#rupaul is the man and woman of my life

[ihaveneverbeengivenflowers]

LadyBoy by RuPaul

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1 REACTION

This week’s episode marks the 100th episode for 9-1-1 and it is a total banger! I figured nothing could get better than Bobby and Athena trapped inside an upside-down cruise ship, but this week’s episode walked up to the bar and said, “hold my beer”. If you’re reading this, you know exactly why this episode is truly *that girl* and I promise you we’re gonna talk about those last 4 minutes and 23 seconds that had us collectively clutching our pearls, pillows, and pets and left us with nary a hair on our scalps. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover so let’s not waste another second. This reaction is for the season 7, fourth episode “Buck, Bothered and Bewildered” which originally aired April 4, 2024. The episode was written by Andrew Meyers and Bradley Michael Marques and directed by actor turned directed Chad Lowe. Spoilers ahead!

“She has anthrax! Or glitter.” – Bachelor Producer, to everyone

We start things off at the Bachelor mansion where we see real-life runner up of season 20 of The Bachelorette and star of season 28 of The Bachelor, Joey Graziadei. I have never seen an episode of The Bachelor, but I have watched the first two seasons of VH1’s Flavor of Love so I’m quite familiar with the concept of a bunch of women competing for the affections of one man. The opening to this episode does a great job of parodying the hit ABC dating and relationship reality television series while also being respectful. After all, the show and it’s many spin-offs are beloved by many, including 9-1-1 viewers. 

We see a handful of hopeful contestants pull up to the mansion in limos, each of them providing a cheesy introduction very reminiscent of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the Real Housewives. I love that two of the contestants are named Ashley because of course there would be two Ashleys cast in the same season of a show like this. My favorite contestant, however, is Ashley A., a flight attendant who looks like she just stepped out of the one-season wonder Pan Am starring Christina Ricci, a pre-Barbie Margot Robbie, and Mike Vogel. Now that I think about it, wasn’t Pam Am an ABC show?

The last contestant arrives with a bottle of glue and introduces herself as Conchata. Joey is all of us and asks her about her name because for those of you who haven’t seen the episode, this woman is the whitest shade of pale and is the last person I expect to have the name Conchata. The producers (played by Jamie Denbo and Rique) scramble behind the scenes trying to find out who this woman is because she is definitely not Conchata. The contestant comes clean about who she really is and introduces herself (again) as Bailey, an aesthetician from Sheboygan, Wisconsin. She takes the bottle of glue and pours it all over the cobblestone driveway. She then lies flat on the driveway in attempt to glue herself to the surface. Our two producers attempt to remove her, but her skin has adhered to whatever glue she poured on the ground. 

Cue title card.

“I love dalmatians.” – Ashley C., Bachelor contestant, to Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz

Our favorite 911 dispatch, Maddie, gets a call from the season 5 bachelor and host of The Bachelor, Jesse Palmer. We learn Maddie and Josh (played by Bryan Safi) are uber fans of the show and I cracked up when Josh commandeered the phone call and started grilling Jesse about the new bachelor. Maddie deploys the 118 to the Bachelor mansion and it’s heavily insinuated the location of this particular emergency is outside of the area the department usually responds to. Way to keep it professional, you guys!

The 118 arrive on the scene and Chimney and Hen attend to Bailey (played by Sarah Fletcher). Chimney sees Joey and he is awestruck. I can totally see he and Maddie piling up on the living room sofa after they’ve put Jee-Yun to bed to watch The Bachelor. There’s a funny moment where the other contestants flirt heavily with Eddie and Buck. Eddie tells them he’s taken but points to Buck and says that he is single. Buck tells them he has a rule about not dating people he meets on calls which is hilarious considering he nearly got fired in the first episode of the series for taking one of the firetrucks to a booty call with a woman he saved. 

Eddie and Buck breakout the jackhammer to cut away the piece of driveway Bailey is stuck to so she can be transported to the nearest hospital. Meanwhile, Chimney answers a FaceTime call from Maddie and Josh who want to know the identity of the latest bachelor. Chimney flips the camera around and tries to be sneaky about filming Joey, but he gets caught. He ducks behind the limo Bailey pulled up in and sees another woman passed out in the backseat. We learn this is the real Conchata and she has been chloroformed by Bailey. Speaking of Bailey, as she is loaded into the ambulance, she yells for Joey to visit her in prison. Yeah, I don’t think Joey Graziadei is going to be visiting you, Bailey.

“That night was the most fun I’ve had since getting struck by lightning.” – Evan Buckley, to Tommy Kinard

We next head over to Air Operations One which I’ve learned is a part of the Los Angeles Fire Department. Tommy Kinard (played by Lou Ferrigno Jr.), our former 118 firefighter turned helicopter pilot, is giving Buck a tour of the unit. I got so excited seeing these two share a scene together because it’s no secret that Buck is my favorite character on the show, and I really like how they’re brought Tommy back into the show this season. Buck is in awe of everything Tommy’s telling him, but the latter believes he has ulterior motives for being there. He asks if Buck is thinking about changing career paths. Buck tells him that he really got a thrill flying in the middle of a hurricane to save Bobby and Athena. It’s the most fun he’s had since getting struck by lightning. 

Buck asks Tommy what got him into flying. Tommy tells him that he used to be a pilot in the Army. Buck lights up and tells Tommy that Eddie was in the Army, too. Tommy already knows this. Buck then tells Tommy that he met his ex (Taylor) responding to a helicopter crash and then realizes in that moment that maybe that was a sign of things to come. Tommy agrees that saving someone’s life and dating them never turns out the way you want it to. Upon second (and third) viewing of this episode, I find it interesting how the both of them are ambiguous about the genders of the people they are speaking about. Buck could’ve mentioned Taylor by name, but he chose to just say ex instead. Now back to the topic at hand, Buck says he isn’t sure if he’d want to leave where he is now to pursue being a pilot and Tommy assures him he can do both which seems to be the thesis of this episode. Tommy offers to teach Buck how to fly for fun. Buck offers to buy him a beer and Tommy says he’d love that. Again, how did I not pick up on the subtle flirtation the first time I saw this episode. These two’s chemistry is off the charts. 

However, our little meet cute is cut short when Eddie arrives. Eddie is surprised to see Buck there and asks Tommy if he got three tickets to the fight. Tommy says ‘no’ but he wishes he did. Here’s another thing I really liked about this scene. I’m sure, by now, Tommy knows that Buck goes by Buck but each time he addresses Buck he calls him ‘Evan’. I’ve always equated the characters on this show who refer to him as ‘Evan’ as having more of an intimate connection with him, i.e., Maddie his sister or Eddie his best friend. Anywho, Buck is surprised to learn that Tommy and Eddie have tickets to a big fight in Vegas and they’re taking one of the helicopters there. Now I have a question. If Buck wasn’t allowed to drive the firetruck to his hookups back in season one, how is Tommy flying to Vegas with Eddie in one of the LAFD choppers okay? Also, I didn’t know helicopters could fly that great of a distance. Anyway, Tommy and Eddie leave to board the helicopter and our poor Buck is left behind feeling both a little confused and a lot jealous.

“It is so good to have you back.” – Athena Grant, to Harry Grant

Speaking of surprises, Athena does not sleep with her hair wrapped. No shade, but no Black woman I know is going to lay her head down at night without doing something to protect her hair. Okay, I’m gonna leave Athena alone because she is thrilled to have her son back home. Yes, you read that right. Harry Grant is back home but he looks a bit different. The character is now aged up played by a new actor – Elijah M. Cooper. Now, in case you forgot, Harry went to live with his dad in Florida back in season five and we really haven’t seen him since then. When Athena says she can’t believe Michael didn’t say anything about Harry coming to visit. Harry tells her his dad has been really busy and had to fly back to Haiti. Bobby is immediately suspicious of this because he figures that Michael would’ve called about something like this. Athena doesn’t seem to concerned about any of this and is basically just happy to have her youngest back under her roof. 

“I saved a baby in a pipe once although it was a preemie and it didn’t speak.” – Evan Buckley, to everyone

Meanwhile, Buck, Eddie, and Ravi (played by Anirudh Pisharody) respond to an emergency at a restaurant where the dishwasher (played by Jibre Hordges) claims he hears a voice coming from inside the sink. Ravi doesn’t think it’s possible that someone could be trapped inside a drain but Buck reminds him of the time he pulled a newborn out of a sewer pipe. The firefighters do finally hear someone yelling for help and the restaurant manager (played by Cesili Williams) shows them footage of a motorcyclist being struck by a car and knocked into a storm drain. 

Buck, Eddie, and Ravi head outside and Ravi, being the newest member of the 118, is lowered down into a manhole to extract the poor guy. During this time, Buck grills Eddie about his outing with Tommy. He learns that in addition to going to Vegas, Tommy is also teaching Eddie the Muay Thai style of boxing and they’ve even worked on Eddie’s Chevelle together. Buck does his best to hide his jealously, but he can’t help pressing his best friend for more details. He asks Eddie when he plans on seeing Tommy again. Eddie tells him that Tommy has this karaoke/trivia thing he does on Wednesdays and asks Buck what his plans are for that day. Buck perks up and says his schedule is wide open. Eddie asks if he would watch Christopher for him. He would ask Marisol, but she’s already watched Christopher twice already. Yikes! So, a lot to unpack here. First, is Eddie using his girlfriend as childcare? Second, does this mean Buck’s level of importance to Eddie has decreased now that Tommy and Marisol are in the picture. Lastly, is Eddie really that oblivious? I get wanting to have a new friend, especially one who you have a lot in common with, but he knows Buck, or rather he should know Buck, and him saying these things, even though Buck technically asked him for this information, is hurtful for Buck to here. This, I’ve noticed, is a continuing trend of certain characters getting upset whenever Buck does something wrong, but having little to no regard when it comes to his feelings. This isn’t the first time Eddie has done something like this and I have to believe that he really is oblivious because the alternative means that he’s doing these things because he’s trying to get his friend all riled up. Of course, Buck agrees to watch Christopher because of course he’s going to watch Christopher. 

“Is it circled with a heart around it?” – Maddie Buckley, to Evan Buckley. 

A few days later, Buck updates Maddie on Eddie’s new friendship with Tommy. Buck is so jealous of the new friendship that he’s gathering intel from Christopher. Although Buck is being a little bit extra about all of this, a part of me can relate to the emotions he’s feeling. He worries that Tommy has made such an impression on not only Eddie but Christopher in such a short period of time. What I find fascinating is that while Buck is jealous, he harbors no ill-will towards Tommy.  In fact, he agrees with Eddie and Christopher. Tommy is cool. Buck tells his sister that Christopher would not stop talking about Tommy. Maddie wonders if it’s because Buck kept asking him questions about Tommy. Buck mentions that Eddie has a date written down on his calendar and it’s for a weekly pick-up basketball game with Tommy and other first responders. The date is circled. Buck mentions that Eddie has asked him to this before. Maddie reminds Buck that he doesn’t like basketball and he agrees and says that’s why he always tells Eddie ‘no’ but now Eddie is going with Tommy. Chimney hears the tail-end of their conversation and tells Maddie that Tommy flew Eddie to Vegas for a fight in a chopper. Chimney teases Buck by saying that Tommy’s so cool. 

“We have a problem.” – Bobby Nash, to Athena Grant

Back over at the Grant-Nash household, Bobby tells Athena he talked to Michael. Michael is not in Haiti, and he also had no clue Harry had left and come to Los Angeles which means Harry lied to the both of them. Athena wonders why Harry would lie, and Bobby says it’s because the police is looking for him. They showed up to Michael’s house while he was on the phone with Bobby. Bobby tells his wife that Harry got into a fight and assaulted someone. There’s now a warrant out for his arrest due to him fleeing the jurisdiction. Yikes! Poor Athena. You think you know your kids.

“That’s Jeremy. That’s my son, he’s a doctor.” – Dorothy Nelson, to Athena Grant

Maddie receives a call from an older woman named Dorothy Nelson who is reporting an intruder in her home. Maddie instructs her to stay calm and tells her to find a place to hide until the police get there. The woman panics and tells Maddie she has a gun. Maddie tells her that arming herself can only make the situation she’s in more dangerous. Dorothy starts screaming and then we hear a gunshot. 

Athena, Hen, and Chimney arrive on the scene and find a man dead in the Dorothy’s living room. Chimney tends to her and learns she recently sustained a fall in her garden. Athena looks around the room and sees a photo on the mantle above the fireplace. She realizes the man in the photo looks an awful lot like the dead man on the floor. Hen posits Dorothy has face blindness which means she wouldn’t have been able to recognize the guy even if she does know him. This emergency reminds me of a similar one on Lone Star where a kid locked himself in the bathroom because his dad thought he was an intruder.

Athena goes over to Dorothy (played by Meagen Fay) and asks her if she recognizes the man in the photo. She tells Athena that the man in the photo is her son, Jeremy, and he’s a doctor. So, this lady has killed her own son, and the sad part is, she still thinks that it’s an intruder she shot. This is beyond sad, and I felt so bad for her. I also feel bad for Athena who will have to be the one to tell her the truth. Hen asks her if she can imagine looking into her own child’s face and not even recognizing him. Athena says yes she can.

“That’s how they wake you up in jail for sleeping in. Except the water won’t be clean and it probably won’t be water.” Athena Grant, to Harry Grant

Athena returns home and confronts her son. I did not like the way Harry was talking to his mom and I was wondering why Athena didn’t slap him across his lips. Then I realized, she already did this back in season 5 when Harry started mouthing off at her. Athena is extremely patient in this scene while Harry tells her about the incident involving him assaulting a man. The man, in question, is the manager of a convenience store. Apparently this man was following Harry around while he was inside the convenience store and accused Harry of stealing. The man wouldn’t let Harry leave and got aggressive with him which is why Harry hit him. Harry is upset because he believes she is taking law enforcement’s side over his much like he thinks she did when his father was pulled over several seasons ago. Athena reminds him she is a cop, and he counters by reminding her that he is still his mom. He asks her which one is more important to her but says he already knows the answer to that question. 

“Hey, what are you doing on Thursday?” – Evan Buckley, to Howard "Chimney" Han

Over at the 118, Buck is trying his best to get Eddie’s attention, but the latter is too wrapped up in his phone call with Tommy. Buck tries to impress by bench-pressing a lot of weight but he’s clearly struggling with isn’t too believable for me because have you seen Buck? The guy is a tank! Ravi asks him if he needs help and Buck declines. I wish Buck wasn’t so short-sighted because as much as he wants Eddie and Tommy to notice him, I think Ravi wants Buck to notice him. For him, I think, Buck is the cool one. Chimney brings Buck a package addressed to an M. Buckley which I found funny because either Buck doesn’t have his own Amazon Prime account or maybe he shares one with Eddie and didn’t want his friend knowing what he’s ordering. Turns out, the item Buck has ordered is a new basketball. When Buck sees Eddie again, he suggests that they can get a basketball hoop. Eddie barely acknowledges this before returning to his conversation. Yeah, I’m beginning to think Eddie is doing this on purpose. 

“He was shot when he was mistaken as an intruder.” – Athena Grant, to Dorothy Nelson

Athena puts her cutest outfit and goes to see Dorothy Nelson at the hospital. She rips off the Band-Aid and tells Dorothy her son is dead. When Dorothy asks what happens, Athena tells her that he was killed because he was mistaken as an intruder. I like how Athena delivered this news because it wasn’t accusatory. She lets Dorothy figure out the rest and the moment it dawns on her that she is the one who killed Jeremy she is rightfully devastated. Kudos to the actress playing Dorothy Nelson because she really sold this scene for me. This is the most devasting thing I’ve seen on this show since the story back in season 5 where two best friends were struck during the middle of a parade and one of them died. The scene ends and I’m left wondering what will become of this woman. I can’t imagine the pain she’ll have to live with knowing she killed her son. 

“So, I’m your basketball beard. I feel so bonded.” – Howard “Chimney” Han, to Evan Buckley

Buck convinces Chimney to go with him to the pick-up basketball game. Buck pretends to be surprised to see Eddie and Tommy there. Eddie asks Chimney how he managed to talk Buck into playing basketball because every time he asks him, he says ‘no’. Chimney decides to play coy and tells Eddie he has his ways. I love seeing Chimney being supportive of Buck because very soon they are going to be brothers-in-law. The two square off against Eddie and Tommy and the latter are dominating. Buck lets his jealousy get the better of him and trips Eddie up right as he’s about to make a lay-up. We hear something pop as Eddie falls to the ground. Chimney goes into paramedic mode and assesses Eddie’s injury. He thinks Eddie may have a fracture or sprain. Tommy says that Eddie rode with him, so he’ll be the one to take him to urgent care. Eddie gives Buck a hurt look and Buck immediately feels horrible. Tommy lifts Eddie up and takes him away. Chimney looks at Buck and says, “Well you bucked that up, didn’t you?” Geez, I really feel bad for Buck. He is spiraling!

“It seems unjust, but in reality that’s just the way it is.” – Athena Grant, to Harry Grant

With a cooler head, Athena decides to talk to her son. He apologizes for how he spoke to her. He tells her he is not sorry for hitting the convenience store manager. Athena reminds him that he is not only representing himself and their family, but also his community, which means he can’t go around punching people. He tells her that’s a lot of pressure, but she says that’s the reality of the world they live in. She tells him has to be smarter and he asks her if that means he’s not allowed to be angry. Athena tells him it’s okay to be angry because at the end of the day, he’s a human and that’s what humans do – they get angry when they are upset. However, she reminds him that things could have been worst for him. What if the convenience store manager had a gun? Harry asks her what would have been the right thing for him to do in the situation and I like that Athena admits she doesn’t know. At the end of the day, you have to do whatever you have to do to make it home alive. That’s sentiment is so sad to me but as a Black man living in America, in the South to be specific, I totally get it. It’s not fair but it is what it is. 

Athena shows him the footage of what happened at the convenience store. Harry watches as the manager confronts him and even gets aggressive. He also sees himself punch the man. It’s sobering for him to see this video. He says it’s like watching someone else. Athena tells him that everyone has something they’ve done that they aren’t proud of (you hear that Buck?) but the true test of character is being able to face the consequences of one’s actions. Harry tells her he doesn’t know what to do and she tells him they’ll figure it out together. Whatever happens, she will be right there with him because he is her son, and she loves him no matter what.

“I’m not a fourteen-year-old girl.” – Evan Buckley, to Maddie Buckley. 

Buck brings Maddie lunch at the dispatch center and catches her up on what happened with Eddie.  She asks Buck how Eddie is feeling, and he tells her he doesn’t know because he hasn’t talked to him. Maddie is surprised to hear this considering Buck and Eddie are so close. Buck tells her he doesn’t think Eddie wants to hear from him since he’s the one who hurt him. Maddie says it’s an accident, but Buck tells her he was pissed about Eddie and Tommy hanging out so much that he allowed his jealousy to get the better of him. He’s the reason why Eddie got injured. Buck says he was only trying to get his attention. Maddie tells him that is not the way to get someone’s attention. When I first watched this scene, I thought Maddie was going a little overboard with her disapproval of what Buck did. Then I realized, violence is how her husband Doug would get her attention back when they were married. Buck tells her he feels awful for what he did to Eddie, and she tells him not to do it again. 

She admits she knows how he feels because she had a similar situation with her best friend growing up. Her friend became friends with another girl and Maddie did everything she could, including dyeing her hair blonde and attempting to change her name, to get her friend to notice her. It never occurred to her that she could have still been friends with her friend even if her friend was friends with someone else. Maybe they could have all been friends. But Maddie was too jealous to realize this. The situation made her look desperate, and she would’ve been better off just explaining to her friend how she felt. 

“It’s good to see you Harry.” – Captain Elaine Maynard, to Harry Grant

Athena accompanies Harry to the police station, and they are met by Captain Elaine Maynard (played by Claudia Christian). The captain tells Athena and Harry she spoke with the Miami Dade Police Department, and they have no interest in extraditing for a misdemeanor assault. However, both jurisdictions recommended Harry remain in Los Angeles with Athena and complete 100 hours of community service. Harry is surprised he isn’t going to jail but Athena makes it known that him being under her watchful eye will be worse. 

“It’s not like I could ever replace you.” – Tommy Kinard, to Evan Buckley

Now, we’ve finally made it to my favorite scene of the episode. We head over to Buck’s loft. There’s a knock at the door and when he goes to check, he finds Tommy on his doorstep. Tommy asks if they can talk, and Buck invites himself inside. I love the subtle detail of Tommy being in awe of Buck’s loft. Buck offers him a drink and reminds him that he owes him a beer. Tommy declines and says he won’t be staying long. He tells Buck he wants to clear the air between the two of them and he didn’t want to do so over the phone or through a text message. Tommy calls him Evan and says it was never his intention to cause any bad blood between him and Eddie. Buck assures him there’s no bad blood and owns up to his bad behavior. He tells him that he and Eddie make perfect sense as friends. Tommy agrees and reminds Buck that Eddie can have more than one friend. 

Tommy says that he would never be able to replace him. He says that Christopher cannot shut up about Buck. I love the smile on Buck’s face when Tommy says this because it’s a reminder that Buck, seven seasons later, still craves the approval and the acceptance of those around him. Even Christopher. Buck asks Tommy if Eddie is mad at him. Tommy tells him Eddie is not mad at him. If anything, he feels bad (they both do) for excluding Buck. He tells Buck that he and Eddie hanging out was never about Buck, but Buck says that’s the problem. He admits he can get pretty jealous. I’m so proud of Buck for just owning everything in this scene. Lisa Rinna would be proud. 

Tommy admits that Buck isn’t the only one who’s been jealous. Buck is surprised to hear this. Tommy explains that he’s jealous of what’s become of the 118. When we were first introduced to Tommy, it was back during the ‘Begin’ episodes for Hen, Chimney, and Bobby. The 118 didn’t use to be the family it is now. In fact, the previous captain went out of his way to cultivate a highly toxic environment and it’s because of Chimney, Hen, and Bobby that the team is what it is today. It’s the reason why Buck and Eddie and Ravi were able to be accepted right away without having to be hazed by the other firefighters. Tommy admits he wishes he were a part of what the 118 has become and Buck reminds him that he is. He reminds Tommy of how he made fake mouth static at the fire chief during their daring mission to save Bobby and Athena. Tommy says he’s renowned for his fake mouth static, but Buck says it wasn’t very convincing. The banter between these two men is so cute I could actually explode. Buck tempers his teasing by reminding Tommy that he was willing to put his job on the line to help the rest of them out. That was the moment Buck realized that Tommy was cool and that he liked him. He tells Tommy that’s the reason he called him for the tour. It’s not because he’s thinking about leaving the 118; it’s because he wanted to get to know him. It’s Tommy’s turn to be surprised. Buck says things took a turn when Eddie arrive, but he understands why Tommy wants to hang with Eddie. It was so cute the way Buck gushes about how great Eddie is that he’s known Eddie is great since the first day he worked with him. Aww! At this point, I’m literally yelling at my TV.

“That was better than fake mouth static.” – Evan Buckley, to Tommy Kinard

The flirting is turned up to level 100 when Buck tells Tommy it’s his attention he’s been trying to get and frankly he’s exhausted. Again, Tommy is surprised to hear this. Buck reminds him that he maimed his best friend, and that Maddie told him there are better ways to get someone’s attention. Before Buck can even finish the statement, Tommy leans in and kisses him. There’s a brief hesitation in Buck, most likely because he is shocked, the Buck starts to kiss him back. This moment was beyond shocking to me and even now, three days later, I still have to watch the clip to remind myself that Tommy kissed Buck and Buck definitely kissed him back. I spent years thinking something like this would never happen and I’ve gone back and forth with Buddie shippers online telling them that Buck or Eddie coming out as anything other than straight was an impossibility. Yeah, maybe that was the case when 9-1-1 was on FOX but this is a new network baby and ABC said, let them boys kiss! And yes, it’s not Eddie and Buck that are kissing but in my opinion, this is an even better direction for the characters to go in. I’ve always believed that if either character were to come out as queer, it would be Buck. We’ve only seen Buck in relationships with women, but he’s always struck me as someone who is open to whatever experiences come his way. Perhaps this explains why he's always had difficulty in the relationships he’s pursued on the show. Eddie, on the other hand, is a lot more reserved than Buck and the writers are going to have to put in work to convince me he is anything other than a heterosexual man. I’m not saying it’s out the realm of possibility, but I think the writers did a good job getting us where we are now, and they’ll need to do the same for Eddie in the future should that be the direction they want to go in for that character. Also. bringing Tommy into the equation is a brilliant move on their part because rewatching those ‘Begin’ episodes, there are insinuations there that he may be gay or bisexual. 

Okay, back to the scene. The way Tommy is looking at Buck gives me all the feels. The way he’s looking at Buck tells me that if he didn’t have to leave for his shift, they would be going at it on Buck’s new sofa. I’m so happy this isn’t just a one-sided interest. After the kiss, Tommy asks Buck if he’s okay with the moment they just shared. Buck is looking every bit of the bewildered that’s a part of the title of this episode. He tells Tommy that the kiss was better than his fake mouth static. Tommy tells him he has a shift, but he wants to take Buck out on a proper date. Buck tells him he’s free and man is that statement layered. Free to go out. Free to be who he wants to be. Free to kiss anyone he wants to kiss. Tommy tells Buck he will come around on Saturday at eight to pick him up. Tommy goes to leave but before opens the door, he tells Buck to call Eddie. We end the scene with Buck looking the happiest he’s looked in a long time. 

This episode is hands down one of the best of the series and that’s just not recency bias. I feel that way about all the episodes we’ve gotten this season. 9-1-1 is firing on all cylinders at this point and things feel fresh and new again. The plot with Athena and Harry was perplexing at first but then I grew to like it by the end. I like that the show reminds us that Athena being a Black woman and a cop is controversial, especially in today’s climate, and I like that her kids aren’t afraid to call her out. I love seeing Athena reckon with both identities and how they relate to each other. I especially loved her conversation with Harry because it’s very reminiscent of conversations I’ve had with my own mom. Her telling Harry that it’s unfair that he has to always be on his best behavior but necessary rang so true to me. Athena has always known this, even before she had kids, yet she chooses to continue to work within a system that reinforces this kind of thinking. 

The storyline with Buck was also fun. It was a nice balance to the sadness of the story with the woman killing her son on accident. I like how Buck is never afraid to be vulnerable, even if it’s to his detriment. I hope we get a conversation between him and Eddie next episode because I love their friendship and I don’t want it to ever change, and something tells me Buck is going to lean heavy on his friendship with Eddie now that he might be dating Tommy. And I hope that Eddie continues to be supportive of his friend when he finds out the truth about his sexuality. I don’t think Eddie would have a problem with it. After all, Hen is an out and proud lesbian, and we also have Josh who is gay. I do know that some people do question the legitimacy of bisexual people but again, I don’t think Eddie will have a problem with whatever Buck labels himself as. Maybe we’ll even get a double date between Eddie, Marisol, Buck, and Tommy. That would be fun.

Lastly, I wanted to talk about Buck and Tommy. I think the show did a great job getting us to the moment where they shared a kiss this episode. As I mentioned earlier, I have seen this episode quite a few times and I’ve watched the scenes involving Buck and Tommy more than that. If you watch the scene where Buck is visiting Tommy, there’s so many little looks the two are giving each other. I think at that point that Buck is only infatuated but Tommy is clearly interested. Also, if you go back to the previous episode, at the end once everyone has been rescued, there’s a look Buck gives when he is telling Tommy goodbye. I love things like that and it’s proof to me that this isn’t just gaybaiting or queerbaiting. This is the show telling us that one of their beloved characters is queer and they have taken special care with letting us know that. I love how Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr. are invested in this story. In fact, the cast is supportive of Buck going in this direction. I’m so happy that the fans have this moment. It’s been so fun engaging with people online about this episode and while there are viewers who have and will balk at Buck being a queer character, I say screw those people. If a character’s sexuality can make you that upset, you clearly haven’t been watching the show and you’re not a fan.

Okay, this reaction has gone on way too long. I’ll say it one last time. I’m so happy Buck is bi!!!! I can’t wait to see what happens next! Until next time …

[papermoonloveslucy]

FANTASY TV GUIDE ADS

Sequels, Spinoffs, and Reboots We Never Saw - But Wish We Had!

Ads and listings from a Papermoon Loves Lucy fantasy issue of TV Guide!

"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” ~ Before Andy Cohen there was Don Loper - TV’s first gay man with a doting bevy of housewives at his command. At press time, Mrs. Alan Ladd was replaced by Mrs. Ricky Ricardo. In the premiere, Loper stages a benefit for Share and Mrs. Ricardo gets a sunburn. Sponsored by Unguentine. 

"American Picker” ~ In this episode, Dan picks over some old furniture at a run-down brownstone in New York City. Mid-century modern is Jenkins’ specialty and tonight he strikes gold.

"Hot Bench” ~ Today: “The Case of the Damaged Television & Fractured Friendship”. Judge Moroni Olsen and Bailiff Bobby serve justice at 4 ET / 3 CT. 

“Desi’s Desert Island Discs” ~ Premiere!  Desi’s first guest is Ricky Ricardo. Viewers are treated to excerpts from his top ten. Special appearance by Lucy Ricardo singing “Sally Sweet”. 

“Bent Fork R.F.D.” ~ This week the Sheriff (Will Wright) arrests a Pontiac full of Yankees headed for Hollywood. Guest star Ernie Ford tries to pawn off Teensy and Weensy (the Borden Sisters) on the westbound travelers, but they get all tied up. 

“My Big Fat Fabulous Life” ~ Premiere!  In this musical docuseries, Teensy and Weensy are profiled at their mobiel home in Tennessee. It’s a “Ricochet Romance” when the girls become obsessed with the Bent Fork BBQ Buffet - and it goes bankrupt. 

“The Walking Fred” ~ Fred turns into a walker after losing $500 to Al Hergesheimer (Milton Berle), an undead used car salesman from Brooklyn. Sponsored by Pontiac. 

“Hoarding: Buried Alive” ~ In the season premiere: a woman is buried alive by two sides of beef; two urban couples are presumed lost in a collection of cardboard boxes; and old newspapers take over the lives of several desperate homeonwers. 

“Lucy’s Neighborhood” ~ Beppe de Vries stars in this all-new spin-off to “East 68th Street”.  In this episode, Mrs. de Vries sees a wacky neighbor on the ledge and goes to great lengths to get her psychiatric help. Guest star Joseph Kearns as Doctor Toim Robinson. 

“Freddie Filmore’s Drag Race: Females are Fabulous!” ~ Season 15 of the long-running show welcomes Carson Kresley and Michelle Visage in their first appearances since “Rupaul’s Drage Race Season 87″. This year’s guest judges include Phil Spitalny, Countess Blublitzki, and Fredrika. 

“Trailer Park” ~ Lucy and Ethel move into a trailer park outside West Jamestown. There they keep an eye on the comings and goings of the flirty Flamingo Sisters (Gloria and Joan Blondell). Tonight: Mrs. Trumbull’s cat gets sick from an out-of-date can of All Pet.  

“Ugly Betty Loves Wreck-It Ralph” ~ In this all-new teaming of two popular CBS sitcoms, the Ramseys (Mary Jane Croft and Frank Nelson) find a litter of kittens hidden in the chicken coop. Meanwhile, Little Bruce (Ray Ferrell) discovers hundreds of baby chickens in the litter box. 

“Night of the Living Fred” ~ A television adaptation of the popular zombie film. In the new series, a landlord / zombie (Fred Mertz) eats the tenants of his New York City brownstone, until he is unmasked by Sergeant Nelson (Frank Nelson). 

“I Spy: The O’Briens” ~ Hayden Rorke and K.T. Stevens play international spies masquerading as actors playing international spies on a television series about actors playing international spies. Tonight: Tom breaks a lamp and neighbor Lucy (Lucille Ball) impersonates a chair.

“Big Brother: The Twins Twist” ~ This season welcomes Teensy and Weensy, Timmy and Jimmy Hudson, the Harpo Twins, and special guests Patty and Cathy Lane - all competing to be the last houseguests in the brownstone. Julie Chen Moonves McGillicuddy hosts. 

“Jamestown” ~ From the producers of “Downton Abbey,” this dramatic series follows courageous performers who leave their dark pasts behind in England for a new life in 17th-century America. Tallulah Bankhead plays Elizabeth, the Quinn of Jamestown. Friar Quinn is played by William Frawley. Tonight’s episode “The Quinn’s Lament” was written by Quinn and Madelyn Martin. 

“The Taylors in 3D” ~ The first spinoff from Desilu’s impossibly successful “I Love Lucy” starring Gene Reynolds and Mary Ellen Kay as young newlyweds who move into a Manhattan brownstone haunted by hilarious ghosts. Elizabeth Patterson plays Matilda, the new landlady and part-time medium, Reya. 

“The Carmichael Show” ~ In this reboot of “The Lucy Show”, Viv and Sherman have moved out, leaving the Carmichaels to make it on their own. In the pilot episode, Lucy cancels plans to move to Los Angeles and Jerry’s Military School rejects his application. Chris becomes a waitress to pay the tuition. 

Based on the hit series, “Iron Man Carmichael”, this all new TV movie marks the return of fearless stunt performer and housewife Lucy Carmichael as she takes on the Marvel Multiverse. 

In the tradition of “Fosse Verdon” FX brings us “Lucy Desi”. Follow the tumultuous romance and career of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz as they climb the ladder of showbusiness success.  

“Feud: Lucy and Joan” ~ A docudrama television series created by Ryan Murphy in the footsteps of “Bette and Joan”.  Based on the legendary real-life feud between Lucille Ball and Joan Crawford. 8 episodes of nail-biting drama and shouting. 

[thedanwich]

Top 10 Books of 2023

10. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma - Bessel van der Kolk

9. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer - Michelle McNamara

8. A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance - Abdurraqib Hanif

7. The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-Centered Planet - John Green

6. The Dreamblood Duology - N.K. Jamison

5. Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family - Robert Kolker

4. Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies - Jared Diamond

3. The Song of Achilles/Circe - Madeline Miller 

2. How the Word is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America - Clint Smith

Stoner - John Williams

Honorable mentions:

All-Night Pharmacy - Ruth Madievsky

A Night in Terror Tower (Goosebumps #27) - R.L. Stine

A Shocker on Shock Street (Goosebumps #35) - R.L. Stine

A Thousand-Mile Walk To The Gulf - John Muir

At Swim, Two Boys - Jamie O’Neill

The Barking Ghost (Goosebumps #32) - R.L. Stine

Becoming A Man: Half a Life Story - Paul Monette

By My Hands: A Potter’s Apprenticeship - Florian Gadsby

Captive Paradise: A History of Hawaii - James L. Haley

The City We Became - N.K. Jemison

The Cuckoo Clock of Doom (Goosebumps #28) - R.L. Stine 

The Doloriad - Missouri Williams

Extinction - Douglas Preston

The Glass Hotel - Emily St. John Mandel

The Headless Ghost (Goosebumps #37) - R.L. Stine 

The Haunted Mask II (Goosebumps #36) - R.L. Stine

The Horror at Camp Jellyjam (Goosebumps #33) - R.L. Stine

The House of Hidden Meanings - RuPaul

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T.J. Klune

It Came From Beneath the Sink! (Goosebumps #30) - R.L. Stine

Just Above My Head - James Baldwin

Leaving Las Vegas - John O’Brien

The Lookback Window - Kyle Dillon Hertz

Minor Detail - Adania Shibli

Monster Blood III (Goosebumps #29) - R.L. Stine

Murder on the Orient Express - Agatha Christie

Nothing Like It in the World: The men Who Built the Transcontinental Railroad 1863-69 - Stephen E. Ambrose

Night of the Living Dummy II (Goosebumps #31) - R.L. Stine

POST - Leo Herrera

Saving Time: Discovering a Life Beyond Productivity Culture - Jenny Odell

Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes (Goosebumps #34) - R.L. Stine

Starry Messenger: Cosmic Perspectives on Civilization - Neil deGrasse Tyson

Ten Bridges I’ve Burnt: A Memoir in Verse - Brontez Purnell

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin

Under a Rock: A Memoir - Chris Stein

Women Talking - Miriam Toews

You Are Not A Stranger Here: Stories - Adam Haslett

[qnewsau]

The Top QNews Stories from January to July 2024

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/the-top-qnews-stories-from-january-to-july-2024/

The Top QNews Stories from January to July 2024

From jaw-dropping moments in music and film to breaking local and celebrity news, the first half of 2024 was packed with queer news. 

Whether it’s history-making achievements or the latest celebrity drama, these stories grabbed the attention of QNews readers.

Here’s a look back at the most talked-about headlines from January to July, 2024:

G Flip highest ever non-binary artist in Triple J Hottest 100

G Flip’s 2023 album Drummer was a hit with Triple J listeners, with G becoming the highest-ever non-binary artist to appear in the Hottest 100 countdown.

Bobby Berk spills tea on Queer Eye exit and co-star feud

The Queer Eye star opened up about his exit from the show and hinted at a simmering feud with a co-star

Sophie Ellis-Bextor reacts to Saltburn full-frontal scene

The pop star shared her thoughts on that unforgettable full-frontal scene in the film Saltburn.

Community to hold vigil for Jesse Baird and Luke Davies

Tributes poured in as the community came together to honour the lives of Jesse and Luke.

Beau Lamarre-Condon charged with murder

Former NSW police officer Beau Lamarre-Condon was charged with the double murder of Jesse Baird and Luke Davies.

“I’m Not Broken”: QNews chats to lesbian icon Melissa Etheridge

In an exclusive interview, Melissa chatted to QNews ahead of her 2024 Australian tour.

Last hurrah for Darwin gay icon John Spellman at memorial

The community came together to celebrate the life and legacy of the gay businessman and nightclub owner.

Sydney gay sauna 357 announces Bodyline takeover plans

The longtime owners of the Sydney gay sauna gave a major update on the venue’s future.

Critics love Kristen Stewart’s wild new lesbian flick

Kristen Stewart’s lesbian bodybuilding crime thriller was a hit with critics and viewers alike.

Michelle Visage is the new host of Drag Race Down Under

In a huge shake up for the series, Michelle Visage took over the hosting role from RuPaul.

Friend: Lamarre-Condon had two lives

Details continued to emerge about the man charged with murdering Jesse Baird and Luke Davies.

Jonathan Van Ness branded monster by cast and crew

A bombshell report by Rolling Stone published damning allegations about the beloved ‘Queer Eye’ star.

Billie Eilish on embracing her sexuality: ‘I wanted my face in a vagina’

Billie opened up about her sexuality and the sapphic inspiration behind her latest album Hit Me Hard and Soft.

Tickle v Giggle: no laughs at landmark trans case

Trans woman Roxanne Tickle sued social media platform Giggle for Girls after being banned from the women-only app.

Troye Sivan’s tour is gay as hell and it’s giving us FOMO

In May, Troye kicked off his Something To Give Each Other Tour in Europe, giving Aussie fans a serious sense of FOMO.

Sam Kerr officially ruled out of Paris Olympic Games

Sam suffered a serious injury, leaving her out of the Olympic team.

Daniel Craig flick Queer has ‘scandalous’ gay sex scenes

Director Luca Guadagnino said the film has some “outrageous” gay sex scenes.

‘The L Word: New York’ season one confirmed

In June, ScreenRant confirmed that ‘The L Word: New York’ was officially happening.

Kween Kong joins RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars

RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under star Kween Kong was confirmed as a competitor on the first Global All Stars series.

Fitness guru Richard Simmons dead at 76

Los Angeles police confirmed the death of eccentric fitness guru Richard Simmons, one day after his 76th birthday.

Lance Leopard and Carmel Brisbane Celebration of Life

The community gathered to remember local queer identity Lance and his mum Carmel, who tragically died in a house fire.

Stay tuned as we round out the year with the top QNews stories from August to December 2024, coming your way tomorrow.

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[noxxmyosotis]

A Year-End Self-Reflection on my Non-Binary Identity | Full Text

Full video in the following link:

Please like, comment and subscribe if you are interest in the content I made!

My other social media links: bit.ly/m/noxxmyosotis

It’s almost the end of 2024.

Observing pride flags flying over governmental buildings, rainbow colours on random advertisements, and online influencers creating TikTok and Instagram posts expressing queerness publicly for attention would be a lie to say they are not at least somewhat cathartic. Over the past twenty years, so much has changed. Queer people have gone from being an underground minority that is always afraid of prosecution to, at least, people having to pretend they like us for our money.

Since coming out as gay, I have participated in a lot of things within the community. I have watched all the regular and All-Star seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race; I can recite the monologue from Designing Woman; and I watched Eurovision religiously until this year, which is traditionally associated with being within the queer community. I have received a lot of love and friendship in the community, which has allowed me to have a safe space to discover myself and be with my chosen family. In a roundabout way, it has saved my life.

But this year, I have been reflecting. What makes me feel that I must identify as non-binary, more specifically agender, years later? Society would have likely accepted me as a gay man without question. Sure, I occasionally wear dresses and make-up, I generally present in an androgenous manner, and I majored in STEM during my undergraduate studies, which seems to be a key indicator today of being either transgender or furry.

However, none of them are really the key reasons why I feel the need to have a label slapped on myself to feel comfortable with myself. I was able to continue doing all the things I do today, including calling myself a man, for more than 20 years before I even knew what non-binary meant, and my life was fine before then. Why do I, along with many others, feel the need to assign labels to ourselves, while simultaneously asserting that they hold no significance? What differences does it make with the same or different pronoun as before? What makes people non-binary? What makes me non-binary?

Chapter 1: What is non-binary?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary (n.d.), “non-binary” as a term means “relating to or being a person who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that is neither entirely male nor entirely female.”

This practically is correct but at the same time tells basically nothing. Sure, you could argue that it is as simple as “Well, if someone wants to say they are non-binary, I guess they are non-binary.” However, does someone's claim to be non-binary, even sincerely, mean they have the inherent right to claim that identity? In that sense, should we also encourage people to be trans-racial if someone simply wishes so?

There are a few questions that need to be addressed to make the answer clearer. Namely, what is gender identity? What does it mean for a person to identify with or express a certain gender? What does an entirely male or female gender identity entail, and henceforth, what does a gender identity that is neither entail?

Many other content creators, as well as numerous academic works, have previously discussed these questions. For all intents and purposes, this section and the entire video will heavily draw inspiration from such works, but I do not want it to be a heavily researched academic essay that is hard to digest. If you are interested in learning more about these questions, Judith Butler’s work “Undoing Gender” is a contemporary classic that always deserves a read, and Philosophy Tube’s video on identity is still one of the clearest and most interesting videos that deserves many rewatches.

In short, ones’ identity in modern day society is based on forms of societal consensus. Regardless it is gender, race, nationality, or any characteristics that were commonly seen as innate; or other forms of identity that we assume based on our past experiences such as professions, criminal records or social status, it marked you as a social object, and hence used to distinguish and categorise individuals from one another.

Simultaneously, identity is also a form of self-respect or dignity. For instance, when an individual declares themselves as an American, the significance extends beyond their upbringing and cultural heritage, encompassing a sense of pride and belonging derived from shared experiences within the community, as well as a reflection of their desired perception (Fearon, 1999).

Both forms identity coexists with each other and influence each other. If someone were socially categorised as certain identity, it also influences how they perceive themselves, who they are likely going to form communities with, and how they would then project their actions back into the society.

However, it is also important to point out that, for most individuals, they often care about different aspects of their identity to varying degrees rather than the same importance across the board. Someone could identify as male within society but care less about expressing masculinity than spending time in their favourite hobby and being proud of their involvement with such communities.

Under such a definition and understanding of identity, gender identity could then be understood as the social consensus and self-reflection in relation to one’s gender. It could be many aspects intertwined together, including one’s biological nature, their preferences in appearance and presentation, their affiliation with organisations and communities, their activities they partake in, and their outlook in life.

Of course, the most prevalent way of determining one's gender identity is through the biological and physiological conditions of one's body, specifically the genital conditions at birth. However, even in the very early days of medical research, paediatricians have pointed out that though most children show similar tendencies and develop their gender identity in accordance with their body features, there is also a large group of children who may develop their body conditions and henceforth their gender identity in contradiction with their chromosomes (Steensma et al., 2013). Contrary to the prevalent use of biological nature as a powerful justification for anti-trans propaganda, the medical community welcomed many early advocates of transgender rights and social care, viewing them as a natural phenomenon. Their insistence on distinguishing between sex and gender remains a fundamental concept in gender studies today.

Nonetheless, it goes without saying that when people identify or associate with a certain gender identity, they are referring to a lot more than their biological body as a whole. Many developmental psychologists and sociologists have illustrated the prevalence and importance of gender roles, how they became some of the foundational building blocks of society, but most importantly, how individuals who could not feel affinity towards traditional ideals of masculinity or femininity could develop gender and body dysphoria and have a heightened likelihood of anxiety and depression (Steensma et al., 2013). Many of them are also the first few individuals to argue that gender ought to be believed and understood separately from biological sex, a distinction we still see commonly argued today in relation to transgender rights (Money, 1994).

Until now, people have viewed gender as a binary concept: either they identify more with a male identity or a female identity, and there is a dearth of academic literature exploring the in-between spaces. However, since academic and public discourse tends to understand gender as a subjective concept rather than a physical reality, the concept of non-binary emerges from individuals who struggle to consistently affirm or associate with either side of the traditional gender (Matsuno & Budge, 2017).

It is important to recognise that non-binary is not simply a third identity. Non-binary refers to an entire category of identities. There are individuals who sometimes feel affinity towards male and other times female (genderfluid), there are individuals who feel they belong to neither of them (agender), and there are individuals who feel they may belong to both (two-spirited). People can also identify themselves or feel differently about their gender identity at different points in their lives in relation to their lived experience and their evolving understanding of the issues.

It also should be noted that non-binary is not a western or even recent invention. Many indigenous tribes and culture across the world have non-binary identities that were well accepted within their respective society. Some examples include Māhūs in Hawaii, Hijra in Hindu, Bakla in Philippines and more.

Chapter 2: Why am I a non-binary?

Since this video is intended to reflect my own identity journey, it is only fair to outline how I reach this point so far. After all, even if identity is not entirely self-determining, the way I decided to be public and upfront of my identity is still my choice. I am also so used to outwardly claiming to be non-binary now that, I occasionally forgot how hard the decision was, and how far I have already come.

During my youth, I knew I was different, but I do not know why or how. Bullies occasionally targeted me for my excessive effeminate behaviour, but fortunately, my family and friends stood by me, providing unwavering support. Despite the progressive nature of my family and the environment I grew up in, the general public's awareness of queer individuals remains relatively limited. As someone who was also on the ace spectrum but was unaware of it at the time, I dedicated the entire school year to my studies, paying little attention to my gender identity or sexual orientation.

Despite not being actively conscious of my own queerness, there are many indications that I am queer and non-binary, even when I was young. I used to be super into fandom culture; I was on Tumblr a lot of the time and actively participated in writing fanfiction. In the meantime, I used to wrap blankets around my body and pretend to be a supermodel walking down the runway. I also have a distinctive voice, which teachers often confuse with other girls when they are not able to see my face.

It is interesting how gendered my interest are in hindsight. In fact, one indication that parents report that they could predict their children’s sexual orientation is through what toys or hobbies children took on as a child (Saltzburg, 2004). Even though technically nothing stops a cis-straight child from being a theatre kid or be interested in weird animes, these things have been a universal experience of queer youth.

My self-awareness in terms of my sexual orientation did not come into effect until I was 18, which was probably the first time I felt romantic attraction towards someone. At the time, I was confused and scared. Having previously believed that being gay or queer in general was merely a fictional concept, the sudden realization that these identities are real and that you actively participate in them felt ostracizing. It felt like stepping into the world of Alice in Wonderland, where everything was familiar yet different, due to a drastic shift in perspective.

I am not going to extensively delve into things related to my sexuality, given gender identity and sexual orientations are interconnected, but separate issues. Nonetheless, I do feel the need to point out that most non-binary individuals do also identify themselves with other parts of the queer community beforehand. In fact, many of the non-binary individuals first come to learn about the idea that gender could exist outside the binary within the queer community (Vijlbrief et al., 2020).

Interestingly, my first encounter with the concept of non-binary was through pronouns. I was attending an event where they asked me what my preferred pronoun was, a question that was unfamiliar to me at the time. For some reason, I chose to fill out my pronoun as "no preference" during the event, and to my surprise, most people referred to me as "they" instead of "he" for the first time in my life.

It was indeed a strange sensation. English is not my first language, and I never really felt pronouns were more important than a language tool before, but I felt weirdly comfortable to hear others referring to me in a whole new way, in a way that feels more personal and accurate than something that is distant from me.

After conducting additional research, I found myself immersed in the fascinating field of gender sociology. It weirdly simultaneously became not only my first step to understanding myself but also one of my first introductions to sociology as well.

I felt what people often do not talk about enough is how much effort is required before even being sure they are non-binary. Concepts such as gender, gender spectrum, and the meaning of non-binary are all complex concepts to understand from scratch, while there are also a billion labels that are presented to you that, at times, became overwhelming in terms of choices. Rarely do people just wake up and decide they are non-binary; it often takes years of introspection, experimentation, and learning before the affirmation takes place, and it most certainly is not an easy process.

Despite at current day and age, there are many materials online that are extremely helpful, there are also a lot of confusing materials as well, especially considering most people who participate within the discussion are often in contradiction with each other since the nature of them happens in a very decentralised, but not rigid way. Is non-binary just an umbrella term or could stand alone as an identity? Are non-binary individuals automatically trans? Can non-binary person still identify as gay or lesbian?

I could do another separate video just on these questions, which at the end of it there is still no answer to any of them. Just searching through the materials does not help clear the confusion I have or allow me to come to conclusion on my own, therefore I decided to start experimenting, starting with pronouns.

A lot of people have experienced gender euphoria when they just came out. I coincidentally did not have that. That does not mean I am not secure about my gender identity, but a lot of the differences I have only realised in hindsight, especially considering most of my experiments come during the pandemic period.

However, there are a lot of examples of how much better I felt since I have come out as non-binary, more specifically agender. I grew a lot more confident over my appearance that is very gender ambiguous, I became a lot more content with myself not having masculine identities, I grew more confident socially interacting with people when they are able to adjust their expectation of me, and perhaps most importantly, I feel less the need to please or tolerate people who are not treating me kindly as well.

Of course, even at this point, the journey is far from over. The fascinating thing about gender identity and any cultural identity is that people's understanding will forever evolve as time moves on, social perception changes, and you experience more things. A lot of the terms, including the definition of female and male, have changed drastically over time and are likely to keep evolving. Being non-binary allows me to freely explore my gender identity without the need to fit into a box that others have constructed.

Chapter 3: The Non-Binary Life

To be honest, coming out as non-binary did not significantly alter my life. Before and after I came out, my relationship with my family, my friends, and on a professional level almost remained the same. People often forget we are so much more than labels, and no matter what you label yourself, people still perceive you as what they are willing to see in you. Being non-binary does not change the fact that I am weird and socially a bit awkward (ADHD is more accountable for that), nor does it change the fact that I still could not wake up early in the morning for my job, and it certainly does not change how much love and support my friends and family are able to warm my heart. A bit of life advice here: if someone changes how they treat someone, regardless of like or dislike, because of a singular identity they possess rather than their behaviours and heart, perhaps they never even want to know you in the first place.

However, it would be a lie to claim that things have completely unchanged. Mostly, I actively provide my preferred pronoun more often to others, which in a way really plays into the Gen-Z leftist stereotype. Providing the pronoun has also been surprisingly useful in one aspect that I have not yet considered before: identifying who is a bigot or homophobic quicker. There have been people genuinely struggling with remembering people’s pronouns, and I most certainly struggle and need to correct myself often; nonetheless, there have also been a lot of individuals who refused to recognise my pronoun or lack of even a basic attempt to remember to use them. They are, in all, a very good indicator of how much someone is willing to respect you and whether, in the following conversations, they are a considerate enough person to not cause you any trouble.

Being non-binary has also allowed me to have a healthier relationship with myself as someone who is struggling with a with a multitude of mental issues. Though cliché, coming out as an act does liberate me of a lot of my internalised fear of being abandoned, as well as hyperconsciousness of my appearance in front of others. There used to be a mental switch that I must always keep on, being hyperaware of not only my behaviours in a public setting but also how other people talk about me regarding my gender. I would often worry that my straight peers would not perceive me as masculine enough, that my queer peers would not find me flamboyant enough, that they would call me the f-word if I was too outlandish, and that my own peers would scrutinize me for not doing enough to support my own community.

For me, coming out feels more like a brain shutdown. It shut down parts of me that are uncomfortable with how I present myself to others when interacting with them; it shut down my anxiety regarding how I feel about myself and how others are potentially seeing me. I do not have to take on an identity that requires me to put on an act, which saved me a lot of energy and time in life and allowed me to use them in other spaces where I can flourish and allow me to finally spend time bettering myself rather than loathing in self-doubt.

Staying true to myself has given me extra motivation to represent my own identity within general society. Before coming out, I often felt displaced within the queer community in the west, particularly because I struggled to fit into the existing hypersexualized gay stereotype. Since came out, I have had many heartfelt conversations with friends, regarding my decision, as well as my struggle to fit in with the general society and in the queer community, and how I wish to be a good representation for individuals like me who has struggled to find their voices.

There have been, of course, struggles that come with it, especially within the space of social media. It wasn't until I changed my gender on social media to reflect my own identity that I realized how bad of a space social media can be. Numerous instances of personal harassment have compelled me to secure my accounts, limiting access to only my friends. Surprisingly, most of the harassment did not originate from religious individuals, but rather from sexual harassment and strange stalkers who mistakenly believe I assigned female at birth. Honestly, before the change, I had always thought the issue was too long-standing and reserved for more public personalities, but it has unfortunately and depressingly proved me wrong.

Purposeful misgendering is also a very common occurrence, regardless of whether in real life or on social media. Hostility is especially common in non-queer-friendly spaces regarding the use of pronouns, which unfortunately mirrors the political reality. I have yet to experience physical hostilities due to the issue, but unwarranted aggressiveness, vicious mockery, and explicit homophobia and transphobia have limited my capacity to interact with others in many instances, especially compounding with my unassuming physical appearance and lack of confidence in general.

It is crucial to acknowledge that my lived experience is not representative of all non-binary individuals, as it also encompasses many other identities such as being middle-class, living in a large city, and having an accepting family, among others. This serves as a crucial reminder that, generally, non-binary individuals do not enjoy the same level of privilege as I do. Many of the non-binary individuals still live in conditions that are incredibly unfriendly to them, especially in this political climate. For example, in America alone, more than 550 anti-LGBTQ+ bills have been introduced within the country, and more than 50 of them have been passed as laws, compounding with the fact that gender non-conforming individuals already experience a higher rate of physical and mental abuse, hate crime, and mental issues. Many non-binary individuals are not as lucky as I am, and their voice is often lost to the void (Robinson & Cooper, 2023).

Chapter 4: Why does anything matter?

As the year ends, most shops and retailers put their pride flag down, and we remain invisible to most people again; and as the sun sets again, I was alone in my studio apartment facing the mirror in my room, looking at my own reflection without anyone else noticing.

Does my gender identity truly matter? Answering this question is a challenging task. I always find it odd when people become overly fixated on their identity. Humans are multi-faceted, and there is no single word that should be able to describe anyone. If anything, identity is just a convenient label we gave ourselves so we can communicate information more efficiently. When we, too, hinge on the concept of identity, we are losing out on the chance to understand ourselves and other people in nuance. To some extent, I agree with the sentiment that labelling is in and of itself regressive, as it inevitably erases parts of individuals that could exist and blocks out opportunities that allow them to shine.

However, identity plays a significant role, particularly when it comes to political issues. Whether we like it or not, how others see you interconnects and influences your relationships, self-image, and feelings about others. Regardless of our disapproval, the perceptions of others will consistently shape our identity. Our skin colour, language, heritage, appearance, family, friends, the school we go to, the games we play, and so much more are all a part of our identity. No matter how much we like to deny, our characteristics and how they are viewed by others will always be a part of the identity. This is a part of the reason why, no matter how enthusiastic a white person claims, they will never be a black person, and vice versa.

In addition, there always exists tension between how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you and your actions. Associating oneself with the queer community and taking on the queer identity inherently comes with the risk of others changing their perception of you and how they behave or think about you, and being non- binary is not an exception. There is always a risk of individuals misgendering you, ridiculing you, and attempting to take away your rights simply because you choose to identify as a nonbinary individual within the nonbinary community.

Why then? Why should I be able to have the ability to choose how I present myself, and why run the risk when I can be safe?

An important part of the answer to both questions is how we can resolve our tensions amongst ourselves. What makes an identity important is partially the cathartic feeling but also the acceptance of that community. What defines someone as non-binary is not only about finding comfort in defying societal and broader community expectations, but also about welcoming like-minded individuals into their community and safe space, allowing them to share their experiences and knowledge with you in a more authentic manner.

In addition to accessing community support, coming out is also a powerful tool for building our own confidence and agency. Even when you are certain of your identity, queer identities face significant scrutiny. Most sane individuals would agree that a black person can be British, a rich person can be progressive, and a person with a disability can be an exceptional teacher, parent, and friend. Individual, even when they are performing queer acts in silence, will be questioned and denied as such, either claiming they need to be corrected and reformed or just confused, and there shall be course correction to their identities at a fundamental level, at least not since the eugenic movement died off.

The most powerful thing about coming out is the narrative it proposes. You can demonstrate your self-assurance and comfort, by deciding who can shape your self-perception over who cannot. In a world where there is not much human agency, as the social norms shadow upon us and dictates our lives and relationships, and as we unintentionally pass along them to others, even the tiniest bit of feeling that you can control how you feel about yourself and how others can see you is empowering. It is an act of reclaiming our agency, especially when that agency is greatly hindered by millennials’ silencing of queer voices and heteronormative structures that force us to live against our own instincts. Possessing the agency to define ourselves and set out boundaries is immensely cathartic and significant for our existence in this world.

After all these years, I can confidently assert that it truly matters. No matter how many confusions I have to clear up, how many criticisms I face, and how much hate and inequality I have to combat, it is worth it not to feel like I have to torture myself to conform to a standard I know I will likely never reach, or that I have to pretend to be a part of a community that I never felt I belonged to. It made me realize that you are your biggest enemy and your biggest ally. So long as you feel comfortable in your own skin, no matter how harsh the outside world is, you can find your inner peace and improve yourself.

Beyond providing self-assurance, it also serves as a means of initiating a small grassroots movement in your community. There is no better way to educate people who truly care about you and want to learn more than by allowing them to directly face reality. Furthermore, for many individuals who lack the courage to come out or face life-threatening consequences for doing so, simply knowing that there is someone out there who shares your experiences is empowering and cathartic.

Therefore, it does matter. Whether it matters to us or not, it also affects those around us. One day, I aspire to live in a world where nuance prevails over the simplistic labels we assign to each other. However, wishing upon a star that humans can easily change their perception is an impossible solution to begin with. Until that happens, we still need to care about it and fight against the world and those who wish us harm.

Chapter 5: At the end of the reflection

When I initially decided to write an essay about myself, I must admit that my motivation was partly selfish. I want people to see me, agree with me, and care about me, not just as a random YouTuber doing things for fun. I want to establish emotional connections with people, but I don't want to invest a lot of time and effort in building strong relationships, which would drain my energy.

However, there are numerous events and experiences that require reflection before I can move forward again. To me, what makes humans unique is our capacity for self-awareness and introspection. We are not only trying to do the things we do and feel the things we feel, but we also look back and try to understand why they happened and what we can learn from them. I am grateful that, in today’s digital age, I have access to a wealth of knowledge proposed by some of the greatest philosophers out there, a wide range of individuals that are willing to assist me in my endeavour to learn more about myself, and infinite possibilities for me to constantly experiment with my identity safely.

The essay is both harder and easier to write than I imagined. Organizing my thoughts becomes an instinct after some time, and it's not as chaotic as I initially believed. But harder in the sense that it is incredibly hard to select amongst the millions of random thoughts in my head what is worth sharing and what I should not share to protect my private identity. The Internet offers both advantages and disadvantages. It allows you to share anything you want, and there are always people who are willing to listen. However, you must carefully curate your image to be vulnerable enough that people are willing to listen, but not so vulnerable that they feel you are a weirdo and actively attack you.

At the end of the self-reflection journey, I have learned a lot. Mostly, I was finally able to put the theories I have read over the years together with my personal experiences. There is an ancient Chinese proverb: "Read thousands of books and travel thousands of miles." Knowing theories is wonderful, but you never truly learnt them by heart if you are not able to comprehend them emotionally, and experience is worth nothing if you could not rationalise it sensibly.

Nevertheless, there are still numerous things to learn and observe. I would love to hear what the experiences of other people are like and how they navigate around the world with their identity. Humans change based on their experiences, and it's likely that I will also change my perspective on my identity in the future. Over the years, I may take on many new identities and lose some, just as I have for the past years of my life.

Every time I look in the mirror for my reflection, I feel comfortable knowing that I have grown a bit more than yesterday, and it reminds me of how far I have come and how far I may yet go. It gives me courage and confidence to move on with my life.

I don't wish to be anyone else but myself.

Bibliography

Fearon, J. D. (1999). What is identity (as we now use the word). Unpublished Manuscript, Stanford University, Stanford, Calif, 1–43.

Matsuno, E., & Budge, S. L. (2017). Non-binary/Genderqueer Identities: A Critical Review of the Literature. Current Sexual Health Reports, 9(3), 116–120. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11930-017-0111-8

Merriam-Webster. (2024). Nonbinary. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/non-binary

Money, J. (1994). The Concept of gender identity disorder in childhood and adolescence after 39 years. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. https://doi.org/10.1080/00926239408403428

Robinson, K., & Cooper, T. (2023). The Epidemic of Violence Against the Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming Community in the United States. Human Rights Campaign Foundation. https://reports.hrc.org/an-epidemic-of-violence-2023

Saltzburg, S. (2004). Learning that an adolescent child is gay or lesbian: The parent experience. Social Work, 49(1), 109–118.

Steensma, T. D., Kreukels, B. P. C., de Vries, A. L. C., & Cohen-Kettenis, P. T. (2013). Gender identity development in adolescence. Hormones and Behavior, 64(2), 288–297. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.yhbeh.2013.02.020

Vijlbrief, A., Saharso, S., & Ghorashi, H. (2020). Transcending the gender binary: Gender non-binary young adults in Amsterdam. Journal of LGBT Youth. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19361653.2019.1660295

[nightguide]

WINNER ENERGY OF YOU: meet Linna Riaz

YOU'LL CATCH ME BY THE FIRST DANCE I HAVE WITH WHAT I ALREADY WON, SO THIS IS THE ATTITUDE I HAVE WITHIN MY WORKS THAT EVEN MY SISTER NOW BELIEVED IN ME (LEA MICHELE) AND THIS IS WHY I PLANNED IN SMUG TO ATTAIN WHAT I CALL 'LANCELOT'S SEX' AND THIS IS LIKE YOUR HAYA IN WHY YOU'RE MEANT TO BE UNTOUCHABLE

YOU HATE BEING CRAZY INTUITIVE BUT SEX DOES NOT SELL BUT AS AN ARTIST OF ANY FIELD, YOU HATE TO OCCUPY SEX LIKE THE THOUGHT OF BEING ONE IN TOUCH WITH GREED. AND THAT IS WHAT IS GOING TO CARRY YOU INTO STARDOM IF YOU APPROPRIATELY JUSTIFY YOUR REASONS TO LIVE AGAINST SOCIAL BIAS (YOUR PERSONAL VALUES MUST BECOME THE LEGACY OF YOUR PARENTS) BUT THATS THE CAUSE OF YOUR REASON OF EXPRESSION (YOUR IDEAS INFATUATE THE HANDS IN AKASHIC ARTISTRY: ANYONE CAN READ YOUR DREAMS AND LIVE IT BUT THATS WHY IT ENDS IN DOING, SO ITS A LOVE LETTER TO MUSLIMS KNOWING THE SPONTANEITY OF DREAMS)

P. 156

ARTPOP AGENDA

THIS IS HOW YOU DONT BELIEVE IN ANY PSYCHOLOGY/SPEUDO DOINGS THAT WILL AFFECT YOUR SOCIAL CLIMATE (FANBASE IS YOU)

PERSONAL SCOREBOARD OF EMOTIONAL WORTH IN HYPERINTUITIVE VIGILANCE TOWARDS UNITED NATIONS PSYCHE

LIKE THIS IS FOR ALL GENDERS KNOWN (COUNT YOUR AGES)

FROM WORLD LEADER (INFLUENCER) -LOW- TO FORGOTTEN (BAD REPUTATION) -HIGH-

10: UNDERAGE (KINKY TO THE EYE OF THE ARTIST AS THEIR MUSE)

20: SABOTAGED (ALTERNATE SELF IN APPEARANCE TO YOUR OWN INSPIRATION: LOST IN THE EYE OF THE VIEWER AS YOUR OWN FANBASE (YOU BEING YOUR FANBASE)

30: SEXUALLY CHARGED (AN-NUR: STOLEN FROM THE EYE OF THE WANDERER(TAKEN TO APPEAL OF THE MAN ON THE RIGHT WHO IS YOU)

40: NO MERCY (PERSUASION: PRIMAL INANE WONDER WOMAN (OCEAN MOTHER)

50: ICON (SEX SYMBOL)

60: SIGNATURE APPEAL (MODESTY IS YOU BEING A TREND BUT YOUR MANNERS ARE NOW ELSEWHERE LIKE A DEAD WOMAN WANDERING)

70: ANGELINA JOLIE (ACTRESS IS YOU)

ELEMENTARY VISUAL ALTERATIONS (HEARTBREAK HYPOCRISY)

10: EMOTIONAL PIETY IS LIKE A BABY (SABRINA CARPENTER)

20: DEMON BUT YOU'RE LITERALLY YOURSELF (SELENA GOMEZ)

30: SACRIFICIAL LAMB (LADY GAGA)

40: DUMB AF (TREY&PARKER)

50: GOLDEN NUGGET (NEWCOMER)

60: LIONESS (LUPITA NYONGO)

70: STAR BREAKER (NEPO)

DESEMBODIMENT (UNBROKEN IS NOW AVAILABLE TO DOWNLOAD)

10: STARLIGHT (COLDPLAY)

20: CONDITIONS APPLY (SELENA GOMEZ IS FRIENDS WITH A NEW STAR ENERGY)

30: HOLY FVCK (80'S STARDOM BY LORDE (SINGER)

40: SATANISM (PATRICK DEMPSEY)

50: DUMBO LIKE YOU (EVA GREEN)

60: SORRY NOT SORRY (DEMI LOVATO)

70: YOU MET NIGHTGUIDE AND SHE HATED YOU TO LOVE HER (SIERRA CARSON FIRST TIME ENERGY)

IMPAIRED CONTROL AND COGNITION (BREAK FREE)

10: SLOW DOWN MUSIC VIDEO (MATT SMITH HATES LIFE ENERGY)

20: ONLY YOU HATE ME FOR FORGIVING YOU (BROADWAY AFFAIR ON DISPLAY)

30: I HATE BEING YOU BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD THAT *PUBLIC SEXUAL DISPLAY ENERGY* (LINNA RIAZ)

40: PURELY, IDGAS (MILEY CYRUS)

50: STOOPI (DOJA CAT)

60: SHAITAAN (MIA KHALIFA)

70: SHEYTAAN (RELIGIOUSLY DEVOTED TO CONTROVERSY ENERGY)

ANXIETY (SEXUAL PIETY)

10: BABY, I WANNA KNOW (LEE PACE)

20: I CANT LIE (NIGHTGUIDE BLOG)

30: SHOWDOWN (PUSHING DAISIES TV SHOW)

40: AWAKENING TO ALIAS (MATRIX MOVIES IN TOTAL)

50: UNBROKEN (GOLDMAN & SACHS)

60: ANYWHERE (RITA ORA)

70: TIME GOES BY SO SLOWLY (CAMERAS ARE NOT THERE)

BLISSFUL STATE (LGBTQIA+)

10: MISS FUCK (ANSON SEABRA)

20: MYSSPRITTSTIQUE (YOUR YOUNGEST PUSHING DAISIES NARRATIVE THAT WENT WITH YOU ALL THE WAY)

30: DOJA CAT REMIXED (RHINESTONE VOGUE)

40: WHATEVER RUPAUL SAYS (PINK IS YOU)

50: SHARPAID UAE DIRHAMS (GOD I AM, *KISSES TROY BOLTON AT LASST*)

60: REGINA GEORGE (HATE ME TO LOVE YOU)

70: DRAG RACE (RACHEL BERRY PORNO)

EXPERIENCE OF UNITY (RYAN REYNOLDS)

10: KURT (GEIGER)

20: WHATEVER BLAKE LIVELY DOES, DISSAPROVE IT (FRIENDLY)

30: ACADEMIC WARDS MY ASS, WHERE IS MY PSYCHIATRIST (I AM TRAPPED FOR MY LOOKS, NOT MY GOOD HEART BUT DAMN THOSE TERMINATOR MOVIES GETTING IN MY ASS)

40: DEAD (POOL)

50: MASSIVE FAN OF 'THE OFFICE' (EVERY EXCUSE TO GLARE AT THE CAMERA LIKE HIS BEST FRIEND JIM)

60: ISTFGYEM (THAT LEVEL OF ICON IS ALREADY THERE OVER CENTURIES AGO)

70: X-MEN EXISTS AND I CARE (WAH WAH 20TH CENTURY FOX SMUG LORD DUPLEX CITY IN LEGOLAND LEVEL OF GODDESS BITCH ULTRA AMERICAN JESSE EISENBERG REMOVING THE LAST OF THE DUMBASS TWILIGHT GENERATION REPOS)

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE (LORD HAS YOUR SMUG (MUPPETS)

10: ZEN IS GOD (ZEUS PISSED ON YOUR COFFEE BADASSNESS)

20: MY MOM IS NOT YOU (MILF)

30: I LEVELED YOUR DAD IN AN ARMS RACE (SHUT UP)

40: SYLVESTER STALLONE (NOT YOUR KIDS EITHER)

50: X-FACTOR SAD BASTARD STORY IS KEANU REEVES IRL (I HATED HIM SINCE BIRTH ENERGY)

60: KR IS JEALOUS OF YOUR AUTHENTICITY (POOR PEOPLE NOW GET SMUG GLORY OFF KEANU'S PISS ICONS)

70: NAZAR IS MY MOTHER (PHYSICALLY DISABLED)

INSIGHTFULNESS (GLEE)

10: SUE SYLVESTER LIKED YOUR THEORY (CRIMINAL MINDS PERP ONLY AT HOME)

20: FIGGINS DID YOU DIRTY (IS HARPER ST. JAMES IN REAL LIFE)

30: RACHEL BERRY IS HAPPY (CHANNING TATUM IN REAL LIFE)

40: THE PHYSICIAN IS GOING TO STEAL YOU AFTER THE SHOW (YOU'RE CLAIRE FOY IN REAL LIFE)

50: CORY MONTEITH ENERGY (JEFF BUCKLEY HATES YOU)

60: PUSHING DAISIES FAN FICTION (KYLIE MINOGUE IN DOCTOR WHO IS TAKING YOUR WORLD FOR GRANTED)

70: LINNA RIAZ IS FAMOUS (YOU LOVE HER TOO MUCH HENCE THE HYPE FROM INTUITIVE EMOTIONAL BASTARDISATION OF DEMI LOVATO BEFORE HER FAME IN REAL LIFE)

CHANGED MEANING OF PERCEPTS (DEMI LOVATO IS ACTUALLY A GOOD PERSON, BUT PROVE HER THAT YOU'RE NOT YOU ANYMORE (HER REASON TO STOP THINKING IN HER MUSIC THAT KILLS SANITY)

10: IM NOT YOU (LA LA LAND)

20: YOU'RE ME (HERE WE GO AGAIN)

30: IM RIGHT HERE (UNBROKEN - SONG IS YOU)

40: SINCERITY (NIGHTINGALE)

50: I AM (WILDFIRE)

60: STUPIDITY KILLED YOU NOW (YOU DON'T DO IT FOR ME ANYMORE)

70: I AM THE DEVIL (THE ART OF STARTING OVER)

VIVID IMAGERY (DAMN THE DEVIL IS ANNA WINTOUR IN REAL LIFE)

10: BAKED GOOD (FASHION DESIGNER LINEAGE, HOW?)

20: YOUR EX-COMMUNICADO INTUITION ALLIANCE (HOW DID YOU MEET NATALIE?)

30: REVENGE POINT (YOU MET A GIRL BEFORE FAME?)

40: ARE YOU OKAY? (SHE IS HEARTBROKEN TO THE POINT OF DEATH MEETING HER HEART BY ME IRRITATING HER WILL TO LIVE, SO I AM DEAD TO HER BY NOW)

50: SHE HATES ME IN REAL LIFE (SHE SPEAKS IN DJINN)

60: I AM HER (I KNEW WHAT I DID WRONG)

70: HER NAME IS (BRIDGIT MENDLER)

AUDIO-VISUAL SYNASTHAESIA (Fi DOM'S ARE NOW SCARY TO BELIEVE IN)

10: GHOST MOVIE TELLS YOU EVERYTHING (WHOOPI GOLDBERG IS ME NOW)

20: SHE GOT MY TONGUE (I KNEW IT)

30: HER SOCIALS ARE ME (IM DEAD NOW)

40: I POSSESSED HER, SHE IS ME (I HATE HER. I HATE ME *STRESSES OUT TO THE POINT OF CONFUSION UNIQUE TO HER EXCELLENCE IN KNOWLEDGE VIA MARITAL SEPARATION)

50: *SCREAMS IN BLOOD-BORNE TERROR IN HER GUT EXPOSED AND NOW SHE IS WALKING WITH IT TO HER WORLD BECOME TO KILL YOU IN REAL LIFE* (I HATED YOU, LOVATO)

60: *KILLS YOU IN REAL LIFE* (TELL ME THE TIME)

70: KNOWN TRAUMA BUT NO HEART (MARRIED NOW)

SO ADD THAT UP TO APPROXIMATELY 770 (WEEKLY)

YOUR ARTWORK HAS TO ADD TO 770 WHICH IS HOW YOU'LL BE MARKED BY SOCIAL RATING (YOU DON'T DO IT BUT YOUR CLAIRVOYANT SKILLS DO THAT FOR YOU)

THAT IS HOW I KNOW WITH THAT OUTFIT I WEAR THAT (INSHAA ALLAH) TO ACADEMY AWARDS IN THE FUTURE (I DONT KNOW THE DATE YET BUT THIS IS HOW GENUINE MANIFESTATION TECHNIQUES WORK BY SOCIAL SINCERITY VIA ARTWORK BEING YOU

SO HERES WHAT I WON

ALBUM: IF HE LOVED ME (DEBUT)

ACADEMY BEST ORIGINAL SONG SCORE

ACADEMY BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

ACADEMY BEST ORIGINAL SONG

2. MARITAL SEPARATION ENERGY

P. 111

ADULT NEUROGENESIS: STAND THEM UP (YOU KNEW WHO THEY ARE)

COGNITIVE PERFORMANCE: DO WHAT YOU WANT (AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOUR HEART)

ANXIETY-LIKE BEHAVIOUR: SWEAR WITH YOUR HEART THAT ALLAH DOES NOT KNOW YOU FOR ANYTHING, JUST TEACH THE BASTARD HOW TO BE AND KEANU REEVES FINALLY WINS AN ACADEMY AWARD AT LAST

3. THERAPIST IS YOU, NOW DUMP THE CLIENT. GOD LEVEL

SCHIZOPHRENIA MADONNA'S WHORE COMPLEX: THIS TIME, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE WORLD BUT YOU DO. I DO CARE BUT THIS IS YOUR DOING, NOT MINE. I CARE TO LIVE UNDER YOUR EXPECTATIONS BUT, YOU'RE TOO SLOW FOR ME TO MOVE ON WHICH IS WHY I MADE EVERYTHING IN MY HEAD TO REAL LIFE, LIKE THATS MY PHILOSOPHY

SCHIZOPHRENIA HOLLYWOOD: I DONT LIKE YOU, WHICH IS WHY I DREAMED OF MOVING AWAY FROM MY HOME AT LAST (GETTING MARRIED IS HOW I GET PAID FOR EXISTING)

SCHIZOPHRENIA H8: PLEASE, FUCK ME

[deariemay]

I agree and I think positive representation of homosexuality is really important. Sex that is not reproductive is still a genuine form of intimacy

As a lesbian I have enjoyed reading some ABO because it is cathartic to watch men experience fictional sex-based oppression. Fear of pregnancy, stereotypes surrounding biology, etc. I would absolutely love if these stories were about women instead, and didn’t feature a (usually abusive) ‘alpha male’ they eventually fall in love with, but some of them have been striking and emotional, and women have been overlooked in publishing and literature for so long, I’m sometimes just glad to have them express themselves as artists.

(Low Tide in Twilight had a genuinely fantastic protagonist, it was heartbreaking. I hated the love interest though)

Sometimes it’s for the best that women aren’t featured. I believe the women who write ABO would — if they were told to no longer write heterosexual gender roles in yaoi — instead write ‘dark romance’ along the lines of Colleen Hoover. I really don’t think we need more of that. Some women writing ABO are projecting the misogyny they experience onto dolls and creating a separation to deconstruct it. I don’t think if a woman or teenage girl who has grown up her whole life being told her purpose is to get married and have children, projects those expectations onto a male, that is inherently wrong.

As for the ABO f/f inundation, I have never met a biological woman who has wrote that. It has all been men or TIMs. We can’t even get men to stop raping women on camera, so I honestly don’t even try to stop these freaks cause they don’t care.

ABO doesn’t accurately depict homosexuality because it is usually for straight women. Erotic literature that exists only for straight women is important because they need a safe space to express themselves sexually that men don’t access. Yaoi keeps straight men away, whereas f/m has men infesting the comment section. Seeing as most fanfic writers are teens, predation is a huge concern. However, fanfic has led to a huge spike in girls ‘transitioning’ into men, because they want yaoi relationships, not realizing gay men are *nothing* like the way straight women write them. If we clarify this, I believe ABO can have a place in the world

I would love love love having more female characters. I want women to stop writing from men’s perspective. A lot of ABO is bad and just poorly written, but some isn’t and I value female artistic creation and expression of misogynistic structures. I read ABO before I realized I was gay because I was attracted to the female characteristics of the ‘omegas’ but hated het erotica. Some women struggle with internalized homophobia and coming to terms with their attraction to female anatomy and ABO can be a place to explore that

Outside of fan fiction, gay men just have so many spaces in the way lesbians don’t. Every single corner in my city has a gay bar but there are no lesbian bars. As a lesbian woman, when I go to these places they side-eye me like I’m colonizing. They are so much more visible (RuPaul, Q**** Eye etc.) and there’s lots of incredibly successful gay men all across history. I will always support gay men, but I think there are plenty of places for them to define what their sexuality means to them. I have never met a gay man who reads ABO. It just exists outside of their sphere of influence. It’s usually for women, and with how much women are dehumanized in het erotica, I’m hesitant to tell them they should be writing het instead.

As someone who has been very deep in fandom stuff and has gotten out of the disgusting aspects of it, I wanted to make an overview of the most obvious aspects that are problematic with ABO dynamics, because I only ever see being against ABO treated as a "preference" issue within fandom, when I think it is a political/societal issue. People only ever want to hear the most comfortable point of view on a subject, no one likes looking too deeply into fandom because it is often people's escape from reality. I too use fandom as escapism, but there are lines that shouldn't be crossed, there is a limit after which fandom can become unhealthy, and instill unhealthy ideas within already vulnerable people.

To anyone outside of my followers who might read this, I want to clarify that this analysis comes from the perspective of a lesbian who's tired of misogyny and homophobia in fandom.

So getting down to a basic view of it, a lot of ABO is set in m/m ships, in order to add either mpreg to the mix, or create a heterosexual-adjacent parallel within a same sex ship. It also uses alpha/omega dynamics as an equivalent to top/bottom, and by extension equates top/bottom to dom/sub, as the alphas are always burly, sometimes even mean, evil, dark, and the omegas are pathetic waifs, who only ever bottom, who only ever serve. This is homophobic. This is normalizing the idea that all homosexual relationships are devious or fetishistic.

My main qualms with the mpreg aspect... Mpreg is used to basically remove any need for women in fandom, and it truly shows how fandom just sees women as breeding machines/wives/mothers, so unnecessary they even take away the ability to reproduce from them, giving it over to men, so they don't have to bother writing female characters at all. These men have fully functional male anatomy, but also somehow a working uterus somewhere in the mix, which is just fantastical, but still, these are fully male characters. (Pointing it out because it will be relevant later on).

Both of these examples (mpreg and using alpha/omega as both top/bottom and dom/sub) tie into what I mentioned about the need to fit same sex relationships into heterosexual roles. You know what couples can reproduce? Male and female couples. Aka heterosexual/opposite sex attracted couples. When you take a gay ship, with same sex attracted individuals, and push them into "able to impregnate" and "able to be impregnated" boxes, you are trying to assimilate a homosexual couple into a heterosexual one, and that normalizes that only couples who can reproduce are worthy of telling stories about.

I've talked about m/m ships because they are the overall prevalent ships in most fandoms, and definitely the most common in ABO dynamics alternative universe fanfiction. However, when ABO is applied to f/f ships, something even more perverse can be observed: often, the alpha female characters are granted a penis. At this point there is no hiding that basically ABO f/f fanfiction is actually f/m fanfiction, wherein one of the characters (the alpha) is actually male, with breasts to go along with a fetishistic, unrealistic view of supposedly f/f relationships. This leads to plenty of heterosexual sex flooding the f/f tags. This leads to the idea that lesbians enjoy penis. It leads to the idea that they need penis in order to have fulfilling relationships, with "breeding" kinks, with pregnancy. Like in m/m fanfic, the alpha character has fully functioning male genitalia, even if they might present breasts.

I don't think it needs to be said that fandom often fetishizes and oversexualizes gay ships. That's already fucked up obviously, but at least outside of ABO, usually the fanfiction is actually homosexual. Through ABO fanfiction homosexual relationships are assimilated into heterosexual ones, and we're supposed to let it slide because of... Why?

The alpha/omega stuff translates into fucker and fucked, one must be the one who "wears the pants" in the relationship, one must be submissive, quiet, subservient.... Aka basic heterosexist bullshit.

This particular fanfiction trope teaches young impressionable gay people that the correct way for them to be is actually heterosexual, and it teaches heterosexual people reading fanfic that actually gay people are totally interested in opposite sex genitalia which is just... Not true. It also teaches women we are unimportant, replaceable. It takes pregnancy, this aspect of womanhood which has historically been used to oppress us, keep us down, keep us quiet and subservient... And normalizes that men could go through that too. It coopts our struggles. So you get a barrage of abortion fics, of teen pregnancy fics, of dangerous pregnancy situation fics... And they're all about men. Not a single woman with a speaking role in sight. Maybe they'll have a daughter, though, so the alpha gets to be overprotective, and they get to be seen as soft dads, and she gets to have no autonomy or personality... Bc what woman ever does?

TLDR; ABO is both homophobic and misogynistic/sexist. Drop that gross shit.

[confessionsofablogaholic]

College Life

Disclaimer: All names that are used are fake, but blog posts are 100 percent real. Nothing said in the blog post is intended to be offensive.

You know the best thing about college? The roommates! Definitely the roommates. The roommate that over thinks everything, and can’t even decide whether they’re a man or woman, let alone if they like men or women. Or maybe it’s the ghost, a.k.a the short one who basically doesn’t live here. Or the annoying loud gay kid who quotes Rupaul’s Drag Race, and is always 5 seconds away from belching a show tune. Maybe it’s the circus of clowns they call artists in creative writing, myself included. Maybe next time I should remember to bring my big red rubber nose. Nothing is better than hearing loud idiots, a.k.a. my fellow college students, outside of the on campus apartment complex every single night. Maybe I’m just a miserable grouchy bitch, or maybe everyone JUST SUCKS!!!!!

[tvrundownusa]

tvrundown USA 2024.01.19

Friday, January 19th:

(exclusive): Zorro (APrime, reboot series premiere, all 10 eps), Indian Police Force (APrime, Delhi cop drama, all 7 eps), LOL: Last One Laughing - Ireland (APrime, all 6 eps available), Dance Life (APrime, docuseries, Brent Street Academy, all 5 eps), The Bequeathed (netflix, Korean thriller limited series, all 6 eps), Chad (Roku, new network, season 2 available, all 10 eps), Love on the Spectrum (netflix, USA season 2 available, all 7 parts)

(movies): "Guess Who" (TUBI, horror, ~95mins), "The Origin of Evil" (AMC+, French thriller from IFC Films), "The Kitchen" (netflix, London dystopia, 110mins), "Caged Wings (Mi soledad tiene alas)" (netflix, drama, ~100mins), "Sixty Minutes" (netflix, German mixed martial arts action, 90mins)

(streaming weekly): Reacher (APrime, season 2 finale), My Man is Cupid (APrime, penultimate), Hazbin Hotel (APrime, adult animated musical comedy, first 4 eps), Love Is Blind: Sweden (netflix, next 4 eps), The Woman in the Wall (Para+, thriller mini-series premiere), The Traitors (Peacock), Undead Unluck (hulu), Who's Talking to Chris Wallace (MAX, news, season 6 opener)

(streaming twice/week): My Demon (netflix)

(hour 1): Transplant (NBC), Power III: Raising Kanan (Starz), Shark Tank (ABC), Penn & Teller: Fool Us (theCW), RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV, 90mins)

(hour 2): Masters of Illusion (theCW) / . / World's Funniest Animals (theCW), RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV, contd) / . / Untucked (MTV)

(hour 3): Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, season 22 opener), CMT Campfire Sessions (CMT, "NEEDTOBREATHE"), The UnBelievable with Dan Aykroyd (HIST)

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I am of the opinion that there is the rare person who doesn’t feel like they can come out at a later age it’s always people who are bisexual, and are very much appearance and behavior wise in line with what is expected for a straight person of their gender, and in that case understand why they don’t come out, they can choose to “be straight”. Stede doesn’t fit that at all. The man is gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Not unrealistic.

Yeah you're wrong tho, about that assumption that it’s rare to get a late bloomer and gay people just know they're gay. Just off the top of my head Kasha Davis is a drag queen who was on RuPaul's drag race who identifies as a homosexual (to my knowledge anyway). So, you know, the gayest of the gay, and she married a woman for a while. Like the story she tells in this video (cw: rather frank discussions of sex and homophobia and pedophilia in the case of one of their first times. Skip over Ginger Minj’s first time story if you don’t want to hear that one) makes it clear that she knew and she was hiding in the closet intentionally, so it’s not exactly like Stede “last to know” Bonnet but still that's a man in a wig and a dress who only dates men telling you that he didn't come out until later in his life. And that is just off the top of my head. I just happened to remember that video. There’s tons and tons of Stories like that one and there’s tons and tons of real people who have Stories like Stedes where they didn’t even know. Gay people have been epistemically oppressed. for centuries we were not allowed to be known or add our experiences to the communal pool of knowledge, If you don’t even have the word gay or homosexual, how are you meant to know that the solution to your feelings is to act on your same sex attraction? The only word Stede has is buggery and it’s a crime punishable by death. Like it’s not crazy that a man in that society wouldn’t put the pieces together. Plenty of people in OUR society don’t put the pieces together for a very very long time, just because you and I knew who we were before we were adults doesn’t make that experience a universal one.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2022: #40

40. ISRAEL Michael Ben David - “I.M” 30th place

Decade Rank: 78/79 [Above Jendrik, below Undisclosed]

God don’t you LOVE songs that have unnecessary ellipses in their main hook. “You KNOW I AM” - We know you’re WHAT? Answers spring to mind, and some of them would get me cancelled for life if I commited them to print.

A word of warning before we continue: I strongly dislike MANY entries in this year! So to finish last in this year’s ranking, you’d have to be borderline unbearable, and here were are!

Man, I would have loved to be at the pitch meeting for this one though.  “Ok look we have this flaaaaaming homo finalist who behaves like a sassy black woman in public, and we have stereotypical RuPaul song. Combining the two would DEFINITELY profile Israel as the most progressive country in the Middle-East!”  - “Glam! Can he sing?” “Yep!” -”Can he dance?” “Yep!” -”Is he likeable?”  “............. um... well... I”  - “Just kidding! 🤣”  “Pfew, you sure got me there 😅😅”  - “I know right?! 😅”

Ironically enough, I actually *liked* Israel’s song upon reveal, that is to say, I laughed hysterically that something *this* OTT was even being put forward as a potential Eurovision entry. Nobody can ever take “I.M” (yes. with the dot in the middle.) seriously, but eh, it was obviously going to lose Israel’s shitty NF to Inbal Bibi’s Marionette. Lemme have my laffs while it lasts. Then it won, and I instantly stopped laughing. 😶 A RuPaul anthem taken outside of a Drag Race context really isn’t more than a Todrick song, the main flavour of which is ANNOYING.

But hey, what is a fully irrelevant if EXTREMELY IRRITATING NQ in an otherwise really shitty Semi Final? And don’t get me wrong, while all I wanted to do during “I.M” was melt *onto* the floor like Alex Mack (DESPITE all the good efforts Israel put into making its staging visually appealing), this semifinal had some GODAWFUL qualifiers that I happily would have yeeted first.

But of course Michael Ben *Doležal* HAD to expose his oppressive, shallow-as-a-puddle, “YASSSS HUNNY’-style personality in a way I could no longer ignore:

Leave it to an Israeli to invade someone else’s personal space! 🙄 (ps: Mika <3)

Also, one of my friends was in the audience and informed me that after pulling *THAT* stunt, MBD then attempted to walk on stage during Il Volo’s performance and had to be escorted back to his booth by security guards. SIT THE FUCK DOWN, INSECT!!

Between this, and all the shit he pulled at Israel Calling (Monika Liu is the best human at this ESC if ONLY because she immediately called out his creepy touchy-feely ways) *AND* at the Turquoise carpet (lowlights include: Slapping an unassuming viola player in the face for laughs, pouncing at Sheldon before almost literally eating his face, and doing THIS to poor Alesia Michelle, 

(Part of me believes he would have continued down the carpet carrying her severed head as a trophy if he had been allowed to.)

), Michael’s behaviour was that of a self-absorbed cretin. Somewhere, in some basement, a Reddit conspirationist is busy perfecting the theory that all of the Israeli “WILL THEY GO TO TORINO?!” drama was due to Michael proving himself IMPOSSIBLE to work with, and I would totes subscribe to it tbh. 

Also, was he not aware that if he, or ANY of the people he disgraced with unwarranted touches and kisses and God knows what else, would be IMMEDIATELY quarantined at the slightest Covid symptom? That he risks fucking himself over, I don’t care about, but his Superspreader ways could have easily caused the contest to be over for any of the other artists he came in contact with, and that just shows what sort of a narcisma he is. Michael LOVES being the centre of attention at any price, and loves it as much as much as he wishes he could love himself. It would have made for an almost tragic case study if I hadn’t actively been rooting for an instant DQ the entire time.

THE RANKING:

40. ISRAEL: Michael Ben David - “I.M”

[imeverywoman420]

Hope this isnt a sensitive subject but I was just wondering re. your stance on men, you say tht you loved your dad and describe him 2 b a great guy, but you also say you dont really regard men as people, (I know theres obvs more complexity 2 that) but I was just wondering if you can reconcile these feelings of the men you do actually love and respect and the anger you feel at them (I'm a woman and find it hard to sort of .. decide I guess what I feel abt men, hope this doesnt sound rude)

Dude my dad was so weird he doesnt even read as a man to me.

Like he only had one wife before my mom and then after divorcing her never married or dated again. I legit dont think he was gay or if he was he was VERY repressed cause he wasnt getting with men either. Like he had a gay brother he was fine with i think if he was gay he wouldve like. Been like im gay.

He was like. A neat hoarder. A collector i guess but he had 100 of everything you could possibly need. But his house was always neat. And he didnt hoard garbage or invaluable things. Like he collected an entire safe (a HUGE safe) of guns which my uncle stole from me when he died lol along with all the guns in the house except for a few rifles and handguns. He had half the downstairs parlor covered floor to ceiling in wv glass. Glass companies used to be a big thing in wv they were all incredibly ornate pieces of china. And he had BOXESSSS stacked to the ceiling in his basement of them too.

He literally watched rupaul with me. Degrassi. Jerry springer. I would do a little fashion show every time i went shopping and he would try his best to understand fashion 😭 but no matter how much of a hot mess i looked hed say emily u look very nice! He would let me wear makeup when i was like 8. So many dads wont even let their daughters paint their nails. He NEVER ever once told me i couldnt wear something.

He had books on reincarnation, he even recommended me the gospel of mary magdalene. He was a libertarian but not like. An ancap. It was like he had way more complex beliefs than he was letting on. He grew a weed plant in his closet lol. He had at least 5 grocery bags of CARTONS of american spirits

TLDR I could go on and on but my dad was a fucking strange man and i guess i dont see him as a man. He built that entire duplex from the ground up in the 70s/80s and was a shop teacher most of his life. But he didnt act like a “Man” around me. We watched degrassi and he watched me play the sims and bought me palettes of japanese candy when i was in my weeb phase and let me have as many Phases as i wanted to and i could gossip and talk to him about anything.

[a-room-of-my-own]

A while before the latest hoo-ha about Judith Butler, I had just been reading her again. Though she claims her critics have not read her, this simply isn’t the case. I read Gender Trouble when it first came out and it was important at the time . That time was long,long ago. She was just one of the many ‘post-structuralist’ thinkers I was into. I would trip off to see  Luce Irigaray or Derrida whenever they appeared.

I got an interview  with Baudrillard and tried to sell it to The Guardian but they  didn’t know who he was so its fair to say I was fairly immersed in that world of theory.  For a while, I had a part time lecturing job so I had to keep on top of it. Though Butler’s idea of gender as performance was not new , it was interesting.  RuPaul said it so much more clearly in a  quote nicked from  someone else “Honey ,we are born naked, the rest is drag”

What I was looking for again , I guess is not any clarity – her writing is famously and deliberately difficult-  but whether there was ever any sense of the material body. She wrote herself in 2004 “I confess however I am not a very good materialist. Every time I try to write about the body, the writing ends up being about language” . 

Butler from on high ,cannot really think about the body at all which is why they (Butler’s chosen pronoun) are now the high priestess of a particular kind of trans ideology.  The men who worship Butler are not versed in high theory. The fox botherer had a “brain swoon” at some very ordinary things Butler said. Mr Right Side of history nodded along in an interview. Clearly neither of these men are versed in any of this philosophy and would be better off sticking to tax law and the decline of the Labour Party. Butler is simply a totem for them.

Butler said in the Guardian interview for instance  “Gender is an assignment that does not just happen once: it is ongoing. We are assigned a sex at birth and then a slew of expectations follow which continue to “assign” gender to us.”

So yeah? That’s a fairly basic view of the social construction of gender though I take issue with the assigned at birth thing ,which I will come back to and why I started reading her again in the first place.

This phrase “Assigned sex at birth” is now common parlance but simply does not make sense  to me. I am living with someone who is pregnant. I have given birth three times and been a birthing  partner. I know where babies come from. There is a deep disconnect here between language and reality which no amount of academic jargon can obliterate. 

Babies  come from bodies. Not any bodies but bodies that have a uterus. They grew inside a woman’s body until they  get pushed out or dragged out into the world. 

The facts of life that we are now to be liberated from in the form of denial. Only one sex can have babies but we must now somehow not say that. The pregnant “people” of Texas will now be forced into giving birth to children they don’t want because they are simply “host bodies”. The language of patriarchal supremacy and that of some of the trans ideologues is remarkably close, as is their biological ignorance.

There is no foetal heatbeat at six weeks for instance. When a baby is born , doctors and midwives do not randomly assign a sex, they observe it and they do it though genitalia. 

There is a question over a tiny percentage of babies ,less that one percent with DSDs but even then they are sexed with doctors having  difficult conversations with parents about what may happen later.

Somehow, though when I read the way in which this is now all discussed it is clear to me that the people talking have never been pregnant, never had a foetal scan, never been near a birth , never miscarried, do not understand that even with a still birth babies are still sexed and often named. 

If you want to know the sex of your baby you can pay privately and know at 7 weeks ((*49-56 days from the first day of the mother’s last menstrual cycle). A 12 week scan will show it. That is why so many female foetuses are aborted . I have reported on this. 

Talking to paediatricians about this is interesting because they do indeed have to think through these things that we are being told are not real eg. that sex is just a by-product of colonialism for instance.  Sometimes pre-conception , geneticists will be looking at chromosomes because certain diseases are more likely in men or women. Males have a higher risk of haemophilia for instance.  

One doctor told me “When babies are premature, the survival advantage of females over males is well known throughout neonatology. This is sometimes something we talk about with parents when there is threatened premature labour around 23 weeks' gestation and options to discuss about resuscitation and medical interventions. In fertility treatment (or counselling around fertility in the context of medical treatments) it is pretty inherent to know whether we need to plan around sperm, or ova + pregnancy.”

She also said that if she involved in a birth that “assigning” isn’t the word she world use. “Observed genitals a highly reliable observation, just like measuring weight or head circumference which is also done at this time. “ Another doctor said that anyone involved with a trans man giving birth  would be doing the best for the patient in front  of them. 

Sex then is biological fact. A female baby will have all the eggs she will ever have when she is first born which is kind of amazing. It is not bio-essentialist to say that our sexed bodies are different nor is it transphobic to recognise it.

Except of course in my old newspaper ,The Guardian who are now so hamstrung by their  own ideology they have got their knickers in such a twist they can barely walk.  They completely misreported the WiSpa incident , basically ignored the Sonia  Appleby  judgement at the Tavistock. Appleby was a whistle blower ,a respected professional concerned with safe guarding. She won her case. The cherry on the cake this week was an interview with Butler, themselves (?) in which they went on about Terfs being fascists and needing to extend the category of women.

Does anyone EVER stop to think that most gender critical women are of the left, supporters of gay rights, often lesbian and that this is not America? We are not in bed with the far right. This is bollocks. Just another way to dismiss us.  

As we watch Afghanistan and Texas ,to say Butler’s words were tone deaf is to say the least. But they didn’t even have the guts to keep the most offensive stuff in the piece and overnight edited it out without really explaining why : the bits where Butler described gender critical people as fascist. Perhaps because the person their “reporters” had  defended against  transphobia at WiSpa turned out to be a known sex offender,  perhaps because someone pointed out that Butler was throwing around the word fascist rather like Rik Mayall used to do in the Young Ones. 

All of this is rather desperate and readers deserve better. When I left that newspaper I said that I thought and expected editors to stand up for their writers in public. Instead they go into some catatonic paralysis. I may have not liked this interview but it should never have been cut. Stand by what you publish or your credibility is shot.

But this is about more than Judith Butler and their refusal to support women . Butler is not really any kind of feminist at all. What this is about is the large edifice of trans ideology  crumbling when any real analysis is applied. Yes, I have read Shon Faye’s book and there are some interesting points in it and I totally agree that the lives of trans people should be easier and health care better . I have never said anything but that.

What Faye does in the book is say that there can be no trans liberation under capitalism so there will be a bit of a wait I suspect. 

Yet surely it is the other way round and what we are seeing is that trans ideology (not trans people – I am making a distinction here ) represent the apex of capitalism .

For it means that the individual decides their own gendered essence and then spends a fortune on surgery and a lifetime on medication to achieve the appearance of it. Of course lots of people spend a lifetime  on medication but not out of choice.  Marx understood very well that the abolition of our system of production would free up women.

Now it is all about freeing up men. Who say they are women. Quelle surprise.  

 Nussbaum’s famous take down of Butler is premised exactly on the sense of individual versus collective struggle “ The great tragedy in the new feminist theory in America is the loss of a sense of public commitment. In this sense, Butler’s self-involved feminism is extremely American, and it is not surprising that it has caught on here, where successful middle-class people prefer to focus on cultivating the self rather than thinking in a way that helps the material condition of others. “

Such thinking now dominates academia. There is simply an unquestioning  rehearsal of something most of know not to be true thus Amia Srinivasan writes in The Right to Sex  “At birth, bodies are sorted as ‘male’ or ‘female’, though many bodies must be mutilated to fit one category or the other, and many bodies will later protest against the decision that was made. This originary division determines what social purpose a body will be assigned.”

What does ‘sorted’ mean here? A tiny number of intersex babies are born. A tiny number of people are trans and decide to change their bodies. The feminist demand to challenge gender norms without mutilating any one’s body no longer matters. What matters now is this retrograde return  to some gendered soul. This is not something any decent Marxist would have any truck with . Of course one may change over a lifetime and of course gender is never ‘settled.’ We are complex people who inhabit bodies that often don’t work or appear as we want them to.

But not only is there a denial of basic Marxism going on here , what becomes ever more apparent is  that there is a denial of motherhood. Butler said “Yet gender is also what is made along the way – we can take over the power of assignment, make it into self-assignment, which can include sex reassignment at a legal and medical level.”

Self-assignment is key . One may birth oneself. No longer of woman born but self -made. This is a theoretical leap but it also one that has profound implications for women as a sex class. We are really then, just the  host bodies to a new breed of people who self-assign.

Maybe that is the future although look around the word and there isn’t a lot of self-assignment going on. There are simply women shot and beaten in the street, choked to death or having  their rights taken  away. There is no identifying out of this , there is no fluidity here . This is not discourse. It is brutality and do we not have some responsibility to other women to confront male violence ?

Instead the hatred is aided and abetted by so called philosophers describing  other women as Terfs. It is utterly depressing.

The sexed body. The pregnant body. The dying body. The body is in trouble when we can’t talk about it . I thought of Margaret Mary O’Hara’s  beautiful and  strange lyrics and what they might mean. I await my child’s return from the hospital as hers is a difficult pregnancy and thank god they are on the case. The sex of the child she carries does not matter to me at all .

It simply exists. Not in language but within a body. 

Why is that so difficult to acknowledge? 

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba Weekly Reviews: Mr. X/ Sprig’s Birthday

Hello all you happy people! And we’re back with another frogtastic week of amphibia as we approach our yuletiede season finale. Still I got a month of episodes to cover and season 3 continues it’s hot streak as we meet an awesome new antagonist and get a fun birthday episode that dosen’t really advance anything but is just really entertaining so fuck it.

 I know I keep gushing about the season every week but it’s hard not to: this is the show at it’s very best with everything that made it good, some new stuff that makes it better and just so much to compliment, analyzie and make jokes every week. I’ll be sad to see the show go when it’s on this hot a run but  a friend of mine has some wise words on the subject

I’d rather the show go out on it’s absolute hightest point than slowly fizzle out and hope it gets good again. While I DO think Disney needs to rethink giving shows more than three seasons, and in ONE CASE GIVE IT THE THREE FULL SEASONS IT WAS PROMISED, it’s clear Matt carefully crafted the show to be three acts, plenty of room for wacky side shenanigans that fully explore it’s two worlds and colurful cast, but not so much that he dosen’t get to finish the story his way. Granted again, Dana Terrace played that way too and got shit on for it, and I bring it up here because I won’t let disney forget it till they give us a steven universe future esque fourth season as an apology, but my point is more often than not disney will give a show at least three seasons and it was better to plan for that than hope for a fourth. And as seen with star vs getting a fourth dosen’t mean you’ll do something constructive with it. Lotta dunking in this paragraph and I regret none of it. You reap what you sow. 

As for news... I still got nothing, but I did get a plushie of donald duck. 

So with his disapproving glare burned into your skulls let’s unpack this frogtastic week while we still got a show to unpack. And if you want me to start covering season 1 during the show’s breaks and once i’ts finsihed jus thop over to my patreon. One dollar a month unlcoks my stretch goal and 5 a month gurantees you aa review of your choice so if ther’es another show or specitic episodes of this one from season 1 you want,..

                                     THE LINK IS RIGHT HERE. 

                           DO IT DO IT FOR YOUR BRAINHOLE. 

And that unlocks them FOR ALL READERS, and the more people who do, the more shows I can afford to cover as patreon helps me do this for a living as do comissions which are open via inbox. Shilling’s done with, KEEP ON READING BELLOW!

Mr. X

We open with our titular new villian, Mr. X. And he’s played by motherfucking Ru Paul!

RuPaul is an icon and while I haven’t watched Drag Race, I know you may boo, I support the fact the man brought Drag to the main stream, being the the first drag performer to rep a cosmetics line, producing albums and of course drag race which has been a huge hit and continues to be one. The Man, The Woman, The Legend is someone I really wish I knew more about as they seem to have had a fascenating life and geninely sparkle anytime they show up in something weether as their fabulous self or playing a role. RuPaul’s voice acting resume is suprisingly small, but when they show up they bring it. They previously tore it the fuck up in two episodes of Harvey Beaks as Jackie Slithersteen, easily the show’s best guest character and guest voice. She only showed up twice, but every second they were on screen was a fucking gift and one of the biggest tragedies of not getting a season 3, among the many other valid reasons, is that given the pattern established by the last two seasons we did not get a third Jackie episode. I could also not find a clip compleation because god apparently hates me... and because Harvey Beaks needs a larger fanbase. Hopefully Jellystone will help with that as it increases CH Greenblat’s profile again. 

Point is I was amped and RuPaul dosen’t disapoint. Mr. X is easily one of the best additions the series has had and given this in the same season that gave us the Boonchuy parents, who likewise have added a ton to the show despite coming in in it’s final act, that’s high praise. This is also a show that’s had an all star voice cast, as well as some up and coming talent, from day one and only built from there. So coming into the show this late in the game, with only 3/4 of the series left, and instantly becoming one of the most memorable and engaging parts of it in the span of an episode is a hard feat. It also speaks to the disney creative team talent that this is the SECOND breakout villian they’ve created in the span of a year after Hunter over in Owl House. These creators work damn hard and get shit on constantly so give them some love. 

Mr. X shares some of your standard alien hunter tropes: He wears a suit, he has glasses (If fly lenses instead of the standard shades), dosen’t realize our heroes aren’t harmfull and possibly dosen’t give a shit if they aren’t, and has a ton of resources at hand despite being thought of as a crank by some of his peers.  What makes X  diffrent than his forebearers then?

Like I said it’s very clear they either designed X with RuPaul in mind to voice him or changed them up once it was clear who they got for the voice. Instead of your standard drab secret agent suits, Mr.X wears a flamboyantly awesome bright purple sequin suit, designer shades, and pink lipstick. He also wears fancy shoes that are also heelies, a nice personal touch as he clearly had to get those made custom, but they come in handy in his line of work, so it’s a perfect visual nod to how X is a mixture of style and subtance. They ooze style.. but their also damn good at the job, easily sussing out a few details from what little they could get in the photo. As for why hunt the Plantars first it’s simple: the tech is dandy but they can both easily confiscate it under goverment ordiance. The Plantars however are unknown aliens: they hide in plain sight, clearly can disguise themselves, and as he susses out from Anne’s hand, have a human acomplice they can’t identify, which he also cleverly figures out is 80′s Sci Fi Junk, a real ET Situation, one who he’ll arrest but likely figures being a kid dosen’t know what she has if their dangerous. It’s what makes him compelling: Sure he’s judging the plantars without knowing them, and dosen’t get maybe why they might not want to turn themselves in to the US Goverment, but to him he’s defending the world. And at least so far it dosen’t seem to be out of a sense of ego or cruelty like say Henry Peter Gyrinch from marvel or that douchebag from the iron giant: he’s just good at what he does. And given this is the same earth as Gravity Falls and possibly The Owl House, there are GENINELY dangerous creatures on this planet. For all we know X simply met the wrong one. It dosen’t make his actions perfect, again he could try talking to them first, suss them out instead of charging in, but it makes him far more intresting than if he was just some one note asshole who hates alieyums because shut up> To them their a righteous hunter protecting humanity from dangerous predators, instead of a misguided man going after innocent people instead of the ACTUAL invader from another world.  

And i’ts clear his niceness isn’t an act or something that will drop entirely: He’s geninely kind and sweet to his assitant jenners, even flirting with “Jenny” when Jenny blushes a bit after he compliments them. And when he goes to Thai Go for some lunch, again on Jenny’s suggestion, he’s perfectly nice to Mrs. B, talking to her in Thai and politely asking about the aliens. In fact this is the only real mistep he makes in the episode in regards to his methods and it’s one he coudln’t of possibly predicted in any way shape or form: he just happened to show up at the restaurant ran by our heroine’s parents. 

Before we can get into more about how Mr. X is just the best, we have to get into the episodes setup: After the fight last episode/the night before, Mr and Mrs B are super amped, something the Plantars recognize as being wired after a scrap. The two want to fight something else but until Andrias sends another robot their shit out of luck and Anne wants to try to keep her parents out of peril. It’s a naive but understandable position: to her their just her dorky parents, she dosen’t see them as fighters or being anything but targets. But last episode proved that was clearly not true: Jeff ran the Annsterminator the fuck over the second he saw it and Mrs. B not only provided a clever distraction on Anne’s direction, but fucking hammered the shit out of a nigh unstoppable killing machine and by hobbling it made victory at all possible for Anne. The two are stronger than they appear.. just like Ann herself when she first touched down. Anne had to learn to survivie too, and did so greatly and used her own skills as a tween to her advantage. Her parents can do the same and have a good few decades on her. She’s just scared the same way they were when she first came back. But for now Anne’s taking the plantars to the movies. 

And that’s what creates the tense, engaging setup for the episode: Mr. X shows up at Thai Go, accidently tipping off his targets allies and giving them possible back up while Anne and Co are stuck in a public space with little room to manuver and an experienced and deadly agent at their backs. 

I will admit i’ve always loved movie theaters: the sights, the popcorn, the fond memories of great cinema, the less fond memories of not so great cinema, the good times with friends and family. So it’s nice to see Braly tribute theaters at a time when they might be in danger. Anne accepts Sprig calling it a church, the Plantars are fascinated. While i’m fine with day and date releases, especially in this pandemic, I don’t want to see theaters go. There’s just something about seeing a film on the big screen you can’t get, especially with big budget epics. 

It also provides a great setting for the episode: it gives us a good reason WHY Anne doesen’t get her mom’s messages till X has already reached them, only reading her texts just in time to see the man at the door. The following chase is also pure awesome, as Anne darts around the theater, ducking into another one.. but EVERY time, X is right behind them getting easily his coolest scene of the episode as he casually shows up behind them in the theater and casually talks to them. He even has a big ass drink in his hand, which in hindsight is a really awesome visual cue i’m just taking in now: it says that he not only went and got a drink, but he got one ENTIRELY for effect: to both sell him being there and to casually say he coudl’ve gotten to them at any time and took his sweet ass time with it. Every chase is fraught and he almost gets hop pop when they end up in a storage room, also getting a good look at him at that. He ends up with our heroes trapped in a bathroom.. and having called Jenners for backup meaning he has them surrounded. Within what could only have been a half an hour at most, he nearly had our heroes and is DEEPLY terrifying as he does it, stalking them perfectly. 

But as I said.. NEARLY. This ep is just as much about showing how much of an asset Mr and Mrs B are to the quartet. The two tail Mr. X there, only failing to block him because his ice cream truck HQ can also do a stilt man and just go over them. They still follow him there, and with Jenners gene scanning anyone leaving, making exit impossible, they quickly come up with a plan, one anne dodges till she’s out of options. 

And said plan is brilliant.. we first see the end result of it, as when Mr. X and some fellow FBI agents swarm the bathroom they only find two frogs and a tadpole, getting him laughed at. But in one final nice touch unlike most alien hunting agents who get mocked, Mr. X takes it in stride: he dosen’t give a shit about these idiots laughing at him or taking him seriously. He’s just happy that clearly these opponents aren’t going to go down easy and this is going to be so much fun. He ENJOYS the chase and a good opponent.. and knows deep down he and jenners will win in the end. And given that he only DIDN’T this time due to an X Factor, pun intended, he coudln’t of possibly planned for, and one given he’s seen anne’s face and said laughing agent saw mrs. b’s, not to mention he’ll probably trace the frogs and tad poles, won’t work again. He’ll likely have our heroes number if he can get it and if not he’ll be making sure this trick dosen’t work again. 

As for the trick itself it’s simply our faviorite new couple using all the tricks they’ve picked up over an awesome life: Mrs. B stalled the backup with a magic trick...

And it’s telling how good this episode was that that DIDN’T make either of my images for this episode but I still had to share it. Also they just.. had domino in the car for some reason I guess. Point is i’ts precious and kept them off their backs while Jeff went to the pet store and bought the frogs, and it was from Anne’s T-Ball coach meaning he might be able to hide the purchase. They then took out the power as they’d previous tried to fix their houses own power.. and failed horribly. So the lesson is your horrible mistakes can sometimes thwart ru paul hunting your child and some frogs for sport and the good of humanity. It’s one we can all enjoy. It shows that despite not having been to amphibia their a clear asset in the fight against andrias and as for fighting tiself.. that can be learned. But the heart and determination of a hero, to do anything to save those you love.. that they got. 

Anne admits she was wrong and apologizes and we wrap with one last bit of business: how did they know which bathroom. Turns out they strapped a tracker to hop pop, who didn’t even register what that was and which polly rips off while Anne wonders what the hell and mr and mrs b just look embarassed. God I love this show. 

Final Thoughts: As you could tell by the lack of jokes this episode was pretty fucking awesome and hard to riff. I mean there was a thing here and there btu I mostly wanted to gush. From an utterly excellent new antagonist to showing off my new faviorite couple, this episode was a masterpiece from start to finish. 

Sprig’s Birthday:

This episode is another awesome one, if more of a stock plot: Anne and Sprig are doing research.. which amounts to Anne reading Dante’s Inferno... look if you want to contact hell just look in the ars goetia. I know a queer birdman who has weekends free right now thanks to his divorce and is very boring and miserable. He’ll do you a solid for some mice and some attention i’m sure of it.  Sprig of course made this

Sprig clearly knows what the deadliest species around is... they didn’t come from here after all. It’s all in this educational video

But Hop Pop and Polly come in with a surprise.. it’s sprigs birthday! Hit it hesh!

They even made him the ceremonial mud crown which they put on him to his delight

Look at that boy. That is the goodest boy. Protect him show... I expect him to live through it or else. Anne is horrified.. not by the crown, that is a bitchin crown that represents the earth and the worms in the dirt and presumably Popo’s stool. 

No Anne is horrified because she didn’t know it was Sprig’s birthday or he was turning eleven and vows to make it a good one. She also finds out what the normal tradition is post crown and song: starring out a window and reflecting on your whole life. Being 11, that’s not a lot so Sprig’s done quick and he and his family plan to take in one of their 8 streaming services

I don’t have a gif for this.. yet. Anyway, while watching every episode of the muppet show in a single day would be pretty sweet, and frankly I need to watch more episodes in a single month i’m way behind my quota and fozzie’s coming for my kneecaps, Anne instead wants to tear it up earth stylez and take sprig on a self indulgent day of fun. She also throws the crown which is rude, that is a btiching crown. Seriously some fan make a replica of that I wants it for my shelf.  You don’t toss away a bitching crown unless it’s cursed anne. that’s just crown  ettique 101 gurl. 

Sprig isn’t quite convinced as Amphibia birthdays are all about reflection and thanks for those around you while Anne assumes earth birthdays are all about self enduglance and getting what you want, with both wondering which one is the brainwashed one. To me it’s in the middle: Birthdays are about good times, but their also about spending them with those you love: friends, family, your puppers and kitties, reflecting on how far you’ve come, and enjoying your life. And also eating lots of really good food because i’ts your birthday and you get to pick a nicer restraunt. Hell i’m doing both for my birthday week as i’m reviewing nothing but things that both mean something to me and I want to. Even my comission is something I geninely wanted to cover Kev is commissioning as a present that combines two of my favorite things. My point is Birthdays are both a day to celebrate yourself and enjoy yourself, btu also those around you and appricate all they’ve done for you. You can have both.

So Anne takes him all over: back to the mall, with less hyjinksy results, to get fittied in b-day clothes, eventaully settling for just a party hat and birthday hoodie: to the amusment park where the guard lets him ride and it goes about as well for sprig as it did bart simpson...

Cumulating in a trip to a mexican restraunt to gorge themselves, something I can relate to given me and my best friends faviorite restraunt to visit on Movie Days is a nearbye On the Border and they put sparklers in flan that Sprig ends up eating, spitting hot fires which the marachi’s jam out to. 

It’s a great day and Sprig finally gets some of what Anne was getting at: it’s okay to have some overindugince with the self reflection. I mean me i’m turning 30... i’m handling it about as well as bo burnham

And I need a week to just write some fun stuff I love dearly. So imagine how much a kid whose stranded away from his girlfriend, spooky friend, and everyone he’s known after getting thrown to his death and nearly dying, and is currently being hutned by a king with a god complex and a fabulous secret agent needs to party hardy. 

Still Anne makes it about her after hearing it’s the third best birthday, feeling she’s failed as a friend. As a video I happened to see in my recomendeds made me see she’s showing a bit of Sasha there, if still more benevolent as her idea is a hot air balloon ride! Hopefully there’s no pits of lava for her. 

So they go and end up getting the creepy ass clown one as they held over a promotional balloon from IT. Not my joke: the ballon is VERY CLEARY the movie version of Pennywise, just with purple hair, and head veins, likely from watching the sequel to the first one. Sprig is naturally horrified which.. fair but he’s lucky> he could’ve gotten the other ballon they had.. but that one got away. Wonder where it ended up. 

But they can’t take their creepy clown murder balloon up into what’s undoutbly the carefree setup for IT Chapter 3: We’re So Sorry For the Last One as theirs high winds. Anne decides fuck that and takes them up while the guy’s not loosing as she convinced him to let them stand in it. This goes badly though as it takes off.. for our heroes who have to control the balloon, for the audeince it leads to a BLIZZARD of amazing jokes my faviorite being a guy trying to propose to his boyfriend only for this to happen.

This show went from a ten to a super turbo championship edition with the gayness and i’m so fucking happy about that. It’s just good stuff. 

Eventually the balloon is about to crash so our heroes bail into some garbage.  Anne apologizes for her bullshit and Sprig gives her a friend punch, a thing i’d forgotten from way back in episode two (the show lampshades it of course) and explains this isn’t #3 because of the fun stuff, though it helps: i’ts because he had it with his best friend.

Oh and it gets fuller: Turns out #2 was when he got his hat.. from his parents.....

He can’t remember it well but it’s why he remembers it. #1 was his first because he was born in the first place. Which makes sense. They go home having tied up all the loose ends.. and left jeff at the balloon place with his garifled books or as he calls them fine literature. You are a complicated man Jeff, I would love to do mushrooms with you. 

Final Thoughts: This one was good what can I say. While it went back to the “Anne insenstively fucks things up well” it did so in a creative and understandable way: Sprig’s her only close friend left with Sasha and Marcy stuck back on amphibia after both stabbed her in the back in ways that will take time. So of course she’d overcompensate and for once, much like with Stumpys it DIDN’T go horribly when she brought her own flair to things: it only did once she made it about her instead of simply sharing her culture with him.... though I do feel she shoudl’ve apologized for insulting his culture at some point, but hey, sometimes you can’t win it all and any episode that has a murder clown ballon, a gay propsoal interputed by said balloon, flaming marachis, jeff appricating comic strips and a bitching ass crown can easily compensate

Next Time: SPIDER-SPRIG BITCHES! Also some gay newts try to free a gay human from a prefrence ambgious dictator. Fun times for all!

[tabloidtoc]

Entertainment Weekly, June

Cover: The Pride Issue cover 3 of 4 -- Lena Waithe

Page 3: Contents, other covers featuring Lil Nas X, Mj Rodriguez, Bowen Yang

Page 4: Sound Bites

Page 7: The Cold Open

Page 14: The Must List -- In the Heights

Page 15: Instructions for Dancing by Nicola Yoon, Iceage -- Seek Shelter, Ziwe

Page 18: Trying Q&A with Esther Smith and Rafe Spall, Day Zero by C. Robert Cargill

Page 20: Milestone Returns #0: Infinite Edition, In Treatment

Page 21: Brat: An '80s Story by Andrew McCarthy, The Empty Man

Page 22: My Must List Pride Edition -- Niecy Nash

Page 25: Pride 2021

Page 26: Lil Nas X -- the 22-year-old rapper is still breaking barriers one song and several clapbacks at a time

Page 29: St. Vincent -- the chameleonic singer-songwriter returns with Daddy's Home, an adventurous new album inspired by her father's prison time

Page 30: Olly Alexander -- after a lauded lead turn in It's a Sin, the artist returned with the single Starstruck, from his newly solo musical act Years & Years

* Rostam -- the new solo album from the multi-instrumentalist is rooted in society's fear of change

Page 32: Lena Waithe -- the producer and actor, and the new star of Master of None season 3, wants to create provocative art while elevating voices

Page 35: Josh Thomas -- the Australian creator-star of Everything's Gonna Be Okay is telling his story through his art

Page 36: Meet Your Maker -- Natalie Morales -- the queer star directs her first film(s), the sharp indies Plan B and Language Lessons. Here's what got her behind the camera

Page 37: Joshua Safran -- the man behind Alex Parrish's attitude and Blair Waldorf's one-liners shares how his sexuality helps him empathize with his characters

* Brandon Taylor -- coming off his explosive, best-selling debut novel Real Life, the lauded author is looking toward his second act and beyond

Page 38: Mj Rodriguez -- with the final season of the history-making FX drama Pose, it's leading lady is ready to claim what's hers

Page 41: Colman Domingo -- after decades of stellar work, the scene-stealer is front and center on Euphoria, Fear the Walking Dead, and more

Page 42: Auli'i Cravalho -- the star of Disney's Moana proved how far she'll go to be her authentic self, and is now focused on joy and inclusion

Page 43: Queen Supremes -- the international RuPaul's Drag Race winning class speaks power to the franchise's worldwide domination and looks ahead to a fab future

Page 44: Bowen Yang -- the Saturday Night Live breakout is defining funny for a whole new generation and pushing boundaries in the process

Page 47: Margaret Cho -- the stand-up comedian plays the lesbian pal we all wish we had in the comedy Good on Paper

Page 48: Molly Bernard -- after playing Younger's pansexual publicist, she's ready to explore the full spectrum of queerness

* Josie Totah -- from Disney's Jessie to the Saved by the Bell revival and Amy Poehler's Moxie, the actress has made a name for herself twice and Hollywood's paying attention

Page 49: Calendar -- 10 upcoming LGBTQ projects to get excited for --from eye-opening documentaries to sweeping romances, there is plenty to add to your Pride watch queue

* Pride season's 6 essential reads

Page 51: Summer TV Preview

Page 52: Loki with Tom Hiddleston

Page 53: Panic, The Celebrity Dating Game, Gossip Girl

Page 54: September Mornings, Schmigadoon!, Masters of the Universe: Revelation, Ted Lasso

Page 55: Heels, The Good Fight

Page 56: Power Book III: Raising Kanan

Page 57: Sweet Tooth, Blindspotting, Kevin Can F**k Himself, Mr. Corman

Page 58: We Are Lady Parts, Love Victor, Sex/Life, Turner & Hooch

Page 59: Physical, Hit & Run, American Rust

Page 60: Bosch, Marvel Studios' What If...?, Lisey's Story -- Q&A with Julianne Moore

Page 61: Calendar

Page 62: The Fast and the Furious oral history -- how did a little movie about underground racing speed off to become one of the most profitable franchises in history? The cast and crew reminisce about 20 years of Fast, one quarter-mile at a time

Page 68: News + Reviews -- Nominate Them, You Cowards -- on July 13, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences will announce the 2021 Emmy nominees. Here are some standout shows and performances we insist not be overlooked

Page 72: Movies -- Summer Star -- taking the lead in blockbusters A Quiet Place II and Jungle Cruise, Emily Blunt is the face of Hollywood's comeback summer

Page 74: Making the Scene -- Army of the Dead -- Zack Snyder explains how he bet big on destroying Las Vegas in his bloody zombie heist movie

Page 75: Oxygen, The Woman in the Window -- the journey from smash best-seller to star-studded streaming thriller was long and fittingly bizarre

Page 76: Meet the Fab G -- director Kay Cannon on how Billy Porter found a fresh, inclusive take on the fairy godmother in the new Cinderella

Page 79: My Favorite Shot Pride Edition -- Sebastian Lelio, A Fantastic Woman -- the Chilean director revisits a gravity-defying sequence in his groundbreaking Oscar-winning drama

Page 80: TV -- The Underground Railroad

Page 81: The Upshaws

Page 82: Oral History -- in 2011, Teen Wolf premiered on MTV. Ten years later, we look back at the pilot episode that introduced us to Scott, Stiles and the werewolves of Beacon Hills -- Jeff Davis, Tyler Posey, Russell Mulgahy, Dylan O'Brien, Crystal Reed

Page 84: What to Watch

Page 86: Music -- Miranda Lambert Q&A -- for The Marfa Tapes, Lambert decamped to the quiet artsy town in West Texas and recorded songs around a campfire. She talks to EW about the album and being an introverted superstar

Page 88: Ear Kandi -- Xscape member and current Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss reflects on the hits she's made for Destiny's Child, *NSYNC, TLC and more

Page 89: The Black Keys

Page 90: Books -- summer books special -- a comedy of eras -- in a sharp new essay collection, The Wreckage of My Presence, actor Casey Wilson weaves big feelings into even bigger laughs

Page 92: Poetic Justice -- prolific romance writer and political powerhouse Stacey Abrams bookend an incredible year with more thrills, this time in her first novel not written under her pen name Selena Montgomery

Page 93: Author Spotlight -- Silvia Moreno-Garcia -- Velvet Was the Night

Page 94: Fatal Attraction -- inside the intoxicating depravity of Animal, Lisa Taddeo's meaty follow-up to Three Women

Page 95: Critic's Pick -- The Great Mistake by Jonathan Lee

Page 96: Critic's Pick -- In the Country of Others by Leila Slimani

Page 97: The Conversation -- Taylor Jenkins Reid and Paula Hawkins -- the names behind Daisy Jones & the Six and The Girl on the Train are coming for your beach tote

Page 98: Q&A with Zakiya Dalila Harris -- The Other Black Girl, former book editor Zakiya Dalila Harris' genre-bending evisceration of workplace privilege, is set to become the debut of the summer

Page 99: Critic's Pick -- Afterparties by Anthony Veasna So

Page 101: Q&A with Billie Eilish -- in between winning Grammys and releasing her sophomore album, the pop star is publishing her first (self-titled) book, a collection of never-before-seen pics of her early life on the road

Page 103: Parental Guidance -- your crib sheet on the best entertainment for kids from toddlers to tweens

* Q&A with Gabrielle Union-Wade and Dwyane Wade -- the actress and her NBA legend husband, bring it on with their new children's book Shady Baby

Page 112: The Bullseye