#sadly no bigger pictures seem to be available

[aces-of-jade]

"Presentation de Personnages" - Lan Jun + Family and Friends - instagram post covers for Jade Armor promo videos! (in french)

[msclaritea]

The Incredible Shrinking World of Scientology

December 5, 2022 

Quite a number of people have asked me in recent interviews whether scientology is growing. Of course, it is not. Information is deadly poison to cults and in this age of the internet, scientology is doomed.

But, scientology puts out an endless stream of propaganda to make it seem like they are expanding. They claim “massive growth” and “unprecedented demand” and various other catchphrases, statements unsupported by specifics or statistics.

Naturally, scientology doesn’t want to make information available that would disprove their claims of constant and unparalleled expansion, so it takes a bit of digging to disprove their lies. There are independent sources of information from which extrapolations can give an accurate picture.

First, all one need do is visit ANY scientology organization and the truth becomes clear — they are EMPTY and desperate to try to get anyone to come in. Sadly, each individual organization has been convinced it is ONLY their particular location that is struggling (because they are failing to apply Hubbard’s tech correctly) — everywhere else on earth is doing GREAT!

So it’s necessary to take a bigger view of the state of scientology orgs and missions. And in this instance, scientology’s own information is helpful.

Jefferson Hawkins recently posted a comment on this blog (emphasis added by me):

They claim “thousands” of Organizations (I think the latest claim was “8000 Organizations), yet if you check their own address lists, they tell a different story. They used to publish full lists of Org and Mission addresses in their books. A 1992 edition of their book “What is Scientology?” listed 148 Orgs and 343 Missions. If you go to their own website, they have a list of their Org and Mission addresses, and [today] they list 132 Orgs and 189 Missions. So in the last 30 years, they’ve lost a third of their centers!

Scientology claims their “massive growth” is proven by the “new churches that have opened” — this is a deception. They have purchased a lot of real estate. They have spent hundreds of millions of dollars renovating these buildings. They have held “ribbon cuttings” with great fanfare for their “new churches” and they have then resumed their status as empty morgues, just in larger premises. You would imagine that if scientology in fact HAD opened all these “new churches” there would be scientology organizations all over the world by now.

Yet many of the most populous nations on earth do not have a single scientology organization: China, India, Indonesia, Brazil, Pakistan, Nigeria, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia and the list could go on. Or even in the US (the home of scientology) the following states do not have a single scientology org: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Delaware, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming.

Scientology has transitioned into a real estate holding company.

Unsurprisingly, scientology holds information about their membership very close to the vest — the one true count would be the number of active IAS Members. This was never greater than 50,000. But they have refused to make this information publicly available. Instead, they make grandiose (and false) claims about 10 million scientologists, or 14 million or 8 million or just “many millions” or these days, “millions.” The truth is that active scientologists number in the tens of thousands worldwide. Most these days put it between 20 and 30,000.

In some countries, they have censuses that record religious affiliation. Information that is NOT colored by scientology propaganda (even the number of orgs and missions scientology claims is suspect, many of the missions open just a few hours a week in a room in someone’s home).

Tony Ortega recently reported:

In 2011, the census of England and Wales counted only 2,418 people who identified themselves as Scientologists.

In the 2021 count, and the number of Scientologists in the same area is down to 1,854.

That’s a 23-percent drop in ten years.

In that same time, England and Wales grew by 3.5 million people in overall population to 59.6 million people.

So that makes Scientology’s share .003 percent.

And remember, during these years Scientology has been unashamedly calling itself the “world’s fastest growing religion.”

Once again, real government data shows that our estimates of about 20,000 active Scientologists around the world as much closer to the truth than the “millions” that Scientology claims.

2021 England and Wales: 1,854

2021 Canada: 1,380

2018 New Zealand: 321

2016 Australia: 1,684

2016 Ireland: 87

The organization that proclaims itself to be spectacularly successful and in demand is in reality today a high-pressure fundraising machine sucking money out of a shriveling number of whales for fake “campaigns” that are all PR and no substance. They are investing their billions in properties which sit empty or are at best grossly underutilized.

There you have it; the incredible shrinking world of scientology.

[gelley-thoughts]

Kagabi, he bared his heart to me. He clearly showed the weaker version of him who is burdenes by his parent's affairs. So while I watch him talk to his dad and mom, which I say was awkwardly standing beside him, as he talk to his parents in their a phone call, I wrote this in my notes as I stand awkwardly on the side:

My heart cries for this person. I know it was not easy to be the bigger person for the people you love. Making it appear to them that you can handle everything well when in fact you just want to cry and show how much burden you carry. How heavy it is. And just see everything crumbles right before your eyes. It was not a novel, yes. How disappointing it may seem but it's the reality. So, I want to cry with this person tonight. To let him share to me the heaviness so I could somehow help him be at ease that no matter what, he's not alone. It is better to let the emotions all out than let sadness consume you. I hope the Lord will help me help this person na mapagaan ko somehow yung loob niya.

Last night, pinag-uusapan lang namin kung paanong dumating na dad niya from overseas, and step-dad to be exact, which his step-dad didn't know na he's not his real child. And on top of that his parents is both cheating with each other. He knows because his mom introduced his guy and his father also introduced his girlfriend to him, it's just that, only he knows that his father is also cheating to his mom. And just this week, he told me that divorce might come into the picture sooner or later.

Sounds complicated and sad but yeah that's his story. On top of that, a bigger picture of drama is his relatives, whom, is involved with manufacturing of (something I cannot mention) with an actual labs and body guards, and bloods,and politics. So imagine how big the drama is. To be honest, up to know, I still can't absorb it in me, that this was someone's reality. But sadly, it is. Its his reality.

But despite that, I am proud of him, because he didn't turned to be like the people around him. He had his values in him and I know how kind his heart is. And I know how genuine he cares for people close to him even to strangers.

Kagabi, I somehow manage to hear what they were talking about in the phone call with her mother it was that his father called his sister but a voice of man picked it up. And yes, it was his mother's boyfriend whom, is in his mother's house, different to where their actual house is. And his father is angry.

He called his mother to check on her and her sister. He advised his sister to picked up his dad's call so it doesn't create any more suspicion. After that we decided to have a night walk since rooftop of his condo is not available. Her mother called later that night to ask him if he's somewhere safe so he told him he is with a friend and he is safe and okay, and that he was just walking to clear off his mind. His voice at that time is soft and tired. So I know he just wanted to cry. It was chaotic and emotionally draining for him because he has his org and we are struggling in our subjects and the pressure of our program is just as stressing as it is. So, I really hope all will be well soon. And I pray that He would give him enough strength and wisdom to overcome this challenges that he is facing.

[productsreviewings]

A cellphone just like the Oppo Discover N2 Flip was inevitable in a method, due to the area of interest opened and nonetheless dominated by telephones like Samsung's Galaxy Z Flip 4. How good the primary true Z Flip rival could be was much less sure. It occurs, it is actually good.The Discover N2 Flip takes the template of the Galaxy Z Flip 4 and runs with it, adjusting itself to be slimmer and simpler. Whereas we have solely had a short while to check Oppo's new foldable to this point, it is made modifications that we expect Samsung and different wannabe small foldable makers should copy or adapt, or they're going to face irrelevance within the section.It is not as distinctive because the bigger Oppo Discover N2, however not like that mannequin, the Discover N2 Flip shall be obtainable to European consumers. And for those who're on a price range and inclined to purchase a foldable cellphone, Europe's clients may need the most effective foldable telephones but.Discover the Oppo N2 Flip HouseBeginning Worth: £849Software program: Android 13, with ColorOS 13.0Inside show: 6.8-inch FHD AMOLED (2520 × 1080)Outer show: 3.6-inch AMOLED (720 × 382)Refresh Charge: 1-120Hz (inside solely)CPU: Dimension 9000 PlusRAM: 8GBStorage: 256 GBExterior Digital camera: 50MP most important (f/1.8), 8MP ultrawide (f/2.2)Inside Digital camera: 32MP selfie (f/2.4)Battery: 4,300 mAhCharging: 44W wiredDimension (folded): 3.36 x 2.96 x 0.63 inches (85.5 x 75.2 x 16.02 mm)Dimension (unfolding): 6.54 x 2.96 x 0.29 inches (166.2 × 75.2 × 7.45 mm)Weight: 6.7 ounces (191 grams)Colour: Astral Black, Moonlit PurpleOppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: value and availability Oppo is bringing the Discover N2 Flip to the worldwide market, making it the primary foldable to be offered outdoors of China. Sadly, it does not embody the US, but when it is obtainable in your nation, it's going to go up for pre-order on February fifteenth and on sale March 2nd.You may pay £849 ($1,025 / AU$1,485 transformed) for the Discover N2 Flip within the UK By comparability, the Galaxy Z Flip 4 retails for £899, so the worth distinction between it and the Discover N2 Flip is negligible.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: Design and show(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)With its clamshell-style design, side-mounted fingerprint sensor and twin cameras, the Discover N2 Flip initially seems like an in depth relative of the Galaxy Z Flip 4. There may be one huge distinction although, and that is the a lot bigger 3.26-inch outer show, inset into the glass for a superbly clean prime floor. You possibly can't function the whole cellphone from it like you possibly can with a big foldable cellphone's outer display screen, however you possibly can nonetheless do greater than you possibly can with the Z Flip 4's outer panel.Opening the cellphone, you may discover a extra typical 6.8-inch FHD 120Hz OLED show inside. Oppo guarantees a most brightness of 1,600 nits and in addition a novel anti-glare coating that helps the show look its greatest even in shiny gentle.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)As a foldable, the Discover N2 Flip has a crease in the course of its show. Fortuitously, it is fairly onerous to note whenever you're utilizing the cellphone, even for those who run your finger instantly over it. Until you are deliberately making an attempt to see the crease by shining a shiny gentle on the show (like I did right here), you should not discover this an issue.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)The hinge itself makes use of Oppo's "Flexion Hinge" expertise to permit the cellphone to open and shut easily and with little resistance. However it additionally has the choice to partially open so you possibly can stand the cellphone to take images or take a look at issues hands-free from a secure place, like we have seen on different foldables. The cellphone rattles a bit for those who transfer round lots with it open, however in any other case it feels strong.Oppo guarantees

that you'll fold the Oppo Discover N2 Flip not less than 400,000 occasions with out subject, and can retain its ultra-thin glass inside show, backed with a metal again plate, and Gorilla Glass 5 outer show as effectively. Cellphone in peak situation for very long time. The large lacking characteristic right here although is water resistance, one thing that at present solely Samsung affords on its foldables within the type of an IPX8 score.Oppo will promote you the Discover N2 Flip in matte Astral Black or glossier Moonlit Purple (pictured). It could be good to have extra choices however these two colours are enticing.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: Digital cameraThe Discover N2 Flip has a 50MP most important digicam (taking pictures at 12.5MP or full 50MP), an 8MP ultrawide digicam and a 32MP inside selfie digicam. These are just like the 50MP/12MP/10MP cameras supplied by the Galaxy Z Flip 4, however whereas you will get a top-quality digicam cellphone just like the Google Pixel 7 Professional for a similar sum of money, you are still arguably a bit short-changed.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)On prime of the fundamental hardware, the Discover N2 Flip's cameras characteristic Oppo's MariSilicon X imaging NPU in addition to Hasselblad Colour Science like different Oppo and OnePlus telephones, which the corporate claims improves evening mode and HDR video.In my preliminary testing of the cameras, which you'll see within the gallery beneath, I beloved the efficiency of the principle digicam, because it captured the solar setting over Paddington's canals and workplace towers in stunning color. The ultrawide digicam, nevertheless, is not as spectacular, with a shot of a leafy wall wanting somewhat chilly and failing to seize the depth of shade in photos a neon signal.image 1 of 4(Picture credit score: Tom's Information) A 12.5MP most important digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. (Picture credit score: Tom's Information) A 12.5MP most important digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. (Picture credit score: Tom's Information) An 8MP ultrawide digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. (Picture credit score: Tom's Information) An 8MP ultrawide digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: Efficiency In contrast to the common Discover N2 or Galaxy Z Flip sequence, Oppo has opted for a MediaTek-made Dimension 9000 Plus chipset for the Discover N2 Flip as a substitute of a flagship Qualcomm Snapdragon chip. Oppo has centered its advertising on the efficiency of this chipset, which made us fear when studying between the strains that this chip may lack energy.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)The hole between Dimensity chips and customary Snapdragon chips that many Android telephones use is not that huge, and even typically MediaTek could go in favor of silicon. Nevertheless, that is one potential space the place the Discover N2 Flip might fall behind the Galaxy Z Flip 4 and its highly effective Snapdragon 8 Plus Gen 1 SoC.The usual mannequin has 8GB and 256GB of RAM and storage, respectively, beating the bottom Galaxy Z Flip 4's 128GB of storage. In China, the Discover N2 Flip may be specified with 16GB of RAM and 512GB of storage, which might be an unprecedented quantity of reminiscence for a foldable of this measurement, however it's potential that we can't get this mannequin abroad.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: battery and charging Due to some intelligent rearranging of inside elements, Oppo has stuffed the Discover N2 Flip with a 4,300 mAh battery, which is fairly huge for a compact foldable (the Galaxy Z Flip 4's battery is 3,700 mAh). Oppo says that consequently it is the longest-lasting foldable clamshell round, a declare we're wanting ahead to correctly testing for ourselves.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)Oppo can be beneficiant with charging, equipping the Discover N2 Flip with a 44W brick, beating the Z Flip 4's most of 25W, which does not even ship with a charger.

Oppo claims the included charger will get you to 50% in 23 minutes and 100% in an hour. Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: software program and particular options The Discover N2 Flip runs Android 13 within the guise of ColorOS 13.0, a visually distinct model of Android however one which behaves usually, evolving like a shelf of funky widgets which you could entry by swiping down on the show. Extra importantly, Oppo is promising 4 years of Android updates, with a further fifth yr of safety updates. It is appropriate with prime Android telephones like the most recent Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 4 and Galaxy Z Flip 4, and means you may get loads of new options to play with all through the Discover N2 Flip's life.With the exterior show, like different folding telephones there may be the liberty to shut the cellphone and take selfies with the exterior show or present a preview picture together with your topic to allow them to see how they are going to look within the ultimate shot.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)You possibly can tilt the cellphone midway to a 90-degree angle after which use a camcorder-style grip for a handy preview of what you are capturing.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)You additionally get loads of widgets to make use of on the Oppo Discover N2 Flip by swiping left and proper on the unlocked cowl show. It could possibly present you and allow you to shortly alter your fast settings, examine and ship pre-canned replies to your notifications, a digicam widget for taking selfies with the principle twin digicam, and miniature variations of different apps like climate or clock, all on a bigger show measurement. Simple to handle due to. Alternatively, if you wish to hold issues easy, you should utilize it as an always-on show as a substitute.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: preliminary verdict We want extra work to completely check the Oppo Discover N2 Flip for our full evaluate. As issues stand now although, the Discover N2 Flip brings us the following huge evolution of the Galaxy Z Flip 4's clamshell-style foldable design, and the whole lot works collectively fantastically.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)We respect the Discover N2 Flip's higher battery/charging specs, however the bigger outside show is the cellphone's killer characteristic. This lets you get extra out of the system when it is folded, which suggests much less stress on the hinge day by day and hopefully much less potential distraction for customers who typically discover themselves looking different apps after unlocking their cellphone simply to examine an e mail. .US customers are sadly nonetheless caught with this type of foldable with the Galaxy Z Flip 4, which stays a wonderful various. It is true that Oppo has discovered cracks within the Z Flip's armor and is fortunately exploiting them, and except we discover any evident points in our ultimate checks, the Discover N2 Flip might take Samsung's place on the record of greatest foldable telephones.

[ryosei-hime]

Comfort

Day 5 for Stolitz week! Blitz goes to Stolas' for a full moon rendezvous but ends up having a different kind of night. Also available on AO3.

Blitz always felt a little weirder about coming in through the front door of the Goetia Palace whenever Stella wasn’t around. It didn’t seem right. The servant imps all stared or pointedly ignored him. They all knew why he was there. And honestly, it took longer to go through the damn palace than it did to climb the balcony. 

He felt like he’d walked miles by the time he got to Stolas’ bedroom door, book tucked under his arm. He pushed the door open slowly, finding Stolas sitting on the bed, back to the door. Something seemed off. Blitz put the book down on the nearest piece of furniture that would hold it as he studied Stolas’ curved back. 

When Stolas was upset, he somehow managed to look even more fragile. Like you could snap him if you touched him. Blitz rounded the bed, swinging around to face him with a sultry grin in an attempt to cheer him up. 

“Someone here order the hottest ass in Hell?” 

Stolas looked up and smiled lightly, but there were tears in his eyes. Blitz dropped the act immediately. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing, really.” Stolas dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief and tried to look excited to see him. 

But his whole body still drooped like a limp noodle and Blitz couldn’t see this night going well with him like that. He already had to do all the work most of the time, but if Stolas couldn’t even hold himself up they weren’t gonna get anywhere.

He plopped down on the bed next to the feathery sad sack. Better get straight to the point here or Stolas would dance around it all night. 

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Is it the bitch?” 

“No. It’s not Stella.” Stolas sighed deeply. “It’s nothing to concern yourself with.” 

“Well, I’m concerning...me...with...I’m concerned!” 

Stolas looked surprised. 

“That’s right. I said it. Now spit it out.” 

“Very well,” Stolas consented. “I’m...well, I suppose I’m suffering a bit of depression. Concerning my future.” 

“Your future?” 

What the hell did Stolas have to be concerned about? He had money and power. Nothing in Hell could touch the man. 

“I don’t know what it looks like at this point or what it should look like. Oh, I have an idea of the bigger picture,” he said with a dismissive wave of the hand. “But personal matters are a different story.” 

Blitz swallowed, very aware he had to be included in those worries. Stolas slid a hand over his to confirm that further. 

“How will Octavia feel about me as she grows? About the choices I choose or decline to make? Where will those choices lead me and can I ever be brave enough to make them?” 

Blitz slipped his hand from Stolas’ but only to get a better hold on it, lacing their fingers. 

“That’s some pretty deep shit.” 

“I’m sorry. Perhaps we should reschedule our rendezvous.” 

“Yeah, we don’t need sad sex. Trust me, I know.” 

Blitz made a face and Stolas smiled sadly again. 

“Well, I suppose you’ll want to be on your way, then.” 

Stolas attempted to remove his hand, but Blitz held onto it. 

“I’m already here. And it’s like fifty fuckin miles back to the front door. Mind if I stay a while?”

Stolas’ fingers squeezed his and a more genuine smile spread over his face. 

“If that’s what you want.”

Blitz gave him a rare soft smile before releasing his hand and crawling up to the top of the huge bed. He flopped back onto a pile of pillows and gave him another exaggeratedly seductive look. 

“Come and get it.” 

Stolas laughed before slinking up beside him and cuddling up to his side, arms snaking around his waist. Blitz put his arm around his thin shoulders, letting him tuck his head under his chin. 

“Thank you, Blitzy. You don’t have to do this.” 

Blitz shrugged and pulled him closer. 

“Hey, it’s less work than what I came here for.” 

Stolas played with the buttons on Blitz’s shirt absently as Blitz’s hand ran up and down his arm in a soothing motion. Stolas wasn’t so bad to hold. He tried not to let him know that, but he was soft and warm. Blitz let his face rest against the top of Stolas’ head and let himself enjoy the comfortable silence. 

[free-pool-trash]

maybe - stiles stilinski

This is for all my Stiles bitches who are afraid of love ❤️ @makeusfreefromthisfandom ;)

word count: 2k

warnings: angst

summary: the last thing you wanted to do was fall in love (the bridge of all too well obviously set me off)

masterlist

“Maybe we got lost in translation...”

You weren’t sure at what point you’d gone wrong. Each time you recounted your footsteps, every step was calculated and perfectly placed. Perhaps you hadn’t done enough. Or maybe you hadn’t given enough, if you were to ignore the fact that the girl you were before was almost unrecognisable to you now, that option seemed most likely.

For months and months you danced around each other, balanced on the tightrope between friends and more than that. It seemed all of your show stopping smiles, all of your time and all of your willingness to be at each beck and call had been wasted on the relationship that had been doomed from the beginning. But, of course, you were only now hit with that epiphany.

Truthfully, yet somewhat shockingly, you couldn’t find it in yourself to take on the blame for losing your potential other half. Yes, your heart had been completely and utterly torn to shreds in a way you’d never experienced, it was the kind of hurt you hoped you’d never have to brave again. But it wasn’t your fault that falling always felt like flying. It wasn’t your fault that he’d wormed his way through your barricades, there was nothing for you to do but surrender to the sudden ambush that was falling in love with Stiles Stilinski.

Falling in love was never something you wanted, in fact, it was something you tirelessly avoided. The notion of giving someone the power to destroy you brought you nothing but terror. Then there was him.

Stiles Stilinski. Clever, sarcastic, kind, cute and terrible at lacrosse. He’d broken down your every defence, not even knowing he was doing it in the first place. Maybe you were fooling yourself but you truly thought you’d broken down some of his walls too.

What other explanation could be given to the times when he’d show up at your house looking for a shoulder to cry on, specifically your shoulder to cry on. Or the times he would throw you a packet of your favourite sweets before school with the reasoning of “Well, I was getting gas and I know you like them. So I got them.” As if it was the most obvious thing ever.

Those being construed as more than platonic could definitely be considered wishful thinking, but the scene currently playing in your mind had to have meant something more.

In your mind you played it back, it’d started fairly normally. Stiles had shown up in his rickety jeep, told you to hop in and he drove around until he found somewhere private and quiet to park. You’d gotten food on your way to the empty parking lot, he knew your order off by heart, butterflies erupted in your stomach as he called it into the speaker with complete confidence. Dazed, you remember asking, doe eyed and almost breathless, “You know my order?”

The boy had huffed out a puff of air and looked at you incredulously, “Of course I know your order, come on.” He shrugged off your shock and the night moved on as it usually did. It was when you were sitting in the parking lot, quietly picking at your food that he spoke up.

“Hey. Can I ask you something?” Sparing him a glance you only nodded, continuing to pick at your food as you listened. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, by the way.”

With a raised brow you turned your head to look at him, his hands were drumming on the steering wheel rather anxiously, “Alright… what’s your question?”

He’d turned his body to face you as best he could in the small space and clapped his hands together, “Ok, theoretically, if someone was trying to woo you… how would they go about doing that?” He cleared his throat as he finished and if it was possible your eyebrow arched higher.

It was a loaded question. How do you woo someone who's never wanted to be wooed? You wanted to tell him, but instead you shrugged your shoulders and deflated against the passenger seat.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really had an interest in being wooed. Never really thought about it.”

The irony of the situation, looking back on it, he’d been wooing you without even trying and what’s more is that you hadn’t even felt it happening. Only now realising you’d been falling once your body hit the unforgiving concrete beneath it.

“Oh come on! There has to be something! Flowers? Chocolates?” Stiles proded, wiggled his eyebrows and he whined half heartedly when you tossed a fry at him.

You remember how you’d rolled your eyes, “Seriously, I don’t want to be pursued by some guy.”

“Blah, blah, blah, I know. I said theoretically, ok? Theoretically, if you did wanna be pursued, how would that go?” His tone went from sarcastic but melted into uncertainty towards the end of his question.

Your eyes narrowed at the boy in front of you, “Why do you even wanna know?”

His gaze softened and there was something so gentle behind his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t pinpoint and the words that fell from his lips were the catalyst to your inevitable plummet.

“You deserve someone to love you. I want you to have that.”

Bringing your train of thought back to the present, you tried your best to focus on the meeting at hand. Scott was talking the pack through a battle strategy, something about Gerard and Monroe but you weren’t paying attention.

You were internally kicking yourself, of course he’d end up with Lydia after all of this. You were so caught up in the short term sparks, the momentary hopes, that you’d forgotten about the bigger picture. Even still, you wouldn’t lie, you were feeling as though you’d been strung along.

There was a set of eyes scrutinising you from across Scott’s kitchen and it was only when you met Theo’s curious eyes that you noticed you had zoned in on Stiles’ and Lydia’s intertwined hands. The kamara gave you a knowing look, quietly moving towards you once the room broke into chatter.

“You know, if you keep oggling at them they’re going to notice.” He told you, leaning towards your ear as his legs rested against the counter beside you.

Sighing you looked at him, completely exhausted, “I really wish I was heartless like you.”

Theo chuckled, tilting his head as if he knew something you didn’t, “Well, according to Stiles, you’re pretty cold hearted yourself.”

“And Stiles told you that?” You snapped, arms crossing over your chest apprehensively.

He nodded his head, pulled his lip between his teeth and then leaned his head back towards your ear again, “He also told me that you were the kinda girl who needed someone persistent.”

Your stomach dropped, you had an idea where he was going with this. “Why? Why did he tell you all that?”

“Must think I’d be a good match for you.”

It hurt, that someone you considered a friend, more than a friend, would talk you up to someone he absolutely loathed, someone he didn’t trust at all. You’d been so wrong about the feelings Stiles had for you recently and you couldn’t help considering that maybe you fell into the same category as Theo. Just another cold hearted fool.

There was a lot to be said for Theo Raeken. Was he necessarily a good person? No. Was he trustworthy? Absolutely not. Yeah, that’s definitely the sort of person you deserved to have love you.

“I’d be offended too.” He chuckled, watching your face carefully. The way it contorted in confusion, how your lips dipped downward and acceptance settled on your face.

You hadn’t noticed Stiles looking at you from across the room, inspecting the scene before him carefully. He had this sort of anxiety flooding his chest as he watched you deflate as you spoke to Theo.

There was no denying that he was in love with Lydia but before he’d inevitably ended up with the strawberry blonde, he’d been building something quite special with you. He knew you caught onto it too and that’s what was eating away at him.

“You’re being ridiculous.” He told you, shaking his head in disbelief.

You scoffed in return, “It’s called self preservation, Stiles.”

“I just don’t get it.”

You looked at him before shooting into an explanation that he’d heard a million times before, “When you fall in love with someone you give that person so much power over you. They can either make you or break you. I don’t ever want someone to have that kind of affect on me. I don’t want someone that feels like fresh air in my lungs because if they leave I’d be the one left suffocating. Doesn’t sound all that magical to me.”

Stiles looked at you sadly, he understood what you meant but he believed in the goodness of falling in love, “What makes you so sure they’ll leave?”

“Because they always do.”

And he’d done everything you tried so adamantly to avoid. Knowingly made you fall and then knowing left you to crash and burn and prove yourself right.

You stared at him, from across the room, something about the look on your face told him that his last stitch attempt to save face had only pushed you over the edge.

He hated Theo, he really did and you deserved better than him, but he was the only readily available person that he could think of in the heat of the moment.

Theo liked the chase and you liked to run, it made sense on paper. But the look of betrayal on your face as your eyes met sent him spiralling.

Without another word you left the room, stalking towards Scott’s front porch and settling down on the steps.

It was quiet for a while, your hands busied themselves raking through your hair as your elbows rested against your knees. Were you really as bad as Theo? Was that really the impression you gave off? Sure, the boy had improved since you’d first met but that didn’t change the fact that he’d literally been sent to hell for his crimes. Did shunning romance seriously make you that evil?

A familiar presence joining you shook you from your thoughts but you didn’t move to greet him.

Stiles clearing his throat broke the silence but you kept your gaze on the empty street ahead of you. “So, uh, Theo-“

You cut him off with an empty laugh, giving him the meanest side eye you could manage, “Don’t.” You demanded though your voice sounded weak.

“You seemed upset- just wanted to check on you.” He told you lamely, rubbing the back of his neck, watching as your eyebrows pulled together.

Turning slowly to face him you let your hands fall limply against your knees, “I have a question.”

He only nodded. Preparing himself for whatever you were about to throw at him.

“Was it all in my head?” There was anger creeping along your tone but it was the desperation for an answer that took the forefront.

He swallowed thickly but shook his head, “Nah. It wasn’t in your head.”

You pulled your lip between your teeth, fighting the urge to scream as you posed your next question, “It was always Lydia. No matter when or where it was always going to be her. So why?”

His heart sank at the question, his will cracking just as your voice did when you spoke, “Why what?”

“Maybe you didn’t mean to. Maybe you were bored or maybe we just got lost in transition but I trusted you. So I guess my real question is; why did you try so hard to make me love someone only to walk away at the first given opportunity.” You wondered, quickly brushing away a tear that fell from your eye.

His silence could’ve killed you, he looked so very lost. Completely devoid of an answer he just stared at you as you inhaled a deep breath and stood up shakily.

“You know, maybe you were onto something with that Theo thing. At least if he screws me over I’ll have seen it coming.” You told him bitterly, walking inside and leaving him on the step.

[stardusttrashed]

My Cup of Tea

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x fem! reader, slight Jean Kirstein x fem! reader

Warnings: Fluff, slight angst

Word Count: 7.3k

A/n: I pictured y/n as a blasian or lightskin

Most of your friends thought you were crazy for wanting to join the scouts. They didn’t understand why you’d throw your life away like that. Always telling them living inside the walls and in constant fear wasn’t living anyway probably didn’t help the situation. If anything, you might’ve just gave them all existential crises.

In hindsight, joining does seem like a death wish. Throwing yourself right towards a titan for the sake of humanity. It was no wonder people preferred to join other ranks, such as the Military Police. But the threat of death never really scared you. You always thought that you needed to feel like you were living before having a rational fear of any alternative. You couldn’t explain why, but you felt like that solution was just beyond the walls. Somewhere so close but so far. 

So you joined the 104th Training Corps and graduated second in the class. You were a close first, second to Mikasa Ackerman. That was an achievement in itself since you started a running joke with her and the others that she wasn’t human. She was some titan god in human form. Or something like that.

In reality, ranks aside, making it through the training was good enough for you. Between the rigorous training and the bunch of idiots that provided numerous headaches- and even more laughter- there were times you doubted you’d even make it through. 

“I had a hunch you were as crazy as Eren, but I didn’t think I’d be right.” There he was, your biggest headache of the bunch. Jean Kirstein. You loved the loud-mouthed, blunt boy to bits, but that didn’t mean he was any less close to getting his ass kicked at any given second. 

It was apparent he had a crush on you since day one. Well, you and Mikasa, but his fixation on Mikasa was stomped on once everyone could see how head over heels she was for Eren. So he settled for you, the next girl with exotic black hair that had no crush to get in his way. 

He sat across from you at the table with an overconfident expression.“You could join the military police instead and live peacefully. It’s the smartest thing to do.” From the corner of your eye, you could see Eren’s head snap in your direction. He was glaring daggers at the both of you, well, mostly Jean, but for once, Jean’s attention remained on you.

“Well, Jeanie-” you leaned in closer, resting your elbows on the table, “- I guess there’s a first time for everything.” you chuckled and returned to your original position, taking a bite of bread.  “You’re only half right, though; I’m crazier than the suicidal blockhead over there.”

“I can hear you two, you know,” Eren broke in. 

“Oh, I know. You may be able to kick Je-ju’s ass, but I can hold my own against you,”  you chuckled before turning back towards Jean. “Besides, being in the Military Police sounds boring,” you said with a shrug. “I joined so I could become a scout so that I could get out of these walls. I’m sure you’ll have enough fun inside the walls for both of us.” 

Jean shook his head and mutter something inaudible under his breath, clearly disapproving. 

“Coward,” Eren mumbled loud enough for the both of you to hear, causing yet another one of their famous dining hall fights to break out. You looked across the scrapping pair at Mikasa, sharing a tired and somewhat annoyed smile with her.

The next day was like a nightmare. Chaos broke out as word of the return of the Colossus Titan’s return spread like wildfire. Wall Trost had been attacked, and titans were spilling into the city. Everyone was wildly unprepared, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t scared shitless. Without the Survey Corps, the 104th Training Corps were sent to the front lines. You were about to see your first titan and put your training to the test. It was everything you hoped for and dreaded all at once. 

You slew every titan you could that crossed my path, killing three titans alone and assisting more than you could keep track of. It wasn’t enough, though. Countless comrades were lost, either through being captured by titans or by running out of gas for their ODM gear. Nonetheless, you soared through the sky, flinging yourself from building to building as you did your part to keep humanity safe. 

Somehow in all the commotion of heading towards HQ, you got separated from the others. “Shit!” You stood on a roof, stopping to survey your surroundings. Titans still roamed through the city on the search for their next victim. Their footsteps grew closer, the building beneath your feet shaking uncontrollably. 

That’s when you saw them. The Survey Corps were back and working on the remaining few titans. You watched as Captain Levi killed a titan with ease and moved onto the two titans treading closer. He walked with such calm confidence you couldn’t help but stop to admire him. He made killing them look beautiful, like a dance. 

Without a second thought, you aimed my gear towards him, desperate for a closer look. You soared through the sky, mindlessly slaying every titan that got in between you and Levi. You were nearly there when your gear refused to function. In a quick moment of panic, you repeatedly squeezed the triggers, but nothing happened. You desperately hit the gears in hopes of bringing it back to life to no avail. You braced yourself as you began to tumble to the ground. You closed your eyes, sadly accepting your fate as the strong winds caused a few curls to fall from your ponytail. You had lived and done your fair part for humanity. At least you had taken out a few titans before your death. You prepared yourself for impact until you felt an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you back up towards a roof. 

“Trying to get yourself killed?” You were greeted with a pair of steely yet breathtaking gray eyes. You felt like you were dreaming. Captain Levi was holding you in his arms like a knight in shining armor. 

“I wasn’t, but now I’m having second thoughts- especially if it means I get to be swept off my feet by you.” You bit back a cheeky grin as you searched his eyes. His frown remained pressed in on his features despite the flash of interest in his eyes. The longer you stood there, the more you grew aware of his arm still firmly wrapped around your waist. 

He kept looking at you like he was expecting something. There was something about you that he found intoxicating. Maybe it was that mouth of yours or the wind-blown mess of black curls. His eyes trailed up from your gaze to your hair, which was probably a mess if you were being completely honest with yourself. When his eyes looked back down into your own, you couldn’t help but get lost in their storm. “You’ve got quite the balls on you, rookie. Too bad, you’re an idiot.” 

It took everything in you not to hit that smug smirk off his face. “No more of an idiot than you are, Captain.” You knew you could get written up for the way you were speaking to the captain, but the threat only spurred you on further. “Only difference between us-,,” you pressed yourself closer to him until you could feel each breath, “is that my balls are bigger.” 

Levi’s smirk was replaced with a more intense look that could’ve been mistaken as hunger as he held you tighter. “Prove it, brat.”

You searched his face for a sign he was joking as you let out a nervous giggle. You slipped out of his grasp and checked your equipment when you realized he was dead serious. “I’m out of gas. The supply team never came.”

“Well, if you don’t want to die, I’d suggest you use whatever little brain you have and think.” He nodded towards an approaching titan. Levi crossed his arms as he watched you like a game.

The 5-meter beast stumbled through the damaged buildings, rushing towards you. It was only three buildings away and covering ground fast.

Your train of thought went a mile a minute. The increasing intensity of the quakes beneath your feet only helped spur it on. You took down your hair and quickly redid your bun as you thought. “Take me as high as you can with your gear, and I’ll handle the rest.”

He hesitantly agreed, wrapping his arm around you once again. Your breath caught in your throat as you both went flying through the air towards the stumbling beast. You knew your plan was half-assed, but you couldn’t help but have faith nonetheless.

Once you were directly above the titan, you gave Levi the signal to let go, sending yourself spiraling towards the figure below. Levi watched with a dumbstruck expression as you confidently twirled through the air. You dove as gracefully as you could be with any ODM gear to help guide you. 

“Damn idiot,” Levi muttered to himself as you drew your blades. He swooped in, loosely wrapping both arms around you from behind in an attempt to help guide you. Surprisingly you managed to slice a clean chunk of the titan’s neck almost instantly. Part of him wondered if you had even needed his assistance. He carried you back up to the rooftop and gently set you down in front of him.

You twisted your body to face your savior with a cheeky smile. You shouldn’t be surprised he stepped in with such ease considering his reputation. He had no doubt worked on countless team missions, but there was something about the way you worked together that felt so natural.

“Told you I could handle it,” you mused to the annoyed-looking man in a way that came off unintentionally sexual. You wiped your blade on your sleeves before putting them back in their holders.

Levi quickly averted your gaze with a quick ‘tch,’ surveying the area. You felt like fire in his arms, which made him unusually flustered. He dropped his arms to his sides as he took a step back. He didn’t expect you to take his challenge so easily and pull it off, especially since you were out of gas. He admired that you weren’t all talk, that you could actually handle yourself. It made each annoyingly snarky comment that came out of your mouth even more intoxicating. “W-we’ll fall back. My squad can handle the rest of these ugly bastards.”

 You turned to face him only to have him continue to avoid your gaze. When he finally met your gaze again, he held his hand out to you with an expectant look in his eyes. You hesitantly took it, cupping your hand in his. It felt like electricity coursed through your veins at his touch. He pulled you closer with an unsuspecting strength, wrapping his arm around your waist once again. 

He was so casual about it while your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest any second now. “Is this how you get all the women, Captain?” You chuckled in hopes of concealing your nervousness. The scolding look in his eyes and the tint of red emerging on his ears spurred your teasing flirtations on. “I’m just saying-,” you rested your hand on his chest, “- your arm is starting to feel real homey right there.”

Levi looked away once again, “tch. Are you trying to live or not, brat?” 

You snaked your arms around his neck and kept quiet. Once he seemed happy with your answer, you hopped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist. You wanted to make sure you were as out of his way as you could be. That, and you wanted to see his reaction. You could practically see the vein bulging from his temple, but he made no effort to correct your stance. Instead, to your surprise, he moved one of his hands to hold your thigh as he made sure you were secure.

His grasp only lasted momentarily before they fell on the triggers. Taking off without being the one in control felt so different. You felt a rush of butterflies in your stomach, causing you to subconsciously wrap your legs tighter and bury your face in his neck. The more you breathed in his scent, the calmer you found yourself getting. He was like a safety blanket you never knew you needed yet never wanted to let go of.

You didn’t see much of Captain Levi once he dropped you off with the other trainees. He left without so much as a bye. Not that there was much time to anyway. You couldn’t dwell or even so much as daydream. The days that followed were filled with cleaning up the remnants of your fallen comrades. There were so many bodies that went unidentified; it made you sick to your stomach—the only person who was more torn up about it than you was Jean.

Graduation followed soon after. You were officially able to call yourself a Scout. The next morning you and the others who joined the scouts were led to a castle. It was cleaner than you thought it’d be. You took your time getting to know the castle, eventually stumbling upon the Mess Hall. 

There had to be at least a dozen scouts in the room, yet you could make out one voice above the others. You anxiously looked around to find the man behind the bored sounding voice. Within a few moments, you had found him, your eyes landing on the raven-haired man with tired eyes. He was sitting with his squad and Eren across the room.

“Hey y/n, if you’re gonna keep staring, you might wanna wipe the drool off your chin,” Connie teased as he walked up behind you.

“Seriously,” Jean joined in. He slipped into the space next to you, despite this side of the room being practically empty. “I don’t get what you see in him.” He shook his head, disapprovingly.

“I’m not staring at captain Levi, you nitwit,” you snapped quietly, already annoyed by their teasing. You kept your lips in a tight line as you tried to control yourself. “I was just imagining myself being part of the Special Operations Squad,” you grumbled. 

“Y’know,” Armin piped in, nearly scaring you from his sudden intrusion in the conversation. “Neither of them said anything about Captain Levi.” I could hear his cheeky yet bashful grin in his voice. Connie’s and Jean’s obnoxious laughter only made it worse.

You turned to Armin with a deathly glare and opened your mouth to say something. You quickly closed your mouth as he met your stare. With a huff you turned away, focusing back on Captain Levi. “You’re too smart for your own good sometimes.” You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything bad about him or be rude. Armin was the little angel of the group that you always had a soft spot for. You turned to Jean, eager to get the attention off of you. “Bet if it were you I was drooling over, you wouldn’t have an issue.” You watched him with a cocky grin, basking in his dumbfounded expression. 

“Just shut up, will ya,” he barked a tad louder than necessary as he crossed his arms like a child throwing a fit.

Your eyes wandered around the room while you laughed at his reaction. To your surprise, when your eyes landed on Levi again, he was already looking in your direction.

Everything Petra was telling him went in one ear and out the other once he spotted you across the room. He cursed himself for his heart skipping a beat. It shouldn’t have been a surprise to see you here. You were crazy enough to go after a titan when you had zero gas left in your ODM gear. What would stop you from joining the scouts? He wanted to go talk to you, to at least get to know your name, but he had to stay and talk to Petra. Levi watched helplessly as you practically ran out of the room.

You tried to stall going back down to the Mess Hall as you stood in your room fixing your hair. You sprinkled some water on your hair to revitalize your curls like you would a plant. You didn’t wear your hair down often since all the wind from using the ODM turned it into a mass of tangles. 

“If you aren’t coming, can I have your serving?” 

You laughed to yourself, not needing to open the door to know who was on the other side. “You touch my serving, and I’ll kick your ass.” Sasha greeted you with wide eyes as you opened the door. She looked you up and down with a stupid grin, making you feel slightly subconscious about wearing your hair down.

“You’re gonna make Jean lose it,” she beamed, quickly cut off by a loud growl from her stomach. She scratched the back of her neck bashfully, “s-sorry I only ate one loaf for lunch.”

“Sasha,” you started with a straight face, “that’s literally how much we always get.” She looked at you like you had said the most absurd thing ever, and you raised your hands in mock defense. “You can have my bread tonight then.” 

Sasha practically dragged you by your hand to the Mess Hall. You found a seat between Connie and Armin, who not so subtly kept sneaking glances at you. Before your butt even touched the seat, Sasha nabbed your loaf of bread, plopping down across from Connie. 

“You uh, you look-.” Armin was cut off by Jean as he made himself comfy across you.

“Wow. I, uh, like your hair like that.” Jean gaped at you with a stunned look on his face. You couldn’t help but feel a boost of confidence under his gaze. It was like you were the most beautiful girl in the world.

“Hey Je-ju,” you said as seductively as you could muster, batting your eyelashes at the man in front of you. It must’ve worked cause you could hear even Armin quietly sputter beside you. Jean hummed as he leaned in closer. “You’re drooling.” 

Jean was brought back to reality by your laughter. He sat upright and muttered something under his breath before focusing on his food. He almost found the laughter that followed yours from Connie and Sasha obnoxiously annoying. 

Your laughter died out as your eyes absentmindedly scanned the room. The room was full of faces you had never seen before. Full of people willing to lay their lives down for humanity. Everywhere you looked, people looked somewhat at ease except for the short man sitting across from the commander. Unlike the others in the room, a smile never graced his lips, just a permanent frown. “Give me a sec,” you announced to the others. 

Jean’s eyes followed yours, and he quietly sighed in annoyance. You shot him a half-apologetic smile before making your way over to the pair. You swiped two cups of tea on your way over, still trying to conjure up what exactly you’d say to either of them. 

Commander Erin was the first to notice your approach, pausing his conversation with Levi so he could look up at you. His piercing ocean eyes stared at you, making you nearly forget why you even went over. 

Your breath caught in your throat as Levi deadpanned to you with an icy stare. He rolled his eyes after a long moment of silence had passed. “Looking for something, rookie?”

His curt acknowledgment made the butterflies in your stomach go wild, filling you with an antsy warmth. You felt childish for getting this nervous around him. What if he doesn’t even remember you? With a steely breath, you calmed your nerves enough to start talking.“Y/n Y/l/n of the 104th Cadet Corps,” you saluted. Erwin nodded in acknowledgment, but Levi continued to stare at you like he was bored. “I- I thought maybe you two would like something to drink—” you set down the cups in front of them, “— I was also hoping I could speak to Captain Levi.”

Levi stared at you, checking you out as discreetly as possible. He was finally able to admire your hair now that it was out of a bun. Your curls were gorgeous, like nothing he had ever seen before. You were gorgeous. He got lost in the thought of being able to run his fingers through your hair, playing with each curl on your head. 

You couldn’t tell if the expression on his face was disapproval or if he was intrigued, but you carried on either way. “I was hoping to be under you.” You grimaced at the slip of my tongue, nervously biting your bottom lip. You desperately hoped that they didn’t notice how your cheeks now felt like they were on fire.

Levi raised an eyebrow, choking on the sip of tea he had taken. You noticed his ear transform into a light shade of pink. Commander Erwin held back an unmistakable chuckle, hiding his smirk behind his cup of tea. “Excuse me?” Levi asked once he finally managed to stop coughing, still unable to get himself to look you in the eye. He was sure it was a slip of the tongue, but that didn’t stop the rush of excitement coursing through his body. He had his eye on you since the first day he met you, and your slip up definitely wasn’t doing anything to help.

“A-apologies, I mean, I want to be part of the Levi squad.” You ignored his disapproving scoff. “I want to help retake wall Maria and eventually see outside of the walls.” You chewed your lip, thinking of what else to say.

His silence was growing more deafening by the second. You were suffocating in it. Any confidence you had quickly died out like a fire without oxygen. 

“You think going against the Titans once and not dying makes you qualified to be part of my squad,” he started in a condensing tone. “You’re not. I won’t make you a part of my squad so that you can go out and get yourself killed.” He didn’t what’d he do if you were to get hurt while being in his squad. Or even worse, he didn’t know how he’d react to having you so close. So he did the best thing for both of you: deny your place on the team.

“Then let me show you why I am qualified,” You interject, finally rediscovering your fight. Did he not remember how you took down the titan when you first met? Sure, you needed assistance, but only because you were out of gas. “Only thing that’ll kill me are natural causes, and I don’t consider those ugly bastards to be a natural cause. I’m going to help reclaim wall Maria even if I’m not a part of your squad.” You nodded at the commander out of respect before taking off back to your seat.

You plopped down in between Connie and Armin once again with an irritated huff. He was so cold, yet you still found yourself wanting more. Maybe that’s what really irritated you about the situation. 

“Take it your talk didn’t go well,” Armin asked sympathetically, cutting into your thoughts.

“Of course not; what’d you think you were doing just walking up to them like that,” Jean scolded you. You could hear the mixture of relief and triumph in his voice, but you said nothing about it.

“Well—” Sasha began as she stuffed her face with whatever food she had leftover, “— she’s not entirely wrong. They are just people. Scary, intimidating, and powerful, but still people.”

“Whatever you said clearly got their attention. Captain Levi has been staring at you since you left,” Mikasa said curtly, silencing any bickering among our group. 

All eyes found themselves on Levi, who carried on his conversation with Erwin. They looked back and forth between you and the captain, trying to piece together what they missed. Eventually, one by one, they lost interest, turning around to focus on their food or whatever new conversation they could create. Even then, his gaze never left yours- watching you through every nod, reply, or sips of tea. You were the first to break the staring contest, jumping back into conversations like nothing happened. 

It became a routine of sorts. You’d spend your days’ training with the others, doing your best to push Levi out of your mind long enough to focus on being the best in each exercise. Each night for the next couple of weeks, you would bring him a cup of tea during dinner. No words were ever exchanged, just stares and a cup. He never even said a thank you, not that you ever really expected one. 

“Why do you keep giving him drinks?” Eren looked at you with genuine curiosity as you prepared to give a cup of tea to Levi. 

You shrugged, unable to think of a real reason why. He never asked for it, thanked you for it, and he barely even acknowledged you for it. Yet you still gave him a cup of tea everyday. You stared at the cup in your hand. The warmth it provided was nothing compared to the warm feeling Levi caused inside of you. Maybe that was the answer. Or perhaps it was to help him look a little less tired. “Guess it’s one of life’s strange mysteries.” You shot Eren a half-hearted smile before getting up and walking over to Levi.

He was seated with the other captains, the four of them speaking in hushed voices despite the room being full of chatter. You had half a mind to turn around out of respect, but you were already close enough for Hange to notice you as they glanced up at the room. 

You probably could’ve still turned around since Levi hadn’t noticed yet. Instead, you hesitantly carried on, keeping your head down. Set the cup down and keep it moving. That was the plan. For once, you wanted to keep my head down, but that plan flew out the window as you felt his fingers brush against yours. You held the side of the cup since you had picked up that Levi only held his cups from above, but there he was. You looked up at him with a hitched breath, completely forgetting the other captains were there. The half-smirk on his face and his fingers still on top of yours made it hard to think, move, or even stand. He looked at you from the corner of his eye and let out a quiet pleased sound at your reaction.

You shared a quick knowing look at each other that didn’t go unnoticed by Hange before Levi moved his hand so you could leave. Hange waited until you and the other captains had walked off, quietly plotting the whole time. “So, you and one of the recruits huh,” Hange asked vaguely. Their eyes were wide with their typical borderline crazy look. Levi’s shrug told them everything they needed to know. This was a rare moment to be treasured. Levi has a crush. Or at least a fixation. “Y/l/n, right? She is quite the cutie. Think I’d have a chance?” Hange noticed Levi’s frown deepen as he sent them a threatening glare. Hange burst into a fit of laughter, “I was only kidding. I wouldn’t steal your crush, I probably could, but I wouldn’t.” Hange chose to ignore the subtle way Levi’s body tensed at the word crush. “Why not go talk to the girl? Y’know, only so much can get done by just staring.” With a supportive smile, Hange walked away, leaving the dining hall. 

“Just ask him out already,” Sasha blurted out with a mouth full of bread. 

You opened my mouth to protest, but Jean spoke first, “she’s not wrong.” He sat across from you and stared at you in discontent. “It’s painfully obvious that you like the man even though you two have barely spoken a word to each other.” His blunt words dripped with venom, but the hatred never reached his eyes. He still had the same tenderness in his eyes like the first time you saw him. If anything, he was hurt more than angry. Jean slid his cup over to you and mumbled under his breath, “guess I can’t judge much, though.”

You held the cup in your hands, watching the liquid slosh around for a moment before taking a sip. “Thank you, Jeanie.” You met his gaze with a shy smile and could see his expression soften a fraction. “I mean it.”

You looked between Jean and Sasha with a confused expression as his face suddenly hardened, and Sasha gaped like a fish at what was behind you. “What?”

“Y/l/n,” a voice piped up from behind you, causing your whole body to freeze.

You looked at Sasha, quietly asking for confirmation. She nodded, her eyes still zoned in on Levi. You cautiously turned around to see Levi standing beside you. You let out a quiet squeak as you clambered to your feet. “Yes, sir, captain Levi.” You gave him a quick salute. 

Levi almost found himself smiling at your sudden formality. It was cute seeing a different side of you. He averted your gaze but quickly looked back at you when his eyes fell on Jean. He was reminded it wasn’t just you at the table. “I need to speak with you.” He didn’t wait for a response as he began heading outside.

You gave the pair an apologetic smile before running off behind the captain. You walked in silence for a while, enjoying the cool autumn breeze blowing between the both of you. “Is something the matter, captain?”

Levi shook his head but remained quiet. The look in his eyes was strangely shy, something you didn’t even know he was capable of. It was almost like he was just as nervous as you were. You pressed the thought out of your head. “T-thank you-,,” he stopped in his tracks and turned to face you, “-for all the teas. I still won’t let you join my squad.”

“I know, that’s not why I do it.” You pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 

Silence enveloped you once again, giving you time to admire his features. He was gorgeous under the moonlight. The little light somehow accentuated his strong jawline to the point where it almost rivaled commander Erwin’s. His usually lackluster eyes sparkled like the stars above. 

Unbeknown to you, he was admiring you just the same. Part of him wished your hair was down again, hoping to see the way your curls frame your face. You had an untouchable innocence in your eyes, the same eyes he always found himself getting drunk off of. He stopped himself once his thoughts began to go back to his first encounter with you, reminding him of how you felt in his arms. You were right, his arm did feel at home around your waist. 

“There’s no point in having any relationship,” Levi eventually said more to himself than to you. “Either of us could die to those bastards at any moment, and I’m probably older than you think.”

You failed to hold back your giggles as a cocky smile pressed in over your lips. “I never said anything about a relationship either, captain. You came to that conclusion all on your own. Who’s to say I’m even interested? Maybe I’m just really nice.”

Levi took a challenging step closer, “You’re not.” The corners of his mouth turned up into a cocky smirk. “I wasn’t born yesterday-.”

“Oh, I know, old man,” you quipped, taking your own step forward. 

“Tch. Dumb brat, a few cups of tea isn’t going to get me to fall for you.”

You closed the small gap between you, leaving barely enough room for the wind between you. Your body yearned to be closer to the warmth that radiated from him. “All your stares say otherwise. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve liked me since we first met, captian.”

He leaned down until you could feel his breath on your lips. Every inch of his body craved you. Against his better judgment, he wrapped an arm around your waist. The air between you was electric, only helping to light every inch of your body on fire. He pulled you flush against him, relishing the feeling of having you in his arms again. It was too much like a dream to him. A dream he felt he desperately needed to wake up from. “It’s a good thing you know better.” With that, he walked away. 

You were left hanging, the cool autumn breeze feeling more like an arctic chill now. You wanted to yell or pull him back towards you, but instead, you stood there mentally throwing a fit like a child who didn’t get their way. 

You took your time getting back to your room, forcing yourself to go to sleep as soon as you sat on your bed. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t relax enough to fall asleep. Levi invaded your thoughts. You weren’t sure when or how, but you eventually drifted off into sleep. 

The next morning you prepped for the 57th Expedition despite the heaviness in your eyes. 

“Geez, you look dead,” Jean chuckled as he helped you up onto your horse. His hand stayed a little longer on your hip than necessary, but you chose not to say anything. He waited until you were completely situated before removing his hand. 

“Yeah, you’ve got more eye bags than captain Levi,” Connie laughed as he hopped onto his horse beside you. 

You rolled your eyes, probably closing them longer than necessary. “Shut up.” You pulled your hood over your eyes, “stop goofing off and focus on the mission. 

“Ah, Y/n, right,” an unfamiliar voice called out to you. Their footsteps quickly approached you, stopping short by the side of your horse. You looked in their direction, greeted by Hange with an eerily cheeky smile. It was like looking at a child with a secret who desperately wanted to spill. “Glad I could catch you.”

“C-captain Hange!” You quickly removed your hood with a bashful smile. “Yes, that’s right.”

Hange’s smile grew wider, causing you to glance at Connie and Jean for some sort of help. “I was told to come wake up a certain brat.” They handed you the steaming cup of tea carefully. 

You tried to hide your blush behind the cup as you drank quickly. It wasn’t the best tea you’ve ever had, but it certainly got the job done. With every sip, you could feel yourself gaining a little more energy to carry you through the day. Your mind wandered to Levi, probably already in his formation. After last night you thought he wouldn’t want to ever talk to you again, yet here he was sending you a cup of tea. You handed back the cup with a thankful smile, “guess he’s a softie after all.”

Hange laughed and shook their head, “I’ve met titans easier to understand than you two. Don’t go dying on him out there, rookie.” With that, Hange left, finding their place in the formation. 

The warmth from the tea didn’t last you long. Things quickly went to shit. It was arguably worse than the Battle of Trost. Everyone knew to wear their hoods to conceal their identities, but they didn’t know exactly why until she showed up. The female titan wiped out forces in the blink of an eye, but no retreat was called. Instead, you were ordered to perch the branches of the Titan Forest, acting as a distraction. Countless soldiers were lost, including all of Captain Levi’s squad except for Eren, before an eventual retreat was called. 

Upon arrival, the scouts were ordered to turn in Eren, but you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to care. Not when you had heard the word of Levi being injured. Your mind went into a frenzy with panic. You just needed to see him. You needed to know how badly he was injured. You needed to see for yourself he was okay. 

Without thinking, you barged into Levi’s quarters, only to run directly into Commander Erwin’s solid chest. You quickly stepped back, muttering various sorries despite the amused sound that left the commander. You didn’t waste any time making your way into the room once Erwin walked off.

“Knocking does exist, brat-” Levi was cut off by you flinging your arms around his neck. He couldn’t do this, not now. He couldn’t let himself indulge in the butterflies in his stomach or the soothing feeling of your embrace. He had just lost his entire squad, and the mission was a disaster. He didn’t have time for this right now. Levi lifted his hands to push you away but stopped short at the quiet sound of your sniffling. 

“I was- I.” You couldn’t seem to find the right words. Part of you wanted to thank him for the tea, while the other wanted to let him know how worried you were about him. You wanted to tell him that as inconsiderate as it might be, all you could do out there was hope he was still alive. Instead, you clung to Levi, your heart pouring itself out through your eyes and onto his ascot. You could feel his rigid frame slowly melting into your embrace.

Levi’s breaths grew labored as the embrace carried on. It was like he could feel all of your emotions, the grief, the relief, the guilt. He felt everything, and it mixed with his own feelings. He forced himself to muster enough strength to gently push you away by the shoulders. He wanted you to be upset, to stop this stupid display of affection that sent his heart into overtime.

“I-I told you already, dumb brat, that I don’t like you.”

“Then stop me,” you whispered with a wavering voice.You were done playing games. The vast number of comrades that were slaughtered by the female titan reminded you just how close everyone was to death. You’d be damned if you died before getting this opportunity. Slowly you closed the distance between your lips until you could feel his breath ghosting over your lips. “Tell me that cup wasn’t from you. Tell me I was alone in hoping you were safe while we were out there.” You hated how your voice was breaking with each statement. “Tell me I’m the only one who’s heart is about to leap out of their chest.” You nervously pressed your lips against his, relishing in his warmth.

Levi responded instantly, kissing you with a bruising force. Desire for you took over every thought until he yearned nothing more than to touch and be touched. He squeezes your hips possessively, pulling you flush against him. He couldn’t tell you any of those things, and you knew it. He sent you the cup at a point of weakness. Even as he fought the female titan, you managed to invade his thoughts until he had half a mind to go look for you. He wanted to protect you with the same ardor Mikasa had to protect Eren. You had somehow seen past his stoic walls, and it only fueled his hunger for you. 

Your hands fumbled with his ascot, stepping back once you set his neck free from it. You watched his eyes darken with an almost lustful look as you wrapped the piece of fabric into a bow around your ponytail. A quiet groan escaped his lips as your lips devoured his now exposed neck. Every nip and open mouth kiss made him weak in the knees, completely forgetting the dull pain in his ankle.

“You’re the only cup of tea I need.” The words fell from his kiss swollen lips before they even registered in his brain.

You broke into a bashful smile, his words stirring up a new kind of giddiness inside of you. “That was the cheesiest yet cutest thing I’ve ever heard.” You halted your assault on his neck to look up at him, “I didn’t think you had it in you. It almost puts my comment about coming close to death so you can sweep me off my feet to shame.” You pecked his lips as his usual annoyed expression returned. “Kinda sounds like you like me, Captain.”

“Get out,” Levi grumbled embarrassedly, causing you to giggle. The sound was equivalent to a clean room, filling him with a sense of pride and happiness. He could feel his ears burning as if someone was holding a flame to them. 

“Not until you tell me if I’m just any cup or your cup.”

“Relationships are pointless,” Levi answered. The look in your eye told him you weren’t going to let him rest until he gave a straight answer. “I’d like it if you were mine.”

You pressed a quick kiss to his lips, “I know. And for the record, I’d like if you were mine too,” you called over your shoulder as you walked out the door. 

You had already left the hall by the time Levi noticed you left with his ascot still tied around your ponytail. His usually private persona was pushed out the window by a sense of pride. You were his and that ascot made it clear as day.

Your new hair accessory and Levi’s suddenly missing ascot didn’t go unnoticed at dinner. Nor did the marks on Levi’s neck that Hange kept eyeing and giggling about. 

Levi could feel a smile threatening to spread across his lips as you walked with him back to his quarters after everyone left the Mess hall. You didn’t even let him go near his desk, carefully pushing him towards his bed as you fussed about him needing rest. Humanity’s strongest soldier was being babied by a brat with a big mouth and a bigger heart. 

Levi chuckled to himself as you climbed into bed with him. He hesitantly allowed you to pull him into your arms. He pressed his forehead against yours as he allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of your fingers running through his hair. He absentmindedly twirled one of your still damp curls around his finger. A comfortable silence filled the room as you both admired each other. You slid your free hand into his, lacing your fingers together. You pressed your lips to his knuckles as you came to the quiet realization that he was going to be your new reason to live. Being beside him felt like a breath of fresh air and you promised yourself you would do everything you could to hold onto him. You were going to see the world outside of the walls with him. 

He didn’t expect it, but your soothing touch lulled him into one of the best periods of sleep he’s had in years. Every time he woke up, you were still there with your hand in his. You made him think of a life outside of this normal. A life with you at his side as his wife and the mother of his children. Levi pulled you closer as he drifted back to sleep. You were going to be the death of him, and in a titan filled world, he couldn’t think of any better way to go.

[grahamcarmen]

was wondering what it would be like if carmen got her own hideout as a VILE agent

WIP [means i'll probably want to overhaul the whole thing on a later midnight]

Edit: 💀 oh no I copy pasted outta order sonofa-

1410-ish words

“With our current line up? With you?” He said, with a tone of cavalier respect and a nod, so she knew it was a compliment “Sounds like the roster is already full.”l, crossing the white tiled floor to the gold balconies. The transparent white curtains above the open glass doors stirred slightly with the wind, a welcome if small relief to the heat that permeated the air even though it was night.

“An old VILE faculty’s base. A welcoming gift from them. Apparently he had a few of these all around the world. He’d tried to keep a few of them private. They got rid of most of them, had them “cleaned” to avoid evidence.”

Carmen stopped at the entrance, gave an exaggerated flourish of her hand as it left the wall before bringing it near her face. Carmen stared at the dust that had gathered on her fingers. She paused, leaning against the frame, before rubbing her fingers to grind the dust off with a frown.

“But this ones all mine now,” She said.

Gray whistled as he took in the house's size. It almost looked like an amphitheater, the way the semi-circle design did its best to accommodate columns, a double staircase, and tall walls to envelope a second floor only a third the size of the house. The rooms still managed to be vast somehow. Empty too save for a few pieces of aging, if expensive, furniture; some bookshelves, fancy globes, and empty picture frames.

“This place is huge. Faculty money really does go far.” He said in an appreciative tone. He walked to the balcony, leaning over the railing to admire the large pool. Soft lights illuminated the bright green leaves littered on the otherwise clean chlorine blue waters.

He turned to make a remark about how the cleaners were slacking only to notice she hadn’t joined him. She was still trying to grind the dust out of her gloves.

“With a bit of work this place...” He trailed off, looking at the slightly ragged curtains blowing and the expensive tiles.

“Thinking of settling down, Gray?” She replied as she finally looked up, the slight amusement in her voice easing him a little.

“Ha, hardly. But throwing a party here wouldn’t be a bad idea eh?” He grinned, expecting her to react positively to the idea. She’d been all work lately. Even her tendency to wander, a habit that exasperated everyone, only ended with new prizes to show off to faculty rather than celebrating with the rest of the team. But here was an opportunity to shake that routine up a bit.

“Work up some lights, install a sound system, invite the gang, and we can be the highlight of the town for the weekend.” He mused lightly, snickering at memories of throwing bashes back in Australia. Broke into a house much like this one with some temporary mates to throw a huge one there too. Best concert he’d played in his opinion. Blew out a few speakers.

She didn’t answer.

“Carmen?”

“Apparently Shadowsan burned one of the other hideouts. Right after he killed Dexter Wolfe.”

“Dexter who?” He raised a brow at her.

“Wolfe. The VILE faculty member who used to live there.” She glanced back inside the house. He followed her gaze to the empty shelves, layered with perfectly even dust.

He leaned back on the railing and watched her glare, like something would appear on the empty picture frames, or disturb the dust, or even just make the room less vast. More emptiness dispelled by the bit of leftover furniture.

Then she was back to her nonchalant poker face. Looking for a challenge in the situation.

“Wolfe was probably hard to find. He didn’t seem to like staying in one place. I wonder how long it’ll take me to find Shadowsan.” She smirked, clearly expecting to beat whatever unknown record Shadowsan had set.

Tigress had given him the story in an outraged burst, Le chevre and El topo with scoffs, and finally the faculty had given him a more calm report of what had happened. For unknown reasons Shadowsan had defected to work with Carmen. They had given her information that should have destroyed their new bond. Shadowsan had killed her father. Instead of falling apart they had instead continued working together, stronger than ever in their efforts to topple VILE.

Carmen wouldn’t have worked with Shadowsan if he’d actually killed her father, he thought, absently rubbing his jaw of a phantom ache. That’s who Wolfe probably was.

“You never did get along with Shadowsan.” Gray replied, thinking of all the times she’d complained to him that Shadowsan was clearly picking on her, the way he went undermining her achievements.

She gave him a confused look.

“I mean, are you still really going to try to show him up? There’s no real point now.”

“What can I say? I like a challenge.” She smiled arrogantly at him.

“And I wouldn’t say never. He seemed to care a lot when I was younger. He only started acting like a prick when I wanted to join VILE officially. “ She said, finally walking over to the railing to where he was.

Gray stared at her now seemingly dispassionate profile as she gave the luxurious pool a glance.

She wouldn’t have just let VILE tell her something like that without getting to the bottom of it. Shadowsan might have constantly acted like a heel to Carmen but there must be a reason she kept him near after. He was probably more important to her than she’d let on. He was probably a better person than he’d let on as well.

“Never heard you talk this much about yourself.” When they’d modified Carmen’s memories Gray had had to offhandedly remind himself that the train hadn’t happened to her. When she’d come back she’d been even less interested in sharing anything about herself. It felt odd to be back to getting fragments of her again.

“...is it?” Irritation dug into her expression, breaking the collected air she kept trying to keep up yet again.

“Carmen, you didn’t even talk this much back at school.” Gray said flatly.

“I’m not as frank as a bored electrician from Sydney. Go figure.”

“Alright then,” Gray said. Drop the subject.

He waved a hand at the house in general. “What are you going to do with it?”

Carmen paused before answering. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing here for me. It’s not like I need my own hideout. “

“Right. Faculty member now.” He said with a frown.

“Hey, you might make it to a faculty seat one day.” She said in a teasing voice.

“With our current line up? With you?” He said, with a tone of chavalier respect and a nod, so she knew it was a compliment “Sounds like the roster is already full.”

She gave an exaggerated grimace and hiss behind her teeth. “Didn’t take you for a quitter, Gray.”

He gave a short laugh. “Thanks.”

She gave him a shrug, her eyes laughing back with him.

Gray felt like shivering despite the heat. It didn’t feel right. None of this.

“What are you planning on doing when you see him again?” He couldn’t help asking. VILE didn’t like loose ends. As skilled as he was, or rather because he seemed involved and he was skilled, Shadowsan would probably get in Carmen’s path now that she was becoming a bigger threat. Or she’d run off to somehow get to him herself.

“Oh, nothing he wouldn’t deserve.” Carmen said, with a dark cold smile.

Carmen spun the keys around her gloved finger before tossing them to Gray, the small gold keys glinting as they landed coldly in his palm. “The place is all yours.”

"Expensive gift." He said.

"You're welcome."

She started for the stairs.

He propped himself of the railing and walked a bit towards him.

“Where ya headed?”

“It’s a faculty thing.” Carmen said proudly, stopping at the top of the stairs.

“Probably won’t need help for this. I’ll catch up with you on some other mission.” She smiled back at him softly.

“Or who knows, maybe the faculty will have another chair available soon.” She raised a brow at him, the soft smile turning into an unfamiliar grin. Expecting him, he supposed, to rise to a challenge.

He looked at her quietly for a moment before he smiled back.

“That’s alright. Got plans for later anyway.”

“Invite me to the party?” She grinned. A more familiar one this time. One that felt...right.

“Not a party, sadly. Mission.”

“For VILE?” Carmen looked at him curiously.

“No. Just some personal business in Iceland.”

[tuiyla]

I'm not the previous anon but just read things on the tags as I went along. I think what they meant with alot of relationships ruining the endgame is something like what they did with Sam. Like they have him be head over heals for Mercedes in season 3 and then turn around and say he was in love with Brittany the whole time. That does cheapen Samcedes relationship to some degree tbh.

Yeah I get that, I think Glee was horrible at balancing whatever current relationship they had the characters in with the bigger picture. I actually think one of the worst examples is the one you mention with Sam. His whole attitude is the reason why I think the way Bram was handled was more detrimental to Samcedes rather than Brittana. The writers really couldn't be bothered to establish proper attraction between them so they just went "and Sam's been into her this whole time." And they even had him say Santana probably sensed it lmao. If it was true and Glee wasn't blatantly lying then yeah, Santana "psychic Mexican third eye" Lopez would have known. But they were lying because Sam was head over heels for Mercedes in season 3, that's undisputable and I hate how lazy the writers were.

I guess what I was trying to say specifically in the case of Brittany's other relationships is that I don't think Bartie or Bram were to Brittana's detriment because Brittany was shown to still care about Santana and they didn't belittle that relationship to elevate other ones, at least not as often as Glee did with other midgames. The only example where I think it did happen was when Brittany said all she thought about was Sam in Shooting Star, but that is kind of a special case and I ignore everything that writer does anyway.

I was reflecting on the particular case of Brittany's relationships because I don't think midgames are inherently damaging to endgames so I just wanted to note that, but I think you're right and I agree, in Sam's case it does cheapen Samcedes. Along with the writers throwing Sam at every available girl, really, because while him having other relationships doesn't automatically make Samcedes less significant, it just does in this case because of the way they wrote it. Boy proposes to everyone he meets, says he's always had a thing for Brittany, and kinda just seems too horny for his own good in season 5A. I still like Samcedes but the overuse of rather extreme emotions and actions with Sam sadly do cheapen Samcedes. Funnily enough I'm good with Samchel though.

I appreciate your perspective, thanks for chiming in!

[maryellencarter]

So the final cause, if I recall my Aristotle (I was terrible at Aristotelian logic, or at least at what the badly illustrated homeschool textbook said was Aristotelian logic), was that my apartment has been growing irregularly more squalorous for months. Occasionally I would have a bout of energy and put my groceries in the pantry, but for the most part I've been doing well to keep up on the laundry. The proximal cause was... probably the coloring books.

Anyway, this morning I put on pants that were not sweatpants, probably for the first time in months, because going to get vaccinated is a festal occasion and one ought to look one's best. (I put on my cute top with the frilly shoulder straps and the little rosettes, too, since I figured it'd be smart to wear something sleeveless. And my combat boots with the pastel tiedye laces, in case of hiking, which also turned out to be smart. I was decked out.)

So then I went and showed a number of people my ID and my appointment email, and they poked me with a timy needle -- not as small as the one they used in the ER for the insulin that time, I didn't even feel that one, but a very nice thin needle compared to my usual standard of needles, which are the ones they use to try and get blood *out* of you, and often fail when you are me. Then they made me sit down for fifteen minutes in case I took an allergy, and then they gave me a lollipop (I got blue cotton candy, my favorite flavor) and a sticker with a hashtag on it and I left.

Then I got to wend my way back from the place where the vaccinations were happening -- it was a big event on the college campus, since they have a lot of nice big rooms and wide open spaces there -- and it happened I was coming back from a direction I do not usually wend my way from, and I dropped into Michaels. Usually I go to Joann's, because they have fabric, which Michaels doesn't, and Michaels is generally a bit froofier in the sorts of craft supplies they stock at least locally, but the Michaels and the Joann's are right across the street from each other, and I still haven't heard anything about my special order on the floss color that Joann's was out of. Michaels doesn't have the full range of DMC colors, but I took a look and they did in fact have the color I needed.

Then I wandered around some, because Michaels actually does have a bigger yarn selection than Joann's, and I found some Patons Kroy (my absolute favorite sock yarn for feel and texture) in a colorway I didn't loathe, which is *not* something I've been able to find since they stopped making that one colorway with all the orange and black and gray stripes, which I loved dearly and can't remember the name of. So I was like "this will be just the thing for that one lace scarf I was looking at that needs wool yarn in case it has to be blocked to look right", because knitted lace is like that and you can't block acrylic. You can "kill" acrylic but that's different and I'd rather not.

Um. Anyway. Then I wandered around some more, because I get into Michaels so seldom that it's handy to look at what-all they've got while I'm there. Over the past... week or so I have had a sudden bout of wanting to color in coloring books, because that happens to me sometimes; there was an impulse trip to the Walmart way out in the boondocks on the unlit road for Crayola colored pencils, because I decided I was not going to pay eight times as much for Prismacolors.

(The really infuriating thing about coloring books, in my opinion, is that right now you can either find the kiddie newsprint coloring books which are with us always, of course, or you can find "adult coloring books" which are *in-fucking-variably* filled with horses and lions and whales and other large charismatic mammals covered in what look for all the world like quilting patterns. If I wanted to color a rendition of a quilt filled with tiny stripes and polka dots, I'd get some graph paper! And the dots and lines and so forth are so tiny that you can *only* color them with colored pencils, because that's Adulty.)

(Yes, I know they sell coloring pages on Etsy and places. I've been avoiding the print shop for at least a month and a half now, when if I would put the things on my thumb drive and go to it, I could start getting my student loans out of default. I would never wind up printing coloring pages off of Etsy. No, I don't know why. Print shops scare me, perhaps slightly worse than post offices.)

Um. Where was I? So I had gone way far out to the Walmart nobody goes to which therefore often has interesting things in stock, and I had discovered that Crayola still does the glitter crayons I had coveted as a tiny, and they also make double-ended scented markers, which are like the coolest thing ever to the tiny early-nineties child I still am in my heart. So as of this morning, my kitchen counter was completely covered with... things. There was already the sewing machine and the Dr Pepper that doesn't taste like an old shoe, and the peanut butter and the elephant-shaped porcelain wax-warmer, but there had been a narrow slot where I could put a plate and eat my meals -- my only table having been co-opted a year ago by my workstation. Now that slot was filled with various Crayola products and a coloring book with mermaids in it, which at least had a few pages that could be colored partly with markers or crayons, instead of being entirely minced into geometric shapes barely larger than a pencil lead.

SO, what happened after I got vaccinated and found yarn and floss, is that I found out that Crayola still makes the *pearlescent* crayons I coveted even more as a kid. I had gotten one in a little sample pack included with my big 64-box, and it was very precious to me. It's long gone now, of course.

So of course then I bought the pearlescent crayons, and then I bitched at Leia for a while about how I didn't have any coloring books I could use these wonderful crayons *on* unless I wanted to go back to the Lisa Frank newsprint of my youth. (They did actually have Lisa Frank. I strongly considered it. But my tastes have evolved beyond newsprint.)

Then I googled some things, and I found Walmart listing a Crayola mandala coloring book. I went to look for it, and I didn't find it, but I did find a different coloring book with "stained glass" style pictures (sadly not on actual tracing paper, but it occurs to me that if I could source some tracing paper, which it further occurs to me that I haven't seen in years although admittedly I haven't been looking, that I could *trace them* and color them and tape them on my windows like the tacky '90s kid I am), which GLORY HALLELUJAH has spaces big enough to fucking color in!

...Michaels also had neon and metallic Crayola crayons. I might go back. They were 24-packs of each. The single silver and gold crayons from my mom's 64-pack were pretty much only used for Easter eggs in our house, so as not to use them up. I just -- I have a wealth beyond imagining of special effect crayons and markers available to me, and I'm struggling to find anywhere to use them. This seems backwards.

So anyway, then I also found a cute sundress big enough to go over my ass, and then I sat in the furniture section for a while and pondered buying a new table so I wouldn't have to keep stacking coloring books on top of the peanut butter jar in order to eat, and it occurred to me that if I took down my Christmas tree, which I've had up since the Before Times (having gotten it from in fact the same Walmart east of anywhere after all the rest in town were sold out of the particular model), then I would have a space along the back of the kitchen counter where I could hypothetically put a table.

So, because I am a sensible and moderate individual, I bought a thing of string to tie up the Christmas tree branches with, and did not buy a table yet. Then it was time for D&D, so I hurried home and put my vaccination card on the fridge and got into the voice chat and started taking down the Christmas tree.

Then it was five hours later, and I had started konmari-ing the whole apartment in order to have somewhere to store the Christmas tree, and I had discovered that my closet shelf was almost entirely full of empty cardboard boxes, so I had pulled all those out and rifled through them to make sure they didn't contain anything important, and after rescuing three cards from a friend and one glasses chamois, I stuffed most of the boxes in a trash bag, jammed the condensed Christmas tree and all the winter blankets and my air mattress and various other wintry things into the giant box my office chair came in, managed to get that giant box up onto the closet shelf (I have some soreness around my injection site but I honestly don't know if it's a side effect of the vaccination or a pulled muscle from wiggling a very large heavy box into a very tight space over my head), and moved the Goodwill oddities into a midsize box that I think I brought my workstation home in, but they just moved the remaining onsite agents into a much smaller room so I don't think I'm going to be asked to bring my workstation back for a while, and when I do go to bring it back I think the monitors will fit nicely in my washtub.

(I'm giving Goodwill my crockpot. After I forgot the garbanzos in it for three days until the chicken broth started to stink, I decided I am not a person who needs to own a crockpot. Also something like eight skeins of rather ugly yarn because I bought too much for the baby blankets I was making.)

(I'm not sure why I own a washtub. It's bright blue and plastic. It does have a use, which is to hand-wash my weighted blanket in occasionally, as of course you can't put twenty-odd pounds of glass baubles in a washing machine.)

(I certainly did make some life choices that led me here, did I not.)

Annnnyway, so now I have an almost empty three-drawer Rubbermaid dresser, an entirely empty and extremely large Rubbermaid tote (I'm pretty sure I could trap myself in there, but I haven't tried), a mostly empty square ottoman which is also a storage box, and a royal shitton of tiny things like office supplies and party favors that don't *go* anywhere.

"A place for everything" is the really hard part, you know. I achieved it once. Then I moved out of that apartment and have never achieved it again. Once things *have* places, then even if you don't have the spoons to put the peanut butter jar back in the pantry right *now*, you know it has a spot between the Hormel and the Chef Boyardee, and it's way easier than "oh god if I open the pantry there won't be any room and I'll wind up putting the peanut butter under the bathroom sink with the Johnnie Walker Black or maybe over the kitchen sink on top of the Thermacare back wraps."

(You're supposed to store whisky upright in a cool dark place, okay. None of the upper cabinet shelves are tall enough, so I could have put it either directly over the water heater or directly next to the oven. Instead it lurks behind the toilet paper, next to the Clorox wipes and the pre-pandemic Lush bath bomb, which I should... probably use at some point.)

Erm. So then I was pondering what-all storage I would need to source in order to begin having places in which to put things, *findable* places which is the real grail, and -- I think I took a pause to read Dreamwidth and someone linked me a plushie trilobite, okay. I haven't yet entirely decided whether to buy it, but it occurred to me that I definitely have no home for a plushie trilobite, any more than for the amazing Zaeed plushie currently trapped under my cross stitching or the Star Wars Build-a-Bear who was supposed to make Ewok noises until three weeks of freeze-thaw cycle in a malfunctioning package locker did for his electronic squeaker, or the poor American Girl doll languishing inside the ottoman.

So then I was like "we used to have that little net corner hammock for stuffed animals when I was a kid, we never could get it mounted right, but perhaps with fewer cooks that would be a good option". So I googled for one, and all I could find was an assortment of JUMBO five-or-six-foot-long double-deep toy hammocks, obviously necessary to keep your child from drowning in the flood of stuffed animals that have taken over beds in the past thirty years.

(Okay, I was pretty toy-deprived as a kid, the 1980s were not in general what you would call a time of less stuff in American households. Still. I have a twin bed. I can hardly even *find* a toy hammock that wouldn't be bigger than my bed in some dimension.)

So then, it being the aforementioned five hours later with a lot of D&D combined with hard physical labor in the middle, I said to myself, said I, "Hammocks are made out of net, and nets are made out of strings." And by god, if there is one thing I'm better at than another, it is making things out of string. I've never actually gotten around to trying out the whole process of making an actual fisherman's net, which is much more closely related to tatting than to knitting, but I have yarn and most of the possible knitting or crocheting supplies I would need to invent things.

Which, at long last, explains why I have paused to write this halfway through creating a triangular filet crochet toy hammock out of sparkly yellow yarn.

Joann's is having a 50% off sale on plastic storage whatsits tomorrow, but I think I'll probably spend a large part of the day putting office supplies into ziploc bags and hanging them in rows on the wall with pushpins so as to figure out what-all I in fact own.

[yatorihell]

In The Darkness Chapter 77 - The Visit

Noragami x Harry Potter AU

Words: 4,582

Summary: The trio visit Godric’s Hollow.

Also available on Yatorihell A03

Winter rolled in and the days blurred into each other.

Yukine’s birthday passed without much celebration – not that they had been keeping tracked of the dates in the first place. During a trip for supplies, they bought a little cake – a decadent rarity in the new travelling life they had – and presented it to Yukine at dinner.

The frustrations had eased lightly, the horcrux now being carried in their pockets rather than around their necks to keep contact to a minimum, but Yato still felt that nag that he wasn’t doing enough. If it wasn’t a glimmer of rubies, a serpent’s eyes, or his own name being whispered like wind in the eaves in his visions, it was Sakura who greeted him. A pallor like death and her face contorted, reaching around his neck before disappearing beyond the veil.

“Can you not see anything?” Yukine prodded.

Yato suppressed a groan. This became the new routine: sleep, see nothing, wake up, get questioned. He could understand the need to pick apart every part of the dreams he had, but there was nothing there.

“No, I can’t see anything,” Yato replied as calmly as he could.

Yukine huffed and fell silent.

The Sorcerer seemed to be stronger at preventing Yato see his memories. If they could work out how to destroy the locket, maybe it would weaken his defences enough to find the other horcruxes.

Yato told himself this daily, a strained belief that the first step was destroying the locket. It would be the second out of Merlin knew how many, but still, how many horcruxes could one person make? How many times could they tear their soul apart and still feel human? He could only hope there was a limit.

“I think I found a lead on how to destroy horcruxes,” Hiyori said later that evening.

Yato looked at her, eyes tired in the dying lamplight. On her lap was that infernal Dark Arts book she read through every evening, seemingly doing more to find horcruxes than he was. In her hands she held the book Professor Tenjin left her, Tales of Beedle the Bard.

Hiyori patted the spot beside her on her bed, and Yato ambled over. Yukine looked on from his spot on the floor where he’d bundled himself in a blanket.

“Look at this,” Hiyori pointed at one of the dozens of marks that had been etched over the book’s pages. A circle within a triangle, crossed through with a vertical line. He blinked at it for a minute, then looked at Hiyori.

“You know I failed Ancient Runes,” Yato said. “’Affinity for failure’, Takemikazuchi said.”

Hiyori shook her head. “It’s not a rune.”

Hiyori put down the book and refocused on the Dark Arts book. She flipped to a page and showed him and Yukine, who had finally risen to see what she was talking about. The same symbol was printed in the top right corner, besides a name in dark lettering. Their mouths fell open.

“Not the Grindelwald? Certified madman purist?” Yukine asked, craning his head to try to read the scribbled writing.

“One of the most dangerous Dark Wizards, Grindelwald believed that wizards were oppressed by Muggles and wanted to return ‘the natural order’,” Hiyori recited.

“Like the Sorcerer,” Yato said.

Hiyori nodded and continued. “He attended Durmstrang, which is famous for its relaxed approach to the Dark Arts, and got expelled for attacking students and… unethical experiments. He became obsessed with the Deathly Hallows, which is what this symbol is.”

Hiyori picked up the Beedle the Bard storybook again and flicked to the front page where they could see the same symbol.

“The Philosophers Stone, the Cloak of Invisibility, and the Elder Wand,” Hiyori pointed at each as she went. “He wanted to retrieve all three and become the Master of Death. He got as far as the Elder Wand before he was captured.”

“Then what?” Yukine asked.

“He disappeared.”

Yukine let out a breath that was nearly a snort. “That’s the Ministry for you, can’t keep hold of the Darkest Wizards.”

“How do the Deathly Hallows help us?” Yato interrupted.

He knew the Philosophers Stone was said to be used to create the Elixir of Life, giving the drinker immortality. Kugaha had revealed his own version which could contain life force derived from a soul vessel, which was the diary Yato had destroyed in the Chamber of Secrets. He doubted he nor the Sorcerer was in possession of it if he had to resort to horcruxes.

The invisibility cloak, well, there were lots of them, even he had one. But the Elder Wand was something obscured in myth, legend, and fairy-tale, like the book in Hiyori’s lap. No one knew who owned the Elder Wand due to the curse of jealousy that came with it; its owners murdered in their beds by others craving its power.

A storybook seemed an unlikely answer to destroying horcruxes, but Hiyori was thinking of the bigger picture.

“It’s not the Hallows we need, it’s the name,” Hiyori put down the book and folded her hand on her lap like she was about to reveal the biggest revelation in the world. “Grindelwald had family in Godric’s Hollow.”

Yato flinched inwardly at the village name, but it went unnoticed. Hiyori looked at them expectantly, but the penny still hung in the air.

“How does that help us?” Yukine prompted.

“Grindelwald’s symbol was in this book. Grindelwald was from Godric’s Hollow,” Hiyori paused for a moment, still seeing their blank faces.

“What if Professor Tenjin knew that he couldn’t give you the sword? What if he hid it somewhere we could find it, using the gifts he gave us?”

“The Sword of Gryffindor is locked up in Hogwarts,” Yato pointed out.

“But is it the real sword?”

Yato and Yukine paused. It was a longshot, but would Professor Tenjin have the foresight to know that the sword would be kept from them?

“Where would we find it?” Yukine asked.

Hiyori’s face fell just a fraction. “I don’t know…”

“It’s a start at least,” Yato encouraged. “You found a clue!”

Hiyori smiled gently. “Thank you.”

Yukine picked his blanket up from the floor and crossed back to his own bed. “Let’s just hope we don’t get snatched before we find it.”

~

The next time they had stopped for supplies was in the midst of a snowstorm.

They left their camp wrapped in hats and scarves to hide their faces and apparated. When they emerged in a sleepy village that was covered in snow, Yato recognised it instantly. The houses they passed were decked in wreaths, the front room lights glowing warm and making them silently wish that they had the luxury of a home to go back to.

Godric’s Hollow was mainly a wizarding population, and visiting wasn’t a risk they would take if there wasn’t something important hidden within.

The main thoroughfare of the village was quiet aside from the drunken cheers from the pub further down the road, but Yukine pulled his scarf around his mouth and entered the shop alone. Whilst they would apparate together, going in shops alone was one way of making sure Snatchers and snitches wouldn’t recognise three of the wizarding worlds most wanted huddled around cans of soup.

Yato looked wistfully up the road, heart hammering and mouth dry. He hadn’t been here since that day, and the knowledge of that made him feel sick.

“Do you want to visit her?”

Yato snapped his head back. Hiyori had pulled her pink scarf from around her mouth by a finger, looking at him with soft eyes. He looked back, through the snow where he could just make out the church tower standing out against the sky. Maybe the horcrux was playing with his heart, feeling its erratic beat on the underside of the locket, but pulsating need to go was enough to move him.

He nodded.

They walked silently from the shop, not bothering to let Yukine know where they were going. But either way, anyone who knew Yato would know the first place he would go, for this village just so happened to be where Sakura was laid to rest.

The church dominated the sky as they entered through the small metal gate that had become stuck open in a snowdrift. The stain-glassed windows glowed dimly, and a faint noise could be heard from inside, but they turned left and followed the hidden pathway that skirted the edges.

The small churchyard was where they had erected a headstone and said their own private mass for those who knew Sakura. Yato remembered Professor Tenjin, Kofuku, Daikoku, and nameless faces gathered around the plot of earth that held no coffin, laying late-blooming cherry blossoms atop the grass and saying their final goodbyes.

Now Yato could see that those branches were long gone, cleared away by the groundskeeper probably not too long after the funeral. A thick layer of snow capped the black stone, the golden words not quite faded yet like the memory of her voice. The flowerpot was blackened with dirt and the rainwater inside surely frozen, not that there were flowers to begin with.

They looked at the gravestone in silence, allowing the snowflakes to settle on the sleeves of their coats and star their woolly hats in multitude of fading constellations. The ringing of bells sounded behind them, and slowly, a gentle hum of singing reached them across the barrenness of forgotten souls.

“I think it’s Christmas eve,” Hiyori said gently.

Yato said nothing, just stared at the marble that listed Sakura’s name, birth and death. Underneath were the words that named her sister, friend; that was all the monument that her life held.

Hiyori quietly stepped forward and knelt on the frosty ground before the headstone. Wordlessly she waved her wand in a circular motion, a cherry blossom wreath appearing against the grave.

Yato smiled sadly at the small yet great gesture as she stood up and stepped back beside him. His hand caught hers in a silent thank you, which she squeezed in return and leaned her head against his shoulder. Maybe this was the closure he needed to clear his visions.

“Happy Christmas, Hiyori,” Yato murmured.

“Happy Christmas, Yato.”

They stayed like that for a moment longer, lingering in the comfort and warmth they gave each other. Yato’s eyes flickered up to the dark churchyard railings that divided the living from the dead. In the dying snow flurry, he could see a figure stood in the road directly facing them.

At first he thought it was Yukine, allowing them a moment's privacy to remember Sakura, but the figure was too short and had an unnerving aura to it. Yato tightened his grip on his wand but looked away, pretending he hadn’t seen the stocky figure.

“Someone’s watching us,” Yato murmured quietly, looking to the left beyond Hiyori at the rows of wonky headstones.

She looked at him, eyes wide under snowcapped lashes before she subtly looked to the railings. She frowned, her breath fogging in front of her. “Isn’t that Iwami?”

Yato allowed his eyes to slide over again, but the figure was already retreating. From a distance he couldn’t be sure, but the white tufts of hair and the small, hunched build under the coat could’ve been him. He was one of the oldest members of the Order of the Phoenix, serving alongside Tenjin in the First Wizarding War, yet he hadn’t been seen since Kofuku told them about members going missing before Tenjin’s death.

The figure stopped and looked back but continued down centre of the abandoned road.

“I think he wants us to follow,” Yato murmured. Could Hiyori be right? Was the Sword of Gryffindor hidden here all along, in Tenjin’s birthplace and already in the Orders possession? Had Iwami stolen away with it, keeping it safe under Tenjin’s orders?

Hiyori looked back up the road towards the shop. “We should wait for Yukine -.”

“It’s ok, Iwami is in the Order,” Yato cut in. He took Hiyori’s hand and started up the path towards the exit, heart beating harder.

Iwami was nearly a smudge in the snowfall, but their paces quickly caught up to him outside a derelict house on the outskirts of the village. The windows had been shattered and the door hung from its hinges, letting a small snowdrift pile up in the hallway. Bits of debris that seemed to have been thrown from the windows were strewn across the front garden and covered in a thick layer of snow.

Iwami shuffled inside, not looking back as Yato and Hiyori hung around the gate. He disappeared into the shadows of the house, not bothering to turn on any lights. They stood outside for a moment, wondering why he hadn’t greeted them nor invited them in.

“Should we go in?” Hiyori whispered.

A groaning came from inside, and Yato nodded. “He said come in.”

Yato led the way inside the house, stepping over the frozen post that had piled up on the floor and been obscured by snow of the same colour. He could tell that this wasn’t Iwami’s residency due to the smell of something foul and the moulting interior. The furniture was broken and the lightbulbs had been smashed in their holdings, leaving them in pure darkness.

Yato’s eyes adjusted and he saw Iwami’s stout, hunched figure at the bottom of the stairs. He didn’t look quite right; all shadows and lines in his face and a gait that told them he was at the end of his days. He spoke again, and Yato’s ears attuned to his speech.

“Is it here?” Yato asked quietly, matching his tone. “The Sword of Gryffindor? Professor Tenjin -.”

Iwami spoke again, a rasp that barely reached Hiyori’s ears. He turned and started up the stairs, footsteps thumping slowly and methodically with every step.

Yato looked back at Hiyori for a second and followed him.

The stairs were narrow and steep, and Yato feared Iwami may fall back at any moment, but they made it to the top of the stairs. None of the rooms Yato could see had doors, leading to gaping abysses of foreboding darkness that were barely illuminated by the streetlamp outside. He followed Iwami inside the front bedroom, wand pressed to his side.

There was a moment of silence. Yato waited patiently, but still he could feel the steady thrum of his heart against the locket, an unpleasant and agitating feeling.

“You are Yato.”

It was a statement, not a question, but Yato nodded regardless. “Do you have something for me?”

Iwami close his eyes and Yato felt an uncomfortable prickle run over his body. The horcrux jerked against his skin and the world swam in a hazy shadowed blur. Before him, Iwami’s mouth opened and his eyelids fluttered, his eyes rolling back in his head as a long tendril pushed out from his mouth. The sound of scales slithering within skin filled the room, and in the distance, he heard Hiyori scream.

The body collapsed to the floor and a serpent spilled from its mouth, slick with salvia glistening against the black scales. The same snake he saw in his visions; the same one that he saw in his bedroom at Hogwarts.

In the time it took for Yato to raise his wand the snake struck his arm, puncturing the skin through his coat.

Yato gasped, somehow keeping a grip on his wand, as its tail slammed into his stomach, a coil of muscle that sent him staggering back towards the door. He heard footsteps on the stairs, unable to call out to Hiyori and tell her to get out. The tail lashed against his ankle and Yato fell with a pained grunt. He felt the coils of scales encircle him, muscular and heavy as the serpent’s head slithered up his chest. The horcrux thrummed harder against his chest as if beating in time with the flickering forked tongue.

“Yaboku…”

Yato felt his vision darkening, arms held tight against his chest, wand useless.

The snake's head darted up suddenly, fangs bared in a hiss as a spell rippled over its body. Its body convulsed and loosened, and Yato gasped, kicking his legs free and coughing. He saw the snake's body in the darkness strike at Hiyori, heard her shriek as she dodged it and flung another spell at it.

Red light briefly lit up the hallway as the snake was flung backward and narrowly missed Yato as he stood. If there was a door he would’ve slammed it shut, but instead, he watched the snake flip over the suit of skin and come at them again with renewed vigour.

Yato raised his wand, arm aching with what he hoped wasn’t poison, and bellowed, “Confringo!”

Yato threw himself over Hiyori, shielding her against the wall. The bedroom exploded. The shattered glass on the floor bounced around the room, the furniture reverberated and splintered, and in the din, they heard the snake scream.

Yato’s head split open with white noise, an unbearable searing pain against his heart forcing the world to go white as snow and then black as night.

~

Feet walking barefoot through rivers of blood on white marble. The steady drip of crimson running from a hand, splattering on the floor like blooming roses.

A long, elegant black wand. The word ‘Nagini’ whispered like a prayer in the language of snakes.

The feeling of ripping a soul apart and simultaneously taking one for a perverted act of Dark magic.

A woman with long dark hair crying, a ring on her finger that looked so familiar yet unfamiliar as it still contained her lover’s soul.

The locket. Grindelwald's mark. A two-handled goblet he’d seen in multiple portraits at Hogwarts. 

The serpent’s eyes, yellow and glowing like a Basilisk.

~

Yato came to with a start. He was in the tent, in his own bed. His coat and jumper had been peeled off and the duvet was tucked around him. From the still air, dim lamplight, and the lack of warmth in the tent, it could have been the middle of the night. A sheen of sweat trickled down his face. His sudden movement brought Hiyori to his side instantly, closely followed by Yukine. His eyes focused in the dim yellow glow as the lamp was brought to his bedside.

“What happened?” Yato croaked.

“You blacked out at the house,” Hiyori answered. She held a sponge in her hand, and Yato noticed the small cuts on her face where he failed to protect her from the glass. “Yukine heard us from the churchyard and came running. We apparated out of there before the snake woke up.”

Yato looked at Yukine, dazed. From the look on his face, Yukine was more worried than he was pissed off, but the fact that fear outweighed anger scared him.

“How long was I out?” Yato asked.

“Hours, it's nearly morning,” Hiyori dropped the sponge into the bowl of water next to the bed.

“We couldn’t get the horcrux off you,” Hiyori continued. “We had to use a Severing Charm to get it off you; it was like touching fire. And the snake bit you, so I put some salve on them.”

Yato gingerly pushed down his duvet just enough to see an angry red burn in the centre of his chest, right above his heart. His knuckles were white and cut, and the punctures in his arm weren’t as deep as they felt. No doubt the rest of his was as battered and bruised as he felt. He remembered the pulsating beat of the horcrux that he mistook for his own heartbeat, the jerking thrum it made when he was in close contact with the snake. It was as natural as it was agitating.

“Where is it?” Yato looked around, less desperately than he might’ve had if it hadn’t maimed him.

“In the bag. We’ll leave it there for a few days.”

Yato flopped back onto the bed and closed his eyes. “That was the same snake that attacked Daikoku in the Department of Mysteries.”

He opened his eyes again and stared at the canvas, feeling Hiyori’s and Yukine’s eyes intently on him. “I think it’s his pet – ‘Nagini’.”

He tasted the name on his lips. It was foreign to him, and although the thought of the most powerful Dark Wizard in the world having a pet was unthinkable, it was less so knowing that this was the kind he had.

“Iwami…” Yato asked questioningly, looking at the pair, but Hiyori shook her head.

“Dead in the cupboard.”

“It must’ve used him as a skin to lure us to the house,” Yato sighed. He dragged a hand over his face.

In his desperation to get the sword, he put Hiyori’s life at risk. He wasn’t even sure it was Iwami until he had them in the house and nearly butchered them. Even then, he hadn’t been seen in nearly a year – he was one of the members who had gone missing, presumed dead or defected. Now they knew what had happened; the Sorcerer was using their own against them.

“What was he saying to you?” Hiyori asked.

Yato pushed himself up and accepted the fresh t-shirt Yukine offered him. “What do you mean? You were there.”

“You weren’t talking English,” Hiyori countered. “It was just…”

“Hisses?” Yukine finished. They both looked at him and he offered a single shrug. “Yato speaks parseltonuge; it’s how he found me in the Chamber of Secrets. He sleeptalks it too.”

Yato rubbed his head again, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. He hadn’t spoken parseltongue in years, but he didn’t even realise he was speaking it when he talked to Nagini. It came so easily, like slipping into another skin and talking with an old friend. Once again, the name Yaboku was spoken in a sweetly sinister hiss that was all too familiar.

“Did you have a vision?” Yukine asked, but this time the question didn’t annoy Yato. He paused.

“I saw him.” The footsteps in blood, the wand, the voice – it was all the Sorcerer. And those flashes – Izanami wearing the ring horcrux, a two-handled goblet… “I saw his memories.”

Yato briefly described the vision, along with the new information about the goblet. Yukine frowned. “That sounds like Helga Hufflepuff’s goblet.”

It clicked into place as soon as he said it. He’d seen her portrait at Hogwarts, most recently in the Hufflepuff dormitories when he got love-potioned. A golden goblet encrusted with jewels and etched with a badger was held in her hands as she looked at him disapprovingly.

“How can that be a horcrux? Hufflepuffs cup went missing years ago, along with Ravenclaws Diadem,” Hiyori pondered.

“We know he attended Hogwarts. I wouldn’t be surprised if they went missing around the same time he left, or he was able to get in using a Vanishing Cabinet to steal them,” Yukine pointed out, folding his arms over his chest. “If that’s the case, he had possession of all the founder’s relics.”

They fell silent. Godric Gryffindor’s sword which had been withheld from them and was now lost. Helga Hufflepuff’s cup was now a horcrux. Rowena Ravenclaw’s diadem had been also been lost or stolen. The Chamber of Secrets and the Basilisk was Salazar Slytherin’s ‘gift’ to Hogwarts, and was now dead. It seemed to be a personal vendetta if the Sorcerer was using Hogwarts’ own founding relics against them.

“Did you see where it was at least?” Yukine asked, but Yato shook his head in silence.

Hiyori’s thoughts cut the silence again with fresh fear. “How did we get traced again? Just like the café, something happened and they found us. Only this time they were more careful about the execution.”

Or lack of, Yato thought, but he had a point – something happened and they were followed. No one could follow their apparations unless they touched them, and if they had been sighted, Snatchers would’ve got to them before they could escape.

Yato let out a frustrated huff. “I don’t know how we were followed, but we should get going.”

“What about the sword?”

“They probably got to it before us.”

Yato kicked the duvet free, happy to see they’d left his trousers on unlike his shirt, and swung himself out of bed. He winced at the bruises on his side and nearly kicked over the water bowl on the floor before Yukine caught his elbow. Yato let out a wheezed laugh. It had been a while since he’d taken a beating; he was getting soft if a snake could get the best of him.

“Don’t suppose you know a spell to fix broken ribs?” Yato half-heartedly joked, though the thought of protruding ribs was something that could become a possibility. He looked at Hiyori and caught the secret look that passed between her and Yukine.

Yato’s smile slipped. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s another problem,” Yukine said slowly, but the words alone were enough to have a wave of assumptions wash over him in a second.

Yato looked at Hiyori, expecting her to reveal a fatal snake bite she was concealing for his own sake, or that he did indeed have broken ribs. Her eyes snagged on his and she bit her lip.

“My wand broke… when the spell bounced,” Hiyori murmured.

Yato’s heart sank. His spell blew up the room Hiyori’s wand with it – her first and only wand. His mind raced for an answer as he held her gaze, but there was none – a trip down Diagon Alley was out of the question.

Hiyori was unarmed.

~

They moved camp later that day, setting up somewhere in the south where there was little to no snowfall and remote enough that they would be found.

Yato found himself more alert despite his injuries, hyperaware that Hiyori had no way to defend herself. They listened to Kazuma’s radio show; first the list of the dead and snatched, then the true news updates about the Ministry. Kazuma revealed that the Sword of Gryffindor had been relocated from Hogwarts after a failed robbery, but it only disheartened them more to know it was well and truly out of reach. They pushed their stew around their bowls, lost in thought.

When night fell, Yato realised the world had shifted.

After that night in Godric’s Hollow, a silent agreement was made to share each other's company as the winter nights grew longer and colder, and the nightmares of serpents, rotting corpses and death slithered into their dreams.

Yukine pretended not to notice the first time when Hiyori sniffled and quietly slipped out of bed in the dead of night, thinking that he was still asleep. She tiptoed across the creaking wooden slats to Yato’s bed for solstice, finding the single duvet flipped already open for her to crawl in beside him. Her shivering only stopped when she curled up against him and his arm draped over her side, thumb rubbing small, gentle circles on her back as he coaxed her back to sleep.

Twinned with the warmth radiating from under his t-shirt and the steady beat of his heart, dreamless sleep eventually claimed Hiyori. Her fingers loosely clung to his bed shirt as she nuzzled into the deep smell of the boy that held her even closer than he would if she were awake.

When sleep finally claimed Yato, for the first time in weeks there was no vision.

[troutfishinginmusic]

The story of Grass Records: From Brainiac to Wind-Up and Creed

                                                              Images via Grass of ’96 compilation 

Everything isn’t available in the streaming era. There are notable gaps in the seemingly bottomless amount of music currently available. Some of the most noticeable exclusions are albums released on Grass Records.

If you’re a fan of ’90s indie music, this short-lived New York label mattered. Though sometimes dismissed as a sibling label to Homestead Records, Grass released over 60 full-length albums ranging from pop to punk to noise to experimental music. It raised the profile of influential bands like Brainiac, Toadies and the Wrens. 

The amazing thing about the label is how consistent it is. Every time I thought I was done with this article, I would listen to a band like Baboon and be completely blown away. These are all fascinating, idiosyncratic bands. This is more incredible considering the label was only around for about four years.

Much of this music is hard to find. The odd song might be lingering on YouTube, but you’re almost better off looking at your local record store or ordering from Discogs.

Why are the albums in this weird limbo? Mostly because the monied interest who bought the label in 1996 thought it wasn’t yielding a big enough return on the investment. Grass was gutted and rebranded into post-grunge/nu metal giant Wind-Up. Money poured in and these wonderfully weird records were swept to the side.

The following interviews were conducted via email, Facebook messenger and phone over the last few months. Quotes from the interviews have been edited for style/clarity. I’m eternally grateful to everyone who got back to me. I am also willing to expand this story if more former Grass artists want to reach out. If you’re one of these artists, my email is at the bottom of this story.

Seedlings

“I started in the music business purely by chance,” said Camille Sciara, who founded Grass Records.

Sciara got her start working at Record World in New York as a second job and became friendly with the store’s buyer. After attending a manager training program, she moved on to become a manager of the store. Her second job became her first.

“Then, after two years there, I became bored managing a record store and my friend Mike, the buyer, told me about Dutch East India,” Sciara said. “I started there as a salesperson and, after a year of sales, became the buyer when that position opened up. I never envisioned starting a label.”

While working as a buyer at Dutch East India Trading a friend sent her a Toadies cassette. She “loved it” and started Grass in 1993 to release it.

Grass released the Toadies EP Pleather soon after, which contained an early version of the band’s inescapable alternative hit “Possum Kingdom.” After Pleather, the band scored a major label deal with Interscope. The platinum-selling Rubberneck arrived in 1994.

“They did really well on their first major release,” Sciara said in an email interview. “But then it appeared that Interscope just dropped the ball or lost interest. They were such a great band live, I never understood how they weren't huge stars. And super cool people.”

Tall grass

Sciara would go on to sign unique and influential bands like Brainiac and The Wrens.

“Since I had never run a label before, I was going purely on how much I liked what they submitted,” Sciara said. “Obviously not the best business model for running a label, but for the money we offered it worked to some respect. The longer I ran the label, the more I understood what was needed from them [the bands] regarding can they tour etc.”

There were few bands of the 90s that radiated weirdo energy as brightly and brilliantly as Brainiac. The documentary Transmissions from Zero chronicles the significant impact the band had on the music scene at the time. It also shows a band on the brink of mainstream success. Brainiac released two albums on Grass, Smack Bunny Baby and Bonsai Superstar, before departing for Touch & Go. The band’s forward motion was sadly cut short by Tim Taylor’s death in 1997. Prior to this, Interscope was expressing interest in the band.

“If Tim hadn't passed I'm pretty sure they'd have been the biggest [band on the label],” Sciara said.

Original Brainiac guitarist Michelle Bodine said Grass’ association with Dutch East India made the label initially attractive.

“[Camille] was super excited about us and we had total creative freedom,” Bodine said. “We also liked the 2-record deal with the option of 3 contract.”

After leaving Brainiac, Bodine would go on to play guitar and sing in O-Matic. The band released its lone album Dog Years in 1996. The album is one of the overlooked gems of the ’90s.

The Wrens’ influence reverberated in more subtle ways. The band’s first two albums, Silver (1994) and Secaucus (1996), provided a blueprint for much of the post-Pixies landscape of ’90s indie rock. They could’ve been much bigger, but still made a significant impression.

“The depth of realization in this record is unparalleled: every angle is perfected,” Pitchfork founder Ryan Schreiber said about Secaucus. The band’s third long awaited album, Meadowlands, dropped in 2001 and received a “Best New Music” tag from the same publication.

Rumblings of a follow-up to Meadowlands have been thrown around for the last 10 years, but a record has yet to materialize.

The level of talent the label had was staggering. A few groups Sciara thought would be bigger ranged from the Irish dream-pop band Chimera to Georgia punk band Sunbrain. “There's more, it would be long list,” Sciara said.

New shoots

Baltimore

Baltimore punk band Liquor Bike had released one album before signing a two-record deal with Grass. The band’s first release on the label was Neon Hoop Ride in 1993. Liquor Bike was excited to be on the label because of the Homestead Records connection.

“We loved being on Grass, we toured like crazy,” singer/guitarist David Koslowski said. “We had great booking with Creature Booking.”

Between the booking agency, which had done work with Nirvana, Helmet, the Lunachicks and Jesus Lizard; and the new label things were looking up for the band. The band would have posters up in whatever towns they were playing in and mentions in the local paper. The label would keep them up to date if they had to do things like impromptu radio interviews. When they got off the road, they entered the studio to record The Beauty of Falling Apart. During this time Alan Meltzer, who bought the label from Sciara in 1996, entered the picture.

“At the onset we were pretty psyched because this guy’s got major label distribution,” Koslowski said.

It also helped that Sciara stayed on after the transition.

“We could still work with Camille, who we love,” Koslowski said. “We slept at Camille’s house when we would play up in New York. She’s an amazingly nice, sweet person and very giving.”

Koslowski said the band was given significantly more to record the follow-up based on buzz the band was getting at the time. J Robbins, of Jawbox and Burning Airlines fame, did the cover art and Drew Mazurek produced the album. The band even hired John Lay, who had previously worked with Squeeze, to manage the band.

“By that point we were having decent guarantees,” Koslowski said. “Those two years when I was on Grass I barely worked a real job. I wasn’t making a rockstar living or anything, but I was certainly able to pay my rent and utilities.”

Liquor Bike went on tour with Gas Huffer to promote the forthcoming record. On the tour Koslowski noticed there weren’t posters out and the band didn’t receive write-ups in the local press. To make matters worse, they never received CDs of The Beauty of Falling Apart to sell at shows. Koslowski said Grass had promised this.

“We were pretty confused," Koslowski said. “I mean our record had been mastered already, everything had been sent to the factory.”

Lay soon informed the band Sciara had been fired and the band had been dropped. Koslowski said the band decided to stay on the tour even after being kicked off the label. The band had old records and T-shirts to sell. They had put a lot of work into the tour and didn’t want to waste it.

Liquor Bike eventually released its third album on Merkin after failed meetings with Amphetamine Reptile, Columbia and Interscope. It was the band’s last before the members went their separate ways.

Seade was another band on on Grass that was unfortunately overlooked. Their lone album (Perf) is an underrated ’90s classic.

Prior to Meltzer, Koslowski said that he didn’t think there was any favoritism toward any one band despite the label being so prolific.

“I just think the woman loved music and wanted to spread that out to people,” Koslowski said of Sciara. “I think she legitimately wanted to help people, you know, help these bands out. She was nothing but giving.”

Omaha

Mousetrap, an Omaha-based punk band, hoped to initially get a deal with Homestead when it sent in two 7” singles.

“Camille really liked our singles and got in touch with us.” Patrick Buchanan, Mousetrap’s singer/guitarist said in an email interview. “We developed a great relationship with her, and eventually she offered to sign us — we were given the opportunity to sign either with Homestead OR with Grass, which was a brand-new label at the time.”

Buchanan said the band thought it would possibly get overlooked in Homestead’s large stable of well-established bands and decided to sign with Grass.  He also said Sciara made a large difference.

“Camille was one of the coolest people we had ever met in ‘the business’ – she just seemed really genuine, straightforward and honest,” he said. “Those are the types of people we wanted to work with. So our relationship with Camille was probably the main thing that made us sign with Grass.”

Mousetrap would go on to release three albums on the label, starting with Cerebral Revolver in 1993. The band was a big influence on Commander Venus, an Omaha band featuring a young Connor Oberst.

“They were definitely a big deal in Omaha and everybody loved them,” Oberst said of Mousetrap in an episode of the Turned Out a Punk podcast earlier this year.

Commander Venus came in contact with Grass through Mousetrap. The band signed to the label when Oberst was only 14. The band also featured Rob Nansel, who would go on to co-found Saddle Creek Records. Oberst said the band recorded its first album, Do You Feel At Home, in 1995.

“That was a good experience and a learning experience,” Oberst said. “I also think it kind of made it more apparent that even if you do get an opportunity like that, you know, you’re a little fish in a big pond. And maybe people aren’t going to work as hard or care about it.”

He said that this was mitigated by having the support system of a local scene in Omaha. The band ended up releasing its 1995 debut on Lumberjack, which later became Saddle Creek. The band released one more album, The Uneventful Vacation, before Oberst formed Bright Eyes.

Promoting growth

Alan Meltzer came into the picture with a retail background. He had previously owned Titus Oaks Records in Long Island. He went on to found CD One Stop in 1985, which was purchased by Alliance in 1993. Meltzer became Alliance’s president during this time but left the company in 1995. Meltzer acquired Grass in 1995 from Dutch East India Trading (the label’s owner/distributor), finalizing major label distribution through BMG in 1996.

“When I heard the Grass repertoire, I almost fell down,” Meltzer said in a 1996 Billboard Magazine article. “I heard so much good material.”

“Alan was shopping around looking to purchase an established label with an extensive catalog that he could pour endless money into,” Sciara said. “He originally wanted Homestead Records. A great label owned by Dutch East as well. But once he saw the contracts and issues with some of the ‘grey’ areas in them, he then moved on to Grass.”

Meltzer did have some legitimate interest in the label as an artistic venture.

“He absolutely was obsessed with the Wrens once he heard them and Commander Venus,” Sciara said. “He was sure with all his resources, money and big ass staff he could make them huge stars. He failed. Not the bands’ fault.”

Grass would have the name (and credibility) of an indie, but the corporate reach of a major. Meltzer looked at the new situation as the best of both worlds.

“We’re not a major label, but we’re not an undercapitalized, disorganized independent that’s out there on a wing and prayer,” Meltzer said. “We’re somewhere in the middle. We’re staffed, we have the organization, and we’ve got the know-how. I opted for major distribution because the majors are better at it.”

Grass kept Sciara on as a VP of A&R (artists and repertoire) and expanded Grass’ workforce to 20 in-house employees, according to the Billboard article. The label’s future looked bright. Bodine left Brainiac and formed O-Matic (also signed to Grass) when the change happened.

“…It seemed better – they had a nice office in Manhattan with an open stairwell area and glass walls,” Bodine said. “It was very modern and cool. The budget was much bigger. They hired more people and we felt like we had a good support system.”

“When we went there it felt like money,” Koslowski said.

Koslowski only met Meltzer once at a Grass Christmas party.

“He was a typical New York money guy when I met him,” Koslowski said. “I didn’t get a good vibe. He didn’t have that indie spirit that Camille had unfortunately.”

The meeting didn’t go well.

“I remember drinking a bit and messing with him,” Koslowski said. “I said ‘hey Alan I wanted to see if I could run this by you. You know that new Liquor Bike record we’re working on? We got the artwork but we just wanted to run the title by you and make sure it’s cool. We want to call it Eat My Fuck Asshole.’”

Meltzer and his wife were horrified, according to Koslowski.

Yellowing, patchy

In an oral history with Stereogum, Wrens bassist and singer Kevin Whelan said the band was picking up steam.

“So Secaucus came out and it started to do somewhat well and “Surprise Honeycomb” was starting to get recognized and played on different shows, and we thought that international fame was around the corner,” Whelan said.

And then the call came in.

“He [Meltzer] said, ‘Well, boys, I’m not going to give you any more money. If you don’t sign with me today, it’s over.’ So, I remember, we sat in the van, we looked at the empty gas tank and we were like, ‘Well, I guess we’re not signing, let’s get the credit cards out and see how we can get home.’”

According to the Wrens’ website bio, Meltzer wasn’t pleased.

“[Meltzer], infuriated, commences layoffs of involved record company personnel and vows that ‘the next band to walk through that door will be made famous – at any cost,’” the bio states. “The next band through the door is Creed. Grass Records becomes Wind-Up Records. Creed becomes famous at any cost.”

By the time of the Wind-Up transition, Moustrap had already fulfilled its contract when it released its third album The Dead Air Sound System.

“At that time, Mousetrap was not very active,” Buchanan said. “I think we had become rather disheartened by how much time and love we put into the band, while getting very little recognition on any type of national level. At that point we were physically and mentally exhausted by constant touring and recording, with very little in the way of tangible success to show for it. So we didn’t really have any relationship with the label by the time it became Wind-Up.”

When the label wasn’t as successful as Meltzer thought, he brought in Steve Lerner. This was effectively the end of Grass Records.

“I was let go along with 8 to 10 others when Meltzer brought in Steve Lerner to run the company,” Sciara said. “The new staff felt Grass was too much related to me so hence a name change.”

“With Lerner serving as his right-hand man, the duo transformed Wind-up into a $100 million-plus sales operation with multi-platinum acts like Evanescence and Creed,” a 2007 Billboard article said.

Death, new high-yield crops

Grass was rebranded as Wind-Up, a key player in the nu metal and post-grunge universe, in 1997. Many of the Grass bands were dropped to make room for the likes of Finger Eleven, Creed and Evanescence. Meltzer, who ran the label with his wife at the time Diana, finally found his cash machine.

“I was extremely happy because, although Creed was a mega-seller and saved his label, I wanted nothing to do with that and the direction the label was taking,” Sciara said. “Not knocking it. You need artists like that to sustain a label that had an enormous payroll and nice offices. I totally get it, it’s a business. But I was happy running a small label with smaller contacts and cooler bands that didn't have to compromise their sound to write a ‘hit.’ That’s what he was always looking for.”

The transition to Wind-Up in 1997 did have some overlap with former Grass artists. The second Commander Venus album was released by Wind-Up and Thick (with a later release on Saddle Creek). Pollen, a rough-edged pop-punk act that had released two albums on Grass, dropped Peach Tree on Wind-Up. Baboon’s sophomore album Secret Robot Control was also released in 1997 on the new label.

Slowpoke’s Virgin Stripes, the final vestige of Grass Records, was a co-release with DGC in 1998. The album didn’t break the band, but it’s not a stretch to imagine it could have (especially since it boasted a song as infectious as “Belladonna”). The album retains some of band’s outsider noisy energy, but delivers it in a package palatable enough for the post-grunge crowd. Past this point, Wind-Up focused mostly on its new sound.

Koslowski didn’t initially know Wind-Up was the successor to Grass. One day someone mentioned to him that he was labelmates with Creed.

“I was like ‘wow, OK I guess he got his hit,’” Koslowski said.  

Meltzer died in 2011 at 67. He made headlines by leaving $1 to his chauffeur and $500,000 to his doorman. Bodine saw this as frustrating because of how he left things with other Grass bands.

“He owed lots of bands money so it’s just really fucked up that he didn’t pay them/us. Liquor Bike did get theirs before he died only because they were persistent,” said Bodine.

In 2013 Wind-Up was purchased by Bicycle Music Company with distribution by Concord Music Group. In 2015 the two companies merged to form Concord Bicycle Music. Craft Recordings manages the label’s reissues.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/wZBpr1tDktI

Rare strain

Aside from Brainiac and The Wrens, many of the bands on the label aren’t on streaming platforms. The physical releases on Grass are mostly out of print. A sea of fantastic experimental indie music remains in this gray area. This doesn’t seem to be changing.

“Unfortunately, I haven’t a clue about if there are plans of Wind-Up re-releasing any back catalog,” Sciara said. “It’s sad really. Holding peoples’ artistic work hostage or just ignoring it seems cruel. Hopefully Wind-Up did the right thing and gave them back their masters, rights etc. Or at least license it to someone else to release.”

The three Mousetrap albums are stuck in this place.

“I wish more people had the chance to hear our music, so yeah I wish it was easily available,” said Buchanan. “Sure, we wanted to be popular — but the most important thing for us was that we made the music we wanted to make. We always did things our way — for ourselves, with no regrets. So even if the albums are harder to get, we’ll always have the memories — and those who were there to witness it will, too.”

Liquor Bike’s lawyer was able to secure the master tapes and artwork for The Beauty of Falling Apart with no questions asked. The band also has the master tapes for Neon Hoop Ride.  

“Crazily enough, Grass did not make us buy Beauty of Falling Apart from them,” Koslowski said. “I have heard from some of my fellow Grass artists that they wanted to charge an incredible amount of money.”

Neon Hoop Ride was remastered and briefly available on streaming services. The album was only available digitally and did not get a physical rerelease.

Greener pastures

Following her departure from Grass, Sciara started Ten23 (Oct. 23, 1996 was the day she was fired from Grass). The label released The Wren’s EP 1135 before folding.

“It seemed like a great idea,” she said. “Didn't put out anything else after that release. It was an expensive endeavor starting a label from scratch, so to speak, and at the time I was unemployed.”

From there she went on to work at the Knitting Factory label group and eventually Narnack Records. She uprooted from N.Y. to move to L.A. to work at the latter. She eventually ended up back in N.Y. where she was a manager at Petland Discounts for 12 years until it closed in 2019.

Buchanan has gone on to release music as Vicious Lovers. Mousetrap has plans to release new music for the first time in 20 years according to Buchanan. Some of Mousetrap’s music can be streamed here:

Michelle Bodine went on to play guitar in Shesus, which was signed to Narnack. The band released an album and an EP before splitting up. Bodine has since been participating in Brainiac reunion shows and was featured in the Brainiac documentary Transmissions from Zero.

David Koslowski went on to play in the post-rock band Vivid Low Sky and the power-pop band Gerty. He currently owns a coffee shop/record store in Baltimore called Baby’s on Fire.

“I loved every aspect of being on Grass, except for the very end,” Koslowski said. “I also loved how diverse Camille had the label. A lot of friends from that time from those bands, I’m still friends with them. It was like a really cool little group of people that all got to share in something for as brief of a time period as it was.”

If you have questions, information or concerns I can be reached at powers3317@gmail.com.

CORRECTION: A previous version of this article spelled David’s last name as Kozlowski. It’s actually Koslowski. Also, J. Robbins just did the cover art for the band’s third album. Drew Mazurek actually produced it. Godplow is a great band but they’re from Minneapolis, not Baltimore.

[kurtty-drabbles]

House of M- Redone

N/A: I think I did a House of M before. One where Kitty helps Wanda and Pietro and that´s cool, but, I had an idea for this au, and well, let´s see if I can do here.

@dannybagpipesarecalling @djinmer4 @bamfoftheundead @muninandhugin 

One thing must be said about professor Katherine Anne Pryde. One of many things if you ask anyone that knows this professor even for one day. The woman takes her job seriously-the school was in dire need of a mutant to teach the history of mutants once proving the teacher wasn´t a real mutant and such employment could cause a scandal- all her 22 students are equal in her eyes.

Now, is important to point out how this school, in Genosha, is not exactly top-notch or elite like as the school where the Princes of Genosha attended- the School Emma Frost owns has all the stereotype images of elite and Emma never shies away- the education system in Genosha is great, but, still Kitty´s school is not an elite. No one in her classroom is a future king, or has omega level powers or is the reincarnation of a great figure- as Kitty never look down at any of her students.

Now! let be register in any record available that Kitty Pryde takes her job seriously. Donning herself with her most comfortable jeans and wearing a white shirt- her Magen David in display and proudly as always- the teacher is counting the heads of her students. "22 as always, thank god. I didn´t lose anyone...for now" Kitty jokes and her students follow along.

"Teacher...what about Larry?" 

"Larry...is our secret" she makes a shush sign and wink at them. A few chuckles happen and now she´s back to the program. "Ok, everyone knew knows what are you looking?" the question has Kitty point directly to the big museum- the words museum is extremely hard to miss- as a few hands raise.

"We´re here to see the story of Genosha and our founders. And to be away from our class" and the other kids' nods. Kitty feels old as she´s not getting the joke nor the memes they´re sharing, well, it doesn´t matter in the end. She´s here to do her job.

"Correct and most important..." her words die-off in her lips and even brains as Emma Frost is climbing down the stairs with her little students- some of them are the princes of Genosha-wearing a smirk hauntingly beautiful for a woman who only wears white.

"Well, well, well. What we have here? a little cat" Emma spares no punches. "A school trip or are you with your kids? Did Piotr finally got his wish?" and Kitty is a professional and she knows that punches the daylight of Emma is a big no(for many, many reasons)

"No, Emma. Thank you for caring. I´m here with my students to see the museum...and I ought to teach all of them the importance of not dress like a whore, something you must teach your students...right, Emma?" she feigns innocence as her big doe eyes transmit nothing but good-will towards another professional.

Emma looks back to see her students equally confused. "We´re going back...oh, Kitty, carefully, the guide´s name is Peter but I heard he´s married already" and she fakes concern putting her hand on her heart as if taking real pity of the situation.

"Ah, thank you for the warning, by the way, Scott always loved and will always love Jean Grey. Had a nice life and try to not be naked on your way back" Kitty states cheerfully as Emma leaves not looking back.

Kitty´s students- Mercury, Rockslide, Pixie to name a few- did a clumsy bow. The future ruler of Genosha is there and while they want to show respect for this future leader, and the kids have many people in their lives hamming this idea into their minds, they aren´t sure how to do the bow. The result? something too clumsy to resemble a bow.

Well, the princes didn´t seem to care.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The museum has a renovation and it shows. Long gone are the days where the building would resemble a haunting church. Kitty is guiding her students- the guide, Peter, had to take a leave to solve a problem and Kitty is more than well-prepared to do this job-to each section of the museum.

Many questions are being made right now. "Hey, hey. One at a time" Kitty chided them. They didn´t seem to care though.

"Teacher, what´s this?" she points to the war section. To be more exact, to the many fights the X-men fought in the past. Kitty follows her gaze and seems to get the underline question here.

"The X-men in the past fought many adversaries. Bigger than you can imagine. This one here...is Apocalypse" and the students are muttering among themselves impressed by the sculpture- it was a bit of controversy as the X-men feel it would be as if they´re giving a shrine to Apocalypse, but, a deal was made and in the end, a small size sculpture of Apocalypse is in the museum- "and he caused a great problem to the team"

"He killed Prof X...right?"

"Right...he did and Jean Grey was the one to finally locked him in his tomb"

"Will he come back?"

Maybe...he was locked. Not killed.

"Of course not. Jean Grey took care of that"

______________________________________________________________________________________

"Alright, who can tell me the names of the original X-men?" Kitty asked as this prompts all the other kids to stop and think. Few hands are raised.

"There´s Logan" and Kitty crosses her arms in an X position. "Wrong. Logan was never an X-men. He helps them here and there but he is not an X-men nor Avenger" 

Silence is her ally.

"First we have Jean Grey" she look at them bemused. How they did not know Jean Grey is the first X-men? "she is one of the most powerful mutants in the group"

"Second, we have Dr. Hank MCcoy"

"Third we have Iceman aka Bobby Drake"

"Fourth, we have Scott Summers" a few hands raise up to speak and Kitty can roll her eyes already knowing the answer. "Yes, my bad. Mr. Scott Grey"

"And finally, we have Angel aka Warren Warrington"

The students are taking photos of the original team. Making jokes about how young they all look "defeating evil wearing that? They´re fearless"

________________________________________________________________________________________

Kitty claps her hands together and has a big grin on her face. "Ok, kids. This is where the good part begins. Do you reconize those 3 in the painting?" and the students send a sarcastic no to her face. Kitty ignores them. "This is Pietro, the prince of Genosha and the diplomat of our land. This is Lorna, the mistress of magnetism and this...this is our Witch Queen, Wanda"

And the students take pictures and take a moment to admire this moment. "and their father?" Kitty rubs her arms and refuses to lie. "Magneto is a complex story, even to a bystander, Magneto is banished from Genosha and is whereabouts is unknown" and her words sink in for the others.

Suddenly a hole in the wall appears. The one and only Juggernaut appears and speaks. "I´m Juggernaut, Bitch" and the children scream -some take selfies- and Kitty is in front of the students. "And I want the princes of Genosha"

Oh yes, he´s dumb.

Oh no, he´s dumb and strong.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

He´s big. He´s dumb. I can work with that. 

Kitty looks at the students and hissed. "when I count to 3 runs to the exit, got it?" and they nod in silence.

"1" Juggernaut is in a position to attack. Head-fist is his special move.

"2" she can feel the tension.

"3!" she said and the kids run as Juggernaut is stuck on the flooring-half of his body is stuck in the flooring-Kitty´s powers are far more useful than anyone would give credit. The kids managed to leave the museum and Juggernaut is now pissed.

Kitty crackle her knuckles. "Wanna stay here to cool off?" she suggests deadpan.  Juggernaut has a smart reply and sadly it can´t be appreciated as Kitty doesn´t seem to understand stupidity fluently as he does. "Fine, let´s end this soon"

And she caught a whiff of brimstone. "The cavalry is here" in his german accent and Kitty can reconize one of the most famous mutants in the Red Guard.

"You´re late," said Kitty open the bottom case of Juggernaut´s helmet. She chides him without looking at the azzure figure of Nightcrawler. She can miss his astonishment expression.

Juggernaut, however, is not here to take autographs from Nightcrawler. And using his superior strength the man breaks the flooring and is now free.

"Miss, let the professional" he stops as Kitty looks at him with fire in her eyes. "do you have a plan, Nightcrawler?" and she smirks as she says. "I do...can you give me a sword?" 

The nerve of this woman!

And Juggernaut is angry. Juggernaut ignored Nightcrawler to go chasing Kitty. "Come back here, Bitch"

"I´m not Juggernaut!"

Kurt Wagner watches the scene with his jaw drop.

Snapping from his daze, the mutant goes after the strange woman. Kurt notices her intangibility and how she´s pressing the second bottom on his helmet.

Oh...OH...

And Kurt is quick to press the remain buttons and taking his helmet off.

Mark Cain is now powerless without the helmet. And Kurt can take care of the rest.

"That was incredibly risque of you" Kurt begins looking up and down to the woman-in no moment she ever said she was an X-men or Avenger which makes her action even more reckless- "But at the same time...that was incredibly brave of you, thank you"

"Thank you...he tried to hurt my students...motherfucker had come"

Who is this woman?

"What´s your name, fraulein?"

"Uhm, what´s yours?"

"My name is Kurt Wagner, I´m from the Red Guard"

"I´m Kitty Pryde. History teacher" and adds. "no swords?"

"No swords, miss History teacher...is against the laws"

"Damn"

________________________________________________________________________________________

"Wow! Rogue" Kitty said as she saw Rogue carrying Mark Cain to the van without breaking a sweat. Kitty and the students are impressed to see Rogue, however, Kurt is not amused she´s showing more reaction to his own sister than him.

"I´m still here, you know..."

"I know...and we fought against Juggernaut" and she winks at him. Kurt is never this confused about a woman as he´s now.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Emma Frost is ever happy that Juggernaut is a complete moron and mistakes the future leaders or leader- is not sure if Wanda´s sons would want to share the throne or not. They both seem uninterested now- of Genosha with Kitty´s students.

"Miss Frost...are you and Miss Pryde in love?" one of her students dare to make such an idiotic question.

They´re only children after all.

"EWW. If I have to date a woman...I can pick someone who is on my age and has a better fashion sense than Kitty...plus, I meet Kitty when she was a teen and it would be eww in so many ways"

[productsreviewings]

A cellphone just like the Oppo Discover N2 Flip was inevitable in a method, due to the area of interest opened and nonetheless dominated by telephones like Samsung's Galaxy Z Flip 4. How good the primary true Z Flip rival could be was much less sure. It occurs, it is actually good.The Discover N2 Flip takes the template of the Galaxy Z Flip 4 and runs with it, adjusting itself to be slimmer and simpler. Whereas we have solely had a short while to check Oppo's new foldable to this point, it is made modifications that we expect Samsung and different wannabe small foldable makers should copy or adapt, or they're going to face irrelevance within the section.It is not as distinctive because the bigger Oppo Discover N2, however not like that mannequin, the Discover N2 Flip shall be obtainable to European consumers. And for those who're on a price range and inclined to purchase a foldable cellphone, Europe's clients may need the most effective foldable telephones but.Discover the Oppo N2 Flip HouseBeginning Worth: £849Software program: Android 13, with ColorOS 13.0Inside show: 6.8-inch FHD AMOLED (2520 × 1080)Outer show: 3.6-inch AMOLED (720 × 382)Refresh Charge: 1-120Hz (inside solely)CPU: Dimension 9000 PlusRAM: 8GBStorage: 256 GBExterior Digital camera: 50MP most important (f/1.8), 8MP ultrawide (f/2.2)Inside Digital camera: 32MP selfie (f/2.4)Battery: 4,300 mAhCharging: 44W wiredDimension (folded): 3.36 x 2.96 x 0.63 inches (85.5 x 75.2 x 16.02 mm)Dimension (unfolding): 6.54 x 2.96 x 0.29 inches (166.2 × 75.2 × 7.45 mm)Weight: 6.7 ounces (191 grams)Colour: Astral Black, Moonlit PurpleOppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: value and availability Oppo is bringing the Discover N2 Flip to the worldwide market, making it the primary foldable to be offered outdoors of China. Sadly, it does not embody the US, but when it is obtainable in your nation, it's going to go up for pre-order on February fifteenth and on sale March 2nd.You may pay £849 ($1,025 / AU$1,485 transformed) for the Discover N2 Flip within the UK By comparability, the Galaxy Z Flip 4 retails for £899, so the worth distinction between it and the Discover N2 Flip is negligible.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: Design and show(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)With its clamshell-style design, side-mounted fingerprint sensor and twin cameras, the Discover N2 Flip initially seems like an in depth relative of the Galaxy Z Flip 4. There may be one huge distinction although, and that is the a lot bigger 3.26-inch outer show, inset into the glass for a superbly clean prime floor. You possibly can't function the whole cellphone from it like you possibly can with a big foldable cellphone's outer display screen, however you possibly can nonetheless do greater than you possibly can with the Z Flip 4's outer panel.Opening the cellphone, you may discover a extra typical 6.8-inch FHD 120Hz OLED show inside. Oppo guarantees a most brightness of 1,600 nits and in addition a novel anti-glare coating that helps the show look its greatest even in shiny gentle.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)As a foldable, the Discover N2 Flip has a crease in the course of its show. Fortuitously, it is fairly onerous to note whenever you're utilizing the cellphone, even for those who run your finger instantly over it. Until you are deliberately making an attempt to see the crease by shining a shiny gentle on the show (like I did right here), you should not discover this an issue.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)The hinge itself makes use of Oppo's "Flexion Hinge" expertise to permit the cellphone to open and shut easily and with little resistance. However it additionally has the choice to partially open so you possibly can stand the cellphone to take images or take a look at issues hands-free from a secure place, like we have seen on different foldables. The cellphone rattles a bit for those who transfer round lots with it open, however in any other case it feels strong.Oppo guarantees

that you'll fold the Oppo Discover N2 Flip not less than 400,000 occasions with out subject, and can retain its ultra-thin glass inside show, backed with a metal again plate, and Gorilla Glass 5 outer show as effectively. Cellphone in peak situation for very long time. The large lacking characteristic right here although is water resistance, one thing that at present solely Samsung affords on its foldables within the type of an IPX8 score.Oppo will promote you the Discover N2 Flip in matte Astral Black or glossier Moonlit Purple (pictured). It could be good to have extra choices however these two colours are enticing.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: Digital cameraThe Discover N2 Flip has a 50MP most important digicam (taking pictures at 12.5MP or full 50MP), an 8MP ultrawide digicam and a 32MP inside selfie digicam. These are just like the 50MP/12MP/10MP cameras supplied by the Galaxy Z Flip 4, however whereas you will get a top-quality digicam cellphone just like the Google Pixel 7 Professional for a similar sum of money, you are still arguably a bit short-changed.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)On prime of the fundamental hardware, the Discover N2 Flip's cameras characteristic Oppo's MariSilicon X imaging NPU in addition to Hasselblad Colour Science like different Oppo and OnePlus telephones, which the corporate claims improves evening mode and HDR video.In my preliminary testing of the cameras, which you'll see within the gallery beneath, I beloved the efficiency of the principle digicam, because it captured the solar setting over Paddington's canals and workplace towers in stunning color. The ultrawide digicam, nevertheless, is not as spectacular, with a shot of a leafy wall wanting somewhat chilly and failing to seize the depth of shade in photos a neon signal.image 1 of 4(Picture credit score: Tom's Information) A 12.5MP most important digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. (Picture credit score: Tom's Information) A 12.5MP most important digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. (Picture credit score: Tom's Information) An 8MP ultrawide digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. (Picture credit score: Tom's Information) An 8MP ultrawide digicam shot from the Oppo Discover N2 Flip. Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: Efficiency In contrast to the common Discover N2 or Galaxy Z Flip sequence, Oppo has opted for a MediaTek-made Dimension 9000 Plus chipset for the Discover N2 Flip as a substitute of a flagship Qualcomm Snapdragon chip. Oppo has centered its advertising on the efficiency of this chipset, which made us fear when studying between the strains that this chip may lack energy.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)The hole between Dimensity chips and customary Snapdragon chips that many Android telephones use is not that huge, and even typically MediaTek could go in favor of silicon. Nevertheless, that is one potential space the place the Discover N2 Flip might fall behind the Galaxy Z Flip 4 and its highly effective Snapdragon 8 Plus Gen 1 SoC.The usual mannequin has 8GB and 256GB of RAM and storage, respectively, beating the bottom Galaxy Z Flip 4's 128GB of storage. In China, the Discover N2 Flip may be specified with 16GB of RAM and 512GB of storage, which might be an unprecedented quantity of reminiscence for a foldable of this measurement, however it's potential that we can't get this mannequin abroad.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: battery and charging Due to some intelligent rearranging of inside elements, Oppo has stuffed the Discover N2 Flip with a 4,300 mAh battery, which is fairly huge for a compact foldable (the Galaxy Z Flip 4's battery is 3,700 mAh). Oppo says that consequently it is the longest-lasting foldable clamshell round, a declare we're wanting ahead to correctly testing for ourselves.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)Oppo can be beneficiant with charging, equipping the Discover N2 Flip with a 44W brick, beating the Z Flip 4's most of 25W, which does not even ship with a charger.

Oppo claims the included charger will get you to 50% in 23 minutes and 100% in an hour. Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: software program and particular options The Discover N2 Flip runs Android 13 within the guise of ColorOS 13.0, a visually distinct model of Android however one which behaves usually, evolving like a shelf of funky widgets which you could entry by swiping down on the show. Extra importantly, Oppo is promising 4 years of Android updates, with a further fifth yr of safety updates. It is appropriate with prime Android telephones like the most recent Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 4 and Galaxy Z Flip 4, and means you may get loads of new options to play with all through the Discover N2 Flip's life.With the exterior show, like different folding telephones there may be the liberty to shut the cellphone and take selfies with the exterior show or present a preview picture together with your topic to allow them to see how they are going to look within the ultimate shot.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)You possibly can tilt the cellphone midway to a 90-degree angle after which use a camcorder-style grip for a handy preview of what you are capturing.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)You additionally get loads of widgets to make use of on the Oppo Discover N2 Flip by swiping left and proper on the unlocked cowl show. It could possibly present you and allow you to shortly alter your fast settings, examine and ship pre-canned replies to your notifications, a digicam widget for taking selfies with the principle twin digicam, and miniature variations of different apps like climate or clock, all on a bigger show measurement. Simple to handle due to. Alternatively, if you wish to hold issues easy, you should utilize it as an always-on show as a substitute.Oppo Discover N2 Flip hands-on: preliminary verdict We want extra work to completely check the Oppo Discover N2 Flip for our full evaluate. As issues stand now although, the Discover N2 Flip brings us the following huge evolution of the Galaxy Z Flip 4's clamshell-style foldable design, and the whole lot works collectively fantastically.(Picture credit score: Tom's Information)We respect the Discover N2 Flip's higher battery/charging specs, however the bigger outside show is the cellphone's killer characteristic. This lets you get extra out of the system when it is folded, which suggests much less stress on the hinge day by day and hopefully much less potential distraction for customers who typically discover themselves looking different apps after unlocking their cellphone simply to examine an e mail. .US customers are sadly nonetheless caught with this type of foldable with the Galaxy Z Flip 4, which stays a wonderful various. It is true that Oppo has discovered cracks within the Z Flip's armor and is fortunately exploiting them, and except we discover any evident points in our ultimate checks, the Discover N2 Flip might take Samsung's place on the record of greatest foldable telephones.

[creamofweep]

Proof - Peter Parker

Peter x Stark!reader

Set during FFH

Based on the song Proof by Paramore

"The only proof that I need is you"

Word count: 1,346

"Hey Y/N! Um... I miss you! We just got to Venice! I heard that it's supposed to be all like romantic and stuff here with the boats and all that but uh... You're not here so I guess it doesn't really matter," Peter spoke through the video at you. He was on a trip to Europe with his school. He had been sending these little update videos to you whenever he had WiFi available to him which unfortunately wasn't very consistent.

You two had been dating since a little after your father's funeral. Sure, it hadn't been a long relationship yet but it was definitely a long time coming and the death of your father brought you closer than ever.

"Woah hey who are you talking to? Is it Y/N? Tell her I say hi!" You hear the familiar voice of MJ, one of Peter's friends. You laugh lightly as you watch her face appear behind Peter. She rested her head on his shoulder as she smiled and waved at you and you couldn't help but feel a little jealous. You knew that it's probably nothing, you just miss him too much.

"Haha... There's MJ..." Peter awkwardly points out the obvious. Watching him struggle to find something interesting to say made him all the more cute.

"Well I'm gonna go now! MJ wants me to come with her to find a gift for her mom. Anyway I love you! I miss you! I'll try to call you back at the hotel if you're up. Bye!" He waves and the video stops. You let out a long, bittersweet sigh.

You wish that you were able to go on the trip with him. Normally even though you didn't go to the same school, you'd still find a way to get to Europe and be with him but you had to stay home. You couldn't leave your mom and especially not Morgan at a time like this. You had to be strong for the Stark family. You knew that your dad would be proud of you.

"Y/N! Y/N! Was that Peter? Can I talk to him?" Little Morgan comes running into your room after hearing the video play and jumps onto your bed crawling up onto your lap.

You smile at her brightly and say, "Why don't we make a little video for him okay? He's in Italy right now!"

She nods excitedly and waits for you to turn on the camera. As soon as you do, she steals the phone away from you and runs.

"Hi Peter! I miss you! Y/N does too she even put your picture on her nightstand. It's right next to the picture of daddy! She really misses you both. What are you doing in Ibaly?"

You laugh and catch up with her. Scooping her up in your arms, she points the camera at you. "She means Italy. And she's right I do miss you both very much. Morgan, how much do you love Peter?"

"I love him 600!" She giggles.

"Hah suck on that Peter. I got to 800 yesterday. Not quite 3000 but those are big shoes to fill." You smile sadly, remembering how much Morgan loved her dad.

"Anyway, I love you 3000 even if she doesn't. Call me when you get the chance even if it is late here. I'll probably be up. Oh and tell MJ and Ned I say hi! Bye love!" You take the phone from Morgan's hands and stop the video as she waves goodbye.

You spend the rest of your day playing and watching movies with Morgan since your mom is preoccupied doing something in the city for the weekend.

After you put her to bed, you hear your phone ring from downstairs. When you get to it, you see Peter's name displayed on the screen asking you to video chat with him. Smiling, you hit the green button.

"Y/N! Is it too late? It's really early here. Is Morgan still up? God, I miss her. She looked so big in that video. Do y-"

"Peter! Calm down! One thing at a time. It's not super late here but Morgan just went to bed. How's Venice?"

"It's so beautiful, Y/N. I wish you were here so much. Ned has a new girlfriend so I haven't really been with him this whole time. I've been hanging out with MJ mostly. She's pretty cool though I like her a lot." Peter smiles happily describing MJ. You feel that slight twang of jealousy again but brush it off quickly.

"Oh that's cool... She seems nice."

"Yeah she is! She showed me this cool thing you can do where you like take a picture of the water but then it shows the reflection so it looks like you're taking a picture of the building but it's actually the water," he excitedly rants. He seems happy so you let him continue.

"She and I also ran into this guy on the street yesterday who was selling these weird beaded bracelets except he just put them on our wrists and kind of forced us to buy them. We didn't really know how to say no though because he only spoke Italian so now we have these matching bracelets," he holds up his wrist showing a bracelet with big wooden beads. You chuckle a little but keep feeling that jealousy creep up the more he talks about her.

"oh! And she also helped me find a gift for Aunt May! We found this little sculpture thing of Venice and it looks super touristy but you know how May loves these little knick knack things for her shelves. I'll probably get her something else too if I find something but maybe not from Venice. MJ said that-"

"Peter?" You felt terrible for even thinking this way.

"Oh sorry for ranting. What's up?" But you couldn't help yourself. You had to just check at least.

"Do you like... have feelings for MJ? I understand if you do I mean you have been spending all this time together and I've been so busy with my family and I just want you to be honest because I don't want to be the reason you're holding back or anything like tha-"

"Y/N! Y/N! Hold on a minute!" He shuts you up but then takes a moment to think. The silence is killing you. If he was going to deny it then he wouldn't have to think so much right?

After a moment he asks, "You know how they say family comes first?"

You nod slowly, not seeing where he was going.

"Well Y/N, you're family to me. I know we're young but I already know I intend to spend my life with you. MJ is just a friend. You're my girlfriend. I know the distance makes it harder to believe that I'm being faithful so I'm not mad at you for thinking there might be something else but there's not. Do you trust me?"

You take a moment to think before responding with another question, "do you love me? All you have to do is say yes and then I won't ever second guess you."

"Yes. A thousand times yes." His face breaks into a big smile. A smile that you couldn't wait to see in person again.

"Well then I trust you. The only proof of your loyalty I need is you. I miss you, Pete." You look over at the mantle above the fireplace. A picture of your dad and Peter is sitting there.

"I miss you too, love. I'll be back before you know it. But until then, my heart is bigger than the distance in between us." He speaks gently. It makes your heart melt.

After a moment of silence he says, "how do you think Morgan would feel if I got her a little necklace? I saw these funny looking clay goat things on necklaces yesterday and it seems like just her type of humor."

Guess he is just like family now.

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #3: Dave Vis

If you are one of the thousands of Letterboxd completists attempting to log every film on our official top 250, you have Dave Vis to thank for keeping that list current. He tells us why he adopted ownership of the list, how he felt when Parasite “dethroned” The Godfather, the curious case of A Dog’s Will, and several Dutch filmmakers worthy of discovery.

You wear your tenure proudly on your profile (“Member since 12/11/2011”). How did you come across Letterboxd way back then? I joined in the beta days when I got an invitation in November 2011 from a good friend who knew I was into film. Up to this date, I have no idea how she got a beta invitation for a movie geek website from New Zealand, but I’m happy she did!

Here’s the $49 question: How do you Letterboxd? I joined because I found it useful to keep track of everything I watched. At that point, I was probably still ticking off films from IMDb’s Top 250, and Letterboxd was a cool way to make other lists and see how I was progressing. When I started using the site more often, I also got to follow more users and enjoyed reading their takes on films. I don’t follow a lot of people, just a few that I know in real life and some other early adopters of the site whose opinions of film I got to value.

Talk us through your profile favorites. What spoke to you about these four films? The pragmatic reason for these four is that they were the last films I watched that got full marks from me. So the four favorites on my profile keep changing as I come across more films that I think deserve five stars. About the current ones: Jaws, of course, is an absolute classic, maybe even Spielberg’s greatest. How he creates that much tension with minimal exposition is masterful. Blade Runner 2049 baffled me, especially on an aesthetic level. I love how the story slowly unravels in probably one of the best world-building efforts of the last couple of years. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring doesn’t need much explanation, I think. Peter Jackson did what was generally thought impossible and in a way that had me walking out of the cinema in awe of the spectacle and production design. Last but not least, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind. I’m a huge fan of the Studio Ghibli films and this one, [as well as] being the studio’s unofficial first, is probably my favorite. You can just tell that they worked years to get Hayao Miyazaki’s life’s work to the big screen.

Let’s get down to brass tacks: for the past six and a half years, you’ve been running the Official Letterboxd Top 250, one of our most popular and important lists. What prompted you to start the list? Did you think you’d be keeping it going this long? At least part of the credit goes to someone else on Letterboxd, because even my list is a cloned one! A great deal of thanks goes to a member called The Caker Baker, who sadly isn’t part of the community anymore, for having the idea of doing this list even before me. On the exact day Letterboxd introduced a sorting option by average rating on the Films page, he created the first top 250 list.

I decided to clone that list [Dave has archived it here], because I wanted to filter out the documentaries, shorts and miniseries. As long as I am interested in film and won’t have completed the list, I do see myself keeping it. I feel the overall quality of the list is outstanding and for my taste and film-watching experience it’s probably the best combination of blockbuster hits, timeless Hollywood classics, non-English spoken gems, and some pretty obscure entries.

What’s involved in keeping the top 250 up-to-date? What’s the hardest thing about it? Have you ever found the responsibility a burden—your ankle chained to Letterboxd each week? (We’re grateful!) These days it isn’t much of a bother at all, actually. I’m still so grateful for you guys introducing the ability to sort lists by average rating when editing them a while back. That was a huge relief, I can tell you! And apart from the odd comment when I’m a bit late on my weekly update or when I’m on a well-deserved holiday (yes, even the ankle chain comes off once in a while), I don’t feel like it’s a burden at all.

Let’s unpack it a bit. What are the best films you’ve discovered because of the list? Shoutout to my choices: A Special Day, Harakiri and The Man Who Sleeps. Harakiri is an excellent choice! If it wasn’t for Letterboxd’s top list, I would probably not even know about it today, although it also cracked IMDb’s top 250 last year. What a beautiful film. If I have to name two other, one would be The Cranes Are Flying. I’ve rarely seen a film about war being depicted so beautifully. The other is It’s Such a Beautiful Day, the animation by Don Hertzfeldt about a stick figure you get to care deeply about in a time span of just over an hour. Very different films that, without Letterboxd, the chances are next to zero that I would have checked either of them out. Joining a Kickstarter to finance my own Blu-ray edition of the latter was special too.

Béla Tarr’s 1994 masterpiece ‘Sátántangó’.

So, what’s your percentage-seen of the top 250? Which films rank highest on your list of shame? Are there any that you don’t think you’ll ever watch? At this moment I’m at 175 of 250, so 70 percent. I rarely consider films as being on a ‘list of shame’, but as I scroll through the unseen ones, there are a few that stand out. La Dolce Vita and Sátántangó [Editor’s note: recently re-released in 4K, nudge nudge] are ones that I feel I should have watched by now. Both are magnum opuses from legendary foreign filmmakers. Don’t really know why I haven’t though, but all in good time. Any that I think I’ll never watch? There’s not much I wouldn’t watch, but some are just so daunting in their runtime, that I’m not sure if I will ever feel up to the task (yes, La Flor, I’m looking at you). Probably also the reason I never popped Sátántangó in.

Has the way Letterboxd’s membership has changed and grown affected what’s in the top 250 in any interesting or unexpected ways? That’s not a very easy question to answer, because different people will be surprised about different things. However, you do see a trend—surprising or not—of traditional western cinema classics giving way to more non-English language films doing well on the list. Asian and Brazilian films have skyrocketed to great heights, often at the expense of western classics. Films that are traditionally doing great at IMDb, such as Pulp Fiction or The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, were in Letterboxd’s top ten for a long time, but have both dropped out of the top twenty. Beloved classics among film critics such as Citizen Kane, Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans and Casablanca aren’t even in the top 100 anymore.

We now have a top ten with three Japanese films, one Taiwanese, one Russian, one Brazilian and a South Korean film at the very top. The only English spoken films left there are the two Godfathers and 12 Angry Men. I do tend to suspect that the growing community causes more diversity while also fuelling the more traditional moviegoers to broaden their interests. I personally think that’s a great development.

How did you feel when Parasite overtook The Godfather to become Letterboxd’s highest-rated film of all time? Do you think it’ll ever sink at this point? To say I was surprised is quite the understatement. For something to even come close to The Godfather’s record borders on sacrilege, let alone dethroning it. What you usually see is that new movies with overly positive reviews enter the list’s higher ranks with a bang, but when they are introduced to a bigger crowd, they slowly descend. For example, fellow acclaimed Best Picture nominees 12 Years A Slave, Her, Call Me By Your Name and Roma all peaked in the top twenty and only Call Me By Your Name is still in the list, at number 232 for now.

In these days of ready availability it is extremely hard to create something that has such a large following. That’s why this takeover by Parasite is so extraordinary. Seeing it rise day-by-day—even after the masses took it in—was something I didn’t think possible. I, for one, am very slow to watch new films, so when I got to watch it, it was already in first position. Safe to say my expectation level was through the roof, which probably wasn’t really fair. While I thought it was an excellent film, I personally wouldn’t rank it among my favorites. However, it’s not only the highest-ranked film on Letterboxd, but also the most popular one [a measure of the amount of activity for a film, regardless of rating]! So don’t expect to see it sink lower any time soon.

The top 250 is home to the largest comment section on the platform. Congrats! What’s monitoring that mammoth thread like? Thank you! Although that’s hardly an achievement on my part. I have to be honest, I don’t read everything in the comments section anymore. I try to keep up as much as possible, in order to respond to people who have an actual question. However, when I sign in in the morning and see dozens of new notifications, most probably about A Dog’s Will being in the top ten or about recency bias or about objective quality versus subjective quality, I let it pass me by every so often.

What is your take on A Dog’s Will’s rise to Letterboxd stardom? (At the time of writing, the 2000 Brazilian film from director Guel Arraes holds the number eight spot in the top 250.) Ah, there it is: the elephant in the room… My honest answer is a politically correct one, but also the truth: I haven’t seen it yet, so it’s impossible to pass judgment. However, from the comments section on the top 250, it seems clear that there are two camps: the Brazilians, who adore the film and continually claim the importance it in their cultural heritage. And there’s the other group, mostly non-Brazilians of course, who think it’s a fine film at best, but in their opinion not deserving of a top-ten spot. I’m quite impartial: if the statistics say that it is one of the best-rated films of the Letterboxd community, why would it not deserve to be there? I am curious though if more non-Brazilians will see it and if so, if that will have a significant effect on its rating. We can only wait and see.

Are there any films you’re surprised to have stayed in the list for so long? Conversely, what are some films that we’ll be surprised to hear have never made the list? If I have to name one film that I’m surprised about, it’s one I haven’t seen yet: Paddington 2. Every time I scroll past it, I find myself asking: “wow, this one still in?” It’s probably because I haven’t seen it, but it always strikes me as an odd one. I really have to seek it out some time. Some films that might shock people never having made it… Well, if you look at IMDb’s list for reference, you could say it’s shocking that a film like Forrest Gump never made it onto the list, but that might not be as much of a shock to Letterboxd members. Other popular crowd pleasers that never made it include E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Gladiator, all of Disney’s non-Pixar animated classics, and one of the films that also sparked my interest in movies, The Usual Suspects.

Dave has not seen ‘Paddington 2’.

I’ve actually been working hard on completing the list during quarantine and I finished it yesterday. Has anyone else gotten to 100 percent yet or am I the first? I have no idea, to be honest! There will probably be others who have, but I wouldn’t be able to name one. I suspect Jakk might have reached 100 percent at some point.

My completist streak will need a new avenue. What are your next most essential top lists? If you ever feel up for a challenge, I recommend Top10er’s 1001 Greatest Movies of All Time. He combined the average ratings of critics and users from IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, Metacritic and Letterboxd, and then weighted and tweaked the results with general film data from several services. I have no idea how, but it’s a terrific list. Also, the directors’ favorites lists that are on Letterboxd are awesome. Edgar Wright’s 1,000 favorites and Guillermo del Toro’s recommendations are especially worth your while.

The top 250 list is the tip of the iceberg for the lists on your account. What is it you enjoy about keeping ranked lists? It’s a compulsion. I just really enjoy making lists, ranking films by certain directors, franchises or studios. Not really useful, mostly just fun to do! And I’m not the only one, it seems. Although, of course, lists like the Letterboxd Top 250 will always be an inspiration for finding well-rated films I haven’t seen yet.

Which films got you hooked on cinema? I do have a few titles that were important in terms of my film-watching development. Films like Terminator 2: Judgment Day and Jurassic Park came out when I was an early teenager and those were the ones luring me to the cinema to see and experience things you just couldn’t in the real world, both with groundbreaking special effects—I’m a sucker for those. Not much later, titles like The Shawshank Redemption and Pulp Fiction were popular and that’s probably around the time that IMDb’s list got my attention. That top 250 gets a lot of criticism, but the overall quality is fine and for me it was the perfect step in broadening my film-watching.

So, for a long time I watched a lot of films on that list and went to the cinema for your usual blockbusters, probably until Letterboxd arrived. That’s when I started watching the artsier stuff and foreign cinema of which, of course, all classics eluded me up till then. It was films like Seven Samurai, Persona and Werckmeister Harmonies that sparked that particular period. Now I just watch everything that comes my way that seems interesting or entertaining, from the new Marvel instalment to classic Godard.

Tell us about the one and only movie you’ve given a half-star. Ha, that’s an odd one… Once there was a challenge on the site that you could ask a fellow member to pick the next ten films for them to watch. I participated once and, of course, there would be underseen gems or personal favorites on that list, but also one or two that would be almost unwatchable. In my list that was Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. If that title alone doesn’t give away how bad it was, watching the first five minutes will.

In your opinion, what’s the most underrated film according to Letterboxd average ratings? One that comes to mind, which was in the top 250 once, but has dropped substantially in the last few years, is Gravity. I also have a list where I collect all the films that were once in Letterboxd’s top 250 and it’s at the very bottom there. For me, seeing that film in a theater is what cinema is all about—finding new ways to immerse your audience into a movie experience they have never had before. Oh, did I mention I’m a sucker for special effects?

Dave is a sucker for special effects, including those in Alfonso Cuarón‘s ‘Gravity’ (2013).

As a Dutchman, please educate us: what are the greatest Dutch films people should see? The Netherlands doesn’t really have a thriving movie industry that brings its films across borders. If I have to give the essential tip, it would be Spoorloos, which was remade starring Kiefer Sutherland and Sandra Bullock and was not half as good. Other than that I would recommend Paul Verhoeven’s early work, such as Soldaat van Oranje and Turks Fruit, and the two Dutch films that won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film, 1986’s De Aanslag and 1997’s Karakter. And to top it off, I want to mention two Dutch filmmakers worth your time, Alex van Warmerdam, director of De Noorderlingen, and Martin Koolhoven, director of Oorlogswinter.

What comfort movies are you watching whilst in quarantine? Are you working on any viewing projects? I actually am in a viewing project at the moment. One of mine and my wife’s guilty pleasures is superhero movies! So currently we are, again, on a Marvel Cinematic Universe rewatch streak. They just provide a wonderful form of escapism and are definitely deserving of the term comfort movies. Some are better than others of course, but the perspective of rewatching The Avengers, Thor: Ragnarok or Guardians of the Galaxy after a while still tends to fill me with excitement. In a way, there’s still a bit of the twelve-year-old in me that was so thrilled to see T2 or Jurassic Park.

How do you plan on inducting your kids into the cinephile life? Well, most important is that they just enjoy going to the movies like I did when I was young. Let’s hope we will be able to do so again in the near future. They are still young, but their access to screen time with Netflix, Disney+ and (mind-numbingly stupid clips on) YouTube is so different than the days when we were young. So having them watch some Ghibli classics is already quite a step. And then I think the rest should come naturally. If not, so be it.

Which, for you, are the most useful features on Letterboxd? Did you know they have a list with the 250 best rated narrative feature films? That’s basically all you need to know… All kidding aside, just reading reviews once in a while by fellow members whose opinions I value is still the heart of the service to me. That and the statistics pages. And browsing other lists.

Does anyone in your real life know that your list is kind of a Letterboxd big deal? Not really! Mostly because I don’t exactly feel that way about it. I mean: my wife knows, but other than that it’s pretty much still my pet project. To me, it’s still just a film enthusiast’s list that so happened to become the site’s official top 250. I do have to say that it is humbling to see the numbers of new followers every day—especially when Letterboxd mentions the list on her social accounts—and to realize that apparently almost 23,000 people around the globe have taken a liking to it.

Please name three other members you recommend we follow. Fellow countryman and longtime member DirkH. He is not as active as he was before, but writes beautifully personal reviews, always with his trademark witty humor or sometimes cheeky sarcasm, not always to the liking of everyone. You all got to know Lise in the first How I Letterboxd, but I’d definitely also recommend following her other half Jonathan White. His reviews are great, he knows so much about film and is always willing to share his thoughts or answer questions. And damn, that man can rhyme. Then there’s Mook, if only for his franchise lists. Check out his MCU list, it’s my go-to place when I want to read up on anything Marvel.

Related content

Official Top 100 Documentary Feature Films

Official Top 100 Narrative Features by Women Directors

Letterboxd’s ‘Official’ Top 50 of 2020

Several of the films mentioned in this interview—Sátántangó, La Flor—are (at the time of writing) available for virtual screenings. The details are in our Art House Online list.