#rwby archester

[arc-misadventures]

The Lady’s Next Door

The 'Milf next door' when she says she just going to say 'hi' to that cute blond boy your daughters friends with.

Kali

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Why do you want to do that, Mom?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Why are you dressed like that?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Why do you want to talk to, Jaune?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Is it because he's a human?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: He’s just my friend, Mom, he is not another, Adam waiting to happen.

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Jaune: Hi, Blake. Oh, hi Ms. Belladonna!

Kali: I just want to fuck him.

Jaune: Beg pardon?

Blake: What?!

~~~

Raven

Yang: Hey, Mom, I’m sorry, but can you do me a favour?

Raven: I don’t wanna.

Yang: Mom! Come on! I just need you to watch over my friend till I get back.

Raven: Back, back from where?

Yang: Blake got…?!

Raven: No! Say no more, since it involves your ‘girlfriend’ I can assume it’s something illegal.

Yang: She’s not my girlfriend!

Raven: But, was it illegal?

Yang: …

Yang: Well…

Raven: Ha! Love the bad girls don’t you? Fine, I’ll watch over your friend. Who is it you want me to babysit; It better not be the, Schnee girl! I swear I’ll shoot her one of these days if she…?

Yang: No, it’s not, Weiss. It’s, Jaune. Jaune’s coming over.

Raven: J-Jaune…?

Yang: Yeah, we’ve got a school project we’re working on together, and Jaune wanted to get ahead of the game. So he asked if he could come over here so we could work on it. Is that okay?

Raven: Jaune coming over here…? T-That’s fine! I’m totally fine with that tasty snack…?! I mean! That fine young man coming over here. W-When is coming over…?

Yang: In… half an hour-ish?

Raven: Half an hour? That gives me plenty of time… Time for a shower, and time to put on something spicy~!

Yang: What was that?

Raven: Nothing! Go, and save your girlfriend!

Yang: She’s not my girlfriend, Mom!

Raven: And, I’m not about to get laid, now get going!

Yang: Alright! Alright! I’m going.

Yang: …

Yang: Wait, ‘Get laid?’

~~~

Summer

Ruby: Mom?

Summer: Yes, sweaty~?

Ruby: What are you wearing?

Summer: A bikini.

Ruby: Why?

Summer: Well, your friend, Jaune is coming over to help clean the pool, so I thought I’d give him a show~!

Ruby: A what?

Summer: I thought I’d get a suntan.

Ruby: Oh… Then why are you taking the sunscreen?

Summer: So I don’t get sunburned silly.

Ruby: Okay, do you want me to…?!

Summer: No! No, noo, no. I’ll ask, Jaune to put it on~! That way I get those big muscular hands all over me, feeling me up~! Oh gods~!

Ruby: What was that mom?

Summer: Nothing~!

(Ding dong~!)

Summer: Oh? That must be my boy toy~! Coming!

Ruby: Boy what…?

~~~

Willow

Jacques: Willow! Where are you! Blasted, where is that drunkard!

Willow: …

Jaune: …

Willow: Well, that was close…

Jaune: Yeah… too close.

Willow: Jacques would have thrown an absolute fit if he caught one of, Weiss’s friends snooping about the mansion.

Jaune: I wasn’t snooping, I was lost.

Willow: In a supply closet?

Jaune: I thought it was, Weiss’s room.

Willow: Not even close dear.

Jaune: Okay… but can you open the door, you shoved us in here to get away from, Jacques, and this broom closet is rather cramped.

Willow: No can do… my hands are stuck here… Feeling your broad chest~! Y-You’ll have to open the door yourself.

Jaune: Okay fine… where is the door knob…? Eh? What is this, a pillo…?!

Willow: Ohh~!

Jaune: Ahh?! S-S-S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to…?!

Willow: Jaune?

Jaune: Y-Y-Yeah…?!

Willow: Harder~!

(Ziiiip!)

~~~

Athena

Athena: So tell me, why are you in such a panic to clean up, our already clean house?

Pyrrha: Ooooh… My teammates are coming over, so I wanted to spruce the place up for their visit.

Athena: Your teammates…? Does that mean… Jaune is coming too…?

Pyrrha: Yeah, he’s coming too.

Athena: I see… Well, then I hope he’ll enjoy visiting us in our humble abode~!

Pyrrha: Uhh… Mom? Your top has come undone.

Athena: It’s a little hot here, I just want to cool off.

Pyrrha: It’s not hot in here at all?

Athena: Oh~? What makes you think that?

Pyrrha: Mom, your top has come undone again.

Athena: So it has.

Pyrrha: Mom, I can see you bra.

Athena: And?

Pyrrha: Mom, do up your blouse, unless you want my friends to stare at your breasts.

Athena: So long as it’s him, I don’t mind if he stares, or even copes a feel. I’ll be very happy by the end of it all~!

Pyrrha: C-Cope a feel? Who are you talking about?

~~~

Carla

Carla: So that’s the, ‘loser twerp’ you’ve been bullying?

Cardin: Yeah, his name is, Jaune Arc, complete loser.

Carla: Jaune Arc…? Jaune ArrrrrrrrrC~! Hmm… Rolls off the tongue.

Cardin: Pff! That’s part of the idiot’s stupid catch phrase.

Carla: What catch phrase?

Cardin: “The nAme’S JaUNe ArC; roLLLs of tHE tonGUE! LaDIEs Love it” Pff! How stupid can you be?

Carla: ‘Love’s it?’ So, he is the boy you are being forced to apologize to?

Cardin: Yeah, the teacher says they’ll end my two month long detention early if I apologize to him… I have no intention of apologizing to that loser.

Carla: I see… You know what, Cardin. How about I apologize on your behalf?

Cardin: You’ll do that?

Carla: Of course! He may not accept it, but he’ll at least get that apology he is owed.

Cardin: You’ll do that? Thanks, Mom. I probably would have decked him in the face if I went over there to apologize to the loser.

Carla: Then I best go over there. Don’t worry sweetie, I’ll make sure he accepts your apology. After all, what better apology can a boy get than fucking his bully’s own mother~?

Cardin: W-What was that…?

~~~

Ruby

Ruby: Amethyst, honey? Why are you dressed so… slutty?

Amethyst: Oh… uhh… Parent teacher conference is tonight…

Ruby: I’m aware…

Amethyst: Yeah… so… Professor Arc is coming over to…?!

Ruby: Jaune?! J-Jaune’s coming over here?

Amethyst: Yeah, he told me so himself.

Ruby: So, you’re dressing like a slut to seduce him?

Amethyst: Yeah… That is the plan…

Ruby: Nonono! That won’t work at all honey! He won’t give you so much as a fleeting glance if you dress up like some common harlot!

Amethyst: He won’t?

Ruby: No! You need to dress in something more conservative, something that shows nothing, but something that emphasizes everything~!

Amethyst: Like what?

Ruby: I’ll show you after I’ve seduce him~!

Amethyst: What?! But, I want to sleep with him first!

[archesterhome]

Cardin: I think I like Jaune

Sky: Water is wet

Dove: Grass is green

Russel: The sky is blue

Cardin: What are you guys doing?

Sky: I'm sorry, I thought we were stating the obvious

----

Jaune: I think Cardin likes me

Nora: Congrats! You're officially the last to know

[ficretus]

Jaune ships by percentage of AO3 ratings

I looked up each ship's breakdown of AO3 ratings. Only ships with more than 1% representation will be included. As for total amount of fics of each ship tag, I previously made that graph.

According to this data, when factoring just E rated fics, "lewdest" ship here is Jaune x Glynda (63,96%) followed by Emerald (61,59%) Velvet (58,42%) Nora (54,44%) and Winter (51,85%)

Ships with lowest percentage of E rated fics are Jaune x Pyrrha (25,34%), Cardin (25,98%) Ruby (28,36%) Weiss (40,5%) and Yang (43,48%)

However, since there are sizable chunk of smut fics that are M instead of E rated, I'll also use E+M metric.

In that case, "lewdest" ship is still Jaune x Glynda (87,82%) followed by Velvet (85,15%) Winter (80,56%) Emerald (80,13%) and Neo (77,43%)

"Purest" ship according to this metric is Jaune x Cardin (37,8%) followed by Pyrrha (47,76%) Ruby (49,55%) Ren (59,43%) and Weiss (62,29%)

[lwde-encrusted-sideblog]

~In the Shower Room~

Jeanne: Cardina! What are you doing?

Cardina: *Following Jeanne in* Tsch! What does it matter? I'm just sizing myself up to ... you ...

Jeanne: Look, I know your Taller, but really? the Shower? Have you no shame?

Cardina: *Shocked Jeanne's Breast size* ... whoa ...

Jeanne: Please don't do this now ... I'm so tired of this stuff.

Cardina: Huh? Y-Yeah! Sorry! I gotta go check on the girls! Sorry!

~Later that Night~

Cardina: Stop thinking about her boobs. Stop thinking about her boobs. Stop thinking about her boobs.

Cardina: *Closes Eyes*

Cardina: *Boobs*

Cardina: ... Shit.

Cardina: *pulls out scroll* I can't get some Nerd's tits out of my head, am I gay?

[rainbow-multishipper]

Okay, I'm caving, I'm asking. Archester rwbaby? ~archester-draws

Ohhh no, I love him.

Meet SISKIN ARC, currently training with Aunt Yang to try and take a hit without crying!

Thanks for the suggestion! Remember ask box is OPEN for Ship Summaries, Headcannon Requests and Ship Trials!

[idontknowwhattocallthisanymore]

Jaune: Fuck you

Cardin: You promise?

Jaune:

Cardin:

Jaune: wha-

Cardin: NOTHING

[misterlazer]

Nora: Do you ever wonder why Cardin bullied you so much?

Jaune: No, I figured he was just a jerk.

Nora: Have you considered that he might be...

Jaune: Might be what?

Nora: That he might be a Tsundere?

Jaune: What? Nora, those don't exist.

Nora: But it's a possibility!

Later

Cardin: *Pushing Jaune against a wall* You think you're so cute Arc? With your beautiful blue eyes and adorable smile. Well, I'm not falling for you!

Jaune: Umm... what!?

[invincibleweasel]

Pyrrha sitting in her fujo throne as she watches Jaune make out with Ren, Neptune, Cardin and Mercury.

[illusory-torrent]

sorry arkos fans this was just hilarious

[howdoyoudothedew]

Cardin (Little Miss Perfect)

Rated: G

Pairing: Archester (Jaune Arc/Cardin Winchester)

Word Count: ~700

Despite having blackmailed Jaune, Cardin was rarely ever alone with him. As was his own plan. If he ignored Jaune as much as possible, he could ignore the way his heart fluttered around him like something small and weak. Cliched. Falling for the straight guy. Even after they formed a weird friendship, after Jaune stood up to him, after Cardin apologized, he kept that space. Still, they end up alone in Cardin’s team dorm, at the little bench he’d set up next to the window within his first week at Beacon so he could watch the stars. Neither of them are in armour. Like they can actually trust each other enough to be vulnerable. Though Cardin knows it’s only because it is night. As soon as Jaune leaves this room, he’ll probably get ready for bed even if he won’t sleep. A socked foot nudges his own. Cardin looks up to see Jaune standing over him. Wisps of blonde frame his face unevenly and the lights from outside play in his eyes like glowing stars. There’s a chuckle. A smile much softer than Cardin could ever deserve gets directed down at him. His body warms, spreading out from his chest and into his extremities like a campfire. Jaune tilts his head and his hair brushes his collarbone.

“You’re not paying attention, are you?” Jaune’s voice isn’t accusatory. If anything, it’s amused. The corner of his mouth lifts in a smirk. “Am I not entertaining enough? Do I have to get you to blackmail me again?”

Cardin snorts. A harsh, inelegant sound that makes Jaune’s smile widen so Cardin can see the incisor that grew in crooked. Whatever breath that’s in his lungs feels like it gets stuck there. Jaune’s eyes are closed. He reaches out and his hands grip onto the collar of Jaune’s shirt. There’s a confused noise from Jaune, but it gets cut off as Cardin pushes up at the same time he pulls Jaune down. Their lips connect. His brain blocks everything out except the pressure. Except warmth. They're soft. They’re chapped and smooth in uneven patches. Just as Cardin figured they’d be from all the times he’s seen Jaune biting at them. Once they part, the air stuck in Cardin’s lungs finally releases. Opposite it a shaky breath is taken. Cardin’s eyes snap open and all he can see is his own reflection in Jaune’s wide eyes as Jaune stares down at him.

Every bit of warmth leaves at once. He pushes Jaune away hard. No no no. This isn’t something he can do. He can’t. It’s not- It’s not good, it’s not worth it, he won’t be the gay guy who falls for the straight guy. He won't be. He can’t be. Love isn’t even anything he really knows, not like this. Jaune looks confused and Cardin turns his head to look out the window. “Get out.”

“Car-”

“Get out!” Cardin barks. It’s quiet for a moment, an audible indicator of Jaune’s hesitation, before footsteps and the door closing. The second it does Cardin curls into himself. The glass is cold where he presses his side to it. He breathes deeply until it stops hitching oddly.

In the quiet he drifts. Eventually the door opens behind him again, but he’s not clear on how much time passed. It feels like a lot. At the same time, it doesn’t feel like enough. He doesn’t look over. The possibility is so low because of his actions tonight, but he doesn’t want to take the chance Jaune actually came back. A hand settles on his shoulder. He glances at it just enough to see chipped, sparkly silver nail polish. Like a balloon he deflates.

“Cardin?” Russel asks.

“What did I do?” Is all Cardin can say. There are no tears in his eyes nor emotion in his voice. When Russel sits down next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders, Cardin leans into him.

[arc-misadventures]

An Arc’s Revenge

Juniper: So… Let me get this straight… There’s a kid at school named, Cardin Winchester?

Jaune: Yes.

Juniper: And, this kid tends to bully you at school.

Jaune: Among others, but it’s mostly him.

Juniper: And, he’s been bullying you by knocking your stuff over, shoving you around, and general blackmail you into doing his school work.

Jaune: He also shoved me into a rocket launcher, and sent me flying.

Juniper: H-He did what?! Okay, no… let’s, let’s just put that on the back burner for now.

Jaune: Okay.

Juniper: So, you decided to come up with a plan to get revenge on, Cardin for all the things he has done to you. Now, instead of coming up with some elaborate prank that would totally humiliate him. You decided to go the opposite route… and, fuck his mother?!

Jaune: Yeah, pretty much.

Juniper: Why the hell would you do that?!

Jaune: Well, at first at went to, Carla…?!

Juniper: Mrs. Winchester! You are not getting on any friendly ground with her bucko!

Jaune: Okay… I went to, Ms. Winchester, and asked her if she could give me any information on, Cardin. What are his biggest fears, secrets he doesn’t want exposed, things like that. She understood I wanted to get revenge for all of his bullying. But, then, Ms. Winchester purposed a plan that would really upset, Cardin.

Jaune: That I fuck her.

Juniper: Wait! This was her plan?!

Jaune: Yep. Apparently she wanted to teach, Cardin a lesson too, and she thought, ‘What better revenge can a guy get, than fucking his bully’s mom.’

Juniper: Are you kidding me?! That seriously can’t be the reason behind why she slept with you?!

Jaune: Well, she also mentioned some things about… a dry spell, sexy blonds. And, something else afterwards about being sexually satisfied? I wasn’t sure what she meant by that.

Juniper: Good gods! Okay, I’m going to have a word with, Ms. Winchester. Acheius, you go talk to your son I… oh gods…

Acheius: Jaune, I can’t believe you would do something so childish!

Acheius: Nice job out there son! That’s a pretty dame you bagged out there!

Jaune: Ehhh… What?

Acheius: And, with a woman twice your age too!

Acheius: Juniper actually wanted me to bang her to get back at the husband for what she said to, Juni. He died before I could.

Jaune: Mom wanted you to do what now…?

Acheius: I can’t believe that my son would stoop to something so low, and depraved! Didn’t I teach you better?!

Acheius: Your mom would have done it herself, but she was pregnant at the time.

Jaune: You didn’t teach me any…?! Wait, Mom would have done it?!

Acheius: I can’t believe my son would do such a thing… I am so disappointed in you…

Acheius: I’m so proud of you! Here’s 200 Lien, treat the lady to a nice dinner!

Jaune: Okay…?

Acheius: You are ground for a week… No! A…?!

Juniper: Jauney~!

Acheius: Uh oh…

Jaune: Y-Yes?

Juniper: After much consideration, and discussion with, Carla. I approve of your relationship with her.

Jaune: You do?

Acheius: Beg pardon?

Juniper: Yes, Carla is a kind, and caring widow who is searching for a lover to share her life with, and we both agree that you are that man!

Jaune: Okay…?

Juniper: So you two go on, and have a wonderful time together, okay dear?

Jaune: What the hell is going on…?

Juniper: Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have a world with my new BFF~!

Jaune: ‘BFF?’

Jaune: Dad… What the fuck just happened?

Acheius: I have no idea… One moment she’s screaming at you for bedding a woman twice your age, now she getting all buddy, buddy with her; I haven’t the faintest clue what just happened.

Juniper: Oh, Jaune?

Jaune: Yeah?

Juniper: Remember: If you use a condom your pee-pee will fall off! Okay? Bye~!

JA: …?

JA: Ohhhhhhhh…

Jaune: That certainly explains the 180 she just performed.

Acheius: Yeah. Your mother has always had a thing for babies…

Jaune: I know…

Jaune: She’ll kill me if I don’t knock, Carla up within the month won’t she?

Acheius: Maine you at worst.

Jaune: Shit…

[archesterhome]

[sirazaroff]

i cant reply to you because its a side blog, but THANK YOU! :D -archester-creations

@archester-creations

Of course! Thank you for the lovely read

[idontknowwhattocallthisanymore]

a just-for-fun rwby rarepair tournament poll featuring only my favourite ships. take two of round three because i accidentally managed to make the polls only a day long this time. sorry about that. im gonna do something for the winner. adorable art by @rubyneo

@rwbyrarepairs

[doomalade]

I’m normal about them