#sam is too which is funny now that u think about it

[monsterfuckermilligan]

my name change does NOT impact how much i love jack btw. he is mine and i only share him with the rest of the jacksters and nobody else. tyvm.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[hearts4chriss]

Texas baby.

Angry!Boyfriend Chris x Needy Poc! Girlfriend

prompt: while Chris is filming with his brothers and Sam and Colby you send me a bunch of thirsty texts and images to distract him. Fortunately and unfortunately it works but at what cost?

Part 7

Contains: PURE FILTHY SMUT! humiliation, semi-public, balcony sex, ROUGH! CHRIS, degrading, hair pulling, dacryphilia, overstimulation, use of pet names, hair pulling, ass slapping, choking, photography, dirty talk, spanking, heavy aftercare

A/n: THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE AMAZING & TALENTED GIRL @luv4kozume I LOVE U SO MUCH MAMA ( my mother ) THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE IM SO GLAD I FOUND U AND IM SO PROUD OF YOU UR ALMOST @2k🤭🤭

Damnit Chris

Chris Matt and nick were here in Texas to film a collab w Sam and colby and he begged me to come along.

But since he left I’ve been feeling soooo horny for him, I haven’t been able to get him alone of course since he’s here for the collab and I wanted him to explore where I’m from ( surprise :) )

But it’s his fault, he’s been doing things in purpose.

The way he’d hug me from behind pressing his boner into my ass, the way he’d “accidently” grab my tit whenever I’d be out with him and his brothers since we got here.

Oh and his little flirty comments,

“Sorry sweetheart, my fault princess, you need something ma?, you look so pretty mama” all his stupid shit now has me wet and I can’t do anything for hours until he gets back

I had an idea. I was gonna make him pay

I knew how Chris felt whenever I teased him in public, which is exactly why I sent it. It would always end in really, really rough sex.

But we were in a hotel so I'm not sure how this would go but since he was filming with Sam and Colby I hope he doesn't get too upset.

Chris Pov

I was with my brothers and sam and colby as I had just seen the last of my girls texts.

My dick pressed achingly against my pants I swore I felt pre-cum in my boxers. those fucking pictures.

And it only got worse as I tried fixing myself when they weren't looking, just the though of her sitting on the hotel bed in a thong and a sheer black robe covering her made me almost nut in my pants.

I could not wait to bend her over the balcony and fuck her so good, let everyone know shes mine.

Throughout the rest of us filming, I began to get angry and even more pissed off with her sending me those.

She had me turned on, for hours, knowing I couldn't do shit about it.

I was gonna ruin that ass the second I got back. She wants to act like a slut? i'll fuck her like one.

1:27am

I was still awake, I had been laying on the bed before I heard the hotel room door open.

“Hey baby how filming.” I said turning around giving him a clear view of my plump breasts through the sheer material along with the thong hugging at my hips he tried to regain focus.

“You think that shits funny? Sending me that while im in public and making me hard hm?” He spoke in almost a growl his hand wrapping around my throat squeezing a bit and I shook my head and squeezed harder.

“N-no I-dont mphm think its funny-“ I choked out and he let out a scoff before releasing his grip.

“Outside, balcony, bend over.” Was what he instructed and I did so removing the robe walking outside as he followed me smacking my ass and I whimpered

“Faster, slut you wanna get fucked so bad I suggest you move quicker.” Chris said with a teasing tone as I scurried outside bending over and resting my arms on the rails the cool breeze hitting my nipples as they hardened.

“You know what's coming now baby?” Chris spoke in almost a baby-like voice rubbing his hands over the curves of my ass.

before I could speak he lays a harsh smack across my ass I jolt forward gripping onto the rail tightly.

“Don't make a sound yeah? Just be a good girl.” He speaks leaving a kiss on my neck before leaving another smack

“Your, smack, such, smack, a, smack, fucking, smack, slut, smack.” Chris said quickly through gritted teeth as I bit my lip from any groans or whimpers, also ignoring the way my pussy throbbed each time he smacked my ass.

“Fuck-“ he says under his breath fumbling with his pants undoing his belt letting his pants fall to the ground kicking them off before sliding down my thong letting his dick slap on my ass spreading the pre-cum a bit.

“You think you deserved to be fucked?” Think you deserve my cock hm? He said waiting for my answer as I tried to form the words he got irritated smacking my ass.

“You better answer me sweetheart, or you won't even get the tip.” Chris said in a mocking tone.

“P-please Chris- I'm sorry I-promise-“ I choke out my words falling out all over the place and he chuckles spreading my legs before forcing all of him inside me.

He normally would give me time to adjust but he was fucking pissed, he immediately began ramming into my pussy balls deep inside me, his hand grasping my shoulder making it easier to thrust.

“O-oh f-fucking shit Chris!” my jaw slack moaning his name loudly almost forgetting we were outside, but it felt so euphoric feeling him so far gone inside me.

“shit ma so fuckin tight on my dick, such a slut.” He grunted continuing to abuse my cunt letting it coat his cock easily sliding in and out, well pounding.

at the pace he was going, I could cum in probably a minute or two, and I knew chris was gonna make me his cum slut for my behaviour just a few hours ago, I was so fucked.

“shit shit- fuck!- feels so fucking good oh shitt!” I screamed biting my lip from my moans bound to has granted us a noise complaint but boy he did not like.

“Open your fucking mouth, you wanted this right? For me to fuck you like the whore you are?” He said smacking my ass again inserting his fingers into my mouth through my lips.

He continued his pace whilst I made a mess on his fingers from how hard and rough he was going I couldn't keep up as I drooled on his fingers, my ass slapping hard and quick on his pelvis allowing his cock to hit my g-spot every thrust, my stomach already gained the familiar sensation.

“Look at that, already about to cum so pathetic baby.” He chuckles removing his fingers from my mouth so he could pull my hair tightly thrusting harder making a clapping senation.

“FUCK im cumming f-fuck-“ cries of his name flew from my parted lips as my cum began dripping down his length allowing his warm thick load to shoot inside me, but he didn't even slow his pace allowing my eyes to shoot up from sensitivity.

“S-sensitive Chris!” I cried out gripping tightly on the balcony rails and feeling my legs already close in before he reached down spreading them apart leaning over to my ear.

“Nu-uh sweetheart, you wanted this remember?” He mocked leaving a lick on the sensitive spot on my neck making my breath hitch like he knew it would letting his cock ram deep inside me as our cum mixed creating a stick sound.

“such a dirty slut for me aren't you.” He sighs deeply allowing his eyes to roll back at the sight of me so fucked out on his cock.

“F-fuck yes yes- such a slut for you Chris-“ I cry out resting my head sideways on the rails and squeezing my eyes shut to let my mind drift away as it clouded it up from how he was fucking the shit out of me.

“Good girl, so fucking good f'me.” Chris's voice dropped an octave as he was so focused on fucking me till I saw stars it felt, thats when, The sticky sounding was replaced by a squelching wet sensation.

“Fuckk chris- I-“ I groaned my legs quivering as I began squirting over his cock and lower stomach, I could've sworn he would have stopped by now but he didn't

“oh god-“ I said feeling my eyes well up with tears as my legs nearly caved in at the overstimulation and he chuckle admiring how my wetness glistened in the faint light of the moon on the balcony.

“Love this fuckin pussy so much, fits so perfectly around me-“ chris moaned his brown locks sticking to his forehead as his arm wrapped around my torso to squeeze my tit making me whimper my legs began to shake a bit.

“come on ma one more, being such a good girl.” He praises his hand reaching down to rub my puffy clit chuckling at the heat of it as I squirmed tears falling down my face from the overwhelming pleasure.

Chris reached over to the hair grabbing phone putting it side ways and recording in front of me.

“Tell everyone how much a whore you were acting baby hm?” He said still thrusting deeply inside me.

“I-fuck- s-such a whore- for y-you-“ I said panting, almost like a dog my tears on my cheeks as I could hardly form a sentence.

Fucked her so good she can barley speak, fucked her dumb with my cock. He chuckled looking at the camera before setting it down as I could barley support my body weight at this point, my orgasm quickly was approaching.

“Oh fuck fuck I-its- so close-“ My toes curled into the ground allowing everything to entirely take over as I couldn't even process what was happening.

“fuck baby- cum, all over this dick.” He groans his teeth grazing over my shoulder as I shutter in his grasp.

“FUCK- C-cumming s-so fucking good-“ I squealed as I began to cream his dick for the 3rd time as he slowed his thrusts just enough so he could finish inside me again before slowly pulling out.

I try and hold my body up for a bit before chris pulls me into him, my chest heaving as my tears stained my face, our cum dripping out of my abused pussy and my body covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“F-fuck Chris-“ I shake against the balcony rails barely holding myself up before Chris rubbed my shoulder placing a kiss.

“Shh I got you baby.” He whispered in a comforting voice gently picking me up bridle style allowing my head to rest on his chest as he carried me to the bathroom allowing a bath to run for me.

He got a warm cloth pushing my legs apart cleaning my inner thighs first since I'd be more sensitive in between.

“You ready? let me know if it's too much okay?” Chris kissed my forehead and I nodded as he cautiously pressed the warm cloth to my heat cleaning me up being careful to not make me wince.

My bath was ready so he held me again placing me in as i sigh leaning against the back of his as He sat behind me.

“Want me to take ur hair out mama?” or do you wanna keep it in.

“T-take it out.” I sigh tiredly and he smiles grabbing the baby scissors.

He was precise and careful taking my weeve out, I made sure to teach him how to do it so he wouldn't cut my hair and he didn't

Once taken out he undid the braids underneath it beginning to givev my scalp a small massage and I rest my head in his hands.

Your hairs gorgeous baby. He says quietly and I look at him and smile.

Eventually he got me out the bath allowing me to dry off with some support, he carried me to our bed.

“Here you go.” chris smiles handing me a pair of panties and one of his T shirts.

“I'll be right back okay?” He says and I nod as he leaves the room and I’m confused but I’m honestly too tired to even think

I put my bonnet on and wait for him

around 5 minutes later chris comes back with two cokes and a bag of takis.

“I know these are your favorite snacks so.” He shrugs handing them to me before taking off his shirt climbing into the bed with me in his grey sweats.

Thank you. I smile at him

“Of course ma, come here.” He says and I get closer to him laying my head on his chest.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me baby.” I say tiredly and he chuckled.

“Oh don't thank me, it’s my job sweetheart to do that and make you feel so good and plus I think we woke everyone up anyway.” He chuckles

“Oh shit- probably.” I shake my head as we both errupted into laughter.

The rest of that night ( 20 minutes )consisted of us watching TV and eating my snacks before I drifted off to sleep 20 minutes later.

“Goodnight gorgeous.”Chris mutters leaving a kiss to my clothed shoulder turning of the lights cuddling me as we fell asleep.

Taglisttt

@mattsleftnipple03 @bernardsleftbootycheek @sturniolopowers @gdsvhtwa @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @worldlxvlys @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog @mattslolita @guccifrog @blahbel668 @mattsneezing @trickywritters @hearts4chris

@nonamegirlxsturniolo @luvmxtt @theyluv-meee @mattsnymphette @hoesformatt @luv4kozume @kikisturnioloo @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly @iiheartstef @junnniiieee07 @ratatioulle @ast3ro1dzz @sturniolowhore @st7rnioioss @emma4eva @braindead4l @ihearttsyouu @blondiesjailer @kqyslyho3 @sturnsfav @sunsetsturniolos @stqrnstars @dlyansworld @chrisloyalgf @soimightlikeoldmen69 @abbie13sworld @lacysturniolo @sturniol0s @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @luhsexcbihh @nicksmainbitch

[trashywormeateroffics]

the great war (bucky barnes x female reader)

the gif is not mine!

summary: you get jealous and have a fight with bucky. inspired by the great war by taylor swift.

a/n: hey anon!!! sorry it took so long. i have no excuse. anyways, i hope you enjoy this!!! <333 also i am once again asking u to send me requests with marvel characters (natasha/bucky/loki) and taylor swift songs so i can write a one shot about it !!!! bye love u

masterlist

\\\\

you don't know how it all happened. one second, everything was perfect. the next, you were acting like a crazy person and saying horrible and hurtful things. and now you're pretty sure you've officially lost him forever.

\\\\

it all started with her. agent carpenter. pretty, blue eyed blonde, flirty, perfect agent carpenter.

“alright everyone,” tony begins and the people in the meeting fall into silence. “as you all know, a new member is joining us on the avengers initiative.” they all nod, including you. “her name is samara carpenter and she was personally recruited by fury. which means she's very good at what she does.” the billionaire looks at steve and he nods, taking the lead.

“alright, i want you all to be nice and welcoming. especially you buck.” he says, making most of the people there snort. you look at him.

“what did i do now?” bucky asks, incredulous.

“nothing yet, but if you just stare at her and don't greet her like a normal person she'll leave this team as fast as she came.” sam tells him. the grumpy super soldier rolls his eyes.

“whatever, bird-brain.”

steve shakes his head in disapproval of the two bickering idiots but soon enough he's back on track with the presentation.

bucky's rough gaze scans the room until it falls on you. his eyes soften when he sees that you are already looking at him. you give him a soft and playful smile, which he returns.

after the meeting is done and everyone is dismissed, you head to your room.

not five seconds pass until someone knocks on the door. you smile, because you know who it is.

“come in!” you sing-song.

when he enters, you can't help but stare at him. you've been together for a year now but you still couldn't believe that he was yours. he was so beautiful, so funny, so kind, so dumb sometimes, just so… him. you loved him so much. yet you still hadn't said it. you were trying to take things slow, for both of your sakes.

“hey.” you tell him as he closes the door behind him. he has a look on his face which you recognize. something's bothering him.

“c'mere.” you pat the spot next to you on the bed.

he wastes no time in dropping himself unceremoniously on the mattress and letting out a sigh.

you begin to run your hands through his hair.

“d'you think i'm scary?” he asks with a pout adorning his beautiful pink lips. god, you want to kiss him so badly. so that's what you do. you peck his lips and then immediately shake your head with a smile.

“do you think that adorable pout could be scary?” he purses his lips to stop himself from smiling, but still, a small smile plays on his lips.

“y/n, i'm being serious.” he sighs. you do too.

“maybe to some people you could be. not to me though.”

“but when you first met me-”

“i was too busy thinking about how hot you were to worry about you being scary.” he laughs. god, how you love that sound. you would ridicule yourself to hear it. “is this about what steve and sam said?”

he shrugs.

“i just… hate that i'm so socially inadequate.”

you hand in his hair stops. he furrows his brows.

“bucky,” you begin, “we are a bunch of weirdos, all of us. there is not one person on this team who is socially adequate.”

“but at least the others can fake it, you can fake it.”

“you know what my favorite thing about you was when we first started to become friends?” you ask and he shakes his head. “that your face said it all. if you weren't in the mood for something, i could tell from a mile away, and in return, if something excited you, it would be contagious.” you caress his cheek and he leans into your touch. “and when i couldn't pretend, i always knew you were there to just sit in silence with me. no expectations to be socially acceptable.”

“i don't know how you do it.” he sighs. you frown.

“do what?”

“make every bad thing about me sound so… good.”

your frown deepens.

“hey.” you straddle him and grab his face in between both your hands. “you are perfect. just like you are. don't you dare change yourself.” you tell him firmly. then you purse your lips. “unless you totally want to for whatever reason and i would totally support you because-” you suddenly fall silent. he looks at you, expectant for you to finish your sentence. “because you know i'm here for you, no matter what.”

he smiles softly.

“i know, doll. me too, i'm always here for you no matter what.” you purse your lips to stop yourself from spilling your heart out of your mouth as you caress his cheekbone with your thumb.

“how about we watch a movie? you can pick.”

he pecks your lips and nods.

you spend what is left of the day watching movies and cuddling.

\\\\

two days after that meeting, she arrives. you're all hanging around the common kitchen when steve appears with someone trailing behind him.

“everyone, this is agent carpenter.”

“please, call me samara. or sammie even.”

“sammie, nice to meet you.” sam is the first one to greet her. “i'm sam wilson, but the coolest avenger is fine too.”

you shake your head and roll your eyes. then, you take a step forward, but before you can introduce yourself and welcome her to the team, you see her eyes flicking over to something right next to you. or someone. her eyes shine with curiosity and attraction.

“hi, nice to meet you.” she smirks. you swallow slowly.

bucky gives her a nod, but then he seems to remember what steve and sam told him and attempts to give her a smile.

“hi, i'm bucky.”

“bucky,” she repeats slowly, almost tasting the name in her mouth. she's about to say something else but before she can, you speak up.

“i'm y/n. welcome to the team.” you smile as honestly as you possibly can, but dread fills your stomach.

“hi!” she smiles at you. “you're so pretty, oh my god!”

you give her a tight smile.

“thank you.”

“of course!”

the rest of the team introduces themselves, even though she insists she already knows almost all of them and then you all go about your day.

\\\\

it had been a month since she arrived at the compound. you had seen her a few times, mostly during training. but you didn’t particularly go out of your way to talk to her. there was something you didn’t like. maybe it was your intuition, or maybe it was the fact that she did seem to go out of her way to talk to your boyfriend. and he did not seem upset by that, the opposite actually. he seemed to enjoy it.

you were not a jealous person, least of all with bucky. but something about her irked you. something about her made you doubt yourself and everything you believed in.

“i like her,” natasha says while she paints her nails, laying on her stomach on your bed.

wanda hums in agreement while she flips through the pages of a beauty magazine. you don’t say anything.

“what about you, y/n?”

“um, yeah.” you try to give them a convincing smile but based on the looks they give you, you do not succeed.

“okay, spill the tea.” wanda tells you. had she been learning internet lingo?

you sigh.

“i just- i don’t know.” you shake your head. “doesn’t something feel off to you?”

“not really.” wanda says as natasha narrows her eyes.

“you’re jealous.” she finally decrees.

“i’m not.” you respond defensively.

“you’re jealous that she seems to be getting along with barnes.”

“i-“ you begin your sentence with the intention of uttering a lie, but it dies right on your tongue. “i am. but i don’t want to be.” you confess.

“explain yourself.” she tells you in a tone that could sound commanding and harsh to someone else, but you know it’s filled with care. she’s your best friend, she would never hurt you on purpose. so is wanda, who looks at you with a knowing look you can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for.

“i just- i don’t know. he’s never like that with anyone. since when is he the type to joke around with someone?” you shake your head. “i’m an asshole, cause i should be happy for him. he’s putting himself out there. but i can’t. i’m jealous. so cliche.” you huff.

“you’re not an asshole. an asshole would make a whole scene, give him an ultimatum or something like that. you’re just expressing your feelings to your friends.”

“and, y/n, we all have those ugly feelings. they are human.” wanda tells you, softly. “you should talk to him about it.”

“what if he gets mad?”

“y/n, please. that man adores you, he could never get mad at you. least of all for this.”

maybe they’re right. maybe that’s the healthiest thing to do. and even as you agree with them, you know you will not talk to him about this. because he will realize that you’re right, and that there is so much more to the world than just… you.

\\\\

“come on! you just have to put it in the oven!”

you hear her before you see her. you weren’t expecting to see him though.

right there, almost as if mocking you, they stand. cooking together. he looks so comfortable around her.

they seem to be wrapped up in their own little bubble, so you clear your throat. immediately, they turn to look at you. he widens his eyes, almost looking guilty.

“james found me and i asked him to join me.” she explains, but you stop paying attention the moment she says his name. she called him james.

“james?” you narrow your eyes in question.

he seems to want to say something because he opens his mouth like a fish out of water but you leave mumbling an excuse about training with nat before he can utter a word.

back in your room, you fall to the floor and break down. you knew she was trouble the moment she walked in, but you weren’t expecting this to happen so soon.

heartbroken, you get up from where you’re sitting and head to your bathroom.

the girl in the mirror looks defeated, but you feel angry. if he didn't need you anymore, then you didn’t need him either.

\\\\

the days after that, you ignore him, always having an excuse at the tip of your tongue to not hang out with him. he doesn’t seem to care that much. until, you suppose, after three days, he begins caring.

“doll, can we talk?”

“hm?” you play dumb. you encountered each other in the common kitchen. that damned place, you hated it now, but you were hungry.

“i asked you if we can talk. you seem… distant.” his brows are furrowed. you only know that because you turned to look at him only for a second. other than that, your gaze doesn’t meet his. “come on, y/n, i know something’s wrong.”

you look at him and smile sarcastically.

“you do?”

“yes. please, let’s ta-“

“hey guys!” you roll your eyes at her voice.

“have fun you two!” you tell them, smiling venomously, only looking at him before you leave.

“is everything okay?” she asks.

“i’m sorry samara, i can’t talk right now.” you hear him say before you hear his footsteps getting closer to you in the hallway.

“y/n!” he calls out to you when you get into the elevator without looking behind you. before the doors can close, you see his metal arm get in between them. he gets in and they close. once they do, he hits the stop button. then, he turns to you. he frows when he sees the hate in your eyes. “y/n, what is going on?”

you scoff.

“fuck off, james.” you tell him, your voice full of venom. he widens his eyes in surprise before narrowing them.

“oh, so that’s it? you’re jealous and that’s why you’re avoiding me and acting crazy now?”

“i’m not jealous, but i’m not blind either.” you clench your jaw. “and don’t call me crazy.”

“you are blind if you think something’s going on with her.” he tells you. you roll your eyes and then tilt your head.

“when was the last time you let someone call you james? when was the last time you cooked with someone who was not steve?” he begins breathing heavily. you laugh and bite your lip incredulously. “i think you took the whole being friendly thing too serious.”

“i can't believe you right now.” he shakes his head. “you're angry because i'm not being an asshole to her?”

you scoff.

“oh, please, james.” he clenches his jaw.

“stop calling me that.”

“oh, so i can't call you that but she can?”

“you know that's not-”

“you know what? go ahead. let her call you james. fuck her in the middle of the common room for all i care. lets see how long she puts up with you.” you regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth but its too late, a deep hurt covers his face. still, you can't stop. you're too hurt, too scared. too goddamn stupid. “you think she's going to console you while you have your nightmares?” you laugh venomously. “you think she's going to accept you, all of you?” as you keep talking, his expression turns from pained to angry. resentful even.

he turns to the panel control of the elevator and pushes the stop button so the elevator will move again.

“you know what?” he glances at you and you're almost taken aback by the distant look in his eyes. “maybe i'll fuck her. maybe i'll even date her too. she's probably not as desperate and clingy as you.”

“fuck you.” you spit out.

the doors open, he steps outside. before he leaves, he turns to look at you.

“yeah, you too.”

after the doors close again, you fall to the floor and let out a heart-wrenching sob. you never thought it would end like this.

\\\\

four days. four fucking, horrible, long days bucky has been gone from the compound. you try to ask steve about it, because you know he knows where he is, but he won't tell you. even though you two are close friends and he never got in the middle of a fight between you two– even though you two never fought– he seemed angry. at you. you didn't know if he knew the reason for the fight, but he knew you were in the wrong, that much you knew.

these days all you do is cry, sleep, eat and repeat. you're way past heartbroken, you're miserable, inconsolable. it's all your fault. this prison of sadness was your own making.

you miss him. god, you miss him. you wonder how he is. did he already fuck someone else? did he regret ever being with you?

you don't dare text or call him. you're too embarrassed. you acted like a crazy person, and said awful, horrific things. and you're pretty sure he'll never forgive you. but what will you do then? how will you build a life without him? oh god, you're crying again. great, just great, you think as you turn around in your bed. who were you without him?

\\\\

its the sixth day of his absence when you go talk to steve. you drag yourself from your bed, with your swollen and red rimmed eyes and knock on his door.

“y/n…” he tells you, pity dripping from his tone.

“hey…” you try to give him a fake smile, but as soon as the corners of your mouth move, they turn downwards into a frown, and you start crying. sobbing really. inconsolable sobs leave you as steve wraps you up in his arms.

“hey, hey, it's okay.”

“no, it's not! i hurt him! i don't know why i did it, but i did!” you sob.

“hey,” he pulls away from you a bit to look you in the eyes, “come in. come on, come on.” he tells you as you slowly make your way inside.

you sit down on the edge of his bed and he sits down next to you.

“steve, is he- is he okay?”

he looks at you. you know him, so you know that that look means he isn't.

“he's safe though.”

“i really messed up.”

“i know.”

“he told you?”

“he didn't need to. i saw it on camera. wanted to know why the elevator stopped working for a while.”

you put your head in your hands and begin sobbing again.

“oh my god.” you sob. “i-i'm so sorry you had to see that. i dont… i dont know what-” a hiccup escapes you. “i can't-” another hiccup. “oh god…” your shoulders shake as you sob into your hands.

“hey…” he draws comforting circles on your back, but nothing can comfort you. not when he's hurt and hates you and it's all your fault. “hey.”

“steve, how can i fix it? can i even-” hiccup, “can i even fix it?”

he looks at you with pity.

“i don't know, y/n. i think he's gonna need some time.”

“oh my god.” you say. steve had always rooted for you two, so if he's saying it can't be fixed it really means it can't. “i'm going to die.”

“you're not going to die.”

“i can't live without him. i can't.” you shake your head frantically. “please, just tell me where he is. i need to-”

“i dont think it's a good idea.” he tells you sympathetically.

“please,” you beg him, “please, i need to- if it ends…” more tears fall from your eyes. “it can't end like that. please. he deserves more than that.”

he looks at you, seemingly pondering what you're saying. you look at him the whole time, pleading. he sighs. he's going to tell you.

\\\\

you look at the old building that seems to be deteriorating with each passing second. you straighten down your clothes (steve insisted you get properly showered and dressed) and take a deep breath. he's staying at a safe house in brooklyn. of course. it was so predictable and so him, you almost decided to leave. maybe you should let it end how it ended. what if this time it was worse? but you didn't have the luxury to think like that. it was over, but you needed him to remember you as the good times you shared, not that damned last time.

you enter the building and go up the stairs to the seventh floor, since there is no elevator.

when you reach his door, a green one who looked like if you blew on it it would fall down, you freeze. what are you even supposed to say to him? hi, bucky, sorry i told you she wouldn't be able to put up with you, insinuating that you are hard to love, hope everythings okay between us! ugh, you wanted the earth to swallow you whole.

you take another deep, slow breath, because you know otherwise he'll be able to hear you. then, you knock two times.

when the door opens he takes your breath away. this time not because he's gorgeous but because you're so scared that you fear you're going to pass out.

“what do you want?” he asks harshly. you feel tears prick your eyes but you blink them away.

“hear me out, please.”

“no, thank you.” he goes to close the door, but you swiftly get inside before he does. he slams the door behind him when he turns around to look at you, now inside the apartment, looking uncomfortable and out of place. “i told you i didn't want to hear you out.”

“just-”

“leave.”

“one second-”

“leave, y/n.”

“bucky-”

“oh, so now i'm bucky?” your lip wobbles.

“you're always bucky.”

“not last time we talked.”

“that's why i'm here.” he lifts his chin, looking at you with so much indifference you wonder if he ever looked at you with love in his eyes.

“i don't care to hear you explain yourself.” a tear escapes your eye. you dry it with your sleeve harshly. his face seems to soften for a second but then it goes back to its harshness.

“i'm not here- i'm not here to explain myself.” he looks at you.

“why are you here then?” you sigh.

“remember that time you took me to feed the ducks on that park?”

“yes. so?”

you smile softly as tears fall down your face.

“that was the time i told you i wanted to be your girlfriend. no one ever took me to such a silly date.” you chuckle softly. then you frown in pain looking at the floor now. he shifts his weight from one feet to the other, impatient.

“what's your point?”

“that's how i'd like you to remember me.”

“what?” you look at him. he's frowning.

“i know that the last time we talked i was… crazy. i just- i know theres no going back, but id like, for the sake of what we had, for you to not remember me like that.” you tell him. “because we were more than that.” the last word comes out broken to give way to a silent sob. you try to compose yourself. “I'm sorry. don't pay attention to that.” you give him a fake smile, which you know he can see right through.

“y/n-”

“okay, i'll leave. but… come back to the compound. i'll move out if you want me to, just, don't stay away from your friends just because of me.” you go to leave, walking past him, when he grabs your arm. when you turn around there are unshed tears in his eyes.

“i don't care about the compound. or about remembering you.” oh. you widen your eyes and heavy tears leave them.

“okay, i'm- i'm sorry for suggesting-”

“no.” you nod, understanding. “no, no.” he repeats. he grabs you by the shoulders and he crouches so he's eye level with you. “i don't want to have to remember you.”

you frown.

“but, bucky-”

“but i probably should.” he cuts you off.

“yeah,” you laugh humorlessly as you cry. “you should. i'm sorry. i never should've come here. i'm sorry.”

“stop saying sorry and explain to me what the hell happened.” you tilt your head.

“i… i got jealous.”

“that's it? that's why you hurt me?” he asks. you look down. this was it. he was giving you a chance. explain yourself like you never have before, you think to yourself.

“i never got why you were with me-”

“stop saying were. this could end today, but as of now, were still together.” you purse your lips. “hey, hey, its okay.” he says softly as he puts his hands on your cheeks and wipes the tears that begin falling again with his thumbs.

“im sorry-” he looks at you pointedly. you nod. “i just… i don't understand why you're with me. im not- im nothing like you.” you begin. he frowns. “you are kind and thoughtful and amazing and im- im not good like you.”

“what? y/n, you're the best person i know.”

“you can't still think that.” he looks at you honestly. he does? “see? you're so- and i'm so…”

“lets sit down.” he tells you and you both do, on the old couch thats near the window. he gestures for you to continue.

“i just- you'll never get it. and thank god you won't. but im not- im not a natural, you know? not like you, not like her.” you fidget with your hands. “you guys, the team, you like me because i'm fake. you wouldn't if you knew the real me. but i showed it to you pretty easily, i guess.” you laugh without a trace of humor. he frowns. then, he grabs your hand and caresses your knuckles. bucky takes a deep breath before speaking.

“y/n, i like- no, scratch that. i love you because i know you.” your face contorts in pain. you start crying heavily again. “hey, hey, come on baby, talk to me.”

“i just… she's so… perfect. for everyone, for you.”

“i don't want her, i want you.”

“you cant want me after what i said to you. i hurt you and i'll never forgive myself for that.”

“yes, you hurt me. but you were hurt too, i just didn't see it.”

“im so scared you'll wake up one day and realize there is so much more to the world than… me.” you sob and cover your face with your hands.

bucky pulls your hands away from you face and pulls you into his lap.

“listen to me.” he tells you firmly. “there is nothing more to the world than you. you are it for me, y/n. i love you.”

“bucky-” you hiccup. “i'm so sorry i said that about you. i promise you i just said it to you because i- i was lashing out. anyone would accept and love you, you are literally the most amazing-” hiccup, “person-” hiccup, “in the universe.”

he smiles softly at you and the unshed tears come back, but this time, he lets them fall.

“baby, listen to me. i love you. i'm not going anywhere.” you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it. “and i forgive you. i promise you i don't resent you. i know what it's like to lash out when you're hurt.”

“bucky-” you sob against his chest.

“shh, baby, its okay.” he soothes you, rubbing comforting circles on your back. “it's okay, i got you.”

you take a shuddering breath and lift your head from his chest to look at him. you grab his face with both your hands.

“i promise you i'll never lash out again. im so sorry. i-” he gives you a pointed look. “i know. im not saying sorry anymore. sor-” you purse you lips and he lets out a laugh. then, he shakes his head incredulous and looks at you with so much adoration in his eyes you feel like you're going to pass out from all the love you feel for this man. “can i kiss you?” you ask him shyly.

“please.”

and so you do. the kiss is soft, vulnerable, you're telling him how sorry you are, how much you love him, and thats when you remember you didn't say it.

he whines when you pull away, something that makes you smile.

“bucky,”

“yeah, baby?”

“i love you. so much i feel like i'm going to throw up.” he lets out a loud laugh.

“i love you more, doll.”

you spend the rest of the day cuddled up on that couch in that old apartment, not ready to go to the compound yet. but you do send a text to steve before turning off your phone to spend time with the love of your life. you almost lost him, but you didn't, and as you lay in that old mattress on the floor, while he makes love to you and whispers of words of adoration and devotion fill your ears, you vow to him one thing. you'll always be his.

[junicult]

first, i am in absolute love with all ur posts and works—second, could you do headcannons of the bachelors when they get jealous?? could be smutty or sweet literally anything u give is amazing

!! how the bachelors act when they’re jealous

contains ; sfw! established relationships! farmer is noted to be outgoing / social. mostly fluff, but not intended to be fluff. majority of these take place in the city.

note ; i do love man that can get a little jealous. anon i love u ur gassing me up🤭

harvey.

- overthinker ™️

- he’s his own devil on his shoulder.

- no matter what, he’s secure in his relationship. he knows you love him, and he knows you’d never even think about cheating on him.

- he literally remembers every single compliment you give him. he’ll just randomly think of when you told him his mustache looked especially neat one day like months ago, and smile.

- but there’s always that little shadow of doubt that appears every now and then.

- it more commonly happens after you’ve had an argument of some sort.

- he’s not insecure in your very committed relationship by any means, i’m not saying that any little argument he’ll just believe you don’t love him anymore & want to be with someone else.

- i’m just saying there’s always that thought that crosses his mind, and manifests quicker then he can push it away.

- i feel like one of his worst habits is that he needs to be reassured quite often.

- doesn’t have to be major, just an “i love you” will suffice.

- so if you don’t clear the air right away, he accidentally gives himself time to 🥁🥁🥁overthink!

- “i need to finish working, we’ll talk about this later.”and you close the door before you have time to resolve it—it leaves those few hours to be a living hell for him.

- the jealousy doesn’t creep in unless he actually sees it, or hears about it.

- he’s too mature for that.

- his mind doesn’t automatically go to, “she’s cheating on me!” when you talk about another guy or whatever.

- it’s more or less if he hears about him a little too much, or sees the two of you alone together.

- but knowing him he’ll never bring it up.

- he’ll bottle it inside if he feels it’s not worth it.

- or unless he’s given an opportunity 😊

- you’re laughing, wrapping up your day as usual, just talking to each other, “oh, and he made the funniest joke the other day—“

- “he is funny. i didn’t realize you two were friends,” he laughs stiffly, keeping his eyes on the plate of food in front of him.

- “yeah, well, he needed advice on a couple plants he has in his shack, so i helped him out a bit.” you smile innocently, because it really was innocent.

- he pauses mid chew, shooting you a glance.

- “i see…you’ve been in his house?” he clears his throat a little.

- you just blink at him for a second, before you have to purse a smile. “only a couple times. haven’t you?”

- “…yeah. i guess so.”

- u could practically see the thoughts in his mind. he really does go to the worst case scenario.

- you giggle, gently kicking his shoe under the table and leaning in to hold his hand. “aw, don’t do that. you know you’re the only one for me.”

- now he’s able to look at you, even smile. because really that’s how easy it is to clear the air for him.

- well, he might need a kiss or two.

sam.

- ignorance is bliss for this man.

- the longer you two have been together, the more and more oblivious he gets to affection from others.

- especially when u live in a town as small as this one😭😭

- if you two went out of town or something, let’s say for one of his concerts—he literally wouldn’t think the girl that’s flirting so hard with him was even flirting with him. he’d just think she was a rly big fan LMFAO

- which has been the cause of a couple arguments between you two dare i say, but he means well.

- he’s the most secure out of all of them i think.

- when you’re in town, his mind just kinda goes to ‘everyone knows we’re in love so they wouldn’t even try.’

- and he knows you wouldn’t either. it’s not even something he has worried about before.

- he really doesn’t get jealous i think. it’s so unbelievably rare it’d get to the point where he’s actually upset about it.

- he’ll doesn’t think twice when he leaves you and sebastian alone together.

- i think it’s really sweet how much he believes in the two of you.

- i feel like the only reason he’d ever get jealous, is because he finds you’re spending more time with someone else besides him.

- not even a another guy, just a person😭

- like let’s say you’ve just been around vincent a lot, especially since he’s grown so much of a liking to you.

- so every time you come over to see sam, you end up spending time with his little brother instead.

- not even intentionally, it’s just cute to see how excited he gets to see you, and you like hearing the things he has to say,

- “and penny’s teaching us cursive! cool, right?” he grins, showing his handwriting that definitely isn’t intelligible but you still smile and congratulate him instead.

- so you just end up preoccupied with vincent more then you even realize.

- because of this, you entirely miss the way sam’s all uncharacteristically quiet beside you, just watching his little brother take up your time together.

- although he loves to see how close you are with his family, he’s still pouting.

- it isn’t until vincent has to leave for school, or something other, when he’s finally able to get your attention.

- “so you finally have time for me, i see.” he hums, pettiness dripping from his tongue, arms crossed.

- you furrow your brows, mimicking his stance. “i’m sorry?”

- sam isn’t the type to pick a fight out of nowhere. i feel like, for him to actually get angry or upset at something, it’s have to be serious.

- and this just wasn’t serious enough for him to encourage a bad mood, so he merely gives you a side-eyed glance before he unfolds his arms.

- “you know…you’ve just…been a little busy…’tis all…” he looks down at his shirt like he’s all embarrassed.

- “please, are you upset that i was spending time with your brother?”

- “…well not anymore…”

- he can get over it fast. promise you, within minutes he’s all over you, kissing and hugging you like nothing even happened.

shane.

- 😭😭

- similar to harvey in the sense that, he needs to be reassured a lot. (bold and italicized)

- tell him, kiss him, hug him, whatever it is. multiple times a day.

- he trusts you, but he doesn’t trust very many else.

- he knows the other bachelors let out a literal sigh on ur wedding day. he knows they all want u🤷‍♀️

- which, for the most part, makes him feel soooo cocky. he likes knowing the woman everyone wants fell in love with him of all people.

- during festivals, and gatherings at the saloon, he pretty much likes to stay attached at the hip.

- wraps his arm around you, resting at your waist while you’re both having two separate conversations (more like you’re talking and he’s just beside you).

- he gets a little clingy around the guys that he knows are into you.

- he’s gotta show them what they don’t have🤷‍♀️

- it’s kinda funny cus he’s not being subtle at all, and instead of outright bringing it up in front of other people, you’ll give him a slow glance, and he’s just smirking.

- that’s only because you’ve totally brought it up before in private.

- “you know we’re married, right?” you snort, going to tug on the pendant around his neck.

- “hey, that doesn’t stop some guys.”

- “well it stops me. i fell in love with you, not them.”

- he grins when he hears that. “s’true. but you’ve gotta see the way they look at you—“

- “and let them look. doesn’t mean they’ll get anything out of it.”

- he has to admit, he does kinda like knowing they can look but can’t touch—and he gets to do both.

- when he gets jealous, it’s all because someone is spending a little too much time talking to you.

- he’s a tad fragile.

- when he sees one of the guys talking with you, he’ll glance over a couple times, making sure the body language stays casual n stuff.

- last thing he’d want (for you) is to cause a scene.

- but if he were to look over, and you were still talking with the same guy for a while, that’s when he’d start to frown.

- what makes alex so interesting? what’s he got to talk about that’s better then shane?

- he is soooo fucking petty. to the guy that was hitting on you, and you.

- “miss your boyfriend?” after you’ve left and are you’re walking home.

- your expression turns to disgust. “what?”

- “oh i dunno…just, you and alex seemed to have a lot to talk about.”

- “don’t start.”

- “you’re being awfully dismissive—“

- those are the fights you have.

- immature😭😭

- if the argument gets heated, you’ll both probably limit each other to the silent treatment 💀💀

- no matter how stubborn he is, though, he hates not being able to joke with you more.

- eventually he’ll find it unbearable, and he’ll come up to you with a look only he gives you.

- eyes soft, pressing a kiss to your shoulder and resting his chin. “i’m sorry baby, i know i can get pretty jealous. i’ll work on it, okay?”

- he knows you’ve forgiven him when you turn to look him in the eyes, smiling at his affections. “good. you don’t have any reason to be, i promise.”

- and he’s suddenly the luckiest man in the world when you cup your hand around his jaw, pulling him in for a kiss he’ll never fail to melt into.

sebastian.

- he gets jealous. lol.

- it’s definitely his worst trait, because yes he trusts you, but he still might think you’re doing the wrong.

- you’re way more social then him, that’s a fact.

- you talk to people every day that he hasn’t even spoken with in months. he’s always just a little on edge.

- that cloud of doubt always tells him you can do better, he doesn’t deserve you. but you’re good at reassuring him, so it makes it easier.

- not to say his jealousy doesn’t get a little annoying.

- at the start of your relationship, it probably made u roll ur eyes a little lmfao

- ur casually talking to sam, literally just listening to whatever he’s rambling about, and sebastian’s nearby with a frown on his face.

- “what were you guys talking about? should i be worried?” he crosses his arms when you walk towards him.

- as if sam would even think to do that to his best friend.

- honestly, the best way to get him to realize it would be to lay it on thick.

- “stop it, your overthinking is exhausting the both of us. you need to get better with that, or this won’t work out.”

- he might be a little upset at your bluntness, but pretty soon he’ll come around. you have a point, and he realizes that.

- so afterwards he’ll tone it down.

- he still has moments where he gets a little tense if you’re giving guys gifts, or talking to them for a while during festivals and things—but he knows it’s just your personality.

- you’re not even flirting, and if they would, you knew to shut it down.

- once he got better at controlling it, you guys thrived. cus really, that’s the only thing you guys would argue about.

- i don’t think he likes pda.

- like, at all.

- but you guys have a little routine when you’re in public to reassure him.

- if he’s standing next to you, not mingling because his social battery is out, & he doesn’t want to interrupt the conversation you’re having,

- it’s with a guy, but he’s been with you long enough to not get upset over the little things,

- you’ll just reach out, and give his hand a little squeeze to reassure him you’re still with him (if that makes sense.)

- like, yes you’re focused on the conversation you’re having, but you’re still thinking about him in the back of your mind, so you want to silently show that everything’s fine.

- after years of dating, and when ur married, his thoughts of jealousy pretty much go away.

- despite you being the only person he spends time with on a daily basis, he trusts you at this point. he should’ve from the very beginning, and he definitely feels guilty about it every once in a while.

- but now he understands you don’t give him any reason to feel jealous.

- just talking to someone doesn’t mean you’re intending to cheat on ur partner.

- he’s a bit stubborn, although i think it’s sweet to think he’s given you a heartfelt apology about it.

- “i’m sorry for not trusting you. i know you love me, and i love you too.” with a little kiss on the cheek.

alex.

- he doesn’t really get jealous.

-…if anything, i feel like it’d be the other way around.

- his ego is skyrocketed😭😭 he thinks very highly of himself, and yes that’s a good thing, but omfg can it be so annoying.

- don’t get me wrong, he thinks very highly of you as well. sometimes he thinks you’re too good for him, honestly.

- but when you’re both out together, he kinda loves when he looks over to see some guy trying to talk you up.

- he’s not insecure in the slightest. he’d be devastated if you did cheat, but with his ego he just kinda thinks it’d be your loss LMFAO.

- what makes it even better is when you have a little scowl on your face, leaning away and dismissing the stranger to go find him.

- don’t get me wrong tho, he’ll always step in if he sees someone overstepping boundaries.

- anyways, when it comes to whenever you guys are together in town, he’s touchy.

- he does not fear pda😭😭

- he’ll be all up on you if you’d let him. he loves letting everyone know you’re in a relationship.

- so he’s not even given any opportunity to get jealous.

- i’m serious. if you guys go out somewhere together, for example a gridball game he invited you to, he’s not leaving your side in general.

- but while you’re still trying to find your seats, you end up sitting next to a guy that’s clearly checking you out.

- “is this seat taken?” you ask, purely out of politeness before sitting down, and it’s obvious that this stranger is excited you’re sitting next to him.

- and if alex sees the small smirk on his face, he’s instantly swinging his arm around you, speaking loud enough to turn a couple heads, “these are great seats babe! we can see everything!” and pressing a kiss to your temple.

- throughout the rest of the game, the stranger keeps finding chances to say a few things to you, all of which has alex involving himself in your conversations.

- trust me, he’s making a grand show of how you’re not single.

- leaving his arm around your shoulders the entire time, kissing you and your cheek.

- and after the team scores, he’s pulling you close after cheering, speaking loud enough for the guy to hear, “you’re their good luck charm, baby!”

- he’s full of one liners like that the entire night, each of which make you roll your eyes.

- “i know what you’re doing,” you tease, despite not doing / saying anything to stop him cus…honestly it’s so attractive how much he’ll fight for you.

- he just smirks, tossing a couple pieces of popcorn into his mouth, “oh, you love it.”

- and that you do.

elliott.

- he’s also not the type to get jealous.

- or well, he doesn’t let it get to his head.

- his communication is too perfect.

- he’s not fragile enough to pout if you’re just talking to another guy. i think what he likes most about you is how welcoming you are.

- you’ll talk to anyone and everyone, and he definitely admires that about you.

- which is why i don’t think he’d think twice if he saw you talking with one of the other bachelors. you’re just striking conversation, getting to know everyone a little more.

- even then, you always tell him about it when you’re recapping your day.

- “oh, and then i dropped off one of the items shane requested today, got a nice chunk of change for that—“

- there’s nothing he needs to be jealous about. you’ve made it clear, and so has he.

- now being protective…that’s another story.

- he’s the perfect amount of protective.

- in general, he doesn’t look very intimidating. but he tries his best to make you feel secure if you’re out in public, and a guy keeps hitting on you.

- he knows you can handle yourself…i mean, ur the one who carries around a sword the majority of the time lmfao.

- but if it ever gets to the point where you’ve repeatedly shown disinterest, yet the guy won’t let up, he can step in.

- he’s so casual about it, swooping in by your side, sliding his arm around your waist.

- “you ready to go, honey? i called us a cab,” and he won’t even address the guy at all.

- “hey, we were in the middle of a conversation?”

- then he turns to him, gives him a bored once-over, before shrugging, “i don’t really think she wanted to talk to you, anyways.”

- whether the guy wants to press further is his own problem, because he’s hardly paying attention to what he’s trying to say.

- once you’re out of earshot and he’s finally let you go, he tugs you closer.

- “i’m glad you’re okay. sorry he wouldn’t leave you alone.”

- he’s so sweet you can’t help but smile, “don’t worry about it. thank you.” and he’s kissing your cheek, before actually hailing a cab.

[otheredsam]

1x06 skin provides us with so much insight into dean’s perspective he has always been a big weirdo!! and a freak u guys.

SHAPESHIFTER: It’s funny. I kind of understand him. He’s all alone—close to no one. All he wants is for someone to love him. He’s like me. (REBECCA looks very uncomfortable.) You know, everybody needs a little human touch now and then. It’s so hard to be different.

it is fascinating to me that the shapeshifter is used as a foil for dean. because usually we only get parallels between sam and the ‘monsters’ to other him. if sam is both the subject and the other, what is dean? he felt hopeless from the start and his fear of being alone AND his fear of sam being ‘impure’ - these were the biggest catalysts for the main plot. fear not action. and i think that’s why kripke’s s5 ending makes so much sense because dean has to give up this fear of being alone and sam being corrupted.

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I'm just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I'm a freak. And sooner or later, everybody's gonna leave me. [backs away]

the biggest difference between him & sam in season 1 is complacency. his submissiveness towards their dad (the OG architect of their life) & ‘roll over & die’ attitude is striking from the beginning and only gets worse.

another thing i missed is how much refuge he seeks in killing and violence right from the start! he finds genuine comfort in it unlike sam. see below

DEAN: I hate to say it, but that's exactly what I'm talking about. You lied to your friends because if they knew the real you, they'd be freaked. It's just... it'll be easier if...

SAM: If I was like you.

DEAN: Hey, man, like it or not, we are not like other people. But I'll tell you one thing. This whole gig, [takes out gun] it ain't without perks.

DEAN: Well, that’s ‘cause you’re a freak.

it’s a lil sick but sexy how dean keeps reiterating we’re freaks, we’re so different, it’s us, you only have me and i only have you. there is a bit of possessiveness & an urge to keep sam away from the rest of the world. maybe out of fear of him leaving dean again. it feels like: no one will understand you like i do. which is true in a way. this is that delish subtext they sprinkled.

SAM: Yeah, thanks.

DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.)

SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

pretty much sums up the entire freak show <3

dean placing his claim on sam and establishing that they are cursed and separate from society/the norm/civilisation

[mxqdii]

WHERE IS PART THREE

IM LITTERALY DYING TI READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXTTTTTTY

also I have a request

so reader is dating Sam or Colby (you pick❤️). Reader is alone at a haunted location with just Sam or just Colby (does this make sense?) say it was Sam, they are just the two of them and say there were trespassers and they were threatening the two and reader has a panic attack and Sam defend them (Sam or Colby) and calm reader down on the way home.

is that doable?

when part three comes can you tag my other acc

@anythingsamandcolby

take my breath away - c.b

pairings: colby brock x reader

summary: a day with the boys doesn't go as expected

warning(s): panic attacks, mention of ghosts (??) idk.

a/n: so i see u said just the two of them, but i only realized after i finished writing it... i'm sorry! i hope this is still okay 😭

not proofread

"are you guys sure this is a good idea?" i say as me, sam and colby enter the gate

"too late now! unlocking that gate took forever" sam says, walking ahead

"we're all gonna die" i mumble sarcastically, scoffing at the boys skipping together joyfully

we decided not to vlog this one, since, well..

we're trespassing.

it's okay though! atleast that's what the boys told me (and what i'm telling myself)

"hey, you okay?" colby, my boyfriend, asks.

"yeah i'm fine, just worried about being shot by a police officer" i say, giving him a look

"calm down, we'll be fine!" he speaks over confidently

"whatever you say" i groan

"woah! guys this place is so cool, let's use the spirit box here" sam yells from ahead, taking off his backpack and grabbing the box

we all listen, hearing a few random meaningless words, until...

my phone starts buzzing, which makes us all jump

"sorry, my alarm- it's midnight if anyone cares" i say, signaling for us to get out of here

"leave" the spirit box says

"yes please- wait was that the box?" i mumble

"trespassing" the box says

"run"

"guys i don't like this.." i mumble, reaching over to grab colby, looking over realizing he's nowhere to be found

"g-guys?" i say, realizing i've been left alone with only the spirit box

"guys this isn't funny. you got me okay? i'm scared." i yell into the distance, hoping to be met with colby's voice or sams laughter

but i don't hear that, instead something worse

the bushes besides me start rustling, and i feel tears brim my eyes

"h-hello?" i almost whisper

this is too much. i wanna go home.

my legs start moving before i can think and i run back to the car, hoping to find sam and colby there, but no.

i realize, i don't have the keys, leaving me in the dark parking lot surrounded by woods, alone.

okay, it's fine, i'm fine, i'll call them.

NO SERVICE

this is when i start freaking out, because what am i supposed to do now??

the only thing i can think to do, cry.

i let myself lean against the locked car door, eventually curling into a ball on the floor

i'm currently a sobbing mess at midnight, alone and cold.

the more i'm sat here with my thoughts, the harder it gets to breathe, causing me to panic.

i try to calm my breathing but can't, colby always helped me with panic attacks, i need colby.

i don't know how much time passed, but eventually, i felt hands on my shoulders and looked up to see colby

thank god.

"colby-" i try to say more but the words get caught in my throat

"shh, baby it's okay. breathe for me okay?" he says

he sits down to my level, pulling me into his lap

"i'm so sorry. we thought it'd be funny to hide but we got lost, i'm so sorry baby that wasn't funny, i know." he hushes my cries, helping me with my breathing along the way

his hands stroking my hair and his smooth rhythm of breaths calm me down,.

(even though his heart is racing)

i snap out of my panic, looking up at him.

i shove my fist into his chest, not hard enough to hurt bad

(as if you could)

"ow!" he says, almost out of instict

"never do that again" i huff

"never again." he repeats back to me, kissing my forehead.

TAGLIST:

@opheliaofficial07 @stargirlv0id @strniolo @annaisabookworm @theperson-nextdoor @its-jennarose @thetriplets3 @anythingsamandcolby

[raventreehall]

ok just came up with an AU where the starks visit jon on the wall:

- rickon is the only one allowed to bring his direwolf (w/o war the starks are more willing to leave them behind sometimes) bc he goes absolutely insane when separated from shaggydog and shaggydog also gets murderous. shaggydog pulling up and scaring the bejeezus out of everyone, like there's another one???

- they go up the winch cage, wind howling, all kind of like why am i doing this again. but everyone is awed once they get on top of the wall and see the land stretching out in front of them endlessly

- cat thinks about alysanne and wonders if a lady of winterfell has ever been to the wall before or if she's the first in 8000 years. also how this wall protects the entirety of westeros, riverrun and king's landing and dorne... and remembers childhood stories about the others, kind of shuddering but also tells herself she's being silly. she's the most existential about it all.

- ned is also thinking some of these thoughts, about the starks and their legacy, lots of thoughts about previous kings beyond the wall vs starks and worrying if he'll be the next lord of winterfell to fight one—or if robb will, or his sons, etc etc.

- benjen reminds bran that he was named after bran the builder ❤️ bran blurts out asking if the others are real, the only one to actually say it even though they're all thinking it, and robb laughs and tells him not to be so childish but jon says even if they are, the wall and the watch will protect them (taking his newfound Duty and Purpose very seriously)

- back on the ground, jon introduces his sibs to his friends. nw boys kind of awkward bc they're aware they're standing in front of nobles and the literal heir to winterfell. pyp tries to flirt with sansa and jon is like she's literally my sister and also a highborn lady wtf are u doing (his classism is so beautiful). she also talks to sam and politely tells him she thinks it's very brave that he chose to join the night's watch. cue him blushing bright red and jon's like ughh you too?

- if satin is there sansa can develop a crush on him, she thinks he's so prettyyyy. cat ned are like oh ok honey (to themselves: this dude is literally gay). arya thinks he looks like a girl

- bran really wants to go to the nightfort (oh my sweet summer child) and starts yapping on about the stories wondering if they're true and sam tells him that he's read a lot about the nightfort actually... and they have a nice little geek out session that's NICE bc they're not hungry tired traumitized and in grave danger

- catelyn's watching from afar and she's like why tf is there a tarly here??? when sam's away from jon she asks him about it and gets him to tell her the whole sad story. she's horrified that anyone could treat their child like that

- oh yeah also theon meets a guy who is ironborn which is v rare in the watch, says he took the black after the greyjoy rebellion and wow to see lord balon's son here is crazy, they're in the same position really, imprisoned far away from home. theon is like uh i'm not a prisoner and also weren't u supposed to die rather than get caught #loser (i'm making this bit of ironbore lore up but it feels right). cue sad look from ironborn guy and theon comes away from the interaction feeling weird but he doesn't really know why

- robb fights with swords with grenn, then asks jon if he wants to try, see if the nw training programme has improved his sword skills haha. cat is hearing kill bill sirens and jon is also having a bastard moment where he's like i can't be seen showing up my trueborn brother and also, secondly, what if i lose and embarrass myself in front of my friends 😑 so he suggests archery instead which he knows they're both shit at and it's a nice fun brotherly moment and also funny bc THEON comes out on top like woah ok hostage don't get ahead of urself now...

- they get served dinner which is just boiled shit and ned cat and robb are very polite about it and pretend that it tastes really good. sansa kind of pushing food around her plate and arya straight up says she's not eating it bc it's gross (robb elbows her in the stomach to shut up, jon across the room secretly smiling bc well she's right). rickon really likes it actually, bran feeds him some from off his plate

- sansa is excited to meet a bunch of 'knights' (she heard someone call them the black knights of the wall) and see the beautiful order that protects them from the evil things beyond the wall but upon arrival is disillusioned, she thinks everything is grimy and mean and certainly no one looks like a knight, how could this be where uncle benjen lives... but then a singer in the mess hall sings brave danny flint for them and she's like wow showstopping beautiful amazing incredible. cut to someone telling her that the singer actually murdered three people and that's why he's at the wall. sansa: oh :///. singer: but i did it because i was protecting my little sister from being attacked! sansa: omg true knight confirmed <33

- arya meanwhile already thinking about disguising herself as a boy and joining the night's watch she's like wow what happened to danny flint was so sad but i could defff do that and not be caught i bet, rip to brave danny flint but i'm different. and she imagines up a whole scenario about how that would mean she could still be with jon and they'd go riding in the haunted forest and they'd practice swordfighting together and and :((

- at some point some ratty night's watch guy shows up like 🫡 lord stark it's an honor to serve you, i fucking hate wildlings and i love killing em and making sure they never get over the wall because they're trying to TAKE OVER westeros and steal our WOMEN!!! u know we're really just trying to prevent another bael the bard right lord stark nudge nudge. but ned is suddenly disassociating, having his 'promise me ned' ptsd moment. also another weird guy looks at sansa and laughs like ummmmm stay away from her

- they don't meet maester aemon (mutual preference—aemon is kind of wary about meeting robert's bff and also remembers the rhaegar and lyanna stuff, ned also doesn't want to meet him for the same reason 😈) but when jon mentions there's a targaryen at the wall arya and bran are like WHERE

- when they leave all the brothers are kind of cheering ned and they start cheering robb too as the next lord of winterfell. robb is beaming v happy about all this but it's cat's turn to feel uncomfortable watching a group of criminals call her son's name, something feels eerie about it and she wonders about the meaning of the wall and if there will in fact be a war with the wildlings

[neetily]

Ch.1 So, Reddit... AITA? — (SDV) Kent

— ✧ chapter warnings: depictions of trauma, family trauma, misogyny, sexism, slowburn — ✧ word count: 4,106 — ✧ genre: smut 18+ — ✧ synopsis: AITA (47M) FOR FINALLY FOLLOWING MY DOCTORS ADVICE?

— ✧ A/N: finally caught up to my most recent work :D!! i hope u guys like old grumpy men, cause that's all this fic is gonna be >:D...

next

AITA (47M) FOR FINALLY FOLLOWING MY DOCTORS ADVICE?  Hey reddit. I know the title sounds stupid, but hear me out for a minute. To cut a long story short, I was heavily encouraged to speak to my local doctor for some help with my temper. At the time, he’d suggested that I “try to relax” which honestly just pissed me off even more in the moment rather than anything else. But after some thinking and talking with the family, I decided it couldn’t hurt to try. This is where my son’s (26M ) girlfriend (27F)  comes in to play, and seeing as she was all too eager to help, I took her up on her offer of relaxation.

We get along just fine all things considered, though we usually only meet one on one now because my son has some grievances with me. But that’s neither here nor there: point is, I like spending time with her. She’s helped me learn how to relax better than anything else, but she thinks that more work could be done. Now imagine being me for a moment… It’s tough to be around your family, and your son’s hot young girl is wanting to take things a step further… Like, hello? C’mon, what else was I supposed to do? Not accept her relaxation efforts, just because she’s dating my son? As if. Stupid. It’s literally what the doctor ordered, so in my mind I aint doing anything wrong, right? So anyway, we fuck, and it becomes a regular occurrence. Any time she sees me stressing out: we fuck. Any time my son annoys her: we fuck. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement if you ask me, given how loud she gets. But here’s the main issue:

She wants to call it quits with my son, and he’s already been giving me funny looks whenever his girls around. Like he knows something… And I don’t want another argument. It’s only thanks to her that I’ve become more tolerable, and even my wife thanks her for the help! I’m not stupid, and I know cheating is wrong, but this is for the greater good. So, reddit… AITA? Should I let her break things off with my son? Not gonna lie, it would make fucking her a lot easier, but even just thinking about the fallout stresses me out… Not to mention that I just know that my wife wouldn’t take the news well either, she loves that kid as if she were her own. The betrayal, could you imagine?

TL;DR  son’s girlfriend helps me to “relax” by letting me fuck her. It’s the only thing that works. She wants to break up with my son in favour of spending more time with me, and though I’d also like that, I don’t want to deal with the headache it’d cause following. So, AITA for following my docs advice to relax by banging my son’s hot girlfriend? AITA for wanting to spend more time with her too?

It was Jodi who had suggested it in the first place, bless her heart. All the good intentions in the world, that woman. And yet, all Kent feels in response to her kindness is rotten indignation. A misplaced emotion at best, he knows. But it’s the fact that she remains insistentto the point of annoyance about trying something new, an alternative method not yet prescribed by his doctor; an exhausted sigh of literally anything to try and heal the gaping wounds that he’s returned home with, as opposed to the idle resignation he’s shown this far. That upsets him most. As if she somehow no longer trusts his judgement, or finds him lacking in some respects. God, he can barely stand the thought of being perceived as anything other than capable enough to at least handle himself.

So really, this was all her fault. Or; that’s what he likes to tell himself to make it easier to sleep at night, at least.

Farm life is so nice! She’d said. I’ve already visited a few times with Sam, you should at least give it a shot! She’d suggested. Like the good wife that she is. One that cares only for seeing him do better, to have him acting nicer. To have him return back to the man and father he once was, as if merely spending some time on some stupid plot of land is supposed to undo all of the damage he’s sustained, cure all of the scars he’s got hiding in his mind. And naturally, he thinks it’s all a farce. A cleverly concocted plan to simply get him out of the house and away from the family until he gets his act together— he can scarcely blame her for the attempt, though. Between the tense almost arguments and the struggle of finding his place back within the family unit, perhaps a break will do everyone justice, right? He gets that. Intimately understands that what she’s trying to do for him is kind at heart, but he can’t help the bile that rises to the tip of his tongue any time she seeks to alleviate his pain. Like an animal, defending himself out of falsely perceived threats.

She wasn’t there. She’d never understand. And he doubts you’ll ever manage to get him either.

But who is he to deny his sweet wife? Especially given that every other avenue of relief has been tried, exhausted, and subsequently dropped; he figured he might as well take you up on your offhanded proposal after the not so gentle prodding and stubborn persistence of the woman he pledge his life to. A one week stay at the old farmhouse, a place he remembered only in passing, but that he soon came to find needed no remembrance at all. Because compared to the rickety old make out spot he recalled slacking off with Jodi at when he was a simple teen in love, the place now had a newfound aura of professionalism to it. Done up, as you said. And fucking well too, all prim and proper, with some good work ethic to boot.

He can’t help but feel at least a little impressed with his son’s choice of girlfriend and the place you call home. Which was really annoying, in all honestly. He’d half expected you to be completely useless at your one and only job— call him old fashioned if you’d rather, but he knows that he’s simply being unfair to you. That’s why you needed his son on the farm to help, right? But no, he can see how much effort you put into the place. And part of him hates how his expectations were subverted so effortlessly.

The week would offer ample opportunity to get to know you, as Sam put forth. Though Kent knew it wasn’t an easily swallowed pill. More so Jodi’s recommendation than it was Sam’s, but he understood the sentiment well. No matter how much he’d rather leave your view of him untainted, to remain an inspiring figure to someone, God… He knows it’s for the best that he gets to know you somewhat, given that you’re planning on marrying his son soon enough. Introductions and that is all he had planned to honour you with before burying his head back into something easier, like farm work. That’s the least he needs to do to be considered friendly with you, right?

Come to eventually find out though, that the universe doesn’t care for the least amount of anything. Working against him at every turn, rendering him otherwise helpless despite his best efforts. He’s not at fault, right?

It was night already when he initially arrived, his family waving goodbye to him for the week by the farm gate, causing unfair emotions to bubble away inside his tummy. Look familiar? He thinks to himself as his muscles tense up in, well… Take your pick. Anxiety about meeting you privately for the first time ever, nervousness over the unfamiliar territory he’s about to step foot into, or maybe, just maybe, barely contained elation from the look his son greets him with. An all too similar frown Kent knows he slips into on occasion too. The scowl sent his way was strangely satisfying to him even in the dimly lit ranch, just barely making out the down turned corners of his sons lips, but nonetheless, he sees them. And in fairness, he’d already done what he was supposed to, which was to apologise for stealing his girlfriend away, relegating Sam all alone back in his old childhood bedroom for the week— brat should be thankful to be spending some time with his family again at least. However, if Sam was so against it, he thinks his son should have protested some more. At least that would have been more admirable in the long run, and maybe have even earned him some of his old mans well guarded respect.

But alas, as he remembers upon looking at that scowl, the boy is too much like his mother. Unwilling to confront, hiding behind disapproving looks and hushed complaints. And for some reason, that upsets Kent. Guilty as charged, perhaps.

The sound of your front door opening drew his attention off of Sam instantly, like moth to a flame, and he held a weak hand up to his family before swiftly ducking into your home. Not even bothering to glance back at them, a wash of relief taking sudden hold of his chest as soon as he took that first step into your warm abode.

At the time, he had no idea why he felt so happy to hide from their expecting gaze, the heavy weight upon his shoulders slowly decreasing with every creak of the farmhouse floorboards as you closed the door behind him. Instead of the idle anxiety he’s so used to experiencing on a day to day basis, a too good to be true feeling spread throughout his entire chest, constricting his airways with alleviation. Shouldn’t that be counted as a warning sign, too? But he wasn’t about to complain, welcoming the break from ordinary life with heavy footsteps. Could you hear how tired he really was of keeping up appearances?

And you made it so easy for him to slip into your home, too. Listening half-heartedly to you regale tales of how Robin and her kid had helped you fix the place up, and about how Marnie had been such a big help recently, among other things. It was nice not to be the one expected to talk for once. Heading straight to the guest room you had prepared for him despite your continuous babbles, wanting mostly to get out the way of your sunshine attitude; an annoyance at best, and something to be jealous of at worst. A small space greeted him (a little uncomfortably so), with only the bare necessities included… This irritated him too. Though he’d be hard pressed to give you an answer as to why, simply allowing himself to act out internally because the anger is easier to accept when he has something to aim it towards, even if that something is really nothing at all. Then, after unpacking and checking the comfort of the bed—which you assured him had never been used before, not that he believes you—he escaped his new week long confines in search of the bathroom, only to find you cooking in the kitchen instead.

What hit him first was the smell, a good homely scent that distracted him from his journey to freshen up. It had been years since he smelled some good home cooked food like this, even if Jodi did try the moment he arrived back home. It just wasn’t the same anymore, like the very same hands that had promised him forever had somehow been tainted by his mere presence, turning the food foul.

He might try and lie to himself and say otherwise, pretended not to have known it at the time, but the issue was that Jodi no longer felt like home to him; regardless of how hard she tried. And God did the woman try, he had to hand it to her.

“Just a minute!” You called out to him when he creaked too close to the sun, all toothy smiles and honey sweet toned. He remembers your face the most when recalling his first night in the farm house, how rosy your cheeks were and how he had to cough out of the stare he found himself in. The little apron you adorned was second, of course. He’d be a fool not to notice it, honestly. Tight to your figure as you slaved away at the stove, for him, right? As it should be. “Sam told me you liked risotto, so I went ahead and gathered some fiddlehead fern for you.”

Even then, you had no idea how troublesome you really were for him.

“How is it?” You ask innocently enough, though he doesn’t miss the hint of desperation in your voice. Soft quivering lips, as if he’s somehow caught you doing something bad, but that couldn’t be the case, right?

Truthfully, he’s impressed already with your skills. Any more pandering and he’s liable to act out, which would only cause more issues for himself. Remember, Kent, he thinks to himself. You’re here to relax. And, mid chew, he supposes that your sheepishness is to be expected. You are dating his son, after all. It’s understandable that you’d want to make a good first impression, and yet still his lips press into a thin and telling line anyway. This is nothing more than formalities, a useless way to spend his time.

He’s only three spoonfuls in before your question too, rushing him to quickly swallow his fourth just to answer you. Couldn’t you have waited for a pause to speak? “It’s all right.” He deadpans, only briefly looking up at you through his brow before digging back into the lovingly prepared meal, another greedy spoonful already lifting to his lips.

See, lying comes naturally to him. Embedded in his very existence, buried deep in his bones as a means of survival, even when lying to himself. A skill not formally taught, but rather something akin to natural talent, and he’s aced every class. It only takes him a few seconds before he checks for your reaction, satisfied at the small pout his critique causes. Truthfully, the meal is perfect; no faults. And this, too, annoys him.

He’d sooner die than play his hand so soon. A hidden battle contained solely within himself; and yet still, he refuses to lose.

“I’m glad.” You smile pitifully, and he feels a spark of something in his chest. A jolt of understanding, perhaps. A kindred spirit, absolutely. You too, he thinks, are a filthy liar.

Thankfully, silence befalls the table besides the clattering of metal on ceramic due to his unfair response, and he finds himself ruminating to the shared rhythmic taps!

It’s been difficult since returning home; far more than he’d ever expected, or even liked to admit. Between dealing with his wife’s expectations of the man who left all those years ago, to trying to make amends with his two sons—Vincent far too young to truly hold any real grievances, but Sam on the other hand…—he’s scarcely had the time to just think. How does one return back to normalcy after, well, you know. Even the word war rests thickly at the back of his throat, burning bile against his teeth, leaving his lips dry. Forces him to grasp at the glass of water you had thoughtfully placed on the table for him to take a selfish gulp to try and easy the upset. As if doing so would bring him some sort of clarity on how to become a person again, mimicking your easy actions to somehow remember what being human is really like. It helps that your cooking is good at least, just like the old saying. Every greedy mouthful of the perfectly executed risotto—one of his favourite meals, mind you—worms its way down to his heart and rests there instead of his stomach. Maybe that’s what drew Sam to you too.

“I do hope you enjoy your time here,” you interrupt his thoughts with that sickly sweet tone of yours, his brows furrowing in an attempt to focus on anything other than how your voice goes right through him, and how his skin crawls at the feeling of being seen. “And don’t worry about helping out around the farm! I know Sam mentioned something about that, but really, I’ll be fine by myself!”

The more boyish side of him wants to grunt and groan about how Sam should be helping you himself instead, but therein lies the crux of the broken relationship they share. Instead, he opts only to nodding back at you, resting his spoon in the mostly eaten bowl of risotto and pushing it more towards the centre of the table before offering you some half truths.

“Doc said it’d be good for me t’get back workin’.” It’s part of the reason he even agreed to come stay with you for the week anyway. Surely you know that, so he’s irked that you’d pretend otherwise.

“No, I know…” You laugh awkwardly, matching his actions by setting aside your own spoon before collecting both bowls and placing them in the sink. Routine, likely. It’s somehow familiar to him. And he watches you carefully as you do so, not missing the way you gently lower the ceramic into metal to make as little noise as possible; just like how you ate. It’s annoying having people walk on eggshells around him like this, to treat him like a ticking time bomb, even if deep down he knows it to be true. Fuck, he just wants to be normal again. If he ever finds out who told you to treat him with such care and consideration he’ll be sure correct their stance thoroughly. Probably Sam, right? He’s over here fucking you every night, whispering sweet nothings down your ear. It makes the most sense for his own son to divulge such needless information late at night, the day before his dad arrives on the farm. Now, be careful around my old man, he’s got a bit of a temper; Kent can practically envision the scene perfectly, his fists balling in assumed anger. “But rest is important too. I just don’t want you to feel pressured.” You finish up your sentence, giving him a soft look.

He takes it as pity.

And he fucking knows how wrong it is to feel sickened by how kind you are, to want for more than anything to bite the hand that feeds. But what is a sheep to a lion, really? Having you lay your belly bare for his viscous teeth to sink right into is all too tempting, regardless of what the doctor orders. It’d be so easy to prove how capable he is, too! Which is perhaps the worst part of it all. The fucking restraint it takes not to bark back at you, the innate want to be the enforcer rather than the coward.

He takes a breather, deep and hungry. Fucking awkward, through no fault of your own; he has to remind himself.

“Right,” He clears his throat, digging through his high alert mind to find the right words to express the magnitude of his emotions. And yet, “Thanks, but I wanna help.” Is all he can come up with, answering you tersely, afraid of opening his jaw too wide and showing his sharp teeth.

Rushing water fills his ears and his vision switches to the sink, focusing on the stream rather than the annoyance he harbours for himself. Your back is turned to him, and when you merely hum in response to his obvious upset, he abruptly forces himself to look away. “All right.” You meekly offer him, busying yourself with cleaning up. Shit, he forgot to ask if you wanted help with that—

“Six A.M. start.”

And just like that, on the very first night he spends at your farm, you manage to crack a genuine smile out of him. Because orders are comfortable, he’s well-acquainted to them, and despite the humiliating role reversal, a light laugh escapes him. This, too, should have been a sign of the times

“Understood.” He replies, matching your cut and dried tone of voice with utter resignation himself.

The screech of his chair against the wooden floorboard gives him goosebumps, and he grits his teeth as he stands. It’s habit, really. Survival, right? Blocking out his surroundings in favour of merely enduring, following orders exactly like he was taught to. “G’night, then.” He waves you off, unable to meet your gaze as you send him a much chirpier sleep well, Kent! It’s not your fault that you don’t know he can’t, or that the times he can aren’t really worth the trouble thanks to the repeated nightmares. He only hopes that tonight has tired him out enough to just pass out as he remembers to close the guest bedroom door gently like Jodi had begged him to, to leave a good impression or some other bullshit. The patronising tone she embarrassed him with in front of their kids still rings in his ears even now, and his fists tighten by his side as he leans against the closed door. Fuck, he’s tensing too much again, trying to force his trained muscles to relax just like how Harvey advised, but it’s not working. It’s not working and he’s fucking angry at the way Jodi spoke to him earlier, upset at how he wasn’t able to bite back in fear of scaring Vincent off, and worsening his already dog relationship with Sam.

It’s times like these that he misses having something, literally anything, to hit.

Instead, he keeps his fists balled as he creeps closer towards the old dresser you provided him. Tiptoeing around even himself, mind racing and unsure of what he’s even afraid of. And the thought of being afraid only angers him even more, as if he has anything to be afraid of in the first place given his time spent as a soldier.

“Easy…” he whispers to himself slowly, carefully opening the drawer to access the meagre amount of clothing he brought with him on his little ‘vacation’. Home is literally just down the road, so he figured if he needed more it’s not like it’d be a hassle to obtain despite Jodi’s fretting.

But undressing in your house immediately feels weird, knowing that this space—though unlikely the one he’s currently residing in—is where you and Sam have made a home together. Not yet married, and yet still his son is ever present at your farm. How annoying. How utterly dissatisfying, souring to his mood as he gets dressed for bed and promptly tugs the awkwardly tucked in sheets out for more comfort as he climbs inside the sheets.

Laying there in the dark empty, disappointment strangles his throat. Wishing silently that he knew why it upset him the amount that it did to feel Sam’s presence surrounding him, because it makes him feel stupid for even allowing his emotions to run this far. But then, a balm washes over him, realising that he at least has a break from performing for his family; even if they’re unaware of his performance to begin with. There’s very little that he’d willingly admit to them, Jodi especially, and his faux doting attitude falls under that category. It’s nice to finally just be himself for once in the quiet of your farm that you’ve graciously provided him, even if he feels like some sort of intruder peeping in on your private life.

And, as far as first nights goes, he can hardly complain overall. And by that he means that he didn’t shout once, even if it’s been difficult to keep himself composed. Still, he doesn’t trust sleep to come quietly, let alone at all. But maybe despite it all; Jodi was right about this. Maybe Sam’s begrudging acceptance was helpful too, in some odd way. It’s clear to him that his existence within your home isn’t so much appreciated as it is tolerated, and even then it’s only because the doc recommended busy hands; not because anyone else genuinely cares for his well-being. Except for maybe you, evident from the hearty meal you’ve provided tonight that he’s been missing since being home.

And possibly, this little week long trip wont be for nothing.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well! This is for your redacted match-up game since I thought it looked fun to do :)

(I also wanted to mention that it’s really fun seeing what songs you pick for the match-ups and has introduced me to some new favorites)(No pressure to do this quickly ofc <3)

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? A totally basic song, but I’ve resparked my obsession with Taylor Swift’s song “Wildest Dreams”. I love the lyrics “Staring at the sunset, babe / Red lips and rosy cheeks / Say you'll see me again / Even if it's just in your wildest dreams”. The whole song is very, like, yearning and honestly does remind me of a vibrant sunset just before it softens into a pink and yellow glow. And I like the “wildest dreams” lyric because I daydream a lot. Not to mention, I enjoy the music video for it.

What is your Enneagram type? Type 9w1

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? I like watching long videos in general. Sometimes it’s just gameplay, sometimes it’s social commentary, sometimes it’s ghost hunting videos, sometimes it’s something that randomly popped up in my for you page and looked interesting. The most recent one I watched was “Exploring the Secret Lesbian World of Interwar Paris” by Kaz Rowe.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend. I didn’t really have one, but I pretended to have an imaginary “boyfriend”. People at my elementary school were obsessed with dating for some reason even though we were, like, 8 and so that’s the main reason why I said it was a bf. (It’s also funny bcuz now I’m listening to imaginary boyfriends).

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? If I’m too awake from an exciting/busy day I’ll watch youtube videos to calm down. I sleep with my childhood stuffed animal. I feel bad if I don’t and hugging it makes me feel better. I also usually sleep with a night light because I hate not being able to see things if I wake up in the middle of the night. 

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?) Well, I like the name “Meri”. But if I actually had to change my name, I’d probably just switch my middle name and first name with each other, since I like them well enough.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? I really like David’s “Watching a Scary Movie With Your Alpha Werewolf” audio. I love his laughs so much (I could  s q u e a l  into a pillow)! It’s also really calming in the sense that it’s relaxing in a fun way (just chilling and watching a movie), so I go back to it a lot.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) Ollie. He’s really sweet and I don’t hate him at all, but I can only watch two of his audios in a row before wanting to change to something else. 

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. Oh! I have one for each of these: If it’s a book, then “The Princess and the Fangirl” by Ashley Poston. If it’s a TV show, then “Gravity Falls” (I watch it as a summer solstice tradition). And if it’s a movie, then “Miss Congeniality (2000)” (I love those 90s/2000s romance and comedy movies). 

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? I totally get the romantic appeal of Sam, but I would like him as a friend because he’s very down-to-earth, caring and I like his vibes. (I'd also include Caelum, I DON'T want to date him at all, but he's a cute little guy that makes me smile a lot).

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) I don’t think I ramble about anything. I’m pretty quiet when I’m tired. Although, sometimes I do get “slap happy” and find a lot of things hilarious before I eventually get to the exhausted point of ‘no-talking’.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. KitKats and Coca-Cola (slushie or the actual drink)!!

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. One of my private playlists that’s a mix of 2010s EDM and pop, 90s and 2000s rock, alternative music and country songs.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why? Listening to Redacted Audio is the biggest, and also reading/writing fanfiction. It’s embarrassing to talk to any of my IRL friends or family about it even though I’m fully supportive and excited about discussing all of those things, it's just the weird reputation it carries.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! I’m introverted. I have two cats! (I didn't realize how many cat lovers were in this fandom). I believe that I’m biromantic and demisexual. Some things I like to do are: write, read, go camping with friends (I love hanging out, playing card games, swimming and eating campfire food), doing karaoke, and playing dress up in costumes/outfits I’ve collected over the years. Sometimes I’ll draw or paint but not as often. I often have dance parties or a good cry to de-stress (which are like two different vibes XD but it works). The video games I like to play are Minecraft, Stardew Valley, and The Sims. I like to take quizzes. I used to take Buzzfeed and Quotev quizzes a lot when I was younger, but now I mostly go on uquiz. (I like pressing buttons).

I also really like paleontology. I can watch ghost hunting videos (as stated before) BUT I cannot do horror movies. I’m assuming it’s because I get too involved with the movie, and ghost hunting does not have as high of stakes. I guess I would describe myself as someone that is pretty quiet until you get to know me. I tend to be very watchful and cautious when I’m out in public with friends or family (which probably comes from my ‘older sibling need’ to make sure that the younger ones don’t get kidnapped or hurt). I count myself as an early bird, since I wake up around 6-7am most days. My style is pretty casual, maybe sometimes dark academia inspired if I’m feeling stylish. And my main love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. (I hope all of that helps!)

Your entry gave me so much trouble in the most delightful way. You paint me a picture of someone so easy to get along with that it was hard for me to pick one redacted suitor over the other. In the end, looking at the charming ways you’d contrast one another, I like Asher for you best.

You’re a cat person; he’s a literal dog person. You’re an introvert; he’s an extrovert. You’re an older sibling, he’s a younger sibling. You’re a morning person; he’s sleeping in till noon if you let him. You’re a cozy gamer; he’s an FPS, COD kind of guy. Yet, you two get along so well. Type Nines are characterized by a desire for peace and quiet, typical of an older sibling, and Asher as the emotionally intelligent beta of the Shaw Pack would be able to provide that. One thing that particularly convinced me was your love languages in that Asher strikes me as one of the most verbally affectionate and forthcoming of the redacted men and would be best suited for your love of words of affirmation.

That’s not to say he doesn’t indulge your need for quality time either; he’s perfect for that. Asher loves your cats, and they love him (once they get used to his shifted form). He orders pizza and wings for your romcom movie nights, most of which he hasn’t seen yet but is super happy to watch them for the first time with you. He’s always down for a good karaoke sess, whether you asked for one or not. He picks up and gets good at Stardew Valley immediately, especially when he finds out y’all can work on the same farm and that he can craft you a wedding ring. (That is, when he’s not trying to get himself an NPC husband. He is down bad for all those men, but he has a soft spot for Shane, can’t tell you why.)

Song:

We're making out inside crashed cars/ We're sleeping through all our memories/ I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive (now I only waste my time dreaming of you)/ Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness/ 'Cause all of our moves make up for the silence/ And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase/ Like I'll never be the same

If you love 90’s/00’s rock and alternative, and I’ve given you Asher, could I give you anything other than a Fall Out Boy song? Obviously not, especially this era and track of Fall Out Boy. There’s something about their older songs that capture young, first love in the best, most singable way. Also, the title is a reference to the romance classic movie, Casablanca, and that coincidence really cinched my choice.

Runner-ups:

Huxley would be a gorgeous partner and runner-up for an early bird who loves camping. He’s also one of my favorite picks for someone on the ace spectrum; he just gives that vibe. (I’m also an asexual who loves Huxley, so that may be my bias coming through.) David is also a runner-up, one who almost beat out Asher except for the fact Asher would be more outwardly affectionate off the bat and would like your cats more.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Soup is for nerds

WOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DONE ONE OF THESE!!

Welcome back to the Shaw Pack Mates Super top secret and totally unknown by anyone outside of the group groupchat. (Name trademarked by Angel.)

Whether these are real conversations I’ve overheard/seen/partaken in or not is entirely unknown and shall stay that way.

CW: Crack, Angel needs to learn what boundaries are but not in a toxic way, Sam is asking for a god to save him he’s not picky on which god he’ll even rely on science it doesn’t even need to be religious, Sweetheart please for the love of the universe put the cat down, Baabe why are you just sitting there laughing?

Actual CW: Crack, mentions to others being sneaky link/hoes/sluts but in a friendly platonic way, GN listeners. Any reference to gendered terms is purely for the memes and not to be taken seriously.

<-- Previous _______ Next -->

Redacted Masterlist

Angel: im so disappointed in u all

Sam: Oh dear. What’s upset you now?

Angel: is that lip im hearing

Baabe: if my boss finds out im on my phone right now im so dead. so whats wrong bb?

Sweetheart: Tracking down a covert breaker. Cant talk rn.

Sam: Now I’m actually concerned. Is this genuine, or is Angel being Angel again?

Angel: not one of u said ‘congrats on ur nuptials’

Sam: I wasn’t aware anyone called marriage nuptials anymore, but also if I’m not mistaken you two have yet to have your wedding since you both are still planning it?

Baabe: CONGRATS ON YOUR NUPTIALS YOU SILLY GOOSE

Angel: this is why im marrying with baabe

Baabe: LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

Angel: ooooooo teeaaaaa

Sweetheart: That’s what he said.

Sam: I think one day I will gather the strength to leave this groupchat.

Angel: oh ill just add u back and then kidnap u to drag u to my basement so u cant ever try to leave me again

Sam: Angel what the fuck.

Angel: HE DIDNT USE A COMMA IM THE REAL WINNER HERE

Baabe: to defeat the huns~

Angel: im so upset rn its not even funny like i cant live laugh love under these conditions

Baabe: aweeee what’s wrong bby?

Sam: Is there something I could do to help? I will if I can.

Angel: hang on i gotta wait for sweetheart to respond so i can get all the attention necessary

Sweetheart: Sorry I was just filming a tiktok with Aggro. Whats up

Angel: perfect all my three hoes are here

Sam: I resent being called that, but I also recognize my powerlessness in getting you to change it, so continue.

Angel: do yall even have any clue how expensive it is to buy a mcdonalds bouncy house

Sweetheart: Why are you trying to buy a bouncy house

Baabe: ngl i’m kinda curious about that too

Angel: well i could just buy it because ur bitch is rich rich but i share a joint account with my mega alpha gigachad of a finance so i cant buy it without him noticing but i wanna keep it a surprise so theres just a bouncy house in our backyard when he comes home

Sam: Don’t you mean your ‘fiance’?

Angel: no i mean finance im just with davey for his money but my real loves is my three hoes in this gc

Sweetheart: Youre so romantic Angel

Baabe: ikr? like just marry me already

Angel: anyways this is my way of asking u to buy me a bouncy house who wants the privilege

Angel: DONT JUST LEAVE ME ON READ YOU SLUTS

Angel: SOS

Baabe: whats wrong sneaky link?

Sam: Once again, I am confused whether or not this is a serious thing or Angel is playing up the dramatics again.

Sweetheart: I can send you a picture of my son if that will help

Angel: yes pls i miss my baby boy Angel: and also were out of sugary cereal and davey is making me eat his yucky worm food

Sweetheart: WHY DID YOU WRITE SOS? THIS IS A 911 EMERGENCY!

Baabe: dw bb i got u. just ask him why hes giving you his dog food.

Angel: oooo good idea hell take it away then and tell me to just starve and give me the chance to naruto run to sams house for breaky

Sam: Now hold on just a minute. I don’t recommend doing that Angel, also I don’t need to eat food and Darlin isn’t here for me to have any reason to make breakfast. I think you’ll survive a morning without your cereal.

Angel: YALL HE THREW A PLASTIC SPOON AT ME HALP

Baabe: MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Sweetheart: rip

Angel: You’re next. - David

Baabe: oh fuck

Sweetheart: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Sam: rip

[anonymouspuzzler]

As a humble connoisseur of the Psychic 7 I'm curious if u have any headcanons for them ur particularly fond of, esp if maybe its something youve never rly seen other ppl hc/talk about (tho well agreed upon hcs are also the bees knees)

OH BABY LET'S HAVE A THINK I'LL TRY TO BRAIN A SOMETHIN FOR ALL THOSE WONDERFUL OLD PEOPLE. under cut for length and spoilers

Otto: I'm so with everyone who's like "oh he's so sus and fucked up wait no actually he's normal wait no he's so fucked up". I think his brain is probably a mess but like in a way where he's able to function from day to day. I feel like maybe he's also the kind of guy who like... how to put it. He sometimes has a hard time remembering that just because he's passionate about and invested in something, doesn't mean everyone else around him is going to be equally as passionate and invested. (Especially after the Psychic 7 started splitting apart and having their own issues - hard to pull him back down to earth when you're too busy having your own breakdown.) I also really like the idea of him being at least part-Grulovian and having met Lucy when they were much younger, hence being in contact with her when they started the Psychonauts.

Ford: That man bi and he and Otto are Divorced (they never married) (they barely dated) (they're divorced) (they're still dating). Now that I write it out I think maybe he only had pretty casual relationships until Lucy. It feels like she was maybe the first and last person he really considered Settling Down with - all the more reason for him to be hit so hard by losin' her. I also love the idea of him eventually trying to become a mentor to Frazie, specifically because she seems to have teleportation powers and I feel like he'd want to hand down his unique power and help her refine that, which would be funny because she seems to resent him more than any of the other Aquatos.

Bob: I always interpret him as having lived in the Gulch before the Psychonauts were even a thing - that was just his family home, eventually Ford and Otto and Lucy moved in, he started talking to them and that was that. (I think it'd be funny if he was like, their local food supplier when they started crashing in the woods, he just kinda knew them as regulars who'd buy a crate or two of veggies every week or so, and eventually he and Otto got to talking and what the fuck Otto realizes he's a psychic and the rest is history.) I also really like the idea of Truman visiting him in the Gulch a lot growing up - this is a bit of a tangent but I like the idea of Truman pushing to found Whispering Rock and/or the Intern program when he became Grand Head specifically because of his fond memories of visiting the Gulch and developing his powers under the tutelage of the Psychic 7.

Compton: I really like interpretations where he like - kind of mutually separated from his partner on good terms. (Maybe even did it in part so his Accidental Violent Escapades slash new life in the woods doing psychic research wouldn't have a negative impact on his kid(s).) By the same token this started out halfway as a joke but I like interpreting the lady running the cafeteria at the Motherlobe as his daughter; she's got just the right combo of Sass + Eccentricity plus apparently ferrets at home, and it just feels right to me that Sam would have, like - a parent that's an employee but not an agent, y'know? If that's the case, I feel like she probably had a kinda distant relationship from him growing up (in large part due to him Fucking Off Into The Woods) but made an active effort to reconnect now that she's an adult and especially once she had her own kids.

Helmut: I think the poor guy really missed his calling with the Psychonauts shifting from spy & agent work more towards education (as we see with stuff like Whispering Rock & the Intern program & the apparent interest in kinda training/tutoring the Aquatos post-2). Like, in a world where he didn't get frozen, he'd probably running or at least working at Whispering Rock, putting on big psychic performances with the kiddos. (Granted, he would've had to have make it through the 20 years of spywork, which I think would have been tough for him.) Also I bet Quentin has like an ancient limited-press vinyl of his that sold like, 5 copies, and is Starstruck if he ever meets him and Helmut gets a HUGE kick out of that.

Cassie: LESBIAN!!!!!!!!!!! But ahem anyway where was I. I think one of the things she probably struggled with post-Grulovia (alongside uh. everything else. obviously) was probably, for lack of a better word, the like... legitimization of the Psychonauts? Like, much as she's very sweet and a natural mentor, Cassie's also rough around the edges; very much a do-what-you-gotta, anti-establishment type of gal. (love her for that.) I feel like suddenly having to work with The Government and go through official channels and be all organized and doing paperwork and reports and stuff probably rubbed her the long way and contributed to her feeling like she was getting left behind in the changes.

Lucy: This is all but text but like... I feel like Lucy probably had very mixed feelings about her decision to leave Grulovia. On the one hand, she got out of a place that was actively becoming more dangerous, out of a place where she was lonely and heartbroken after her husband's death, to this great new opportunity to use her powers and make lifelong friend and find a second chance at love with Ford. On the other hand, she had to leave behind a home she'd been in all her life and loved very much, in a time of great turmoil that she clearly feels she should have been able to do more about, and above all leaving behind her beloved sister. I wonder if maybe she tried to convince Marona to emigrate too and couldn't. I wonder if maybe part of what worsened her post-Astrolathe instability and made her suddenly rush back to Grulovia was that unconscious regret about leaving. Ain't no wonder she eventually broke, the poor thing.

[justonemorewallflower]

So I got my cousin to start watching Battlestar Galactica and I've been loving seeing her reactions and hearings her thoughts thus far. We just recently got through Episode 10 of Season 1. I'm excited, she only has 3 more episodes left of the season!! (We'll be watching those Saturday!)

I'd like to share some of her thoughts and funny comments (WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS IN THIS POST).

But first currently her favorite characters and her least favorite characters as of right now after The Hand Of God.

Favorites (in no particular order):

Lee "Apollo" Adama

Kara "Starbuck" Thrace

Gaius Baltar

Sharon "Boomer" Valerii (specifically Boomer, she does not like the Sharon on Caprica with Helo)

She also likes Billy and Hotdog. And Dee. Though she doesn't quite know enough about all of them yet to have full opinions.

***

Least Favorites (also no particular order):

Ellen (she hated her from the start, her playing footsies with Lee and trying to make it seem like Bill was after her romantically, etc. made her hate her more)

Six (she hates how she keeps trying to get Gaius to submit to God)

Tigh (though she has said he is growing on her slightly)

She also dislikes Leoben and Tom (she just currently doesn't know she's going to be seeing either of them again)

***

Some of my thoughts that stuck out to me based on her thoughts/reactions.

1. She is going to HATE cult leader Baltar. At the end of Episode 10 when Gaius was saying he was an instrument of God she cringed and was like "shut up ew no." So she's going to hate that whole thing haha. I wonder if it'll make her dislike him as a character or not. Her opinion on him is interesting because she said, "I like him when he's not being weird." I feel like as the show goes on she'll dislike him more, especially during the New Caprica arc, but we shall see.

2. She's also going to hate Leoben a lot more. She hated him already with his "God complex" and seeming obsession with Kara. She also didn't like how Kara had some sympathy for him towards the end of episode 8 so I know she's going to hate the whole situation with her and Leoben on New Caprica. And with them again during the Demetrius mission and all that. Which is super fair, I personally hate Kara and Leoben together. She also called him ugly when he first appeared in Episode 8 which I thought was funny 🤣

3. She wants Helo to make it back to Galactica so she'll be glad when he does though I'm not sure how happy she'll be about Sharon being pregnant. She told me they're okay together and cute but she's not the biggest fan of that Sharon and I feel like she'll be annoyed when she finds out she's pregnant. She's also concerned about when they do get back if they both do because two Sharons and the whole thing with Sharon and Chief. Also the Sharon on Caprica she has nicknamed "Shady Sharon" and I love it haha.

4. I'm not sure if she's necessarily rooting for Kara and Lee to become a couple but she's definitely sensing it. She made a comment "I think they'll (the writers) go for it because of the parallels" (after episode 4) and in episode 10 during a scene with the two she said, "I need their love story arc to just begin because I know it's gonna happen." And like, she's gonna be happy and crushed back and forth so much with those two haha. Like yeah the writers do kinda go for it but it never lasts haha. She's probably gonna be so annoyed once Kara meets Sam and especially when she marries Sam and Lee marries Dee. Rip cousin, you too will become victim of Kara and Lee being stubborn and never figuring out their feelings enough to be with each other normally. But as of right now I can tell she definitely senses the tension between them and is maybe annoyed by it/just wants them to get to the romance part already lol. Like rip girl you have like 9 episodes until that haha. I can't wait to see her reaction to Kara sleeping with Baltar and Lee being angry/jealous about it and especially when they both hit each other in the face since up to that point Kara and Lee have not been physical with each other in the sense of harming one another. I feel she'll probably be so annoyed haha.

5. I definitely think she'll be saddened by Billy's death. Probably Dee's as well once we get there. Kara I think she'll probably be more confused than anything and I think she'll more just be sad at the finale for Lee and how he ends up alone.

6. I think she'll hate Tory. Based on other characters she currently hates, yeah. But it's also understandable since Tory is not the greatest person, especially in season 4.

7. I think she'll definitely be surprised by at least a few of the final five. Ellen she won't be surprised about (she already thinks she's a Cylon which is very fair). Tigh probably. Chief definitely. Tory I'm not sure. Sam yes.

8. I'm curious what her thoughts on Sam will be, especially considering how he messes up the Kara and Lee potential, but also just as a character. I personally like him as a character. If there wasn't the weird triangle/square between him, Kara, Lee, and Dee, I would probably like him even more.

9. I'm curious if she'll think Starbuck is a Cylon or not. Because I know that I for sure damn did. I thought it was rather obvious too because that's what they kind of made it seem to be. I mean, Leoben saying over and over how she has a special destiny and how she's "different" than the others. Her coming back to life after literally dying. And just all her connections to the Cylons and especially the song where the final five get revealed. It makes a little more sense after the show is finished (though we still never technically find out what she is) but yeah, I'm interested to see what my cousin's thoughts will be for all of that and especially in the way of how Kara dies, and when she returns and acts "off."

10. I'm also curious/excited to see her opinions on characters like Chief, Cally, Dee, Kat, etc. as we get to know them more.

11. My cousin makes a lot of funny comments and I love it. It's very entertaining to hear her comments and see her facial reactions. Also at one point she just said, "I hate this show." Haha you haven't even gotten to the worst parts yet. She's in for a long painful journey.

I could talk even more about all her reactions and thoughts and what I'm excited to see her reactions too but I don't want to make this too long haha but in general she likes the show and I'm very happy about that!! I also can't wait for her to get to the end of season 1 and what her reactions will be to some of the cliffhangers like Bill getting shot, Kara leaving in the Raider, etc. I will keep y'all posted!!

[ca-suffit]

Will never forget how when TCA photo shoots dropped and ppl were rightfully wanting to see more Jacob/Assad pairings for the promos, Virginia was getting asks saying that they were glad loumand shippers and those who wanted to see more jassad were “getting humbled” because they were getting “too cocky”, she was very much agreeing and adding on to these asks. It’s just really funny to me how she is always like “you should read the books and listen to the cast and crew, because then you’d know loumand is not the main couple this season!!” followed w that Sam gif she always hilariously misuses when like… the book and the show literally say the opposite… Reading the s2 reviews obviously confirms this lol but it reminded me of that moment and I had to laugh. So crazy, imagine seeing ppl excited for non-white queer rep and being glad they didn’t get what they wanted (and supposedly were never going to get it)… wanting to “humble” them… and saying you’re not racist…

I remembered this and here's the actual post :)

I also found some interesting things I never knew about while looking for this post so let's share those too :) :)

This was happening when I first made this account, so I remember it rly well. I was replying directly to all these ppl as long as I could. They're always saying stuff happens on anon bts so I was making it clear from the start that they could "finally" respond in public. Isn't that what they wanted? lol ig not.

Here's the only direct contact I had with virginia.

I *just* saw she replied to it, but take a wild guess why I wasn't notified of it. cuz u know I'd have responded if I had been. These ppl only get loud when they know there's no real "threat" of an interaction.

do u see how she didn't speak back to the things I was talking about in the post tho? she had to deflect again to "u hate lestat," "read the books," "ur speaking over jacob, A BLACK MAN" (their favorite shit to say like it's such a slam dunk?)

She also posted this

she was on a mission then to "prove" the bullying was real because this is the time when nalyra got caught doing all of this and they needed a distraction from that. she reblogged that showmey0urfangs PSA from the previous november too and aimed the fandom at black fans again, saying this was all part of an ongoing bts bullying issue. if it is then why tf can't u all ever have better receipts? why are these PSAs literally untagged shit from ppl's personal accounts or in direct reblogs to u and yet ur claiming it's all happening on anon. which one is it and why aren't u posting those things then? jfc they think we're all stupid.......

what I think is crazy too is the PSA caps reminded me of the timeline of stuff more. there used to be louder white ppl in the fandom about racism (and I remember this even more because showmey0urfangs got so mad about that in this post, trying to defend white fandom by screaming "I'M BLACK AND U HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME" at white ppl who pointed out she was doing racist shit) and it's funny how nalyra and virginia and them didn't start to be more openly racist like this until *after* those ppl weren't here anymore? crazy how u suddenly grew extra racist courage when u felt u wouldn't have as much pushback now. I don't remember them ever going after any users who they *knew* were white and saying this stuff either. if they feel any hint like ur prbly not white *and* not a book reader then look how the big voice comes out. but this isn't motivated by racism right lol?

look at this too

she answered so many asks back then to get sympathy and frame herself as a victim (to again distract from the nalyra shit), which is classic white woman / fandom manipulation.

idek how u write something like this tho and believe it makes sense? ppl speaking up about fandom racism is *always* going to be about fandom racism. u go in any fandom and it's there. it's never a cover up for something else. that's what white fandom *wants* u to think because they want to get as much support as possible. they know if they soothe white feelings about race and say "this isn't a real issue, it's about shipping / it's because I'm being unfairly targeted / it's because they're jealous" then most ppl *will* choose to believe that and defend them because it's the better feeling choice for them. talking about racism sucks. being on the side of loudly talking about racism sucks. you don't get to exist in fandom and "just have fun" when you do this. that's why most ppl stop doing it and either become white fandom themselves or leave public spaces for it.

look at this recent thing too

this is a manipulation attempt. she's aware of fans being upset at amc catering to white ppl for this and this is her way to cover up more for white fandom and say "I'm not an ANGRY BITCH about it (unlike some ppl), come support me, I'm better and nicer and treat ppl fairly."

anyway, fuck this racist bitch and her weird fucking ego over gatekeeping garbage ass anne rice books.

[msmargaretmurry]

ooh becky msmargaretmurry i have to ask about your rnh thoughts here because while i have never been in the oiler trenches and do not (Do Not!!!) intend to start now, i have been watching on the sidelines since the hall and eberle days and i LOVE to hear your opinions

oh thank you for asking anon!! for context i started watching the oilers on purpose in like 2010ish (i had a friend who was super into hall/eberle and i was NOT immune to that) — i do not claim to be an expert on any of this at all, this is just based on my own experiences and thoughts and ponderings. also for the record i think rnh is great. he is an oiler i am extremely fond of, and i'm glad he seems to have found a solid role there that he's content with and has found success in.

so to me the ryan nugent-hopkins of it all goes something like this:

when the oilers drafted taylor hall first overall in 2010, HE was supposed to be the savior of the franchise. the oilers had lost in the scf in 2006 and then immediately not made the playoffs for four straight years and no one was happy. they drafted taylor, hyped him up SO hard — this era was kind of the the advent of current Online Content era and they were making little videos of him arriving in edmonton, showing him around, fans recognizing him on the street. i feel like nowadays thall's stock as a player is like "good but not GREAT" but you must understand that when he was drafted first overall they were expecting him to be GREAT. him, plus hot young swedes linus omark and magnus pääjärvi, plus canadian world juniors hero jordan eberle had the oilers faithful (and the oilers front office) CONVINCED they were going to be turning things around. people were making t-shirts that said

HALL Omark Paajarvi Eberle

— HOPE, you see???

anyway obviously that season did not actually go that great. they finished last in the league. i think they won something like 25 games all season. and they wound up with another first overall pick, which was our boy, the nuge.

and the thing is, ryan was expected to be very good, but he was NOT expected to be the savior of the franchise. that was already taylor hall's job. there was a lot of concern his rookie season about him being too skinny and not strong enough to really make an impact at the nhl level yet (and to be fair, he DID look like a baby deer out there). the people and the powers that be were very much like, we're glad to have him, we think he'll be a great piece of this rebuild, but there was much more willingness to be like, okay well he might need a few years to finish baking.

rnh's rookie season was better than the season before, but it was still not good. they did not come close to making the playoffs. they were still very bad. the blue jackets were also very bad, and a friend and i drove to columbus and got seats on the glass for oilers/jackets for like $50. extremely funny experience, 10/10, do recommend.

(not relevant to this narrative but a very fun fact imo is that despite the oilers but godawful that season, 2011–12 had two of my favorite oilers games i ever watched: sam gagner's 8-point night against chicago, and a 9-2 win ALSO against chicago, who was one of the best teams in the league at the time. as a bl*ckhawks hater then and now, watching this clown car oilers team run roughshod over chicago brought me immeasurable joy.)

however, the only one of the young stars who was REALLY living up to expectations at this point was jordan eberle? iirc he lead the team in goals AND assists that year. the masses were starting to get impatient with the performances of the other young stars, especially first overall franchise savior taylor hall.

and the oilers won another draft lottery. (you can imagine at this point the rest of the league was already pretty sick of the oilers winning draft lotteries.) they drafted nail yakupov first overall. i am not going to dive deeply into the yakupov saga, because we would be here all night, but suffice to say that, no, he did not live up to first overall expectations, but also, yes, he was very much punished for Being Russian In Edmonton, and those two things cannot be untangled from each other. however, in the context of the nuge of it all, this leaves rnh in an interesting and particular spot: he is still not expected to be taylor hall, and wow he looks like such a nice pick compared to yakupov. rnh is playing pretty well! not all-star numbers or anything, but again, he's not the cornerstone of the franchise rebuild. he is an important brick, but not the foundation.

not like the rebuild is working anyway. with their arsenal of three straight first overall draft picks (and canadian world juniors hero jordan eberle), edmonton misses the playoffs for the seventh straight season. and then they miss them again. and then they miss them again. and it's not even like assigned franchise savior taylor hall is playing poorly — other than one slump of a season he is consistently putting up 50+ point seasons, including one 80 point season! but the oilers as a team are still a laughingstock in the league. it's not just that they're missing the playoffs. they are consistently near the bottom of the league.

to be clear, i don't think this was the fault of the players. i think the oilers were (are) pretty shit at management and were (are) pretty shit at prospect development. i think that when you have a team with that many decent-to-good players and you can't get out of the basement that the problem is systemic. but god forbid the front office take a good long look inward to diagnose the problem within themselves. no, the problem was that assigned franchise savior taylor hall was not doing his job (saving the franchise).

not that there wasn't any frustration toward other players, including rnh. there was frustration toward the team as a whole, but hall often bore the brunt of it. omark and pääjärvi were gone by around 2014. eberle was still well-liked but it was kind of accepted that he wasn't going to change the fate of the organization. the idea that the oilers needed to ship hall out becaue HE was the problem was in the air before the 2015 draft lottery.

and then the oilers won the 2015 draft lottery, and with it, connor mcdavid. people were not happy. (please click on this link it's so funny.) the oilers were so bad at this point that it was just generally accepted that connor going to the oilers meant the prime of his generational-talent career would be wasted by an incompetent team. honestly not really feeling like we've been proven wrong at this exact point in time!

however: connor mcdavid? brand new savior! way better savior than taylor hall ever would have been! the last five years of rebuild weren't REALLY a rebuild, the real rebuild was going to start with mcdavid!

and where is the nuge in all this? he has been pretty quietly plugging away, turning into a very good and reliable nhl player. a consistent 40–50 ish point player, not bad! fast forward a few seasons into the mcdavid era and he's putting up 80 points, 100 points! he's the longest-tenured oiler. the edmonton people and powers that be seem to really value him! which is really awesome.

this is not to say that there was never any "nuge should be better" discourse or any frustration with him when the team was doing so badly, because there was absolutely frustration with the whole team, including him. i do distinctly remember hearing the phrase "the oilers need more from ryan nugent-hopkins" more than once on the broadcasts. nuge finding his role on the team and the notable success he's had in more recent seasons has been a process, even though he hasn't ever been ~bad at the nhl level. however, imo, his positioning between noted disappointments hall and yakupov and also assigned saviors hall and mcdavid did put him in a unique position where people had a little more patience with him and blamed him less for the team's struggles than his fellow first overalls.

i do still miss the kid line sometimes though.

[burstingsunrise]

If you managed to process it, I would love to hear a story about your experience at Luke's Fonda show🥰 No pressure though, only if you want😊

funny timing for this, i wrote up a little summary post a while ago and have been kind of working up to posting it.

it's hard, because how do you adequately summarize something that means so much to you? it feels like nothing i say will be enough, but i do want to share some things about it, because i think that will help it feel real. thank u for asking and providing the encouragement. <3 emo bullet points ahead! i tried to focus mainly on show-related things but this experience wasn't just important to me because of the shows, so some of the other stuff sneaks in.

that’s the first thing. it didn’t feel real, and it still kind of doesn’t. because i was only there for a few days, and i spent every morning getting coffee with meg and every night seeing luke perform my favorite album. like…that’s not real. that can’t be real. 

accidentally but unsurprisingly coordinating outfits with meg on night one. the scientology recruiter on the sidewalk recognizing us from the day before when we’d walked by.

stress buying armloads of merch from an incredibly patient and probably at least somewhat high guy who immediately forgot about me, but who i will probably forever remember fondly.

roy and the mustard having a chat in the balcony.

standing in the crowd waiting for the first show to start. all of the anticipation mixed with all these different emotions, and then finally luke appears on stage. sings the opening of a beautiful dream. the lights shine on him more brightly as it crescendos and we finally get a good look at him. i turn to meg and i say “he’s so sparkly.”

comedown on night one. hearing “let me see all the things that i was supposed to see” while i was there. seeing it.

being able to look over at meg meaningfully when certain things happened during the shows, including but not limited to luke’s gratuitous displays of ass. poetic, really.

leaving the venue night one, in a daze. one of the security guys saying “have a good night” on our way out the door. he had no idea. no fucking idea what we’d just been through. have a good night! now that your lives have been changed forever! sausages on the sidewalk.

collapsing in the hotel lobby, quietly reviewing photos and videos, actually being able to do it openly and to talk about it or not talk about it, and to finally start to have it sink in.

staying up way too late, and eventually falling asleep in my new luke shirt.

the woman with the intense boston accent who hopped on the elevator and immediately asked me if the hotel had a coffee shop with a level of desperation in her voice that spoke to me deeply.

finding sam and meghna in line for night two, and the strange euphoria of speaking openly about things I almost never can to people i just met, but also already knew. being annoying and posting the same palm trees. wishing it would have worked out for emie to be there too.

grabbing meg’s hand to pull her into the crowd on night two. the feeling of relief. somehow we did it. two nights, two shows, two opportunities for everything to go wrong, but actually everything (or at least the things that mattered most) went right.

every time luke gazed our direction, on night two, which felt like a lot, and how every time it was kind of unbearable in the best way. because it’s him and because he was singing songs that mean so much to me while it felt like he was staring into my soul, and because i could look over at meg and know she knew exactly what i was feeling.

the shows going by so fast. i tried so hard to be in the moment and appreciate every second, but it was such a strange, out of body experience. this was something i’d daydreamed about and pictured in my head, but i never thought it was a real possibility. and even in my daydreams, i couldn’t fathom being that close to luke and being there with meg while it happened. it felt surreal that these things were actually happening to me.

the way luke smiled during the breakdown in mum, but also looked like he was dying so beautifully during place in me. admiring his large mouth during slip away. (it really does some riveting things to hit those points of emphasis.)

all the times he ran his hands through his hair to push it back off his forehead. all the times it fell right back where it was. the way he started the shows with it styled, but by comedown it was already just a perfect mess.

his silver nails and his new necklaces and the way his eyes sparkled.

night two, when luke started singing the new bloodline verse. that moment of “what is this? i don’t know this?” it hits different when it’s a song you know so well it’s like it’s a part of you, and suddenly there’s something new to it. thinking about those new lyrics, where they came from, how long they’ve existed, when and why luke decided to add them in, but just for night two.

the talking breaks, ranging from “i’m fuckin’ terrified” early on night one to “can you see my nipples in this shirt” late on night two. octopuses hanging from the ceiling. he didn’t know if anyone would like the album. but he knows we like to scream. making the album was such a very him thing to do, and it’s friday, and he’s in love.

the confetti cannon going off during starting line on night two, being positioned so it rained confetti into my hair, into my purse, down my shirt. it was blue and white and silver because of course it was, because luke thinks about these things.

his smiles and waves and little bows at the end. the shuffle step off stage and the way i watched his back disappear into the darkness until i couldn’t see him at all.

spending both shows with my hands clasped over my heart. it wasn’t a conscious choice. it’s just where they landed.

being stuck in the crowd after the night two show ended, surrounded by groups of people taking pictures of each other’s mascara tears or lying facedown in the confetti. seeing myself in some of those photos a few days later on twitter. and not just those photos - photos from the stage too. the photo luke posted (and took down). and the photo where meg and i are looking up at him with lovestruck smiles.

walking down hollywood boulevard at night, almost silent. walking down the other side of hollywood boulevard the next night, dodging drunk people, talking about luke’s nipples.

making the most absurd pouty face and waving pathetically on the elevator as i left meg on the 9th floor for the last time, then trying not to sob stepping out onto the 16th.

the trip home. feeling physically awful from several days living on iced lattes, kind bars, and no sleep. emotionally drained, sad to be leaving luke and la and meg. sitting at the airport, wishing i could be with my friends at the beach instead.

getting home, unpacking, tucking away my confetti for safekeeping. so incredibly happy but also so devastated to know that it really is possible to have it all, but only for a few days. grateful i had the chance at all, and that it worked out as well as it did.