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tonberry-yoda · 2 years ago

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Interdimensional Hell - Miguel O'Hara

notes - FOR THE POLL!!!! This has been in the works for a while, but here it is! It's a long ass fic with my whole heart and soul packed into it (+ the beautiful addition of not being proofread lolol) and I am so exited to share! I hope my Miguel lovers enjoy this fic!! <3 word count - 4,060 (omfg this is my longest fic on tumblr LMFAOOOO) WARNINGS - lots of angst, not proofread, f!reader, mentions of a near panic attack summary - you were Miguel O'Hara's wife. You were more than happy to be with someone like him, but was unfortunately taken away from your family when your world was torn apart by what looked like a glitching videogame. Now you travel through dimension after dimension looking for your family and will stop at nothing to do so while also having some fun along the way

“Gabriella!” You were close to tears as your daughter ran to you, jumping into your arms.

“Mamma, did you see that?” she said with a bright smile, sweat beading on her forehead. “When I kicked the ball, it was like BAM and then it went FWOOSH and then we won!!”

“I did see that, baby. I am so darn proud of you.” You pinched her nose, giving it a little kiss as your husband walked up holding an ice cream cone.

“Did you see that, papa?” she asked as he handed her the ice cream.

“Of course I did. You are so talented.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. She thanked him for the cone and giggled as he threw her on his back for a piggyback ride.

“You got that on video, didn’t you, Miguel?” you asked, scruffing Gabriella’s hair.

“Yup.” he responded, bouncing Gabriella and telling her how proud he was of her. God, his smile was perfect.

You pulled out the camera from its bag and filmed your husband and daughter. Literally nothing could be better than this.

Gabreiella giggled and made fun of Miguel before slamming the ice cream in his face, the two breaking out in laughter. When he set her on the ground, he gave her a five second head start to run out in the field before he would come after her, telling her to be careful with the ice cream.

He looked up at you and you giggled. “Miguel, you’re face, love.”

“What? What’re you–” he chuckled as he wiped ice cream off of his face. “Did I get it?” he asked.

“Hold on.” You set down the camera and pulled a baby wipe out of your bag, dabbing it on Miguel’s face.

“It’s been five seconds now!” Gabriella shouted from the other side of the field.

Miguel kissed your cheek and dashed after his daughter. You smiled at the camera before turning it off.

Nothing lasts forever.

You heard that from everyone, but you hated that it was true.

Even the happiest month of your life can turn to shit really fast.

When the world started glitching, you thought you were losing your mind. You worked from home and Miguel was out with Gabriella for the day. You looked to the corner of your room and it… glitched. Like something out of a movie. You never told anyone, especially when it kept happening. You thought that no one else saw it, that it was your mind playing tricks.

But when it kept happening, you knew something was wrong.

And when the world ended, you were right, and you knew you would never see your family ever again.

You ran out into the streets and saw people running, the world behind them disappearing, and even some of them faded into nothingness. You wanted to scream, cry, anything. But you froze, watching the colossal whatever it was coming for you. And then you saw something else. It looked different than the giant glitching wall. It was small and no bigger than the gap under a bed. You jumped in without even thinking. You were going to die anyway, so why not be a little reckless?

As you felt like you were falling for days, you thought of your daughter. Why didn’t you go after her? You felt like a terrible mother and curled into a ball, crying. No one was coming to save you and you weren't coming to save anyone. The world wasn’t what it used to be a month ago, a week ago, hell, it wasn’t even this bad a day ago. You cried for your family, knowing that you couldn't do a thing for them and then everything went black.

—

“Is she alive?” you heard a voice say, but couldn't see where it came from.

“I sure hope so. I don't get paid enough for someone to die here.”

“Well check!”

You felt cold hands brush your forehead and you jerked awake, coughing and trying not to scream.

“Woah, woah!” you heard the voice from the start say. “Everything’s fine. We’re not gonna hurt you.” You saw that the voice came from a boy with bright blonde hair and a cybernetic eye.

The other one was a man with brown hair, who looked like he could crush you – tan skin and muscles bigger than you.

You went to say something, but glitched, making the two men jump back.

“Woah there!” the blonde one said. “You’re not from here, are you?”

You just shook your head and could already feel a headache forming.

“I don't have time for this,” the bigger one said. “I have a shop to run.”

“At least give the girl a watch! She looks stressed out enough and I think the last thing we need to do is have her glitching.”

“I think the last thing we need to do is deal with someone that isn't from here. That happens far too often, don't you think, Spike? You have too much sympathy for the outsiders.”

“And what if I do?” Spike asked, crossing his arms. “I don't think you have enough, Wade.”

Spike walked away from you and opened a large cabinet from above Wade’s head, pulling out a bright green watch. He slipped it on your wrist and proceeded to click a few buttons and everything tense inside of you strangely managed to slip away.

You took a deep breath and smiled at Spike. “Thank you,” you said to him. “It’s been a really long day.”

“I can tell,” he chuckled. “First time out of your dimension?”

You nodded and adjusted the watch.

“Well, make sure to keep that bad boy locked in place. Don't want to be outside of your dimension without one or else… well, think bad, but worse.” He sat in a rolly chair and spun to his computer. “Can you do me a favor, missy?”

“Anything.” you said. He had been more than willing to help you, so you were more than willing to do the same.

“Stand on that little circle over there for me.” He pointed to a large purple circle in the middle of the room and you tilted your head, but still walked over to it with no hesitation.

“What’s this?” you asked.

“I'm gonna scan you, but don't be scared. This bad boy will help you get home safe.”

You went to speak up, telling him that you weren’t so sure it was a good idea, but he interrupted you.

“Wade, help me out here! Let’s get her out of here.”

“Finally.” Wade scoffed. He walked over to you and held your arms up, strapping them to two mechanical devices on either side of you that then held your arms to make you in the shape of a Y.

“This won't hurt a bit, doll.” Spike said, clicking a button on his computer. A bright light scanned you up and down and you looked at Spike, who held his chin and tilted his head. “Huh. That’s weird. Let me try again.” He clicked the button again and looked at you with confusion. When the cycle finished, he looked astonished. “Babe, where did you say you were from again?”

“That’s what I’ve been meaning to tell you.” you said, shuffling in your spot. “My world was a big glitching mess. And then I found a little hole and appeared here. I don't know if I have a home anymore.”

Wade sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. “Great,” he whispered. “This can't be good.”

Spike leaned back in his chair and looked at the confusion on your face. “This isn’t your fault, love. But bad news, you can't go home. Because uh… I don't think home exists for you.”

All you remember after that was crying. You sat on the floor after the devices let you go and Spike rubbed your back, reassuring you that everything was going to be okay.

Of course, you knew that everything wasn’t going to be okay.

You were already exhausted and you realized it hadn’t even been a day.

“So, what am I supposed to do?” you asked, playing with the watch you were given.

“I would be more than happy to let you stay here,” Spike said, rubbing your back. “We have an extra room, we just have to clean it out a bit.”

“I don't want to be a burden.”

“It’ll just be for a little while,” he reassured you. “Now, I know this cyberpunk city of ours can seem like a lot once you step out of this little shop, but I think after a little bit of time, you can find a job and even your own home.”

You just nodded. You didn't have a clue what the word “cyberpunk” meant, but it sounded interesting enough. After realizing that you were still on the floor, you finally stood up and looked around the little place you were in. There were light up trinkets and soft beeps coming from either side of the room. It was so overwhelming. At home you were able to just sit on a couch and watch TV and in here, it looked like the only place you could rest was a chair that could roll across the floor.

To get your bearings wherever you were, you opened the front door and were immediately overstimulated. There were loud sirens, people yelling, doors slamming, advertisements that were yelling about various products, etc.

You quickly shut the door behind you and Wade laughed at the expression on your face.

“What’s so funny?” you scoffed.

He just waved you off and Spike walked over to you. “Wade and I know exactly how you feel. We were just as overwhelmed when we ended up here.”

“You’re not from here?”

“Nope! So, don't worry, your reaction and overwhelmingness is completely normal. Do you want something to eat?”

You hadn't even thought about food, but when asked the question, noticed how hungry you really were. “Yes please.” you said softly.

Spike walked down a long hall and you followed, not wanting to be left alone with Wade.

“So what was your home like?” he asked.

“Normal.” you laughed. You really didn't know how to answer that question.

He laughed back. “Not like this at all, I'm guessing.”

“Not at all.”

“See, ours was kind of like this,” Spike said as you got to the kitchen. “It was very techy, so we immediately knew what to do when we started ‘glitching’ if that’s what you wanna call it. We also know how to travel interdimensionally. That's how we ended up here. We traveled outside of our home and never found a way to get back. That machine couldn’t even tell us. I think what happened to your home also happened to ours while we were gone.”

“That sounds awful.”

Spike laughed. “Yeah, definitely awful. We’ve traveled everywhere, it feels like, but we just never found home. This was almost the closest to it. It looks like home in the future.”

“That makes sense.” It didn't, but it did. You didn't know how else to share your sympathy with him, especially considering the whole thing felt like an awful dream that you would never wake up from.

“What are you gonna do?” he asked you as he slid over your plate.

“No clue,” you admitted. “Maybe it’s delusional, but I want to find my family.”

“You found a way out. So maybe they did too.”

Just those few words from Spike’s mouth gave you hope. Perhaps too much.

—

Learning new things is really difficult, but you found yourself learning how to travel through space and time to be a piece of cake, to your surprise.

That hope that Spike had engraved in you when you first met years ago was still stuck in you and would always be until you found your family.

Even if you had to search until the day you died, you would be satisfied.

The craziest part of the whole thing though was that you became someone completely different over the years. You found yourself learning how to make your own tech to make interdimensionally traveling easier and buying clothes that made you look much different than you did back at home.

But you were lonely.

You met so many lovely people on your journey through this new life you created for yourself over the years, but none of them would stay like Miguel did. You even eventually drifted from Spike and Wade, getting your own house and having your own machines.

You would curl up and eat dinner by yourself on the balcony, dreaming to be in Miguel’s arms and listen to him hum a song to you in his deep voice.

—

“Hey, Miguel.” Lyla said, blowing on her nails she recently painted. “Whatcha doin?”

Miguel rolled his eyes and sighed. “Working. What does it look like I'm doing?”

“It looks like you're pouting. Not working. Nice try, but you can't fool me, buddy.” Lyla smirked.

“I'm not pouting! Why would I be pouting, Lyla? Hm? Now could you please leave me alone? You’re ruining my train of thought.”

“Now that’s just mean.” Lyla pouted.

Miguel blew a piece of his hair out of his eye and tried to sweep her away, which ended up making her leave with a giggle.

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair before turning back on his monitor to see your face.

“Miguel!” you giggled. “Smile for the camera.” You turned the camera to a happier Miguel. Someone who actually had a smile on his face.

A stranger.

Miguel quickly shut the monitor off before he would let himself be brought to tears. It was his fault you were gone. It was his fault he was in his current position. If he didn't fuck everything up and pretend he was your husband, none of this would’ve happened.

“Lyla, I'm going out.”

“Huh? Where?” She appeared with a digital Slurpee and tilted her head.

“Just out.”

“Bored outta your mind, big boss man.”

“Sure, whatever, just leave me alone.”

Lyla saluted and faded away. He didn't know where to go, but he would just go. With the power of the entire multiverse at his hands, it was hard to just find one place to go, but even so, it was nice to breathe some fresh air in other places.

Plus with the chance of seeing you…

He pulled the thought out of his mind. He watched his daughter fade away in his arms, there was no way that you were okay too. And god, did he hate himself for it. But even so, he repressed the feelings and journeyed to other universes, meeting other Spidermen and even greater foes – eyebags and all.

—

Where the hell am I? you thought as you ended up in a dimension unlike any you had been to before. It was so different from the others that for the first time in years, you actually had to pause.

You placed your hands on your hips and looked at the world around you. It reminded you of playing video games where you would go to other worlds and you yourself would change textures to match the ones around you. Unfortunately, the texture didn't go with you, so you were left as an actual human in a cartoon world.

The life you were living was definitely a dreamlike state and the thought of it made you laugh as you led yourself through the city.

This was the part you actually loved. You got to see what life was like for others through different dimensions and the struggles they had to deal with. Granted, it wasn't much different from your life when you weren’t forced to live like this, but either way, you still found it fun to see how different, yet similar it really was.

Sometimes you would end up in dimensions you had been to a thousand times or sometimes you would end up somewhere new.

Your favorite part though: everywhere had a Spiderman. And every Spiderman was just as unique as the last.

In this world, it seemed to be some pig, which was both hilarious and intriguing. You had seen a lot in your day, but never a pig Spiderman. You loved it though and seeing posters of him around this odd city made you laugh.

But you knew it was time to leave the moment you stepped in. You liked the crazy stuff, but this was a little too crazy for your liking.

Right as you opened a portal though, you heard a loud sound not too far away from you. You figured it was a fight that Spiderpig had gotten himself into, and were ready to leave, but you turned around to see something much crazier.

Not only was Spiderpig fighting, but there was another Spiderman with him. You couldn't help but stand in awe after you closed the portal you made.

He was dressed in dark blue and red and didn't look at all like the other Spidermen you had seen before. Something about him was not only different, but so so intriguing.

The fight didn't last long since the two were working hard to get it done quickly. So when they did finish, the tall Spiderman put Spiderpig on his shoulders and gave him a fistbump.

You had only noticed you were still just standing in the street and staring when the Spiderman froze.

You giggled nervously and muttered out a quick “good job guys” before turning down an alleyway so you could teleport out of there.

But right as you began down the alley, you felt something grab your wrist. When you turned around, it was that tall Spiderman, who tilted his head at you.

“y/n?” he said.

You took a step back. “S-Sorry?”

“Is your name y/n?”

You nodded and he pulled you into his arms before opening a portal very much like your own.

You ended up in a world with complete darkness, minus the bright yellow computers surrounding the walls. You looked at the place with curiosity, but were quickly pulled from your thoughts when you saw the Spiderman pacing the room back and forth and muttering to himself.

“Hey, are you alright?” you chuckled.

“How are you… How did you… Hold on, I need a minute.” He finally sat down and grabbed his chin. “Were you married?”

You laughed, thinking this was some sort of joke. “Yes, I was. To a man named Miguel. Why?”

“What the fuck?” he said under his breath.

“Excuse me?”

“How are you alive?!”

Just then, you recognized that voice. Everything from your past hit you like a semi and you fell to your knees, tears immediately filling your sockets.

“M-Miguel? Miguel, is that you?” you managed to get out.

The mask of his Spider-suit dematerialized and he looked at you with shock.

You looked at him the same and felt like you couldn't breathe. After all those years. After all that searching…

He ran to you and dropped on his knees, pushing your hair out of your face. “How did you…”

“How did you?” you giggled somehow, grabbing Miguel’s face and looking it over. Despite the eyebags and the new muscular features, that man was definitely your husband.

“I…” he started, but you pulled him into your arms. You hugged him until neither of you could breathe.

When you pulled away, you looked at him with so much excitement that it made him regret everything. He had lied to you for years and you were looking at him the same way you looked at your real husband who died.

“I can't believe you made it out alive, Miggy! Where’s Gabriella? I bet she’s all grown up and–”

“G-Gabriella’s gone.” The words felt like another 100 lbs weighed his chest down.

You looked at him with confusion. “She didn't make it?” you asked softly.

“No. She didn't. This is all my fault.” he buried his face in his hands.

“No it's not. How could any of this be your fault?” you rubbed his back.

“No, y/n,” he scooted back, every regret from his life filling him up and making him on the near edge of a panic attack. “This is my fault. I made this happen.”

“Miguel, I–”

“I'm not even your husband!” he cried out. He never felt like this before. He didn't even feel like Miguel. But something cracked in him when he saw you, and it was going to end up killing him if he didn't talk to you about it.

You laughed. “What? Of course you are.”

“Your husband died a very long time ago.”

“I'm so confused.” you admitted.

“I know. And I'm sorry.” he pulled you closer and sat down on the floor next to you. “Look, I was your husband. At least for a while. A couple months maybe. But your real husband… the Miguel O’Hara from your world… he died. I took his place. I wanted to be happy.” Slowly, the feeling of the near panic attack was going away the more he spoke to you. He explained everything. About how much he truly loved you and about how much he regretted destroying everything, including your daughter. He told you that he was selfish for what he did and admitted that if he could go back and never be with you just so you could have a fulfilled life with Gabriella and no Miguel, everything would be fine. He explained canon events and how the world worked for Spidermen like him and the rest of the multiverse.

Everything was so confusing, but based on everything you had been through, you weren't surprised.

You had seemingly loved a stranger for months and didn't even know it. But… he wasn't, that was the most confusing part. That man, Miguel O’Hara. Spiderman 2099. That was the man you fell in love with, even if you weren't a part of his dimension.

The whole situation shocked you to your core, but there was no going back now.

You laughed for some reason when he was done telling you everything. You really couldn't believe it. But again, you weren't surprised.

Miguel didn't mean to spill everything onto you, but it made him feel so much better. Tears were streaming down his face and he was trying to repress them when he saw how confused you looked.

“y/n, I am so sorr–”

You quickly cut him off by pulling him into your arms. Real husband or not, this poor man had to suffer through everything and now has the whole multiverse on his back to take care of because he feels like it’s his responsibility. He blamed himself for everything for years all because of a stupid accident.

But you weren't mad. He didn't know what would happen and all he wanted was to be happy. You didn't want to put more on him, so you just held him for a moment and let him sit there with you in silence.

Even if you didn't know this Miguel as well as you knew your husband, he was still Miguel.

“Don't blame yourself,” you whispered. “It's okay.”

He just pulled back from the hug and wiped his hair out of his face. “I'm sorry you had to live like you have been.” he told you.

“It was kinda fun.” You hugged your knees.

“The multiverse is definitely something, huh?”

You smiled and cupped Miguel’s face in your hands. You had been traveling for years all for this. Granted, you got a story out of it that you weren't expecting, but still. Miguel was in front of you again and you felt strangely at home.

You pressed a kiss to his nose. “I wanna try this again.” you said. “With us.”

“What do you mean?”

“First.” You pulled him by the front of his suit and pressed a long and needed kiss to his lips. He melted to your lips quickly, but the feeling ended quickly when you pulled away.

“What do you mean ‘try again?’ ” he asked.

“I'm y/n.” You stuck out your hand and smiled at him.

“I'm Miguel.” He took your hand and sighed with relief.

“Nice to meet you, Miguel. Maybe we should go on a date sometime.”

~~~~~

into the spiderverse masterlist | pinned post 2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

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mirkwoodshewolf · 7 months ago

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No following; Planet of the Apes fanfic Chap. 1

*Author's note*

Okay so we're gonna try something new here tumblr. Ever since I saw the new Planet of the apes film a month ago I got interested in the fandom once again but never thought anyone wrote fics for the fandom. After reading some on FF.net as well as here, it got me wanting to write a series while I'm on a writer's block for my current series. And thus this series was born.

This entire series will encompass the Andy Serkis trilogy and will be a Caesar fic. But it is STRICTLY PLATONIC so if that's not your cup of tea, no hate and just move on. This is my story and I'll write it the way I want to.

Now to those who wish to give this series a chance as you read, leave a comment down below if you wish to be tagged for updates (rn I'll be binge posting cause I've already got 10 chapters ready to go and be read).

WARNINGS: Fluff, angst, swearing, violence. So this won't be for the light of heart (at least until I get to Dawn and then War).

Taglist:

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@waddles03

______________________________________________________

Some say that the bonds between human and animal are a unique thing. That there’s an unbreakable trust between the two and that they are fated to always be together. Others say that like soulmates, there’s always an animal for a person who needs them the most. For me, I would end up having the most unique of all bonds with an animal that is closest to my own species of animal.

This is the story of such a bond, this is the story of Lin and Caesar.

It was nightfall and pouring down rain as I rode home with my best friend Gabriella and her mother. Gabi and I had known each other since Pre-K after we both had a love for the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch. From that moment on we’ve been inseparable. Currently I was getting a ride home with her mom after our strings class.

She and I after school go over to the rec center every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights and perform with the San Fransisco Strings and Orchestra for minors. Gabi plays the cello and I play the violin. We’re both pretty good if I do say so myself, our teacher tells us that we could eventually go far into the world of music if we set our mind to it. But I think I’m good cause of my genetics, after all my grandpa was a former music professor and conductor. But he doesn’t really play anymore, or at least he tries to.

We soon stopped at my house and I said grabbing my things and readied my umbrella.

“Thanks for the ride Mrs. Montez.”

“Anytime Lin sweetie. Watch out crossing the dark, wet sidewalk.”

“I will, see you tomorrow in class Gabi.”

“See yah Lin.” I quickly opened the door and opened up my umbrella before quickly racing across the sidewalk and up the stairs to my front door. I took my key and unlocked the door but not before waving one final time and soon Mrs. Montez drove off down the road.

I entered inside and shook off my umbrella before hanging it to dry. I also took off my raincoat and hung it up beside it before walking further into the house proclaiming.

“Hello? Grandpa? Uncle Will?” that’s when I heard the sound of cooing, like a baby cooing but it wasn’t human. I set my violin case down to the banister by the front door and walked into the study room where I found a large box with holes sitting on the table. As I got closer to it, I heard my uncle say.

“Oh perfect timing, guess that means I can show you both.” I turned and saw both my uncle and grandpa coming around from the kitchen entry.

“Show me what?” uncle Will walked passed me, ruffled my hair and stood over the box.

“Hey grandpa.”

“Hey sweetheart. Get another gold star from Ms. Honey for good behavior?” I smiled solemnly. Ms. Honey was my kindergarten teacher, my current teacher is Mr. Simmons.

My grandpa for the past couple of years has been dealing with Alzheimer’s disease. Uncle Will told me that it’s a disease that slowly eats away at the brain’s cells, affecting memory and sometimes body function. You see, my parents died in a plane crash when I was just 3 years old and in their will they had the next guardianship be my grandpa. But two years ago, that’s when the disease started to take its effect on him.

So my uncle Will had to move in with us to help not only take care of me but of grandpa too. And when he’s at work and I’m at school, a nice nurse comes in and helps take care of grandpa.

“Grandpa, I’m in the 4th grade. My teacher is Mr. Simmons. You know the nice man you and uncle Will met last month at the school picnic.” He looked dazed for a second but then said.

“Oh right, yeah I knew that.”

“Dad, Lin, come check this out.” Uncle Will said trying to redirect the conversation. We came over and the second we looked inside, there lay a baby monkey.

“Is that a monkey?” I asked with a head tilt.

“He’s actually a chimpanzee, an ape.” Uncle Will corrected me. Grandpa was in pure awe as he slowly reached in and touched the baby chimp.

“What is that? Is he injured?” he asked as I took notice of a mark right around the right side of his chest. It was a prominent balding mark in a unique shape, a long oval shape with an additional stripe at the top. Kinda reminded me of an incomplete cross or an unfinished F.

“No, I think that’s a birthmark.” Uncle Will said as he crossed into the kitchen and started putting some things into the fridge. All the while grandpa picked up the baby chimp and lifted him high into the air like he was Simba. The little guy was just small enough to fit between both of grandpa’s hands.

“Listen Lin,” he told me before he began quoting, “‘But as for Caesar, kneel down, kneel down and wonder.’”

“He’s so cute.” I awed as I reached out and touched his little toes.

“Yeah don’t get too attached, either of you.” Uncle Will told us.

“So why bring him here then if we can’t keep him?” I sassed.

“He’s not a dog or a cat, not even a bunny rabbit. He’s a wild animal. My coworker promised he’d try to find an animal sanctuary for him in a couple of days.” I let out a exasperated groan.

“Animal sanctuaries are still prisons.”

“Don’t get smart young lady.” My uncle playfully reprimanded as he pointed at me.

“It’s not polite to point.” I sassed back.

“Polite? Okay, I’ll show you polite.” My uncle said as he shut the fridge and giving me that narrowed but playful look in his eyes. I took off running as he raced after me. I got only up four stairs before I felt two arms wrap around me and he swung me away from the staircase and the next thing I felt was a wet finger in my ear.

“GAHH EWW UNCLE WILL!!!”

“Yeah your mom did this to me all the time when we were kids, now it’s payback.” He laughed.

“I’m innocent in this vile act!” I proclaimed dramatically.

“But you must pay for the sins of thy mother young youth!”

“Will, Maria, you two better stop horsing around in there.” At hearing my mom’s name we both settled down and a somber feeling was in the air.

“He’s been calling me that on and off for the past week.”

“Honestly who can blame him. You look so much like her when she was your age.” He said with a soft smile and he ruffled my hair again.

“Really?”

“Yeah. And when have I ever lied about anything in regards to my big sister?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” He then playfully nudged my side with his before changing the subject. “Now please tell me you managed to eat dinner cause I’ve had a long day of work and I don’t feel like cooking anything.”

“Lucky for you, the rec center was hosting a pizza party after the past few months prepping for Districts last week. Maestro Fiyero said we earned a little break after working us so hard.”

“Good. Now why don’t you brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”

“Why does my curfew have to be 9 o’clock? I’m 10 years old, not five.”

“Growing girls needs sleep too you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell grandpa I said goodnight will yah?”

“Will do kid. Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“You too.” I grabbed my violin and raced on upstairs and did my nighttime routine before getting into bed and turning off the light.

As the night progressed, I soon heard the sounds of shrieks coming from the hallway. I opened my eyes and looked at my clock to see that it was 2:30am. I got up and let out a cough and muttered to myself.

“Need some juice.” Quietly I walked down the hallway towards the stairs but as I came to the bathroom I could hear the shower running as well as the bathroom sink. Did grandpa accidentally leave the water running again after taking his shower? No, Uncle Will would’ve turned it off by now.

I knocked softly on the door and I heard my uncle’s voice say.

“It’s just me dad.”

“I’m not grandpa.” I heard footsteps and the door cracked open and when he saw me, he brought me into the bathroom before closing it. Immediately I was hit with the heat that had been trapped by the hot water that was coming from both the shower and the sink.

“What are you doing up so late Lin?”

“I heard shrieking and then I got thirsty.”

“Ohh sorry, guess this little guy woke you up too huh?” it was then I took notice of the baby chimp swaddled up in my uncle’s arms. I looked down at him and he looked up at me, moving his grip from my uncle’s finger to mine as he cooed.

“He looks like he has a cold.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, his nose is kinda runny.”

“Well that’s normal for babies sometimes. He’s barely a day old. You definitely had a runny nose when you were born.”

“No I didn’t!”

“Oh yeah you were quite the little snot monster. The original boogeyman, or boogeygirl.” He said taking his free hand that was on top of the baby chimp and playfully gripped my nose.

“Uncle Will!” I whined softly which made him laugh. Our moment was stopped as the baby chimp let out a few more coos before snuggling up to uncle Will, all the while the grip on my finger got a bit tighter. I smiled down at him and said as I stroked my thumb over his tiny fingers. “Are you sure we can’t keep him?”

“I’ll—think about it. Holding him like this….makes me think back to the day you were born. Boy your mom wouldn’t let me near you at first. Feared I was gonna drop you, she always had that fierce mama bear instinct right from the get-go. Even when we were growing up and as she tormented me at times. When I needed it, she was there with her hot-headed attitude.”

“I miss her uncle Will.”

“Me too kid. Me too.” I leaned up against him and he rested his head on top of mine giving it a soft kiss. “Go on back to bed, I’ll stay up with him.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m used to all-nighters, one day you might get there when you’re composing your first symphony. But for now, head back to bed.”

“Can I still get my juice first? I’m thirsty.”

“Just this once. Just be quiet when passing Charles’ room.” I nodded before leaning down and gave the baby chimp a kiss to which he let out a cute yawn and quiet hoot.

“Goodnight little chimp. Night uncle Will.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said goodnight to me as I quietly left the bathroom shutting the door immediately as I got out. I went downstairs, got my drink and went back to bed.

The next morning I was finishing my breakfast and packing my school books into my backpack as uncle Will was coming down with the baby chimp and set him up in my old high-stool chair that grandpa had kept.

“Where’s my car keys?” grandpa asked as he was patting through his robe and pj pockets. “My car keys where’d you put them? I need to get Lin to school!” he said urgently.

“Dad.” Uncle Will calmly spoke to him. “You-you don’t drive anymore. And Lin takes the bus.” Grandpa looked at him with a blank stare before turning away and telling him.

“I know that.” It really does make me sad to see grandpa this way. He always looks so dazed and lost, like he’s here with us but at the same time he’s not. Sometimes he’ll just sit there and stare off into space, frozen in his spot and not say anything for a really long time.

“Here, why don’t you feed him? Can you do that?” uncle Will suggested holding up a baby bottle filled with milk.

“Of course I can.” Said grandpa coming over. As uncle Will went to get his coffee (blech!) grandpa came over and grabbed the bottle which made the baby chimp go crazy with hunger as he reached out for it. As soon as it was in reach, he grabbed the bottle from grandpa’s hand and immediately began drinking it as fast as he could.

I dropped my fork and stared at him in awe. I was told that babies always needed help being fed for at least several months and yet after just being born yesterday, he was feeding himself.

“Will, look at this.” Grandpa said as uncle Will came back into the kitchen and saw what we saw. “How old is he? Like a day old, two days old?” Uncle Will sat down as he examined the baby chimp confused.

“Yeah.” Uncle Will said lowly as he kept his eyes on the baby chimp.

“Oh he’s a smart one isn’t he?” said grandpa as he came around and sat on the other side of the baby and gently placed his hand on top of his head. “What are you gonna name him?”

“I—I don’t know.” Uncle Will said unsure. That’s when I saw it. Now I’m no monkey or ape expert but from pictures I’ve seen in books they normally have dark eyes, mostly brown but this little guy. His eyes were green.

A green eyed baby chimpanzee. One look into his eyes and I knew that he was something very special.

#planet of the apes #planet of the apes oc #planet of the apes imagine #planet of the apes imagines #caesar imagine #caesar imagines #caesar x reader #caesar x oc #planet of the apes x reader #planet of the apes fanfic #planet of the apes fanfiction #caesar fanfic #caesar fanfiction

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yourecitten · 5 months ago

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Hi!! I’d like to share a success story for some reason I never thought to post this on tumblr but here I am. I saw a pic of him in my ig and I realised I haven’t thought about the person in at least 6 months😭 but anyways I was manifesting a celebrity sp, he’s really popular atm and I had so many fears around it like third parties ect but manifested it regardless. So I was seeing a movie with sp in it and had an hour to kill beforehand so my friend and I decided to go to a random beach. I said to my friend as we were driving wouldn’t it be crazy if we saw sp here? As a joke… kind of lol but let’s just say the universe came through and after about 40 minutes of us being there we were getting ready to leave and all of a sudden guess who we see? SP IN THE FLESH!!! Not to mention he was supposed to be in another country filming another movie and all of a sudden he just spawns there, it’s not even a popular beach either it’s a super small town it was literally just my friend and I, sp and a few people walking their dogs 😭 He ended up walking behind us along the beach (not like in a creepy way we were just ahead of him) and I didn’t want to go up to him and ask for a picture bc I thought I was giving desperate and I wanted to give unbothered I don’t chase i attract energy lmao. But the sun was setting and my literally celebrity crush/sp was right there!! He was with his mum as well which is another reason why I didn’t go up to him but if I wasn’t over him I would totally manifest for us to meet again, I lowkey want to just for fun is that bad lmao.

It's not bad at all bahaha manifesting suppose to be fun , you suppose to enjoy it DW.

And whoa this success story is amazing thank you for sharing it. I can't wait for the next time you guys see eachother again keep me updated;)

#self concept #law of assumption #sp success story #loa success #success story #manifesting #loa blog #loassumption #manifestation #loassblog #loa #law of manifestation #affirm and persist

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curio-queries · 4 months ago

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hey, i was curious about something from ep 6. jimin talks about filming with the kids for sgmb, and jungkook says he saw the video. but sgmb was filmed the day before they left for tokyo, and their conversation was just a few days after that. there’s no way the finished product was done by then, right? (especially considering that music video wasn’t scheduled to come out for many months) can we assume jungkook is talking about some other video of jimin and the kids or maybe some raw footage? the timeline is just interesting to me!

Hi anon,

While there's really no way for us to know, I do have a couple of suspicions. But first, I would always recommend if any specific wording seems to stick with you abut anything the members say, please remember that they do speak in a language that often doesn't have a 1:1 translation to English. I don't have anyone to point you at since I don't spend any time in BTS social media outside of tumblr but I believe there are some army translators out there that can corroborate the translations.

Now, onto the video in question. There are a couple of hints I've gleaned over the years regarding BTS's work process and access to monitoring their own footage. In case you're not aware, the raw data on the big ol' fancy cameras is quite large and it takes some doing to get that data moved to here it needs to be for editing.

But we all know how involved BTS is with monitoring their own content after most takes. How many times do we see 3J asking for one more take in that Butter dance practice?? So we know they will utilize the monitor station to review directly after takes. But I've seen them point a lower quality camera at one of those monitors and watch the output later. You can see this type of footage in the SGMB shooting sketch as well. Here's a quick bit:

We see the entire cast gathered around a monitor but then it cuts to a camera recording the monitor. That means there is a person pointing a camera at the monitor itself. My theory is this extra footage is uploaded to some shared location for ease of review while the actual footage takes whatever time it requires to properly manage the quality. I would also assume that all of the members have access to this shared space to review whatever they'd like.

All just theories though. I know there are a few of you that have reached out to me who actually work in film and I'd be curious to know if this sounds realistic or not.

#park jimin #jeon jungkook #jikook #AYS #Are You Sure?!#SGMB

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dearweirdme · 6 months ago

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Thanks for answering my ask! I was this one: https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/755208541848076288/i-saw-your-comment-that-jkk-tumblrs-were

As for the video, I think it shows how close they are and how delighted they are by each other. I’m not sure why you don’t think JK being obsessed with Jimin and them showing up for each others lives doesn’t count? Or Hobi’s going away doesn’t count when Jkk talk about drinking a bunch of whiskey together the night before? How did Jk learn to play Jimin’s song on the guitar…? Jungkook talked about travelling with Jimin on Suchwita and was giddy. Do you not see it too? Maybe you don’t!

As for the not seeing each other during the first part of the year, Jk was very prolific on wlive (just about once every week or two) while Jimin was busy with Face. After JM was done with schedules, JK also became markedly less frequent on wlive. There were people predicting that JK would go live when JM left the country and then he would! It was uncanny. It happened several times in a row.

We have no idea why Jk didn’t go to JM’s shows, but I don’t think we can conclude it was because he didn’t care. He CLEARLY cared about Jimin and his music. Maybe he’s too distracting to Jimin. It truly could be anything, but do you REALLY believe it was because he didn’t GAF? He knew all the words to all of his songs and learned the guitar to play his song and watched every single video and feature JM put out. He cared.

As to the blogs struggling, they only struggled because they were used to being so well fed! Despite the company barely producing any BTS content during that time, there were still so many days when JK or JM (especially JK) would visit us and talk about the other or they’d interact with each other in some way on social media. It wasn’t everyday, but it was way more than any member of BTS talking about any other member of BTS. It was also addicting, if you’re into that kind of content. That’s what the struggle was.

Finally, as for how much any of them saw each other… well besides JK’s conspicuous sudden absence from streaming when JM was not busy, they did film a travel show together. That was quite a few days of being together that we’ll get to see some of soon. They also applied to be in the military together, which is a pretty involved application process. We can’t know for sure, but they probably saw each other quite a bit during that. But also Jimin started boxing again when he was done with Face schedules. Towards the end of the year, he’d come around with bruised up knuckles. Maybe that wasn’t with JK, but it seems like those two DO have a history of working out together a lot so maybe he was! Neither of them tell us when they are hanging out (unlike how open they are when it’s other members), but we do find out in lots of ways that they do hang out outside of BTS activities. I am happy to tell you why JKks know they hang out a LOT even if they never explicitly say it.

And I mean right now, at great personal cost to each, they are sleeping in the same room every night and bringing comfort to the other, non-stop for 18 months. There is that.

Anyway, I have looked at the tumblr you recommended, but it’s not convincing to me. Because I watch all the original content, I can see how the interactions are cherry picked and not nearly enough to be convincing, especially given the original context of whatever moment. You’re my favorite TKk blogger, so I wanted to know if there was anything that was super convincing to you. I hope you don’t block me for talking with you about this, I really am very curious and I do respect that we have different interpretations of what’s happening.

Hi again anon!

Sigh.. look, you are clearly stuck in Jkk think. I know what Jkkrs think (so no please don’t tell me) and you are just repeating everything the bigger blogs are telling you.. unsurprisingly.

This whole ask of your’s is filled with assumptions, romanticizing, and ‘maybe’s’ that you have no way of backing up with actual evidence. I now know you only watch Jkk content (and sure that might be original content) but you don’t watch content of the other members probably… so this conversation is useless. If you don’t understand why all those things I pointed out don’t count, then I am sure you never will.

I’m not sure how we went from me saying Jk and Jm have a great loving friendship to ‘do you really believe he didn’t GAF?’? Obviously they care a lot, they’re besties. My idea of them actually fits the footage you sent me much better than your idea of them, since I have no questions left at all.. while you are left wondering whether Jk might be too distracting to Jm (here I was thinking they’re in the same band…. 🫠).

Be a Jkkr if you want anon, it’s fine with me… you’ll forever be wrong… but still that’s fine by me.

#i’ll not reply again so don’t bother #look at my straws tag if you want to know more #or #ship analysis #straws #🙄#this is just toooooo cringe

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tenthsfreezeout · 2 months ago

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How did you get into Bruce?

That tiktok sound played in my head when I saw this “Oh my goodness I love this questionnnn!”

I was one of those kids raised on Bruce - the vinyls in my grandparents’ house, cassettes in the car, everything. I liked his music but I was kind of indifferent to him. I wasn’t going past the surface level.

THEN. Then in December 2016 everything changed… I went with my dad to the US to visit his cousin and he surprised us with tickets to Sting’s holiday themed Rainforest Fund show at Carnegie Hall, coinciding with our visit to NYC!

On the list to perform was - from what I can remember off the top of my head - Bruce, Sting, Darlene Love, Ronnie Spector, James Taylor and Idina Menzel.

This was like one of the coolest nights of my life. It’s a bit fuzzy now but I just remember everyone’s performances were so good. Sting did Last Christmas and it was great. James Taylor and Idina Menzel did a duet I’m pretty sure. I remember Ronnie Spector was incredible. I was genuinely the happiest person ever. Such a fond night.

Okay, the genesis moment ✨✨

Carnegie Hall was intimate in the way a concert hall is. It was just Bruce’s performance left. I remember it so vividly. You can imagine the BOLT of adrenaline and the heightened mania I was experiencing when I heard a “Ho Ho Ho” from the back and everyone WHIPPED their heads around. I genuinely had a visceral reaction deep from my soul when Bruce came down an aisle from the back of the hall. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed that loud (my dad was so surprised). I think that’s when I was like I LOVE THIS MAN.

“Ho, Ho, Ho! This is your Jersey Santa Claus,” he proclaimed. “I just got in! I didn’t think I was going to make it, the North wind is coming down and the temperature is dropping, and all I want for Christmas is… one of those [Sting]” — Billboard

I’m smiling so hard thinking of it now. I think he really enjoyed how small the place was - he went on stage then off it back into the crowd and kind of got mobbed lol. He sang Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town (the best!), Merry Christmas Baby, and a GREAT Tenth Avenue Freeze Out (with surprise guest, Lisa Fischer)!!!! (Go watch that performance it’s excellent. Lisa gives that song something great, the orchestra is amazing and Bruce is sooo bouncy.) And then everyone came out and did some more carols and it was super cute. I was dying. The bug had bit me. I was obsessed.

Then I was really into him for about two years and then it died down. Then in 2020 while experiencing the pandemic insanity, I really fell back heavily onto the From My Home To Yours episodes. I felt so connected to Bruce then, and I really enjoyed just taking a while to breathe and enjoy the music. I revisited all his albums - each day was a different album lol. Then when Letter to You was starting to be promoted and the film came out, I held on to that music for dear life. Whenever I hear the title track I’m transported to another world. So special to me.

Then I discovered bruce tumblr a few months ago and I was like. This is life changing these people are just as obsessed as I am. and I can pour my love for Bruce into this blog, which saves my friends from hearing me obsessively talk about him every single day lol. I’m grateful to be here :)

#ask #this one’s long but it’s cute :)

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bananaactivity · 5 months ago

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i saw the "ask me abt my descendants au" ask button and so i simply HAD to ask about your au--carlos is my fave, with harry being my second favorite (while morgie is my favorite from RoR), so i guess, if anything, i wanna ask abt carlos. whats he like in your au? what exactly happens--and do his cousins exist? love the way you draw him op!!

and abt your morgie and james verse--i'm curious, do harriet and cj exist ? does harry remember morgie at all? does hook ever even talk about him?

sorry if this was a lot!

Naw it’s all good, I’ve been waiting on an ask for forever 🙃 I will say I only consumed the movies back in elementary school (WILD IM SAYING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND NOW IM 18 LIKE TIME GOES BY SO FAST) The only books I read was Mals spell book. Not to say I don’t like reading, I read Ever After high books and The School for Good and Evil, I could just never get my hands on the Descendents ones. And I watched one episode of wicked world… and said fuc no never again.

All that to say I just found out three weeks ago that Harry had siblings, and that Carlos had any hench men or other stuff not specifically in the main movies. I had already figured out a lot of James and Harry’s story and suddenly the timeline was fucked because there was no way for Harriet or Cj or Jane Darling to exist in context. Harry is born as an accident in Neverland and Hook has to return home so he can grow and his mother is a random someone who wasn’t going to come back to take care of her son. Her existence is already shaky but then adding Harriet she’d have to be born first with Jane Darling who I didn’t account for in the slightest either. She’s Wendy’s daughter so now a lot more time will have to pass so she can grow up and come to neverland, which is gross and not in a campy Disney way… and I was having a hard time wrapping my head around it 🥲

That was until I gave Hook a younger brother who can get with Jane at an appropriate age 😈 He’s unarmed rn but he’s a Hook so Harriet and Cj will be Harry’s cousins who he’s estranged from until some events happen…

Harry does NOT remember Morgie especially not with him looking so scary and tryna kill his Stylist and sparing partner. ( Carlos and Jay) Hook only talks about him to Maleficent and Uliana ( Hades still thinks he’s a spoiled rich boy, and Hook still thinks it was dumb for a “god” to attend a four year University with mortals, also At this time Maleficent and Hades are in that bad argue stage right before a divorce) He was okay leaving them all because time is different in Neverland, even tho from his side he’s been gone 12 years, Morgie only missed him for one year and time melds together on Neverland since you don’t age so it was basically nothing. ( that’s why Peter Pan is so unhinged, he’s been there forever and he refuses to keep track) Morgies in the same time zone as them so he’s been gone a good ten years, Harry and his friends are 14-12 now,So everyone is feeling the effects, and Camelot is on lockdown due to Morgie terrorizing them so Hook can’t check up on him. ( I dunno if I mentioned on tumblr but in my au Auradon is the place that’s locked up so the poor and Villians can’t come in on their “superior” society, the rest of the world is made up of lands from other Fairy tales and Folklore) So Hook is worried but he keeps on and Harry’s memory of Morgie comes back after a month of getting used to him being back.

Sad part but I have to share, Morgie and Hook never officially unionize… Morgie knows he’ll outlive Hook by a VERY long time (till the end of time) and he can’t bring himself to finalize anything, his grief about Hooks mortality is slowly consuming him🫠 (also Hook has issues with living forever due to his trauma from Neverland and won’t entertain any sort of immortality shenanigans)

On another note Carlos is also my favorite! I’ve had him down in my notes (before I could brave the internet) as soon as the inspiration from the 1996 101 Dalmatians live action film staring Glenn Close hit me I knew what had to be done. ( and descendents of the sparrow inspired me 😙) Carlos is a very smart man, he’s the analyst, ranged weapons specialist, stylist and bestest member of my Core four. (Jay is a wreck, Mal is a wreck, and Evie is still slay but she has to get wrapped up in Mals mess because she loves her 🙄 damn you Evies demi-god/dragon gf ) but I’d say my Carlos is a little more disciplined then the Og. He hates gross things and hates getting dirty or messy. Hes dorm mates with Chad now because the fairy god mother doesn’t want the four to conspire together so easily ( like they do in the movies 😅) He threatens Chads and his forest friends a lot because Carlos also hates any animal that he isn’t wearing. He grows out of that eventually, but it takes the longest out of all of his flaws because… like did you see him in that tiger skin outfit!?? How could he give up furs?!?

Carlos story intertwines with Harry’s a lot, in a brotherly love way. I was having Carlos love his mom in my first posts about Carlos but since then I’ve changed it. Cruella Hates Hook and Carlos hates his mom for being abusive, so he makes Harry swear that Carlos can style him when he’s older to get back at his mom. It becomes more than that and now Carlos gets even more clients, enough to move out on his own but he ends up staying with Mal and Co. This separates him a little from Harry, Uma, and Gil who he grew close with because Harry’s home was his safe place from his mother. She not only hated Hook but also the sea and its smells and the hustle of the costal territory present on that side of the isle. He still sees them when he goes for meetings with Harry, to Mals agitation. Mal Hates Uma and is kinda scared of Harry. ( Maleficent, Uliana and Hook think they accidentally bestied to close to the sun and made their kids and niece hate each other on accident)

Jay is jealous of Carlos due to his obsession with beating Harry and stuff. I’m not a hundred percent sure if I wanna go Huma or Jarry for this one… leaning towards Huma as Jerry is really toxic and I already have a bunch of other toxic couples I don’t want a million of them fr. For Carlos I’m thinking Aro/Ace like bro just wants to chill and design cool shit. I could see people having him be with Chad based on the context of my au, close proximity/enemie’s to lovers/hhimbo and smart guy, but I’m just not feeling it and Jaylos felt forced during the movies so I don’t want that 🫠

I have more but this is basically a fic chapter all on its own, if you have anymore askes I’ll gladly answer them!! I don’t mind spoiling my story like this, I find my fic interests in the specific conversations characters have and details. So this isn’t something I’m against doing…

Edit: I’m also having trouble on what I want the themes of these fics to be. I want a little bit more then “cool alternative universe!!!” I’m love this au but I’m also using this story to help warm me up for developing a story with my own characters that I’ve had swimming in my mind for years 😭

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choicesficwriterscreations · 2 years ago

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CFWC Writer of the Month - June 2023: peonyblossom

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @peonyblossom We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog: peonyblossom Blog Masterlist AO3

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Peony, Jay, or Ethan

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I started playing Choices when it was first introduced after I saw the promos on HSS and HWU. Ofc the first book I played was High School Story!!

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Choices fandom because of Thomas Hunt LMAO. After playing the Thomas dates in HWU, I looked him up on Tumblr to see if there was any fan content, and there was (HUGE shoutout to @lovealexhunt and @gutsfics because their works were the first ones I saw). Through following a few Thomas Hunt fan accounts, I found some other stuff in the fandom, like CFWC, and decided to read some other really popular stories, and it just snowballed lol.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I wanted something that wasn’t fandom-specific so I could post content for any of the many fandoms I’m in. And peonies are my favorite flower!

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

The first first post in my archive is a reblog of a One Direction fanfic. My first original post was about the show Miraculous Ladybug.

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Ooh. A long time. Sixth or seventh grade, so nine or ten years?

6- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to write about?

My favorite Choices book is America’s Most Eligible, but my favorite book to write about is Red Carpet Diaries/Hollywood U. I think I just like reading and writing about stories in the film industry since that’s what I do, lol.

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were writing it today?

Waiting Game / peonyblossom / AO3

I still like it! But, if I were writing it today, I would probably make it third person instead of first. It’s still cute, though!

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Okay, probably a tie between What If It’s Now? and Love Lost.

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but found could use a little more love?

I think there are a few I thought would’ve gotten a little more attention when I first posted them, but by now, I don’t really think that anymore.

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

FLUFF. I mean, I pretty much only write fluff right now; I just love it so much!

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Oh yeah. I think I see myself the most in my RCD/HWU MC, Jackie. In the HWU Universe, she’s a film student, like me, and in both universes, she’s an actor, like me!

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Finding the time to do it 🥲 Other than that, probably just get started. I tend to psych myself out, especially with bigger projects.

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

So. Many.

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

It depends on who it is, but I’d probably let them. As for what I’d recommend, it also depends on the person. Honestly, might just send them my AO3 and let them decide ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

Probably more than I know! I’m sure there are plenty of authors who influence me subconsciously. But, I would say I tend to be influenced by classic novels like The Great Gatsby and The Picture of Dorian Gray.

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Forever Sounds Perfect! I would love to just watch Ethan propose to Sydney 🥺

17- Do you write original fiction?

Yeah! I mostly do screenwriting, but I also do fiction and poetry writing.

18 - What other hobbies do you have?

Hiking, reading, and yoga!

19 - What’s your favorite emoji?

🥰 or 🫶

#choices fic writers creations #cfwc writer of the month #playchoices #writer of the month #peonyblossom #june 2023 #choices fanfic #playchoices fanfic

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scottykarve · 10 months ago

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About a month ago, I took a trip to Australia and met up with Ted while he was in the ward. I, against the instruction of the staff, recorded our interaction, but the audio was completely garbled. Gibberish to anyone but Ted and I, probably. Don’t use a spy pen from a happy meal if you plan to actually hear it back. Luckily, with my supreme memory assisted by what little I could hear, I was able to write out this thing. I guess transcribing audio logs is all tumblr’s good for? I wasn’t going to post it, but Ted was right, someone can probably make use of anything. So here, if this connects any dots, use it.

[Clicking sound, audio starts. Bitcrushed throughout, with intermittent loud plasticky sounds.]

Ted: Uh.

Me: Hi. Scott, um, karvingwood. Scott Kulver. I decoded the shit on the blog.

Ted: Right, right.. You- you’re American, though. How did you-?

Me: It was an expensive flight. Can I ask you some questions?

Ted: [pause, slightly incredulous huff] Slow down, I think I have some questions first? How did you find me? Why did you find me?

Me: Oh, easy, I asked the Star person on your tumblr. I needed to talk to you, so if I could just?- [the ‘wub wub’ sound paper makes when you flap it]

Ted: Fine, get on with it.

Me: Thanks. So, firstly- [pause, reading from notes I had] … Um, in ‘January’, the video doesn’t glitch when [hesitation] the Tall Guy’s around. What’s up with that?

Ted: I cou-

Me: Talk into the pen please.

Ted: Is that a mic-? ..eh, okay. I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t edit the video. Mmmaybe it had something to do with Virus? That was the first time I’d filmed meeting Him with the mask on. Maybe it interfered, or He just chose not to corrupt it.. Who knows.

Me: Okay, cool. Speaking of Virus, what is it like wearing, uh, him?

Ted: Like a buff in a video game. Invincibility or immunity or something. I don’t get tired, I don’t need to eat, I can be in His presence without feeling sick. It catches up when I take it off, but..

Me: When orr where did you get it?

[six seconds of silence]

Me: Oookay. New line of questions. When did you start seeing Ezra?

Ted: I was 18, so, uh.. God, must’ve been 2022? Early in the year. Kit recommended I ask to see her when I was getting diagnosed with depression. Said she was a great listener, stopped listening when they turned 20, for some reason, so they stopped going. Always felt like there might’ve been more to it. I wasn’t having the same issues, so I just.. kept seeing her.

Me: Kit.. I like the Murphys. Nice ride over.

Ted: Wh- you met them?

Me: Oh, yeah, Kit drove me here. Might see Freyja tonight. We saw a cat on the way, cute black one with just the biggest moon eyes. Reminded me of your little lady. Anyways,-

[quiet huff/sigh noise from Ted]

Me: -speaking of Ezra, [gesturing at arm] what’s the symbol been doing for you?

Ted: Fuck all, as far as I’m concerned. He shows up more frequently than I remember, but that’s probably just because the.. Yknow. Things keep on dropping. He’s like a vulture, just… showing up when something dies to take it.

Me: Mm. And your arm, how is it? Healing up?

Ted: It’s.. fine, I guess. The nurses replaced the bandages to make sure it can heal properly.

Me: Sick, good. That’d be a sweetass scar, but yknow. So the staff’s been treating you fine, I take it.

Ted: There’s a group of nurses I really don’t vibe with, but they keep their distance if I’m not alone.

Me: Makes sense. So, um, on the subject of bodies. [voice lowers] How did you start with the sacrifices?

Ted: [sound of chair scooting back] Jesus christ, say that any louder?

Me: Sorry.

Ted: [voice also lowers] …Look, I’m not going to give you advice on culty killing sprees or anything. The first one was an accident. Kind of. A bird. Swung at it, killed it, and when I found it in my suitcase of all places.. I offered it up, and He sure as shit showed up to take it.

Me: Mm. Has He showed up at all while you’ve been here?

Ted: Yeah, a few times. A few patients, uh.. [lowering voice again] A few nurses have died since I’ve been here. Not my work, I swear to god, but He’s taking them like they’re more sacrifices. Lucky me. There, um.. Three of them. Clearly not natural causes, either. One’s head was caved in, one had their throat slit, and.. And one was bleeding from the face. Something isn’t right here but if I can keep my head down I can get the fuck outta here. Last thing I need is to end up like them.

Me: I’d break you out if I could. [soft laugh]. Well, thanks for, um, your honesty. [chair scooting back sound] It was nice to meet you, Ted! [sound of notebook closing] I’m sure we’ll be-

[clicking sound, audio end]

#teds a great listener #would love to go back under less hospitalized conditions

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dailylesliec · 10 months ago

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[TRANSLATION] Art and Piece Issue 16 - Man Lim Chung about Leslie Cheung

"Thank you for the beauty and grace you shared with us for so many years."

THE LITTLE SPARK THAT GOR-GOR HELD TIGHT

Man Lim Chung - Assistant Production Designer, "Happy Together"

I am Man Lim Chung, a production designer and director. In my eyes, Leslie’s beauty is irreplaceable. His magnetic pull remains unrivalled. Even before I met him, he was a superstar. Leslie, Danny Chan and the like were very popular back in the day - I grew up listening to their songs.

I first worked with Leslie in 1994 on Tsui Hark’s Chinese New Year comedy “The Chinese Feast”. I was mainly in charge of settings and special props, so I rarely interacted with him as only the crew handling the costumes would have the chance to do so. That’s why even though I saw him a lot, we didn’t really talk. It wasn’t until 1996 when I had the opportunity to work on Wong Kar-Wai’s “Happy Together” that I worked together with Gor-gor in Argentina on the film for a few months.

At first, most of the camerawork was still in the preparatory stage, such as finding props and costumes in Argentina. However, the schedule grew tighter and tighter as time went on. We had long shoots almost every day, but I was getting married in November, while the crew only set off in September. So around ten days before my wedding, I told the crew that I had to go back to Hong Kong. I remember well that around two days before I left, I passed by Gor-gor’s seat during a scene change. He suddenly grabbed me and said to me, “What the hell! Getting married? I wanna get married too... we’ve been working so hard on the film, how can you just leave us all behind like this and go get married?“ He held my hands tightly - he was obviously joking, and I could tell he was really happy for me. I was so surprised and flattered. After returning to Hong Kong, I even received a wedding gift on the day of the ceremony. Even though he was terribly busy, he still remembered my wedding.

Unfortunately, after “Happy Together”, I didn’t really work with Leslie again. In 2003, I received a call from him. “This is Gor-gor”, he said. he told me he was starting work on a movie and wanted me to help with production design. I really wanted to accept, but I was preparing to work on “20 30 40” in Taiwan with Sylvia Chang, so my schedule didn’t allow for it. Upon hearing my reply, he said, “Oh, let’s see about it again later then.” I couldn’t imagine that after SARS, not only did I no longer have the chance to work with him again, but I no longer had the chance to see him ever again.

20 years. This is the 20th anniversary of Leslie’s passing. Although I wasn’t Gor-gor‘s closest companion, I’m lucky to have two remaining photos of us - one at work, another one on a day when we didn’t have to film. Gor-gor met up with William Chang for coffee and dragged me and a translator along. Just like that, Leslie and I enjoyed a rare lazy afternoon in Argentina, sitting quietly in a coffee shop and enjoying the rays of sun on our faces. Just by looking at the photo, you can see that whether on or offscreen, he was a really kind, down-to-earth star. He didn’t care about his status and loved chatting and sharing with us. He didn’t mind jokes and was nice to all the crew. On the day he tightly held my hands, I too felt the blessings he sent me. That’s why I also want to thank him - thank you for the beauty and grace you shared with us for so many years, especially when performing on stage.

No one can replace Leslie Cheung. At least to me, that statement is completely true. We dearly miss everything he gave to us.

Translated by me (@dailylesliec on Twitter/Tumblr), do not repost without credit. If you like this translation, consider following me or buying me a Ko-fi. For the formatted PDF version of this article, click here.

#leslie cheung #dailylesliec translations #張國榮 #art and piece #wong kar wai #장국영 #happy together #man lim chung

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imdonnalynn · 1 year ago

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Not So Simple, But It Is (1/1) REPOST

Summary: Mal and River have a certain bond, but is Mal willing to take the next step?

Pairing: Malcolm Reynolds/River Tam

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 1,448

Warnings: None really, adult situations, talk of adult situations.

A/N: I wrote this over 15 years ago and it's one of the ones I actually still like so I'm reposting here on my tumblr.

Disclaimer: The characters of Firefly (series) / Serenity (film) do not belong to me so do not sue me for copywrite infringement.

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Mal sat comfortably in the pilot’s seat of Serenity just gazing out at the stars, thinking. A year passed since the crew risked their lives to uncover the Alliance’s lie about Miranda. A year since Wash and Shepherd died. And just five months ago they found a new pilot, Drake. Mal liked him well enough, and he meshed with the crew alright, but Zoë didn’t associate with him much. Understandably of course he would never be Wash. Zoë put up quit a fuss when Drake was brought on to meet the crew. She argued that River did just fine and no one else was needed. Mal argued in return that River was more useful on a heist for her mental abilities and combat skills. Mal would never admit aloud but he loved to watch River in action. She looked like she danced when she fought. Her mental state improved dramatically in the last year. She honed her abilities, reeled them in. Now it wasn’t so hard to block the crew’s thoughts out. Before Miranda she heard every thought and envisioned just about every memory. There’s no telling what secrets she knows about the crew. But she would never tell any of their secrets.

“Hey little one,” Mal said thoughtfully over his shoulder to River in the doorway. Behind him he heard her tiny feet against the floor as she made her way into the room to sit in the co-pilots seat.

She sat down and placed her feet in the seat and wrapped her arms around her legs loosely. “How did you know I was there?” she asked not prodding his mind. She liked to hear Mal talk and she would purposely find something to talk about just to hear his soothing voice.

“I’d know those tiny footsteps anywhere,” he teased glancing at her then back to the stars.

She rested her cheek against her knee and just watched him. The things she knew about him…would probably shock the rest of the crew. She knew stuff about him that Zoë didn’t even know. Then again, she knew stuff about Mal and Zoë that Wash had not known. That was the case with the crew in general. She missed taking a dip into his mind it was so…enticing but sometimes downright frightening. But it was wrong to just swim around in anyone’s mind no matter how harmless it may seem. People generally took what they thought and imagined for granted. It’s the one place where they have complete privacy, to keep their own fantasies, secrets, and desires. In Mal’s case she saw he was capable of such evil…just like her. She and Mal had more in common than people thought.

It would be so easy…

“What’re you doin’ little one?” his voice held a hidden meaning as he tilted his head to look at her. What he meant was…are you in my mind?

She nodded no against her knee.

He smiled lightly and settled further into the seat and stared back at her. For the longest time they just stared at one another. Something about her eyes were so comforting. They held such strength in them, and he needed that all too often. “What’s got you up and about?” he asked quietly.

“You,” she stated softly.

“Me?” he replied, not really a question.

She nodded then propped her chin against her knee. “You found a way in,” she smiled. “You always find a way in.” She blushed lightly and turned her gaze to the console before her. What the crew dreamed would sometimes make its way into her mind. She could easily block them out…all but Mal. He was her very own guilty pleasure. She knew he knew about her habit, but he never said anything to her aloud. She never told his secrets and he never told hers. An unspoken agreement.

“What did you see?” he’d never asked her before, and he didn’t know why he did now. He knew she understood that he couldn’t help what he dreamed of. Just because you dreamt something didn’t mean you were willing to do it or had done it.

“Dreams are answers to questions we don’t yet know how to ask,” she quoted softly.

What were dreams? Why do we dream what we dream? Are dreams a way of letting our subconscious play? Or were dreams somehow linked to the spiritual world? Were they visions of a possible future? One could never tell. Maybe they’re a way to express your darkest desires and not so excepted habits that everyone would disapprove of if you really fulfilled them?

“I felt it more than saw it,” she admitted softly glancing at him. Her heart leaped at the piercing gaze he held on to her. “I knew it was you…” she trailed off. “I don’t understand though.” She said shaking her head lightly.

He looked away and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Don’t understand what?” he asked knowing they were headed into dangerous waters. Was he ready to have this inevitable conversation? Was he ready to explain to River with words what he felt, or what he wanted?

“You hesitate…” she swallowed nervously. “You think I’m broken.”

Mal sighed heavily and ran a hand through his spiked hair. “River…”

“…everyone thinks I’m broken,” she said sadly.

“You’re not broken River,” he reassured.

“But you think I am,” she pressed.

“I don’t think you’re broken,” he defended himself.

“Then why do you hesitate?” she insisted.

He looked at her sharply, “Because it’s not as simple as you want it to be. The things people do in life don’t just affect themselves but the people around them too. And for me and you…” he trailed off shaking his head. “…it just wouldn’t be right.” He whispered the last little bit.

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away before he could see it. She wanted desperately to be seen as the young woman she was. Not the child she was when she and Simon boarded Serenity three years prior. She wasn’t the unstable seventeen-year-old psycho anymore. Granted she still had her spells but that was an unfortunate side effect of her treatment by the Alliance. When she did take a spell, it didn’t last so long, and they were very mild compared to her early days on board. She could fly the ship, go on heists and Mal had even let her make a deal or two with Zoë when he had to stay on board for some reason. So why wasn’t she good enough to be with?

He’s ashamed of you…her conscious whispered.

River gasped and jumped from the chair to her feet and looked frantically around the room. “No…” she whispered covering her ears.

Mal stood instantly and was across the room and in front of her in a matter of seconds. “River?” he took her face between his hands and made her look at him. “You, okay? What’s wrong?” he asked concerned. It’d been months since her last spell, and he hoped and prayed that he hadn’t caused her to fall now. She looked deep into his eyes and took a deep shaky breath. “Mal please, tell me the truth…I want to hear you say it…” she hoped he understood what she needed, what she craved.

Mal clenched his jaw and leaned his forehead against hers. “Truth is…there is nothing in this verse that I want more than to show you how I feel but I’m scared to death River. I’m scared I’ll hurt you more and that’s the last thing you deserve. I don’t see you as a child and I don’t think you’re broken.” He kissed her forehead and let his lips linger. “You are a gift…never let anyone tell you otherwise.” Slowly he traced his lips down the bridge of her nose and rested his lips against hers in a full but soft kiss.

River was assaulted with a wave of emotion and sensation. No one had ever showed her this much affection and it made her stomach clench. The sensations from another person's dream and the actual physical sensation were very much different. He felt so soft but hard at the same time and she wanted to feel more. Did the weight of his body feel the same as it did in his dreams? Her dreams?

“Thank you,” she breathed as they parted.

He shook his head slightly gazing down at her still cupping her face, “No…don’t ever feel like that.”

She understood now. It wasn’t just her he was worried about but himself too. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to go another step. But she would wait…she had too.

THE END

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sleepymarmot · 1 year ago

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Phantom Thread (2017)

[Finally forcing myself to post the reviews of films I watched earlier this year. Saw this one on January 29th — almost exactly seven months ago! As usual, I also post the notes I took while watching, so scroll down a bit if you only want the review.]

Liveblog

The dress is pretty but it doesn’t sit well on her at all.

Damn that was quite a rude way to hit on a perfect stranger

Girl has no sense of self-preservation! What do you mean you get into the car of a customer you talked to for two minutes, after dark?!

Wow he put his fingers in the sauce, is that normal for rich British men or is that another creepy flirting method? That’s unhygienic, please use your own food for innuendo

Oh my god Cyril is immediately acting creepy also

“My job to give you some. (beat) If I choose to.” Dude lmao…

“You have the ideal shape. He likes a little belly.” Ok first of all, insane thing to say once again. Secondly, w h e r e

I like this dress even less. Weird skirt, looks uncomfortable.

Why did he bring his sister to their date

“How early?” “I’ll wake you.” …

The fabric conversation… Is this negging again or is he for real

I really thought Cyril would say “Maybe you’re being too fussy.” I guess Alma has not yet leveled up enough to get quoted verbatim

“But, please, don’t let her sit around waiting for you.” Ha, now Cyril is repeating Alma’s words without even knowing Does Cyril not drink from the kettle? That was kind of risky…

The wedding dress is ugly Oh, he said it himself, okay

Damn, all of these women have to work overtime because of this couple’s power plays

He went from “I want a divorce” to “We’re doing food poisoning based BDSM” awfully quickly

Wait where’s that text post about being poisoned by your wife... Was it inspired by this movie lol

Ok so we all agree Reynolds is autistic, with his routines and picky eating and misophonia

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Review

How come Tumblr has never mentioned this one to me? Feels silly to say “where have you all been hiding this” about a Best Picture nominee from five years ago, but still. This is literally a romance between “ok first of all i didnt "miss" the red flags i looked them and thought yeah thats sexy” and “love my terrible wife […] when we eat dinner ill smile and say “poison again ?” and she will shrug mischievously but we both know it is very much poison”!

General notes

Set design, cinematography and lighting were beautiful. In our age of murky shots, it’s remarkable to see a film that’s never underlit — sometimes even the opposite. Wasn’t a fan of the grain, though; the flickering is hard on the eyes, and in the copy I watched it looked like a low quality rip instead of a warm nostalgic analogue look that I assume was intended. The sound side was as good as the visuals: this might be the first time I actually noticed the sound design, and the score was nothing less than what I expected of Jonny Greenwood.

I have mixed feelings about the costuming. Some of the dresses are beautiful… but the two most important ones, the very first dress we see and the very first dress made for Alma, didn’t fit the wearers’ silhouettes, and looked stiff and uncomfortable.

Some of the dialogue, mostly at the beginning, felt unnatural; not sure if that’s just me not being a native speaker, since nobody else had the same complaint.

I didn’t get “never cursed”. Was that a statement Reynolds secretly made about himself, or a lucky charm referring to the princess’ marriage? Why did Alma rip the label out? Why did she join the seamstresses in the first place — did she feel guilty that they got caught in the crossfire and had to work overtime because of her, or did she just want to inspect the dress? I also don’t understand why people seem to adore the New Year’s Eve scene.

Do you think Alma told the doctor the whole story, or just talked about their relationship but left out the poisonings? I think it would be unwise to tell that to anyone lest they call the police…

In the sections below, I am going to talk negatively about Reynolds a lot. So I want to clarify first: I do sympathize with Reynolds in many ways; I wouldn’t want a new person to get in the way of my habits, and I would be unhappy with the surprise dinner too. And that’s also exactly why I don’t invite strangers to live with me and interrupt my routines then get mad at them for that, you know…

Filing this one as “Movies I wouldn’t want to watch or discuss with my mother even though there’s zero sex and nudity on screen”. I don’t know which part would be more awkward, the Freudian subtext or everything else…

The omelette

I’ve recently acquired a bad habit of reading too much about movies before watching. In this case it was probably a good thing, though: without the spoilers, I doubt I would have seen this any time soon, or managed to sit through the first hour. Luckily, I didn’t know the key element of the omelette scene, and still managed to have a proper first time viewing experience as it slowly dawned on me that Reynolds was aware of everything and the poisoning was going to be consensual this time.

That scene, and the follow-up interactions between Alma and Reynolds in the cottage (excluding the daydreaming flash-forwards, which I have mixed feelings about), were, unsurprisingly, my favorite part of the film. Many reviews quote Alma’s monologue (which, as I realize now, I might have originally encountered in a joke screenshot with zero context) or the line Reynolds says in response, so I’ll highlight some other things. The contrast between how simple and ordinary their actions are on the surface (cooking, serving food, eating, talking at the table) and how wild the meaning of these actions is; the mix between a duel, a dance and a negotiation that mostly consists of extremely mundane movements. The intense eye contact, the “I know that you know that I know”. How Alma put too much butter in his food and poured water too loudly for too long, and he accepted it without complaint but with the same calm and clarity as the poison. How they look genuinely happy, in love, and on the same page for the first time in the entire film. How easily he says “I love you”.

The omelette discourse

…And now that I’ve documented my immediate positive emotional response, it’s time for some overthinking and complaining. Perhaps everything I say below can be dismissed by saying “they’re both awful and deserve each other, that’s the point haha”, but that’s not a mode my brain can stay in for long. So please bear with me, or just skip this section.

Because no matter how exciting and cathartic that ending is, I can’t help but ask: what next? Is this experience going to let Reynolds finally grow out of his cycle of childlike helplessness and patriarchal despotism, instead of solidifying it? What are we supposed to infer — that the poisonings are going to be a regular occurrence from now on, or that they will become unneeded as Reynolds gradually mellows out? (The former would, realistically, have diminishing returns and practical complications like “people are going to start asking questions”, and the latter kind of goes against the celebratory kink-positive tone of the film’s grand finale.) Are we to believe that Alma’s poison is an antidote to Reynolds’s toxic masculinity, and that the more he submits to Alma the more he can tolerate her when things go back to normal, until the two of them grow to exist harmoniously?

I guess there is some evidence of that process already beginning. When Reynolds bounces back after the first poisoning, he’s slightly less mean to Alma than before the marriage. Alma’s poisoning is also less destructive the second time: consent, no collateral damage, not on the eve of an important deadline, she agrees to call the doctor.

I think the film wants the viewer to think that by the end, Reynolds and Alma’s mutual toxicity cancels itself out, and they manage to reach a harmonious equilibrium. That might be true of the first poisoning, where Alma retaliates against Reynolds’s abuse with some of her own. At the mid-point of the film, their vileness is pretty evenly matched. After that first poisoning, there’s a brief honeymoon period. Then Reynolds goes back to berating Alma, disregarding her feelings, and being dissatisfied with her presence in his life… And in response to Reynolds making her feel unloved, Alma does something that makes Reynolds feel loved. In the end, the score is still in Reynolds’s favor instead of being even. Even in Alma’s daydreams of their happily ever after, the closing monologue of the film, there is no mention of Reynolds changing to accommodate her, only of Alma changing to accommodate him: “I am older and I see things differently, and I finally understand you.”

Perhaps here the story structure and the balance of power between the characters are in conflict; it makes sense to end the film on the strong scene that changes the relationship in a major way — but that means the viewer doesn’t get to know if that change leads to improvement. We never learn if Reynolds eventually becomes a better partner; we only know that Alma is committed to him either way.

No matter how satisfying the couple’s new arrangement is to watch, I don’t see how it would help with the actual problems in their relationship. They are at different stages of life, and that exacerbates the natural differences between their temperaments. Reynolds doesn’t respect Alma as an equal; he insults her and allows others to insult her to his face. He has immense power and privilege over her socially and materially. He has a career that he loves and a devoted sister, but she has no life outside of him — no friends, family, interests, hobbies, income, etc. — and it’s hard to tell if it’s sexist writing, intended characterization, or both.

How is any of that going to be helped by them growing closer emotionally? You two found a love language you have in common and unlocked a new level of intimacy and mutual understanding, congratulations! Is it going to broaden Alma’s horizons and opportunities? Is it going to give Reynolds more progressive views and social awareness, enough to at least defend the honor of his lower class wife? Is he going to stop being emotionally abusive because he is emotionally fulfilled?

This would imply that Reynolds behaves the way he does simply because he is too high-strung and he just needs to take a chill pill. That the problems in their relationship can be reduced to him being a control freak, and once he gets accustomed to giving up control and learns to enjoy it, and then he’ll be a good partner. Sorry, but it’s hard for me to believe that one can tame, let alone fix someone by domming them.

The film seems to attempt a subversion of the patriarchal, hierarchical “artist/muse” “upper class/working class” “man/woman” power dynamics. But the characters do not dismantle that existing power imbalance: instead, they build something new and mutually satisfying on top of it. The film intentionally avoids the feminist wish fulfillment route: Alma doesn’t liberate herself, and she doesn’t even want to. It’s a fairy tale where the Beast doesn’t really become a better person, so the Beauty becomes a worse one to “match” him… but she’s still locked inside his castle. Alma doesn’t abandon the role of a muse, only adds another traditionally feminine role to it: mother. As Feminist Frequency’s review puts it, “Traditional, restrictive gender roles are not escaped; one set is just briefly swapped out for another.” Related: it might be just a consequence of Reynolds’s chosen trade, but the people Alma walks over in her bids for his attention are always women (Barbara Rose, the seamstresses).

Speaking of motherhood… What happens when the woman who likes to treat her husband like a baby gets a real baby? How does she split her time between them? Does she end up neglecting one of them, does that make Reynolds jealous or more abusive? Or will he by that time have gone through enough personal growth to be actually fit for fatherhood? An interview with an expert on Alma’s specific brand of abuse asks an even more worrying question: “I also wondered about the baby at the end, because those who engage in the behavior are likely to do it [again] when similar situations arise. So as the baby gains skills of emancipation, would Alma be equally threatened by that? I saw the baby and thought: Oh no, it may be at risk.”

Perhaps I am being overly cynical and uncharitable here because of who made the film. When an artist with a history of being cruel to his girlfriend writes a story about an artist being cruel to his girlfriend, and makes the fictional girlfriend abusive too, how can I not question it? This film was already very awkward to approach and enjoy as a fan of Fiona Apple, even regardless of its content.

The relationship development

Another thing that didn’t work very well for me in the final sequence is something that also applies to the other parts of the film: the internal logic of the couple’s relationship development. Reynolds goes from “This was a mistake, I can’t live like this, I want a divorce” to “Intoxicate me now 😏 With your lovin’ now 😍 I think I’m ready now 😳” in the space of one cut. These scenes are directly adjacent with no development between them. It makes sense from Alma’s perspective (“what an asshole he’s being, he needs to be poisoned ASAP”), but not from Reynolds’s.

On Alma’s side, though, there’s also a bit of weirdness: Alma to Reynolds: Don’t worry babe you’re not gonna die, I’ll take care of you <3 Alma to the doctor: If he died that’d be fine by me, we’d just meet in the afterlife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really can’t tell how I am supposed to take this, and which of the men she was lying to!

But let’s go back to the beginning of the film. Throughout the initial phase of the relationship, I was sure that Reynolds chose playful bullying as his flirting tactic consciously, but later in the film he showed so little self-awareness that I started to suspect he thought that was a normal way to show interest in a girl you just met. Either way, I was surprised that the way he condescended to her changed considerably when the seduction was over, though in retrospect it makes sense. On Alma’s side, there was a similar shift: she was far more welcoming of his insulting methods of flirting than I would expect from a self-respecting adult with a strong personality, and started rebelling when they settled into domesticity. Perhaps the domineering attitude of a handsome stranger showering her with attention was exciting at first, but when their relationship became routine, she quickly grew sick of being treated like a second class citizen in what has become her own home. (I wasn’t joking with the quote at the top of the review: it was my genuine and immediate impression that Alma goes along with the 342561 red flags exhibited during the very first day not because she’s a doormat but because she’s a freak.)

The love at first sight didn’t work for me, as well as the couple’s determination to stay together despite their incompatibility. I’m just not convinced that they actually love each other as entire human beings. They do love certain sides of each other. Reynolds loves the muse with the perfect measurements; the assistant totally devoted to him; the new woman (future) finally displacing his older sister (present) and mother (past) while, unlike them, also being his sexual partner. Alma loves the genius who makes her feel beautiful and important. They both love the persona the other assumes in a caretaking scenario. But is there a deeper connection? Do they actually love each other unconditionally, not just the aspects of each other that fulfill their needs? I’ve seen quotes in confirmation of that from PTA and Vicky Krieps — but the text itself provides no satisfactory evidence of that.

Obligatory comparisons with other films

I like to chain movies together because of themes or character dynamics they share. A couple of reviews for Crimes of the Future mentioned this film, and I decided to watch it next assuming that the similarities start and end with the relationship between an aging artist and a strong-willed younger woman. Turns out, these two films also make an interesting double feature because in some ways they’re an inverse of each other. Crimes of the Future and its main couple wear abnormality on their sleeve, but the central relationship is healthy and stable; Phantom Tread appears classy and family-friendly, hiding the more shocking aspects of the relationship beneath the luxurious surface. Both films are very sensual without the conventional sex scenes, but the approach is diametrically opposite: Crimes of the Future circumvents the content rating system, managing to put explicit scenes on screen just because they don’t contain specific banned body parts; Phantom Thread purposefully and conspicuously avoids showing any sex or nudity to preserve the aesthetic and make other scenes feel more charged. The protagonist’s old age is important in both: for Saul, it’s deteriorating health and conservatism towards newer ideologies and ways of interacting with and modifying one’s body; for Reynolds, it is the decades of habit and privilege making him internalize the belief that his own authority, taste, routines are something absolute and unquestionable.

A bigger surprise was the two films also shared the theme of food and eating. Crimes of the Future: eating as a fundamental bodily function, food as means of sustenance, and the politics of food; Phantom Thread: eating as pleasure, food as means of human connection, and the power dynamics of feeding and being fed. Both films go deeper than the surface: food is not just something that is served and tasted, but chewed, swallowed, and digested, which is not necessarily a smooth and uncomplicated process. Phantom Thread’s exploration of the food theme is probably the best one I’ve seen so far not just in film but in any media, and the only one I can think of where “food as love and sex” made sense for me.

Choosing The Favourite as the next film to watch after this one was a good choice too: they also had some things in common. There’s a young woman winning an older and more powerful person’s affection by taking care of them while they’re sick, there are toxic relationship, there’s even literal poison... The older parties are similarly spoiled and eccentric but very different in certain important ways, and the protagonists are even more alike.

People have mentioned this film’s similarities to Rebecca, which I haven’t read or watched; my own first thought was about Misery, which I also haven’t read or watched. Out of the films I’ve seen before, there’s Crimson Peak — someone made an entire Venn diagram for their similarities. I’ve also seen comparisons with a number of other films, mostly ones I haven’t seen. Is Phantom Thread more intertextual than the usual or is that just me?

#phantom thread #liveblogs and reviews #blah blah blah #maybe i should stop trying to write coherent reviews...#i wrote most of this right away but the task of making it readable has been weighing me down for months and drained so much energy from me

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dashboarddiaries · 10 months ago

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Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers).

Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For bonus clips, ad-free episodes, and more, become a pal at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Lauren: Hello, Fandom Fixaters! I’m Lauren Shippen, Professional Writer who would go into space if given the opportunity but also knows that if I were living in a space science fiction universe I would die immediately.

Cher: I could not agree more with that statement for myself as well ... yeah. Yep!

Lauren: Great!

Cher: Hi, I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of Entertainment at Tumblr. Hi, I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of Entertainment at Tumblr.

Lauren: And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

And we are going to get into space adventures and time loops but first, Cher, what was your last month on Tumblr like?

Cher: Uh, well, it’s been quite a month on Tumblr. First off, even as of the last 24 hours when we’re recording this the Oscar’s were last night.

Lauren: God, that’s right!

Cher: Obviously, Tumblr had a lot of thoughts, a lot of gif sets, a lot of KENergy, if you will.

Lauren: Ooh, uh huh, uh huh.

Cher: I was definitely following along virtually. I actually still need to watch the Oscars. I was out and about and didn’t get to watch them. So, I plan to do it tonight. But I feel like seeing them through the lens of Tumblr – do I?

Lauren: That’s the thing. I watch the Tony’s every year because I love seeing the musical performances and stuff. But other than that I really don’t watch award shows because, yeah, I get it through the group chat and Tumblr and I’m good.

Cher: Yeah.

Lauren: Were there any upsets that you saw where you wanted someone to win but they didn’t win?

Cher: Oppenheimer won a lot and it was a very ... I’ve seen it. It was a very well done movie in many senses of the word. It swept. And I had some feelings perhaps about that. Compared to some of the other films that came out this year. Yeah.

Lauren: Yeah, I think I’m with you. I haven’t seen ... this will come as no surprise to our listenership but I’m much more of a TV person than I am a movie person. But I did see a fair number of the best picture noms this year and yeah, I liked Oppenheimer. I think it’s Christopher Nolan’s best film since the Batman trilogy by leaps and bounds. But I wasn’t ... I don’t know that I would have – that that’s how I would have done my handing out of awards.

Cher: I completely agree. I do think sound design was unbelievable.

Lauren: YES.

Cher: That ... yes.

Lauren: Incredible. And can I just say? This is maybe a little bit off topic but I’ve had a bone to pick with Christopher Nolan for I don’t know the last decade because his sound mixing is always crazy. The score is so loud, the sound effects are so loud, the dialogue is so soft. And I get that it’s stylistic, but as somebody who works primarily in sound it has driven me insane for ten years. Seeing Oppenheimer in the theaters I was like, oh my god – finally! Finally, the sound mixing in a Christopher Nolan movie is like perfectly balanced and I can hear what people are saying and I can appreciate the score and the sound effects! Yeah, that’s not a slight against Christopher Nolan or his sound mixers or anything – it’s purely a taste thing. But Oppenheimer just really aligned with my taste a lot more on the sound front than his previous movies.

Cher: I could not agree more. Sound is something, yeah - it’s one of my biggest things in just TV and film where it goes from whisper quiet to the loudest thing you have ever heard in your life within a split second. And I’m just like this just got – I know this is not necessary. There’s got to be a better way. (laughs)

Lauren: It doesn’t need to be like this.

Cher: It does not! We don’t need to live like this, Lauren!

Lauren: We don’t!

Cher: So, yeah, no, I completely agree with you. Based on your kind of lens through which you view the Oscar’s, did you have any strong opinions about anything?

Lauren: I mean, I think that was the one. I also was surprised that Lily Gladstone didn’t win best actress for Killers of the Flower Moon. I thought she was really, really exceptional.

Cher: That was just, yeah.

Lauren: And yeah. I’m forgetting who did win.

Cher: Emma Stone, for Poor Things – which also I really loved Poor Things. I really enjoyed it.

Lauren: I haven’t seen it.

Cher: I actually can’t wait to watch it again.

Lauren: Oh, that’s great!

Cher: I enjoyed Killers of the Flower Moon and I think yeah, when looking at them both together – Emma Stone’s performance was exceptional and very unique, not like a performance I’ve done before. The way she moved her body. It was nothing like I’ve seen before and I think that’s what was special about it. Whereas I think Lily Gladstone’s performance was raw and visceral and just I couldn’t look away and just ... she stole every scene that she was in.

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: Killers of the Flower Moon ... Actually both Poor Things and Killers of the Flower Moon are both over three hours or around three hours. But Killers of the Flower Moon.

Lauren: Killers of the Flower Moon was at three hours.

Cher: I was transfixed.

Lauren: Yes. Totally.

Cher: I do think both incredible performances obviously all nominees incredible performances but I do think I agree with you there that her performance was something special.

Lauren: I haven’t seen Poor Things but I love Emma Stone and I think she’s an incredible actress. I have no doubt that ... I think Lily Gladstone did so much with the silences. In terms of the amount of dialogue that she had and the amount of emotion she conveyed I just through that it was incredible.

Cher: And what she had to go through. Just where she had to go to play that role.

Lauren: Go! And the physicality of it and ... oh my god.

Cher: I have chills talking about it right now.

Lauren: Just incredible. Same! Same! (laughs)

Cher: I think that answers the question.

Lauren: That says it all.

Cher: It’s rare that you actually get chills when talking about someone’s performance. I think that is-

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: The more I’m thinking about it the more I’m like I absolutely agree with you. I was excited that Emma won because I loved Poor Things. But now that I’m really thinking about it I think, yeah, that was ... Lily Gladstone’s performance really was the stand out of the year.

Lauren: Yeah. But I mean, what a wonderful world we live in to have so many stand outs, right? And so many great performances and great movies and we’re spoiled for wonderful entertainment and art. You know?

Cher: Exactly. It was such a great year for film. So many really important films. So many beautiful films. I mean, it was a really fun year to watch movies and to be just a part of ... and then obviously of course we also had the strike. So, on top of-

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: ... I just think 2023, as a year for the entertainment industry was one of the most pivotal important years in pretty much almost the entire history of this industry.

Lauren: Yeah, I totally agree. And even though I don’t normally pay a huge amount of attention to the Oscars I am so glad for them. Because I feel like I have now heard about other movies that I haven’t heard about before just because of the strike. So much of movie promotion just didn’t occur. And I still don’t know what the plot of it is but I had heard literally nothing about American Fiction. Based off of the actors in that movie and based off just of the few gif sets I’ve seen on Tumblr and stuff I’m like, “I’m going to love this movie.” I cannot wait to see it. I’ll watch anything that Sterling K. Brown does.

Cher: American Fiction was a really fun watch. I really enjoyed it. Yeah.

Lauren: I’m excited to see it. Not knowing anything about it I’m just like, oh, these actors are in it? Great! Let’s go!

Cher: With that, Lauren, now that I’ve taken up half the episode with the Oscars. How was your last month on Tumblr?

Lauren: It’s been good! It’s been, I would say, pretty par for the course in many ways. I’ve just been dipping into my various fandom’s. The Bad Batch is back, so I’ve been getting back into Star Wars fandom, all that kind of stuff. But the thing that did sort of dominate for a little bit that I want to talk about ... and that I have SO MANY opinions about – SO MANY ... is the whole walrus versus fairy thing. (laughs) So, let’s talk about it.

Cher: Which I think I have somehow missed, Lauren!?

Lauren: Wait ... really?

Cher: Yes.

Lauren: Fantastic. Based off of the face you were making I was like, “Oh good, you also want to get into this.”

Cher: No, no, the face I was making is I saw on the episode notes, “walrus versus fairy” and I have just been waiting to know what that is.

(laughter)

Lauren: Okay. Great! So, let me see if I can find the original. I think I do have the original post somewhere. Oh, no I don’t. Okay. I will find it at some point and send it to you. But basically there was this post I’m forgetting now. I’m just going to find it. Sorry. Two seconds. I thought I had it up but I have a different walrus versus fairy post up. So ... (laughs)

So, the walrus versus fairy thing. On, let’s see, February 19th at 5:23AM which is just a great little detail, although I don’t know what time zone this person is in, @BaddyWrongLegs ... great name ... posted, “I’ve asked this question before and been surprised by the results,” which already once you know what the question is, is fascinating to me, “now I have access to more weirdoes, it’s your problem.” And here’s the question: It is the middle of a Sunday afternoon. You have nothing on and aren’t expecting visitors, deliveries, or post. Unexpectedly there is a knock at the door. Which of these would surprise you more to find on the doorstep? And then there’s two poll choices. And the two choices are: fairy and walrus.

The final results is from 164,981 votes. And 81% of people said walrus. And then the post will be re-blogged and we’ll re-blog it again is a re-blog from @baddywronglegs, the original poster, saying, “Not naming options to skew votes, but I think there’s something fundamentally baffling with the way most of you think.”

(laughter)

So, this post ... I mean, 164,000 people in a poll is pretty big, I would say, right?

Cher: Yeah, definitely quite a high participation rate.

Lauren: Yeah, a high participation. And then also just like there were so many different posts discussing this, referring to it, and it was just one of those classic couple of weeks on Tumblr where if you looked into popular re-blogs or if you’re just scrolling through your dash there would be people talking about walruses and fairies and you’d be like, “What did I miss!?” What happened? (laughs)

I happened to see ... I spend a lot of time in the popular re-blogs tab of my mobile app because I do most of my dash scrolling on my desktop. So, I saw this post pretty soon after it was posted and I did vote in it. Then I just got to sort of see people be confused as more and more posts kind of obscured the origin point of the thing that people were talking about. But there have been so many different discussion posts about why people think a certain way or why one thing would be more surprising than the other thing.

But first, Cher, which of these would you be more surprised to find on a doorstep on a Saturday afternoon where you had nothing going on? A fairy or a walrus? And why?

Cher: A walrus.

Lauren: A walrus! Okay, explain yourself.

Cher: I feel the answer is obvious. (laughs) So, fairies, if they exist which I hope they do – let’s all have a little whimsy – and if they want to come and see me it would be very easy for a fairy to figure out where I live and come and ring my doorbell and be like, “Hey, what’s up?” Walruses ... when has a walrus gone around talking to people and engaging with them? I just feel like ... Alice in Wonderland aside, less likely. Just in terms of autonomous creatures. I do live on the first floor. So, I have easier walrus access than most. But yeah, no, I think walrus would definitely shock me more. What about you?

Lauren: Okay, so this is the fundamental difference I think between the 81% people who agree with you and said walrus, and the 19% of people who in my view are sane and said fairy.

(laughter)

Cher: Tinkerbell is dying right now because of you, Lauren.

(laughter)

Lauren: @BaddyWrongLegs did say, “I think there’s something fundamentally baffling with the way most of you think.” And I don’t know exactly if the poll was still ongoing, but no, they posted that February 23rd – oh no, and then the poll was February 19th. So, it could have been ... it’s hard to know exactly who they were talking about because it could have been that the results changed at a certain point. But presumably @BaddyWrongLegs does agree with me in that it’s baffling that 81% said walrus.

But the explanation that you just provided ... I’m getting so worked up about this! (laughs) The explanation that you just provided is exactly what people on Tumblr have been saying. It’s like, okay, well if we’re accepting the idea that fairies are real then a fairy would be more likely ... and to me I’m like, “Where in the question does it say that fairies are real in this hypothetical universe?”

Cher: Where in the question does it say they aren’t, Lauren?

Lauren: Okay. As far as ... here’s my thing. This is what is so fun to me about this question and the fact that it took place on Tumblr and just the debate that it inspired. It has so many ... I don’t want to get too esoteric.

Cher: No, please!

Lauren: But it has so many interesting implications in terms of the way, how people interpret questions, how people interpret the likeliness of something, how people think about sort of possibility versus impossibility thinking. So, to start with, how are people interpreting questions? The only thing that this question says is that it is the middle of the afternoon, you’re not expecting anything, there’s a knock on the door, which of these would be more surprising? So, it does NOT say that the walrus got there on its own. It does NOT say that the walrus is alone. And it doesn’t say “in a universe where fairies are real.” Right?

Cher: In a world ...

Lauren: In a world ... Now I totally understand why @BaddyWrongLegs is like, “I’ve asked this question before and gotten some interesting results.” Now I’m obsessed with this question. Because of the Rorschach test of thinking that it is with people.

Cher: I am absolutely seeing the validity of your answer here, too. Absolutely fair. Someone could have brought a walrus to my door.

Lauren: See? That was my thought. And then there was an interesting discussion around where you live totally changes the implications of this question, right? I’ve only ever really lived on the coasts, right? And I also have personally met and fed a walrus before. Because in high school one of my friends’ mom worked at the New York aquarium in Coney Island. And so we would go to the New York aquarium a lot and go and feed the animals and stuff. I met this blind walrus who was very lovely. And could she have gotten to my door on her own? Absolutely not, but people steal animals from zoos! That happens with not regularity but like we’re also not ... are we making an assumption that this is an adult walrus? Somebody could steal a baby walrus and bring it to your door. Right?

Cher: True.

Lauren: And here’s the thing. That is more likely than a fairy-

Cher: Mm hmm.

Lauren: You’re looking at me like I’m a completely insane person. And that is valid!

(laughter)

Cher: I’m having a great time.

Lauren: Somebody bringing a baby walrus to your door ... and actually, in fact, a walrus even wandering to your front door step is more likely than an impossible thing happening!

Cher: I’m only a few miles from the coast in pretty much any direction!

Lauren: Yes, exactly! And there are zoos all over the world. There are zoos with animals and aquariums and things like that. Walruses are animals that live in captivity. If we were talking about a blue whale or something that’s a different conversation. But walruses can move on land. And they are in captivity. So, it’s like there are walruses around us all the time. (laughs)

Cher: You know what, Lauren? I absolutely see what you’re saying. It’s totally valid. I’m not convinced and here’s why.

(laughter)

Growing up as a wee lass in San Francisco we used to go to Golden Gate Park and collect what we called “fairy caps” which are the tops of acorns. Why are there so many hats for fairies in the woods if they’re not wearing them, Lauren?

Second ... point number two, how many cute little fairy door things have you seen? You live in a city that has fairy doors, right? They’re about.

Lauren: Obviously, all over the place.

Cher: Fairies famously love doors.

Lauren: That is true.

Cher: Case and point!

Lauren: I will say, when I was a child my great aunt and uncle lived in Maine and me and my sister and my cousins would go around and we would build little fairy houses for the fairies and we would leave food out for them and then we would visit the next day and there would be little notes from the fairies that our older cousins or our parents were writing to us and stuff.

Cher: Allegedly.

Lauren: That’s a very fun activity. I am all about the imagination. I know I sound like such a curmudgeonly fun ruiner.

Cher: But no, Lauren, you’re saying you personally fed and interacted with a walrus. And you personally built a fairy house. So, a fairy is so likely to come to your bigger house and be like, “Hello, bigger fairy, thank you for my tiny fairy house.” You know?

Lauren: I mean, sure. Sure. I do think it’s so wonderful that we have different answers on this. Because we are the Tumblr sample size. The two of us. The thing that I thought was so interesting and I’m curious to get your take on this as a fairy person – I feel like “a fairy person” sounded like something I didn’t mean!

(laughter)

Cher: As a believer.

Lauren: As a believer, exactly. There was one post that was getting a lot of re-blogs that was sort of making the argument that you were making, right, which was there are so many things that we know need to happen for a walrus to get to our door whereas if a fairy came to our door the thing that’s the new information there, the thing is just that fairies are real, right? And this person was like, if a walrus comes to my door I have to justify all of these crazy sequences of events to take place to make this walrus have gotten to my door, right? But if a fairy comes to my door I only have to change one thing about what I know about the world.

And to me that’s a completely wild way to think!

I’m looking at that and I’m like, if I find out that fairies are real that doesn’t change one thing about my view of the world. That changes everything! That changes my understanding of physics. That changes my understanding of science and bio organisms!

So, Cher, while I calm down, please tell me ... if you found out that fairies were real, what would change, if anything, about your world view?

Cher: Part of me is right there with you on the everything aspect, like you just have to start from scratch and kind of re-evaluate everything you have believed. Or here’s the thing – you can also say perhaps that is the route that this is going to go, but for this moment all the laws of physics and everything that I know to be real are still real. There is a fairy here. They’re somehow real, too. I don’t know – is it because there are multiple dimensions and this fairy has popped in? Is it because fairies just also are real but everything else is the same? I don’t know. Could be. We’ll explore it and maybe I’ll ask the fairy. (laughs) But, I think I would ... it’s so funny because I’m saying, “Oh, I think it would just change the one thing!”

I spiral about the smallest thing. So ...

Lauren: I mean, same – clearly.

Cher: Absolutely. I’m saying this as if I would handle this in a logical normal way. I would panic and spiral immediately and be like, “Nothing is real! Who am I?”

Lauren: Yes. Okay.

Cher: Yeah. I feel like the version of myself I want to be – like, “Oh, cool! Fairies are real now! Am I on a quest?” And for some reason I sound like Reggie from Rocket Power.

(laughter)

But no, I think I do agree with you that my reaction would just be pure panic and “what is happening” kind of thing.

Lauren: Yeah. Okay. That makes me feel a little bit less insane. It’s like, to me, finding out that fairies are real is the equivalent of finding out that aliens are real.

Cher: Aren’t they, Lauren?

Lauren: I mean, yes, aliens are real but like ... you know what I mean! That aliens are here with us or something like that.

Cher: Fairies could be something where it’s like so much about aliens is unknown.

Lauren: Right.

Cher: We live in an infinite universe. So, perhaps fairies and all of these mystical creatures are mystical to us but are completely normal somewhere in this infinite universe in which we live.

Lauren: That’s very true. Yeah. Okay. Maybe we re-ask this question and it’s like, “What would surprise you more? A walrus or an alien fairy?”

(laughter)

I am now kind of obsessed with this form of question. Of like what’s more likely a walrus or [insert mythical thing]? And to see how people think about it, how people work themselves through it. So, anyway, that was my last several weeks on Tumblr because I have been thinking and just obsessing over this question since the 19th of February I guess when it was posted.

This is the thing where if I were in college still I would want to write a term paper on this!

Cher: Oh my gosh.

Lauren: To me, just the implications and the Tumblr eco system and the way that it approaches this question is a fascinating study of human psychology.

Cher: I mean, what was it ... last year we did an episode on little known Tumblr memes and we were talking about ... was it tagamemnon or the ... I talked about the Tumblr symposium.

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: ... that kind of happened.

Lauren: Yeah!

Cher: I feel like some kind of Tumblr symposium or like con but not ... I know it’s dangerous to say ... even virtual symposium or something where people present on ... come and bring their opinions on Tumblr’s most asked questions. Tumblr’s mysteries. I feel like there’s just so much in that universe.

Lauren: Yes.

Cher: I would love that. And I feel like there’s so much to discuss with it, too. You could have break out rooms and things and all of that. Yeah.

Lauren: I want to watch a lecture series about, yeah, Tumblr questions and Tumblr philosophies. I think that would be so amazing!

Speaking of the mysteries of Tumblr ...

Cher: Ah, yes.

Lauren: Let’s dive back into our own archives and find the mysteries that live there. Cher, what do you have for our Dashboard Confessionals this month?

[guitar riff]

Cher: I’m very excited about the post I have this month. It’s completely just a text post that I re-blogged in March 2019. And it’s just pure chaos. It’s from user @GayMutual. And it says, “Me waking up my children in 2035. Get woke Bae and Thot, it’s time to vore breakfast.”

Lauren: (laughs) That is so good!

Cher: What I think I love most about it is that’s not that far away.

Lauren: That’s 11 years away. That’s not that far away!

Cher: How much is going to change with our naming and everything?

Lauren: God, yeah. And there are kids out there named Khaleesi ... kids being named Bae and Thot is not so crazy!

Cher: Bae and thot ... No!

Lauren: “Time to vore breakfast” is so funny! I’m obsessed with that.

Cher: Well, with that, what do you have for us this week, Lauren?

Lauren: So, I cheated this month and I brought three! But I’ll do them quickly. Two of them are sort of related and sort of related to our main topic. So, the first one is a video that I re-blogged I believe in 2016, 2017 that is just one of those Tumblr videos that went around consistently for a couple of years that I just absolutely adore. It is of a little pigmy goat and his little life at a greenhouse and how he likes to chew on shoelaces. It’s the cutest thing you ever did see.

Cher: Genuinely one of my favorite Tumblr posts. I am so excited to have seen this again. Thank you for bringing it back.

Lauren: I had forgotten about it completely and it was such a charming discovery.

So, the other two posts that I brought are sort of, of a genre. So, one is just a gif that I re-blogged a couple of years ago that is Hugh Laurie as Birdie Wooster from the TV series Jeeves and Wooster. He’s saying essentially, “My gif isn’t loading, so I am going to paraphrase, the bali bali ness of it is just so bali bali.” And it is such a classic. I am a huge P G Wodehouse fan. I feel like I’ve probably talked about him before on here. British writer from the early part of the 20th century. Most famous for the Jeeves and Wooster series, which got turned into a BBC series with Huge Laurie and Stephen Fry in the early ‘90s.

This is just such a great example of the language that P G Wodehouse invented basically. There’s just so much fun language in Jeeves and Wooster and in all of Wodehouse’s stuff. I am bringing up this post and the one I’ll talk about in a second this week specifically because Jeeves and Wooster is a show ... it’s not the show I’m going to talk about but it’s a show that I think Tumblr is sleeping on. It has less than 2,000 followers on the Tumblr tag, but it is just truly a ridiculous silly fun British romp about just the most idiot boy in the world (laughs) and his genius butler. And not only is it just delightfully funny but yeah, there’s all this fun language that I think Tumblr the place ... let’s say the truth, the final frontier of the English language, Tumblr.com.

I think it would really enjoy and perhaps adopt some things. The bali bali ness of it is just very bali bali. That’s just ... you know what that means, right? And even though it’s nonsense. And also I do think that Jeeves and Wooster are quite a pair. They’re not necessarily a strong ship of mine, but I can and do ship them occasionally. Even if other times I’m sort of like they’re best pals. But there’s lots of shipping possibilities.

And also another thing that Tumblr loves that brings me to my third and final Dashboard Confessional is a post from A Bit of Fry and Laurie which is a sketch show from the ‘80s, ‘90s that Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry did. It is not ... it’s so funny, of all the British sketch shows it did not really stand the test of time in terms of like it being something that people knew about. Obviously Monty Python did. I think That Mitchell and Webb Look. Those shows kind of carried on a legacy, but for some reason this one did not despite the fact that Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry are two very famous actors I would say now.

This particular post is just Hugh Laurie sitting in an interview set up, doing a sketch, and it’s a series of photos and in it he’s saying, “Good evening, welcome to realizing I’ve given the wrong directions to. Tonight I shall be realizing I’ve given the wrong directions to Rabbi Leibovitz. Good evening.” And then he stops and looks at the empty chair and puts his head in his hands. (laughs) And it’s just such a funny little post/sketch. I just love it. And I think that this is another thing. Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie I feel like as a pair of celebrities are not talked about enough on Tumblr, despite the fact that I think they very much have ... [inaudible 00:29:18], Michael Sheen, Ian McLellan, Patrick Stewart thing going on.

So, this is just my pitch for people are sleeping on Jeeves and Wooster. People are sleeping on Fry and Laurie. Let’s revitalize this fandom for both this show and also this pair of best friends that made a lot of great art together and love each other dearly. Yeah, I just am a big fan.

Cher: I am so sold on everything you’ve said, Lauren.

Lauren: Amazing.

Cher: I can’t wait to watch all of this. I love a comedic duo of best friends. That’s my favorite genre or space in comedy is just people who love each other being funny.

Lauren: YES!

Cher: I just love when friends ... I like Key & Peele so much.

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: Or just all of Scrubs. I love when you can just tell that people genuinely are having a great time making this art. And they are laughing, they are making this because they think it’s so funny.

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: That’s what really shines through and just makes things ... yeah. So, couldn’t agree with you more. Can’t wait to watch all of this. I love Hugh Laurie.

Lauren: Oh, he’s so great. And yeah, he and Stephen Fry are so great together. I’m so glad that I’ve convinced you. That bodes well for what is our main segment?

[game show trill]

Cher: Yes!

Lauren: Which is bringing slept on shows that we think Tumblr will love, but for some reason has just not fully sunk its claws into. And I will say, I think for both of these shows ... as a little bit of a preface ... it’s not that these shows have no fandom on Tumblr. Right? These are shows that people on Tumblr watch and enjoy and blog about, but that we think should be in the top TV shows on Tumblr’s popular lists. So, Cher, what do you think Tumblr is sleeping on and why?

Cher: Okay. So, I think Tumblr is sleeping on Russian Doll the Netflix series starring icon Natasha Lyonne. There are two seasons so far. First season came out in 2019, second season came out in 2022, I believe. And it hasn’t been confirmed for a third season, but it also hasn’t not been confirmed for a third season.

Lauren: Hope prevails.

Cher: Essentially the plot of Russian Doll is Natasha Lyonne is experiencing a Groundhog Day situation in which she keeps dying and waking up in the same day. And she has to kind of figure out what is going on and why this is happening before it’s too late. Every time she wakes up the world has changed again in some way, though it’s the same day. So, I have bulleted out all the reasons that I think this show should hit more on Tumblr. And I will say, as you said Lauren, it does have an audience on Tumblr. There’s some beautiful fan art on Tumblr, some great funny posts. It was in fandom once in 2019. It was the 15th show of the week around the time it premiered. And then didn’t pop up again. So, it got that kind of initial kick. It has 3.3 thousand followers on the tag. So, it’s got some dedicated Russian Dolls in there but we need more. Yeah, so my bullets for why the show is great:

First and foremost, I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again, Natasha Lyonne. Legend. She’s amazing. If you like Flea Bag I feel like it’s very Flea Bag coded in a lot of ways. And I really enjoy that about it. It is a very, very funny show but it’s also something that makes you think and deals with healing generational trauma and healing your inner child. It’s also the kind of show that has so much potential for theories and re-watching because what is happening? You have no idea. There’s time travel, there’s repeating, there’s so much ... it makes you question the universe in a lot of ways, or the universe in which this show is taking place. And why these things are happening.

And also, the episodes are around 30 minutes and each season has six to eight episodes. And so it’s also the kind of show that you can watch as if you’re watching the extended edition of Lord of the Rings, which I also like in a show.

Lauren: Ooh, yeah.

Cher: In addition to that, I mean, beautiful cinematography. It’s just so nice to watch. The fashion is amazing. And there’s also lots of unlikely pairings, which I really like. People who end up having to depend on each other and figure it out and very different personalities. There’s intergenerational friendships. There are friendships with people who just have completely opposite personalities. I just think there’s a lot of fan fic potential both in the main characters and the side characters.

And yeah, it’s just one of my favorite shows. I really like it. It’s just such a beautiful show. It really does feel like a work of art, which I also kind of feel the same about Flea Bag, which is another one of my favorite shows. But I do think Flea Bag really ... it definitely has that audience. It could always have more. But anyway ...

So, those are my thoughts. And I will add as a trigger warning. This show does consistently deal with death and it also deals with self harm and suicide.

Lauren: Right. Yes. That is a very good note. Yeah, it is inherent in the time loop thing, right? That is always just a part of it. Okay. I have a question for you.

Cher: Yes.

Lauren: Three questions for you. Do you have a ship in this show? Do you have a central blorbo in this show? And do you have a poor little meow-meow in this show?

Cher: Ooh, great questions. So, my central ship in this show is actually between Natasha Lyonne and her best friend, Maxine, played by Greta Lee. I don’t know. I just really love them for each other. I think that they just have a special bond and relationship and they love each other and they should be together forever.

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: That was my central ship in the show. My blorbo is Natasha Lyonne. I think my blorbo in life is Natasha Lyonne. I just love Natasha Lyonne. And then, gosh, poor little meow-meow ... that’s a ... I guess the character of Alan is kind of like a poor little meow-meow.

Lauren: Yeah, I see that.

Cher: Played by Charlie Barnett. He’s very ... in the show, if you haven’t watched, for those listening who haven’t watched it, he ends up kind of having an unlikely ... he ends up being an unlikely pairing with Nadia, Natasha Lyonne’s character, and they kind of have to figure out what’s happening together. And he is someone who is very regimented and organized in his life. He seems to have kind of screwed up his life in some ways and is now not in a good place in life. And you can definitely see where he is flawed but also a very ... I don’t think he’s a bad person inherently and I do ... I don’t know if we feel that way about ... I don’t know where I am on the poor little meow-meow scale with him. But he is a little-

Lauren: Yeah, poor little meow-meow I guess can have a lot of different connotations as well.

Cher: He is a little pathetic. You know?

Lauren: Yeah.

Cher: But he’s also a cutie pie. (laughs) And I want to save him. I could fix him. You know what I mean? He definitely has “I could fix him” vibes. So, now I do think, yeah, that is inherent in poor little meow-meow.

Lauren: Absolutely.

Cher: So, I think yes, Alan is the poor little meow-meow. We got there. (laughs) Three questions. Thank you very much. I feel like I’m looking at the show in a new way based on your questions.

Lauren: I’m so glad.

Cher: So, what slept on show do you have for us, Lauren?

Lauren: So, this will not come as a surprise to anybody who follows me or anybody who listens to this show. But I am constantly getting up on the mountain and singing the good gospel of The Expanse, which is an Amazon Prime show that ran for six seasons. It ended in 2021 or 2022, I can’t quite remember because I think things got a little delayed because of the pandemic. So, I’m forgetting exactly what year it ended.

But it is based off of a book series. So, that’s sort of my first pitch to Tumblr as to why people will like this show. Tumblr loves an intricate world. It’s like Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, if you can just go ham on world building and lore, Tumblr is going to be there. And so not only does the show itself have a very intricate world and lore and political factions and all of this conflict, but then if that’s not enough for you, you can read these books which are even more detailed, even more extensive. I have not actually read them but I have read about them. And talked to people about them. And yeah, it expands on the world even more.

So, The Expanse is essentially a futuristic sci fi show about humanity having essentially colonized space and a bunch of people now live in space. So, the moon is basically like a city/space port for the rest of the galaxy. Mars is its own country basically now. It’s like its own nation state. And then there’s the Belt which is the asteroid belt that people are mining and that people are basically living on space stations. And then of course there’s still people on earth.

And it’s not like one of those things where it’s like, “We destroyed earth and so we had to colonize space,” it’s like we’ve just like gone out to space because we’ve expanded. Right? And so there’s sort of three central groups – the Earthers, the Martians, and the Belters. And they all have very different political ideals. They all have very different upbringings. One of my favorite things that is a little bit in the show, but I think is just harder to do in the show inherently because you’re casting real life humans and you’re just casting them because they’re good for the role and not necessarily based on their appearance. But canonically in the books Earthers are like quite tall and big because they have oxygen and gravity and the Belt has a lot lower gravity, so Belters tend to be like much more slight and small. Which is also really interesting because they’re essentially the blue collar workers of the galaxy.

I realize its sounding like I’m giving a sci fi lecture now about politics in space.

Cher: No, I am loving this and my first question for you is based on the conversations that you’ve had with people who have read the book, do people recommend that you read the books first or watch the series first? And how do you feel having not read the books and having watched the series?

Lauren: As far as I can tell ... So, J S Corrie, I can’t remember exactly what the author’s name is but it’s actually two different guys who write together under one name. They were pretty involved with the TV show so there is an inherent sort of endorsement and also kind of like Game of Thrones they were writing some of the books as the show was going on. And so there is a difference between them in a way where you don’t need to read the books first I don’t think as far as I know. And also even if you’ve watched all the show you are going to have a different experience reading the books. And that’s in part because the books are much more detailed. They sort of go on slightly different plot lines and things like that. But also, the characters in the show are not necessarily the characters in the book.

There’s a bunch of the same characters. James Holden, Amos Burton, and Naomi Nagata are all ... and Alex Kamal are all the same characters I believe. They’re sort of the central four people in the show as the book. But then a bunch of the side characters like Chrisjen Avasarala or Bobby Draper or Camina Drummer are also sort of amalgamations or like different combinations of characters. Or crucially, male characters that they then cast women in.

So, yeah, we’re dealing with the politics and economics and eventually aliens of space but the basic first sort of premise is these four people who end up becoming the crew of the Rocinante (Jim, Naomi, Amos, and Alex) sort of accidentally become the most important people in the universe. This thing happens in the first episode. They end up as fugitives. They end up stealing this Martian ship and they rename it the Rocinante and that is their home for the series.

Now that you have the premise and the basic world now I’m going to pitch on what Tumblr will love about it and that the crew of the Rocinante is like Thing 1 because it’s the most found family feels ever. You have these four people who are thrust into a situation, they do not like or trust each other, and they have to now help each other survive.

Cher: Unlikely, unwilling heroes?

Lauren: Yes. Unlikely, unwilling heroes. I wrote this whole post that I will re-blog about why people should love The Expanse on my personal Tumblr. And Jim is ostensibly the protagonist. He’s sort of like our POV character in the first few episodes / first few seasons, or one of our POV characters. But he is truly an unlikely, unwilling hero who then just becomes the staunch Steve Rogers, Captain America – “I know what’s right” guy. In my post I call him the nosiest bitch in the universe – because HE IS.

He cannot stay out of people’s business. So often his crew is like, “Let’s not stick our nose in that particular galactic conflict please?” And he’s like, “But what if we did!? What if actually we made it our problem? And we made US everybody else’s problem?” (laughs)

And I love him for that.

Cher: Everyone is like, “Jim, no!” And he’s like “Jim, yes.”

Lauren: Yes, exactly. Exactly! And so you have this amazing found family and then within the found family and actually outside of it, too, you also have just some of the best complicated characters, some of the best female characters, not only in modern sci fi but on TV. Despite how many amazing female characters we’ve seen over the last couple of decades, there still is a disparity between complex male characters and complex female characters ... let alone obviously non binary, trans folks, right?

But The Expanse just has them in spades and they are all kinds... not just the strong female character, right? They’re not all just fighters, although a bunch of them are. Naomi is a female character who is tough and is outspoken but also like a huge part of her plot line is motherhood and is this sort of more nurturing part of her life. If there’s a dynamic that Tumblr is into, The Expanse has it. There is everything in this. There’s found family, sort of like brother/sister dynamic, brother/brother, sister/sister, there’s gay pining, there’s just a bunch of different ships. There’s a great sort of knight and princess vibe between Chrisjen Avasarala who is the head of the UN basically, who is this older woman. And then Bobby who is this young Martian marine and their dynamic is crazy! (laughs) They’ve got an age difference of like 30 years and it is such a guard dog loyalty. Bobby is her knight type of situation. They are so ... they make me insane.

One of the things that I said in my post that I think is one of my biggest pitches for ... there’s sort of two big pitches for Tumblr and why Tumblr will love The Expanse beyond all the things I’ve already said.

The first is I’ve seen this talked a lot about on Tumblr over the last couple of years how the early 2000s and really into the 2010s queer baiting that Tumblr went so feral over is basically gone now, right? Because we just have canonical queer ships and that’s amazing. But that some of us sort of miss that angst, right? And miss that opportunity for fan fic. Let me tell you, there is all of that emotion but it’s not actually queer baiting because it is just textually queer.

Cher: So, it’s infinite yearning.

Lauren: Infinite yearning. And it’s so painful. And wonderful. But it’s not bury your gays, nobody dies, and both people end up happy but Kamina Drummer is everything to me. She is my space pirate queen wife. And she is just one of the greatest characters in sci fi today. And her relationship with Naomi gives me brain rot. It makes me crazy. The way that they sort of ... the way that their relationship culminates is like a knife in the heart in the best way!

And then my other pitch for why people ... Oh! Also, Kamina has a polyamorous relationship. I’m telling you, there’s every possible amalgamation of relationship that Tumblr wants is in this show.

The other thing is Amos Burton who I’ve talked before on this show about who just like is your typical tough guy. Like, “Sorry, my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill” kind of character.

(laughter)

But so much more complicated than that. He was orphaned and then basically was in forced sex work as a teen. And then became a mechanic. But he still will go ... because brothels are illegal in space so he’ll go into brothels and basically give off the vibe of, “Are you guys unionized?” He’ll talk to the sex workers and be like, “Are you okay? Is everything good here?”

And he hates everybody except for ... at the beginning at least ... Naomi and all children in the universe. And he is so much. He’s so weird. Even if you haven’t watched True Detective I feel like if you are on Tumblr you’ve seen the way that Russ Cole, Matthew McConaughey ‘s character talks in True Detective where he’s like, “I don’t sleep, I just dream.” That kind of bullshit. And then Woody Harrelson looking at him and being like, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Amos is that. (laughs) There’s so much he says where everybody around him is just like, “What are you talking about!?” Because he is like ... his whole plot line is basically ... and this is where I’m like Tumblr – how Tumblr has not gone feral over this man eludes me! Because his whole story line is that he is a sociopath essentially who does not feel fear and has a very hard time feeling empathy. Growing into somebody who is actively pursuing his own humanity. And that is something that I have seen so often in fic, right? With the bad boy characters, or the villain characters, where it’s like we are now going to take you [interesting complex villain character] and reform you in fan fic. What I love about the show and Amos is that the show is like, “This guy isn’t the villain, he’s just messed up and he’s complicated but also we are going to actively do that.”

There is a whole thing in the second or third season where he meets a guy who has had his empathy basically removed. And he basically gets curious, “Can you reverse this? Can somebody fix me?” He’s aware of his lack of humanity and is then working on, with his found family and through the people that he loves, finding it again. And that just makes me want to rattle the bars of my cage! (laughs) I just love him so much!

Cher: I mean, based on your description, Lauren, I am similarly shocked that The Expanse has not taken over Tumblr. I mean, the fact that there is so much source material, so many seasons, as you said, just an ensemble cast of so many potential and actual pairings. I mean, yeah ... yet again, you’ve sold me multiple times on The Expanse. I really need to set the time aside to watch the show. Because it literally has it all. It’s a “but wait, there’s more” kind of ...

Lauren: Exactly. Yeah.

Cher: It seems like the kind of thing that people are looking for right now because there’s not a lot of shows coming out at the moment because everyone is now just starting to shoot new seasons of shows due to the strike. And so I’m definitely feeling, “What do I watch!?” I want to dig into something because there’s not a lot of new episodes coming out right now. So, all right! Let’s all get into The Expanse, listeners! Please, watch The Expanse and write fic about The Expanse so that Lauren has Expanse fic to read.

Lauren: Please watch The Expanse.

Cher: Thank you.

Lauren: Please. Please, for the love of god, somebody write more Prax/Amos fic because I have read through all of it. Literally. I have read through all of it. It’s all great. All the stuff that is out there is great but I need more. (laughs)

Anyway, I’m clearly very deep in my feels on The Expanse that I talked at you for 20 minutes about it. Cher, what has you in your feels this month?

[gentle music]

Cher: Honestly, Lauren, I’m in my feels about everything we’ve been talking about. I’m super excited about , first off, so many new shows that you just introduced me to. Both comedy and sci fi, my two favorite genres. And also I am in my feels about something that actually aligns really well with The Expanse and your opening statement about being an astronaut because last week was astronaut graduation. And NASA posted NASA yearbook photos for each astronaut graduate with a fact about them. And I just think that really had me in my feels. It was really sweet. I will re-blog one or two of the new astronaut class photos to the DashboardDiaries.Tumblr.com.

Also, anyone who is listening who actually would like to become an astronaut and would not be terrified of going to space given the opportunity, they are accepting applications through the rest of March – for astronaut applications for the rest of the month! So, apply to be an astronaut, folks. And you can be a real life Amos.

Lauren: Exactly.

Cher: Or, any Expanse character that you most align with.

Lauren: Oh, that’s very cool. I love that. Right now I’m in my feels about something incredible Tumblr specific and something that’s been a sort of Tumblr to IRL progression which is that through one of the fandom’s that I was deep in a couple of years ago that I wrote a lot of fic in, I met a friend through Tumblr and she came to visit me in Seattle this weekend. And stayed the weekend and we hung out and talked about fandom and it was just so nice that here I am, 15 years into being on Tumblr and Tumblr is still giving me the gift of real life friends. And that just never gets old. So, that’s what has me in my feels.

Cher: I love that so much, Lauren. I always say the best thing that Tumblr has ever given me is the friendships that I have gotten from working here, from being on the platform. It is just such a lovely community of passion and creativity. Yeah, that’s fantastic. I’m so glad that you had such a great weekend. And actually got to have an internet to IRL meeting. We love to see it.

Lauren: Yeah. It was really, really fun.

So, with that, I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at theLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: And I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com.

This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ...

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cher: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cher: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.

Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us!

This month, Cher and Lauren pitch each other on shows Tumblr should be obsessed with but isn't (yet). But first, we have to have *the* debate: fairy or walrus?

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

#transcript #DD 36

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