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the-winter-spider · 1 month

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But Daddy I Love Him: Pt 2 | B. Barnes

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Mentions of abuse

A/N: Okay, so i have a whole thing planned for this story im so excited, especially for the next chapter, so enjoy this cute chapter lol

Masterlist

Part one,

—-

“Buck,” Steve said, gripping his friend’s shoulder. “She had a rough night. She just needs to cool off.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed as he turned to Steve. “It’s 10 PM, Steve. It’s too late for her to be wandering the streets alone.”

“I know, but…”

Bucky cut him off, frustration and concern evident. “That’s exactly why I should go after her. I can’t just let her walk around out there by herself.”

Steve placed a firm hand on Bucky’s chest, trying to calm him down. “Buck, I get it, but chasing after her right now won’t help. She’s hurt and needs some space.”

“When did you become an expert on her feelings?” Bucky snapped, his voice harsher than intended. He winced, immediately regretting it. “Sorry, Steve. I didn’t mean that.”

Steve gave a small nod, understanding the weight behind Bucky’s words. “It’s okay. Let’s head home in case she decides to come back.”

Bucky hesitated, his eyes lingering on the faint figure disappearing under the moonlight. Finally, he turned, walking side by side with Steve.

“What happened?” Bucky asked quietly as they made their way back.

Steve sighed heavily. “She had a fight with her father. It got physical, Buck… he hit her. She’s in a bad place right now.”

Bucky clenched his fists, anger flaring in his chest. “And what happened earlier probably pushed her over the edge,” Steve added, his voice barely audible.

Bucky remained silent, the weight of guilt settling over him. He knew your father had been trying to marry you off to some rich guy’s son, but the thought that things had escalated to violence was almost too much to bear. Every instinct told him to storm over to your house and deal with your father himself, but he knew it would only make things worse for you. And you were all he cared about.

“They set a date for her wedding, you know,” Steve continued, his voice filled with sadness. “Three months from now, she’s supposed to marry Tom Williams. Her father’s sick of playing games, so he did it without even telling her.”

Bucky stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw clenching. “She told him no,” Steve went on. “Said she wouldn’t marry someone she didn’t love… said she was in love with someone else.”

Bucky’s heart skipped a beat, hope flaring despite the circumstances. “Who?”

Steve smiled faintly. “You, you jerk.”

Bucky’s mind raced, his heart hammering in his chest. You loved him? Really loved him? But if that was true, why did you push him away? He was right there, always had been.

“If she loves me, why won’t she even look at me? Why did she leave like that?” Bucky’s voice was thick with confusion and hurt.

“She thinks you don’t feel the same,” Steve replied gently. “She thinks it’s one-sided.”

Shock washed over Bucky. How could you not know? All those times he’d distanced himself, trying to protect you by not getting too close—you must have thought he didn’t care at all.

“You haven’t exactly made it obvious,” Steve pointed out, stopping to face Bucky. “This is your chance, Buck. It’s now or never. Tomorrow, her father will send people after her. If you’re going to do something, it has to be tonight… I know I said to let her have a minute, but I was thinking about Ma’….Life’s too short, Buck. You should go.”

Determination surged within Bucky. He had wasted too much time already. “You’re right, I’ve been an idiot,” he muttered, already moving faster. “I have to tell her.”

“I’ll be at the house,” Steve called after him as Bucky broke into a run, desperate to find you before it was too late.

Bucky sprinted down the dimly lit streets, his chest tight with worry. He couldn’t let you sit out there alone, vulnerable, and heartbroken. He didn’t know why he even let you go off by yourself in the first place. When he finally spotted you, huddled against a tree, crying, his heart shattered.

“Doll?” he called softly, approaching slowly so as not to startle you.

You looked up, your tear-streaked face flushed and swollen. “Bucky?”

His heart twisted at the sight of the bruise on your cheek, evidence of your father’s cruelty. Kneeling in front of you, he reached out a hand. “It’s me. Can I sit with you?”

You nodded, patting the ground beside you.

Bucky settled down next to you, his presence warm and steady. “I was so worried about you,” he whispered. “When Steve told me what happened, I couldn’t stay put. I had to find you.”

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” you choked out. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You’ve always been so good to me, and I ruined everything.”

“Hey, no,” Bucky said firmly, placing a comforting hand on your knee. “You didn’t ruin anything. I should’ve been there for you, not out with someone I didn’t care about.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you managed a small smile. “Okay.”

Gently, Bucky cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly over your bruise. You winced but didn’t pull away. “Sweetheart, you can’t go back there.”

Tears welled up in your eyes again. “You don’t understand, Buck. My father’s already arranged everything. I have nowhere else to go. If I don’t go through with it, I’ll be disowned, left with nothing.”

Bucky’s jaw tightened with anger, but his voice remained gentle. “You won’t be alone,You’re never alone. You always have us.” He paused, as if a light went off in his mind. “Move in with me—with Steve and me.”

“I don’t have anything to offer,” you said, your voice trembling. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

Bucky shook his head, stroking your hand with his. “You could never be a burden.”

“But… what would it look like, me living with two men? Buck, no one would want me after that…” You wiped your tears with a trembling hand.

Bucky was silent for a moment, his mind racing. People already talked about you for hanging out with them; he couldn’t imagine what they would say if they found out you were living with them too. Then, in a soft but determined voice, he said, “Marry me.”

Your eyes widened, shock rendering you speechless. “W-what?”

“Marry me,” Bucky repeated, his voice stronger. “Take my last name. It would be the greatest honour of my life.”

“But Buck, I—”

“But nothing,” he interrupted, taking your hands in his. “I should’ve told you years ago, but I was scared. I hate that it took something like this for me to realise how much I need you. I love you, doll. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you giving Stevie hell outside the post office for taking on the Dayne brothers, and I’ll love you every day after… I’ll love you forever.”

Tears filled your eyes again, but this time, they were tears of joy. You could hardly believe what you were hearing. “Are you serious? Because, Bucky, I can’t take any more heartbreak. You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to hear those words from you.”

Bucky’s breath hitched as he saw the hope in your eyes mingling with the lingering fear. He squeezed your hands gently, grounding himself in the warmth of your touch.

“I’m dead serious, doll,” he said, his voice soft but unwavering. “I should’ve said it a long time ago, but I’m saying it now. I want you in my life—in every way you’ll let me have you”

You stared at him, your heart pounding. “But what if… what if it’s just because of everything that’s happened tonight? What if you change your mind?”

Bucky shook his head, his gaze never leaving yours. “This isn’t just about tonight. It’s about every moment that led us here. I’ve loved you for years, and that’s never going to change, I just didn’t have the guts to tell you until now.”

Tears welled up again, blurring your vision as you tried to process the weight of his words. You wanted to believe him, but doubt still gnawed at the edges of your mind. “But what if—”

“No more ‘what ifs,’” Bucky interrupted softly, his thumb brushing away a stray tear from your cheek. “I’ve spent enough time worrying about those, What matters is what’s right here, right now.” He leaned closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You’re the only one I want, no one else….Just you, only you”

Your breath caught in your throat, your heart aching with the intensity of his words. “Bucky… I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything,” Bucky murmured, leaning in so that your foreheads touched “Just let me show you.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The world around you seemed to fade away as you sat there, forehead to forehead, breathing in sync. Finally, you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to trust, to hope.

“Okay,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “Okay.”

Bucky pulled back slightly to look at you, a small smile playing on his lips “Is that a yes?”

A tear slipped down your cheek, but you were smiling too. “Yes, Bucky. It’s a yes.”

Relief and joy flooded through Bucky, and before he could stop himself, he leaned in and kissed you. It was a soft, tentative kiss, full of unspoken promises and years of unshed tears. When he pulled away, you both sat there, breathless and dazed, as if the world had just shifted beneath your feet.

“Doll,” Bucky said, his voice thick with emotion, “I’ll take care of everything, you won’t have to face your father alone, and you’ll never have to deal with that again.” His thumb lightly traced over your bruised cheek. “No one will ever hurt you again, I’ll protect you… I’ll stand by you, no matter what… till the end of the line.”

You nodded, a fresh wave of tears spilling over. “Till the end of the line.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt safe. The weight of everything that had happened—the fight with your father, the bruises, the fear—seemed to lift as Bucky held you close.

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispered into your hair. “Together.”

You clung to him, the warmth of his embrace chasing away the chill of the night. “Together,” you echoed, the word feeling like a promise.

As the two of you sat there, tangled in each other’s arms, the moon hung high in the sky, casting a gentle glow over the city. And for the first time in a long time, the future didn’t seem so frightening. The night stretched on, but in that moment, with Bucky’s arms around you and his heartbeat steady beneath your cheek, you knew you were home.

“I don’t have a ring on me, but I’ve got one back at the house,” Bucky said, standing and offering his hand. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”

“Why do you have a ring?” Your heart pounded as you reached out and took his hand.

He helped you up, a soft smile on his lips. “Remember when we went window shopping at that store you like?”

You nodded. “The one by the post office?”

He nodded. “You said that when you got married, you didn’t want some generic ring that every other girl had. You wanted something like that one. So, I put it on hold and paid them every week for months until it was mine.”

You stumbled back slightly, his arm wrapping around your waist, steadying you. “James, that was almost two years ago. They closed down last year.”

He smiled, his eyes twinkling, his nose crinkling as he spoke softly. “I told you, it was always gonna be you.”

Your eyes searched his, hardly believing it. This felt like a dream, and you were so scared you would wake up to a nightmare. With your heart pounding, you finally said the words you’d been holding back for years. Placing your hands on either side of his face, you let your thumbs graze over the dimple on his chin, your eyes moving between his lips and eyes. “I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

Before he could respond, you grabbed his face and brought his lips to yours. His hands tightened on your hips before wrapping around your waist, pulling you as close as he could, though it felt like he wanted you even closer.

Bucky smiled against your lips, his breath warm and sweet as he pulled you into a gentle embrace. “I’ve waited so long to hear you say that,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “I love you too, more than I’ve ever loved anything.”

The weight of his words settled over you, grounding you in the reality of the moment. This wasn’t a dream; it was real. Bucky was real, and he was here, with you, wanting to build a future together. The fear that had been gnawing at the edges of your heart began to melt away, replaced by a deep, overwhelming sense of peace.

When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, the cool night air wrapping around you as you stood there, lost in each other’s eyes. “I could kiss you forever,” Bucky murmured, his lips brushing against your temple. “But Steve’s probably waiting, and I can’t wait to tell him.”

You laughed softly, the sound bubbling up from deep within you. It was the first time you had truly laughed in what felt like ages. “You think he’ll be happy for us?.”

Bucky nodded, his gaze softening as he looked at you. “Yeah, he will. But first…” He pulled you close again, his voice low and serious. “Let’s get you somewhere safe, you're not going back to that house, not ever. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow, but tonight, I just want you close.”

You felt the tension drain from your body as you leaned into him, your head resting against his chest. His heartbeat was steady and strong, a comforting rhythm that lulled you into a sense of security. “I just want to be with you, Bucky,” you whispered. “That’s all I need.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, his arms tightening around you. “You’ve got me, doll. For as long as you want me.”

The two of you stood there for a while longer, wrapped in each other’s arms, letting the silence speak for you. The world outside might have been dark and cold, but here, in Bucky’s arms, you felt warm, protected, and loved.

Finally, Bucky pulled back slightly, his hand still entwined with yours. “Come on,” he said softly. “Let’s go home.”

You nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “Home,” you echoed, the word tasting sweet on your tongue.

Together, you made your way down the street, your hands clasped tightly together. The moonlight cast a silver glow over the pavement, guiding your steps as you walked side by side. There was no need for words; the connection between you spoke volumes.

As you approached the house, you felt a sense of calm settle over you. This was your family now—Bucky, Steve, and the life you were about to build together. It wasn’t going to be easy, but with Bucky by your side, you knew you could face whatever challenges lay ahead.

When you reached the door, Bucky paused, turning to face you. His eyes were filled with warmth, a hint of mischief dancing in their depths. “You ready?”

You nodded, squeezing his hand. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

With a grin, Bucky pushed open the door, leading you inside. The warmth of the house enveloped you, and you could already hear Steve moving around in the kitchen, probably making his usual late-night snack.

“Steve, you better be decent!” Bucky called out, his voice light with humour.

Steve’s head popped out from the kitchen doorway, a grin spreading across his face as he took in the sight of the two of you holding hands. “I’m always decent, Buck. What’s up?”

Bucky glanced at you, his smile widening as he spoke. “We’ve got some news.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, wiping his hands on a dish towel. “Oh? What kind of news?”

You looked at Bucky, feeling a rush of warmth as he gently squeezed your hand. “The best kind,” you said softly, your voice filled with quiet joy.

Bucky nodded, his eyes shining as he turned back to Steve. “We’re getting married.”

For a moment, there was silence as the words hung in the air. Then, Steve’s face broke into the biggest smile you’d ever seen, and he let out a whoop of joy, rushing over to wrap you both in a tight bear hug.

“This is the best news I’ve heard in years!” Steve exclaimed, his voice brimming with excitement “About time”

You laughed, letting Steve bring you away from Bucky and into his arms “Welcome home” he whispered

—-

When you woke up, something about the universe felt different—in a good way, like everything had finally fallen into place. You and Bucky were entangled together in his… your bed, his warmth seeping into your skin. As the sun shone through the window, everything seemed brighter, newer. You brought your hand out from under the blankets, examining the ring on your finger. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

“Good morning, my beautiful fiancée,” Bucky’s voice murmured against your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

You giggled, your heart doing backflips in your chest. Turning to face him, you ran your fingers up and down his bare arm. “Good morning, my handsome fiancé.”

Bucky’s eyes were still heavy with sleep, but they sparkled as he gazed at you. “I can’t believe it’s real,” he whispered, his fingers tracing the curve of your jaw. “That you’re mine, that you said yes.”

You leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “It’s real, Buck. And I’m yours, always.”

His smile grew, and he wrapped his arms tighter around you, pulling you impossibly closer. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Me neither,” you murmured against his lips, feeling his breath hitch. “I’ve waited so long for this… for you.”

Bucky’s expression softened, a mixture of love and determination in his eyes. “I promise you, doll, I’ll do everything to make you happy. I’ll protect you, cherish you, and love you more every day.”

“I know you will,” you whispered, your heart swelling with the certainty in his voice.

For a while, you both stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, basking in the warmth of the morning light and the quiet contentment of knowing that your lives were finally, perfectly aligned

There was a knock at the door. “Buck? Y/N? We need to talk,” Steve’s voice came through the other side, a tone of urgency lacing his words.

Bucky sat up slightly, leaning on his elbows. “Give us a sec, Steve!” he called back, but the tension in his voice was unmistakable.

Your stomach dropped, a wave of anxiety crashing over you. Bucky noticed instantly, the colour draining from your face. “Hey, hey, sweetheart,” he whispered, gently guiding your face away from the door to look at him. “Relax, okay? Whatever it is, it’s going to be fine. I promise.”

You nodded, but the dread coiling in your chest didn’t ease. As Bucky pulled the blanket off, he held out his hand to you. “Together,” he said softly, his eyes full of quiet determination.

You grasped his hand tightly, grounding yourself in his warmth as you both stepped out of the room. The hallway felt longer than usual, each step heavy with anticipation. When you reached the kitchen, Bucky guided you to the table where Steve was already seated, his expression unreadable.

“What’s going on, Steve?” Bucky asked, his voice steady, but you could feel the tension in the air thickening.

Steve’s gaze flickered between Bucky and you, his expression grave. The silence stretched on, the weight of it pressing down on your chest. Your knee started bouncing involuntarily, a nervous habit you couldn’t suppress. Bucky noticed, placing his hand on your knee, his grip firm and reassuring, but it wasn’t enough to stop the rising panic.

Finally, Steve spoke, his voice low and careful, but his eyes locked onto yours. “Your brother was here.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes angst #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader angst

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foundmywei · 8 months

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Buddie Fanfic Recs 2

Here are my favorite buddie fics! Now includes 40 fics~

Check Part 1 and Part 3 for more

10k words or under

We're Both His Fathers by thebravestthingIeverdidwasrun

(1,276 words | General Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck has his foot up on the back of the ambulance when an arm shoots across his chest. It’s the other paramedic. “Sorry, it’s family only. You’re not on this call.” --- Christopher's school bus has an accident on the freeway. Buck and Eddie make sure to save him, but just as Buck is about to join Eddie and Chris on the ambulance he gets told it's "family only." May Day parallel fic

let the choir bells sing by foxwatson

(3,486 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

All at once, Eddie has an idea. It’s definitely the stupidest idea he’s ever had in his entire life, but he has it all the same, and there’s no time to come up with a better one. He puts his hands on Buck’s elbows, tugs him in closer, and says, “Kiss me.” Based on combining the prompts "kiss me like you mean it” and “i don’t know what i would have done if you weren’t here”

Something Dumb to Do by glorious_spoon

(8,509 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

"Too bad we can't just date each other." Eddie laughs. "What?" "No, I'm serious!" Buck sets his beer down, the better to gesture with both hands, face lighting up, and Eddie just—he really loves the guy, okay. Ridiculous as he is. "It would be so much easier! You wouldn't have to introduce a new person to Chris—he already likes me anyway—and you could tell Pepa so she'll stop setting you up on dates that don't go anywhere—" "And what would you get out of this?" Eddie asks, grinning. - Or: Buck and Eddie try something out together.

drawstrings by browney3dgirl6

(3,736 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

“Buck?” There was more rustling before Eddie heard a, “fuck, stupid—Eddie?” Eddie laughed with a shake of his head. “You decent up there bud?” Eddie heard a loud sigh and some more shuffling before Buck answered. “Yea, mostly.” Slowly, Eddie crept up the stairs, unsure of what kind of predicament he’d find Buck in. At the top of the landing, Eddie came to a halt, a soft smile spreading across his face. Buck was sat on the edge of his bed, hoodie ridden up and exposing his tummy. His head was bent toward his waist where he was battling with the drawstrings of his sweatpants, grunting as he went. Eddie stayed where he was watching. He found the entire thing oddly endearing. —or— Eddie helps Buck fix his drawstrings. How was he supposed to know it’d lead to him sitting in Bucks lap?

i'm someone you maybe might love by allyasavedtheday

(6,580 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

She opens her locker, giving him a sidelong glance. “So does Buck know you’re-“ The rest of her question gets cut off by a quiet, disbelieving, “Eddie?” and she and Eddie turn just in time for Buck to slam straight into Eddie. Eddie takes a step back with the force of it but his arms come up around Buck immediately, hugging back just as fiercely. She catches sight of his blinding smile before he tucks his face into Buck’s shoulder and Lucy stares, can’t help it when they’re hugging like long-lost lovers being reunited. Buck pulls back first, hands still firmly on Eddie’s arms as he jostles him. “You asshole!” he exclaims with a laugh that sounds more than a littler watery. “I was literally at your house last night; why didn’t you say anything?!” “Wanted it to be a surprise,” he says, voice low and soft in a way that finally makes her turn away to pretend to be busy with her locker. * Five times someone realises Buck is in love with Eddie and one time Buck realises he's in love with Eddie.

I'm still standing in the same place where you left me standing by trysetmeonfire

(8,303 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“It’s alright,” Bobby says, another useless lie. Eddie’s eyes open, look straight into his, and his next words are remarkably clear. “I love him, Bobby.” “No,” he shakes his head, a strange and frantic panic bubbling up inside him. “You can’t tell me this- you can’t tell me this-“ a hundred smiles shift slightly to the left in Bobby’s memory. It’s barely a surprise, really, he picked Eddie out for Buck himself, years and years ago. He thought they’d make a fine pair. “You have to- we’re getting out of here and you’re telling him yourself, you can’t-“ -- Bobby deals with the ramifications of a misplaced confession

forever, ceasing never by lecornergirl

(3,985 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Until he drifts over just a little too far and loses his balance, and instead of resting his head on Buck’s shoulder like he’d intended he overshoots and finds himself sprawled out on the sofa, his head somewhere in the vicinity of Buck’s hip. Buck’s lap. His head is in Buck’s lap. Somewhere in the back of his wine-soaked mind, he knows he should get up. That this isn’t something they do. That this is crossing a line they’ve only skirted before, with the tackling and the tickling—always measured, always with a pretext. He should get up, but Buck’s hand slides into his hair, and when he looks down his eyes are impossibly soft. “Hi,” Buck whispers.

might as well be drunk in love by fleetinghearts

(2,326 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Oh. You’re—uh.” Should he—say something? Why would he say something, though. Just because this isn’t something they do… Eddie’s clearly fine with this, initiating this, and Buck—there’s never a time Buck doesn’t want this, want this bad. So why would he say you have a bed right there and come off as a dick when they’re both perfectly fine with this. Or, worse in ways that are both hysterical and heartbreaking, come off as vaguely homophobic or make Eddie uncomfortable about the way he’s currently spooning Buck like he’s been doing it all his life. He settles for a lighthearted, “Are you drunk?” Eddie sighs sleepily, breath tickling Buck’s neck. “Yeah. Kinda.” or, getting little-spooned by his drunk best friend was not on buck's maid-of-honour checklist, but. it's happening

Java Blues by Ravens_Words

(5,530 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Bobby doesn't share his coffee with anyone. Ever. (Unless it's Buck.) Or, eight times Buck drank Bobby’s coffee, and the one time Bobby made it for him.

let me fix it for you by smilingbuckley

(10,355 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

5 times Eddie fixes or builds something for Buck + 1 time Buck thanks him for it (... sort of) -- “You look like you need a good breakfast,” Bobby says at the sight of Buck, handing him a plate highly stacked with waffles. “You can shave here if you want to.” “And risk being halfway when we get called in?” Buck snorts, “Nah, I’ll shave when Eddie fixes my sink.” “Oh, didn’t know you were a free handyman on the side,” Hen says, stretching to look at Eddie, “You know, we’ve been looking for someone to fix our backyard fence." Eddie, with his mouth full of waffles, shakes his head, “Family only.”

5 times Buck calls Eddie baby before he’s his + 1 time after by jesuisgrace

(2,314 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

The first time it happens Eddie knows that Buck is just being Buck, sweet and affectionate and funny. That he’s just matching the energy Eddie just ribbed him with when he hurls, “damn, don’t do me like that, baby!” at him over the pool table. Eddie feels himself freeze, feels his mouth fall open just a little, feels his cheeks heat. And wills himself to stop, to not make it weird, to just laugh. Because he knows how Buck meant it. But he hears “baby” in Buck’s voice, meant just for him, echo through his head all day.

don't read the last page (i stay) by screamingcolours

(9,090 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie forgets about the couch thing. And he forgets because there isn’t supposed to be anything to remember about it. Instead, he remembers Christopher’s appointments and he remembers to go to his own. He remembers to do his laundry every few days and he remembers to bring Buck his clothes that Eddie finds in the hamper every once in a while. He remembers to go grocery shopping and he remembers to ask Bobby to give him the day off for the parents-teachers conference next month. Life goes on and he grows a little softer around the edges each day that Buck spends at his house instead of the loft every time he has time off, but it’s not anything he really worries about anymore. Buck hasn’t been doing his best, and if spending time in Eddie’s kitchen cooking enough for a whole army of Chris’s for hours on end until he’s too tired to go back to his place makes him happy, then who’s Eddie to deny him that? * or: mandatory 'making buck realise everything he ever wanted is right there in front of him' fic

was blind but now i see by seraphina_snape

(6,368 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

"Who is going where with Eddie?" "Buck is trying the romantic Greek-Italian restaurant he's been talking about with Eddie tonight. That's why he's in such a hurry." Chim's jaw drops a little. "Is that the place that basically only has tables for two and where there's no overhead lights, only those little mood-lights on the tables?" "Uh-huh." Hen nods. "They're going to discuss which high school to pick for Christopher." Buck looks up and checks himself in the reflection of the locker room's glass wall. He grabs his bag. "We'll tell you how the food was next shift. Or Eds will. I think it's my turn to split with B-shift." He looks at his watch and curses a little under his breath. "All right, gotta go. Have a good night!" Buck hustles out of the locker room, leaving Chim and Hen staring after him. Chim eventually shakes his head and starts getting dressed. "I don't even know what to say to that. Is he really going to the hottest date location in town to talk about Christopher's high school options?" "Oh yeah. That boy has no idea." Hen sighs. "Neither of them do."

11k - 40k words

Left Unsaid by C_M2

(33,431 words | Mature | Chapters: 7/7)

A woman shows up at the station with a picture of Buck on her phone. It goes better than last time. OR: The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118.

help me to help myself by woodchoc_magnum

(26,678 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

In which Eddie slowly figures out who he really is in the aftermath of his breakdown.

please linger near the door by fallingthorns

(12,096 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck glances at Eddie’s bedroom door one more time, almost like he’s willing it to open. But the door stays mostly closed and Buck feels himself deflate as he grabs his bag and keys. He quietly closes the door and locks it behind him, and he’s just about to turn the car on when he frowns and realizes that he left his jacket in the house. He knows he’ll probably be back at some point tomorrow to get it, but he thinks about Eddie under all that mud. He thinks of his head on Bobby’s lap and Eddie’s name on his lips, screamed into the air. He felt – He felt like his whole soul was being buried under the mud, and that’s what scares him the most. Sighing, he gets out of the Jeep and decides to get his jacket, and if he happens to listen for any signs of movement from Eddie’s room for a few more seconds before he leaves again, then that’s between Buck and God. -- Or, Buck lingers until he finally stays.

right in front of your eyes by rainbow_nerds

(15,295 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

He and Chris, and Buck. They work, they’re a unit. Why should it matter that he’s single? Buck is watching him, like he’s reading every thought on his face. “You’re already planning to lie about the date. Why don’t you just tell her you met someone yourself?” Eddie shrugs and tilts his head to the side, squinting in thought. “She won’t set me up on dates if she thinks I’ve got someone,” he muses. “But she’ll want to meet whoever it is.” “So... Introduce them?” Or: Buck offers to fake-date Eddie so Pepa will stop setting him up on dates.

a touch of someone else (to save me from myself) by allyasavedtheday

(19,390 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 2/2)

Of course, all of that comes to a grinding halt when he stops outside the locker room to find arguably one of the hottest guys he’s ever seen getting changed right by his locker. He stands there, gaping and trying desperately to get his mind out of the gutter – but Jesus, those abs – when someone bumps his shoulder and he turns to find Hen sidling up to him. “Enjoying the view?” she asks with a knowing smirk. Buck raises an eyebrow, feeling the corners of his mouth turn up in a smirk of his own. “He from B shift or something?” Hen’s about to answer him when Bobby appears on his other side. “That’s Eddie Diaz, our new recruit.” Buck’s brain does some approximation of a record scratch and he whirls around to face Bobby. “New recruit? Why?” * In which Eddie joins the 118 during season 1 instead of season 2 and Buck has a lot to say about it. AKA Eddie meets Buck 1.0.

sweet summer heat by waywardrenegades

(39,748 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 6/6)

It’s July in LA, there’s a heatwave, and Buck is fucking upset.

upon reflection by jeremycarver

(24,817 words | Explicit | Chapters: 7/7)

Buck doesn’t think, just says, “Hey Eds, you wanna?” Half to wipe that caught-out look off his friend’s face and half because, well. Buck doesn��t not want to. It would be fun, something to do to pass some time in the most stressful month of everyone’s lives. Eddie sits back so he’s between Buck’s thighs instead of on top of him and is slow to answer. Buck waits, and finally he answers, “Should we?” or, Buck and Eddie get into a friends with benefits situation that quickly spirals out of control.

baby, it's okay if we both end up afraid by Underhung_Aura

(28,376 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

Buck hadn’t forgotten how cold the ocean is. He hadn’t forgotten the bite of it or how the crest of a wave can feel like the edge of a knife or how the water stings and cuts and carves and settles in the bottom of your lungs and the pit of your stomach like a handful of broken glass. But he had forgotten the water’s weight. He had forgotten how heavy it is as it clings to you and refuses to let go, something he supposes he has in common with this powerful, almost undefeatable force of nature. Letting go has never been something he is good at, in any capacity, in any situation, always clinging clinging clinging like his very life depends on how well he can hold on to all the things that want him to release them. OR buck and bobby battle their past traumas in the middle of a shipwreck. eddie pines in the aftermath. and somehow, for all of them, love endures and overcomes.

you strip me down into nothing (show me what i've been missing) by screamingcolours

(28,000 words | Explicit | Chapters: 1/1)

“You could sleep with me.” It’s Buck’s turn to choke on his drink. “Wh—what? That’s not funny, Eddie.” “I’m not joking.” “Okay,” Buck says, slowly and looking at him with so much confusion, like he’s expecting a catch. “Why? Why would you offer to do this?” That’s the part where Eddie should have a thought out answer about how this makes sense, because they’re both single and trust each other with everything or whatever, and maybe it wouldn’t be a lie. But the truth is, he’s looking at Buck right now, on the verge of some kind of breakdown over sex of all things because he needs to be told he’s good and loved and needed, and Eddie will be damned if he’s not going to give him that. “Why wouldn’t I?” or Eddie offers to sleep with Buck ~for science~, they become friends with benefits, and Eddie takes way, way too long to pick up on what it all really means.

be as you've always been (lover be good to me) by frozenwisteria

(16,553 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie looks across the sofa to see Buck’s chin cradled in his hands as he watches them instead of the screen, and Eddie hides his face in Chris’ hair because Buck can see the heat on his skin. As easy as it is becoming to let Buck in, it astonishes Eddie when Buck is so open and vulnerable with them too. He’s just spent the day taking care of Chris and now he’s smiling so softly and sincerely just watching Eddie and Chris relaxing together. Eddie’s heart beats quickly in his chest and Christopher squirms a bit when he hears it. “Are you okay, Dad?” Chris whispers. Eddie nods against the mop of curly hair that he should probably schedule a haircut for soon. “I’m really good, Chris.” or Eddie rejoins the 118 following the events of season five, slowly finds himself, and realizes along the way that he's in love with his best friend

Golden Hour by maybeamystery

(19,837 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

Okay, in the cold light of day, Buck can now admit that he is totally and completely in love with Eddie. The gross, sappy, want-to-write-a-million-soft-ballads kind of love. Eddie is the first person he thinks about when he opens his eyes in the morning; when he falls asleep at night, it’s usually to thoughts of Eddie and Chris, the two most important people in the world to him other than his sister and Jee-Yun. Not for the first time, Buck wishes he had the guts to confess his feelings to Eddie and get it over with. Instead, he’s trapped Eddie in this weird dog adoption farce, and he doesn’t know how he’s going to get out of it with his heart intact. [or Buck adopts a dog with the Diazes, and they live happily ever after.]

there's more to life than chasing ghosts by differentsnowflake

(19,955 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

"So," Eddie begins. "Let me see if I can remember. You've worked in a dude ranch, done construction work, went to bartending school, did some Navy SEAL training, tended bar in like, in a bunch of cities, and, um- I feel like there's so much more you haven't told me." "I used to walk dogs too. Oh, and work in an old book shop." And yeah, there's so much he hasn't told Eddie yet. Maybe it's because Buck doesn't want him to know about the long nights spent sleeping in the backseat of the Jeep, and the loneliness and the fact that everywhere he went he just felt like he was going in circles, trying desperately to find a place where he'd belong. He doesn't want to tell him about the uncertainty and the fear of not being able to find whatever he was looking for. Also, maybe it's because he finds the frown in Eddie's face funny, like it still bothers him not to know everything about him. In which Buck is totally not having a crisis about turning thirty, Eddie throws him a birthday party, Buck likes keeping secrets about his past, and they're both idiots who refuse to talk about their feelings.

Muscle Memory by Daisies_and_Briars

(40,051 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 14/14)

After a disappointment in his personal life, Buck wakes up one morning to find everyone he loves has forgotten him completely. No memories. No recognition. Almost like he was never really there.

Why Not Take All of Me? by Daisies_and_Briars

(13,235 words | Mature | Chapters: 5/5)

When a small disaster strikes the morning of Maddie and Chimney's wedding, Buck, Hen, and Chim find themselves unwittingly caught up in an emergency across town, while Maddie and Eddie get stuck in an elevator.

Batting a Buck & Change by Daisies_and_Briars

(15,557 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 5/5)

“Do you remember that shift where Buck was off and Hen was on mandatory relaxation, and they both got drunk in Hen’s kitchen in the middle of the afternoon while we had to resuscitate a canine?” Eddie nods vigorously. “Oh, Hoover. I remember Hoover.” “Why have we never been drunk during a dog resuscitation, Eddie? Have you thought about that?” “Well now I am.” “We should call them and let them know that we can have fun on Dads’ Night Out.” Nothing could go wrong. OR Eddie and Chim embark on a “Dad’s night out” to watch baseball at a sports bar, and after a few too many, Eddie accidentally lets his feelings for Buck slip.

i wish i said it better by llovely

(12,315 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

He's surprised he made it to Buck's in one piece, driving through a haze, on autopilot towards the one person who can take the jumbled pieces of Eddie's mind and gently slot them back into place. He doesn't even register the time of day until he’s opening the door to loft with his key and saying, “Hen thinks I should go on a date with a man,” which he guesses is paraphrasing, but you know. It's what she meant. * anybody order some fake dating poker date spec 3 months too late? this was supposed to be like 2k i don’t know what happened.

Don't Take the Money by HMSLusitania

(21,831 words | Mature | Chapters: 3/3)

“You know, being stuck here isn’t actually the end of the world,” Chimney says, coming up to the table and picking up one of the smoke detectors. “It just feels like it, Buck. Trust me, I know.” “I’m pretty sure it might actually be the end of the world,” Buck says. “Considering this is the sixth time I’ve lived this day.” Chimney stares at him for a beat and then his eyebrows lift. “Wait, are you like – dude, are you in Groundhog Day?” OR The post-lawsuit time-loop AU literally no one asked for.

dragged in dust (bathed in blood) by tawaifeddiediaz

(39,125 words | Mature | Chapters: 4/4)

I'm leaving the 118. Or, the aftermath of Eddie's decision, and what it means for his relationship with Buck.

Trying Hard to Remember, Trying Hard To Forget by kristen999

(25,499 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 6/6)

Eddie doesn’t remember the shooting and Buck is haunted by it. As they struggle with their feelings for each other, Eddie and Buck grapple with the realities of trauma recovery and the understanding that everyone heals at their own pace. Coda to 4.14.

don’t wanna let you love somebody else but me by fleetinghearts

(14,710 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 1/1)

“Well, we’re doing a fancy dinner and mini golf and karaoke,” Buck says, “and those are kinda date activities anyway, right?” “Right,” Eddie says slowly. “Except it’s Chim’s bachelor party, so we can hardly bring dates along, even if we could find them. That’d be weird.” “Well,” Buck says, “I was thinking… what if we were each other’s dates?” Eddie’s brain bluescreens for a moment. Buck must take his total lack of reaction for disagreement, because he hurriedly says, “Like, a pretend date. That way we could test out our, like you said, moves on each other. And then be totally truthful about whether they worked or not. So we get honest feedback and we don’t have to worry about finding someone to try them out on and we can still make it to Chim’s party. And then give Chris some advice before Sunday. Right? Does that make sense?” or, chris wants dating advice and it turns out taking your best friend on a pretend date to practice being as romantic as possible is not a good idea in theory or in practice, considering the pesky being-in-unrequited-love of it all

Close My Eyes and Stumble (Right Into Your Love) by HMSLusitania

(21,652 words | Mature | Chapters: 1/1)

Eddie's PTSD is just that little bit worse and when he moves to Los Angeles, instead of joining the LAFD, he joins dispatch. Which is all good and fine, except for this one firefighter he keeps ending up talking to.

40k+ words

this must be the place by euadnes

(75,619 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 10/10)

Every life altering event is often led up to with a series of other important events. In this case, there were at least three: An unstoppable fire. An afternoon spent underneath a blanket of California blue sky. But firstly, and maybe the most important of all: There was the impeccable aiming of an ex-sharpshooter. *** Or, the Buck is also shot by the sniper AU that no one asked for.

What's love got to do with it? by ColorMeParanoid

(134,079 words | Explicit | Chapters: 30/30)

"Hear me out," Buck said. "Clearly, both of us are sick of dating other people. And we're a good fit, in pretty much every way that matters. So what if we're not in love? We don't need to be in love to be happy together." Eddie frowned. "So basically, we'd be boyfriends, without benefits?" "Yes!" Buck snapped his fingers. "Like platonic boyfriends! We'd get all the benefits of a relationship and none of the heartbreak." And maybe Eddie had finally lost his mind, or maybe it was from all the alcohol clouding his judgment, but the idea of it didn't sound half as crazy as it should have. *** After Buck’s and Eddie’s dates both end with disasters – proving once again that maybe dating just wasn’t meant for them – they decide to simply settle for each other. If there was one person in the world they'd ever trust with their hearts, it was each other. And who was a better person to date other than your very own best friend?

the weekly bet (but the forever kind) by theleftboobgrabber

(49,678 words | Explicit | Chapters: 9/9)

When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret. “Thanks,” Eddie mumbles, hiding his face deep in his pillow, even if Buck can’t see him in the dark. “What for?” Leave it to Buck to be confused about something so obvious. “Being you, idiot.” “And again with the name calling,” he answers, content and sleepy. Nights like this, Eddie feels like asking for a miracle. But to the team, it wasn’t a matter of if Abby would take him back, but when. A matter of days.

gave me no compass, gave me no signs (were there clues I didn't see) by Kwills91

(55,596 words | Explicit | Chapters: 9/9)

Eddie Diaz is finally opening himself up to the idea of dating again when a call ends with a building collapse and trapped inside with Buck, both men have realisations about how they want to move forward. But as Buck helps Eddie recover can either of them find the courage to tell the other how they feel. *** Takes place shortly after the events of 6x14

Being Eddie by Daisies_and_Briars

(79,830 words | Teen And Up Audiences | Chapters: 21/21)

When Eddie starts seeing a new therapist, he’s presented with the opportunity to revisit several days from his past and right regrets that still bother him. OR: Eddie goes through the time travel therapy process of the 2009 Canadian TV show Being Erica

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania

(44,415 words | Mature | Chapters: 7/7)

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” -- An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc #911 fox #buck x eddie #buddie fic rec

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mazzystar24 · 3 months

Note

…… i can’t wait until these people are gone

This is in fact the ask that the draft didn’t save for so if my answer is worse than the original I will cry

My eye is legit twitching

So we all know this is bs but let’s go through point by point for why this is bs

“Eddie hasn’t done anything like that for him” (dropped everything and helped him) - this is honestly down to how they act with their emotions, Eddie bottles things until they turn into an emergency drop everything and deal with it situation but buck will have ongoing issues that he’ll need help with and he’ll seek it as it happens (e.g his parents or his injuries etc) and when he does Eddie IS there and shows up for him and helps him but we haven’t had him be in sort of a drop everything scenario (except the Buckley family dinner scene and we don’t know where he went after but the scene we see after that is buck talking to who? Eddie)

“Constantly makes jokes about bucks trauma” - as someone with ptsd and my own fair share of trauma and with traumatised friends I feel like once a certain level of rapport is reached you can joke with eachother about traumas 1. They both do it (e.g bucks “didn’t you just have one of those?”) 2. It’s never in emotional or vulnerable moments 3. It never crosses a line 4. Bold criticism considering Tommy made a daddy kink joke and a comment abt how bucks dad is still alive when buck was opening up abt why Bobby matters sm to him 5. It’s received and delivered well 6. It’s not actually constantly it’s a handful at most and the most outright one is abt the tsunami and that was HIS trauma too dont y’all forget my dude thought his son was dead for a hot minute

Told his team buck needed to get over being crushed by a fire truck- in that scene the writers did everything but flat out say he was projecting, when he’s talking abt bottling things up and his dads advice and all that stuff and the audience KNOWS that he’s just been through a bunch of traumas that he’s bottling up and “getting over” for the sake of Chris, they’re basically flat out telling you he’s projecting, now the minute that hen and bobby point out that buck feels alone what does Eddie do? He drags him out of bed and attempts to motivate him launching “operation buck up buck” in chimneys words, now mind the fact that he doesn’t do this for himself or give himself the same kindness because he genuinely believes you deal with things by ignoring them (reminder this is untherapised Eddie two eps away from fight club) but despite believing that he knows it’s what buck needs so he does it for him

He’s never once apologised for buck and made buck apologise to him- I’m assuming this is abt lawsuit era, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again no one in the lawsuit era was perfect that’s the whole point, either they’re all in the wrong or they’re all excused because they all had their reasons, Bobby kept buck behind and lied but he was scared to lose him, Buck sued and didn’t tell anyone and went no contact and shared personal shit but he’s just been through a bunch of trauma and his father figure and the man who was by his side the whole time through rehab basically said it isn’t good enough (in bucks brain) and that all that work still means he can’t get back to doing his life’s purpose, Eddie has had hit after hit trauma after trauma with no time to breathe in between AND THEN HIS BEST FRIEND GOES NO CONTACT BECAUSE OF WHAT BOBBY DID AND HE SUES BOBBY AND THE DEPARTMENT WITHOUT TALKING IT OUT WITH ANYONE AND SHARES PERSONAL INFO THAT HIS LAWYER THROWS IN HIS FACE, and while dealing with all the aforementioned trauma Eddie has to deal with Chris’ trauma and Chris missing buck and Eddie not being able to do anything abt it, so yeah honestly he WAS owed an apology (but again imo all sides have justification) and it’s not like he was a dick to buck for an extended period of time, he lasted one shift being bitchy and giving silent treatment and then buck had one emotional talk with puppy eyes and an apology and Eddie instantly was like ofc I forgive you🙄just don’t do it again☝️🤨 and again bold criticism when buck apologised to Tommy for what? Not being ready to come out to his friend in public after exactly one queer kiss and mid first queer date?? And then got ditched on the side of the road by Tommy???

He never once acted like a good friend outside of the will and the hospitals- “you don’t have to be anything for anyone, no one is the same from one day to the next and things like this change us so what changed in you?” “Did you say anything that wasn’t true? Well look maybe you could’ve come at it a little differently but if that’s how you feel, how they made you feel you have every right to say so” “that’s not your fault”“I had to do it- I know you did” “and what you think you failed? I failed that kid more times than I care to count and I’m his father but I love him enough to keep trying and I know that you do too” “there is no one in this world I trust with my son more than you”“you saved him, that’s how he remembers it and now its his turn to do the same to you” “now am I allowed to ask how you are?” “ you died buck you’re gonna feel a lot of different ways about that…I found the best way is to let yourself feel it” - and that’s not even all of them just a few favourites but my thumbs are sore

Eddie has left buck out from so many things and never realised it was wrong- 7x04 is literally the only time we’ve seen that and remember Tim said the whole episode is bucks perspective and I said this before the ep even aired in this ask but it’s still true that for Eddie I think he just genuinely is so secure in their friendship that he didn’t think buck would be insecure abt it and when he does he is actually the one who puts it together and sends Tommy to buck - I go a little more in depth in this post that turned out to be a draft that I freed from my drafts just for this ask also what did we see him exclude buck from? Basketball that he doesn’t like and that he’s asked him to join in multiple times? Watching a fight that he had no previous interest in? Muay Thai that he doesn’t know how to do and again showed no previous interest in? Like when buck and Eddie are close y’all say they’re codependent and unhealthy and when Eddie has other friends y’all say he’s a bad friend?

Tommy was the one who apologised to him - at EDDIES URGING BECAUSE BRO WAS LAID UP AFTER BUCK SPRAINED HIS ANKLE???😭😭

“Tommy has been doing all the things Eddie hasn’t” - youre so right actually like putting a damper on bucks mood or having a racist past or having like 10 lines and the majority of them being sardonic and kinda insensitive, making an emotional moment into a sexual one and having like 5 minutes of screentime 🤩🎀

Wow babe I have a degree in yappology and a minor in ranting for real sorry for the long response 😭😭😭

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pandorxxx · 1 year

Text

An unexpected Visitor: Chapter 1

Lo’ak x omatikayan fem reader

Warnings: forbidden love, trouble maker lo’ak (ofc), angry- Lo’ak (kinda), p in v, cursing, orgasms. (Lmk if I missed anything else)

Synopsis: You were promised to Neteyam. Him being next in line for olo’eyktan and you training to be the next tsahik, it only made sense. However, you had lo’ak on your mind. What happens when lo’ak gets tired of sneaking around, and asks you to be his mate? Will your father approve of this?

Chapter 2

🔞MDNI🔞

It was no secret…although you tried your hardest to keep it as such. You were among the elite kids in the clan, your father being jakes right hand man, and your mother being one of the best hunters here. So it was only fair that you had the prime pickings of the clans finest men.

Everyone thought it would be you and Neteyam. As you both were promised to eachother as young kids. You training to be a healer while Neteyam was up next for olo’eyktan, it only made the most since.

But if you were being completely honest, you didn’t like Neteyam all that much. And it was clear he wasn’t checking for you either. The truth was, he was too similar to you. You need someone to take you out of your comfort zone, not join you IN it. You two were friends, nothing more…nothing less. You both had discussed this many of times, yet either of you were bold enough to tell your parents of the decision you both made. So that situation went untouched.

Plus, it wouldn’t make sense for you to mate with Neteyam as if lo’ak wasn’t the one you were sneaking around with. Yes, it was true. You and lo’ak had a thing going on. It was always speculated around the clan, but never confirmed. You were just that good at hiding it.

Plus, you didn’t need your father hearing about this. He was really strict. Hell, it took him a few years to accept the fact that you were promised to Neteyam, and that you would be having a family of your own one day. So you just knew he would have a problem with lo’ak; the trouble maker of the clan mating with his only daughter? Over his dead body.

So the only way to see lo’ak romantically was to sneak around. Usually at night when your parents were sleeping, or on days like this one, when everyone was too busy doing their chores to care what was going on with the clans good girl and bad boy.

- - -

“Riiide that dick, fuuuuck.” Lo’ak chuckled breathily, receiving the utmost amount of pleasure as your little cunt squeezed his shaft. Your dainty hands were placed on his chest as you rode him like your life depended on it. Each bounce of your hips caused a loud smack that rang through the forest shamelessly.

And you couldn’t care less, not with his 14 inch cock buried deep inside of you. Shit, you couldn’t even think. All you knew was not to stop, or that undeniable pleasure would vanish.

“I-I’m gonna cum. I-I’mmmm gonna c-cum.” You whispered, heavy pants escaping your lungs as you bounced on his lap.

“Yeah?” He asked, siting up on his elbows just to watch your ass bounce. He snaked around, palming the plush skin with a loud grunt.

“Mm-hmm.” You nodded, faint whimpers escaping your lips as your walls began to contract around his length.

“O-Oh….ohhh fuuuck” he spoke, mouth slightly agape as his head followed your movements. He couldn’t take his eyes away. He squeezed your ass alittle harder, his hips bucking slightly into yours. He was close too….

“Same time, baby. S-Same time.” He moaned, lip between his teeth as he admired his favorite part of you. You were a mess, so fucked out that your body was begging for a release. Yet, you knew better. And no matter what you were doing…you hated to say this…but your fathers wrath was always lingering in the back of your mind.

“Let me cum first. Y-You can’t cum inside of me.” You moaned, your voice rippling with the pace of his thrusts now. Eywa, how much he hated those words…every.fucking.time you said them.

He growled out of frustration, taking it out on your tight little cunt. With a strong hand gripping your middle, he knocked the wind out of you with every thrust.

“F-Fuck just once. I need to fill this pussy up. Please.” He begged, faced balled up in pleasure as languid whimpers escaped his mouth.

“I know, b-but don’t do it. Hold it until I’m done!” You cried, legs beginning to shake around his hips. You felt your core heat up, meaning that your orgasm was seconds away.

Lo’ak decided to close his eyes, maybe it would hault his orgasm until you were done. He couldn’t believe what you were asking of him; To let you bounce on his cock until YOU were satisfied, while he was just seconds away from his earth shattering orgasm as well. And lord forbid if he came inside you. How the fuck was he supposed to do this? “Hurry then, b-baby! I-I can’t take it!” He growled, eyes shut and jaw clenched.

“I-I’m- shiiit!” You screamed, walls fluttering around his cock as you let your juices flow down his shaft with every slow bounce. As you rode out your high, you began to mumble nonsense in his ear.

“T-This dick is sooo good. So so sooo s-so good.” You whispered, fangs grazing his lobe. It sent a chill down his spine, his ears perking in excitement.

“Ohh come on, d-don’t talk like that. You’ve gotta- nghh!- gotta get up.” He moaned, pushing on your stomach gently, his eyes back glued to your ass.

“I-I’m still cumming, lo’ak. Don’t stop me, pleaseee?” You whimpered, rolling your hips into his. His eyes crossed, mouth falling agape as pitiful whimpers escaped.

“Fuuck, no. I-I can’t y/n!” He strained, shaking his head in disagreement. He gently pushed you off of him before fisting his cock.

“Ohhhh shit! Oh shit, shit, shit!” He grunted, his seed spewing out of him like lava. Sooo much of it too.

After one final thrust to his hand, he let go, body going limp on the moss beneath him. He was panting, sweat pooling from his body.

“That was amazinggg.” You panted, crawling over to your loincloth. Lo’ak scoffed with the energy he could muster.

“Mhm. I’m glad you had fun.” He snarled, sitting up lazily to grab his loincloth. You shot your head at him. Here he goes again. With his little attitude.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, tying your cloth around your hips. Eyes brow cocked as you awaited an answer.

Lo’ak stood to his full height, making you visibly back down in the slightest. He took a deep breath, tying his loincloth around his hips as well.

“Do you love me or what? Be honest. Because this shit doesn’t feel like love.” He confessed, finally meeting your confused gaze. “Huh? What are you even saying? Because I won’t let you CUM inside of me, I don’t love you now?” You asked, crossing your arms.

“It’s bigger than that, and you know it. After this, we’re gonna go our separate ways until you need me again. It’s funny how you can’t make time for a REAL date, yet you FIND time for some dick.” He spat, eyeing you up and down in disgust. He was getting really sick of this game you liked to play.

“Oh please! Be realistic for 2 seconds. You know I love you. And you know why we CANNOT be together. I don’t know why you’re acting like we haven’t discussed this.” You rebuttal, turning on your heals to leave him where he’s standing.

“You love me, right? prove that shit.” He growled, making you stop in your tracks. You turned around and walked close to him. “I just proved it…5 minutes ago!” You strained. He growled in frustration again.

“God, NO! Everything isn’t about sex!” He shouted, grabbing you by your neck out of sheer aggravation.

“Then WHAT?” You shouted back. He clenched his jaw, nose flaring as his tail wagged high behind him. He loved you so much that he was willing to say this next thing…

“Let me meet your father, properly. So I can take you out on a fucking date for once. A REAL date.” He spoke with less aggression, letting your neck go gently. Your eyes visibly widened at his request. “Lo’ak…my father wouldn’t approve of this.” You whispered, but loud enough for him to hear.

“How do you know that? We haven’t even tried yet.” He asked, a genuine tone in his voice. You sighed, taking his hands in yours.

“Lo’ak, my father knows that I’m promised to Neteyam already. He wouldn’t approve of my choice being his younger brother. It makes me look bad….and-“ you were stopped abruptly.

“And what?” He asked curiously. Head titled slightly as he awaited an answer.

“My father is strict. VERY strict. And you have…a bit of a reputation around the clan. He thinks you’re a trouble maker…everyone does. Im sorry.” You whispered, your voice cracking from the tears that we’re getting ready to form.

He had a look of defeat, disappointment. Was his reputation that messed up…that if fucked up his chances to get the girl he’s always wanted?

“I can be good for you. I WILL be good…for you. I won’t cause any more trouble if it means that I get a fair shot at making you mine. If your father doesn’t like me after, then it’s fine, I get that but….I just wanna try. Please, y/n. Let me meet him.” He begged before placing a soft kiss on your knuckles.

How could you deny him? Especially when you’ve got the clans bad boy BEGGING to make you his? Begging to meet your father, just so he can be public with you? Promising to be GOOD…for you? You had no other choice but to say….

“Yes, yes I’ll let you meet my father. Come over for dinner tomorrow. No funny business please.” You nodded, a small smirk creeping on your lips as the possibility of being with lo’ak.

“OH SHIT! YES! This is great! I’ll be there.”

He shouted in excitement. You’d never seen him smile that wide before. You were just happy that he was happy.

“No cursing when you meet him. He’ll kick you out.” You warned, pointing your finger at him. He chuckled before nodding. “I won’t, I promise.”

“No talking back either, please? I know how you get-“ he interrupted you again. “I swear ON MY LIFE. I would never disrespect him.” He spoke in a serious tone.

You smiled, placing your hands on his chest. “Ok then. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” You spoke, standing on your tippy toes to plant a kiss on his soft lips.

You turned on your heels again. Going to walk away before you felt a hard smack on your ass. “Fuck! Are you crazy?” You shouted, rubbing the burning skin. He chuckled at you, eyeing your small frame up and down.

“Maybe. I love you, though.” He teased. You rolled your eyes. Turning to walk away from him.“I love you too, lo’aaaaaak.” You sung before disappearing into the tall trees

As excited as he was, lo’ak knew he had some hard work ahead of him….

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @xreadersstuff @sweetllamaparadise @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @taylormarieee @sweethoneycn

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canonicallyobserving911 · 4 months

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Buck & Eddie: They built a family together more than 6 years ago

I've been debating for weeks if I was going to do a post on this topic because I DON'T LIKE T*MMY KINARD AND I HATE GIVING HIS CHARACTER ANY ATTENTION.

However, I decided to go ahead and post this because for some reason BT & T*mmy stans keep trying to erase Eddie by killing him off so Buck can raise Chris with him but that's ludicrous. The truth is Eddie is Chris' biological father and Chris already lost his mother so it would be REDUNDANT for TM to kill Chris' father off the show too. Also, TM said it himself, Eddie (RG) is too pretty to die so there's that... but I digress. TM allowed the character of Shannon to be hit by a car in season 2 because she was IRREDEEMABLE since the GA didn't like the way she abandoned her son for almost two years. Now her ghost returning or whatever is happening with her doppelgänger is interesting but that's not the topic of this post.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

It's really interesting how BT and T*mmy stans keep IGNORING THE CANON FACTS ABOUT THE CHARACTER OF T*MMY THAT HAVE BEEN PRESENTED SINCE 7X4.

But I've added them below so there won't be any misunderstandings.

T*mmy is an older man with NO KIDS of his own. If he wanted some, he would have had them by now but it's evident he's not looking to settle down and build a family of his own with anyone including Buck.

He's a representation of how Buck's life will end up if Buck keeps dating people he meets on calls or people who DON'T want the same things he wants. It's particularly evident since Buck and T*mmy look alike and they're both bachelors.

Based on the things he said in 7x4, it's likely he's dated people he met on calls before but the point is, he said dating people they saved never ended the way they expected and they were grateful, therefore, it's likely he doesn't want any kids of his own.

He's cool with Chris but not once did Eddie say he let T*mmy babysit him. Also, IIRC T*mmy never said he wanted to baby sit Chris. Buck told Maddie that Eddie introduced him to Chris not that they spent time together without Eddie being there.

Furthermore, T*mmy MAKES MORE MONEY THAN BUCK AND EVERYONE AT THE 118 (except for Bobby) because he's been a firefighter longer than all of them and he got a promotion to the 217. He literally flies helicopters and airplanes for work which means he probably makes about 250K per year (without OT) compared to their 125K to 150K but he's broke and doesn't have nice clothes. He's the Wal-Mart or Dollar Tree version of Eddie while Eddie Diaz is Cartier, Giorgio Armani and Prada. He obviously likes to spend his money on Bull$hit like car lifts, fight tickets in Las Vegas, helicopters and all that frivolous mess but keep in mind, he commented on how nice Buck's loft is so that means he blows money on $hit that doesn't matter. He doesn't know MATH either which means he won't be able to build anything solid with Buck. But guess who does know Math? EDDIE!

He said he wants the family like Buck has with the 118 but he didn't say he wanted a family of his own even though EVERYONE WHO KNOWS BUCK, KNOWS THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS. But who's already given him that? EDDIE!

The question is, how will T*mmy react when he finds out about the will? IMO he'll run away the same way Natalia did after she found out about the sperm donation. Reminder, Buck and Eddie haven't told anyone about the will. Eddie didn't tell AF, Buck didn't tell T.K. and apparently, he hasn't said anything to the male version of T.K. either. But the question is WHY? Because NOT ONCE in CANON has he ever said he wanted to build a family with Buck and guess who else didn't say it? NONE of Buck's previous love interests said it either.

Be clear, it appears T*mmy doesn't want kids and if he does, he probably doesn't want to have any with Buck. Reminder, Abby was Buck's first relationship and SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BUILD A FAMILY WITH HIM. But she went to Europe and found a man who already had two kids then she returned and never apologized to him for ghosting him.

So... for those who keep trying to act like T*mmy is different from any of the women Buck's dated, you're wrong because he's not. The only difference is he's a man but he's just like Taylor, Abby, Ali and Natalia because all T*mmy wants is a good time and he doesn't want to build a family with Buck.

Buck wants a husband, a child and a family WITH EDDIE DIAZ! And the truth is Eddie's already given him a son, a family and a couch.

Eddie Diaz chose Buck years ago and he put Buck in his will because he's in love with him. They'll be together forever while T*mmy continues to run around buying Bull$hit like helicopters while he remains single 🤪😜🙃.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 abc #911 on abc #911 meta #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #911 speculation #anti bucktommy #anti tommy kinard #anti bummy

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wanderingwomanwondering · 5 months

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Fighting has been an important narrative vehicle for Eddie’s character over the years. It’s always about his deep emotional life, Big Feelings, and the stuff he won’t or can’t even look at, consciously approach and/or deal with out loud. Eddie’s cage fighting arc in season 3 was all about him wrestling with grief and feelings of inadequacy as a husband and father. That arc was also wrapped up in Eddie’s feelings of abandonment brought on by Buck’s lawsuit against the LAFD.

The OG Kitchen Scene in 309 was monumental for so many reasons. Eddie and Buck had a vulnerable and intimate conversation about everything that happened and they repaired the rift caused by Buck leaving Eddie (and Chris) in their time of need. But the wild part that we ALL talk about TO THIS DAY was the sexually charged ‘wanna go for the title’ flirtation that Buck (King!) delivered right to Eddie’s face. The belt buckle grab. Eddie’s smirk and later averted gaze. The phallic beer bottles. All of it. My Beloved.

Now in season 7 we have a (healthier and more emotionally available/mature) return to that same internal fight symbolism via Eddie’s 704 Vegas Unification Fight trip with Tommy and his Muay Thai sparring with Tommy. I wrote a meta about some of this last week.

Before Eddie can go for the title with Buck, he’s got to win his fight/sparring matches with Tommy. Right now he and Tommy are going ‘toe to toe’ as Eddie said in 704. It’s a draw between them at the moment. But Eddie has to actually win the symbolic match/fight by taking Tommy’s title aka unequivocally claim his own queer identity and then go get his man.

Eddie is clicking with Tommy and jet-setting to Vegas with Tommy, playing sports with Tommy and sparring with Tommy because, in terms of Eddie’s character arc, Tommy has something Eddie needs! It’s the queer identity piece. It’s gotta be. The show has already established that they’re basically the same person, with the main noticeable difference being that Tommy is an out gay man who knows that part of himself well. Eddie doesn’t fully know the shape and nuance of his own queerness yet. But he will. And when he sorts it out for himself. He’ll be able to return to Buck’s dimly lit (romantic af) kitchen and ‘go for the title’.

Bonus Point #1 - Buck didn’t really know his own queerness either until Tommy kissed him in 704. Buck did in fact ‘go for the title’ but with Tommy four seasons later instead of with the love of his life Eddie. It’ll happen though. It’s been foretold!

Bonus Point #2 - The Kitchen as a setting in 911 is so damn perfect and unhinged. Buck’s kitchen is where the ‘go for the title’ challenge was originally issued and where romantic/flirtatious encounters happened. Eddie’s kitchen is mostly where messes are made. (Honestly I’m just thinking about the Ana break up here.) I think Buddie will eventually find themselves in Buck’s kitchen again, both fully ready for what they mean/are to each other and what they can be together. They will get their kiss. Their unification bout. I also think we’ll finally come full circle with the mess in Eddie’s kitchen and Buddie will clean it up together…as a newly minted couple.

Yeah. Underlying sexual tension is the definition of Buddie at this point. It’s only gotten louder and more textual via Tommy’s introduction. The fight (especially for Eddie) continues. The Buddie tension won’t be ‘underlying’ forever tho. Just. Let ‘em cook. For now.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 meta #tommy kinard #911 3x09 #911 7x04 #911 abc

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diazsdimples · 3 months

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I Need Inspiration Saturday

The semester is finally (almost) over, and once I've handed in my last 4 assignments (that are all due on Monday and I think I might cry) I'll finally be sinking my teeth into some of my wips again. Only problem is, it's been so long since I properly looked at any of them that I have no clue which one to work on. So, I'm gonna put little outlines/ blurbs of all my wips, and then a poll and y'all can tell me which one sounds like something you'd want to see more of. Yells seem to fuel me so this is the best way to get me going I feel. So, here are the wips!

Single Dad's AU (Buddie) - 19.3k written, probably 1/6th done (ish)

Buck is a single father to 2 girls, Carrie (7) and Lily (5), and is a probationary firefighter at the 118. He meets Eddie Diaz at school pickup one day, as Carrie and Christopher are in the same class. Buck and Eddie become fast friends, as do their kids, and Buck convinces Eddie to join the 118. This fic follows canon timelines from seasons 2-3, and shows Buck and Eddie's journey to becoming a family together.

Frostpunk AU (Buddie) - 16.6k written, probably like 1/4 done

The world is a desolate and frozen wasteland, with small clusters of humanity. Buck is a Scout from Sector 118, and he comes across a father and his young son, half frozen, on one of his scouting missions. Buck and his scouting team bring Eddie and Christopher back to Sector 118, where they heal and start their life as citizens of Sector 118, living in Buck's tent with him. Eddie reveals to Buck that he has a mission he needs to complete, one he knows will put him in immediate danger, and begs Buck to look after Christopher once he's gone. Buck refuses to let Eddie go alone and the two brave the elements to search for the missing parts of Eddie's life, their survival resting entirely on their ability to trust and work with one another.

Sleepy Mornings (Buddie) - 2.3k written (2/13 chapters complete)

A selection of small oneshots of all the times Buck and Eddie woke up next to each other, including after Dosed, after the Tsunami, after Eddie's shooting, after Eddie's breakdown, after their first kiss, etc. Cute and fluffy with minimal angst and lots of Buddie pining feels.

Doctor's AU (Buddie) - 2.4k written, fuck knows how close to finished

Eddie Diaz is an Obstetrician/Gynaecologist and Evan Buckley is a Pediatrician, both working at Cedars-Sinai hospital. They meet after Eddie comes to the NICU, upset after a rough c section, and continue to bump into one another at work. They build a fast relationship and have a reasonable amount of sex in ill advised parts of the hospital, whilst performing risky surgeries and saving lives. Also lots of pining (mostly from Eddie) and eventual Buddie relationship.

Ballet Au (Buddietommy) - 1.8k written, *shrugs* who knows.

Buck is a new principal ballerina at the New York City ballet, performing the Nutcracker. He meets Eddie and Tommy, both seasoned ballerinas, and they quickly take him under their wing. Buck didn't factor in falling in love with both men, and initially doesn't know how to act around them. However, when it's clear that they also both want Buck, they fall into an easy dynamic, and quickly become the power-throuple New York never saw coming (honestly this is still very much in the Vibes era)

Sauna Sex (Buddie) - 1,3k written, probably 1/4 done.

Buck and Eddie have sex in a sauna as a way to blow off steam, as it were. Porn without plot, there's really not much else to say other than hot, sweaty men fucking each other's brains out and probably being way too dehydrated.

Buddietommy Kid Fic (Buddietommy) - 4.1k written, probably 75% complete

Buck, Eddie and Tommy celebrate their first father's day with their kids. Just lots of Buddietommy family feels, big brother Christopher, and big men tiny babies. Not saying how many babies though. That would be cheating.

#james writes #911 abc #911 wips #911 fics #911 #911 fanfic #911verse

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goldenshrikecomic · 9 months

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1) Can you tell about Earbust as what kind of dad he is for his sons? When Boneslav aparted to his new job as a travel guide, he seemed a bit distant compared to Loudkill and Gutpull who hugged Bones (tho he said they'll sing for him every round moon). No judging him, just curious and greedy to know more about the stone family!

2) Do you have any real life deer species as reference for coastians? So far we've seen Gitta but for example, what kind of antlers the bucks have? Also were there any coastians as background deers in Gathering scenes?

3) Did you have personality/lore thought for the two marshlander gals (Ouri and Miri if I recall right) in Runi and Nero's herd? Are they related to anyone in the herd?

Happy Holidays and thank you for weekly serotonin and making me an avid deer art enjoyer!

Earbust is super calm and collected, a man with one face but warm heart. He's a very involved father, always willing to listen and comfort, but also demands his boys to think for themselves and figure out who they are on their own. He too was there to hug Boneslav in the departure scene but there was too many more exitable characters to mow him down in the panels.

Coastians are weird and don't operate the same way others do. They're kind of like northerners, an umbrella term but not quite. Their designs vary a LOT because even a mixed deer can become a coastian, and sometimes even full-blooded e.g. woodlander can join them as long as they abandon their woodlander ways and assume theirs. There is original coastian species underneath the mixed masses, but it's not been explored in the comic and I haven't made strict plans for them. For now they only have narrow ears, smooth grey-purplish coats and elegant builds, possibly some crazy eye colors too.

3. Ouri and Miri! They're fillers with not much lore behind them, likely originating from another marshlander herd. I never chose if they were sisters or just Very Good Friends, so their relationship is ambiguous. They're close, pretty much in every scene they're together. In age they fall in-between the youngsters (Nero, Runi, Hovus, Biro) and matureish adults (Luma, Dorus, Vanja etc.) Ouri (left one) might be mute, or just very quiet. Miri talks for her even though there's no panels where she'd utter a word either...

#golden shrike #earbust #boneslav #coastian #ouri #miri #ask

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sunset-bobby · 1 month

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i’m in a silly goofy mood and i want ppl to laugh so um here’s a queer eddie diaz theory i came up with….THIS IS A JOKE

context before reading this: i’m black, im gay, and im writing this high asf okay

All of the straight couples on 9-1-1 are interracial couples

bobby and athena

maddie and chim

except Buck’s past relationships (minus Natalia which considering they wanted to bring her back endgame ship?? like father like son 😉)

and then there’s Eddie who was married to a white woman and then only exclusively dates Hispanic/Latina women then he suffers a psychotic break bc of a white woman (that’s what i’m calling that situation and i don’t remember her name so we’ll call her fake shanon)

now he’s at a stand still bc he should not date again for like a year…a T-break but for relationships lol

but before he was like oh dating sucks i feel so like performative and then when he was going out with fake shannon (it was here i remembered her name but im gonna keep going) all of a sudden he was having a blast and i thought is it white women eddie??? is that it?? bc either that or you’re gay bc Ana was gorgeous and the actress is iffy but like Marisol was okay

and you know maybe it is white women bc this is abc and they love interracial relationships (literally could give u a list lol) but you know who aren’t in interracial relationships??

THE QUEER PPL

Hen and Karen

Michael and David

Buck and Tommy

so clearly there are two solutions for Eddie bc he is nowhere close to having an endgame relationship and like that’s fine but they put a lot of emphasis on his romantic relationships

and option 1: he finds himself another white woman who isn’t shannon or fake shannon and have his family once again ask him why (my ex is white and my mom and i joked that if the fact she was a girl didn’t kill my grandma the fact she was white would)

option 2: he finds himself a nice hispanic man…like he comes out his tia sets him up with a nice boy and he’s like gasp this is the love of my life and he joins the same race queer relationships and lives his best life

uh yea that’s it lol i think im hilarious and again this isn’t serious please don’t come for me😭😭😭 and i was serious abt abc having a thing for interacial couples give me a show….please don’t unfollow me im cool

#911 abc #911 show #911 fandom #911 shitpost #eddie diaz #bobby nash #athena grant nash #maddie buckley han #chimney han #evan buckley #tommy kinard #hen wilson #karen wilson #michael grant #david 911

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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 year

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How is it I've ended up in a situation where i end up writing two costume metas a week now 🤔😂😳 We are sneak peek meta'ing as there is some juicy stuff in the sneak peaks we've had!! First up,

Madney!!

Lots of check - sooooo much check going on here!! the interesting thing about having both of them in check is how they contrast each other - I think we'll see that Maddie is more confused about things than Chimney is as the episode unfolds. Maddies jacket being a variety of check hints at confusion and danger on multiple fronts - I'd be prepared to put money down on Maddie not only reckoning with the Doug of the equation, but also there being further things for her in relation to her parents and some things around Jee-Yun as well. How exactly we'll see all that play out and how much detail they'll go into over it I have no idea, but I can see 2 possibly 3 different tweed chcks on her jacket, so there are likely to be 2 or 3 things that she has to face up to.

Chimneys Check has however been lurking there below the surface all season long and that very much plays into the longer arc we've seen for him this season. I would've loved to have actually seen the joint therapy session we were supposed to get at the start of the season because I'm sure it would've played into this underlying foreshadowing of danger we have for him, but I have a theory about why we didn't end up seeing it. Chimney's check has nearly always been close to his skin - by that I mean shirts rather than jumpers or jackets - and we've seen a lot of times where it is hidden under a plain jumper or jacket. I don't want to jump the gun too much by making crazy predictions, but as well as foreshadowing his season finale injury, I think we might be seeing some foreshadowing for Chimney keeping some stuff close to his chest that we will get to see play out in season 7 - its feeling very much like this season is setting up some sort of Chimney trauma healing arc that is bigger than the smallish stuff we've been given so far - it has always felt a little off that we never really got to dig into the stuff with Chimneys father more than we did and then with the Kevin stuff we got in the last episode, it feels like the show building towards something bigger for him and the costumes are aiding this subtext.

Eddie and Chris

there are all of the things going on here in this scene!! firstly as has already been mentioned - it is the same knit hoodie that Eddie was wearing in 5x14. We'll come back to Eddie though - I want to start with Chris!

This is the first time we've ever seen Chris in a denim jacket, in fact we've never actually seen him in a jacket at all, we've only seen him in hoodies up to this point. there is something about this being the first time we see him wear one - at Shannons grave side. Denim jackets are culturally tied to westerns, cowboys and to Texas. Christopher wearing one here would appear to be a visual way of tying him to the childhood he had with his mother - backing up the conversation about making s'mores with her when he was younger.

We can't not talk about the striped hoodie Stripes according to my theory are all about change incoming - the theory hasn't yet been disproven by the wardrobe department and I get the feeling that here is no different. The idea that a change is coming in Christophers life is one that has been hovering around for a little while and the narrowing of the stripes would suggest that change is getting closer. I can't not mention the fact that the hoodie is also white and grey striped - the horizontal version of Buck shirt from the shooting. this is suggesting two things to me - one it is connecting Chris directly to the fact he nearly lost both parents - sitting at the grave of one parent while wearing something that echoes an outfit from the moment he could've lost a second parent. I also think there is something in the connection to Buck specifically in this - its directly connected to the will and that Chris has a third parent - I can't wait to see if I'm just clowning hard, or if the change the stripes Chris is wearing are foreshadowing some connetion to the will!

I do want to touch on the fact that he has short trousers on here - I'm fascinated by them as a choice because again, they're not something we've seen Chris wearing before and my brain automatically went to Buck and the short trousers he has been wearing a lot of. The ones we see Chris in here are a bit shorter than the ones Buck wears but I do think it was an interesting choice - I hope we get to see Chris moving in them so I can see exactly how short they actually are, because if they are meant to mimic Bucks then that is very much a choice by the costume department - to connect Christophers past with his present and future!

Back to Eddies greenish black hoodie. while there is very much the connection to Buck misunderstanding the assignment and the heart metaphors at play, there is another aspect to this outfit being worn again and that is his therapy session with Frank

You get some weird screenshots from this scene from me because I want you to look at Eddies arm (this is literally the only vaguely decent shot of it I can get from the sneak peek!) and notice how Eddie is very much not wearing his watch - there is no watch to be seen work or home or fancy watch!!! this is very much saying that Eddie isn't racing against time here or any of the other time metaphors that are in play - other than Eddie has time, that Eddie has moved on and is at peace with Shannon now - something also supported by the choice of flowers at the grave.

I love flower meanings (if you hadn't already figured that out) and the bouquet of roses with some goldenrods is interesting! Goldenrods represent happiness and sincerity and are also associated with new beginnings. The roses are in dark red, coral orange, pale yellow and white. Roses are all generally associated with love, but each colour represents a different aspects or types of love. they do also have some other meanings attached to them. Yellow roses are symbols of friendship and they are connected with Dia de Muertos - the day of the dead, where they are a symbol of remembrance. The white roses are a symbol of innocence and purity, but also represent new beginnings (which is why they're often seen at weddings). the red roses are romantic love and the orange ones bridge the gap between romantic love and friendship - interesting that there is the most of these ones - suggesting that Eddies feelings towards Shannon sit more in the fond friendship and remembrance zone rather than the romantic zone - its saying that Eddie has and is moving on from her - that he will always think of her with love and affection, but that those feelings have subsided into something more like friendship. This is a clear symbol of Eddie being ready to move on fro her.

Natalia

Oh there is so much going on here that I can't even begin to tell you!!!

first up - her hand is bound in a handkerchief with what appear to be blue roses.

Roses in general terms mean love - red for romantic, yellow for friendship etc. Blue roses mean unattainable love (because they do not occur naturally - only through artificial means) - so that would suggest that both love is unattainable for both Natalia and Buck in this direction but also that any feelings etc are not real - they can only be achieved through synthetic or artificial means - suggesting that any attempt at a relationship is going to be forced. Blue roses can also mean (especially the lighter shades of blue) emotions - specifically the finding of hope peace and tranquility. So with all of this in mind we end up with the concept of Buck finding what he’s looking for and that Natalia will help him get there, but that it isn't love, its the peace, tranquility and happiness that he's been seeking.

Natalia wearing a black velvet blazer is also a telling choice - here we have a connection to Bucks date not date outfit from 6x13. Not only does this jacket therefore tie into the idea of dates not actually being dates, that one of them may think that a potential date is a date, when it is in fact not one, but it also plays into the mixed feelings title from that episode as well. overall the jacket is playing into the idea of misunderstandings on some level (Buck continuing to misunderstand the assignment!)

I know you're all staring at how pretty she is, but I want you to look at that necklace!! We have seen that necklace before!!

Sorry for the jump scare, but here it is;

Now why on earth would you put Natalia in the very same necklace as Taylor Kelly unless it means something?!!! I wrote this in my 5x16 costume meta about that necklace and its meaning;

The chain she was wearing however - very interesting - well to me at least!! (you might have already read this part if you read my answer to an ask!!) So chains that look like actual chains (as this one does) are usually representative of bondage or incarceration - such as the chains of slavery or the chains worn by prisoners or the idea of chattel - the concept of possession - belonging to someone or something -such as historically when women became the property of men upon the event of their marriage (the ball and chain). non of the associations with chains are positive ones! There is also the location around her neck - its not worn loose or lower down it is literally like a chain collar around her neck - a noose like position.

Basically all of this adds up to Taylor signalling that she is essentially making her self a chattel - staking her claim on Buck through the concept of her being the woman in possession. The thing is though that idea is outdated - Taylor herself is outdated (as in to be history soon) and there are so many quotes about breaking free from chains that bind you and that love frees you from your chains. So if Taylor is putting herself into the idea of being a chain - a noose about Bucks neck - the symbolism becomes as much about Taylors attempts to chattel herself as it is about the concept of Buck freeing himself of the chains binding him and the idea that Love will free him from those chains. Now because this is film/tv - the director will use that chain symbolism to point out the love - the audience knows Taylor is in a relationship with Buck so they will subconsciously connect that chain to him. But where Buck is located - that is where the love is and the audiences eye will be draw to that location - in placing Buck with Eddie and not having him come over to the conversation and therefore standing next to Lucy in any way - it is all done to show where the love that will set Buck free is - and that is with Eddie!!

I stand by all I said in that meta - it is all still relevant. However, the fact they’ve chosen to have Natalia wear the necklace we saw Tay Kay in in 5x16 for that very key scene (when Buck was off flirting with Eddie in the background) is less about Natalia herself trying to stake a claim on Buck and much more about what she represents as a death doula. She is a representation of death and this necklace is playing into the idea of death having a claim over Buck - of Buck feeling like death has a claim over him. It continues to play into the theme of Orpheus and Eurydice's that we saw at play through Carla in 6x11. the concept of Buck still wanting to look back rather than forward and the act of looking back pulling you back to the underworld.

This is telling me that Buck is still drawn by death, that he is attracted to and and chateled or attached to death because he hasn’t yet dealt with any of his route trauma.

The fact that we see the necklace on Tay Kay at the moment she has to reckon with who she thinks is the wedge in her relationship with Buck, may also be telling because reusing it here potentially has a similar theme at play - there is a third person/thing in any relationship they attempt to create - death that Natalia may end up feeling the same way as Tay Kay - not saying she’s going to be petty and weird like TK was, it is more likely she will recognise the wedge is bucks relationship with death - and it will be a catalyst to Bucks healing making progressI standby.

there is another connection that @theladyyavilee 's eagle eyes spotted - the necklace is also the same as a bracelet that Ana is wearing when Eddie comes across her in Jinx

the meanings are similar to those I've already written about - with Ana the other more subtle connection is the reason Eddie bumps into her at all is because of Izzy Chainz - stuck up on his billboard.

The fact that we have Natalia connected to both Taylor and Ana in this way is in and of itself very telling - the connections to them is telling us that things with Natalia and Buck won't work out - as if we needed any further confirmation, the wardrobe department as always have our backs and just add their weight to all the other indicators. There is also the meaning behind Natalias name - birthday - specifically in connection with Christmas day and the birth of Christ - further tying into the theory that Natalia is going to help Buck move on from his death in some way and this will very likely also have some connection with the route of Bucks trauma - Daniel and the reaso he was born and allow him to get ever closer to finding happiness - it just won't be with her

Right that is quite enough going feral over the sneak peeks - hopefully it will tide you over until the episode airs and I can write my full normal meta!!!

#911 costume department i adore you #sneak peek metas #911 costume meta #kym costume meta #911 costumes #flower meanings #911 spoilers #911 on fox #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #maddie Buckley #chimney han #Natalia the death doula #911 fox

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cloveroctobers · 9 months

Text

DECEMBER PROMPTS 🧊 — 2. EVAN BUCKLEY

A/N: spoke it into existence and we get to see the 118 in just a few months! Too excited but disappointed about station 19. Anyways…here’s something fun??? and a little more my speed for the holidays.

PROMPT IS FROM HERE + I’m using: 20.) Caught Under the Mistletoe (teasing, shy, “It’s tradition”)

Synopsis: in which a moody reader wishes they could spend the holidays elsewhere and away from “the most wonderful time of the year,”…until Buck decides to walk through their childhood home.

WARNINGS: reader isn’t a Christmas lover by any means + going through a breakup—10 points for you if you can place the connection, language, family resentment & use of y/n + also gender-neutral friendly!

*GIF BELONGS TO @fireladybuckley !!!

❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩

There were a combination of things that irritated you and Christmas happened to be one of them. Your family was one of those families that happened to be obsessed with Christmas and any sort of gathering, always have been and probably always will be—until they leave this earth. They were the neighbors that were welcoming to any and everyone and encouraged people to come on over with any shindig they threw. Unfortunately for you, you got stuck with attending this Christmas gathering because you moved back to Rhode Island right after you quit being a firefighter.

It was still a topic of many gossiping conversations with your mom’s “good friend,” deciding to bring it up in the living room, “y/n, do you ever want to be married? When are you going to start having a family of your own? Surely you must have found someone in sunny LA?”

Little did she know you did and in Chicago. You were surprised your mother took your boundaries into consideration when sharing certain information to her good friend…or did she know and was simply trying to get a rise out of you? Miriam was “good” at doing that.

You never liked Miriam, sorry not sorry. Mainly because she always had a opinion and liked to compare you to your older siblings. Your older brother was finally engaged to his long time girlfriend who had a face of a model, worked for a successful tech company, while also being a composer on the side and always had a good head on his shoulders. Then the middle child, your older sister was pregnant with twins and recently stepped down from being a pilot after almost fifteen years; was always the charmer and “favorite” according to friends of the family.

“I’ll start as soon as you stop scamming the elderly into marrying you so you can collect a check after they pass,” you smiled sweetly at Miriam, who’s mouth dropped and your older sister fought back a snicker from beside you in the sitting room, “I’m going to get a refill.”

You were just thankful your mother wasn’t near to hear this but you were sure with the snitch she called a best friend, she would repeat it and you would get a earful at some point tonight. Nonetheless you received a wink from your god-father and dad’s best friend up ahead, who was the designated pianist of the night and just finished up a tune by Nat King Cole.

Judah, your godfather was always lending a ear to listen since you were young and it seemed to still be the same sentiment more than your own parents but! That’s a different story for another day. You had to relish in the overload of wreaths that decorated every cabinet in your childhood kitchen, lightly scoffing and shaking your head as you filled up the flute with more champagne.

Sure you didn’t want to spend the holidays sulking but it only seemed to kick in more once people always felt the need to butt into your life. They didn’t speak on your accomplishments because it was never deemed as good enough, it was always a rule to follow into your family’s footsteps. Your mom’s a respectable elementary school teacher who hosts book clubs on Sunday’s with once strangers turned friends, your dad builds sailboats and is heavy involved in charity work and not just to say he did it but because of his own tough upbringing, your brother’s traveling all over the world due to his craft of being a composer and is so in love with his soon to be wife Alani, who’s also involved in building medical centers for poor communities—not just on her native land of Hawaii but countries as well, and your sister always knows just what to say to any and everyone, she’s so likable and building her family with a great guy, who isn’t just putting on for the cameras since he happens to be a well-known athlete.

Then there’s you…the sibling that’s just floating through life at thirty-one years old. Back at home with their parents after giving up a job that you thought you saw yourself doing up until retirement. Your head’s always been in the clouds but when your eyes were set on something you weren’t ever afraid to give it a try. Thats exactly what you did choosing to go to the academy out in California and worked your ass off to be a firefighter. You weren’t a fan of what people said after your severe injury…you just wanted to move on and always felt like you would be a firefighter at heart no matter what.

Most didn’t get that and it wasn’t okay with you but that didn’t stop you from putting one finger in the air.

Life will always lead you places and Rhode Island wasn’t your first choice but it was your best choice with the way the world shifts. Which is why you just wanted to get this holiday over with so it didn’t feel like you were constantly sinking from the inside out. The pretty lights, delicious eats, spending time with family, and finding joy was supposed to be a given but instead you were just ready to kick this year to the fucking curb for good.

If anyone asked you, New Years was way better because you can always start over especially if the year prior was not it for you. However one good thing came out of this year, you were one step closer to getting that home in New Mexico.

It took drumming on the counter to bring you out of your thoughts, making you snap your eyes at your brother who had a wicked grin on his round face. After pulling a face, you side eyed him, “what, Marcus?”

“Is that anyway to talk to your big brother?” He leaned against the counter, at pure ease.

Sipping at the flute, the bubbly went down nicely before you popped your tongue at the after taste then you responded, “what did you do?”

The thirty-seven year old sighs, “I didn’t do anything but you might want to send that energy to Larissa.”

Quickly glancing over your shoulder, you craned your neck to see back into the sitting room but couldn’t see your very pregnant sister anywhere. Shrugging your shoulders you turn back to the amusement on your brother’s face, “I don’t see her anywhere, so stop with the games and just spill.”

The both of you turned to the new voice that enters the kitchen from the left, “There you are! Look who I’ve found outside.”

If there was one person you wanted to push into the fireplace, now make it two, meaning you adding your sister to that list. Your eyes burned into her pretty beaming smile as she lightly jabbed a thumb in Evan Buckley’s direction. From behind them you spotted your brother-in-law, Kheri ready to enter the kitchen from the same opposite end but abruptly stopped as he easily picked up on what was happening and spun back around, hoping not to be seen by Larissa.

“Uh hey, y/n.” Evan awkwardly waved in your direction before you clenched your eyes shut and deeply exhaled.

Marcus whispers from your right, “that’s what.”

“I got it, Mark.” You hissed while he raised his hands in surrender, letting out a low whistle that sounded just perfect.

Evan glanced back and forth between the siblings, frowning, “I’m getting the sense that you were blindsided about me coming.”

A cackle bubbled past your lips while Larissa bounced on her toes, “I may have forgotten to mention it but when a party is going on…you just get wrapped up in so many other things.”

Evan nodded his head at this but he didn’t entirely believe that.

“Bullshit,” Marcus coughed out before smiling at Evan.

Larissa added, “I thought that you would be happy to see a friendly face here, y/n. I mean—you hate everyone else so…voila! You’re welcome.”

You declared, “If you weren’t pregnant with my nephews, I might just beat your ass to sleep with a lump of coal.”

“Hot coal or cold?” Larissa hummed, tapping her dimpled chin.

You scoffed, “I’d let you pick bitch.”

“How sweet,” Larissa winked as she turned back to pat Evan on the shoulder, “as you can see, this is a loving household and you’re only going to make it better for my dear sibling. So thank you so much for coming, Evan Buckley.”

Evan tilted his head to the side at this whole interaction, breathing out a laugh, “well…you kinda bullied me to so…”

“Oh is that how the conversation went down?” Marcus shoved some chips into his mouth, ignoring the glare you sent him.

“But,” Evan added, “I wanted to be here, it was the right thing to do and I missed you guys. Not really the east coast since it’s pretty damn cold here, man i keep forgetting that but it’s always nice to see a white Christmas and some faces that feel like home you know?”

Larissa placed her hand on her chest, “now wasn’t that beautiful, y/n?”

“So beautiful that I almost want to vomit on you, Larissa.” You coo at the Bob-wearing woman while Marcus continues watching this match.

Larissa scowled, “stop being a Scrooge and just be glad that Otis was busy.”

*Jazz music stops playing*

“What?” You gritted at the mention of your recent breakup.

Flights out to Chicago tended to get pricer and tricker during the whole pandemic but lucky for you, you managed your money much better now.

“Wrong thing to say,” Marcus mumbles, seeming to be the only one in the room that was aware that this was a touchy subject.

Swallowing you turned to the eldest in the room, “Did you know about that too, Mark?”

Marcus sighs, “I was there for that conversation yes…but I didn’t think Rissa was serious about Buckley after the call with Otis didn’t exactly work out.”

You couldn’t grasp why they—Larissa would think it would be okay to go behind your back and call Otis in the first place?!

“Is this what you’re gonna be like now, Ris? Trying to mold my love life and be in my business because you’re too bored with motherhood?” You snapped at the thirty-five year old who looked taken aback.

Larissa slowly speaks, “woow! That was kinda hurtful…I was just trying to do something nice because you always get like this around this time of the year and I figured a person you deeply adore would cheer you up but obviously I was wrong.”

Deeply adore felt like another stab to you.

Holding your hands out, you say enough just by that action which makes Larissa roll her eyes. She turns to the sea eye colored man and says, “Good luck with that one, the sticks pretty far up their ass this evening.”

Laughing to yourself, you don’t bother watching your sister leave the kitchen and turn back to the fridge in search of the desserts instead.

“Well…that was not as entertaining as I would have liked but you know that comment wasn’t cool right?” Marcus says while you send him a middle finger from inside the fridge, “noted but you better be over this damn attitude by the morning.”

Here you are in your thirties and you still had your brother thinking he can boss you around.

He says a few words to Buck and once the coast is clear, you spin back around to place the fruitcake on the large island counter. Just staring at the dessert makes you further nauseous and you motion with your eyes, “want a slice?”

“…only if you’ll join me?” Evan sucks air through his teeth, trying to put on a smile although it was more of a grimace.

You snicker, “don’t say what you think I want to hear. I wouldn’t feed this to Dudley.”

Evan begins to look around at the mention of the old bloodhound, “no way! He’s still alive?”

“Very much and probably sticking up the house somewhere away from everyone,” you laugh at the thought of the gassy dog as you pick up the cake, analyzing it in disgust before making your way to the garbage.

Evan nodded, “Ah so like it’s owner?”

“Watch it Buckley,” you wag a finger at him, “you just got here and you’re already talking shit to me?”

“I thought that’s what friends are for?” He shows off his laughter lines before taking a seat on one of the the bar stools, while you glanced at the flute and expensive champagne bottle before choosing the bottle it’s self, “…I would ask how’ve you been but I don’t know what kind of answer I’m going to get.”

Shrugging your shoulders you take a swing from the bottle and go into a two step as, “Holly Jolly Christmas,” beings to play making Buck shake his head at you playfully, “just jolly can’t you tell? I mean we haven’t spoken in months since I left LA—

“Right,” Buck agreed, “I wanted to give you some space and I thought I was being a good friend giving you that, although there were plenty of times where I just wanted to hear your voice.”

You snort, “don’t get mushy on me, Ev.”

Evan sighs, “and you ghosted me a few times.”

“Out of the respect of your relationship with Taylor—

“You didn’t even like Taylor or Abby?” Evan frowns, “and that was before we decided to give each other a try and with you debating about quitting after what happened at the parking garage.”

Long story short: you were at the 118 six months before Evan Buckley ends up walking through the doors. At the beginning you had everyone fooled with the way you gave him the cold shoulder in the beginning, as if your mothers weren’t the best of friends and you didn’t alternate summers between Rhode Island and Pennsylvania. You were forced to be friends but it’s not ever something you truly regretted. It’s like Toy Story, you had a friend in Buck and that was something you were thankful for. The both of you bonded over just being in the moment and while he was more impulsive than you, you found your footing just a bit earlier than he did.

You went to California as soon as you reached eighteen and fell in love with it that you didn’t ever want to come back. You didnt have dreams of being a firefighter but you were always passionate about having a positive impact on someone’s lives and fighting fires didn’t sound so bad. By the time you came back after visiting and being forced to go to the community college for half a semester, you withdrew and left without a word. It took a shared phone call from Buck and Maddie to get you to answer, with Maddie pleading with you just to call your parents whereas Buck encouraged you to keep going.

Shortly after, he was traveling around the world and sending you postcards too. Evan was always just your friend that you spent summers with then holidays and then birthdays to speaking on AIM if not every day then every other day. It was clear that the both of you were meant to be in each others lives…until you made the terrible decision to catch feelings. Out of all of the years that you’ve known this guy, you just had to feel a way—despite him fooling around on the job, which you tore into him more than bobby did. From random hook ups to potentially serious relationships—that you never agreed with, you just had to do it and you were stubborn and fought it for so long.

Having your face almost crushed by concrete would do it to you. You didn’t know if you were going to make it, that was your real taste of death—although you got hurt on the job before this was the one that really had you questioning everything. The team outside of the parking garage tried to keep Buck from getting to you but if there’s a will, there’s a way. You tried to blame it on the partially crushed skull once Buck brought it back up at not the best timing—after physical therapy but he was firm and stood on the words shared.

He broke up with Taylor, you told him to give it time and if he truly still felt the same months later, you’d give it a go. He respected that and once you were back to normal as you can be, it happened and it was short lived because you didn’t take the topic of marriage with him seriously. And it had nothing to do with what he thought.

Evan Buckley was always good enough, if not more.

“It was better getting used to the idea of not being in each others lives.” Was what you went with.

Evan pressed his arms onto the counter, “what do you mean?”

Sipping from the bottle again you state, “you must have felt the same way I felt when I got the news that you were struck. Like time is only temporary. We’ve known each other since we were what? Fourteen-fifteen? And sure that feels like forever but it really just means it starts over.”

Evan stares at you from underneath his eyelashes, “so…declining our friendship was the better answer for you?”

“Oh I’d think we’d always be friends…even if there’s distance.”

“That you created.” Evan points out, “I didn’t think you believed in alternate universes.”

You swallow, “I didn’t, until you told me what it was like in that coma.”

“Then you left…to be with Otis.” Evan fills in the blanks while wiggling his eyebrows which makes you scoff, “want to talk about it?”

You blink, “I just told my sister to mind her business…do you want me to deliver the same thing? Let’s catch up and focus on you…I’m surprised you’re not in PA.”

“I let Maddie and chim deal with that.” Evan says, “Christmas Eve was enough for me and poor Jee, I should have taken her with me.”

Resting your chin against the palm of your hand you say, “that bad huh?”

“Ah the usual. You know how parents can be,” Evan chats, “they’re really pushing to meet Natalia.”

Squinting you try to recall the name as Evan informs, “right…uh someone I met on the scene. She’s a death doula.”

“A what?”

“Someone who helps people who are facing death find peace with it. Like the good version of what a hospice is supposed to be.” Buck tells, coming to terms that there has been gaps in what they should know, yet this was what you wanted apparently.

Tapping against the glass you say, “and she’s your…girlfriend?”

“Well, yeah.” Buck smiles a bit while you hum, taking a swing from the bottle, “what was that response?”

You shrug, “just surprised your parents would want to meet her…does Maddie like her?”

“She doesn’t not not like her.” Evan frowned.

“How long have you been dating?”

“Not long…uh what’re you getting at?”

“Look, I don’t know her and I’m not going to further rain on anybody’s parade but just be careful. Take your time you know?”

Evan scratches at his birth mark above his brow and huffs, “thought you were a big believer in time not lasting forever and starting over…That’s what I’m doing.”

Nodding your head you say, “I’m not judging you.”

“Good because my plan wasn’t to argue with you here at your childhood home in the kitchen on Christmas.” Buck tells as he takes in the decor, “We can hash anything else out at a later date because it’s the most wonderful time of the year right? I’m here until the 31st by the way.”

“When exactly did you drop in?”

“The 21st.”

“Oh you’re staying for awhile.”

“I think I should.” He waved his hand for the bottle which he takes a swing at and lets out a deep burp, excusing himself with a grin after you scrunch up your nose.

Snatching the bottle back you leave it unattended as you peek through the trays of food, thinking about another round since the preview of desserts were lackluster.

“Huh,” Buck says now peering above his head, “when did that get up there?”

Turning you attention back to a old friend in the maroon sweater, you follow his gaze to the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling above his head. “Which one of your siblings pulled this one?”

“Don’t think that was their doing honestly,” you reputed, “feels very traditional and something my dad would do.”

Evan thinks about it and seems to agree, remembering how affectionate the man tended to be back then. “Well…it’s tradition and we shouldn’t break it.”

“Don’t know if you notice Ev, I thought the all black attire would be a giveaway but I simply do not care about this holiday.”

“I’ve noticed—

“And didn’t you just say you have a girlfriend? I can kiss anybody else and tend to very soon.” You almost went into a daydream state of the all the possible contenders you’d lock lips with in just a few days.

“True but who are you going to find that’s as gorgeous as me?” Buck challenged as he placed a hand on his chest.

“Did Eddie fly in with you guys?”

“That’s not funny.”

“So you cross the line at your work husband but not nat the death doula?” You quizzed the tousled haired man.

“Why are you giving her a whole title like that?”

“It’s Natalia’s profession…?”

“Yeah but nobody calls you: y/n the retired firefighter turned air traffic controller.”

“You don’t know that and you just did.”

Buck felt his eye twitch, “I was giving an example!”

“Hey, inside voices! The singing and music is loud enough. Not to mention the carolers that will be here by eight and will probably give me nightmares tonight—

Evan shakes his head, “no I don’t think you understand. We have to kiss or else it’s going to bring bad luck in our love lives for who knows how long and I could really use a consistent love and what better person to do that with than you.”

One thing about Buck, he was a thousand percent superstitious but that wouldn’t stop you from poking fun.

“Evan Matthias Buckley…are you flirting with me?” You tease as you caress the counter while slowly make your way around the island.

The man appears almost shy now as you grip his face, taking in the features you’ve come to known and appreciate. Evan was still him regardless of the miles you put in between each other. With his hands now on your waist you enjoyed the moment because face it, it was always nice to be held, so you stared into his eyes for a moment and then his tulip tinted lips.

Lips that you didn’t mind on yours or anywhere on your body once upon a time…until you self sabotaged. You could have married evan and would have in a heartbeat but you also felt marriage wasn’t for you. You didn’t want to fuck that up just like you did everything else.

And that wasn’t really true, that’s just the bad parts of your brain getting in the way but you were working it out in therapy. However a smile was on your lips now that you pressed your forehead to the man that’s seen all sides to you before and you could have sworn Evan was holding his breath, just wondering how this would work.

Yet he was the one insisting that they share a kiss!

Caressing the scruff that was along his jaw, you lightly pinched his face, holding him in place as you put a lingering kiss right beside the corner of his lips. The deflation was evident and you didn’t know whether to take that as relief or disappointment but Evan pulled you into a hug filled with warmth anyway.

Which you welcomed, arms locked around his broad shoulders before resting a hand on the back of his head. He squeezed you just right and if you wanted to be in your soft era tonight, you may have shed a tear but pushing that to the side felt better for now. It’s been awhile but you didn’t want to cross that line especially if things were serious with Natalia.

Evan didn’t know about Otis or how you were battling moving on from that but he’ll take what he can get from you. Whenever you were ready then he’d always be around and that’s something he wanted to remind you of but being here with you on this holiday—even if you were being a complete grinch about it! felt like he made the right decision.

“You know Ev Bev,” you started as you pulled back but kept your hands locked around his shoulders, “has anyone ever told you that you reek of spruce?

Evan blinks, “no one’s ever told me I smell like a tree before…but considering the job? I’m not offended.”

“Well I am. You’re supposed to boycott all things Christmas with me if you still consider yourself my bestie,” you shook your head in sorrow.

You’re ready to untangle yourself but Evan just tightens his arms around you, leaning forward to get a whiff of you, “and you smell like fruitcake.”

Faux gagging gets Evan to widen his eyes and loosen his grip, “don’t make me sick—

“I think that’s enough champagne for you.”

“You’re right, it has my toes buzzing but I can definitely go for something stronger which my parents don’t have but I’ll sneak out before the Carolers get here to get some.”

“Or…you can find the true beauty in Christmas that doesn’t have anything to do with alcohol.” Evan offered while you gave him a unimpressed stare, “maybe next year then?”

“Oh I plan to as soon as the new year hits and I get some answers.” You unravel yourself from him and move to take a seat on the other velvet stool.

Evan holds his hands out, “…care to elaborate?”

“Sure, why the hell not? After spending too much time here and becoming financially stable, I’ve finally decided to buy a house.” You give jazz hands.

“That’s fantastic news!” Evan perks up, “Wait…does anybody else know?”

“Nope, just you my friend.” You sigh, “I should know if they accepted my offer by the 29th the realtor says but can expect some delays based on the stupid holidays so…fingers crossed.”

Evan snickers, “then that’s something to celebrate and I’m sure your family will be happy for you.”

“Maybe, maybe not. My decisions are always based on selfishness apparently.” You fold your hands, “I know the first thing that’s going to be said and then comes the guilt tripping but I don’t want to be in this place anymore. I’ve been here a good portion of my life and had to come back because the world decided to go apocalyptic. I’m tired of feeling stuck and New Mexico can be the freedom I’ve always been searching for.”

Evan took in your words carefully. He knew you weren’t always this down but stepping away as a firefighter definitely triggered that and the old childhood insecurities resurfaced living here again although you tried to bury them. He’s been around the world while your family tried to keep you sheltered—even into your adulthood, you were always the one who wanted something different than them. Evan saw that the first day he met you and instantly took a liking to you, although it took more convincing on your end. New Mexico was far from Rhode Island but not too bad from Los Angeles.

“It will be and we’ll make the best of it.” Evan squeezed the tension from between your shoulder blades.

Looking at him you echo, “we?”

“Do you really think you can keep hiding from me? Now that you let me back in, you’re not getting rid of me again.” Evan grinned in excitement while you groaned, “We have a house to plan for, like when’s the expected move in date when you’re approved?”

You shrugged, “realtor man Danny didn’t tell me that exactly but if I had to guess, probably sometime in February.”

“That works,” Evan nods, “if it falls around Maddie’s birthday I might just suggest New Mexico.” He winks at you while you scoff.

“Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun? Who’s to say I’d even give you my address?”

Despite saying this you knew Buck would always find a way and it’s not something you were truly against. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss seeing him around but ultimately that was your choice.

“Ouch, that’s no way to treat the guy that’s had your back since we were kids and is about to make you a mean peppermint mocha.” Evan says in a sing song tone as he drums on the table before sliding down from the chair.

Tilting your head at the thought you reply, “will it be spiked?”

Evan shakes his head as he makes his way over to the espresso machine, “I’m trying to save your liver so that’ll be a negative.”

“Boooo! Buck sucks more than Santa! Tomato, tomato.” You gave a thumbs down as Evan chuckles to himself.

Buck was attempting to bring you holiday cheer, you could feel yourself sort of exhaling as you watched him move around the kitchen. Whenever Evan was around, it usually felt like putting the negative on pause because you tended to forget about it for awhile thanks to his infectious spirit.

“Are you two playing nice?” The voice of your brother, Mark fills the room as he enters the kitchen once more and now holding the hand of his fiancée, Alani who teasingly scrunches her nose up with a smile at you two.

Throwing your head back, you sigh, “as nice as I can be, Marcus.”

“That’s not saying much,” he goes to elbow Buck jokingly, who nods with a shrug.

Alani takes the seat beside you, “so…what we really want to know is, did you guys share a kiss and decide to fall deeply in love with each other?”

“Lani!” Marcus warns while the curly haired woman lifts her shoulders.

You laugh, “and this is why I’ve always liked you Lanz, you’re never on any bullshit, unlike Mark and Ris.”

“Yikes, I’m not touching that one.” Alani reached for the champagne bottle.

“You may have actually made her cry by the way,” Marcus announces making Evan peer at you over his shoulder.

Turning your eyes into slits you question, “made who cry?”

“Larissa.”

You huff, “she pissed me off.”

“Yeah but you didn’t have to attack her motherhood which she has yet to really experience…” Marcus states and you take a breath.

You knew that comment was harsh but you never lacked a back bone. When anyone got on your nerves, you were going to tell them and didn’t care who they were or where you were. It’s a defense mechanism and yes that was something else you were working on.

“I’ll make up with her after I get into this spiked peppermint mocha.” You grinned in content.

Evan corrects, “how many times do I have to tell you, it’s not spiked?”

“Until you change your mind, sugar plum.”

“Yuck,” Marcus laughs while Alani smirks.

Sooner than later, Buck is handing out four cups of peppermint mocha and crouches over the counter beside you as you all take in the festive drink while, “Deck the halls,” starts to play for the sixth time this evening. Normally you would be considering sticking your head inside of the oven or making your severe allergic reaction act up by eating a gingerbread cookie just so you could get out of listening to this boring music but somehow you tune it out.

Physical touch was how Buck liked to be loved so you didn’t think much of it as you looped a hand around the crease of his arm. acts of service was how he gave love. He glanced over at you while you listened to whatever your brother was blabbing about and when you caught his stare, you thought to yourself, maybe reconnections should have been on your wishlist.

A tender peppermint kiss to your temple was enough to solidify that and this time? You fought the urge to playfully smack Evan’s scruffy jaw to get off you and allowed the affection from the man you knew for years.

You let the love soak in, as cheesy as it sounds but isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Who really knows?

You’re more of a New Year’s Eve lover anyway…

❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩

Check back for my ~5 days of Xmas~ anthology prompts here.

#Spotify #queued #911 #911 abc #911 fox #Evan Buckley #evan buck buckely #Evan Buckley x reader #buck x reader #December prompts #Christmas prompts #Oliver stark #maddie buckley #howard chimney han #Eddie diaz #bobby nash

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moonsharky · 2 years

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comalandia ∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° 911 fox + not so obvious nods to buck's memories

only the not really obvious ones, and i'm sure theres probably some i missed but oh well. image descriptions have explanations too. see the end for honourable mentions

[Image Description:

10 gifs of Evan "Buck" Buckley (and others) from 9-1-1, during his coma dream in season 6 episode 11, with older episodes too.

Gif 1: Buck - in his coma dream - sits on the couch between his brother and their father, beer in hand for all three of them. To the left of the couch is a shelf that holds a lamp, and in front of the lamp is a framed picture of the bar Buck tended in Peru. The picture contains the dark wood bar top encircled by a bunch of colourful barstools.

Gif 2: In Peru, season 4 episode 5, we see Connor talking to an off-screen Buck. Connor leans his elbows on the bar top. Next to him we can slightly see the same bright barstools as in the photo. In the background are tables and chairs that match the vibe. It's not a glaringly obvious nod, but it's definite.

Gif 3: In the lobby of the hospital within the coma dream Buck stands with Hen and Chimney as they try to figure out why it feels like Buck is dying and how he can get back to his life outside. Behind Buck walks two people in traditional South Asian attire; one in a dark blue and silver detailed sari, and the other wearing a head covering, but with an indiscernible outfit because Buck's body stands in the way of view.

Gif 4: In season 1 episode 5, a bride-to-be stands in front of a tall mirror, wearing a bright red sari with gold details, as her friend/bridesmaid helps her prepare for the wedding. We know the last gif is a nod to this specific moment (and not just people in the background) for two reasons; one, because it's an important part of Bobby's story in season 1, and two, because we have never seen Indian people in traditional clothing before or since.

Gif 5: The camera focus is mainly on Bobby, following him as his quickly rushes past Buck in the coma dream, so the background is a blink and miss it situation. A doctor tends to a patient with a high heel shoe embed in their left cheek.

Gif 6: Season 2 episode 6, has Chimney talking to one of the parents of the child beauty queens, who has a high heel shoe stabbed into the left cheek.

Gif 7: In the background of a few shots within Buck's coma journey throughout the hospital, you can see two people in khaki/beige ensembles. They stand as if they're guarding whatever is on the other side of the glass doors behind them. At first inspection, they could easily be passed off as nurses. But looking closer, it seems like no other nurses have worn this colour of scrubs before in the show. Mostly it's blue, sometimes maroon or even pink. But never khaki. This combined with the way they hold themselves, makes me think of the two prisoners that pretend to be guards.

Gif 8: In season 5 episode 6, two prisoners have taken the uniforms of guards in order to blend in and escape. They rummage through the personal belongings of said guards, seeing what they can take. The colour is the exact same as the two from the hospital in Buck's coma dream. And again, the way they stand brings me to think of these two.

Gif 9: Buck and Bobby walk through the hospital, past some open curtains where beds are. They pass a few pregnant people, all in varying degrees of athleisure wear. It appears that they may all be in labour.

Gif 10: Buck and Bobby respond to a call where pregnant parents begin to go into labour one after the other. All wearing clothing comfortable enough to do yoga in.

honourable mentions:

When Buck first awakens within his coma, he looks up at Daniel as Daniel talks, giving the rundown of what happened. In the top left corner, the television is on, a news segment playing. The headline reads "VA HOSPITAL WAIT TIMES." The second line is hard to read, but this is going on the same time that Buck has his first memory, which just so happens to be of Eddie. Eddie, who is an Army Vet. Whom in comalandia fights to keep his son, but doesn't have the right support systems. It feels like this is somehow a little hint to that storyline.

When Buck arrives home in his voma dream to his parents waiting for him, he wears a white shirt with wide spaced grey pinstripe. Much like the one he was wearing when Eddie got shot. It's not the same shirt I don't think, but hugely similar. Also there's a photo on his computer desk, but the image is too pixelated and far away for me to figure out what it is, though it may be another nod to something.

In the hospital waiting room of comalandia, another TV is turned on to the news, black smoke billowing on the footage on screen. I can't make out what the headline says. But it can definitely hint at many different things in the show, as Buck is a firefighter after all.

Christopher shows up in Buck's coma dream, and he wears a three toned horizontally striped tee under a hoodie. The stripes alternate between an almost green shade of blue, a dark blue, and white. Not sure where from, but I swear Chris has worn this shirt before, or even something similar.

/END ID]

#911 abc #evan buckley #moonsharkygif #userhotdog #userdahlias #useraust #usermoonlight #usercorinne #ajlook #911edit #evanbuckleyedit #buddie #if u squint i kinda hint at it lol #eddie diaz #alcohol tw #blood tw #gore tw

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wackybuddiemewbs · 6 months

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Still not done. For reasons. Wacky brian go brrrrr. Happy new season, peeps!

This Future We Choose

Part 3/???

Part 1 • Part 2

Buck knew this was going to bite him in the ass eventually. He just had hoped it would be a while longer until he’d have to face the consequences for his actions. He will blame his stupidly bruised ribs for it, but of course his research material had to slide out of his folder and sail to the ground, just as he was about to show his sister the seating table he’d prepared for the wedding.

And of course, Maddie instantly recognized what those papers were, picked them up before he could bend down himself, and gave him that look.

While everyone knows by now that him and Natalia are no longer a thing, this was the thing he’d meant to keep between himself and Eddie a while longer. But fortune continues to be anywhere but on his side.

So his time is up, as his sister’s stern look at him will tell him with utmost surety.

“What are these?” Maddie asks.

“Research?” Buck answers, tight-lipped.

“Why are you researching that?”

“Coz I wanted to?”

Maddie rolls her eyes at him. “Evan.”

“Well, what do you think?” he grumbles.

“So you… seriously consider adoption? Or fostering a child?” she asks, her tone shifting to something more serious and thus something Buck knows he will find impossible to escape from.

Buck can feel his jaw tensing up. “That’s what started it, yeah.”

It started out feeling great, actually. Buck felt the usual excitement he has bubbling up in his stomach when he finds a new field of interest and learns all about it. It felt like it was all coming together, like he was coming back together, like he was heading in all the right directions at long last.

But it doesn’t matter how you start the journey, it matters how you end it.

And Buck got the sinking feeling a while ago that this journey ended before it ever truly began.

“I had… no clue, to be honest. That this is something you were considering now. I mean, I always knew you wanted kids, but… this is much more concrete than just a general wish to want children further down the road,” Maddie mutters pensively, her eyes drifting back to the brochures.

Buck rolls his shoulders. “Well, I guess actually dying sheds some light on how short life is.”

Maddie shoots him a stern look yet again, the kind of look that makes him cringe the same way it did when he was still a kid. Buck knows he shouldn’t be joking about it as much as he still does, especially with Maddie present. But sometimes, he can’t help himself. Not because he thinks death is funny, that his death was. But, as of late, he starts to think that his death was indeed some kind of cosmic joke at his expenses.

So why shouldn’t I laugh it up, at least?

“A lot’s happened this year that made me look at what I really want in life,” Buck chooses to say instead. “And… and one thing I can say for sure is that I want to become a father.”

Maddie touches his forearm lightly. “That’s great. It really is. And I’m not… I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

“I get that. I was surprised, too,” Buck replies.

“But… why would you keep this from us, from me? This is great news!”

Buck makes a face. “Because it’s weird?”

Because it’s futile?

“You wanting kids is not weird at all. Honestly, I’m still surprised you don’t have one already. You always loved kids, so much. And you’re great with them. I mean, just look at Jee doting on you. And you sure came around a lot, so I wondered that you didn’t…,” Maddie says, her voice trailing off.

Buck nudges her lightly. “Hey, I got the talk early on in my life. And I was taught very emphatically to always use protection, always.”

“Don’t remind me,” she grunts. “Because I was the one who had to give the talk to you.”

“I appreciated the diagrams and the flash cards. Has me very sure you’re gonna put out the greatest PowerPoint presentation ever for Jee, once it’s time to talk about the birds and the bees,” Buck laughs.

“So, there’s nothing weird at all about you wanting kids. I find it weird that you’ve been keeping this to yourself for so long, though. I mean, judging by the dates on some of the printouts, you’ve been doing research for a few weeks, at least,” Maddie says, gesturing at the apparent evidence of his own failures.

“Well, once it dawned on me that this is what I wanted, I guess I just wanted to get a better understanding of what’s involved in the process before announcing my intentions,” Buck explains. Which is true enough. He figured that research would make it less scary, less daunting. While Buck is considered to be somewhat the “daredevil” on the job, he can’t say the same is true when it comes to those private matters. That’s why he actually went through the hassle to print things out, to have physical proof, to make this just a bit more real.

But in the end, none of it worked.

In the end, it’s all just fantasy and make-believe.

“But why not talk to me?” He can hear the pain there, which Buck probably should have anticipated.

“I wasn’t trying to keep this from you,” he tells her in all earnest. Sure, Buck didn’t want to talk about it, but he didn’t want to leave Maddie out of the picture in particular.

I just wanted to have something to show for it. And look at me now, winding up empty-handed yet again.

“But you did not want to tell me, even though you’re sure that this is what you want,” she argues. “I just want to understand why.”

“I… I don’t know. I felt like I needed more information before saying anything, to anyone. I just started out with the premise that I wanted to be a father, really. But how? That was a big question mark for me. It still is. So I figured that I’d want to know what to announce at least, like… I wanna foster, I wanna adopt…”

She shakes her head slowly. “That’s not why you wouldn’t say anything, though.”

And of course she is right, of course Maddie sees through it. She’s been trained at reading him since they were children. Maddie raised him, so she sees the things that Buck is always busy to hide. And while it still saddens him that his big sister had to shoulder that responsibility, Buck knows that she will keep watching out for him the same way he looks out for her.

Us against the rest of the world, right?

“If you know the answer already, then why do you keep asking?” Buck doesn’t meet her gaze, he can’t.

“Because I’d rather hear it from you,” Maddie answers.

He sighs. “Honestly? I feel like it’s a good thing I didn’t announce anything, because I feel like this isn’t going anywhere.”

Maddie blinks at him. “So you don’t want to… be a father anymore?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then why doesn’t it go anywhere?” She frowns.

Buck did, too, frown a lot, at himself. He frowned at the reflection in the bathroom mirror, his faint outline on the computer screen. He frowned at his own thoughts, and his own feelings. Because they didn’t make sense anymore. Whatever he thought he had figured out about himself, it did not fit together. Like he found some puzzle pieces, but they come from different sets.

“Because the more I look at those brochures and papers, the more I realize that this isn’t… that’s not me,” Buck admits.

“Well, there’s other options.”

“I know.”

He researched, he looked, he tried to find something different. Only to come back to the same spot over and over again. To be stuck, all over again.

Because fortune is not my friend. Because I seemingly have to keep living in waiting mode.

“But?”

“But I don’t want any of those options,” Buck says.

“So you want to be a father… but you don’t want to go for any of the options that’d make you a father?” Maddie asks, looking rightfully confused.

And if you put it like that, it really makes absolutely no sense at all. Which seems oddly fitting. Because Buck has a tendency to want the things he knows for a fact he can’t have. His parents’ love, for who he is, and not just for who he can be to other people. The feeling of being enough, of no longer needing any software updates. A world where he’s enough to protect the people he loves from all harm there is.

And someone to love me anyway.

“I didn’t pretend like this was making any sense, so I won’t start now,” Buck grumbles. He fixes his gaze on Maddie, looking at her with pleading eyes. “Can we just pretend like this never happened?”

He is really good at that, for better or worse.

“No,” is the definitive answer from his big sister, which he knew would come.

“Pretty please with sprinkles on top?” he bargains anyway.

“Evan.”

Buck knows that when Maddie uses that tone of voice when saying his name, there is really no escape anymore. Because Maddie is one of the few people who can actually speak to Evan. The vulnerable kid who only ever cried wolf to be loved by the people who refused to see him. The kid that was willing to bleed out for just one concerned look from his mother and father.

Buck keeps Evan deep inside his chest, for precisely that reason. Because he is that fragile, that broken, inside and out. Buck is stronger than that. He has grown. He has matured. He built up enough scar tissue and callouses. His bones broke often enough, and grew together strong, so he can catch himself if he falls. And he found other people to look at him a different way, to help him back to his feet.

Perhaps foolishly, Buck still tries to protect Evan as much as he can from the outside world. Because Evan doesn’t know how to seem fine. Evan only knows how to get hurt to be seen. Evan knows how to bleed, but not how to stop the bleeding. Buck knows how to become good at bearing the pain without anyone seeing. So not to become a burden.

But he knows he can’t fool Maddie. Because she knows Evan as well as Buck. She loves them both. And she will always manage to lure Evan out of the box deep inside Buck’s chest, the way she’s always managed since they were kids. But once he is outside, Buck knows he can’t shield him, and he can’t keep him from showing all the places he aches that’d Maddie mean to kiss better.

“You want to be a father, but you don’t want to go with any of the options that might make that wish come true,” Maddie tells him. “And you can’t even look me in the eye, saying it. Why?”

Buck’s eyes drift back to the brochures and printouts still on the floor, the ones in her hand, and he can feel his chest tighten to the point that it gets hard to breathe. And it’s not because of the bruised ribs. It’s because Evan long since crawled his way out, begging to be loved anyway. And Buck can’t tell him to go back and keep waiting.

Because the time won’t come.

Because the more he looks at those brochures, the more he is reminded of the reason why he can’t get there after all. Why his hopes are yet again in vain.

“Because the more research I do, the more I realize that I don’t want any of that. Not like this, at least,” he admits at last.

It’s no use anyway.

And he can bear that pain. He will have to, for Evan and himself.

“I… still don’t understand what you mean by that,” Maddie answers faintly.

“I don’t either! I thought I finally figured it out. The great epiphany! That I wanna be a father, more than anything. And that’s still true. It’s so damn true it hurts. I want to be a father, so bad. I want a child that’s mine and that I don’t have to give to anyone else.”

Tears sting in Buck’s eyes, though that’s just about the smallest pain he feels. Even his stupid ribs don’t hurt as much as this. And it just isn’t fair. To finally know what you want, only to realize that you can’t have that. Because being aimless is one thing, but knowing you won’t ever come to the shores you call home? That’s damn well a curse.

Maddie moves into his line of vision. She places a warm hand on his back, extends her other hand to squeeze his forearm.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright,” she soothes.

“It’s actually not.”

It hasn’t been in a long time, but the fool he is, he failed to see it. Because he wanted to seem fine, because he wanted to be fine again. For everyone else and himself. So Evan would remain where he put him, protected, so Buck could get back to his feet and find a way to move forward again. To maybe find a life where Evan could come out and not bleed out from a lack of love.

“Why not? I can only repeat it, there’s plenty of options to fulfill your dream,” Maddie tries to reassure him.

“There really isn’t. And that’s what makes this so damn stupid.” Tears now roll freely down his cheeks. Buck wipes at them angrily, relishes the small burn that comes with rubbing skin against skin.

“Why?”

“Because I know I want to be a father, but I… I want to be a father to a child I know I can’t be a father to,” Buck whimpers, almost choking on those truths that should have no business burning so much down his throat.

“You mean Connor’s and Kameron’s…,” Maddie mutters, but Buck interjects rather harshly, “No.”

Oh, and how he wished that was true. Because that would be easy. Anyone would understand, everyone assumes anyway. Buck wished it was that easy, but this situation only made him realize what he wanted, and just like he had to give over that child, he had to realize that he couldn’t ever get to where he wants to be.

“What child, then, if not their son?”

“Eddie’s son. Christopher.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose.

Biggest fuckin’ joke of my life.

“Christopher.”

“Yeah,” Buck croaks.

Christopher, always Christopher. In every brochure, every stock image, he saw that little guy with his dorky smile and glasses, heard his giggling, felt the way only that little guy could hug him. The boy he thought he had to give up on, knows he has to learn to let go, to be what he wants to be: A father.

Buck swallows thickly. “You know, I’ve tried to put some distance between us, lately. Between Eddie, Chris, and I. To, to figure this father thing out. Because I felt like I was… like I was using them, to have the second-best thing to being a father. But I… I miss them so damn much.”

Maddie keeps rubbing circles on his back, just as she’d done when they were both still kids and he could not be consoled after their parents looked right through him yet again.

“I… I keep seeing Christopher every time I turn the page in one of those stupid brochures. I don’t just want to have a kid that’s mine. I want that one specific kid to be mine. Even though I know he ain’t, even though I know he won’t ever be,” Buck cries, no longer able to hold it in, to contain it.

The love he can’t express, he pours it right out, like bad blood, but it just keeps on coming and coming and coming.

He might be what Eddie would want for his son, should something happen to him, but Buck isn’t that outside that scenario. So long there’s Eddie, and God knows he will make sure of it, he won’t be that for Christopher. He can’t be that for Christopher.

In the end, always the backup plan, isn’t it?

“Christopher loves you,” Maddie argues.

“But not as his dad, never as that. Because I’m not his father. Even in the event that something should happen to Eddie, and I’d take care of him… he wouldn’t be mine, not really. Inside my heart, yes, but… never outside it.”

Bobby once told Chimney that having a child is like having a heart outside of yourself. But Buck know he can’t have that, that he won’t ever get there. He can only treasure that child inside his heart, so no one can see just how much he loves that kid. Because the love he feels for him, he knows he is not entitled to.

I won’t ever be enough to them to be entitled to it. Because that isn’t my place. Not really. More than a guest, but only ever temporary. Never forever.

“Eddie would let me, that’s not the thing. But… but I can’t go on pretending, in my heart, that… that we are a family, in that sense,” Buck whimpers.

“Eddie considers you family.”

“Yeah, but not in the way I’d want him to consider me.”

Which is the icing on top of that shit sundae.

“What?”

“Forget it,” Buck replies quickly.

Because he doesn’t know how much more he can take. Because everything hurts, hurts more than his stupid ribs, more than his stinging eyes, or his inflamed cheeks. And Buck doesn’t want any more pain. He doesn’t want any more pain for Evan who is outside his little box right now, for that part of him to come to the realization that there is yet another thing they failed at.

“No, tell me, please,” Maddie begs. “I want to help.”

“I just know that this is nothing you can help me with,” Buck whispers. “Even though you’re my big sister and I grew up thinking you’re my personal superhero. But this… you can’t fix. And I think I can’t either.”

Maddie takes a deep breath, considers his words, then searches his eyes again. “Alright, then maybe I can’t fix this. But I… I know for a fact that not talking about things that hurt us, scare us, terrify us… those darkest spots in our lives… that’s even worse. And I won’t have my little brother repeat the mistakes I’ve made.”

“You didn’t…”

“It doesn’t matter,” she interjects sternly. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want you to keep pretending like all is fine. Like you have to keep something from me, or anyone else. You can always tell me these things. Always. Even if you may actually want to say them to someone else, you can always say them to me first. I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I can listen. And I always will, Evan. But I need to hear it from you.”

Buck looks at his sister for a long moment. He thinks about how far she’s come, how much she’s overcome. And how glad he is that she finally gets some of the pay off for the years of sacrifice. In the end, Maddie is still his personal superhero, not because she is invincible, but because she wears her scars and comes out stronger every time. Because like him, she never gives up, or even if she almost did, she fought her way back.

He takes a deep breath, then another. Maddie is right, he should say those things to someone else. But the person he’d normally go to for this? He can’t say. Buck screws his eyes shut, trying to forget all that, if only for a moment.

“Losing something can sure make you realize how much you loved it, even if you knew you loved it all along. I remember reading that, when I was still recuperating after the lightning strike.”

Buck read a lot, while at the hospital. Not just self-help books. When he stumbled over that quote, he had some sense of how that rang true for him. He just couldn’t put his finger on it, not really. Then his life took one sharp turn after the other, with Kameron and Connor and the baby, with Natalia.

The book fell back into his hands when she got the last of her things. And when he flipped to that page, it felt like lighting was striking through him again. Because he was right back in his coma dream, and it was glaring at him, laughing at him.

Who wasn’t there? Who was the one person who’s so close to you you didn’t see? Who, hm?

“I’m not following,” Maddie mutters, blinking at him.

“The more distance I put myself between myself and Eddie and Christopher, the more I realized just how alone I feel when I don’t have them near me,” Buck says.

“As I said, they love you, too.”

“And I love them, God, I love them. But I can’t love them like I wanna love them. And that fuckin’ hurts.”

Buck loved before. He knows what heartbreak feels like. But he never loved like this, and at some point, he wished he never found out that he could love like this. Because it’s a kind of love that burns even worse than the one he still feels for his parents. Even though they can’t love him back. Even though they made him walk through fire every day of his life. Because it’s the kind of fire he will keep walking into, against better judgment. Because he could learn to live without his parents, but he can’t learn to be without them.

“I can’t love Christopher like a father. And I can’t love Eddie like a partner. I can’t love them as my family I go home to every single night. I can’t love them like I do, and it sucks, and it hurts, and I just want it to stop.”

“P, partner?” Maddie stammers, still taking that in.

“Yeah, that’s about the face I made when it dawned on me,” Buck huffs bitterly. “I mean, in true Buck fashion, I kept missing all the signs. It’s always been there, and I… not even all of those epiphanies I feel I had in my coma dream prepared me for that one. Eddie wasn’t in it, in that dream, not really. Though that’s probably the great message, and I waltzed right past it.”

That his heart wasn’t in it, literally. That his heart wasn’t in that supposedly perfect life. The man who let him into his own, wasn’t there. The man who’d given his heart over to him, telling him that he is not expendable. The world that was without Eddie was the one without Christopher. And that world may have had his parents loving him in it, may have had Daniel alive, but it didn’t have them. And how can such a world ever be any good?

Buck has been wrecking his brain about it. Ever since he broke up with Natalia, he felt like he was finally gaining perspective. Only for the light to switch and put Eddie and Christopher in the spotlight. At first, he liked to think that they were simply his measure to go by. Because Buck wants to be a dad like Eddie, loving, caring, kind. And he wants a kid just like Christopher. So that seemed straightforward enough. Until it became even more twisted. Because the harder he looked, the more he realized they weren’t just the model Buck was going by, they were it. Both of them. Not just Christopher. But Eddie.

Always Eddie.

Buck can’t say he thought about Eddie as someone he wanted to be with, romantically. Sure, an attractive guy, always. Someone Buck could unashamedly say he learned to love dearly. But he can’t say he longed for him the way he is doing it now. Or rather, he now sees all of those signs he missed, all the chances he missed. The things he didn’t see, because he looked at Eddie through the lens of friendship, of what it was, and not what it could be. Because Buck didn’t even dare to think outside that box. Despite his bravado, he was not brave enough. He liked not being a guest in Eddie’s house. And he was fine with that, just that.

I never thought I could be more than that.

But Buck grew, and he’s coming to terms with it that he gets to want more, be more. He took a step back and saw more than he used to. But once you start to think outside the box, you can’t go back to its confined space. You can’t go back to only just. Once you open your heart to wanting more, it won’t be satisfied with the lesser.

How can I be enough, if I am not enough to have them?

So now, he’s left with longing and missing again. He wants the things he can’t have. And Buck won’t jeopardize the happiness either Eddie or Christopher or Marisol have found together. He won’t be that person. He can’t sink that low. Even if that means he is back to greedily stuffing the crumbs of life with Eddie and Christopher into his mouth, like a guy who’s been left out in the desert for weeks without a single thing to eat.

So maybe he’s good enough for Eddie and Christopher, to be a part of their family. But he won’t be that part of the family. Maybe Marisol will fill that seat. Maybe it’s going to be someone who’s not even in Eddie’s life yet. But no matter what, this person won’t be him.

So what is he even doing, researching ways to have a child, to be a father? How could it be fair to that child? When, in the back of his head, he’d always wind a string around the mere image of Eddie and Christopher as part of the family he might build?

“I’m still wrapping my head around you being into guys. But then again, I never tried too hard to look at that as your sister,” Maddie says, shaking her head wide-eyed.

“I never dated guys, I just got down dirty with them.” Buck shrugs.

He never made it a secret, but he didn’t make it explicit either.

Except for when I told them about my track record in dating yoga instructors. Because those definitely weren’t all ladies…

Buck never had a serious relationship with guys. He just fooled around with them. And especially in the beginning, it may well be that he liked things a bit too rough. Which should show that he belonged in therapy since a young age, because no, that was surely not healthy at all.

“Yeah, no, I don’t need to know that. At all. Ever.” Maddie screws her eyes shut.

“I figured.”

Buck never cared for a label to put on that, he still doesn’t. Had anyone asked him back in the day, he would have said that he’s simply not picky. Today he can safely say that he is extremely picky, to the point that he reduced his entire happiness to two people, to the point that he can’t look at anyone else the way he looks at Eddie these days.

“Alright, I’m… I’m sorry, that caught me off-guard a bit. But… but in all seriousness now, yes?” Maddie goes on to say.

He blinks at her. “Yeah?”

“There’s nothing wrong with realizing that you love people, or that you’ve fallen in love with someone, even if it’s your best friend,” she tells him.

“But there’s something wrong with wanting to say it, to make them love you back in kind, when you know you really shouldn’t,” Buck argues. “Even if it’s your best friend.”

Or precisely because he is.

“We all just want to be loved in the end. And I know for a fact that you love big. But it’s not wrong to want to be loved back in kind,” Maddie points out.

“It’s wrong to want that, knowing where Eddie stands in life right now. Knowing…” He doesn’t have to finish for Maddie to understand where he is going with this.

“People break up, you know,” she offers, which only ever has him snort. “Like I’m going to hinge my hopes on him breaking up with Marisol.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“The problem is that Eddie loves me, but only as a friend. And even if he broke up with Marisol tomorrow… he won’t ever look at me any other way than that. And I can’t unsee what I’ve seen. I can’t look at him any other way than… this. And… and I feel like I’m losing them because of that. Because if I keep getting too close, I will… I will fuck it up, I know I will. Because I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I… this will come out eventually. And I will make a mess of everything. And I… I can’t do that.”

Fresh tears well up in his eyes.

Sure, he wants more. Sure, he wants to feel like he is enough. He tries to get there. But he knows he can’t have Eddie and Christopher, no matter how hard he tries. Not like this, at least. Because this is not about his worth or lack thereof. It’s just now how they see him. But what he can afford even less than this pain is the thought to lose the ways he has them.

He’d rather be less to them than nothing at all.

“But I also can’t keep away from them,” he continues, almost choking on the words. “I just… I don’t know what to do. I just know it hurts, no matter what I do. And I want it to stop, but it just doesn’t.”

Maddie pulls him into a hug, trying to cover up as much of him as she can, despite their difference in size. Buck sinks against her, tries to soak up her warmth to cast out the cold dread of being back where he began, only to remain stuck there.

Because there is no longer a world for him he can escape to, where he isn’t in love with Eddie, where he doesn’t want Christopher to be his son, where he doesn’t want them to be his family. It vanished, slipped through his fingertips.

“Oh, Evan.”

Buck used to think that Maddie’s hugs would always heal him. He still wants to believe that, but he can’t trust it. Because Evan is out there, and he looks back at him, begging to know why they can’t be loved anyway.

And Buck has no answer to that.

And he fears he never will.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #evan buck buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz x evan buckley #buddie fanfic #fanfic #911 spoilers #i guess

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