#russians confirming

[hanayanaa]

i like how every time russia is mentioned in a yt video russians always respond with the exact words "as a russian i can confirm"

please add more russians confirming

[abd-illustrates]

i wanted you to know that years ago i was watching one of your rwby oc redraw speedpaints, and my grandma kept wondering where your accent was from because it sounded so unusual LOL

sdgfhjfds honestly ur grandma is so valid for that

[lordcastaway]

god i love pathologic

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 18

PREVIOUS

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

NEXT

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

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[vintage-russia]

Sisters on Confirmation Day, Saint Petersburg (early 20th century)

[hanakihan]

i absolutely beg that if one day Tchaikovsky will end up as a servant in FGO he’ll be an archer class purely because of his 1812 overture

‘Sir you can’t use canons in music’

‘Watch me’

[grayintogreen]

Strife Emperor? More like WIFE Emperor!

[zu-is-here]

People I got some fun fact !! Did you know that in French the name papyrus is actually pronounced paperus(don't really know how to write it but like the y is like the y in really ) and the name sound exactly like the word papi-russe which is the litteral translation of Russian grandpa !! Funny is it ??

OMG— I've never noticed!! (≧∀≦)☆

[weedle-testaburger]

it's funny how americans can understand that not everyone who lives in a red state automatically agrees with the reactionary policies of republicans there, but not that not everyone who lives in a foreign country that does awful shit is automatically supportive of its reactionary policies

[temtamtom]

so cool to find hetalia fans from different countries! Where in Italy are you from? What headcanons do you have about the boys? And what human names do you use for them? I’m so curious!

Hi!

Technically I’m from Lombardy, but I’m from a town that’s riiiight on the border of Emilia-Romagna. So in terms of culture (and dialect), I have more in common with the nearby Emilian city than Milano. But I don’t live in Italy for a majority of the year, I actually live in France!

Anyways onto the more interesting stuff- some thoughts/headcanons on their names:

I use “Romano” and “Feliciano” for the twins’ human names! Both of these names originate from their childhoods

As was customary in Ancient Rome, Romano, being the eldest son (though still a twin ofc) would have gotten the same name as his father. Like Rome, his name was Publius Romilius Romanus (+ any agnomen or nickname that the people around him would use). As time went on, Romano stuck to his cognomen and it soon turned into “Romano”.

Feliciano’s childhood name was Gaius Romilius Felix, and over time Felix turned into Feliciano.

I like to think the twins use each other’s old, Roman names when they’re being petty with each other ebchbsd

A small tangent, but still related to names- in a lot of my human AUs Rome is technically “Romano Sr.” But I imagine his friends gave him the nickname Romolo (or Romulus, for the bit) and it’s stuck for years.

None of the brothers, Seborga included, have a middle name.

For modern last names, I currently use De Cesare but I’m still sorta on the fence about it? I do like it, but I wonder sometimes if I should go with something else. Also, I think the twins had different surnames pre-unification. I still haven’t decided on what they’d be, though.

There’s a lot more I could’ve gone into, especially with Roman naming conventions, their ancient/childhood names, etc. but I think I’ll leave that for a future post if people are interested in knowing more :o

I really do wanna share other headcanons but I’m sorta blanking rn because the question is very general 😅 If you or anyone else want me to talk about specific headcanons (pets, relationships, sillier things, historical stuff, etc. etc.) feel free to ask! Don’t be shy, I love talking about these idiots

[bromcommie]

do we even know why the fuck the Winter Soldier is working with a bunch of Russian-speaking grunts/mercs at this point considering that he's under the control of the very American arm of HYDRA

[doyouknowthisjewishcharacter]

Do you know this Jewish character?

[crabussy]

māori simon so important to me. I think he grew up in russia before moving to america and was never super in touch with his other culture due to assimilation... I think post fionna and cake he starts researching and getting more in touch with being māori because he never felt able to before. I think he sings pōkarekare ana while washing the dishes. important to me

[elliasnovember]

this might be silly but since Heavens Secret Requiem takes place in (fictional) real world Russia and Heaven’s Secret is in the same universe as Chasing You I hope they include some hint/easter egg indicating that our main character (and hopefully her friends?) in CY survived the apocalypse 🥹🥹

[jokeshappinesemotion]

I have an EX Boyfriend who always complained we were not having enough sex .(!) Like it's food and he is at the verge of malnutrition.

I'm like ???twice every day ain't enough??? ...Can't go on having sex 13 hours straight literally I had to stop him before the 14th hour I was so exhausted I'm like ; let's rest.. he then says . We don't have enough sex and that he is being deprived of the very thing that belongs to him and he don't know if he can still be with me acting like this...gave me a talk of how intimacy is important in a relationship...bla bla blah.. I'm like this is no intimacy..

It was vandalism of the pussy. I had to run no wonder he is an EX. Jesus. Son of virgin Mary help me

I was like WTF. that's enough I'm never having sex with you again ,

Because clearly You are The most Unappreciative human of a dick. Jack ....head out of my vagina. And not to head in again.

Women lets speak out vandalism itself is a crime .. I mean what about vandalism of pussy .. Stop this masking of abuse in the name of love .. tell them to fuck love ..

[hanakihan]

i realized that in my head I’ve been unconsciously headcanoning Jin-Chul as half Russian descent.

gimme a second to explain okay wheeze

the more i look at Jin-Chul (especially his manhwa counterpart portrayal) i remember that one boy who lived in next apartment to mine when I was little.

/side note I was born and lived near Baikal lake so there were many Yakut and Buryat people as well as Japanese, Chinese, Korean and Mongolian people/

and so that boy was actually of russian-korean descent and surprisingly enough had almost blond hair and was really nice (like yeah whole idea is based on fact Jin-Chul has non classy natural hair color for Korea so—)

anyway just think about jin-chul being half russian descent and then he pretty much doesn’t even know it because he was taken to Korea back when he was really young and then ended up in orphanage for one reason or another and was an outcast because he looked differently from others—