#sam and crowley scene in “the prisoner” rights

[ananke-xiii]

"The Prisoner" is remembered for the destiel sex/fight scene which is fair. But do you remember how this scene parallelled Sam and Crowley previous scene where Sam plans to kill the King of Hell (because of Rowena but also because he wanted to) and THEN Crowley has the upper hand and SPARES Sam and tells him to REMEMBER that it was he, A MONSTER, as Sam called him, that decided to spare his life??

And how Cas wants to stop Dean but in the end he's the one whose life is spared because Dean's "connection" never really gets broken, everything stays connected all of the time for him, despite the mark and Cas' betrayal (from Dean's pov)?

And how, by the end of the episode, the big reveal is that the real "monsters" of the season were Sam and Cas? Or, at least, the people "in the wrong", whereas Dean and Crowley are framed as being if not good, better than them and decidedly in the right (even if they ALSO committed HORRIBLE acts too so we're led to choose which of the two evils is the lesser and pick a bloody side)? And they're the ones who actually hold the power of Death and Life over Sam and Cas?

Yeaaaaah, ngl, that's some intriguing stuff, quite different from both the early and the late seasons and their b/w mentality, although it's very grim because there literally is no morally good side, not even in the Winchesters ("good" as in: they're the main characters so we root for them), both brothers represent two different sides of morally bad behaviours and they are veeeery bad lol. They're fundamentally different but they're both based on the assumption that people can decide whether or not another person is good or bad and act for said person according to their belief system. But it's also problematic because by the end of the season Crowley is framed as this morally superior evil (but less evil than, let's say s8 because "The Power of Love") character but he is one of the main reasons they're in that mess in the first place and he did some awful manipulations to Dean's detriment and we're like, supposed to just forget about it (Sam didn't forget any of Crowley's shit and look where that got him). Lol. Mmmm yeah, it was a mess but, in retrospect, it's cool to analyze.

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱6)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Sam and Castiel lock Dean up after his attempt to kill Gadreel and they search to find a way to Metatron. Meanwhile you find yourself worried about Dean's progression with the mark and how it has effected him. After convincing you to let him out, Dean summons Crowley and the three of you find a way to locate Metatron.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Based on Season 9 episode 23 - major spoilers ahead. Death of a character.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫‘𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Hey guys, so this chapter was a bit longer than the others and I got a little carried away with this one but I hope you enjoy!

Then...

Dean saw Gadreel and he was already on the verge of seeing nothing but red. He was the man that killed Kevin. He possessed Sam for the longest time. Now was the worst time for him to come waltzing into the bunker.

"I mean no harm." Gadreel began.

"I've thought about what you said, and you're right." He continued but it was clear that everyone in the bunker was on their guard.

"Metatron is.. Something must be done. I can give him to you, I know where he is." He said

"The bombers? Those were his agents, not yours." He said as he looked at Castiel. "I understand if you don't trust me, and I understand. But we have all made mistakes. I know I have made many. But please, give me a chance."

Dean was still so unsure about this and he honestly wasn't sure if they should take this chance. If Gadreel thought about double crossing them then...

Well, Dean walked over and offered Gadreel his hand to shake. But instead of this handshake being one that stood for an alliance, Dean pulled the First Blade from behind his back again and slashed Gadreel in the chest.

Your eyes widened when you saw Sam and Dean holding Dean back and you could tell that Dean was so far from done when it came to this specific angel.

Now...

Dean was severely pissed off that Gadreel was in the Bunker. He hated that Cass and Sam seemed to be willing to work with him after everything Gadreel put all of them through. Dean had already nearly lost his relationship with Sam over the possession fiasco. None of this felt right and he just wanted them to hurry up and find out where the Hell Metatron would be.

What was making everything so much worse was that Sam and Castiel insisted on putting Dean in the dungeon where they put Crowley. Was it really necessary to put him on lockdown like he himself was a demon or some other kind of prisoner?! They needed to come up with a plan now that Castiel lost his army. Yet Sam was insisting on locking up the only one that can tank the stupid sonofa bitch!

His mind going everywhere at once. And it didn’t help that he was feeling nauseated since Sam took the blade away.

His arm was killing him, and typically distracted himself from it with by drinking. But his bottle of Jack was already emptied and they hadn’t gone back for more, and so was the six pack they just bought. He wished Cass hadn’t knocked him out with his stupid angelic mojo that he had. Then he could take out every bad thing that’s every happened to him and Sam out on Gadreel as much as he wanted to. He hated that he was being put on the bench right now while everyone was recuperating until they find where Metatron was.

He heard the locks turning on the doors but he was caught by surprise when he glanced up and saw you coming through the door.

“What do you want?”

“To check on you. Is that a crime now, Mr. Dictator?”

Dean sighed a little, gathering you heard what he told Sam before Gadreel came onto the scene. He realized that you didn’t wait on him to tell you to shut the door, or to have a seat next to him on the concrete floor despite the devil’s trap painted all around.

“You haven’t exactly been much help lately. I thought that was the whole point of Sam asking you to come along.” Dean said with a little grumble.

“And when exactly have we had the time to actually sit down and talk so I can try? All you’ve done the past day and a half or so since I’ve met you was argue with your brother, then the angel, then you went and caught a reaper then proceeded to kill her.” He rolled his eyes at your little tangent.

“I didn’t kill her. For the last damned time she threw herself into the blade.”

“That’s another thing. You had an agreement with your brother and it was pretty shitty of you to break that deal just because of the stupid mark. And you damn well know that too.”

“Are you done lecturing me? You’re not my mother.”

“No, as a matter of fact, I’m not done.” You answered and he grunted with frustration. “If you’re so mad at the world, then why don’t you be mature about this damned mark and use it properly instead of tossing yourself into the fire or throwing stupid tantrums like a damned child?”

“I’m not throwing a tantrum.”

“You are. Your brother is worried about you and we’ve talked about that before. And I can tell you care about Sam too. But more importantly, I know you’ve been trying not to become the person you’re turning into. Cain warned you of the great cost of this mark. And everyone around you can tell that it is really changing you. But no one else can see how it’s affecting you physically.” You said and he looked at you.

When he looked at you, he could tell that there was something off about you - for a demon that is. You kind of reminded him of Crowley when he had a taste of human blood. It was weird that you were bringing up his brother in all of this, weird that you were trying to reason with him. Or maybe all of this was some big lie and you were working with Crowley just to get the blade.

“And how exactly am I supposed to ‘properly’ use it without it feeling like Hell all the time?”

“First.. tell me how you’re feeling. Right now.”

He lifted a brow and he hadn’t expected that to be the first remark about this whole thing. He looked down at his arm and oddly enough, when he thought about it, his mark wasn’t burning, itching, or driving him quite as crazy as it’s been since he got it. It’s like every time you’re near, like he’s discovered before, it was like a sense of calm similar to what the blade gave him when he held it.

“It’s… better than it’s been in the past I suppose.”

“Okay.. Is it the same feeling you get with the First Blade?” He nodded.

“I know that with this mark, it makes you irritated, easily angry almost all of the time. It makes you yearn for some kind of relief like a drug and killing is the only way to make the pain completely go and you’re on a high. I still go through it even if I’ve been in hiding all this time. I know you didn’t want to talk about it while we were in Castiel’s headquarters but… now’s a good a time as any now that it’s just this group right?” Dean supposed he couldn’t deny any of this.

“Do you trust me?” You asked him, causing Dean to look at you.

“What?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Trust is kind of an iffy word for everyone right now, you know.”

“Well yeah, being a demon doesn’t help. But I mean with this whole mark thing.” Dean thought about it for a moment and he shrugged.

“I guess so, considering…”

“I need to know just how far you’ve developed with the mark. And.. the only way I can really do that is kind of with a mind meld.”

“You mean the thing shifters do? No, I don’t think so.” He heard you groan with clear aggravation and he lifted a brow.

“Dean, do you want my help or not?”

Dean was about to argue but his head started to ache and he ended up giving in, not really wanting to put up a fight. The next thing he knew, he could feel your hand on his head.

When you placed your hand on his head, you basically had a recap of everything leading up to Dean getting the mark and the aftermath of it. It was like a montage if anything.

You saw that he was working with Crowley first behind Sam’s back to kill Abaddon. You saw when they went to the bee farm where Cain resided and you could feel the instant that Dean got the mark. The sensation and adrenaline rush was something indescribable. Then there was the first time he held the First Blade in his hands. The moment that Dean knew he couldn’t be stopped. You saw the first time that he killed with it, then the next time, then the time he finally got to kill your mother.

That sight was something to behold for you. You saw just how powerful Dean was becoming with the mark since he was able to withstand the force Abaddon had when she tried to pin him against the wall. You could see Dean walk to the Knight of Hell and it took one stab through the abdomen to kill her. But it wasn’t enough. You could feel how the mark overtook Dean and he straddled the Knight, stabbing her over and over again until his hand was soaked with red and his face and clothes were covered with blood. The overkill was too much, yet so satisfying for him and he needed that release up until Sam got him to stop.

Now it was at the point where you could see why Dean felt the need to take the blade everywhere with him.

When you took your hand away and you looked at Dean, you could see that his face was getting pale. He got up and ran to the corner of the room, causing you to cringe when Dean practically spilled his guts in the corner. You looked away as you heard him coughing up whatever he ate and when it was over, you looked over at him and he was looking at himself in the mirror you didn’t know was there.

You saw the look of worry in his face and when you squinted, you saw the red on the corner of his lips before he used his sleeve to wipe up the blood as best as he could from his mouth.

“So… Crowley was the one that got you into this hole Cain mess, huh?” You asked.

“Oh bite me.” He grumbled and you watched Dean gather some supplies.

“What are you doing?”

“Grabbing the shit I need to talk to Crowley. He's the one that got me into this damned mess, so he can tell me what’s going on with me.” You rolled your eyes.

“I’m right here, and I could always tell you so you don’t have to go running off with the guy you want to kill again.” You reminded.

You watched Dean turn his head towards you before he sighed and walked over. He sat down in front of you while you were still in the devil’s trap.

“I can’t turn whatever this is off. Ever since Abaddon… I need to kill. It’s more than just that junkie kind of feeling now. It’s constantly eating at me and if I don’t kill-“

“You find your guts are being vomited out.”

“Thanks for putting it lightly.” He rolled his eyes and you sighed at how stubborn he was.

“You’re in this pretty deep, Dean. Honestly I don’t know how much help I can be at this point. You guys should have come sooner.” You sight before continuing.

“All of this is because of the mark. I can tell you that much. The mark wants you to kill, it’s trying to take control in a way. The more you kill, the better you feel. The less you kill… well you get the idea from exhibit A.” You said and pointed at the disgusting puddle in the corner. “And if you don’t I’m afraid that you’ll.. well…”

“Die? You’re not dead, and neither is Cain.”

“The difference is that dear old Dad and I are demons, remember? You’re human… The blade is an unbelievably powerful thing for any mortal. Your body is just not strong enough to take in all that power.”

“What so you’re saying I can’t handle this Metatron thing?” He asked getting on the defensive and you rolled your eyes.

“No, dumbass. No human is able to contain that much power. It’s nothing personal. Hell if it didn’t effect humans this bad I’s say you’re one of the best candidates out there. Cain knew what he was doing when he gave you his curse.”

Then you could see the wheels turning in Dean’s mind. You tilted your head and wondered what he was thinking about. Was it the thought of dying that was holding him back? Was he wondering if Sam would bother to bring him back after this mess?

“What if I got rid of it?”

The fact that dean came up with that thought sort of surprised you. You weren’t sure if he really meant what he asked or if he just didn’t want to barf up his intestines again. This was a side of Dean you hadn’t come across yet and you had to admit, it was a little worrisome. Even for you.

“Is that something you actually want?” You asked.

“What I want is Metatron dead… that’s the main priority. Then everything else we can get sorted out later. But I need you to help me out.”

You gazed up at the green-eyed hunter and you knew that this probably wouldn’t end well with his never-ending sibling drama. A part of you knew he may die, whether its because of Metatron or because of the mark if Sam an Dean couldn’t get it off in time since that was a seemingly new idea for Dean. But you knew how important this Metatron case was for the boys.

You sighed and you stood up, “Well, you can’t expect me to help you if I’m in the devil’s trap, can you?”

And for the first time since you’ve met the man, Dean smirked. It wasn’t a smile, but it was close enough. It was odd being smiled at by a hunter. But you watched him break out his pocket knife and scrape the floor so you had a way out.

“While you’re at it, you might as well summon Crowley now too. I’ve got a couple of bones to pick with him myself.”

Then you disappeared from Dean’s sight.

You and Dean made it out of the Bunker only to realize that Sam, Castiel and Gadreel were gone. So you took the opportunity to take the blade and flee the Bunker. Although you didn't like the fact that Crowley was sitting in the Impala with you and Dean on the way to wherever the Winchester planned on driving to.

Dean's phone was going off yet again and you knew that it was Dean. You knew how concerned that Sam was and you hoped that Dean knew what he was doing. What if they were coming up with a different plan and Dean wasn't there to hear it?

You, Dean and Crowley made it to Dean's little destination of sorts. Another bar - big surprise there. But you all stepped out of the car, Dean had the blade in one hand and a laptop tucked beneath his arm.

You sat down at the table quietly as Dean opened up his laptop and initially, Dean only ordered a coffee. But then Crowley rambled about something you didn't care to pay attention. But the King of Hell convinced Dean to at least order something to eat. Although you weren't sure if he'd actually eat based on you witnessing him getting sick back in that little dungeon.

"So... you actually exist." Crowley said, shifting his small talk to you since Dean was being mostly unresponsive and too focused on his computer screen since Sam wasn't here to do the research for him.

"Yeah. Can't say the same for two of your demons. Thanks for that by the way." You said spitefully.

You watched the suit wearing demon with the accent lean back in his chair, more intrigued with you rather than fearful of you.

"Forgive me. I needed your assistance with something but I see Moose and Squirrel got to you first."

"Moose and wha-"

"Dumb pet names he calls Sam and me." Dean answered without looking up and you hummed.

"Oh... Well yeah. Your little 'Moose' and the angel I assume had the idea to find me." You replied to the other demon.

"Now, why the Hell were you looking for me? You already got Dean into this mess with Cain, you even got him involved with the First Blade."

"I told you, I needed some assistance. Wanting some information on the blade and see what you knew about it when it effects the humans. I may or may not have been planning to tell you where the blade was, send you to the Winchesters so you could reclaim the blade."

"Oh yay, love a good betrayal." You rolled your eyes. "But we're sort of set on killing Metatron if you couldn't tell."

"Yes, of course. I can see that." The King said before he tilted his head a little, "Although I have wondered, why have you decided to go into hiding like your father. Especially now that your mother is dead. It isn't like her demons will be able to bring you back to Hell so why stay in hiding?"

"Remanences of my teen rebellion I guess. Didn't want to go back because all she wanted me for was to kill Cain with the First Blade. Never did, obviously. Never went back because I didn't want to care enough to go back. If I wanted to torture demons or other souls for the hell of it, I could summon demons, angels, I can hunt monsters or whatever I want to. I've stayed away from humans because well, their disappearances draw too much attention." You said and you smirked for a moment.

"Although, killing you next might be fun since the hunter's got the claim on Metatron."

"Well anyway, what about you, Dean? Is this what you and Sam do all the time? Just go to bars and search for cases? Maybe partake in the local... entertainment?"

You saw Dean glare at the other demon over the laptop.

"Don't you ever wonder if there's more than just this?" Crowley looked back at Dean and he shrugged a little, "I kicked the human blood."

"Oh so you're back to being a full metal douche, huh? You want a teddy bear or a cookie?"

"Just trying to make conversation, Squirrel."

"How's Hell, Crowley?" He asked and looked at the King of the underworld, clearly not genuinely giving a crap about whatever the answer would be.

"Hell's fine... Like a Swiss watch. Don't worry about it."

Then there were a few seconds of silence where Dean looked at Crowley with a skeptical look on his face and you lifted a brow slightly.

"Hell's complicated."

"No no no, Game of Thrones is complicated. Hell's not complicated. Shower sex, not that's complicated, don't get me started, but Hell? No, that's not complicated. The only problem Hell has is you."

You were caught up with the line about human blood. Demons could take human blood? How did it effect a demon?

"Wait, demons can be injected with human blood? How the hell does that work" You asked, interrupting their conversation.

"Same as injecting heroine really. It acts like a drug. You can cure a demon and when my brother was on a task to close the gates of Hell he had to do some trials and one of them was to cure a demon." Dean answered and you looked at the hunter with surprise.

Curing a demon? That was something you had never heard of and that idea was... interesting in a way. You weren't sure if you wanted to test that on yourself but the idea made you curious.

Anyway, while Dean and Crowley talked about what was going on with Metatron and Dean's plans, other demons came along and you lifted a brow when they brought a phone to Crowley.

"Well, now... looks like your angel has gone viral." The King of Hell said and he handed the phone over to Dean.

You scooted your chair over and leaned in so you could see the video, and there he was. That toad-faced bastard was on YouTube and evidently a woman almost died. Or maybe she was dead. Then Metatron came and healed her and he whispered something in the woman's ear. When someone asked who he was, he gave Marv as his name.

When the video was done you put your chair back where it was, "What the hell kind of a name is Marv?" You asked and leaned back against the chair, crossing your arms over your chest.

"You think this is funny?" Dean asked you, but you brushed him off.

"This was taken a few hours ago in Indiana." Crowley interrupted and that was when Dean shut the laptop and started to get up.

"Woah woah woah, you aren't going to eat your food?" Crowley asked. You watched Dean toss a couple of dollars on the table.

"Not hungry."

You watched Dean leave the bar and you sighed a little before you got off the chair but then you felt a hand on your arm. You turned while Crowley looked at you.

"Why are you insistent on staying? You know you can't help the lad. You could leave now and no one could blame you. You and I both know you don't care enough of this whole mess to kill Metatron with the blade, so it is still Dean's quest. So why stay if you can't give him any advice on the mark after all?"

You looked at the short, balding demon, "I don't owe you any kind of explanation for what I do."

You shrugged your arm away and the two of you went to follow Dean and you climbed into the passenger's seat.

He did give you a little food for thought, though.

Why did you decide to stay? He was right, you gave Dean the necessary information he could get for his progression with the mark. The brothers were a little too late in finding you to prevent his condition from getting worse, so you could have left forever ago.

Somewhere down the line, Crowley was able to locate where the woman in the YouTube video lived. So now the three of you were riding along in Dean's car to that location.

You glanced over at Dean since you were in the passenger's seat beside him. You felt something strange towards him and it wasn't because of the mark. It was something in your chest but it wasn't making you happy. It was sort of making you feel some sort of pity for this man.

What would happen if he failed? He would never be the same again. He would lose everything now that he was on this path. You wondered if that was why he was set on following through with this without Sam.

The thought of all of this was honestly making you ache and you forced yourself to look away and you looked through the windshield.

Dean could feel your gaze on him and he didn't like whatever feeling it was giving him that went along with your look. He didn't like feeling pitied by demons. Especially not one like you.

He couldn't wait to get this thing with Metatron over with. But he knew the potential cost of this thing. He knew that this wouldn't be easy, and he knew that his little brother may hate him for this.

He didn't expect for his brother to bring him back.. not this time. Not after all the lies Dean told Sam about Gadreel in the past. Not after all the arguments they've been having lately. Not after trying to bring Sam back when he wasn't ready to come back.

There were times, rare moments but enough to make Dean wonder, if Dean should have even made Sam help him look for their father all those years ago.

Sam was going to college, he had a life lined up for him. Dean knew that he messed it all up by going to get Sam that day. But he didn't want to do this alone. He knew that he probably would not have lived this long if it wasn't for Sammy.

Dean looked at you for a moment while you were seemingly focused on the road ahead of them and he noticed your brows seemed to be knitted together. Could you be worried about something? What did someone like you have to be worried about.

The hunter's jaw tensed before he looked out of the windshield again before he reached beside him and held one of your hands.

He'd noticed that whenever you two had touched hands it brought calm for him and he wondered if you could feel that way too.

"Look... I'm sorry you got roped into all this thanks to Sam. Nobody asked you to stay but... thanks for sticking around anyway."

He could tell with his peripheral vision that you looked at him yet again. Then he could feel you clasp his hand with the one he was already holding.

"It's not like I had anywhere else to be. Besides, Metatron sounds like a dick-bag and I want to see how this ends." He heard you say, causing him to grin a little. it had been a while since he had been able to grin or smile. It was a nice change, even if it would be short lived.

He didn't know what was going on with him, but was it wrong to feel this way for a demon? Maybe it was just the mark and the fact that you had one too. Maybe it was the fact that only you could truly understand what he was going through and you've been the only one outside of the blade to make him feel steady.

He was sure as Hell that this wasn't anything like love. Just an infatuation he supposed. An interest that would go nowhere, especially with a demon. He got enough shit from even working with Crowley.

He gave your hand a slight squeeze before letting go and he placed his hand on the wheel again, focusing on the road.

Finally, Dean pulled up to the trailer where their new lead lived but unfortunately he saw Sam there undoubtedly waiting for them.

Dean stepped out of the car and for some reason, Crowley did too.

"Well, it doesn't take demons to follow a lead. Remember? We used to be pretty good without them." Sam said, causing Dean to scowl again.

"If this is some kind of intervention again, Sammy, you know it's not gonna work. I know what i have to do and you aren't going to stop me whether I like it or not."

"Alright, alright. I know you don't want to be stopped or you think you can't be stopped or whatever. But did you really have to summon Crowley for all this? You're better than that, Dean, and you know that."

"He wasn't the one that was trying to lock me up! Or did you already forget about that? I swear the hair product shit you use must be doing something with that memory of yours."

"Um, hello! Can you guys stop the bickering or five seconds so we can focus here?!" Both the boys heard you shout from the other side of the car and Sam sighed.

"Look, I know that our options are limited, Dean. And, and I know that you're our best shot." Sam began, trying to be open minded and see if Dean was willing to cooperate with him.

"You wanna know what Metatron said to the lady in the video right?" Dean nodded, "I'll tell you but we have to get one thing straight. You and I are in this together, no more running off with the King of Hell."

"Ouch, I'm right here, Moose." Crowley piped up and Dean looked over at the demon, then back at his brother.

Dean turned around and looked at Crowley and he put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and told Crowley rather bluntly, "Look, Crowley, you once told me that you were tired of being on this hamster wheel. So this is your ticket off."

When you saw the look on Crowley's face, he seemed almost hurt in a way.

"Ahh... I see. I suppose I've been Winchester'd." He said and the King looked at you.

"Don't get overly attached to these two. They'll use you up and spit you out. they're worse than the demons I command." He warned you, then with the snap of a finger he was gone.

You looked from where Crowley was standing to the two boys. Then you looked at Dean. He took a step towards you and you clenched your jaw before shutting the door.

"Don't bother contradicting what he said, Dean." You said, you could see him freeze in his tracks.

"Y/N, it's not like that. Crowley's been an eternal pain in the ass since we met the guy and he's been on out hit list for years." Dean began and you interrupted him.

"Oh so if I prove not to be useful, I'll be next? Not that fighting a Winchester doesn't sound interesting, especially since I know I'd win even without the blade, but now it doesn't even seem worth the effort anymore." You said.

"You said yourself, I didn't have to stay. Honestly I don't know why I did."

"Y/N, wait-" Sam called out but by the time he could try to intervene and both the boys walked over to try and talk to you.

Your eyes glowed red and you held out your hand, causing them to freeze in their tracks and cringe with pain. Seeing them in pain was exhilarating for you. The deepest and darkest part of you was even enjoying this because it had been so long since you had brought pain to humans. Their lives were in your hands in that very moment.

However, you knew that their task was important. You knew that is was so you released them from your grasp.

"Don't look for me. Either of you."

After those words, you were gone.

Dean had remained quiet the entire drive to the next known location of Metatron. Sam had filled him in on Castiel and Gadreel's plan in Heaven and that they needed him to simply stall. That he thought he'd be able to do. Then his mind drifted.

He was replaying that afternoon's events over and over again, wondering how they could have been different.

He barely had the chance to explain that he wanted you to stay. Judging by the way Sam tried to step in, he may have wanted you to stay too. He couldn't deny that he and his brother did have a reputation of using demons. But they used humans just as much!

"You alright?" Dean heard his brother ask.

He lifted a brow and glanced at Sam for a moment before looking at the road again.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean about Y/N." Sam began.

"I mean, I know that you've been on edge lately before she came around, and you were still on edge even after she came around but... You sort of seemed to have some kind of level headed moments. Even if you didn't kill Tessa."

Dean was stunned that Sam was talking about Tessa again, even more shocked that he seemed to finally believe that he didn't kill Tessa after all.

"It's a part of life, Sam. People come and go. I'll be fine." Dean said.

"You will be, but you aren't right now. What if we found some way to track her like you and Crowley did with Cain?" Sam suggested and Dean gripped his steering wheel.

"Will you just drop it already!? You and Cass were the ones that brought her into our lives in the first place! We've already pissed her off and I'm not going to have her kill us just because she left and we looked for her when she told us to stay away."

When Sam went quiet, Dean sighed before speaking again.

"Let's just focus on killing Metatron. Then.. if you want to go looking for Y/N again, then fine." He compromised.

The truth was, though, he wasn't sure if he'd live long enough to go looking for Y/N. If this mark was going to kill him, he knew that Metatron had to be the priority. He didn't know how much longer he had left even if he wanted to look for you.

Soon enough, Sam and Dean pulled up to the location and they got out of the car.

When the brothers made their way to the trunk, Dean opened it up and he thought about it for a moment while he stared at the tools and weapons.

"Listen Sam... about these past few months.."

"I know... It's been a lot, but we're okay." Sam reassured, knowing his big brother had never been fond of chick-flick moments. Then Sam took the First blade and he handed it to Dean.

"Now before we find some other thing to fight about, you ready to fight this son of a bitch?" Before Sam could get an answer, all he saw was black.

Dean watched his brother fall and he lowered his arm after knocking his brother out.

"Sorry, Sammy... this isn't your fight."

You had been following the Impala for the last several hours.

Yes you were still hurt at the idea that maybe one day they'd only use you up like they did Crowley, but you meant what you told Dean in the car. You wanted to see how this ends and you wanted to see Metatron dead just as much as they did.

You watched over Dean as he walked through the alley full of the homeless people Metatron was trying to impress. You still thought Marv was a stupid name.

You watched Dean finally find Metatron and you could feel what Dean was feeling. You could feel the anticipation the mark was giving him and the urge to slit his throat there. He didn't look like a difficult target.

Dean and Metatron were down there trash talking since you were upstairs watching below. You couldn't really hear what the two were saying but whatever it was, you could tell that this guy was getting on Dean's last nerve.

You could hear snippets of Dean and Metatron going back and forth about how Metatron was nothing but a fake, something about God not truly caring enough for humanity but Metatron knew every human's name. There was something about Dean commenting about Metatron having his name on every bumper sticker and replacing God's name in the Bible. then there was something about Metatron asking Dean of he could blame him for some kind of recognition.

You could tell how angry that made Dean when he started blaming Metatron for different deaths of who you presumed were Dean's friends. One name stuck out to you, Kevin. You had heard something about a prophet dying, a kid at that.

"Come on, Dean... You can do this..." You whispered to yourself and that was when you saw a fight finally start and you winced when you saw Metatron practically fling Dean around like a ragdoll.

You sighed and you sat down while you watched, hoping Dean would get a grip. He did for a while but when the close combat started, you were getting worried.

You could hear Sam in the distance looking for Dean and you knew this wouldn't be good. Any kind of distraction could be fatal right now especially if it was his brother.

"Don't focus on that, Dean. Focus on the fight!" You said, more to yourself so you wouldn't distract him.

But from what you could see, dean was getting beat up pretty bad and your heart was racing. That worry was back and you head that you were worrying for a human but you couldn't help it. You wanted to do something. Anything, if you could.

This couldn't be happening. Things couldn't end for the hunter this way. Dean still had so much he could do, so much he needed to do. Sam still needed him and even you could see that.

You teleported down and saw the fight up close. Dean was leaning up against a large Conex box used for storage on ships or trains. He was beaten and bloody and he was holding out his hand for the blade.

By the time he got the blade, Metatron was standing over him.

"Dean!" You cried out but it was too late.

Metatron stabbed Dean with the angel blade and Sam was already running over to see if Dean was okay.

While you watched Sam run to his brother, you felt something on the inside of you bubbling up. The familiar rage and the burning in your arm returned.

You held out your hand and the First Blade was snatched from Dean's hand into your own.

The moment you held that blade in your hand again, you felt its power surging through you once again. You had almost forgotten what it was like to hold the magnificent weapon.

"Y/N! Don't!" You could hear Dean calling you but you didn't care to hear it as you teleported in front of Metatron, grabbing him by the collar.

"A pathetic, sorry excuse, for a low class Angel. I've fought archangels mightier than you." You seethed and Metatron laughed.

"Wow.. not only is there an angel I know that loves humanity... but am I gathering the fact that a demon loves humanity too? What are the odds of that?" You could hear the angel speak and your eyes went red.

You used the blade and stabbed Metatron in the abdomen, in a spot where he wouldn't die quickly. But he'd die slowly, painfully and he would be able to feel the life exiting his body.

Besides, Castiel ran into you when you left the boys and you knew they needed this scum bag alive. That was the only reason you didn't kill him outright. If they wanted to heal him, they could.

You could feel the ground beneath you beginning to shake and you looked around.

"The tablet..." You could hear Metatron speak and he disappeared. You assumed it was to Heaven but you ran back to Sam and Dean.

You saw from a distance that Sam was carrying Dean.

"Come one, we need to get you to a hospital." You could faintly hear Sam say. You wanted to know what they were saying clearer so you stepped closer and hid behind a corner.

"No, it's better this way... This mark... i-it's turning me into something I don't wanna be..." You heard Dean speak and you could feel something inside of you beginning to break.

"I have to say something.. It's important." You could hear Dean say as he was holding onto his brother.

Sam carefully set Dean down so he could speak. Sam must've known Dean was losing a lot of strength and a lot of blood.

"I'm proud of us..."

You could tell those were Dean's last words to Sam as he fell onto Sam's shoulder. Sam sat him up and cupped his face and you could hear him call out Dean's name a few times as if to try and wake him up but it was too late...

Watching Sam mourn and hold his brother woke up something in you.

The bond that the brothers had was unbreakable. You've never witnessed something like this up close and seeing someone mourn the death of a loved one like this... You didn't know how humans could do it. It had to take some kind of strength. You knew you didn't have what it took to be a human, but you could finally say you understood why the brothers do what they do. You see why they care and you can see why they love...

You wanted so badly to walk over and say something to Sam, but you didn't know what you should say.

So... into the shadows you returned, leaving the blade behind and abandoning it despite the urge to bring it along with you.

Sam had placed Dean's dead body onto his mattress since they had returned to the bunker. Little did Sam know what the future would hold.

For in that very moment, the mark was beginning to transform Dean. He was in some sort of interval between life and death. The mark wouldn't let go so easily.

Dean's soul was starting to become more and more corrupted because of the mark and yet he felt like he was in some kind of void.

"Your brother, bless is soul... is in the process of summoning me to bring you back." Dean could almost hear a familiar voice. He knew it was Crowley and even the thought of him being close to his dead body was made him feel sick.

"The whole making a deal to bring you back thing. It's so expected, part of the same dance routine. Predictable and rather worn I should say."

Why couldn't Dean move? He could hear Crowley speaking to him about his brother and for some reason, he was starting to care less and less about what his brother was doing in that moment. Why was that happening to him? He wanted to stay with his brother but the other half of him couldn't care less if he was mourning.

"It doesn't matter if he wants to bring you back, Dean. It won't matter to anyone if you still have your humanity."

There was a second voice in his head and it sounded like himself, but Dean wasn't speaking. Another being came into Dean's view and it was an image of himself with the blackened eyes of a demon.

"Let go of that humanity. Live for yourself and chase your heart's desires. Chase them no matter how ugly and warped those desires may be." The demon was beginning to tell him.

When the comment of deep, dark and ugly desires were mentioned, Dean could feel his heart swell at the thought of killing anyone and everything - but he wouldn't be alone. His desire was to have you there by his side. The one woman who could even start to fathom what this hell has been like for him. You could share that together.

His desire was to slaughter millions together. Even if something like that was so incredibly wrong.

"You have to believe me when I say I didn't know this would happen, Dean. It's important that you know that when I told you to take on the Mark of Cain I didn't know this would happen. Not really. But perhaps I didn't tell you everything..."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Dean just wanted to die before he could turn into whatever was standing right in front of him. He didn't want to be a demon. He didn't want to be a killer, but everything inside of him was craving that darkness, let himself indulge in those desires.

"I never lied, Dean. It's fundamental that you know that. But this story.. I may have forgotten to tell you..."

"Evidently, Cain was even willing to accept death rather than turn into the killing machine that the mark wanted him to be. So, he used the First Blade on himself. But.. the mark never quite let go."

Dean was listening to this and he looked back at the demon version of himself who was smiling wickedly.

"I know, interesting isn't it? Just the fact that even Cain was in the same position you are in now? That's pretty impressive that you could be in the same shoes as the Father of Murder himself." The demon laughed, making Dean's stomach churn.

"I didn't tell you about this because well, why get excited over something that may or may not even be true? A waste of time to get excited over speculation."

"It wasn't until you summoned me and I saw your current state, wasn't until I realized you wouldn't even eat a cheeseburger that I decided... what if I gave believing a shot? Maybe miracles really do come true."

Dean looked down at his hands. If Cain couldn't defeat this, why should he fight the inevitable? He had been doing it all his life, fighting for Free Will but this... This was different. And he was so tired of fighting..

When Dean looked up at the demon version of himself, he was offering out a hand, "Come on.. what do you say? Give up being human and have a taste of real freedom."

Then Dean felt something else in his hand. It was the First Blade and he looked at it. When did they get this? Last he remembered, you had taken it. Where did Crowley get it.

Either way, he was feeling more alive in that moment than he had felt in years.

"Listen to me, Dean. What you're feeling right now? It's not death... it's life. A new kind of life..."

Dean looked at the demon and he had already had Dean's hand clasped, mark to mark. "It's go time Baby."

"Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see... Feel what I feel. And let's go take a howl at that moon."

The next thing Dean knew he could finally open his blackened, demonic eyes and embrace the demon he finally became.

Thank you guys so much for reading so far! I'm so glad you all have stayed up until this point and I hope you're enjoying where the story is going. Tell me what you think will happen next!

Tag List:

@roseblue373 @deans-spinster-witch @johannelis2302nely @justtrying2getby-blog @alternativeprincess94 @doctorlexilouwhosblog

[mothgardens]

Prefacing this by saying: I mean absolutely ZERO hate towards destiel truthers or people who don’t ship sastiel, but this is a shining opportunity for me to yap and yap and yap <3

Ok, so i’m currently on my second watch through of supernatural (currently im on 07x10), and I have noticed plenty of moments that make them ship-worthy, so:

Reasons I ship Sastiel, xoxo

1. Obviously i’m going to compare the Destiel first meeting to the Sastiel first meeting.

When Dean first saw Cas he attempted to stab him and attack him. He argued and threatened him. (I understand they thought he was a threat and all, but Dean’s attitude didn’t change for like half of season four)

Whereas when Sam first saw Cas he was in aw. He reached his hand out in hope, he stumbled on his words, and their handshake OMIGOD- Cas wrapping his hand over Sam’s, sandwiching the man’s hand in an embrace.

Sam was (probably, not definitely) the first nonviolent physical contact Cas got.

2. When Anna starts hunting Sam down and Cas says, “Because Sam is my friend” and “If you come near Sam Winchester, I’ll kill you”

3. In 05x13 “The Song Remains The Same”, Sam is far more worried about Cas than Dean is. Dean shows concern when he spots Cas, but after that it really doesn’t seem to bother him.

4. Cas being the first one to believe in Sam when it came to his strength to trap Lucifer into the cage.

5. Castiel CHOSE to raise Sam, it was an ORDER to raise Dean.

6. Cas being concerned over returning Sam’s soul through Death because of the possible effects, “i want Sam alive.” That line along with Cas being pissed at Dean for going through with the soul transfer bc it could have killed Sam.

7. Cas showing up immediately to Sam’s prays once his soul is returned. (I head-canon Cas never showed up for Soulless Sam bc he felt so much guilt at not having enough power to raise all of Sam).

8. Sam saying “I’d die for him” about Cas.

9. Cas saying the same perdition line to SAM in s6.

10. Sam still having hope in Cas (during his Godstiel arc) even when Dean is pissed off and unforgiving.

Sam praying to Cas and saying, “I don’t know if any part of you cares, but I think you’re still one us”

Cas showing up and begging Sam for help.

Now onto the segment of random Sastiel moments that live in my head rent free:

SEASON NINE SASTIEL IS THE SASTIEL OF SASTIEL !!!!

1. Dean letting a random ass angel (which he shouldn’t trust knowing his history with most angels) possess his brother through means of trickery and deceit.

Lest us not forget that possession is an allusion to noncon related content, and Dean gave permission to a stranger to do that to his brother. Said brother who has a history of losing his bodily autonomy, and hating it.

Then, Dean telling Cas that he cannot stay with them because it might reveal that “helpful” angel. Which is Dean sending Castiel off in his most vulnerable state (human) to just fend for himself (something Cas has no idea how to do properly).

Doesn’t sound too romantic to me <3

2. Cas being against Dean letting ANOTHER person (Crowley) possess Sam to get rid of Gadreel.

Cas reluctantly burning of Sam’s anti possession tattoo

3. Then Sam and Cas staying together after Dean has his “nobody needs me” speech and leaves

4. Literally all of 09x11, the quotes and scenes in this episode EAT.

i. the domesticity of the pb&j convo

ii. the intimacy of the healing scene right after that convo

iii. The fact Sam doesn’t get annoyed by Cas the way Dean does, he finds it more amusing and plays off it (like the “can i ask a question” “technically u just did” scene)

iv. “I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do, but nothing is worth losing you.”

v. “You know, being human didn’t just change my view of food, it changed my view of you.”

vi. “The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you, is me.”

vii. THE FUCKING HUG AND FACE PAT UGH-

5. Also we should not forget the other Sastiel hugs, like the one (my favorite) when Dean and Sam escape the prison and Sam hugs Cas immediately. No hesitation.

6. Sam making up his and Castiel’s ship name

7. The iconic “go to my room and watch Netflix” line, plus a few others that point to Cas is staying with Sam in his room.

8. Cas and Sam being Jack’s dads (Dean is NOT)

i’m gonna end it here bc I totes can keep going, but I won’t <3

I legitimately don’t get sastiel, like we watched the same show right? Cas only has eyes for Dean.

[jackexmachina]

Sam and Crowley in ‘Caged Heat’

how do I know you’re not lying? you don’t. but it doesn’t change anything.

image description: two scenes from ‘Caged Heat’ (season 6 episode 10)

in Crowley’s monster prison:

Crowley is on his hands and knees, beneath a devil’s trap. He says, “I can’t.” Sam stares down at him and asks, “Can’t or won’t?” to which he answers, “I said ‘can’t.’ I meant ‘can’t,’ you mop-headed lumberjack.”

Kneeling, Crowley says, “Sam. Why do you want the thing back?” Sam looks slightly confused. Crowley rolls his eyes and says, “Satan’s got one juicy source of entertainment in there.” Meg and Sam look on, considering.

Crowley tells Sam, “I’d swallow a rag off a bathhouse floor before I took that soul. Unless you want to be a drooling mess.” Meg looks over slightly to Sam and says,” Sam, I hate to say it, but he’s right.” Sam doesn’t look at them when he responds, “Yeah, right. I get it. Thanks.”

outside the prison, near the impala:

Dean tells Sam, “We’ll figure something else out.” Sam considers this before responding, “No, we won’t.” Dean is surprised and asks, “Why, because Crowley said–” Sam interrupts him to say, “You heard what Crowley said. And I heard what Cas said.”

Sam looks at Dean and tells him, “You know what, when angels and demons agree on something? Call me nuts, I pay attention.”

Sam tells Dean, “I don’t think I want it back.” before he starts to way away from the car. Dean watches him and responds, “You don’t even know what you’re saying.” Sam turns back to him before firmly answering, “No, I’m saying something you don’t like.”

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[destieldailynews]

‘Winchester Derangement Syndrome’ -10 x 23 Deleted Scene

December 26, 2020

by @desperately-human and @castiel-holmeshasthephonebox

 A deleted scene from 10x23 has been getting attention on tumblr. This scene of Rowena talking to Castiel was originally released in 2015 on the season 10 DVD. Highlights include Rowena telling Cas that he and Crowley suffer from “Winchester Derangement Syndrome” (a phrase that has quickly taken off) and Cas discussing his relationships with the Winchesters and Claire Novak. Full transcript below the cut.

The scene can be viewed here.

Follow @destieldailynews and turn on our notifications for more SPN updates

Transcript: 

ROWENA: You’re delusional, tweetie-pie. You really expected Crowley to help you?

CASTIEL: Well, he said he would.

ROWENA: Oh, he said he would? That’s practically a blood oath right there. My mistake for assuming otherwise.

CASTIEL: Why would you want to assassinate your son, in the first place, under any circumstances?

ROWENA: Are you joking?

CASTIEL: No. That would be uncharacteristic of me. Although, I have been told that I am getting funnier.

ROWENA: My son, aside from being a noxious blowhard, suffers from the same malady as you, I’m afraid. Winchester Derangement Syndrome.

CASTIEL: Is that so? Well, I feel fine.

ROWENA: Please. An Angel of the Lord, the King of Hell, more power than I could possibly dream of, utterly wasted, shattered at the altar of Winchester. I may be the one in chains but the two of you are just as much a prisoner as I. It saddens me. No, it totally sickens me, to see so much power go unspent, so much glory unclaimed.

CASTIEL: Glory? Oh, I’ve seen glory, and I’ve seen defeat. But I have seen the glory. I have won epic battles and I have reaped vast rewards, and none of it has meant as much to me as the relationships I’ve formed on earth. Sam and Dean? They are like a family to me. Claire Novak? When she smiled at me? Nothing, no angelic crusade or victor’s bounty, none of that could ever hold a candle to that sweet, crooked smile.

ROWENA: You can’t honestly think you’re happier now, broken-winged sucker.

CASTIEL: All I know, is that for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace with who I am. Whatever that may be.

ROWENA: A bitch.

CASTIEL: Oh I can assure you. If there is one thing I am not, it is a female dog.

[katsidhe]

could you do 9.10 and 9.13 for episode reviews.

Love your takes btw.

9.10 Final Thoughts

well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend season 9. God I love season 9. buckle in. 

Plenty of what season 9 tries to do with angel drama falls flat, but plenty of it doesn’t. It’s at its strongest when interrogating the ways that the angels are looking for personal purpose, rather than folding themselves into various suit-clad factions. In this episode, we have Gadreel, Abner, and Thaddeus, all with very different takes.

Thaddeus is the most boring of the three—a straightforward narcissist and sadist. (Lucifer will follow in his rockstar-impersonating footsteps in s12. SPN clearly has a dim view of the music industry.) We don’t care when he dies, and we aren’t meant to.

Abner’s found a family, and he’s let go of revenge. He’s clearly found peace and happiness—but it’s stolen.  I’m ambivalent about this. I guess I could take his word that his vessel was abusive and therefore deserves to have been permanently body-snatched, and I guess I could believe him when he says his new family loves him, even though they clearly don’t know what he is or what he’s done. His regard for humanity as something other than a project is… uncertain. Even if everything is as sunny as he explains to Gadreel, there is fundamental selfishness and short-sightedness here. Get what you want, Abner says, and never let go.

Gadreel asks Abner if his vessel is happy. This reveals both Abner’s scorn for his vessel, and Gadreel’s uncomfortable awareness of and respect for Sam (and his bartender vessel, who Gadreel stares at, and who accepts Gadreel back easily).

Gadreel! OF COURSE Gadreel’s gotta be the scapegoat for Lucifer’s release, HAHAHAH. I love him to pieces, oml. Seriously, the Sam parallels could not BE more blatant. I’ve talked about this before, that it makes the earned antipathy between them all the more alarming, all the more visceral. The big sticking point is that Gadreel’s years of pointless torture came prior to his “redemption” arc, rather than as a consequence of it. Gadreel has all of s5 Sam’s despair and helpless anger and self-loathing, all of his drive to set things right at any price, and all of it is amplified by his trauma.

Sam and Gadreel’s relationship is defined by its liminal spaces. Gadreel threatens to tear Sam apart, but he does not, even when he is tortured. He locks Sam away in a dream rather than force him to watch him kill, or to suffer. But when Sam forces Gadreel out, Gadreel leaps instantly on telling Sam he is weak, reciting back Sam’s fears and Gadreel’s own. This reads like Gadreel is aiming quite a lot of his own self-pity and self-hatred at Sam.

Cas’s murderous rage at Gadreel when his identity is revealed is fun. It shows that Heaven’s PR team did a good job, for one thing. But Cas is furious because it’s specifically Lucifer. And the Apocalypse, and all the attendant suffering, his and Dean’s and Sam’s. It’s a personal wrath.

“Stupid for the right reasons…” oh, Cas, your scarcity of positive human role models is showing. Also, Cas’s particular brand of reassurance here isn’t actually something Dean has a problem with. He expresses regret over having been tricked—he says he’s stupid, he says he got played—but he’s never in doubt that his intentions were good. He’s never in doubt that he did the righteous thing. He’s never in doubt that he’d do it again.

Dean apologizes to Cas for barring him from the bunker. (Sam will not receive an apology.) Cas compares what Dean did to Sam to what Cas did by trusting Naomi. There’s a key difference here. Cas’s moral compass is not the problem; it’s his critical thinking skills.

Crowley, Cas, and Dean are a hilarious trio. (Also, I really hope that Cas’s pimpmobile got to Heaven too, like the Impala.)

Crowley being genuinely sorry that Kevin’s gone and his willingness to risk his life to help Sam are the best two moments of the generally weak Crowley-has-human-blood plot line. They feel earned. [also Crowley’s ‘I told Kevin he should’ve run!’ is both accurate, funny, and sad.]

Let’s talk 4.21 parallels! I mean, first, the glaringly obvious: Sam locked down to be purged of something supernatural; Sam suffering; Dean unable to bear Sam’s tortured screams; a very atmospheric fan. Dean walking away.

and then, of course, there’s “at least he dies human.” Right off the bat, Dean tells Cas he’s going to kill Gadreel. Cas, concerned, says that this will kill Sam too; Dean, sounding tortured, says he knows. Now, obviously, Dean doesn’t kill Sam. He doesn’t even get particularly close. But it’s really interesting that this is the first thing Dean brings up! He declares unprompted that he’s ready to kill Sam rather than leave him possessed. Which is both a recapitulation of the save-him-or-kill-him mantra, and an ironic twist on the decision Dean made in 9.01. Then, Dean knew Sam would rather die than be possessed, but had him possessed anyway. Now, Dean has decided instead that Sam must die because he is possessed. Obviously Dean’s opinion on the possessing entity has changed in the meantime: Sam’s hasn’t, but Sam’s isn’t what matters. 

Dean reaches new levels of PEAK IRONY when he declares that Cas should possess Sam too. Cas has to actually point out that Dean can’t, in fact, volunteer Sam’s permission. Because apparently Dean had forgotten, lmaooo. Crowley, on the other hand, is happy to oblige. Dean directs Cas to burn Sam’s tattoo off.

The language of this entire scene is so sexual. I mean, it’s Crowley, of course it is, double entendre is his first language. But this theme recurs again and again. Here it is just more pointed than usual. It is queasy.

Gadreel has Sam trapped in a Dean-type happy place—a hunt with ghouls and cheerleaders, no organic produce to be found. And I don’t think it’s because Gadreel doesn’t understand what Sam likes. I think it’s because Gadreel’s aim was for Sam to feel comfortable, not blissful. It smacks of Hallucifer, just a bit—using the verisimilitude of Dean’s louder moods rather than trying to appeal directly to Sam’s contentment, because of his always questionable, always a question, sense of reality. If things were too smooth, too cheerful, Sam might just be suspicious. Sam is easier to trick by proxy. 

The HORROR of this episode for Sam: Gadreel washing someone’s blood off of Sam’s hands. Crowley pushing needles into his brain. Sam’s body and life as a bargaining chip as Gadreel threatens to kill him, and then as Dean threatens to kill him right back. The quiet heartbreak as Sam remembers Kevin’s death, as he realizes the magnitude of Dean’s betrayal. But the worst part of it, I think, is somehow still Sam’s face when Crowley comes to get him in the dream where Gadreel stashed him. How his expression just crumples as Crowley tells him he is trapped in a lie, that his mindscape is once again a prison, that he truly cannot trust his reality. The sheer devastation of this on top of Sam’s history, plus the knowledge that Dean did this—and he pulls himself together and puts his foot on Gadreel’s neck and casts him OUT anyway. Sam Fucking Winchester.

and then the Bridge Scene. The lighting, the staging… it’s fucking gorgeous. It’s one of those scenes where I knew as I was watching it for the first time, seven years ago, that it was going to be something. I held my breath and still hold my breath. I can’t take my eyes off the way that Sam is shaking slightly, the entire time. The way he can barely meet Dean’s eyes but he does it anyway. He SAYS HIS PIECE, says it clearly, says it with an even tone despite what he’s gone through, despite the holes in his head that were healed seconds ago.

I love the gentleness between Sam and Cas here. I love knowing that 9.11 follows this. I love that there is no question that Cas will leave with Dean—he is staying with Sam, to heal and support him, even after he spent this episode mostly reassuring Dean.

Dean does not start this conversation to apologize. He starts out with the intent to DELIBERATELY egg Sam on: “come on, let’s hear it.” It’s an incitement, because Dean wants Sam to act angry, so that Dean can feel more justified in leaving. Sam does not rise to the bait.

Dean has an excuse for every point Sam has: I had no choice, you were dying, it’s not in me, he saved your life. He says, “I did a bad thing with bad consequences and I would 100% do it again, anyway, bye.”

And then the most infuriating thing: Dean is in the wrong, so he tells the person he’s wronged, ugh, I’m just such an awful poisonous person, I’m going to burn for this. It’s so clearly wrong-headed. Intentional or not, it’s such an obvious invitation for Sam to comfort him that it might well have been embossed. If this were in e.g. season 15, or if the crime he’d committed had been less awful, I can easily hear Sam’s reassurance: no, Dean, I promise you’re a good person, we all make mistakes. It is the most toxic way possible to frame a potential apology.

The textual theme of Dean-as-poison (and, for that matter, the consequence of Kevin’s death vs. the initial crime of the possession) is an intentional muddying of the waters: Crowley, Cas, and Dean himself all bring it up in some fashion, linking some fundamental aspect of Dean himself rather than Dean’s choices to Kevin’s death. Crowley is trying to be cutting; Cas is trying to be supportive; Dean is both excusing himself and camouflaging that fact in his exhausting self-loathing. There is a complicated interplay of what the text says about Dean’s guilt and what it condemns; this pattern continues throughout s9, and reaches its apex in the next several episodes. Dean’s love as a condemning feature rather than a redeeming one is one of my favorite things about SPN, and s9 has it in HIGH gear.

But, here, at least, Sam doesn’t rise to this bait either. “Don’t go thinking that’s the problem, ‘cause it’s not.” The problem is obviously, achingly, exhaustingly clear. Sam’s spelled it out in this very conversation: you tricked me. You lied to me. You got me possessed when I was willing to die. But Dean, and a fair portion of the audience, can’t hear it. So he doesn’t. And they don’t, and they pretend that this line is some sort of puzzle! a cliffhanger on a conversation unfinished! when it was the conclusion, not the beginning.

image that is now inextricable from 9.10

[annikathewitch]

Idk, I’m bored, thought I’d make one of those posts ppl pin at the top of their blogs

Hello! This is the main blog of the paluimbel system. We're a median, monoconscious, mixed-origins plural system of uhhh... too many people for individual introductions to make much sense. The name Fencer works for all of us, and we generally don't care that much about pronouns, but would prefer if you use they/it when referring to our system as a whole.

Feel free to ask us as many questions as you want about systemhood/plurality! We like sharing our experiences.

What is a plural system?

(EDIT: I've just had like 15 new people follow me for the tumblr poll conlang thing, so I thought I'd put links related to that somewhere easy to access. Masterpost/Intro is here.

Currently Active Polls: On hiatus for a bit due to exam season T-T)

My current hyperfixation is hermitcraft but also pokemon. Linguistics and conlanging are basically permanent special interests but we don't always post about them.

Oh and here’s this, just to be safe, because I’ve seen too many posts accidentally come true. Not putting any more DNIs, because I don’t wanna spend ages trying to list every possible group of shitty people. If I don’t like what you’re doing, I’ll just block you.

Some fics I’ve written under the cut, just in case you’re interested.

The Adventure of the Sphinx’s Riddle

Complete. ACD Johnlock, pre-relationship, mutual pining. It’s basically a Percy Jackson au, set in the same time period as canon Holmes. Most of the fic is Holmes figuring out that he’s a demigod.

The Adventure of the Buried River

Complete. The sequel to The Adventure of the Sphinx’s Riddle. I plan to write a third part and turn it into a trilogy, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

‘Till All That Remains is the Arms of the Angels

Complete. Eternal Duo enemies to queer platonic partners slowburn for the teen titans au. Each chapter is probably gonna be really short, just a scene or two. It’s kinda inspired by that one episode of Good Omens that’s mostly just a bunch of scenes of Aziraphale and Crowley throughout history, showing the development of their relationship. I put any necessary context in the author’s notes, so you don’t really need to know anything about the ttau for this to make sense.

TTAU Season 1

Technically a series, not an individual fic. It’s kinda an intro to the above mentioned teen titans au, set up like episodes of a tv show. Currently Includes:

Pilot- There’s a breakout at Essempei City Prison and the Titans (Sam, Ponk, Bad, Puffy, and Ant) must work with the Syndicate (Techno, Niki, and Phil) to prevent all of the city’s most dangerous prisoners from getting out.

Who Am I That I Should Get to Hold You?

Incomplete. Flower Husbands angst with a happy ending. It’s another TTAU fic, but like with ‘Till All That Remains is the Arms of the Angels, you shouldn’t need any background knowledge on the ttau to understand the fic. Basically, 3rd life happened in the ttau, but it was a simulation and everyone got returned to their bodies safe and sound after they died. Everyone except Jimmy and Scott, who, because of a glitch in the simulation, ended up actually dying. Scott’s scientist coworkers managed to upload his consciousness to a computer before his body died; Jimmy wasn’t so lucky. So now Jimmy’s dead, and Scott’s basically immortal. This should be the end, right? Wrong. There is always hope, they just have to find it.

[deadmegumi]

Supernatual season finales RANKED

1. Lucifer rising she was the best of those sons of bitches airhorn emoji

2. Supernatual wasn't lying that all hell can break loose . that's my job right take care of my pain in the ass little brother? Sam? Sam? Sammy?

3. moriah ... god WAS never on our side 😳

4. Devils trap. oedipal nightmare of staggering depravity

5. Do you believe in miracles . Glaad award for I mean u drapped urself in the flag of heaven but ultimately it was all about saving one human . glaad award for black eyes

6. No rest for the wicked Sammy said and I don't care what it takes im gonna get you out of this guess I gotta save your ass for a change<3 and then he watched his brother get torn to shreds<3

7. Swan song if ur sexy and ignore everything that comes after and view dean living with lisa as a tragedy

8. Alpha a- and- om🤢 loses points for title but gains points for power of love and friendship and family therapy and mary campbell

9. dont remember name of season six finale but if I were dean sam bobby i would've kneeled 🙏

10. all along the watchtower. She (cas crowley kelly) served she gave cunt and she died

11. Let the good times roll yeah the fightscene was silly but I was too busy hooting and hollering over supernatual following up on an 8 year old plotline to care

12. sacrifice I GUESS 🙄 angels falling was cool or whatever but I'll kill jeremy carver for deans listing sam transgressions speech ❣️

13. Cant remember s7 finale but hed rather have him cursed or not

14. brothers keeper absolute dust following up prisoner fight scene

15. Andrew dabb walk off a cliff

[ananke-xiii]

“Regarding Dean” is an okay episode, the perfect episode to place between “Lily Sunder has Some Regrets” and “Stuck in the Middle with You”. It feels filler-y but it’s totally not because it shows us where Sam and Dean stand as far as s12 main themes are concerned: family&love.

To the surprise of probably nobody, we find out that Sam is struggling a lot when it comes to how he positions himself within his family and around the people he loves. Dean, on the other hand, is walking on a much safer ground (which seems like a joke since the ep is literally about Dean slowly losing his memory but I’ll get there), he’s ready to move on to the next chapter of his life, a chapter where his relationship with his brother is not his only&main focus.

Who are the other members of Sam and Dean’s family? This episode tells us it’s Mary and Cas. Even though, so far in the season, Mary has come and gone, Cas has spent a considerable amount of time with none other than Crowley and the brothers have spent a couple of months in prison, the episode explicitly highlights multiple times that Mary and Cas are their family, no matter the amount of time they all actually spend together: what matters is the infamous bond between them.

And who’s feeding this bond? Who’s actually keeping in touch with Mary and Cas? Who’s the primary point of contact? Dean, of course. At the beginning of the episode, when Sam meets Dean at the waffle joint and realizes Dean is maybe drunk and his smartphone is dead, he says: “All right, well, I'll text Mom, make sure she knows to get a hold of me in case of emergency. And Cas, in case he tracks down Kelly”.

So it’s safe to say (and it is because we’ve already seen in past episodes that Sam is definitely not the one playing games and texting with Mary, nor the one calling Cas or receiving calls from him: people in this family know who to contact and it’s not Sam) that Sam is somehow detached from this family dynamic and, we’ll later discover, doesn’t really know what to make of this.

After Sam discovers that Dean is not hangover but hexed, the first thing Dean says is: “Look, we could figure this out, okay? Don't go callin' Mom or Cas with this”. Mmmm, interesting. We’re back to Mary and Cas. Again. And why shouldn’t Sam call them? And, maybe more importantly, why Sam doesn’t call them anyway? So maaany questions :P

The last time Mary and Cas are mentioned together again is in the mirror scene. Dean is regarding himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to remember who he is and he defines himself as follows: “Ahh. Okay. My name is Dean Winchester. Sam is my brother. Uh, Mary Winchester is my mom. And Cast—Cas is my best friend”. So Dean defines himself based on his relationship with the different family members: brother, son, best friend. Once he starts forgetting who these people are he also starts forgetting himself:

“My name is Dean Wi—Winchester.

My name—My name is...

My... My... I don’t know”.

This is crucial. The scene is quite tragic but it’s telling us an important truth: what matters to Dean, what’s important to him to the point that it defines who he is, is his relationship with his family, with the people he loves. I said that it’s quite tragic because, at least to me, it’s a bit bleak that Dean doesn’t know who he is without other people. But I’ll come back to this point later.

So who is Dean? The reply comes right after the mirror scene from Rowena’s mouth: “Oh, you're a killer, Dean Winchester”. And this is super interesting because  just before we had this dialogue:

Rowena: You can really remember nothing, can you? What a gift not to recall the things you've done.

Dean: What have I done?

Are people the things they have done? Rowena could’ve said “You kill people, Dean” but no, she says “You are a killer”. And okay, the use of the verb “to kill” can start a debate on morals&justice&law (what’s the difference between killing and being a killer etc) but not the point here. The point here being that Rowena, regarding Dean, is confusing being and doing but Dean is not. He replies: “Wait, I... I kill people?”.

Rowena continues in her “misunderstanding”:

Rowena: But... but... though you may be a stubborn pain in the arse with the manners of a Neanderthal and the dining habits of a toddler, everything you've done, you've done... for the greater good.

Dean: Oh, and that's supposed to make it okay?

Rowena: I wouldn't know. You help those other than yourself. But me, I've done horrible things, and I told myself it was fine. It was the price of power. And power's what matters, right?

Then I met God and his sister. The two most powerful beings in the universe, wasting it on squabbling with each other. I thought, if—if they can't be happy, or at least satisfied, how can there be any hope for me?

Okay, so now we maybe have a clearer picture of who Dean is: he’s a killer (or he kills people) but he does so for the greater good. To help people other than himself. This is not exactly news to us, I mean, this episode is not telling us anything actually NEW about Dean but the catch is that it’s not about him, it’s about regarding him. How people perceive him and how he perceives himself. The last being the most important thing, we’ll have the answer at the end of the episode.

Rowena also drops the “happy” bomb. She’s talking based on the assumption that she must do things in order to be happy, even if these are horrible things, things she tells herself she's fine doing them because it’s the price of power. We’re starting to see the old theme of the “price of happiness” and Rowena thinks she’s paid it but she’s still unhappy and she’s becoming hopeless.

(Cas' love declaration in s15x18 echoes Rowena's dialogue, apart from the Dean thing (you're not a killer aka you're not how your enemies regard you, you're the most caring man aka you're how the people that love you regard you etc), Cas' words circle around the same concept: happiness is not in the having, is in the being or, maybe even more importantly, is in the giving oneself permission to be your true self)

Now we need to talk about Sam. While Dean is having an existential crisis in the bathroom, Sam drops another fucking bomb: “You know, I've seen my brother die, but watching him become... not him... This might actually be worse”.

Excuse me, sir? I mean, this is a very very loaded thing to say. To Sam Winchester seeing his brother dying might be better than watching him become not him. Which is also incorrect, because Dean is not not becoming him, he’s just Dean without "the weight" of the past on his shoulders. (btw, will somebody please give a hug to this giant man who's lived a life where death is o-kay and what's worse is living and not knowing how to move on? Please??? He needs it!) I think this says more about how Sam feels about himself than about how he feels about Dean and his relationship with his brother. And I think I’m right because at the end of the episode Sam explicitly says he was jealous. Sam really should be the one regarding himself in the mirror (and it’s a fucking shame that we didn’t get something like this for Sam because god, it’d be bomb) trying to remember who he is because Dean might be losing his memories but Sam is totally lost and in the dark.

He doesn’t call Mary or Cas because ??? but he does call Rowena for help, Rowena magically teleports and immediately arrives (okay she has an agenda but she does come super quickly, let’s give her that), she agrees to help them and to all of that Sam says: “I obviously don’t trust you”. Which, to be honest, fair, Sam I approve your long-lasting distrust of everything that has to do with Crowley because you have real reasons to do so. But it’s also time for you to learn to create meaningful connections and you cannot do so if you’re not willing to trust people. (important: Rowena tries to steal the Black Grimoire in this ep, the same book that she’ll try to steal in s13. Sam will then give her the one page she needs for her spell, so, you know, way to go Sam! It takes him one whole season to trust Rowena with one only page of the book but, progress).

Okay, time to wrap this rambling up with the final scene. We have this dialogue right here and it’s so gooood:

Sam: So how you holding up after the spell?

Dean: That thing kicked my ass.

Sam: You know, I gotta be honest. I was actually, uh, a little jealous at first.

Dean: Of what? The curse that nearly killed me?

Sam: No, just, you know... some of the things we've done, we've had this weight for... forever. And seeing it gone, uh, you looked happy.

Dean: Huh. Well, look, was it nice to drop our baggage? Yeah, maybe. Hell, probably. But it wasn't just the crap that got lost. I mean, it was everything. It was us, it was what we do, you know? All of it. So... that's what being happy looks like? I think I'll pass.

Sam and Rowena were a little jealous at first. Because Dean showed them life without the weight of the things they carry, the things they’ve done. Dean looked HAPPY. We can infer that Sam and Rowena are not happy, they do feel the weight of the things they’ve done and they would like OUT. They still have a long walk ahead of them to discover who they are apart from what they do and decide what’s next, what they decide to do, who they want to be and what are the actions that can lead them there.

But Dean, Dean is almost there, people. He’s not lost at all, even though he was the one with the brain almost gone. “It was us” and “it was what we do”. The distinction for him it’s clear. And he has weighted the pros and the cons and he has decided that IF that's what happiness is, if happiness is just forgetting about the crap, forgetting about the past, he will pass. He’s not willing to pay the price for a happiness where he doesn’t have a connection with his family, where the people he cares about (and for whom he does very bad things) are not there. The price for the supposed happiness is not worth Sam, Mary and Cas.

Earlier I said that I thought it was bleak, you know, not knowing yourself apart from other people. But the last scene where Dean is riding Larry (and he’s not yet under the spell so he’s Dean-Dean there) gives a lot of unexpected hope.

The song in the background is nostalgic and, frankly sad:

“So dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy

Dream while you can

For soon, you'll be a dreadful thing

My son, you'll be a man”

But it’s appropriate. Dean has accepted that, for him, caring for the people he loves is what constitutes his happiness. He has accepted that “horrible things” have been done and maybe will be done in their names. Acceptance is key: he’s on the right path to discover new parts of himself. He doesn't want to lose "the crap" because losing it means he'll also lose the people he cares about. And without the these people, without Sam, Mary and Cas, he doesn't yet know who he is. But he wants to find out. He wants to move on. And he wants to move on with the people he loves, doing "the good and the bad", not alone, oblivious and fake-happy. It’s bittersweet as all changes are but it must be done. He’s ready to grow up, ready to be a man, ready for love, ready to start a family, guys :").

(unfortunately it'll all go to pieces when Cas dies and Mary disappears in the AU (OF COURSE Dean will lose his will to live after that, because he was still in the process of differantiating himself from others, but he was SO there ffs) so thanks for nothing s12)(s14 "Lebanon" thankfully comes back to this theme and there Dean finally says, again and out loud for the people in the back, that he's okay with the choices he's made because they resulted in this crazy-ass, totally weirdo, supernatural family and he loves it and he's good with that. PERIOD)

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I know that we are all clowning about the Altar of Dean Winchester today, and there’s a lot of Cas-centric discourse but LEST WE FORGET -  Rowena is specifically annoyed because of her son’s conduct.

And I will not have Drowley erasure in this space.

Going along with my season 12 rewatch, 12x15: Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell makes Many Points on this subject.  Come along for the ride below the cut.

The episode opens with the following:

SAM

Dean, you're covered in ghoul, man, and -- and -- and wraith. You… you have a piece of siren in your hair. 

[Dean pulls the bit of siren out of his hair and makes a disgusted noise and then laughing while examining it] 

DEAN

Gross. [he flicks the bit of siren across the room] 

SAM

***isn’t it weird that the opener focuses on how Dean is covered in bits of monsters and needs to shower...? aren’t they always hunting? why the hyperfixation on this particular gory detail in this particular episode?

Well, last time Sam told Dean to take a shower -

was after he had a Valentine’s Day fling in season 11.  Are we...aligning monsters and sexual trysts and Dean Winchester?

Of course we are!

DEAN

Computers. [ Chuckles ] Monsters, porn. Is there anything they can't do? All right. [ Hits tabletop ] Well, let's get to it, then. 

speaking of sexual, this is also the episode where Dean wears this particular tie:

*RAWR*

***Also, this is Dean’s reaction to specifically the idea of koalas and posies.

Anyway the MOTW is a rogue hellhound so...I guess we need Crowley idk

CROWLEY

What the hell do you want? 

DEAN

***PEACHES.  Dean Winchester, Nickname King.

[Dean rolls his eyes and mimes Crowley yammering on with his hand] 

CROWLEY

Painfully. [on the phone to Dean again] I’ll be right… 

[Crowley appears in Gwen’s living room] 

CROWLEY

here.

SAM

Mm. 

CROWLEY: 

You miss me? 

***Crowley literally appears immediately when Dean calls because of course he does.  

PARALLELS:

***I guess “I always come when you call” is a symptom of Winchester Derangement Syndrome.

It was completely Worth It to call Crowley, because he....knows the name of the rogue hell hound.  That’s all he knows though, because he can’t control her.  Only Lucifer can.  So it is VERY helpful they called Crowley, I guess, since now they can name the monster they’re hunting.  It’s more polite that way. 

Anyhow, he’s along for the ride now because

BONUS THEME ADJACENT CONTENT:

DEAN

Great. So we have a hellhound who's gunning for revenge, and it's personal. Ah. Just when I thought this gig couldn't get any weirder...

CROWLEY

Oh. It can always get weirder. 

***We’re really driving in monsters and their personal connections to humans this episode, eh??

NEXT UP: Supernatural THE Show gives us excellent Drowley in the woods banter.

specifically for NO REASON other than watching the King of Hell flirt with Dean Winchester while he is In These Glasses

Literally there is NO REASON for all of this footage.  Sam is the one who ends up killing the hellhound.  The only plot line Dean has in the MOTW episode is Sexy Walk in the Woods With Crowley (and his own personal monster connections).

It’s truly the most excellent of plot lines.  Really, anything else is just filler.

Crowley milks this Special Ex Boyfriend Time for all its worth:

DEAN

I mean it, Crowley. 

CROWLEY

I mean it, Crowley.

DEAN

Go to Hell.

CROWLEY

Go to Hell. Really, Dean, all these years, you're so predictable.

DEAN

Yeah, well, I guess we've all changed. I got predictable. You got soft. I mean, a few years ago, who'd have thought you'd be helping us save the girl of the week?

CROWLEY

I don't care about her. 

DEAN 

Yeah, well, maybe we rubbed off on you. 

***TRULY EXCELLENT CONTENT

Anyway, Crowley is now a moral support comfort character:

Winchester Derangement Syndrome diagnosed.

BONUS:

Please take a closer look at Lucifer who is being held as a prisoner by Crowley in this same episode.

Mark Pellegrino’s Lucifer tends to have flatter hair than this.  Look at it closely..

is that..

is that Demon!Dean hair

Remember, Crowley has a canonical history of changing his prisoners’ hair to suit his whims. It’s in Season 8.  Look it up.

Also, is that a Dean Winchester green overshirt

Oddly similar to the one Dean wears in the beginning of this episode, actually.

Like this from the back this 

could be Dean

I know we’re supposed to be distracted by the Walking Dead weapon cameo, but SERIOUSLY reach with me and observe Dean from the back in the opening scene:

DID CROWLEY DRESS SATAN UP IN A Dean Winchester COSTUME?

I know I might be crazy, buddies, due to my own case of WDS - but consider this -

I also might be right.

[fablesrose]

Tell Me a Story 1

Description: The local mafia has served Y/n well previously, but with the way things are going now, enough is enough. Instead of getting out, why not take everything down? So she makes a few calls, but things don’t always go to plan.

Word count: 2,205

Pairing: cop!Dean x mafia!reader

Square filled: fake dating

Warnings: none this chapter

Masterlist ~ Bingo Masterlist

Remaining parts will be in the Bingo Masterlist

A/n: This is for @girl-next-door-writes‘s Make Me Feel Bingo. I wanted to write a specific scene and then made a whole AU in order for this to work and it became infinitely more complicated than it needed to be. Enjoy! 

“Tell me a story.”

Chuck was a dangerous man. He didn’t look it, but he had an eye and a leash where you would never expect it all over the city. No one knew what he wanted, what his end goal was, maybe that was what made him dangerous.

Those words made me nervous. Chuck loved a good story and if the man next to me didn’t tell one up to his standard, then it wouldn’t end well for either of us.

This was all my idea. It was me who got the cops involved. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Sam, I know you don’t want to hear from me, but-”

“What do you need?”

“The Fallen isn’t doing too hot right now.”

“I can help you get out Y-”

“It’s not as simple as when you slipped between the cracks Sam,” I hissed at him through the phone. I don’t know why I even tracked him down, he had a good life now, but I needed to do something.

“Simple? You know it wasn’t simple.” Sam sounded offended.

“Exactly. It wasn’t when you did it, and like Hell is it simple now. It’s a thousand times worse in every way since you left. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go.”

“Okay, fine, we’ll figure something out.”

“Thanks- Someone’s coming, don’t contact me in any way for at least four days. You know the drill.” I hung up the phone and went on my daily business.

Four days later I received a text with a phone number in it, “He’s clean. He’ll help.”

I saved the number in my phone and deleted the conversation. I had to tread lightly.

I tried to control my anxiety. If I was found out I wouldn’t be surprised if Chuck burned the whole city to the ground.

So needless to say I did a fantastic job of hiding my anxiety.

Eventually, when I was sure that I was alone I pulled up the number Sam gave me. I guess it was now or never.

The phone rang a couple of times before a man picked up and rattled off his law enforcement credentials and his name. Okay, maybe this guy could help me.

I took a deep breath and spoke out loud the sentence I had been practicing in my head for the last few days which was a risk in and of itself, “I’m a high ranking member of The Fallen and would like to be of assistance in taking down the current, highly wanted, leader of said… organization.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, “Pardon?”

I sighed, my anxiety creeping back in, but what came out was an annoyed clip, “I said I’d like to snitch on my boss, a highly wanted individual, now can you help me get rid of him, or did Sam lie to me?”

“You know Sam?”

“Well, no der.” I tried to calm my beating heart, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a mistake, “I’m sorry for wasting your time, this was a mistake.”

“No no, wait.” I heard him swallow, “I’m going to talk to some people, let me see what I can do okay?”

My voice cracked, “Okay.”

The call ended, and all I could think was, Well there’s no backing out now.

Never before had I felt like I was in a dystopian novel more than this chapter of my life. I was nervous, like even the TVs were watching my every move to see if I was thinking traitorous thoughts, straight out of “1984.”

Every meeting, every glance in my direction, every moment of silence, and I swore everyone there already knew what I had done. But I kept a straight face in the serious moments, laughed when it was polite, and I wasn’t dead yet.

The day came when I met him in person. The safest place I could think of was my apartment. I paced back and forth for the whole afternoon constantly watching the clock, then it seemed like ten minutes after four it was six o’clock already. He was due to my doorstep any minute now.

A knock came to the door and I felt stone cold.

Slow steps took me to the sound. I opened the door a crack to see who it was. A tall man stood on the other side, in casual clothes thank goodness. He was casually looking around, but to the trained eye, I could tell he was watching to see if anyone was paying special attention.

“Yes?” Don’t give too much away, don’t volunteer any information. Yet.

He finally focused on me and I took into account the strong structure to his face, one could either call him intimidating or handsome, depending on his mood. Right now he was walking the line while leaning towards the former.

“I believe you’ve been expecting me,” he spoke quietly, his voice sounded very similar to the one I heard on the phone, but one could never be too careful.

“Oh? And what’s the connection between us?” I hoped my face was perfect innocence, but I knew my eyes were calculating and cautious.

“Sam.”

I closed the door to unlock the chain. I quickly let him in.

“I assume it’s safe here?” His eyes scanned the room, looking for anything that could be a problem.

I locked the door behind him, “As safe a place as any. I personally had soundproofing installed. Not many people come here, less chance for bugs. Neighbors are friendly, mostly elderly couples.”

“I was going to say, pretty small apartment for someone in the mob,” he extended a hand for me to shake, “Dean Winchester.”

I huffed, “Yeah, it’s kinda my job to blend in. Not all of us have Hollywood mansions. I glanced at him from the kitchen as I grabbed two glasses, “I see height runs in the family.”

“Somethin’ like that,” Dean sat on the couch in the living room.

I handed him a drink, “So...”

“So indeed,” he swirled the liquid in the glass before setting it on the side table, “I’m currently being transferred from the my current department a couple hours away to the local PD. Once that’s done I will be going under cover. You will be my in. Does that work?”

I drained my own drink, “Swimmingly.” I set my own glass on the floor by the feet of the chair I was sitting in, “I honestly can’t believe I’m doing this.” I spoke it mostly to myself, but he heard it all the same.

“Yeah, why are you doing this? What made you join in the first place only to try and tear it all down?”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the chair. I guess I should have seen the question coming. “I joined The Fallen when I was a lot younger. Why does anyone join the mafia?”

“Protection, a safe place to do illegal things, they’re desperate?”

I chuckled, “And usually somewhere to belong, but yeah, you hit the nail on the head. I was desperate. Nowhere to go. And let’s leave it at that.” I started cleaning my fingernails, my hands needing something to do. “It was a classic mafia back then. Don’t mess with us, we don’t mess with you. If you do, you better watch your back. It was okay. It was safe. That was under this guy named Nick. He’s in prison now, but you probably knew that already.”

Dean nodded his head.

“In the power vacuum he left behind, I helped get your brother out. Covered his tracks, but there wasn’t anyone to follow them. Sounds like he’s got a nice life now.”

“Why didn’t you get out with him?”

“Still didn’t have anywhere to go. Sam, he’s smart. Got back into school, had a nice girl waiting for him on the other side. I didn’t have any of that.  The Fallen was all I had, figured this was better than being on the run from myself.” I sighed, “Anyway, Crowley comes in. He’s a businessman at heart. He  made the community safer. Kept local businesses afloat. It felt like we were doing something good.”

I smiled to myself. Happier times.

“I guess I got soft.” I looked up from my hands into his serious face, “Now Chuck has the whole city wrapped around his twisted finger. No one knows what he wants. He’s got no honor system-”

Dean scoffed.

“Hey, it might not have been much, but Crowley and Nick? They had their own code that if you knew what it was, then nothing surprised you. Chuck’s a wild card. He’s destroying everything good about this place, and like it or not, I don’t. And if I can do something about it, I’m going to. Okay?”

Dean set his jaw and nodded.

“So how do you wanna play this mister hot shot cop?”

“That’s a good question, one that you are gonna answer.”

I raised my eyebrows, “Oh?”

He shifted to a more relaxed position on the couch, “Yup. You’re the expert, so how are you gonna bring me in? I’ve got to observe, gather information and evidence, and hopefully set him up so we can catch him in the act of doing something ‘life in prison’ worthy.”

“Can we get a death sentence?”

Dean slowly gained a more guarded posture, “And why would you want that?” As Dean relaxed he seemed more personable, but with that one statement he looked suspicious of me and my motives. His eyes gained that hard look that could break steel and I was terrified to see him angry.

I curled in on myself, “Past experience.”

“I’m gonna need to know this kind of stuff sweetheart.”

“Look, we both know life in prison isn’t a guarantee. Nick was supposed to get a life sentence, but he got out. Now Crowley’s dead and Chuck is in power.” There was a pause where neither of us spoke. “There’s always something. You’re in law enforcement. You should know that.”

He sighed before nodding once again, “Fine, we’ll see what we can do and what we can get, okay?”

“Okay.”

“How are you going to get me in?”

I rubbed my temples. How was I going to get him in? “I think our best option is for me to just bring you in as a new recruit. No deals, tell him the least information possible. Whoever brings someone new in becomes their mentor so that’ll work out...” This was going to be hard. Chuck was a difficult target. “We’ll say you’re new in town. You desperately need some extra cash, so you’re willing to join. You don’t really care what you have to do. The trick is to lie the least amount as possible. Chuck doesn’t like liars, and he can always find out information. So I hope there aren’t many people who know you’re doing this.” I locked eyes with him.

“No, not many at all.”

“I hope you’re right, or we’re both dead.”

This conversation ran through my head as we stood in front of Chuck. It was the monthly meeting, where everything you could think of was discussed, including new members.

“So, there’s a new face.” Chuck was looking at the pair of us, a passive invitation.

I stepped forward with as much confidence as I could muster, “Yes, this is new recruit-”

“Officer Dean Winchester, yes I know.”

I nearly choked as my eyes widened in fear and surprise. I glanced at Dean and all I could think was, “We’re dead.”

“Now the question is, why does the new cop in town want to join the local mob?” Chuck stood from his chair and walked around, “Little short on cash, need a little excitement?”

Dean chuckled, but I could tell he was hiding his nervousness, “Yeah, something like that.”

“Good, what’s one more cop on the payroll? You’re in.” Chuck finally looked back at the two of us, and my heart was still pounding out of my chest despite how impossibly well this was going, “Oh, you didn’t know he was a cop did you? Looks like some couples therapy material.”

I swallowed, but couldn’t hide my confusion, couples therapy?

“Oh come on! It’s obvious!” Chuck hesitated, “Well maybe not obvious, but Y/n’s not the hook-up type.”

I blushed, this was getting out of hand, but as long as Chuck wasn’t going to kill me, I would put up with it the best I could.

Chuck clapped and rubbed his hands together, “Oh I love a good romance. So how did you guys meet?”

Dean seemed to snap into it, or maybe it was me who was out of it, I’m not sure, but Dean grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.

“I don’t know, sir, I’m not much of a story teller.”

“Come on Dean.” Chuck smiled, a little too eagerly.

I tightened my grip on Dean’s hand, mostly out of anxiousness. I was out of options and stocked up on fear. It was up to him to get us the hell out of here.

“Tell me a story.”

Best Buds Taglist: @kitkatd7 @snarky--starky @confetti-its-an-imagine-blog @kaogasm

Dean: @akshi8278 @msmarvelouswinchester

[atlascas]

DEANCAS FIC REC

(last updated 7/1)

FINALLY. this is like. just a place for me to rec and write excessively abt the fics i've been reading lately. it won't be organized but it WILL be very earnest and i'll keep it updated as i find/remember more. also i have obnoxiously high standards when it comes to fic so these ARE the cream of the crop, if u will. the god tier. the s tier. 

very loosely organized into "newer fic" and "classics." these are subjective categories. do what you will

✨ = new fic on the list

💖 = in my brain rent free!

CURRENTLY READING

these are the fics that i’m currently reading! may or may not get recced. usually i read the first couple paragraphs/lines and if i like the writing it gets bookmarked and put on this list.

lazarus needs a robe of scarlet thread by herrosesneverfall, 90k, canonverse au. dean starts getting stigmata. when i was getting back into spn there were a LOT of religious fics flying around bc that was the Hot Topic of Discussion. this was one of them

Three weeks ago, Dean woke up in a pine box. He thought dealing with the nightmares was going to be the most difficult part of his new life after Hell, but at least they were something he could understand. Something he could deal with. Something he deserved.

Then he began having agonizing visions of crucifixion. Wounds appeared on his body out of nowhere. Wounds that refused to heal and coated his skin with the sickly sweet smell of roses.

Stigmata are said to be the marks of saints, but Dean is not a saint and the wounds are only the beginning.

kingdom come by ahurston, 8.7k, coda to 15x18. cas gets to go home. im gathering all the s15 fix-its to my heart and holding them close

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

hunger by ellispark, 10.8k, s13 au. dean grieves cas, post s12 finale. perfect writing perfect awful heartwrenching characterization so far on dean’s end especially towards jack. nuanced emotional writing

Dean takes his meal and throws it away, plate and all. He's not hungry. How can he even begin to eat, knowing what he kept from Cas — what he kept from both of them?

They could have had something, and now all Dean has is this gaping, empty hole in his stomach, in his chest, and he has to learn to breathe and eat and move around it.

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog, 60.8k, canonverse. cas loving dean in all permutations of humanity, throughout time.

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Of love? There isn’t one. Loving is its own purpose.”

NEWER FIC

“newer” just means “i discovered it in 2020/2021 after coming back to spn fandom” so it very well could have been published before 2015 but really who’s checking. not me that’s for sure.

💖 so says the sword by komodobits, 85k, s4 au. cas guards the michael sword in the beautiful room. this is easily the MOST obvious rec on this entire list but it was the first fic i read when i got back into spn this year and jesus christ it set the bar sky fucking high. the way they create a coherent mythology out of the mess that is spn canon is incredible.

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

assimilation by komodobits, 5.6k, coda to 12x01. mary meets dean and cas and they go to find sam. such good character studies of all three of them. the best mary pov fic i’ve read

Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

cuckoo and nest by komodobits, 10k, ambiguously canonverse. dean and cas navigate relationship anxiety. cute, in character, and their relationship is realistic and the conflict well-written and emotionally nuanced and really really really good. 

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

💖 one white lie by komodobits, 11k, au. cas panics when trying to ask dean out and has to fake being a jehovah’s witness. it’s adorable and hilarious and it’s been ages since i actually got butterflies at a kiss in a fic but this did it. it did it. it felt like someone swaddled my soul in a cashmere blanket and kissed me on the forehead

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (scaramouche), 11.5k, set during s6. cas comes to as his s4 self without any memories of the past two years and has to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s kind of like so says the sword. you’ll know it when you get to it.

Castiel is captured inside a trapping circle of holy oil set by Dean and Sam Winchester. The brothers call him "Cas", claiming that he has amnesia and that he is obligated to help them take down Crowley to atone for his betrayal of them. It's the strangest story Castiel's ever heard, and one he doesn't have time for because he's only just raised Dean from Hell and has work to get back to.

💖 cas and dean’s adventures in gardening by ahurston, 19k, post-canon au. a series featuring dean and cas living in the bunker, human. cas is very into plants. i read this yesterday actually and it made me smile SO much it’s just so lovely and sweet. i’m also a sucker for any fic where cas has a garden. he deserves a fucking garden okay

In this post-God world, everything is different. A little quieter, a little softer. Cas grows a garden, Dean cooks, and they take care of each other.

tall grass by aeli_kindara, 57k, post-s12. dean and cas live in the bunker on their own, and cas grows a garden. i did say i love fics where cas has a garden. plus domesticity, plus some good case fic, PLUS dean and cas’ relationship is so gentle and good

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.

Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.

Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

in a week by renrub, 2.3k, post 15x18. cas is in the empty. dean saves him. this is genuinely the best “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fic i’ve read so far like conceptually this entire thing just fucks. when cas is cycling through the barn scene. god. SO well written

Castiel is outside a barn covered in sigils. He frowns. This isn’t right. This has never been something he repented for.

i won’t even wish for snow by annie d (scaramouche), 5.6k, college au. cas goes to the winchesters’ for christmas. honestly scaramouche fics belong in the classics section bc she’s like an og deancas writer but whatever. mistletoe! banter! good in-character au! this fic’s got it all

It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

convenient husbands by annie d (scaramouche), 39k, canonverse au. cas is a phoenix, dean is a hunter. they get married and have a sick psychic bond. unexpectedly fluffy considering how the fic starts and i love the banter so much and dean/cas’ relationship gets fleshed out and organically developed it’s very cute

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

cinderwings by bendingsignpost, 181k, cinderella au. cas goes to a masquerade ball to save his people from an eternity trapped in a void. he meets prince dean. i can’t tell u how much this fic drew me in - thru good worldbuilding, but mostly thru cas’ social awkwardness. like it works PERFECTLY to his advantage in this fic and reading how expertly he manipulates social situations w/o any fucking idea what he’s doing is both hilarious and inspiring

Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.

as the crow flies by bendingsignpost, 3.4k, au. dean and cas go on a roadtrip. cas has wings! it’s so dreamlike and meandering and the slowburn is so good. honestly it reminds me of stevebucky/stevesam post tws era roadtrip fics if ur hip LMAO

Cross country road trips with Cas are the best.

long-term relationship by bendingsignpost, 2.7k, au. dean and cas have a Serious Conversation about their relationship.

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers, 7k, ambiguously canonverse. dean is trans. dean and cas are fucking and lowkey hiding it from sam. perfect character study PERFECT trans dean fic it’s so fucking well-written 

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

💖 the love story of the runner up by margo_kim, 4.7k, ambiguously canonverse. cas tries dating other men. bear with me here. this is an outside pov fic from an oc named miguel who is WONDERFULLY characterized and very endearing like i find outsider/oc pov to be on Thin Fucking Ice bc it always ends up as fandom/author self-insert but miguel is his OWN MAN. he gets his own lil arc and everything. dean and cas are concentrated perfectly crystallized versions of themselves and the little glimpses we get of them are amazing. ALSO i wrote like 9k of an spn vent fic (basically the same premise but w an oc named marcus) back in like. freshman yr of hs. so when i first opened this fic i was like what the fuck someone’s been in my google docs. very weird experience 10/10 regardless

“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”

“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.”

For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.

sunshine by northernsparrow, 8k, set during s13. dean and cas have a long conversation about their Profound Bond. the description left me off-balance (it really. really truly says “dean is straight in this fic” like okay bro WEIRD hill to die on) but it pulled through w the relationship study and reassurance and snuggles. a sweet fic

One-shot with a single conversation between Dean and Castiel, set in a late-S13-ish world. Gabriel, Cas, Sam & Dean are all living in the bunker together, Gabe's been cracking certain jokes, Sam's found a certain book, Cas is injured and isn’t healing... and it's all making Dean wonder if his angel friend might have some sort of a "bond" with... somebody? Whatever that means.

Maybe it's time for a talk.

💖 still life by catchclaw, 16.5k, post-s8. cas, newly human, goes to live on his own for a while. he and dean maintain a relationship thru the phone. this is LITERALLY the only first person fic i fucking respect okay like i was skeptical! i really was! but the pov is PERFECT and also my man kevin tran is in this fic and i love him and miss him very much. oh and cas going off to explore humanity on his own..............perfect arc. very much in character we love that for him

Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

it’s mostly cowardice, and bad timing by ferritin4, 1.6k, pre-canon. actually this one is just a dean study it’s not deancas but i spent an entire night looking for it and i need someone else to read it too. dean is smart!!! SAY THAT

Dean gets his GED.

a list of reasons the bunker shouldn’t get a sofa by lizbobjones, 5.6k, set during s12. sam and dean and mary and cas haul a sofa back to the bunker. cute domesticity and fluff

Let me count the ways that this is a terrible idea.

no kingdom to come by domesticadventures, 16.8k, canonverse. dean and cas deal with being stuck in quarantine in different ways. this is the one and only quarantine fic i’ve read and it’s really good lmao. dean and cas’ relationship is so organic and tentative in this one

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo, 8.4k, canonverse. it’s like dean’s being cursed to have bad hookups with men. SUCH a funny fic and the deancas tension is so simple and sweet and GOOD. plus cas is so enjoyably characterized here he’s so human and worn in and experienced in his own unique way. perfect use of rowena too

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

turn of the year by kototyph, 3.9k, canonverse au. sam and dean get stuck out in the middle of nowhere on the winter solstice. what i wouldn’t give for a full 80k of this verse actually. also i went on a kototyph binge after reading shut up put your money where your mouth is and they have a SOLID spn repertoire

Fifteen minutes later, Dean gets back in the car with empty hands and ice in his fucking eyebrows. “Get the map out,” he says through chattering teeth, sticking numb fingers under his arms.

Sam holds up the battered 1995 Rand MacNally they keep in the side pocket, turned to a page of uninterrupted green. “We’re going to die,” he announces.

💖 bullets in the gun by kototyph, 4.9k, canonverse au. cas is a cop (i know. still) who gets kidnapped by dean in an unfortunate turn of events. GOD this fic is SO FUNNY. cas’ canny and strategic escape attempts render him a very active VERY funny pov character plus the hate attraction to dean is PERFECTLY WRITTEN VERY BELIEVABLE. dean’s kindness also shines thru even as he literally holds cas hostage like!!!! PERFECT characterization. both of them are so LIKABLE here. if you read anything on this list read this

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

as you will by kototyph, 1.8k, victorian au. cas endures a proposal mishap. it’s cute it’s funny it’s sweet!

"No?" Castiel echoes, dumbly.

and if i was looking too? by kototyph, 2.6k, au. cas is undercover where dean works. this fic is just so cute like. bird angels.................

There are some things Castiel hasn't told Dean, and there are some things he doesn't need to.

the most important thing by northernsparrow, 94.5k, s10 au. amnesiac cas raising claire until he comes across someone familiar. claire is so well characterized here i really loved her arc thruout this fic. she just wants her dad back and u can’t even blame her the author rlly does an amazing job creating realistic and heartbreaking motivations for her. oh and dean and cas (esp cas characterization!) are sweet in this but honestly the highlight IS claire for me

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

there’s only one sure thing that i know by blinkiesays, 20.3k, post-s5. dean goes to help cas out in ohio and they end up building a home together. i love the writing it’s rlly funny and sweet.

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

💖 to an angel, love and worship are the same thing by geminisage, 10.3k, post s15 fix it. dean grieves cas - and then cas gets brought back back from the empty. i didn’t have this in my bookmarks so i MISSED it the first time around on this list but this was another one of the fics i came back to spn fandom to. it’s so fucking unique?? it actually reads like spn like i think fic tends to soften dean/cas up and makes them more emotional + emotionally intelligent than is ever shown in the show. here the dialogue/characterization adheres RIGOROUSLY to their communication in canon in that dean’s not overtly emotional, and cas is very reserved. they have to negotiate their relationship exactly like they would in the show. it’s all clipped conversation and anger and hurt and (warning btw) LOTS of internalized homophobia on dean’s end but it’s SO worth it. dean navigating his [GESTURES VAGUELY] everything is compellingly written, emotionally true, and PERFECTLY characterized. cas characterization also amazing like u rlly feel the quiet devoted bittersweet love. ok this was long clearly it’s a good fic go read it now

Just as Dean knew they would, the weeks do stretch into months, and then into a year. Grief never gets easier, Dean knows from experience, but you do get better at it. After all, you can get used to anything.

the violin house by teh_helenables, 8.5k, post-s5. dean and cas build a home after stull. so slow and lovely and sweet and gentle. i need to put this here so that i don’t forget it tbh. it’s very much dean as a war wife cas as the husband away on the front

The Apple Pie Life is a slow process, but Dean and Cas are getting there—until Cas is called for battle and Dean is forced to wait.

💖 muscle memory by komodobits, 18.9k, au. amnesiac cas wakes up three years in the future with dean in his kitchen. komodobits DOES NOT FUCKING MISS!!! i CRIED at the end of this i had NO INTENTION OF CRYING the rest of the fic isn’t even SAD i just had to sit there at the end of it w tears dribbling down my face. INSANE work of art

Dear Castiel,

Hello – it’s Castiel. This must all seem very confusing, and I’m sorry for that. Dean says to tell you that this isn’t some kind of ‘time-travel stunt’, although I’m sure that won’t be your first thought. I know it wasn’t mine. I’ve told Dean to leave now, as this is my notebook and I want everything in it to come from me – or rather, from you. I know you think it's the fifteenth of January, 2010, but it isn't. At the time of my writing this, the date is the fourth of October, 2013. Dean Winchester is your boyfriend of a year and a half, and you no longer work at the library, and in early 2010 you were hit by a car and hospitalised. I’m sorry.

a.k.a the 50 First Dates Dean/Cas AU where Castiel wakes up on a day just like any other, except that three years have passed without his knowing, and Dean Winchester is in the kitchen wanting to marry him.

don’t forget the experience points by annie d (scaramouche), 10.8k, au. cas is sam’s work friend, and he and dean get to know each other. genuinely an adorable fic. i adore cas’ characterization in this it’s snarky AND awkward AND confident in a way that i absolutely believe he would be if he had 30 yrs of human life under his belt

It's because Dean was an awesome brother than he took such an interest in Sam's new friend. No, really. What happened afterwards was mostly an accident.

actus fidei by manic_intent, 5.6k, canonverse au. dean’s a priest, cas is still his angel. i was HOOKED from the description alone like That’s Everything I Love in One Sentence. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the very first time that Castiel manifests in front of Father Dean Winchester, he gets as far as "Rejoice, for you are blessed-" before Dean shoots him with a salt-loaded shotgun.

not with a bang but a yelp by strange_estrangement, 1.4k, canonverse. team free will leave yelp reviews. this isn’t d/c actually it’s just a crack-ish fic but the formatting is cool and the references are SO funny and so well done

What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.

the courtship of combat by bendingsignpost, 18.2k, medieval a/b/o au. cas is politically coerced into fighting in a courtship melee for prince dean's hand, and he teams up with two unexpected allies to do it. I KNOW HOW THE ABO THING SOUNDS but i swear it's done well - it's by bendingsignpost so ofc he puts his own spin on the premise. im absurdly into it. PLUS jack is in it!!!!!!! it's technically an unfinished series but the first part is so good just on its own

When pressed upon to mate for a political alliance, Commander Castiel dares to refuse his king. As “I do not wish to mate at all” is clearly the wrong thing to say, Castiel takes the other path and lies. “You must know my affections lie elsewhere, my king.”

King Michael studies Castiel’s face long and hard. Then, with a nod, he snaps his fingers, pointing to Castiel. “The Winchester omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel says with no real recollection of who that is.

The ruse of an unavailable omega works well enough, right up until that omega is no longer unavailable. Then, with what seems to be his entire nation cheering him on toward victory, Castiel must enter the melee to win his mate. Backed by allies, training, and his own natural talents, the only question is how well he can contrive to fail.

four letter word for intercourse by bendingsignpost, 194.7k, au. dean calls a sex hotline. OH BOY solid characterization excellent plot/premise like bendingsignpost is so good at turning absurd premises into realistic, believable fiction. also sex hotline fic is usually a BIG turn-off bc of the power dynamics/one-sidedness of a relationship based on sex work but. BUT. bendingsignpost does it well! it’s not weird at ALL i started reading and was immediately reassured abt its intentions and its plot direction

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties.

What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right?

(It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon, 21.4k, post-canon. case fic! dean and cas have to kiss on a loveboat to solve a case >:)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."

Dean just stares at him.

when you have a future. by firebog, 17.6k, post-s8. dean and sam and cas learning to be human post-apocalypse. reminds me of robotmango’s writing! it’s kind of eccentric and very very sweet and funny.

Sam closes Hell. Castiel closes Heaven. The heroes save the day. There's no Heaven or Hell waiting to cause the next big disaster. There's no more end of the world. There's only a squirmy feeling in his chest that feels a lot like freedom. So, now what?

(Things I promise you in this fic: dog poetry, rabbits, and fluff)

six inch heels by alitneroon, 2.3k, canonverse. dean does drag! excellent fucking character study. prose is fantastic

Dean does drag on a whim, and ends up in way over his head.

sharing is caring by gateskeeper, 2.5k, canonverse. five times dean and cas shared something and one time they didn’t. look. sometimes u just need some saccharine tropey fluff. it’s VERY well written

Sam knows that Dean and Cas have shared a lot together, but ever since Cas became human permanently, it seems like they've been sharing a lot more. 

Or: five times Dean and Cas shared something special and one time Dean refused to.

💖 empty spaces by schmerzerling, 60k, au. dean has to take care of his dying father, and takes up running to cope. that’s just the beginning. HEAVY trigger warnings for ED (specifically anorexia) and suicidal thoughts. there is a happy ending, but dean has to fight to make it there. god. okay. this is a dark fic. it’s also one of the most well-characterized fics i’ve ever read. dean’s spiral is excruciatingly accurate and written with the kind of wry compassion that comes from either extensive research or extensive experience. it’s also completely immersed in dean’s perspective - dean’s relationship w his dad, dean’s relationship w food scarcity, etc. it’s incredible. it’s kinda scary. it’s deeply sad. cas is explicitly autistic and it’s ALSO incredibly accurate and loving, and makes cas so true to his canon self. ugh. and i burst into TEARS at some of the accompanying art, which is so sparse and lonely and beautiful. 100/10 experience one of the best fics i’ve read this year

Dean is fine. The way he sees it, things are simple. He had a house and a family and food in his stomach, and now he doesn't. And yeah, that's a downer, but he's not going to let that stop him from being fine, because he's in control of the situation. He definitely doesn't need anyone to save him. And it's not like the weird guy with the nice butt from down the road is the knight-in-shining-armor type, anyway.

broken road by thegeminisage, 109.6k, 14x13 au. dean makes a wish and gets more than he bargained for. a lot of “john comes back” fics are kinda short on nuance, which this author has talked about a lot - and oh MAN does this fic deliver on nuance. john’s abuse is absolutely present, but his pov makes him a complex character instead of a flat caricature for dean to reject. and the way this fic resolves really makes it clear that the priority is dean’s emotional well-being over all else!!! this isn’t about dean taking the path fandom thinks he should take w his abuser (killing john, punching john in the face, etc), this is abt dean coming to terms w his abuse and finding his own emotionally satisfying way of resolving it. also dean and cas are in an established relationship and it’s very slow and sweet.

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end. 

home is not a place by imogenbynight, 6.8k, post-s11. human cas struggles with belonging, and dean struggles with their relationship. this reads a lot like komodobits’ cuckoo and nest, but it’s its own sweet little thing. they watch movies!!! very cute 

In which Dean is the oblivious one for a change.

love: a retrospective by xylodemon, 40.7k, post-s12. dean tries to deal w cas’ absence after s12 and reflects on their relationship thru the years. this was written before s13 aired, so - no spoilers - but jack plays a different role than he ends up playing in canon. it’s kinda fun seeing ppl’s theories pre-s13 tbh. makes me VERY glad that they took jack in the direction they did in show. anyway this is THEE definitive “they’ve been fucking all along” fic

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

✨💖 if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee, 37k, post-s15 fix-it. cas gets broken out of the empty - and he immediately makes a break for it. new fave fix-it!!!! the writing is so understated and so straightforward - SO in character for cas tbh - that every single emotional beat feels like a PUNCH. and there are so many amazing character moments it made my chest seize the fuck up!!!!! perfect characterization perfect relationship moments perfect cas/jack parenting moments. the yearning over the phone is OFF THE CHARTS and spocklee makes the most of that tension!!!! PLUS old canon characters get to make fun appearances!!!!! i cannot recommend this shit enough

After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.

✨ before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10.5k, post-canon. dean and sam and cas tackle a monster of the week case with unexpected consequences. perfect pov perfect relationship moments SUCH GOOD TENSION. again this writing style just lets the tension dial up to 1000% every word is meaningful and it makes my chest hurt!!! spocklee SHOULD have blown up during the spn renaissance and i STAND by that

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

CLASSICS

isn't it cool how every person has diff fics they consider "classics?" anyway these are required fucking reading. if u've been around these will prob be old news.

💖 asunder by rageprufrock, 23k, au. dean and cas go to sam's wedding. i reread this once a year like a religious ritual.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

💖 the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock, 15k, set during s5. dean teaches cas how to be human. mostly the sex part. literally the gold fucking standard of s4-5 era deancas fic and for deancas fic in general, personally

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed, 4.5k, au. dean tries to sign up for an ok cupid profile and has a revelation. as soon as i put this entry down i realized this entire fic rec was an exercise in futility, because if i could i'd literally just rec everything orange_crushed/robotmango has ever written. still one of THEE best authors in this fandom. go read all her fics. i’ll put the highlights here

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements."

"You hang out in your basement."

"I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

💖 pwp: pie without plot by orange_crushed and majorenglishesquire, 82k, post-s8. sam and dean and cas quit hunting for a little bit to open a bakery. this is my comfort fic. i love it so so much.

he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything

💖 la cucina by orange_crushed, 4k, post-s8. dean gets into cooking for a newly human cas. it's so gentle and loving and kind and makes me tear up every time. YES food is a comfort item and expression of love for dean. no i don't want to talk about it

Dean turns around and Castiel is picking through the jars, turning them over carefully to read the labels, totally engrossed. Dean watches him.

"Is there," Dean says, "uh, anything in there you like?" Castiel looks up at him and then back at the apples, sitting in a basket on the counter in their golden skins, ripe and pretty. Castiel smiles up at Dean.

"I don’t know yet," he says.

today, your barista verse by orange_crushed, 13.6k, coffeeshop au. a series of short sweet lovely fics where cas is a barista and dean is a smitten customer. literally the only coffeeshop au i respect

"Is that-"

"My number," says Dean, because he's a fucking champion, he's cool, he's collected, he's Captain Smooth of the USS Smoothtania, that's right. He is definitely not leaning against the counter for moral support. Cas doesn't looked seduced or impressed, though. He does not look like a dude who just met Captain Smooth and wants to ride the loveboat. He looks puzzled.

fata morgana. by orange_crushed, 6.6k, post-s9. dean is the king of hell. bela and cas team up to find him. bela pov. yeah you fucking heard that right BELA POV. BELA AND CAS!!!!!!!!!! makes me lose my mind i love everyone in this stupid desolate fucking hell wasteland.

The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell.

"Oh," says Bela.

That changes certain things.

💖 gran fury. by orange_crushed, 5k, pacific rim au. sam and cas pair up in a last ditch mission to save the world. permanently damaged me at age 15 and i've never recovered. major fucking angst warning.

They sit in silence and Castiel passes him the bottle. There’s not much left to say. Sam takes a gulp and it burns going down, like the cheap shit it is. He holds the bottle up against the light. He can see the Fury through it, distorted like a funhouse mirror. She’s a tomb but Sam loves her. Loves everything that’s left.

"To the end of the world," he says.

"To the end of the world," says Castiel.

💖 shut up (put your money where your mouth is) by kototyph, 24k, au. dean and cas get drunk married in vegas. dean renovates cas' house. this fic is SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered/expected and the entire series is fucking adorable go read it RIGHT now

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

not part of the plan by annie d (scaramouche), 338k, arranged marriage au. cas is slated to marry a noble from the winchester house. things spiral out of control. if you’re looking for an extensive well-developed political au, this is fucking it. i love reading about political machinations so this was FASCINATING to me. 

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

💖 all things shining by askance and standbyme, 142k, au. sam and dean and cas go on a hunt that's not really a hunt, and against all odds good things happen. it's beautifully written and has scenes that literally make my heart leap out of my chest with joy and awe it's just WONDERFUL it's a wonderful fic. incredible mythology too omg i found that the authors actually created the myth the entire story is based on - like they don’t pull a random one from history, they made one up THEMSELVES. they even self-published it on amazon if ur curious

Something in the world is waking up.

It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago.

Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

💖 broadway musical by griftings, 12.4k, crack. romcom where cas is supposed to play matchmaker to dean and jo and well. you know. it actually made me cackle out loud when i read it again so you know it's still good. absolutely one of the funniest fics i’ve read

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

the five people you meet in heaven by chevrolangels, 22k, ambiguously canonverse. dean dies and goes to heaven and meets five people from his life. NOT a post-finale fic but still horrifically sad. i remember sobbing hysterically when i first read this so

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

any port in a storm by microcomets, 53k, post-s8. dean and cas go on a haunted cruise for a case. you know what happens next. also the art is by anobviousaside and it's gorgeous

The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)

a turn of the earth by microcomets, 95k, pre-canon au. cas is on the run from the empty and crash lands in dean's life. at one point he punches john in the face. a fucking beautifully written character study of pre-canon dean, honestly.

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

unfinished duet by microcomets, 5.8k, canonverse. sam observes dean and cas throughout the years. i remember this breaking my heart back in 2013!

Sam watches Dean and Cas over the years and notices a few things. (Or, Dean and Cas unscripted.)

💖 ergative/absolutive by glassedplanets, 8k, college au. dean and cas are best friends who meet in an astronomy class. i'm never not thinking about this fic it's so sweet and the friends to lovers is so soft and believable

He really shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this about his best friend who literally just broke up with his girlfriend, but he knows he’ll blame it on sleepiness in the morning. He always does.

a certain light by flightagain, 24k, au. cas works at the gas n sip. dean is a customer. this author’s writing style is so lonely and heavy but it’s very lovely

Castiel works at the Gas-n-Sip. There are half-price nachos and flickering lights, there are office-workers and werewolves stopping by for snacks. Dean is a frequent customer, and his office might be haunted.

the one thing you can’t lose by majorenglishesquire, 5k, ambiguously canonverse. dean can pull cas around and it’s adorable. character study-ish. very sweet.

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

brother lover by twentysomething, 4k, set during s4/s5. dean’s jealous of sam and cas’ budding relationship. this fic is so tropey but it does it well and it’s funny as fuck

However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first.’

his fucking kids by 8sword, 3k, canonverse au. dean and cas raise claire and emma together. yes, claire novak. yes, emma of 7x13 spice girls fame. this was the first kidfic i read for spn i think. obvs written before jack or claire actually came back into the picture but it was the TEMPLATE of kidfic for me for ages

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

💖 what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie d (scaramouche), 16k, post s8. dean gets turned into an octopus. another fic that was SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered i fucking love when that happens. it isn’t even about dean being an OCTOPUS like NO. NOT EVEN. it’s ACTUALLY about the bunker and building a home and a community and a family and about PHYSICAL COMFORT and you can actually feel the world expanding at the end of this fic like a gusty sigh of relief it’s SO WONDERFUL. kevin is in this fic. ellie is too and i had to look her up but THIS is her!!!! danay garcia u were too hot to stay on this show but i love you and miss u

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

💖 a beginner’s guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, canonverse au. dean is a cop who summons a powerful entity to help him solve a cold case. oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t put this on here i love this one so much. the writing bowls me over it’s so confident in its worldbuilding like you’re IMMEDIATELY plunged into dean’s pov (FLAWLESSLY executed throughout the fic btw) and you just learn about the world as you go!! and it’s such a fascinating world!!! i love the magic i love the typical bureaucratic red tape procedures i love normalizing the supernatural. i ESPECIALLY love monsters as normal people in a society. at one point there’s this exchange

“Monsters,” says Cas finally. “Beyond the Wall there are monsters.” “You mean, like, vampires and djinn and stuff?” Cas shakes his head. “Those aren’t monsters, those are just people.”

those lines have stayed with me for years. i think about them every time i rewatch an episode of spn.

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

dean’s list by almaasi, 3k, canonverse. dean makes a list. short and sweet. i read this so much in 2015 that it literally got engraved into my brain line by line and rereading it caused synapses to fire that havent felt anything in years

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

💖 the path of fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, post-s8. dean and cas open a charming bed and breakfast in vermont. no, literally. another CLASSIC. i think about the food in this fic all the time...........maple bacon baked french toast......the cinnamon rolls.....it literally sounds so good

After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

long nights in cold months by pyrebi, 2.3k, au. dean’s an insomniac and cas works at walmart. i forgot i had this fic ALSO basically memorized. holy shit. pineapple in the fruit aisle.....................anyway it’s short and sweet and the “plot” resolves in such a satisfying way

When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

incredibly single & ready to mingle by imogenbynight, 3.6k, au. dean and cas meet on facebook. short cute au!!!!!!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

💖 unknown quantities by xylodemon, 8.5k, post-s8. after a post-case tryst, dean has to figure out his and cas’ relationship. human cas fics hold a special place in my heart. funny AND good dean pov AND a misunderstanding that i actually think works!!!!!

No one ever tells Dean anything.

(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

[crowleygal]

Dean and Amara Scene and why it was invented.

I'll never understand how Amara could think that Dean was better off knowing that his mother was a cold, uncaring person was better for him than his memories of his 4 year old self having a warm, loving mother. Dean's life has been filled with so much pain and loss it seems cruel to want to add to that. Especially, only to have her die again and make him go through all that pain all over again.

As for accepting Mary as a real person, Dean told Sam in Dark Side of the Moon that John and Mary's marriage wasn't perfect until after Mary died. It seems like 4 year old Dean had an inkling parents weren't perfect.

This whole thing about Dean not being able to accept his life, where did that come from? Dean is the character on the show who was most adaptable. He didn't have much but he appreciated what he had. Its why he has fond memories of wreaths made of beer cans and giant slinkies. He held on to the necklace Sam gave him for so long. Home to Dean wasn't a white picket fence, it was with John and Sam.

He had no trouble fitting in, whether it was prison or a Hollywood Movie set. He loved whole heartedly. He wanted to make a life with Cassie. He thrived at Sonny's.He immediately made the bunker home. He even found a measure of purity and a connection in Purgatory. (He dropped Benny because of Sam, not Mary). He made a life with Lisa. (If things were hard it's because he was greiving for Sam, and Bobby and Cas lied to him for a whole year about 'Sam' being alive). It had nothing to do with Mary.

His life certainly wasn't empty. He had Sam, John,, Bobby, Jody, Donna, Claire, Charlie, Benny, Crowley (in a weird, frenemy sort of way), Kevin, Garth, Alex, Lisa, Ben, and of course Cas. These people were all in his life before Mary showed up. (Miss me with, they died because he's lost people under Dabb)

Yes, he had some anger, but it seemed it came out more when he felt people disrespecting her memory. Mary hasn't really been a driving force for Dean since s2, and even then he was willing to let go of vengeance to protect Sam.

Honestly, John was the parent Dean needed to stop idolizing. John is the one who brainwashed Dean that only Sam mattered and taught Dean to hate himself. John is the parent who stopped Dean from being happy. (See Cassie).

This whole anger at Mary seems like it would fit better with Sam. He was the one looking for 80s sit com normal. Also Mary sold him out to a demon. He should have some anger over that. This is why Sam feels like he's become a plot point rather than a character. He's devoid of any personality or emotion.

Sam was also the character who was looking for greener pastures and that normal life. It was Dean who made the bunker home, not Sam. Sam, who had no happy memories of his childhood. (Even though he played soccer, was a mathlete and in a play). Sam who pushed his family way looking for 'normal.'

It just feels like Dabb mixed everyhting up with Mary's return.

Dean's always had a temper, I'm not denying that, but the show used to balance it out by showing us Deans' softer side. (Lucas and Timmy to name a couple). He certianly didnt' pull guns on tramautized minors before Amara's "gift". Its like they forgot to write any emotion for Dean accept anger.

If I had to pick a moment when Dean broke, and started to become this angry person, it really was after Mary came back. It was after The Raid when Sam and Mary sided with the people that tortured them, and then manipulated Dean into working for them. (Funny how he has to respect Mary as person when she has no respect for him). When he experienced more rejection, and heart ache and loss. Imagine how much it hurt to find out his few happy memories from childhood, weren't and that Mary was just another person who left him. (Deans' worst fear).

Why is it insulting to Mary as a character to want to see her make her sons a sandwich, but its not insulting Dean to have to bake a cake for his mother's murderer? People squee when Dean does domestic things, but its wrong for every other character.

Dean's been a shell of the character he was before that that ep. Watch Jensen's facial expression after Sam admits he sided with the Brits). Dean regressed right back to s1 and became a people pleaser. Sam and Cas just replaced John. He doesn't help with research anymore or find cases anymore, he stopped trying to make connections with people or caring about the guest star of the week, or saving people or hunting things. All this happened AFTER Mary came back.

So congrats Amara, you did something that John, life, and even hell wasn't able do. You completely, and truly shattered and broke Dean.

[mittensmorgul]

Hi Mittens, I’m the anon who asked about Christo. I’m sorry to cause any confusion. One example is how they treated Abbadon. Dean specifically outlines how they are going to make sure she’s dead by dismemberment and burying the pieces in concrete. They even repeat that scene in the episode previouslies where Abbadon comes back. So why didn’t they dispose of her like they proclaimed? Then they both leave the room to take the phone call and she escapes. 1 of 2.

2/2 It reminded me of them leaving the Styne brother alone in the dungeon and he escaped. Shouldn’t they know to lock the bad guys down more securely? Your anon who mentioned President Rooney reminded me of that strange situation with the golden egg. Why were they hanging around in the hotel room just to get caught by the feds? Shouldn’t they have freed him and ran? I feel they should be shown to be smarter. So is the writing face value for their characters or is the writing inconsistent?

Hi there! and thank you for writing back! It’s not a problem at all! I love answering questions if I can, and you’re lucky I have some answers to this one that you will hopefully find satisfying. :)

(note that I would put this under a cut, but tumblr has been breaking them lately, so I’m not gonna risk that... apologies for the very long post)

Let’s start with Abaddon, since that one is incredibly easy. They 100% did do exactly what they said they were gonna do to her. They very much did hack her up and bury her under concrete in/after 8.12. They thought they could use her as the demon for the cure in 8.22, though. They’d been trying to capture a demon, but Crowley had ordered all his demons to stay away from them.  Here, from the transcript of 8.22

DEAN: Could we take this hoodoo on a test drive?

SAM: Um, I mean, I have the exorcism right here. All we need is the blood, consecrated ground, and a demon. So, what? We summon a demon, trap it –

DEAN: Or – or we use one that we've already tagged. Do we still have dad's old army field surgeon's kit?

SAM: It's in the trunk. Why?

DEAN: Yeah, I think it's time we put humpty dumpty back together again.

*

They dug her up and stitched her back together (sans hands), and were intending to use her to perform the Third Trial. Hence the stitches holding her head on:

Agreed they were kinda dense leaving her alone, even without her hands attached, when their phone rang... Crowley was calling to blackmail them and it gave Abaddon time to escape. Which is why they ended up capturing and using Crowley for the Third Trial. 

Then in 8.23, when she shows up to tell Crowley that she’ll be taking over Hell now, Sam douses her with holy oil and lights her up. We don’t know definitively what happened to her or her remains after that point because A LOT happened at the end of 8.23, and “making sure abaddon was really dead-dead” was not at the top of Dean’s priority list, you know? Which is the state from which she was resurrected in 9.02...

But in between, she absolutely did spend half a season chopped up under concrete. This is not “bad writing” or incoherent continuity.

They didn’t really have a way to definitively “kill” her, you know? the best they could do was to trap her and bury her, but their own desperation to get the doors of hell slammed shut (which, if you know me you know I think is the biggest act of hubris the Winchesters have ever attempted to carry out) they didn’t really stop to think “hey maybe this is the worst idea.”

I also don’t think they knew that Abaddon had the power to command her hands to do her bidding when they were literally in a box on a table across the room from her... I mean, I would’ve been OVERLY cautious about that sort of thing just because, but I’ll forgive them because they were distracted, stressed, and overwhelmed. Sam was experiencing massive Trial Sickness, Dean was worried about him AND Cas, and then if that wasn’t enough, Crowley called to tell them he was methodically gonna kill everyone they ever saved until they gave in to his demands.

They were kinda distracted... ?

Okay, moving on to the next one: Eldon Styne and the Half-Assed Handcuff. Let’s start by remembering a few details about this Dumbass Scene.

1. It was Bucklemming... something in me always wonders if the crew deliberately fucks around with stuff in their episodes, like the ridiculously ill-fitting handcuff. because

2. this was 10.21, aka the most infamous and egregious example of that one square on the bucklemming bingo card: characters being dumb for plot. Or something like that. I don’t remember the exact wording, but basically having characters at entirely stupid because they need them to do A Plot Thing and can’t think of a better way to accomplish that.

3. this was 10.21, in which the cast, crew, and a good number of the other writers were essentially working under protest, because pretty much EVERYONE other than Carver, Singer, and Bucklemming objected to Charlie’s death.

4. Knowing point 3, please refer back to point 1.

But also, The Styne Family was possibly the STUPIDEST thing the show has ever done, as a whole. The derailing of s10′s overarching plot because whoopsie they were renewed, and Carver wouldn’t be ending the series at the end of s10 like he’d been planning, and oh no they’d come WAY too close to the end of some of their major character arcs and that couldn’t be allowed if the show was continuing, but... double whoopsie Carver was already in development on a new series that he’d obligated himself to, so mad scramble to pull SOMETHING out of his squid-shaped hat and for whatever reason they settled on freaking cartoonish supervillains the Frankenstein Family who had to be both terrifying up front (to pose a serious enough risk to take seriously at all) and then fold like cheap suits when confronted by one (1) MoC-Fueled Dean.

They were scary in 10.18, thanks to Robbie Thompson. It was that final reveal in that episode that let me know we were headed, though. The Styne Family Crest? Yeah, stolen from Young Frankenstein:

(image from the superwiki)

If you’ve never seen Young Frankenstein, please do. It’s freaking HILARIOUS. But it let me know that these were not the terrifying Big Bads we were expecting, they were a parody. They were set up to be Terrible People the rest of the writers could mock. They we were saddled with the atrocity that was 10.21. And Dabb finished them off in Badass Dean Style in 10.22. And that was it, never to be heard from again.

Disclaimer: I have written a whole heck of a lot about this (and about how this was possibly my least favorite thing the show has ever done). the back half of s10 is a hot mess, the Stynes were the worst villains ever (boring, stupid, easily defeated, etc.), and 10.21 in particular hits all the lows even for bucklemming... so I honestly won’t even attempt to defend this one. This was Bad Writing.

And finally, President Rooney... in 12.08, why did Sam and Dean stick around after Cas and Kelly fled? I’ll start this out by reminding everyone that this... surprise... was bucklemming again. Remember that bingo card I mentioned?

(lol I went and found it, credit for this one goes to @messier51 back in the olden days... https://messier51.tumblr.com/post/68535147632/buckleming-bingo  is the original post, from 2013)

and there it is, lower left corner, “Sam/Dean makes a decision that makes no sense.” This is a pattern for them, where they knew the end of the episode must have Sam and Dean being carted off to Black Ops Prison, and this was the best they could think of to get them there.

I’ve said before that I am willing to handwave a lot about this episode because of everything it will give to us down the line (12.09, Jack, it’s basically building the stage on which the rest of s12 is set). And I’ve previously offered the theory that they were Concerned For The President and making sure that he would live/suffer no repercussions of his possession by Lucifer. But I mean, the secret service dudes were literally on the other side of the door and would’ve been able to tend to him just as well, if not better. I think Sam and Dean may have-- in Bucklemming’s minds-- believed that they would be fine. They were only really worried about Kelly being caught there. They thought they would be viewed as “heroes who helped save the president” and not “dangerous threats attempting to kill the president.”

Agreed, it was a stupid thing to thing, especially since Rooney apparently didn’t remember his possession, and is never heard from again in-show. He couldn’t corroborate Sam and Dean’s story. I mean, they could’ve said they were staying in the room next door (it was an adjoining room, because Cas and Kelly sneaked out that door after the secret service guys stormed into the president’s room), and they could’ve just said they heard a ruckus, someone calling for help, and simply found him like that. But they didn’t know that one secret service agent had already been warned about them specifically by “President Lucifer.” That’s absolutely something they should’ve considered would happen, but uh... they didn’t, because bucklemming.

But yeah, that’s... a thing with these writers in particular... we try to acrobat our way around these sorts of things as best we can, and move on :’D

If you have any other questions, please let me know! Otherwise, please check out my tags for these specific episodes. I think I got them all on this post... 

[wakanda-flocka-flame-blog]

The 15x08 episode Preview is the Reason I’m Drunk.

Firstly, I must mention that the episode that airs tonight was written by Bucklemming and directed by Speight, so... get ready for pain and cheap jokes. :)

Alright here’s where we’re starting out. The kitchen.

This scene being shot in the kitchen is so important. This kitchen is regarded as the emotional hub of the Winchester family. It’s been a common place of gathering for the boys and their closest of kin. It served as Castiel’s happy place when he was being used by Lucifer in season 11 episode 18 “Hell’s Angel”. This kitchen was where they mourned the passing of their son, celebrated his return, and fought about how to handle his downfall -- which led to the “break up” between Dean and Castiel. 

Even though the kitchen is just one of many rooms in the bunker, the conversations that happen in this room are usually about the boys’ relationship with each other, the people they love, and the struggles they have with their emotional bonds. From Sam telling Dean he would have let him die if Dean had been the one to undergo the Trials in season 9 episode 13 “The Purge” to Jack asking Castiel why he can’t tell Dean and Sam about Cas’s Empty deal in season 14 episode 8 “Byzantium”. Unlike the strategy-bound plot points they tackle in their war room, the sickeningly violent threats in their dungeon, and the deafeningly long silences in their respective bedrooms, the kitchen is for family. 

The kitchen is the room in the bunker in which Castiel feels the most comfortable. In there, he is pictured seated lethargically or leaning on a table or wall whereas in any other room in the SPN!verse, he stands or sits stiffly at attention for the most part. I

It is also the place where Dean feeds his family. Dean is known to see food as a type of love language; he cooks and eats emotionally. He has been known to consistently prepare meals for and feed Cas who has slowly stopped reminding Dean that angels don’t eat. Like at the end of “Byzantium” when Dean, Sam, Jack, and Cas all shared a burger and a beer after Jack’s rebirth. 

Now, that that’s out of the way, let’s jump into the meat and potatoes of this meta study on the 15x08 midseason finale preview scene.

We open with Castiel sitting on his usual side of the kitchen table brooding, pensive, and alone. Immediately after, Dean appears by the door, peeking in before walking tentatively into the kitchen.

Something intense just happened between Castiel and Michael!Adam.

Cas glances up and they lock eyes for a second. The only time they give each other eye contact for the duration of the scene. Dean immediately heads to the fridge for a beer and opens it. He grabs this beer for show. He doesn’t seem to take a sip from it.

Note: This scene has running for 14 seconds in complete silence. Not even music. Just footsteps and breathing and Dean opening the fridge and popping a beer, so clearly that’s what the show is trying to get us to focus on. ITS QUIET. It’s tense. It’s strange. It sticks out to you as uncomfortable. This is on purpose.

Dean leans in the frame as though he’s standing at the table where he usually sits. The angle is staged in a way where they are both in the shot, but cannot be in focus at the same time.

For most of s15 a table has been between them whenever they were in a scene alone. There is intentional space here. They’re usually standing so close, a Bible couldn’t get through them. Dean has openly told Castiel to back up. This is weird for them, and it speaks volumes. They’re not as close as they used to be.

Dean says the first line, “Maybe you went too far.”

We can safely assume Dean is talking about what just happened with Cas and Michael!Adam, but there’s another strong layer to consider here.

Cas broke it off five episodes ago in season 15 episode 3 “The Rupture”. After that episode, Cas hopped in his car, stopped answering calls, and basically disappeared. He made himself unreachable. 

Hmm. Speaking of going too far...

If anyone has “gone too far” in Dean’s mind, it’s Cas. Remember, y’all, Dean is the type of man to blow up Cas’s phone if he can’t find him. And, if he’s missing Castiel so much so often that he’s doing that, anywhere that isn’t right beside him is too damn far away. I don’t know what went on in the scene with Michael!Adam yet because this is just the preview scene we were given. 

This episode airs tonight. 

Cas does not look at him and eventually grumbles out, “………maybe.”

Cas noticed how loaded Dean’s opening line was. It had a double meaning for them. The only reason they are in the bunker together is because of Michael!Adam, Sam’s wound, and… well, because the plot demands it. They’re refusing to talk about why they’re so upset with each other, and that communication issue is manifesting through one long, continuous, never-ending fight. In past seasons, things get icy when Dean and Cas fight. They’re known to ignore each other, stare coldly in silence, bicker about how hurt they are, talk to each other through their family (Sam and Jack), and throw in a diss whenever they can slide it smoothly into the conversation. All that stuff your Grandma and Grandpa do at the Thanksgiving table after their 60 year anniversary. So, Cas clearly knows what Dean was getting at when he suggests Cas went too far. Because they’re fighting. And they’ve fought off and on for eleven years. Dean stabbed him the second he met him, this behavior is nothing new.  

So, when Dean accuses Castiel, the angel answers, “Maybe.” instead of “you’re right”, which means there’s a fundamental disagreement here. They disagree when it comes to the episode’s textual issue of dealing with Michael!Adam and the subtextual issue of these two refusing to confess something to each other.

All in all, Castiel doesn’t think that he went too far in either situation, especially when it comes to Dean. Dean treated Castiel like a verbal punching bag, so he left and he did some stuff that Dean didn’t like, yeah, but he didn’t go too far. Not from Cas’s perspective. And, so Castiel’s answer to both questions is a passive aggressive “maybe”. Oof.

Dean speaks again, refusing to meet Cas’s eye, “I mean he’s been on lock down for quite a while, you know? Maybe you just, uh…………….. went too fast.”

Being locked in Chuck’s narrative has been like a trap for Dean. This narrative is something he can’t seem to get out of, much like a prison. Not knowing what’s scripted and what isn’t is getting to him. Freedom and free will is the paramount of Dean’s moral compass. But, in this situation, he doesn’t know how to be free, so he’s going through an existential crisis. And when he lashed out, it came from that locked up mentality being forced to do whatever someone else wants for the rest of his life, confined into a box, fighting the same fight over and over again. Dean can’t even trust his own friends, because they’re in this trap too and may be used to hurt him, which they have been before. 

(i.e. Castiel being used by Heaven to hurt/betray him in s4, Castiel being used by Crowley to hurt/betray him in s6, Castiel being used by the Leviathan to hurt/betray him in s7, Castiel being used by Naomi to hurt/betray him in s8, Castiel being used by Metatron to hurt/betray him in s9, Castiel being used by Rowena to hurt/betray him in s10, Castiel being used by Lucifer to hurt/betray him in s11, Castiel being used by fetus!Jack to hurt/betray him in s12...... they need the best counseling money can buy.)

So, when Dean says that he’s been locked up for a while and Castiel went too fast, he means he needed Castiel to stay --  to put up with his attitude for just a little while longer, but Cas...

He went.

Too fast.

After hitting Cas with cruel words in the face of what seemed to be endless, brutal rounds of family tragedy after family tragedy, Cas peaced out. He’s done being treated this way. He wanted to leave, so he left. And when he left….

He left before Dean could figure out the right words to say to make him stay. He left before Dean could take it all back. He left before Dean could fix it.

He went.

Too fast.

That being said, what makes Castiel "Cas” is that he confidently writes his own stories. Dean was who he decided to follow while he lived this chapter of his own angelic life, but if Cas wants to stop following Dean, he can and he will. With barely a moment’s notice. Just like he did with Heaven. Castiel is his own singular being. He is self-sufficient, independent, and strong as a ox. Castiel is a creature of the sky, he can fly far away and it will feel natural to him. But because he is his own man, he will do so when he chooses. Chuck’s involvement in their lives bothers Cas, but not in a way that prohibits him from living his life and being himself.

That is not the case for Dean.

There is another long pause. Cas is waiting for Dean to keep talking. Castiel’s silence is loud, but not striking. Dean looks down at himself like he said too much. In a way he did. He starts again, “What’s he doing now?”

“No idea. He was very distraught.” Cas answers with curt and measured statements, hands folded on the table, hair... flawless.

Cas knows what it means to be imprisoned and trapped. He knows what it means to feel pain. But what he doesn’t understand is why Dean internalizes his pain, lets it boil into toxic emotions of self-hatred, and uses it as an excuse to hurt others -- even as an excuse to hurt Cas. Why Dean would do that… Cas has “no idea.” 

He knows how he wants to be treated by Dean and he now refuses to accept any less. Thing is... Cas hasn’t told Dean how he wants to be treated. He just takes it and frowns. That doesn’t in any way mean he deserves to put up with Dean’s sourpuss attitude, but he is also expecting Dean to read his mind. They’re both at fault for the rift between them.

Dean presses the task at hand, wanting to cut through their fighting and solve the problem, “Yeah, but what exactly did he say?”

Cas, not getting the memo (which is very on brand for him), replies with words Dean has said to him unapologetically, “Leave. Get out. I want you dead.”

Cas looks like he’s about to cry.

There’s a long pause where Dean takes in his answer, knowing Cas is shoving his words back in his face. Dean nods and looks even further away from Castiel. 

Somehow, this can also translate to the dramatic scene that will soon happen between Michael!Adam and Castiel. 

It is important to note that Michael!Adam was the archangel who ran Heaven alongside Chuck for most of existence. He was every angel’s boss, including Castiel’s. There is no doubt that everything in Castiel’s life happened because Michael gave an order, and “Cas of the past” did it without question. Fast forward to 2008, Michael gives the order to rescue his true vessel and Cas fucking falls in love with it. Then, Cas rejects Heaven, teams up with his true vessel to fight him, and tricks him into The Cage for a very. long. time. Mind you, this happened after millions of years of basically being the most powerful being in creation with no enemies that could possibly be a threat. 

I bet Michael hates Cas, and if those two were in a room together, he’d see Cas as a traitor against his own kind -- against him. Without Castiel, he wouldn’t have been locked away. Whatever words Michael!Adam had for Cas couldn’t have been kind. And when Cas said this, he was telling Dean that nothing Michael!Adam said to him cut worse than what Dean had said to him over the last few weeks.

Then, Castiel adds, “We didn’t bond.”

When Cas said the word “bond”, Dean Broke Down. It’s all over his face, his eyes go glassy, he looks up with an emotional blush. He’s clutching that beer like a lifeline. The words hanging here are:

               We [Michael!Adam and I] didn’t bond. But, Dean, you and I did.

The thing about Michael and Adam is that they’re both Dean mirrors. They’re both final results of the two paths that Chuck’s script offered Dean, and they’re both not AT ALL who he is.

In every known universe, Michael is shown as this war hungry, super strong, ultimately immortal sociopath with unfettered power and no regard for humankind or monsters. If the supernatural world and Chuck had gotten their way, Dean would have literally become Michael. A villian. Dean does not consider himself a villian. 

Adam on the other hand is a Dean mirror in a universe where John has little to no influence on his life. Adam is “pure!Dean without John and Sam”, raised by Mary as Mary wanted to be (not a hunter, living an apple pie life). Untouched by the supernatural, Adam’s happiest memories are of his prom and playing at the park with his mom. He liked sports, he dated girls, he planned for college and a career in his future. His life is what Dean missed out on when he was raised by John. Yet, what happened to Adam at the end of his life would have happened to Dean if he wasn’t trained and ready to fight the supernatural (which happened when he was raised by John). If the mortal world and Chuck had gotten another variation of his way, he would have ended up killed and possessed without the proper tools to defend himself from a tragic fate. A victim. Dean does not consider himself a victim.

Neither Michael nor Adam are versions of Dean that Cas could have bonded with, and these are the versions of Dean that Chuck kept pressing into his narrative throughout his life. 

So when Cas said “We [Michael!Adam and I] didn’t bond” he was telling Dean that he always came back to him because he likes Dean for who he is, not for the narrative Chuck forces on his life. He doesn’t follow Dean because he’s the Righteous Man or because he’s Mary Winchester’s son. He follows Dean because they bonded. They have a connection, they’ve fought for each other, they know each other, they have history, they’ve coparented, and it is unlikely anything can break that bond between them.

He doesn’t understand Dean’s self hatred and cruel words which is why he left. Cas has come to a point where he knows Dean is a lil butthead sometimes, but because Dean and Cas are who they are, that connection between them is still there. Their bond hasn’t been severed, and it likely never will be. And a bond like that means that they love each other and will make it through this. But, Dean better not get it TWISTED. Their bond may not be broken, but it’s been beat down and slapped around. He needs to say sorry. Give a hug. Talk it out. Be a grown up.

Dean felt that pain Castiel felt when he heard his words repeated back to him. 

He knows he hasn’t apologized. And everyone (Cas, Sam, Eileen, even the viewers) are waiting for an apology and Dean’s not doing it.

Why is Dean not apologizing?

Why won’t Dean say sorry for the things he said to Cas? Why can’t he find the words? Why is this so hard for him? What is he afraid he’ll accidentally say?

Dean doesn’t respond, so Cas sighs and asks where Sam is.

Relieved to have a break from being confronted with his previous actions, Dean struggles out his next line, but his voice wavers like he’s trying to sound casual even though he’s definitely about to cry. Sam has always been an easy topic for Dean to talk about, and while Cas isn’t done fighting, he still wants to be able talk to Dean while they’re together.

Dean says, “Eileen hit a snag on a case. So… he won’t be gone long.”

LET’S TALK ABOUT KITCHENS TWICE MORE AND WE’RE DONE I PROMISE LOL

Kitchen Point #1: Eileen and Sam are quickly becoming a package deal. Just last episode, they were cooking and flirting and smiling after a long night of having fun together. And, here, we see Dean and Castiel having the complete opposite of a good time in the exact same space. There is a notable mirror between the scenes of “Eileen and Sam in the kitchen” while Dean goes off to let them build up their bond, and “Dean and Cas in the kitchen” while Sam let's them repair their bond.

Kitchen Point #2: The kitchen shakes in a way reminiscent of when their son Jack escaped from the Malak box in season 14 episode 19 “Jack in The Box”. Then the first time kitchen shook, it was the final catalyst to break their family. Mary had just recently been killed, Jack was soulless, Dean and Sam went behind Castiel’s back to lock Jack in the Malak box, and Jack was soon to run away and get murdered. The end result of the previous shaken kitchen was Jack’s murder, Chuck’s reveal, and Dean and Castiel’s split.

Now the kitchen shakes again.

Cas looks at Dean for a second time as the scene closes and gets up pointing out the culprit as he says Michael’s name.

We don’t know if Dean looks back.

We get a harrowing shot of Michael!Adam.

The screen fades to black.

I can’t believe there was so much to read from that one small lil tiny preview scene. Safe to say I’m strapped in for the episode. Bring it on.

Just gotta say, I’ve loved all y’all work for a while :) I wanna be a meta-writer too and finally got to do one :) I will be doing more throughout the final season :) your meta work gives me life :) so glad you are writing too :) 

@amwritingmeta @drsilverfish @naruhearts @mittensmorgul @bluestar86 @tinkdw @legendary-destiel @elizabethrobertajones @dotthings @dimples-of-discontent​