#same goes for generated music and voices too that shit is disappointing

[fedoraspooky]

dusting off the ol' running Mabel meme after all these years because i am Tired

[k3lynn]

mine — katsuki bakugou

yandere! katsuki bakugou x reader

cw: yandere au, 3rd year bakugou, violence, reader got female genitalia, anger, off-“screen” murder, mention of (minor) character death, blood, lucidness, possessiveness, degradation, manipulation, stalking, threats, masturbation, implication of sex, swearing, assault, narcissism, horror, slightly delusional katsuki, panic attack, non con, mention of suicide

- I do not condone any of the behavior here, nor do I try to romanticize it. (definition: make it seem like a good thing) any future/current dark fics are purely for entertainment purposes. Also, I don’t think bakugou would EVER do this- I’m just using some dark traits he used to have and twisting them to fit this situation. Not completely proof read and edited, I am exhausted right now I’m sorry. I say some mean things about some characters but I don’t mean it 💗

words: 1.8k

𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙽𝙷𝙰 𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃 // 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙾 𝚈𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙴 𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Look at me.

WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME.

Poor little Y/N. You’ve caught the Big Bad Wolf’s attention. Ready to snatch you up and drag you into the deepest parts of the forest where no one will ever find you.

You’ll be all mine, and I’ll be the only thing you’ll ever have to see again.

You’ve been in the same class for 3 years now- and all he had to show for it is an occasional wave, and a shy little “Hi Bakugou” every morning that made his heart leap out of his chest.

Enough for most, but not for him.

In turn, he would tsk. Facing away and setting his head down on the desk- attempting to hide the roaring blush adorning his cheeks and the subtle shuffling in his pants- the way your voice alone could make his balls tighten in need.

Still- you give him merely a glance. He is always around you, but your attention is given to someone else.

Any extra would overlook his grumbling for typical-Katsuki doing his own thing. In reality, he’s holding himself back from snapping and taking you by force.

He wants you to come to him.

You have no reason not to. He’s perfect. Probably the best student to ever enter U.A. High, and on path to become the best pro hero to ever graduate from it.

Coming first in both the Entrance Exams AND the sports festival- a victory he still denies, holding some of the highest grades in class- 3rd only to some geek girl he could easily out-rank in combat and that shitty half n’ half. Even perceptiveness, intellect, and determination that can rival dumb Deku.

He even possesses great skills in cooking and music- Katsuki is a natural-born genius. Anybody who isn’t conscious towards his incredible talents might as well be living under a rock-

Unbeknownst to you, he’s giving you the generous chance to decide when you’ll be his. But his patience wears thinner every day.

It would have only taken a second to turn around in your seat and notice his piercing red eyes glaring at the back of your head.

So why don’t you notice me.

-

He doesn’t understand why it’s you he obsesses about. He can’t even remember when this whole mess started.

He tried denying his feelings. But quickly- they built up and festered inside him, begging to come out. Love, possessiveness, same thing.

Whether it be watching your twist and turn in the obstacle course- then running to the nearest bathroom to furiously grip his cock.

Snatching your chapstick when you’re not looking and rubbing it all around his own lips- imagining that’s what your lips would taste like if you just kissed him-

Restraining you during combat training by wrapping his arms around you- squeezing your breast a little more than necessary. Pinning you to the floor until you admit defeat.

Or even sneaking into your dorm while you’re in the shower to grab a new pair of panties from your dirty laundry, adding it to the stash he keeps hidden under his bed.

Stalking you. Keeping you close at all times without you even knowing it.

Indeed, he knows he’s a sick and twisted human being.

But by now he hardly cares- he’s worked too hard to ever even imagine of changing his perfect target. Nobody is more deserving of you than him.

So if he has to confront, threaten, and beat every single person in this stupid school to monopolize you for himself- he gladly will. Anyone who goes againts that is challenging him.

He scoffs anytime a boy approaches you- it’s well known around school that anyone who attempts to buddy up with you mysteriously ends up in a hospital room with no recollection of what happened. People even started seeing you as a sign of bad luck.

He’s nice enough to allow you some friends though. But only ones who will guarantee you’ll be around him as much as possible.

So you sit with him, Kirishima, racoon eyes, dunce face, and tape boy in lunch. No one else. Right in front of him.

You’re chatting away with Mina, but unusually, something special came up in conversation.

He always stays focused on his lunch- switching between listening in and day dreaming about bending you over the lunch table and grinding on your ass-

Katsuki’s stomach dropped. His eyes widened- what did Mina just say?

There’s a boy in the management department, a quirkless 2nd year nobody smart enough to somehow get into U.A.

And he asked you out on a date after school.

Shit.

No.

No no no no-

No- this isn’t how it’s supposed to-

My throat burns.

When did he- when did you-

You’re going to say no, right?

I cant breathe.

You don’t like anyone- I know this

I know everything about you- I-

My chest hurts-

You’re mine.

And if he thinks I’ll share then I’ll-

“Mina stop being so loud please...” your delicate little voice whispered.

The rest of the table already took notice of what was going on- bombarding you with questions that made you flustered.

“Woah woah- Y/n, what’s your answer?” dunce face peeps out, Bakugou swore he could smack that grin off his face right then and there.

Katsuki turns to look at you again- a chill traveling down his spine once he made eye contact, but your stare quickly fell to the floor.

“I’m not sure yet- probably not.. ha.” You shrugged- a light pink dusting over your cheeks. The others, satisfied, dismiss the topic.

Had it have been anybody else observing, they wouldn’t have thought much of it. But Katsuki knows you like the back of his hand. Successfully deceiving him would be harder than taking down All For One.

You’re lying... aren’t you? In front of him too- All because of this quirkless fucking loser-

Katsuki hates lies.

.

.

.

I’m going to kill him.

-

The walk back to your dorm was disappointing to say the least. But you can’t expect someone to be in the best of moods when they’ve been stood up.

You almost couldn’t believe it either- he had seemed so kind and genuine that you stood there for an extra 2 hours. But that’s your luck with boys-

‘I hope you got a good laugh out of it, jerk.’ You huffed before inserting the key into your rooms lock.

Turning on the lights, you allow your eyes to adjust for a moment before stepping inside and walking to your desk.

“You were waiting for that jackass for so long I almost started thinking you would never come back...”

You let out a startled cry before dropping your keys and whirling around in a flash- recognizing Katsuki’s back as he slowly closes the door.

“Bakugou? Why are you-“

“was he really that special.”

“What do you mean was....“ It’s then you noticed the blood dripping down his arms and hands- your door decorated with the same shade of crimson.

“oh my god.. Bakugou,”

That’s why the poor boy never showed up.

You knew about Katsuki’s “little” crush on you for a while now. His stares weren’t exactly the most subtle after all-

You found his uncertainty adorable, heck, a part of you was waiting for him to confess. But you would have never imagined his infatuation went this far.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. He’ll never love you as much as I do.”

He lifts his head, and your eyes meet his. Bloodshot- as if he’d been crying, but the evident smirk on his face showed nothing but pure malice.

“Not that he’ll ever get the chance to anyways”

He’s too fast, too close to the door, he has all the advantage in this situation. But you have to try. You have to leave this room at this very moment or you may never make it out alive. There’s no reasoning with him.

You clutch your heart. He steps forward, and you instinctively bolt to the door.

A few easy moves and he has you pinned by the neck on the ground, legs bent and used to hold your arms from jerking too much. His free hand is outstretched, creating small explosions that made you automatically stiffen your movement.

“Bakugou please- I won’t ever tell anyone, we can forget about this and I’ll pretend it neve-“

“I don’t need you to be quiet. I’m the boy who rejected a direct offer from the League of Villains, one of the best students in U.A. high- even if you do rat me out, they’ll never believe you...”

His grip on your neck tightened- nails cutting through skin and little droplets of blood start showing up. His hand starts heating up and a panic courses through your veins.

“I’ll kill you before they even begin to suspect me.”

Choked sobs escape your lips from the pain and fear surging through your body- “I- I thought you said you lo-loved me.”

“I do... that’s why you’ll be mine forever.”

He leaned down, low enough for you to feel his warm breath- then used his tongue to sadistically lick off the tears running down your cheek, a salty but satisfying flavor entering his mouth.

“In this life, and the next. It’s up to you when we see the later.”

You nod, hoping he relaxes the pressure on your neck. His face softens, something you swore you would never see in Bakugou. He releases his hold.

“You made me mess up your neck, next time don’t be so mean.”

He tilted your chin up, observing the scratches and bruises littered all around it. As soon as he determines there’s no serious injury, he picks you up to lay you on your bed. Climbing in next to you and wrapping an arm around your hips.

“Couples cuddle like this all the time don’t they.”

You gave him silence, although he didn’t mind. With one glare he had you shuffling to move closer to his chest.

“they also kiss.”

You know that right now, there’s no point in fighting. So you give in to what he wants in hopes that one day, you’ll break free from the hold he secretly had on you for so long. You’ll play along. You’ll survive.

You shudder as his hands reach to cradle your cheek, wiping the blood of the boy all over it. He loved it. It proved he won. He gave a light kiss to your lips before attacking your neck, set on putting a new type of bruise on you.

“You should start calling me Katsuki.”

“Ka- Katsuki.” You barely managed to whimper out.

He caresses your hair, cooing soft whispers into your ear in an attempt to calm your sniffling. An action you would have seen as sweet if it weren’t for the constant threat of death over your shoulder.

Your breath hitches in horror as you feel his warm hands trail down your body, gripping your smooth inner thigh before delicately starting to drag his fingers up.

“You know...

You silently beg for him to stop.

“There’s one more thing couples do.”

-if anyone is interested- should I make a part 2? (Future edit, I’m not satisfied with this, I might end up rewriting in the future)

© 2021 k3lynn, do not modify or repost without permission

[digital-dhampirs]

vnc episode 11 thoughts

The penultimate episode of VnC season 1 has aired and I have feelings about it! This is actually the first time I’ve done an anime episode breakdown/ review type thing, and I was considering just doing a full season review after the final episode comes out next week, but I have a lot of thoughts on episode 11 specifically. So! Let’s get started.

one quick spoiler alert— this review contains spoilers for manga events that don’t happen/ haven’t happened yet in the vnc anime; and will probably spoil parts of episode 12 of the anime. proceed with caution..!

VnC season 1 episode 11 is based on chapters 19 through 21 of the manga. We see the entirety of Vanitas and Jeanne’s date, which, while having a handful of janky animations and proportions, is a very fun time.

The voice acting is all around fantastic; Domi and Dante’s interactions are great; Jeanne is pretty. The chibi sections are adorable (especially Jeanne eating snacks). The music that plays when Dante notices the pair on their date is fantastic, and so is the music when Jeanne spills her full plan to Vanitas.

There are a lot of little details that got cut from this date scene, along with two more major things we’ll get to later, but in general you don’t miss them too much. Domi telling Jeanne about a fable her grandfather once told her, Domi saying she only has experience getting romantic attention from women, Dante sharing candy with Domi, Domi telling Dante everything that led up to the date…. a handful of these little character details (mainly revolving around Domi) got chopped, but none of them are too important. The date moves at a pretty breakneck pace for a lot of the episode (the scene where Jeanne almost gets hit by a car is especially guilty of this), and these details likely woulda made it too cluttered and fast paced.

Speaking of pacing, there’s one part of Vanitas and Jeanne’s date where things seem to slow down— the scene where everything goes to shit and Jeanne very nearly attacks a human. Jeanne drinking Vanitas’s blood is fantastically ominous and dark, and I would say it was absolutely perfect… if not for the two parts of that scene that the anime left on the cutting room floor.

Firstly, they left out Vanitas’s vision of Mikhail after promising Jeanne he’ll kill her. This scene is so short and so significant and I think it coulda easily been thrown in after Vani’s promise.

To break down why that one other thing was omitted from the date scene, we first have to go over the other half of this episode— Ruthven’s encounter with Noé. As a warning, this is the section of the review is where I go full on salty manga fan. don’t worry, I still love this anime, I’m not gonna say it’s inferior to the manga even though it is, and this is all just my opinion! here we go

In my opinion, the cafe scene was by far the weaker half of the episode. I love chapter 19 of the manga so damn much, and while the anime did at least a solid portion of it justice, it also left out a lot of fascinating exposition and made the decision to chop this scene up into little pieces to play concurrently with the date storyline, leading to (((IMO) a much weaker scene in the anime.

Firstly, and similarly to the date scene, we lose a handful of interesting little details in the anime’s version of chapter 19. We don’t get any exposition on the shapeless one’s past or standing in vampire society, and we lose the hug pillow line and Amelia’s lil crush on Noé. And most importantly, the way the anime has the date and cafe scene run concurrently means we miss out on the thrilling final few minutes of Noé’s encounter with Ruthven, which will likely occur in episode 12.

I really dislike how the anime chops up the cafe scene. It messes with the episode’s general timeline (Jeanne and Vanitas are still on their date in the afternoon and it’s night by the time they retreat to the abandoned studio, while Ruthven and Noé’s conversation takes place entirely in the morning, but the anime flips between the two like they’re happening at the same time) and makes things feel quite rushed.

Not to mention… the “swear” scene at the end of chapter 19 adds a Lot to the blood drinking after Vanitas and Jeanne’s date. The anime scene is still really well done and horrifying in a good way, but it’s missing that extra boost of “oh holy shit what’s going on what did Ruthven dO” that Ruthven’s curse brings to the table.

I really do find myself wondering why the anime chose to purposefully save the end of Ruthven and Noé’s interaction for episode 12. Did they think including the scene and then immediately going to the date would be too abrupt a shift in tone? I do think the way the general tone of the episode across its two storylines stays pretty consistent, starting out fluffy and cheerful and slowly turning more dark and creepy, is very nice. Was there just not enough time to fit all of the cafe scene in? Did the showrunners want some sort of Olivier style “things are worse than they actually are” red herring cliffhanger? Or did something else entirely happen?

Either way, I’m pretty disappointed by the pacing and two big cuts from this episode. But! Regardless! This episode was still enjoyable. The music and voice acting is consistently great and the episode’s consistent tone across both storylines was a big plus.

I beliiiieve the final episode of the show will wrap up the events of chapters 19 and 21, and will probably tackle chapter 22 as well. I’m up in the air on chapter 23, because while the ending of chapter 22 seems like a very decent ending to a season, the events of 23 directly correlate to stuff that happens in 19, 20, and 21… I guess we’ll find out next Friday! Either way I can’t wait to see more of Roland and Olivier, Mikhail’s introduction, and the conclusion of Noé and Ruthven’s confrontation!

fun fact

Jeanne pretty

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Prove Me Wrong

Summary: She can trust you, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

Warning: 18+ Mental Health, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Smut

Chapter 6

******

Laughter sounds in the kitchen, the mix of yours and Carol’s filling the kitchen.

She leans against the counter across from you, sipping from a cup of coffee you’d made for her. And you sit on one of the few stools drinking tea with a new friend, Goose the cat, in your lap.

This morning you’d planned to just get a cup of tea and return to your room to read.

Finding Carol in the kitchen already changed that plan. The two of you started talking and she drew you in with even more exciting tales of space and the Air Force.

Much like the past few days you get wrapped up in how nice Carol is. Sure she’s a little sarcastic, and not so secretly cocky. But that’s definitely swept away by the fact that she’s very funny and friendly.

Goose purrs rhythmically as you pet him and listen to Carol talk about restoring a planet named Easik.

“Not to be nosey or anything but, how does your girlfriend feel about your space travels?” You maintain eye contact as you sip your tea.

Carol chuckles a little,“ she’s not really fond of all the time I spend away and she worries about the dangers out there. But she and her daughter always trust that I’ll get home safely. Plus I make up for it with cool stories and space gifts.”

“Ever the charmer Danvers.” You shake your head.

“Why thank you, I try.” The woman does an exaggerated bow.

Mid laugh, Goose stands up in your lap causing your hand to slide down his soft fur as he looks at the door.

Natasha steps through, clad in athletic wear and sporting a messy ponytail.

Subconsciously you find your gaze passing over the material of her pants that shape her legs and the tank top that shows off her toned arms.

Has she always been this hot or are you only just now noticing?

Thankfully the woman’s words pull you from your thoughts.

“Am I interrupting something?” She asks, walking behind Carol to the coffee pot.

Carol shakes her head,“ just Y/N telling me about her time at NYU.”

You’re quick to tell them,“ which was really just a lot of studying and sleep deprivation.”

“And crazy parties! You saw a guy jump from a roof into a pool of Jell-O. Which makes me wonder if you did too?” She tilts her head inquisitively.

“Of course not,” you finish off tour tea,“ but not because of the jump. I literally cringed at the idea of having Jell-O in places it shouldn’t be.”

The blonde is laughing again and you smile, almost proudly, at having gotten her to.

Natasha looks away so no one can see her roll her eyes.

“Ladies!”

The familiar voice of the one Mister Tony Stark hits your ears before he steps into view. He’s smiling at each of you in greeting and pointing at the cat that definitely wasn’t here the last time he was.

“T! What brings you by, again?” You return his smile sweetly.

“Oh I’m just here to cordially invite you all to mine and Pepper’s anniversary dinner Friday night. Figured getting out would do you some good since your social life is like watching paint dry.” He teases with a fake pout.

Standing from your stool, Goose leaping down from your lap at the same time, you speak to Tony,“ you know, the more time I spend with you the more I understand why Pepper needed to see me.”

Having said that, you leave out. Tony follows you and Goose pauses, looking from where you were to Carol, only to follow after you as well.

With you out of earshot, Carol turns to Natasha with a raised brow.“ I could be wrong here but, am I sensing that you’re interested in Y/N?”

“Of course not.” Natasha shoots the idea down quickly.

Too quickly.

Carol smirks,“ please. You came in here with every bit of jealousy in your tone.” She folds her arms and faces the red head fully,“ which is misplaced. I have a girlfriend.”

Natasha freezes at the information. It’s not a long pause but it’s noticeable enough, making Carol smile proudly.

She knows a crush when she sees one.

“It’s none of my concern who you or Y/N are dating.” She finally says, grip loosening on her cup as she leaves.

For the days that pass Natasha finds herself thinking more and more about what Carol said. 

One thing Natasha knows is how to identify her feelings, but she’d only really encountered these feelings once before. With Bruce.

She felt differently with him than she did with Steve and Tony. The feelings scared her and when she decided to free fall into them, he pushed her away and left for more than two years.

That experience made her familiar with, wanting someone romantically. So when she began to feel that way towards you a mere few days after your second session she fought to push it away. 

She’d be damned if she got hurt again, especially by someone claiming to want to help her. 

And despite not wanting to be hurt, a part of her still wonders about you.

A part that she tries her hardest to ignore. So much so that she doesn’t go to your session the morning of Tony and Pepper’s anniversary.

You couldn’t lie and say you aren’t disappointed to not find her in your office when you got there. And even more disappointed the more time passed without her showing.

You consider going to find her, thinking that something must really be bothering her for her to not show up after all the progress she’d made. But you also considered that she could just be busy and decided that just this once you’d back off.

So, for the time being, you go over the files of the rest of the team, working on possible ways to make breakthroughs and just coping exercises in general. 

Hours pass of this, you stopping only twice to get fresh tea and lunch. Until eventually you’re getting ready for the anniversary dinner. 

After having received directions to the venue from Tony, you get ready to leave. Steve and Bucky offering you a ride and telling you that Natasha, Wanda, and Sam left already.

Light conversation flows between the three of you until you get there. Bucky parking and Steve getting out to open your door for you. 

“Thanks.” You smile, hopping out of the SUV and walking beside them into the building. 

It’s a lot simpler than you expected it to be. As simple as crystal chandeliers and champagne fountains can be.

While looking for Tony and Pepper, your eyes catch Natasha. She’s standing beside Wanda at the bar and looking more beautiful than you’d ever seen. 

Something about the way that blue looks against her skin, the way the fabric of the dress clings to her curvy form, or perhaps the way her green eyes seem to stand out more than usual. 

Has your eyesight changed in the last week? Why are you seeing her in a different light than before? 

Whatever the case is, your watching her, has you tripping over your own feet. 

Literally.

The only reason you don’t eat shit is because Bucky holds his arm out in front of you. 

“Thanks.” You chuckle nervously hoping no one notices the flush of your cheeks, or what caused you to trip.

You gather yourself before heading over to wish the couple a happy anniversary. And of course it doesn’t take Tony long to make some sarcastic comment. In which Pepper shoos him away so the two of you can catch up. 

All the while Morgan stands closely to her mother so you make sure to address her every once and a while, complimenting her dress and asking her about school(the girl is just as smart as her dad, at some point she’ll probably be smarter). 

Soon enough dinner is served, you sitting with the team at one of the tables and listening to them talk. 

It’s not until they open the dance floor that you see Carol. She comes in, effectively grabbing everyone’s attention. 

The woman joins you, her eyes glancing back and forth from all of you to Tony and Pepper dancing. 

“Awe man, I missed the food.” She half jokes, easing into the empty chair between you and Natasha.

You chuckle, shaking your head,“ I’m sure if you ask nicely, and stroke his ego a little, Tony’ll have them bring you something out.”

“Honey we both know I’d never.” 

When you both laugh, Natasha pushes herself up and goes over to the bar, stepping around the person filled dance floor. 

Your laughter dies, smile replaced by a frown. 

Noticing this, Carol stands, offering a hand,“ dance with me?”

“Okay.” 

On the dance floor, Carol’s arm glides across your lower back with ease, her other hand holding yours just level with your chests. You place your free hand on her shoulder.

The soft music that plays tells you that Tony had nothing to do with the selection tonight. Alongside that thought you notice that Carol’s a good dancer, cause she makes your uncoordinated self move easily.

“Is Natasha watching us?” She asks after a few steps.

Frowning, you look at the blonde, who’s eyes don’t meet yours. You let your gaze fall over the room, and find that Natasha is indeed watching you two. Only to look away when she meets your gaze.

“She was. Why?”

The woman’s chest shakes with a laugh,“ I think she likes you.”

That has you looking back over at the green eyed red head. Once again taking in how beautiful she looks.

Natasha likes you?

What had you done to get her to like you? Nothing. So why would she like you?

A frown masks your brows,“ why would you tell me that? Suppose I believed you and it wasn’t true, I’d look like a complete idiot if I did something about it.”

Carol leans back a little at that,“ you like Natasha?”

You flounder, mouth opening and closing stupidly as you think of a reply,“ no. She’s my patient and she tolerates me, at best.”

And she’s notebly the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. She’s godly beautiful in a human way. She’s, demi-godly beautiful? You aren’t sure that’s the right description but it’s what you think fits.

“What makes you think that?”

Breaking from your thoughts, you recall the interactions you had with Natasha in the beginning of your stay, or the lack there of. Followed by her barely even looking at you your first session.

At this point you and Carol have danced into a second song. You sigh and drop your head on to her shoulder.

“How often do you see me and Natasha talk? Like barely. The most we communicate is in my office where I am nothing but professional because if I’m not then I’d look like some bumbling idiot and that wouldn’t be helping her.”

Carol sighs,“ it’s not my place to say but, if you do have feelings for her, I think it would benefit you to tell her.”

You look up again, brown eyes staring back,“ did you miss the barely tolerates me part?”

“I find that hard to believe. You’re a very likeable person Y/N. Maybe it’s just her thoughts that are keeping her so distant.” She suggests.

The song comes to an end and you step away from her with a shake of your head,“ not to call you delusional, but I think you’ve seen things that aren’t there. I’m simply her therapist.”

As you turn to walk away Carol struggles to find something to say but she can’t. And your crestfallen face is heartbreaking.

That expression on your face completely debunks your claims at not liking the woman and Carol knows you only said it to convince yourself.

******

taglist: @username23345 @muffliat-o  @aaron-despair @natasha-danvers​ @wildhoney32 @criminallyhamilton @fayhar @nat-km-mh

[jesstielle]

okay i have Feelings about NEO: TWEWY and nobody to shout them at because literally nobody else I know plays it which is truly a crime; the original twewy remains one of my favourite games to this day.  but anyway.  massive NEO TWEWY spoilers inbound:

First of all it truly is a miracle that this game even exists.  I never once actually believed we’d get a sequel.  Let alone one this good!! It is really, really good!!!

Things I Enjoyed:

- The gameplay.  Whoo boy.  Up to about 4 team members, anyway.  It’s fast paced, button mashing satisfaction, that manages to keep elements from the original game while still being fresh and fun, if not entirely chaotic, which is why after 4 characters, it was a bit like, ‘okay, chill, let us switch out or something’ lmao

- The new characters.  Although I feel like we leave the game not knowing as much about them as I would like, the new team are really great, and Nagi in particular really shone in terms of character grown.  Rindo.. I feel like I know as little about him now as I did at the start :|a Maybe I just missed something.

I honestly found the teams and their leaders kinda forgettable >>;; Although the heel-face turn on Motoi was pretty great.  I needed more from Kanon to feel anything when she, yknow.

The new reapers were... a mixed bunch. Shoka was fantastic, Susukichi was... a bit much in English, great in Japanese, Tsugumi was great but didn’t get enough screen time (unless she gets more post game, I dunno yet) Shiba annoyed the fuck outta me, Kaie was alright.. the others... meh.  They don’t hold up to Kariya and Uzuki. And obviously Kubo sucks ass pfft

- The reappearing characters.  of course i loved them.  i got a hit of serotonin every time one appeared on my screen. neku my son. josh  the reapers.  i was never a huge minamimoto stan lmao but he was fun. even curry don. but some were DIRELY underutilised which i WILL COME BACK TO

- THE MUSIC.  twewy cannot fail on its music, it’s amazing, it’s glorious, it’s multi faceted, it goes hard. and adding in Beat’s psyche, a rhythm mini game acting as the fast walk button???? yes. yes yes yes yes.  yessssssss. 

- The graphics.  Mostly.  Everything looked beautiful, and HD, and the character designs were great - not toooooooooo Nomura but Nomura enough, yknow? And the occasional chibi faces were great lol.  The chaotic battles sometimes caused lag which... I mean, they coulda given us the option to turn off some of the animations or damage graphics lmao but hey.  the forced perspective on shibuya was a bit off occasionally but it was how the original game did it and it’s all for the ~aesthetic~ so hey.  And it was great seeing some of the original locations looking so much more fleshed out

- The Localisation.  Personally, I think the translators struck a perfect balance that made the kids seem like they’d fit right into today’s culture.  It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t ‘look at us we are Teenagers’, it was right on the mark.  And it was really, really interesting hearing just how different the Japanese VA lines were compared to the English translations.  They really went all out and it paid off, imo.

Dislikes: (i haven’t read the secret reports yet tho)

- UNDERUTILISATION OF THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS - now, look, okay, I’m biased.  I admit it.  I’m a Josh and Neku stan lmao, so I was looking forward to seeing them the whole game.  And as it went on and on and I realised I wouldn’t be until much later, it bummed me out.  The bait n’ switch with Beat was funny at first, and I enjoyed it a lot, until I realised that yeah, that’s what they’re going with.  Beat’s probably my least favourite partner from the original (sorry) but even disregarding that, it annoys me that they gave him like 10,000x more screen time than even Neku. 

Not to mention Shiki and Joshua!  Josh in particular I could write a whole essay on how pissed I am.  The lost potential.  Nobody mentioning him, ever, once.  Until he just sorta shows up and says a few things.  It makes NO SENSE, he’s the fucking composer, Neku and Beat worked with him, why aren’t they questioning his whereabouts when Shibuya’s turning to shit??????’  I just?????? I had low hopes for Josh content tbf but I am still disappointed :( And naught but one singular Hanekoma mention, as well.  Sigh.

Shiki, it’s a shame she doesn’t appear more, she certainly could have - I can think of like 5 ways off the top of my head - having her as a partner would have also been extremely good.

Neku at least we got..... half a week with. and as a PC.  And like, I know it’s not supposed to be about them, but throw us a bit more than cheap fanservice, yknow. And Kariya and Uzuki were great too.

- why, oh why, was every single team lackey male????  they couldn’t be arsed to make female designs????? it baffled me.

- SO. MUCH. SHIBUYA. TRAVERSING.  I don’t remember if it was that bad in the original?! But oh my god lol.  I think a lot of it was padding.  Sure felt like it.  Paired with the slightly hand hold-y mission progression cutscenes, they coulda cut a bunch of those out.

Other Stuff:

- The voice acting - fantastic in Japanese, okay in English, except for the returning characters?? didn’t sound great??? in english??? I was hyped to turn English back on for Beat but.... nah. Nahhh.  Nagi’s English VA was absolutely the best imo.

- They nailed the feel of the old game without totally copying it - the food, clothes, general aesthetic, music.  That said, it still felt a little too tied to the original.  Ironic considering the rant above I know lmao but... yeah.  The player psyches were a nice touch but I feel like it needed something to set it apart a lil more from its predecessor. 

- I didn’t realise A New Day existed until literally today and I wish I had seen it before I played Neo.  Now I know who Coco is lmao.  And Shinjuku’s erasure was part of that too! arghhhh. Nomura stop burying plot points in other things.  I’m a DS OG dont do this to me

- Rindo’s time travel power was cool but jumping back to the same point like 3 or 4 times in some cases got old

- You could really feel the KH3 energy of ‘play 30 hours until something or someone pivotal finally appears’ lol.  Nomuraaaaa. 

... anyway.

TL;DR good game, needed more Josh, also needs more fans please

[tangledstarlight]

julie’s ready for a year away from home, studying and trying to refind the magic in music. luke’s about to start on a summer tour around europe opening for a band. they meet one night, sparks fly and emotions run hight. now they’ve just got to try and see if they can maintain a long distance friendship.

days go by and seasons change (lets try again next winter)

trigger warnings!!  just general swearing 

also on ao3 –– [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | extras 1 & 2 ]

winter (again)

From her seat by the front window Julie can see people walking up and down the street, clutching coats closed and shopping bags swinging in the wind that’s been steadily picking up since she’d ducked inside. The sky is grey and she knows the weather people have said it won’t rain, but if she’s learnt anything from her time in the UK it’s that people are very particular about how their tea is made, there’s an unexplainable rivalry between the north and the south of the country and that you should always be prepared for rain.

The little bell over the door dings and she watches a couple walk in laughing about something, wide smiles and raised eyebrows and all the little signs of two people who don’t always need words to talk. It makes her smile a little, tracing small patterns on the table top in split sugar as she tries not to stare at them. That’s what she wants. Someone who makes her laugh, who she can raise her eyebrows at and they’ll automatically know what she means, someone who makes life seem a little easier.

She taps the screen of her phone to check for any messages and tries not to let out a sigh when there’s still nothing new on her screen. It’s still early, there’s still time. To avoid looking at her phone she looks around the cafe, takes in the mismatched tables and the short queue and the way the register makes a little chime every time it’s closed.

Everything about the place has become familiar and comforting over the last year. And she’s really going to miss it when she leaves in a few weeks. Sure there’s cafes back home that do good coffee and a decent lemon sponge. But none of them will have witnessed her crying at 3:30 in the afternoon when she lost half her essay on the use of magic in Shakespeare. That’s just between her, the walls, and poor Sarah who was working that day.

Her phone lights up and Julie tries not to look too excited as she checks it, and then tries not to let her disappointment show when it’s just a notification for her train in forty minutes.

Blowing out a breath she leans back in her seat and lets her eyes wander back to the window. It doesn’t feel like she’s been here a year. That she’d started it a little lost, a little confused, a little broken. She frowns a slightly at that, because well, she’s still a little lost and a little confused and a little broken.

But she has a general direction, and she can write and play music again and she might always be a little broken, but the jagged edges aren’t so sharp anymore. It hurts a little less to breathe and look at the stars.

It’ll be nice when she goes home to be able to look her family in the eye and mean it when she says she’s okay. She really can’t wait to show her dad some of the things she’s been working on. Some of the things she’s finally been able to finish. With the help of Luke.

Julie really can’t wait to tell him about Luke.

Someone calls her name at the same moment that someone walks past her table and bumps into her suitcase next to her chair, and for a moment she forgets where she is as she turns her head, expecting to see floppy hair and a sleeveless shirt and a cocky grin. Instead it’s a middle aged man in a business suit who gives her a quick sorry before walking away. Someone calls her name again and she looks up to see Sarah, standing by the end of the counter with a little paper bag in one hand and a take out cup in the other.

“One vanilla latte and cinnamon swirl for the journey,” she says with a smile, the same kind smile she’d used when Julie had started crying.

“Thanks Sarah.” Julie’s quick to get over her disappointment and get up from her chair to collect her goods, shooting the other girl a grateful smile as she carefully stows the pastry away in her bag and rests her hands on the handle of her suitcase. “Guess I better get going.”

Juile doesn’t know why she’s suddenly so nervous, she’d been fine all week. Nothing but excitement and plans. But now it’s the day of and she feels like she might fall apart from nervous energy. Or throw up. One or the other.

“Hey, you’re gonna have a great weekend chick. We’ll expect you here Tuesday morning to fill us in on all the excitement,” she wriggles her brows as she says it and Julie laughs, shaking her head a little as she starts walking backwards towards the door, case in tow.

“I promise not to spare any details,” Julie grins quickly, shooting her an awkward wave with her coffee before walking out the door, grateful for the scarf wrapped around her neck as the wind blows her hair around her face and Luke’s jacket. She’s about to start walking when her phone chimes from her pocket and, keeping her case in place with one foot, she pulls it out and doesn’t even try to stop the wide smile that breaks out over her face at the text on her screen.

Feeling a little more calm and steady, she takes in a deep breath of cold air and starts walking to the train station.

//

The restaurant is a lot busier then Julie had been expecting it to be. Which, now that she thinks about it, is pretty silly. It’s the last Friday before Christmas, everywhere is obviously going to be busy with last minute shoppers and even people who aren’t organised need to stop to eat.

But it makes her anxious, eyes darting to the door every few seconds because what if it’s too busy and when Luke walks in he can’t see her, so he leaves? Or finds another table and she has to awkwardly walk over to him like she hadn’t gotten her extra early? Or even worse, what if he doesn’t show up at all?

Julie chews on her bottom lip, clasps her hands together in her lap and twists her fingers together, forces herself to stop and pick up her glass of water to try and calm her nerves. Her fingers start tapping an unfamiliar beat on the table cloth as her mind comes up with more and more disastrous scenarios that all seem to end with her having to apologise to her very sweet, but slightly judgemental and overworked waitress who has been to check on her twice already, that she’ll be eating alone and that she’s sorry for taking up her time.

She’s in the middle of trying to decide the least amount of food she could order while not seeming on the verge of tears or like she’s been stood up. Maybe the salad? Or soup. Soup was easy, right? She could eat her soup, leave a generous tip and make it back to her hotel before crying. Half an hour tops.

She only notices the door has opened when she sees it shutting again, and she strains her neck to try and see if someone has come in or left. But there’s no one by the door or the little ‘please wait here to be seated’ sign so she slumps back into her chair, draws her hands back into her lap and lets out a little sigh. She’s never been stood up before. She’s especially never been stood up by someone who had text only a few hours earlier that he was excited for their –

“Hey,” a breathy voice above her startles her out of her thoughts and Juile looks up with wide eyes to see Luke. Looking at her. Smiling at her. In front of her.

In a far away part of her mind – the part that is still functioning and cataloging important information – she notices that he’s wearing a soft looking dark blue jumper with a shirt collar peeking out of the top and he’s already draped his coat over the empty chair. It’s the first time she can remember seeing his arms fully covered. And he looks nice, his hair only a little rumpled, like it had been styled before he left but has been running his fingers through it since then and she can’t even see his silly little jean chain that normally holds his wallet. Which means he’d made an effort and she suddenly doesn’t feel so overdressed in her skater skirt and thick tights and pretty top.

His smile faults, just a little and that’s when Julie realises she hasn’t said anything. She’s just been staring at him with her mouth parted and eyes wide. She’s not even sure she’s blinked. Giving her head a small shake and wetting her lips, she smiles at him.

“Hi, I–” she doesn’t know what to say, and gestures a little awkwardly at the chair opposite her, wincing as she hits her knuckles on the underside of the table in the process, “Shit, ow.”

“Are you okay?” He asks as he slides into his chair, concerned eyes going from her face to the hand she’s rubbing and back to her face. A breath catches in her throat as she realises how close they are. There’s no screen or ocean or land mass separating them. Just a table. And god, his eyes are so much prettier than she remembers.

She clears her throat, shaking her head a little at him, “I’m fine. Just misjudged the distance.” She waves her hands in the air a little, like it will prove her point. Though Julie’s not sure what point she’s trying to prove and immediately wrinkles her nose at herself, she’s never felt this out of sorts before. What does she normally do with her hands? Does she normally look someone in the eyes this much? Fuck she’s spiraling and making everything feel awkward. If Luke notices any of it, he doesn’t comment. Or maybe he’s just being polite.

“Good. I uh–” he rubs a hand at the back of his neck and lets out a small chuckle, “I’m sorry I’m late. I uh got a little lost.” He looks around the room before leaning in closer to her, and Julie copies him on instinct, “All the streets around here look the same. And have weird names.”

A laugh bursts past her lips at the frown on his face and she leans back, shaking her head at him. But, whether he did it on purpose or not, the weird, awkward, out of sorts, feeling that she’d had is gone. Replaced with the familiar ease and joy she’s felt every other time they’ve talked in the last year.

“I think they’d call that culture,” she comments, sliding one of the menus over to him as she notices their waiter walking towards them from the corner of her eye.

“Hi! Can I get you guys something to drink?” Luke looks at her, eyebrow raised and she bites back the urge to grin at him and instead smiles at the girl.

“I’ll take a coke please.”

“I’ll have the same,” he nods once with a polite smile, eyes darting to the waitress once before back to his menu.

A silence falls between them as they look at their menus, and Julie looks up and finds Luke looking at her, a light blush spreading up his neck at being caught, but he doesn’t look away so she doesn’t either.

“You uh, you think they’ll judge me for being American if I get the cheese burger?” He asks quietly, and he’s talking about food but the way he doesn’t pop their sudden little bubble makes Julie want to lean across the table and kiss him. She blinks at that thought, files it away to deal with later.

“Probably. But aren’t you used to that by now? Alex said you and Reggie almost got thrown out of a restaurant in Italy for talking about the pizzas,” there’s a teasing smile on her lips that’s rewarded with a look of offence on Luke's face.

“You and Alex talk too much,” he mutters after a moment when he realises he can’t argue with it.

“Where else am I supposed to get these great stories about you from?” But now she’s a little worried she’s overstepped somehow. Did he not like her talking to his friends? With his eyes back on his menu Luke stops the thought from taking roots and forming a worry, probably without even realising he was doing so.

“You could just ask me for them. I’ll tell you every embarrassing story if you asked. Plus, when you talk to Alex or Reg or Bobby it means you’re not talking to me,” he frowns a little at that, eyes still down and she watches as they widen and dart up to look at her. Like he hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud. But he had. And now Juile was grinning at him, leaning her elbows on the table and letting her menu drop to the table.

“Aw Luke, do you like talking to me?” Even though it’s basically what he’s just said, she still kind of wants to hear him say it. So she bites her lip and waits, eyes not leaving his face.

He rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile on his face despite the raising blush on his cheeks. “Oh, of course I like talking to you. It’s my favourite time of day, when we’d facetime or whatever. You made even the shittiest and more exhausting days of the tour feel like the best.”

Now it’s Julie’s turn to blush, and she’s thankful for her darker complexion so it won’t show quite as obviously as Luke’s has. Part of her wants to look away at his words, but she makes herself maintain eye contact, lips pulling into a softer smile.

“Talking to you was my favourite time of day too,” she admits.

For a moment neither of them look away, and it’s like the restaurant around them has faded into static in the background because all Julie can see is Luke looking at her and hear her heart beating quickly in her chest and watching as one of his hands comes up to brush a loose curl behind her ear, fingertips lingering a few second too long on her cheek before he’s pulling back and clearing his throat with a shy smile.

“Well, glad we got that sorted.”

And she knows he doesn’t mean her hair or if they liked talking to each other or if any of the wait staff are judging them.

“I–” Julie starts, clears her own throat and leans back in her chair again, looks up at him through her eyelashes to find him smiling. “Me too.”

//

“I’ve always wondered how they get the lights on trees that big,” Julie murmured, head tilted a little to the side as she looked up at the tree in all its glittering glory.

“Really, really big ladders I’m guessing,” Luke steps up to her side, she can feel his eyes looking at her and she turns her head to see him grinning, “Or stilts.”

Julie rolls her eyes, blowing out an exasperated breath and shoving his shoulder lightly, “Ha, ha,” she mutters, but can’t quite keep the smile off her face either.

“Ow, you asked,” he claps a hand to his bicep, lip sticking out in a pout that just makes her smile wider.

“Have you done any christmas shopping yet?” She asks turning back to the stalls filling the square and trailing off down side streets. The whole place is a little overwhelming, bright lights and a cacophony of voices and too many scents to pinpoint.

But she kind of loves it. She loves it even more when the crowds get a little tight and Luke has to walk right by her side, hands brushing. (She’s still working up the courage to just grab it, but she’s also kind of waiting for him to make the first move. They’re playing a very low stakes game of chicken.)

“I’ve done… some,” he sounds a little like he’s avoiding saying something, but Julie’s willing to let it slide for now for an excuse to look at the different stalls, she glances up at him once before looking back at the stalls. “Do you have a plan of attack for this?”

“I’m thinking we… start on the left and work our way through?” From what she can tell most of the food stalls seem to be in the middle which means they can stop for a snack half way through. She’d passed by a stall with huge meringues when walking to the restaurant earlier and had been dying to get one ever since.

“Lead the way boss,” Luke says, putting his hands on her shoulders only long enough to steer her in the direction she’d chosen and nudge her forward a step. Then he’s stuffing them in his jeans pockets and walking next to her like nothing had happened.

She kinda hates it, him, for the casual touches that don’t last long enough for her to get used to them. Just little touches to her arm or her back or her shoulder, and then gone. The rational side of her knows that she could just grab his hand first, link their fingers together and not let go.

But she’s feeling a little stubborn about it now, especially as they’re stood shoulder to shoulder and looking at a stall of little wooden carvings. Luke lets out a little gasp of excitement and leans down and a little closer until his face is right next to hers and he’s pointing to one of the little name plaques hung at the back with his name on with little music notes dotted around.

“That’s so cool! It’s like they knew I was coming,” he grins – and Julie can feel him grinning because his cheek is almost touching hers and fuck she never knew she wanted to know what his face felt like when he smiled –, excitement evident in his voice and, before she can stop herself, Julie is reaching down to take the hand that’s dangling between them in hers, linking their fingers together and squeezing once. She’s watching him out of the corner of her eyes and sees him freeze for a moment, head dipping down to look at their joint hands and up again quickly to look at her. If it was possible, she’s pretty sure his smile would get bigger, but it can’t, so instead he squeezes her hand back and pulls her away to the next stall. So she gave in first, she’d be more mad about it if Luke’s hand wasn’t warm in hers.

It’s almost like he’d been holding himself back from touching her too much before, because now that’s she’s made the first move and taken his hand, Luke’s wrapping an around around her waist when they walk through the thicker parts of the crowd.

He’s tugging her against his side when they look at homemade soaps, and brushing hair out of her eyes when she picks ones up to smell.

In those little moments between them holding hands and not, his arm slips around her shoulders, fingers tracing pointless patterns into the fabric of his coat and whispering comments into her ear, each time it sends a shiver up her spine and she could swear he smiles when he notices.

And well, she can’t find it in her to be mad about it either. Because everytime he pulls her closer or relinks their fingers a flurry of butterflies are unleashed in her stomach and a giddy feeling of ‘oh! he likes me!’ fills her head.

It’s both infuriating and intoxicating.

After an hour, and weaving through rows of stalls and reaching the food section, it starts to snow. Little flurries of white flakes spinning in the air and Julie lets go of Luke’s hand to use both of hers to try and catch them.

She’s seen snow a few times in her life by now, but it doesn’t make it any less exciting each time. A few tiny flakes land in the palm of her hands and she pulls them close to her face, unable to stop the excited giggle that leaves her lips as she watches the flakes melt away into her skin. The flakes start coming down a little quicker and a little bigger and she turns in a slow circle, head thrown back to watch them before remembering she’s in public and must look a little crazy right now.

Trying not to blush, Julie bites her lip and turns around to find Luke, who’s already looking at her with a look on his face that she can’t describe. His lips are slightly parted and his eyes are just looking at her, softly and fiercely and like he is seeing something wondrous. She does blush now, and looks away from him, brushing hair in front of her face because she doesn’t want to try and name the look on his face. Not right now.

Someone bumps into her from the side and Julie stumbles slightly, then Luke is next to her, arm around her waist and smiling softly.

“Hot chocolate or mulled wine?” He asks quietly, nodding in the direction of a wood fronted food truck. The look in his eyes is less intense now, or maybe she’d just imagined it. Caught up in the wonder of the snow and maybe he had been too. Julie looks at the menu, if only for something to do before glancing up at him.

“Hot chocolate. Extra cream.”

//

Cups of hot chocolate in hand, they slowly walk through the rest of the market stalls, buying little souvenirs and trinkets sometimes, but mostly just talking. Laughing.

It’s only as the sky starts turning orange in the slowing snow that Julie notices they’ve left the main section of the Christmas market behind and are walking through the streets towards the river. There’s less people on the streets now so they don’t really have to walk as close, but Julie isn’t about to put any distance between them and it doesn’t seem like Luke is either.

As they get closer to the wall overlooking the river Julie realises that the sun is setting. It doesn’t feel like they’ve only spent four hours together. That four hours ago she’d been sitting in a restaurant and worrying that he wasn’t going to show up. Worrying that the last year of her life talking to him hadn’t meant the same to him. Which just seems so silly now, that she’d ever thought that. Hindsight she supposes.

“Why’d you call the band Sunset Curve?” She asks, it’s something that she’s idly thought about in passing, but never remembered to ask. Luke huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes, starts swinging their linked hands as they walk.

“We spent ages arguing about the name and Bobby said we should just throw a bunch of options into a hat and the one we pulled out would be the band name,” he shrugs, turning to look at her, “We got Alex’s little sister to pick one because we all started thinking one of us was gonna cheat. She pulled out Sunset Curve, Reggie literally yee-hawed, and we’ve been that ever since.”

“That’s… anti-climatic to be honest,” Julie laughs, and laughs a little more when he frowns at her. “You hear some of the lyrics you write and you’d think the band name would have more meaning.”

“You think we should lie about our band origins?” He puts his free hand on his chest in mock offense, drawing his brows together as he looks down at her, “And I thought you’d be against lying Miss Molina.”

“Oh shut up,” she laughs, pushing him away from her which backfires when Luke just pulls her along with him, using the momentum she’d given him to pull her flush against his side as he brings them to a stop by the river wall, wrapping one around around her waist and Julie lets her head rest on his shoulder, perfectly happy to stay in his warmth.

“I mean–” she starts, eyes looking out over the river and the reflection of the sunset in it, “Sunsets are all about endings but also beginnings, y’know? They’re this moment of change that only happens twice a day, you see the sun starting to go down and you know that– that you can start to rest. That the day’s coming to an end and if it’s been hard you can take a breath. Try again tomorrow. And they’re beautiful, sunsets. Even the most dull ones are beautiful. Every night the sky paints us a picture with orange and red and purple and sometimes green and–” Julie pauses to blow out a breath and turns her head to look up at Luke who’s once again already looking at her, but she doesn’t mind the look in his eyes this time. “I think sunsets are magical moments. And I think it makes sense that your band is called Sunset Curve because I think you’re pretty magical too, Luke.”

It feels like a cheesy thing to say. And inadequate compared to some of the things he’s called her. But the words are out in the open now and she can’t take them back. Just watch the way his eyes glimmer and his smile turns soft.

“You think I’m magical?” He asks.

And maybe it’s the sun setting in front of them, or the snow that’s still falling around them, or the extra cream from her hot chocolate, but all of sudden Julie feels extremely brave.

“I think you’re wonderful and talented and funny and cute and so many things. But yeah, I’d say you’re pretty magical.” She holds her breath as she waits to see what he’ll do or say in response, and when all he does is let his eyes roam across her face, Julie almost opens her mouth to take it back.

But then.

Oh.

Her heart stutters a beat as he dips and tilts his head to press a kiss into her temple, lips lingering for a few seconds and she could swear she feels them move, whispered words that she can’t hear, lost to the snow and setting sun. Luke pulls back just enough to see her face and smiles at her, one eye dropping into a wink that almost makes her burst out laughing and ruining the mood.

“I think you’re pretty magical too.”

//

With the sun setting the snow seemed to start falling in earnest and a breeze started to blow up from the river that chased them back to the shelter of the streets, hands clasped and giggling the whole way.

It’s only just after five, but Julie’s fingers started feeling like ice-cubes half an hour ago and she knows even Luke’s starting to feel the cold with the way he’s been trying to hide his face further into his coat.

“Do you want to maybe um–” He rubs the back of his neck as they wander aimlessly past stalls they’ve already visited, “Head back to the hotel and warm up? With drinks! Hot drinks. Or food. Not– I–” he starts stuttering and Julie bites her lip to stop from laughing too much at him before taking pity and nodding.

“Warming up with hot food or drinks at the hotel sounds good to me.”

They hadn’t intentionally booked the same hotel to stay in, it just so happened to be the one with the best deal on for the weekend they’d arranged to come. And if it meant things were a little more convenient for them, then well, who was Julie to complain?

“Should have bought those knitted gloves at that stall,” she mutters, mostly to herself, as she pushes the hand Luke isn’t holding into her coat pocket, and wishing it came with built in hand warmers or something.

“You would have looked incredibly cute in bright green gloves, especially with the matching hat,” Luke grins, but starts rubbing little circles with his thumb into the hand he’s holding in an attempt to warm her up.

“I think that would have clashed with this very nice coat I’m wearing,” Julie grins, turning her body to face him even as she keeps walking so he can see the coat clearly, just in case he hadn't noticed that it was his. (But she’d seen the way his eyes had traveled over her body earlier when she’d first put it back on inside the restaurant, the way they’d glazed over for a moment before he’d blinked and given her a lazy half smile that had filled her with warmth.)

“That is a very nice jacket,” Luke agreed with a grin, shoulder bumping against hers as she shifted back to his side as they walked down the street.

“Thanks. I stole it from some guy I met on a night out, never saw him again to return it.”

“Probably for the best, it looks better on you anyway,” he uses his empty hand to reach across and tug at the collar, knuckles brushing across her cheek as he does so. And Julie knows that was on purpose from the way he keeps eye contact the whole time.

“Stop. You can’t say things like that to me,” she doesn’t mean to whisper it, but it comes out low anyway, lips barely moving as her eyes roam across his face, slight furrow between her brows. God she wants to kiss him. She wants to fall asleep wrapped in his arms and wake up in the morning to his stupid face. But there’s a little voice in the back of her head that’s whispering doubts and she hates it.

“Why not?”

They’ve stopped walking now, Luke pulling them to the side without Julie putting up a fight as he guides her until they’re stood in a small alleyway between a bookshop and a bakery. Fairy lights and tinsel and a little fake Christmas tree’s lights illuminating them in the semi-darkness. There’s untouched snow on the ground around them and every time one of them breathes out clouds of air mix together. It makes her feel a little like a dragon, and somehow that makes her feel a little brave too.

“Because– fuck! When you say stuff like that it makes me want to kiss you,” Julie bits her lip as she looks up at him, shaking her head once, shoulders shrugging helplessly because she’s pretty sure he wants to kiss her too, but what if she’s wrong? She really doesn’t want to be wrong about this.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Luke raises an eyebrow at her, and she can tell he’s trying really hard to keep a smile off his face and his feet firmly on the ground. The jittery hands at his sides a dead give away, and under other circumstances she would probably find it incredibly endearing. How excited he apparently is. But she’s going through some thoughts here, so that will have to wait.

“No. Yes. I mean– I – No. It’s not a bad thing because I want to kiss you but I don’t know if you want to kiss me the way I want to kiss you and what if we do kiss and it’s terrible? Because we’ve built it up now, like a lot. Like, twelve whole months. And if it’s terrible then that’s my fault because I said no that first night but if it’s–”

Luke cuts her off by gently grabbing her hands that she hadn’t even realised she’d begun waving around in the air, and kisses her fingers, one at a time, eyes wide and dancing with an emotion she can’t place and then his lips are finally pulling into that wide smile he’s so clearly been trying to hide.

The one that she’s grown to love so much over the last year. The one that looks so much better in person.

“Julie, stop thinking about it so much,” he whispers.

And then he’s kissing her.

Lips soft and slow, and hands in her hair and hers around his neck, pulling him closer, closer, closer, and they’re smiling against each other's lips. And it’s awkward and a little cold and a lot rushed and it’s perfect.

Luke pulls away first, breathing heavily and rests his forehead against hers, she can feel his breath across her nose and ruffling her eyelashes. She smiles, presses a kiss into his chin and lets her hands fall from his neck to around his waist and tries to pull him closer still.

Because she wants too, and because she’s still cold and hugging Luke is something she’s wanted to do for twelve months now.

“You’re right, that was terrible,” Luke teases as he pulls away just enough to detangle his fingers from her hair and wrap them around her shoulders. Julie digs her fingers into his sides, feeling his squirm and let out a giggle, which she files away for later. “Just means we’ll have to practice a bit. Or a lot. Somewhere warm. Preferably on a bed. But I’ll take a couch too.”

He’s rambling, and Julie smiles into his chest before she pulls back to look at him with a raised brow.

“Then I guess we better get back to the hotel for hot food and drinks and practicing,” she teases, hands trailing up his sides and down his arms still wrapped around her shoulders until she reaches his hands and links their fingers together, stepping backwards out of the alley and tugging him with her.

He follows her willingly, with a smile on his face and they make it all of three steps before he’s tugging on their joint hands to bring her closer and then he’s kissing her again in the middle of the street under an old fashioned street light with snow falling around them.

It’s magical and amazing and the things people write songs about. And she can’t wait to get to write about it with him.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (9) | T.H

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N & Tom seem to be in the process of rebuilding their relationship. Natalie is up to no good. How much more can Y/N & Tom take?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Masterlist

A/N: Ive been reading all your responses lately and I appreciate them so much! Im so glad you’re all still on this crazy dramatic ride! Thank you so much for reading and supporting!

Spontaneity

There are certain moments in your life where things go according to plan, and others when they dont...but those are the best kinds. The moments that happen because it feels right and everything just falls into place. After all, everything happens for a reason.

It had been three weeks since Tom and Y/N had their heart to heart, promising to find Unknown together along with Harrison and Harry. While there were no threats taking place, one could never be too careful. The more they waited, the more vulnerable they became, letting down their guard ever so slightly.

Everyone kept a close eye on Natalie, but she convinced them enough to think she was on their side and the PR had nothing to do with Unknown. Show the boys one made up threat message from Unknown and you gained most of their trust. Tom had asked Natalie to stop the PR for the sake of mending his broken relationship with Y/N. She told him that her and her publicist agreed to put it on hold...but kept no promise of stopping it forever.

Natalie’s mother was getting furious, not happy with how her daughter handled the situation. “I told you to keep Y/N away, you insolent girl. You are ruining everything and your chance with Tom.”, she spat through the phone.

Natalie listened to her mother’s rant, rolling her eyes. “Relax mother.” She says sourily. “This is just the beginning. Y/N wont know what hit her and after this...She’s going to wish she never came back to London.” She hangs up the phone smirking as she goes through fan accounts that continued to spark the PR flame.

Meanwhile as the three weeks passed Tom & Y/N had slowly rebuilt their relationship. Occasional glances and banters left their tongue, subtle compliments were thrown out, and it almost seemed as if things would be back just the way they were. Even more so, one day in the kitchen. Y/N was making dinner the for the group as she took the time to cut the asparagus and broccoli. Tom passed by her, as he saw her lose herself in the soft music playing in the background, singing to herself all while still being focused on the food.

He leaned against the doorway and continued to observe her, admiring how cute she looked with her hair up and how sweet her voice sounded with the music. It almost made him think why she didn’t pursue a career in music instead of business. “Wow.” Tom muttered under his breath.

His voice must have been too loud, since Y/N looked up startled, but all the more happy to see the man she once loved..and still does deep down. “Oh..I didn’t see you there.” She giggles. “Don’t worry I’ll stop singing in the kitchen. I know how you guys are when I get into it.”

Tom quickly shook his head as he came closer to her, smiling back. “No. You don’t have to. I think your voice sounds lovely. I mean the kitchen’s got great acoustics.” He laughs nervously. Tom can’t remember the last time he felt so nervous with her, but in the good type of nervous. The type of feeling, one gets when they’re in front of their crush and all the butterlies in their stomach start fluttering. “You just sound and look so beautiful.” He admits, sheepishly.

“Thomas Stanley Holland are you trying to flirt with me?” She asks amused at his attempt pointing the knife at him from a safe distance.

“Am not.” He dramatically answers. “I can’t compliment a friend, who happens to be really beautiful.” Y/N shies away hiding her face, by looking down at the cutting board. “I mean it. I really do think you’re beautiful, even if you dont think like that.”

“Well..I’m definitely no model or Natalie, since the people say you both are London’s to die for couple.” She says bitterly.

Tom rolls his eyes as he takes her hand. “Hey..I told you we stopped it for now and Natalie agreed. You know, I get that we all have our suspicions of her after everything, but she said and proved she was a victim herself. Plus Unknown’s been quiet for the past three weeks.” Y/N scoffs at his defense for Natalie as she heads to the stove with Tom following right behind her. He taps on her should as she reluctantly turns to look at him. “I am only ever going to have feelings for you.” Tom confesses. In this moment their faces are inches apart, eyes are slowing moving down to their lips and back up to their eyes, breaths slowing, and just when it seemed like everything would fall into place, both quickly turn away clearing their throats

Y/N calms her heartbeat as she stirs the pasta while Tom helps stir the sauce. The room was quiet only the sound of bubbling from the pots filling the room. It only took five seconds before they both turned back to each other quickly connecting their lips. The fever and the passion increasing rapidly with every touch and pull. The warmth coming from their breaths and the tingling feeling everytime their lips touched. It was like coming back from an addicition you had quit for so long but craved every single time. They couldn’t stop no matter how wrong this was right now, but it felt so right so spontaneous, so in the moment.

Tom quickly signaled her to jump and did as she told, wrapping her legs around his toned torso, cupping her hands under his jaw. He pushed her back against the kitchen wall, as he slow let on of his hands linger under her shirt. It may have been months apart, but both knew exactly what the other needed and how to handle it. Almost as if it were instinctive. They were in complete bliss, forgetting the world around them. Until, the pasta water started overflowing on the stove.

Y/N opened her eyes and quickly pushed Tom away. “Shit. The food.” She yells out, jumping from Tom’s embrace. Both of them tried to calm their heart rate and Tom stood their watching Y/N, smiling at what had just happened. For once he had his girl back, and everything felt normal. Y/N looks at him, giggling. “What?” She asks.

“Nothing.” He replies, grinning like a little boy. “I’ve waited to do that for so long.”

Y/N blushes at his statement, as she sets up the table with the food. “Come on. It’s time to eat.”

Life seemed surreal after her encounter with Tom. Y/N told herself that it was a one time thing until they found Unknown. She didnt want to put anyone at risk especially both her’s and Tom’s heart. But everytime she told herself, the more she got lost in Tom. Every stolen moment, stolen kisses, stolen touch...he always had a way of making her forget. So while she vowed to herself that it would stop, her heart simply couldn’t. Tom was right, there was no PR, no text messages, no insane fan account rumor. Natalie hadn’t even bothered either of them, always focused on her own thing, and truthfully seemed a lot nicer when she came forth about being a victim of Unknown. The questions came to Y/N’s mind. Why should she have to live in fear? Why not just live in the moment?

It was a slow night. Harrison had spent the weekend at his mother’s while Harry did the same. Tom and Y/N were the only ones that roamed aroundthe house. While Natalie spent her time contemplating everything. Her initial plan to crush Y/N when she least expected was approaching ever so quickly after all the time it took to set up. Within that time, she had gotten to know Y/N and Tom even more so a part from the hatred and the jealousy. For a second...just a second, she considered not to follow through. But her mother’s words and the thought of losing her chances with Tom overtook her the moment she saw the two fall in love all over again. Her suspicions only became worse when she recirved a text from her mother.

Unknown

Just remember, your acting career and your dreams depend on Tom. If you want Tom to choose you, you better get rid of the girl stealing your chances.

Filled with worry, Natalie quickly grabbed her things and made her way out the door.

Meanwhile, Tom and Y/N continued to spend time in each others arms everywhere they went in the house. They settled on the couch, Tom’s stong hands wrapping around her torso as Y/N curled herself into Tom. “I wish we could stay like this forever.” She whispers to him.

Tom hums at the idea, smiling wide. “Me too.” He brings her soft lips to his, letting them linger for a couple seconds more. “Do you really enjoy staying in the guest room?” Tom asks.

Y/N looks up at him, with curious eyes. “I mean yeah it’s okay. Why?”

Tom takes a deep breath before asking, “Well...I was uh wondering, if you didn’t like it as much there, you could..maybe stay with me...again.” He suggested muttering the last word. Tom smiled nervously, as he observes Y/N’s emotions. She was calm like the sea before a storm.

Y/N smiles at his offer, but shakes her head. “Mmm..it’s okay. Im fine where I am, but thank you for the generous offer.” She responds, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah...I guess I should have seen that coming.” Tom admits, his face showing signs of disappointment.

Y/N pouts her lips, and lifts her small hand to move a piece of his hair. “Hey..believe me. I want to but nows the not the time..at least not yet. One day, I promise.” She whispers leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “C’mon we got another day tomorrow. I’m gonna head into my room for a bit.”

“I’ll come up later just wanna make a call to Harrison.” Tom replies. Y/N looks at him and smiles as she nods and heads back up to her room.

As the night came to an end, Y/N took the time to unwind with a book in hand when her phone went off. Her face dropped when she saw the messages.

Pictures of Natalie out and about wearing Tom’s clothes and jewlery, smiling into the sun and enjoying her day out with friends. Gossips left and right from fans and media, talking about how adorable it was that Natalie was the type of girlfriend to steal her boyfriends clothes because it looks cuter on her. Y/N knew deep down it wasn’t true but the words and pictures taunted her. Slowly and surely, she started to get mad, furious that Natalie would start the flame again out of nowhere when she promised Tom they would stopped. Another message popped up for Y/N, and it was from someone she so willingly prayed it wouldnt be who she thought.

Unknown

Doesn’t she look cute in his clothes. Probably better than you ever could. BTW..where is lover boy? 😉

Y/N throws her phone against the wall, pissed more than ever. She should have known this was going to happen. Y/N contemplated the message, she wondered what the text meant. After all Unknown seeemed to know more about everyone here better than they knew themselves. Y/N slowly went downstairs only to hear whispering coming from the kitchen. She couldn’t make out the exact words but she could identify the voice. It was Tom and Natalie? She took a peak at the kitchen where the two stood facing each other. Y/N couldn’t make out Tom’s face but she could see Natalie’s very clearly. “Kiss me.” Natalie whispers, as she quickly places her lips on Tom’s cradling his neck, but Tom didn’t stop. The moment his eyes opened up to see Y/N’s he pushed Natalie off with all his might.

Y/N standing there in shock and sadness. Her eyes tearing up, her breaths shortening. She shakes her head, as she replays the disturbing image in her mind. “Y/N... it’s not what it looks like.” Tom quickly defends, trying to reach for Y/N as she steps back. Natalie observing the two, a slight smirk forming across her face. “I swear it was for the PR and movie.” He yells out, trying to chase her.

Y/N whips back as she faces Tom, the angriest she has ever been with him. “Who are you putting a show for in this house? Me? Because I sure as hell didn’t fucking like it one bit. I should have known better.” She spits out, heading up the stairs with Tom following.

“Y/N..please. It didn’t mean anything. I swear. I was put in a compromising position. Please listen to me.” Tom pleads. The door to her room is shut locked, but he stays there waiting and knocking at the door. “Y/N. Don’t do this. Dont walk away. Please just let me explain. You know what we have is special and the moment at the kitchen and everything this past month...”

“Was ruined and a complete and utter mistake. Leave me alone and I swear Tom you even try to get near me I will make sure you never see the light of day. I should have fucking stayed back.” Y/N yells out, sobbing against the door. It was a nightmare, and this time she couldn’t get out. She sat there now realizing, her heart had broken completely for the second time.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @viwihere @marvelobsessedteenager @panicattheeverywherekid @oswinO5 @jillanaholland

[tamakiamajikistentacles]

Rhythm Section {Poly BakuJiro}

A/N: Please be sure to reblog, comment, review, and like if you enjoy! Feedback is what keeps me motivated! Again, something different that I tried but still the self-indulgent train keeps a-rollin’ choo choo ya’ll

Class A’s contribution to the culture festival in their first year had become the stuff of legend at UA. By the time the next culture festival was approaching, they were all but told that they would be putting on another concert for their second-year program. Another hit song by Jiro and great routine by Mina might’ve been even more successful than the first depending on who was asked.

Third year was the same but not as much of a surprise—A Band would be taking the stage for the final time as UA students. As expected it was spectacular, cheers and compliments raising up from the audience before them while they stood in awe at the reaction.

Well, she stood in awe at something different. She was in awe at the sight of Bakugo and Jiro, both sweaty but energized from the performance and looking amazing. Handsome, pretty, beautiful, attractive… all of the above on both accounts really. That night had been the one that made her realize that she had two crushes.

She was okay with crushing on both a guy and a girl—she’d known about that aspect of herself for a while but hadn’t shared it with anyone quite yet—but did it have to be on the two people in the class who were effortlessly cool in everything they did? It was like they were both trying to kill her at every turn.

Studying with Jiro? She’s twirling one earphone jack around her finger mindlessly and biting her lower lip as she concentrates on the material in front of her. The wide neck of her ripped tshirt slips down her shoulder slightly to reveal smooth skin that she just knows is as soft as it looks.

Training with Bakugo? The muscles in his arms are flexing as they practice traditional hand to hand and the smirk on his face is wild. When they finish and he lifts his tank top to wipe sweat from his face she can see every ridge of abs and has to move away before he lifts it higher and makes her stop breathing.

It was difficult having crushes on the two hottest people in the class and having zero chance with either. No one knew she liked girls (did Jiro even like girls?) and stepping in the way of becoming Number One seemed like a death sentence.

“This is hard,” she groaned, dropping her face into her arms at one of the common room tables.

Jiro laughed. “Music theory can be, even if you’re a musician. I only know it because of my parents.”

“Do you think the greats struggled with it too?” she asked as she raised her head to look at her. “Like was Jimmy Page as done with this as I am right now?”

“Ohh someone knows her classic rock icons,” she teased.

“He was just the first name that came to mind! I should’ve said Bonham instead.”

“What, you’re not into guitarists?”

“I mean I don’t think I’m not into them?” she replied. “I just prefer the rhythm section, that’s all.”

Jiro raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“Well yeah, they’re generally hotter. Bonham is case in point.”

“Any other data points to back that up?” she asked curiously.

“There’s a lot but think Fall Out Boy, All Time Low, Zeppelin like I mentioned…” she trailed off as she locked eyes with the girl across from her.

Was this—was this an opening? Could she even…?

“And, you know,” she finally continued, “A Band.”

A smirk took over her lips and she tapped her pen against her notebook as she looked over her, the smirk growing every passing second.

“I think Kaminari would be a little sad to hear that,” she mused.

She shrugged. “Kaminari’s not exactly who I’m trying to impress.”

Jiro dropped her pen and crossed her arms on the table, leaning forward with interest sparkling in her eyes. She was grinning and looked like someone who couldn’t believe the luck they’d had. And the fact that she’d done that to her? Incredible.

A hand landed on Jiro’s shoulder making her jump, and when she whirled around in her chair she saw an annoyed Bakugo. His scowl deepened when Jiro tried to smile at him and from across the table she could see the muscle in his jaw jump.

“We need to talk,” he ground out through clenched teeth, squeezing her shoulder in warning. Then he let go and stomped towards the hallway to the elevators.

“Uh, sorry,” Jiro said with a blush as she began gathering her things. “I shouldn’t keep him waiting and knowing him it’s gonna be awhile. Sorry to cut this short, but can I text you later?”

“Oh, yeah, totally! I hope everything goes okay with Bakugo.”

She gave a weak smile as she stood, lifting two fingers in a wave before she went towards the elevators.

Watching her go made her frown as she too began grabbing her materials to head to her room. That was quite possibly the bravest she had ever been when talking to a crush and of course it had to be interrupted. It was likely for a good reason if it was Bakugo doing the interrupting but still.

‘At least she’ll text me later,’ she thought.

With a sigh she clutched her textbook and notes to her chest and started toward the elevators. But as she neared the corner she could make out a conversation that made her pause.

“…said I was sorry!” Jiro whispered. “She’s the one who—”

“Oh sure, blame her!” Bakugo snapped in a low voice.

Were they talking about her? Were they—was this a couple’s argument? Was she getting between them by essentially telling Jiro she was trying to impress her?

Her two crushes getting together and her inadvertently driving a wedge between them was the absolute worst-case scenario she could imagine. She was ready to faint.

“She brought it up, okay? I didn’t say ‘hey, who do you think are the hottest members of our class band? It’s totally me and Bakugo, right?’, she just said it and then it got flirty! Doesn’t it at least help to know she thinks we’re attractive?”

"That’s not—I thought we agreed that we would both be cool and not lay it on so damn thick? What happened to seeing who she likes more? You just took a fifty-meter head start and now I don't even know if she likes guys!" Bakugo hissed.

“I like both.”

They had both turned to look at her, surprised at her sudden appearance and declaration. Beneath that there was something else that she couldn’t quite place—hope?

“I… I like guys and girls. I’m bi,” she said for the first time out loud. Then, with a bite to her lip, she added, “And more specifically, I like the both of you.”

“Damn,” Jiro mumbled as Bakugo looked off to the side.

She had no idea what she was doing and was internally panicking. What was she supposed to say now? Should she say anything? Yeah, yeah she should. She had to.

“I do like you both,” she repeated softly, “but I also know you two are close. Don’t… don’t make it a competition. I don’t want to choose because you’re both amazing.”

Bakugo looked up at her, his eyes calculating. “Then don’t.”

Jiro went wide-eyed but covered it as she turned to her. “Maybe we should all talk privately. This isn’t something the class needs to hear.”

She nodded, following behind them as they made their way into the elevator.

As they stepped out on the third floor she could feel something shift between the three of them. With each step down the hall it got warmer, and she wondered if she was the only one who felt it. Bakugo’s clenched jaw and Jiro’s constant glances between them both made her think that no, it wasn’t.

It was only after they were all standing in Jiro’s room that Bakugo began to speak, his voice not as harsh as it usually was.

“You don’t need to choose,” he said again. “I like you and so does she. You like me and you like her. She and I get along just fine.”

“So by not choosing you mean…?

“I mean you can have both of us. Or neither of us. If you don’t want competition it’s an all or nothing type deal.”

She looked between him and Jiro. “You two have talked about this? And you’re both okay with it being all or nothing?”

“Yeah we uh, we’re good. Not like he and I haven’t done everything already, you know?” Jiro chuckled nervously, pulling her sleeves down over her hands.

“Okay,” she replied. “Then I’m all in.”

“Oh thank fuck, I wanna kiss you so bad,” Jiro sighed, starting towards her.

Bakugo grabbed the back of her cardigan and yanked her back to his side, glaring at her when she squirmed to try and make him let go.

“Keep your fuckin’ legs closed for five minutes,” he snapped, dropping his hand from the fabric.

She bit her lip, not sure what was going to happen now that the decision had been made. Plus she was a little disappointed; she wanted to kiss Jiro too.

“Listen, we gotta get some shit straight first alright?” Bakugo said. “This ain’t exactly the norm, so if we gotta start small, we do. First thing’s first, do you want us both at the same time or are we workin’ up to that?”

That had been the shift: sexual tension. And yeah, she definitely wasn’t the only one who felt it judging by the subtle tensing of Jiro’s thighs and the not at all subtle outline in Bakugo’s pants.

“Same time is what I want. I’ve… never done it with two people before and I’ve never been with another girl but I want you. Both of you.”

He nodded. “You been tested? You on anything?”

“Work study tests us all for literally everything imaginable each month so yeah, three weeks ago and I’m good,” she said, her skin hot. “I’m on the pill but I would really prefer you use a condom too.”

“Same,” Jiro offered with a smile. “On both accounts.”

“Tested last week and I’m good too,” Bakugo said. “Hard no’s for this first time?”

“Grabbing is the only thing that happens to my ass and if anyone hits me they’re losing whatever limb made contact.”

“No problem,” he shrugged.

Jiro laughed. “I think that tonight we keep it tame, yeah?”

With a smirk on his face Bakugo stepped out of his slippers and came towards her, laying a hand on her waist before stepping around her and pressing himself against her back. “Tame as a threesome can be.”

She could feel his breath on the back of her neck and she shivered, closing her eyes for just a moment. When she opened them, Jiro was in front of her.

Smiling, she brought her hands up to cup her face and kissed her. Lips pressed against the side of her neck too and she realized that stepping around that corner on the first floor was the best decision she could’ve made. If she hadn’t she wouldn’t be enjoying the two sets of hands slowly roaming her body or the two tongues that were sliding past her lips and tracing a reddening mark on her jaw.

Her shirt was gently pushed up and bunched around her stomach as large, warm palms slid across her skin and tried pulling her slightly away from Jiro, but her grip on her hips held her steady enough to not break the kiss. The hands dragged up to cup her ribs just below her bra and Bakugo rolled his hips into her from behind, making her gasp into her kiss with Jiro.

She smiled, eyes half lidded as her fingertips brushed against her cheek. “We’re gonna make you feel so good.”

“Wanna make you two feel good too,” she murmured, feeling the bites to her neck pause.

“Y’already are, just let us have our fun,” he mumbled before pushing her top up over her head and dropping it to the side. He pulled his own shirt off quickly and let his hands roam the newly bared skin of her back.

Shakily, she reached forward to tug at the hem of Jiro’s cardigan, receiving a smile and an easy shrug to remove it. A moment later the undershirt followed and she pulled her into a kiss again as the hands at her back lightly snapped the band of her bra.

She jumped, breaking the kiss. “Bakugo!”

“Tch, pretty sure we can go for given names now, right Kyoka?”

“Katsuki’s right,” she giggled, kissing her once more.

She felt overwhelmed in the best way. She was on a first name basis with both of her crushes and was between the two of them, holding Kyoka close and kissing her with everything she had while Katsuki ground himself against her and unclipped her bra.

With more gentleness than she expected, he guided the straps down her arms and lightly tugged her arms from around Kyoka so the loosened fabric could fall to the side. Kyoka took that time to step back to undo and shed her own which allowed Katsuki to spin her around to face him for the first time. He smirked, fingers gliding up her sides until he was able to cup her chest in large palms.

She cradled his jaw and brought him forward to press her lips against his, surprised at the lack of roughness she’d expected when he kissed back. Was it testing the waters or savoring the first taste? She was willing to bet both.

Cool hands smoothed over her back and slow, careful kisses trailed down her spine. The drag of lips against the curve of her lower back made her shiver and the nudge of fingertips just below her waistband made her heart race even more. Fabric slid down her legs to leave her completely bare and she felt her face heat up, self-conscious of being the only one, until a moment later she heard the soft sound of clothing hitting the floor behind her and felt bare skin against her back.

Breaking apart from Katsuki to breathe she leaned forward to press open mouthed kisses to his collarbone, the definition like he had been chiseled from stone. Her hands fell to his hips and hooked her fingers into his sweats and underwear, tugging them down to pool at his feet. She traced over the ridges of muscle across his stomach as she continued kissing up his neck, careful not to leave marks where his costume couldn’t cover.

She felt Kyoka rest her chin on her shoulder, then a brush against her arm and a twist of muscle beneath her lips. When she glanced up she saw her kissing Katsuki, one hand on his cheek to keep him turned towards her. One hand dropped from her chest and moved behind her, knuckles at her back and a soft gasp coming from Kyoka making it obvious where it had gone.

Then the hand still on her chest slowly slid down her body before settling between her legs and the hand at her back returned to her hip. Cooler hands would around her to cup her chest, a shudder running through her at the temperature but her fingers traced down the sculped stomach in front of her.

Two fingers pressed into her as she wrapped her hand around Katsuki, a soft gasp escaping her and a low groan coming from him. Kyoka’s light laughter followed and she began pressing kisses across her shoulders, mouth free from Katsuki’s head tipping back as more groans were drawn out from the slow stokes.

She bit her lip as the fingers between her legs curled perfectly and his thumb drew firm circles on her clit.

“Good with his fingers, right?” Kyoka whispered.

She could only nod with a whimper as she felt her thighs tense. Her strokes grew faster and she rocked her hips forward slightly to chase the feeling, her back arching at the two pairs of hands treating her so well.

She whined loudly as the fingers between her legs withdrew and the solid warmth disappeared from in front of her, but she couldn’t dwell on it as she was turned around once again and pressed against Kyoka. Their lips found one another’s easily and she felt those cool hands on her cheeks, her own fingertips tracing the soft skin of the curves of her chest and stomach. Even with inexperienced nerves tingling in the back of her mind she ventured lower to the apex of pale of thighs and reveled in the pleased hum into her mouth. Knowing what she liked for herself she rubbed familiar patterns and curled her fingers just so to keep the noises flowing, swallowing them proudly as they grew louder.

“I like how you sound,” she murmured breathily as they broke apart and dark hair tickled her chest as Kyoka rested her forehead against her shoulder with a gasp.

“And I like the view,” Katsuki chuckled from behind her, the crinkling of foil lost to the low timbre.

Hands came around to cup her chest from behind once again and those lips were back on her neck, the rhythm of her fingers stuttering slightly at the sensations.

“Let… let me show you what I’m good at,” Kyoka panted, kissing her cheek before pulling back. Their eyes stayed locked as she kneeled down, her palms gently widening her stance to make room between her thighs, and it was only at the first brush of her tongue on her clit did she close her eyes.

Her fingers dropped to thread through the dark hair that was just as silky as she’d always imagined, tightening slightly as fingertips trailed closer to where her lips and tongue were working her closer to cumming faster than she could comprehend. The teeth scraping against her neck and jaw gave just the right amount of pain to combine with that pleasure and her legs started to shake from the effort of standing.

Katsuki noticed immediately, the mark he’d been working on abandoned as he ordered, “Bed, Kyoka.”

The hum of agreement between her thighs nearly sent her over the edge right then, but the promise of experiencing even more was too alluring to succumb to it so soon and she let herself be guided to the bed on weak legs by her two partners. It was a bit difficult for the three of them to lie together in the small dorm bed but they managed to arrange themselves well enough to be comfortable and continue.

She was one more kissing Kyoka as they laid on their sides facing one another and Katsuki’s chest was pressed against her back, smooth latex brushing against the back of her thigh. Familiar rough hands parted her thighs, lifting one leg slightly, and she felt him move against her to position himself before rolling his hips forward.

A soft moan escaped her as her hand trailed down the soft skin in front of her, the fullness she felt something she wanted to share at least somewhat with Kyoka. She traced her tongue along her bottom lip as she pressed two fingers into her and began to draw firm circles on her clit, her pattern hesitant and uneven as Katsuki started to move. It took a few moments for them to sink into a rhythm that suited all of them but once they did it felt like everything had fallen into place.

Deep groans vibrated against her shoulders as he mouthed more bites along her back, the sting of his teeth and the soft pinches to her nipples from Kyoka giving her more sensations than she could comprehend. She had to break the kiss to rest her head against her collarbone, panting breaths making her chest heave and muscles clench as their newfound rhythm amongst the three of them sped up.

“That’s it,” Katsuki mumbled, his fingers ghosting over her hip to find a place on her clit.

One hand left her chest and a whisper of, “Katsuki,” over her shoulder let her know exactly what happened next when he shifted higher and so did Kyoka, her chest now directly in front of her. She took advantage, curling her fingers just so and laving her tongue over her left nipple; her free hand came up to knead and pinch her right.

Katsuki dutifully swallowed her moans but the trio each silently hoped that the rest of the class were still in the common room because there was no possible way for them to hold back the gratified sounds. As their rhythm grew steadily faster and the muscles coiled even tighter the louder they were surely becoming.

It was Kyoka who came first, tossing her head back and cupping the back of her neck to keep her to her chest, her hips rocking into her hand as she rode out the pleasure with breathy moans.

“Fuck!” Katsuki grunted, his fingers adding more pressure to her clit to bring her over the edge just before he himself toppled over, the tightness around him almost unbearable with how amazing it felt as he ground his hips into hers as they came.

The three of them collapsed into one another breathing heavily and weakly clinging to each other, willing their heartbeats to slow and their pleasure to linger. Easy kisses were shared between them and fingertips traced sweat-damp skin as they laid together for a few peaceful moments.

Kyoka nudged both her and Katsuki. “We gotta clean up.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, getting to his feet and helping them both up and into Kyoka’s bathroom.

Within ten minutes they were semi-dressed and piled back in the bed with Kyoka spooning her and her head on Katsuki’s chest. Fingers tangled in hair and lips pressed to exposed skin let that bliss continue in a sweet way as they laid with one another.

She giggled, thinking back to hours before in the common room when she wasn’t sure what was going to happen in regard to her crushes yet here she was cuddled between them after what was most definitely the most pleasurable night of her life.

“Oi, the hell you laughin’ at?”

“Yeah, no secrets between boyfriends and girlfriends,” Kyoka teased.

She smiled. “Just thinking about how this morning I had crushes on the two hottest people in the class and now I’m dating them.”

“Weird how that shit works out sometimes but I can’t complain when I got the two hottest girls in the class,” Katsuki smirked.

“I’m with you, babe,” Kyoka said with a kiss to her cheek. “I’m just excited I got the drummer and the groupie.”

Damn, she was lucky.

A/N: Please be sure to reblog, comment, review, and like if you enjoy! Feedback is what keeps me motivated! So yeah I love rhythm section members irl and no I’ve never written a threesome before, why do you ask?

[kittkatt678]

The Zodiac as Jessi Songs

ARIES = SSENUNNI

On idol shows and competitions, this song is played whenever shit is about to go down. And for good reason. “SSENUNNI” means strong, independent woman. Jessi in general is all about confidence, which you Aries rock! Combined with the dope outfits and putting a man in an arm bar, Jessi’s SSENUNNI suits your sizzling energy Aries! 

TAURUS = Drip (Feat. Jay Park) 

Taurus you are materialistic. You are about that money. Visuals. Success. Food. Riches. Comfort. Drip accompanies a lot of those things! Aside from beats, Jessi’s husky voice, and even more killer outfits, this song features Jay freaking Park. Everyone knows once you make it big, all the people beneath you will envy you. Jessi has a fun time mocking such people and showing her success! Something I’m sure you’d relate to, Taurus. 

GEMINI = Who Dat B

Hello there, Gemini. You have the blunt of stereotypes in the zodiac I’m afraid. I’m terribly sorry for that. To me, you are quick-witted, authentic, and won’t hesitate bitch! (Sorry I had to reference a vine somewhere...) But seriously, you won’t hesitate to call someone out. You won’t hesitate to make your own success. So all in all, you’re Dat B, Gemini! 

CANCER = Down

Cancer you also have a lot of stereotypes. Fuck them. You aren’t a crybaby, you cry because you give a damn! You never disappoint either. You’re caring, loyal, and incredibly perceptive. You pay attention. With the tropical beat, Down goes perfectly with summer. Down is about how Jessi doesn’t want to disappoint her partner and how she doesn’t want to be disappointed in return. This could be sexual or in terms of love that’s meant to last a lifetime. But either way, it might be likely that Jessi simply wants to get some! And so should you, Cancer.

(Please don’t hate me for this lol.)    

LEO = Boing (Feat. 창모)

Leo the Lion...you’re imposing, charismatic, and dramatic. Boing is a good song for you for a couple of reasons. First off, the music screams flair. Secondly, you’re a motherfucking boss ass bitch. This song is a mantra for that. Finally, you like to be the center of attention. (There’s a reason why the Sun is your planet so in other words you’re literally the center of our entire solar system!) So all in all, you could say that Boing would probably be on your movie’s soundtrack. Get to work, you Leo! 

(I would highly recommend looking at this translation if you don’t understand Korean, a lot of the Korean lyrics might resonate with you! ---> Translation)    

VIRGO = Gucci 

Hello Virgo! You’re hardworking, practical, and notice the little details most miss. Now I know that there isn’t anything practical about Gucci, but we all know that if you wanted to be rich, you could definitely make it happen. You make yourself what you are, and Virgo you are the bad motherfucker in the room. Screw what anyone else says, you’re also Gucci.    

LIBRA = Arrived (Music Visual)

Here’s the official audio my fellow Jebbies!! ----> https://youtu.be/Vuk3p1bBfKo

Hi, my dear Libra. You are perceptive, charming, and fabulous. You don’t tolerate shit from other people! People take notice when you walk by. You are the flowers in the chaos. You know when someone is bullshiting. Like could you please teach me your ways? You would do anything for your loved ones. They matter a lot to you. Just like Jessi would for her Jebbies. So tell everyone that you’ve Arrived, and grace us with your presence!  

SCORPIO = WET (Also by FLOSIK)

Scorpio, you give your all or nothing. This could be in various aspects of your life, but for obvious reasons I selected this song for you. Sex. You make it hot and heavy Scorpio, and honestly we like it. You’re a strategist, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this showed in your financials. You’re coming for that cheddar, Scorpio. And that’s why WET is totally for you. (Not to mention that you’re a water sign lol.)   

SAGITTARIUS = NUNU NANA

Sagittarius, you share this sign with Jessi herself! You don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks of you. You are always yourself, even if others don’t respect that. Positive, blunt, and hilarious are a few things to describe you, Sagittarius. Just like Jessi, you’re always trying to give others more. Whether it’s a more realistic outlook or more laughter, you give it. It’s really all or nothing. And to sum it up, the choreography and visuals in NUNU NANA are everything.   

CAPRICORN = Put it on ya (Feat. BM and nafla)

Capricorn, you are ambitious and disciplined. Just like Jessi, you’re always doing big thangs and keeping it 100! It doesn’t hurt to unwind once in awhile, although that’s what you might believe. All eyes tend to be on you because of your impressive hustle. All work and no play makes Capricorn a workaholic. Enjoy, Put it on ya. Just do it. 

AQUARIUS = Spirit Animal

Greetings, Aquarius. You are witty, aloof, and innovative! To say the least, I wouldn’t want to engage in a battle of wits with you my friend. A spirit animal is an animal that represents who you are. Jessi, is your spirit animal. When Jessi talks, others listen. It’s the same way with you because you know what you’re talking about. You are revolutionary and others likely look up to you. You don’t care what others think either. Aquarius, you are my Spirit Animal.    

PISCES = Numb

I bid you welcome artistic, devoted, and sarcastic Pisces! You are highly in turn with your emotions. The visuals and lyrics in Numb might very well appeal to you. Sometimes when the feelings become too much, it’s better not to feel anything. People numb themselves with music, hobbies, physical exercise, alcohol, and or drugs. In Jessi’s case, it’s liquor. How do you numb yourself I wonder? All in all, Pisces, I feel that you might relate to Numb.   

[traumatized-motherfuckers]

Friendship Dissolutions; A Lesson in Asshole Trauma Reactions

So this is normally my school day, but I’m feeling the need to dig into something else this morning. The past events of this weekend, annnnd the past nearly two years. Because, if you  hadn’t heard, relationships are hard and I like to embarrass myself by telling you about all my fuck ups.

You know, romantic relationships are a disaster for yours truly, but I always thought I was pretty good at the friendship thing. Since high school I’ve almost always had robust friendly relationships - both in depth and breadth. With the exception of a few difficult points in my life since 16, my phone has never been quiet, my weekends have only been isolating when I’ve been isolating myself, and I’ve always felt like I had humans on my side who were closer to kin than my actual family.

The thing is, there have been periods when this hasn’t been the case. I want to say that it’s generally when I’m in my worst mental health downfalls, but I don’t think that’s universally true. There have been variable reasons for separating myself from other people, or vice versa. Sometimes getting too busy, sometimes naturally growing apart, sometimes getting too obsessed with a romantic partner.

But, taking a more analytical view, underlying my lost friendship events, trauma has often been one of the influences that corrupted my friendships and left me lonely, even if it doesn’t seem like it at face value. The thing is, the trail of breadcrumbs might go back 20 years or so. I might not have been in a full-blown trauma state at the time, but those early life non-learnings about relationships have left their mark. So, yes, I do believe that CPTSD is the prerequisite for interpersonal disruptions and we’re not alone in that.

Anyways, in this Fucker’s life, for the past almost 2 years I’ve been in one of those friendship lulls. I’ve had casual friends, roommates, work-associates, distant relationships, some of those hey-how’s-it-going-every-two-months relations. But I haven’t had those deep, rich, all-encompassing friendships that used to define my existence. The ones that used to make me feel safe enough to have an existence, at all.

It’s all because I lost my core group of friends, I didn’t understand and couldn’t fix the problem, and I had no idea how to move forward.

And this last time when I lost everyone I loved, it was definitely due to trauma. Acute, historical, and recovering trauma, to be specific. It was a horrible period of my life, I was a human wrecking ball, and I had no emotional control… because, partially thanks to said friends, I never had to develop those skills.

Basically, I’ve been on my own since a whole series of mental health related isolation events and relationships dissolutions that have persisted since - I want to say 2019 - but to be more holistic, the ship started sailing earlier than that. Like, when I was born.

This has all come to mind more than usual because, this weekend? I had a strange rush of humans back into my life. For the first time in a long time, I saw my best, closest, most important old friends, who were closer to siblings…. In our natural habitat, with our normal friendship routines, with hundreds of memories from the past decade flying around the room.

And today… or, realistically, since I tried to go to sleep after seeing them each day this weekend… I have the relationship reckoning to deal with. The emotional and cognitive processing of everything that’s happened. The lost years. The sense of abandonment. The feeling of being cast out of a family. The inkling that everyone was talking about me. The realization that I was acting a fool, and maybe they should be talking about me. The sense that all parties were partially responsible, but I was the one to blame. The voice in my head that has called me a crazy, miserable, unlovable mess the entire time I debated this at 6am and 6pm and 3am for the past several years.

And now, in the aftermath, I have to work through the dynamic cocktail of feelings, the sense of waiting for the other shoe, and the big decision - are these relationships that I feel secure pursuing again?

And I don’t think I’m alone in this one.

So, today I thought it would be good to talk about this. The history of losing my favorite people on the planet, how I perceived it at the time, how I see my own trauma-actions fucking shit up in hindsight, how I’ve forgiven myself for being such a wild one, and… well… my hesitancy to have close friendships with humans who hurt me in the past. The ways I realized that being separate was beneficial to my mental health and life progress. The self-sabotaging enablement patterns that I now recognize, ran deep, in our old group of friends. The fear that being around them again will let my trauma brain run away with me.

Woo - it’s a whole personal relationship reckoning over here. Let’s just do this, so I can get to my school work at some point soon.

History

So let me set up this situation. You need the background details, of which, there are many dramatic twists and turns.

Be me, Spring of 2019. My romantic relationship with my ex in Atlanta - the musical narcissist that I followed to the city - is going terribly. Since we moved things have been rocky, but now our relationship has been pumped full of disappointment, unfair expectations, emotional codependency, resentment, horrific fighting, and abuse of all colors. Every day is a battle. We’re rarely ever “happy” together. We’re closer to enemies than friends. And we live under the same roof - the one his parents bought for him, outright in cash - to make matters even more fun.

Other than him, I’m alone in this city. I work at the brewery, where no one really likes me. I have one friend from work, but little time to interact thanks to the demanding schedule of my ex with his gigs and out-of-state child visitation.

Financially, my savings have been depleted by floating my significant other’s horrible decisions for the past 2 years. We can never get ahead. He never pays me back for anything. I’m basically in his pocket, as far as needing resources to survive.

As you can imagine, and as I’ve described previously, my mental health is in THE SHITTER. Maybe worse than it’s ever been, although this is hard to judge against some of my earlier years in my 20’s. I’m definitely ramped up in an aggressive and defensive trauma state more than ever before, thanks to living with my aggressor every day. I feel like I’m surviving against the will of my partner, who seems to legitimately be doing his best to drive me into an early grave every single time the sun rises. He’s moved into the territory of intentionally triggering me for hours on end, upsetting me to the point of mental breakdowns, and then gaslighting me for “acting so crazy.” Things have become dangerous, I have no one to turn to, and no cash to get myself into a better situation… not that I know what a better situation even looks like.

But one day, I left. Packed my two bags, went to work, wound up at that single sort-of-friend’s house, never went back home.

And that’s when the real nightmare started. I mean, my ex was a terror over time as we lived together, but a narcissist scorned is a narcissist determined to ruin your fucking life. He harassed me daily via text, phone call, FB messenger, email, stalkings… whatever you can think of. When I blocked him on everything, he started trying to leverage our therapists against me until they refused to interact anymore. He wouldn’t let me into his house to get my stuff. He tried to have me arrested for attempting to do so, after he made arrangements with me to move that weekend. He suddenly refused to even acknowledge that he owed me a dime, and found a way to tally up venmo transactions to show that I actually owed him. He took my only support - our dog, who was really my dog - away and wouldn’t let me see him. Later, he reported my car stolen, so I had to purchase a new one without warning.

The list goes on and on. Just, assume every pathetic, cruel, desperate attempt at getting under someone’s skin and reminding them that they had the audacity to leave you. That’s what was going on in my world.

Meanwhile, with those financial and social pressures I mentioned earlier. No close friends in the area, no spare cash, an unstable job where I was on the chopping block for the reason of “the CEO didn’t like my personality,” nowhere to live, no idea where to go next or how to start a whole new life.

Annnnnd this is right about when my closely knit friend group back in Illinois sort of, well, dipped.

My bestest, best, most treasured friend in my lifetime had always been there for me. But now, she wasn’t. We had exchanged a handful of phone calls over the past month in the aftermath of this relationship ending, but she had been pretty detached from it. I wasn’t offended, because she had certainly heard enough of the drama in real time… of course she was tired of hearing about it...  but I was feeling especially alone and incapable of handling everything on my own, so the distance was difficult, nevertheless. Then, one day she told me that I was being too much for her. I had too high of expectations. It had been bothering her for a while. She needed me to understand and give her some space.

And this was the completely avoidable beginning of the end of my friendships. Let’s talk about why.

How I perceived it

So, I’m pretty sure you can guess how I took this challenging message from my best friend. Uh, poorly. I was so shocked that in my darkest hour, my comrade would feel like my problems were out of her paygrade. It felt like a stab to the heart and straight down through the gut. Here I was, completely alone and isolated, reaching back to my most trusted companions for a lifeline to keep my head above water, and… nothing. She didn’t want to reel me back into the boat.

I responded with some shitty messages about how I really wasn’t asking that much from her and I didn’t appreciate being blindsided by her sudden decision to get rid of me. I had only taken up a few phone calls to talk things through based on her schedule. I had visited her one weekend as I went to a job interview nearby. I had asked her to come visit me soon, so I could feel less alone for a few days. I didn’t think it was fair that she was responding this way. I couldn’t believe she would turn her back on me at this particular moment.

And so, the rift developed. We stopped speaking. I started sobbing. I was absolutely beside myself, as if I hadn’t already been. This wasn’t what I wanted, at all, but I also felt like I had no control in it.

.......

Like it? Well I’m too lazy to post the whole thing here. Check t-mfrs.com for the full blog AND the podcast recorded version. Yawelcome. 

www.t-mfrs.com 

(Traumatized Motherfuckers)

[bananaofswifts]

Your guide to the singer-songwriter’s surprise follow-up to Folklore.

By

CARL WILSON

When everything’s clicking for Taylor Swift, the risk is that she’s going to push it too far and overtax the public appetite. On “Mirrorball” from Folklore, she sings, with admirable self-knowledge, “I’ve never been a natural/ All I do is try, try, try.” So when I woke up yesterday to the news that at midnight she was going to repeat the trick she pulled off with Folklore in July—surprise-releasing an album of moody pop-folk songs remote-recorded in quarantine with Aaron Dessner of the National as well as her longtime producer Jack Antonoff—I was apprehensive. Would she trip back into the pattern of overexposure and backlash that happened between 1989 and Reputation?

Listening to the new Evermore, though, that doesn’t feel like such a threat. A better parallel might be to the “Side B” albums that Carly Rae Jepsen put out after both Emotion and Dedicated, springing simply out of the artist’s and her fans’ mutual enthusiasm. Or, closer to Swift’s own impulses here, publishing an author’s book of short stories soon after a successful novel. Lockdown has been a huge challenge for musicians in general, but it liberated Swift from the near-perpetual touring and publicity grind she’s been on since she was a teen, and from her sense of obligation to turn out music that revs up stadium crowds and radio programmers. Swift has always seemed most herself as the precociously talented songwriter; the pop-star side is where her try-hard, A-student awkwardness surfaces most. Quarantine came as a stretch of time to focus mainly on her maturing craft (she turns 31 on Sunday), to workshop and to woodshed. When Evermore was announced, she said that she and her collaborators—clearly mostly Dessner, who co-writes and/or co-produces all but one of these 15 songs—simply didn’t want to stop writing after Folklore.

This record further emphasizes her leap away from autobiography into songs that are either pure fictions or else lyrically symbolic in ways that don’t act as romans à clef. On Folklore, that came with the thrill of a breakthrough. Here, she fine-tunes the approach, with the result that Evermore feels like an anthology, with less of an integrated emotional throughline. But that it doesn’t feel as significant as Folklore is also its virtue. Lowered stakes offer permission to play around, to joke, to give fewer fucks—and this album definitely has the best swearing in Swift’s entire oeuvre.

Because it’s nearly all Dessner overseeing production and arrangements, there isn’t the stylistic variety that Antonoff’s greater presence brought to Folklore. However, Swift and Dessner seem to have realized that the maximalist-minimalism that dominated Folklore, with layers upon layers of restrained instrumental lines for the sake of atmosphere, was too much of a good thing. There are more breaks in the ambience on Evermore, the way there was with Folklore’s “Betty,” the countryish song that was among many listener’s favorites. But there are still moments that hazard misty lugubriousness, and perhaps with reduced reward.

Overall, people who loved Folklore will at least like Evermore too, and the minority of Swift appreciators who disapproved may even warm up to more of the sounds here. I considered doing a track-by-track comparison between the two albums, but that seemed a smidgen pathological. Instead, here is a blatantly premature Day 1 rundown of the new songs as I hear them.

A pleasant yet forgettable starting place, “Willow” has mild “tropical house” accents that recall Ed Sheeran songs of yesteryear, as well as the prolix mixed metaphors Swift can be prone to when she’s not telling a linear story. But not too severely. I like the invitation to a prospective lover to “wreck my plans.” I’m less sure why “I come back stronger than a ’90s trend” belongs in this particular song, though it’s witty. “Willow” is more fun as a video (a direct sequel to Folklore’s “Cardigan” video) than as a lead track, but I’m not mad at it here either.

Written with “William Bowery”—the pseudonym of Swift’s boyfriend Joe Alwyn, as she’s recently confirmed—this is the first of the full story songs on Evermore, in this case a woman describing having walked away from her partner on the night he planned to propose. The music is a little floaty and non-propulsive, but the tale is well painted, with Swift’s protagonist willingly taking the blame for her beau’s heartbreak and shrugging off the fury of his family and friends—“she would have made such a lovely bride/ too bad she’s fucked in the head.” Swift sticks to her most habitual vocal cadences, but not much here goes to waste. Except, that is, for the title phrase, which doesn’t feel like it adds anything substantial. (Unless the protagonist was drunk?) I do love the little throwaway piano filigree Dessner plays as a tag on the end.

This is the sole track Antonoff co-wrote and produced, and it’s where a subdued take on the spirit of 1989-style pop resurges with necessary energy. Swift is singing about having a crush on someone who’s too attractive, too in-demand, and relishing the fantasy but also enjoying passing it up. It includes some prime Swiftian details, like, “With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door,” or, “At dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit.” The line about this thirst trap’s “hair falling into place like dominos” I find much harder to picture.

This is where I really snapped to attention. After a few earlier attempts, Swift has finally written her great Christmas song, one to stand alongside “New Year’s Day” in her holiday canon. And it’s especially a great one for 2020, full of things none of us ought to do this year—go home to visit our parents, hook up with an ex, spend the weekend in their bedroom and their truck, then break their hearts again when we leave. But it’s done with sincere yuletide affection to “the only soul who can tell which smiles I’m faking,” and “the warmest bed I’ve ever known.” All the better, we get to revisit these characters later on the album.

On first listen, I found this one of the draggiest Dressner compositions on the record. Swift locates a specific emotional state recognizably and poignantly in this song about a woman trapped (or, she wonders, maybe not trapped?) in a relationship with an emotionally withholding, unappreciative man. But the static keyboard chord patterns and the wandering melody that might be meant to evoke a sense of disappointment and numbness risk yielding numbing and disappointing music. Still, it’s growing on me.

Featuring two members of Haim—and featuring a character named after one of them, Este—“No Body, No Crime” is a straight-up contemporary country song, specifically a twist on and tribute to the wronged-woman vengeance songs that were so popular more than a decade ago, and even more specifically “Before He Cheats,” the 2006 smash by Carrie Underwood, of which it’s a near musical clone, just downshifted a few gears. Swift’s intricate variation on the model is that the singer of the song isn’t wreaking revenge on her own husband, but on her best friend’s husband, and framing the husband’s mistress for the murder. It’s delicious, except that Swift commits the capital offence of underusing the Haim sisters purely as background singers, aside from one spoken interjection from Danielle.

This one has some of the same issues as “Tolerate It,” in that it lags too much for too long, but I did find more to focus on musically here. Lyrically and vocally, it gets the mixed emotions of a relatively amicable divorce awfully damned right, if I may speak from painfully direct experience.

This is the song sung from the POV of the small-town lover that the ambitious L.A. actress from “Tis the Damn Season”—Dorothea, it turns out—has left behind in, it turns out, Tupelo. Probably some years past that Xmas tryst, when the old flame finally has made it. “A tiny screen’s the only place I see you now,” he sings, but adds that she’s welcome back anytime: “If you’re ever tired of being known/ For who you know/ You know that you’ll always know me.” It’s produced and arranged with a welcome lack of fuss. Swift hauls out her old high-school-romance-songs vocal tone to reminisce about “skipping the prom/ just to piss off your mom,” very much in the vein of Folklore’s teen-love-triangle trilogy.

A duet with Dessner’s baritone-voiced bandmate in the National, Matt Berninger, “Coney Island” suffers from the most convoluted lyrics on Evermore (which, I wonder unkindly, might be what brought Berninger to mind?). The refrain “I’m on a beach on Coney Island, wondering where did my baby go” is a terrific tribute to classic pop, but then Swift rhymes it with “the bright lights, the merry go,” as if that’s a serviceable shorthand for merry-go-round, and says “sorry for not making you my centerfold,” as if that’s somehow a desirable relationship outcome. The comparison of the bygone affair to “the mall before the internet/ It was the one place to be” is clever but not exactly moving, and Berninger’s lines are worse. Dessner’s droning arrangement does not come to the rescue.

This song is also overrun with metaphors but mostly in an enticing, thematically fitting way, full of good Swiftian dark-fairytale grist. It’s fun to puzzle out gradually the secret that all the images are concealing—an engaged woman being drawn into a clandestine affair. And there are several very good “goddamns.”

The lyrical conceit here is great, about two gold-digging con artists whose lives of scamming are undone by their falling in love. It reminded me of the 1931 pre-Code rom-com Blonde Crazy, in which James Cagney and Joan Blondell act out a very similar storyline. And I mostly like the song, but I can’t help thinking it would come alive more if the music sounded anything like what these self-declared “cowboys” and “villains” might sing. It’s massively melancholy for the story, and Swift needs a far more winningly roguish duet partner than the snoozy Marcus Mumford. It does draw a charge from a couple of fine guitar solos, which I think are played by Justin Vernon (aka Bon Iver, who will return shortly).

The drum machine comes as a refreshing novelty at this point. And while this song is mostly standard Taylor Swift torrents of romantic-conflict wordplay (full of golden gates and pedestals and dropping her swords and breaking her high heel, etc.), the pleasure comes in hearing her look back at all that and shrugging, “Long story short, it was a bad ti-i-ime,” “long story short, it was the wrong guy-uy-uy,” and finally, “long story short, I survived.” She passes along some counsel I’m sure she wishes she’d had back in the days of Reputation: “I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things/ Your nemeses will defeat themselves.” It’s a fairly slight song but an earned valedictory address.

Swift fan lore has it that she always sequences the real emotional bombshell as Track 5, but here it is at 13, her lucky number. It’s sung to her grandmother, Marjorie Finlay, who died when Swift was in her early teens, and it manages to be utterly personal—down to the sample of Marjorie singing opera on the outro—and simultaneously utterly evocative to anyone who’s been through such grief. The bridge, full of vivid memories and fierce regrets, is the clincher.

This electroacoustic kiss-off song, loaded up with at least a fistful of gecs if not a full 100 by Dessner and co-producers BJ Burton and James McAlister, seems to be, lyrically, one of Swift’s somewhat tedious public airings of some music-industry grudge (on which, in case you don’t get it, she does not want “closure”), but, sonically, it’s a real ear-cleaner at this point on Evermore. Why she seems to shift into a quasi-British accent for fragments of it is anyone’s guess. But I’m tickled by the line, “I’m fine with my spite and my tears and my beers and my candles.”

I’m torn about the vague imagery and vague music of the first few verses of the album’s final, title track. But when Vernon, in full multitracked upper-register Bon Iver mode, kicks in for the duet in the middle, there’s a jolt of urgency that lands the redemptive ending—whether it’s about a crisis in love or the collective crisis of the pandemic or perhaps a bit of both—and satisfyingly rounds off the album.

[genesisrose74]

Karasuno Boys Singing Headcanons!

A/n: By this point I hope that everyone has seen the masterpiece that is Sugawara’s wonderful voice actor singing Under the Sea, which has won the spot in my heart for cutest thing I’ve ever heard. I then proceeded to go off the deep end of Haikyuu voice actors singing and safe to say I was in no way disappointed, so here’s some Karasuno boys singing headcanons! If you have any requests my ask box is open 💖 enjoy!

Daichi

Is it just me or would Daichi not care if someone heard him singing

He seems like the type of person who hums all the time 

Partly because it helps relax him after yelling at the team all day LMAO He doesn’t necessarily sing with lyrics every chance he gets, but when he does he’s pretty casual about it

He’ll sing in the car a lot, and it was actually the first place you heard him

Boy has a soothing playlist for school days and you always like hearing his voice when he drives you in the mornings

Will hum when you’re both doing schoolwork in his or your house

Doesn’t realize he has a good voice, so he never tries to show off all that often in front of people and thus the team has not heard him full out sing yet

So when they does hear him like, actually singing for the first time at the end of practice they’re SHOOK

Tanaka and Nishinoya instantly start spamming you with texts, asking why you hid away such a precious secret for so long

You’re sitting in the library staring at your constantly vibrating phone like ??? doesn’t he sing all the time?

When you end up texting the boys this question they go absolutely feral

At this point Daichi is losing his voice yelling at the team to calm tf down

Suga is cackling in the corner of the team gym cause he been knew

It’s absolutely chaotic literally someone come save Daichi please-

Sugawara

HAHA GET READY BOYS

Official team mom of Karasuno sings all the damn time don’t even get me started

Always humming some upbeat tune doing schoolwork, cleaning up after practice, in the car, etc.

Seriously when is this sweet baby not singing

The team is well aware of this, especially the sideline cheer squad (Yamaguchi, moi ippon nice serve!) 

Tell me he does not make up rhyming cheers under his breath during matches I dare you

Will literally make up a stupid song on the spot to describe whatever he is currently doing or feeling

Hinata bathroom vibes tbh but it’s even more out of the blue

“Got an A on my exam today, and things are going my way”

“Suga, for the love of everything please stop”

“Daichi thinks I’ll listen to what he’ll say, but I’m singing more anyway”

He is always on board with karaoke whenever Karasuno has team bonding nights

One time you are invited to this by Suga himself and he gets up and starts singing a Disney song haha guess which one 

And as often as the team has heard him sing mans is feeling it tonight for whatever reason and y’all can tell

You have never heard anyone sing Under the Sea so passionately before but it’s a gift and you’re not complaining

Asahi

Boy is so insecure oh my gosh please give him some support

Very shy about singing in front of anyone and everyone

The only time you’ve ever heard him sing was when you were over at his house and he was taking a shower

You had gone downstairs to get a snack from the kitchen and when you come back up he’s singing alongside one of his playlists

You don’t know if it’s because of the steam and the solid acoustics in the bathroom but he doesn’t sound half bad

You try not to startle him as soon as he gets out because you know how flustered he’d get

But then a while later while y’all are studying on his bed you just casually bring it up like ‘You have a nice voice, Asahi’ and that’s all

He’s a little shocked at first that you heard him but kind of smiles and sighs in relief because you liked his singing!! 🥺

Precious teddy bear is totally happy for the rest of the week, like that’s how much your praise means to him sdlkgjfdjsof he’s too cute

Eventually warms up to humming little tunes around you

He’s really blushy when he does but you pretend not to notice for his sake lmao

It makes you so warm inside that he feels comfortable enough to let you hear him

Ennoshita

In this house we do not sleep on Ennoshita

As much as he is the mom of the second years he will flaunt his stuff whenever he gets the chance and this is one of those times

If a generic pop song is on at literally any point in time and he hears it, damn right he’s going to sing 

When it comes to singing Ennoshita is hands down the most chaotic no question about it

Sometimes he’ll actually sing a verse pretty decently

And then the next line is just the embodiment of a dumpster fire and he does not care

These are the only times that Tanaka and Noya get irritated with him and not the other way around

But Ennoshita doesn’t give a shit, he’s so cheeky

Like he’ll be walking through the mall and a banger of a song like Fergalicious comes on over the speakers? You’re done for

Even if he doesn’t know the lyrics at certain points, or deadass does not know any of them at all, he’ll just power through

If there is a sports banquet complete with dancing and music and the team attends, Ennoshita is tearing up the floor and singing his heart out

Honestly you’re a little scared to interfere cause what is he even doing-

He has made quite a few friends from opposing teams with his frankly lunatic level energy

I’m looking at you Oikawa, Tendou 

Tanaka

ANIME. INTROS.

He sounds EXACTLY like that opening singer from Bungou Stray Dogs I wonder why

No but actually we all heard his little song in season one, when he’s late and walking to the gym like what a king-

In summary he is a pretty good singer 

Most definitely a frequent participant during team karaoke nights and everyone enjoys his little performances

When he realizes that girls actually like guys who can sing he starts using this to his advantage 

And surprisingly it ended up working

You’re out at karaoke with some friends one night and you hop outside to get some more food for your group when you hear somebody slaying Rough Diamonds; your mind instantly goes to Food Wars

It catches your interest and then you realize...this dude goes to your school? You are positively whipped

He sees you from the doorway and when he realizes you’re enjoying the song he amps it up another three notches

Achievement get: girlfriend 

Karaoke dates and other such outings happen often, thank you very much

As much as he enjoys singing he does not overdo it like Ennoshita, who has been limited to three songs per night every time the group goes out, please for the sake of everyone’s eardrums

Nishinoya

As Tanaka’s best friend and as the co-president of simps everywhere, Nishinoya is another common singer during karaoke nights

Having fun and maybe picking up a cute girl at the end of it all? That’s literally his life agenda

He either goes for the badass, headbanging songs that are super energetic, or he jams out to the generic and famous pop groups’ songs

There is no in between

Noya has a slightly deeper singing voice but sometimes he’ll go for the stupid high notes for fun and just...completely fails

The fact that he has never successfully hit one of those notes doesn’t deter him in the slightest though; his goal is to get there at least once before he dies

He can sing so many popular TikTok audios and you can’t decide whether to be impressed or slightly disappointed with that fact

Noya doesn’t really sing at practice just because he’s focused, but when he’s walking home or getting food from Sakanoshita afterwards he might start randomly singing something

The type of person who has like a billion different playlists on his phone for the most obscure moods (honestly same Noya)

Like there’s one named “Bad Test Grade But I Won a Free Popsicle Kind of Feeling” don’t even ask 

Will put on a concert in his room and perform a whole lineup of these songs for you

Sometimes you think it’s just so he can avoid doing schoolwork but you let him get away with it occasionally

cause you’d never tell him but it’s so entertaining and kinda hot what

Tsukishima

OH GOD THIS BOY

I swear you have tried time and time again to figure out whatever the hell kind of music he listens to with those chonky headphones of his but you have never successfully completed that mission

There are only two - count em, TWO - instances where you have ever witnessed this embodiment of a salt shaker doing anything resembling singing

Number one was a literal meme TikTok where you were using Beyond the Mysterious Beyond from Land Before Time as your audio

You didn’t expect Tsukki to recognize it at all 

But he’s in the top corner of your phone screen and he is deadass LIP SYNCING EVERY WORD and you’re SENT INTO ORBIT 

DOES HE STUTTER? NOPE

Should have expected that Mr. Dinosaur Obsessed would have watched Land Before Time and loved the all the bops

That video is forever saved in your drafts because he’d literally end you if that went public but you refuse to completely get rid of it

Second time, our french fry child actually sings because Yamaguchi forces him to do a song with him lmao

It only lasts for about three verses but it’s all anyone has heard from him before and is therefore a blessing from above

If anyone has heard these two singing Sarishinohara on YouTube you know what I’m talking about if not look it up it’s an absolute gift 

Literal perfection in a duet like?? Everyone is depressed when they realize that Tsukki’s voice had been hidden from the world until that very moment

We will cherish this short taste of Singing! Tsukki for all time amen 😔🙏

Yamaguchi

Like Asahi, this precious bean is also shy about his singing 

But he will sometimes get a burst of confidence if he’s having a really good day or if someone is singing with him

When those moments arrive they are wonderful 

He sounds like an angel, not even exaggerating he’s just so pure

Has a very light tone no matter how the song originally sounds and it’s really soothing to be honest

When his little bouts of confidence wear off please for the love of God praise him in any way shape or form, it makes him feel good about himself 

On team bus rides to games, he and Yachi will sometimes sing fun tunes together to calm each others’ nerves and it’s incredibly precious

Tsukki will send you videos of this pregame ritual and you have a folder reserved for them in your camera roll 

Everyone say thank you Tsukki

He will sing for you if you’re feeling super down about something because he knows you love it 

Never fails to calm you down and cheer you up, and Yams knows in those moments that he would gladly sing for the rest of his life if it made you smile

We stan one soft, talented bean sprout 

Kageyama 

Another stubborn boy when it comes to singing in front of other people

He will hum on rare occasion but don’t expect much more

You start to realize that whenever he does start humming, though, it’s always the same song, so one day you ask him about it

It’s a song his grandfather used to sing to him when he was little and he uses it to calm himself down

You almost start crying on the spot because you know how much his grandpa meant to him 

Kags says there were lyrics to it but he doesn’t remember them besides a few random words scattered here and there

It becomes your personal mission to find the rest of the lyrics because you’ll be damned if your precious baby goes another day without hearing them again

Finally after countless obscure Google searches you find the song 

But you don’t know how to casually bring up the fact that you had spent hours obsessively looking for them into a conversation-

So one day you’re hanging out with Kageyama, but he’s been in an awful mood all week, and you decide to start singing the song that his grandpa used to but including the lyrics

And when he recognizes the words and puts the chorus together, he instantly relaxes and starts singing it with you

He is so touched and thankful that he can finally recall the song in its entirety, and now you both sing said song to each other whenever the other is feeling down

I love him so much my heart-

Hinata

When you find out he can sing you’re absolutely floored

Literally the only time in his life that Hinata can successfully speak English words and it’s in a song? And it’s coherent?? It’s a miracle

The whole team gets on his ass about sucking at English in class but being able to obliterate those lyrics when they come up in a song and the poor tangerine gets all huffy

hE’s tRyiNg HiS bESt oKaY                

His range is SO GOOD THOUGH WHAT-

You’re in the middle of a store with him and he’s been occasionally singing along to the music from the speakers and at this point you’re not even surprised at how good he sounds

But then he just starts singing in falsetto

BOI- When I say your jaw is on the floor I am not playing games 

The power he holds is beyond comprehension

He’s looking at you confused like did he do something wrong?

When you proceed to flip out over how great he just sounded baby gets so embarrassed how cute

Again, one of those people who just doesn’t know their gift and it makes him even more precious 

I would kill to have his capabilities like imagine the talent; if that whole volleyball thing doesn’t work out there’s also the music industry sir-

In conclusion: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS SUNSHINE A MIC THANK YOU

[nowis-scales]

Pre-Verdant Wind Endgame Update

An Update on the ol’ Three Houses Verdant Wind playthrough, since I’ve been neglecting documenting my journey properly for a bit:

• My current placement is Ch.20, so I’m only a few chapters away from the last one. It’s kind of a weird thought because I feel like I just hit the timeskip, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this will feel well-paced out. In terms of writing, I’m known for being a bit of a stickler for good flow. It’s why all of my fanfics take so long to update! I have to make sure my flow is perfect.

• The fact that they have been giving background information on characters has been so amazing. Learning that Raphael’s sister’s name was Maya and getting to hear about her has made me irrationally happy.

• Also, just generally, holy shit people sleep on Raphael and Leonie. Raphael often gets shoved to the side, and Leonie is treated like her only trait is liking Jeralt, and for me it all just culminates in the question of “so did you like... not do their support conversations, or...?” Seriously. I think Leonie might be one of my favourites in the game so far, and I adore Raph. He’s so sweet!

• The Flame Emperor reveal for some reason gave me “and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids” vibes. I liked the venom Cherami Leigh had there as Rhea, too. I think I read from someone that in Japanese, Rhea’s actually super calm in that scene. I don’t think I have a preference towards the anger or the calmness, honestly. I think I just liked how smoothly the emotion came across. Plus, I’m a little biased, I’m fond of Cherami as an actress. I haven’t found a performance from her I haven’t enjoyed yet.

• I was really confused as to why Seteth showed up in my house after Chapter 12ish I think? I wasn’t expecting him to just be there after the paralogue, but I definitely wasn’t unhappy. I do like him! I just never use him, because I recruited Bernadetta and Sylvain, so I kinda have a full roster going... 

• I was also confused in the Gronder Field fight because I couldn’t see what people meant about Bernie getting set on fire. Then I remembered Bernie wasn’t on the hill because she was with me. I recruited her. Whatever this proves about me, I don’t know.

• I did end up beating Marianne’s paralogue! It actually wasn’t as hard once I levelled her up a bit and classed her to a Holy Knight. The big thing with her in that paralogue seems to be that she needs a decent amount of power and movement to really get by, so that’s what I’d recommend for anyone else playing it. Using rescue will also probably help you out, but I tried to avoid using Flayn there because it’s kinda easy to kill her. 

• Admittedly, I’m not 100% sure how I feel about the support system. In some ways, I think it’s better that not everybody has that forced S-Support. Oftentimes we were either squeezing a love confession out of two characters who were unlikely to have one, or characters with decent potential might get snubbed because their connection was less apparent to the writers (and unfortunately that still does happen in the case of same sex S-supports in 3H). Having the conversations only go to a certain point is helpful, but at the same time, the inherent romantic undertones of several of the A-supports do make things feel strange. If it weren’t for the fact that I know characters can have only one partner as their paired ending, I would think lots of them were in a polycule. Nothing wrong with that as long as everyone’s comfortable, but because I know they can only have one person in their ending, I find it pretty jarring.

• I think it was interesting that they went to do the fights for breaking into Enbarr and then taking down Edelgard back-to-back. I’m glad they did, honestly, because while I don’t usually like to do two fights next to each other unless I’m grinding, it doesn’t mess with the suspension of disbelief. It would be stupid to break into Enbarr and then just run right back to the Monastery.

• I have still not completed the randomized quest from just after the timeskip. You know, the one I was yelling about with the weeds? Still haven’t gotten any weeds. I think I might just have to give up on it. It’s hilarious that my luck is so good that it’s actually bad.

• The fact that Byleth is praised for having more of a personality than Corrin is the biggest slice of bullshit I have heard from this fanbase in a long time. Byleth is literally designed to be a silent protagonist with nothing going on with them – they even came up with a story reason for why Byleth is such a blank sack of meat! In the kindest way possible, I don’t think most people realize that they are implementing whatever personality they want onto Byleth. Personally, I don’t find anything relatable about being stoic, calm, and not inclined to anyone (until plot happens, of course). I’ve always been the overly enthusiastic and caring type, with a tendency towards nervousness. Trying to relate to Byleth was like trying to relate to the experiences of a cactus. While I definitely don’t think Corrin is the strongest of the modern FE avatars – that award goes to Robin – they still had some things I could understand and relate to. If you’re not the type of person who loves the cool, “I fight for my friends” types like Ike, though, you’re likely to have a hard time relating to Byleth. If you can manage that type of character, then you’re more likely to have present them with a personality of their own.

• Actually, while we’re on the topic of Byleth getting praised for things Corrin got dragged for, the fact that Corrin is still cited as the character who receives the most “player pandering” is ridiculous too. Do a lot of characters like Corrin? Yeah! But most of them who do are deeply traumatized in a way that inclines them specifically towards Corrin. The Nohr siblings cling to each other due to their abusive childhood, the Hoshido siblings all in some capacity seem to suffer from abandonment issues (oldest) and/or attachment issues (youngest), and the official foursome of retainers have also had some sort of abandonment struggle in their past (forced separation from parents, murdered loved ones). While the cast of Three Houses needs therapy and is traumatized too, there is no reason why the inclination moves towards Byleth. Bernadetta feels safe around them just because. Edelgard is obsessed with them just because. Marianne learns to feel better about herself just because. Why are there so many exceptions for Byleth, and so many just without explanation? I don’t hate Byleth by any means, but these two things make my opinion of them lower than it would be otherwise. It kinda sucks that my image of Byleth is tainted by the fanbase’s hypocrisy, but I know I can’t have everything.

• The gameplay overall for 3H has been pretty fun! I love the addition of the Demonic Beasts, as annoying as they are to fight. There’s a charm to having some of your stronger units working to take on the soldiers blocking the path, meanwhile your army’s more intermediate strikeforce works to keep them safe by bringing down the beast. Once you get the hang of it, gameplay with the new additions is fun. The only thing I don’t use is Divine Pulse, but that’s because I’m on Casual and usually when I want to rewind, I want to just plain start over. So I use the old “turn off and start again” trick.

• Edelgard’s death scene was actually pretty good. I must confess that I went out of my way to avoid Edelgard in the academy phase, as I knew how hard the game was going to hit me with the “she’s obessed with you” thing and I wanted to see how wonky it would feel if I didn’t speak to her much. I was right that it’s incredibly awkward in terms of writing when you haven’t spent the time with her, but surprisingly, her death scene still holds up. Good voice acting, animation, and music. My only beef with it is something they have done in FE before, and it’s something I wish they’d stop. If a character is dying, you either let them have a few last breaths after their last lines or you kill them mid-sentence. It’s probably just a personal nitpick, but hearing them get their last word out without struggle and then immediately die just makes me aware of how badly the directors wanted the whole line to be in there. I can totally understand it but I find it so troublesome in the grand scheme of things that I just can’t.

• I also like that in the fight against Edelgard, they tried to make it ambiguous who had the key. Immediately as it told me that, I decided it was Petra and ended up being right. I was kind of sad to kill her though, to be honest. I don’t know her well, but she’s probably one of the Eagles I like more.

• The fight against the Death Knight at Fort Merceus ended up being surprisingly pretty easy. In fact, while I paved the way for most of my army, Nader ended up making it to the Death Knight just as Claude did. He did most of the damage – I’m not kidding, the Death Knight was down to 1 HP – and then Claude took care of the rest. It was a weird fight. They said impregnable a lot leading up to it.

• I understand why they kill Dimitri off-screen at the Gronder Field fight, but I was admittedly a bit disappointed. Again, Salli Saffoti does a good job doing Hilda’s voice for it, but I would have liked to see it animated. It was also nice to have that little rapport with Dedue! If only we could have allied with the Lions a bit more. Everyone always says Claude and Edelgard have similar goals; however, it’s their methods that differ. Claude seems to align himself a bit closer to Dimitri, so I’m usually a bit confused by the idea that Edelgard and Claude would work together. I was spoiled on enough to know her background and story, and even so, I think that her methodology is just a bit too violent for his tastes. But that’s just my two cents.

 Alright. I think that’s about all I can drain out of my brain from the top of my head. With that, I am off to kill the slithers! We’ll see how this goes. Wish me luck!

[cynicaldesire]

So what are your thoughts on season 4? Lay them on me!

My husband and I binged the entire Season 4 over the course of the weekend. We watched 6 episodes, then the last 4. We had a lot of feelings on it for a lot of reasons, mostly because I’m a writer, my husband is an artist, and we’re both critics because we have created work in the past.

My husband’s final rating was 6/10, wouldn’t watch it again but he wanted to give credit to the animators and staff that worked on it. I said I would give it a 4/10. It was so... disappointing. I’m gonna go on a bunch of rants about why I was displeased, so if you want to maintain your positive experience, you don’t have to continue.

So, before I get into the writing, I just want to point out that the sound design, music, and voice acting were all either poorly mixed because of COVID in-home booths or just shitty. The music didn’t pop off with any homages to actual game music and I couldn’t hear it most of the time. The voice acting of most of the cast was pretty great, but I hate Alucard’s voice. The murmuring breathy whispers of most of the cast is just annoying to me, but that’s a personal preference, I know. But a lot of other things didn’t have proper weight or punch to match what was happening.

The animation was also wildly inconsistent. My husband pointed out, again, COVID, so the animators were all probably working from home on deadlines and the Art Director, the guy meant to keep all the art on-model and consistent, probably wasn’t available to check work and send it back to the animators for changes. Or, there wasn’t sufficient time between when the animators sent there work in for changes to be requested. Don’t get me wrong, like with the voice cast, some of the animation was fucking sick, but it was just weighed down by all the poorly masked 3D shortcuts or off-model art.

(One of the things I kept thinking of when gore would happen was the Mortal Kombat devs that got PTSD from having to look at images of gore for the Fatalities. And I was like this isn’t worth all that. Fuck.)

Greta was fine, but she seemed flat. I’ve made her character before and been disappointed in how cool and nonchalant she is. She seems to be too good and relaxed at everything going on. That might’ve been the voice actor, but honestly? She fell flat for me. I didn’t not like her, she just didn’t feel very... well written? Like I said, she reminded me very much of a character I would make at first pass. And while I don’t mind or disagree with the choice to make her a love interest or even a close friend of Alucard, there was not enough buildup for it. Probably because she felt so flat to me.

Overall, on the writing front, I will say that it felt very... first draft. Like no one had an opportunity to look it over and say “Maybe don’t give Saint Germain’s whole motivation and backstory in episode 3?” Or not telegraphing the Death inclusion, or like... There’s so much that was just so poorly handled to me. There’s so many ways I personally would have done it differently or how it could’ve been handled better. There were so many characters that just stated their motivations and repeated them over and over again.

Isaac: ends last season hating humanity and having no reason to challenge that belief. Hates Hector for betraying Dracula. Full of hate and rage. This season: Opens with all his Night Creatures repairing a city, earing berries, and completely at peace with his past and his life. Flyseyes is there for ONE scene and never heard from again. And Isaac literally goes from that to invading Carmilla’s castle to DISAPPEARING. WHY?

The sequence with Isaac invading Carmilla’s castle was hilarious, too. Who the fuck is the hot demon? Some demon from the Wiki. Whomst were the fuckin human blokes with crossbows? Literally just human blokes with crossbows that they hired from a town somewhere else because apparently they didn’t have enough forces??????? The ring Hector ends up cutting off is never actually shown to force him to do something against his will? The fucking slave ring is also openly displayed in a bunch of other places and never utilized. It’s a useless McGuffin.

Carmilla descended into madness, or progressed through her logical steps violently due to solitude? And then when Lenore asks her what her motivations are, Carmilla tries to be coy and not answer the question so they end up having the same dialogue like 4 times? Lenore is somehow SURPRISED? Like, all of these people were human at some point, and that shit is never addressed, or if it is, it’s not remembered.

Hector was also here. He made a night creature, helped Isaac kill Carmilla - why did she explode so violently? - and then chilled in the castle the rest of the time. Like, nothing bad happened to him other than his finger. Which, show his hand every time he’s on screen, remind the audience of his injury. Isn’t it cool and edgy and shocking?

Saint Germain being just a shitty carnal entity was boring. He had a girlfriend he wanted to save so he could get laid, SNORE. When they showed her, she looked like Maria from Symphony of the Night, which has an ending that heavily implies her and Alucard hook up, so I was irritated that they coopted her appearance for this woman with no speaking lines that led Saint Germain to the Infinite Corridor.

Like, everything around Saint Germain’s story was pretty cool. If they hadn’t shown up literally in episode 3 through a sudden flashback his story and his motivations and also he’s the villain, the mystery of what he was doing was interesting. And for it to all just be told to us upfront? And then he just fucking died?

I had no fucks to give for Varney/Death. Death is not mentioned at any point before this season, he shows up seemingly randomly at the end as the Big Bad, and he’s just a big skeleton asshole. Ratko was at least a little interesting, but also wtf was he there for?

I also didn’t much care for Zamfir. I felt like there should’ve been two characters in her place. If one of them was crazy and the other was following their orders without knowing they were crazy? Cool. If she was crazy and didn’t ACKNOWLEDGE she was crazy? Better than what we got. The knights and the Underground Court and all the shit with Targoviste? Boring. Because, specifically, it demands a lot of suspension of disbelief that I didn’t have at that point.

Who the fuck was Dragan? What were all the monsters attacking the castle? Awful convenient for Alucard to have a shield now. He also had a bunch of skill from the SotN game, like the wolf form and the winged cape. Why did that one vampire have big bat wings and never again? Why did Varney call like literally everybody on the mirror phones? Why did he know to do that? Why did Saint Germain know him? WHERE DID TREVOR GET THE OTHER WHIP?

Trevor and Sypha were honestly probably the best handled. Sypha was herself but bigger and stressed. Trevor was also very tired and still a monster hunter. My husband was very happy with the “We’re just two sides of the same coin” philosophy Trevor had with Death, like Geralt feeling like a monster because he’s a Witcher. The idea that they aren’t exactly human and cause so much death but to the monsters. He wanted that explored. I was too busy being frustrated at the huge flashy animation fight to even remember that Trevor had said anything like that.

The magical weapons in Targoviste were cool plot devices. Much like with Varney and the mirrors and so many other things, it felt like they were there because the plot demanded it, not because there was some natural story for it outside of when Trevor and Sypha showed up.

But the single most disappointing thing was Vlad and Lisa living at the end. They didn’t want to see Alucard, absolute shit move regardless of their reasoning. The fact that they still went by Vlad and Lisa Tepes was bound to get back to Alucard somehow. And I... Being in Japan and engaging with a lot of Japanese media, I understand the way they use God is similar to the way they use Spirits, or Kami or something. God being used by a Western author makes it so wildly different. But I’m also... pretty against the idea of God in general, so the whole idea that “God” said Dracula and Lisa deserved a second chance is boring. Like, there’s so much wrong with this ending. It was only there for the shippers, probably.

Anyway. 4/10, wouldn’t watch again.

[bunnimew]

Subtle Tells and Coral Bells

Rating: T Fandom: Rise of the Guardians  Relationship: Jack Frost/Pitch Black Characters: Everyone else Tags: Hanahaki Disease, Humor, Fluff, Because it's me Chapter: 1/3? Summary:  For RotG Halloween 2020: Day 5 @rotg-halloween

Jack doesn't know what it means when he's just talking to Jamie like normal and then suddenly coughing up petals, which is definitely *not* normal, but he hopes the other Guardians will.

Whatever it is, it's gotta be an easy fix, right?

Right?

On AO3 Here.

-o-

Jack laughed as Pitch wiggled his hips in a way that was equal parts sexy and ridiculous. Nothing was helped by the fact that the man was a beanpole and the only shape to him was his ass. 

“If I tell Jamie to do that, he’ll never speak to me again.”

Pitch waved him off. “Jamie’s a child. Their memories are remarkably short.”

Jack shrugged. “I dunno, Pitch. Jamie’s a teenager now. They can hold a grudge.”

“Well, what’s he expecting, then? Asking a spirit to teach him to dance?”

Jack stood and made his way over to where Pitch had been demonstrating some ‘moves.’ “He’s thinking I’ve been around three hundred years and I should have figured this out by now.” Which, “And he’s not wrong.”

Pitch rolled his eyes and took Jack’s hands in his, guiding him into a gentle sway. “Not everyone likes to dance. I can’t even count the number of simple nightmares I’ve brought that were nothing more than forcing someone to dance when they didn’t want to.”

Jack stared at their feet, focused on trying to match his steps to whatever soundless beat Pitch was moving to. “I mean, I like to dance. I just do more of a ‘Nymph in the woods’ thing than a ‘highschool Halloween dance’ kinda thing.”

Pitch smiled at him indulgently. “And it’s beautiful to watch, Jack.”

Jack snorted and accused, “Flirt.”

“You can’t blame an old spirit for trying,” Pitch said, and Jack interrupted.

“Yes I can.”

But Pitch continued as if he’d said nothing. “The most important thing will be not letting his head get in the way. To dance, you must move, and to move, you must not freeze.”

“I better steer clear, then.”

Pitch let go of Jack’s hand to swat his arm. “Are you trying to help the boy or not, Jack?”

Jack bit his lips to temper his smile and grabbed Pitch’s hand again. “Sorry, sorry. It’s really hard for me to take things seriously.”

“We,” Pitch said with a straight face, “literally all of us, already know that.”

“Okay, so, I tell him to not think too hard, and then what?” Jack was staring at their feet again. “Are you thinking of a particular song right now?”

Pitch hummed and shook his head. “No, just a basic one, two, three, four… Every song follows the same sort of count, just at different tempos. For example,“ Pitch continued to count out loud as he led Jack through a step and a twirl and a spin. “You could fit that into almost any song, as long as you set the steps to the appropriate beat.”

Jack closed his eyes and let Pitch lead him. His center was feeling so fulfilled and warm right now. Whatever Pitch might have said about not everyone liking to dance, both of them certainly enjoyed it, even if Jack had no idea how to dance with someone else after three centuries on this earth. At least, not to this millenia’s standards. 

This was how Pitch felt when he was out scaring people. When he was scaring Jack. Nothing like a quiet night to remind Jack how lucky he was that his center was something people generally liked. 

Jack finally opened his eyes again to find Pitch had twirled them all around the forest clearing they were standing in. His conclusion? Jamie ought to just find someone else who was good at this and let them handle the rest. Clearly Jack didn’t have to be good at all, as long as his partner was. 

“I’m not sure how to tell Jamie how to do this.” Also, Jack was pretty sure high school dances didn’t involve ballroom this much.

Pitch didn’t seem concerned. “Probably best to just remind him that in ten years, nobody is really going to care what he looked like dancing on Halloween. Those sort of nightmares are only effective through high school. About half-way into college, nobody gives half a shit anymore. Then the nightmares are about crying their way through tests and forgetting vital pieces of paperwork. Humans have very specific priorities, Jack.”

Jack laughed and stumbled despite Pitch basically carrying him through the dance. Pitch was pretty great for keeping Jack’s perspective down to earth. The other Guardians would definitely have let him get caught up in the hopes and dreams and ideas of perfect nights and fantastic dates. 

Sometimes, when everything goes wrong, that’s when you have the most fun.

“Alright, that’s fair,” Jack said. “I still think he’s going to call me a traitor for not actually teaching him anything.”

Pitch stopped and gave Jack an innocently wide-eyed look. “But I thought you were used to that?”

Jack dropped his jaw. The nerve of this man. It was Jack’s turn to let go and smack Pitch. “That was your fault!”

Pitch cackled. Actually cackled. Jack called himself a traitor for finding it at all attractive. “You can’t just blame everything on me, Jack. When are you going to take some personal responsibility?”

Jack snorted. “I take plenty of responsibility for the shit I actually do, Pitch. Half of North’s elves will never be the same and that is entirely my doing. Now shut up and teach me how to dance, Old Man.”

Pitch scoffed, but obligingly lifted his arms up toward the moon and swayed to an unheard beat, beginning yet another explanation about how it was all in the music.

-o-

Jamie stared at Jack with such an expression of unimpressed disappointment that Jack kind of wanted to hop out the window, come back in, and re-try this whole conversation. 

“That’s not how you dance, Jack.”

Jack threw up his hands. “I told Pitch you wouldn’t like it, but that was all he’d give me!” He sighed and leaned back against Jamie’s desk, littered with notebooks and writing utensils, at least six pencil can’s worth. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I was a teenager three hundred years ago. We danced differently back then.”

But Jamie was giving him a Look. One of those Teenager Specials complete with the ‘Are you stupid?’ furrow and the ‘Excuse me, what?’ chin drop. Apparently Jack had said something unacceptable. 

“What?”

“You asked Pitch?” 

Oh. Well. Jack hadn’t meant to admit that. 

“I mean,” he tried to explain, “he dances a lot more than me. Pitch actually, like… tries.” 

Jamie rolled his eyes and Jack knew he was lost. “That doesn’t mean you ask the Boogeyman about it! What kind of dance does he do, anyway? The monster mash?”

Jack felt his brows come together. “Is that a dance?” Kids came up with fads so fast, but Jack shook his head because that wasn’t important. “I mean, he does them all? He told me everything I told you.”

Jamie put a perfect mockery of impressed on his face. “And that was so much.” 

The kid had a point, but Jack wasn’t going to tell him that. “He knows a lot, I swear! It’s just that most dances are ballroom, and neither of us thinks that’s going to come up at your high school Halloween dance.”

Jamie did that thing where he rolled his eyes and left them there, like something on the ceiling was exasperating him. “Yeah, I guess…”

Jack laughed. “I miss when you used to think I was so cool.” 

Jamie’s exasperation was focused all on Jack now, but so was a smile. “Yeah? And I miss when you didn’t tell the Boogeyman everything.” 

Jack gave Jamie a fond, but unamused look. “Now you’re just being bratty.”

“I am,” Jamie admitted. He threw his hands up in the air and leaned back on his bed. “But I’m just so nervous, Jack! It’s a big dance! I don’t wanna look like an idiot in front of everyone!”

“You’re not going to,” Jack assured, “Besides, no one’s really gonna care about what happened at this dance in five years.”

Jamie dragged his hands back down into his lap and stared. “Did Pitch tell you that?”

Jack offered a sheepish smile. “Yes?”

Jamie gave Jack the same kind of look one might give a cat with its head stuck in a tissue box and the tissue box stuck on a corner. A little helpless and a lot adoring. “Pitch said this, Pitch said that,” Jamie mocked, “I thought you had more than one friend, Jack?”

“I do!” Jack defended himself. “What, did you want me to ask North how to dance? Sandy?”

Jamie laughed and shook his head very fast. “Nono, please, no! I’m sure it’s very impressive, but I don’t need to learn how to dance with swords!”

Jack shrugged one shoulder and delighted in how he could still knock Jamie out of his bad moods. “Better not ask Tooth either, then.”

Jamie was well on his way to a proper giggle fit. “No, that would be awful. Better ask the King of Nightmares, instead!”

It was Jack’s turn to throw his hands up. “I told you! He actually dances!”

“Yes, yes, of course!” Jamie said. “I’m sure he’s fantastic at twerking.”

Jack snorted so hard he almost hurt himself. But then something seemed to catch in his throat, and he coughed to clear it, then coughed again when it didn’t quite clear. 

Jamie had stopped laughing at the second cough, and was looking properly concerned now. “Jack, are you alright?”

Jack just shook his head, because his throat felt so thick with something that he didn’t think he could get any words past. He could breathe just fine, but it felt… 

Jack coughed harder, trying to force his throat clear, and it finally worked, but he didn’t feel any better. Any and all feelings of success and relief died at the sight of four delicate flower petals drifting softly to the floor.

“...Jack?” 

Jamie’s voice shook Jack back into the moment. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring for so long, but Jamie was all the way at the end of his bed now, bare feet on the carpet, looking down at the same puzzling petals that had Jack in such a stupor. 

“What are those?”

Jack slowly lifted his shoulders in a helpless sort of shrug. “Flower petals? I think?”

Jamie looked right up at him, not amused in the least. “They came out of your mouth.” 

Jack bit his lip and chewed nervously. They had, and he had no idea why. “I know.”

“Is that normal?”

Jack shook his head, but then shrugged again. “I don’t know? Jamie, I’m like, really young when it comes to spirits. Maybe this just happens every three hundred years. I haven’t seen it before, but that… doesn’t really mean anything.”

Jamie nodded, and Jack was relieved that he seemed to believe him. “I hope you’re okay.”

For all that Jamie was a moody teenager, he was still a really good kid. “Yeah, me too. Hey, you should get to sleep, so you can practice your dance moves in the morning. I’m gonna go ask around about… this. Alright?”

Jamie took one last dubious look at the petals on the floor, then slid back in his bed to the headboard. “Yeah, alright. Let me know what they say, okay?”

Jack smiled. It was easy to smile at Jamie. “Of course. I’ll be back real soon. I promise.”

[imnotwolverine]

Dear Bear

Henry Cavill x OC Lisa - multi-chapter fic

Author’s note: Oh this chapter is so sad. I’m sorry - but could not keep it from you all the same. Also, on a side-note: I’ve finally created a masterlist and baptised this storyline to go by the name ‘Tea for Two’. 

Word count: 4.706

Disclaimer: angst, sadness, fluff, party drugs

---

This is part 7 of the Tea for Two story.

Find the masterlist here.

--

< Go back to part 6

November 1st. I held the paper calendar in my hand, looking at a picture of the Witcher crew from past year. Everyone happily gathered around a large buffet celebrating Thanksgiving. It did not take long to spot Henry on the far right, looking overly excited, his arms raised in joy while looking straight at the camera. Not surprising, since he was a foodie for sure. The more food, the merrier the Henry. My finger traced his over excited face as I let out a sigh, folding back the previous month and hanging the calendar back on our office wall.

It had been exactly 3 weeks since I last saw him and I hated every single day of it. Not only had it been crazy busy at work now production was nearing its end (the time pressure to finish the season was on and the press tour had started), it was also hard to find the mental peace and quiet to keep contact with each other. A few minute calls here and there is all we could manage in between our tight schedules. Not enough to really, really talk. And I fully understood that this was just what it would be like sometimes, when dating Henry. It would mean I would have to miss him. Having to miss him, a lot.

I sighed again while plopping down on my chair, brushing my fingers through Kal’s thick fur. He was too fast asleep to even care, yet I was glad to have him there. Henry had left him with me, since it was more peaceful for Kal to not have to travel everyday. Besides, it was good for me to have something so dear to Henry near me at all times. In these three weeks Kal and I had become best buddies, for sure. We found a rhythm of him sleeping next to my side of the bed, waking up with morning cuddles, going for a walk, then eat breakfast together. Next we’d take a cab to work, and he’d be sticking to his side by my feet (at my desk or on set) until we’d get back home again, followed by his big walk, dinner, some working out or reading and.. back to bed. Rinse and repeat.

I sent a picture of Kal sleeping at my feet to Henry, followed by a heart emoji. The message didn’t come through. He probably had bad cell reception again. ‘HEEYyy, I was thinking.’ My colleague awoke me from my intense phone-screen-staring. I looked up. ‘Hmm?’ I said. ‘You know. It’s Friday. We’re off tomorrow. How ‘bout we go out for some drinks. Just a..girls night out?’ My colleague pouted her lips in a pleading look. I laughed half-arsed. ‘Ange, I don’t know..I’m quite..tired actually.’ ‘Oh come on! You sound like an old hag. Besides, Henry’s in Asia now, so he’ll be sleeping by the time you get off. Let’s just have ONE drink. Come on!’ Ange, or Angelica as her full name goes, nodded her head excitedly, in hope that her bobbing head would convince me to also nod in agreement. I looked back at my laptop screen, noticing another 532 unread emails, realising there was no winning any of these fights. Be it working all night, or going for that one drink. ‘Alright then.’ I nodded, shrugging in defeat. ‘GREAAAT. Oh my god I found this great bar that just opened. Such great cocktails. And there’s this..’ She rattled on, making me realise I sure had turned into a bit of a homebird over the past year. In previous years I wouldn’t have hesitated about going out whenever someone suggested it. No matter how busy the workweek, I would always love myself some dancing and sipping on half decent wine. Perhaps it’d be a good thing to go for a night out on the town.

—

Ange came to pick me up at my hotel room. We were just two floors apart, but it was still a sweet gesture. I opened the door, finding her standing there in some very slinky deep blue minidress and dark eye make-up, her waist-long dark hair falling sleekly around her curvy figure. ‘Well, hello minxy.’ I laughed, letting her in. I almost felt underdressed in my simple midi-length black dress with halter neck. She smiled a cheeky grin, then in turn looked me up and down. ‘You don’t look so bad yourself girl.’ She purred, immediately striding towards my small fridge. ’Help yourself.’ I said, already knowing full well she was about to pour us some generous glasses of wine. She came back pressing a glass of rosé in my hands, then plopped down on the small sofa. ‘You know. Perhaps it’s better. Not having any men around. Then we can have some..real..fun!’ She raised up her glass in cheers. I joined her in the sitting corner, sitting down on a small pouf and clinked glasses with her. ‘Do you really feel you can have no fun with men around?’ I asked, sniffling, before taking a large sip of wine.

‘Naaa.. They always have a motive. Double intentions. Blaa.’ She stuck out her tongue before also taking a large swig of the wine. ‘So. Are you still dating that Joseph guy?’ I asked, looking at her as she pulled down her obnoxiously short hemline that kept creeping up. She smiled. ‘I think me and Joseph are…done..for now. Maybe for the odd bit of fun. But he just REALLY wasn’t my type.’ ‘And what is your type then..?’ ‘Oh don��t bother. No men tonight! Just us, ladies, wanting to have a good time, okay?’ She clinked her glass against mine again, stretching out her long neck while smiling a victorious smile. And honestly, I hoped that would be true. The way I knew Ange, there was very little chance she would not, at some point during the night, get desperate for some attention. Attention she’d eventually seek from some tall dark stranger with just the same double intentions. It’d be just another Joseph guy. Another guy who’d disappoint her, pushing her to the point she’d become even more desperate and insecure.

‘Yea..let’s just have some fun.’ I winked, pushing away those thoughts and taking another sip of wine while seeing she had already nearly finished her glass.

—

The club Ange had chosen was, well, interesting. It was Berlinesque in mood. Dark, neon-lit and gritty with lots of bare concrete and sinister looking hipster folk afoot. The music was great though. Deep bass tones that tore through your whole body like a heartbeat, strumming melodies that made your hips shake and balkan-esque folk tunes were thrown in the mix for good measure. We ordered two dark and stormies and wandered to a corner of the club, casually dancing and giggling at some of the other party goers that were obviously a bit further in their drinks. It felt a bit like that matrix club scene, the lights glimmering a green hue over the sweaty, almost gimpy dressed people.  

‘This place feels like a movie set of its own.’ I laughed in her ear. She nodded, sipping her drink, laughing beguilingly. ‘Lots of famous people come here.’ She returned, having to lean into me to make herself heard over the loud beats. ‘Haa..’ I said, looking around me to see if I recognised anyone. No familiar faces. I shrugged. ‘Guess not tonight.’ She took another large swig of her drink, twirling around in happiness. ‘I love this music. I love this!’ She exclaimed, almost pouring some of her drink on the floor while raising her arms. I laughed, following her while she moved onto the dance floor.

We squeezed our bodies through the dancing crowd. The bouncing, sultry bodies around me made me drink with great haste, not wanting to spill any of it on the floor. ‘Another?’ Ange gestured, holding up her not-yet-finished drink. I shrugged. ‘Let me get this round.’ I said, winking at her. She nodded, immediately turning her attention to a handsome man standing next to her. Oh gods. It has already started, I thought, quickly forcing my way to the bar, in order to get back to her as quickly as possible. The bar tender however was more then a little occupied. I leaned against the sticky edge of the bar, looking at the cocktail list hanging on the far back wall.

‘Hello there sugar.’ A deep voice rumbled in my ear. I looked around. A man that could best be described as a balkan viking was leaning into me, smirking a devilish smile. Slightly tanned skin, a beard and brushed back hair that fell over a crisp white shirt. I squinted my eyes at him, deciding what action best to take. ‘You know, you’re cute and all, but.. I’m not interested.’ I said, turning my attention back to the board with chalked-on cocktail names. ‘And you know, you shouldn’t be so mean to me.’ He said, leaning even closer. ‘..Or you might just get set-up..’ His body pushed further into me as his hand painfully wrapped around my neck as he pushed his bearded lips against mine. I instinctively tried to pull away, but before I could even think of such a thing, I saw a large flash. FUCK. NO. FUCK this shit. Photograph. Fuck. I didn’t quite know what to do once he let me go, my cheek already sore from his painful grasp. I gasped, looking from the filthy viking, back to his photographing accomplice. ‘What is wrong with you?!’ I scolded, my voice slightly trembling. The viking man crossed his arms. ‘Oh sugar, no worries. I have a DEAL for you.’

My eyes quickly moved towards the bar tender. He hadn’t seen a thing. To the door man in the far back. Too far away. Fuck. Then I turned around, looking for Ange. And… There was no Ange. Oh no, shit, fuck, no. I quickly grasped for my phone, texting Ange, keeping half an eye on the two smirking idiots in front of me. ‘Where you at?’ I texted. She didn’t respond. No, no, no… My eyes flashed back at the two men, still grinning menacingly, slowly leaning closer towards me. I felt myself almost pant with worry. It couldn’t be this bad right? I was just overreacting. This was nothing. These idiots were just drunk. And Ange probably just went to the toilet. The toilets. I let my gaze fly over my shoulder to the bathroom sign. I turned back towards the men. ‘You know what. I’ll hear your deal in a bit, I really have to go to the toilet. If you’ll excuse me.’ I quickly squeezed myself through a group of drunk men whom were trying to order some beers to get out of the reach of the viking and his henchman, hastily making my way to the toilets. Thankfully there was no queing line.

‘Ange? You here?!’ I exclaimed, offering an apologetic look at some of the girls who gave me a begrudging look while they plastered on some more make-up. No Ange. Dammit. I grasped my phone again. She still hadn’t responded. I looked under the bathroom stalls, seeing if I recognised her feet. Nope. Shit. Dammit! I quickly made my way back to the dance floor, only then recognising her in the crowd. She was surrounded by a whole pack of men. Oh come on Ange, not cool. I squeezed myself in between the men, grasping her arm. She turned around, a wide, slow grin on her face. ‘What?’ She said slightly annoyed. I noticed her eyes were a bit strange, unfocussed. I looked her in the eye. ‘Did you …take drugs?’ I asked, raising my eyebrows. She slurrily laughed. ‘WhaAAATT?!’ She exclaimed, thinking it funny. ‘What what what what…’ She lulled.

‘Ange.’ I folded my hands around her cheeks, trying to make her look at me. ‘We need..to go.. okay?’ Her eyes glazed over as she fell over forwards into my arms. I looked at the men around us. They did not seem to care, they just kept laughing. And it was only now that I noticed how they were touching her, groping her actually. One of their hands firmly squeezing her ass. I gasped. What the ..fuck..was going on. I shot the men a most menacing look as I dragged a half-conscious Ange to a more quiet corner of the club, out of their grasp. Thankfully they didn’t follow.

She was surprisingly heavy as she leaned into me. ‘Whaat….’ She mumbled once more, having difficulty even looking at me. Did someone lace her drink? She surely couldn’t get drunk like this, this fast, right? I desperately pinned her against my body, leaning against the wall for support, then flipped out my phone again. Uber. No rides available at this moment. Oh. Come on. What was this place even. Google. The page kept reloading while I tried to look for a local taxi company. My eyes desperately flew across the room, interlocking with the luring looks of the viking and his accomplice again. I felt tears burn behind my eyes. Okey. I couldn’t fix everything, I guess. But I had to get Ange out of here. Yes. With all my might I dragged her wobbling, half asleep body through the sweating mass of dancing bodies. It seemed like nobody noticed us. Nobody voluntarily moved and it felt like hours before I finally had managed to coach us back to the entrance. I picked up our jackets and after what seemed like days, we got back outside.

The night was freezing cold and gloomy, the stars veiled by thick grey clouds while the occasional gush of rain drops blew in our faces. Ange had fallen asleep by now. A drug induced, hopefully not too uncomfortable, sleep. She was breathing steadily against my chest as we sat on a bench near a bus stop. It’d be another 45 minutes before the next night line bus would stop here, but it was all I could figure out at this point and time. I shivered into my jacket as I squeezed Ange tightly against me, making sure she continued to breath by keeping my left hand on her pulse. With my right hand I opened my phone again. 2.15 am. It wasn’t even that ridiculously late, but it sure felt like it. What time would it be for Henry? 6 hours later. That means… He might be up. Should I text him? I hesitated, opening Whatsapp and noticing I wasn’t the only one thinking that.

Henry is typing…

Morning dear. You’re probably sleeping right now. But look at this *a picture of a large breakfast he had made himself* Made me and my team some breakfast, thought you’d be proud of me ;) I miss you, i miss your cooking, i miss being with you. Give Kal a good hug from me and enjoy your Saturday <3

My lip started to tremble and I felt my eyes sting as long overdue tears started rolling hotly over my ice cold cheeks.

I miss you too :( so so much. :( :( :(

I sent back with half frozen hands.

Can’t sleep?

He responded. I snickered sadly, realising it’d be weird for me to respond so soon, in the middle of the night.

Actually having a seriously messed up night :/

I typed, hesitating to send it. I looked back at Ange and tried to figure what was best. Not tell him? It’s not like he could do anything about it, other then get worried sick. I knew he’d do that. I knew he’d get fed up and feel bad all day. I sighed, deleting the message again. I looked at my screen, thinking of what to type.

You okay babe?

He typed. I instantly felt more tears billow over my cheeks. Oh how I missed him. He had seen me type, then remove it again. Best just come clean. He was no fool. No secrets. I had to tell him.

Having a messed up night. Was going out for drinks with Ange at a club. No fun though. Some idiot laced her drink. Another idiot forced himself upon me :( going home now.

I pressed send and it took about a millisecond before he called me. I answered.

‘Sweetheart..’ I heard his low voice, alongside his footsteps on a stone floor as he probably moved away from his crew whom were now munching away on that breakfast. A door closing. I felt my lips tremble, and decided to just, wait a moment. ‘Sweetheart are you okay?’ He continued. I shook my head no, my lip trembling even more fiercely. ‘..It’ll be okay…’ I said quietly, feeling more tears well up. He could hear me cry. I could hear him choke up in turn. Had he ever even seen me cry? I don’t think he did. At best I’ve had a grumpy day when he was around. No crying though. I felt even more guilty. ‘Are you safe?’ He finally said, his voice laced with worry. ‘I’m safe. Just waiting for the bus.’ ‘Tell me what happened. Is Ange with you? Are there people with you?’ His words tumbled out, making me feel how confused and worried he was. I felt so bad for even telling him. Poor Henry…

‘I’m sorry for crying. Don’t worry. I am safe.’ I sniffled softly, taking another shivery breath. ‘..And Ange is with me, asleep. There’s a few people sitting near us. The bus should be here in a little while.’ I muttered. ‘Don’t be sorry sweetie. Oh..’ I could hear his mind race from the other side of the line. I could hear that door crack open again as someone called for him. ‘I’m sorry guys, can’t join..please.’ His voice sounded tight. The door closed. I could hear him breath out, making me imagine how he’d probably be standing in the hall of his temporary apartment, hesitating at what to say, the phone lingering in his hand. ‘Henry?’ I asked. ‘Yes baby.’ He immediately answered. ‘I’m a big girl. I can handle myself. Please don’t beat yourself up on this.’ I said, trying to keep my voice level. The tears had faded by now, and I was glad I didn’t have to look into those big blue eyes of his. Those surely would have cracked the roaring storm of emotions right open again. We were both quiet for a moment. Until I finally realised what was happening. He was crying. I could hear his muffled cry on the other side of the phone. Oh..no…sweet bear..

My eyebrows knitted together as my eyes drifted to some of the other drunk folk that were leaning on the pavement, waiting for the bus as well. They were not even remotely interested in my call, instead swigging down some more booze from a small drinking container. I drew in a deep breath. ‘Hey bear.’ I said gently, a silent tear rolling down my cheek. ‘Remember the day we met? ..that very humid, sweaty morning in the LA hills? Hmm..I was very much used to being alone then. Solving my own shit. But I guess that changed once I heard Kal panting in those bushes. It all changed when I rang that phone number on his tag. It all changed when I met… you.’ I spoke quietly, reminiscing that moment. I heard him break into even more tears. ‘Henry.’ I continued, ‘I knew that no matter how hard we’d try, we’d sometimes be apart. And it’s hard. And it sucks..’

‘…I miss you so much.’ He finally breathed into the phone, his voice shaky and fragile. ‘I miss you too.’ I said, looking down at Ange as she was quietly sleeping against my chest. I took another deep breath as I heard his breathing also calm a bit. Dear Henry…I thought. Then I heard that darn door open again. ‘You alright mate?’ A voice sounded. More silence, then the door closing again. ‘Please forgive me.’ He finally uttered, quietly. ‘What?’ I asked, not sure what he meant. ‘Forgive me.’ He whispered. ‘What should I forgive you for?’ My voice felt empty. ‘That I make you go through all this. That we have to be apart because of my..work….’ He drew a deep breath. ‘..Fuck this shit..’ He ended quietly. ‘Henry. Bear. That is life. There is naught to forgive. Please bear. I love you. Please hold on.’ I felt shivers run down my spine. Was this how we’d end? The thing that would break us apart? More tears started to well up in my eyes as I heard him cry through the phone. I couldn’t manage any more words, my lip trembling from both the icy cold and my emotions. We were both quiet for a long moment, the only sounds reaching my ears being the draws of shivery breaths as his crying tempered down. My heart was bursting with pain and fear. Please, don’t break up with me. Please please please.

’Never.’ I heard his voice. ‘What?’ I stammered. ‘I would never break up with you.’ He said, his voice more clear then it had been this whole phone call. I realised, belatedly, that I had spoken my thoughts out loud. I closed my eyes. In a way I felt a bit more at ease, but I also felt so very helpless. I wanted to hug him, kiss away his tears, crawl away in his strong arms. I took another shivery breath. His crying had stopped, I think, as his breathing sounded more calm. ‘Babe..’ He started, hesitating. ‘Henry?’ My heartbeat rushed in my chest. ‘..thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me.’ His voice sounded calm and honest. ‘Why..but..of course I trust you..’ Why would he say that? ‘I’ve gotten so used to people hiding their issues from me, because they’re scared it’s too much for me. I care about you. I want to know what’s going on in your life, in your head. I really do.’ He spoke gently. I sucked in a deep breath, a bit overcome with those words. With exes I had often hidden away my feelings and not spoken of my experiences, because I felt embarrassed or simply that it wasn’t a good moment. In the end there barely ever was a good moment and I distanced myself from them until I was more of a mom to them, then a girlfriend. Henry’s words struck a cord I didn’t even know was strung so tightly in my chest. It had snapped, just like that.

‘You still there?’ He asked. ‘Yea. Uh. Sorry. I guess I’ve never had someone say that to me before…hmm.’ I smiled meekly. ‘You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had I think.’ I said, feeling little pangs of joy in my stomach as I heard him chuckle softly. ‘And you..by far the best girlfriend. I don’t want to lose you dear. Please know that…’ His voice swam in my head as my attention was drawn to a bus pulling up to the bus stop. ‘Hen..bear..I’ve got to go. The bus is here. Love you.’ I hung up the phone, awkwardly pushing it back in my pocket before hoisting up Ange, who was still very much knocked out.

At the hotel I hadn’t even bothered to get Ange to her room, instead plopping her on my bed and falling almost instantly asleep besides her, clothed and all. It was about 8 am when I was awakened by an irregularly buzzing phone next to my head. I drowsily looked up, noticing a whole bunch of messages that were popping up. I sat up, seeing Ange had turned on her side, still sleeping. I opened the messages. Long story short. Tickets. He had managed to get me off the schedule for some meetings I’d be having this week and gotten me plane tickets to a few of the next destinations he’d be flying to. Followed with the text. ‘I thought you could maybe answer all those emails in an airplane too?’ I smiled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, before taking a better look at the messages and emails. DARN. First plane would leave tonight. Tonight. That means I’d see him..by breakfast. Oh my. My heart started pounding as I shot out of bed, being greeted by a yawning Kal. ‘Oh KAL! What news I have!’

——

The plane had landed and taxiing to the airport of Gimpo International Airport, Seoul, seemed to take forever. I eagerly looked out of the window, brushing my fingers through Kal’s fur to ease my mind. Just a few more minutes and I’d see him. Oh my. I felt butterflies in my stomach, my heart pounding and my hands clammy. The captain’s iron voice was shrieking through the speakers, but I couldn’t really make much of his heavily accented english. I sat back in the beige seat, keeping my eye trained on the window, barely registering as one of the flight attendees carefully shook me from my stare. ‘Miss? Are you ready?’ I sat up, realising first class could leave the plane first. Like. Right now. I nodded, a quick smile turning on my face as I quickly picked up my bag and followed her, being able to walk straight out after the sealed door was opened.

It got even crazier when I found a small man waiting for me outside the plane. He held up a small clipboard with my name on it, already recognising me before I realised what was going on. ‘Miss! Welcome. Please.’ He reached for my bag, which he took from me. Kal excitedly wanted to jump up at him, making the small man jump back, laughing awkwardly. ‘Bear dog! Ha!’ He said with a cute accent, his eyes squinting in a wide smile. ‘Now, follow me. Quick route.’ He gestured, as his small legs shuffled off in lightning speed. I even had to set a serious pace to keep up with him. Darn fast little man! But on the other hand, I was overly glad he was fast. The faster I’d see Henry. Once more my heart started to pound loudly in my chest as we quickly strided through customs, picked up my bags and he escorted me to the exit hall. Staying at his side of the sliding door he bowed me a goodbye. I thanked him and dragged Kal from him, before Kal could attempt another tackle on the poor man. I swished my suitcase into the exit hall, a happy Kal looking up at me, curious what adventure would be next. But all I had eyes for was him. It was hard to miss him, since he was towering at least a foot over the other people. Wearing his usual incognito sweater, sunglasses and baseball cap, he waved at me. I pulled Kal and my suitcase along, wishing I could just jump into his arms, stifle him with my kisses, heck, I’d make love to him right here if I could.

‘Hi.’ I breathed, slightly out of breath as I halted before him, dropping my suitcase - but thankfully not Kal’s leash. He smiled, quickly pulling me up into one of those big, big bear hugs. ‘Hmmmmmm.’ He hummed, not lowering me down, pushing his nose in my neck, making me giggle. I wrapped my legs around his hip, settling back in his arms a bit so I could remove his sunglasses. Green eyes meet blue eyes. We kissed. Oh how I missed this. Him. His scent. His scruffy chin. His laugh. We kissed and kissed and kissed to the point that Kal was getting impatient, jumping up at us, wanting to get in on the action. We finally let go so Henry could greet his trusty pal. ‘Hi! Hey! Been a good boy? You’ve been a good boy? Oh Kal! Kal! Kal!’ He laughed as Kal rolled on his back, offering Henry his belly to rub to mighty delight. His paw was even kicking in excitement. In between belly rubs Henry looked up at me, his face melting in what I could best describe as pure love. I could have died happily on that spot right there.

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Part 8 >