The illusions stemmed from one’s imagination and represented the creativity of the caster, so to put one on display was to share a part of yourself with an audience, hoping for an unshattered heart by the end. Perhaps sorcerers had no use for this mentality; he mused. Gale watched Tav’s fingers trace the air as though mixing paints on a pallet. Her eyes stayed on her conjured animal, which had recently become a unicorn with a great glowing horn, much to the children's delight. She had a fluidity and looseness in her movements that would never have been permitted while he attended school but it was hard to argue with the beauty of her work. Gale watched the Weave gather around her fingers like she was pulling it into her arms to sculpt, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she watched her beast burst into a dozen flaming butterflies. The genuineness of her enjoyment in this act of creation warmed him like a hearty stew as he felt a similar smile begin to spread onto his own face, when he heard a soft sniffle.

Gale peered around the rock outcrop to see the previously silent tiefling child Doni, his arms wrapped around his knees, watching the others run. A few tears peppered his face, but he seemed unharmed. Gale knelt to the boy’s level, much to the protestation of his knees. Doni did not appear fearful, only overwhelmed. In a bid to sooth the boy’s upset Gale recalled a spell he’d learned early in his training. Showing Doni his palms and indicating he mirror them. Doni looked curious but shook his head, failing to raise his hands from his lap. Gale hummed for a moment, waved his hand and then with a gentle pop, a velvety rabbit hopped to the ground. Doni looked stunned, reaching out a hand to pet the animal only to find his hand pass through its form. At the child's hesitation, Gale gave a second wave of the hand and the rabbit became three rabbits, then five. By this point Doni was on his feet. The sniffle was replaced by a beaming smile as he assessed the solidity of each rabbit, his fingers only finding the rocky ground beneath, causing him to giggle. He turned back to Gale, then pointed at Tav’s now rainbow-colored hawk. Doni watched, eyes wide, as the rabbits became swallowtails, their feathers a royal purple to match Gale’s robes. With rustle of feathers and the flapping of many wings, the birds appeared to land gracefully on Doni’s shoulders and waiting hands. Before Gale could say anything else, Doni was off towards the gaggle of other children.

The first two that spotted him ran full tilt at Doni, as he lifted the birds towards them. He beamed as the others joined into the semi-circle, mimicking petting each of the birds. There were hushed discussions of names and which was prettiest. Gale’s chest swelled with quiet pride as he caught Tav’s gaze on him. Her eyes met his, and their smiles matched. She gestured to his newly conjured birds, mouthing “Beautiful”. He did a small performative bow, mostly in an effort to obscure his now pink tinted face and all too pleased smirk. 

As he rose from the bow, he watched her hand attempt to obscure a smile. He watched her hands move to dismiss her own illusion; and something like loss stirred in him. With his careful direction, his birds took flight from Doni’s shoulders, encircling her hawk before merging into a single bird. Its tail now filled with long, curling purple feathers, small sparks falling harmlessly from every wing beat. Gale looked to Tav, half encouraging, half imploring. She raised her hands as their birds began to dance across the air. They tumbled and wove, Tav’s favoring large swooping movements while Gale’s intricately dove through the turns. They chased each other across the sky, darting between the rocky terrain, twirling and twining like vines. The hawk's wings beat slowly as the grand purple bird rose to meet it in midair. The children had given up the chase while most of the Grove had stopped to watch their dance as the two birds rose in tandem, their wing tips brushing, the light between them now blinding. With a final musical cry, Tav’s dissolved into glittering snowflakes as Gale’s burst into falling stars. As the claps faded and they’d taken their appropriate bows, their eyes met once more, and his heart leaped as if to follow the path the birds had taken across the sky.

[weirdozjunkary]

I did another fic in the PIB AU. This time of the infamous panic attack scene. It’s fairly long, but not the longest I’ve ever written

———————

KA- FWEEEW!!!

A spectactical aray of confetti bursted from the baker inspo the air. Sonic splat, the confetti clinging to himself. At any other time, this cluster of colourful paper adorned with a cute party horn would’ve been cheerful, but now it seemed more gruesome.

“BLEGH! What?!”

“OHOHO! So that’s what they do!” Ivo cheered. He was already aiming up another shot. Unicorn horns are deadly. “Cool!”

“NO! ITS NOT COOL!” The iridecent beatle shouted, appalled at the doctors amazement by this spread of colourful destruction.

Another horn stuck into a bakers side. “AUGHYOU SHOT ME-“

KA-FWEEEW!!!

Another explosion right in the hedgehogs face. He sneezed at the dust and confetti in the air. “Ugh! The sight is off!” He heard ivo groan. And just as he could stop himself from sneezing, Sonic was hoisted up by his bandana.

“I got him mister Horner!” Another horn stuck into the bakers side.

“MY BAD!”

“Oh no.”

KA-BLAM!!

Silence. Only accompanied by a faint growing ringing through the hedgehogs ears as he flew through the air slowly. It didn’t stop till he tumbled against the ground, his bandana untying itself from his throat. There, just within arms reach, it was the map. It had fallen out of his grasp through the explosion. And as the world around him moved by in slow motion, he propped up on a knee and reached out a hand to it.

He froze. That sound. That sharp and sickening melody that made his hair stand up on end and his stomach twist violently. He could hear it. Just a few feet behind him.

He gasped out air from his lungs. Hoping to god that when his eyes drifted from the map behind him that he wouldn’t see what he dreaded to see. But once his body was fully turned around. As his heart pounded in his ears and his lungs felt tight and empty. He could see it. That jackal. Unsheathing his sickles from his dark cloak. Staring at him with his vibrant eyes.

He is here. HOW is he here? The last time he saw him was running from Ivo Horner’s bakery. And still, those eyes, so glassy but vibrant like marbles. They pierced frozen daggers into his. It made them ache.

His body moved before his brain caught up. His heart raced in his ears, pounding so hard his chest hurtt. His lungs were on fire as he wheezed while he ran. Ran away. Ran far. Ran fast. Just get away from this fucking maniac!!!

“Sonic? SONIC! WAIT!” Tails shouted, grabbing his fallen bandana and chasing after him.

“Tails?” Shadow puzzled. He took his eyes off of the map for a second. Just enough for the face of a large hammer to whack him away.

“Thanks for the map, Stripes!” Amy gawked as she laid her eyes on the map she snatched up from the ground. It sparkled and shimmered. Changing the scenery on it and then the world around them. The ground broke and shifted, sending cliffs and pine trees high into the air.

“NO!” Both Shadow and Ivo shouted in anger at the group that ascended higher into the air.

“HEY! You’ve just been crimed by the Chaotix Crime family!” The young bee shouted.

“So long, you plonkers!” Amy added and left with the rest of them. Projectiles flying past them as they ran into the newly formed forest behind.

“!LOS VOY HACER A TODOS ALFOMBRAS DE BAÑO!” Shadow angrily shouted. He kicked the ground and bared his teeth in frustration. “GRAGH!!! SONIC!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

His legs could barely keep him standing. The only reason why he didn’t fall over yet was the proper yak motion of his legs keeping him going forward. His footsteps were heavy and sporadic, so was his breathing. He heaved with each step, each movement of his arms. His eyes darting around the dark forest. He could’ve sworn he saw him. His face. His eyes. Him. The one trying to take his life.

“SONIC! SONIC!” The twin tailed fox cried out with worry. Where could he have gone?

There. He was at the base of a tree. Huffing and heaving as his eyes continued to dart around in front of him. That hunter is near. He’s just waiting to pounce. Waiting to strike. He’s here. He has to be.

“Sonic! Sonic! Are you okay? What’s wrong?!”

Tails’ voice fell deaf on Sonic’ ears. He huffed and wheezed with tears in his eyes. He was waiting for him, the jackal. The moment for him to strike. He didn’t know if Tails was truly there or not. And Tails. This boy was so worried for his friend. He felt helpless. Moreso Sonic to Tails.

But, he looked at Sonic’s face. The pure terror and panic in his eyes. And almost as if he had done this before, he rested his head against his chest. He could feel it, hear it. His heartbeat so fast and loud. A sporadic rhythm that pounded so hard that it could leap right out of his chest.

But as Tails laid there, his eyes shut and an arm wrapped over the hedgehog, he felt a hand lay gently on his head, and the hedgehog’s heart and breathing slow. He didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t even open his eyes. He just laid there as Sonic pet him. He only looked at him once he heard him huff out a sigh.

“Thank you, Tails.” He said.

“What’s going on with you, Sonic?”

Sonic stammered and looked away. He couldn’t look this sweet boy in the face. Not to tell him what’s really been going on. Why he decided to pursue this star. What his wish truly was. “I… I am down to my last life. And I…” He gulped down a hard lump. “I am afraid.”

“Well, it’s okay to be afraid.”

“No! Not for Sonic the Hedgehog! I’m supposed to be a fearless hero. A legend.” He slumped further down the base of the tree. “But without any lives to spare. I am… nothing.” He shot up and clenched a determined fist. “I need that wish to get my lives back!”

“You should tell Shadow, then. He would understand-“

“No no no! He can’t hear none of this stuff!” Sonic said as he put a hand over the fox’s mouth briefly to silence him.

“Okay?”

What neither of them knew, was not far behind them was the black hedgehog, slicing through the prickled grass. “¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su zorro?” He muttered to himself. His ears shot up once he could hear the blue hedgehog.

“Shadow will never trust me again. Not after Santa Coloma.”

“But that was just one bad heist.”

“Santa Coloma wasn’t a heist, Tails. It was a church. With a priest and guests… and Shadow.” He reminisced back to that day. A sour feeling painfully waved over his chest. “Everything but me. I ran away then too.”

“Oh...” Tails responded, letting his mind wander a little. “Oh.” He finally gasped in shock once the realization hit him. “OH! You left him at the altar?”

“It was wrong, I know. I’m ashamed of it.” He sighed. “I just wish I hadn’t hurt ‘em so badly. I regret that day a lot.”

“So… maybe you should tell that to Shadow. It might make you feel better about it. It might make him feel better about it, too.”

Shadow stood behind the tree, arms crossed and a look of uncertainty clearly on his face. Of course Sonic wouldn’t have said this to his face, his pride was too fragile to admit defeat. But, something about what he said, perhaps the tone or what have you. It felt genuine, though full of sadness and melancholy.

He had been running all his life, both of them. Running from enemies, from friends, loved ones, eachother. Running out of fear. Fear of being betrayed, of being hurt again. He was like him, even if they didn’t know the extent of it— of each other— they both were running. Maybe. Maybe they don’t need to run.

“Sonic! Fox!” Shadow called as he came into their view. “There you two are. What the hell happened?”

“S-Shadow!” Sonic stammered and stood up, finally tying his bandana back on. “I-uh- I lost the map. I messed up.”

“We’ll get it back, don’t worry. We’ve been in worse prickles.”

“WHAT?! Who told you that name?!” Sonic shouted, only to receive a confused look from shadow.

“…What name?”

“Uh… n-nothing!”

[deadsince1973]

What happened to Despicable Me?

(SPOILERS for Despicable Me 4 ahead)

I went to see Despicable Me 4 today, and it was easily the worst of the franchise.

I think there were two overlapping problems. The first one is that there were too many characters and too many storylines, and they all felt truncated. The second is that the storylines themselves, truncated or not, were bad. Let's look at the storylines that we got.

First, the big point of this movie: Gru has a baby son now. The arc with the baby is that the baby doesn't like Gru, but then by the end, the baby learns to love his father. That is such a stupid storyline! Babies are not capable of determining who they like and who they dislike. That's just not how that stage of brain development works. I admit, I may not be the target audience of this movie (even though I should be; more on the below), but babies in movies are, in my opinion, annoying, and not at all cute or funny. I heard once that "all animals in movies act like dogs", and not just real dogs, but like idealized versions of dogs, who can think and emote like humans. I actually love that trope, because I love the fantasy that my pets or an exotic pet it would be cool to have could be a true friend to me, as an equal who could understand me and respond to me with intelligence and insight. I can only speculate that many people enjoy having the same fantasy about babies; all I'm certain of is that this storyline did not work for me at all.

Then there's the cluster of storylines making up the premise that Gru's family is now in witness protection. -Margot is upset about leaving her friends and having to start at a new school. She gets bullied on her first day. And that is the last we hear about that. -Edith and Agnes go to a karate class. (For the entire day? Why didn't Edith have to go to school?) She breaks the teacher's toe. And that's the last we hear about that. -Agnes is upset about having to leave Lucky, her pet unicorn/goat from Despicable Me 3. That does get wrapped up in the end, but it's absent from the middle of the movie. It's not even really an arc or a storyline, more a callback to the last movie. -Agnes is also upset about having to use a fake name in witness protection, because that's lying and she doesn't want to lie. That's potentially a good storyline because it would result in actual character growth, but it also goes nowhere! Agnes never uses her fake name, and that has no consequences (other than setting up Edith's story). -Lucy's new identity is a hairdresser, and she burns down the salon while working with her first client. The client later tries to chase her down in the grocery store for the sake of a wacky chase scene. Lucy and the girls escape, and we never hear from the injured client again. -Gru wants to make friends with his new neighbor in order to prove that he's not awkward. He plays tennis with the neighbor, but the game is interrupted by the arrival of the antagonist. The neighbor is never seen again.

Even though there isn't even enough room in the movie for all the family members, they still added a new character, Poppy. Poppy is the neighbor's teenage daughter and an aspiring supervillain who blackmails Gru into helping with a heist. Why? What does that have to do with either of the main two plots? (It does tie in with them, but it was entirely unnecessary to them.) Poppy later makes friends with Gru's daughters, but then she disappears during the climax, and she's only seen again during the ending montage, when we see that she got admitted to the villain school. What happened to her pet honey badger? We'll never know.

The A-plot, the one that's set up in the first scene, the one that drives Gru and his family into witness protection, the one that the movie ends on, is about Gru's high school bully. Really though, other than being the catalyst for putting Gru's family in witness protection, he has precious little role in the story. There's a reason this story is so far down the list. There's also yet another new character, Principal Ubelschlect. She's the boss fight of the heist Gru and Poppy do together, but, since the heist was pointless, she's a pointless character too. (This is how Poppy technically ties into both of the main storylines, by the way. Gru brought his son along on his heist, so the heist related to the bonding arc Gru had with him. But the heist was not the catalyst for the baby finally bonding with Gru, so what was the point of bringing the baby along at all?! And when the heist goes awry and Principal Ubelschlecht catches them in the act, she contacts the bully to join her in attacking Gru's safehouse. But there are any number of ways that the bully could have found Gru's location without making a whole other involved storyline that rivaled the main storyline for screen time! That should have been a single story beat, not a lengthy sequence.)

Of course, there are also the cutaways to the minions' wacky antics. This is why I say I should have been the target audience for this movie. I love the minions. Obviously this is a very small sample size, but it seemed to me that I laughed more at the minions in this movie than anyone else in the theater. I mean, if that's an accurate perception, then why were any of those other people even going to see this movie? Despicable Me is the minion franchise. If you don't like minions, this movie isn't for you. And if you do like minions, then this movie should be for you. Anyway, they split the minions into two groups for this movie: exactly the same symptom as the rest of the characters had! One group had a recurring gag about a minion being stuck in a vending machine. Okay, that doesn't need to be that developed. But it was entirely unrelated to the other minions' storyline, which felt weird! The other minions' storyline was the "Mega Minions", the ones in the promotional material. This storyline was about five minions who got superpowers and tried to become superheroes. It had nothing to do with any other plotline whatsoever. It felt a little bit like a retread of the mutated purple minions from the second movie, but the mutated minions actually connected to the main story of that movie!

Altogether, this movie just felt cobbled together from a bunch of disparate ideas. The animation felt as good to me as ever, but the writing and the design felt like it was rushed out the door. It felt like a bunch of people had got asked to write an idea for a funny thing to do with the characters from this franchise, and then they just put a bunch of those ideas in without considering how they would weave together into a single coherent movie.

And all of this is just my analysis of the problems with the stories. It doesn't address some of the other, smaller problems I had with the movie. -The baby was named Gru, Jr. I HATE when characters have a baby and they name one of them "Junior". Not only does it smack of a lack of creativity, but it also really shows how little the writers value the character. This might seem a little hypocritical after I implied above that babies aren't even human and complained about how there shouldn't have been so much of the baby in the movie, but I think calling a baby "Junior" exacerbates the problem. It's implicitly telling me, the viewer, not to care about this character as his own person, but to think of him as an extension of his father. Why should I care about him then?

Speaking of wanting less of the baby in the movie, I just want to add that part of the reason why I dared to have higher hopes for this movie despite the presence of the baby in the marketing is because of the Shrek movies. A friend of mine told me the other day that they had noped out of the Shrek franchise when babies became involved because they feel the exact same way I do about babies in media. But I don't really think that's fair. Shrek the Third and Shrek Forever After did an admirable job of keeping the babies on the periphery. I'm just bringing this up to say that that was very much an option for this movie too. They could've had their cake and eaten it too.

Almost as criminal as the poor writing was the poor design. The main villain, the bully, was cockroach-themed. That's not bad, per se, but compare him to the villains from previous films: Vector, who had both direction and magnitude (how memorable was that line?!); El Macho and his pet chicken; Bratt and his 1980's theming; Scarlet, with her feminist bent and perky personality, and her husband Herb who was delightfully 1960's; and the Vicious 6, all of whom had amusing puns for names: Jean-Clawed, Nun-Chuck, and Svengeance being the stand-outs for me. I guess, on paper, a cockroach theme isn't any worse than any of these other villains, but Maxime really had nothing else going for him other than his French accent. He didn't have a funny name, he didn't have an over-the-top personality, and he didn't have a particularly memorable style.

Finally, and here's where I'm fine with being disagreed with because it's just a matter of taste, but: as a general rule, I don't like bathroom humor in kid's movies. There were two jokes that were just about an animal pooing, and, worst of all in my opinion, was one of the English words in the Minionese. My friend and I had been discussing whether the one Mega Minion had "a cone head" or "was a missile." Well, one of the other minions shouted "suppository" when it jumped off a rooftop. So that clears that argument up. -_-

I just think this is a real shame because, while the other movies weren't flawless (except possibly for Minions), they all had a charm to them and at least a few good jokes. I'm also the type of person to find the storylines of Despicable Me 2 and 3 painful, but at least there were enough moments that I found sweet or endearing in those movies that I still enjoyed them more than I expected I would. This was the opposite, because the only moment I found charming at all was when the camera did a fly-through of the AVL office and we saw the minions participating in a wide variety of activities. I'm always a sucker for that.

This honestly makes me reluctant to hope for a future for this franchise. :/

[ecargmura]

Wonderful Precure Episode 38 Review - Komugi's Previous Owner

I never thought the topic of Komugi’s previous owner would actually be a part of the plot. I would just assume that Komugi has been abandoned as a reason why Komugi is so loyal and devoted to Iroha, but there’s something more behind the scenes…yet it also doesn’t explain too much.

Komugi’s previous owner Kurihara had to be sent to a senior care facility, so Komugi was taken to a shelter. She escaped her cage and ran off, got hurt and then met Iroha in the rain. However, Komugi doesn’t remember any of it. That’s what’s bothering me. It’s only been two years since Komugi lived with the Inukais. Dogs are good at remembering things, but it does seem a little odd that Komugi just completely forgot about Kurihara completely. She doesn’t even remember her old name. It makes me wonder if something happened during the time frame of her escaping the shelter to her being found by Iroha that caused her memories to be erased? We don’t even have an answer to what had hurt her that day. Given the preview for the next episode, it makes me wonder if Gaou has something to do with it.

It’s a little unusual to have Iroha and Komugi focus so late into the story, but it’s welcomed. Iroha has been getting some focus lately with her romance plot with Satoru. Iroha focus had been in the earlier episodes with how she became a Precure because she wanted to protect Komugi. Though, it’s really nice that it’s brought up now and that Iroha cannot abide to the promise she made to Yoko. After everything that has happened since Komugi came into her life, Iroha doesn’t want to part with her beloved dog. It makes sense. She’s a loving person and I do like that she’s being selfish about this because she found and raised Komugi. I get her. I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to give my dogs back to their previous owners or to a new one. I love them so much.

Kurihara seems like a sweet man in general. I do wonder why the episode didn’t conclude with Iroha and Komugi promising to let Kurihara see Komugi every once in a while. It sucks that he lost Komugi, formerly named Marron. Given she escaped the shelter, it seemed that Komugi was trying to look for her previous owner, but then met Iroha.

The part with Torame chasing the sloat was cute, but I do wonder how the heck he found the egg. Did he always have it with it? It just magically appeared into his hand. Now that we’re almost at the forty-episode mark, I do wonder just how many more eggs are left.

Also, there was a sneak peek of human Niko at the end, watching over the group with a smile. Niko, since when can you do that? We’re almost at the 40-episode mark and you’re gonna be the fifth Precure? Is she going to be a Precure? Maybe she just has a human form but is still a supporting role as Goddess of Niko Garden? So many theories surrounding this unicorn… What are your thoughts?

[trashlama]

Hi would it be alright if I ask what wips are you working on ?

just wanna make sure I don’t in a request that someone else already sent in XD

hope your doing ok :)

Thank you for your concern! My carpal tunnel has been approving somewhat these last few weeks! Hopefully I'll be able to find some free time this weekend while I'm off to knock down some of this list.

Also if you do happen to send in an idea similar to someone else's; don't worry too much about it because I don't mind, I like the challenge~ Duplicates give me the opportunity to try out different ideas that I may have for a single plot/theme.

Btw sorry about not really posting anything these last few weeks... I kinda forgot to pay my wifi bill so I didn't really have internet for awhile until I got paid again... Anyways—

Here we are!

P.S. I might add more later on.

WIPS LIST

ROTTMNT

Future Yandere Turtle Series: Leo, Donnie Raph, Mikey

Another future Yan Donatello x Reader short fic I got planned

ROTTMNT Yandere Adults Series: Draxum, Big Mama, Lou Jitsu/Splinter

Yan Raph x Reader Zombie AU

Yan ROTTMNT Spiderverse AU! x Reader headcanons/drabble

Yan ROTTMNT x Spiderverse Reader headcanons/drabbles

Yan Donatello x Reader Jack the Ripper AU!

Fluffy Yan Platonic Future Leon/Preteen reader

Witch Reader x Yan Post movie Mikey

Time Mistress Reader x Yan Post movie Leo

Yan Leo x mutated rabbit S/o

Platonic Yan Hamato Clan x Reader

Yan Leo x Chubby s/o

Yan Donatello x Trans Woman s/o

Yan Future Mikey x stubborn Reader

Yan TMNT 2k12 vs Yan ROTTMNT x Reader

Platonic Yan Jealous Older Brother Donatello with Little sibling Reader

Yan Raph vs Donnie x Salamander!Mutant!Reader

Self-Aware Yan Mad Dogs x Real World Reader

TMNT 2k3

Yan Turtle's reactions to s/o being mutated in front of them

TMNT 2k12

Song req (Random Turtle) x Reader

Yan Mikey x Human Bff Headcanons

Yan TMNT 2K12 vs Yan ROTTMNT x Reader Headcanons

Raph Vs Leo x Purple Dragon Thief Reader

Yan Casey Vs Yan Donnie Vs Yan Mikey x April's friend Reader

LMK

Yan Not the Mayor x Tang apprentice Reader

Yan MK x Ex-possed LBD Reader

Fluffy Red Son x Reader sketches

Yan Red Son x Macaque's assistant Reader x Yan Mei

Yan Macaque x Reader chase scene

Yan Platonic Azure Lion vs Sun Wukong x Reader

Yan Spider Queen/Spider Gang x Moth Demon reader

HTTYD

Yan Snotlout x Gobber's apprentice Reader x Yan Eret

Yan Snotlout vs Yan Eret x Reader

Yan Snotlout x Dragon Rider Reader

Fluffy Yan Snotlout x Dragon Rider Reader

Yan Hiccup x isekaied Reader

Yan Hiccup x Dragon Rider Reader

Yan Hiccup x Reader

Yan Hiccup x Reader who is scared of dragons

Yan Hiccup x fellow Night fury rider Reader

Yan Hybrid Toothless x Viking Reader

Yan Hybrid Toothless x Hybrid Night Fury Reader

Dead by Daylight

Leon Vs Steve x Survivor Reader

Villianous

Yan Dr Flug x Reader headcanons

Unicorn: Warriors Eternal

Yan Winston vs Yan Edred x Reader

Yan Winston x Reader

Yan Edred x Reader

Record of Ragnarok

Shy/Meek Reader x Yan Buddha

Spiderverse ATSV and ITSV

Yan Miguel O'Hara x Dimension Jumper reader

Yan Miguel O'Hara x Reader headcanons

Addiction: Yan Miguel O'Hara x Reader fic

Yan Peter B Parker x Reader headcanons

Fluffy Peter B Parker x Reader headcanons

Yan Peter B Parker x Single Mom reader headcanons

Fluffy Yan Platonic Miguel O'Hara and Platonic Yan Jessica Drew wirh Homeless Teen Reader

Yan Miles Morales x Venom!Reader

[bam-bi-buck]

911 Lonestar 5x02 Spoilers

Mama & I giggled at the dance scene

When Tommy when grab the other donuts I went “oooh” about to say “is she pregnant?” and my mom went “she’s preggers!”

Also how sweet for Carlos to bring his hubby & fam donuts 🥺

Then when Wyatt went to Owen she’s like “I’m here to talk about my daddy!”

And then after Owen turned Wyatt down Ma was like “I was not expecting him to do that” and honestly same

Then with the Harmonica girl she goes “yikes” and then when the friend said they didn’t have insurance my mom was like “then why are you doing stupid things?” Which is ironic considering how many stupid things her own child (me) has done that needed a doc (blame it on the add baby)

Then when she got mad about the tiktok trend we were like ???

Also we were excited to see Lucy’s actress (911) on a commercial for a new show

Mom laughed about Mateo’s Thanos joke which kind of surprised me, I wasn’t sure if she remembered much about any of the superhero movies I drag her too lol

And I thought Nancy’s “I always thought you were out of his league” was perfect- love TNT, always in each others corners

Mom went “what?!” about Cassandra getting to vet Tommy but I was with TK, that makes sense she’d want to vet Melody’s stepmom until she said that Cassandra wanted to vet Evie & Izzy too! They’re little girls what kind of power trip is this lady on?!

Mom: “So much for that!”

Me: “That’s what you get for trying to take the easy way out!”

Still so sad about Grace 😭

Then he called Wyatt

When Judd was like “you did what?” I immediately went like “sir you did the same thing!” And then he was immediately chill and I was like okay okay

We both screamed a little when the train hit the car

Love Paul being able to recognize what kind of sandwich it was

Then when Owen said we found your missing motorist she in a low voice goes “he’s under a train”

I awwwed at Nancy and Mateo

Dude my chest was beating so fast for Mateo but him using the unicorn was so smart

Both of us went uh oh when Franklin passed out

“I’m not a surgeon”

“No but you’re the second best thing- the person next to him” is a hard line ngl

When Tommy started walking him through she was like “I’d be like tap out! Time to tap out!”

Go Mateo Go!

Him chasing after to give him the unicorn 🥺

Since Owen is incident leader does that mean all of the 126 gets to boss around other firehouses on his behalf? Or just Marjan and Paul cuz they’re going for the lieutenant position they get to?

What about the dude on the train?!?!

Holy moly the promo for the next episode

I was like !!! No!! at TNT being trapped, especially with Tommy calling Wyatt telling him to tell Judd to take care of her girls

Then I was like lI don’t know why I’m so aah they’re not gonna die it’s episode three” and my mom sighed at me and I was like “what? Am I wrong?” She just rolled her eyes at me lol

Anyways I can’t wait for the angst of next week with Carlos & Owen worrying about TK (will Carlos think about lost time?) + Trevor & the girls being worried about Tommy (Trevor praying that if Tommy comes back safe he’ll do whatever he needs to, to get Cassandra off getting Evie & Izzy?) Mateo high of his rescue crashing down (Nancy was just with him congratulating him and now he might lose her?)

Anyways I’m so psyched for next weeks episode

[static-errorcode]

why I think some of the smiling critters are alive

In chapter one in the vents their are these writings on the wall, each in a different color, and different hand.

But their is one thing that each if the characters is their interests. Mainly picky piggy, you see she's a foodie. But one of the writings in the vent mentions food alot.

And their is more evidence. Every time a cardboard cut out of the smiling critters scream, it sounds kinda like a recording of the cartoon when they all screamed after they had to much poppy Gas, yes I looked back at the cartoon.

But their could be more evidence to this. Some of ypu might know this but their is a secret room near where dogday is. It has levers, obsticals and more. Showing that it might be for a chase scene ment to be in the game, but wad never finished.

But the fact it's hiding behind a wall kinda looks like someone wad trying to hide something or someone. Maybe dog day lied about being the last critter left to protect his friends

I mean he is the "leader" of the group and "Each trusts him to find the bright side in any situation, and to have a friendly word of encouragement should they feel down. He'll always keep his friends going, no matter what".

It could mean he hid some of the critters away into a safe place

But theirs more. Their are two smiling critters who don't scream. One of them being bobby bear hug, instead a scream at the end she just says "I'm very lonely" meaning she could have been left behind somewhere, possibly left behind during the hour of joy, maybe hiding somewhere

And there's STILL more. Picky piggy is another one to not scream, mentioning her friends, specifically on what animal they are. These animals are a elephant, a chicken, and a unicorn.

But crafty corn isn't dead either. When you go to chapter one their directions on how to escape huggy in a red color, and in her cut out, she seems to be in a argument about sharing a color of her crayons, being red.

And I know you might be thinking "oh static, she screamed in her cutout also" and your right, if it weren't for if you hit it one more time, you get a line showing she's not dead at all saying "their we go".

But like I said before the screams at the end or somewhere in their cardboard cut outs, could be them not dying but instead losing their mind, like how they went insane in the cartoon.

And that's another reason why picky piggy might be the next big bad in poppy playtime. She mentions that she's "still hungry" and how she asks "want to be friends" in a bone chilling way, possibly implying that she might be willing to eat anything. Including us

Plus we don't know if she wad talking about the bigger ones in the first place. She could be talking about the little versions as dog day says "their are millions of eyes watching" aka the little smiling critters

So their you have it, a theory with enough evidence to show the smiling critters might be alive, besides catnap, and possibly dog day.

Plus the wiki says for most of the smiling critters "Presumed Deceased" instead of "Deceased" like catnap says

[bloody-wonder]

starting new series (part two)

oops looks like i started ten more new series so here's another super long bookish post🫢

the series that was so good i'm prioritizing it this year is her instruments by mca hogarth (book one: earthrise). set in the same universe as my beloved cozy sci fi about an interspecies qpp, the dreamhealers, earthrise is a story about a down on her luck captain of a trading spaceship who gets roped into Wacky Hijinks after rescuing a space elf nobleman from space pirates. reese eddings has major stressed millenial going through the quarter life crisis energy so i related to her big time. her crew includes: a lion skunk centauroid, a giant bird that communicates in two word phrases and a pair of horny cat twins. yes, that vintage space opera cover doesn't want you to know it's actually a furry book lol. however, it's not about getting sexy with furries - it's about getting unsexy with space elves. speaking of whomst.

hirianthial is a tall blonde aristocratic space elf doctor and you can't touch him bc that would be too hot and inappropriate (and also he'll read your mind). reese hates him on sight bc he's a beautiful fairytale prince and she's a messy 30+yo who may or may not have been drowning her sorrows in binging space elf romance novels by the dozen. major "how dare you come to me now when i am this" scene from the last unicorn vibes. wouldn't it be embarrassing if reese's ulcer burst from anxiety and bad eating habits while they're being chased by the pirates and mr perfect had to operate on her esophagus? what a unique meet cute would that be!

lol to sum it up: i ship it, the furry crew ships it, reese is kicking and screaming refusing to accept that she's the heroine in a romance book, hirianthial manages to maintain his space elf mystique and keep calling her "lady" despite the fact that she's being a horrible little gremlin towards him and taking out all her issues on this poor man. the pacing of the romance is extremely slow, just the way i like it. one could even say this first book doesn't at all contain what an average romance reader would call "romance" - it's more about hirianthial becoming part of the crew during their various misadventures and reese learning to accept that fact. and about the horrors of meeting a very hot guy who is able to know all your deepest insecurities just from touching you. i can't blame reese, i would be cranky too😅

☝️that's me throwing away whatever you were planning to read next and bringing her instruments to your attention

series i'm going to continue next year (or whenever somebody finds time to finish writing his series):

a targaryen history by george rr martin (book one: fire & blood). as you might know, asoiaf is my favorite fantasy series of all time but i was hesitant to read this prequel lore book bc i was afraid i wouldn't like grrm's writing as much now that i've become much more well-read in fantasy and, more importantly, bc i didn't like the first season of hotd. luckily it turns out my appreciation for grrm's writing and worldbuilding is as strong as ever and maaan i just love the targaryens. i just think they're neat. they just want to marry brother to sister, you know🙂 i surprised myself by how much i enjoyed the history book format of fire & blood with its successive generations of kings and queens, multiple unreliable narrators and versions of events, trying to make sense of long gone triumphs and tragedies in hindsight. which i think is also the reason i didn't vibe with the show - it takes away this sweeping epic scope of the book, the weight of the centuries, the unrelenting pendulum of time, with individual fates nothing but blades of grass ground under the wheels of history etc etc and doesn't, in my opinion, manage to compensate for it by fleshing out the protagonists of the dance of the dragons enough for me to be able to get invested in their personal stories. i hope i'll like the second season more but i'm gonna keep my expectations low for now. i mean, it doesn't even have mushroom🍄‍🟫

the neapolitan novels by elena ferrante (book one: my brilliant friend). didn't expect to like this one so much either. most of it is good but not great - a very truthful depiction of girlhood and adolescent female friendships with their camaraderies and rivalries, a good exploration of struggling to access education as a way out of poverty, an atmospheric setting in the 50s naples - but then near the end there's a chapter where the author manages to encapsulate the characters' journeys and throw into relief the themes of the book so masterfully in so few words, using such simple yet impactful visual metaphors, i literally froze while listening to it in the audiobook and then paused whatever i was doing to sit down and reread it with my own eyes. i'm not a prose girlie so i'm rarely so impressed by an isolated piece of writing (the last time it happened was the epilogue of assassin's apprentice, as far as i remember). anyways, i obviously can't discuss it further bc of spoilers but to put it briefly ferrante succeeded in getting to the core of that special bond you shared with your teenage best friend and somehow managed to distill the essence of girlhood friendships into one single scene. chapter 57: if you know - you know🫠

the alexander trilogy by mary renault (book one: fire from heaven). when i finished the lymond chronicles several people recced mary renault's books to me bc they're also queer historical novels written around the same time (so 60-70s) - but having read the charioteer and now this first alexander book i conclude that those are their only similarities. dunnett's writing style couldn't be more different from renault's and, to be completely honest, i find the latter one extremely boring. madeline miller is actually a much better comp for renault (including the questionable depiction of female characters), except the song of achilles could at least be more explicit about the queer love story. not that i'm measuring the quality of these books by how smutty they are - in fact, the only thing i liked in fire from heaven was how renault managed to write around the scenes of gay sex while also making sure we know what's happening. anyways, normally i would just dnf a series where i was so unimpressed with the first book but as far as i understand the persian boy is really the main course here so i'll read that and then, who am i kidding, i will also read the last book in the trilogy bc of completionism. and tbh i'm not yet ready to let go of the image of myself as an elegant dark academia girlie reading classy mary renault books about ancient greece🧐

series i'm maybe going to continue sometime in the future:

london calling by alexis hall (book one: boyfriend material). enjoyed this first book much more than i expected, given that cartoon cover contemporary romance is very much out of my comfort zone and fake dating is one of my most disliked tropes. ig i just like the british humor of it all and that it really felt like those old nostalgic romcoms hall says he was inspired by. i would've liked to see oliver grapple more with how his parents fucked him up but maybe this is explored more in the sequel? which i'm hesitant to read bc it has an abysmal average rating on goodreads😬 i mean it could mean anything: maybe people are correct in that this story didn't need a sequel or maybe we're just unused to there being more to love stories after the characters get together, including more problems. alexis hall is a total discovery for me this year, i think i trust him to make it good, esp given that there really aren't any queer romance series like this out there, focused on a couple going through all the conventional stages of a relationship (dating, marriage, parenthood). but on the other hand i'd really like to hear an opinion from someone i know. so: did any of you read husband material? did you hate it too?👀

chrestomanci by diana wynne jones (book one: charmed life). this was just fine. i like wynne jones' writing and humor but i think this is the kind of book you should've read as a kid. as an adult i can't connect to its themes and characters anymore but what i can do with my adult brain is discern fatphobia🫤 seriously, this is the third time i see fatphobia in wynne jones' books - just small things that upset me and take me out of the story. wtf mam. anyways, i didn't think this book had anything interesting to offer, compared to howl's moving castle with its iconic characters or fire and hemlock with its wtf did i just read, so i was ready to dnf this series but then just the other day i saw a tumblr poll of people voting for their favorite chrestomanci book and the lives of christopher chant won in a landslide. so ig i'll read that just to be sure and then probably move on to the dalemark quartet or smth. i have an inkling i'd like a chrestomanci book focused on a different (cooler) protag more but i'm not going to prioritize it.

the tarot sequence by kd edwards (book one: the last sun). okay this one is a big maybe. like i mentioned before, i just don't like urban fantasy but i decided to try this series nevertheless bc it's so popular on queer booklr and i like to be in the know. and indeed the only thing i'm mildly intrigued by is the slowburn bodyguard romance - so slow in fact that the main guy has a completely different love interest in the first book. will i suffer through chapters upon chapters of boring urban fantasy politics just for the sake of this romance tho? not any time soon.

series i'm not going to continue:

the saint of steel by t kingfisher (book one: paladin's grace). i'm starting to suspect t kingfisher is not our blessed niche tumblr fantasy but in fact their barbarous mainstream award winning fantasy. what in the name of heterosexual lucifer was this?? lol i mean it's not a bad book or anything, ig i just didn't vibe with the religious aspect of the worldbuilding and, more importantly, the romance here is the textbook example of what i dislike in this genre: just two people being horny for each other from the moment they meet. i mean ik this is what it's like for allosexuals irl but when i see this in a book it just seems like lazy writing. the book opens with the most ridiculous meet cute ever (suffice it to say, nobody's esophagus was even involved) and if i were a normal person i would've dnfed right then and there but i forced myself to trudge through pages and pages of these two repressed middle aged people lusting after each other in cursive. which i understand is very relatable content for some readers but ig i could confirm yet again that hetero women's fantasies are not my fantasies. i finally finished it yesterday and picked up her intruments book two right away as a palate cleanser bc, as me and my book bestie like to joke, i don't want any romance in my romance lol. i was somewhat underwhelmed by thornhedge last year so i'm not really interested in kingfisher's novellas either. ig i could try other books from the white rat universe, the ones not focused on horny paladins, but maybe i shoud just accept that this author is not for me🤷‍♀️

the adventures of amina al-sirafi by shannon chakraborty. the city of brass was one of the most disappointing books i read last year but i wanted to give this author another try bc on paper her newest book seemed like the most up my alley story ever: potc are my favorite movies of all time, i completely support the middle aged woman protag agenda and if there is a thing i liked about chakraborty's writing it's that she's not afraid of setting her stories in the real historical periods of our own world and doing the research accordingly instead of just being "inspired" by foreign cultures and time periods. so i was very determined to like this book but unfortunately it didn't work out. you see, in a good fantasy adventure novel characters, plot and worlbuilding work in unison to tell a cohesive story - here on the other hand these three elements felt separate from each other. the characters seemed more like those tumblr posts showing little oc arts and listing their character traits under them than full-fledged dynamic fictional people with a function in the story. their motivation to go on an adventure and to move the plot forward, as it were, never seemed personal and important enough for me to be invested in their success. instead of serving the plot, the worldbuilding and the lore chakraborty researched and constructed so painstakingly derailed the story more often than not. as a result, halfway through the book i'm still waiting for the author to make me care about this team of misfits and the random girl they're searching but instead i'm hit over the head with the bird people island. sigh. but the biggest disappointment was ofc the demon husband😑 you can do so many sexy things with a problematic demon husband but ig chakraborty just has a unique talent for coming up with sexy ideas and bad boy love interests and then making them completely unsexy in her books. well ig i successfully confirmed this author is not for me and i won't try any of her books anymore.

the scholomance by naomi novik (book one: a deadly education). this book was released right around the time i started watching booktube so i vividly remember the controversy surrounding it. at first everybody seemed to hate it but later, when the sequels came out, there was a new wave of readers who liked the series a lot. i'm a big fan of spinning silver and uprooted (not to mention novik's work in otw) and i'm not immune to gritty magic schools by any means so i decided to give it a go. sadly, this turned out to be another dud. i have a sneaking suspicion this story was a much better piece of fiction in its past life as a drarry fanfic, before novik frankensteined it into a perfunctorily diverse, heteronormative, commercialized ya version of hp. i couldn't appreciate the worldbuilding bc it was delivered through a series of the most aggressive exposition dumps ever so the concept of this edgy school that wants to kill you just seemed silly to me. the romance was meh and the fact that i recently read in other lands that does a similar pseudo-hero/pseudo-villain dynamic much better didn't do it any favors either. i liked the abrasive personality of the main character but not so much as to force myself to continue this series in case it gets better. i'll start reading novik's dragon books instead.

2024 reading updates | goodreads

[mordenheim]

The Amazing Colossal Mare

(A fun little tale on the last day of Kaijune, written for another amazing, colossal mare, @ask-twizilla !)

A heavy series of booms rocked the air in the town of Ponyville in the early afternoon.  A gigantic mare stomped her way through the streets.  Her fur was a pale yellow and her messy, wild mane was a bright, almost electric blue.  She was dressed in the torn, tattered remains of a dress that had ripped over one foreleg and split in two across her tummy, the lower part of the dress sliding up into a tight little skirt about her haunches.

She stomped to the center of town, standing astride the bridge that crossed the little stream near the center of town.  She picked up an apple cart in one of her front hooves  and gave it a sniff before taking a huge bite out of it, wood and all.  She crunched on wood and sweet apples alike, gulping them down before she glared out across the city at all of the panicking ponies.  Letting out a loud roar, she tossed the cart in the direction of one of them, missing the fleeing equine and bouncing the cart off of the ground to smash into a building nearby.

She sniffed the air and snarled as though searching for something.  She growled and stomped her hooves at anyone who got too close to her, or that she thundered too close to.  Ponies were screaming and running in all directions, some crying out for the town guards to come save them.

Coffee Bean hummed to himself as he trotted around his shop.  The wonderful smells of the various roasted coffee beans he was locally famous for were inundating the shop.  That, combined with a delivery of fresh pastries from Sugarcube Corner had really made his morning.  It had been a bit of a slow morning, but it was mid-week so that was to be expected.

He grinned as he started humming his favorite song in the empty shop, dancing between the tables until a tremor running through the floor made him stumble!  He blinked and felt another tremor, his cups rattling in their cabinets.  He debated for a moment, then decided that it must be an earthquake!  Tossing off his apron, he raced outside in case the building collapsed!

As soon as he stepped out of the door, he froze in awe of the sight before his eyes.  It was like his greatest fantasy had become a reality.  Just like a scene out of a monster movie there was a giant mare in a tight, torn dress towering over the nearby buildings.  She stomped and roared and chased the other little ponies right out of the streets.  Giving out a roar that any kaiju would be proud of, she reared up and brought her massive hooves down on one of the houses, reducing it to splinters!

Coffee was speechless, giving out a high-pitched squeak!  Somehow, the giantess heard this and her huge head snapped around.  She glared down at the poor, shaking pony.  His heart was hammering in his chest as she slowly leaned down and gave him a sniff.

He closed his eyes, covering his head with his forelegs as he fully expected to be snapped up and devoured or crushed like an egg.  What he didn’t expect was to feel a warm softness all around him.  He opened his eyes to see the ground far below, ponies pointing up at him and yelling.  Looking up, he saw the smiling face of the rampaging giant pony, no longer angry in the least.  She looked calm and serene, smiling as she snuggled him against her fluffy chest.

Unable to believe this was real, he reached out one of his front hooves to touch her cheek.  She was so warm, soft, and real.  It was almost too much.  His greatest fantasy, something he often dreamed about had become a reality.

Unfortunately, that serenity was short-lived.  The royal guard had appeared to deal with the rampaging monster invading Ponyville.  They hurled spears at her from both the ground and the sky.  Pegassi and earth ponies used conventional weapons while unicorns fired bolts of energy in her direction.  She let out an ear splitting roar, rearing up on her hind legs to guard Coffee from any stray fire.  

When they paused in their assault for a moment, she charged into their midst, scattering them, swatting at ground based and airborne nuisances alike!  The guard proved to be every bit as effective as they usually were with invading monsters, as in not at all.  She sent them running in all directions, far too scattered to easily regroup!

Then, in the background he heard a familiar group of voices.  It was Princess Twilight and her friends!  She yelled to the others about the power of friendship and something about harmony breaking the spell that made this poor mare into a rampaging giant.  Pinkie yelled about her having captured one of her best customers.

He tried to shout something about not being in danger, but he saw a flash of rainbow colors speeding towards the two of them and everything went white.  A moment later he was being gently awakened.  He saw a pink blur towering over him and wondered if another giant mare had come to town, but it was just Pinkie Pie standing over where he had fallen on his back.  She was waving a chocolate donut under his nose, trying to get him to wake up.

He pushed himself up off of the ground and was distressed to see that the giantess hadn’t been shrunk down by the blast, but had been knocked unconscious.  She had been tied to a huge rolling wagon and Twilight was talking excitedly with one of Coffee’s other regular customers, a red-maned zebra scientist named Victor.  Taking the donut that Pinkie was practically forcing onto him, he staggered over towards the two.

Seeing him approaching, Twilight immediately asked if he was alright.  He nodded and explained that he didn’t seem to be in any danger.  It was almost like the giantess had been drawn to him and calmed down immediately when she found him.  Until the guards arrived, of course.  Twilight shook her head and groaned as she heard yet another account of their incompetence.

Coffee then asked what had happened, why she was so gigantic, and why she was looking for him.  Twilight just shook her head, having no idea what was going on.  Their magic had always broken any spell or curse that may have caused something like this.  They were going to take her to a nearby research facility to see if they could communicate with her somehow, maybe find out how she grew to such a massive size.  

Victor rubbed at the black patch covering his right eye before smiling down at Coffee, suggesting that he should come along with them.  There was some kind of link between him and the amazing colossal mare and maybe he might be the key to finding out what was going on.  Coffee, looking at the giant mare and daydreaming of being close to her again agreed in a a heartbeat!