#sarah x olivia

[geassgirls]

illustration by Shimamura Hidekazu

[stargirlinterludefr]

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK: rafe cameron x fem!reader

Based off of the song 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

Synopsis: It’s always 1 step forward and 3 steps back with Rafe, until you’ve finally had enough.

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional & verbal abuse, drug usage, references to sexual relations but no smut, addiction, heavy angst, small amount of fluff, guilt tripping for not having sex (I do NOT condone any of this, you should never be made to feel guilty if you don’t want to sleep with someone!), Rafe being an arsehole

Word count: around 3,500

‘Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

You’re laid down on your front, hand mindlessly plucking at your lilac coloured blanket as your other hand holds your phone close to your ear, waiting for your boyfriend to answer your call.

“Hello?” Rafe’s deep voice rings through the other end, cutting out the ringing sound that you’d been listening to whilst waiting on an answer.

You smile softly, “Hey baby, just thought I’d ring, not heard off of you in a few hours.” You say, still plucking mindlessly at your blanket as Rafe sniffles down the phone before he answering.

“Uh yeah, been busy with Barry sorry, what’ve you been up to?” He asks, and while deep down you know he’s distracted and probably doesn’t even care about what you’ve been doing as long as you’re not out flirting with other boys or…out doing anything at all.

“Barry? I didn’t realise you were hanging with him today, is he doing okay?” You ask sweetly, kind nature shining through despite how much you disliked Barry for continuing to get Rafe involved with dealings.

“Why you sound so mad about me hanging with Barry, huh?” Rafe snaps back and your heart plummets to your stomach as you pause your mindless ministrations on your blanket.

“Wha- I’m not mad, baby, I was just asking-“ You start but you don’t have the opportunity to finish as Rafe is quick to cut you off.

“Well fucking don’t! I don’t wanna deal with your bitchy attitude, it’s like you- you’re judging me or something so just cut it out a’ight? Get enough of that from my fucking dad, didn’t know my girl would be all up in my business to.” He says, voice agitated and slurred making it clear to you he’d been snorting up lines like there was no tomorrow.

You stay still in your place, eyes laced with tears that were on the verge of falling if you didn’t swallow the lump in your throat.

“What, you gone mute or something?” Rafe snaps and you jolt slightly, clearing your throat as you answer.

“M’ sorry.” You mutter, voice strained and quiet as though he’d zapped every inch of energy and happiness from you in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He scoffs, the sound of beeping ringing through your speaker signifying that he’d ended the call and as you slowly lower your phone from your ear, silent tears stream down your face and instead of picking mindlessly at your blanket you bury your face into it.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

Parties had become something you dreaded immensely.

Rafe would usually leave you as soon as you arrived, seeking out people to sell his stuff to and snorting so many lines of it that you’d be left to deal with either his raging temper or his raging boner.

Despite that fact, you made sure you looked your prettiest each time. At the start of your relationship, Rafe showered you in compliments each time you’d get all dressed up but now he’d simply complain about how long you took and then he’d go flirt with some other look or touron making you seriously question whether you were even pretty enough anymore.

And at this particular party? You felt the burning pit of insecurity like it was etched onto your skin.

You were sat beside Rafe, two other kook girls across from you who were alongside Kelce and Barry.

Rafe was pouring out some coke from a small baggie, organising it into lines as he glanced toward you briefly.

“You want some?” He asks, pupils blown as wide as spaceships.

“No, I’m okay.” You say immediately, you’d never wanted to indulge in things like cocaine as you’d drawn the line at weed and alcohol.

“Oh my god, you’re like no fun are you? Live a little, girl.” One of the kook girls hanging off Kelce’s arms says, making the surrounding people laugh in response as their eyes dart to you.

And the worst part? Rafe laughs along with them.

“Alright then.” You mutter quietly, making the same girl holler in excitement as Rafe smiles, gesturing to the lines of cocaine he’d organised.

“All yours, baby.”

And as you sniff up the line of coke, you wonder when you’d let Rafe have so much power over the way you perceived yourself.

‘Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

The next morning you woke up to a regretful Rafe, the boy showering you with a million apologies for essentially forcing you to do something you’d never been comfortable doing in the past.

You’d assured him it was okay but he still preached his guilt, continuing to spend the remainder of the day spoiling you with a shopping trip and ending it with a walk on the beach.

The day had you feeling hopeful, Rafe had promised earlier on that he’d atleast stop doing cocaine around you so you wouldn’t be forced to.

This was progress…wasn’t it?

The hope you felt quickly diminished when you caught sight of your old friends, JJ and John B.

And JJ would be damned if he didn’t say hello to you, while you never talked much to the Pogues anymore JJ’s loyalty was impossible to extinguish. If the Maybank boy cared about you, he wasn’t ever going to let those feelings diminish.

“Ain’t this a sight for sore eyes?” A voice calls from behind you, making yours and Rafe’s heads whip around as you come face to face with JJ who is lightly jogging toward you both. John B trailing slowly behind as he adjusts two surf boards under his arms.

“How you been, y/n/n?” He asks, head cocking to the side as his messy blonde hair moves softly with it.

You open your mouth to speak but Rafe quickly cuts you off, hand tightening on your own “She’s good.”

JJ’s face immediately drops as he narrows his eyes, “Don’t think I was asking you, bro.” He says dryly as Rafe clenches his jaw.

“You gonna answer then?” Rafe spits out, making you look at him with pleading eyes, knowing by the look on his face that he was going to end this in a fight with you.

He simply gives you a glare and you turn to JJ, eyes not daring to meet his.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been good, you?” At your words Rafe lets out a scoff and you bite your lip anxiously, praying to whatever god that whatever has him mad will be resolved quickly.

“You know me, I’m always a’ight, you should uh come by the Chateau soon so we can catch up with ya…we’ve missed you.” JJ says, eyes trained intently on you as he ignores Rafe’s looming presence.

“Yeah, that sounds real nice.” You say, smiling softly and before you can say anything else Rafe is tugging you away.

“Yeah, real good to see you JJ, always a fucking pleasure!” He shouts sarcastically, ignoring how the blonde boy calls out your name when John B finally makes it to his side. You send an apologetic smile over your shoulder as Rafe’s hand detaches from your own.

“That sounds real nice?” Rafe parrots your words, eyes wild with anger as he scoffs to himself continuing his rapid walk back to the truck.

“What else was I supposed to say?” You ask desperately, running slightly to keep up with Rafe’s fast paces as he refuses to slow down for you.

“Rafe!” You call out when he doesn’t respond, the two of you now all but five meters from his truck.

That’s when he spins back to face you, face scrunched in anger as he points at you.

“I’ll tell you what your fucking problem is, y-you can’t be happy with what I’m giving you so you put on the sad kicked puppy act when Maybank is around for what? Huh? You fucking him or something?” Rafe shouts in anger, now towering over you as you all but freeze in your place.

“What? No I’m not fucking Jay, Rafe. I haven’t seen him in months, ever since you told me to stop hanging round with my friends!” You say, voice trembling as you attempt to hold back tears of frustration not missing the way Rafe’s eyes flash with more anger.

“You might as well be fucking him, you got nicknames for him and shit?” He states mockingly, letting out a dry laugh when you go to correct your mistake as a force of habit from your childhood, he spins back toward his truck before you can even respond. “Go hang with Maybank for all I care, prove how much of an attention seeking whore you are.”

Your brows furrow as Rafe rounds his truck, clambering into it as you step forward.

“Rafe?” You call out, listening to him start his truck and rev the engine. You begin walking toward the truck but Rafe reverses so quickly that sand flicks up leaving you to shield your face when he spins the truck around,leaving you stood there.

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

You receive an abundant of text messages from Rafe later on in the same night as your pacing the small space of your room, nibbling anxiously on your nails.

Rafe 💜: am sory baby

Rafe 💜: Pogue get me soooooo pissed

Rafe 💜: I lobe u so moch ❤️❤️

You let out a groan of frustration at the words, your mind spinning as though you’d experienced whiplash. You didn’t know how to keep up anymore, you didn’t understand.

No, I don't understand

You: I love you too 🤍

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your sat reading on the dock at the back of your house, one foot dangling into the water when your phone buzzes.

Rafe 💜: coming over.

Your stomach churns with an excited sort of nervousness, mind reeling on how Rafe is going to be today.

His emotional imbalance had made such an impact upon your own that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, whatever you felt was never right in his eyes.

you: okay, on the dock <3

When you hear Rafe’s footsteps drawing closer you don’t dare look up, pretending to be engrossed in your book to see how he would react.

Whether he’d be his teasing normal self that you’d fallen in love with or the coked up angry Rafe that you’d grown to hate.

Rafe steps grow dangerously near and his voice comes along with them, “That book so interesting it mutes your hearing?” He asks, voice boarding on teasing as you look up at him a few meters from you.

You smile and shrug, “It’s a good book.”

Rafe cocks a brow, coming to a standstill in front of you as locks down upon you.

“That good book better than my presence?” He asks, and some part of you sighs in relief at his calm demeanour and undiluted pupils.

“Not a chance.” You say, holding your hands out for Rafe to pull you up and as he does he picks you up into a tight hug and spins the both of you around as you squeal in delight.

It's one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Come on baby, please.” Rafe pleads with you, hands tugging at the waistband of your pants in the country club bathroom as you give him a pointed look.

“Not here Rafe.” You say softly as he groans, head on your shoulder.

“We’ve done it here before.” He says in response, lips suckling on your neck as you laugh, gently prying him away from you.

“Yeah, when we weren’t at a business party with your father here.” Rafe then stands to his full height, his jaw ticking and your stomach immediately drops at the quick shift in demeanour.

“My father’s never seemed to bother you before.” He says, referring to the abundant amount of times the two of you have fucked in the house while Ward was just downstairs.

You sigh softly, “We’re at a business party, baby, I promise when we get home-“

Rafe withdraws his hands from you and runs one through his bangs, “Whatever.” He mutters, moving swiftly toward the bathroom door as you reach out for him.

“Rafe, talk to me, what’s wrong?” The boy in question turn his head and rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong is my girl is more interested in my father than me.” He says simply, shrugging as he goes “I didn’t even wanna fuck anyway, you make it to much work.”

And like a child who’d been refused his favourite toy, Rafe leaves you stood there swallowing the all too familiar lump in your throat.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Instead it's one step forward and three steps back

Rafe had been giving you the silent treatment since you’d gotten to Tanny hill, only exchanging a grunt in response to you when you placed a kiss to his head as you sat beside him.

Your mind was raking over whatever it is you’d done wrong as you sit on his bed, anxiously waiting for him to come off of the phone to see if he’d talk to you.

You’d be a fool to yourself if you said this wasn’t a regular occurrence, Rafe constantly gave you the silent treatment in response to something.

And then he’d act like you were stupid for thinking such things.

You’re mind couldn’t pin point a thing you’d done wrong nor could it pin point anything you’d said wrong.

You should know by now that this is Rafe’s way, when he’s annoyed at everyone else he takes it out on you. When he doesn’t want to face his own emotions he pushed them onto you so you can face them. Like his own personal punching bag, you should know it’s not your fault yet you feel like it is every time.

When Rafe re emerges from the balcony, he lies down on the bed beside you as you remain sat up trying to find the courage to ask him the question that often leads to him essentially biting your head off.

“Are you mad at me?” You blurt out, turning to look at Rafe who sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Not this shit again.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I- you just seem quiet today s’all.” You point out and you can predict Rafe’s response before he even says it.

“What? I can’t be quiet now? It’s all good when you wanna be quiet but when it’s me I’m suddenly mad at you?” He asks rhetorically as you shrug half heartedly, avoiding his gaze as he sighs again bringing himself to a sitting position as he places his chin on your shoulder.

“Stop asking me stupid shit, a’ight?” He says and all you can do is nod numbly.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

As youre walking out of Tanny Hill, face wet with tears due to another screaming match with Rafe, a voice calls out your name from behind you.

You’re quick to wipe your cheeks when you realise it isn’t Rafe, it’s Sarah.

You turn, forcing a smile onto your face as she approaches you, and by the look on her face you know she heard.

“Hey Sare, everything good?” You ask, voice hoarse due to the amount of shouting and crying you’d done.

“I should ask you that, are you okay?” She says softly, brown eyes so kind that your heart nearly breaks to think of how much anger her brother’s blue ones hold.

“You heard, huh?” You ask, watching as she nods, “Look, he- he’s just had a long day and-“

“Y/n, he’s always either had a long day or he’s had a fight with our dad, that doesn’t justify the way he treats you.” She states, deja vu hitting you remembering the similar conversation the two of you had but in that conversation she’d been cautious with what she’d said to you but it was obvious now that caution had gone out of the window.

You stand silently, biting your lip as you look at your former friend “But he loves me.” You whisper, as if that justifies anything.

Sarah’s face breaks out in so much empathy that you swear you can hear both of your hearts break, “Love isn’t supposed to be that hard.” She says and you suck in a harsh breath, “He does love you but…not in the way you deserve.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once more as you respond, “How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I’ve never known anyone else’s love apart from his.”

Sarah immediately brings you into her arms, hugging you so tightly that you have no choice but to let yourself fall into the embrace.

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy

I don't understand

You and Rafe sit silently together at one of Rose’s infamous parties, your eyes trained intently on both Sarah and John B as the Routledge boy spins her around whilst watching her with such a lovesick expression that it makes your stomach churn.

You don’t think Rafe has ever looked at you in such a way.

Not even Ward argued with the fact that Sarah was dating a Pogue, JB was so fiercely in love with his daughter that everyone with eyes could see it. He worshipped the ground she walked on making you come to realisation that Rafe had never been that way with you.

Your head turns to said boy as you speak up, “Do you love me?” You ask, making Rafe slowly turn his head toward you in return, the motion slow due to how high he is.

You don’t think he’s been sober properly since you got together, and you know he won’t be sober any time soon.

You’d helped him in every way you could, he threw it all back into your face.

He needed to figure his shit out for himself now.

“You really asking me stupid shit again?” He asks harshly, yet this time, you don’t waver in your response and you chose to ignore the lump in your throat.

“It’s a simple question, Rafe.” You state calmly, eyes twinkling with such a small amount of hope for whatever thread is hanging on in yours and Rafe’s relationship.

Rafe simply stares at you, as though he can’t bring himself to say the words he’s always eager to say when he wants to get you into bed.

You nod, hope dying out as the thread finally snaps and you unlatch the necklace he’d given you, signifying you breaking free of the prison he’d had you in for over a year.

“I hope you get better Rafe, but I don’t think you’re ever going to do that when you’re with me, I don’t want to be the thing that takes on all your shitty emotions…you need to face them for yourself.” You say, gently prying apart his clenched palm and placing the necklace there before you stand up.

Rafe is quick to follow, calling out for you as you walk away, ignoring the multiple gazes on you and the attention drawn toward you at Rafe’s desperate shouts.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sarah and John B watch with small smiles, happy you’d finally made the first step for yourself.

No, I don't understand

Two weeks later and you’re sat on the front porch at the Chateau, hair flowing softly in the morning breeze as you watch the sunrise.

Rafe had been non stop texting you during the duration of your split, words of love and hatred that you still couldn’t begin to understand no matter how hard you tried.

You did come to the realisation that he’d never even allowed you to understand him, despite how hard you’d tried.

He’d attempted to come to your house but you’d made the wise decision to crash at John B’s, rekindling your friendship with the Pogues as they welcomed you with open arms. Eyes filled with immense guilt for not realising how bad things had gotten with you and Rafe but also with so much love that you’d felt overwhelmed, you didn’t realise such love still existed.

You smile softly to yourself, eyes dancing over the colours coating the sky and you decided things would be okay.

You’d be okay.

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Bad Idea, Right?

An Eris x Reader drabble

(Part 2) (Part 3)

Warnings: a bit smutty, language

“Your dad’s going to kill you.”

My head was pounding. This bed was so warm.

Last night was a blur.

Nyx, how many times do I have to request that you not intrude on my thoughts before 9 am.

“It’s almost noon, cousin.”

Shit!

Shit, cover for me! Please.

“I told you this was a bad idea.”

Right. I know. Cover for me anyway?

“One hour. Be here in one hour. You owe me.”

Don’t worry, Nyxie. I’ll cover for you the next time you visit the lovely daughter of Spring.

Slamming my mental shields up, I rolled over to the fiery lover next to me with a groan, “Get me out of this autumnal wasteland.”

“Good morning to you too, little one.” the redhead pressed against my backside grumbled.

I rolled over to smack his shoulder. “Gross, Eris. I’m the same age as Aunt Nesta when you proposed to her.”

Eris smirked. “She never called me daddy like you do.”

I let out a mirthful laugh, hoisting myself on top of him, straddling just below his rippled abdomen, “I’m never fucking you again.”

“You say that every time, dear.” Gripping his hands on my hips, groggy voice a whisper, “Yet somehow you keep falling back into my bed.”

Fuck. He was so hot.

I leaned down, pressing my breasts to his bare chest, face just an inch from his. “I can’t help that my shadows love how you beg.”

A growl escaped the back of his throat as my shadows restrained his wrists above his head. My gaze turned icy as I commanded, “Eyes on me, Eris.”

His only response a shift of his hips.

“Don’t fucking move.” I purred.

Nyx could keep the family off my back for a little longer.

[bairdthereader]

The women at this dinner are SO. DONE.

Tori, who has anticipated the dynamics at this dinner all along and has pegged David immediately as the slimeball he is, is clearly wondering how she got sat between these two massive male egos. She's armed and ready for her confrontations with David (perhaps even looking forward to them just a tiny bit?) when things take a turn for the worse. Protective older sister mode activated.

I debated adding Jane here, but she's reacting to the posturing and conflict between the men just as much as Tori or Sarah, so she deserves to be included. She spends the meal deflecting, changing topics, trying to keep the conversation in safe waters. She silently but visibly disagrees when Charlie downplays his rugby abilities (thank you, someone, for acknowledging he's not actually that bad!). But when Nick finally confronts David, her face shows dread. Anyone who's read Alice's cannon knows Jane has a complicated family history riddled with conflict, and her instinctive fear shows clearly in this moment before she realizes that Nick is going to handle this problem gracefully rather than violently.

And Sarah. Having seen how lovingly she navigates life with Nick and how sensitively she helps him with his problems, we can only imagine that she has to have been pushed to the absolute edge by her time with Stephane to react the way she does here. I'm not even getting into the second half of the argument after Nick leaves the table--that's a whole other post--but Sarah is completely comfortable placing the blame squarely where it belongs, even in front of company. Sarah Nelson, putting men in their place left and right.

Leading ladies, indeed.

[binary-bfs]

trust when I say I WILL be SOBBING during this scene with Kit Connor and Olivia Colman

[beck404]

and when we get this scene then what

[loverofgingersblog]

The very first scene of the

Holy Osemanverse!

@chronicintrovert @aliceoseman

[klutzyghost13]

It's Meme Day again.

[fvnalgirlcomplex]

GUTS SERIES!

ALL-AMERICAN BITCH — hockey player!reader

summary: i don’t get angry when i’m pissed. i’m the eternal optimist.

BAD IDEA RIGHT? — trevor zegras

summary: haven’t heard from you in a couple months but i’m out right now and all f*cked up

VAMPIRE — nico hischier ( coming soon )

summary: how do you lie? how do you lie? how do you lie?

LACY — sarah cameron

summary: lacy, oh, lacy, i just loathe you lately and i despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

BALLAD OF A HOMESCHOOLED GIRL — oscar piastri

summary: i broke a glass, tripped and fell, told secrets i shouldn’t tell

MAKING THE BED — tom blyth

summary: and i tell someone i love them just as a distraction they tell me that they love me like i’m some tourist attraction

LOGICAL — charles leclerc

summary: and now you got me thinking two plus two equals five and i’m the love of your life

GET HIM BACK! — jamie drysdale

summary: he said he’s six foot two and i’m like “dude nice try” but he was so much fun and he had such weird friends

LOVE IS EMBARRASSING — lando norris

summary: i’m planning my wedding with some guy i’m never marrying

THE GRUDGE — drew starkey

summary: my undying love, now, i hold it like a grudge

PRETTY ISN’T PRETTY — jack hughes

summary: but i’d always feel the same cause pretty isn’t pretty enough anyway

TEENAGE DREAM — f1 driver!reader

summary: when am i gonna stop being great for my age and just starting being good?

OBSESSED — mat barzal

summary: i’m so obsessed with your ex. i know she’s been asleep on my side of your bed and i can feel it.

GIRL I’VE ALWAYS BEEN — jamie drysdale

summary: don’t say that i’ve been actin’ different, i’m nothing if i’m not consistent.

SCARED OF MY GUITAR — luke hughes

summary: i can’t lie to it the same way i lie to you, i’m so scared of my guitar.

STRANGER — jack hughes

summary: i cried a million rivers for you, but that’s over now. you’re just a stranger i know everything about.

SO AMERICAN — oscar piastri

summary: when he laughs at all my jokes and he says i’m so american, oh god, it’s just not fair of him to make me feel this much.

[mindibindi]

[originalwitchedits]

HANNAH MILLER X SARAH FIER (FEAR STREET: 1666)

[rosapiike]

I love a married couple looking at each other in a meaningful way while eating Chinese food.

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Bad Idea, Right? - Part 5

Eris x Reader/Azriel’s Daughter

Azriel has a heart-to-heart with Y/N. Eris gets the cold shoulder. After a night out, Y/N learns that Eris has yet another secret.

Part 3 Part 4 Part 6

Warnings: alcohol, language, sexual content

A soft rap at the door brought me to consciousness. Slowly I sat up, rubbing my palms over bleary eyes in an effort to wipe the heavy weight of sleep from them.

Azalea must have snuck out of bed at some point early in the morning. I huffed a laugh at the kid clearly valuing sleep as little as privacy.

“Come in.” My groggy voice rasped, barely more than a whisper.

A pause and then the door slowly opened. I knew this was inevitable but gods, first thing in the morning?

“Hey…” my father said, quietly padding in with a tray in his hands.

“Hey...”

With a shrug of his shoulders he gestured the tray toward me “I, um- I brought food.”

at least the awkwardness was mutual.

A half smile crossed my lips. “I see that.”

Sitting the tray down next to me, he looked down at the edge of the bed, “May I?”

Best get it over with, I suppose.

“Sure.”

He sat, situating his wings so that they wouldn’t knock over the tray. “I know chocolate croissants are your favorite. Your mom offered to make them but I know how much you love the ones from that bakery down by the Sidra so….”

“Thanks, dad.” Avoiding eye contact, I stared at the pastries before me.

We sat in silence for a moment, my eyes finally meeting his. “Want to share one with me?”

Relief crossed his features at the invitation. “That would be great. If you don’t mind.”

I rolled my eyes. “When have we not shared our croissants with eachother? Besides, I see you included two tea cups - or were you expecting me to dual-fist them? I typically reserve that for shots.”

He chuckled. “You used to have tea parties with your toy pegasus, you know. Your shadows would lift the tea cup and pastries to its mouth. That extra cup could have been for anyone.”

“Oh gods. How embarrassing.”

He stared off for a minute, a flash of longing overtaking his features before returning back to the croissants. “Not at all. Your imagination, Y/N, you’ve always known how to sprinkle joy into life. The bond you created with your shadows at such a young age is nothing to be embarrassed of. It’s so different than when I-“

His voice cut out, those damned memories too painful to verbalize.

I extended my hand, resting it atop one of his scarred hands. “I know. I hate them for what they did to you.”

“I don’t need you to hate them for me, love. I just love you and, selfishly, hope that a little bit of that joy was sparked by the environment you grew up in.”

“Are you fishing for a compliment, father?”

His lips quirked as he gestured toward himself. “Me? Never.” he mocked.

I squeezed his hand lightly. “I love you, dad.”

We ate our croissants in companionable silence. Once finished, he paused, taking a breath as if to brace himself.

Aaaand here we go

“So, you and Eris Vanserra?”

“Ugh.. do we have to do this?”

“Can’t we talk about it a little bit? I just want to know that you’re okay.”

Dramatically, I grabbed my pillow and let out an exasperated scream into it.

“I promise this is as uncomfortable for me as it is for you.”

“I really don’t want to discuss it.”

“Please, Y/N, don’t shut me out. You don’t have to give me details, I don’t think I can stomach details anyway. Just, please tell me you’re okay. That you’re safe and comfortable in his care?”

“I care for myself dad. I’m an adult female completely capable of making my own decisions. This was MY choice. He has never pressured me into anything that I am not comfortable with. Consent is very important to him.”

He sat contemplatively for a moment. He was carefully toeing a line that he didn’t wish to trip up.

Running a hand along the back of his neck with a wary expression. “As long as you are safe and happy. That’s all I can ask.”

“Happy.” I scoffed to myself.

Agitation immediately shifted my father’s expression “You’re not happy?”

“I’m fine dad. But, don’t expect him to come to family dinner anytime soon. I’m not sure that I’m going to pursue things further with him.”

“What happened?”

I looked to the side in an attempt to hide the hurt in my expression. “Nothing.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sensing the finality of my statement, he sighed. “Okay. If you change your mind, just let me know.”

He stood up, kissing my forehead as he picked up the tray, placing the remaining tea on the side table. “Please talk to your mother about her vision. She’s worried about you too but isn’t as… persistent as I can be.”

“Spymaster, indeed. Speaking of - tell the sneak she can come in.”

“Wh-“ he began, clipping the question as he opened the door to find my sister’s ear pressed up to the other side.

“Azzy, we talked about this.” he chastised.

“I was just listening to see when I could come in! You said it’s rude to interrupt conversations.”

“Touché.” he called over his shoulder as he walked down the hall.

Azalea’s little feet padded over. “Are you okay sissy?”

“Yeah, Azzy. I’ll be fine. Want to have a tea party?” Her face lit up with joy at the question, little wings twitching in excitement.

——————

That evening I was reading a particularly salacious smutty novel and - as if he had a sense for such things - as my fingers dipped below the band of my silken shorts a note appeared on my night stand.

“I’m lonely without my favorite little Shadowsinger spread out on my bed.”

“I’m sure you are.” I muttered to myself, eyes rolling impossibly far back into my head. I chucked his note into the fireplace and did not deign to respond.

Two hours later another note appeared.

“Don’t be shy - come spend the night.”

“Awww. I’m sure your hand can keep you company. Get fucked, Eris.”

“Are you offering, little one?”

Why’d he have to fuck up our perfectly suitable arrangement with his scheming? Truly there was nothing more I wanted than to go bask in the warmth of his bed while he worshipped me from head to toe but…

Ugh. Once again, another note lost to the fireplace. Let the conniving prick stew on his choices. He’d eventually get the message whether I wrote to him or not. He can keep his secrets just as I can keep my hands and mouth among other assets to myself.

——————

Two days and five flirtatious unanswered notes later, I needed to get out of the house. Considering I was pissed at my obvious choice for release, I had to seek an alternative source of entertainment.

Unfortunately, Nyx was out of town “on emissary business” aka “fucking around in the Spring Court.” but at least Adish was available for a visit to Velaris. He winnowed in from Day bringing a gorgeous female with bronzed skin, braided black hair, and golden-brown eyes. A male with dark skin and braids accompanied them, his eyes appearing even more golden than the former, and muscles that could have been handcrafted by the gods. Damn. I had heard of these two, two of Adish’s close friends in his court, but he’d certainly undersold their beauty. Rhys must have approved them for a visit to Velaris with Adish. Luckily for me - I was suddenly available to mingle.

“Y/N” Adish introduced the female first, “This is Hemera, Hem for short.” The female held her chin high before giving a warm, confident nod of greeting. Gesturing toward the equally beautiful male, Adish continued, “This is Apollo - who is rivaled only by Helion in his reputation with the ladies and males of the Day Court.” The tall, broad male only grinned - a beautiful, devious thing - in return. Oh, he was well aware of the amount of eyes lingering on him in this establishment. I couldn’t blame them. Hell, I was one of them.

The night included many shots, mostly compliments of those hoping to garner the attention of Hem and Apollo. And maybe it was the liquor talking but Apollo only seemed to have his eyes on me. After several “accidental” brushes of our hands and thighs - I garnered up the nerve to pull Apollo out onto the dance floor, with Hemera and Adish closely behind.

The dance floor was a blur of colors and bodies and music and motion. My backside pressed tightly against Apollo as his considerably large hands gripped my waist. And unless he had snuck a large dagger onto the dance floor with him, something as hard as steel was pressed against my back.

Damn, those hands correlated quite nicely if my drunken assessment was to be relied upon.

Turning to face him I was greeted by his gorgeous smile and pupils blown wide with lust. The very evident scent of arousal flooding my nostrils. He wanted me, bad. And I just so happened to feel particularly uncommitted at this point in time.

We swayed against eachother for a while longer before Apollo tilted his head in silent question toward a dimly lit corner of the bar, a corner I knew quite well from past endeavors. I only smirked in return as he took my hand and led me over.

Nobody could see us as my shadows shrouded us effectively blocking any view that the darkened corner hadn’t already obstructed. His mouth was on mine in an instant. My hands roamed his broad chest as one of his hand found the curve of my ass and another caressed my jaw. I opened my mouth, allowing access. He was so fucking attractive. My body practically screamed for more but something in my chest pulled as a pang of emptiness tore through me. Fuck it felt so-

So…

Wrong.

“Wait.” I pulled away.

Apollo instantly pulled back staring at me in question.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…”

Disappointment briefly flashed over his features before he gave me a sad, knowing look. “Adish warned me before coming here that you might be otherwise engaged - but when I saw you. Can you blame me? I’m sure you’ve seen yourself in a mirror. Please accept my apologies for taking it too far.”

Relief flooded over me. I owed this man nothing, but his understanding was reassuring. “I appreciate it and I’m sure you’ve seen yourself in the mirror as well. Can you blame me for falling into temptation? You have nothing to apologize for considering I was rather eager to sneak off with you.”

He only extended an arm, “Come on, let’s get back to our friends.”

We headed to the dance floor but that damned pang jolted through me again. Was it guilt? Fuck, I couldn’t feel guilty. Eris and I were not committed and he certainly didn’t deserve my guilt after keeping secrets from me.

The only logical solution to numbing this foreign feeling was-

“Another round of shots!” Hem called out, walking up beside me. She nudged me playfully, “You look like you could use one my friend.”

I fluttered my eyelashes toward the gorgeous female. “We’ve only known eachother a few hours and you get me! You really get me.”

The shots appeared before us and we cheers’d eachother before throwing them back. The rest of the night filled with dancing and more shots, until Adish proclaimed he was going back to the inn he was staying at.

“Why not just stay at Nyx’s place? He’s out of town.”

A gleam shone in his eyes that only meant trouble. “I don’t think Nyx would appreciate the activities that would be taking place tonight in his bed, among other surfaces.”

I looked behind him to see Hem and Apollo staring hungrily toward him.

Oh.

Oh!

“We’d offer an invitation but you seem to be missing a certain Uncle of mine too much to partake.”

“I refuse to respond to such nonsense. Regardless, you feel too much like family at this point. Which, gross, don’t read into that - but I’m going home. Thanks for coming out to cheer me up tonight.” I kissed my friend on the cheek before exclaiming loudly enough for his companions to hear. “As your High Lord himself would say: Don’t do anything Helion wouldn’t do!”

——————

Typically I would winnow home but alcohol and winnowing are not my specialty. I’ve ended up in too many wrong places over the years and had far too many shots tonight to even consider.

My body was overheated from the liquor and dancing and my heart still kept getting hit with waves of…. Ugh, feelings.

Like a raving lunatic, I strolled alongside the Sidra. Cursing Eris, bargains, feelings, great sex, and everything else that came to mind. Fortunately, Velaris has a very low crime rate and I wouldn’t have to worry about anybody with ill intentions approaching the sweaty female shrouded in manic shadows, stumbling around and talking to herself.

No matter how hard I’d try, my thoughts kept circling back to him. And I must have hit the alcohol way harder than I realized as a blur of red came into view, coming closer and closer to me.

“Adish?”

“Hello, little one.”

The unmistakable seductive voice that I knew far too well caressed my senses as a warm, muscled arm wrapped around my shoulder.

“Eris.”

“It appears you’ve had a lot to drink, darling. You’re literally stumbling in the wrong direction. Let’s get you home.”

Fuck. How much did I drink?

I opened my mouth to speak but pain tore through my stomach, nausea rolling through me. It was all I could do to turn away from Eris and puke onto the street.

“I…. I need to sit for a while. I can’t go home like this.”

“Come on Shadowsinger, we’ll go back to my place then.”

“Fuck.” I muttered. My vision spinning. “I can’t make it home! Let alone” I paused as another wave tore through me. “Back to the Autumn Court.”

Eris paused for a moment, seemingly in a moment of uncertainty before releasing a long sigh.

“I know love. We’ll go back to my apartment - it’s two blocks from here. Think you can make it?”

My only response was to turn away and throw up onto the sidewalk again before blurting out:

“What the fuck?”

———————————————

Tags: @b0xerdancer @myheartfollower @ang-taylorsversion @acotarobsessed @uniquecolorwizard @justasillylittlegoofyguy

[bairdthereader]

Let's have some tea with the Nelsons.

One of my favorite little throughlines in Heartstopper is the making of tea as a gesture of comfort, welcome, or care in the Nelson household.

---

The first time we ever see Nick in his kitchen is after Charlie leaves on their snow day. Sarah is already at her customary place at the table with a cup of tea at her elbow, and Nick is gazing contemplatively into the middle distance while waiting for the kettle to boil. You get the sense that this is a well-worn routine in the Nelson home, and that Nick and Sarah have created a deeply loving and understanding relationship over many past mugs of tea at this table. As Nick prepares his tea, Sarah begins talking about Charlie: how nice he is, how different to Nick’s other friends, how Nick seems more himself around Charlie. As Nick takes his first sip of tea, you can see his perspective on his friendship with Charlie shift just a tad, a new, lovely facet revealed. Charlie helps Nick be his true self, and that, Nick realizes, makes him content.

When Sarah comes home to a troubled Nick—notably, waiting at the table where big discussions happen—trying to work through the love triangle he's somehow found himself in, she listens and offers her usual Sarah Nelson style of lovingly straightforward advice. You can see that Nick is at least somewhat comforted by this clear-eyed approach to the problem with Imogen; it confirms what he already knows deep down. And then, unaware of Nick’s changed relationship with Charlie, she says, "The right girl will come along" . . . and Nick dies inside just a little. But, she's getting two mugs out of the cabinet, so at least there will be tea.

After Nick’s day at the seaside with Charlie, he comes home very ‘smiley,’ having settled a lot of big things with Charlie and within his own mind. In an almost mirrored setup to the snow day tea, Sarah is having a cup at the table, and Nick heads over to the kettle to start making a mug for himself. While he waits for the kettle to boil (a good time for rumination if ever there was one), he remembers his words to Charlie: he wants to start telling people. He screws up his courage and sits down with Sarah to have the bravest conversation he’s ever had to have with her. And in that place of safety and comfort, over nurturing and calming mugs of tea, Nick shares this most important part of himself with his mother, and Sarah surrounds her son with accepting love.

Of course, we have this really satisfying interesting moment when David is initially denied tea because of his rudeness. Sarah’s quietly bolstering Nick while putting David in his place just a bit. She’s saying, you can only be part of this ritual if you honor the care and safety that is the hallmark of the Nelson home. (And we all know David is incapable of that.)

When Charlie sneaks out to visit Nick after his rough day, they relax in Nick’s room; Charlie, typically, falls asleep. When he wakes up, Nick offers dinner, which Charlie declines, asking for tea instead. This one’s hard, because we know that in this moment tea is Charlie’s way of getting around food and all of its challenging implications for him. Nick doesn’t know that, though, so he responds with joking affection, “You’re such an old man.” (Giving you the side-eye here Nick, since you drink more tea than anyone else in this show.) Nonetheless, he goes to make Charlie’s tea, a small gesture of care, and of intimacy in the sense that Nick knows how Charlie takes his tea and will be sure to fix it that way. That this lovely, domestically caring moment is interrupted by David’s cruelty is crushing. Those cups of tea will go cold on Nick’s bedside table.

After what is easily one of the most stressful evenings they’ve both experienced, Nick is recovering in bed while Charlie makes tea. Nick and Charlie need some time in a safe and comforting place to recuperate; not just Nick from physical illness, but both of them from the social pressures and challenges of the party in the woods. This overhead shot of Charlie stirring the tea is one of my favorites. Those three mugs in a row symbolize how Nick, Sarah, and Charlie all care for and support each other. Charlie may be a relative newcomer, but Sarah loves him already, and she has enveloped him in the safety of both her person and her home. Charlie clearly appreciates and cares for her in return. So even though he’s making this tea for a tired and ill Nick, he’s also caring for and thanking Sarah in this small way. And she returns the gesture with one of her own: validating words. “Nick's so lucky to have you.”

Tara and Darcy have just been through hell on a night that was supposed to be very special to both of them for a lot of reasons. The Nelson house becomes a safe harbor where they have time to be alone, with supportive and dear friends nearby, to discuss at long last the problems that have been plaguing their relationship all summer. It’s an incredibly challenging, honest, raw conversation, but Tara is patient and understanding, and Darcy is vulnerable, and they land on solid ground at the end. When the Paris squad sees that they are happily dancing together, they come to offer their additional love and support. Understanding that this is a time when comfort and closeness is needed, Nick does what Nelsons do: he offers tea.

Bonus: Tea at the Nelsons respresents Nick developing wider, deeper, more authentic friendships, as teatime progresses from a family-only affair, to a family + Charlie affair, to a Paris Squad affair. 💕

Honorable mentions go to . . .

Tea at Tao's, to help with hard truths:

Hot cocoa at Charlie's, with excessive marshmallows to bribe your friends into letting your secret boyfriend come to your birthday party:

AND

Every single teacher needs tea to get through this day (maybe there's a dash of whiskey in those mugs) . . .

Except this guy, who is clearly a sociopath:

[binary-bfs]

y’all don’t understand how much this scene is going to mean to me😭

[mikesapienza]

“The Bear” is and all is right and stressful. My poster is now available in my shop:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/MikeSapienzaDesigns