#saving money i guess
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I’m still so sad they’re not touring here yet again 😢
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You know... I had an experience about two months ago that I didn't talk about publicly, but I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately and I guess I'm finally able to put my unease into words.
So there's a podcast I'd been enjoying and right after I got caught up, they announced that they were planning on doing a live show. It's gonna be near me and on the day before my birthday and I thought -- hey, it's fate.
But... as many of you know, I'm disabled. For me, getting to a show like that has a lot of steps. One of those steps involved emailing the podcasters to ask about accessibility for the venue.
The response I got back was very quick and very brief. Essentially, it told me to contact the venue because they had no idea if it was accessible or not.
It was a bucket of cold water, and I had a hard time articulating at the time quite why it was so disheartening, but... I think I get it a little more now.
This is a podcast that has loudly spoken about inclusivity and diversity and all that jazz, but... I mean, it's easy to say that, isn't it? But just talking the talk without walking the walk isn't enough. That's like saying "sure, we will happily welcome you in our house -- if you can figure out how to unlock the door."
And friends, my lock-picking set is pretty good by this point. I've been scouting out locations for decades. I've had to research every goddamn classroom, field trip, and assigned bookstore that I've ever had in an academic setting. I've had to research every movie theater, theme park, and menu for every outing with friends or dates. I spend a long time painstakingly charting out accessible public transportation and potential places to sit down every time I leave the house.
Because when I was in college, my professors never made sure their lesson plans were accessible. (And I often had to argue with them to get the subpar accommodations I got.) Because my friends don't always know to get movie tickets for the accessible rows. Because my dates sometimes leave me on fucking read when I ask if we can go to a restaurant that doesn't keep its restrooms down a flight of stairs.
I had one professor who ever did research to see if I could do all the coursework she had planned, and who came up with alternate plans when she realized that I could not. Only one. It was a medical history and ethics class, and my professor sounded bewildered as she realized how difficult it is to plan your life when you're disabled.
This woman was straight-up one of the most thoughtful, philosophical, and ethical professors I've ever had, one who was incredibly devoted to diversity and inclusion -- and she'd never thought about it before, that the hospital archives she wanted us to visit were up a flight of stairs. That the medical museum full of disabled bodies she wanted us to visit only had a code-locked back entrance and an old freight elevator for their disabled guests who were still breathing.
And that's the crux of it, isn't it? It's easy to theoretically accept the existence of people who aren't like you. It's a lot harder to actively create a space in which they can exist by your side.
Because here's what I did before I contacted the podcasters. I googled the venue. I researched the neighborhood and contacted a friend who lives in the area to help me figure out if there were any accessible public transportation routes near there. (There aren't.) I planned for over an hour to figure out how close I could get before I had to shell out for an uber for the last leg of the trip.
Then I read through the venue's website. I looked through their main pages, through their FAQs to see if there was any mention of accessibility. No dice. I download their packet for clients and find out that, while the base building is accessible, the way that chairs/tables are set up for individual functions can make it inaccessible. So it's really up to who's hosting the show there.
So then and only then I contacted the podcasters. I asked if the floor plan was accessible. I asked if all the seats were accessible, or only some, and whether it was open seating or not. Would I need to show up early to get an accessible seat, or maybe make a reservation?
And... well, I got the one-sentence reply back that I described above. And that... god, it was really disheartening. I realized that they never even asked if their venues were accessible when they were booking the shows. I realized that they were unwilling to put in the work to learn the answers to questions that disabled attendees might have. I realized that they didn't care to find out if the building was accessible.
They didn't know and they didn't care. That, I think, is what took the wind out of my sails when they emailed me back. It's what made me decide that... yeah, I didn't really want to go through the trouble of finding an accessible route to the venue. I didn't want to have to pay an arm and a leg to hire a car to take me the last part of the journey. I didn't want to make myself frantic trying to figure out if I could do all that and still make the last train home.
If they didn't care, I guess I didn't either.
If they'd apologized and said that the only venue they could get was inaccessible, I actually would have understood. I know that small shows don't always get their pick of venues. I get it. I even would have understood if they'd been like "oh dang, I actually don't know -- but I'll find out."
But to be told that they didn't know and didn't intend to find out... oof. That one stung.
Because.... this is the thing. This is the thing. I may be good at it by now, but I'm so tired of picking locks. I'm tired of doing all the legwork because no one ever thinks to help me. I'm tired of feeling like an afterthought at best, or at worst utterly unwelcome.
If you truly want to be inclusive, you need to stop telling people that you're happy to have them -- if they can manage to unlock the door. You need to fucking open it yourself and welcome them in.
What brought all this back to me now, you may be asking? Well... I guess it's just what I was thinking to myself as I was tidying up my phone.
Today I'm deleting podcasts.
#I guess it did save me a lot of money#I'll still probably go up to nyc to visit with friends for my bday but I won't go all the way out to brooklyn for the show#and I probably won't need to get the hotel room#and I DEFINITELY won't be supporting their patreon like I was planning lmao#I'll buy myself a new tarot deck for my birthday instead#cw:#disability#ableism
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This is the devil’s hole pupfish! A tiny species that lives only in One water-filled limestone cavern in Nevada. It was one of the first animals on the endangered species list. At the last count in 2022 there were 263 pupfish observed - the most in 19 years! They’re tracked pretty carefully, as their 215 square foot habitat (the smallest of any know vertebrate) is fragile and has been disturbed in the past by groundwater extraction and other human interference.
[ID: an illustration of a shiny metallic blue fish, the male devil’s hole pupfish, facing to the right. It is on a lighter blue background with a ripple pattern. End.] l
#fish#fishes#fishblr#devils hole pupfish#icthyology#they were apparently controversial little guys in the 70s bc a family bought the land they’re on and tried to build a bunch of wells#and some agencies were like hey don’t build those here there are these pupfish#and I guess they went to court and it was a whole publicized thing and folks were getting bumper stickers that said either#save the pupfish or kill the pupfish#and the concept of being so self absorbed that you’re like I would rather a species go extinct forever than for one human family to have#wasted some money#and I’m gonna get a bumper sticker that informs you of this#is so fucking funny to me
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banks will send you a text at 4:23am like oh my god not to freak you out but did you. Make a purchase. With your card? Yes or no. Call me right now.
#the hotel that WASN'T SUPPOSED TO CHARGE ME UNTIL I GOT THERE charged me and it bounced because I don't have that money in my account!#so like yes I made the purchase but also no because it wasn't supposed to?#I need to make hotel reservations to get the grant money but in order to make the reservations I guess I need the money 😭#tbey won't just give me a set amount I have to go through the school for flights and I have to spend money I don't have on hotel and food#so they'll reimburse me#which is why I chose PAY AT CHECK IN NOT PAY NEARLY 18 HOURS AFTER I MADE THE RESERVATION#so I can show the school exactly how much it will cost#anyway that was great to wake up to. now I have to transfer from my savings and just hope the school holds up their end of the deal and#pays me back!#AND MY RESERVATION WAS CANCELLED. SO IT MIGHT COST MORE NOW
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well after seeing this reddit post about infinity nikki on PC vs iPad, i know i'm for sure going to have to fork out $1000 somehow for a new PC. what the hell.
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#infinity nikki#like i dunno whats the point of spending time on a dress up and photography game if your photos dont look good#anw ig im j gg to do my dailies everyday but not even touch the main story until i save up enough money i guess
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good night, good night little flower.
#the sims 4#ts4#violet#alwl save#i guess i was going for storybook again with the legacy kids rooms#actually i think i blew the most money on her room#can't say i regret it :O:
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HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE GETTING RERUNS SOON?!?!?
#AAAADGSZZGCHFDHHH???#WHAT#OH PLEASE GOD LET IT BE SO#time to go grind some more dias i guess omgg#it'd be evil of them to run it alongside the valentines banner though especially during a boycott#which means they probably will do exactly that 🙃 well screw you Paperfold I have enough dias saved and will accumulate even more#just watch#or just... y'know. give us a roadmap for sylus & caleb content and i'll gladly give you my money again#lads#love and deepspace#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads rafayel#lads caleb#lads xavier
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What's stopping the possibility of a ceasefire is pretty simple. Hamas is holding 239 Israeli civilians hostage including children and the elderly. What's happening in Palestine is a travesty and horrendous. But Israel can't initiate a ceasefire from the position they're in, so we need to be agitating for Hamas to release the hostages and call for a ceasefire instead.
NO GENOCIDE IS JUSTIFIABLE
HOW DOES THE KILLING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE ON THIS EXTREME LEVEL FORCE HAMAS TO RETURN HOSTAGES??
ISRAEL'S BOMBARDMENT AND INDISCRIMINATE SHOOTING IN GAZA THREATEN EVERYONE THERE INCLUDING DOCTORS JOURNALISTS CHILDREN ENTIRE FAMILIES AND THE HOSTAGES
EVERYONE IS TARGETED
YOU HAVE HOSPITALS BOMBED HOW ANY OF THIS IS JUSTIFIED
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@sarroora @fairuzfan @palipunk @wearenotjustnumbers2
You know more about this than I do.
#do you really think this will work on me; like hell I'm gonna stay silent for you#I hoard bookmarks like a dragon so guess what I have been saving from the posts I had reblogged to this blog and my sideblog#firefox bookmarks manager are a blessing oh my gods#how does one block anons#sorry for going full Black here on this post but yeah I'm a little livid#the entirety of Western media heavily propagandized for Israel and the US#how the US media covered this look at how our politicians keep funding Israel with money that could have gone to#our schools healthcare housing etc; my tax payer money is being used to kill innocent people and silence protesters#tw death#tw racial profiling#palestine#update: changed a few tags because I mistakenly compared Al Jazeera's coverage to Western Coverage#Al Jazeera has the best coverage of what is happening in Gaza and unfortunately also lost journalists#They deserve respect for what they are doing#thank you for the corrections wearenotjustnumbers2 (see their response in the notes pls)#genocide
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DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ LIFE IS STRANGE DOUBLE EXPOSURE SPOILERS STOP READING THIS JUST SCROLL DO NOT READ THIS CMON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO PLAY THE GAME AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS ON YOUR OWN SCROLL RIGHT NOW
so um. i am NOT buying this game. from the little i saw i can already tell how much of an out-of-character cash grab it is. also, pricefield broke up. i am SO done with this shit. they really should’ve left Max and Chloe’s story (because it’s THEIR story dude this whole thing is so dumb) alone. this is not respecting both endings. r.i.p. Chloe Price you would’ve hated this
#life is strange#lis#life is strange double exposure spoilers#lis de spoilers#lis double exposure spoilers#life is strange de spoilers#double exposure spoilers#chloe price#max caulfield#pricefield#still hoping something magically happens that makes up for it all#but it is way too late for that i fear#positive side of things : I AM SAVING MY MONEY AND BUYING LOST RECORDS INSTEAD EVERYBODY SAYS HOORAY#“my powers might not last” “that’s okay we will forever”#“don’t look so sad i’m never leaving you”#OH YEAH GUESS THAT WAS CASUAL#also Max feels so un-Max#LIKE 2013 MAX CAULFIELD COME BACK THE KIDS MISS YOU#anyway gonna cry myself to sleep now that i know love isn’t real. bye.#☹️☹️☹️
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#Bank wants to give me a mortgage#they also told me that I can use the money in my down payment savings account in april which is like 3 months earlier than I thought#I still need to save up for the tax and paperwork processing but after that....#...gon be able to buy a house babie#So I guess I'm going to be house hunting starting april and if I find a nice place maybe move by my birthday#Honestly didn't think this was gonna be happening before like end of summer#but I'm not complaining if I can get a house to... idk paint the walls of? Probably thrift some furniture too#ANYWAY I am pretty chuffed about this development even if I still have to call the bank like 3 more times over the spring
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not to project like a motherfucker on natalie berzatto but ohhhh boy the impact of a narrative that says “hey, is your desire to make sure everybody around you is okay also about you? and could that perhaps be partially a maladaptive trauma response you should look into and maybe mitigate? because if it’s a genuine question that’s fine, but if the only answer you will respond well to hearing is yes that’s a You Issue Too, Babe”
#as somebody with a loud and toxic italian extended family the bear comes for my neck over and over#s3 is going even harder on that#nat’s pathology is gentler and less easy to spot than mikey’s or carmy’s or god help us all donna’s#but it is nonetheless unhealthy and bad for her#the theme of “you do not need to be Good And Pleasing to be worth love” is a lot this year#related (and this will take s4 to be sure of but i have Hope) that your ability to succeed in a garbage capitalist structure defines worth#as somebody who worked in a lot of kitchens this show just feels like home#and the thing that kept jarring me about the whole let’s upgrade to fine dining plan was …what about the people you leave behind#and after having seen napkins now it feels like the show KNOWS THAT#tina could not be hired at the bear but being hired at the beef saved her life#god i want them to bring this home#the fact that the sandwich window is the ONLY THING MAKING MONEY feels promising#like… i want the bear (the in-world restaurant) to succeed#but also no. no i do no want it to succeed as-is.#i want the bear and the beef to blend for REAL and then succeed#or i guess fail given the general themes of the season but try on terms they can be entirely proud of!!! even if they fail!!!
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Knocking them over and watching them scramble to get up with those big ass heads
#kelperambles#captainshipping#tw eyestrain#eye strain#the captainshipping brainrot is so bad right now oh my god it’s like something wormed into my brain and started destroying everything#to constantly think about them but not have enough time to draw them. torture.#Nintendo yaoi is what could save me.#the last time I tried to draw Captainshipping I drew ONE (1!!!!) line on Falcon’s chin and went ‘ok that’s pretty good. I should lay down’#AND THEN I FELL ASLEEP FOR 5 HOURS#wiping a tear from my eyes as I look at captainshipping photo album on my phone before bed#life is beautiful#I love drawing them and just looking back at my art months later and thinking ‘dude I actually killed it. this is everything I ever wanted’#because it’s true!!! It’s exactly what I want to see because it came from ME?!? CRAZY IDEA.#I imagine their dynamic as something genuinely so sweet. hopefully I can articulate it well enough here#Like from subspace emissary you can already see how Falcon (quite literally) pushes Olimar to try new things and be more adventurous#(even if Olimar doesn’t need it after his time on PNF-404 LMAOO)#and Olimar encourages Falcon to slow down and live in the moment#plus. between the two Olimar definitely talks the most about nearly anything and everything#EXCEPT for his true feelings because if there’s one thing he’s good at. it’s bottling his emotions until he explodes in the worst crash out#But falcon is observant and provides Olimar the space he needs to vent any issues#even if Olimar thinks they’re probably insignificant in the face of CAPTAIN FALCON of all people#like dude…the infamous bounty hunter and rich award winning F-Zero racer? CRAZY.#Falcon doesn’t mind though. He cares about Olimar and genuinely wants to listen.#if its about financial issues he could definitely help but olimar adamantly refuses#Olimar doesn’t want to ‘take advantage’ of his relationship with Falcon and he’s always been super self-reliant so it’s hard to adjust#and guess what. Falcon could care less. he has too much money to count and would probably spend it on another custom racetrack#istg he’s so obsessed with racing I wouldn’t be surprised if he LIVED in the blue falcon instead of getting a place to stay#Olimar and Falcon are opposites attract taken to the extreme dude I love it so much#and consider the tropes????? LIKE DUDE FALCON IS LITERALLY GETTING HUNTED DOWN BY VILLAINS IMAGINE IF THEY FOUND OUT ABT OLIMAR#AND THE HELMET. THEYLL NEVER BE ABLE TO KISS AND ITS SO GOOD I EAT IT UP!!! FOREVER YEARNING LONGING REALNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Once again frustrated by how Difficult it is to do very basic tasks
#this is not even about executive dysfunction today#today i'm annoyed my phone simply won't make calls and every pharmacy i have contacted charges $100 for the covid vaccine#they're paying these kids $13 an hour obviously they haven't heard about the cdc program#they don't like train you on that stuff i get it#it's just. i would like a vaccine to put off getting covid again thus putting off the disability i'll eventually get from it#given enough times it's bound to fuck me up for good i'm just trying to make money until then#but it's just hard. everything is hard for no reason#i could just pay the $100 i guess it's doable it's just a bummer#i'm trying to save up to get out of this state give me a break i am very tired
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#guys i think i'll start selling content for real#the witcher 3's orchestra will be doing a tour for the game's 10th anniversary#and it's been my dream FOR YEARS to witness them in concert#hell i watched an hour long video of their concert and i sobbed#i'm almost certain they won't be coming to latam#but they'll be going to the US#soOoO i guess it's time to save money#cause i WILL be seeing them in concert#i refuse to miss it. i can't. so i need the money to travel lol#anyways back to the point. selling content yes.#idk if i should post a few and then do custom requests?#i have no idea lmao#also dunno how much money to sell stuff for
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re9 is definitely here guys. leon's water broke and he puked up his clutch of freshly hatched baby parasites. emergency. that's why no announcement.
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it's okay to spend money. it's okay if you have trouble saving. it's okay to buy things that make you happy. it's okay to buy things that improve your life. it's not your fault the world we live in is so incredibly expensive and inaccessible. all you can do is your best. please don't neglect yourself.
#trying so hard to believe this#i dont have any income and i keep spending money on food and clothes and sometimes sensory aids / happy things#i dont have any savings#i just keep trying to stretch the money out as far as i can#but i feel so guilty because i know i'm going to run out#i guess once i hit $500 left i'll open a savings account#but hopefully by then i have SSI...#=/#self care#anticapitalism#anticapitalist#financial trauma#financial anxiety#softspoonie
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