#bill cipher x reader x stanford pines

[itsthesinbin]

Sins in Stardust [Chapter 6: Code Dorito: Cool Ranch] (Bill Cipher/Reader/Stanford Pines

Should go without saying that this is partially inspired by the Handyman Bill AU. I didn't wanna tag it as that, though, cause I'm not taking from that comic series' canon, just liked the general idea of it. We'll get into more shenanigans in the next couple chapters :3

Feedback appreciated!

Read the fic on AO3 here!

If you like it, reblog it!

-----------------------

Wendy went from half asleep to predatory as soon as the words left Soos’ mouth. She grabbed an entire handaxe from under the counter, hopping over it in an instant. People screamed and ran for the exit.

Bill yelled as Wendy ran at him with a war cry. He dropped the expensive merchandise, scurrying behind your legs and trying to shove you in the girl’s warpath. Good to know you were expendable, after everything. You held your hands up, grabbing the handle of the axe as she swung. Your arm trembled at the impact- she was swinging to kill. She looked at you angrily.

“Why’re you trying to kill me, lady?! I wasn’t gonna steal it!” Bill paused. “Yet.” The axe-wielding woman frowned, looking at her boss. Soos looked between all three of you, concerned.

“You tried to KILL us, you little freak!” Wendy reached around, grabbing him by the hoodie and dragging him out from behind you. His hood fell back, exposing his triangle head. Not that he was particularly well-hidden to begin with, admittedly. His brow furrowed.

“I’ve tried to kill a lot of people, but I do NOT remember you. And I’d remember a face like THAT,” Bill protested, pointing at Soos. Soos let out a sad “oh…”, before Bill’s protest hit them both. Wendy’s grip loosened enough for you to wrench Bill from her. He hurried to your side, instinctively trying to snap them dead. Of course, nothing happened. Soos and Wendy looked at each other.

“I think we gotta talk, dudes,” Soos said as Wendy groaned. Your jaw tightened and your eyes flicked to the axe in her hand. Looks like you didn’t have a choice. Bill looked at you incredulously, throwing his hands up.

“They just tried to kill me and you’re gonna TALK? You’re not gonna defend me with your life?! I thought we had something, Stardust!” He feigned betrayal, hand to his forehead. You took a deep breath.

“Bill, I felt you shoving me toward them.” “WITH YOUR LIFE!” You grabbed the finger that was pointing at you, moving it out of your face, and turned back to Soos and Wendy. You motioned for them to lead the way. Soos walked through the employee’s only door. Wendy used her axe, subtly reminding you who was in control, to gesture for you to follow her boss. Bill started to say something, but you grabbed him by the hood and dragged him with you.

“Don’t argue with the axe-wielding woman twice your size,” you hissed. He slapped your hand, jerking away from you. He glared at you, walking ahead of you so you were between him and Wendy. You crossed your arms, looking down at the floor.

You were led into a small living room. Soos offered you the chair, since you were the technically-innocent party. He went to grab a couple dining chairs to bring in. You vaguely heard him talking with someone off in the kitchen, before he returned with chairs. A woman with light brown hair and kind eyes followed him, said eyes going wide when she saw Bill. Bill shoved himself up into your seat, sitting on the arm rest next to you. He definitely wasn’t scared of a few humans and a sharp object. But he’d rather you be the meat shield. 

Soos sat down and, after she introduced herself, Melody went to get tea for everyone. Wendy stayed at the doorway, blocking the exit and swinging her axe at her side threateningly. Bill looked away from her. You wrung your hands nervously as Soos spoke.

“So uh… Thought you died, dude. How’d you avoid that?” Bill blinked, looking at Soos like he was an idiot. Then he laughed, kicking his feet back and crossing his arms as he got comfortable on his perch.

“Funny! I wouldn’t get killed by a few fancy water balloons!” Wendy rose a brow and Soos furrowed his own. Then they both snorted and started laughing. Bill turned red immediately.

“Do NOT laugh at me or I’ll slice out your tongues and feed 'em to you!” Wendy laughed harder while Soos clammed up. He turned to you instead, figuring he’d get a more coherent answer out of you.

“How uh… How’d you meet Bill? Did he possess you or something?” Not what you were expecting him to ask, but you guess a dream demon would be able to possess people. Thank fuck you met him when he was powerless.

“No. I was driving into town and went to camp for the night. I, uh… found his statue, I guess. Thought he was an abandoned art project and said I’d take him with me. Had a weird dream and I think an… Axolotl dropped him off in it? When I woke up, he was there.” Bill’s eye snapped to you. His pupil constricted like an angry cat’s. He jumped up, grabbing you by the collar.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING? THAT STUPID AMPHIBIAN, I SHOULD’VE GUESSED HE WAS INVOLVED,” Bill yelled, voice growing deep and layered again like it did that first day. You flinched. Wendy moved to grab him, but Soos was closer. With a harsh yank, Bill was pulled off of you. You barely knew Soos, but the look of anger was clearly not something that was common. Wendy’s shocked face was proof of that.

“Listen, dude. Only reason you’re NOT in one of Mr. Pines’ cages is cause I wanna figure out what’s goin’ on. Do that again and I’ll quit bein’ nice.” Bill struggled, slipping out of the hoodie to get away from the huge, angry man. Soos sneered slightly as he sat back down. He motioned to you. You swallowed.

“The guy didn’t know where… he was at first, and said he might have friends in town, so I brought him here. My car was totaled by some kinda… bear, so we’ve been crashing at the motel.” Soos nodded. Melody brought tea out for everyone, placing a hand on Soos’ shoulder. He turned his attention back to Bill, who was still pissed.

“So… you don’t remember almost killin’ us? When Mr. Pines wiped you out?” “What about weirdmageddon, you remember that bullshit?” Bill snapped to Wendy when she asked her question. He was still pissed, but it was mixed with confusion.

“Weirdma- DID IT ALREADY HAPPEN? How I- I don’t remember-? Who built the portal?” Bill asked frantically. Wendy’s jaw unclenched as she stood up straighter. Melody had a hand over her mouth. Soos leaned down, hand on his knee to balance himself. Bill whipped back to him.

“Does the name Stanford mean anything to you?” Bill stared for a long moment, going red again. His eye inverted colors.

“Who the FUCK is Stanford? Is that who built the portal? WHERE IS IT, YOU OVERGROWN FUNGUS?” He tried to swipe at Soos, but the guy jumped back. Wendy stood, slack-jawed. Soos rubbed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on. Melody squeezed his shoulders. He nodded to Wendy, cutting his eyes at you. Wendy seemed to understand as she tucked her axe into her belt loop. She came over to you, motioning for you to follow her to the kitchen. You hesitated, but followed. Bill tried to follow, but Soos blocked his path.

Wendy grabbed a couple sodas from the fridge, handing you one. She sat and kicked her feet up onto the table, taking a swig before pointing to you. You sat down slowly.

“You are one lucky son of a bitch,” she huffed. “If he was all there, you’d be dead.” She circled her temple with her finger, the universal sign of “that shithead’s crazy”. You frowned. Wendy ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. Then, she began to explain.

“We’ve all had dreams about that Axolotl- did it say anything to you?” You shook your head. You just remember Bill- or at least him as a kid- just appearing next to you. The only words spoken were from him. Wendy grumbled when you told her as such.

“Yeah, me neither- apparently he talked to Soos, though. Said it did some rap about Bill and redemption, but we all thought the guy just ate too many hot dogs in that contest. But I…” She trailed off, looking toward the door. You could hear Bill arguing with Soos, who kept asking if he remembered this or that. Bill was consistent in not remembering things, and you could hear the big guy wavering.

“I guess he really doesn’t remember anything… That throws a wrench in things.” You took a small sip of your drink, foot tapping nervously. You finally had to ask: What was weirdmageddon? Wendy cringed a little.

“I don’t know the full details, but Bill opened a portal to another dimension a couple years back that made everything… weird. He was from some nightmare dimension and brought it here. Tried to take over the world.” You were dead silent. You took a long drink of your soda, wishing it was alcohol.

“You are VERY lucky there’s a walking triangle in there, and I’ve been attacked by gnomes, or else I’d call you fucking insane.” Wendy couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. You felt… a bit at ease, knowing she wasn’t pissed at you. In fact, she even nodded in agreement.

“Man… if I didn’t live through so much bullshit, I’d agree with ya.” She rubbed her temple with her free hand. You tapped your fingers against the can. You two heard footsteps coming into the kitchen. Bill came in first, arms crossed. Soos was scratching his head.

“What should we do?” Both he and Wendy asked at the same time. Soos pulled a “jinx”, laughing as Wendy sighed. Bill groaned as he hauled himself into a chair. His tophat drooped angrily and he kicked his feet like a child. The top half of him was still a furious red. Soos coughed, ending his giggle fit. He put on his serious face again.

“Okay, dudes. I think Bill’s tellin’ the truth- that he doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t remember Stan, Ford, Dipper, Mabel… Anything I asked.” Wendy sat up fully, planting her feet on the ground and soda can on the table.

“How do you know he isn’t lying, Soos?” “The Axolotl guy said he’d be back eventually, and that they’d explain when the time was right-.” Wendy stood up at that, pulling her axe back out. Bill jolted at the sight of it, hopping to his feet to run if need be.

“We don’t even know if THAT thing is good or not! I say we just kill him while he’s weak!” Now it was your turn to get up. You stood between Bill and Wendy, to both their surprise. You had a scowl on your face.

“I already ran from a mutated bear and a bunch of little bearded freaks with this guy- I’m not gonna just let you kill him.” Bill jumped up onto the table, putting a hand on your back.

“Yeah! My little minion here knows how to beat a gnome to a pulp- can't be too different, right?” You removed his hand from you, giving him a side eye. He was still doing his grin, not realizing you were mad at him. Maybe you should let him die, actually.

No, unfortunately you were a good person. You didn’t fully know if Bill DID actually do that weirdmageddon stuff. It’s two strangers’ word against the guy you barely know but had a prophetic dream about. One kinda outweighs the other, to an extent.

“Well… Mr Pines and Mr Ford’ll be comin’ home in a month. We could keep him here ‘til then?” Soos offered. Bill threw his hands up.

“I am NOT staying at this shit shack for a month!” You frowned.

“Do you promise you won’t kill him?” “Only if he doesn’t try anything with us.” Wendy squinted at Bill, and Soos had his arms crossed. You turned to Bill. He was pissed.

“Bill, think about it. These two out right had a code for you, and almost killed you. If you really DID do all they said, the whole town will be at your throat if they find out you’re here.” Bill started to speak. Then he deflated. He had no power, no memory of even BRINGING armageddon to this place, and only had one person willing to help him. And apparently that Axolotl was involved, somehow.

“I’m… NOT staying here alone! Not after I almost got axed!” Bill looked at you, still pissed but… He almost had a desperation to him. Your face scrunched slightly, thinking. You knew you couldn’t just abandon Bill, but you didn’t know about staying here with the axe lady and her boss. You sighed.

“We’re staying in town- I don’t have a car, and he’s a fugitive apparently. What if we just… come back sometimes?” Wendy was instantly on the fence.

“No way, I don’t trust that little tortilla chip as far as I can throw him.” “WHO ARE YOU CALLING-?” You put a hand over Bill’s eye to tell him to shut him up. He shoved your hand away angrily. Soos put a hand over his mouth in thought. Then he snapped, a grin on his face.

“You need a job for the summer, dude?”

[doodlenoodleboi]

I'M SORRY BRO IS AS OLD AS MY GRANDPA AND I STILL WANNA HIT!

Edit: Follow the artist this got a lot of love but give the artist some!

(I just realized she had Tumbler I found these on Pinterest)

https://lydibug-art.tumblr.com/ Shop: http://lydibugart.bigcartel.com

[lucigooseart]

stanley pines

grunkle gilf brain rot is going crazy rn guys. pls enjoy

[h4unted-d4rling]

People find Pyramid Head hot and nobody bats an eye. But when I say I find Bill Cipher hot? Society!!! Society calls me weird!!!!!!

[stanswifeirl]

DO YOU WANT TO WORK ON A GRAVITY FALLS DATING SIM??

Well, now you can!

Hi. Laura here, formally known as stan’s wife‼️ by the masses! I am working on a dating sim where you can romance either STANFORD, STANLEY, or BILL!

I am looking for artists, writers, musicians, and voice actors. Find the application link here!

I look forward to reading your applications!! Yaaaay!!

(Reblogs greatly appreciated!! Luv u guyz!)

[calibeaxoxo]

he looks so cute and pathetic here, I wanna pinch his cheeks even if he gets mad 😭🙏🏻

aaaaand I fixed the size of the video LOL idk why it uploaded bigger than I thought

[sleeplessdreamer14]

Bill: (trying to get Ford to take him back)

(Name): (picks Ford up like a sack of potatoes) Oops, got your man! Shoulda treated him right, now he with a real (redacted), he loves it over here!

Ford: Yeah, I love it over here!

(Name): You want him back? Too damn bad!

[rangerbarbz]

Stanfiction Masterlist

💋= smut 🎀 = fluff

Ford:

Love Drunk 🎀

Love is but a Walk in the Park 🎀

What Are We? 🎀

No Need to Worry 🎀

Patient Pines 🎀

Music and the Muse 🎀

Study Sessions 🎀

Sixer and the Princess 💋

First Time 💋

Please 💋

Professor Pines (prologue) 🎀

Professor Pines pt 2 🎀

Professor Pines pt 3 🎀💋

Professor Pines pt 4 🎀

Stan:

Losing Bets 💋

Sugar Stan 💋

Mail Call 🎀

Serving Up Romance 🎀

Serving Up Romance pt 2 🎀

Serving Up Romance pt 3 💋

Mirror, Mirror 💋

[wife-of-halloween]

Some of Bill Cipher’s Possible Exes..??

[The Book of Bill Spoilers below the cut]

▾ These are mostly speculation, but I just wanted to bring them up ▾

1.) A Howling Void

Bill likes to deny this one but it’s made clear that they did date at one point

2.) Stanford Pines

This one is pretty self explanatory

3.) Bloody Mary

Bill doesn’t explicitly state what sort of relationship he had with her, but his wording & wanting to reconnect suggests they might have been more than friends..?

4.) Your Mom 💀

Bill implies that he both banged the Reader’s Mom and was in love with her. This is most likely just a joke / Bill’s way of toying with the Reader 😂

5.) Jheselbraum the Unswerving (The Oracle)

When Ford met her in Journal 3, she was implied to have a terrible grudge against Bill. However, according to The Book of Bill, she used to at least be one of his Henchmaniacs. It is unclear what caused her to hate him since then. There is not really any solid evidence that she is his ex, but I suppose it is a possibility, so I still felt the need to include it

6.) The Reader?

Honestly, this is probably a reach, so I’m just going to leave this up to interpretation

Those are the most likely EXES I could really find in The Book of Bill (though he does flirt with others). Here’s another pic below just for funsies because it made me laugh

[Also, sorry the pics are so squished together, I could only add 10 so I had to make them all fit]

[cuntiel]

Taller sibling who accidentally started the apocalypse

[darlingdaisyfarm]

👁️⃤ Bill x Ford x reader headcanons

minors don’t interact

༄ Bill calls you “IQ’s little distraction”

༄ Bill loves to tease Ford about his preferences. “Oh, so you like it when she does that, huh, Sixer? well, you always were into the weird stuff.” 

Ford tries to ignore him, but you can tell Bill’s getting under his skin. Sometimes, when Ford’s especially worked up, he’ll respond back, gritting through his teeth, “Shut up, Bill, or I��ll—” 

But Bill cuts him off with a laugh. “You’ll what, Sixer? id love to see you try.”

༄ Bill has absolutely zero sense of boundaries. Like, none. You’ll be trying to have a moment of peace with Ford, just laying your head on his chest, his hand in your hair and Bill will appear out of nowhere. “Wow, Sixer, you look real cozy. Hope you don’t mind if I join— oh wait, I don’t care what you mind!”

Because Bill lives to make Ford suffer.

༄ Bill is constantly whispering the dirtiest things into Ford’s ear, especially when you’re around. You could be standing in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for yourself and Ford, and Bill will float beside Ford, murmuring, “She looks good, doesn’t she, Sixer? Bet you can’t wait to—” 

Ford immediately cuts him off, snapping, “Shut up.”

༄ Ford is always a mess when it comes to you. He’ll stumble over his words when he’s trying to say something sweet or get all flustered when you catch him staring at you. Bill loves to point it out too. “Oh, look at you, Sixer, so pathetic, just how I like ya.” Ford tries to brush it off, but you can see the faint blush on his cheeks every time.

༄ Ford tries to plan a romantic dinner at least once a month. Tries. Because Bill always crashes it. One time, he even possessed the waiter at the fancy restaurant you both went to. Ford didn’t notice until halfway through dessert when the waiter leaned over and said in Bill’s voice, “Enjoying the cake, Fordsy? hope you don’t choke on it!” Ford nearly did.

༄ Bill loves interrupting intimate moments. Anytime things start getting heated between you and Ford, Bill finds a way to make it weird. One time, Ford’s lips trailing down your neck to your collarbones, your hands gripping his shoulders, but with the corner of your eye, you saw Bill’s faint yellow glow in the room. Ford didn’t notice right away, continuing kissing and sucking on your skin, but the second you did, you pushed him back. “B-Bill’s watching.” you muttered awkwardly.

“What? Can’t a guy enjoy the view? You two are putting on quite the show!”

Ford practically growled, grabbing the nearest book off the nightstand and throwing it at Bill’s levitating form. 

༄ When you and Ford are eating, this damn triangle just can't calm down.

Ford groans, immediately looking up. “Bill, I swear, if you—”

“Didn’t think you’d get away that easy, did ya, Sixer?”

The lights blink out and Bill’s yellow triangle form appears right above the table.

“Ooh, candles? How romantic! What’s the occasion? Your last meal before death?

༄ Bill constantly steals Ford’s stuff. Research notes, pens, even his glasses. You’ll come into the room to see Ford anxiously searching for something, only for Bill to pop up, floating lazily in the air with Ford’s glasses. “Looking for these, IQ?”

༄ Ford writes in his journals about you sometimes, sketching your face in the margins with messy notes like, “her smile is distracting”, “must focus on the dimensional rift”, but you catch him sometimes, staring at the page for way too long before slamming the book shut when you ask about it.

༄ Bill teases Ford relentlessly about his age. “You’re still alive, huh? Good for you, Six Fingers! Still got all your teeth?” Ford just glances at him like he's seriously considering whether to fight or not. In most cases, he doesn’t.

༄ Ford is not always good at showing affection, but sometimes you wake up with Ford’s arms wrapped tightly around you, his body curled into yours like he’s hiding you from the world, his face buried in your hair.

༄ Ford’s sitting at his desk, hunched over some kind of cryptic manuscript, muttering to himself. You’re lounging on the bed nearby, half-listening, when Bill suddenly materializes out of air, hovering right over Ford’s shoulder.

“You missed a line, Sixer! And that equation? hmm, totally wrong.”

Ford doesn’t even look up, just lets out a frustrated sigh. “Go away, Bill.”

“What? I’m trying to help! This is what you wanted, isn’t it? You need me, admi—“

Ford slams his pen down, spinning around to face Bill. “The only thing I need is for you to leave me alone.”

Bill’s eye narrows. “Can we talk, pretty please?”

Ford doesn’t respond, his glare doing all the talking for him. Just not again. And more than all, not when you’re around.

༄ It’s late and Ford’s already fallen asleep beside you, his arm rests across your waist. You’re awake though, staring at the ceiling, mind racing with thoughts about. . . You don’t want to name that. It’s quiet until—

“Awww, look at that old man. So cute when he sleeps, huh?”

You sigh, turning your head slightly. Bill’s floating in the air, glowing as he speaks. “Bet he couldn’t keep up with ya, could he? Poor guy’s probably gonna need a cane soon.”

You roll your eyes.

“Come on, baby, why do you need him? Leave this old man to me, I know exactly how to take care of him.”

Only if, in Bill's understanding, hitting a person's head against a wall can be called care. 

but Bill keeps going. “y’know, you could be having a lot more fun if you ditched the nerd.”

༄ Ford tries to teach you about all the different dimensions he’s been to. He’ll pull out these ancient-looking charts, pointing at interdimensional pathways and explaining them in painstaking detail. You just nod and blink, but half the time, you’re just watching the way his hands move or the way his voice softens when he gets really excited about some fact or thing. Sometimes, you’ll lean in and kiss him just to make him pause, just to see that little flustered smile that creeps onto his face when he realizes he’s rambling again

༄ You know those quiet nights where it’s just you and Ford, snuggled up under the stars, everything peaceful for once? Bill hates that. He can’t stand the silence. He’ll show up, glowing bright as ever and start blasting some weird, otherworldly music from whatever dimension he’s been in. Ford’s patience is already thin and after the third or fourth time Bill crashes the mood, Ford practically yells at him to fuck off. You, on the other hand, can't stop laughing.

༄ Bill loves messing with Ford’s coffee in the morning. Because Stanford has his whole routine, wake up, brew a fresh pot, pour a cup, add just the right amount of sugar. But Bill ruins it. Every time. One morning, Ford took a sip and immediately spit it out, glaring at the cup. You didn’t even need to ask. 

“Bill.” 

“Hope you like your salt with a side of caffeine, Sixer!

༄ Bill can get really handsy when he’s in control of Ford’s body. It's a real entertainment for him, feeling Ford’s frustration as he takes liberties, running his hands over you in ways Ford would never dare. “Oh, come on, Sixer, relax. You’re so uptight.” Ford is fuming, but it’s not like he can stop it. Bill leans closer to you, whispering in Ford’s voice. “Bet you like this better, don’t ya, doll?”

༄ Ford tries to give you a normal day sometimes, without any interdimensional nonsense or Bill’s interruptions. It usually lasts about five minutes before Bill pops in with some sarcastic comment or weird fact about some dimension neither of you cares about. Ford grits his teeth, muttering something about wishing he could just get five minutes of peace. You’re just used to it by now.

༄ Ford pretends he isn’t jealous when Bill flirts with you, but you can tell by the way his hand tightens around yours when Bill materialises in the room. Ford says it’s nothing, but then he’s pulling you closer, glaring at Bill.

༄ Bill’s a creepy little bastard who likes to float inches away from your face, his single eye blinking too slowly. You tell him to fuck off. He does. For ten seconds. Then he’s back, upside down this time, asking why Ford hasn’t kissed you yet today. He hopes you two will break up?

༄ Ford’s hands are huge and you always feel tiny when he wraps them around your waist. Bill makes weird comments about Ford having six fingers and how "it could be useful for so many things, don’t you think?" Ford doesn’t know whether to laugh or cringe. That’s just awkward.

༄ Ford kisses you like he’s solving a problem, taking his time, all intense and focused, his lips mapping out every curve of your mouth like he’s studying it. Bill interrupts by floating in and asking, “Wow, are you gonna write a dissertation on that, Sixer?”

༄ Bill has absolutely tried to possess Ford while he’s with you. You’ve learned to spot the signs: Ford’s eyes glowing just a bit too much, his voice having that eerie echo. You have a spray bottle ready now. “NO, Bill. BAD DEMON.” It works. Sometimes.

༄ Bill once tried to show you visions of all possible realities, like, “Hey, wanna see how the universe ends?” You told him to go fuck himself. Now he keeps showing you weird alternate versions of Ford where he’s a pirate, a robot or a cowboy. Bill insists this is "important research."

༄ Sometimes when Ford will just be lying in bed, and Bill will pop in like it’s the most natural thing in the world, floating above him. “What’s the matter, Sixer? Trouble sleeping? I know a thing or two about nightmares!” Bill laughs, but Ford turns away, pulling the blanket over his head like that’s going to stop a literal demon. It never works. Bill stays, talking until Ford either gives up on sleeping entirely or throws a pillow through him in frustration.

༄ Ford always gets lost in his work and you have to drag him away from his research to eat, sleep, or, you know, be a human. Bill offers to "fix" this by “removing” Ford’s need for sleep. You kindly suggest Bill remove himself from existence instead.

༄ You found one of Ford’s journals full of sketches of Bill, with little notes about weaknesses and possible ways to destroy him. One page, with drops of blood on it, just had “FUCK YOU, CIPHER” written over and over. Ford insists it was an experiment. 

༄ Ford gets insecure a lot, especially after everything that happened with Bill. He’ll pull away, like he’s afraid to get too close. You have to remind him that he’s not alone anymore, that he doesn’t have to carry everything on his shoulders. Bill, of course, loves to swoop in during those vulnerable moments, whispering how fun it was to watch Ford break.

༄ Bill absolutely reads Ford’s journal when he’s not looking. He’s stolen a few pages too. Once, he asked you if you wanted to see what Ford wrote about you.

༄ Ford, surprisingly, can be rough and dominant sometimes. His normally gentle side disappears when you get him riled up, and soon enough, he’s pinning you against a wall as he mutters in your mouth, “You’re mine, understand?” 

Bill, ever the asshole, floats by with a sing-songy, “Ooh, Sixer’s got a dark side, huh? Fucking hot.” 

༄ Bill, in all his chaotic glory, shows up at your door with a gift — a jar containing what looks like a preserved monster eyeball. He insists it’s a “conversation starter” and jokes about “keeping an eye on things.” You freak out, but Ford looks like he’s used to it.

༄ It’s not just Ford who gets jealous; Bill throws tantrums when he sees you and Ford getting too close. One time, he sulked in the corner, muttering about “human emotions” while eyeing you both, his form turning red.

༄ Sometimes you wake up to Bill floating above you in a dream, whispering, “interesting fact! did you know I could bend reality just to keep you awake all night?” there you wake up screaming, while Ford, half-asleep, grumbles about needing to “banish that triangle for good.”

༄ You know that Ford is obsessed with his research and you love to stay up late, sitting on the floor next to him, watching him scribble furiously in his journals. He looks so cute when he’s all focused and excited. But there’s always that moment when you catch him staring at you instead of the pages. 

You smirk, “are you going to take notes on how beautiful I am?” Ford stutters, not knowing what to say, but you see a smile on his face. 

༄ Ford’s hands grips your waist, holding you against him while his lips slide down your neck, showering kisses, making you gasp softly, your fingers in his hair. But just when things are about to get real, Bill pops in with a, “Geez, Sixer, are you gonna bore her to death with foreplay or what?”

༄ And of course, let's not forget about the usual, “Doll, you sure you’re satisfied with this? nerds aren’t exactly known for their stamina, if you know what I mean!”

Ford doesn't want you to know how Bill knows this.

[itsthesinbin]

Sins in Stardust [Chapter 8: Not in the Job Description] (Bill Cipher/Reader/Stanford Pines)

I like that Gravity Falls just has so much random bullshit that I can make silly "episodic" bonding chapters like this. It's a nice break from main plot stuff while also still forwarding the story via relationships.

Read the fic on AO3 here!

Reblogs and feedback appreciated- if you like it, reblog it!

-------------------------------

You and Bill settled into a little routine during that first week on the job. You went first, on the off chance some stragglers were around, and swept or mopped. Bill followed behind either dusting or picking up trash. He complained about how messy humans were, when they left soda cans or food packages around. You had to agree with him about those complaints. It was ridiculous how little people cared.

You were laughing at Bill, who had stepped in yet another discarded wad of gum and was losing his mind, when Soos found you guys. He couldn’t help but smile at the scene, even if he was still wary of Bill. The week he had been here had been tense, but considering the guy hadn’t ACTUALLY tried to kill anyone- or was caught slipping on the possible “faking amnesia” act- Soos decided to tentatively take things more at face value. Less waiting for the impact, so to speak. Just taking it slow and watching for signs of a storm.

“Havin’ fun, dudes?” You jumped at your boss’ voice, before giving him a wave. Despite the suspicions he had about you both, Soos had been the coolest boss you’ve had. He was friendly, lax, and willing to compromise. Bill still thought he was a moron, but started keeping those thoughts more to himself.

“NO,” the triangle screamed as he used a paper towel to wipe gum off of his foot. “You humans are DISGUSTING, leaving your bacteria-filled WADS on the FLOOR!” Soos did cringe, giving a little shudder at the idea.

“Gross. Well, you guys can get away from the gum for a bit! Need to get some raccoons outta the attic. I think they’re raccoons anyway. I kinda just see a bunch’a fur before they’re outta sight.” Soos motioned for you guys to follow him. He passed by a little closet, pulling out a bat for you. Bill got a hammer, since that was small enough for him to hold properly. He immediately took a swing at Soos’ kneecap. The big guy was more agile than you thought, thankfully, and dodged it. You threatened to thwack him with the bat when he raised the hammer to do it again.

Soos led you to the stairs up to the attic. He turned to you guys, Bill quickly hiding the hammer behind his back. He totally wasn’t gonna try and hit Soos in the leg. Absolutely not. He was a perfect little angel.

“I gotta finish cleanin’ the showroom since you guys are doin’ this. Dunno how many are up there, good luck,” he laughed. He left you two there, completely oblivious to how much neither of you wanted to do this.

“I really hope I don’t get rabies,” you grumbled, getting the bat ready. Bill snickered.

“Can’t be any worse than those gnomes. At least they can’t tie me up!” You sighed, already feeling exhausted. If it came down to it, you’d go get rabies shots after work. You had no idea if Bill needed rabies shots. Better to just keep him out of biting range.

You opened the attic door, realizing now that you had no idea how you were going to chase raccoons out in a way that mattered. This place sucked. Why couldn’t he just call animal control? Costs? Cheap ass.

You didn’t immediately see anything. No fur, no nesting material, nothing. Just some old beds and some posters stuck to the walls. Looks like some kids had stayed here- a boy and a girl, if gender stereotypes still rang true in this situation. The only thing that caught your eye were some weird stuffed animals with beards. Completely normal plushies like bears and unicorns, but had full beards. Little girls were into weird toys, so you didn’t think too much about it as you entered the attic fully.

Bill followed behind you, holding his hammer like you were holding your bat. You did a sweep around the room, even opening the mostly-empty closet. Bill peeked under the old, unused beds. Nothing in either spot. Bill groaned.

“This is stupid. Can we just tell him we didn’t see anything and take a lunch break? I want my leftover spaghetti.” You also wanted your spaghetti, honestly. You also didn’t want to fight fucking raccoons over minimum wage. You leaned on the bat like a cane, sighing.

“Yeah okay. I also want spaghetti.” “Can I keep the hammer?” You gave him a sideways glance, not even bothering to answer. He’d keep it no matter what you said. You just shook your head and started to leave.

Then you both heard something move behind you. After the gnome incident, you both were on high alert to sudden noises.

You whipped around, but didn’t see anything. You looked up at the roof, just in case. It was only the ceiling above you. Nothing suspicious.

“You heard that too, right?” you asked, looking around slowly. Bill agreed that he did. He was quiet for a second, before pointing to a stuffed unicorn.

“Didn’t that thing have a beard?” Your eyes snapped to it. Your shoulders drooped. Then you spotted movement. Something shuffled out from under the bed, before jumping at you like a facehugger.

“THIS TOWN FUCKING SUCKS,” you screamed, swinging as hard as you could with the bat. It hit with a sharp crack, sending the creature through the window. You flinched as the glass shattered. You panted, looking down at Bill. He gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up. Then you both heard more skittering.

When you turned back, you couldn’t stop the creature from flying at your face this time. It latched onto your face and you were knocked onto your back. Bill jumped back, raising the hammer out of instinct. But then he remembered your face was under it. You wouldn’t make a deal with the guy who bashed your teeth in and COULDN’T fix it. Damn. He dropped the hammer and tried to pry the creature off, but it was stuck fast.

You stopped struggling after a minute, instead just laying there wheezing. Eventually you sat up. The creature was still now, looking exactly like a lumberjack’s beard. Bill was silent as you stared at him in horror. He didn’t know if it was because he almost made room for dentures, or because there was a sentient beard attached to your face now.

Bill started cackling. He was laughing so hard he fell to his knees, tears squeezing from the corners of his eye. You pulled at the beard, but the creature wouldn’t budge.

“You l- holy FUCK- look great-! You should keep- you should keep it,” he wheezed out between laughs. You grabbed him by the bowtie, catching him off guard. His hammer fell from his hand with a clatter. Another beard flew at you, so you did the only thing that was appropriate now.

Bill yelled as the flying beard latched onto him. You dropped the demon and watched the struggle, picking up your bat and standing. Your new friend made your face itch. You scratched at your face as you waited.

He finally stopped fighting with the creature, standing up. It was your turn to cackle. The beard creature was as big as he was, almost, so he just looked like Cousin It with a top hat and bowtie. You coughed from how hard you inhaled, doubling over with the bat as support. Even under the beard, you knew he was turning red.

“QUIT LAUGHING BEFORE I TEAR YOUR VOCAL CHORDS OUT AND WEAR THEM, MEAT SACK,” he roared, voice going so low your ears rang. You would’ve been scared, if he wasn’t just covered in fur.

A few more beards appeared from their hiding spots, making you both stop. With Bill fully covered by one of their friends, they all began to advance on you. You stepped back and gripped your bat. The beard already attached to your face moved, covering your eyes. You screamed and tried to rip it off. Your bat clattered to the ground with a metallic thunk.

“BILL,” you yelled, panicked. Bill was also panicking, though you couldn’t see it. You heard the tell-tale snapping of him trying to use any power he may have. Then you heard the metal bat scrape against the floor. With a grunt of effort, you heard it clang against something. Bill had all but dropped it onto one of the beards that was on the floor.

You fell backwards, hitting the wall hard when you tripped over his discarded hammer. You heard small feet hurry to your front.

“I gotcha- FUCK OFF!” Another thwack, and a skittering noise in the opposite direction. Frantically, you began searching your pockets. You didn’t have many options, and doing this to your own face was stupid. You fished out your lighter. 

If you had a nickel for every creature you’ve set on fire to escape it, you’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it’s happened twice. 

Bill hit another one hard, and you heard a sickening crunch. You couldn’t help but balk. Crunch. How does a beard crunch?

“Do these things have fucking BONES?” Bill let out a startled, disbelieving laugh- both at your yell and the revelation.

“That makes this so much more FUN!” With all of his strength, Bill swung again and got a similar result. You cringed. Bill was good at holding them off, but you could tell he was getting tired. That bat was heavy, and not made for people his size.

You fumbled with the lighter, feeling with your other hand for part of the beard. You held the lighter to the creature. The smell of burning hair hit instantly, but the creature didn’t move at first. You grew worried that it wouldn’t matter. That your efforts were useless and you’d just be covered in gross, parasitic beards.

Then it screeched. It jolted away from your face, scurrying out of the busted window to get away from the fire- to put out the small fire that started on itself. You scratched at your face furiously, getting rid of the itch and the stray hairs that stuck to your face. Bill heaved and gave a much weaker hit to the ground to intimidate the creatures. One was dead on the ground. He looked back at you.

“Well, look at that! Fire DOES solve all your problems,” Bill laughed. You rolled your eyes and took the bat from him. You handed him the lighter so he could get his Cousin It cosplay off. Please don’t let him light the building on fire.

Giving Bill a break, you charged and swung at one of the creatures. The bat cracked off of it, and sent it rolling. It crawled out of the window with pained chirps. The other few beards were getting wary, especially with one of its own dead. The smell of burning hair seemed to set them off, as the one on Bill screeched and ran.

The last few decided to bail, hurrying after their injured comrades. You ran with them, following them to the window to make sure they actually left. Bill was behind you, climbing up to see them run as well. You two watched them break for the treeline. Both of you stood there, breathing heavily and covered in beard hair. You moved, sitting on the boy’s bed to catch your breath. Bill sat with you.

“Can we tell Soos we got rabies?” You looked down at him, exasperated. Bill kicked his feet, trying to hide how tired he was. You could see the slight slump to his form, the way one of his hands rubbed at the cracks on his body like they were sore. You frowned.

“We can sneak down to the kitchen and get the can of whipped cream to make it more believable,” he added, nudging you with his free elbow. You sighed, picking some hairs out of his bricks.

“Yeah okay,” you finally relented. He got a mischievous look in his eye as you both left. He was happy you finally went along with one of his schemes. He was also ecstatic to finally fuck with someone other than you. And you had to admit: after all the grief you’ve been through, a mindless prank sounded good.

You two took turns spraying whipped cream onto your faces, then went to find Mister Mystery himself. He was outside, looking at the broken window in confusion. You took the “sick and needs help” approach and began to shamble towards him.

“Boss,” you moaned to get his attention. Soos turned, his face dropping when he saw you covered in fur and, supposedly, frothy drool. “I don’t feel so good…”

He opened his mouth, but Bill had taken a different approach to you. He sprinted towards Soos like a bat out of hell, bright red and snarling. It made you break character as you let out a startled snort and began to laugh. Soos screamed like a little girl, foot coming out as soon as Bill got close. Directly into Bill’s eye. Deserved, honestly.

“MY EYE- THAT HURT YOU TUB OF LARD-” He fell over, wiping the whipped cream off and holding his eye. Soos stood there, sheepish and flustered. You wheezed, unable to stand up. Your ribs hurt.

“Attic’s clear-” you managed to get out. Soos caught on that it was a prank. The guy was good natured and couldn’t help but laugh along.

“Good job, dudes. And uh… Sorry about the eye, Bill.” “I WILL TWIST YOUR BONES IN THEIR SOCKETS-!” Soos stepped around him, smiling sheepishly. He patted you on the shoulder and thanked you guys, letting you take care of your now-injured companion.

Bill’s eye was bloodshot and the lids were beginning to swell. You got him on his feet, but he couldn’t see straight. You decided to put him on your shoulders for now.

“C’mon, let’s get some ice on that and eat our lunch,” you snickered. Bill groaned, dropping his upper half onto your head.

“This town fucking sucks,” came his muffled declaration. You hummed, partially agreeing. It was interesting, at least.

[joyceyayo]

Baby Ford reaching for the yellow triangle on his mobile…

They’re so cute I can’t 🥹 and the way Caryn is just taking a selfie with them as stan screams so hard he’s turning red 😭

[lucigooseart]

sixer 💋

[h4unted-d4rling]

I would be that one person in the town during Weirdmageddon where I’m like “is it just me or is that Bill Cipher guy kinda hot?” And everyone would look at me like

[ctghost]

posessed ford

unrelated but i might aswell tagg hope u dont mindd! @yan-randomfandom

I kept thinking back to this alot sm cus of seeing other arts of this idea

Sureee Ford's content for now with just taking pictures, but bill's just tired of no action!! And went "let me show you how I, your great muse do it 😼"

Unsuprisingly he fails and ford's horrified.

Pt. 2