#ryan i love u forever come back...

[fappellmoan]

you guys just don’t even know or care about the stories the theatricality the characters behind afycso it’s honestly insulting...

[luveline]

hi miss jade <3 if it hasn’t been done already, could you possibly write poly!marauders with a depressed reader? maybe she’s having a particularly hard time lately and she’s trying to hide it from them but they notice she’s been really quiet recently. then one day while they’re all just sitting together, one of them looks over and sees a tear rolling down her cheek and they comfort her </3 if this isn’t something you’re up to writing i understand! thank you nonetheless lovely <3

thank u for ur request lovely!

modern au 

“No,” Remus is whispering, “that's the other actor.” 

James leans into his side. You've successfully crammed yourselves onto the three seater sofa, all four of you. You're on one arm, Sirius the other. If Sirius and James sit together during a movie they won't stop talking, and if you and Remus sit together you'll spend the entire movie telling each other what other movies the actors have been in. 

James and Remus seem to have found a loophole. Sirius tries uselessly to reach over their shoulders to touch you, but James blocks him by accident, head tilting back in a laugh. 

You aren't in the mood for movies. Not their fault, not anyone's, but a melancholy has its hooks in you, and you'd excuse yourself to spend time alone with it if it didn't immediately draw their attention. You're not sure you want to be alone, either. 

James reaches for your hand even as he speaks to Remus excitedly, “He's Ryan Gosling, right?” 

“Yeah, James,” —said with love— “that's Ryan Gosling.” 

You hold James' hand. It's a very real, very gentle tether, but eventually the noise in the room turns white. You lay your cheek on the sofa arm and watch the movie pass by in colours. Dusky orange, pink, blue rain. Your hard times recently have felt longer, deeper, and you've floundered in them helplessly. 

Though the boys couldn't make it worse, their devotion tends to hurt. You feel like you're letting them down whenever you can't fight your lethargy. Even now when you're together for a normal night, you're stuck under the weight of it. You could be playing with James’ hair the way he loves, or telling Remus something interesting about the movie. You could crawl across the two chatterboxes and ask Sirius what he did at work today while he draws shapes into the back of your hand. But you're not. And everything begins to feel worse. 

The TV flickers. The room hums. The tear that slides down your cheek is hot as the drag of a pin. 

You shift down into the arm to hide it as more follow. James pulls his hand away, and you assume he's just getting comfortable, but he puts it on your shoulder, the sofa whining as he leans in. “Hey…” he whispers, nearly too soft to hear. He must've been watching you. They've been doing that more and more lately. 

Your shoulders shake as the first sob brews. They aren't overly loud, you aren't wound tightly enough to really cry, you're just defeated. Tired and scared that this feeling is forever. 

The contented atmosphere in the room drains quicker than snapped fingers. “What's wrong?” Sirius asks. 

You curl away from James. You can't pretend you aren't crying and you don't really want to, but something about his touch feels raw. He comes closer, leaning into you, hand chasing around to your front where it rests over your heart. “It's okay,” he says soundly. “Oh, honey, it's okay.” 

James isn't as heavy with the pet names as the other two. When he does use them, they're genuine but said in high spirits. Almost like a joke, his ever-present humour shining through. He's warm and steady behind you, his lips brushing your ear as he hugs you to his chest. “It's okay,” he whispers, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. 

“Sorry.” 

Remus says your name unhappily. They know better than to converge on you, and James has always been good at comforting people. Maybe his solidness in both physicality and personality does him credit, but more likely it's his unending patience. He doesn't rush you into feeling better. He just stays right there at your side until you stop shaking. 

“Sorry,” you say again, voice in fractured layers, “I don't know…” 

“I know,” he says. “Let's sit up, okay? Sit up.”

Remus gives you a look with just enough heartbreak that when he holds out his hand, you raise yourself up, knowing James will take you by the waist and help you over his lap. You smush in between their legs as Remus wipes your face dry, and Sirius meets your eyes around his shoulder. It all works to lift the weight from your chest, not fully, but enough to breathe. 

“You don't have to explain.” 

“Just don't cry more,” Sirius begs. He really hates tears, doesn't know what to do with them. “You're too lovely for tears.” 

“Unless you need to,” James says. 

“Right,” Sirius agrees through a wince. 

“She's okay,” Remus says, rubbing your cheek with his knuckles, “hmm? You're alright.” 

He isn't pressuring you into pretending things are better than they are, he's encouraging, and he knows as you know that you're not very well, but you'll manage in the end. You sink back into James arms and smile at them weakly. 

“I'm okay. I just wanted James to rub my stomach, that's all.” 

“Theatrics in the name of attention,” Sirius says proudly. “As you should.” 

James wraps his arms around your front, giving your abdomen a squeeze as he leans down to say, “I'll rub your stomach all night if you want me to,” with a warmth so tender it escapes words. 

Remus drops back into Sirius rather aggressively. “Make haste.” 

“Make haste?” Sirius presses his nose into Remus’ curls, his voice dripping with a feigned contempt, “You make haste, you sick freak.” And then he raises his hand to cover Remus' stomach in mirror of James’ touch. 

You breathe out long and slow, eyes closing of their own accord. “I'm not going to sleep, okay? I'm just tired.” 

James gets comfortable underneath you. “Do what you want, babe. I'm here for the night. If I need to pee I'll just hoist you into Moony's lap for a bit.” 

“I can fit two, thanks,” Sirius interjects. 

“Fine. I'll hoist you into his lap. Though I've no clue why you'd want to spend any time with that bossy bastard.” 

[honeyedmiller]

Hey love!! Do you mind doing a Pedro Pascal fic where his relationship with the reader is like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively where they’re always roasting each other and teasing each other in interviews and on social media but everyone knows that they absolutely adore each other

y'all just keep requesting the cutest prompts ever I could CRY OMG. I love Ryan and Blake, hope u enjoy<3

warnings: some cursing, fluff, and loooots of sarcasm

"José Pedro Balmaceda Pascal!" You yell your husband's name loudly in your house, horrified at the video that was currently up on your Instagram for the world to see.

"Yes, my dear?" His head peaked around the corner. He was trying relentlessly to hold back a laugh as he saw the look on your face.

"What the hell is this? And when did you even take this?" You look down at the video of you with the most unflattering facial expression while you displayed less than subpar dance moves and sang in an off-key tone to 'Drunk in Love' by Beyoncé in your shared bathroom. The video already had three million likes, with the caption 'Drunk on my sexy ass husband's love. Like seriously. He's sooooooo sexy.'

"Dunno what you're talking about, babe." Pedro's body is in full view now as he gives you an innocent shrug, his brown eyes looking puppy-like.

You scoff and roll your eyes, shooting him a glare. "I don't get mad, Pascal, I get even." You stand up from the couch you were sitting on, walking tall as you maneuvered past your husband, but not before he gave you a smack on the ass.

You giggled at his advancement, running up the stairs as he started to chase you into your bedroom.

-

"So, what was that video of you on Instagram that went viral the other day? Tell us about it." The interviewer chuckled as they asked the question, looking between you and Pedro.

"My lovely husband here decided he wanted to prank me by posting that video of me on my page. I just kept it up because honestly, what's put on the internet will stay on the internet forever," You look at him and grin, "I'm surprised this old man figured out how to post a video in the first place." You smile sweetly at him and his eyes widen.

"Hey! I'm not old." He retorts, giving your arm a nudge with his elbow.

“Tell that to the iPad you carry around to text people back instead of your actual phone.” You stifle a laugh at his facial expression, covering your mouth.

The interviewer laughs at the back and forth banter and looks to Pedro to see if he has anything to say back.

“Wanna know why I posted that video? To show the world how long it takes you to get ready, sweetheart.” He squints his eyes at you and you scoff with a chuckle.

“I may take forever but I still look amazing as an end result, soooo I don’t know what you’re complaining about here.”

“Yeah, you’re not wrong about that.” Pedro rolls his eyes with a smile laced to his lips.

“You two often pull pranks on each other?” The interviewer asks, amused with the sights unfolding before them.

“More like just roasting the absolute shit out of each other.” Pedro extends his legs in front of him as he moves his arm behind you, wrapping his hand around your shoulder.

"It's all love, though baby. All love."

---------------------

a/n: I'm so sorry this request was so cute but I just got writers block lowkey and couldn't come up with any good roasts. forgive me anon I'm SORRY this was trash 😩

[ggwritesstuff]

i’m begging for some smutty ry hcs for the ry girlies pls (maybe jealous over reader hanging out with knox or bam?)

ur my bammy fr <33

ryan dunn smutty hcs <3

warnings: just a whole bunch of smut. format is wonky cus i typed it out in docs and pasted it but y’all get the gist.

note: forever grateful for the ryan to my bammy @babylovepresley for reminding me of these fools, love u bunches baby i hope u enjoy <33

mf eats pussy for days.

he’ll BEG you to let him go down on you

on ur period? he doesn’t care.

he’s had worse things in his mouth.

he’s a sucker for a good make out session

desperate hands grabbing at your hips

sometimes one hand cradles your cheek while the other is tangled in your hair, pulling at it a little bit

i personally think he loves grinding

it’s a bit of a tease for him but he loves how hot it gets you

soft dom/pleasure dom. i’m not accepting any criticism.

he’s territorial but like silently

if you're hanging out with him and johnny and he makes you laugh a little too much for his liking he’s gonna keep his cool

but the second y’all are alone he’s leaving very obvious love bites on you

“baby i think they all know i’m yours”

“still gotta mark you up a little”

“you just look so pretty in black and blue”

he loves whenever you give him head

if you’re not the biggest fan of giving head he’d never press you for it

but if you decide to do it for him he’s gonna savor every fucking moment of it

he loves it when you’re on your knees

but his personal favorite position for head is whichever one he can touch you in

especially if you don’t really like giving head, he wants to make it as pleasurable for you as he can

BIG ON PRAISE!!!

he loves to tell you how warm your mouth is

how pretty your lips look wrapped around him

big fan of mutual masturbation

hear me out- i think before you guys go all the way he’d initiate a little session

he wants to know exactly how to touch you to make you feel good

when it comes to the main event, he’s all about you

practically worships your body

i think he’s a missionary/cowgirl kinda guy

your reactions to what he does gets him off the most

which leads me to mirror sex

cus he thinks you just look so gorgeous when he’s inside you, he wants you to see how pretty you look

he loves to see how your jaw drops and your eyes roll back when he hits that sweet spot

loves telling you how tight you are just for him

you cum first

no exceptions

doesn’t matter if he hasn’t cum in days and he’s about to bust

he’ll deny himself until you cum at least twice

speaking of cum- he loses it when you let him finish in you

but if not, he’ll be just as happy with finishing on your chest

essentially, sex w ryan is allll about you. the way you moan and whimper under him makes him feel like his life’s purpose is to make you feel good.

[vivaladicamillo]

hi, can you write a dico x fem!reader who is just like him. they are best friends but also a couple. they are always laughing & joking around, doing skits, having rap/roast battles, doing stunts, etc together. the others constantly teasing them about how they are same person and outsides would never be able to tell they are a couple.

that’s so fucking cheesy I’m so sorry AHHHH 😟

BRANDON DICAMILLO X FEM!READER

THANK U SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING THIS IM A LITERAL SUCKER FOR DICO AHHHH and trust me nothing is ever too cheesy when it comes to me, i fucking loves cheese little romantic things like this, especially for someone who acts just like him. this is fueling my crush for him more and more 🤭🤭🤭🤭

WARNINGS: none

—————————————

u always had a little crush on dico

come on the guys funny and cute whats more there to love??

when u guys finally got together though its like u guys were just best friends

i mean u two were together CONSTANTLY

the guys started to get suspicious

“dico are u banging her or are u too just friends?” -bam

everyone genuinely couldnt tell if you were dating or not, hell ur the spitting image of eachother personality wise

when u too finally tell the guys the teasing begins

constant “oohs” and “aaahs” when u two would show anytype of affection towards eachother

the guys finally having something to tease brandon abt was a huge win for them

it was all fun and jokes

at first

then it started to be annoying so you and dico get together and start scheming

then it hits you two

to get back at the guys u decide to give them all their own little “hell days”

for bam u definitely wash all of his skateboards with soap and water on the grip side, hide some of his him cds, maybe even take the lambo out for a spin (for hours without telling him) u guys also fuck up his favorite shirts just for the hell of it

with ryan he really never picked on u guys a lot but just to make it equal u guys just do little psychological pranks on him, yk the whoopie cushion, fake shock gum, corny shit like that

with raab, dico and u probably just smack him in the face throughout the whole day, maybe take key key with u for a joy ride just to scare him a bit or burn his favorite beanie

oh god rake gets it the worst

being dicos best friend and all he made fun of yall CONSTANTLY ( prob to get back at dico for always bullying him)

dicos gonna get ruthless

woo de wolf impression all day, gay jokes upon gay jokes, probably tries to cut his hair and to top the day off, a gallon of yellow mustard on rakes head (DICO U BETTER RUN BITCH)

dico really wants to do rakes hell day by himself bc he loves fucking with him

you guys will get the nickname “diablos” (the devils twins) after all this

he probably is gonna get murdered for doing all this but hey nobody can stay mad at dico

hes too cute fr

—————————————

BONUS HEADCANONS BC I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT THESE!

will put u in his homemade video projects

imagine cudding with him while u too just crack jokes and hold eachother

WATCHING OLD TIMEY WESTERN MOVIES WITH HIM

“hey babe ive been working on this impression and i need your opinion on it”

you will try and kick his ass at mortal combat, and ultimately fail “they dont call me the record holder for nothing babe”

BUY HIM ACTION FIGURES HE WILL LOVE U FOREVER

does like to take u out on sappy romantic dates sometimes but also just likes to hang out with u, just ur presence alone calms him

his his nose and watch his fave turn red ‼️

ROAST BATTLES TO THE MAX, put on a beat and you two will go at it for hours, constant back and forth of you guys dissing eachother then having it turn oddly sexual then having it turn into roasting rake then back to the beginning again

putting on masters of the universe and cuddling to sleep 😩

—————————————

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! i have no clue if u wanted a actual fic or not but im shit at writing so this is the best i got, and im not turning down this idea bc it makes me giggle and get all giddy tbh 🤭🤭🤭

[butcherfoxes]

GRGRGGFGH ok so bioshock right. Well eleanor lamb is from bioshock 2 but the base knowleghe you need of bioshock is that This Motherfucker made a city underwater bc he sucks ass. and used the final pam morals of No Rules Just Right. WELL they discover The Slug That Gives You Superpowers and go hrmm how could we make a profit from this (the city is capitlism world except its worse than captilism bc the guy thought american captilism was Too good to poor people) anyway so they figure out if they put the slug in little girls they can make super power drugs. WELL now they have a bunch of freakish little girls running around and people keep killing the little girls to get the drugs which is No Bueno. so theyre like “hey!! lets take our prisoners and brainwash them so heavily they genuinely cant think of anything Except protecting the girls!” yay! ok so this chick Sofia Lamb comes to rapture to be an awesome psychiatrist who loves to help poor people and also shes a single mom. Well andrew ryan the guy who made the city is like hrm. helping poor people is bad. and has her arrested. and then custody of her daughter Eleanor goes to this other chick who Loses Her Immediately and now shes being taken care of by this other guy whos like man fuck them kids and sells eleanor to the little sister orphanage which is really a sort of factory to make the freak girls. except this is Before they figure out the “brainwash prisoners to protect the girls” so theyre still figuring that out. WELL they figure it out by expirimenting on this one guy Yay! so they do it some more to other guys and As It Turns Out if the brainwash dudes get seperated from their little sister too long they either Die or Go Insane oh fuck! anyway back to subject delta whos the first guy to have that bond and eleanor the first one to. also have that bond. ok so now eleanor is Really attatched to subject delta and calls him her father also shes like 7 years old. anyway so theyre chilling Yayy! except her mother sofia lamb escapes from prison and is like fuck youuu die thats MY daughter. die. forever. and kills subject delta and does Things so that eleanor isnt a little sister anymore shes just a little girl. ok so while delta is dead sofias like hrmm wouldnt it be awesome if we created the perfect person whos super awesome by injecting them with Every Drug? well this goes bad. also sofia is a cult leader now. so sofias like Well eleanor my young daughter should be immune to the drug bc she was exposed to the drug. so actually im going to raise my daughter completely isolated from everyone so she wont be tainted and the cult is going to revolve around this little girl sacrificing herself to be the perfect most special guy in the world. yay! Well 10 years pass eleanor is a Teenager now and figures out how to revive subject delta bc kind of her mom sucks. this is the start of the plot of bioshock 2 Well subject delta goes on this epic journey to save his adoptive daughter and makes Moral Decisions which is to say the player gets to make moral decisions. and this seemingly effects nothign until closer to the end where when (spoilers) delta saves eleanor by turning her into a badass big sister (girls with big knives) u get little Hints of oh ! oh my choices mattered ! bc eleanor will either be viscously murdering everything in her path Including Children and laughing maniacally abt it OR going lalala..dont hurt my dad ok..and i save the children..anyway skip to the end there are like a bunch of endings but the one my profile pic is inspired by is where (more spoilers) subject delta dies but also so does eleanors mom But Also so do all the little sisters but eleanor escaped the city so eleanor is Completely Alone and also she was born and raised in the city so this is her first time on the surface and basically bioshock 2 is like undertale 5 years before undertale

jaw dropp...this sounds so interesting ill likely never get into bioshock but that sounds cool as hell

[pwblogarchive]

August 2005

August 4, 2005

when i walked through the door there was a kid standing therein shorts and an argyle sweater. we went downstairs and played "through being cool" front to back. i knew we would be best friends forever.

this is my first memory of fall out boy. post yours. i wanna know.

yes yes we know everybody is hot. patrick is. joe is. andy is. because they are all good people. and that makes my heart beat.

yes, i am obsessed with the show 24. yes, i want to make a life with kim bauer and have 10,000 babies.

if you can find it inside to vote a couple more times for "sugar..." on TRL we would love you (oh who are we kidding, we do anyway). the info is in the news.

more dates for the nintendo fusion tour will keep being announced, so don't worry your pretty little head.

lets fall in love all over again from the start.

zzzzzz.

lately i have been feeling like i am just a headache for everyone.

08/04/05

question

what kind of guitars do you play? And who is better Joe or Patrick

answer

patrick is the love of my life but i cant deny joes doggie style. they are both pretty good in bed i guess.

question

did you really go out with Frank from my chemical romance?….oh and you and patrick are really hot!!!!

answer

i definitely have a boy crush on frank.

question

hey pete tell patrick he is hot. and ask him whats with the glasses?

answer

okay 2. i think they help him see

Other Q&As from this time that are undated

August 5, 2005

Hey. Updater.

Florida in august is a sweatlodge. Take my word for it you don’t want to know.

The kids here are amazing.

I lied. I’m sorry, please forgive me. We are selling the clandestine bartskull necklace at the clan booth on warped.

If you get a sec light up the trl lines for us with a couple of votes. You mean the world, either way.

August 12, 2005

I am the koolaid jammer. Romances last terrorist, locked away in the back watching emilio estevez and friends dance on the screen from deep in the back. Heyhey updater: the panic! At the disco record is still better than whatever you are listening to right now. Lets get married and move inside one of their songs. October fall is recording out in l.a. Right now. Get ready for big things babies. Me and patrick have been working on new songs already. Swoon. We’ve got an annoucement coming up really soon about a performance. We also did a pretty big interview that will be out in september… It covers a lot we haven’t ever talked about: getting bigger, me missing europe, etc… We’ve got some new merch coming soon and some special nintendo fusion show offers….

“Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen…”

Yeah I wrote a lyric for that song, guess which one… Ill be honest ryan writes circles around me….

August 18, 2005

dear warped tour,

even though you made us hot and dirty, we had the best summer of our lives and wanted to thank you.

thank you to every single one of you guys that came out, sang the words, crowd surfed, watched or came up to our signing and told us we suck (hehe).

the love is back on.

bigplans.

"we only do it for the scars and stories" still holds true. you don't even know, and im not telling.

- petey

August 19, 2005

Things I have been thinking about lately:

Warped tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that's showering and sleeping are fun too.

My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me with mikey way. I had to hit it. Its not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I'm in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online.

Writing messages on your arm for someon to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal.

On the topic of computers: lets stop talking like- u r lyKE soooooo Haawt.... My dogs can type bettere than that. And sending this I M "how come you're on my buddylist" or "who is this, is this really pete from fob" - honestly I love talking to people but these ones get instanlty rejected.

See also: peoples whose screenames are like: petehoppuslovespatrick65 - I know what the conversation is gonna be like already. I've had enough of them.

Oh yeah- mikey's screename is not xiheartweedx

I hear were a week away from retiring on trl. Lets do it. Cause honestly I'm not gonna live long enough to get retired from a real job (like 65?) we gotssss to party it up if it happens.

On us playing the vmas: we have this insane idea that mtv is considering. If they let us do it you may see something really insane. (Its not me and frank kissing in wedding dresses, or is it).

I hear there is a turbo voting thing for the vma on our front page.

Ill have a serious update later

Peter

August 19, 2005

The Warped tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that showering and sleeping are fun too. My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me in a mikey way. I had to hit it. It's not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I’m in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online. Writing messages on your arm for someone to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal

August 26, 2005

i should be in miami florida right now. stalking out jessica alba on a beach at night somewhere but instead i am lurking the internet from the safety of my parent's house. sorry i have been gone. there are plans afoot. i hate this hurricane nonsense- when we heard we were playing the VMAs we tried to come up with some hilarious stuff to do- you know- like first we suggested that we throw a big party on stage while we play and have some live deer and maybe two tranvestites dressed up like madonna and brittany spears, kissing- mtv was like: try again. so we rented space suits from a movie company and planned to play in those and kind of just smash eachother with our guitars- but now with this tropical storm mtv just wants us to actually be normal and play- hehe i'm sure we'll think of something. i need to go eat count chocula. we're putting some new gear into the clandestine webstore over at clandestineindustries.com and decaydance.com is up and you can preorder the panic! at the disco record along with the vinyl version of from under the cork tree. my hand has swollen to the size of a grapefruit, but if you think that looks bad, you should see the other guy, or in this case the wall.

if you get a chance, you could make our day and go over and vote for us a couple of times at FBRVOTE.COM - an easy way to do it...

ive got pees on my head but don't call me a pee head. bees on my head but don't call me a bee head. bruce lee's on my head but don't call me a lee head.

i'm crazy for you sparkle.

August 26, 2005

from the retirement home.

have i told you guys lately that you are the best?

our video retired on TRL today ONLY because of you.

thank you.

that is all.

- petey

August 26, 2005

on pete’s friends or enemies blog

August 29, 2005

Live from the defjam party.

I am in disbelief.

Everytime I question what I am doing, you prove me wrong.

We won the m2 vma. In my opinion the most important award of the night.

We weren’t sure.

I never should have doubted you.

You have NEVER let me down.

You make me proud to be in this band.

We aren’t the biggest. But you make us feel like we are.

We are in love.

More later.

Peter

August 30, 2005

the roc is still alive when fall out boy hits the mic.

can we say that we love you anymore.

you rbought it.

did you hear the collective gasp when they said fall out boy.

shock.

we were standing up to clap for our friends in My Chem, who we were sure had one.

we then realized we didn't know where to walk to or what to do.

we definitely noticed Usher give us the "WTF?" look when we went by him and hugged my chem.

we didn't write anything down, so we were very nervous when we got to the mic.

we dressed up like harry potter when we played so we would feel the magic.

we drove to the red carpet in a saturn and fell out cause we are broke.

we realize that beyonce quoted us. we wanted to return the favor "say my name, say my name- you're acting kinda shady aint callin me baby..."

jayz is the coolest. but luda is kinda close to as cool. and we have a super crush on christina milian. we are happy to be part of the defjamfam.

we realize that you made the world shake just for a second.

we want to pay you back with more than just a discount in our webstore. let me think of how.

one night can change it all. and you did that for me. so thank you.

- petey

[ladyledawn]

Living In Delusion

Decernment is having a feeling that something isn't right. Delusion is knowing that something isn't what it seems but still trying. Thats how I loved you. Never seeing just always believing in a dream that would never be. Even though I was seeing right before my eyes that the characteristics you displayed weren't aligning with the vision of the person I'm supposed to spend forever with I still believed, I still fought, I just dug myself deeper and deeper into this delusion that I probably wouldn't have ever come out. I made a playlist of songs I felt I could hear being a part of our wedding, but WHAT WEDDING? see? delusional. Anyways, im back to reality and now I have to delete that playlist. But because I really saw us and our guests vibing to these songs im going to leave them all here as a memory of what I thought could have been. 

To the husband in my delusion here is what I thought our wedding would sound like:

Wifey-Next

Sweet one-Wizkid

All the time-Ty Dolla $ign

Power Trip-J Cole

Banana Clip-Miguel

Best Part-Daniel Caesar

Yo-Chris Brown

Cuff it-Beyonce

U 2 Luv-Neyo

Poetic Justice-Kendrick Lamar

Bound 2-Kanye West

Do U Wrong-Leven Kali

Heard Em Say-Kanye West

Because Of You-Neyo

Not another love song-Ella Mai

Dont mess with my man-Nivea

Selfish-PnB Rocl

Comfortable-H.E.R

Lets get married- Jagged Edge

Gonna Love Me-Teyana Taylor

Hold You-Gyptian

You Got It-Bryson Tiller 

Good Life-Kanye West

Sunflower-Post Malone

The Matrimony-Wale

24/7-Meek Mill

Unpredictable-Jamie Foxx

You Changed Me-Jamie Foxx

Heaven-Jamie Foxx

Closer-Neyo

Let me know-Tamar Braxton

Knock You Down-Keri Hilson

Neva End-Future

Good Lovin-Jacquees

Lay It Down-Lloyd

Let Me Hold You-Bow Wow

No Guidance-Chris Brown

Getting Late-Syd

Too Close-Next

Turn Me On-Kevin Lyttle

Where The Party At-Jagged Edge

Beautiful-Snoop Dogg

No Games-Serani

Right By My Side-Nicki Minaj

How Many Drinks- Miguel

Harem-Miguel

Knocks Me Off My Feet-Donell Jones

Here I Am-Rick Ross 

Bound-Ryan Trey

Run It Up-YFN Lucci

[chrancecriber]

Chilltrax (May 11, 2023)

23:53 Aparde - Know You 23:49 Elderbrook - Wasted On You 23:48 C H I L L T R A X - Tcc Warm And Tender Ocean 23:43 Mass Digital - Thoughts Of U 23:40 Finding Mero - In Loving Memories 23:37 Chris Malinchak - When The World Stops Turning (Quiet Mix) 23:33 Approaching Black Feat. Avalon Mia - Fade Away With You ('lost In 84' Mix) 23:33 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 23:29 Kidnap & Pinkpirate - Things Change 23:25 Satin Jackets Feat. Ivy Falls - Different Directions 23:22 Rohne - Flicker (Faodail Remix) 23:16 Arkangel - Paradigm 23:11 Royksopp & Susanne Sundfor - Oh, Lover (Nto Remix) 23:11 C H I L L T R A X - Twcc High Standard Of Quality 23:06 Blank & Jones - Floatation 23:01 A.m.r & Lumynesynth - Unfinished 22:58 George Fitzgerald & Syml - Mother 22:54 Odsen - Retrospective 22:50 Eloi El - Stick Together (Blonde Maze Remix) 22:50 C H I L L T R A X - Chilltrax - Chill Out Piano 22:47 Drama - Don't Hold Back 22:43 Chill Cole - Liquid Life 22:39 Emmit Fenn & Shallou - Hollow 22:34 Max Cooper - A Model Of Reality (Tor Remix) 22:29 Marsh - Me & You (Joe Miller Remix) 22:29 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 22:25 Wassu & Mimi Page - Within Me 22:21 Henry Green - Shift (Edapollo Remix) 22:18 Sultan Shepard - Sirens 22:13 Beacon - Until Next Time 22:07 Shingo Nakamura - Come Closer 22:07 C H I L L T R A X - Organ The Chillout Channel 22:03 Electronic Bodyguards - Stronger (Pete Herbert Remix) 21:58 Eli & Fur - Better In The Dark 21:54 Kaskade With Project 46 - Chains Chilled 21:50 Rocket Empire - Astoria 21:47 Nils Hoffmann Feat. Gordi - No One Else 21:43 Kelela - Contact 21:43 C H I L L T R A X - Cleanliness Don't You Agree 21:38 Nicholas Gunn & Alina Renae - Angel Eyes 21:34 Parra For Cuva Feat. Kyson & Beau Diako - Ordel 21:29 Sons Of Maria - Are You 21:25 Farius - Coming Up (Hold On) (Dokho Remix) 21:20 Zimmer Feat. Fhin - Lost Your Mind 21:20 C H I L L T R A X - Slurry Toh 21:15 Heard Right & Oracle - There For You 21:12 Tep No Feat. Starzun - Hold Me 21:07 Ghenwa Nemnom - Story Of A Battle (Chris Zippel Remix) 21:02 Hoki - Memories Of Love (Dsf Remix) 21:02 C H I L L T R A X - World Comes To Chilltrax.com 20:59 Alampa - Playoff 20:55 Melosense - Nous 20:51 Gold Lounge - Higher 20:47 Satin Jackets & Panama - The Future 20:43 Duckmaw - Nox 20:43 C H I L L T R A X - Take Me Away! 20:38 R Plus & Faithless Feat. Amelia Fox - It's Enough (The Last High) 20:33 Rufus Du Sol - See You Again 20:28 Il:lo - Cynnes 20:23 Blonde Maze - Night Light (Hessian Remix) 20:19 Groove Armada - At The River 20:14 Valante - Vana 20:10 Two Lanes - Searching (Ct Fixup Mix) 20:07 Cannons - Hurricane 20:02 Cahelo - Bananaquit (Mass Digital Extended Remix) 20:02 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 19:58 Boerd Feat. Stella Explorer - Another Life 19:55 Everything But The Girl - Forever 19:50 Forty Cats & Arentis - Zen 19:45 Zhu & Yuna - Sky Is Crying 19:45 C H I L L T R A X - Retsyn 19:41 Morgin Madison & Ryan Lucian - From The Start (Mm Chill Remix) 19:36 Darius Feat. Benny Sings - Rise (Darius Remix) 19:32 Teemid - L.a. 19:29 Flexible Fire - Marea Turquesa 19:29 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Dzihan 19:24 Dj San & Sebastian Moore - In Your Eyes 19:20 Attom & Kwesi - Rogue 19:15 Eric Hilton - Forming Star 19:10 Steven Weston Feat. Tae - Same Dream 19:05 Andrew Nagy & Joel Winterflood - Little To None 19:05 C H I L L T R A X - E-chilled-music 19:02 Dex 1200 - Ongea Nami 18:58 Avira & Nourey Feat. Tom Bailey - Favourite Game 18:54 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 18:51 Holen - Not Too Late 18:48 Beacon - Pay My Debts 18:48 C H I L L T R A X - Fresh And Fascinating 18:44 Monkey Safari - Temple 18:39 Volen Sentir & Makebo - Into The Stars 18:35 Olan - Wake And Return (Little Dragon Remix) 18:31 Monolink - Turning Away (Parra For Cuva Remix) 18:26 Adisyn - Digital Heart 18:26 C H I L L T R A X - Glitchy Toh 18:21 Eli & Fur - Where I Find My Mind 18:18 Henry Green - Another Light 18:14 Arto - Now You're Gone 18:10 Kx5 Feat. Hayla - Escape (Chill Mix) 18:06 Phello - Timelapse 18:06 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 18:01 Above & Beyond - Believer (Marsh's Guatape Remix) 17:58 Reel People & Paula - Vibe (Moods Remix) 17:53 Nicolas Godin - The Border 17:50 Rocket Empire - Lima 17:46 Andre Aguado - Through The Night 17:42 Mango & Cloudcage - More Than This 17:42 C H I L L T R A X - Something I Should Tell You 17:37 Two Lanes - Belong 17:34 Satin Jackets Feat. Tailor - Somewhere In Paradise 17:30 Tycho Feat. Rum.gold - Run Away 17:26 Tennyson - Iron 17:23 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 17:18 Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy (Oakenfold Remix) 17:18 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Freesound 17:15 Jones Meadow & Clara Mendes - Em Baixo 17:10 Royksopp - Me&youphoria 17:07 Heard Right & Fløa - Enough 17:03 Chris Malinchak - Cellophane 17:03 C H I L L T R A X - Worldschilloutchannnel Orbit 16:59 Jan Blomqvist & Malou - Alone 16:56 Aftruu - Falling Asleep 16:52 Deep Sound Effect Feat. Svetlana Voice - Dreaming About You (Dj Aristocrat Remix) 16:49 Lost In Pacific & Hanging Valleys - Escape 16:44 Melosense - Story To Remember 16:44 C H I L L T R A X - Jimpster 1 16:40 Everything But The Girl - Caution To The Wind 16:36 Christian Loffler Feat. Menke - Lys 16:33 Finding Mero - In Loving Memories 16:28 Steven Weston Feat. Lapsley - Like I Used To 16:24 Moon Boots Feat. Nic Hanson - Keep The Faith 16:23 C H I L L T R A X - Chill Out Chilltrax 16:20 Il:lo - Ink 16:16 Xixi Feat. Kwesi - Close To U 16:12 Drama - 3am 16:08 Duckmaw - Distant Worlds 16:08 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 16:02 Sons Of Maria - Close To Me 15:58 George Fitzgerald & Syml - Mother 15:54 Eric Hilton Feat. Brian Jackson - Something For Byrd 15:49 Double Touch Feat. Reigan - All I Want 15:49 C H I L L T R A X - Parents Magazine Seal 15:44 Elderbrook - Wasted On You 15:40 Sound Quelle Feat. Daniel Robinson - Tempest 15:35 Circle Sky - Your Name 15:32 Chill Cole - Liquid Life 15:26 Zero 7 - On My Own 15:26 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 15:22 Vandelux - All I've Ever Known 15:19 53 Thieves - Waves 15:15 Rohne - Twelve 15:11 Kx5 & Sofi Tukker - Sacrifice (St Mix) 15:08 Che Jose Feat. Jodie Knight - Freedom (Mass Digital Remix Edit) 15:08 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel, Chilltrax 15:03 Leaving Laurel - The Family We Find 14:59 Ry X & Olafur Arnalds - Oceans 14:54 Eli & Fur - Better In The Dark 14:51 Sum Wave - Milkyway 14:46 Mango - Skyline 14:45 C H I L L T R A X - Cool Refreshed Smooth As Can Be 14:40 Be Svendsen - October Letters (Page 2) 14:36 Flexible Fire - Amatista 14:33 Nils Hoffmann Feat. Malou - About You 14:28 Arkangel - Paradigm 14:24 Emancipator - Baralku 14:24 C H I L L T R A X - Slurry Toh 14:19 Heard Right & Oracle - There For You 14:15 The Knocks Feat. Muna - Bodies (Tycho Remix) 14:10 Zaven - Voliere Amplitude 14:07 Emmit Fenn - The Chase 14:07 C H I L L T R A X - Be Svendsen World Comes 14:02 Chris Malinchak, Kiesza, Malin - Tree 13:58 Maxxim - Waterfalls 13:54 Alampa - Playoff 13:50 Feiertag Feat. Tessa Rose Jackson, Oli Hannaford - Yearn 13:50 C H I L L T R A X - Glitchy Toh 13:46 Palladian - Zagara 13:42 Blonde Maze - When You Move 13:37 Northern Form - Mend 13:33 West & Zander - Silfra 13:33 C H I L L T R A X - Take Me Away! 13:28 Max Cooper - A Model Of Reality (Tor Remix) 13:24 Attom - Distant Memories 13:21 Baynk Feat. Drama - 1 Chance 13:17 Melosense - Nous 13:13 Shallou Feat.wales - Begin 13:13 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 13:09 Satin Jackets Feat. Mandy Jones - In This Life 13:04 Sg Lewis - Lifetime 13:00 Approaching Black - Sensitive 12:56 Gareth Emery - St Mary's 12:56 C H I L L T R A X - Chilltrax - Chill Out Piano 12:53 Everything But The Girl - Forever 12:48 Cahelo - Bananaquit (Mass Digital Extended Remix) 12:44 Sebastian Davidson Feat. Lewyn - Second Hand Love 12:40 Fabio Vee & Mike D' Jais - Consolation 12:37 Giants' Nest - Purple Beach 12:36 C H I L L T R A X - This Is The Way 12:31 Dj San & Sebastian Moore - In Your Eyes 12:28 Kaskade - Where Did You Go 12:24 Woven - Brushes 12:21 Morcheeba - The Moon (Kutiman Remix - Version B) 12:14 Royksopp - Sordid Affair 12:14 C H I L L T R A X - Ct The Backward Chillout Channel 12:10 Sons Of Maria - Outbound 12:07 Cannons - Loving You 12:03 Diplo Feat. Rhye - Mmxx - Xii 11:59 Farius - Coming Up (Hold On) (Dokho Remix) 11:59 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Dzihan 11:55 Leisure - Slipping Away (Flight Facilities Remix) 11:51 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 11:48 Vintage & Morelli - Once Upon A World 11:44 Kidnap - Start Again (Kidnap Piano Mix) 11:43 C H I L L T R A X - Cleanliness Don't You Agree 11:39 Two Lanes - Searching (Ct Fixup Mix) 11:34 Mass Digital - Little Things 11:30 53 Thieves - Heights 11:26 Rocket Empire - Astoria 11:26 C H I L L T R A X - Glitchy Toh 11:20 Arley & Sirolf - One Day 11:15 Pilots Of Peace - Fallin 11:10 Nicholas Gunn & Alina Renae - Angel Eyes 11:06 Elderbrook - The End 11:06 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 11:00 Volen Sentir & Makebo - Into The Stars 10:56 Christian Burns - Everywhere 10:52 Reel People & Paula - Vibe (Moods Remix) 10:48 Deep Lo - Lost In You (Soire Remix) 10:43 Ferr By Ferry Corsten And Rich Walters - Limbo 10:43 C H I L L T R A X - We Are The Music Makers 10:39 Eli & Fur - You And I 10:35 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 10:31 Jean Vayat & Evelynka - My Soul 10:28 Jones Meadow & Clara Mendes - Em Baixo 10:23 Leaving Laurel - Take Your Time (Extended Mix) 10:23 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Freesound 10:19 Morgin Madison & Ryan Lucian - From The Start (Mm Chill Remix) 10:15 London Grammar - How Does It Feel 10:12 Sultan Shepard - Sirens 10:07 Blonde Maze - Being Pulled (Polar Inc. Remix) 10:02 Ry X & Olafur Arnalds - Colorblind (Whomadewho Remix) 10:02 C H I L L T R A X - Street Life Worlds Cc 09:58 Approaching Black - New Life 09:54 Jan Blomqvist & Malou - Alone 09:49 Kaskade & Late Night Alumni - Save Yourself 09:46 Finding Mero - In Loving Memories 09:40 Royksopp Feat. Pixx - How The Flowers Grow 09:36 Kelela - Enough For Love 09:36 C H I L L T R A X - Retsyn 09:32 Flexible Fire - La Cumbre 09:28 Xixi Feat. Kwesi - Close To U 09:24 Billie Eilish - Everything I Wanted (Aquadrop Remix) 09:20 Lipless & Blue Noir - Alone 09:15 Blank & Jones - Floatation 09:11 Chicane Feat. Moya Brennan - Saltwater (Chicane Slow Tide Remix) 09:11 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 09:07 Kidnap & Pinkpirate - Things Change 09:03 Cannons - Tunnel Of You 09:00 Giants' Nest - Heart Void 08:56 Hausman & Lumynesynth - Faded 08:56 C H I L L T R A X - Organ The Chillout Channel 08:52 George Fitzgerald & Syml - Mother 08:49 Dex 1200 - Ongea Nami 08:46 Lapsley - 32 Floors 08:42 Khotin & Tess Roby - Fountain, Growth 08:39 Melosense - Lost In Gruvv 08:39 C H I L L T R A X - Magnifyingglasssogood4u 08:34 R Plus & Faithless Feat. Amelia Fox - It's Enough (The Last High) 08:29 Missfeat - The World Before (Niko Garcia Remix) 08:25 Arto - Now You're Gone 08:20 Running Touch - Why Do I 08:17 Zero 7 Feat. Danny Pratt - 400 Blows 08:17 C H I L L T R A X - Escape 2 Music 08:13 Odsen - Retrospective 08:08 Steven Weston Feat. Tae - Same Dream 08:04 Zimmer Feat. Panama - Wildflowers 08:01 Chill Cole - Liquid Life 08:01 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 07:57 Mansionair & Vandelux - Empty Promise 07:52 Eli & Fur - Better In The Dark 07:47 Emi Ca - Just Breathe 07:43 Rezident - Wellenlainge 07:43 C H I L L T R A X - Something I Should Tell You 07:40 Leisure - Be With You 07:36 Wassu & Mimi Page - Within Me 07:32 Washed Out - Too Late 07:27 Billion Watchers - Rainman 07:22 Thievery Corporation - From Creation 07:22 C H I L L T R A X - Slurry Toh 07:18 Heard Right & Oracle - There For You 07:14 Ferr By Ferry Corsten And Youth Novels - Hands 07:11 Kx5 & Sofi Tukker - Sacrifice (St Mix) 07:05 Royksopp & Susanne Sundfor - Oh, Lover (Nto Remix) 07:00 Monolink - Take Me Away 07:00 C H I L L T R A X - World Comes To Chilltrax.com 06:57 Aftruu - Falling Asleep 06:53 Alampa - Playoff 06:49 Satin Jackets - For What We Have 06:45 Sons Of Maria - Don't Tell Me I Can't Have It 06:42 53 Thieves - Two Days 06:42 C H I L L T R A X - Worldschilloutchannnel Orbit 06:37 Leaving Laurel - The Family We Find 06:34 Emmit Fenn - What Falling In Love Is For 06:29 Arkangel - Paradigm 06:25 Evren Furtuna - Enceladus 06:20 Sound Quelle & Tailor - Where We Should Be 06:20 C H I L L T R A X - Valante Io Toh 06:15 Kraak And Smaak Feat. Izo Fitzroy - Twilight 06:11 Fakear - Crystal 06:07 Melosense - Can't Replace You 06:04 Lost In Pacific & Hanging Valleys - Escape 06:04 C H I L L T R A X - Fresh And Fascinating 06:01 Giants' Nest - Flower Burst 05:57 Everything But The Girl - Forever 05:52 Sg Lewis Feat. Lucky Daye - Feed The Fire (Kassian Remix) 05:49 Tomb - Unbound 05:45 Alampa - The One 05:41 Kelela - Contact 05:41 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel Redux 05:36 Max Cooper - A Model Of Reality (Tor Remix) 05:32 Two Lanes & Panama - Rolling Back 05:27 Chris Malinchak - Saving My Love 05:23 Duckmaw - Distant Worlds 05:18 Massive Attack Feat. Hope Sandoval - The Spoils 05:18 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Dzihan 05:13 Eli & Fur - Where I Find My Mind 05:09 Flume Feat. Emma Louise - Hollow (Logic1000 Remix) 05:05 Valante - Vana 05:02 London Grammar - Lose Your Head 05:01 C H I L L T R A X - E-chilled-music 04:58 Floa & Phonic Youth - Falling Away 04:54 Flexible Fire - Amatista 04:51 Tep No & Noak Hellsing - I Won’t Need You 04:47 Andrew Nagy & Joel Winterflood - Little To None 04:43 Tescana - Benissa 04:43 C H I L L T R A X - Escape The Noise 04:38 Dj San & Sebastian Moore - In Your Eyes 04:35 Twoworldsapart & Panuma & Nina Carr - Slippin' 04:30 Zaven - Voliere Amplitude 04:26 Odesza Feat. Maro - Better Now 04:23 Washed Out - Far Away 04:23 C H I L L T R A X - Backward Rvb Where World Comes 04:18 Forty Cats & Arentis - Zen 04:14 Cannons - Loving You 04:11 Forester - Symphony 04:08 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 04:08 C H I L L T R A X - Take Me Away! 04:04 Alex Hook Feat. Rene - You Showed Me 04:00 Reel People & Paula - Vibe (Moods Remix) 03:56 Eric Hilton Feat. Brian Jackson - Something For Byrd 03:52 Lliam And Latroit Feat. Brea - Someday (Latroit Edition) 03:52 C H I L L T R A X - Something I Should Tell You 03:48 Elderbrook - Wasted On You 03:44 Armin Van Buuren & Matoma Feat Teddy Swims - Easy To Love 03:39 Double Touch Feat. Reigan - Greatest Day 03:34 Il:lo - Cynnes 03:29 Kaskade & Inpetto - How Long (Kaskade's Ice Mix) 03:29 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Freesound 03:24 Nicholas Gunn Feat. Chris Howard - Thought Of You 03:20 Embliss & Lumynesynth - Phases Of The Moon 03:17 Jones Meadow & Clara Mendes - Em Baixo 03:13 Phello - Timelapse 03:13 C H I L L T R A X - Twcc High Standard Of Quality 03:09 Melosense - Nous 03:04 Shallou - Fading 03:00 Jan Blomqvist & Malou - Alone 02:57 Flexible Fire - Marea Turquesa 02:52 Joy Orbison Feat. Lea Sen - Better 02:49 Satin Jackets & Panama - The Future 02:48 C H I L L T R A X - Chilltrax - Chill Out Piano 02:44 Bonsaye - Viaje 02:40 Two Lanes - Searching (Ct Fixup Mix) 02:36 French Braids & Matt Hartke - Heaven On Loan 02:32 Jos & Eli & Eli & Fur - Riffs Of The Night 02:29 Chill Cole - Liquid Life 02:25 Pablo Nouvelle Feat. Rio - Wish You Were Here 02:25 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Cymbal Roll Bass 02:21 R Plus & Faithless Feat. Amelia Fox - It's Enough (The Last High) 02:16 Blonde Maze - A Break In Continuity (Forty Cats Remix) 02:12 Holen - Not Too Late 02:09 Sault - Wildfires 02:09 C H I L L T R A X - Extraordinary Craftsmanship 02:05 George Fitzgerald & Syml - Mother 02:01 Rocket Empire - Astoria 01:57 Heard Right Feat. Phoebe Tsen - Pulling Me Under 01:53 Odesza Feat. Olafur Arnalds - Light Of Day (Parra For Cuva Remix) 01:49 Feathervane & Oreonic - Overcast 01:49 C H I L L T R A X - The Chillout Channel, Chilltrax 01:46 Vandelux - All I've Ever Known 01:42 Cannons - Bad Dream 01:39 Sultan Shepard - Sirens 01:35 Tep No - Say What You Wanted 01:30 Disclosure - Moonlight 01:30 C H I L L T R A X - Escape 2 Music 01:27 Sum Wave - Milkyway 01:23 Monolink - Turning Away (Parra For Cuva Remix) 01:19 Solomon Grey - Home 01:15 Arto - Now You're Gone 01:15 C H I L L T R A X - Toh Moon Boots 01:11 53 Thieves - Lyd 01:07 Eli & Fur - Better In The Dark 01:02 Deep Lo - Lost In You (Soire Remix) 00:59 Feiertag Feat. Tessa Rose Jackson - Riptide 00:59 C H I L L T R A X - Musique Nonstop 00:54 Nicholas Gunn & Alina Renae - Angel Eyes 00:50 Lp Giobbi Feat. Dj Tennis & Joseph Ashworth - All In A Dream 00:45 Rodriguez Jr. Feat. Liset Alea - What Is Real (Deep In The Playa Mix) 00:41 Woven - Brushes 00:41 C H I L L T R A X - Slurry Toh 00:37 Evelynka - Letting Go 00:32 Royksopp Feat. Astrid S - Let's Get It Right 00:28 Eric Hilton - Artifact22 00:22 Steven Weston Feat. Tae - Same Dream 00:19 Jones Meadow - Expect 00:19 C H I L L T R A X - Be Svendsen World Comes 00:16 Lar - Collide (Jody Wisternoff & James Grant Remix) 00:13 Satin Jackets Feat. Tailor - Spell 00:09 Alampa - Playoff 00:05 Sons Of Maria - Outbound 00:00 Vintage And Morelli Feat. Arielle Maren - The Light (Flexible Fire Remix) 00:00 C H I L L T R A X - Street Life Worlds Cc

[kaylinlmao]

COULD U DO A PART TWO/A MORE DETAILED VERSION TO THIS WHERE U GO INTO DEPTH ON THEM GASLIGHTING, MANIPULATING, ECT YOU UNTIL UR CRYING IN THEIR ARMS N HOW THEY COMFORT U AFTER BEING SO CRUEL <333

Of course! Here ya go! This is a seperate imagine but more detailed like you asked. Thanks for requesting! Love ya! Based off the song Love The Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna. Reader has abandonment issues. Boys are 19, reader is 18

I was standing up screaming at my boyfriends. "YOU KILLED HIM! HE WAS JUST GETTING A BOOK OFF THE SHELF FOR ME! GOD! YOU'RE ALL SO TOXIC! I'M GOING TO THE POLICE!" I said, and walked out of the Robin's living room. His mom was at work and I walked in on them MURDERING a guy who was helping me out while I was volunteering at the library. "Baby, please come back." Finney said, grabbing my wrist. "Hermosa, we love you but what are you talking about?" Robin said after I sat down.

"You killed Ryan. He was helping me at the library. I'm short and I couldn't get the book off the top shelf." "Don't you remember dollface?" Vance asked. "Remember what?" "Sugar, he was touching your ass while he was reaching for the shelf." "I know. He apologized after and said it was an accident!" "Pumpkin, we heard him talking to his friends. It wasn't an accident." Griffin said. "See angel, we were helping you." Finney added.

"What?" "Do you really want us to leave? We will sweetheart" Bruce said. "Just like your dad did" "Just like when you left us the night we got taken by the Grabber" The guilt began to flood my chest as I started to cry and Finney pulled me on his lap. "M'sorry. Don't leave me. Please." I cried, sobbing into Finney's shirt. "Oh, pumpkin." Griffin said. "We'll never ever leave you, peach" "You're ours."

"Forever"

It was short. But. Does it matter the length?

Love y'all! :) -Kaylin

[shyanshippingsociety]

Shyan Shipping Society Fic Promo - May & June 2022

last post

Hey everyone! I’m so excited to bring you our May/June fic promo masterlist!

May 

Shane needs cuddles by TokyoTiger91 | G, 900, complete

No one knows Shane is an omega. He has an unusually bad heat and has to call out sick. Ryan gets worried and comes over because he's not answering his phone and they always manage to text even when one of them is sick.

/r/relationship_advice by ouijaboy | T, 1K, complete

Posted by u/ThrowRA22datesoverme 4 days ago

I (31M) am starting to resent my best friend and business partner (36M). How do I snap out of this?

I guess, I guess, I guess this is the end by mummifiedgoose | T, 5K, complete

"Just as quickly as the interaction occurred, it had ended. And Shane had been left to grapple with his own death. An imminent one coming far too soon. And then whatever would be left once his corpse was reanimated. He hoped he wouldn’t be aware of it."

It's the zombie apocalypse. While Shane, Ryan, and a few of their surviving co-workers make their daring escape to the rooftop for a military evacuation Shane get's bit. Ryan is forced to leave him there as Shane transforms into a zombie, losing all sense of who he is and becoming a grotesque, hungry, creature. Years later Ryan and co. returns to the Buzzfeed offices and Ryan comes face to face with his zombified best friend. Shane nearly kills him but has a realization; He knows this man.. this is Ryan... this is his best friend. Slowly, Shane's humanity is restored. Miraculously, It's his love for Ryan (and vice versa) that brings him back.

And he’s Blue by BittyBergara | T, 800, complete

Shane Madej was a mystery he wanted to unravel.

Stim Boys Drabble Collection by Gilded_Quill | T, 12K, on-going

A collection of one-shots and drabbles based on a list of Autism-Centric Writing Prompts.

Featuring Stimming, Special Interests, Hyperfixations, Meltdowns, and two boys navigating the highs and lows of neurodiversity. Each chapter will be a stand-alone, and their relationship status won't be consistent throughout. Nor will the timeline be.

June

Stars in Your Soul by Blue__Jay | M, 31K, in-progress

Shane can't avoid the truth any longer and Ryan comes to a decision. The course of their friendship is altered forever.

the gang goes to hell by TokyoTiger91 | E, 700, complete

He knew how frightened Ryan was of demons and hell so he wasn't at all offended when Ryan was frightened of him at first. He just asked him because he knew how upsetting it would be for Ryan if he just disappeared one day, it was quite frankly a shock to him when Ryan agreed.

Gotcha by juicyjucky | E, 8K, complete

“Wait! Shane don’t-“ He gets cut off by the sight of Shane sitting at the edge of the bed with Ryan’s laptop in front of him, open. They both freeze as Shane meets Ryan’s eyes just as he enters the doorway with a hand outstretched too little too late. Shane’s expression is indiscernible and Ryan is extremely tempted to turn around, open the front door, take a long walk and disappear into the ocean forever.

---

Shane discovers something new about Ryan

if you want to read some more fics, you can always check out our ao3 collection! see you soon! ♡

[wizkiddx]

without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x  I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition. 

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.  

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down. 

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold. 

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite. 

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms. 

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness. 

“You sure? You dont really sound it?” 

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?” 

“Not… not right now. Please?” 

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand. 

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

 You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom. 

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with. 

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together. 

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side. 

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line. 

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie” 

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’. 

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom. 

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person. 

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove

[tapejob]

Sorry late ask but for the opinion bingo: Geno, Cam A., Brass, Beezer, TK, Coots, Pavs, Holtby

a beautiful mesh of the boys 🥺 ily

geno: (x)

atkinson:

everything about flyers cam breaks my heart but also half of that is also me severely projecting so c'est la vie. there's something very aughhh. heartbreaking about someone coming in so in love with your city and your team and full of confidence about the season and seeing in real time what happens to the team they were so initially enamored with crumble despite being the best scorer trying to raise it up. it's not like he had super big ties to the city, he literally came in this season and now he's being subjected to all of this. it's like watching in real time someone falling out of love. it kind of hurts. i hope he gives us a second chance, but i also really really don't.

brassard:

everyone but *my anon is wrong about them <3 i'm just along for the ride and getting sucked into the narratives while clutching my ex-flyer/rental player feelings. the projection is strong with this one but i really really hope he finds happiness. and also that archibald chokes on a stick and that brass gets to reclaim his rightful place. also that he feels better soon and heals up. i want a lot for him including being an unexpected playoff star and also being able to find home. lots of that

farabee:

bee's hair is so fucking sick and the way his face fits him is truly so correct. there is no other way a guy named bee should look. side note i think there's a little hockeys category called guys with sick flows and interesting mouths and i think both mitch and bee belong in there. that being said the whole future captain narrative for bee and the fuck ass franchise pressure rn when he should be ripening into his prime years is very oomph. insane about it. he's the narrative foil of atkinson for me in which he was a high scorer franchise face born and bred to play here forever, he loves it so much. but he's just as stuck here as his predecessors and there is probably nothing he can do about it anymore

tk: (x)

couturier:

aw coots. i'm sorry. not a bingo luckily! but all of his friends are dead or dying off, it sure seems like the end of an era now. forever the only selke winner. he's been a little quiet this season, and i hope he gets some rest

pavs: (x)

holtby:

BINGO! i'm saying wasted potential here because i was really looking forward to seeing what happens with him the full season, but unfortunately he got sidelined with the injury :( sorry mate, i hope u recover quick. for all the posts about holtby missing his caps friends and wanting to go back i see u and acknowledge u and love u so much but i've also got him cemented in my little dallas goalie polycule spot :') i hope he's enjoyed his time here and would love to see him come back but we'll just have to see what happens... also i am talking abt dallas twt fans when i say stfu about him being a bust signing. ryan suter is right there

[default-cube]

So I've never actually seen /u/ryans01 excellent post re-posted here on tumblr, and I think it could help a lot of people, so I'll repost it below. Link to the original

Ouch. Sounds like you're having a tough time max. That sucks. I've been there, so I kinda know what you're talking about. I've been in the ever circling vortex of self doubt, frustration, and loathing. It's no bueno. I know. If you don't mind lemme tell you a couple things. You can read em if you want, read em again later if you feel like it. But honestly man, if I spend all this time typing this out to you and you don't let it be a little tinder for your fire, well, you're just letting us both down. And you don't HAVE to do that. You don't HAVE to do anything. But you get to choose.

(Who am I? My name’s Ryan and I live in Canada. Just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot of my success to people much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it’s a way of thanking them. )

Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didnt' do anything all fucking day and it's 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you're in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex goin, that's what you're used to. Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget.

La deuxieme regle - yeah i learnt french. its a canadian thing. please excuse the lack of accent graves, but lemme get into rule number 2. BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU'S. Uh what? 3 me's? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you's homeslice. There's the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you's are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you've done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that's all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me's is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It's future and past you). Tired as hell and can't get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? fuck you present self, this one's for future me, i'm gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I'm doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? fuck you present self, this one's for my best friend, the future me. I'm up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it's gotta be non zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing. that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.

Rule number 3- don't worry i'm gonna too long didnt' read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down. seriously. you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF. I mean it. Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn't do it. Now you're giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? so what. I forgive you previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one's for you future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.

Last rule. Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words. exercise and books. that's it. Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). when you exercise you clear your mind. when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we've all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step! (nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do? Read 7 habits of highly successful people. Read "emotional intelligence". Read "From good to great". Read “thinking fast and slow”. Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. (how's them pullups coming?) Reading is the fucking warp whistle from Super Mario 3. It gets you to the next level that much faster.

That’s about it man. There’s so much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days, but that’s not your mission right now. Your mission is nonzero and forgiveness and favours. You got 36 essays due in 24 minutes and its impossible to pull off? Your past self let you down big time, but hey… I forgive you. Do as much as you can in those 24 minutes and then move on.

I hope I helped a little bit max. I could write about this forever, but I promised myself I would go do a 15 minute run while listening to A. Skillz Beats Working Vol. 3. Gotta jet. One last piece of advice though. Regardless of whether or not reading this for the first time helps make your day better, if you wake up tomorrow, and you can’t remember the 4 rules I just laid out, please, please. Read this again.

Have an awesome fucking day ☺

tldr; 1. Nonzero days as much as you can. 2. The three you’s, gratitude and favours. 3. Forgiveness 4. Exercise and books (which is a sneaky way of saying self improvement, both physical, emotional and mental)

Edit: Wow reddit gold? Thanks! No idea what to do with it or whats the deal but many thanks!

Edit2: Someone asked what I meant by "much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days". The long and short of it is a simple truth, but it's tough to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND PRACTICE. It's this: you become what you think. This doesnt mean if I think of a tree, I'll be oakin' it by august. It means that the WAY you think, the THINGS you think of, and the IDEAS YOU HOLD IN YOUR MIND defines the sum total that is you. You procrastinate all the time and got fear and worry goin on for something? You are becoming a procrastinator. You keep thinking about how much you want to run that 5 k race in the spring and finish a champion? Are ya keeping it in mind all the time? Is it something that is defining your ACTIONS and influencing you DECISIONS? If it is, then you're becoming the champion you're dreaming about. Dreaming about it makes it. Think and it shall be. But do not forget that action is thought's son. Thoughts without actions are nothing. Have faith in whatever it is you've steeled your mind to. Have faith and follow through with action.

Ok, Ryan that's a bunch of nice words n shit, but how does that help me turn slightly nonzero days into hugely nonzero days. Do you believe all these words you just read? Does it makes sense to you that you BECOME WHAT YOU THINK OF? Ask yourself: What do I think of? When you get home and walk in the door. (how quickly did you turn that laptop on? Did turning it on make you closer to your dreams? What would?) At the bus stop. Lunch break. What direction are you focusing your intentions on? If you're like I was a few years ago, the answer was either No direction, or whatever caught my eye at the moment. But no stress, forgive yourself. You know the truth now. And knowing the truth means you can watch your habits, read books on how you think and act, and finally start changing your behaviour. Heres an example: Feeling like bunk cause you had zero days or barely nonzero days? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING. and change just a little bit more. in whatever positive direction you are choosing to go.

Edit3: WHOA! This blew up! Major appreciation to Modified_Duck for making this cool ass image: http://i.imgur.com/7xsp7hJ.png

Edit4: Another AMAZING DESKTOP BACKGROUND! http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/1rowpb/i_made_a_wallpaper_from_uryans01s_amazing_quote/

[autumnsart22]

Oikawa x reader ch. 12

Sorry for the angst this chapter 🤭 Hope you still enjoy though!

Kuroo flicked me hard on the cheek. “Wrong again! Damn, this isn’t that hard.” 

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “Chemistry is so boring!” 

Kenma looked up from across the table briefly from his game. “I wouldn’t say that, Y/n-san. Kuroo is a chemistry nerd. He loves it.” 

Bokuto laughed loudly in agreement, Akaashi snapping at him to get back to work. 

It was Sunday afternoon, and I sat at Kenma’s dining room table with Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kenma. Exams were coming up, and all of us were cramming as much studying in as possible. I had decided to tag along with the captains and setters of Fukurodani and Nekoma, knowing that they could help me with some of my work. 

I let out a pathetic moan, shoving my science homework aside. “I can’t! My brain is fried, it’s too much!” 

“Take a break,” Akaashi suggested. “Come back to it later.” 

I sighed, sliding out of my chair. “How about I don’t come back to it later?”

Kuroo chuckled. “I hope you know you’re never going to pass your chemistry exam, sorry.” 

I flipped him off, turning to Kenma. “Wanna play Mario Kart?” 

The Nekoma setter glanced up from his game, eyeing me. “Really?”

“Dude I love Mario Kart, why wouldn’t I want to play?” The long haired boy moved faster than I had ever seen. “Ok, I’ll set it up.”

Bokuto whined. “Akaaashiiii please let me play? I don’t want to write this anymore.”

Akaashi sighed. “Bokuto-san, you’re failing English. You need to study if you’re going to pass.” 

“But--!” 

“Fine, but only twenty minutes.” 

Bokuto whooped, and I covered my mouth to hide my smile. I noticed red staining Akaashi’s cheeks, and I glanced at Kuroo. The black haired captain was smirking as he surveyed the two Fukurodani players, and I resolved to ask him about it later. 

Bokuto and I raced to the living room, where Kenma sat cross legged on the rug. A few controls were already laid out, and I positioned myself next to Kenma. 

As we played, we got insanely loud, even Kenma. The short boy won every round, but I got kind of close on our third game, which caused him to start shouting louder than I had ever heard. Bokuto was the worst, flipping off the road more than actually driving and laughing giddily as he collided with other cars. 

After our fifth round playing, I threw down my control in defeat. “Dammit Kenma, can’t you just let me win one??” He smiled a little. “No, definitely not.” 

“Are you guys done?” Kuroo called from the kitchen. 

I scrambled from my spot on the floor, grabbing Bokuto’s arm. “Time to get back to work!” 

The Fukurodani captain groaned but followed me back into the kitchen, Kenma trailing behind. 

As I took a seat at the table, my phone dinged. I pulled it from my pocket, feeling my stomach leap as I saw Oikawa’s name across the screen. I opened the message, smiling a little as I read it. 

Oikawa

Hey Y/n-chan! R u free this saturday? 

Y/n

Ya why? 

Oikawa

There’s apparently a big volleyball club party happening in the city

Y/n

Oh cool with all the local teams? 

Oikawa

Yeah, and its at this big club 😱

Y/n

Sure ill come :)

Oikawa

Do you have a ride? I can drive you

Y/n

R u sure? I can drive myself

Oikawa

No I want to drive u

Y/n

Haha ok if you say so

Oikawa

🤩

Ill pick you up at 6 on saturday

I laughed a little, setting my phone down, only to find everyone at the table staring at me.

“What?” I asked. 

“Who were you just texting?” Kuroo asked, and I blushed furiously. 

“No one.”

“Hm...right.” 

Before I could blink, Bokuto snatched my phone off the table, clicking the screen and reading the last text from Oikawa. 

“OHOHOOOO, Mr. Pretty Boy from the beach!” He yelled. 

“Seijoh’s captain?” Kuroo asked. 

I groaned. “Stoppppp, he was just asking about a party this weekend.” 

“Then why are you blushing so much, Y/n-san?” 

Everyone at the table laughed and I buried my burning face in my hands. 

            ✨✨✨✨

Apparently the party at the club was going to be huge, even bigger than the beach one. Karasuno was going, as well as Nekoma and Fukurodani. 

I debated for way too long on what I should wear, eventually facetiming Kiyoko for support. She was wearing a glittery gold cocktail dress, so I didn’t feel bad about wearing my skin tight black body con dress. 

I usually didn’t wear much makeup, but I ended up putting on shimmery eyeshadow, eyeliner, and lip gloss, dressing the whole look down by wearing my adidas sneakers. 

At 5:46, I was so nervous, I felt like I was going to puke. I paced around my room, tugging on my dress and second guessing everything I was doing. God, I needed to calm the fuck down. It was just Oikawa, and it wasn’t even like we were going alone. 

I looped my bag over my shoulder, jogging down the stairs. I snatched my phone from the charger on the kitchen table and scrolled through my snapchat. Kiyoko was already at the club, proven by a video on her story of Tanaka and Nishinoya dancing together in the middle of a crowd, lights flashing different colors in a confusing blur. 

As I clicked over to instagram, I heard a knock on the door and froze. I practically fell out of my chair as I scrambled over to the door, flinging it open. 

Oikawa leaned against the side of the house, dressed in jeans, black shirt with a matching black bomber jacket, a pair of glasses sliding down his nose. My heart thumped, and I pressed my hands together to keep them from shaking. 

“Hey,” I said, smiling. 

Oikawa looked up and froze, eyes wide. “Y-You-”  His gaze moved down my body, his lips partying slightly as he let out a breath. “You look great.” 

I bit my lip and laughed a little. “Thanks. You do too.” 

He raked his hand through his hair, looking slightly flustered. Clearing his throat, he smiled radiantly. “Are you ready?”

“Yup! How long is the drive?” We walked together to the car, and he opened the door to the passenger side for me. I tugged down my dress as I slid onto his leather seat, and Oikawa set up directions on his phone to the club. 

“How is the rest of the team getting there?” I asked. 

Oikawa shrugged. “No clue. I think most of them are hitching Ubers so they don’t have to worry about getting drunk.” 

“Very responsible,” I grinned. 

“Speaking of responsibility…” he whipped a joint and passed it to me with a lighter. I took it, sticking the end in my mouth, lighting it, and taking a large hit. “Hey save some for me!” He cried. 

As we drove, top down, we blasted Harry Styles at full volume. I stood up with my hands in the air, the night air whipping across my skin and making me feel like I was flying. 

It was a way shorter drive than I expected, but parking took forever. Cars were lined up all down all the surrounding blocks, and we had to find a spot a few blocks away. As we walked, Oikawa smoked the remainder of the joint and we poked fun at each other. 

As we approached the club, there was a line of people out the door and down the block. I groaned when I saw it, but Oikawa spotted Iwaizumi and a few other Seijoh players closer to the door, so we slid down the line to be with them. 

“Woah, Y/n, you’re looking fine as hell!” Yuda smirked. I felt Oikawa stiffen beside me, but I laughed out loud. 

“Thanks Yuda, that means a lot.” 

As we got closer to the doors, music echoed into the night, practically shaking the sidewalk. My adrenaline was spiking, and I bounced on my heels in excitement. 

Iwaizumi looked a bit more stoic, and I leaned over to him to whisper in his ear. “Hey Iwa, how are you doing? Is your mom ok?” 

Iwaizumi smiled and touched my arm, nodding. “Yeah, thanks for asking. She got back from the hospital yesterday, and she’s doing a lot better.”

“Oh that’s great to hear!” 

He nodded, and I looped one of my arms with his, the other with Oikawa on the other side. “I’m glad you guys are here with me,” I said, smiling. “I’m glad I met you.” 

“Aw, chibi-chan, no need to get so sentimental,” Oikawa smirked, poking my shoulder.

I pushed him lightly, but sighed. “I’m serious. I really thought that Aoba Johsai was going to be a terrible fit, but I’m so lucky to have you guys as friends.” 

I didn’t notice the slightly pained expression on Oikawa’s face, or the pitying one Iwa shot his friend, practically screaming friendzoned.

Iwaizumi ruffled my hair. “I’m happy you ended up coming to Seijoh and becoming our manager too. I wish you had joined earlier so we could have spent more time with you in high school.” 

Oikawa opened his mouth to add something, but we reached the front of the line. By that point, the music was so loud that we had to shout to be heard over it. The bouncers at the front waved us through after we showed our student IDs, marking us as part of a local volleyball team. Apparently one of the local players had rented out the entire club for this party. 

As I entered the club with Iwaizumi and Oikawa on either side, I was momentarily overwhelmed. The huge dance floor was covered with people, colored lights flashing wildly across their writhing figures, smoke hovering in a cloud over the entire scene. The music pounded so hard, it was like I was feeling it in my chest. 

My body automatically began to move, dragging me towards the mass of people. I grabbed Oikawa’s hand, pulling him along behind me as we entered the chaos. 

“Call on Me” by Starley and Ryan Riback began to pound through the speakers, and I jumped up and down wildly, holding Oikawa’s hands and laughing until I was practically wheezing. 

“Y/n-chan?!” I looked over to see Daichi and Suga emerging from the crowd, both of them looking a little breathless. I laughed giddily and hugged both of them, still dancing to the music. Oikawa also reintroduced himself, which was a little awkward over the volume of the music, but they were all civil. 

“There’s a karaoke bar downstairs!” Suga yelled over the music, having to repeat himself a few times for me to finally hear him. 

“Karaoke? Ooooh, fun. Oikawa, wanna go?”

“Yeah sure, and I can show you my amazing singing skills!” 

“You’ve already shown me, and they were terrible, Oikawa-chan.”

“So mean!” 

We made our way out of the crowd together, wandering through some twisting hallways and getting lost multiple times before we finally found the stairs. A huge group of people were gathered down by the karaoke machine, and I spotted Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Hinata among them. 

“Hey guys!” I cried, joining them. Hinata glared at Oikawa when he noticed him, but for once I was glad Kageyama wasn’t with him. At least that tension could be avoided for the time being. 

“Y/n-chan!” Bokuto crushed me in a hug. “You ready for some karaoke?” 

I smirked, tossing my hair. “Of course! Not to brag, but I’m a pretty good singer.” It was partially the truth; my mom had forced me to take singing lessons throughout junior high, and I had kept it up a bit in high school, so my voice was decent. Definitely not what could be considered very good though. 

Bokuto ended up singing a slow Adele song to Akaashi, completely wrecking it with his horrendous voice. The Fukurodani setter seemed touched though, so I didn’t make fun of the captain that much. 

I didn’t notice Oikawa disappear from beside me as a few more songs went by, but he reappeared after only a few minutes, grabbing my arm and tugging me to his chest. 

“Wanna do a duet?”

I laughed. “Of what song?”

“Juice, by Lizzo,” he smirked. “Basically describes me, so it’s perfect!”

“But that’s not a duet--!”

I heard the beginning of the song starting on the speakers, and my eyes went wide as saucers. “You already requested it?!” 

He shrugged. “Yup! Now let's go!”

He practically dragged me to the front, where we were handed two microphones. Oikawa began to sing almost immediately, his confidence making up for his horrible voice. The ridiculous way he wriggled around made me instantly more comfortable, so I threw caution to the wind and became his backup singer. 

“If I’m shining everybody wanna shine…” He belted out. 

“Yeah I’m goals!” I screamed. 

 “I was born like this, don't even gotta try--” “Now you know!”

“I'm like chardonnay, get better over time.”

 “So you know!”

“Heard you say I'm not the baddest, bitch, you lied!” 

The song ended, and I wrapped an arm around his waist to keep from collapsing from laughter. We stumbled off the stage together, making our way back to Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Hinata, who all applauded us as we approached. 

“I have to send you this video, Y/n-chan! It’s classic,” Kuroo said, gesturing to his phone, where a video of Oikawa and I’s performance played. 

“HA! Please do.” 

Oikawa turned to me, checking his phone. “Iwa is wondering where I am, so I’m going to try and find him. Want to come?”

I nodded. “Yeah, just one sec. Can I meet you up there? I’ll call if I can’t find you.” 

Oikawa nodded, flicking me on the nose. “Don’t get lost, chibi-chan.” 

I ended up staying with Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi for another ten minutes. Kenma had apparently flat out refused to go to the club, and Kuroo had decided not to force him. Akaashi handed me a few different drinks as I talked to them, so when I finally decided to head back upstairs, I was walking a little crookedly. 

Miraculously, I found Iwaizumi almost the instant I got to the second floor. “Heyyy, Iwa!” 

“Y/n-chan, there you are! Oikawa was just going to look for you,” he grabbed my arm so I wouldn’t stumble. “Damn, you’re wasted.” 

“Do you know where Oikawa went? I-I want to find him--” 

Iwaizumi gave me a knowing look, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, he went that way. Just try not to say or do anything you’ll regret tomorrow. ” 

I giggled, face flushing. “I’ll tryyy.” 

Iwaizumi patted me on the head, pointing towards the crowd again. “He’s somewhere over that way. If you can’t find him after a few minutes, come back. I’ll be waiting right here, got it?”

I nodded, already turning away. All my fog filled brain could think of was finding Oikawa and telling him...something. Did I really want to confess how I felt? My sober brain screamed absolutely not, but my drunken head said YES. 

The second I entered the crowd, it was like entering utter chaos. I was bumped from all sides by dancers who paid me no attention, the smoke in the air making everything hazy, the smell of sweat and marijuana reeking from everything. I could barely make out the faces of the people around me because of the darkness, the only lumination coming from the colored flashing lights above our heads. 

I pushed on, not paying any attention to the people around me. My eyes scanned the dark shadows for a familiar figure, but it was too confusing to be able to tell who was who. 

“Y/n!” I whirled around to see Kiyoko squeezing between two people, her gold dress flashing as she moved. She gripped my hands, a wide smile on her face. “I’m so glad I found you!” 

“Kiyoko, how are you doing!” 

“Good! This is hella fun!” Her usually reserved way of being had been completely overturned, probably by alcohol. 

“I know right? Hey, have you seen Oikawa?” 

Kiyoko’s glasses flashed. “Oh my god, yeah actually! He was just looking for you!” “Really? Which way did he go?” 

She pointed, and I hugged her tightly. “Thanks! I’ll try and find you later, ok?”

She nodded, and I moved in the direction she had indicated. “Gas Pedal” by Sage the Gemini came on, and I laughed out loud as girls all around me began shaking their asses. 

I pushed past a line of four people grinding on each other, and my heart leapt as I finally found Oikawa. He had ditched his jacket somewhere, and his hair was pushed back and messy as he danced. Iwaizumi and Kiyoko had said he was looking for me but…

I felt all the blood drain from my face as I watched a tall, skinny girl with long black hair wrap her arms around his neck, one of her hands trailing down his chest. He smirked down at her, eyes dark and greedy, and I took a step back. I suddenly felt cold stone sober, and my hands began to shake. 

 As I watched, unable to tear my eyes away, as the girl turned around and began grinding her ass against Oikawa, and he grabbed her hips. 

The music pounded through my brain and I finally forced myself to move. Whirling around, I almost fell as I crashed into another person. 

“Oh-sorry,” I gasped, looking up and blinking in surprise. 

“Hello again.” The guy from the beach, with the serious expression and olive hair looked down at me. “Are you ok?” I swallowed, forcing back tears as I focused on the guy in front of me. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m so sorry, I think we’ve met but I don’t remember your name.” 

“It’s Wakatoshi Ushijima.” 

“Right! I’m Y/n L/n. It’s good to see you again, Ushijima.” 

He nodded, eyes sweeping down my short dress, and he tilted his head. “Do you want to get out of this crowd?” 

I paused, feeling something in my chest tighten. No, I wanted to turn around and smack the girl Oikawa was with in the face. I wanted to shake my captain and ask him why didn’t he look at me like that? 

But there was another attractive guy right in front of me, and he was looking at me with a slightly glazed expression. I smiled up at him through my lashes, licking my lips and nodding. “Let’s go.” Ushijima’s hand was fucking gigantic as I pulled him through the crowd, keeping my head down so hopefully no one I knew would recognize me. 

I noticed Iwaizumi by the wall where I left him, and I walked by quickly, praying he didn’t see me with Ushijima. I told myself it didn’t matter even if he did; I was allowed to have as much fun as I wanted. I had no obligations to anyone. 

It didn’t take very long to find a hallway away from the party where no one was, and I glanced up at Ushijima. He stared down at me, his eyes intense, and I leaned toward him, my hands going to his chest. 

The second I moved, his broad hands wrapped around my waist and pushed me up against the wall. I gasped as his mouth crashed against mine, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hands running through his hair. I shoved all thoughts of Oikawa from my mind and let myself get swept away. 

Oikawa POV:

I moved through the crowd of people, eyes scanning for Y/n. I hadn’t seen her in awhile, and I was suddenly worried. 

The tall girl with the black hair tugged on my arm. “Baby, I’m not done with you,” she purred. 

I gave her a death glare, tugging out of her grip. “Fuck off, that was a mistake. I’m looking for someone right now.”

She pouted, but I was already moving away. I spotted Iwa by the wall, and sauntered over to him. “Iwa-chan! You don’t look like you’re having much fun--” “Oikawa, did Y/n find you?” He said, eyes serious. 

“Huh? No, I was looking for her…” “She came up here asking about you, so I pointed her in the right direction.” “I haven’t seen her, but she’s probably around here somewhere.”  I could see clearly something else was on his mind. “What’s wrong?” 

“She walked by just a second ago. She looked upset and....she was with Ushijima.” 

I felt my stomach drop. Oh god no. 

“Which way did they go?” I said, by voice completely blank of emotion. 

Iwaizumi pointed, and I began to move quickly, shoving people out of the way in my haste. 

I ran down a hallway, turning the corner and feeling my entire body go completely numb as I finally spotted her.  

She was pushed up against the wall, hands running through his hair as she kissed fucking Ushijima. The tall ace of Shiritorizawa had one hand on her waist, the other running along her ass as he let out a low groan. 

I moved without thinking, so angry I could barely see. I ripped Ushijima off of Y/n, shoving him as hard as I could, so he stumbled backward. He was bigger and stronger than me, but I had the element of surprise. While he was still off balance, I charged him, knocking him on his back and punching him as hard as I could in the face. He grunted, and I felt something crack under my knuckles. 

Y/n was screaming behind me, trying to pull me off, but it just made me more furious. Was she trying to defend him? 

Ushijima was attempting to cover his face, but I began to slam his head into the floor over and over. 

“Stop Oikawa, you’re going to kill him!!!” I felt a pair of strong arms grab me around the neck in a chokehold, dragging me off of Ushijima and throwing me against the wall. Iwaizumi pounded me on the chest, his eyes furious. “Look what you’re doing, Shittykawa! You’re scaring her.” 

My eyes moved to Y/n, her eyes filled with tears and her hands over her mouth in horror. Ushijima lay on the ground a few feet away, face covered in blood. All I could see was him kissing her. 

Iwaizumi let go of me, and I slammed my fist into the wall as hard as I could, feeling my skin tear and knuckles crack. Y/n let out a sob, and I turned and strode away down the hall. I was too angry to be here anymore. 

As I walked away, I heard Iwaizumi behind me. “I’ll take care of Ushiwaka. You go stop Oikawa before he does something else completely stupid.” 

Y/n POV: 

What had I done? Ushijima lay on the ground, his face completely fucked up, and Oikawa stalked away down the hall, blood dripping from his knuckles. It was utterly my fault. 

I was terrified, but not of Oikawa. No matter how angry he was, I didn’t think he would do anything to hurt me. I decided not to second guess that assumption as I spirited down the hall after him. Now was not the time to be afraid. 

“Oikawa!” I yelled, but he didn’t pause. “Oikawa, stop!” I grabbed his wrist, and he whirled around, eyes furious. 

“Get the fuck off me,” he snarled. 

“No! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“With me?” His eyes were wild as he raked his hands violently through his hair. “You’re the one who was about to fuck Ushijima!” 

I gaped at him. “I wasn’t...wait, you know him?”

“He’s the captain of Shiratorizawa!” He yelled and I felt my stomach drop. Oh god, I didn’t know…

“I-I didn’t--” “Who gives a fuck! Who it was doesn’t matter anyway!” “Then why do you care so much if I kissed him?” I shouted, clenching my fists. “You don’t give a fuck about me, so why the hell did you have to beat the shit out of him if it wasn’t because of who he is?”

“I don’t give a fuck about you?” Rage was boiling beneath every word. 

“No! Go back to that dumb bitch you were with before if you want to feel better about youself!” 

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” He snarled. Realization suddenly dawned in his eyes, almost instantly replaced with fury. “Maybe I will! Even she’s not as much of a whore as you.” 

I felt like I had been slapped. A whore? That’s what he thought of me? Tears pricked behind my eyes. “You fucking asshole.” I stepped back. “You act like you’re better than everyone all the time, like you’re so perfect, but really you’re just a piece of shit!” 

“God, you couldn’t possibly be any worse,” he hissed, eyes dark. 

Tears spilled over my cheeks, and took another step back. “I-I am done with you. Stay the fuck out of my life.” 

I whirled around, not looking back as I ran down the hall. 

The rest of the night passed in a blur. I somehow found Kiyoko and Daichi, but I was crying too hard to explain exactly what had happened. Apparently, Karasuno had been about to leave anyway, so I left with an entourage of tall, angry boys surrounding me like bodyguards. Yamaguchi held my hand tightly, and Kageyama looked like he was about to murder whoever had made me cry. 

I noticed Suga talking to Iwa as we left, and an ambulance pulled up in front of the club. Hopefully Ushijima was ok. I couldn’t find it in myself to care very much. 

Asahi drove Kiyoko, Tsukki, Yamaguchi, Tanaka, Nishinoya and I home, but I was silent the whole ride back, entering some form of shock. 

Kiyoko walked me up to my house when we got dropped off, holding my hand so tightly it hurt. “Y/n, Suga told me what happened. Breathe ok? I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.” 

I felt my body begin to shake. “K-Kiyoko...I think I just…” I clamped a hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t throw up. “I think I just completely ruined my friendship with the guy I’m in love with.” 

My friend looked momentarily shocked, but she began to shake her head. “No, no, that’s not true, Y/n-chan. He’ll forgive you.” 

“No,” I began to sob. “He thinks I’m some sort of horrible slut. Oh god, he hates me.” 

Kiyoko hugged me tightly, quickly opening the door to my house and pulling me inside. “Ok, ok, it’s ok just get it out.” 

She led me upstairs, helping me strip out of my party clothes, washing off my face and gently brushing out my hair. For once, I was happy that my parents were so busy most nights. 

 It was 4 in the morning by the time she ushered me into my bed, curling up next to me and hugging my tightly. I fell asleep to her murmuring in my ear, but I couldn’t help but think how much better it would feel if Oikawa was there instead. 

Chapter 11

[smalltragedy]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows.