#sakusa crack

[kenjisatos]

MSBY BLACK JACKALS READ THIRST TWEETS ! (SAKUSA EDITION)

will probably make this a series. i just love this team so darn much *sigh*

[atsumu version]

this fic features…

haikyuu timeskip!spoilers, highly suggestive content (as the title entails), inappropriate language, sus atsumu 🤨, genre: crack, some of these are actual tweets i found lol.

Set the scene: the MSBY quartet shuffle into frame, they each take their seat in front of the iconic blue backdrop. You hear Hinata and Bokuto exchanging lively words, Atsumu fixing his hair so it swooshes the right way, and Sakusa removing his face mask and handing it to their team’s pr manager who accompanied them to this shoot.

“Is one of us gonna say it or are we all gonna say it together?” Hinata asks, looking at his teammates.

“I think we should all say it,” Atsumu replies, to which Sakusa nods in agreement.

Bokuto claps his hands together, getting excited. “Let’s do this!”

- cut scene -

“Hi, we’re the MSBY Black Jackals and we’re here with Buzzfeed to read your thirst tweets!” They say in unison.

Bokuto makes a jazz hands gesture, “Sakusa Kiyoomi edition~” he sings, as Hinata bounces in his chair and Atsumu slaps Sakusa’s back in an attempt to hype up the outside hitter.

Sakusa sighs and lets out a defeated chuckle, “Lord, help me…”

- cut scene -

The crew tosses Sakusa a phone, he catches it easily and takes a deep breath before reading.

“I need MSBY’s #15 to bend that flexible hand inside my bussy. Please and thank you.”

Sakusa quirks a confused brow, “What’s a bussy?”

Atsumu snickers. Hinata smiles, “Well, at least we know Omi-kun isn’t chronically online.”

Bokuto puts an arm around Sakusa’s chair, knowing better than to drape it around him or else he’d throw a cold glare his way. “I told you to get on Tiktok, Omi.”

Sakusa rolls his eyes, “I am not getting that dancing app, Bokuto.”

Bokuto’s lips funnel into a pout, “Then how are you gonna learn the language of the people?”

“What, like bussy?”

Atsumu childishly laughs again. “Haha…bussy…”

Sakusa tsks, “Are you gonna tell me what it is already or what?”

Hinata sighs and puts his hands together, “I am sorry to tell you this, Omi-kun, but it means—“

“Butt pussy!” Atsumu blurts out, unable to hold it in any longer. “Like a boy’s pussy, Omi-Omi. Get it?”

Sakusa’s expression is one that makes it look like he was in physical pain, which he might as well be in at the moment. He side eyes Bokuto, “That’s the so-called language of your people?”

“It’s funnier when Miya isn’t combusting.”

Sakusa sighs, “I’m not using that word, let alone using my flexible wrists for it.” He says before he passes the phone to Hinata, who reads the next tweet:

“Dear Sakusa Kiyoomi, *taps mic and clears throat* NO LUBE, NO PROTECTION, ALL NIGHT, ALL DAY, FROM THE KITCHEN FLOOR TO THE BATHROOM SINK, FROM THE DINING TABLE TO THE BEDROOM—“

Hinata lowers the phone and says, “That’s it. That’s the tweet.”

Atsumu wolf whistles and Bokuto hoots while shaking his head. Hinata is biting his thumb, trying NOT to burst out in laughter.

Sakusa blinks once, twice, before speaking up. “That’s…wow that sounds filthy.”

Atsumu barks with laughter, “Literally!”

Sakusa’s eyes widen in horror, “The bathroom?? Seriously? I get the other places, but really? The dirty bath—“

Bokuto intervenes, “Woah woah there Omi, you get the other places?”

Hinata snickers, “You hiding your freaky side from us, Omi-kun?”

Sakusa groans, dragging his hands over his face. “Please, let’s not discuss this on Youtube dot com”. He recovers and clears his throat, looking right at the camera, “Make wise choices, censored user.”

Hinata passes the phone to Atsumu. The blond setter chuckles before he even reads it out loud, Sakusa already feels the dread awaiting him.

“It’s the broad shoulders and tiny waist and the compression sleeves and the undershirt and the butt and that neck and those curls and his eyes,” Atsumu reads through breathless laughter.

He turns the phone around so that his teammates can see the screen, “And then, they attached a screenshot from a manga that simply transcribes ‘cock sucking noises’!” He wheezes, nearly dropping the phone.

Bokuto’s mouth hangs open but no noise comes out as he struggles to catch his breath, leaning his weight into Atsumu who is just as equally—if not more—cracked than he is. Hinata is busy hiding his face with his hands as he laughs, nearly folding himself up from how far he’s leaning down from his seat. Sakusa is watching his teammates loss their minds as he begins to question his life choices that led him to this moment.

Sakusa sighs, “There will be no cock sucking noises, but thank you for the compliment.”

Atsumu begins to recover, “Oh man…” he wipes a tear, “Omi-Omi, stand up and let ‘em see that slutty waist of yours.”

Sakusa shoots Atsumu a deadly look. Bokuto cheers to encourage Sakusa, while Hinata can’t help but glance at Sakusa’s waist.

“Allow me to correct myself; there will be no cock sucking noises nor will there be any showing offs of the slutty waist.”

Atsumu and Bokuto boo, Sakusa rolls his eyes at their reaction. Hinata winks at the camera, “But there will be some slutty waists in next week’s Calvin Klein feature that Sakusa did.”

Sakusa hums, “Yeah, so save those thoughts until then.”

Atsumu passes the phone back to Bokuto, who mumbles: “C’mon give me a good one…”

Bokuto clears his throat, “Sakusa Kiyoomi might be an outside hitter for MSBY, but i need him to be an INSIDE HITTER for this pus—“, he turns to the camera, “They cut themselves off there.”

Sakusa winces at those words. Hinata laughs, “I like the play on words.”

Sakusa adjusts his posture, “That would be very painful, no?”

Atsumu clarifies, “I think that’s what they want, Omi-Omi.”

Bokuto rubs his chin in thought, “Sakusa hits spikes pretty hard…I can’t imagine how hard he could go inside user-san’s—“

Sakusa waves his hand panickedly, “Please don’t finish that sentence.” He glances at their pr manager, who—by some unexplainable miracle—hasn’t said anything so far.

Sakusa clears his throat, “Unless the pay is higher, I will not be changing my position to your inside hitter, sorry. Actually, I lied; I am not sorry.”

The phone gets passed back to Sakusa, “Sakusa Kiyoomi has 47 moles and I intend to suck each and every one of them off his body.”

Hinata giggles mischievously, “Miya-san, did you write that?”

“I DID NOT WRITE THAT!”

Bokuto cackles, “How else did the user know the exact amount of moles on Sakusa’s body? You’re the one that’s always staring at each of us in the locker room.”

“WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT NUMBER IS ACCURATE!!”

Sakusa speaks up calmly, “It is accurate, actually.”

Atsumu goes pale at his words, “O-oh okay…but that doesn’t mean I wrote it!!!”

Sakusa disguises a laugh as a cough, “As much as I love to pick on Miya—“

“HEY!”

“—I’m still impressed that the Twitter user got that number right. Bravo.” He then applauds. Bokuto and Hinata follow. “Maybe I’ll let you do what you said since you got it right.”

Hinata elbows Sakusa suggestively, to which Sakusa repels away from his touch, “Okayyy, Omi. Get it, I guess. Need me to find the user’s number?”

“No.” Sakusa says immediately, but he’s concealing a smirk. He passes the phone to the winking orange-head.

Hinata begins to read: “For Sakusa Kiyoomi, I would bathe in 99.9% disinfectant, drink that shit, even inject myself with it—if it meant getting a shot at bagging that man.”

Sakusa rolls his eyes, already huffing. “Look, I don’t know who started the rumor that I’m a crazy germaphobe, but let me sit the record straight now: I am not that deranged; I just like things to be clean and tidy.”

Bokuto nods, crossing his arms, “Yeah, you tell ‘em, Omi!”

Atsumu shakes his head in disappointment, “Ya guys keep making Omi-Omi sound like some freak. Yeah, he wears a mask everywhere and carries hand sanitizer wherever he goes, but that’s just basic hygiene standards. Do better.”

Hinata points at the camera with his chin up, “Yeah, the only time Omi-kun is a freak is when it’s in the sheets.”

“SHOYO!”

“HINATA, HEYYY!”

Sakusa facepalms and sighs, “Give me my mask back; I’m leaving.”

“NO, OMI-KUN, WAAAAAIT . I’M SORRY—“

“This is supposed to be a thirst tweets video, and yet my teammates seem to be the thirstiest of all.” Sakusa says to no one in particular.

“Call it team-bonding. Meian would be proud.” Atsumu responds, imagining the look of approval on their captain’s face.

Sakusa tilts his head back, appearing to be praying to some god. He looks back at the camera, “But to that user, please don’t do that. That’s deadly.”

Bokuto clasps his hands together, “Awww, Omi cares~”

- cut scene -

Sakusa tosses the phone back to the crew, “And that’s all, thank god.”

Hinata grins, “Thanks for sending us your tweets and traumatizing our Omi-kun.”

Sakusa grimaces, “Ah yeah, it was a delight.” He says sarcastically.

Atsumu flashes the camera a charming smile, “Tune in for the upcoming videos of the rest of us reading your thirst tweets.”

Bokuto throws up finger guns to the camera, “Can’t wait to see what you guys have in store for us!”

“This was the MSBY Black Jackals, goodbye!”

kenjisatos

[merlucide]

Incorrect quote pt2

Y/N: We have to find my darling husband! I’m so worried about him..!

Friend: seriously, what do you see in that guy?

Y/N: He makes me laugh.

This applies to:

(JJK) GOJO, itadori, inumaki,

(MHA) KAMINARI, MONOMA,

(KNY) SANEMI, INOSUKE,

(HQ) OIKAWA, KYOTANI, kageyama, tanaka, nishinoya, tsukishima, LEV, kenma, SUNA, ATSUMU, SAKUSA, HOSHIUMI

(BLLK) BACHIRA, isagi, RAICHI, nagi, RIN, SHIDOU, otoya, SENDOU, OLIVER, KAISER, CHARLES

[hynko]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ RANDOM HAIKYUU TEXT MESSAGES PT. 3

characters: oikawa, sakusa, hinata, shirabu, nishinoya, atsumu, terushima, futakuchi

contains: profanity, implied cheating

genre: crack

a/n: hey guys i’ve been gone for so long so this is just something i’ve put together for a short time !

m.list | pt.1 | pt. 2

[irisintheafterglow]

hello…………..kiyoomi crumbs pls

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

*patting the hood of a car* this bad boy can hold so much bf!sakusa

cw: swearing and the msby jackals being idiots

you checked your phone again and prayed you weren't keeping him waiting for a long time.

"hi, is omi still in there?"

"he should be just about finishing up, but you can go ahead. you know your way around the place by now," the security guard states warmly, giving you the go-ahead to navigate the back halls of the gym to the men's locker room. even if you did find yourself lost, it'd be easy to get to your destination by simply following the banter of your boyfriend's three very spirited teammates. their voices grow louder with every step and you have to stifle a laugh when you start to pick up the bits and pieces of their conversations.

"and then she told me i was being delusional! can you imagine? me? delusional?"

"remind us all when you met this girl, atsumu?"

"...last week."

"dare i say, she has a point," deadpans the smooth, low voice of your boyfriend. he always knew the best ways to press atsumu's buttons, making it very difficult to invite his friends over for dinner without harmless arguing occurring at the kitchen table. "it's okay; i'm sure you'll find another 'love of your life' next week."

"shoyo, the fuck are you doin' with my shirt?"

"can you all please put clothes on? if sakusa's partner walks in here and all of you are naked-"

"i'm not naked!"

"we know you're not, bokuto, but atsumu needs to put his tits away before i cut them off with scissors," kiyoomi quips and you fail to muffle your snort from around the corner. the room quiets in an instant and you hear a faint fuck before he finally comes to find you. he's still slightly sweaty from practice, all toned muscle and messy hair and bright eyes that only twinkle for you. "hi, beautiful."

"hey, handsome. you done threatening physical violence in there?" your eyebrow quirks in question and he shakes his head tiredly, tugging you into him by the belt loops of your pants. your arms rest on his shoulders, brushing stray curls from his forehead.

"not yet. i still have some unfinished business."

"mmm, with razors, i hear." you nod in solemn understanding and his mouth quirks into a half-smile, another expression of his that was reserved only for you. his lips press a kiss to your temple in a rare show of public affection, inhaling your presence with his eyes shut contentedly. "i could be wrong, but a federal offense will probably screw up your olympic prospects."

"if you tell me to do it, i'll do it," he murmurs absentmindedly and you chuckle under your breath.

"what, murder atsumu or not murder atsumu?"

"dealer's choice." he places one more kiss on your nose before resting his forehead against yours like he'd been away from you for decades. to you, it was a few hours; but, to him, it felt like a century. "i missed you a lot."

"i can tell. you're very affectionate tonight." his forehead scrunches in confusion at the implication of your statement.

"what am i, a cat?" the incredulity in his voice makes you giggle and, despite his best efforts to remain stoic, you can tell he's fighting back a smile too.

"in some ways, yes. you do tend to leave hair all over our couch, and you make a lot of noise when you're hungry." he makes a proud noise in the back of his throat and lightly pinches the flesh of your sides in defiance.

"i'll buy us a new one if you want me to," he promises. you stopped sharing product ads with omi on instagram because he tended to buy you anything that you sent him, even if it was just a funny little trinket you saw on an etsy shop. these items included but were not limited to stationary, plushies, athleticwear, and, of course, furniture.

"you don't need to do that."

"maybe i already have."

"thanks for letting me know that your newest love language is buying me a sofa."

"my love language is doing whatever you want me to do, angel." you both jump when a loud crash comes from the locker room around the corner, followed by hinata's panicked rambling and bokuto saying "that was fucking epic!" atsumu, you'd guess, is either the culprit or the object that caused the crash. you gently push omi's sturdy shoulders away and he groans in protest. "do i have to?"

"wrangle your team, put some proper clothes on, and take me to dinner, lover boy."

"as you wish."

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[aboutkiyoomi]

011. total frank ocean reference | antipathy

cw: cursing and delusion mixed with a splash of obliousness.

hobroes

roomies who do shroomies

➬ hmm kenma has a nickname....and a new contact name? you're not slick y/n

➬ some time has passed since the last chapter and kenmayn have spent way more time together on screen and off screen. (don't fight me ok?)

➬ kenma mentioned that he "might" be in love with yn last chapter but a few days later, he texted in the gc after a long ft call with her and said "definitely in love"

➬ bokuto is hating on kuroo & hinata's advice bcs he doesn't want to loose the bet.

➬ tendou has made 15 variations of apple pastries and desserts because yn found out its kenmas favorite flavor.

➬ kenma died a little when you said you loved him.

taglist: @3lectraheart @fairyrots @chemiru @i-am-trying-i-promise @herteatime @shosuki @sereniteav @sunarots @babyyitsval @theweirdfloatything @ast4rg1rl @rockleeisbaeeee @punkhazardlaw @starykari @giocriedpower @cherryblossomly

[hotvinimon]

Miya Osamu <3

“Samu…Samu…Don’t look directly, but I can see your doppelganger… just behind you.”

You and your sweet, loving, handsome, onigiri man of a boyfriend were on a night date in the street of Shibuya. Osamu was busy in choosing what to eat first, while you took pictures. Suddenly you saw Osamu’s clown toghether with a curly haired, bitch-faced man, an orange head and an owl faced beefy boy.

To say that you were shocked would be an understatement. A guy… or I should say Samu’s clown was chatting with his friends just few meters behind your boyfriend, only his hair's more blonde, and his vibe's more... clownish.

“Doppelganger ??? what do you even me-” “CAN’T YOU FUCKING WHISPER ?? AND DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT. BE MORE SUBTLE.” you whisper yelled.

Suddenly the doppelganger looked in your direction and frowned comically and advanced towards you.

“OH MY GOSH, SAMUUUU, HE'S COMING... HE'S COMING THIS WAY!”

Samu quickly looked into the direction, and unlike you he was frowning ??? similarly like his doppelganger ??? what the heck was going on. Was there some kind of invisible mirror thing that you couldn’t see.

Even the doppelganger's buddies seem cool, like they're in on the joke.

The doppelganger was now, standing in front of you and looking at your boyfriend, like he was communicating with his eyes. Before anyone could say anything…

“OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD… CAN I TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU SIR ????”

All eyes are on you, but who cares? It's not every day you meet your boyfriend's mirror image.

“Oh.. of course cutie, are you a fan ??”

“Well, I’m a human but I’ve never seen my boyfriend’s clown my entire life.” you giggled like a kid.

“DON’T DO THAT”. That ‘DOPPELGANGER’ yelled at your boyfriend.

“I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING.”

“YOU ARE MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT HER. LIKE YOU MAKE AT FOOD.”

“I AM NOT.”

“YES YOU ARE”

All you could hear for next fifteen minutes was funny curse words and skin slapping sounds. Meanwhile, the curly-haired dude shoots you a concerned look.

“Ohhhh… so you are his big brother. Nice to meet you Tsum, I’m y/n, Samu’s s/o.”

Unlike your fictional brain, the ‘DOPPELGANGER’ turned out to be your boyfriend’s twin brother.

“Nice to meet you too y/n/n” Atsumu showed his signature smirk.

“IT’S MIYA TO YOU AND IT’S Y/L/N TO YOU.”

"WHAT THE HECK, BASTARD? AM I SOME GIRLFRIEND STEALER?"

"MORE LIKE AN UNINVITED DATE CRASHER."

"AT LEAST I'M EYE CANDY."

"YEAH, WELL, MOM LIKES ME MORE."

More insults fly, more slaps echo, and the furniture starts to question its life choices. Meeting your boyfriend's twin? Not too shabby after all.

Keys -

y/n - your name

s/o - sgnificant other

y/n/n - your nick name

y/l/n - your last name

Requests are open

[brotato-chibs]

been doodling some Sakusa Kiyoomi s yesterday and today heheh

i think i enjoy drawing the waves of his hair!

[base0h]

HAIKYUU CHARACTERS MEETING YOU, THEIR IDOL PLAYER

a/n - so this was kinda inspired by the one piece swapped au :) but yeah basically it’s just them meeting you, a professional volleyball player for Japan that they’ve idolized their entire life and aspired to become like you 🫶

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, famous volleyball player reader, this is not an x reader thing!!

are they having a seizure? A stroke? A heart attack? Maybe all three?? | “OH MY GO—“ they’re frozen mid sentence

.✩ hinata (when is bro not tweaking when he meets someone remotely cool?), nishinoya, tanaka (you made him and nishinoya freeze midair like when they saw johzenji’s manager), koganegawa, goshiki, yamaguchi, bokuto (he’ll unfreeze and then yap about how cool you are), yamamoto, inuoka, kinoshita, himekawa (he might’ve died standing up)

you’re scared of them because why are they just staring at you like they wanna murder you? | they want an autograph but are too afraid to ask you

.✩ kageyama, asahi (he doesn’t mean to bro 😭), aone, sakusa (bro doesn’t want germs on him but he also thinks you’re cool so he’s torn)

they’re so sweet, and they walk up to you with so much adoration your heart legit melts | “You’re so cool— you’re the reason I started volleyball and I’m so glad I did!”

.✩ hinata, nishinoya, kanoka, michimiya (she’s literally so sweet 😭), natsu, akane (she got into cheering because of you not her brother don’t tell him)

they’re all calm on the outside but inside they’re tweaking | “Can I have an autograph?” OH MY GOD IT’S Y/N L/N HOLY SHIT—

.✩ hoshiumi, kuroo, yaku, suguru, futakuchi, konoha, terushima

probably the most normal acting fans out of everyone | “Can I have a selfie with you? I’m a big fan of yours :)”

.✩ tendou, sugawara, ennoshita, iwaizumi (bro does not know how to smile for pictures tho), oikawa (he’s gonna do those finger heart things), matsukawa, hanamaki, daichi (also does not know how to smile for pictures plus he can’t figure out how to flip the camera), semi, aran, kai, komori, hirugami, akaashi

they don’t even look like they like you but they really do | “Can I have an autograph?” they say that as they’re looking at you like you’re a piece of trash

.✩ ushijima, kunimi, kenma (you’re his fav streamer), suna (his rbf is so bad) washio, shirabu (I don’t think he’s ever looked friendly in his life)

they’re very nervous and they legit cannot ask what they wanna ask without forgetting who they are where they are and what’s happening 😭 | “Uh— what’s my name for you to sign? Oh! Right— yeah my name is uh— crap what is my name?”

.✩ yamaguchi, hinata, kindaichi, himekawa, kinoshita, yachi (it’ll be a miracle if she actually is able to ask for a picture without dying of anxiety), kanoka, asahi (he forgot what he was gonna ask you too)

you’re a fan of them so now you’re tweaking because they’re asking YOU for an autograph/selfie | “Can I have a self—“ “YES.”

.✩ kenma (you’re literally a premium patreon), alisa, lev (bro him and his sister are so pretty), little giant, timeskip hinata (ninja shoyo bro 😭🙏)

you’re scared because why are they as tall as the BFG | “Can I have a selfie?” “Yeah sur— HOLY—“

.✩ hyakuzawa, tsukishima, ushijima (“hello there” bro has the high ground 💀), hakuba (that one dude in kamomedai), koganegawa, hirugami (not the kamomedai guy his older brother), lev, meian, sokolov (I have no idea who this is I just know he’s 6’7), barnes (also don’t know who this dude is but bro’s 6’9), taichi, tomas

they’re so chill and friendly that you become friends

.✩ fukunaga (he’s hilarious dude no wonder he’s a comedian post timeskip), kai (the guy is a saint 😭), aran, sarukui, konoha, tendou, kiyoko, sugawara, matsukawa, hanamaki

a/n - fukunaga is underrated guys he’s hilarious

[zumicho]

OFF THE CHARTS !

introductions: volleyboys

© zumicho all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, steal, plagiarize, or translate my works on any platform.

an : guess who's the punching bag here again bet u won't. SAKUSA FOLLOWS ONLY 1 WHO COULD THAT BEJFJSJFJKSJFJRJEUFJ

@gl6ss @causenessus @guitarstringed-scars @whoislesiless @gra-eae @wyrcan @thechaosoflonging @yuminako @aliensstolemyheart @ilyless @phoenix-eclipses @noascats @pattys-got-cakes @cryptictheseus @chloiyoomi @chemiru @mylahrins @kuroppiii @hyenagoated @ayaveraa @19calicos @glocriedpower @punkhazardlaw

[gl6ss]

<- introducing... scenic

৻ꪆ kiyoko and yn grew up together and in their free time they would make drawings for other kids in the neighborhood.

৻ꪆ hitoka was forced into meeting yn by kiyoko because she wanted them all to hang out so bad.

৻ꪆ scenic arts came from yn not knowing what to do with her life after hs so they opened an art shop.

৻ꪆ hitoka loves working with her best friends in her free time when she doesn't have class

send an ask to be added to the taglist

[tobxiyu]

✶ BF TEXTS !

featuring. kita, osamu, oikawa, sakusa and sugawara.

fluff , crack | established relationship | another post bc im in a good mood :)

[kenjisatos]

MSBY BLACK JACKALS READ THIRST TWEETS ! (ATSUMU EDITION)

second part of this series! i love to see more of this team <3

[sakusa version]

this fic features…

haikyuu timeskip!spoilers, highly suggestive content (as the title entails), inappropriate language, atsumu keeps getting violated by his teammates, i headcanon sakusa to be fluent in english (argue with the wall), genre: crack, some of these are actual tweets i found lol.

The videos begins with multiple flash shots of Atsumu screaming, Hinata and Bokuto bursting into laughter, and a clip of the camera zooming in on Sakusa’s disgusted face.

- cut scene -

“Hi, we’re the MSBY Black Jackals, and we’re here with Buzzfeed to read your thirst tweets.” The 4 of them say together.

Hinata drums on his chair, “Miyaaaaa Atsumuuuu edition!”

Atsumu smirks at the camera, “I know you’ve all been waiting for this.”

The cameraman speaks up, “Are you excited?”

Atsumu nods enthusiastically, “Hell yeah! I can take this like a champ, unlike Omi-Omi…”. He side eyes the outside hitter, who, in return, flips off the setter—but the video pixelates it for censorship.

Bokuto snorts, “That’s what she said…”

Atsumu chuckles and claps his hands together. “Let’s get started!”

- cut scene -

The crew tosses a phone to Atsumu. He catches it and clears his throat. “Alright, first one…”

“How can I transform into one of those cameras used for volleyball games? Oh to get that view of Miya Atsumu’s dick all up in front of me when he does his sexy low set.”

Atsumu chuckles, “I can practically see you drooling from here, user.”

Hinata wiggles his eyebrows and pretends to hit a spike, “It is a sexy set, Miya.”

Bokuto fakes an animalistic growling noise, “When you get down low and—“

“Oh please, why are we praising Miya for flashing the camera?” Sakusa cuts in.

Atsumu huffs, “I’m not flashing them on purpose!” He then turns to the camera and winks, “Unless you want me to…”

“Barf.”

“Shut yer trap, Omi-Omi!”

Hinata snickers, “Miya, your accent is slipping in…”

His voice is high pitched and whiny as he replies, “No, it’s n—!”, he clears his throat, his voice now two octaves deeper, “No, it’s not.”

Bokuto chuckles, slapping the setter on the back. Atsumu simply passes the phone to him to read the next tweet.

“Funny how I want to throw hands at Inarizaki Miya Atsumu, but at the same time, I want to throw my panties off for MSBY Miya Atsumu.”

Sakusa laughs, actually laughs, for the first time since they started the shoot. His rowdy companions slowly turn to him, eyes blown wide at the rare sight of their stoic teammate showing an ounce of amusement.

Sakusa’s laugh trails off, “Yeah…you were a piece of shit in high school.”

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Yes, you were. Still are.”

Hinata tries to reassure the blond, “Don’t worry, Miya, I thought you were cool.”

Bokuto quips, “Hinata, I thought you couldn’t tell the difference between him and Osamu.”

Hinata’s eyes widen and Atsumu glares at the orange-head, “Seriously, Shoyo?”

Hinata waves his hands dismissively, “I-I-I…”

Atsumu sighs, “You guys keep distracting me! I’m supposed to be replying to these thirst tweets.”

Bokuto holds a hand to his heart, “We are sorry, your highness.”

Atsumu looks at the camera and smirks, “Keep your panties on, ladies. I like to do it with them on.”

Sakusa stares at Atsumu in disgust, the beginning scene of the video making its’ debut as the cameraman zooms in on Sakusa’s revolted expression.

“How do you do it with it on?” Bokuto thinks out loud.

Hinata responds, “I think he means it’s pulled to the side?”

Bokuto’s mouth turns into an animated ‘o’ shape, “Ohhh, or or or he—“

Their pr manager coughs loudly off screen. Sakusa gives their manager a grateful look, mouthing a ‘thank you’.

The other three pout as their conversation is cut short. Bokuto hands the phone to Hinata; he squints his eyes at the screen as he tries to make out the words. He begins to read:

“Have y’all seen Miya Atsumu? If that dick slap his thigh when he walk, I shall listen when he talk.”

Hinata laughs but continues, “The Twitter user reposted themselves saying ‘Sheesh.’ with 18 fucking android emojis.”

Bokuto leans closer to Hinata, “Ooh! Lemme see, lemme see.”

Atsumu grins smugly with his eyes closed in satisfaction, his hand coming up to run through his platinum hair.

Sakusa speaks up, “Stop posing for the edits.”

Atsumu seems to ignore Sakusa’s comment as he faces the camera. “Well in that case, I guess you’ll all be listening to me.”

Hinata snorts, “Proof?”

Bokuto guffaws while Hinata holds his laughter in behind a cheeky smile.

Atsumu’s cheeks flush red at his words, “I ain’t showing you nothin’!”

Sakusa rolls his eyes, “Trust me, we’ve seen enough in the locker room.”

Bokuto hides behind Atsumu and holds his hands up a certain distance to insinuate the length of Atsumu’s…commodity.

Atsumu continues, practically flirting with the camera, “But trust me y’all, it does, indeed, slap.”

Hinata leans his elbow over Atsumu’s shoulder, “Yeah and so does he!”

The sound effect of a turntable skidding plays.

Atsumu flinches away from Hinata, “WHAT???”

Their pr manager stands up quickly from their seat, a horrified expression on their face; the threat of losing their job rushing in their head.

Bokuto is holding a hand over his mouth, the Buzzfeed crew members are exchanging nervous looks, even Sakusa has his eyes wide open.

Hinata realizes his mistake and freezes for a moment before he’s jumping and scuttling around in a panic.

“I-I-I MEAN HE SLAPS—NO, NOT LIKE SLAPS, LIKE SLAPS LIKE SLANG ‘YEAH THAT SHIT SLAPS’ KIND OF SLAP. NOT PHYSICAL ABUSE SLAP I—”, he exhales sharply, “I’M GONNA STOP TALKING NOW!!”

Sakusa snorts and covers his face with his hands, Bokuto has tears in his eyes from how hard he’s holding in his laughter, the MSBY pr manager sits back down, their pale face slowly regaining its color. Atsumu is left with what can only be described as a sea-sick expression, almost constipated. After a few seconds, he remembers how to speak and says:

“Shoyo…what the fuck.”

“I’M SORRY!”

Sakusa opens his palm up, he’s biting his lip to not let a chuckle escape. “Give me the phone, Hinata.”

Hinata wordlessly hands the phone over as Bokuto giggles and places both his hands on Hinata’s shoulders and jumps in place to brighten up the mood.

Atsumu finally laughs a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Almost caught myself a scandal there.”

“Wouldn’t be the first,” Sakusa mutters as he scrolls to the next tweet he has to read.

“Miya is so fucking hot, I want that man to turn my legs into jello.”

Atsumu grins, “Well well well—“

Sakusa continues reading the tweet, “I’m talking about Miya Osamu btw, aka the better twin.”

Atsumu opens his eyes, “Huh??”

Sakusa snickers, “Finally a tweet I agree with.”

Bokuto raises his hand to cup around his lips and whispers to Hinata, “Here come the SakuSamu shippers…”

Hinata whispers back, “I thought they were called Omigiris…”

The camera crew turns to a very confused Atsumu, “We thought it would be funny to add an Osamu tweet” one of them says.

Atsumu scowls like a petulant child.

Hinata perks up, “Osamu is pretty sexy, ey? In his Onigiri Miya compression shirt too…”

Bokuto nods in agreement, “And that cap? Smash.”

Atsumu whines, “Guyssss, this is supposed to be about meeee!”

“Womp womp.”

“Omiii :(“

Sakusa gives the phone back to Atsumu, who pouts and sticks his tongue out before he grumbles, “Y’all love to bully me, huh? And here I thought we would have deep team bonding conversations.”

Sakusa quirks an eyebrow up, “…at a thirst tweets shoot?”

“It’s personal and vulnerable,” Hinata replies.

“The only vulnerable thing at risk here is my wellbeing,” Sakusa retorts.

Atsumu sighs as he grabs the phone from Sakusa. “I hope the next tweet makes me feel better…”, he mutters.

“I just know that if Miya Atsumu called me a real good boy, it would awaken something in me.”

Bokuto starts barking at that, “Yeah, it awakens that inner dog in me.”

“We are the Black Jackals.” Sakusa comments, matter-a-factly.

“Are they talking about that time you and Kageyama were at that youth camp?” Hinata asks.

Atsumu nods, “I believe so.”

“Then how do they know you said that…?”

Sakusa responds amusedly, “Knowing Tobio, he probably tweeted about it. That man hates Miya.”

Atsumu defends himself, “Hey now, hate is a strong word. Tobio-kun is just jealous that I’m Shoyo’s setter.”

Bokuto, once again, leans in closer to Hinata to whisper, “Here come the KageHina and AtsuHina shippers…”

Atsumu stares right at the camera with a smoldering expression, “User, you’re being a real good boy…”

Bokuto barks again. The video adds a sound effect that makes it sound like a chorus of Bokutos are barking all around.

Atsumu laughs and passes the phone to Bokuto.

“Someone on here said the English equivalent to Miya Atsumu’s Kansai dialect is a country accent. Well then, call me a cowboy the way I’d be riding that man till the break of dawn. #SaveAHorseRideACowboy”

The video adds a cowboy hat and lasso to Atsumu, who pretends to be on a horse. His voice is much deeper as he says, “Yeehaw~”

“Oooh we have international fans!” Hinata speaks excitedly.

Bokuto’s eyes light up at Hinata’s comment, “Oooh, Omi-kun, say something to them!”

Sakusa squints his eyes and raises an eyebrow, “What do you want me to say?”

Atsumu jumps in, “Tell them I’d be happy to let them have a go at this rodeo ride.” He clicks his tongue with a wink.

Sakusa sighs then looks directly at the camera, and says the following in perfect English: “I hope your taste in men improves from what it is now. My condolences.”

Atsumu smiles, completely oblivious to the insult. “Thanks, Omi-Omi.”

Sakusa smiles, an evil little smile. “My pleasure.”

- cut scene -

Atsumu tosses the phone back to the crew, “And that was it! I thoroughly enjoyed the ego boost, minus the parts when the team bullied me.”

“You were a good sport, Miya.” Hinata tells him.

“Thanks, Shoyo. And you’re a horrible speaker.”

Hinata’s face burns scarlet again at the reminder of his misfortunate wording earlier.

“2 out of 4 completed!”, Bokuto exclaims.

“Yes, we’re so close to being done.” Sakusa says, though he looks way too happy and relieved.

“More coming your way!” Hinata adds.

“Stay tuned~” Atsumu points at the camera.

“We’re the MSBY Black Jackals, goodbye!”

kenjisatos

🏷️ @dervngedgf

[kkanabel]

- boku no hero academia -

bakugo katsuki x reader: caffeine addiction (series m.list) smut, fluff, crack, coffee shop!au

apricity one-shot / smut, au

façade / ii two-shot / angst, smut, fluff, prohero!au

- haikyuu! -

sakusa kiyoomi x reader: social media (is a pain in the ass) (series m.list) fluff, crack, sm!au

if you like my work, please consider liking, commenting, or reposting. i spend a long time on these <3 thank you!

dividers by: @saradika-graphics headers by: me <3

[hitoshi-yuuto]

Weird friends group AU

Akaashi : You really put everything aside and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Lev : Three counts of resisting arrest.

Shirabu : Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Hinata : Several traffic violations.

Yahaba : Also, that’s not our van.

Sakusa : Don't worry, we just borrowed it.

Hirugami : I have never been so terrified in my whole life.

[aboutkiyoomi]

001. kenma domination | antipathy

hobroes

roomies who do shroomies

: kenma did in fact sulk in his room for a whole day and a half while throwing shots at yn indirectly. he also watched your entire gaming series on youtube.

: hinata had to lure him out of his room with a solo movie night watching wreck it ralph. it worked but then he went back into his room and sulked some more.

******

taglist: (i fear it wasn't working)

notes : this chapter was extra fun to write. smau's r fun to write in general. i also updated the formatting of the prologue and profiles. some new info was added, so check those out if you would like !

[soukokuchild]

Atsumu and Kiyoomi are getting married. It's Atsumu's second wedding, actually (the first one was more of an arranged marriage). Osamu is once again Atsumu's best man and starts his speech with "Welcome back everyone. For those of ya who missed it the first time, here's a quick recap".

Kiyoomi was not happy.