#rwby heresy

[lwde-encrusted-sideblog]

Jaune: Cardin, I've had enough of your bullshit! Your ass is Grass and I'm the cow, motherfucker!

Cardin: It's "your ass is grass and I'm the mower" Idiot!

Jaune: I know what I said!

~Later~

Cardin: *Leaving the JNPR Dorm with a haunted look on his face* ...

Cardin: I ... I don't think I'm straight anymore ...

[infoglitch]

wonderfully put good sir, a new request, should you choose to accept it hot goth ren and jaune. They were gonna go out clubbing with neon after a hard day at work in atlas. Their outfits? all black. Their fishnets? torn. eyeliner? sharp enough to kill a man, croptops? displaying abs. The finishing blow? Black. Lipstick. the others came in right as they were about to leave. They never stood a chance. this is me daring you to go at your goofiest, soldier, pure crackfic, absolute mayham, DO IT. YOU WONT.

Pug.. you underestimate me and my sheer fuckin GOOFYNESS. So let me show you

How goofy I shall be!

Jaune found himself applying his lipstick as Ren looked at him.

Ren: may I ask why you decide to go goth?

Jaune: one name, Neon.

Ren:.. why dress like a goth girl, minus the skirt?

Jaune: Ren, my brother from another mother.. I've dressed up like a girl for years because my sisters wanted someone to model them... Plus I may be a tad curious about cross dressing.

Ren: alright then... Can I join?

Jaune: sure thing dude. I should have some extra stuff for you to use.

After a bit they finished up they opened the door and stepped out of their dorm only to stop as they saw team Rwby, Pyrrha, and Nora. The duo and the group stared at each other before Ren gulped softly as jaune spoke with a smile.

Jaune: hey everyone! Don't mind me and Ren, we are just heading to a party neon invited me to.

Nora: ok.. cool.. hey fearless leader you mind if I borrow Ren for a second?

Ren went pale as he looked at jaune.

Jaune: oh sure thing Nora. just be back soon.

Nora: thanks jaune.

Nora grabbed Ren and dragged him away as Nora's face became increasingly more red. Jaune hummed softly as he looked back at the rest of their girls and before he could even speak they pounced on him.

Neither went to the party, they did however go to the infirmary..

their Poor Pelvises are reduced to dust.

[howlingday]

Qrow: Anyways, kid, I gotta get some new shoes. The lady working there has got some nice hands, so it makes sense that she's my muse.

Jaune: What's a muse?

Qrow: Well, kid, when you're laying in bed, all alone, and you're "taking care of yourself," and you're just about done, who's it you're thinking about?

Jaune: Well, I guess for me it would be Cardin.

Qrow: Well, there you go, kid! This Cardin guy is your muse!

[doomalade]

I’m normal about them

[misterlazer]

Nora: Do you ever wonder why Cardin bullied you so much?

Jaune: No, I figured he was just a jerk.

Nora: Have you considered that he might be...

Jaune: Might be what?

Nora: That he might be a Tsundere?

Jaune: What? Nora, those don't exist.

Nora: But it's a possibility!

Later

Cardin: *Pushing Jaune against a wall* You think you're so cute Arc? With your beautiful blue eyes and adorable smile. Well, I'm not falling for you!

Jaune: Umm... what!?

[idontknowwhattocallthisanymore]

a just-for-fun rwby rarepair tournament poll featuring only my favourite ships. take two of round three because i accidentally managed to make the polls only a day long this time. sorry about that. im gonna do something for the winner. adorable art by @rubyneo

@rwbyrarepairs

[howdoyoudothedew]

Rated: G

Pairing: Archester (Jaune Arc/Cardin Winchester)

Word Count: ~500

A/N: Have an old archester wip from a fic I've finally internalized I will never actually write (at least not the way it was when started). At least this part was finished

The first time it happened surprised Cardin, and everyone else who up until then had no idea that they were dating.

It had happened after their team’s battle during the Vytal Festival. They had almost been beaten, but their team had overcome. All of his team members were smiling, red, flushed, and sweating from the exertion. He knew he could look no different.

With pride his team had walked off the arena. To his surprise, right outside the exit stood a beaming Jaune. He was panting like he had run there and his team stood behind him. They looked just as confused as he felt. For a second everything slowed as Jaune grabbed his chestplate and used it to pull him closer. When Jaune smashed their lips together in a chaste kiss, time rebooted itself and it felt like it was over the second it began.

“You guys did awesome,” Jaune beamed, face still close to his lips. Cardin stared for a minute more before he swallowed and blinked.

“Thanks.” The word came out in a croak. He could feel the red-hot heat on his face.

“What?” Nora said, and her voice broke them out of their trance. Jaune slightly pulled away from Cardin and turned toward her. Heat traveled down Cardin’s neck and up to his ears.

“Uh, right,” Jaune stammered out and Cardin knew his face would be red as well.

“... Jaune?” Pyrrha said his name quietly, voice laced with confusion and eyebrows drawn tight.

“What just happened?” Nora voiced the team’s question.

“Well, we- we’re,” Jaune said. Cardin didn’t need to see him to know he had his lip caught between his teeth. He pushed everything aside for a moment, Jaune’s team and everything they had kept from them, to reach out and take Jaune’s hand. When he squeezed it reassuringly, Jaune looked back at him with a small smile. Jaune’s shoulders moved slightly as he took a deep breath. “We’re dating- have been for a long time.”

“Called it,” Nora whispered the words to Ren, and Ren’s lips curled upward slightly.

“For how long?” Pyrrha asked.

“About four months,” Jaune answered her. He gave Cardin’s hand a small squeeze before he dropped it. Then he moved his hand to Pyrrha’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Pyrrha told him with a smile.

“You sure?” Jaune gave her a worried look, Cardin could hear it in his voice.

“I am,” she said before she looked directly behind him. Cardin gulped at her glare. He could feel it in his very soul. “But if he ever hurts you, his legs won’t be the only thing that gets broken.” The threat- promise- was made worse when Nora let out a chuckle.

“Don’t worry,” Jaune said and turned to smile at Cardin. A smile he returned before he could even think about it. “He wouldn’t.”

“Never,” Cardin said. The word was just loud enough that all of team JNPR heard it as he brushed his lips over Jaune’s knuckles.

[dragynkeep]

hmmmm Heresy for the ship bingo?

not something i actively ship because idgaf about jaune but i'm always appreciative of the bully x former bullied ship vibe ✨

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Cardin: Did I say for? I meant to!

Jaune: *Walking away faster* Goodbye Cardin!

Mercury: Did you really just shoot your shot at my husband?

Cardin: Woah, woah, woah... you're telling me little Jauney got fucking LAID?

Jaune: I'm married.

Cardin: Holy shit, is it weird that I feel proud for you? Cuz I feel proud, shit I feel like I busted for you!

Jaune: ... I'm going now, Cardin, see you at the next class reunion.

[lwde-encrusted-sideblog]

~In the Shower Room~

Jeanne: Cardina! What are you doing?

Cardina: *Following Jeanne in* Tsch! What does it matter? I'm just sizing myself up to ... you ...

Jeanne: Look, I know your Taller, but really? the Shower? Have you no shame?

Cardina: *Shocked Jeanne's Breast size* ... whoa ...

Jeanne: Please don't do this now ... I'm so tired of this stuff.

Cardina: Huh? Y-Yeah! Sorry! I gotta go check on the girls! Sorry!

~Later that Night~

Cardina: Stop thinking about her boobs. Stop thinking about her boobs. Stop thinking about her boobs.

Cardina: *Closes Eyes*

Cardina: *Boobs*

Cardina: ... Shit.

Cardina: *pulls out scroll* I can't get some Nerd's tits out of my head, am I gay?

[novankenn]

(In the Spirit of @howlingday's RU-JA-GUN-CON, and my own Jaune Gets a Gun Au I present... )

"Jaune Gets An Upgrade AU" Day One - (Entrenching Tool)

Ren was still brooding over his newly acquired ability to become a waifu... and was seriously annoyed at Jaune's complete acceptance of that strange fact. While in the back of his mind the true fear about what Nora would do if she ever found out.

Jaune: SO...

Ren: No.

Jaune: But...

Ren: I said no. You are not going back for that dagger thing...

Jaune: I guess. Well we do have these new bracelets, and I think...

Ren: Don't say it. Don't even think of it.

Jaune: Come on Ren. It's a cool ability, that NO one else has!

Ren: It's a inane ability that makes no logical sense!

Jaune: Gee, for a guy who keeps spouting things about being open minded, you sure have a closed view on the whole gender-swap thing.

Ren: ...

Jaune: I wonder how the girls are making out in the firearms section?

Ren: Probably better than we are... and seeing as I haven't heard and screams of terror or explosions...

Jaune: Then Nora and Pyrrha are keeping team RWBY under control.

Ren: Is it weird that it's team RWBY and not Nora we're concerned about causing destruction?

Jaune: Ah, I mean they did blow up the docks and cause millions of lien in damage fighting a mech.

Ren: It was a stolen Atlas Paladin.

Jaune: Right. A mech.

Ren: ...

A pair of figures in the distance causes Jaune to stop in mid stride. Ren notices this and also stops.

Ren: Jaune?

Jaune: I think... is it?

Ren: Is what? Do you see someone you know?

Jaune: It couldn't be... but it has to be.

Ren: Ah... Jaune?

Jaune: It IS!!! Aunt Sally 674735-Arc and Uncle Sam 668843-Arc! Over here!

Ren's brain paused, and then crashed as a pair of very similar looking figures turned to face them. To him, they booth looked exactly the same...

(Images copied from https://warhammeruniverse.com/death-korps-of-krieg/)

Aunt Sally: Jaune!

Uncle Sam: Nephew!

Jaune jogged up to the pair of figures a huge smile on his face, leaving a still bewildered Ren flat footed and behind.

Jaune: Why are you guys here? Last I heard you were deployed to the out reaches to breach a Heretic base?

Aunt Sally: Vacation Days, so we thought we'd come visit some family.

Uncle Sam: We're due back in about a week.

Jaune: Well Mom is going to be thrilled that you're here! Does she know?

Uncle Sam: No. We haven't told her yet. We want it to be a surprise.

Jaune: I won't tell a soul.

Aunt Sallyy: So why are you here, Jaune?

Jaune: I'm here to find an alternate weapon to Crocea Mors.

Uncle Sam: Why?

Jaune: Well.. um...

Aunt Sally: Does your mom know you are in Vale?

Jaune: Well...

Uncle Sam: Jaune?

Jaune: I sort of ran from home to attend Beacon, and borrowed Crocea Mors... WHICH I want to send back, so I need to find something else to serve as my main weapon.

Jaune fidgeted, and by the time Ren finally reset his thoughts and joined him, Jaune looked like he was about to burst into tears, under the stern gaze of the pair of gasmask wearing individuals. At least Ren thought it was a stern gaze. To be honest he really couldn't tell.

Aunt Sally: You're mom has to be worried sick. I suggest you CALL her very soon...

Uncle Sam: Preferably before we visit her and tell her were we saw you. Understand?

Jaune: Yes, and I promise to call her as soon as I finish here.

Uncle Sam: Good boy, now as for a replacement for Crocea Mors... not that much could ever replace such a honorable and venerable blade...

Aunt Sally: How about this?

Ren: That's a... shovel?

Aunt Sally / Uncle Sam / Jaune: HERESY!!!

Ren: huh?

Jaune: That's not a SHOVEL!

Aunt Sally: It's a Munitorum Mk III Sapper Shovel! An intrinsic and iconic part of the Death Korps of Krieg kit of battle!

Ren: Death Korps?

Uncle Sam: Is your friend a heretic?

Jaune: I don't think so? Ren you're not a Heretic disguised as my friend are you?

Ren: ...

[howlingday]

Cardin: Dum de dum de do... WHAT THE?!

Cinder: (Lights Jaune's hair on fire)

Jaune: (Lifts foot, Blows on it)

Cinder: (Pushes him over) Mwahaha! See you later, whoever you are~! (Leaves)

Cardin: What the heck was that?!

Jaune: Huh? Oh, hi, Cardin.

Cardin: Don't you "Oh, hi, Cardin" me! That chick was picking on you! That's MY job!

Jaune: What?

Cardin: Don't try to deny it! I saw the whole thing!

Jaune: Whoa! Hey, hey, hey! Cardin! It's not like that!

Cardin: (About to cry) Do you hate her more than me?!

Jaune: What?! No! Cardin, you're the worst! I didn't like you the second I saw you at initiation.

Cardin: (Blushing, Swooning) Aw~! Geez~!

[doomalade]

KISS KISS KISS KISS

what did they mean by this

[doomalade]

Thinking about Jaune x Cardin still

*sigh*

This yaoi will save me

[idontknowwhattocallthisanymore]

a just-for-fun rwby rarepair tournament poll featuring only my favourite ships. who knows maybe ill do something for the winner. adorable art by @rubyneo

i dont know if you'll want it, but if you do @rwbyrarepairs